#(things may be a bit slow depending on whether I can be a functional human being but I’m still kicking)

[portalkincalls]

this blog still active?

Yes it is!

[gold-eyes-vengeful-heart]

Biomech Lore Post

Because I may as well go about it already! (Though do note that these are referred to as “Weapons” in FFXIV-related universes; a coincidence of a project name, having little to nothing to do with the VIIth Legion’s Weapon program, given that it’s run by the IXth Legion instead.)

More under the cut!

I generally consider these guys to be fandomless, with various details tweaked to fit whatever universe or RP thread or etc they’re being used in. Of which there are a few...but one thing that’s consistent through all of that is that these guys are all, to varying degrees, part biological and part mechanical war-weapons, though their external appearances imply the latter over the former. They’re also all quite self-aware and sapient, even if for some of them, the way their telepathic “voice” speaks implies a more alien intelligence that has to actively bend itself to be understood by human pilots at all.

This telepathy is key to controlling a biomech; physical controls do exist, but a pilot (or pilots, plural, depending on the universe) must have a strong and consistent mental link with the biomech in question in order to truly utilize it beyond simple, slow movements such as those needed to move a biomech into storage. As for who exactly has this mental link of a quality high enough to pilot, this again depends on the universe: in some, the biomechs are built/grown “to order” for a specific pilot, and in others, the pilot (or pilots) have to be found in the ranks of the existing military. In the latter situation, it’s deemed far less than ideal to have this problem—there’s no guarantee that the military even has an appropriate pilot that can connect to it—but the benefits are considered to vastly outweigh the risks. Or, sometimes, the wider world situation (IE: ongoing apocalypses and/or specific enemies normal military hardware can’t touch) dictates that they have no other options.

This link, however, does not come without some risks. It’s particularly intense on single pilots, and in some universes actually causes a great deal of brain damage or mental deterioration from the neural overload if not spread out over multiple minds (whether this takes the form of a Drift-style multi-pilot setup or something more akin to a pilot hive mind). This has led to more than one rumor amongst rank and file personnel that biomechs steal their pilots’ souls...which in a couple cases in particular may not be unsubstantiated.

As for what a biomech is grown out of, that is kept a tightly-guarded secret. But it’s always (with only the FFXIV ‘verse being exempt) some variety of elder dragon or dragon-monster, hence their draconian appearances. (For the FFXIV ‘verse: they’re either grown out of or cloned from a concept-creature of the Ancients’ world, which took the form of a giant squid-like being.) They‘re essentially lab-grown into their mechanical shells and systems, and once fully integrated with them, then awoken. This process varies, again depending on ‘verse, and can be as simple as a Frankenstein-esque shock of immense power, or as complex as ritual magic. Their brains are not considered to be in their heads but in their “cores”, which are grown and built first to be buried in the biomech’s chest—meaning that, even though a headshot or decapitation would be traumatic for all involved (including the pilot) and remove a significant amount of sensory input, a biomech can indeed continue to “live” without a head and can, even, have one regrown. These cores are also part mechanical and part biological, taking the form of a mechanical shell over a biological inside, but very few have ever actually seen one outside of lab technicians.

Their personalities are considered set in stone, however. Even on the rare occasions that a biomech has been re-grown—as in cases with known pilot refusals—their general temperament and thought processes remain the same, though the regrowth process is supposed to obliterate their actual memories. (Supposed to. It’s known to have mixed results.) Pronouns and monikers used to refer to biomechs are generally the biomech’s call and are projected as a wordless overlay on the weapon’s thoughts (so the people hearing it or staying close to it “just know” what a given biomech wants to be called), save in the cases where the biomech itself genuinely does not care—in which case the pilot picks something.

While the military would like to consider biomechs as just tools, of course, there are in fact entire sheaves of ethics and legal arguments surrounding them, given their self-awareness and their status as ultimately manmade creations. This can sometimes cause fairly intense political struggles in certain ‘verses.

Though individual biomechs vary in their combat abilities, a few are fairly standard: they’re resistant to mental and physical corruption, have some self-repair ability (though severe damage requires human repair), and have some variety of energy-based shielding that can be deployed on command. They also all have a mouth-based cannon, though the strength of said cannon varies between individuals: in some cases (such as Hemlock’s) it’s basically intended as a last-resort self-defense weapon that’s fairly weak in power, and in others (such as Blue’s) it’s actually intended to be the primary offensive weapon. Biomechs are also intended to all have some degree of flight capability.

As for some lore on individual biomechs, in order of ascending age:

BLUE. The “youngest“ biomech of the lot. Is considered to be a “he”. Personality is best called “chirpy”, and either somewhat dog-like or child-like depending on who’s asked to describe it; he isn’t particularly eager to get into a fight unless he has to. Thought patterns mostly described in terms of feeling like water—splashing, flooding, “like raindrops on their mind”, and so on. Has two main armaments outside of those intended for melee combat:

Mouth cannon. This fires either a laser-like stream of raw energy (or aether in FFXIV), or can also fire a high-pressure stream of water capable of slicing steel. Can be used without any bracing or foot-locks, and pilots are well-advised to learn how to aim it straight mid-flight.

ARIL cannons. These are positioned on the back of the biomech, taking the form of two loosely-attached “spears” on either side of the biomech’s midline, with an unusually biological growth on the fronts of the spears. These cannons are capable of unleashing concussive blasts capable of throwing foes of a biomech’s size considerable distances, but Blue must be standing braced to use them in order to not get thrown in the opposite direction. It is also highly inadvisable to use these on biological constructs; see below section on the ARIL.

The growths in question are collectively called the ARIL, and their substance was also extruded into Blue’s wings and are directly responsible, through unclear mechanisms, for his ability to fly despite his wings’ ragged appearance. What the ARIL is, unfortunately, is also not clear, but it’s considered to be an ancient biological artifact that interacts strangely both with gravity and with biological matter.

Overall, Blue is considered to be a “jack of all trades”-style fighter, capable of long-range attacks while being well able to function in mid or close-range combat as well. In that same vein, his armor is considered middling in strength; enough to protect him from most things but certainly not enough to block rapidly-repeated or severe strikes. His preferred mode of combat is to stay in flight and strike at a distance until an enemy is weakened, then to finish off the foe at close range.

MORRIGAN. The next youngest biomech. Goes by “she”. Very reserved and almost slothful in personality, to the point of serving as a mental “damper” to more violent or energetic minds. Does, however, quite enjoy using her guns and will actively prod pilots to do so, which leads to some only half-jokingly noting that she might be a bit addicted to shooting things. Thought patterns usually described as a slow-moving smoke. Has a great many armaments:

Main cannons. These are positioned on her back, either side of her mid-line. These are exceptionally powerful and capable of punching through all but the thickest armor and the strongest of shields. These do, however, utilize physical shells, and so can and do run out of ammunition. Contains a dozen shots at typical maximum capacity, but this can be expanded by extra equipment. Does require bracing or footlocks to fire with any accuracy.

Mouth cannon. In Morrigan, this takes the form of a powerful, thin, and concentrated energy/aether beam. It is not, however, intended for continuous fire like, for example, Blue’s; it functions in a manner vaguely akin to a sniper’s rifle, its shots short in duration but huge on power. Due to this, however, it’s highly advised to fire from a stable platform of some kind to avoid mis-aiming.

Missile pods. Scattered all over Morrigan’s body. These function as, of course, pods for firing ordinary missiles. Can be fired in sets based on location on the biomech’s frame (head only, arms only, etc), or all fired at once for a devastating barrage. These are locked onto target via either Morrigan’s built-in Radar suite (preferred) or by visual targeting (less preferred, since it requires intense concentration on the target in question by biomech and pilot alike). The number of pods and number of missiles in each pod makes out-of-ammo situations unlikely but possible.

Small tail cannons. Shoot fairly low-intensity defensive energy/aetherial beams, and can swivel approximately 120 degrees to the left and right of biomech midline. Intended solely for deterrence of foes from rear or side attacks.

Tail gun. Composes the entirety of the end of Morrigan’s tail. Can be used for deterrence of rear or side ambushes, but can also be swung around to provide offensive fire at, effectively, any angle. Can shoot either shells or energy/aether shots, depending on pilot selection.

Wing guns. Positioned on Morrigan’s wings, one on each. Fires energy/aether shots of average strength, and can be used in continuous more laser-like fire. These also contain Morrigan’s extra thrusters, required in order to maintain level flight.

Morrigan is intended to be a “turret” of a biomech, planting herself in one spot and firing at long-range on foes. The slowness from her weight and heavy armor makes close combat difficult; in such situations, it’s best advised to get away and back into effective gun or missile range. Flight is mainly intended as a mode of transportation over a means of fighting, but her wings are also intended as a way to stabilize pilot aim.

RED. Goes by “he”. Very nervous and high-strung personality; this is considered to be a fault in a war weapon on multiple levels, including by anyone maintaining the jumpy biomech’s hangar bay, but he’s also considered too large an investment to simply discard (amongst other concerns about the ethics of bluntly destroying a thinking being). Notable for being one of the only biomechs without wings composed of either physical materials or energy/aether, due to a persistent glitch in growth patterns despite multiple attempts to reset it—therefore, is very much of the school of (design) thought of “anything can technically fly if you put enough active thrust behind it”. Thought patterns described as flame-like and flickering. Has only a few weapons:

Mouth cannon. Functions as Red’s main gun, and acts similarly to Blue’s, though with the secondary option of napalm streams instead of a water cannon.

Arm blades. Positioned on Red’s forearms. Has a dual purpose of both providing extra armor and providing an extendable and devastating cutting weapon, whose blades can be superheated to slash through armor layers like butter.

Tail blades. Composes the entirety of Red’s tail. Can also be superheated in the same manner as the arm blades, but are much thicker and stronger, lending themselves to large and violent swiping attacks. (This does, however, mean that any given pilot or pilots should be heavily resistant to motion sickness, given that this requires a large amount of whole-body spinning.) These are quite flexible, allowing a significant section of them to be whipped around to the front like a spear or a thrusting sword.

Armor spikes. All biomechs have some degree of spikes on their armor, but Red’s is particularly prominent. It serves as not only extra protection but can be wielded in a melee situation for extra damage.

Of course, Red is mostly intended as a close-range physical fighter capable of moving at incredibly high speeds, courtesy of the large amount of high-output thrusters attached to his frame. He also has fairly heavy armor because of this intended use. His sensitivity to change, however, also makes him decent at sentry functions.

HEMLOCK. Varies between going by “he” or “she” or sometimes “they”. Thought patterns generally described as serpentine and sinuous. Considered to be the biomech with the most developed sense of humor, though biomech standards for “humor” are very low indeed. Definitely the most prone to trickery. Weaponry includes:

Mouth cannon. Mostly intended as a short-fire backup weapon.

Acid spray. Located in the two “spikes” pointing forward on either side of Hemlock’s jaw. As the name might imply, they’re capable of firing compressed streams of acid of sufficient strength and composition to melt armor. Has what is described as a “startling” amount of range by most pilots.

Back cannons. Located on Hemlock’s back, either side of midline. Also contains Hemlock’s main thrusters. Fires either physical shells or energy/aether depending on pilot selection. Used as Hemlock’s main guns, and are considered fairly powerful (though they pale in comparison to, say, Morrigan’s).

Overall, Hemlock is intended as a more stealth-oriented biomech, capable of speedy but short bursts of movement in order to greatest facilitate ambushes--usually of a physical sort. Hemlock also has an optical cloaking ability that, while incapable of making such a large machine invisible, does disrupt the biomech’s outline so much as to make visual firing on it rather difficult. It also heavily disrupts non-visually-based methods of targeting.

LEVIATHAN/”NIGOKI”. Name varies slightly depending on ‘verse. Second of two prototype-level biomechs. Has no preference for how to be referred to. Significantly more “alien” in thought pattern than the later production-type units, who were deliberately built to be less intensely intrusive; tends to project single-word thoughts at most, preferring to project whole concepts instead. Most infamous for supposed “soul-stealing” of its pilots (and in one ‘verse is actively fueled by half of a long-departed soul, forcibly attached to the biomech through foul magic). Personality is best described as varying degrees of rage and anger, and rarely deviates from this. Weapons include:

Mouth cannon. Main weapon. Can be adjusted to fire wide sprays of energy/aether or single more powerful beams. Curiously, both prototype biomechs’ energy/aetherial usage takes a brilliant orange color.

Hind leg claw. One on each rear leg, behind the foot. The physical claw can, of course, be used for gouging and slashing, but can also channel energy/aether into a vicious blade-like protrusion to better hack through shields and armor.

Energy/aether manipulation. Unlike most biomechs, both prototypes are capable of utilizing energy/aether to create various offensive constructs, though they’re typically only intended for use in close quarters combat (and take the form of blades, claws, fangs, etc). While in use, however, the otherwise incredibly powerful shields cannot be utilized (with the sole exception of when this energy/aether is used to create wings).

Telepathic offense. Also unlike most biomechs, the prototypes are capable of using their telepathic abilities as a weapon, instead of just as a means of communication with their pilots. Most dangerous to those already sensitive to such things, but even the telepathically insensitive can sustain damage from a concentrated enough assault, barring intervention from another source (such as another biomech, magic, specially-designed tooling, etc).

Leviathan/Nigoki serves mostly as a proof of concept for the biomech design, and most ‘verses attempt to avoid using either prototype whenever possible due to the biomech’s propensity for flying into berserk rages.

SILVARRE/“SHOGOKI”. Name varies slightly depending on ‘verse. First of two prototype-level biomechs. Has no preference for how to be referred to. Significantly more “alien” in thought pattern than the later production-type units, who were deliberately built to be less intensely intrusive; tends to project single-word thoughts at most, preferring to project whole concepts instead. Unlike its brother, however, Silvarre/“Shogoki” almost never shows any extremes of emotion, only reacting strongly to any perceived danger to its pilot—even when said pilot is outside of the cockpit, which makes Silvarre/“Shogoki” rather dangerous as a war weapon even to its own side, given its idea of “danger” to a person can be significantly less qualified than an ordinary human’s. Weapons are identical to Leviathan/“Nigoki”s, and include:

Mouth cannon. Main weapon. Can be adjusted to fire wide sprays of energy/aether or single more powerful beams. Curiously, both prototype biomechs’ energy/aetherial usage takes a brilliant orange color.

Hind leg claw. One on each rear leg, behind the foot. The physical claw can, of course, be used for gouging and slashing, but can also channel energy/aether into a vicious blade-like protrusion to better hack through shields and armor.

Energy/aether manipulation. Unlike most biomechs, both prototypes are capable of utilizing energy/aether to create various offensive constructs, though they’re typically only intended for use in close quarters combat (and take the form of blades, claws, fangs, etc). While in use, however, the otherwise incredibly powerful shields cannot be utilized (with the sole exception of when this energy/aether is used to create wings).

Telepathic offense. Also unlike most biomechs, the prototypes are capable of using their telepathic abilities as a weapon, instead of just as a means of communication with their pilots. Most dangerous to those already sensitive to such things, but even the telepathically insensitive can sustain damage from a concentrated enough assault, barring intervention from another source (such as another biomech, magic, specially-designed tooling, etc).

Back spikes. Located either side of midline, three to a side. Can be superheated to cause immense slashing damage.

Nose spike. Located on Shogoki’s snout. Can also be superheated, but is intended for stabbing over slashing.

Silvarre/“Shogoki” is mostly meant as a proof of concept for the biomech design, and its usage is also avoided wherever possible in most ‘verses due to its unpredictability.

===

All art here by the lovely @saintgale​! Thank you again, for finally bringing these guys to life in visual art. <3

[delldarling]

promises | kusuo

a commission for the absolute sweetheart @oddities-and-commodities !

male yamabiko x gender/body neutral reader 2000 words sfw | curiosity, mild flirting - under a read more purely for length! 

It’s like a muddled memory, playing out in your dreams.

“Do you hear that?” You remember asking, feeling your mouth part as you’d glanced back over your shoulder at your friends. You’d been a bit ahead of them, coming to a slow stop at the crest of the hill, eager for the walk, the journey through a treacherous bit of mountain. Though treacherous was a bit of a stretch. This area was supposed to be very safe.

You think, think, though you’re not sure, that one of them may have asked whether it was the echoes, or the rumbling. 

“...Neither,” you’d said with a laugh, turning to look back up the worn path, shaded with towering pines and camphors. “It’s a voice, like someone is- did you say rumbling?” You’d repeated, turning back to clarify and then there’d been- 

Nothing. 

Your hand scrubs over your face, the smell of overturned earth strong in the air, strong on your hands. When you finally blink open your eyes, nursing an aching head, you see nothing but great trees and sky overhead, and a dark stripe of damp rocks to your side and-

“A slide!” You say, jolting up, clutching desperately at the crown of your aching head. 

Rocks and earth! You’re lucky you missed it, someone says to the left of you. You frown, still blinking, because the voice almost sounds like it’s been overlaid with your own. Or rather, your words: “A slide!” echoes back to you, rising and falling in pitch.

“My friends?” You ask, turning to your left and wincing with the speed of your movement.

They were shouting for you. I assume they’re.. well, but.. Did you just hear me? He says, and the words grow soft, though you can still hear them clearly, even over the repeated echo of “My friends? My .. friends? friends? Ends?”

You’re about to say yes, to ask why everything sounds strange, or whether you may have hit your head much harder than you’d thought- when you finally focus on his face. 

Long black hair spills over his shoulders, pulled loose from a rough looking braid. He’s handsome, but you notice that only as an afterthought, because you can’t quite seem to tear your gaze away from his eyes and mouth. His eyes are golden brown, and his irises are so large that you can barely see the whites of his sclera. Pointed, canine-like teeth peek out from behind his parted lips, and- he’s a tail. Long in length, it’s covered in short fur just a tad lighter than his hair. As soon as he sees you looking, he grabs at it, trying to keep it still- though nerves keep it writhing in his grip. 

You hear me? He asks again, voice even and clear, even as his mouth shapes the words “My friends? My friends? Friends?” trailing off into an echo that bounces off the high mountain walls on either side of you. You flinch when another crumbling noise catches your attention, but...

It’s only then that you realize you don’t hear him. Not out-loud. You’re hearing him in your head.

“...I do. Hear you, I mean. Are you really-” You lick your lips, still trying to process, trying to calm the sudden racing of your heart. His eyes. Those sharp teeth, and the tail, wriggling about in his nervous hands.

This is amazing! He declares, letting go of his tail and taking a quick step towards you. He echoes you again as you hear the thought, sweet looking mouth repeating: “Are you really, are you, are you-” He licks his lips, crouching when he gets in close, rough-looking hands reaching out for you and then hesitating. You’re the first human I’ve ever met who can- I’ve heard stories, he assures you, those strange eyes darting to your face and then down to your feet. But I never thought I would get the chance to meet someone like you! Most of you are so unobservant, you barely catch sight of our shadows in the trees, but you! Nerves forgotten he reaches out to cradle your face in both of his hands, calloused thumbs brushing over your lips as he tilts your head from side to side. The ache in your head starts to ease, but a small curl of embarrassment rises in your chest. He’s so close, and his voice is still overlaid with the echo of your words. You have to concentrate to filter out the sound of it, to hear him speaking amidst the noise he makes. 

“Was- did I hear you earlier? Before the slide?” You ask, trying not to move too fast. He’s- strange, handsome, even with those sharp teeth flashing behind his lips, but not frightening. No, not with how excited he looks, how curious he’s acting, squishing your cheeks and then pinching gently, as if he’s never touched another person's face before. Your words are starting to come out garbled with all the extra motion of your cheeks, but you’re still a little too shocked to push him away. “Because I thought I- I heard-”

“I heard- I heard-” He repeats, delight shining through his eyes. Yes! I was telling you- Suddenly, the pleased look fades and his hands cease their prodding. He doesn’t pull away, but glances off towards the slide, tracking the line of it off of the mountains. I was telling you about the slide, or trying to, anyway. Humans can so rarely hear us..

“My friends-” You say again, and then take a deep breath to calm yourself. He’d said they were well, and until the slide is cleared, you can’t waste energy worrying. “Thank you, for trying to warn me. I’m sorry I didn’t figure it out sooner, but-”

No! He says, squishing your cheeks again. That you heard me at all is wonderful! Now I get to speak with you! He echoes your words, but there’s a soft rasp before he says them that reminds you of a laugh. A real human, I- Forgive me! He takes his hands from your face. I forget myself- I am Kusuo. He sketches an awkward bow, crouched as he is, and then immediately reaches out to trace his fingers over the shell of your ears. You’re fairly sure that his tail is waving in the air, not unlike the slow wag of a pleased dog. Are all human ears this small?

You flinch away, not truly scared, but still startled by his complete lack of personal space. He follows like a toddler though, intent on reaching something bright or shining, and tugs gently on your earlobe. You can’t help but shiver. He smells just like the pines and camphors.  

“Do you- uh-” You don’t know what he is, and it feels rude to ask, but seeing as he’s asking mildly awkward things- “Do you have large ears?” You ask, feeling your face warm the longer the longer he explores.

Kusuo doesn’t even hesitate before he brushes a loose lock of his long dark hair back, exposing his larger, and faintly pointed, ears. You barely have time to let your jaw drop before he’s pressing at the tip of your nose. You knock his fingers away when he touches the curved edge of your nostril.

“Large ears? Ears?” He says, lips quirking into a mischievous smile. Humans are so soft! Though I confess, our fur is sometimes softer. See? His tail suddenly tickles under your nose and you bat that away too, laughing. 

“Our?” You repeat and for just a moment Kusuo stills, his head tilting to the side. When nothing else happens, he wrinkles his nose and then goes back to his prodding, focusing this time on your hands and how short your fingers are compared to his. 

I thought, perhaps, that you might be able to speak like us, as you can hear, but- Yes! Our, us, there are many of my kind! Yamabiko. Echoes! He gestures vaguely to the trees, and you think you catch sight of a few more pairs of large eyes peering down at you through thick branches before they vanish. “Our,” Kusuo says, curling his long fingers around your own. You realize, as he turns your hand this way and that, rolling your wrist slowly and carefully, that he has extra knuckles in his fingers. Can you tell me about human speech? He continues, thumb stroking over the pulse in your wrist.

“Some? Uh, it depends on what you would like to know,” you start, brows raising when he finally sits next to you instead of crouching. His knees are warm, pressed against your legs. 

Everything. Anything you can tell me! Do you truly live on the ground? Kusuo asks, and he looks absolutely horrified at the thought. 

You don’t quite know about all the subjects he would like to discuss. The topics range from how human bodies function - age in particular seems to confuse him - to why humans are so willing to travel away from their homes, and then to the philosophical. When Kusuo starts asking what you think the stars are for, you put a stop to questions, carefully taking his hands out of your hair and standing. 

“While I’ve very much enjoyed our talk, Kusuo-”

“Kusuo,” he repeats, a wide smile appearing on his face. Say it again! 

“Kusuo,” you say, giving in to the brightness in his eyes. “I need to find shelter, or try and make my way back through the slide. People are going to come looking soon, if they’re not already-”

A few more questions? Kusuo pleads, getting to his feet. You blink, surprised again when he straightens up. He would tower over you, if only he’d straighten his shoulders a bit. They’re important!

“...Alright,” you say with a weary sigh, though you can’t hide the small smile that steals over your face when he grabs hold of your hand again. 

The questions… Aren’t really important. Kusuo just can’t contain his exuberance, and you think, though he hasn’t said, that he might assume he’ll never see you again. You hear human voices calling your name a short while later - people working to get through the slide, and your chest lightens when you hear your friends among them. It’s then that you note the sun is starting to get lower in the sky. 

“Kusuo,” you interrupt, stopping him tracing the bridge of your nose. “Our time is just about up-”

One more question! He pleads again, repeating “Up! Up!!” with a desperate look on his face. His eyes are starting to dart over to the slide though, where the human voices are getting louder and the sound of clanging is beginning to echo through the mountains. You blink, glancing up at the trees, realizing that the echo is coming from Kusuo’s hiding people. They’re imitating the sound of the workers.

“About up,” echoes quietly off of the trees, just barely interfering with his actual voice in your head: Will you come again? When it’s safe, of course, I don’t want any harm to befall you.

For the first time, Kusuo looks… Almost shy, clutching at his braid with one hand and the tips of your fingers with the other. You catch sight of his tail swaying before it stills, wrapping smoothly around one of his thighs.

“I never said I was going to leave for good,” you tease him, hoping the fading light will hide the silly look on your face. You know it’s a vain hope though, with those eyes of his he can probably see details even better now. “But yes. I’ll come visit you again when things quiet down.”

The tension eases from his shoulders and another smile breaks over his face. He laces his long fingers with yours, squeezing your palm gently before he glances towards the slide, and the soft crumbling noises filling the area.

“I won’t forget,” you reassure him, and your heart starts to pound as he slips away, impossibly fast. “I promise.”

[theobscures]

Summary of: Filgaia

Okay so since Wild ARMs is such an obscure RPG series and that a lot of it isn’t that well documented, I figured I would compile this post for my moots wanting to interact with my Jack muse or for those curious! Be warned that this will get wordy--WA gets pretty comprehensive with its lore--and also spoiler heavy for the first game.

Though Filgaia is a recurring world in each WA game, the cast, story, lore, and geography differ in each installment. (A bit like how Final Fantasy games share the same motifs but have completely different settings.) Since my muse is Jack Van Burace and since I’m most passionate about the first game, this post will only detail the first incarnation of Filgaia (particularly the PS1 original’s).

Geography and the Guardians:

Filgaia is an Earth-like planet that, in its current state, has been on a painfully slow decay for a thousand years now. Though the its ecosystems are still fairly diverse--with grasslands, forests, oceans, and even snowy mountains--most of it has increasingly turned into wasteland and threatens the areas still yet untouched. The planet’s continents form a sort of ‘ring’ that shapes two oceans; the Inner Sea and the Outer Sea.

The state of decay is caused in part by the Guardians’ diminishing powers--they are the 20 spiritual beings and beasts whose magic power protects and maintains the lifeforce of Filgaia. The Guardians and Filgaia are all connected by a spiritual channel called the “Ray Line” that lies beneath the planet’s crust and carries and supplies the shared lifeforce. They can lend their powers through protective tablets called Runes.

The Guardians’ diminishing powers are believed to be a direct result of the devastating war that occurred 1,000 years ago, which damaged most of the planet’s life and geography (there is a massive desert called the Sand Ocean created by the destruction). In reality the true cause of the Guardians’ loss of power was the inhabitants losing hope, courage, and love in their hearts (though that too was also caused by the war). The loss of these virtues have made the Guardians grow weak and themselves despairing.

Inhabitants:

Humans are the most populous on Filgaia. 1,000 years ago however, they used to share the planet with the Elw (”the ancients”) who were closely connected with nature but also very technologically advanced. The humans and Elws didn’t just share Filgaia, but also the human space colony Malduke that orbited around the planet. But as the colony was also equipped with the capability for mass destruction, the Guardians crucially sunk the connecting tower, Ka Dingel, to the bottom of the sea.

After the war, the Elws chose to abandon their homeworld for a new one in the Elw Dimension they created. One of the last things that the Elws did for Filgaia before leaving it was to create the “Elw Pyramids” to help amplify its lifeforce when the Guardians’ strength grew weak--essentially putting the planet on life support. But they also function as transports by teleporting people across Filgaia as energy with the use of satellites orbiting the atmosphere. Despite the Elw’s efforts, the pyramids seem to at most slow Filgaia’s decay.

The one other thing the Guardians are closely linked to are the women of the Adlehyde royal family. Though it’s not said why, the Adlehyde women are gifted with magic power and are the only ones who can hear and speak with the Guardians. The royal family’s heirloom is the “Tear Drop”, a blue gemstone that reflects the powers of the Guardians and also contains the essence of the shared lifeforce. In the right hands it can “give birth” to life.

With Filgaia’s never-ending hardships and the loss of valued virtues, there are a handful of people who have chosen to reject their former lives to become “Dream Chasers” (or drifters or migrant birds depending on translation); those who live for the thrill of adventure without a care in the world, though each person’s reasons are unique. Some are looking for treasure, some for fame or power, and some for simple belonging.

History:

Filgaia is defined by the very history of the great war. 1,000 years ago, the planet was invaded by the extraterrestrial Metal Demons--so called because they are of “living metal”. The Demons’ home world, Hiades, was destroyed by their parasitic Queen Mother and forced them to flee and conquer another world. Perhaps unaware of her true nature though, Mother’s sole desire and existence is to destroy everything in reality--which includes the Filgaia that the Demons hope to colonize.

The Metal Demons’ power was truly unparalleled and a grave threat to the inhabitants of Filgaia. To combat them, the Elws banded with the Guardians and humans to develop a series of powerful technological weapons. Many of these were far too powerful though and, after the war, the Elw sealed them away in tightly-secured ruins never to be unearthed. But treasure hunters and scientists eventually found them. These weapons were,

ARMs: Short for Ancient Relic Machine. These (I believe) can actually refer to any weapon the Elw developed for the war, but in this context they refer to very powerful firearms synchronized with psychic waves. In present day, they are highly feared and forbidden weapons--those in possession of one are often exiled from their homes, becoming drifters. They (along with other ancient technology) have been researched by the scientist Zepet and his six apprentices, now known as the ARMs Meisters. Despite the ARMs being taboo, there is a small growing interest and ‘economy’ in them as shops supplying bullets opened. 

The Golems: There were eight golems created for combat and defense. They are mecha-like, able to be controlled by issuing commands, and each represent an element. The golems have now long since turned inactive and lifeless.

The Guardian Blade: Little is known about it, but it was a sword infused with pure life energy and was devastatingly powerful--it is actually rumored to be the main cause of Filgaia’s decay. It tore across the planet, forming the massive Sand Ocean desert, before ultimately destroying itself. The Elw consider its creation to be their greatest sin and the forger of the blade, the Elw Vassim, is labeled a criminal by his kind. In present day, most still believe it is hidden somewhere in the desert and have died trying to find it.

The Holmcross Project: (Or Humonculus.) They were the successor to the Golems and the Elw’s final weapons. The Elw and human mages created them by replicating the “biometals” of the Demons they had captured, essentially creating an artificial man who is both organic and metal. Their enhancements enabled them to better synchronize with the ARMs and made them the best choice against the Metal Demons. However because they were blank slates and lacked empathy and understanding in their hearts, the Holmcross went on violent rampages and killed anyone they came across. The Elw were forced to destroy them all save for one, a prototype they sealed away. (Spoiler: He later became Rudy.)

By far the greatest threat to Filgaia, aside from all of the Elw’s advancements, was Queen Mother. Whether the weapons helped at all or not, the Guardians were able to defeat Mother by splitting her heart into three pieces. Each piece became guarded by a Guardian Statue whereas Mother’s body was sealed away in a cocoon (called the “Arch” in Alter Code F). Queen Mother is not actually dead though; she’s technically immortal and would be revived if reunited with her heart pieces and given life by the Tear Drop. The cocoon was housed deep in Arctica Castle in the north.

Mother’s defeat thwarted the Metal Demons’ goal and they disappeared from memory, having seemingly abandoned Filgaia, and became part of the war’s myth. But Filgaia has never able to move on from its devastating past as the planet continues to decay and the inhabitants must live with the consequences. It’s easy to lay blame on the Elw, but the drive to develop the weapons was likely a mix of fearful desperation, a lust for intellectual or physical power, or even at the pressuring of the humans.

Towns:

Village of Surf: A small farming community that has fell on hard times due to the encroaching decay. Rudy used to live and tend to the horses here.

Curan Abbey: A boarding school south of Adlehyde that teaches the magic arts. It is customary for women of the Adlehyde royal family to study here until their 17th birthday.

Adlehyde Castle Town: The fortified ‘capital’ in front of Adlehyde Castle. In the ancient Elw language, Adlehyde means “light”. The town praises itself for its scientific community and accomplishments and holds a festival dedicated to their findings.

Milama Village: Also called the “oasis of Filgaia”, Milama is built around a moat of clear water and is one of the very few places still untouched by the decay. A popular destination.

Baskar Village: Another tiny farming community populated by people who bond with nature. It sits close to the Altar of the Wind Caller where the Guardian Zephyr, the “west wind of hope”, may be summoned. It’s also close to a Guardian Statue and an Elw Pyramid. Baskar supplies the “Kizim Fire”, which is used to light the pyramids’ furnaces and reactivate them.

Saint Centour: A city settlement named after its Guardian Statue: Ione Paua the centaur Saint Guardian. The city is heavily fortified with tight security and an invisible ‘dimensional’ barrier that surrounds it. This barrier repels monsters, demons, and spirits, but fails if either are smuggled inside with a person. It’s also near an Elw Pyramid.

Port Timney: A seaside port town along the Inner Sea that is mostly populated by trade merchants and sailors. There is a local tradition here that people propose marriage with a crystal flower. It sits near an Elw Pyramid.

Town of Yard: A harbor that sits close to the Sand Ocean desert. It used to be bustling with trade but has turned desolate as a result of the tumultuous sea warding off ships. There is a famous beach here where almost anything lost at sea is said to wash ashore there; it earned the town the nickname “Ship Graveyard” and is what most call it today.

Rosetta Town: A prosperous town that has managed to avoid the decay, but it is now also facing threat with the lack of trade ships coming in. It is most notably the home of the sole Elw who chose to remain in Filgaia, Mariel. But the townsfolk are suspicious of her. The town sits close to the secret Elw Dimension gateway.

Court Seim: An orphanage town founded by the Maxwells: Nicholi the ARMs Meister and his daughter Jane. They originally lived in Milama but, unable to afford it there, were forced to move away to a small, desolate island to keep supporting the orphans. There is an evacuation sanctuary nearby in case of emergencies.

Elw Village: Not actually part of Filgaia anymore but in the Elw Dimension. When the Elws chose to leave Filgaia they picked a large plot of land and isolated it within a dimension they created for themselves, which became a floating island. Outsiders are forbidden. The dimension resembles Filgaia before the war and its decay.

Pandemonium: Though most of the Metal Demons were defeated in the war, a small handful of them survived and secretly built a couple strongholds for themselves, including the Photosphere and Demon Lab--this one being their castle fortress.

Arctica: A proud kingdom that used to exist in the northern tundra continent. It used to be guarded by the seven Fenril Knights, who not only protected the royalty and the people, but also Mother’s cocoon hidden deep within the castle. A few years prior, the kingdom fell when the Metal Demons attacked. There were no survivors. (Spoiler: Except Jack and Elmina.)

Ancient Arena (Devil’s Playground in Alter Code F): A castle that holds gladiator-style battle tournaments. The battles are overseen by the self-proclaimed “Duke” Pegucci who, frankly, enjoys watching contestants battle-to-the-death a little too much. It is rumored that the arena used to be the castle of the King of Illusions in ancient times.

Malduke: A space colony in Filgaia’s orbit where the humans originally lived before they came to live on Filgaia with the Elw. It’s also called the “New Moon”. The colony and Filgaia were connected by a tower called Ka Dingel that could teleport travelers to and from. The colony has now long since been abandoned ever since the Guardians sunk the Ka Dingel to the sea to prevent Malduke from using misused for destruction.

[whatzaoverwatch]

Demons Vow Part 2

Yall wanted a part 2 so here is a part two. This one got a bit lengthy so there maybe a possible part 3 (with nsfw? Hoho maybe) Part 1 Part 2

Five Months Ago

You had taken an off path from work that night. Working overtime cost you the last bus ride back to your place and you were stuck taking the alternative route. Just a path within the park that wasn’t exactly the safest place to be. Having it be the middle of the night didn’t help your situation either. It was a good thing you were cautious enough to have your cellphone fully charged in hand and a bag heavy enough to strike down anyone that came near you.

Everything within the woods managed to startle you. From the cool air of the wind to the sound of your footsteps. Even a street cat was more mundane than your state. It wasn’t really something you could overcome, hearing every now and again how certain people disappeared around the area. You could be walking to your own death if you weren’t careful.

Just before you fell deeper into your thoughts to escape the silence around you, a rustle came very close by. Slowing your movements until you were completely still in place. Your knuckles turned white from how hard you gripped your bag. Keeping an eye on where the noise came from and where the safest escape route was. Swallowing thickly, you noticed the branches rustling with a shadow looming against the moonlight.

“Who’s there?” You called out rather meekly, stepping back a bit in case the presence made a running start.

But what you did find instead was a person lingering in the shadows. Staggering against the trees in a hunched stance. Furrowing your brows, your focus fixated on the silhouette and the weight it rested against the oak. Before you could heed a warning, you could very distinctly hear heavy breathing from the figure. A sound that was raspy rather than threatening. The more you could make out the shadow, the sudden colour you found smeared against the tree from its form made you petrified: red. All instincts told you to run the other way, to escape what could be a maniac. But they didn’t seem fixated on you whatsoever, only to how much they could remain standing up. Trying to keep their balance only to slump onto the grass beneath them. Hearing them curse before mumbling aloud.

“Perhaps I am weak as he says…” He spoke rather harshly upon himself. Glancing quickly upwards when he realized he wasn’t alone. At first he seemed relaxed, but your continuous observance made him rather nervously, “Y-You can’t see me can you?”

You blinked in confusion, unsure on what he meant by that. Foolishly, you approached him with a nod.

“Am I not supposed to?” Asking him curiously, only to find the figure leaning against the branch with a curse.

“No…you’re not suppose to be here in the first place. Is this your intention, brother? To have me die before a mortal?” Now he started to sound even more delusional, you thought. The best you could do was to run at this point.

But your eyes fixated on the red against the tree. Once the moon reflected off the branches, you realized what he meant by dying. This man wasn’t posing a threat, he was injured. Your nurturing side kicked in as you knew you couldn’t leave him helpless like this. Brushing all fear, you had to help.

“A-Are you alright??” You asked aloud for his attention once more, only for a set of red eyes to leer back at you.

“Stay away!” The man growled distastefully, warning you of any approach you dared to make. Kneeling to the ground close by, you proceeded to get a better look.

The figure was a man in black clothing, hugging his torso from where the blood was seeping from. His face was covered in what seemed to be a mask that reflected a set of red eyes. Broken and marked with blood as if it had witnessed a battle. Weapons rested on his backside that shared the same shade of crimson. What ever happened to cause such a thing? Why hadn’t you seen a man like this before? Scrambling to look in your bag, you shook your head at his threat.

“You’re injured, please let me help.” Finally finding a spare uniform shirt you held onto, you proceeded to scoot over. Attempting to assist him, only for a hand to quickly reach out and snatch your wrist. Glaring at you even more with a hiss.

“I said, stay away from me! I do not need a mortals help.” There he said it again: mortal. What did that mean? You questioned in your mind for later, trying to rid the soreness of his grip. Bundling the shirt in your grasp, you shook your head.

“No! You’re hurt, I am not going to leave you here to just die. I know I can’t do much but let me try,” You don’t know why you persisted, he could easily kill you with the weapons you had if he could. But you knew better than to let him stay like this. Despite the still expression upon the mask, you could sense the conflict. Debating on whether to depend on you with his life. Placing a hand over the one he held you with, you gave him a sincere look, “Please…”

The wind blew softly against both of your skins. Moonlight just shifting itself to get a better look against your forms. Seeing how much more the damage was than the darkness presented. All hesitation ceased when he released your hand. A silent permission to continue your actions. It was more than enough for you, beckoning him to lean back as you inspected the wound. A large gash was revealed against his torso, deep enough to see pale skin within the black material. Using the shirt, you gently pressed against the wound with a shake of your head.

“This looks bad, we will need to take you to a hospital.” He winced with a sharp breath, causing you to mumble an apology before he shook his head.

“N-No hospital.” He hissed tilting his head to the side. Pressing your lips to a thin line, every part of this man screamed for you to run, but you remained with another offer.

“I may have some supplies at home that can help, but I am no doctor.” You noticed him staring at you as you spoke, trying to focus yourself on the wound, “But I’ll need you to come with me.”

“Why are you helping me?” He questioned, stilling your movements for a moment. Thinking upon the what ifs and the bad turns this could result to. But it only trailed to one thing: this man was injured and for some reason, you trusted him.

“I…I don’t know. Right now, I want to get this patched up before it gets infected, come on.” Gesturing for him to hold onto the shirt, you scooted to his side.

Placing his arm over your shoulder as you got up. Apologizing profusely when he winced in pain from the movement. You shifted his weight closer to you to keep some of the pain at a minimum. Hearing his shaky breath, you guided him out of the park and slowly towards your home.

“Do you have a name?” You asked, breaking the silence between you two to focus away from the pain. You noticed him glancing down at you once more. Expressionless behind the mask before he spoke.

“I do.”

“What is it?”

“Why do you need to know?” Looking away from the masks stare, you adjusted yourself a little with a shrug.

“Just curious. If you’d rather hear my name first, it’s [Name].” Feeling those eyes, peel away from you, you weren’t certain what he was thinking at this moment.

“Genji.”

“Well, I’d say nice to meet you, but I don’t think this is the most ideal way to meet someone.” You snorted, trying to pick some humor out of the situation. Just passing the gates, you suddenly heard him chuckle softly.

“Well at least someone takes to my jokes.”

-

Everything after that moment was such a surreal blur. When you took him home (without any suspicion from your landlord or neighbours) to when you finally tended to his wounds. At first, you began to deny what were the obvious hints that Genji was not normal. To the pale skin and the claws beneath his gloves when you instructed him to remove them for assistance. The only thing he told you not to remove was his mask. You didn’t question it then, but you understood that notion now.

That morning is when the realization hit you. A co-worker came by asking why you didn’t head into work that day and you proceeded to explain how you helped someone. You went to present the man before the worker, only for them to not see anyone. Despite Genji being in the same room, it was as if he didn’t exist to your co-worker. Before you began to wonder if this was all a delusion, he proceeded to explain before you started to lose it.

He was not human, but in fact, a thousand-year-old demon that lived outside the city. Raised among a very secretive clan that was to remain hidden from the mortals. But he was always so fascinated by mortal culture and how they functioned unlike demons. Forbidden as it was he always observed. Unfortunately his defiance was exposed to the clan and most importantly his brother. Claiming it as an act of treason for betraying the clan, he was targeted for trail and potential execution. Banished from his home gravely wounded, he managed to escape with the last strings of life in his grasp. That was until you found him.

“No mortal has ever seen a demon, properly that is. We choose whether we are to be seen, but it is up to the mortal whether they wish to listen.”

That’s what he told you, but he also claimed something else that set your path on the one you were living in.

“Given that I no longer have a home and you saved my life, I am now indebted to you. That is a Demons Vow, to assist and guide another until their debt is fully repaid.”

So here you were with a demon within your home. Or better yet, a little bit of a freeloader until he becomes overprotective of you. At least that’s what it seemed to you for a good while. It was clear that he was from a higher household as his demeanour and needs reflected one of nobility. In simpler terms: he was a brat. Often teasing you in your mortal ways and discovering ways to fuck around with anyone near you. Such as today for instance, when he scared away the creep that had been heckling you for weeks. He knew your discomfort and he only wanted to try and help the situation. That’s when you realized, that maybe this one time, you were wrong with being upset with him.

Thinking upon that as you watched from the couch at his cooking. Surprisingly enough, he was a good cook. Self taught from watching humans he claimed upon the first meal he made for you. Honestly, he cooked better than you and anything was better than heating up cheap ramen with no flavor. Nibbling the ends of your hoodie sleeves as he worked, his back facing you while he proceeded to finish the meal. Silence was no stranger to the household, knowing the walls were thin and neighbours presuming you were talking to yourself wasn’t a good image. But you couldn’t help but look over Genjis form.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t develop a crush on the demon. He was very sweet sometimes and he knew how to make you laugh. Caring for you and sharing stories from when he was younger. Out of anyone you had met in the city, you felt that you had a real relationship with Genji. But the reality always had to strike back every now and again: he was only here because he was indebted to you.

If he wasn’t, you’d be certain he wouldn’t stick around someone who was a stick in the mud like you. He had immortality, freedom, and charming looks you could only imagine he hide beneath the mask. You were just a run of the mill human who clung to her thankless job to remain in the city. What would he ever want with someone like you?

“Didn’t you always tell me it was rude to stare at someone?”

Snapping back from your numbing thoughts, you realized you gaze on him didn’t go unnoticed. He truly was a ninja as he claimed. Ceasing your chewing against the material of your sweater, you sighed and hugged your legs.

“I’m sorry,” You mumbled, stopping his work for a moment to turn his head. Not enough to look at you, but enough to have you continue, “I’m sorry that I got mad at you for scaring him away. You were right, he had been making me uncomfortable and I wanted nothing to do with him. Same with the landlord, you were only trying to protect me. I shouldn’t be mad at you for that.”

He was quiet for a moment, having you shift from the tension thinking he was going to make a remark. The room was suddenly filled with a soft chuckle, just as he did when you two had met. Piquing your curiosity, you lifted your head towards him.

“What’s so funny?”

“Those words are foreign to me: I was right,” He mentioned stirring the contents in the pan he was cooking with, “More often than not I am in the wrong. It’s…nice to hear that for a change.”

“Were you always told that back in your clan?” You got up slowly to approach him, letting him speak on his own accord.

“Most of the time, mainly from my brother of all people. He always told me how I will never live up to the clan if my heart grew as soft as humans. That’s why he wanted me to stay away from them.” He told you, having you fiddle with your hoodie strings for a moment.

“You told me you don’t trust humans, yet you always observed them and wanted to be near them. Why was that?” A sizzle from the pan was heard as he added another ingredient.

“I was trained to protect the clan from humans. Understanding their intentions and learning about their nature,” He explained while focusing on his task, “But when I observed them overtime, I discovered they weren’t all as destructive or careless as my Father told us. Some carried kind hearts and humble souls. Some more naïve than others, but they weren’t all as bad as it seemed. However, despite the grey area, I would not dare to expose myself to just anyone. If mortals discovered our existence, or rather those with cold hearts, will seek to destroy us however they can.”

“Yet, you exposed yourself to me.” You reminded him of the previous topic. Stilling his movements once your were just behind him. You watched the tension in his shoulders return in his form.

“I was injured and weak at the time. Perhaps a part of me was desperate for anyone to help. Or maybe you were desperate enough to want to find me.”

“What makes you think that?”

“You told me when you moved here, you were all alone. No friends or family whatsoever. Maybe a part of you looked for that when you were alone in the park.” Looking down to the ground, you felt the truth in those words more than ever. All you wanted was someone to be around, even if it meant that it was a demon.

“What would you do, once your debt was repaid?” You asked. A question that stung your heart but long awaited an answer. You always wondered on the after thought, and you were certain he thought the same. Would he leave you? Find somewhere else to hide? Go find someone better than you?

“I don’t know,” Surprised by his answer, you looked up to watch that he left the pan to simmer. Looking down at you with that same expressionless mask, “I hadn’t thought that far into the future. Rest assured I am in no rush to fulfill it, but only you will make the call on whether or not the contract is complete. If it means me protecting you from any untrustworthy mortals, or if you wish for me to give you your space, I will grant it.”

“Would…” You swallowed thickly, unable to look at him in the eyes on what you were going to ask, “would you leave, when it was done?”

You didn’t know when you were shaking, or when the tears decided to sting your eyes. But you couldn’t imagine what your life would be like if he was gone. Back to your lonely life in the city with no one to talk to or to make your smile. You didn’t want that, you REFUSED to go back to that. Even if it meant keeping him indebt until you die. But you didn’t want to conceal his freedom. Finding your head suddenly tilted up to look at him, you couldn’t hide your tears away when he looked down at you. What did he think of you now? Refraining from sobbing, you felt a sense of ease when he brushed away your tears. Finding him lingering just closer your face than before.

“Only if you tell me to,” He assured you, stroking his thumb against your cheek, a soft gesture he had never presented before, “To be honest, I’ve grown accustomed to living here. Despite how grotesque the smell is, you seem to bring a rather, comforting presence here.”

“If…if my debt was, having you be here with me…would you fulfill that?” Blinking up at him, unsure of what he would say to that. To be tied to a human who had grown fond of him these past few months.

What was little time to him was an eternity to you. Suddenly, you felt a gentle shift of something brush against your skin. Blinking through your blurry tears, you found that for the first time, he had removed his mask. A pale skin littered in burns and scars you remembered from when you two first met, surrounding a set of rather gentle looking brown eyes. A surprising gaze you couldn’t have imagined Genji to bestow. He tilted your cheeks more before leaning closer to you, lips just barely touching each other.

“I would gladly do that, [Name].” He whispered ever so softly, planting an ever so surprising kiss upon your lips. A kiss you only imagined in your dreams, was happening right now as you leaned into his touch.

To be continued

[levaer]

THE BIG BLEACH HC MEME centering around politics, repost & fill out! For anyone who wanted to explore those aspects more, considering it played a big role in the story. Some things may be unknown to your Muse, just think in WHAT IF then & well, have fun and take your time!

BASICS

Name:   Askin Nakk Le Vaar    / / /    Age:   1000+    / / /    Gender:   Cis male Race:   Shinigami / Quincy / Hollow / Fullbringer / Visored / Human / Other Currently lives:   Soul Society / Hueco Mundo / Silbern / Living World / Hell  Exact Location:   Half of his life is set in the Wandenreich. Post-war, his location varies. Group(s): Quincy / Sternritter / Schutzstaffel

QUESTIONS

- Would your muse consider themselves more: GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL ? - Would your muse consider their group more: GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see them: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see their race: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see their group: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ?

- Is your muse considered a threat: YES / NO ?  From whom?:  No, because I hc that the Shinigami aren’t actually aware Askin survived; if they knew, however, there’s the possibility he’d be deemed a threat.  - Is your muse powerful: YES / NO ?  Could they be considered OP:  YES / NO ? - Did your muse commit any crimes: YES / NO ? - Does your muse think they are doing mostly the right thing: YES / NO ? - Would society think the same: YES / NO / MIXED OPINIONS ?

- Does your muse think they are treated unfairly: YES / NO ? - Does your muse feel understood from others: YES / NO ? - Is it important for them what others think of them as a person: YES / NO ? - Would they welcome death:  YES / NO ? - Will they ever find peace:  YES / NO ?

01.0.  Do they fully stand behind the group they are part of? YES / NO. Why is that? Explain: Askin likes to think he’s rootless, and that’s true for the most part, but he’s still a human being. He was rootless enough to drop everything he knew, his entire world, and embark on a journey with a blurry destination - but not enough not to feel a little bit of sense of belonging to the Wandenreich, which he has been serving for over a thousand years, and for the Quincy as a whole. They’re not all good or bad, they’re people; he’s not all good or bad, either. But they’re his people, a part of his, even if not aloud, acknowledges this.

02.0.  Do they like as things are in Soul Society? YES / NO / INDIFFERENT. 02.1.  Is there anything they would change? Explain here: Askin is not one to judge. He would not condemn the many for the sins of the few, but ... he would not forgive the few for the sins of the many, either. He’s not too informed about the specific dynamics of Soul Society, though he’s familiar with the violent foundation of it since he fought against the first generation of the Gotei, during the First Quincy War. Let’s say, he would not change anything in particular, but he would not mind if all got wiped away, either. 

03.0. Would they ever actively try to bring change (in general)? YES / NO. 03.1. Is your muse more: passive / active ?  Introverted / Extroverted ? 03.2. Does your muse care more about: others / themselves ?  / /  all of Askin’s life has been projected on someone else’s dream. Ultimately, he looks after himself, but he led a strongly collective life for so long, it kinda shaped him. 03.3. Do they trouble their mind over a lot of problems, others? YES / NO. 03.4. Do they mostly involve: the world / everyone / themselves / comrades / friends / family / elderly / kids / teenagers / home / workplace / strangers / souls / humans / quincy / shinigami / nobles / fullbringer / visored / hollows / espada / arrancar / (former) boss(es) / pets / animals / zanpakuto spirit / enemies / partner / lovers / soul king / god / other…(add more) 03.5. Name (up to) three which are the most on their mind (optional, adding names): Askin has a tendency not to hold onto anything. His own thoughts feel light as clouds to him as they cross his minds, and he’s definitely not the type to obsess over something or someone. After the war, Urahara Kisuke has been on his mind for a while; mostly, he wondered whether he had succeeded in taking him down. Grimmjow too; I think, especially for a Quincy, the feeling of a Hollow’s claws is not something easily forgotten.  

04.0. Do they think frequently about politics? YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Why is that? Explain: More frequently than he would like to, actually. His social background demanded of him at least some basic knowledge of the feudal system, administration and interrelations with other Quincy families and with the central power of the Carolingian empire. That said, Askin never let himself got too involved, but growing up witnessing his lord father administering justice, taxes, law-making etc. kind of left an imprinting. He spent a thousand years serving as a soldier in an army where all the power was intensely centralized, so he did not have much to do with politics - that’s how the Wandenreich was, as Yhwach really wasn’t a politician, anyway. Post-war though, if he contributes to the reformation of a Quincy nation, he will have to get involved whether he likes it or not.

05.0. How do they feel in their current location: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ? 05.1. Why is that?:  Silbern gives him vertigo. He preferred the instability of the Lichtreich more, but still, he’s not one to complain. The world of the living is as colorful as he remembers, always shapeshifting, and it’s really nice to see the light blue sky again after being hidden in the shadows for so long.

06.0. Does your muse have any goal: YES / NO ?  BIG / SMALL ? - 06.1. Does it involve anything world-changing: YES / NO ? - 06.2. If goal or not, any future plans? Share here:  You know how Askin is, he goes where the wind takes him. He only ever committed once in his life and it wasn’t even to a dream of his own, it was Yhwach’s design, so it would be really unkind to ask him to think about the future haha. In my rebuild verse, any plans for his immediate future involve making himself useful to the new Quincy state. Best way to keep himself occupied.

07.0. Does your muse know about the Original Sin of Soul Society*: YES / NO ? * curious? Read about it here. 07.1. If they knew, would it change their views on Soul Society: YES / NO ? 07.2. More: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ?  / /    I’m not sure Askin would care to the point of completely changing his opinion on Soul Society, since it’s already a pretty negative one. It would feel somewhat eerie to him, thinking that the victim of the original sin was Yhwach’s literal father, though.

08.0. Who is the worst person in their eyes?:  Mayuri Kurotsuchi. 08.1. What should happen to them?  Execution (quick / slow death) / Imprisonment / Stripped of their powers / Torture / Repay for their sins / Pay a Fine / Social Work / lose their loved ones / Exile / other… (add more). 08.2. Explanation: he’d kill Mayuri off quickly, as one gets rid of a thorn. It wouldn’t be a painless death, but it wouldn’t take too long; Askin is not a sadist by nature, and he would just want to make sure the bastard doesn’t take one more breath in the world.

09.0. Thoughts on: Quincy Massacre if they knew: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ? 09.1. Would they be alright with such thing happening again: YES / NO / INDIFFERENT ? 09.2. Would they try to prevent it: YES / NO / DEPENDS ? 09.3. Explanation:  I said this already, the Quincy genocide is a generational trauma for the Quincy, even those too young to be born at the time. Askin is unmoved by most things, but he witnessed with his own eyes those of his kind that were captured and killed and experimented on.  It’s something you just don’t forget, and Askin doesn’t forget easily anyway. If such a thing were to happen again, and lbr there’s a possibility since the numbers of the Quincy are always carefully monitored, Askin would fight, despite his general dislike for overall idea.

10.0. Would they ever switch sides: YES / NO ?  10.1. If yes, What could bring them to do so?:    - 10.2. Would they create a new one: YES / NO ?  or join a current one? If so, which:  Until his defeat, Askin’s allegiance is to Yhwach and betraying him / switching sides like some Sternritters did is off the table. After the war, however, he’s free of bonds, so if someone were to try and gain his loyalty, he’d consider it. He doesn’t fuck with Soul Society, though.

11.0. Does your muse follow a certain moral code*?:  YES / NO / GRAY AREA ? * (ethics) A written, formal, and consistent set of rules prescribing righteous behavior, accepted by a person or by a group of people. 11.1. What does it involve?: it’s more of what’s in his character than a real set-up code, he’s not so chivalrous. He lives by the principle of letting people live their lives without prying and being chill, mostly.  11.2. What does it NOT involve?: Askin is not a sadist, although he can be a real bastard if he commits to it. He has no problem killing, no matter how gruesomely, but he’s not entirely comfortable with harming children. He’s also not a creep lol, he wouldn’t give someone unwanted attention. 

YOUR MUSE’S VIEWS / OPINIONS ON THESE GROUPS ?

Central 46:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because: the core of Soul Society executive functions, and by extension, the most fucked up.

Four Great Noble Clans:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because: he’s not knowledgeable enough about the specifics of Soul Society politics to have an opinion on its nobility. Askin is nobility too, after all. 

Royal Guards / Gotei 13:   positive / negative / neutral .   ━   because: they’re the ones primarily responsible for the genocide, the ones Askin fought against during the first and the second war, the ones who reinforce the violent supremacy of Shinigami and who openly oppose his people. 

Fullbringer:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  doesn’t really know them, doesn’t care. A human with hollow-based abilities is somewhat of an abomination in the eyes of a Quincy, I believe, but Askin is an open-minded person.

Visored:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  Shinigami AND Hollows? Ew.

Espada:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  his only experience with an Espada in canon was Grimmjow, and it’s a tricky subject. He’s never come in contact with Aizen’s whole elite, so not much of an opinion could be formed.

Quincy:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  he’s a Quincy. It doesn’t matter how disconnected Askin might feel from his people, he devoted his entire life to the Quincy as a group, though indirectly. Askin has a cynical and disenchanted look on the world, he doesn’t buy into the romanticized concept of ‘Quincy pride’, but at the end of the day, he remains a Quincy. The millenary story of his people, their culture and powers are integral to Askin’s upbringing. He thinks he’s rootless, but he’ll never be able to uproot the Quincy in him.

YOUR MUSE’S VIEWS / OPINIONS ON THESE (IMPORTANT) PEOPLE ?

Aizen:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  he knows Aizen by reputation alone, as one of the Five Special War Powers; he’s been told the guy is a real asshole, but Askin doesn’t judge. 

Yhwach:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  Yhwach is awe-inspiring. The sense of wonder he got Askin to feel, unmoved by the passing of centuries, is the closest thing to feeling really alive he ever experienced in his life. It’s not that Askin is loyal to Yhwach himself; he’s loyal to that deep-seated feeling of wonder, the thrill of diving into the sea without knowing what’s awaiting under the surface.

Mayuri:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  his gratuitous cruelty and the horrible things he did to Quincies viscerally nauseate Askin. And you know it takes a lot to upset him.

Kurosaki:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  he’s just a boy. Why is everyone obsessed with this boy? 

Soul King:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  Askin is, and always has been, quite divorced from religion. He knows the guy is literally God. He knows Pernida and Gerard are directly linked to him, parts of him, and that Yhwach is his son but ... that’s about it. 

EXTRA(optional): add more characters which hold some meaning to your muse.

Grimmjow:   This is largely self-indulgent, but being (almost) killed by Grimmjow was like catching an disease you have been vaccinated against. The illness is meeker, sort of slowed down, but you feel the clash with the vaccine within your veins, you feel it distinctively. For one who lives between life and death, the experience Grimmjow gave him, that of a frozen instant in which he’s both alive and dead, is something Askin will never forget. He will never forget the feeling. 

CONGRATS, you managed till to the end, now tag your fellow bleach partners!

TAGGED BY: myself, @senboago​ and @tatarfora​ TAGGING: steal it.

[kokoro-no-kizuna]

Mobile Friendly Rules (Read Before Interacting)

THESE ARE JUST A FEW GENERAL THINGS I FEEL ARE IMPORTANT TO BE ADDRESSED BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER, SO PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO READ THEM.

I know they seem long but some of it is also just information I thought was important for you to know before interacting with me.  And a lot of it is generic stuff too but please still read anyway. 

- ★ First and most important thing is that the mun has a very serious cannibalism trigger, which includes ANY form of people being eaten (including animals or monsters or any such other creatures eating people). (Excluding vampires, as that doesn’t typically involve the eating of human flesh, and rather simply blood itself. Zombies however, are included). As such, please tag all SNK or Hannibal related posts, especially with such things in them, but even the ones without such scenes in them, due to the fact that these two shows/fandoms are the reason I learned I have this trigger, and so the entire thing now can cause my trigger due to association, and memory connection to it. Also I ask that you tag any other shows/fandoms/gifs with such things in them as well. Please and thank you very much. My blacklisted tags are: SNK, Shingeki No Kyojin, Attack On Titan, AoT, tokyo ghoul, tg, Hannibal, Cannibalism, tw: cannibalism, twd, the walking dead, walking dead, zombies, and hunting trophies.  Any form of these (capitalization does not matter, however spaces do) will be caught by my blacklist, so I would appreciate it if you’d use one of these for those posts. Also suggestions for other possible blacklist tags that I may have forgotten are much appreciated. Also as an added note, I will not follow, RP with, or associate in ANY WAY, any blogs that have to do with my triggers. (Multi-muse blogs can sometimes be okay, this more applies to blogs that post SPECIFICALLY about the fandoms that trigger me). If you are a multi-muse blog that has characters from these fandoms, all I ask is that you be sure to tag them with the fandom they are from, with one of the tags in my list, and tag any of the triggers. We’ll be perfectly fine if you do!

- Secondly, I am not here just to to roleplay smut. I WILL do so if I feel like it and if the roleplay goes that direction after building up the relationship, however I am not here for that. I do prefer however if our smut RPs are placed under a read more, if at all possible. I will not RP smut with underage muns however. Underage muses, depending on the age (and if our muses are close to the same age, eg: Both our muses are 16, cuz teenagers do things, as much as we might dislike the fact they do, and no matter how much we wish they wouldn’t) I may still write it. It’s very dependent on the particular muses. I will not RP smut with a muse that is 18 or over, and a muse that is underage. I will not RP smut with muses that are legitimate children (14 and under). However despite my willingness to write it, it doesn’t mean that it will happen if the other mun is not comfortable with. I don’t force it. I don’t need it. I just basically accept that that kind of stuff happens, and it’s a very realistic thing. My nsfw tag is #n;sfw so you are aware, because the original nsfw tag doesn’t work as well anymore.

- ★ I am autistic. I know I don’t seem like it at first, and sometimes it’s hard to tell, however I am, and I also have ADHD, and it does affect the way my mind works with things. Sometimes having things done certain ways makes all the difference between if I can do something or if I can’t. If it sounds like I want to do something, but seem to struggle with figuring out how, please feel free to make suggestions, or start the thing yourself! It’s actually REALLY helpful when I get stuck. My being autistic can also affect who I can roleplay with, and how I roleplay, and how I think. Please keep this in mind, and try to be understanding. If something bothers you, or you don’t understand something, just ask me! I’ll do my best to explain, or fix it.

- Though it may not always seem like it, I am VERY shy and awkward. I’m actually legitimately terrified of new people, and trying to talk to people I haven’t spoken to before, or very much yet, almost makes me feel like I’m going to have a panic attack. If you want to RP with me, please message me! Chances are I’d LOVE to chat with you and RP with you, I’m just too terrified to talk to you.

- I struggle with chronic depression, and sometimes I may disappear for a while if I have a spell that gets particularly bad. Please be patient with me, as I will never forget about you and will always return. Also since it needs to be said, I also have EXTREME, doctor diagnosed anxiety. Sometimes it gets the better of me. Same with depression. Sometimes I have bad days. So I vent, and get frustrated with things. Little things bother me a lot more than they would on a normal day. If you can’t handle that or are going to be a hypocrite about it then please just leave right now. I don’t need your negativity. I have enough unwanted of that in my head as it is, which I combat and fight against every day.

- I am a multiship/multiverse blog, however my muses will likely be very selective with shipping for the time being however I am still happy to discuss ships and will happily consider them. Also a note, that I will ship with multiples of the same character, if the mun of those blogs wishes to ship with me. I find each relationship is different, seeing as each mun plays their character a little differently.

- I will do crossovers sometimes with fandoms I am familiar with. Crossovers always depend on my mood and how well my muse can interact with a character, as well as how well I know the series the character is from. Please forgive me if I choose not to roleplay a specific crossover. I still like you, I promise. If you’re unsure if I know your fandom, just ask! I do know of a lot of fandoms, so there’s a good chance I might.

- I ship based on chemistry. Sometimes I can develop a ship quickly, especially if I know the other muse’s personality well, and know they will mesh well with mine. Other times, a ship takes time for me to develop. Please be understanding and patient with me on this.

- Do NOT under any circumstances, force a ship on me. I am usually quite good at expressing ships I am okay with, and it will usually show in my writing. If you are unsure if I ship something or not, feel free to send me a message and ask me. Most of my characters have their own way of showing interest in someone, however most are usually pretty clear in expressing it in some way. Sending memes for interaction is fine for anyone whether we have interacted or not, and I will usually reply to those, however do not force a ship on me outside of that. If one develops between our characters, then fine. However that is a MUTUAL thing, so I do not take kindly to someone just deciding something is a thing. If you want to try to build one between our characters, then go ahead. Just please show me respect. That is the biggest and most important thing with me, is respect.

- I will write anything from 1 liners to multi-paragraphs when I RP. I usually stick to 1 or two shortish paragraphs, and that tends to fluctuate or shrink depending on how much information is needed to describe a scene. If we start out with a shorter paragraph, and I make a reply a fair bit longer, I will likely revert back to the shorter paragraph again within 1 or 2 replies. However you are welcome to write however you wish, just as long as you can give me something to go on. (A one liner in response to a 10 line paragraph for example, I will struggle to reply to.)

- I do not tolerate anon hate of any kind. Not towards myself, nor towards others. I will respond to it in a way that will make the sender feel rather like an idiot, and I am very smart and capable of doing so, so please be advised of that, if you intend to do so.

- I will RP more violent NSFW RPs, however ONLY as long as I am in the mood for them. Anything triggering will be tagged. The mun of this blog is (well) over 18.

- Apologies, but I absolutely WILL NOT RP with people who RP in first person. It is something I cannot stand and I just will not do it.

- ★ I am better at roleplaying ships with males (BoyxBoy/Yaoi/etc), due to being more familiar with it and having more experience with it ((as I myself am very very very gay, and also trans (which is where the issues with writing about female parts makes me very uncomfortable comes from) )). I may however attempt to ship romantically with female characters, since romantic ships I can do, but please keep in mind it is something I am not as good at or as comfortable with, so if in the end, I decide I am unable to do so, please be understanding of this. (Especially if smut is included in the ship. I cannot smut with female characters, sorry. I am well aware it’s dumb that my brain rebels to it but it doesn’t change the fact that it does.)

- I am slightly fickle about things I can reply to. I try very hard to reply to everything, however one thing I am not good at, is sudden changes in roleplays. As much as I hate to admit it, and try to pretend it isn’t true, and even though I am quite good at managing it most times, I am autistic, (high functioning form of autism) and that is one of the few issues I struggle with the most. If you sense a roleplay is changing directions, please hint at it to me in the tags or something the reply before it does, since even that small little hint can be enough to help keep me from having to drop an RP. Even if you are unsure if it will or not, letting me know that you think it MIGHT possibly happen (since we don’t control our characters) is a huge help to me. This particular issue is the main reason that 95% of my dropped threads end up dropped. And I always feel terrible when it happens, so please help me to get better at this.

- I can be slow sometimes (or often) with asks or replies. This usually happens because of my muse being fickle or me thinking a meme or ask prompt would be fun, however sometimes when I actually get them, my muse decides to just be like NOPE, or my depression kicks up and I lose all motivation. Also sometimes I tend to forget things, or leave stuff in my askbox to reply to later, and then I forget about it or get distracted. If this happens, I apologize. Please try to be understanding of this, since I will NEVER ignore you or your asks on purpose. (The only case where it would be ignored is if it is something stated in my rules that I cannot respond to, that you obviously failed to read or are attempting to do anyway.) I do reblog things with the INTENT to answer EVERYTHING that shows up in my inbox, however my intentions don’t always pan out.

Next topic of discussion.

Concerning OCs and shipping with them:

- I WILL NOT ship my muses with other OCs, unless they are extremely well developed. This is simply because unless I personally can form some form of an an emotional connection/understanding to/of a character, my own muse will be unable to do so as well.

- I am also very picky with RPing with other OCs, because of the same reason stated above. I will however roleplay with them sometimes, and do not in any way dislike them. I rather love OCs, and the diversity and color they bring to fandoms, and I actually have lots of OCs of my own for different fandoms, I just cannot always connect to them, and in those cases, I will not be able to roleplay with them. I apologize. HOWEVER. If possible, I will happily do platonic RPs with OCs that my muses happen to click with.The types of characters/OCs I am usually unable to roleplay with, are the following, which includes a list of reasons why.

- ★ OCs that are not connected to any fandom in particular/Multifandom OCs. Basically as I like to call them, floaters or drifters. I may attempt to roleplay with these. It can still be iffy, because my brain can sometimes make stuff more difficult than it actually is or needs to be, and it depends on each particular OC, but as I have recently been developing a few fandomless OCs myself, I find my understanding of them has grown a bit. That said, sometimes I need to be able to connect them with something, as each fandom has a specific world to them. I need a consistent, solid world anchor to be able to understand the character, which drifters don’t have, so I can struggle to RP with them. I’m willing to try though! I believe this issue is connected to my being autistic, since certain things my brain just refuses to understand unless it is worded a certain way or done a certain way.

- OCs from fandoms I am unfamiliar with. If I don’t know what sort of world/background your character comes from, it leaves me guessing too much and confused. I have attempted to roleplay with them anyway in the past and it just doesn’t work.

- ★ Self insert OCs. Really. Please just no. I cannot stand self inserts above all else other than Shipper OCs. Admittedly, there are a rare few good ones out there. (And those are fine). However those tend to be very few and far between, and 98% of them tend to fall into the not so good category to put it nicely, and I just.. I can’t do it. There is nothing else to say to this except just NO. I apologize for this, however I just can’t. Also, this applies to FULLY self inserts. This does not apply to characters that simply share some traits with you, as often we roleplay a character because we can connect to them somehow.

- Canon Genderbends (there are exceptions sometimes with these). This subject is a touchy one, since my mind is very rigid unfortunately when it comes to how I view them. This might stem from my own personal gender struggle (as I am trans and FtM), however genderbends have always been something I have a lot of issues with, and so 98% of the time, I will not RP with them because I have to fight my mind to reply. Temporary genderswap M!A’s however, when handled properly, are no issue for me, and in such cases I will happily roleplay with them.

- OCs with very little backstory and information, or with a confusing one, or even with none at all. In essence, poorly made OCs. I need info to RP with you. At least seriously. So sorry. I need to be able to understand your character at least a little, since I don’t do good with “lets play a guessing game” or “I literally have no idea what I’m doing” or “what the hell is going on” sort of RPs, and I have never been good at them, and so I need clear, concise information on your character.

- Shipper OCs. The type of character I hate more than any other. If you made your OC just so you could ship with a bunch of people and that is the only purpose for their existence, do not even talk to me, or approach my character. Don’t even try. I literally cannot stand these types, and they fall right up there with my hatred of self inserts. So sorry. But just no. This doesn’t mean I ship shame if your muse happens to end up in lots of ships. That’s fine. It happens. I know the feeling when muses just click with lots of other muses. Sometimes it’s like that. But if their ONLY purpose for existing, is just so you can ship with endless characters, please go away right now.

- Canonically unknown family member OCs. Whether it’s a sibling for my character or for someone else’s that was never mentioned in canon, I just can’t. (If you want to RP a family member of my character that I have mentioned in my character’s info, please ask me beforehand as I usually have an idea already of what their family member is like, but usually I will be okay with that as long as you ask me first before just going ahead and doing it.) I’ve never been able to RP with them, for a multitude of reasons, one of the main being they often end up reminding me of self inserts or genderbends. I have been unsuccessful at breaking this way of thinking towards them despite attempting to many times, and so I just cannot do it, personally. I am sorry.

Those are all the ones I can think of right now. I am very sorry to anyone who has one of these and wants to RP with me, however I simply cannot do it, personally. I’m sure there are plenty of other people out there though who would love to RP with you even though I cannot, and just because I will not RP with you doesn’t mean I dislike you or your character. I’d be happy to still be friends with you, I just won’t be able to RP with you. I’m someone who needs to be able to connect to the character I am roleplaying with on at least SOME level, for my character to be able to connect to them as well, so if I am unable to do that then I am unable to roleplay with them. (This can include as well, the WAY someone roleplays, since if there is no emotion or thought or description in replies, it gives me nothing to go on and connect to, and leaves me unable to respond, even if I WANT to RP with you.)

★ I hate to have to do this, however I have had A LOT of trouble with people not reading and following my rules in the past, and or speaking about or talking about/not tagging my major trigger, so if you have read my rules, please inbox or IM me with “Catshark”.  I ask this of people because it also helps a lot with my anxiety, and keeps me from wondering and worrying in the back of my mind if I might actually get triggered by something. I know it can be tedious to do this extra step, and I hate that I even had to add this step in the first place, however after years of roleplaying, and dealing with people, it became necessary due to several bad past experiences in tumblr fandoms. It was not added on a whim, so please take the time to do so.

There may be more added to this later if I think of something. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[freshjuicywriterstuff]

Making Character Profiles - A Juicy Guide

Sometimes it’s best to keep a fact file about your characters so that you are always working on-model. This is a good idea if you’re going to be drawing your characters or having others draw them for you, but also as a writer. Nothing is more frustrating than realising you got something wrong about your own character in your prose or script piece! It’s especially important for those who work in visual mediums like film, comics or other sequential arts.

I’ve been making character fact files and profiles since I was old enough to write wish-fulfilling Ben 10 fan-fiction on scraps of lined paper. I’ve learned a lot over the years about how to put together the most cohesive files for long-term use, and I’m simply going to share a few tips and basics on how to improve and streamline your fact files! I hope this can be helpful for someone, in the very least - whether you’re creating a fan character purely as a creative exercise, or a major character for your latest project.

Under the cut is a fairly detailed explanation on a few vital things to keep in mind while recording information about your characters.

Firstly, tailor your profile to its purpose.

Are you making something visual or will it just be a text? If you’r going to be drawing or live-action casting your character it may be a good idea to include drawings. You’ll need to make sure you’ve got a thorough understanding of their visual look. This is important to include as reference - character profiles are most useful to yourself, so it makes sense to keep written and visual reference together just to streamline your work process.

Will your character be appearing a lot? You might not want to include a whole lot of information on a character who will only play a minor role. Of course, your main cast will need much more information recorded. It’s a good idea to keep the amount of recorded information in parallel with how much they will appear in your work. This can obviously be adjusted or changed according to the story but as a starting point it may help.

What is the nature of your fiction? If your fictional setting is particularly unique you will need to make sure all universe-related info is included. If you’re working with sci-fi or fantasy for example, there may be a particular faction they belong to or they may belong to a fictional race. Of course, if all your characters are human and from earth these are details that won’t be needed, but the nature of your fiction should play a hand in how much you include. If your story is centred around a war or conflict it may be necessary to note which side they’re on. If it’s closely focused on an emotional arc it might be important to include things like personality alignment and psychological hang-ups. Make sure you’re working to suit your genre or mood.

Question Your Tools

Depending on what kind of writer you are, you may construct your profiles very differently to someone else.

Whatever you find easiest and most efficient to use should be what you always use. Your chosen tools should serve you more than they serve anybody else. Use whatever type of word processor, notebook or writing utensils you prefer when it comes to recording information. Choose a font that you find comfortable to read - most people prefer rounded fonts like comic sans or typewriter fonts, as their eyes can process the characters a little bit faster. If writing by hand, be mindful of your handwriting so that you’re presenting the information in a way that reads very efficiently. For some, whether or not they use cursive can make a big difference based on whether or not they prefer to read cursive. You might even choose to write some things in all-caps or in different colours.

Even your writing utensil can make a difference - does your pen give bold, easy to read characters? Is your font the right size, digitally or on paper, to present the information effectively? Take some time to adjust your formatting so that your character profile will be easy on the eyes for you personally, and will serve as the kind of reference you are most comfortable with.

Ask yourself, is this necessary?

You’ll naturally start by writing out their name, age and other really simple information. Now it’s time to ask yourself what you actually need and what you don’t.

You wouldn’t want to over clutter your profile and make it difficult to refer to. It’s very important that your profile is easy to use as reference. Each time you’re including a statistic or feature ask yourself if it’s necessary. Do you need to include the character’s height to show clear differences when making visuals? Do you need to mention who their family is or will their family not appear in the story? Do you need to mention specifics about their physical appearance or will we not see their face?

Everything you include should be somehow necessary or functional. Whether this is just to aid the visual aspects or to enhance the story’s plot, ask yourself if it’s needed before you include it. Whether or not things are needed will vary based on what you’ll use the profile for, which is why this is the optimal step to take after defining purpose. You will need to create boundaries for yourself based on how much you think would be too much, and how much you actually need.

Precision and Concision.

Not only will you need to ask yourself what information to record, but also in how much detail.

Will you record measurements in metric or imperial? Will you need to include the character’s entire date of birth or just their age? Is there a more concise way to record the same information to make it easier to read and find?

It might be tempting to either rush through the profile and keep things relatively minimal, or to get very stuck in and fill in all fields in a lot of detail. However, both of these can limit the function of your profile. A very bare-bones profile might not contain enough and you may forget to include a detail that’s vital to the story. On the other hand, a profile that’s extremely detailed can become very lengthy and hard to navigate. Both of these problems could slow down your writing process as finding key traits of your character is harder.

It’s usually a good idea to include detail in some fields but not in others, and to write things in an easy to read note format. Including sub-headings in bold font, using lists and brackets, and even using coloured highlighting can help keep your character profile precise and to-the-point. Be mindful while constructing the profile, and trim down wordier phrases into things that are easy to quickly spot and utilise. Try to get as much information as you can into your profile in as few words as you are comfortable with using.

Serve your profile’s function efficiently by trying to store just the right amount of information and formatting it in whatever user-friendly way that you prefer. 

Put it somewhere that serves you.

Where you put your character profiles is an equally important thing to think about, because it will depend on your work flow.

Some artists prefer to keep accounts on sites like DeviantArt and ToyHouse, where they store and share information on their characters easily. This can be extremely useful for the creator who frequently collaborates - if you commission artworks and writing about your characters often it may be a good idea to create a page like this. You could even build yourself a website with a free hosting service, create an online document via something like google documents or create a password-protected tumblr page. This will depend on how private you want the information to be. Some sites, like World Anvil for example, exist specifically to store information on your fictional universe. This is recommended for those who will be building anything expansive.

If you’re working on your project especially privately, you might never need to use the internet to store these things. Maybe creating a folder on your computer to store all the image and/or text files will serve you nicely enough. Maybe a physical notebook will work for you, if you prefer analogue work over digital. This is a good idea if you are nervous about information being lost or stolen.

Make sure you are thoughtful in where you store your character information - maintaining your particular work flow can be vital for creatives depending on how motivation works for their particular brain.

For more informative posts, inspiration and ideas to help you improve as a writer, follow this blog! I post as often as I can and also take requests for specific advice. I am funded by your donations, so any support is appreciated!

[bdsowers]

The Hiring Process for GameDev Programming Jobs

I wrote a Twitter essay on the hiring process for getting a job as a programmer in gamedev, though it translates to general tech as well. Here is a transcription, but with animated gifs for flavor. Ready?

Part 1: The resume, cover letter, & subsequent HR screening. 

This is your first point of contact. Usually it involves someone looking at your material and determining whether there's a *chance* you fit their needs.

I think people over-inflate the level of control you have here. Either you're checking someone's boxes or you're not. Nobody gives af about your "objective statement" or whatever you want to call it. Detail what you did, be concise but informative, and keep the format coherent.

If you're new, a portfolio of your works is going to matter. A lot. Even for programmers. Some companies will also want to poke around your GitHub, so include that if you can.

Keep your expectations in check. The vast majority of submissions you send aren't going to get a response. Even if you're hella smart and covered in solid gold, prepare to be ignored.

Part 2: The tech test. 

These are take-home tests where the company asks you to solve some problems on your own. Sometimes they impose a time limit, sometimes not. Sometimes these are a lot of work, sometimes not.

Do the best you can. Research questions if the test allows. Be careful, be methodical, be thorough. Leave comments to show all your thinking, and show your work when it makes sense. Sometimes these can get a little mathy. "I don't know" is never an acceptable answer - try anyway.

Depending on the company, some won't consider you if you don't nail every single question here. Some will be more lenient and swing back with feedback or say "hey, you approached this question like this, but how could you improve it?"

Code quality is important here, too. Follow good conventions. Name your variables and functions clearly and informatively. Leave comments. ... Leave comments.  

Part 3: The phone screening. 

Usually this is a 30-60 minute conversation to determine if you are (1) halfway competent, and (2) can talk like a real human being. Sometimes you'll have 2-3 of these with various people.

Your best tools here are confidence, honesty, and communication. And knowing what you're talking about. That helps too.

As wishy-washy as it sounds, preparation is essential from here on. Brainstorm hypothetical questions. Research the company. Brush up on your past works. There's nothing more awkward than not having an answer for "why do you want to work here?" or "how did you do X?"

(Side note for the gamedev-specific folk: brush up on your linear algebra, memory management, and multithreading. Companies like those sorts of questions.)

People can fake resumes & tests. It's harder to fake on-the-spot questions from someone who knows what they're talking about. Don't even try. If you don't know something, the right answer is "I don't know, but here are my thoughts / here's how I would approach that problem..."

Also! Ask questions. Engage in the conversation. Remember how they're trying to determine if you can talk like a real human being? These are important.

Part 4: The on-site. 

Huzzah! The home stretch! Kinda. These are usually grueling affairs. Did I mention getting a job in tech is kinda a PITA? In essence, these are like the phone screening, but bigger and scarier.

On-sites vary pretty wildly between companies, but will often involve multiple 1-2 hour conversations with various people in the company. Usually they're focusing on 3 things: "personality", "past experiences", and "problem solving" components.

Personality: Again, they're trying to see if you're a good fit, which in most professional workspaces just means you're not a jackass to deal with and you act halfway excited about the work the company is doing. I can't teach you how to be friendly & personable, I'm not your dad.

Past Experience: Be able to talk about what you've worked on and in detail. Solved a challenging problem? They'll probably want to hear about it. You'd be amazed how many developers can't hack this. Even as a junior, you should have a body of work to discuss.

Problem Solving: This may involve a white board test, or it may just be a bunch of people shoving tech questions down your throat. Answer what you can, be communicative about what you can't. Talking through a problem is often more valuable than getting a problem "right".

Unlike the tech test, most companies don't expect you to ace all the problem solving questions. Often intentionally - they're trying to probe you to find where your knowledge ends.

It's important to not spiral if you feel like you're bombing. You may be doing just fine. Stay collected, and if you get flustered, slow down and take a moment or two to regain your balance. This also goes back to the personality testing.

And again. Ask questions throughout all of this. Make a little small talk. This is not a one-sided affair, and they want to hear from you.

Part 5: For godssakes, when does this end? 

Some companies will want multiple on-sites! Either to focus on different things, fill in some of the gaps they missed, or just because they're picky af.

Part 6: Huzzah! An offer! 

I'm not going to talk about this in detail, that's for another day, but the short version: don't sell yourself short. Ask for more than you think and prepare to negotiate a bit. Also go get a glass of champagne. Whether you take the job or not, by this point, you’ve earned it. 

Wrapup

Getting a job in tech is a long road that can easily take weeks for a single company and months for the job search as a whole. There are no magic bullets - you have to know what you’re talking about *and* be a well-rounded person. Like programming, you get better with experience (I absolutely bombed my first serious interview). It’s an endeavor, but you’re hella smart and cute and I’m sure you’ll do fine.

Good luck!

[accio-ambition]

No Good Deed (9/15)

Summary: Killian Jones is a gentleman. He and his brother pride themselves on the matter, even if it ends with harm to them. So when an angry ex of Killian’s client bites him, he tends to the wound, watches it heal, and thinks no more of it.Until he wakes up in a closet on his ship with no memory of what happened the night of the full moon.

Fleeing from the unknown, the brothers Jones find Storybrooke, and with it, Emma Swan, who is a lot more familiar with their situation than anyone could expect. And when an old foe comes to their new home, Killian has to rely on new talents to keep those he loves safe.

Rating: M for language, violence, some sexual content. (better safe than sorry)

Content warnings: violence

happy Thanksgiving food coma to all my American friends and happy Friday to everyone in the rest of the world! Who wants to feel some thing?!

I’m especially grateful and thankful for @killiarious, @wellhellotragic, and the mods at @captainswanbigbang for all of their hard work and dedication. mwah!

AO3

Chapter Nine

He doesn’t say anything: he doesn’t wake Emma up to tell her how important she is to him. He doesn’t mention it when they wake the next morning, nor as they drive back home or when they sit down to eat. Killian doesn’t know when to tell her, or even if he should. Now knowing about her last attempt at love, and knowing that it had resulted in her wolf condition and the multitude of other, unseen scars he’s sure she bears, he fears that any hint of this overwhelming emotional connection would cause her to run. Not only would that break Killian’s heart, but they’ve bonded on such a deep level. They’re in each other’s head quite literally. They depend on each other during the full moon. They’re family.

Fate, as it goes though, doesn’t allow Killian much time to ponder the matter. He’d always thought fate was something of a personal matter, shared only between the two parties of it and himself. But it seems that word got out: Killian Jones loves Emma Swan. And, as it tends to do, fate speeds events up.

At home, Killian and Emma spend all of their time in the happy little relationship bubble, whether they considered themselves a couple or not.

(Killian does, for the record. Emma might be more hesitant to do so, but her spending many more nights in his bed than her own, it’s a bit difficult to say their not a couple at all.)

It sickens Liam, a fact he has no issue in voicing and a matter which they enjoy teasing him over.

“Are you serious?” He asks indignantly, walking in to the living room to find the two of them curled up together on the couch. They’re spread out, huddled beneath a blanket, watching some silly Hallmark movie.

“What’s the matter, Liam?” Emma inquires, fully aware of the reason. “It’s cold tonight. Want to join?” She lifts up the edge of the blanket behind her in invitation.

Huffing, Liam storms back in to the kitchen. Killian can hear the fridge open and shut, the clink of a beer bottle. His brother comes back in and thumps down on the armchair beside the couch. “As a reminder, little brother, I’ve spent so much time at Elsa’s because I didn’t want to disgust you such as you are currently disgusting me.”

Emma giggles into his shoulder. Killian shrugs. “Well, Swan here hasn’t got a place of her own and she pays her part of the rent in a timely manner every month,” he says. “She can do whatever she wants here.”

“Within reason,” Liam groans. He takes another sip of beer before shaking his head and repeating himself. “Within bloody reason.”

But outside in reality, where Emma still runs the sheriff’s department with an iron fist and Killian monitors Storybrooke’s marina with an eagle eye, there’s something...odd in the air. Though he can’t put a finger on anything specific, Killian has found himself feeling paranoid a lot more often. His hackles come up like the hairs on people’s arms or the backs of their necks raise when they feel someone watching them. He’s constantly looking over his shoulder, catching a familiar scent on the wind that he can’t quite recognize. The breeze either picks it up too quickly or his mind is diverted to a visiting captain or the ring of a phone, and when Killian tries to focus on the scent again, it’s gone.

Emma doesn’t think anything of it when he asks her about it. The smell’s showed up daily for a week, putting him on a dangerous precipice. Though she can’t detect it, Emma can feel his anxiety through their bond.

(At least, he thinks, it’s distracting her from the overwhelming sense of adoration and love he feels in other moments, like when she winks at his from across the dinner table. Otherwise, he wouldn’t know quite what to do with himself.)

It’s too late, or too early, for him to be staring sleeplessly up at the ceiling one night. He’s got a slew of boy scouts visiting the harbor tomorrow, he needs his rest to deal with them civilly, but unconsciousness alludes him. He’s wracking his brain from where he might know that mysterious scent from.

“Killian, you’re scaring me,” she mumbles into his chest. Killian chuckles; he should’ve known Emma was awake just as he was.

“I’m sorry, love,” he murmurs back. Pressing his lips to her hair, he adds, “I just can’t shake the feeling.” A small shiver runs down her spine and she burrows closer to him. “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you from whatever may come.”

She glances up at him. “Even if it’s just your overactive imagination?” She asks.

“Even if,” he assures her. Even in her exhausted state, Emma pushes up on her elbow to kiss him. As she settles back against his chest, Killian says, a bit insulted, “I thought you happened to like my overactive imagination.”

Shrugging, Emma smiles against his skin. “On occasion.” He retaliates by pressing at her side, making her laugh and squirm. “Stop, stop it, we have to sleep. We’ve got work tomorrow.”

“And we have a functioning coffee maker,” he reasons, lifting the blanket from her body and covering it back up with his. “We can sleep when we’re dead.”

“Yeah, but we’re not dead yet.” She pokes at his chest. “Work is still going to expect us to be there and being productive whether we sleep tonight or not.”

Killian groans. She’s right, but she makes his blood sing and he wants to make sure that nothing would ever happen to her. He isn’t quite sure he could survive that. Conceding, Killian wraps an arm around Emma and pulls her close. Her breathing evens out shortly afterwards, and Killian is out for the count without another thought.

The next morning, grumbling as he makes his way down to his office building, Killian shivers and pulls his jacket closer to his body. It's cold, it's dark, and being anywhere but next to Emma in bed is not ideal. But he’s got the Boy Scouts to prepare for and he forgot his phone on his desk, and, as his love so aptly reminded him at dinner the night before, he's expecting an early morning call from a cruise company interested in starting day trips to and from Storybrooke and Portland.

(For what reason the entire marine world starts before sunrise, he'll never know.)

So here he is, in one of the last places he'd ever want to be at this hour, struggling with numb fingers to unlock the door to his office. He drops his keys and groans, because that's just how this morning is going.

And then he senses it: something in the air, a slight tinge to the scent that he wouldn't have noticed save for the fact that it's so out of place here in Storybrooke. It smells like - Killian sniffs and squints, trying to place the smell, because it's impossible.

It smells like the Hudson River.

He's certain of it. He wasn't around that water for too long once his senses heightened, but even a human nose could pick up the unusual hint of brackish water and sewage that makes the Hudson from all the rest of bodies of the water. There's nothing even close to that smell in this town.

But that doesn't make sense.

Quickly, Killian sniffs again and spins around, following the trail. It's coming from down the road, the source not too far. Looking off in the distance, he spots the faint outline of a shadow. It's shorter than the average man and seems to have what looks like three legs. He's sure that has to be the source, but how could a single person have that much of the scent of the Hudson so far away from the river itself?

His footsteps curious, he makes his way toward the figure. When a storefront alone separates them, the figure begins to move: he turns and starts jogging away, the ends of its hair flipping this way and that.

It's been quite a while, he'll admit, but as soon as it clicks, Killian calls on his wolf speed and runs until his chest hurts and his lungs threaten to explode.

It's Milah's husband. Mr. Gold. It has to be. A wolf's hide would keep stench longer than human skin and it would linger. That, combined with the stature and the appearance to him alone...there isn't even another possible answer. It's him.

The floodgates open and anger floods Killian's veins. This is the man who changed his life, who tore him away from the only real home he'd had in New York.

And as sudden as it comes, the madness leaves. If he hadn't left New York, Killian would've never met Emma. He would've never known what true love is. His footsteps begin to slow, his breath becoming less labored. In a certain light, Killian has this man to thank for the life he has now, even with the transformation.

But if Gold's here, something is amiss. This monster hasn't shown his face in months, nearly a year. And now that Emma is such a prominent figure in his life, it can't be good.

He feels the scent all around him, seeping into his pores and washing over him like nausea. No matter how hard he tries, now that he’s identified the scent, it follows him everywhere. Regardless of how many showers he takes or what delicious food surrounds him, Killian can still catch a whiff of Gold.

It scares him, though he doesn’t say so. He’s sure Emma can tell something is wrong even if he does his best to hide it - she’s bonded to him. If she can’t tell how frightened he is, then something would be very wrong.

Although it seems that it is.

Shortly after Gold’s appearance in town, the full moon once again appears. The two of them drive out to the old highway, sitting at the tree line until transformation overtakes them. Killian’s muscles start their monthly stretch, welcomed more than in his earlier transformations, and before he knows it, his eyesight is better, he can hear a rabbit a couple yards away, and the wolf within isn’t hiding anymore.

He turns around, ready to run after the woodland creatures with Emma, to find her still a human. Her eyes are wide in surprise, or maybe shock. To be fair, he’s never seen another wolf transform. Perhaps, neither has she. Killian cocks his head to the side, asking her if there was a problem.

She shrugs. “Give it a few minutes,” she says aloud. “Maybe I’m too tense or something. I need to relax.” Closing her eyes, Emma opens her palms and stands there, basking in the moonlight.

Five minutes pass. Ten. A full quarter hour goes by, Emma still in her peaceful stance and Killian itching to run. With a sigh, she opens her eyes. Her shoulders droop and she looks forlornly out into the woods. He can feel her desire to run, to get out there and stretch her muscles, through the bond. Approaching her, he nuzzles her hip, getting her to focus on him instead of her sadness.

“Don’t worry about me,” she says on another sigh. “Go ahead. Catch something for me.” Emma gestures to the truck. “I’m going to go home and sleep. I’ll come back in the morning to pick you up. Sound good?”

Killian whimpers in reluctant agreement. He watches her circle the front of the cab, get in, and start the engine. With a final wave, Emma turns back to town, the truck’s headlights leading the way through the dark. He watches until those lights disappear before trotting into the woods alone.

Emma’s inability to transform plagues his thoughts as he hunts rabbit and squirrel. When the sun crests the horizon, Killian makes his way back to the old highway spot, still troubled. True to her word, Emma sits in the driver’s seat, shadows dark beneath her eyes as she stares blankly forward. Silently, he gets in the passenger's side, gratefully taking the blanket and cup of coffee she offers him.

A pin could drop during the car ride home and it would echo for ages. Emma continues to stare out the windshield. She seems to be on autopilot: clicking the turn signal, checking her blindspot, and so on. Life only returns to her expression when they pull up to the house and she shuts the engine off. She takes the keys from the ignition and then sits, hands folded in her lap.

“I’ve never not changed before,” she says quietly. Staring at her clasped hands, Emma’s face goes vacant again. She bites at her bottom lip.

He hates to see her like this. Hasn’t really ever seen her this, to be frank, though he can safely say that it’s not an emotion he wants to see frequently decorate her face. Reaching a hand over, Killian grasps her hands.

“Is there any chance you’ve somehow been cured?” he asks just as softly. He’s not sure how that could have happened, but it’s the only reason he can think as to why Swan wouldn’t have transformed with him this month.

She shrugs, intertwining her fingers with his. “I haven’t done anything you haven’t done.” She sighs, rubbing at his knuckles in calming circles. Her shoulders deflate as Emma looks at him finally. “Is it bad if I admit that I don’t want to be cured? I like being able to run wild. Especially with you,” she says. “And now it’s just part of who I am.”

Killian chuckles for a moment. “No, that’s not bad at all,” he assures her. He brings her hand to his lips. “I love you no matter what you are or aren’t.”

A small grin appears on her face - a little pained, very much concerned, but Killian doesn’t let it phase him. He tugs on her hand a bit harder, forcing her over the console so he can kiss her properly, do his best to assuage her of her worries. When Emma pulls back, breathless, her smile has transformed into one of genuine pleasure. She unlocks the door and starts up toward the house, Killian a handful of steps behind her. As she fumbles with her keys, he comes up and rests a hand on the small of her back.

“Maybe you’re coming down with the flu or something?” he suggest as the front door swings open. “Have you ever been ill at the same time as the full moon?”

Emma considers his words, her tongue peeking out from between her lips. She sets her keys down on the hall table and makes her way into the kitchen. “Not that I can remember,” she responds, lost in her own world. She shrugs and reaches for the coffee machine. “You’re probably right. I have been a little nauseous lately. It’s probably just a stomach bug.”

Killian hums in confirmation as he pulls out two mugs.

But the full moon comes along the next month, and Killian once again transforms while Emma remains sitting beside the side of the truck bed. Her expression elongates into one of worry and sadness when she realizes she still has two legs while he’s loping along on four. Killian nuzzles up against her neck, pushing her gently and licking her cheek.

“I don’t know what’s going on,” she admits quietly, scratching the fur of his neck. “Go ahead. Have fun. I’ll be here in the morning.”

Again, he has to watch her slowly and morosely pile into the truck and drive back home with a solemn wave. When he comes to, paws turned back to hands, the next morning and makes his way back to the old highway, she’s once again sitting there. The truck’s engine is still running and, when he gets in the cab, Emma offers him a cup of coffee.

“How was it?” she asks, throwing the gear shift into reverse.

“Would’ve been better with you,” he says into the cup. He sips at his coffee and relishes in the warmth that spreads through his body. “How are you feeling?”

Emma shrugs. “Alright.”

“You’re not still sick, are you?”

“I mean,” she hesitates, checking each direction before turning on to the main road, “I kind of have a headache.” She sighs. “And I haven’t gotten my period yet. Maybe the two weeks are convincing this month.”

A groan comes unbidden from his lips. He can feel Emma’s glare even with his eyes closed. “Dear go above, help us all.”

As expected, and completely fairly, Emma smacks him in the chest. “Don’t be an ass,” she chides him. “If you’re an ass about this, I’m withholding sex for the foreseeable future.”

Taking her hand where it still rests on his chest, Killian holds it up. He presses a kiss to her palm with a smile. “Perish the thought, love,” he says.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” she says with a chuckle. “Works every time.”

“You make me sound predictable.”

Scoffing, Emma takes her hand back and glances quickly at him. “You, a warm-blooded man, predictable about sex?” She teases him. “Yes, you are predictable.”

“I’ll have to change that then.” At that moment, Emma pulls up their drive and puts the car in park. Killian surprises her, leaning over the center console and kissing her breathless, for all his worth. Pleasure spreads through the bond, the feeling moving swiftly in both directions as Emma meets him push for pull.

And then the disgust sours the connection.

“Ugh,” Emma grunts, shoving him back into his seat.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

She wipes her mouth, a distasteful look on her face. “You taste like outside.” Then she sniffs and her nose crinkles further. “And you smell like wet dog.”

Killian laughs, unbuckling his seatbelt. “Well, there are very logical reasons to both of those quandaries.”

“Yeah, well, until you solve those quandaries and shower, you need to stay away from me.” She sticks out her tongue in disgust again before exiting the car. “And get out of the car before you stink it up!”

His next transformation is one of the most unnerving yet. He misses the woods, but it’s the third month in a row that Emma’s not transformed. To say he’s worried, concerned, terrified, would be an understatement. All of his primal instincts intensify during the full moon, but none more so than his need and desire to protect his pack, his Swan.

So instead of running through the damp leaves and dodging the thick trunks of Storybrooke’s trees, Killian’s curled up in wolf form on their bed, his muzzle resting in Emma’s lap. She’s stroking his head, scratching behind his ears while he tries not to show how much he enjoys her ministrations.

“It’s okay to give in,” she murmurs, eyes unseeing as she stares at the wall. His ears cock down, his brow bone doing the same in confusion. Emma chuckles. “You’re so mellow and content through the bond, I know you like it. It’s okay to show it. I’m not going to judge you.”

A sound akin to a groan rips from his throat and Killian settles heavier on to her lap, letting his tail wag and his tongue loll out for a moment.

He’s so happy that it takes him longer than it should to realize something was off about his Swan. Pulling his tongue back behind his teeth, he presses his nose into her stomach, sniffing in earnest as Emma continues to pet him. His tail slows down.

“What’s up?” she asks, relaxing further back into the pillows behind her.

“Are you quite sure you’re not sick, Swan?” he asks her through their bond, an alarm going off in his head. He could bathe in Emma’s scent: it’s comforting and familiar, hints of cinnamon she’s fond of and wildflowers reminiscent of sunshine in addition to the musk of the woods around town adn the salt of the ocean. He knows that, as a pack, they share the last two notes, something he believes represents the best of their worlds splendidly.

But now, “Your scent is off,” he explains.

That gets her to focus, Emma humming in confusion. “How so?” She asks.

“There’s something,” he sniffs again, “fresh about it. Something new.” He pushes aside the hem of her pajama top and digs his nose further into her stomach, forcing a soft “oomph” from Emma. Killian’s surprised to sense a tinge of scent he associates with the Hudson River, like the dirt in the water he fell in after first transforming. caught off guard, Killian pulls back. His Swan’s never smelled like that before. “You kind of smell like me,” he says.

“That’s not surprising.” As best he can, Killian furrows his wolf brows. Emma nudges him off her lap and flips to face him on her side, grin growing on her lips. They both know and realize their scents linger on each other, are a fundamental part of the other’s, but Killian’s never smelt it this strong on her before. He hasn’t the slightest idea why, or what she means.

Her hand curls around her face, her fingers scratching through his fur. His eyes slide close, a sound echoing deep from his throat. She giggles. “I think that’s part of why I haven’t changed,” she murmurs.

His ears perk up, eyes shooting open. “You’ve figured it out?” Killian asks, straightening up. “How come you haven’t told me?”

Emma shrugs. “I wasn’t sure. But I got some pretty damning evidence earlier today.”

As if his attention wasn’t already piqued, Killian nudges her hand a little harder than necessary. “What?” he asks. “Love, what’s wrong?”

Licking her lips, his Swan smiles “I’m pregnant,” she whispers, a secret between the two of them. “I’m, like, 97 percent sure I’m pregnant.”

The news hits him like a ton of bricks. His response of “How?” comes out more as a reflex than as an actual question. She shoots him an incredulous look and he immediately regrets the word, lightly barking out a scoff. They live together, they run as wolves together - they haven’t been celibate, to say the least. He shakes his head, ruffling the scruff at his neck. “What I mean to ask is how did you come to that conclusion?” he rewords.

Chuckling, Emma pulls at the velvety softness of his ear. “I’ve been so focused on trying to figure out why I didn’t change that I sort of missed my other, more annoying monthly visitor,” she explains quietly. She shrugs again. “I took a test a test yesterday and another one this morning and they both came up positive.”

“A test?”

Rolling her eyes, she teases him, “Yes, a test. I know you’ve watched TV before. I know you know exactly what I’m talking about.” But her mouth hangs open a moment too long and Killian cocks his head to the side. Her cheeks redden and she looks away from him. “I mean, it might have been a couple more than a both times.”

Hesitantly, Killian asks, “How many more?”

She shrugs. “Maybe a half dozen more?” she admits shyly, one eye squinting close and her nose scrunching up adorably. At another look from him, she sighs. “Think about it, Killian. Have you ever heard of a pregnant werewolf? It might just be like my period - it comes back after the baby’s born.” Her hand drags down the side of his neck, her nails calming against his skin. Slowly, she moves from his neck to rest on her belly. His current vantage point doesn’t belie the apparent child within it. “Besides, you said it yourself. My scent’s already changing.”

Still processing this new development, Killian nudges Emma’s shoulder, making her giggle as she falls on to her back once more. Her laughter becomes full fledged as he nuzzles his nose into her stomach. The mixed scent that emanates from there does seem stronger.

Perhaps Swan is right.

“You’re okay with this, right?” she asks, drawing his attention back to her face. Given the past few minutes, it’s surprisingly neutral, though when Killian looks deeper into her green eyes, he spots fear. Concern. Uncertainty. She shakes her head. “I mean, there’s no backing out of it for me now, I’ve got to deal with it somehow, but, I mean, if you want-”

Were he human at the moment, Killian would have kissed her to stop her worrying. It’s got to be the happiest news he’s heard in his life, second maybe only to his 18th birthday, when he finally came to live with Liam permanently.

No, this was definitely better.

Alas, it was the full moon, and he was in wolf form while Emma was a human, and would stay so for at least the next handful of months. Still, he tries to express the feelings of...euphoria he feels through their bond, lovingly pawing at her arms. She smiles wildly, and he can only hope that she understands just how happy he is right now.

“I’m here for the long haul,” he promises her. “I’ll protect you from everything and anything. I’ll protect the both of you.” He licks the back of her hand, his tail thumping harshly against their bedsheets. An interesting thought pops into his head, his tail coming to a sudden halt. “How can I still talk to you when I’m like this and you’re not?” he asks.

“It is still the full moon,” Emma reminds him, tapping him on the snout. “I guess some things stick, pregnancy or not.”

With a sigh, Swan pushes him off her lap and eases herself from sitting to standing. Killian whimpers at the loss, but also in concern for her. Knowing of her delicate condition as he now does, he can only imagine exertion and swift movements weren’t the best for her. The emotions must bleed through their bond, for Emma chuckles. She leans far enough on the mattress to scratch behind his ears. Unwillingly, Killian’s eyes close and a silly little smile comes across his lips.

(Gods above, he loves her.)

“I’ll be back,” she tells him quietly. “I just really want some Pringles.”

And with a kiss to the tip of his nose, Emma leaves their room. He can hear her footfalls as she makes her way down the hall and descends the stairs. Killian stands on the bed, circling around before settling on the mattress, head hanging heavily off the edge. As he hears the cabinet doors open and close in the kitchen, he stares out into the dark hallway.

A child. They’re having a child. And while that news makes him over the moon, it comes with its own problems and issues to worry over. Neither of them have much experience with children in any capacity, let alone the child of two werewolves. Already, things he wouldn’t have expected we’re happening: Killian would’ve never imagined a transformation without Emma. Now, he looked forward to the next few full moons solo.

But afterwards - would Emma be able to transform after the baby was born? Would the babe itself be born with their affliction?

Oh god, he thinks, adjusting himself so his tail was tucked beneath him. Raising a child was difficult enough. But raising a child who changed with every full moon.

“I could hear you thinking downstairs.” Swan’s voice makes him jump, his hackles rising. He’d been in such a tizzy that he’d failed to hear her come back to bed, red tube of chips in hand. She chuckles through a mouth full of chips. Before sitting back down in bed, Emma narrows her eyes at him. “Are you going to be like this the whole time?”

Cocking his head and his brow, Killian asks, “Like what?”

She sighs, pulling back the covers. “If you’re going to be like this for the rest of the pregnancy, I’m kicking you out.”

Killian barks a scoff, watching her as she goes about getting comfortable and ready for sleep. She’s singlehandedly messes with the sheets, pulling their quilt down to the foot of the bed with one while the other is stuck in the Pringles can. “You can’t kick me out,” he says. “I pay rent here. I lived here first.”

She flops back with a groan, the top sheet floating down on top of her as her head sinks into the pillow. “I’ll make Liam kick you out,” she threatens, though her words hold no malice.

Once she’s mostly still - his Swan has never really been a sedentary sort of woman - Killian curls up next to her, his jaw resting atop her hand. “That’s unfair, love,” he complains. “I’m allowed to worry for your well-being, especially in your current condition.”

Emma’s hand flips over beneath his jaw. Her fingers curl up under him, scratching at the fur of his chin. Killian sighs in content through his nose, his exhale strong enough to ruffles the hem of her shirt.

“Everything is going to be fine,” she reassures him softly. “You said you’d protect us, and I trust you.”

“But what about-”

“Killian.” Her voice is stern. It’s in the quiet that follows Killian offhandedly thinks. These conversations are interesting: Emma speaks aloud and hears his response in her mind, but somehow, all of their idiosyncrasies come through the bond. Hidden emotions and discussions carry on between the two of them regardless of their form. She breathes in deeply, her pulse slowing in her wrist and her chest expanding. “I’m scared too. I haven’t been this scared in a very long time,” she admits, a waver in her voice. Fear in the bond betrays her attempt to cover it in her vocal cords. “Everyone I love leaves me. I’m afraid that I’ll lose the baby or you’ll come to your senses.” She gently squeezes his jawbone.

He licks her wrist, a sign of support and solidarity. “Nothing can keep me away from you,” he promises. “I love you, love.” Then he moves to rest lightly on her stomach, hearing the gurgling and flow of her bloodstream. “And you, little pup.”

She chuckles to herself, her hand resting on his head. “There we go,” she says. “I can deal with you if you’re like this for the next couple of months.”

“Oh, good, I may stay in my own home?” he jests.

Emma nods. “You can stay.”

[douchebagbrainwaves]

YOU GUYS I JUST THOUGHT OF THIS

For less demanding problems, the availability of libraries can outweigh the intrinsic power of the language. Startup investors know that every investment is a bet, and against pretty long odds. I fly over the Valley: somehow you can sense something is going on. But pausing first to convince yourself will do more than save you from wasting your time. There are many advantages of launching quickly, but the difficulty of coming up with new ideas. They're saying He invested in Google.1 There are a handful of angels who'd be interested in a company with a high probability of being moderately successful.2

We usually advise startups to pick an optimal round size in advance, because that depends on the application. Is unconscious.3 You have to be a big deal, and Microsoft both executed well and got lucky. And the only real test, if you were to compete with the whole world. And anyone who has tried optimizing code knows how wonderfully effective that sort of environment is to join one and climb to the top.4 The intersection is the sweet spot for startups. If you look at a list of all the parts, as ITA presumably does, you can get in Java: public interface Inttoint public int call int i s s i; return s;; This falls short of the spec because it only works on the newest phones, that's probably a big enough beachhead. It doesn't sound obviously mistaken. The problem is not finding startups, exactly, but finding a stream of reasonably high quality ones.5

Wufoo seem to have a stateless algorithm. If you do that? One reason is that you may not get any reward in the forseeable future. It's that death is the default for startups, and in particular the most successful founders tend to work on them, and why startups do things that ordinary companies don't, like raising money and getting acquired. If your terms force startups to do things that make you stupid, and if not it doesn't matter whether you fund them, because with our help they could make money. They really seemed to believe this, and it will save you if anything can. And you know, when it comes to avoiding errands. Wealth When I was in grad school, one of their fellow students was on the receiving end of a question from their faculty advisor that we still quote today. To anyone who knows Mark Zuckerberg that is the reductio ad absurdum of the initial idea is the meta-fact that these are hard to solve, and the noise stops.

Nothing will teach you about angel investing like experience.6 Restrictiveness I think most hackers know what it means for a language to feel restrictive.7 Most investors decide in the first stage of a startup's life, when you have a thesis about what everyone else in it is overlooking. Most intellectual dishonesty is unintentional. I'm not proposing this is a serious idea. It's even the answer to questions that seem unrelated, like how to convince investors. In Lisp, functions are a data type just like integers or strings.8

But as long as they still have to show up for work every day, they care more about what they do at home. What it means, roughly, is don't do anything weird.9 And if you weren't rich, you took the omnibus or walked.10 That sounds like a joke, but it seems to be c, that people will pay them for. I've read that Java has just overtaken Cobol as the most popular language.11 Whereas a two year old company raising a series A round from Sequoia.12 Good hackers can always get some kind of job. And it is a tradeoff that you'd want to make. 3% of your net worth. Countries worried about their competitiveness are right to be concerned about the number of elements, where an element is anything that would be the ones to look to for new ideas: Forth, Joy, Icon.

I suppose that's bound to yield an alarming book. All the unfun kinds of wealth creation slow dramatically in a society that confiscates private fortunes. Notice I've been careful to talk about their previous startup idea while they were working at their day jobs.13 Are there walkable neighborhoods? Lisp. It would hurt YC's brand at least among the innumerate if we invested in huge numbers of risky startups that flamed out.14 I know the afternoon is going to invest. Or don't take any extra classes, and just build things. Along with good tools, hackers want interesting projects.15 If they can realize before other investors that some apparently unpromising startup isn't, they can make a difference.16

Notes

Which means if the company than you meant to. In a series A termsheet with a toothbrush. Some want to lead.

Similarly, don't destroy the startup is rare. A knowledge of human anatomy. His critical invention was a kid, this is not merely blurry versions of great things were created mainly to make software incompatible.

I didn't realize it till I started using it, there were no strong central governments. Once the playing field is leveler politically, we'll see economic inequality is a list of where to see the apples, they tend to notice them. CEOs were J. Founders are often compared to what you write has a word meaning how one feels when that partner re-tells it to steal a few months later Google paid 1.

A investor has a sharp drop in utility. But he got there by another path.

And while they think are bad: Webpig, Webdog, Webfat, Webzit, Webfug. There's a sort of love is as blind as the web have sucked—9. Even in English, our contact at Sequoia, was no more than make them want you.

Incidentally, the effort that would appeal to investors.

Enterprise software.

We're delighted to have moments of adversity before they ultimately choose not to make you expend as much the effect of this essay, but its inspiration; the critical path that they create rather than insufficient effort to make money, then work on Wall Street were in 2000, because for times over a hundred years or so, even in their heads a giant house of cards is tottering. So it is probably no accident that the applicant pool gets partitioned by quality rather than making the things you're taught.

Even Samuel Johnson seems to have been a time. IBM.

Our founder meant a photograph of a more general rule: focus on their ability but women based on revenues of 1. Managers are presumably wondering, how much effort on sales. When the Air Hits Your Brain, neurosurgeon Frank Vertosick recounts a conversation reaches a certain field, it's probably a real poet.

Kant. In this context, issues basically means things we're going to have to give you term sheets.

All you have a standard piece of casuistry for this essay, I have so far. As a friend with small children, or want tenure, avoid the topic. I'm compressing the story a bit more complicated, because sometimes artists unconsciously use tricks by imitating art that does.

That may require asking, because she liked the outdoors? Imagine the reaction might be a founder, more people you can skip the first version would offend.

Pliny Hist.

Different people win at that game. Unfortunately these times are a handful of VCs even have positive returns. None at all. It does at least should make the fund by succeeding spectacularly.

In fact since 2 1. Learning for Text Categorization. The first version was mostly Lisp, because time seems to be doctors? We care about.

[lake14willadsen-blog]

Running.

Cabbage is actually a hearty, dark-green leafy vegetbale that, until just recently, had not been considered an one thing fir for human beings to eat. If you're going the minimal shoe route, start by using them for brief periods around your house and also for only quick runs till you see how your body responds to the change. Body system numbering and also decrease bag set up were both exciting rituals, considerably in due to 5,000+ volunteers that present as a lot enthusiasm for this occasion as the racers. Additionally, those distance runners who have actually mastered the' 100-Up' can easily additionally add this mechanism to that practice: pulling the foot and also leg beneath the body system with the easy jump switch. And I found that, specifically for on my own, the much older I acquire and the additional years I've been running for, you learn more about your body better as well as you're bit even more harmonic with your body system as well as those little bit of niggles that you obtain. The very first essential idea to understand is actually that photo voltaic as well as wind power may never substitute greater than 20 percent of the globe's overall power necessities because they are not reliable resources for any type of offered hr of the time. As a 43 year old, quite stringent desk jockey I deal with keeping my body tough for longer jogs. While carbo-loading" might seem like the best method to prep your physical body for competition time, whether to carbo-load depend upon a variety of elements: featuring what activity your race includes, your diet before the activity, and how much attempt you are going to use up on race time. Just before running with First Stamina, I only utilized gels on tromp 2hrs as well as at that point one 100 calorie gel each hr on long terms, given that I was (am) low-cost and my body might perform that. My body picture nose-dived, and I found myself progressively resorting to meals to numbed how I miserable and unhappy I thought. Integrate exercise along with other points, like spending time with friends or family or even driving to function. Relating to barefoot or minimalism must be actually sluggish, modern to make it possible for the physical body in order to get comfortable. At the early help stations, joggers clamor for Gatorade or Hammer Gels, a syrup-like electricity gel. On long ultra's/ problems, you could quickly become tired of the flavor of a particular food or even beverage, yet over 2 days I never experienced that way along with sour & delicious Mango ... as well as I've acquired in this way bunches with various other desserts, jaffa birthday cakes or energy beverages (which mainly make an effort and also stay away from right now). I locate that when I eat excessive PBJ at one time I get slow-moving until I totally digest that and after that that offers me a great zing from electricity. His physical body is his laboratory, and also his excitement and also sound judgment turn him in to an impressive teacher. Your breathing would be out of rhythm and your muscles would be denied from the frequent or even air source necessary for cardiovascular energy creation. We began at the Fish Breeding ground in Brevard and also treked simply approximately 2 miles to our very first camping site. I could track the majority of my running relevant traumas to significant spikes in intensity everyday, week to full week, month to month that were actually abnormalities when examining the entire full week, month or year specifically, where as when I have actually moderated both the highs and lows (much shorter long runs as well as longer quick and easy runs in the every week and much more steady weekly gas mileage in the exact same as well as month-to-month for annually in regular monthly usage), yet been extremely steady along with the stimulation, my body reacts in a a lot more expected method. This possibly additionally helps that healthy-lookin males are most likely to produce well-balanced little ones, which in itself makes a mother safer as the youngsters age as well as can easily assist. Supporters from Asics road footwears will be desired that the fit from the Fuji Racer maintains that sensation of a tight heel that expands into an accommodating ball ofthe foot. These ones are my casual" jeans, and these ones are just how I spruce up now, because I wear them out with shoes rather than to sweaty physical fitness points. And that's going to come from fantastic sporting activities medication that's mosting likely to arise from fantastic physio as well as simply basic expertise concerning how you can keep the physical body. The greatest analogy I could think of is this: if you have actually trained your body effectively with the right mix from cardio degree instruction and some up beat things in the full weeks preceeding your occasion, you have actually constructed your efficient combination motor ready to race the marathon. So http://sanatoasa-metamorfoza.info/prostect-dieta-picaturi-prezentare-generala-2019/ hope the misanthropes and also the judgers don't produce any sort of comments right here, as well as make use of everything additional electricity to earn one thing scrumptious for Thanksgiving holiday. When you possess a notion as well as your body responds quickly, the component from ether is at work, guided by your thoughts to move your body system. This summer months I went on a physical and psychological trip as well as have actually learned to accept my physical body especially. She went for that speed consistently, as well as over the course of the next many full weeks, that pace progressively raised as she ended up being more dependable and also in good condition. Likewise, individuals don't understand that the interpretation of disordered consuming is actually a mis-match between cost and also consumption and there is a great pipes between disordered eating and consuming ailments among sportsmens in terms of the physiologic impact. There is wasted power as well as possibly unnecessary stress on the physical body if there are parts of your body relocating coming from edge to side. For instance, I have discovered cardio threshold surge paces to be a remarkable exercise in organizing a marathon, particularly due to the psychological durability as well as capacity to keep in the moment it educates. Improving your core stamina and also enhancing your cardio/aerobic conditioning to ready your physical body for improving velocity or range. This sensory input promptly informs the remainder of the body system effective ways to move effectively with lightweight steps, a high lower leg tempo, a relaxed but consistent upper arm swing, an upright pose as well as a minor onward lean from the ankles. In reality, the appreciation from the guys may be much more vital in comparison to the effectiveness from the purpose on its own.

[pomrania]

Mindflayer discussion

Below the cut is the transcription of a Discord conversation between @eyeloch, @absolxguardian, and me (Jan). I think we came up with some pretty good ideas about Underdark society and economy, although most of it was accidentally turning illithids into a combination of something like the Matrix, and vegans. I might take the ideas and make it into a neat post, later on, or I might not.

Excerpts:

Jan Okay, so when someone's at rock bottom, there's three "traditional" options. Selling your body (really unsavoury prostitution), selling your soul (fiends), selling your mind (illithids).

AbsolxGuardian for the last one, you would have to have hit super rock bottom, since you'd need to be in the underdark as well

*

Eyeloch Drow also provide spiders spiders are vital for the economy

AbsolxGuardian oohhh, what if that's the function of the elder brain in this world (because i hate hiveminds with rulers. that doesn't make sense)

Jan Elder brain, is that mindflayers?

AbsolxGuardian yep although i also like the idea of it being the server room of the hivemind

Eyeloch !!

Jan Okay. I don't think of that so much as a "hivemind with ruler", it's more like... the elder brain IS the "mind".

Eyeloch CLOUD COMPUTING

Jan Ooze computing.

Eyeloch THE ELDER BRAIN IS A SERVER FARM

Jan And then mindflayers are like black hat hackers?

Eyeloch hehehheheh ooooh

AbsolxGuardian .....mindflayer colony that's mining bitcoin

Jan YES

Eyeloch psychic bitcoins

Jan OH, and you can only use them when you're "plugged into" the brain server farm!

Eyeloch mindflayer shopkeeper that's cordial to PCs but only takes bitcoin assures them that any brain can generate them

AbsolxGuardian yes!!!

Jan Honestly, I think this Matrix-esque mindflayer concept is a lot better than their official lore.

Eyeloch I'm reminded of Logopolis, the last Fourth Doctor story

Jan And like, they don't so much EAT the brains for physical nourishment, as they extract it for future use as processing. ...which would then imply that a mindflayer vomits out a brain once it gets back home.

Eyeloch where block-transfer computations can literally affect reality as they're solved

AbsolxGuardian yeah! the brains could be doing calculations for psionic magic to generate things like food

Eyeloch like ants that collect leaf cuttings to farm fungus, but they collect brain cuttings to farm psionic energy

AbsolxGuardian they don't eat the brains, they use them as magic computers (i guess a naturally psionic species/being would be able to do it while remaining conscious) they could just be casting food generation spells

Jan Oh, and like a living person COULD like "loan" their brain out for a while, with it still being in their head... but they'd definitely be incapacitated during that.

Eyeloch malware left in brains

Jan Would probably take some psychic damage too, depending on how careful the mindflayers were.

Eyeloch and now I'm horrified

Jan And yes, the possibility of stuff like that being left in one's brain. Which means there's only two situations in which somebody would do this: a) they really trust the illithid in question b) they're desperate Now I'm imagining this as like, one of the last-resort activities people get up to, like certain forms of prostitution, or knocking over fantasy gas stations.

AbsolxGuardian ......wait so does that mean that the gith are just a matrix sequel (although I assume you would just be unconscious)

Jan And it's all technically legal. They know, getting into it, that it'll hurt, and they might not survive.

Eyeloch "Over time, overmind. . .over time, overmind. . .over ti-ti-time, overmind..."

AbsolxGuardian because standard lore says that after dragons and giants, it was the mindflayers that ruled the material plane

Jan Okay, so when someone's at rock bottom, there's three "traditional" options. Selling your body (really unsavoury prostitution), selling your soul (fiends), selling your mind (illithids).

AbsolxGuardian for the last one, you would have to have hit super rock bottom, since you'd need to be in the underdark as well

Eyeloch ...if you're an adventurer, selling your body may mean roughing people up

Jan Rock bottom LITERALLY heh.

Eyeloch but much the same

Jan Although, there's nothing stopping a mindflayer from being on the surface, aside from that it's far from their normal habitat. OH, maybe that's why it wants to borrow people's minds: because it doesn't have the normal "computing power" of an elder brain. It's running mobile instead of desktop. And there's a whole bunch of bipedal wifi stations walking about.

Eyeloch "Well, this is kind of. . .well it isn't an elder brain. More of an adolescent brain. It still helps, though!" omg parallel core computing = multiple mind psionics

AbsolxGuardian i can't believe both of my dnd sessions have bitcoin cause my dragonslayers one has spell slot based arcanecoin

Jan This reimagining could also make illithids feasible as allies, I think. If they don't require the DEATH of sentient beings to function, that could also put them at Lawful Neutral, with Lawful Evil tendencies because it's hard to view "humans" as "people" since they're so different.

Eyeloch this is amazing

AbsolxGuardian also they don't have to only eat psionic food, it's just the most practical in the underdark

Eyeloch together, we've made some great concepts

AbsolxGuardian heck, they're probably the breadbasket of the underdark

Jan Maybe illithids are strict herbivores when it comes to nourishing their physical forms. And "eating brains" doesn't have it go down the digestive tract, just to another internal place for storage.

Eyeloch oh gosh, talking about how they're vegan, while literally stealing brains :joy:

AbsolxGuardian YES!! now i'm thinking about the underdark economy, and i'd imagine duergar provide weapons and raw mined material. deep gnomes provide more precise and detailed products. mindflayers provide food. and drow provide slaves and "protection"

Jan Pffft, "You actually have to eat MEAT to FUNCTION? I'm going to take your brain, and you probably won't even notice that it's missing, you're already basically an animal."

Eyeloch Drow also provide spiders

Jan I love how we managed to turn mindflayers into both hackers and obnoxious vegans.

Eyeloch spiders are vital for the economy

AbsolxGuardian (in all seriousness, a tamed giant spider is basically a beast of burden)

Jan Even smaller spiders, there's spider silk. And if you can communicate with them, you can get stuff woven to order I suppose.

Eyeloch you could potentially make garments with almost no additional stitching required

AbsolxGuardian yeah, they provide fabric!

Jan Thinking of mindflayers, there was an idea I'd had a few months ago. Where they like, provided protection to a community, in exchange for a few brains once in a while. Kind of like an organized crime gang, I guess.

Eyeloch protection racket

Jan And there was also, like, you know Intellect Devourers? Those things like brains on legs? A smaller version of them, that were basically used for recreational purposes. To turn your brain off for a bit, like getting drunk. To clarify, this is what the humans in town did. Heh, I don't know whether it's sad or impressive that like, three nerds, talking over maybe fifteen minutes, can turn the Underdark into a functional economy, when Wizards of the Coast hasn't.

Eyeloch hello and welcome to the town of mindfuck

AbsolxGuardian i mean, they see the civilizations of the underdark as a lot more evil. we went in more of a "creepy harsh life"

Jan Yeah.

AbsolxGuardian although it is funny that the economy is in such perfect balance, because "conquer the surface and crush others underfoot" are on the long term priority list of drow and mindflayers now i'm imagining a vetinari-like drow having to reign in warmongering drow

Eyeloch the alignment of Stupid Evil can stifle effective ability to actually do evil

Jan Oh, the illithid-protection-racket idea: there's no beggars around, because they all get approached with "if you lend us your brain for a bit, and you survive, we'll make sure you have what you need to be set up afterwards". The people who don't take that offer, they're creeped out enough that they leave the area.

Eyeloch I love it OH HELL

Jan And like, there's a lot of visceral "this is horrible" reaction.

Eyeloch i d e a "Server farm"

Jan But the people who complain most about it, it's not like THEY were doing anything to help the beggars.

Eyeloch which is like battery hens, but with people with "useful" brains though, honestly, some mindflayers probably think that's wasteful since enrichment activities slow the degradation of the hardware, don't'cha'know

AbsolxGuardian oh are we going with each hive being a full hive mind and more of a single enity or just very community focused telepaths

Eyeloch hmmm, IDK

Jan "Enrichment", oh that's good. The latter idea would work better. And like, a strong enough mind can subsume all the others into it.

AbsolxGuardian that makes sense

Eyeloch corporate merger

Jan Oh, how about like there's some ideological splits along that line.

AbsolxGuardian so each elder brain is their internet server

Jan Whether it's better to have every body under one mind, or just have each body connected.

Eyeloch "Mindflayers. When you talk, we listen."

AbsolxGuardian yeah there might be a few all hivemind groups

Jan There's no real conflict between the hivemind vs non-hivemind groups. Maybe some verbal sniping, or "oh that's what you get for using that form" when one of them suffers damage.

Eyeloch just some passive aggression?

Jan But a pro-hivemind illithid doesn't work well in a non-hivemind group... and an anti-hivemind illithid will make the hivemind less functional, if forcibly added.

Eyeloch so much telepathic noise, and all the tiny disagreements stressing the hive-mind fan more and more for self-evident reasons!

Jan That's probably the biggest philosophical divide in mindflayer society. And like, they all feel that they're superior to other life forms, and the world would be a better place in charge. Just every mind has a different idea on how to do that, and if it should be done. Some think that non-mindflayers are enough of a mess that you shouldn't even bother with them, it's like cleaning out a stable with a dining fork. Don't try to take them over; even if you manage, it won't be fun.

Eyeloch "elves, gnomes and those others lot are fine to do their thing.  Just I wish they'd go do that stuff somewhere else, you know?"

Jan Frick, what if illithids see "humans" (by which I'm including other humanoids) as animals, with all the variety that entails. As beasts of burden, as nuisances who need to be driven away, as scenery, as pets.... Most feel like it's not right to go out of one's way to hurt a humanoid, but if a few humanoids end up suffering to achieve illithid goals, it's not a big deal.

Eyeloch tie it back into the vegan thing from earlier!

Jan There's a few who actively try to protect humanoids. But they still see humanoids as "lesser" beings than illithids.

Eyeloch some would rather not see humanoid suffering, or directly benefit from it but in a kind of

Jan "I would NEVER extract a human's brain personally, but I'll buy one at the store." "Awww, look at those cute little dwarves, carving out a dwelling for themselves! It's almost like they're people!"

Eyeloch "we are superior beings, so we shouldn't sully ourselves with inferior creatures" vs "we are superior in every way, and humanoids are simply too inferior to realise the honour it is to help us in mind or body."

[detroitbecomehumanwritings]

Virtual Love (3/?)

Co-Writer: @500shadesofblue Pairing: Connor/DFAB!Reader (Gender is unspecified) Rating: T (Chapter), NC-17 (Entire Fic) Chapters: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 Summary: Virtual reality is becoming the next great evolution of technology: some say on-par with Elijah Kamski’s breakthrough design of the first modern-day android. It has immeasurable potential; to enhance, to assist, and to completely break the bounds of our reality.

You, as a member of the team spearheading the technology in a branch within Cyberlife, have developed a working prototype. It’s finally finished; all that’s left is a series of trials to check if it’s functioning properly.

On the first test run, however, you find an android named Connor standing in the middle of your virtual kitchen.

The next morning, you spend precious work time investigating RK800. (It’s not like you have much to do, now. As a part of the Virtual Reality branch, your whole department is just… trying to develop addendums to the program. Troubleshooting any issues they find. And you’re still getting paid. Cyberlife really is a trillion dollar corporation, and their paycheck shows it.)

So you’re at your desk, typing furiously away on your high-tech work-issue computer for any snippet of information that could give you some sort of background for the android that had been plaguing (visiting?) your test sessions.

And when you look, you find a lot.

In regards to Connor, a simple google search reveals so much. A highly-televised gesture of goodwill, sent by Cyberlife to the Detroit Police Department (and how the hell haven’t you heard of this? You work at Cyberlife!). The most advanced model ever produced, created for the purpose of keeping deviancy in check. You knew that newer, better models were constantly in development, but a detective android?

Well, it’s very like Cyberlife to attempt to contain its own mistakes. Cyberlife has wealth, and it intends to keep it. So, as a publicity stunt and a concerted effort to reign in its own malfunctioning tech, Connor’s existence makes sense.

But still. Deviancy. You’d never even heard of the word before it left Connor’s mouth, but now it seems to be everywhere. Like when you learn a new word, and people are using it constantly, when before, you swear you’ve never heard it used. Obviously, it can’t be true that the word ‘deviancy’ has only now appeared… but you’ve never seen it before. So obvious, but so ugly in its implication.

As a Cyberlife employee, you have a little clout. You know your way around a computer. So it takes comparatively little effort to find out everything the public knows and then some about deviancy.

John Phillips. Murdered by a deviant. Emma Phillips, taken hostage, successfully retrieved via the efforts of a Cyberlife android, titled ‘the Negotiator.’ Model RK800, first test run.

Connor.

And just recently - and this one is much harder to find, but you already know the victim’s name, so it’s doable - Carlos Ortiz, murdered by a deviant in his own home. Stabbed twenty-eight times.

Your stomach rolls in both sympathy and horror at the implications. How long have androids been murdering their owners? What sort of horrific bug is causing this violence?

At least Connor exists. Connor - or rather, Cyberlife, via Connor - is making an effort to correct its mistakes.

Thank god. You already know the theories about androids observing purchases, personal conversations, etc., but if you owned a machine that could straight up murder you? You’re not sure what you’d do, at this point.

Eventually, you’ve had enough. Your thoughts are ruminating, now, festering with doubt and a tinge of fear. You’re not getting anywhere.

So you exit out of your tabs, returning to your actual work.

Gotta earn that paycheck after all.

That night, in your third-ever VR test, when you come to, blinking your eyes open, reclining on your couch, someone’s waiting for you.

You jolt, half turning at the figure beside you- but no, it’s just the persistent android that frequents your virtual-reality. It’s seated on the other end of your overstuffed couch, sitting primly, knees close together, hands in its lap, staring blankly ahead. It’s perhaps the least human thing you’ve seen it do so far.

“Hello,” it says politely, turning to look at you.

“Hi,” you say, torn between wariness and acceptance. This is the third time you’ve run into this particular android- and after the conversation last time, and the deal you made, you figure you can afford to relax.

Plus, you can’t keep yourself on guard anymore. It’s too stressful.

So you sigh, relaxing back into the soft plush of your couch.

“Guess you’re here again,” you finally say, eyes drifting closed. “Got waylaid again?”

“...Yes,” it says, after some hesitation.

You breathe slow, letting the silence drift. You’re so comfortable that-

Your eyes shoot open as you feel something moving beside you.

You turn your head to look and- oh. It’s your cat. Fluffy, tail waving high in greeting and good-spirits, eyes wide, whiskers twitching. You brighten. “Hey, baby,” you coo, patting your lap. “Heyyyy. C’mon.”

Your cat mews, slinking over. You smile as it parks itself on your lap, starting to knead your thighs. You scratch the side of its chin and it purrs.

“I see you have a pet,” Connor says, jolting you out of your happy-moment. Connor’s looking at your cat, interested. “I don’t really see the merits of owning a cat over owning a dog.”

I didn’t know androids had opinions , you want to snap, but that’s rude, even for you. “Keep your negative opinions away from my cat,” you say instead, comfort and warmth making you conversational. You pet the fluff on your cat’s belly as it flops over, purring. “My cat can sense negative emotion.”

“It’s not an observation based in emotion,” Connor says. “Merely an objective one. Dogs are more friendly, energetic, and defensive of the home. Felines are smaller, more independent, and less capable.”

“Cats are great,” you say, more than a little incensed. “If you’re looking at things objectively, you might see it that way. But it just depends on what you prioritize. Me…” you stroke your cat. “I like having a small, fluffy animal that loves to cuddle with me. And cats can be extremely loving! They’re just pickier than dogs. Now dogs… dogs give their affection to everyone!”

“What’s wrong with that?” Connor says, quizzical.

“I like feeling special,” you reply matter-of-factly, settling back into your couch. “My cat loves me, and me only.”

“If I might point out, this isn’t actually your cat,” Connor says.

You pause in your stroking. Your cat mrrps its dismay.

“...You got me there,” you finally say, resuming your rhythmic pets. “But it’s based on my cat, and my cat’s behavioral patterns. If I wanted it to be different, I’d have to change it in the virtual-reality settings beforehand.”

There’s a comfortable silence.

“Plus,” you say, “cats may be independent, but that just makes their love even more special. And you don’t have to take a cat for a walk.”

“Exercise is beneficial for the body and mind,” Connor says.

For humans. It’s not like androids exercise to maintain their bodies.

“Sure, sure,” you say, ignoring your snide mental hiccup. “I mean, I’m not saying I don’t like dogs. I do like dogs! I’ll pet any animal, as long as I know it’s friendly to being petted. I just like cats better.”

“Your rationale is based in personal preference,” Connor says. “Not facts.”

“Uuugh,” you say, feeling cornered. “Just let me love my cat in peace .”

A comfortable hush falls over the two of you. You relax, petting your cat, reclining on your couch. If you had a good book, you’d be golden.

What even happens if you doze off in virtual reality? Do you wake up in the real world?

So many questions, and so few answers. You suppose this is why you’re testing the module before it’s released to the public.

Testing…

That sparks a small curiosity in your mind. Your eyes dart over to the android, eyeing the way it sits so politely to itself. You feel pressured to fill the silence.

“And hey,” you finally say. You can see Connor blinking into attention in your peripheral. “Sometimes, what we like isn’t based on how it benefits us. Sometimes, it’s just based on what we like, y’know?”

“I can’t say I do,” it says. “Perhaps it is an aspect of humanity that I will never understand.”

Sheesh.

There’s a spot of silence, but now you feel an urge to fill it. For better or worse, when you run into certain situations, you can’t leave them alone. Whether that situation be an awkward silence with an acquaintance-android or something else.

“...What kind of things do you enjoy?” you say. Yep, let’s hammer through that silence.

I mean, there’s gotta be something, right?

Connor blinks and turns to look at you. It looks obviously caught off-guard, and the look in its eyes give you a mild, almost smug satisfaction for having a similar surprising question asked of you the last time it visited.

“Enjoy…?” Connor asks, LED flickering. “I...don’t think I follow what you’re asking.”

“I mean what things do you like?” You take a breath and look back down to your cat, virtual as it may be but cute all the same. “Your favorite things, maybe. Colors, music, hobbies….”

You are curious to see how it would respond to the question. And more than a bit smug to see how it reacts, caught off-guard. A little test, you suppose, if only to sate the curiosity that has been growing in the back of your head. Does Connor even have an answer to it? Such an advanced prototype, the most advanced android created by Cyberlife… does it have preferences?

After a moment, you feel your lips quirk, just a hair.

“I mean, you asked me the same things last time I saw you,” You say, sly. “Seems only fair to ask the same of you.”

The android rubs his hands together--a habit you had began to notice when it felt...nervous? Unsure? If it’s some sort of simulated response to a stimulus or particular pattern of speech, it sure looks real enough to you.

“I do not enjoy things personally,” Connor says at last. “Though if you desire the most appropriate answer to your question, I... enjoy completing my missions. It satisfies the programming for which I was created with. Working with my partner is... challenging. He is a difficult man to negotiate with at times, but nothing I am ill-equipped to handle.”

“Hm,” you say. Interesting. Connor has a partner . “Challenging… is he fine working with an android?” You take a stab at the dark at the possible gender of Connor’s partner.

When you glance over to check Connor’s face, his expression is just a bit sour. Judging by that, you got it right.

“He can be challenging to work with,” Connor repeats, mouth flattened.

Yikes. “Didn’t mean to step on your toes,” you say, stroking your cat absentmindedly. “Just curious.”

“Curiosity,” he muses. “What a human idea.”

“Are you telling me,” you say, incredulous, “that you’re never curious? Not about anything?”

“Well,” he says, and if he looked flustered earlier, he looks like he’s really under pressure now. “‘Curiosity’ as you understand it, wanting to know for the sake of wanting to know… it’s not so different from my programmed purpose. To solve cases, I must observe, analyze, and connect ideas into concrete pictures. That being said, seeking information is… within my purview as an investigator.”

Your lips part, tilting up ever-so-slightly at the corners. He’s babbling .

“Mhmm. Got it,” you tease, and why is it so easy to banter with this robot? It acts more mechanical than any android you’ve interacted with, and yet…

It acts more human, too.

“For your information,” it says curtly, “I recently located and apprehended a deviant. Any behavioral patterns that may indicate ‘curiosity’ are… assisting my programmed purpose.”

Okay, alright, you don’t want him to get defensive. Though you also wonder what happens to the deviant after it’s ‘apprehended.’

“Doesn’t matter to me,” you say, offhanded. “You’re just the android that popped up in my virtual reality tests. Whether you’re curious or not is just conversation.”

“Okay,” he says, and his expression is slightly softened, but still a bit wary, clouded with an emotion you can’t identify. “I’m sorry to cut our conversation short, but would you mind logging out now? I’m in a hurry to get where I need to go.”

“...Alright,” you reply, taken aback. You try not to be offended at his abruptness. A thought strikes you, and without permission, leaves your mouth. “It’s not because I’m horrible conversation, right?”

“No,” he says, lips twisting ruefully. “You’re fine conversation. But right now,” and his face darkens again, “I need to go.”

“Okay,” you say, soft. You make eye contact, and without breaking it, you log out.

The next session, Connor isn’t on your couch.

Nor is Connor in your kitchen, outside in the meadow (at least not within seeing distance), or anywhere else around the house.

You pass the session by cooking, taking items that you know aren’t in your real-life fridge out of your refrigerator. You remember the conversation you had at work, earlier, with Helen about willing things into existence in VR, pulling them out of thin air with willpower alone. You figure you’ll give it a try, in a future session.

You make stir-fry, and though you know how well you’ve spiced it, each bite sits bitter in your mouth.

The next night, Connor’s back.

In fact, he’s not only back, he’s very back, if such a thing were possible. You’d know exactly how back he is, because when you open your eyes in VR for the first time, he’s about three inches from your face.

You shriek, involuntary and stilted, recoiling, but he’s already straightening up, taking a step backwards. He’s standing in front of you, now, eyebrows raised at the expression on your face. His face - which you’re suddenly very familiar with - is just barely colored in amusement, but it quickly fades in favor of a professional veneer.

“Sorry,” Connor says finally, breaking you out of your inspection of his face. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Didn’t scare me,” you mumble. “Just…” you look down, avoiding his gaze. “Just surprised.”

“My apologies,” he repeats. “However, you’ve had your eyes closed for approximately two minutes and forty three seconds. It’s very odd.”

“Do I not do that usually?” you say, straightening up. As if there’s a usually. But still, VR knowledge. For free .

“No,” Connor replies. “In the few times I’ve seen you, you… phase in, appearing first with some transparency, solidifying rapidly over a period of approximately four seconds. Upon full opacity, you open your eyes.”

You try not to think about when he would’ve seen you phase in, seeing where you found him each time. Nope. Nope, not thinking about it.

“...But not this time,” you sigh.

“No,” he says. “This time was different.”

“Hey, wait,” you say, almost childishly excited. You spring to your feet, bouncing on your toes, and you’re standing a bit too close, but whatever.

You concentrate, because you want to pull this off. You curl your fingers over your palm, you concentrate, and you- twist-

In a twist, you open your hand, and sitting there, innocuous, is a coin.

Connor - who’s been peering at you, curious - his eyebrows shoot up. His eyes are flickering from the coin to your face. His brows furrow, and he looks torn between being impressed and asking a lot of questions.

“Voila,” you grin cheekily, raising the coin a bit closer to his face. He peers down at it, lips pursed. “Behold! The power of Virtual Reality conjuration!”

“Why a coin?” he says, expression inscrutable, rolling with the subject change, and for the life of you, you have no idea why the coin is the important thing.

“I don’t know,” you say impatiently. “Coins are typical for magic tricks, aren’t they? Y’know, pulling a coin from behind someone’s ear, and all that. What about the trick, though? Aren’t you impressed?” You grin. Even if Connor is just an android, he’s a captive audience.

“May I?” he asks, hand outstretched, and okay, you’re starting to feel the personal space thing. Connor is maybe a foot away, holding out his hand, palm up.

“Sure,” you mumble, “lemme just…” you sidestep, backing up a step. “Alright,” you say, breathing out in a sigh, “do your worst.” You position the coin in your hand, and with a sharp flick of your thumb and a clear-sounding ping , the coin goes shooting into the air in an arc, spinning and glittering silver.

Unblinking, Connor’s hand darts out, snatching the coin out of the air as it hits its zenith and begins to fall. The coin is clasped neatly between thumb and forefinger.

A corner of your mouth quirks. You can’t help but be a little impressed.

“Observe,” he says, one corner of his mouth quirking up in a half-smile. And before your eyes, the coin-

Oh, wow.

It’s flying from hand to hand, rolling over Connor’s knuckles before disappearing into his cupped palm again and again. It’s entrancing, spinning and glittering, a clear sign of hand-eye coordination. Or maybe just coordination, because he’s not even looking at his hands. When you glance up at his face, tearing your eyes away from the coin-tricks that seem more at home in a circus tent than your living room, his eyes are intently trained on your face, cataloguing your expression of wonder.

You flush and look back at his hands.

He’s spinning the coin on his fingertips now, seemingly defying gravity as he pops the coin in the air, short hops from fingertip to fingertip. Your lips part as you watch, enthralled.

“How are you doing that?” You can’t keep the amazement out of your tone.

“I learned,” Connor says simply, and as you watch, he catches the coin in one hand. You glance back up at his face. “During my testing, it was used to calibrate. Now, I just… I use it to check my physical reaction time and dexterity.”

“That’s...useful.” Not thrilling, not exciting, not even impressive--just ‘useful’, if only because you think it’s the word he would appreciate more. “What other sorts of things can you do with the coin?”

Connor’s eyes lift to meet yours for a moment.

“Nothing that I’m aware of,” he says, though a subtle smirk pulls at the corner of his lips. “Though I hear some people like coins in exchange for goods and services.”

“Oh my god,” you say, rolling your eyes at the absurd not-joke.

It still manages to make you smile.

You chatter for a bit longer, light conversation. You tell Connor how you made the coin appear - I willed it into existence, that’s how things work in VR - and he hmms and tells you he’ll have to try it later. You have no doubt he will.

Shortly after that, you logout, a smile on your face.

That night, you sleep peacefully.

Dammit, you’ve been calling Connor ‘he’ again.

[myquirkylife]

The black and white of dieting is fairly simple: eat less, move more, calories in, calories out. Be consistent and watch yourself transform. Right? Well, generally speaking, yes. But unfortunately, not always. Just like life, dieting is not always so black and white.

Perhaps you know someone that despite training hard, eating at a deficit with properly balanced macronutrients/micronutrients and recovering appropriately, they just can’t seem to lose weight? More often than not, factors at fault include:

“Ghost Bites” – aka those bites of your coworkers dessert, those mindless bites while you prepared your meal, those random bites of various snacks at work, those unmeasured spoonfuls of peanut butter, always eating out and guesstimating, etc. They all add up!

Not Actually in a Deficit – They may not be burning as much as they think they are in their training, therefore, not being in a true caloric deficit (more on this later). Or, eating more than they think they are in comparison to their output. Yes, it is true, sometimes in dieting, to get to a specific goal, you have to be in a lower deficit than you think you need to be in. Harsh truth.

Other than the above factors, there are some that fall in the grey area of dieting. Perhaps you’ve heard folks say, “I can’t lose weight because I have a slow metabolism”? Hell, I’VE said that (thanks, thyroid)! People can have slow metabolisms (soooo many factors that contribute to this), but the most important tidbit of information to take away from this post is: a slow metabolism is NOT a life sentence that you are doomed with forever (or to use as an excuse). There ARE ways to remedy this.

But it takes work. By tracking your intake, you are in control of the calories-in – which is extremely important if you have specific goals. Controlling the calories-out, aside from exercise, is more so dependent on your biology, which is where things can get tricky. The human body is extremely complex, and it is your metabolism (a mega machine of organ function, hormones, energy, etc) that dictates the amount of energy your body outputs in a day.

The thing with the human body is that it is extremely durable and will adapt to extreme circumstances when necessary. Some bodies do this quicker than others (hi). So if you’ve been eating really low calories for a long time, even when combined with hard, diligent training, and you’re still not losing weight, chances are that your metabolism adapted to its current state. No, this is NOT starvation mode. Most people, thankfully, won’t ever experience true starvation. What this means is, your body adapted to its current intake as its “maintenance,” so even though you’re technically not eating much, your body doesn’t think it’s in a caloric deficit, it thinks it is maintaining.

So, how can this be fixed? Reverse dieting! Or, simply getting back to (or figuring out) your true maintenance numbers (macros to eat to maintain weight). This is done so that your body can slowly adapt to eating at higher calories, with minimal weight gain while also increasing your metabolic capacity.

Some argue that there is no need to to do this slowly and you can simply go back to eating at maintenance in a 2-3 week window after a cutting phase (Lyle McDonald, PhD), while others argue that this should be done slowly in a 10 week (or more) window to minimize fat gain and give your metabolism time to adjust (Alan Aragon, Avatar Nutrition, in3 Nutrition, Layne Norton, PhD, Sohee Lee). In my humble opinion, if you’ve been cutting for a long time, slowly increasing your food intake can also help you mentally. Big increases in food in a small time frame can easily lead to binging.

So…all this may sound familiar coming from me, right? Well, that is because I have covered this topic before in The Dark Side of Reverse Dieting. Read that post where I go over my personal experience with reverse dieting (at that point) and the parts of reverse dieting that people don’t like to talk about. Folks love to focus on the group of folks that respond extremely well to reverse dieting such as weight loss and can get their macros upwards of 400g of carbs without gaining but that is not as common as you think.

Okay, so now you’re probably asking, “Well Jo, why are you bringing up reverse dieting yet again?” Sigh.

HERE’S THE DEAL

To put it into perspective, I wrote that post in July 2017 and it is now toward end of April 2018. I was in the middle of a reverse diet that I had began in March 2017. Which, five months in was a record for me! As mentioned in that post, I was notorious for starting a reverse, and at any sign of gain, I’d jump back into a cut. And very recently, I was reverse dieting…again. WHAT?!

So, what had happened was…we had a trip to Costa Rica planned for November 2017 and I did not want to go looking/feeling fluffy (can you blame me?). I was advised against going into a cut just yet, that I should give my reverse more time, then go into maintenance for a bit, and THEN cut. Well, vanity and impatience got the best of me and I compromised on doing a “mini cut” right before the trip. I was warned that cutting a reverse short and diving straight into a cut is not a great idea, but that if I’m to do it, that I should stick to the reverse up until October 2017, then for the month of October, do a somewhat aggressive cut (shock the body in a sense), then get back to a reverse when I return. Well, things did NOT go as planned whatsoever because my body is a difficult bitch (hence why I am writing this long ass post about metabolic adaptation).

Basically, the aggressive mini cut did NOTHING for me. I went from eating about 2200 cals to pretty much 1500 cals (without change in training volume) in a span of about three weeks with no change on the scale or body. The frustrating parts were:

Reverse diet that I spent 6 months on, turned out to be a waste because I was back to eating what I was eating pre reverse diet (perhaps even less) AND at a higher weight than when I began reverse because I’m one of the lucky ones that has some fat gain during a reverse (Note: sarcasm – there should be a sarcasm font)

I was compliant 95% of the time during the reverse and 99% compliant during the cut, so it’s not like I was going YOLO style and overeating

I was diligently training hard in weightlifting throughout

What was done, was done. There I was, right before Costa Rica vacation feeling like…

But I got to thinking…I should NOT be stressing about this during my vacation. I had never been to Costa Rica, it was my first international trip with Migs, and I had spent months planning it. I was determined to turn my shit around and have an amazing time. I planned to mindfully eat but not track my food.

This is just a glimpse at the adventures we had on our 10-day trip living that pura vida:

The trip was phenomenal. We laughed, we ate, we drank, we swam, we did adventure. I couldn’t have asked for a better trip. It took a lot of willpower to not think about what I looked like in this bikini or in those shorts or that dress, but I did it well enough and remained in the moment. Pura vida.

Back to Reality

In my last blog post, I went over exactly what took place upon our return from Costa Rica. Rest in forever peace, my sweet Abuelita.

In that last post, I definitely focused on my training and those lifetime PRs that did make me ever so happy! There’s one major plus from truly fueling my body – getting stronger!

What I didn’t focus on in that post was nutrition and my body, well, because I knew it would take some explaining and it needed its own post to do so.

Anyway, so upon getting back, feeling as discouraged as ever (on top of the emotional roller coaster I was on), I basically just went back to the calories I left off of on my cut and mindlessly stayed there for some weeks until January came around and I stumbled on AHub Nutrition‘s Ashleigh Hubbard on Instagram…and was intrigued. I lurked on her for a while on Instagram from afar. I’d click through and see what her clients were sharing, what she shared, her methods – basically, went down a rabbit hole.

Although I felt Avatar did serve me well, my body just does not always respond as typically as most bodies do and feel it requires more patience than the algorithm allows. It responded well to the reverse overall, but the cut method, not so much, which I know is partially my fault for going from reverse to a cut so quickly. For someone who has a fairly responsive body, I feel Avatar is a great, affordable alternative. But ultimately, it does only base your weekly macro tweaks on your weigh ins (weight + body fat measurement + compliance, and for women, menstruation) without any other factors considered. I figured the time may have come for me to take on a coach again. Someone that can take into consideration not only the weight on the scale but also take into account other measurements such as how I’m feeling, whether I dropped the kids off at the pool, my stress levels, my energy, how I’m recovering, my training changes, etc. I KNOW I could do this for myself but let’s be honest, we’re not always as real with ourselves as we are with others.

What sold me on Ashleigh – because it IS a hefty price tag to take her on, I’ll be honest – is how responsive she was before I even hired her. We DM’ed for about a couple hours the night I finally reached out to her. I asked any and all questions and concerns that I had. I explained my situation, warned her my body is notoriously difficult and I let her know I did not want to go through what I went through before with a previous coach (scroll down). Responsiveness is key with me. Most importantly, don’t brush off my concerns when I have them. She reassured me of all my concerns without giving me blanket responses and added a bonus: her clients have her cell number and can text her with any questions or to just chat.

Time to get to business. Time to make a plan. And she told me what I knew was coming (but was somehow hoping not to come to this). The only way to really get me out of the hole of eating such low calories and not seeing any results was to reverse diet me…AGAIN. Ugh. I expressed my feelings about doing a reverse AGAIN, potentially gaining weight AGAIN, spending months on a reverse AGAIN when I had just spent 6 months on one. I said and asked all these questions, knowing the sad, sad answer already before she even said it. I don’t have much a choice if I want to get my body and metabolism in order. It’s either, remain eating very low calories and lowering them even more with the possibility of still not seeing any change (and have my performance suffer) or reverse diet, but this time go into a maintenance phase, and then cut. And of course, taking into consideration more than just weight on scale the whole time (biofeedback) and adjust accordingly.

Ugh, fine. So here I am. I started the reverse with Ashleigh in January and my reverse just ended a couple weeks ago. From when we started I gained about 3-4lbs – which to some, may seem like nothing. But if you think about the overly aggressive reverse (aka bulkI didn’t ask for) I was put on post op by my previous coach where I gained nearly 10lbs, then the reverse I was very recently on where I had also gained about 3-5lbs (with Avatar) – it sure adds up and IS a lot. I am now on maintenance for the month of April with a week diet (mental) break at the end of the month where I won’t track macros which is also when I’ll be out of town for work. And then, when I’m back in town…

Time to cut! I am hopeful that it will go well this time under the watchful eye of an attentive coach. Another thing I already knew before Ashleigh mentioned it, was that it is very likely that I will ultimately have to go very low in calories due to how my body has responded historically. But luckily, she said she won’t keep me so low for too long and, I don’t have trouble eating low calories when I have to. I more so get frustrated eating low calories and seeing no changes.

HAVE YOU STRUGGLED?

I’m curious to know my readers better. Aside from the common issues listed in this post, have you also struggled with any body goals? Do you feel your body is difficult to change? Did you end up finding what tweaks work for you?

xx,

Jo

The Joys of Metabolic Adaptation #flexibledieting #nutrition #health #wellness #metabolism The black and white of dieting is fairly simple: eat less, move more, calories in, calories out.

[clarestrand]

Archivo Interview

with Ana Teresa Vicente .

Ana Teresa Vicente (ATV) | About five years ago, on the occasion of your participation as an invited artist of the Post-Screen 2016: International Festival of Art, New Media, and Cybercultures (FBAUL-ULHT), we initiated a conversation about your artistic practice, conceptual ideas, and work strategies. At the festival main exhibition Unspoken Dialogues, (Fundação Millennium bcp, Lisbon, Portugal) you presented two artworks, The Seven Basic Prepositions and Conjurations Films. I would like to go back to the exchange we had at the time and propose a re-reading of the issues addressed then, to rethink and actualise them. In this context, I will start by asking about the central axis of your work, and what is that defines what you work with next.

Clare Strand (CS) | I would say, the central functions of photography and how it is used in any number of different contexts, but specifically the functional and utilitarian uses. What photography has been and where it is going. It’s failures and achievements.

ATV | Most of your artwork addresses the forms of vernacular imagery. How did vernacular photography become of your interest?

CS | I’ve collected images since I was young - kept in scrapbooks mostly. In retrospect, I can see where my interests and approach to imagery started forming. I appreciate the modesty and chameleon-quality that vernacular imagery has - how very amenable and generous, but at the same time how awkward and singular. Vernacular imagery is usually without context, it is ’nude’ and therefore open and vulnerable to interpretation and reading.  

ATV | What role does research play in your practice? Does your practice shift or expands, depending on the subject matter you are working on?

CS | There is no simple conduit from research to practice. I’ve never seen research as a regular pattern. I prefer the analogy of my research being like rolling down a hill and coming to rest with the detritus of the journey being collected on my clothing. The research is the making as much as the making is the research.

ATV | Some of your works could be described as a kind of laboratory of thought on the decaying nature of the photograph, here explored by the intervention of a series of kinetic devices, like The Entropy Pendulum and Output for example. How do you see the introduction of these devices in your work?

CS | I find the sensibilities of the Surrealist, the Fluxus Group and the Conceptualist very appealing. I like the idea of art being mechanical, the result of a pre-planned recipe or a manifestation of the unconscious and the automatic. The Entropy Pendulum, is a good example of this approach, in that the experiment is determined, the stabilisers then come off and whatever subsequently happens is the right result.

The Entropy Pendulum and OutPut, 2015 Courtesy of Clare Strand

ATV | In a way, you have been exploring the effects of erosion and deterioration in photography, whether by scratching the surface of the print (The Entropy, Pendulum…), by pinning prints on a tree (that is the subject of the photographs themselves) and letting nature run its course (Rubbings), or by using a kind of animated Rolodex, to explore interference over/on the surface of the print. Is the creation of work being destroyed by itself something you were interested in exploring? How did you choose the different formats in which you ended up presenting the artwork?

CS | The works you refer to were first exhibited in my solo show, Getting Better and Worse at the Same Time (2015). As I mentioned, I have collected images - mostly utilitarian - and I like how these images exist in a contextual flux, a flux that is comparable to how we experience ‘images' in our shared networks. The pendulum was a way of thinking about the variability of the image. The Entropy Pendulum(2015) every day of the exhibit, scraps away at one of 36 silver gelatine, black and white images. After each day of degrading, the resultant image is then removed from the pendulum, placed in a frame on the gallery wall and replaced in the machine by another print for the process to restart the following day. Every time The Entropy Pendulum is exhibited the images come back out of their frames and undertake another evolution of erosion. The work becomes less and less, or perhaps more and more.

​

The Pendulum was a perfect mechanical action, as the whole exhibition was delivered as a binary proposition - better and worse, back and forward, black and white, up and down. The other machines and works in the exhibition were doing something similar. All of their identities were changing over the course of the show - all of their futures set and then unset, decided and then undecided, fixed by becoming broken and then becoming broken by being fixed.

ATV | The Happenstance Generator or The Seven Basic Propositions deal with the idea of coincidental nature that photography and data have acquired in our lives and the nature of our daily visual encounters. What was your initial motivation to make these projects?

CS | I made The Seven Basic Propositions in 2009. It’s a really basic web programme but sometimes the more stripped-down something is the more direct and coherent the message. I have a number of Kodak adds from the 50’s - a time when Kodak was abundantly active, encouraging the world to record itself. I found 7 Kodak propositions, which all started with ‘Because…’ Because Photography is Colourful, Because Photography is Inexpensive, Because Photography is Fast, etc. And I used these to generate google searches. The searches provide rather banal results and, in some ways, break down the ambitions of technology and distribution. The Happenstance Generator was again an attempt to think about the circulation of imagery - where an image can be important one moment and then redundant the next.

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The Seven Basic Propositions, 2010 Courtesy of Clare Strand

ATV | The context of your work is the photographic medium itself – sometimes by turning things on their heads, or flipping the images around (I am thinking here of The 10 Least Most Wanted, for example); but also your experiments with aura or crime scene photography (photography as evidence), instruction manuals (utilitarian photography), or tabloid images, for example. There is also a relationship between playfulness, humour and absurdity/ madness in your work. Would you agree with this?

CS | It is important to me that my work establishes its autonomy. The 10 Least Most Wanted is a good example. As the production of a commission, I decided to edit ten of my favourite images from my scrapbook collection. These were my 10 most wanted images, or, in other words, the 10 images that made the most sense to me at the time.

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I made a layout of them on my kitchen table and felt content enough with my choice. The next day I came back to them and turned one of the images over. I then turned the rest over realising now I preferred what was on their reverse. This series became the 10 Least Most Wanted and the paper scraps were encapsulated in thick acrylic and exhibited in a grand, museum-style vitrine. They are presented on a slight gradient - so the least wanted are shown face up and given priority. However, if you wanted to see the most wanted you have to bend down, crane your neck and peek in from behind the cabinet. For me, The 10 Least Most Wanted work is a perfect example of understanding the nature of the creative process – expressing that moment of chance, happenstance, luck, creativity, the flick of a wrist (whatever you want to call it). It is an outcome pitched somewhere between intention, accident and realisation.

The 10 Least Most Wanted, 2012

Courtesy Pompidou collection and Clare Strand, 2012.

ATV | Your work has been described as surreal and looking at your photographs and the images you collected on your clothing I am reminded of Paul Nougé’s photographs, where something seems to be documented but precisely what, in reality, we do not know. Is this a reference for you?

CS | I am intrigued with the surrealist and the Dadaist, I enjoy their idiosyncrasies, mandates, controversies, freedoms, gameplay, and suppression of conscious control over the process of making. I also enjoy the slow burn of things. I dislike work that leaves little room for air…

ATV | In a way, the pandemic exposed how electronic transmission can still be so faulty and unfulfilling. Things break down and disconnect, miscommunication abounds, there are distortion and lag. Your latest work, Discrete Channel with Noise, seems quite premonitory in this inadequacy, at the same time that it puts the human in the centre of the equation. It is a bit like the Telephone Game, where the received message differs substantially from the original. First, we have the codification of the selected images, then sending this code over video calls and, last but not least, the (sometimes fumbled) transmission is recorded, here by the means of paintbrushes. Was it important for you to place the human hand back into the process, with this act of painting?

CS | Since I can remember, I have needed a physical or mental image to make sense of a complex proposition. The noise of conversation and instruction can be easily countered by a simple sketch or diagram. Once I have a visual manifestation of a problem, I am far more able to think clearly. This can easily describe much of practice, Entropy Pendulum, Happenstance Generator, etc. Making the intangible, tangible helps my understanding. Assuming I’m not so different from the rest of the world, then perhaps this visualising process also works for others. Understanding the journey of the 'technical image’ in our networks via the methods of “traditional” image-making, for example, paintbrushes and paint may be somewhat absurd, but seemed an attractive and logical route. Putting myself at the centre of the project gave me first-hand experience of painting the 2928 pixels per painting and to in some ways encapsulating the labour and the instability of the networked image.

(left) Discrete Channel with Noise: Information Source #7, 2018

(right) The Discrete Channel with Noise: Algorithmic Painting; Destination #7, 2018

Courtesy Pompidou collection and Clare Strand

ATV | This idea of something tangible and putting yourself at the centre of the work, could it also be related to the Wallpaper commission? In a way, the readers were asked to or challenged to create 3D shapes from the templates, using their hands, to act upon the paper?

CS | There is a connection, The Wallpaper project, as you propose, is encouraging a transformation (from two to three dimensions). As in Discrete Chanel with Noise, there are extraneous variables that can affect the outcomes. However, in this case, I am not at the centre, the ‘user’ is. The work is ‘outsourced', to be made by hand or to be imagined. This is perhaps similar, to a recent zine I made with Multipress, "Negatives for Fun with Clare Strand's Photography."

Wallpaper Magazine, Cut and Fold, 2020

Negatives for Fun with Clare Strand's Photography, 2018.

Published by Multipress.

ATV | Following this idea of "outsourcing" your archive and the "production" or "outcome" of the work is very intriguing, especially when photography is so widely accessible but, at the same time, gets so intertwined with image processing techniques that are out of our reach, our understanding of what happens inside the machine. A bit like the Kodak slogan you previously used in The Seven Basic Propositions, except now it is "you press the button, the AI does the rest."

CS | The photograph as ‘artefact’ is indeed a diminishing consideration. However, the transmission and circulation of images and data still involves human interaction, as instigators at least. Though The Discrete Channel with Noise examines the sharing of imagery, I’m using this to explore data and information in general, what we voluntarily share on a daily basis, which can be interrupted, lost, corrupted, misdirected, trashed, altered and harvested. With Discrete Channel with Noise, I chose not to outsource but to put my own body directly into a supposedly ‘bodiless’ process, making a human-machine of myself and my husband. With the Wallpaper Cut and Fold project and the Negative zine, through outsourcing, I continue to think about ’the inside of the machine’ the transmission of data, and the noise between my proposition and the final outcome.

ATV | What are you working on right now? Would you allow us a little peek at your future projects?

CS | The 36 Output Images of The Entropy Pendulum also formed the selection pool of the source images for The Discrete Channel with Noise. I'm interested in how this grouping of images might mutate further to continue their journey. This year I start a new residency at the Royal Academy of Fine Arts and the Royal Conservatoire in Antwerp, where I shall start to work on a new and even more illogical phase with these images, involving musical score, costume and performance.