#(i'm obviously failing)
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I met the me who made different choices
#idk what this means so dont ask#got the words stuck in my head and this is what I wanted to draw for it immediately#me at my desk. so.#I dont look exactly like this obviously. doesnt matter. anyways#hard time recently in a lot of different ways#lots of work to do!#given up on getting everything done I kind of failed at that. it was too much#so now I'm just trying to get anything done that will make the next 6 months not kill me again#ideally. 3 episodes. or the book#or like at least close enough to that that its basically that#I'm feeling really screwed LOL#I dont know how I've been working every day for so long and still havent done enough...#(its because the work load is way too much)#every time I take 1 hour for myself. to cook. or clean. or draw something else. or play a game. I feel so guilty auauau#I hate webtoon I hate this damn green app...#DOESNT MATTER!!!#what DOES matter is my art is good as hell... look at this shit...#the light. the colors. I love you red I love you green#I need to get more red pants I only have the one pair.#I saw this guy with red pants that had skeleton legs on them and I was like FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!! I need them!!!!#I need to start sewing again. I dont have a sewing machine cause my apartment is too small so I havent sewn in years but I really want to..#I want to make clothes again... I need some vests I need some dresses..#I will not make pants or sleeved shirts because I dont hate myself#sketch#art#vent art I guess LMFAO its not#its just this fun little thing we like to call self expression#also this isnt how my desk setup actually is I scooted things around cause I didnt wanna draw anything twice. fuck it we ball#ok back to work
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I'm not immune to propaganda 😔
#5e strahd? I don't know that bitch that's not my man#sorry ireena he's my cringe fail homie he's my bro he's my middle aged riddled by syndromes fam#please read that damn book it's so good#it's so good in fact that I'm using that as tome of strahd in my campaign#with slight fixes obviously but still#a++ characterization#I would advise it to anyone even if you don't know anything about curse of strahd or dnd in general honestly#curse of strahd#strahd von zarovich#my art#totally not have been obsessing over it since july or anything
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— SMALLVILLE, "Tempest" (1.21) & "Fragile" (5.18)
#okay I'm determined to post my drafted gifsets more frequently now lol#smallville#smallvilleedit#svedit#lex luthor#clark kent#lana lang#clex#lexana#clexana#dcmultiverse#sv 1x21#sv 5x18#my gifs#usually we get clark's interactions with lex paralleling clark's LIs (like him saving both lex and lana from drowning)#but this is a rare instance where the parallel has lex as the center point#he uses the same line on clark that he later uses while canonically flirting with lana ('I hope you feel the same way')#(also their 'I do' replies are giving wedding vows 👀)#ofc these scenes are both obviously foreshadowing the future and I'm sure that's all that was intended by them#(clark and lex's friendship will fail bc of lies + deceit; lex and lana not actually trusting each other 100% will ruin their relationship)#but that's just the usual sv doomed by the narrative shit so... eh whatever
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it's crazy to me that the only way you can fail the matron's test is by trusting your best friend or mother and caring for their plight. but not as crazy when you know they're a follower of the betrayer and a ruidusborn though, right?
imogen sounds so defeated when she asked if trusting her mother was bad. then imogen repeating the same again to the hells with this really helpless look. because the matron, a near-omniscient being, has written off her mother as something too rotten to be trusted.
"you know your mother best in the end" the way that does not change the fact that YOU have viewed her mother in the worst light. it's killing me but i have to love the consistent portrayal of the holy, at every level of the realm, putting the burden on others to find goodness or redemption in ruidusborns. but until proven otherwise they are personally fine with reducing ruidusborns to caricatures of an evil turncoat.
the matron of ravens was not there when the gods, despite luz/sarenrae's insistence to give it a chance, decided to distrust the rotten fruit and plucked it right off from its tree, setting off their own end.
#same goes to followers of the betrayer (opal) obviously.#dorian was right to say this was a mockery.#immult speaking tag#cr spoilers#imogen & liliana#thunk tag#it's ruidusborn hours#the matron: i want to see that you can do what it takes should you not trust them.#imogen dorian & fearne: *trusts them*#the matron: so i actually didn't think you'd trust these people. this defeats the point of my test /completely/.#even imogen wasn't satisfied with the matron's rationale. she literally brought the topic up again with the hells as if she hadn't#just asked the matron to clarify it. i have to laugh.#(yes. i have taken into factor liliana being part of the reason why her champion is currently trapped.)#(no. even then i still don't know why this test solely operates on the presumption that these two are not deserving of trust.)#i'm glad imogen failed it lol.
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In the same bed, but not on the same page
[First] Prev <–->Next
#Poorly Drawn MDZS#MDZS#season 1#wei wuxian#little apple#lan wangji#I know this scene plays out very differently but it would just be the same punchline from a prev comic#That said it might have worked because man oh man#wwx cannot figure out for the second life of him why his *excellent tactics* are not working#For someone so smart he sure does fail to adapt and change his strategy#Its for the fanservice obviously but what was the *plan* with literally cuddling up next to your apparent captor in bed?#Have you ever shared a bed with someone? Cause when youre tired it takes a *lot* to motivate yourself to kick someone out#I'm staying asleep whether you stay in your lane or not ->me and lwj apparently#though he's prob happy to have this domesticity. Maybe. It's probably extremely bittersweet and painful to be so close yet so far away
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#interview with the vampire#iwtv spoilers#armand#vampterview#and what if i killed myself. then what?#Armand disassociating and also finding comfort in water and ships. yep i'm done 🌊🧎♀️🚶♀️#i know that it's dangerous to be an Armand stan in these dark times but i'll risk it. i'm not leaving my cringe-fail pathetic crush behind#i was doing a research for an ask and obviously got immediately distracted one billion times#i was laughing so hard at danlou that had completely ignored this lmao#iwtv caps#vampchives
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#i'm so unwell right now#someone please help#i tried to post only one of these and obviously failed#beejhawk#hunnihawk#run for the money
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something very horrifying about the concept of Thor but not Loki being told that Loki is Jotun when the brothers are old enough to understand the importance of the secret
#so he gets to watch Loki be unfavoured or try to do things and HE KNOWS WHY#but Thor can't SAY anything about it bc he's not supposed to#and Thor obviously has no way to reconcile that Loki is Jotun which means Jotun can't possibly be plain monsters#so Thor and Loki both keep badmouthing the frost giants#Thor gets to watch Loki hate on the frost giants while knowing Loki is one and idk something about that doesn't sit right with him#Thor basically gets to watch Loki fail at things and to Thor it's like 'oh yeah of course he's not as good or doesn't fit in'#he gets to watch and learn bad war stories and that's just how they learn about how horrible the Jotnar are#and i think occasionally Thor would stop to really process that fact#but most of the time Thor is just like. yeah that's a thing but it's not like it matters#even tho Loki being Jotun totally IS an important thing#he's just used to ignoring that it's not since he'd been told pretty far back#and it was apparently never relevant to their parents to inform Loki so *shrug*#ALSO ALSO Loki finding out so long after and being devastated and ''they told you of my parentage did they not?''#but make it Thor 1#make it happen when Loki goes to Earth to visit Thor too hjsvfdsh#Loki: I have reason to believe I'm not related to any of you by blood.#Thor: uh well that'd be a little hard wouldn't it#Loki finds out that Thor knew he was adopted/Jotun before him too#lets get that breakdown moving along
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Augh
#fancy is really struggling#and the babies are lovely and just FASCINATING in how they developed around but not shaped by humans and i so very deeply enjoy them#but they are also a little ungovernable due to their age and general lack of caring about rules and they are bothersome and rowdy#and it is obviously so so hard on her and my heart is breaking because im afraid we wont be able to get her through this#and i will have to give the babies up#and...not have another cat#just one#i would be crushed#and added to all of that is that the babies are taking their time learning to be pets and that is fine and wonderful actually#but...i need surgery on at least one ankle and i won't be able to keep up with them if things haven't sorted themselves out by then#and they haven't become more manageable and fancy hasn't adjusted#so we are asking about meds for poor fancy and hoping that works#but she's really having a hard time guys and i am fighting so hard to cope in a household where i spend most of my time alone#with two animals who don't love me yet or interact with me like pets (i'm a source of three things: food and snuggles on demand and NO STOP#and one who is sad and not herself#and frankly it's terrible that i can't fix this#and i am trying not to lose my shit but this wasn't supposed to be so hard#and im afraid i may lose five cats and not three#and im already barely holding on#i don't know what to do and neither does my boyfriend#i don't want to turn around and have to tell you guys we can't keep the babies#i feel like i am failing at something i am supposed to be GOOD AT#i don't want to be in a house so empty#i can't live like that#having the babies is lovely#they're so alive and the boys were so sick by the end and the stress of the constant anxiety and grief as they faded away was crushing#even before they died#it's been so good to have them running about#i don't want to LOSE that#im so tired of LOSING things
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OOOOO Spike being in love with Buffy is fucking incredible, it's beautiful it's-
#I'm at s5e4 btw#I knew this would come obviously but I didn't know it would be this soon so I am stoked#it was when he ranted to Harmony after the failed plan that I realised what was going on and I am SCREAMING#buffy the vampire slayer#btvs#spuffy#spike x buffy
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The fact that Despair Time CH2's one year anniversary is this month is crazy to me
#{🍀It is an equal failing to trust everybody and to trust no one at all. and to trust no one at all.🌟}#late january to early april was basically the highlight of my 2023 purely because of DRDT#Every friday was like a damn celebration#I remember sitting in the corner of my room in shock after CH2-11's cliffhanger#I really hope DRDT comes back this year (no rush to the dev obviously I'm just excited lmao)#danganronpa despair time#drdt
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" I'm a Psycho, loving it~ "
#[album]#ask to tag#cw#Music Shot#S-2#also i just wanna mess with its expressions and poses cuz it's fun#he can turn the black face into a screenface. changing any shapes and expressions as it pleases#horror. realistic eyes. tv static. etc but he prefers the original triangle smiles more#also i'm planning to redesign S-2 right now#S-2 focuses only on killing / violence to gain LV and he's stuck that way and called it a purpose to wipe out population#He got so focus on gaining LV because it made him feel so powerful and wanted more feeling like it's the only thing that made him feel aliv#i'm okay to spoil his story and all. He's made out of human determination in Mark's body and became a split personality to him#that's why S-2 and Mark are both corrupted because they're still not compatible to each other in one body#instead of being unstable in physical form. his mind is. because Gaster used a different formula but failed again#Gaster was trying to cure Mark because he was really ill and about to die#I only took the references/theories from the original undertale amalgamation obviously#S-2 was formed from Mark's own negative emotions and personalities then it became its own character#which causes the two (or Mark or S-2 themselves) to self-loathe with each other#it's literally like looking in a window as a mirror talking shit to each other#The real good Mark in this au is Mark himself. he just needs to be set free from this misery (and need to get rid of S-2 if possible)#that's why in my old Mark death posts. S-2 was gone from self-forgiveness meaning Mark forgives himself and deserves to be happy#(because everyone don't deserve to hate themselves)#i'm gonna keep the left eye joke not being available when doing the horror screenface cuz still wanna make it a Mark thing to him#cw horror#cw eye contact
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Vision: "I've Never Experienced Loss, Because I've Never Had A Loved One To Lose. But What Is Grief If Not Love Persevering?"
...
Vision: "Wanda, I know we can’t stay like this. But before I go, I feel I must know. What am I?"
Wanda: "You, Vision, are the piece of the Mind Stone that lives in me. You are a body of wires and blood and bone that I created. You are my sadness and my hope. But mostly, you’re my love."
Vision: "I have been a voice with no body. A body, but not human. And now a memory made real. Who knows what I might be next? We have said goodbye before, so it stands to reason..."
Wanda: "We’ll say hello again."
Wandavision
😭
*sob*
*sigh*
...and here I am...once again broken by a TV show...
Post scriptum:
Besides all the beautifully sad and tragically romantic vibes here, I feel no one talks enough about Darcy Lewis. I love how Kat Dennings once again did her thing! Just loved the character since her first appearance in Thor back then. Simply the cutest punch lines in the Multiverse...
#wandavision#wanda maximoff#vision#marvel#mcu#multiverse#elizabeth olsen#paul bettany#darcy lewis#kat dennings#i am really trying not to get so invested in shows#obviously i'm failing miserably#sigh
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it’s been a while
#thomas the tank engine#thomas and friends#ttte edward#ttte henry#ttte gordon#2x3x4#casa tidmouth#senjart#I haven't uploaded art in a while huh.... well tbh I've got a reason for that T_T#college entrance exams are on the 26th and I've been slaving away on books and mock exams#with all the sacrifices I've made I don't want to fail! obviously!#and on top of that drawing with a mouse takes quite some time#I'm also officially no longer a high schooler. I AM FREE#anyways erm. with that being said. enjoy the old men yaoi#ALSO I HAVEN'T ANSWERED A LOT OF ASKS I'M VERY SORRY. SORRY#I WILL GET TO THEM..... I JUST NEED SOME TIME#btw the buntings are a reference to the kirk ronan crash. heh. (clenches fist) heh
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Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.
#I've sort of made a new friend? Like we met at the same art group and he's also trans which was like pleasantly surprising in our small town#but like. We have Differences Of Opinion#and it's not totally his fault because it sounds like he's had a Lot of bad shit in his past that's obviously made him wary and closed off#but like. He's slightly older than me (only 4 years) and keeps blaming a load of his problems on other trans folks?#like you know the type. The like 'all these nonbinary/other identities the kids are doing are complicating shit'#the 'it hurts to see people younger than me inc. kids get hormones thrown at them when I still can't get 'em' (which... yeah not even true)#and he's told me himself he doesn't engage much with the queer community bc it's too 'toxic'#and like. I can absolutely understand why he could've had some bad experiences esp. since he has some mental health shit going on#but he wants to be friends bc he doesn't know anyone else going through the medical shit and it's like. Yeah no shit you don't?#you decided the community you'd find them in is toxic? and that people in them are doing being trans wrong?#and I think if he was just some guy online I'd like roll my eyes and ignore him#but he's a real person in my vicinity and I feel fucking bad for him#and I can see how much self loathing he has and how much that probably informs the bullshit#like he told me he thinks that trans men and cis men are fundamentally different categories and trans men will never be cis men#but not in a 'the experiences are just different and come with different perspectives way'#in like a self defeating way. Like a I just have to settle for being a trans man way.#and it made me SO SAD#like bro#I'm so sorry for whoever the fuck made you feel like you're fighting an unwinnable battle#and I want to be a friend to him. I want him to feel like there's other queer people out there and there's friends and hope#but also I genuinely could see him being the kind of person who would get really angry at you for no fault of your own#like I already get the distinct feeling he resents me a little#like obviously not too much since he still wants to hang#but he's been trying and failing to get HRT for years and I got it super quickly basically by sheer luck/a doctor who looks out for me#like I'm so fucking lucky. And I just genuinely feel like he's the kind of person who might take that personally.#I just do not think I have the fucking. Emotional tool kit to salvage this shit#But I also can't exactly text him and say sorry I don't think we should hang out so. What do.#.....I wasn't even LOOKING for a new friend! I have enough friends!!! I wanted to make clay faces and look at pretty buildings dammit!!!#now I have to be the emotionally mature one who goes hmmm maybe let's not blame other depressed trans kids for our problems buddy#I'm just gonna have to be like. Upfront about my stance and if he doesn't like it well he doesn't have to hang out with me
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had a really incredible moment this evening. went to my campus art market where one of my friends was selling the tank top i'm wearing - another friend bought it for me and i'm so overjoyed to have it. usually a fit that leans more Traditionally Masculine feels like a costume but tonight it just felt deeply correct and honest and warm. took the opportunity to take some indulgent little pictures because i do not think i have Ever looked more like myself. so happy.
#im like. slowly gently exploring butchness & ... what it means to me & ... trying to release the idea that it requires Masculinity....#ive always felt pretty disconnected from masculinity as a whole but i'm starting to find points of entry that resonate really deeply#& along with that is like... esp when it comes 2 kink & leather & butchness - which r not intrinsically related but to me they r connected#theres this idea that like. i'm taking myself too seriously. and that nobody's gonna take me seriously. and that i'm too little too young#that im like#obviously inexperienced and a joke and failing and looking stupid .#but ... realized recently that . that's really just the trauma talking#and that i can just like. try shit out. and notice how it feels + what comes up#and then try it again if i so wish#and nothing i try has to be permanent or defining ... and that like . my desires and comforts and joys and needs Should Be Taken Seriously#soooo much of my like. impostor syndrome . has to do with worrying that im not doing it right when compared to other men#but like.... most of the kinky men / leathermen i see are 35+ and cis .#of course im not doing it like them .#so . looking to the queers i know. especially my fellow transmascs as well as lesbians . for like. reassurance and inspiration#has been very healing . & good for my heart & my soul.#:)#yeah .#i think i gotta go read butch is a noun. ... yeah#goodnight :)#speak#materialization#ok2rb
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