#(don't worry nobody actually gets roasted)

[ghostlyarchaeologist]

"You are in no position to make threats, friend."

Almost Paradise S01E03 Reef Eel Soup for the Soul.

[mayiluv]

Jealousy meter☆(Hashiras ft. Kamaboko squad)

Masterlist

Kyojuro Rengoku

█░░░░░░░░░ 10%

He isn't jealous at all ! He trust you! But he doesn't trust others just as much.

He often worries whenever he sees someone making you uncomfortable. If the person make it obvious that they are hitting on you, he won't hesitate to hold your hand and get in front of the person to proudly claim you (and to make you feel better).

"Sorry but they're taken!"

Agatsuma Zenitsu

█████░░░░░50%

He is possessive from time to time.

Like he do trusts Tanjiro and most hashiras (surprisingly) but he tends to get pretty jealous at strangers. Whenever he sees you talking to one with a little too much closeness, he run to get next to you and to kiss you. It's like you two are fighting now.

"Sorry [Name] I just wanted to make sure that they got the hint."

"Zenitsu that's my cousin-"

"THEY ARE ?!"

Sanemi Shinazugawa

████████░░ 80%

Man he's jealous...

He would clearly tell anyone that he judges too close to you to fuck off. He doesn't wants to share you. Even if you tell him there is nothing to worry about. He accept when it's the hashiras except Giyuu. I guess he got something against him.

"Get lost, she's already mine fuckface."

Genya Shinazugawa

█████░░░░░ 50%

That's a 50/50. It actually depends.

He's actually more insecure about himself and that's what makes him doubt your love for him. When he sees you with someone else he usually goes full on koala mode and stay gripped to your arm.

"When are we going?"

Kanroji Mitsuri

██░░░░░░░░ 20%

She's not jealous. She's scared.

She's scared you'll find someone better and when she sees you with someone else a part of her always feel like she's not enough. You can easily see when she's feeling down, and you just have to remind her with a hug and she'll feel better.

"Sorry! I'm just scared you'll leave me"

Obanai Iguro

███████░░░ 70%

He pretty jealous

Most of the time he'll send Kaburamaru around your neck and people get the hint. But if they don't then...he'll go give them the hint himself. And by that I mean he would roast the shit outta them.

"Back off. Nobody would want to date your dirty goofy no bitches no purpose no friends no standards person."

Tanjiro Kamado

█░░░░░░░░░ 10%

He's never jealous.

If you think Kyojuro is kind then he's another level. He's like a ball of sunshine, he would talk happily not knowing that someone was hitting on you. But he does feels a little insecure when je sees you with someone else. He won't say it but he would cling onto you a little bit more.

"Do you love me?"

Himejima Gyomei

░░░░░░░░░░ 0%

He trusts you 100% and being a man of religion he has no doubt in your love. He does tho wonder if he could satisfy you enough since he's blind. He's just as capable as any men but he gets insecure from time to time due to his past.

"I promise I will try my best to protect you [name]"

Hashibira Inosuke

█████████░ 90%

He is easily jealous.

No matter who he sees with you he'll be growling at them. But he doesn't quite seems to understand love at all so he wouldn't be possessive but he still do get jealous and will NOT be ashamed of yelling at anyone.

"How dare you talk to the great Inosuke Hashibira's partner !"

Kocho Shinobu

█████░░░░░ 50%

She isn't JEALOUS, she's just overprotective.

She's more scared for your health than jealous. She's scared that you get too gullible and will fall for traps and/or get hurts by them. Poor her will try to prevent you from everyone and remind you of stranger danger.

"I do trust you [Name], but I think you're a little too innocent for your own good."

Tsuyuri Kanao

████░░░░░░ 40%

She's not really jealous.

She isn't jealous but she doesn't like seeing people hit on you. There was once you knew she was jealous because she looked at the person talking to you and she was STARING. The person got afraid and quickly apologized and left. She'll deny any accusation.

"I did not do that."

Tokito Muichiro

██████░░░░ 60%

He's easily bothered.

He would see you with someone he judges too close and full on hug your side and fix the person with that one glare. As if to brat about his partner and how lucky he is compared to the guy, he may even bite on your neck while the person's here. As soon as you're gone he would stay and probably roast that person.

"You look like you're a grand grandfather/mother if she/he didn't pass away."

Uzui Tengen

█░░░░░░░░░ 10%

He's chill

He got three wives already so he got used to this feeling. Now he actually feel proud when someone's hitting on you and will full on start talking about how amazing you are and how he's lucky to have you.

"Yes they're flashy ! I totally get why you like them, such a shame they're already taken by me."

Tomioka Giyu

███░░░░░░░ 30%

He can get jealous from time to time.

He doesn't talk a lot, and even less express his emotions. So it's a pain trying to figure out what's going on inside his head. However when he's jealous, he doesn't really tell you he just act like nothing's happening because he judges it negative to tell you about it. If you manage to find out then, congratulations you made a new step in your relationship!

"Oh.... I didn't know, sorry [Name]"

Kamado Nezuko

██░░░░░░░░ 20%

She's protective

Whenever she sees someone making you uncomfortable she'll come by your side to hug you and glare at the person when you're not looking. If the person doesn't get the hint she'll probably start growling at them. But overall, she's adorable and let anyone talk to you.

"Mmhp mhp mmph!" (I love you !)

Talk to me!

[semisolidmind]

That anon made me think about a hypothetical scenario of Peng trying to move up on Reader, but tbh I don't think Peng would EVER stand a chance against the twice as bad AU monkey husband duo.

Azure contantly gets the L but he is nice to Reader + he's friends enough with the two warlords to not make them immediately consider killing him if he treats Reader a lil too nicely in the beginning.

He's suspicious but he's a likeable guy, so it's not too weird of him to be genuinely polite to the queen of FFM.

Peng, though? bro's getting COOKED. literally. He's not slick like Azure, if he tried anything it'd be over for him. He's a bird-shaped mean girl, so it would immediately draw suspicion on everyone if he suddenly started being super nice to Reader after being so vocal of his disapproval towards a human queen.

I bet Wukong and Macaque (especially macaque since peng likes antagonizing him so much) would love to have a reason to destroy him in a fight 💀

FR.

like, this feathery fuck could make that mental and emotional switch from "ugh, mortals" to "but this one's kinda ok/how funny would it be to steal her" and you can bet the boys (but mostly macaque) would be on them in a second. there is no way they wouldn't clock the birds' intent the minute the bastard sidles up to reader. they sorta trust azure, they're fine with yellowtusk, but the monkeys KNOW that you canNOT trust peng.

any time the bird has the chance to get reader alone, macaque makes sure to be there or at least within striking distance. he knows reader doesn't trust peng either (and why would she, after their history of shit talking and belittling her), so he's not worried about her falling for any smooth talking, but he is worried that they might cross a line.

i could see this situation coming to a head with peng making some sort of big move on reader, mac hears it and stops it, then challenges them to a fight (like a serious challenge, to the death kinda shit).

and while wukong wants to make that bird into a roast as much as his brother, he knows that it'll be important for macaque to beat the shit out of peng by himself. despite knowing how dangerous the monkey bros can be, peng continued to poke and prod and test the limits of macaque's patience. the monkey king won't deprive his brother of getting to serve some well-deserved comeuppance. in fact, he makes a sort of show of it, announcing the fight and inviting his allies to watch.

the battle is a brutal one. normally wukong is the one to fly into a jealous rage at any slight against reader, while mac is the one to keep a cool head. but this time, the shadowy simian lets aaaaall that carefully controlled anger out in a truly vicious display of power. the bird demon has a tough time keeping up with their rival's attacks. though both combatants take some heavy hits, it's clear that peng is losing.

like. macaque could beat peng to death here, and there really wouldn't be anything anyone could do. the bird broke a rule. they pissed off the wrong demon at the wrong time. given their history, nobody has any reason to stop macaque from slaughtering his rival, and it'd be within his rights to kill them for disrespecting his wife. wukong finds it all far too hilarious to do anything but laugh at peng getting their ass handed to them, and reader knows it's going too far but won't speak on peng's behalf (both because she doesn't like them and she feels like she has no right to deprive mac of his revenge).

azure would have to beg a pardon on behalf of his stupid chicken of a sworn brother before they actually die.

wukong is hesitant to grant it. azure knows what that birdbrain did. they laid hands on the monkey king's queen, and he knows wukong has killed others for far less. that miserable pile of feathers should consider themselves lucky that the monkey king hasn't joined in on their punishment. if azure didn't want his lackey to get beaten bloody, he should've kept them in check. not to mention the fact that peng has had this macaque-issued beat down coming for a loooong time.

by the end of it, peng is nothing more than a crumpled pile of bloody feathers in the dirt. azure and yellowtusk have to scrape them off the ground and portal back to camel ridge in disgrace and defeat. they don't show their faces on flower fruit mountain for a good long while.

as for macaque...despite being clawed, tired, and a little bruised, he reigns victorious. in his adrenaline induced stupor, still covered in dirt and blood, he storms right up to reader and steals a nice, long kiss. it leaves her lightheaded, his hands on her the only thing keeping her up. he huskily promises that they'll "celebrate his victory" later. reader feels a little faint.

wukong would normally protest his brother getting peaches all to himself, but after that fight? eh, he's earned it.

[newkatzkafe2023]

@lara-legomonkiekid

(Genderbend) What if Y/N's being harassed by a bunch of demons? But Y/N doesn't want to worry his wife about it?

You wife's enemies are your enemies as well but to think their dumb enough to mess with you😑

(Lmk Wukong) Ohhhhhhhhhh no your wife maybe be a bit of an air head, but she's more observant than she lets on. She can feel that their is something you're keeping from her, and she's gonna find out what, so she followed you to your outing, and she was quick to find the truth. You were currently fighting these demon thugs who have been messing with you for a good few weeks at best, and the second one of them punched your face. She flew into a murderous rage, and soon you both were surrounded by dead bodies. Now you'll have to deal with your wife's interrogation.

(MKR Wukong) Again,THEY WILL BE A BLOODSTAIN ON THE GRASS WHEN SHE'S DONE WITH THEM!!👿 you felt that you never had to tell your wife about the bullying and harassment. After all, you know how to take care of yourself in battle, but also, these guys were bothering you because they knew that they would die if they messed with her. So when Wukong noticed that you came back with some bruises, she immediately saw red and demanded to know what happened. You sighed and told your wife about your problems with these guys that were bothering you, and well, let's just say there was a large of mystery meat after words.

(HIB Wukong) Hmmm, well, this is very bad for the other people involved. Ever since your wife got her powers back, she became extra protective of everyone in the family, including you. So when she finds that you were being bullied by some low-life demons and you refrain from telling her because she's already stressed out. One day, you came home with a black eye, and Luier immediately freaked out and told Wukong what happened, and now their all dead☠️

(NR Wukong) Ohhhhhhhhhh nooooooooo people constantly forget how crazy dangerous she actually is, like seriously you would find her dragging a dead body every other week!😧😰 so you think people would stay clear of you as much as they do your wife, but we always have that one arrogant moron and one day they got the jump on you and messed up your clothes and face. You never got a chance to tell Wukong about the harassment because apparently she knew already, because when you came home you found her roasting a very familiar demon head and you put two and two together and now you mildly fear her.

(Netflix Wukong) Ohhhhhhhhhh nooo 🙅‍♀️ this is bad, those clowns picked the wrong ones because you're both equally violent. Since you're both Fiercely protective of each other, you're both quick to neutralize each other's enemies and problems. Which is why you were open to tell her that you were assault and injured but fought them all back and told your wife about it, but the second you saw those Wrathful red eyes....well you both about to catch a bunch of bodies. 😈

(BMW Wukong) INSTA KILL ENOUGH SAID!!! Nobody messes with her darling husband and gets away with it. Also I advise that you don't even bother to hide your harassment from her because she gonna find out either way. So when she finds the bastards who dare to lay a fearful claw on your sweet handsome face, she totally went Nuclear she totally ripped their faces off. Even worse then ever, she took full brutal revenge and made them an example to never f*ck with you ever again.

(Destined one) The destined one may be calm and collected out of the monkey woman, but she can be just as lethal when provoked as well. The best way to get on her bad side literally attacks her husband. You knew this which is why you avoid telling her about any of you minor issues not seeing it as a big deal, It was until you received an severe injury there is absolutely no way you can hide from her. You finally came clean to her about the whole assault, and told her not to worry about it, but she just kissed your wounds and left. After all that, you haven't seen those guys ever again, infact Nobody has ever seen them again...........It was like they disappeared of the face of the earth. You wonder what happened?😈

FEEL FREE TO REBLOG

[eyneyke]

Live reaction

Pairing: Max Verstappen x PewDiePie!sibling Summary: What if Felix had a genius brother who works as a RedBull's engineer and is also secretly dating Max part 40 of A Calm to my Storm Masterlist

It was a regular stream day for Felix and Jack. They were casually playing a co-op game, Felix talking about some random meme while Jack kept glancing at his second monitor, where he always had Twitter and some Formula 1 stuff pulled up.

Jack had been talking more about F1 lately — especially after hearing about the wild weekend Sam had had. He was a fan, though he tried to keep it on the down-low. But during this particular moment in their stream, something on his second screen caught his eye, and his jaw dropped.

Jack: "What the fucking shit—"

He ripped his headphones off, eyes wide as he stared at his other monitor.

Pewdiepie (laughing but also surprised at Jack cursing like that while they're live): "Woah, Jack! Chill, what’s going on?"

Jack (still cussing): "Sam, you sneaky little piece of—HE DIDN’T TELL ME!"

Felix looked at Jack, confused. His friend was freaking out, and while Jack could get animated, this was different. And did he mention Sam? Did something happen?

Pewdiepie: "Dude, what’s happening? It's just the game if that's bothering you. You are freaking me out right now. You have never been a sore loser."

Jack: "No, no, no, it’s not the game! It's... Dude! Sam—your brother— he was DATING Max Verstappen this whole time!"

Felix's confusion grew deeper. Sam... Max Verstappen? What?

Pewdiepie (frowning): "Wait, what? Sam and Max? They’re, like, just colleagues, best friends, whatever, right? Why are you freaking out? Don’t start shipping people, dude."

He shook his head and clicked back to the game.

Jack (frantic, shaking his head): "No, no, no! I’m not making this up! I just watched the post-race stream—Christian Horner, the team's principal slipped up, and just OUTED Sam and Max! They’re not just friends, Felix, they’ve been together! Max is Sam's new boyfriend!!!"

Felix paused mid-action in the game, the pieces finally starting to connect. He knew his brother had been dating someone, and sure, Sam talked about work, but this?

Pewdiepie: "Wait, what?! Like... Max? The guy driving the car fast? Dropping him off in private plane and makes internet crazy about Sam's horrible boyfriend is the actual boyfriend?!"

Jack (practically vibrating with excitement): "YES! That Max! The Max Verstappen! Your brother has been dating him and didn’t even tell us! I can’t believe this!"

Jack leaned back, still cussing and laughing at the absurdity of it all, while Felix was left dumbfounded.

Pewdiepie (stunned): "I… I had no idea. He, he didn't tell me... Why didn't tell me?"

He blinked a few times, absorbing the news. "Wait, Sam never even mentioned it? I mean, they’ve always seemed close, but dating?"

Jack: "Yeah, and the fact that this whole time Max has been roasting himself as Sam’s ‘bad boyfriend’ in interviews and NOBODY knew it was him!" Jack was practically beside himself with excitement. "I swear, Sam’s kept this from us on purpose! He knew we were worried."

Felix was quiet for a second, clearly trying to process all this new information about his brother.

Pewdiepie (smirking, shaking his head): "Well, looks like Sam’s been playing a long con on all of us. I’ll have to give him a hard time about that." He chuckled, clearly amused at, and over, the idea of his younger brother keeping such a big secret.

Jack (jokingly whining): "Dude, I just realised... Max Verstappen is your brother in law. That is so not fair, you don't know shit about formula and this happens? Leave Marzia and marry me so that I can celebrate Christmased and other big holidays with you guys."

Felix rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help but laugh too. The whole situation was hilarious. Sam, of all people, had been dating the Max Verstappen and managed to keep it under wraps this whole time.

Pewdiepie (laughing): "Man, I’ve never even met the guy, and now he’s not only my brother’s boyfriend but and in-law already? What a day."

Meanwhile, fans in the chat were freaking out too, spamming the comments with excitement, shock, and laughing emojis.

Fan 485: "OMG Pewds’ brother is dating MAX?! WHAT!?"

Fan 486: "What's killing me is the fact that Jack was waching F1 stream while streaming lmao"

Fan 487: "Jack is all of us right now freaking out about Sam dating Verstappen!"

Fan 488: "Pewdiepie’s reaction is PRICELESS."

Fan 489: "I love how Pewds is just like ‘I didn’t know,’ while Jack is losing it lmao"

---

Pewdiepie (grinning): "Alright, alright, calm down in the chat, I guess we’ll have to ask Sam about it when I see him later. I can’t believe he’s been sneaky about this whole thing."

Jack (laughing): "You better! I NEED the full story. And ALL tth details."

The stream continued, but there was no hiding how much of a bombshell this news had been for both Felix and the fans watching. And while Felix may have played it cool on the surface, the wheels were clearly turning in his head — Sam had some explaining to do.

---

Meanwhile, Sam and Max were watching Felix's stream back at their place in London, laughing at the chaos they’d unleashed. Neither of them cared about the public finding out — they’d kept their relationship private for long enough, and if the world knew now, so be it.

Max smirked as he leaned back on the couch, watching Twitter explode.

Max (teasing): "So, when are you going to introduce me to your brother?"

Sam (laughing): "Oh, I think you’ll meet him soon enough. Just don’t burn toast when you do."

Max grinned. "No promises."

[alviearts]

Hi! I was trying to figure out the least awkward way to talk about Silver gender stuff and settled on this but please don't feel like you have to answer publicly if you don't want. So it's in this series, which basically takes off from the idea of Flint teaching Silver to cook after the pig roasting scene - Silver goes to him and says if you want me to keep up this illusion you have to keep teaching me. There are definitely hints in the second installment, but it's the last chapter of the third one where it really goes all out; Silver ends up dressed in silk and jewels from a prize, and gets treated like the pretty princess he deserves to be 🥰 I'm really interested in Silver's relationship with gender because of how he plays with identity in different ways, and how he sort of refuses to engage in some of the classic hypermasculine pirate stuff, he doesn't claim to be brave and tough and able to fight, that's not where his power comes from, in fact he actively undermines that image with the addresses and such, he gets by being charming and nonthreatening which can be perceived as a more feminine way of moving through the world. And I'm interested in how that interacts with some of the softness we see from Flint in private, even though he IS projecting that hypermasculine image as captain to some extent.

Anyway sorry for rambling, I'm obsessed with that art and I'm convinced it would taste of the same lovely lavender as the shade of the dress <3 Thank you so much for sharing, and I can't wait to see a version with the fancy prosthetic if you end up doing one.

Oh PS that fic also references Flint doing some gender play stuff in London with the Hamiltons... a favorite headcanon, he would love to be able to take a break from the roles he assumes... there is so much potential for both of them.

YAYYAY SILVER GENDER TIME

ive actually read that series!! and i love it, its so good! it definitely made me want to draw silver in a dress even more. (tho i'd already designed the dress before reading it)

i love the observation that he doesnt engage in the typical pirate masculinity, or place his worth in his physical strength or battle prowess. some characters in other shows would be highly demeaned for moving through the world this way (cough cough starscream transformers) but silver isnt--he's shown as a formidable enemy, both to flint at the start of the show and to anyone who would oppose him at the end... including, again, flint. who is, like you said, projecting a hypermasculine image as captain. even if that isnt exactly who he is inside, he places his outward worth as captain on his ability to intimidate, his ability in a fight, his success by typical pirate standards. so the fact that silver, who makes his success in a more stereotypically feminine way, triumphs over him is interesting to me. normally feminine men, men who move through the world the way silver does, would be demeaned by the characters and the plot, shown to be incompetent or lesser. but not in black sails <3

and im so glad you like my painting, i loved making it but was a little worried that nobody would like it or see value in it due to the ahistorical nature and, of course, the fact that i drew a pirate in a dress--WITH leg hair which. people seem to think if you wear a dress you cant have leg hair. which is weird lol. i didnt want to play into that. i think hairy men can also be femme and wear dresses and they look good doing it <3

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

I need to scream about this event (Friends Like These) because I truly was just. Not expecting the impact it would have--I don't remember if I read this one in Japanese???

I've only gotten the first two stories so far but I just.

Jeanne and Mozart are of course, as adorable as ever; there's no question about that. But Jeanne dropping this line:

"It galls me to sound so much like le Comte, but I am grateful to God that I met you."

I. [prolonged error 404 sounds]. I'm not sure there are words to convey the simultaneous endless wheezing laughter but also AWWWWWWWW energy that consumed me in milliseconds. Wildly oscillating between "LMFAO ah yes, sentimentality? Disgusting I'll drink to that (blasts Bring Me To Life)" and "BECAUSE YOU LOVE HIM DEEP DOWN AND HE LOVES YOU WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH."

I just can't get over how Jeanne says exactly one thing about liking another person and he's like, 'ew dad gave me cooties >:///// how dare he subject me to the mortifying ordeal of hope.' Jeanne I love you. Jeanne I would die for you. Middle schooler with well-meaning stepfather who begrudgingly accepts his kindness and grows for the better, but would rather perish than admit it. I never knew I needed this found family dynamic so freaking bad until I started playing this game. 11/10 I could watch this forever

More Shenanigans below the cut, + the Shakespeare and Comte Event Story:

Also a sidebar because I just can't help myself, I know I've talked about it before but: Mozart and Jeanne's friendship is so endlessly precious to me????? I love how Mozart is so NO I'M NOT NICE REEEEE (turtles) and Jeanne is like :> bestie. It's so damn cute watching Mozart squirm at being exposed for being sweet and Jeanne just truly grateful someone cares about him?????? How much Jeanne and MC dote on Mozart despite being together, how it only strengthens their friendship? Literally I'm over the moon, nobody touch me I'm tender!!! Jeanne deserves to live peacefully without being a tool of the state/bad actors!!!! Mozart deserves to be loved and happy without being defined by his musical success!!!!!

LIKE. Not to be dramatic but I could watch an entire saga of these two being friends and being adorable. Fresh serotonin every single time. Did I know Jeanne was going to share his food? Absolutely. Did I expect MC to think ahead and pack two lunches? Absolutely not. Was I delighted both times? Beyond what you can imagine!!!!!!!

I'm going to stop here at the risk of repeating myself over and over but wow. Jeanne's capacity to see to the very core of people, for better and worse, and how it lets Mozart be meaningfully seen. Mozart's recognition that Jeanne can mean well to a fault, worried that he might be taken advantage of--and how Jeanne can build trust with someone for the first time without being afraid. Can you hear me wailing and bawling

Naturally, I acquired the Comte and Shakespeare one next. Now, I'm gonna be honest, I saw their names together and went "oh dear God. What am I walking into. Why do I hear boss music????" But I gathered my courage (more like I'm just too feral not to gather info abt Comte, but I digress) and experienced something that left me literally on the floor because I just. Did Not Remotely Expect This Series of Events.

So like. It starts off by being pretty normal and cute and I'm like awwww baby boy (oh he's a little fked up actually) giving gifts to dad. I'm sensing an ulterior motive but right now just let me have this. Also adorable that Comte is struck dumb by it, that's really cute I'm taking notes. And then. I was hit with the veritable ANVIL that was these next few lines:

deep breath Okay. Where to begin.

I LOST IT at the implication that Will was like. Holding back from ending Comte's entire life with mere words. WILL????? WILL P L S??????? (lowkey wanted to hear the roast snickers) Why am I sensing a pattern that Comte loves spicy people??? Love this for me

I also started losing my shit the second MC was mentioned and you could just hear the record scratch/kill bill sirens. Comte really out here like "son say WHAT about MC." I can't get over how he's always so ready to throw down for both MC and Sebas at any moment. Anywho, naturally I come to the conclusion that Will was just trying to one-up Comte to mess with him by giving MC gifts. It was the one thing I did anticipate--and, fool that I was--thought it rendered me safe from what happens next.

DEAR READER. DEAR READER I WAS SO WRONG. I WAS SO TERRIBLY WRONG.

BABY GIRL. BABY GIRL ON WHAT LEVEL IS THIS NORMAL BEHAVIOR. I'M LITERALLY CRYING RN?????? THE FACT THAT I CAN'T TELL IF HE'S JUST BEING SILLY GOOFY OR HE LEGITIMATELY MEANS IT OR SOME COMBINATION OF THE TWO????????

Mans out here like "I lost everything in the war (literally) let me spoil my girlboss dream gf in peace. Vlad took everything in the divorce let me have this pls." I just. The mental image of him chasing Will around the house. The potential implications of him doing this to protect them both (I love you Will but you have. Problems). The HILARIOUS AND DUBIOUS qualifier when he says "dressing up MC is nearly my entire reason for living." Comte I love you more than life itself but that does not make this any more normal. What are you doing my beloved vampire jkhlhalfdhjfg 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Also an honorable mention moment, because it was endearing:

Just the img of him wandering around with sparkly eyes and toting home little trinkets for everyone??????? He's so cute, that's the most grandpa behavior I've ever seen. I was chortling when Will was like "sir you made me sit in that cluttered carriage followed by another carriage full of stuff all the way home IT'S TIME FOR REVENGE (affectionate)."

I also love how Comte is like "Do I have a problem? Maybe. Will that stop me? Only when the sun cataclysmically swallows the earth."

Literally half of the members of the house are like "why are you like this" and he just heeheehoos his way out of it. How does he keep getting away with it. Can you tell I love him. Dazai isn't the only clown in this house honks Comte's nose

[avenin7]

Stupid mod au questions to answer at your convenience - road trip edition.

*Which characters can/will drive?

*Who chooses the music and what are they playing?

*Who inhales car snacks the whole jorney and who gets super car sick?

*Who is antisocial and wears their headphones the entire time and who talks nonstop and tries to get everyone to play games?

*Who has a steel bladder for like nine hours and who shamelessly pees in a bottle?

*Who takes the night shift driving?

*Who demands they stop at McDonald's and what is everyone getting?

*Who conks out and sleeps the whole jorney? Who takes gratuitous photos of them to upload to Instagram?

*Who gets unbearably cranky being in a small space with other people for too long and ends up in a fight?

*Finally; which song comes on the radio that causes them all to have to sing along?

Hii! Thank you for the ask! I wanted to do some art to go along with it it but I am burnt out haha. I've actually thought about this a lot actually!!

As much as Daruk would want everyone to carpool in his van, nobody trusts that shitbox to not explode within 60miles, so they take Link's subaru. Drivers would be all of them but location decided who's driving where. Revali, Urbosa, Mipha, Daruk can all navigate in cities pretty well (Daruk REQUIRES directions or else he will pick a direction and just drive endlessly). Link and Zelda do better with highway driving. They don't like last minute changes or not knowing where they're going, so being on the highway and cruising is preferable. (Link has really really good navigation, he just gets overwhelmed easily).

I would say they are probably listening to Urbosa's music the most. Second is probably Daruk. They both lean towards r&b music and pure chill vibes which is good for driving. (NOT Mipha's Rob Zombie or Link's Skrillex). They play that stuff when they're trying to stay awake at 2 am

Daruk & Link are the car snack demolishers but also surprisingly Revali as well. He mindlessly eats to keep himself engaged while driving (especially if nobody is actively talking to him). The rest of the group is eating junk but Revali & Urbosa are snacking on roasted cashews and spicy pickles like the freaks they are. And also speaking of food. When on road trips dietary restrictions kind of go out the window for sake of convenience. So nobody is really worried about "oh McDonald's is unhealthy" because theyre most just wanting easy calories for cheap. They usually just get a massive order of like 40 chicken nuggets and several large fries and plain burgers to share. If anyone wants anything specific they order it for themselves. (The amount of sauce packets lost in Link's car is unreal)

I think they'd all go in shifts of being antisocial and overstimulated. Having to take frequent breaks to stretch and get away from each other. But Link probably wears his ear defenders the most when he's not driving. Mostly cause even if everyone is quiet there's still going to be noise. So surprisingly he gets the most bickery and angry with people. Snappish. Revali or Mipha would probably try and get people to talk the most. Revali because he gets really bad highway hypnosis and so talking helps him. Mipha because she just loves making up games. Also she and Link are the ones to yell "cows!" every time they see them outside. (while Link reverently murmurs "horses" whenever he sees a horse)

Revali and Urbosa share nightshift driving duties. They both have the best eyesight and enjoy the quiet. Mipha also does too and her & Revali have had some really good heart-to-hearts while everyone has been asleep.

Link I think would want to conk out but can't, so Daruk does. He would be out and snoring the entire drive. 16 hours. He doesn't give a fuck. I think Zelda or Mipha would be the instagram photo girlies. Wanting to capture the moments (especially Mipha, she has a passion for photography). Revali only takes cringefail photos of everyone for blackmail xD

any song by Shania Twain or Lincoln Park is screamed at top volume. Also Eminem, 50 Cent, Sean Paul, Post Malone. Nobody is a Swiftie but if somebody had to be, it would be Revali 100%. (I have other songs and artist but I can't think of any right now TAT I do have a playlist of au music)

Don't Stop Believing by Journey is another song everyone screams and Bohemian Rhapsody. Pink Floyd is a particular favorite of Daruk, Link, Urbosa

Oh! I forgot! Link and Zelda can hold their bladders the longest. Daruk/Revali are both peeing in bottles without a care. Urbosa would but she doesn't have a device to help. Mipha thinks they're all gross and unhealthy in their bladder habits.

[toastess-with-the-mostess]

Let's Rewind! Toast watches Voltron: Defender of The Universe (1984)

Season 1, Episode 47: Summit Meeting Season 1, Episode 48: Return of Coran's Son

Episode 47: Summit Meeting

Ew, why are we focusing on the galaxy garrison again, they don't do shit anyway oh lore, Zarkon (and planet doom) isn't even PART of the Drule empire, and he's considered a criminal so he's not getting any help from them

HELLO?? SOMEONE ACTUALLY WANTED TO HELP ARUS WITH GARRISON FLEETS, BUT WHOEVER THIS GUY IS FUCKING SAID NO BECAUSE HE WANTS TO SEE HOW ARUS AND THE REST OF THAT SIDE OF THE GALAXY CAN HOLD UP BY BEING A UNITED FRONT THAT IS THE WORLD'S STUPIDEST REASON FOR NOT OFFERING AID, ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I hate the galaxy garrison all my homies hate the galaxy garrison someone reform the entire fucking group

oh, look it's Bandor who's doing diplomatic things in Pollux's name, how cute. I like to think Romelle is now crown princess taking care of things home side while Bandor learns to be a better prince and goes off elsewhere to take on princely duties

The start said ALL planets on Arus's side of the universe were going to be present at the meeting, but there's like 5 planets total including Arus already It feels way too small for just that side of the galaxy, so I think I'm gonna say those are the diplomats whose planets were brave enough to send someone for an alliance

the clapping is so funny because it's so very obvious they did it in recording and nobody actually clapped that hard, so it's so half-hearted for a scene that's supposed to be moving 😭

I'm sorry, what the fuck is happening?? Is the team split? Coran doesn't want allura part of the force anymore (shocker) and he wants to take her place but Keith and Lance seem against it because of his skills at the castle but hunk and pidge just said that they can train a replacement for him and that allura has to prioritize being a princess?? There was no argument??

Oh, I lied there is a debate between coran and Keith, he keeps saying voltron could be destroyed and if Keith keeps insisting allura stays on the team her life could be horrible because of Lotor I know she was never gonna leave after so long but thank god Keith was able to get through to Coran even a little, amazing food for the KA shippers too lol Keith just confirmed he was more worried about allura than her father-figure

VEHICLE VOLTRON MENTION I LOVE THIS Thank you Hazar for being so smart and not giving Zarkon any back up, you guys are dealing with the environmental fallout on your own planet (that you created but shh) and he's not doing shit to help

LMAOO KILL HIS ASS ZARKON, not lotor thinking he could reason with allura to a surrender and zarkon knocking his ass down a peg because "[lotor's] biggest handicap is that the princess is bright"

Haggar is always devil's advocate for lotor man, maybe she helped raise him or something aside from her being devoted to planet doom / Zarkon Also, Zarkon agreeing to lotor's mission with "i was young once" only for Haggar to say she was never young in the first place is WILD, maybe she's a rebirth of another person and thus "was never young"

oh, I didn't realize the scene that happened before Zarkon roasted Lotor was actually real, he sent a robot double of another ambassador that was "supposed" to make it to the summit meeting during a celebration, but a tank stationed nearby was taken over, and it blew up the ship once everyone saw who it was not a bad way to get a warning across from doom, i'd be fucked up over that too if I were the princess

oh, thank god I was gonna start yelling if Keith was telling allura to stand down from blue, he was just asking about her resolve to be a pilot after that attack, and she's definitely strong enough to keep going PLUS BLACK LION ALLURA ONCE AGAIN AT LAST RAAAH

and very short live goddamn it, black lion was sabotaged, and now she's knocked out because of being unable to control black now I have new ideas for their future >:3c I wonder how susceptible each lion is, especially since black is supposed to be the center

premonition from dead dad time, now she's running off because he warned her that lotor was on his way, honestly I thought she'd stay but guess not not that she can get away from lotor though, because he finds her anyway

I love Keith so much he's so cool, he's doing his best to be gentle with allura even in hard situations, plus the "out of the way princess, now" definitely had the right feeling behind it to show how series the fight between him and lotor is gonna be

oh keith is ACTUALLY hurt this time, that's wild

EVERY TIME I AGREE WITH ZARKON IS A TIME WHERE LOTOR GETS HIS ASS BEAT "but i took down the leader of voltron" "and let him live dipshit!! now they're gonna prepare harder!!" honestly zarkon has the right idea with calling his ass out every damn time he makes a mistake which is like every fucking episode we see lotor

"the doctors are saying it's mainly lazer shock" "that's like saying its only an earthquake" clearly wherever lance is from he isn't from anywhere with regular quakes because it TRULY isn't that serious since those places are prepared, now if its somewhere where they DONT happen that's when its time to get worried

"it looks like lotor is back and he's brought something horrible to do the fighting this time" see i was gonna trash on coran because when does lotor ever do his own fighting but uh,, keith is comatose in the castle so he's spot on this time

"black lion can do it alone, i know black lion can do it" Allura are you going stupid because you feel like it's your fault keith is hospitalized because that's the dumbest train of thought when you KNOW the legends are about unity

goddamn keith is RIPPED, no wonder so many people took a shining to him (aside from the happy-go-lucky, must always be peppy attitude he has)

(lance staring at keith whos making his way to launch blue) Keith: snap out of it lance! Entirely out of context that's the gayest shit imaginable for a 80s cartoon, and I choose to believe the rest of it is him being worried about his best friend fighting so soon after waking up

AT LAST ALLURA FORMS THE HEAD this is so great for her, im gonna use this for so many ideas

and just as soon as it starts, the fight ends i like the idea that the fights are so short but i love drawn out mech fights so i wish there was more to it

was the new alliance only official if voltron won?? that's stupid as hell if the team lost everyone would be DEAD

/episode end

Episode 48: Return of Coran's Son

Episode opens with the team egging each other on for a race back home, you guys i love this losers to much

damn why is allura always in these situations, blue essentially broke down and she spiraled into a crash after we see this yet unnamed character sabotaged? magic? mayhaps

I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ONE JOINT THAT BLEW UP NOT ALL FOUR WHAT

oh great nanny's back, for the love of god get RID OF HER ALREADY. she's right though because how the hell did the boys not notice allura was gone AFTER she sent out that distress message

mysterious new guy saves the princess, though she's smart and gets him to back off just in case also the team plus nanny and coran get there in another ship helicopter thing?? use the damn lions atp

Mystery man is named Garrett! And ofc lance doesn't trust him, which means you immediately listen to lance because he's ALWAYS RIGHT

lore time, Garrett apparently is the son of a castle worker and once zarkon attacked when he was a baby only he and his mother were able to escape, except eventually zarkon found them and everyone they were hiding with and he was the only one lucky enough to escape saying this because Coran thinks he seems familiar and has a son that would be his age. honestly i'm just glad we're getting him timeline for the start of the attacks on Arus, this dude isn't any younger than his early 20s at most

oh indirect confirmation that garret IS his son, also corans wife was named Leeda (Lita?)

YOUNG CORAN LOOKS LIKE HANDSOME SQUIDWARD WITHOUT THE CHIN also why are all the women love interests/wives in this show blonde

aw poor coran, i may not like him a whole lot, but in the end he's doing what he thinks is best. he really does miss his wife and kid, apparently hoping that they're still alive is too much for him

i know this episode so its no surprise that they're training him for blue lion but GUYS i thought we were over replacing allura she's literally the best you got, aside from Garrett's apparent natural skills at shooting down targets also pidge makes the comment "it's almost like you've done this before" which is wild because no way they're insinuating that infant garrett did target practice

please why did they give him svens uniform 😭 i know it was probably their only spare but GET HIS ASS OUT OF IT

and now actual confirmation that Garrett is his son, coran gave him a pendant heirloom he had before they evacuated and we're seeing it again now

oh boy i know they weren't trying to mention religion in voltron but AINT NO WAY THEY ESSENTIALLY MADE KING ALFOR A DIETY TO REPLACE ALL THE CHRISTIANITY REFERENCS IN THE ANIMATION LMAOO i think it was called the divine right of kings where royalty were essentially worshipped as gods or were placed as royalty by god themself?

"spoken like a true son!" "father!" im cackling why did they say that

Doom time, yeah Garrett is evil but also a clone! so i guess the real one is probably dead

ik there was probably a more specific reason why they zoomed in on the picture of corans wife and kid after he was knocked out by the poison ring garrett has in golion but right now it's more so odd?

"and we know we can trust you 'cause you're coran's son!" Keith you sweet summer child, did you not just hear Lance say something was off with how sudden Coran got sick

also fuck nanny for saying it's the emotional stress of meeting his son after so long, i truly do not think that's possible

even if i didnt know the guy was evil i wouldn't trust garrett sending the team directions into outer space, he's just fucking with them currently even though they DID find some enemy ships

"but we followed your directions!" "not fast enough" this fucking brat LMAO

Garrett is actually being super smart right now, he used his position at the castle to allow zarkons fleet to land where the garrison was hiding the pulsar canon under the guise of it being voltron, now if only the enemies were this smart all the time

damn no pre-fight with the lions once they spotted the robeast, just straight into voltron also the robeast look pretty cool but why is he mostly gold? isn't that too weak of a metal to be protective

oh shit one of the few times voltron struggles against a robeast, it managed to send them hurtling back into Arus also garrett with the new red scleras to show he's evil, not for one second am i believing the guards who came to warn him of the pulsar canon on arus are robots again i know it's censoring but shh

"okay Keith, i'll help you out. how about a little energy boost? Say about 12 thousand megatons from a pulsar canon! if you look below, you'll see it there on your right. It's aiming right for you" BRATTY AS HELL GODDAMN

MAN I FEEL SO BAD FOR CORAN, HE THOUGHT THAT WAS HIS SON AND HE REFUSES TO BELIEVE HE'S NOT EVEN AFTER GARRETT SAID HE WASN'T

damn he's straight up making a race war over here, saying they're gonna replace arusians with the "better" race which are apparently all clones

NO THE PULSAR CANON GOT PIDGE, GREEN LION BROKE OFF OF VOLTRON WHAT THE FUCK

it ends on a cliff hanger,,,

/episode end

[waterforlorn]

day fourteen. october 20th. we found a pretty nice hotel in wyoming on our way back from mount rushmore. sure it was a detour, but it was worth it, i feel. i enjoyed it. never really had the opportunity to … explore the country. better late than never, i guess. don't think nico did a lot of sightseeing before either. it's relaxing, i wanna say.

just him, me.. vast country. i enjoy it greatly, but i do miss camp. i miss the thrill of fighting. sure, we sparred, but it isn't the same. and yeah, fighting's a risk, but i know he and i can make it. we got each other and we tend to not go alone either, so we got a team, too. we got each other's backs. we'll be fine. i believe in us.

so, this hotel. not sure how we paid for it, but i like it here. it's fancier than the motels we've been staying in and the view… is stunning. it's nothing special, really. like, nothing fancy to see… just .. nature. huge forest, mountains. i feel so calm when i see it. we spent last night curled up on the floor, wrapped in blankets and just … watched sundown. guess i can no longer deny i like… cuddling, which is definitely nico's fault. he's so clingy and wraps around me every chance he gets. guess my body got kinda used to it, so now it thinks that cuddling is good. yeah, for sure. not my fault. i woke up feeling fucking sixty, so that's not happening again. who even thought sleeping while sitting is smart?

our next stop wasn't the interstate. nico had yet another surprise in store. we headed south to colorado. first stop was denver. the botanic garden? uh, most for nico than me, i guess. not that it was bad, but stuff like that ain't for me. like.. i know the flowers are pretty and all, but .. i can't being myself to care. thank fuck my dad isn't demeter. woulda been awkward. nothing against flowers and plants. although, kit would've probably had a great time here.

i do miss the little shits in camp. everybody always told me to open up and try liking people, but it's not as easy as that sounds. i can't just look at someone and decide i don't hate them. sure, standard setting being i don't give a fuck about you isn't ideal, but it's far from where i used to be. i used to hate the world and everybody in it. some of these kids… are more than that to me. don't know how it happened, but i'm stuck caring about them, i guess.

like fucking nico. insert a lot of scribbling that's crossed out

next stop was the desert. yeah, i asked him if he was sure. he was. he really was. i worried for a moment, but no. he knew where he brought me. it was fucking incredible. there's a huge-ass amphitheatre in the middle of like… cliffs and mountains. red rocks park. i know nobody is reading this but i recommend it. we watched some play in the evening, no idea what it was about, but nico seemed to like it.

and then camping, in a tent. yeah. actual camping after hiking for like 2 hours through the night. tent was comfy and we roasted some meet over a fire, but …i mean, neither of us slept much. no regrets, though. we're about to hike back to the car and get back on the road.

wonder what he's got planned next. yep, i said it. it's over for me, i'm not escaping this roadtrip anymore.

[sawdust-emperor]

Used to be you could dunk on someone with a shitty opinion or a sloppy comeback on here. Is there any way to turn off community posts scrolling through my For You tab. Please. I just saw a British person patting themselves on the back for saying Americans don't eat salad in a Youtube comment. Few things are truly more cringe than slapping yourself on the back for 'Huh huh Americans sleep with guns and have pet bald eagles' as a "roast". Where have you been. Are you from fucking 2013? And of course reading back an 'own' (posting a screenshot) to try and get applause on a different, nicer website because I'm fucking CERTAIN the Youtube audience was just pointing and laughing at the OP. I can't comment that without joining. I can't comment they actually eat even less vegetables than Americans do statistically. I can't make a knife joke. These are the people making fun of Gen Z for being oversensitive, the people making hugboxes out of 'Tumblr Communities'? Nobody is telling you how fucking cringe that is and I'm worried you're going to read it out loud IRL despite Youtube obviously not giving you the response you expected for the most worn out joke the Brits have about Americans. Maybe you'll go to a stand up show and try it there since you think you're so fucking funny and omg just HAD to share, too TRUE!!! LIKE IF YOU AGREE!!! Please. Let me turn this off. I can't fuckin do this

[a-stray-wretched-dog]

i'm actually reading this so let me post my thoughts here ... when this gets completed i'll probably update this post. nobody asked for this but whatever, just if anyone wants to read this with me (like a fanfic mukbang???)

and if you're wondering. YES I DID MAKE THIS POST WHILE READING THE FANFIC (that's why i copy pasted some of the moments so i can react to them).

anyways thoughts time !!! ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ <3

title: when i saw the title i thought it was pretty intriguing, it just sounds so angsty and i don't know why but i started feeling some kind of dread just thinking about it.

summary: chills. literal chills. got me soo interested in reading the actual fic.

ok so let me get to the actual fanfic.

chapter 1. bad omens

summary: ok damn the summary is literally making me worried already ... 😭😭

But when you take a bone from a dog, it may become aggressive and do anything to get it back. The same can be said for if you take a sister from her brother.

aaaa i love that line sooo much, literally the descriptions fit akutagawa soo well ... like the dog thing and the brother thing-- it's just so good

His sister is the one thing that he will place above getting Dazai's approval.

OUCH. THAT IS BRUTAL 😭😭😭

She's prepared to let out a stream of insults, but she recognised the man in black with the atrocious haircut.

helpp .. author ... you did not with the haircut roast .. also higuchi you are so real for this

Mori tilted his head, a faked shocked expression plastered on his face. "I didn't think it mattered. Losing a singular member does not cause much harm to our organisation." Akutagawa, too overcome with rage, did not realise he was being manipulated.

OH DANG. THE MORIPULATION IS REALL WITH THIS ONE

"But look on the bright side, Akutagawa. Now there will be no one to hold you back." Gin never held him back, did she? He did make sure he wasnt too reckless while he was out on missions, to ensure he'd still be around to look after her. She was his moral compass, and kept him grounded. He supposed that, in a way, she ensured that he did not kill much anymore, but that was mostly because of the promise he made with the weretiger.

sheesh ... this is slicing my heart open

He hurries out the door, unaware of the tragedy that would soon occur.

oh no. this is bad .... 😭😭

overall thoughts for chapter 1: it's pretty short but there are more chapters anyways soo ... anyways this is really anxiety inducing and i'm just worried for akutagawa and gin the whole time, but at the same time i'm very curious on what would happen next ... ALSO WHAT IS WITH ALL THE FORESHADOWING??? I HATE IT IT'S MAKING ME SO DAMN WORRIED

chapter 2. bloodbath

summary: oh damn, this is where things get interesting

If Akutagawa's thoughts were a bit more coherent, he would have orchestrated a plan; “Get in, Grab Gin, Get out.” Unfortunately for his enemies, his mind was clouded with rage. The only thought going through his head was “revenge”. If he were to put his current “plan” into words, it would be “kill anyone in my way, get Gin, (maybe) kill everyone else”. It wasn't the best plan, was it? Especially so, considering his promise with the weretiger.But that didn't matter to him right now. Gin was the only person he cared about, and he wasn't going to let anyone take his sister from him.

damn akutagawa. damn. he's so dedicated to protecting his only family, gin 😭😭😭😭😭

The question was: why were two guards, obviously lacking in experience, armed with simple pistols protecting this organisations base on the front lines? It's like they were begging him to break in. Akutagawa had no time, nor was he in the mindset for, such suspicions.

OH UHM. UHM???? BRO I'M SO WORRIED. i swear if his current mood will be the thing that ends up hurting him or something, i'm gonna cry.

This warehouse was one of the places where Dazai trained him. This is where Dazai kicked him like three meters, causing him to spit up blood. This was where Dazai ranted about how useless Akutagawa and his ability was. This was where Dazai yelled at him for being too reckless. He began breathing heavily. However, his little PTSD moment was cut short, by a voice calling out his name.

this went from bad to worse, holy crap.

This man had Gin. And he had a gun.

NO. WHAT. WHYY. i mean i knew this was coming because of all the foreshadowing but it still makes me so .... 😭😭

The man frowned. “You really are a blade without a sheath. You could have been civil about this, talked to me. But you chose to slaughter my men. If you had tried reasoning with me, I would have considered sparing your sister. This is your fault.”

this actually reminds me of beast where atsushi tells akutagawa something similar ... ouch

“GIN!!!” he screamed, scrambling forward. The man smirked, a knife flashing from his sleeve, and he… Slits Gins Throat.

HUH. wait i didn't expect her to actually get killed??? someone tell me this isn't real. is this akutagawa's nightmare or something please i don't want this to be real

OH WAIT IT PROBABLY IS... THAT'S WHY THE FORESHADOWING WAS LITERALLY EVERYWHERE 😭😭

He climbs the stairs of his apartment building. He stops when he sees a man in black sitting outside his door, hugging his knees, drenched in blood. “Akutagawa??? Is that you????”

NO. WAIT IT'S REAL, IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED, SHE ACTUALLY DIED??? all his life he's tried to protect the people he loved and he ultimately faile- uhm anyways, akutagawa that's a really pathetic pose... have you become wea-

ok let me stop because this will finally be the shin soukoku moment i've been waiting for.

overall thoughts for chapter 2: i'm pretty sure this made me have some kind of dread ... because the way everything happened so quickly, even when i tried reading it slowly. this whole chapter i knew something bad was going to happen due to all the foreshadowing, but reading it right with my eyes and imagining how the scene would play in my head... gosh it was painful.

i just want to know what will happen next (it's probably going to be shin soukoku), and i hope things turn out better for akutagawa BECAUSE MY MAN IS TRAUMATIZED.

chapter 3. If I show my fangs will you tell me that they're cool?

summary: WOOHOO FINALLY SHIN SOUKOKU !!! i mean oh, this will be so angsty and i'm gonna cry or whatever

Akutagawa looked up at him. “I left the Port Mafia.”

woAh, that escalated quickly. i wonder what akutagawa will do after this, though ...

"Akutagawa? Are you alright in there?” For a moment, there was only silence. "I'm fine, weretiger“ he said in his usual tone of voice, but his voice was shaky, and full of guilt. As if he had done something wrong, something the weretiger wouldn't approve of, perhaps something self-destructive.

ATSUSHI YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT TO DO, GO COMFORT YOUR BF !!!

"Fine. Imma make some ochazuke while I wait for your coat to be done in the washing machine. I'll leave it outside and then I expect you to come out and give me an explanation.” He turned around to leave. "Thank you…” muttered Akutagawa. Atsushi's ears perked up at this rare statement. " ... WHAT did you just say to me?” “ I SAID NOTHING WERETIGER YOU'RE IMAGINING THINGS” Atsushi laughed to himself as he returned to the kitchen.

haha omg akutagawa is such a tsundere ... they're so cuteee 😭😭

“Show me your fangs weretiger.” Atsushi jumped at the sudden demand, but obliged. He opened his mouth so that his fangs were on display. He was prepared for an insult, or for Akutagawa to get up and leave. But his reaction was not what Atsushi expected. “I think they’re cool…” Akutagawa muttered. Atsushi perked up, closing his mouth and his cheeks flushed red. “Really???” Akutagawa looked away. “Forget that I said anything.”

ohh, this is what the chapter title was about ... also atsushi having fangs is so canon to me <3

Akutagawa looked down at his hands in his lap. “My sister was murdered.” Atsushi immediately leapt out of his seat and grabbed Akutagawa’s hands, attempting to comfort him. His mouth was agape in shock, wasn’t his sister an assassin? Couldn’t she have protected herself? Once Akutagawa felt Atsushi’s hands clasp his own, he looked up at the weretiger, tears brimming in his eyes. “Shit.” he thought. “Don’t let yourself appear vulnerable, Ryuunosuke.”

nah, the fact that akutagawa is still thinking about not letting his guard down ...also woohoo atsushi you are an A+ boyfriend !!

“I was so overcome with rage that someone would dare take my sister from me. I just got rid of anyone that got in my way.” He wipes at his eyes, still not meeting Atsushi’s gaze. “I’m still full of rage now, and I… hate that I didn’t get revenge on the one who killed her. I was too reckless.” Poor Akutagawa, he was really struggling at expressing how he felt. (A/N me fr)

sheesh akutagawa ... i kinda want to see him get revenge now

“Weretiger. I know how I can get revenge on my sister's murderer, and the one who organised it.” That piqued Atsushi’s interest. “How?” Akutagawa took a deep breath before he spoke. “I want to join the Detective Agency.” That took Atsushi by surprise. He sighed as he stood up, plucking his phone from his pocket. “Let me make a call.”

OH. NOW THINGS GET INTERESTING... THIS IS SUCH A COOL PLOT TWIST OH WHAT THE HELL

“Because you were the first person I thought of. And I have no one left who cares for me.” Atsushi furrowed his brow. “Shut up, I care for you.”

shin soukoku ... they're gonna make me cry what Is thIs

overall thoughts for chapter 3: i love me some shin soukoku, and the whole revenge ada plan thing sounds so cool. i just wish the best for both akutagawa and atsushi <3

chapter 4. my neck's awry and my brain's upside down

summary: ooh akutagawa joining the ada...

Alright, at least he had a chance. If he got into the agency, he’d have a chance to prove himself to Dazai! He’d get to be in a friendlier environment, and get revenge on the man who killed Gin and HIM. The only downsides would be that he’d probably be paid less, and he’d have to deal with the weretiger every day. But… maybe the second one wasn’t that bad? WAIT WHAT WAS HE THINKING? This wasn’t like him.

omg the last line 😭😭 also is this a more pros than cons thing, yeah i can't tell. but woohoo shin soukoku <33

“We should go to bed, we’ve got a long day ahead of us.” He says, pulling something from the closet. We. We. Who knew such a small pronoun could supply so much comfort? Now Akutagawa felt reassured that he wouldn’t be dealing with this alone. But still, he can’t let his guard down. Atsushi could be planning to get back at him for breaking their promise…

OMG... THE SSKK IS SSKK-ING!!! OMG AKUTAGAWA AND ATSUSHI GETTING CLOSER HERE IS EVERYTHINGGGG <3333

He coughs, his lungs screaming in pain. “Slow… down weretiger… Not everyone… can run at the pace of a tiger…”He said, taking breaks to gasp for breath. Atsushi tilted his head, momentarily confused. Akutagawa heard a sharp intake of breath from him as Atsushi remembered. His lung disease. They waited for Akutagawa to catch his breath, then they began to walk to the agency. They walked in an awkward silence, neither one of them wanting to or knowing how to start a conversation with the other.

oh nooo... the akutagawa lung disease 😭😭 i swear it ruins everything. and the awkward silence is giving me second hand-embarrassment istg, they're so real for that though.

The pair of them continued walking, and soon enough a large building came into sight. Akutagawa’s nerves grew and grew as he approached the Detective Agency building. He was ready for this. Well, mostly.

AAAHH OKAY THIS IS THE MOMENT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE... !!!!

overall thoughts for chapter 4: it was short but i liked it, some sskk crumbs i always love.

chapter 5. importannt

this is just the author's note on the fanfic... read it if you want but it has nothing to do with the actual contents of the fic.

overall thoughts for chapter 5: dang it 😭😭😭

chapter 6. i want to feel the fire that you kept from me

summary: okok akutagawa gets to know the members of the ada... i wonder how that will go

“So, you’re even more useless then. Without the Port Mafia’s resources and men, you would’ve failed all of your missions and have died a long time ago.” Dazai’s expression was dark, his eyes void of any emotion. His demeanour had suddenly become intimidating and threatening. The Agency members were shaken by thus personality shift. Akutagawa was nervous, but it appeared that he was used to this Dazai. “Dazai-san, I’ve only failed a few missions in the four years you’ve been gone!” Akutagawa sounded desperate, like a child begging for the attention if their parent. “The keyword there is ‘few’, implying that you still failed. It seems that training you was a waste of time after all. Clearly Mori wasn’t disciplining you enough.” Dazai spoke calmly, but he sounded threatening anyway. “No! I’ve been disciplining myself, Dazai-san! Your training didn’t go to waste!” Tanizaki felt sick to his stomach. He didn’t want to think of the ‘discipline’ the Port Mafia used, or of Akutagawa ‘disciplining’ himself. Dazai spoke again. “Stop saying my name. Why do you want to join the Agency anyway?” Akutagawa was struggling to find words, and looked to Atsushi, his eyes screaming ‘help!’. Before Atsushi could say anything, Ranpo spoke up. “His sisters been killed.”

OH WOW. THIS IS SUCH AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER... "Akutagawa sounded desperate, like a child begging for the attention if their parent." is so good yet so sad... omg i need to read this more this is getting good

Dazai’s demeanour returned to normal. “Gin?” he whispered, a slight hint of concern lacing his voice.Akutagawa looked to the floor. “But... how? Why?” It was clear which of the Akutagawa siblings Dazai preferred. For the first time in years, Dazai was at a loss for words. Tanizaki felt a rage bubble up within him. He couldn’t help but feel bad for Akutagawa. He didn’t know what he’d do if someone had killed Naomi. Well....He knew exactly what he’d do, but all of it was illegal.

my MY I WAS RIGHT THIS IS GETTING GOOD!!! also dazai returning to normal is so funny to me idk why. also tanizaki and naomi's relationship 😭😭

Why was his guard down in the first place? It fell the second he was let into Atsushi’s house last night. He had trusted Atsushi, that he’d protect him while he was vulnerable asleep. He cannot trust anyone. That was the first thing Dazai had told him when he joined the Port Mafia. “Do not trust anyone. Trust leads to vulnerability. Vulnerability leads to weakness. The weak have no place in the Port Mafia.” Akutagawa was jostled from his thoughts by the weretiger shuffling closet towards him. He blinked, slowly returning to reality and remembering his surroundings. There was a cup of lukewarm green tea in front of him that Tanizaki had bought for him. The aforementioned boy sat opposite Akutagawa, next to Dazai. Tanizaki wore an odd expression, like he was extremely angry and on the verge of tears. But why...?

oh my GOD why is this chapter so good... i swearr the way the characters emotions are written here is just... mmmhh !!!

Kunikida glared at Ranpo and muttered “How tactless” under his breath. Akutagawa didn’t mind. He liked how Ranpo wasn’t giving him pitiful looks like the others. Well, except for Dazai. He looked out of it, as if he was still processing what had happened. He was clearly mourning Gin. Akutagawa felt a twinge of jealousy. How could Dazai care about her and not him? He felt a sudden pang of guilt and shame. What the fuck was he thinking? His sister was DEAD, and he was still thinking of himself and proving himself to Dazai. He dug his nails into his thighs, only the fabric of the trousers he had borrowed from Atsushi stopping him from drawing blood. Noticing this, the weretiger shuffled closer, their arms touching.

SHEESH. AKUTAGAWA I CAN'T WITH YOU, DAZAI I CAN'T WITH YOU EITHER AND IT'S WEIRD BECAUSE it feels like i have to choose a side when they're both equally as bad ... yeah i don't even know anymore 😭

“Crap. And SOS message from Atsushi. He’s been taken hostage.” Akutagawa leapt to his feet. “Where. I’ll go retrieve him.” Tanizaki gave him the address, and Akutagawa quickly memorised it. He sprinted out the door, despite the strain it put on his lungs. Atsushi had saved him when he appeared on his doorstep, bloody and brooding. It was only fair that Akutagawa returned the favour now. As he left the café, he ran past Kyouka, who had just returned from an out-of-town mission.“Why was Akutagawa here?” Kyouka demanded. “Why was he muttering Atsushi’s name, and why was he sprinting out of here?” Dazai smirked, his demeanour returning to normal, although you could tell he wasn’t too happy with what he was about to say. “His entrance exam has begun.”

OH MY GOD???WHAT I LOVE THIS SO MUCH.. THIS IS THE PERFECT ENTERANCE EXAM FOR THIS KIND OF FIC AND I LOVE THAT!!! and omg akutagawa go save your bf !!! don't care about your lungs!!!

overall thoughts for chapter 6: this is definitely the best chapter so far. this is so good i need more of this actually. i literally screamed when i read this i love it so much !!!

Fandom: Bungo Stray

Title: Jinko, prepare for my absence

Writer: aoibb

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/54561532

Status: Incomplete

Main Characters: Akutagawa, Atsushi

Description: Atsushi and Akutagawa go into the detective agency and meets some of the members

[tatakaebomb]

On your best behaviour

ꕥ Pairing : Megumi x Reader

ꕥ Synopsis : What made you think the personal favourite sex slave worker could escape? You’re in safe arms here, especially when someone so close to you is guarding over you.

ꕥ Word count : 2k

ꕥ TW : Rape, non con, sex toys, dub con, vouyerism, anal play, anal sex, degrading, cam recording, slight mention of incest, gun play, daddy kink, blindfolding, BDSM, mean dom!megumi, sex slave sub!reader, heavy smut, harsh themes, thigh fucking, denied orgasm, non consensual acts, blind folds, sex toys, nipple clamps, non con vibrators, public exposure, extreme dominating, bondage, bro/sis, pet names, preferability, hair pulling, spanking, slapping, negative emotions, conformity to SA, gun play, dumbification, threats, death mention (slight), rutting, boob play, masturbation, forced submission I guess, overall 18+ STRICTLY.

ꕥ A/N : Quite graphic and dark, probably missing some warnings. Read at your own risk!

Nothing better than a warm Christmas. One spent with friends, family and acquaintances. Laughing over the fire with a Turkey roasting in the oven. Snow pouring outside.

Sadly, you don't get that.

What you get is even better. Torturous blows to your thigh as your hands remain chained up to the wall behind you. Tears staining your cheeks as your cries fill up the empty cage around you...and one hell of a white Christmas.

-

You creeped out of the door and peered around, all you heard was the faint chattering and laughter of the yakuza party. Gojo's annual festival of celebrating his successions and an excuse to get fucked up on doses of alcohol whilst the rest of the men laugh...laugh whilst women remained strangled and starved under their protection, laugh while people are stripped from their homes to remain their little sex slaves.

You were the personal favourite, the star of the show. The prized possession. The one they brought out when they had a business meeting and needed fresh meat on their hip. The one who was pounded into repeatedly or dresses up in short mocking clothes as they treat you like nothing but a porn star.

There's only so much you could take.

Bare footed with nothing but a short white dress clinging to your body you managed to creep to the door, glancing over your shoulder every now and then to make sure nobody's following you.

'All clear. Thank god' you muttered to yourself, gently pushing the door open.

Your feet touched the floor and you were instantly hit with shock. Freshly pedicured toes frozen through the coldness of the snow. Something you haven't witnessed in a long time. Fuck you can't look back now. Stepping back into the snow you shivered through your body, blistering cold making your nipples hard and your arms filled with goosebumps. You walked through the snow, trying your hardest not to fall as you quickly pass through the glass leading straight into the party room, thankfully they were all off their head to notice anything suspicious, even the guards weren't concentrated.

'What do you think your doing?' You hear call from behind you. You froze in your steps, heart rate speeding up with every breath you take.

'Well? Answer me.' That stern tone came out from behind and forced you to turn around. There you were hit with it. Straight lipped intimidating expression. Dark blue eyes streaking from the reflection of the stars as snow continued to tip from the sky, making your clothes more and more damp.

'I...erm...don't you have a party?'

'I do. Actually. I saw you creeping out this entire time, thought it would be fun to let you think you were able to escape.' He laughed to himself. Fucking sadist.

He inched closer to you and bent his face down to meet yours, breath practically fanning your face.

'Fun's over sweetheart' Smirk spreading on his lips as he grasped your arm making you gasp in shock. Pulling you back inside he quietly walked you over to his room, pushing you on the bed and locking the door.

'Your lucky your so pretty, don't worry nobody else will find out about this. Can be our dirty secret.' He said, leaning against his door, arms crossed as he peered across to your scared body on the bed. You gulped in fear as you saw him pull something out of his pocket and walk towards you.

'Ass up. Now.' He commanded. Quivering you turned around and arched your back lower onto the bed. Aggressively grabbing your arms he cuffed you to the head rest. Your legs then proceeding to be tied up as you attempted to wiggle yourself out of the bondage, doing nothing but turning him on as you aimlessly waved your ass in the air.

'It's like your trying to turn me on, don't worry sweetheart I'll go easy on you. For now...' His hands began to lift up your dress as he slapped your ass harshly making you hiss in pain. Grabbing the flesh of your ass he played with it between his fingers, gently massaging where he slapped.

'You ever been touched here?' He asks, finger pushing down your ass hole. Playing with it, gently teasing you.

'N-no please. It hurts too much.' You beg. Pleading words coming out in broken sounds as you hold in your sob.

'Well after that crazed attempt today don't you think you deserve some type of punishment.' He cackled. Fingers pushing inside of you quickly as your head fell into the pillow, cries falling from your mouth as tears dripped beneath you. Pacing faster inside of you you held in your moans and pleads as he did nothing but smirk at your pain.

'Open wide.' he pulled your hair back aggressively, fingers pulling out of you and reaching towards his pocket. Suddenly cold metal reached the tip of your tongue. Blood and steel coating the tip. Your eyes opened at the realisation of what was going on.

'As much as I'd love to hear you scream my name, I don't want to get us caught. Watch your tongue sweetheart, don't wanna get killed do ya?' He asked as you shook your head no. He gave praise to how obedient you were, no wonder you were a team favourite.

Unbuckling his pants, your eyes stayed glued to the gun infront of you that you didn't even notice him spread your ass as he shoved aggressively inside you. His hand reached back for your hair as you were pulled into a harsh arch. Gun playing back and forth inside your mouth.

'F-fuck' he groaned, thrusting heavily inside of you. Teeth clenched together as his head fell back. Your saliva practically dripped down your mouth and onto your already ripped dress as you moaned heavily into the gun only for it to be muffled.

'Yes...yes...' you muttered

Skin collision and muffled moans were the only thing heard in the room, sighs escaped his parted lips as he came closer to his end.

'If I cum before you, your getting shot. Got it?'

You nodded aggressively to his command, worry and infatuation filling your blood as you felt yourself getting more and more torn apart. His dick reaching points of you you didn't even know you had.

'Mmm...gn..a..cmm...' you groaned, your legs attempting to close together as you felt yourself dripping between your cunt.

You screamed into the gun as you felt yourself gushing at his moans and pants before you felt yourself being filled up with thick liquid. Your head attempted to slump as your neck was still being pulled by his harsh grasp.

'We're not nearly done yet.' His testosterone shot back up as he began to hit back inside of you, gun thrusting in your throat at the same pace as him. Your drained eyes rolled to the back of your head as you gagged and choked on the tool inside you.

'Cum 3 more times just from this, and I'll let you off easier. Got it?' He increased his thrust and pace before you could even answer. You greedily getting off to the feeling of him inside you. Your legs already gushing again only 15 seconds into the second round. Then again. And a final time after only 3 minutes.

And he didn't cum once.

Dropping the gun he untied your hand cups and ropes on your legs as your body lazily flopped onto the bed. Dress ripped and torn and body a mess. But he still wasn't done with you.

'On your knees. Now.' He directed. Dominant and hurtful tone.

You collected yourself rapidly and pushed on the ground, not even able to look at him as your head still spun from being used. Cunt not even touched once.

His hand reached your chin as he pulled you up to look at him. Doe eyes and plump lips turned him on even more. He wanted to ruin you until you were a different person.

'How greedy of me...I haven't even had time to pay attention to these beautiful lips of yours. I'm gonna make this pretty face mine one day, and only mine...' he smiled at you, almost reassuringly as he bent down to kiss you, pulling you onto his lap as his back rested against the bottom of the bed. Your arms lazily flopped around his neck as his tongue explored your mouth, whines and whimpers escaping your lips as you could feel him get hard underneath you.

You rubbed yourself against his thigh in greed as you could feel him groan against you. Hand bearing towards your cunt as he played with your thigh, groping your tits through your shirt and taking your shirt off quickly, you were alerted with the pain pressurising through you.

'AHHH!' You scream. Vibrations being shot through you as you were kept close to his chest. Your legs began to pool as you felt the pace decrease, torturing you as you desperately attempted to get off to this machine inside you.

'God your really something else. What a slut. Already horny again? Do you want some attention down here?' He said rubbing his hand against your cunt. Playing with the baby soft skin feeling it vibrate gently as you drool down your chest and onto your cleavage. Breasts being pushed together in an attempt to rub yourself on his thigh.

'Mm princess...keep that up and I'll almost feel bad for what's about to happen to you.'

Your vision quickly went black as a material wrapped around you, nipples being tugged and pulled. Hands and legs being tied together in a swift motion as you lost thought to what was happening. You felt scared and vulnerable.

'Be a good girl doll and say hi to the camera. We're live...'

You whimpered in fear as you knew thousands of viewers were watching you, vulnerable and weak as his cock palmed over your weak figure.

'Open wide baby. This time I wanna hear your moans.' He forced himself inside of your small throat, pushing every inch inside of you making you gag harshly. Red playful tip slapping between your soft cheeks as he groaned at the feeling of your hot mouth on his dick. Your mouth was nothing but an open hole for him as he thrusted once again inside you, your saliva coating around him as your moans send vibrations straight towards him, pure whimpering and gagging slipped from your throat as you were getting violently fucked. Legs pushing together as you were nearing your edge, toy thrusting between your soaking wet cunt. Making you cum for a forth time.

Hot spurts of white syrup coated your mouth as your tongue lazily flopped out. Tits pushed together as your cleavage greedily snatched away the left overs of his sperm. Nipples practically aching in pain from the pressure pinching them.

'Swallow that shit and your dead. Your lucky I'm so exhausted tonight. Fuck what's the time.' He says grabbing his phone to look at the clock. He's been fucking you for an hour, the others are probably curious on what he's doing.

'Shit look what you made me fucking do.' He tucked himself back into his trousers as he quickly buckled up. Your mouth filled with his sperm as your tears began to seep through the blindfold.

The feeling between your legs began to intensify as you felt yourself being pounded in faster by the toy. Long thing mimicking what seemed to be a dick, not nearly as good as what megumis was.

'Your staying here tonight, and If I see you've swallowed me before I'm back, your getting no sleep. I'm excited to see what I can do to your body. Understand.'

Your head weakly nodded.

'Use your words sweetheart..'

Yes....'

'Yes who...'

'Yes daddy...' you managed to say despite the liquid filling your mouth.

'Good girl. I like how submissive you are, cant believe I've never dealt with you before. Usually let our dad deal with his daughter instead of letting me spend time with my own sister...' He chuckled before leaving the room. Shutting the door behind him as the only thing to be heard was the ticking of the live video camera and the vibration of the toy. Moans still spilling from your tired lips as you were so exhausted.

[miraculousmaladys]

TFP If You Ship...

Ultra Magnus

I would also like to warn yall, I do roast the shit outta these ships and you. Some of y'all are nasty and need to be told/reminded, and some of you need to stay far the fuck away from me. Aight? Aight lets begin.

MagOp/OpMag/Magnimus/ Ultra Magnus x Optimus Prime: You pretentious bitch. You absolute fucking- I have no fucking words to describe how beige you are. You 're personality is plain oatmeal. Message me. I want to beat your ass. You prolly like them for the fact that they can relate to each other, and because of their importance to the war. But I hate you cause you also have more content. Fuck you. May your cereal turn soggy before you can eat that shit, may your drawing tablet get so hot in that one corner that you can fry bacon on that bitch. Fuck you.

MagMeg/Magatron(ew)/ Ultra Magnus x Megatron: you eat mayonnaise with a fucking spoon. Y'all saw that one scene with them on Darkmount and was just like "hm, but what if fuck?" and ran with it. You went to Ao3 expecting kinky shit, but all you got was stuff for IDW Megs and Mags and honestly baby, its gon' be okay.

Matchet/Ragus?/ Ultra Magnus x Ratchet: Yes we get it, the old man can dom now shut the fuck up. If taking your S/O to the nursing home as a date was a ship it'd be these old crotchety ass bitches. But, but, on a more serious note this ship can be so therapeutic for both mechs. These two were there way before the start of the war, they lived through it, and they knew Optimus all throughout. I imagine Ratchet would tell Magnus about Orion before his ascension to the primacy. I ain't ever been more depressed scrolling through a tag though, y'all broke bitches need whatever the fuck UltraScreen is having.

Magbee/Ultra Bumble/Ultra Magnus x Bee: I ain't ever seen two same heighted Cybertronians in a relationship, always one of'em gotta be spike suckin' height.

UltraJack/ Ultra Magnus x Wheeljack: Listen, listen, both these mechs love their solitary time and it can create so much angst, SO MUCH. Magnus feeling he must uphold his duties and Wheeljack having a mindset similar to a pirate. His spark belongs to the stars AND Magnus, but the stars will always come first. But bitch this is Ultra Magnus. We horny. We know Wheeljack is a fucking brat, and Ultra Magnus is his Dom.... baby we nasty. We nasty and there is no fucking denying that shit my GOD.

Ultrabulk/ Ultra Magnus x Bulkhead: Listen man as crazy as this might sound, I think this could work. Just like any other ship with Bulkhead you are fucking STRUGGLING though dude, you got like 5 fics you keep coming back to. You cry at night, knowing, and praying, that the gods will smile upon you and bless you with an update. You know you struggling when you only got three fics that have this ship as the focus. If y'all ban together I'm sure you can scrounge together like three pieces of fanart and a lint roller between the four of you.

UltraScream/ Ultra Magnus x Starscream: I don't see how anyone could hate this ship. Like, they literally work as really good foils to each other. You've got Magnus who is loyal as fuck, very militaristic??? And very much involved with the safety of his team. He's described as recklessly brave. Starscream on the other hand has a lot of character to work on and Magnus could help him along with that, and he can teach Magnus self preser- fucking-vation because Mr. "gets fucking chomped by a predacon for another bitchass Autobot" needs it. You're fuckass wants someone to save you, or you want to go absolutely apeshit. You are the mom friend everyone is worried about.

Ultracee/ Ultra Magnus x Arcee: Huh?? I mean like....Okaaaayy?? I mean good for you. This ship makes me feel the way that you feel when someone offers you candy you don't like, but you wouldn't mind eating it so you do. To be honest the people who ship this definitely see diamonds in places others wouldn't expect, but like you're so fucking unnessecary oh my god. Like you prolly add weird ass comments to other peoples statements, ain't nobody out here asking for an echo. Sit down.

UltraShock: ya like'em thicc don't you commanding officer Ultra Magnus? Anyway maybe y'all could team up with UltraBulk shippers and add a pile of used soda cans to the pile. Y'all are ghosts, do you even exist on this plane. My guesstimate on how many people actually ship this forreal is like 5.

Ultrawave/MagnusSound/Magnus x Soundwave: Listen if the Ultrabulk shippers are starving y'all ain't even corporeal. I show up to this ship with a fucking ghost talk box and some heat sensors, and like one boombox tryna see if GHOSTS even inhabit this bitch. Y'all aight? Are y'all good?? HELLO IN THERE (hello in there) (hello in there). Yall really go all out for the goth shit. Prolly hidin' in the shadows of my house waiting to strike.

Ultrascreen:

You, and I mean this in the most (derogatory) way possible, are a fucking

HOE

Literally looked on AO3 saw nearly NOTHING BUT kinky MF PORN. The oooonly plot y'all got is exactly how long Ultra Magnus can deny Smokescreen an overload. Why every time it comes to Magnus people make this by the books vanilla bitch the kinkiest one. YES I love subverting expectations but can I PLEASE get one fic where he sputters because his partner says a bad word. These two are the main ones who get this treatment, and baby I ain't complaining, but please. Please just- please sir I-I a-ah!

Ultradown: The UltraBulk, and UltraWave shippers come here every year, at the exact same location, at the exact same time, all for this ritual. The UltraWave shippers take out a boombox, some energon candies, and a supersized Cybertronian false spike. The UltraBulkers begin to sing the incantation to summon their fallen comrade: https://youtu.be/m9We2XsVZfc. They must do this once every year, they must battle the UltraDown shippers, though most would say they are a myth, the UltraShock and UltraWave shippers know better.

MagnusOut/KnockMagnusOut?/Ultra Knockout: Listen its not as horny as Smokescreen but the constant tension is definitely there. Knockout is just as horny as the depressed, RE-pressed ass Magnus fans and can you really blame him? Boyfriend? Dead. Magnus? kinky. Hotel? California.

/If I missed any let my gay ass know. Sorry if this ones lackluster, but some of these ships don't even really seem to have a fanbase?? Remember that these are TFP ships y'all.

Also I better see more Bulkhead content after this. Do you all have a problem with truly thicc bootyful babes or what?

[arcadejohn127-9]

What if Mc was a person who don't take shit from anyone, demon human or Angel, and just was this small sassy piece of dynamite? How’d everyone react?

MC who takes no shit - brothers + undateables

Satans pact and chapter 16 spoilers

Lucifer:

So you've chosen death

This man can't even handle the smallest sign of defiance

an actual bitch boy

"You are here because you were picked to attend, you were listed to be under my care, this is MY house! You follow MY rules-"

"hold that for a second, I'm calling Dia."

He's so easy to rile up

You feed off his quick temper, he makes it too easy

But he deserves it

Too many times he thinks he can just control you and his brothers

You've cut Mammon down from the ceiling, when faced to Lucifer you just handed him the rope

"If you want someone to hang so much, do it yourself, old man, it is your fault after all - if you didn't leave your cursed valuables lying around Mammon would of never tried to steal them and get himself cursed."

Mammon:

He both scared of you and in awe of you

He's surprise you're still alive at this point

Of course you're alive, the great Mammon is looking after you

You have definitely called him out for being a tsundere

"So, you wanna make out or do you wanna keep yammering on?"

"I- You can't just be saying that to demons!! Why would I wanna kiss some human-"

"Kay, I'm going to go see if Levi wants to-"

"WAIT! DON'T DO THAT!"

Whenever he steals something from you or the others, you go on a man hunt

"Sell your own stuff! You always have something new in there! or are you that scummy and bad with money you need to steal off others ?"

Please have some mercy with him

In general, finds your sassy attitude interesting, always wonders what the new comment or roast will be

Levithan:

Scared and in awe but times it by 10

Is mostly terrified because you make him upset

Didn't expect to be called a guilt tripping bitch

"You're busy? I get it, I mean - why would you ever want to spend time with someone like me? I'm just some nobody, a yucky otaku who no one wants to be around-"

"I get having a low self esteem but shitting on yourself at EVERY given chance and then go on to be about how yucky and worthless you are when I just wanna spend time with someone else?! You can fuck right off!"

He thinks you're a delinquent, has gotten you a cool jacket so you can put it over your shoulders

You can pat him on the back for at least being able to stand up for himself, he's always ready to brawl and never shys away from calling his brothers out

Always lets you wear his headset and just watches as you cuss and sass any petty player

Satan:

It seems you keep choosing death

You wanna get sassy and back talk the literal embodiment of wrath????!

So - do you want be buried or cremated?

You take none of his shit

He respects it just as much as he hates It

We all know he has good control over his anger but there's a limit on how much of your attitude he can stand

"You're so petty, do you have to be a smart-ass about everything?"

"that's rich coming from the guy who threatened to cut off my limbs because I wouldn't make a pact wth him."

When he doesn't respond you just nod to yourself, checking your nails

"Yeah that's what I thought."

If he needs to come up with a good come back he always asks you

Sits back and watches you argue with Lucifer

Asmodeus:

He loves it until you call him out

Didn't expect to get psychologically profiled

"At first I thought you were just a narcissist but now I see you're just a Insecure man who placed his value on his looks and how people perceive him-"

" You can't seem to handle any type of bad press about you-"

"Oh? Did you make yourself look bad then blame it on someone else because they just wanted to do what they please? Oh boo hoo!"

You could end this man's career with a single word

But, if you're 'no shit' attitude is targeted to someone else? He's all over it

Will sigh dreamily and watch you chew Someone out

Unless you get super roasty and rude - he encourages you to talk to him with an attitude

"You're so hot when you talk like that~"

Knows you aren't all sass, he definitely enjoys your more softer side

Will invite you to a sleep over so you two can gossip and rant over a bottle of wine and do a mini spar

Beezlebub:

What prompted you to be this sassy? He's baby!

I mean, he did throw a fit when you ate his custard and destroyed your room

Sure, constant hunger is painful but he can survive without one custard

Yeah- he can be up for roasting and being chased out

"You've told me you literally want to eat me! How is that comforting?! You're hunger tantrums are already bad enough but now I know I could be on the menu?"

"No thanks! Do the hokey pokey and turn your goofy ass around!"

Has a habit of being your stool, he doesn't mind really, finds it pretty adorable actually

You're so small compared to demons so when a gym jock is being rude about you or Beel

You just snap your fingers and he'll sit down, hunch over and put his hands over his head

You'll just step on his palms (you take off your shoes angrily whilst telling the jock demon to not move an inch) and just go off

He understands where alot of your cusses come from, he agrees with you and feels guilty on his behaviour

Really likes it when you stand up for him; normally no one does that because he's such a big guy

Belphie does it but things can be abit disheartening when your twin Is the only one rushing to help you

Belphegor:

You know what? Understandable, please, fire away

Just keep making jokes and references to all the bad things he's done

He needs to be put in his place

The dude has literally killed you! If you weren't going to give him an earful when you recovered then what was the point?!

This man is one of many bastards in this school

Either watches you go off on people or sleeps mid arguement to stop hearing you call him out

"I'm innocent, I haven't done a single thing wrong in my life."

"wELL-"

He will always respect you for looking out for his twin, when he can't do anything he always looks to you to step in

Has held things out of your reach just to watch you get mad

UNDATEABLES↓

Diavolo:

You've chosen a fate worse than death at the cost of sassing a pure man

He gets upset but is very understanding, it's his companions who will handle your fate

I honestly, CANNOT, think of a reason you'd want to be sassy or rude to him

If it's just in general and not meant to offend him; he thinks it's very attractive

You've got a silver tongue and able to make a comment without much thought

Very impressive

His type is Lucifer very simple

You'd call him out for letting dangerous behaviour happen at the school and putting loads of faith into Lucifer

Perhaps point out how reckless inviting humans to a demon realm - who could easily be killed if they don't have an escort with them at all times

But other than that? He's safe

Barbatos:

He is your executioner

He can handle a jab

But he will remind you he was the one who saved you if you get too out spoken with him

that only gets him more cussed out though

"So you're aware of pretty much every event that happens, Right?"

"You could say that."

"Then shouldn't you use those abilities to then help anyone and stop all sorts of tragedies?"

"My Lord has stopped me from using my powers freely."

OKAY THAT'S SOMETHING YOU CAN CUSS DIA OUT ON

In general, you just make comments about how vague he is

He's too mysterious that it's just ridiculous

You want to get to know him but he just gives you that smug look and amused laughter

Solomon:

Can you really be blamed for being Sus of him?

He's so suspicious, for what?! For what reason?!

He doesn't like being called old? Depending how disrepectful you wanna be, you like to use the nickname "Grandpa Solo"

"I'm surprised you aren't actually some evil Wizard trying to get the brothers pacts so you can be the most powerful human alive and take over the Devildom."

"Who says I'm not?"

He's witty and smug

You're sassy and explosive

You're a duo that should be feared

The two powerful humans banding together? I'm sure there's a website on the two of you with theories of your evil plans

Simeon:

Finds your attitude delightful!

Didn't want his kindness to annoy you but it did, sometimes it is a crime to be Too nice

His favoured company are all sassy bastards so it only makes sense he likes you very much

"You gave them bangles that made them into SAINTS! that's fucking weird! And you had them turn into angels despite the fact they have truama from heaven!"

as mischievous as Simeon can be

His angelic nature really does pop out alot

"aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you want to go ape-shit?"

"Of course not, there's no need but thank you for worrying about me, I know I can seem force and strange to you but I really do enjoy being kind to others."

"disgusting."

Almost fought him during the TSL event; you didn't expect him to do a 360 and become super strict

Despite your hard shell you care alot about the people you're close with and can't stand to see them upset

Luke:

It appears you're trying to throw hands with a 10 year old

He does seem demonphobic

Why are you always denying your true feeling??!! Just admit you like demons!

You try not to swear and be outwardly rude Infront of him

But sometimes this little boy really tests your patience

"Okay species-ist."

Is your main response when he's being a tsundere

He's the one who's the safest from your attitude

[clatterbane]

More not so photogenic lowish-spoons food tonight, but very tasty!

(I wouldn't normally want to put both things in the same pasta bowl, but we were low on clean dishes and I didn't feel like dirtying anything else up. Time to eat the broccoli first, to make room to maneuver the spaghetti around!)

Except I don't actually like it to get very crispy around the edges, and also just had frozen to use, as detailed here:

Bottled lemon juice is much better than nothing, and that's what we had today.

As for the basic comfort food type meaty spaghetti, I decided to try an easy one-pot version in the Instant Pot (again!). I know a lot of people really don't like the idea of doing that with pasta, but I've found that it does give consistently pretty good results once you get liquid proportions and timing down for a particular brand/shape.

The major reason, though? It's so much more accessible a cooking method for people working around various disabilities in the kitchen. Way easier--and safer--than fooling around with big boiling pasta pots as a wheelchair user, that's for sure! Or even asking someone else to handle the draining part at just the right time. 🥴 Which, of course, is just not gonna work with nobody else there to do it.

Garofalo and Barilla's gluten free pastas are the best for things like this, IME. They just behave a lot like the "regular" wheaty kind all around, and you don't need to worry about them turning into gross mush if you so much as look at them wrong. Some others are tricky enough with regular cooking, never mind pressure cooked.

Anyway, this basic recipe looks pretty close to the proportions I like to use:

Just about any pasta shape should work fine. And it also works great to just use frozen/refrigerated prepared meatballs, added right before the pasta layer. If they're still frozen, it'll just take a few more minutes to come up to pressure.

I was feeling ambitious enough today to chop up some onion, celery, carrot, and garlic to saute in with the meat. Took my own seasoning approach, as usual. For about anything like this, you will probably thank yourself if you use at least part broth (from crushed up cubes/powder, fresh, you name it) for at least half of the liquid--and adjust the other salty seasonings accordingly.

I find that it usually works best to cook pasta under high pressure for half the time you would normally boil it--plus an extra minute or two, especially if it's being cooked with tomatoes or other acidic ingredients. Usually let it sit for like 3 minutes before releasing the pressure. Better to err on the side of undercooking to start out with. You can fix that easily enough.

Once the lid is opened, time to evaluate and adjust as detailed here:

I like to let any kind of absorption cooked pasta sit and rest for 5-10 minutes before digging in, just like most saucy things straight out of the oven. IME it's good for both texture and flavor, besides not burning your mouth as easily! 😊

This ended up longer on the cooking tips than intended, but hey. I've been getting a lot more experience with these kinds of dishes now that I can eat them again, and some of it might be useful. Especially for other disabled/chronically ill people trying to stay decently fed.