#(though apparently I did that years ago)
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I first signed up for NaNoWriMo in 21 October, 2005; I logged into NaNoWriMo 5 September, 2024, in order to delete my account.
Thanks to the entity now embracing A.I. as a "Tool."
(After looking back at my stats).
There were a couple years where I tried to do multiple challenges in a year, burning out, not participating, and then coming back.
According to my profile, there, I started 19 distinct projects, between the November marathon proper and "Camp NaNoWriMo," with a total of 605K-and-a-bit words typed out. My last registered project was in 2020. I did not reach 50K that year; I think it was about that time that I realized simply typing 50k words at breakneck speed did not lead to crafting a story I actually still wanted to tell, come December (what really kept me coming back, over and over in spite of that, was the social permission to make a pillow fort out of an imaginary world, where I could retreat from seasonal attitudinal depression, and other pressures; Pillow forts aren't meant to be permanent).
Back when I started, in 2005, NaNoWriMo was a much different beast than it is now... There were no corporate sponsors, and the only prize you could claim was a winner's T-shirt. And the social vibe was a lot more like the spontaneous writers' communities that sprung up on old school Bulletin Board Systems, IRC chat rooms (remember those?), and Usenet forums.
(All of which I miss, BTW)
#nanowrimo#walking away#(though apparently I did that years ago)#this is an anti-AI blog#Dreamwidth x-post
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Shoutout to my grandpa, whose excessive love of detail and extension cords has been passed on to me, as was made clear when I put up Christmas lights today
#christmas#here's the thing#he passed away like a year and a half ish ago#and i honestly wasn't that close to him plus did not feel like we had anything in common#but? apparently we did when it comes to christmas lights#which my dad pointed out#it kinda made me happy!#though christmas lights always make me happy#anyway i don't have much attention to detail in any places EXCEPT christmas lights and unimportant fic details
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Who needs dating apps when you can flirt with tumblr mutuals???
#also dating is just annoying and a nightmare anyway lol#I did end up deleting my dating apps because honestly there is NO ONE where I live#and it’s the same people I saw on there like a year ago???#and no one on them knows how to hold a conversation either soooo…#also in general I do enjoy being single a majority of the time#gives me more time for myself 🥰🥰🥰#sex would be nice to have more often though 😅😅😅#apparently we’re in a yapping mood tonight#mine#text post
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Cheers to one of the more stressful weeks I've had in recent memory - I'm sorry if anyone is waiting on a Passerine update, it's going to be a little late while I try to sort out a ridiculous job application kerfuffle.
#apparently because my former team lead didn't use the exact right wording in his reference to specify that he was my supervisor#and they won't let him clarify now that he's sent the reference in#so his reference doesn't count 🙃#and I've spent this weekend trying to hunt down managers on linkedin from a job i left four+ years ago who still remember who i am#just to prove that sometime somewhere someone supervised my work#(even though i already had a reference who did)#screams loudly
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Hope it doesn't come off insensitive but its rlly comforting to me to see im not alone in being unable to start transition and feeling a lotta feelings about it. Shits really hard and its harder when ur alone yk... heres to hoping maybe its in the future i guess?
Yaaa the immediate tear starter that is "in 5 years i still wont be on T" has only gotten more devastating with every year that has passed since I was 11. Its hawrd! I dont know if I'll ever have it, hoping its in the near future of someone else though
#anonymous#skunk mail#nothing had me more in shambles than those ''did anyone else realize they were trans and then start transitioning 3 months later during#the pandemic lockdowns lol'' people like. i would have given anything.#id've given anything years ago id give anything nowww#except not apparently bc im lazy and i cant move my ass enough to find a career that will let me move out and do it.#recent events has me wondering if being a failure is an inescapable part of my dna.#i know being a cute boy isnt the point but i really wanted a few years of being a cute boy before i aged further.#i wont get to though
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What a shame… you always had such beautiful hair
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#seeds of the red lotus#original character#sotrl haya#found this about 90% finished in one of my Procreate folders and decided to finish it off#apparently we’re on a RL siblings roll lately#oh Haya. Haya Haya Haya…#what can I even say about her?#she’s very high on the list of the worst OCs we have ever created. she’s truly a vile human being with 0 redeeming qualities#and yet.. here she’s just fourteen. lost and confused and grieving#a little brother on her hands and no one to turn to. to lean on. no one to take care of her#she’s a child. she isn’t supposed to have to be the adult because there’s no one else to take up the mantle#she’s a victim of awful circumstances who nevertheless had the CHOICE not to perpetuate them. but she did#and that’s why what she did is unforgivable#but that’s a talk for future Haya. how about we focus on this Haya for now?#I imagine this takes place at some point not long after her parents die#she looks more like Siamak than Afarin but she did inherit Afarin’s hair. it reminds her of her every time she looks in the mirror#and after a while she can’t take it any longer#so she stumbles into the kitchen late at night. pulls scissors out of the drawer and goes wild#but it doesn’t bring any relief. she looks at her curls scattered all over the floor and she just feels worse#the scissors fall out of her hand and it takes everything in her not to cry because Ghazan might wake up and hear her#so she just stands there in the dark kitchen. feeling utterly alone in the world#and she truly. truly is. isn’t she? she’s alone. an orphaned girl no one will ever care about again. how awfully sad is that?#anyway. moving in before I start crying. you know what I just noticed?#the way I drew this implies the scissors fell out of her left hand. meaning likely she was using her left hand. meaning she’s left handed#just like Suiren is. does that mean Suiren inherited that FROM Haya? that it’s yet another similarity they share? well it wasn’t intentional#but now that I’ve though of it… yes. yes that is exactly the case. and I’m close to biting into a wall because of it#did I ever mention that Suiren is left handed before? I can’t remember. but I decided she was +- five years ago. so it’s always been canon
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okay so i am once again in a bit of a pickle due to the fact that i never learn from my mistakes :)
#there's this guy at work that i kind of fancy right?#not the guy from a couple of years ago this is another one and tbh i like him way more like we really vibe#and a couple of months ago we kind of started flirting as a joke? like at first it wasn't even flirting we just paid each other compliments#but it. kind of got out of hand? like now we're DEFINITELY flirting and we hug every time we see each other and so on#and like today he kind of asked me out?? like he asked when we're gonna go out and i generically said whenever he wants so uhhh#i bought some time but also i basically said yes OOPS#like ive been thinking i need to chill and slow this down until i figure it out but then i apparently can't stop running my fucking mouthhhh#the thing is. before the summer i did this whole thing to kind of reconnect w my ex#and things seemed to kind of work even though we didn't get together and also she's gonna be out of town for at least another year#but it's not like i have any certainty that when she comes back we're gonna get back together or anything#it's just. she's the love of my life and half the time i think there's no point in dating other people#and then the other half i think i really need to get over it#but the thing is i really care about this guy. i don't want to end up hurting him at all which is probably gonna happen if i keep doing this#I ALWAYS DO THISSSSSS#I ALWAYS JOKINGLY FLIRT W PEOPLE AND THEN IT GETS REAL AND IM OH SHIT NVM DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THAT
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#really randomly fell down a weird rabbit hole today#i was watching the X-Files and finally felt like reading up on david duchovny#like i see u fellow slav what kind of slav are you#so i opened up his wikipedia article and saw that his dad was jewish and from ukraine and went like AHA WE ARE THE SAME#and just out of curiosity looked up the place he's from because im curious about jewish shtetls in the ukraine#because my whole family except my biological father is from several of them and i thought hey maybe they were neighbors#which they fucking are omg theyre just 20km apart#my greatgreatgrandma is from makhnivka which i even found articles and history about and how the jewish population grew & declined#even though i did not find any steinbergs in the archives#anyway when i read up on Berdychiv where duchovnys family is from it said#early settlement by the Chernyakhov Culture#which was an archeological culture between 200 and 500 CE existing at the same time as the roman empire#....... is this how i finally find out where my name is from??????? like?????????#i wish i knew so much more than i do#like i only found out that im not russian i was just born in russia like 7 years ago or so??? because my mom never tells me anything#all the information about my great great grandparents and where theyre from is from my grandma#and her dementia is really bad now and shes just angry and screams and calls people names#my russian is too bad to properly read up on stuff like that and theres barely anything in english or german#i just want to know idk#but genetic testing is too expensive and also very america centric and the only family i have in the us is super conservative#i had to block them on facebook when my grandma made me write to them once over 10 years agl#and i know a huge chunk of my grandmas family moved to israel too so i dont want anything to do with that either#although id be curious if it would actually find my half siblings i found out about also like 8 years ago#i just wish there were more archives and more people i could talk to about this#on my grandfathers side theres nothing really left#my grandfather passed suddenly and apparently before he did he took ALL THE FAMILY PHOTOS AND DOCUMENTS somewhere to maybe digitalise them#but we dont know where so theyre literally gone for ever#but his whole family was from kiev and is apparently named after this culture era#his dad was a higher up at a sugar factory and i still cant find anything#my grandma had so many cousins and they were so interconnected and knew so much and i literally just have my mom and no one else
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♪ I trace my fingers through her hair just like sun in my hands
Got that kill you kind of glare but she’s all that I have ♫
#Stuff I drew 4 years ago and never posted and I didn't know if I still had a copy#I did and it exists and you get to see it now even though it's v old :)#Team Rocket#Jessie#Wobbuffet#Musashi#Sonans#Pokemon#Massive good boy energy#He bad boy but he good boy#apparently art#''Shut Up and Dance'' came on while I was drawing and u know what? They would
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If you can not forgive you are destined to never heal.
Like, sorry, you can not be mad at someone for making a mistake and then be angry about it for 3 years and be like "why am i not over this".
#friend of a friend died two years ago driving under the influence of some injection. ran a red in the dark and wraped her car around a pole#friend came to me last night while i was mid break down and explained his breakdown.#he apparently introduced her to the drug and she got more on her own#got addicted and was sent to rehab. my friend self admitted to keep her alive.#they worked together on steps to get off hard drugs.#one of the rules is that you can never ever drive if you happen to be on them. not even like one puff of weed or half a Mike's hard.#she got more of the drug when she got home after about a month. some jackass who lived across the street.#needle was dirty and it felt itchy. told my friend about it. he said that she should go to the hospital.#so she got in her car and drove it. without her lights on#friend said she broke a rule and did it on purpose (she didn't. she was just high and panicked.)#said he'd never forgive her for taking his best friend away in such a betrayal. led my friend back to drugs.#said that every year her memory still forces him into agony and he feels he needs something stronger to dull the pain of his heartbreak.#i told him to take double his usual dose of melatonin and a drink of whiskey. came back to me this morning and said that i was right.#he still said he'd never forgive her though. told him about something else I'm going through and asked ''is that what you want?#agony every time someone mentioned her name or at the very least once a year?''#he's saying he's pondering on that.#meanwhile work's going on and I'm under 200 mgs of caffeine already and 3 hours of sleep while having 10 more hours to go.#happy thursday
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oops, i, did it again - i overcheesed the spaghetteh,
#just me hi#WWhhhyyyyY#my catastrophic cheese issues continue hfhshd#went 'oh noooooo' and looked up at my mom and she already Knew lmaoo#that's how often these things happen !#i'm also not allowed to make macaroni anymore btw ://#/oh also i discovered some time ago that the seasoned pecans they sell at costco are AWESOME with sharp cheddar cheese#it's GREAT i highly recommend !! :D#my siblings keep going 'ewh that's gross' and then trying it and being enlightened to the way of the cheese-nut lolll :3#it's also apparently a grave crime to take off like a fourth of the cheese block and just nibble on that for some hours#joke's on those jokers i forget i actually have to eat anything for at least four more hours after doing that Hfbshd#//but anyway in other news !!#what is up with colours? i have no idea. neither does anybody else! peace and love on the celestial meatball we all adore#/octopus are neat i like octopus :>#so are crabs but i think they're a bit scarier for some reason so !#octopus are just kinda more gross but i can appreciate their squiggyness#octopusses... octopie.... is this the 'plural platypus' thing again hfbsh#/i have Gottt to finish these refs before june or i'm going to do what i did last year which was NOT fun loll#i rushed like 5 refs in two weeks ! did i enjoy it? naauh hbhfs :')#/also thinking of opening comms next year ? maybeeeee#it's definitely under consideration though ~!~#/also made a new yt cuz i changed my email lol :>#RIP the old one. you'll be remembered o7 and iiiiiiiiiiiiiii will always remember yyyouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu#//think that's all though ~!~#<- doin that cuz i can't have my wiggly exclamation point lol :)#but it's summer again which means i'm going to ddddiiiiiieeeeeeeee#that one guy who wanted to set fire to the sun had a real idea goin there..#//anyway toodles :33 perhaps i shall return. oo bYe ~+
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what a horrible cruelty it is to get sick on a sunday... like we really couldn't save this for monday?
#good news is that it apparently isn't covid...#even though I slept weird and that was my 1st sign of covid when I DID have covid 2 years ago#but! we persist.
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Gotta go have a. Breast ultrasound now.
That's gonna be. Something.
#i need to do it if i want a reduction#or top surgery.......#but. idk how im gonna go about that#im scared to come out to my gp. apparently she didnt really take it too well when my brother did#though maybe she sensed bullshit too lmao#but my psychologist will be able to support me... ive told her years ago about dysphoria#my gp is also like. in her 50s#maybe ill talk to the new doctor.... i havent known him for 20 years so maybe itll be less scary
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Disabled culture is going to see a doctor about a new medical scare and being able to predict exactly what they’re going to suggest, because it’s the exact same thing every doctor tells you for everything
#disabled culture is#ableism tw#medical ableism#like. ma’am. i just had a terrifying experience and am seeking medical help to make sure it doesnt become a regular occurrence#you do not need to treat me like a toddler#‘just eat more and get your bmi to a better range and you’ll be fine :)’ MA’AM#i am aware i weigh about as much as a sopping wet kitten but i am not here about the autoimmune disease causing that#i am here because i fainted hit my head and felt like i was experiencing violet involuntary movement even though i wasn’t#anyway congrats to this doctor for taking two hours to tell me something i learned from talking with potsies like 6 years ago#anyway my shock thoughts are really funny. she pressed on my nails to check for dehydration and my single thought was#‘thats not how they did it on mythbusters >:(‘#fr tho uhhh fainting is super scary and i salute everyone who deals with it regularly#also is it normal to like.#i felt like my head was jerking around and I couldn’t stop it and that lasted for like a full minute after i was aware again#couldn’t talk or move like my arms or anything while it was happening#doctor literally just waved me off when i asked. if anyone has any insight on why i felt like that when my head wasnt moving pls lemme know#also tbh i dont even know if it technically counts as fainting. my eyes were open the whole time apparently#but everything before and after the fall for about a minute is blank#anyway uh! we think im fine! no blood and probably no concussion the only thing with major damage is the wall lol
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oh i didn’t say it here…so um ❤️🧡🤍🩷💜
#leah.txt#and with that goodnight :]#not that it really matters to say cause i’ve always been sapphic since the day i was born lmao but yeah !! had lots of realisations &#putting feelings into words like earlier this week? it just felt like every fell into place & it made so much sense. i feel so like…just#content with myself now. i kept questioning things. i kept feeling as though i was an imposter for calling myself bi but i couldn’t pinpoint#why. so i just feel really happy & really like yeah i’m a lesbian !!! i did like a lil ramble ont priv on twitter before i ended up deleting#it & had convos in dms with the besties & apparently i’d had the exact same convo saying the same things almost two whole years ago so…yeah#thought i would find it hard to change like label i use for myself cause change is always so hard but i just felt excited? i felt happy#i felt like i wasn’t like…lying? anymore. not that i ever was it’s just i always had this feeling of somethings off & now that’s gone…#plus after the fact of saying it & being affirmed in my feelings um i kept having more realisations from growing up & unlocking memories &#it’s so funny cause it’s like it was literally always there i just never realised. anyway didn’t mean to ramble i just meant to go hey then#dip & head to bed cause i have a doctors appointment on the morning askdjsk but it’s really exciting for me idk there’s lots of thoughts but#i’ll shhh cause i’ve gone on for long enough lmao
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tmw you give someone concise instructions but they ✨just do not get it✨
#incoherent rambling in the tags ahoy!!!!! idek where i was going with any of this so… yeah.#so anyways! a bunch of interns will be joining the lab life as of tomorrow and i already do not have high hopes for them#the reason? the school they’re from is kinda infamous in the science industry for churning out incompetent interns.#i know this to be true bc i was one of them many moons ago lmaooooo. that school was kinda… y e a h. y’know?#man… i was a truly horrible intern. i just slept at my desk all day… aside from going to the warehouse to collect chemicals and stuff#though that reminds me of that one kinda incompetent staff member who got me in trouble with one of the managers… freakin’ marvin!!!!!!!!!!!#i’ll never forget how he put the delivery order for some chemicals into the fridge with them for some reason after i left for the day??????#like dude whyyyy i put the things on the proper collection tray!!!!!!! whyyyyy did he have to put ‘em in the fridge???????????#and the manager lady called me out in the middle of the next day’s morning meeting for my apparent incompetence in losing the d. o.?????#i was so confused and 100000% not awake enough for it bc i *knew* i put the things in the correct spot >:(((((#another staff member kinda defended me but the damage was done… screw you marvin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! never forgive#and man. *all* the interns were banned from recording the reception of the chemicals and stuff after that. so gj marvin.#i wonder what that dude’s doing with his life now though… despite all that he was still trusted enough to be a backup shift lead so i?????#but at least he kinda gives me an ego boost. whenever i feel down i remember that a guy like him was put in charge sometimes.#freakin’ marvin… i think he was also the dude who occasionally misplaced labsheets and stuff that local intern me had to hunt down… not fun.#i don’t really remember people and names that easily unless they’re of people i hate so… hm. idk what that says about my opinion of marvin—#i just hope the new interns at my workplace won’t be as bad as the recent incompetent intern… or freakin’ marvin.#that guy will probs be the only one i’ll name and shame bc i last saw him over 3 years ago so the statute of limitations is def over right—#though come to think of it… my intern experience was pretty dumb and pointless. i did make an enemy out of the local microbiologist though—#but ig i’ll try my best to not be too mean to the new interns… i hope they don’t approach me thoughhh. negative social skills ahoy!!!!#i don’t wanna teach them anything either (finally returning to the subject of the post). i still have flashbacks to the incompetent intern—#and i know for sure that they won’t come pre-loaded with any knowledge of the tests here bc i was from their school…#but c’mon new interns!!!!! pls prove me wrong!!!! pls be better interns than i was in the past!!!! pleaseeeeeeee!!!!!!!!#i’m so done with the week already. pls let it end.#sunday’s 🧂saltfest🧂
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