#(maybe... if i am alive enough for it)
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Today's performance with Wang Yifei, Zuo Yiping and Guo Hongxu <3 LC-mu knows how to resurrect me, my mental health is holding only thanks to them.
#my art#when no one got me I know lc mu got me#damn I was in my dying mode and THEY JUST BROUGHT ME FUN#UGHHHHHHH i love them so much#link click#shiguang dailiren#shiguang#lu guang#cheng xiaoshi#qiao ling#for the last few months I touched a pen maybe 2 or 3 times#the world is about to collapse and if I die tomorrow I am happy to be alive today where such a thing as this musical exists#I still hardly find a will to draw even though I know I have a lot of stuff to be drawn#but I just...can't.#trying again and again for nothing#so now I'm just happy it inspired me enough for this little piece#i still want to believe things will be better
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i'm just. taking a break from work and thinking about the fact that it's been almost two years since the c2 finale and that campaign still has me in a chokehold. i still think about the wizards all the time, which shouldn't surprise anyone but it's still remarkable. just taking a little moment to be in my feelings about them on main, nothing to see here
#i know it's been crickets on my ao3 for a while but i am still alive#in fact i am going to share a snippet of the one shot i'm working on for wip wednesday if i can remember which day it is for long enough#things might be settling down for me maybe? i got my shit together enough last week to finally decide to go back to therapy#this is probably a subject for another post and not the tags of this one but i can't wait to feel like i'm living again#and not simply surviving#and while writing is an excellent coping mechanism i would also love to experience the joy of creation again#alright back to work with me#thanks for reading my ramblings if you made it this far#i sincerely wish you a lovely timezone
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Teru's mom had such a cute design, do you have any headcanons about her ?
I have some small ones.
It's implied she was the one who taught Kou, who is the best cook in the manga. So she was one hell of a good cook in my heart.
She was very pretty: Teru and Aoi levels of popularity when she was younger and was heavily admired as an adult. Teru got her eyes and eyelashes.
She was a traditional woman at heart, genuinely enjoyed cooking and cleaning, and taking care of the kids. She used to be content with it.
She was closer to Kou than Teru.
She was a doting but very strange woman. Either she secretly had some of the energy/lack of tact/weirdness/morbid sense of humor that was passed down to her hyper kids, she just wasn't alive long enough for us to see it, or she only passed down her kindness to them, this borderline fretting and dependency on family BUT was attracted to someone with all these weird traits, having the looks to pull anyone but choosing an exorcist with fangs and weapons, and (i am assuming) lacking social skills.
I am inclined to say she was a brave and determined woman cause being part of the Minamotos is not an easy thing. She was a worrywart who cared deeply about her children's wellbeing but she had a twisted common sense, going "Can you cook it by yourself? are you sure? My baby boy, you're so young" yet going "oh my~" very casually when said baby boy wave around a sword, or Teru goes off to fight monsters.
(Unrelated but it's so strange that their father's sword is smaller than Teru's sword when Teru was 9??)
#headcanons yay#tbhk#toilet bound hanako kun#jshk#jibaku shounen hanako kun#minamoto teru#minamoto kou#minamoto mama#that's three down! i'll reply to more asks later#(maybe... if i am alive enough for it)
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I’m allowed one (1) vent of the colossal amounts of pressure my body and mind are under per month and i usually do my best to bury it in the early hours of the morning, so now that i’ve provided this valuable and important context:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA



#my stuff#i need to be beaten to death i need to be eaten alive i need to be slashed and stabbed and burned to ash#nothing i do will ever EVER be enough to make up for the existential guilt that gnaws at my soul#i’m hungry i’m tired i’m stressed about work and the safety and well-being of my family and friends#i miss my goddamn ex over a year after the end of a 6 month relationship like a pathetic wretch#i will never be pretty the way i wanted to be as a child and can only make myself enough of a freak that i don’t care#i want to be brutally harmed so the flesh of my body will show a fraction of the damage i feel inside#these wounds do not heal no matter how much i try to treat them with friendship and food and music and life#it is all insufficient. i was not supposed to live this long.#i try every day to be kind and to make the world a better place so that maybe just maybe i can say i earned the right to live that day#it never feels like enough. it probly never will#i’m so angry i’m so sad i feel incurable lonely no matter how much time i spend with friends#as soon as the call is over or i head home the darkness washes right back in and i feel like an abandoned cat on the roadside again#i want everything to be okay. It’s not right now#i want everyone i love to be warm to be safe to have enough to eat but I AM NOT GOD#i can’t fix everything no matter how much it makes me writhe inside#i’m a broke fucking grad student with a useless fucking project and they should bury me alive in the field research camp#perhaps a vegetable would cause less despair
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hey guys who wants another round of tmi
#ive been#this entire day has been a lot and i have no idea how to feel about it#i've never cried this much in an entire day and i can't stop myself from tearing up but it's not because of something sad or traumatic i'm#not used to being loved. or appreciated. or meant to feel like i belong anywhere. i've struggled with being excluded and ostracized and it#has been an uphill battle for a long time and deep down despite my many attempts to heal and get better i've always felt like something was#fundamentally wrong with me. it has been wrong with me from the start and whatever evidence to the contrary ive gotten was rationalised awa#by fluke or maybe people like me because of what i can provide and what i can do for them and not because of who i am and who i am will#always be tolerated or ignored at best and i genuinely was not expecting anyone but a few close friends to care about this and just. andjus#i think something in me is healing and it's still hard to accept but i can conceptualize it and any negative thought in my brain is being#countered by “hey why would you think that when people care about you” and i know it is obvious right. its something i should know but it#has always been so hard to believe that anyone would and the fact that it's hitting right now? i cant fucking stop crying#its almost fucking embarrassing im like this. im a grown ass adult. why the fuck am i still crying like this. i fucking hate trauma man#keeps making me feel like im that kid who was never loved in the ways that mattered. sorry im just#thankful. grateful. i feel like some parts of that gaping wound is stitching itself together and i cant stop crying and for once im not#crying because i'm being hurt. i'm just grateful to be here. genuinely fucking grateful that i'm alive#funny isnt it. how much love can save you if you let it#tmi#rant#embarrassed myself enough i think#sorry about that we'll go to our regularly scheduled ghoap program soon enough#i'll be okay
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#was talking to my sister and she reminded me how deeply deeply unwell I was at this time last year#it has been a year of grieving#as a person who has been chronically ill for years it maybe should not have hit me as hard as it did#but this bout…I am changed forever because of it#I’m feeling better in the cold and I finally feel as though I have the right combination to keep me going during the day#but man#I cannot tell the people who loved me through that enough how much their love kept me alive#chronic illness#Logan gets personal
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I don't care if the texts are about what you're eating for dinner, I'll take all the crumbs I can get !!
LMAO yeah okay here you go. And upon reading them this morning it wasn't that funny so idk why I was laughing almost hysterically last night about it ahskalslal


#not snz#he's so right i did sound insane lmao#i always manage to forget how weird i get when I'm overly tired ahskalsl#in my defense i was texting my fire coworkers like this too ahskalslal#six of them texted me to make sure i survived my drive home and a few texted me later in the evening to make sure i was still alive#i got progressively weirder the longer the day went on lmao#passed out at like 11pm which is unheard of for me#it's 10am now and honestly i still don't feel like i slept enough#vaguely headachy and still kinda tired#i know migraine hangovers are A Thing but I've never had one so maybe I'm just going crazy fr lmao#at least i don't have to do anything today#also several people i know said to drink caffeine??? like will that not make it worse?????#the most caffeine i consume is maybe a cup of black tea and that's not even everyday#it just makes me so tired lmao and doesn't caffeine make headaches worse#i think the coworkers are just trying to fuck with me idk#i am kinda hungry tho i barely ate yesterday bc i was nauseous af#maybe food will fix me#partner posting
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what's a good christmas card design that says 'I would rather be hibernating than having to deal with christmas obligations and that includes making this card'
#THE THING IS. I am not a scrooge! I am not a grinch! I am not an anti-christmas hater!! I am JUST TIRED.#I am TIRED I am OVERWHELMED every time I think about christmas shopping I start CRYING which is VERY NORMAL#if christmastime is about love and togetherness instead of Presents and Objects#I sure wish I felt like I could just skip the latter (giving OR receiving) without feeling like it's because I'm bad at the former#if I get a bad grade at christmas presents it's because I don't love people enough. and deserve to be killed with hammers probably.#well if I LOVED people enough I'd know what to get them! but I don't which means I'm a piece of shit!!#I wanna do christmas cards because I WANT to I just!! need another month.... please......#I just can't think. I'm just overwhelmed by being alive. and I don't even DO anything. like I'm not even BUSY.#christmas is nice I wish I could actually enjoy it without lowkey feeling like maybe I should walk into traffic#OTHER PEOPLE HAVE REAL PROBLEMS. CHRIST.
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Past the end of this cold winter Until the spring comes again Until the flowers bloom again Stay there a little longer Stay there
Hmmm I'm being cringe and in my feels so ignore it 💜
I don't know about you guys, but it's very much dawning on me that this is the year Bangtan is at last 7 once more.
It's been over 2 years since they've been complete, and I don't know. We're here at last. We spent so much time in the years before Jin enlisted worrying about this, and literally counting down the days until they were all out. It feels like both an eternity and a single day since he left.
And now it's 2025, and in about six months we're getting everyone back together. 2 years. We've had so many wonderful moments and musical projects from them in the meantime, but it feels so empty without them all. I don't know, I just really REALLY miss the guys right now. This feels so silly - and yet!!! I miss them!!! I really do!!!
Just one more winter. One more spring.
Until we meet again 💜
#no joke i've been replaying this song for the past 20? minutes or so#it's past 5am. sure it's new year and all but i SHOULD be asleep. or at least attempting#instead here i was being all contemplative and hopeful for the new year. writing my silly goals and stuff#and the reminder that bts is almost reunited hit me like a speeding truck. oh my goodness i miss them so much it's actually insane#i find it very appropriate that my very first tears of '25 are because of how much i miss them and how happy i am to see them again together#wow. i made it. we made it!! these were probably the weirdest 2 years of my life and idk! i actually feel so hopeful for once. genuinely#and to think i lived long enough to see them comeback!!! wow!!! i'm holding on so so tightly WOW.#AND RIGHT DURING FESTA WEEK AS WELL!!! Oh this year's festa is going to be so emotional oh my goodness#i can't wait to participate in a real comeback once again. the teasers. the midnight release panic. even all the streaming events#new bangtan bombs 🥹 and dance practices 🥹 maybe even more run! bts (with ot7)#WOW!!! HOPE IS ALIVE I AM ALIVE WE ARE ALIVE WOWOWOW#bts#darya's mixtape#Spotify
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just a couple of creepy 18th-century innkeepers talking shop!
[featuring @borisyvain's lazarus mcclure and my own james webster]
#em draws stuff#oc time again hehe#haunted by your hand#the gambler: james webster#really I should start having an 'other people's characters' tag again as well...#so yes I have thought about these two being Brothers In Homosexual Haunted Murderhotel for long enough that a drawing happened#I do not know Where they are in this image (esp. as I have aged james up by some 30ish years so as to be able to Interact with mr mcclure)#(which is why she's looking a bit mellower than usual and also wearing teal... Character Development which as of regular hbyh has not#yet come to pass.....)#eh who knows maybe james went to ireland. she can have a little a go to ireland hang out with other horrible people as a treat#she deserves a little treat for making it to the 1780s-1790s (no one thought she was making it of the 1760s alive I am sure)#surprisingly this was a delightful refresher as I have been in a state of artblock/only interested in drawing things I can't work on in#public spaces lately! but this came together in barely two hours (admittedly after four days of staring at pictures of mr mcclure)#anyway if you read this far you should all go look at jory's blog his characters are SO cool and well-researched#james will someday be more well-researched than she currently is but that will be after I get around to reading 'the english pub 1500-1830'#which I found in the library and was so brave and strong and Did Not check out so as to actually maybe get schoolwork done
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I love nature
it's so insane how many different lifeforms are on this planet
and there used to be so many more?
and then there's fact that there are so many other solar systems with a chance to host life in some of their planets?
and then that there are so many galaxies?? that host even more solar systems???? and so much potential life?????
nature is so cool
#personal#i'm just#there so many amazing creatures in this earth#and so many of them are individuals too!!#with their own quirks and characters!! maybe less complex that humans but still with their own little personalities!!!#and we share this 1 in a million (maybe more) planet with them#we are lucky enough to be alive alongside of them#why am i crying
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Not to be a hater but what the actual fuck is going on in BNHA? I read until about half way through the war arc and I'm sitting here like?? Y'all still fighting for hero society and nor dismantling institutions of oppression? WHACK. y'all still sucking endeavors dick after he abused his family so badly one of them becomes an murderous villian? W H A CCK!
#Maybe it's my enflamed sense of justice but fuck that I'd be a villian too#But really I am a hater and the reason I stopped reading was because endevour wasn't getting hated enough#Fuck that guy#They wanted me to hate katsuki bakugo so badly when the worst human alive is literally right there in a position of power
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the difference between good whispangle and bad whispangle is the difference between trusting each other the most and only trusting each other. between getting stuck in the past or letting the future embrace you. between holding a close bond and being desperate for each other’s company. between being a pair and being a unit.
good whispangle is tangle helping whisper stay in the present and future, and whisper being a guiding hand, a steadying of tangle’s impulse, and the both of them making choices that help and comfort the other.
bad whispangle is tangle getting dragged into dwelling on the past with whisper, is tangle being made to overstep instead of minding the lines she should be able to see, and whisper sinking into a mire that tangle follows her into instead of pulling her from. is putting them together ‘because they’re whispangle’ and forgetting why they were loved together in the first place. is keeping them together because they’re whispangle, even when they trod on the other.
and the difference is,
that if it starts out bad and becomes better, it’s satisfying, heartening.
but to start out excellent and then get worse and decay, feels like a smear or a stain on top of a beloved work.
a natural decay can be done, but we want them to be good together, to bring out the best in each other instead of enabling the worst. if we want to see decay, it is because it makes sense for one or both of them to be driven off-balance and start messing with the other, we want one or both of them to realize this, and we want them to have to jump-start and kick aside and course-correct and come out all the better, for having broken their flaws open and mended them with gold.
we don’t want to see them broken apart and stuck back together with cheap glitter glue.
#somewhat critical so im not tagging them. and its under a readmore. if you see this thru search i love early whispangle &#im not sold on recent dynamics with the ‘neo diamond cutters’ (please use any other name - even if it sounds stupid like ‘ruby tusslers’)#some of them. some of the other bits of their recent dynamic are so good. but it’s a mixed bag#mostly i am a person who loves characters to be capable of being independent. and functioning by their lonesome#idk like i can see tangle being desperate & wanting whisper to stay. what i CANT see if her going ‘lets be the diamond cutters!’#esp without asking whisper.#like you can try and justify it ‘shes trying to keep their memory alive as a positive reminder instead of a dead name’#and i agree that that is justifiable but i just dont like the decision. it doesnt add enough for what it takes away to me#additionally i feel like if tangle & whisper were just the main characters they wouldnt have so many issues (ha. issues. comic)#but because they’re sometimes just absent for 3-10 issues at a time because other characters get a turn#& important developments or open-ended storylines are left bare as bone. (what did tangle do to search for whisper? where did she go?)#if you’re trying to give tangle complicated feelings and have her muse over things & explicitly be supposed to#be considering reforming a ‘diamond cutters’ during the time she’s missing whisper. she should have explicitly been considering that#instead of 0 to ‘lets reuse the traumatic name with no warning’. whisper not knowing? sure. the audience having no clue? bleh.#fair warning i am typing this at 12:30am with a mild headache so maybe i dont make sense#naturally a disclaimer that if you like this go you!! i would be interested in hearing why you like it#but i don’t like it the way i’m currently seeing it
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in general i think itd be fun to try out more character designing techniques again. i have some intense habits coming from making little doodle comics that can only be described as: designed with the expectation that i'll have to draw it 7 times in a row
#which isnt a bad thing. but its something i very much lean into LOL#ESPECIALLY with clothing. i have fun with like expressions and demeanour and recently hair silhouette has been very exciting to play with#but clothes? i am putting you in a t shirt. sorry.#this design philosophy works fantastic if im making facial expression and dialogue focused comics like wordy comedies or maybe a melodrama#but for other mediums im passionate about it does fall a little flat clothing wise. i need to bump up my abilities.#i love visual novels. i love mascot characters. i love stuff where one drawing is supposed to stand there still for a very long time#thats where i need to amp up my clothing. i must practice. i must#you know for a while there i completely wrote off my character design skills but i guess its not as bad as i thought they were#i have habits and things i lean on a bit much. and theres some samefacey samebodyey tendencies#but i have potential. i think i have potential. not enough to apply to a character design college tho LOL#BRO people irl keep telling me to do that and im like LISTEN. theyre gonna eat me alive in there even if i somehow got accepted#maybe in another place itd be different. but in ontario they'd eat me alive <3#but i will develop my skills on my own. i shall try......
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BEEN A HOT MINUTE LOL
I AM ALIVE AND KICKING ASS AND GUESS WHOS BACK FROM LIIIIIIIIIIIIFFEEEEEEEEE
#LIFE UPDAATEEEE#GOD I MISS TAGS#ITS ONE WAY TO EXPRESS SHIT#I AM ALSO BACK IN THE UNDERTALE RABBITHOLE SO IM GONNA TRY AND DRAW THAT LOL#LIFE WAS DEFINITELY SOMETHING#STILL DOING IT#DANG I MISS TUMBLR#WHAT THE HELL IS NEW HERE#CANT BELIEVE ITS STILL ALIVE#BUT IM GONNA DO SHIT NOW#MAYBE#IDK#I JUST MISS YALL#SRRY MHA FANS IM NOT MOTIVATED ENOUGH TO DRAW ANYTHING LOL#OR ANYTHING FOR THAT MATTER#BUT THAT DOESNT MATTER IM JUST GONNA TRY AND DRAW SHIT NOW
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