#(i don't think we actually get to know what he's cooking?)

[thewitchblue]

"Jason, lovely?"

You called out. You had been looking for him for half an hour in the manor. He was a recent edition to the family, and he has been hidden himself away like a frightened animal. You were beginning to think he doesn't like you. He only showed up for patrol as Robin then hid away again. You didn't even know where he slept because he changed locations every night.

You really were defeated. You wanted to bond with him and show him the love he deserves, but he's nowhere. You wanted to cry, and you almost did, but Alfred pat your shoulder and told you to keep your head up. He would come to you, not the other way around.

You still sat down heavily with a frown. You didn't understand why he's avoiding you. Does he hate you? Does he resent you for taking him in? What did you do for him to hate you? You thought you had been welcoming when Bruce brought him home. Why is Jason so scared of you?

"I don't understand why he's avoiding me, Alfred. What did I do wrong?"

You knew Alfred didn't know either, but you needed to voice your sorrow. You were so saddened and defeated. All you wanted to do was bond with the little one, but he didn't seem to want to. He even cooks his own meals just to avoid the family.

Alfred walked up to you and softly said,

"You did nothing wrong, my dear. Master Jason will come to you in time, just as Master Bruce had to come to me after his parents' death."

You started to cry but waved off Alfred's comforting hand. You got up and walked away with a heavy heart and tear-filled eyes. You just want your baby to love you and accept you.

Little Jason watched from behind the corner, frozen in place. He thought he was doing the right thing by avoiding you both. He's only ever known adults who wanted to be left alone. He thought it was normal to stay out of the way to avoid dangerous situations with adults. He's learned noisy kids get tossed away, but does hiding do equal damage? Where is the median for you? How does he make you three happy? Jason didn't know what to do, but the more tears you shed, the worse he felt. He did this, but how does he fix it?

He hesitated before slowly approaching you. He truly did care about you. You are warm and loving despite knowing very little about him as a person. You took him in and loved him so easily. He didn't know what to do. Does he hug you? Does he talk to you? What won't get him thrown out? He doesn't want to anger you. He awkwardly shifted in place, uncertain and anxious.

You noticed him, but you were equally lost. Would he run away if you hugged him? You wanted to love him the way he deserves to be loved. You asked softly,

"Jason, sweet pea?"

Jason slowly nodded, as if he needed to confirm his identity or confirm he's real. You almost sobbed when you managed to coax him into a hug.

"Jason, my lovely, never hide from me."

You kissed the top of his head. You held him like he was going to disappear into thin air. He was overwhelmed by the love, but it was a good overwhelm. He felt warm and safe for the first time. Is this what a parent is supposed to be like?

You loved Jason so easily and openly. He was such a kind kid. You both grew incredibly close after that day.

The library was a safespace where Jason was free and comfortable to do anything, and you often spent time with him in the library as a result. Every time he needed an honest conversation with you, he asked,

"Can we speak in the library?"

That was that. You always obliged when he asked. Who can say no to tiny Jason? You couldn't resist his beautiful eyes and his hopeful expression.

He asked for the library talks even after his revival. He even shot Bruce in the abdomen for interrupting his library time (he claims by accident, but you knew better). He never apologised to Bruce or even to Alfred, who had to attend to the wound. In fact, he actually used the shooting as a distraction and left the manor. He talked to you after patrol and gave you some homemade cookies he made to make up for it. He didn't say anything, and neither did you, but he knew you weren't mad when you offered him a hug and ruffled his hair affectionately. He may be a giant now, but he's still your baby boy, and even Jason can admit you were babying.

He loves you, and he has shot many people that were in his way to your side. He was indiscriminate who he shot. Family and friends have long learned to avoid the library when Jason is suspected to be home. You say suspected because he can get in and out of the manor without ever being seen.

"Jason, lovely?"

You called out when you thought you noticed his shadow. He's built like your husband, so you can't be sure it's Jason from the glimpse you saw.

"It's me, ma."

He confirmed as he guided you to the library. His rough hand held yours gently as you both walked together. He's always loved holding your hand when he was nervous, and that seemed to persist into adulthood. You smiled warmly at him. You asked,

"To the library, lovely?"

He nodded and lightly squeezed your hand. His gaze never stopped scanning the area, as if his eyes were looking for any threats, aka snooping siblings. He needed to tell you something important or embarrassing and needed only you to hear about it.

When you do arrive at the library, he brings you to your usual spot next to all of the young adult books you bought for him through the years. You smiled and sat down at the familiar armchair while Jason stood awkwardly in front of you. He used to sit on your lap when he was younger and giggle when you showered him with kisses, but now he sits in the closest chair available or sometimes on the ground so you can run your fingers through his hair in a soothing motion.

"I'm seeing someone."

He managed to blurt out before quickly looking away from you. He was flustered and blushing, but he wasn't really ashamed. He was embarrassed. It was such a simple thing to say, but he couldn't help his flushed face.

"When do I get to meet this 'someone,' lovely?"

Jason nervously cracked his knuckles. He wants you to meet two-on-one, not the whole family. Your opinion matters the most out of everybody in the family.

"Does Saturday work?"

You took his hand in yours and lightly squeezed it with a warm smile. You said softly,

"Any time, lovely."

Jason breathed a slow sigh of relief. Hurdle one covered. He looked at your conjoined hands as he asked nervously,

"Can you keep this between us? We want to meet only you."

You smirked. With a mischievous gleam in your eyes, you said,

"It's library time. Nobody hears anything outside."

Jason smirked back at you. Oh, he loves you dearly. You offered him a hug, which he gladly accepted.

You held him like you always did, but the hug felt different now. It felt like a proud mother accepting the baby bird to fly and make a life for himself. Your arms promised love and security no matter what happens.

[lost-romantique]

Blitzø's Future Character Development

So recently I had the chance to watch one of Viv's Patreon Q&A live streams- and I stumbled and watched the one she made back in January of this year.

And there was something that Viv said that really stuck out to me about Blitz and his character growth.

"Blitz's major arc this season was about opening up to others and realizing that, despite having hurt people in the past, he is still worthy of love. And reconciling those two sides of himself will be the main growth arc for next season."

Now let's break this down~

"Blitz's major arc this season was about opening up to others and realizing that, despite having hurt people in the past, he is still worthy of love."

We know that Blitz begins his redemption arc once he reconciles with Fizz in Oops.

Being able to- for the first time talk about what happened that day in the circus, and explain to Fizz that it was all an accident- and having Fizz forgive him, healed a small part of Blitz's broken heart.

Thus begins the hardest part about Blitz's journey~

The events of Fool Moon happen and Blitz is forced to confront the truth about his relationship with Stolas- and it ends... Horribly.

Blitz- in a desperate bid to get back to the status quo- resorts to what he thinks will get Stolas back in his life, sex.

However, by the time he apologizes- it's too late, and he's forced to give Stolas up in the end.

The last thing Blitzø does before ultimately leaving Stolas- was making a sincere apology to Verosika, mending one more relationship he burnt in the past.

Ghostfuckers, despite the bullshit Blitz went through- was ultimately an episode of healing for him as was able to walk away- having learned that he's helped someone for the better, and that there are people that love him and want him for more than just his body.

His character development comes full circle as he learns the depths of Stolas' feelings for him.

I think Sam Haft describes Blitz's character development perfectly~

"Blitz comes out the other side more self-actualized."

Now onto the next part~

"And reconciling those two sides of himself will be the main growth arc for next season."

Truthfully, I was confused when she said this- and a part of me still is, but I think the main part of Blitz's growth next season comes from learning to give and receive love.

Sinsmas Blitz is the best iteration of Blitz we have so far, a smol bean who is able to be tender and caring towards his big birb because he's giving love.

Blitz is able to slip in the caretaker role with ease like a natural because one thing Blitz likes to do is show love physically.

Cooking, going out into the town, shopping, dancing~

Blitz shows love physically. Before he was only able to do it through sex, but now he's allowing himself to show it in other ways.

But you can tell, that he's still unsure of himself.

That a huge part of Blitz's growth next season comes from, not only learning to receive love, but learning to love himself more- or at least appreciate it.

And I'm looking forward to it, ever so slowly~

(Also, this is why Stolas can't leave him to date another guy because I don't know how the fuck that's going to improve that man's shit self-esteem).

[finemeal]

I’ve been seeing a lot of: what would the batfam do for Bruce on Mother’s Day? And I’m like: … nothing, he has Father’s Day? So here’s what I ACTUALLY think what some of the batfam would be doing on Mother’s Day since most of them are without Mother’s (sad)

Alfred: We don’t know much, if anything, about Alfred’s mother. But, I can’t imagine Alfred not doing something to honor her. Whether that's cooking dishes she taught him, enjoying an activity they used to do together, or simply him sitting in silence as he reflects on fond memories they had together. Maybe he'll even tell anyone who's willing to listen stories about her.

Bruce: I imagine Bruce is visiting his mother’s grave on Mother’s Day. From my research, some Jewish people place small stones on the gravestone to mark their presence, so I imagine he’d spend countless hours before the day finding the perfect stone to place. After he leaves the grave, he’d spend time doing things he used to do with her, or get things for her that he wished he could now. Maybe he’d spend time at the Elderly home with mother’s whose kids can’t/don’t visit to make sure they get to enjoy Mother’s Day as well.

Dick: I can see Dick going to a circus, or Haly's Circus, on Mother's Day to celebrate his mom. I imagine on the day his parents died, he goes to their graves, but on Mother's Day he does what they used to do on Mother's Day which is: enjoy the circus. If he's able, maybe he even performs at Haly's Circus in her honor. Spending time somewhere he used to spend with his mom is something I can see him doing. I can even see him buying flower's and gifting them to either some stranger at the circus to brighten the mom's day up, or to one of the mom's who works at Haly's Circus. And if he's at Haly's Circus, I can see him talking to people and swapping stories about his mother, surrounded by people who loved her and misses her.

Barbara: When it comes to what Barbara would do on Mother's Day, it's actually really complicated. In some continuities she's dead, in other's she's alive but moved away. If she died, I imagine Barbara would spend Mother's Day with her family as they do things to honor Barb's mom's memory. Most likely, doing things they used to do with her mom on Mother's Day. If she's alive? Well then shit dude, Barbara's spending Mother's Day with her mom and doing whatever she wants. I don't know how close they are canonically, but I can see Barbara at the very least getting a meal with her mom or sending her gifts to celebrate Mother's Day.

Jason: Jason had, and lost, two mom's: the mom who raised him and the mom who birthed him. I imagine that he used to celebrate Mother's Day differently by spending the day mourning. But now-a-days he spends it in Crime Alley either taking care of mother's (no matter how old/young), and/or spending time with kids who, like him, lost their mom. I imagine he does this to honor both of his mom's who he lost, unable to celebrate with them but able to celebrate their memory with other people. He likely, like Alfred, would even tell anyone who asked about his moms and memories he had with them (though some are worse than others).

Tim: No matter how you feel about how Janet Drake did as a mother, Tim CANONICALLY was distraught over her death and mourned her. I think the Mother's Days that happened when his dad was still alive was doing things they used to do with her. After his dad died, I think Tim at first didn't want to celebrate it, but over time either goes somewhere with Bernard to distract themselves or they do what Tim and his dad used to do.

Stephanie: We actually see a lot more of Crystal Brown in comics than gets talked about in fandom, likely because her appearances dwindled when New 52 happened. But, as far as I can tell, Stephanie and her mom had a (mostly) good relationship. I think for Mother's Day, Stephanie would be spending the day with her mom. Going out to eat, doing whatever her mom wanted to do, and just spending good quality time together.

Cass: Now, obviously, Cass's relationship with her mother is ... complicated to say the least. I can see scenarios where maybe one Mother's Day they do sorta spend time together, but in a very toxic way most likely. Most Mother's Days, I can see Cass either taking the day to herself or tagging along with someone for their Mother's Day activities.

Damian: Damian's mother is VERY much alive and he VERY MUCH loves his mom. Damian spends Mother's Day with Talia al Ghul if she is available, if she's not then he tags along with Bruce and learns more about his grandmother. But, Damian very likely prefers spending time with his mom on Mother's Day and doing some bonding with her (as much as he can, really).

Duke: Duke's mom is not dead, she's even actually been cured of the Joker Venom! Duke is spending Mother's Day with his mom, doing what she wants and soaking up all the time he gets to spend with her (especially since, at one point, she was practically lost to him). They get good mother-son bonding time and he 100% gets her her favorite flowers and chocolate and writes a card that makes her cry.

[chefkids]

Will you give your takes on the poster/what it implicates?

On the top left we see Syd and Carmy cooking next to each other !!! Oh how we took that for granted in Season 1.

I think Carmy is *actually* going to start really listening to her and paying attention to the fact that she is unhappy and that he is horrible to be around. I don't think he will necessarily find out about Shapiro's offer just yet, I think that's going to catch him by surprise and I think it will be the cause of their fight.

Richie is also there because he sees everything. He is paying attention to the details. Of everything. Including them. He has kept his commentary and opinions on them at a bare minimum because he wasn't trying to force anything, unlike the Fak's who forced clairecarmy. But he is #noticing. He oooo'd at them having their little lovers quarrel and at him bringing Claire over. And if his little notebook is an indication of anything, he has plans for them that he can not disclose because the haters will sabotage them. Sydney is still in the middle of them, I think Carmy and him will makeup earlier on in the season but there's still some tension left to be had.

Our unproblematic faves Marcus, Tina, and Natalie are on the other top corner minding their business, making food, keeping the family together. Natalie is bringing that baby fresh out of the womb to that restaurant. No maternity leave. Baby's rent is due!! I think Marcus going to perfect his violet dish which will be a huge hit and work on more stuff. He is by far the most "inspired" Chef of them all right now and the one looking to make magic and that will definitely rub off on Tina and the rest of them. It also looks like he is working on the honey buns he made back in Season 2, so I think we'll be circling back to quite a few old dishes that actually have meaning to them. *cough* risotto.

Carmy is still working on that lamb chop. Inspiration is going to be a big part of the season, per Jeremy's own words. And we did see Carmy get inspired towards the end of the last season. But he got scared cause he realized Syd is what inspires him and if he thinks to hard about it his brain starts to hurt, so he had to lock himself in the fridge to think about his coping mechanism– I mean Claire. Sydney wanted to go to Noma for inspiration, Carmy wanted to go Kasama. I think they might actually go out to eat together !!!

We saw him at home working on drawing that lamb dish that Sydney tried and called dusty. He's not even able to finish the drawing. And we know he loves to draw for her. He tries to look for inspiration in books and thinking about all the other Chefs he has worked with, but gets nowhere. He needs her!!!

Perfect means perfect. His non Negotiable. He needs to get that lamb perfect. For Syd. Tina working on the lamb as well is a sign of dare I say, vibrant collaboration. He's not doing the menu alone. He's letting Tina in. He's listening. He's learning. Fak is Fak and screwing things as one might expect. We are going to get more of him and even more new Fak's, so let's just accept it.

Ebra and his sandwiches are the legacy of The Beef and of Mikey and I think we will see that shine and bleed into The Bear.

Sydney is still in her black and white scarf era. Because her choices are very black and white. Stay or Go. Yes or No. I think she will pull out of it and if her scarfs are any indication she is going to want to stay. Cause that's #familyforever. And she is his inspiration and he's hers. Muse for a muse.

[murderenjoyer]

"You only ship bloodweave because they're attractive white men!!!!!!"

Actually it's because my ships are almost always my fav character #1 + fav character #2.

Guess who those happen to be.

Beyond that, they're both smart (Astarion knows law, Gale knows magic) so they can chat about Deep Lore Nerd Shit and learn from each other. They both enjoy reading so they can bond over that. God Gale/Ascended Astarion can be the wildest Power (with a capital P) couple. Professor Gale could help spawn Astarion get a job teaching night school.

I think Astarion finds Gale a little pompous and annoying (many do) but he also thinks his confidence and intelligence are attractive. Gale finds Astarion very hot (many do) but he's the most attracted to his quick wit and ingenuity.

Gale casting little flashy magics in his hands just because it looks cool would amuse Astarion, Astarion doing flippy dagger tricks would amuse Gale. Normal human Gale could cook lovely meals for Ascended Astarion because that poor boy hasn't had food in 200 years, and they can eat together at Gale's tower watching the sunrise. Gale can teach Astarion magic that isn't Basic Elf Firebolt, Astarion can teach Gale how to pick a lock. They don't need to know this stuff but learning for its own sake is fun for them both.

We all have our reasons for what we ship. Boiling it down to "white man lust" (while not so subtly implying we're racist for not fitting Wyll in there somewhere) is reductive, uncreative, and frankly just plain rude.

[howlingday]

Weiss & Ruby: (eating lunch in a diner)

Jaune: (walks in from the rain and sits at the counter)

Weiss: 😍

Ruby: Whatcha lookin' at, Weiss? (looks at the counter) Ooooooh~! That's one tasty thing you're looking at, Weissy! 😏

Weiss: Huh?! 😨

Ruby: Oh, yeah~! I see it in your eyes! You want a piece of that~! 😉

Weiss: R-R-Ruby! I don't know what you're-! 😰

Ruby: Aw, don't be embarrased! You just sit right here and I'll take care of everything! 😁 (gets up and heads to the counter)

Weiss: Ruby, no-! 😱

Ruby: (walks up to the counter, right next to Jaune) Excuse me...

Weiss: 🫣

Ruby: (talking to the waitress) ... but my buddy, Weiss, would like a slice of your apple pie, please! 😊

Weiss: 😮‍💨

If I may clarify...

Jaune enters the diner.

To Weiss, he looks like an angel in the light; radiant and powerful. With a firm motion of his hand, his hair slicks back into a sexy greaser look. He then looks down before turning his head...

And shake the rain off his head like a dog. Once his hair settles, it poofs into knots. He then steps forward, boots squeaking like some combination of chew toy and a wet balloon.

Weiss can't take her eyes off of him as he walks through the diner, tall, bold, and confident with the determined eyes of a soldier. He then sets himself into a stool, slowly turning like a luxury model car...

With his belly to the seat and his face sagging with the weight of a long day's work. He finally spins to face the counter and pulls himself up, feet struggling to find the foot-rest, before settling his hair.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled incorrect quote...

--------------------------------------------------

"O-Oh no!" Weiss waved defensively. "I'm fine, thank you~!"

Ruby quirks her brow before looking at the diner employee, giving a shrug. "Guess she's changed her mind." As the cook walked away, Ruby directed her attention to the blond nearby. "She's got such a moody appetite. Prolly a blue-eye thing." Ruby fenced up her hands. "Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

"Actually, I don't think I've seen you around here before." She extended her hand. "I'm Ruby Rose~!"

"Hi, the name's Jaune!" The man took her hand. "Jaune Arc~!"

"And that indecisive scatter-brain over there is my BFF, Weiss Schnee~!"

"H-Hello there..." Weiss said with a gulp as she awkwardly waved.

"Hey, wanna join us at the booth? We could use the company~!"

"Sure thing~!" Jaune hopped from his seat, approaching his new seat. "Nice to meet you both!"

[slymanner]

Look all I'm saying is if that a shadow game can work THAT well and be so well designed story wise and gameplay wise

HE can work

[kazoosandfannypacks]

I've never been one to hate a show's ending because two characters ended up getting together but oh my gosh this one stunk

[ayrennaranaaldmeri]

welp since some of those shitty leaks turned out to be true, those rook's rest leaks are going to end up being true and from the very bottom of my heart i wish c*ndal a very never get work adapting anything again i hope by the end of this your reputation is worse than benioff's and weiss's because it's all you deserve.

[akchually]

.

[sufficientlylargen]

It always gets me that the name "Gandalf" literally just means "Wand-Elf" or "Stick-Elf". I'm imagining old Gondorians just being like:

Librarian: I saw that weird guy at the library again today.

Guard 1: What weird guy?

Librarian: The old guy with the beard? Kinda elfy-looking, apart from the beard?

Guard 1: Oh, with the big-ass stick?

Librarian: Yeah, looked like he was carrying an entire tree branch.

Guard 2: Yeah, that's the Stick Elf.

Guard 1: Hell yeah, I fuckin' love the Stick Elf.

Librarian: The "Stick Elf"?

Guard 2: He comes by every few years, usually after some weird book or other.

Librarian: Oh. Yeah, he wanted a treatise on goblin breeding habits.

Guard 2: Like, how they have sex? We have books on that?

Librarian: Yeah, turns out we do. I was as surprised as you are.

Guard 1: What'd the Stick Elf need a fuckin' goblin-fuckin' book for?

Librarian: I didn't ask. So you just call him "Stick Elf"?

Guard 2: I mean, he looks kinda elfy and he always has that stick, so, like, yeah.

Guard 1: Dude also has some fuckin' dope pipeweed.

Guard 2: Oh yeah, his pipeweed is awesome.

Librarian: How long has he been coming here?

Guard 2: Oh, for decades. He's, like, super old.

Guard 1: More like fuckin' centuries. Dude's old as balls.

Guard 2: Wait, really?

Guard 1: Yeah, my gran-gran used to talk about him. She loved his pipeweed too.

Librarian: So he's… an immortal pipeweed dealer?

Guard 2: I think he's just, like, a connoisseur. He doesn't sell it or anything. He just always has some really top-notch pipeweed on him.

Archivist: Oh, are we talking about Stick Elf?

Guard 1: Hell yeah we are!

Librarian: You know about the Stick Elf, too?

Archivist: Oh, totally. Stick-Elf's a super chill dude. Gave me some awesome pipeweed when I was maybe 12, and tee-bee-aitch I think I'm still a little buzzed from it.

Guard 1: What'd I tell ya, fuckin' dope pipeweed!

Archivist: Also he's really old.

Guard 1: Old as balls.

Librarian: Yeah, so Éodan and Jenniforomir were telling me.

Archivist: My grandpa used to tell me stories - he said one time he saw Stick Elf enter a smoke-ring contest.

Guard 1: Ooh, I'll bet he kicked fuckin' ass.

Archivist: Apparently the guy made an entire warship out of smoke and it flew around shooting down the other rings.

Librarian: And how much of this "fuckin' dope" pipeweed had your grandfather had by this point?

Guard 1: No no, that's totally plausible. Dude's got weird elf powers and shit for sure.

Archivist: He brought fireworks for the king's birthday one year, too.

Guard 1: Oh fuck, I forgot about those! Fuckin' incredible fireworks! Dragons and knights and glowy trees and shit! I was fuckin' 6 years old or something, they totally blew my mind. Hey Éodan, did you see that shit?

Guard 2: No, I think that's before I lived in Gondor.

Guard 1: Wait, you're not from here?

Guard 2: Oh, no, I grew up in Rohan. We moved here when I was, like, thirteen because my uncle Éojeff said he could get my dad a sweet job. And also that there were houses that didn't smell like horseshit.

Guard 1: Oh shit, are you related to Éojeff and Éosteve who run that æbleskiver stand on Norndîl St?

Guard 2: Yeah, they're my uncles!

Guard 1: Shit, they cook a fuckin' great æbleskiver!

Librarian: Ok, hold up a sec, "Stick Elf" can't possibly be his real name.

Guard 1: Why not?

Librarian: What? You think his parents named him in the hopes that he would carry around a fucking tree when he got older?

Guard 2: Maybe they gave him the tree when he was born!

Archivist: I don't think a baby could carry that stick.

Guard 1: You ever seen a baby hanging onto something? They're hella strong.

Archivist: It's not a strength thing, their hands are tiny. That staff is enormous!

Guard 1: My halberd's bigger 'n I am, I can hold it just fine.

Archivist: You're not a baby.

Librarian: Also why would elf parents name their kid "stick ELF"?! Presumably they know that their kid's going to be an elf!

Archivist: Is he actually an elf? I didn't think they grew beards.

Guard 1: How'd he get old as balls if he's not an elf?

Guard 2: His ears aren't that pointy. Maybe he's just a really old guy? Like, a Numémoriam or something?

Guard 1: Did you just say "Numémoriam"?

Guard 2: Nûnenorman? Munimõrbitan? Y'know, those guys like the king that can get super old.

Guard 1: You mean the fuckin' Númenóreans?

Guard 2: Yeah, the Númenóreums.

Archivist: Even the Númenóreans don't live THAT long.

Guard 1: Plus he carries that fuckin' stick around.

Guard 2: Wait, what does the stick have to do with it?

Guard 1: That's an elf thing. Y'know, trees and shit? Very elfy.

Librarian: Ok, look, but his parents naming him "Stick Elf" would be weird whether or not he's an elf. In fact, it's even weirder if he's not - what human names their kid "elf"?

Archivist: Huh. Yeah, you're right, he probably does have another name.

Guard 2: Yeah, I guess so.

Librarian: He's been coming here for decades and nobody's ever asked his real name?

Archivist: I dunno what to tell you, he's Stick Elf. Even his library card just says 'Stick Elf'.

Guard 1: Fuck yeah, the Stick Elf!

Guard 2: Maybe we could, like, ask him his name sometime?

Guard 1: Hey, look, Elrond's over there. He's old as balls too, maybe he knows?

Guard 2: Oh, we shouldn't interru-

Guard 1: HEY ELROND, YOU'RE OLD AS BALLS, RIGHT? WHAT'S THAT OLD ELF WITH THE STICK'S NAME?

Elrond (coming over): Do you mean an old man cloaked all in grey and blue, leaning on a rough-cut staff, who came to the great library this day?

Guard 1: Yeah, the Stick-Elf!

Guard 2: (Sorry to bother you, sir...)

Librarian: He's got to have a real name besides 'the Stick Elf', right?

Elrond: Indeed, for no elf is he. You speak of the wizard Olórin, wisest of the Maiar, older even than Eä itself. Many are his names in many countries: Tharkûn among the Dwarves; Incánus to the south; Mithrandir he is called among my people, the Grey Pilgrim.

Librarian: Oh.

Elrond: And here in the North he is called Stick-Elf.

Librarian: Oh.

Guard 1: Fuck yeah!

[secondbeatsongs]

Food Crime: Frosty the Slawman

so a while ago, I saw this photo going around on tumblr:

at first, I thought this was photoshopped. I mean, "welcome new man in your life"? that feels like a translation error, or someone being silly on purpose.

but guess what! turns out, Frosty Slaw Man is real!

and soon...he will be mine. let's get cooking

(full disclosure: I crafted this snowman and took notes about it over a year ago. and then, like with many things in my life, I forgot about him, and let him drift into the ADHD void of Things I'm Not Currently Staring At, where object permanence is tentative and largely unrealized.

but here we are! and here he is: the slaw man. it's time to share him with you, so that you can suffer as I have suffered, and/or rejoice in my gelatin creation!)

so this recipe photo originally came from Mid-Century Menu (archive link), a blog that seems like one after my own heart, and which once tried to make the Slaw Man (with not much success; but we'll get back to that)! but it's not just that blog that has copies of this ad. I also found it on reddit, and in a few different places on ebay!

lookit that guy! he's a real guy!

both the reddit post and some of the ebay listings say that this is from 1963 (though I haven't been able to figure out which magazines it was printed in, to confirm this for myself). but in looking this up, I discovered something else fun! there's another version of this ad!

Best Foods is what Hellmann's stuff is called on the west coast, and the "this is no place for second best" thing makes a lot more sense when you consider that the ad was probably made for Best Foods first, and then just reused and rebranded for the east coast

the more you know!

anyway the benefit of finding this alternate ad is that the scan on this image is a lot clearer, and so the recipe is more readable! and in looking at it, I've realized something important:

when Mid-Century Menu tried this recipe, they got an ingredient amount wrong.

when they made their beloved Slaw Man, they had the water amount written down as 1/4 cup, but looking at this scan up close, it is actually 3/4 cup of water! something that might make a significant difference, considering we're working with gelatin!

(there's also another change I want to make compared to what they did, when I do this recipe. but we'll get into that in a sec.)

for now: we begin

so. there's no way I'm making a Slaw Man this large. I am just one person, and considering the ingredients of this, I don't think I'm going to be able to consume that much Slaw.

two entire heads of cabbage? three pounds of cottage cheese, a thing that I don't even like to eat? no. that's a bad idea.

so I'm starting small here and making this 1/3 the size of the original:

2 packets of unflavored gelatin 1/4 cup cold water 1 cup mayo 1 tsp salt 1lb cottage cheese 4 cups shredded cabbage

surely this will result in a reasonable amount of Man

...okay, I started chopping the cabbage thinking it would be easier, but I've given up and pulled out a grater. this is much better! and somehow more violent (affectionate)

the recipe says to soften the gelatin in cold water, and then stir over hot water until it's dissolved. I'm going to assume "stir over hot water" means a double boiler, so let's do that

hmmm, the gelatin is very foamy? it’s melted, but the bottom of the pot feels really....sticky

okay. after a couple minutes more and no change, I’m calling this good enough.

so one thing that others who have attempted this recipe have not taken into consideration is the cottage cheese. you see, the others used normal cottage cheese, but the recipe says to use "cottage cheese, cream style"

I’ll be real, I’m not 100% what that means, since we don’t have that here. but I can take an educated guess! so let’s blend the cottage cheese!

(with an immersion blender. I am not willing to wash an actual blender because of this)

mmm, yes. very smooth

...actually. why isn't all cottage cheese like this? the thing I hate about cottage cheese is the texture, so why isn't it all smooth and creamy like this?? I could eat this!!

a new discovery is made every day in this house.

okay, time to start mixing things together.

ah, frosty. I opened a whole new thing of mayo for you! do you feel special?

(I'd make a "pre-dinner snack?" joke, but sometimes I think I'm the only one that remembers Regular Ordinary Swedish Meal Time)

okay, the mayo, cottage cheese, and salt have been added to the gelatin. but as this cools, the texture is getting...hmm. less than appealing.

lastly: the cabbage

oh. oh this is not very nice

next it says to pack the "salad" into a one pound container, and two six-cup bowls, but since I made this recipe so much smaller, I'm going to uhhhh. uh. find some bowls that seem like they'd be correct...snowman? proportions?

ah. this bowl is too big.

hey, these'll work!

now I just have to let them chill for a while, and continue another day.

(edit from current!me: ahhh oh my god I forgot this was pretty soon after we adopted Jackie! look at these cat pics that I took while I was food crime-ing!

look at them having their little interactions! Knuckles was trying so hard to be friends with her! I love them)

hello! two days later and we are ready to assemble the slawman. and my sibling has started referring to him as "frosty: attorney at slaw", so that's fun.

I've done a thing where, as these set, I flipped them around in the bowl so that hopefully they'd be more round. we'll see if they actually stay like this.

I have also made some decorations for him out of peppers, olives, and carrots!

let's build our boy

oh he's so heavy. and wobbly

no no no he almost fell over!!

okay. he's fine. but more skewers were needed.

and...okay. he is complete.

behold!

gaze upon my beautiful man!

(he is not structurally sound! he wobbles unsteadily as I rotate him! there are already cracks forming in the gelatin around where his arms are! don't worry about it!)

 now it's time to stab him

and...to devour him

this tastes like...a bland coleslaw? and not even that. it's just sort of a salty, cottage cheese-y cabbage. the ingredients don't combine to become something greater, they simply...sit there. like this.

and the texture is...mmm. it's not a jello kind of texture, but it is a bit squashy in a way that's mildly strange.

it's very creamy once it softens in your mouth.

...I don't like this!

and look! taking just that one chunk from him was enough to destabilize him entirely :(

RIP frosty. now I just have to see if I can eat all of you before you go bad.

(note from current!me: I could not.

 I ate maybe half of him over the course of many days, often adding other stuff to him to try to add some flavor: bacon, frozen peas, cheese, etc. but even with that, I just couldn't stomach him.

after a while I stuck what was left of him in the freezer, hoping that maybe I'd find the will to consume the rest of him some other day.

do you know what a frozen-and-then-thawed mixture of cabbage, cottage cheese, mayo, and gelatin looks and tastes like?

bad. the answer is: bad.

I threw him out pretty quickly after thawing him.

do not try this recipe at home)

[digi-diareis]

"We need to talk" Prank

with the LaDS love interests, implied that the LI's are already in a relationship w you

Xavier

Oh he's pulling out the puppy dog eyes immediately, lower lip jutting out and ready to start crying.

"I'm sorry." "What? Do you even know what you're apologizing for? Also, why are you apologizing?"

This guy is ready to admit to any and all the faults he's made the past week, from cooking without permission, eating her secret stash of snacks, forgetting to feed the cat on time, etc.

"Please don't break up with me, please please please please-" "Xavi, baby, calm down, I'm not breaking up with you"

Anyways, the prank doesn't even last a minute because you break the moment he pulls out the kicked puppy look and he starts begging for you.

You guys end up cuddling the entire day because he won't stop sulking and being worried that you're tired of him so you can't really leave him alone because this is your fault.

We love a loser like Xavi <3

Rafayel

Dramatic ass man and pranks like these are like perfect tiktok material.

"Oh, you are NOT breaking up with me. I don't give you permission to." "I don't recall breaking up having to need permission from both parties." "Well, now you know."

Anyways, you're both just bickering over stupid shit now. You've strayed from the "we need to talk" to now pointing fingers at who's the bigger drama queen between the two of you.

Zayne

Oh sweet summer child, takes you very seriously.

"What is it, love? Did I do something to upset you?"

Oh, you just know how guilty you'll end up feeling when you keep up with the prank. You last a solid 3 sentences before you slowly turn quiet because he's listening so patiently and looks like he's truly reflecting on everything you've said.

"Okay, I'm sorry it was a stupid prank but I can't stand looking at you this guilty. You've been nothing but an absolute sweetheart, I could never ask for more."

Zayne sighs, relieved that it wasn't actually something major.

"Please, try not to do pranks like these again. I love you but the way my heart dropped when you said those words is not healthy."

You give him a big hug and lots of smooches to make it up to him, vowing never to do pranks like these on him again.

Sylus

Oh, you are looking forward to this. There's a power trip of sorts when you remember how much power you actually hold over this man. And this is perfect.

Some say this might be a red flag of yours but you're dating a wholeass criminal big boss so it's not really that big of a deal.

When you start the prank, he raises an eyebrow. Feeling like it might be a prank since he did spoil you and didn't do anything to piss you off recently.

"And what is it this time, sweetheart?"

Okay ngl, I think this prank goes way too far because he would correct / contradict / defend every single reason and excuse you come up with. That it just becomes a wholeass debate of whether you even have an actual reason to be unsatisfied with your relationship.

At the end of it all, you are breathless and out of excuses. So you just glare at him. Sylus simply smirks knowing he won this 'argument'.

"I'll get you someday, look forward to the day that you're begging for me on your knees." "Oh sweetheart, I'd get on my knees for you anytime, if you just asked."

Caleb

You feel like this might be the worst idea you've ever had, knowing full well how possessive Caleb can get but anything for the gram or whatever the kids say.

"Say that again, buttercup? I think I misheard you."

Oh, the way his voice dropped an entire octave got you both nervous and also maybe turned on?

You try to be strong and push through, repeating what you said.

"Sure, we can talk. Did I do something wrong? Did I upset you? Did you find out about the hidden cameras? Is it the new guy at work, did he give you any ideas? I knew I shouldn't have stopped at a few broken ribs-" "CALEB WHAT THE FUCK"

Prank is forgotten, you are now giving him an hour long sermon about hidden cameras and not beating up every man who has any interaction with you.

What you say is definitely passing through the other ear for him, he's just pleased he managed to distract you from the original topic. Its better that you feel responsible for correcting him and being stuck with him rather than you getting sick and tired of him.

Caleb - 1 : You - 0

(i tried my best but i feel like these are very ooc aaaaaaa)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

barely alternate version of that billions 4x12 scene

[gloomwitchwrites]

How about some silliness.....reader/you is superrr drunk from a night out with friends or high from anesthesia and the guys are trying to take care of them and we are all like "get your hands off me or my husband will kick you ass!" Or "omg you're so hot are you single??"...and they are just dying laughing like "I am your husband!"

I just watched one too many tik toks of this 😂🤣

Oh, I love this. I don't think I've actually seen these videos before (at least on TT) but I do know what you're talking about. Maybe I've seen it more in other media? Like movies and television? Anyway, I understand what you're asking for, so I hope you enjoy what I've cooked up!

For the masterlist and how to submit your own request, click HERE

Task Force 141 x Female Reader

Content & Warnings (MDNI): swearing, established relationship, fluff, mild alcohol use, shenanigans due to drunkenness & anesthesia

Word Count: 800

ao3 // main masterlist // imagines & what if masterlist

John Price

John stands beside you on the passenger side of the car. The car door is open, and all you need to do is slide inside. Instead, you’re arguing with him, insisting that you can get in yourself, and that you don’t need help.

“You just had surgery,” chides John.

“Minor surgery,” you correct.

“It’s still surgery.” John sighs, and then places his hand on your back. “Let me help you.”

“Hands off, sir. You’re not my husband.”

John does not move his hand. “I don’t remember us getting a divorce, love.”

You wave him off and John snorts. “He’ll kick your ass,” you insist. “Punch you right in the nose.”

John’s stern demeanor cracks, dissolving into a wide smile and a soft chuckle. He shakes his head in disbelief. “I’m your bloody husband. You’re stuck with me. Forever.”

“I’m serious,” you say. Turning, you attempt to jab him in the chest with your finger. Everything tilts, and you only hit air.

John sighs, exasperated. “Get in the car, love.”

“No,” you groan, pushing at his chest. You surrender to him, allowing John to help you into the front passenger seat.

“I hope you remember this after the drugs wear off.”

John "Soap" MacTavish

You’ve been out with your friends all evening, and you have no idea what times it is. It’s dark, and you didn’t leave until the bar closed, forcing you to make an exit. Someone called for a car, and you all piled in, dropping each of off one by one.

As you enter the dark bedroom, you kick off your shoes, slightly stumbling to turn on the bedside light. You turn it on, and immediately wince. Vision swimming, you rub at your eyes, and then notice the massive lump in your bed.

“Turn off the bloody light, will you?” mumbles Johnny.

A devious plan forms in your head.

You climb onto the bed, crawling toward him. Noticing, Johnny turns toward you, eyes dreary with sleep.

“What?” he asks just before you flop your entire body onto him.

“Hi,” you whisper.

“Hi,” he deadpans.

You wiggle over him, pressing the tip of your nose against his. “You seeing anyone, handsome?”

Johnny arches an eyebrow. “Did you hit your head or something? I am your husband.”

“Lucky me.”

Johnny blows raspberries. With one good shove, he flips you onto your back on your side of the bed.

“Go to bed. You’re drunk.”

Simon "Ghost" Riley

Your liquor-addled brain tells you to do it.

Across the bar is danger, the kind you want to play with—to sink your teeth into. Why resist temptation when it’s clear that the masked man across the bar can’t seem to take his eyes off you? Every time you glance in his direction, his gaze is focused and intense, daring you to approach him.

Which is exactly what you do.

He follows your every step, even if there is a slight sway in the way you walk. As you approach, he leans back in his chair, legs widening as if in welcome. It’s easy to reach out, to place your hand on his shoulder, to straddle his thighs, and stare into his eyes.

“You’ve been staring at me all night,” you slur. “Plan on going home with anyone?”

“I am,” the masked man replies.

“And who might that be?”

“My wife.”

You turn in his lap, looking around at all the other patrons in the bar. “Don’t see her.”

“Course you don’t,” he chuckles. “Because she’s sitting in my lap.”

You blink. “Is she?”

“You’re my wife,” he whispers.

“I am…aren’t I?”

He shakes his head. “I’m cutting you off.”

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

The alcohol is an enabler. You shouldn’t have had as many drinks as you did, but this is a party, and you’re not the one driving.

Why not have a bit of fun?

“Hi.”

Kyle arches an eyebrow. “Hi,” he replies, drawing out the greeting in slight confusion.

You cozy up next to him, shoulder brushing against shoulder.

“So,” you begin, head tilting toward him like you’re about to whisper all your secrets. “I’m going to be a bit bold…”

“Go on.”

“But I think you’re cute. Wanted to know if you’re seeing anyone.”

Kyle’s single raised eyebrow becomes two. There’s a long pause, so long that you notice the absence of conversation.

Kyle’s confusion cracks, becoming a wide smile, followed by his adorable, familiar laughter. “You’re taking the piss, love.”

“I’m not joking.”

He laughs harder, clutching his chest like he can’t breathe.

“I’m your husband,” he manages to say between wheezing breaths.

“I know,” you reply. “Just checking to make sure you’re still loyal.”

He waves his hand in the air before him. “You’ve had enough. Give me that.” He plucks your beverage right out of your hands.

“Excuse me,” you protest, but Kyle is already downing it.

taglist:

@glitterypirateduck @km-ffluv @tiredmetalenthusiast @miaraei @cherryofdeath

@fern-reads @tulipsun-flower @miss-mistinguett @ninman82 @eternallyvenus

@beebeechaos @smileykiddie08 @whisperwispxx @chaostwinsofdestruction @weasleytwins-41

@saoirse06 @glassgulls @ravenpoe67 @sageyxbabey @mudisgranapat

@lulurubberduckie @leed-bbg @yawning-grave81 @azkza @nishim

@voids-universe @iloveslasher @talooolaaloolla @sadlonelybagel @haven-1307

@itsberrydreemurstuff @z-wantstowrite @keiva1000 @littlemisscriesherselftosleep @blackhawkfanatic

@sammysinger04 @kylies-love-letter @dakotakazansky @suhmie @kadeeesworld

@keiva1000 @jackrabbitem @arrozyfrijoles23 @lovely-ateez @waves-against-a-cliff

@ash-tarte @marispunk @gingergirl06 @certainlygay @greeniegreengreen

[astonmartinii]

the king of monza can do what he wants | charles leclerc social media au

pairing: charles leclerc x fem alonso!reader

the king of monza can win the race, have his relationship exposed and challenge his soon-to-be father-in-law to a duel, he can do what he wants.

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

oscarpiastri

liked by olliebearman, danielricciardo and 432,095 others

tagged: lilyzneimer, yourusername, charles_leclerc

oscarpiastri: double header means we crashed on my adoptive parents' couch and forced them to cook for me (only y/n, obviously)

view all comments

user1: does he know this isn't his private account?

user2: SHUSH DON'T TELL HIM

user3: we need to enjoy this while it lasts

jackdoohan: oscar, there's still time to delete this

oscarpiastri: why would i delete this?

oscarpiastri: oh

oscarpiastri: oh no

jackdoohan: you might want to warn your kinda dad you've exposed the identity of your kinda mum as your kinda grandad is probably putting out a hit on him as we speak

fernandoalo_oficial: don't call me a grandad 👿🤬😡😠💢😤

jackdoohan: OSCAR QUICK HE'S DISCOVERED EMOJIS HE MUST BE REALLY MAD

user4: fernando, are you okay?

fernandoalo_oficial: i want that frenchies head on a stick

charles_leclerc: i am monegasque!

fernandoalo_oficial: so you do actually want to die?

yourusername: okay let's calm down old man

fernandoalo_oficial: SILENCE I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! THAT'S THE MAN?

yourusername: yes!

fernandoalo_oficial: no.

charles_leclerc: i object!

lancestroll: his eye hasn't stopped twitching since

charles_leclerc: i don't care! he might be crazy but I'M IN LOVE SO BRING IT OLD MAN

user5: wtf have i woken up to this morning

user6: the public execution of the prince of monaco

yourusername: just because he has a samurai tattoo doesn't mean he knows how to use a sword

fernandoalo_oficial: i will tear him apart with my bare hands

user7: i fear this comment section alone has undone all of his funky grandad tiktok PR

user8: he's going to make charles cry in the press conference

yourusername: oh well, charlie is hot when he cries

user9: and how do you know that...

yourusername: that's none of your business 😈

yourusername

liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1 and 2,312,088 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

yourusername: italy has my heart and so do you <3

view all comments

user11: queen got exposed and immediately started flexing her unbelievably sexy bf

yourusername: why wouldn't i? he's so damn FINE

charles_leclerc: teehee (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

user12: you might as well have told me to kill myself

fernandoalo_oficial: enjoy your weekend charles, it will be your last

charles_leclerc: and if i win? i think suspended sentence?

fernandoalo_oficial: @carlossainz55 i have a proposition for you

yourusername: why are we acting like he wouldn't do that for free

carlossainz55: excuse me?

yourusername: i'm calling you a jealous bitch xx

carlossainz55: what is your price nando?

fernandoalo_oficial: i'm not fucking paying you, i was assuming you'd do it in a jealous rage anyway

carlossainz55: ???

user13: the way carlos is being jumped from both sides unprovoked

user14: which ever alonso it is, they choose violence

oscarpiastri: so ... am i off the hook yet?

yourusername: you know we can't say no to you

fernandoalo_oficial: oscar you might actually be my favourite now, thank you for bringing this to my attention

oscarpiastri: sure i'll take it!

charles_leclerc: you can have my heart and everything else for as long as you want

yourusername: looks like you'll never get it back ;)

charles_leclerc: that's fine by me if i get to spend it with you

yourusername: i love you :P

charles_leclerc: i love you more ( > 〰 < )♡

fernandoalo_oficial

liked by jensonbutton, aussiegrit and 1,209,566 others

fernandoalo_oficial: cash prize for anyone who can actually track down this little rat - i just want to talk i swear

view all comments

user15: it's official everyone, he's gone crazy

user16: as crazy as he is at least he's bringing the DRAMA 🤩

yourusername: this isn't very peace and love of you

fernandoalo_oficial: that has never been the way in this family

fernandoalo_oficial: but let me make this clear, i mean in a destroy all of your enemies way rather than a jos verstappen way

maxverstappen1: ???

yourusername: destroying our enemies does not mean you can do your best jos verstappen impression and drive your aston martin into charles

fernandoalo_oficial: don't be stupid y/n, the aston martin is too slow, i'm going to steal his brakes

yourusername: and how will you do that boomer

fernandoalo_oficial: ferrari are stupid they probably still haven't changed the passwords or locks since i left

yourusername: @scuderiaferrari excuse me???

scuderiaferrari: ....

user17: so like this is a genuine hit?

user18: mob boss!fernando alonso you are so special to me

user19: sorry charles but it's so sexy

charles_leclerc: drop the address senor i'm not scared of you

lancestroll: he brought the samurai sword btw

yourusername: @f1 DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE ANY SECURITY MEASURES ???

f1: it made a good tiktok 👍

yourusername: you people are useless

charles_leclerc: no worries my love it's all under control

fernandoalo_oficial: i will carve you like a christmas turkey

yourusername: you go anywhere near charles with that sword we're both going romeo and juliet style

user20: what on earth is going on

user21: just smile and wave i think we're watching collective hysteria

f1

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri and 3,562,778 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

f1: CHARLES LECLERC WINS FOR FERRARI AT MONZA

view all comments

user23: bro heard fernando was gonna steal his brakes and simply just drove so fast he didn't need them

user24: he was like 'oh you want my head on a stick? TRY AND CATCH ME'

yourusername: pretty boy is so so talented it's not fair

yourusername: who am i kidding

yourusername: STUNT ON THOSE HOES I LOVE YOU BABY

charles_leclerc: thank you baby, i simply had to drive so fast so i could give you a kiss

charles_leclerc: and also so i could tell your dad to SUCK ON THAT OLD MAN

user25: he's had too much champagne and might actually get himself killed

user26: i will throw myself in front of that sword for him

yourusername: you and me too buddy - i'll cover your drinks for this evening

fernandoalo_oficial: i still want him dead

charles_leclerc: what the fuck do you want from me? i just won? did you see that freak of an orange car? i look after your daughter like i looked after those tyres

yourusername: so romantic 🤭

fernandoalo_oficial: he just compared you to tyres? have some standards i raised you better?

yourusername: believe me, i do have standards - he's special xx

fernandoalo_oficial: i also won monza with ferrari he's not that special

user27: at least he's stopped with the samurai sword talk?

user28: he did say he still wants him dead though

maxverstappen1: @yourusername why couldn't you have dated lando? would've made this championship a lot easier

landonorris: HUH?

yourusername: please refer to my previous comment about standards

charles_leclerc: hehehehehe

landonorris: HUH???

charles_leclerc

liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1 and 4,523,099 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: grazie mille tifosi !! this is for you and all of your support. i'm glad my family and my love were here to see this win as well. fernando, bring your sword, i'll fight for your daughter's hand.

view all comments

user29: i love this family and i've known them a week

user30: fernando might have to go through me as well at this point

yourusername: i love you so much and you have deserved this and more for so so long xx

charles_leclerc: i couldn't do it without you (and our weird little grid family)

yourusername: you're my favourite person in the world and i just love to see you happy

charles_leclerc: you make me the happiest man in the world

yourusername: i love you

charles_leclerc: i love you too

user31: as cute as all this is ^^ where is this duel

user32: can someone PLEASE STREAM IT !!!!! I WILL PAY

user33: I NEED IT I NEED IT

fernandoalo_oficial: come outside

lancestroll: he spent all of the debrief sharpening the sword btw

charles_leclerc: i'm ready girlypop

fernandoalo_oficial: GIRLYPOP ???

yourusername: PEACE AND LOVE BOZO

maxverstappen1: can we get this show on the road please?

lewishamilton: charles please hurry up i've got some serious cash on this tussle

yourusername: how much we talking?

charles_leclerc: i might die and you're checking the wager?

yourusername: because i have faith in you !!!!

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, fernandoalo_oficial and 2,136,344 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

yourusername: he's alive and he's a winner! the king of monza can do what he wants

view all comments

user35: prince of monaco? king of monza? bro is collecting titles

yourusername: my husband next 🤞🏻

charles_leclerc: bet

user36: is ANYONE GOING TO TELL US WHAT HAPPENED IN THE DUEL

georgerussell63: it was extremely unprofessional and there will be an extensive powerpoint covering how this won't happen again

fernandoalo_oficial: i'll fight you next time george

user37: don't go off TOPIC

charles_leclerc: i out strategised him lol

oscarpiastri: what he means is that he surprised fernando from behind and wouldn't stop hugging him until he agreed that he wouldn't skewer him like a kebab

charles_leclerc: and it worked! now look he's on my boat giving me his blessing

user38: you're telling me charles hugged his way out of the conflict?

user39: perhaps the most babygirl he's ever been

user40: we need the pictures SHOW IT TO ME RACHEL

fernandoalo_oficial: fine, i guess he's okay. i'm not calling him the king of monza though

yourusername: i knew you'd come around

fernandoalo_oficial: i love my daughter SORRY

yourusername: don't lie to me you only calmed down and accepted it because i called in the reinforcements

user41: i'm crying she called babysitters for her dad

yourusername: jenson and mark, idk how you deal with him

jensonbutton: the stress of him and his antics keep me skinny

aussiegrit: i think we're all trauma bonded

charles_leclerc: i'll be the king of monza, if you'll be my queen

charles_leclerc: and i will continue to do what i want

yourusername: i'll be your queen anywhere you want

yourusername: and if doing what you want includes fighting my dad... let's turn it down a lil

charles_leclerc: for you, i'll do anything

fin.

note: here yall go - this was in my drafts half done from monza weekend but life got crazy