#(but I usually hate my hands lol)
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that annoying moment when getting left for dead in the trunk of a car in your 20s comes back to haunt you 40 years later (take a shot every time ford says “stanley”)
#i love making ford look like a kicked puppy#my favorite pastime#i also like making stan suffer then he brushes it off like a joke <3#these guys have issues#anyway context? what’s that ahaha#but idk. i guess in their adventures they get into fights with things and people#and eventually stan gets pushed and locked into a trunk or one of those little freezers that lock on the outside#and he’s in this tiny space and he can’t just push his way out so he panics and forgets where he is for a second#and by the time ford gets rid of the people/things attacking and finds wherever stan went (kind of easy to tell when he’s yelling)#he’s gotta like. ground him or whatever#those 6 fingers come in handy bc he’s just gotta grab onto stan’s hand and let him feel those 6 fingers against his hand#👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼#anyway i lowkey don’t even like the dialogue in this#and ofc the drawings are low quality as usual#but whatever i am Not going back to work on this lol#idgaf take whatever i give y’all guys 🗣️#gravity falls#stanley pines#stanford pines#gravity falls fanart#stan twins#sea grunks#stangst#??? yeahg#my art#rystiart#i’ll have it in me to sit down and make something better one day but today is not that day#also ahem. he repeats please a lot when he’s about to die haha. why do y’all think he hates saying please so much? 😇
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#tumblr polls#polls#Sorry if the wording is weird. I thought ''be considered X where I live'' would make the most sense since 'tallness' or etc. is sort of#subjective to the people around you or your specific culture/area/etc. And if I just said ''I'm tall'' or ''I'm short'' then#the response might be 'well how do I define whether I'm tall or not?'' or etc. But then most people could probably look#at the people around them in daily life they interact with and compare based on that to get a more literal idea or something#..ANYWAY.. lol.. as usual just thought of some random thing and was like.. hrmm... i wonder what the most common#feeling about that would be.#personally I'm not even short but I just want to be really really tall... like... 7 feet tall or something. In a fantasy world type of way#of course. so like a super tall elf creature. More realistically I suppose you get health problems past a certain point#so maybe I'd be happy with 6'2“ or so.#Absolutely no hate towards people with this preference but I've always had trouble understanding the idea of wanting to be shorter#so you're Small And Cute or this and that. or whatever the base reason is. I suppose I would understand it from a surivval prespective#maybe you want to be able to hide in your environment easier and blend into a crowd. I personally would like people to be inspired to run#away from me when they see me though gjhbj#In an average grocery store or something just a normal day but then some 8 foot tall wizard man walks in and so everyone#kind of backs away slowly = yaaay I get the aisle all to myself and can shop for my produce in peace.#(except for the fact that there's a subsection of people who would intepret it as spectacle and would run towards instead of away#and pull out their dumbass phones to film Weird Thing Happening. in which case. spell of 'phone melts into molten plastic in your hands#stop filming strangers in public without their consent' be cast upon ye. )
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i had a dream where something was off with riku’s shadow…
(this art is so sucks i made this when i was tired and less experienced which ended up making riku look so much skinnier than how i normally draw him post-kh2 can you stop engaging it with pretty pweeease)
#beep boop you want fries with that#kingdom hearts#riku#(and ansem. in shadow form)#IGNORE THE MISTAKE OF RIKUS HAND AUUGHH I HATE DRAWING HANDS#riku wasnt wearing his dream drop distance outfit but i drew him with it because. well. dream LOL#its so weird like it wasnt even clear what world he was in#he was in some sort of tavern?? so maybe you’d think it was the kingdom of corona#liek the snuggly duckling but it definitely wasnt#i couldnt tell you why but trust me#it was kinda surreal that i actually had a dream about kingdom hearts. go figure#its like the hardest thing in the world to have a dream about a fixation im having#usually my dreams are trauma. and me dying. sometimes both.#and if it is about my fixation it’s usually me getting a bunch of merch of it and then i wake up and whoops i dont have it#or i just forget all of my dreams and wake up with nothing to think about.#so i like it when i have some cool bizarre shit related to my fixation happen#its funny because this sounds like something that would happen in either kh itself or someones fanfiction#i wouldnt be surprised if someone has already drawn or written about this#anyway gn i hope i have another weird dream about kh
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"Tell me every terrible thing you ever did, and let me love you anyway."
Darabella they could never make me hate you <3
#belle was NOT my first kin for y'all to disrespect her daughter the way you do#“they weren't written well” NO RELATIONSHIP IN THIS SHOW IS WRITTEN THAT WELL#this show sucks at writing romance guys i hate to tell u this#the books write romance well but the show... gets so questionable#pls lets blame the screenwriters and not my babies i just want these two to be happy#i used to be OBSESSED with their relationship when i first watched the show it was so sweet#also rosabella used to mean so much as an awkward nerd who could never tell when i was lecturing ppl and cared too much abt the environment#some ppl aren't being condescending they're just kinda socially stupid y'all she's fifteen we can like.. take a deep breath#hold hands in a circle. idk#this is all said without hate like the criticisms are warranted but it gets to be a lot sometimes#so thought i'd put some actual content of them in the tag lol#eah#ever after high#rosabella beauty#daring charming#darabella#web weaving#eah web weaving#also i really do think they're a good match they just get brought together awkwardly#cause rosabella being able to tell daring he's a good person and his looks don't matter#after he's gone through like two back to back existential crisis#and him actually listening to her and taking her advice to heart#when ppl usually view her as overbearing and tune her out#like they're just built for each other yknow what i mean?#and the way they go from annoyed w the other's presence to listening and learning from each other#and ultimately making the other better is just... aghhh i love them#gonna also add quickly that the hate has died down which has been very nice to see#and i think ppl r generally getting a more neutral opinion of them#so no one take the rant at the beginning of the tags too deeply pls lmao
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CRACK CONCEPT
boyfailure odysseus as opposed to the inherently sharp wolfish (hes still snarky and clever imma give him that) king boi bc telemachus has to get it from somewhere and it aint penelope lol
i really love the idea of a people & street smart ody getting adopted by athena and becoming book & war smart as well u feel me. but this isnt what im talking about here. i want him pathetic and snivelling on his knees. idk its funny okay
just imagine he comes home after troy and he bonds with tele and theyre both idiots (penelopes idiots) ody is making up for 10 years away from home and is goofy with his son and pretends to faint everytime penelope walks by bc shes just sp stunning and awesome and actually faints when he realises hes legit married to her. i now realise this doesnt entirely fit the category of boyfailure lol but it do. TO ME
inspired by napolean dynamites award winning dance. i watched it and was like 💡 odysseus of ithaca. imagine him just doing that as a mating dance to penelope (owlthena can i get an amen) esp him running off without a word arms awkwardly by his side DO YALL SEE THE VISION
ofc they all have family idiot sessions where athena holds the braincell and they all roll down hills and frolic in the fields but for the most part penny holds le braincells bc ody is too busy teaching tele something entirely useless (and possibly illegal) bc its very funny (think of the scene where mater and mcqueen get the cows to fall back lol)
AM I MAKING ANY SENSE?
#*while weaving*#ody: i have no reason to be carefree nonono#athena: damn straight. now dont forget your arc or else itll bow#“i feel the thunder see the lightning” lol thunder bringer who?#polites hyping them up and laughing hysterically and eury is like what have i married into (affectionately ofc)#ithaca fam#i need them to be silly oh my god#boyfailure tele#and before him boyfailure ody#cool grandma athena#dont ask me abt the logistics ok#let me be delulu in peace#im overdue as usual in studying and i dont want the weekend to end im not ready for exams yet i hate it when time passes#wdym i dont live in a void where space and time dont exist#odysseus#peneleope#telemachus#epic the musical#not proofread ill be back later#crack au#edit: not hands in pockets lol
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Yangvik Week Day 6 - Jealousy
"Old Flame"
@yangvikweek2024
At the appointed time and place, the team discretely reconvened in a square at the south end of Caldera City.
Even under her hat and cloak, Kavik could tell that Yangchen was tired when he spotted her across the square. He wondered if that meant the meeting with the Fire Lord Gonryu hadn’t gone well. Then again, even if Fire Lord Gonryu had agreed to the Avatar’s proposal, Kavik knew that it chafed Yangchen that the leaders of the world couldn’t simply do the right thing (or something approximating it) without being coerced, bribed, cajoled, or otherwise convinced.
Kavik swallowed the last bite of his fire bun, dusted his hands off, and casually began to meander in the same direction she was now heading. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Tayagum and Akuudan doing the same, and Jujinta was surely nearby.
Besides Yangchen, none of them had ever been to the fire nation capital before, and the place they were going wasn’t like Yangchen’s usual safehouses; it was the house of a friend, she’d said.
For those reasons, the five of them skipped the acrobatics today, and instead pretended to be ordinary people casually (and separately) walking home from a long day's work. Kavik followed from a distance as Yangchen turned first left, and then right, down street after street. He paused and pretended to admire a stone dragon when two turns were close together, to make sure Akuudan and Tayagum (who were following him at a distance) wouldn’t lose the trail.
Ahead, Yangchen suddenly ducked into a doorway.
Kavik strolled past, not turning his head even a little, and surreptitiously sized up the house the way he would have cased a joint when he was an errand runner in Bin Er. His first impression was that it resembled the mansions of the Shang merchants. Whoever lived here was definitely very wealthy, but the magnolia trees peaking over the wall suggested a scholar or a poet lived inside, rather than a merchant. The architecture was modern, the stone lion-dragons unweathered. Relatively new money. Whoever they were, it was odd that they had chosen to live so far from the palace and the rest of the imperial court.
Kavik walked another couple of blocks, then made a sharp turn. He took a circuitous path back towards the house Yangchen had entered, scaling the wall with a few frozen handholds (which he immediately melted and dried behind him). He shimmied across the roof on his belly, and peered down into the courtyard below. He found himself looking into a garden, filled with lush greenery and zig-zagging paths. Yangchen stood in the middle, in the shade of a weeping willow tree, alone. She had discarded the pieces of her disguise, and her billowing orange robes stood out in bright contrast to her cool surroundings, like sunrise in a mossy forest.
Kavik sidled up to one of the magnolia trees he’d spotted before, and climbed down to join her. A few minutes later, Jujinta jumped down from the roof, and Tayagum and Akuudan descended from the opposite direction soon after. Yingsu brought up the rear.
“So… who’s your friend?” Kavik asked.
There was the sound of wood tapping on flagstone, and then an old woman stepped into view.
The woman was simply but elegantly attired in a summer tunic and pants, with her moon-white hair braided and wrapped over the crown of her head. She didn’t have the hunched over look that so many elders had, but even so, she was still incredibly short.
Yangchen squealed when she saw her. “Akemi!”
Instead of a formal greeting, the Avatar ran up to the old woman, picked her up, and spun them around.
The rest of the team stared in bewilderment. Who is this lady?, Kavik thought.
The old woman laughed and tapped her shoulder with her cane. “Cut that out, I’m too old for your antics.”
Yangchen carefully put the woman down. Side by side, Kavik thought he could detect a faint resemblance. They both had the same oval face and shrewd eyes. Maybe Yangchen had a Fire Nation grangran? It wouldn’t be that surprising if she did. Boma had given him the impression that air nomads got around.
“Everyone, this is Akemi. My wife.”
Her what? Kavik’s jaw dropped.
Out of the corner of his eye, Kavik saw the others bow, but all he could do was stare. Tayagum clapped a hand on his back and bent him into something resembling a bow.
Akemi huffed, but the soft smile didn’t leave her face.
“Avatar Szeto and I were married for 53 years,” she explained.
“See? My wife,” Yangchen insisted.
Introductions were made, and then Akemi led the group inside.
***
Tayagum nudged his husband at dinner. Akuudan looked at him questioningly. “Kavik hasn’t stopped pouting since we got here,” he whispered.
Akuudan didn’t need to glance over to see that it was true; he’d noticed earlier in the meal, but hadn’t bothered to unpack the kid’s expression because he’d been too engrossed in a story Akemi was telling about the former Avatar and four volcanoes.
“... but then Szeto bent the lava like it was water, and diverted it away from the town. He invented an entirely new technique on the fly, and saved thousands of people that day.”
“Don’t sell yourself short Keke, I may have stopped the lava, but you were the one who figured out how to appease the spirits. You’ve always been the better diplomat between us.”
Kavik scowled, and pierced a bit of spicy tofu with his chopsticks, much to Tayagum’s amusement.
‘I stopped the lava.’ Akuudan rolled Yangchen’s words around in his head. Not for the first time, he wondered about the nature of the legendary connection Avatars had to their past lives. Before knowing Yangchen, he’d assumed the rumors to be exaggerated, but Yangchen occasionally spoke as if she’d been there. As if she still had the memories of Szeto and others before him. Memories or no, however, Akuudan was sure Yangchen didn’t really think of herself as the same person as Szeto.
All dinner, she’d been hamming up her role as “loving husband” from her seat at the head of the table, singing Akemi’s praises and patting her hand and reheating her tea when it got cold.
Akemi, for her part, seemed to indulge the behavior like a doting grandmother. It seemed to be a long running joke the two of them had crafted. A very sweet one.
“... but I musn’t ramble about the past. Tell me more about your friends. Yingsu - you’re a strapping young woman. Are you and the Avatar companionable?” she waggled her eyebrows.
Kavik dropped his spoon with a loud clatter.
Tayagum choked back a laugh
Yingsu grinned. “You need to get your eyes checked, grandmother. I’m twice her age”
Akemi shrugged. “Well, the Avatar has always had certain preferences.”
The conversation moved on, and Akuudan could see that Kavik was too busy staring at the wall and ruminating to eat his food.
“Are you going to finish that?” He asked. (It was good food, and there was no sense letting it go to waste.)
Kavik frowned, and pushed his bowl across the table.
***
It was weird having a room all to himself. Kavik lay back on the bed with his arms crossed, frowning up at the ceiling.
He couldn’t decode what Akemi had been implying earlier, when she’d made her comment about preferences. It had something to do with Yingsu - but what? Yingsu was a lot of things: taller, older, a fire bender, a woman, very muscular. He was pretty sure Akemi wouldn’t know about the combustion bending, so he could rule that out. It was also more likely to be something that Yingsu and Akemi had in common, or had had in common in Akemi’s youth…
Not that any of this impacted him, directly. He was just looking out for Yangchen. He didn’t want her to get hurt by Yingsu, in either a heartbreak kind of way or an explosive fire-y way.
… they really had been quick to accept Yingsu into the fold. Were they absolutely sure they could trust her? Kavik was pretty sure he had been treated with more suspicion than either Yingsu or Jujinta had been.
A knock interrupted his musings.
He got up and padded over to the door, expecting it to be either Yangchen calling a team meeting, or Jujinta looking for his lost toothbrush again (their stuff frequently got mixed up when they had to pack in a hurry.)
Instead he discovered Akemi at his door.
“I noticed you barely touched your food. Fire nation cuisine can often upset the stomach, if one is unused to the spices. Would you like some ginger?” She asked
“Thank you for the consideration Grandmother, but my stomach is fine,” Kavik said.
“Excellent! Then you can come with me; I need a strong young waterbender to help me in the garden.” She headed down the corridor at a brisk pace, cane clicking, without waiting for a reply. Kavik stared at her retreating back in disbelief.
He raced to catch up to her.
“Do you often garden in the middle of the night?” He asked.
“Yes,” she said matter-of-factly, surprising him. “It’s too hot to do something as stupid as garden during the day.”
A fire national who shied away from the sun? There was something altogether too suspicious about the whole thing. Kavik refused to believe for a moment that Akemi had singled him out to help with simple gardening, even if he couldn’t figure out her real motives yet.
They emerged into a courtyard. In the center was an overgrown pond.
“I need your help with that,” said Akemi, pointing straight at the moonlit pond… and the bobbing, waving white lotus flowers within it.
Kavik’s heart sank.
“The white lotus rises out of the murky depths, and unfurls her many separate petals,” he recited hollowly.
Akemi squinted at him in confusion. “Yangchen didn’t tell me you liked poetry.”
That was not the answering code phrase. But more importantly, “She talked about me to you?”
Akemi’s wrinkled lips quirked. Kavik noticed the smile lines deepen around her eyes. “Maybe. Now let’s get on with it,” she gestured at the pond. “Lift the water out.”
It was Kavik’s turn to be confused. “You want me to take the water out of the pond?”
“Yes.”
“All of it??”
“Yes. My, you ask a lot of questions.”
Kavik thought about asking why, but decided he would find out soon enough. He bent his knees, circled his arms, and lifted.
The water swelled and lifted out of the pond. He kept pushing and pulling until the pond was empty, and the former pond-water was suspended in a loose orb overhead.
He looked at the old fire nation lady, wondering what she wanted him to do now, and nearly dropped the water when he saw her clamber into the empty pond.
In the center, there were three heavy stone baskets, out of which the lotus flowers grew. The plants looked strange and graceless, flopped over with no water to support them. Akemi began to pull and snip at the lotus plants that had crept outside their bounds, collecting them in a bundle. She was apparently unbothered by the mud.
Maybe it was just because they were both old women who asked Kavik to do odd chores, but Akemi reminded Kavik of Mama Ayuneraq. She may not have responded to his overt query, but that could have been a choice. It didn’t prove she wasn’t a member of the Order.
“Tell me—how is she?” Akemi asked him
Kavik chose his words carefully. “She’s better now, ever since that business in Taku ended. But she lost Nu Jian only a few months ago, and the loss has been hard on her.”
“Yes, I’d heard about Nu Jian.” Akemi rested her hands on the rim of a stone basket, and bowed her head. “Grief can be very hard on a person.”
… The difference between Akemi and Ayunerak, is that Ayunerak would have prodded the conversation toward “that business in Taku.”
“Is she eating?” Akemi asked instead.
“Mostly,” said Kavik. “We have to wave the food in front of her face to get her to remember sometimes.”
“Is she sleeping?”
“Barely. She has this terrible tea she drinks that keeps her wired at all hours of the day. I’m tempted to hide it away.”
“Then do it.”
“What?”
“Take the terrible tea away.”
“I can’t just take the Avatar’s tea away from her! She’s not a misbehaving child.”
“Then talk to her about it.”
Kavik focused on bending the pond water. It was easier to carry if he kept it moving, rather than try to hold it gathered in one place. Akemi finished the rest of her task in silence, gathered up the bundle of culled lotus plants, then walked out of the pond, her feet as sure-footed in the black slippery muck as an arctic rabbit’s on hard snow.
“The world will always have more problems than the Avatar can solve. Someone has to prioritize taking care of her.”
Akemi stomped her foot, and the mud peeled off her feet and clothes and flew back into the pond. Kavik blinked.
“You’re an earthbender,” he said.
“And you’re the boy my wife has a crush on,” said Akemi. “Mind you don’t fuck it up a second time.”
#yangvikweek2024#Yangchen#Kavik#Yangvik#fanfiction#Avatar Szeto#Akemi is an OC btw#I dont usually gravitate towards plots about jealousy#perhaps because i hate love triangles and second hand embarassement#so i had a fun time thinking: how can i subvert expectations and make the most ridiculous possible situation for Kavik to be jealous in#speaking of whom#my boy is suspicious of absolutely everyone in this lol#im using grandmother in this as a title btw. like calling someone aunty#this fic was brought to you in part by: all the ally carter and kiki strike spy heist books i read as a middle grader
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What is with the practically psychotic hate for Lance Stroll? I'm not even his fan- more indifferent- but the hate he gets is sickening. Like just see the recent 'Never have I ever' vid- so many top comments on youtube, instagram etc. are just spouting shit about him (attacking his looks, calling him window licker wtf etc.) based off the 'Never have I ever stood up someone question' (and of course they conveniently ignore all the other drivers that also said they have because it's trendy to hate on Stroll).
Of course, standing up someone sucks but first of all we have no context at all, and more importantly, it's clear the commenters don't actl give a shit about that because they're only hating on Stroll. This is literally just one instance of the way these F1 'fans' are so quick to seize any opportunity to put down Lance. Honestly, it's so off-putting, pathetic and sad.
#he's not even one of my faves but the hate in the f1 fanbase for this 25 year old is crazy#don't give me the 'his daddy bought the team!! he's so shitty!!'#he may not be the best driver but he's still a good driver#he got a podium in his rookie year for goodness sake#also one of the youngest polesitter#yes he was blessed with a rich family but god forbid a father loves his child and would do anything for him#he's usually good in the wet/mixed conditions too#but if you listened to ppl on social media you would think lance can't even walk in a straight line#im so done lol the f1 fanbase is so toxic#esp those on twitter/insta#honestly I doubt those type of 'fans' actl watch the races#they just do monkey see monkey do#and hate on a fucking mid-20s dude 💀#their lives must be incredibly sad to waste time spreading hate like that#lance stroll#f1 2024#honestly this isn't even about the never have I ever vid#it's more about the general and practically fervent hate ppl have for lance#which is so overboard#lance puts in the effort everyday but these ppl will have you believe he sits arnd throwing moneg everyday#this is the man who drove despite his hand injury last year for goodness' sake#the way some ppl talk about him will have you thinking he murdered their family#also he's just thr to drive??? idk why ppl go all up in arms to hate on everything he does from his looks to how he talks...#and in general the hate various drivers get is so weird#*money#<- too lazy to edit my tags lol
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reasons number A Million why not every rgg character needs to be +6ft he looks so fuckin stretched out. actually got put in the willy wonka taffy puller
#snap chats#do you guys know how obsessed i am with this picture its the funniest shit ive ever seen in my goddamn life#why the fuck kume actually look like a politician. Like No Shit but he just /looks like a politician/ yk#oh my god wait its cause he literally looks like ben shapiro i fucking hate this game#i just know aoki put a gallon of hand sanitizer on his hands after that photo shoot jesus christ#THE BACKGROUND stop.#AOKI LOOKS SO LANKY. SICKLY EVEN ITS SO UNNERVING#theres a politician over here God Help Me Remember His Name#JOHN FETTERMAN. GOD HE SUCKS AND HE'S 6'8 LKE WHAT THE FUCK LITERALLY FUCK OFF#would actually make aoki look normal sized ANYWAYS. laugh at this picture with me#petition to retroactively make aoki 5'6 or 5'7 or god even just 5'10 i dont fucking know#i dont usually fuck with canon heights cause im a COWARD but i already fuck with aoki's body (pause) as is#AND YET ITS SO FUNNY SEEING HIM BE TALL AS DICK NEXT TO EVERY OTHER MFER#the worst part about this post is that i know exactly what im referencing and its not a taffy puller#in the tim burton charlie and the chocolate factory movie some bitch ass kid goes in a tv#and he's super teeny and the only way to reverse it is to just Stretch Him Out#tho now that im recallnig i think they did put him in the taffy puller.... lol...#ok this post is done bye
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Peste, war priest of Xiombarg, Queen of Swords
aka my Mournblade (ttrpg) version of Mournblade (oc)
#her positive trait is she's sort of immune to the horrors. her negative trait is she hates fun#mournblade ttrpg#i looked up 'mournblade rpg' on here and there was literally one post and it had 0 notes. hilarious#my art#mournblade#the oc tag this time. yeah it gets confusing. i went with her alias for a reason lol#(in dnd her oath of vengeance version is mournblade.... her oathbreaker version is named peste)#(they're both typing fonts btw. i think mournblade was the original demo and peste is the only one you can get now. it looks really cool !)#'i did something different this time i usually play tanky women with big two handed swords but she has a one handed sword !'#listen i tried to play my nice archer once and we never started the campaign. i played cobalt and they did not work well with the group#i play kal on rare occasions ! he's a sorcerer !#those tags are getting really long. hello determined reader !
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Chappel Roan saying she’s sad she’s demisexual and then there’s me being aroace as a whole like don’t you think I’m even more sad 😭
#not saying she’s not allowed to feel sad at all#just makes me think about myself LOL#I hate being aroace it’s like everyone’s part of a secret club I will never be a part of#and that people don’t tend to understand and if they do they never uphold that fact#like I actually have thrown up before from the concept of being in a relationship because it’s horrifying#and disgusting to me in a practical sense#like I don’t want to throw up every time I start thinking about those things I just want to be normal#and not panic like a relationship sounds like even worse than a death sentence#ppl think aroace is cute and problem free but it’s literally so uncomfortable and inconvenient when you’re in a world which a) doesn’t#understand wth aroace is b) doesn’t respect it at all c) has shit povs on what friendship is and how it can be more fulfilling than somethin#and d) how badly it impacts some ;-; like ik it sounds easy but try telling yourself omg I want to have a forever bestie#but then said forever bestie will never end up truly putting you first because they’d have a partner who will be their number one#and as usual you won’t even be second place you will be last like always#because I’ve noticed that the moment ppl get a partner suddenly they become their forever bestie role and then I can’t have that cause it#freaks me out and disgusts me all at once so I’m literally just cursed with forever feeling lonely and not meaning anywhere near as much to#someone who you wish could even look your way the way you do to them …#honestly by the day these reminders make me feel more and more aplatonic but it’ll simultaneously always feel like a hole in my heart#because apparently being aroace is like being some weird person and some freak#and not in the 𝒻𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓀𝓎 type of connotation LMAO I mean just plain freak#and then that loneliness will always accumulate and accumulate and accumulate until I physically cannot handle it anymore or I take matters#into my own hands and just off with her head to myself LMAO#dora daily#and that is why despite aroace being cool to me it’s just not placed in an environement which makes it cool#as those assholes tend to say oh meh meh meh you never struggled girl … we’re in the 21st century every person in the lgbt community is#living the life dating who they want and being with who they want#but allegedly it is but a crime I can’t like anyone and that nobody fucking listens to me when I say I have an attraction deficit#and that they take it upon their hands to define what I’m attracted to or head canon me as whatever they are#I swear I’m not even fucking worth that shit just leave me alone 😭#I promise like if I was with somebody they will regret the day they were born by being with me LOL I am not all that in fact me being aroace#is saving them from torture ☠️ anyways ! rant over :3
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successfully worried my mum as well despite trying not to. lmao. lmfao even
#day keeps getting worse somehow#someone make it fast forward a few hours so i can just sleep#how do you convince your mum you're not going to attempt suicide again when you've promised that before and broke the promise#asking for myself bc i really am not going to attempt suicide but i AM doing badly and she can tell and i accidentally worried her even mor#and i understand why she'd be worried. like knowing myself and how i let myself suffer by myself hiding it from her#i get it. i'd be worried too. but like what can i do to convince her even if things are bad i'm not going to do anything like that#and i'll see her soon and i have a bandaid on my hand which won't help bc if she asks even if i lie to her i won't be able to do it#convincingly bc i'm a good liar but not that good when i know she's already on alert#you know maybe if i hadn't attempted suicide a number of times you can't count on only one one it would be easier to be like don't worry#and be convincing#my mum knows “that voice” i get when i'm extremely down actually even at work people immediately noticed#which on one hand like... i don't take for granted that people care about me this much. it is a good thing#on the other it's fucking hard to deal with the worry from others when they can't do anything to help you and you don't know what to tell#them beside don't worry which is the stupidest thing to say to someone who can tell you're not okay#like i would worry! and i would be right to. but. but idk. family doesn't usually help in these times#i'm sorry to say that bc i love my family but sadly it's the truth. being in my old bed just conjures up more bad memories and shit and the#i not only feel bad but feel like i'm somehow in some way 17 again. it's awful#so being alone isn't good but being here isn't either so what the fuck do i do. i don't feel okay anywhere. i don't feel safe anywhere#oh my god i'm sorry i'm being soooooooooo fucking depressing#you can hate really i'm like always so negative lol sorry#i'll shut up now bc i'm close to crying and my mum will be here soon and if she sees me crying no way she's letting me go#suicide tw#sorry was forgetting the tw
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............ i want to come out.
#its so hard but also im so tired of this ya know???#my parents will be back in may#and..... idk. theyll only be here for a month before theyre on the road again for another god knows how long#it was like 10 months this time that theyll have been gone#and i just....... i want to tell them#maybe this is a result of me reading heattstopper lmao#i got to the part about charlie telling his parents about his ed again and just started tearing up#but also I've BEEN wanting to come out i just think i might actually be to the point where i just. do it.#I'm still half tempted to just send the email i wrote lol#i may print it and hand it to my mom just cus i can never actually say things out loud#but also i need to talk to my sister first cus i think I'll need that back up#sigh#idk. i want to so bad. i want to try.#im so. ugh.#its like a block in my chest and i hate it#my sisters partner sent me a photo earlier of some item in bg3 bc it has my legal name#and i kniw she was sending it as a funny joke thing but just... yeah.#anyway#im just ranting as per usual lol#fuck#shh ac
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my take on tme and tma as labels are that saying im tme doesnt tell people my genitals any more than saying. im trans. right
#like LOL ik its different depending on how you present yourself but if you say youre trans and a gender people are gonna guess your#genital situation. and considering how like.. numbers work. if youre perisex and you don’t have bottom surgery. theyre probably right not#to be mean or make people think about it. and not to discredit the people who want people not to know thats fine too imo. but dont be#shocked when you join a conversation about people with certain experiences and they go ‘do u have any idea what youre talking about’ like#idk. and bc this goes hand in hand idk how anyone can look at the murder statistics and go ‘they hate us all’ like sure they hate us but#they want trans women dead#idk! idk guys maybe im talking about my ass. ‘what about intersex people’ idk idk i havent seen much from them. probably my fault#im of the understanding that intersex people are different people and you cant make blanket statements but like whatever#and for the record im also of the understanding that intersex people are going to have different relationships with gender than perisex#people bc like. obviously! and an intersex afab trans woman is a little different than me in 7th grade wanting to identify as a trans women#bc i knew i wasnt a woman and didnt have the words for it like idk guys maybe the motivations are different#not that its really an issue. people dont usually qualify their gender with their assigned gender so i dont think it matters unless youre#asking for fuckin. validation ive never heard of it playing out outside of online spaces#simons spouting
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Various recent pictures of things
#or.. recent ISH.. this was still a few months ago lol#photo diary#EEEee... it's like over 45 minutes away from where I live but I finally found an arcade to go to that's not like entirely in the city and#is less busy. I went like the second they opened at 11:55am on a tuesday while school was still in. So there was basically no other people#there aside from like 5 staff. + wearing high quality KN95 mask and limiting my time there to under 1hr..#Also this was before the current summer covid surge happening since June in the US. so... I got to do One Single safe activity for once lol#skee ball my beloved.....#I actually don't like a lot of arcade games so I basically just spent 70% of the time doing skeeball ghjbjh#But I did weirdly like that pearl themed machine.. even though its one of those foolish games where you just drop items#and hope that they build up enough to let coins fall. like very boring not skill based or etc. But the Aesthetics of it.. I was drawn#to.. I wanted to crack the glass open and harvest the smooth white orbs from inside.. it would have been even cooler if they were#actually pearlescent in some way. but the round bubbly design and the blue and white water and shell theme entranced me#I love air hockey also but this machine was really flat and weird. like not enough air was pumping and the puck was very cheap and flimsy#An afterschool daycare place I went to once as a child had an air hockey machine that they would allow kids limited use to sometimes#and the air was always BLASTING up from the table so much that you could lay on it and it was like being hit by a slight breeze. and the#puck was very hefty and more of a satisfying clunk when you shot it around. I mastered skee ball with two arms#where I would load up a game on two machines right next to each other and throw one ball with my left hand to the left machine and one#with my right to the other and still got an okay ish score on both lol. But I do forget arcades can be very sensory overwhelming like#bright lights and noises and stuff.. walking past every blinking machine chirping at me like SHUT UP I'm trying to get to SKEE BALL#leave me ALONNEE. ghjhb... ANYWAY.. other stuff.. some images of clouds as usual.. a quaint little breakfaste#of eggs. pickled onions. grapes strawberries. and some turkey bacon. Also ofcourse Cat In Weird Position image.#he's always sitting with his legs stretched out funny#I kind of hate arcades on principle since much is a waste of money and time and many games are rigged (especially claw games) where#theres like some Illusion of Skill but so much of it is just random. I simply do not have the patience for that sort of thing. And usually#all the stuff you can win is bad anyway. BUT I also love active games.. if there was a place where I could JUST play skee ball. ddr.#air hockey. and like games where you have to aim at stuff (shooting games. wack a mole. etc.) then I would go there instead.#Active Games Only arcade. It bothers me sometimes to have to walk past all the scammy games to get to the decent ones lol..#Begone.. Out of my site at once... wretched claw machines.. and those things where you try and stop a light or whatever
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pre origins ina <3
#love the mismatched leathers ... and the dirt on her hem !!!#and she's outgrowing her skirt so her chemise is peeking under lol#i like the hc that most of her clothes were hand-me-downs except for those gloves which she saved up for !!#i usually hate drawing full body LOL but anything for my baby girl.#😔😔😔
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#shutup sensitive#i know its the case#but i wonder in moments like this#do other people feel like me#i feel like a shell of a person like the body of a person but not the being#and the being i am is like vehemently unlikeable or says things that other beings can’t understand but its like i look like them i act like#them so why dont they understand me#i feel like i understand me very well and i understand others even better than i do myself but why doesnt anyone understand me#ive been in mania for a few days and i recognize it but it really is the worst i cant even reveal in it i dont like this#my desires are so strong right now but are they actually mine or just this other addition of my selves#and if i think long on my desires rn theyre not even real but theyre so strong lol theyre so stupid though why do i need to do something#irrational why cant i just be satisfied per usual#how do i fix it how do i fix it#(time fixes it this ive learned but time is also not a friend of mine)#(i feel like time likes to toy with me and makes broken promises to me that take forever to arrive and im expecting them to not be broken so#i wait and i wait but the time just drags out and then when change arrives its like haha NOT what you wanted! i hate time)#i want to hold the hands of all the hysterical folk in my bloodline i want all the loonies to haunt me and keep me company bc i know what#they felt and i feel for them not having the knowledge and explanations for their feelings like i have and i mourn for them#thanks for passing down the brain worms to me my beloved ancestors im glad i function like you and like nobody else#anyways im pretty sure i need a phat hug#big phat arms wrapped around me and someone to pet my head#so when i get home this is what i will receive but its hours from now#and me and that old time demon :)
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