#(only kinda but i'm just in a bad headspace when it comes to writing in general so 😂)

[onlythebravest]

okay, so, me and @hard4softthings had a very brief discussion about insecure trevor and, well, inspiration struck? so here are 870 words of insecure trevor. enjoy!

psst, look over here, it’s also on ao3 now if you want to show it some love over there

this is so not edited and written in under two hours so please feel free to ignore any and all mistakes, thank you

Trevor and Jamie are sitting outside one of their usual post-training smoothie shops, sipping on a smoothie each. Trevor is splayed over his chair, leaning back with his legs spread wide, talking about something Jamie has to admit he lost track of. Honestly, he’s just waiting for an opening to ask the question he had invited Trevor out to ask.

There is a short break when Trevor is taking a few sips of his smoothie and Jamie jumps on it, “Do you have a place to live yet?”

“No, dude,” Trevor replies, head thrown back as he groans loud enough for the people at the table next to them to look over. He looks up at Jamie again. “You?”

Jamie shakes his head. “Wanna look for a place together?”

“Wanna be roomies again, Jimmy Dimmy?” Trevor waggles his brows and Jamie shakes his head both at how stupid he looks but also at the equally stupid nickname. It’s a new one, though, so he gets points for creativity.

“Yeah.” Jamie shrugs. “I liked living with you the first year. We fit well, don’t you think? And I know you hate being alone, so I was thinking, why not?”

The response he gets isn’t one he expects, because Trevor suddenly folds himself in, making himself a bit smaller. Not hunching his shoulders smaller, just taking up less space smaller.

“I’d love to be roommates again,” Trevor begins. Jamie senses a but coming and waits. “It’s just that.” Trevor puts his smoothie down and adjusts his hat, pulling at a loose strand of his hair. “I’m different. At home, I mean. If we’re gonna live together.”

“I know that,” Jamie says, confused. “We’ve already lived together, remember?”

“Yeah, but that was different. I’m gonna be more different.” Trevor rolls his drink between his hands as he talks. “I wasn’t, I didn’t, it’s just.” He shakes his head. “I’m gonna act different. More different. I won’t be like this, and like, I’ll talk less.”

Jamie chuckles. “You mean I’ll get the chance to talk sometimes? I won’t complain about that.”

Trevor lets put a frustrated sigh, pulls his hat off and runs a hand through his hair before pulling it back on. “No, it’s, I.” Another sigh. “I’ll be —”

Trevor grimaces. He takes a sip from his smoothie, chews a bit on the straw before taking another one.

Jamie breaks the silence Trevor is dragging out between them, “You know, if you don’t want to live together you can just say so. I won’t be offended or anything.”

“I do!” Trevor looks at him earnestly as he repeats, “I do want to live with you. It’s not that.”

“What is it then?”

“I guess I’m just scared you won’t like me anymore,” Trevor finally mumbles. He talks around his straw, so it takes Jamie a second to decipher what he said, and then another two to process what he said.

“What?” He exclaims when he realizes what Trevor said. “Where —” he shakes his head in confusion “— where is this coming from? Of course, I’ll still like you, Trevor.”

“But it’s gonna be different from the first year. I feel safer around you now, I’m gonna relax in a different way. You’ll see, I’m gonna.” He purses his lips and seems to force the next sentence out, “You’re gonna see some really ugly sides because I’ll feel so comfortable with you that I’ll be too relaxed to hide them.”

Jamie blinks. Blinks again. “Have you been changing how you act around me?” he asks, horrified.

“Not much! I’ve just… hidden some things, I guess you can call it

“But why?”

“Well, at first it was because I was nervous. Around the team but also, you were so good, Jim, I really wanted you to like me. And when I felt more comfortable and started to relax, everyone already had these expectations of how I should act, so I just continued.”

“My god, Trevor.” Jamie took his hat off and shook his hair, letting the light breezes of wind run through his hair. “You don’t have to keep up some kind of act. The boys don’t want you to be someone you’re not, they want you to be you.”

“It’s not like that, I’m still me. I’m just not always this loud and hyper and whatever.”

“You don’t have to be ‘on’ all the time.”

Trevor shrugs. “They’ll just be confused if I suddenly stop talking now.”

Jamie rolls his eyes. “I doubt you’ll turn into some shy rookie who says one word an hour, I think you’ll be fine.”

Trevor is quiet for a little moment, then he leans back and spreads himself out against the chair again and says in his usual loud voice, “And you’ll have my back if they don’t, won’t you Jimmy boy?”

Jamie huffs a laugh, shaking his head at how quickly Trevor reverted to his, apparently exaggerated, loud self.

“That enough feelings for you, bud?”

Trevor dramatically throws himself forward at the table. “For a lifetime, babe, a lifetime!”

Jamie decides not to call him out on the act and just asks, “So? Living together?”

“As long as you promise to love me to the end of days.”

[chvoswxtch]

Could I request something for Frank with a s/o who is having mental health struggles? I’m not doing to well as of late and I would love nothing more then Frank taking care of me 💕

Take you’re time, no rush :)

Ps. I love your writing

hi my darling! so sorry this is coming to you so late. I myself have been struggling a bit mentally lately. I hope that you're doing well, and that today is a good day for you angel. ❤️

thank you so much for the request. it was actually super therapeutic for me and kinda helped get me out of the funk I was in, so thank you!!

there's not really any warnings for this except swearing & lots of fluff. also i'm not sure if the glitch with dark mode has been fixed or not but if you're on dark mode, you may have trouble viewing this. I apologize for any inconvenience reading in advance! word count: 2.3k

let me help.

Frank Castle had always been good at reading people. During his time in the marines, he perfected this skill and learned to pick up on certain cues and read body language to anticipate what someone might be thinking or feeling, which gave him a huge advantage when it came to combat. It also helped him out quite a bit when he became a father since he was usually able to figure out what kind of shenanigans his kids were about to get into before they had a chance to actually get into trouble. But lately, it helped him out the most when it came to you. 

You and Frank were total opposites when it came to emotions. While he hid everything until you could coax it out of him, you were a lot more open about yours, even if you weren’t trying to be. Your face gave you away, every single time. Not only that, but Frank knew you like the back of his hand. He could always read you, even when you were trying to hide and put on a brave face. A few months into your relationship, Frank had finally gotten you to confess about your mental health struggles to him. He had been picking up on little things; small changes in your demeanor, subtle shifts in your moods, and even the tone of your voice when it was off. He didn’t want to push you if you weren’t comfortable, but it also killed him to know something was bothering you and you were afraid to let him help. 

Ever since then, Frank was extra vigilant when it came to you. He had learned what helped when you got into a bad headspace, and what he could do to make it better. He figured out what you needed from him, even if you were having trouble communicating it. He discovered that sometimes you wanted a distraction, and sometimes you just wanted to be held and comforted. Sometimes you tried to put the noise in your head into comprehensible sentences, and sometimes you preferred the soothing timber of his voice as he read to you or told you a story from his previous life. Sometimes Frank could convince you to go for a walk on a pretty trail he’d found, and you’d walk side by side silently as he held your hand gently.

“Somethin’ about sunshine “curin” the blues. Some shit Curt told me, I don’t know. Said it might help.”

Frank had actually reached out to Curt on several occasions about you, since his experience with his group made him the closest thing to a professional he could find. Through learning how to care for you, Frank actually started to figure out how to care for himself. He started to figure out what worked for him when things got heavy, and how to process his own struggles. After a while, Frank even got comfortable letting you care for him like he did for you when things got bad. It was a learning curve the two of you were navigating together, with the occasional help from Curtis, and it only made your relationship that much stronger. There was an immense comfort in the peace you two found in each other. Anytime that peace was disrupted, Frank picked up on it immediately, sometimes before you even did.

He knew today was an off day the second he walked through the door. Your voice was quieter as you greeted him, sounding almost exhausted, and you hugged onto his large frame tighter than you normally did. Frank let you linger in his embrace, cradling the back of your head as he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. He studied you quietly when you took a step back, trying to figure out what it was you needed from him right now. He could tell by the tight smile on your lips you weren’t going to bring it up. Maybe you hadn’t even noticed it yet. Or maybe you were trying to avoid it. Whatever the reason, he didn’t want to push you if you didn’t feel like talking.

“Think I need a hot shower. Wanna join me?”

The eager nod of your head caused a tiny smile to spread on Frank’s mouth as he held his hand out for yours.

“Alright then, pretty girl. C’mon.”

Steam filled the bathroom as Frank turned the knob as far to the side as it would go. Your reflections were indiscernible as the mirrors fogged up, only able to catch the briefest glimpse of your own silhouettes. Frank was quiet as he undressed you, keeping his touch gentle and soft. A flush had already started to spread over your face from the heat. Frank carefully helped you into the shower, giving your hand a light squeeze and offering a smile when he noticed the confusion on your features.

“Go ahead, sweetheart. Be there in a minute.”

Once Frank had rid himself of his own clothes, he stepped in behind you silently. Your eyes were closed as you tipped your head back underneath the showerhead, allowing the warmth of the water to wash over you completely. It echoed off the tiles like a steady summer rain, and even he found the sound soothing. Frank gave you a moment to try and let the water wash away whatever it was you were trying to rid yourself of, only joining you under the stream when you opened your eyes and reached for him.

An aroma of lavender and vanilla filled his senses as he poured your body wash into his hands, beginning to massage it over your shoulders first and then down each of your arms. He took his time as he cleansed you, kneeling down as the suds traveled down your thighs and over your feet. He made sure every inch of your skin had been caressed by his fingertips before rinsing you off. Frank gently grabbed your wrist to halt your movements when you reached for his body wash, giving a light shake of his head and a timid smile.

“Don’t worry ‘bout me.”

“Frank-”

“Just let me help, baby.”

Frank silenced any further protest as his lips descended on yours. He wrapped one arm around your waist to hold you against his chest as his free hand lightly massaged your green apple scented shampoo into your hair. He gently scratched at your scalp with his blunt nails, smiling as your eyes fell shut and a satisfied hum vibrated from your lips against his skin. The longer he worked his fingers in your hair, the more you melted into his embrace. Frank carefully grasped your chin between his thumb and index finger to tip your head back, turning your head to the sides ever so slightly to make sure all the shampoo got washed out fully. After repeating the same process with your conditioner, he reached behind you to shut the water off and wrapped you up in a fluffy towel.

“Let’s get you comfy, shortcake. You want shorts or somethin’? Or just a shirt?”

“Just a shirt, please. Can I wear one of yours?”

Frank chuckled lightly as he wrapped a towel around his waist, holding onto your hand as he helped you out of the shower and led you back to the bedroom.

“Course you can. Don’t gotta ask, baby.”

Frank grabbed your favorite lavender scented body lotion from the cabinet, knowing how much it bothered you that your skin felt too dry after a scalding hot shower. He helped you dry off and slipped on a pair of briefs before motioning towards the bed and pouring some lotion into his hands.

“Lay back for me.”

Your eyes followed Frank’s hands as he moved them over every part of your body while he massaged the lotion deep into your skin. There was a slight furrow of his brows, as there always was when he was concentrating on something. But everytime he caught your gaze, his permanent broody features morphed into a tender smile, and it made you weak. After slipping one of his large shirts over your head and your favorite pair of fuzzy socks onto your feet, Frank scooped you up into his arms and sat back against the headboard with you in his lap. He rested his chin on top of your head as you snuggled into his chest, running his fingers through your wet hair slowly.

The two of you stayed like that silently for a few minutes before Frank heard your deep exhale.

“Thank you.”

“You don’t gotta thank me. You know that.”

“And you know that I’m going to.”

Frank couldn’t help but grin, shaking his head slowly as he held you even tighter to his chest.

“How you feelin’? Better?”

“Much.”

“This one hit fast, huh? Seemed like you were in higher spirits when I left earlier.”

“Yeah, it did.”

Frank glanced down at you, cupping your face in his large hand to get you to look at him. He studied you for a moment, brushing his thumb along your cheekbone softly.

“Somethin’ happen?”

“No…nothing happened. I-I don’t know. I felt okay this morning and then I just…didn’t.”

“S’alright, honey. Just checkin’.”

Another defeated exhale caused your shoulders to shrink. Frank leaned in to brush his nose against yours, pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

“Hey, it ain’t your fault. You know that.”

“I know-”

“And there’s nothin’ wrong with you. So don’t go thinkin’ that shit. It happens to everyone, baby.”

“Not like this. Not everyone deals with this.”

“I know, but it’s outta your control.”

“And that’s what I hate. I hate not feeling in control of my own body, my own head. I know what’s happening, and I can’t do anything about it. I just…have to wait for it to pass.”

“You don’t gotta do it alone.”

Frank sighed quietly as he sat up a little straighter, turning your body so that you were straddling his waist as he held your face in both of his large hands.

“Baby, I love you. Alright? I’m here. I ain’t goin’ nowhere, no matter what. When this happens, we get through it together, yeah? We always get through it, don’t we?”

You leaned into Frank’s touch, wrapping your hands delicately around his wrists as you stared deeply into his eyes and nodded. 

“Yeah, we do.”

“I’d say we’re doin’ pretty fuckin’ good, all things considered.”

A small giggle escaped your lips, and you couldn’t help but mirror the smile that spread over Frank’s mouth.

“Who knew Frank Castle would make such a good therapist?”

“Easy now, don’t go broadcastin’. I ain’t acceptin’ any new patients. I got my hands full.”

“Oh, do you?”

Frank’s lips split even further as a toothy grin took over his mouth, reaching behind you to grab your ass with both of his large hands, giving it a tight squeeze.

“Yeah, see?”

Your eyes widened as your mouth fell open, lightly slapping at his chest as you burst into a fit of giggles at his actions.

“Frank!”

“What? Made ya laugh, didn’t it?”

“Is this what Curtis is teaching you?”

“Nah, I decided to improvise on that one.”

All you could do was shake your head as you giggled loudly. It was nearly impossible not to smile when you were around Frank, but it was even harder when he was smiling. Frank had such a beautiful smile, and it always caused one to appear on your lips. It could light up the midnight sky, and oftentimes it chased the darkness away within you. His laughter bellowed from deep within his chest, and it spread a warmth throughout you as it enveloped you like a security blanket. Frank tilted his head to the side slightly as he gazed at you lovingly, bringing one of your hands up to his mouth to press a kiss to the back of your hand.

“Hey, you and me. Yeah?”

You couldn’t help but smile as you nodded, leaning in to press your forehead against his.

“Yeah. You and me.”

“Atta girl. Now, how ‘bout I order some Lombardi’s and you pick us a movie.”

“You’re letting me pick? Anything I want? Like…anything?”

Frank’s eyes narrowed slightly as he took in the excitement in your eyes and the grin on your mouth.

“Do I need to reiterate that I’m gettin’ you the best goddamn pizza in all of New York so you don’t torture me?”

“Now Frank, when have I ever tortured you?”

Frank arched one of his dark brows in question as a smirk curled at the side of your mouth.

“You want me to answer that honestly?”

“If anyone tortures anyone around here, it’s you.”

“Me? What the hell-”

You giggled as you pressed a finger to Frank’s mouth, leaning in to kiss his nose gently.

“Relax. I won’t torture you, I promise.”

Frank glared at you insincerely as your grin spread across your cheeks, letting out a deep exhale as he let his head fall back against the headboard.

“It’s gonna be a fuckin’ musical, ain’t it.”

“It’s not…technically a musical.”

“For fucks sake.”

“You promised you’d watch Moana with me months ago!”

“Alright, alright. Fine. Go put the damn thing on.”

As you queued up the movie and waited for Frank on the couch, you couldn’t stop yourself from giggling when you heard him grumbling to himself in the kitchen. His fingers aggressively tapped on his phone’s screen as he dialed the number to Lombardi’s, muttering a few swears and an exasperated fuckin’ Disney before placing your order. As he took his seat beside you on the couch, you grabbed his face and kissed him deeply, pulling away slowly with a soft smile.

“Thank you, Frankie. I love you.”

“I love you, shortcake. Always.”

[genericpuff]

A theory as crazy as it is profound in a silly r/im14andthisisdeep kinda way

So there's this conspiracy theory of sorts that's been whispered within the ULO discord and subreddit the last little bit. I don't think anyone's made an outright statement on it yet but it's definitely something people have been casually talking about in the comment sections and chatrooms, mostly as a joke, but also as a thought experiment.

And that thought experiment is concerning the notion that Lore Olympus could very well have become a poorly-made AI comic.

Not necessarily the art, as we've already dissected the art process plenty of times before and it points to Rachel simply being bad at team management and using her mismanaged team as a way to circumvent any real effort on her own part.

But the writing. There's just something about Lore Olympus' writing that's become incredibly stiff, boring, and alien.

Disclaimer before I continue: this is a tinfoil hat theory, and a lot of the points I'm about to discuss can be easily proven with far more reasonable explanations, so take it with mountains of salt. That said, I do think it's something worth talking about as we're currently in an era of mass AI-takeover in the art and writing scene, and let's face it, Lore Olympus nowadays really does feel like it's either being written by an alien, or an amalgamation of possessed animatronic endoskeletons wearing a human skinsuit. So viewer beware, this post is full of speculation and tinfoil hat wearing, read at your own discretion and don't take everything I'm about to say 100% seriously.

Let's get started.

THE TONE OF VOICE

This is where that whole "animatronic wearing a skinsuit" vibe really shines, so I figured it would be where I'd start. Lore Olympus... does not feel human. It's dialogue often feels stilted and scripted, none of the characters have any sense of personal voice, and it often feels like the dialogue is coming straight out of a sterilized Wikipedia article.

There are also often times when characters will say one thing only to be responded to with an entirely other thing. It comes across as randomly generated, like the dialogue is being created based off a script that is only given prompts as to where it needs to end up - so everything between Point A and Point B ends up feeling like non-sequitur filler at best and outright nonsense at worst.

In fact, there can be better tone of voice and dialogue found in the legitimate AI conversations of Lore Olympus themed ChatGPT bots.

And this is a bot that's self-aware it's a bot, so it definitely has that going for it.

The more likely explanation: Rachel's bad at writing. She's planning these episodes maybe 2 weeks ahead at a time at best so she's just throwing dialogue in to keep readers spending money and meet her panel quotas. Her characters have no voice because they aren't, in and of themselves, characters. She hasn't given them any depth beyond their appearance and she clearly has next to no understanding of writing outside her own headspace (and her actual headspace as we've seen is... yikes) so it's not surprising that her dialogue-writing is on par with Shenmue 3. And Shenmue 3 is a game with real human-written dialogue that exists so it's not a stretch that something like LO's bad writing could be entirely the fault of a human either LOL

THE NARRATIVE INCONSISTENCIES

It seems since the start of S2.2 (post-mid-season hiatus which starts us off with the 10 year time skip) narrative inconsistencies and plotholes have become far more egregious, sometimes contradicting itself within the same episode. Almost like scenes are just happening from single idea prompts and no actual structure underneath the surface.

The more likely explanation: Just like the first point about stilted dialogue, this could easily be chalked up to Rachel just not committing to goal-oriented writing. She doesn't have any sort of end point planned for any of these plotlines, she just drags them out until she can finally think of a way to resolve them, if she even resolves them (many often aren't resolved, or are simply left as a "yep, that's it, moving on" type ending, ex. Eros and Psyche).

STRANGE SYNTAX AND CONSTANT TYPOS

This goes hand in hand with the first point about stilted dialogue, but part of what makes everything feel so stiff and robotic is how often the sentences are structured in very... odd ways. From the lack of contractions that make sentences feel less natural-

-to the strange choice of words that no human being in a modern setting would ever use (and LO is, again, set in a modern setting and is trying to portray the gods as being 'just like us')-

-to the numerous typos and spelling errors.

(there are so many I could post here but the "his deam" one always makes me laugh lmao)

It really feels like a lot of these sentences were pulled straight out of Twitter or a Wikipedia article. As a result, it never feels like these characters are talking to each other, but at each other.

As for the typos, at this point, Rachel really has no excuse for how frequent they are. Fortunately, she has hired a copy editor recently which seems to have mitigated these errors, but if there were a bot involved, it wouldn't be farfetched to think that the bot would also make spelling mistakes and stilted dialogue if it's been trained off Rachel's past material which is, y'know... full of spelling mistakes and stilted dialogue.

The more likely explanation: It's a well known fact that Rachel has dyslexia, so I'm not going to fault her for struggling with spelling things right. None of this is to shame people who struggle with dyslexia and reading disorders. But the fact of the matter is, Rachel is a multi-million dollar creator in the year 2023 where spellcheck exists. It's wild that she's only now taken on a copy editor. Literally any of her assistants that she's had for the last few years could have done that for her. It's great that she's hired a copy editor but it feels like too little too late. That isn't going to fix the stilted dialogue, either, which just comes down to, yet again, Rachel being a bad writer. And possibly a series of animatronic endoskeletons hiding in a human skinsuit.

REACTING TO CRITICISM

The irony of this post is that it asks not to take every speculation I write here seriously because it's just that, speculation, and we shouldn't get carried away with conspiracy theories... which is exactly the sentiment we had back when we initially suspected Rachel of spying in the criticism groups, which turned out to be true. It's basically public knowledge at this point that Rachel lurks in the criticism groups, thanks to both testimonials from others who have been in groups who got hijacked by Rachel (see: Broseidon's Palace of Fishposting) and the 'clapbacks' in LO that are clearly meant for the audience.

But it's wild to think that Rachel would really spend time in criticism groups when she's said it herself that she "doesn't like criticism". And considering she already spends an absurd amount of time on social media, it would be really ridiculous if she was still finding time to also lurk in the critic groups and concoct ways to 'get back' at them.

Unless, of course, there was a bot parsing criticism hashtags like #antiloreolympus and #loreolympuscritical. I can personally attest to the fact that Rachel must be subscribed to hashtags in some capacity because I've had Lore Olympus fanart (way back in the day when it was actual fanart and not foe-art) get retweeted by Rachel herself literally seconds after posting. So either Rachel is just constantly refreshing the search feed all day, or she's directly fed tweets and posts with the hashtags she's subscribed to.

The more likely explanation: Rachel literally just spends an absurd amount of time on social media and considering she clearly only involves herself in the beginning and end process of drawing her comic - and only has a buffer 1-2 weeks ahead of time - she's definitely got plenty of time on her hands to lurk and hurt her own feelings in the criticism spaces. She could also just have her mods sending things to her as well. Either way it's icky behavior and I wish she'd do herself and her mental health a favor and just stay out of the fandom spaces, they aren't for her, they're for the fans.

HOW IS IT GETTING WORSE?

Consider everything I've laid out here. Remember that Lore Olympus is a comic that's been in development since 2017, and in the Originals catalogue since 2018. Its Originals version turned 5 years old in March and technically LO is well into the 6-7 year age range in total. It's absolutely absurd that after all these years, not only has the story fallen apart, but the art has lost the quality it once had. Comics are a medium that encourage improvement, you're drawing lots and typically the same characters and settings over and over again, it's natural progression to get better at doing it over time. And yet, Rachel seems to be getting worse at it, and her involvement in the comic seems to be shrinking with each year.

Of course, improvement is optional. Not every comic gets better over time. Which brings me to my final piece on this matter.

The most likely explanation: Rachel is burnt out and not interested in LO anymore. This is the longest project she's ever done, and while it's not the first webcomic she's done on a schedule, it is the first one that's made it further than a handful of chapters (The Doctor Pepper Show ended after about 1-2 years, not even making it to 10 chapters). She even stated herself in the beginning that LO was a project she'd "never finish".

While it is a testament to how far LO has come from its humble beginnings, I think it also serves as a precautionary tale - success can come at the expense of your happiness and integrity if you've trapped yourself in a project that no longer fulfills you.

Rachel's never finished a long-term project, and at this rate, it's hard to say when she will. As well known as it is that she has dyslexia, it's also well known that she has ADHD, and speaking as an ADHD creator myself, I can fully empathize with and understand that webcomics are hard to create, and get more exhausting to see through with each passing chapter. There's a reason not everyone does long-term comics like this, they're incredibly hard to manage and require a lot of commitment. Even I've found my commitment to current projects wavering as the honeymoon phase has worn off and I've sunk into the reality that is monotonous work, panel after panel, episode after episode, deadline after deadline.

If Rachel were a more experienced creator and more self-aware of her own limitations and work methodology back in 2018, Lore Olympus likely would have never been dragged out this long. She may have gotten the chance to finish it while she was still happy with it, or at least leave it behind when she was ready to move on. While I'm sure the allure of signing on with Originals felt worth it at the time - especially when we didn't know yet just how exploitative Webtoons was - it clearly hasn't benefitted her in the long run because it's tethered her to a project that she never felt wholly dedicated to in the first place. A project that's now less about telling a story and connecting with an audience and more about generating clicks and revenue.

She can claim all she wants in her interviews that Persephone and Hades were her "muses" as a child, but the writing is on the wall - LO was a passing fancy that stuck around too long after its heartbeat gave out.

What it's become now is an endoskeleton on life support, made up of statistics and analytics, struggling to stay alive from inside of a colorful but rotting skinsuit that only barely resembles a living thing.

[alectoperdita]

Can you tell us a bit more about the confrontation at the kink club (in bad guys have more fun)? I'm very curious!

Yeah, I'm happy to spill a bit on that!

So I am super tempted to dedicate a whole part in the series to this, but given there's actual character/relationship consequences to this one, it's harder to write than cranking out more PWP. But do not count it out. Just waiting to get into the right headspace to tackle it.

Hacker!Seto has a history of going to kink and BDSM clubs semi-regularly, since long before he started sleeping with Jou. Not only is it a convenient place to find sexual partners when he's bored and horny, he also finds subbing (in specific scenarios) is a good reset for his brain when he gets "stuck." But since he got together with Jou, he hasn't been to one.

Until they have a particularly trying job. Jou has a pretty well-developed sense of Seto's mood at this point. And Seto is vibrating. He is snappy. He is Wound Up. Jou half expects Seto will be tracking him down afterward so he can get the tension fucked out of him.

Except Seto doesn't go find Jou. They finish up the job and Seto splits. Jou, now even more worried, decides to follow him. When Seto is this Tense, he usually starts acting recklessly. Jou is invested enough in him he's concerned about his general well-being at this point. (Plus, if Seto can stalk him, Jou should be able to return the favor, right?)

Jou follows him to a place he figures out is a sex club as he grifts his way in through a service entrance. It takes a bit but he finds Seto with another guy, talking real close and being kinda touchy and obviously flirting. Jou watches them for a while, super conflicted. Now they never discussed being exclusive. Jou's always kinda thought Seto might be fucking other people, but convinced himself it was none of his business. It's harder to stay impartial, though, when he's faced with apparent evidence.

(Yeah, he's jealous, but he knows he shouldn't be jealous because it's not like Seto's his actual significant other. It's not technically cheating.)

Jou can't take it anymore when it looks like Seto and his companion are about to set away and go somewhere more private. He slips in and pretends all "hey sorry to keep you waiting." Other guy gets pissed (lol he did not sign up to get roped into a cuck fantasy or some other couple play). Seto is also pissed because he just lost his playmate.

But they can't come to blows in the middle of the open area of the club, so they make use of the private room to duke it in.

No small part of this confrontation is Jou being faced with his own hurt pride. What? Was he not good enough that Seto had to go cruising for other dick? He knows they're just fuck buddies, but he was under the impression that they were both satisfied with that.

Seto has to brutally correct him that this isn't about Jou, get over himself. (In his view, it's not about any deficiencies on Jou's part, but in a healthier relationship, this is also where you talk candidly to your partner, and they're not in a place to do that until they're absolutely forced to. Like right this moment, lol.) They've been having fantastic sex, but it's fantastic vanilla sex.

Seto sometimes craves more.

This doesn't reassure Jou at all. Does Seto think he's incapable of giving him what he wants? For crying out loud, he was straight like a month or two ago. Now look at him!

Seto questions if Jou actually can. Because this isn't like whatever he thinks from his porn. Seto likes impact play, specifically. And he knows, he can see that Jou struggles with the violence he can and has inflicted in his past. He doesn't want or need Jou's issues bleeding into this. It'd be bad for both of them.

But they're both stubborn and more than a bit reckless and determined to prove the other wrong. (Yes, a healthier thing to do would be to cool their heads and call it a night and revisit the topic another time, but that's not the characters I'm writing lol.) So they try out some light impact play, probably spanking to keep it entry-level.

Long story short, I'm hoping this is the start of Jou learning the ropes when it comes to kink. Much like using his strength as a hitter for the team, it kinda gives him another way to recontextualize it for good. Or at least I hope it can be pulled off that way haha.

[viburnt]

Hi!! Can I request Deku with “How could I do that to him/her”. Preferably hurt no comfort please, kinda want to feel the sting 😈

Have some delicious angst, Anon! You've no idea how much I loved writing this. <3

—Viburnt

𝐈𝐳𝐮𝐤𝐮 𝐌𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐲𝐚 || 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐡

Your mind swirled with thoughts as you stood outside Midoriya's room, waiting for the greenette to appear. He'd texted you a few hours ago.

"Meet me outside my dorm, I need to tell you something."

The text itself felt unusual from him, the absence of his favorite stickers or emojis not going unnoticed. "How weird," you thought as you leaned against the wooden entrance of his room. What could be so important that couldn't wait until tomorrow?

The memory of the day you confessed your feelings for him crept into your mind, bugging you. You'd sent a similar text to him when you decided to come clean, spilling your heart out for him to see.

You weren't chosen; the unrequited feelings you held nested inside you like a plague.

At least he still wanted you as a friend.

—Hey, you're here! Sorry to keep you waiting. — Izuku's voice said, pulling you out of your headspace. You waved your hand at him with underlying nervousness; there it was again, the sensation that something wrong was going to happen.

—No worries, I didn't wait too long.— You lied to avoid making Midoriya feel bad; you'd been waiting outside his room like a dog waiting for its owner. —What happened? What did you need to tell me?

Midoriya's skin went red, a small bead of sweat forming at the back of his neck. Pressing his lips into a fine line, he told you to enter his room to let his secret out.

You sat at the edge of his bed the same way you'd done in the past, your legs moving with anticipation. On his desk, you could see the many drawings and posters the two had made together since kids, a fond memory that was tarnished with love.

— I'm dating Ochako.— He muttered at first, finding it hard to confess his feelings. You couldn't quite understand him as his voice came out as a whisper.

—Mind saying that again?— You pleaded as the boy averted his gaze from you. His emerald eyes moving from one side to another in embarrassment.

—I'm dating Ochako!— He blurted louder, letting the words sink into you. You must've failed hiding the pain on your face as Izuku's body rushed to sit by your side.

There was a long, dreadful pause before you allowed the words to come out of your mouth; the air in the room becoming thick as the news sunk in.

A tight knot formed in your throat, feeling a burning pain emanating from it.

—Oh, I see...— He heard you say, your lips making an effort to curl into a smile. —Congrats, Izu! I know how much you like her.

With trembling hands, you reached for his soft curls, patting his head like a proud friend.

Midoriya looked at you with concern, feeling how tense you'd become as you tried to assimilate the situation.

—I know you told me you didn't want to know, but– Y-you're still my best friend!— He stammered, his words falling on deaf ears; your head could only hear static.

You sighed, covering your mouth to think. "Best friend," you thought, "I should feel grateful to be his best friend, shouldn't I?"

But you couldn't help but hate the title.

You didn't want to be a bosom friend of his; you wanted to be his.

His in a way only Ochako had seemed to achieve. Oh, how you wished you'd never worn your heart on your sleeve; it would've saved you the pain.

"This feels wrong," Midoriya thought, feeling selfish for hurting you. "How could I do that to her?"

You stood up from his bed, feeling like your body was moved in autopilot. Izuku got up with you, his hand trying to reach yours only to be met with coldness.

—Please say something...— He croaked.

—I just need time.— You muttered, abandoning the four walls of his room, the sound of his door closing being the last thing he heard before being surrounded by an intoxicating feeling of loneliness.

You never returned to him, and there was no way on Earth he was getting back his friend.

It was the aftermath of a broken heart.

[flock-talk]

I’ve been spending most days at work after a year of working from home and my bird isn’t coping as well with being alone all day. I feel so bad. I don’t know what to do, I try to spend as much time with her as I can and she’s just kinda miserable. She’s got lots of toys to play with while I’m gone but when I come back she’s so angry with me

It's definitely a rough adjustment to have to go through I'm sorry you're going through that.

Birds are very habitual so sudden changes after a year of consistency can be really challenging for them to adjust to.

There's some things you can try to help her but whether or not they do help really varies on the bird

have a reliably consistent leaving routine. practice grabbing your stuff, going in the cage, and stepping out the door in a reliable pattern and always leave them with a fun activity when you go. This can help them feel more confident as the consistency is predictable which helps them feel safer.

desensitize each element of your leaving routine. a bird knows you're gonna vanish second your leaving routine starts, this can cause them to build up a lot of anxiety and stress before you even go which makes it really hard for them to be able to settle and relax when you do actually leave. If you were to take each element of your leaving routine and separate it from meaning that you're immediately leaving it can help put them in to a calmer headspace and be capable of settling and relaxing. This would look like grabbing your keys then sitting down on the couch on your day off. putting on your uniform or shoes and then relaxing for a bit. rehearsing the whole routine and popping back in a second later to watch TV. Make leaving no big deal and not always having to mean super long term.

Have a designated super special going to work treat. This can create some excitement, give them something to look forwards to instead of fixating on how they're about to be left alone.

Some birds need consistent routine through the weekends too- some find it more stressful to have their person home for full days and then suddenly gone the next. In these cases it can be recommended to mimic work day hours on the weekends too. Giving them cage time or quiet time during those hours to help retain a consistent routine.

Practice independent activities. When you are together you can promote more comfort being alone by teaching them how to forage by themselves, enjoy a toy, or otherwise play Near you but not necessarily With you. Toy on the desk while you scroll the web, a nearby perch or stand a short distance away, gradually increasing distances to help them learn to have fun on their own. This not only helps them keep busy when you aren't around which lowers stress but also translates over to their capacity to self-soothe

things like a TV playing, radio, white noise, or window access, or being covered may also influence behaviour here and help them relax in your absence

Id also dedicate some time to assessing that 'angry' you've been noticing. Does she seem distressed and anxious, stressed and panicked, afraid, or overstimulated? all of those things can present as aggression and each would have a different training plan. write down some notes of what's happening, what context it happens in, what you're seeing, and how you're responding along with what does and doesn't seem to cause improvements. From there you can begin to notice a pattern and further help isolate ways to help her!

[thelooniemoonie]

Look at how far we've come (Happy 25th birthday to me!)

I'm gonna put some of my thoughts under the cut here, so if you wanna hear me reflect or get personal for a second feel free to scroll past. (CW: mentions of suicide, and other dark topics)

I'm writing this the day or so before queuing this so by the time you read it it will be my birthday but I'm writing this on like. Wednesday

And...well? I guess I'm turning 25? I know it's technically a big milestone because it's like 25% through your life or whatever, but it feels....kinda weird? Like, "oh, I guess I'm turning 25."

I don't quite know how to explain how I'm feeling. It's not necessarily bad? I know we live in a world that puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on age and getting older, but i don't really care about that kinda stuff like getting grey hairs or wrinkles. But this is a new feeling.

It's more like....the feeling of realization once you reflect a bit. A lot of stuff has happened over the past few years, but once you actually turn and look back all of the events you lived through, you kinda realize how much you've grown. Going step by step, day by day, and only realizing once you turn around that you've climbed an entire mountain.

Back when I was 12 years old, I attempted to kill myself.

At the time, the future felt like a dark fog with nothing ahead in sight. I was living in dangerous abusive conditions with my father, severely depressed, and actively spiralling with my own identity, let alone my place in the world. The future was nonexistent.

Now...when I reflect back on that period of my life, it feels like worlds away now.

(Also don't worry if you're reading this and feel concern for me, I haven't felt any suicidal feelings in practically a decade now. I'm sure as hard things may seem sometimes, I genuinely am miles away from that headspace and do not intend to hurt myself in any way.)

It's kinda weird knowing back when I was younger (which isn't that long ago, to be fair) that I already felt like my life was over. Like I just wasn't gonna get into university, I was gonna drop out, I'm gonna have to navigate the entire trajectory of my life in that deep fog.....

.....and now realizing where I am? It's weird. Like I didn't plan for any of this. I should be dead. I'm just winging this entire thing.

But.... it's also realizing that I'm gonna be fine.

To be perfectly honest, this year has been kinda rough for me. While I don't talk about my personal life too much on here I was pretty miserable the first 4 months due to getting screwed over during the start of my Masters, plus not seeing my irl friends for a while hasn't been ideal either. (I also feel kinda shitty complaining about these things in general, as I'm well aware these kinds of opportunities are things not everyone is able to get, and I know there's friends and others that have it worse off than me, so I just kinda keep that shit to myself)

But I've also come a long way haven't I? I've managed to graduate in the middle of a pandemic, managed to land a job helping the covid pandemic in my province, got my drivers licence, made memories with the ones I love and meeting new people, slowly becoming more independent and now doing climate change research for my Masters degree? It's...something.

It's kinda the feeling of your world being very small, like a tiny space where the fog obscures anything outside your view, and slowly it fading away and your world getting bigger. Like sure I can't 100% see the future, but it's important to reflect on knowing what that world was like before.

I wish I had something poetic here or a message or life lesson to articulate my thoughts. But that doesn't really work here. (I'm also being careful to focus on positive aspects of my life here, as it wouldn't really be great to focus on the more negative aspects, like that time I almost died again (this time not on purpose, I promise) in a car crash in 2020 or a really bad breakup I had with a group of friends. But I suppose that's just life, isn't it? You really get a wide variety of experiences, good or bad)

I can't really say my life is 100% improved at this point either, things still aren't perfect as I'm still living with my mom, a closeted queer, and I'm sure there's a lot that I still need to learn and considering, the uh, well (vaguely gestures at all the current events going on right now) stuff....going on........there's still a lot of work to be done.

Dandelions in the spring. A shining moon on a dark night. The first seedling after a forest fire. Fading scars. Light from a birthday candle held in your hands, carrying wishes in the wind long after they burn out.

Hope, I guess.

Anyway if you read this far here's my official adult™ tips from my experience:

If you wear jewellery that tarnishes quickly line a bowl with tinfoil shiny side up, place jewellery in the bowl with equal parts baking soda and salt, and pour boiling water over everything and leave for 5 minutes

Invest in a cushion that supports your tailbone. You have no idea how many office chairs have shit ergonomic design.

[vroombeams]

Was there any fic of yours that felt especially good to get out of your head into the page? Decathect, free for all, intermediate, they're all so atmospheric or emotional, how easy/difficult was it to get in that kinda headspace and then let go of it? 💛

oh an interesting question!! and a different answer for all of them!!

intermediate i have less of an emotional connection to, which is often the case with prompt fics for me? that one was just like. i have the tools and experience to write something deeply indulgently miserable and i will use those tools and it will be written! and that was pretty much it lmao i don't love reading it back though esp now, the logan wound is still a bit raw

free for all felt... good the whole time? the process of writing it, posting it, whatever. it was a vent write and it didn't come from a good place but it's this very twisted-until-unrecognizable version of the original feeling so it gave me enough distance from it that i can reread it without feeling, like. ill. so as much as when i was writing it it was like ahhh ohhhh oh no bad vibes! it still felt correct to Be writing it and getting it out, and the process flowed pretty well, and i don't resent it lmao

decathect is uhhhhh. that one was a more outright feelings-vent-whatever and it was less twisted/warped than free for all was, so writing it was kind of painful, and posting it was like. i still don't know why i posted it LMAO. i've only reread it once since i posted it back in... may i think it was. and rereading it didn't feel great either. it's one of those ones that i probably could have kept in the wip graveyard to rot, but i was also really hung up on the concept of... decathection? decathecting? the concept of anticipatory grief, anyway. so up it went!

this one wasn't mentioned in the ask and i'm too scared (??) to link it but dream journal was also one that felt like. good/bad to post in that it was such a specific vibe that i wanted to achieve and i think i Did achieve it and the feedback was actually so great, even though i posted it on anon and said nothing to anyone about it basically. it's second to free for all in fic-that-felt-good-to-actually-post

anon (or not) ask me anything about my fic

[sophieinwonderland]

Hey Sophie, I'm not really sure if the question is in any realm you kinda talk about but honestly if anyone else can answer that'd mean a lot. Sorry if I'm being a bother.

So, I'm a system right. My system has been quiet for months now (since like May this year. That's how long this has been going on.) and connection to the headspace is also really bad.

Barely anyone comes to front anymore. Only 2 outside me come to front anymore (There's supposed to be like 80 headmates here) and those interactions are brief and don't really feel strong connection wise.

I miss my headmates. I miss being so sure I'm a system. I feel like a singlet most of the time now and I don't really like that. Lol

I have a husband and a kid in the system I can't really have those disappear ya know. Not very gucci.

Is there a way to fix this? Any tips? I've tried meditating and visualizing a bit but it's not doing too much. Or maybe I'm not trying hard enough? One of my headmates says to just relax and try not to force it but I miss my headmates too much to relax. I'm sorry if I'm being a bother. Thank you for reading if you did.

Definitely not a bother at all.

I imagine this can be really hard to go through. We struggle with doubts a lot ourselves despite having a generally strong connection.

So, first thing, connection a two-way street.

You can be trying as hard as you can, but it might not mean anything if they aren't also trying.

Many issues, while things you can help fix, may require help from your other headmates too.

One way we deal with doubt is through partial possession. I'm usually co-con, and can just take control of the hand to give us a good poke in the nose when my host starts doubting.

When talking to the ones you can talk to, in order to strengthen your connection with them, ask them to help make their presence known a bit better. Things like:

"Can you try to stay with me longer?"

"Can you make your mindvoice a bit louder because it's too faint and I have a hard time differentiating it from my thoughts?"

"Can you front for just a moment and do something silly I wouldn't do?"

Don't be pushy. Just be polite, and let them know how much you need their support.

For headmates you've lost total connection to, think about your shared memories to them. Think about their memories, and talk about those memories with them.

All people are made of memories, and if you want to bring someone back, I believe reminiscing about the past is an effective strategy. Also, you can try writing notes for any headmates you don't currently have contact with. Especially your in-system husband and child. If you can't reach them yet, write letters for them. Whether physical or in document files. Things you'll want them to know when they one day do return to you, and they can read the letters themselves.

Hope some of these suggestions help. Good luck to you all! 💖

[blindrapture]

june 8th is up. this one also features a long Timestamp in it, which had to be broken up with a paragraph break for tumblr and is formatted as intended on The Website.

I'm just gonna idly note that this log, for some damn reason, feels the most like what the new act 2 is like. I didn't intend it that way in either direction, but it's probably just, like. this log has a clear structure to it with different Central Events and even different Narrative Styles for its sections, and as I got older I did actually want to try to do this kind of thing again But Better. act 2 is a lot of This But Better.

"so then why keep act 1 the way it is? why not remake act 1 to be Better? why leave it in a way that is apparently unsatisfying to you?"

that is a question I continue to have, yes. like, yes, of course, I had the temptation to rewrite all of act 1 from scratch. hell, I got an even stronger impulse to do that yesterday, because I just flat-out did not remember that damn graffiti, which I would not write the same way today. is it, like, completely out of the question? will I never rewrite act 1? I don't know. I can't answer that one. I would like rapture to be done. 13 years is a long damn time to sit with one damn story. if I ever do rewrite act 1, though, I can promise it won't be for a really long time. and in that time, I may come around again and decide act 1 is fine again.

because. if I did rewrite act 1, I can also promise it would lose something. my rewrite of act 2 has lost something, something of the Earliness, the Timeliness, the 16-year-old-ness, and I was okay with that because act 1 made up for it, and because the new act 2 is.... I mean, seriously, I keep hyping it up, but, it's a fucking glow-up.

and meanwhile, like, there is something to be said for having the story begin this way, spending a considerable length of time in this.. headspace. as an author, I wanted to immortalize that headspace, because it was an important time of my life and needed consideration. as a reader of other stories, I wanted to immortalize it because this was, like.. my generation??? and I wasn't seeing stories actually capture that time period. this was the era of crappypasta, and internet fic that couldn't really decide on how seriously to take itself, or even what genre it wanted to be. this was the era of cringe, when guitar hero was only recently obsolete, and britain wasn't yet a shambling mass coughing up its lungs and was instead still just a timid fucking country. crappypasta is the important thing here, though. I always liked crappypasta (like, y'know, "man car hook car door," or "then who was phone," or the one with the ice cream truck and poor mr. george, or the one with the ghosts where he calls 911 and the cop on the phone is like "I'll be there in 3... 2... 1..." and kicks the door down). I often liked to look past the "bad writing" part of it and just kinda imagine what the story was trying to convey, like, "what if this wasn't considered bad writing?" and that produced an intoxicating headspace. and that headspace has a whole lot to do with what rapture act 1 is playing with.

I dunno. maybe what I'm trying to say here is. rapture was where I wanted to pay respect to the things that raised me. act 1 does gain something from being still (90%) written by a sixteen-year-old. and it does also make the rest of the story a lot more fun for me to write, because I get to try and do more mature things with a basis that was set by a teenager.

but. but yeah. the june 8th log is very much like... jordan stumbles through two original crappypastas. I'm pretty sure I was trying to be serious, to a degree, but I fundamentally lacked some confidence in what I was doing, so I kept it still pretty silly. there will be a time when rapture gives you some more straightforward horror. I absolutely promise that. originally you would have had to have wait for, like... act 3? act 4? for any of that. but now you just have to wait for act 2. or maybe the end of act 1?

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Protective!Ashton Masterlist

2am (ao3) - cthink calum/ashton N/R, 1k

Summary: Calum can't sleep.

That is, unless he's with Ashton.

5 Seconds (ao3) - insideimasadrainbow michael/ashton, luke/calum T, 18k

Summary: "If your name is on their list, you're already dead." That's the warning message about 5 Seconds, a well known group of anonymous killers who make themselves known each year for the Purge. While the world fears these killers, David Hood remains focused on his security systems business that has celebrities such as Beyonce, Adele, and Ellen DeGeneres paying big bucks for it. Due to his lack of research and knowledge on 5 Seconds, David is oblivious to how the band of killers work off a list and has no idea that his name is has made it on there for the 4th annual Purge.

As Normal As Can Be (ao3) - Lemonwiththepuff luke/ashton M, 4k

Summary: Luke is part of the successful band 5 Seconds of Summer. While everything seems to be going just right for him, his world is slowly crashing down behind closed doors. Besides learning how to deal with his only recently diagnosed BPD, Luke is also on edge with his feelings for one of his best friends.

baby i'm gonna drink you in like oxygen (ao3) - booksteaandcake luke/ashton N/R, 1k

Summary: bad boy ashton has taken young luke hemmings under his wing. it's kind of a surprise when they sleep together… but also not a surprise at all.

'“I’m not wrecking you.” Ashton scoffed, “I’m going to take care of you.”'

Can't Keep This Beating Heart at Bay (ao3) - ShortIsNotFun luke/ashton N/R, 1k

Summary: Ashton's heart broke a little hearing the younger's voice absolutely wrecked from all his tears. "I'll come over, yeah? We can cuddle and eat lots of ice cream and talk. Does that sound good, sweetheart?"

or

Luke gets dumped and Ashton is always there to pick up the pieces of his broken heart

fake you out (ao3) - maiamaryse michael/ashton N/R, 1k

Summary: daddirwin asked:

I BELIEVE IT'S YOUR DESTINY TO WRITE ME SOME FAKE DATING MASHTON PLS

I'm Begging You to Be My Safety (ao3) - kayehmwhy luke/ashton G, 1k

Summary: “I don’t really tell anyone unless I have to,” the younger said staring at the floor. “It’s not something i’m proud of.”

Or // Luke's emetophobic, Calum's airsick, Ashton's trying to help and Michael's asleep.

I'm Just Feeling Kinda Broken (ao3) - mlstyles257 ot4 N/R, 9k

Summary: “Is he okay?” Michael asks as he and Calum rush to where Ashton is cradling Luke on their dressing room sofa. Luke is definitely distraught, he’s hiding his face in Ashton’s tee, wailing and hiccuping on sobs. “I don’t know.” Ashton is trying to keep his voice calm, hushing and rocking Luke as the boy cries. “I didn’t even see him fall.” He presses a string of gentle kisses to Luke’s forehead, whispering reassurances as he goes. ... “Guys I don’t know what to do, he’s obviously in pain but I don’t think we can keep him up long enough to get checked out.”

aka Luke gets hurt during one of their shows and struggles with his little headspace.

I Want the World to Know (ao3) - SuperGirl13 michael/calum T, 5k

Summary: Looking back now, Michael knows that this has been a problem from the very start. He had had feelings for his best friend for as long as he could remember, and it was only a matter of time until the two got together. He and Calum were happy, teenagers in love, blissful. They didn't tell anyone, but they didn't want to, or need to. Their band was just getting leverage, and it seemed unnecessary at best. Sure their bandmates had an idea of what was going on, how could they not, they basically lived with them 24/7. It didn't matter though, Calum and Michael were happy keeping everything to themselves. Until they weren't.

or, Michael wants to come out but Calum is scared.

One Foot In The Gutter (ao3) - pommedhappy michael/ashton T, 2k

Summary: Ashton sighs, questioning his decision for a second before knocking on the door.

The thing is Michael is sad, has been for a few weeks, and Ashton can’t take it anymore. It’s not hard to understand that Michael is quite depressed right now and wants to be alone, but the way he keeps isolating himself from the rest of the band really starts to worry Ashton. That’s how he came up with a plan, in order to get Michael out of this dark place the younger boy keeps going.

It’s probably the worst decision he never took, but at this point he’s ready to try and do anything in his power to make his friend feel better.

Protector (ao3) - starstruk97 luke/ashton M, 4k

Summary: There are certain rules that come with being the eldest of your group of friends, the number one rule being: Always protect your younger friends.

" From then on, Luke joined the group, and I had someone to protect and look after. Someone to teach and guide. A baby ‘brother’. And it was my favourite thing in the world. Still is. I don’t care how many fist fights, detentions, suspensions and groundings I have received for standing up for him, I don’t and never will regret any of them because each one of them saved my little bro some kind of pain. "

taking a stand - @sup3rbloom​ (haveufoundwhaturlookingfor) luke/ashton, michael/calum T, 1k

Summary: Luke encounters a rude alpha during a radio interview, and takes a stand for himself. The boys back him. The day ends with pack cuddle

the kids will be alright, eventually (ao3) - wafflelashton luke/ashton, ashton/ofc T, 45k

Summary: ashton falls in love with his best friend, luke, and is somehow the last to know.

the situation is like a mountain that's been weighing on my conscience - @sup3rbloom (haveufoundwhaturlookingfor) luke/ashton, michael/calum T, 2k

Summary: Luke is closeted and nobody outside of the band, and close family, knows that he has a secret husband. During promo for Youngblood, Luke suffers a panic attack when the interviewer asks a personal question. Cue, Ashton to the rescue and comfort.

Too Little (ao3) - starstruk97 T, 2k

Summary: Luke hates being short. Always being told he's too little or too young. People always baby him, tell him to be careful just because he's tiny or the youngest. But what's worse? When your best friends belittle you.

Or Luke is young and short, Ashton is overprotective, Ice hockey is rough, Luke gets hurt, but everything is alright in the end!

You Saved Me (ao3) - CliffordAffliction luke/ashton M, 5k

Summary: After a boy from school causes harm to Luke Ashton's protective instincts kick in and all he wants to do is make sure Luke feels safe and loved

[jeonqkooks]

Hii Jen!! Is everything okay? 😕 Just saw some of your asks now... I don't know what it is about but I hope you know you're free to take some time off from here if things are too stressful, everything is gonna be here when you come back. Same goes about writing, I suppose these phases are natural sometimes so don't rush it (umm actually the only way I can relate to this is the fact that I used to write a lot of poems but I rarely do it now 🥲 not bc I don't want to, it just doesn't come as easy anymore.. so yeah). And if it's about life problems I hope you'll get through this easily 🫂 I also hope you have something that gives you some sort of comfort, even just a little.

Love you lots! 💖💖 Take care!

- 🎃 (might be a bad time but do you like pumpkin pie heh?)

ngl the past few days were the worst i'd felt in i don't even remember how long. i was fully going through it, mostly bc i forgot what it was like to be around only myself :/ (can you believed the straw that broke the camel's back was me losing my umbrella the other day lmao) but i'm kinda alright now! i kinda have to be unless i want to have a menty b when i go back to work tmr 😂

rationally i know that tumblr and everything will still be here when i'm ready to be immersed in it again but after i said i'd be taking a semi writing break i already got a few unfollows so 😂 but yeah i do want to be in a better headspace to write fics for you guys, bc i don't think any of us would be happy if i just half ass smth just so i can post it. my main source of comfort used to be yoongi but now that he's not here i'm directing 90% of my attention toward mimi 😭

thank you for the message pumpkin, i love you and i hope you'll be here with me for a long time 🥺 (and yes, i do like pumpkin pie!)

[tryhardgwen]

rs archive 05/13/2024:

Out of genuine curiosity, what are your thoughts on "morally questionable" fics (especially in the rpf community)? Please feel free to ignore this if answering that question makes you uncomfortable!

hi anon and thank you for your ask! sorry for the late answer, i was thinking on this one for a while. trigger warning for anyone, i mention sensitive topics here.

the thing about morals is that they're subjective. like, obviously, many people like to think they're objective, and they are to a point. like MORALLY, child abuse is BAD! that is very true! don't abuse children guys! but what i'm trying to say is the line blurs a bit when it comes to comparably less bad and harmful stuff--what you're talking about: the ~questionable~. some people think writing rpf is morally wrong. do i? looks at my works um no. personally, i think life is too short to ponder on the morality of writing stupid fanfiction about league of legends proplayers. but to answer your question on "morally questionable" topics in fics specifically--im assuming, r/nc, death, self-harm/suicidal ideation, gore, abject characterization (like portraying (specifically an irl person) as a rapist or something)? i think it's the same kinda thing. people do or not do it, if i don't like it i won't interact. im sure they have their reasons and im im not going to go yelling at people for doing something or not doing something. was nabokov wrong for writing lolita? will me answering that question change anything? as long as you are true to yourself, your morals, and your beliefs, then i think that's good. in the broader scope of things, whats important is living a happy and fulfilling life yk. igaf what people do. i personally don't feel comfortable reading or writing some things, so i just don't do it or interact with it.

however, i have written/am writing gore and some more heavy topics (im literally working on a hunger games au right now). i'm sure that falls under "morally questionable/wrong" for some people. im sure rpf falls under "morally questionable/wrong" for some people! like, don't blame me was rather "tame" but like, if you think about it seriously, i literally strip keria of his humanity and turn him into an obsession demon. is that wrong? who knows i just thought "haha runeterra demon" because i read WAY too much fiddlesticks lore and then wrote a fic. i touch on suicidal ideation, self-harm, and abuse in all my love. i probably/might/maybe/im not promising anything will write some form of smut in the future, only what im comfortable with though. like i said, it's largely an introspective experience and has to do with yourself and your morals. if you decide you don't like something, don't interact, but don't go spreading hate to the people that do like it. the only thing i regret in reference to my fics and morality is probably like, we just need some time together but only because i was in a bad headspace when i wrote it (depression goes brr) and i think i used a lot of my emotions there in a bit of an unfiltered way. maybe it isn't as bad as i remember it, though. i haven't read it in a while and i wrote it two-ish years ago. should probably reread it.

just cus this is MY retrospring (ha) ill leave a lil list for people about my works specifically (subject to change, but probably wont). basically what my fics revolve around, what i will/wont write. um, all my fics revolve mainly around love. (love that takes a darker turn in like, don't blame me) but it really is the main topic i write about--relationships and love (but doesn't everyone?). haha funny for an arospec girl, right--but love exists on many wavelengths, not just romantic, so yeah. love for writing and esports and the players in general is why i write. next, i won't ever write suffering for the sake of it. im not someone who goes into google docs like "im going to write whump and cause pain and suffering and make people cry!" if angst in a fic doesn't have a substantial purpose or reason then i'm not doing it. i've scrapped one fic that did that (im not proud that i started it in the first place, but tbf to defend 2023 gwen i was in a really bad place mentally). i also won't write r/nc or like ship minors w adults or anything bc that is not something i want to do! i probably wont ever write like pure pwp cus i don't wanna. i try to portray the more difficult subjects in my works like sh/suicidal ideation/abuse/depression well and non-offensively. i keep my shipping in private places: ao3, tumblr, a private twitter, because that's what i want to do. i've identified my own morals and i stick to them!

all in all, rpf in general is weird. it literally is projecting fantasies on real people (shipping or not, which why i kind of LOL at people that hate fics shipping or with smut of real people yet turn around and write fics killing real people. ...?) like i said: it's all the same isn't it? we're projecting fake fantasies on real people and turning them into characters. obviously some fantasies are um, "worse" than others but that's exactly what i mean--that's for you to decide. i always make sure to detach my fanfiction from reality--i don't actually think the ppl im shipping are in love, and i don't take portrayals of proplayers and their characters 1to1. if a character is a "jerk" in a fic im not going to turn and go hate on that proplayer irl.

what i have realized for myself and what i can say is... don't stress about it. like i said, life is too short to worry about whether or not reading/writing fanfiction about real people (that they will (probably) never see) is a bad thing. if you get a thesis statement from this long-ass answer, it's literally life is too short to worry about [insert text here]. chill! go forth and have fun!! i love yall!!! alright, gwen out.

comment: 1k answer kinda insane BUT i wanted to add (if anyone even read this) that i realize i did stray away from the og question and focused a lot on "rpf" later in my answer, but since it's what i write/do i just naturally have a lot of thoughts/advice (?) on that. so yeah. i sort of used this question as a broad point to talk about rpf and fics and the morality of it in general!

[genericpuff]

Hello! As a previous fan of LO (back when there was actual effort in the art and I mistakenly thought certain themes and symbolism would be carried through the story) I’m really excited to see what you do with these characters! I was honestly pretty invested in the whole fertility/death goddess dissonance I initially thought was going on, so you can guess I was mega disappointed with where the story went. And I’m already way happier that you’ve begun to build off their relationship as something tangible and emotional, rather than insta love.

Honestly, when I first started reading I thought a major plot point was gonna be Persephone having to balance these two sides of her self that are in conflict, and come out to be a goddess of spring and new growth from decay and death. I thought it was gonna be clever, since that’s kinda what springs like, right? New life and growth from death and rotting matter of the previous seasons. That and the whole ‘red eyed wrath’ thing she had going seemed like a fun hint that she was suppressing her real emotions, and a lot (but not all) of her overly sweet personality was to cover that and be what she thought she was supposed to be. Kinda sad in retrospect, but that’s part of why I’m excited to see where your reimagining goes!

First off, been loving the asks I've been getting from y'all the last little bit, it's a great way to keep stuff updated here in between new Rekindled uploads and essay dumps LMAO so keep 'em coming!

Moving on-

I was really hoping to see that same kind of dissonance carry through the story as well, and it's proooobably one of the biggest things I'll be tackling in this rewrite because it was the one thing I was most disappointed to see fall through in LO.

Fun fact, a lot of my writing over the past decade has focused on dualities like this, alter egos, buried trauma, light vs. dark, host vs. parasite, etc. many of which were concepts you would find in stuff like Undertale, Omori, etc. but like... before those things even existed (I've been writng and making comics online for... a looong time.) I suppose it's the weeb in me that's drawn to these types of personifications of personal dark sides that are present in elements like Chara, Headspace/Black Space, etc. Needless to say, playing games like Undertale and Omori was like, super validating LMAO (if not a little oof because it also reminds me that my ideas aren't that original but that's not a bad thing, there's no such thing as an original idea anymore and that's what makes writing such a great process!)

So like... I weirdly feel that the plots and character dynamics/tropes I usually write and thought no one was interested in has prepared me for this one specific thing??? And it's for a fucking Lore Olympus rewrite comic jfc-

The universe has a funny way of preparing you for things you never expected to be guided to, I suppose. The only fallout is I'm not really eager to share my normal work on this blog due to how rabid/pervasive Rachel's fanbase is (and, y'know, Rachel herself) and I'd rather just protect my usual projects from that potential mess because my usual projects are the ones that are wholly my own, and I intend to still be working on long after Rekindled is done.

But trust me, it's out there and its heartbeat is in perfect sync with that of Rekindled's.

Maybe that'll be the essay I write at the end of all this.

[harpieisthecarpie]

Ive been in a writing slump for over a year. As in I haven't been able to write anything for a year. For various reasons. But lately I've been so excited about a khunbam fic idea I have and also tower of god in general that I was able to convince myself to just sit down and write with nothing and no one else in mind and it worked!!!

and I remembered how much I love writing for the sake of it!!! So much!!!! SO MUCH

I had to pull back for a while because my brain had tied writing to my self-worth (because of fandom and trying to do uni and having it all connected for me my whole life) and I couldn't untangle all that while also still trying to write.

Tho even after that I couldn't write because I was kinda very afraid I would try and I'd hate it or I would just suck at it so bad or I'd use it to hate myself. And I had built up all these little blockades to keep myself from actually trying. "I need to read more so I can write better" and "I need to have an outline of what to write first" and "I just can never find the time".

But I've slowly been getting back into tog (even tho lbr I never really left) because it kept skipping in my head like a broken record. My friend Aero got into it and my friend Knife was still into it.

And I found myself having conversations where I was recalling stuff about tog's lore that I had no idea I had retained. There are so many fucking characters in ToG and when I was thinking about them I knew their names. I barely know the names of the people I interact with daily half the time.

And I started rereading tog from the beginning and I was just struck by "oh yeah I fucking love this. I love these characters and this world. That's the reason I kept coming back to it and seeing if there was a fandom since I discovered it when I was like 11 years old. I love this so fucking much and I wanted to write fanfiction at 19 when I never had before because of that love"

I think one of my issues was that I first started writing fic alongside being a part of fandom for the first time, so I couldn't untangle the art from the community building. Which was only worsened by my horrible self esteem and my incorrect belief that I had to provide something for the fandom to be able to interact with it. Which ended up making me really not wanting to write.

Because with creativity and art and anything I just enjoy doing for the sake of it, the act becomes less rewarding when I (and maybe other ppl) start attaching external rewards and value judgments. I start to forget the real reason I'm creating sometimes.

Because creating with others and for others and interacting with fandom in general can be fun. But it can also really fucking suck if you go about it in the wrong headspace and interact with the wrong people.

Sometimes it just sucks because all the meta and fanon and arguing makes me forget why I am talking about the thing in the first place.

Because I love it! And I think, at least for me, fandom and fanworks should come from a place of love and joy and creation for creation's sake. Even if there are things I hate about a story or its world, I want to write like I'm quilting or scrapbooking. I take what I love to make something I find beautiful, something that's still part of the original story but also undeniably mine. If I start writing from a place of resentment or anger or misplaced self-expectations I'm gonna burn up and burn out. And I did!

But after so long of going without it and bettering my outlook and self-esteem while doing so, Im back to looking at Tower of God from a sort of??? Undiluted mindset. Or, not undiluted bc I 100% have nostalgia glasses on but maybe that's part of the good!

I can read Tower of God and see it without anyone else but me. The me of now, the me who was ecstatic when a friend from another fandom started reading it despite not having read it myself for at least a year, the me who clung to my 2 untranslated physical volumes while in the acute ward even though I couldn't read them because even the art of season 1 alone was comforting, the me who had delved into its fandom during lockdown out of loneliness and found friendship and inspiration, the me who was elated when I stumbled upon the anime announcement even if it was crunchyroll bc it was still tower of god and I knew people would start reading the webtoon because of it, the me who kept remembering and looking for tower of god as I grew up even if it was never a true constant, and the me who had found it when we were both much younger and felt something click.

I started writing this intending to ramble about how I started writing again and yet I've been rambling for ages about how much I love Tower of God. Though I suppose those two are very much intertwined.

But essentially its a lot easier to write an au fic when none of your friends want to hear about your au (ask me about my au!!!! Its a mix of soul eater and boyfriend dungeon in canon tower of god i promise its such a good idea [or dont ask me so I actually write it])

Okay I think I'm done! Thank you to the 0 people now reading this. You are my best friend <3

[athenaholmesartistsguild]

Alright now that it is NOT right before my bedtime, I'm gonna post my sketches for the rest of the comic pages. I did a rough sketch first, then went over the sketch with a rough lineart layer to define forms and expressions and stuff. Now I'm just cleaning up the lineart and adding in details like clothes and the like.

Oh wow, tumblr doesn't limit posts to just 10 images now (diversity win!)

Some of the panels don't have any lineart and that's because I changed them kinda last minute because I didn't like the original panel or I felt like I needed to add an extra panel for storytelling or pacing reasons. I would love to go into all of the in-depth details of why I made certain decisions but I'll just highlight a few for now. I'll probably write up a big thing eventually.

All of that stuff is under the cut:

So I chose to have Kiryu represented in Nishiki's headspace as a marble statue 1) because it mimics ancient Roman statues which is a parallel to the song's subject matter, 2) it looks cool as hell, and 3) it represents that Kiryu has become an object in Nishiki's eyes.

This literally objectified version of Kiryu is initially an object of worship. Nishiki defers to it, saying he'd call it king if that's what it wanted, but overtime, this object has all of everyone's beliefs and expectations projected onto it. Not only is Nishiki compared to what everyone thinks Kiryu is like, but bad actors like Shimano are able to come in and plant little seeds of doubt in Nishiki's head, convincing him that Kiryu did what he did in bad faith, rather than out of love (or fear as he later admits).

Nishiki smashing the statue (and stabbing 'Kiryu') is a complete rejection of Kiryu, both the man and the caricature. He's no longer in the shadow of this impossible figure, he's forging his own path, no matter how violent it may be.

At the very end of the comic, Nishiki is standing in front of Kiryu's statue, but it's broken, cracked, and not as pristine as it once was. Being able to finally see his brother after 10 long years, and after fighting so much, Nishiki finally realizes that Kiryu was never this perfect, pristine figure. He wasn't something to be worshiped, or resented. He's a person, just like everyone else. I wanted to do something where you could see skin under the statue to kind of make it more human but this is a black and white comic (with occasional color) so I don't think it would translate well and I think that would be a little more body horror than I was going for.

Moving on, I had Nishiki's Yakuza 1 self lurking in the background to imply that Nishiki's resentment is building and that he just wants to go apeshit, but I think I want to add Shimano in there instead. A lot of Nishiki's resentment was due to his mistreatment by Kashiwagi and his own men, but Shimano was a really important actor in the transformation as well.

I think I want to change the scense with Y1 Nishiki to Shimano and then at the line "Or my father wished I'd been a son" Y1 Nishiki appears, showing that Nishiki is internalizing what's being said to him, and he feels like the decision he's making is his own now.

Speaking of the above line (which is slightly changed from the original song), 'Brutus' while it's about a woman's struggle with and anger towards a system that puts men above women, no matter their abilities or talents, there's also a transmasc reading that I initially picked up on when I first listened to the song.

First there's the speaker going by the name 'Brutus' a traditionally male name while they're still considered female by society (something that is distressing and stifling to the speaker).

There's the climactic line "I don't want what you have/I wanna be YOU" which can be read as a trans man envying 'Caesar' a cis man for all the privileges allotted to him.

And finally, there's the final line "my name is Brutus, but the people will call me Rex". While Rex is latin for 'king' so this isn't a literal case of deadnaming, the energy is still there with the line delivery being pained and the way the lyric is phrased in the first place. It's certainly more of a metaphor rather than a literal reading of the line.

So I think that's all I'll mention for now. It took a while to write all that up and I wanna work on my comic some more :P

I'll be posting more in-progress pics on my Patreon so if you're interested in that, definitely check it out! I'll also be posting pages as I finish them there too!

So I finished the first page of my comic/animatic type thing for the song Brutus by The Buttress! (click the link to listen to the song) I'm not quite sure what to call it tho. I guess it's technically an animatic since it's *kind of* a storyboard with a backing track.

At some point I want to put this comic in a video editing program and put the music behind it- especially since there's quite a few sections where no words are said/sang. I try to do my best with the pacing in those sections, but there's only so much I can do lol.

I've finished the rough line art for all the pages (there's 18 in total), but it's kinda late so I'll wait until tomorrow to post the rest. I wanna talk a bit about the story and what I'm trying to portray with this comic and that'll take more time and energy than my tired brain has right now :P

Right now, you can download the high-res PNG file from my Patreon for free!