#(that's a tag i didn't think i'd have to use for my thoughts on this ffs)
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for requests. . . how about an x reader where reader pegs Ford 👀? Is he open to the idea?
Oh I think we can arrange such a thing! >:) Hope you enjoy!
Ford x F!Reader | In Theory and in Practice
Notes/tags: Ford and reader have some limited past experiences, but tried to keep it a little vague. That said though, I do allude to them to be both bi/had experiences with someone of the same sex as them. Anal smut, some Dom/sub dynamics and switching.
NSFW 18+ below cut, so MDNI!
The subject comes up from you, the conversations you get into around pleasure with Ford often end up in the logical sphere, starting lightly before anything more heated can arise. It was something to enjoy about your partnership, comforting in the pragmatic and somewhat direct, open way in which Ford spoke about such things. It reduced both of your anxieties and any reservations that you had about bringing up anything that you wanted.
Your partner still got flustered, however, and you were a little tentative in how you brought up this next subject.
"I never got to try it in any of my other relationships with men, some seem to think it's not important to involve the prostate in sex."
"The prostate when stimulated gives men pleasure, so I see no reason why it should not be, um, paid attention to. I certainly haven't had any reservations when I have been on my own, in the past."
"And with others?"
Ford did blush a little at this. "In relationships with other men, yes. And with you."
"Yes, but technically it was you who was doing it, Ford." You paused to take a breath before asking your next question. "What if I did?"
Your partner looked stunned, rubbing the back of his neck. "I guess I'd never thought about it before?"
You ask him if he ever heard of pegging, he hadn't and you did your best to lay out what it meant, slowly, despite your eagerness at Ford's receptiveness, so far.
"But how would you...?" Was one of his questions and you couldn't help but giggle. You knew he didn't like to be on the backfoot or feel that you were laughing at his expense, but how could you not help but be amused by his perplexed expression, his innocence when it came to the gaps in his knowledge?
"Oh Ford, have I not told you yet about the wonders of silicone?!"
Ford didn't take long to mull over the decision on whether he would like to explore it, in fact, you knew him to be as eager as you were, despite never knowing about pegging before bringing it up, though none of this should have surprised you, you thought, looking back on it. Ford wasn't a stereotypical man and did not have many qualms when it came to experiencing new things. All the more reason you were excited! Though you knew that he was going to take his time with researching it, but you could wait.
As the days passed he added his small questions about what you had planned, one here, one there. He would hum and nod and maybe ask for more clarification or an adjustment. In fact, he inisted that you practice putting the strap on you ordered, once it came.
"Can I see it?"
"I think the straps are too tight, how do I-?" You were glancing around for the instructions, to see Ford already had them to hand.
"Here, like this." He gently tugs on the threads and it loosens, relieving the indents that were already appearing over your skin.
Self consciousness ate at you, unable to hide that you felt so clueless you let out a nervous laugh. "I'm sorry! This is... it just feels silly!"
"It is a little bizarre!" Ford joins in with your laughter. "But preparation makes all the difference, my dear."
Once it came to the moment, however, Ford had forgotten what a disparity there was between theory and practice! It had been so long since he had ever been in this position (metaphorically, rather than physically in the same position... but, you get the idea!) and he was starting to remember how vulnerable it can feel...
You've been working him open steadily, using plenty of lube that you kept beside you, Ford encouraging you and helping direct your movements to what he found most pleasurable, voice strained already.
He could feel that pressure and heat from how you slide in, one of your hands coming to soothingly rub at his back, reminding him to relax into it, to adjust. When he gives you encouragement to move, he can feel your form pressing into his. Your hold on him was so gentle, the tenderness made him feel like he was adrift.
He cried out as you set a firmer pace and you stilled for a moment.
"Ford?"
He groaned. "Keep... keep going, baby."
Ford reaches round to find your hand and you let him intertwine your fingers together, placing your hand further forward so the hold would be comfortable.
"You're doing so well. You know that?" You placed kisses over his shoulder before resuming your steady pace. " So good for me, Ford."
The toy that you had gotten was one that had an end that sat just inside your entrance, the pressure of it working you up. Arousal pooling in your belly as you thrust your hips into him.
He looked so beautiful underneath you, his back arched. God, he was a sight to behold. And so you told him, words spoken as you caught your breath. Knowing the words were affecting him from experience if not from the way his breathing changed, those little noises he made that you so desperately wanted to hear, the ones that went straight to your core.
You were taking your time though and Ford began to rock back into your touch, impatient.
Ford whined your name, turning his head, pupils blown wide. "Don't hold back."
It was somewhat rare that he ever got into an impatient mood, the man was unflappable most of the time. A wicked smile started to spread across your face as you tapped at his side, getting to move upwards, into more of a sitting position before grabbing a fistful of his hair, pulling him back into your chest, an arm coming to rest across his broad chest as he squirmed.
"What was that, hm?"
"Ah, please! Please, I want you to touch me, please."
"So polite." You said teasingly.
Adjusting your grip on his hair your pace became firmer, hand roaming down his chest to touch his achingly hard cock.
"That's it." Ford's moans were rising into a delicious background orchestra and you prided yourself on the knowledge that you had worked him up so much.
"W-wait! I want to see you when I- want to touch you, please?" His voice wavered, unsure of his own wants when he was so close to the edge.
"This is about you, Ford." You considered for a moment. "But you can turn around, if you wish."
It was a more awkward shuffle compared to the last, but the break in the tension didn't last long; the heat rising to your face as you saw how wrecked Ford looked, hair stuck up at different angles. Legs rising to wrap around you, the muscles there flexing against your hips. You wondered what you must've looked like to him in such a position, when the roles were reversed. Was this why he liked it?
Ford was practically melting into the mattress by the time your hands were on him again. That first rate brain of his switching off thoughts and transferring to focus on pleasure. He pulled you in so that he could kiss you, in between your praises and moans.
"So good for me, darling."
"Such a good boy."
"Fuck, cum for me!"
Eyes focused on your angelic face above him, he came. His release coating his stomach, and your hand, still firm on his cock as he rode his orgasm out with a shuddering moan.
Pulling out, you collapsed onto the bed, exhausted, letting Ford take over. First wiping you both down, then releasing you from the strap, soon replacing the end of the toy with his fingers, his mouth grazing your breast hungrily as he laid beside you.
He cursed under his breath. "Oh, sweetheart, you're soaked."
Hot kisses trailed across your skin. "You don't have to. T-this, mmn, was about you."
He tutted, a glint entering his eyes. "But I thought I was your good boy. Don't you want me to make you cum? You've gotten so wet for me."
You whimpered, answering with a nod as you carded hand through his hair, gently, this time.
#stanford pines x reader#stanford pines x you#ford pines x reader#ford pines x you#ford pines smut#gravity falls fanfiction#celebration request#pix replies
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always am obsessed with motorsport champions that decide to run the number 1 plate vs those who’ve stuck with their number. because it reveals so much of each of their inner philosophies, whether they are deeply superstitious, or seek a tangible everyday proof of their victory, or concerned with branding/legacies, or trampling the inner critic that believed deep inside of them that they were cut out to be a champion. just so interesting to parse through possible motivations
you're so right anon!!
of course, a big part of it is historical context... you can't really disentangle the choice of whether to run the number one plate or not from the era within which they made said choice. until fairly recently, it was entirely the norm to pick the number one plate - and beyond that, even those who didn't finish in first tended to just adopt the number that represented the place they had finished in during the previous year's championship. so for instance in 1987, gardner was first, mamola second, lawson third, haslam fourth, macckenzie fifth, and so on. in 1988, gardner ran the number 1 plate... mamola 2, lawson 3, haslam 4, mackenzie 5, etc etc. the only champion who broke with tradition was british racer barry sheene (500cc champion in 1976 and 1977), known for being a rebel - and even the styling of his iconic number 7 was apparently a wee bit controversial:
sheene stuck with the 7 both after his formula 750 title and then after his two 500cc titles:
there's some ways in which sheene is kinda the prototype of the modern rider, and he was the first to reap the benefits of having a distinctive number associated with him
in the eighties and nineties, it was all back to number one plates - but then of course another rider decided to break with tradition
incidentally, the generally purported story for why valentino took the number 46 is that it was his father's number. if his autobiography is to be believed, the truth is a little different:
I am Valentino. Graziano chose that name for me because he wanted to honour the memory of his best friend, who drowned at sea, near Pesaro, at the age of eighteen. The fact that St Valentine's Day is just two days before my birthday was also a reason. Number 46 originated when I raced minibikes. I was on a team with two kids from Gatteo a Mare, Marco and Maurizio Pagano. They are the brothers who lent me the Aprilia 125, which I used for my debut at Misano. All three of us had number 46 because we raced in three different categories. They too loved Japan and Japanese riders. One day we were mesmerised by a wild-card entrant at the Japanese Grand Prix who pulled off the most amazing tricks and seemed to have no fear whatsoever. He was number 46. And from that day on, so were we. For me, that lasted until I moved up to the Italian championship and, later, the European series. But when I finally made it to the world championship, I was asked to choose a number. I discovered that 46 was Graziano’s number when he won his first Grand Prix on a Morbidelli 250cc, back in 1979. Which was the year I was born. That’s why I decided that I, too, would be number 46. For me that number represents my career and, partly, my life. It certainly symbolises my massive, incredible, adventure.
so valentino was only the second premier class rider who stuck with his number. the norm of just following the previous year's standings to choose your number was kinda starting to die out in the late nineties anyway. by 2002, when valentino was defending his title for the first time, if you look down the list it's basically personal numbers all the way. still, valentino was the one to break tradition for champions - the first to do so in a couple of decades. valentino did also know sheene personally as a result of the link through his father, who was a friend of sheene's and had raced him:
^valentino with sheene, valentino wearing a tribute helmet with the iconic '7' on it after sheene's passing (also with the rainbow helmet colours and the word 'pace' or 'peace' on the back during the 2003 invasion of iraq), and valentino's 2005 championship celebrations for his seventh title, his shirt again featuring sheene's seven
hayden didn't follow valentino's example and instead went for the number one plate in 2007. casey made the same choice for the 2008 season, then jorge in 2011... so for a hot moment it really did look like valentino had been just another blip. if anything, the trend was going the other way, with a couple of high profile instances of riders who hadn't won the title rejecting their established numbers:
this particular trend didn't catch on, and from 2010 onward dani decided to just stick with the 26. because all the non-valentino aliens just couldn't stop faffing about with their numbers, 2010 is the only year in which all four aliens are actually concurrently running the numbers we most commonly associate them with
then, by 2012 apparently people were starting to get a bit superstitious about the number one plate. here, from an interview with casey:
the idea is that you can't defend the title if you're sporting the number one plate. which is true! in the 21st century, three guys chose the number one plate, and they defended their titles a grand total of zero times. one bloke stuck to his number, and he defended his title five out of seven times. so yes, it is technically correct that nobody with the number one plate had defended their title, though it is equally true that nobody not called valentino rossi had defended their title. I suppose we'll never know what the bigger factor was
anyways, if picking the number one plate was already a sure thing before, I reckon this sort of silly talk about 'jinxes' would have made casey even less likely to change his mind for 2012. not only is he stubborn, but he also takes an extremely dim view on superstitions
That race was the twelfth in a row that had been won by a rider not starting from pole, which was a new record. People were making a big deal about it and questioning whether, psychologically speaking, it wasn't a good thing to qualify on pole position at all. Maybe to the superstitious riders out there it had become an issue but I have never allowed myself to be affected by outside influences like that and I put an end to the stat by winning from pole in the next round at Laguna Seca in California. It is amazing how many riders have superstitions, which to me are completely ridiculous. Pretty much every one of them has a little mascot or a lucky pair of undies that they once had a good result in and have been stuck with ever since (so to speak!). Superstition is basically just fear and as an athlete my view is that by allowing it to enter your mind you are effectively handing over control. My approach has always been to deliberately tackle it by doing things differently to the last time, just to make sure I don't get into a restrictive habit. Some riders look at their qualifying position and think, I never go well from fifth position, or arrive at a circuit thinking about past results there and say, 'I've never done well here before, it's not my favourite circuit.' You have to be in the mindset that every day is a new day, a new set of circumstances. Every corner is different, every situation is different, and if you are not prepared to open your mind to that then you will always struggle more than necessary. You might have been through one particular corner a thousand times before but with a slight change in temperature, a new bike, a different tyre or a rider trying to pass you on the inside it becomes a completely different challenge and you have to be ready to deal with that.
given that casey is like, neurotically anti-superstition - well, he was probably always going to do the same thing as he did in 2008, but now he definitely would never just stick with his number. unlike jorge... who did change his mind, having run the number one plate in 2011 - but decided against making the switch in 2013. funnily enough, this did not help him defend the title. the eventual 2013 champion ended up also opting to stick with his number... and, well, marc's title defence went a little bit more smoothly. after jorge's 2015 title, he once again stuck to his 99, while marc has used the number 93 throughout his career. by the time you get to 2020, it's easy to have a warped perception of how common it is to keep your number. if you're born in, say, 1997 or later, you think it's basically the done thing to stick to your number, and it's really only a few outliers who use the number one plate. but even in the 21st century... it's really just valentino and marc who were doing it, plus jorge two out of three times. but between the two of them, they sure were winning enough of the titles to make it feel like the established norm
by this point, there really was a bit of a superstition about how the number one plate was 'cursed'. obviously, this wasn't actually a 'curse' as much as it was 'the dominant force in the sport in the noughties decided this number one plate thing wasn't for him and the dominant force in the 2010s who also happens to a massive fan of the other guy also decided not to make the switch either so that probably explains it'. it's not 'you won't defend your title if you're sporting the number one plate', it's 'you won't defend your title if your name isn't valentino rossi or marc marquez'. but obviously, sports drives people insane, so it was always going to be something that prompted a lot of speculation until someone finally managed to defend the plate
following his 2020 championship, mir didn't depart from the new tradition, with a suzuki video to announce his decision:
and fabio did likewise after his 2021 title:
obviously, sticking to their numbers didn't actually help joan and fabio defend their titles, and after his 2022 championship it was pecco's turn to make the choice. pecco went about this in the most pecco way imaginable, with just a touch of public hand-wringing about the whole thing:
just as a quick reminder, before pecco there had been 28 premier class champions. five and two thirds decided against the number one plate - sheene, valentino, marc, joan, fabio, and jorge twice. "I have always been fascinated about riders with number one" describes something that until very recently had been completely normal. not even remotely noteworthy. cheers valentino
eventually, presumably after some extremely extensive introspection, pecco decided to go for the number one plate:
and also this:
and also this (look he's got a lot of thoughts on the matter, please allow him):
and talking about defending the number one:
pecco has continued talking about it sporadically since then. he's spoken about it in the context of defending his title, which as he points out he can only remember marc and valentino doing:
and then the pressure inherent to sporting that plate, from after he'd successfully completed his title defence:
hm. right. let's unpack
the thing about this whole 'running the number one plate' business is that in motogp, each rider's individual choice has to be read with that history in mind. for many years, this wasn't even really a question... it's just what you do when you win the title. sheene was the rebel, the one who decided to do things differently, who wanted to be associated with his very own number. and valentino, who himself knew sheene and was already attached to his own number and has always had a good sense for personal branding, decided to stick with 46. of course, valentino being valentino, he's inescapable enough within motogp that ever since he made that choice, every single champion after him has had to actively make a decision one way or another
so you've got jorge, who had used the number one plate in his title defence during his 250cc campaign in 2007 - and also used it in 2011 as motogp defending champion. he ended up changing his mind for his following two campaigns... remember, he only started using the number 99 in 2009 after his fractious split with his manager during 2008 (see more on numbers lore here). here was what he said about his decision in 2011:
versus his decision in 2015:
jorge in particular does of course have a bit of a complicated relationship with the numbers he's used during his career - and unsurprisingly he's clearly put quite a lot of thought into the whole matter. he's determined to still have the number 99 represent him in some way even in 2011, while also thinking about how he can integrate the number one into his initials - and since it's jorge, of course it's particularly important that his fans approve. he "won't forget" his 99, it was still on his leathers because it's still 'in his heart'... but he explains it by saying he has "earned the right", that it's a "unique opportunity". then, a few years later, his main cited reason for sticking with the number 99 is how it 'represents' him
very much a question of identity, then, something about how jorge made the choice to use the 99 and how it was an expression of liberation for him... he was tempted by the number one once and only once - a statement in itself, following on from jorge's title win in 2010 where the oppressively popular defending champion had been taken out of contention through injury. jorge says he's 'earned the right' because he feels like he deserves it and he wants to tell the world as much. did his failure to defend the title play into his decision not to run the plate again or did he just decide it wasn't really for him after all? did he realise he had grown so attached to the number 99, what it symbolised to him, that he didn't want to give it up again? or did he just realise it was better for personal branding?
last year, here's what casey had to say:
it's fun how the perception of it has changed so drastically, hasn't it? now it's kinda the brave decision to take it... and that's mainly the legacy of two blokes who happened to monopolise this century of racing and decided to make their numbers their own (you may have noticed that there's considerably less material out there on why they made the choice they did). it's gone from something that you just sort of did automatically to something that puts a bit of a target on your back. because that's the subtext, right - everyone wants to 'take the number one plate'... which obviously they do anyway, but all this talk of curses and jinxes attempts to give it a bit of extra weight. is it presumptuous to take that number? valentino and marc made the call to stick to their numbers - and years later it's become a statement to deviate from that path. in that fabio quote above, in context he's really just trying to say he feels like he's the number 20 and nothing other than that - but "I feel like I'm not number one" is still a teensy bit loaded. how did marc's injury affect the choice made by those in his absence?
casey is unsurprisingly very firm on the whole thing, "you are world champion and you should be wearing number one". as if doing anything else is shying away from this duty. defending the title is another "challenge" that he says he likes - almost like a way of putting extra pressure on himself. though in a different interview, casey also says this:
just a number after all, then? it's also interesting how they frame it in different ways, isn't it? for casey it's "recognition" of an achievement, for jorge it's something you've "earned"... and for pecco, it's something you "need to respect". it's about something that puts "pressure" on you... perhaps that's partly because so much of the discourse about the number one plate has become about defending the title (or failing to do so), but pecco discusses it more as a responsibility than something he deserves. you can tell that it's clearly preoccupied him for a while - it's something he's "fascinated" by, he's "admired" people who have done it, he's "always loved it". for both casey and pecco, part of it seems to be about respecting the history of all the blokes who have used the number in the past, like it's an act that pays tribute to that heritage. you'd think this shouldn't have been such a tough choice in the first place, wouldn't you? goes to show how much of a break with tradition it's become - tradition, of course, that was really started by pecco's own mentor. would it be that surprising if that's part of the reason for the reticence? and, at the same time, would it be that surprising that his mentor's long shadow might make him feel like he needs that big and bold number one? what does pecco think it's saying that he went a different way? all this public hand-wringing just because he's breaking a trend
for jorge, the number one plate was a public declaration that he'd made it, naysayers be damned. to pecco, "the number one plate means you need to demonstrate you are number one". it's like giving yourself a point to prove... is it mainly a matter of pride or giving yourself something to live up to? both of them go to great pains to stress their continued attachment to their original number, how they're continuing to integrate it into all their cute designs... and that is something that has changed pretty definitively - not entirely as a result of valentino, but around the same time as valentino emerged as the figurehead of the sport, and he's certainly a big part of it. even the riders who go with the number one still want to have their number and to be known by it. the numbers have become such an integral part of branding and rider identity that riders want to make clear how important they are to them, whether they stick with the number as defending champions or not
at the same time, the fact that taking the number one plate has been de-normalised means that this decision places extra focus on the challenge of defending the title. pecco might not frame his choice in opposition to valentino and marc's to keep their numbers, but he does repeatedly link it to how they alone had been able to win successive titles. for him, then, it becomes an indirect way of living up to a legacy - counterintuitively by doing the opposite of what they did. "since I remember, was just marc and vale have repeated the title" “I thought about it many times this season in all the races we were struggling that the only two riders able to win two years in a row were marc and valentino"... that's what he's trying to live up to, this simultaneous source of inspiration and insecurity. are you lacking confidence if you need to see the number one to believe yourself that you are the number one? or is it conversely shying away from something you have rightfully earned if you can't bring yourself to take the plate? is it an expression of ego if you think your personal number is more meaningful than the number one could ever be? personal branding decisions aside, wouldn't manufacturers much rather you display the number one plate proudly on their bikes?
kind of remarkable, isn't it? it should be such a simple choice... and yet. not only is it now a question of branding and identity, but within motogp it's also become one of how you relate to the legacy of two specific riders. maybe it'll gradually become more common again to take the plate - after all, the curse has now been broken. or maybe it will be the source of much hand-wringing forevermore... we shall see. we shall see
#personally I'd always keep my own number lol. but I also think pecco specifically made a good call#though maybe it would've helped to do a little bit less public introspection and hand wringing and soul searching#poor little ferret wants a number one on his bike. needs to write essays justifying it. buddy it's fine who cares#batsplat responds#//#brr brr#does it bother anyone else that valentino doesn't actually use a continental number seven? no? just me?#some of sheene's 7s didn't have the dash. which. there may be a good reason for this but it doesn't quite feel like ideal branding-wise#taking a massive sharpie to valentino's title winning shirt#incidentally schwantz generally stuck to his 34 until he won the title. thought it interrupted the flow too much to mention it but#current tag#alien tag
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medic tf2 doodles?!?!?? in this economy!???!?!? (art from yesterday)
most gentle and sweet middle aged german man in the whole entire world smile vs planning to swap all of your organs with a series of interconnected frogs smile
a doodle i did of Medic and Archimedes.... he looks too round in this drawing, not smug and evil enough..... also Mitzi from the RAE appearance :D
i LOVE the voicelines Medic has with Haunted Archimedes, he's not disturbed or even slightly put off by the fact that his zombified dove is 1. talking and 2. has a violent and constant craving for brains. he's just like. being a slightly irritated pet owner about it. he's just like "ugh yes archimedes vants all zhe brains doesn't he. now shut up". also i think this is the most on-model medic drawing i've ever done wtf
#tf2#team fortress 2#tf2 medic#medic tf2#archimedes tf2#mitzi mozzarella#doodles#sketches#sketch#also um. please no thirst comments in the tags. /srs#i feel incredibly uncomfortable with comments like that and i don't want those things being said about my art#and i feel like it might happen here so like. please don't do that thanks 👍#man i love drawing medic. he's actually so fun to draw and i love giving him the most insane expressions ever#he has so many sharp angles it's so fun!!!#i also really like the second opinion voice lines. he's not even frightened. he just has an annoying roommate sewn to his face#aahh this is why i love medic#i have a cold right now so i can't think of any other tags to put on this post........#might post some more barry stuff later. i drew a pretty cursed one yesterday heehoo#i want to post some of my really old tf2 art from like 2018#and maybe some SUPER old tf2 stuff from a decade ago if i can find the notebook i drew it in#back when i used to draw everything with a pen and no guidelines 💀#i'm pretty sure i still have it! it's not something i would throw away at all#it's probably hidden deep in my closet with my other old art stuff#i'd like to share my super old unhinged comics with a bunch of characters from various properties some day#i remember making a comic where all my favourite tf2 and mlp characters teamed up to stop peg from peg + cat from taking over the world#because i really didn't like the show as a kid. i thought peg's voice was annoying and it was a show about math. and i hate math#it's not even a bad show... it's really cute actually..... why did i hate it so much#i was peg + cat's biggest hater. if p+c had a million haters i was one of them. if it had 1 hater that was me. if it had 0 then i grew up#anyway. ignore all those tags i went on a ramble loolll#i forgot this post is about my medic drawings... yeah i really like these drawings and i love drawing medic <3
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this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 👑👑
#yes this is a nel/vas drawing get off me😂#text#i wanted everyone to see it but also since i draw on paper in total silence i think a lot about everything so i wanted to voice some -#- thoughts too's. tbh i've been veeery self indulgent lately#actually i'm happy that n*lv*s is getting actual hits out of me that i like looking at#especially on-paper stuff that i can recall being fun for me to draw. all traditional art is fun to draw#and digital has turned into an actual task for me (only sometimes tho maybe i;m lying.. mspaint we're still bffs)#i think i just don't see the joy in trying to scrap up a ''' finished ''' piece in an art program .. pencil i love you and i love the -#- feeling of it scratching along the paper....sigh............ Rabu#i don't want my blog or thoughts to turn into traditional art suck-off ventures bc ik not everyone can get into it for many possible -#- reasons but if u feel like it U can ok? do it for Pencil✏️ and for me? for silusvesuius? 𝖎 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚#but Lord i hope i don't also come off as one of those people that r like 'to improve in art just draw that one fictional character u -#- rly like 😂😂' bruh gtfo my face with that.#i'm noticing 'improvement' in my stuff mainly...i think... because i'm always striving to impress#not so much other people that are here just for my art but more so myself#i have a very huge ego (Mind Battle)#also it makes me sad to think about how big egos or genuine (not obnoxious) flauntiness are looked down on#and i can tell bc i used to look down on people that would express the things i'm expressing now#especially in art focused spaces. now i'd rather be in a circle of artists that love to J*rk off their own brain for it's ideas -#-and talent than be w/ very self-conscious artists that are never expressing pride about any of their work#worse if it's to the point where they actively start to fish for compliments bc of it#fishing for compliments is always OK i just wish it didn't stem from insecurity in that context if that makes sense#but maybe that's very easy for me to say and admit bc i did develop a very big ego around my art and ... Creativity? like it's a sims skill#not that i still don't seek out 'attention' or compliments from others to soothe myself but hmmmmmm i hope u feel me.#it just turns me into a very competitive person#who am i competing with? Myself#i'm always in 'you can do better Because you're YOU' mode#which is much better i believe than comparing yourself 2 other artists#i don't think a lot of people read my tag ramblings but if u do i wonder how one feels about a very pompous artist#like me .......(?)
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wanna ask how you feel about the eridan bpd headcanon/theory(?? not sure what to call it!) you're so good at your character analysis and i'd love to see your outlook on it
Since I don't have a degree or any formal training in psychology, I feel deeply uncomfortable diagnosing characters. I've made an autism joke before but only because I'm on the spectrum. He's definitely traumatized and anxious, but I mean those as descriptors of his behavior rather than capital-D Diagnoses. I try to focus on those when I can - the cause and effect of cognition, self-image, and behavior - and those factors may very well match up with DSM criteria, but I try not to touch an actual diagnosis with a ten foot pole unless the author has explicitly stated that X character has Y condition.
#there's a variety of reasons for this#part of it is that im GROSSLY unqualified to be handing out diagnoses when it takes a full on PhD to do that in real life#part of it is that psychology is inchoate and we are still very much in murky waters#for example: complex ptsd isn't even IN the DSM yet#and iirc my therapist told me it was because theyre still figuring out how to classify it (attachment disorder? trauma disorder? etc.)#part of it is that (from my limited and undereducated understanding) there are diagnoses that you can assign by completing a checklist...#but some that require a hell of a lot more testing and ruling out other potential causes#and the cluster-b personalities are (IIRC) not even ones you're supposed to diagnose minors with#bc of fears of self fulfilling prophecy and because minors in general are still developing personalities In General#and like the fact that i can't say that with authority speaks to how unqualified i am to do any diagnosing right? hahaha#and part of it is just because like#unless the story is specifically About That and the author has stated so explicitly#i think diagnosing characters tends to put blinders on analysis#like if i were to seriously go 'eridan is autistic' then it would massively bias my reading and understanding of his character#and we have 0 indication that eridan was ever explicitly intended to be autistic or that the author was trying to do an autism specifically#that doesn't mean that the reading is invalid because like thats what death of the author means#all readings are technically valid including stuff the author didn't necessarily intend#but that's just not the way i like to engage with media and not the way i like to approach character analysis#because PERSONALLY it just feels kind of reductive - but also -#i'd wager MOST of us don't have degrees in psychology#so when i say 'X character has Y condition' it might mean something totally different to somebody reading my analysis#even people who have Y condition aren't exempt because a lot of mental illnesses differ from person to person#whereas if i explain “X character has Y thoughts and Z behaviors” there's no ambiguity in that#eridan struggles with noticing that people are suffering and with realizing that he should care#at least part of this is due to his horrific murder-filled upbringing which rendered empathy a detriment & so he learned to ignore it#it could be autism - but it could also be trauma -#or he might just be Like That without actually meeting the diagnostic criteria for autism#& you can't even technically be diagnosed with C-PTSD#or maybe he has a burgeoning personality disorder but you aren't supposed to DX those too early anyway#or maybe hes just 13. see what i mean hahaha. ive reached the 30 tag limit
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object show characters being named as their own objects might strike you as odd, but is it really that strange? with humans, differentiating each other using names is necessary. we're all "humans," so there's not much to name off of. physical features, maybe, but people can often share those...
however, with objects, there's a clear distinction to name someone after. and, why do names exist? to distinguish people from one another. why would you make a name, when there's already a perfectly good one right there? and sure, there's people who are the same object, but there's people with the same name too. they'd probably get nicknames/slightly different names... besides, that's why surnames exist.
#wheucto#wheucto speaks#osc#object show community#Be subjected to my thoughts.#<- /silly#tags don't add onto my point at all i just wanted to ramble about how names might work in an objects' universe#though this doesn't mean human-esque given names can't exist... like_ nobility tended to have a bunch of names... there might be something#- similar there? like they had non-object names#also for someone super well known like royalty_ it's probably important to distinguish them from other objects of the same kind#also for patronymics/matronymics... theres going to be people named something like [object] treeson or like featherson... thats so silly#in this system_ it would be very possible for someone to be named “feather featherson”#bc your parents wouldn't really choose your name#also i like to imagine an america (US that is) where they just have crazy names bc they wanted to be able to choose their own#since the nobility and royalty had names but the commoners didn't...#i dont know if that would be likely but i think it would be fun!!!#also since it'd be a movement started by like_ adults... it would mostly be people choosing their own name... which (i think) would lead -#- into a society where people are typically expected to choose their names#(maybe parents would name their children... but it'd be accepted if they later changed their name...)#(though i'd imagine being called like your object name as a child could be kind of weird... but who's to say people wouldn't like their -#- object names?)#and like... if you're choosing your own name. imagine you're like twelve. you'd probably like name yourself after like a character or -#- something similarly stupid. like internet names_ except it's real life!#also i wonder how gendered names would be? i mean_ they could probably develop somewhat similarly to human names?#and i wonder about if there's like a difference between how... um... upper class people with names (in non-US countries) and americans -#- treat names... like for an american maybe_ being called by your name (or its derivatives) even among close ones is the norm#but elsewhere it's common (for those with names) to be referred to by your object when you're close to them
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on this day a year ago I drew guillermo de la cruz as a mint green bunny
1 year later I've now drawn a fuck ton of bunny drawings and ended up accidentally improving my pixel art along the way
happy birthday to bunny guillermo and my wwdits bunny drawings!
oh yeah also
happy 5 year anniversary of the premier of what we do in the shadows!!!
didn't plan to have them share a birthday but hey ain't that a funny coincidence LMFAO
#the cupcake was made (messily) by nandor#oh and fun fact those sprinkles use almost every wwdits bunny color#it doesn't have nandor's color but that's cause I used it for the frosting#what we do in the shadows#wwdits#wwdits fanart#guillermo de la cruz#*funny tag for my art*#bun stuff#I genuinely thought when I first drew memo bunny that maybe I'd draw a few more bunny drawings then move on#cuz I thought people would think this is werd#welp I'm glad I didn't stop drawing these characters as bunnies cuz 1 I've improved my art A LOT thanks to it#and 2 I now know people really fucking love them :3
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More misc. daily life pictures and such
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1 & 2 - Very bright pretty looking sky !#2. HUGE icicle that looked like you could kill someone with it or something.. Pulled from near a gutter on the side of a building#3. & 4 & 5 - various images from a silly party I had where I pretended to be some elf king turning like 204 years old lol (also not like#a REAL party. Only my roommates were there really and we're all in the same household bubble.#just to clarify. I would never dare have a large party anyway given#my hermitous nature but on top of that.. didn't want there to be some implication that I'm having a Party while covid is still ongoing lol.#NEVER.. But I do love dressing up as some fantasy character so much.. The only thing that could ever bring a true hermit wizard#to engage with others socially is the prospect of connecting it somehow to fantasy worlds and costumes lol. One must simply dress up#as a silly 200 year old man from time to time and pretend you've never seen a balloon before in your life. etc.#6. bapy boye... feets#7. The main food that I made for the elderly elf man 'party'. which was a Deconstructed Beef Wellington (kind of as ajoke since I watch s#o many silly cooking competition shows and they always make stuff 'deconstructed' at the last minute when under time limits or whatever.)#I've wanted to make beef wellington a few times but Ithink to do it well I'd need like..an actual kitchen and a lot of time and#an oven that fully works to bake things and etc. etc. So I thought this would be an easier method. A thick steak cut round to kind of mimi#c the round tenderloin or whatever it is in a wellington. instead of the puff pastry being wrapped around - I just did star shaped cut outs#of pastry and baked them and put them on top (to go with the star theme). instead of mushroom duxelles being wrapped around in pastry#its in a little circle under the steak. and instead of mustard being brushed onto the meat I made a mustard gravy sauce type of thing#Then of course asparagus on the side.. my favorite... Though I know some wellington#also has a layer of prosciutto I think. or I saw one person use crepes. I didn't feel it was necessary to incorporate that too lol#8. bapy son helping me do a giant puzzle that took me hours and I had no idea it was actually that large of a puzzle#until I started putting it together and for some reason it made me stressed by the end instead of relaxed lol.. puzzle fatigue#photo diary
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Tonight, right now, not even ten minutes ago, might have been the closest I got to an outright hatecrime
#morningtalks#Ask to tag#<- I have no clue what I'd have to tag this tbh#But for the story.#Me and my friend (crush) are walking at two am after quite the night. I am fully sober but she's got a few drinks and is just tired now#Like we're walking in silence she's just done type of tired#(part of me worries I was too in love with her tonight but I will do my best to rationalize it as Her Being Tired and not my fault somehow)#But yeah we're walking there and we see/hear a bunch of guys that are clearly not on their first drink#They plan to go to the bar we were so I'm glad we left but they are full on far right singing slogans about getting the leftists out#We cross each other on the street and they immediately begin asking us if we're lefties but then they see my pins#And the fact that we're two girls walking alone and assume we're both lesbians#Ify I obviously am. I have Pins lmao but my crush is not (?)#But yeah I had heard their slogans from afar and had already grabbed my scissors discretely in case something happened#I was genuinely just getting myself ready to fight them all just to leave my friend a chance to run if possible#But I was genuinely scared for her (and also for me but I have a bad habit of prioritizing others' wellbeing and especially here)#So they think we're lesbians and immediately start yelling they don't like lesbians and some other hurtful stuff#But it didn't fully enter my brain. I genuinely don't care#But I was still very afraid they DO something#Luckily they just walked away and we were left in peace but I was genuinely ready to do literally anything to not let my friend get hurt#By these men#I might see her a bit tomorrow. Probably not a lot but we'll see each other#And she doesn't seem to mind too much (she thought we'd see each other next week for class obviously and said “til next week”#(translated quite literally))#I thanked her for the evening still but I genuinely think she just needs to sleep and I don't have to overthink everything that happened#In the end#The first hours of the night were AMAZING though. Genuinely never been closer to her than there I adored every second of it#(and the other people were fun too but. She. Yano)#Anyways I have a thing at 11 I'll go sleep before being fully dead for that thing#But I might genuinely have a delayed reaction on those last events tomorrow#But now I gotta sleep too
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breakups are so fucking weird. three years and just like that it's gone. huh
#helix.txt#gross i ended up spilling my guts in tags. look at them fucking writhing on the floor all bloody#dont rb please#vent#to quote fall out boy i knew it was over i just didn't know the date#yeah that's it. fall out boy can fix this.#i will feel better if i go listen to bang the doldrums#and infinity on high in general#and folie a deux. folie a fucking deux how i love that album#my chem will make me better. gerard way save me#god what a weird feeling. you used to know me better than any other person but then you moved hundreds of miles away and it worked#for a while. then two years later you said it wasnt working and that this was best for both of us. guess i never got the memo for that one#hope we treat other people better because i wasn't as kind as i should have been towards the end and you were never as thoughtful or con-#-siderate as i needed towards the end. we grew apart because you're bad at keeping contact over messaging#and in some ways the cracks in the foundation that grew from that were my fault too i guess. our conversations always felt one sided#maybe i was smothering you#you could never seem to keep more than a passing recollection of the things i liked or even pay much attention to them#but i wasn't great about that either#we just became different people. you weren't what i wanted or needed and you couldn't do long distance. whatever#i know it was the right thing i just wish it hadn't made me feel so damn awful#will we still talk after this? who knows. we didn't end on bad terms but things are definitely weird#and considering your track record with people you can only talk to online i'm not optimistic#you tried to break things off initially by saying you'd said you would improve in the past with nothing to show for it#something i didn't disagree with but i said it didn't bother me much. and it didn't#but it's complicated now. i did deserve better. but you made it clear i'm not getting it from you#you weren't as present or thoughtful as i needed#i wasn't there in person the way you needed and certainly not as considerate as i should have been. and for that second part i'm truly sorr#anyways. sorry. i'd been thinking about it for a long time anyway. i didn't want to admit it because i didn't like to think#about what it might bring. maybe i should have been braver#right. that's enough
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got to go on a trail ride yesterday and one of the guides asked if i rode (as in, rode currently) and when i said i used to she was like 'i figured, i could tell from your seat' and it's not a huge deal given i rode enough in the past that it'd be surprising if i didn't stand out in a group of beginners, but also i will be riding (haha) that high for the next week
#it's been ten years since i've ridden regularly so it's nice to know the old reflexes are still there#the horse i was on was genuinely the best i've ever ridden on a trail ride#SUPER responsive and polite and his name was Fred which is an excellent horse name#he was trained for neck reining and i'm used to horses that use leg cues though so i confused the poor fella#bc pressure from the right leg to him exclusively meant i was asking him to change gait#whereas i was accidentally using old reflexes to ask him to turn#which is making me think about the riding i used to do#it's been so long and i didn't have an instructor for the last couple of years so i'd kind of been thinking it was all -#novice-level work for the most part#but actually i was training my neighbor's horse through 4H and not doing all that bad at it!#dixie was certainly more responsive to leg cues and had a couple more tricks up her sleeve when i was done#which is not novice stuff! it's not the most advanced but it's not novice!#food for thought#chatterbox tag
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(tw discussion of self harm/wound care)
Took the gauze off this thing to change it and it immediately fuckin opened wide the fuck up again. Had to use butterfly bandages to get it to even stop fuckin bleeding. And my parents come home tmrw night. Chat am I cooked here (rhetorical. I am absolutely cooked)
#I didn't wanna use em bcuz A) we only have two and I think my parents will notice they're missing. and B) they apparently reduce the-#-severity of the scarring which. as fucked up as it is. is smth I Don't want.#I'm hoping it'll close up enough I can take it off asap and get the best of both worlds lmao#like. the thought of having it as wide as it is with the gauze over it gives me the ick bcuz of all the fibres getting in there#but also I want the scar to stay as wide as it currently is. which I know is fucked up but oh well#at least I won't have to deal with hiding it once I move into the apartment in August#as much as I'd like to not have this issue by August. I've had it for like 6 years and counting so Ayo I'm just tryna b safe with it#also my brain is like. haha like the fob song. my brother in Christ fob didn't invent butterfly closures. ur brainworms r showing.#I should prolly stop posting abt this shit on here but like. I don't have anyone else to talk abt it with so I'm yelling into the void yknow#hopefully I do a good enough job trigger-tagging it so nobody's getting bothered /gen#armchair speaks#blood mention#injury mention#tw sh#tw self harm#tw graphic
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my art stuff has been updated!
i've finally updated my art blog which is @hell0megart so if you only want to see my art related stuff, feel free to follow that instead! since i use my main to post... well. everything.
but i also updated my description to have that linked as well as my art tag for on this blog if you ever just wanna check to see if you missed anything! i will be posting more, i have some stuff in the works as well as just straight up done and just need the forthright to post it lol
ive privated a bunch of old stuff but there's plenty there to peruse. i haven't been super active over the years despite calling myself an illustrator but. you know how it is
#ive thought about using the other blog for sketches but i think i'd end up reblogging it here anyway so why does it matter lol#i'm gonna try to be vigilant in making sure everything is also reblogged over there#may talk about stuff in the tags if i didn't get to it on the main post but#it'll just be a way to separate everything easier!#my art#it fucks me up that tumblr changed the tag url thing to actually having spaces?? i guess too many people used dashes for things
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just got to be a bad practice patient for the endoscopy class 👍
#i couldn't stop gagging and could not for the fucking life of me make the 'eee' sound they needed to get a good image#you have to make an 'eee' sound while they are literally grabbing your tongue and holding it out#it seems straight up impossible to me (i need my tongue to go back) but apparently people do it#anyway the instructor said it was very educational to get to work with a person who can't do it well lmao#i think she was being nice#she said if i were an actual patient in the hospital she would have used a fuck ton of numbing spray to make it easier#also random but i mentioned i'd been screaming at a concert this weekend and they asked what concert so i said the mountain goats#and no one knew them but they instructor was like 'are they from north carolina?'#and i was like yeah#and she acted all cagey for a moment (she used to be a voice specialist in san francisco for a lot of singers)#so i thought maybe one of them had seen her#but then she said they just visited the clinic and didn't need services but also gave her tickets to a concert so she saw them#weird connections!!#j.txt#here is that grad school tag
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.
#“test”#wait did the quotation marks not put my tag up front. I'm gonna test it#'test' is in quotes so it should go up front when I post.#WAIT DOES TUMBLR NOT DO THAT THING ANYMORE??? BRO WHY#I got used to being able to remember content tags halfway through my ramble and just being able to format them#I don't wanna have to go on computer just to be able to rearrange my tags#ngl I sort of noticed it a while back but I didn't pay attention so I lowkey thought I'd dreamed it#dreamt? I think it's dreamt not dreamed#tag talk
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what is it about showers and solving every problem you had during your teenage years
#i need to start showering with music otherwise my mind will just go 'hey remember this thing that happened ten years ago'#ahah wouldn't it be funny ahah solving it now??? ahah#like no??? leave me alone#I haven't talked to those people in years nor do i feel the need to talk to them again#in my defense i think the conversation i had with my friend the other day started this train of thoughts#this guy i used to know when i was 15 or smt back in my hometown opened this bar#and like if you're there and you want to go out somewhere you can only go to a bar bc there's nothing else#and i was telling my friend that that's the only new bar in town I haven't checked out yet and probably never will#bc shit went down with the group me and this guy were in back then#and I haven't talked to any of them since then#and honestly I'd like to go there and sit at a table and be like hi#but i also cannot remember in what terms we left things like how ugly it was#bc my brain does this funny thing where it erases stuff#survival instinct much?#love treating this blog like my personal diary#sorry i make you read my stupid tags#oversharing all the way#also that whole group? insane! i surely did something i shouldn't have done but it surely didn't start from me#I'm so glad adolescence is just a phase jfc
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