#(that's a tag i didn't think i'd have to use for my thoughts on this ffs)
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that was us part eight
aka fuck it friday
tagged by @leashybebes
skipping ahead a few parts because i can and i want to. aka 7x05 as seen through the lens of the former fiancee/current besties abbysaltommy text thread
abby texting, tommy texting, sal texting
so, how was the first date?
turns out evan is not out to anyone.
it was his first 'date with a dude', but he's an ally.
sounds like a train wreck. (sorry, abby)
that part was oddly okay? it was adorable.
his best friend showed up at the same restaurant on a date with his girlfriend. evan said that we were 'going to pick up hot chicks later'.
i ducked out of going to the movie and just went straight home after dinner.
sal, cue us up a grindr best of lineup.
wait, i want to know what tommy said about the hot chicks.
not proud of it but i made a closet joke. the friend's girlfriend is moving in so it wasn't out of nowhere. i don't think any of them caught it, actually. but it made me feel a little better.
that's my boy!
you're a menace, sal. at least it was on the first date, tommy? it could have been worse.
mm. this feels like a sign that i should take a break from dating.
as opposed to the absolute bevy of dates you've been on recently?
sal, don't be mean. when was the last time you went on a date?
all right you two, no infighting. as fun as it is to watch you argue, i'm here for some moral support.
we can do that. hey, at least you can use the helicopter rescue to land dudes.
helicopter rescue? what helicopter rescue?
it's not a big deal.
tommy flew into a fucking hurricane and found a capsized cruise ship.
oh my god. days like this i miss la. nothing like this ever happens in phoenix.
i'm lucky i didn't get fired, okay? and we are not doing a grindr lineup. one bad date is not going to get me back on the apps.
you get one week to mope and then we're going for drinks and you're flirting with someone at the bar.
that's not a bad plan, sal. i approve.
at what point do i get a say in this?
you don't.
you don't.
their text thread sits quiet for a few days and abby debates asking tommy for more details. between jordan and marcus he hasn't had much to smile about, and even though he'd only met evan two weeks ago, the way that he'd talked about him… she'd really thought that tommy's luck was about to turn around.
they're driving tess to tucson for a college tour when she finally has enough time to text tommy separately.
it was one bad date abby, i'm fine.
yeah, but you liked him. like, really liked him.
i've really liked a few guys. and i've survived. we didn't even know each other for a full month. he'll just be a great kiss and a fun evening and that's the end of it.
a great kiss, huh?
i already told you that.
let's talk once we're back from the college tour? it's been a while.
sure, but you're signing up for a party viewing of love, actually.
double feature with die hard?
…evan just texted me.
what did he say?
do you want me to go fight him.
he wants to meet for coffee.
you should do it!
hm. at least you get a free cup of coffee. he is buying, right?
sal. yes, he's buying. i really liked him, you know? up until the hot chicks it was the best date i'd been on in… a while.
definitely go, tommy. you haven't said you had the best anything in a long time. abby thinks the last time she heard tommy say something was the best he'd ever had it was when she still lived in la (but after they broke up). if it's not great, it's just coffee. it's only going to be an hour or so.
i feel like someone should play devil's advocate but abby's got a point.
sal, how about i text you if i need you to fake an emergency and leave?
no, don't approach this like it's going to go badly!
works for me. i've always got you on speed dial, buddy.
you can hide any pitchforks the two of you might have found.
so it went well?
the question is how well it went.
sal.
sal.
what? just because he's not out doesn't mean they couldn't have some fun.
he actually did come out? to his best friend and his sister. we're going to try again and go on another date.
where's he taking you?
better be somewhere fancy.
i am not telling either one of you where it is. one of the delucas would try and pop up to spy on us.
i'm in pheonix, you can tell me separately.
it would be gina. definitely. she's small and sneaky.
they're not even denying it. you can find out where we're going after he's actually out to everyone.
sal, don't ruin this for us.
what? i'm being supportive.
so where's the date?
i'm not telling you.
why not?
because you'll tell gina and gina will tell sal and someone's going to pop up like a demented jack in the box.
i resent that implication.
because it's true?
see if i watch another romcom with you, tommy kinard.
that's a dirty lie, abby clark. listen, if we survive the second date then maybe i'll tell you two snoops more about him.
i'll let gina know ;)
i always regret introducing you two.
me and gina or me and sal?
all three of you.
here's hoping date number two is better than date one.
your lips, god's ears, etc etc.
#that was us#tommy kinard#abby clark#sal deluca#mentions of#evan buckley#bucktommy#past abbytommy#fifteen minutes late because it refused to post lmfao
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My jewish community, friends, rabbi, and educators: We are very invested in helping you be jewish. Do you want to help read the haftarah? Here's a chanukiah! You can have it!! Borrow these books! Here's some books! You need more books... Come to pesach! Come to the chanukah party! When are your classes done? We need a minyan for once!
Me and my 50000 IQ: What if I am Secretly Appropriating judaism? What if I am doing a Cultural Appropriation........
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#there comes a point where your concerns about if you are an Appropriative Cultural Appropriator hinders your jewish journey#i think a comforting thing is knowing that my incessant fear about this is confirmation that i love judaism#i love it with my heart and soul and (i feel) i'd be a less realized person without it#and i think people who genuinely engage in cultural appropriation just Do Not Care about the cultures they appropriate from#they don't love the culture enough to respect it and that is a big reason that it even IS appropriation#especially when jewish people are INVITING you to do things... it's not appropriation#i dunno last night i was feeling very anxious about lighting the chanukiah candles because i'm alone#but i've also lit shabbos candles. and it's just like... why would i choose not to engage in this when one day i will have to?#this time next year i will have to light candles. as a jew. and if i have no clue how to do it myself then i'll just avoid it#plus... i love my chanukiah and i want to use it. it is currently decorating my room because i love it#i hope they'll let me take pictures of all the chanukiah that'll be at the party#i'm sure they will because they're very open and they are very accommodating. in fact i'm bringing my clarinet too#i haven't touched that thing in well over four years 😭#but jewish music without a clarinet is like a body with no soul. it's impossible. it is not what g-d wants i think.#i just hope my ability to play by ear hasn't been affected by my lack of playing. i don't have perfect pitch tbc#but i fully believe you can know your instrument so well that you develop an ear for perfect pitch#in fact... i refused to memorize my marching band music because i DID develop that 'perfect pitch' ear. that's my dirty secret#i didn't practice in part because i can't have a space where noone could hear me practice and it's embarrassing and private to me#literally EVERY jew in my life has been almost TOO ecstatic about my jewish journey. i'm very thankful for it#i guess i just didn't think i deserved to have people as happy about me being in judaism as i am#so to be clear this is my brain being rude and dumb. this anxiety has NEVER been reinforced by anyone but myself#so i take full responsibility for it. but i think that anxiety is something many/most converts/jews-in-progress feel
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always am obsessed with motorsport champions that decide to run the number 1 plate vs those who’ve stuck with their number. because it reveals so much of each of their inner philosophies, whether they are deeply superstitious, or seek a tangible everyday proof of their victory, or concerned with branding/legacies, or trampling the inner critic that believed deep inside of them that they were cut out to be a champion. just so interesting to parse through possible motivations
you're so right anon!!
of course, a big part of it is historical context... you can't really disentangle the choice of whether to run the number one plate or not from the era within which they made said choice. until fairly recently, it was entirely the norm to pick the number one plate - and beyond that, even those who didn't finish in first tended to just adopt the number that represented the place they had finished in during the previous year's championship. so for instance in 1987, gardner was first, mamola second, lawson third, haslam fourth, macckenzie fifth, and so on. in 1988, gardner ran the number 1 plate... mamola 2, lawson 3, haslam 4, mackenzie 5, etc etc. the only champion who broke with tradition was british racer barry sheene (500cc champion in 1976 and 1977), known for being a rebel - and even the styling of his iconic number 7 was apparently a wee bit controversial:
sheene stuck with the 7 both after his formula 750 title and then after his two 500cc titles:
there's some ways in which sheene is kinda the prototype of the modern rider, and he was the first to reap the benefits of having a distinctive number associated with him
in the eighties and nineties, it was all back to number one plates - but then of course another rider decided to break with tradition
incidentally, the generally purported story for why valentino took the number 46 is that it was his father's number. if his autobiography is to be believed, the truth is a little different:
I am Valentino. Graziano chose that name for me because he wanted to honour the memory of his best friend, who drowned at sea, near Pesaro, at the age of eighteen. The fact that St Valentine's Day is just two days before my birthday was also a reason. Number 46 originated when I raced minibikes. I was on a team with two kids from Gatteo a Mare, Marco and Maurizio Pagano. They are the brothers who lent me the Aprilia 125, which I used for my debut at Misano. All three of us had number 46 because we raced in three different categories. They too loved Japan and Japanese riders. One day we were mesmerised by a wild-card entrant at the Japanese Grand Prix who pulled off the most amazing tricks and seemed to have no fear whatsoever. He was number 46. And from that day on, so were we. For me, that lasted until I moved up to the Italian championship and, later, the European series. But when I finally made it to the world championship, I was asked to choose a number. I discovered that 46 was Graziano’s number when he won his first Grand Prix on a Morbidelli 250cc, back in 1979. Which was the year I was born. That’s why I decided that I, too, would be number 46. For me that number represents my career and, partly, my life. It certainly symbolises my massive, incredible, adventure.
so valentino was only the second premier class rider who stuck with his number. the norm of just following the previous year's standings to choose your number was kinda starting to die out in the late nineties anyway. by 2002, when valentino was defending his title for the first time, if you look down the list it's basically personal numbers all the way. still, valentino was the one to break tradition for champions - the first to do so in a couple of decades. valentino did also know sheene personally as a result of the link through his father, who was a friend of sheene's and had raced him:
^valentino with sheene, valentino wearing a tribute helmet with the iconic '7' on it after sheene's passing (also with the rainbow helmet colours and the word 'pace' or 'peace' on the back during the 2003 invasion of iraq), and valentino's 2005 championship celebrations for his seventh title, his shirt again featuring sheene's seven
hayden didn't follow valentino's example and instead went for the number one plate in 2007. casey made the same choice for the 2008 season, then jorge in 2011... so for a hot moment it really did look like valentino had been just another blip. if anything, the trend was going the other way, with a couple of high profile instances of riders who hadn't won the title rejecting their established numbers:
this particular trend didn't catch on, and from 2010 onward dani decided to just stick with the 26. because all the non-valentino aliens just couldn't stop faffing about with their numbers, 2010 is the only year in which all four aliens are actually concurrently running the numbers we most commonly associate them with
then, by 2012 apparently people were starting to get a bit superstitious about the number one plate. here, from an interview with casey:
the idea is that you can't defend the title if you're sporting the number one plate. which is true! in the 21st century, three guys chose the number one plate, and they defended their titles a grand total of zero times. one bloke stuck to his number, and he defended his title five out of seven times. so yes, it is technically correct that nobody with the number one plate had defended their title, though it is equally true that nobody not called valentino rossi had defended their title. I suppose we'll never know what the bigger factor was
anyways, if picking the number one plate was already a sure thing before, I reckon this sort of silly talk about 'jinxes' would have made casey even less likely to change his mind for 2012. not only is he stubborn, but he also takes an extremely dim view on superstitions
That race was the twelfth in a row that had been won by a rider not starting from pole, which was a new record. People were making a big deal about it and questioning whether, psychologically speaking, it wasn't a good thing to qualify on pole position at all. Maybe to the superstitious riders out there it had become an issue but I have never allowed myself to be affected by outside influences like that and I put an end to the stat by winning from pole in the next round at Laguna Seca in California. It is amazing how many riders have superstitions, which to me are completely ridiculous. Pretty much every one of them has a little mascot or a lucky pair of undies that they once had a good result in and have been stuck with ever since (so to speak!). Superstition is basically just fear and as an athlete my view is that by allowing it to enter your mind you are effectively handing over control. My approach has always been to deliberately tackle it by doing things differently to the last time, just to make sure I don't get into a restrictive habit. Some riders look at their qualifying position and think, I never go well from fifth position, or arrive at a circuit thinking about past results there and say, 'I've never done well here before, it's not my favourite circuit.' You have to be in the mindset that every day is a new day, a new set of circumstances. Every corner is different, every situation is different, and if you are not prepared to open your mind to that then you will always struggle more than necessary. You might have been through one particular corner a thousand times before but with a slight change in temperature, a new bike, a different tyre or a rider trying to pass you on the inside it becomes a completely different challenge and you have to be ready to deal with that.
given that casey is like, neurotically anti-superstition - well, he was probably always going to do the same thing as he did in 2008, but now he definitely would never just stick with his number. unlike jorge... who did change his mind, having run the number one plate in 2011 - but decided against making the switch in 2013. funnily enough, this did not help him defend the title. the eventual 2013 champion ended up also opting to stick with his number... and, well, marc's title defence went a little bit more smoothly. after jorge's 2015 title, he once again stuck to his 99, while marc has used the number 93 throughout his career. by the time you get to 2020, it's easy to have a warped perception of how common it is to keep your number. if you're born in, say, 1997 or later, you think it's basically the done thing to stick to your number, and it's really only a few outliers who use the number one plate. but even in the 21st century... it's really just valentino and marc who were doing it, plus jorge two out of three times. but between the two of them, they sure were winning enough of the titles to make it feel like the established norm
by this point, there really was a bit of a superstition about how the number one plate was 'cursed'. obviously, this wasn't actually a 'curse' as much as it was 'the dominant force in the sport in the noughties decided this number one plate thing wasn't for him and the dominant force in the 2010s who also happens to a massive fan of the other guy also decided not to make the switch either so that probably explains it'. it's not 'you won't defend your title if you're sporting the number one plate', it's 'you won't defend your title if your name isn't valentino rossi or marc marquez'. but obviously, sports drives people insane, so it was always going to be something that prompted a lot of speculation until someone finally managed to defend the plate
following his 2020 championship, mir didn't depart from the new tradition, with a suzuki video to announce his decision:
and fabio did likewise after his 2021 title:
obviously, sticking to their numbers didn't actually help joan and fabio defend their titles, and after his 2022 championship it was pecco's turn to make the choice. pecco went about this in the most pecco way imaginable, with just a touch of public hand-wringing about the whole thing:
just as a quick reminder, before pecco there had been 28 premier class champions. five and two thirds decided against the number one plate - sheene, valentino, marc, joan, fabio, and jorge twice. "I have always been fascinated about riders with number one" describes something that until very recently had been completely normal. not even remotely noteworthy. cheers valentino
eventually, presumably after some extremely extensive introspection, pecco decided to go for the number one plate:
and also this:
and also this (look he's got a lot of thoughts on the matter, please allow him):
and talking about defending the number one:
pecco has continued talking about it sporadically since then. he's spoken about it in the context of defending his title, which as he points out he can only remember marc and valentino doing:
and then the pressure inherent to sporting that plate, from after he'd successfully completed his title defence:
hm. right. let's unpack
the thing about this whole 'running the number one plate' business is that in motogp, each rider's individual choice has to be read with that history in mind. for many years, this wasn't even really a question... it's just what you do when you win the title. sheene was the rebel, the one who decided to do things differently, who wanted to be associated with his very own number. and valentino, who himself knew sheene and was already attached to his own number and has always had a good sense for personal branding, decided to stick with 46. of course, valentino being valentino, he's inescapable enough within motogp that ever since he made that choice, every single champion after him has had to actively make a decision one way or another
so you've got jorge, who had used the number one plate in his title defence during his 250cc campaign in 2007 - and also used it in 2011 as motogp defending champion. he ended up changing his mind for his following two campaigns... remember, he only started using the number 99 in 2009 after his fractious split with his manager during 2008 (see more on numbers lore here). here was what he said about his decision in 2011:
versus his decision in 2015:
jorge in particular does of course have a bit of a complicated relationship with the numbers he's used during his career - and unsurprisingly he's clearly put quite a lot of thought into the whole matter. he's determined to still have the number 99 represent him in some way even in 2011, while also thinking about how he can integrate the number one into his initials - and since it's jorge, of course it's particularly important that his fans approve. he "won't forget" his 99, it was still on his leathers because it's still 'in his heart'... but he explains it by saying he has "earned the right", that it's a "unique opportunity". then, a few years later, his main cited reason for sticking with the number 99 is how it 'represents' him
very much a question of identity, then, something about how jorge made the choice to use the 99 and how it was an expression of liberation for him... he was tempted by the number one once and only once - a statement in itself, following on from jorge's title win in 2010 where the oppressively popular defending champion had been taken out of contention through injury. jorge says he's 'earned the right' because he feels like he deserves it and he wants to tell the world as much. did his failure to defend the title play into his decision not to run the plate again or did he just decide it wasn't really for him after all? did he realise he had grown so attached to the number 99, what it symbolised to him, that he didn't want to give it up again? or did he just realise it was better for personal branding?
last year, here's what casey had to say:
it's fun how the perception of it has changed so drastically, hasn't it? now it's kinda the brave decision to take it... and that's mainly the legacy of two blokes who happened to monopolise this century of racing and decided to make their numbers their own (you may have noticed that there's considerably less material out there on why they made the choice they did). it's gone from something that you just sort of did automatically to something that puts a bit of a target on your back. because that's the subtext, right - everyone wants to 'take the number one plate'... which obviously they do anyway, but all this talk of curses and jinxes attempts to give it a bit of extra weight. is it presumptuous to take that number? valentino and marc made the call to stick to their numbers - and years later it's become a statement to deviate from that path. in that fabio quote above, in context he's really just trying to say he feels like he's the number 20 and nothing other than that - but "I feel like I'm not number one" is still a teensy bit loaded. how did marc's injury affect the choice made by those in his absence?
casey is unsurprisingly very firm on the whole thing, "you are world champion and you should be wearing number one". as if doing anything else is shying away from this duty. defending the title is another "challenge" that he says he likes - almost like a way of putting extra pressure on himself. though in a different interview, casey also says this:
just a number after all, then? it's also interesting how they frame it in different ways, isn't it? for casey it's "recognition" of an achievement, for jorge it's something you've "earned"... and for pecco, it's something you "need to respect". it's about something that puts "pressure" on you... perhaps that's partly because so much of the discourse about the number one plate has become about defending the title (or failing to do so), but pecco discusses it more as a responsibility than something he deserves. you can tell that it's clearly preoccupied him for a while - it's something he's "fascinated" by, he's "admired" people who have done it, he's "always loved it". for both casey and pecco, part of it seems to be about respecting the history of all the blokes who have used the number in the past, like it's an act that pays tribute to that heritage. you'd think this shouldn't have been such a tough choice in the first place, wouldn't you? goes to show how much of a break with tradition it's become - tradition, of course, that was really started by pecco's own mentor. would it be that surprising if that's part of the reason for the reticence? and, at the same time, would it be that surprising that his mentor's long shadow might make him feel like he needs that big and bold number one? what does pecco think it's saying that he went a different way? all this public hand-wringing just because he's breaking a trend
for jorge, the number one plate was a public declaration that he'd made it, naysayers be damned. to pecco, "the number one plate means you need to demonstrate you are number one". it's like giving yourself a point to prove... is it mainly a matter of pride or giving yourself something to live up to? both of them go to great pains to stress their continued attachment to their original number, how they're continuing to integrate it into all their cute designs... and that is something that has changed pretty definitively - not entirely as a result of valentino, but around the same time as valentino emerged as the figurehead of the sport, and he's certainly a big part of it. even the riders who go with the number one still want to have their number and to be known by it. the numbers have become such an integral part of branding and rider identity that riders want to make clear how important they are to them, whether they stick with the number as defending champions or not
at the same time, the fact that taking the number one plate has been de-normalised means that this decision places extra focus on the challenge of defending the title. pecco might not frame his choice in opposition to valentino and marc's to keep their numbers, but he does repeatedly link it to how they alone had been able to win successive titles. for him, then, it becomes an indirect way of living up to a legacy - counterintuitively by doing the opposite of what they did. "since I remember, was just marc and vale have repeated the title" “I thought about it many times this season in all the races we were struggling that the only two riders able to win two years in a row were marc and valentino"... that's what he's trying to live up to, this simultaneous source of inspiration and insecurity. are you lacking confidence if you need to see the number one to believe yourself that you are the number one? or is it conversely shying away from something you have rightfully earned if you can't bring yourself to take the plate? is it an expression of ego if you think your personal number is more meaningful than the number one could ever be? personal branding decisions aside, wouldn't manufacturers much rather you display the number one plate proudly on their bikes?
kind of remarkable, isn't it? it should be such a simple choice... and yet. not only is it now a question of branding and identity, but within motogp it's also become one of how you relate to the legacy of two specific riders. maybe it'll gradually become more common again to take the plate - after all, the curse has now been broken. or maybe it will be the source of much hand-wringing forevermore... we shall see. we shall see
#personally I'd always keep my own number lol. but I also think pecco specifically made a good call#though maybe it would've helped to do a little bit less public introspection and hand wringing and soul searching#poor little ferret wants a number one on his bike. needs to write essays justifying it. buddy it's fine who cares#batsplat responds#//#brr brr#does it bother anyone else that valentino doesn't actually use a continental number seven? no? just me?#some of sheene's 7s didn't have the dash. which. there may be a good reason for this but it doesn't quite feel like ideal branding-wise#taking a massive sharpie to valentino's title winning shirt#incidentally schwantz generally stuck to his 34 until he won the title. thought it interrupted the flow too much to mention it but#current tag#alien tag
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ok there was a poll going around a while ago about whether you think your 5-year-old self would recognize you, and I'm curious:
#polls#poll#heavily encouraging people to elaborate in the tags lol i wanna hear everyones thoughts#i'll start: i'm genuinely not sure#was looking at old photos and... i look really different#there's a photo of me and my brother and one of our cousins and like#we're all in our 20s now and idk if any of us is recognizable lmao#i didnt see that cousin at all from like when he was 13ish to when he was 18ish and i don't think i would have recognized him#i think meeting current me without context would be REALLY uncanny valley for 16-year-old me but idk if he'd catch on#did i know what i looked like well enough to recognize myself?#ahgsdlkkdh if it was fall or winter he might guess just based on clothes. i still wear the same style of button up/sweater combo#it's very Me in a way that i would have instantly clocked. at least in a 'oh nice i'd wear that' way lol#and the fact that we'd be the Same Exact Height would also help#mannerisms and smile and hands and things are the same more than my face is. hence uncanny valley#there's a photo of my dad when he was like 19 where when i saw it i was like ?!??! because he looks like me#he's significantly taller and his face is different and it's just a still image but something about the way he's sitting in the picture#i do that. my posture looks like that.#i think it would feel like that#but the ways in which i look different are like... i'm not sure they're things 16-year-old me would be able to grasp as Possible for him#he knew he was trans but even so#i didn't quite look like i'd figured out how to be a person yet#would pinocchio recognize himself as a Real Boy?#there are a lot of details you can't picture beforehand#idk. but that's my ramble over#personal
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wanna ask how you feel about the eridan bpd headcanon/theory(?? not sure what to call it!) you're so good at your character analysis and i'd love to see your outlook on it
Since I don't have a degree or any formal training in psychology, I feel deeply uncomfortable diagnosing characters. I've made an autism joke before but only because I'm on the spectrum. He's definitely traumatized and anxious, but I mean those as descriptors of his behavior rather than capital-D Diagnoses. I try to focus on those when I can - the cause and effect of cognition, self-image, and behavior - and those factors may very well match up with DSM criteria, but I try not to touch an actual diagnosis with a ten foot pole unless the author has explicitly stated that X character has Y condition.
#there's a variety of reasons for this#part of it is that im GROSSLY unqualified to be handing out diagnoses when it takes a full on PhD to do that in real life#part of it is that psychology is inchoate and we are still very much in murky waters#for example: complex ptsd isn't even IN the DSM yet#and iirc my therapist told me it was because theyre still figuring out how to classify it (attachment disorder? trauma disorder? etc.)#part of it is that (from my limited and undereducated understanding) there are diagnoses that you can assign by completing a checklist...#but some that require a hell of a lot more testing and ruling out other potential causes#and the cluster-b personalities are (IIRC) not even ones you're supposed to diagnose minors with#bc of fears of self fulfilling prophecy and because minors in general are still developing personalities In General#and like the fact that i can't say that with authority speaks to how unqualified i am to do any diagnosing right? hahaha#and part of it is just because like#unless the story is specifically About That and the author has stated so explicitly#i think diagnosing characters tends to put blinders on analysis#like if i were to seriously go 'eridan is autistic' then it would massively bias my reading and understanding of his character#and we have 0 indication that eridan was ever explicitly intended to be autistic or that the author was trying to do an autism specifically#that doesn't mean that the reading is invalid because like thats what death of the author means#all readings are technically valid including stuff the author didn't necessarily intend#but that's just not the way i like to engage with media and not the way i like to approach character analysis#because PERSONALLY it just feels kind of reductive - but also -#i'd wager MOST of us don't have degrees in psychology#so when i say 'X character has Y condition' it might mean something totally different to somebody reading my analysis#even people who have Y condition aren't exempt because a lot of mental illnesses differ from person to person#whereas if i explain “X character has Y thoughts and Z behaviors” there's no ambiguity in that#eridan struggles with noticing that people are suffering and with realizing that he should care#at least part of this is due to his horrific murder-filled upbringing which rendered empathy a detriment & so he learned to ignore it#it could be autism - but it could also be trauma -#or he might just be Like That without actually meeting the diagnostic criteria for autism#& you can't even technically be diagnosed with C-PTSD#or maybe he has a burgeoning personality disorder but you aren't supposed to DX those too early anyway#or maybe hes just 13. see what i mean hahaha. ive reached the 30 tag limit
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this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 👑👑
#yes this is a nel/vas drawing get off me😂#text#i wanted everyone to see it but also since i draw on paper in total silence i think a lot about everything so i wanted to voice some -#- thoughts too's. tbh i've been veeery self indulgent lately#actually i'm happy that n*lv*s is getting actual hits out of me that i like looking at#especially on-paper stuff that i can recall being fun for me to draw. all traditional art is fun to draw#and digital has turned into an actual task for me (only sometimes tho maybe i;m lying.. mspaint we're still bffs)#i think i just don't see the joy in trying to scrap up a ''' finished ''' piece in an art program .. pencil i love you and i love the -#- feeling of it scratching along the paper....sigh............ Rabu#i don't want my blog or thoughts to turn into traditional art suck-off ventures bc ik not everyone can get into it for many possible -#- reasons but if u feel like it U can ok? do it for Pencil✏️ and for me? for silusvesuius? 𝖎 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚#but Lord i hope i don't also come off as one of those people that r like 'to improve in art just draw that one fictional character u -#- rly like 😂😂' bruh gtfo my face with that.#i'm noticing 'improvement' in my stuff mainly...i think... because i'm always striving to impress#not so much other people that are here just for my art but more so myself#i have a very huge ego (Mind Battle)#also it makes me sad to think about how big egos or genuine (not obnoxious) flauntiness are looked down on#and i can tell bc i used to look down on people that would express the things i'm expressing now#especially in art focused spaces. now i'd rather be in a circle of artists that love to J*rk off their own brain for it's ideas -#-and talent than be w/ very self-conscious artists that are never expressing pride about any of their work#worse if it's to the point where they actively start to fish for compliments bc of it#fishing for compliments is always OK i just wish it didn't stem from insecurity in that context if that makes sense#but maybe that's very easy for me to say and admit bc i did develop a very big ego around my art and ... Creativity? like it's a sims skill#not that i still don't seek out 'attention' or compliments from others to soothe myself but hmmmmmm i hope u feel me.#it just turns me into a very competitive person#who am i competing with? Myself#i'm always in 'you can do better Because you're YOU' mode#which is much better i believe than comparing yourself 2 other artists#i don't think a lot of people read my tag ramblings but if u do i wonder how one feels about a very pompous artist#like me .......(?)
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object show characters being named as their own objects might strike you as odd, but is it really that strange? with humans, differentiating each other using names is necessary. we're all "humans," so there's not much to name off of. physical features, maybe, but people can often share those...
however, with objects, there's a clear distinction to name someone after. and, why do names exist? to distinguish people from one another. why would you make a name, when there's already a perfectly good one right there? and sure, there's people who are the same object, but there's people with the same name too. they'd probably get nicknames/slightly different names... besides, that's why surnames exist.
#wheucto#wheucto speaks#osc#object show community#Be subjected to my thoughts.#<- /silly#tags don't add onto my point at all i just wanted to ramble about how names might work in an objects' universe#though this doesn't mean human-esque given names can't exist... like_ nobility tended to have a bunch of names... there might be something#- similar there? like they had non-object names#also for someone super well known like royalty_ it's probably important to distinguish them from other objects of the same kind#also for patronymics/matronymics... theres going to be people named something like [object] treeson or like featherson... thats so silly#in this system_ it would be very possible for someone to be named “feather featherson”#bc your parents wouldn't really choose your name#also i like to imagine an america (US that is) where they just have crazy names bc they wanted to be able to choose their own#since the nobility and royalty had names but the commoners didn't...#i dont know if that would be likely but i think it would be fun!!!#also since it'd be a movement started by like_ adults... it would mostly be people choosing their own name... which (i think) would lead -#- into a society where people are typically expected to choose their names#(maybe parents would name their children... but it'd be accepted if they later changed their name...)#(though i'd imagine being called like your object name as a child could be kind of weird... but who's to say people wouldn't like their -#- object names?)#and like... if you're choosing your own name. imagine you're like twelve. you'd probably like name yourself after like a character or -#- something similarly stupid. like internet names_ except it's real life!#also i wonder how gendered names would be? i mean_ they could probably develop somewhat similarly to human names?#and i wonder about if there's like a difference between how... um... upper class people with names (in non-US countries) and americans -#- treat names... like for an american maybe_ being called by your name (or its derivatives) even among close ones is the norm#but elsewhere it's common (for those with names) to be referred to by your object when you're close to them
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Oooh, definitely glee for the fandom asks! <3
Always with the hornets' nests with these ones, I see! Though i don't think there's a fandom out there that isn't in some way a hornets' nest once it gets large enough... hm. Alright. I'm just gonna be as honest as i can be about this, and tag accordingly.
Glee:
my favourite female character: augh. argh. ouph. so difficult. so hard. Since I'm working off of half-remembered show and half recently-rewatched show... its a tossup. Mercedes, Santana, Quinn. Probably Mercedes. She did nothing wrong ever in her entire life <3 well okay maybe except that one time she smashed kurt's car windows (but it was a banger song, though). Can't say Santana because of the Biphobia TM and other things like excessive use of bigotry-based insults, and Quinn. Oh god girl. Cheating is not cool! Funnily enough! So I find them really interesting but 'favourite' is hard to say. Mercedes. Mercedes for sure <3
my favourite male character: Blaine sam blaine sam blaine sam yes. I am imitating ripping petals off of flowers and coming to a conclusion based on which is the last name i said. So I guess that means Sam! But really this is a tie.
my favourite book/season/etc: Mannnnn idk. I don't like shows for seasons as-a-whole. Also i could not tell you what happened in any given season if you held a gun to my head. I'm not good at that. The only shows i know 'seasons' of are Buffy and Teen Wolf because i've watched them like 100000000000 times (exaggeration) for various reasons (mostly fanfiction research).
my favourite episode (if its a tv show): I can tell you my LEAST favourite episode (blame it on the alcohol, thank you Kurt king of biphobia! this is a persona foible it's not the worst episode in the show. by far. by far. it's kind of an average one. I'm just angry at it.) BUT er. Favourite? Idk. Genuinely some of the earlier Kurt-centric stuff was really well done (his convo with Burt... <3) and the Quinn giving birth accompanied by bohemian rhapsody was obviously iconic, but if I'll be honest I couldn't name any episodes of this show (other than That One previously stated, anyway). And yeah most of the time they were named after song titles and No i don't remember those song titles either. I'm just so bad at this. My memory is that of a goldfish's being haphazardly bounced around on a sieve.
my favourite cast member: it would be really funny if I said Demi Lovato [she counts!] but the truth is N/A: i don't know these people !!! They are strangers!! (i don't. follow celebrities. at all. I couldn't even name most of them. They're just people doing a job and their lives are irrelevant to me beyond their ability to perform that job well. I do not need to know where they live and what coffee they drink. Stalker shit tbh. I'm kind of a very private person myself, so rpf-adjacent stuff just... creeps me out. I've never watched a single cast interview in my lifetime and I'm not about to start!)
my favourite ship: Difficult to say! Grave and obvious lie. Blam. It's blam. Quintana is a close runner up though Santana really needs to stop dating people who cheat on the regular (I'll accept Quinn has grown enough not to do this by the time a Quintana coupling would be viable - and satisfying in terms of character arcs - narratively speaking).
a character I’d die defending: Blaine Anderson did something wrong for sure but like Kurt did it first so shrugs. Cancels out. Bad for each other! Case closed!
a character I just can’t sympathize with: genuinely don't remember if I had one of those the first time around because I was like 10 and just didn't pay attention if I didn't care, but Terri and her racist self take that 'prize' this time, alongside the obvious predator in the room [original choir teacher. Sandy? I forget his name immediately after hearing it. He doesn't deserve to be remembered]. Also JBI is just.... a yikes character all around. I mean, he's a blatant stereotype for one, in a the people who wrote this person don't like jews kind of way. Unfortunately common stereotype too, for the era, so not only is he that, he's also lazy. Just a one-note pervert who's the butt of various antisemitic 'jokes' you've heard from era-peer shows a million times over, tired and awful and a sour reminder of bigotry that continues to this day. Really regrettable character who's lack of redeeming qualities was probably purposeful. (I know Rachel and tina are also jewish, but this comes up very rarely and mostly only when santana needs to say something kind of fucked up, as is her modus operandi, for 'comic relief'. Tina's jewish-ness wasn't even canon for several seasons, because she didn't have a surname or a family or anything resembling complex character depth for several seasons. The one time I really remember Rachel's religion being important was when she was pressuring Kurt into believing in some kind of god, which??? don't do that. Bad example. Trying to guilt trip a friend into faith sucks. I take back what i said earlier Mercedes did that too. Boo. Girls try again that was a bad showing all around. Though i have no idea why Kurt went the acupuncture route as his 'secular' option but i think that has to do a lot with the writers doing literally no research ever once in their lives (you can tell they don't by the way they write the football segments of the show, which make no sense according to football fans who watch Glee, of which there are numerous because real life isn't like fiction where you can only like music or sports. Most of the kids in my school year were doing the most of everything ever if they were the 'popular' ones - we do that differently; popularity isn't really based on who know know; for some bizzare reason literally everyone knew who I was? Even people I'd never spoken to?? - but more about like... how much you can do, I guess. Overachievers, but I'm not saying that negatively; these people were generally - generally - very nice, and surprisingly chill for people who had no spare time whatsoever. I'm not entirely sure when they slept; A* across the board, at least one sport, at least one instrument, several extracurriculars, parties every weekend, dozens of friends and an s.o. . Eh? Way too much going on. Scary lifestyle! Impressive burnout rate, probably. Er. Tangent! Back to the scheduled programming).) There's uhhhh there's a lot of bad characters on the show, but i'd say Sandy and Terri and her equally but more loudly racist sister are truly completely irredeemable ones. Like they're not interesting or anything, they're just there to be narrative annoyances (which, in the case of Sandy specifically, is insane. Arrest that man!!! He has actively sexually assaulted minors!!!).
a character I grew to love: difficult to say because I tend to just make an opinion and stick to it. Also i don't remember who i liked at first and who i didn't, this show came out when i was eight. I didn't watch it until I was a little older than that, of course, but I frankly have spotty memory until my late teens, so! I'm not sure!! Quinn, probably. Pink-hair-era Quinn helped me understand her more, and seeing the moments of kindness hidden behind practical cruelty, when you understand her family and situation, makes things make a lot more sense. It takes a lot to get me to sympathise with a cheater, but I can see where Quinn was getting all turned around in her head about life because of her upbringing and socialisation, not to mention the profoundly negative impact cheerios had on her mentally and that the school's culture in general was not exactly a breeding ground for empathy and optimism.
my anti otp: can you tell (klaine). I don't dislike Kurt!!! Please let him have a fun chillaxed boyfriend in new york with his vogue friends. But also please stop attempting to control other people's diets thank you!! Thank you!! I'm of mixed feelings. Blaine and Kurt both did at least one bad, relationship-ending thing, and proved over and over again that they just weren't on the same wavelength in regards to life goals and ways of living it. They can't even share the same living space, which is kind of required for a functional marriage. I don't know, it just seems like they settled for their first proper, serious boyfriend even if that's not really the best match, and I... wish they'd just got to see more of life first, you know? They got married at like 20! Or something! I'm 23, I cannot imagine getting married at 20. That's a baby. Let them live first!
(same for Santana and Brittney, imo. I also don't really like them together because Santana and Brittney have very different ideas regarding monogamy, which is just never going to go down well in the long run. If your girl cheats on you like twenty times and tells you to your face its not cheating in her view of things, but you think it is, break up with her because you'll just make each other miserable. Brittney sort of seems incapable of feeling guilt but if she were, this kind of moral pressure would be Not Good, and obviously Santana isn't comfortable with the idea and doesn't have to be!! Just move on!!! Find other people!!!! Don't marry your first girlfriend if you've broken up like ten times this is simple!!!! Please!!!! But Klaine wins out over Brittana because - in my opinion, glee fandom please do not persecute me, I am known for this specific thing - I see... interactions that verge on abusive between Klaine that I don't see in Brittana. So. Oof? Ex; use of public perception to disguise attack; deliberately hurting Blaine in a stage-combat fencing match (you are not meant to make actual contact in these) and thus using Blaine's own dislike of making his difficulties common knowledge against him in order to 'punish' him. This is no good! Don't do this!!.[Also just to err vaguepost about a comment.... that is. not. what i would call passive aggressive. Physically attacking someone with a sword - no matter the type of sword, fencing foils hurt just as much, they're just not stab-you sharp... er, these days - is just straight-up aggressive.]).
Note that negative things stick in the mind better than positive ones; on a rewatch I may well alter my opinion!
But also I'm really, really stubborn. So it's not likely. Klaine.
#how the fuck do i tag this#glee#glee shite#ask game#anti-klaine#anti-brittana#anti-kurt#though it isn't because i do like him genuinely one of the better characters. he just... doesn't treat blaine great because they're#fundamentally incompatible romantically. and that's fine! but taking this out on each other isn't.#augh. i hate talking about controversial shit a;lksfja;slkf i used to get So Scared of anon hate mobs you have no idea#if i thought something could get that i simply would never ever not one even dare to think it. let alone say it online in a private forum#(dms with my friends) or god forbid a public post#so. this is growth!#you could say i just got a really weird form of catholic guilt about dissenting from public opinion when i was like 14. you'd also probably#be correct! As I was catholic. And all. Not very devout mind you (did not. go to church.) but still#anyways.#... there's so much i could say about brittany as a character but i'd have to rewatch to make sure i was being accurate about her.#so much that isn't exactly glowing commendation. to be clear.#augh. this show gives me so many very very mean thoughts about it. because it does things so very meanly most of the time#it handles beaste well. Coach Beaste is great. 11/10 character#but so much other stuff it gets just so wrong. just so wrong#(also i never finished the show. actually like genuinely i just missed a whole portion of it. so if they fuck up Beaste at some point I hav#not seen I'll be really really mad.)#(I found out about some of the later events-second hand. i don't 100% know how the brittana marriage goes down but i just... don't like it#as a concept. like at all. they're too young and too unstable for that shit.)#(basically; towards the end i was still watching the show on tv. so i missed whole swathes of episodes thanks to how tv works. do not miss#that headache!)#augh. i should shut up now and go to bed. midnight.)#<3 thanks for the ask! Hope i didn't say anything you disagree with too strongly...
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on this day a year ago I drew guillermo de la cruz as a mint green bunny
1 year later I've now drawn a fuck ton of bunny drawings and ended up accidentally improving my pixel art along the way
happy birthday to bunny guillermo and my wwdits bunny drawings!
oh yeah also
happy 5 year anniversary of the premier of what we do in the shadows!!!
didn't plan to have them share a birthday but hey ain't that a funny coincidence LMFAO
#the cupcake was made (messily) by nandor#oh and fun fact those sprinkles use almost every wwdits bunny color#it doesn't have nandor's color but that's cause I used it for the frosting#what we do in the shadows#wwdits#wwdits fanart#guillermo de la cruz#*funny tag for my art*#bun stuff#I genuinely thought when I first drew memo bunny that maybe I'd draw a few more bunny drawings then move on#cuz I thought people would think this is werd#welp I'm glad I didn't stop drawing these characters as bunnies cuz 1 I've improved my art A LOT thanks to it#and 2 I now know people really fucking love them :3
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More misc. daily life pictures and such
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1 & 2 - Very bright pretty looking sky !#2. HUGE icicle that looked like you could kill someone with it or something.. Pulled from near a gutter on the side of a building#3. & 4 & 5 - various images from a silly party I had where I pretended to be some elf king turning like 204 years old lol (also not like#a REAL party. Only my roommates were there really and we're all in the same household bubble.#just to clarify. I would never dare have a large party anyway given#my hermitous nature but on top of that.. didn't want there to be some implication that I'm having a Party while covid is still ongoing lol.#NEVER.. But I do love dressing up as some fantasy character so much.. The only thing that could ever bring a true hermit wizard#to engage with others socially is the prospect of connecting it somehow to fantasy worlds and costumes lol. One must simply dress up#as a silly 200 year old man from time to time and pretend you've never seen a balloon before in your life. etc.#6. bapy boye... feets#7. The main food that I made for the elderly elf man 'party'. which was a Deconstructed Beef Wellington (kind of as ajoke since I watch s#o many silly cooking competition shows and they always make stuff 'deconstructed' at the last minute when under time limits or whatever.)#I've wanted to make beef wellington a few times but Ithink to do it well I'd need like..an actual kitchen and a lot of time and#an oven that fully works to bake things and etc. etc. So I thought this would be an easier method. A thick steak cut round to kind of mimi#c the round tenderloin or whatever it is in a wellington. instead of the puff pastry being wrapped around - I just did star shaped cut outs#of pastry and baked them and put them on top (to go with the star theme). instead of mushroom duxelles being wrapped around in pastry#its in a little circle under the steak. and instead of mustard being brushed onto the meat I made a mustard gravy sauce type of thing#Then of course asparagus on the side.. my favorite... Though I know some wellington#also has a layer of prosciutto I think. or I saw one person use crepes. I didn't feel it was necessary to incorporate that too lol#8. bapy son helping me do a giant puzzle that took me hours and I had no idea it was actually that large of a puzzle#until I started putting it together and for some reason it made me stressed by the end instead of relaxed lol.. puzzle fatigue#photo diary
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I agree with you about Capcom bringing Nash back for SF6! I even made a post in my Threads account about him if Bison comes back, then there is a chance he might return! Please Capcom! Bring my boy back in the series! You been neglecting him for far too long!
I could go on about how I think they could bring Nash back in SF6 for AGES. The sheer fact that F.A.N.G. lived and is in SF6 (Fang Fei/Foo, A.K.I.'s master) makes me think that Nash probably survived his bout with Bison in some degree and could come back but there's so many ways they can go about it they could make it really insane if they wanted to.
They could have the Secret Society/Illuminati revive him again to use as an agent to gain ground against Shadaloo and potentially leverage Gill/the Society into higher threat standing (villain).
They could tie Darkstalkers semi-into Street Fighter and say that the Nash we would see is him after escaping the Makai and give him some more wacky magic-like powers (and give Darkstalkers fans like myself some more crumbs to survive on for a while lol).
They could lean into the Nash/Shadow setup from Marvel vs. Capcom and say that Shadaloo had/has him and the Nash we get to see is totally brainwashed into servitude by Bison or has escaped his brainwashing but like Cammy has no memories of his past. Or hell, just bring 'Shadow' back and it's just Nash but under a different name with different goals in mind!
But those are just my ideas after all.
Capcom needs to give us Nash STAT. I need to see my boy again!
(Also as an aside I love your art <3 )
#I'd love to know more about your ideas on how Nash could return ladydbzelle btw! <3#the disappointment speaks#not me going off on a tangent about ideas for how capcom can put nash in a game lol.#give! me! more! of! my! boy!#we cannot just have nash appear in like 2 canonical stories (sfa3's ending for him being non canon) and in both he fucking dies like come o#like bosht is dead in canon we see him die and he dead fr after the explosion because he's crispy#its heavily implied that akuma finally killed gen in sf5 too but its not explicitly stated its very clear he should be dead#nash? there was a big energy explosion and his dog tags he wasnt wearing fell to the ground#we see no corpse... unless we include 'living' nash as a corpse haha lol undead guy joke#so by technicality and the fact that nash said his body was deteriorating which I think is kind of strange given bison can revive with ease#like bison's revivals are stunted by his psycho power if I recall correctly. nash has the opposite of that in sf5#if anything by that logic nash should be immortal but instead he's dying rapidly? seems odd#my thought from other game logic is nash is either not nash but rather some 'Eleven' type entity disguised as nash and has no idea#or like a poorly made clone using old dna from nash's body that was deteriorating rapidly due to that fact.#or maybe it was nash but he didn't die completely in the explosion of energy but rather was severely injured and on death's door again#either way our boy aint dead until capcom shows me his corpse#also I want to see how guile would react to see his dead buddy again after he dies for the second time. lets make it a third. come on.#it could be so funny capcom you have no idea.#I went off in the tags lmao I should stop yakking and get to doing other things lmao#I may just be caught up on F.A.N.G. somehow surviving getting his ass beat TWICE in quick succession and falling AND the collapse of Shadal
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breakups are so fucking weird. three years and just like that it's gone. huh
#helix.txt#gross i ended up spilling my guts in tags. look at them fucking writhing on the floor all bloody#dont rb please#vent#to quote fall out boy i knew it was over i just didn't know the date#yeah that's it. fall out boy can fix this.#i will feel better if i go listen to bang the doldrums#and infinity on high in general#and folie a deux. folie a fucking deux how i love that album#my chem will make me better. gerard way save me#god what a weird feeling. you used to know me better than any other person but then you moved hundreds of miles away and it worked#for a while. then two years later you said it wasnt working and that this was best for both of us. guess i never got the memo for that one#hope we treat other people better because i wasn't as kind as i should have been towards the end and you were never as thoughtful or con-#-siderate as i needed towards the end. we grew apart because you're bad at keeping contact over messaging#and in some ways the cracks in the foundation that grew from that were my fault too i guess. our conversations always felt one sided#maybe i was smothering you#you could never seem to keep more than a passing recollection of the things i liked or even pay much attention to them#but i wasn't great about that either#we just became different people. you weren't what i wanted or needed and you couldn't do long distance. whatever#i know it was the right thing i just wish it hadn't made me feel so damn awful#will we still talk after this? who knows. we didn't end on bad terms but things are definitely weird#and considering your track record with people you can only talk to online i'm not optimistic#you tried to break things off initially by saying you'd said you would improve in the past with nothing to show for it#something i didn't disagree with but i said it didn't bother me much. and it didn't#but it's complicated now. i did deserve better. but you made it clear i'm not getting it from you#you weren't as present or thoughtful as i needed#i wasn't there in person the way you needed and certainly not as considerate as i should have been. and for that second part i'm truly sorr#anyways. sorry. i'd been thinking about it for a long time anyway. i didn't want to admit it because i didn't like to think#about what it might bring. maybe i should have been braver#right. that's enough
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did you see that tony grayson posted a video of somebody dressed up as anton riding a mechanical bull on twitter. incredible things are happening in the world around us every day
Woah........
#I don't. really know what sort of a response to give for this ask. so I'm putting a long string of various thoughts in the tags#1) I am not a twitter user so I didn't see it before but now I have!!!! real.#2) that could be canon to me. he would do that. I'd like to say ''but he'd probably be better at it'' but I don't think that's true#drunk off his ass trying to ride a mechanical bull and his head is fucking spinning afterwards 😔😔😔#3) mechanical bulls that let you use both hands are CHEATING!!!!!! raise one hand NOW!!!!!#<- I don't actually care but it's funny to bring up. plus the traditional bull riding pose looks better imo#holding on two-handed looks very goofy to me ajhfksjfk#4) love that this ask was sent to me. I love it when people are like ''woah new anton thing I better go tell roswell''#but at the same time... VERY funny that this was sent to my selfship blog specifically. instead of just my regular antօn.blαst blog#anonymous were you expecting a more selfshipper-type response? I'm curious...#5) kinda wanna see art of in-universe anton bull riding now. I suppose I could be the one to do this but I am low on art spoons 😔#perhaps one day...#ANYWAY that's all#roz posts#asks
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Tonight, right now, not even ten minutes ago, might have been the closest I got to an outright hatecrime
#morningtalks#Ask to tag#<- I have no clue what I'd have to tag this tbh#But for the story.#Me and my friend (crush) are walking at two am after quite the night. I am fully sober but she's got a few drinks and is just tired now#Like we're walking in silence she's just done type of tired#(part of me worries I was too in love with her tonight but I will do my best to rationalize it as Her Being Tired and not my fault somehow)#But yeah we're walking there and we see/hear a bunch of guys that are clearly not on their first drink#They plan to go to the bar we were so I'm glad we left but they are full on far right singing slogans about getting the leftists out#We cross each other on the street and they immediately begin asking us if we're lefties but then they see my pins#And the fact that we're two girls walking alone and assume we're both lesbians#Ify I obviously am. I have Pins lmao but my crush is not (?)#But yeah I had heard their slogans from afar and had already grabbed my scissors discretely in case something happened#I was genuinely just getting myself ready to fight them all just to leave my friend a chance to run if possible#But I was genuinely scared for her (and also for me but I have a bad habit of prioritizing others' wellbeing and especially here)#So they think we're lesbians and immediately start yelling they don't like lesbians and some other hurtful stuff#But it didn't fully enter my brain. I genuinely don't care#But I was still very afraid they DO something#Luckily they just walked away and we were left in peace but I was genuinely ready to do literally anything to not let my friend get hurt#By these men#I might see her a bit tomorrow. Probably not a lot but we'll see each other#And she doesn't seem to mind too much (she thought we'd see each other next week for class obviously and said “til next week”#(translated quite literally))#I thanked her for the evening still but I genuinely think she just needs to sleep and I don't have to overthink everything that happened#In the end#The first hours of the night were AMAZING though. Genuinely never been closer to her than there I adored every second of it#(and the other people were fun too but. She. Yano)#Anyways I have a thing at 11 I'll go sleep before being fully dead for that thing#But I might genuinely have a delayed reaction on those last events tomorrow#But now I gotta sleep too
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(tw discussion of self harm/wound care)
Took the gauze off this thing to change it and it immediately fuckin opened wide the fuck up again. Had to use butterfly bandages to get it to even stop fuckin bleeding. And my parents come home tmrw night. Chat am I cooked here (rhetorical. I am absolutely cooked)
#I didn't wanna use em bcuz A) we only have two and I think my parents will notice they're missing. and B) they apparently reduce the-#-severity of the scarring which. as fucked up as it is. is smth I Don't want.#I'm hoping it'll close up enough I can take it off asap and get the best of both worlds lmao#like. the thought of having it as wide as it is with the gauze over it gives me the ick bcuz of all the fibres getting in there#but also I want the scar to stay as wide as it currently is. which I know is fucked up but oh well#at least I won't have to deal with hiding it once I move into the apartment in August#as much as I'd like to not have this issue by August. I've had it for like 6 years and counting so Ayo I'm just tryna b safe with it#also my brain is like. haha like the fob song. my brother in Christ fob didn't invent butterfly closures. ur brainworms r showing.#I should prolly stop posting abt this shit on here but like. I don't have anyone else to talk abt it with so I'm yelling into the void yknow#hopefully I do a good enough job trigger-tagging it so nobody's getting bothered /gen#armchair speaks#blood mention#injury mention#tw sh#tw self harm#tw graphic
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my art stuff has been updated!
i've finally updated my art blog which is @hell0megart so if you only want to see my art related stuff, feel free to follow that instead! since i use my main to post... well. everything.
but i also updated my description to have that linked as well as my art tag for on this blog if you ever just wanna check to see if you missed anything! i will be posting more, i have some stuff in the works as well as just straight up done and just need the forthright to post it lol
ive privated a bunch of old stuff but there's plenty there to peruse. i haven't been super active over the years despite calling myself an illustrator but. you know how it is
#ive thought about using the other blog for sketches but i think i'd end up reblogging it here anyway so why does it matter lol#i'm gonna try to be vigilant in making sure everything is also reblogged over there#may talk about stuff in the tags if i didn't get to it on the main post but#it'll just be a way to separate everything easier!#my art#it fucks me up that tumblr changed the tag url thing to actually having spaces?? i guess too many people used dashes for things
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