#(elaborate ass child abuse)

[iongenesis]

Made this gem in college, u can interpret how the window got broken however you wish.

[creature-wizard]

I saw on one of your posts that you said that it is a myth that DID is only caused by severe childhood trauma. Are you able to elaborate on that? I had it described to me by a friend who has it that DID is caused by "being in a situation so severe that the child feels as though they are about to die." Is that not true?

That was kinda bad wording on my part; I probably should've said "severe abuse" or something.

So, DID is indeed traumagenic - but this whole idea that it absolutely cannot happen without extraordinary levels of pain or torment was always a baseless assertion. People assumed that because some people developed DID this way, then it had to be true for all of them. (Fallacy of affirming the consequent.)

But the thing is, traumagenic disorders don't give a rat's ass about somebody's arbitrary rules of what level of Bad Shit is "enough" to cause them or not. Like for years the popular thought was that PTSD can only be caused by something as severe as experiencing actual war, when in reality people have developed it from all kinds of situations. And it turns out that C-PTSD, the "PTSD by a thousand cuts" variety of PTSD, is a thing!

The thing about dissociation is that it's a response to overwhelming stress. People don't have to feel like they're about to literally die to start dissociating, they just need to be so overwhelmed that their mind goes "nope, I'm out." I literally know of a guy who started dissociating and developed his first alter after a few stressful weeks of intense work.

So DID is traumagenic, but it can be caused by some surprisingly mundane sources of trauma, many of which just wouldn't even register as a potential source of trauma for a lot of people.

[ultraintrovertedgryffindor]

𝗖𝗿𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗴

this one's pretty gross ngl lol

Summary: You thought you could get away with one more adrenaline rush before the mission kills you.

Warnings: DARK NONCON, SMUT (MINORS DNI), mentions of murder, rape, torture, and necrophilia, serial killer!reader, sexual violence, slapping, punching, misogyny, blood and pain kink, degradation, humiliation, oral (m!receiving), (painal) anal, ass to pussy, forced orgasm, creampie, and death

word count | 3.2k🤙🏻

As you sat staring at your own reflection in the two way mirror across from you, your hair a mess and dried blood lightly splattered across your face, sticky hands cuffed to the cold metal table, you started to wonder what led you here in the first place.

You were never abused or neglected. You didn’t have any head injuries growing up. In most ways, you were a perfectly normal girl. Your parents loved you, you had friends, a steady job that made you good money, so how the hell did you end up here?

You thought back to your childhood. You had witnessed many of your parents’ arguments, perhaps that was the cause? Or maybe seeing one too many horror movies? Listening to the wrong type of music? Were you just born with a screw loose? There had to be some sort of explanation for why you would have committed such horrid, atrocious acts. Maybe you’d never know. Perhaps it would be better if you didn’t. Maybe there was no need for closure. Maybe you just wanted an answer more for your loved ones than for yourself. You could live without it, but your parents? You knew they definitely would need one.

You felt as though you should be terrified at the fact you were being held in a police station. Any moment some detectives would walk through that padlocked door and expect you to give them all the answers as to why you did what you did, to give them some sort of clarity and insight. But you still had no idea what you would say, sitting in that uncomfortable stiff chair for what felt like hours you couldn’t even come up with an answer to yourself.

That wasn’t the worst you were dreading.

How do you look your mother or father in the eyes after something like this? How can you even be in their presence? It’s a different kind of pain when your mother or father is crying because of you, because of something you did. The disappointment, the disgust, the fear. How do you go from your father’s little girl or mother’s precious baby to this, a murderer? Would they blame themselves? Probably, even though it wouldn’t have been their fault. You knew this too, it could never be your parents’ fault. They did the best they could, which is all anyone could ask for. But facing them would be the hardest thing you would ever have to do. You saw the way they looked at you, like you weren’t their daughter anymore. You weren’t really, the daughter they knew wouldn’t have done what you did, had been doing for months. They didn’t raise you to be this way. You were an anomaly. You weren’t their child anymore, you were nothing to no one. Just another killer that needed to be behind bars, or better yet, a lethal injection.

You were destined to die, from the minute you were born. You probably deserved it, you did deserve it. Though death didn’t come by way of a lethal injection or prison violence like you assumed it would, no, it was much more interesting.

You never thought about what space was like, pondering the what if questions was never something you wasted your time on. But upon being assigned a space mission as a punishment, you were forced to wonder what it would be like. It didn’t seem like a punishment to you, you didn’t really care what happened to you mostly. It would be an elaborate way to die, that much you were sure of. Theatrical, is one of the first words that came to your mind. You weren’t scared, not much did scare you after all. What did slightly worry you, however, was the fact you’d be on this mission with several other individuals, most if not all of them there for the same reasons as you. Murderers, rapists, terrorists. What a motley crew it would be.

You knew Monty, through word of mouth. The two of you were in the same prison, segregated by gender of course, but you had heard of him. You could appreciate a familiar face in a very unfamiliar environment. He didn’t talk to you much, only when you both got assigned the same work detail. You both had strong similar opinions about the witch that played doctor and mad scientist that was on this mission with you all. You may or may not have made an agreement to eat her first if the station ran out of food. You might’ve considered him a friend, if you had the emotional availability for friends.

Who you never talked to, or even wanted to, was Ettore. Some kid done in for all kinds of sexual assault and violence, even some corpse fucking. I mean, if you’re desperate enough, you guessed. It’s not like you had any room to judge, considering. But even you thought the guy was a bit over the top. You were subtle, tried leaving no traces; Ettore was messy, no condom, coming inside every girl he forced himself on, his bloody fingerprints everywhere. Some people just weren’t smart enough to think of those things. Men hardly ever think things through. You didn’t know what he went through, but you didn’t find it in yourself to care. He was a monster, just like you.

Ettore stared at all the women on board, even the men sometimes, but you always felt his eyes on you. Maybe it was because you were closer to his age than all the others, but he just liked your appearance the most, but you didn’t appreciate it nevertheless. You thought about how pretty his shiny crimson blood would like coating your hands every time he made eye contact with you. Thought about how his gurgles would sound if you slit his throat, choking on his own blood.

You make promises to yourself. You say, you’re never going to do this thing again. You won’t ruin your life like this, you can’t. But then like all promises, you break them and you continue to destroy yourself and everything around you. It’s inevitable, like death. You crave and you ache and you feel like you can’t live if you can’t carry on with this obsession, you need to drown yourself in it. The pain of living with knowing that you’re a monster seems more appealing than the pain of never being able to fulfill that craving ever again. It’s a sacrifice you have to be willing to make. But the difference between people like you and normal people is that your cravings supersedes the want to be normal and live without guilt or remorse. You can’t have it both ways, and you understand that better than most. You figured Ettore knew that too, and that’s the only reason you started to take an interest in him.

Ettore never seemed remorseful for what he did, not like the others. The others had regrets, they wished to go back in time and change what happened, they never wanted to end up in space. Neither did you, but remorse wasn’t in your programming. Regret wasn’t something you ever learned. The world couldn’t handle people like you, not at that time.

You didn’t really know what you were looking for in Ettore, definitely not comfort, he couldn’t give it if he tried. But that’s not what you wanted either, you hated nice people but they were easier to take advantage of. You knew you wouldn’t be able to take advantage of Ettore, he’d be able to sniff that out from a mile away. You usually knew how to approach these things, how to approach your victims, but Ettore was different. He was like you, and you didn’t like that. You felt something you had never felt before; you felt threatened.

You and Ettore were assigned moping the station floors, a tedious endeavor, they’d just get dirtied up again. But this was your chance, to get rid of the threat once and for all. Dr. Dibs was a stupid cunt, for all those experiments she did, she couldn’t even spot you stealing one of her scalpels from her infirmary. Though, you figured she wouldn’t have cared that much anyway.

Ettore kept his eyes to the floor, mindlessly moping away at the tiled flooring. You removed the scalpel from the hiding place you made in your scrubs, gripping the handle firmly and plunging the blade down, aiming for the man’s neck. You barely made it halfway to your blade’s destination before Ettore grabbed your wrist, swiftly pinning you against the wall with a dark look in his eyes. You glared up at him, the feeling of having lost searing your insides.

Ettore easily overpowered you, holding both your wrists above your head with one hand and taking the scalpel in his other. He looked between you and the surgeon utensil with an almost amused expression. “Not the first time a woman’s ever tried to kill me.” He mused, “I’m sure that comes as a shock to ya.” His dry sense of humor didn’t sit well with you, though you didn’t have much of a sense of humor to begin with.

Instead of giving you a taste of your own medicine and killing you like you thought he would, he simply tore the blade through your scrubs top like it was second nature, exposing your breasts, your nipples hardening against the cold space station air. You heard him hum in appreciation, eyeing up your tits like they were a meal. “Not the prettiest tits I’ve ever seen, but they’ll do.” You didn’t have time to be offended before asking yourself, ‘they’ll do’ for what?

You were suddenly slammed on the floor, your back hitting the tile hard, Ettore above you predatorily. “Get off me, you dick!” You seethed, struggling against his grasp.

Ettore pursed his lips, shoving his knee between your legs. “Nah, don’t think I will. Been wantin’ to have my way with ya for months. Thinking ‘bout your tight little holes every time I used that fuckin’ box. Don’t need it now.”

“Dibs will find out.”

He raised a brow. “Do you think that’s something I care about? Can’t imagine she’d be too thrilled about you tryna take a stab at me neither. Just shut your mouth and do as you’re told, and we won’t have any problems.” And just for good measure, the man atop you threw his fist across your face, blood and a tooth splattering to the once freshly cleaned floor. He groped at your breasts roughly, surely leaving bruises that would stay for awhile, if you even made it out of this encounter. You spat the rest of the blood that pooled in your mouth up at Ettore, watching the viscous fluid paint his fair complexion. “Bitch.”  He spoke simply before ripping off the rest of your clothing and moved up to straddle your chest, his hardened member hovering right above your face. “Suck. Better feel no teeth or you’ll lose ‘em.”

“Piss off!” Ettore smirked as he muffled your protests by shoving his cock inside your mouth, thrusting with abandon, your whimpers and choked gasps only spurring him on further. You felt like you were going to pass out, his dick blocking your airway, only getting barely enough just so you could keep going. You hoped he’d stop soon, but you’d soon regret wishing for that.

With a grunt, he pulled out of your mouth and flipped you onto your stomach.

“Ettore!” You growled, trying to escape the heavy weight of his body, to no avail. You let out a yelp as he landed a harsh smack to your ass, a new feeling of panic washing over you as you felt his hands spread your cheeks and hocked up a wad of spit on your puckered hole. “No-! Not there, please!”

Ettore chuckled darkly, “I like hearing ya beg, do it again.”

Your brows furrowed in discomfort as you felt the blunt tip of his cock press up against your ass, pushing every so slightly. You decided you wouldn’t give in to this vicious man, no matter what. He was yours to kill and torture, not the other way around. It wasn’t supposed to go this way. “Fuck you.” You yelled out in pain as Ettore forced his cock in your ass to the brim, his thickness bringing tears to your eyes immediately, the unfamiliar pain almost unbearable. “Stop!”

“Nah, sweetheart, you asked for it. And I’m gonna give it to ya.” He grunted as he pulled out, only to push back in roughly. You cried out in pain as you felt your tissue tear inside, your own blood acting as a lubricant so Ettore’s cock could slide in and out more easily. Each thrust added another wave of pain throughout your entire body, sweat beading along your forehead and shivers going up your spine that hit the base of your skull. You hissed as he pinned your head down to the cold tile, your tears and sweat mixing and creating a puddle that you’d be forced to clean up later.

“H-Hurts…” Was all you could say, and when you thought the pain would go away, Ettore would just speed up his thrusts, tearing away at you for his own pleasure. You felt his cock throb inside you, pulsing as he finally came with a grunt, forcing his seed deep inside you.

You whimpered as he pulled out, his cum mixed with your blood pooling into another puddle of pain. You wondered if he was done with you. Was he exhausted of you? Ettore inadvertently answered your silent question when he flipped you over on your back, his blood covered cock still hard and standing at attention. “I’m almost tempted to make you clean up your mess here…” He smirked, “but I wanna fill up that pretty pussy of yours, have you leaking from both filthy holes.”

You growled, trying to kick at him only for him to force himself between your thighs. “You’ve had enough, Ettore, now let me go!”

Ettore furrowed his brows. “Enough? No, it’s never enough.” You let out an involuntary moan as his thick cock slid right in your cunt, not for the blood but your own slick making it a welcome intrusion. “Fuck, so wet and tight. You sure you’re not getting off on being taken like this, luv?” No, absolutely not, but you couldn’t really teach him a lesson about the body’s natural defense mechanisms at a time like this.

The harsh, sopping slaps of skin pierced your ears when it would’ve been an otherwise chillingly quiet hallway. It was peaceful at times, the silence deafening to the point it blocked out all the other noise, from outside and from within. Ettore had to taint that too. You felt like you were rotting from the inside out, each thrust his cockhead hit your cervix, making your toes curl and eyes roll to the back of your skull, an aching pleasure like lightning bolts shooting through you. Your loud moans were unavoidable when he pushed your legs back against your torso, making his cock hit deeper, his thrusts picking up speed as he kept hitting that sweet spot inside you. The wiry hairs that decorated Ettore’s pelvis rubbed up against your clit in tandem with his brutal thrusts, your orgasm creeping up on you like a curse. 

You clenched hard around him as you came, earning a deep groan from the man, his seed spilling inside you. Perhaps in different circumstances, coming together would’ve been romantic. But alas, you had nothing but pure hatred for the man that was now trying to catch his breath above you, keeping a bruising grip on your legs as he came down from his high. Surely, he was done now, right? “You liked that, did ya? You want more, hm? I can give you more.”

You gave up trying to protest, knowing that it would only make him want you more, so you kept your mouth shut as he flipped you over again, entering you from behind. Your hands shook as his cock pile drived you, his body weight squishing you against the floor, your insides aching as the force of his thrusts moved them around. Unfortunately, you felt another orgasm bubbling up inside you, a growl escaping you as you felt betrayed by your own body. “Fuck!” Ettore moaned, “Your cunt’s squeezing me so fuckin’ tight. You fuckin’ love this cock, don’t ya, slut?” Rage coursed through you like your orgasms did, your moans and whimpers echoing the halls along with Ettore’s. Fuck him. Fuck this situation. You’d rather be dead.

Something shimmering caught your eye, your gaze shifting to spot your long forgotten scalpel laying just a few feet away from your body. If you could only reach…

“Mmm, maybe I’ll fuck a baby into you, maybe Dibs will give me special treatment as a reward.” Ettore chuckled darkly. “Maybe she’ll let me fuck you whenever I want.”

“Fuck you.” You spat venomously, yelping when Ettore suddenly flipped you over on your back and gave you a harsh slap.

“Shut the fuck up, bitch, and take this goddamn dick.” And when he raised his hand to deliver another slap, you opened your mouth and clamped down on his fingers with your teeth as hard as you could. 

Ettore let out a satisfying yell, the tangy taste of his blood coating your mouth and arousing you like nothing else could, his flesh tearing and bones beginning to crack and fracture before he pulled away, clutching his injured hand. You quickly kicked him in his lower abdomen and then his chest, successfully shoving him to the floor, giving you the chance to grab the scalpel. You sliced open your palm as you grabbed the wrong end in a rush, stinging pain and adrenaline surging through you.

You screamed as Ettore pounced on top of you, trying to grab the tool from your hands, his fists beating down on your back and arms. You elbowed him in the side, hearing him gasp for air before you pushed him off, quickly straddling him, pinning his hands beneath your knees. “Fuck you!” You shouted in his face, bringing the blade down and plunging it into his stomach. “Fuck you!” You brought the blade down again, this time in his shoulder. With a pained yell and a groan, Ettore ejaculated beneath you, your pussy rubbing against his cock when you straddled him, giving him one last climax before you forced the scalpel into his neck.

You watched with a grin as dark, viscous blood poured out of his various wounds, him choking and gurgling on his own blood as it continuously filled his mouth. You couldn’t focus on anything else but the oozing tears in his flesh that you made, you didn’t notice anything else around you as you watched the life slowly drain from his eyes, his blood creating a large puddle that covered your own blood and his sticky spend, like it was never even there.

You lived for this. The feeling of taking someone’s life. It took a while to get that feeling back, a lot of effort and pain, but it was worth it. Even when you were caught by the other crewmates and Dibs, even when Dibs tortured you as punishment, the other prisoners shoving you outside of the airlock chamber for their own safety…

…it was totally worth it.

sorry, i love my happy endings🤷🏻‍♀️

[wc-confessions]

Yo. This is going to be a long rant since I am currently reading Tallstar’s revenge. I really hate Sandgorse. And I kind of hate Palebird, but mostly Sandgorse. (Cw; Abuse) I put the warning since Sandgorse is clearly abusive, though people tend to overlook that. So I’ll be explaining a little bit about what he’s done to Tallpaw. When it comes to the abuse toms in the series, people tend to often ignore or just downright deny that. (Ex: Crookedstar ironically enough and I’m not talking about on Rainflower’s end. Goosefeather, Tigerclaw (To be clear from Mapleshade and Pinestar. Pinestar is neglectful while Mapleshade groomed him). So I will argue with you if you disagree that “Sandgorse isn’t abusive"; he is. He’s a god-awful father. If CPS was a thing in this universe, I’d call them on him. 

Early on in reading Tallstars Revenge I liked Sandgorse for his passion for digging and because he seemed like a super caring father at first. But as the story progressed, he just started pissing me off. I hate how he cares more for damn tunnels than he does for Tallpaw’s own well-being and what he wants. I hate how he tried to force Tallpaw to do something he didn’t want and then cold-shouldered him for rightfully being terrified. As I got to chapter 14, it’s clear he’s just plain emotionally abusive, and overall, he's an emotionally absent father from Tallpaw. He doesn’t care about Tallpaw’s feelings and often dismisses how visibly uncomfortable he was. 

He insulted his son and brushed off his concerns when the tunnels flooded. I liked him and genuinely thought he was interesting since nobody ever elaborated on why he was "bad,” but Jesus. Nobody ever said he was outright abusive. Like Tallpaw himself says, “But what I want didn’t seem important.” That is how terrible Sandgorse is. That is how his Abuse affects tallpaw. All throughout chapter 13 of the SE, he constantly thought about becoming a tunnel just to please Sandgorse. It’s so fucking obvious that Sandgorse is a shitty and abusive parent. But then again, abuse in the Warriors universe is often overlooked because of how poorly written and portrayed it is and because, in general, not many readers are educated on the different types of abuse and factors involved. That or either they just deny it even exists. I feel so bad for Tallpaw. Even after how Sandgorse treated him, he still loved his father enough to run away from home just to avenge him. Sandgorse is such an ass. And he should’ve even been grateful at all that he had a tallpaw considering his other kit finchkit died. And I love Sparrow (so far, let’s hope he’s still an angel). I love how he pushed Tallpaw to care about what he wanted instead of trying to make Sandgorse happy. I love that he encouraged Tallpaw to follow his own path instead of letting him think that his feelings and what he wanted didn’t matter.

 Ew and the dirty looks Sandgorse kept giving Tallpaw Chapter 14; Page 250; (digital copy)

“Tallpaw snapped his head up and tried to catch Sandgorse’s eye. Before he pushed his way through the heather, his father shot him a look that stabbed Tallpaw’s heart.”

Someone, please help this poor child. Even Dawnstripe (who is his mentor if you haven’t read the SE’s or haven't read Tallstar's yet) could see how shitty he treated Tallpaw.

“Dawnstripe brushed softly against Tallpaw. “Why don’t you run to the first marker?” she suggested. “It might wake you up a bit.” Tallpaw heard sympathy in her mew. She saw how Sandgorse looked at me.”

“Why can’t I have normal kin who care about my training and who are proud of me?”

The fact that he feels so unloved by his parents is genuinely tragic to me. He’s one of the cats in the series that deserves better than anyone. Along with Bumble,Turtle Tail, etc. There’s probably some others, but I have bad memory, so I can’t list them all. This poor cat is continually plagued with grief and feelings of failure, feeling like everything is his fault. It was heartbreaking to see that he thought Palebird would hate him because he felt it was his fault her friend Brackenwing died. Even Sandgorse believed that he’d killed Brackenwing. Though Palebird imo is just as shit about believing it too, I won’t just shit on him for that.

And Sandgorse is such an ass for shit-talking his own son to Sparrow: “A flood scared one of the apprentices, so yeah, it’s all his fault that we can’t tunnel, and I hate him.” And then, in the next chapter, he just dies. And Tallpaw risked his life to save his abuser.  I cannot stress enough how much he deserves better than what he got. He risked his life; he was fully ready to throw away everything just to save his father. He didn’t care how badly he’d treated him; he still loved him. And Hareflight pisses me off. He saw how Shrewpaw kept bullying and picking on Tallpaw and didn’t do anything to stop him, but as soon as Tallpaw beat Shrew's ass, he wanted to act like Tallpaw was in the wrong. In fact, I wouldn't even call it bullying at that point because it's gone so much farther than that. 

.

[xixovart]

mali’s hcs for aquaman’s doppelgänger i think (percy. it’s percy.)

love my og homie

i'm coming in hard and strong (that's what she said) and saying that percy would NOT love taylor swift!!!! percy is an edgy teenage SKATER BOY!!!!!! he listens to d4vd tame impala childish gambino arctic monkeys and the neighbourhood!!!!! stop the percy swiftie allegations!!!

i know this is basically canon in the show but percy, like nico, was an absolute pain in the ass for sally. this kid would draw all over. everything. do not give a six year old percy a marker he will draw on your fancy white couch. or eat it. could be either.

sally having to fight for her LIFE to get a nine year old percy to wake up for school. “mom i can't go to school im sick” “you just accidentally kicked me in the face with the strength of a motivated horse you liar”

honestly she was so done with his bs. 5th grade for percy was an ERA.

“percy no you cannot put your hand in a blender.” 

“percy we do not eat rocks.”

“percy get up from the floor, we are at the supermarket. no you cannot have a fruit roll up.”

“percy it’s three in the morning why would you want to go to the zoo.” “to see the penguins ☹️”

korra coded

reminder that he’s canonically a skater i’ll never get over this.

he loves band shirts and has a bunch of posters all around his dorm

i think he likes the rain, even though it’s zeus’ domain. it just calms him down. (im projecting)

reminder that percy isn’t dumb he’s just chaotic

percabeth skating dates i'm hyperventilating 

he really hated third grade. when asked about it he will say “the chaos and the mind games…” and not elaborate 

percy “grover is my wife” jackson

percy was actually pretty quiet in school. he wasn’t usually a class clown, he’s just the quiet disabled kid who got crappy grades (and was absolutely stunning i should mention)

captain of the school swim team <3

really likes 7/11??? for some reason?

the second he got his licence (and a car) he would nEVER stop driving. after tartarus, he would space out and disassociate, and he often had panic attacks. driving with no destination helps him calm down.  (IM PROJECTING)

estelle absolutely adores her brother. like never leaves his side. she would cling to his leg whenever he had to leave and she would BEG to come along whenever percy and annabeth went on a date

he eats a LOT. like so much.

he got used to using military time after his training with lupa and his time at camp jupiter :)

“you are just a boy, you are no man, and nobody you know will understand.” except it’s about percy in the original series, who was so heavily relied on to be a hero that he lost his sense of self. we as a fandom joke about this so much but percy lost his innocence for the people who ruined his and his loved ones’ lives. he sacrificed his humanity because of the gods’ blatant abuse and ignorance of their children. he is a child for the entirety of the original series, a child who has gone through so much and so rarely gets a break. even when he’s in school, when he’s not at camp and doesn’t have to worry about olympus, he still fucking does. he still never rests easily because the world’s fate hinges on HIM. not zeus, not his father, him. the scene with atlas was so significant because it represents so much. in a literal sense, percy, annabeth, and luke—the three who carried atlas’ burden—had the fate of the world on their shoulders. one shrug and the world could collapse. what most of the fandom fails to see is that the second percy was claimed, his childhood ended.

[fangirleaconmigo]

So I’ve been a bit absent. Putting a ‘read more’ because shit in my life has gotten very real very quickly.

One of my younger sisters went to urgent care with stomach discomfort last Tuesday. It turned out that she had a huge mass in her pelvis, (18x25 cm) and our lives were plunged into a black hole of fear.

In the past week/weekend, she’s gotten blood tests and referrals for more scans. Every test result is more ominous and terrifying than the last. It is definitely ovarian cancer and she will need a major surgery and we don’t know what else.

In one day, I moved her completely into my house. She gave notice on hers. We are trying to find foster care for her cats while she is in treatment because she can’t care for them during, and neither can I.

We still haven’t had a proper prognosis and treatment plan. That will be today, I hope. I am about to drive her to her first actual appointment with a real oncologist.

It’s early and I’m lying awake in my bed. I haven’t slept much in the past weeks. I go to sleep googling ovarian cancer, and I wake up and google ovarian cancer, and I feel like an entire house is crushing me. I can barely breathe. I have to go fetal position for a few minutes sometimes during the day to get through it.

We need some hope today. We need some good news. We need, at the very minimum, a plan for her care. Something to focus on.

Please keep us in your thoughts and send us some love and good will. She is either in shock or being very brave but she could get hopeful, or devastating news today (or more terrifying limbo) and I don’t know where that will leave us.

I won’t try to tell you how much my sister means to me. But I will say that we grew up together in an isolated family with shitty, monstrous, abusive parents and it fused us together in profound ways. I raised her to the extent that a child can raise another child. (It’s like that John Mulaney joke where he said his babysitter was so young, it was like a horse caring for a dog lol)

We are both super sci-fi fantasy nerds. I watch tv with her probably three to four nights a week, and we can talk for LITERAL HOURS about the intricacies of the writing and the characters on the various franchises. We usually agree, but we probably woke the neighbors with our argument about who the best Doctor Who companion was.

We work at the same hospital and share an office one day a week, and the people in the hall probably hear our elaborate Star Wars or MCU theories.

I know better than to get her started about certain things, but no matter what I do, every Thanksgiving she gives an entire speech about how the LOTR movie adaptations failed Gimli, son of Gloin.

We’ve been to Supernatural cons (we’ve both written SPN fic), and SDCC together many times. Actually, we went to ECCC together this year, so @spacecores and @roguepyrola met her and can attest to the fact that she is a mouthy, down to earth, absolutely brilliant, funny, foul mouthed, nerdy ass bitch.

I NEED HER, ok, I FUCKIN NEED HER.

So if you meditate, pray, send intentions, I don’t care what it is, I need it today. Her appointment is in about three hours and we need some hope.

Thanks for reading, friends. ♥️ I know this isn’t fandom related but we’re all real life human beings here with real lives, and that’s what is happening in mine.

[pinktoonie]

Haven't seen anyone talk about this so I will because to me it seems like the biggest obstacle in Rei and Kazuki's relationship and an important through line in the show.

Here comes a long, unpolished post.

As far as Miri goes, the family unit has been established and the two dads are settling in and relaxing into their roles almost a year into having Miri. Ep 7, 8, and 9 established that Kazuki, Rei, and Miri in that order respectively are in this family thing for life 100%.

But we still have 4 episodes left.

Obviously angst is coming, but along with that, Kazuki and Rei still need to address this barrier between them.

Listen to me. These lines from episode 3 have been nagging me since they were first said. They're IMPORTANT.

"I won't ask."

"I wouldn't tell."

The context here is Rei and Kazuki talking about their pasts. Whenever Kazuki brings up a tidbit about his past, Rei will agree if it also applies to him, but he will not elaborate, and Kazuki won't ask him to. Kazuki knows the gist about Rei's family. Who they are and what they do. He doesn't know how badly Rei was/is treated. He can see the scars. I doubt he's ever brought them up though.

"I won't ask."

"I wouldn't tell."

It's a constant in their relationship. But this lack of communication is problematic for two people who have decided to spend their lives together and raise a child.

Here's another example from episode 8

Rei here is bleeding from his forearm. The show even has him pose in a way to show us that it's clearly within Kazuki's line of sight.

But Kazuki doesn't ask. Because Rei wouldn't tell.

However concerned he may be, he doesn't bring it up. He doesn't know where Rei was that night or why he's injured. He can assume it had something to do with his family, which should be worrying in itself. Kazuki is endlessly patient and understanding, but that's not fair to him.

The show even makes it a point to bring this issue up again in the same episode:

So where do we go from here?

There will need to be a moment in the show, where Kazuki WILL ask, and Rei WILL tell.

Or Rei will just open up on his own without prompting. What Rei will tell Kazuki, we don't know, but it'll be something that matters. Something important.

What could it be?

My predictions:

Rei opens up about his past abuse in detail to Kazuki to fully make him understand what his father is capable of (because of the upcoming danger)

Kazuki gives Rei some sort of ultimatum, which results in Rei admitting something, whether that's "I love you", "I need you", or some sort of confirmation that he has no intention of leaving Kazuki's side, not just Miri.

They just have a moment where they open up to each other just because they're simply changing and comfortable enough to talk about the past now. "You didnt matter much to me" is the closest we've gotten.

A "what are we?" convo.

Regardless of the reason, narratively it will have to happen before Rei and Kazuki can move forward with their relationship, whatever that entails. But this lack of communication and vulnerability with each other is what's holding them back.

Lastly, this may be completely unrelated because the show is set in Japan but still caught my eye.

"I won't ask."

"I wouldn't tell."

Sounds a hell of a lot like the old, "Don't ask, don't tell" policy in the USA, which basically stated that non heterosexual members of the military must keep their damn mouth shut about their sexuality. No openly queer people.

Which if we apply it to Rei and Kazuki's unclear partnership... Fitting.

And also considering Rei's homophobic ass speech about carrying on the family and Kazuki sullying Rei's blood (which literally implies he thinks they're sleeping together because the only way to "sully blood" is through sexually transmitted infections), seems like the organization might've also had a sort of, don't ask don't tell policy.

I'm sure I've missed stuff, but these are the points that have been stuck in my brain. All in all, whatever this important thing that Rei will tell Kazuki is, it'll be the catalyst for taking their relationship to the next level of "partnership."

[hargrove-mayfields]

For ST Rarepair Roulette 💕 @st-rarepair-roulette

Word Count: ~5,000

Ships: Billy Hargrove x Chrissy Cunningham and Heather Holloway x Jason Carver.

Warnings: Implied/referenced child abuse, lots of arguing and misunderstandings, very mild references to sexual content.

~~~~~~

“No. Nope. I don’t believe that for one second.”

Gossip. That’s all it is. Heather and Chrissy laying on the former’s bed, legs up against the wall, long hair dangling over the opposite edge of the bed, exchanging silly gossip.

Never the mean kind, Chrissy won’t allow that, it’s mostly their respective crushes and fascinations from school they talk about.

Or specifically, lately how much Heather doesn’t like Chrissy’s taste in boys. Or anybody, for that matter. In her heart of hearts, she knows Heather is just protective.

Still, Chrissy tosses a little stuffed fuzzball of an animal at her friend for that comment, “Hetty! Rude!”

“Look I’m sorry, I just can’t believe that Hargrove has like, actual feelings. I don’t trust him.” Heather elaborates, through her laughter.

See, she’d say the same every time, they both know that. What matters is whether Chrissy is bold enough to go through with it. She never has been so far. It’s one thing to have a crush, but to have someone openly pining back, that’s something more rare.

An opportunity Chrissy wouldn’t like to lose just to please her best friend.

She’ll try to win her over, “One date won’t be bad.”

But Heather will make excuse after excuse, “Every girl says that before the worst night of her life.”

Chrissy rolls onto her front, sighing so heavily the weight of Heather’s mattress lifts up, like she’s turned to the most stressed little helium balloon and floated away. Maybe she did, off into her imagination, taking her common sense with her.

Maybe she’ll entertain Heather’s concerns, but only if they’re productive, “Well how did you know Jason was being genuine?”

Heather's boyfriend. Track and basketball star, high class social asshole. Chrissys has never been a fan, to be entirely honest. Her earliest memories of Jason Carver were of him shoving over smaller kids in their church group and treating every recess game as pro-level sports. She still doesn’t see what Heather finds so charming about him.

She hopes maybe he’d changed, assumes he’d have had to to win over a critical heart like the one guarded in Heather’s chest.

Oh but Heather gives no such benefit of the doubt to anybody else, “I /don’t/ know it. But /my/ boyfriend doesn’t run over innocent children in his free time.. or whatever the hell it is Billy Hargrove gets up to.”

Chrissy has to laugh at that, it's so absurd, “Oh- He does not! Billy’s /nice./”

“Prove it.” Heather challenges, popping a gum bubble between her teeth to assert her seriousness.

“Hetty.” Chrissy warns, uninterested in playing that game.

Her friend isn’t having it. Heather rolls her brown eyes with so much force she literally rolls over on the bed, sprawling out over top of Chrissy like a beloved golden retriever with no respect for sharing space. It’s always been comfortable with her, coexisting without regard to self consciousness and mothers opinions and Godly image. Probably why she lets Heather get away with being a little catty sometimes.

Like now, as she claims, “Oh come on. Make it a game, have some fun, but show me he’s genuine. Or else I’m kicking his ass.”

“Fine.” Chrissy wants to be stern, but she cracks a little smile, her real, bright one, “If I'm supposed to threaten to kick Jason’s butt, I don’t think I’d be able to.”

Heather hums in thought before presenting a solution, “I’ll do the ‘defending of our honor’ if you help me test Jay back.”

“Pinky promise you’ll be nicer to Billy once we get proof?”

“That’s /if/ we get proof, but you have my word.”

The deal is sealed. They lock pinky fingers, one soft pink nailed and one a flaming red shade. In the ten years they’d been friends since Heather joined their class in 1st grade, not a single pinky promise between them has been broken. It just isn’t done.

Admittedly, that’s a lot of pressure. Talking about cute boys doesn’t feel as fun anymore.

Chrissy’s fluttery feelings start to set in, fidgeting with her hands to hope to drive them off. If she had her bracelets on, she’d shake them and enjoy the way they ring from the hard plastics and metals banging together, but it’s late, she’s in her pjs without jewelry. She picks her nails instead.

Redirecting, Heather hands her a stuffed Winnie the Pooh, and asks a question she knows will catch her off guard, “Soooo. What are you gonna do?”

“Hetty, I haven’t had time to think!” Chrissy complains, squishing poor Pooh between her hands, choosing to abuse the stuffed toy with her anxiety instead of her own skin.

“Oh come on. What do boys care about? Cars, sex, and sports. Pick one and he’ll show his true colors.” Heather says it likes it’s all just so easy, and she already knows it all.

Chrissy isn’t as sure. She considers her options,

“Um, sports sounds the least dangerous.. maybe?”

“Until he tackles your little ass.” Heather points out.

There’s a moment where they both sort of stop moving. They both know what Heather is about to do, but Chrissy's defenses are useless to stop it. She scrunches her body up as tiny as can be, but Heather has pounced, poking her sides gently where she knows her friend is ticklish.

Chrissy used to get all self conscious when Heather would do things like that. Not just touching her skin, so close to where she feels her strongest insecurities, but even jokes, little digs that had nothing to do with Chrissy’s appearance would get her down.

They have Billy to thank for the change. Dating or not, William Hargrove isn’t one to hide his affections. Everyone knows he’s had a thing for Chrissy for a while. It’s deciphering whether he’s chasing tail, or chasing the sweet girl he’d shown enough interest in to replenish her view of herself, hung around and flirted and laughed with so freely it healed a part of her broken heart.

She thinks maybe repaying him a little would increase the chances of getting the ball rolling, and getting Heather’s trust. “What if I cheer special for him during one of his games?”

“Uh, no!” Heather shakes her head, rolled curls bouncing in their pillow curlers back and forth, ”That just makes /you/ public about it. And he can spin that if he’s being an ass for real.”

“But I don’t think-“ Chrissy starts to argue, brow knotted.

Heather holds one of her hands, showing she is doing this because she cares, even if she’s being a little harsh, “Honey, I know I’m a cynical bitch, but I don’t want to see you hurt. Save yourself the embarrassment.”

“I don’t- Heather, it’s not embarrassing to be in love!”

A gasp, slow realization dawning. “You’re right. Oh my god, Chrissy you’re so right!!”

Heather kicks her legs with glee, fuzzy slippers going flying. Right out of a movie, she squeals with delight, infecting Chrissy too with her sudden joy.

Chrissy giggles, going along with it, “I am?”

“Uh, yes! It’s perfect!” Heather scoots closer until they’re shoulder to shoulder, looking up at the ceiling together. She talks with her hands, like she’s painting the picture for her. “Don’t /cheer/ his name. /Wear/ it.”

Only, Chrissy doesn’t think she gets it, “...How?”

“His varsity jacket! If a boy gives you his varsity jacket, it’s serious business. They protect those damn things like a firstborn daughter. If you can get Billy to give you his jacket, you might as well be hitched!” Heather explains, a ball of enthusiasm.

Chrissy knows her longing heart starts racing, probably obvious to Heather too this close together, “You actually think that would work?”

Heather flips up so she’s sitting, burning some of her energy in her dramatic motions, “Duh! You show up to a game repping his varsity, baby, that deal is sealed. I’m talking a proposal at the end-zone. A wedding between quarters. I’m talkin’ baby-making under the bleachers-“

Chrissy, face as hot pink as her pj tank top, interrupts all that, “Okay! Okay. That’s… I get it.”

“Do I make you blush, fair lady?” Heather drawls, in an impression of a boy, eyebrow arched, chest puffed out, lips curled, her voiced dropped ridiculously deep-

Chrissy covers her face, trying desperately not to laugh at the ridiculous attempt, “Heatherrr!!”

Heather clutches her chest like she’s wounded, taking on a sort of accent almost from how badly she’s doing her impression, “Ah! My apologies, maiden. How ungentlemanly of me.”

“Nobody talks like that! /Billy/ doesn’t talk like that!!” Chrissy argues, though she giggles at the unseriousness of it all. So it took a while, but Heather always does know how to make her feel better.

They drop the boy talk for a while, choosing to sneak downstairs and grab some snacks at two in the morning once Heather’s parents were definitely asleep, coming back up with a strange homemade trail mix. Dark chocolate chips, raisins, pretzels, almonds and strawberries. Certainly nothing outside of Chrissy’s comfort zone, careful not to push the limits of her recovery, though it’ll probably give them both a stomachache in a few hours regardless.

Leaned against some bean bag chairs right under the open window, enjoying the birdsong and cricket chirps, they share their homemade creation, and better, more smiles and lighthearted stories. Like they used to, before highschool drama and all.

Nearing 4, Heather turns to her, uncharacteristically dead serious, and declares, “I hope he makes you this happy.”

The realness inspires Chrissy to do the prying now, switching roles, hoping her friend will open up to her in kind, “Does Jason make you happy?”

“/Jason/ does. Our parents practically arranging for us to be married from the time we were newborns, hm not so much.” Heather sighs, drawing her knees in. She doesn’t quite shut down, it’s more for comfort, self assurance, which Chrissy understands. She gives her space to collect her thoughts.

“He’s my guy best friend. And I love him. In more than the best friend way. It’d be stupid not to end up together. But god there’s so much pressure!”

“I think you should do the jacket thing too.” Chrissy offers carefully, “I’m doing it to prove /my/ date isn’t a one-hit creep. You can do it just to remind yourself why you love your boy. And that he loves you. ‘Cause I know he does, Heather. But I know you’re afraid he doesn’t.”

Heather has tears in her eyes and a sad smile when she looks at Chrissy, “What is with you quiet girls and secretly being psychics?”

Oh how Chrissy wished she truly were a psychic.

At the beginning, she wasn’t nervous at all. Her and Heather bullshitted all the time, it wasn’t anything serious. But they’re all four on a date, wandering downtown around the various second hand stores, a typical stop for one couple, and the complete opposite for the others.

Seemed as good a time as any to go through with their silly plan, it wasn’t like it would hurt anything. Except she’d tried all kinds of things to get Billy to give her his jacket, and so far, none of them worked even a little! Not browsing through a selection of jackets at the stores, not shivering dramatically, not clinging to his side either.

Chrissy felt a chip in her little heart every time, feeling like maybe Heather was right. All over a jacket. She’d have her heart broken for a little bit of wool and leather.

With her boyfriend's name on it. Her boyfriend who actually holds her hand, and tells her she’s pretty, and doesn’t creep his hands under his skirt constantly.

She doesn’t know if she could get over losing that.

Her gait down the strip is admittedly less spirited, lingering behind Heather and Jay, but Billy never leaves her behind. He engages her in conversation too, hair blowing all over the place around his face, “How the fuck do you go outside in this shit?”

Chrissy looks at him, wearing an amused little smile, “Like, ever?”

“Yeah /ever/, Princess.” Billy sarcastically, but lightheartedly bumps her shoulder lightly with his arm, “Jesus, I should take you to California. Gonna miss winters without tiny fucking knives falling from the sky.”

Heather doesn’t lose track of that comment for a minute. Excited for Chrissy, she tries to plant the seed for their plan,

“What’s the matter, Billy? You too cold?”

“Hell no. But I’m not a chick the size of a baby deer.” Billy remarks, taking the bait perfectly well, rubbing Chrissy’s arms and feeling how cold she is, “Shit, you’re fucking frozen, Chris. Here.”

And without even thinking he peels off his varsity jacket and starts to hand it over.

Used to the cold, and despite her excitement wanting to make sure Billy doesn’t get uncomfortable, Chrissy protests, “No, no, no. Keep it. I can’t let your California sunshine freeze over.”

Billy disregards that, slinging it over her shoulders anyways, “Yeah, well I’m not letting all the fuckin’ little pixies that fly around your head freeze to death either.”

Jason scoffs at him, turning around to walk backwards with the group, teasing, “Dude, what does that even mean?”

Without even looking Heather flicks his ear, getting his attention back, “Just because you don’t understand romance doesn’t mean nobody can.”

He looks at her like a kicked puppy, but Jason is nothing if not stubborn, “Pixies? Sunshine? What happened to- beautiful and charming and butterflies in the stomach?”

“I don’t know, Jason. Maybe you should fall in love again and find out.”

“Who would I fall in love with? Nobody can beat you, Holloway.”

Heather rolls her eyes, flicking her hair like an agitated horse would it’s tail, “Ah, see you almost got a couple points there. Almost. You’re in the negatives though for using my last name.”

He tries to recover it suavely, “I could call you Carver instead?”

But that isn’t Heather's way. She counters intensely, “No. I’m not being a child bride, thank you very much. Besides, who says I’m taking your name? Maybe I could call you Holloway.”

“The.. I- Okay.” Jason just sputters, turning pink up to his ears.

Behind them, still lingering a good ways back, Chrissy hums, warm and cozy in her boyfriend’s jacket, “What are they even arguing about?”

Billy laughs about that, shrugs his shoulders, “Hell if I know. They lost me a long time ago.”

“It’s funny. Heather didn’t think you were good for me, but she fights with Jason all the time.” Chrissy informs him.

Billy stops dead in his tracks. Gently uses his hold on Chrissy's hand to spin her around to face him as he fell behind,

“Hold on. Take a step back. Heather thinks /what/ about me?”

Chrissy’s nerves spike so quickly she gets a little dizzy, “Please don't take it personally. I want my two favorite people to like each other. Please.”

Her beau steadies her, instead of freaking out, “No problem. I just find it.. fuckin’ weird.”

“It’s because of the way you drive. And smoke. And act. She thinks it’s bad for me.” Chrissy blurts, knowing it’s unkind but needing him to believe that she had no part in it.

He doesn’t seem too phased by having Heather’s disapproval, apparently learning faster than most people do, “Big fucking deal. At least you know I love you, right?”

“Mhm.” Chrissy nods her assurance, standing on her tiptoes to kiss Billy’s cheek and seal the promise.

“Right. Tell her she’s the one making Jason cry his damn eyes out the second he gets tipsy on a sip of anything stronger than a fuckin’ soda pop. I’m tellin’ you, Holloway has ripped out his heart and shoved it up his own pansy ass.” Billy sounds bitter, but not overly mean.

It’s something he’s thought about before. Good to know the gossip street goes both ways.

It’s why Chrissy doesn’t feel too bad telling Billy now, “She doesn’t mean to. I think she’s scared.”

“Sacred of Carver?…. He hurt her?” His voice drops, as angry and mean as Heather warned her about.

They don’t talk much about serious things, serious isn’t their kind of fun, but Chrissy knows about Billy’s life at home. About the type of man Billy could’ve been destined to be.

She rushes to make sure he doesn’t turn on his own friend for thinking Jason was the same way, “Oh no! No, not at all. Never. It’s her mom and her daddy. They sort of forced her to date Jason. She wasn’t ready. I think she’s ready now and doesn’t want to admit it. ‘Cause that would be like taking their orders.”

“Fuckin’ parents.” Billy eventually grumbles, not knowing what else to say.

It seems to be a common theme in their group. A bonding experience for all four of them, whether or not they’re open about it.

Chrissy doesn’t really feel like talking about that stuff anymore, sort of just mumbling, “Yeah.”

Because Billy is perfect, and none of the things Heather says at all, and the actual bullies in their lives makes her want to just hide. Billy notices the drop in her mood, and silently slings an arm around her waist, pulling her into his side as they walk. Keeping her close. Safe.

Maybe someday things will work out beyond Hawkins. They have to. Winning the jacket was a silly, small victory, but it was a step.

Now Chrissy just wants, more than anything, her friends to be happy.

She holds onto Billy’s hand a little tighter.

The next time Heather and Jason get together, it’s for a study date at the end of that week. With Heather being a year above, the only class they have in common is the Biology two class Heather failed last year. There’s coloring sheets of bones and cells to be completed, so it’s not like they need each other’s help, but sitting on Heather’s bed coloring with colored pencils didn’t seem like a bad deal either way.

At some point, surrounded by all the color, Heather realizes something,

“Honey. We’re going shopping this weekend.”

Jason barely looks up from his work, focused on being neat close to the lines, “For?”

“Clothes. You’ve worn three white polos this week. I’m bringing some color into your life.” Heather pokes him with the flat end of the white pencil for emphasis.

Jason blinks, caught off his guard, “I wear green sometimes.”

“School colors don’t count. Yellow either.”

“I think I have, maybe, /one/ blue shirt.”

Heather digs in the pile for a turquoise-ish pencil, “Blue! Blue’s.. good! That’s definitely on God’s rainbow. Maybe a nice pair of blue jeans too, for once-“

That’s where Jason cuts it off. Because that’s where Heather went from playfully sharp to flat-out insulting, “Heather, please.”

She stays on the defensive, “I’m just saying. There’s nothing wrong with branching out from your choir boy uniform. That’s all.”

Sometimes it’s like she thinks if she pokes a bruise enough, it’ll make her seem like she’s strong enough to cause them. Like she’s all in charge and nothing can stop her.

Jason doesn’t want to stop her, he just wants her basic respect, “So what do you suggest?”

Not even sarcastic, just genuinely enthusiastic to share, Heather starts, “Pastels! Your hair is way too strawberry to be a dark dresser. Unless you go with emeralds, no more tacky green. Ooh, or even if you grow it out some! You know, actually-“

Jason runs his fingers over his neatly parted hair, protecting it, not hiding the concerned squeak to his voice, “No thank you, I happen to like my hair short.”

“Again, baby. Boring.” Heather just rolls her eyes, once again. Sometimes it’s like that’s all she knows how to do.

It stings.

“Look, if nothing I do is ever going to be good enough-“

Heather doesn't entertain that in the least. She slaps her hand over his homework page, making him look at her, “It’s not /you/. You know that it’s not you.”

No, he didn’t know that. Jason looks at her, confused, “What?”

“Just because you dress yourself, and you drive your stupid little station wagon around parading your image, doesn’t mean there’s not that voice in the back of your head. Maybe… maybe a tight fist too. Telling you what to do. You’re afraid.” Heather talks with her hands, just enough that Jason can see through it.

That she’s being showy to hide something.

Doesn’t mean he’s not been rendered self conscious and bare-souled all the same. He doesn’t like that, even after months with Heather not feeling safe showing her all his tender parts like that, “I don’t want to hear this from you.”

“Oh, so a girl can’t have opinions, huh? I should just spread my legs now and let something else do all the talking?” Heather heats the argument.

Jason just lets his head fall back, frustrated, “I don’t- You /know/ I don’t want that.”

“Oh please do enlighten me then, your graciousness.” Heather forces what Jason is thinking out of him.

So he lets it go, without regard to her feelings, even though he hadn’t wanted to, “Look, I’m not stupid. I know your parents are a problem, Heather. Everyone that’s read the paper knows Tom Holloway isn’t a kind man. You try to hide it, but you can’t keep it from me. And you can’t- just take it all out on me!”

“I wasn’t-“ Heather tries to backpedal.

He still doesn’t let her, “You were! You always have! Nobody has the key to the lock on your heart, but I’ve been trying anyways. And you just shut. me. down!”

“Jason…”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry we didn’t meet for real until high school. I’m sorry I can’t save you because I’ve got my own.. shit to deal with. But, and forgive me for using His name in vain, Jesus fucking Christ Heather!”

“Jason..” Heather repeats, clearly more misty eyed than before, and opens her arms. A hug is letting him in physically, letting him get close even when the words aren’t easy.

Mostly, she hadn’t realized Jason could read her as easily as she could read him.

He takes the vulnerability to mean it’s safe to say, “I love you.”

“I know.” Is Heather’s response. It’s not easy to say it back, not when she chokes on it every time she tries to say it to her ‘problems,’ let alone a highschool boyfriend she was never supposed to fall for, not in her own heart.

It’s enough. Jason keeps holding her, lips against her shoulder, “I’m sorry.”

Heather repeats herself, “I know.”

Nothing else felt right to say. Because she /was/ sorry too, but saying it second would feel ingenuine. At least, she’d read it that way.

She closes her eyes and feels exhausted. It’s not supposed to be this hard. Their school years are drawing to a close, and yet she can’t even admit her own parents treat her like shit.

Maybe a silent tear drop or two drips off the end of her nose behind Jason’s back. If he noticed, he didn’t say a word.

After a while, Heather needs to do something, sitting and thinking and regretting not doing anything to help, “Can we call Chrissy and Billy and go get some ice cream or something?”

“Sure. I think I owe that to you for keeping myself so.. alone.” Jason admits, bashful but genuine.

And isn’t that just the thing. Heather gives him a tiny smile back, “Ditto, baby.”

Ice cream ran into the evening, all of them itching for an excuse to stay out. Chrissy was the last to finish her bowl of two raspberry scoops with sprinkles, half of it melted into sludge by the last spoonful, and even that’s not a distraction enough.

It’s early spring, which means, as the group informed Billy, that the Hawkins drive-in theater was opening back up. Nobody even needed to discuss it to know that’s what they wanted to do. There were a variety of chick-flicks and even more horror sequels in the box office, which meant the two week delay at the drive-in would make for some good choices at least. Most Hawkins residents would take their trucks out there, not some prissy little station wagon, but it would do.

At least, it should, but Billy started getting impatient with cruising along under the speed limit out to the wooded hill where the drive-in is, “Can’t this piece of shit go faster?”

Heather turned around slightly to face and scold him, “Well, we coulda brought yours if you hadn’t decided to buy the extra tiny, no room for fun model.”

Billy just snorted humorlessly, “We could fit if there was any actual fun going on. Leaving room for the Lord or whatever is what fucks it up.”

For that comment, knowing their company, Chrissy pushed Billy’s arm gently. Still, she didn’t seem to disagree too harshly, since she smiled through when he kissed her next.

Heather seemed irritated, though that tends to be her default honestly, as she huffed, “Not everyone’s a sleaze like you, Hargrove. Get used to it.”

Billy hadn’t even justified it with a response, just waved her off and used the same arm to swing it over the seat behind Chrissy. She was wearing his jacket again, hadn’t taken it off all week, curled into his side and wearing his name. In that bubbly way she does, she was also wiggling her hands about, not nervous, but happy.

Content.

Heather and Jason still had a ways to go to reach contentment.

The pair stay in the car for the movie, their counterparts in a blanket on the grass instead. Cali boy is out there freezing his ass off, but he’d said anything would be better than being trapped with relationship drama.

Heather and Jason try to ignore him.

They fail.

Jason turns to her not even a full twenty minutes after that comment starts working it’s way under his skin, “Heather?”

“Hm?” She hums to show she’s listening, but doesn’t look his way.

That’s not enough for what needs to be said, so he repeats, “Heather.”

“Yeah, that’s me. You need something?”

“I wanted- I just…. I’m sorry.”

Her pretty features screw up in confusion, “For what?”

“For not being good enough.” Jason informs, like it was the most clear thing, “You’d be happier with a guy like Billy. Maybe you could call up Steve-“

“No, fuck you if you think I could ever leave you.” She spits.

And then she grabs Jason by the collar of his polo and kisses him.

It’s nothing chaste, nothing at all like their usual peck of the lips. This is roaming tongues and hands.

Heather reigns herself in when she feels Jason’s hands, holding her hips up under the back of her shirt, shaking.

“I’m not gonna make you do anything. Sex isn’t my endgame.”

He sort of freezes, like it hadn’t occurred to him that Heather wouldn’t mind helping him in his devotion to modesty, “So what is?”

“An apartment. Maybe get a cat. I want to share a space with you long before we do marriage shit.” Heather explains lightly, smile on her face.

Jason relaxes his shoulders, “Make it a dog and we’ll see. Dogs are better.”

“Oh, ha-ha. Make it one of each and I’ll forgive you for that comment.”

Heather kisses him again, without any heat or intensity this time, just gentle, soft affection. She even lets him touch her hair, despite usually slapping his hands away for that. It helps that she’d brushed it out to be restyled before bed tonight, but still, she would have let him even if her curls were laying perfect.

When they pull away, Heather lays her head on Jason’s shoulder. Instead of watching Cat’s Eye on the screen, her gaze falls to their friends huddled up outside, and she muses, “How much you wanna bet Chrissy and Billy run away into the sunset?”

“I hope they do. Hawkins is Hell on earth.” Jason asserts, clearly serious because he usually wouldn’t even mention a place like that.

Heather sighs slightly, “Literally. The kidnappings, the murders. I can’t take much more of it.”

Confident, Jason says, “I’m sure they’d make room for us then. If we wanted to go with them.”

That has Heather sitting up straighter, surprised, “You would live in California?”

Sunny skies, living free- it didn’t seem very much his pace. The order and the mundanity of Midwestern life seemed better for Jason.

He just shrugs for now, “Who knows? We’ll see when we get there.”

“And you’re okay with that?” Heather wonders aloud, as she knows it, finding that Jason prefers to have his entire life planned out.

He only sounds a little tense as he tries to sound brave and strong, “Getting there.”

The tension between them had to have been coming from there. She wanted nothing more than to rebel and escape, while he, even when he was feeling crushed by the weight of parental disapproval, was nothing short of desperate to be back in their graces.

If Heather could be more open to discussion when that made her uncomfortable, and Jason less complicit to begin with, the pair would probably be on the right path again.

She lays her head on him again, and this time, Jason takes his arm out of one sleeve of his varsity jacket, slinging it around her like a blanket. Her heart absolutely soars. The promise to Chrissy was fulfilled, she and her honey were working out just fine now, after she’d gotten Billy’s jacket.

That’s gotta be a sign that things will work out for Heather too.

“Hey, Jason?”

“Hm?”

She feels compelled to finally confess, “I love you.”

It’s Jason this time who, after a soft little kiss to her forehead, says, “I know.”

[lvminae]

Had an idea of RadioHusk where Husk is Alastor's guardian angel, and wrote some Thoughts of how it works out below :3

Note: Transman Alastor in this because I was partially working of horny Nun Alastor thoughts but it became like, part of the Story:tm:. And never ended up actually elaborated on.

got pretty long, and does briefly cover/imply abuse, murder, and cannibalism (as one should expect with Alastor).

Husk appears around when Alastor is born as a normal cat that won't leave the boy's side. People have definitely /tried/ to get rid of it, but it always finds a way to escape death and be around Alastor.

Alastor was in the care of his parents, until the loss of his mother at his father's hands. So Alastor takes his father's gun and kills him.

Now without anyone to care for him, Husk (still perceived as a normal cat) leads him to the local church. They are people of God, they should take care of the child, right? And Alastor is taken in by someone there.

It isn't the greatest way of living, and Husk definitely notices it takes a toll on Alastor. The boy (an angel will respect your gender even if no one else does) is being fed and given a home, yes, but it isn't all kindness. And it is infuriating because what is Husk supposed to do as a guardian angel when the people who are supposed to work in God's name are cruel or the ones that need to be guarded against?

So he takes a different approach. He leads Alastor away from the church one day, trying to find a secluded area that he can reveal himself to Alastor in. But something happens (my brain RN thinking of a killer stalking Alastor because he just happens to be out and spotted at the right time), and Alastor is in danger. So Husk reveals himself by jumping in and saving him (in this case, attacking/killing the person who intended to kill Alastor).

Also could be a reflection that, even though he is a guardian angel, Husk isn't gonna be a preachy one. He killed a dude after all; sure, to protect like he is meant to, but it isn't like that includes murdering other people.

Thankfully, we know Heaven doesn't seem to give a rats ass what their angels do.

Alastor stays with the church mostly because now he has proof that, at the very least, angels exist. And if he stays with them as a Sister, he continues to be kept safe and fed. But he sneaks away in the night to explore the town and discover his vices, all while Husk does little to stop him.

Alastor knows he may, and probably will end up in Hell. Husk doesn't think constant reminders are necessary. Alastor isn't stupid, and humans trying to use fear regarding what Hell may be like certainly hasn't done anything. In fact, it probably has pushed him further into misbehavior and sin.

So Husk simply is there at his side, acting as a guardian and protecting Alastor when needed.

Experiencing the world with Alastor leads him to temptation, and actually enjoying some of the darker things Alastor does. Leads him to justifying it in his own mind, enough so that - so long as it is Alastor doing it - the boy can do what he wants.

Husk's job is to protect him. Not anyone else.

Once Alastor has figured out how to live on his own and provide for himself, he returns to his family home, where Husk likes to lounge around freely. Being a cat definitely had its perks, and they seem to have stayed even though his true form is now revealed.

He watches as Alastor shirks the teachings of the church to study the Voodoo his mother had been a practicer of. At this point, he is too attached to Alastor to try and force him away from it. Doesn't really care what Heaven may think of it. He's been down here with Alastor for so long without a single word or order given to him yet, so why should he? Besides, Alastor looks so happy, opening up as his true self as he plays with these foreign powers and gains something that Husk cannot give him.

Plus, when Alastor is out hunting, killing, consuming his prey… He is happier than ever, glowing in his glory. Husk won't get in the way of that, either.

Of course, eventually Alastor dies and is sent to Hell, and Husk returns to Heaven now that his charge has fallen. The only reason he isn't sent to Hell is because Heaven can't be damned to take care of their angels, and technically he WAS doing his job as a guardian.

But now that they are separated, Husk seems miserable and doesn't do shit up in Heaven. They have everything there, why has he lost his luster? He can't be sent to guard someone new, he refuses. He'd rather tear off his wings and halo than risk getting attached to someone else. If he returns to Earth, they would lose this angel.

But he has become useless, and obsesses over this soul that is rotting in Hell. It's only a matter of time until he decides to Fall so that he can be with Alastor. He tries not to for decades, but eventually decides that if he doesn't, he'd rather die forever.

So Alastor has his guardian angel return to him, and together they indulge in their vices.

[deusluxuria]

Someone on here a while ago asked me if I could elaborate on a post I wrote about (anime) Fugo's Stand being a metaphor for some effects of trauma.

(I just now wrote a whole-ass thing in Evernote about this, and then Evernote damn ate the whole thing lol - I'll try to write a smaller thing then)

(Content warning: mention of p3dophilia / CSA in a fictional story)

Fugo desperately begged his teacher (who had already done something to him in the past) to leave him alone. His teacher didn't. That's when Fugo beat him with the book. Only to be ostracized for it, accused of "seducing" his teacher for better grades (when he was a child??), and exiled from his own family.

With Purple Haze, an embodiment of his rage, no one can come near him ever again.

Trauma can be infectious like a virus when we let it guide our rage to harm others -- rage makes the body strong, but the mind weak. Trauma can make us lash out to protect ourselves in ways that we may deeply regret later. Especially unresolved trauma; unacknowledged trauma.

Purple Haze is uncontrolled rage. Because Fugo can harm people with it, without the intention of doing so.

"If you don't heal what hurt you, you'll bleed on those who didn't cut you."

And unlike his teammates, he can't even safely throw a punch with his Stand. There is no way for him to use it without the possibility of harming people he's trying to protect.

The abuse of Fugo was never brought to justice. There were never repercussions. Things went in the polar opposite direction. So his pain stayed inward. And just as a balloon will burst if you keep adding air to it with no release, so will a person full of suffering that has been willfully ignored by everyone.

Furthermore... Fugo rarely uses his Stand. As if he's afraid of it.

He's ashamed of the unhealed parts of him that can make him dangerous even to his own friends.

Everyone on Bruno's team has a history of incomprehensible trauma. But it's clear to me from Fugo's Stand -- and from his refusal to follow his friends rather than a violent, tyrannical boss who tried to kill his own daughter -- that he doesn't know where to begin with his heartbreak.

Maybe he has never talked about it -- about the devastating betrayal by his teacher, his school, the law, his parents. Maybe he's never fully realized that the outcome was beyond unfair and that he didn't deserve any of that. Maybe he doesn't yet understand that there is life outside of trauma, or he has never had the chance to realize that.

I see him as someone who still thinks it's his fault (whether that's in his soul and not so much a conscious thing, or he believes it so much that he would tell someone else that he deserved his trauma).

Everyone was against him after he attacked his teacher. There was no one to confirm to him that his teacher was a monster and that he had been completely abandoned. It would've been easy for him to believe what the masses were saying about him, as he had no support system whatsoever.

There was no one to protect him. There was no one on his side.

It's possible that, because of this, Purple Haze is the way it is because Fugo never learned to control it.

Stands are representation of the user's soul. And Fugo's soul was lost, heartbroken, scared, and enraged.

[sommerregenjuniluft]

ok i'm back!! lune. lune oh my god your JP vision is everything to me, i can see him so clearly and i LOVE the fleamont/treasure/estate situation

i have additional questions: does he also have a fun name for the estate the way john b calls his house the chateau? who's who in the friend group bc me personally i can absolutely see sirius as jj and remus as pope and lily could be kinda like kiera (mainly in that like,, fiery and independent vibe she has) and i feel like for peter you'd have to kinda play around with some characters but i can totally see them as the pogues.....

and then regulus as sarah.... yeah..... please elaborate on the fucked up mentor/mentee relationship with riddle also please and thank you

miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllllll<3333 that makes me so happy to hear T^T

hhmmmm i havent thought about it, maybe we can come up with something! i love having little easter eggs that relate to something in canon. idk if hogwarts would be too on the nose HAHSAHA but i mean. it is an old, big house that kinda looks like a castle...... sjfds idk i'd love to brainstorm with u. and yes mil you read my mind. that's what i thought too regarding the friendship roles/gang composition. though i think it's fun to mix the backgrounds/family situations/relations to the treasure around a bit. i'd want lily to be the book smart one, the one with the scholarship opportunity and also i think i'd want her to be the one related to denmark tanny (or whatever the name will be in the au). but i want her to have had the kook year that kiara had, lily alone in the nest of the snakes. and possible give her something close to jj's family situation. or like, an apathetic parent perhaps. remus can have the poor but loving family that pope has, with lyall and hope<3 i dunno what else he has going on besides that for now, possible something disability wise? terminal illness.....the gears r turning. sirius is a mix and match again. in this au both sirius and regulus are orphans, lets say their parents died when they were pretty small, then it was their grandparents and at last alphard but it didnt take long then for regulus to get swooped up by tom (i'll get to that in a minute.) so sirius is living with alphard and he kind of has the relationship with him that kie has with her parents, sorta abusing his position in a relatively wealthy home and using up all of his resources for his family, his friends (here his inner jj swings with as well, he's so boundlessly loyal). now coming to reg. riddle is a big shot kook obviously, filthy rich but from rags to riches type beat like ward. and his thing is that every like 5 to 10 years he adopts kids and like sponsors them sort of? like a sick twisted version of carlyall from twilight. i'd imagine maybe he started out with an ophaned niece and nephew or maybe or distant cousins and then just. kept going because he craved the company and liked playing the role. sometimes it's more but mostly he adopts two at a time, a boy and a girl. cue, barty and regulus as rafe and sarah versions. now what i'm about to say next is a bit fucked up so feel free to dip jdhgks. when they're 14/15 barty and and reg have this weird little pseudo incest thing going on where they're dating sort of. or not directly in a romantic and sexual sense but it's wildly different from regular platonic and familial. and it's all a bit bananas since they have the same father figure yknow. so they live with riddle, they have dorms at his estate. but evan is also sort of in the picture. (kind of filling the spot where the topper character leaves a whole). and evan is,, idk probably in love with both of them. which is, again, twisted and weird and bananas. since theyre. adoptive siblings on paper. skjgjsd anywho! i'm still not sure what to do about wheaze and rose. i considered bellatrix and delphini (that affair child bella had with tom) but i could never make her barty's adoptive mom. she'd just encourage his psycho ass and then the plot would crumble in over my head. at this point i also wanna take whoever is reading this by the cheeks, look u deep in the eyes and remind you of the little rafe x kie (bartylily) crumbs we'd get when exploring the s3 plotline :3 oh! oh!! also dorcas as cleo. hot sexy badass, french/jamaican accent having goddess of a young women that lily pathetically immediately falls for. it's just a big ol' OH moment where lily is like. yo i'm into girls?!?!!!!! i've pondered for a long minute what to do with the pope x kie romance plotline and i think i'd wanna make it a mutual comphet thing. remus is pissed at sirius for rejecting him after they have an almost kiss after dancing around each other for so long and then lily is there so he takes the out.

((lmao tumblr told me i need a paragraph here, i really been yapping too much already))

and sirius can't say shit because he's the one that bailed on remus, so remus lets him suffer (and also punishes himself for advancing on him in the first place). and for lily it's just that it takes her a minute to understand that the reason she can't choose between her boys is not that she's an indecisive slut but that she really does love her boys all the same amount, just not in a romantic way. cue dorcas strutting in with her knife wielding skill and her criminally sexy little belly button piercing and her braids and. yeah,,,,.

i'm also thinking latino james possibly, lily being mixed ghanaian (1) (2) (3), cambodian black siblings, and remus can be the token causasian lmao. barty as well and evan will always be some kind of blasian to me.

okay before i come to an end i wanna talk about trans fem reg for a second though. i've been browsing the net and reading about mtf transitioning a bit to portay regulus accurately and give a good enough representation. in my mind regulus, in this au, noticed that she's different pretty early on. and what with having sirius and it being a very modern, 21 century au, her transition began rather early. medically it's typically recommended to start with testo-blockers around 15 and added estrogen at 16. and that's exactly what regulus does. like always, when taking hormones there's gonna be some side effects, unfortunately. thrombosis risk increases, your libido decreases and you're probably gonna be tired and exhausted a lot and also more emotional and sensitive, have a shorter fuse. regulus does a lot of biking and swimming in her free time against the thrombosis, preferably in their long pool at the riddle estate but when she's feeling good enough about her body she does like to take out the boat with barty and evan and beat them in a swimming race. she's nap queen, she's sleeping everywhere, all the time and when her and james start getting together he calls her sleepyhead all the time and in the most affectionate tone and it sorta just keeps being the main pet name he has for her. also the low libido/possible body dismorphia go very hand in hand with the sarah arc where she's unsure about having sex for the first time. all in all regulus is pretty snappy and thin skinned, emotinal. but it makes her passionate and compassionate especially, which james loves and adores. all of it. yknow how in s2 sarah and john b stay at that hotel and jb steals the phone. i want james to overhear a pair of older-ish women complain about menopause and their pills and then break into their room when they're away for dinner and steal regulus some estrogen pills. it's probably not the right dosage and reg can't take them but!!!!!!!!!!!! it's the thought that counts and to regulus that counts A LOT.

[youuuimeanmee]

RWTGI 34 Thoughts

😆🥰🤗 I've been waiting for Kirishima's past to be translated since forever 😭😭Now I can FINALLY talk about this chapter wkdbjsnsjsjk

Out of all the mysteries presented in this series (the hell's up with Suo Azami, Renji, Yoshino's parents, the brewing yakuza civil war), Kirishima's past is one thing that hyped me up the most; mostly because I've been dying to know the background this insane yet lovable(?) ML lololol.

⚠️ Though the title is Ch 34's Thoughts, I actually started it from ch 33. If you haven't read it then what are you doing here, go to MangaDex if you don't wanna get spoiled here.

⚠️⚠️TW; Bullying, Abuse, Self H4rm, yk how Kirishima is.

👏 Okay! So!

We FINALLY get to see Kirishima's rich ass mommy and daddy 🥳🥳🥳

(tho they don't have a face, I'll take it)

Looks like the parents are busy people, they missed the fact that their son is not normal since birth. That, or Kirishima is just damn good at hiding it. Maybe both.

"My 2 classmates are fighting over irrelevant things. Solution? Erase the thing without anyone knowing. No more things to fight, problem solved 🙂"

He has a shrewd moral compass, I have a feeling he was being genuine when he "helped" his classmates. Aww my cute baby gremlin.

Or if he wasn't being 100% genuine, maybe he tore up the cards to surpress his urges for violence, to ease the boredom he felt because he couldn't feel anything while living in a normal, peaceful life.

The parents slowly realize the abnormal blood that's been there since Gaku era has never disappear from their family.

Since Gaku is the black sheep of the family, Kirishima's dad prob thought: 'Oh fuck this is uncle all over again. No wait I can do this. He already released his energy using a good outlet (karate), he just needs to surround himself with good people. Friends, yeah. The school we picked is the best; surely there's no bad influence that's gonna taint my son. No more psycho #2.' Umm, I hate to break it to you, but daddy-

Ironically, the dad might be the first person who gave him insight about the feeling of having fun by being with a friend. Up until that point, he probably didn't know the feeling he felt when he did the karate. He did it many times, and the dad claimed he liked it, but he never registered it as 'liking something' until it was pointed out to him.

(just like when kirishima threw daggers at yoshino's back until she pointed out he might be jealous of Shoma and he got a little 'ahh that explains it' moment.)

Aww look at that probing eyes, trying to search the answer of his boredom from his dad 🥺

Let's be real Kirishima could really use a proper diagnosis and therapy back then, even right now.

The smile of a child who has found the spark of his life:

LMAO seriously, he smiles because Kodaka can kick hard. The more pleasure (read: pain) he gets from other people, the more he's gonna seek it.

But Kodaka is still weaker than him, so the pleasure ends quickly.

Enter Otogawa.

She's cute. Sweet. More importantly, she's important enough to trigger Kodaka.

She told him all he needed to know about Kodaka. Great in academics, gyms, and karate. Secretly violent too. Just like himself.

"He's just like me, so we matched right? We can be friends! 😃"

Kirishima be like: FUCK YES MORE FRIENDS TO FUCK.

Remember in ch 25.2 when Kirishima told Yoshino he once formed a "friendship plan" that went down the drain?

Whelp, looks like Kodaka is that "friend." We all know how that ends, tho.

Anyways.

Thus, began Kirishima's scheme to ✨️nurture✨️ Kodaka into a person who could kick him harder & also strong enough to not break easily. He befriended (read: flirted) with his crush, lured him into a desolate place, provoked him, stayed docile & easy to kick, yadda yadda.

Really an elaborate plan for someone his age, it's almost cute.

This moment of Kirishima and concealer really highlights his cleverness since he was a kid. If he buys a concealer for his bruise, it's too pricey for his budget. Parents will question unnecessarily if he were caught buying it. Solution? Pretend to return the high schooler's money (even though it's his own) so they'd do the makeup for him. Bruise covered, money covered, no one's gonna know ☺️ Little manipulative shit.

I was gonna feel sorry for him for getting beaten up, but then his innocent, excited smile turned me off so quick. Ugh.

(This is prob the beginning of his exploration to find new "fun" stuff to try. Like choking himself, for example.)

Kirishima is a pathological liar huh. Saying his birthday is in September even though it's in November. This really adds weight to his words earlier that he only revealed his true birthday to Yoshino 🥺🥲

Kirishima's plan to nurture Kodaka is going smoothly in this chapter. Maintaining good relationship with Otogawa, making him jealous and all that.

I bet bringing a 10,000 yen bill is part of the plan too, because kids need the motivation to keep coming back to him. Extorting a broke student is boring afterall.

It's been 300 days since Kodaka had beaten him up? Um. Excuse me what the fuck. With that many injuries, Where are his parents??? Did he ever get questioned at all?? Is Kirishima just that good at lying?? I'm sorry, but I also smell neglection. Intentionally or not.

Moving on, Kirishima is damn good huh. His fights like an adult, prob even better than some yakuza. He's 12. Let that sink in.

(should've seen it coming tbh, but it still surprises me.)

I wanna say he's so disgusting when he ripped the poor dude's ear (where on earth did he learn that?), but he's also my son, so...

Also, the art is so clean. My eyes is blessed, thank you Konishi.

I'm running out of gas. Yeah that's all for today! See you next time 👋

[itzpris15634]

Ah yes, Vinnie x Sharukh, please for 3, 4, 5, 10, 16, 29, 31, 41, 45, and 57

imma do this one first :))

hi boogie i read some of your shahrukh posts i'm taking those ideas now thanks

3. Do they wear the other’s clothes? (sweatshirt, bandana, necklace, etc.)

You already know this one, Mate. Next!

4. Which one is more protective? Who needs to be ‘protected'?

Just kidding, I'll elaborate more. Vinnie, well, obviously. This time is interesting, 'cause Shahrukh's wardrobe is mostly expensive designer stuff, even the more casual pieces. Vinnie of course loves it just because it's Shahrukh's clothing, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't taking it as an opportunity to try the stuff.

4. Which one is more protective? Who needs to be ‘protected'?

They're both pretty protective. Hear me out. In my human au, Shahrukh's been working in the film industry since he was a child, and it's not a very fun experience *cough* abuse and exploitation *cough*

Vinnie is protective in the sense he doesn't want Shahrukh to get hurt again. But Shahrukh tries to keep Vinnie safe, and making sure he doesn't make any stupid decisions like confronting those people. Because 1. Most won't give a shit anyway. 2. Some are still very capable of very dangerous things.

5. Describe their cozy night in.

The campfire in Shahrukh's big-ass living room is lit, and what are Vinnie and Shahrukh up to? They start the night off with some chiller activities- board games, jigsaw puzzles, attempts at painting. Some tasks are more frustrating than others, but they manage. And ofc, classic cozy cuddling in a blanket ^^

10. Describe their first date.

Their first date? THEIR FIRST DATE?

Gonna go with Shahrukh taking Vinnie to a fancy restaurant. The attire is picked out, and Vinnie is drilled on all sorts of etiquette he's got to observe while they're there. While he is excited, Vinnie doesn't really get the whole thing. Everything is so shiny, fancy, and has a strange feeling that's hard to explain. Still, he tries to make the most of it. Cause surely a restaurant this expensive has some good food, right?

...Yeah, no, it's not for him. So after that restaurant, he proposed going somewhere more casual. Like an amusement park or something.

They have a quick change of outfit (cause they are not going there in fancy suits) and they try to let loose there. They play a few games, burning money and barely getting any good prizes, but Vinnie is enjoying it. Shahrukh thinks the place is messy and noisy, but anything for Vinnie, right?

All in all, their date was trying each other's own ideas of what would be best. While they might not understand it 100%, it certainly was an experience.

16. Can they stay up all night just talking?

I like to think that they can :)) After a long grueling day of filming and dancing for each of them, while sleep is tempting, they have so much on their mind to share.

29. Who is more likely to jump in an elevator? Who freaks out?

Vinnie would jump just for fun, but only if it's just the two of them. If there are other people around he'll fear judgement.

So Vinnie is jumping a little. But as he tries to do it again, Shahrukh just grabs his head and pushes him down (in a playful sort of sense). The actor's a little freaked out inside, but tries to be chill and not get too mad at Vinnie.

31. Can they sit side by side without touching the other or are they handsy? (lacing fingers, touching knees, etc.)

They're quite handsy, I think. Lacing fingers, touching knees indeed.

41. Which one would take their jacket it off and drape over the other one because they were visibly shivering?

Vinnie is a cold boi, isn't he? He shivers a lot. Shahrukh does the jacket draping.

45. Can they fall asleep without the other?

Before they knew each other? Yeah, whatever. After? That's not too easy. The warmth, the love, the soft feeling of each other's skin... once they got used to it, it's hard to do without it.

57. Whose the serious one when grocery shopping and who likes to toss random things in the cart?

Shahrukh would usually have servants do all of his shopping for him, but with some convincing from Vinnie, he decides to give it a shot. Shahrukh, having never done this before, starts overworrying with stuff- a categorized list, a map of the store, and being super strict about sticking to the list. Vinnie tries to get him to have some fun with it, tossing whatever into the cart. Shahrukh is a little frustrated, thinking they're doing it wrong, but Vinnie is too cute to say no to.

I'll do the other one some other time ;))

[daddymus-mamatron]

Greetings, I come in peace. So...I saw your tag about a TFE plot rewrite on a rb and. I'm very intrigued. Please kindly elaborate 🙏🙏🙏 (Forgive me if I'm too nosy! Feel free to ignore this ask. ⁄⁠(⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠-⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠)⁠⁄

Oh it is a PLEASURE to talk about it!!!

Ramble under cut because it's going to be long

When I was in college I had a class on cinema and my brain decided it'd be my new hyperfixation. Now that'd be fun and dandy except I got a little too into it and all I can see is patterns, archetypes & trope.

Like there is maybe 10 movies/TV shows that I didn't see the plot twist coming from a mile away. My stupid brain pick up on the most minuscule details and unravel the whole plot in a second. Which sucks sometimes.

Enters TFES.

It's great but there's a few sentences/frames that drive me insane.

When they throw the Cons in jail after episode 1, the rest of the Decepticons must know about Mandroid, they'e so close in there and in later episode it's shown they can chit-chat easily

Megatron is nice now and that's it?!?!?? He hunts & imprisons Decepticons and he's free and it's fine?!?!? AND HE STILL WEARS THE DEECPTICON BRAND?!?!?!

Speaking of cells, I knew G.H.O.S.T. was iffy the *Second* they showed the empty cells. THERE'S NOTHING IN THERE NOT EVEN A BENCH OR SOMETHING WTF?!?!

Bee casually mentioning that Rumble exploded because Soundwave was low on energon.

Swindle saying they should wait for the 'plan' instead of breaking out after Hashtag Oops

Bumblebee carrying restraining bolts

Karen torturing the 'Con, how long did that go on for?!?! How come they never spoke up about the torture??!

On the same subject, Tarentulas mentions a gun that erase memories and then we never hear about it again

There's more but I have more things to say so moving on

*inhale* THEN!!! Then there's the deleted scene (The confrontation between Megatron & Shockwave + Soundwave & Starscream freeing Shockwave) THEN!!! Then there's the mentions in the official guide that were never explored/explained

SO

I said fuck it and wrote down all the things that bothered me, asked my pal @shotimus what other things she thought were weird/missing/not explained [Shots is the TF expert, I'm still a noob] and I threw that all together in a blender. Took my favourite parts of multiple continuity (IDW, Aligned/Prime, Shatter Glass, G1 & Earthspark) and made a 6k OUTLINE of the fic I wanted to write.

The one (1) thing I was doubting the most about the plot of the fic, is Starscream is older than Megs & OP in my AU. I saw a comment on Reddit once that blew my mind (goes like this: If we’re sticking pretty closely to G1-esque Starscream, it would be pretty easy to show some more of his motivations for being so conniving. 

Just show some glimpses of the life he imagines he should have and why he is so convinced he should have it, and there could be many specific ways to go about that. All you’d have to do is show why he’s like this—you wouldn’t have to get the audience to think he’s in the right or being reasonable, and it would be interesting.) Took that and ran with it. This post reassured me I wasn't too insane for making SS older

SO

So he's a golden child that got more and more bitter as the war went on and he was more and more abused. Because I have to torture my fav blorbo.

AND THEN S2 CAME OUT

It was so bad.... I have MORE THINGS TO REWRITE. Like Soundwave ripping the 'Con badge off Megatron. There's another thing I wanna talk about it's a surprise so I'll refrain.

And that's where I'm at OTZ

The fic in question is actually a whole ass series because I'm possessed with a demon and I must rewrite the whole show?!?!?

[tuberculocusts]

In that post about dimension 20's transmisogyny you mention Hank Green at the end and i was wondering if maybe you can elaborate on that a bit?? I tried searching around a bit but the only thing i can really find is him talking about medical misinformation :<

ok i will preface this by saying that i was being somewhat intetionally provocative because, divorced from any explicit wrongdoings on his part, I personally find him fucking insufferable. as someone studying in a stem field i find his scientific communication overconfident and at times alarmingly uncurious, and his progressive posturing and “harmless white boy” schtick leave a bad taste in my mouth.

So to be clear i am biased here by the fact that i think the guy’s fucking cringe.

The “child torture” i was referring to was his (scishow’s) advocacy for ABA (applied behavioral analysis), a treatment program for ASD which encourages (or more accurately demands) near constant masking from autistic children, in the interest of parents wanting a more “normal child.” there is a wealth of research showing this to be enormously harmful, and the premise of “treating” autism by enforcing “normal behavior” is outright eugenicist in premise. looking through the comments of that video alone, you’ll see dozens of people remarking that ABA is deeply dangerous and epistemically problematic, not to mention that the guy who created it apparently initially used it as a form of, i shit you not, conversion therapy.

Now, Hank does criticize ABA, mentioning that it *used to* use techniques like shocks or immobilization— that is to say literal physical abuse and assault, and even goes so far as to say that *some people* subjected to it found it unpleasant or dehumanizing, but he brushes over these criticisms incredibly quickly and continues to espouse its virtues, implying that he’s clearly not all that opposed to it. He mentions nothing about its relationship to masking and despite mentioning outright that the correlation between “positive” results and time in therapy is inconsistent, doesn’t think to attribute this to a fundamentally flawed methodology. Most importantly i think, he also fails to question or define what exactly ABA considers “improvement,” the only example of “negative behavior” he cites being “banging your head against a wall,” and that does not, based on the reactions of the autistics and even medical professionals in his audience, seem to be where its definition of “negative” ends.

The result is that the latter portion of an otherwise palatable (mostly — it treats IQ as a real and valid scientific metric, but I digress) video goes something like: “while Some People don’t like being bullied, demeaned, and forced to mask by medical professionals, as long as you sign ‘em up young enough, your little freak-ass kid won’t be weird long enough to know any better”

TLDR; he barely criticizes and tacitly advocates for harmful and at times outright abusive therapeutic practices for autistic children in the interest of making them “more normal”

[senseofnewness]

Just finished part 3 and can’t stop thinking about it. Honestly:

I truly don’t think reader can go soo long and not catch an ounce of feeling for Art. I think they both liked each just not nearly as much as they craved Patrick/Tashi. The whole [Art] not kissing her on the cheek and her noticing it and Art knowing that he’s with reader and still being head over heels for Tashi because she’s just something he cannot have. I’m not sure if I missed something, but in my head Art and Tashi had never gotten sexual because he’s ALWAYS went back to reader for his needs (plus Tashi did say it was nothing - and I would take her for a liar either.) Art is guilty of infidelity, mainly mental and reader is just fuckin’ psychotic. Art’s jealousy came out a bit more this chapter and I loved it. I loved seeing Patrick being open about his sexuality and basically admitting his crush on Art. They’re truly inseparable. I wish we could’ve seen more of Art and reader’s vulnerable side like in their argument where they both spat truths at each other. I had absolutely NO clue reader was walking around with battle scars on display for him to see. I completely understand her obsession with Patrick and him accidentally falling in love with her. It may be genuine on his end but it obviously isn’t on hers considering she has an un(healthy) obsession with him. If you ever plan on finishing this series, or if you ever wanted to just answer some questions - I have a few :)

- What does the future look like for Patrick and Art’s relationship considering Pat’s in love with Art and Art is oblivious (to everything/everyone it seems… but not really.)

- Will Patrick ever find out the reader is a freak or do we lock that in the chamber in live happily ever after?

- Once/If Patrick and reader do get together, will we get to hear Tashi and Art’s thoughts?

This is super long, sorry! Also, I read you saying reader was trying to convince herself that her and Patrick were much happier than Art/Tashi - can you elaborate or is that too much to speak on in honor of a potential part 3? 👀 The people wanna know…

wow that's a long message, almost as long as part 2

Oh I think she cares SO MUCH about Art especially the fact that he "doesn't" care (that's what she thinks), she cares.

Yes I can confirm it, Art and Tashi never cheated. They're the closest friends but nothing more. But they like each others but will never say it because Reader is there. Tashi thinks of Reader as a loving and adorable girlfriend and thinks it would be terrible to break her heart. Art, he thinks like Tashi thinks.

It was essential for me to keep Patrick queer and in love with Art because it would explain his attitude with Reader.

I didn't think Art was ready to talk back to Reader yet but who knows IF THERE IS A PART 3

Reader just didn't give a fuck anymore about hiding her relationship with Patrick to Art. Hell, she wanted him to see and leave her ass so she wouldn't have to break up with him herself. I don't know if you noticed but how easier it would have been for her to say "let's break up" WEEKS ago. She just couldn't because that would make her the bad girl of the story. She's obsessed with being the victim.

Patrick never had someone who is so attentive to him. (I imagine him to be a middle child) He couldn't help but fall in love with someone who took such a good care of him and believed in him. It is genuine on his hands but it is not healthy either. Patrick is more than once on the edge of verbal abuse. He has issues.

Okay, let's go with the questions.

What it looks like? I truly have no idea. I really want them to make up and be besties because they are so cute. Maybe once Art finally starts dating Tashi? Once they both get what they "want", they would be like "look, it's done now, let's just make up" but that would be too easy. I think the resentment would mainly be on Art's side because Patrick was sneaky and hiding stuff from him. While Patrick would always be welcoming Art with open arms. As for Patrick's feelings for him, I'm scared they would always be unreciprocated. To me, Art is way too comfortable living the hetero lifestyle.

Oh god, Patrick would find out Reader is a freak eventually but sometimes think it's endearing because she loves him so much. But I'm not sure he would find out EVERYTHING because now that she has Patrick, she has no reason to be as freaky. Maybe until she gets a new obsession but ........

In my mind, they do get together because it's too far gone anyway. As for Art's and Tashi's thoughts, we will only hear about those if they're willing to tell them to Reader's face. I expect Tashi to do so. As for Art, maybe in a desperate attempt when Reader decides to leave uni to be a full time tennis wife for a player who barely manages to feed himself.

As for my "potential part three", I didn't give it much thoughts. But one thing is sure, I want to get rid of the university setting. So I thought Reader being pregnant would be the best way to.

But we can simply do a time jump but I hardly imagine Reader having a career that is so not taking care of Patrick 24/7. And since she sucks at tennis, she wouldn't be a coach, so once again the idea that she's a stay at home mom came.

But she's not fulfilled, she got Patrick, she wanted him for years but now she's a shell of herself. She does not desire anything anymore. Plus, their relationship isn't the greatest. They have great sexual chemistry but communicating is complicated since they can't mention anything about the beginning of their relationship without Patrick hating himself. Maybe he also cheats on her while on tour because that's how he is. And she resents him because pregnancy ruined her body. But one thing motivates her when she hears that Art and Tashi got engaged : how she was RIGHT about them. And out of the goodness of her heart, Reader reaches out to Tashi and congratulate her because she's such a GROWN person and more mature and happier and fulfilled. Tashi just answers 'thanks' and oh she's pissed. And Reader is like "let's put everything in the past, look, i was your fiancé's girlfriend a lifetime ago, so long ago i almost forgot, now look how much better my life is without you two ahah". She's mentally deranged.

Thank you for your message ❤️