#(not really but if you want to stay anonymous I'll respect that)

[vergina-spva]

34-38-45 ShachiPen :DDD

OTP asks

34: Who's more likely to tell a dirty joke or story to make the other blush?

Shachi. I see Shachi as slightly dirtier in general, and Penguin as slightly blushier. I don't think Peng could bring himself to say much that would be able to make Shachi blush. The other way around... probably, yeah. Even though I think the two of them feel really comfortable with each other, and Penguin would not blush as quickly as with anyone else.

38: Who is more sexually experimental? Who's more vanilla?

Oooohhhh ohohohoho.... in general, I see Penguin as kinda kinky. I don't know if experimental is necessarily the right word, as I feel he would be kind of hesitant to try things out, maybe, but if Shachi (or someone else, I can pretty much only see them have an open relationship) suggests something, he'd totally be up for it. I don't think I'd call Shachi vanilla, but... maybe a little less kinky than Penguin. A little 🤏

45: Can they fall asleep without the other?

No. Simple answer. They cannot. Not really, at least. They could like... snooze a bit, but they cannot fall into a deep, careless sleep without the other. Not even because they would worry about the other or whatever, but they just wouldn't feel at ease enough. It wouldn't feel right when the other is not there.

[thewertsearch]

Ask Comp 01/07

Anonymous asked:i think youre the first liveblogger ive seen to actually remember that orphaner dualscar was eridan’s flarping name?

Mindfang clearly describes the Serkets, so I wonder if Dualscar says anything about the Amporas?

Eridan's greatest enemy does have a duality theme, after all - and he was certainly scarred when the guy stole his crush >:)

@captorations asked:i have terrible news regarding homestuck and the good place: https://x.com/nbcthegoodplace/status/1039908767763259392?lang=en not to mention that. well. the two share more than you've encountered yet. it's very likely not a coincidence. have fun! oh and. re: my ongoing campaign of pointing out the homestuck ancestry of tlt characters. please compare aradia's "i am very much alive and i intend to stay that way" with dulcinea's "i'm not in the river and i won't ever be again"

...oh my god.

On reflection, this makes a lot of sense. Homestuck's fandom is pretty large, and some of its members were bound to be involved in the production of mainstream media. Still, it's wild to see a Homestuck reference - or, technically, a Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff reference - on the official Twitter for a show this big.

And Aradia does have a lot in common with Dulcinea, doesn't she? For one thing, they didn't really start influencing the plot until after they died.

Anonymous asked: Not really important anymore, but looking at what Gamzee has in his Strife Deck, it doesn’t look like he has any ranged options: he’s got the bowling pins, what appear to be a discarded sickle and lance from Karkat and Tavros respectively, what I’m PRETTY SURE is a whip of some sort, and the Zillyhoo hammer. The closest to a ranged weapon in that stack is the whip, or maybe the pins if he’s willing to throw them, but neither seem like they’d work very well against Vriska. Barring some secret power or other plot twist, I think Gamzee would genuinely be the underdog in that matchup. (Which feels weird, because Gamzee’s been mutating into a slasher villain while Vriska’s still very much an antihero protagonist. Usually the power balance is the other way around with those archetypes!)

On the face of it, Gamzee didn't seem to have great odds in that fight - but it's hard to know for sure with this pesky Bard. His Strife Deck contains plenty of cards we haven't seen, and whatever he did to the Black King is still shrouded in mystery. Everything's just so uncertain with him.

@mimescantscream asked: I've really been holding back all this time, but now that we've met the Grand-highblood, it really is extra painful to see a Gamzee who was once incredibly loving of his friends (despite their constant ridicule) end up falling down the path that fate seems to have pre-ordained for him. Was he truly always meant to repeat echoes of the past? Could things ever have gone differently for him?

Yeah, I've been having similar thoughts. His PoV seemed completely sincere, so I don't think his original personality was a fabrication, or anything. I think there is a part of Gamzee that cares about his friends - and maybe even he wants it back.

@jade-harley-real asked: […] I want a rant on the bad doctor from you pls pls pls

Scratch is straight up the scariest character in Homestuck.

What's he up to now? Hard to say since we're not telling him what to do. Guardians can never be told what to do.

The aura of menace he's cultivated is incredible, especially considering he barely even moves. He's playing the entire cast like a fiddle, armed with nothing but a typewriter and his own supercharged brain - and there's no doubt in my mind that his confidence isn't a mask. He knows he's going to win in the end.

English is coming. He's basically already here.

@elkian asked: I'll probably never be a Vriska FAN, but I gotta admit, she really never had a chance, what with the only adults in her life being: a trollvorous spider 1 missed meal away from eating her, Marquise "I do what I want" Mindfang, and Doc Scratch. Some role models! @manorinthewoods asked: So, now that Mindfang has been revealed, here's a question for you: how much of Vriska's Vriskyness is because she's Vriska, how much is because of Mindfang, how much is because of her lusus, and how much is because of Alternia in general? ~LOSS (20/6/24)

This is why I don't think she'd be like this on Earth. At this point, it's obvious that none of her Incidents were the result of her personality as it naturally arose.

I mean, look how anti-Aradiacide she was! They weren't even really friends!

Anonymous asked: ‘AA: there are all sorts of friends to meet AA: ones you already know and ones you dont’ I mean…couldn’t she just be referring to various doomed selves? I don’t see why the dream bubbles would just be confined to the alpha timeline seeing as the furthest ring is weird in terms of time and space

I was assuming that only Alpha Timeline deaths would be preserved by the Bubbles, but you're right - I'm not sure that was a reasonable assumption.

The Horrorterrors seem to eschew the concept of the Alpha Timeline. and, they've coordinated with both Doomed and Alpha versions of Rose and Dave. Plus, yeah, there is no time in the Ring, so timelines are probably meaningless there. Why would it only interface with the Alpha?

If the Bubbles do preserve doomed souls, then we might also run into the John who died to Typheus, and the Jade he couldn't save. That's a pair of ghosts I'd be very interested to meet.

Anonymous asked: If every Aradia comes back from every doomed timeline, the number would double each time, so you could get over a thousand of her with only ten doomed timelines.

Fair point- although, if an already doomed Aradia went back in time again, she'd be double doomed. Is that even possible? Would she die twice as quickly?

@mhafanlol2000 asked: Your issues with quirks and speech-to-text are pretty simple to explain. If a troll were to speak into a non-modified speech-to-text program, it would output text with their quirk. Because they, quite literally, speak in their quirk. Terezi probably isnt actually saying “YOU H4V3 LOST TH3 G4M3”, each number at a time, but the vibes are definitely there. I don’t know, this is hard to describe if you don’t inherently get it.

I think, jokes aside, it is indeed about the vibes.

In the troll intro pages, you get told a little about how each troll talks, and I think that's how we're supposed to translate their quirks to an audible medium.

Anonymous asked: i think ppl in the fandom have over time kinda built up a like, generally separate understanding of quadrants from how theyre described in the "official" explanation. which is like, not representative of how these terms are used in homestuck, but probably more useful for describing Good relationships that Do Not Suck. like basically making moirails equivalent to being queer platonic partners, making blackrom more about having a healthy fun rivalry, that kinda stuff.

It's funny, actually - I don't think I've encountered a single asker who accepts the quadrants as they're originally described.

The main issue is that, with the possible exception of matespritship, we haven't seen a single troll relationship with reflects the infodump's explanation of the quadrants. I think Hussie might just have jumped the gun a little when dropping it.

Anonymous asked: Shoutout to Karkat poking his friends in the background! Terezi (crying over Dave) and now Soloux (talking to Terezi). Karkat isn’t sure what the right response is but wants to be included! Reminds me of actual cats, just putting a paw on you for no discernible reason. @manorinthewoods asked: I'd like to note that Karkat poking Terezi's tears is the same sprite (and same 'poooke'!) as Karkat poking Sollux's burnt-out eyesockets. ~LOSS (12/6/24)

My man just likes poking.

@alicesoinions asked: not much to say just wanted to say I really enjoy your liveblog!!

Glad you're enjoying!

I've actually got a few new followers recently. Maybe I'm showing up in people's recommendations?

@heliotropopause asked: Dream bubbles are pretty neat, eh? Neat enough to inspire half of HtN, I'd bet.

…wait.

Oh my god, you're right. It's literally a River Bubble. They're both located in afterlives, for crying out loud!

Anonymous asked: Wanted to thank your liveblog for reminding me of a lot that I had flat out missed in canon, due to not putting it together or just reading too quickly. Most recently and notably on my mind right now, is that Feferi is the one who set up the dreambubbles!!! I had always thought that they were just a part of the world that readers didn’t know about yet, like how we weren’t yet introduced to Alternia and it’s moons until act 5. This went right over my head and it has me absolutely REELING (fishing pun included just for fef!!)

Feferi truly is the MVP.

I wonder what happened to dead Players before the Bubbles?

They're certainly not the only type of afterlife in the multiverse. Alternia has at least two types of undead, which implies that the Players are very, very lucky to have retained their personhood postmortem. Imagine this was what Feferi looked like in Jade's dream.

Anonymous asked: Knowing sollux, he probably already had coded his tech to recognize if his speech ever changed, and gave himself a different typing quirk for it, long ago. Not because he knew or thought it would happen, but because he thought it would be a fun coding project ((I know nothing about coding))

And yet, you somehow know exactly how we think.

Anonymous asked: Something I hadn’t really thought about, until I started reading this liveblog, is how much VRISKA ((autocorrect decided to caps that and I’m leaving it in lol)) was manipul8ted into a lot of her violence. Scratch pushed her towards vengeance against Aradia, and she didn’t want to go through with it. Did VRISKA ever tell anyone how much of her live she spent resisting these forces, or even really acknowledge it? She didn’t hide Spidermom, and arguably her need to kill other trolls was to prevent herself from being killed. BUT on the other hand, VRISKA voice would make it sound like a compliment “I almost didn’t kill you why don’t you appreciate me!!!!!!!!”

The thing is, VRISKA probably felt a lot of social pressure not to tell people she was coerced into her crimes. That would reveal that she was reluctant to kill, which is the opposite of what the Empire wants.

@manorinthewoods asked: You could have written a great Homestuck if you'd been Hussie. I think your style, if translated from reacting-to-comic to making-comic, would work great with what Homestuck is, and could have made a better product. I think you'd make a cerebral Homestuck, which would have been cool to read, except I would have botched reading it like I botched reading Homestuck in our Alpha Timeline. ~LOSS (11/6/24)

Thank you! I've tried to write before, actually, but whenever I reread my stories, they come off as esoteric, stilted and a little hard to follow. It's not an insurmountable problem, of course, and I really need to take a writing workshop at some point.

I'd love to make a webcomic, too, but my art also leaves a lot to be desired. I can adapt sprites just fine, but original drawings are hard, guys. Did anyone else know about this?

Anonymous asked: i counted just now, and only like 24 out of all 54 paradox space comics have zero spoilers. some of them are certainly more substantial than others (e.g. i counted ones that include jade’s consorts that you havent seen yet as spoilers) but a lot of them have Very Big Spoilers

It would have been awfully messy. I'm probably just going to read it once I've reached the Gigapause of 2013, and no longer need to worry about spoilers.

@bladekindeyewear asked: “Nepeta wasn't trying to pacify Equius, nor did she seem to be fulfilling any rigidly defined 'role' in his life. They just came off as very good friends, and their relationship was much better for it.” Well, maybe we ought to look at it through the lens of real relationships between friends? Once a healthy dynamic and boundaries are established, perhaps Moirails stabilize as long as they’re together.

That's a good way to interpret moirallegence - although, it does raise an issue with the quadrant that I'll be discussing on its own post, once I've finished the comp. There's no point in prehashing what I'm about to say, so I'll see you there!

Anonymous asked: karkats message didn't go through because of trollians narrative awareness feature, where it'll display something different in service of one of the several "all"-seeing entities, of which the reader is one <3 watsonian and doylist explanations are kissing with tongue

Since the fourth wall is an actual, physical piece of technology in this world, this isn't even that far-fetched!

@sashonya asked: So, as the session's timers continues to count down, what do you think will happen after The Scratch?

Beyond 'the session ends', it's difficult to say for sure. I think the two most likely possibilities are that the kids start exploring other sessions, or travel to a location completely outside the current scope of the comic. I am, of course, hoping for both.

@ericvilas asked: "I still believe that out of all the trolls, Karkat’s traits were featured the most prominently in humanity" yeah, I guess even humans aren't free from the effects of carcinization

CG: THERE IS ONLY ONE STEP. CG: AND IT IS ME.

[personasintro]

Round 3 of commissions is happening!

What is a special round of commission?

It’s a different round of commissions I usually make, the only difference is in options which will be listed below

Rules of special round:

This round of commissions is Christmas and NYE themed

The payment is through ko-fi where you make a donation

These stories are supposed to be drabbles, please keep that in mind! Short, not too heavy plotted

The only option for this round is a 4k drabble, costs 20€ (4 coffees)

If you’re really interested, please continue to read rules and see if you’re comfortable with them! 

The stories will be posted on this blog right away (as soon as I’m finished with them), so you won’t get the story send through email (privately). Of course, you can stay as anonymous commissioner if you’d like that! I totally respect that! 

The name for the reader will stay as y/n as usual, so no personalized names.

C A T E G O R I E S 

(You don’t have to choose just one from each category; you can mix it up to your liking!) 

Genre: 

Fluff

Angst

Smut

Tropes:

This one's up to you. You don't have to choose a trope if you don't want to, you could leave it up to me and I'll come up with something. You can easily send me a brief description of your commission and I'll take care of the rest :)

In case I'm not comfortable with your chosen trope, I'll tell you and we will discuss it further!

Members/pairings: 

Any member of BTS :) / member x f!reader

Kinks, more details: 

We can always discuss more details in the message!

I want a commission, what should I do?

This time I decided to directly communicate with you through ko-fi site. So in case you're interested in a commission, send me a message there. We will communicate through there ♡

If you haven't support me on ko-fi before, you won't be able to send me a message there. So just comment under this post and I'll contact you!

If you have any questions, feel free to send me an ask or private message on my ko–fi (https://ko-fi.com/personasintro)

[suchusoid]

How other villains worked better as sympathetic where the league failed

I know I said I was going to make a post regarding my final oc villain, anonymous, but due to recents events, i just dont have the energy to do so. To clear my mind, I've decided to take a break from oc posts and talk about how certain character archetypes from this series are done betger by other shows, movies and books, starting with the league of villains.

For this comparision, I'll be comparing the LOV with a group of villains that actually inspired my oc (ghoulian my beloved) the sadler trio from the goosebumps book "ghost beach"

Is probably what you're thinking. The sadler trio are the ghosts of a trio of immigrant siblings from england who traveled to new england in hopes of a better life. Unfortunately, they ended up dying in cold and have roamed the beach as ghosts for 300 years. They long for companions in death and plan to take their distant cousins jerry and terri to the grave.

Louisa is the girl with the pigtails and velvet dress, sam is the boy with the white hair and black vest, and nat is the boy with the bowl cut and the striped t shirt, remember that now.

The first thing I want to talk about is the family dynamics

The leagues bonds are, for a lack of a better word, shaky. While we do see certain memebers like twice and toga showing genuinely nice moments of friendship, and magne being a well liked and respected member, earning her the title of "big sis mags", other members like shigaraki and dabi contradict the found family dynamic the story and fandom are selling. Shigaraki barely shows any care for his fellow members, when magne died, he was more concerned about staying on top while toga and twice actually wanted to avenge their fallen ally. Shigaraki also doesnt have any reaction to twices death either. Dabi is honestly worse as he refuses to pitch in at times, called spinner a derogetory slur, and then pulled a bruno marcotulli and said he shouldnt get upset about it. Spinners motives also dont align with shigarakis in the slightest, to the point where they straight up had to retcon his motives not once, but twice, just to make shigaraki seem like a good leader. Truth is their motives and personalities clash too hard for their dynamic not to feel forced.

The sadlers on the other hand actually do show genuine care and concern for each other, most notably when nat clings to louisa as a source of comfort when he gets scared and sam being the mediator and voice of reason, showing how they do care for eachother and work cohesively as a group, while the league is more dysfunctional than a 50's sitcom family.

Next is motives, the leagues motives at the end of the day, are to cause destruction and misery to whoever they please with no consequences, I really dont know how else to put it. Shigaraki wants to destroy everything, dabi wants to hurt his father and is willing to drag innocent people into the mix, toga gets off to killing, and the other three are just along for the ride with no qualms about their peers actions. This really doesnt help making them sympathetic when the story tries to shove a bunch of sad backstories in our face and say "please feel bad for them!"

Comparitively, the sadlers motives are far more understandable. At the end of the day, all they want is companionship. Its far more easy to get behind "we were robbed lf a decent life and have lived in solidarity on this beach for centuries with a guy whos been planning our downfall, we desperately want you to stay with us" as opposed to " we are societal outcasts who just want to lash out and makes things worse for everyone else without even trying to combat the societal issues that caused things in the first place."

On top of that, the sadlers actions, which include trying to kill harrison sadler( the ghost hunter) attempting to kill jerry and terri, and eating a dog (dogs can sense ghosts and would give them away.), while morally reprehensible , come from a place of desperation as opposed to malice. The sadler trio never take enjoyment out of their actions. Heck, when its revealed they're ghosts there practically on their hands and knees begging the twins to stay with them.

Thisis unlike the league, who take full pleasure in hurting others to achieve their goals *cough* toga *cough* shigaraki * cough* dabi * cough*.

Lastly is their fates, the sadlers are trpaped in magic cave the essentially sends ghosts to the afterlife and puts them to rest. Makes sense since their motives were from them being stuck in a proverbial limbo.

The leaghes fate is hori hyping up them being saved... and then all die or just get arrested, making their whole arcs feel like a waste of time.

Phew, now thats cleared up my min, I may get to doing anonymous' character sheet sometime soon, let me know what you guys think, and have a good evening!

[red-viewe]

I need a part two of 'Dear secret admirer' twisted wonderland fanfic! That was so good.

If there is a rivalry with these boys this is going to be one of my top ten favorite fics! PART 2!!!!!!!!!!! PART 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear secret admirer(part✌)

'In which he sends you an anonymous gift, anonymously.

Part 1

---

'I'll stay for decades just to see you everyday. You've ruined me. You've engraved yourself into my heart, and now my stupid heart yearns for your presence everyday. You should face the consequences of your actions.

-your secret admirer.'

Leona puts the note into an envelope, sealing it and uses tape to put it on a small box. Today was just like any other day, where he was skipping classes- again. But this time was not napping, but was secretly preparing a present for the Ramshackle prefect. Inside the box, was a small but sharp custom made pocket dagger with (eye color) details. The envelope was black, and contained his short but sweet note and pressed flowers.

Leona Kingscholar was a man who liked taking naps, so he was almost, if not- always at his favorite napping spot, the botanical garden. Y/n passed by everyday, to either stop to pick some flowers or to chat with a student, you'd never go a day without going to the garden.

So it was inevitable that you and the beastman would enounter. Whether it was some back and forth banter or some random topic, he expected to be able to see your face everyday. He started staring at you whenever you would pass by, and commanded the sacanaclaw students to treat you nice and with respect. Soon, it became too much for him to ignore.

He had fallen in love, and it's all your fault.

Leona closes his eyes, imagining your warmth hugging him, and his face warms up.

"Damn you, herbivore."

---

"Stay with me and we can live happily forrrrevvvverrerr and we can hug and kiss and live each other so much. I hope when i confess, you return my feelings.

-love, your secret admirer"

Floyd was known for being seen as scary or intimidating- when really he just had alot of mood swings. It used to be lonely, but now didn't care.

However, Floyd leech found himself falling in love with a Shrimp who was just so...understanding?

You were one of the few people stayed with him no matter what.

The way you always listened to how he was feeling, and that you wouldn't give up trying to understand his feelings, the way that you would hug him and make him blush whenever you cheered him on. Th e way that you would make a witty remark back at him whenever you two were in a bickering type of mood. He loves you so much, it wasn't hard to see.

"Floyd, do you have a crush on the prefect?" Jade asked after Floyd just told him in detàil what you didn't and did like on pizza.

Floyd smiled widely, a faint blush reaching his cheeks. "Maybe."

"You don't want to scare them, maybe try sending them anonymous gifts slowly confessing your love so it's easier." Jade suggested one day, when Floyd was complaining about how hard it was not being able to confess his love without making it weird.

Floyd's face brightened at the idea, thanking his brother before excitedly making your gift.

The box was black, and covered in all kinds of stickers and was tied together with a messy teal ribbon. Inside, was a pair of gloves he decorated (with the help of jade and azul) and 3 packs of sea themed stickers.

Proud of his work, Floyd almost gave it to you in person before Jade stopping him and reminding him,

"Floyd you can't give it to them in person, it's supposed to be anonymous."

----

Red's note

The 2nd part of the ask of where yhey have somesort of rivalry if DUCH A CRUNCHY IDEA i already have a fic abt it but i ahve to finish it😍👊 whether i release it or not is dependent on my mood when i finish it😚

[samstclair]

Kendall Roy’s Princess

Kendall Roy X Reader

Anonymous Request -

"Sam Saint Clair! Yes! Hello! Listen, I'll be quick and easy about this - Reader x Kendall Roy. That's it. Alright? Maybe she works at Waystar? Who knows. Create a lil power dynamic with it? Rags to riches? I don't know you do you like always! I know it's not completely morally right given it's the workplace but since when is Succession focused on morals?!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Of all the possible careers in the world, with literally every single possible line of work, there was one you never thought you'd step into - and that one was corporate...

Corporate.

Like ew honestly. The word might as well carry radiation, because every time you heard it in passing it was as if you were a victim in the Chernobyl disaster and old radioactive wounds had just been split open again to fill you with a pretty bad fear and dread. Like who the fuck wants to work in a cubicle? Be real for a second.

But nonetheless, here you were - Waystar Royco in the Big Apple, New York City. Some say it's the biggest apple of them all. You personally felt that honey crisp apples were bigger than the average apple, but, New York was just no ordinary apple - it was a city. And a big, busy city at that.

You really thought about that saying, "don't knock it 'til you try it!" and how based the person who ever came up with that was. There was something so sophisticated when you put on those black heels, that white buttoned up shirt and little slutty plaid (or gingham, whichever you prefer!) skirt. You've never seen the show Mad Men but imagined that was the vibe.

"I'm just a woman in the workplace", you'd recite to yourself as you dressed up in the morning, hyping your self-esteem UP. "Just a woman doing some serious business."

You also had no fucking idea as to what that 'business' was, and in all seriousness you weren't really sure what Waystar was all about. You would Google it at work, but something in your eye receptors or whatever blocked your brain from processing the information. Needless to say, you're a bimbo.

As you fixed your hair into a messy bun, but not too messy because that's not work appropriate, you reminisced on your little rags to riches story. You were just a girl who dropped out of theater school for reasons not important. Some say you were expelled but honestly tomayto tomahto. Everyone will always have their own opinions.

It wasn't all that hard, now that you were knee-deep into the company. It had first seemed overwhelming and intimidating, but honestly, it was really just running around and giving people papers, coffee, other mumbo jumbo like that. What you learned pretty quickly, was that if you walked fast and made it look like you had something on your mind, then no one would bother you because you looked busy. Your leg muscles went CRAZY so there was no need for some stair master bullshit.

You were just an ordinary assistant, mainly for the Logan Roy himself. There was a sense of importance and untouchability with every step your heels took in that fat building, you were literally Logan's number one bitch, (that's what he liked to call you in confidence!). And no one could tell you shit and that's that. You were basically hands off and free from any critique by your peers, even if you sucked donkey ass at your job.

Honestly the only reason he hired you because he liked how kinda oblivious (and a bit dumb) you were, since you never really pestered him with questions about what he was doing and you just do what you're told. "You're not annoying as fuck like my goddamned kids," he'd say. He thought you always stayed in your own lane because you were being respectful and minded your own business, but in actuality it was because you had no fucking clue what they were talking about the great majority of the time. If they weren't speaking in weird riddles and metaphors and similes, they were talking something about numbers. And math wasn't your forte. You literally just found out that "pi" actually meant 3.14 and wasn't actually slang for pumpkin/apple pie.

No one knew how you got the job or what qualifications you even had, but it didn't matter. No, it was all just between you and Lowgie Bear <3 (that was you liked to call him in confidence and was also the name for his contact on your phone). Even if you were on your work laptop playing games like Papa's Pizzeria, no one would even dare to ask if you were actually working. You were so focused on those games it looked as though you were popping some fun big numbers on Excel.

That morning when you got to the office, you did your usual - said hello to the people at front desk, hoped inside the elevator, listened to the click and clack of your heels, got to your office, prepared some coffee, and while that was brewing you signed into your computer and printed out the daily report. While that printed, you lit up your TJ Maxx candle, played some ambient mukbang ASMR on full blast (you're low-key deaf) and looked out the window into that concrete jungle Alicia Keys called New York. You always got to work bright and early, and that was mainly because you lived in an extra mailroom on the last floor in the basement. Logan said it was because he always wanted to keep you close.

It was a beautiful, clear morning, free of any suspicious airplanes. One of your favorite things to do was recite to yourself "I built this." Even though you didn't have literally one thing to do with the construction and knew nothing about scaffolding, it was a good affirmation that helped give you the confidence for the day. You felt like a mother holding her coffee watching her children rip those gifts to shreds like gross little rabid gremlins.

You loved having your new office. It originally belonged to Roman, Logan's son, who you swore was the youngest of all his children but that was actually Shiv. Despite birth records, you still didn't believe he wasn't the youngest. It arguably caused some premature strife between you and Roman when you acquired his office, but you didn't really care. Even after you insulted him the first time you met him, saying he "looked like that Home Alone kid",  from that moment forward he had such a distaste and hatred for you, finding the comment extremely offensive. But like I said you didn't really care tbh. It was the truth and you wanted nothing to do with him, something Logan was also keen on. He always protected you. He was ride or die <3 Some might stay he was a stan <3

A knock came at your door. You whipped around in your rolling chair to see your girl - Gerri.

"Good morning, Gerri!" you said.

She smiled. She was so mother. "Y/N, remember - you can't light candles. It's a fire hazard." She smirked at your forgetfulness. She reminded you of a cute Littlest Pet Shop mouse.

You blew it out. "Yeah, I know, it just always stinks of an office in here. So what if a little a Vanilla Bean causes a little fire? A little fire never hurt anyone."

"I guess, Y/N. Until it does."

"Until it does what?"

"Never mind. Listen, Logan's in a meeting right now. Give him about a quarter to nine before you bring him his daily report or whatever."

"Sure," you said. Like what was previously said, math was not your forte. You only thought a quarter was for two things - a genre of coin and the quarter pounder, which was what you ordered when you resorted to McDonalds when Burger King wasn't available. Since when is a quarter involved in time?

"What are those daily reports about, anyway? I've always wondered," Gerri asked curiously before closing the door.

"Oh, Gerri, I would tell you. But Logan said he'll knock me off the side of a cruise ship like those women if I spilled."

Gerri didn't seem that content about what you said, giving what you know was a fake smile, and closed the door behind her as she left to the meeting. As you struggled to find out what a quarter meant, it just so happened you saw through the glass a tall ass man child limp by your room.

You got up and ran to the door. "Greg!" you called in a harsh whisper, but wasn't successful as a whisper since you saw everyone's head clocked towards you from their desks. "Greg!"

He turned and lit up when he saw you, literally like the child he is. He limped to your door. "Y/N, hey, good morning. What's up?"

"Why are you limping?" you asked, confused as to why he was limping.

"Oh, well, uh," he hesitated and looked around. "Tom and I were sitting at this like, ATN meeting, like across from each other? We started playing - well, are you familiar with the game 'footsies'? Well, we were getting pretty, I guess, into it? I mean, Tom a little more-so than me? And he I guess started to get upset because I was winning? But I'm not completely sure how to win footsies? So he got a little carried away, I guess? He started hitting me quite violently with his foot, like no longer in the playful manner? Anyway, my leg's all bruised -"

"- Greg I have a question. What's a quarter to nine mean?"

He thought for a moment. He needed to lean down a bit for your short ass to hear the whisper. "A quarter? You mean like the coin? Or the burger -"

"No dumbass bitch, a quarter to nine."

"Ohhhh," he said, "sorry, my, or - our separation, like our distance in height prevented me from hearing like, the rest of your sentence. I believe a quarter to nine is, if my knowledge doesn't precede me, eight forty-five."

"Okay great thanks!" you closed the door behind him soon after. You liked Greg, but was sure not to be around him for too long, as anywhere Greg was, so was Tom. And Tom was not your favorite to be around when you were sober. Greg was like a cub and Tom was the mama bear. Wherever there's a cub, the mama was always near. Cocaine bear proved that. #ripRayLiotta

Once that quarter to eight came, you grabbed Logan's favorite cup of coffee, (it was a mug that read "I'm Grumpy Without My Coffee" with Grumpy Cat's face on it #ripGrumpyCat) and the daily report that was freshly printed. You began to walk down the hall towards his office. He had his blinds down, so upon entering you literally didn't expect every fucking person and their mother to be there.

You barged in, "Lowgie Bear! I have you daily repor -" and you were shell shocked. Logan was sat at his desk, hands together like a villain, surrounded by literally everyone. Gerri, Frank, Karl, Stewy, Hugo, Karolina, Roman, Shiv, Greg (and next to him mama bear Tom) and - Kendall.

Kendall. Ken. Kenny.

What was there to say? You froze staring at his fine Mickey Mouse personified face.

You and Kendall - well, you two had history. Actually, it was barely history but there was some pretext. Basically, ever since the first time you met, there was tension. And the good tension, not that Roman type of tension...................................................................

You remembered where you were the day before you met Kendall - the day before you met any of the Roys - boxes in your arms filled with all your stuff from your dorm, standing on some New York street, something like a corner and third, lost like a rat who was kicked out from his borough. All you had to eat that day was a hot dog from the floor that you wrestled a rat for to get. You stood there embarrassingly as cars flew by you, splashing puddles of water all over your Juicy tracksuit. You hated being helpless on the street - the last time that happened a taxi screeecccchheeeddddd on the side of the corner. You didn't want that to happen again.

Then, you felt your phone buzz against your fat butt. You put one of the boxes down, but it actually slipped and some of your shit fell down the sewer drain.

"Motherfucker!" you yelled, ready to cry. Things were definitely not going your way. "What's a girl to fucking do?! Who the fuck is this?"

You reached to your pocket and pulled out your iPhone 4s. It was a number you didn't recognize, but you weren't about to just hang up. No, you were going to see who the fuck decided to give you a little ring and caused your fake Puka shell necklace, Medellín snow globe, pink Barbie Benadryl pills, and extra large tampons to fall into the sewers. Tampons were expensive in today's economy, after all that inflation business or whatever.

"What, bitch?" you snapped.

"Y/N! Hey, it's Willa!"

"Oh my God, Willa, girl, hey!" you smiled, your voice flipping into your true friendly self. Thank god it was her, because being a Karen wasn't your style. That lifestyle was for the Karen's. "Where've you been?"

"Y/N, what a couple of months it's been, you won't believe. I'm calling from my boyfriend's phone, I lost mine."

"Your boyfriend?" you thought, "oh yeah, Zachary, right?"

"No, Connor, actually. Listen, I wanna hang out with you! Connor's going to be out of town for a couple days, you know, work and stuff, but his family is having this little getty at his dad's house. Come with me!"

"Willa I would so love to! When is it?"

"Tomorrow night. I can pick you up at your dorm!"

"Actually Willa," you said, "that can't happen. I got kicked out. Long story. I'm actually homeless as we speak."

"Oh, really? Look it's okay, I can get you a hotel room until you find a place to stay. I would let you stay at me and Connor's, but he gets paranoid someone's gonna take his Napoleonic memorabilia."

"Yeah totally that makes sense. Thanks a bunch!"

Willa, being your girl, got you that hotel room. And that shit was nice as fuck like Scarface when Tony Montana was in that bathtub smoking that cigar. It made you so happy to know your girl Willa got her sugar daddy. You both met in a theater production you were forced to go to for school, but the experience was a lot less boring when you met her. From that day on, you two were destined to be just a couple of girlies. She was like a breath of fresh shy white girl that you couldn't find anywhere else.

You were sitting in the bathtub that resembles Tony Montana's and had accidentally knocked out the fuck out when your phone rang. Thank god it woke you up cause you were about three more minutes before you were completely submerged and could've drowned :/ . You jumped up and scrambled for your phone on the bathroom counter, suds of soap all over your head that blocked your vision. It was Willa.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Y/N, you ready? I'm downstairs in the car."

"Uh, yeah I am! Just give me like five, girlie!" you hung up, catapulted your phone across the room, jumped out of the scorching hot tub butt ass naked and ran for your dress that laid out on the bed. You dried yourself of all the suds with the towel before catapulting that out too.

"We'll just have to go braless and pantiless. No bras, no panties! No bras, no panties!" you repeated in an effort to justify the lack of bras and panties. You then threw your dress over you, shoved your heels on, and picked up your hair in a clip. "No bras, no panties!"

Just as you were out for the door, you saw yourself in the mirror and wanted to throw up - the anxiety had built in you and you felt your butt clench. You needed to shit but there was literally no time for this.

"Move, bitch!" you yelled at a guest as you bolted down the hallway towards the elevator, slamming them against the wall. Guests must've thought you planted a bomb or something in your room with how manic you looked and how fast your legs were taking you.

"STOMP! STOMP! SPLAT SPLAT SPLAT!", your feet said as you ran. It was the best thing you knew how to do.

Water was still dripping down your leg, and once you got outside the cold New York wind intensified the coolness of it so much so that it was basically stinging. It stung. You jumped over all five steps and landed on the ground, banging your hand on the tinted window.

"Let me in! Let me in! LET ME INNNNNNN!!!!!!" you yelled. The window rolled down, revealing your girl, Willa.

"Jesus Christ, Y/N, what's wrong? Hop in!"

You jumped through the window feet first despite the door being opened moments prior.

You two were in the backseat, now off to the gala! "This is a nice car," you said. "Presidential type. Like, JFK would've loved this."

"JFK?"

"John Fitzgerald Kennedy? Like, it's so secretive. He would've liked it because it could've prevented his death, you know. No one can see inside."

Willa's stares lingered on you for several moments before she finally said something. You couldn't talk much after because you were too winded.

"Y/N, are you okay?"

You turned away from the window and looked to her. You tried to smile, but you were too tired too. It looked like a part of your face was melting. "Yeah girl I'm fine. You look great! Why do you ask?"

"Just, cause, uh," she looked you up and down, "you're dripping wet."

"Yeah it was raining."

"Raining? But it's been clear all day -"

"In the room. I mean my hotel room," you chuckled, "it was raining in my hotel room."

She was definitely confused.

"You know, leaks and all," you finished. You thought it best to move on. "Do you have any makeup on you? I thought I should go all natural, you know, no makeup. But now I'm regretting my decision."

"Yeah, I think I have mascara," she opened her purse and pulled it out, giving it to you.

"Better than Sex, oh my god that's like vintage. Like 2016 vintage," you said and used your phone as a reflection to put it on. Some bumps in the road caused the wand to jam into your eye causing it to go red but nonetheless your lashes were coated. You gave it back. You checked how you now looked in the reflection of the car - but it just seemed you had pink eyes in both eyes. Uh oh.

"That's all I have, Y/N, I'm sorry," Willa said, still shuffling through her ludicrously capacious bag.

"No, it's okay. Sometimes mascara is all you need! But sometimes it's not. How come you invited me? Not that I wouldn't have wanted to come, but like, what happened with Connor?"

"Oh you know, he's on this campaign tour thing and all that. I just didn't want to go alone," she chuckled, embarrassed.

"Sounds fun," you said. "Who's this family?"

"The Roys. They're a bit crazy."

You laughed. "What do you mean, crazy? I've seen crazy, heck - you've seen crazy. We were literally in theater together. I bet they aren't even that bad."

"No, they're pretty bad. They can all be pretty mean. And judgey. They're like, blood related but not actually a family, you know? So, like, don't engage with them too much. They don't like when you look in their eyes for too long. So where'd you get your dress? It's so pretty."

"Goodwill," you said confidently. "Isn't it pretty? It makes my ass look fat bro."

You shifted over to show her, struggling as you were still wet and inadvertently created a slip and slide on the leather seats.

She agreed it was fat. "Wow, that's from Goodwill? I wouldn't have thought."

You sat back down. "Of course, what, you think I was gonna buy a dress? I'm broke, remember."

"Well, wait, didn't you have that money from Colombia?"

"Well who says I bought it," you said, biting your tongue with a smile, "also don't bring up Colombia."

You two had finally made it to Logan's penthouse and pulled up outside. You both stepped out and entered, going into the elevator.

"Willa, this is like, rich rich," you whispered.

"I told you," she whispered back.

Once inside the penthouse, you knew you had to unlock your inner theater girl - not the annoying one, but the ACTING one. You had to unlock the Y/N self that belonged here - with the upper echelon of society. This was your debut.

You quickly lost Willa. One minute she was with you in the mess of all these people, and the next moment she was gone. But you couldn't let it throw you off - sometimes in theater, you know since it's live, mistakes happen! The show must go on!

You grabbed a glass of champagne off the tray of a waiter and stood up straighter. You sipped, and despite it tasting like expired sparkling water, you sipped and sipped. You then downed three others - that liquid courage had now been activated and in full effect.

"Man this tastes like dick," you thought. Rich people really did have shitty taste.

The air smelled of expensive cologne and perfume, you wondered if their noses built a tolerance to how strong it was because it was extremely overwhelming and frankly nauseating. Maybe all the coke they do blocks sensory receptors? Who knows, but Jesus Christ it was as if there was an oil spill that actually smelled good but not too good when it's all mixed together. So yeah basically an oil spill in the water but there's no Dawn to save it.

You felt your tummy rumble.

Mama's getting hungry...mama needs to eat so the monster doesn't come out....

But it didn't take long for you to realize that it wasn't cause you were hungry. After all, you more than helped yourself to the snack bar, basically chilling there for like fifteen minutes fucking up everything they had to offer. Rich people didn't seem to like eating, because all the food was barely touched. How ungrateful. The last thing you had to eat was that hot dog you had to roundhouse kick that rat to the ground.

No, it was that very familiar feeling - the feeling when your bowels are incontrollable and on fire. Your body tensed and your heart began to race - you needed to shit. But when didn't you?

You darted (and farted) in every direction, looking for a door that appeared to resemble a bathroom. You felt that anxiety amp up as you failed to find one. You then began to walk around, essentially crop-dusting, still searching but keeping the composure of your rich socialite character you were playing tonight. Never mind the beads of sweat that ran down your face and the shortness of your breath that resembled an asthma attack.

"Y/N! There you are, I thought I lost you!" you turned and saw your girl, Willa. "I was looking for you, I even went to the food bar looking for you -"

"Willa where the fuck is the bathroom in this bitch? I'm hurting," you ordered. "I'm hurting bad."

"Oh, it's literally right behind you. Go in, I'll wait out here. I wanna introduce you to some people -"

You turned to find a door and pushed that shit open, revealing a beautiful porcelain toilet. You entered and shut the door behind you before Willa could even finish.

You hit that toilet and everything, and I mean everything, came out. You desecrated that once beautiful porcelain toilet. The formation was solid, meaning you were healthy! You smiled, you loved solid ones. It made you feel so healthy. Anyway you looked around the bathroom for any refreshers or sprays - you didn't wanna exactly leave your scent in here. But honestly you weren't scared if you did, their colognes and perfumes could overpower it.

Once you finished, you wiped front to back cause you're not a degenerate and flushed, then flushed again to rid any remaining skid marks to cover any evidence. After all, girl's don't shit. You washed your hands on the beautiful porcelain sink and took yourself in in the mirror - you always  looked and felt renewed after emptying yourself. Who needs coke when you have your natural bodily processes?

You noticed some q-tips that were scattered around, snapped in two, and some pieces of magazines ripped all over the floor. You looked below to the trash bin, and saw all sorts of broken decor, more q-tips and magazine pieces stuffed inside. There was also a broken hairdryer and smears of black on the cabinets. It appeared a lot of violence had went down.

"They must've had a crazy number two," you thought. You laughed to yourself, "Oh, how I've been there."

Once you washed up and after taking some grainy selfies on your iPhone 4s, you went back outside and saw your girl Willa waiting.

"Relieved?"

"Oh, girl, always. It's like spiritual meditation, you know," you said. "Anyway, Willa, you told me this was a getty - but this is like an actual party." You couldn't help but feel yourself smirk at all the possibilities - the champagne was hitting. Willa seemed to read you like a book.

"Y/N, no, I know what you're thinking. Yeah it's more of a party than a getty, but it's not a party party. You can't get 'faded' or 'off da juice' or whatever you like to say. Just don't embarrass me, please. These people are not fans of plus ones," Willa explained, sure to make sure that you got the vibe. You did and assured her. After all, getting fucked up wasn't a part of your character in tonight's script!

"It's okay, Willa, I won't. I thought these rich people would have good alcohol, but after having some to calm the nerves, you know, it's really not that good. Honestly I think I shit most of it out. Liquidated, you know?" you bit your tongue like a mom, but you didn't realize when you did since it was ingrained in who you were, "See? I'm fitting in just fine with these business people!"

Willa began to introduce to you to a bunch of the people there, but you honestly started to get overwhelmed. There was no differentiating between them, they were all old white people and you forgot their names the moment after Willa said them, so you just opted to referring to everyone as "girlie". Some didn't like it but some people don't like seeing a woman succeed.

"Hey, Willa, I'm gonna take a break. It's just a lot of people to take in right now, you know? It's a lot at once," you said. Willa understood and was going to talk to some others, leaving you back to yourself.

You got bored pretty quick. You weren't talking to anyone but the character you were playing was also getting bored. If you couldn't drink, then what fun was there to do? No one was dancing, no one was getting 'lit'. But there was one thing you knew - and that was that someone here had drugs. Like, rich people drugs. You weren't just about to do ketamine or bath salts, but maybe weed? You handled yourself well when you were high and maybe it could help this experience altogether?

You began to scope around for someone who resembled a stoner. It was pretty difficult because everyone was wearing nice outfits like suits and dresses, so picking out who in the building that looked like they skated and listened to Odd Future was proving difficult.

"My god, what's a girl gotta do to smoke around here?" you thought.

And then - you found him. He was abnormally tall and definitely looked like he might be a pothead. He was standing outside on the balcony, looking clueless like a puppy or some shit. Man definitely didn't belong here.

"These nepo babies", you thought to yourself as you b-lined towards him.

"Hey, can I smoke with you?" you asked. He turned and looked down at you. You didn't feel you were that short but brother in Christ this man was tall.

"Uh, I'm sorry? I don't think we've met," he extended his hand out for a shake. You shook it, but didn't like it, "I'm Greg, I'm, uh, I'm Logan's nephew. Well, great nephew, technically. But we've like, fostered a relationship, where I'm more of a nephew than a great nephew -"

"- Yeah that's great I'm sure you're great. I'm Y/N. Do you have weed? Mama - I mean, I could use some."

The tall dude named Greg the great nephew smiled like a little boy, "Yeah I do. I get you, it's a lot of people around. That's how I felt when I first got here, you know. Perhaps we should go to the other side of the terrace, perhaps a more secluded area?"

"Yeah whatever," you said. You followed him a little farther down the balcony, behind some shrubbery that blocked you from the sight of all the other rich old people. He stuck his hand inside his pocket and pulled out a small baggie of weed. He continued to shuffle through, but seemed to have lost something. "Oh shit, I forgot the wrappers at home."

There was no way you were going to miss out cause this dodo bird forgot wrappers. "That's okay," you spat. "Stay here, I'll be right back."

You walked back out into the balcony, then back to inside to the food bar. You grabbed some slimy slices of cheese and salami, then went back out to meet Greg.

"Here, use these," you presented him the slices of salami and cheese, but there was no thought behind his blue Miley eyes.

"Uh, what?"

"Roll with these. I've done it before, here, give me," you grabbed the baggie from his hands and began to scatter the bud in a straight little line across the salami and cheese. You then rolled it up tightly, licking the ends shut and presenting it to Greg, who was safe to stay, astonished.

"You really just crafted a doobie out of salami and cheese?" he said, in awe.

"It sucks being poor. You learn your way around things. I also saw this on a clip on YouTube from that show Extreme Cheapskates. Here," you gave him the deli spliff and began to roll another.

"Does this thing really work?" Greg asked you, inspecting it.

"Okay, Grav3yardgirl," you said. "It does. It's basically a life hack."

Greg pulled out a lighter and lit the end, taking in a drag successfully. He was still in awe.

"This is like, inventive. I mean, there is a hint of, uh, dairy and meat, but it's not actually that bad. It's like a true bodega joint. It's just missing the bagel and the salami would have to be bacon instead."

You lit up your joint and you were set - this was it. You looked over the balcony and taking in the city and those hits. You felt like Remy from Ratatouille eating the strawberry and cheese, all the flavors were coming together. It was disgusting at first, but tolerable after a while. Desperate times called for desperate measures, after all.

You two sat in silence for some minutes, enjoying one another's company.

"So, would you rather be trapped in a pool with a shark, or with a tiger in a cage?" he asked. You looked over to him, his eyes blood red and glossy.

"Uh, honestly," it took you a moment to process what he was saying. You felt so slow and a little stupid. "Well, how about this instead - gay son or thot daughter?"

Greg took a moment before answering. You frankly forgot what you asked by the time he answered. "Well, uh, in terms of which I'd rather have, I honestly don't know exactly. Maybe like, whatever would come first, you know, if I had a son or daughter first, maybe the logistics of the situation would play a factor," he took another moment. "Honestly this question is kinda stressing me out. Is it supposed to do that?"

"Uh, heyyyyy Gregggguuhh! What are you doing out here, buddy? I've been missing my Sporus!"

You both turned your heads pretty slowly to your left, seeing a head pop out on the side of the shrubbery. It looked as if he was floating and your inebriated self thought it actually was. He resembled Horton from Horton Hears a Who.

"Oh, uh, hey Tom," said Greg. "Tom, this is Y/N."

You waved. He came out from behind and revealed his entire body. You were relived that he wasn't floating after all.

"Y/N, huh? And from where do you sprout from, huh? From what depths have you appeared to land a spot on this balcony?"

You stared at him blankly. You saw his eyes dart from yours to both of your joints. His eyebrows furrowed.

"Are those, are you eating the food bar's deli as if it was a cigarette? Why is it all rolled in that fashion, huh Greg?"

"It's, uh, it's weed. Do you want some?" Greg offered.

"Weed? What do you mean 'weed', Greg?" he inspected Greg's salami and cheese, also in awe. He scoffed, stumped. "Well aren't you just a little brainiac scientist? What are you going to do next, Greg, are you going to make a nuke out of the potato salad?"

"It was actually, it was actually Y/N that made these."

Tom looked to you. "Really?"

Though it didn't appear as so, you were getting overwhelmed as you had gotten used to just Greg's presence, and it didn't help you were still getting over the fact Tom wasn't actually floating. All you could muster up to do was a very lazy, slightly paralyzed-looking biting tongue in your white mom way. It was really your default response.

"Uh, what was that?" Tom asked.

"What was what?" you asked back.

"That tongue thing - right there, when you bit your tongue. Wait there - you just did it again!" he said, pointing at you. You didn't realize it but you did do it again. "How'd you do that?"

"Um, I don't know you said. You just do it," you repeated it again. He seemed to really enjoy it as he began to laugh in disbelief.

"That seems fun!" he said, and he began to do the same, "it's quite fun, isn't it?" He then continued, one after the other until he got the bite right, enjoying himself. You and Greg watched with dead faces. You weren't sure for how long that lasted (it was an hour).

"Uh, the fuck is going on here? What kind of orgy is this?" another voice boomed.

A small man came out from behind. You felt your anxiety grow more now that another person was added behind the shrubbery.

"Who the fuck are you?" he asked you. His squeaky voice was one that you found extremely irritating.

"I'm me," you said, more sass in your tone to match his.

He looked to your salami cheese roll up. "The fuck is that? Wait, are you smoking weed out of what the fuck is even that," he looked closer at it, "fucking havarti cheese? I mean, how poor are you? Aren't my tax dollars for you fucking welfare checks to afford wrappers?"

Greg rose up. "It's actually, uh, pretty innovative. It just proves, I think, personally, that anything can be a wrapper if you want it to be. Like, if you set your mind to it."

"Yeah, how about that? Say can my dick be a wrapper if you 'set your mind to it'? And what about you," he turned to your direction, "what're you a fucking - a fucking mute? Who are you fucking, Helen Keller?"

You continued to stare him down. You didn't know what it was but his little presence was really starting to make you angry. A part of you had the strong urge to stand and use all your strength to knock this elf on the shelf motherfucker over the ledge. He seemed to be reading your face.

"Her name is actually Y/N," said Greg.

"Y/N, huh?" he looked to Tom, who this entire time had been practicing his mom tonguing. "The fuck is wrong with you? Why does it look like you're having a stroke?"

"Can you leave us alone," you finally said.

He whipped his head back to you, a daring look on his face. "Oh yeah, and what are you gonna do? Run to Twitter and cancel me? I'm Roman Roy, motherfucker. You can't cancel this," he motioned his entire petite body.

"You look like the kid from Home Alone," you shot back. "The one that got left alone."

Roman's face froze. He could not believe what the fuck you just said. Greg giggled but soon stopped once he realizes just how quickly and deeply Roman was made insecure.

You didn't want to linger for any longer in the awkward silence, so you quickly rose and bolted.

"That was the weirdest blunt rotation I've ever had", you thought. And you once smoked with Pablo Escobar's mom.

Fortunately, parallel to the other side the terrace was another corner covered on shrubbery. It was a perfect spot to finish off your joint, now in complete peace but not complete silence, as the party was still going on like ten feet away.

It was now nearing nighttime. The sun began to set over Alicia Key's concrete jungle.

"Hey, mind if I join?"

"Jesus Christ how many are there of you?!" you screamed, turning to your right to see who the fuck was it now disturbing your silence now.

And that was him. Kendall. You didn't know it at the time but that was Kendall Roy.

"Oh, sorry, I, uh, didn't mean to bother you -"

"No it's okay," you quickly switched up, sure to smile. "Come sit. I'm sorry, I just, I got stressed out." You giggled in embarrassment, sounding a little like Trisha Paytas.

He took the seat beside you. "No, I get it," he smiled, revealing his goofy fine ass smile, "it can get pretty annoying, all these fuckers here put in one place. Kendall."

"Y/N," you said. You then offered your roll up, "you wanna kill it?"

He took it. "Sure. I don't even know what the fuck this is, but fuck it," he placed the entire roll up into his mouth, the tip of it barely out from his lips as he took a hit. You watched, transfixed and taken aback. He began to blow out rings and laughed as he coughed. "Jesus, that's some strong fucking shit there."

You tried not to look too much at him, instead facing back forward. But you couldn't help it. Man was fine as fuck in the goofiest way. The way he blew those rings - I mean what that mouth do I don't know.

You remembered a quote you saw on a Pinterest board once - "Compliments are just the absolute best ❤️ ". Now was your time to shine and put that quote to WORK.

"Your eyebrows."

He looked over to you. "Sorry? My eyebrows?"

"They're like, thin. Like Y2K vibes. I have to use a Men's shaver to get mine like yours - but you just have them all natural."

He nodded. He didn't get what the fuck you were on about. "Thanks. So who are you?" he asked. "Who do you know here?"

"I'm Willa's friend," you replied. From then on, you two spoke the rest of the night, free from any disturbance as you two were hidden in the shrubbery. As time went on, you felt a strong connection with him, and despite him being attractive, there was somewhat of a sad presence around him, in his self-deprecating way. There was something helpless, something loser about him that you felt immensely relatable. You could tell that he lacked a mother (and honestly father) figure, something you felt immediately attached to. Not to say that just because you're a girl means you're going to have motherly instincts all the time, but it was extremely intense with this one. A part of you wanted to pick up your hair in a ponytail and let everything do the rest, but another part of you wanted to cradle this man and pop a boob out to breastfeed his ass like the mother from Barbarian did to Justin Long's character.

Later that night, he'd introduce you to his father, Logan, and that was it. You won him over as assistant when he asked you a simple question, "Y/N. What would you do with a million dollars?" he was trying to prove something to his kids but you didn't realize it then. Your answer was quick, simple, and to the point: "If I had a million dollars I would buy so many cheeseburgers and Big Macs in McDonald's. I would also go to sweet tomatoes during lunch hour and I would tell the manager I want to co-own the business. And then I would fly myself to meet harry styles and offer him some money (not like he needs it) and ask him if he can be my boyfriend. And he can't deny my proposal cause I own sweet tomatoes. And I can offer him McDonald's food and he'll love me for that."

He loved that answer. "Smart. Very smart."

From that point on, you pretty much secured your position that family.

Working at the office, you and Kendall flirted here and there, but it never became anything too serious, to your own dismay. You loved the adrenaline that came through you when you saw him at work, and weren't at all opposed to the little office romance you two had going on. A little Jim and Pam hurt no one. You'd even post on your Instagram stories a screenshot of the two and type out "me and who". Kendall hearted it every time <3

One of your favorite parts of the day was getting ready for work, where you woke up two hours earlier to do your makeup and hair, and mentally prepare yourself for when you saw him at work. You looked cute asf every time, so the days he wouldn't show - let's just say it was very difficult for you to go on. Those days always ended up being the worst and resulted in you going to an extra storage room by yourself and going absolutely ape shit and trashing the entire place to let go some of that unwanted tension from the lack of the wanted tension from Kendall.

Okay so back to the office. Again, EVERYONE was there.

You snapped out of your trance. "Oh, uh, I'll come back later!" You were about to turn around, as you were not mentally prepared for all of that, let alone Kendall. He hadn't been in the office for several days and it just so happened that you got self-diagnosed with depression at that same time. See the coincidence?

"The fuck do you want?" Roman asked. "Don't you see the adults are talking?"

"Watch it, Roman," Kendall said. He always came to your rescue and it made you all hot down there.

"Shut up," Roman said to his brother. Oh no. That was a no-no in your book, no-no.

"Shut up Home Alone bitch!" you shot back.

He glared at you. It was like a slur for that man. You saw the flashbacks from the party replay behind his eyes, it filled you with such satisfaction. "You don't tell me to shut up! What do you want? Why are you even here, huh? Wanna crack my dad's back again, huh?"

"Romulus, enough," Logan said. His voice had such power it made the room fall silent again. Roman, annoyed and upset with his father's picking of sides, gave up. He crossed his arms and turned to face the window, away from you. "I'm sorry, Y/N."

"No, it's totally okay!" you said to your boss, "I love a little office rapport!"

Logan smiled softly, his little white mustache moving upwards. He turned to Roman. "For the record, Y/N cracks backs better than any one of you morons in here can." He turned to you again. "What is it, Y/N?"

"I have the, you know," you motioned to the papers, "you know. The documents."

Logan's face lit up. "Oh yes, yes. Alright everyone, fuck off!"

Everyone looked to one another, clueless.

"Well, wait. Logan. What do we do? We need to have a decision for tonight, for the markets, before the stock closes," said Frank.

The moment the words "markets" and "stocks" came out of Frank's mouth, they were as if they were the secret code to turn your brain off. You zoned out the moment they began to blabber on, incapable of deciphering whatever the fuck they were talking about. All the big words were difficult for you to understand. In fact, you didn't understand literally anyone in this office but you did a pretty good job at pretending you did. Your usual rotation of responses were as follows:

"Oh my god yes we have to think about the numbers!" or

"Yeah, the shareholders won't be big fans of that!" or

"The stock! We need to think about how it'll affect he stock!" or

"Yes! Investors are investing!"

There were more and even though sometimes saying any of these would result you in getting pretty confused looks, playing the office bimbo was just, well, YOUR forte. Not math.

You knew they were finished talking when they all began to leave. You snapped out of your disassociation and opened the door for them as they all left. Kendall gave you a small nod (you blushed), Gerri said thank you, Tom did his little white mom tongue that he now completely mastered, and Stewy winked at you. All the others just left, except Roman, who left last. He stopped at the door, and in a whisper said, "Keep up your attitude and I'll personally hire a tech fucker to wipe all your Sims 3 files from your PC."

You ignored him and shut the door behind him, pushing and forcing him out. He couldn't do that. Do you know how hard it was to log into your computer? No one would guess your password was ImJohnnyKnoxvillesLittleTenesseeWhiskeyCowgirl123.

You walked over to Logan as he put his glasses on and inspected the papers you put in front of him. "The fuck is it today?" he looked at the papers carefully, then closely, but ultimately threw it down. "Can you read it, Y/N, the print is so fucking small!"

"Of course, Logan!" you smiled, you cleared your throat. "Okay, today's date October 13th! Today's horoscope for Libras are, (insert here an entire usual horoscope bullshit here that really doesn't mean or say anything despite having a shit ton of words and sentences that sound like they make sense but they don't)."

Logan took a second after you finished. He began to nod. "Sounds about fucking right. I'm surrounded by MORONS!" he looked to you, "Not you, Y/N, you're just a bimbo."

"Aw, thanks, of course! Do you need anything else?"

"Yes, actually. I don't know how to get that goddamned Alexa to fucking work! Can you turn it on for me, Y/N, or fix it. Whatever the fuck, just do something about it!"

You walked over to it, initially not believing you could even try to attack the root of the problem. But, it wasn't hard. It was plugged out of its socket. No biggie. "Fixed it!"

"Thank you, Y/N, can you play that uh," he sat, thinking in his old man brain, "that woman."

"What woman?" you asked.

"Erm, that woman you know the one. You played it last time."

"Oh!" you remembered, "Lana! Yeah sure, what song?"

"The one I liked."

"Alexa, play Brooklyn Baby by Lana Del Rey."

The Alexa lit up blue and began to play. Logan nodded. "Nothing better than a woman who's proud to be an American woman." Logan put his glasses back on and began to look at other mumbo jumbo documents at his desk. "Thank you, Y/N. You may go now."

You walked over to the door, "anything else, Logan?"

"Actually yes, one more thing," he looked above his papers to you, "Go get your nails done. You need refills, 'girlie'."

You looked down to your hands. It was true. You really did need refills bad. It's literally been five fucking weeks and those acrylics were barely hanging on.

You were now at the nail salon, admiring your new set - they were a French set - Logan's favorite. You sat in the chair waiting for your nail lady to get a seat to do your feet. It was packed in there, but you weren't leaving until your patas were done.

"Well, well, look who's here."

You turned around at the bell on the door ringing. Stewy had just entered.

"Hey Stewy," you said, surprised, "what are you doing here? Picking up your girlfriend?"

He showed his well groomed hands. His nails were short and smooth - no cuticle in SIGHT.

"I always knew you were a well-manicured man." He took his own seat with his lady and began to create some rapport with her.

"Hey so listen, there's like no chairs that are going to be available soon, is it okay if we put you in the backrooms chair?" you nail lady asked.

"Yeah sure! Let's go!"

She took you to the back which resembled a photo from that liminal spaces Twitter account and sat you down on a lawn chair with an Orbeez Soothing Spa at the bottom. You put your patas in those rubber boba-esque balls, enjoying the weird sensation on your feet. She didn't realize, but as she was getting things to prepare, you kept popping some of those balls in with your feet. They were delicious. She then began to get to work, taking a little longer than usual taking off all your dead skin. It looked like parmesan cheese had been coated all over those rubber balls.

Mid-way in, with the first coat, your phone began to ring. It was no longer an iPhone 4s, you were able to upgrade now to an iPhone 7 rose gold! Though your nails were still wet, you struggled to grab it from your side with just the palms of your hands.

You gasped, wide-eyed at the contact name. It was Kendall.

"Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck!" you worried. Your nail lady gave you a giant side eye. "Can you answer it? I can't, my nails -"

You passed it over to her, but before she could grab it your phone thought it would be funny to do a little slippy slip slip from your hands and fell into the Orbeez bath. "Oh fuck!"

Your nail lady grabbed the iPhone, drying it with a towel, answered the phone and passed it over to you. You scrambled to answer.

"Hello, Kendall? Oh my God," you called. His voice was cracky and static. You looked to the lady, pointing at it, "it's Kendall!"

"No, it's wet. There's water in your phone, it's broken."

"Oh no!" you cried, "Ken, can you hear me?"

"He- lo- Y/N - cn an - you - ear - meeee"

The line then dropped, and your phone screen went black. "He sounds like shit. Man. I missed my fucking chance. FUCK!" you catapulted your now broken phone across the salon, accidentally and effectively hitting Stewy in the face. He was not happy. It was a habit you really needed to break.

After you finished both your mani and pedi, you went back to Waystar ready to present to Logan just where his money had gone. It was night time by now, so the building was bordering on empty.

You went up the elevator and went straight for his office - but oh no he's not there.

"Aw, man," you said, saddened. You turned back around, back for the exit, with lack of pep in your step...

"Hey, Y/N," you turned over - oh fuck it's Kendall. "Hey, I called you earlier."

"Oh, hey Kendall. Yeah sorry, I was doing my nails and my phone slipped into the Orbeez Soothing Spa thing. Look at them," you presented your hands. He touched them softly, looking at them in the light. His touch made you SHIT.

"Wow," he said, admiring them, "why are they so long?"

"Uh, cause the longer the better, duh!"

"What's this white powder, under your nail? That white shit? Is that why they're long, you're snorting?" he began to giggle.

"Uh no," you took your hands away from his gently and inspected it for yourself, "it's baby powder. I chafe bad. Some must've gotten stuck. Anyway, you going to Logan's birthday dinner tomorrow night?"

"Yeah, that's actually why I called you. Will you go with me?"

"Of course! I mean, I was going anyway!"

"Uh, yeah, I know, but, I meant to go with me?"

"No yeah I know what you mean. But, technically, me going is like, me going with everyone. But of course Kendall!"

He smiled his goofy smile, it filled you with butterflies (euphemism for anxiety) that made you all warm inside. It filled you with such satisfaction to know that you had that affect on him. But of course you did, you are you and that's just what you do!

The following morning, you had your usual routine - you left the basement, elevator, your office, coffee, sign in, print horoscopes, looked out to the city, "I built this", lit your candle before Gerri told you to put it out, whatever. You made sure to look EXTRA cute today cause girl this was going to be a very important night. Kendall literally asked you out. This is no fucking joke. It's like the D-Day of this World War II thing y'all got going on if no one was dying.

After reading Logan his horoscopes, he asked to look at your nails.

"They're perfect, Y/N," he smiled. When he wasn't scary he was just a chill old man. "French. My favorite genre of nail."

"Of course, Logan! It is your birthday today after all! I actually have a gift for you. Do you mind if I give it to you now, I just can't wait," you said. It was true, you couldn't wait. You handed him an envelope before he could say yes.

He began to open it, taking out your gift - a sticker of bagpipes you got from Redbubble. You waited excitedly for his reaction like a weirdo.

"They're bagpipes! Since, you know, you're Scottish, so they're like naturally your favorite instrument! You can put it anywhere, it's waterproof!"

Logan looked up to you, a dead-serious face he only sported during his seemingly important meetings. A part of you didn't read this Logan expression well - you didn't know what he was about to say next...

"Y/N," he began in a serious, low tone, "this is the most thoughtful fucking gift I've ever received that none of these moronic imbeciles have ever gotten close to giving me. Better than anything my own fucking kids have given me. Thank you. I'll put it on the side of my helicopter."

Your wholesome moment was then ruined by an all too familiar annoying voice. It was Greg.

"The fuck do you want, Greg?" Logan boomed.

"Well, uh, happy birthday Uncle Log, first off. But anyway, uh," he struggled.

"Spit it out!"

"Well, uh, Tom's asking for Y/N. Like, summoning her down to ATN. We're uh actually short of an assistant today, you know, for the debate."

"Debate? Oh yeah, yeah, Y/N, go on."

As you were leaving, you heard the faint and muffled start of what you recognized as "Million Dollar Man" by Lana Del Rey come from Logan's office. You began to walk down the hallway down to ATN, a place you rarely ever found yourself going to. If there was anything worse than numbers, it was politics. It just honestly sounded like a whole lotta nothing to you. But you weren't just about to say no to Logan, especially today - that would be illegal. Greg continued talking about potential gifts for Logan, but you had a knack for drowning people out.

"Hey buddyyyyyyy," another all too familiar voice called. You turned to see Tom's Horton ass face catch up with you and Greg.

"What, Tom?" you asked.

"Well, I'm sure my assistant briefed you," he looked over to Greg, with a little gay twinkle in his eye, "but we do have a guest today for ATN. A little debate, you might say. A little clinking and clashing of fine weaponry, perhaps, shiny swords of red and blue -"

"- Don't you think that's like, embarrassing?" you asked. You three reached the newsroom, where one of the anchors was getting her makeup retouched but looking extremely annoyed as if she was going to bite the makeup artist's finger Abby Lee Miller style.

Tom seem insulted. "Why? What do you mean embarrassing, Y/N?"

"Well, like, lowkey," you said in a whisper as to not get bitten by the woman, Tom leaned in, "anyone from the outside can debate anyone in here and like, win. I don't think it's that hard."

Tom backed up. He took a moment, and looked to the anchor for the day's debate, then back to you. "Well, I take great offense to that, Y/N."

"Yeah, whatever. What do I know, though? Anyway what do I have to do what the fuck am I actually doing down here?"

"The guest should be arriving soon, through the back, where the shredded papers are thrown away. By the dumpster, you know, where you seemed to appear from like a fairy. As if Tinker Bell was a homeless fairy and a slut. Go on, go, escort him up," Tom turned, arms now crossed like a child and refused to talk to you anymore. That was just Tom, though. You shrugged it off and went towards the back.

Once you opened the door, you saw that fat ass SUV of an Escalade pull up and out came the guest. But it wasn't just any guest - no no it can't be. It's not just any ordinary guest, not just your regular Joe - oh no, oh no oh fuck fuck fuck - it's your ex Hasan! Fuck!

His 6'4'' ass stepped out in his signature blue suit - the same he always wore for debates that you ironed (and burned multiple holes through that you blamed on overly-grown moths) yourself - and you both caught one another's stare.

Let's just say - you were stunned. Like, no fucking way. There's no way. But there is a way and this was the way exactly. You were pretty much at a loss for words. All that confidence from "I built this" had seeped out of your body like body oil and it fucking REEKED. Like it was impossible for this to happen. But at the same time it wasn't? Cause he's literally a political commentator. Oh shit this is real.

He laughed in disbelief. You were both in awe. You stood there, blank and still like your ass fucking froze like you computer sometimes when you signed in because of how overloaded and backed up it was from those Sims 3 files. You looked high key stupid.

"Really?" he said as he walked towards you.

"Bro what the fuck," was all you could say.  

"Wow. So ATN, Y/N? Really. That's fucking low, dude. I never thought you were THAT familiar with the political climate of America, but I also didn't see you stooping down to work for literal Nazi sympathizers."

You turned and began walking back, not caring if he followed or not. You needed a moment to take it in. Okay. Okay....Okay cool now you took it in.

"Um, actually, Hasan, I work for Logan. And he's actually Scottish. How can a Scottish person be a Nazi?" you snapped, basking in your sudden femme fatale attitude, oh how you loved being a woman in the workplace!, "Anyway, mind your business just like I did yours."

"Fair enough," you two now stepped into the elevator. He leaned down to whisper, "Do you think Logan likes Zootopia just like you?"

The motherfucker was a rocket up your ass. Too bad he was still fine as fuck. But alas not all good things last forever...

You didn't give him the satisfaction of replying to him. You tried to make it seem like you were being the bigger, professional person, but in reality you had nothing to hit him back with. He was just too perfect honestly.

Now at the panel, Hasan took a seat by the anchor and the two began to fix themselves. They didn't speak one word to another - not even a hello. You cringed. This is awkward asf.

You hid behind the cameras in the corner, to yourself like a kid in timeout. Safe to say you were startled.

"Y/N, what is wrong with you?" Tom asked, now at your side.

You swallowed a pretty substantial wad of saliva, gulping pretty substantially. You said lowly, "Yeah. I am. That's my ex."

"I'm sorry, wait. Hasan Piker, the Twitch streamer, the little fingers dancing on a keyboard while his buttocks gets sores from sitting all day until time calls for his little occasional wee in his two million dollar home, whore-for-Bernie, communist masquerading as a socialist, Hasan Piker?" he seemed to enjoy this sudden news, relishing in its irony. You were not finding it as amusing as him. In fact, you started to see red at his apparent enjoyment. You felt that rosacea take over.

"Your wife cuck-holds you, Tom."

His face immediately fell. He walked away. It really did seem easy to make anyone in this fucking family insecure. Either that or it was another forte to add to your albeit short yet expansive list.

The moment they went live, you knew you didn't have that strength to stick around. It looks like your work was done. You ran out and felt tears well and stream down your face. Thank god you stole that Milk Hydro Grip Primer from Sephora, because this makeup was NOT coming off.

Everyone seemed to avoid you, and you liked it that way. There was nothing worse than this!

Oh god, everyone's gonna see me crying! Fuck! They're not gonna take me, a woman, seriously! you thought. You felt the early symptoms of a psychotic break linger. This was definitely not the time and place.

But there was no doubt about it - girl you were spiraling. Flashbacks that you thought your little brain worked to forget started to appear. You remembered the beyblade. You remembered his love for beyblades. You remembered being HIS beyblade...

You felt your breathing quicken. Your chest was tight. You knew you had to retreat somewhere - there was no stopping the rain after the lightning or whatever Lightning McQueen said.

"Hey, Y/N!"

You turn to see who grabbed your arm, ever so gently at that. Oh my god it's Kendall! He couldn't see you like this!

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Oh my god Kendall I can't no it's that I can't bro what even is that?!" you said through muffled mucus.

"Come here, let's get you out of the hallway," he pulled you into the women's bathroom and locked the door. You admired he didn't care for gender norms. He began to rub your shoulders in a soothing way trying to calm you down. There was something wrong with him being the one to console you, because typically you'd think it would be the other way around. But whatever another time.

"What's wrong, Y/N?"

You started to regulate your breathing. "Okay, so like," never mind you started hyperventilating again, "my ex, that Hasan guy. He's my ex! I just wasn't expecting him, you know?"

"Wow, okay," now he started to process the situation, "wow, he must've really fucking hurt you."

"Yeah, I have a permanent bump on my parietal lobe just to prove it!"

You then began to cry in his arms, he held you in that bathroom and you felt all your problems not go away exactly but for the moment it felt good. There was no way a MAN could fix your ass.

"Hey, listen," he had you face him, "fuck that guy. Okay? I can fucking, like, ruin his life for what he did. Why don't we, like, fucking bail? Okay? Let's go to lunch, we can fucking, I don't know, we can fucking eat açaí bowls or some shit. Whatever."

"Really? Like right now?"

"Yeah. I'm dead fucking serious."

"Oh my god Kendall you're like the best!"

A toilet then flushed. You both thought it best to bolt out of there before you came face to face with whoever was just minding their business to take a shit. No need to call HR here!

You both stepped into the JFK dream car, the chauffeur turned to ask Kendall where they were off to. You licked some of the fallen tears on your face. There was nothing that hit better than the salty brine of those tears on your weather-beaten face.

He turned to you, "What do you want to eat? It's up to you. Anything you want."

You turned to the window to think, watching the droplets beginning to slam at high speeds onto the glass. You then turned to him, feeling flirty and sensual all of a sudden, "I'd honestly really fuck up Oui yogurt -"

"Actually, buddy, can you drive us to Texas de Brazil?" Kendall said to the chauffeur. He nodded and began driving, occasionally going on the sidewalks to avoid that rush hour traffic. Evidently there was no fine that Kendall couldn't afford.

At the restaurant, it was literally just your regular Texas de Brazil. You personally weren't a fan, but you weren't going to tell Kendall no. Telling him no would send him into a spiral, an two spirals together are not good. You know what two people spiraling is? Yeah. Exactly that. It's two people spiraling.

Basically Texas de Brazil is where people go when they have too much money to spend on scraps of fucking meat. Like a vulture would absolutely go berserk. (Authors Note! If you've never been to Texas de Brazil, it's okay! It doesn't mean you're poor, it just means you're smart with your money!)

Kendall landed you two a sweet secluded spot directly in the middle of everything. Men with skewers stacked with meat were running away and offering it to every table. Frankly, it gave you anxiety like why are we running? The meat is not gonna go that cold fast like chill out. You're not getting paid enough for all that.

You and Kendall weren't able to speak too much as every time you tried to the men with skewers with unreadable faces were speed walking towards your table at full  force, one after the other after the other.

Mama's getting overwhelmed...

They kept coming at all angles, not giving you a moment to breathe. In your peripheral, you saw them coming at you like fucking crazy. You wondered when it was the best time to let Kendall know you didn't eat red meat. It wasn't for religious reasons exactly, but it was because it made it difficult for you to shit. And since clearing your intestines was something of a spiritual practice, it could arguably be for those religious reasons.

"Ribeye?"

"Pork?"

"Sirloin?"

It's getting worse...

"Chicken Breast Wrapped in Bacon?"

"Filet Mignon Wrapped in Bacon?"

"Bacon?"

Mama's getting stressed....

"Ox tail?"

"Brazilian Sausage?"

"Lamb Chops?"

Mama's gonna blow.....

"Parmesan-Crusted Pork Loin?"

"Braised Beef Rib -"

"ENOUGH!" you finally shouted, hands on the sides of your head covering your ears, shaking, "STOP! NO MEANS NO! I KEEP TELLING YOU NO!!!!!".

The restaurant fell silent.

You opened your eyes as they were shut tight like gorilla glue. You peeked through, everyone stared at you blankly - you weren't just in the center of the restaurant but now the center of their world...

You and Kendall ended up leaving directly after that. He was pretty quick to get out of there. Now carless, you both walked the streets of New York. It was nighttime already. Neither of you had spoken yet to break the silence.

"I'm sorry about that, back there," you said, faintly smiling in embarrassment, "I just get overstimmied easily."

"It's okay," he chuckled, "actually I - I found it kind of hot. You know, like, telling them off?"

You felt yourself blush. He was for real a man who grew up without a mother figure.

"So where do you wanna eat now?" you asked. Your fat ass was still hungry.

"How about," he stopped on the sidewalk and you faced him. He had that delusional look in his eye. "How about we eat in like, real fucking America?"

"What do you mean Kenny Ken?"

"Like, I'm talking, you know, fucking, oily fries, injected hormone burgers, fucking - disgusting Sprite? Right, like? Type 2 diabetes on a fucking tray?"

"It sounds like you're talking about McDonald's."

"Yeah, sure whatever. Like, how about Outback? Huh? The fuck is that?" he started to chuckle a little manically with his goofy smile, it made you happy, "or like, P.F. Cheng's?"

"Well, if you want real America, we should go to a buffet!" Oh how you loved buffets. There was no rules, you could eat and eat as much as you want until you were bloated and backed up for days.

"So what like a fucking, uh, Golden Corral?"

"Jesus no," you gagged. The fuck was wrong with this man? He really needs guidance and you didn't mind being that for him. "Good heavens, no. Let's just stick to McDonald's, okay? If we were going to a buffet, I'd take you to Sweet Tomatoes."

"Well, why not? Let's go."

"We can't, cause an annoying fucking bitch named 'Covid' took her away. It wasn't just the lives of people that were lost."

"'Covid'?" Kendall asked, "I don't think that happened in Succession universe."

"What's 'Succession'?"

"I don't know. I guess I made it up. So McDonald's, then? Let's go!" He suddenly grabbed your hand and yanked you as he started running, you nearly tripped and tore your ACL. The last time you did that you busted your ass on a city bike in Miami Beach.

You two made your way to the nearest McDonald's using the directions on your new iPhone 8 Plus. You ordered your food, and unlike Texas de Brazil, at your own fucking pace. This was the only red meat you could eat and it went clean through. That oil and grease works magic!

You both had sat in the corner of the restaurant and had been deep on conversation. The ambience of McDonald's was very homey and nostalgic for you. The random beeping in the background was the best.

You were on your round 3 already, not your fault the burgers were small and didn't fill you up. You're still a growing girlie. Your favorite part were those little ketchup packets. They were so cute and small and red. It was your favorite thing that was red next to a tampon when you could afford them. Anyway dipping those skinny soggy fries in it was just the best! It was definitely your favorite activity, next to trimming your nails with scissor's, and after putting Kendall on, he agreed. You rarely shared that secret combo with anyone, so Kendall now knowing it meant that he was worth to know about the ketchup and fry crossover.

"Okay, so how about this," you took a great chomp outta your fry, "who's your problematic fave?"

"Hmm I don't know," he said, "Maybe my dad. What about yours?"

"Great answer! I think," you thought, but you really didn't need to think cause you already knew who, "Nicki."

"Khrushchev?"

"No, that's Nikita! Very close, though. I'm talking about Minaj. You know, Lewinsky. The Barbz. I don't blame you I get them confused too."

"I actually, uh, I actually really fucking like Nicki. No one else knows, but my favorite song from hers is Only, with her, Drake and Lil Wayne," he said as he munched on his own fries. It filled you with such joy to know he didn't credit the woman-beater in that sentence.

"Same! I love that song!"

"My favorite part is when Drake says, 'but I'm still staring at the titties though!'" he smiled after delivering the line. Had this been a frat bro, you would've (TW//purging) tried to voluntarily throw up your entire meal at his face because what the actual fuck was that. Your toes curled at the ick. But since it's Kendall, he always got a pass. He could kill a teenager and it'd be okay!

"Okay, what about your favorite song of ALL time?"

"Rich Girl by Gwen," he said, a little too quick. "But keep that between us, please. I put the Private Session option on my Spotify when I listen to it. It just empowers me before I make deals, you know? I just, like, blast her whole fucking discography in my huge bulky headphones. The JBL ones? Yeah, those. Her and Fergie. When I need a good like, fucking cry, I put Big Girls Don't Cry. It helps, my therapist says it's, like, a good way to let all the shit out, you know?"

"You know what you are Kendall?" you said, low but extremely flirtatious, "you're kinda cunt. Like, cunty. Like, you're Princess Diana was reincarnated." You bit your tongue like a white mom - now was a perfect time for it.

Kendall smiled softly but you knew he wanted to smile BIG. If he had rosacea like you he'd be beet fucking red. You loved seeing this loser flustered. "Well, Y/N, no. You're like, fucking my princess."

Your phone buzzed. It was a notification from Twitter. You clicked to open it and the link took you to a highlight from the debate with Hasan. It began playing loud, and thanks to Elon, the app began glitching and didn't allow you to get out of it.

"- and everything I do and say for my viewers is for the betterment of America." Hasan said.

"Well, didn't you wish for 9/11 to happen again?" said the anchor.

"Hey," Kendall placed his hand over your phone. You felt those tears well up again. "Turn it off, it's not worth it, okay? Hey, let's like - do you wanna, like, fucking hotbox or something?"

You shut your phone off. "Of course, Kendall. I'd love to hotbox with you. Let's go!"

You two left the McDonald's and Kendall was able to call his chauffeur. He told him that he needed to stand outside and wait for you and him to finish the hotboxing session in the car. The chauffeur simply said 'okay' and sat on a bench while the SUV was in park on the side of the busy New Yorkan road.

You and Kendall sat in the front seat, he pulled out his pen (the weed one) and began to take big ass, very long hits. He passed it over to you and you did the same, the smoke filling up the car and making it reek.

"So when are we going to hotbox?" you asked, voice barely hanging on from it's effects.

"Well, uh, what do you mean? We're hotboxing right now?"

You were confused. "I mean, usually when I hotbox it gets pretty smelly. Stinky maybe." He still didn't seem to understand what you were saying. He looked concerned as his eyes were swollen red and he honestly probably forgot who you were for a second.

"Huh?"

"My farts? I've been told it gives the same high. For the brief period I was homeless, before my girl Willa picked me off the streets, I got paid to hotbox cars. There's no real way of escaping it now. It's gonna come. Usually I don't eat red meat, so when I do I get pretty gassy."

He continued to look at you blankly. You were getting kinda uncomfortable for a minute as you were taking your own hits.

"Do you wanna go to the back?" he finally said, immediately regretting it. "Sorry for being, uh forward as fuck. But, like, I like walking when I'm high, I actually like going to the beach or any body of water when I'm fucked up, but -"

You put your finger to his lips, a little harder than either of you anticipated. "It's okay Kendall, you don't have to explain. Let's hit that back." You began to climb over to the backseat, accidentally flashing New York you pantiless bottom and kneeing Kendall in the face. You forgot you were wearing a business-themed skirt cause it's work appropriate, but your laced Victoria's Secret thong that you stole during your homeless era.

He climbed after you. You two sat and stared at one another for several moments, having temporary amnesia as you forgot why you went to the back in the first place.

"Y/N, can you be, like, my fucking assistant? I need help, uh, assisting."

"Oh my god, yes Kendall! That's like, my forte!" You jumped to hug him, he hugged tightly back, he then threw you on the hard leather seats and you feel his member pressed against your leg. He began kissing you, his tongue licking your lips for entrance. You let him in. Your tongues fought for dominance but you let him win. He eventually started going down on you, taking your business skirt clean off, and started kissing your labia.

"This...this is a fucking, uh, labia," he says.

You lifted your legs as he began to eat you out, his wet breath on your cooter. He held your foot up and raised himself, ready to press his member into your entrance. Your eyes were closed, ready to take the boy from Manhattan Financial District in. This is it. No Excel spreadsheet, no Texas de Brazil waiters, no Elf on the Shelf, no annoying Jordan Belfort sympathizers/incels, nothing - just you and Kendall.

Thank god for illegally tinted windows!

Hope you enjoyed!

xoxo,

~Sam St. Clair

[butuhaventseenmyman]

nope, no embarrassment, just so fucking turned on that you might actually die.

hi. i'm Juno. i'm AFAB, she/her, and a Virgo.

rules:

Be kind to everyone while you’re here. Everyone. Even if they aren’t to you, kindly ignore or block them. Respect is universal.

Proshippers and their opinions are not allowed here.

On that note, I won’t write anything harmful, illegal, or problematic. If you're unsure about a request, feel free to ask before sending it! I'd rather be clear and respectful than make anyone uncomfortable.

I have the right to decline a request if I’m not willing to do it.

please please pick an emoji or character if you're an anon!! i like getting to know my friends <3

That’s pretty much it! Just be a good person, and that’s all I ask of you.

what/who i will write for:

At the moment, I’m only writing for Mouthwashing- Curly (pre-crash onlu), Anya, and Daisuke. I promise to try my best with Daisuke, but I feel like I don’t know him as well as I do Curly and Anya. Swansea for the same reason, and I don’t think I respect J enough to write for him- we forget, but we never forgive. I appreciate your patience

But like I said in my intro, if I mention a fandom I like, you can ask for that as well and I’ll most likely write it- it probably won’t always be just Mouthwashing, but I’m just trying to start simple. However, the aesthetic and theme will probably always be centered around that. 

I won’t be writing long fics. For now, let’s just focus on shorter scenarios and headcanons.

Finally, I will write for female and gn, but I can’t write for male. I myself am AFAB and I don’t know enough, so I feel like I wouldn’t do my male friends justice.

anons:

You can be a character anon (just tell me where they’re from!).

You can be an emoji anon (see what’s taken).

If you want to share your pronouns, feel free to drop them in your message!

Feel free to remain anonymous, but a little introduction is nice if you’d like to chat!

masterlist

current anons

my moots <3

Sorry if this feels like I’m being really strict, just want to make sure I cover everything. Thank you! <3

(if you want, keep reading to see why i started this blog)

you can call me K or Juno. i'm AFAB (she/her) and a Virgo.

so i got into Mouthwashing not long ago, and i just kind of had the random urge to do this tonight (aka create a blog solely dedicated to writing about it). this isn't my first rodeo, so i know how this works- but i'm always learning. essentially, "feeling cute might delete later"

this is definitely going to be a side thing for me, because, like everyone, i have things going on and might get busy sometimes. but, unlike my first time, i'll do my best to churn out good-quality work as quickly as possible.

i can't really explain why i want to do this, i just do. and if it don't feel good, what are you doing it for? so i think it's worth a shot.

but this isn't just a writing blog, either. feel free to drop headcanons, ideas, or just random thoughts about Mouthwashing. for the sake of simplicity, i think it's a good idea to just start with one fandom for now- in the past, that's probably something that bogged me down. but i may add more eventually!! if there's anything you see i'm into and you want to request something for it, i'll more than likely be willing- just gonna start off by focusing the theme on Mouthwashing.

all this to say, thank you for reading all this. disrespectful and/or hateful asks will be deleted, because i want to ensure that this is a place where everyone feels welcome and respected.

enjoy your stay.

[justagalwhowrites]

i’m interested to see how joel would react to doc getting killed!! or bitten…. i love the angst tbh! 😅 maybe during that awkward time period where they weren’t really talking but still hooking up.. they still loved eachother so much couldn’t say it because they “hated” eachother 😮

OMG Hi Bestie! 

OK so because I'm a masochist (who shares in this fun hobby of tormenting myself with images of pain with someone who shall remain nameless) I've thought about this a lot. Shared below, with permission, is some of the noodling I've done on this topic with the aforementioned anonymous person who likes to give me INCREDIBLY ANGSTY AND DEPRESSING THOUGHT EXERCISES I SWEAR THIS IS A TWO WAY STREET Y'ALL. Please note that none of this is in story format and Doc is she instead of you because that's how I think about the fic in abstract terms? I guess? I don't know lol it's a mess in my head.

ANYWAY 

Putting this below the cut because it's probably a step beyond angst. I cannot stress enough that this is like... super depressing and also COMPLETELY RAW AND UNEDITED, all I did was pull out comments/prompts from the other person out of respect for them. So please limit your judgement as much as possible this stuff is real bad lol 

Below is Joel if she got bit on the Harvard run.

how terrified he was when he thought she might be bitten, how the first place his mind went was "I can kill her and I'll only need to be around for a few seconds after she's gone"If she got bit and he needed to kill her, he'd try so hard to keep it together for her. She'd be low key panicking and be like "Please don't let me turn into one of those things, please just kill me, please" and he'd just brush her hair back and hold her face in his hand all gentle and be like "I won't baby, not gonna let you go through that, OK? I've got you, it's OK. It'll be real quick, won't feel a thing and I'll be right behind you, OK? I'm right behind you, it's OK" and he'd hold her when he did it so she didn't feel alone and he'd keep holding her when he did it to himself, too

If Doc died in the tub the night that Joel left her in the QZ 

Joel is trying to avoid herTommy goes to the clinic that day and she's not there, which he expects because she's not supposed to be there on Sundays, but hears someone say her name and how they aren't sure how they're going to cover everything without her and there's a "...I still really miss her" at the end and he's like "wtf' and so he asks until he finds someone who will actually talk to him and he's like "no, we're old friends, I just haven't seen her in a few weeks, what happened?" and Marta just kinda looks at him like "how can you not know this" and says "She died. They weren't really sure how, if she did it on purpose or if she passed out but she drowned in her bathtub" and Tommy is, of course, reeling because he loved her, too. But he's also like "Oh fuck I have to tell Joel" and he's kind of in a daze and just walks around the QZ for a few hours and he gets home and Joel is just like "the fuck is your problem" and he's like "Joel... brother, you... I need you to sit down, OK? Need you to just... stay calm for me, OK?" and he says her name and then kinda stops and Joel gets this bad feeling and is like "what" and Tommy is quiet and he's like "what, Tommy. What is it. She fuck up something else, what'd she do, what's going on" and he's just like "She's dead, Joel." and Joel is silent for a minute and then asks what happened and how and Tommy really doesn't want to tell Joel what they told him and so Joel just gets up and Tommy tries to stop him and he's like "Don't fucking touch me" and he goes to Andrew's and he pounds on the door until Andrew answers and Andrew looks like hell, he's lost weight and he looks like he's hardly slept and he looks kind of dead in the eyes until he sees Joel and then he just looks like he wants to just set him on fire and he's like "The fuck are you doing here"

and Joel is like "what happened, you have to know what happened, please, fuck, please tell me what happened to her" and Andrew shoves him and just yells "You! You happened, you fucking happened! She died that night you fucking asshole, she lived for you and she fucking died for you, too. I hope you're fucking happy" and Joel is just practically frozen there and just lets Andrew wail on him for a minute before he looks at him and goes "you must fuckin hate me, right?" "Oh I more than hate you you fucking..." "Good. Kill me. Don't... don't care how just... please, fuck just..." and Andrew just kind of laughs at him darkly and says "No, no I'm not doing you any fucking favors, Miller. I have to live with the fact that I left her alone that night. You get to live with the fact that her blood's on your hands." Jess pulls Andrew back inside and Joel just trudges home but Tommy is kind of waiting for him, he's already stashed all the guns and the knives and he got Tess because he knows what Joel is like when he loses someone like thatand Joel only asked Andrew to do it because he couldn't risk flinching again, he had to do it right this time and he goes for where he keeps his gun as soon as he's in the door and it's gone and Tommy is just crying and he's like "Joel, you can't, I'm sorry..." and he's like "Just give me the fuckin' gun, Tommy! I can't do this, not again, I can't, I can't" and he just drops to his knees and Tommy holds onto him Tommy and Tess take turns, he's literally never alone for months. Eventually they think he can be trusted on his own and he's OK for a while but I think it wouldn't take all that long before he's gone, too it wouldn't be as obvious as a gun, it'd be him making a stupid mistake and getting bit or shot or an accident on a job in the qzand all the time in between he'd be such a shell of himself, Tess and Tommy always sharing a look when it's especially bad like "this has to get better at some point, right?"and when it eventually happens, neither Tess or Tommy are ever sure if it's really an accident or not. Joel wasn't really sure either, he just knew that the last thing he thought of was that last morning before Doc flew back to New York where he got her pregnant in the water and her and Sarah made French toast

SO YEAH that's just the most depressing shit in the world lol 

LOVE YOU!!

[erisenyo]

Facets anon again, thank you SO MUCH for your take, it was absolutely interesting to read! I truly appreciate it!

I will admit that for me not more than half the 'core aspects' can change or I'm considering the character as 'too ooc'. If the fic is marked as a character study I'll allow it, but to divorce a character so far from their original gets me a little mad. I love OC fics and don't understand why people don't just write those instead of pretty much changing anything BUT the name of the character.

Again, my ask didn't originate from the fics I've seen in the ATLA fandom. Idk if it's because the fandom size is smaller or most fans have aged so much that most written fancontent is just above certain squicks of mine.

Now to explain where my curiosity came from: I've been lurking around the BNHA fandom and checking out what's going on over there on ao3. And well, it somewhat feels like they like to use Midoriya Izuku (the main guy) like paper mache. I know that he's somewhat bland and spice is the joy of life, but man, some of those fics really do just keep his name.

Like to pick out 5 facts that, IMO shaped him as a character and would therefore have repercussions if changed:

- Born Quirkless

- wants to be a hero

- hero fanboy

- grew up without a father/ only with a softhearted somewhat helpless mother

- bullied throughout his life, even by adult figures

Him being quirkless and therefore being bullied w/o anykind of substantial support ABSOLUTLY fed into his recklessness, his inability to discern healthy relationships and savior complex. He gets suicide bated from the get go and physically harmed by someone he considers as friend BASED on him being 'useless'. Changing him being born Quirkless would cause immense ripples in his characterisation, given that the bullying STARTED and ESCALATED based on that.

I feel as if the change of one core aspect ALWAYS carries rippling effects ontonthe other aspects, which is precisely why I feel like changing more than half would make a character unrecognisable.

As you mentioned with the Zuko example and the comparison between earth and firebending: Yes, to ensure the reader being able to appreciate THIS version of a character parallels should be shown to reflect what changed and what stayed the same.

I feel like a lot of fics don't work for me personally in that regard is because certain changes and their effects haven't been thought through enough by an author. At least not to a degree where my mind wouldn't pipe up with an "But,um actually ", though that is certainly my own folly.

I do tend so stay clear of any fics I don't agree with. Critiquing someone for not catering to my personal taste would be ridiculous and I firmly believe in proper fandom etiquette. Though I will say that this specific issue has been BUGGING me, which is why a reached out. Again, you're one of my favorite authors and given your insights I felt absolutely satisfied in reaching out to get an authors perspective of the issue in a divorced kind of way, which is why I specifically didn't mention where me being irked came from.

I hope I haven't abused the privilege of sending you anonymous asks to aort my mind out. Thank you for your takes, I enjoyed them!

Facets anon, I have the sneaking suspicion that you are rather unique in loving OC fics haha. Maybe I just have a small sample size, but generally I think of people coming to fic because they actively like and want the familiarity of already knowing the characters, the setting, the major plot beats, etc.

Which as previously discussed, means if you're going to deviate from canon, you definitely need to bring people along for the ride...but also maybe why people are reluctant to fully divorce from the underlying canon even when they're deviating really quite a lot.

With respect to your thoughts, I'd generally agree that any kind of change, especially to a core facet of the character, has ripple effects. To your point, those core facets are often tightly tied together, so taking down one could mean a cascade of changes to the core characterization, unless the narrative explicitly takes pains to account for why, for example, someone is being bullied for a whole new reason now that he'd receive the same way.

But I could see an alternate take where Midoriya's core facets are actually his recklessness, that inability to discern healthy relationships, and the savior complex. And maybe then you can say they aren't a *result* of his experiences, but rather exacerbated by them...in which case you could then say okay, how would those traits play out if I changed ABC plot points instead. Maybe he's reckless and bad at discerning healthy relationships and he has big fancy special Quirk and as a result he ends up in a whole different type of self-sacrificing unhealthy dynamic. (I don't actually know, I've literally read one fic in this fandom lol).

And I'd generally suggest, at least from a writer's POV, that those underlying facets tend to be more anchoring when they're personality traits. Midoriya not having a Quirk is a thing that happens to him, that drives the plot. Midoriya being reckless is his underlying personality that informs the way he reacts, that he'd theoretically always have. He can be reckless in every situation and scenario he's in (presumably lol. I don't know him.)

Zuko being branded by Ozai is a major plot event that drives and shapes his backstory. But you can take that away and still have Zuko, in my opinion, because the underlying facet behind that plot point is Zuko's personality/responses--that he desperately wants to please his father to the point of self-deception, even up to and after being harmed by him. *That* is a core part of who he is, and *that* is what follows him from AU to AU in the form of his reactions and motivations (and the personal growth he needs to experience).

Which again just gets back to, what are those anchoring, core things that make the character who he is to you? It's probably more his personality, his motivations and fears and reactions, than the specifics of the events that happen to him. (I will allow that some events can be very critical, particularly if they exacerbating a core trait--Sokka probably already had abandonment issues before his mom died and Hakoda left but hoo boy did those not help!)

I can see a larger fandom ending up with different 'camps' for lack of better words on what that looks like (Even within ATLA--if you think Zuko's primary stress response is anger and someone else thinks anxiety, you're going to be having some really different fic reading experiences!). And peeking into the other 'camp' could result in the character feeling *very* OOC

[christianshark]

(If the person, who shall remain anonymous, that is mentioned in this post sees this, do not read this if you do not want to. This is not a message I intend to bring to your attention because you do not want to see it. This is not me breaking our agreement. I will not message you until November & when I do it will be strictly asking to start a new art commission. Nothing I say here will be mentioned ever again. I am putting this out not to gain sympathy but to just get it out of my head.) I joined a few weeks ago because someone I had been friends with for 4 years is a regular here. Me & her had a falling out. I said some stupid, selfish shit & didn't catch myself because of all the stress of that week. She got justifiably mad & wanted to be left alone for a while. That's all she wanted. That one thing. The one thing I wanted was to know if we would try to talk & be friends when that silence eventually broke. Long story short, neither of us got that. I was freaking out too much to stay quiet despite wanting to & she was too angry with me & busy to give me the comfort I asked for. Words were misunderstood. Me caring for her was misinterpreted as treating her like an object. Like a delicate flower. Like this was only some attempt to "win the girl." That was never the intent. We were toxic to each other. We both had a hand in the destruction of our friendship. But the majority of it was me. I failed to deal with the mental health issues that caused these problems. Some I thought I did, but really I was just distracting myself from them with the good times. Burying them. But they regrew like weeds again & again & again. The boundary breaking, the weird questions, the suicidal spirals that made her afraid to point out my problems.... I will fix myself so that this doesn't happen with anyone else ever again. But that will take months, years, or even decades. These types of problems do not go away overnight no matter how much I want them to. What kills me the most is knowing my worst fear is true. That the impostor syndrome I've been struggling with was actually right for once. She says she doesn't care anymore. Although some stuff she has done since contradicts that, that is what she has told me straight up. ..... I'll be honest when I first joined here it was to try & talk to her after she blocked me on the two other platforms we were friends on. But I realized how creepy that would've been & how it would've gone against her wishes & I didn't. But instead I interacted with a bunch of her stuff thinking it would be a way to support her while respecting her wishes. I was an idiot for thinking this because notifications exist. And my name now brings her nothing but pain. Despite her struggles with empathy & holding grudges, she's the nicest girl I've ever met. And she still is.... Until... She sees... My name... And then she becomes cold & unforgiving from all that happened. I think it's going too far. That surely she sees I never intended to hurt her. That I care about her. That I am genuinely sorry for everything. But that doesn't matter. She's justified in acting unfair to me. Because regardless of me not intending to hurt her, I did. ....... She called our friendship poison. To both of us. And a part of me knew it was a year into our friendship. Although I never told her.

It felt unfair that my problems would leave our friendship on a knife's edge while hers I was expected to ignore because they were "part of who I am."

I said to myself years ago "this feels toxic" But I happily swallowed that poison. Because I cared about her. Still do. Part of it was romantic affection at one point, but she never wanted anything to do with that so I tried my best to squash that down. No I always cared about our friendship more than I did it becoming something more. Because you should never go into a friendship with someone purely just to get with them romantically. That is scummy. And I'm not about that. I went into that friendship wanting to JUST be friends to start so that way even if it didn't go any further, I would have a friend for life out of it. So even if some small part of me hoped for something more, I didn't want it. Because she didn't. She saved my life in my darkest time just by being my friend. I met her in 2020 at a time where the loneliness of COVID & my failures in college were taking it's toll on my soul. If I never became friends with her, I would not have survived that year. Hence why I am so close to her even now. I want to fix things. Rebuild the bridge that I set on fire. Even as she continues to throw gasoline on it.

I never cared how much our friendship hurt me. As long as it never hurt her. And the reason I never told her I knew it was toxic.... Was that I would gladly be the most miserable POS on the planet.... If I could make sure she wasn't. ..... Even in all of this, I am thankful. For our mutual friends who have been helping us even as I failed miserably to listen. For my sister for comforting me. For God helping give me the will to live inspite of all this. And for Stardew. Weird segway I know but... she was playing a ton of this both before & during this whole saga. And it makes her happy. Even if sometimes it felt like she was just hiding in that game to avoid talking things out... It makes her happy. Even if it feels hypocritical for her to talk about how much she loves Shane's arc & struggle to heal through his mental issues while being completely cold & unforgiving to mine... It makes her happy. And ultimately that's all I want. Her to be happy. I hope one day we can be friends again. But for now I am fine where I am with her. We are exclusively business right now. I've been failing miserably at staying on topic, but that's the plan. And one I intend to stick to until she's ready to be friends again. And if that day never comes? That's okay. I will cry & weep. Pray to God to open her heart to the idea of us being friends again. But I know at some point I will be okay. And I know she can take care of herself. We don't NEED each other's friendship. But I still want to be friends. So until that day comes, if it ever does.... I am fine simply being business. Giving her resources to do stuff with... people she actually cares about. I may be sad. But she will be happy.

[megarax-ponyo]

I'm sorry for bringing this up, but it's about your Welcome Home AU Would you be comfortable with someone continuing or taking heavy inspiration from your au? I know that you are most likely not going to continue it so I was just curious how comfortable you would be with someone continuing the AU or taking inspiration from it, and if so, would you like credit or not? Do what makes you happy, I hope that some day the Welcome Home Fandom (which I'm apart of) can learn to be less toxic. <3 <3 <3 Love your art <3 <3 <3

Before starting everything I think about it, I thank you very much for the importance of the Au... I thought it was not so loved if I am very honest with everyone. Because of everything they have told me and "exposed" me to being the worst when really nothing is like that... it made me believe that no one liked what I did with my Au

It is comforting for me to know and read these beautiful words ❤

Okay... look, most of you know that I hardly express what I think or feel on the internet, since I love being anonymous and a total mystery

But I have to clarify this for people who follow me here on Tumblr or people who follow me on other networks At once I'm apologizing, because I will be very direct and sharp with my answer, to a point where it may sound somewhat rude, but the intention really is to "cut everything clean" so that people don't come later hungry or opportunistic to want to take advantage of my idea

To avoid further detours - The answer is NO

I will specify myself better - I am not going to give ANYONE my Au. More than anything because this is an idea that cost me a lot to polish and I am proud of what I have created, I am not going to leave it to someone since it could ruin the story or turn it into a more horrifying spectacle than what I had already raised

Now making it clear that I will not let ANYONE continue my story If someone is inspired by my story, the kindest or most respectful thing they can do is give me credit that the original idea is mine, since they can inspire you and many people have been inspired by my story, but if more people think about doing it, I ask them I strongly recommend that you give credit to the person you based your story on (in this case me)

In short, YES, I would like to receive credit for it and NO, I do not feel AT ALL COMFORTABLE that someone continues my story

Since I plan to do two things, that my story stays as long as I left it and that the concept can be used for random drawings in the future

Or redo the story with different characters but much softer, since really the original concept of my story is very hard to see, even for adult people

Again, I'm sorry to be crudely honest but I have to be because there will always be people who want to take advantage of it, so you always have to make things clear from the beginning if you want to avoid problems in the future

For now I want to start another project that is much more lively and fun, I will leave aside the dark and cryptic stories for the moment, it also means that I want to start off on the right foot in another Fandom A Fandom that has really shown me support and I like it Because in WH they have only classified me in the worst ways and many artists blocked me without me doing something wrong... more than just writing a dark story

Adding that Fadom is being consumed by toxicity and cancellations all the time... like you really don't want to continue in a community like this, Where everyone is in a pitched war to see who is the worst

That's why I preferred to leave the war in peace, Just leave because I was tired of everyone seeing me as a monster or something worse... *Sigh*

Anyway - I don't like showing my feelings much on the internet, since I think it's useless So I'll leave it here and I hope my answer has been very clear about my decision with my story

Very soon I will return with new things and fresh drawings ✨❤ I love you all and thank you for your support of my work ❤✨

[rosehippiefield]

For the fandom ask game: 3, 13, and 15? (Yttd and/or ace attorney)

I'll do yttd first and then ace attorney

3. a character that fandom has helped you appreciate

It's certainly Midori. I didn't really get his appeal initially but several posts along with some YouTubers convinced me that his character is interesting. For me he's the mad sadistic scientist combined with childish desire to play, except he plays with people. Not in normal way but like with toys. I used to think he's not that intimidating or scary but looking back to how he made everyone sign the contract and how he influenced Shin Midori can be terrifying. The fanarts really capture his playful madness or his unhealthy obsession with Shin. Overall I feel like I have a better grasp on his personality though of course I still can be wrong about him

(I also really hated Shin at first but that's due to my peculiar style of experiencing yttd where at first I thought he was Midori and I didn't watch playthroughs fully so I actually had little idea what was going on in this game. It was fun being so wrong. But analysis of many people showed me that not only he wasn't with kidnappers, he had reasons I could get behind. So hatred was very short-lived)

13. your favorite type of fandom event (gift exchange, ship week, secret santa, prompt meme, etc)

I really love the draw it in your style events! Everyone makes their own spin on the original art so the little details here and there from different people are fun to notice. Everyone, absolutely everyone adds something interesting, something that makes their fanart unique, while capturing the initial idea. And I like your fanarts there too of course!

I also adore the whiteboards! They create a special, warm sense of unity where you can contribute too. And you can stay anonymous if you want to. I even drew Kanna and Nao once, though as I drew with touchpad of all things it was kinda difficult

15. the character that always makes you smile

Sometimes it's Kanna because she's so sweet and innocent and kind I just want her to be happy. And I kinda relate to her.

Also, maybe not always but quite often Shin can really brighten my mood. Not only do I relate to him in many ways, he became my inspiration to become better. Like I don't know if I sound melodramatic but one time I was thinking about his infamous zero and why he, the smart guy, had no chance to survive. I thought how he manifested his zero into life by believing in it while not believing in himself. I thought about how if he would have been more confident he could have avoided the mess he created at least partially. If only he loved himself more... Suddenly it occurred to me that it was exactly what *I* needed. To not bring myself down, to not overthink what I did wrong, to not compare myself with others. To respect myself for who I am. I imagined that Shin was saying to me "don't hate yourself" and "love yourself" and it hit me. This guy has been my comfort character ever since

The ace attorney ones:

3. It's probably von Karma and Sholmes. I don't really like irredeemable villains but once again he seems so entertaining. On the second rewatch I really appreciated his unapologetic evilness. The guy caused it all for the most petty reason imaginable. And he's perfect to the point where expects Phoenix to cross-examine the parrot. He also has been carrying a bullet in his shoulder for fifteen years. Really what a character. One certain channel (RPG gamer? I forgor how it's named) certainly helps with iconic "what can I say except you're guilty".

As for Sholmes, he didn't feel like original Sherlock Holmes with his enthusiasm but in the end he is your reliable ally that wants to help you. His that one dance is 20/10 and his relationship with Iris is super sweet. I didn't read a lot of fanfics but in the great ace detective his other side is explored, which helped me realise he makes such obvious mistakes due to raising a child, so he uses same method of teaching with Ryuno.

13. I'm not active in ace attorney fandom now but I loved the music competition on Reddit. People took their time to explain in details why they either disliked a soundtrack or defended it. The battle was intense as hell. Shame I don't remember the results

15. I absolutely love Edgeworth and his smug swag, his character arc fascinated me. At the time I thought that his character was literally perfect with balance of flaws and good qualities. Some may say he's too kind in AA2 but I love how he comforts Sebastian too much to care. Maybe there's some plot holes in Rise from the Ashes but still not terrible enough (or they are explainable even, I don't remember). For me he's the example of good writing and I enjoy his journey to the point where I like the first investigation game too

[wordstome]

For the character ask game! ❤️

2. and 3. (Favourite and least favourite canon thing about König)

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

9. Could you be roommates with this character 🤪?

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

25. What was your frst impression of this character? How about now?

2. My favorite canon thing about König His enormous co— Considering there's so little canon content of him, every little detail about him has become an integral part of his characterization, so it's hard to pick a favorite. But if I had to, it's probably his sheer anonymity: the other operators, even the fully masked ones, have a full name. König is just the German word for king. Girl...who the fuck is this guy??? Combined with the sparsity of his bio, his whole vibe is incredibly mysterious. You could launch a thousand headcanons on him and they check out. He's just a fun character to come up with ideas for.

3. Least favorite canon thing about König His voice actor...look, I want to make it very clear I respect Jim Boeven's work. He's great at his job and his work as König is both well done and provided a lot of sorely needed insight into his personality. I don't even dislike his voice itself: a lot of people on tiktok (children) don't like his voice because they think the accent is goofy or they're disappointed it's not Corpse Husband-deep. I think his voice is really sexy and has so much personality. But man...I wish his voice actor was a better person. Or at least stayed off the internet. (This doesn't bother me as much as it bothers other people, though. I just forget Boeven exists most of the time)

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in? Oooooh, delicious idea. I've actually played with the idea of putting him in different aus/intellectual properties, everything from Star Trek to ACOTAR-style high fantasy. But the answer is very obviously A Song Of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones). I mean.........come on. Come on. He's like if the Mountain oozed sex appeal (Sorry to Gregor Clegane fuckers) and was slightly less awful (at least König works to take down human trafficking cells). There's this scene in the first book at Daenerys's wedding to Khal Drogo where part of the celebration is that there are dancers and Khal Drogo's men just grab them and fuck them right then and there. It's clearly meant to be shocking and not a turn-on, but the way it was described was literally all I could think about while reading Fatum. Good God.

9. Could you be roommates with this character 🤪? Yes and we would have the nastiest se— Look, I'll be honest with you. In real life, I would stay a million miles away from this man. I would never even have the chance to cross paths with him. But if we just happened to become roommates? ...yeah, actually. As a military man he probably keeps his spaces tidy as a habit, and he'd be gone most of the time on deployment while still paying his share of the rent. He also likely keeps to himself and wouldn't be bringing around friends to disturb me (my poor guy). I'm not conceited enough to think that I'm so gorgeous and sexy that he would be too intimidated to talk to me, but I do think he would avoid interacting with me in general, which ideal in a roommate for me. In exchange, I pretend not to notice my underwear going missing or that I don't hear him say my name while he jerks off! Win-win.

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character. I need to go find these posts and add them to the Königcore bible, but there's this one post with accompanying art that's basically like "kpop boy airport fashion Horangi x dad on a fishing trip König" with a picture of König in these waders and it's so cute. Also that one post about several COD characters' fashion senses, where König's mostly consists of jackets and sweatpants. I love both of those aesthetics! My favorite outfit to imagine him in, of course, is a black compression shirt and gray sweatpants with no boxers...

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now? First impression: the hood is both creepy and corny as hell Now: *slams down an essay-length diatribe on him as a character* how much time do you have to hear about my insane boyfriend

[tigerbears]

Hello there!

You can call me TigerBear.

I’m a 20s something trans-girl who's only been on tumblr for over a year

I mostly just do reblogs, and just random stuff but I'll also post links to my fanfics so keep an eye for that! (Only been one so far, but lots of folks seem to enjoy it xD)

Expect my fics to mostly be UT and DR fics... Same with posts.... Just a lot of UT/DR related reblogs and post, but you'll also see a few posts related to other games I like or things that catch my fancy. (E.G, I've reentered the doctor who fandom after like 4-5 years)

Aiming for the blog to be SFW/Minor friendly but y'know, I'm still an adult and stuff. Might reblog stuff with swearing. May also reblog SFW posts from NSFW blogs/"Minors DNI or do not follow" blogs, but I don't usually follow these blogs and will likely not touch their risky stuff. TL;DR this blog be safe, can't guarantee the same from those I reblogged.

Guess I can talk about some things about myself.

I’m a trans-girl lesbian who goes by she/her pronouns.

I'm also neurodivergent (autistic specifically) so if I act differently/misunderstand things that's why. I'm sorry my brain just be running differently.

I’m likely suffering from chronic Asriel and Noelle brain rot. I want goat boy to get a happy ending and love the Trans Noelle head-canon. Shipper of Suselle (Susie/Noelle) and Dessriel (Dess/Asriel). (Oh and of course Alphyne (Alphys/Undyne) but I'm not obsessed with the pair like Suselle and Dessriel. Alphyne's still cute though!) Also opened asks! (but don't really know what I'll do with them, and don't expect quick responses, especially bc I’m the shy type of trans-femme. Also, keep the discourse crap away from me.)

Haven't gotten a lot of asks so I just opened the anonymous ones. (Note: This is on thin ice. I may turn off anonymous asks if I change my mind and realize it's a mistake. I already turned off messaging from people I don't follow because I kept getting incomprehensible bot messages.)

If I ever reblog something that's "WIP "a mess of the original post's tags" it means I f--ked up and forgot to remove the wip tags when the post was in my drafts. Please let me know so I can fix it.

Standard DNI: (note realize it got too long with my explanations so I put the longer ones in a separate footnote post. You can find it at the bottom of the DNI list. TL;DR the footnotes are for nuance and crap.)

DNI

I: Don't be a bigot. (E.G racist, xenophobic, Islamophobic, ableist, transphobic/a TERF, (that includes being exclusionary towards transmascs/femmes, enbys, or being some gatekeeping/invalidating transmed/truscum or whatever.) Same with aro/acephobia, intersex phobia, ect. TL:DR if you're bigoted towards a minority stay away and crap.

II: If you're a Religious fundamentalist, Militant Atheists, or anyone who can't respect other people's religious/areligious beliefs. DNI. (Its ok to criticize bigoted/harmful religious people, or parasitic and abusive cults. Just don't interact if you say stuff like "All religious people of "X" religion are mentally ill/bigots/terrible.")

III: (can't believe I have to say this) DNI if you ship "those ships." Y'know, the ones which involve some form of i*nest or p*dophilia. (E.G, Fontcest, Chasriel, Frans, Lancer/Susie,) Just generally do not interact if you ship any of those "yikes" ships. I don't want my posts to be associated with these accounts if they reblog my posts or whatever. III.1: This DNI does not cover Friskriel and Charisk, unless specific extenuating circumstances (that would make the ships i*ncestuous) are in effect (and I'll usually assume they aren't.) Kralsei also barely gets a pass until we learn why he looks like Asriel. (The explanation of this will either push the ship into the DNI, or make it weird but fine.) (For more details/nuance, look at Footnotes 01 and 02)

IV: Please tag your anti-ship or anti-character posts as anti-[shipname], or I will likely block you, especially if you just tag the ship name. When I follow the Suselle tag I'm looking for everything but Anti-Suselle posts. (Footnote 03)

If your posts look like that of a p*rn bot I'll likely block you.

DNI FOOTNOTES IN THIS POST! GO HERE FOR ELABORATION/NUANCE!

Here are the tags I use for my own stuff. " ([On Blog]=on my stylized blog.) ([On Tumblr]=Tumblr's default interface.)

#reblog [On Blog] [On Tumblr] For all the posts I reblog.

#queue [On Blog] [On Tumblr] For all the posts in my queue (which are just reblogs)

#posts from tigerbear's tumblr [On Blog] [On Tumblr] (Or) #my posts [On Blog] [On Tumblr] (Or) #tigerbears posts [On Blog] [On Tumblr] Stuff that's from me (or reblogs which have comments from me.) Pretty much "tigerbears posts" is going to be anything past the 25th or 26th of April 2024 (because I'm not going back to change all of my past tags.)

#tag that are like posts from tigerbear's tumblr [On Blog] [On Tumblr] Basically similar to posts from tiger bear except their reblogs and the new content is only in the tags. (I don't use this tag often/probably ever btw)

#Upsetting Real World Stuff [On Blog] [On Tumblr] For the very few posts/reblogs that are potentially upsetting, E.G talking about stuff like wars or LGBTQ+ rights being stripped away, general transphobic stuff, ect. (I usually come to tumblr for escapism, so if you feel the same way add it to filtered tags so you at least get the warning pop up before seeing it)

#discourse & stuff like that [On Blog] [On Tumblr]I hate discourse. But sometimes the discourse comes to me even though I don't want it. If you don't want to deal with that stupid crap on this horrible website than block this tag.

Here's my other socials! Bluesky:

Youtube:

AO3:

pronouns.page:

Anyway I hope you enjoy my blog!

[gossipgirloff1]

hey, how are you? (also, side note, what do you prefer to be called as on here?) i saw your ranking of wags and thought i could give it a go, if you don't mind (this is based on personality and actions, not looks btw) also, pretty sure yuki's gf, a ps5 would be my fav but i chose not to include it <3 /lh

lily z - she is literally such a role model for me; she wants to be an f1 engineer (also my dream job), has been with oscar since high school, has the cutest fits without being over the top, and generally is so chill and sweet, her insta is private and she's honestly my fav

lily muni he - as a chinese girly myself, she's such an icon. her outfits are always on point and her and alex are so cute, plus, she's an athlete as well, which is so cool

carmen - she's a business/finance major, so props to that (i could never 😭) and she just looks so chill and nice, plus, her outfits are amazing

melissa - she used to be a football wag and now she's an f1 wag, so she really got best of both worlds. and being a tv presenter is so cool, so she's up on my list

tiffany - another athlete! she just seems so chill and cool, and as i said, she's an athlete!

louise - gotta give her props for dealing with k-mag the viking who's been racking up penalties (jk ofc) and their daughter is so cute

egle - her and nico are such a cute couple, and their daughter is adorable as well, also, gotta respect her for making her own crochet clothing line

carola - first of all, bless her for staying with checo despite monaco, but taking care of all their kids is not easy, so i respect her for that, she also just seems so down to earth

heidi - love her outfits, and her and daniel are a great couple! she seems nice but haven't seen too much about her

rebecca - her fits always eat, but dunno much about her *this point marks when i start to be neutral/dislike*

flavy - her and estie bestie are such a cute couple, but don't really know much about her

marilou - don't know much about her, but she's dating lance lmao

alex - whenever she's on camera, she acts up and is always checking, and she really doesn't seem to be super authentic or anything, honestly kinda seems like she just wants attention

kika - i feel like she tries to hard for attention sometimes, and wants to be an "it" girl, she gives pick me tbh

riley - as an american myself, idk she just seems like half of the girls in my school: attention seeking, fake, pick me, etc.

magui - oh boy, this was hard between her and kelly. where to start with all her past? she posted nudes of her ex, joao, liked islamophobic tweets, said the n-word in tiktoks, her dad kicked a woman in the kidneys, cheated on joao, and just seems so fake.

kelly - it's pretty obvious, but she's an attention-seeker that jumps from guy to guy and apparently something happened between her and max when he was young? idk it was messed up. and, her dad was racist and homophobic towards lewis and she has too many things, so i'll stop here

sorry if i yapped too much 😓 hope you have a great day! - 🧋

Hi 👋🏻 I’m good how are you ?

Wow never think about that I think you can call me gossip girl I like being anonymous it keeps me going or like hey gg short for gossip girl like a name 🤭

Thank you for joining the ranking like to read your thoughts about it 😊

Thank you I’m having a great day I hope you’re having a great day too ❤️

[neverwritewhatyouknow]

I'm the previous anon who was talking about Indian Colonial history

I do follow you but I wanted to remain anonymous because I'm kinda shy 😭. You can call me Madhuri so that it's clear who I am

So I hadn't really put much thought into Shaan being a direct employee of the British monarchy until the other anon pointed it out and the more I think of it, the more weirded out I get because in a fictional novel, I feel that the author has the responsibility to make their content respectful to all groups of people and this move was kind of thoughtless.

Indians were treated like shit when the British governed our land. Basically, the British arrived as cloth traders and by creating this elaborate debt trap for rural weavers, they took over our economy and gained trade monopoly. They got some tax cessations from different kings and finally in the Battle of Plassey, they took over Bengal, a super super important place because it was in the plains, had a long coastline and was one of the most industrialised towns.

They started taxing people to hell and back with no regard for their well being. They told our kings they would provide them arms and forces to protect themselves against other rulers all while instigating whatever the opposite of peace is (I literally cannot think of a work for this, I'm so sorry)

Indians were forced to pay them, work for them without pay and make goods for them at extremely nominal amounts while the British got all the profit. We were kidnapped from our own lands and sent to plantations. There was this inland immigration act which did not allow workers to even exit tea gardens without written permission which was rarely given. They shut down our press and arrested our revolutionaries. Our people were forced to fight in the army. The first revolution actually started because the army was being forced to use bullets greased with pig fat and cow fat one of which was haram for muslims and the other was the product of an animal holy to the Hindus.

They decimated our country and the impact is still felt today.

I have watched a lot of movies about colonialism in India and one of the most chilling lines Ive heard was something along the lines of 'A bullet costs one pound by the time it reaches your gun Soldier. Are you really going to waste it on brown trash' this was followed by the soldiers beating a mother to death in front of her daughter and the entire village.

I'll recommend some movies to you. They are fiction but manage to capture the history so so well. You can find these on Netflix btw.

1) Lagaan- it's about taxation during a time of drought and a surreal way to escape it

2) RRR- honestly, I had watched some part of it but couldn't watch further because of how chilling it was and how hard it hit but it is considered to be amazing

3) Rang De Basanti- It's about college students shooting a film about freedom fighters and it alternates with the story of the revolutionaries and their parallels with the characters. These students are changed forever when one act makes them question the entire system and they become revolutionaries themselves. The ending was surprising and I could feel my heart being ripped out of my chest

Hey, Madhuri! No worries, I totally understand wanting to stay anonymous, I’m literally the same way on here so I get it.

Thank you so much for this! Yeah, my history classes definitely didn’t go over enough about any of this, but I’ll be reading more about everything this week, because it’s important and I want to learn more. It’s clear there is an entire history between Britain and India that I only know the very tip of, so thank you again for writing this all out. I’m sure a lot of people probably don’t know much about this (unfortunately, since our textbooks tend to… you know… veer on the side of the oppressors), so this will all be incredibly educational to anyone reading it. Feel free to send more my way whenever you want! I love this!

I’ve heard awesome things about RRR, but didn’t know what it was about. I’m gonna watch it this weekend! And that last movie sounds really good too! Thanks for the recs!!!

As for Shaan… I honestly think Casey just wasn’t thinking. This isn’t in defense of them, an author should always think about what they’re doing and how it could show up on page or screen, but I truthfully think they just wanted to fill that role with some sort of minority and picked Indian because of the large UK Indian population. I’d bet all of the money in my wallet ($20) that Casey doesn’t know any more than the vague basics of everything you’ve told me. I noticed that they described Nora, who’s Jewish, using some stereotypical Jewish traits too (I can write more on this if anyone wants, don’t want to hijack this post). It really was a guess-and-pick of races and ethnicities for them. I love how diverse the book is, but it’s sorta clear it was done for the spectacle, not for any real heartwarming reason. Casey knew it would probably sell better, since it would be talked about as an incredibly varied collection of characters, I don’t think they thought about more than that, or didn’t think it would matter because of the positives.

Do I think Casey meant any direct hurt with it? No.

Do I think that Casey’s lack of understanding or having any knowledge beyond their contained worldview causes harm indirectly? Yes.