#(but to this day she still has no regrets. Has repeatedly stated so.

[herawell]

.

[whumpback-wail]

02 - What’s Real?

Trial by Fire (Wriothesley x Reader) - TW/CW in masterlist

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She could hear the commotion from all the way in her cell. (y/n) stirred from inside the cage she was kept in, too weak to move. Seems like another dream, it's always the same one lately, as if her subconscious still kept the hope alive when her conscious mind gave up a long time ago.

(y/n) cracked her heavy eyelids open, her eyes adjusting to the darkness rather quickly, considering the amount of time she had spent there. She no longer felt cold, her shivering had stopped a long time ago.

Wriothesley and his men would come through the door any moment now, and would pick her up and get her out of there, and she would wake up right as the sunlight hit her skin. She was all too familiar with the dream that had repeatedly occurred, bringing her hopes up only to shatter again when her eyes opened and she was still in the darkness of her cell-

Footsteps.

The door slammed open, making (y/n) flinch, her heart sank when she noticed that the silhouette at the door seemed to have a lab coat on.

Not a dream, get up.

(y/n) could feel herself start to hyperventilate, tears forming. What is he going to do now? She has nothing left, she was declared a failure already and left for dead. Wasn’t the beating last night enough?

No more, please-

The lab coat-clad figure stopped in front of her and nudged her with his foot, sending jolts of pain all over her body. “I’m afraid our time together must come to an end.” Arderne looked down at her and knelt, brushing hair away from her face, making her flinch in disgust.

“I would escape myself and let you go or die alone, whatever, but you know too much, and I'm not risking it.”

(y/n) felt him put his hand over her nose and mouth, squeezing them both shut. Her eyes widened, her air supply was cut off. Hwr body seemed to move on its own, trying to tear his hands away, to claw his face, but she was too weak. It had been so long since they last fed her..

The darkness at the corners of her eyes started closing in and soon everything was black.

“Goodbye 1102” was the last thing she heard.

(y/n) felt like she was drifting through the darkness, the pains and aches in her body numbed by the cold. At least she wasn’t in pain. In moments like these during her captivity were when her mind drifts. Coming back to the memories of her fiancé, the bright happy days felt so far out of reach, almost like a fabricated memory. Pain has been her reality for a while, she didn’t know how much longer she could endure it.

The darkness stretched before her as she continued to sink through its comforts. She could vaguely hear someone talking, a deep voice, slurred and muddled. She didn’t want to wake up, not anymore. If this is it then she wanted to go while it’s peaceful.

Suddenly a sharp pain burst from her chest, startling her. Involuntarily she could feel herself being tugged back to reality, and in her dazed state, she felt herself cough hard.

What’s going on? I can’t do this anymore, it hurts. Please, make it stop-

In her panicked haze, (y/n) almost missed the feeling of arms around her, and a very strong chest.

No… No no no no they sent someone this strong, how am i supposed to take another beating? I can’t-

I can’t.

I can’t.

I can’t.

Please no more.

She tried in vain to push and get away from him, but he held her firmly and effortlessly.

(y/n) felt herself losing consciousness again, her whole body felt like jelly.

Please… Just let me die.

• • •

She was back again in the comfort of the dark.

(y/n) wondered if she’s actually dead now. Perhaps her body couldn’t take it anymore? Eitherway, she no longer felt pain, so that’s a plus.

Her thoughts drift to Wriothesley, as it always does whenever she gets a moment of respite. She remembered the way his canines flash every time he gave her the grin he only reserved for her. How is he? Will I ever see him again?

The regret felt like broken glass was coursing through her veins. (y/n) wished she could cry, but her heart felt numb, as if devoid of emotions.

I want to see him.

I just need to see him one last time.

I need to say my goodbyes and tell him it’s okay to move on.

I need to tell him I love him, and that I'm sorry.

With every thought, she felt the pain intensify, more and more until she felt the familiar tugging, as if her body was pulling her back to the surface of consciousness. And the closer she came to the surface.

It hurts.

Her eyes shot open.

The first thing that greeted her once her eyes focused was the ceiling. The darkness of the room indicated that the lights were off, with the soft light coming from the small crack underneath a door providing minimal light for her to see. Panic rose inside her as her ears picked up the beeping noises coming from her right, it seemed to increase in frequency as her heart started racing faster. A hospital room. Arderne.

What made him decide to take her back? She thought she was labelled a failed subject already?

Trying not to panic, (y/n) winced as she sat up slowly, and looked around the room. She could make out a figure, a mountain of a person, bundled up under blankets. The person seemed fast asleep on the couch at the corner of the room.

She tried to control her breathing, get her heart rate down.

(y/n) knew she would be punished if she woke this person up, and she didn’t want to take another beating, not with this person, they look so big. Memories of her beating flashed behind her eyes.

A flurry of fists.

Hard boots.

In her panic, she did not notice the figure starting to stir.

Wriothesley blinked, and shot up to his feet the moment he noticed her heart monitor going wild.

“(y/n), you’re awake?” he rushed to her side.

But that only seemed to make her panic more, she’s hyperventilating at this point, the heart monitor beeps kept increasing in frequency.

“I-I’m sorry.” (y/n) flinched away from him, “I didn’t mean to wake you, please. I’m sorry.”

“What- (y/n), it’s me, you’re safe now-” he raised his hand to soothe her, but the sudden motion seemed to set her off. She cried out and raised her arm to shield herself. The heart monitor started ringing. Alerting the medical staff outside.

“Please don’t hurt me, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”

Wriothesley wanted to murder the people who did this.

"(y/n), sshhh, listen to my voice, you're safe now. It's me, Wriothesley. Whatever you think you're seeing is not real-"

Right then the room door opened and medical staff rushed in with a crash cart. With a quick glance around the room assessing the situation, the nurse immediately knew what was going on.

“Sir, I need you to step back. We’ll help.” She said as she and several more nurses went closer to the bed to sedate (y/n).

“I’m sorry!” (y/n) was back in the facility again. The experiment chambers, the injections. The pain

So much pain.

She can’t take that again. Not again.

Nurses held down her arms and legs as (y/n) started to thrash and cry. No more. Please.

Wriothesley could only watch, helpless, as he sank back to the couch. He watched (y/n)’s thrashing slowly stop, and her heart rate going down as her eyes slowly flutter shut. Her mouth kept repeating apologies and pleas to not hurt her.

He couldn’t do anything.

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(˶╥︿╥)ﾉ ……(ó﹏ò｡)

A/N:

And that concludes chapter 2! What do you think of the story so far?

Why do I enjoy the emotional anguish hnghh. I wanna comfort Wrio so bad but seeing him go through all the angst is... satisfying? Its weird. Anw new chapter coming in a week-ish, and you'll see a but more of what (y/n) went through during her captivity.

Until then, I'm trying to focus on finding (art) commission clients, November has been like a dry river. I hope I find clients soon :")

Oh and Arderne is an NPC in Meropide, a doctor, I just uhh… borrowed his character to be the villain (sorry Arderne)

Taglist (I couldn't tag some of you (red colour), how do I solve this?): @almosteggs @quuela @tempest1art @yamanaka13-blog @arseneumbra @kimmeaahh @cottonfluffs @randomidk-123 @applejayee @keigo-hawks-takami-simp @mechanicalbeat1 @aribae14 @bforbiblio

[starillusion13]

TRUST ME NOT

Pairing: Bf!(boss unit except one) x f!reader

W.C: 9.1k

Genre: Fluff, Mafia, Angst

Warnings: keeping secrets, innocent reader(?), mafia deals, murder, blast, tracking device, spying on someone, anonymous mail, tying up with rope in basement, unconcious, feeling sorry, sad, regrets, forgiveness, lots of kissing, anniversary surprises lol, getting shot, mention of blood(not detail) idk what to add anymore

1 month late birthday gift to @mymoodwriting sorry🥀

Network: @kvanity-main

🎀 Your anniversary was supposed to be held in a month.

The excitement was brightly visible on your face and you had a lot of arrangements to make. Going out to different stores and contacting some very important people who all are of potential help in some urgent scenarios. It's been five years since you were in a relationship with the mafia gang, NCT. Yeah, some people won't believe you if you say that you are the secret girlfriend, because your appearance and attitude is far from the ruthless behavior of the bosses--- your boyfriends.

The first one to notice that you were busy was Jungwoo, as he is the one who doesn't go out of the house often. His hacking job lets you both to spend more time with each other and well, this makes him throw cocky looks to others. You have told him repeatedly not to tease others because of that, but who is he to listen to?

You have almost planned everything for the upcoming day, obviously keeping it a secret from them. And this made Jungwoo suspicious of you. Earlier he was ignoring your weird attitudes and your now and then excuses to go out but one day when you were out for a long time, he followed your location. Well, he tried to but he couldn't track it.

How the hell is that even possible?

Now, he can't obviously charge you for messing up with the tracking device as you aren't aware of any of these. So, he decided to talk this out with his gang members.

"Are you sure of the suspicion?" Taeyong asked with a dark look. He was already tired with the day and now one of his members is sitting in front of him with a doubt. He glanced at the rest of the members across the room but they all were pretty much similar attentive to the hacker like him. He sighed and urged him to speak more.

The hacker nodded and proceeded, "she is acting differently and when I asked her last week. She was in a hurry to reply as if she would spill secrets if she spoke more than necessary."

"Maybe she is tired. You know her café has a lot of work." Mark stated and Jaehyun nodded his head in agreement. They know very well how dedicated you are to your work and something that might be keeping you busy these days.

Jungwoo shook his head, "No. The surprising fact is that she is barely available at the cafe."

"Then where is she going every morning?" Winwin asked and glanced at him from the corner of the room. And this caught everyone's attention.

Jaehyun remembered his interaction with you from two days back over the call.

"When I asked to pick her up from the cafe, she denied and told me about having extra hours but ended up coming home by riding someone else's car. As far as I know no one from her cafe owns that car." he stated and looked around.

"What? And you are telling me now?" Taeyong banged the table with his fist making the ones sitting near to him to flinch. Doyoung licked his lower lips and ran his fingers through the hairs. He was still putting in the pieces together and hoping that whatever they were thinking should not be the actual case.

Are you hiding something from them?

Or are you planning for something to destroy them?

Mark put his phone beside him on the sofa, "Dude, don't think like that. We must be wrong somewhere. Don't doubt her for anything."

"You are not suspecting her for anything right?" Winwin looked at his leader expectantly who in return just poked his cheek with the tongue and turned towards Doyoung.

"Tell everyone to keep a closer look on her." he said and looked at everyone, "all of you will see what's the matter with her. If she is not going to the cafe and not talking with us that much. Then we should find out what's the matter that she is suddenly acting so differently."

"But-"

"Mark, don't argue with me now."

No one spoke anything after that. Four of them left the room, leaving the leader with Doyoung. The latter's eyes followed how frustratingly the leader was brushing his hairs back and sighing.

"I know, you are not doubting her like the way you are showing your anger."

The leader rested his elbows on the table and held his head with his palms, "I don't want to blame her for anything. I trust her so much but I want to know what's up with her. I love her so much, Doyoung."

Doyoung walked towards him and patted his back comfortingly, "we all love her, Taeyong. If she ever betrays us then nothing can hurt us more than that."

"I don't want to hurt her. She is precious to me. I want all these to be just a misunderstanding."

"She is not betraying us. We will just find out what's the matter with her and then everything will be fine."

The latter just nodded and tears fell from his eyes similarly like the one standing.

.

.

"Where are you going?" Jungwoo asked as he saw you hurrying towards the door. You were smiling all the way down the stairs while looking at the phone. His eyes were staring at you with curiosity and adoration. When he repeated the question again, you glanced at him away from your phone and raised your brows.

"Uh..I..somewhere...do you need something?"

"No. But where? Do you want me to go with you?"

"No!".

He was taken aback by your sudden scream, "what? Why are you shouting?"

You awkwardly laughed and brushed your hairs, "I'll be off to the place and will return quickly. Don't worry."

As soon as you took a turn, someone grabbed your forearm and made you turn around. The turn was so sudden that you almost lost your balance on your heels, "What the hell! Jaehyun?"

"It's late afternoon. I don't think you are going to the cafe right now. Your workers told me that you will be there in the evening. So where to now?" His tone was low and demanding.

His grip was firm and you glanced at the hold then at his face. He had just showered after returning home. The others were not there yet and these two were only at the house so you decided to leave without them noticing you but it's not the case now.

"Hey, I'm just going to meet someone." you smiled at the end of the sentence.

"Who? Let me take you there."

You held his wrist to take off his hand from yours, "No, it's okay. I can go there alone. He will be just a few blocks away and......and then everything is fine."

"he? Y/n, who is this person? Do I know him? Have any of us seen him before?"

"Oh my jealous baby, Jae. Come on, don't think like I am a child. And you don't have to know everyone."

He stepped closer to you, tugging your hairs behind your ears before holding your hands and smiling down at you with a soft look, "I just care for you too much, Y/n. I don't want anyone to hurt you. Please be safe out there as you know your life is always at risk because of us...and dont hide anything from us."

You couldn't hear the last words but you smiled at him, "I will be safe. I promise."

He leaned forward to peck your lips and then planted a soft kiss on your temple. Jungwoo came up behind you and hugged you, nuzzling his nose in your neck inhaling the recently applied perfume, you smiled at the tingling sensation. He whispered, "if you can't keep yourself safe. Then I will kill everyone who will hurt you."

You grabbed one of his hands and brought it to your lips, planting a kiss, "I know. I am always safe with you all."

.

.

.

You were safe. Your preparations and secrets, everything was safe. Only two weeks left and you couldn't contain your excitement. Skipping steps towards the flower shop, you were greeted by the familiar man holding a rose in his hold and smiling endearingly at you. Your smile widened brightly and a soft laugh escaped your throat when he kneeled down in front of you, "A rose for my queen." He extended his hand towards you and you took the flower from his hand.

"Oh please shut up, Wooyoung."

He again stood in front of you and smoothed his blazer and pants. The look was stating that he was on his way for the meeting but still his playful nature and his childish laugh was not setting right with his appearance.

"Why? I can call you anything."

"Just wait until I tell this to my boyfriend." you chuckled while looking around the flower shop, "Where is the owner?"

You never used your boyfriend's name in front of anyone, always referring to some silly names or simply 'my boyfriend'. No one has ever seen your so-called boyfriend but they know you always have the adoration while speaking of him—- of them.

"I don't know about him. Hey! Why are you asking for the owner when I'm here?" He whined and you shook your head in disbelief with the attitude.

"How old are you? And I need him to choose some exact flowers for the decoration and a perfect perfume to give my boyfriend." you smiled at the thought of surprising them with everything. He nodded with a pout and stood by your side while you were staring at some beautiful bouquets, "Is your boyfriend nice? You can tell me if you have any problems. You have said he lives outside this country but if he turns out as a cheater. I will show him hell."

"Of course, Wooyuong. There's nothing to worry about. I am fine and he is a very nice man. Maybe someday you can meet him and also, I'm doing all these preparations for our anniversary."

The owner just entered the door and greeted you both when the other one smiled at you before exiting the door.

.

.

.

One week left for your anniversary.

"So, I was right. She is going to this shop almost every day and according to Winwin, our enemy's last location was this shop."

They couldn't believe the pictures and the tracking location of the devices that were showing on the very big screen displayed in front of them. The undercover spy has clicked the pictures of you meeting with a young man well dressed up in a suit and you were hugging him with a smile, also in another picture, you were receiving flowers. The different gestures between you both were assuming that there was a deeper bonding than they can think of. Everything was pretty much fine until the call list and tracking device of yours and their enemy matches exactly.

"Jungwoo, have you gone to this shop before?" Taeyong asked when he placed himself on the sofa.

The hacker shook his head, "no, I never bought anything from there. I thought she knew the owner of the shop, that's why she is going there but it turned out she is meeting the owner of the device who is apparently our enemy. We need to find who is the owner. Winwin even followed her one day and guess what? They were planning for a big event and also went on a date."

"A date?" Mark had a confused look on his face.

Jungwoo nodded and Jaehyun continued, "yeah, she is meeting these certain people every often and that's why you can't find her in the cafe. And this one person is very common."

"That's Wooyoung, a member of the gang, Ateez. the shop owner is his best friend, just for cover." Winwin started from beside Doyoung who quickly turned towards him in surprise.

Taeyong scoffed in irritation, "So that's him? He blew our basement? I was so sure that somebody leaked our plan when we were having the mission in a different state and look, he took that advantage to attack on our base."

"And you think?" Doyoung raised a brow.

"She...she told him?" Taeyong didn't even want to say it but still he did. He blamed you. He doubted you. There was no other option left other than suspecting you with their recent events going on around them. He curled his fingers into a fist, suppressing the anger and hurt.

Mark leaned back into his chair, "we must be wrong somewhere. Or things have not been placed in the correct way."

"No. When I told Jungwoo for the first time, neither me nor him believed this but after one week of research. We are sure that she is involved with this." Winwin himself didn't want to believe what he was voicing out.

His own voice was betraying him. Was your love for them just a facade to destroy them in the end? Were you playing with their feelings? What? NO! This can't be, you are not like that. He couldn't convince anyone, maybe he was not even trying to convince anyone. No one was ready to believe that you were planning something worse behind their back, just to destroy them to get in with a man. The man who is apparently their enemy's gang member.

Mark stood up. A sad look visible on his face, fighting back the urge to cry in front of them. He couldn't hear more about suspecting you. Even if you are wrong, he still wants to see you and love you. His gaze shifted from the leader towards the large wide window, the setting of the sun was visible, "our anniversary is in almost 10 days. I hope we won't be doing something to ruin the day."

The words hit them altogether. Anniversary...they have bought a lot of gifts for you and they have arranged a trip for all of you to spend time together.

He turned around and Taeyong closed his eyes, heaving a sigh. Everyone was in disbelief and fighting whether they should blame you or...or what? There's nothing to think about anymore.

"Hey!  you all here?" your cheerful voice broke the silence. The atmosphere was already tense inside the house but your presence was making it worse. To your oblivion, they shared glances between them when Jaehyun noticed some things in your hold. His jaw clenched at the sight and he stepped towards you.

"Who gave you this?"

You furrowed your brows before looking down and then a smile cracked on your face. Everyone noticed the shift in expression when you held the flowers tightly, "Um...someone. A friend?"

"Friend." he scoffed and glared at you. His expression surprised you and then when you looked around the room, you noticed others were looking at you with no emotions visible. It felt so distant as if you were missing something. But what's even the matter? Mark was standing on the first step of the stairs, when you caught his eyes, there was a hurt look— the look of betrayal.

"Mark-" the young boy didn't wait to hear you when he abruptly turned around and ascended the stairs, without even looking back at you. What happened?

"Where were you?" Doyoung asked with folded hands above his chest, supporting himself against the table. His dark and sharp eyes staring at you, waiting for a quick reply.

"I...I went to the cafe."

"You were not there. Don't lie. Just tell me exactly, where were you?"

Taeyong darkly chuckled, "of course to meet her friend. Right? So, had fun on the date?"

"Date?"

Jaehyun turned to him, "don't pretend that you don't know. You went on a date with your little friend, right?"

You shook your head when Jungwoo pointed at your large plastic bag, "what's all these?"

You tried to hide it behind your back only to get yanked away, "why are you hiding it?" He glared at your action.

"What's wrong with you all?"

"What's wrong with you? Are you planning something behind our back?" His words hurt you. No, it shocked you. Are they doubting you for something?

The phone in your pocket started ringing and when Jaehyun didn't loosen his grip on you, you snatched your arm away and glared at him. Fishing out the phone, you held it to your ear and greeted the person. Before walking towards your room, you snatched away the plastic bag from him and no one protested but watched you going away.

No one moved from their places but only Winwin followed you behind.

.

.

.

Three days have already passed since that day.

You didn't talk with anyone normally. Everytime, they would be looking at you accusingly or asking you some weird questions about why you were hiding things from them.

but , there was nothing to hide in the first place---- except for the celebration.

Only one week left and when you just wanted to go out finally to arrange the last things of the preparation. Doyoung blocked your way.

"You are not going anywhere."

"Huh?"

Jaehyun came up behind you and harshly pulled you to a particular direction, "your game is over, y/n. Just give up now. You can't hide anything from us now."

The other one walked just closely behind you, gun in his hand. "I can't believe you that after the things we did, only for you to betray us."

"Please Jaehyun...Trust me. you must be wrong somewhere. I am not hiding anything. I promise." Your voice was broken yet he was not glancing at you but dragging you towards the stairs. The grip on your wrist tightened when you tried to pull your hand away. The wrist was burning from his harsh grip.

There were two uncoordinated footsteps from behind you both and when the youngest of them spoke up, you glanced at them. Mark was trying to stop the leader from stepping forward but the latter was just fuming and when he caught your glistening eyes, he sent a glare at you.

"please..." you whimpered when he took the turn and stopped at the first step of the stairs. He inhaled sharply and glared at you before glancing at the leader.

"take her downstairs." He simply ordered and the latter nodded.

Mark held Jaehyun's other hand, "No. Don't. Please, we should listen to her. We must be wrong somewhere. Please don't take her there."

But he dragged you down, stumbling over a few places but he didn't care. No one cared at the moment. As if your voice was not even audible to their ears.

You have never been to this place before and the dark, dimly lit room with a damp smell was making churn in your stomach. The others were already present inside the room and their focus was on you— the helpless figure. He harshly pulled you towards the chair behind the interrogating desk and made you sit on it. Your head turned towards each one of them, no one was having any sympathy for you. Maybe they had but trying not to show it.

"Why are you doing this? Please get me out of here." tears were flowing down your cheek. Before you could wipe off your tears, Jungwoo gripped your wrist and tied them to the armrest. Winwin took away the phone from you and placed it on the table. Taeyong placed himself on the chair across from you and stared at your tied up form. Doyoung stood beside him, palm resting on the head of the leather chair.

"So, from where should we begin?"

You remained quiet. Not because you didn't want to talk but because you didn't know what to say. Mind still processing the situation and why they all were keeping you tied up like a criminal. Do they not trust you?

You stared at him with silent tears falling from your eyes. Jaehyun and Jungwoo stood beside you on both sides, neither of them speaking anything and not even looking at you. Only glancing now and then.

"How do you know Wooyoung?" the leader asked the first question and leaned forward on the table.

"Wooyoung?"

Doyoung tilted his head to the side, "yes. Even that day he gave you those flowers. Having good times with the enemy. Right, y/n?"

"Enemy? He is my old friend from university."

The leader was not buying your words, "our enemy is your friend now. Since when are you against us?"

"What are you saying, Taeyong? I would never. I..." you were almost spilling the secrets but held back the words that were about to come out from your lips, "we just recently reunited at the flower shop. He was just...helping me out with something."

"Helping you out to chalk out a plan to kill us?" Winwin offered you an option for your choice of words. You shook your head at him and returned to face the leader. He didn't have any emotions for you. No more those endearing smiles and caring eyes looking at you but a strong and accusing eyes blaming you for everything.

"No, it's not like that."

"There's no point in you lying on our face. You can't fight back, y/n. There's six of us and only, you alone."

You parted your lips and tried to shift forward when Jungwoo held you back. You raised your head to look at him but he just avoided your eyes. Does he hate me so much?  "You all should understand this. I am alone, I can't do anything to harm you all and... I can never think of hurting any of you."

"Don't pretend to be the innocent one like always." Jaehyun spat at you. "It was all a facade to make us trust you. To make us weak for you so that you can easily break into our life and destroy us from the core."

"Jaehyun..." you whispered his name but a long silence followed your longing gaze on him. How could he blame you like this? They never used such a tone with you.

"He is correct. It was only you who knew about our absence for a whole week from the city and during that exact time, Ateez attacked our warehouse. Isn't this a coordinated plan?" Taeyong was irritated with each word coming out of his mouth.

"And you think I told him?"

Winwin caught your attention, "of course. The enemy whom we were tracking has his every location around you. His every location was colliding with yours. The flower shop belongs to them and it's just undercover to hide their spies in that busy street. Your activity was very frequent during the time of the blast."

"It must be a coincidence...I am not aware of all these." you plead to them for mercy but none of them were convinced. It all seemed as an act to break away from them and to run to their enemy for help.

"We thought that too but you have a deep connection with him. Even keeping your meet-ups a secret from us. Don't think of us like fools."

"Mark, you are a fool. All of you are foolish to think of me going against you. He is just my friend and we were just hanging out after some arrangements and if I knew he was the menber of a gang, I would never have spoken to him. But...but he won't hurt me or any of you. He doesn't even know you all are my boyfriends."

"Because for your benefit. So that you can go on dates with him." Jaehyun scoffed at the end of the sentence.

Taeyong slammed his hand to gain your attention back on him. His eyes were raging and he was fuming with anger. You flinched at the sound and scaredly turned towards him when he spoke up, "Now tell me, what do you want from us?"

You shook your head and bit your lips to prevent yourself breaking down more.

"I said speak up, y/n!"

Your broken voice and hiccups echoed the room, "I...I want n-nothing. I just want......your love."

"Shut up!"

"Jaehyun, keep quiet." Doyoung shushed the tall man beside you but you were already hurt too much. You were exhausted after crying so much, the unfamiliar and confined environment was suffocating you. You just wanted to get out of the place and run away, far away and hide from them. You were scared to say anything anymore or they could have done something more.

"You are going to stay here unless you are willing to tell the truth." Taeyong said and stood up to turn towards the door.

You shook your head frantically to not to leave you there. But no one minded your scared form. You were nothing more than a liar to them.

"Please listen to me..."

Jaehyun grabbed your cheeks, his fingers digging into your flesh, "you are only going to speak the truth or else shut your mouth." he harshly jerked your head to the side.

One by one everyone left the room except the one who was almost standing silently since he came here. He stayed back inside the room. When you noticed his gaze on you, there was a hurt look like that day.

"Why did you do this?"

"I did nothing."

He looked up at the ceiling and then at you, "then please confess the truth. I can't see you like this."

"I'm telling you the truth, Mark. he is just my friend. I didn't help him with anything."

Doyoung came back to the room to find the younger one standing at the door. He informed the younger one to stay with you, not to leave you alone down in the basement. He nodded his head in acceptance. You don’t know if It was because they told him to stay behind out of love or they think you could try to run away from them.

Mark actually wanted to stay with you though. He just can't leave you alone.

Doyoung stepped inside the room to take the phone from the table. When he came in sight of your vision, you looked away to avoid him. He waited for a moment but left the room eventually when you didn't look at him.

"Mark, don't get swayed by her?"

They had some whispering conversation outside the door and you zoned out to think about the day, how you were so excited to finally wrap the different gifts for them and then prepare the last arrangement because this last week was supposed to be spending time with them together. But everything went down the hill.

When Mark returned inside the room, he saw you sleeping on the chair uncomfortably. He stepped forward and tugged your hairs behind the ears to have a clear look of your face. You looked so peaceful but your face was stained with sweat and tears. He caressed your soft skin and tears fell from his eyes, he was sorry to you. He untied your wrists and pulled you on his lap on the floor. Resting your head against his chest, his fingers stroked you and he lulled you to sleep.

"I'm sorry, y/n."

.

.

.

The next two days were just you refusing all the foods they offered and you were getting weak. Even if they didn't hurt you physically, but their words, their hatred looks and their harsh and hurtful touches with their accusing tone was enough to break your every inch.

Doyoung didn't let you stay in the basement but kept you locked in his room. He promised his leader that he won't let you escape the house.

Just before the two days of your anniversary, they got an email from someone. It was labeled with a secret code so when they clicked on it, they found out that it was from someone unknown. They have sent some confidential documents. Jungwoo didn't waste any time before clicking open it only to get a shock. Everyone scooted closer to him.

'How is Y/n? Suspecting her now? Oh, poor girl. Don't worry. I will kill her soon anyways. '

There were all the details under the small links. Whatever they saw was right but the actual explanation to their assumption was what you were saying, not how they interpreted earlier. Wooyoung was just your friend, nothing more and he didn't have any intention to harm you or others. Ateez didn't even attack their base.

Then who is this person?

Is he alive?

Jaehyun threw the glass away in frustration.

"Where is this shit? I will kill him."

Winwin quickly followed some images, "the dreamies are trying to track the id. Hyuck is currently scanning the codes. but... I don't know why this person wants to kill her."

"I'm not leaving her alone for any more second."

Doyoung jogged towards the room only to find you sleeping beside the window stool. Taeyong followed him closely behind and he noticed the dried tears on your face and the other one was quick to pick you up in his arms, "y/n, look at me. You don't have to be here anymore. I'm taking you out of this place. I'm so sorry."

Your breathing was so faint and it scared him.

He peppered your face with kisses, you were so weak and exhausted. There was no reply from you and he shook your body again.

"She must be unconscious. Let's clean her up and let her rest for a while. When she wakes up, I will feed her." Taeyong offered him.

They both nodded and exited the room. Promising to themselves that they won't ever let you be in this sort of situation again.

When they appeared in front of the others, they saw your unconscious body in his hold. Their hearts clenched at the sight, the pain striking through their body.

How could they just blame you and act deaf ears to your pleadings?

"I'm coming with you." Mark approached him and took you in his arms before going towards his room with Doyoung trailing behind him.

Taeyong ordered Jungwoo and Winwin to contact Dreamies for further discussions about the situation and let others disperse to their respective activities.

No one was willing to leave your side but they had no option other than waiting for you to get consciousness. But Jaehyun quietly walked towards your room to take a glimpse of you.

He was hesitating to enter the room but eventually stepped inside and found them inside the bathroom. They were carefully looking after you.

"Is she okay?"

His sudden voice made the two males turn their head towards him, "of course she is. We are here to keep her safe."

After a while, you were dressed in a pair of comfortable top and loose pants. Mark carefully tugged you in the bed before sitting beside your sleeping figure and caressing the hairs, Doyoung sat near your legs and Jaehyun kept his distance from the bed.

"Let her rest for a while. Taeyong will bring her the food."

They all left the room but Jaehyun went near to you and caressed your head, kissing your temple he whispered, “I’m so sorry, love.”

After a while when you woke up, only to find Taeyong sitting by your side with medicines and food placed on the table that he pulled beside the bed. Your head was spinning a bit but still he helped you sit up and placed the pillow behind you to make you comfortable. Before you could say anything, he caressed your head and smiled at you, following a kiss to the side of your head.

"I'm sorry, Y/n. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I was so wrong about you."

You remained quiet and just observed how he lifted the bowl from the table and stirred the soup, tasting a spoonful and turning towards you with a spoon.

"Why?"

"What do you mean?"

"y-you are not mad at me anymore? Please trust me-"

He put the spoon back into the bowl and placed a finger on your lips, "I trust you. Y/n, I love you. I'm regretting treating you like that. It hurts you a lot to see us blaming you for something you didn't do. But I promise you, you will never have to be like this again. I will make this up to you."

"Really? And others...Are they?"

"they are equally sorry, y/n. we just couldn't help but think all that......why were you at the shop though?" he quickly asked you the thing that was still bugging his mind.

"Um...you will know soon. It's a secret." You expectantly stared at him to see his reaction but he just smiled when he brought the spoon to your lips. You quickly parted open your lips to taste the spoon and hummed in the wonderful warm taste. It melted on your tongue like you were melting under his touch.

"I won't ever hurt you."

"I know, Taeyong. You have so much responsibility but I think I made you scared going out here and there. But trust me it's a good secret, nothing to worry about."

"Can't you tell me now?" he pouted and blinked at you.

"No. Then what's the point of the secret?"

"Is this about-"

Someone entered the room and he was quick to sit on your other side and hugged you from the side.

"I'm so sorry baby. Please forgive me. I don't want you to stay away from me." he nuzzled his face in the crook of your neck and your fingers entangled with his hairs when he leaned to your body more. Taeyong was still making sure to finish the soup and shook his head at the boy clinging onto you.

"Hey, Mark. It's okay. I was just shocked with you all behaving like that." You said slowly and he nodded, muttering a flow of apologies. The leader wiped your mouth when you finished the food and handed you the medicine to take but when you refused it. Both of them tickled you and joked around and ended up with Mark holding you down on the bed and the oldest one putting inside the medicine and handing you the glass.

Three of you spent some time together before Taeyong left when he caught a call from Jungwoo and he hugged you before pressing a long and soft kiss on your temple then hurrying to take the call. Where you and Mark ended up cuddling together.

"That night..." he was spooning you while your back was pressed against his chest and his one leg was flung upon yours. His fingers were playing with yours when you both were watching the screen displaying a movie.

You hummed in response, "you made me sleep on your lap. I woke up from a nightmare but I felt so secure with you. Thank you."

"I love you. I love you so much baby."

"I love you more, mark." You turned around and cupped his face. Your eyes searched for a particular emotion before pressing your lips to his. He was surprised by your move but when you tried to pull away your face, he held the back of your neck and pulled you closer, making the kiss rough and passionate. Both fighting for dominance but still enjoying the power of each other. You smiled and squirmed when he slid his hand under your tee. His kisses traveled down to your jaw and sloppily kissed your cheek. Admiringly, watching each other, he dipped his head down and bit the soft flesh of your neck, he groaned when you moaned his name. When he hooked a finger with the band of your shorts, you held his wrist.

He quickly stopped his actions and looked at you, cupping your cheeks and shock visible on his face. You chuckled at his reaction and he worriedly asked you, "Is there something wrong?"

It's not like you haven't done this before with him but there was something for which you wanted to wait.

"Can you wait for one more day?"

"Before our anniversary?"

You nodded and he smiled before pecking your lips.

"Of course, I can."

.

.

.

The day before the celebration. You asked them if you could go out. They felt as if they did something wrong that you were taking permission like a child. You bit your lips and stared at them when they were all similarly staring back at you.

Taeyong broke the awkward moment, "I think someone should speak."

"You did just now."

He glared at Jaehyun, who looked away holding back his laugh. The others snickered and you laughed loudly. All of their attention turned back at your standing figure in an elegant knee length dress.

"You all can go with me."

"We?" Winwin asked you and you quickly nodded.

"So?"

They all looked at each other before agreeing and stood up. The one that was hesitant to come near you was Jaehyun. When they all walked towards the door, conversing and joking among them, he remained at the same place. He felt someone entangled a hand with his and when he looked down at his side, you were smiling brightly at him.

"Let's go, my prince."

"Y/n...you.."

You pulled him towards the door. But he was staring at you like a lost man, who knew nothing other than the directions you would give him. He smiled when he noticed the dress you were wearing was the one he gave you on your birthday last time.

"I'm trying to forget about that day so please don't remind me."

He stopped in his track and you turned towards him, "what happe-"

He pressed his lips to yours. He was laughing between the kisses when you were trying to say something. He pulled apart and you glared at him before looking at your appearance on the phone screen.

"you ruined my lipstick."

"I would have ruined you but it's okay coz it's just the lipstick for now."

"Jae..." you groaned but he grabbed your chin softly and other hand quickly went up , a finger wiping away the smudged out portion and then patted your cheek with the clean fingers.

"you look beautiful like always."

Doyoung came back and pulled you both towards the car.

The car ride was fun. Except for Jungwoo clinging onto your side ans asking you the same question repeatedly, "why can't we know the secret now? Please, y/n."

"I am surprised all of you are in a gang."

Taeyong chuckled, "don't add him. He doesn't do anything other than hacking and intruding other's business from his private place."

He scoffed in reply, "at least I keep company with our girl. Right?"

You nodded. It's not like they were not serious with their job. When the work mode is on, you wouldn't even match the people who are the same with the ones you are currently laughing with. Even you get scared. Okay, last time you really got.

Arriving at the mall, you quickly got out of the car to make a quick call with your friend. You told her to receive the perfumes and flowers from the shop tomorrow morning and keep them in the café. You wanted to celebrate your anniversary at the café and your friend was helping you to get all the orders ready for tomorrow so that today, you can spend your day with the boys.

You bought a lot of things, some necessary and some unnecessary. Jungwoo was with you and others went off to other places.

"you are buying us gifts but not letting us buy for you."

"tomorrow."

"Why? I can buy it today. Wait, I can buy for you everyday."

"Don't show off." You turned around to look at the dress when he picked one from the other row and handed it to you, "wear this tomorrow. This is so perfect."

"are you serious? Do you know my size?"

He smirked and bent to whisper in your ears, "I know every inch and curves how they would fit them and how it would be easy to rip off."

Your eyes went round and you hit his arm when he burst out laughing, "Jungwoo!"

You snatched the dress and walked towards the trial room and when you put on the dress, it seemed like it was the one for you. As if They will marry you tomorrow. Marriage...

Jungwoo knocked at the door and when you opened it, he pushed you inside and locked the door behind.

"what happened?"

"I don't want others to get to see you before me." his gaze moved and his breath hitched. You were looking more beautiful than he projected an imagery picture of you in the dress in his mind.

He pecked your lips and then your temple, "you look like mine. I love you, y/n."

"Always yours. I love you so much Jungwoo."

Done with the things you wanted to buy. Jungwoo went to where Jaehyun was and you were alone walking through the newborn section and smiling. You picked up a pink baby wrap towel and someone back hugged you.

"why are you buying this?" his deep voice sent a shiver down your body.

"I am not buying...just watching... they are so cute. Look at this, Taeyong."

He pressed a kiss on your cheek, "We can someday when we will have a baby."

You turned around when his arms dropped down, "it will be soon."

He smirked to see the excitement on your face, he tugged your hairs before raising a brow, "so am I getting the hint to spend some time with me and then we can expand our family. You and I and our daughter."

"you want a girl?"

"I'm fine with both but to have a girl. I love the idea of mini you running around the house and us all chasing her around."

You hugged him tightly, "I love you, Taeyong."

"I love you too, my princess."

"Wait for tomorrow, please."

"Of course."

.

.

You all went home after almost buying the whole mall and Jaehyun was casually showing off and showing smirks that he brought the costliest items. Oh boy! How wrong he is. He should just see the expenses of Taeyong. Winwin whispered to you that he would be sleeping with you because both of you haven't spent a night together. You agreed quickly.

After the dinner when you were going towards the room, Winwin asked you to go with him to the garden and of course, you would.

"So why are we here?" you were staring up at the sky while sitting on the outdoor swing with him by your side.

"I'm sorry." He muttered quietly.

"I know."

He turned towards you and shook his head, "don't forgive us so easily, y/n. we don't deserve it."

"Then don't say sorry. Stop reminding me about that. Think about tomorrow and let us enjoy the night."

He caressed your head, " you are the sweetest one. The innocent one in our life and I don't want to hurt you but still I did."

"And I forgive you."

He sadly chuckled and pulled you closer, "Can you tell me the secret for tomorrow?"

You stared at him and waited if he wanted to say something but when he didn't, you kissed his cheek and smiled, "No. You have to wait."

"Are you planning a surprise? For us?"

"Maybe...or something more than you can expect."

He furrowed his brows when you caressed his cheek softly, "see...you are the innocent one now."

"really?" he grabbed your neck and pulled you in for a hungry and deep kiss. You were laughing and clutching his shirt. His other hand was caressing your back and hands, melting you under his control. He pulled apart and started panting for air.

"And now?"

"still the innocent." As the words left your mouth, he swept you in his arms and turned round and round. Both of your laughs echoed in the garden.

"I love you...I love you...I love you, My innocent girl."

"I love you too, my innocent boy."

Your teasing made him tickle you in his hold and you laughed out more.

Taeyong was watching you from his balcony with the wine in his hand. He was smiling ear to ear seeing you so happy.

He would keep you safe till the end.

.

.

.

Finally THE DAY.

Winwin woke you up, calling out your name lightly and keeping you close to him. He peppered your face with kisses and you were giggling all the way when he scooped you in his arms and took you to the bathroom to get ready. You looked at the mirror and felt so happy, quickly did your morning routine before running down the stairs to greet your boys. But you could only find Doyoung at the table preparing the plates and decorating it with the final touch.

The house looked amazing.

"Don't tell me you all did this within a night."

"Then What do you think? You were blind to not notice it till yesterday?"

You reached near the table and when you went to pick up a pancake, he swatted your hand away and you whined.

"Let others come. No eating before greeting."

"No greetings to you."

You turned around and folded your hands above your chest, he chuckled and with slow steps went behind you and snaked his arms around, resting his head on your shoulder.

"Happy Anniversary, My love." He kissed your shoulder, the deep round neckline of the dress gave him access to your soft flesh. Your hairs were tied up and he kissed the crook of your neck and his teeth grazing the skin and licking the jaw, "I love you, y/n."

"Doyoung, I love you. Happy Anniversary."

He turned you around to kiss you. His kisses are always soft and takes his whole time to devour the moment. Just like now, he didn't care what others will see but he just wanted to show you his love for you.

You were smiling all the while but the sweet moment got interrupted by the one who could enter the place without any sound but to disturb you both, he purposely made sounds.

"Did I interrupt something?"

"Yes. My love life." Doyoung spat at him and groaned but didn't let you go when the other one laughed and came near you.

You pulled apart from the kiss and looked at Taeyong. The other one was back hugging you and nuzzling his nose into your neck.

Taeyong cupped your cheek, "happy anniversary, princess."

"Happy anniversary girl's dad."

"Huh?"

"Nothing." You laughed out and noticed Jungwoo and Winwin entering the place when one of them muttered a quiet happy anniversary to you because he was always shy in front of others but the other one had to make it dramatic.

"Everyone. Present here. Wait two are missing."

All of you were watching his stupid act, standing on the chair. He craned his neck to look at the stairs and waited for a few seconds before Mark and Jaehyun walked down with bright smiles on their faces.

"Okay here we have Mark and Jaehyun. Then We have Winwin at the table. Mr. Taeyong and Doyoung with our special girl, y/n." He stepped forward to you and took out a flower and kissed it before extending it to you, " a token of love for my precious soul."

"Thank you. Happy Anniversary to my dramatic love."

"Happy Anniversary, y/n." He pulled you away from the one hugging you and stepped towards the table.

You sat between Jaehyun and Mark and they both greeted you following with a smile and soft kiss. Doyoung cut a piece of the pancake and brought it to your lips. You chuckled and quickly ate it.

"Are these all for me?"you asked them.

"Yes. All for the special one." Mark excitedly said and kissed your cheek.

Winwin cleared his throat from across the table, "so what should we do today?"

"Give her the gifts."Mark proposed the idea but you quickly shook your head.

"No not now. My surprise is still left."

"Wait. Yeah, the secret. So tell me." Winwin happily nodded and stared at you.

"No. Get dressed. We are going to my cafe and then everything will be revealed."

"Promise?"

"Of course, Doyoung."

They all quickly dressed up in some denims or leathers but of course they were looking fine individually. You couldn't take your eyes from one of them. Are you even matching with them?

You looked down at your dress and Jungwoo grabbed your shoulders to face them.

"How is she looking?"

The moment their gaze fell on you, everyone stopped, everything was still, a look of adoration and love painted across their faces. They approached where you were shyly looking away when Jungwoo was keeping you in place.

"You look like my queen, love." Taeyong took your hand and kissed the back of your hand. Jaehyun kissed the side of your head and pulled you towards him, "well, we have something more to say but let's go to the cafe first."

"Then let's go."

It didn't take much time to reach the destination but as soon as you stepped inside the door. You started to feel nervous and that did get noticed by them. They were mesmerized by the wonderful decoration that you did and planned for the day. Somewhere, they felt sorry to even blame you for keeping secrets for this. Doyoung didn't leave your hand when you were showing around the details you organized which perfectly matched all six of their likings but the moment they came across the pink box with a letter on top of it. You stopped them.

"Wait!"

They all turned towards you.

"There's something I want to tell you."

Taeyong smiled at you, "go ahead."

"No. First you gave me the surprise and then I did so now it's your turn to tell me first and then I will. How about this?"

Mark smiled and approached you, hugging you from behind and then you noticed Taeyong pulling out a box from his leather jacket.

"Woah! What's that?"

"It's-"

“Y/n!”

“Y/n!”

"Y/n!"

You knew your friend's voice and when you heard her screaming from outside, you ran towards the door and pushed it open.

The boys shouted out your name but you didn't listen and searched for your friend outside the cafe.

There was no one.

No one on the silent and peaceful afternoon street. You felt weird because you were so sure that you heard your friend call out for you so many times.

Are you hearing things?

You felt someone watching you. You looked in each direction but you couldn't see anyone. The boys already exited the cafe.

"Who was there?" Winwin asked while looking around.

"I heard my friend calling for me."

"Then where is she?"

"I don't know."

Doyoung stepped in front of you and held your wrist, "let's go inside. Maybe she was fooling around."

You nodded and turned around with them.

But the moment you took a step.

All of you heard a gunshot.

What happened?

"Ah...D-doyoung."

"Y/n!"

As soon as they saw you, blood was flowing out of your chest. You got shot? Who shot you? They frantically looked around but there was no one in their sight. Doyoung sat on his knees when he felt your limp body leaning on him.

"It's okay, y/n. I will save you. Just wait for a while. We will take you to the hospital soon."

He held your hand when Mark was searching for a way to stop the flow of blood. But his mind was not working and processing the things to do.

The day started with so much joy and love but suddenly what just happened?

Both of the men by your side were scared. Scared to lose you. You were fighting back the urge to seep into sleep but clutched his hand tightly to stay awake. Mark was repeatedly telling you to keep your eyes open.

"Baring the car. Do it fast." Taeyong pushed Jaehyun towards the car but you weakly called out their names and asked them to come to you.

"Just take her to the hospital. Now!"

"Mark. No...I-i don't think I can make it."

"No no y/n. You can." He pressed your hand, which was clutching your chest.

"Taeyong, tell me what you wanted to say. Please"

"Let's go to the hospital."

you shook your head and looked at Winwin, "Can you bring me the pink box? please..." you coughed. Jaehyun already went to bring the car and you were clutching Doyoung's hand tightly. tears escaping your eyes even though you didn't want to cry. Winwin jogged inside the cafe and quickly he picked up the note and the box and wasting no more time, he went towards you.

"Get inside." Jaehyun opened the door for you all.

"Taeyong, tell me please."

he was hesitant to tell you at that moment but wasting unnecessary time means risking your life more. your breath was heaving and Mark was trying his best to keep you awake. Winwin approached the scene and when you noticed him, you weakly smiled at him.

But Taeyong pulled out the black box from his jacket and opened it. your glistening eyes blinked slowly, everything was blur, you could feel a small thing placed on your palm. Taeyong took your hand away from Doyoung's shirt.

you brought the thing closer to you.

It's a ring.

before you could say anything. you all entered the care. you were still looking at the ring. When Jungwoo noticed your fixed gaze on the ring and your grip was about to loosen. He curled your fingers and held your fist tightly. 

Taeyong held back his tears and weakly said from the passenger seat, "we were going to ask you to marry us. A proposal ring."

you heard them. you wanted to say a lot of things but you couldn't. you wanted to say something else at the moment.

"Winwin, give the box to Taeyong." he was quick to follow your words. Jaehyun was often glancing at you from the rear mirror and to the front. their base hospital is a bit far away and they couldn't risk you reaching there so whatever problem they have to face, they were going to if they had to go to the city hospital.

Winwin kept the note in his hand and it was shaking in his hold. 

"trust me...i love you......" you weakly whispered but the one holding you heard it.

"Y/n...y/n...don't close your eyes...please..hey stay awake."

you didn't open your eyes.

nor you were clutching his hand.

"y/n..."

"drive faster!" Taeyong almost shouted at him.

Mark hesitatingly asked, "what's inside the box?"

Taeyong stared at it for a while and then when he opened it. A tear dropped inside the box. Jaehyun's breath hitched and looked at you but your eyes were closed. 

"Y/n...baby..."

aren't you going to smile at him? atleast for the last time.

Congratulations! It's a girl.'

Mark snatched the box from him and his eyes went wide. he urged the other to open the note and there it was, you have ranted everything like always and in the end,

'I collected some flowers for each day after I got the news of pregnancy. I could tell you earlier but I wanted to say it on a special day. I am not hiding anything from you except this. Just trust me. I want to give it to you all as a surprise.'

Jungwoo brought your hand to his lips to plant a kiss.

Doyoung pressed a kiss on your temple, "I trust you."

Are you just going to leave them now?

They won’t trust anything anymore when you didn’t even say the final goodbye.

Note: please I want to thanks to people for reading and reblogging. Reviews are always appreciated. Spread love not hate. If my favoritism is showing with some members then please try to understand oz they are my bias.

Taglist: @mymoodwriting @justhere4kpop @anyamaris @yeoobin @icchyi @jwnghyuns @piratequeen-queenofgames @dinonuguaegi @oreharuuu @hwanring @sanwifesstuff @kiwiisnthereoops @kiwiraccoon @hyuukah @kazscara @aceofspadesbiofalltrades @nvdhrzn @meowmeeps @vtyb23 @haechansbbg

[open!]

[vipwinnie]

Smoking Problem

Theodore Nott x reader

Summary : Theo has always been addicted to cigarettes but this time it was too much

Y/N's POV

I sat in Theo's bedroom with tears in my eyes as cigarette smoke filled the air. I watched my boyfriend, his face contorted with anger, smoking one cigarette after another. This habit had become a gap between us, an impassable wall. At the beginning of our relationship, I didn't think this would be a problem. But as time passed, I realized how cigarettes had taken over his life. I spoke to him repeatedly about the dangers to his health, to our relationship, but my words seemed to be lost in the smoke. Arguments had become commonplace. Every time I asked him to stop, he got defensive, arguing that he could smoke if he wanted. The tension between us continued to grow, until that fateful day. That day, the argument reached a level I never thought possible. My words were filled with frustration and disappointment, and his were laced with anger and resistance. The ring he had given me, a symbol of our love and our promises, had become a silent witness to our imminent destruction. In a fit of rage, I stood up, tears streaming down my cheeks, and threw the ring on the floor. The sound of metal against tile echoed through the room, marking the end of our love story. The silence that followed was deafening. But no sooner had the ring hit the ground than something unexpected happened. The boy suddenly stopped shouting and his face showed surprise. He looked down and saw the ring on the ground. The anger faded from his face, giving way to sadness and regret. He immediately picked up the ring, his hands trembling, and rushed over to give it back to me. He wanted to be forgiven, to repair his mistakes. But it was too late. I had already made my decision.

Theodore’s POV

I sat alone in my bedroom, my heart heavy and my mind tormented by the violent argument with my girlfriend. The days that followed were hell, a descent into the depths of sadness and distress. I found myself in a terrible state, unable to control my emotions. Tears flowed almost constantly, flooding my face as I remembered the harsh words we had thrown at each other. Every thought of her reminded me of our argument and the pain that came from it. Sleep was my worst enemy. I tossed and turned in my bed, unable to find rest. Images of our quarrel haunted my dreams, waking me up in sweat and leaving me exhausted throughout the day. The food no longer had any taste. My appetite was gone, replaced by a lump of anxiety in my throat that prevented me from eating anything. Every bite felt like cardboard in my mouth, useless and tasteless. I felt lost, like a part of me had been ripped away. I found it difficult to concentrate on my daily tasks, my mind continually being flooded with thoughts of regret and sorrow. My life seemed like a collection of painful memories and empty feelings. Yet, despite all this pain, I knew I was responsible for our argument. I had let anger and frustration take over, instead of communicating constructively. I blamed myself for letting our relationship reach such a breaking point. The days passed slowly, each minute seemed to last forever.

One evening, while I was lying on the floor crying, my friends Draco and Blaise came to find me in my room. Blaise said:"Man, are you still thinking about her? You've got to move on." Draco chimed in:"Yeah mate, moping around isn't helping. You need to get back out there." I sighed."I know guys, it's just...we were together for so long. I miss her." Blaise put his hand on my shoulder."I understand. But sitting here won't change anything. You've got to go talk to her, sort things out." Draco nodded."He's right. You won't know if you have a chance unless you try. The worst she can say is no, and at least then you'll have your answer." I thought about it. They were right,  I had been moping around for long enough. I needed closure, one way or another. "Alright, I'm going to go look for her. Thanks for talking some sense into me guys." 

I finally decided to make a sincere declaration of love to her, in the hope that she would forgive me. I took a deep breath and walked towards where we used to meet, a bench near the lake. When I saw her, my heart soared. She was there, sitting on the bench where we had shared so many happy moments. Her face was full of sadness, but I could still see the love she felt for me. I took a deep breath and approached her. "Y/N," I began with a shaky voice, "I'm so sorry for everything that happened between us. I didn't mean to hurt you, and I sincerely regret every harsh word that I could say. You are the most important person in my life, and I can't imagine my life without you." She looked at me, her eyes filled with unshed tears. “I blame you, you know,” she whispered, her voice filled with emotion. "But I love you so much, and I can't stay mad at you forever." I took a small box out of my pocket, containing the ring I had given him when we first started dating. "Y/N, I want you to know how much you mean to me. This ring symbolizes our love, and I want to give it back to you as a renewed promise. I promise you that I will do everything in my power to be the best boyfriend, to make you happy every day." Tears began to stream down her face as she took the box into her hands. She carefully opened it, revealing the sparkling ring inside. A radiant smile lit up her face, and she held out her hand so I could hand her the ring. “I forgive you,” she said softly, her eyes shining with happiness. "And I promise to give you another chance. I love you, and I want to be with you." I felt an immense relief wash over me as I slipped the ring onto her finger. I took his hand in mine and realized how lucky I was to have him in my life. We kissed, sealing our reconciliation and our renewed love.

[kaimukiwahine]

Just gonna type my thoughts out based on my notes I wrote while playing the To the Moon Beach Episode. So spoilers/long ramble.

Short things:

They brought back many minor characters from Finding Paradise, thought that was very cute

References: The "Are you winning, son?" in the airport was charming but I did not expect to get a full FNAF section

I love the use of previous games OST: updated versions and the lo-fi versions

Animations were very charming and expressive; they even joke about it ("didn't have a budget for it. The dance lessons")

That inverted/hanging jellyfish planter. I need it. I need it now.

Rob learning what people are up to on the internet these days only to instantly regret it

Willis and Taima still going at it. They are lifelong couple goals: keeping the flame alive while dropping wisdom

I need that soundtrack.

Bigger things:

Johnny and River addressing what most players/general audience found concerning about the original game and overall premise of the series: Altering and overwriting of memories or basically the reality of the dying. While jokingly Johnny says he could never see himself using their services, both conclude it's their choice and they just need to accept it

This was slightly touched on in the Minisode but for it to be brought into attention by the original characters that kicked off this series, it's something.

The three books at the beginning already set forth what this game is gonna be all about: grieving and acceptance of the passing of a loved one. The first run through, Eva completely numbed her memories to enjoy the beach and time with Neil. But there was always something.

Second run, she "confronts" as Faye states the truth: Neil is dead.

It was hinted that Eva started drinking (in the store) and has been repeatedly using the machine Neil left behind that Neil becomes concerned for her. (Similar to Collin in Finding Paradise.) While she wants to stay on the beach and relive the same day over and over, it's not possible.

There was a brief mention of immortality. One being a jellyfish that reverts back to infancy as it reaches the end of their lifespan and questioning if it's still the same jellyfish or not. Then compared to humans how we regenerate new cells except the brain and heart.

Roxie finds it romantic, Eva wishes that those also gets replaced with every pass.

Neil's death was either sudden or his condition was kept secret from Eva? Eva mentioned he didn't give her enough time to prepare and Neil didn't know what to do and I think he said he made the machine just so he just doesn't disappear and to leave something behind for her.

*Edit* I completely forgot about Paper Memories. I'm guessing the phone call Eva got from Roxie was that Neil passed away (given how distressed Roxie was in that one panel). It is possible that that portion was in the machine and that Rob and Roxie were aware. That whole portion is basically like this Beach Episode.

Edit2: thinking again, the call could be him in critical condition since in the comic Neil mentions making that garden. Eva not replying to Neil on how he died makes it sound like it was traumatic. She mentioned something about a surgery when talking to Lynri and Quincy and asking how he is when he visits them but not sure if that's involved or just a throwaway line.

Neil lives on with regrets; mostly wishing Eva was his girlfriend and more. Though he isn't real in the game, he still carries the memories he had. He built her "a garden" (comic reference) but she started spending too much time. And she can't fully enjoy it because he continues to keep her at arms length.

Neil locked himself in his room, much like he did in many instances throughout the series and now canonically, all throughout the life Eva and Neil has been together. Thinking he's doing what's best for her when all she wanted is him to be "here'

He regrets those decisions but it's understandable on why he did it. In Impostor Factory, Lynri's condition was hereditary and is in Neil. Seeing Quincy's face of absolute loneliness knowing he's about to lose his wife and eventually his son, it would devastate anyone. Neil making a machine to make it so that Eva would never have to go through that, while admirable, changed nothing. If not, made things worse.

How they close the game was brutal: The world Neil created for Eva to never be alone after he has passed slowly fading away, concluding with Eva being alone, crying, as she turns the machine off.

You couldn't just leave it like this for them. Together alone on the beach.

No. It's just Eva. Alone.

[between-a-ship-and-a-hard-place]

A small November fill for Build a Bucky Bingo 2023 @buckybarnesevents and the prompt AU: Regency.

Ficlet under the cut!

Rating: G Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes & Natasha Romanoff no warnings (apart from wild liberties taken in regards to historical accuracy)

“I regret not having paid witness to such a memorable occasion. It shall surely be the talk of the town for at least a full day.” Rogers dipped his brush into the pan and added swift strokes of brown to the untamed landscape emerging on his canvas; he was in his shirtsleeves, his easel set up next to the always blazing fireplace. He paused, scrutinizing his marks. “And are you certain there is none among the ladies who has caught your eye?”

James bristled. “As I have told both you and my mother repeatedly, I am not looking to marry this season.”

He rose from the ottoman he’d flung himself down onto in a fit of boredom, to wander around the stuffy drawing room. Rain poured down outside, grey curtains obscuring the gardens; James was itching to get his hands on the reins or his boots on the ground. He turned his back to the windows.

His friend had not been taken aback by his sudden temper. He rested the end of the paintbrush on the pointy tip of his chin, considering James with the attentiveness he usually devoted to his paintings. There was a smudge of blue on the angled point of his jaw; he would forget to clean it off and be scolded for it at dinner.

“What about Miss Romanova?”

“Natalia?” James balked. “Have you lost your senses?”

Rogers regarded him with a crooked smile. “I was referring to the younger Miss Romanova.”

James opened his mouth and closed it again. He could hear his mother’s voice echoing the same question. Yelena Romanova was a pretty girl, from a respected family—and to his knowledge did not hold the same stance on marriage as her older sister. She was also known to be an accomplished painter. Her eyes did have nearly the same blue colour as—

He banished the thought from his head.

“No,” he said, declaring the topic of conversation over.

His friend did not heed the cue. “Then what about Miss Maximoff? I recall seeing you dance with her on more than one occasion, if I am not mistaken.”

James only grunted in response. He did not care to divulge that the main reason for his dancing with Miss Maximoff so often was that it provided his sister ample opportunity to converse with the brother, Mr Pietro Maximoff. Rogers did not need to know the extent to which his little sister had him wrapped around her finger.

He came to stand next to the easel to observe the half-finished painting, which did not seem half-anything in his eyes; the desolate northern hills were captured in such detail that James would have sworn he could feel the howling wind pulling the breath from his lungs.

“And you?” he asked, rather abruptly.

“What of me?” Steven looked up at him.

James waved his hand in the air. “Is there no lady who has charmed you with her intelligence, lively wit and …. extensive knowledge of art and poetry?”

His friend laughed. “I do not suppose any lady possessing all of those qualities would bestow her charms on one such as myself.”

James made a face his mother would have scolded him for had she been there to witness it. “I wish you wouldn’t talk about yourself that way.”

Steven offered him a rather pitying smile. “I am only stating the truth, as you well know. A man’s fortune can make up for much of his shortcomings in matters of looks or manners. As I am neither in possession of good looks nor a fortune—”

“Stop, please.” James grasped ahold of his arm and spoke with a rush of some strange emotion, “Not every match is made for money.”

He came to his senses a moment later, to discover they were all but standing chest to chest; the brush still held in Steven’s hand was threatening to stain his waistcoat. James let go of his wrist and backed away, face hot from the proximity of the fire.

“No,” his friend said slowly, eyeing him with a curious expression, “I suppose some are foolish enough to make them for love.”

&

“You are making my head spin,” Natalia drawled from where she was lounging on the chaise in that particular manner of hers, much like a cat ready to pounce. “Will you quit that and tell me what is the matter, or do you prefer to thread holes in our carpets?”

James stopped his pacing and spun around.

“I—” He paused and stared up at the ceiling. “How do you tell someone that you cannot fathom spending the rest of your life in anyone’s company but theirs?” he asked, rather more desperately than he’d wished.

Natalia dropped her book and pretense. “Bad poetry is a favoured choice.” Her eyes gleamed with a bright hunger. “Who is she?”

James shook his head and turned his back on her; he clenched his fists by his side. “You must forget I said anything.”

He walked over to the French windows. It was raining again, as it had been all those weeks ago. A servant scurried along the path from the stables with a basket in her arms. James stared out over the rain-damp grounds; they felt less real to him than a painting.

A slim hand grasped his elbow. “How can I help?” Natalia had never cared much for propriety when it did not benefit her—and anyone who dared to suggest anything about her character was sure to find their own reputation more affected.

“You cannot. Please,” James begged, “leave it be.”

“You do not have to tell me,” she said in a soft voice. “But I do not like to see my friend this way and I believe I know what is ailing him.”

It should not have come as a surprise that his thoughts and desires were so transparent to her. James banished the stab of fear and laid his hand on top of hers. “Then you know there is no cure,” he confessed.

“But friendship may be a balm. And if one’s friend would happen to find themselves in a similar position …”

James tried not to betray his astonishment; he had heard whispers but always disregarded them as evil, envious rumors. A small, wild thing fluttered in his chest as he turned to face her. “What are you proposing?”

She looked up at him with a matching fervour in her gaze. “Would you not say most offers of marriage are made on the grounds of a mutual advantage?”

James could scarcely breath and was not certain he’d understood her. “What would be the advantage of such a marriage?”

Natalia smiled at him and there was a deep sadness to it.

“Freedom, Mr Barnes.”

[asvterias]

𝖦𝗈𝗈𝖽 𝖤𝗇𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁 𝖥𝗈𝗋 𝖧𝖾𝗋 ~ 𝖡𝗋𝗂𝖽𝗀𝖾𝗍 𝖡𝗂𝗑𝗅𝖾𝗋

warnings: tiny bit of angst but a happy ending

pairings: bridget x fem!black!reader

genres: extrovert!reader x introvert!bridget & bridget being a cute jealous gf while being slightly insecure

summary: despite being in a relationship with bridget, skylar still playfully flirts with you at a party. your girlfriend instantly becomes overdriven with jealousy and insecurity, making her question your love for her.

word count: 1.2k+

author’s note: hopefully this turns out better than excepted! italic is bridget’s thoughts!

tag list: @c6pids @melodramatic-lesbian @simpforseungkwan @curiousshifter101

it was rare to get bridget out of her home, especially to a party, of all places. knowing the brunette girl’s interests by heart, she values staying indoors with her loved ones, only opting to leave her house when necessary. sometimes you get her to spend the night over at your house, even if it was just to be held in each other’s warm embrace or innocent making out. somehow, you had seduced roped into making bridget come to the party as your plus one.

although she agreed to come along, she didn’t plan on being reckless with her actions that night, therefore she was prohibiting herself from doing drugs and drinking alcohol.

bridget was huddled in a corner, observing others with her eyes as she tended to a red cup in her hand. better to look awkward standing than sitting alone. she wanted to be alone, often taking the liberty of her state of mind. not to be surrounded by alcoholic minors and loud music booming throughout her ears.

you had invited her over in your social circle, persuading her to get comfortable and meet your friends but she shook her head in disagreement with a small smile. she truly adored you but most of your friends were just assholes in her perspective.

although saddened by her answer, you pouted slightly before pecking her lips and left to head over to your group.

god, you were so cute, bridget admired you with a smile lingering on her face. to this day, the brunette nerd was still confused about how she managed to pull you.

it was a no-brainer that you both belonged to two different school cliches. you were amongst the rich and popular group, occupying positions like head cheerleader whilst bridget was a nerd and loner holding onto being in the school band.

she hadn’t gone far, only being a few feet away, wanting to keep a close eye on you. besides she didn’t know anyone else at this party other than you and wasn’t desperate in becoming a social butterfly.

now she really regrets not accepting that invitation to join your friends.

despite only downing a club soda, her eyes perceived her throughout the array of bodies moving past her. everything turned in slow motion, the music, the people alongside their chattering…but bridget wasn’t focused on any of those things. in fact, she was solely focused on your little conversation with your friend, skylar. every time skylar leans into your ear and whispers incoherent words and your reaction is a wide smile across your face making her face scrunch up in irritation. also witnessing how skylar’s hand glazed onto your inner thigh but you subtly push her hand away. all that flashed through bridget’s mind was repeatedly punching her until she lost consciousness…

bridget closes her eyes, hitting her head against the wall as she distracted herself by squeezing the cup to steady her overwhelming emotions.

she couldn’t act out in public, not like this, not with you around. come on, she’s not a wild animal, she has some self-control, but, oh….skylar was making it mission impossible for the introverted brunette.

the proximity between you and skylar made her infuriated with jealousy. bridget had voiced her opinions about your friend being seemingly unaware of boundary rules.

she guesses that she should be mad at you as well, for allowing her to be in your personal space but she’s not. she couldn’t blame skylar for her advances on you because you were stunning and she knew that other people saw the same.

she should be the one teasing you indiscreetly. she should be the one making you blush. not your friend. it should be her! it shouldn’t be affecting her this much anyways, after all, she was the one with the upper hand gaining the luxury of dating you.

stupid skylar thinks that you’re interested in her. stupid skylar is fully aware of your relationship with bridget but still ignores her and parades you around, acting like you’re single.

stupid skylar!! stupid skylar!! stupid skylar!!

a sudden splash brought her out of her thoughts as she abruptly opened her eyes to notice that her drink was spilled onto the wooden floor and the cup destroyed. the noise also turned a few heads, including yours as the music faded out the minor accident.

not used by this much attention, bridget turns on her heel and hurriedly escapes the scene, bumping into random shoulders while exiting to save herself from further embarrassment. immediately you got up and followed after your girlfriend to check up on her, pushing past people to keep up with your fast girlfriend.

soon enough, you found her in one of the bedrooms sitting on the neatly fixed bed with her head in her hands.

“got room for one more?” you asked, still in the doorway, watching how she slowly removes her hands and looks up at you. nodding slightly, she pats a space next to her waiting for you to join her.

upon taking her confirmation, you close the door and walk towards her. you heavily sighed as you took a seat on the soft mattress.

“wanna talk about what happened in there?”

“no! not really.” she shrugs you off, avoiding your eyes. you agreed in silence while looking forward, shuffling closer and briefly touching her leg with yours. the light touch made her turn to you with a hidden glint in her eyes.

“it’s just that i sometimes wonder if you ever made the right choice about dating me.”

your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you attempt to stutter out an answer. where was all this coming from?

bridget had kept it hidden, in hopes of her jealousy brushing off but it just seemed to flourish over time instead. turns out, her so-called buried feelings raised back when seeing skylar’s advances toward you.

“look at us, [name]!” she switches her finger between the two of you, “you’re one of the popular kids and i’m a nerd. our school cliches don’t intertwine with each other.”

“that’s not really what you’re mad at, bridg.”

“fine…” she defeatedly sighs, “i guess that i got jealous of you and skylar being so close together. she knows that we’re dating yet she’s still over you.”

“now i can’t excuse skylar’s behavior but i will confront her about it.”

“no please don’t—“

“if it makes you uncomfortable i’ll confront her about it 100 times.” you held her hands, calmly interrupting her.

“listen to me, bridg.” you caress her face softly, watching as she melts into your touch and the sight made you swoon light-heartedly. “you’re good enough for me, i love you and not skylar so i don’t want you to feel insecure just by being in a relationship with me,” you explain, squeezing her hand, “look from now on, we can try to be as open as we need to be each with other, so neither of us are left in the dark. ok, that sounds like a plan?”

bridget smiles, agreeing with your statement. “wanna ditch and order take-out?”

you leaned in, giving your girlfriend a gentle kiss. “yeah, let’s go.”

© asvterias, 2023. please do not plagiarize any of my works.

[neptunesrains]

Letting go

I have decided to change and to do that I need to let go. I need to forgive those who have wronged me, and forgive myself for my own transgressions as well.

I have decided that confronting the issues that plague me is the best way to start, and so I will start with the most recent 'issue' I suppose.

While on holiday recently, I decided to go out clubbing with my sister. I haven't been clubbing in years and do not like it, but she wanted to go and I thought 'fuck it, why not?'

The drinks were strong- much stronger than I am used to. I spent most of the evening chatting with random people and keeping an eye on my sister and a family friend, but admittedly got far drunker than I realised I was. I don't remember at what point, but we both started speaking to these two guys. I truly do not remember how the conversation started, but one claimed he was 19 (My 18 year old sister spoke to him) and the other, whom I spoke to, said he was 20.

Well the club closed at, I believe, 3AM. The family friend went back to the hotel and gave me updates (s thing I regret greatly. I should have stayed with her, but I was drunk and didn't know what to do. She got back safely) and my sister and I decided to continue the night.

The two boys brought us to a hotel. I remember little, only that the boy, who I'll call S, was gentlemanly. We went to the pool and stripped to our underwear and spent a short time jumping off rocks into the pool. I then went up to the rocks and my sister stayed in the pool with the boy she was with.

I remember kissing S and I have a hazy memory of taking my underwear off. The rest is mostly gone. Before this, I hadn't had sex in two years and knew, without a doubt, that I did not want to again until I absolutely trusted my partner due to these past experiences.

Well I had sex that night. I can say honestly to myself that I know I kept coming back to myself. I told him to stop or to wait several, I believe 4, times. I do not remember how we ended up having sex again and again. I do remember eventually getting him to stop and actually stopping him from continuing several times until I came down from the rocks.

It dawned on me on the walk back that I was still so drunk I couldn't get my words out right (6am). I realised I had just had sex and cried as soon as I got back to the room. The next day, with a massive hickey on my neck, I cried repeatedly again until the evening. I had to pretend I was completely fine because I didn't know how to deal with it. How could I blame him when he was likely also drunk? How do I comprehend or understand a situation I don't remember? Then, in looking him up, I found out he was 16. Looking at him now, I see the baby face, but it was dark and I was drunk. At 21, I feel completely sickened by this information. I texted him and he said he was 20, but I found his acting profile and a YouTube video of his, both stating he was 16. I know it's not my fault; that he lied to me. I know that I would not have consented to sex in any way if I wasn't that drunk and he hadn't lied. I still feel sick. It might not have been rape, but I feel like something was taken from me and I cannot get it back. I cannot speak to my peers because I am ashamed and sickened and I don't want to make it real. I have spoken to one person in real life about this and she has attempted to make several jokes about the situation and his age, which has made me incredibly resentful of her. This has further complicated things, because she is my best and closest friend and I don't currently have many.

I have blocked S and do not believe I will speak to another about this situation, both out of shame and because I want to move on. This situation is the past and I do not intend to carry it with me.

So.

To S, I forgive you for lying to me. I feel like you took advantage of me, but I really cannot work it out. So I leave it behind me.

To my friend, I forgive you for joking. You are immature and I have known that for years. I know I must rise above it.

To my family friend, I am sorry for letting you walk home alone when I should have been there. It was reckless and irresponsible.

And to me. I forgive myself for getting so drunk and for letting myself get into such a situation. I have learned from this as I feel I needed to.

[okinawa-division]

🖤 for all three!

Ace has never killed anyone before, not surprisingly. Has he gotten into brawls and fights? Yes, but that's what they all are: brawls. He's never killed someone, be it with a weapon or his own hands. As far as someone's trust or heart goes, Ace has, unfortunately. One memory that sticks with him is the week after his grandfather passed. He and Evelyn got into a fight because he was suffering from depression and in the midst of it, he angrily stated that he never wanted to see her again, which broke his girlfriend's heart. Of course, Evelyn soon forgave him after he got help, but that memory still sticks with him because it reminds him of how weak he was.

Evelyn is the same as Ace. In fact, asking her if she has ever killed anything would probably get you stared at like you were crazy. Like Ace, she has been in fights before, though she's never killed anyone. Has she ever wished someone dead? Yes, but not to the point of actually doing it herself. On matters of the heart and trust, she feels she betrayed Ace's trust when she went off to university. When she was going through a bad time in college, she recalls that she once got drunk at a party and wound up having unprotected sex with a guy.

Even worse, she thought that she was pregnant with the guy's kid since she repeatedly had morning sickness for up to two weeks. Fortunately, it turns out, it was just a pregnancy scare and it was just her anxiety acting up. It was after that, though that the cheerleader started having issues about her self-worth because not only had she been treated like she was 'easy', but she had betrayed the trust of a guy she really loved and cared for. To this day, she still hasn't told Ace about that.

Rashaad, unfortunately, has killed someone before, and he regrets it to this very day. After he had awoken from his coma and had been told that he had to repeat his last year of high school due to missing so many days, he was incensed. He dropped out of school and joined a street gang, which engaged in numerous crimes throughout his neighborhood. Though a close friend of his tried to get his life back on track, the future bartender was stubborn. It was only after he accidentally shot his friend during a shootout that he realized what he had done.

Rashaad has never forgiven himself for killing his friend, who, unlike him, actually had a good head on his shoulders and was trying to make something of himself. Before he left New York for Japan, he made a makeshift grave for his friend since he couldn't attend his funeral. He still keeps his friend's memory close to his heart, and he hopes and prays that he can someday accept his death and come to peace with himself.

Thanks for the ask!

[schrodingers-tits]

Ok! I’m gonna mainly discuss the mental disorders he has and explain how they affect him

So first, we know about Tweek’s addiction from his parents. In my canon, they decided on Tweek’s seventh birthday that their son is old enough to help out with their business. This includes taste testing coffee, which is canonized in TFBW. Eventually, Tweek started to REALLY want to drink the coffee a lot because he gets a weird, tingly, funny feeling when he drinks it. Drinking so much coffee for someone so little caused some big problems, like the obvious anxiety/paranoia, acne, restlessness, and ✨ psychosis ✨

Anxiety disorder: the most obvious disorder. Any distressing event can cause a lot of pressure on tweek and make it hard for him to function. Because of this, Tweek has to constantly live in a state of fear and has multiple panic attacks a day. Luckily, Craig tries to comfort him and seems to work wonders on Tweek’s anxiety.

Paranoid personality disorder: the other obvious one. It’s very, very hard for tweek to perform some tasks because he worries he’ll get hurt. Tweek does research on some of these disasters to see what he can do to prevent it or stay safe. Chances are you’ll need to reassure him that he’s likely to be okay during these.

Adhd: in Gnomes, Mrs tweak claims the reason her son is so hyper is because of ADHD. It’s heavily implied that she said this as a cover up, but I still headcanon tweek to have this because I have it too and I like to self project. Tweek canonically has trouble focusing, so this could mean he might just have ADHD. The hyperactivy isn’t something to care about because of the coffee.

And now, disorders tweek doesn’t canonically have but does have in my canon:

Autism: more self projection. Tweek stims a lot mostly to let anxiety out. His special interests are Pokémon, Lego’s and animals. Funnily enough the first and third are mine too. Tweek is sensitive to loud noises, so he sometimes wears noise cancelling headphones. In my rehab AU, Tweek enters a large burnout, sleeps often, acts more soft (trying not to fanonize him, he’s just been through a lot) and is often semiverbal. He also has many meltdowns instead of anxiety attacks in this AU.

Depression: yes, even tweek gets depressed often. If Tweek loses someone or does something that makes him “hate (his) brain”, chances are hell lie in his bed all do and do barely anything. Unfortunately, he (as a teenager) has hurt himself on purpose (usually burning himself his coffee or repeatedly hitting his head on a wall) and attempted a few times. Pro tip: bring Stripe to Tweek during a depressive episode. You won’t regret it.

Epilepsy: so. Meth can cause seizures. Autism is often comorbid with epilepsy. So, if an autistic kid drinks coffee repeatedly ever since he was seven, it’s likely something bad will happen to your brainwaves. If Tweek gets very, VERY stressed, he might seize. His epilepsy seemed to have formed when he was eleven, and it got bad a year later and he almost died from a long seizure.

There’s probably more I headcanon him to have but I can’t seem to remember them well on the top of my tongue. So, in conclusion, Tweek needs a hug.

oooo! I love these so much. Personally, I also headcanon (well, semi-canon) him to have Tourette’s, due to his tics. I, myself, suffer from tics, and his ‘tweaking’ is very reminiscent of these. The way he just moves past them when talking like they didn’t happen at all is very tic-disorder-behavior.

Another one (this one definitely more headcanon-y) is cognitive/motor disinhibition. Tweek obviously suffers from paranoia, however, from the description of cognitive disinhibition, it could tie in as well. The unwanted thoughts that keep a person from focusing sounds very Tweek-like.

Next: mania. This is tied into his coffee/meth addiction, however he shows signs of it when he doesn’t have coffee. This is clearly withdrawal of sorts, but it leads to a manic-like state.

The last one is OCD. Tweek’s paranoia is a part of the reason why I believe this, though I’m not sure how canon it is. It’s more of a headcanon, as his anxiety is almost parallel to that of people I know with OCD and anxiety. Again, there isn’t much proof that I have stored in my brain, but it is more a headcanon.

Good talk!! :) /gen

[area51-escapee]

Early voting starts today here in Texas. And I feel worse than ever trying to make sense of all this.

I remember back to being 15/16, whenever Trump first started campaigning, and I remember how things were then. I understood easily the fact that voting for trump was voting for all sorts of bigotry, that voting for trump was voting for his ideals, and voting for trump made you responsible for what he did. It made sense to me, I’d say I internalized that, it still makes sense to me, and I still believe that to be true.

And that’s why I can’t bring myself to vote for Kamala Harris. I’ve tried to change my own mind, I’ve tried to convince myself that it would be a good idea, that I would regret it if I didn’t. But when I see the horrible things this administration has done, and then I see her repeatedly reaffirming that she will not stop sending arms to Israel, when I see her repeating the same “Israel has the right to defend itself” bullshit, and then I see the men, women, and children harmed by Israel’s so called “self defense”. I can’t do that. I cannot support that. I can’t be responsible for that. I wouldn’t be able to leave the voting booth and see more carnage knowing I supported that. I wouldn’t be able to face the people asking me for help with fundraisers knowing I supported this. It makes me sick, nauseous with guilt. I just can’t do it.

And it’s not as if her stance on Palestine is the only issue I have with her. I feel strongly about the fact she boasts about her border security being “stronger” than trump’s, that she plans to continue that fucking wall, that she’s just another democrat who has left the trans community behind. But even if my only problem was Palestine, I still feel it’s horrible and demeaning to say that makes me a “single issue voter”. It’s not a single issue. It is approximately 42,000 issues. Likely a lot more. And knowing that she will overlook that, that she will continue to aid in that. I just cannot bring myself to support that. I would feel responsible every single day.

The thing is I can understand the people who have weighed their options and decided that they are willing to vote for Harris because they believe it will be the best for the most people. I don’t fault people for that. What I can’t understand is the callous way that people disregard the very real concerns that people like me have with her. That people can’t understand why I would have such a hard time looking past destroyed homes and displaced families and toddlers hospitalized by air strikes. I can’t understand why more people aren’t as angry about this as we should be.

It’s hard to understand all this. And it’s hard to know that from my position, no matter what, I will still be fucked. Every week it feels like, another democrat up for election in some area throws trans people under the bus to gain the votes of people who hate us, including the one person I actually felt some hope about voting for. I have to rely on state elections to get me and the people around me anywhere, because regardless of who is in the White House, unless they enact things Nationally, we are still left behind down here, and as a trans person especially it’s become obvious that I’m only worth consideration by vicious transphobes who have made attacking us a priority, that elections alone won’t save us.

Elections alone won’t stop the horrible treatment of migrants at the border, it won’t stop cop cities from being built, it wont stop the death penalty, and it especially won’t stop the weapons being sent to Israel to enact horrific crimes. I wish it was enough but it’s not. And my only hope is that especially in the event that Harris wins the presidency, that people will still care, that people will stick to what they said about “pushing Kamala left”, that people will still be angry and still fight for the things that matter, but having seen the way things went after Biden was elected, I have a horrible feeling I know exactly how it’ll go.

[humanoidtyphoons]

hm, for the record, i still think hana yori dango has a semblance of a good idea but then chooses the worst way to go about things. and also has the worst love interest.

having watched the first episode of the 2005 drama… i think it maybe has the most interesting ML tbh??? by having him state that he’s bored and his usual kicks aren’t really doing it for him, that he’s feeling a little lost and listless, it… kinda makes me sympathetic to him??? i also just think that the actor exudes such an intriguing angry vulnerability to him. he’s resentful that he’s hit this wall that i can see why he’s going to fall for fl

(like he’s still a piece of shit and honestly i’m still not sold on wanting the two to end up together, bc og ml is way better i think, but. priorities! why did they change it!)

i mean maybe meteor garden 2001 and bof implied this boredom? but the aggression was SO off putting that i could never quite believe in why fl would fall for him.why she switched her affections from sml to ml. bof, i could see ml thinking that fl is a worthy rival, but making it a reciprocal love story… just didn’t work at all. neither had the vulnerability, though it has been too long for me to properly recall mg2001

honestly, i still think shining inheritance is the best version of wanting rich ml/poor fl to happen even if it isn’t a hyd adaptation. but… look, at least in that ml actually became a decent person after being put through customer service and realising what an entitled shithead he’s been for a good portion of the show and regretting it repeatedly. he got there eventually, and it felt extremely realistic because such progress is slow and he’d been a spoilt rich kid all his life, so ofc he’d dig his heels in and be frustrating about it.

like i get the appeal in wanting a rich love interest to fall in love with a cinderella girl, but i also don’t want them being rich as justification for all the awful shit they pull, and for them to feel remorse for their self-entitled and classist behaviour. yk???

but hey. they’re rich. so it absolves them of everything, right????

anyways, early days.

[lepatites]

so.. i continue to write this since i have met the counselor. i said everything written here, and surprisingly the root is my senior high school experience.

senior high school is one of the life phase i do not like to talk about to everyone. there were so many sorrowful moments full of disappointments, regrets, and miscommunications between me, my mother, and my teachers. and i was not a talkative girl back then, i push all my sadness deep in my soul without me knowing that makes her, the 17 years old me, stuck within my soul.

the psychologist said, my body is recording a pattern for years since i was 17, or maybe even younger than that. the 22 year old me is in a healthy environment with lots of supports from family and friends. but, the 17 y.o still haunts. it makes me got panic attack when i am going to meet my lecture, because my 17 y.o thinks all lecturers will scold me or tell my mother for every little mistake I did just like my senior high school teachers. when i got bad grades, my 17 y.o me thinks my mother will be disappointed and scold me again for not performing well at school, then compare me to my brother. the repeating pattern i experienced in high school still recorded in my body, (since i have not released it), so it affects my daily habit and health, now in 22 y.o me.

during the counseling session, my psychologist massaged my back while telling me to imagine about my senior high school days. i cried a lot, even now while writing this, my eyes are teary already. while i was crying and imagining my senior high school days, she told me 'you are safe now' repeatedly. she wants me to embrace that horrible memories and realize that i am now in different place, different environment, and different year, so that even though i have bad memories, i am still safe now. my mother has supported me and never scold me like before, my lecturers always give constructive feedbacks and never tell my mother anything about what i did in college, and my friends have been taking care of me all the time here. i am safe now.

my unconscious state always punish myself when i do not perform well. i lowkey never satisfied with my achievements, and always compare myself with other (even when i feel sad, i tell myself i do not deserve to be sad cause other people have worse problem). i may be, unconsciously, never validate my feelings and never appreciate myself to the point i want to destruct myself (unconsciously). that is why, i often got headache, gerd, and now eczema. gerd and eczema works to destruct myself because i hate myself more than anyone, that i unconsciously want to vanish, and my brain and body listen to me more better than anyone else. every cells of my body listen to my unconscious desire of being vanished.

my psychologist said, you should have appreciate her, my 17 y.o, first before anyone else. cheer for her when she feels sad and anxious. release her anger, her disappointments, her regrets, her untold stories. so that she is slowly will be free and not overcoming the 22 y.o me. always remind myself that i live in the present where everything is already changed and fine. i am safe now.

it makes me reminded of one of the conversation with my friend, my previous student council's staff to be exact. i apologize to them for everything because i was a bad leader and i barely did nothing. it liberates me a bit when they said that i was doing well. they said they appreciate me so much back then, and now too. a half of myself already against that idea, but i remain silent and smile, trying to forgive myself too.

now that it becomes clear, i feel like opening a dark book of my senior high school moments. and i feel braver to open that often in the future. even though perhaps i would cry, but i will take it as a part, as my effort to heal.

anyway, i have already forgiven my mother and teachers. my mother, especially. she already did her best to understand and support me. (i have lot of things to say about this, but i can't continue to write because i want to cry already, and i am in the library). i just want to say i love her so much and i want her to live without any regret as a mother. she is a great mother. if in another life i reborn, i would like to be her daughter again.

so the only thing that i should do is forgive myself. even though it takes time, but i will forgive and appreciate myself more. i will tell my cells to liven me up, to be healthy, to be strong. because the 22 y.o me has a beautiful life, and she wants to live.

aku mau menulis tentang hal yang akan aku bicarakan dengan psikolog nanti. setelah berpikir berpuluh-puluh kali, sepertinya berdiskusi dengan psikolog adalah hal yang patut dicoba lagi. aku menulisnya karena aku kesulitan untuk mengutarakan apa yang ingin aku katakan dengan baik.

ini akan jadi pertemuan kedua kalinya. pertemuan pertama tahun 2020, ketika aku mengalami sakit kepala yang terlalu sering terjadi beberapa tahun ke belakang. sebelumnya aku pergi ke dokter umum, dan pertanyaan pertama dokter itu adalah 'apa kamu bahagia?' membuatku tertegun. sakit kepala itu sering aku alami sejak sekolah menengah atas, tapi tidak pernah terpikir bahwa penyebabnya hanya karena aku tidak cukup bahagia. pertanyaan dokter itu pun hanya aku jawab dengan kekehan bingung, karena aku rasa aku baik-baik saja. tapi setelah coba dipikirkan kembali, memang sakit kepala itu sering muncul ketika aku khawatir tentang sesuatu, terutama ujian kalkulus atau fisika. sakit kepala, jantung berdegup kencang, keringat berlebih, lemas, dan lain sebagainya. akhirnya, aku memutuskan untuk berkonsultasi dengan psikolog. saat itu dia menjelaskan kinerja otak yang terhambat ketika kita merasa panik dan khawatir berlebih. singkatnya, aku mulai belajar untuk mengidentifikasi hal yang membuatku tertekan, mengatasi rasa panik, dan mengantisipasi jika hal tersebut terjadi lagi. setelah satu kali konsultasi itu, dan dengan kepercayaan diri pada kemampuanku untuk mengendalikan diri, sakit kepala itu mulai berkurang dengan baik.

tapi tubuhku memang selalu bereaksi lebih cepat dari pikiran dalam mengidentifikasi masalah yang membuatku stress. bulan oktober sampai desember 2022 lalu, aku kembali merasakan kehidupan yang berwarna abu-abu.

memasuki tahun terakhir sebagai mahasiswa, aku mencoba menjalaninya dengan santai. aku merasa sudah memberitahu diri ini bahwa rintangan di depan cukup sulit. aku harus menyelesaikan tiga mata kuliah sambil menyusun tugas akhir. aku sering mengatakan pada diri sendiri, "kamu bisa melakukannya perlahan, sedikit demi sedikit", kemudian aku juga sering mengingatkan diriku sendiri "jangan bermalas-malasan, kamu akan menyesal nantinya seperti yang pernah kamu alami dulu. ingat betapa sedihnya kamu jika gagal dalam ujian dan menyadari kamu bisa melakukannya lebih baik jika saja tidak membuang waktu?"

setelah dipikir, aku tetap mencoba menonton video pembelajaran yang berdurasi panjang itu meskipun lelah, aku tetap mencoba mengerjakan tugas dengan kemampuanku sendiri, mencoba mengerti mata kuliah meskipun tertatih-tatih, dan tetap datang untuk bimbingan skripsi setiap hari rabu meskipun tidak ada progres apapun. aku senang karena sekarang aku menyadari bahwa aku tidak pernah lari dari tanggung jawabku.

tapi saat itu, aku sama sekali tidak bisa mengapresiasi sendiri. aku sering mengkritisi dan mengkritik diriku sendiri dengan kejam lebih dari siapapun. aku merasa sangat lambat dan tertinggal. aku sadar masih banyak waktu yang aku buang, bangun siang, atau sekedar melamun dan memikirkan hal-hal buruk. saat itu aku merasa aku kurang berusaha, tapi tidak sanggup untuk mengeluarkan lebih banyak tenaga. banyak pelajaran yang tidak bisa aku mengerti, sampai kesal dengan diri sendiri.

di sisi lain, saat itu aku memikirkan kabar ayahku yang semakin sakit dan keluarga yang mengurusnya. dia sudah sakit stroke sejak aku kelas 2 sekolah dasar. kondisinya saat ini kembali seperti anak kecil yang tidak stabil, segala kemauannya harus dituruti, pemarah, tapi juga seorang kakek yang lemah dan tidak berdaya. dia menghabiskan setiap harinya di depan tablet untuk mengaji, tapi sisanya mungkin hanya menatap halaman rumah dan langit-langit. tidak banyak, bahkan hampir tidak ada yang mengajaknya mengobrol. interaksi kami hanya sebatas membawakan air, mengantar ke toilet, atau mengisi daya tabletnya. aku terus terusan membayangkan betapa melelahkan, membosankan, dan menyedihkan menjalani hidup seperti itu bertahun-tahun. tapi aku juga memikirkan ibuku yang setiap hari menghadapi dan mengurusnya bahkan di sela pekerjaannya yang sibuk dan umurnya yang juga sudah semakin menua. aku juga memikirkan kedua kakakku yang terus bekerja di rumah karena harus membantu mengurusnya, meskipun mereka punya keinginan yang kuat untuk menjalani hidupnya sendiri dengan bebas.

pikiranku saat itu terasa membingungkan. aku merasa aku lari dari tanggung jawabku mengurus ayah sendiri, aku merasa egois karena menjalani hidup di jakarta sambil hura-hura, aku merasa aku tidak banyak mempedulikan ibuku yang sudah tua dan kelelahan itu. kemudian aku berpikir lagi, 'oh aku harus membalasnya dengan prestasi, dengan belajar yang baik'. tapi juga aku tidak melakukan itu, dan aku diliputi dengan perasaan bersalah terus menerus. aku merasa semakin takut gagal, aku merasa semakin takut mengecewakan keluargaku sendiri.

aku menjalani hari sambil terus menghukum diri sendiri jika melakukan kesalahan sekecil apapun, atau bermalas-malasan, tapi tidak juga membuatku berhenti bermalas-malasan, tapi aku jadi marah akan itu, dan aku marah pada diri sendiri, tapi juga tidak membuatku menjadi lebih baik. aku merasa kesal dengan diri sendiri, aku tidak mau melihat diri sendiri, dan aku sering merasa sangat kecil. aku tidak tahu bagaimana mendeskripsikannya, aku hanya merasa sangat kecil dan buruk. aku tidak mau terlihat.

dengan tugas yang menumpuk, kuis setiap minggu, juga sambil menyusun skripsi, aku tidak sering merasakan sakit kepala. jadi aku pikir aku baik baik saja sejauh ini. sampai aku menyadari keadaan tangan dan wajahku yang tiba-tiba amat kering, sampai skincare harga ratusan ribu itu pun tidak mengatasinya dengan baik. keadaan tanganku lebih buruk lagi, muncul bintik-bintik kecil berair yang amat gatal, berujung luka, dan memerah semuanya. menyentuh sesuatu pun perih, apalagi jika terkena air dan sabun. bintiknya semakin banyak di setiap ruas jari dan telapak tangan, semakin gatal, semakin perih. aku berpikir itu alergi, dan aku pergi ke dokter umum untuk meminta obat alergi, berhenti makan makanan yang bisa memicu, dan lain sebagainya. tapi keadaan tidak kunjung membaik.

di samping itu, aku sering merasa panik setiap mau berangkat kuliah, atau saat mengerjakan tugas. jantung berdegup lebih kencang dari biasanya, terkadang sampai kesulitan bernafas dan mual. ini anomali yang aku sadari. kemudian, dengan sedikit pengetahuan tentang mindfullness, aku mencoba beristirahat setidaknya lima menit. mengatur nafas, merasakan apa yang bisa aku sentuh, melihat sekitar, mencoba mendengar suara sekecil apapun. aku bertahan dengan melakukan hal itu. aku menyadari aku memang mengkhawatirkan banyak hal, bahkan yang sebenarnya tidak terjadi sekalipun.

tapi kondisi kulit tidak kunjung membaik. aku sering mengelupas kulitku sendiri tanpa sadar, dan sulit untuk berhenti, memperburuk keadaan. akhirnya aku memutuskan untuk pergi ke dokter kulit. dokter bilang, hal ini bisa terjadi karena allergen atau iritasi sabun. tapi aku tidak pernah alergi makanan selama ini, dan juga aku memakai sabun yang sama sudah bertahun-tahun. dokter bilang lagi bahwa karena imun yang menurun, bisa jadi lebih sensitif, tapi memang ini jarang sekali disebabkan oleh makanan. hal ini bisa disebabkan juga oleh stress dan pola hidup yang buruk.

setelah konsultasi itu, aku masih tidak mau berpikir bahwa aku stress. aku hanya berpikir bahwa kondisiku sedang sedikit tidak baik, dan aku bisa mengubahnya dengan mengatur makanan, berolahraga, dan tidur yang teratur. aku terus mengatakan itu pada diri sendiri karena aku tidak mau mengatakan bahwa aku stress. tapi usahaku untuk mengubah gaya hidup tidak maksimal, dan aku tetap kembali menyalahkan diri sendiri, dan aku menjadi lebih sensitif terhadap hal-hal kecil yang membuatku kesal, aku lebih mudah marah, tersinggung, dan menangis padahal aku merasa aku tidak sedang ingin menangis. aku sulit tidur, aku tiba-tiba menangis, apalagi ketika melihat langit-langit kamar dan teringat ayah sendiri.

aku merasa aku tidak pantas mengatakan kalau aku stress. aku membuat temanku khawatir sampai dia harus datang dan membersihkan kamar kosku yang berantakan. temanku selalu mengajak melihat sunset setiap sore, juga memastikan aku makan dengan baik. semua dosenku baik, tidak ada yang membuatku sulit. keluargaku semua mendukung, keadaan finansialku baik. aku memiliki teman-teman yang ada untukku setiap saat. aku tidak sendirian sama sekali. jadi aku merasa tidak pantas dan kurang bersyukur, tapi aku juga kesulitan mengendalikan diriku sendiri. ditambah, suatu hari salah satu temanku bilang, 'kamu merasa depresi karena kamu mengamini itu'. padahal dia tidak tahu betapa aku menolak untuk mengatakan aku depresi.

sedikit demi sedikit aku mencoba membuat diriku bahagia. aku pergi ke tempat yang aku inginkan, mencoba makanan yang aku inginkan, dan melupakan diet yang sering membuatku khawatir. aku mencoba lebih sabar dan sering tersenyum. aku meyakinkan diri sendiri dengan mengatakan 'semua akan baik baik saja saat semua ini selesai'. aku selalu percaya bahwa diriku sendiri yang bertanggung jawab atas semua yang aku rasakan, dan hanya aku sendiri yang bisa membuatku merasa lebih baik.

setelah aku melalui semester 7 bulan lalu, kondisiku benar-benar membaik bahkan jika aku tidak meminum obat. terkadang ada luka kecil atau iritasi, karena kulit yang masih sensitif, tapi secara keseluruhan semuanya sangat membaik. tapi, aku takut semester yang akan datang, hal ini akan terjadi lagi. aku yang panik atau kondisi kulit memburuk. aku ingin lebih bijaksana dan bisa mengendalikan diriku sendiri.

bahkan saat menulis ini, aku merasa sedikit menyalahkan diri sendiri karena bereaksi berlebihan dengan penderitaan yang tidak seberapa. aku merasa setiap orang menderita lebih buruk daripada aku. aku sering merasa aku melebih-lebihkan keadaan, dan aku jadi sering menyalahkan diri sendiri. tapi bagaimanapun, mungkin memang aku harus mengutarakan ini dan berdiskusi. jadi aku menulis dan membulatkan tekad untuk bertemu dengan psikolog. tulisannya akan aku update nanti setelah bertemu psikolog.

oh iya, aku menulis ini setelah melanjutkan buku 'i want to die, but i want to eat topokki'. aku merasa, mungkin memang seharusnya aku juga berdiskusi dengan professional untuk membantu mengidentifikasi dan mencegah hal ini terjadi kembali. yah, semoga aku beruntung.

[deobi-scenes]

anti-romantic — bae j.y.

summary | ‘sorry, I'm an anti-romantic I want to run far away. Already, my heart that chases you, burns up in a small flame. - Anti-romantic by TXT’

genre | friendship, youth, fluff

notes | sorry for not being able to post my last two entries for inktober. I was down with a flu these past few days; hopefully I feel so much better now. Will probably catch up on my entries as soon as soon as possible.

———

y/n’s POV

"babyyy, why is the world so mean to me?" I cried while chugging on my fourth bottle of beer.

"I don't know. Maybe you were a demon in your past life." Jacob replied shrugging his shoulders

"at this time, you still managed to annoy me. Wow." I said rolling my eyes at the boy who was obviously having fun seeing my dead-ass drunk state.

We were currently at the back of his car. Drinking beers and just looking at the stars, just like we always did.

I was balling my eyes out because my boyfriend or should I say ex, broke up with me for the second time.

"baby, I told you he isn't good for you."

" thanks for saying that, Captain obvious. I mean, I'm pretty. Everyone wants to be with me and yet he has the audacity to break up with me. TWICE." I said

just then, a wild idea popped in my head.

"baby, let's go get tattoos."

he just raised his eyebrow at me and started picking up the empty beer bottles laying on the ground.

"go, inside."

somehow, we ended up on the tattoo shop that his bandmate, Kevin goes to.

" so what would it be?" the tattoo artist asked us.

We look at each other and giggled.

"pear!" we both shouted

"okay... you're call man." the tattoo said before asking me to sit on the chair.

Jacob and I decided that we would place it on our ribs. One, because I was too afraid to get it elsewhere and second, if he is seen with a tattoo, the management and the fans would go crazy.

After minutes of arguing, I finally persuaded Jacob to go first because I was really afraid.

When it was my turn, just five minutes into the session, I was screaming so loud that Jacob had to hold my hand.

"baby, why didn't you stop me." I cried

"baby, you wanted this remember."

"can I ask you guys something?"

the tattoo artist suddenly spoke making the both of us look at him.

"sure, hit us up dude." Jacob replied

“are.....you guys dating?"

We both bursted into laughter while the tattoo artist stared at us like we're maniacs.

“no, dude. You can take her if you want." he teased

“Really Jacob?” I said rolling my eyes at him. “Well, Hmmmm, how do I explain this. We're not dating nor do have romantic feelings for each other. We're best friends-more like brothers and sisters but not blood related."

"but you call each other..... baby?"

" You know how famous Jacob Bae is. Fans call him all sorts of pet names, babe, baby, angel and all sorts random shits. I got jealous so I joined the trend. Isn't it right baby?"

Jacob only nodded his head in response. Totally buying my answer.

———

Jacob’s POV

"Isn't it right baby?" I nodded my head and looked at the girl who was dead ass drunk but still managed to get a tattoo.

"I'm sorry if I ask too much but seriously, I thought you guys are dating. You look good together."

the artist said making y/n smirk.

"hun, I look good with or without Jacob. But for the record, I never saw myself dating him. I want someone like him but not him, do you get what I mean? Besides, Jacob will rather put me up for auction than date me. Plus, have you seen their fans? They're scary people." She said imitating a tiger.

I chuckled at her depiction and finally her tattoo was done.

" look!"

She excitedly said pulling me towards the mirror and showing me her new tattoo.

" sure you won't regret it anytime soon?"

I asked her knowing that when she gets sober, she will scream her lungs out for the outrageous permanent ink on her body.

"I won't." she said not paying attention and repeatedly touching and wincing in pain.

"pabo.' I said looking at her.

I went over to the cashier and paid the tattoo artist.

"you’re in with love her, don't you?" he suddenly spoke catching me off-guard

"no.....?" he just chuckled at my response and pat my shoulder.

"whatever you say man."

Here's the thing. I do have feelings for y/n but I was afraid that if I blew it up then it would just taint our friendship.

Hence, I made my decision to stay just the way we are now than lose her forever.

[baekhvuns]

the duke and his general.

synopsis : in which seonghwa is the duke you’re arranged to, while you’re the general of the royal army.

pairing : seonghwa x reader

themes : angst, comedy & smut. ( tw : blood / war )

word count : 22k ( part two )

you expected everything to go like this, ever since the two of you shared that night together, you’ve never wanted to see him after. the sheer embarrassment and hurt appalled over you, and you were in a complicated state of mind. 

and that’s when you started to avoid him like a plague, no, literally. 

you’ve been waking up before he can, getting ready and successfully leaving before he could wake up. coming back to your room before he comes, showering and sleeping before you could see him. 

you’ve pretended he doesn’t exist for the past four weeks; never once did you look at him in the eye. head down and a small bow or greeting, you walked right pass him whenever you saw him.

simply because, you can’t do it. 

you busied yourself with the duties and the separate military ones, despite the tension between you and seonghwa, none of your comrades questioned anything if they even noticed. 

it’s not like there hasn’t been more than one instance where you walk in the rooming thinking you were early, only to see seonghwa sitting on his bed, a book in his hands and legs crossed.

you would quickly walk away from his sight and you’re sure a deep sigh rings the room, it’s not as if you would keep avoiding him. it’s just that, what you did was awkward and embarrassing for you. you two have no feelings for each other and thus there is no point in making the marriage work.

plus, as written, it is only a contract that lasts for a few months before ultimately you two break off and he marries someone who actually suits him. 

so, when you walk out the bathroom, you’re immediately pushed to the wall and trapped by none other than seonghwa himself. 

his body emits heat and your jaw ticks, he doesn’t say anything for the first few minutes, and you choose to look away. “will you keep avoiding me?” he finally cracks.

there’s a deafening silence between you two, a warm lump that you swallowed quickly almost makes you cough. when you don’t speak or glance at him, he lifts his hand to your chin and forces you to face him. 

his grip isn’t tight or bruising, just enough to guide your face up so he can look the other in the eye.

“will you not even look at me now?” he whispers, “look at me in the eye when i’m speaking to you.” 

“your highness, it’s almost midnight,” you pause, “we should sleep.” 

“we are not falling asleep till i finish my talk,” he grits out and you finally look him in the eye and sigh. 

he grabs your hand and pulls you to sit on his bed, you bite your lower lip at the memories you had on this bed just a few weeks prior.

your eyes are stuck on the pretty carpet on the floor, the only noise being his steady breathing and your heartbeat beating in your ears. 

he hesitates for a moment, leaving a few beats of silence that makes you swallow multiple times. his own self nervous to speak, seeing how quiet it is.

“do you,” he starts, “like someone else— or are you involved with someone outside our marriage.” he plays with his fingers until you answer, mind whirling up the most ridiculous answers you could potentially reply with.

“no, your highness.” you respond quickly, shaking your head.

“stop calling me that.”

“yes, your highness.”

he exhales loudly and then turns into a more serious stance, “have you ever thought about working this marriage out?”

you bite the insides of your cheek; this was exactly the question you were trying to stray away from.

“i-“ you start, turning your head away from him, to glance outside the window. “we are binded together through a piece of contract, your highness. i don’t think i’ve had a single thought on trying to figure out the marriage to potentially make it work.”

“not even once?” he asks, voice now on a lower pitch.

“. . not even once.” 

you avoid looking his way, eyes tiredly focusing outside the window where rays of sun poured through.  

“but i have,” he cracks, “i’ve thought about making our marriage work, i don’t think we both could survive in a loveless marriage, it’ll only hurt us emotionally.”

“but all you did was start fights, bother me just because you wanted a reaction out of me.” you mutter, and he chuckles a little.

“you were the one who started this thing, i told you, you should marry someone not me!” you tell him, voice not raising from your regular calmer tone. 

“yes, i was the one who created this entire contract thing.” he pauses, “i’ll rip it apart.” 

you swallow thickly at his words and the atmosphere made around you, the way he talks so smoothly has you curling your toes. you’ve always been the authoritative one but hearing his lowered voice has shut your mouth up.

“yes, we’ve had our immature arguments on baseless topics.” he lists, “had differences in tastes, opinions, and the way we think.”

“mostly just you,” you add, “you made me almost loose my mind.” 

he bites his lip to stop him from breaking out in a laugh, the expression on your face not helping him. “okay yes i did, but i want to forget that ever happened, instead we should try and sit down to talk.”

you stare at him with narrowed eyes, pressing your lips together.

“i know this is probably a little shocking to you, but i want to make this marriage work.” he eyes you, “it won’t be easy, but i’d like to take the step further.”

you furrows your eyebrows at him, “what do you mean?”

he abruptly stands up, “let’s start from the beginning, forget the contract.” and extends his hand out to you. “it’ll seize to exist.”

“i’m park seonghwa.” you blink repeatedly at him, who stared at you, waiting.

“-duke of eden, firs-“

“park seonghwa, only.” he corrects you with a smile. 

you stare at his hand and then back to his face, he watches you with a smile and slightly tilts his head. with a small smile, you lift your hand to meet his.

“i.. i’m y/n.” he smiles at that and holds onto your hand.

“then miss y/n, let’s start as friends.” 

“ew.”

“ew?” 

seonghwa stares at you wide eyed, your gaze stuck on the red wine placed on the table. ever since the two of you started being ‘friends’, which you were fairly very awkward at, you’ve actually had a decent chat with him.

he officially showed you around the palace, from his library nooks to the secret passageways connecting to different rooms to his personal office. taking you two the hidden rooms, the ones that showcase the stunning beauty of the sea through the windows.

it had only been two days and you’re actually kind of enjoying this, it is still awkward but nonetheless it’s a step further to making this marriage work.

“you don’t drink?”

“you do?” you ask him, lifting your eyes to glance at the apricot hued horizon. 

the two of you were sitting in the balcony that connected to your room, it was almost nightfall, and the entire kingdom was lit up. you could see everything from the secluded space you two had, the small markets, houses, and parliamentary buildings all had their lights turned on.

“should we play a game?” he suggests, resting his arms on the armrest.

“let’s get to know each other through questions,” you hum once again and this time you feel his eyes on you. 

“go on, your highness.” 

he chuckles, “okay then general, how long have you been in the army?” 

you press your lips in a firm line, remembering. “hm, for as long as i can remember, maybe when i was twelve? dad used to teach me a lot, unofficially at twelve and then officially at eighteen.” 

he nods, impressed and sips on is wine. “that’s quite interesting, you’ve spent almost your entire childhood serving here huh?”

you smile, “i have,”

“do you regret it?”

“not one bit.” 

he smiles, “i remember seeing you as a teen,” he pauses to remember. “with a hard stare and a small badge you had on your chest.”

you tick your eyebrow up in surprise, “i do too, just occasional glances at you, wherever you were, i was too.”

“how about you, your highness.” you ask this time, and he turns to look at you. “how many proposals have you rejected before accepting this one?”

he raises an eyebrow at your question, no in malice but in amusement. “if you count every kingdom including empire, and a few from outside then around, uh, seventeen?”

your eyes grow wide at his answer, “seventeen? that’s quite a lot.” 

he nods, “how about you, i’ve heard that your mother tried to set you up with a few nobles.”

you snort, grabbing the wine from the table to your surprise and seonghwa’s. “I didn’t want to get married, and all the ones she choose were just not my type.” you cringe, “all i remember is their mothers wanting me to quit working here.”

he smirks, eyes falling from your eyes to the nose bridge and then to your lightly tinted lips. “can’t imagine you with one of those flimsy guys,” he lets out and you squint your eyes at him.

“what? you almost punched me!” he retorts, “and made me kneel to you!” you shake your head at his whining.

“you asked for both of them.” 

he shakes his head and then continues, “how many wars or even battles have you fought?”

you bring your knees to your chest as your eyes peer out the horizon, “i think three wars? one for ecuador and the other two with elias-“

“ah, that useless one.” he lets out a quiet gasp as he drinks the wine.

“yeah,” you continue, “and then the battles eden has had, some smaller stuff.” you pause.

“i’ve honestly forgotten how many i have fought,” you say as the wind sifts through your hair and seonghwa finds purchase in staring at you.

“do you have any scars?” he asks, feeling a smile curl up on his lips. 

“plenty,” you laugh, remembering the one on your thigh, back, neck and right under your lip. you’re proud of them, because you’ve earned every bit of them by fighting for your kingdom’s protection. 

“what do you even do?” you break in and ask, “aside from cornering girls that is.” 

he laughs at your question and your heart rate quickens, “well, i handle all my father’s work, he’s going to step down soon so i have to follow his footsteps.” 

“accompanying him at travels, visit the town once in a while, make sure everything’s been done correctly with no errors.”  

“and then sign a bunch of documents for eden, then repeat.”

you nod, reaching forward to grab the wine glass he had just lifted and bring it your lips to gulp it down. 

his wide eyes watch you, “why did you want to make this marriage work, you know, considering how adamant you were about that contract?”

he seems to glance of at the scenery, thinking about the question. “i don’t think i’d wanted get married again,” he looks at you. “after the months that are over, that is.”

“i didn’t want marriage because i was, let’s say, scared.” he pauses, “which made me reject everyone.” 

you nod slowly, “i’ve seen how some weddings have ended and, the ones i’ve heard growing up. it was scary but to think about it, y’know?”

he lets out a loud exhale, “i didn’t want to take the risk for it.” 

you nod slowly, “did you eventually wanted to get married? seeing, you’ll be taking the crown in a matter of months.”

he hums, “at one point i did, i wanted a marriage, just not a bad one.” you snort. 

“yet you were trying to make it a bad one,” you say, and he laughs, nodding.

“did you want this?” he asks, and you pause. 

“not like this,” you sip the wine, remembering how this all started. “i wanted simple love, where the two of us live by the seashore and grow old together.”

“have kids at some point and live a simple life, but this, is totally opposite that.” 

he smiles, “i mean to let you know, i have a palace near the seashor-“

“no thanks.” you interrupt him, closing your eyes.

“ah there’s a question i want to ask,” you hum, asking him to continue. “what impresses you?”

“a lot of things actually,” you pique, licking your lips. 

he grins, stretching his arms forward before slyly putting it behind the frame of the couch, behind you. “i’m not the one who usually shows off but i own the country if that impresses you?”

you stare at him blankly, “i’m good.” he nods, bringing his arms back to him. 

you two then stare off into the horizon, enjoying the comfortable silence. the wind blowing onto your faces, warm yet cool. a series of relaxed sighs would leave you too from time to time and you spared him some glances.  

you could see the way his face had no flaws, perfect skin and face. your eyes then stare at his plumpy lips, quickly looking away before he could catch you.

“do you want kids?” he suddenly asks, and you chuckle, he grinned, it felt good hearing you laugh. 

“at some point, of course.” you cradle your face on your palm, “do you?”

you see his face break out in a bright smile, “of course! i’ve always loved kids, they’re so cute and little and just happy all the time!”

you hum, “you know they cry loudly, poo everywhere and won’t let you sleep at night?”

he turns to face you, “still cute.”

you shake your head and then tie your hair up, then you stand up after a few beats of silence. with a small wave at seonghwa you walked inside, leaving the man alone. 

“i’ll see you tomorrow, seonghwa.”

he nods and then stops dramatically. “did you just call me by my name!?”

“it’s your first visit home after our marriage, isn’t it?” you nod, a smile gracing your lips while your eyes glance around your town.

“uh huh,” you say as one of the doors to your house opens, revealing all your aunts and uncles with arms wide open.

you laugh nervously and lean over to seonghwa who’s already waving his hand at them beautifully, “okay, just behave and act like my nice husband for ten seconds and they’ll be gone.” 

he smiles as you walk past him, and he follows with his hands folded behind his back. 

once you two enter your house, all your relatives seemed to be lined up with big smiles on their faces. “how lovely.” you tightly smiled, and he snorts beside you.

and then your eyes meet your aunts who stare between you and the man standing beside you, clearing your throat you introduce him.

“everyone,” you phase to give seonghwa a look, “this is seonghwa, my husband.”

seonghwa feels his heart swell, a never-ending cheeky smile on his face and the though of you calling him ‘my husband’ for the first time thrills him.

he goes forward to greet them while his eyes meet yours from time to time, and that’s when you notice he’s mouthing the seconds to you.

“ten,” he greets your uncles, “nine.” aunts.

“eight and seven,” when near your cousins.

“six, five and four-“ when he stops beside your father and gives him a salute, to which your dad chuckles at, very surprisingly.

you find yourself snorting at seonghwa, however your eyes follow every movement of his. the smile that reveals his pearly whites, he turns his head to whisper “three and two.” and you nod.

the shiny eyes of his when he talks to your brother and laugh at something he said, which makes you think it was your brother exposing you.

once he’s done greeting everyone, they all start to slowly leave and seonghwa finds his arms around your waist, shooting butterflies in your stomach as he jerks you closer to him. 

“you can let go now,” you say, eyes on that one aunt who isn’t leaving. “they’re all gone.”

the next few hours were perhaps the most weirdest ones, seonghwa had seemed to befriend your mother in a jiffy while your brother wiggles his eyebrows at you for anything seonghwa does that impresses you family even more. 

“stop it, sehun.” you stick your tongue out at him while walking to help your mother with the dinner.

“ahh, did you see all your relatives gush over him?” the minute you enter, your mother corners you.

you scoff, “i did,” and pause, your relatives sure did seem too interested in him more than you.   

“they’re probably going to ask him to divorce me for their dau-“ you didn’t even get the chance to finish your sentence because your very own mother hit you with a green onion.

“why would seonghwa ever do that?” she glares, and you almost laugh out loud, spilling the beans of the contract you two had. 

“both of you look great together,” you turn to your mom, leaning your back on the counter so that the kitchen entrance is in your viewpoint. “the way he looks at you, it’s all visible!”

you’re about to retort back that you see seonghwa standing at the door, you urge him to come in, but he places a finger on his lips, as if to not talk. you squint your eyes at him but agree anyways.

your mother who seems absolutely oblivious to the situation opens her big mouth, “just give me the baby news already! i want to be a grandma before i die.” 

your wide eyes immediately land on seonghwa’s, his eyebrows shoot up to his forehead while your mother rants about wanting to see more grandkids.

“your oldest child has two, mom, twins at that.” you refer to your older sister, and her two devil of kids.

you see how his lips form a smirk, his head nodding to everything your mom talks about. he then uses his two fingers to poke his cheeks, eyes shiny and wide as he bobs his head.

“i don’t think you’ll hear that news soon,” you say, eyes still on him. 

he tilts his head and mouths a, “why not?”

“why not?” your mother asks, “you both would be lovely parents.” and seonghwa nods.

“seonghwa wouldn’t want them.” you narrow your eyes at him, “we haven’t discussed anything yet.”

he leans on the door frame and lifts his hands up, “how many do you think you want?” your mother asks, and you just want to leave the room already.

seonghwa jumps in his spot to get your attention, hands waving at you frantically, your eyes travel from your mother to his. 

he lifts one, two, three, four and five of his fingers, your eyes widen in shock.

“five?!” you yell out loud, making your mother flinch. 

“you want five kids?” your mother questions you with shock and seonghwa nods with a teasing smile before leaving the room, leaving you to deal with her.

“i- no!” with that you glared out the door, sparing your mother a glance before walking out to find him.

the rest of the night was everyone having fun, seonghwa making everyone laugh while your brother and mother spade you amused glances whenever they’d him talk. 

when the visit was over, you wave to your family with big smiles, your hands carried random gifts your mother prepared for you and seonghwa. 

the two of you walk back to the car prepared for you, arms and shoulders brushing each other’s, all on purpose, as you walk back in silence.  

“today was fun,” he says, cheeks heating up at the memory of few moments prior. “i like your family.”

you find yourself smiling too, “it was, they loved you.”

he snorts, “who wouldn’t.” 

you roll your eyes and walk faster, leaving a whining seonghwa behind. he runs after you as you keep walking with a smile, and a totally different reason to why your heart was beating so rapidly.

once the two of you sat down in the cars, you lean back in the seat and close your eyes. a sigh escapes your lips, and you get comfortable in your seat, the ride back to the palace was a long one and getting a nap was what you wanted.

seonghwa does the same, but before he shuts his eyes, he leans down to press his lips against your cheeks, your eyes shoot open at that and he smiles against your skin. 

he then brushes his lips against your ear, “one and zero.”

your eyes blinked at the flash, so bright and blinding. eyes focusing on the room containing a man standing behind the big camera, a big smile on his face as he jumped around. 

“just tilt your head to the side,” he instructs, and you feel seonghwa tilt his head towards you, his gaze roaming your side profile.

“was this necessary,” you ask, pressing your lips in a tight smile as you lifted your hand to neatly place on his chest. 

head facing the front with a smile that could only be called fake, “traditions, y/n, traditions.” he hums bringing you closer by your waist.

family portraits were one of the things every family had to do, to ensure that the future generations knew who the heirs, couples, kids and kings and queens were.

this is what you two were doing, dressed in matching clothes as the man in front of you snapped pictures with his vintage camera.

you find yourself fully paying attention to the camera man that, you almost don’t feel a hand creeping up your back. “what?” you whisper-yelled, looking over your shoulder.

“nothing,” he responds with a grin, “focus on the camera.” fingers drawing circles on your back, going up with each one.

you’re now sat beside him, shoulders touching intentionally and the heat of his body radiating to you. instinctively you lean towards him, both your heads tilt and a smile forms over your lips. 

and then you feel his fingers start to dwindle with your zipper, you stiffen. side eyeing his face that’s bright and happily smiling, one hand neatly placed on your thigh while the other is flat in your back.

“seonghwa,” you warn the man, who only responds with a hum in a singing tone that made your heartbeat fasten.

“yes, sweetheart.” he lowers his chin to place on your shoulder, and you swallow staring at the man ahead who only showed a thumbs up with both of his hands.

“this isn’t the right place to-“ you bite on your tongue when you feel him unzip your dress from the back, slowly, while he nuzzles his cheeks into yours and you break out into a smile.

“everything is a right place if you make it,” he hushes you. slowly unzipping your dress and you shiver when the cold air hits your back, his long and slim fingers caress your skin softly.

his fingertips are hot against your skin and you fight the urge to not stare at him, because you feel that stare, he does. the one where his eyes grow darker, and a glint of playfulness covers him. 

you feel his breathe hit your neck and you turn your head to him, “we can’t, the man’s right the-“

he interrupts you by placing his feverish lips on your cheek, your eyes wide in surprise while the camera man squeals something about the right pose. 

seonghwa’s lips form into a boyish grin, his dark hair cover his eyes and it makes him more enticing. you swallow once again, looking ahead as your cheeks start to get warmer.

one thing he loved to do was, to see your reaction to his touch. he loved the way you twitch out of embarrassment when he touches you or avoid his holds when you’re surrounded by people and he’s sure that it effects you as much as it does to him.

he then wraps a hand around your shoulder, a hand reaching out to gently run through your hair. he hears you inhale shakily and turns his gaze to the front.

eyeing the man in front of him, he cocks up an eyebrow at the man who timidly, yet hastily bows and leaves the room. not before tripping over a few wires on his way out. 

the second the doors shut; it doesn’t take seonghwa a second to pin you on the red couch. you let out a small noise of surprise when he brings your arms above your head.

you can’t control the breathy exhale your lips leave, he dips his face closer to yours and his eyes, filled with every emotion that could possibly decipher lust, desire and playfulness. 

“seonghwa,” you mutter, shakily. eyes frantically searching the room because anyone could walk in, at any given time.

“y/n...” he whispers, lips quirking up into a smirk and he lowers his head down to just inches away from your lips. 

“that’s the thrill baby,” he doesn’t let you speak more as he smashes his lips against yours, a moan leaves your lips seconds later and he presses his lips against yours even more.

his hands run down your curves, up and down as one of them makes its way to your back. 

both your eyes are shut close, lips moulding into each other’s such such finesse that it has him letting out a groan. lips parting for air, tongues crashing as you two moan breathily in unison.

you rake a hand to cup his cheek and his hand that rests on your back, brings the straps of your dress down your shoulders. leaving it up just enough so he can see your cleavage and the goosebumps that come with.

he grabs onto your waist firmly, arching your back to him and he slows down the kiss, turning it more sensual and rhythmic before parting away completely all sloppy and wet and soft.

his lips then hover over the shell of your ear, “won’t you make those pretty noises for me?” he mumbles between kisses he places down your neck, nuzzling his nose into your hair while doing so.

“hm?” he quirks, “i want to hear every single one of those noises, i want everyone to hear them.” 

his tongue flees out his mouth and he licks a circle over the small skin, you let out a tiny mewl and grip his white shirt.

“be louder, baby,” you moan louder when he bites down on your skin. “i want everyone to know how good i make you feel.”

you squirm under him when you feel him suck harshly, mouth hung open in silent cry. his other hand trails down to bunch up your dress over your waist, fingers gingerly lingering over your inner thighs. 

“h-hwa,” you let out a broken whine and he stops all together and then looks into your eyes and it has you gushing with arousal, you’re sure he can feel the heat as his hand rests closer to your underwear.

“what did you say?” he whispers, and you can only stare back in response before he pecks your lips again. “say that again, baby.”

you part your lips when he grinds on you, “hwa,” when he hears you repeat it, he swears he’s never liked that name so much in life.

and you assume he likes it when you call him that, of course he does, it makes him swallow and he feels his cock harden in his pants.

when he looks into your eyes, hooded and full of lust it as him forgetting just who you are and what you could do to him.

his eyes go down to your lips that you’re biting while staring at him with curiosity, his fingers toy with the band on your underwear as he stares at you poking your tongue out.

you see how his swollen lips form into a smile, his eyes this time not only showing desire but something... else you can quite comprehend.

you mirror his smile, but it falters into a loud moan when he slips his fingers under your band and brushes against your pussy, your mouth falls open and he closes it with his lips.

you feel them feverishly trail down your neck and then to your collarbones, while his fingers slip in and out of you. “god, you’re so wet.” he groans against your lips.

your legs spread wide open when he lazily drops your underwear lower, he watches you shiver but only responds by sucking on your skin, marking you with his creation.

you let out moans that can only be described as high pitched, and almost borderline pornographic. he hums and groans against you, letting out moans of his own. 

you exhale his name out loudly and he brings his lips to connect with yours once again, you grind yourself to his fingers while he bites down on your lower lip.

“are you close?” he asks, speeding his fingers down your clit, curling around your g-spot so perfectly that it has you rolling your eyes and head back. 

you can only moan in response, wailing your head to the side as he fastens his speed. bunching up your dress higher and you feel the cold hit your skin, he nuzzles into your neck while shamelessly numbing “good girl” “that’s my baby” “hm, who’s are you?” to which you’d respond with his. 

once you let out a loud cry of his name it hushes you with his lips, mumbling for you to “come on my fingers,” and you do as he says, wrapping your arm around his shoulder.

he then tilts his head, bringing the same fingers that he had in you seconds ago to his mouth. he swirls his tongue around them, and you moan just at the look of that, he then brings those fingers to your lips.

and you wrap your mouth around them, sucking on them as your spit mixes with his. he holds back a growl when he sees how your eyes meet when you swirl your tongue around his fingers, he feels his cock twitch when your eyes roll back.

he ignores the faint noise of the door clicking and lowers his lips to your clothed chest. he feels your boobs all hard and perky and lulls his head back to hold himself in. 

he moves his lips to the strap of your dress; his teeth graze the fabric of the top and bites onto it lightly. your hand takes through his hair and he hums in delight.

his intense eyes stare into yours while he brings down the top of your dress, slowly unraveling your naked chest and he growls looking into your eyes. 

the corner of his lips rises, and he licks his lower lip, pointing his tongue out at your nipple. he’s just about to touch it but a loud cracking nose interrupts you two, your wide eyes stare into his, in panic.

completely forgetting your surroundings, seonghwa lifts his eyes to see where the crash came from and cocks his eyebrow up.

“god damnit, san, that was ancestral.” 

your fingers tighten against his shirt when you hear the familiar name, hiding your face into his neck in sheer embarrassment as your cheeks heat up.

“sorry,” you hear his response, almost strained.

“what’re you doing here?” seonghwa asks, he feels you tighten your grasp against his shirt, and he softly caresses your skin.

“i-,” the said man chokes up, eyes wandering everywhere except the two. 

but he’s already seen it, him on top of you, your moans being pathetically loud and pretty. 

he’s also equally shocked and turned on at the same time, he watches you just seconds prior arching your body up to the duke as your lips parted in ecstasy. 

you feel seonghwa hum against you and he turns to look at you, “trust me,” he places his lips onto your again and you smile slightly.

“how much did you watch?” seonghwa asks the man once again, this time sitting up and you cover yourself, but he stops you. 

his fingers graze your hardened nipples, and you hiss lowly, swallowing as your gaze is stuck on his side. 

“just a little,” san lets out, suddenly finding the floor extremely interesting. 

seonghwa caresses your waist and you lift yourself on your elbows, finally sparing san a glance. 

he stands in a corner, hands folded in front of him making the tent he’s hiding very obvious. 

you eye seonghwa and he smirks, “well then, what’re you waiting for? join us.” 

“w-what,” you and san blink at the man, making swallow and look at san, who had two toned hair.

san’s eyes meet yours briefly before they flicker back to seonghwa who shrugs his shoulders, “i’m sure you had a reason to stay and watch,” he mutters, standing up.

san’s eyes finally fall over yours for a few minutes longer, he sees your red dress bunched up to your waist, your hair tousling over one another and how your boobs peeked out the dress. 

he’d never think he’d see his general like this, and he thinks he quite likes it. 

he swallows when seonghwa lifts two of his fingers for him to come further, and he hesitantly takes step forward not before giving you a glance.

you nod and slowly perch yourself up, legs spread open to a distance, revealing everything to the man’s vision.

you weren’t oblivious to the stares the man would give you, sometimes those that linger longer than before. 

you have confronted him about it on a drunk nigh when he revealed his crush on you, you laughed it off and told him “there will be a much better person for you to be with.”

but it seems as if his fantasies had caved him in, when he heard you and seonghwa going at it just as he walked the hallways. he thinks it really was god’s wish when he decided to peek in.

seonghwa gives you a glance, as if asking you if that was okay. you nod slowly, and he goes to lean on the wall opposite you.

“san,” you call out and he lifts his head up, eyes wide like a deer. “come here.” 

he does what you say and stops when he’s standing between your legs, seonghwa clears his throat from the back.

“no kiss on the lips.”

you tilt your head to the side, meeting your hair fall over your shoulders prettily and it makes san bite his lips.

“only once san,” you say, “i know you want it, so here i am.”

“go on,” you and seonghwa say together.

he watches you with wide eyes, “are you sure?” you nod, tucking your leg to the side and it’s the way something in him awakens and he places his knee in-between your legs. 

he cups your jaw and lowers his lips to chastely kiss your cheek, “then i will follow every order my general gives me.” 

you don’t miss the way his eyes darken at that, and the way seonghwa taps his feet.

you smile when he hides his face in your hair, lips grazing your neck and you shiver when his lips touch the sweet spot right under your ear.

he places his lips softly over your skin, humming as he inhaled your scent. he already knows the marks done on your neck are by seonghwa, but it doesn’t stop him from sucking on your skin, to create his own mark on you.

you breath shakily when his knee moves closer to your center, his hand cupping your jaw while the other travels down to hold onto your boobs. 

he stifles back a moan of his down when your lips touch his cheek, his hands knead and squish the soft skin of your breasts. 

your lips let out broken whines that has him riling, he harshly sucks on your neck and you don’t stop the airy “san,” that leaves your lips, and he stops all together, when he feels your leg wrapping around his knee.

his eyes glance at your lips and you raise your eyebrow at him, lulling your head back, puckering your lips as if taunting him to touch him with his own.

he smirks but only dips his head lower to your breast and you whine when he moulds his mouth over your bud, circling his tongue all over and coating it with his saliva.

he sucks and hums against your sensitive nipple while you let out strangled moans that has his cock hardening in his pants. 

it’s only then when he finally looks up, the distance between you two barely any. he stares at your lips and his lips let out a mewl, he wants to taste you but the man standing behind with daggers in his eyes make him think otherwise.

“san,” your voice fills his ears, and he looks up, “kiss me.” 

you jut your chin to his, eyes challenging him to kiss you. his hand tightens around your jaw, “y/n...” 

as much as he wants to fulfil your wish, and his. he knows seonghwa would get mad, but the way you’re looking at him, puckering your lips to his.

he thinks, it’s a once in life chance.

san looks over his shoulders and sees seonghwa leaning against the wall, arms crossed.

san then looks over at you, and then back at seonghwa and mutters a. “sorry, seonghwa.” although not really sorry.

before crashing his lips onto yours, you gasp when he does so but it turns into a muffled moan. his tongue barely touches yours that he’s yanked off from you, your chest heaves up and down while seonghwa straightens the man.

asking him to leave, and so he does.

you feel seonghwa stare at you fixing your dress up, when you do stand up he grabs the back of your neck and slams his lips to yours.

“i told him not too,” he says between the kisses, using his tongue to swipe across your lips softly and you smile.  “mine, you understand that?” 

he pulls away and looks at you, “i’ll be right back.” 

“where?” you ask.

“i’ve to deal with san.” 

“when did that happen?” 

“i don’t know, all i know is we have to hurry because everyone is already there!” you stand there looking at seonghwa run around the room, flinging his tuxedo and tie on the bed while running gel through his hair.

when he dramatically pauses to look at you, “what, go get ready.” he walks to you, dressed in his silk pyjamas that fit him loosely.

“unless you want me to dress you?” he quirks up an eyebrow, bringing you to him by the use of his arm. “hm?” 

you smack his arm away, walking to where your clothes were as he panics in the background while you take your sweet time to pick out your stuff.

when you find yourself all dressed, seonghwa leans on the canopy bed frame watching you struggle to put a piece of earring in your ear.

he watches you lean over the vanity, curves on display in the black and white dress, your red lips mumbling some cursing which he finds unusually hot. 

a small frown on your face as you struggle with the earrings he brought, he pushes himself off and comes to stand right behind you. your back flush against his towering self, he holds onto your wrist, gently refraining you.

he grabs onto the earring and places it on the vanity, you watch him do so through the mirror. the strangely intimate atmosphere quickened the speed of your heart, his fingers fondle with your hair, eventually covering the ear without the accessory.

he then holds onto your forearms and squishes his cheek into yours, “you’re hot.” shifting his hands to your waist, which he squeezes slightly. 

your lips break out into a smile and grab his hands, turning around you wrap your arms around his neck. 

with a giggle you don’t know what comes over you, that you place a peck on his lips. “thank you mr. park, you’re not bad yourself.”

“thank you mrs. park, now, shall we?” he suddenly lowers his voice to a british accent and you pretend to fake a gasp, “of course.”

you two leave in laughter and return back tired, or more so you leaning on seonghwa’s shoulder while he supports you. giggling at some joke he said that has the two of you laughing loudly in the otherwise quiet palace. 

he asks if you’re tired and you nod against his shoulder, he smiles because in the end of the day, he knows you have a tiring job. how you’re so uptight and working with your entire body and brain, he loves that you’re like this with him.

comfortable, he likes the sound of that, a lot. 

it’s the only time he’s dared to run a hand through your hair, poke your cheek, make you laugh, tickle you, and then pick you up.

he knows you’re too tired to protest, and you give in. head laid on his chest and arms wrapped around his neck, he mumbles a few jokes softly in a attempt for you to keep awake.

every giggle or chuckle you let out has his heart beating and cheeks warming up, he looks down at you, nuzzling into his chest with a smile on your face. 

“stay awake for me y/n,” he hums, and you somehow nod through a sleepy phase.

when he enters the room, he walks straight to the bathroom. placing you onto the toilet seat while he goes to grab your pyjamas, when he returns, he sees you perching your head on the counter.

hair covering half your face and your eyes shut, he works quickly and comes to kneel by you. 

timidly he reaches out to brush your hair to the side, smiling at your cheek squishing against the counter he holds onto your face and taps your cheeks.

“wake up y/n,” he mutters, “baby?” 

you let out a whine when stands up, one hand interlinked with yours while the other uses a cotton swab with a remover on it to bring it to your face.

“close your eyes for me,” he settles himself between your legs, holding your chin as he wipes off all the makeup in one go. 

he then asks you to stand up and wash your face, you do as he says with closed eyes and he watches you with a worried glance when you stumble to the sink, washing your face successfully.

with a gasp from your lips, he plops you on the counter. smiling widely when you wrap your arms around his waist and it has butterflies erupting in his stomach, he likes this a lot. 

he likes the feeling of this solace, just you two alone in a warm atmosphere on a dark night, where it’s quiet, and the lightings comforting. when he slips out some puns and you whine in response, when he’s about to grab a little lotion, you ask him to wash his face too.

confused he does it nonetheless and you grab two out some lotion on your hands, “thank you for doing this hwa,” you mumble lazily, tapping the lotion in dots over his face before rubbing them across.

“it’s nothing,” he responds, puckering his lips when your fingers brush his lips. 

he repeats the same thing as you and then shoves you your set of pyjamas he bought recently, but instead of grabbing them you raise your arms, eyes closed and a smile on your face.

“what?” you say, “didn’t think i’d be like this?” 

he shakes his head with a smile before coming in closer to tie your hair up, he smirks at the proximity and it’s as if you can feel him smirking you slap his chest, and he feigns a pained groan.

he presses his lips gently on the apples of your cheek before backing away, “do you want me to change you?” you nod.

“what’s there to hide anyways,” you mumble lowly, “you’ve seen it all.” 

he hums in acknowledgment, grabbing the top and then draping it over you but not buttoning it fully. then, he reaches underneath the shirt to lift down your straps, making sure it’s comfortable enough when it’s all the way down.

you button the rest of your shirt up and wear your pants, not realizing the matching pyjamas you walk out the room and head for the couch.

“where are you going?” he interrupts, fixing the blanket right as he walks out.

“bed,” you point to the couch, making your way towards it but you’re pulled by the back of your collar to meet with seonghwa’s towering front. 

he dips his head to your ear, “but that’s your bed.” he nods towards the one he sleeps at and you swallow. 

“come,” he ushers you onto the soft bed and he walks to the other side. 

“will you be sleeping on the couch then?” you ask he and stops, “no? why would i, this is our bed.”

he stops, “we sleep here, together.” 

“-flip it like that— yeah, that’s it!” you yell, holding onto jongho’s arm with force. 

the man whines beside you and you stifle out a laugh, “why do you always pick on me,” he says, pouting.

“i’m not picking on you ho, you learn things quicker than others.” you explain, moving his arm to the right, “so you can help others understand better, when i’m not there.”

“so what you’re saying is, i take your position after you retire and whatever?” you smack the back of his head lightly and he once again whines.

“oh, where’s san?” you ask, motioning jongho to copy what you were doing.

“he’s-“ he pauses to take a breathe, “he’s gone back to eros, something came up about some people missing into thin air.”

you frown, “that’s weird,” telling jongho to take a break.

“you know what’s weirder? seeing your husband stand there looking at me as if he’ll kill me.” jongho points his finger at the man leaning on the column.

when you turn your head to him, he immediately straightens himself and you realize he’s in his pyjamas, hair all fluffy, eyes shinning and his cheeks puffy.

“he really woke up early to watch you practice?” hongjoong teases from the side and you smirk, shrugging your shoulders.

“mayhaps,” tossing your weapons to the side you bid them all a bye and an good morning before running to seonghwa.

a smile graces your lips when his eyes brighten, his arms are widespread, and you link yours with his. “let’s get you back to bed,” you mutter, dragging his sleepy yet clingy self back to your chambers.

you realize that this wasn’t the first time he’s woken up early to come and watch you practice, and whenever you’d ask him why his response only made your insides flip.

“why do you come to watch us practice every day?”

he’d grin and wrap his arms around you like a bear, “because the bed isn’t warm without you,” you’d laugh at his attempts to keep you by him whenever you had to leave.

sometimes during the dark hours of night, when the field is only illuminated by torches. seonghwa waits for you to finish the last off, two drinks in his hands, fresh and cold. 

when you’re done, the two of you walk to the roof of the castle. a balcony only the two of you use that showcases the entirety of the kingdom, with drinks in your hands, sitting on the wall with your feet hanging off in air.

chatting away about really anything, sharing glances that were not so awkward anymore. the breeze up high would be so fast, that the two of you have almost fell. 

poking each other where you’re ticklish the most, seonghwa sitting with his back faced in between your legs while you played with his hair. or when he’d grab those same hands and bring them to his lips, mumbling something that’d make you laugh.

in the matter of months, the relationship between you two had completely flipped. 

it’s as if you two know almost anything about each other, what makes you smack him, what makes you laugh, the jokes, the massages, and the spontaneous trips you two take in the middle of the night on your horses.

this one time when he had marched into your office, hands full of chips and other food. 

you lift your head up from the amount of paper works scattered on your desk, “oh? seonghwa, do you need anything?” you ask the man standing at your doorstep, a pout formed on his lips.

he’s standing there wearing his pyjamas that only he looks good in, you throw your pen away and lean back on your chair, crossing your arms.

he walks in with his hands placed by his waist, cheeks puffed. “why do you not pay attention to me?” he asks, and you have to stop yourself from cooing at him.

“i told you, there’s a few problems at the borders,” you pause to look at his face. “i need to finish a few paper works.”

“but you’ve been busy all week,” he lifts his hand up, “one, you’re always on the fields outside.” he brings down a finger.

“and then you loudly yell the marching chants that make me flinch!” he whines, and you laugh at his words.

“really? am i that loud?” you ask him, and he nods.

he suddenly stands up and does a aggressive salut, “soldiers!” he imitates your tone, “in line now, if you don’t get in the line, thirteen laps around the palace!” 

you laugh at the way he’s marching back and forth, imitating the scared looks of your soldiers whenever they have to run or when you yell at them.

or when you would walk in during evening to see him sitting on his bed, deep in thought. you pause, “are you alright?” you question, and he finally lifts his head up.

“no,” he responds.

you frown, “no?” 

he hums with a pout, and you walk near him and kneel down to his level, wondering what exactly had happened for him to be sitting all alone. 

“no,” he pauses, “but a kiss can help.”

you smack his knee and get up but he grabs your wrist and turns you to him, your body falls on him and he holds onto your waist as you two fall back slowly.

“please,” he pouts, puckering his lips and you laugh. shaking your head and then placing a small peck but he takes the chance to deepen it.

and considering how close you two have gotten, and the level of comfort thats between you two. 

seeing that, you and him have done it almost everywhere in the palace.

it usually ends up with you two being borderline caught by some older advisors who roam the halls often.

the ball party was where it all first started. 

“where- seonghwa the guests, they’re waiting!” 

“baby, i couldn’t care less about those guests,” he backs you up against the door, “i want to hear you, right now.” 

he’d growl and bunches up your dress, asking you to hold it while he traces his fingers over the lacy panties you had worn. 

you’d shiver when he would part the fabric to the side, feel his hot breath over your pussy before he’d dive his tongue in you. 

lapping, swirling and circling all over your clit, gathering all the juices you’d spill out, and using his tongue at different speeds. he’d hold onto your thighs, one leg over his shoulder and his mouth doing wonders. 

while your head was thrown back and your mouth was letting out breathy and airy moans of his names that you’re sure someone would hear. 

but that won’t stop him from using his slim and long fingers to curl up inside you, his face hidden in your neck while he fingered your already sensitive clit.

he’d place soft kisses over your neck while moaning your name out, you’d shut your eyes tightly when he would start to nibble on your earlobe and quickening his pace on your pussy. 

“that’s my good girl,” he groans against you, slowing down the speed of his fingers that’d only have you crying his name out in pleasure.

the hallways.

“i hate you so much,” you say between your laughs and he cages you between his arms, grabbing your hands to put them above your head.

“do you now?” he closes the distance between you two, “that’s not what you say when you’re screaming my name, hm?” 

your lips break out into a smile when he placed his softer ones on yours, he himself enjoying the bond you two had.

“you know if we keep doing this,” you gasp, “you’ll be a father in no time.”

he smirks, nuzzling into your neck. “you finally understood my intentions?”

his free hand moves down to grip your waist, and you whine when he does so, nibbling on your lower lip, swiping his tongue over your lips. 

the sound of lips smacking against one another rings the empty hallway, teeth clashing and muffled moans the two of you cry out in unison.

you move your hands to wrap around his neck, and his places his hands on the curve of your ass. pushing you to the wall while he weighs onto you, you would be daring enough to bite his lip which would have him tighten the grip on your ass.

your fingers play with with his hair, tugging on them which would have him humming against your lips. you two would only part away when the sound of footsteps start to come closer.

hurriedly pushing each other away and fixing your clothes and making a run for it to the other side of the palace, laughing and giggling over the thrill of being caught.

then there was the time when you would push him against the mirror, cupping his cheek and smashing your lips onto his. or when he would fiddle with your dress straps only to start placing feathery kisses up your neck, grabbing your chest and squeezing them through the fabric.

or when you’d take off his shirt and climb over him, hands grazing his stunning built yet large and lean body. straddling his waist while sucking on his skin, leaving your own mark on him.

where he would throw his head back, hands gripping your ass as you slowly grind over him. his lips would part, and low and deep moans would leave his mouth, you would bite your lips and start to move faster.

his eyebrows would touch, and he would bite his lips, you’d him against his skin, using your tongue and curling, twirling and swirling over his neck.

it would lead him to trail his hands under your shirt, glancing at you and then letting out a mewl when you hadn’t worn your bra, his larger hands coming to cup them. 

his fingers graze your hardened nipples, tweaking and rolling it while squeezing and kneading your perky doubles. and then trailing his hands down your stomach and under your pants, then he would flip you over and overtake you.

“you’re so wet,” he would coo in your ear and you’d nod, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders. your own moan would follow when he’d curl his fingers around a particular bundle of nerves. 

your head would fall back on the bed, “all for me, hm? y/n, all for me?”

“f-for you,” you’d let out when the heat in you became unbearable and you came.

and that’s when you heard something you’ve never thought you would, “god, i love you so much y/n.” 

your head would fall back, chest heaving up and down heavily and your heart beating for an entirely different reason.

the next time you two are together was when he had to go away for a few days, you were extensively busy coming up with problems to fix the conflict that’s been looming over you. 

it was during nighttime when you had finally walked to your room, plopping onto your bed like a star fish. just as you try to close your eyes, a particular voice made a smile creep up your lips.

“hey,” seonghwa jumps onto the bed, making your body jump slightly. you lift open your eyes and see his face right above yours, a cheeky smile on his pink lips. 

“you’re back,” you mutter lowly, lifting your hands to cup his face. “how was the trip?”

he puckers his lips in a pout, “you’re not going to ask how i am?” he grabs your hand and brings it to his hair, and you start to play with them, he hums happily.

“okay, seonghwa,” you chuckle, “how are you?”

“i missed you,” he mumbles, “a lot.” 

he lowers his face, puckering his lips like a fish. “your smile, your lips, your laugh and you, i missed you baby.”

“i did too,” you shut your eyes, remembering how he would call you whenever he would get the time.  

how he would whine in your ear about wanting to see you already, and you’d ask him to focus on his work saying, “i’m right here hwa, go now, focus on your work.”

he snorts when you get up, ready to change out of your clothes and he spins on his back, leaning on his elbows. 

“you’re.. i get why you don’t express your undying love for me,” he starts, and you hum out a why.

“because you’re tsundere,” he pauses when he watches you unbutton your shirt through the reflection of the mirror, “or at least that’s what the teens there said.”

he watches you chuckle, “you talked about me to the kids there?” nodding he positions himself with his head on the bed frame. 

“they said you were like that, you don’t show your love for me.” you take off your shirt, leaving you in a tank top that makes him lick his lips. 

“oh yeah?” you ask him, quietly turning around. 

“...do you love me?” he asks, and you told your head to the side, a small smile on your face.

his wide eyes bore into yours as you come to sit on the bed, or more so on him, straddling his waist which he welcomed happily. already having his arms around your hips. 

you hold onto his hands, fiddling with his fingers, the one where his band sat. you lift your head to meet his eyes, “i’m not hesitant to show my affection to you, i-i just haven’t felt that way for someone, so this is new to me.”

you caress his hands quietly and he watches you in anticipation, lifting his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. 

you let out a sigh, and hesitatingly ask. “do you...love me?” 

he smiles slightly, “i do,” he breathes in. 

“a lot,” he continues in his deep voice, “you make me happy.”

he wants to say so much more, that you make him feel giddy, have butterflies erupt in his stomach whenever he’s by you. the stares you give him, the ones full of tease and playfulness that makes him laugh in the most inappropriate places.

how you tap your thighs and spread them, and he’d press his lips into a thin line, trying not to break out into a smirk. or when you back him up to a wall, teach him how to fight by holding his hands or how to work a sword.

but by seeing the look on your face, he knows you know everything he’s thinking. you’ve always been observant, so he knows for a fact that you’re probably reading his mind right now. 

“then you should know my answer,” you say, giving him a smile that makes his heart swell. 

both of you can’t believe that this is where you two ended up, from a loveless marriage to one that’s full of love and affection to the point no one has to stay it verbally. 

“let me hear it then,” he mutters, moving his hands from your hips to intertwine with yours. “say it once in for all.” 

you look down quietly, finding it hard to form the words together. you know you want to say something, but you can’t seem to form them together, instead all you do is stare into his eyes.

he smiles, and in seconds he has you flipped onto the bed. both of you rolling on it with a grunt, you stare into each other’s eyes contently. 

ignoring the surrounding and communicating through your expressions, you look down at his lips and make the move to peck them, moving away slowly and placing your leg over his torso.

he grins at your actions and brings you closer so that your heads resting on his chest, “i didn’t know you were shy too,” he mumbles, and you bite the insides of your cheek. 

hiding your face in his chest, you fist his shirt with your hands. you maybe be all dominant with your personality, but you’re yourself with him. 

he wraps his arm around your shoulders and sighs, tucking your head under his chin. he then remembers something, leaving your hold for a second and searching something in his drawer.

“what’re you looking for?” you ask out of curiosity and all he responds with is a “surprise.”

“actually, meet me tomorrow night at the gazebo you cornered me at.” he says and you nod. 

“if you try to kill m-“

“y/n, no, baby, sleep.” 

you stare at yourself in the mirror, dressed in a white ensemble that was requested by seonghwa for whatever he’s going to do tonight, and you hope it isn’t him killing you. 

you know he’s standing by the gazebo waiting patiently for you, but you can’t help but try and look a bit presentable before walking out towards the gardens. 

hands sweaty, and heart pounding as each and every step you take roots nervousness in your gut.

when you see him standing there with his back faces to you, in an all-black fit, you can’t help but look at him in amuse. the way his larger and built body is shown off by the clothes sticking to him.

shaking your thoughts away, you call out for him. “seonghwa,”

he turns around with a smile, you swallow before walking to him, hands neatly folded behind your back. 

“you came,” he says, snaking an arm around your waist. 

“of course,” you mumble back, letting him hold you. he then points at the corner; your eyes follow his and they immediately widen.

“seonghwa, t-that’s stunning.” your lips part in surprise and he smiles, ushering you forward by the small of your back.

your eyes fall upon the fluffy blanket he has laid on the ground, a small basket near the corner, pillows scattered around the blanket and two bottles of wine. 

“you’re insane,” you mumble quietly, tightening your hold onto his shirt. you hear him chuckle, pulling you to sit by him on the blanket.

your eyes shine when they fall over the water, the atmosphere was weirdly intimate. you two sat by the running water under the moonlight, sitting right by one another in silence.

the air sifted through your hair, playing with it slightly. “do you like it?” he asks, nervousness washing over him.

you nod twice, “i do, oh my god,” you pause. “i do, i love it.” he breaks out into a smile, rubbing a hand over your back.

he grabs you by the waist and settles you in between his legs, your insides flip when your back hits his broad front.  

you lean back and he wraps his arms around you, placing a peck on your temple. you smile and place your hands over his, intertwining them together.

“do you know why i brought you here?” he asks, rocking you side to side.

you shake your head and feel your heart swell at his low voice humming, “there’s something i’ve been wanting to give you,” 

his fingers fiddle yours when you feel him slide the black ring out, you watch him quietly slide it over to your right hand. 

he then reaches behind his back and pulls a velvet box, your smile falters and he uses both his hands to open it in front of you. 

“remember when i went out to ecuador?” he says, “i bought this for you.”

he opens the box fully and your eyes widen, “seonghwa, why?”

your eyes fall upon the stunning ring he shows off to you, it’s a light emerald diamond sitting nearly on a thin silver band. 

he takes your fingers in his and slides it on your ring finger, “i know when we first got married, we didn’t care about one another.”

“in fact, we both didn’t even want the wedding.” he pauses to recollect, “it looked like a fairytale but there were no sincere emotions from us.”

“i wanted to restart it,” he says, squishing his cheek against yours. “so i brought a new one, the one i chose.” 

your eyes fall upon the ring in your hands, “will you marry me, again, this time with all the happiness?” 

you hear his voice falter, and you smile, turning your body around fully. “do i have any choice?” you ask with a sheepish smile when his eyes meet yours.

he chuckles, “well not really because you’re already mine,” and you grin. “but for formality sakes, will you, the y/n, marry me, solidifying our marriage once again?”

you shake your head at his silliness, “of course, you idiot.” you say between giggles.

he then pulls you to his chest and you both fall back unexpectedly, letting out a yelp when falling but he grabs you before you could hit the ground. 

you lay on top of him, his hands firmly resting on your hips. he looks down at you and smirks, brushing your hair back from your face.  

“did you have a good flight?” he teases, and you sit up right on his waist, hands resting on his stomach. 

he raises his eyebrows, poking his tongue against the wall of his cheek. tapping his hands on your hips before bringing them behind his head. 

you then lean front and place a peck on his lips, surprising him. “thank you,” he smiles at that but that smile quickly turns into a groan when you shift on him.

he grips your hips at that, making you swallow when the colour of his eyes darken. “what’re you doing?” he asks, voice airy and strained. 

you look at him in confusion, “nothing?” and he bites his lower lip, sitting up right so now he’s directly in front of you. 

“oh yeah?” he quips, a smirk growing on his lips as he inches closer.

you shift once again and it lets out a low growl, and that’s when you realize what he means because you feel something poke at you.

you suck in a breath and try to get up, but he’s got his hands over you, holding your thighs. you feel his stare searching your face and then landing on your lips, and then a little lower.

he finds himself staring at the strap of your dress that’s fallen down, he swallows he sees that you aren’t wearing a bra and that he can see the trace of your boob and the hardened nipples poking through the material.  

“i-it’s cold,” you whisper, feeling his stare. he lifts his hand up to play with the strap, fiddling with it before he tugs it down.

he does the same to the other strap, fiddling with it and the tugging it down. enough so that he can see the top your breasts and he looks at you, your eyes already onto his.

his fingers graze them through the dress, and he lowers his mouth to place a soft kiss, you hiss at the way he licks at the skin right after.

his large hands come to grab your breasts, softly squeezing them and your thighs twitch. making the man grit his jaw, when you move your dress rides up and it leaves him to little to no imagination.

he brushes his lips over your neck, and you shiver, he bunches your hair to the side and attaches his lips right under your ear.

you whine when he pokes his tongue out, the mood changing from all nice and fluffy one to a one that’s full of desire.

“seonghwa,” you let out shakily, he hums.

“let me take care of you too,” you wrap and arm around his shoulder, lowering him to the ground and bringing your hand to his crotch.

he says something incoherent and then proceeds to unbuckle his pants, you help him lower them before quirking an eyebrow at him.

“now who’s in a hurry?” you say, tracing his waistband that makes him twitch.

you chuckle and bring his briefs down, running a hand down his cock. he twitches when you do so, eyes shutting and eyebrows meeting.

you then take your own panties off and take a hold of his wet cock in your hands; he groans and grunts at the pressure and rolls his eyes back when he feels you sink down him slowly. 

you hang open your mouth at the silent cry of pleasure, hands landing beside his face to support your body and his hands landed in your ass, moving slowly around him. 

your lips brushed against his neck and you sat straight, hands on his toned stomach as you moved up and down, your breasts bouncing with the impact and seonghwa gets a hold on your breasts, tweaking and rolling them. 

you moan breathily as your legs shuddered at the immense amount of pleasure coming over you in a short time. hearing his cry for you name has you going faster, “y/n- fuck.” 

you hum before leaning over to place your lips over his, muffling his own moans. his hands bring down your dress to your waist as you kept on getting him to a new high.

“i-i’m close,” he responds, voice strained, and you moaned at the sensation and it only makes you go faster, and he eventually comes inside you. 

you pull yourself out of him and plop your sweat lined body next to his, chests heaving up and down as the two of you breathed out loudly. 

“let me help you now baby,” he turns to hover over you, bunching your dress to your waist and you let out a whine of his name.

he brings his cock and lines it down your wet folds, he enters in slowly and you hear the wetness at the friction.

he holds your arms beside your head and rolls his hips into yours, “h-hwa, what if someone c-comes!”

he smirks, “let them baby, let ‘em see us.” he groans, thrusting into you as you moaned out his name as quietly as you could.

“louder y/n,” he demands, “let them hear.”

and as if on time, he does a particular thrust that made you cry his name out loud. his hair falls over his eyes, ticking over your forehead slightly. 

he watches your face contorting to the pleasure, and it riles him to go faster, grunting and grinding to you. loving the way, you say his name and the way it rolls of your tongue with a hint of airiness at the end.

you eyes roll back and your back arches to his, grinding at his own pace before falling back and letting him take control. 

“who’s are you?” he growls, and you wail your head to the side, responding with yours to which he says, “that’s my good girl.” 

before he stops, breathing heavily and pulling it out of you. slumping on you and then braking you to his chest, “i love you.” he says and you nod against his chest.

“me too,” he snorts and then smacks your ass at the answer you gave.

“general, what’s the deal at the border?” you hear yunho ask, mingi standing by him.

“i, i think someone’s scheming something against us.” you look up from the number of files, “check at the soldiers who patrol the border, see anything suspicious and immediately report that to me.”

“why?” jongho buts in, and you rub your temples.

“because,” you pause, and they all stare at you in anticipation.

“we might be going at war.” 

“shit.” wooyoung speaks from the back, “san isn’t back eros yet, the situation there is worse but if we had him, and even if there’s a war, if san was here, we would win no matter what.”

“well yeah, he is a literal demon reincarnated.” hongjoong snorts and you laugh, “but, me and yunho will go look over at the border.” 

“i’ll look over at the hidden entrances of eden,” mingi exclaims, “might find something there.”

“wooyoung, help me by finding out just who the enemy could be with you connections.” your remark and he offers a salute from the couch.  

“and please,” you stop wooyoung, “don’t go seducing someone.”

jongho snorts at you, “says that one who does it everywhere.”

you throw a paper weight at the man, picking your tongue out. “ew please, i hear it sometimes too.”

“go away!” you yell, cheeks warming up. “you’re dismissed!” 

“sheesh,” mingi says and you glare at him, watching all of them hurry out. 

just as they leave, you hear them whistle in the hallways and then the door opens. revealing a smiling seonghwa, eyed wide and cheeks puffed.

you clear your throat and stand up, “h-hey,” 

he walks to you with a smile and wraps his arm around you, “hey baby, look!” his wide eyes bore into yours, showing the bouquet of red flowers. “for you milady.”

you laugh at him, squishing his cheeks before walking behind your desk. 

“ah,” he starts, “i might have to leave for a trip soon, something with a few kingdoms needing help.”

you nod, “alone?”

he nods, pressing his lips into a thin line. “dad might want me to take the guys, jongho would be staying if that what you’re asking.”

he comes to lean on your desk, “when will you be leaving?”

“tomorrow morning,”

“for how long?”

he sighs, “i don’t know.” 

you pause, watching his face turn into a frown. you reach forward to take his hands into yours, rubbing your thumbs over his skin.

“i’ll wait, go do your duties.” you say, “our future king.” 

he snorts and you smile, “i’ll be back super quick, i promise.” he extends his pinky at you, shaking your head you joined them anyways.

he grins and his eyes turn into crescents, he decides to spend the entire day with you. eating your favourite dishes, then playing nonsensical jokes, him helping you with half your work also the only time you two were serious.

he’d constantly keep having his hands somewhere on you, to which you at first would shove it away, but now you’re more lenient. 

and so when the day ended, you were left with the sentence he kept repeating over and over again. 

“i’ll be back soon, wait for me.” 

when seonghwa left for a trip, you expected it to be short and sweet. it was supposed to be short, but then it quickly escalated to one week, to two weeks and now to five extra weeks. 

you hadn’t seen the man in almost one and a half month, except only hearing his voice through the telephone in your office and the bedroom. 

it’s as if he went back to the navy again, but in reality, he was off to visit the kingdom’s outside empire. 

the ones who had fallen because of the low economic growth and high unemployment rates, to take care of that, the heirs of each kingdom had been sent off for aid.

leaving only, you and jongho in the palace, teaching the new trainees the basic skills. which was mostly resulting in jongho bossing them over until you came in and told jongho to stop bossing them around.

you had taken over the responsibility to fill in for seonghwa’s position as an heir in eden as well. doing his work while conversing with him over the phone as he instructs you on what to do and what not too.

along with that, you were barely leaving your office. sometimes even spending the nights in there, sleeping on the couch because your room felt too lonely. 

the warm interior of your office gave you the warmth that was similar to seonghwa’s, the work had been piling up for you to sign and read every time you would wake up. 

and it had been like this for an entire month, you working, waking up early for your training sessions, eating, getting into the palace work, reading documents sent in by the king, switching to go watch over the soldiers outside, then eat, look over a few files before eventually passing out on your chair.

resulting in you waking up with a neck cramp, but hey, at least you got majority of the work done.  

when you finally sit down on the couch for the first time today, it doesn’t last long as jongho enters the room with a tray of tea and food. 

“for you,” he says, placing the test on the table beside you before walking out to his own room.

“thanks, ho.” you tell him, a hand reaching to grab the tea to which you gasped quietly after tasting. 

you lean back on your chair, eyeing the room until your eyes land on the telephone and immediately a smile creeps up your lips and you reach out for it. 

your fingers trace the phone softly until punching in the numbers, the number that he calls you from. 

you bring it your ear and wait for the bell to go, to hear seonghwa’s deep voice that made you curl your toes. hear him greet you happily even though you know he’s dead tired, but when you got no response from the other side you placed the phone down and got up. 

grabbing a few papers before leaning you front on the table, reading them through while munching on the treats jongho brought.

but that doesn’t last long, because only five minutes later you hear the door crack open and a pair of arms snaking your waist. 

you fall back because you immediately who it is, the expensive scent all too familiar to your nose. 

“hey baby,” 

you hear his low voice rumble in your ear, “hi, seonghwa.” 

he wraps around your waist tightens and he buries his face in your neck, sending a tingly feeling all over your body that you’ve missed. 

“how are you? tired?” he nods against your neck and you reach back to ruffle his hair a little. 

“never tired for you,” he places a peck on your neck and spins you around by your waist. 

when your eyes meet his, the speed of your heart doubles. he’s standing there with a shit eating grin on his face that you’ve come to love, black hair carefully pushed back and a smile that has your insides flipping.

he takes the papers from your hand and chucks them away, your wide eyes flickering to them as you try and grab them, but he beats you to it.

instead, he grabs your arms and places then around his neck, jerking you closer. “you must be tired, let’s go to bed.” you whisper out, but he shakes his head, eyes falling down in your lips.

he towers over you completely, he looks down at you with softness and yet playfulness that shoots you warm ness to your face, feeling a thick tension building in the air as you stare at each other.

“i missed you,” you nod shakily, inhaling sharply when he brings his hand to tuck your hair behind.

“i-i did too,” you stutter out when he pushes his weight on you, and you let out the smallest of whines that as him clenching his jaw. 

his minty breath tickles over your lips, “hm?” he asks, tilting his head tauntingly. 

you don’t hold back the breathy exhale when he swiped his thumb over your lower lip, you stare at him while his eyes are over your lips.

“did you know how much i missed you?” his other hand lowering the band of your pants, “can i show you how much i missed you, hm? what i would think about doing when you weren’t by me? when i couldn’t fall asleep and missed you?”

your breathing wavers and you unbuttons your pants, “did you know how many times i had to get off at the thought of my pretty little baby?” 

“seonghwa,” you say, voice coming out airy and strained when he brings his other hand down to push down your pants slowly, revealing you to the cold. 

he hums, dipping his head to your neck and you suck in a breath. “you know much i wanted to touch you but i couldn’t?” 

the atmosphere darkens with every bit of list and desire, his eyes are dark and intense as he stares at you biting your lip.

he places a soft peck under your ear, and you hold onto his forearm, “how much i wanted to hear your pretty voices crying my name?” 

you could only let out a moan at his words, desperate and whiney that has him smirking. “tell me you thought of me,” he grips on your waist, slowly running a hand down your leg.

“i did,” you inhale sharply when he wraps your leg around his torso. “i missed you so much, you had no idea.” 

there’s a strong feeling of arousal pooling in between your kegs and you can’t help but stare at him. 

he holds back a groan of his own and it takes him a second to push your arms back and slam his lips over yours. a moan escapes you when you finally feel his lips after days of nothing.

the way your lips mould together like puzzles, so desperate and so whiny. it’s the way your lips smash against one another, battling not for dominance but for the feeling you two have missed.

the sound of teeth clashing, lips smacking and small mewls and moans echo the room. seonghwa grips onto your hips firmly, planting you on your desk. you let out a noise of surprise and he grins against your lips.

softly yet rhythmically moving together, never letting the other part away even a moment. your arms reaching up behind his neck and deepening the kiss, lips moving in sync with each other, groaning softly when he bites on your lip and you tug on his dark locks. 

you have to push him away to breathe out loud, chest heaving up and down and he rests his forehead on yours.

“god, i missed you so much,” he whines, pressing his lips on your neck. trailing down to your collarbone while placing open mouthed kisses all long.

he grabs onto your shirt, and slowly starts to unbutton it, while you find yourself staring at his lips. pecking them every now and then until you hear him moan when his eyes land on your breasts.

you bite your lips, probably hard enough to draw blood when he licks his lips and cups your breasts. growling at the softness and the fact that you were braless, his large hands squish your skin and you through your head back.

he swallows and kneads and pinches with both his hands and you let out his name like a mantra, “you’re stunning,” he whispers before lowering his lips to mould on your breast.

while he sucks and circles his tongue relentlessly on your boob, his other hand tweaks and rolls your hardened and sensitive nipples. 

eliciting cries for his name, “h-hwa-“ you moan out when he delivers a harsh suck on your skin, pulling away with a pop. 

a wave of heat forms in your panties that has you grinding on table, his lips are onto your boobs, placing soft feathery yet ticklish kisses all over. he growls out how much of a pretty baby you’ve been as he continues his sweet torture.

when he feels you grind against him, he throws his head back. watching your face through his hooded eyes, how your mouth hung open and how quickly you bit down on your lip.

your eyebrows crossing as your eyes shut tight, his hands then trail down to your stomach, massaging it softly before caressing his fingers over your clothed clit.

“seonghwa,” you whine, feeling wetness starting to firm in your pants. 

you shake when he growls, hands reaching for his shirt and throwing it away, your fingers grazing down his toned body while he plays with the band of your black panties.

he lets out a noise from the back of his throat when you lick a stripe down his neck, slowly and feverishly. 

“i need you,” he grits, “right now baby, right now.” 

it takes him a second to push you back on the desk, bribing your pants down leaving you only in your panties as you leaned up on your elbows.

he traces his fingers slowly over your panties and when he feels the wetness, he lets out a groan of your name. “y/n...” 

and you nod at that, letting him slowly drag your underwear down to your ankles.

“fuck, baby.” he lets out a whine when he wyes your wetness, “i wanna fuck you so bad,” you fail to not let out a pathetic whine.

he trails a finger down your folds, and you shake, “i want to feel you, make you cry and moan my name out again and again and then fill you up with me, all of me.”

you let out a broken whimper when he kneels down, his hot breath fanning your inner thighs before it reaches you wet folds.  

he places soft kisses and long licks where he twirls his tongue on your inner thighs before he slips in his finger and presses his mouth onto your clit.

his hot mouth breathing against already wet and aching cunt, “seonghwa...” you whimpered pathetically, clutching the table as he licked a strip down your folds making you shudder underneath him. 

you let out a loud cry of his name when he does so, feeling him pump his finger in and out so slowly at your legs start to weaken.

it feels like it’s been forever since you’ve felt him, and he feels the same because he eats you out like he’s been starving. his long tongue circles and sucks on the bundle of nerves while you let out strangled moans that has his cock hardening in his pants. 

“so pretty,” he says before diving his tongue in making you let out a moan for his name as he moved in and out of you skillfully. alternating from long slow licks to small circles with his fingers to his tongue lapping sinfully against your clit until he's had his fingers easily sliding in and out of you.

you arch your back to his fingers and you feel the immense coil of heat starting to become unbearable, you lips moan out a “seonghwa,” which he hums in response against your pussy, and you feel the vibrations.

“i-“ 

“come, come on me.” he says and almost immediately you find yourself coming off the high, he’s quick with his tongue and licks out every juice that comes out you.

you fall back on the desk, breathing out heavily and shutting your eyes. seonghwa stands up and you hear the unbuckling of his pants and you can’t help but let out a chuckle.

“you’re so needy,” you mock him, rising up to grab the back of his neck and bringing your lips to his.

he gets rid of his pants and briefs; you wrap your legs around his waist and he groans at his own sensitivity. you smile against his soft and now swollen lips, tasting yourself faintly on his tongue. 

he holds onto your waist, squeezing it slightly. “desk or couch,” he asks in-between the kiss, and you whisper out a couch.

and he immediately picks you up, your naked bodies grazing again one another, emitting warmth that contrasted with the otherwise chilly room.

you giggle once he lays you on the couch and finds himself chuckling, “why are you like this,” asking about how you’re laughing at him being serious.

“because,” you reach to cup his cheeks, “it’s you.” 

he smiles, the one with dimples. and moves his lips to your neck, you close your eyes and let him roam around. 

his lips brush against the shell of your ear and you shiver when his deep and gruff voice fills them. “let me fill you up y/n,” he pleads, and your heart rate accelerates.

“fill you up,” he brushes his lips against your cheeks, “fill you up so good, all of me, hm?”

he lowers his voice, “let me fuck you so bad, so you’re crying my name out. i want everyone to know how good i make you feel,” 

you nod and reach for his cock, that’s not already dripping with pearls of pre cum over his pink tip. you whine at the vision and pushes you back, pumping a hand down his length he settles between your thighs.

“fuck me seonghwa,” you say and his eyes darken, “fill me up, with you, only y-“

your next sentences are muffled into cries when he lines his cock against your clit, teasing the tip up and down before entering you inch by inch. 

feeling yourself stretch out at his thick length, he pounds into you at a fast speed as if he’s never done before, your body moving against the bed as he grunts and groans and grinds himself into you.

your head falls back, mouth hung open as he starts to roll his hips into yours and you let out a cry that could only be described as borderline pornographic. 

“seonghwa- you feel so- so good.” you let out as he continues to go at different speeds, the room filling with his own loud moans.

“f-fuck,” your eyes roll back when he hits that certain spot in you, again and again, you let out a cry, throwing your head back on the pillow while releasing moans and whimpers of his name in pleasure. 

he drops his head down to your shoulder, burying his face into your neck. “i’m so close baby, hold on for me hm?” you wrap and arm around his shoulder, throwing your own head back at the pleasure.

he whines and groans into you when he feels you clench around him and he pounds into you again, fast and hard and deep and you let a tiny, pleasurable moan as the heat in you becomes unbearable and you came once again. 

“i-i’m close,” he responds only seconds later, voice strained, and you moaned at the sensation and it only makes him go faster and he eventually comes inside you.

he pulls out you carefully, watching you wince at the sensitivity. sweat lines both your bodies and he slumps down on you, wrapping his arms around you. 

he pecks your forehead, nose and then he’s about to place on your lips that the two of you roll off the couch and right onto the floor. 

you both fall into fits of laughter and he pulls you close to him, sighing happily when he turns to you. pointer finger poking your cheek and you open your eyes, staring at him with a playful glint.

you two pause and then burst out laughing, the room echoing with your happiness. he bites at your ear and you squeal, slapping his chest.

when he rolls off of you and slides to your side, both of you lay in the middle of the room, naked. hair spread on the carpet below, sighing and humming happily.

“are we planning to-“

“i love you.”

you bite the insides of your cheek, looking the opposite way when you feel his stare on you. he leans up hurriedly and hovers his face over yours, you shyly avoid his face until he holds into your jaw softly.

“w-what did you say?” he asks, eyes wide and sparkly, “say it again.” 

when you stare at him intently and don’t say anything, he taps your cheek. “say it again y/n, you have no idea how much i’ve been dying to hear those words.”

you smile playful, bringing your hands to his cheeks. “i said i love you, silly.”

he tries to smile, “say it again,” 

“i love you,” you tilt your head, and the glint in his eyes switch.

���again,” he lowers himself.

“i love you.”

“one more time,” 

“i love you.”

“jus-“

“i take it ba-“ 

he doesn’t let you finish your sentence, his lips slam onto yours. “don’t, don’t ever take it back.” 

“understand?” he asks, and you nod.

“understood sir.” you grin, and he laughs.

“i’ll make you happy, i swear.” he mumbles as he hides his face in your hair, you smile and shut your eyes. 

“and i’ll protect you, i swear.”

you run down to your room, leaving the meeting about the war. the war that at this point was confirmed, yunho and hongjoong had found a loophole when they visited the border. 

only confirming every suspicion, you had, the enemy wasn’t in any of the eight kingdoms. but instead, outside from those kingdoms who seonghwa had gone to help at his last trip a few months ago. 

from wooyoung’s special sources, he’s found out exactly when they will attack. exactly two days from now.

it felt like a betrayal, but you knew something else was up but that’s not what you were thinking about right now. 

instead, a bigger thing was on your mind. 

you walk out the bathroom, one hand on your stomach and the other running through your hair. 

“yeosang,” you squeak, “are you a hundred percent sure?” 

both you and yeosang decided to talk in private, him joining you as you ran out the meeting. which only confirmed his suspicions over your habits these days, he’s leaning on the wall opposite of yours. 

hands crossed over his chest while a small smile plays on his lips, he nods slowly, and you shut your eyes.

“you’re feeling it aren’t you?” he muses, he runs a hand through his blond locks and a smile creeps up his lips. 

your mouth drops and you could feel you heart hammering against your rib cage, swallowing you look up to him walking towards you.

“yeosang, we’re at a war,” you realize, “t-this can’t be happening right now, i have to go fight in the war in two days and i can’t do it like this!” 

your outburst is understandable, yeosang not only sympathizes with you but also is excited about how a new change will affect both you and seonghwa.

“y/n, i know-“ he pauses, “you should tell seonghwa.” 

you sit down on your bed and yeosang exits the room, a sigh slips down your lips and you fall back onto the bed. your hair falling prettily around you, slowly you trail your hand over your stomach and bite your lip.

you smile but it fades away quickly, the threat of enemies attacking the kingdom any time in the coming two days scares you. but this time it scares you for a different reason and you’re angry, frustrated and irritated even because the timing of everything wasn’t right. 

you shot up from your bed and started to march down the hallway, ignoring the guards who immediately shoot a salute as you ran down the hall.

once you reached seonghwa’s office, you burst open the door and the man inside flinches, dropping his files. 

his wide eyes soften when they land on you. “oh, bab-“

“you!” your finger points at him and he raises his eyebrows as you walk towards him, backing him up to the wall behind, his hands coming up by his head. 

you grab his collars, “you, you! you finally got what you’ve been trying to do.” 

he tilts his head, eyes confused. “and that is?”

“i’m pregnant and y-“

“you what,”

you pause, your shoulders dropping. his face drops and you swallow, “are yo-“

“i knew it!” he interrupts, yelling and then he cups your face, he’s got the biggest smile, his pearly whites show, and he smiles so big it almost eyes are hidden.

he presses his lips against yours, again and again. wrapping his arms around you he lifts you and twirls you around, “p-put me down!” 

“oh my god, oh my god, we’ll be parents oh god.” he whispers, placing his forehead on yours. “i love you so much, you have no idea.” 

he keeps pressing his lips onto yours repeatedly, you can feel him smile against them as he whispers i love you’s in between. 

you cup his face and force him to look at you, the pad of your thumb rubs near his eyes, wiping away the tears pooling around his eyes. 

“how long?” he asks.

“one and a half months.” 

he’s got a pout on his face and his eyebrows are almost touching, something you’ve noticed he does whenever he’s about to cry.

“why are you crying?” you ask, and he cups your hands with his, pecking your hands. 

“you just gave me the biggest gift of my entire life, how can i not cry?” he mumbles against your hands, eyes pouring out fat tears and he sniffles. you laugh at his words and pull him into a hug.

he immediately wraps his around your waist, burying his face in your neck deeper, he places soft kisses over your shoulder. you giggle and wrap your hands around him tighter, you could feel his rapid heartbeat syncing with yours.

he kneels down and taps your stomach with wide eyes, once you pull back though, your face falls and he notices right away. “seonghwa, what about the war?” 

he visibly stiffens and grips on your waist, “no, no, no!” he whispers, “you’re not going out there to fight.” 

“seonghwa,” you grasp his hands, “i have to fulfil my duty, i-i’ll put extra shields around myself so no-“

“your duty is our kid growing in your stomach,” he interrupts, moving his hand to your stomach.

you sigh, “i have to follow through my orders with the soldiers! after all, we’re fighting for your land.”

“my title or my status or land doesn’t mean a god damn thing if the only thing i’ve ever wanted would be taken away from me.” this time he holds onto your shoulders and shakes you slightly.

you shake your head, “seonghwa, i know, but my job is to protect you and everyone who lives under eden.”

he leans closer, “i’ve vowed to protect you y/n, twice, and now with our kids,” he spared a glance at your stomach. “we’ll go to war, i’ll run it.”

“seonghwa you can’t, you have no experience in what i’m in.” you pause, “granted you were in the navy, but this, this is different hwa.” 

his eyes soften at the use of his name that you only ever called in more intimate moments, “i don’t care baby, if it means you two would be safe, i’ll go.” his intertwines his fingers with yours. 

“besides,” he dramatically flips his hair, “at least i can win sword fights.” 

“hwa,”

“trust me.” 

you stare at him in worry, considering what you had found out just last night. but when he pouts, you chuckle at him and he pulls you into his embrace, “fine,” you sigh, “you can go, but only on one condition.” 

he smiles and caresses your hair, “and that is?”

“i need the father of our baby to be alive,” you bury further in his chest, “if you die, i will go find you and then kill you myself.”

he laughs and you feel his chest vibrate, “only the father of our child? what about your husband?” he teases, and you lightly smack his back. 

“i want both of them back.” 

seonghwa had been going around, yelling and screaming loudly to everyone in the palace that you were pregnant. you had to hide your face behind him as he told away with a big smile on his face, his parents were all ecstatic and immediately showered you with presents and blessings.

“you’re really excited, huh?” you grin, fixing the blanket of your bed. glancing swiftly at seonghwa sitting on the couch in his night wear, supporting a book in his hand.

“you have no idea,” you stop and lean on the bed frame, your eyes go over his face and smile. 

he sees you staring and puts his book to the table beside him, he spreads his thighs wide, tilts his head and then pats his thighs at you. 

wiggling his eyebrows at you, “your throne, my queen.” and then pats his thighs again, you snort out loud and walk to your side of the bed.

he joins with a pout quickly and sits beside you, a hand around your shoulder, he presses his lips against your temple. 

you sigh and lean onto him more, eyes closing slowly. his hand caresses your shoulder while his lips maintain near your face. 

“do you think we would have a boy or a girl,” you mumble against him, and he brings his hand over to your hair. 

“it doesn’t matter,” he says, and you nod with a smile, “but, i do hope whoever is in there is a boy.” 

you open your eyes at that and tilt your chin up, “and what if it’s a girl?”

he smiles, “if it’s a girl, i don’t think i would have the heart to marry her away.” your heart swells at his words, he pulls you into a hug and stays like that until your eyes start to fall heavy.

“i love you,” 

he whispers and when you don’t respond, he assumes you’ve fallen asleep. smiling he gets himself comfortable around you and closes his eyes. 

“i know.” 

the next two days were intense, even the word intense was an understatement. everyone in the palace had been moving around every day, from the workers in the palace and those in the kingdom. all and every soldier available and those who had retired were in the field practicing.

you could hear the swords clashing against one another, grunts and groans of soldiers as they battled each other. every field was packed with men, the archery field, the open grounds and even the main property of the palace. 

you’re walking around and guarding the rest, helping them here and there while teaching them how to do the right thing. 

seonghwa and you had been monitoring everything, last two nights and days were spent in your office. planning out everything that would lead to eden winning, rearranging soldiers at different points around the battlefield, cannons, bombs and even artillery were numbered.

both of you wanted the least damage and had even sent a letter to the rivalry group for a better understanding to mend things out, but once they denied and initiated war by killing a few of your men. 

both of you had no choice but to run the war, everything had to be perfect, for the kingdom and for you three. 

and now, all of you stand together in lines. seonghwa stands left of you while yunho stands to the right, both his parents are standing at the balcony a level above.

“i know this is hard everyone,” seonghwa starts, “your general won’t be able to join you in this, so i’ll be taking the position.” 

you step forward, collectively gathering their attention. “i want every single one of you back,” you say, eye glancing to every corner. 

“if one of you is missing,” you pause, “i’ll come to the field myself and find you, and then i’ll kill you.” 

a roar of laugh echoes the grounds, and it lessens the weight on you, as the rest get busy you turn to your battalion. 

“you all better come back, be careful and use your mind.” you tell them, and they respond with a smile, “and you,” you turn to seonghwa who raises his eyebrows.

“don’t go overboard! don’t do useless things-“

“i won’t!” he whines.

“i know you will,” you sigh and he chuckled before coming to place his hands around your neck, “remember how at south there will be people there, list-“

“i know, mom.” he says and leans down to press his lips onto yours, you hear the low ‘ooh’s’ of the crowd and pull back. 

“i’ll be right back, wait for me okay?” he says with a grin and you manage to smile back, he then nods at everyone else who start to make their way out the palace grounds. 

you watch them leave the grounds and you swallow thickly, instinctively placing a hand on your stomach. a sickening feeling starting to loom over you, and you turn around to yeosang standing there.

he nods at you and the two of you walk to his quarters, “are you sure?” he asks, handing you your armour that you wear on top of your clothes. “i don’t want you to go there and potentially hurt yourself knowing you’re pregnant.” 

“we have no choice yeo, you know what your patient said yesterday.”

last night, yeosang burst through your office doors, yanking your arm and dragging you to his office without even getting the chance to say hi.

“yeosang, w-what’s going on?” you ask the man holding your wrist, stepping in his room only to see a patient bandaged over his legs, arms and head.

you glance at yeosang in confusion, asking him to explain why exactly he brought you here especially when there’s someone he’s tending to.

before yeosang gets the chance respond, the man in front immediately stands up, hissing and then bowing. 

“gener- your highness,” his low and gritty voice goes onto introduce himself, “i can’t reveal my name, but i have to tell you something.”

you exchange glances with yeosang who nods, ushering you to a chair, and he comes to stand behind you. 

“what happened to you?” you ask out of worry, eyeing the white bandages over him.

“dorado,” the man says, “dorado is after you.”

you place the chained veil around your waist, securing it by placing your armour on top. “i am sure, and as for that, it’ll be alright.”

“he’ll be mad,” he mutters while tightening the chain around your forearms. “very mad.”

you pause to look at him, “i know how to protect myself yeo... and as for seonghwa, it’ll be okay, he won’t even know i’m there.” 

he gives you a look that you respond with a grin, he breaks into a chuckle and pats your shoulders. 

“then i’m coming with,” he says, grabbing his own artillery from under his desk. surprising you, you would’ve never thought the doctor would have weapons with him too.

“i knew you were a sadist.” you laugh before the two of you walk out, hiding away from the guards and your parents.

“mingi i swear to god! stop screaming every two seconds!” san yells through the thick air, slashing his sword the through the wind. 

“i can’t help it, he fucking stabbed me! twice!” mingi yells back, riding his horse as he cuts through the enemies with ease.

the rest are fighting with their own group of people who seem to be attacking the face, “god, why do you all go after the faces!” wooyoung yells, kicking the other in the stomach before twisting his arm. 

“where’s seonghwa?” hongjoong cries out, clutching his bleeding arm while fighting. 

“ayo, park seongh- oh my god he’s got a whole army on him, no wonder, they all hate him!” 

seonghwa stands between the men crowding him in a circle, he grips on his sword tightly and smirks. raising his hand to motion them to come forward, as if taunting them with his fingers. 

the men groan out loudly and launch themselves at him, seonghwa successfully dodges all the punches thrown at him except the one that landed on his chest, making him stumble back. 

the barbaric man grabs seonghwa’s collars and yanks him to the floor, seonghwa grabs his sword and shoves it down the man’s chest all the way through. the man freezes and sees the duke smirk at him before throwing his now dead body off him.

men throw himself at seonghwa one by one and he fights his best, getting a few splotches of blood on his face while his arms bleed through his running wounds. 

a man from behind comes over to attack seonghwa, his breathing so loud and raspy yet still faded into the chaos of the war. he grips his sword and raises it above his head ready to cut through seonghwa’s body.

“hey,” a voice yells and the man freezes, seonghwa keeps on putting his attention on those who attack him. 

“that’s my husband you’re trying to kill.” before the man can even turn around, a sword slides through his entire neck and his blood splatters through air to the ground.

“general!” 

san’s voice cries at you, you’re surprised he’s back. you hadn’t seen him ever since he went back, but you notice he looks much better and throw him a smirk.

he notices you sitting on your horse dressed in your armour and a sword in hand, looking all majestic and a smirk forms over his lips and suddenly the rage to fight increases. you shake your head at him, mouthing to not mention you, and as if you were his fuel to his fire, he lunges at the attackers. 

with a snort, you pull on the two ropes coming from the horses’ head and rode through the battlefield with your sword in hand.

the wind streamed by you, whipping your hair back to show the eyes, dark and brooding and raging. those you sped past widen their eyes in fear as they start to run, your sword plays with the air, as the cloth decorating your horse flies. 

it’s almost a haunting image, you on the white horse while blood drips down the sword you’re holding. your eyes are turned into slits, jaw clenched, and your rank insignia shines intimidatingly under the gloomy day. 

you spot yunho and hongjoong from a far and wave at him. they stop to look at you for a quick second before making their way towards you, their jaws clenched and face bloodied. the three of you were known as a trio that worked together on the battlefield and made sure the kingdom won, you nod at them and they immediately know what to do.

“general, be safe.” you nod and begin to ride down the grounds. 

yunho goes out in the south, calling for the cannons to be released. hongjoong goes to the frontline with his men as they handle the ones there, you stay in the middle, eliminating any enemy who dare attack you. 

at some point in the battle, you go off your horse. dangerous for the condition you were in, but you managed to wipe off any men who attacked you, swinging your leg in their faces. 

those who attacked you from behind, you grabbed their forearms and and yank them forward with the strength you had. 

the wind blew in your face, a thin layer of sweat coating your face and your body under all the armour. your hair stuck to your forehead as you walked the grounds, dragging your sword behind you. 

the noise it created, tickled the ears of those passing by who immediately ran off. every step you took on the now bloody sand, dripped with the blood of those you fought with. 

your armour dripped blood; your sword poured the red liquid as you dragged it across the field. your face on the other hand, had a big splashes of blood, maybe even yours along with your rival enemies. 

it feels like it’s been hours since the battle started, hongjoong had managed to bring down the front lines while yunho had successfully attacked with cannons. the rest had been taking care of the ones in the middle, including you. 

now all you had to do was escape, so that seonghwa wouldn’t see you. 

which would be impossible considering he’s standing just meters away from you, if you had to escape, you had to do it quick. 

luckily, yeosang sees you and the two of you make your way back hurriedly. both of you laugh as you run away from them successfully before finally reaching the palace grounds. 

“i’ll meet you at your quarters, clean up good.” yeosang says and you immediately speed off to your room, hurriedly grabbing your towel, incense and fresh clothes to change into.

picking up anything suspicious, the two of you take showers in a record time. which was impossibly fast considering the blood on you two, and the time it took for you to drain it all out to finally being able to walk out all dressed like before. 

once you’re done, yeosang walks in and both your eyes widen. “fuck! the floor!” you two yell and instantly look for something to get the blood off the floor. 

yeosang brings in a bucket of water which spills halfway through and so he has to go for a round two, and you grabbed a random shirt to wipe the floor. the two of you used water and literally anything to get it off as you two panicked. 

not only were you two shaking but laughing at the misery you were in, but once the panic slowly calmed down. you both sighed in relief, sitting on the ground as you piled up the cloths for laundry. 

“take rest,” he exhaled, “i’m sure you’re devastatingly tired.” 

“thank you yeosang, really.” you reach over to pat his shoulders.

“now just, get ready for our very own duke.” he laughs, and you join him, shaking your head at the consequences you’re about to experience.

you heard the horns go off in distance not a few hours later, “they’re here, we’ve won.” you grin widely and walk out the room, yeosang following suit.

the second you walk out, it’s quite literally a mess. more than a few of your soldiers are injured, some getting carried to hospital beds. yeosang spares you a quick look and you nod, he runs down the hall, no longer was he yeosang but a doctor on duty.

you step down to help a few of the men yourself, you applaud and thank them for staying alive. when you’re helping a particular one though, he stops you and looks at you in confusion.

“general, aren’t you going to go to his highness?” you furrow your eyebrows, “he’s injured.” 

your eyes immediately widen, “h-he’s what?” you whip your head to the entrance as a group of men stride in on horses. 

you run, eyes searching for the one man you’re looking for. “mingi, where’s seonghwa?” you ask, your voice desperate, scared and panicky.

“he’s coming,” he smiles through the blood on his face, “don’t worry y/n, he put up a great fight.”

the worry on your face shows, your heartbeat hammering against your rib cage as your eyes wandered everywhere to meet seonghwa’s. 

and when they do, you slump down in relief. eyebrows almost meeting each other while your eyes water slightly, his face is cleaned off, but you could still see the smears of blood. 

his black hair is a mess, sticking to his forehead. he was head to toe sprinkled with blood as he rode on his horse, when his eyes meet yours, he immediately smiles. 

“i told you i’d come back.” 

you walk towards him slowly and he jumps down to take your hands in his, “where are you injured?” your eyes go over all his body, turning him around back and forth and he laughs.

you smack his shoulder, and he immediately hisses, his hands clench his shoulders, and you mumble out a sorry. he groans dramatically and you this time, slap his chest. 

“stop scaring me,” you hold his hand tighter, “let’s go, i’ll clean you up.” 

“hmm,” he grins, “you’ll clean me up?” and wiggles his eyebrows, your eyes roll to the back of your head. 

you’re so used to his nature and yet it still brings butterflies to your stomach, wrapping your arm around his waist you guide him towards yeosang’s private office. 

while you’re walking there, seonghwa talks about what he did on the field, and as if you weren’t there to see it all, you nod and praise him at what he tells you. 

“now don’t move,” you sit him down, “and let me clean your wounds, grab my hand if it hurts, okay?” you tell him gently and he nods.

you reach down to take strip his upper half down, which wasn’t easy considering he would mutter sexual innuendos and how he’d hiss in pain.

you grab a big cotton swab and drench it the antiseptic, bringing it up to his shoulder. you frowned at the large cut on his skin, his eyes staring at you intently as you catered his wound. 

ignoring him making kissing faces, weird faces and him blowing air to your face. or how is fingers play with your shirt, how his hand wraps around you, how he hides his pain by burying his face in your stomach. sometimes mumbling something to the baby inside. 

you chant sweet nothings to him while he bites down on his lips, once you’re done stitching his wound you wrap a white bandage around his shoulder. 

he finds playing with your hair as you patch him up, “y/n.” he mumbles. 

you hum in response, hands still fixing the bandage. “why’s there blood on your neck,” 

you freeze visibly, “o-oh it must be yours, must’ve been from when we walked here.” 

he stays quiet and raises his fingers to bring over your neck, you feel them hover a bit before he lowers them down to your neck. you shut your eyes and breath shakily when the blood coming from an unknown wound touches his fingers. 

“what is this,” he whispers, “why are you bleeding, y/n.” 

when you don’t respond, you feel his eyes on your face. “look at me.” your shiver at his tone, so low and deep that it cut through the tension. 

when you do look at him, you’re sure your eyes look guilty, sad and even worse. “where were you?” 

you shake your head, “nowhere hwa, i’m telling you it’s your bl-“

he suddenly raises your hair up in a bunch and yanks down your shirt, eyes stuck on the cut right behind your neck. “this isn’t mine,” he clenches his jaw and you feel his breathing fan your skin.

he turns his head to look into your eyes, eyebrow raising as his face turns bitter. “where were you y/n,” when you try and interrupt him, “answer me right now, and don’t you dare lie.” 

“me and yeosang were practicing,” oh, only if you didn’t stutter, he would’ve believed you, his eyes bore into your side and your eyes drop to the floor. 

when the room goes silent, you could hear the ringing noises in your ear. the faded groans of others getting their wounds tended at, seonghwa’s hand around your waist tightens and he forces you to look at him. 

“you went to the war,” he breathes. 

“without telling me,” he pauses, “with our child.” 

dread pools over you so quick that you almost forget to breathe, your eyes are glued shut and you hear his breathing get harsh. 

“answer me y/n, did you, or did you not go to the war.” 

you stay quiet for a few moments, knowing you’re in the wrong. there’s no need to hide it from him as it could possibly become a bigger deal.

“y/n.” 

“i did,” you nod and almost immediately he softly pushes you away from him, “hwa, i know i’m wrong i sh-“

“don’t ‘hwa’ me right now,” he warns, eyes fueling with anger. “how- who in the right mind would go to a war, pregnant!” 

he then steps towards you and you look at him in the eye, “y/n, are you fucking stupid? how, how- i don’t even have the fucking words!” he yells, and you shut your eyes.

“do you know how dangerous that is?” 

“hwa, i’m okay.” you interrupt him, “i’m alive.”

“and what if you weren’t?” he yells, “huh? what if you died? what if someone shot you or stabbed you? what if our child... died, y/n?” 

you suck in a deep breathe, “nothing happened seonghwa, i’m here! i’m standing in front of you, with our child!” 

“you willingly went to the war,” he points a finger at you, “you put yourself and the kid in such danger, y/n are you out of your god damn mind?!”

“just listen to me pl-“

“what if something happened to our child? you’re already injured, god forbid something might’ve happened!” he cries out loud and you notice him choking up. “did you even think of that or did you just think it’ll be okay?!” 

the room is so quiet, so quiet that you hear no footsteps from outside. because you know they’re hearing everything, the silence pains you and you know you’re wrong. you know that, but you did it anyway. 

“seonghwa, please i’m sorry, i know i’m wrong but please listen to m-“

“why should i listen to you?” he angrily asks, “so that you can preach about you saving the kingdom?” he grabs the nearest object and throws it on the floor, yeosang’s favourite glass now sits shattered into hundreds of pieces. 

“that’s not the point, seonghwa!” you yell this time, “just please let me explain to you why i did it!”

his face screams pain, his eyes are dropping tears while he breathes harshly, hands curled up into fists and eyes glaring daggers at you. 

“i just wanted to protect you hwa,” your voice cuts through the silence, “i’m experienced en-“

he suddenly grabs your shoulders, and your wide eyes look at his, “i’d rather get killed than see you die with our child.” 

“what you did was dumb, reckless and horrible.” he spits, “you’re horrible, i can’t believe that you would do this.” 

you don’t even realize that you’re shaking, that your eyes are pooling with tears and yet they don’t drop. the heat in your throat is getting unbearable and your eyes are staring into his. 

but the only difference is, yours are filled with love and his are with hate. 

“you’re so selfish y/n,” he glares, “so damn selfish.” he whispers, and you swear you heard your heart crack. 

“please, please hear me out hwa, i’m sorry, i’m so sorry- i, know i’m wrong for doing this but at least look at me.” 

he reaches beside you and grabs his shirt, you stand still, not knowing what to do. he won’t even spare you a glance, his hands wipe the tears that keep falling of his face while yours are shaking by your side.

when he’s about to walk past you, you hastily hold onto his arm. “hwa-” 

he turns around with such anger that you let go of his arm, “it’s your highness for you.” and without looking back, he walks out.

next part 

taglist : @idiomaticpunk : @ofcjongho : @ateezappreciation : @sparklychangbin : @annasbananas : @happycandynoelle : @seonghwas-shinystar-x : @treasure-hwa : @etherealbyeol : @rawrrainn : @sktbzc0re : @utopiakys​ : @deobichoice : @hanflix​ : @skmoonchild​ : @uzumakioden​ : @thiccseokmin​​

unable to tag : @multi–trash

[autismcoding]

birds don’t sing

3.4k word hensper fic

- spoilers below for s1e7 of danger force & the hd finale !

- based entirely off the jasper is blackout theory

Truth be told, Jasper himself doesn’t know how he got into this situation. Trying to kill his former boss right before he tries to kill his best friend for years for a small bit of cash sounds stupid in the long run.

Everything had already been given to him. The locations, the weapons, the tools, all he needed to do was go through with it.

It almost worked out.

It was the perfect opportunity. Charlotte was still in Dystopia, and he had the two of them tangled up with no real way of escape. Henry looked terrified, and for a moment, he felt a small bit of regret.

Regret that was pushed away almost immediately.

Law enforcement in Swellview would do nothing to help, they were just as scared as the heroes in the situation, if not more. They were left with no other option but to accept their fate.

Jasper didn’t care about the conversation the two of them were having, to put it bluntly. Henry was panicking, hyperventilating and rustling around in the restraints while Ray… Ray looked like he could give less of a shit.

Jasper wasn’t surprised, the man had always acted like this during fights. He didn’t know if it was a coping mechanism or if he simply wasn’t fit to be a hero and this is how he acted, but either way, it was the reason that all of them went through so much.

“How about knock knock?” Ray starts with a smile. That sets him off. How the hell could he be smiling through all of this?

He did a few spins before knocking Captain Man through the wall of the convenience store, sighing when he noticed there was no bit of damage, a sarcastic quip coming from the superhero.

He doesn’t stop when Henry tries to run away, not when there’s this group of kids, the same kids that helped them stop Drex, piling on top of him. He has a goal and he needs to succeed. He gets up and pushes them away from him to the best of his ability when they get up and start arguing.

It reminded him of himself back when he worked at the Man Cave.

His second target, Captain Man, is standing there as the lights turn back on. He takes that as his opportunity to strike. The man keeps rambling about knock knock jokes, about quips and how to speak while fighting. 

“Why won’t you die!?” Jasper shouts, bashing the electrified weapon on Captain Man’s chest repeatedly. He doesn’t stop. There’s only a light smudge of blood on the taller male's clothing, and that’s what fuels his anger the most.

Why did he have to direct his anger towards the world’s most indestructible man? Henry was right there and he could just get it over with-

That is until he’s being forcefully held up in the air by one of the kids the moment his hand raises to try to take Captain Man’s- Ray’s soul, being flung right into Henry’s forcefield. The impact leaves him on the ground on the verge of unconsciousness.

His stomach clenches when someone’s hand reaches his face, but never touches the mask. Only dragging him away from the scene after he got beat up. An embarrassing loss on his part.

That’s where he finds himself days later. In the same state of panic that he was while on the verge of unconsciousness due to the sheer amount of fear that they would find out his true identity. 

They’re sitting in their shared apartment in a room that they designated to crime-fighting related work. The room itself was cozy, but the atmosphere itself felt wrong at that moment.

“We need to dig up more information on Blackout before he actually ends up taking you out Henry,” Charlotte starts off with a shaky breath. Everything that’s happened with the bounty hunter seems to be taking a toll on her.

Henry’s mouth opens after a slight smirk, shutting when the shorter cuts him off. “-and I don’t mean to have dinner either.” He nods, hands placed folded up in his lap. 

She pointed to the wooden pinboard hung up on the wall with images of the bounty hunter plastered all around it and possible suspects. It’s everything they gathered up, and Jasper feared they were too close to the truth.

Images of Dystopia citizens and printed out web pages linked to different times of the day when it was most likely he would strike. The worst part is that Jasper’s name wasn’t on there, and he knows it’s because they trust him.

Red strings connected everything on the pinboard, all of them leading back to one huge circle around a picture of Henry with the word ‘target’ labeled underneath. His gaze adverts from that of his friend in the photo for some reason that he can’t quite piece together. His face flushes.

“So from what we know, Blackout is obviously out for Henry and Henry only. He’s shown no interest in Jasper and I so far.” She starts off, putting a hand under her chin in a thinking motion.

“I think he’s out for Ray too. I mean, didn’t Blackout try to take Ray’s soul?” Jasper questioned, tilting his head, recounting the events of that night. His whole body still hurts a lot from all of that, he realizes.

He hopes that his injuries weren’t obvious upon entry.

“..But I thought there was no film of the encounter? How’d you find out about that?” Charlotte said in a confused tone. Jasper swallowed heavily and darted his gaze around. Henry seemed to be confused as well, but not as insistent as she was.

If he slips up one more time, the secret’s out. 

“I mean, I’m just guessing, you know? I mean, we know how encounters go in Swellview! Haha…” He trails off with an awkward laugh, rubbing at the back of his neck, hoping it only shows that he’s just nervous from sounding dumb.

Not lying. Not lying one bit. 

She knows something’s up, Jasper mentally curses in his head. The way her gaze fixated on him once she started mentioning the bounty hunter once more. He needed to be more careful. 

The rest of the meeting he’s tensed up in his chair, nodding at whatever is said and giving lazy thumbs ups motions in response. 

Charlotte is staring him down when he stands up to leave the room when they’re done, but she doesn’t say anything to stop him.

Jasper’s hand reaches for the dagger by his side, stopping. He can’t instigate anything. Not yet.

He’s the closest he’s ever been to his goal.

He walks to his room with hesitancy that night, constantly looking behind him to make sure nobody’s following him. Not that Charlotte would, but with what happened, who knows. He just has to hope.

The stars don’t shine that night. Jasper doesn’t sleep, tossing and turning fitfully until the sun comes up.

Thinking sucks for Jasper, especially when it leads to him spiraling and realizing some things about him could be perceived as abnormal. The way his hands always get shaky and his stomach fills with butterflies thinking of Henry, wanting something much more than just a friendship.

He just wants to feel love, but not from anyone else.

And ultimately, he feels completely heartbroken, knowing that the other doesn’t feel the same.  

He hoped, at the very least, there would be light. If not for him, to guide Henry and Charlotte down the right path unlike the one that he went down.

The day after that, everything goes surprisingly normal in contrast to what he’s planning for the night. Tonight’s the night he finally does it. The night he grabs Henry’s soul, and they can all be done with everything.

He can finish being Blackout. He can leave being a bounty hunter behind him and go home without blood on his hands every other day from other targets.

The first thing he needs to do, he realizes, is actually be able to be in a room with Henry. Alone. If Charlotte’s there, she’ll catch on.

She’s always been smart enough to catch onto the little movements. It’s something that he’s always been grateful for.

That’s how he and Henry find themselves in front of Charlotte begging to have a sleepover in each other's room for the night, because Jasper suggested the idea and they’ve all been sleeping in the different rooms just in case something happened. Being in separate rooms would give them time to grab their weapons and prepare.

She was worried at first, but eased up in the end to the happiness of both of them.

“Charrrrr, please?” Jasper asked, wringing his hands together and looking at her with a pleading look in his eyes. She rolled her eyes with a small smile and nodded.

“Alright. Just don’t do anything stupid!” She called out to the two of them, walking off to her own room for the night.

“We won’t!” Henry replied.

“Probably!” Jasper butted in, causing the two to break into a small fit of laughter.

Henry fell asleep with Jasper’s arms around him that night. The two were more than comfortable, finding the right position so that neither complained about it. It was calming.

He mutters an “I’m sorry,” out loud, even if it’s more to calm himself rather than reassure the man resting next to him. A confused “hmm” that indicated he wasn’t fully asleep made his heart stop.

It was now or never. Impulse decisions never lead to good things, but he was going to take that shot.

His hand plunges into his friend's back, coated in a dark green aura when he’s able to pull his hand back after a bit of struggle. A small twitch from the sheer amount of energy running through it.

That’s not his hand anymore. It’s the hand of a murderer.

An orb now rested in his hand, beating almost as if a heart would. Souls were always so weird to hold.

There’s no relief in the action that he’s just gone through, there’s no happiness at all. It’s only sorrow. He looks down at his hand that’s still coated in the dark aura. It doesn’t feel right. It all feels so wrong.

This shouldn’t be something he’s able to do. This shouldn’t be something he’s holding in the first place. He’s the cause of his best friend’s (crush?)’s horrors. His trauma, nightmares that leave him up late at night screaming and clawing at his face, and he’s made that worse.

If he would even be alive to see it happen. There’s a morally gray part of him that hopes that he isn’t. Not to kill Henry, but to make sure that he doesn’t have to live through more nightmares. That he can finally live in peace.

They all know that isn’t going to happen, but he can dream.

He can bring this to his boss and get payment, leave being Blackout behind and plead for forgiveness from Henry and Charlotte. Even if he knows that they’ll never truly be able to forgive him.

Henry’s eyes are widened, and his breathing quickened which is the most horrifying part because people usually die or stop moving after you take their souls-

And then there’s the scream. The heart wrenching scream of pure and utter pain. 

If only Charlotte were here. She would know what to do. She was smart, caring, and most importantly, she knew how to help people. The most he could do was put a hand on Henry’s shoulder and mutter false hopes that things were going to be okay.

Henry constantly attempted to move away from Jasper’s touch to no avail due to the state he was in. His body was barely able to move on its own.

This wasn’t supposed to happen, this wasn’t according to plan at all. They had told him that Henry would stop moving, maybe die, maybe be stuck in a coma-like state, but not still be alive. 

Not screaming so loud that it’s most certainly possible the people in the apartments next to them are hearing and believing someone’s getting murdered. They would be somewhat right.

There’s a distant look in his eyes, the same eyes that have been left wide open the entire time his soul has been in Jasper’s hands.

This is the only way. It has to be the only way. You take this to your boss, you stop thinking of Henry in any other way except for as a past friend that now hates you, and you move on. 

You. Move. On. Jasper grits his teeth, because the more he looks at Henry, the more he feels horrible for hurting someone he cares about so desperately, especially in this way.

Charlotte breaks down the door that was lazily barricaded to be met with the horrifying sight in front of her. Jasper’s arm is covered in a sickly dark green, the same color of Henry’s forcefield. The way his arm is glowing and Henry looks horrified. He would have used his forcefield by now.

If he could.

The guilt is never going to stop eating at her after this. She knew. She knew he was Blackout. It was too late to say anything.

While she’s in a state of shock, he takes his opportunity and runs. 

He pushes past her, and she screams out his name, trying to chase after him. 

The chase leads to nothing, because he loses her not even a few minutes in. He heard her fearful cries. 

Loud cries that were never going to leave his head for the next few months at the very least, that’s for sure. They were full of heartbreak, of betrayal. It reminded him in a sad way of how she screamed Henry’s name when he was carrying her out of the Man Cave before it blew up.

Everything has changed so much since then.

The location he’s running to is familiar. Hidden in a closed off subway, a place he’s been to plenty of times before. It was shocking how easy it was to hide from the Dystopian cops if you had the right places. 

He made sure to text his boss before entering just so nobody jumped him. 

His disguise wasn’t anywhere near him, and seeing anyone, especially someone associated with vigilantes entering a run-down subway would be suspicious. It’s not like anybody was awake, but simply better safe than sorry.

“I have Henry Hart’s soul.” He said upon entering the run-down area and being met with the heavily locked door, guarded by faces that he’s barely known for the last few months of his life aside from mandatory conversations about his progress.

Most of the time, they would greet him with unamused stares when he states that he wasn’t able to get Henry Hart and his soul.

This time, their eyes widened, and the door opened with haste, ushering him inside with urgency.

The exchange went by in a blur.

There were cheers, drinks making a clunk sound when the bottles hit each other, confetti raining down, and celebrations that “Henry Hart is gone!” He was offered a few drinks, but he refused, simply saying he was exhausted. They weren’t going to see him again after this party either way.

They gave him pats on the back, a ‘great job’, and ‘hope to hire you again’ before he was out of the subway and back on the Dystopia streets with no defense.

He was finally Jasper Dunlop again. He wasn’t Jasper Dunlop with an alter ego known as Blackout. He wasn’t a bounty hunter and a vigilante. He was just a vigilante. Working alone after everything that happened.

There was nobody else there to support him.

Most importantly, there was money in his hands in the form of a suitcase.

None of the walk back to the shared apartment felt real. The giant suitcase full of cash, cash that he was rewarded for assisting in the supposed murder of his best friend felt more like dragging a burden around rather than a reward.

It was supposed to feel good after so long, but nothing he did would make what happened that night feel right.

Henry was okay. He knew that, he knew all of it when Charlotte had texted him saying that Henry was in a stable condition, though he didn’t want to see the other man. The most shocking part was that Henry was still alive.

Charlotte told him ‘not yet’, however long ‘not yet’ would mean for him. It could mean hours or it could mean months. 

Jasper’s not mad. He understands entirely.

He’s only going there to drop off the money that they’re going to need more than him.

The worst part of it all? He still felt something for Henry. He still felt more than just a friendship. He felt that pit in his stomach when the man smiled, when the man laughed, and wished it could be so much more.

He threw any chance of that ever happening away.

Jasper doesn’t know how long it’s been since that night. It has to have been a week at least since then, but he hasn’t kept track of time. 

His phone buzzing drags him out of his stupor, and he leans over to check the device.

It’s a text from Charlotte.

‘we need to talk. meet us @ the hill?’

He knows what hill she’s talking about. It was a small hill on the outskirts of town that they went up to every so often to take a break from their crime-fighting and do whatever they wanted to do. Star-gazing, talking about life, whatever.

It’s not that far of a walk from where he is.

When he makes it there, Henry and Charlotte are already standing there. They fall silent when they hear his approaching footsteps.

He breaks the silence.  

“I’m so fucking sorry.”

He doesn’t cry. He’s become numb to that. Crying only left him in a state of pain that he would rather not experience.

It’s silent for a few moments, and he has his hands up the entire time to show he means no harm. He sees their gazes dart between each other constantly. 

“...Why did you do it in the first place?” Henry asks, his voice quiet yet full of confidence. 

Jasper clenches his fists and looks around before his gaze settles on Henry and Charlotte once more. He takes a deep breath.

“Because I love you Henry. That was that.” 

“...What?” It’s Charlotte’s turn to break the silence. She sounded shocked, but he knows it wasn’t intended to be in a mean way. 

“I- God. It’s stupid.” He sighs, running his hands up and down his face repeatedly. “I started realizing that hey, I like Henry as.. more than a friend! And when I got the opportunity to be Blackout and they asked me to take out Henry…” 

He paused for a moment, but realized that he really was free.  He could tell them safely.

“I thought that if I went through with it, my feelings would be gone.”

“...I’m guessing-” Charlotte started and used her hands to gesture at him.

“You’re right.” Jasper sighed. “They’re not.”

“And the truth is… I love you Henry.” 

This time, it’s Henry’s turn for his face to flush and he looks away with one hand over his mouth. It didn’t do much to hide the sheer amount of red on his face.

The blonde smiled when he looked back, and finally took his hand off of his face, stepping towards Jasper. 

He held his hand out towards Jasper’s own. Jasper took it with grace. 

“Oh! Jasper!” Henry calls out before the shorter male can fully pull away, and Jasper tilts his head in response, confused. The blonde leans in and presses a kiss against Jasper’s forehead.

“You forgot something.” He chuckled.

“You two are adorable, you know that?” Charlotte laughed. Jasper noted that she put her phone down, and he was going to have to plead with her to delete that picture later. Or really, to text him that picture and preserve it. Maybe even as an anniversary gift if they get that far.

There’s a bit of doubt in Jasper at first. There’s worry that he doesn’t deserve this after everything he’s done.

But there’s another part of him that’s simply enjoying the moment, because they’re free. They don’t have to worry about people hunting them. They don’t have to worry about any of that.

They had a lot to talk about. For now, Jasper thinks they'll be okay. The stars shine bright for them that night as his hand interlocks with Henry’s own. Charlotte looks at him with a smile, a genuine smile after so many that were full of doubt and uncertainty. 

He’s eternally grateful for her. For both of them.