#(but mostly they're just idiots)
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Erm!! I did more art!!!!!! My art style is so inconsistent I want to draw more realistically but I'm goofy goober at my core....... Gehahahaha
Also???? Pony Error under cut??????? (and a few error sketches!) Hidden slightly because I'm still a bit unsure about the design RAHH
I think it'd be cool if he had strings all over his body like he was some mangled stupid hasbro official pony plushie...... but the strings were like insanely last minute LMAO so I want to redo it again with that in mind.... when the pony takes me over again.
Transcript for Pony Info (because my handwriting is a bit messy)
PONY INFO!
Strings run along entire body
Used to have a cutie mark, but the file is "lost"
Horn sparks & glitches dangerously when using magic
-> Not harmful to him, but strong emotions can cause it to flare up (basically when the horn starts fuzzing a lot you know he's close to a full-on reboot)
Whatever the hell this thing is core -> (pic of very stupid looking Hasbro official Princess Twilight Sparkle plushie with brushable hair!!!! Batteries not included)
↓ WARNING!!! STUPID IDIOT BELOW!!!!!!! 🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️☢️☢️☢️☢️☢️☢️☢️☢️☢️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️☣️🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢 ↓
#utmv#swapdream#swad sans#swapdream dream#swan sans#swapdream nightmare#error sans#gamers err.... they're really stupid!!!#I hate them so much!!!! (LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE i love them actually with all my being)#I have no idea what I'm doing I'm not used to tumblr editor#I want to make my page look cooler..... maybe 2010s theme..... can i do that perhaps?#Stupid idiots!!!! Sorry my demons#I should probably make an intro post too but idk what to say.... other than “helo i like erm. Undertale! I like..... pretty much only UTMV!#This is mostly a lie I like other things but I'm only going to be posting UTMV mainly#Sigh getting off track anyways!!!!! Idiots!!! I hate them!#Swad he's so prim and proper and completely obnoxious#I feel like with him being completely manic 24/7 he wouldn't take care of himself very well#Like if it weren't for the self healing thing he would look absolutely terrible. Rotting teeth cracked bones etc etc and he would not care#He would still prance around in fields of daisies tho he is literally too hyped up#I feel like he would chase Swan like until his body physically could take no more#One sec he's approaching at full speed and the next he shuts down completely & collapses just because his body literally ran out of juice#Error is striving for that hobocore aesthetic he will not change his clothes ever he constantly repairs the same ones#I also feel like Error would be like. insanely stinky (PEE-YEW!)#Water doesn't interact well with his body so he avoids it best he can#he can only take sponge baths for hygiene and even that is like insanely prickly for him.... Feels like pins and needles sizzling on his bo#Sighs that's it for me gamers!!!!!! Ramble in the tags over#Swad OUTTT!!!! *bursts through ceiling leaving swad shaped hole in your roof*
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I made a similar post before a long ass time ago for the other three da protags but now it's time for rook, this time in poll format <3
as always feel free to ramble about your ocs in the tags!! 👀
#💾#dragon age#mostly threw this together bc i think it's a fun dragon age character development question#and i wanted to bring some oc community engagement to the dash today#community? comradery? positivity? idk#← rare moment of me not minding if one of my posts breaks containment#ive had this sitting in my drafts forever and kept forgetting about it so whatever. go my scarab#also i want to make a spirit version but i cant have 2 polls in the same post. L#anyway. for lleyth it's actually hard for me to figure out for once bc like i could see pride for obvious reasons including solas#but at the same time i think lleyth is... actually quite humble and does not believe themself to be any better or more qualified than anyon#like they dont want the position they're in at all and they doubt their own leadership skills constantly#and they do what they must bc they have to. not bc 'they're the only one who can (do it right)' like solas wants to believe ab himself#and i think people who make good targets for pride are people who would do anything for power. lleyth does not want that#which leads me to think they would probably be targeted by despair.#i think they are someone who is used to being forced to lock away their sadness and either turn it into useful rage or compartmentalize it#but there is just. a deep and profound sense of not belonging anywhere and doubting their place in the world/others' lives#and if they weren't the type of person whose instincts kick in like a failsafe and make them keep fighting no matter what#i feel like they really would be stopped in their tracks by an overwhelming feeling of futility and misery#and there are a Lot of miserable moments in lleyth's life a demon could use to manipulate that within them 😔#plus despair seems to be the polar opposite of determination. which considering spite really likes/is drawn to lleyth... yeah. yeah#and the fact that despair demons constantly single out rook in combat is like. haha whats going on there bud........#and i personally think the inverse of this question (what spirit would be drawn to them) answer would be determination#bc damn kid you don't know how to quit. you will punch up at the cost of even your own fists and it's admirable#constantly swinging at something bigger than you that you cant take down etc etc#*take me to war by the crane wives starts playing as i lean out over the balcony smoking a cigarette*#take me to war honey i dare you. i'll be the sweetest thing to ever scare you <3 etc etc#plus its also tasty to me to think about lucanis having to break them out of the Despair Mind Prison#by chipping away at all of the awful things they believe about themself. as payback#🫵 get loved and adored idiot
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the irony of cesare slutshaming juan for sleeping in brothels had me with tears in my eyes considering his very first scene in the show is him rawdogging a prostitute like his life depended on it...like babygirl we see you!!!
#like they're such whores i'm screaming!! but also so on brand when you think of it. since the real ones both were fucking sancia byeee#i believe the scene where cesare fucks that girl is just a glimpse of the show adapting the Real cesare's General Manwhorishness™ though!#if you're the borgia family enthusiast you already know that cesare has sired 7 illegitimate kids because of his romantic exploits lmao#cesare borgia i love your hypocritical ass fr like yessss#also love their rivalry so much because there's cesare who always wanna one-up juan in every aspect and be seen as the serious and driven#which is true about the hypercompetent and ambitious part!! but he fulfills his duty in the family in ways that are not conventional#meanwhile with juan...he fully embraces his hedonism and isn't ashamed of it. while he's aware that cesare outdo him in everything...#the only thing he has over cesare is his position as a gonfaloniere!! so he winds cesare up with flexing it!!!#the difference is cesare is as much as he hollers about doing everything for the family...he pretty much does it mostly for selfish reasons#his desperation for juan's position and rodrigo's attention made him sabotage the family more than persevering it etc#while juan is genuine but is reckless and incompetent but he Really tries yk? he really does! but he spiraled bc he feels weak and insecure#oh well both brothers are idiots in their own ways#i miss them fr#cesare borgia#juan borgia#the borgias#juan and cesare#text post
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There's a lot of speculation about Aziraphale's thoughts and motivations in accepting the Metatron's proposal. Nothing is known for certain at this point, so nothing's impossible yet.
Personally, though, I don't think Aziraphale was talking in code to Crowley in that final conversation. Nor do I think he was very skeptical of the Metatron at first. No, I genuinely think he bought it at first. And here's the thing: I don't blame him.
The Metatron is a fucking master at this. He offers Aziraphale everything he could want, everything he's ever wanted to hear, on a shiny silver plate. Buddy, I would jump at that. Most of us would. We might know better on some level, or at least be suspicious, but we'd want to believe so bad, we'd probably push that aside. And Aziraphale holds out at first, even when he's offered the chance to change everything. He's saying no... up to the point that Crowley is brought up. That's the sweetener. The Metatron saves that for last, knowing that if nothing else works, that will.
And he's right. Of course he is. He assessed this situation and he had every angle covered. It's not a mark against Aziraphale that it works. Again, everything he's ever hoped for. It's too good to be true, but it's also too good to pass up.
I think he's being genuine in his conversation with Crowley. Nervous? Yes. It's a HUGE change he's contemplating, a massive responsibility. He's undoubtedly got some doubts lurking in the back of his mind, not helping matters. And of course there's no telling how Crowley will take it. All of this is more than enough to explain his jitters and his too-wide smile as he makes his pitch. There's genuine hope in his face and his voice, though. His idealism and optimism have been expertly tapped into. He's willing to at least consider that they're not being played, because oh, he wants so badly to believe it. He's believed a lot less appealing lies before.
And I think it's Crowley who cracks that optimism. Harshly, but effectively. I'm not saying Aziraphale wouldn't have developed his own suspicions, because he would have. But it would've taken longer, and crucially, might not have started to happen until he was already in Heaven and essentially trapped.
Crowley's argument, his reaction, the vehemency of it startles Aziraphale. He doesn't fully understand it. But it gets him thinking. It gets him doubting. Crowley's always been good at that.
He's wary when he follows the Metatron out. His glee has been shattered, and that's good, because when the Second Coming is mentioned, then we see the cautious look kick in. Crowley's shaken him out of himself. He hasn't won the argument - neither of them has, there are no winners here - but he did accomplish part of his goal, which was to make sure that Aziraphale doesn't walk into this blind.
Again, I'm sure Az would've woken up himself. But not soon enough. He'd be holding onto hope as long as he could. And as long as he held onto it, he'd be in the Metatron's control.
#good omens#go s2 spoilers#this one I will tag lol#I admit I tend to read az on a surface level#because he is terrible at hiding his emotions#he's a good liar but it mostly works because no one thinks he COULD lie#and it mostly works on idiots#he can't hide fuck from crowley and he never could#so in this conversation I think they're BOTH showing their hearts on their sleeve#it's just that they're focused on different things#it's tragic bc they can suffer communication breakdown even when they're both being totally open and direct
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Hell bent and heaven sent are a tragic love story. Who literally cannot see it? Whouffaldi is not only Canon but it's a parallel to so many of the great gothic romance films of the 80s and 90s.
Yep! idk some people are in denial.
Like obviously it's fine if you just want to see it as platonic and are cool about it. But I'm always blindsided by the goofy comments on youtube videos etc. where they act like the very idea there could be romance there is an insane suggestion. Where they condescend to shippers as if we're delusional for seeing what's there. I'm sorry, if you're going to be confrontational and smugly wrong at the same time, I'm going to point out that you're wrong.
#whouffaldi#the other flavour#which is laughing about how they're 'so beyond' romance really grinds my gears as well#romance isn't lesser or inherently unserious or whatever else#and the whole 'kissing would cheapen their connection' attitude about romantic pairings is often coming from a place of sexism just saying#because romance is women's fiction and therefore to elevate something we're saying it's /not/ that#I don't think you need to show kissing to show romance clearly#but saying it would cheapen the characters' bond if they did is some bullshit#kissing would not have made them any more canon than they already are but I'd love to have it#mostly just because we deserved it and were owed it etc etc#but also so I could just post the gif when people are being idiots#they wouldn't stop (eg reylo where we have the gif and yet the moronic hot takes continue) but it would be satisfying#and sometimes I'm petty like that
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the political message in tf kills me because it is so complex and it reflects real life so well that it's painful
it's hard to choose a side because both are bad. it's hard to choose a side because war is cruel and so is everyone involved in it. there is no way to escape the violence once you enter this cycle
there are multiple ways of viewing it. the war starts with a revolution that has long since turned into a desire for control. megatron wanted to be free, at first, and yet in the end, he was only another colonizer
the war starts because no one did anything about the treatment of the miners. it starts because people turned a blind eye to the cruelty that was happening right before them
it starts when two people fighting for freedom take their ideals to the extreme. it starts when one refuses to kill and when one bathes in blood
it's just such a complicated conflict
#but in the end it's nothing more than fiction#arguing over which side is better will do nothing to solve global issues (aimed. at the idiots on tiktok mostly lol)#it is fun to watch the arguments though! everyone has some very valid points and i like hearing them#it's almost like real life politics#transformers#tf#avis talks#see it is so important to me that in many versions the war starts because two dudes decide the goverment should go fuck itself#and then disagreed on the methods of how to actually make the goverment go fuck itself#it's hard to pick a side because they're both right and they're both wrong#sometimes violence is necessary to get people to listen to you. however this does not mean you should try to put yourself in charge via it#and its always best to find a peaceful resolution to things; however the people are angry and they will not rest until they get the+#consolation that it will never happen again. their anger is valid and so is yours. do something about it#ah dont mind me im just ranting#Transformers one
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As someone with ADHD, you know you're fucking exhausted when you're not even fidgeting. :'D
#I'm literally just sitting here. listening to shit. I usually need to fidget or do something while doing that but no. I'm just staring off#into space. At the creature that I'm dogsitting.#he's exhausting too but it's mostly from the fact that I did a lot of physical labor in horrible boots and now my lower body is dead#I mean this creature eats anything and everything off the ground. One walk and I had to pull 4 acorns. 7 leaves. 5 rocks from this#idiot's mouth. he's not allowed off leash because he just bolts as well. He's sweet but I'm pretty sure there's just a walnut rattling#around in his head lol. I genuinely worry about this dog because...He genuinely has a deathwish#speaking of which. if anyone knows how to teach your own dog how to stand up for herself I would appreciate it :'D#I give my own dog. my sweet girl Mocha. a treat and this little guy starts hopping up and biting at her mouth until she drops HER treat#and then he runs away with it! And I'm like “sweetie. why are you letting him treat you like that?!?!”#yes I separate them when I give treats but still :'( My girl is too sweet for this cruel world.#She's so sweet and brings her OWN toys up to him so they can play together and he just runs away with them and growls at her.#They're HER doggy toys!!!#I know I'm complaining a lot. He's not that bad but also... My Mocha. (also he chases the cats. we have shit blocked so they can#have their own space and be safe and a space for him but oof)#Mad rambles#Mad vents#I'm mostly still recovering from those horrid boots as we realized once I took them off that they basically were at a weird slope.
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I did some Souichi studies because I’m love he <3 (Patreon)
Bonus:
Here are the Studies compared to their Originals btw :3
So like, not a joke, not an exaggeration, I’m pretty sure this is my favourite panel in the entire Challengers/KoiBo continuity (and I decided to draw it first lol - it’s ‘cause I have such big feelings about it!!) It just hhhhhh, it so perfectly encapsulates everything he’s feeling in that moment; disbelief, betrayal, uncertainty, distrust, conflict - every moment of love he’s built up to that point has been thrown into immediate relief to what he’s been told and it’s all there, right on his face, it’s such a masterfully done expression ;; <3 I legit cry every time I reread, that whole scene is just so good, I could actually talk forever about his relationship with Morinaga in that one moment
The rest aren’t nearly so intense lol, mostly just grabbed from moments when I thought he was being especially cute <3 Concerned lad! His hair is so swoopy in Challengers hehe <3 <3 It’s actually even fluffier in his super early-on appearances, which are also excellent >:3c But I still like his KoiBo look best ♪ You can also see it’s a bit of a challenge to make his face as slim as he actually is, just thicken the lines inward until it almost looks right! Lol
I love this panel haha, everyone so silly chibi’d out. You can also really get a good look at how ridiculous his hair is, look at how the tuft that’s tucked behind his ear joins up with the tie! How does he tie it up like that, consistently?? How is he allowed in labs like that!! He’s ridiculous <3
Confused and blushy Souichi ft. Morinaga, I just kind of filled in the details he was covering lol. I love Souichi being dumb and having no self-awareness <3 He’s actually quite intelligent and emotionally aware a surprising majority of the time! But his blind spots leave big gaps haha
I love when he has his eyebrows in a relatively neutral position, he’s normally so grumpy! He looks so friendly even with just a neutral expression :D Plus his hair!! The way it’s communicated to be thin and feathery by being able to “see through it” to his lab coat, ah <3 Handsomest
Shy boy <3 I also really love the way his hands and wrists are shaped, such cool lines ah
I could’ve sworn he and Morinaga were like, almost the same size in Challengers... I guess Morinaga did have a second growth spurt, but still! It’s just an excuse to see him being cute!! Oh noooooo (lol)
Grump man <3 Beauty boy <3 His hair flows so beautifully!
It’s also fun to see a younger Souichi in a flashback, rather than in the Challengers style haha. He was a mess by himself, he’d hate to hear it but he really only does well with others haha. I also love how this scene is from the POV of one of his admirers, Momo is such a good girl and she’s so right <3
He’s being such a meanie to his sister in this scene lol, he’s the worst! <3 I was going to leave it at that, but adding his little frameless-glasses stem holes really made it look like Spamton’s googly eyes and I about lost it lol
#Doodles#Koisuru Boukun#Warning: Mushy design and characterization love ramblings under the cut lol#My beautiful trash boy <3 <3#So I actually have a folder specifically dedicated to just Souichi's beautiful face/interesting behaviours lol#They're mostly collected from the last big reread but I have some from years and years and years ago!#The last big reread also included Challengers because Morinaga >:| Fucker Supreme (derogatory)#I needed to look at his characterization from original to spinoff#But Souichi is the only one with the dedicated folder lol#He deserves it <3 Little insect man <3 <3 Poison nerd Engrish enjoyer Idiot man <3 <3 <3#He actually really fun to draw??? I ran out of room on my paper but I was like ''Well I could fit just one more...Well maybe just one more!'#I ended up with several half-finished sketches because I just straight up could not fit any more on the page lol#If I'm able to capture even a little bit of the reasons that I find him so beautiful and lovely and interesting in my own art then I'm happy#His hair! His eyes! His caring nature! His opinionated blind spots! His childishness and his trauma and his self-expression hhhhhh#I love him so much what a beautifully flawed character <3 <3 <3#Watching him grow into himself for over a decade has been such a wonderful experience as a reader hh#Plenty of bumps along the way lol but I don't think I could stop loving him even if I tried hehe
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It occurred to me the other day that Asbel is the only party member without *any* sort of spell artes. I guess friendship really is his magic 😅
#dolphin plays graces again#It suits his character though to be the aggro tank. He's protecting the others 😤#Him and Sophie both have high defense actually which makes sense they're both sacrificial idiots. i love them 💜💜#With Sophie out of the party rn (Lambda laser to the chest 😔) and me wanting to try other characters I now have a party of all spellcasters#The strategy seems to be 'ok ONE of us is going to have a bad time but as long as everyone else is fine our explosions can keep happening'#Richard and Hubert are strong in melee actually they're just so frail they keel over at the slightest touch 😅 drama kings.#Sorry for all the gameplay meta rambling the combat system's definitely growing on me as I figure it out more#Though the only character Im actually good w is Asbel 😅 I'm a melee player myself and like I said he's the only exclusive one#I should play Sophie more but she's the best healer and I need her on that 🙏#Cheria's great for big heals and big spell damage but Sophie can heal quickly and reliably#Which is important bc RICHARD AND HUBERT KEEP DYING 😩#Pascal and Malik mostly do fine but I think Pascal is just Better Malik 😅 sorry Captain#anyway those are my thoughts on the battles. no idea if my experiences are normal or if I'm just bad at this game 😅
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..
#sorry sorry I just woke up and im having yesterday-was-weird thought again#and they are going here so i don't have to talk to the person that they're um about yet#basically im glad that im in a good enough space now that um#someone ive ive had text-based sex with and uhhh sent an ill-advised video to in like oct when i was Feeling Bad™ and doing. hm. too much.#like 6 months post text-based sex/ill adised video now aha and we've not spoke at all since like january and that was 'how was hols'#they asked to meet up 'not for sex just as friends' or i forget exact wording but basically that#no-pressure museum not-a-date#and i said I'd think about it. because i am as everyone knows a fucking idiot.#basically im glad that im in a better place now than the last time someone like expressed an interest in me as a person#because while this did give me a day long wobble i didn't have a full weekend long actual panic about it#tho they are two v different situs#an ace poly friend asking to go out with me vs someone i uh virtually fucked aha um asking to meet up for (mostly) being-friends purposes#same several-hours-later 'oh god no what have i done bad bad bad no thank you actually no sorry i cant sorry' but less intense this time#but at least i only said ill think about it?#and not actually immediately said yes because it's nice to feel wanted#and then gone Maximum Regret™ because actually all of this is way too much i don't like it i don't want it thank you but im sorry no#weird. i guess i don't have such a high baseline stress level any more? since i'm not at uni n stuff#and someone over messages going no pressure you want to be irl friends (maybe fwb no pressure)? is um#is different. to someone irl going you want to go out acely? yeah? awesome lets hold hands here is the discord with a whole buncha people#i guess#but i am being equally aro-not-super-ace Autism™ about it aha#and i am. eventually. going to be like. thought about it and no sorry. eventually.#if they ask again#i am kinda hoping they'll leave it there and forget they asked so i don't have to navigate social stuff#im much better at navigating canals everybody leave me alone please thank you#(everybody over there leave me alone. y'know. you guys are fine.)
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you know one of my favorite things about genuinely loving ancient literature is that when you read and understood and enjoyed some of the "high brow" ancient literature that people brag about having read/understood it makes it blatantly glaringly obvious that the braggarts have never touched said book in their lives or are exceptionally stupid to the point they don't know what words mean
my personal favorite is very religious people telling me they liked Gilgamesh because it's Biblical and i'm just like no hahahahahahaha NO
there is little in this world funnier to me than a hyper religious person trying to tell me they liked and thought was biblical the epic about a demigod king pursuing immortality because of the existential crisis caused by the loss of his "best bro for life" (read definitely lovers) that met him via the world's hottest prostitute and beastiality
#there are other instances this applies to but they're more just validated feelings#mostly this comes with a healthy dose of wow you're a liar AND an idiot#but gilgamesh#ooo gilgamesh has such a large chance of being fucking hilarious
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I just read your older fan fic about the star trio getting lost in a forest and The idea of Jecra calling his friends “Darlin’” IS THE CUTEST SHIT EVER AND IM STEALING THAT FOR MY VERSION OF HIM IMMEDIATELY. 
Ah! I'm glad!
He loves pet names! The other two have mostly given up trying to get him to stop using them
#Help I am having thoughts about doing another adventure type fic with them#I say as if I haven't had a mostly fully written version saved for ages#it is eating my brain alive#I just wanna have MK and Jecra yell at each other for a moment because they're both idiots
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i genuinely think people on the left (both democrats And leftists) tend to underestimate how people (who would probably otherwise agree w/ whatever points you're making) are gonna be Far less open to hearing what you have to say if you talk to them like they're stupid
#how hard is it to meet people where they're at. and like Not be patronizing?#how well do you really understand something if you can't break it down and meet somebody halfway w/ it?#and honestly this is a problem i used to have (and still do have depending) w/ democrats (despite being a democrat lol bigass tent)#sue me. i think people are mostly good and open to changing their beliefs if you don't approach them like uneducated morons#but online is just. omigodddd. how are you gonna convince Anyone that you're better or moral if you're an asshole?#like the people who Really Need to hear what you're saying?#some of y'all couldn't build a modern day rainbow coalition to save your life w/ how obsessed y'all are w/ ideological purity'#can't even talk like a normal person and not label people either an enemy or an idiot for Maybe having different experiences#and it's Insufferable. lol.#rambles
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i will NOT talk about what i think about the current twst event but i still want y'all to know that every time i see any new info about it i just go.
#it's so. ugh.#i've said it on discord but still. shoutout to glomas for being the only halloween event ever <333#im gonna say it. im gonna say it#i think we should. stop treating halloween events like. the best part about twst#no wait let me rephrase it#like. i know that people often go “halloween events are like the most important twst events!!” and.#no?? in my opinion twst halloween events are mostly terrible??#the very first one is just. “haha social media bad”#and the second one is “haha what if malleus and lilia made a silly little time loop”#and now we have. whatever the current event is#also glomas is NOT perfect. yes i'm biased but rollo is like. the only good part of this event (not counting the outfits)#because i'm gonna say it. most characters were so. annoying in that event#“it's because they're based on villains-” shut up yes they are but it doesn't mean i'm not allowed to say that they're being annoying#and now we have the event that makes everyone look like total idiots who are 100% okay with getting kidnapped#and even those who find ferro suspicious change their opinion in like two minutes#idc how they explain it. this event sucks.#i wish i could go “oh but that's just my opinion” but no. im gonna be mean 👍#[ 💚 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐚 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐬 ]
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I love my stupid little brother a lot
#personal/irl posting#He's such an idiot sometimes but also he's pretty all right save for some select instances#And he's not transphobic#I've been trying to put more effort into talking to him and stuff cause my mom and my uncle don't talk much now that they're adults#Just bc they didn't keep in touch they get along fine to my knowledge#And that always made me kinda sad so I've been trying to Talk and stuff and hope and hope that he knows I care#Mostly we watch one piece lmao#I'll shut up now
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when i was younger and hung out around my uncle a lot more than i do now, i remember whenever he referred to things regarding his native heritage, he always just called it "indian". called himself an indian, called the words he taught us indian, so on. since i was a little kid who didn't know any better, i didn't know that "indian" in the context of indigenous americans was a very broad, frankly bastardized term to paint a vast variety of cultures spanning two whole damn continents with one brush. it only occurred to me as i got much older than i was at the time that there'd be more than one "indian" language, and up until now since i had no idea what tribe(s) he even is i couldn't even begin to know where to look unless i found a download of every goddamn interlingual dictionary available and painstakingly checked every godddamn one for what their word for "thunder" is
the word he taught us meant thunder was hiloha. i didn't even know how to spell it until now, because he only ever said it aloud. literally just a few minutes ago, i decided to ask my grandma (his sister) if we knew what tribe(s) he belonged to. and apparently he's a mix of choctaw and makah. which gave me a lead, which led to me finding a dictionary on libgen, which led to me word searching "thunder" in the choctaw to english dictionary. it's the only word i remember him teaching us, and i'm unsure if he ever tried teaching us others. but it was his dogs name, and he was a damn good boy, so i remembered it clear as day. though, they normally shortened it to "hilo".
so, i guess what came out of this is that i now know a bit more about my uncle's heritage, and where to look for more research. so, if you're gonna have a takeaway from this, i'd appreciate it if you remembered the word "hiloha". it means thunder. and aside from being the name of a very good boy who deserves to be remembered, i think it's even more important to remember the histories, cultures, and of course the languages of all the indigenous folks who came before us and did their damndest to preserve their cultures in spite of it all.
#honestly a bit unsure if he was just simplifying it all down for us little idiot kids or not#regardless i think it's an important memory to keep alive#writing this up got me thinking about my time spent over at his place when i was real young. we spent a thanksgiving or two over there#both him and his wife were alcoholics at the time. she probably still is but she's been out of their lives for a while#i remember huddling in the corner with my cousin and my mom while they both fought. i distinctly remember her slapping him over the head#with a TV remote. not a very happy thanksgiving that one#it occurred to me while remembering this that there's definitely some kind of bitter irony to a white woman abusing a native man and his so#on thanksgiving. not even mentioning just a (mostly) native family having a bad thanksgiving in general. a bitter memory all around#god she was a cunt. talked shit about welfare queens and people on food stamps while me and my mom bought her food with our food stamps#claimed to be a vegetarian because how much she loved animals but still regularly ate bacon#i definitely don't remember my uncle being perfect in that relationship but i also definitely remember her being far worse#i'm almost certain it was mutual abuse but there's definitely a reason why my uncle's still in my cousin's life and mother isn't#aside from the fact that she did in fact abandon them and start a new family#as far as i know my uncle's recovered from his alcoholism and she hasn't. which itself wouldn't be a sin if she wasn't also naturally just#nasty piece of vaguely human looking garbage even without the alcohol#the way i understand it alcohol usually doesn't change who a person is at their core. it just amplifies who they already are#my grandpa's a very loving man and while i've never seen him get outright drunk i'm told he's very sweet and cuddly#saying this feels like a bit of a blanket statement but i definitely feel like for the most part if someone is an abusive piece of shit#while drunk they're also a lot more likely to be an abusive piece of shit sober#i've heard that some people are sweet and kind sober and turn nasty when drunk. i've never seen that firsthand but i'm sure it's entirely#possible. i can't speak whether it actually reveals who they really are or what. i'm not a psychologist#im rambling. oh well!#i'm glad that my cousin and uncle seem to be in a better place now. got their shit together#that's what matters
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