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ozfi · 1 month ago

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Ryuki thoughts compiled

background and wishes

sudo: a detective, allegedly, in the past running unsavory criminal practices with kaga-san. kaga asks for a larger cut, so sudo plasters him into a wall. enthralled by the idea of "standing at the top" as a rider

kitaoka: crooked embezzling lawyer in it for money and status. flirts with women while gay married. shame. wish is to live forever. cure his illness. he is afraid of death

shinji: found deck by chance, and became a rider to find the truth. to protect people. her wish became to seal the mirror world and end the rider fight.

ren: bad attitude, only made enemies. cute girlfriend tho. eri was sacrificed on kanzaki's experiment and only clings to life. Ren fights for the possibility of reviving her, instead of taking his anger out on kanzaki. p hateable tho imo.

shibaura: cunty gamer businessman who takes over OREJournal to imitate the rider fight as a game between normies, to control their hearts. son of president shibaura. nepobaby rampage

tezuka: fortune teller who wants to change the fates of the riders, kanzaki himself, and... pride

asakura: violent crimnal who joins to get himself out of an earned sentence and enact his hatred upon the world that "looks down on him". finds his jacket in an american war store. cops piss him off because they have authority over him

satoru: wants to be a hero, wans to prove his brand of forced heroism is correct above all others. wants to win the rider fight to become a true hero

sano-kun: "I'm unlucky." Bitch. doesn't care about other's lives, just his next paycheck. Temporarily embarassed nepobaby. his wish may have been to be "happy", but it was actually to have a literally richer life

kanzaki: abused child who exists just to keep his sister alive. is willing to do whatever it takes to achieve this.

look at all the drama. is it worth it?

eri in this post is dead in the sense of deadwifisms i know she was just in a coma (that is to be elaborated on) - also what the fuck ren (i know why) and despite (no. because of this) ren is not man enough. he is weak, so he runs to something worse, which is asakura. at this point, manhood is all he has. he literally lashes out at shinji for suggesting there may be another way. ren sets asakura on shinji because he can't kill him himself. and asakura continues to be a force of this ... raw masculinity in how it relates to violence. he is "free", but he's being chased down by the police and has been forced into hiding despite his newfound power. when ren realizes this fact about him, that he has no noble reason for being part of the fight, he just craves the system's violence, he wonders how he could ever, even briefly, have wanted to be like asakura. asakura is the epitome of what's going on in the rider war.

he's so perfect for it that kanzaki specifically hunted him down to speed the fight up. is that what you want to be, ren? of course when shinji comes to take ren's motivation seriously, this choice bites ren right in the ass! you wanted asakura to kill shinji for you? so you didn't have to? because asakura is more contemptable? someone you would rather kill?

shinji may not understand whats going on yet exactly, but she wants to take all of it as seriously as possible. she's not trying to understmine anyone's feelings, and by taking the fight seriously, it gets easier to see why one's desperation may take hold to such an extent. to understand the underlying mechanisms. See Post Above. Look at all the drama.

"why is shinji eris standin. already. LOL." nobody knows rens fighting for eri. but kitaoka knows ren is "sacrificing for someone else", especially by contrasting that with the fact he, kitaoka, only fights for himself, and thats what makes him strong. (except he does love his gorochan 🙄). tezukas constantly calling ren out on caring about shinji despite (or because of) his silences and self-flagellation, which is the same way ren acts abt eri, minus being a tsundere asshole. only shinji gets that, tho id Love to see how ren acted when he and eri met. asakura knows (now, at least) that while ren was trying to get him to fight shinji, ren got directly involved and saved her instead. every other rider thinks rens a gay idiot also. for shinji. its like every other rider can see it except ren.

this part is also the second instance of ren bringing up a debt to indicate he cares about someone, in this case its that he owes shinji, but isnt going to let shinjis debt be repaid so simply. (what would tie them together at this point otherwise)

shinji decides its better to go from the outside and attempt to change the other riders as people as opposed to changing them as riders, which id say even at this point is already in the works because of a certain akiyama beside her. that empathy does not exist in anyone else. even though ren's change inspired this. not even a slightly more outwardly kind ren can see this working, only shinji. notably, yui has the same idea.

the time vent episode is great even beyond the obvious because it shows kanzakis motivations very clearly. the card is used after reiko discovers shiros face in a security tape and tells yui shiro died last year, in america. so maybe, one might come to the conclusion that kanzaki wants to make sure reiko doesnt find that out OR so she doesnt tell yui even if she does, and yui doesnt have to know the truth about shiro (preferably ever). but you find out at the end of the episode it was never about that, despite him saying so ("As long as you never find out the truth.") the episode before. it was about a single drawing from their childhood that had gotten wet after yui knocked over a full vase. what ryuki tells us with this one move is what shiro is fighting for is not yui as she exists now. what shiro is fighting for is yui as she existed in their childhood. he is willing to do anything to... turn back the clock, one could say. he is chasing a decade old memory and is trapped in the past while trying to keep control of the future.

but going back to earlier, in regards to asakura being the pinnacle of male violence, saving mika, regardless of reasoning, proves he is not a monster though he never was, he's just as human as any of the others, of course. hes literally never been a mindless animal. she is the only one that did not survive the first trip, and he stayed with her the entire time and did not attack her. again, the reason doesnt matter here: even the worst people can have their good points. people are not black and white. later, he even proves to have some sort of honor in regards to who and what and when he attacks, at least when it comes to the rider battle. like shinji says, nobody is better off dead. this, too, is the ethos of ryuki.

Tell me more about how your dead girlfriend hates cycles you can't get off, Ren.

ren asking to fight shinji immediately after shiro uses eri's health (and fucking bugging him again, jackass) to get him to fight more- so ren doesnt get so attached to shinji he runs the risk of waking up one day and realizing he cant even bear to lift his sword against her anymore. and the worst part is, in rens eyes, theres no possible way their friendship could ever end well. but to shinji, who believes in a way out, even if she can't quite see exactly what it is yet (though she tries so hard to get there, to that unknowable future) she tries so hard to be not only ren's friend but everyone elses, even in the depths of their despair. and this is after ren talks about eri being afraid of the people she loves vanishing on the merry-go-round, where his urgency to fight leaves yui left behind. so blinded by his fear and the cycle telling his ass to get a move on. yui may be an adult to him, but yui is shiro's eri, and still someone ren cares about, it's just another way that the rider battle steps all over Eri's (and Yui's, and...!) desire for peace.

back to the deadwifisms: it IS actually important that eri was just in a coma and not actually dead, because it means there was a chance of her waking up before the time limit passed, without ren becoming the embodiment of The Thing That Killed Her. he also has to go greet her, newly awakened, covered in blood and injuries badly taken care of, so even if he runs from her he cant hide what he chose to do against her wishes. (the deadness comes also from the doctors anticipating her dying in her coma.) and now that what ren was fighting for came true before the timer, he has to keep fighting anyway to keep darkwing from eating him (which is such a metaphor. buying into the cycle of violence means breaking from it is not so easy, what a concept)

she does note his expression has gotten kinder, but who is the one who made him softer? and even then, hes not communicating anything to that person or yui. even if hes changed, its not nearly enough to save him from the cycle.

the show also constantly displays that normal people can see whats going on in the mirror world, and that means all of this goes on right under everyone's noses. these systems and cycles repeat because nobody looks hard enough. nobody digs deep enough to realize whats going on underneath (luckily OREjournal is on the case!)

the trolley problem is bullshit, also. in general, but also in this case. if yui died, shiro could bring her back any number of ways, from time vent to the rider battle wish. not that the 401 lab knows that... but this is used further to combat shinjis idealism: "Those who don't have the courage to risk something shouldn't be riders." why is risking her life not enough? why should she have to have some grand ideal? is valuing human life not enough?

in this way tojo works as a good foil to shinji, in that he takes every lesson in so-called heroism and tries to forcefully became a hero by checking off guidelines. hes trying to do what he thinks is right, sure. but so is everyone. again, why is his wish more important than anyone else's? shinji doesnt want anything except for the fighting to stop. shinji wants to save everyone she can, is a hero by accident. she is magnetic even while being called an idiot. but people dont like satoru. the only person who really did to any degree was kagawa, and satoru killed him with his own hands.

and then sano for ren. sano got his wish before the battle ended, and he thought he could just leave (ren was never under this assumption). sano thought this was all a game, where it never was for ren. even after eri woke up, it was life for death. but this is another person who was drawn in when he should have just been patient and waited things out instead of immediately jumping into the easy way out. should have let the future take its couse instead of rushing things with violence. but once you join, you cant leave so easily. it will not let you go, even if you make a hasty decision, or you were just playing around.

You are culpable of the violence you perpetuate, no matter the reason.

especially in satosano's cases. so killing people is how you become the person you want to be? so your wish is granted on its own and you immediately start treating others the way you didnt want to be treated? you "Just wanted to be happy"? BULLSHIT! when your happiness is predicated on using and abusing others, you dont get to ask what you did.

here is another instance of ren using debts to not admit he cares, also. he saves kitaoka instead of making the more "wise" decision of letting tojo kill him. kitaoka notices the illness is making him weaker, though he doesnt want to admit it. he muses on what ren's already left behind, that he wishes he were more like asakura. cold and unfeeling. but he doesnt hold onto this for long, instead subtly wishing goro would move on in anticipation of his upcoming death. he doesnt even really want to fight anymore, just feels the responsibility of asakura remaining in the fight- but goro doesnt want to leave kitaoka behind, or to leave his business unfinished in the wake of.

where satorus unthinking act of heroism saves a man and his child.

but shinji gets pushed to the brink finally, because of yuis impending death, and tries taking on anyone and everyone. ren, who she cant hurt. kitaoka, who doesnt want to. asakura, who she cant find. when shinji's not man enough, everyone tells her to be. but when she tries to be, everyone pities her and wont engage. why, when its what everyone wanted? why would nobody listen until she got pushed to the brink? (because you finally got through to them.)

but. she clears her head and comes back to herself. and shes the only one standing up for yui's wishes at the very end. that she deserves to live or die on her own terms, where ren is arguing being alive is more important than her wanting her to be. but you can see he always had compatibility with shinji's way of thinking, even if he was a silent brooding tsundere who never admitted it- once you die, its all over. and living means you have a future, even if you dont want to be alive. but shinji would rather her make her own choices with her own dignity, especially because theyve both wanted the fighting to stop this whole time. if this really does hinge on her, its her place to tell everyone to stop.

yui passes urging shiro to stop the violence.

shinji passes, finally having made up her mind on her wish. wanting to seal the mirror world, to end the violence, even if it means others cant fight for their desires. despite rens insistence she lives, that shes the only one who can end everything, she goes.

kitaoka passes, loved.

gorou passes, loving.

asakura goes down, and at least hes proudly himself.

ren fights for eri AND shinji at the end, the woman who inspired him to fight and the woman who inspired him to live, but dies without taking the wish at the very end, tearing the necklace of promise off his neck and giving eri their rings, dying next to her while she wakes up anyway.

and shiro doesnt want to let go, because in the end hes still that child who is begging for his sister to wake up, but she insists theyll always be together, and neither of them will never be alone again. so this time, they should draw a world without monsters, where everyone is happy and together.

and he grants her wish.

so. this is a show about wishes. about fate and defying it. about looking to the future instead of being stuck in the past. about grief and loss. about the cycles of violence that undercut our world, and the value of any human life not being greater or lesser than any other. the cast of ryuki are men who want some sort of power to live a life different than the one they have, and a spanner in the works who wants to remind them that a human life is a heavy price to pay for any wish. an anomaly that reminds them there is another way out. a girl who thinks harder than she believes, has a smile like the sun, and holds a heart bigger than the system can tolerate.

just live. dont try to take any others time away. through the stress and the worry, through all the bad and the end that comes for us all, why extend the pain with more strife? violence only leads to more violence. appreciate the time you have. try to imagine a kinder world instead, one where everyone can be happy.

#.txt #ryuki spoilers #a #did i forget anything. anythign im not going to make its own post

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pinktoonie · 2 years ago

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Haven't seen anyone talk about this so I will because to me it seems like the biggest obstacle in Rei and Kazuki's relationship and an important through line in the show.

Here comes a long, unpolished post.

As far as Miri goes, the family unit has been established and the two dads are settling in and relaxing into their roles almost a year into having Miri. Ep 7, 8, and 9 established that Kazuki, Rei, and Miri in that order respectively are in this family thing for life 100%.

But we still have 4 episodes left.

Obviously angst is coming, but along with that, Kazuki and Rei still need to address this barrier between them.

Listen to me. These lines from episode 3 have been nagging me since they were first said. They're IMPORTANT.

"I won't ask."

"I wouldn't tell."

The context here is Rei and Kazuki talking about their pasts. Whenever Kazuki brings up a tidbit about his past, Rei will agree if it also applies to him, but he will not elaborate, and Kazuki won't ask him to. Kazuki knows the gist about Rei's family. Who they are and what they do. He doesn't know how badly Rei was/is treated. He can see the scars. I doubt he's ever brought them up though.

"I won't ask."

"I wouldn't tell."

It's a constant in their relationship. But this lack of communication is problematic for two people who have decided to spend their lives together and raise a child.

Here's another example from episode 8

Rei here is bleeding from his forearm. The show even has him pose in a way to show us that it's clearly within Kazuki's line of sight.

But Kazuki doesn't ask. Because Rei wouldn't tell.

However concerned he may be, he doesn't bring it up. He doesn't know where Rei was that night or why he's injured. He can assume it had something to do with his family, which should be worrying in itself. Kazuki is endlessly patient and understanding, but that's not fair to him.

The show even makes it a point to bring this issue up again in the same episode:

So where do we go from here?

There will need to be a moment in the show, where Kazuki WILL ask, and Rei WILL tell.

Or Rei will just open up on his own without prompting. What Rei will tell Kazuki, we don't know, but it'll be something that matters. Something important.

What could it be?

My predictions:

Rei opens up about his past abuse in detail to Kazuki to fully make him understand what his father is capable of (because of the upcoming danger)

Kazuki gives Rei some sort of ultimatum, which results in Rei admitting something, whether that's "I love you", "I need you", or some sort of confirmation that he has no intention of leaving Kazuki's side, not just Miri.

They just have a moment where they open up to each other just because they're simply changing and comfortable enough to talk about the past now. "You didnt matter much to me" is the closest we've gotten.

A "what are we?" convo.

Regardless of the reason, narratively it will have to happen before Rei and Kazuki can move forward with their relationship, whatever that entails. But this lack of communication and vulnerability with each other is what's holding them back.

Lastly, this may be completely unrelated because the show is set in Japan but still caught my eye.

"I won't ask."

"I wouldn't tell."

Sounds a hell of a lot like the old, "Don't ask, don't tell" policy in the USA, which basically stated that non heterosexual members of the military must keep their damn mouth shut about their sexuality. No openly queer people.

Which if we apply it to Rei and Kazuki's unclear partnership... Fitting.

And also considering Rei's homophobic ass speech about carrying on the family and Kazuki sullying Rei's blood (which literally implies he thinks they're sleeping together because the only way to "sully blood" is through sexually transmitted infections), seems like the organization might've also had a sort of, don't ask don't tell policy.

I'm sure I've missed stuff, but these are the points that have been stuck in my brain. All in all, whatever this important thing that Rei will tell Kazuki is, it'll be the catalyst for taking their relationship to the next level of "partnership."

#buddy daddies #suwa rei #rei suwa #Kazurei #unasaka miri #Also please let them show some sort of physical affection toward each other after #Is a hug not reasonable and appeasing to everyone?#Doubt it'll get romantic since the title is called BUDDY and this is Japan and it's not a BL #I can dream though #Clown

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hargrove-mayfields · 11 months ago

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For ST Rarepair Roulette 💕 @st-rarepair-roulette

Word Count: ~5,000

Ships: Billy Hargrove x Chrissy Cunningham and Heather Holloway x Jason Carver.

Warnings: Implied/referenced child abuse, lots of arguing and misunderstandings, very mild references to sexual content.

~~~~~~

“No. Nope. I don’t believe that for one second.”

Gossip. That’s all it is. Heather and Chrissy laying on the former’s bed, legs up against the wall, long hair dangling over the opposite edge of the bed, exchanging silly gossip.

Never the mean kind, Chrissy won’t allow that, it’s mostly their respective crushes and fascinations from school they talk about.

Or specifically, lately how much Heather doesn’t like Chrissy’s taste in boys. Or anybody, for that matter. In her heart of hearts, she knows Heather is just protective.

Still, Chrissy tosses a little stuffed fuzzball of an animal at her friend for that comment, “Hetty! Rude!”

“Look I’m sorry, I just can’t believe that Hargrove has like, actual feelings. I don’t trust him.” Heather elaborates, through her laughter.

See, she’d say the same every time, they both know that. What matters is whether Chrissy is bold enough to go through with it. She never has been so far. It’s one thing to have a crush, but to have someone openly pining back, that’s something more rare.

An opportunity Chrissy wouldn’t like to lose just to please her best friend.

She’ll try to win her over, “One date won’t be bad.”

But Heather will make excuse after excuse, “Every girl says that before the worst night of her life.”

Chrissy rolls onto her front, sighing so heavily the weight of Heather’s mattress lifts up, like she’s turned to the most stressed little helium balloon and floated away. Maybe she did, off into her imagination, taking her common sense with her.

Maybe she’ll entertain Heather’s concerns, but only if they’re productive, “Well how did you know Jason was being genuine?”

Heather's boyfriend. Track and basketball star, high class social asshole. Chrissys has never been a fan, to be entirely honest. Her earliest memories of Jason Carver were of him shoving over smaller kids in their church group and treating every recess game as pro-level sports. She still doesn’t see what Heather finds so charming about him.

She hopes maybe he’d changed, assumes he’d have had to to win over a critical heart like the one guarded in Heather’s chest.

Oh but Heather gives no such benefit of the doubt to anybody else, “I /don’t/ know it. But /my/ boyfriend doesn’t run over innocent children in his free time.. or whatever the hell it is Billy Hargrove gets up to.”

Chrissy has to laugh at that, it's so absurd, “Oh- He does not! Billy’s /nice./”

“Prove it.” Heather challenges, popping a gum bubble between her teeth to assert her seriousness.

“Hetty.” Chrissy warns, uninterested in playing that game.

Her friend isn’t having it. Heather rolls her brown eyes with so much force she literally rolls over on the bed, sprawling out over top of Chrissy like a beloved golden retriever with no respect for sharing space. It’s always been comfortable with her, coexisting without regard to self consciousness and mothers opinions and Godly image. Probably why she lets Heather get away with being a little catty sometimes.

Like now, as she claims, “Oh come on. Make it a game, have some fun, but show me he’s genuine. Or else I’m kicking his ass.”

“Fine.” Chrissy wants to be stern, but she cracks a little smile, her real, bright one, “If I'm supposed to threaten to kick Jason’s butt, I don’t think I’d be able to.”

Heather hums in thought before presenting a solution, “I’ll do the ‘defending of our honor’ if you help me test Jay back.”

“Pinky promise you’ll be nicer to Billy once we get proof?”

“That’s /if/ we get proof, but you have my word.”

The deal is sealed. They lock pinky fingers, one soft pink nailed and one a flaming red shade. In the ten years they’d been friends since Heather joined their class in 1st grade, not a single pinky promise between them has been broken. It just isn’t done.

Admittedly, that’s a lot of pressure. Talking about cute boys doesn’t feel as fun anymore.

Chrissy’s fluttery feelings start to set in, fidgeting with her hands to hope to drive them off. If she had her bracelets on, she’d shake them and enjoy the way they ring from the hard plastics and metals banging together, but it’s late, she’s in her pjs without jewelry. She picks her nails instead.

Redirecting, Heather hands her a stuffed Winnie the Pooh, and asks a question she knows will catch her off guard, “Soooo. What are you gonna do?”

“Hetty, I haven’t had time to think!” Chrissy complains, squishing poor Pooh between her hands, choosing to abuse the stuffed toy with her anxiety instead of her own skin.

“Oh come on. What do boys care about? Cars, sex, and sports. Pick one and he’ll show his true colors.” Heather says it likes it’s all just so easy, and she already knows it all.

Chrissy isn’t as sure. She considers her options,

“Um, sports sounds the least dangerous.. maybe?”

“Until he tackles your little ass.” Heather points out.

There’s a moment where they both sort of stop moving. They both know what Heather is about to do, but Chrissy's defenses are useless to stop it. She scrunches her body up as tiny as can be, but Heather has pounced, poking her sides gently where she knows her friend is ticklish.

Chrissy used to get all self conscious when Heather would do things like that. Not just touching her skin, so close to where she feels her strongest insecurities, but even jokes, little digs that had nothing to do with Chrissy’s appearance would get her down.

They have Billy to thank for the change. Dating or not, William Hargrove isn’t one to hide his affections. Everyone knows he’s had a thing for Chrissy for a while. It’s deciphering whether he’s chasing tail, or chasing the sweet girl he’d shown enough interest in to replenish her view of herself, hung around and flirted and laughed with so freely it healed a part of her broken heart.

She thinks maybe repaying him a little would increase the chances of getting the ball rolling, and getting Heather’s trust. “What if I cheer special for him during one of his games?”

“Uh, no!” Heather shakes her head, rolled curls bouncing in their pillow curlers back and forth, ”That just makes /you/ public about it. And he can spin that if he’s being an ass for real.”

“But I don’t think-“ Chrissy starts to argue, brow knotted.

Heather holds one of her hands, showing she is doing this because she cares, even if she’s being a little harsh, “Honey, I know I’m a cynical bitch, but I don’t want to see you hurt. Save yourself the embarrassment.”

“I don’t- Heather, it’s not embarrassing to be in love!”

A gasp, slow realization dawning. “You’re right. Oh my god, Chrissy you’re so right!!”

Heather kicks her legs with glee, fuzzy slippers going flying. Right out of a movie, she squeals with delight, infecting Chrissy too with her sudden joy.

Chrissy giggles, going along with it, “I am?”

“Uh, yes! It’s perfect!” Heather scoots closer until they’re shoulder to shoulder, looking up at the ceiling together. She talks with her hands, like she’s painting the picture for her. “Don’t /cheer/ his name. /Wear/ it.”

Only, Chrissy doesn’t think she gets it, “...How?”

“His varsity jacket! If a boy gives you his varsity jacket, it’s serious business. They protect those damn things like a firstborn daughter. If you can get Billy to give you his jacket, you might as well be hitched!” Heather explains, a ball of enthusiasm.

Chrissy knows her longing heart starts racing, probably obvious to Heather too this close together, “You actually think that would work?”

Heather flips up so she’s sitting, burning some of her energy in her dramatic motions, “Duh! You show up to a game repping his varsity, baby, that deal is sealed. I’m talking a proposal at the end-zone. A wedding between quarters. I’m talkin’ baby-making under the bleachers-“

Chrissy, face as hot pink as her pj tank top, interrupts all that, “Okay! Okay. That’s… I get it.”

“Do I make you blush, fair lady?” Heather drawls, in an impression of a boy, eyebrow arched, chest puffed out, lips curled, her voiced dropped ridiculously deep-

Chrissy covers her face, trying desperately not to laugh at the ridiculous attempt, “Heatherrr!!”

Heather clutches her chest like she’s wounded, taking on a sort of accent almost from how badly she’s doing her impression, “Ah! My apologies, maiden. How ungentlemanly of me.”

“Nobody talks like that! /Billy/ doesn’t talk like that!!” Chrissy argues, though she giggles at the unseriousness of it all. So it took a while, but Heather always does know how to make her feel better.

They drop the boy talk for a while, choosing to sneak downstairs and grab some snacks at two in the morning once Heather’s parents were definitely asleep, coming back up with a strange homemade trail mix. Dark chocolate chips, raisins, pretzels, almonds and strawberries. Certainly nothing outside of Chrissy’s comfort zone, careful not to push the limits of her recovery, though it’ll probably give them both a stomachache in a few hours regardless.

Leaned against some bean bag chairs right under the open window, enjoying the birdsong and cricket chirps, they share their homemade creation, and better, more smiles and lighthearted stories. Like they used to, before highschool drama and all.

Nearing 4, Heather turns to her, uncharacteristically dead serious, and declares, “I hope he makes you this happy.”

The realness inspires Chrissy to do the prying now, switching roles, hoping her friend will open up to her in kind, “Does Jason make you happy?”

“/Jason/ does. Our parents practically arranging for us to be married from the time we were newborns, hm not so much.” Heather sighs, drawing her knees in. She doesn’t quite shut down, it’s more for comfort, self assurance, which Chrissy understands. She gives her space to collect her thoughts.

“He’s my guy best friend. And I love him. In more than the best friend way. It’d be stupid not to end up together. But god there’s so much pressure!”

“I think you should do the jacket thing too.” Chrissy offers carefully, “I’m doing it to prove /my/ date isn’t a one-hit creep. You can do it just to remind yourself why you love your boy. And that he loves you. ‘Cause I know he does, Heather. But I know you’re afraid he doesn’t.”

Heather has tears in her eyes and a sad smile when she looks at Chrissy, “What is with you quiet girls and secretly being psychics?”

Oh how Chrissy wished she truly were a psychic.

At the beginning, she wasn’t nervous at all. Her and Heather bullshitted all the time, it wasn’t anything serious. But they’re all four on a date, wandering downtown around the various second hand stores, a typical stop for one couple, and the complete opposite for the others.

Seemed as good a time as any to go through with their silly plan, it wasn’t like it would hurt anything. Except she’d tried all kinds of things to get Billy to give her his jacket, and so far, none of them worked even a little! Not browsing through a selection of jackets at the stores, not shivering dramatically, not clinging to his side either.

Chrissy felt a chip in her little heart every time, feeling like maybe Heather was right. All over a jacket. She’d have her heart broken for a little bit of wool and leather.

With her boyfriend's name on it. Her boyfriend who actually holds her hand, and tells her she’s pretty, and doesn’t creep his hands under his skirt constantly.

She doesn’t know if she could get over losing that.

Her gait down the strip is admittedly less spirited, lingering behind Heather and Jay, but Billy never leaves her behind. He engages her in conversation too, hair blowing all over the place around his face, “How the fuck do you go outside in this shit?”

Chrissy looks at him, wearing an amused little smile, “Like, ever?”

“Yeah /ever/, Princess.” Billy sarcastically, but lightheartedly bumps her shoulder lightly with his arm, “Jesus, I should take you to California. Gonna miss winters without tiny fucking knives falling from the sky.”

Heather doesn’t lose track of that comment for a minute. Excited for Chrissy, she tries to plant the seed for their plan,

“What’s the matter, Billy? You too cold?”

“Hell no. But I’m not a chick the size of a baby deer.” Billy remarks, taking the bait perfectly well, rubbing Chrissy’s arms and feeling how cold she is, “Shit, you’re fucking frozen, Chris. Here.”

And without even thinking he peels off his varsity jacket and starts to hand it over.

Used to the cold, and despite her excitement wanting to make sure Billy doesn’t get uncomfortable, Chrissy protests, “No, no, no. Keep it. I can’t let your California sunshine freeze over.”

Billy disregards that, slinging it over her shoulders anyways, “Yeah, well I’m not letting all the fuckin’ little pixies that fly around your head freeze to death either.”

Jason scoffs at him, turning around to walk backwards with the group, teasing, “Dude, what does that even mean?”

Without even looking Heather flicks his ear, getting his attention back, “Just because you don’t understand romance doesn’t mean nobody can.”

He looks at her like a kicked puppy, but Jason is nothing if not stubborn, “Pixies? Sunshine? What happened to- beautiful and charming and butterflies in the stomach?”

“I don’t know, Jason. Maybe you should fall in love again and find out.”

“Who would I fall in love with? Nobody can beat you, Holloway.”

Heather rolls her eyes, flicking her hair like an agitated horse would it’s tail, “Ah, see you almost got a couple points there. Almost. You’re in the negatives though for using my last name.”

He tries to recover it suavely, “I could call you Carver instead?”

But that isn’t Heather's way. She counters intensely, “No. I’m not being a child bride, thank you very much. Besides, who says I’m taking your name? Maybe I could call you Holloway.”

“The.. I- Okay.” Jason just sputters, turning pink up to his ears.

Behind them, still lingering a good ways back, Chrissy hums, warm and cozy in her boyfriend’s jacket, “What are they even arguing about?”

Billy laughs about that, shrugs his shoulders, “Hell if I know. They lost me a long time ago.”

“It’s funny. Heather didn’t think you were good for me, but she fights with Jason all the time.” Chrissy informs him.

Billy stops dead in his tracks. Gently uses his hold on Chrissy's hand to spin her around to face him as he fell behind,

“Hold on. Take a step back. Heather thinks /what/ about me?”

Chrissy’s nerves spike so quickly she gets a little dizzy, “Please don't take it personally. I want my two favorite people to like each other. Please.”

Her beau steadies her, instead of freaking out, “No problem. I just find it.. fuckin’ weird.”

“It’s because of the way you drive. And smoke. And act. She thinks it’s bad for me.” Chrissy blurts, knowing it’s unkind but needing him to believe that she had no part in it.

He doesn’t seem too phased by having Heather’s disapproval, apparently learning faster than most people do, “Big fucking deal. At least you know I love you, right?”

“Mhm.” Chrissy nods her assurance, standing on her tiptoes to kiss Billy’s cheek and seal the promise.

“Right. Tell her she’s the one making Jason cry his damn eyes out the second he gets tipsy on a sip of anything stronger than a fuckin’ soda pop. I’m tellin’ you, Holloway has ripped out his heart and shoved it up his own pansy ass.” Billy sounds bitter, but not overly mean.

It’s something he’s thought about before. Good to know the gossip street goes both ways.

It’s why Chrissy doesn’t feel too bad telling Billy now, “She doesn’t mean to. I think she’s scared.”

“Sacred of Carver?…. He hurt her?” His voice drops, as angry and mean as Heather warned her about.

They don’t talk much about serious things, serious isn’t their kind of fun, but Chrissy knows about Billy’s life at home. About the type of man Billy could’ve been destined to be.

She rushes to make sure he doesn’t turn on his own friend for thinking Jason was the same way, “Oh no! No, not at all. Never. It’s her mom and her daddy. They sort of forced her to date Jason. She wasn’t ready. I think she’s ready now and doesn’t want to admit it. ‘Cause that would be like taking their orders.”

“Fuckin’ parents.” Billy eventually grumbles, not knowing what else to say.

It seems to be a common theme in their group. A bonding experience for all four of them, whether or not they’re open about it.

Chrissy doesn’t really feel like talking about that stuff anymore, sort of just mumbling, “Yeah.”

Because Billy is perfect, and none of the things Heather says at all, and the actual bullies in their lives makes her want to just hide. Billy notices the drop in her mood, and silently slings an arm around her waist, pulling her into his side as they walk. Keeping her close. Safe.

Maybe someday things will work out beyond Hawkins. They have to. Winning the jacket was a silly, small victory, but it was a step.

Now Chrissy just wants, more than anything, her friends to be happy.

She holds onto Billy’s hand a little tighter.

The next time Heather and Jason get together, it’s for a study date at the end of that week. With Heather being a year above, the only class they have in common is the Biology two class Heather failed last year. There’s coloring sheets of bones and cells to be completed, so it’s not like they need each other’s help, but sitting on Heather’s bed coloring with colored pencils didn’t seem like a bad deal either way.

At some point, surrounded by all the color, Heather realizes something,

“Honey. We’re going shopping this weekend.”

Jason barely looks up from his work, focused on being neat close to the lines, “For?”

“Clothes. You’ve worn three white polos this week. I’m bringing some color into your life.” Heather pokes him with the flat end of the white pencil for emphasis.

Jason blinks, caught off his guard, “I wear green sometimes.”

“School colors don’t count. Yellow either.”

“I think I have, maybe, /one/ blue shirt.”

Heather digs in the pile for a turquoise-ish pencil, “Blue! Blue’s.. good! That’s definitely on God’s rainbow. Maybe a nice pair of blue jeans too, for once-“

That’s where Jason cuts it off. Because that’s where Heather went from playfully sharp to flat-out insulting, “Heather, please.”

She stays on the defensive, “I’m just saying. There’s nothing wrong with branching out from your choir boy uniform. That’s all.”

Sometimes it’s like she thinks if she pokes a bruise enough, it’ll make her seem like she’s strong enough to cause them. Like she’s all in charge and nothing can stop her.

Jason doesn’t want to stop her, he just wants her basic respect, “So what do you suggest?”

Not even sarcastic, just genuinely enthusiastic to share, Heather starts, “Pastels! Your hair is way too strawberry to be a dark dresser. Unless you go with emeralds, no more tacky green. Ooh, or even if you grow it out some! You know, actually-“

Jason runs his fingers over his neatly parted hair, protecting it, not hiding the concerned squeak to his voice, “No thank you, I happen to like my hair short.”

“Again, baby. Boring.” Heather just rolls her eyes, once again. Sometimes it’s like that’s all she knows how to do.

It stings.

“Look, if nothing I do is ever going to be good enough-“

Heather doesn't entertain that in the least. She slaps her hand over his homework page, making him look at her, “It’s not /you/. You know that it’s not you.”

No, he didn’t know that. Jason looks at her, confused, “What?”

“Just because you dress yourself, and you drive your stupid little station wagon around parading your image, doesn’t mean there’s not that voice in the back of your head. Maybe… maybe a tight fist too. Telling you what to do. You’re afraid.” Heather talks with her hands, just enough that Jason can see through it.

That she’s being showy to hide something.

Doesn’t mean he’s not been rendered self conscious and bare-souled all the same. He doesn’t like that, even after months with Heather not feeling safe showing her all his tender parts like that, “I don’t want to hear this from you.”

“Oh, so a girl can’t have opinions, huh? I should just spread my legs now and let something else do all the talking?” Heather heats the argument.

Jason just lets his head fall back, frustrated, “I don’t- You /know/ I don’t want that.”

“Oh please do enlighten me then, your graciousness.” Heather forces what Jason is thinking out of him.

So he lets it go, without regard to her feelings, even though he hadn’t wanted to, “Look, I’m not stupid. I know your parents are a problem, Heather. Everyone that’s read the paper knows Tom Holloway isn’t a kind man. You try to hide it, but you can’t keep it from me. And you can’t- just take it all out on me!”

“I wasn’t-“ Heather tries to backpedal.

He still doesn’t let her, “You were! You always have! Nobody has the key to the lock on your heart, but I’ve been trying anyways. And you just shut. me. down!”

“Jason…”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry we didn’t meet for real until high school. I’m sorry I can’t save you because I’ve got my own.. shit to deal with. But, and forgive me for using His name in vain, Jesus fucking Christ Heather!”

“Jason..” Heather repeats, clearly more misty eyed than before, and opens her arms. A hug is letting him in physically, letting him get close even when the words aren’t easy.

Mostly, she hadn’t realized Jason could read her as easily as she could read him.

He takes the vulnerability to mean it’s safe to say, “I love you.”

“I know.” Is Heather’s response. It’s not easy to say it back, not when she chokes on it every time she tries to say it to her ‘problems,’ let alone a highschool boyfriend she was never supposed to fall for, not in her own heart.

It’s enough. Jason keeps holding her, lips against her shoulder, “I’m sorry.”

Heather repeats herself, “I know.”

Nothing else felt right to say. Because she /was/ sorry too, but saying it second would feel ingenuine. At least, she’d read it that way.

She closes her eyes and feels exhausted. It’s not supposed to be this hard. Their school years are drawing to a close, and yet she can’t even admit her own parents treat her like shit.

Maybe a silent tear drop or two drips off the end of her nose behind Jason’s back. If he noticed, he didn’t say a word.

After a while, Heather needs to do something, sitting and thinking and regretting not doing anything to help, “Can we call Chrissy and Billy and go get some ice cream or something?”

“Sure. I think I owe that to you for keeping myself so.. alone.” Jason admits, bashful but genuine.

And isn’t that just the thing. Heather gives him a tiny smile back, “Ditto, baby.”

Ice cream ran into the evening, all of them itching for an excuse to stay out. Chrissy was the last to finish her bowl of two raspberry scoops with sprinkles, half of it melted into sludge by the last spoonful, and even that’s not a distraction enough.

It’s early spring, which means, as the group informed Billy, that the Hawkins drive-in theater was opening back up. Nobody even needed to discuss it to know that’s what they wanted to do. There were a variety of chick-flicks and even more horror sequels in the box office, which meant the two week delay at the drive-in would make for some good choices at least. Most Hawkins residents would take their trucks out there, not some prissy little station wagon, but it would do.

At least, it should, but Billy started getting impatient with cruising along under the speed limit out to the wooded hill where the drive-in is, “Can’t this piece of shit go faster?”

Heather turned around slightly to face and scold him, “Well, we coulda brought yours if you hadn’t decided to buy the extra tiny, no room for fun model.”

Billy just snorted humorlessly, “We could fit if there was any actual fun going on. Leaving room for the Lord or whatever is what fucks it up.”

For that comment, knowing their company, Chrissy pushed Billy’s arm gently. Still, she didn’t seem to disagree too harshly, since she smiled through when he kissed her next.

Heather seemed irritated, though that tends to be her default honestly, as she huffed, “Not everyone’s a sleaze like you, Hargrove. Get used to it.”

Billy hadn’t even justified it with a response, just waved her off and used the same arm to swing it over the seat behind Chrissy. She was wearing his jacket again, hadn’t taken it off all week, curled into his side and wearing his name. In that bubbly way she does, she was also wiggling her hands about, not nervous, but happy.

Content.

Heather and Jason still had a ways to go to reach contentment.

The pair stay in the car for the movie, their counterparts in a blanket on the grass instead. Cali boy is out there freezing his ass off, but he’d said anything would be better than being trapped with relationship drama.

Heather and Jason try to ignore him.

They fail.

Jason turns to her not even a full twenty minutes after that comment starts working it’s way under his skin, “Heather?”

“Hm?” She hums to show she’s listening, but doesn’t look his way.

That’s not enough for what needs to be said, so he repeats, “Heather.”

“Yeah, that’s me. You need something?”

“I wanted- I just…. I’m sorry.”

Her pretty features screw up in confusion, “For what?”

“For not being good enough.” Jason informs, like it was the most clear thing, “You’d be happier with a guy like Billy. Maybe you could call up Steve-“

“No, fuck you if you think I could ever leave you.” She spits.

And then she grabs Jason by the collar of his polo and kisses him.

It’s nothing chaste, nothing at all like their usual peck of the lips. This is roaming tongues and hands.

Heather reigns herself in when she feels Jason’s hands, holding her hips up under the back of her shirt, shaking.

“I’m not gonna make you do anything. Sex isn’t my endgame.”

He sort of freezes, like it hadn’t occurred to him that Heather wouldn’t mind helping him in his devotion to modesty, “So what is?”

“An apartment. Maybe get a cat. I want to share a space with you long before we do marriage shit.” Heather explains lightly, smile on her face.

Jason relaxes his shoulders, “Make it a dog and we’ll see. Dogs are better.”

“Oh, ha-ha. Make it one of each and I’ll forgive you for that comment.”

Heather kisses him again, without any heat or intensity this time, just gentle, soft affection. She even lets him touch her hair, despite usually slapping his hands away for that. It helps that she’d brushed it out to be restyled before bed tonight, but still, she would have let him even if her curls were laying perfect.

When they pull away, Heather lays her head on Jason’s shoulder. Instead of watching Cat’s Eye on the screen, her gaze falls to their friends huddled up outside, and she muses, “How much you wanna bet Chrissy and Billy run away into the sunset?”

“I hope they do. Hawkins is Hell on earth.” Jason asserts, clearly serious because he usually wouldn’t even mention a place like that.

Heather sighs slightly, “Literally. The kidnappings, the murders. I can’t take much more of it.”

Confident, Jason says, “I’m sure they’d make room for us then. If we wanted to go with them.”

That has Heather sitting up straighter, surprised, “You would live in California?”

Sunny skies, living free- it didn’t seem very much his pace. The order and the mundanity of Midwestern life seemed better for Jason.

He just shrugs for now, “Who knows? We’ll see when we get there.”

“And you’re okay with that?” Heather wonders aloud, as she knows it, finding that Jason prefers to have his entire life planned out.

He only sounds a little tense as he tries to sound brave and strong, “Getting there.”

The tension between them had to have been coming from there. She wanted nothing more than to rebel and escape, while he, even when he was feeling crushed by the weight of parental disapproval, was nothing short of desperate to be back in their graces.

If Heather could be more open to discussion when that made her uncomfortable, and Jason less complicit to begin with, the pair would probably be on the right path again.

She lays her head on him again, and this time, Jason takes his arm out of one sleeve of his varsity jacket, slinging it around her like a blanket. Her heart absolutely soars. The promise to Chrissy was fulfilled, she and her honey were working out just fine now, after she’d gotten Billy’s jacket.

That’s gotta be a sign that things will work out for Heather too.

“Hey, Jason?”

“Hm?”

She feels compelled to finally confess, “I love you.”

It’s Jason this time who, after a soft little kiss to her forehead, says, “I know.”

#strr2024 #billy hargrove #chrissy cunningham #calicheer #billy x chrissy #heather holloway #jason carver #choirguard #heathson #jason x heather #my writing #ej writer #st rarepairs

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lvminae · 11 months ago

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Had an idea of RadioHusk where Husk is Alastor's guardian angel, and wrote some Thoughts of how it works out below :3

Note: Transman Alastor in this because I was partially working of horny Nun Alastor thoughts but it became like, part of the Story:tm:. And never ended up actually elaborated on.

got pretty long, and does briefly cover/imply abuse, murder, and cannibalism (as one should expect with Alastor).

Husk appears around when Alastor is born as a normal cat that won't leave the boy's side. People have definitely /tried/ to get rid of it, but it always finds a way to escape death and be around Alastor.

Alastor was in the care of his parents, until the loss of his mother at his father's hands. So Alastor takes his father's gun and kills him.

Now without anyone to care for him, Husk (still perceived as a normal cat) leads him to the local church. They are people of God, they should take care of the child, right? And Alastor is taken in by someone there.

It isn't the greatest way of living, and Husk definitely notices it takes a toll on Alastor. The boy (an angel will respect your gender even if no one else does) is being fed and given a home, yes, but it isn't all kindness. And it is infuriating because what is Husk supposed to do as a guardian angel when the people who are supposed to work in God's name are cruel or the ones that need to be guarded against?

So he takes a different approach. He leads Alastor away from the church one day, trying to find a secluded area that he can reveal himself to Alastor in. But something happens (my brain RN thinking of a killer stalking Alastor because he just happens to be out and spotted at the right time), and Alastor is in danger. So Husk reveals himself by jumping in and saving him (in this case, attacking/killing the person who intended to kill Alastor).

Also could be a reflection that, even though he is a guardian angel, Husk isn't gonna be a preachy one. He killed a dude after all; sure, to protect like he is meant to, but it isn't like that includes murdering other people.

Thankfully, we know Heaven doesn't seem to give a rats ass what their angels do.

Alastor stays with the church mostly because now he has proof that, at the very least, angels exist. And if he stays with them as a Sister, he continues to be kept safe and fed. But he sneaks away in the night to explore the town and discover his vices, all while Husk does little to stop him.

Alastor knows he may, and probably will end up in Hell. Husk doesn't think constant reminders are necessary. Alastor isn't stupid, and humans trying to use fear regarding what Hell may be like certainly hasn't done anything. In fact, it probably has pushed him further into misbehavior and sin.

So Husk simply is there at his side, acting as a guardian and protecting Alastor when needed.

Experiencing the world with Alastor leads him to temptation, and actually enjoying some of the darker things Alastor does. Leads him to justifying it in his own mind, enough so that - so long as it is Alastor doing it - the boy can do what he wants.

Husk's job is to protect him. Not anyone else.

Once Alastor has figured out how to live on his own and provide for himself, he returns to his family home, where Husk likes to lounge around freely. Being a cat definitely had its perks, and they seem to have stayed even though his true form is now revealed.

He watches as Alastor shirks the teachings of the church to study the Voodoo his mother had been a practicer of. At this point, he is too attached to Alastor to try and force him away from it. Doesn't really care what Heaven may think of it. He's been down here with Alastor for so long without a single word or order given to him yet, so why should he? Besides, Alastor looks so happy, opening up as his true self as he plays with these foreign powers and gains something that Husk cannot give him.

Plus, when Alastor is out hunting, killing, consuming his prey… He is happier than ever, glowing in his glory. Husk won't get in the way of that, either.

Of course, eventually Alastor dies and is sent to Hell, and Husk returns to Heaven now that his charge has fallen. The only reason he isn't sent to Hell is because Heaven can't be damned to take care of their angels, and technically he WAS doing his job as a guardian.

But now that they are separated, Husk seems miserable and doesn't do shit up in Heaven. They have everything there, why has he lost his luster? He can't be sent to guard someone new, he refuses. He'd rather tear off his wings and halo than risk getting attached to someone else. If he returns to Earth, they would lose this angel.

But he has become useless, and obsesses over this soul that is rotting in Hell. It's only a matter of time until he decides to Fall so that he can be with Alastor. He tries not to for decades, but eventually decides that if he doesn't, he'd rather die forever.

So Alastor has his guardian angel return to him, and together they indulge in their vices.

#asher.txt #radiohusk #alastor #husk #hazbin hotel

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deusluxuria · 1 year ago

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Someone on here a while ago asked me if I could elaborate on a post I wrote about (anime) Fugo's Stand being a metaphor for some effects of trauma.

(I just now wrote a whole-ass thing in Evernote about this, and then Evernote damn ate the whole thing lol - I'll try to write a smaller thing then)

(Content warning: mention of p3dophilia / CSA in a fictional story)

Fugo desperately begged his teacher (who had already done something to him in the past) to leave him alone. His teacher didn't. That's when Fugo beat him with the book. Only to be ostracized for it, accused of "seducing" his teacher for better grades (when he was a child??), and exiled from his own family.

With Purple Haze, an embodiment of his rage, no one can come near him ever again.

Trauma can be infectious like a virus when we let it guide our rage to harm others -- rage makes the body strong, but the mind weak. Trauma can make us lash out to protect ourselves in ways that we may deeply regret later. Especially unresolved trauma; unacknowledged trauma.

Purple Haze is uncontrolled rage. Because Fugo can harm people with it, without the intention of doing so.

"If you don't heal what hurt you, you'll bleed on those who didn't cut you."

And unlike his teammates, he can't even safely throw a punch with his Stand. There is no way for him to use it without the possibility of harming people he's trying to protect.

The abuse of Fugo was never brought to justice. There were never repercussions. Things went in the polar opposite direction. So his pain stayed inward. And just as a balloon will burst if you keep adding air to it with no release, so will a person full of suffering that has been willfully ignored by everyone.

Furthermore... Fugo rarely uses his Stand. As if he's afraid of it.

He's ashamed of the unhealed parts of him that can make him dangerous even to his own friends.

Everyone on Bruno's team has a history of incomprehensible trauma. But it's clear to me from Fugo's Stand -- and from his refusal to follow his friends rather than a violent, tyrannical boss who tried to kill his own daughter -- that he doesn't know where to begin with his heartbreak.

Maybe he has never talked about it -- about the devastating betrayal by his teacher, his school, the law, his parents. Maybe he's never fully realized that the outcome was beyond unfair and that he didn't deserve any of that. Maybe he doesn't yet understand that there is life outside of trauma, or he has never had the chance to realize that.

I see him as someone who still thinks it's his fault (whether that's in his soul and not so much a conscious thing, or he believes it so much that he would tell someone else that he deserved his trauma).

Everyone was against him after he attacked his teacher. There was no one to confirm to him that his teacher was a monster and that he had been completely abandoned. It would've been easy for him to believe what the masses were saying about him, as he had no support system whatsoever.

There was no one to protect him. There was no one on his side.

It's possible that, because of this, Purple Haze is the way it is because Fugo never learned to control it.

Stands are representation of the user's soul. And Fugo's soul was lost, heartbroken, scared, and enraged.

#fugo might not be in my top faves as much as he used to be but #his story was there when i needed to hear it #fugo pannacotta #pannacotta fugo #golden wind #jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba #i was just talking about something like this and #idk people say it can be such a relief to talk about things but #opening up about being a csa survivor feels horrible #everyone experiences trauma differently but #i feel like that one sometimes is just.. it feels like u never recover in any way #but thats just where i am with that currently

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sommerregenjuniluft · 8 months ago

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ok i'm back!! lune. lune oh my god your JP vision is everything to me, i can see him so clearly and i LOVE the fleamont/treasure/estate situation

i have additional questions: does he also have a fun name for the estate the way john b calls his house the chateau? who's who in the friend group bc me personally i can absolutely see sirius as jj and remus as pope and lily could be kinda like kiera (mainly in that like,, fiery and independent vibe she has) and i feel like for peter you'd have to kinda play around with some characters but i can totally see them as the pogues.....

and then regulus as sarah.... yeah..... please elaborate on the fucked up mentor/mentee relationship with riddle also please and thank you

miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllll<3333 that makes me so happy to hear T^T

hhmmmm i havent thought about it, maybe we can come up with something! i love having little easter eggs that relate to something in canon. idk if hogwarts would be too on the nose HAHSAHA but i mean. it is an old, big house that kinda looks like a castle...... sjfds idk i'd love to brainstorm with u. and yes mil you read my mind. that's what i thought too regarding the friendship roles/gang composition. though i think it's fun to mix the backgrounds/family situations/relations to the treasure around a bit. i'd want lily to be the book smart one, the one with the scholarship opportunity and also i think i'd want her to be the one related to denmark tanny (or whatever the name will be in the au). but i want her to have had the kook year that kiara had, lily alone in the nest of the snakes. and possible give her something close to jj's family situation. or like, an apathetic parent perhaps. remus can have the poor but loving family that pope has, with lyall and hope<3 i dunno what else he has going on besides that for now, possible something disability wise? terminal illness.....the gears r turning. sirius is a mix and match again. in this au both sirius and regulus are orphans, lets say their parents died when they were pretty small, then it was their grandparents and at last alphard but it didnt take long then for regulus to get swooped up by tom (i'll get to that in a minute.) so sirius is living with alphard and he kind of has the relationship with him that kie has with her parents, sorta abusing his position in a relatively wealthy home and using up all of his resources for his family, his friends (here his inner jj swings with as well, he's so boundlessly loyal). now coming to reg. riddle is a big shot kook obviously, filthy rich but from rags to riches type beat like ward. and his thing is that every like 5 to 10 years he adopts kids and like sponsors them sort of? like a sick twisted version of carlyall from twilight. i'd imagine maybe he started out with an ophaned niece and nephew or maybe or distant cousins and then just. kept going because he craved the company and liked playing the role. sometimes it's more but mostly he adopts two at a time, a boy and a girl. cue, barty and regulus as rafe and sarah versions. now what i'm about to say next is a bit fucked up so feel free to dip jdhgks. when they're 14/15 barty and and reg have this weird little pseudo incest thing going on where they're dating sort of. or not directly in a romantic and sexual sense but it's wildly different from regular platonic and familial. and it's all a bit bananas since they have the same father figure yknow. so they live with riddle, they have dorms at his estate. but evan is also sort of in the picture. (kind of filling the spot where the topper character leaves a whole). and evan is,, idk probably in love with both of them. which is, again, twisted and weird and bananas. since theyre. adoptive siblings on paper. skjgjsd anywho! i'm still not sure what to do about wheaze and rose. i considered bellatrix and delphini (that affair child bella had with tom) but i could never make her barty's adoptive mom. she'd just encourage his psycho ass and then the plot would crumble in over my head. at this point i also wanna take whoever is reading this by the cheeks, look u deep in the eyes and remind you of the little rafe x kie (bartylily) crumbs we'd get when exploring the s3 plotline :3 oh! oh!! also dorcas as cleo. hot sexy badass, french/jamaican accent having goddess of a young women that lily pathetically immediately falls for. it's just a big ol' OH moment where lily is like. yo i'm into girls?!?!!!!! i've pondered for a long minute what to do with the pope x kie romance plotline and i think i'd wanna make it a mutual comphet thing. remus is pissed at sirius for rejecting him after they have an almost kiss after dancing around each other for so long and then lily is there so he takes the out.

((lmao tumblr told me i need a paragraph here, i really been yapping too much already))

and sirius can't say shit because he's the one that bailed on remus, so remus lets him suffer (and also punishes himself for advancing on him in the first place). and for lily it's just that it takes her a minute to understand that the reason she can't choose between her boys is not that she's an indecisive slut but that she really does love her boys all the same amount, just not in a romantic way. cue dorcas strutting in with her knife wielding skill and her criminally sexy little belly button piercing and her braids and. yeah,,,,.

i'm also thinking latino james possibly, lily being mixed ghanaian (1) (2) (3), cambodian black siblings, and remus can be the token causasian lmao. barty as well and evan will always be some kind of blasian to me.

okay before i come to an end i wanna talk about trans fem reg for a second though. i've been browsing the net and reading about mtf transitioning a bit to portay regulus accurately and give a good enough representation. in my mind regulus, in this au, noticed that she's different pretty early on. and what with having sirius and it being a very modern, 21 century au, her transition began rather early. medically it's typically recommended to start with testo-blockers around 15 and added estrogen at 16. and that's exactly what regulus does. like always, when taking hormones there's gonna be some side effects, unfortunately. thrombosis risk increases, your libido decreases and you're probably gonna be tired and exhausted a lot and also more emotional and sensitive, have a shorter fuse. regulus does a lot of biking and swimming in her free time against the thrombosis, preferably in their long pool at the riddle estate but when she's feeling good enough about her body she does like to take out the boat with barty and evan and beat them in a swimming race. she's nap queen, she's sleeping everywhere, all the time and when her and james start getting together he calls her sleepyhead all the time and in the most affectionate tone and it sorta just keeps being the main pet name he has for her. also the low libido/possible body dismorphia go very hand in hand with the sarah arc where she's unsure about having sex for the first time. all in all regulus is pretty snappy and thin skinned, emotinal. but it makes her passionate and compassionate especially, which james loves and adores. all of it. yknow how in s2 sarah and john b stay at that hotel and jb steals the phone. i want james to overhear a pair of older-ish women complain about menopause and their pills and then break into their room when they're away for dinner and steal regulus some estrogen pills. it's probably not the right dosage and reg can't take them but!!!!!!!!!!!! it's the thought that counts and to regulus that counts A LOT.

#holy fuck my brain feels empty now that i've word vomited all over here #this still needs a name too #obx au #mil tag #trans fem regulus #mtf regulus black

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youuuimeanmee · 1 year ago

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RWTGI 34 Thoughts

😆🥰🤗 I've been waiting for Kirishima's past to be translated since forever 😭😭Now I can FINALLY talk about this chapter wkdbjsnsjsjk

Out of all the mysteries presented in this series (the hell's up with Suo Azami, Renji, Yoshino's parents, the brewing yakuza civil war), Kirishima's past is one thing that hyped me up the most; mostly because I've been dying to know the background this insane yet lovable(?) ML lololol.

⚠️ Though the title is Ch 34's Thoughts, I actually started it from ch 33. If you haven't read it then what are you doing here, go to MangaDex if you don't wanna get spoiled here.

⚠️⚠️TW; Bullying, Abuse, Self H4rm, yk how Kirishima is.

👏 Okay! So!

We FINALLY get to see Kirishima's rich ass mommy and daddy 🥳🥳🥳

(tho they don't have a face, I'll take it)

Looks like the parents are busy people, they missed the fact that their son is not normal since birth. That, or Kirishima is just damn good at hiding it. Maybe both.

"My 2 classmates are fighting over irrelevant things. Solution? Erase the thing without anyone knowing. No more things to fight, problem solved 🙂"

He has a shrewd moral compass, I have a feeling he was being genuine when he "helped" his classmates. Aww my cute baby gremlin.

Or if he wasn't being 100% genuine, maybe he tore up the cards to surpress his urges for violence, to ease the boredom he felt because he couldn't feel anything while living in a normal, peaceful life.

The parents slowly realize the abnormal blood that's been there since Gaku era has never disappear from their family.

Since Gaku is the black sheep of the family, Kirishima's dad prob thought: 'Oh fuck this is uncle all over again. No wait I can do this. He already released his energy using a good outlet (karate), he just needs to surround himself with good people. Friends, yeah. The school we picked is the best; surely there's no bad influence that's gonna taint my son. No more psycho #2.' Umm, I hate to break it to you, but daddy-

Ironically, the dad might be the first person who gave him insight about the feeling of having fun by being with a friend. Up until that point, he probably didn't know the feeling he felt when he did the karate. He did it many times, and the dad claimed he liked it, but he never registered it as 'liking something' until it was pointed out to him.

(just like when kirishima threw daggers at yoshino's back until she pointed out he might be jealous of Shoma and he got a little 'ahh that explains it' moment.)

Aww look at that probing eyes, trying to search the answer of his boredom from his dad 🥺

Let's be real Kirishima could really use a proper diagnosis and therapy back then, even right now.

The smile of a child who has found the spark of his life:

LMAO seriously, he smiles because Kodaka can kick hard. The more pleasure (read: pain) he gets from other people, the more he's gonna seek it.

But Kodaka is still weaker than him, so the pleasure ends quickly.

Enter Otogawa.

She's cute. Sweet. More importantly, she's important enough to trigger Kodaka.

She told him all he needed to know about Kodaka. Great in academics, gyms, and karate. Secretly violent too. Just like himself.

"He's just like me, so we matched right? We can be friends! 😃"

Kirishima be like: FUCK YES MORE FRIENDS TO FUCK.

Remember in ch 25.2 when Kirishima told Yoshino he once formed a "friendship plan" that went down the drain?

Whelp, looks like Kodaka is that "friend." We all know how that ends, tho.

Anyways.

Thus, began Kirishima's scheme to ✨️nurture✨️ Kodaka into a person who could kick him harder & also strong enough to not break easily. He befriended (read: flirted) with his crush, lured him into a desolate place, provoked him, stayed docile & easy to kick, yadda yadda.

Really an elaborate plan for someone his age, it's almost cute.

This moment of Kirishima and concealer really highlights his cleverness since he was a kid. If he buys a concealer for his bruise, it's too pricey for his budget. Parents will question unnecessarily if he were caught buying it. Solution? Pretend to return the high schooler's money (even though it's his own) so they'd do the makeup for him. Bruise covered, money covered, no one's gonna know ☺️ Little manipulative shit.

I was gonna feel sorry for him for getting beaten up, but then his innocent, excited smile turned me off so quick. Ugh.

(This is prob the beginning of his exploration to find new "fun" stuff to try. Like choking himself, for example.)

Kirishima is a pathological liar huh. Saying his birthday is in September even though it's in November. This really adds weight to his words earlier that he only revealed his true birthday to Yoshino 🥺🥲

Kirishima's plan to nurture Kodaka is going smoothly in this chapter. Maintaining good relationship with Otogawa, making him jealous and all that.

I bet bringing a 10,000 yen bill is part of the plan too, because kids need the motivation to keep coming back to him. Extorting a broke student is boring afterall.

It's been 300 days since Kodaka had beaten him up? Um. Excuse me what the fuck. With that many injuries, Where are his parents??? Did he ever get questioned at all?? Is Kirishima just that good at lying?? I'm sorry, but I also smell neglection. Intentionally or not.

Moving on, Kirishima is damn good huh. His fights like an adult, prob even better than some yakuza. He's 12. Let that sink in.

(should've seen it coming tbh, but it still surprises me.)

I wanna say he's so disgusting when he ripped the poor dude's ear (where on earth did he learn that?), but he's also my son, so...

Also, the art is so clean. My eyes is blessed, thank you Konishi.

I'm running out of gas. Yeah that's all for today! See you next time 👋

#raise wa tanin ga ii #rwtgi #rwtgi ch 33 #rwtgi ch 34 #miyama kirishima #rwtgi meta #rwtgi analysis #tw abuse #tw bullying #tw self h4rm

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itzpris · 5 months ago

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Ah yes, Vinnie x Sharukh, please for 3, 4, 5, 10, 16, 29, 31, 41, 45, and 57

imma do this one first :))

hi boogie i read some of your shahrukh posts i'm taking those ideas now thanks

3. Do they wear the other’s clothes? (sweatshirt, bandana, necklace, etc.)

You already know this one, Mate. Next!

4. Which one is more protective? Who needs to be ‘protected'?

Just kidding, I'll elaborate more. Vinnie, well, obviously. This time is interesting, 'cause Shahrukh's wardrobe is mostly expensive designer stuff, even the more casual pieces. Vinnie of course loves it just because it's Shahrukh's clothing, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't taking it as an opportunity to try the stuff.

4. Which one is more protective? Who needs to be ‘protected'?

They're both pretty protective. Hear me out. In my human au, Shahrukh's been working in the film industry since he was a child, and it's not a very fun experience *cough* abuse and exploitation *cough*

Vinnie is protective in the sense he doesn't want Shahrukh to get hurt again. But Shahrukh tries to keep Vinnie safe, and making sure he doesn't make any stupid decisions like confronting those people. Because 1. Most won't give a shit anyway. 2. Some are still very capable of very dangerous things.

5. Describe their cozy night in.

The campfire in Shahrukh's big-ass living room is lit, and what are Vinnie and Shahrukh up to? They start the night off with some chiller activities- board games, jigsaw puzzles, attempts at painting. Some tasks are more frustrating than others, but they manage. And ofc, classic cozy cuddling in a blanket ^^

10. Describe their first date.

Their first date? THEIR FIRST DATE?

Gonna go with Shahrukh taking Vinnie to a fancy restaurant. The attire is picked out, and Vinnie is drilled on all sorts of etiquette he's got to observe while they're there. While he is excited, Vinnie doesn't really get the whole thing. Everything is so shiny, fancy, and has a strange feeling that's hard to explain. Still, he tries to make the most of it. Cause surely a restaurant this expensive has some good food, right?

...Yeah, no, it's not for him. So after that restaurant, he proposed going somewhere more casual. Like an amusement park or something.

They have a quick change of outfit (cause they are not going there in fancy suits) and they try to let loose there. They play a few games, burning money and barely getting any good prizes, but Vinnie is enjoying it. Shahrukh thinks the place is messy and noisy, but anything for Vinnie, right?

All in all, their date was trying each other's own ideas of what would be best. While they might not understand it 100%, it certainly was an experience.

16. Can they stay up all night just talking?

I like to think that they can :)) After a long grueling day of filming and dancing for each of them, while sleep is tempting, they have so much on their mind to share.

29. Who is more likely to jump in an elevator? Who freaks out?

Vinnie would jump just for fun, but only if it's just the two of them. If there are other people around he'll fear judgement.

So Vinnie is jumping a little. But as he tries to do it again, Shahrukh just grabs his head and pushes him down (in a playful sort of sense). The actor's a little freaked out inside, but tries to be chill and not get too mad at Vinnie.

31. Can they sit side by side without touching the other or are they handsy? (lacing fingers, touching knees, etc.)

They're quite handsy, I think. Lacing fingers, touching knees indeed.

41. Which one would take their jacket it off and drape over the other one because they were visibly shivering?

Vinnie is a cold boi, isn't he? He shivers a lot. Shahrukh does the jacket draping.

45. Can they fall asleep without the other?

Before they knew each other? Yeah, whatever. After? That's not too easy. The warmth, the love, the soft feeling of each other's skin... once they got used to it, it's hard to do without it.

57. Whose the serious one when grocery shopping and who likes to toss random things in the cart?

Shahrukh would usually have servants do all of his shopping for him, but with some convincing from Vinnie, he decides to give it a shot. Shahrukh, having never done this before, starts overworrying with stuff- a categorized list, a map of the store, and being super strict about sticking to the list. Vinnie tries to get him to have some fun with it, tossing whatever into the cart. Shahrukh is a little frustrated, thinking they're doing it wrong, but Vinnie is too cute to say no to.

I'll do the other one some other time ;))

#pristelle's response

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daddymus-mamatron · 9 months ago

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Greetings, I come in peace. So...I saw your tag about a TFE plot rewrite on a rb and. I'm very intrigued. Please kindly elaborate 🙏🙏🙏 (Forgive me if I'm too nosy! Feel free to ignore this ask. ⁄⁠(⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠-⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠)⁠⁄

Oh it is a PLEASURE to talk about it!!!

Ramble under cut because it's going to be long

When I was in college I had a class on cinema and my brain decided it'd be my new hyperfixation. Now that'd be fun and dandy except I got a little too into it and all I can see is patterns, archetypes & trope.

Like there is maybe 10 movies/TV shows that I didn't see the plot twist coming from a mile away. My stupid brain pick up on the most minuscule details and unravel the whole plot in a second. Which sucks sometimes.

Enters TFES.

It's great but there's a few sentences/frames that drive me insane.

When they throw the Cons in jail after episode 1, the rest of the Decepticons must know about Mandroid, they'e so close in there and in later episode it's shown they can chit-chat easily

Megatron is nice now and that's it?!?!?? He hunts & imprisons Decepticons and he's free and it's fine?!?!? AND HE STILL WEARS THE DEECPTICON BRAND?!?!?!

Speaking of cells, I knew G.H.O.S.T. was iffy the *Second* they showed the empty cells. THERE'S NOTHING IN THERE NOT EVEN A BENCH OR SOMETHING WTF?!?!

Bee casually mentioning that Rumble exploded because Soundwave was low on energon.

Swindle saying they should wait for the 'plan' instead of breaking out after Hashtag Oops

Bumblebee carrying restraining bolts

Karen torturing the 'Con, how long did that go on for?!?! How come they never spoke up about the torture??!

On the same subject, Tarentulas mentions a gun that erase memories and then we never hear about it again

There's more but I have more things to say so moving on

*inhale* THEN!!! Then there's the deleted scene (The confrontation between Megatron & Shockwave + Soundwave & Starscream freeing Shockwave) THEN!!! Then there's the mentions in the official guide that were never explored/explained

I said fuck it and wrote down all the things that bothered me, asked my pal @shotimus what other things she thought were weird/missing/not explained [Shots is the TF expert, I'm still a noob] and I threw that all together in a blender. Took my favourite parts of multiple continuity (IDW, Aligned/Prime, Shatter Glass, G1 & Earthspark) and made a 6k OUTLINE of the fic I wanted to write.

The one (1) thing I was doubting the most about the plot of the fic, is Starscream is older than Megs & OP in my AU. I saw a comment on Reddit once that blew my mind (goes like this: If we’re sticking pretty closely to G1-esque Starscream, it would be pretty easy to show some more of his motivations for being so conniving.

Just show some glimpses of the life he imagines he should have and why he is so convinced he should have it, and there could be many specific ways to go about that. All you’d have to do is show why he’s like this—you wouldn’t have to get the audience to think he’s in the right or being reasonable, and it would be interesting.) Took that and ran with it. This post reassured me I wasn't too insane for making SS older

So he's a golden child that got more and more bitter as the war went on and he was more and more abused. Because I have to torture my fav blorbo.

AND THEN S2 CAME OUT

It was so bad.... I have MORE THINGS TO REWRITE. Like Soundwave ripping the 'Con badge off Megatron. There's another thing I wanna talk about it's a surprise so I'll refrain.

And that's where I'm at OTZ

The fic in question is actually a whole ass series because I'm possessed with a demon and I must rewrite the whole show?!?!?

#erm it got out of hands #I forgot stuff AND I left some stuff out for surprises 8D #ask me anything

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senseofnewness · 8 months ago

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Just finished part 3 and can’t stop thinking about it. Honestly:

I truly don’t think reader can go soo long and not catch an ounce of feeling for Art. I think they both liked each just not nearly as much as they craved Patrick/Tashi. The whole [Art] not kissing her on the cheek and her noticing it and Art knowing that he’s with reader and still being head over heels for Tashi because she’s just something he cannot have. I’m not sure if I missed something, but in my head Art and Tashi had never gotten sexual because he’s ALWAYS went back to reader for his needs (plus Tashi did say it was nothing - and I would take her for a liar either.) Art is guilty of infidelity, mainly mental and reader is just fuckin’ psychotic. Art’s jealousy came out a bit more this chapter and I loved it. I loved seeing Patrick being open about his sexuality and basically admitting his crush on Art. They’re truly inseparable. I wish we could��ve seen more of Art and reader’s vulnerable side like in their argument where they both spat truths at each other. I had absolutely NO clue reader was walking around with battle scars on display for him to see. I completely understand her obsession with Patrick and him accidentally falling in love with her. It may be genuine on his end but it obviously isn’t on hers considering she has an un(healthy) obsession with him. If you ever plan on finishing this series, or if you ever wanted to just answer some questions - I have a few :)

- What does the future look like for Patrick and Art’s relationship considering Pat’s in love with Art and Art is oblivious (to everything/everyone it seems… but not really.)

- Will Patrick ever find out the reader is a freak or do we lock that in the chamber in live happily ever after?

- Once/If Patrick and reader do get together, will we get to hear Tashi and Art’s thoughts?

This is super long, sorry! Also, I read you saying reader was trying to convince herself that her and Patrick were much happier than Art/Tashi - can you elaborate or is that too much to speak on in honor of a potential part 3? 👀 The people wanna know…

wow that's a long message, almost as long as part 2

Oh I think she cares SO MUCH about Art especially the fact that he "doesn't" care (that's what she thinks), she cares.

Yes I can confirm it, Art and Tashi never cheated. They're the closest friends but nothing more. But they like each others but will never say it because Reader is there. Tashi thinks of Reader as a loving and adorable girlfriend and thinks it would be terrible to break her heart. Art, he thinks like Tashi thinks.

It was essential for me to keep Patrick queer and in love with Art because it would explain his attitude with Reader.

I didn't think Art was ready to talk back to Reader yet but who knows IF THERE IS A PART 3

Reader just didn't give a fuck anymore about hiding her relationship with Patrick to Art. Hell, she wanted him to see and leave her ass so she wouldn't have to break up with him herself. I don't know if you noticed but how easier it would have been for her to say "let's break up" WEEKS ago. She just couldn't because that would make her the bad girl of the story. She's obsessed with being the victim.

Patrick never had someone who is so attentive to him. (I imagine him to be a middle child) He couldn't help but fall in love with someone who took such a good care of him and believed in him. It is genuine on his hands but it is not healthy either. Patrick is more than once on the edge of verbal abuse. He has issues.

Okay, let's go with the questions.

What it looks like? I truly have no idea. I really want them to make up and be besties because they are so cute. Maybe once Art finally starts dating Tashi? Once they both get what they "want", they would be like "look, it's done now, let's just make up" but that would be too easy. I think the resentment would mainly be on Art's side because Patrick was sneaky and hiding stuff from him. While Patrick would always be welcoming Art with open arms. As for Patrick's feelings for him, I'm scared they would always be unreciprocated. To me, Art is way too comfortable living the hetero lifestyle.

Oh god, Patrick would find out Reader is a freak eventually but sometimes think it's endearing because she loves him so much. But I'm not sure he would find out EVERYTHING because now that she has Patrick, she has no reason to be as freaky. Maybe until she gets a new obsession but ........

In my mind, they do get together because it's too far gone anyway. As for Art's and Tashi's thoughts, we will only hear about those if they're willing to tell them to Reader's face. I expect Tashi to do so. As for Art, maybe in a desperate attempt when Reader decides to leave uni to be a full time tennis wife for a player who barely manages to feed himself.

As for my "potential part three", I didn't give it much thoughts. But one thing is sure, I want to get rid of the university setting. So I thought Reader being pregnant would be the best way to.

But we can simply do a time jump but I hardly imagine Reader having a career that is so not taking care of Patrick 24/7. And since she sucks at tennis, she wouldn't be a coach, so once again the idea that she's a stay at home mom came.

But she's not fulfilled, she got Patrick, she wanted him for years but now she's a shell of herself. She does not desire anything anymore. Plus, their relationship isn't the greatest. They have great sexual chemistry but communicating is complicated since they can't mention anything about the beginning of their relationship without Patrick hating himself. Maybe he also cheats on her while on tour because that's how he is. And she resents him because pregnancy ruined her body. But one thing motivates her when she hears that Art and Tashi got engaged : how she was RIGHT about them. And out of the goodness of her heart, Reader reaches out to Tashi and congratulate her because she's such a GROWN person and more mature and happier and fulfilled. Tashi just answers 'thanks' and oh she's pissed. And Reader is like "let's put everything in the past, look, i was your fiancé's girlfriend a lifetime ago, so long ago i almost forgot, now look how much better my life is without you two ahah". She's mentally deranged.

Thank you for your message ❤️

#ask #fic : silent devotion

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