#(but that's only me doing useless ranting...)
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Rise and Spit [Part 3] - A Mouthwashing AU
Behold, Chapter 3! Finally, Swansea makes his speaking debut.
Check it out on AO3 right here!
Content Warning:
General Jimmy Behvaior.
Word Count: 2,400
If Curly could be thankful about one thing, it would be that at least Jimmy seems to have lost interest in him.
While yes, him giving Curly pills continued to be awful and a dreaded part of his day, Jimmy seemed much more preoccupied with other things as of late.
Mainly, getting into the Utility room.
He had rambled about it for a long time during his last visit. Ranted about Swansea âschemingâ behind his back, and that he needed to know what he and Anya were hiding in Utility.
âHow did you deal with ants scheming behind your back, Curly?â Jimmy asked that so casually. Curly never really knew what Jimmy wanted from him when he did that. An answer? Wasnât going to happen at the best of times, much less when Jimmy has shoved his hand down his neck.
Curly wished his body had the strength to bite through Jimmyâs fingers. Heâd been getting much more bold with them recently. Seeing how far he could shove them down before he caused Curly to wretch. Seeing how long they could stay there until the captain needed to breathe.
He hated it. Even with the small blessing that Jimmy didnât visit as often as he did, it didnât change how much he had come to dread his friendâs presence.
The worst part is he didnât know how much Jimmy actually meant to do that. How much of this was malice, how much was a need for control, how much of this was frustration?
Curly didnât really think it mattered anymore.
Take responsibility
Maybe it never mattered in the first place.
âWere they this unruly when you were captain? And I just didnât notice?â
No. Just you.
âI know theyâre plotting something. But I canât get in to find out. Swansea has the keys and the ax. Maybe I could get Daisukeâs help. Unless thereâs some secret Captain knowledge I need to pry from you again.â
Curly shook his head. Heâd learned by this point. Learned to answer Jimmyâs questions as best he could. It was the fastest way heâd get left alone.
âI need to find the gun. Whereâd you put it?â
Curly shook his head again. He still had no clue where Anya had hidden it.
âFigures. Useless. Thereâs only two reasons to keep you alive at this point. Being useful I guess just isnât one of them. Guess youâre pretty lucky youâre my best friend, Curly. Thatâs reason enough for me. Iâm going to save you. And Iâm going to make things right. If only the others would just fucking cooperate.â
Curly felt sick hearing Jimmy call him his friend. How could he� After everything, how could he have the nerve?
He supposed with the same nerve that let him look Anya in the eye each and every day.
âHey Curly. When was the last time you had actual food?â
Curly shrugged. Probably since before the crash if he had to guess. There was no way his body could handle the ordeal of chewing and swallowing and digesting food at that point. Heâd probably just vomit it all back up if he had to guess.
âHmm. Iâll have to look into that.â
That didnât sit well with Curly. It left him staring at where Jimmy was, even when the man himself had long since left.
Curly wished he knew where everyone was. But the Med Bay was his whole world these days. With only a small window whenever the door to the Lounge and Med Bay were open at the same time. Flashes of the same artificial orange light of the window screen.
Sometimes he saw Daisuke and Swansea chatting about something or other. Sometimes he saw Anya pacing back and forth. Sometimes he saw Jimmy whipped up in some rant.
His windows were brief. But he supposed theyâd have to be enough for now.
It wasnât very long (he thought) before the door opened again. Curly had expected Anya, or maybe even Daisuke since heâd been coming to chatter with him more often.
He was partially correct.
Anya was there. And so was Swansea.
âNo kidding? Itâs here?â
âAs long as he didnât find it.â
What were they�
Curly watched as Anya mostly ignored him, instead squatting to reach a drawer under his bed. She fiddled with some lock or another before it slid open.
Son of a bitch.
The gun.
Curly couldnât help but wheeze a little laugh. It was right here. Right here the whole time. Anya had it the whole time, and Jimmy was too blind to think to look here.
âWhat are you laughing at?â
Curlyâs little moment of pride for Anya died pretty quickly under Swanseaâs glare. The older man looked at him like scum.
He knows he deserved that.
âWeâll deal with you later. Just stay out of the way. Youâre good at that.â
Yeah, he absolutely deserved that.
âSwanseaâŠâ Anya looked at the mechanic pleadingly. Curly and Swansea stared at each other before Swansea huffed and turned to look down at her.
âJust⊠Letâs get this figured out first. So you have no clue about the lock?â
âI know thereâs a code, but Jimmy has the code scanner. Not even sure where Iâd find that written down, even if I had it.â
âDamn. Okay, are you sure we canât just break it open with the ax?â
âCurly said it was designed to be break resistant. Weâd probably just dull the ax doing that.â
Curly listened as his crewmates speculated. The code⊠He knew the code. Or, he thought he did⊠If Anya didnât know the code, then she couldnât have changed it, right?
He couldnât speak⊠At least not enough to make numbers come out of his mouth. He looked around himself, trying to find anything, anything at all he could use to communicateâŠ
As insulting as the implication was, he really could use Jimmyâs button wall idea right about now.
And then he looked at the window screen. And his own arm.
This was going to hurt.
I hope this hurts.
With as much force as he could, he started hitting the screen with the stump of his wrist, trying to make a noise.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
Just getting that first number out caused waves of agony to shoot up and down his arm and shoulder. He wanted to scream. Maybe the screaming would get their attention.
But it also very well could get Jimmyâs.
Curly looked back towards Anya and Swansea. The two were still murmuring amongst each other. Anyaâs eyes flicked from the box to Curly, a worried look on her face.
The captain cursed internally.
He groaned. Gargled as loud a voice as he could muster. Anything to get their attention.
Swansea sighed. âYou just got your medicine, we saw Jim leave this place 20 minutes ago. Whatâs wrong now?â
âSwanseaâ Anya scolded. âHeâs still my patient. Do you need something, Curly?â
Curly tried banging on the screen again.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
âCurly, stop that, youâll only hurt yourself doing that. Do you need something?â
âWeâre trying to think here. You making that kinda racket isnât helping.â
Curly desperately shook his head and did it again. Maybe if he did it all in one goâŠ
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
âCurly, stop-â
He shook his head and paused.
1, 2, 3
Swansea reached to try and stop him, but he held his other arm out to keep him at a distance. He paused again, bracing himself for the last digit. Of course it had to be the highest number on the lock.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9
âWaitâŠâ Anya looked between Curly and the lock box. âWas⊠Was that the code? Curly, was that the code?â
Curly makes a noise of affirmation, nodding his head as best he can. His arm is in agony, whatâs left of his wrist starting to bleed, but he can hardly care.
He tapped on the window screen the sequence one more time, now that he knew for sure they were paying attention. It left blood marks on the staticy sunset, but that hardly mattered. He didnât take his eye off of Anya the entire time.
â7, 3, 9. Thatâs it, thatâs the code!â Anya made a triumphant little noise as the safety box clicked open. She made short work of sorting out the gun and the bullets, hiding it away in her jacket.
Curly nods, letting his arm finally fall back down, letting it hang off the bed as it drips a little bit of blood onto the Med Bay floor. Anya looked at the bruised limb and the smeared blood on the screen, darkening the orange light with dark red.
âCaptain⊠Curly, why did you do thatâŠ?â
The Captain couldnât look at Anya. What was there to say?
I had to help!
Well, then why did it take him so long to do so?
I want Jimmy stopped as much as you do!
How can he possibly say that after everything he let slip? That he only cares about it now that heâs being affected too?
I want to apologizeâŠ
She didnât need an apology from him now, she needed him to do something, anything, before.
In the end, Curly didnât make a coherent answer. He just made a soft noise and nodded at Anya. He hoped with all his being she could feel a fraction of the apology it was meant to be. And he wanted now more than ever to make his ruined voice make words.
âIt doesnât matter right now,â Swansea said. âRight now, we both have a weapon. We need to make our move, before that rat gets any other stupid ideas. Anya, are you clear on the plan?â
Anya had a look in her eyes. A worried one. Like she was bracing herself for something.
Swansea put a gentle hand on her shoulder. âHey. You know you donât have to do this, right? If you want, you can lock yourself in here, and Iâll take care of it.â
Anya seemed to think about it for a second before shaking her head. âNo. No, I have to help. I need to do this. For me.â
âAtta girl. Go get something to eat. Iâll be right behind you.â
Anya gave a worried glance over to Curly and his bleeding arm. âI should patch him up first. He did help get the case open.â
Swansea gives Curly a look of consideration.
â...Fairâs fair, I guess. Do what you need to do. Iâll watch the door.â
Curly didnât want to admit how much he missed her touch. Or, maybe it was just a gentle touch in general. So he made sure to savor the moment, of Anya diligently reapplying bandages to his arm, stopping the bleeding, and giving him another once over.
âThat should do for now⊠Try and take it easy Curly. Okay?â
Curly nodded, hoping that sheâs at least understanding his gratitude.
âNow you need to eat,â Swansea insisted at Anya. âGo. Iâll wrap things up here.â
âOkay. Thank you, Swansea. For everything.â
âEh, donât mention it. You and Daisuke just need to keep each other busy and let me work when this is all over, got it?â
Anya rolled her eyes and smiled a little.
âYeah yeah, we will. But I better not catch you drinking mouthwash again. That was the deal, yeah?â
âFine. If we get out of this mess.â
Anya gave Swansea a little peck on the cheek before leaving for the Lounge.
Curly could feel the older manâs eyes on him. And the withering glare returned. He wanted to hide under the bed somehow. Or disappear into that broken vent.
âSo what. You suddenly care now?â
Curly turned his head to meet the glare. He looked at the ax firmly in Swanseaâs grasp. He knew he deserved this.
Take responsibility.
âDidnât seem to give a shit when you could actually be helpful. Change of heart or something? Or is it because you need her to stay alive?â
Curly shook his head at that last accusation.
âJesus Christ.â Curlyâs world shifted as he was pulled up by the collar of his hospital gown. His breathing tightened as he looked into Swanseaâs eyes. âListen to me you little coward. All this shit is on your hands. You got us into this mess. You might not have been the one to hurt Anya directly, but she sure as shit is still hurt by you. If it were up to me, I wouldâve stuck this ax in your head and put you out of your misery.â
Swansea moved closer suddenly. Too suddenly. Curly flinched as much as his body would allow, his mind replacing Swanseaâs face with someone elseâs.
I hope this hurts
Take responsibility
The motion made the old man pause for a moment. His face was still furious. But⊠something, for a moment, softened. Swansea, instead of just dropping him, gently set the captain back down.
âBut it ainât up to me, at least not entirely. Daisukeâs too much of a god damn good person to want to ax you. And AnyaâŠâ
Curly stared at Swansea as he seemed deep in thought.
â...Anyaâs not sure what she wants to do with you yet. Maybe you won her favor just now. Maybe she doesnât wanna waste anymore energy on you. I dunno. But whatever it is she wants to do, Iâll do it. But I want you to know something. Whatever she decides, donât go looking to me for help. Youâre not worth it.â
Curly simply nodded. The motion seemed to surprise Swansea a bit. But what else could he do? He knew it was all true. He wouldnât blame Anya in the slightest if she decided he was dead weight.
The two men stared at each other for a long time.
âSwansea? Dude, itâs meal time.â
Swansea looked back at Daisuke, standing in the doorway. The kid seemed to look between his mentor and the captain, a nervous expression on his face.
â...Right. Yeah, Iâll be right there.â Swansea looked back down at Curly. â...Weâll see.â
And thus, Curly was alone again. He stared at the ceiling, numb to it all. He knew Swansea was right. He was worse than dead weight. He couldnât plead his case, even if he wanted to.
And he found that he didnât.
Anya deserved to be free of the burdens.
All of them.
Curly didnât know how much time had passed before the door to the Med Bay opened again. âI canât ever tell if youâre awake or not.â
Please noâŠ
Jimmy closed the door behind him. And he locked it.
#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#anya mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#swansea mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#fanfic#my fanfiction#my writing
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OUGGHHHH UR RARIJACK IS SO (explodes intio confetti with joy )
have uou considered: them trying on outfits they picked for each other?
or or or
Rarity washing and braiding AJs hair
or
Them celebrating the others birthday, trying to figure out what to get them and surprising them n all that
or them baking together and wgatever Ensues out of that
ANYWAYS KEEP DOIN YO THANG THEY R SO CUTE â€ïžâ€ïžâ€ïž
Oh, I have lots of ideas for them.
Because I'm drawing them pre/early-relationship, I have a lot of stuff I haven't gotten to yet. I think, despite Rarity falling in love first, AJ is the most outwardly and obviously in love. Like, girl is in LOVE with her wife. The type to take off her jacket and put it over a puddle so her wife can cross. The type to walk around with hearts popping over her head.
Something I definitely wanna get around to drawing is how they were when Rarity first moved to Ponyville, because they would've hated each other, lol. AJ going from, "I can't stand her fake ass. đ" to, "Yes Miss Rarity. Anything you want, Miss Rarity. đ„Ž" Or Rarity going from, "What a big, dirty brute. đĄ" to "What a big, dirty brute. đ„”"
Anyways, later one comic idea I had for when they eventually get married is Rarity comes home to catch AJ trying to surprise her with a dinner. But things are going awry because AJ is so stressed and nervous about making everything perfect, and she even burns her apple pie. She has a bit of a breakdown because she feels she can't do anything right like she's supposed to anymore, and Rarity comforts her and tells her, why don't they bake the pie together? The comic ends with the two kneading dough together.
#esafagus#ask me#i've stated this in previous comics but aj is a bottom and rarity is a top#rarity does that classic seductress cartoon thing where she grabs aj's collar or tie and pulls her along#i think i've gotten the more suggestive ideas out there already so it's gonna be sweet and wholesome stuff from now on#also gonna use this time to do a mini rant of how the hell were they not endgame#they did an entire âthere's only one bed!â routine and fought over blankets in SEASON ONE#there was an ENTIRE episode where the b plot is they argue over useless junk they wanna buy and then argue that they're#the better partner and is willing to let the other buy that useless junk before ending with both buying something sweet for the other#THERE'S AN ENTIRE EPISODE where rarity's mad aj won't take time off work to go on a proper date because she's a workaholic#THEY WERE MARRIED BEFORE THEY EVEN STARTED DATING
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Charbee Prompts Part 7
(im going to number these now)
What if Bee never left the garage?
What if Charlie decided to not go to work
What if Charlie watched over Bee after the police chase?
Bee was never found. After a year of no results, the government got impatient and killed the Shatter and Dropkick and destroyed any trace of their presence, not even daring to use their technology out of fear of the Soviets getting their hands on them. The Autobots still arrive on Earth but Bee was missing, unable to be contacted and traced.
For the past seven years, Charlie and Bee were inseparable. Charlie didnât want Bee to be cooped up all his life so after she went to trade school for auto mechanics, she decided to spend the next few years traveling the world with her best friend, taking side jobs as a mechanic.
While visiting a few countries in Europe, Bee sees the beacon from the transwarp key. Realizing that only Bee could see it, the two hopes that there are other people like him. Bee searches for any sign of the transwarp key and follows the sign to Peru. They look around and detects Cybertronian activity on two terribly disguised humans, Elena and Noah, sneaking through a parade and into an underground temple. Charlie follows them into the cave which the Autobots take notice.
After Noah and Elena finds the key missing, Charlie accidentally reveals herself and is held at gunpoint. Noah tells Mirage that someone followed them so Charlie runs away. Noah and Elena chase after her before all three being cornered by Primal. Mirage arrives, aiming his blaster at Primal and Charlie, who realizes that thereâs more robots like Bee. When Mirage gets tackled, Bee comes rushing in to defend Charlie.
The rest of the Autobots arrive, overjoyed and shocked to see Bee alive but Bee doesnât recognize them. Arcee scans Bee, realizing that he has no memory. Optimus assures Bee that they will come to no harm to Charlie and after some convincing, he alongside the Maximals stand down. Although, Bee is wary about the Autobots.
The bots reveal that Bee was a scout named B-127 and that their species in a middle of a war. Prime expects Bee to come back but Bee doesnât want to leave, wanting to stay with Charlie. It starts tension that leads to an arguement that Charlie tries to calm down. Optimus, in his rage, blames Charlie which leads to Bee accidentally activating his gun out of protection and nearly shooting Prime. In his shock and fear, Bee storms away.
Bee apologizes to Charlie who knows that he didnât mean to put her in danger. He feels a bit uncomfortable, wanting to go back to the status quo. Charlie says that Bee has to leave because he has people who needs him even though Bee doesnât want to. Neither does Charlie but she doesnât say anything.
The Terrorcons then attack and Bee helps fight them while the humans run away. Charlie sees Noah trying to destroy the key but she tries to convince him not to and confesses that she loves Bee so much that she wants him to return home. Optimus and Noah hears this and Noah changes his mind. Charlie and Elena gets captured by Airazor but while Elena gets dropped, Charlie is taken away.
Bee is furious but doesnât want to fight, having no collective memory on how to. Optimus is understanding and allows him to sit out so they can save Charlie.
The usual fight happens. Scourge holds Charlie captive and Mirage saves her, telling her to run through the vents Noah and Elena are using. When Noah is caught, Charlie tries to protect him, leading to Mirage sacrificing himself for both of them. Mirage turns into a suit for Noah and gives Charlie a blaster to defend Elena with.
Bee is back with the natives and debates to go. He doesnât want to be in a war but remembers Charlieâs words and at the same time, the Energon blast erupts, giving Bee his memories again. Bee arrives at the fight and the movie ends as usual.
Bee and Charlie both prepare to part ways, hugging and confessing, until Optimus says that the Charlie can help Noah rebuild Mirage, allowing her to stay a little bit longer.
#transformers#transformers rise of the beasts#bumblebee#charlie watson#noah diaz#charbee#rise of the beasts#rotb#transformers rotb#bumblebee 2018#charbee bad mood rambles#pls ignore the tags#this is just me ranting#im sorry#i hate how everyone in my family is miserable#i hate how everyone is dissensitized to their trauma#it should be a good thing but it hurts knowing youâre so used to pain that you canât feel it anymore#i hate how i have a prosperous life but itâs not a good one#i want my family to be happy#so why does it feel like everyone makes it their mission to make everyone miserable#i hate it here#i feel useless#im the privileged one and i hate it#im a bully and i want to stop#my existence only hurts people#i can be as nice as much as i want and i still canât do anything#my funeral will be only filled with people i have lied to#but im not strong enough to die#not yet
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Something that always annoys me is the idea only 1 language learning method works. Which is not true. While it may be possible that, for a particular individual, only a few out of many study methods may work well enough for That Individual to make progress and stay motivated... that doesn't mean all the other study methods won't work for anyone else out there, or that those few methods will work for every other given person.
Obviously if you've been studying a while, then you already figured out what kinds of things work for you and don't. If you're a beginner, just wading into studying?
I would suggest you simply look for study methods that: 1. Teach you new things regularly, 2. Review and practice things you've learned, 3. Include studying things you need for your particular goals (for example if your goal is to read X book then the study materials at some point should involve reading practice and some words the book contains, if your goal is to talk about Y then the study materials should include some information about pronunciation and words you'll need to be able to say).
As you can imagine, a TON of study materials will meet these requirements. And you can study a given skill in a LOT of ways.
(Reading is my focus lol so just for reading, a beginner might: do vocabulary study with lists or conversations with native speakers or watching shows and looking words up or listening to dialogues with a transcript like in a textbook or graded readers or a picture book with word labels in the target language or a video game with labelled objects in target language, all of those things as long as your vocabulary is improving or reading practice is happening would help you make progress). So to improve reading skill as a beginner: you could study with a textbook, a podcast with transcript, a classroom or tutor with words written down in target language (like TPRS), a video game, a TV show and a translate app on your phone, a friend you talk with (who either writes words down or you look up words you hear with a translate app), a friend you text with, srs flashcards like anki (provided there's text) etc. As long as there's new words, and/or you're practicing reading, the study method may work. If it works will come down to if you can stay motivated doing it regularly, and make sure you regularly learn some new things and review/practice things you've already studied.
So consider those things when you see people selling a study method as a product (especially when it's costing you money). Consider if it teaches you NEW things, and are those new things related to your goals, and how MUCH new stuff will it teach you before you finish it? Consider if it provides review or practice, or if you can use it's materials to review on your own making up your own method, or if you'll need to do separate review/practice.
So examples:
LingQ. Can it teach you many new words? Yes, thousands, since you can import any texts you want when you get done with their provided material (I have no idea how much their beginner material covers though in terms of words... I would hope 1000-3000 words but that can be researched). Is your goal reading? It's suited to reading, so you will practice and review often with it. Cost? I think it was $12 a month when I last had it, and the price may have increased. Is it worth it? Depends on a learner's needs. I found it was wasting my money, so I chose to use free tools like Pleco and Readibu apps - since those apps are suited for Chinese learners and have better translations, Pleco has better paid graded reader material if I was going to spend money, and both Pleco and Readibu let me import texts so I can learn thousands of new words just like LingQ but free. Now that I'm not a beginner, I often use Microsoft Edge to read chinese... since I can still click-translate words easily (all my web browsers have that tool free), and Edge's TTS voice is helpful for pronunciation and sounds quite good. I read webnovels online so Edge works well. But it's translations aren't as good as Pleco or Readibu, so if I still needed translations more I would use them. So... is LingQ a good study method? Its certainly a study method marketed to buy. Well... the method is suited to improving reading skill, at least. It costs money, which is a negative, but it does offer a lot. However: everything it does regarding reading can be done free with other apps or sites or web browsers on their own. So if paying money motivates you to read... sure. LingQ does have a few word tracking features a learner may find worth the money, keeping in mind the actual read-to-learn method can be done free without lingq. (Also... while LingQ is a valid option for improving reading, if the learners goal is speaking then it would be important to think of what study activities the learner will do OUTSIDE of LingQ to improve speaking... because I've seen how LingQ is marketed as "how to learn a language" but it's only focused on some skills. It has vocabulary and grammar in some sense, since you'll read a lot and encounter new words and structures. But it doesnt have speaking or writing practice at least last time I was on it. Those activities would need to be worked on, on your own).
You can do that kind of cost/benefit contemplating with any study method material you see being sold. Amother example: there's a beginner Mandarin course called Mandarin Blueprint. It teaches like 800 words. Thats all. It may be worthwhile for a beginner... who still needs to learn 800 common words. But if you already know a few hundred words, the benefit of the course is less, you'll need to find a new material to teach you more new stuff soon. And the price was like a few hundred for the course... which for me personally was too much to spend, when I had already learned 800 hanzi from a book that cost me 12 dollars and 2000 words from a free user made memrise deck. The course claimed to get a person speaking, competent, but anyone not a beginner would say speaking basically with 800 words is nowhere near the level of working in Chinese or just doing a lot of daily life stuff, or reading/listening to media. (Although for the motivated beginner if you're learning 800 words on your own like I was, its definitely close to the point of jumping to learn more words and start reading kids and teenager books, and watching easier shows if you're willing to look new words up). So to me... Mandarin Blueprint felt like overselling some basic beginner materials. (Again when I know several other things that teach beginner stuff either more in depth so HSK test prep classes, and college courses, or that teach beginner stuff to the same depth as Mandarin Blueprint but free).
Some study materials aren't going to act like they teach everything. I've seen chinese courses just for learning to speak tones better and general pronunciation - probably worthwhile if your goal is to improve speaking and a teacher could help improve the issues your having. But a learner needs to be aware for that course that they'll need to study vocabulary on their own, its JUST a pronunciation improvement course.
#rant#i saw a lot of comments on forums yesterday thinking automatic language growth alg was like snake oil#aka a scam. but it can be done for free (free lessons online) and for people who#learn well from visual context and guessing (i learn well that way) the lesson style DOES result in learning new words and grammar#so provided you can find ALG type free lessons that teach 1000+ words (ideally 3000+ words) then you will learn#enough grammar and words to then move onto native speaker content to continue studying. so all free#i have not seen yet how ALG helps students with speaking or writing yet though. so i can only say it for sure improves passive skills#specifically listening with new words and grammar. and listening translates to reading if you practice that on your own#even just with subtitles or podcast transcripts.#the issue for me is can i find alg courses that teach a thousand words in a timely manner (and free if thats my personal requirement)#i think Dreaming Spanish and Comprehensible Thai do have enough free courses to teach 1000+ words#so those ones would get you to possibly intermediate b1 level in passive listening skill#and then its up to you on if 1 that meets your goal 2 you learn well with that lesson type 3 you are motivated to do the lessons#like... duolingo itself is not completely useless... it teaches 3000 words on most courses (and maybe 1500 common words). the big issue for#me with duolingo is it takes me AGES to complete a lesson and complete a course (years). cause i cant focus on it#whereas with duolingos content... its beginner content. at best it will get Reading skill to A2 or low B1#and maybe other skills if you practice OUTSIDE duolingo with the words and grammar u learned.#so getting to A2 vocab shouldnt take me more than a year to learn (based on how i study). i can learn it in 6 months if i#just study a wordlist on paper and a grammar guide online. so since duolingo takes me 4 times LONGER to study than the other methods i use?#duolingo is a waste of my time. not worth it (and it markets itself as if it will get a learner to B2 when it wont. and it markets#as if 1 lesson a day is all you need. to make progress in 6 months in duolingo like my wordlist study...#you'd need to be doing duolingo 1-3 hours a day... which duolingo does not tell u to do. and most learners dont
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im sorryyyyy i dont wanna be a mean bitch but genuinely i feel like im the one of only ppl who are actually alone bc i keep seeing all of these ppl complain abt how alone they are then they post a bunch of pics with their friend groups and they go on trips and celebrate their birthdays with friends and im like đŠ?????????? im ngl i lowkey feel betrayed bc like yes sure we can relate on "feeling lonely" but ig at the end of they day im so sorry im not saying this to gatekeep loneliness or whatever but like u just cannot relate to what it feels like to not only feel lonely but also be alone and not even have people who want to spend moments with u. and feel and be like on your birthday you're alone. on your insta you're alone. irl u dont have ppl who even want to make plans with u. i know i know that everyone's loneliness is valid and you can still have partners and friends and feel lonely and that is valid i really do think so. idk i just feel so fkn alienated from everyone, including people who say theyre lonely - bc they still have ppl to talk to and ppl to be with and ppl who wants to be with them and consider them their friend lol.... i dont have anyone to take pics with or have groupchats with or go to concerts with or go for walks with and i dont have anyone to message abt stupid things or blah lahblahblah it doesnt even matter atp
#and like i am really really lucky that i have one person i talk to on a regular basis and have been for almost two years#and that he stills wanna be friend even if hes seen my insane person rants abt him on here#like genuinely i'd prob slowly wither and die without having had experienced talking to him#ig its not even only other ppl it is my avpd#if i just send a message thats like casual everyday talk between friends#im first freaking out abt it for hours bc i obviously deserve to DIE for even bothering them with a message#so even if i long for certain things its like well yeah i cant do that bc i deserve to die and im worthless useless and a bother and burden#and why would i force someone to waste time on me when they have ppl out there who are actually worth their time#i dont know#i just feel sad bc i checked insta and someone who talks abt being alone often posted pics of them celebrating their bday with friends đ#and ofc everyone are valid to feel what they feel!!!! i know that!!!!!! it just hurts selfishly lmaooo#bc i am lonely but i will spend my bday crying in my room alone#like i have been for the past years#not even my own family wants to spend it with me#i talk a little abt plans w my mom and she acts like im holding her hostage đđđ#so idk she'll prob agree but it wont feel great bc i know she doesnt really wanna spend time w me#anyway...... we're all alone as i get to hear all thw time#its just that most ppl who are alone also have partners and friends and family members or even a therapist haha đ#i dont care tho its all good ^-^#also one of my old bully friends is marrid and just got her baby and she messaged me like hii how are u?#like what do u even want me to say.... cool... u have traveled the world u have found love u have made a ton of new friends#while still having your old friend group (that i got dumped by) and u even have your own kid#i am a fkn loser who should just die tbh#so yeah im doing great hahahha just gonna kms real quick đžđđ»#but idc tho đ
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I'm gonna be honest that I was imagining Riddle to be the SSR for Queendom of Roses (bc, c'mon, he's the Queen of Hearts) but, on a second thought! ch1 is a lot of "Mrs. Rosehearts this and that" and even in the manga, we didn't have a lot of Mrs. Spade so...
in short, Deuce was an unexpected but wonderful [pun intended] choice for the event and I only know Mrs. Spade for a couple of flashbacks and images but she's up there in the "good moms ranking"
or how we say in Brazil, like in 2014, "não conheço mas, jå considero pacas"
#twisted wonderland#deuce spade#mrs spade#white rabbit festival#twst event#one image and i'm like âOMG she's so Deuceâ#she has this soccer mom energy but she's nice as well#can't wait to see her and the boys#the inevitable adoption of epel ortho and silver as deuce's brothers#(i also feel old using old slang phrases in my language bc of that generational gap that keeps going)#(kids nowadays uses a lot of different slangs and mostly from twitter)#(but that's only me doing useless ranting...)#cherry's mumbling about twst
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HOW am i meant to find photo reference for my stupid underfed old sweatshirt too-short jeans currently living his sad backstory 17-year old looser boy? What are the search terms for this?
#how#this is impossible#this is about an oc if that wasn't already clear#am I just supposed to go to public places and look for people?????#HOW do you look up 'ill-fitting jeans' references#i suspect you don't I am made to suffer#all this because I need something/one else to thumbnail for an assignment because the character I WAS gonna do it with is already past the#thumbnail stage apparently#given I can't thumbnail her#I'm in the refinement stage with her#Willber could still do with some fundamental conceptualization#but how am I supposed to do that EFFECTIVELY without REFERENCES#rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I'm just going to have to settle for completely wrong references and fix them myself aren't I?#i might give up on either of them for this assignment and do something completely unrelated#just so the darn art mentor I'm not on the same page with doesn't get to say irrelevant and useless things about my personal art projects#only one more month and then I'm out#not a waste of money but I'm disappointed that this [online art course] doesn't seem to be a useful path to take#I just want a dang PATH#why do I have to keep TRYING#just give me a clear goal and insurmountable enemies I'll stick to it#feather rants
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#so im gonna be a lil bitch on main for a minute#ive been offline for a while#pretty much absent from all my socials#im in a pickle financially like i have no money anywhere#my credit cards are maxxed#my bank account is negative 400 dollars#im getting 20 dollars less in disability benefits a month without a clear reason for the witholding#granted its only 20 bucks less but that still makes a huge difference when thats my ONLY source of income#AND i am moving into a new apartment which should be an exciting experience finally moving out of my parents house and on my own and all BUT#even with the voucher program i would need an additional 600 to be able to afford my rent share and utilities#on top of being negative 400 dollars a month so now thats -1000#WHICH end result and the crux of this whole rant#i can no longer help#like i am fucking useless right now and people are literally dying#i have many unanswered asks from gazans right now that I cannot even help bc im so broke#it feels really bad bruv like reallybad#feels like absolute shit#and it ust feels so wrong to ask for help when others need it more#like i dont think i could do that#wtf man#is it me upset that my entire disability check goes to bills to the point where i overdraft every month? yeah sure#my art does not sell and ive tried everything! like it just DOES NOT sell#and it all kinda boils down to me not having any sort of following online#i just breached 200 followers here after 13 years on this website#most are inactive blogs from years ago so i maybe have like... 10 active followers?#whiny usamerican rant over for now#delete later
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I sit here like âwhy does the algorithm hate me why do I never get tractionâ and then I only post once every three weeks
#To be fair instagram fucks me over no matter what my posting schedule is#And I donât use tumblr enough to fully know how itâs algorithm works#Other than reblogs are important and likes are essentially useless#Twitter is honest to god the only place I can get good traction on my art#I honestly dont care that much about the likes and shit but I thrive on validation unfortunately#Iâm just gonna keep doing what Iâm doing (with the exception of maybe posting slightly more often) and hope one day I get a banger post#yardi yells#rant in tags#tumblr is confusing
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I don't get why we want AI to make art so bad?
Shouldn't it be the other way around? AI/robots doing work that we don't want to do while we can spend more time on creative work or whatever?
#it makes me kind of sad?#what if in the future I buy a book/piece or art/listen to a song and there is nothing human about it but you can't tell anymore#like I said this world is cooked#useless information#.. I saw an article about AI art being sold for millions which prompted this thought#and like if that happens what is even the point of existing anymore#only our 9-5 job and thats it because ai does everything else?#even if my drawings are not perfect and Im not that talented I'd rather make them myself with my own hand and brain#same goes for langage like yes ai is very convenient for translating and such#but I get way more satisfaction from actually learning the language I am interested in myself#I may sound like a boomer but man what are we doing#ok this was my rant#language fml*
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siiiiiiigh
#i am in fact a grown adult who is still incapable of talking about their feelings and thoughts to people so I'll just rant here#my relationship with my mother is. so weird. it's not always bad but it always ends up bad for one reason or another#she can be perfectly civil and i'll still be irritated. other times i do try to tolerate it and engage and she ends up saying something#upsetting to me either way.#i don't want to keep being rude to her i don't want to get mad and annoyed all the time but i just can't stop. it's always like this#and i hate myself for it and i hate her and i hate everything about it#today i was leaving for work and she was like. i'll take the trash out of your room and i told her not to do it. she kept insisting and i#had to raise my voice at her to maybe get the point across to get her not to touch anything#and yes my room is a fucking mess and it is something to be embarrassed of. i just feel so fucking tired all time time and i keep tellin#myself that i will clean it this time for sure and then i don't. most of the time it's my mother taking care of it without my permission#and i am grateful for it bc nobody likes living in a mess... but i also fucking hate it because it makes me feel even more worthless#i just can't get rid of the feeling of shame. no matter what i do.#and back to the mother thing. i told her that if she touches anything i will go to her room and throw out anything that isn't nailed down#even though objectively i have no reason to oppose her helping me#but i also fucking hate it#maybe being rude is the only way to get it across. but also i get irritated about anything so easily#i feel shittier and shittier every day. had there been an easy and painless way of killing myself i would have done it already#and despite how much i want to blame this on a disorder or lack of access to medication. there is no magic pill that would fix me is there#i'm just a shitty person who cannot get it together despite everything being handed to me#i'm literally bad at anything and everything. i'm not even a good blogger lmao#people have it much worse in life and still do better. me? i'm useless. there's no helping it. i should have died from covid or something#nobody will save me. nobody cares enough. besides one person whom i push away because i can't stand her and i don't even know why đ#if i stop messaging people first most of them would forget about me#i am alone. a lonely person in a messy room desperately trying to be entertaining so someone will pay a little bit of attention to me.#not to mention the geopolitics#i won't even go there. i hate the possibility that people might see it mentioned and give me shit for it#one more thing that is apparently my fault. directly or indirectly#all i want is to leave this country. spend the day with someone who cares for me like an actual friend. and then shoot myself so i don't#have to go back#sealene.txt
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hi just a little reminder that most jegulus shippers arenât women-hating misogynists <3
#ranting in the tags#but#gay people existing and loving each other doesnât automatically mean that women donât have value#and maybe some of you explore why you only think lily has value if sheâs in a relationship with james#because women are so so phenomenal#and we can (and do) have so much value without being in relationships#(esp with men)#and donât get me started on the surrogacy discourse#cus guess what#women can be surrogates and still!! have!! value!!#listen itâs not my fav trope either but can we stop acting as if lilyâs character is useless if sheâs not dating james#anyways idk if this is coherent but i wanted to share â€ïž
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Never ever EVER buy household appliances with ai in them. Most ridiculous things Iâve ever encountered
#to be clear i did not buy one but had to use one to do a load of laundry (who needs ai in a laundry machine??) and let me tell you it was#useless.#first the thing apparently âsenses the dirty ness of your clothes to calculate the wash cycleâ which then would only ever decide to do a#cycle that took 4. freaking. hours. never have i encountered a washer that takes longer than an hour to wash your clothes.#and without the ability to manually say you want it to be a specific time? makes no sense. who has that kind of time in their day.#NEXT we go to dry the clothes and it also wants to run it for an insane amount of time. so we click it anyways (horrible decision)#and think oh weâll just open it halfway through#well. upon stopping the cycle halfway through the damn thing says that the door is locked because itâs âtoo hot.â#never have i seen something that thinks iâm going to burn myself on my hot clothes. like cmon#also cause opening the door would be a surefire way to cool the clothes down youâd think??#so we try all sorts of troubleshooting things and even unplugging it and it STILL WOULDNT UNLOCK.#the damn thing is still locked btw. dunno if ill ever get those clothes back#so glad this at least isnât actually a dryer we spent money on and just one that was here while weâre traveling and need to do laundry#but like. cmon#thereâs no reason we shouldnât be able to decide how long to wash our clothes for and instead let a âsmartâ (hint: itâs not smart) machine#do it for us#(hint part 2: this isnât just about the clothes)#soni rambles#more like soni RANTS#i was already angry about the idea of ai in appliances but experiencing first hand how bad they are makes me even more angry#and a little scared for the future#now itâs 2am and the laundry is still stuck and im too upset to go to sleep. gah#and i donât get mad easily.#oh and did i mention that to dry your clothes it wouldnât let you select a temperature?? that it only said it would sense it itself??#see i like to dry all my clothes on low heat cause ive had a history of them shrinking#so not only are they trapped in the machine but itâs âtoo hotâ because it wouldnât let us select a lower temperature.#luckily i didnât put anything in thatâs a material that usually shrinks
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i love muting people on twitter some of you bitches are very dumb
#what do you MEAN gojo wasnât traumatized by toji??? đ#i donât think that gege has to spoonfeed every single morsel of information for you⊠like if you READ the manga youâd know đ#why is the reason gojo works so tirelessly on his infinity??? during his fight w sukuna why was he reminded of toji???#LIKE HELLO??? this is why heavily shipper brains are so useless to me#this one was goge shipper and for some reason they just completely watered down gojoâs personality/trauma like HUH#geto isnât the only person who went through things đ#also saying that geto was the only person who saw gojo as a person⊠thatâs true to an extent#pre-defection geto ABSOLUTELY! gojo never was around Normal People so thatâs why he acts the way he acted itâs obvious#but iâd argue post-defection geto⊠even for a little bit⊠saw gojo as a tool rather than a human#bc he even tells gojo that if suguru was gojo then his impossible ideals wouldnât be impossible anymore simply by the virtue of being gojo#i think after people realize satoruâs strength they immediately throw away his humanity#which is something that his kids donât really care much for⊠like yeah gojo sensei is strong but the 1st years donât gaf that much đ#i think they see him more for his personality than his Strength but they obviously know heâs the strongest#and i think they know he wants them to be strong too#satoru also said he can only save people who want to be saved#i think heâs in constant of his students for that reason too⊠they save each other & communicate & are allowed to be kids#i think also bc satoru finds it so important to enjoy the mundane things of life and to enjoy friendships bc thatâs the only thing that +#he himself had cultivated during his years as as student too#this became a rant but . @ shippers & @ anyone stupid⊠stop watering down gojo#itâs my biggest pet peeve idk why but nothing pisses me off more in the jjk sphere than people watering down gojo#just bc his trauma manifested in different ways doesnât mean that he wasnât hurt đ#like donât forget about satoru gojo!!!!!! heâs a lot more emotionally perceptive/mature than people give him credit for#personal
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I'm gonna have a villain arc soon if these wretched cockroaches keep bothering me. I wish magic was real so I can learn a spell that specifically kills cockroaches within my vicinity.
#aria rants#either its gonna rain soon or someone sprayed Something outside which caused a BUNCH OF GODDAMN COCKROACHES TO ENTER THE HOUSE#theyre so annoying. bitches ya have no use inside the house GET THE FUCK OUTSIDE! i hate cockroaches soooo badly#theyre the most useless when inside a house cuz wtf are yall even doing inside A BUILDING WITH BARELY ANY SMALL CRITTERS#THAT YOU CAN BE USEFUL TO GET OUT!!! theyre so dirty. theyre so annoying. theyre the most useless when outside the context#of being in the wild for other small critters to eat. they live only to be eaten and annoy me to no end with the skitterin AND FLYING ABOUT#ive been spraying laundry detergent on em to get them away from me and make them dizzy and just die from it if thats possible#id kill em honestly. smack em dead. but doing that causes MORE MESS with their insides staining the surface and ouououuoghghg#disgusting. cockroaches are so disgusting i hate em so badly. stay outside goodness gracious YOURE NOT NEEDED HERE#my energy supply was low from being sleepy but that cockroach mayhem just filled me with spite and woke my system up
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Okay finally posting my pics from when I went to Hanger-7 on Saturday July 1st !!
RB9 đ„č
STR3 !!!
RB16B
RB7
Various Red Bull-Saubers(including Kimi's first F1 car!!!)
Tbh I think seeing these cars was more surreal and insane to me than going to the actual race the very next day. I think it's because I'm more deranged about the 2010s than nowadays(for the most part), so seeing all these incredibly iconic cars in the flesh(especially ones like the STR3 and Hungry Heidi) was just unbelievable to me. And the fact that it's free entry as well??? Yeah yeah, feel free to waltz into our aircraft hanger, free of charge, and witness these spectacles of engineering đ„±
#as i said it was just super surreal to be standing next to those cars after seeing so many pics and watching so many vids of them#like ??? im standing next to seb's first gp winning car ????#im standing next to seb's 2nd wdc winning car rn?????#(ALSO OMG SEEING BOTH MARK AND SEB'S NAMES ON THE RB7 HEHEHEHE FOREVER IMMORTALIZED TOGETHER)#im standing next to *the* 13x race winner 4th wdc winning Hungry Heidi rn??????????????????#like the fact that they had (i think) 4 championship cars just there is insane to me#(also shhhhh i dont know which chassis they have obv so dont be like 'well actually!' to me)#no rb6 tho :( which is a shame bcs thats my fav rb car but god so many other favs so its okay#actually i think they had rb6 but in a different livery so i only have like one pic of it#but anyways i guess its also just more surreal than the gp bcs i was standing so close and getting to appreciate it all#whereas the gp was more of an experience and a really really insane thing to go to and experience rather than appreciate more finely ig?#but yeah do you guys like when i say ill post pics soon and then dont do so until 10 days later?#tbf i just didnt want to post them on the race wknd...but now its almost the race wknd again#btw they had some more cars. i think the rb10 and rb13? but the ones i posted are all my babies yknow#hahaha wait for my course we're supposed to write reflections(in german my god) abt some places we visited right?#and ill do them i swear i swear but like my brain was pretty useless at trying to write that much german while doing so much else#so the only one ive ended up writing was abt going to hanger 7 and how unglaublich it was and it was basically just a rant#omg also!! i have a pic w hungry heidi !!!! (and rb16b boycar ofc)#its so funny bcs basically until the day of i was unsure if i was going to see this alone bcs the guy who ended up going w me was unsure#so id just constantly daydream abt what it would be like to have to ask a stranger to take a pic of me with rb9#but luckily my friend did! but god no way was i leaving that hanger without taking a pic with at least one beloved#red bull racing#f1#formula 1#formula one#rb9#catie.rambling.txt#rb7#str3#rb16b
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