#(anyway I can make head-canons icons for pretty much everything now with the bases I have SO YUP)

[edwinspaynes]

My first reaction to Dead Boy Detectives episode one:

1) Now, let’s talk about Edwin and Jayden. You’re telling me they’ve been best mates for 30 years, they box together so intimately, yet they’ve never kissed? I’m completely baffled. The tension between them is insane.

2) i absolutely love the dynamic between Edwin and Jayden. Edwin is the quintessential Victorian gentleman—stoic, composed, and old-world, while Jayden is this vibrant ’80s London lad, full of energy and edge. The contrast in their personalities is just perfect. Jayden encourages Edwin to dream big, be bolder, and embrace a sense of humour, while Edwin grounds Jayden and pushes him to be more serious when needed. The back-and-forth banter between them is hilarious. I can see why they’re best friends, and I can’t wait to learn more about their origin story. I’ve read the Dead Boy Detectives comics, so I know their background, but this show feels like a fresh take on the material. The spirit of the comics is still there, but the tone of the show is different. It’s giving me Stranger Things meets Sherlock meets The Last Hours (even though that’s not a show). It’s such a fun mix, and I’m really enjoying it so far.

I also think Jayden really humanises Edwin, which adds depth to their dynamic. It’s not just about the banter; their relationship is built on mutual understanding and growth, which makes it so engaging.

3) As for the new psychic introduced into the mix—she is so much fun! I really like her; she’s lively and adds a great energy to the group. It seems like her presence could be a catalyst for Edwin to confront how possessive he is over Jayden. It’s clear he doesn’t want her in the mix, and I love how Edwin sasses her out. His one-liners, clapbacks, and razor-sharp wit are just brilliant. Edwin is quickly becoming one of my favourite characters because of how iconic he is.

4) Now, one thing that took me out of the episode a little bit (and this is minor, but still worth mentioning) is the setting. For some reason, I didn’t expect the show to be set in London, even though that makes perfect sense. I think I assumed it was going to be an American show, and only Edwin would be British, but no—everything’s based in London, and Jayden is also British. He’s honestly the most London kid ever, and it’s so endearing. I love it.

5) This leads me to another point—Edwin gives off strong gay vibes, and I think Jayden gives off bi or pansexual vibes. Those are just my interpretations of their characters. I really like the idea of them having that kind of dynamic, but I’m not sure if it’s confirmed or not. You can hit me with a RAFO if that’s the case. It’s not a huge deal, but I thought I’d mention it.

6) Anyway, back to London. The show is so canonically accurate when it comes to depicting London, especially with Jayden’s accent—it’s very London, and I love it. Edwin’s posh, Tory accent is equally perfect. But then, when they get on the Tube, I was immediately taken out of the experience. The Tube isn’t tubing properly! I couldn’t understand why they weren’t on the London Underground. I’m pretty sure they were heading to King’s Cross, which would require the Northern or Central Line, but it didn’t look right. I got so hyper-fixated on this detail, wondering if they were on an American metro system instead. I even considered whether they might have travelled to America, given that one of the characters was American. It was such a small thing, but it did make me pause the episode and think, “Wait, what’s going on with this Tube?” It’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it did pull me out of the experience for a moment.

Those are my thoughts so far on episode one. Now, I’m going to transcribe my thoughts on the second half of the episode 1.

I’ll give you those once I’ve finished organising them into more legible thoughts.

🤓❤️🤓

I'm glad you're enjoying it! I also adore the balance of Edwin and Charles's personalities. They're really different in a lot of ways, but they're also the same in the ways that matter - they're fundamentally Good, have gone through unimaginable trauma and remained Good, and want to help people. Also, the similarities in their deaths HURTS.

The one thing I don't agree on is Charles humanizing Edwin - for what it's worth (and I'll get to the other ask you kind of asked about later), I also hate the "you keep me human, Tom" line in TLH. I don't think Edwin (or Alastair) need to be humanized. They've just both been through absolutely horrific things (as have Charles and Thomas) and are coping with it in Ways. Actually, Edwin's SUPER nice all things considered. If I'd been in Hell for 73 years with [redacted specific torture] happening, I would be INCREDIBLY salty and nasty. He's just bitchy in a funny way.

(Will talk about London in the ask where you talk about it. I'm sad they weren't in London for much of the show, too - George has also talked about how he wanted season 2 to be more in London, but hey.)

[izzyizumi]

{D I G I M O N} Adventure {Franchise} + P R I D E I c o n {E d i t s} (as Specific or as S o l i d a r i t y) + Headcanons + A U T I S M Headcanon{s}/P r i d e/S o l i d a r i t y + D E M I - P A N P r i d e {can be for either Demiromantic Pansexual OR Panromantic Demisexual combos}

Matching head-canons icons I made PURELY FOR MYSELF but~ (Though lately, I’ve held a very strong fondness for Panromantic Demisexual!Taichi, notably if going more by the Canon-verse!)

Original Posters [Mine] Commentary: Matching head-canons icons I made PURELY FOR MYSELF but~

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[quercus-queer]

A Slice of a Normal Life au

Grace and Simon Edition... this ones long lmao:

They met at a train station as little kids and didn’t see each other again until high school

High school was rough for both of them and was really shitty in general so i’ll just leave that up to you but i’m starting with college

Grace ends up going to Juilliard and Simon feels betrayed because they were supposed to stick together no matter what 

Plus Grace lied about it and put off confronting the issue until right before she left but Simon already felt something was up and his abandonment issues and other problems pop off so he distanced himself from her and started being a dick (sorry they’re still codependent and problematic at this point) until Grace goes off on him

She leaves and Simon has a breakdown and ends up in a psych ward but he does finally get some actual help and diagnosis (the high school counselor was trash), he never reaches back out to Grace and skips town afterwards which really impacts Grace and she’s just like... bro... do i need therapy too? 

And then she actually seeks out a therapist with the intent to get better and does! She has pretty great time in college and makes actual friends in her dance program and ends up getting a girlfriend at some point... it was a long and pretty healthy relationship but ended on kinda bad terms, but she navigated her first relationship! Yay!

Simon is a dumbass and got with this girl he met while he was institutionalized... it didn’t go well but it was a relationship... it was like a few months long... but yeah... she also tells him to get a grip lol

I also changed my mind Simon doesn’t live with Samantha in high school, he tracks her down after his breakdown since he’s a legal adult and can do whatever he wants and lives with her and Frank afterwards

Simon starts working in a bookstore The Apex (its called that because they live on a mountain and its in the downtown of the city thats at the peak of the mountain) and actually really likes it and Samantha and Frank are good parental figures and he goes to actual therapy

There’s a little reading club for kids at the bookstore which is comprised of the Apex kids that he is in charge of now because the owner has her hands full (her, Simon, and a high school girl are like the only workers there)

Simon also gets a boyfriend he actually manages to keep and its a pretty good relationship and ends on relatively good terms since Simon’s actually getting therapy and has a good life set-up now so yay! He managed an actual relationship!

Samantha and Frank live in a cabin on this mountainous city btw which has a popular resort that Samantha manages and Frank is a chef there... it’s a very popular resort... a very common place for a retreat...

Grace and her dance crew in college take a trip there and she sees Simon and nearly dies, no seriously she was walking and then slipped and hit her head

She ends up in the hospital and her friends (she has actual good friends now) are like Grace what the fuck just happened you’re not that clumsy?

But you know who is? Simon, who is at the same hospital because Lucy from the kids club who is also a clumsy disaster got a fucking pencil in her eye and he had to drive her to the hospital

He sees Grace and doesn’t know whether to laugh cry or say hi so he just stares at her blankly like the dumbass he is and then leaves

Anyway, this kicks off a 200k mall-rats slowburn that goes harder than Tulips and Mikayla’s 

Grace doesn’t see him again until the next night when he’s in the lobby and he actually goes up to her and they talk because he had time to process it, they awkwardly talk... mostly sit though, and then Grace’s friends call her over and Simon quickly offers for her to come over another day

Grace doesn’t know what to do and her friends ask her whats up and convince her to go, not alone obviously Jennifer is gonna go with her to make sure she doesn’t get murdered 

Its awkward again, there’s small talk between Samantha, Frank, Jennifer and the two idiots and they play card games until Frank decides to finish up dinner and Jen ditches Grace because Frank is the coolest mf on the planet so Grace and Simon are alone again

They just sit there until Simon asks about her dance program and college and then they talk about that until Grace mentions her therapist and Simon’s like??? and Grace is like whoops and then they eat dinner and Grace and Jen leave

Simon goes by the resort more often but they don’t rlly talk until Grace is about to leave and Simon just apologizes for everything and Grace says she’s sorry too and Simon just doesn’t know how to respond to that so he’s like if you ever want to come back here I’ll be here

Grace does not know how to respond to that so she’s just like uhhh okay bye

The dance team comes back the following year and she sees Simon again and he’s like “sorry for fucking you up” and Grace is like “don’t give yourself so much credit I already needed therapy unless you forgot about the fact I had counseling right after you?” “I try to block out everything from before 19 tbh” “fair enough... I suppose there wasn’t much to want to remember huh” “I’m... I remember telling you, you were the best person I ever met and I meant that” Grace doesn’t know how to respond to that and then they don’t talk for the rest of the trip, they just wave at each other and smile in passing

The dance troupe grace joins after college goes on annual trips to the resort so Grace and Simon continue to have three conversations each year plus Jennifer makes sure a visit to Samantha’s and Frank’s happens

the yearning... the pining... WHEW its a lot and Samantha, Frank, and Grace’s entire dance troupe, plus the family that always vacations at the same time are SICK of it

They don’t even become close friends again until their late twenties. 

The kids club thinks Grace is amazing and Kai bases their whole look off of her

Mall-rats officially happens in their thirties and they get married in their forties

when I say slowburn i meant it

Idk where to put this: 

Samantha lost custody of Simon as a kid because of a hoarding problem she still struggles with but Simon is an adult now and him and Frank help keep her in check

Simon was with Samantha from a couple weeks after entering foster care and most of middle school

Samantha and Frank are actually just roommates 

Grace is like “so Samantha and Frank...?” “They’re roommates” “Simon... is that what they told you?” “well yeah, but they’re seriously just roommates” “ummmm...” “Grace they’re both gay” “OH”

Simon works at the bookstore his whole life and he loves it, Grace is a professional dancer, they’re both happy

They look the same as in canon except Simon can shave and Grace gets be the fashion icon she deserves 

Simon still cant dress so most of the time he just wears different sweaters he’s been given and alternates between his three pairs of jeans

[fanfic-corner]

Under 10,000 Words

16/12/20 - I can never figure out what my favourite length of fic is, but I think it depends on my mood. Sometimes I want a huge, 200,000 word journey, and sometimes I just want a quick drabble. Anyway, here are some fics which are all between 2,000 and 10,000 words, organised by the word count.

Sleep Deprivation by Honey_Honey on AO3. (2,313 words).

Tags: Cute, First Kiss.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: The one where killing monsters leaves Dean without a week of sleep, and Cas has to deal with the consequences.

Notes: This was so fluffy and cute and I can totally imagine Dean overthinking everything while Sam just finds the whole situation hilarious.

That One Time Sam Winchester Googled Something Weird and It Had Pretty Awesome Results by quitepossiblyjanuary on AO3. (2,587 words).

Tags: Romantic Fluff, First Kiss, Stars, Humor, Courtship, Short & Sweet.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: In which Sam Googles something and his curiosity doesn’t kill the cat. Or him. Or anyone. It’s a pretty awesome feeling.

Notes: This was so adorable! Gabe was so sweet, and his mind reading skills made me laugh.

What Can’t Be Seen by destieldrabblesdaily on AO3. (2,639 words).

Tags: Soulmate AU, author!Cas, Strangers to Lovers, First Kiss.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Written for this prompt: Soulmate AU where you first see color after eye contact: Cas is a famous best selling author and he’s promoting his book, so he’s talking to a crowd of people and suddenly his world is in color, and a lot of his fans pretend to be his soulmate. A Cinderella type situation ensues.

Notes: This was really cute and such a sweet and funny idea.

The Tea is Decaf by mnwood on AO3. (3,673 words).

Tags: POV Castiel, Fluff, Sign Language, Castiel in the Bunker, Canon Compliant, Sharing Clothes, Asexual Castiel, Gentle Dean, Non-Explicit Sex, Domestic, Established Relationship.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Based on this text post from thebloggerbloggerfun: “Listen, imagine Eileen sneaking out of Sam’s room at night to go to the bathroom or something and steps out into the hallway in one of Sam’s shirts only to see Cas trying to quietly leave Dean’s room while wearing one of Dean’s shirts and they both just stare at each other awkwardly for a few seconds before trying to muffle quiet laughter and now they have a late night club where they talk about life and gossip about the Winchesters in sign language"And this anon I received: "what if Eileen and Cas discover there are some things Sam and Dean both do in bed because Dean jokingly gave Sam pointers when they were younger and Sam took the advice”.

Notes: This has to be one of my favourite fics of all time, even though the first time I read it I hadn’t even met Eileen yet! I’m still so pissed off that she wasn’t in the finale (unless we’re counting Blurry Wife?).

surely heaven wants for you by cenotaphy on AO3. (3,782 words). 

Tags: Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Heaven, Coda, Post-Finale, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Dean, Outdoor Sex.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Cas doesn't come to him. Dean can't really argue with that, given the circumstances. In all the history of balls in courts, he thinks there might never have been a ball as thoroughly in a court as this one is in his. He drives for what feels like a long time but might just be a single sunny afternoon, or maybe years (time's funny here, Bobby had said), just enjoying the music, the shifting landscape outside his window, the hum and creak of the engine. Finally the forest opens up and the road narrows down in a way that he's fairly certain wouldn't typically happen on any kind of earthly interstate, and he glides the car to a halt at the edge of a lake.

Notes: This was so beautiful and such a interesting exploration of Dean’s feelings!

a quick salt and burn by xylodemon on AO3. (4,609 words).

Tags: Episode Related, Cemeteries, Case Fic.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: "Fuck," Dean mutters, wincing as pain throbs in his shoulder and neck. After the ghost chucked him into the hedge, he hit the ground like ton of bricks and clipped an exposed tree root so old it was practically petrified. "So much for a quick salt and burn."

Notes: This is adorable and hilarious, so a double win.

Funny Bone by PallasPerilous on AO3. (4,933 words).

Tags: Fluff and Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Skeletons, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Alternate Universe - No Angels, Canon Divergence, Mild Gore.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: It wasn’t even a particularly creepy skeleton; it was in kind of a “just chillin’” pose on the floor. One ankle was still locked up in a heavy iron cuff, at the end of a short chain leading back to the wall. Snoresville, as dead stuff goes; Dean’s seen worse at Disneyland. It was the skeleton’s comment about Dean’s ass that really livened things up.

Notes: This has to have been one of the funniest fics I have ever read, but oh boy did I feel bad for poor Cas.

Grace by july_19th_club on AO3. (5,164 words).

Tags: Fix-It, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Resurrection, Reciprocated Confession.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: A man dies. What happens next will shock you. [script]

Notes: This was written beautifully, and now I really want to see this filmed! So much better than the ending we got.

(un)conventional by imogenbynight on AO3. (6,100 words).

Tags: Alternate Universe, mechanic!Dean, Writer!Castiel, Conventions, Fluff.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Spec Lit Con--Speckly Con, to it’s regular attendees--is an annual weekend-long event held in Chicago, dedicated to science fiction, fantasy and otherwise speculative literature. This year Dean's favorite author, C.J. Novak, is appearing as a panelist. Naturally, he shells out the cash for an all access pass.

Notes: This was so adorable that I nearly screamed in the corridor outside my computer science lesson. Plus, the writing was absolutely gorgeous! I miss conventions :(

La Vie A Plus by K_K_TiBal on AO3. (6,260 words)

Tags: Punk Castiel, Asexual Castiel, College/Uni AU, Roommates, oh my god they were roommates, College Student Dean, College Student Castiel, Pining, First Kiss, Misunderstandings, Art Student Castiel, Love Confessions, Gabriel is a Little Shit, Tattooed Castiel.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Dean Winchester is hopelessly, head-over-heels in love with his best friend and roommate, Castiel. Castiel - with his blue hair, and his tattoos, and his artwork, and his perfect everything. Dean never stood a chance, really. It only sucks because, as far as Dean can tell, Castiel is definitely not interested. But love, much like art, has a way of being unpredictable. Even if you think you know where you’re going with it.

Notes: The angst is strong in this one! Again, I feel like many aces have had this conversation or that fear that people (allos, especially) may not want to be with them.

Event Horizon by Winglesss on AO3. (6,442 words).

Tags: Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal Dean, Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Past Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Texting, Sharing a Bed, Happy Ending, Veteran Dean, Doctor Dean, Writer Castiel, Strangers.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: Castiel couldn't have helped his sister. That's why being offered a chance to help somebody else dealing with suicidal thoughts he took it without hesitation. When he gets the first text from someone who needs his help, nothing goes as he expected.

Notes: I don’t know if that kind of suicide prevention scheme exists, but this fic is very sweet.

I Think That’s Mine by palominopup on AO3. (6,804 words).

Tags: Fluff, AU, Reporter!Dean, Writer!Cas.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: A mix up at the Atlanta Airport places Dean Winchester's laptop in someone else's possession. A series of calls and texts bring two men together.

Notes: This was so cute, Cas was so sweet, and Dean was an icon.

Nothing Equals the Splendor by RurouniHime on AO3. (7,865 words).

Tags: Fix-It, Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Angst with a Happy Ending, Grief, Explicit Sexual Content, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Declarations of Love, Canon Compliant, Minor Injuries.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Maybe it’s the cynic in him. The hunter, always under the surface of any quietude he ever found. Or maybe it’s just that he has always had trouble with blind faith. But after a while (a blink? A decade? A century?), Dean raises his eyebrows, looks around, and says—

“Uh. No.”

It’s so close. Just so slightly imperfect. And maybe, he analyzes, maybe that’s the final knell of this bell called contentment. Dean’s experience with happiness has always been that last rise in the road, right before it turns. Right before fate comes barreling around the corner head on. He turns in his spot on the bridge, and suddenly Sam is like a cellophane film through which he can see the light streaming, and the taste of cheap beer on his tongue is much, much older a memory than it should be.

“Oh, you’re good,” he says, and means it.

Notes: What a great idea, and written so well! I always thought the show could have done so much more with djinns, but never mind.

In the House of the Rising Bun by imissmaeberry on AO3. (9,046 words).

Tags: Bakery and Coffee Shop, Baker Dean, Barista Sam, College Campus, Poet Castiel, Mutual Pining, Daddy Issues, Background Sam/Jess, Past Balthazar/Castiel.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Dean Winchester only has three rules concerning the cafe he and his brother Sam own, “House of the Rising Bun”.

1. Any and all opportunities to make a pun will be taken. 2. Free regular coffee with your student ID (If you want some of that fancy nonsense you gotta pay, sorry kids). 3. Anyone and everyone is always welcome.

Between Dean running the shop full-time and Sam helping out whenever he isn’t in class, there really isn’t a whole lot of time for romance for either of them. But that all changes when they gain a new regular - some writer from London - who may or may not have the bluest eyes Dean’s ever seen.

Notes: First of all, the puns were amazing and I am willing to fight people on that. Secondly, that was so sweet and funny I am afraid I might have to disappear under mysterious circumstances and open my own cafe…

I hope you enjoy these! I haven’t read any new fics for this list and even then there were way too many to put on one list, so expect a sequel at some point in the future!

[yououghtaknow]

15 + 24?

hi!! thank you so much <3

15. introduce us to your version of william

oh BABY!!!!

okay. so. the thing about william is i have always hated him. as someone who has been in a manipulative situation similar to noorhelm, just hated the man. so, i decided to create a new man. a good man. complex, but good.

enter JAMES ABRAHAM COHEN!!!!! he’s introduced to the song teenagers by mcr and is wearing a trenchcoat over his school uniform, not only because he’s edgy, but because he’s cold because he immigrated to the uk from the middle east. he is, at the beginning, a manwhore, yes. but he’s a party boy, a guitar boy, who rori sees and thinks Yes. My Future Husband. meanwhile he’s just having a drinking contest with his Boys and then talking about his favourite comic book character. he’s not a bad boy TM. he’s a Dumb Teenage Boy.

he's a genuinely nice guy. he apologises to rori as many times as he can, and only stops because she asks him to, and they become friends. he falls madly in love with liz as soon as she starts roasting him. he’s just an Understanding guy who’s made mistakes and is always trying to get better and be there for his friends. he literally let jake live in his flat for a good while. 

and, my favourite thing about james is that he forced his friends to audition for a production of grease with him to see the girl he Loves So Much and ends up getting the lead role???? TWICE???? this man is danny zuko and roger davis. 

also, in my personal opinion, i think james is kind of a superior arthur skamfrance. both have a disability (arthur is hard of hearing, james has autism/adhd), both have abusive family, both are in a love triangle with two beautiful girls (one of whom is a wlw chris b). and also a surprise member of the boy squad starting in season 3. 

also, in a way, my william is a william/jonas/eskild combination??? which is very fun. i just love taking all these different skam dynamic, cutting them up and throwing them in a pot and seeing what looks nice.

also, ONE LAST THING, i think my william has the most reasonable reason to go to london. as it is an hour away from brighton by train and he can come back before the day’s over. because he’s a teenage boy. and we will be seeing a lot more of james in season 5. get ready for it.

24. tell us about a ship that is endgame.

i’m going to be real with you all on tumblr dot com on this night. i honestly don’t know what romantic ships are going to be endgame, because i plan the seasons i’m writing as i’m writing them, so i only have the vague framework of what i want for the endgame of skambr as a whole. so i’m just going to talk about the 3 main romantic ships that are canon as of the end of season 4. and i’m gonna Go Off.

esther/sandy:

OKAY. taking sandy’s story as a whole. she’s kissed her best girl friend. she started dating a guy she doesn’t like. she’s desperate for something new to come along. and esther has just moved back from germany. she just wants to meet someone to talk to because she’s so lonely. and boom. they run into each other one night by chance and it’s “oh my god she’s so pretty” at first sight. and then they start talking and become friends so quickly (and esther introduces sandy to the keysmash). also, nooreva should’ve been canon. i have rectified that.

but god. the way they have their conversation in s1 e4 and almost kiss but get interrupted by sophie??? god. and when they actually kiss in s1 e6 and suddenly everything’s Good until they get caught. and sandy Runs because what else can she do? she’s terrified. and esther stays. and when they see each other again, esther doesn’t say anything because she knows sandy can’t talk about it. until sandy gets outed and attacked by the football team, and esther instantly goes to protect her and puts her own feelings aside to make sure sandy’s okay. and sandy just Needed a safe place to land like esther for so long. and when they finally kiss at the christmas fair as “girls like girls” plays????? god.

and their relationship in all of the later seasons GOD. i love them. their fight and reconciliation in season 2. them just being together casually, with sandy healing from her past and learning to truly love herself, and esther opening up and having someone there to comfort her when she needs it. and the fact that they’re still friends throughout it all, because it;s not just friends to lovers. it’s friends to friends AND lovers. also when esther sang “boy problems” by crj at sandy..... ICONIC

liz/james:

GOD. okay these two are really one of my favourite dynamics i’ve ever written. because they start as “oh you’re the annoying guy my best friend’s got a crush on”. and go to “oh you’re the ASSHOLE who broke my friend’s heart”. to “oh she may have forgiven you, but i Have Not”. and james is just like “I Am Being So Nice And She Still Hates Me”. but then we see liz seeing james’s art piece at the end of s2 e1. and she connects with it so deeply. and then they have their first real conversation in the next episode and they have a lot in common. they get each other. and he sings “perfect for you” from n2n to her. and she gets so overwhelmed by the fact that her mind might be changing that she just Runs Away.

and then we get the sleepover scene and GOD. one of my favourite scenes to write. james being a good cook??? james smoking out the window and liz making fun of his guitar. and then liz beginning to play james’s brother’s piano and james making it a duet as they sing “falling slowly” from once together. and then they share a bed and instead of saying something creepy, james just says “i think we might be becoming friends”. and she texts him immediately after the prank on the holiday episode. and their first kiss. GOD. with him always calling her elizabeth and the pride and prejudice parallels and “bad idea” from waitress...... and then them spending the next day together. also, in the first kiss clip liz says that she “hates one direction”, and in the next morning clip, one direction plays as she walks with james. it’s a metaphor baby!!!!!1

and their whole political dynamic GOD. it’s actually based a lot on how my politics have changed from when i was 14, beginning to write the series, and now. with going from the centrist-liberal ideas of “all violence is bad :) racism isn’t that bad guys :)” to liz using her privilege as a rich white girl to fully bail james out of jail for assaulting the man who’s been racially harrassing him for months. and the scene where liz has her meltdown at school and james takes her home, puts her to bed, and sings her to sleep. AND THE SCENE WHERE HE COMES OUT TO HER AS TRANS GOD. also them just being nice in the background of season 3 and 4. delightful.

bree/rori:

THIS RELATIONSHIP IS LITERALLY ONE OF MY FAVOURITES TOO GOD. their DYNAMIC in the scene where bree is introduced and rori is all starry eyed over her and bree will already do Anything for her. it’s about the “i want to be her friend so bad” kind of crushes. and bree and rori getting closer and closer as the season goes on, and they get the “i bet i can make you horny” scene because i just think it’s really fun.

and GOD. the evilde plot in skam og makes me. so Mad. but here...... it’s about the internalised homophobia. it’s about the wanting one good movie kiss. it’s about the them making out to one direction in the middle of a school event. AND THEM DOING THE PRANK TOGETHER ON THE EASTER HOLIDAY EPISODE. QUEEN SHIT! and the scene where bree is drunk and talking to liz about how it feels to be in love...... that was about rori!!!! and when they played sandy and rizzo in grease together. the homoeroticism, the best friendship.

and in season 3 when nick and rori get together and bree is just standing there, jake talking to her and she looks into the camera...... god. and SEASON FOUR RORIANNA. WHICH IS THEIR SHIP NAME IN MY HEAD. GOD. them just being best friends and bree being silently in love with her because she’s happy that rori is happy with nick (who is also her friend). the scene where they “practise kissing” because rori is scared to kiss a girl onstage (we love internalised homophobia), and how bree also ignores it because she’s scared of conflict. and they’re always so there for each other. rori being there to support bree so hard when bree’s at her lowest point. bree being there for rori and ready to fight for her. bree going from waking up next to josh, to waking up alone, to waking up next to rori. them going from slow dancing to daylight by taylor swift to laughing and dancing on a crowded stage in la vie boheme.

quite genuinely? they have it all. evilde. sana/chris b. eva/chris b. noora/chris b. noora/vilde. it’s about girls supporting girls and also them kind of being cut from the same cloth as sandy/esther. one of them having internalised homophobia and running away from the kiss, and the other silently loving them until they get a yes or a no. 

anyways every relationship i write is about having clear consent and respect for your partner at all times. and also about friends to lovers. and also the tenderness of musical theatre couples. oh shit now i want to talk about jake/al. well. this is my tumblr blog and you all have to deal with me.

jake/al: jake and al are currently Not Together as of skam brighton season 4 but god. i love writing their relationship so much. it’s about them meeting when al is in a manic episode and jake is deep in his depression and grief. about the nothing and the everything. it’s about the jason and peter secret gay lovers, the tony and maria falling in love on the balcony and having their first kiss at a pretend wedding, the romeo and juliet whirlwind romance that ends in tragedy. it’s about the bright orpheus al with his music and his bright life and sad, bitter jake, hating everything about himself and holding his own, but then falling in love and finding a way to build himself a new life, while al is falling down into a deep depressive episode. and then jake picks al up and gives him the tools he needs to help him step back from the ledge. and then al, who’s spent the entire season chasing after jake and the joy he gives him, turns around and walks away to better himself. and jake is okay with it, because he also needs time on his own to get better, and they agree to stay close friends, and they do!!! it’s about the gay experience of falling madly in love and then going back to be friends.

[fire-fira]

Something I feel like a doofus for not realizing--

So I headcanon the turtles as quadruplets. It’s just the way I’ve always seen them, regardless of whatever varying canon. Of course they have their birth order from oldest to youngest (which I’m comfortable with the idea of it varying depending on the reality), but I came to the realization earlier today that I have been criminally not thinking through the full effects of them being quadruplets.

I HAVE BEEN IGNORANT TO THE POSSIBILITIES.

SO--

The standard arguments over who’s oldest.

Naturally-- in most cases-- Leo’s the oldest.

- So of course Leo pulls the “I don’t even know why we’re arguing about this” card.

- “But you could easily not be the oldest.” Donnie has to get his two cents in.

- “That’s ridiculous. We already know I’m oldest. Why is this even an issue?”

- “Ohohooo, Fearless doesn’t wanna admit he might not be the oldest!” Raph please.

- “...I’m done with this conversation.”

- “Leeeeooooo. Leeeeeoooo~. What if you’re younger than me Leeeeoooo~?” Leo knows everything’s going sideways when Mikey decides to get in on it since he’s the one who usually insists he’s youngest.

- “There’s no way I’m younger than you Mikey. I’m older than you. I’m sure even Raph is older than you, and he could be the youngest.”

- Donnie’s just, “...That didn’t even make sense.”

- “I’m still the oldest. Let’s just leave it at that.”

- Raph scoffing, “What, by two minutes? Doesn’t count.”

- “Still oldest.”

- The conversation doesn’t happen often, but when it does it can go on for a while.

Bouts of blaming things they each did on the others.

- “You thought it was me? I didn’t do that. It was Raph.”

- “Mikey, I saw you.”

- “Are you sure April? We are quadruplets y’know.”

- “You’re not identical! None of you are even twins by regular turtle standards.”

- “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how ‘not me’ and ‘it must have been one of the other three turtles who look exactly like me’ the whole situation is.”

- “You don’t even have the same scale-tone.”

- “Quaaaaad-ruuuu-pleeeeets~.”

“Donnie, did ya steal my elbow pads?”

- “Raph, why would I steal your elbow pads?”

- “’Cause they’re th’ same size as yours.”

- “Wh- No they’re not. We’re not even close to the same size.”

- “Sure we are.”

- “No we’re-- whatever. Check with Leo or Mikey. They’re closer to your size anyway.”

- “...Are you callin’ me fat?”

- “No. Just-- Raph no. You’re just bigger than I am.”

- “We’re quadruplets Donnie. For fuck’s sake. There ain’t that much of a size-difference.”

- “Will you get out of my lab already?!”

- It turns out Leo had Raph’s elbow pads all along.

Despite moments like the previous point, Donnie trying to get out of things so he can work on his projects by asking one of his brothers to substitute for him.

- Leo: “...You know this isn’t going to work, right?”

- “It will with the right amount of reptile-safe spray-tan.”

- “...I’m not even going to ask why you made that a thing.”

- Raph: “No offense Don, but I’m pretty sure th’ accent’s gonna give me away.”

- “So just don’t talk.”

- “...And the different shade o’ green.”

- “...I’ll come up with something.”

- “You are not bleachin’ my scales or whatever.”

- “I’d never ask you to do something that dangerous.”

- “Sure ya would, when it involves blowin’ stuff up.”

- “...When it involves blowing stuff up. Try wearing a trench coat and sticking to the shadows while not talking. Maybe fake laryngitis.”

- “Y’know, this’d be a lot easier if ya’d just go yourself.”

- “Nope. Projects. Coffee. Be my stand-in or I’ll tell Mikey to steal your gear again.”

- “It was Leo last time, genius.”

- Donnie grinning. “Are you sure?”

- “I think I know how ta tell our brothers apart Brainiac.”

- “But we’re quadruplets. We’re almost identical.”

- “You break that out when it benefits you, but ya deny it otherwise? That’s rude Don. That’s just cruel.”

- Mikey: “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

- “Sure I’m sure. If you have to, start talking about the theoretical physics of superheroes and Star Trek. No one will ever know.”

- “...Donnie, you’re a genius.”

- Smiling. “I have my moments.”

Moments of Mikey shrieking, “You can’t hate me! I’m the baby! I’m the youngest!”

- “BY FIVE SECONDS!”

- “Now see, we don’t even know if it’s by seconds, minutes, or hou- aaaaaAAAAAAHHH!” Crash, thud, thump.

- “...Leo, is Mikey okay?”

- “I wouldn’t worry April. This happens on a pretty regular basis.”

- Crash, clatter, shriek. “Donniiieee, save me! As the best big brother ever, saaaave meeeee~!”

- Donnie sipping at his coffee, “Hm? What was that? I think I hear the sound of ‘We’re quadruplets, our birth order doesn’t matter, so Raph won’t kill you if he wants to stay second-oldest, and therefore Donnie doesn’t have to save you from anything’.”

- “Birth order ain’t ranking Don!”

- “I will find a way.”

- Mikey perking up. “Did you just paraphrase Jurassic Park?”

- “Maybe.”

- “DO-DO-DOOT-DOOT-DOOT~ DO-DO-DOOT-DOOT-DOOT~”

- “Mikey, I swear ta god, if you don’t stop singin’ that song like that-”

- “But the Jurassic Park theme is iconic! And I’m the baaaabyyyyy~!”

- “By only three damn seconds!”

- “Hey! You can’t change how long it was between us! I call foul!”

- Leo shaking his head. “And this is why I’m not concerned.”

“Hey Donnie, d’you know where I can find the medical tape?”

- “Ask my older brother.”

- “...Which one?”

- “I have more than one?”

- “Donnie... What the shit.”

- “In answer to your question Casey, Leo’s on probation.”

- “...How the hell does someone end up bein’ ‘on probation’ from bein’ the oldest?”

- “By breaking my coffee-maker.”

- “Oh.”

- “At this rate, Mikey might even be vying for the title.”

- “...I don’t think that’s how that works.”

- “I’ve been without coffee for a full day. I’ll make it work if I have to.”

Not to mention the bouts from Splinter (that would happen anyway) of--

- “Ra-Mi-Le-Donatello!”

- “Le-Mi-Don-Raphael!”

- “Don-Le-Ra-Michelangelo!”

- “Ra-Don-Mi-Leonardo!”

- (Anyone who has siblings, you know it’s true.)

At least several instances of one of them (probably most likely Donnie or Mikey) getting the four of them matching things with their specific colors-- blankets, coats, cups, whatever.

- The one time Leo did it (without actually being serious) he committed the heinous crime of getting them matching oversized ugly x-mas sweaters.

- Because they “looked warm”.

- Raph banned Leo from getting them matching anything for a year. His is stuffed somewhere in a closet or drawer in his room never to see the light of day if he has any say over it.

- Mikey insisted on wearing his proudly.

- Donnie kept his for use in the cold months, but otherwise denies its existence.

“Raph, why is Mikey sitting on your shoulders?”

- “‘Cause he likes ta feel tall. That a crime Fearless?”

- “We’re all the same height.”

- “No we’re not!”

- “Mikey... You were trying to argue that we’re identical just yesterday.”

- “Pffft. That was then, this is now. And Raph’s tallest.”

- From the direction of Donnie’s lab. “I told you that you’re bigger than me!”

- “Damn it Don, no I’m not.”

- “You can’t have it both ways!”

- “Tell that ta Mikey!”

- “But we caaaan have it both ways~! Because we’re quaaadruuupleeeets~.”

- “...Mikey, that makes no sense. Raph, please put Mikey down.”

- “He can do what he wants.”

- “As the oldest I’m saying put him down. Mikey, get off.”

- “Pffft. Older by ten seconds maybe.”

- “Raph. If you trip and the two of you get hurt, I’m not responsible for either of you.”

- “He’s not gonna trip.”

- “Oh really? And why is that?”

- “Quadruplet magic.”

- “Oh for the love of- Mikey. Please. Just get down.”

- “Uh-oh, Raph. Leo can’t handle the younger brother awesomeness.”

- “...We should go get Donnie in on this.”

- “YEEEESSSSS!”

- “Oh my god NO. Donnie! Don’t listen to them!”

(I find it hilarious how 2003 keeps invading as my base reality to work from.)

lol I’m tempted to keep going, but this is already ridiculously long as is. (Please feel free to add more if you have ideas.)

[bollywood-and-phoenix-feather]

incomplete list of gay st episodes

happy pride here’s my contribution

season 1:

city on the edge of forever

domestic!au

spock’s Poorly Concealed Jealousy

the actual physical woman jim is supposed to be boning (to spock, on where they belong): “you? at his side, as if you’ve always been there and always will”

p l e a s e

the naked time

I'm choking just thinking about this ok

spock, inhibitions lost, fucking tackling jim about his feelings

h a n d h o l d i n g

canon dialogue: “when I feel friendship for you, I am ashamed”

shore leave

“push...push hard....d i g  it  I N  T H E R E, MISTER SPO --

thankyouyeomanthat’ssufficient”

truly legendary

flirting in life-threatening situations(TM)

the planet gives them whatever they desire most & spock’s travel time is suspiciously fast

the devil in the dark

oh my god

standard Battle Power Couple bullshit

orders? don’t know her. we disobey orders to save each other like MEN

dramatic cave-ins

spock melds with an alien & jim is very close to losing his shit

as usual

operation: annihilate

okay listen basically any episode where spock gets sick/injured is fuckng...Too Much

McCoy: uh jim.......do you not mayhaps have a ship to run??

jim: do I look like i FUCKING care. my bf’s hurt just Do Something

errand of mercy

this episode is so fucking slow

do you know why?

because they can’t. stop flirting.

please y’all are trying to sneak into a compound can you tone it down and FOCUS for two (2) seconds

this side of paradise

this isn’t even that gay it’s just included on principle

did u kno star trek invented sex pollen?

yup.

spock hangs upside-down from a tree just watch it

season 2:

we getting real gay real fast kids

amok time

this is it. this is The Episode. this is the hallowed ground where it all began

seriously watch this Very First about 800000000 fanfic things will make sense

jim & spock Not Looking at each other and discussing Vulcan mating habits

spock about to challenge all Vulcan traditions bringing jim (and bonus bones) down to Vulcan

spock! smiling!

SPOCK! SMILING! AT! JIM!

spock, in full Vulcan mating throes, wrestling jim to the ground

later “huh my mating drive is gone now. fascinating”

spock, logically: ‘I can’t talk about this based on thousands of years of Vulcan privacy” 

spock, gayly: “yeah ok jim i’ll tell u”

I can’t even list everything this ep is such bullshit just watch it

mirror mirror

‘if I read my Spocks correctly”

spock w a beard, jim w a cutoff tank. true gay fashion icons

sparkly eyeshadow

spock being ordered to kill jim for his own gain and Not Doing It

u just Kno that jim has to keep reminding himself not to flirt w mirror!spock

bread and circuses

this made me and @phoenixexploded SCREAM in my kitchen

flavius and his cutoff shorts? a Gay McFreakin Icon

u kno that post that’s like ‘gay people don’t know how to use chairs’ yeah

this ep is more mcspock than anything

flirting snark in inopportune situations, including but not limited to: during a fight for their lives, in a prison cell, in a prison cell AGAIN

spock saves bones’ life

bones: “why, you wouldn’t know what to do with a genuine, human emotion --” “really, doctor?” “yeah, i’m worried about jim too”

not mentioned above: the FUCKING sex eyebrows. bones keeps flicking his eyes to spock’s lips.

the sexual tension is eNormous. save them

the ultimate computer

when your bf gets jealous of a computer

bones: spock sure loves that computer

jim: yeah I Hate It. No Reason Why Just a Bad Feeling

Actual Canon Dialogue: “Computers make excellent and efficient servants, but I have no wish to serve under them. Captain, the starship also runs on loyalty to one man, and nothing can replace it, or him.”

friday’s child

jim & bones have a fight & when jim apologizes spock basically tells him off Vulcan-style

uh bones adopts a baby it’s fine

bones is holding hands w this warrior lady and when spock walks by he YANKS his hand out of hers like a guilty kid

spock makes an Angst Face and walks away

there is no context for any of this

bones: “you put one hand here to support its head -- “ spock: “I would rather - I would rather not”

the baby gets named “leonard james” and they’re like spock what a great name right? what do you think?

spock: I think the two of you will be insufferable for a week, captain

journey to babel

fucking. iconique

Worst Meet The Parents Ever

Amanda & Jim bond over being in love with Vulcans

Spock & Sarek bond over their illogical humans

jim pretends he’s not Literally Dying of a stab wound so spock can save his dad

the apple

can you maybe Stop Flirting before you’re all dead

handholding bc why not

spock Yeets Himself in front of a poison dart (for jim ofc) and then tries to say it was the logical course of action

bones calls spock the devil pt 1

a piece of the action

“spocko”

spock says jim’s driving alarms him

this episode is terrible. please watch it

the changeling

spock melds with a computer & gets hurt and jim LOSES IT

no platonic touches we cling to each other’s arms instead

catspaw

this ep is complete batshit

bones calls spock the devil pt 2

kinky dungeon adventures

the deadly years

this shit is ANGSTY

they all start aging really fast ig

jim: ‘i’m not pretty anymore’ spock: I love u anyway captain 

spock displaces jim for his own good and jim’s like ‘how could u of all people betray me like this. I thought u LOVED me’

season 3:

and the children shall lead

turbolift makeouts

”my Vulcan friend”

can your bf bring you out of a full-blown, alien-induced panic attack by saying your name one (1) time? no? didn’t think so

need me a freak like THAT

this also made us start shrieking in the kitchen btw. my mom thought we were dying

the tholian web

this is The Angstiest Episode of TOS

they think jim’s dead & can’t stop arguing and it’s Sad

jim leaves them (just Spock and Bones btw) a message to listen to after his death & it’s like ‘trust each other. be strong. love, ur bf’

when they find him he’s like ‘what happened? how’d u get along without me? what did u think of my message”

& they’re like ‘haha what message. nah it was fine.’

jim: yeah sure I call bullshit

whom gods destroy

this megalomaniac captain gets a crush on jim & spock is Not Having It

at various points the bad guy impersonates both of them. both jim and spock can tell that it’s him.

like listen. as a viewer I have the benefit of dramatic timing and background music and I couldn’t even tell

in conclusion, it’s gay, lads. thanks for coming to my tedx talk.

i’ll be back soon with additions esp to season 3. u can’t stop me.

[talkingismylifewrites]

okay, hi!!! so I love the Pina Colada verse SO MUCH!!!!!!! and it’s inspired me to watch Happy Endings and this is the GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH I just have to say that!!! but also I started thinking of like,, obviously Pina Colada all starts based off a Brad and Jane storyline, and I’m watching one today where their storyline is they were on a reality show, and Brad had just met Jane for the first time and called her a bitch and Jane is pissed and basically all I can think of is what if that 1/2

2/3 happened in some way with Bri & Rog in Pina Colada verse? like I guess Brian is Brad based on their positions in the other ep so I’m just imagining he meets the soon to be love of his life for the first time & calls him a bitch (which like, haha you guys are gonna fall in love) & at some point later Roger finds out & chaos & just! I guess all I’m saying is this is a great show + it works SO well for their relationship like also their horniness is great & I love it & you can apply anything...

canon Jane & Brad to Roger & Brian and it’d be straight up ICONIC 👏🏼💖 I love this show and I love Roger and Brian in your verse and I also love Veronica and John in your verse, I should add that. those 2 are stars. anyway thank you for writing iconic stuff bye!

i am so so so glad i’ve converted you to the happy endings dark side!! i’ve been suffering in silence since it’s cancellation

gone but not forgotten

also i’m so happy you love the piña colada verse so much!! i loved writing it and love hearing from all of you who i’ve somehow managed to trick into reading my shit!! you’re the real mvps

but yeah there is definitely a strong chance that brian calls roger a bitch when they first meet

mostly because brian is Stupid and also because he can’t exactly like process his feelings like a normal human being

so for him, he’s like oh my god that is the prettiest man i have ever seen 

oh no he’s playing the drums like a god

his eyelashes are illegally pretty

i hate him

this all goes down in like 3 seconds and brian just panics and shouts out 

BITCH!

like his brain is like can’t process shutting down man too gorgeous we like him how DARE he make us like him!!!! self destruct

BITCH!

and roger on the outside is like haha yeah i have that effect on people

but on the inside he is like...ouch how dare he he doesn’t even know me how can he call me a bitch when he doesn’t even know how much of a bitch i can be????

i’m gonna fuck his best friend

aka

tim

so roger joins the band, seduces tim, drives brian mad and has the time of his life

meanwhile brian is like i have....ruined everything...i am going to die alone...i will never know the pleasure of being with the beautiful roger

and roger is just like aggressively tongue fucking tim like THAT’LL SHOW HIM WHO’S THE BITCH NOW

turns out its tim who kinda gets the feeling that roger doesn’t actually like him and starts pressuring roger to make them facebook official or whatever it was called in 1970

so roger dumps him with a high five in a bar

and brian is like THIS IS MY MOMENT

but roger, who by now has moved past the whole “brian called me a bitch so i fucked his best friend” straight into “i fucked his best friend but i really want to be fucking him Oh No I Have Caught A Feeling” 

and hides it by dating/sleeping around because Brian Thinks He’s A Bitch

then one day they get really really drunk and brian’s anxiety comes to a head and he’s like look i’ve been dying over this forever but i definitely called you a bitch when we first met and I DIDN’T MEAN IT my brain just freaked out and it slipped out and i do not mean it i think you’re amazing

and rogers like haha okay

but inside he’s like HE THINKS I’M AMAZING FETCH THE VICAR WE SHALL BE MARRIED IN THE MORNING

brian wakes up the next morning, realizes he told roger he was amazing, and immediately asks out the cute blonde chick (margaret? marie? mary?) from biba to disguise his feelings 

and thus

the piña colada verse aka idiots in love

[taz-manic]

Fuzzy and Out of Balance (3 / ??)

Lucretia knew you weren't dangerous. If you were even anywhere near to that word, it would be to yourself. You had, over the weeks you've been in the Bureau, have pushed people away. Avi and Johann were adamant about visiting you, Avi because he thought you were fun, and Johann because you could tell him the vast past of his world and he could make songs based on terrible legends no one would want to remember. Merle, of course, came around. Magnus and Taako, not as much. Maybe to pick up Merle, maybe to ask a vague question. You didn't mind their hesitance--you could list off every fact about them. And the fact that you're pretty sure they both know you're hiding something you can never say. And hey! Even if you did, they wouldn't fucking hear it! Which is absolutely disheartening.

As the days flicked by, you began to learn. You knew nothing but this world, and not even the basic necessities. Lucretia--Madam Director--worked with you for hours, teaching you how to function as a human being. It was difficult, of course, as you had the emotional stability of a cracked egg on a python. You would often burst into tears or get angry because you didn't /know/ how to emote properly. But Lucretia taught you, and as you two spent hours upon hours alone--occasionally with Merle--you talked. You confessed you knew it all--every facet of their past. Every year they went through, everything they did. You slowly manipulated Lucretia into thinking you're a time god of the past--you would never tell her the future. Even if she had taken you under her wing, you didn't want to alert her to anything she shouldn't know. You know it would ruin her. And you loved her too much to do that.

It was the day before the Midsummer Solstice, and you and Lucretia were sat in her private office next to the voidfish. You idly spoke with her about anything that came to mind, mostly what she planned for tomorrow. What she would do. And as you sat, and almost feeling real peace, your vision statics over and you're seeing another vision. Five figures stand opposed to the endless, colorful blackness. Three stand tall, one holds up a staff, and one cries. The darkness is dispelled, and--and your vision disappears. Slowly, you begin to see, and you have a hand readied to break the glass of the baby voidfish's tank. Lucretia is standing next to you, a hand gripping your fist to keep the tank safe. You step back and fall to the floor in a heap. Your hands tremble and you reach for words you can't use because they don't exist. Then, you speak:

"This form is... Taxing." You wheeze out. Lucretia, who was pulled to the ground with you, fixes herself and sits on her feet at your side. You close your eyes tightly and take in a deep breath. "Godly energy isn't supposed to be here. But I am fine--just. If I ever zonk out for too long, just knock me out. I'll learn to deal with it, or give a cue, or something. Because I will mess everything up. Why? i don't know. I don't know anything." You get up to stand, just as you hear a knocking way down the hall. Lucretia presses you down with a stern expresion.

"It isn't your fault. I trust you." She says softly, before standing and going to answer the door past the illusions. You sit, and you feel trust wrap around you. You haven't--well. You haven't felt much of anything but extremes, but now you feel the gentle caress of trust. Of being loved. You stand almost immediately and leave that feeling behind. You're a liar and a manipulator. You could save their lives. Yet you aren't.

As you walk out into Lucretias office, you see Merle flanked by Magnus and Taako. All three seem giddy--probably for the carnival tomorrow. You walk up and wave, and Lucretia turns around with a soft, slightly angry expression, but it disappears as Merle says "Just the person I wanted to see! I wanted ta invite you out with us tomorrow. To go to the carnival, you know?" Merle looks up at Magnus, who grins widely and nods. Taako, well. He's Taako. He isn't beside himself, but he does have a little smile on his face. You are surprised that you have no idea why they're so excited. You don't remember them being like this before. Your eyes glaze over for a second, but Lucretia is fast to clap a firm hand on your shoulder.

"They will be glad to. They need some time out anyway." She answers for you. You are both relieved and a bit worried--you suck at carnival games. You look up at Lucretia, who smiles and nods. Okay. Okay. Just have fun. You smile wide and give a thumbs up! Fuck yeah man! Cool.

--

The next day rolls around, and you exit your quarters--directly next to Davenport's, so Lucretia always has her two best people right there--with a silly Magic Brian outfit on. You made it magically with Avi a few weeks ago, who was more than a little excited to make a bit of fun of an old betrayer to the BoB. You put on your best "I am pretty, and I fucking know it, but please don't stare I am still super not into that" look, mostly taking from how you've seen Taako hold himself, and get going to the meetup spot. You see the trio--Magnus as Taako, Taako as some Judge, and Merle as Ursula. Just... Just as terrible as you envisioned. Its oddly charming but also god fuck. You wave, and are immediately swept up in their antics. A stick of fried unicorn dick--You get some fried fantasy vegetable since you aren't a fan of dick--later, and you arrive at the goddamn knocking down cans game. You shiver and immediately whisper to the boys in a harsh tone, "Don't play. You won't win. Can't use magic, its illegal and will get you stamped with a cheaters icon on your hand." The boys hear you, and for a second they're thinking of ignoring that warning, but then they remember you're a fucking time god. So, instead, they pelt the man himself with a ball. And... They get banned from all carnival games. You blink, but as you do, another memory pops up of this event. The screech. The... You remember their good rolls, but you've changed canon. Its too late for fate to be the same. You yank Taako and Magnus down to your level, and you harshly whisper "Cover your fucking ears with whatever you have on you." They don't listen this time. At least, Magnus and Taako don't. They roll their eyes and try to console you, but you clap your hands over your ears just as Merle did as a screech rings out in the area. Taako and Magnus both fail to not be affected as this wave of sound breaks past. You know its dealt damage to the both of them, and definitely blown both back. You quiver and immediately grab Merle and start running to Madame Director, who peers out of her great hall door. Taako and Magnus, after groaning and standing up, follow.

"Boys." Lucretia begins, her hand encircling her staff and a short glass of wine as she stretches out one bandage covered leg. Mummy! Classic. You suggested it. Easy and useful in case of attack. "That was..." She trailed off and waved her wine a bit, before sighing. She looks pointedly at you, then nods.

"Well!" You begin. "Big bad shit. Big bad thing. Ea--no um. Destroying the whole world thing. Its angry and it screamed in anger. Its... The eyes? Were. It trying to find... Something. I don't know what, but... No okay thats all I know." You fake a pained expression and hold your head with a few huffs. Lucretia looks momentarily upset, but she calms down quickly.

"Because of this, I must urge you boys to seek out the next relic. I kno--" She is quickly interrupted by Taako, who says "They knew it was going to happen and they warned us. Are you sure you don't know anything else, /darling/?" Taako--well. He didn't speak with malice, more annoyance. Eternal annoyance. You, well. You shrug. "I don't know, exactly all of the future but certain things do come up based on educated... No okay fucking! Fucking fine. Let me be real." You stand up straighter, and Lucretia does too. You have a slight stare off, before you cover your face and drag your hands down your face. "I can see the future. Not too far, maybe a week. I know whats about to happen the best, I didn't want to tell you because if I tell you EVERYTHING, you'll change how you act and then I can't, I can't even help you a little bit. I only see one future, one past. I don't see all possibilities. If I spout shit now, before its of vital importance, then I have no fucking cards. No cards! No cards on my fucking side!" You throw up your hands and really begin ranting. "Then what am I? A fucking useless person? Everything I know about the past is final, that shit has passed. But people already know the past. My vague understanding--my understanding of the future and knowing shit I shouldn't in the past is the ONLY thing keeping me here! I am useless if I tell you everything. I can give hints, I can give mere seconds of, of a fucking hint before an event to hopefully save you life and limb. But I can't fucking dictate your entire lives. Time--time doesn't--WORK like that!" You... May be a pathological liar! You are now realising that. You're weaving and unweaving a web of lies to protect yourself. Of course, the raw emotion behind your words are real. You do feel as if you'd be useless without your power. Who would you be? What could you even do? Tears burn down your.cheeks as you keep ranting. "I'm not even fucking from here! If I'm not something to you guys, I'll die downstairs on the real fucking planet and be a--an idiot, alone and, talentless, alone, talentless, and stupid. Stupid and emotional. And I don't want to fuck up the good ending I know is in the future by fucking with what you have now! I know you'll all /live/ and--and--" Your hands curl into fists, just as your vision begins to fade into static. You panic and cry out to Lucretia, who you see command Magnus with fear in her eyes just as you fade away.

You stand next to June, who holds the Temporal Chalice. She stands in front of nothing, the white void immeasurable. She hums to herself, before looking at you and simply saying "You aren't real." You ask her how can you.not be real? You eat, you breathe, you learn. She thinks on this, before she shakes your head. "Thats a paradox. You can't exist. You are... A book. No, not a book. A living catalogue of events not your own. You're... Fro--" and your vision fizzles out.

When you awake, the carnival has long ended, and you feel it in your gut. The Tres Horny Boys are gone to Goldcliff. A shiver races up your spine and you almost cry. You slink into Davenports room and wake him up. He stares at you, before you sit next to him with your hands in your lap. He is groggy, but then you start telling him a journey. A journey made up, a journey of three.brothers and their father.

[halloweendailynews]

With the highly anticipated new Halloween movie, executive produced by John Carpenter and arriving in theaters in October 2018, about to begin filming, co-writer Danny McBride has just revealed a few new details about the project, mostly confirming what Carpenter already said, that the new film will in fact present an “alternate” version of events following the original 1978 Halloween, ignoring all existing sequels, and he’s really hoping it doesn’t “piss people off”.

Following last night’s series finale of HBO’s Vice Principals, the show’s creators McBride and his Rough House Pictures partner David Gordon Green will now turn their attention to Haddonfield and the upcoming return of Michael Myers to movie screens. Speaking to Yahoo today (Happy #MichaelMyersMonday!), McBride not only confirms what we already knew about the new timeline, but further confesses that he really hopes “we don’t f*** it up” for fans of the franchise.

Explaining how they got Jamie Lee Curtis to return as Laurie Strode, McBride says, “I’m a humongous Halloween fan, so when David and I got approached about doing this from Blumhouse, the first thing David and I said was, ‘We’ll come up with a take, but we have to pitch it to Carpenter. If he’s not interested, we’re definitely not into making this.’ And (executive producer) Jason Blum was totally on board with that. That’s exactly what he wanted to do anyway. So we came up with our pitch. We pitched to Carpenter, and he was into it, which kind of blew David and me away, but I still think nobody was really talking about Jamie. I think everyone was kind of on the mindset of it’d be a grab to get her, but no one really knew if we would be able to.

“So Dave and I just busted our ass on this script to really make that Laurie Strode character something she wouldn’t be able to say no to. When we finished the script, we sent it to her, and she said she was in. So we just flipped out. We were over the moon about her involvement.”

Further confirming what we already know, McBride says, “We’re kind of ignoring all the films past the first one. It picks up after the first one, but it’s sort of an alternate reality. It’s as if the first Halloween ended in a slightly different way.”

Expressing a refreshing desire to honestly please the most hardcore fans of the franchise, McBride says, “I just hope that we don’t f*** it up and piss people off. This is such a diehard fan base. You don’t want horror fans being your enemies because they show up at your house with masks on.

“We are diehard fans of Halloween. We’re watching all the sequels and where things have taken left turns here and there that maybe bites for fans, and at least trying to deliver what we would have wanted to see. Hopefully that will line up with most fans.

“I think you should be very scared. I mean, this isn’t a comedy at all. I think there was, like, maybe one joke on the page, but the rest is straight horror. So hopefully it gets in people’s heads and keeps them up late at night.”

Judy Greer was recently reported to be in talks to play Karen Strode, who is Laurie Strode’s daughter in the new film. We’re still awaiting official cast announcements, which should be forthcoming pretty much imminently.

As we recently reported, Halloween 2018 will begin filming any day now in Charleston, South Carolina.

Jamie Lee Curtis returns to her iconic role as Laurie Strode, who comes to her final confrontation with Michael Myers, the masked figure who has haunted her since she narrowly escaped his killing spree on Halloween night four decades ago.

Master of horror John Carpenter will executive produce and serve as creative consultant on this film, joining forces with cinema’s current leading producer of horror, Jason Blum (Get Out, Split, The Purge, Paranormal Activity). Inspired by Carpenter’s classic, filmmakers David Gordon Green and Danny McBride crafted a story that carves a new path from the events in the landmark 1978 film, and Green also directs.

Halloween will be produced by Malek Akkad, whose Trancas International Films has produced the Halloween series since its inception. Green and McBride will executive produce under their Rough House Pictures banner.

Halloween will be distributed worldwide by Universal Pictures.

You can read everything we know so far about Halloween 2018 here.

As I’m sure you are well aware, 2018 marks the 40th anniversary of the release of John Carpenter’s original 1978 Halloween. It is also worth noting that the film’s release date also happens to be Michael Myers’ birthday (in 1957), according to the original franchise canon.

The new Halloween arrives in theaters on October 19, 2018.

Keep watching this site for updates on the return of Michael Myers and all the latest news on the next Halloween movie!

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Jamie Lee Curtis returns as Laurie Strode in ‘Halloween’ 2018!

Read all of our HALLOWEEN 2018 coverage here!

For more Halloween news, follow @HalloweenDaily.

Happy #MichaelMyersMonday! Danny McBride Confirms 'Halloween' 2018 Details; Hopes to Please Fans! #HalloweenMovie #H40 #Halloween2018 With the highly anticipated new Halloween movie, executive produced by John Carpenter and arriving in theaters in October 2018, about to begin filming, co-writer…

[mycroft-silently-judges-you]

Sherlock, James Bond, and the Frankly Alarming Amount of Skyfall Parallels

(((This is Part 3 of my 18 part meta series (x) analyzing EMP Theory and evidence supporting it in TFP)))

Skyfall release date: November 9th, 2012

Sherlock series 3 release date: January 1st, 5th & 12th, 2014

Starting with series three, Sherlock started to let the Skyfall references fly, the most obvious being one that nearly everyone caught at the time:

Which was the point. Gatiss and Moffat wanted us to catch onto the Skyfall reference because they already knew what they were going to do with series four and this was meant to act as an attention-getter. As for why they would use Skyfall specifically, it’s because it was the last released James Bond movie at the time and it would be the one the public would be most likely to recognize being referenced there’s also the whole Bond faking his death thing but whatever

Does that mean there are no references to other Bond movies? Not at all. Did you wonder why they would go through the trouble and expense of making a metal grill for a bad guy you see for the grand total of two seconds?

Or why a bomb was stopped on an important number reference?

Or why THEY LITERALLY CAST SOMEONE WHO HAD BEEN IN A BOND MOVIE TO HEAD SHERRINFORD???

Coincidence? The universe is rarely so lazy.

Below the cut:

An exhaustive list and picture reference for every Skyfall parallel

References to other James Bond movies

How we know it’s canon Sherlock has seen the James Bond movies

How, in the end, this all circles back to Johnlock

Skyfall Parallels

Skyfall opens with Bond in pursuit of a hard drive containing the identities of intelligence agents

Which the bad guy is stupid enough to wear around his neck

But whatever. M is heading up the operation at MI6, where they are tracking Bond

Who is chasing the bad dude through a bazaar

During the course of which he drives his motorcycle on stairs

Because apparently all MI6 agents have mad motorcycle skills The pursuit ends with Bond chasing the bad guy to the top of a train, where he gets shot

Bond ultimately gets shot again and falls over the side of the train

And into a river that carries him over a waterfall

And pulled under into “deep waters.” Which is basically the essence of EMP theory. During the credits sequence we are given a shot of a woman holding a Walter PPK, the gun model Bond uses throughout the movie. This shot will come back to haunt us later. Until then...

After the shooting at the waterfall, Bond is declared dead

And he lets everyone go right on believing it and for the moment, the audience believes he is as well.

The bad guys, now in possession of the hard drive, hack into MI6 *cough*Mary on her cellphone in TAB*cough* and this message pops up on M’s laptop

“Think on your sins” is what I believe the entire point of TFP is, but that’s a meta all on its own In her rush to get back to MI6, she is stopped on Vauxhall Bridge and is forced to watch as MI6 is blown up

After the terror attack, we are shown that Bond is alive

And sporting a pretty wild array of scars from various missions, some of which are on his back

He goes drinking in a beachside bar where he finds out from a CNN bulletin that there was a terror attack in London and he goes back to take down those who did it

If Mycroft can be Wikipedia he can also be Wolf Blitzer. Upon arriving back in London, Bond decides that his best course of action is to go scare the shit out of M as his way of announcing he’s back and to tell her that his faked death lent “perspective”

M accepts him back on the condition that he passes his physical and mental exams at MI6. Bond goes in and when faced with the psychiatrist, he’s told he’ll have to go through a round of word association

He does fine until he’s faced with the word Skyfall

He freezes when it’s uttered and then walks out of the room. M tells him in her super cool office that he’s passed his exams and is assigned to go after the agent who took the hard drive and find out who he’s working for

Bond meets Q at the National Portrait Gallery where he’s given the papers he’ll need to go after the agent in Shanghai

Once in Shanghai, he follows the agent to a business building where he sets up a perch to assassinate someone in the next building over

Bond then fights the assassin, who pushes him through a glass pane

And you know what’s behind them during this fight scene?

A HUGE BLUE DISPLAY OF JELLYFISH. Bond Sherlock and the assassin trying to kill him Mary in front of a massive display of blue jellyfish wow wow ANYWAY. Bond is still looking a hot mess and after a shave

He gets back in his groove. Next he goes to a crazy beautiful floating casino to cash in a chip he found on the agent he killed. A woman comes down to meet him who he knows is connected to the big bad guy who is behind the terrorist attack on MI6. When he wants to have a conversation with her free from prying ears, he removes his earpiece

She agrees to take Bond to the island where the big bad guy is via boat

It’s an abandoned island based on a real one called Ghost Island

Bond comes face-to-face with the villain, Silva, who was a former agent that went rogue *cough*Mary*cough* Silva tells him a story about how his grandmother had an island and that when it became infested with rats, she set a trap that the rats fell into and for survival, they began eating one another. When there were only two rats left, she released them back into the wild because they only ate rats anymore. He implies that they are the last two rats, that they are alike and should team up. “Eat others or eat each other”  *cough*Moriarty*cough* Silva then goes onto use sexuality to faze Bond

The confrontation continues and Silva says that he hacked MI6′s system and pulled up Bond’s file. It revealed that M lied when she said Bond passed his tests and that the psychiatrist determined he had a substance abuse problem and authority issues traced back to “unresolved childhood trauma.” He taunts Bond’s dedication to Queen and country, saying he needs a hobby. Bond says his is ”resurrection.” This all ends with Silva being taken into custody and back to London. He’s contained in a “prison inside a prison” type cell

Silva confronts M when she comes to see him for turning him over to the Chinese who tortured him for five months before he managed to escape Ajay is that you? M leaves for a meeting that could determine the fate of the 00 section of MI6. During this meeting, she quotes Tennyson’s Ulysses, a poem the late poet described as being about his "need of going forward and braving the struggle of life" after the loss of a friend Sherlock post-wedding anyone? Meanwhile, Q is shown to be examining Silva’s computer and in doing so inadvertently releases a program that hacks MI6′s systems to open every door, allowing Silva to escape and go after M to kill her for her perceived betrayal. Bond chases him into the Underground

Into a station

And exits at Westminster

I am literally setting this show on fire Bond gets to the meeting and manages to extract M before Silva can kill her. He says they need to ditch the government car because of its tracking system and he takes her to his storage unit where his Aston Martin is stored

Bond proceeds to take her to a place where he believes he’ll have the upper-hand against Silva: Skyfall, his ancestral home

Which even comes with a creepy graveyard and everything

When they are approaching it, he remarks that a east wind “storm is coming.” With the help of M and the old groundskeeper, Bond sets up defenses inside Skyfall. At sunset, Silva arrives with his goons in a helicopter

Blasting Boom Boom by The Animals

Which Bond calls out by saying “Always got to make an entrance.” Silva then proceeds to fuck shit up. He opens fire on Skyfall, throws explosives, the works. Skyfall burns to the ground

Have you set everything you own on fire yet? I have Bond escaped Skyfall through a hidden tunnel (after remarking that he hated the place), but Silva and one of his men manage to catch up with him as he’s running across the frozen lake Musgrave Hall had a lake too LORD HAVE MERCY Bond struggles with Silva’s dude behind him for his gun and shoots a circle into the ice below them, making them fall into the freezing water where they fight

And Bond kills him. Bond makes it to Skyfall’s chapel, where M and the groundskeeper are hiding, and kills Silva with a knife in the back, saying, “Last rat standing.” When M sarcastically asks what took him so long he replies, “Got into some deep water.” FUCKING SHOOT ME M sadly dies from a gunshot she got during the assault on Skyfall, which devastates Bond. Bond returns to London, which is when we get the shot we all know and love:

Now what’s interesting about Skyfall is that, unlike most Bond movies, the iconic gun barrel shot is at the end and not the beginning

With the red bleed shot differing greatly in shade

Now remember that shot at the beginning I said would come back to haunt us? The one comparing Norbury and the woman in the credits sequence holding a Walter PPK, which is traditionally Bond’s gun? 

It’s especially interesting here because when compared to the ending of TLD, it is the gun used in the gun barrel shot, but the gun Eurus’ was using and fired at John is clearly not a Walter PPK

It’s a Sig Pro SP2022. So what’s the significance of the change? Why flash back to a Walter PPK?

BECAUSE MARY USED A SUPPRESSED WALTER PPK WHEN SHE SHOT SHERLOCK. If I’m right in thinking everything we’ve seen since Mary shot Sherlock has taken place entirely in Sherlock’s head, him flashing back to Norbury’s/Mary’s gun is further proof that the simulation he’s running is breaking down.

That, and he wasn’t willing to let a pesky detail like the type of gun Eurus used get in the way of him fulfilling his Skyfall Bond movie fantasy simulation because he loved that fucking movie so much. LOVED IT. Him and John have watched it at least 10 times.

It’s also not the only wonky detail about the gun barrel shot ending. You know how I said the blood color was different? Well, the red used in TLD closely resembles the red used in The Living Daylights gun barrel shot

You know, the one that featured a character named Kamran Shah played by Art Malik

Who played the governor of Sherrinford in the next episode. AMAZING

Other James Bond Movie References and Notes of Interest

Diamonds Are Forever (specifically mentioned on John’s blog (x))

The villain has faces crafted like his own and recruits body doubles to fake his death in case people like Bond or others come to kill him hello Irene/Moriarty hired Sherlock imposter in TRF When Bond “kills” him he says “Welcome to Hell” which will come to play later in another meta 

A wallet being used to falsely identify someone (John as Sherlock in TBB)

This bullshit

During a scene when Bond implies that the diamonds are hidden in the dead guy’s ass. A guy who was falsely identified as Bond. Wow. Just wow.

When the dead “James Bond” was found, Bond says “Just proves no one is indestructible.” A mirror of Sherlock saying “I’m known to be indestructible” in TEH

The dead “Bond” is carried off in a hearse. Kind of like how the title TEH implies Sherlock’s body wasn’t in the hearse because he was alive, which is the case here

Two assassins trying to kill Bond, Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd, are a gay couple

“I’m afraid you’ve caught me with more than my hands up.” A nice dick pun that plays nicely into the 8,000 dick puns on Sherlock

The chick Bond works with only has communication with her connection to the diamond smuggling ring over the phone. Moriarty stays disconnected from his crimes, except for when he talks to the old lady hostage on the phone and Irene

Bond goes into a subterranean lab to find the diamonds. Reminiscent of the subterranean lab in HoB

The Spy Who Loved Me

First of two movies featuring Jaws, a villain who tries to kill Bond

He has metal teeth (like one of the guys who tortured Ajay in TST) and is extremely tall (like the Golem in TGG). One of the more memorable Bond villains

The title could be taken literally as being about Mary loving John it’s a selfish love but you get the gist

“I need you.” - woman to Bond (”Who needs me this time?” - Sherlock to Mycroft in HLV)          “So does England.” - Bond to woman (”England” - Mycroft to Sherlock in HLV)

Woman Bond works with drugs him with powder in her cigarette so he’ll pass out, like Mary drugging Sherlock with powder in the letter in TST

Villains lair is aquarium-like and has sharks, which he points at and says “There’s death.” The pane you see the shark through is like the circle ones in the aquarium in TST and the death comment over the shot of the shark was like when Sherlock recites the Merchant of Samarra over shots of sharks in the beginning of TST

The Living Daylights (featuring Art Malik)

The woman Bond helps has a Stradivarius cello named Lady Rose, which was assembled in 1724. Eurus is said to have a Stradivarius violin in TFP. And Lady Rose, they call John’s baby Rosie

Once the crisis is averted and the woman saved, Bond sees a sign that gives the miles to Karachi. When he sees it he says to her, “I know a great restaurant in Karachi. We might be in time for dinner.” Sherlock saved Irene in Karachi

Various Other References

The numerical significance of a bomb time stop in Goldfinger (bomb in TEH)

A media mogul who uses blackmail to manipulate world leaders in Tomorrow Never Dies (Magnussen in HLV) 

“James Bond is a blunt instrument wielded by a government department.” - Ian Fleming (James Bond creator). M refers to Bond as a “blunt instrument” in Casino Royale. There was also a song titled “Blunt Instrument” on the Casino Royale soundtrack composed by David Arnold. YES, THAT DAVID ARNOLD. The one who does the Sherlock soundtrack with Michael Price. Mycroft refers to Sherlock as a “blunt instrument” in HLV

Sherrinford has the sleek glass and stone appearance that is reminiscent of several Bond villain lairs

Mycroft’s insane umbrella sword/gun would fit right in with all the other crazy contraptions that come out of MI6 development

There are two Bond movies literally titled You Only Live Twice and Die Another Day, a theme Sherlock has been fucking around with since forever

BTW I think it’s hilarious that when a critic put Sherlock on blast after TST for “slowly morphing into James Bond” (x), Gatiss wrote a poem that basically said “fuck you Sherlock can be physical too” (x). Like, that review wouldn’t have gotten nearly as much attention as it did if Gatiss didn’t respond to it. This was basically cannon fire intended for us to take notice of. Like, bro, I’m already here. I see you.... and all your James Bond references.

James Bond in Sherlock’s Canon

Between the case write-ups of ASiP and TBB, John makes a blog post titled Diamonds are forever (x) where he bemoans Sherlock not taking a case about a missing diamond because he found it “boring” shout out to John for being all excited and ready with a blog title for a prospective case Things get interesting in the comments section when Sherlock asks where he’s heard the phrase “diamonds are forever.” John responds that it’s a James Bond movie and that they’re doing a “Bond night.”

Even though Sherlock acted salty in the comments, we do know from his own blog (x) that he did watch a Bond movie with John, potentially Diamonds Are Forever since that is the one John referenced

While James Bond is not mentioned on the blog again, it is featured in ASiB when Mycroft says “Bond air is go” and Sherlock later figures out that it is connected to flight 007. We can now assume that it is because John made him watch Bond movies that Sherlock understood the references

Johnlock

Something every Bond movie features is a Bond Girl. Ever since the early Bond movies, actresses have vied for the role. There is a massive amount of publicity surrounding whoever is being considered for the role and ultimately whoever gets it. It’s a huge deal. The name of the girl always changes and so does her role, but there is one constant:

Bond always, ALWAYS, gets the girl

If Sherlock is imagining his life right now as one big Bond movie, the huge aspect of romance is currently missing, which John said in TLD would complete him. It’s not so far-fetched to think that Sherlock will also get the girl in the end

Or, since Sherlock is gay, get the guy

When Johnlock happens, Gatiss and Moffat will have, in a sense, created not only the first explicitly confirmed gay Sherlock, but Bond as well. Even for them, that’s pretty audacious. Cheers to you sirs!

tl;dr

There are a shit ton of Skyfall references in Sherlock starting in series three, reaching a crescendo in series four, and Gatiss and Moffat are creating the first explicitly confirmed gay Sherlock and Bond.

PS - A special thank you to my boyfriend who, much like John, made me watch the James Bond movies, which is how I picked up on all these references. I thought they were ridiculous but, much like Sherlock, I enjoyed the time with my boyfriend.

[fictions-war-among-stars]

I finally finished the OG Star Wars trilogy for the first time!!!

Since the beginning of the year I'd kinda made it my goal to watch all of the Star Wars content in chronological order, because I haven't actually watched it before now! (Also my classes kept including it in the lessons, so it's for research too lol-)

Today though marks a very important date to me, because I just finished the OG trilogy for the very first time!

A very vague non-spoiler reaction, is that I enjoyed it! The first movie was kinda hard to get through, the second a bit better, but I realize that's because the formatting of the story is a bit different than what I'm used to?

To me, it seems like you have to watch all three movies for it to make sense. The first movie set the stage, the second had character development and raised the stakes, and the third closed everything off.

It's kinda hard to explain? Most movies don't do that - they each have the beginning middle and conclusion that very much seperate each film from one another, and connect to one another in a different way?

The closest thing I can think of would be Avengers Infinity War to End Game - you can't watch one without the other. They are meant to be the same story.

My more specific thoughts

I really should have taken notes, but here are my most memorable thoughts on it over all!

This is your last warning - there are spoilers up ahead!

Shakespeare who?

It's super funny to me how much the lines the actors would say would remind me of something out of an old English play

I think what was the most jarring in this sense was how Luke acted during the last of the OG movie. He was no longer a 'farm boy' but now a proper Jedi, and acted very stiff as a result. Yet he was still super dramatic???

Omg wait - have you seen the Romeo and Juliet version with Leonardo DiCaprio???

That has the same energy to me lmao-

One of the biggest things that irritated me whilst watching the prequels was how much the clothing reminded me of 1500 Europe. The clothing itself was really pretty, but the way they used it to sexualize Padme was something I had a LOT of salt with.

While there was a lot of different outfits for Leia, I was surprised that she wasn't as sexualized in her outfits? (With exception of when she was with Jabba - but is that really surprising???)

She was objectified more than I thought necessary, but the scenes with Padme and Anakin in the prequels seem way worst to me...

Whomst do I simp for???

A huge part of why I stick to content is because I simp for a character. The more attached I get to them, the more I want to watch things they're in, and the more I'll buy their merch

I mean, everyone does this lol

I'm actually super surprised though, because I don't simp for anyone in the OG trilogy?

When I was on the outskirts of the fandom, I tried to get into it by reading stuff with the characters and was surprised when I couldn't really find anything good with Luke?

Based on characters I like, Luke seemed like he would be one of them

But I don't find myself attracted to him at all during the films???

Ahsoka Tano is so far still the best and only character I simp lol

Luke / Leia - it's not what you think!

I was really surprised with this one! I thought Luke and Leia actually had a relationship prior to finding out they were related, and there was going to be a whole Oedipus Rex thing going on, but it was just heavy flirting?

It was still REALLY awkward by the last movie though - because they admitted to always kinda knowing in a really dramatic way, but there was quite a bit of sexual tension between them in the two movies before???

It just made me uncomfy :/

Leia / Han?

...please don't kill me, but I don't really ship it?

The iconic I Love you / I know was literally the only time I thought they were cute together?

Oh, along with when Leia took Han out of Carbonite. That was cute

Like He was waking up thinking he would never see her again, and she had spent months trying to track him down to save him-

That was really precious

Their dynamic though, is why I don't ship them

It reminds me of prequel Anakin/Padme, and seems kinda toxic?

Like at points she was clearly telling him no, and he kept teasing and coming onto her

Also they were bickering in a way that isn't good, and just not properly talking things through?

Consent and proper communication is sexy, and that was missing at times

...it still isn't as bad as the prequels though, and there is hope for their relationship to grow and get better

(Insert character here) I am (insert reveal)

There were so many dramatic reveals lol

It's not really a surprise to us now, but Vader and Luke are related, Leia and Luke are related, Vader was Anakin, Vader is Leia's dad-

On that note though!!!!

Vader kinda traumatized Leia in the first movie????

Also how did he know that Luke was his son, but not Leia???

That still makes no sense to me-

I'm probably missing something???

Like the only reason he was going after Luke was to convert him because he was his son-

But if push comes to shove Leia seems more likely to be a Sith than Luke??? She was way more impulsive and emotional at times than Luke???

I feel like trying to convert her would have been easier???

Idk, that was a missed opportunity there :/

OH ALSO!!!

The last movie in the OG just makes Padme's death seem even worst!!!

Like Leia goes on about having vague memories of her mother, but Padme dies in the prequels giving birth to her???

So Leia is either more force sensitive than Luke (my head cannon honestly) or Padme should have raised the twins in secret for a while before dying on like a rebel mission and prior to Vader working beside the Emperor. Then Obi Wan swooped in and relocated the twins

Honestly, both those should be canon to me

Leia being trained with the force is something I really regret not seeing :(

At least there's fanfic

Vader

Vader confused me at first?

He seemed really obedient to the general (i don't remember his name - I think he's the one in Bad Batch and Clone wars???) in the first movie, and followed his orders????

Wait wasn't his name general Tarkin???

It was weird to me because I had just come from SW: Rebels and Rogue One, and Vader seemed like this illusive right hand man to the Emperor

But then he goes and obeys this guy way lower in power to him?

In the second and third movie he gets more power though, so maybe he was supposed to be the empire's dog originally???

Actually, it was weird seeing Vader be as obedient as he was

Anakin was super rebellious, so seeing him as Vader was weird

He was also a lot calmer than I thought he would be. Sith rely on anger and emotions to fuel them don't they???

...I didn't like the interaction between him and Obi Wan very much also

Jedi training line

So Obi Wan was originally trained directly under Yoda himself???

And Qui Gon and Dooku never existed-

So the entirety of the conflict in the prequels would have been super different to what it is lol

The edits

Since I didn't watch the OG versions, I'm not really aware of all the edits that were made to the movie

There is one though, that is really what spurred me to write this

They really just replaced the head of ghost OG Anakin with prequel Anakin LMAO-

Like-

I'm actually pretty neutral to them doing it since I'm not attached to the OG version but like-

This is just so fucking funny to me-

It's kinda sad though, cause the OG Anakin actor was dead for like 10 years, and then he was replaced with his angsty double

....still funny lmao

I think they also added in a bunch of Jarjars onto the roof of a building in Naboo XD

End thoughts

Overall, I enjoyed the content much more than I thought I would, and would watch it again!

I wish Ahsoka had helped train Luke and Leia ;p She would have been a great teacher, and I think she would have helped Luke and Leia in a way that would have been better for them?

...I really just wasn't a huge fan of Obi Wan. He reminds me of that one meme about movie Dumbledore vs book Dumbledore in Goblet of fire :/

I'm really struggling to find the words for it...

ANYWAY-

I'm super excited to watch the Mandalorian and see Ahsoka again though!!!

[pr]

I was tagged by @twothirtyams

FINALLY got around to it HERE:

Nickname(s): Energizer Bonnie. Bon Bon. Bon. The Bonster. Babe (Jake literally has called me Bonnie less than 20 times akdjakanan).

Gender: Lady gal. Tbh I would be agender because I just don't care but along that same vein I just don't care enough to explain that all the time/insist on pronouns. So. Respect to y'all who do. ✌

Height: 5′6″ (I'm the tallest woman in me or Jake's families but also like. Why am I not 5'11"+ akdjakajaj Kaylor's impact….)

Time: 5:47p CST

Where I'm from: Dallas, Texas. (I would specify the suburb but nobody outside DFW seems to kno lol.) Living in Austin, Texas for 21 more days though...

Hogwarts house: SLYTHERIN. Through and through. When I took the quiz at like 15 and got put in the opposite of Gryffindor I cried. But like. Now, I cannot imagine ever not identifying with everything about Slytherin. The ~dark side~ has never ever been appealing to me - I didn't even have an "emo phase" (I thought MCR was scary even) lol but. Ambition and cunning? Hell. Yes. Also Merlin was a Slytherin so. Dab.

Favorite show: Parks and Recreation has taken the top spot for yeeeears - but now it is tied with Crazy Ex Girlfriend. (I base a lot of my identity on kinned TV characters akdjakaj but ANYway.) 30 Rock close 2nd. Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul are 3rd, shockingly. Bojack Horseman an unfortunate 4th but I kin Bojack in a negative way. Always, ALWAYS stan Avatar: The Last Airbender at #5. I have too many to list tbh lol so just check my TV tag.

Favorite animal: So preface: I only like female animals. Akdjakaja. JUDGE me as you WILL. BUT. Other than hyenas, female animals don't RAPE. SO! ANYWAY! Bunnies at a hard #1!!!! 🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰 Alligators, sharks, dolphins, elephants, horses/ponies, cows, pigs (lotta livestock akdjakajaba), cats, opossums, cheetahs, big cats in general, GIRAFFES (KK……) - I love animals a lot (from a sanitary distance akdjakajaj)

Favorite band/artist: I will not even count the obvious answer because that isn't fair. Other than her: Paramore/Hayley Williams, Ariana Grande, Lorde, Hayley Kiyoko, Halsey, Bastille, Troye Sivan, Harry Styles/One Direction, Rush (hate you Jake…), the cast of Hamilton and Crazy Ex Girlfriend.

…

...you can't judge me.

Song stuck in my head: Well I'm currently listening to Kung Fu Fighting akdjakaj but other than that Love Kernels has been stuck in my head for OVER A WEEK!!!!

Last movie I saw: Uhhh….tbh I really do not watch enough movies??? Honestly, it might have been Endgame?? God I am sad akdjakakja. Watched Crazy Ex Girlfriend 3× since June tho akdjakana

Last thing I Googled: murphy texas fourth of july concert

Other blogs: I've got a SHIT ton of saved URLs, but other than my temp hiatus blog @kaylor and its side blog @marvelousmidgesusie nah. Too much effort.

Do I get asks:Absolutely not. Never have never will akdjakajaj I'm good with it now.

Why this URL: Not to be like. Dramatic. But. After getting a canon URL previously and receiving 0 validation from it, I started this blog under the guise of like. Having just...a fun URL I can change whenever just to enjoy. So, when the lyrics were leaked, I jumped on this bitch because it was fun! And I'll probably change it again once Lover releases.

Number of blankets: Oh my God. Over 10. Too many.

Followers: Little over 125 I think.

Following: Idk. Maybe 200?

Average amount of sleep: I have been working pretty hard to make it at LEAST 8 - but that never fucking happens aidhakan 7-6 usually and it makes me MISERABLE.

Lucky number: 187, and any combination thereof. I know. Weird. But. On birthday turning from 7 to 8, July 18th (7/18), I decided that was the best day of my life, and that was my number. Do I remember anything about that birthday? Absolutely not. But. The number stuck. It shows up in my life a lot. From random (187 on a bus or on a utilities panel driving by), to mildly interesting (my license plate just has 718 or reblogging/liking things that equal combos of the numbers a lot), to really freakin' weird (the number my mom has had for almost 30 years ends with 0718, my Jake's birthday just happens to be August 17th 8/17). So. Idk. I just wike it.

What am I wearing: Tee from a coffee shop, A&M workout shorts, sports bra, crap underwear, and my heart on my sleeve.

Dream job: For my entire life, it was working in film, most recently being an editor. But within the last few months, in a dramatic turn of events, my ideal job would be doing what @tree-paine does: being the publicist of clientele in media, music, film, sports, maybe even politics. Idk.

Dream trips: Jake and I have an elaborate dream of traveling down the Alps from Frankford to Austria to Switzerland to Mulan and ending in Verona. Additionally, I am desperate to take Jake to NYC, LA, Boston, and San Fran. Would love to visit almost every hotspot in the US (Chicago, Atlanta, NOLA, Southwest, Pacific Northwest, Disneyworld, Colorado, Alaska, etc). Also VANCOUVER, lots of East Asia, lots of Europe, Giza, Jerusalem, South Africa - but I have literally never been out of the country and am TERRIFIED of flying let alone over the OCEAN. UM. I just want to be well traveled man lmao.

Favorite food: LOTTA shit I am NOT picky, but tops for sure: cinnamon rolls, cheeseburgers, pizza, mac n cheese, blueberries, pasta in general, sushi, and Jake's aglio e olio/veggie nachos.

Instruments I play: Lol. As if. I spent almost $300 on a keyboard but have been too depressed to try. Maybe someday. Have also been dying to sing for 23 years…

Eye color: Very, VERY light blue. Whenever I am in public, people lose their SHIT on the daily when they see my eyes. But for me like. Blue eyes be creepy. Lmao. I really want green/hazel eyes but like. W/e. So it goes.

Hair color: Naturally this dark, awful shade of ash blonde. But I've been coloring my hair since middle school, and for the past 5 or so years it has been a natural ginger copper. I dye my brows too, people think it's really because I am such a cracker ass white gal akdjakanakan

Aesthetic: Check my "aesthetic" tag lol. Idk. Peach/salmon tones. Farm animals. Florals. Dresses with sneakers. Women. Taylor Swift lyrics over pastel backgrounds akdjakaj. BUNNIES. Shots with a lot of negative space. Mornings and coffee and eggs and pancakes. Waking up next to Jake. Texas hill country. Cowboy boots worn right. Snow. Christmas. Idk. Just like. Look at the "moodboards" tag too akdjakaj.

Languages I speak: English, do you see my lily white ass akdjakajaj. I can speak Spanglish well enough to get through a transaction or vaguely pick up words but that is IT. Would love to know Cherokee, Korean, German, and whatever the hell Australians are saying tho.

Most iconic song: One time, I had a dream that I wrote my senior thesis on why the song "Red" was on the level of modern icon/classic as songs "Don't Stop Believin'", "Livin' On A Prayer", "Smoke On The Water", etc. I was insistent the opening notes were on the same level as "Immigrant Song" aodaajakaja. And I was SO passionate about it I WOKE UP CRYING AKDHALAJAKKAAJ.

Anyway.

OTHER than that, this is 100% subjective and to me personally but: Tim McGraw because those opening notes are just nostalgic as hell; Out of the Woods because when that leaked I was just starting to get back into TS and I put on my headphones and covered myself in a blanket and closed my eyes to be fully into it and oh my God...it was immersive, I will never forget that feeling; IV Sweatpants by Childish Gambino, because it was the MOST PLAYED SONG OF 2018 on our Spotify akdjakajaj; My Shot/Wait For It from Hamilton because they have both inspired and driven me to feel like I can take on the fucking world; and A Diagnosis from Crazy Ex Girlfriend because it changed my life and I have listened to it more times than I can count.

When I created this account: A few months ago. I am changing my person this year, and starting fresh with how I present my online persona was an important part of that process for me. But I have been on Tumblr on various accounts since 2010/11 lmao.

Best memory: Getting moved to the front row at my first TS concert, the 1989 Tour; so, so many things with Jake, years of memories; getting my bun; reconnecting with Sarah; a lot of SXSW 2018; my 20th birthday.

Best pun: The first thing that comes to mind is a post I reblogged earlier about how Lyra from The Golden Compass does not have a moral compass in the metaphorical sense and I said, "I mean. She has a compass. She quite literally very much has a moral compass." I thought I was funny lol.

Random fact: I finally got diagnosed with BPD! And I've lost 20+lbs this year (getting healthy, it's a good thing)! My closet is color organized by item!

I tag:

@kayspiracy @jake-from-state-farm-school @toastedcoconutchips @vagabonds-and-troubadours @grizzlybairparty @thefuckingstory @pictureofsoph1sticatedgrace @his-dark-memerials @taylorswift

[lifeonashelf]

CARS, THE

I don’t mean to be crass… (granted, I know an introductory repudiation like that will immediately lead you to assume that the ensuing statement is, indeed, going to be crass, and will probably cause you to brace yourself for a statement far more crass than the one I’m actually going to make—especially given this lengthy parenthetical, which is likely only serving to compound your trepidation about the prospective crassness of my forthcoming statement, because surely when you see such an interminable block of text following a declaration like “I don’t mean to be crass” you’re bound to suppose that the statement I’m cautioning must not only be crass, but so reprehensibly crass that it warrants a sprawling disclaimer before it can even be tendered—although your concerns will be mostly unfounded because the statement I’m eventually going to make, after I finish fucking with you via this gratuitous insert, isn’t really as crass as you’re undoubtedly expecting it to be; I didn’t write an additional 200-plus words after announcing “I don’t mean to be crass” because I have any earnest intention of being crass, I did it because: a) I’m an ass, and b) I’m misguided enough to suppose this might be amusing in some way, when in fact the negligible comedic value of this passage is roughly equivalent to the relative crassness of the statement that will follow it, as you’ll find out right now…)

Actually, at this point, it would probably be prudent for me to start my sentence over again so that it bears some resemblance to a coherent thought.

So, to reiterate, I don’t mean to be crass… (although, it now dawns on me that perhaps devoting this exorbitant amount of text to introducing my statement may actually enhance its crassness, since the statement in question is one that potentially could be considered marginally crass by certain audiences, and the flippant manner in which I’m addressing its potential crassness perhaps could be viewed as offensive by those audiences if they presume that my insouciant tangents here are demonstrative of an insensitivity to the possibility that some people might find the statement crass—which, consequently, might lead folks who wouldn’t customarily deem the statement in and of itself as crass to instead deem my exposition of the statement crass—and this means: a) I may be inadvertently rendering the statement crass when it was actually reasonably benign to begin with, and b) at this point, I’ve probably pissed off just about everyone reading this, and I haven’t even made the statement yet—although I suspect that most of the people I’ve displeased thus far are more upset that I’ve wasted several minutes of their time on these ridiculous asides than they are about either the potential crassness of the statement I have not yet made or my perceived arrogant indifference to the potential crassness of that statement).

Anyway, I don’t mean to be crass… but the first thing I think of when I listen to The Cars is Phoebe Cates’s breasts.

I’m not necessarily ashamed to admit this, though I am acutely aware that revealing this tinge of alpha-“BOOBIES!”-maleness in myself doesn’t bask me in the most flattering light. In my defense, I’m reasonably certain that most heterosexual males who have seen Fast Times At Ridgemont High have spent a lot more time thinking about Phoebe Cates’s breasts than I do (I don’t listen to The Cars very often). I am simultaneously aware that reducing a band’s entire existence to a singular film sequence in which a mere snippet of one of their songs appears is awfully reductive of their legacy, particularly when the band in question certainly merits a far more substantial appreciation. However, since I have been mercilessly honest throughout this exercise, I would be remiss in my methodology if I wasn’t forthcoming about my inescapable mental link between The Cars and the mammary magnificence of the lovely Phoebe Cates.

Rest assured, I have no desire to herein objectify Mrs. Cates-Kline (she married Kevin Kline in 1989, which rhymes). For the record, I would like to clarify that I find her far more appealing in Gremlins, a film in which she eschews demonstrating advanced oral sex techniques on carrots to instead deliver a super-gnarly monologue about discovering her father’s decomposing corpse in the family chimney after he breaks his neck while trying to impersonate Santa Claus. Based on the five or so additional movies of hers I’ve seen, I think she was a perfectly excellent actress and I’m duly curious why she opted not to sustain that burgeoning career. Sincerely, I have the utmost respect for Phoebe Cates-Kline, and if she’s reading this I hope that message will come through loud and clear. Still, as I sit here listening the The Cars’ self-titled debut, I can’t help but evoke her iconic pool-side disrobing in Fast Times; “Living in Stereo” is so firmly intertwined with that specific sequence in the pop-cultural consciousness that there’s simply no escaping the association—much like it’s impossible to listen to “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” without clips from The Breakfast Club running through your head, or to hear “Goodbye Horses” without recalling Ted Levine’s tucked-penis shimmy in Silence of the Lambs. And this interference is proving to be detrimental to my process, since I’d rather not make my ability to readily visualize Cates’s areolas every time I hear the opening riff of “Living in Stereo” the ultimate focus of this essay. I’m only mentioning this telekinetic linkage up front in the spirit of getting it out of the way so I can write something more thoughtful about The Cars—which I’m sure Phoebe Cates, Ric Ocasek, Kevin Kline, and the seven other people reading this would greatly prefer.

Actually, come to think of it, I suppose I could have skipped that entire introduction. I’m just now realizing I have a personal connection with The Cars which handily surpasses my limited fandom for an ‘80s teen comedy that I recently watched for the first time since I was an actual teenager and didn’t find all that extraordinary upon revisiting (the scene where “Living In Stereo” plays was still pretty amazing, though). My band Happyending used to cover a Cars number—“Just What I Needed”—so I’ve actually played that tune on my guitar more times than I’ve played it in my CD player; since this is a designation I can only apply to a small handful of songs, that correlation is surely more exclusive and well-suited for our purposes here. I’m fairly positive Phoebe Cates never attended any of our gigs, so her presence in this essay is arguably extraneous (also, it seems downright bizarre to me that I’ve referenced Gremlins, of all films, two entries in a row; I honestly have no fucking idea what’s going on with this piece right now).  I probably should have just led with the Happyending thing and spared us all from the previous six paragraphs entirely, so do me a favor and don’t read any of the stuff you just read.

Anyway, welcome to this installment of Life on a Shelf. It’s about The Cars.

“Just What I Needed” was an incredibly fun song to jam. Since we didn’t have a keyboard player to tackle the melody, Happyending’s version emphasized the tune’s power-chord bedrock and our arrangement sprawled out in the middle before eventually culminating in a cacophonous blast-beat meltdown which bore no resemblance to anything in Ric Ocasek’s original composition—essentially, we sullied the track’s pure pop perfection to suit our own purposes. Nevertheless, our rendition rawked and we always got an enthusiastic response whenever we slotted it into our setlists, so we sullied it often and with gleeful abandon.

Ultimately, we could have probably tackled any cut off the band’s self-titled LP and made a decent go of it, simply because the source material is so dynamite. The Cars’ eponymous introduction is one of the most exceptional and self-assured debut albums in the rock canon, a cohesive and nearly flawless set of songs that establishes a fertile and wholly original musical language in less than forty minutes. I would place the circa-1978 Cars in that rarified class of bands who sounded like no one but themselves, and though they would promptly inspire countless lesser New Wave outfits, none of their imitators fully cracked Ric Ocasek’s code and very few managed to scrape together anything even remotely as hooky or indelible as the choicest morsels on The Cars.

Perhaps the most exceptional heritage of the band’s inaugural opus is that it still sounds futuristic three-and-a-half decades after it was released (“I’m In Touch With Your World”, in particular, is so spacey and bizarre that it seems totally plausible Ocasek recorded the track on another planet), no lean feat considering how manifestly dated the bulk of the synth-rock which arrived in its wake sounds today. “Just What I Needed” is arguably the album’s centerpiece—and it’s certainly catchy as a motherfucker—yet it isn’t even one of my personal top-three tracks on the disc (we ended up covering it mostly because I figured out the chords by accident). My favorite song remains “Moving in Stereo”, for reasons that have nothing to do with Phoebe Cates (okay, maybe a little) and everything to do with the indisputable fact that “Moving in Stereo” just plain fucking rules.

On a collection loaded with shindig-ready anthems—a motif announced by the disc’s opening statement, “Good Times Roll”—“Moving in Stereo” stands out like an alluring black-clad femme fatale brooding in the corner smoking clove cigarettes and quoting Nietzsche while she dispassionately surveys the revelers on the dance floor. If I was at a party and the host put on The Cars, I would immediately like this host at least 70% more than I did when I arrived—and if I spotted a girl across the room singing along with “Moving in Stereo” I would immediately march over there and propose to her on the spot (okay… I know this is a completely ridiculous notion; I don’t go to parties). “Moving” is the song on the album The Cars which sounds the least like the band The Cars, yet conversely demonstrates the breadth of their creativity, offering a grim counterpoint to bouncy numbers like “Don’t Cha Stop” and augmenting the somber undercurrent which runs through several cuts whose buoyant instrumental backdrops cunningly mask their lyrical proclamations that the good times don’t always roll.

Witness my second-favorite song on the disc, “You’re All I’ve Got Tonight”, in which Ric Ocasek bluntly tells his gal that she can “hurt,” “use,” “mock,” and “abuse” him, but “[he] don’t care” because he’d be far more distraught if she left him. All things considered, that’s a pretty fucked up scenario. Though probably not quite as fucked up as the one outlined in “My Best Friend’s Girl”—a chronicle of the bro-code’s most grievous violation: “my best friend’s girlfriend / she used to be mine.” “Bye Bye Love” (probably my third-favorite song, if you’re keeping score at home) sort of speaks for itself, and even the otherwise jaunty “Just What I Needed” takes a disquieting turn when Ocasek eventually confesses that “I needed someone to bleed.” And then the album’s moody closer “All Mixed Up” comes along to decisively end the party with the knife-in-the-guts couplet: “I wait for her forever / she never does arrive.”

Perhaps the only failing of The Cars is that it serves up such an impeccable distillation of everything I enjoy about the band it shares its title with that until I reached this point in our tome, it was the sole offering of theirs I felt compelled to own. Although, I finally opted to bolster my discography with 1979’s Candy-O and their 1984 set Heartbeat City a few days ago to foster a more comprehensive representation in these pages (though I willfully neglected Shake it Up because the title track kind of annoys me). The results of my supplementary reconnaissance are as follows:

Candy-O has plenty of inspired moments, but much of the material the band cooked up for their sequel audibly labors under the onus of the dreaded sophomore slump. A few of the tracks sound like throwaways from the first album, others come across as vague sketches of songs that weren’t quite ready to be recorded, and a couple are so blatantly derivative of the highpoints of The Cars that they become essentially pointless. Granted, opener “Let’s Go” is easily on par with the group’s best work, and the following number (“Since I Held You”) is cagily excellent as well. But the discerning listener can plainly hear The Cars running out of gas as the record motors on (trust me, I know how obvious and dad-jokey the employment of automobile puns is in this case… but I haven’t used a single one until now, so please park your criticisms). By the next track—“It’s All I Can Do”—the band is clearly spinning its wheels (shit, car pun; that one was an accident; shit, “accident” could be considered a car pun too) and that tire-d (okay, I did that one on purpose) cookie-cutter composition finds the band idling (yeah, that one was on purpose too), marking the first point in their catalog where The Cars stall (I should probably put the brakes on this lame device now, huh?).

Though the funky title track perks up the affair a bit and “Night Spots” is likewise wholly decent, the second half of Candy-O is bogged down by a succession of tepid retreads (I swear I didn’t mean to include another reference to tires there) and the album fails to really take off again (okay, that was a plane pun, which is just confusing). The disc’s nadir “Lust for Kicks” is banal enough to qualify as certifiably crappy, shackled as it is by a dopey melody that would sound more at home pealing from the loudspeaker of a trolling ice cream truck. Like most Part-Twos, the fundamental fault with Candy-O is that it’s simply nowhere near as strong as its predecessor (overall, it’s only slightly better than Gremlins 2: The New Batch), even if its sturdiest moments demonstrate that The Cars still had enough of a pulse to be interesting.

 Speaking of pulses, I’m listening to Heartbeat City right now… and I’m regretting that pun already. I’m also regrettably ascertaining that the spark of timelessness which characterized the band’s early work faded rather quickly for them—despite being released only six years after their debut, City contains very few of the former’s charms and resonates as an album which could have ONLY been made in 1984. This is mostly due to the flaccid production of “Mutt” Lange, whose abiding steadfastness to characterless grandiloquence later transformed Def Leppard from marginally-ballsy hard rockers into scrubbed-shiny arena darlings whose songs all sounded like jingles for shampoo commercials. It’s perhaps fitting, then, that the a cappella refrain which introduces the opening track “Hello Again” evokes Joe Elliot more than it evokes Ric Ocasek—actually, several of the tunes on City could have easily appeared on Hysteria with minimal tweaking, which perhaps says volumes more about the uniform soullessness of Lange’s twiddling than it does about either The Cars or Def Leppard.  

Though Heartbeat City spawned two of Ocasek’s biggest singles—“You Might Think” and “Drive”—it’s a fairly pedestrian offering on the whole, and a far cry from the not-then distant age when The Cars managed to build full suites of great cuts around their radio anthems. “Magic” resonates like it was specifically written to accompany the pivotal montage scene in a direct-to-VHS Jon Cryer romantic comedy, “I Refuse” is so anodyne that it could have been a Kajagoogoo b-side, and even the solid mega-hit “You Might Think” is essentially a reductive re-write of “Just What I Needed”. “Stranger Eyes” boasts some of the dark promise of “Living in Stereo” and makes good use of its sturdy Tom Petty-esque guitar lick, but the track’s momentum is woefully hamstrung by Lange’s saccharine sheen, which neuters David Robinson’s propulsive stick-work to such a degree that the drum tracks sound like the percussion presets on a $7.99 Radio Shack keyboard. “Drive” is assuredly the best tune in the bunch, yet even that apex ends up being more perplexing than effective since the lone resemblance it bears to the band’s other work is that it appears on a record by the band The Cars.

 Sadly, while my ardor for the group’s first LP remains stalwart, my investigation of their subsequent offerings is only serving to reveal that I don’t love The Cars nearly as much as I love The Cars. I might have been better off sticking with that solitary disc in my library (though you would have missed out on all those genius vehicular bon mots I threw at you a few paragraphs back)—as things stand, it’s highly unlikely I’ll be cueing up Candy-O or Heartbeat City in its place next time I’m in the mood to immerse myself in Ric Ocasek’s stellar song-craft or envision the nipples of retired ‘80s actresses.

We won’t get a Hollywood Ending to this piece, I’m afraid. As we roll the credits here, our protagonist (or maybe I’m the antagonist of this opus—I’m never quite sure) still hasn’t met his Nietzsche-citing clove smoker, and now he’s dispirited to discover that he doesn’t adore the band he’s writing about as completely as he thought he did.

Plus, Kevin Kline probably wants to punch me in the face now. Just what I needed.

I know what you’re thinking… A song-title gag is about the laziest way I could wrap this thing up, even more unimaginative than settling for another witless car pun, right?

Whatever. Boobies.

 August 1, 2015

[anarchomoop]

So in today’s pointless writing thought exercises: I started scripting in my head and writing dialogue for key storybeats for a Superman reboot while I was at work.  I wound up incorporating a lot of... tumblr-popular Superman meta I guess you could say into the ideas for the overall story.  The story features:

An inversion of the Lex Luthor/Superman dynamic, while it appears that Superman is “gifted,” he actually struggles to live up to his own ideals, in his own words “some days, I look in the mirror and I see superman.  Other days, I look in the mirror and just see me.  On the best days, I see both.”  Likewise, while Lex appears to be a self-made man, he definitely had a lot of invisible advantages over others, and while he rhetorically claims to have gotten where he was from hard work, he actually believes everything he has is a result of being fundamentally better than everyone else.  In his own words (in this reboot, Lex is the head of “Luthorcom” a company that started as a google-like internet based tech firm but expanded further into “horizontal” tech markets to the point where it’s now doing a little bit of everything STEM related, including weapons manufacture) “I kept looking at the world and seeing these basic things, these things where something was missing or could be better and I’d just go and I’d do it.  We had the internet and it was huge, full of information and products and people but with nothing to link them, no way to find them, like a library with n directory.  So I made LuthorLibrarian.com, later Luthorcom.  And it was simple.  Anyone could’ve done it.  And every time I took a step forward that’s what I said to myself.  ‘it was so easy, anyone could have done it.  I’m nothing special.’  Until one day, I looked out the window from the top of Luthorcom tower and I realized.  Nobody else did it.  Not a single person.  What I do, it’s not easy.  It’s not something ‘anyone can do.’  I can do it.  I do it.  Only me.”

The Daily Planet is now “Planet Media,” no longer a newspaper, it’s now a news website with both articles and videos.  Clark and Lois work both as article writers as well as personalities in front of the camera for video reports.  Jimmy takes both photo and video.

Superman’s costume is originally designed by Ma Kent to use to hide his identity and incorporates the red S, blue background, and a mask.  The costume is later redisigned by Jerome Green, an aids-positive black man who was selling knock-off superman goods to help himself and his grandma afford rent in their rapidly gentrifying Metropolis neighborhood, who makes the iconic red and yellow s-shield on a solid blue spandex outfit look. Jimmy Olsen and Lucy Lane’s role is somewhat reprised as Jimmy (a sophomore at Metropolis U in their photo journalism program and interning at the Planet Media.com as a photographer and sometimes cameraman) trying to impress Lucy Lane (Senior at Met U just about to finish their commercial aviation program to be a pilot) who he met through working with Lois at the Planet  This leads to Jimmy’s older sister Emily (recently finished undergraduate studies in Gotham U’s film studies program, now enrolled in Met U’s graduate program for film to learn how to direct and operate a camera, hoping to direct, write, and film her own micro-budgeted movies) meeting Lucy and sticking up for her younger brother, saying it’s wrong of Lucy to lead him along getting him to buy her things.  Lucy, by way of apology, tries to include Jimmy and Emily in her life, eventually leading to Emily and Lucy dating after Jimmy notices the two’s conspicuous and obvious crushes and pushes them to act on it.  This is... this is like the major B plot of the entire first arc but, like, super-abridged.

One of Lex Luthor’s telecom sats becomes damaged after colliding with some space debris -- an escape pod containing a human-looking girl in her late teens/early 20s (in this, Superman joins the planet after going through a journalism grad school program).  After she quickly develops the same powers Superman displays (she gets them on a faster time-table as a result of absorbing solar rays form space without the interference of earth’s atmosphere), Luthor uses her to his own ends by creating a SuperGirl loyal to Luthorcom.

Lois investigate’s Luthorcom’s weapons dealings, finding evidence that, in order to spur demand for domestic use of the product by police/military, Luthor orchestrated leaks/break-ins to get “criminal elements” access to Luthor weapons tech, creating the appearance of an arms race that the government must turn to Luthor to stop (this is the reason Clark becomes Superman, and part of why Luthor comes to hate him, because Superman is foiling his plans without even knowing it).  She eventually reveals this evidence with the help of staff intern Jimmy Olsen and new reporter Clark Kent, but Luthor manages to avoid implication  This is what puts Lois/Clark/Jimmmy on his radar.

Clark does not actually have access to his escape pod, knowledge about Krypton, Jor-El, or Kryptonite.  This is all discovered by Lex Luthor.  He learns about Krypton from Supergirl’s escape pod, then scours the areas near Metropolis for something similar that might relate to Superman (eventually finding a pod just outside Smallville where the Kents abandoned it).

Clark’s past and Kryptonian name are revealed to him when Lex “unmasks” him as “Kal El of Krypton” in front of a live TV audience that just watched Lex use Kryptonite to beat both Superman and Supergirl (Kara Zor-El), revealing “Kal El’s plot” to make “humanity weak and dependent” by saving them all from their problems instead of letting humanity sort them out themselves, that way a “Kryptonian fleet” can invade earth with no resistance.  Lois, there in attendance, calls bullshit, pointing out that A: if Kryptonians are as powerful as Superman and Supergirl they don’t *need* to weaken humanity and B: Superman wanted people to aspire to be better, that Superman “saw Superman in the people around him more frequently than in himself” and backs it up using a secret recording she took on her smartphone during a “date” with Superman which she was actually using to grill him for info (during the date she hides a tape recorder in her purse, which Superman finds with his X-Ray vision and asks her to take out and turn off, then later after he’s gone she takes out her phone and checks to make sure that the recording she got on it was clear, commenting that Superman was ‘clever, but still a sap’).

During the climax of the arc, Jimmy, Emily and Lucy save Superman by rushing forward to “get a good shot up close,” an excuse for Jimmy to shove his flashbulb right in Lex’s face and take a picture so that Emily and Lucy can get the Kryptonite away from him.  This leads to a fight where Superman is trying to protect Lex from a furious Supergirl and the crowd from both Supergirl (whose opinion of humanity is understandably pretty low at that moment) and Lex’s guards.  During the fight a stray “Krypton-alloy” bullet hits Kara in the shoulder, causing her to lose her powers and start falling from the top of Luthor tower.  She’s saved by Jimmy, who earlier noticed a window-cleaning trolley, so he jumps off the tower to grab her and just barely manages to grasp it and a barely-conscious Kara.  Emily and Lucy work together to pull the two fully to safety, initially alone but eventually with the help of the gathered crowd.  Important notes -- Superman attempts to save her but can’t, as approaching her causes his powers to weaken from the “krypton-alloy”.  This is important to the themes of the first arc, Superman is ultimately not the hero.  Lois, Jimmy and Clark (distinguishing Clark from Superman somewhat is also important -- Clark Kent is the real person, Superman is a mask he wears, and someone Clark aspires to be) are ultimately responsible for bringing down Lexcorp’s criminal activities and Emily, Lucy, and Jimmy wind up saving both Superman and Supergirl from Lex.

Kara and Kal-El are given official US citizenship and paperwork (Clark Kent also has official paperwork, although it is forged by someone Ma Kent knows who didn’t really ask any questions about this miracle baby who needed documents).  Kara’s life winds up being a lot more public than Kal-El’s as a result of her not being raised normally on earth or having any kind of secret identity.  She’s placed under investigation and put on trial, but eventually found not guilty as a result of A: not actually hurting anyone B: her attempts to harm the crowd and her threats against humanity as a whole during the fight with Superman were successfully justified under the “temporary insanity” defense (she was brought to a state of high emotion to the point that she could not be considered fully responsible for her actions, essentially the “yeah, you did kind of break some laws but honestly if I were in your shoes I’dve done the same thing” defense) and C: honestly they are not sure they could do much to prosecute her anyway.  After her trial and while she’s still recovering from her gunshot wound (fast healing is not a Kryptonian power in this canon -- when they get actually hurt they stay hurt for a while) Kara meets with Jimmy and thanks him, commenting that “Kal-El is right, about humanity.  About people like you.”  And then.. leaving it at that because restoration of a similar but different status quo at the end of the arc is important and Jimmy having a crush on a girl who he’s certain is totally out of his league is *very important to the status quo* Yeah, so that’s just... kind of the major story beats?  Most of them?  There’s flashbacks to Clark’s childhood, him realizing he has powers, how the Kents react.  Ma Kent and Pa Kent also act somewhat mysteriously.  Ma comes up with the costume idea for Clark suspiciously quickly and occasionally when trying to explain how or why they did/do something to Clark they just say “it’s what has to be/had to be done.”  This is a set up to a potential later arc involving time travel, the idea that Clark’s parents know he will become Superman before it actually happen is kind of important to the story as I imagine it.  The Kent parents meet Superman, and they realize being Superman is important to their son, and as a result they work to help their son become Superman. Edit: oh, also about the Kents, forgot to add: in this canon they’d be Jewish.  That’s actually kind of very important to some of the theming/parallels that the broader narrative is meant to make.