#(don’t take this the wrong way of course but like. how more fucking obvious does it need to be)

[rjam9]

going onto murderbot twitter was a mistake enough i am gatekeeping this.

[userchai]

Mr. Mechanic - E.M.

wordcount- 1.5K

warnings: spitting, choking, p in v sex, older Eddie ((he’s 40 and reader is 29)) name calling, roughness, cum eating, they almost get caught, if any of this makes you uncomfortable please don’t read it and lemme know if I missed something and I’ll add it to the warnings! Do not read unless you’re eighteen or over, thank you! feedback welcome as always! ❤️ @voyeurmunson thanks for the help on this sweetheart!

“Y’know we don’t have very much time sweetheart.” He whispers in your ear, deep and full of lust. You moan quietly, biting your lip hard to keep yourself as quiet as possible as his hands run themselves down your torso and to the top of your jeans. “Just couldn’t help yourself could you, had to walk in here looking like absolute sin? Bet your daddy doesn’t like that very much does he?” You fight the urge to roll your eyes, pushing your ass back against him hard, feeling his hips dig into you, his obvious bulge pressing up against your ass. “Quit talking and get to it already Mr. Munson, before he catches us.” He shushes you quickly, wrapping one of his hands around your throat and pulling your head back so he can lean down close to you, you groan out as his brown eyes narrow at you. “That’s not how you fucking talk to me is it baby?” You shake your head ‘no’, earning a disappointed look from Eddie. “I thought I taught you better than this doll. You answer me with words.” He says harshly, quickly letting go of your throat to push your pants down hastily. You look down, watching your clothing hit the dirty shop’s flooring, ‘oh well I can wash those later’ your mind quickly focuses back on the older man behind you as you watch his thick fingers hook into the sides of the tiny thong you purposely wore just for him today. “Baby have I ever told you why your dad watches me so closely when you’re around?” You go to shake your head before remembering his rule, muttering out a quiet ‘no’ instead. “Your dad only watches me when you’re here, he knows I can’t keep my eyes off of you, and I think you like knowing that this is wrong. I could get fired for this, but I don’t care.” You fight back a smirk, you naturally knew the effect you had on Eddie, it was pretty obvious. Every time you made a trip to your dad’s car shop, Eddie was always following you around like a lost puppy. It was adorable to you, but your dad hated it. You wanted to talk back and tell him how he’s ’not slick’ but you didn’t get the chance, hearing his belt being buckled behind you sent your brain into overdrive, your legs shaking with anticipation as you bend further over the car, waiting for him to give you what you need. “Tell me baby, do you like showing up here, looking like a slut? Do you like making me so hard that I feel as if I could cum in my pants again like some virgin who can’t control themselves?” You bite your lip hard as his ringed hand slaps down onto your ass, before he’s digging his blunt nails into it, causing pleasure and pain to shoot its way through your body, your toes curling in your shoes as you do your best to answer him. He doesn’t give you very much time to reply before he’s pushing his boot in between your shaking legs, spreading them apart for him. Your body jolts as you feel something wet slide down from your ass to your pussy, shockwaves of pleasure course their way all through you as you realize that he just spit on you, ‘dirty old fucker.’ You thought, laughing slightly before the air feels as if it’s being punched out of you, he doesn’t even warm you up before he’s pushing the tip of his cock against you, muttering out about how you have the ‘prettiest pussy’ he’s ever seen. You clench your eyes tightly, the feeling of how big he is isn’t something you’re used to, his big hands are placed gently on your hips as he pushes in further and further, just when you think you can’t take much more he bottoms out inside of you, his hips pressed up snug against your ass as you clench around him. The intensity of how deep he is makes you feel like you could pass out, but it was the most delicious thing you’d ever felt. Your eyes threaten to roll to the back of your head as he pushes you down flat against the car in front of you, he places his hand right in the middle of your back, holding you down as you squirm beneath him, he thrusts once, twice, before he’s picking up the pace, Eddie Munson is anything but gentle when it comes to fucking, and you were finding that out.

You moan loudly, trying to find a place to grip on the car but it’s too slick, your hands sliding down it pathetically as you cry and drool all over the hood. “Oh baby, you look so pathetic, look at you making a mess on my customer's car. You’re cleaning that up when we’re done here.” He laughs, pushing in even deeper as his other hand digs into your hip, it’ll cause a bruise later but you’d welcome the reminder of being taken apart by him like this. “Dirty old man.” You spit out rolling your eyes no, as he fucks you harder than you’ve ever been fucked in your life, tears well up in your eyes as he slaps your ass again. “Sorry, what’s that? Oh wait, look who’s the one getting fucked by the ‘dirty old man’ awww sweetheart you really wounded me.” You clench around him again, your brain fuzzy and floating as your orgasm approaches. “Fuck… Eddie please…” you moan, pushing up a little to look back at him. He was a sight to be seen, the bun that he was sporting earlier in the day was gone, his crazy curls were everywhere, framing around his face beautifully. He’d pulled his shirt up enough for you to be able to see his stomach flexing every time he slid back into you, you wanted to run your tongue all over him and never stop. “Please what?” He pouts at you, laughing sadistically as you push back against him, asking for more. “W-wanna cum, please let me cum, can’t hold it anymore.” You cry out, not even waiting for him to allow you before your orgasm comes crashing down, Eddie moans out behind you, keeping his grip on you and grinding his hips against you slowly, letting you ride out the waves of pleasure making their way through you. You slump against the car lazily, your breathing slowing down some as you sigh. “You’re precious, get up and get your ass on that car, right now.” The assertiveness in his tone is all the motivation you need as you sit up quickly, pushing your pants off the rest of the way and spinning yourself around, sitting down on the car before scooting back on it and spreading your legs. “Keep them open for me sweetheart, gonna cum all over your pretty pussy.” You look up at him, his eyes black with lust as he strokes himself in front of you. You wanted to suck him off but there was no time to, ‘maybe another day’, you think as he tenses up in front of you. “C'mon Mr. Munson, give it to me.” The most beautiful sound comes out of his mouth as you lay back in front of him, he strokes one more time before he’s cumming all over your pussy, some of it is hitting the car beneath you, it’s an absolute mess, but so hot. You look up at him and smirk before pulling him down into a kiss, it’s filthy and full of want. As soon as you go to speak you hear the door rattle on the other side of the room. “Oh shit… my dad!” You whisper, trying to get off the car as quickly as you can while Eddie pulls his clothes back up. “No wait, get over there and clean up the car. I can’t have him see that.” He says, staring directly at you. “How am I supposed to do that Eddie?!” He laughs quietly, and points to your mouth, you don’t have time to think as you hear keys being put into the door, you quickly drop down and pick up all of his cum off of the hood, before standing back up, grabbing your pants and getting them up as fast as you can before turning to Eddie again for a moment. “Show me.” He whispers, grabbing onto your chin and tilting your face up towards him. You stick your tongue out proudly, before swallowing and leaning up to kiss him sweetly. “Get to work Mr. Munson, I'll see you some other time.” You whisper smiling at him before sneaking out the back door, just in time to hear your dad come into the shop. “There you are Eddie! I’ve got another job for you, but do you want to go grab some lunch first?” You hear him say as you laugh, walking back down the street towards your car.

[dystopyx-blog]

Bro I think so hard about being in TWST without meds but specifically with Floyd. The way he just, doesn't care. You're tired? Awww how sad, he wants to play with his favorite shrimpy. You think he doesn't care at all until you hurt yourself and suddenly he's shackled to your side.

I just got like brain blasted by the SH post due to my own spiraling and like tjis idea alone has given me so much comfort

bro Floyd comfort…. I mean he is literally a comfort character for me, if it isn’t obvious lol. I’m really really glad I could give you some comfort! Genuinely, that gives ME comfort. Especially since my yandere twst posts are also meant to give me comfort, so the fact they do the same for others warms my heart.

It’s so surprising the first time Floyd comforts you. He approaches you, going “hey hey hey, what’s the matter with shrimpy? :(“ and you try to tell him it’s nothing. “Ain’t nothin’ if it got shrimpy sad. Tell me what’s wrong.” And to your surprise he sits and listens. And he’s a good listener, at least for you in that specific moment. He doesn’t interrupt, he doesn’t make fun of you, he sits there and hums to let you know he’s listening. You find yourself spilling everything to him, it’s surprisingly easy to. Maybe you shouldn’t have, maybe he’ll just use it all against you in the future, who fucking cares, this is what you need right now. For a second you wonder if this is actually Jade using Shock the Heart on you somehow. But no, it’s Floyd. A seemingly very out of character Floyd? After pouring your heart out to him, he hits you with a sympathetic stare. “Damn, shrimpy,” he says, “that really sucks…”

Then he gets up and you assume, that’s it, he’s gonna leave me here now. But he offers you a hand and a grin. “C’mon Shrimpy, I’m gonna cheer you up.” ‘And he will try his damndest to do just that, taking you all over campus to find something to lift your spirits. But really, the very process of hanging out with him and watching him try to find something to do with you is enough to have you smiling. You end up in the Mostro Lounge, Floyd promising to get ya whatever you want. Unfortunately, Jade is the one to take your order, which means, of course, you’re subject to his needling. But then Floyd shoos him away. And later, when Azul himself appears at your table, hoping to get his suckers on useful information, Floyd glares at him and tells him to leave you alone. “Great Seven, why can’t anyone just leave us alone? Cant they see I’m tryna spend time with my shrimpy?” And maybe you don’t realize it at the time, still so caught off guard from what seemed to be a total flip in personality, but he meant it when he called you his shrimpy. If you were anyone else, he wouldn’t have given a fuck, it’s only because you were you that Floyd was at all invested in your feelings. Cuz everything about his shrimpy is interesting and entertaining. That’s why they’re his. You notice Floyd hangs out with you a lot more after that, stuck to your side like glue. He’s awful for ADD considering his sudden swings in mood. You get distracted, but it’s even worse with him because once he’s in the mood to do something he just does it. So you’ll be trying to focus on work, and he’ll be there because he’s basically always with you at this point, and he suddenly decides you two have to go do this random thing right now. It’s the same when you’re in depressions, too, he’ll drag you along. It’s surprisingly helpful, though. It’s hard to be bored with Floyd, which makes sense considering how much he hates being bored. So even without your antidepressants… well, at least you have Floyd Leech??

[p0orbaby]

Make Yourself at Home

summary: all you want is a quiet night in with alessia, and tooney?

warnings: SMUT 18+, not explicit but smut adjacent, i digress, oral (alessia receiving)

a/n: our favourite grump really can’t catch a break

word count: 809

-

You’re a pretty impartial person.

You don’t really get excited about much. Ice cream flavors? Meh. Pets? Take ’em or leave ’em.

While everyone else is busy with their pre-game rituals and superstitions, and instagram and oat milk lattes, you just roll your eyes and get on with it.

But there’s one thing you’re absolutely crazy about. One thing that wipes the scowl off your face. One thing that you’ll happily clear your entire schedule for.

What is it, you ask? Football? Contractually, sure. But no. An intensive workshop on mastering the art of making artisanal cheese from scratch? You could be tempted. But still no. The chance to have your head between Alessia’s legs? Jackpot!

You’re a simple creature.

There’s just something about the way she reacts when you’re down there, the way she arches her back and moans your name like a prayer. Like you’re the only one who can unravel her, the only one who knows exactly how to make her fall apart.

It’s a real confidence booster, you know?

In those moments, you feel anything but impartial. You feel alive, electrified by the sheer intensity of the connection between you and your partner. It’s a feeling you chase, a feeling you crave with a hunger that borders on obsession.

So when you find yourselves settled on the sofa one evening, the warmth of Alessia’s thighs pressed against your cheeks, you can’t help but feel a sense of contentment wash over you. It’s a simple pleasure, but one that brings you more joy than any pre-game ritual ever could.

And as Alessia’s fingers thread through your hair, guiding you with a gentle urgency, you realise that maybe, just maybe, being practical isn’t so boring after all. Especially when it leads to-

“Oh my fucking god! My eyes!”

You freeze, the comfortable haze of contentment shattered by the sudden intrusion. You pull away from Alessia’s warmth, blinking rapidly as you try to make sense of the chaos unfolding before you.

Standing in the doorway, eyes wide with shock, is Ella. One hand clamped over her mouth in horror as she takes in the scene before her, while the other holds a Sainsbury’s Bag For Life brimming with, clothes?

Alessia looks equally startled, her cheeks flushing a deep shade of crimson as she scrambles to cover herself with a nearby throw pillow.

“Jesus Christ, Ella! Can’t you knock?” you snap, your irritation flaring up in full force. “Stop looking!”

Where the fuck is your t-shirt?

Ella stammers as she turns around, her face burning with embarrassment. “I-I did knock! And I rang Less’ phone but she didn’t answer. I thought something was wrong!”

“Something is wrong,” you mutter under your breath, shooting Alessia a pointed look.

Alessia bites her lip, clearly struggling to contain her laughter at the absurdity of the situation. “You know where the bathroom is, Ella”

You resist the urge to shout again, instead focusing on the task at hand. “Can you please just… I don’t know, leave? We were in the middle of something”

Ella nods frantically. “Right, of course. I’ll just… go. Are your towels still in the cupboard on the landing?”

What on earth is happening right now?

“Why does she have a key? When did I agree to this?” You seethe as you throw Alessia her stray clothes once Ella is finally out of sight.

“It’s for emergencies” she tells you calmly as she gets dressed.

You look around the room, arms out in confusion. “Where’s the emergency, huh?” you challenge, gesturing to the seemingly calm surroundings. “Am I completely missing something?”

“Faulty boiler” she states as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I said she could come here to shower and wash her clothes. Water?”

She hands you a bottle out the fridge while you stand slack jawed and baffled.

You take the bottle mechanically, still trying to process the sudden awful turn of events. “Wait, hang on. The machine runs on two-hour cycles”

“I’m surprised you know that including I do all your washing for you”

You let out a frustrated sigh. “Are you hearing what I’m saying? Two. Hours. Two whole hours!”

She’s not silly, she knows what you mean. But if she’s disappointed, she doesn’t show it. Is this what it’s like to be on the receiving end of a conversation with you? Perhaps you’ve rubbed off on Alessia too much.

You go to protest, stomp your feet, shake some sense into her, until you hear a voice come from upstairs.

“Guys, I'm not sure whose toothbrush is the blue one, but it may or may not have found its way into the toilet” Ella shouts through the house, and you almost collapse to your knees in defeat.

“We’re changing the locks. Tomorrow,” you declare firmly to Alessia. “And you owe me a new toothbrush”

[illusioncanthurtme--art]

im curious, why do you like fiddlestan?

i like them in theory (all the pain potential, jeez!) but i feel like i'm missing something very obvious

Oh boy, you’re about to open pandoras box with this one -

I’ve liked fiddlestan for a LONG time, almost a decade now, (EXHIBIT A!!!), and honestly, I’ll admit that the ship is mostly based on speculation. So maybe you’re not missing something obvious, maybe I’m just delusional. I can’t speak for everyone, all I can do is explain why I like it: because it’s deeply rooted in several layers of irony. 

It’s ironic because fiddleford spent the better part of a YEAR dealing with fords nonsense. (And I KNOW, it’s not all bad, but really, especially if you read journal 3, that poor man was put through a LOT. He was definitely taken advantage of, at LEAST a little.) And after grappling with the acceptance that your longtime friend and unrequited love will never return your feelings, having lost the man to some crazy otherworldly nightmare machine, who shows up?? But his TWIN BROTHER who’s HUMBLE and KIND and TEN TIMES MORE DOWN TO EARTH?? It’s ironic, because they don’t know each other, yet they both have years of history with the same person who’s wronged them, and, they can make out about it!! THEY CAN FUCK TO SPITE HIM!! Stan stole his brothers name (and committed multiple crimes under said name), stole his house, and stole his research partner!! And… it's ironic because it’s Grunkle Stan and old man Mcgucket. That needs no elaboration.

(these are all my personal takes/headcanons! Like I said, this ship is based solely on interpretation, so I’m sure a lot of fiddlestanners like fiddauthor too. There’s like a billion different ways to interpret this ship.)

Also -

Their personalities are surprisingly similar when you stop and think about it!! You put those two in the same room, and they’d come up with some highly devilish scams together. They both have moral codes that are a little… ambiguous. And… I can’t believe I’m gonna pull this out as *canon fiddlestan documentation* but these are the kind of crumbs we’re working with here: MABELS DREAM IN THE SOCK OPERA CREDITS!!!! Although it’s not something that actually happened, and it’s just a reference to statler and waldorf, they are IN CHARACTER!! I think this is how they would actually act together if they were friends!! Just two old dudes, hanging out together watching tv, making fun of whatever they’re watching. If you’re in the room, you might get roasted too. Just a couple of old farts. It makes me so happy to think about. 

No fiddlestan rundown post would be complete without the fandoms EXTREME STRAW GRASP at Old Goldie and the Flame Retardant Raccoon. Soos calls mcgucket a “prospector guy,” amongst the other obvious comparisons you can make between fiddleford and goldie. Goldie is something stan used to like a long time ago, but he’s all old and fucked up now, best to throw him away and forget about it. BUT, as it turns out, there’s still good in that old thing after all. SO LETS GET MARRIED IN VEGAS!!!! It’s an extreme stretch, but… It’s a fiddlestan trope that they, at some point, have a crazy night of fun+romance in vegas together.  And I personally like to think that they return when they’re older+happy and tie the knot for reals. The raccoon speaks for itself - it’s one of the ways you can compare stan to a raccoon. And of course, mcgucket's raccoon wife. 

This is where it starts to get a little angsty, and if you “get all the pain potential” then you may have already given this some thought - but why does stan treat fiddleford the way he does if they used to love each other? The whole “UGH, this guy” comment in land before swine, looking all uncomfortable around him in fight fighters, choosing the spot furthest from where mcgucket lotions himself at the pool, and the “possum breath” comment in the last episode (and fiddleford actually has the mental clarity to look perturbed after he says it). Stan is hurt!!! He’s upset!! If they used to be a Thing after the portal incident, something must have happened between them for fiddlefords mental illness to get the better of him, and for him to choose to erase both stan and ford from his memories. I, personally, think that it was deep rooted internal homophobia (being raised in the south, that runs deep), and being scared for getting too close to stan. They were getting too comfortable, and that scared him. What about his family? And tate? His son can never meet stan. He can never let his wife know. And all the paranormal fuckery incidents leading up to this that already weakened his mental state, the portal incident, already having zapped his brain a few times, would have sent him over the edge. So I’m thinking they would have gotten into a fight of some kind, and fiddleford would have stormed off. Thus leaving stan having to live in a town with the person he USED to love, who doesn’t remember him at all!!! What!!!!! That sucks!!!! Only upside to fiddlefords memory erasure is that it makes it easier for stan to pretend nothing ever happened. But it’s still not easy. Also, if word ever got out that old man mcgucket used to be his boyfriend, he would never be able to live it down. So he compensates by being an ass towards him. Fuck. 

But then!! If fiddleford has the chance to heal!!! (say… maybe… when the twins are on the stan o war II) then stan would come back to gravity falls and see fiddleford looking like the person he knew thirty years ago!!!! WHAT!?!?! CAN’T RUN FROM YOUR PAST FOREVER, CAN YOU!?!?! And you KNOW fiddleford would remember what happened with stan. How long can stan keep himself in denial?? And now we’re opening up the can of worms: how the FUCK does this information reach ford?? That your brother used to canoodle with your research partner and might STILL BE?? That has so much potential too. 

Ok I wasn’t expecting to write those last two paragraphs but it’s A BIG PART OF WHY I LOVE FIDDLESTAN!!! It’s a crazy fucking rollercoaster ride!!! This thing has so many angles!!! And that’s just MY fiddlestan interpretation - I’ve seen a lot of different takes on the sort of story that would transpire between these two. But no matter what you’re cooking, It’s always a LOT. 

There’s probably so so much I didn’t touch on here. If anyone else wants to throw in their two cents as to why they like fiddlestan, please, add something!!!

[junabuggy]

hello!! i saw you wanted requests and I was wondering if you would be willing to write some platonic headcanons for the Hazbin Hotel crew with a reader who has chronic pain. (i totally get if you don't want to) thank you so much and I'm excited to see what you write in the future 😺

Hazbin Hotel Crew x Chronic pain having! GN! Reader

A/n: tysm for the request !! This is my first time writing something like this so I hope it’s okay :3 (if there’s anything I got wrong, please correct me)

Warnings: Mentions of chronic pain and disability (but like.. that’s pretty obvious lol)

Fluff✔️ Comfort✔️ Angst❌ Smut❌

‧₊˚✧ Alastor ✧˚₊‧

📻𖤐 After a while of Alastor observing you, as he does with most, he’d notice your body language and think the way you acted was a bit odd…

📻𖤐 Not in a bad way, he just didn’t understand at first why you sometimes visibly look like you were in pain or even just hobbling around to get somewhere

📻𖤐 it definitely raised his brow…

📻𖤐 Before actually approaching you and asking you about it, I’d like to think he made one of the egg boiz spy on you like he did in that one episode 😭😭

📻𖤐 I don’t know what he was expecting though. The only somewhat valuable piece of information he gathered from what the little talking egg had told him was that it saw you taking pain medication. Which did not narrow it down at all and not much of his curiosity had been quenched quite yet..

📻𖤐 So, one peaceful and early morning in the hotel, he decided it’d be best to just ask you about it.

📻𖤐 “My dear, are you feeling alright? You look to be quite discomforted…?” He’d ask casually as he took a sip from his coffee mug, one brow raised and his eyes fixed on yours, pretending like he hadn’t noticed this before today.

📻𖤐 After a chat, he was informed you had something called “chronic pain��. He asked a few questions, nodding when he got the answers and once he was satisfied, he walked off back to his quarters in the hotel.

📻𖤐 After all, he had so much research to do.

📻𖤐 Adding onto that last once I do feel as though Alastor would do more research on it when you decided to tell him about your condition.

📻𖤐 Mostly for his own benefit of learning something new since he hadn’t heard of this before… but it came in handy if you ever needed a bit of a helping hand.

📻𖤐 Like, if you happened to have a flare up or just a particularly bad day he’d sit with you and made sure you rested up.

📻𖤐 He wouldn’t verbally express it but he did take pity on you. How unfortunate you were in constant agony.

📻𖤐 He is a sadistic little fuck though so he’d probably find it mildly entertaining or at the very least fascinating to see what’d make you tick or was a challenge for you

📻𖤐 Although he’d try to be careful not to push you too much.

‧₊˚✧ Angel Dust ✧˚₊‧

🕸️ᥫ᭡ We all know Angel Dust doesn’t have much of a filter so it wouldn’t take him long to ask you why you could barely stand upright for too long or look like you’re genuinely struggling all the time.

🕸️ᥫ᭡ In fact, he’s more perceptive than people would like to think he is. He noticed it shortly after you two had met.

🕸️ᥫ᭡ He’d probably come off a bit strong, saying something along the lines of “toots? Ya alright over there? Ya don’t look so uhhh.. you don’t look too hot.” As he gave you a one over.

🕸️ᥫ᭡ You could tell he wasn’t trying to be insulting to you though, he was just concerned and wanted to know what was troubling you. It showed ever so slightly on the spiders face.

🕸️ᥫ᭡ Once you explained to Angel your condition he felt bad. Like, huh? Whatdoya mean you sometimes have trouble even getting outta bed in the morning because of how much pain you’re in?? Sometimes you neglect your own basic needs because you’re in constant pain?

🕸️ᥫ᭡ As he tired to wrap his head around the thought, he’d ask if there’s anything he could do to help. Of course though, there wasn’t much he could do.

🕸️ᥫ᭡ From that day on, Angel would try to make things at least a little easier for you. You had earned the title of his friend, after all. Why would he let his friend suffer alone?

🕸️ᥫ᭡ He loves to cook and is pretty good at it so expect a few homemade meals on him at least a few times <3

🕸️ᥫ᭡ If you ever had a flare up you better fucking believe he’d sit there with you and just talk. He rambles like an old man lol

🕸️ᥫ᭡ Also 100% has movie nights with you with both of you guys’ favourite snacks.

🕸️ᥫ᭡ Oh and of course his pig Fat Nuggets would be joining you two

🕸️ᥫ᭡ And thankfully the little guy adores you. Which gains some points with Angel

🕸️ᥫ᭡ The piggy would crawl into your lap if you were up for it. He’s pretty light and his oinks and squeals are bound to make you crack a smile

🕸️ᥫ᭡ Angel is no stranger to feeling pain, so he knows how much it sucks.

🕸️ᥫ᭡ That’s why I believe he’d be one of the best people to tell. You’re his friend and wants to make sure you’re okay as possible.

‧₊˚✧ Husker ✧˚₊‧

🍺🃁 Husker, much like Angel, would notice almost immediately that something was up with you…

🍺🃁 At first Husk couldn’t place it. He just knew that he didn’t often see you standing up straight for long periods of time and that you looked like you were constantly unwell.

🍺🃁 Was it just bad migraines? He’s never really seen you drunk before so it’s not like it could be really bad hangovers.

🍺🃁 Plus, this has been going on since you arrived here so that seemed highly unlikely.

🍺🃁 Husk was the type of guy to keep it to himself though. If it didn’t concern him, why bother saying anything about it?

🍺🃁 One day though, you sat yourself down at the bar and asked for some water. This time however, you looked worse than usual, practically doubled over as you stared down at the bar.

🍺🃁 Even though Husk usually kept his mouth shut.. he couldn’t help but ask if you had a headache or something and if you needed some migraine medication.

🍺🃁 He wasn’t heartless.

🍺🃁 When you shook your head no slowly and told him you were just having a “flare up” he asked what you meant to which you gave a brief explanation of the condition you have.

🍺🃁 Suddenly, it all made sense. That’s why you looked like you were constantly in pain. It’s because you were.

🍺🃁 He slid you the ice cold water gently and observed you for a few moments before going back to wiping the glasses as he spoke to you.

🍺🃁 “If you need something don’t be afraid to ask for it.” He’d say, his deep voice trying to be as comforting as it can while also maintaining somewhat of a nonchalant tone.

🍺🃁 Then, after that, it became routine for you to sit at the bar with him.

🍺🃁 He definitely wasn’t complaining. It was nice getting to know you and since you had a place to just sit and rest, he got to see you more often.

🍺🃁 you swiftly became good friends with him and he was pretty helpful when it came to your condition.

🍺🃁 he’d do his best to check up on you often :)

‧₊˚✧ Vaggie ✧˚₊‧

🗡️☪︎ Vaggie heard about your chronic pain from Charlie so there wouldn’t be a need to tell her about it lol

🗡️☪︎ I have a feeling she’d be a little awkward with attempting to help you out…

🗡️☪︎ Like it’s not like she can really make you feel better so it’s a bit of a struggle for her..

🗡️☪︎ But she does try her best though because she cares about you. You’re her friend.

🗡️☪︎ After a few motivational words from Charlie she’s good to go, attempting to comfort you.

🗡️☪︎ I have a feeling she’d try to help by grabbing you stuff you wanted or needed and chatting with you.

🗡️☪︎ She’s actually quite fun to converse with, she’s pretty sweet when she wants to be and can hold good conversations :))

🗡️☪︎ She’s a good listener so if you wanted to vent or just had something on your mind, she’d listen.

🗡️☪︎ During flareups, Vaggie would just stay by your side and wait it out with you, if you needed anything, she’d be on it and would be back pretty fucking quickly too 💀

🗡️☪︎ Would put a random show on if you wanted a distraction and might let you rest your head on her shoulder if you so desired

🗡️☪︎ I can’t think of much else for her other than the fact she’d try her best. Maybe mess up a few times but ultimately she means well and tries to be as understanding as she possibly can be <33

‧₊˚✧ Charlie ✧˚₊‧

⭐️☀︎ The first thing you did when you arrived at the hotel was inform the very excited daughter of Lucifer that you had chronic pains so you might have to take it a bit slow when showing you around the Hazbin Hotel..

⭐️☀︎ And of course, Charlie being who she was, was very understanding and accepting of that fact.

⭐️☀︎ She’d heard about your condition before so making accommodations for you wouldn’t be an issue

⭐️☀︎ She’s a sweetheart so quite literally your biggest supporter

⭐️☀︎ Like, oh? You need something??Ohmygodwhydidntyoutellmesoonerhereitis :33

⭐️☀︎ Much like Vaggie, she’d sit and talk with you during your flareups

⭐️☀︎ Maybe make you a tea and discuss future plans and such for the hotel to get your mind off of things. Works sometimes surprisingly enough.

⭐️☀︎ She’s nice to talk to, very comforting vibes

⭐️☀︎ But it may get a bit annoying how many times she asks if you’re sure there’s nothing she can do to make your pain go away somehow lol

⭐️☀︎ Or even just how many times she asks if you need something. “Do you need anything? No? Are you sure? Okay…. But are you really sure?”

⭐️☀︎ Might stress herself out on occasion over it tbh😭🙏

⭐️☀︎ But she only means well, you know that.

⭐️☀︎ Her cat Keekee I’m sure would love to cuddle, the cute cyclopean kitty pushing its forehead against your hand for pets (only if you’re up to it, of course.)

⭐️☀︎ Asides from Angel, Charlie would definitely be the best person to tell in the hotel because like… genuinely she just wants to help In any way she can lol

‧₊˚✧ Niffty ✧˚₊‧

🧼𐙚 Niffty is quite blunt as well, very out there and doesn’t really think before she speaks half of the time it just kinda comes out 😭

🧼𐙚 So.. she’d probably take one look at you, and ask why you’re in pain.

🧼𐙚 To which you’d explain to the little one eyed maid your condition, she’d think about it for a moment before asking a shitload of questions about it to which you answer :))

🧼𐙚 Other than that I don’t think Niffty would like… really do much?

🧼𐙚 Maybe clean for you

🧼𐙚 But there’s not much else she would do, realistically, she might forget about it and then ask again. Once you remind her she remembers tho lol

🧼𐙚 During your flareups I do believe like the others she’d sit with you for a while…

🧼𐙚 Before spotting a roach and scurrying off to go take care of the pest. Once done, she’d come back and the cycle repeats.

𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐞, 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 ◟( ˃̶͈◡ ˂̶͈ )◞

ᯓ★ 𝐣𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐲

[witchpassing]

interview_3aC

I got into piloting during the Third Generation. For the historically illiterate, that’s before the breakpoint, not after. Summer Offensive, Chelsk Offensive, ‘81, ‘82… All that shit.

When you say pilot now, people get a certain mental image. It wasn’t like that, back then; end of the day, a G3 frame is basically just another kind of tank. Hot like hell inside and full analogue control. You had to think five, six, seven seconds ahead sometimes, because that’s how long it’d take you to string together the inputs for what you were doing next.

I was good. I mean, I’m good at my job now, sure, but… you should’ve fuckin’ seen me then.

... Anyway. Long and short of it is, I got unlucky. Everyone does, sooner or later. Coterie railcannon caved in part of my cockpit, crushed my leg to dogmeat, and that was that. A few years later, they’d have amputated, plugged in a spare, and sent me back in, but this was ‘83, the tech wasn’t there yet. We were hearing about it, you know, shit on the grapevine about the brain-machine barrier, weird tests underground out in Lysk, but I don’t think any of us really believed in it.

I wanna say I knew what was coming, but I didn’t. Nobody did.

So. Cockpit breach. Fucked leg. They did a lot of work, got it to where I could walk on a good day, but it was obvious I wasn’t gonna cut it any more. Took my pension, checked out, spent eight years in the worst dyke bars I could find. Don’t really wanna talk about that part. That’s not what you’re here for, anyway.

So I’m a few years down the line, losing my mind somewhere in Sengrade, and I get a call. It’s this guy I used to know, I never really nailed down what he did, Information maybe, and he’s telling me about this program they’re spinning up over in Lysk, and sure that rings some alarm bells but what am I gonna do, say no? I don’t even need to hear the specifics, he’s trying to tell me it’s the next big jump in frame tech, it’s gonna win us the war, whatever, I’m already halfway onto a train.

The job turned out to be the Fifth Generation. Not only was the brain-machine barrier real, but they’d smashed clean through it. I said a G3 is basically a tank, right? So I was expecting an iteration on the form. Sharper, sleeker sure, but at the end of the day just a prettier-looking tank.

Well, I was dead fuckin’ wrong. Seeing something that size move that way, it’s… I don’t think I can put it into words. Go find a poet or something. Ask them what they think about Gen 5.

… Didn’t come for free, of course. The neural throughput on a machine that size will cook an unprepared brain like a fuckin’ egg. You need to be dosed to the gills on a whole cocktail of ten-syllable shit to take it for more than a few minutes, and the drugs make you weird. Horny, mostly - I’m sure you’ve heard about that - but you’re also looking at impaired impulse control, difficulty with long-term thinking, emotional disregulation, mania… Plus, there’s something in the cocktail or the link or both that is bastard habit-forming. You see them counting the hours between sorties. They adjust to the hyperstimulation, get calibrated to it, and then everything else is just too god-damn quiet.

Think maybe it’s carcinogenic, actually, but you didn’t hear that from me.

So, yeah. Weird. Command doesn’t want weird operating superweaponry. Weird doesn’t make sound tactical decisions. Which means all the shit that makes somebody a functioning soldier - the long-term decision making, the impulse control, the ability to give a fuck about the rules of engagement - it had to be outsourced.

The term they used at first was “special consultant”. Then “special consulting officer”, once we hit field testing. It wasn’t “handler” until later.

The first crop of us - I’m just gonna say handlers, I know how you’re gonna wanna spin this, I get it - were all ex-pilots. G3, mostly; Gen 4 didn’t leave a lot of material to work with. I guess the idea was we were the closest you could get to a G5 candidate’s frame of reference, but it was pretty clear within the first few months that that was bullshit. Some of us took to it, some of us washed out. A lot couldn’t take the wetwork, which I guess I can sympathise with.

Me, I handled it fine. Better than I should’ve, maybe. Being a tanker didn’t do shit for me, but my dad, he was a dog trainer, and… Yeah, well, you get the idea.

… No, no. The other kind of wetwork. You know what I mean.

…

The leg? Ha. Yeah, they offered me a prosthetic. ‘Course they did. But, call me a hypocrite, whatever you want - by that point I was six months in and I knew with total fuckin’ certainty I didn’t want the link. I spend enough of my time helping the military put their shit into peoples’ bodies, you know? I don’t want it walking home with me.

… No, I don’t understand why they keep signing up. Early days, sure, nobody knew what it did to you back then, but there’s been leaks, people’ve talked - hell, I’m talking right now. You can find our burnouts in any dive in the country, or what's fuckin' left of them. The candidates now, they know what we do to people here, and they just keep coming, and coming…

Though, you know… I think sometimes about the first time I saw a Gen 5 machine take off, that first day on the program. The way it moved against the blue-black of the sky, like it weighed nothing at all. And I almost get it.

[clovesnz]

don’t really know how to write smut (finally edited this)

it's very heterosexual and also there is no actual spelled out sneezing. lots of nosefucky and snotfuckery. very self inserty for me. lots of uhhh dry humping? idk guys.

“Oh my god you can’t just sit there in front of me like that my horny brain is going to actually fucking explode”

He sits at the edge of the bed. She is leaned against the headboard, blushing in spite of herself as she watches him sniffle and scrunch his nose up and down, over and over, in an obvious exaggeration of what are, to be fair, very real allergy symptoms. He lets out a long, labored sniff and scrubs at his nose vigorously.

“What? What am I doing?”

His eyes are twinkling, mischievous. He’s watching her practically squirm. She can't take her eyes off his nose. It’s glowing pink from all the rubbing and irritation, and as she watches, he pinches it between two fingers and locks eyes with her, one eyebrow cocked in amusement, and wrings his hand back and fourth, producing an obnoxious, messy squelching noise.

“Stopppp oh my god you fucking evil bastard” 

“Whatt why am I evil?” 

He puts on an ironic grin of feighned innocence, eyes wide, lip slightly curled. 

“I can’t help it. It’s just…” another sniff. Another theatrical scrub.

“...my nose”

“Oh my GOD no stop it”

She’s waving her hands in his direction, feebly attempting to shew his hands off of his nose. He really is laughing at her now, the fucking asshole, and she starts to laugh too. But he’s not gonna get away with it. She scoots towards him on the bed. They’re both completely cracking up now, and between breaths of laughter she struggles to grab hold of his hands, still going at his nose. 

"You’re so…mean this is not…not…okay just…get...no no no, uh-uh… there”

She’s half on top of him, and has managed after a bit of a struggle to get his hands pinned behind his back, away from his itching nose. There. No more teasing. They are both grinning silly at each other, their faces close. Close enough that she can see a little dampness around his nostrils. But just as she’s going to kiss him, arms still holding him firmly in place, his face changes. His upper brow wrinkles, and he looks genuinely panicked enough that she loosens her grip in concern. She is about to ask what’s wrong, when he tilts his head up and takes in a sudden breath, and she realizes, completely entranced, that he’s fighting the urge to sneeze. 

His teasing facade has completely disappeared, replaced with a frantic sort of embarrassed concern.

“Shit, I swear this wasn’t…I didn’t…”

It’s like she sees it in slow motion. He brings one hand to her side to brace himself, leans the other way, takes two more wavering breaths, and then lets out a harsh, wet sneeze into the back of his wrist. She feels her stomach drop, down, a sharp ache that pangs harder when he lowers his hand to reveal two strings of clear snot running from his nose. Holy shit. Her head rushes, and her heart races, and she just…stares, frozen.

“Sorry, does that make it un-sexy?”

He cringes down at his hand, face full of the self disgust of someone who's body has made a mess that they can’t control.

“What, no! I…sorry,”  

She doesn’t know how to explain, but she also doesn’t want him feeling that way, because god, she would watch him do that all day if she could. She tries anyways,

“It got a little too real and my brain kinda short-circiuted”

But he just looks more concerned, for her now instead of himself. Fuck why can’t she get the words out right.

“Shit, I’m sorry. Too real how?" He looks down at his hand again, deciding that must be the culprit.

“Here I’ll go get something to -”

He makes to slide off the bed and grab the tissues on his desk, but she tugs him back to her by his shirt.

“No! No wait, please.” 

He turns for her, and lets her take his hands, looking back down, eyes searching. She takes a calming breath, but before she can try to make words out of the paralyzing waves of desire coursing through her, another drip of snot slides out of his left nostril, and he winces, “Ugh, sorry,” and lets go of her and reaches a hand to swipe at it. But now her brain is working enough to send signals to her body, at least, and she stops his arm, firm but more gently than when he was doing it to tease her.

“...no.”

He obeys, and lets her pull him down to her level again. He’s holding her gaze, curious. Waiting. For her to explain, to communicate. Her whole body is shaking, just a little.

“Just…”

She reaches one hand up and cups his cheek for a moment, letting her thumb graze the very edge of the sparkling wetness covering his upper lip. He accepts the touch, leaning into it,  but his eyes are still searching.

“Wh-”

Before he can ask, she lifts her other hand, and gently, methodically, the way someone might delicately run their finger over a beautiful piece of jewelry, touches the pooling snot with the tip of her pointer finger. She breathes in and shudders, her whole body zinging and tingling at the feeling of it on her fingers, and that’s when she can see it click for him.

“....oh.”

She takes another shuddering breath. She wants to do more, wants to swipe at his nose, to cover her fingers in his snot, to make him blow into them, to have it in her mouth, but it’s all so much and it’s so…it’s so odd, it’s got to be so add, to him, and now she’s too embarrassed to keep going but also too captivated to stop and she drops her hand a lets out a whimper of frustration that is maybe actually just neediness and he looks at her, just as enthralled. He’s not laughing anymore, he is all attention, his own breaths picking up pace with hers.

“Yeah?”

He’s asking her without asking. Yeah, you like me like this? You like all of it?

“....um. Yeah.”

His eyes sparkle, fiery and exited

“Oh, fuck, okay. What do you…what do you want me to do?”

It’s such an open-ended question, and a dozen deeply held fantasies, the kinds of things she never thought she'd ask of anyone, flood through her mind. But the thought of speaking to them is so scary, it’s so ingrained in her head that she’ll gross him out, that he’ll find it all too weird, and she feels that rising panic again, and it makes her want to stop all of this and curl up in a ball and hide.

“I’m..oh my god no I’m embarrassed”

She breaks away and falls back onto the bed, covering her face defensively, her cheeks prickling and burning in mortification. But he just follows, propping himself up over her, and some of her embarrassment vanishes as he lowers himself against her, because holy shit, apparently it’s not just her who is wildy, embarrassingly turned on right now. He leans down to one of her ears, and she feels the dampness of his upper lip pressed, purposefully, almost nuzzled, against her cheek as he whispers, not teasing this time but tantalizing, serious, like he’s daring her:

“Stop being embarrassed”

And it’s too much, he’s too good like this, she can’t…she wants it too badly. She groans and rocks into him, and when he gasps a little in response she catches his breath in her lips. She feels her whole body tingle and sparkle as she realizes she can taste the bit of salt still on his lips. She can’t help it - she whines, and thrusts against him again, and kisses him deeper, and steals herself and lets herself nip at his upper lip, and god when she does it she feels it, like really feels it, the snot smeared onto her own lip now. And she wants to do it again, wants it in her mouth, wants to have it, his cute red nose and his snot, so she kisses him there, right under his nose, and she feels him smile beneath her but he doesn’t flinch away, and it’s not enough so she does it again, and when he brings her back to his mouth it's encouraging, and kind of messy, and he breaks away by running kisses down her chin until his dripping nose is pressed up against her mouth. Now she’s not thinking, she’s not thinking at all she’s just wanting and so she nips at the tip of his nose and oh god she likes it so much, so she does it again but lets her tongue feel it too, and he just nuzzles into it so she lets her mouth explore. Nipping and his nostrils, gently squeezing them together with her teeth, running her tongue up his septum and around one nostril and then the other, peppering his upper lip with generous, licking kisses until all the snot there is gone, so she follows it’s path, slipping her tongue ever so slightly up to one nostril. She feels his nose twitch as she does it, and it sends a thrill through her body so she does it more, flicking it back and fourth at the opening of it. He gasps,

“You’re gonna make me…oh fuck I’m…”

And he leans to the side, disengaging to let out a forceful sneeze into his elbow. He stays turned away, frozen with his face turned upwards, building to another one.

“Hey - ”

She reaches for his crooked elbow, gently bringing it down from his face, and he catches her meaning and turns back to her right as it hits him, pitching forward into her chest with the force of the sneeze that spills out of him. Strings of snot wet the front of her t-shirt and she feels her hips thrust reactively at the pleasure of it.

“Fuck me, oh my sweetheart…” she coos, and he whimpers a little at the pet name and lets out snuffling little squeek as she presses into him harder, bold enough now to tenderly, adoringly swipe at the snot running from his twitching nose. 

“Oh..fuck, oh my darling, can you do that again?”

And he does, bending forward into her again with the force of another sneeze, and holy shit she doesn’t know if her cunt can take it she's aching so badly but he’s so preoccupied, hitching and blinking and twitching, and when he starts getting close again he leans into her again but she doesn’t want to stop watching this time so she asks,

“Hey…look at me”

And he does, obedient, meeting her gaze and keeping it until his eyes are forced shut and he sneezes, barely turning away this time, misting her face in spittle and sniffling helplessly at the aftermath. 

“Bless you”

She gasps, and his face is already crumpling again but he keeps himself level with her, and this time the spray is thicker and hits her face and god the way his whole body tenses and releases and his cock presses against her with the force of it and if he doesn’t start touching her she going to have to start touching herself.

“Uhhnn, bless you. Fuck, I-I can’t…this is…fuck”

He grins at her loss of composure, teasing again even as he fights back another sneeze, and she gasps and cries out a little as he moves against her, wrapping her legs around his waist. He laughs a little,

“Y-yeah?”

She just nods, yes, thrusting harder to emphasize the point, and god this is stupid why don’t they have their fucking clothes off already, and he’s still sniffling and hitching but he props himself on one arm and reaches to the button of her corduroy jeans and she can’t bare to wait for him to fumble with them one handed so undoes them herself and and slides them off, and he groans a little between hitches when he slides his hand under the waistband of her boxers and lets out a breath, like he's relieved to finally be there. She sucks in a breath as he begins to he tease the opening of her cunt, infuriatingly. She whines in protest and he obliges quickly, slipping two fingers inside of her and pulsing softly against her, all the while still hitching and blinking, building up to sneeze again, and she realizes after a few moments, in complete amazement, that he’s going at her harder the closer he gets to sneezing. She gasps,

“Keep… keep doing that”

And he does, faster and faster and then pulling up with his whole arm as his body shakes with it, spraying her in snot and spit and she cries out and begs, cause he’s got her so close and she needs more but he’s slowed again. He's slowed and she’ll have to wait, have to wait for the tickle to built up because that’s how this game works now. But two can play at that, so she reaches for the back of his neck, a little forceful in her want but he lets her, and she flicks her tongue against the opening of his nostril, fast, like she did before, and he matches the rhythm of it with his fingers. It’s getting faster, and she’s so fucking close with him on her and inside of her and under her tongue and she’s breathing so heavily it’s hard to keep her tongue moving but she does until he pulls back, only slightly, still going at her faster than her fucking vibrator, and his eyes flutter shut and oh god she wants it, wants to feel it, to hear it to see it to taste it and she does, right as she hits her peak, screaming out as he erupts once more, the spray landing against her open mouth, and she grabs for him desperately, ravenously, and kisses him, deep and sticky as she rides out her orgasm on his fingers.

**************

Epilogue: he pulls off her shirt and blows his nose in it and then she makes him do the same thing with his own shirt and then his pants and then her underwear and then she gets on top of him and fucks him while he sneezes all over himself but she stops before he cums and finishes him off with her hands so that she can see him make that much more of a mess of himself and then she takes him to the shower to get cleaned off and the sneezing has died down but they fuck again in the shower anyways and then she lovingly rubs soothing lotion around his irritated nostrils and forces him to take the Claratin she bought him because the whole thing started when he ran out and forgot to buy more. The end.

**************

anyways so yeah. sorrry for the weird formatting. ya girl used to read a novel every week back in high school but still doesn't know how to structure dialogue. if u read this i love you <333

[lycandrophile]

i just got back from my first ever gynecological exam and somehow, despite the doctor being really nice and way more knowledgeable about trans bodies than i was expecting, it still ended up being incredibly upsetting and honestly probably mildly traumatizing. i’m sure it’s no secret to anyone following me that going to the gynecologist is a uniquely shitty experience for a lot of trans guys and i knew that but i really was not prepared for that.

first of all, everything you read says that the pelvic exam and pap smear shouldn’t hurt even if they’re super uncomfortable, but let me tell you, that shit fucking hurt. like, i have a pretty high pain tolerance and usually even when something does hurt i don’t show it very much, but that was maybe the most painful thing i’ve ever had a doctor do to me and it showed. to be fair, i’ve never had good luck with things like that — i couldn’t even use tampons back when i had a period because the one time i did, taking it out was really painful — and i’m on t now so i’m sure that makes things even harder and i was prepared for it to hurt, but i really wasn’t ready for just bad it was. it’s been an hour since the exam finished and there’s still some pain so, yeah, so much for “it’s just uncomfortable, not painful”.

(and a side note: when it did hurt, the doctor told me to relax my muscles because the tension makes it hurt more. what they didn’t seem to realize is that if your brain and body are collectively rejecting the presence of something inside you, making those muscles relax is a fucking herculean task and i for one was not in any way capable of it so it just…kept getting more painful.)

i also was never informed ahead of time of what a pelvic exam actually entails; i had assumed it was a more general external checkup, and that the pap smear was the only really invasive part. as it turns out, i was very wrong, and “pelvic exam” actually means the doctor sticks their finger up you to feel around. she asked me if i was comfortable getting the exam because it was so obvious that the pap smear didn’t go well, but i had no clue what i was saying yes to and it was a total surprise for me when there was something inside me again. and she knew it was my first time, so she had no reason to assume i knew that the exam would be like. by the time i realized i absolutely should not have said yes to it, i was too late and it was already happening. it really feels like common sense that if you’re going to be giving someone what basically amounts to a professional fingering, you should probably make it clear that that’s what’s about to happen, but i guess that doctor would disagree.

and of course, the whole time i was also being misgendered. the doctor used the right name for me, but the other staff didn’t and everything about it was so excessively gendered (i’m pretty sure the appointment i had was literally called a “women’s wellness visit” on the same sheet that had trans man and nonbinary as gender options). not to mention, when i told them i’m getting top surgery and have the exact date set, the nurse made a comment to like“well aren’t you one of the lucky ones,” which really felt like it had “i think trans guys have a super easy time getting surgeries that cis women have to fight for” energy.

and the irony of all this definitely isn’t lost on me — i just did a project this past semester about how trans guys are fucked over by reproductive healthcare practices so a lot of us just never go, and now i got some firsthand experience in exactly why so many of us just say “no fucking way”.

i just want to put this out there for anyone who hasn’t done it before because i think this would have been a lot less awful for me if someone had just told me “yeah, it might hurt way more than you think, and also that thing they call a pelvic exam is actually an internal exam.” i thought i was prepared and i totally wasn’t, so hopefully this will reach someone else who will be better off knowing all of this.

[bloodweep]

Wow! You got popular really fast!! :D

I was wondering if you could do JD, Bruce, and Clay with an insecure partner, and how they handle that? SFW and NSFW if you could <3<3<3

I did! It’s a bit intimidating if I’m being honest, I didn’t know so many people would like my headcanons or my writing style,, I’m so scared that people will just stop enjoying them if they don’t align with the characters I portray them as 😭😭😭

BUT OF COURSE BEING AS I AM INCREDIBLY INSECURE PERSON THIS IS HOW I WOULD WANT IT TO GO

━━━━━━━ ✦❘༻༺❘✦ ━━━━━━━

John Dory:

SFW:

‗ ❍ It would take him a bit to understand that you are insecure, his ego and pride getting in the way in the best and worst possible ways - I mean he finds you so damn attractive and doesn’t understand how and why you would feel insecure about him

‗ ❍ he wouldn’t see it until it became way too obvious and other people have said something - don’t get him wrong he’s attentive to you but sometimes his head is up his own ass about things

‗ ❍ once he does understand he will lose that stupid (fucking handsome) grin and look at you with such concern - he’s not very good at hiding his displeasure or any emotion for that matter

‗ ❍ he would pull you aside, privately, and ask what’s wrong and what happened, his hand brushing under your chin and lifting it up so you can always have eye contact with him- he wants to study any subtle or subconscious emotions that flicker across your face

‗ ❍ he will listen (he’s learned to do so!! And is actively still trying to ensure he learns!! He doesn’t want to mess up like he did with his brothers!!)

‗ ❍ though his sadness, anger and frustration will show on his face as he listens to your words - he cannot believe how you feel this way, he doesn’t like it and desires to fully change it if he can - if he’s far too cocky he will rom it down for you, if you need more words of affirmations he will, he doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable around him

‗ ❍ once you’re done telling him, he will drag you into his arms, holding you tightly, his ears lowering as he whispers gentle into your ear how “you’re the best person he’s very known”, “you’re perfect for me”, “no one else”

‗ ❍ tail will be so droopy on the floor

‗ ❍ he would continue to whispers sweet and soft things in your ear, pressing gentle kisses to your ear - he really is trying to be better than he was

‗ ❍ definitely will sway back and forth with you - very subtly; only you would feel it and no one would see it

‗ ❍ he would pull back after a while and look down at you “I wish you told me sooner, and if you did I am sorry I did not listen” he would say, a determined look in his eye

‗ ❍ would hover around you more, and doesn’t care if people question it

‗ ❍ will check in when you need it and to see how you’re feeling

NSFW:

‗ ❍ he would be pretty aggressive with you in bed honestly, his hands all over you, being mindful of his claws and hurting you

‗ ❍ he’s surprisingly very VERY in tune with your body, his nose dragging along your skin to catch any fluctuation in your scent

‗ ❍ when he does he will pause, hands on your hips and looking up at you curiosity, blinking his eyes rapidly to get that daze look out of his eyes

‗ ❍ he would sneer when told you were insecure “why?” He would question, he couldn’t believe someone so perfect would feel insecure.

‗ ❍ “who made you feel insecure about your body?” He would demand, a snarl in his throat

‗ ❍ would lower his face into your chest, nuzzling but flicking his ears up and forwards to listen

‗ ❍ grip would tighten on your hips

‗ ❍ “you’re the most perfect person to me, your body is absolutely beautiful and perfect” he would whisper kissing down your torso slowly

‗ ❍ definitely will nibble all over your stomach gently, dragging his tongue along your abdomen - sucking a soft hickey there

‗ ❍ ugh would press his fangs into your skins so gently

‗ ❍ his hands slipping down your hips to your thighs, pressing them up and out so he can slot between them better

‗ ❍ remember, this man is a fucking munch he’s def getting into that area with immense speed

‗ ❍ his tongue UGH I know that bitch is so fucking long

‗ ❍ would nuzzle into the area, inhaling softly and rubbing his cheek against it

‗ ❍ “so perfect, tight, pretty” is all he would say as he moved to drag his tongue up so so slowly, his hands gripping into your thighs so they can’t close

‗ ❍ “going to make you know how pretty you are, gonna make you cum so much until those thoughts are gone” (RAHHHH)

‗ ❍ gods that tail wagging at your taste - definitely comments how great you taste and he could have his face between your legs for forever

‗ ❍ won’t stop until you’re whining how perfect you are

‗ ❍ ugh would try to fit all 12 inches of himself in you, hands pressing on your stomach “feel how tight you are? How tight? So perfect for my fucking cock” he would murmur

‗ ❍ totally would lean all in your face making you look him in the eyes - would stop moving if you don’t

━━━━━━━ ✦❘༻༺❘✦ ━━━━━━━

Bruce

Sfw:

‗ ❍ would notice immediately, his face scrunching up as he tries to figure out what caused such feelings

‗ ❍ he would gently place a hand on your shoulder and wait for you to turn to him, he wants you to feel comfortable and go at your pace

‗ ❍ “what’s wrong?” He would ask, “what’s got your scent so sour?” He would continue, patiently wanting until you answered

‗ ❍ he would keep eye contact with you the whole time, nodding to show he was listening

‗ ❍ “oh, dear,” he would whisper “I’m so sorry” he would reply

‗ ❍ he would move to sit down with you, listening attentively “I don’t want you to feel like this; is there anything I can do to ease these feelings?” His other hand rubbing up and down your forearm so gently

‗ ❍ he so would remove his necklace and put it on you; smiling

‗ ❍ his tail will be limp, he doesn’t enjoy how upset you were

‗ ❍ he would move you both out of the area if it started to get too much for you; fucking you guys somewhere comfortably on the beach

‗ ❍ he would make a picnic for you on the way there! Sitting on a blanket and enjoying each others company

‗ ❍ always holding your hand until you calm down

‗ ❍ lets you use his shoulder to cry on if needed, rubbing your upper back softly and nuzzling his cheek into your hair

‗ ❍ would press a gentle kiss to your hair then forehead “we can take to as fast or slow you need to, I’m here with you the whole time”

NSFW:

‗ ❍ he would immediately have a conversation before hand, asking what was okay with you and what was not, listening to everything you say

‗ ❍ he would state his boundaries too - which weren’t many, barely if any

‗ ❍ he would start off slow, laying you down and kissing you so gently, hands wandering up and down your body softly

‗ ❍ he wouldn’t do anything until you did something, never wanted to go pass what was comfortable

‗ ❍ once he was given the okay he would slide down to kiss along your neck, pressing his fangs against your skin and rubbing them gently into your pulse

‗ ❍ how fingers slipping into your waist band and skimming the skin hidden there

‗ ❍ his hips grinding into your thigh softly

‗ ❍ “Can I go lower?” He asked his fingers dipping closer, only finally reaching and gently mapping out the area

‗ ❍ he’s so into suckling on your chest too, so gentle, nearly ticklish, would lean back and look up at you “are you doing okay?” He would ask, waiting for a response before sliding back to your chest and sucking

‗ ❍ “you’re so perfect and beautiful” he would whisper, using his free hand to brush your hair of your face

‗ ❍ he definitely goes so soft and gentle for you, whispering how there’s nothing wrong with you the whole time

━━━━━━━ ✦❘༻༺❘✦ ━━━━━━━

Clay:

SFW:

‗ ❍ he is so fucking in tune with you, his tail flicking behind him quickly to show his displeasure

‗ ❍ his own anxiety would peak for faster than normal

‗ ❍ he would blurt out “what’s wrong?” Before biting his lip embarrassedly and tucking into himself

‗ ❍ holds a hand out to you to take before quickly taking you both to a separate place

‗ ❍ wrings his hands together to listen to you, his ears drooped down but facing you closely

‗ ❍ his heart would fucking snap knowing how insecure you felt his hands coming up to hold your face so gentle and moving close

‗ ❍ “do I make you feel like this?” He would ask, “please tell me I don’t actually hurt you..” he would whisper moving to rub his snout against your nose

‗ ❍ would kiss all tears away if they do fall, nuzzle into your cheeks just under your eyes and pressing soft kisses there

‗ ❍ would left go of your face and hold his arms out waiting for you to hug him

‗ ❍ would wrap his arms around your torso so tightly and holding you closer, burying his face into your hair

‗ ❍ SWAYS HE SWAYS - back and forth and side to side, just enjoying your warmth

‗ ❍ he’s the biggest baby - next or Floyd of course

‗ ❍ “let me know if I can do anything for you”

NSFW:

‗ ❍ he would listen to everything you say, he’s already had so many conversations about boundaries he need to be sure; he was extremely taller than you, and had fangs and claws that he didn’t want to hurt you

‗ ❍ and let you sit on top of his lap, holding your hips gently

‗ ❍ nervously looking up at you before contenting it to not make you feel any worse

‗ ❍ “I love you so much, I love everything about you” he would whisper running his hands up your stomach to your chest and back down

‗ ❍ “no one could make me happier than you can”

‗ ❍ “you can take control” he would say and he means it, do whatever you please with him to gain the confidence you need, doesn’t care if it ends up teasing him

‗ ❍ gosh he would enter you so so slowly, holding you softly but firm to prevent yourself from going to quick

‗ ❍ gasping at how soft and tight you are “oh, oh goodness,” he would whisper “you’re so perfect for me”

‗ ❍ lets you set the pace, one hand coming up to hold your cheek, rubbing his thumb against your cheekbone, sharing breaths as you ride him

‗ ❍ asks about everything !!

‗ ❍ “May I thrust into you?” He would whisper, eyes locked onto yours waiting for your confirmation before gently thrusting up

‗ ❍ hugs you to his chest if you need it! Kissing along your forehead and nose bridge

‗ ❍ so sweet it’s nearly torturous

‗ ❍ “mine and I am yours”

━━━━━━━ ✦❘༻༺❘✦ ━━━━━━━

Tagging: @akwardlydifficult

I hope you like 🥹🫶

[tokiwarcube]

Hi!! I've been binging your writing, and I love the way you write for all the boys! Could we get something about doing their corpsepaint before a show? Headcanons or drabble, either is good <3 thanks! <3

Oh, yes!! I've been wanting to write something like this for a while -- below the cut! (And thank you so much!! <3)

Nathan Explosion

Nathan has a very specific way of doing things — every piece has to be in its proper place before things can proceed. His perfectionist nature has mostly applied to the music side of things — whether it be through nature or prophecy, he’s never really been able to tell — but that’s not to say that the actual performance is just cobbled together. No; if anything, he’s just as particular about the shows themselves. And corpsepaint is just another piece of it all. Nathan letting you do his paint is quite the sign of trust — a handing over of the reigns. A form of vulnerability, loathe as he is to admit it.

You didn’t think it was possible for his voice to get any deeper than it already is, but as he averts his eyes and mumbles some half-baked response to your mindless prattling, you’re sure you can feel the room shake. He swallows, evidently flustered under your gaze. That fire is only stoked by your gentle touch — the gentle caress of sponge on skin, the tilting of his jaw, the swiping of stray strands… it’s intimate in a way it shouldn’t be, and despite the fact that he can hear his heart pounding in his ears, he’s soaking up every moment of it. He does his best to make small talk, so as not to give away his fluster, but it’s deeply obvious to anyone walking by just how smitten he is with you.

Pickles the Drummer

Pickles has very fond memories of doing his makeup in gas station bathrooms as a teenager and young adult, despite the insults and slurs hurled his way. The glittery makeup of his youth — loud, proud, and very “fuck you” in nature — was truly an artform. Intricate, yet slapped together at the same time. So similar and yet so different from the black and white image of him today. He’s at a perfect middle ground with his paint — it’s a quick, five-minute ordeal for him that despite being thrown on haphazardly, always comes out just as its meant to. Because that’s what makes it good — he doesn’t overthink it. He just does it. So when you offer to do it for him, he’s completely game. You can’t really fuck it up, and even if you managed to, it’s not like it takes long to fix.

He can’t say he’s not enamored with how sweet you are to him, though. And sure, you certainly take a lot longer than he does, but he can’t find it in himself to complain. Not when you look at him so softly, sharing the same breath as you lean in to fix a smudge. He’s as chatty as usual, but don’t let that distract you — he is eating up your attention, and rest assured, he’ll be coming back to you for every show. He smiles, lips darting nervously between his lips, and revels in your lighthearted scolding as you go back over the microcosm he managed to rub away. If you call him out for doing it intentionally, he won’t deny it… but he probably won’t stop, either. Can you blame him, when you keep feeding the beast?

Skwisgaar Skwigelf

Skwisgaar is nothing if not a perfectionist — even with the splotchy nature of Dethklok’s corpsepaint, there always seems to be something wrong with it… unless you’re doing it, of course. The first time you do his paint for him — after a lot of begging on your own end — he’s laying on the charm thick. He’s as much of a flirt as he is a diva, really. But once he realizes how gentle you’re being? How rapt your attention is, with no ulterior motives? He’s suddenly very quiet… and very thankful for the thick layer of paint over his cheeks. After that first time, he withdraws for a little while. He doesn’t mention the incident again, and he doesn’t take up your offer to do it for him anymore. But you notice that when he’s laying the paint on, his eyes bounce over to you more and more often. And then one day, he just… hands the materials over to you before a show. And from then on it becomes a little routine — he doesn’t let anybody else but you do it. He loosens up a bit more then, starts chatting like usual again… but sometimes you’ll notice his ears get a bit red before you paint over them.

“None of these dildos knows what they ams doings, and I amnst going to damage my hands doings this stupids paintings.”

Toki Wartooth

Toki is infuriatingly smooth by pure virtue of the fact that he’s just so… genuine. He’s been doing his own corpsepaint since he was old enough to buy the materials, but after Dethklok went big, he just hasn’t had to. It can be a bit of a struggle wrangling him before a show, and makeup and costuming is just another piece of that rodeo — so, why not take that part on yourself?

“Yous hands ams so soft.”

“You ams have very pretty eyes.”

“Ams you still coming out for drinks afters this?”

His mouth seems to run at a million miles an hour, and you feel yourself start to flush at his unwavering attention. Suffice to say, Toki always asks you to do his paint for him.

William Murderface

For William, the corpsepaint is just some gimmick that really, he doesn’t give too much of a fuck about. He’s picky about his sense of style, and the corpsepaint never really fit into that for him — it’s just a quick paint-and-go type deal. Maybe there’s a half-filled smudge on his cheek, maybe he didn’t get all the way around his eyes — he doesn’t really care. So when you ask to do his paint, he’s a bit confused — maybe even insulted. He doesn’t really give it his all, but it can’t be that bad, can it? He’s a little fractious at first, but be patient enough, and you can get him in a chair. Maybe not without a few self-preserving, defensive comments, but he shuts up real quick when he feels your hand on his face. Tilting him so gently this way and that, brushing the curls out of his face to keep the paint from soaking the strands, dragging your thumb across the right areas to make little smudges… It almost feels like a prank, like someone is going to jump out at any minute and ridicule him for being soft. He thinks he’d deserve it, with how starry-eyed he feels. He whips between your normal conversation and probing questions — have you done this before? This isn’t weird for you? It’s fast enough to give you whiplash, but frankly, you know him well enough by now — a bit of patience goes a long way, and soon enough, he’ll be coming back to have you do it again, and again, and again.

[suzukiblu]

Ko-fi thank-you sentences for an anon; the Gotham Kid. Cut for length.

“Get out of the way, kid,” Pete says, stepping up behind Lily’s perch below the narrow barred window above the doors. She stares down at him warily, then flicks her eyes to Kid. He nods, because it’s a risk, but it’s a risk that needs taken right now. 

And more importantly, because it’ll get her to leave the door so she’ll be out of the splash zone if shit does go down. 

“Yer funeral, dumbass,” she says as she flashes Kid the sign for careful, then hops down and runs off. 

These kids are way too fucking good for this bullshit, Kid thinks, his chest squeezing painfully. 

Superman could do more for them than he can. Even Clark Kent could. 

Kid . . . Kid can just chase them away from where he thinks the splash zone’s gonna be and hope it works out. 

He feels all of the guys outside lift a hand at once, though only one of them actually knocks on the door. Doesn’t bode great for them not being Clayface, he thinks. Or Hatter victims. Or something equally fucking horrifying.

Could always be a total unknown, of course. Could always be that. 

“Who’s there?” Pete calls, sounding oddly . . . grim, almost. Or maybe . . . wry? 

Some part of Kid expected him to say it jokingly, for some reason. Like a knock-knock joke, or . . . like he was mocking or teasing the problem, showing off sly humor and casual confidence. Not . . . 

Why did he expect that, he wonders? 

No–why did Superman expect that? 

Because it was definitely Superman’s memories that expected that. 

“Open up,” the man who knocked drones, which is notably not a response to what Pete said. All their bodies still feel too dense, but the knocker’s built a little different from the others. 

Meaning, his body has enough in the way of lungs to actually speak. 

Fuck, Kid thinks, tightening his hands into fists. 

He knows ASL because Superman has an eidetic memory and has been slowly but surely making his way through learning the basics of as many languages as he can, for crisis situations and the like. Or at least, he knew enough ASL to get by, and he’s taught himself a little more since then. Except it’s only enough to “get by” when there’s someone else around who knows it, and he doesn’t know how to relay anything about how wrong all these fucks’ bodies feel to a bunch of strangers who probably don’t know any sign at all. 

Though even if he did, he’s not sure he wants to play that card either. 

But if it might get the others hurt . . . 

Kid hesitates, then reaches out for Pete’s sleeve. Pete jerks his arm out of the way without looking, the reaction an obvious reflex, then stares blankly back at him over his shoulder. 

“This really the time, kid?” he asks. 

Kid . . . hesitates, then points at the door. Then he fingerspells n-o b-r-e-a-t-h-e, hoping maybe the guy at least knows the alphabet. He doesn’t want to get into the whole total lack of lungs and other vital organs issue, for obvious reasons. Nobody in the neighborhood would question him saying something like that, at this point, but he doesn’t know if Pete’s gonna listen to even this much. Assuming he’s even understanding him right now, anyway.

Pete . . . tilts his head. 

“Boss?” one of his guys says, eyeing the door warily. 

“Hm,” Pete says, then looks up at the window above the door. “Wait here.” 

“Wait for–” another one of his guys starts to ask, and Pete jumps up, grabs Lily’s abandoned perch, and pulls himself up onto it all in one swift motion. The move looks smooth and effortless, and Kid might even believe it was if Superman didn’t know damn well exactly how much effort it takes a human to move like that.

At least the unenhanced ones, anyway. 

Kid remembers how green Pete’s eyes are again, and just . . . wonders, a little. 

Pete peers through the window above the door, then grins. It’s a mean, merciless one. Not the one Superman’s memories expect. 

Kid doesn’t know quite what those memories do expect, though. Just that it’s something else. Something . . . different.

[polyklok]

Omg omg i love your writing!!! No words can describe how much I love it!

Imagine muderface with a s/o or crush that says the weirdest stuff, like some stuff that they have been through. It is so random! Like those tik toks that say "the Egyptians believed the most significant thing you could do is die" in the most randomest of situations.

Like imagine just chilling out doing nothing and y/n looks over at muderface and says "would a zombie apocalypse be a formal event? Like your buried in your best clothes?"

It woukd very so cool if you could write something for this but if you don't want to that's cool!

Just wanted to share my thoughts. No one I know watches Metalocalypse.

Thank you!!!

Have a wonderful day or night!!

(I didn't really check my grammar or spelling that well, I am sorry)

Murderface with an S/O that says ~random~ things!

“The color is actually named after the fruit.”

You baffle him daily. He never asked to be spoonfed random trivia, shower thoughts, or absurd hypothetical questions. And yet, here he was, eating it all up.

When William was first met with your verbal hijinks, he was just so, so confused. Why did you know this? Why were you telling him this?

“What?”

“Orange. Like, people just described the color as yellow-red or something before the orange fruit was spread around Europe and they got a new word for it. The color is named after the fruit.”

“…Okay???”

For a while, he thought you were trying to give him clues about something. He was just extremely suspicious of you. Like, surely there had to be a reason behind it, right? Well, no, and he soon just found it was a quirk of yours.

He was always told to shut up whenever he tried to pipe in or had an interesting fact to share, so you defying one of the fundamental rules of his life is a bit jarring.

As he grows closer and more comfortable to you, he gets used to your pondering and even begins to consider them. Maybe you have a point?

“What’s the minimum amount of ducks do you think it would take to fully kill an adult rhino?”

“I don’t fuchkin’ know. Probably a schit ton.”

“I bet, like, five. They’d just swarm him.”

“You are scho wrong. He’d schtomp them all to a pashte.”

Well now he’s gonna stay awake all night thinking about it. He can’t decide if you’re the stupidest person he’s ever met or the smartest. Either way, he gets a little flustered when facing the seemingly infinite expanse of your mind.

After a while, he begins to pick up your habit. In his own Murderface-way, of course. He had a pretty obvious interest in things like car mechanics and war history, but now he’s more willing to share all of what he knows with you. He’s really excited that someone finally seems interested in what he has to say, no matter how meaningless it is.

And once that door is open, he becomes more willing to open up on a deeper level. Even though he’s a dumbass, he does have a depth of intelligence, even if he isn’t great at articulating it. Be patient and you’ll get some fascinating conversation from him.

“Even if there isch a God…like, what the fuck, man?! You juscht gonna leave us all down here to suffer and schit? I might as well ignore you juscht to schpite you! What a dick move.”

William never realized how valuable it was to him just to be listened to. Simply talking to you slowly becomes one of the better parts of his day, everyday.

It takes a lot for Murderface to love and it takes even more to love him back. But the effort is well worth it with these types of riveting discussions;

“You have to fight a bug that’s 100 times its original size and you get one weapon from the medieval era. What is your bug and what’s your weapon?”

“Easchy. Butterfly, Croschbow. One arrow for each wing. Instant win.”

[elvensorceress]

Sunday Sentences

way more than 7 of them because it's been a while and you deserve all of these 💕 tagged by @eddiebabygirldiaz @spotsandsocks @wikiangela @monsterrae1 @messyhairdiaz @theotherbuckley thank you, beloveds 💕 tagging @shortsighted-owl @hippolotamus @disasterbuckdiaz @housewifebuck @hoodie-buck @the-likesofus @bekkachaos @loserdiaz @wildlife4life @giddyupbuck @911onabc @eddiediaaz @thespermdonorstorylineisstupid @ronordmann @shitouttabuck @babytrapperdiaz @fleurdebeton @buddierights if you haven't posted yet and want to share something 😘

from the Unless finale

Eddie leans in closer, pressing harder, more securely against Buck from shoulders to thighs. “I wanted you,” he whispers and leaves a light brush of a kiss on Buck’s lips. “I want you.”

Buck holds onto him but leans to the side to look at him with a puzzled expression on his face. “You want me?”

What sort of question is that? No, Eddie does this all the time to everyone. He’s the one stealing firetrucks and hooking up in bar bathrooms. Because those are things Eddie would do. When he can’t even talk about having sex even with the man he loves without panicking. Whatever. Of course he wants Buck. “Do you think I don’t?”

“N-no. No, I don’t mean. I mean— what? What do you mean?”

Eddie means this is the strangest conversation he and Buck have ever had. Which says a fucking lot. “What do you think I mean? I want you. I wanted more. I wanted you to stay. You and your hard-on. We could have—” Eddie’s still not sure where they might’ve landed on the they could have had sex spectrum. But it would have been something more than Buck running to jerk off alone because he was too turned on and thought it wasn’t welcome. “I mean maybe you aren’t ready to have sex yet. I get that. We haven’t even said if we’re dating dating and it’s only been hours that we’ve been together. So… maybe this was better. Maybe we should wait. But…” 

But he doesn’t know how to finish that thought other than Buck should have stayed. He needs Buck to stay. He wants Buck with him. He wants to take care of him and love him and be good for him. 

Buck blinks at him then leans back even further and stares with a scrunched look of trying to do complicated math and failing at it. He even holds up a hand like he needs a teacher to call on him and answer his questions. “What? I just. I don’t understand. What do you—what?”

“What do you mean, ‘what’?” 

“I mean who are you and what have you done with Eddie and I don’t know what you mean by, I want you. And we should wait? And you think I’m not ready to have sex yet? Why do you think we’re going to have sex? What do you want with me? Of me? What do you— w-what do you want when you say, you want me?”

What else might it mean? Were they not just making out all over the kitchen? Is it not obvious? Eddie didn’t think he would have to spell it all the way out. But maybe direct and to the point is the best approach? 

He rests both his hands on Buck’s chest. His very soft, very warm, very muscled and beautiful chest with his beautiful beating heart that Eddie swears he can feel racing beneath his fingers. “Buck,” he says slowly, passionately, with as much warmth and love as he can possibly pour into his words. “I want to have sex with you.” 

It doesn’t quite have the reaction Eddie was expecting. Or hoping for. Not that he knows exactly what he thought might happen, but Buck just blinks at him like Eddie’s suddenly confessed he was wrong and actually does believe in jinxes and the “q-word curse” and other stupid superstitions. 

But he’s not the one who responds to Eddie’s declarative wanting anyway. 

“Uhhh. If you’re going to do that, can you not do it in the kitchen,” Chris says from the doorway. “I eat here. We all eat here. It would have to be some kind of health hazard violation.”

Chris is leaning against the doorway. Without his crutches. Which somehow makes him far too stealthy and quiet. Either that or Eddie was just way too distracted with... never mind.

Eddie’s stomach, lungs, liver, kidneys, heart all plummet out of his body. Metaphorically of course because literally dying of mortification would give him an out from this situation. That would be too easy. 

He pulls away from Buck and steps backward until he’s at the opposite side of the room, while Buck is left with his arms hanging in midair, curved around where Eddie used to be. 

“We’re not,” Eddie says. “We weren’t doing— anything. We weren’t going to. We were just talking.”

Chris gives him a withering, skeptical look that only makes him look a thousand percent like his mother. 

Which Eddie absolutely cannot handle right now.

“H-hey, Chris,” Buck steps toward the doorway, coincidentally or maybe not so coincidentally between Eddie and Chris, and turns into his bubbly, eager, friendly self. “Are you— are you hungry? Do you still want those pancakes? Cinnamon swirls and cream cheese icing? I was getting ready to make them for us.”

Chris wrinkles his nose and shakes his head. “Not hungry anymore. What’s going on? When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Buck looks back to Eddie with clear worry all over his face, and Eddie tries to silently convey that everything is okay. Chris isn’t in the dark about how Eddie feels about Buck. He’s not angry with them. 

Eddie’s pretty sure anyway. “It only just happened. We weren’t keeping anything from you.” 

Chris gapes at him with wide, horrified eyes. “It just happened? That’s how you told Buck? By saying that? Oh my god, Dad! What were you thinking? That is so embarrassing.”

Eddie’s mouth falls open. “N-no. No! That wasn’t— That wasn’t how.”

Chris’ very disbelieving, very Shannon-face comes out again, and Eddie sags against the counter and rubs a hand over his suddenly aching head. 

“No. Chris,” Buck says gently but solidly. Something firm and stead through storms and Eddie just wants to hold onto him and never let go. “Your dad told me last night that he’s in love with me. And I love him, too. I love you both more than anything.”

Chris turns his scrutinizing gaze on Buck this time and still looks skeptical, but also not so horrified. Just wary. 

At this point, Eddie will take what he can get. 

[simpforwebtoonmen]

to be proven wrong || Daniel x reader

where fem!reader is underestimated because of her gender.

warnings/notes: Daniel is bit misogynistic but grows out of it, reader is female, platonic. This was in my drafts for months so here you go.

-

“Let me-“ “no, you let me handle this,” Daniel puts an arm up in front of you to keep you from moving forward with the fight. You only scoffed, “whatever dude, don’t go crying for my help when you start getting your ass beat.” He rolled his eyes but moved forward toward his two opponents. They seemed strong and you were pretty sure Daniel won’t be able to take them both in a fight.

And as the fight when on, you were proven correct. Daniel was weak against their duo attacks, now being held back by one of them as the other beat him.

Finally, you stepped up, running up and jumping as you used both feet to kick one of them to the side. One went flying and before he could get back up, you beat him into an unconscious state. At that point, Daniel was also done with his opponent as he laid on the floor unconscious.

You thought what you did was a good thing, but apparently not as Daniel strides up to you with an obvious frown on his face. “I told you I would handle it,” he growled, his face inches away from yours. Now you were confused, “What? you were getting your ass handed to you! I think what you meant to say was ‘thank you’” you corrected, crossing your arms over your chest and frowned. He groaned and walked away, deciding that arguing with you wasn’t worth it.

You were confused. If you hadn't helped him he could've been hurt badly.

You ran ahead and stood in front of him to keep him from walking any further. At this point, you were fueling with anger. "You know, if it was Zack or Jay that came to your rescue, you would’ve thanked them and probably would’ve kissed them or something! But for some reason, it’s a problem when I do it! Why!?” You demanded.

“Because Zack and Jay are different from you, okay?!” he angrily responded. His jaw was clenched and his eyes narrowed with anger and frustration He’s never been truly angry with you, let alone any of his other friends.

You suppose you were different from his other friends.

You nodded as if you understood, but truly you were even more confused. What makes you any different from the rest of his friends? “Okay…” you said in a hushed tone.

His anger began to lift as he observed your sad expression. He began to feel bad because he knew his reasons were petty. And as much as he hated discriminating against appearances, he just hated that you, a women that looks nothing like a fighter, might be a better fighter than he is. It made him salty and somewhat enraged, and he took it out on you. He didn’t know the specifics of it though. So in hopes that maybe you’d somehow understand, he told you the truth. “It’s because I hated the thought of you being just as strong as me, maybe even stronger…I don’t know why I hate it, but I do.”

Silence followed. Then a small laugh. “Does it have anything to do with me being a woman? Do you hate that a woman is about as strong as you? No, not even that, you probably hate that I am actually capable of handling myself instead of being someone's damsel in distress, is that it? Wow, talk about fragile masculinity.”

Daniel wasn’t able to utter a word afterwards, because you were right. And he felt incredibly guilty for feeling this way about you. And it wasn’t until you told him to “go fuck yourself” that he realized just how much he fucked up.

-

There was a knock on your front door. You stood up from the couch after pausing the film you were watching and opened the door. On the other side, you saw Daniel, little Daniel, though he wasn’t very small anymore. And of course, you knew of his two bodies (because plot and what y/n doesn’t know about his two bodies).

Usually, you’d be stoked to see him. But after your last interaction months ago, you haven’t found it in yourself to forgive him. Not after hearing how much of a hypocrite he was. You and him both knew that what he said that day was an entirely new low for him.

So, you sighed and leaned against your door frame, “may I help you?” you questioned him like he was the biggest bother to you. He only looked down in, what you could assume, shame. “(name),” he started, “can we talk?” he asked hesitantly.

And because he asked so nicely and looked like a kicked puppy, you accepted.

Now the two of you sat at a random swing set at an empty park. “What did you want to talk about?” you asked. “I,” he paused, “I want you to join my new crew.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, “huh? crew? You have a crew now?” you were shocked. You were pretty sure Daniel hated crews and gangs and whatnot.

“Yeah, we’re called The Allied,” he perked up, his mood lifting just a bit. You hummed, “hmm, and why do you want me to join your crew?” you asked, interested in his answer, well, interested to see if he’s changed his views at all.

“Well…you’re one of the strongest fighters I know. And I’d just really love it if I had my best friend by my side again.”

“So, you’re no longer angry at the fact that I, a woman, is a strong fighter?”

“Of course not! I-I’ve grown out of that! I am…no longer the little boy you knew…”

You disguised your cringe by squinting, looking him up and down before laughing, “pfft, yeah right! Still look pretty little to me!"

[your-local-hoemie]

ꕥ Genshin Impact ꕥ boyfriend headcanons, Inazuma edition~ part one.

This is a two part one cuz there’s a lot of characters and my brain only lets me write so many in one go >_<

I’m currently in the process of preparing to move in the next few months and hopefully starting a mortician apprenticeship so I’m exciteeddddd

Summary: Just head-canons about the Inazuma hotties :p

Warnings: Fluff, swearing, maybe a tiny bit suggestive, Gn!Reader, established relationship, not proof-read.

Characters: Heizou, Kazuha, Thoma.

Heizou~

Oh no. Suddenly I’m a criminal.

I sure hope no hot, flirty, pretty detectives come looking for me >:)

We all know how, um, Suggestive this man is.

He’s absolutely not subtle about his feelings towards you.

Always giving you little compliments followed by a wink.

He somehow manages to know exactly how to turn you into a giggling puddle within the first 20 minutes of hanging out.

Takes you on surprisingly? Very romantic dates!

His favourite is to bring you on a picnic under the Sakura’s or a quiet night with you both wrapped up in a blanket reading crime novels or cases he wants to share with you!

He doesn’t get jealous often.

Man has a EGO.

But on the rare occasion that he does, you can bet your ass that he’s going to be snarky as all fuck.

Not to you of course.

No no-

He’ll probably be overly clingy and flirty with you!

More than usual-

But the offending person will quickly get the idea that they’re on the receiving side of his wrath.

Might outright call them stupid hfkvjfod.

He’s into fishnets.

I’m sorry (I’m not) but he wears them too much for me to not believe this man would break the second he see’s you wearing them~

Also handcuffs ;)

I don’t think he’s the type to be overly protective of you.

Don’t get him wrong, he does worry!

He just know you’re capable of handling yourself in fights!

If you come back hurt, it’ll depend on the severity of how much he’ll worry.

If it’s just a few scrapes a bruises, he’ll likely patch you up while scolding you to be more careful!

“Man alive Y/N? *sigh* my occupation is ‘detective’ you know. Not doctor. Let’s try and keep it that way, hmm?”

But if it’s more serious then prepared to be babied hdhsjd

You won’t be allowed to do anything until he’s satisfied that you’ve recovered!

He’ll bring you the best food he can get his hands on in Inazuma along with cute plushies and will even work from your teapot instead of the office which makes him surprisingly more efficient-

If you ever get insecure about yourself then buckle up-

He’s prepared to give you his entire analysis on how he thinks you’re better than Celestia herself.

My guy has facts, evidence and probably a bulletin board to prove that to you!

He might be a little scared to say the special three words (aka “I love you”) at first but it doesn’t stay that way for long!

All it took was him seeing you, face first in a case file looking all disgruntled and frustrated with your nose scrunched up and his mouth spoke faster than what his brain could think.

He won’t say it all the time but he tells you at least once a day <333

He can’t bare the thought of you not knowing how much you mean to him, no matter how stubborn he is!

Kazuha~

I think I’ve made it obvious in my previous posts how pretty I think this boy is.

Like??????? Hello?????

God he would cHERISH YOU!!!

Definitely a little awkward at first but I head-canon that he’s actually really flirty!

He’s just super good at keeping it subtle enough that no one else notices shdufufuejjrifkAAAAAA

When he first started getting feelings for you Beidou referred to him as a literal love sick puppy.

He’s often sit on the end of the Crux (idk what ship parts are called) and write poems and haikus while looking up at the stars and blushing violently while thinking about you.

He definitely didn’t escape the crew’s teasing whenever he’d follow you around and seemed more giggly than usual!

Beidou was actually the one who got kinda tired of watching him run in circles so she set ya’ll up on a date without telling either of you-

Definitely said some cute poem when confessing!

“Like captured water, You hold me in your cupped hands. I flow on your palm.”

Haikus are confusing man wtf.

He definitely isn’t one for being kept in one place but it’s impossible not to notice how much longer he seems to stay around you!

And when feels the time is right for travelling again, he’ll often ask you to accompany him!

He’ll always bring you back a souvenir if you’re too busy to go with him!

Always tells you how it reminds him of you too!

Like he’ll bring back a red/pink sea shell and explain how the colour reminds him of when you blush or laugh so much your cheeks turn red.

He is protective of you but not overly.

He’ll voice his concerns about any dangerous commissions or quests you take on but if you’re insistent then instead of stopping you, he’ll accompany you!

He’s such a sweet, quiet boy so it comes to a big surprise the first time he protects you.

Actually raises his voice and shouts for you to get to safety (like when he shouted for that one dude to stop hiding)

Obviously he apologises after and explains he just wanted you to move so you didn’t get hurt :(

Completely random but I head-canon that he’s close to Yoimiya and every year for your birthday, he’ll bring you to Inazuma and take you to a really beautiful spot then set off fireworks that he planned with her!

And if you don’t like fireworks then he’ll still take you to a beautiful spot with a picnic and just watch the sunset with you~

Thoma~

Pretty boy, good boy.

House wife, even.

He doesn’t believe he deserves you :(

Reassure this boyo.

He fell head over heels from the very first moment!

Every time you talked he’d get so flustered and stutter on every other word hdjjddjd!

Ayaka obviously knew what was going on and you did as well!

The both of you made out a plan on how you would confess to him and when you did-

Oh boy-

He almost started crying ududieifjck

Hugged you so tight for like a solid 3 minutes!

Ever since then, he always picks a flower from the tea house where you both made it official and brings it home to you!!

He’s a good cook so you can bet your lucky ass that you’ll have breakfast in bed on his days off!!

He’d also help fix your clothes if they get ripped during fights!

Ayato would definitely find the situation amusing so don’t be surprised when thoma suddenly gets the day off~

He does get very easily flustered so pda would probably be kept to the minimum unless you want the poor boy melting into a blushing puddle.

He’s not overly protective of you but he does worry himself into a stupor!

Like he won’t stop you going out on commissions but the second he see’s a scratch or a bruise, it’s out with the first aid and a stern lesson on how to patch yourself up!

He’s even made a personal travel first aid bag for you!!

At night when you’re laying in bed, there’s absolutely nothing he loves more than telling you about his day or listen to your stories while you play with his hair!

You’ve both become somewhat unintentionally popular!

Not to mention the people who are just a tiiiiny bit jealous that you’re the lucky one and not them.

Which you totally don’t relish in, just a little~

He can’t help it!!

He just loves talking about you and how happy you make him! Obviously people are gonna talk about how cute y’all are :p

He’s banned you from playing the pot game.

No one really knows how but you managed to give everyone who played it a stomach ache for a solid week.

Boy also insisted on teaching you how to play chess!!

He totally hasn’t let you win a handful of times just because he couldn’t bare to see how sad you looked when you lost

he also just wanted the table to stay in one piece-

This man refuses to go to work or to bed without giving you a good morning or goodnight kiss!

He adores how cute you are when he reminds you that he loves you even if it’s in a simple gesture!!

Ya’ll, I haven’t slept for three days and the hat man is starting to morph into cyno.

Yes I’m totally fine :3