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tasavvur-e-jaana · 1 year ago

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Chapter 2: Gulon Mein Rang Bhare

Here is the next chapter of the series.

P.s. The characters are not mine, they are entirely credited to Mr. Rajamouli and I am just borrowing them, one fanfic writer to another really. And yeah, the usual disclaimer... bla bla bla... you all know by now how it goes.

The fic is unbeta'd and I own my mistakes like Ram.

Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 1.

***

“Ram!” Akhtar whined. “Chalo na!” (Come.) He was already out the door, sitting on his motorcycle ready to start it. He had started calling the older man Ram now on Ram’s insistence. There was something brewing between them, something more than friendship which they both were aware of but neither had the guts to say it out loud. It still felt a little too fragile. There definitely was a change in their demeanour, of that they were sure, because the touches lingered more so than before, the fleeting glances were longer and meaningful. And yet, no move had been made by either of them. For someone who had jumped literally into fire and water on their first meeting, they were not so bold when it came to expressing their emotions.

“Are ruko toh! Aa raha hoon.” (Wait! It'll be just a moment.) Ram hurried to lock up the place. He gave a fond smile at Akhtar’s antics, who was still pouting, brows furrowed, one leg bouncing with urgency while the other was on the kick.

“Jaldi karo! Agar der ho gai toh baarish fir se shuru ho jaayegi.” (Hurry! If we'll be late, it might start raining again.) Akhtar made a point. The weather was finally clear after continuous rain that had almost submerged the streets of old Delhi. Akhtar had been bored out of his mind as the garage was closed and there was nothing much to do around. He’d been visiting Ram even during the heavy rains despite the elder’s warnings that he really ought not to go out in the rains, lest he wanted to be sick.

“Akhtar! Tumse kitni dafaa kahaa hai itni tez baarish mein mat aaya karo.” (Akhtar! How many times have I told you not to visit when it's pouring?)

“Magar aapse milna ho toh?” (But what if I want to see you?)

“Tum bhi na! Mile bina nahi reh sakte kya? Telephone par bhi to baat ho sakti hai na?” (You're too much! You can live without meeting for a few days. And you can talk on the telephone if it's urgent.)

“Aapko dekh nahi pata na main telephone par.” (But I can't see your face on the phone!) And Ram would certainly blush at that comment.

“Bimaar ho gaye to kaun khayal rakhega tumhara?” (What if you get sick?)

“Aap ho na!” (You're there for me, aren't you?) Akhtar would retort with a sugary sweet smile and dopey eyes to make Ram redder.

The sky was awash with light blue, the sun shining brighter than it was since the rain started, like it had come to work after a refreshing vacation in the dark clouds. The weather was not too humid and hot, but quite serene, a breeze flowing gently as the two men skirted through the receding waters on the streets of the city. Everything in the surroundings, the buildings, the trees, the flowers, the roads seemed to have a shine that only the rains bring. People had slowly started emerging out of their houses, finally able to enjoy the calm weather. The stores were opening again, vendors setting up their food stalls, hawkers treading along the pavement, the usual hustle and bustle of the city as it awakened from its slumber.

Ram was watching all this, the motorcycle gliding through the streets, spraying water on the sideways when the tyres hit a puddle. His hands firmly but carefully draped around Akhtar’s waist so as not to appear too intimate for the public. Not that anyone would notice such a small gesture from the speed at which they were going but still Ram was cautious. Being an officer himself, he was a bit too familiar with the British policy on same sex relationships, especially two men. Displaying emotions or affection out freely, however normal the gesture, was frowned upon in the colonies. The British were too orthodox in their ways, which was always what Akhtar complained about. What’s wrong in holding your hand in the bazaar Ram? Why do I have to keep space between us when we sit on the park bench? What’s wrong with my arm around your waist?

How could he explain to Akhtar that he’d seen what happened to men who were even rumoured to be homosexuals? What would even happen if someone was only trying to defend them. How could he tell him that he was one of those who had beaten men up on orders of his superiors that were only under suspicion? How he himself still doubted that something was wrong with him for liking Akhtar the way he did? Even if he knew rationally that there was nothing wrong with that, a part of him, a part that had been under the British influence for too long now, had believed it to be unnatural? How could he elucidate the dilemma that he was under to someone as pure, innocent and non corrupted by the British ideals as Akhtar?

The bike stopped and Ram was brought back to reality. Ram sighed as he realised that he was so engrossed in thoughts that he missed the scenery by the hillside. Anyway, he would now pay attention and enjoy it as they trekked up the higher one on the way to the final destination of their journey. Akhtar had found out from a customer that they literally had t a, ancient temple on the highest hill on the eastern outskirts of Delhi. Especially during monsoon, the trek was entirely heavenly with lush greenery all around, worth the two thousand steps to reach it. Since finding that out, Akhtar had relentlessly pestered Ram to go with him even though Ram had not put up any fight before agreeing. But when it started to rain relentlessly on the previous night when they’d finalised the plan, there was no past or future for that matter, only the present, taking precedence over every other turmoil in his mind.

They trekked up to the top, admiring the heavenly view of the clear skies, the verdant greenery, and the tranquil atmosphere. There was no other human to be seen, like nature was providing a comfortable cocoon just for them to relish. Ram felt he could breathe freely, away from all the cacophony of the city, the pressures of work, the expectations of the whole village that he saw whenever he met with Babai. With Akhtar, there was no past or future for that matter, only the present, taking precedence over every other turmoil in his mind.

Akhtar was startled as a soft voice humming a tune fell on his ears. He turned to the voice to find Ram was humming a tune, leaving him surprised. It was such a joy to see the other carefree for a change. Ram had such a beautiful baritone, Akhtar frequently wondered how it would sound if he sang. Now that he was witnessing it, he was left entranced. He stepped behind Ram, wrapping his hands around his waist, jutting his chin on Ram’s shoulders. Ram smiled involuntarily at this gesture, placing his hands around the younger man’s arms, effectively holding him there.

“Bahot surili aawaz hai aapki.” (You have such a beautiful voice.) Ram felt his cheeks burn at the compliment but he should really get used to it now. Akhtar was never the kind of person who would hold it in, showering everyone in his wake with love and care. If he liked something, he would express it in the sweetest way possible and it never sounded fake. Akhtar nudged him with his nose, “Chup kyon ho gae? Gao na!” (Why did you stop? Continue, please.) Akhtar urged softly.

Ram flushed harder but continued, now properly singing the ghazal. “Gulon mein rang bhare…baad-e-nau bahar chale. Chale bhi aao ke gulshan ka karobar chale…”

Ram sang the entire piece, looking so serene Akhtar never wanted to leave the place. He stood there, hugging the other man, adoring the ghazal and more so the voice reciting it in tune. The lyrics were hauntingly beautiful leaving Akhtar elated and a little bereft at the same time. Because he knew, this amazing moment, the perfect day, will always be a memory. How he wished he could take Ram with him to his tribe. To live with him, be with him not just as nostalgic remembrance when he got back, but as his other half. He gently kissed Ram’s shoulder, a feather like touch which made Ram hitch, slipping out of tune for a second.

Ram freed himself from the embrace, turning toward Akhtar leading him to a tree nearby. He sat down leaning on the trunk, pulling Akhtar by his hand to settle down in his lap. Akhtar settled down between Ram’s legs. The space fitted him like it was made only for him and no one else. His eyelids were drooping with the breeze, the soothing melody and the shade that enveloped him in a safe haven. A small corner carved out in the universe just for the two of them, space and time stretching around them like they were a binary star system orbiting each other. His senses were overwhelmed with the scent of Ram, a whiff of sandalwood and rose plus a musk that was inherently Ram. It felt like home.

***

Please please let me know how you liked it or didn't like it...

And I'm sorry that the translation of the ghazal is not mentioned in the fic but the video link is attached. You can find and learn more, or you can let me know in the comments and I'll be happy to help.

Trivia time: This ghazal is also penned by the legendary Faiz Ahmad Faiz (1911-1984) also written later than 1920s but I'm hiding behind creative liberty once more.

I found this really good translation of it online, so here you go: https://www.shivpreetsingh.com/2021/01/gulon-mein-rang-bhare-lyrics-and.html

Thank you for reading. Signing off!

#rrr #doodles fics #rrr fics #long series #pehli si mohabbat #rrr movie #ram rrr #bheem rrr #rambheem #classical music #indian classical music #rrr fandom #wip

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speaking-at-the-theater · 2 years ago

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watching and dreaming

WATCHING AND DREAMING! i’ve got popcorn and soda ready :D

OH SHIT

–

the in-between? yay?

funky little in-between places between worlds, the unknown, the in between, the nowhere realm, gotta love them

–

FUCK

–

AMITY VS LUZ! the fight to the death literally no one wanted!

–

oh shit. poor…..everyone!

–

terribly sad moment but the color coordination or purple+green+red´+yellow+blue was great (couldnt get a pic w amity’s hair in it that didnt exclude hunter

–

gotta love those tiny details in dream sequences that remind the mc that something is wrong. toh is so good at that, keeping consistency across eps! a witch’s duel was introduced in s1, and yet now they are recalling the concept, drawing attention to it, in a way

—

it’s interesting how ‘light’ here also has implications of truth, reality, knowledge. reminds me of hs in a way, though ik the idea is not exclusive to that

–

family reunion time!

rai-rai? really?

collector is soo cute!

collector is just an amoral child propaganda yes!

(can you guys tell i love collector???)

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spiders are cool yes!!

wow! character who does bad stuff but doesnt realiza it’s bad? sign me right up! i love collector, did you know that?

the interesting contrast of childish innocence plus terrible atrocities is always fun to watch

watcha playing eyyy!!

–

love how luz, eda and king are kind of showing collector what his games feel like (getting injured, painful) for them, while being part of the games themselves! i imagine this si setting up for a ‘stop! this isnt funny anymore’ ‘well, that’s what everyone else feels too’ moment

–

poor collectorrrr nhghhshshshsh new fave character ig

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O COLLECTOR IS THEY THEM I DIDNT NOTICE

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love this shot

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collector is so like a child, they encounter a feeling they dont like and immediately become mean

–

couldnt help but notice their eyes were without that white dot- kinda like the amity-puppet, yk?

collector spinel kinnie, also older-collectors are archivists? cool

ok so my predictions about the archvists taking collector in where wrong, cool. might wanna do something with that later tho

man that’s- that’s sad. collector literally got abandoned by their siblings, and then made new friends, just to see their siblings practically genocide everyone there, just for one of their friends to blame them for that and trap them in an empty dimension for a lot of years (and obviously leaving collector w some trauma). even if they dont say it in grown-up words, what happened to them was awful

luz collector parallels yes!

fuck you belos! go raine!

–

texts i found

-liar

-i gave up my palisman for you (i think?)

-im done

–

oh they really said ‘go big or go home’ w the horror here didnt they?

–

i think it’s cute, seeing luz tell her story of the owl house. kinda like those end of movie narration where the mc describes what they learned. very…heartwarming, excuse me while i cry bc this is the series finale

the knee! i love that theme of ‘can you hear the world singing?’ i’ve seen in so many other places. real magical. and TITAN MAGIC?? gimme.

no but fr they baby

collector saying a baby could do what it took luz like 6 eps to learn

i love!!!!! the idea that luz and the titan/isles are connected to eachother, have loved it since i first came upon it in s1, i should do a (heavily canon divergent basically full on au) fic of it.

–

at first i heard ‘he must really like you’ as ‘he was really like you’ and honestly i like both.

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‘hear that?’ ‘hear what?’ didnt that also happen last ep? i’ve been watching so much media it’s mixing around in my head

—

oof. collector recognizing raine’s earring.

oh?? collector tell us your plan??

‘kindness and forgiveness’ wont help you now collector.

also isnt belos kinda a titan now??? should he be inmune to collector’s magic?

what a load of second-hand embarrassment

collector is such a child!! they see a new rule in this game we call life and they assume it always applies and are surprised when it doesnt! .

‘no, you did good, collector’ yes!! bc collector wasnt completely in the wrong for wanting to understand belos! it means they learned from what luz taught them!! it’s not their fault belos is an asshole!

wow! for everyone who thought king was gonna be the petrified one this season, not quite!

that silent ‘oh no’ look

–

no dont say that!! that’s sad!!! i’m sad now!!

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luz! light! she became light!!

gotta love ‘tiny golden sparks representing magic through a connection with the world surrounding you’ sounds too specific but both toh and spop have done it!

collector i gte you’re grieving but please stop putting yourself in dangerous situations you have to be rescued from

even so: ‘the archivists arent here! the couldnt have taken her!’ noooo

oh. luz’s…..shards, return to the stars. the light glyph is written in the stars. huh.

‘i should have thanked them’ oh. bc everytime they get separated, the separated party thanks luz (‘luz, thank you for being in my life’ ‘thank you for being my big sister’)

i’m crying now.

KING’S DAD????

i should be more surprised but this was set up since the beginning

‘luz is a noceda! you know what that means? it means she’s too strong to let any of this bring her down’ literally!! the name noceda means ‘don’t give up/yield’ theory of language my beloved

‘I’m sorry for everything!’ reminds me of catra. damn. and ‘i don’t want anyone else to go missing……’

i need the music for the titan luz scene.

love this logo?? bc 1 it reminds me of the solar system which correlates w the space theme we’ve got going but also, it reminds me of like, connection. how mixing glyphs together makes them stronger. how luz’s strength is in her friends, her attachments, her connection to the world!

–

OH!!! THE INTRO LEITMOTIF IN THE TITAN LUZ SCENE!!!

is that collector screaming????

no he looks like a cat fr

–

no but??? the isles being overtaken by green vegetation?? utterly natural for humans (belos, and to an extent luz) but utterly alien to the people of the isles?? then luz giving back the red vegetation??? smth about accepting other people’s differences even if they dint align w yours???

gotta love all the callbacks this ep is doing. i could make a compilation of them but it’s like they’re saying ‘we know this is the end, but remember the journey’ remember remember remember ughhhhhh toh will never die.

love how all the glyphs have their natural element form, but also other connotations! the light glyph deals w light, but also knowledge, truth (it helps wake up the people of the isles) but also the obscuring of truth (the invisibility glyph) while fire is both fire and like, movement, the sphere titan!luz travels in is made of fire glyphs while the teletransporting spell has a fire glyph in the middle, light also seems to have themes of ife? and it makes sense for fire to be movement: the more hot something is, the more the atoms in it aare moving and just…. hajdjakd.

–

eda’s requiem???

what the fuck is going on here what does that do

also ‘i am the good witch luz child of the human real student of the demon realm’ YES????? BC SHE’S NO LONGER PRETENDING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE, SHE’S ACCEPTED WHO SHE IS AND WHERE SHE COMES FROM

MORE CALLBACKS

collector seeing the hex-children and curling up…… gonna save this

whoa!! belos is a bastard!! come on, still attepmting to manipulate luz??

also ‘you’re human, you’re better than this’ ‘WELL WE AINT’ (stomps) YESSSS

and the acid rain not hurting luz….nice detail. the titan does look upon her

’Hunter deamonne is canon!!’

–

uh??? no- no more glyphs??????? nooo

–

my babies!!!! theyre all so grown up now

–

in remembrance of flapjack

ToT

…..

i’m going to cry now. bye

i have no grand speech about how much this means to me, mostly bc there are no words to describe it. it’s just…..thank you, TOH, for being in my life.

#toh spoilers #wad toh

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watery-melon-baller · 2 years ago

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Heyyyy bestie

For the character ask game, Luz?

NJMETKWNF THAT WAS QUICK

What I like about them

shes so very optimistic and kind and genuinely wants to help people! she's very enthusiastic about everything it's sweet

What I dislike about them

hmmm. this was more of a S1 thing but I guess when she would just. S1 Luz was more assertive which is something I miss a little bit but also sometimes it did not work out well for her. im gonna elaborate on this in a second

Favourite moment

i loved Camila comforting Luz and then her realizing what she Actually wants with stringbean it's so sweet

Least favourite moment

S1 Ep17 where she pushes willow into having a grudgby match with boscha despite willow being extremely uncomfy with it. like yeah sure it worked out but still. this is also ties into her being more assertive? I don't think assertive is the right word here but kind of just disregarding others feeling sometimes for her. She grows out of this though which was kind of the whole point of the episode so

A situation with this character that I want to see explored more

i wish that there was like. more conflict with the human realm and her mom? like in her eyes her mom sent her away to camp and then when she came back she was "fixed" and her mom didn't even notice anything was wrong until Luz told her she she had been replaced like. I feel like that would fuck a kid up a little bit. add that to her feeling like she shouldn't be upset bc A. She offered her home to Vee and B. vee had it worse then her so she has no right to feel upset!! but like. I have a lot of thoughts on this concept

An interesting AU for this character

umm hmmm. i have lots of toh aus. ive even written a fic about one! uhhh in general i have my reverse au but a good one for her specifically...

not really an au but i think it would have been cool if there was an episode in S1 where Luz had to go back to the human realm for one reason. Maybe she wanted her laptop/phone charger or maybe she was showing Gus around or something. I know she wanted to stay in the BI but I feel like the portal could have been used more

A crossover

im a sucker for toh/gravity falls crossovers I think it's fun. ok this is technically an au but imagine if after kings tide the portal landed them in the mystery shacks basement (it's not like belos tested it beforehand) so on top of THAT they have to figure out how to all get to Connecticut which is so horrible

OTP (or OT3+ etc…. just… favourite ship)

lumity for the win

Other ships?

not really ships but I do like it when people acknowledge her being bi and like. she's like "wow that guy is hot" or "wow that girl is cute" and like. she does love amity but i think she has eyes and thinks willow is cute

BROTP

her and hunter!! (may have written a whole fic about their shennanigans) but also her and king are brothers too. she gets so many siblings what a middle child

NOTP

hm. mainly just anything with weird age gaps or incest but that's kind of standard. i don't do ships much so

An assortment of headcanons!

um I don't have a Bunch but here's a few:

she definitely has an ongoing 40k azura fic on ao3 that randomly stopped updating bc the portal broke. she wrote so many chapters on her phone in the BI.

ive stolen this one from crushpunchh but she's a HUGE linguistics nerd. girl literally taught herself multiple fantasy languages

wears nail polish because she bites her nails so she paints them with bad tasting polish so she stops doing that

if she has an idea and no paper she will just write stuff on her arms and legs so she doesn't forget (i was going to add something else to this but. i forgot.)

has absolutely atrocious handwriting

loves to sculpt and work with clay. doesn't mind getting messy and loves making stuff with her own two hands

i thibk she knew about the shacks existence before she found the portal. like she for sure explored the woods around her house and it's very close to where she lives??? she for sure knew. probably played pretend in there all the time as a kid. she just never saw eda around

#ask game #toh #lilac post

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anisecandy · 2 years ago

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4, 11, and 55 for the fic writer meme!

Hi! The last two days were really busy, family came over etc, so I couldn't answer right away... sorry!

4 - Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

It depends on the project I'm working on! The most obvious answer is other people's writing of course. I'm often inspired by other people's interpretations of the character. For example, I love reading fanfics which deepen the characters in ways I would never consider myself, or even explore small, but interesting elements of their life. However, sometimes when I'm working on a WIP focusing specifically on exploration of emotions and building the mood, I get just tons of inspiration from... observing weather and seeking for perfect ways to describe the sky. Yeah. It sounds silly, I know. But sometimes finding the most atmospheric ways of describing nature is what really puts me in the writing mood!

11 - Link your three favorite fics right now

Ahh- Okay, I'll keep it varied, so let's go with different fandom each.

So, currently I'm following a really cute batdr fic focusing on Ink Demon's and Audrey's relationship (platonic), called "Born from the same ink".

Then, there's also an interesting silly-premise-treated-seriously fic for toh, about Belos becoming friends with Luz (yes, really), by the name of "Resoning with crazy".

And finaly! There's no way I would pass on the opportunity of preaching about "Familiarity, Not To Be Confused For Affection". Top Spidervenom read of all times. Kinda comedic, kinda melancholic. Bitter and sincere. Lovely work, absolutely lovely.

55 - Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

So, here's a little secret about me: I don't really... like writing. I like reading the stuff I've written, yeah, but I don't enjoy writing as much as I enjoy, let's say, drawing. Which is to say, that when choosing the perspective from which I'm writing is usually affected by how difficult it would be to pull off. So usually, I prefer writing from the perspective of characters I can find myself emulating with the most ease. However, out of the fics I've written (only like... half? 2/5? of which are posted on ao3), I think I might have enjoyed writing Venom Symbiote's perspective the most. Which is interesting to me, because it's pretty challenging and requires me to focus on different kinds of stuff than I normally do! But when I'm in the right mood, it's really interesting to try my hands at doing it. I've never really gotten any reaction from my readers to it though, hah!

(also, Ink Bendy. Those who know, know. Was pretty certain that this one wouldn't be received well, but to my delight, it resonated. Although I'm not sure how much of the nuance I wanted to include really came through...)

Thank you for the ask! ✨

#ask game #ask #my writing #fic recommendation

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edoro · 2 years ago

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Do you have any fanfiction recommendations? Just anything that fits under the umbrella of being based on the owl house.

cracks knuckles

to preface this, my faves are heavily weighted towards Fics About Hunter And His Trauma, and i pretty much exclusively read fic in the Hunter tag, so that's what these are all gonna be

i will be putting this under a cut for length, and adding relevant content notes to stuff, but just as kind of a blanket thing, I Enjoy And Write Fucked Up Fiction About Heavy Dark Taboo Topics

so first of all, when i rocked up on the TOH scene here and went "hey, this kid is super molested, where's the fic about that?" the only person i could find writing it was Nova my friend Nova, whose excellent series the Emperor and his Golden Guard is just a fantastic look into how bad Hunter's life sucks.

this series follows Hunter throughout various times in his life as he's groomed and abused by his uncle and struggles to make sense of it. among other things, it does an astounding job of portraying the fractured, dreamlike quality life takes on when you're living in an inescapable hell of unpredictable trauma, and Hunter's dissociation both during the abuse incidents and just in general. heavy but very good!

obvious content warnings here for csa, incest, internalized victim-blaming, basically everything you could expect from the concept.

small comfort has got to be hands down my favorite Hunter CSA Trauma fic in this entire fandom. it is so good. it swings hard at portraying the dreadful mundanity and normalcy of this sort of abuse when you've been groomed into it for your whole life and it does not miss. Hunter's slowly growing but intensely baffled awareness that something isn't quite right is simply heartbreaking.

warnings for csa, incest, and also cocsa (is it still cocsa if they're teens? i think that best communicates the degree of "a very abused child unknowingly enacting that abuse on others")

the sequel, baby steps, focuses on Darius, Raine, and Eda in the aftermath of the revelations of the first fic, and is also one of my favorite "the adults contemplating and admitting just how much they overlooked/ignored how obviously abused this kid was" fics.

Owl Whumptober 2021 (oh god shut up about the passage of time shut up about the passage of time) is a truly delightful series of whumpfics by azhdarchidaen (i would also recommend all of his other fics, tbh! they are all Very Good) that are mostly but not 100% exclusively about Hunter. just all-around solid writing and characterization and tasty, tasty whump.

Imperfect Lock by Nosferatank is a tasty speculative biology fic about Hunter being a grimwalker that came out well before we had like, any info on that at all really, and still holds up very well, although of course we've learned some things since then!

Ortet by KomorebiPines is another speculative fic about the whole grimwalker clone thing that is just delightfully horrifying. non-canonical, but a tasty Silent Hill-esque vibe to it that i think makes it worth reading.

Stop Blubbering You Literal Baby by mandaree1 is a great little fic about How Hunter Got That Scar, featuring an interesting look into Kiki's take on the whole deal. physical abuse, some unkind behavior/victim-blaming from Kiki.

Confessional by VillainIHaveDoneThyMother is a haunting look into what might have happened if Hunter had gone back post-Hollow Mind. stupendously creepy behavior from Belos, intensely fucked up mindset from Hunter, all-around good stuff.

all of their stuff is good, but i also want to specifically mention A House On Actual Fire (Belos/Stanford Pines crackship, hilarious and delightful) (various types of implied abuse one of which i'm p sure is csa if you squint), Lay Leg O'er (what if Philip were a self-loathing evil slut?) (tons of internalized stuff and, as the tags say, Very Bad BDSM Etiquette), Yearling (Philip tries out being a wee haunted evil doll on one of his grimwalkers) (the concept is the entire warning i think), and Gold Foil (cute lil pre-Goldric!)

create in me a pure heart, o god by katrinasis is an excellent glimpse into Philip's twisted fucked up mindset with the whole, you know, constant cycle of cloning, abuse, and fratricide

But Before That, You'll Be a Doormat to Every vicious Narcissist in the World by Destinyllama is a fun look at various POVs post-Hollow Mind, getting into a lot of stuff about Hunter's whole situation. got all kinds of abuse, heavy on the cycles of fuckery, weird religious shit, Philip being messed up, and emotional incest.

what we are is the sum of a thousand lies by by elliptical is a HYSTERICALLY funny canon divergent au from s2e6 where Darius brings a wounded Hunter to Eda's house in the middle of the night because he doesn't have anywhere else to go, and they are both just very tired, very stressed, and very bitchy to each other. i adore this fic and its Eda voice SO MUCH

5 Easy Steps to Be a Cool Teen Rebel by verboseDescription is a very cute look at Hunter trying to individuate himself and find out just who he wants to be, ft Dadrius

A Quiet Valley by ConceitedDemon is a post-finale fic from Camila's pov about Witches Being Weird, it is cute and fun

hello my hollow Holofernes by TheAndersonRecord is an incredible and deeply haunting post-finale fic from Camila's pov that's largely about Hunter Having A Bad Fucking Time, evil goop uncle possession style, and you should all read it right now.

and then, of course, i write fic!

paint the blood is my take on the "Hunter in the Owl House" genre (graphic scene of physical abuse in first chapter, overall whump and trauma), Best-Laid Plans is a Babybel AU fic (past csa + physical and religious abuse, present-day torture and attempted sexual assault), Expectations is a post-canon Dadrius fic (past csa shown on-page), A Mutually Satisfactory Arrangement is for the Huntlow appreciators out there (past csa)

come up for air is a post-canon Raine And Hunter Have A Talk Fic (a talk about Hunter's csa and also a past abusive relationship Raine was in), every human touch is about Luz sneaking into the castle, running into Hunter, and witnessing something neither of them wanted her to (csa), and but he talks like a gentleman is a little canon divergent idea of What If Luz Ended Up Stuck In Philip's Time With Him In S2E12? (actually nothing bad happens in this one)

#hunter toh #philip wittebane #the owl house #fic recs #asks

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ammonitetheseaserpent · 2 years ago

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Hey there! Remember that post I made on my art blog that hyped some of you up for a fic that marks a certain milestone in my writing (my first multi-chapter fic)?

Well… in this post, I present the first official chapter. First though, I wanna give a quick rundown of what Tide of Tied Minds is: it’s an AU scenario where Hooty doesn’t eat Tarak’s letter, so the trip to Titan Trapper Island - and subsequent connection with the Collector - happens earlier in the TOH timeline. I made this fic mainly to explore this connection, since it’s a topic I’ve been curious abt ever since it was introduced in the show.

This will be a relatively short endeavor, abt 6 chapters, and it won’t be, like, a story with back-to-back chapters, but rather a bunch of my ideas that I’ve woven into a more cohesive, chronological thing - so there’ll be time gaps between chapters. Maybe I’ll do a fic like that one day, but for now, this one is mainly just meant to be a character-focused thing exploring a concept at many different points on a timeline.

Everyone got that squared away? Good; without further ado, enjoy the show!

Tide of Tied Minds

Chapter 1: Middle Ground

Summary: After his first dream-encounter with the mysterious fella known as the Collector, King grows curious and decides to see if he can find out more about this being and the place that contains them.

Chapter Word Count: 1,216

Trigger Warnings: Out-of-body experience (just in case)

King is asleep.

Sleep was always one of the places he felt safest. After all, who would dare intrude upon the king of all demons during his precious naptime hours?

Later, after finding out that that whole thing was a mere fantasy, sleep offered a break from the new trials and tribulations that came with figuring himself out and setting his life straight.

In recent days, though, sleep feels more like… a gamble. There’s no telling if the next dream will end up being an average one or something that feels like more than just a product of his mind.

King peels his eyes open, and finds himself surrounded by strange, marble-like rock formations overhanging a pitch-dark lake with a small shipwreck.

Welp. Case in point.

This isn’t the first time he’s been here. The first time, he walked away with some questions for sure, but otherwise didn’t think much of it. Now, though…

I need answers.

King slowly pivots in the air until he’s facing the large bubble several paces above him.

And I think I have an idea of who could provide them.

The young Titan clears his throat, steels himself, and calls out into the teal-tinted void. “Hello?”

The response from the suddenly visible shadow is almost immediate. “Who’s ther- wait…”

The Collector’s silhouette pauses, gears definitely turning in their mind.

“It’s you.”

“Yep.”

“You… came back?”

“Mm-hm.”

“But… how do you keep getting here? Who are you?”

Nope. Can’t answer either of those.

“Can you see me up there?” King asks, pointing his snout up at the orb. The Collector shrugs, so he paddles upward and perches on a jagged rock, face-to-face with the being.

The silhouette’s eyes widen, as if actually seeing King for the first time. “You’re his kid. But, here… ? Waaaiit…” The Collector tips their head, a glint of wary curiosity in his narrowed eyes. “Did you come to check up on me? Make sure I’m still here?” Their mouth gives a wry twist. “Trust me, I’m going nowhere.”

King blinks. “What? No, no, I have no idea how I’m even ending up here - wherever “here” is. Seriously, what is this place?”

The Collector lifts a finger and gives the bubble around him a halfhearted jab. “It’s like this pocket dimension that’s between aallll the other realms. Makes it a… pretty convenient prison,” they add in a mutter.

A short silence ensues, only interrupted by the occasional tap and scrape made against the inside of the cosmic orb as the Collector flicks glances at King. Finally they drift down and press their hands against the spherical surface, studying him intently.

“What’s your name?” They ask.

“Um. King.”

“King. I knew you when you were just an egg, y’know. I’ve always wanted to play with you, but your dumb old dad wouldn’t let me - kept saying it was ‘too dangerous’, whatever that was supposed to mean. I can’t believe we finally get to- well… I guess there aren’t a lot of games we can play here, are there?” The Collector frowns, tapping their chin, his gaze sweeping across the void. “Hmm… we’re still talking, though, and I don’t get to do that a lot here either. Usually I just talk to myself, but this is… different. In a good way.”

Silence falls once again. As King processes what he’s just been told, he can’t help but feel a twinge of sympathy for the Collector. This curious being seems… lonely. Lonely, but somewhat numb to it. Just how long has this kid - at least, King assumes they’re a kid - been in here? Thinking back to their first encounter, the Collector had only just realized King was present before he’d desperately begged the young Titan not to leave.

It’s a desperation King’s become painfully familiar with.

I did come across someone on that island who knows what it’s like to be left behind, after all.

He lowers himself until he’s lying comfortably on the precipice, his front paws tucked underneath himself.

I just had the wrong ones.

“Hey, so… if you want, I could, y’know… stay here. For a bit longer.”

The Collector perks up immediately, their face brightening. “Would you?”

King nods. “I figure it’s the least I can do, y’know?”

With that, the two talk until they run out of topics, and when King finally wakes, he feels a bit more… resolved than he has in a long while.

“Are you sure he can be counted on?”

This is the first question King poses during his third visit to the place he now knows is called the In-Between. As soon as he asks it, he knows the conversation’ll take an interesting turn.

The Collector whips around, eyes locked onto King. “What do you mean? Why shouldn’t I be?”

Taken off guard by the edge in the shadow figure’s voice, King chooses his next words carefully. “I mean… if you’ve seen firsthand how he gives false promises to people he needs things from, where… where are you getting the hope that he’ll uphold his end of your deal?”

The Collector holds up a finger as if about to protest, but then drops it, as well as his gaze. They stay silent for a long moment, fidgeting, before releasing their tension in a drawn-out sigh. “Fine, you’ve got a point. I guess. It probably is a little weird that he got Titan blood, like, a week ago, and he still wants to wait until the Day of Unity to actually use it. He was all weird about it, too. All secretive, when he first got it; if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear he’d been trying to hide it from me.” The cosmic entity gives his head a quick, irritated shake. “He’s got to have his reasons, though. He’s got to. Right?” They look over at King, almost desperately. “…right?”

When King doesn’t respond, their face falls a little, and they drop their gaze again. “Cause, I-I mean, if he doesn’t, then that means…” He gives a huff of forced laughter, a pained smile creasing the edges of their mouth. “That means he’s been lying to me for 400 years, and I really will be stuck here forever, and that just can’t happen.”

Their voice breaks, and he lowers his head into his hands, curling around himself slightly.

A promise is a weighty thing; King knows that well. He can only imagine what might come with making a promise you can’t keep, or never intend to keep - and can only hope the option bubbling up in his mind won’t end up carrying those consequences.

As the silence stretches on, the Collector parts two of their fingers slightly to give King a brief glance. He has a hunch that he knows what that glance means - though, regardless of whether or not that hunch is true, King knows what he has to do.

“If he doesn’t free you…” King floats over to the bubble and rests a paw on its marbled surface, “I will.”

The Collector blinks, puts their own hand against the orb, and curls in every digit until only his pinkie finger is retaining the contact. “…pinkie swear?”

Without a moment’s hesitation, King does the same with his paw. “Pinkie swear.”

#the owl house #the owl house au #toh au #tide of tied minds #the owl house fic #toh fic #toh the collector #the collector toh #the collector #toh king #king clawthorne #toh belos #emperor belos #belos wittebane #toh philip #philip wittebane #toh titan #my jottins

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mossharpy · 3 years ago

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Do u know any TOH fics where it focuses on human culture/Luz being different? I can't find any :(

i've got two! but then this prompt took me by the hands and i ended up writing my own little drabble.

from ao3:

crossing paths by Vikingfangirl23 | 2991 Words | One-Shot | Summary: Luz deals with bullies, Owlbert's been following her longer than she realizes.

It's Just Hair by foolish_snail | 1889 Words | One-Shot | Summary: Luz is tired of getting bullied for her hair. May as well do something about it.

from me (under read more):

Willow and Gus were avoiding her. It was frustrating; all day they’d been skirting around her questions and attempts to confront them about their unusually skittish behavior. They told each other everything—why was this time different? Luz had briefly worried she’d done something to upset Willow, who tended to still be sore about how much time she was spending with Amity.

Luz understood where the witch was coming from, she’d be upset if her best friend started dating her ex-bully too. But, if that was the case, why was Gus avoiding her? Gus was brutally honest about his feelings; he wore his heart on his sleeve. Willow was more closed off, but Gus was always willing to play middleman if a miscommunication occurred. Even worse, when she’d asked them about wanting to sit together at lunch, the two came up with some on-the-spot excuse about having detention. Luz loved her friends, but they were terrible liars.

But she didn’t push. Luz let them go.

The human poked her PB&J, sighing. She didn’t like being ignored.

Fridays were usually her favorite day of the week. She loved Hexside—don’t get her wrong—more than she’d ever loved school, but on Fridays, as soon as school let out, Willow and Gus would follow her back to the Owl House. There, they’d begin their usual ritual of eating far too much junk food and watching crappy Boiling Isles reality TV. It was fun, it was their chance to put aside all their worries, about school, about magic, about getting home, and let loose.

Their distance made Luz think her friends weren’t willing to hang out that night.

A plastic tray gently found a place next to her, and Luz let her eyes wander upward to land on the face of her girlfriend. She smiled, worries abandoned, and focus turned toward Amity, who nervously pulled a string of lavender hair from her face, a pale blush creeping over her nose and tinging her face.

“Are Willow and Gus joining us?” She spoke formally, a trait the witch often defaulted to when trying to hide how flustered she was.

The question made Luz frown, and she let her head fall against the lunch table. “They’ve got better things to do.”

Amity nodded, taking Luz’s hand under the table, and hesitantly letting their fingers intertwine. “I guess they would be busy, what, with the party, they’re planning and all.”

“…Party?”

The purple-haired witch made a small face, “You didn’t know? Gus has been talking my ear off all day about it.” She conjured her scroll to show her girlfriend, gesturing to the dozens of unread penstagram messages she’d likely chosen to ignore.

“The two of them have been insufferable today, how am I supposed to know the difference between Pep Ph.D. and Dr Fizz? And what in Titan’s name is a clown.” She threw up her hands, irritated, before resigning to letting them sit crossed over her chest.

Luz shrugged, still staring at the number of messages, “Pep tastes kinda like barbecue sauce if it was carbonated, Dr Fizz is sweeter, bubblier, and by far the better soda. And clowns are a staple of every good party.”

Amity looked slightly baffled, like she wasn’t expecting Luz to have an opinion either, then gently took her scroll back to rapidly text a message to Gus.

“…What’s the party for?” The words came out muffled, and slightly anxious. She wanted to help, she was a great party planner—Willow knew that, Gus knew that, why were they leaving her out?

“Oh,” Amity was stilly texting, “I think Gus’s birthday is coming up.”

“WHAT?” Luz slammed her hands on the cafeteria table, startling Amity and bringing the attention of the rest of the lunchroom to both of them, various Hexside students glaring or staring, judgingly.

Amity gently brought her hands to Luz’s shoulders, pulling the human back into her seat and nervously laughing. Said human leaned in, close, raising a hand to her mouth to whisper.

“What do you mean Gus’s birthday is coming up?” She was his friend; she should be an expert in these kinds of things! No wonder he and Willow had been avoiding her, they probably didn’t want to break the news to her that she had forgotten one of her best friends’ birthday.

“The party is this weekend,” Amity supplied, mimicking her girlfriend’s hushed tone. “They’ve been sending out invitations on penstagram all day.”

She turned her scroll toward Luz again, this time, a fun-looking, brightly colored invitation with a doodle drawing of Gus throwing confetti, sprawled across her penstagram dashboard. The specific details were cut out, but she could see that Amity was right—the party was this Saturday.

A small knot formed in Luz’s stomach. She couldn’t get a scroll—they were too intertwined with witch magic, and without a bile sack, it was hard to get one. Normally, if she really wanted to see what was going on, she’d ask Eda to borrow hers, but she didn’t have one of her own. Gus knew that, so did Willow. Did they not want her there? Why wouldn’t they give out invitations in person? Why were they hiding this from her?

She slumped onto the table, burying her face in her arms.

“I guess, well—” Amity faltered, catching up on her girlfriend’s sudden deflation, “It is his thirteenth birthday.”

Luz cringed.

“No, no,” Her girlfriend continued, “It’s his thirteenth birthday, Luz.”

She stared, blankly. “I don’t get what you mean. Why are you saying ‘thirteenth’ like that?”

“Oh shoot,” Amity face-palmed, a pointed ear twitching, “Of course you wouldn’t have the thirteenth, I forget how fragile humans are.”

“Hey,” Luz dragged out the word, scowling, “We’re not fragile, we’re just not meant to digest fairies or survive boiling water.”

Her girlfriend snickered, “Like I said, fragile. Anyways, when a witch turns thirteen, you have to go through some… trials.”

“I like trials,” Luz mumbled.

Amity smiled, fondly, then grimaced, “They’re not fun trials, Luz. A witch’s thirteenth birthday is said to be cursed; you have to spend the day with bad luck, and if you manage to survive, at the end of the day you can throw a party, celebrating your ability to wield magic and become a real witch. It’s a rite of passage.”

She ‘oohed’, “That sounds cool. Why wouldn’t Gus tell me about it?”

The purple-haired girl made a face, “I’m not sure. You’re perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, even if you are… squishy. I’m confident in your ability to survive the death threats of a thirteenth.”

Resting her chin in the palm of her hand, Luz grumbled. “Thank you.”

She moped the rest of the school day.

When her final class came, and the last bell screamed, Luz sulked, taking her time to put away her spell books and potions, slowly zipping her bag and slowly tucking away her pencils. She wasn’t looking forward to walking home alone.

Her feet felt heavy, footsteps echoing down the bustling hallway as other students excitedly talked about their weekend plans. She tried to ignore every whisper of ‘party’, flipping her cowl up to hide her face. Normally, Luz didn’t mind people staring. At home, she got enough of it already, but in the Boiling Isles being the only human made her feel… important.

She didn’t feel important right now.

Her hand gently pushed the front door of the school open, light momentarily blinding her as her eyes got adjusted to the outdoors.

“Luz!” An excited voice called her name, forcing her head to instinctively turn toward the offending noise.

Suddenly, two bodies were tackling her, and Luz found herself toppling to the ground.

“Ohmigosh, are you okay?” A very frantic Gus clambered from their pile of entangled limbs, pushing himself and Willow off of Luz.

“Wha—Gus? Willow? What are you guys doing here?” She blinked a few times, rubbing at the arm she had stupidly hit on the stone ground. Dumb human arms, always getting injured. “I thought you would’ve been getting ready for the party.”

They both cringed.

“Oh… you found out about that?” Willow fiddled with the hem of her skirt, looking away from the human’s face.

Luz felt her face get hot. She was not going to cry about this. Absolutely not. “Of course, I found out! What I wanna know is why my two best friends decided I’m not cool enough to go to their really scary thirteenth birthday party? I know Gus has to go through dangerous trials, and like, prove himself and whatever, but I’m tough! I can take it.”

Gus looked between her and Willow, as if debating whether he should say something. A beat of silence passed.

“Of course, I want you at my party,” the younger witch finally spoke, “actually, that’s what we were coming to talk to you about—”

He scratched the back of his neck, pausing briefly.

“Eda told us that humans don’t have bad luck rituals on their thirteenth birthday, so we—well—we may have—”

“It’s a double party!” Willow interrupted, face quickly turning bright pink. “Sorry, sorry! I’ve been dying of anticipation all day.”

She pulled a rolled-up parchment from her bag, unfurling it to show Luz an edited version of Gus’s party invitation. This one included a small doodle of Luz as well as Gus, both donning matching party hats and throwing confetti. At the bottom, the date and time were clearly listed.

Saturday, 9:00pm, The Owl House.

Luz’s eyes widened, a large grin forming on her face.

“You guys!” She d’awwed, pulling them into a group hug.

“We didn’t want you to miss out, and Eda said you’d be able to handle all the bad luck just fine, and King’s okay with it as long as we bubble-wrap you, and we didn’t want to miss your birthday in case you had to go home before we can celebrate—” Gus cut his own rambling off, taking a breath.

“We got a clown!” Willow laughed, excitedly clapping.

Gus nodded enthusiastically, repeating her, “We got a clown!”

“Is this why you were texting Amity all those weird questions?”

Her friends both gasped, Gus especially offended, “I wanted to be as accurate as possible, the party is human-themed after all. Amity wasn’t supposed to tell you about it! That’s the point of a surprise party.”

“Eda was setting up pre-birthday decorations at the Owl House for tonight’s sleepover.” Willow added.

“Sleepover?” Luz repeated, awestruck. “Oh, my Azura, you guys are the best.”

The three kids hugged again, laughing about their birthday schemes. Human or not, Luz should’ve known better than to think her best friends would exclude her like that.

This was going to be the best Friday ever.

#long post #ask ask #writing bits #talking bits #writing recs #ao3 #toh fanfic #toh writing #toh luz #toh oneshot #the owl house #my bad if this is a mess it's not beta read and i wrote it in like. an hour #jhkjhkj enjoy!#misunderstanding trope my beloved #dirts and drabbles

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unioncolours · 3 years ago

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A 2nd Majsasaurus Year!

Today, 22nd of September 2021, it’s been two years since I officially joined the magical world of fandom. 22.9.2019 I uploaded the first chapter to my fic Shadows and Sand, and the rest is history.

I did a deep dive into my first year as a fic writer and active member of fandom last year, when it was my first anniversary. You can read it here!

In that meta discussion about my membership of fandom, I presented it as if walking on clouds. I was so, so happy and talked during all the discussion about my happiness in fandom.

Since that post was written, my life and also my perception of the fandom I am part of has changed. Change isn’t always bad, as I really had a honeymoon phase with fandom over a year ago, and the low after hit hard.

But let’s see what I’ve been up to and what I’ve been writing! The following year provided much change and fun things! Please keep reading 💜⬇

The first fic I wrote since 22.9.2020 was a Sakura x Ino fic. I had for a longer while been interested in writing a woman-loves-woman ship, which I had never done before, and as a wlw-person myself the urge to explore that part led to Promise me this is just a kiss. The pairing itself was chosen on rather random, it had to be two women and I like Ino, so I chose the most popular Ino-wlw ship for this for convenience.

I really liked writing the fic and it was well-received! It was the first time I had written a fic that was entirely centred around exploring feelings and having sex.

After this I jumped directly onto the next idea that had been boiling inside me for a longer while. Up to this point, all I had written, except the wlw-fic, had been set in the Naruto canonverse and I was itching to try to work with a multi-chaptered modern au! The pairing was of course my beloved Shikadai x Inojin.

It was during the creation of this fic I began to struggle. This was a new genre, as this was romance only and all my other works had been action and fantasy based, except the sex fic of course. I was maybe over critical and stressed, which resulted in me having a hard time writing it. But I made it. Was the sky always this beautiful? ended up being 35k long, and in hindsight, I freaking love, love, love how it turned out in the end and what it represented. I am very proud of this fic.

I “upgraded” as a fan by the end of October when I bought myself a digital drawing tablet. I began drawing fanart of Shikadai and Inojin and preferably them two together, haha! I still draw a few days a month and find it extremely fun as a side hobby beside the writing.

We are now in November 2020. By this time, I had completely finished my zine fic, Under the Scorching Sun, which I had written during September and October, for the Shikatema zine I was kindly accepted to. I was proud of what I had created and was eager for the rest of the contributors to wrap up theirs, so we’d have a wonderful zine for sale in 2021. It was lovely to write ShikaTema again. As the zine fic was about to be released in months from when I had at first finished it, I wanted of course to write something fans and friends could immediately take part of on the internet. I had hyped myself up to a state where I wanted to write a third and final story in my series To love and never let go, my epic series about Shikadai and Inojin.

Now, I should maybe have waited another month, but I was worried the readers would give up on me if I didn’t write it right away. In December, I began writing To find hope in the Universe, with my usual speed and love for the art.

What I by then didn’t realise or even recognise was that I was very slowly turning burned out. I ignored all the signs.

In December I wrote simultaneously as Hope in the Universe a fic that was part of the Shikatema server’s Secret Santa event. The fic’s name was The Ghost Stories of our Hearts, and it was ShikaTema, as the event’s name suggests. It was fun to write and despite the final big fic, Hope in the Universe, pressing down on me, I finished The Ghost Stories of our Hearts and was very happy with the result. Sadly, at this point the burnout began taking control over me, and I never managed to reply to the comments.

The 15th of January, I began uploading To find hope in the Universe. It was a lovely experience, even if it was tainted by negative feelings coming from my decreasing happiness and the fact that it didn’t do as well as To dance above the Stars, the second fic in the series. To deal with two very contradiction emotions, loving my work, the characters, how I have painted an entire world around the characters and how I knew some people honestly loved my hard work, and then the negative feelings coming from not feeling good enough and depressed, was a difficult thing to navigate and still is when I think back to that time. It didn’t help that during the process of uploading the fic I went through grief, and I chose distraction as my coping method. I kept writing and working, the only thing I ever knew.

Our pre-order of the Shikatema zine was in full motion by this time and it was a nerve-wracking time! Mostly because of excitement but also worry. I’m super happy for my friends who were part of the zine, with whom I could share all the excitement and nervousness with. The zine ended up making good sales, which made me happy among the uploading of the long fic.

To find hope in the Universe was completed 31st of March 2021. When I uploaded the final chapter, I felt nothing. It was so weird, so spooky, to have finished a long fic and a series on top of that and not feel anything. But deep down, beneath the layer of depression, I felt great pride.

That was the emotion that broke free once the burnout left me. Pride.

I had created this empire of Shikajin, a whole alternative timeline, an alternative canon from my own head and to this day, that is my internet legacy. I love Trial of the Heart, which I wrote in 2020, but if I have to choose between ToH and this series, I will choose To love and never let go in a heartbeat.

So, even if it felt depressing and hopeless in the moment, I look now back with pride and happiness. Never forget that. Never forget that I made that.

April was a curious time. I swore to not write anything, because I had by now recognised that I was burned out and needed to rest, yet managed to scrape together three smaller fics.

The first one was another wlw-smut fic, TemaSaku this time called Another Light. I wanted to explore that part once again. I wrote it in canonverse and honestly think the fic ended up extremely nice. Perfect amount of feels and sex. It didn’t feel hard to write at all, because the setting, characters and emotions were so different from the fics I had written the last five months.

Now more interesting things lay on the horizon! A new zine, the Ino-Shika-Cho zine called Beyond a Bond had an interest check during the spring, and later the contributor application. I urged in the interest check to please give us the next gen kids, Shikadai, Inojin and Chocho – my kids and babies, and when it turned out they were going to feature, I had to apply as a writer. For this application I wrote a one shot, called It’s just hair, and I loved this spunky little story featuring the best babies that I created.

I also edited one of my tumblr fics, And then I kissed him, into a longer, better version that I later in May uploaded onto AO3. It was once again a Shikajin, a sequel of Trial of the Heart, and it was a fun little project.

Now May came and I sent in the application for the zine early, which I now am relieved I did. I am happy that I did the work for the application in April instead of May, because in May I had a few breakdowns and another grieving period, which lead to complete creative paralysis. I didn’t write a single word during May, only uploaded the two one shots I had prepared in April.

What I did do in May was to read through the Shikatema zine I had contributed to! It arrived in the mail! I was so nervous; my whole body was shaking when I opened the package right outside the post office. The zine now resides on the parade place in my little zine shrine in the bookshelf. Thank you to the mods who made this a reality!

To my great happiness my zine adventures continued as I was accepted to the Ino-Shika-Cho zine as a writer and was assigned to write my favourite characters. I felt so relieved and overjoyed, mind blown by the sheer talent among the contributors.

On the other fandom front, June didn’t continue any brighter, with stress and mental pain still having a strong grip around me, despite the very happy news that I am still so grateful for. I wrote a Yamanaka family fic which to this day hasn’t seen the light of AO3, because of negative emotions surrounding it. I turned into a complete wreck compared to me in June 2020. In June 2020 I was flourishing, I loved what I did, I loved fandom and I loved the friends I had made through Discord servers. Now I could find myself crying my eyes out over a wip not going the way I wished it would. What had happened to Bex 2021?

I was so incredibly frustrated with myself, groaning in defeat when my hands just couldn’t write. I managed to push through 6k of what I called my “emo au” – more of that later – and finish the Yamanaka fic which is still buried, and on top of that I had the zine and another fandom event, The Naruto Photo Album, to create content for. Why couldn’t I do it? Why couldn’t I find happiness in something that once was my reason for happiness?

In the end, I managed to write 15k in June. My former monthly word count used to be 30k. One could think this would turn into the end of my fic writing career, or the beginning of a longer hiatus, but I am stubborn and want to meet the expectations of the people who love my content, so I didn’t want to give up. I wanted to try. I wanted to be whoever I was before.

Funnily enough, the healing came in the shape of the most self-indulgent fic I have ever, ever written, a fic I like possessed began writing July the 1st 2021. It was nothing less than a freaking fairy tale AU, namely a Shikadai x Inojin Peter Pan AU. I can hear you laugh at the silliness of it, but this whimsical AU gave me back my love for writing. I hyper-fixated on this story quite a bit and stopped writing on everything else, something I almost never do.

Only happy boys fly ended up being 21 000 words long! I knew it was a niched story, and true to my guesses, the story has to this day very low stats. Today, two months after it was published, it has just above 100 hits and 10 kudos, so for all I know, only ten people read and liked it. I try to not care too much, since I love the story and in some way, that story saved me from going batshit insane over my emotions about writing.

At this point I had begun writing my fic from the Ino-Shika-Cho zine, finding joy in silly scenes with my favourite characters and trying to heal. The writing process was frustratingly slow, but one word at a time I got forward and as of today, the draft is done. The pre-orders are in December. At the side of the zine fic I wrote a short fluffy Shikajin story, CLEAR, a story with almost no plot, because I knew how much self-indulgence could help me.

And then, I finally began writing for real on my emo au, A gang of fallen stars, which has the first few chapters up right now! I have for the first time in six months a longer fic (if we don’t count the Peter Pan story) and it feels… good. This fic is once again a modern au, but in darker tones than my other modern au from November 2020. I honestly like what I have so far, even if I during June and July almost planned to never finish it. I am so relieved I managed to begin the upload. In September the Photo Album was released and I could show my two fics I wrote for it.

It sounds like this year has been nothing but misery, and at times it felt like it. However, there are a few fandom friends who brought light to my life when I couldn’t see it. The first ones to mention are of course my partners in crime, @notquitejiraiya and @thespookymoth. Together we created a server dedicated to Ino-Shika-Cho during the spring and it has been tons of fun with the members there! Thank you two for listening to me and for being my friends during 2021.

I also have to mention Soverel, who carefully begun taking contact through comments and likes on my twitter, and later through direct messages, and it has been a fun ride ever since. We’ve had lovely discussions which are very dear to me and your support means a lot to me. Thank you for being you and for drawing so many wonderful artworks you’ve shared with me. Haha, and for making me play Genshin Impact, even though I do it like twice a month!

Another person who has made my days so much brighter is @sugarriene. Thank you for sending me that one dm that made us chat regularly, thank you for popping up and sharing panels and your wonderful drawings with me, and for vibing head canons with me. You are a lovely person, and you make me happy.

Finally, I want to give a shout out to @yoboseyokyu for listening to me when I had to yell into the void and for making me happy with your cute posts on both twitter and tumblr.

Since September 2020, I’ve written around 195 000 words and drawn close to 35 illustrations, most of them of Shikadai and Inojin. Almost 200 000 words of Majsasaurus. I’ve created a Discord server and I’ve been part of two zines as a writer, plus a free PDF-project.

It has been a wild year. A year filled with passion for my favourite characters and ship, with the excitement that came with being part of projects and hyping them. It was a year where I learned to draw digitally, and heck what fun it was.

This also a year where I learned people can be mean to me because of what I ship and that fandom friends won’t necessarily always stay to be your friend anymore and how much it can hurt. I also learned what my limits are, and what punishment I get if I don’t listen to my own mind and rest when I have to.

It was a year, guys.

Now, onto the third Majsasaurus Year. Cheers!

And those of you, who supported me when I needed it – thank you and I love you.

#majsasaurus

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jeonqquk · 4 years ago

Note

Idk how to address you so for now I'll say....noona? unnie? Senpai? 🤔

Sure let's go with senpai lol

But I have to say that before I encountered you and your drabble 'what did you think?' w/ PJM , I lost my motivation to write and tbh I wrote horribleness.

So I thank you but also hate you ( in a joking manner) for reviving my dead motivation to write.

And 😖 I may or may not have thought of a plot for your drabble ( yup, a fanfic of a fanfic lol)

Though don't count I'll actually do it. I was just thinking about it and while I was taking a shower I literally thought of an excerpt of the plot I made up and it sounded so beautiful It's only right for you to read it since it is based on your fic.

Also, I feel like a fraud when I think I was inspired by your drabble and decided to unintentionally think of a plot where it resumes right where you ended it lol

I came up with a non sequitur/excerpt of the plot I made (inspired by your drabble).

Would you like to read it? 👉👈🥺

It'll just be for me to see since

1) I don't want ppl getting the wrong idea. I just wanted to bring my imagination to life about your drabble if it were turned into a full story and how I imagine it would go.

2) what are words? How I thought of it in my head is not how it's coming out on paper/word document

It's kinda just me saying 👉👈" O🅱️🅱️aR, this is what I wrote and how I imagine the plot would go if you were to turn it into a series/story"

It's just me fan girling over your drabble lol

But if it sounds like I'm stealing I promise you I won't be putting it out there.

As a matter of fact I have the urge to just hand you the plot and be like "pls continue it and turn it into a full-blown story" but I'm not gonna force you.

I hope you don't take it the wrong way and I can always delete the document if you request so and just have it play in my mind rent free lol

Last thing before I leave...love, love, love how you write! It's so magical, in my eyes, compared to my kindergarten, rookie writing.

No wonder I decided to stop.

Okay bye now 😘👋

🏃‍♀️💨

Hi anon! I just wanna start by saying that I'm so so glad that you liked my fic, and even thought of a continuation for it. So thank you so much!!

Sure, I go by Naba but anything you want is fine as well <3

I'm so happy that my drabble helped you gain your motivation back, and know that I have absolutely no problem if you decide to continue it on your blog! The fact that you would even want to do that with a fic of mine means so much to me!

Don't feel bad at all for wanting to continue a story, and I'd absolutely love to read it!

The part about not being able to write what toh think is something I relate to as well😩 Sometimes, I have the plot for the fic ready but when I start writing it, I'm either just not able to concentrate or can't find the right words. So I usually just leave it in my docs and come back to it later after reading other fics for y'know, more words🤡

Nope. It does not from any angle, to me, seem like you are stealing anything from me and I'm actually really excited about how you're gonna continue it!

Please go ahead with what did you think, I would love to read it from your perspective and have a nice day!!

#sENPAI SENT ME FLYING #🤠🤠🤠

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lostinshawnsmemory · 5 years ago

Text

Figure You Out: Chapter 4 - Shawn x African OC

A/N: I would like to apologise for how long it’s been since you saw Shawn and Tolani. Life just gets in the way you know? That being said, they are back with a vengeance.

Word Count: 5.8k

Warning(s): None

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“How was the date with coffee boy?”

Tolani stopped, her fork halfway to her mouth. Desire had insisted that she joined her, Nicole and Kyle for lunch on campus during their collective free period and there was no way she could get out of it. “We haven’t hung out as a group since that night.” she had whined. “That was a week ago. I mean we all live together.”

“Umm. Coffee boy is fineee.” Tolani shrugged drawing out the ‘fine’. “Just fine?” Desire asked with a raised eyebrow. “You looked so excited before you left yesterday and we didn’t catch you at the cinema so it must have been good.” she wiggled her eyebrows.

“You’re dating!” Nicole squealed. “Nope.” Tolani shook her head. “I’m not dating anyone.”

“What’s wrong with dating?”

“Firstly, one coffee date doesn’t mean I’m ‘dating’. ” Tolani said raising her hands to put the words dating in air quotations. “Second of all, I didn’t come all the way here to meet a boy. I have shit to do.” Tolani huffed, signalling the end of the conversation.

“You know we didn’t ask you to come out just to ask about your coffee date right?” Nicole looked at her. “We want to hang out with you and get to know you.”

“Yeah.” Kyle added. They’d crossed paths a few more times after ‘liongate’ as she was calling it. After that comment, she’d been incredibly wary of him and even though she wouldn’t call him a friend anytime soon, he was someone that Desire spent a lot of time with and because of that, she was willing to give him a chance. “We want to be here for you.”

The sentiment was sweet if not a little premature. Tolani knew that they were being nice and wanted to get to know her, but she just didn’t feel 100% comfortable around them yet. It took a while before she warmed to people, save for a certain curly-haired singer who knew more about her than anyone in the city, though that wasn’t saying much when she took into account how many people she actually knew in Toronto.

“The date with coffee boy was good.” Tolani smiled thinking back to her coffee date with Shawn and the subsequent car ride date if you could call it that. “We talked about life and music. You know casual first date stuff.” “You said the word date!” Nicole observed winking at Tolani “And you were clearly out of your comfort zone and I for one am happy about it.” she sipped on her drink. “It was…. nice.” Tolani muttered staring at her meal as if the answers to the universe’s deepest questions were in her pasta salad. “He’s cute.” she shrugged.

“Look at you divulging information” Desire said with a raised eyebrow, “I thought I would have to threaten you for you to tell us anything.” Tolani playfully elbowed her. “I share things with you guys.”

“Yeah right.” the two girls scoffed in unison. “You actually have to be around to share things with us.” Desire noted, “And to add on to what I said earlier, it’s been donkey's years since we’ve seen you.”

“Shut up!” Tolani rolled her eyes, a small smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. It felt good to have banter like this. This was what making friends and building relationships looked and felt like. The only other person she felt like this around was Shawn and while she liked having banter with him, she knew that she couldn’t rely on that alone. She needed her own friends, people she could joke around with and be herself around.

“Oh, I was going to tell you!” Nicole screamed startling everyone at the table. “You know how you were flirting with Shawn Mendes that night?” For the second time in less than an hour, Tolani’s fork stopped halfway to her mouth. “Yeah...” she said trying to keep her tone as neutral as possible.

“Apparently he was seen riding around with a girl in his car.” When the words hit homeTolani’s stomach dropped and she was flooded with numerous emotions, the primary ones being anger and jealousy that Shawn was with someone else. "What?!” Her and Shawn were not involved romantically and he had a right to do whatever he wanted. Tolani knew that but she couldn’t deny that the feelings were there. “When?” she asked with trepidation.

“A few days ago, here I’ll show you the photo.” Nicole took her phone out of her bag, it took a few seconds for her to pull up the photo but those seconds felt like hours. Eventually, she turned her phone around and showed everyone the photo in question. When she saw the photo, Tolani was immediately filled with relief, but that feeling was then taken over by a new one, dread. The photo Nicole was talking about, was a photo of the two of them when they were out driving, but you couldn’t tell it was her due to the angle of the photo. The comments under the photo were full of conjecture. Everyone wanted to know who the girl was. Some speculated that the girl in the photo was someone on his team, others were sure Shawn had a girlfriend, while others stated that she was just a friend. And some people were certain they knew who it was and kept name-dropping her.

The saving grace was that no one had mentioned her name. ‘Hopefully, everyone has moved on from me.’ Tolani thought making a mental note to check her Instagram comment section and DMs that she’d been purposefully ignoring.

“This is from a fan account.” Kyle noted, “You follow Shawn Mendes fan accounts?”

Nicole nodded “It’s all over social media. Shawn is notoriously single and whenever he’s with a girl, the internet goes wild. That being said, I’m a huge fan. I’m actually seeing him in a few weeks.” She then turned to Tolani “You should come with me!”

“I don’t knowww” Tolani shrugged dragging her words. “Won’t it be sold out?“ “I’m sure we’ll figure something out. Maybe you’ll run into him again.” Nicole winked, referencing their initial meeting. “Still can’t believe that happened.” Tolani felt her cheeks warming. “Yeah, it would be crazy to see him again after that night.” She hadn’t told her friends about the two separate times she’d met Shawn. She wracked her brain for anything she could use to change the topic of conversation and was eternally grateful when her phone beeped letting her know she had to leave for a seminar starting 10 minutes. “Sorry guys, I’ve got to go, I have a seminar on microeconomics in 10.” ‘Saved by the bell.’ she thought as she picked up her bag and walked away.

——————————————————————————————-

Tolani walked into her first seminar of the school year feeling a little nervous. Lectures were easy to manoeuvre, you sat there in silence and left when it was over. Seminars were different. As far as she knew they were much smaller groups that encouraged talking. This was where she struggled. Tolani was the kind of person who only spoke when she was comfortable and there was no way she was comfortable enough to speak freely in a room filled with people she didn’t know. These were the times she wished she had a friend she could go with, alas none of the friends she did have did the same degree as her. So she sat in the back row, hoping that the class would go by without consequence and she could go about her business.

A little while later a woman walked into the room and stood by the board. “Hi my name is Kirsty Morten, but you guys can call me Kirsty and I’m going to be your seminar tutor.” she was a younger woman, much younger than Tolani anticipated, with kind eyes and a warm smile. “Okay so before we dive into microeconomics and what that is, I’m going to go over the register and try to put some names to the faces. Okay?” Her statement was met with an unenthusiastic “okay” from everyone in the room.

Kirsty then proceeded to read out the names on the register without consequence until she came to Tolani’s name. “Oh, we’ve got a hard one. Okay. Umm. Toh- Tow- Wow this is hard to pronounce.”

“I usually go by T” Tolani’s voice rang out from the back of the room. She felt everyone’s eyes on her as Kirsty said “That’s so much easier to pronounce.” ‘I’m sure it is’ she thought mentally rolling her eyes. She knew that her name being butchered was to be expected but it didn’t make it any less jarring or cringy.

Tolani zoned out while Kirsty read out more names, that was until she heard a name she was familiar with. Her head snapped up when she heard Kirsty’s interpretation of the name. “Oh, we’ve got another difficult name here.” she chuckled nervously “Tow- uh- Toh- wow.” “Tomiwa.” he said deadpan, clearly displeased by the situation.

She scanned the room to see where the voice came from. Her eyes landed on a fade in the middle of the room, 3 rows ahead of her and even though she couldn’t see him, she felt a kinship with him. Having someone butcher your name was not fun.

The rest of the class went by without incident, it was also incredibly boring. Introduction to Microeconomics was just that, learning about Supply and Demand and Consumer Behaviour, all the things she’d learnt about already. That meant she spent most of her time staring into space, so much so that she didn’t notice when class was over till she felt someone tap her on her shoulder. Tolani turned to find Tomiwa smiling at her, she knew it was him because she recognised his hair. He was the only one in their class with a fade so it was definitely him.

“Hi T” his voice was husky, his accent familiar. It was a lot like hers but lighter as if it was fading. “Hi. Tomiwa right?” He smiled when she pronounced his name the right way. “You don’t know how good it feels to hear someone other than my immediate family and a few friends pronounce my name correctly.”

“I know what you mean. That’s why I just go by T. It’s so much easier than having people try to pronounce your name and fail woefully.” She hadn’t told anyone why she introduced herself as T and it felt good to have someone who understood the sentiment.

“What does T mean?” he asked.

“Tolani.”

“Tolani.” he repeated nodding his head. “Tolani and Tomiwa, T & T. Now we have to be friends, I mean we're both Yoruba and the first letter of our names are the same, it’s in the constitution.” “Slow your roll.” Tolani laughed holding up her hand. “You haven’t passed the test yet. I have numerous questions.” “Oh shit! There’s a test. Alright then.”

A few minutes later the two of them were seated on one of the many conveniently placed park benches littered on the York University campus. “Are you from Lagos?” Tolani asked placing her backpack by her feet.

“I am, but I moved here a few years ago just before high school and haven’t been back since. What about you?”

“Born and raised all my life. I only moved here just before school started.” she paused “Do you miss it?”

“Lagos?” he asked, there was a touch of sadness in his voice. “Yeah, I do. I love living in Toronto don't get me wrong, but there’s no place like home you know?” When Tolani nodded he continued “It’s hard to explain but there's something about living in Lagos. There’s this indescribable energy, almost like a sense of-”

“Chaos.” they said in unison.

“Exactly!!” Tomiwa cheered. “You get it.”

“I had to describe what Lagos was like, to someone who’s never been there and I struggled. It’s so hard to accurately describe. You have to go there and see it to understand.”

“You don’t have to explain it to me, I get it.”

“It’s nice to talk to someone that does.” Even though they’d just met, Tolani felt a connection with Tomiwa. She’d felt out of place since she’d arrived in Toronto and it felt really good to talk to someone who understood where she was coming from.

“Okay. I have a serious question. Where can I get Nigerian food cause it’s been a hot minute since I’ve eaten Jollof rice and I need it.”

“You can’t make it?” Tomiwa said with a raised eyebrow and a sceptical tone.

“I can!” Tolani replied sounding defensive, her Jollof rice was amazing if she did say so herself. “It’s just that it takes a while and I live with other people in a pretty crowded kitchen soo.”

“Fair enough. There a restaurant called Mamaland on Lansdowne Ave. Their food is amazing. We should go some time.”

“Yes please!”

“And if you ever want to make it, you can always come round to mine.” He gave her a small smile.

“One day I’ll take you up on that offer.” Even though his invitation was definitely on the forward side, Tolani appreciated the offer and stored it away. “Emphasis on ‘one day’ though,” she added.

“So can we consider ourselves friends now.?”

“Like is said” Tolani replied with a smirk “There’s a test.”

“Hit me”

—————————————————————————————

“I can’t believe you have never been to EatDrinkFestival* you’re cancelled!” Tolani exclaimed, shock evident on her face. “How can I be cancelled for that!” Tomiwa rolled his eyes at her. “Cause I said so.” Tolani fired back. The two looked at each other before laughing. They were currently walking out of their microeconomic seminar. They’d been spending a lot of time together since they met, having coffee together before class and even sat next to each other. It felt really good to finally have someone Tolani could truly call her friend. She considered Desire and Nicole friends but there was a disconnect there, while Tomiwa understood her from the jump. It felt like they’d been friends for years rather than a week.

“I just never got around to going before I moved.” Tomiwa shrugged. “It’s amazing!” Tolani replied. “You get to go and try so much incredible food. I’ve gone the last few years and had a great time.” There was a sense of sudden melancholy in her voice. She didn’t know when she would go home next, she hadn't talked about it with her parents. The thought of not going home for a while made her sad.

“I’m sure there’s a food festival in Toronto we could go to.”

Tolani looked at her friend and snapped out of her funk. “True, even though it won’t be the same, it’s bound to be amazing.”

Before Tomiwa could reply her phone rang the name on the screen making her smile. ‘Shawn’

“I’ve got to go.” Tolani started gathering her things. “My mum is calling.” That was the second time she’d lied to someone where Shawn was concerned and while she did feel bad about lying, there was a part of her that felt like the lies were warranted. It had been over a week she’d seen him, and communication between the two of them had been pretty sparse and seeing a call from him was a welcome surprise.

“Hi Shawn.” “Hi honey.” his voice sounded as in her ear as melodic as ever. As if she needed a reminder that even Shawn Mendes’ voice was attractive. “Honey? That’s new.” she thought. “So we’ve graduated from texts to phone calls now?”

“I mean we’ve shared music. We’re basically married.”

Tolani couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. “Speaking of music, how’s the playlist?” She’d been updating it constantly, adding more songs that she thought he would like.

“No word of a lie, I’ve pushed it on all of my friends. I can’t stop listening to it.” That was hard to imagine Shawn and his friends dancing to any of the songs in the playlist, seeing as Shawn was so against dancing as a whole. Tolani couldn’t deny that it would be hilarious and she would willingly pay money to see Shawn and his friends attempt to dance to a Davido song. “Yeah, Afrobeat has that effect on people.” she shrugged even though he couldn’t see it. “As much as I like our talks and you know I do, is there a reason for this phone call?”

“How about I just wanted to hear your voice?” Even though she couldn’t see him, she could tell that he was smirking. Tolani felt her cheeks getting warm. “Thank you Shawn, but I’m pretty sure that’s not why you called me.”

“You’re half right. I really did want to hear your voice, but I also wanted to invite you to a party I’m having on Friday night.”

“Oooh, a party.” Friday night that was two days from now.

“Whenever I’m home I like having a few people over at my place just to hang out. Nothing too crazy. Would you like to come?” Two words struck a chord with her, ‘My place’ meaning his house. If she went, she would be at his house. In his space. Her heart started beating quicker at the thought of being in his house. He was speaking but the words had blended into white noise in her ear until she heard the words “If you want.” which snapped her out of her reverie.

“Huh?”

“I said you could bring some friends I’ve if you want?” The thought of her friends being in the same space as him for an extended period of time stressed her out further, but she couldn't deny that the idea wasn’t a bad one. Tolani looked up at the sky considering the question until an idea popped into her head. “I’d love to bring a friend.” “Great!” Shawm sounded excited which in turn made her excited. “See you on Friday. Bye honey.” “Bye Shawn.”

She cut off the call and turned to Tomiwa, “How would you like to go to a party on Friday?”

——————————————————————————————-

By the time Friday had rolled around, Tolani was nervous. She didn’t know what to wear, so she decided on a black tank top and blue ripped jeans with a dark red lip, emulating a look she had on when they met.

Shawn had texted her his address and told her to come over at 9 o’clock. It was 8:45 and she was in an uber heading towards downtown Toronto. She made polite conversation with Tomiwa in the back but her mind wasn’t fully there. She was thinking about Shawn. Even though it had only been a week since she’d seen him, she was nervous to see him again, especially when she took into account the fact that she would be on his turf. Every time they’d met it had been on slightly neutral territory, even when she was in his car she felt comfortable, but being in someone’s home and car were not the same thing. She also had to take into account the fact that he would be with his friends and people had a tendency to act differently around their friends and she hoped that Shawn wasn’t like that.

Shawn lived in an apartment building close to the entertainment district. ‘Fitting,’ Tolani thought as she got out of the uber. Her and Tomiwa walked into the building and greeted the concierge and let him know that they were headed to Shawn’s apartment on the top floor. In the elevator, Tolani could hear her heart in her ears. She felt like she was going to throw up. She knew that there was no reason to feel that way but she couldn't help it.

By the time they got to Shawn's door, they could hear music, evidence that people were already there. When they got to Shawn’s door, she heard Tomiwa whistle under his breath, clearly impressed by what he’d seen of Shawn’s building. Tolani knocked on the door and they waited. While they waited, a thought crossed her mind, Tomiwa didn't know that the friend she was coming to see. He may be Shawn to her but he was still Shawn Mendes uber-famous pop star to everyone else and that was something she probably should have taken into consideration when she invited him. They waited outside and when there was no response, Tolani knocked on the door, louder than before, this time they only had to wait for a few seconds before the door opened and Shawn filled the doorway.

One thing Tolani had learnt in the short time she’d known Shawn was that he was a smiley person, that was why she wasn’t surprised when he beamed at her. He looked as gorgeous as ever in a black shirt, jeans and Chelsea boots. He wasn't even trying and he looked good. “T! I’m so glad you’re here!” he exclaimed, as he pulled her into a hug, ‘Great.’ Tolani thought, ‘He even smells good.’ They hugged for a few seconds even though it felt like it was closer to a minute when they broke apart. Tolani turned and indicated to Tomiwa and introduced him. “Shawn, this is my friend Tomiwa, Tomiwa this is Shawn.” It was then that Shawn turned to acknowledge her guest a look flashing across his features so fast she couldn’t decipher what it was. “Hi. Thanks for coming.” he said indicating that they should both go inside.

Walking into Shawn’s apartment felt like taking a look into Shawn’s mind. It was spacious, which in and of itself wasn’t surprising when she considered where he lived and how much it probably cost. He had a piano tucked into the corner and next to it was a guitar rack that held 5 guitars which again was not surprising. Apart from that, it was a pretty standard apartment, anyone could have lived there, the colour palette was pretty neutral with shades of blue and grey scattered around, but there were elements that were obviously Shawn. He had photos that she assumed were his family as well as photos of friends that she could recognise in the room. The thing that did surprise her was his view. Shawn had a balcony with a stunning view of the Toronto skyline. She stared at it for a few seconds before the noise in the room pulled her back. It sounded like a Post Malone song.

Tolani looked around and was catapulted back to the night she met Shawn. She’d awkward and out of place with her housemates and that was how she felt surrounded by Shawn’s friends. There were easily 50 people in the room and even though that number wasn’t very high, it was enough to make her feel uneasy. She knew that bringing a friend she was comfortable around was the right move.

The two got drinks and found a quiet corner to sit on Shawn’s huge white couch, Tolani with a coke and Tomiwa with a Corona. “You didn’t tell me you knew Shawn Mendes.” he stated looking at her with a shocked look on his face. Tolani took a sip of her drink and wished that she had something stronger. “Umm, yeah we met a while ago.” “How?” “We met at a coffee shop.” It wasn’t a total lie, they had met at a coffee shop, albeit a few days after they met at the bar but she didn’t feel like that part was relevant.

“That must have been a chance encounter, especially for you guys to be so close that he invited you to his house parties.” Before Tolani could answer she heard Shawn’s voice from across the room.

“T!” Shawn yelled over the sound of the music, “There are some people I want you to meet.” Tolani looked over to her friend who waved her off. “Go and mingle I’ll be fine.” She walked over toward the kitchen, it was a state of the art kitchen with an electric hob and an island that Shawn was leaning on. As she entered the space Tolani couldn’t help but think about how easy it would be to cook in that kind of kitchen and she wondered how often Shawn used it. “Here she is.” he said indicating to 3 of his friends when she was within earshot.

“Guys this is T. T this is, Brian and Jon. The one whose face is obscured by the camera is Connor.” “Hi.” Tolani waved somewhat awkwardly. “So you’re T, we’ve heard so much about .” Brain announced. He was almost as tall as Shawn and had red hair and mischievous eyes. “He hasn’t stopped talking about you.” Jon added. Much like Shawn, he had eyes that seemed to smile at her and she instantly felt comfortable around him.

The only person who hadn’t spoken was Connor. He looked like he was half paying attention to what was being said as he was more engrossed in the footage he had recorded. Connor was stunning he easily could’ve been a model and Tolani wouldn’t have been surprised if he was, he just had one of those faces.

“Shawn hasn’t stopped talking about you.” Brian teased at which point Connor nodded. Tolani turned to Shawn with a raised eyebrow and saw him blushing profusely.

“Really?”

“Oh yeah! Every single day since the day you met.” She turned back to Shawn who had gone an even deeper shade of red. “Anyway!” Shawn interjected in an attempt to change the conversation. “T is the one who made that really sick playlist I’ve been listening to!”

“I knew Shawn didn’t make that playlist on his own! He has good taste in music but its not that good!” Jon quipped. “Thanks” Tolani beamed, “I just added a bunch of songs from back home that I thought he would like.”

“And where is home?”

“I’m from Lagos in Nigeria. Currently in Toronto for school.”

“Really? I don’t know anyone from Nigeria.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think you would.” Tolani laughed.

The four of them talked with Brian telling stories from his and Shawn’s friendship. They’d been friends since they were kids and seeing them like that made Tolani miss her childhood friend Folasade. She made a note to call her as they hadn’t spoken in a while.

While she was talking to Jon about his music, she heard familiar lyrics that put a smile on her face.

“She take my money when I’m in need, Yeah she’s a triflin’ friend indeed. Oh, she’s a gold digger, way over town that digs on me.”

She looked at Shawn and he also had a smirk on his face and she knew that he remembered the night they met where they had argued about what Kanye album was the best. “Don’t start with me.” she warned. “Only because you know that you’re wrong.” he stated, clearly trying to bait her.

Tolani rolled her eyes at him and decided to follow along with the song. By the time she got to the second verse, everyone in the room was screaming the lyrics.

“If you ain’t no punk, holla “We want prenup! We want prenup!” (Yeah!)”

After the song ended Tolani decided to switch her drink to something stronger. She noticed that Shawn had Hennesy and poured a shot for herself then mixed it with coke. It was a safe bet as far as drinks were concerned and she had a feeling she would need it tonight.

Shawn came up beside her. “Having fun?” She looked up at him and gave him a small nod. “Where is your friend?” “Not sure. Probably socialising which is more than I can say for me” she replied lifting the red solo cup to her mouth, the beaded bracelets on her wrists jiggling with the motion.

“You talked to my friends and now you’re talking to me, I’d say that counts as socialising.”

“Look at me being a social butterfly.” Tolani replied, holding the rim of the cup in her between her teeth.

She was about to ask him why he had invited her when the song changed and all her thought skid to a halt. A Burna Boy song was playing, more specifically, it was her favourite Burna Boy song. He was playing one of her favourite songs at his party filled with people who had no idea what song it was. She looked around and noticed that there were some confused expressions but for the most part, everyone seemed to like the song.

Tolani whirled to face Shawn her mouth agape. “You’re playing Burna Boy right now!” He smiled at her and nodded. “I am” “You mean to tell me that Shawn Mendes is playing Nigerian music at his party right now?!”

“Yes he is.”

Of all the things that she had expected, this was not one of them. She wanted to say something but someone one the other side of the room called him. He looked at her apologetically before walking off to see what the person needed, clearly in host mode.

Tolani stayed where she was swaying from side to side enjoying the music that she had introduced him to. When the song ended and another one started, Tomiwa came up to her looking just as energetic as she felt. “Shawn Mendes listens to Nigerian music?” “Apparently so!”

“Okay, we have to dance. Can you shaku shaku?”**

Tolani gave him a look that said “You have to be joking” and started dancing, in a split second Tomiwa joined her, the two of them perfectly in sync. Within seconds there was a crowd of people around them, trying to imitate the dance but failing woefully. Brian and Jon had asked Tolani to teach them and she tried but it wasn’t a success. She couldn’t stop laughing watching Brian flail his hands about completely offbeat. Jon was better nailing the footwork but he was having trouble following the song, clearly paying too much attention to what he was doing rather than the song that was playing.

Shawn had come back and was watching them a smile on his face, but the look he had on his face when he opened the door was back and just like before, it was gone before she could pick up on what it was.

Tolani walked up to him and stared up at him, looking him in the eye, “Do you want to dance?” she asked. “I already told you, I hate dancing.” he chuckled. “It doesn’t have to be that kind of dance.” she pointed over her shoulder indicating to Tomiwa who was now attempting to teach everyone another dance that clearly wasn’t working.

“Nope. I hate any kind of dancing.” he shook his head. “Fair enough.” Tolani shrugged. “Can I talk to you outside?” “Sure.” Before heading to the balcony, they stopped by the kitchen where the drinks were situated. Shawn refilled her drink and grabbed another Corona, then they made their way outside. The view from inside Shawn’s apartment had nothing on the view from the outside.

“Wow.”

“It really is an incredible view.”

“Are you used to it?”

“Truthfully? I don’t think so. I’m barely home, so when I do come home, the view takes my breath away.” he sounded wistful, probably because he was thinking about all the travel he had done and was yet to do.

“And that’s CN tower?” Tolani pointed to the sizeable structure that dominated the Toronto skyline. “Yeah it is.” he nodded. “I think it’s amazing that you’re learning about my city.” “Well it’s my city now too.” she quipped.

After a few seconds of comfortable silence, Shawn spoke “I know asked before but I’ll ask again, having fun?” She nodded again more enthusiastically than before. The change in music had upped her mood. “I am. More so because you played music from my playlist.” she paused. “That- that was really thoughtful.”

“I am super thoughtful.” he declared wiggling his eyebrows at her.

“Shawn is every conversation we have going to involve your ego.?” she teased rolling her eyes playfully. “No, but I like fucking with you.” “I can tell.” she smirked.

The silence returned but this time it was different, there was an energy in the air that wasn’t there before, it was almost tangible. Shawn took a step closer to her, and her breath hitched. “T, I know I’m probably being really presumptuous right now but I wanted to tell you that I really like you.” his voice had dropped an octave and sounded huskier than usual. Tolani could feel her cheeks warming, and could’ve sworn she could hear heartbeat pick up. He was closer than he had ever been and she didn’t want him to move away. “I really like you too.” she replied. He saw a smile break out on his face as he leaned forward. Tolani’s eyes fluttered closed as she leaned up to meet him halfway, she could feel his breath on her face as they closed the distance between them.

Before their lips touched she heard her name “Tolani!” Tomiwa’s voice rang out snapping them back to reality. She turned to see him crossing the threshold onto the balcony. Tolani felt her face warm and she backed away from Shawn who was looking everywhere but her.

“Hey Tolani! Hey Shawn!” Tomiwa waved clearly more than a tipsy and unaware that he had just interrupted something. “Hi Tomiwa.” Tolani said, willing her heart rate to slow down. “Great party man.” he turned to Shawn who clearly unamused but was hiding it under a mask of calm. “Thanks.” Shawn replied.

At that moment, Tolani felt like she needed to leave. Her mind was running in different directions and she knew she couldn’t sort through her thoughts with Shawn in close proximity. She turned to him and gave him an apologetic smile. “I think it’s time for me to go.” her voice sounding a lot smaller than it did prior to the interruption She saw the look on his face as he nodded giving her a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I understand.”

During the car ride, Tolani couldn’t help but think about what had happened on the balcony. ‘What would have happened if Tomiwa hadn’t walked out’. Even though she was largely disappointed by the distraction, there was a part of her that was a little relieved. She knew how she felt about Shawn and was positive that he felt the same way but there was something that was stopping her from facing her feelings head-on.

She pulled her phone from her pocket and sent Shawn a text

Tolani: Thanks so much for an amazing night. I had a lot of fun. Sorry about the interruption. Maybe next time?

She locked her phone and put it back in her pocket without checking to see if he had replied.

Taglist

@justbeingoceana @rulerofnocountry @dazedshawnm @speakingofmari

@thotmendes @sinplisticshawn @mani-lifes @bugheadfanatic @shawnssnack @sean-mendezzzzz @dimestorebieber22 @anxious-bi-bb @kyloreins @momenraul @andibecamethestars @eve134340 @muffinnmendesss @pinkk-peonies @jxnellemxnae

Let me know if you want to be added or taken off

*The EatDrinkFestival is a food festival held in Lagos every year in December. It’s amazing!

** Shaku Shaku is a dance really popular in Nigeria and Africa as a whole.

#shawn mendes #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes fan fic #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fan fiction #shawn mendes x poc #fan fic #fanfic #fan fiction #My writing #shawn mendes x woc

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mdhwrites · 2 years ago

Note

Have you read The Raven & The Owlet? Very good very long Lilith & Luz fic by Soulfyre, Lumischa endgame

So I'm going to make this a sad one. I don't have to. My response could just be "Yay, Lumischa! But I haven't read it, sorry and it being long means I'm unlikely to get to it." But... I haven't properly finished a story in six years that wasn't my own. At least. And if that sounds insane to you, well... Have you ever read one of my blogs and just gone "Turn your brain off, Michael. Why can't you just sit back and enjoy?" And that's a fair response. Problem is my brain NEVER turns off. It never shuts up. It never has for my entire life and is probably something attributed to me being autistic. When I was young, books were actually somewhat of an escape from this. I could picture the worlds, get deeply invested and love what I read. I read so much that I often got told by teachers not to read and walk before proving that I was more aware of my surroundings than my peers because I learned how to read and walk. I did pretty well in Battle of the Books and acrewed a knowledge of writing from those years. Then when I was almost 18, I began writing and realized I loved it. It was my passion. At the same time, I was finally getting into fandom and enjoying the analyses videos put out by the brony community (MLP was my first and only other fandom I've truly been a part of besides TOH, take that as you will) and that fed my analytical side. Worse yet, reading takes time and I found I wanted to put that energy more into writing. And then came the coup de gra. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. So now I had a brain that couldn't shut up, hated myself, worried about everything, and could never stop considering things from a partially analytical viewpoint. And writing was my passion and what I was honing my craft with. I don't watch much media. I watch streamers and let's players. I can't criticize unscripted content that is just a person. I hate media, I don't hate people. That's because I can't HANDLE media all the time. I tried getting into Wednesday and had to take multiple breaks because the show made me so upset. My lack of much to say critically about Amphibia besides it being very good is probably part of why I fail to connect to it as I did with TOH. And in general, it's just hard for me to enjoy most things and if that sounds miserable, I AGREE. And writing is where I'm most severe, especially now that I'm at a level where fan editors don't usually have anything useful to say about my works unless it's a blatant error that comes from my hands going too fast. I tried helping someone recently and took ten minutes getting through the first paragraph because I had so much to say about why I suggested minor shifts. I will find every little thing needling into my brain while reading something and while I can tell I've relaxed, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to work with another author on a project, that side of me is still there. And that amount of time and focus is deeply triggering for me. It's part of why I don't do self edits. I literally can't spare the time if I ever want to write. And none of this is happy. I don't like using this as an excuse. I want to be a part of writer communities. I want to help people take the same route I did in learning to write. To give back like others gave to me. I just... can't. Not without getting into a really bad mood or just having a complete mental breakdown. And I'm sorry about that because I'd love to be able to discuss and highlight fandom ideas and works here. It just isn't something that's going to happen until I have more peace in my own mind.

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scribeofmorpheus · 5 years ago

Text

Star Wars: The Rebel Queen

Prologue: Wreathed in Flame

Pairing: Poe Dameron x (OFC) Princess Calista Ordell

Series Masterlist | About Thesmora | Main Masterlist | A03

Words: 1k | Warnings: Ramblings of a delusional fanfic writer... Nothing.

A/N: This is the prologue so we won’t meet the main characters in this chapter, this scene sets up the stage for another character who will become important as we go along. I hope you give this fic a chance, it’s 90% original characters I know, but I’ve been struggling to get this out into the ether and... here it is. Also, this fic takes place between TFA and TLJ.

Somewhere in the Outer Rim…

"I think I lost him," Mokk-Toh breathed heavy, sweat trailing down his face along his proud age lines. There was no fear in his eyes. No, that had been trained out of him at the academy, but something was hiding behind his apathetic mud coloured eyes, a failure to reconcile. An internal schism.

"Contact me as soon as you meet with your contact," Lenora's hologram relayed in an unwavering tone. Her voice a beacon of strength in the fray.

Mokk-Toh gave a slow nod, his eyes closing for a second too long.

A chiming sound rippled through from the hologram. Lenora turned and sighed, something disturbed her, but now wasn’t the time to offer his ear. "My sister requests an audience with me."

Lenora looked him in the eye, a youthful smile reversing the signs of age from her face for a brief moment. The cold blue projection of the transmission washing away all of her warm colours. And yet, tranquillity took purchase in Mokk-Toh’s thoughts, calm waves washing away the jagged glass that littered across the golden shores of his mind.

Lenora always had this effect on him. She was his queen and the power she had over him was unquantifiable. She was the only one who ever made Mokk-Toh feel fear, fear from vulnerability. From a look so simple, so earnest, he felt like he had been permitted to breathe again. The pain knocking against his joints was starting to ebb away.

"Be careful," Lenora said sincerely. "Come back to me."

Her words meant something else.

Through the years, Mokk-Toh had always given her the same answer, "Don't I always?"

His words meant something different too.

This was their way, their mantra through the years; substituted words for the ones they could never be allowed to say aloud.

Lenora's smile grew wider, her hand pausing for a moment before the hologram cut out leaving Mokk-Toh alone to bandage his wounds under the cover of damp, mossy steam tunnels. He tore a piece of cloth from his coat, wrapping the blue material around the long cut than ran up his arm- blood appearing as dark spots on the fine material.

Resting his head against the damp wall, Mokk-Toh used this time of quiet to rest his eyes and regain some strength. He had been hunted from one quadrant to the next, relentlessly. The bounty-hunter was a force of reckoning, a rageful spirit trapped beneath soldered armour.

Mokk-Toh had heard whispers of such a man through the ages, he had prayed they were just that, whispers in the dark, but now he wasn’t so sure that this ghost was completely a ghost. The underworld called him Versengen and he was shaping up to be a worthy adversary.

The air began to tingle. There was a disturbance. Something unhinged was disrupting the calm that Mokk-Toh savoured. It wasn't until the clanky sound of metal meeting concrete resonated through the abandoned tunnels that Mokk-Toh realised he was being hunted again.

Despite the contusions and seeping cuts that wore his body down, Mokk-Toh gripped the wall and forced his legs to go on. As he ran, flames began to seek him out, hungry and volatile, the heat almost close enough to touch.

A thud echoed behind him as the explosion kept clawing towards him like a rabid dog. The pressure of a bruise on his leg forced him to hobble, the fire sticking to the cylindrical walls of the tunnels with the adhesion of water. Droplets of moisture fizzling out into pitiful clouds of steam.

"How long do you think you can keep this up?" A distorted voice behind the wall of flames bellowed out. Breathing morphed into a mechanical whir from the blocked mouthpiece of his helmet, each breath was slow and purposeful. It was clear now that Versengen didn't run after his prey, the flames did that for him.

Mokk-Toh could all but taste the anger hiding behind those taunting words, it was contagious, like a sickness. Rage was always so easy to tap into, but it was also poisonous.

As he kept up his fight, one foot in front of the other, one foot a misplaced step from being devoured by flames, Mokk-Toh spotted a forking path leading to a spillway.

"I will find you," Versengen promised as the flames died down, replaced by a thick curtain of black smoke. He was all but foaming at the mouth.

When Mokk-Toh looked behind him he saw the bounty-hunter emerge from the blackness.

Versengen was a monster stitched together from the remnants of older, more obsolete monsters. His armour pieced together from fallen Stormtroopers- the red plating on his chest scavenged from a shock trooper, the camo-green helmet and knee padding stolen from a scout, and a scorched black arm ripped off a death trooper. Scratches, indents and charred metal plates imposing upon the greens, blacks and reds of his patch-work armour. Ashen marks a clear indication of his proclivity for fire. The flames that once devoured his cloak were nothing more than singe marks now. It was like he found solace in being bathed in flame the same way Mokk-Toh would find solace in Lenora’s warm sea-foam eyes.

Mokk-Toh stopped dead in his tracks when he came to the edge of the spillway. The jump a long way down. The water at the bottom too peaceful in contrast to the perilous atmosphere above. He clutched his collar and steadied his breathing.

Versengen's heavy footsteps had stopped a few feet away, another incendiary grenade pressed between his palm and thumb. Mokk-Toh imagined him smiling beneath his verdant green helmet.

Versengen tilted his head to the side, watching Mokk-Toh debate between fighting and jumping. With an exhale, he dropped the grenade, pressure trigger activating, and the sound of a spring popping as metal met concrete once more.

Mokk-Toh closed his eyes, imagining Lenora's smile and finding strength in that fleeting picture, fingers wrapping around the data-chip looped around his neck. The wind trickled against his nape, his loose hairs brushing forward, and with determination, he stepped off the edge. Just then, the hissing roar of growing flames danced to life.

Versengen's unhinged laugh seemingly feeding the flames.

Mokk-Toh's body hit the water like a tonne of bricks, an unnatural sound rippling into the waves as he felt a bone rub against another and snap. The force of the fall smacking against the base of his skull like a lead pipe to the face. An unintended gasp forced what little air he had swallowed bubble out. The distorted sight of orange flames viewed beneath blue waters transformed into his new sky. White speckles bombarded Mokk-Toh's dark eyes until all he saw was a sheet of white.

“Come back to me.”

“Don't I always?”

A venomous sneer echoed down through the water, "This isn't over..."

To be continued...

Read Chapter One: Immolation

#poe dameron #poe dameron x ofc #poe dameron imagine #star wars imagine #star wars #poe dameron x oc #original planets #original politics #royalty au #not really but it does focus on royals #star wars fic #ofc #Calista Ordell

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dubsdeedubs · 8 years ago

Text

A Diverging in the Wood [2/3]

hi sorry

Summary: Events shift. History rearranges. Another horror beyond human comprehension joins the fray during Weirdmageddon.

Good thing they're on the side of humanity.

[A/N: I Honestly don’t know how to explain the context to this and it’s been literally half a year since I’ve posted anything for it, but. Canon Divergence AU for this fic which is just sleeping, I promise. Features eldritch abomination Stan - it makes sense in context. Kind of.]

[AO3]

To Stanford's complete lack of surprise, hell was freezing cold.

Though a revolutionary discovery to be sure, he had doubts it would stand up to any reputable academic committee. The main issue was, his current location was more accurately described as "Ford Pines' Personal Pyramidal Hell" than the classic Judeo-Christian equivalent. Specifically, traits of demons present were more "horns and cloven feet" than "sixty-degree angles."

Unfortunately, that fact narrowed down the field of concerned individuals significantly. To two, actually - him and his fellow captive, the rather perturbed looking child (?) dancing frantically in a cage hanging from the ceiling.

Not Ford's oddest roommate experience, but it did make top five.

It was just one of those days. Weeks? Months? Extra-temporal periods of existence?

The worst part about the death of linear time, Ford thought to himself sadly, was the language involved.

He hung there in his chains for a moment that could have been a minute or a year, or anything in between. Not that it would have mattered. There was the occasional squeaking and click-clack of tap-dancing from above, but nothing here changed or grew or learned. This was his personal hell, after all.

Then on a day that could have been any other, a massive black hand reached through the opening to the chamber.

A moment afterwards, the rest of Bill Cipher followed through, folding out like a model ship in a bottle. His single large eye stared Ford down with evident glee.

"Heya, Fordsy!" He chirped. "How's it hanging?"

Bill snapped his finger, and a deafening rimshot echoed throughout the room. Stanford stared back at him blankly, his tongue limp and leaden in his mouth.

The demon let out an exaggerated sigh. "Tough audience, huh? Man, I miss the good ol' days. Just you, me, a meddling research assistant to drive insane, and a world-ending interdimensional portal to build.

You would've laughed at my jokes then," he said sulkily. "Heck, you would've done anything I told ya to do. Anything for your blessed muse - right, Sixer?"

Ford made no reply. There was a dull metallic taste in his mouth, his mind felt dazed and woolen, and there was something inexplicably funny about - well, everything. Who had come up with the interior design scheme for the Fearamid, anyways? Was being a fan of neon rainbow highlights another black mark on the long list of Bill Cipher's sins?

Somewhere on the fringes of Ford's awareness, Bill Cipher narrowed his eye in realization. He poked Ford with one smooth, black finger. The old man shifted slackly in his chains. "Oh, come on. Don't tell me I messed up on rewiring a few synapses or 7,283! How am I supposed to torture answers out of you if ya get to duck out of the consequences?" His glare turned thoughtful. "...Don't suppose you have anything to share about the barrier around this hick town now?"

Ford might not have been in his right mind, not anything close to it, but he knew there was only one way he could respond to that.

"No," he muttered hoarsely. His throat felt sore and his voice came out in a rasp, like he had been using it a lot recently. "Not to you."

"Oh, what a pity!" Bill said, his cheerful tone making it clear that to him, it was anything but. He snapped his fingers with obvious relish, the sound echoing sharply across the otherwise empty chamber.

Sensation rushed into his numb limbs, bringing with it the burning chafe of chains and a bone-deep exhaustion that washed over him with all the force of an ocean wave. He could hear a dim ringing sound in his ears now, and Ford swallowed down a sudden burst of nausea. His entire body felt like one unholy amalgation of bruise and electrical burn.

The briefest of moments later, so came logical thought. Bill was here, in front of him, for the first time in... a while. Their last meeting had ended especially - brutally, which explained Ford's previous - condition.

The most logical reason for the demon's long absence was that, at that point, Bill must have realized that torture by itself was pointless.

Which meant.

Bill would not have returned if he did not have new information, new bargaining pieces, new -

The list of reasons with which Ford could be convinced to bargain at all was short. Specifically, it was limited to three people. The thought of any of them in the clutches of the malicious, capricious chaos god before him chilled him to the core.

There was nothing funny about his situation now, not anymore.

"Why are you here, Cipher?" Ford asked with forced calm, every bit of restraint he could muster used to keep the dueling emotions of fear and fury from his face. "What do you have planned? You know that I -"

Bill let out a shriek of laughter. "You wound me, Sixer! Why can't I just have a nice conversation with an old friend?" The creature leaned closer, eye shining. "Geez, does everything have to have an ulterior motive with you?"

"There is no conversation I want to have with you, Cipher," Ford said shakily, voice barely a whisper. "Do not mock either of our intelligences by pretending I was anything close to a friend to you."

"Eh, friend, unwitting pawn…" Bill waved a large, spidery hand with calculated nonchalance. "Po-tay-toh, po-tah-toh. Don't be so sensitive, pal!"

"You have held me captive, kept me in chains, have tortured me to the brink of death -"

"Brink of? ...Ooh." The triangle winced exaggeratedly. "Oh right. I never told you!

"...W-what?" Ford asked hesitantly, before logic chased him down, pushed him to the ground, and poured a cold bucket of regret over his head and down his shirt. "No, actually, I don't ="

"Yea-ah, about that last part - tell ya what, Fordsy." Bill batted his eyelashes. "I've decided to turn over a, hah, new leaf. Call it making up for having you wait for so long!"

"I said I don't -"

"It's honesty hour here in the Fearamid, folks!" The triangle flung his hands up and out, practically beaming despite a lack of a mouth or real facial features. Glowing confetti burst from the air and scattered all over the landscape.

Then just as suddenly, he was close - too close, his solid black pupil inches away from Ford's flinching face.

"Oh, don't pretend like you're not INTERESTED, Sixer! You've always been a real smartypants, but I KNOW you've got mysteries ya can't figure out. So, HOW ABOUT IT? A little secret to start with, just to give omnipotence a test run?"

There was no doubt for Stanford that - whatever Bill was building up to - was not something he wanted to know. His tongue had already gone instinctively to the roof of his mouth, ready to form the harsh consonant sound of the 'no' that he wanted to, had to say.

But there was a dangerous glint in the demon's single eye, one that made it clear that his question was no question at all.

He sighed. There was a time and a place for everything, and 'enraging a chaos god' was no exception. He still had no idea where or how Dipper and Mabel were. (Or Stanley.) His pride was not worth the safety of his family.

"Fine," Ford said blandly, determinedly keeping all emotion from his face. He refused to give Bill the pleasure of watching him squirm. "A little... secret."

Even without a mouth, Bill gave off the distinct impression of a smirk.

"Weeeell," he drawled, spinning his cane casually. With no apparent process of transformation, he was suddenly dozens of times smaller than before, around the size he maintained in Ford's memories of past dreams. "So. I, uh, miiiiight have taken it a bit too far a time or two with these things."

Electricity sparked around Bill's raised hand in demonstration. Ford flinched back instinctively.

"Y'know. Used a little too much juice, sizzled an organ that shouldn't have been sizzled. Beginner's mistake."

Bill shrugged nonchalantly and stretched out his thin arms in placation. "Hey, but I fixed ya back up, didn't I? Even made a few tweaks, free of charge!"

Ford stared at him silently, expression slack with slow dawning horror.

"What's with the long face? Focus on the big picture here for once," the demon said crossly. "You're alive! C'mon, no thanks for your favorite muse?"

No, this had to be another trick. Gods knew how many of those Bill Cipher had up his metaphorical sleeves. He was trying to - unnerve him, shake him, get him into that precarious mental place where he might actually be thrown off enough to make the mistake Bill had been waiting for all this time.

And the worst part was, it was working.

Already, his thoughts were going places where they shouldn't. Was resurrection even something Bill was capable of? How did that interfere with existing processes for death and life, if they even existed?

And yet... it would make a great deal of sense. Not only did Bill have little to no concept of human limits in regards to survival, Ford highly doubted he cared - not if he had a way of circumventing his mistakes. And, given that most of his own memory consisted of pain and occasional flashes of blue light, there were more than enough gaps in it to draw... damning conclusions.

But… if Bill was telling the truth, what did that mean for him?

Was he just a copy of a copy, ad nauseam, of an original, deceased Stanford Pines? Or was he just a reanimation, not much different from a simple -

Bill was looking at him now through a single half-lidded eye, both hands resting on the handle of his cane, his stare uncomfortably knowing. "Well, Sixer? You, of all people, should know how much I hate it when people make me wait."

As if struck, Ford straightened his back suddenly - and heard, disproportionately loud to his ringing ears, the familiar crackle of aged paper.

Like breaking through a trance, he held one trembling hand to pat the general location of his heart, and there it was - that slightest resistance pressing reassuringly against his chest. It was still there. Despite the decades, despite whatever had happened to him in his current captivity, it was there. He blinked rapidly, trying to dissipate the burning at his eyes.

And just like that, his previous concerns were wiped from his mind.

Ford let out a breath. Of course. He had been being ridiculous.

Bill would not have known about the tattered photograph he kept hidden under his clothing, strapped to his chest - nor would he have understood the significance of it.

Therefore, if Ford really had been remade in a way that departed from who he was before, into something Bill wanted him to be... then the picture would not have the same effect on him. It certainly wouldn't have this effect on him.

"I'm disappointed, Cipher." Ford's voice sounded distant to his own ears. "That bit of information is a waste of omnipotence. But then again, perhaps I shouldn't be so surprised - you also made the decision to tear down the walls between dimensions, effectively end an entire universe, and for what? To have a party?"

Bill bristled, visibly affected by his gibe. "I'll have ya know, Sixer, we've got more time punch here than any other point in existence. This ain't just a party, bucko! It's the party!"

"You're right," Ford said hoarsely. "I am an idiot, Bill."

His captor turned slowly, single eye open in pleasant surprise and baited anticipation -

"But not because I trusted you." He wet his dry mouth. "I'm an idiot because I thought you were ever worth worshipping."

The triangle demon was quiet for a long, long moment.

Regardless of exactly how long it went in linear terms, it was definitely enough time for Ford to review his words and mentally curse himself for mouthing off. There was nothing Bill could do to him that he hadn't done previously. But with his family's survival in the balance, it was an extremely stupid move of him to push an already erratic, capricious creature into -

"Well," said Bill slowly, "well, WELL."

There was a note of deep anticipation in his voice, obvious even as the volume of it climbed to deafening levels. "GOOD OL' SIXER, HUH? I knew there was a reason I liked you more than the other fleshbags. Always jumping the GUN. And here I thought you'd APPRECIATE the build-up! BUT HEY, I SURE DON'T WANNA KEEP YA WAITING!"

He snapped his fingers and the chains holding Ford up disappeared suddenly from around his limbs. There was a heart-stopping second or two of freefall as the world around him blurred and reformed -

- then he landed, inexplicably enough, on what looked to be an oversized therapy chair that - he noticed blearily - matched the neon color scheme of the Fearamid.

Ford lunged forwards on an instinctive attempt at escape before bands of eerily glowing blue substance shot out from the handles and wrapped themselves around his wrists, holding him tightly in place.

"LEMME TAKE A WILD GUESS, SIXER! All ya wanna know about now is how that squishy little family of yours is doing." Bill sat on a stool next to the chair, squinting at a little notepad and pencil he held in his hands. After a moment of deliberation, he burnt them both in blue flame. "BOOORING! WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE GUY I USED TO KNOW, HUH?"

"You did."

Bill ignored him. "I can't even interest you in the solution to the Hodge Conjecture? What about the Computational Theory of Mind? You're KILLING me here, FORDSY!"

"Either tell me what happened to my family, or -"

"Or?" The triangle asked in anticipation, leaning forward. "OR? Tell me, Fordsy, what exactly is it that you wanna do to me? Got another dimensional gun hidden up your sleeves? A muicide detonator strapped to your left ankle?"

"Or bring back the chains," Ford spat. "I'm tired of your games, Cipher. I know what you want from me, and no amount of sidestepping will make me forget it."

Bill leaned back again. If Ford didn't know better, he would have said he looked disappointed. "Oh, don't give yourself a heart attack, Sixer - that doesn't come for a few more decades! 'Sides, honesty hour's still on, and what with me killing linear time, you've still got…" He checked a watch-less wrist. "...eternity!"

Ford licked his stinging lips. There was no question that he had to play along. Especially with Bill dangling his family's fates in front of him like this. There was no doubt that there was something unsaid - something that the triangle was positively raring to share.

He thought through his words for a long time.

"Are they hurt?" Ford asked at last, still wary, unwilling to even consider the other alternative. Dipper had the Journals with him, though in hindsight, giving those books to him was a decision Ford deeply regretted - it was the equivalent of a bright red target on his back. And Mabel had been outside when Weirdmageddon had began, lost somewhere in the woods (and there was another burst of guilt there, because he shouldn't have done… that. Why did he possibly think it would have ended well? This was the second time he had made the exact same mistake.) "Are they… safe?"

"Oh," Bill said dismissively, "Pine Tree and Shooting Star are just fine. From a certain point of view! But they're alive and breathing and doing everything you humans do… just a whole lot less of it."

Ford jerked forward, a movement aborted by the thick bands of cosmic material holding him down. The triangle waved a placating hand. "I'm kidding, Sixer! Geez, talk about not bein' able to take a joke! They're both holed up in that Shack of theirs, and I have to say… real good job on the unicorn hair barrier. Very…" His voice darkened. "Clever. But you always were, weren't you, Fordsy?"

Realization dawned. "...You can't see inside the Shack at all, can you?"

"Never tried!" Bill exclaimed, and Ford knew he wasn't imagining the fact that the dream demon had responded a little too quickly. "Bunch of dinged up humans, huddled up and marinating in their own fluids like time sardines in a can… can I say booo-ring?"

Despite his best efforts, Ford sagged in relief. For all his age and near-omnipotent knowledge, Bill was at his core a childish being. His family was safe, hidden away in the Shack. Maybe powerless, unable to fight back at all against the extradimensional creatures rampaging through the town… but alive and uninjured - because if they were otherwise, Bill would certainly have mentioned it.

"Hey, what's with the hurry?" Ford blinked in slow confusion. "Aren't ya forgetting someone, Sixer?"

Bill shrugged. "Actually, can't say I'm surprised! I mean, you sure have had a lot of experience forgetting about him in the past -"

Ah. Ford frowned. "My brother is safe in the Shack," he said coldly. "Try another one, Cipher."

No, there had been no forgetting involved. Just the simple fact that the kids had been in direct danger and therefore, had been at the foreground of Ford's panic. Stanley, on the other hand, had been inside the Shack the last Ford remembered, and at any rate, could not have gotten far enough from shelter in the few minutes before the start of Weirdmageddon to be in any real danger.

And... while his brother made indubitably unwise decisions, he doubted that even Stan would casually venture out into the post-apocalyptic wasteland.

(...without reason. Which meant, unless the kids had not made it to the Shack immediately and Stanley had noticed their disappearance. Or unless... no, it was stupid - but then, this was Stanley - his brother had gone outside to look for him -)

"Sounding a bit too sure there," Bill remarked, leaning back and swinging his black cane in one fluid motion. "But you've been doing some assuming over there, haven't ya? And... we both know what that does - don't we, Fordsy?"

He wants me to ask him, Ford thought distantly. He wants me to ask him about Stanley.

There was an obvious answer to the question of 'why' - his brother had been captured, or injured, or. But he also understood - as much as anyone could, really - the spiteful polygon of overgrown immaturity before him, enough to know that there was something more here. Bill wanted to enjoy this game, and he was drawing it this long to make up for -

"Well?"

Ford, on the other hand, was sick of playing games. "Cut to the chase, Cipher. What did you do to my brother?" He demanded, rising as much as he count against the binds holding him down to the cartoonishly oversized therapy chair.

"What an accu-sation! I haven't done anything, Sixer." Ford flinched, despite himself. "...For once. Nah, Fordsy, the question you should be asking is, what has your brother done to himself?"

"I don't understand," he said carefully.

"Oh come on - you're smarter than this!" Bill bemoaned, sounding almost disappointed. "You spent ten years in this dump of a supernatural hot spot, you know what kind of things are lurking about in its corners. You knew what you were getting into - oh, don't give me that look, I saw your cute little handwritten guide on fae technical wording." Ford flushed red. "Stan-o, however…"

His tone turned contemplative. "All that knucklehead had was one of your little cryptid diaries and good ol' fashioned desperation. And we both know how dangerous that is in Gravity Falls - don't we, Fordsy? How many things out here would be all too willing to take advantage?"

"My brother isn't an idiot," Ford said flatly. "He wouldn't have fallen for the tricks of - creatures like you. He's better than that."

"Oh, I wouldn't be too sure - you know what they say about birds and feathers! Tell me, Fordsy - how has your brother been, since you've made it back? Does it feel like coming back home? Or… "

Bill prodded at Ford's chin with his cane, a thoughtful look in his single eye. "Is he different? Not how you remembered him? A - stranger?"

"It's been thirty years," he said dully, leaning his face back and away as much as he could. "People change. He changed. I changed."

"Oh, is that all it is?" Bill exclaimed in mock-surprise. "Or is that just what you're tellin' yourself?"

Ford was quiet.

"C'mon, Six Fingers. I know all about your habit of lying to yourself, but this is ri-di-culous. Before this summer, you haven't talked to - heck, seen - your brother for forty years. And that hour of beating the crud outta each other doesn't count! What's the difference to you between Stanley Pines and some guy off the street, huh?"

Ford refused to meet his eye. "You wouldn't understand," he muttered raspily. The demon went still. "You've never had a fami -"

"I don't NEED to understand!" Bill said loudly - shrieked, really, his one eye wide, as if he was shocked at his own vehemence.

"...No, y'know what, Stanford? I think you're the one who doesn't understand. In fact, I think there are plenty of things you don't understand. ...Good thing I'm here to get you up to speed."

The triangle's physical size hadn't changed - at least, not by Ford's own reckoning - but now, he loomed, his single unblinking pupil narrowed into a nearly imperceptible slit.

"Don'tcha know? Your real brother hasn't been around for a very, very long time, Fordsy."

"...What?" It sounded lame and ridiculous the moment it left his mouth, but there were no words that could be used for the current stunned confusion of Ford's mind. "I don't -"

Bill sighed once, for obvious effect. "Lemme tell ya about an old - pal of mine. Seems a bit overdue for an introduction, considering what they've been up to for the past -"

Then, just then, there was a deafening crunch.

The entire Fearamid shook in a massive jolt of movement. Several chunks of glowing extraterrestial building material cracked off and fell haphazardly from the ceiling, and Bill went abruptly quiet as he dodged to the side to avoid a hit to the eye.

Distantly, Ford heard the sound of demonic screeching and - human shouting?

Bill blinked once, slowly and disbelieving. Then, he swelled, growing twice - thrice - a dozen times his original size, bright crimson red and glowing like a supernova, his eye a glaring gold on black.

"WHAT IS IT N̮͍̠̠͓̻̝͖̬̗̅̄̂̽̀̂̓͊̍͠O̴̪̬̪̬͍͈̐̂̎̌̍̒̿͜W̶̭̹̝̟̱̑͆̉͑̿̇͋̕ͅ?" he demanded to no one in particular, bass voice loud enough to vibrate the leather under Ford's fingers.

The pseudo-therapy chair dissolved like mist, but a massive and inhuman black hand grabbed Stanford from mid-air before he could even mentally register the lack of physical reinforcement underneath his body.

He flinched. Around the two of them, the world distorted and reshaped itself into a room he had long mentally associated with the crackling of pain through his limbs and the odor of burnt cloth (and hair, and flesh, and -)

The walls had holes in them now, brutish and irregular, and through them Ford could just barely catch the occasional blur of fast-moving color beyond them. Color, and something he simply could not make out for the life of him.

Bill hummed in thought, vibrating like a naked wire. "...Huh. Would ya look at that?"

"P-please." Ford hadn't realized it was him who had spoken before his mouth was already open and he was babbling again, words rolling down his tongue and spilling out despite himself because who else in this damn town would storm the stronghold of a chaos god? Who else but - "Bill, please, don't do anything to them -"

"Looks like Truth or Dare's gonna have to wait a few," the demon said, tone light as a feather. Dimly, Ford realized he could see himself in Bill's huge dilated pupil. His reflection's mouth was open in a silent scream. "I've got a rebellion to crush into bonemeal! And who knows… Maybe I can find myself a Shooting Star or a Pine Tree, and then you can finally start making some Independent Decisions - starting with, choosing which one of 'em gets to take your place!"

His fists landed uselessly on the smooth black surface of Bill's cartoonishly simple hand as Ford struggled in his grasp, screaming and shouting and shaking, barely registering the telltale movement of air across his face that meant Bill was moving elsewhere.

Then, somewhere on the fringes of his awareness, he registered the clink of metal - then, the loosening of his bonds as Bill deposited (dumped, really) him onto a hard surface.

Within seconds, Ford had flipped onto his feet. He immediately lunged at the bars that held him back, his six-fingered hands futilely clawing at the huge unblinking eye staring at him in amusement, just a few inches away from his fingertips.

"Calm down, Fordsy," Bill admonished with a sigh, voice loud over a stream of obscenities that had never before been uttered on the surface of this particular version of Earth. "That heart attack creeping on isn't supposed to happen till you're 92, remember? So why don'tcha sit back, make a new friend, and I'll bring your family right back to ya - just like you wanted!"

"If you hurt them," he said hoarsely, "if you touch a single hair on their heads - I don't care what I have to do, what I need to bargain with -"

Bill shrieked with ear-splitting laughter. "Birds and feathers, Stanford!" He exclaimed cryptically, and - unfolded, for lack of a better word, his single eye bursting into flame and a dozen legs emerging from his now pyramidal frame. By the time Ford could react, Bill had already clambered through and out of one of the larger cracks like some oversized demonic arachnid.

He stared forward for a moment, one hand still loosely holding the metal bars of the hanging cage, adrenaline draining as quickly as it had came and leaving behind aches and strains in its wake. Ford felt sick, nauseous, a burning sensation somewhere in his throat that felt nothing like 500 volts of electricity yet hurt just as much.

There was nothing he could do but wait, wait for the world to end because he would not watch those children suffer for his mistakes.

It was… quiet now, without Bill's deafening voice and his own screaming in his ears. Just him and his thoughts, the latter of which were so deafening that he would not be surprised if they had somehow crossed into physical reality.

...As well as, he realized slowly and dimly and with more than a little confusion, the sound of expert tapdancing.

The sound of expert tapdancing, coming from… approximately two feet behind him?

Ford turned around. After a brief moment of quiet confusion, he looked down.

The dancing figure - short, squat, and inexplicably clad in a sailor suit - let out a terrified squeal.

#gf #gravity falls #my fic #atns #stanford pines #bill cipher #a thousand natural shocks

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