#(and saying something about it which is later validated by the show in Substance. understander truth teller: scapegoat his ass)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

billion's inadvertent understanding like Scapegoat Time with winston where when he's around (and not simply being used straightforward plot device style) he's the punching bag, but when they send him off like "you can't quit / leave b/c you're fired / banished" suddenly it's Scapegoat Time: Sacrificial Kill Ritual with the reveling in abuse along the way to applaud the show created by that & applaud who's doing it. b/c it's not literal scapegoating it's the kind you do to people when the group cohesion requires destructive conflict & it gets focused on someone who might already be extra vulnerable / perhaps a perceptive truth teller about things, like oh You're Ruining It. oh and also the fact that the scapegoat sacrifice of winston means the permanent dissolution of tmc is made so No Big Deal that we don't really have to comment on it again. transferred that destruction onto him / now it's just two people who aren't allowed to punch down on each other in the way they were re: winston & so you definitely can't have a Fund anymore out of that dynamic (even if the Idea of someone is still scapegoated, we'd need to assign the role to someone else still present to be a punching bag too vs something you just take swings Towards....see rian getting several moments punching down on the next most vulnerable party still present, tuk, but the [group] that was tmc just quietly evaporates as a relevant concept once winston is effectively banished/killed)

[jjinpang]

disorganized honest thoughts on angeal and genesis

Read someone's view on crisis core as "a strange game where I only remembered charas from ff7 proper". And I thought to myself. that is an accurate review.

really long ramble-y thoughts from a person who has not kept up with ff7 past crisis core under cut you have been warned

-------------

I have learned to like both of them quite a bit after rolling them around in my head for several years, but on first playthrough I did not like angeal or genesis. and I don't think back in a "what a fool I was" way. I think my original view on the two is actually still valid. I think angeal and genesis are both pretty badly written and have very little substance in game.

I understand the limitations of the psp greatly restricted the amount of story they could cram in. but then you write a different story or change your game system. This is not a valid excuse.

My understanding of how they WANTED to position the characters is Angeal, zacks' heroic ideal, a bar for him to gauge whether he's made it or not. While sephiroth was genesis'?????

because angeal barely spends any time NOT in the opposition, or even coming UP in conversation I really can't tell.

Genesis was positioned to b a foil to zacks. which still rings true in crisis core, but not straight forward enough???

Both Genesis and zacks were fixated on being a hero. I could see it being a clash of ideals. "what is a true hero" type thing. but in that case genesis being a peer of both angeal and sephiroth makes the connection muddy.

This is just a completely biased counter suggestion to the story we got but:

-

I feel like we could have gotten more bang for our buck if genesis was actually a peer of zacks, maybe even excelling where zacks was not, but feels threatened by the growth zacks is showing empowered by his sunshine puppy attitude. Both look up to sephiroth.

genesis continues to idolize sephiroth even when sephiroth proves to be not as perfect as advertised, while zacks has his qualms. it's about becoming a hero for zacks while it's about becoming sephiroth for genesis.

Later there is some drama surrounding who gets promoted to class 1st ( only zacks / only genesis / both but genesis causes some trouble and has to leave etc etc)

zacks and genesis eventually have to duke it out one heroic ideal to another. zacks wins -- we still get basically the same conclusion we got at banora in crisis core proper.

-

You might have noticed this suggestion is Angeal-less. While Angeal is probs one of my fav of the charas introduced in crisis core he did not need to be there methinks. (save on disc space, leave him on the drawing board) HOWEVER In my haphazard suggestion above, maybe it could have been that zacks idolized angeal while genesis idolized sephiroth -- the two class 1sts. But for whatever reason angeal has an "accident", that way sephiroth can still have his "oh no all my friends are gone" dilemma. and a good reason to start going down a dark path.

Meanwhile Genesis had more of a reason to be there -- it's 2007 and GACKT is RIGHT THERE jk jk -- Zacks needed his own foil. that said this "Angeal maybe didn't need to be there" opinion is a bit colored by how square has handled zacks throughout the years. Positioning sephiroth as his heroic ideal over angeal. However even in game they didn't really paint a clear picture of how Angeal was zacks' mentor.

Everyone knew the PSP has limited resources throwing new characters at the problem was kinda a bad solution.

I say this having actually loved playing the game, and knowing full well if they actually did something like what I wrote above I might have enjoyed it less. who knows, nagging about a story that's already written is something nerds(me) do to fill the void in their hearts.

anyhoo have nowhere to put my thoughts so putting them here.

[attemptsonherlifepdf]

bojack horseman and bo burnham: the art of acting like you’re acting and the comedy of misery

at the core of bojack horseman, raphael bob-waksberg’s 2014 comedy, is a story about the relationship between performance and depression. the protagonist of this renowned tragicomedy is best described as a sympathetic villain; he is shown to clearly be in the wrong across various events of the show, and is explicitly referred to as a bad person, but the audience is granted deep access to his personal struggles, resulting in some portions of the audience finding themselves on bojack’s side. the duality of his character is complex, but can be broken down into some core components, that all stem from the impacts of stardom and performance. the standup comedy of bo burnham arguably echoes this sentiment in real time. having been a performer from a young age, burnham creates work that serves as a satirical commentary on the life of entertainers. he uses original songs to explore the reliance upon and resentment for his performative nature both onstage and within his personal life. both the comedian and the netflix show are widely understood to be thinly veiling their critiques of the entertainment industry behind a particular brand of witty and absurd humour.

both bojack and burnham’s content openly criticises their audiences and explicitly states the manufactured nature of the narrative the audience is fed. in the fifth season of bojack horseman, the show satirises itself by having bojack star in a police procedural drama, parts of which are actively written by other characters to reflect events of bojack’s life. the titular character he plays, philbert, is the epitome of selfish male angst, and an example of what bob-waksberg’s show could have been; another story about a sad and angry man whose guilt supposedly makes up for the people he has hurt. according to bojack, philbert teaches us ‘we’re all terrible, so we’re all okay’, an interpretation that is harshly disputed by diane: ‘that’s not the point of philbert, for guys to watch it and feel okay. i dont want you, or anyone else, justifying their shitty behaviour because of the show.’ this moment is a direct reaction to some of the online reception bojack horseman has received. various circles of the show’s fanbase have found themselves relating to the protagonist to the point of defending his untoward behaviour, a response not intentioned by the show’s creators. this is not the only example of bob-waksberg’s ability to make his work self-evaluative. in season six’s exposure of bojack and sarah lynn’s problematic relationship, characters question their sexual encounter from the first season. the writers use this as a way of examining their own choices, and the harmful tropes they played into when using this exploitative sexual encounter as a gag. this self-evaluative quality is what sets bojack apart as a show that assesses the performance it participates in, much like the comedy of bo burnham.

bo burnham is known for directly addressing his audience, particularly in terms of discouraging idolisation and parasocial relationships. some examples of this manifest as responses to hecklers rather than a planned bit in the show, for instance:

heckler: i love you!

bo: no you don’t

heckler: i love the IDEA of you!

bo: stop participating!

he actively addresses the issues posed by being an entertainer, and encourages the audience to understand and recognise that his onstage persona is just that: an exaggerated persona. not once does burnham claim to be fully authentic onstage, and even moments of authenticity we see in his latest special, inside, are staged. we make the assumption that having the physical setting of a stage stripped away grants us a more personal look at the entertainer’s life, but he makes it clear that even in his own home we still see the aspects he has carefully constructed rather than the full truth. arguably though, parts of the show really are authentic; in his monologue during make happy, bo deconstructs his own show in a way that is similar to bojack horseman’s later seasons, admitting that all he knows is performing and thus making a show about the more mundane and relatable aspects of life would feel ‘incredibly disingenuous.’ in his attempts to separate himself from this onstage persona he actually manages to blur the lines between what is acting and what is now part of his nature as a result of his job. this notion is echoed in bojack horseman as bojack’s attention seeking nature is attributed to his years acting in front of a camera every day.

bo suggests that the era of social media has created a space in which children’s identities mimic that of an entertainer like himself, describing the phenomenon as ‘performer and audience melded together.’ in this observation he criticises the phenomenon. bo attempts to force the audience to recognise the ways in which their lives are becoming shaped by the presence of an audience and to some extent uses his own life as a warning tale against this. he points out the way in which the ‘tortured artist trope’ means that your cries for help or roundabout attempts of addressing mature themes such as substance abuse, mental illness and trauma become part of that on stage persona and therefore become part of the joke. both bo and bojack address these topics in more discrete manners earlier in their careers, but this eventually becomes expected, and thus they are forced to explicitly detail their struggles with these topics in order to be taken seriously. even then, portions of the audience are inclined to see it as part of the persona or as something that fuels the creators creativity and thus does not need to be addressed as a legitimate issue. the emphasis on creating a character or persona promotes the commodification of mental illness: any struggle must be made into a song or a joke or a bit, must be turned into part of the act in order to have value. this actually serves to delegitimise these emotions and create a disconnect between the feeling and the person, as it becomes near impossible to exist without feeling as though you are acting. even when an artist’s cries for help become blatant, they continue to go ignored because now they serve the purpose of creating content that criticises the industry they stem from. online audiences can be seen as treating bo burnham and his insightful work as existing to demonstrate the negative effects entertaining can have, and because this insight is useful or thought-provoking to audiences, he is almost demanded to keep entertaining and creating. in response to this demand, his work becomes more meta and his messages become clearer, and the more obvious his messages, the more people he reaches. this increases audience demands and traps entertainers in a cycle fraught with internal conflict.

during bojack’s second season, bojack’s date asks him, ‘come on, do that bojack thing where you make a big deal and everyone laughs, but at the same time we relate, because you're saying the things polite society won't.’ this moment exemplifies how aspects of his genuine personality have now become a part of his persona and this is demanded of him in genuine and serious situations, undermining the validity of his emotional reactions. he immediately makes a rude comment to the waitress at the restaurant they’re in and satisfies his date by performing that character he has set himself out to be. some circles of the fan base have argued that bojack is written as a depiction of somebody with borderline personality disorder, offering a psychoanalytical lens through which to view this notion of performance. a defining symptom of borderline personality disorder is a fluctuating sense of self; having grown up on camera, being demanded to perform to others as young as six years old, bojack’s sense of self will have been primarily dictated by the need to act.  whether this acting is for the sake of comedy, or as a representation of masking his mental illness, when they need to act is taken away bojack entirely loses his sense of self and relapses into his addictions: ‘i felt like a xerox of a xerox of a person.’ burnham’s depictions of depression run along a similar vein; in his new special he poses the idea that his comedy no longer serves the same personal purpose it once did for him. he questions ‘shit should I be joking at a time like this?’ and satirises the idea that arts have enough value to change or impact the current global issues that we are facing. burnham’s ‘possible ending song’ to his latest special, he asks ‘does anybody want to joke when no-one’s laughing in the background? so this is how it is.’ implicit in this question is the idea that when the audience is taken away and there is nobody to perform his pain to, he is left with his pain. instead of being able to turn his musings and thoughts into a product to sell to the public, he is forced to just think about them in isolation and actually face them, an abrupt and distressing experience.

the value of performance and art is questioned by both bojack and burnham, particularly during the later years of their respective content. burnham’s infamous song, art is dead, appears to be a direct response to the question ‘what is the worth of art?’ he posits that performing is the result of a need for attention (‘my drug’s attention, i am an addict, but i get paid to indulge in my habit’) and repeatedly jokes throughout his career that the entertainment industry receives more respect that it deserves (‘i’m the same as you, im still doing a job or a service, i’m just massively overpaid’). his revelations regarding the inherent desire for attention that runs through all entertainers is frequently satirised in bojack horseman. bojack is comically, hyperbolically attention hungry and self-obsessed, and the show has a running gag in which he uses phrases along the lines of ‘hello, why is nobody paying attention to me, the famous movie star, instead of these other boring people.’ his constant attempts to direct the focus of others towards himself result in bojack feeling like ‘everybody loves you, but nobody likes you.’ his peers buy into his act and adore the comical, exaggerated, laughable aspects of his character, but find very little room to respond to him on a genuinely personal level because of this. interestingly, bojack appears to enjoy catering to his audience and the instant gratification it produces, whereas bo burnham becomes increasingly candid about his mixed feeling towards his audience. ‘i wanna please you, but i wanna stay true to myself, i wanna give you the night out that you deserve, but i wanna say what i think and not care what you think about it.’ he admits to catering to what audiences want from him, but resents both the audience and himself in the process as it reveals to himself which parts of his character are solely for the sake of people watching him.

within bojack horseman, this concept is applicable not only to the protagonist, but to the various forms of performer demonstrated in the plot. towards the show’s end, sarah lynn asks ‘what does being authentic have to do with anything?’ to which herb kazzaz responds, ‘when i finally stopped hiding behind a facade i could be at peace.’ this highlights the fact that because entertainers are demanded to continue the facade, they do not receive the opportunity to find ‘peace.’ this sentiment is scattered throughout the show, through a musical motif, the song ‘don’t stop dancing.’ the song stems from a life lesson bojack imparted to sarah lynn at a young age, and becomes more frequently used as the show progresses and bojack’s situation worsens.

sarah lynn is also used to explore the value of entertainers; in the show’s penultimate episode, she directly compares her work as a pop icon to the charity work of herb, arguing that if she suffered in order to produce her work. it has to mean something. she lists the struggles she faced when on tour: ‘i gave my whole life...my manager leaked my nudes to get more tour dates added, my mom pointed out every carb i ate, it was hell. but it gave millions of fans a show they will never forget and that has to mean something.’ implicit in this notion is the idea that entertainment is the epitome of self-sacrifice. there is a surplus of mentally ill individuals within the industry, largely due to the nature of the industry itself, but some may argue that the cultural grip the industry has, and the vast amounts of respect and money it generates annually, gives the suffering of these prolific individuals meaning.

the juxtaposing responses entertainers feel towards their audiences manifest as two forms of desperation: the desperation to be an individual who is held accountable, and the desperation to be loved and validated. we see both bojack and bo depict how they oscillate between  ‘this is all a lie’ and ‘my affection for my audience is genuine’, or between ‘do not become infatuated with me im a character’ and ‘please fucking love my character i do not know how to be loved on a personal level.’ bojack explicitly asks diane to write a slam piece on him and ‘hold him accountable’, similar to bo’s song ‘problematic’ in which the hook includes the phrase ‘isn’t anybody gonna hold me accountable?’ for his insensitive jokes as a late teenager. their self-awareness is what enables their self-evaluative qualities, but self-awareness is its own issue. bojack grapples with a narcissistic view of his own recognition of his behaviour before settling on a more nuanced, albeit depressing take. originally he makes the assumption that in recognising the negative aspects of himself, he is superior to those who behave similarly: ‘but i know im a piece of shit. that makes me better than all the pieces of shit that don’t know theyre pieces of shit.’ eventually, during his time at rehab he is forced to reconcile with the fact that self awareness does not, to put it bluntly, make you the superior asshole, it just makes you the more miserable one. the show does, however, make a point to recognise how the entertainment industry protects ‘pieces of shit’, prioritising their productive value over how much they deserve to be held accountable, demonstrated using characters like hank hippopoalus. the show itself obviously stems from the entertainment industry, as it is a form of media produced by netflix, one of the most popular streaming platforms available. bojack horseman and bo burnham represent the small corner of the industry that is reflective enough to showcase the damage it inflicts. this is powerful in terms of education and awareness, and urges audiences to question their own motives and versions of performance, but the reflection alone is not powerful enough to help the artists in question. burnham’s candid conversations surrounding his mental health continue to reveal a plethora of issues somewhat caused or sustained by the nature of his career. within bojack horseman, bojack is only able to stop hurting other characters when those characters construct a situation that forces him to face consequence, his introspection alone is not enough. while bojack ends on a message of hope, suggesting to the audience that reverting back to the status quo is not the only acceptable way for events to end, it leaves stinging lessons and social commentary with the audience regarding the unnatural and damaging narrative that performers live through. on a similar but markedly different note, bo burnham’s work and personal progression is playing out in real time, and not in a way that is as raw and genuine as it appears. each bit is planned, even the most vulnerable moments that appear unplanned and painful. his latest special is not entirely devoid of hope, but does translate to audiences as a somewhat exaggerated look around the era of social media and the development of performance, using himself as an example.

the absurdist humour that often acts as a vehicle for poignant statements or emotionally provocative questions is very specific to each media creator. bob-waksberg’s use of puns, tongue twisters and entirely ridiculous circumstances served to simultaneously characterise his points as an expected part of the show’s style of humour, similar to bojack’s emotional instability, but also to make them appear gut-punching in comparison to the humour. burnham’s work is similar in that poignant but blunt statements are often sandwiched between absurd and exaggerated jokes, making them stand out via contrast but not giving the audience too much time to dwell upon them as they are said. performance art is second nature to entertainers, and is presented a an issue that is infiltrating the general population via social media rather than solely affecting the ‘elites’. bojack horseman and bo burnham present the duality of artists simultaneously attempting to level the playing field and increase their chances of survival in the industry, and encourage audiences to know that everyone is bluffing and you’ll never have the right cards anyway.

i.k.b

[merrysithmas]

Obviously the Falcon show should've shown Bucky coming terms with the fact that he should write his OWN name in his book of victims.

It should have been made visually clear by the end of the series that he doesnt have to apologize for heinous crimes committed by Hydra hijacking his body and obliterating his bodily autonomy to incomprehensible levels, easentially using him like a criminal pump n dump. Every new assignment, new agonizing training, new puppetry, another violent rape of his body and mind.

Bucky is not at all even akin to say Tony Stark, who suffered immense guilt during the entire Infinity Saga regarding his former life as a weapons dealer. Tony's (valid) guilt resulted in a compulsive desire to protect the earth, ultimately ending in his voluntary death. Tony is time and again shown as a tortured hero despite his initial complacency in his morally bereft actions. Bucky gets no such luck- even though Bucky, in his former life, committed no such atrocities and in fact was likely one of the most heroic pre-superhero normals in the MCU.

Bucky was a well-liked, smart, athletic, happy boy who cast aside any manner of social expectation to throw in his lot, time, and energy, again and again, with chronically ill, disabled, social menace Steve Rogers. Bucky canonically nursed Steve's injuries, was his stalwart companion through all life's difficulties (his illnesses, his mother's death, Steve's psychological inferiority complex and mental anguish resulting from his social standing) and the Crash, and mostly importantly, Bucky did not want to go to war.

He was drafted (something that seemingly would have been key to bring up in Falcon re: his lifetime as an unwilling soldier). And, emotionally, Bucky ardently tried to dissuade Steve from joining the army, for fear he'd lose him. Despite not wanting to fight and being tortured, Bucky stayed in the military post-rescue from Azzano because he could not fathom leaving Steve. He planted his feet in a burning building shouting "No! not without you!" refusing to leave without Steve even after his rescue from months of torture. Til the end of the line, regardless of what happened to him.

For the next three entire films we see the frankly epic level of value Steve places on Bucky's devoted companionship. How desperately Steve valued Bucky's goodness and innocence (even above his own life, reputation, and safety).

Bucky doesn't have to cross out names he feels guilty about as if atoning for his own sins - and while the thought behind this narrative choice may have been to depict some semblance of retribution, this notion would have been much better expressed in another way. Such as: members of the public or others who were vicitmized in some horrible manner (domestic abuse, sexual abuse, scapegoats, other victims of Hydra etc) coming to Bucky instead to comfort him, welcoming him into a group designed to alieviate this solitary mental burden, or at least comiserate in some manner. Showing him he was not alone and who, exactly, he could be fighting for should he ever choose to fight again. The voiceless and disregarded, who only have Bucky who understands.

Also (though it seems to have engendered some faction of fandom vitriol), the removal of Bucky's arm during battle deserves consideration. This visual act was obviously narratively intended to show the unmatched prowess of the Dora Milaje and the justifiable premeditated cautiousness of Wakanda re: the generous rehabilitation of a dangerous mass weapon.

Though, it has the double-edged effect of showing how Bucky is still not an agent of his own bodily autonomy. His mental and physical freedom, his very ability to do his job and make his own choices therein, is still under the jurisdiction of someone else. His disability is his opposition's advantage (whether well-intentioned or not). Essentially, he is mistrusted. And it doesn't matter how much therapy he goes to, how much he atones for his "sins", his mind is still considered not to be fully and truly his. This is one of the most injurious of all things Bucky suffers - even those who rehabilitate him doubt the complete success of his healing. Therefore, his entire arc in the series is at best questionable simply with that alone.

His entire arc should clearly have been reframed to display his victimhood, and how the fact that he is mistrusted is also another burden and misfortune that he can work through and call others out for, instead of absorbing the guilt for that too.

Falcon does a poor job of showing how this "Bucky can't be trusted" mindset is highly injurious to his status as a victim, while mostly asserting it is a byproduct of his (alleged) villainy. It does not separate "alleged villainy" and "propensity for villainous actions as result of the abuse his suffered for 70 years". Instead of clarification on this for the viewers and Bucky himself we are, among other things, posed with the question - is the Winter Soldier still in Bucky?

Right there, you know the show was not intended to show much closure for the character, but rather wring-out, refresh, and even retroactively assert his alleged villainy over his victimhood in anticipation of perhaps his own solo series (where the Soldat is reactivated). Yet, we are also oddly simutaneously expected to accept that Bucky is "healing" somehow, although we never witness anything truly happen him, internally, to suggest this.

Bucky plays an almost angry motherly role to Sam at the start of the series, initially chastising him for not accepting responsibility. Bucky sees himself as the protector of Steve's legacy, and is disappointed in Sam's (later he learns, complicated) reluctance to wield the shield.

In the end, Bucky is approving of Sam and proud of his rise to the Cpt America mantle in that same manner - bookended with approval from a distance where he almost, again, stands off to the side as a proud mother. He seems to see himself as a mentor in Sam's journey towards self-actualization. Why is he so happy Sam has become the hero he always was inside?

His newfound friendship and respect for Sam as his own hero, of course. However, it is also his love of Steve which is the next obvious answer, his deep pride in who Steve was and what he accomplished, but this is inferred and never said - thus taking away again, from an oppotunity for Bucky's emotional growth and healing. The writers didn't even know where Steve was (or if Bucky knows his whereabouts) but they could have indicated something to that effect.

Once Sam has embraced Cap, the series ends. However, despite the jubilant setting of the finale, Bucky is still narrartively unmoored. We are left with the image of him lighthearted and hopeful, but without much substance towards its sustainability and so there is not much satisfaction in it despite the sweetness of its visual impact. But its depth? We are unsure. This is because Sam's ultimate advice to him, that he "serve" others rather than enact vengeance, strips away another truth about Bucky's situation.

That Bucky's desire for retribution and vengeance against those that abused and tormented him is valid and a real victim response. Bucky's perspective is seen as "wrong" instead of a well-documented step stone on the path to solid mental survivorship. Bucky could eventually want to serve -- but serve who?

Again, obviously the answer is: other victims like himself. But the show won't call him a victim at all, and thus Sam's advice feels hollow (serve... the vague and faceless Greater Good?) and Bucky's emotional security at the end of the show feels as if it lacks substance and permanance for the audience.

The payoff for Bucky's healing is almost nonexistent because no one will ever say why he was hurt in the first place (a victim).

Could go on and on about how this is because of Disney's terror of Bucky's perceived compromised masculinity (victimhood, captured, mentally damaged in WWII and present day), visual femininity (hair, slapped by men for insubordination, physically touched and moved against his will, soft spokeness, powerlessness in the narrarive), queer subtext (Steve, his origin as Arnold Roth Steve's gay jewish best friend, perceived jealousy of Peggy, intense affection for Steve), his juxtaposition to Steve and role in Steve's narrative, and their desire to wipe his slate clean with a new Masc Bucky.

Hint: it doesn't work.

[youwontlikethisblog]

Forgive Me!

This is a long post, like really long so take breaks if you need them :) There's also some rants in this lol

The night started off with Betty leaving Eco Moda and Armando going to a bar with Mario where they talked about the plan. At some point Mario, seeming sincere told Armando that he was convinced and that he shouldn't go and comply with his duties as a man.

However Armando tells Mario that he can't do that and with an endearing smile told him that Betty was really looking forward to them spending time together, that he couldn't let her down.

As I keep mentioning, Armando has an EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION to Betty up to this point. That emotional attraction is what pushes him forward. He does have a physical attraction to her but it is mostly based and motivated by his emotional attraction. I think it's extremely important to understand that having an emotional attraction to someone doesn't mean you don't find them physically attractive. People usually experience physical attraction at first sight and confuse that as love, however those types of relationships don't last long UNLESS there is a strong emotional attraction and while Armando has first experienced an emotional attraction to Betty and then a physical attraction to her, it doesn't make it any less valid that he does like her and that he is attracted to her but by this stage of the novela Armando, though not completely understanding his feelings towards Betty has now come to be at peace with his emotional attraction, though he still rejects the idea of any attraction to her because he's a man obsessed with perfection.

We have been seeing Armando slowly come around to his emotional attraction to Betty and whenever they have heavily emotional conversations or they are being vulnerable it is when he seems to desire her more. The entirety of his character is that he goes from being this vain and superficial man to being a man that cares for true substance and stops being so selfish. If he were to ONLY feel physical attraction to Betty or be ONLY motivated by that physical attraction than his character would have never learned any valuable lessons in life, aside from not being a liar. However the fact that his attraction to Betty is emotionally strong and the main course of action that moves him to change and INSPIRES him to change is what makes this such an important and impactful relationship to him because he knows he can satisfy his human body, however he's never felt his emotional senses satisfied. I don't want that lost in translation when I do these breakdowns because we understand why he has denied, ignored, and confused his feelings towards Betty, however it is important to also understand that the feelings he doesn't hide away from are the ones he is slowly embracing in the past few episodes that set a foundation to what happens on the night of Betty's party.

For that exact reason we get the scenes we do.

Now that that's out of the way, lets dive in.

Armando told Mario that he thinks Nicolas is still trying to get with Betty, that he had been calling her all day long and that he thinks that Nicolas is a cansón(unbearable) guy.

Later on at Betty's house after Don Hermes gave him a tour of his daughter's degree's and such, they're sitting down while Don Hermes drunkenly tells him about Uncle Lazaro, the man who was rich and lost all his money. As he tells him this emotional story we hear a knock. Betty runs to the door and calls out it's Nicolas and Armando tries to hold his composure.

This scene is a favorite for two reasons: One Nicolas does something that Armando swore he'd never do; take a romantic serenade to Betty and Two that while Armando has said he has never wanted to meet Nicolas in this scene you can tell that he wants to.

As Betty is outside with Nicolas who is telling her that he'll behave and that he even wore his best dress to impress Armando is inside constantly leaning towards the door and looking to that direction.

When Betty finally accepts the serenade from Nicolas Don Hermes words are impactful to Armando as he gives him a nickname, which means that Don Hermes like Nicolas a lot and views him as part of the family and lastly as Don Hermes said; that the most important thing to him was that Nicolas adores Betty.

To Armando this means a lot and it does upset him.

Take a look at the scenes of this episode; Betty's dad brags about his daughter, he shows her off like the most beautiful girl to ever exists and she is(being beautiful transcends the physicality of someone). I highly doubt that Armando's parents ever do that. Roberto didn't even know what his son studied in college. Armando has a deep respect for Don Hermes and fear of him as well(it doesn't stop him from being a jerk but he has it) and for a man that brags about his daughter that way, who protects his daughter so much, and who makes her daughter be respected; to declare Nicolas as the son they never had, say he's a member of the family, give him a nickname and say that what matters to him the most is that Nicolas adores Betty means so much to Armando because he holds none of that.

Armando isn't the one they call son, he isn't a member(not yet at least) of the family, he isn't the one that adores(that they know of) Betty and has Don Hermes approval. It angers him. The post I made "Nicolas Mora Is Better Than You" explains this a bit better. Armando has barely just begun to touch surface of what Betty's personal life is like and he now has to not only view Nicolas as his economic and romantic rival but now as the rival that is also taking away his opportunity to join Betty's family life.

Now add that with his short fuse and obsession with perfection and cleanliness, by the time everyone leaves the man wants to go. Also that Betty accepted Nicola's serenade and roses while he was there.

However when he tells Betty that he wants to go home and for her to follow him to the door he literally stops a step or two away from him, as if he sensed that his shadow was no longer there, he turned to look at her and asked her what was wrong, why wasn't she following him?

He tries to explain that they've been drinking, that his clothes are dirty, and that most places are closed but when he sees Betty's demeanor he lets out a sigh and tells her:

"Well, fine, Betty, okay. Let's see what's open." He says with a soft tone and happy to comply to Betty, who's entire demeanor brightens as she asks if he's for real. He gives her a genuine smile at this, she tells him to give her a moment to grab her things and then they can leave. Armando then hears his father-in-law start to sing and he covers his ears.

Just in time Roman and Co. cause a scene with Marcela and Patty(they were there spying on Armando) so that Armando and Betty can sneak off without getting caught.

(Read posts Betty's New Look, I Don't Believe He Desires Me Part 1 & 2 to better understand these following posts.)

Both Betty and Armando have been drinking that night but Betty more than she is used to so she is being more relaxed ;)

While Armando is driving and looking for a place to eat Betty is giving him small kisses on the neck. When Armando asks if she's had a lot to drink she chuckles and says yes.

As Armando explains that all restaurants are closed and there's no more places open Betty asks if he's still hungry and he sarcastically respondes that the appetizers are her house were exquisite(he didn't get to eat) and asks Betty what place did she suggest.

"We can go dance."

"Dance?" he asks surprised.

"Yes Sir, let's go dance." She smiles but Armando doesn't seem enthusiastic or even happy about it. So Betty leans away from him. "Mm, well, if I'm taking your time, if you don't want to be with me, if you're bored, and you want to go to Ms. Marcela's apartment, I get it."

"Betty it's not that, Betty. How do I explain this? It isn't that. It's just getting late, it's getting really late." He tries to play it off with a laugh. However Betty swallows hard and stays silent. Armando turns to glance at her briefly and takes in a quick breath and says "Okay we'll do something, don't get sad my picarona(google translate gives me both naughty and smart so you do with that information what you will)." he grabs her by the chin. "We'll go dance for a little then."

"The Sir had his drinks too, no?"

"Yeah... but a few." He says at the end. "I still need a few more." he says under his breath. Betty then leans her head on his shoulder and he stops the fake smile and shows a genuine one.

(The next scene is of Freddy dropping off Aura Maria and I'm currently writing another post about them :))

[I don't know if y'all noticed that Both Armando and Betty are using the same outfit that they used the day of the new collection launch(before he changed for the show). Betty is wearing the same green dress with flowers while Armando is wearing the same black suit with the dark gray shirt and dark purple tie.]

Armando and Betty made it to a club where they danced until Armando imagined Marcela catching him and he freaked out and told Betty it was best for them to sit down.

He's paranoid because Marcela hasn't been ringing up his phone so he thinks that she's following him though the times he has spoken to her that night he has always said "We'll talk tomorrow" implying that for the night they won't converse anymore but because Marcela is a controlling possessive freak he is paranoid she'll catch him.

Betty goes onto being the supportive girlfriend who wants to take care of his emotional needs by asking:

"Sir what's wrong? Is something worrying you? Are the drinks making you ill?"

"No." He says after he sets his drink down. "Or yes? I don't know." He looks worried.

"What's happening is that we've drank too much." Betty smiles and runs her fingers through the back of his head. "we're a little crazy." she laughs.

"Yeah."

"But I'll make sure to make you better, sir."(GIRL (0O0)). Armando looks at her serious.

"Yeah, how?"(DUDE I CAN'T Y'ALL DON'T UNDERSTAND THESE THINGS MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE TO WATCH AND NOW WRITE? LMBO).

"With my kisses." Betty pulls him closer and he leans down to kiss her and they goin, they goin at it, my guy. For a man who says that he isn't attracted to Betty he sure do have a funny way of showing it. CAUSE DANG SON.

Armando jumps back a few seconds later because he is imagining Marcela sitting across from them watching him. Panicked he jumps back and tells Betty:

"Betty you're like pa-pa-passionate[tonight]."

Betty here asks for consent, she is asking for the go ahead to continue.

"Why Sir? Do you not feel the same that I do?"

"Eh ye-yes, of course."

"This urge to be close, kissing." Betty kisses him "Oh Sir, I need you so so much. Do you need me?" Armando has been distracted looking around him, paranoid that Marcela could be around but also because Betty is really putting it out there, you know?

'Ah?" However to reply to her he finally stops looking around and stares at her and with sincerity tells her "Yes, I also need you so much."

There's a reason why I point this out a lot recently and that is that Armando throws all caution to the wind and prejudice and stops caring about his denial whenever he has let his guard down around Betty and whenever they have been conversing about emotional subjects.

Here when Betty said she'd make him feel better it allowed him to feel her love because it wasn't just Betty flirting, he knew and trusted that she would both emotionally and physically, which is why he invited her flirtatious effort and flirted back. Then when Betty was telling him how much she needs him, asking if he too needs her, though for Betty this was all her flirting and being romantic, to Armando this all felt very emotionally charged because when he responded to her that he too needs her very much it wasn't just physically but mostly emotionally and that means to him so much more than anything else when it comes to Betty up to this point because they haven't sinned(lol) so once more he welcomes and returns Betty's affections.

He still pulls away though and he looks confused and worried as well as uncomfortable.

[EDIT: After watching this scene again(I pressed the wrong episode and I'm too lazy to go back on the disc menu but I ain't complaining) I realize that Armando's expression here isn't him uncomfortable, it's worried, and surprised. After he pulls away he keeps his eyes closed, as opposed to before when before, during, and after he kept his eyes open. He keeps eye contact with her and swallows hard and takes in a deep breath and then searches her eyes.]

"What's wrong, Sir? Do you not want to be with me anymore? Do I make you uncomfortable? Am I bothering your?" Again, Betty is asking him for consent. She is asking him if he wants to. This is so important! Not only because it proves that Betty didn't take advantage of Armando like so many think she did but because it holds a lot of emphasis when it comes to Armando and his affairs/relationship with Marcela and I'll explain that later on in the post.

"No-no it's not that Beatriz. I'm just nervous and paranoid." he says looking around "this thing with Marcela, I don't feel at peace. Why don't we leave?"

"Where to?" Betty asks with a smile.

"Where?" He asks worried.

"Yes, or do you not want to be with me, Sir?" Betty again is picking up on his cues. "We've only been together for a little bit." Betty's had her arms around Armando's shoulders this entire time and is staring at him adoringly.

"No yeah, yeah. I don't know. Let's go somewhere else, like some other place."

"We can go somewhere we can be tranquil and at peace." She flutters her eye. "lets go." She kisses him.

Now Armando once again has been a hit or miss. One moment he welcomes Betty's advances and the next he seems uncomfortable. One moment he sincerely encourages her advances and the next he do so forcefully.

When it comes to consent the lines are very clear. Betty has asked for clear consent and when she herself, drunk or sober, has taken notice that Armando is not on the same page as her, she has asked to reassure herself and him. She is doing all of this under the guidance that Armando feels the same way and is consenting, both physically and verbally.

Yes, she's had a lot to drink which would explain why she isn't so timid as to flirt and show her affection. Betty is a affectionate drunk, or a happy drunk if you will. So this is normal behavior for a drunk Betty. We've only seen her drunk once before(when the girls took her out to celebrate her promotion) and she was pretty happy, giggling, and over-all when she got home very excited and happy as she wrote in her journal.

Armando is a cynical drunk...well he's always cynical. This is really based on personal opinion and not on what we are being told by the writer during this scene so take this with a grain of salt. I believe that Armando IS feeling paranoid about Marcela, obviously, we are shown this but I also believe that the reason he also jumped back when he was kissing Betty is because he felt something other than the emotional attraction he's so used to feeling towards Betty and it was a lot more noticeable to him here.

[EDIT: Hey guys this is a correction to a certain detail that I confused, though the meaning still stands.

I wanted to clarify this because I mixed up both scenes. This is the kiss after he jumps back when he sees Marcela sitting across from them. This time he pulls away from Betty with his eyes closed, that expression that he has is the face that tells us that he knew in that moment that physically he would be capable of doing that to Betty. ]

Now Betty and him leave the club and while Betty is inside the car Armando calls The Love Guru, Mr. Dimples, The Hype Man.

While he expresses that he has no desire, no wish, no anything that inspires him to do that with Betty, Mario tells him that he should just grab the situation by the horns and get it over with, that Betty is testing him to see how far his love for her goes and this is where he finally decides to do it.

Mario didn't use his classic tactics of "The Company! Our Money! Your Family! Nicolas! Your Ego!" this time he said "She's testing to see how much you really love her." and Armando decides, with free will and all, that he'll take Betty to a hotel.

This scene pisses me off for a lot of reasons(it's actually my first time seeing this scene since the NBC airing took it off when I saw this episode so this is all my opinion at the heat of the moment lol)

For one, though Armando does care for Betty, he doesn't care enough. He is disregarding the fact that Betty is a human being, a person with feelings and emotions and all he's doing is just forcing himself to go along with it, yes he has secret desires bla bla bla, but above all, his actions are being driven by deceit, to himself and to Betty. The fact that he doesn't even take some time to consider her feelings, to express himself so disgusted by the idea that Betty, his Betty, desires him and he thinks it's so disgusting that she does, infuriates me!

He is being extremely unfair here because he believes he is the first man to ever lay eyes on her, to ever be physical with her. He believes that he is the first man Betty will ever be with to the extent of the word and even then, even for some stupid sympathy, some stupid chivalry or some stupid kindness! He doesn't think about how she could be feeling! He doesn't stop to consider if she's scared, afraid, nervous, a freakin' wreck! He stops to think "Oh I can't take her to my apartment because then she won't ever leave!" just like he expressed himself about Claudia Boche. He thinks more about himself than he does about Betty and her wellbeing and this plays such a huge role in Betty's future pain.

But damned be his dedication questioned and he'll kick into gear.

While yes Armando has begun to actually play the role of her boyfriend, who has now learned to place Betty's feelings before his own, sometimes, he has yet to learn to be a man about it all. He still hasn't truthfully sat down to try to figure out his dream and when he has done so, he has decided to ignore, deny, reject, and push away.

Betty deserves so much more than this "man" that night.

Ok personal rant over, let's continue being objective.

Okay it's not. Can he make up his mind?

Now it is.

So Armando drives up to a hotel, where Betty asks where they are and he tells her, a hotel(okay sometimes breaking down Armando's behavior exhaust me but it's like I love to suffer IG, so I keep doing this to myself lol so I'm probably gonna be snarky and sarcastic a lot for this one lol) and goes on to explain that he thought this is what she meant but then tells her in a fast pace "or not. We can go home to our beds because we have to get up early-" and Betty interrupts him by saying that it was what she was thinking and leans in to kiss him and again, homeboy goes in. He goes in with enthusiasm, like someone pointed a gun to his head and said "Kiss her like you mean you slut" and he said "bet, no gun needed."

Yo that's a nice hotel(THIS IS ALSO MY FIRST TIME SEEING THE SCENE OUTSIDE OF THE HOTEL. Y'ALL GETTING MY LEGIT FIRST REACTIONS).

Armando's behavior here is embarrassment as he is whispering who he is and that he wants a hotel reservation. He keeps looking around to see if anyone will notice him.

Also Armando is bougie cause he told Calderon that he wasn't going to go to a dingy dark hotel and look at the very NOICE hotel he did go to. The hotel is very nice.

Betty however has not once laid her eyes off of Armando. One could imagine what she's thinking. It's something probably along the lines of "I can't believe this is happening, that he's here, that it's really him and that we're here together. That he desires me just like I desire him."

However as soon as they enter the room Betty's entire demeanor changes. She stops holding onto him and her smile falls from her face and she looks like she's holding her breath. Very timidly she sits on the bed and when she notices Armando sitting as well she moves away with her hands holding each other in front of her, on her lap.

I imagine this probably brings back flashbacks of her first time and how she must've felt. She's probably running all these memories and thoughts of it, wondering if Armando will also be like Miguel.

I do appreciate the fact that this scene is so quiet. It makes it so realistic and honest as well as raw. While Armando is thinking about he is sacrificing himself, Betty is reliving a trauma.

This is why I didn't want to talk about Armando physically desiring Betty as this eager craving that was driving him crazy. His desire for Betty in a physical sense was motivated and pushed forward by the growing of his emotional attraction, again, that doesn't invalidate his attraction to her, attraction is attraction one way or the other the only difference is that physical attraction doesn't last very long while emotional attraction does.

Armando turns to look at Betty with a pain expression on his face. His brows are furrowed but his mouth is in a snarl.

Betty then stands up quickly and excuses herself to go to the bathroom.

Now Betty's first time has a lot of impact here, it isn't only because she's been bullied and made fun of because of her appearance all of her life. Her first time with a man made her feel extremely hideous as a woman. Could you imagine what she felt when she found out that Miguel had only slept with her because of a bet? To look at herself in the reflection of a mirror after that? And not obsess with it, not hate what she was staring at? To not feel disgusted by her own reflection? While before she hated that she was ugly this time it felt so much more personal, to the point that she wanted to die. Her first time was traumatic and it holds so much meaning here.

Betty is staring at her reflection, she glances at her body covered in her baggy clothing and pulls her coat forward, she rolls her shoulders back, pulls her glasses up and stares at her face, while Betty is going through this Armando is going through his own dilema.

He calls up Mario and tells him that he doesn't think he can do this and Mario tells him to order a pill or something but to do it.

"I'm going to try to be more explicit. I won't be capable of it."

"Where's Betty?"

"She's in the bathroom." He points with his hand holding a whisky. "She's in the bathroom, I'm waiting for her to come out. Brother, I want to leave, yeah? I want to run out of here." He says those last words as a begging.

"Look, Armando, I don't think you've understood me. You're playing with fire. Get serious. You can't take her to a hotel room and then try to escape. You can't, it's too late. Comply with your obligation, man."

"I can't. I'm not capable of doing this to Betty. Plus I've had two bottles of beautifiers, of whisky, and none of that, none of that convinces me that I have to do this to Betty."

"Listenlisten wait for her to come out of the bathroom, turn off the lights, close the curtains, leave the room in complete darkness and think of Adriana Arboleda[...] but you're not leaving there, you understand me? You. Are. Not. Leaving."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks a lot." He angrily hangs up the phone. Armando then goes to turn off the lights and close the curtains.

A very shy and timid Betty steps out of the bathroom and the darkness towards the part of the room where the bed is.

"Betty..." He squints at her. "Would you like a drink?"

"No Sir." She smiles. "I drank enough tonight." She laughs(her smile here is so cute! Like she smiles so bright that her eyes almost close and she looks so cute! I told you I love Betty, she is my child and I will defend her to the ends of the earth.) but when she turns to look at Armando she stops. He stands up and goes to kiss her but Betty, though for a second looks like she's going to kiss him, walks past him and sits down on the bed, again, sitting very straight and still(A sign of nervousness) with a worried expression, her hands are once again clasped in front of her, sitting on her lap.

Armando and Betty both lean in to kiss once they're both sitting on the edge of the bed again but Armando pulls away this time. Betty searches his face while he maintains his eyes closed and swallows hard. His expression was pained one.

"What's wrong, Sir?" She leans back. Armando now opens his eyes and stares off at something else.

"it's-it's just that I won't be able to, Beatriz, I'm sorry." He finally says.

"It's because of Ms. Marcela, right?"

"No, it's because of you." He says the last word looking away from her and standing up and going to the couch next to the bed, against the wall.

Betty swallows hard and stares off to the other side of the room and then turns to stare at him, once again swallowing hard, her eyes start to tear up and she nods.

"Don't worry, Sir. I understand." She looks down at her hands.

"Thank you, thank you." Armando replies while staring at her though for a quick second he looks confused about it.

Betty draws in a sharp breath and begins to speak. "I knew that this, this couldn't happen." Armando now stares at her, again, with a solemn expression. "That it was the start of a dream but without an ending." She chuckles while Armando still stares at her, Betty hasn't made eye contact since she said she understood. "I aspired too much with you." Armando looks away from her, deep in thought and considering what Betty is saying. "It was already enough that you would have noticed me, for you to go out with me..." Betty's chin quivers and her eyes become more teary while her voice chokes up as she tells him "for you to have kissed me." she shakes her head and looks like she's fighting the urge to start sobbing. "This is a big deal to me, Sir. What I have accomplished with you up to now, is just too much to just expect that you desire me as well." She finally looks at him.

"No. No, Betty you're misinterpreting what I just said. It's not like that either." He speaks to her softly. Betty however shakes her head, with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"No-nono Sir. You don't have to explain it to me. You-you don't have to feel that kind of attraction for me...that desire. You can't be the exception...and for the fact of having this... very beautiful relationship...by the fact that I love you, Sir." She again makes eye contact with him. "Doesn't mean that you're under the obligation to make love with me." She looks down at her hands.

Armando removes his glasses and stands up to take Betty's hands in his.

"No Beatriz, come, please come." He takes her hands into his and holds them up. "Don't say those things, yeah? Don't say these things, no." he says staring at her.

"Sir." Betty looks somewhere else. "Forgive me. Forgive me for pressuring you, for-for having been so overbearing tonight. Forgive me, sir." She begs. "I'm such an imbecile." She cries. "Forgive me." She covers her face with her hand. Armando takes her hand.

"Don't say those things, Beatriz. I do desire you." He whispers and leans in to kiss her but after two kisses Betty pulls away, stands up and says:

"No no, Sir. You don't have to do it. Don't do it out of compassion or commitment."

"Beatriz I-I'm not doing this nor do I want to do this for any of the things you just said." he says emotionally frustrated. Betty turns to stare at him again.

"Then why do you want to, Sir?" She asks timidly.

"I want to do this because I love you." Armando himself seems surprised by this confession of his. "Because I love you, Betty."

And scene.

Marcela, the models, and the women Armando has had affairs with have more in common than looks and social statues. They also don't take no for an answer.

When Armando has at first said no, has said that he doesn't have time, this and that, the women continued to insist until he finally gave in. Yes, Armando is a seggsual man and yes he does choose to sleep with these models but lets not ignore the fact that he too at times is pressured, persuade, or manipulated. Is he an easy victim? Yes because he is a man driven by his seggsual needs, does this excuse his cheating? No because at the end of the night he does consent because he finally gives in into his desire but it doesn't happen until they basically beg him to. Marcela is a different story. She seggsually manipulates him a lot.

In other words what I'm trying to say is that for the first time ever that's about to change. When he calls Mario to beg him to get him out of that situation, Mario dismisses his feelings and tells him he has to "man up" and do it, an angry Armando agrees and hangs up, however this is very similar to the time he tried to explain his feelings and why he felt so guilty for what he was doing to Betty and Mario just made a joke about it all and he stopped talking about it.

So he stays, against his will, feeling guilty, terrified, and scared of it all and a timid Betty enters the room and when he makes an advance she moves, when he makes an advance and she follows it but stop when she sees that he isn't doing anything anymore, she studies him and asks him what's wrong.

Even when Betty is terrified, reliving a trauma, she caters to him and his emotional needs. Armando finally confesses that he can't do that(I'll explain I promise!), when Betty asks if it's because of Marcela, he again confesses that it's because of her[Betty] and this shatters her but she understands and she again places his feelings and his needs before her own.

Betty has been cautious, sober or drunk. She has asked for consent, she has read his body language, she has waited for him to reciprocate it. Up until this point, Armando had given her the green light. When she was doubtful, apologized, and pulled away, he told her otherwise.

However now things have changed. Again Betty asked for consent and this time he didn't give it. However unlike all the other ones, Betty doesn't pressure nor try to convince him otherwise. This time the woman he was going to spend the night with tells him that she understands him, that he doesn't owe her an explanation, that he isn't obligated to do that just because she loves him.

This time Armando's no is being respected and this holds a huge significance in what is to come next.

As he hears Betty's expression of remorse, her shame and guilt over her behavior towards him, he is once again grabbed by the cheeks and forced to face his feelings for Betty.

When he repeated that he couldn't do that to Betty we have to look at the context of that. Unlike when he spoke to Mario at the office and outside of his car at the club Mario told him to take a pill, something to physically make him capable of doing it but Armando clarifies that he didn't mean that, he meant he wasn't going to do that to her.

That he wasn't going to be her first time under the guise of love when he wasn't even aware that he had those feelings for her.

Finally Armando pulls his head out of his an*se. and starts to think about Betty and how it could impact her because he is capable to physically do this. He sits on the corner of the mattress taking in deep breaths, mentally preparing himself to think of AA to be able to do this but when it comes down to it, when he is now faced with timid and sweet Betty, he no longer can.

When he is faced with an emotional Betty that is being vulnerable, sharing her spirit with him, he is faced with the reality of his feelings.

What is love?

Love is an emotion we all feel to certain degrees. There is familia love, platonic love and romantic love.

Above all that however love has qualities that allow us to pinpoint what we are feeling and if it's healthy.

Love is kind, respectful, honest, loyal, faithful, humble, peaceful it is not possessive nor jealous and it does not hold record of wrong doing. Love is forgiving and love is selfless.

Betty truthfully loves Armando.

However, Armando is still figuring this out but in this scene, while Betty cries and tries to hold herself together, Armando shows to be kind, honest, peaceful, forgiving and selfless.

Armando has the exact same expression he has when Betty is letting him in, when she's giving her all, showing her heart and being to him with simple words of confessions. He is always deeply impacted by what she is saying. When Betty says that she aspired too much he looks away from her because the guilt is now killing him. He is seeing how what he has done has affected Betty and his fear of hurting her sets in because now what Betty feels, he feels too.

"it's just too much to just expect that you desire me as well." his expression here is pained, it hurts him to hear this from her.

He replies to her "You're misinterpreting what I just said."

What exactly is she misinterpreting?

He said that he couldn't have relations with her because of her. For Betty, who has once been with a coward, who has been made the laughing stock of Eco Moda, her neighborhood, and schools, there's only one reason why, she's ugly and no man would ever desire her.

So what does Armando mean here? Because his tone of voice, his behavior is very natural.

Armando couldn't sleep with Betty under deceit. He couldn't sleep with her by pretending she's somebody else and he couldn't sleep with her for the sake of everyone else that he's doing it for(the company and his ego). Armando couldn't be Betty's "first" if it meant he wasn't being honest but as he sits there and listens to her his heart is moved and it isn't for sympathy, empathy, obligation, or pity that he stands up to tell her the he does want to be with her, that he does desire her, it is for love.

This is where that emotional attraction I keep pointing out comes into play. Once again, when Armando is fully charged on emotion with Betty he is ready to go.

"Just because I love you." He is fully concentrated in every word Betty is saying and the meaning of it and the fact that under deceit he has gotten Betty(We know she's loved him since before but he doesn't) to fall in love with him makes him angry at himself(he clenches his jaw showing anger or frustration.).

But how are we so sure Armando is being honest in this scene with Betty?

For one Armando can't bare to make eye contact with Betty when he's lying to her or feeling guilty. When he is being manipulative his voice sound distant from emotion, rehearsed, unnatural, and cocky. This time it isn't like that at all. He stares, makes eye contact and his voice is sweet, tender one could say, full of emotion, natural, and desperate to comfort her.

So in conclusion this night is very meaningful for the both of them. For Betty this is the first time since Miguel that she is giving all of herself despite her trauma. It is the first time she is trusting somebody else and welcoming them into her intimate space. However for Armando this night is also very meaningful because it's the first time that someone respects his boundaries and doesn't demand for excuses or reasons. Its the first time someone apologizes to him for crossing the line, the first time someone considers him in the relationship, add that to the fact that he was already deeply moved and affected by the way Betty is treated and how it makes her feel and you've got yourself a man that for the first time ever is in love and he isn't only going in for the mechanics of it all but to make Betty feel his love, to give himself to her, to show to her that she is important, she is desirable, she is his love.

However when all is said and done, Armando is left confused with everything because an otherwise emotionally "controlled" man who has been denying and ignoring his feelings towards Betty has finally let his guard down and he has crashed into the abyss of his feelings that finally came to light.

Was Armando in love before? No.

Up until this night Armando wasn't in love but in the heat of the moment with emotions riled up inside of him, he fell in love.

How do we know he didn't lie or manipulate Betty?

Because when we finally see their scene after they fornicated(I am really immature and that makes me laugh) Armando is sleeping like nothing, homie fell asleep like he just had the best time of his life and was ready to hit the hay but we've been told that Armando hasn't been sleeping and shown scenes of him tossing in bed but this time he is sound asleep.

Now, again, this is the first time that both his physical and emotional needs were met at the same time so of course it's an important night.

Betty is left more in love than ever, more enamored, hallucinated than before and when she exits the bathroom we see a cold man who at seeing Betty softens.

Homegirl gave mans a five star rating in her yelp review.

When she hugs him he looks confused but also savoring the moment.

As they walk towards the reception desk Armando no longer looks stressed out. In fact he walks with Betty at her pace, holding her hand and checks out without whispering and behaving casual and normal.

When they're in his car and she leans her head on his shoulder, he asks what she's doing and she says "I want to keep dreaming." and he looks pained by this because Armando has had conversations with himself about his feelings and the ending of their relationship because he knows he will never end his relationship with Marcela.

Finally the drop off scene.

While Betty is asleep on his shoulder, Armando stares at her sleeping and gently wakes her up.

"Thank you so much for everything. It was the best birthday of my life." She smiles at him.

He swallows his guilt and tells Betty that she has no idea how happy that makes him.

"Beyond the best birthday of my life, it's been the best night of my life and though I know this is just another night, that you've had other nights with so many women(girl nice way of calling him a whore, I approve) -"

"No." He states. "No. this night was very special, very, very special."

"Of course." Betty picks up her head. "Because you've never been with a woman like me." She laughs but Armando stares are her serious.

"No Betty, No. This night was very special and you won't ever imagine how special it was. See, lets talk tomorrow, alright?" He smiles at her. Betty's demeanor shows us that she believes what he said to her.

"And will you go to Ms. Marcela's apartment now?"

"No." He says quickly. "No. I'm going to stay at my apartment." Betty nods slightly and moves to exit his car when he stops her. "Betty see I need to ask you a question, I don't know, I've got stuck inside of me, and it's best that I ask it now."

"Ask me." She nods.

"What happened tonight, what we did you and I...truth be told...I-I always thought that it be your first time ever. I would have never thought that you'd made love in the past."

Betty swallows hard and asks him: "and does that affect you? Does it change your image of me? Sir, will you stop loving me?"

"No, no, no. It was imply curiosity, Betty. Beatriz, who were you with before[me]?" Betty looks away from him and swallows hard. "There was another man in your life, right?" he seems a bit jealous here. Betty nods.

"Yes, Sir...there was someone...I had a relationship before[you]."

"Nicolas Mora?" he asks mad.

"No." He looks away, relieved. "another person but I don't like talking about that."

"No I don't want to make you uncomfortable either so lets no talk about it anymore. You know.. go in and rest a bit. We'll see each other at the office, alright?" Betty nods and they both lean in for a goodnight kiss.

Armando asks himself what he did as Betty walks across his car to get to her house and he watches her until she enters her house and turns on his car to leave. Unlike before that he turned on his car as Betty walked to the door and drove off as she entered her house, this time he waits for her to go in to turn on his car and this small details is so important!

It is currently 10 am where I'm at and I have been writing this post since 11 pm last night so forgive me for my typos, which I'm sure there is more than the usual but by this point it's my signature.

'Til next time! :)

[EDIT:

I just wanted to also point out how relaxed Armando is when he shows up to his apartment that he starts to play with his dog(yet another victim of this show WHY DON'T WE GET MORE DOG SCENES, WHAT HAPPENS TO HIS DOG?) and for a brief moment is deep in thought while we hear Betty's monologue, as if they're sharing the same thoughts.

Then Armando walks into his room and his actual girlfriend is waiting for him, he rolls eyes and this is the first time that not even her seggsual manipulation works on him.

Marcela asks the same questions Betty asked him "Does it bother you? Does it make you uncomfortable?" but unlike Betty who was truly concerned for him, Marcela does it to control him.

They argued but by the end of it when Armando tells her he is perfectly fine and just wants to wash up and go to bed Marcela goes to kiss him, telling him that she wants him(and unlike when Betty said this, that he told her he did too, this time Armando doesn't even interact with Marcela) but unlike before, when he'd at least give in a little, well at least to the degree that Marcela thought it was okay for her to continue, this time Armando just stares at her with a serious face.

"What's wrong with you? What? You don't want to be with me? Want me to leave?" She asks angrily. Armando once more, with a dead serious expression tells her:

"I'm tired." He says and purses his lips while he stares at her.

"That's never been an impediment in the past."

"Well tonight it is." He says.

He tells her not to worry, that tomorrow will be another day and the last part sounds like he is telling that to himself. As well his rejection to her is not only because he made love to Betty, with Betty, but because he also told her that that night he wasn't going to be with Marcela, in other words, he wasn't going to get rid of her trace.

I do feel bad for Marcela in this scene but not enough.

Okay I'm sleepy bye. ]

[aquariusshadow]

Hope Mikaelson: Grief and Criticism on the Writers

TW//Grief

Alright. I feel like I really need to preface this with three very important points.

1) I have a very personal connection to grief and it's still incredibly recent and that grief has it's own level of trauma associated to it. No more details are necessary.

2) By no means am I claiming my experience with it is the same as anyone else’s or worse, or better. It is morally unethical to police anyone else’s experience with grief. That is not at all the goal of this post.

3) I am simply using my own understanding of grief to understand Hope's character and apply criticisms and defenses where I think they deserve.

--

First of all. Hope's actions this past episode need to be called out. They cannot be excused with a slap on the wrist and if next weeks episode glosses over her actions then there’s a problem. Hope willing let Lizzie and Josie nearly die (and herself) to save Landon is really screwed up and how she got Josie to try and help her was a bit questionable as well--which I’ll get to later. But, something I can do is try and understand what the attempt is for Hope's mentality when it comes to Landon.

I've been seeing a few posts saying Hope is irredeemable and butchered. And...well, I partially disagree.

The reason I say 'partially' is because I think the writers can easily take Hope in the direction where she can be irredeemable. And, given how shitty the writers have been going about characterization and storylines, I say that the concern has strong logistical basis (and it's a concern I have myself).

But here's where I respectfully, 50% disagree.

Something about Hope's character I think has been consistent enough is her grief. I think people need to keep in mind about grief is that its not a straight line. It crops up in ways that you wouldn't even imagine or recognize. It's overwhelming and blinding and there's a desire to numb it with something strong enough to overcome it if it's not dealt with properly.

To me: that's what Landon is to Hope. Blinding emotion Hope clings to in an attempt to either numb or push down the hurt she feels.

I would like to think Landon could be the key for her accepting her grief and moving on and Landon could represent hope for new life in the future, but there has been no hint of that in the recent episodes.

This is evident in some of the biggest criticisms of Handon. Landon is the one that always needs saving. Hope wants Landon to be completely out of the way and not try and help her because the thought of her losing him is crippling and they don't have a proper heart to heart understanding to try and work through it together.

Especially since, she keeps watching Landon die. Over, and over, and over again.

To the girl who's biggest fear is loosing the people she loves because of what happened to her parents, Hope is continuously reliving her trauma multiple times with little to no guidance to overcome it.

So when you have episodes like the therapy box trying to get through to Hope that she needs to let go, work through her issues, etc, and she rejects it and there's instances in episodes after where she continues to regress and when characters, Lizzie, attempt to clue Hope in that her perception on Landon is a "blind spot" in a negative way, there’s a lot of cause for concern that Hope is at a point where she could be irrational when it comes to Landon.

Which is present in her actions this past episode. All criticisms against Hope are valid and I agree with most of them this from this episode. It was not okay for her to try and use Josie, who's overcoming her own issues from being Dark-Josie, to try and find Landon, and risking both her and Lizzie's lives when it was clear they were about to die. It's also a bit concerning she seems to ignore concerns about monsters coming back to the school, funded by Klaus, everyone's home, would be a very dangerous thing.

But because she's blinded by everything I stated above. I can see where her head is at even though there's concern.

Here is an area where I think Hope's characterization with her grief is either inconsistent...or proves my point that Hope might be a bit too irrational overall.

Hope Mikaelson s1 and s2 would not let Josie and Lizzie Saltzman die or get close to it. That has been proven time and time again. The Saltzman Twins are two people Hope cares so much about, the idea she would be willing to let them die for Landon is very confusing because...you would think the idea of loosing the Twins would also be completely devastating for her too and that would also be something that plagues her mind (hell MG, Kaleb, Alaric, etc at least on some level). Furthermore, we had an episode in season 2 where Hope actively chose to save Lizzie and Josie, over Landon.

Overall, my point that I will end this on. If this is handled properly, this could potentially be the peak to Hope's grief arc overall when it comes to Landon and everything else. Even though I said Hope's actions need to be called out, that doesn't mean I'm flat out angry with her portrayal in the previous episode. Honestly, I'm watching a girl who's in a long term battle with grief and the writers don't seem to know how to get her out of the intense areas that are contributing to her "Landon Obession" etc and have her grow into herself outside of Landon. Aka...the writers seem to be completely out of their element when it comes to this subject, which isn’t surprising.

Hope's arc this season being only about Landon is poor writing, but, there's substance present that I would like to think is underlying the fact that there is more going on than just Landon even if the writers are shit at showing it.

Hope’s pain is not an excuse to make decisions that actively hurt other people. But her grief does allow for an insight onto what I THINK the attempted goal is for her character.

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

Good morning/night/afternoon/evening/day/time hello!

So after seeing how many friends mc have, like wait let me count-----

26! in the friendlist not including, the unofficial friend like Corey,...

With how many friends there are, are there any friends that you would delete in favor of flashing out the other characters or would you like to keep it that way?

I have some ideas on who to delete in favor of flashing out the more main characters, but i fear that this might be a bit... yikess.. I understand that people like this characters and me saying that they "should not exist" might get people mad, i hope this does not give you to much problem.

1. Tulip to Penny ( thks one is still debateable)

I know we have too much Penny especially at year 5/6, sidequest and all tht, but I feel like Tulip doesn't have to exist because her existance can be taken by Penny which flashes her character more.

Hear me out, Tulip is great. But after year 3 or maybe 4 her existence is uneeded anymore. In year 3 we can instead use Penny, Penny is a popular person with many friends. It wouldn't be out of character for her to try to understand Merula maybe try to befriend her ( i mean she did befriended Talbot, who isn't exactly the nicest or the most approachable ) but later, on something happend and now there is more substance in Penny hating on Merula rather than yeah, she such a bully or smth.

2. Barnaby to Ben

Ben is really untouched at the early years ( 1 to 3) I feel like the whole ark of Barnaby can be dealt with Ben. Like imagine Ben was Merulas lab dog, but because of Jacob's sibling kindness and all that, he finally have the courage to stand up to Merula proving his Gryffindor side. This could also explain Rowan sudden suspicions of Ben in Year 4, (its quite mean of Rowan tbh) I mean like after year 3 aside from the dating tlsq, Barnaby doesnt really do much does he? I mean you can argue that he have some influence on the last curse vaults but nah-

3. Badeea Ali to Rowan

Simple, we need more Rowan! I think the thing Badeea did in year 5 can easily be done with Rowan, i mean she just disappears later on anyways.

4. Instead of Bea, Rowan should be in the potrait.

5. Talbot as Ben? I'm not so sure about this one but yeah, they could put aside Talbot so we can flash out Ben. The flying solo quest can be switch into Ben losing his Bear again but we get more background to what the Bear meant to him ( maybe about his muggle life?? ) the tlsq could be at around year 5 or 6 to help Jacob's Sibling understand more about whats going through Ben's mind.

6. Diego = Ben

Ben is told to be good at charms we never really get to see it until around year 4 with the red cloak shenanigans. I would like to see JC explore more of his charms ability by teaching mc.

Anyways im not here to bash on your favorite characters im just saying that a lot of the characters are wasted pottential. To much characters can kill a story, rather than adding more characters jc should focus on the current one.

Sadly, they never did

Year0 Rowan

Year 1 Ben, Penny, Merula, (Chiara)

Year 2 Bill, (Chiara)

Year 3 Barnaby, Ismelda, Tulip, Andre Tonks, Talbott. Year 3 is definitely the worse case of it.

Year 4 Charlie

Year 5 Bea, Jae, Badeea, Liz, Diego

Year 6 Alanza

Year 7 Corey

The problem is, the more jc adds the characters the more they just stack up in the background, clogging the story. Imagine the characters as dept and the currency is good writing.

Anyways love your content, keep it up!

Personally, I couldn't begin to imagine doing this.

Not that I'm saying it's a heartless idea, mind you. I've worked with this line of thinking before. I work in children's theatre, and when we adapt scripts for different sized casts, we have to often cut characters or absorb them into others. So this isn't unheard of, and I get it. Still, having grown emotionally attached to each and every one of these little misfits, and feeling like they all have potential in different ways...cutting them is not what I would do at this stage. I believe the TLSQ system should be completely overhauled, and in doing so, used to give screen-time to characters that don't always get a lot. Imagine if each character had a TLSQ that starred them at maybe LV 5, and then a sequel quest at LV 10. Might seem excessive, like too many quests...but again, this goes back to the idea of a revamp. Allow players to hit pause, and put a TLSQ on a "waiting list" so to speak. Allow them to reroll so they can skip one if they want to for whatever reason. Stop having TLSQs disappear forever if they're failed twice.

As far as your first suggestion...I realize that my status as a Tulip fan might be affecting my reaction, but absolutely not. I have no issue with Penny, but if it comes down to omitting one of these two...well, Penny does come with Beatrice, and that whole emotional arc during Years 5 and 6. But I'm not sure if keeping that is worth losing Tulip. Because her storyline with Merula is quite compelling, and it adds to the backstory of one of the mainstay characters. Plus...Tulip is kind of way more interesting than Penny, if I'm being honest. Actually, if I was to have anyone be "absorbed" into anyone else...I feel like Tulip could have easily been the "detention" character in Year 5? And that would have been a way to keep her relevant? Again though, I love Jae so much that I couldn't imagine doing this. But it's one example of how this idea could be done give more focus to fewer characters. You know who could be absorbed into Penny, though? Andre. Just, so long as we're actually thinking about this.

Barnaby is a character who sadly has not done much since his arc ended in Year 3, you're right about that. However, I feel like Ben is just too complicated and too tied to the main story for him to be shuffled with anyone. We still have unanswered questions about the gaps in his memory from Year 2. Did he cross paths with R? With Merula? Then there is the question of his time as the Red Cloak in Year 4. His transformation into "New" Ben, after going into the Portrait Vault with MC. I suppose these things could be transferred over to Barnaby, but that would leave the Year 2 stuff up in the air. And as for transferring it the opposite way, cutting Barnaby to give Ben more prominence...I mean, it could be done, but Ben already has plenty, if you ask me. And I don't see him being able to take on the role of Merula's lapdog, given their history from Year 1.

I'll never say no to getting more of Rowan, and this is something I could actually see working. The idea of Badeea being absorbed into Rowan and that screen time being given to them. I love Badeea, but it's definitely tempting. By in large, the Year 5 characters did feel at least a little gimmicky. They're all wonderful, but the fact that there were four of them, one for each House, and they all had a specific interest that was central to their character? The fact that all things considered, they didn't really matter to the story apart from perhaps Jae? Yeah, I would never want to lose any of them, but I can see why that might work. As for Rowan taking the place of Beatrice...well, that's an idea. For sure. It could give MC the same kind of immediate emotional context. Allow Rowan to be heavily relevant without them actually needing to have any lines. But their entire character would have to shift after that point. If they're absorbing Beatrice' character arc...I mean, the Forbidden Forest comes to mind. Does that still happen? Does Rowan's personality change? What becomes of them after Year 5?

I still believe Ben is doing just fine in terms of his relevance, but I'll admit there's definitely something to the idea of Diego being absorbed into him. And I've grown to truly like Diego. Ben having talent at dueling could show how far he's come. If they depicted it prior to the end of Year 4, it could be foreshadowing of him being the Red Cloak. If he still helps MC prepare to challenge Rakepick in Year 5, it could play into his fear of her. And I like what you're doing with the idea of Talbott being absorbed into Ben....but no, I can't endorse that one. It's just not needed for Ben's story, and Talbott is already so fascinating on his own. I dig the Ravenclaw representation, I dig the Animagus representation.

Either way, it's an interesting topic to think about. Not to worry, I don't take offense at all. I get that people have different opinions and there are certainly valid critiques of this game's writing. I still enjoy it though, and I think the characters are the strongest suit. Their placement in the game, perhaps not quite so much. But it's because of this that I wish for all of them to be handled better, without having to lose any of them. Thank you for the kind words and I hope to hear from you again!

[writing-prompts-for-friends]

Notes on Robert McKee’s Story 34: Exposition—Show, Don't Tell

I know, we've all heard this 3000 times and I bet you're ready to skim right past this post. But McKee gives us solid advice on how to write good exposition, so stick around!

The famous axiom “Show, don’t tell” is the key. Never force words into a character’s mouth to tell the audience about world, history, or person. Rather, show us honest, natural scenes in which human beings talk and behave in honest, natural ways… yet at the same time indirectly pass along the necessary facts. In other words, dramatize exposition.

Dramatized exposition serves two ends: Its primary purpose is to further the immediate conflict. Its secondary purpose is to convey information. The anxious novice reverses that order, putting expositional duty ahead of dramatic necessity.

Bad Example of Exposition: Jack says, “Harry, how the hell long have we known one another? What? About twenty years, huh? Ever since we were at college together. That’s a long time, isn’t it, Harry? Well, how the hell are ya this morning?” Those lines have no purpose except to tell the eavesdropping audience that Jack and Harry are friends, went to school together twenty years ago, and they haven’t had lunch yet—a deadly beat of unnatural behavior. No one ever tells someone something they both already know unless saying the obvious fills another and compelling need. Therefore, if this information is needed, the writer must create a motivation for the dialogue that’s greater than the facts.

Good Example of Exposition: Jack, reacting to Harry’s stifled yawn and bloodshot eyes, says, “Harry, look at you. The same hippie haircut, still stoned by noon, the same juvenile stunts that got you kicked out of school twenty years ago. Are you ever gonna wake up and smell the coffee?” The audience’s eye jumps across the screen to see Harry’s reaction and indirectly hears “twenty years” and “school.”

What makes one example good and one bad? In the first example, that dialogue is downright unnatural. No one talks about something both people already know unless it it fulfills some other important need, which certainly wasn't present in that example. 

And what makes example two good? McKee gives us a cool mnemonic: "Convert exposition into ammunition." Your characters know their world, their history, each other, and themselves. Let them use what they know as ammunition in their struggle to get what they want. Look at how Jack uses that information about Jack like bullets. They are sharp, piercing, they tell us the details we need to know about who Jack is and how long Harry has known each other--and they don't put us to sleep.

Sometimes, when a writer lacks confidence, they try to get all of their exposition out of the way at first. Teachers and those who have studied educational practices may be familiar with the term "frontloading," which is where the teacher gives their students all the information they will need before the lesson begins. My biology teacher started each lesson off with a list of vocabulary words that would be used in that day's material, for example. Frontloading sometimes has valid applications in the classroom. 

But in a book? Almost never is it appropriate. Your readers will be falling asleep just like those students.

Instead, parse out exposition bit by bit, giving readers what they need to know when they need to know. Never sooner, never later. 

Never include anything the audience can reasonably and easily assume has happened. Never pass on exposition unless the missing fact would cause confusion. You do not keep the audience’s interest by giving it information, but by withholding information, except that which is absolutely necessary for comprehension.

And what order should you relay in the information in? Exposition must have a progressive pattern, so the order should be this:

The least important facts

the next most important

the critical facts last

And what are critical facts? Secrets. The painful truths characters do not want known.

It's a common trend to write scenes in which two characters who hardly know each other sit down and immediately begin an intimate discussion of the deep, dark secrets of their lives. These unguardedly honest and painful confessions between people who have just met and are forced and false. Have you ever had a stranger overshare with you? For reasons I have yet to figure out, I'm somewhat of a magnet for people who need someone to listen. People telling me about spousal issues, serious medical diagnoses, financial woes--and I don't even know their name! Absolute strangers. It feels unnatural, awkward, and often times the person who is giving me all of this information is only doing so because they are not seeing a professional. So if you are aiming for realism in your work, perhaps avoid this method of exposition.

"A certain breed of West Coaster carries around prepared deep dark secrets to share with one another at cocktail parties to validate themselves one to the other as authentic Californians—”centered”—and “in touch with their inner beings.” When I’m standing over the tortilla dip at such parties and somebody tells me about dog shit in his Keds as a child, my thought is: “Wow! If that’s the prepared deep dark secret he tells people over the guacamole, what’s the real stuff?” For there’s always something else. Whatever is said hides what cannot be said."

The wise writer, therefore, obeys the first principle of temporal art: Save the best for last. If we reveal too much too soon, the audience will see the climaxes coming long before they arrive.

"Reveal only that exposition the audience absolutely needs and wants to know and no more."

On the other hand, since the writer controls the telling, he controls the need and desire to know. If at a certain point in the telling, a piece of exposition must be known or the audience won’t be able to follow, create the desire to know by arousing curiosity. Put the question “Why?” in the reader’s mind. “Why is this character behaving this way? Why doesn’t this or that happen? Why?” With a hunger for information, even the most complicated set of dramatized facts will pass smoothly into understanding.

Source: McKee, Robert. Story: Substance, Structure, Style, and the Principles of Screenwriting. York: Methuen, 1998. Print

[whaq]

Fuck You, Animu (1/4)

A dumbass’ war of heart and mind A few months ago, I hit a creative block. Despite considering myself a jack of many mediums, I couldn’t for the life of me bring myself to make--well... anything. While I do have a Google Keep of creative ideas I’ve come up with over the years, I was unable to find the drive (pun shoehorned) to get started on any of them. This sent me into a bit of a spiral. A lot of creatives probably empathize: you find yourself lacking the motivation to create so it starts to negatively affect your self-worth, which is tied to your ability to make things, and this lack of confidence compels you to just succumb to melancholy, finding yourself the victim of a self-fulfilling prophecy to become a slacker because you think you already ARE one.

I was a couple months into this when a buddy of mine hit me up asking if I heard about a call for local anime reviewers. At that moment, it almost felt like divine intervention from God, who I only ever felt in the burning sensation radiating through me whenever I was within 10 feet of a church. An anime news site, let’s call em Animu, with a relatively large following, was searching for writers who would join their staff to review anime being released in the winter season with a salary to boot. As an avid anime fan myself, who just so happened to have honed his critiquing skills over years of media consumption {that has since ruined my viewing experience for the foreseeable future (I legitimately suck the joy out of every piece of media I consume now)}, I saw this as my opportunity to be able to use my skills for some form of monetary gain; which was always a concern of mine throughout my life. Growing up, I was never really good at anything that could easily become a profession later in life. I was too awful at biology to become a doctor, not smart enough at maths to be the next Pythagoras, nor was I athletic enough to shoot a basketball, let alone make it in the NBA. I was good at talking in, and understanding, English... and that was it. At the time, I didn’t realize I had a knack for writing and oration, but even once I did, I found that the trajectory towards being a professional for either of those fields wasn’t so simple. Most people still have the childish idea that “Oh, writers write books and speakers do… speaking things!” but it waters down such a wide yet closed off section of the professional world. Writing alone has so many different specializations: journalism, screenwriting, book authoring, all such niches that don’t have as established a path as scoring high on the Bar exam or being scouted on varsity; it’s difficult to find a place in this world with that skill set, a fear that a majority of creatives have. So I needed some form of validation, an instance of acceptance that’ll allow me to finally believe that my work is worth something and, most importantly, enjoyed by someone. So I started working on my application for Animu by selecting three different series that I was interested in tackling: Re:Zero, Cells at Work, and Kaguya-Sama: Love is War. Starting from zero The posts after this contain these reviews in the state I submitted to Animu. I spent about a month working on these. Re:Zero’s review was close to my usual style of critique, which focuses on the technical aspects and their execution as well as commentary on any relevant subtext, minus the subtext. I wanted to seem as professional as possible with the first one and tried to keep to the proposed 1200 word word limit. With Cells At Work, however, I tried to have a bit of fun. There were many rumblings around the community about the series’ cancer episode which I was eager to capitalize on. That said, upon rewatching the episode, I came across some potentially problematic scenarios that could’ve been blown out of proportion by some headline-chasing media outlet; so that’s exactly what I did. No, I wouldn’t in my right mind compare chibified blood cells to Nazi sympathizers (then again, I’m never in my right mind). Lastly, was Kaguya-Sama, which became my favorite anime of the past couple years. This series was the first anime that got me to actively follow the source material as it hit two of my most identifying traits, being a cinephile and humor academic, as well as a side I’m slightly embarrassed by, my interest in romantic comedies. I wanted to attempt a review that was just hype-hype-hype as it was what the series sparked within me. Oh, and you SHOULD read Kaguya-Sama. Bleeding out After a modicum of proofreading, as well as some peer review from my closest confidants, I sent over my application and I waited. As my heart raced on the day of the announcement, my name was nowhere to be found. To add insult to injury, I was informed that I scored absolutely horribly by Animu’s criteria, my highest grade being one that’d flunk in the most forgiving of schools. While you’d expect me to be crestfallen, I was actually ecstatic to know that the community I’ve been a part of, a local one no less, had people with an even larger passion and greater skills than even I. As someone who went through childhood being made fun of for my interests that have somehow developed into geek chic and gone mainstream (something that, contrary to most of the community, I’m happy to see), I was glad to see how much people like me had developed from waifu worshipping weaboos to outstandingly ornate otaku. Hell, I was content to have made some content. I was looking forward to seeing the fruits of labor from those who were more deserving than me. So imagine my surprise when what I found posted a month later was absolute garbage. I’m not going to get into detail, seeing as said details could lead to someone getting doxxed just because they didn’t meet MY oh so high standards (/s), but what I will say was that the quality of the content indicated something more telling about the whole ordeal. I have taken part in two completely different student publications in my time, and I can say with utmost certainty that THE GRADE SCHOOLERS I MENTORED WROTE BETTER, AND THEY WEREN’T EVEN PAID. Still, it was nice to know I still had it in me to make something of substance. And on this commemorative day, I open up my blog by making public my entries for all to ridicule. As much as I talked down the winning entries, I don’t believe mine were perfect. Like most of my work, it’s rushed and rambly, full of tangents and misnomers. But, it’s very me, and I’m quite happy to see something from me see the light of day.

I hope you find some amusement in my bemusement.

p.s. Yes, the headers are attempts at relating to the three shows p.p.s.s. Yes, they’re BAD attempts at relating to the three shows

[incarnateirony]

In what season and episode did you realised that Destiel went from subtext to actual text?

Difficult question really. I don’t exactly have a magic switch of some weird personal set goalpost I have, and frankly, wasn’t even really a shipper, just defended shippers, until... 13.5/6. I think I started slipping after 12.19 because I’m not a moron, I don’t live under a rock, I have eyes and know what the fuck a mixtape means to Gen X. But I kept it at arms reach because even Carver era was so totally subtextual-- atop all the stuff that got cut S10 after the S9 blowout, I didn’t exactly want to invest myself as much as point out shippers weren’t crazy for seeing what they saw, especially S8/9+ and even prior the resonance of the hero’s journey over our entire human civilization and historical othering of queerness made earlier readings or notices of it completely fair even if not really like, directional by the crew?

But to begin, Carver era was when I saw /intentful and meritful construction of the body of text, via subtext, to subtextually tell a story with classic queer coding./ Because a lot of what this fandom calls queer coding makes me want to hide my face behind a quantum hole of facepalms and is often like, pretty much the reverse of what should be advocated or considered. All those retro old “he’s been written as queer from S1″ make me want to kick puppies or something because oh my god it’s Not Good, most of the content there is Very Bad And Hugely Problematic, and it’s an attempt to retroactively prove what old canon was doing without any substance.

Carver era was the shift to substance, but silent substance. Subtext that’s genuinely thematically scaffolded into the storyline in a way that while the events themselves were largely cued on subtext, consideration of that subtext was critical to understanding the full body of text and people that refused to grow into and adapt with that text as the tone shifted are the ones that got more and more confused and angry.

Dabb era was the threshold crossing into (often low-visibility) text. Fandom intentionally arguing points that require complete removal from social structures (which is everything from regional meanings of major symbols, social codes, language, or why-letters-mean-things) doesn’t mean shit doesn’t mean what it means. A mixtape isn’t subtext any more than getting on one knee and popping open a box is subtext even if they don’t verbalize the words. We know what these fucking things mean and anyone who doesn’t is in DESPERATE need of going outside and experiencing the real world before making any kind of social commentary on a body of text.

When it comes to dialogue text, Last Call is where Bi Dean or at least Queer Umbrella Dean was textualized. Again, it doesn’t matter if people don’t understand the long argued history that was put to bed about repeat sexual encounters with men, it doesn’t matter what the gender of the other triplets were, literally none of that matters. It doesn’t matter if the person understands it. It doesn’t matter if they know their queer culture enough to know their arguments were already buried. It is what it is.

There’s this disillusionment that unspoken physicalized shit like kissing or sex, or verbalized ones like “I love you,” but “I love you, in a gay way, specifically and only you, and want to be romantic with you” because every other statement of the like so far has people crying or arguing about it as not enough either. 

These things are nice, but it is not the only way to deliver a textual romance. These are things we want and deserve, and people aren’t wrong for wanting them, the only wrong comes in deleting other text because it isn’t the style of text they want. 100% unhelpful.

Text in AV is complex. No matter how decontextualized people try to pretend this all is, throwing pasta at the wall and calling it an argument worth validating, AV media study doesn’t just incorporate social codes on shit like dialogue -- though anyone that applies those social codes wouldn’t be arguing anyway, as per my old post on that -- but visual language and TV literacy are a long studied topic and are just as relevant as understanding of textual/verbal language and having textual literacy. People trying to eschew these in the interest of favoring fanspaces to try to keep them equal within the canon, which is NOT what fandom space equality is supposed to be about, is just... lol. 

When that soap opera reporter that doesn’t even watch the show wandered in commenting on the full mise en scene of the 15.03 breakup being classical “Dark Point in the Romance” framing, that’s not subtext. In a book, characters aren’t running around on a blank canvas. Their environments are the text. 

What people may draw symbolically out of an environment varies, and if someone’s /interpretation/ holds up, that’s fine. But being able to digest the entire presentation of a work, that is to say, to read an entire scene in a book and understand their setting and the relevance of that setting is simply a form of text. And when literal fucking randos can spot classic cinematography, it’s time to consider what the full cinematic framework is telling you both in incremental minutiae of texts and in the full body of work.

So basically, I acknowledged lowkey text based on the most basic understanding of social codes, by 12.19, even if I was still kinda eyerolling about it. By 13.5/6, Castiel returned to Dean in something later echoed by Eileen for the zoom shot, but the rest of the arrangement was verbatim identical to the original ending of Swan Song with Lisa, with the only difference being “Never too late” wasn’t a verbal line, but an entire sound track they applied to highlight the scene.

Despite the Swan Song parallel ending reactives went up in arms about the fact that they weren’t having big romantic moments anymore and kinda failed to wrap braincases around the fact that the endgame reunion that was literally the ORIGINAL endgame shot, which ALSO didn’t include physicality (in fact, the text read, “this isn’t sexual at all. He’s a lost soul, and she’s his home” in the script for Lisa), and this dumbass fandom would go “SEE PROOF THAT MEANS THE TEXT MEANS IT WASNT SEXUAL AND HE JUST BECAME BEST FRIENDS THAT WAS HER BEDWARMER MAYBE SHE HAS COLD FEET AT NIGHT” and that’s not how this fucking WORKS. Common sense is NOT removed from fucking discussion and what sense is applied needs to be levelly-- again, social codes.

So at 13.5/6 I had considered it textually paramount to the original endgame arrangement. S14 was just... blatant ass domesticity. Dean got his happy ending. He had his family. He got his win, his everything. They spoke frequently in the kitchen -- only vaguely over cases, more slapping around idioms, eyerolling over barbarous eating, and occasionally discussing how to raise their son. In fact, if you look at non-research-non-casework S14 kitchen scenes I’m gonna let you sit there and map out what all those domestic moments in the heart of the kitchen was, minding 13.5/6. 

It was something gained. It was their life. And it was something to lose. 14.18 already advert framed it, we all saw it. Troubled family. People delete history of what is connected where to pretend “we” is vague or makes the romance any less of a canon piece and lmao guys 

And season 15 is their year long run where they’re spearheading a huge part of the plot and will be a critical final resolution.

Speaking of 13.5/6 and social codes, anyone remember that Jack hadn’t met Dave Mather and looked at one nonphysical picture of them and recognized “he’s her boyfriend”? SOCIAL CODES MEAN SHIT GUYS.

So there’s no magic moment. There’s S8/9 coding and subtext. There’s S12′s tape and other elements -- tape is just the easiest to nail down but several through the year tbh -- there’s S13′s Never Too Late, and all things that followed that in waterfall. There’s S14′s established domesticity with Castiel having essentially moved into the bunker, something that wasn’t even entirely established in S12 yet even if he was more frequent there than Carver era.

Without social codes, I could argue that “Dean loves pie” doesn’t actually mean he loves pie. In fact, I could argue those letters mean nothing, because basic social codes are what even give words meanings. Without them these are just squiggly lines on a screen. If I eschew social codes, I could take a “love me some pie” line from Dean and say it means he fornicates with children and make long convoluded excuses around it instead of the observable fucking fact that Dean fucking Winchester likes goddamn pie.

Waiting for your perfect personally dreamed magic moment for a landmark to call text generally disregards the full body of the text and merit of the work. The amount of time and effort this FUCKING shipping fandom has put into -- even Destiel shippers -- bashing down and calling blatant ass text subtext because it’s not the text they want -- just because they want to argue with people that threw the logic baby out with the destiel bathwater they thought was dirty -- it’s fucking embarrassing tbqh. Imagine if people’s competitive fandom BS was muted how anyone here would be addressing this body of text.

Like. “After Carver directed Misha to play Castiel as a jilted lover in season 9, Cain through S10 escalated it into Castiel as Colette, which was confirmed by both the author and actors, seating him as a lover, as Sam was Abel the brother; by season 11, pining and connected hearts becomes the driving theme of the show, repeatedly denounced both in text and showrunner commentary that it wasn’t Amara that was that romance, and instead, a different one rose; by season 12, domestic arguments were many, mixtapes were shared, coming into rooms and playing people for things secretly stashed under pillows were a hinging plot moment, by season 13 he was the Never Too Late Big Win as a far more powerful version of Lisa, by season 14 Castiel moved in, by season 15 their giant sacred marriage euchartist ceremonies on repeat are driving the entire body of the season while overtly making the straight pairing a secondary parallel to the primary Dean and Castiel pairing by 15.09 such as the AU scene, or the ending where they mimicked the same phrase, truncated by physicality. But anyone viewing this text is an adult not competing for their preferred fandom playbox to be considered in the text, and had eyeballs, saw Sam and Eileen were clearly courting, flirting, and/or romantically engaged for a long time before this.”

Can we hope for the equality in that, sure.  I want that, sure. That doesn’t erase all the other modes of text before that though. 

But there, I just addressed 4 consecutive seasons of storytelling as its stands in the critical themes, without breaking down the dozens of independent scenes themselves that have already been analyzed to death and yall have scorched in your eyeballs by now like angels have prophet names. 

I’ve seen people desperately, desperately try to reinterpret this text, or this story structure, in inconsistent ways that fall short. They’re never held accountable for their entire shit falling flat on their face, they just keep building new shit that falls on its face too and keep using it as a base. People can *interpret* ~text~ however they want. Anyone that tells you that “true text is inarguable” is either an idiot or selling you something for your subscription to their blog. Anyone CAN make any jackass interpretation of anything they want. 

So sure. You can make some nonsensical explanation around every core theme their relationship is shadowed by, removing all social codes and context from basic elements understood by adult human beings natively, whatever. You can take 200 pages writing around it and degaying it. Generally when I see this, I see unhinged, incomplete writings with no central thread, just a thousand disembodied excuses that don’t even make a story. They’re just that. Desperate excuses. Years of it at this point. And they’re free to /interpret the text like that/ if they want. But that’s their /interpretation/ of a /text/ and as-above generally in /intentional, willful, conscious denial and erasure of the basic social codes we all understand./

Just because they /can/ warp the most left field interpretation doesn’t make it not text. If I pulled an “I don’t know I can’t english suddenly” and threw those codes out the window that doesn’t mean that the shit doesn’t mean the shit it means just because it’s inconvenient to me lmao

And this isn’t necessarily at you, Nonnie, I just feel the need to expand on this because any single time I don’t nail down these conversational stakes, someone breezes through and intentionally hotboxes the conversation to go down these very predictable manipulations and extremizations of the conversation that I really am far too tired to repeat the arguments raging in my mentions again, so I head ‘em off before the shit ever reblogs.

[maiaphaelsource]

I was the anon who sent you the trans Raphael headcanons ask on your other blog, do you have any more? With some trans Maia thrown in too🥺 like Magnus being the best trans dad to his son and the love of his sons life and being supportive and loving. Raphael kissing Maia on the forehead and telling her how beautiful she is, you know? Cute shit like that

yes!!! hello!!! i hope you know i love you and you're my favorite person in the world!! thank you so much for this ask!

okay so i’ll begin with the specifics... magnus is absolutely THE trans dad to both of them. not only with practical stuff like offering to help them with glamours, magical transitioning, stuff like that, but just... being so supportive and understanding. he’s always there, and he has so many stories to share, so many people he’s met who had happy lives. he was there for stonewall, he’s met Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera, and it’s just so heartwarming for the both of them to talk to him about that, you know? that feeling of not being alone in history, of knowing that there are and were other people like you, that you’ve always existed.... it’s just great

also in maia’s case since she also lives a partially mundane life he just solves all her documentation problems like deadname? gone forever. no registers. you’re welcome. the first time maia sees her document with her name she almost cries and she throws herself in magnus’ arms and magnus is so touched and moved and shocked you know? like the gratitude and the affection and she’s just thanking him and he’s so moved and raphael just watches with a little smile in his face because he knows that magnus is moved by the display, even if he won’t say it. and maybe he tells magnus that later? like, “your kindness means more to others than you imagine,” and of course magnus isn’t important just because he’s kind but he’s used to not being recognized for his services (ahem especially by CERTAIN people) and it’s nice to see that being appreciated, you know?

plus, maia makes it a point to pay him and magnus is all like “i couldn’t possibly take payment for something like that. it’s the least you deserve” so instead maia teaches him her secret sangria recipe. magnus is super pleased but he also jokes that now he has one less excuse for inviting them over. and raphael goes, super seriously, “you never need an excuse” and magnus just melts 

raphael kissing her forehead! yes! tbh i think they both love forehead kisses (as well as hand kisses and shoulder kisses) and sometimes when she’s feeling dysphoric or upset for any reason she likes just... lying down on raphael’s chest and letting him pet her hair and kiss her forehead and tell her that it’s alright, bella, te quiero

and YES he just makes it a point to talk about how beautiful she is constantly and kiss down her whole body (not sexually of course, just sweetly?) and she giggles and it’s fun :’) sometimes things get to her, especially after jordan’s constant transphobic/racist rethoric, and it’s nice that raphael always makes it a point to tell her she’s beautiful and amazing and he loves her. and he always does it in such a matter of fact way, but also intense, you know? he has her close and he says shit like “you’re the most beautiful woman i’ve ever met” and she melts

as for general headcanons!

maia figured out she was trans relatively early in life, and it’s the reason she always knew she’d have to run away from her parents’ house. she was basically only planning until she had enough to be able to survive without them. but also, jordan and wanting to be able to “be with her already” rushed her out of home when she was finishing high school 

raphael and maia are absolutely willing to throw down for each other if someone’s transphobic and that’s that on that. someone being transphobic to raphael? fine, he can handle his own, he’ll end them with his words and do it with a pleasant smile. someone being transphobic to maia? they’ll be met with the usual cutting sarcasm until they back down. but if the other catches you doing that? you’ll be thrown against the wall and threatened/punched in the face so fast you won’t even know what the fuck happened 

a lot of baby trans downworlders start coming to them! they’re already an iconic couple for many reasons, what with being a werewolf/vampire couple, a black/latino couple (we need more black/latino couples okay! desperately! and black/native and native/latino too! i want more poc solidarity and romance!), and an iconique trans couple. people just feel comfortable going to them because they’ve brought so much change and are so accepting you know? 

it still surprises raphael, even after years on end, that so many people come to him for help with that. he never thought that he would be seen as the kind of person people can go to, and yet here he is. after being told for most of his life that he was cold/unfeeling/threatening/weird... it’s nice to be valued like that, to be seen as someone who can be soft and provide comfort and love, too

same goes for maia, who’s also used to be seen as agressive/violent for just defending herself and her people, and just generally reduced to being a “threat”. it’s nice to know that many, many people see her as someone they can look up to, and who they feel safe it

that is not to say obviously that they just love doing emotional labor for other people but like... having other trans downworlders, especially trans downworlders of color, come to them, feels nice. especially people who are trying to figure themselves out and approach them with so much hope and admiration in their eyes you know? the way they always come with a “sorry to bother, but..” ready in their lips and look at them like they are heroes... it’s really something

taki’s slowly becomes a place for trans downworlders to hang out, especially those who don’t enjoy clubs and stuff like pandemonium (which is totally a queer club as well bite me. including for mundanes. with taki’s that’s trickier of course since they have like, blood on their menu lmao but a few trans minors have hung out there and it was cool) for whatever reason. it’s just a cool queer-inclusive space for people who want to hang out, you know? and they love that

the first time maia saw raphael lose his cool was when a shadowhunter made a gross comment about how it’s lucky he didn’t want sex, so she wouldn’t have to deal with that. he almost tore their throat off

raphael just.... loves maia’s shoulders. she was a little self conscious of them, she always made a point to have them covered, but raphael just loves peppering kisses on her shoulders and making her chuckle 

magnus gives maia a bunch of fashion tips similar to the ones he gave raphael, just how to better protect herself and figure out how people are reading her gender and stuff like that, you know?

they do the thing where they show each other pre-transition pics (once they’re comfortable with that of course) just to hear each other be like “*outraged gasp* i don’t recognize you at all” and “oh, look how much happier you are now”, and my personal favorite, “i can’t see a boy/girl in there, i just can’t” (like personally whenever i see pictures of my partners/friends pre-transition i’m just like... i realize this is pre-transition and that you’ve changed a lot but also i’m unable to see an [assigned gender] in this photo). it’s all like “how did people not notice you were a girl? unbelievable” you know. just that sweet sweet trans couple validation ritual

together they have like. all the insufferable pun-happy sexualities (bi[romantic], pan, ace, trans) and you will be hit with those constantly in conversation if you’re a friend of them. raphael in particular greatly enjoys making those puns with the most blase, straight face as he looks straight into your eyes and watches as your soul slowly leaves your body. magnus is so proud and also afraid he created a monster

raphael is that bitch who’s like. “i heard that broccoli has a substance that’s similar to testosterone so i’m now eating 5 bowls of it” and maia wants to tear her hair out because it doesn’t work like that and he’s like “can’t hurt to try. also i’m finally able to eat let me have this” 

maia never got to like... celebrate those small transition moments because she was all alone and felt like she was transitioning in such a rush, you know? and raphael makes it a point to point out the small changes that are still going on with her body, to take her shopping and encourage her to be as giddy about it as she wants to, you know? and it’s nice and fun and he also gets to relive those small gender reaffirming moments and it’s really nice

maia is a huge against me fan!!! like not to project but it’s just... their songs are so great and relatable even when they’re not about being trans at all and laura jane grace’s voice is so beautiful and maia for sure absolutely loves punk, so like. it’s one of her fave bands for sure

she liked them since before laura came out and when she did it was like. oh. oh. so that’s why i always related so hard to her songs. it just... makes sense

while punk is not as much raphael’s style he likes true trans rebel, especially the acoustic version, where her voice just sounds mwaaahhh imo and he can listen to the recording for hours because her voice in there is just... sensorial heaven and maia feels all giddy that raphael genuinely loves a trans woman’s voice so much 

raphael always makes a point to say that he loves her voice just as much, too :)

they are just very trans and really love each other the end

[parachutingkitten]

Imma Rant About How Pixal Deserves Better (cuz what else is new)

I love Pixal. That’s no secret. But the writers need to make up their minds about if they want her to be a member of the core cast or not, cuz it’s driving me nuts. Now, this is not a ‘pixal needs to be a ninja!’ post, cuz no, she doesn’t. Her being samurai x is an awesome and coherent move story wise. Moving from samurai x to the water ninja was a natural transition for Nya (even if I personally didn’t like the execution that much, but whatever- that’s a rant for another time), but if they tried to do it for Pixal, it wouldn’t make any sense. This doesn’t mean I’m against Pixal having the potential for ice powers- I wrote a fic about her reaching her true potential for goodness sake- but that also isn’t what this is about. This is just a post about her being a member of the team, because the writers have been playing her with only one foot in the door for four seasons now, and it’s NOT working. 

Remember in season 1 and 2, when Nya was samurai x? Yeah, sometimes she would stay behind, but most of the time, she was going on the missions with them. She got to interact with all of the boys. When the ninja got captured, she got captured. When the Ninja went on a large scale mission, she went with them. Down. Out of the Bounty. She worked with the Ninja, beside them, not in a totally separate B plot with just Wu. Her role in the team was admittedly different, but it was still equal. But now, samurai x, as Pixal, is the designated ‘stay behind’ character. And it’s played like this big sacrificial move, and she does some cool things while the team is gone but the one big problem with it is THE TEAM ISN’T THERE TO SEE IT! So it doesn’t expand her standing within the team. It doesn’t give the satisfaction of a big heroic moment, because it’s a B plot! The one purely Pixal centered episode EVER was the one in season 11 where she fights the preeminent. Guess what? The only team member there is Wu, it’s a b-plot filler episode, and it’s never brought up again. 

And yeah, that’s the only Pixal focus episode in the whole series. She’s a side character in season 3, she’s non existent in seasons 4-7, season 8, her reveal episode is cluttered with baby Wu/Harumi drama, and she’s not even physically and mentally there until the last few seconds of the episode (that rewrite is on it’s way, promise), season 9 she’s drowned out by the EMs, season 10 she has half an episode to shine where, once again, she ‘stays behind’ in a b plot with 0 character growth, which leaves the one episode in season 11 where she is the true 100% focus, and even then... it’s ‘stay behind’ b plot filler. Pixal hasn’t even been given a decent character arc... ever! She has like 2 (and a half) arcs total in the whole series. Season 3′s ‘getting a heart and falling in love’ arc, Season 8′s ‘I am samurai x arc’ which they don’t even explore that well, and then arguably, if you really squint, season 4′s ‘becoming part of Zane’ arc, but even then, that’s pretty much discovered and wrapped up in one episode. Complain all you want about Cole not having his own full season, but at least he’s got himself several well written, entertaining, A-plot, multi season arcs. The ‘Holy crap I’m a ghost’ arc, the ‘frustration with my best friend’ arc, and the ‘I am a father now’ arc. Say what you want, but he’s a main character of the show, and one of the go-to characters the writers love to throw stuff at, with distinct relationships with his cast-mates. 

Pixal’s interactions with the team all feel so forced. Like the writers want to include her, but don’t know how to. Mainly cuz they don’t know how to write her when she’s not around Zane. Her scenes with Zane are drop dead adorable! And... I suppose her alone time with Wu was...okay. But it’s like when she’s not alone with Zane the writers forget who she even is. That season 11 episode? They play her weirdly innocently. I’m sorry, that’s not Pixal at all. It’s been established since season 3 that she’s our grounded, painfully realistic, sass robot. Where is this “does that mean you’re not mad at me?” stuff coming from? Thing is, later in the episode, she’s acting like herself. So... idk what happened in the middle there. But because they don’t know how to write her in the context of the team, most of the time she’s reduced to standing around in the background. Even in fight scenes. Why? WHY?! You obviously want to include her? How do you do that? Maybe, I don’t know, HAVE HER INTERACT?!

Seriously, this isn’t that hard to fix. You split up the team all the time. Just have her go on a mission with Jay. Or Cole. Or Nya. Or anyone other than Zane. Play it for laughs. Play it seriously. Play it for those sweet sweet wholesome vibes. Idk. Just have her do something! These characters have stuff to bond over! Jay has a fascination with Borg industries in general, that would be fun to play off of. Cole and Pixal both have a pretty DEEP untouched emotional baggage. Lloyd and Pixal both have this sort of “not part of the pilot cast, joined later and never really integrated 100%” vibe going for them. Kai and Pixal have beef! This could be one of the great Ninjago rivalries! Nya and Pixal can bond over samurai x, that’s a total gimme one! These characters have relationships ripe for building, but they just DON’T TALK TO EACH OTHER! 

Every main character. EVERY MAIN CHARACTER has at least one episode (but likely many more) dedicated to them, where they do something real cool, single handedly save the day or something, and the whole team comes and hugs them and says “wow, great job!” “You’re an important and valued member of our team!” “This is why you’re great!” and... I just want one of those for Pixal. Please. Pretty please. Just so she can have some validation. Just so that the main cast can acknowledge her existence. And as trivial as this one episode may seem, I think it’s really important. She needs her big ‘save the team’ episode. She never had a sort of “true potential” moment when she really proved herself, and I think that’s really what she needs. Think about how good the Royal Blacksmiths episode was for Cole. He spills about some of his baggage, each of the team members is forced to interact with it, and try to understand it, and in the end they all work together to help him get past this rough patch in his life, and he ends up looking like a boss and saving the day in the process (also note, probably the best group hug ever in Ninjago history). Now, you could argue that since she doesn’t have a element, her being samurai x could work to give her that episode. Great. Cool. That makes sense. But Pixal doesn’t have a “true potential” episode- she has a “reveal” episode, where the ninja have to fight her cuz she’s evil and she doesn’t end up saving the day, Nya does. You see why even though it’s technically “focused” on Pixal, it isn’t meaningful at all to her character?

Thing is, I wouldn’t even be that mad... if she were a Skylor type character. I like Skylor as much as the next chick, and say what you want about her screen time, but at least she has a defined role within this universe! If Pixal was Zane’s cool robot gf/ samurai x - secondary protector of the city - that popped up for a cameo once in a while and played a larger role in seasons that merited her, I would be fine with it! Borg isn’t a big character, but he gets appropriate screen time, some seasons more than others, and he still feels like a cared about piece of the canon! This would work pretty well for Pixal too! Would I like this better than her being an active part of the main team? Hell no! I think her being on the team is the right way to lean, but as of right now, she’s just doing nothing of substance. I’d rather the screen time she has be meaningful than have her as a token nothing in the background of every episode.

That’s my main point here. Either start respecting her as a character, or stop pretending she’s on equal footing with the team. We already know season 12 isn’t gonna improve on that. The ninja go into the video game world and Pixal stays behind. Granted, Zane doesn’t go either, so maybe we’ll get some good content. But again, it’s the B plot, and with Zane. Nothing we haven’t seen before. (I could keep going about how the show has been pushing Zane out of the picture even back in season 3, but again, a rant for another time) 

Anyway, this rant pretty much sums up why most of my fanfic is Pixal-centric. It’s a character the writers just REFUSE to write for but has a decent amount of screen time, so there’s a lot of possibilities. Might do another rant about the whole ice powers thing. Idk. Just needed to get this out. thanks for reading :)

[kob131]

https://twitter.com/CJ_Black0/status/1254640087452786692

... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5JKAQ_2TUg&list=PLHSNUF-1KCOlXcI0rjk7VMYWS9-W1QK8c This is a link to a series of videos detailing the evidence against the argument about Miles and Kerry not following Monty's vision. See, how the flying fuck can you compile over two hours of evidence against an argument about a vision if there ISN'T one huh? So what precisely is your futile attempt to pretend that everything you've been dedicating the past year isn't just one prolonged temper tantrum? Because that's all you're doing. You're doing the verbal equivalent of rolling on the floor, kicking and screaming because your mental maturity is so miniscule that you have no concept of controlling your emotions when denied what you want. If you actually had any point in what you say, you wouldn't need to LIE continuously. If you actually had any merit behind what you say, you could point to substantial evidence and NOT rely on misinformation, misconceptions and the faulty memory of the masses. If you actually believed a word of what you actually said, you'd realize that the people you callout are the same type of fucking person you are. If the words that fall out of your mouth meant anything beyond the negative connotation (or feeling) they held: you'd have some consistency in what you consider good and not just your fleeting, worthless personal whims. I am so disgusted by what you just said. "There is no vision when it comes to RWBY". Is your head stuck so far up that ass of yours that your grey matter has turned to liquid shit? Unlike your inexperienced ass, I have seen actual pieces of media with no vision like the Bay Transformers or Batman Vs. Superman and they're NOTHING like RWBY. You dare to deny the blood and sweat that goes into the effort behind the show just because you got scorned ONCE and couldn't get over it like an obsessive ex? How little do you value art that you'd disregard all the effort that goes into making it because of your own personal bullshit? "But they didn't have a vision! The relics were added later-" WHEN is later? Volume 1? Volume 2? Volume 3? Volume 4? Volume 5? Volume 6? Volume 7? WHERE did you get this info huh? A quote from the writers, the ones involved in the creation of the show and thus an actual credible source? The mad ramblings of a grief stricken animator you parade around with zero concern or understanding of the man? A reddit post by some rando who claims to be totes involved in the show on the internet known for random people spreading misinformation? Your lying ass which would just make me assume the exact OPPOSITE because of your pathological need to justify your feelings? Is there ANY substance to your claim? We know the Maidens were added later, that's a documented fact. Wheres your fucking PROOF? "B-b-but if the show is about uniting people, then the relics dividing people is-" And the liar lies once more! It's called a CONFLICT. As in, a state where there is a clash between parties. A theme is fucking WORTHLESS if it is achieved without conflict or struggle. The purpose of the conflict is to test the theme of a story, create a struggle as the theme is called into question and build to satisfying resolution as the theme is proven right. You're so aware of this that in a different chain, you fucking SURRENDER this point. "B-b-but, EXECUTION! I want good execution-" Which is why your favorite talking point, Adam Taurus, is NEVER about the execution of the character, what the character was suppose about and how his journey enforced the point of his character. No, it's always about the PREMISE, about how Adam was 'wasted potential' and how the point of his character should be totally changed. "BUT-" Four years. Day in and day out, for four years, I've been in this conflict. There is literally NO argument you can make I haven't heard a hundred times and beaten a hundred times. Smarter, better people than you have tried and failed. Don't even bother CJ Black: you'll never succeed. Why? Because you keep lying to yourself, thinking that you have any ground to stand on about this conflict when in reality, even you yourself call out what you do when you mock others for saying stupid shit about the shows you like. If I were to change the subject to something you liked, you'd flip flop like the floundering fish you are. So what are you gonna do now? Try to dismiss me as a RWBY fanboy, something you know will end HORRIBLY? Ignore me and validate me as you run away from the bullshit YOU started? Keep lying to yourself and continue to fuck yourself over? Or will you finally grow the fuck up, let go of your petty vendetta and accept that you're full of it and MOVE ON? You truly disgust me. To mock and belittle the work of others, to say they don't pour their heart and soul into their art, just because you didn't get ONE thing. Consider that you claim to be writing a book and realize just what will happen when you publish it. To think I dared to actually show weakness to you. 

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P.S. Before anyone calls me a coward and tries saying that I’m running and hiding from CJ on my own blog: I literally copy pasted everything from a Twitlonger post I made to HIM.

[plagueamon]

Code Geass MBTI Challenge Turn 10: Diethard Ried - ENTP

Turn 10 marks the first time a type is repeated in Code Geass. The first of quite a few in fact, as our list contains almost twice as many characters as there are MBTI types (not to say that every type will be represented by the same number of people). What this means, however, is that I now have the opportunity to show you just how varying people can be even when they are typed as the same. This mainly depends on such things as ho well developed/healthy the person in question is as well as factors that have subjective importance to their personality and upbringing. Diethard Ried is a very good example of this principle, specifically in contrast to our previous ENTP representative - Milly Ashford. Before I start explaining this character’s functions, please keep in mind, that this post will contain heavy Code Geass spoilers, so consider yourself warned. With that out of the way, let us analyse why Diethard Ried is an ENTP.

Dominant Extroverted Intuition/Ne

Appropriately to his dominant function being extroverted and perceiving, Diethard himself sees his single purpose in life as that of an observer, being motivated by a strong desire to personally witness the most amazing and historically impactful events he can get to. For this very reason he joined Lelouch and later Schneizel, both of whom allowed him to be a part of plans that severely changed the world. On the surface Diethard’s obsession with being where the action’s at may appear as dominant Se, however there are some key differences to consider here. Unlike for a Se-dom, his excitement comes not from the experiences themselves, but rather from how the people he follows actually accomplish things that seem nearly impossible to him. For a person with a dominant intuitive function nothing seems quite as interesting as basically seeing literal fantasies and thought experiments being put into reality. This is why Diethard doesn’t mind getting involved in the wars he wants to record: when what you care the most about is creating a great story, objectivity truly may be a myth for some.

The extroverted component of Diethard’s dominant function can be seen in how the plans he wants to see carried out have no personal significance to him. There is no benefit to be gained for him, no need to reflect on the his or Lelouch’s reason for doing what they’re doing, hell, he doesn’t even come up with the plans and does whatever work he is assigned, no matter how amoral. The sole impressiveness of Lelouch’s and Schneizel’s plans are enough to keep him motivated. Notably, Diethard’s admiration for both of his leaders comes from what they can do, not just how smart they are. Clovis was smart too and  very skilled at manipulating Japan’s population to maintain a status quo. What he was not is a genius who had both the will and ability to change the world into something never before seen, and that is why Diethard was bored serving under him.

Because Ne is a function based on associative thinking and connections, Ne-doms more often rely on their thinking skills rather than their knowledge of any particular subject, and recognising Diethard’s intellect, Lelouch made him a high ranking officer, despite him being a Britannian who is generally disliked by the rest of the Black Knights. Lelouch was later proven right in his assessment of the journalist, as Diethard has shown a gret ability to think for himself when unable to turn to his leader for guidance. As a result he is one of the few Black Knights to avoid imprisonment at the start of R2 and eventually ends up betraying his master, making Lelouch’s path to victory that much more difficult.

Auxiliary Introverted Thinking/Ti

Diethard’s Ti is expressed in several ways. For one, it makes him a skilled journalist, who is not only good at his job, but also has a deep enough understanding of his skills to be able to use them for his new position as an intelligence officer. Even more interesting is the fact that journalism was basically the only thing Diethard was passionate about before he joined the Black Knights, so it is only fitting that he adapted some of the job’s principles as a kind of personal philosophy: all is well that makes for a good story, consequences be damned. The reason for why Diethard’s Ti is not dominant, however, is that his passion for journalism is not his core motivation throughout the series, but a way for him to support his Ne ambitions. In fact, he has no second thoughts about abandoning some essential journalistic standards when he views them as an obstacle, his belief that objectivity is a myth is a perfect example of that. This also shows that Diethard’s views regarding journalism are affected by Britannian society, which also doesn’t shy away from fabricating stories in media. Knowing that, we can conclude that this is an example of Diethard’s Fe affecting his Ti judgements, which also shows that his Fe is tertiary and his Ti - auxiliary.

 Much like with Milly, Diethard’s Ti gives him an experimental side, and this is seen in how he likes to challenge the beliefs of fellow Black Knights and question the validity of their views. Ti’s situational/subjective logic is a double-edged sword when it comes to these arguments: Diethard notably tends to debate against morally driven characters, specifically Tohdoh and Ohgi (it’s no coincidence that an ENTP and an ISFJ have so much trouble cooperating), showing the ability to deconstruct their arguments by selecting relevant facts. However, this also shows a level of bias, as we can see when the team loses Zero and needs to decide what to do. While Diethard makes some reasonable arguments in favour of looking for Zero, he ignores the dozens of lives at stake, because they don’t matter to him personally. He knows that without Zero he would have no interest in helping the Black Knights, so he skews the argument to make himself appear more right than he actually is.

Tertiary Extroverted Feeling/Fe

Diethard is a classic example of how ENTPs (specifically in fiction) tend to handle tertiary Fe. While he has a good understanding of social rules and obligations and and the ability to often use them to his advantage, he lacks any kind of personal investment in such things and usually sees them as a means to an end. We can see evidence of this at the start of the series, when Diethard was still working for Clovis: his ability to manipulate media in a way that made Area 11 appear like peaceful utopia and pacified its citizens gave him a high position and a considerable amount of influence in Britannian society, yet he found himself bored and ditched his privileges as soon as he found something more interesting to do. This is even communicated in his character design: despite spending a lot of time in the company of the highest members of Britannian society, Diethard prefers an attire that can be describe as plain at practical at best - fully committing to his social circle is something he considers a waste of his time.

Tertiary Fe happens to be the first major point of difference between Diethard and Milly Ashford. Milly is a healthier ENTP, who, while independent, was still influenced by her upbringing and social environment enough to develop a healthy level of compassion, morality and genuine investment in the lives of her friends - it’s what helps her listen to them and eventually see her own flaws. And then there is Diethard. While we don’t know anything about his life prior to the events of R1, he certainly also seems to be a product of his society, but in a completely different way. In a political system that promotes amoral and manipulative methods, Diethard too has absorbed these values when it comes to achieving his goals, even if he has no interest in the system itself. This makes him only use his Fe to satisfy the urges of his dominant Ne (loop) instead of using it to learn from others or make meaningful connections with them. In this sense, Diethard can be considered a foil to Milly, having many similarities, but some crucial differences from one another..

Inferior Introverted Sensing/Si

As the embodiment of any person’s main flaws and weaknesses, the inferior function is often used to give characters an arc, something they would need to overcome. Both Diethard and Milly possess the same inferior function and hence their inherent flaws are similar, but only Milly learns to be a better person in the end.

Ne is a function that is concerned with theoretical connections between facts. It is therefore directly opposed to Si - a function that focuses on the facts themselves and how they are relevant to the function’s user. For characters with inferior Si, such as Diethard, this means that they focus too much on the external and end up lacking substance or a clear identity as people. This isn’t immediately obvious for Diethard, because he is neither aware, nor cares much about his flaws, but it becomes much more apparent as time goes on. Note that throughout the whole series Diethard has not made any meaningful connections with anyone or anything; he is so obsessed with what he wants to see Lelouch do that he is not even remotely concerned with making others trust him or developing any attachment to even his work, making him the amoral cynic that we all know. And while Milly’s more healthy use of her functions allowed her to find herself and lead a much happier life, Diethard only realised what he was lacking in his final moments.

While he did everything to satisfy his Ne desires and was effective in his service, he failed to earn anyone’s trust or respect as a human being, so when it came to his death, even Lelouch did not see it as worth his effort to show Diethard a last act of kindness.

However, please keep in mind that this is only my opinion on the matter and I will welcome any criticisms or alternative opinions to discuss them. If this article was interesting for you, stay prepared for next time, when I shall discuss the MBTI type of Jeremiah Gottwald.

[ask-the-guiding-light-cast]

Guiding Light turns two years old today!

It’s crazy to think this all began only a couple of years back... and also hilarious it falls on the same day as “International Mystery Dungeon Day” over on Twitter. More after the cut. This is gonna be a long one, so I appreciate anyone willing to read this. ^^

For a long time, I had been a casual consumer of fan fics. It started in the late 2000s when I was in a Spyro craze thanks to the more story-driven Legend of Spyro trilogy. I had an itch that I needed scratched and FFN fulfilled that to some extent. I also looked at some Mario fics, including Paper Mario: The Temple of the Sun, which I greatly enjoyed and thought did a good job adapting the formula that made Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door so beloved and putting a unique spin on things.

But it was until the early 2010s that I actually started getting back into Pokémon games with Gen V. After Emerald, I fell out of touch with Pokémon for a time. When Gen VI came around, I dipped my toe into the fandom through Twitch livestreams, but also through reading a few anime-based fics that are very long and still going, even now. 

At the same time, I ended up buying PMD: Explorers of Sky... and damaged my cartridge before I could properly finish the game with my Vulpix/Riolu team. So, I watched cutscenes for what I missed on YouTube, then got Gates to Infinity and, later, Super Mystery Dungeon and had fun with both of them... though more for the stories and characters than the actual gameplay. Truth be told, I don’t care much for roguelikes at all.

It was during the gap in time between Super’s release and the first official footage of Sun & Moon in mid-2016 that I found myself hit with a recurring thought: “What if someone made a PMD story where the hero and the partner are forced to fight one another with the fate of the world at stake?” I wound up (loosely) brainstorming an idea for a PMD story revolving around an antagonistic Hoopa character who would use its ring portals to collect entire communities, including the Pokémon living in them... all so that he would never be bored. This would lead him to “collect” the partner to add to his “toys,” so when the hero shows up, he’d sic the partner on them.

But that was as far as I got with the idea. I ended up graduating college and took a job with late evening hours. It left me pretty tired and exhausted and unmotivated to do much of anything. I withdrew from the parts of the Pokémon community I was involved in.

Then the Generation VII games came out and, while divisive in the fandom, I found myself really liking some of the concepts. There were so many times when I thought, “Gee, I wonder what this would be like if it were in a PMD game?” For example, one of the ideas I had was a sort of edgy rival rescue team akin to Gladion, which would have a Midnight Lycanroc, a Zoroark, and a Type: Null character in it.

So, toward the end of 2016 and early 2017, I started creating an idea for a Choose Your Own Adventure story with the intent of putting it on this really small forum I was a part of. It would be a Gen VII-themed PMD story, but because I didn’t think that sounded interesting enough, I decided that, not only would the human keep their memories, but they would be from the real world and be a major Pokémon nerd. The idea was that the choices the readers made would affect the relationship between the human and partner. I even came up with a point system. The more points the readers earned for their choices, the “closer” the relationship the hero and partner would have and the happier an ending the story would get. If the hero and partner couldn’t stand each other, one of them would likely end up working with the bad guy and winning. If they became steadfast friends, they’d work together to save the world.

Unfortunately, the forum shut down before I got too far into planning it, so I shelved the idea and continued focusing on my job. And things stayed that way for several months, until I ended up getting into med school and scrambling to move.

During the downtime I had when I wasn’t doing moving related stuff, I decided to look at FFN again and found Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Defenders of Warmth. I wound up reading through the entirety of the story quite quickly. I guess you could say it sparked something in my head. The fic itself focuses on what, at the time, was the newest Gen (Gen V). It also has multiple humans and is set on a continent separate from the canon locations (which were just the Air and Grass Continents, since Gates and Super didn’t exist when the fic was written). In short, it renewed my desire to pursue my idea of a Gen VII-flavored PMD story.

So, I set about creating my story outline. It is so... so much different from the actual story, though I’ve gone into that in previous posts (search for #amby answers). Originally, I used Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time as the framework for the fic: an alien invasion in a colorful, comedic world. I took more specific cues, too. Zero was meant to be a (mostly) silent antagonist a la Princess Shroob, for example.

The problem was, I really didn’t have much confidence in myself or my abilities. I’d like to say I was writing for myself, but I really did want validation, too. I think any author is lying to themselves if they say they don’t feel this way at some point. Because of this, I figured if I put the fic on FFN, it would get ignored. The site’s huge! There were, at the time, around 85k fics in the Pokémon section alone. (That number’s since gone up to over 90k!)

Given I had experience with forums, I decided to post it to Serebii, because the fic community seemed much smaller and more open to giving feedback to one another. In an effort to try and, y’know, establish some connections, I actually read other pieces and reviewed them before posting any stories. This also helped me build up a backlog of chapters and prove to myself I enjoyed writing this enough to keep going.

When I finally did post the fic, it was a bumpy start, for sure. I do think I made a lot of mistakes out of the gate, including uploading chapters way too quickly for readers on Serebii to (reasonably) try to keep pace. That probably cost me a few potential readers... or made them silent readers who I never ended up hearing from. Which is why I’m especially thankful to @girl-like-substance (who I can seem to tag, drat) for all of the well-thought-out feedback given throughout the fic’s run. I don’t think I would’ve made such significant strides in my writing otherwise... and there are plenty of long-running fics where the quality tends to stagnate.

In any case... it was thanks to a request from @deliriousabsol to put the fic somewhere more mobile-friendly that I chose to mirror Guiding Light on FFN starting in October 2017. I would’ve kept going on Serebii had she not asked so nicely, so she’s the one you can thank for it showing up there! (She’s a fellow author who does cyberpunk-themed fics and art and her characters have cameoed in the fic.)

And, honestly, I’m just... beyond shocked at what wound up happening to the fic once it hit FFN. Well, actually, for the first several months I was lucky if I even got a comment when I put up a chapter. I’m not sure any of the people who first commented on FFN still follow the fic anymore. I haven’t seen/heard from them at all, so I assumed they moved on with their lives.

In any case, around March of 2018, the word count on FFN passed 300k and... somehow, the fic starting getting more attention. Like, a lot more attention. This was... not really something I was even remotely prepared for.

(Yes, this means there’s gonna be a giveaway. More on that later.) I never would’ve thought I’d reach a number like this. I never imagined I’d meet another PMD author who’d be willing to do a fun collab (thanks @virgil134, Spiteful Murkrow, and Namohysip). I really did not imagine that I’d ever get fanart of characters that I wrote (huge thanks @thebreak-ofdawn, @ask-nicky-and-others, and @cresselia92). I mean, above everything, I not expect the fic or characters to resonate with anybody the way it wound up.

A part of me feels like I don’t really deserve it. I’ve made a lot of serious gaffes with writing this. When initial Serebii feedback had people intrigued by Shane’s jerkass attitude (when I didn’t actually intend for him to come off as a jerk), I dialed things up in the hopes I’d keep their attention. It probably cost me readers. Then there’s the slow pacing of the early episodes and the mistake of making Special Episode 3 as long as it was... which my speaks to my (bad) tendency to give into some of my strongest impulses even though I had an outline I was trying to stick to.

And, I mean, there’s also some of the “shamlessly shameful” stuff I’ve done with the fic. I’m not fooling myself. Guiding Light has grown progressively more furry and, uh, probably fanservicey, too. All the big furbait (and some scalebait) ‘mons are accounted for. There’s a lot more sexual humor when I initially promised myself I would stay away from romance and keep everything platonic. I practically turned Xerneas into waifu bait, if some of these asks are anything to go by. This blog certainly didn’t help in that regard. Maybe I’m just being my usual nervous self? 

I am worried that this fic’s performance has, somehow, affected my thoughts and behavior. There are very popular fic authors who let their popularity get to their head... or chose to open up Patreons (something that makes me uncomfortable) or start doing things like taking commissions for written pieces, which is understandable... though I think it’s an easy way to lose your passion for writing. I guess some of that worry stems from a debacle I learned about on a Discord server I’m in, but that’s not something I’m comfortable discussing publicly. 

And I haven’t even talked much about the blog itself. Like, it somehow passed 100 followers? Where? When? How? I don’t actually draw stuff like many other Pokéasks. And, like, for a lot of folks, I have no idea if they’ve actually read the fic or just check in on the blog. It’s the same with the fic, I suppose. If you’re a silent reader/follower, I would really love to hear from you! I promise... I don’t bite or anything. I’d love to know what (if anything) you’re thinking. And if you’re a blog that’s following this one and we haven’t interacted, please feel free to reach out! It’s honestly hard to tell if people like what I’m doing, so any feedback is always appreciated.

In any case, if I haven’t lost you by now, I guess all I can say is... thank you. Thank you all so much for all of the support... whether it’s on the fic, the blog, or both of them. I really do hope this final episode can meet your expectations. I’ll try my very best to make this an ending to remember. Nothing would make me happier than to hear you guys enjoy it and feel it does justice to the PMD series.

Sorry for all the rambling. The inbox is open again if you’d like to send any messages for the ficaversary. Again, thank you all so much! You’re the best!

[captainstrekkinlog]

Star Trek: Picard - 1x01 “Remembrance” In-Depth Analysis

Let me start this off by saying, I think this is the strongest series premiere of any of the live-action Star Trek shows to date. 

There is a confidence in this episode that none of the other shows had. It’s no secret that every single Trek show has sometimes struggled in finding its footing in the beginning, it’s not easy to make these shows after all. But it seems that from the onset Star Trek: Picard was a show that knew what it wanted to be and what it needed to be. What struck me the most watching this episode is how very deliberate each action is taken. This story was crafted with meaning and intention, they knew what they wanted to convey and they’re going to take their time walking down the path they set. 

If the rest of this season are at the level of this premiere, then this might just become one of the best first seasons of any Trek show.

Now with that out of the way, let’s get to breaking down the episode in all its delicious details. This will be a long one as I break down scene by scene.

SPOILERS AHEAD

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So we begin with a dream sequence as Blue Skies (sung by Bing Crosby, grandfather of Tasha Yar’s actress Denise Crosby) plays. A wonderful shot of the Enterprise D with Picard and Data playing poker. Picard looks to be in civilian attire, while Data is seemingly in his Nemesis era uniform. The way this scene is set up immediately feels dream-like, especially with the song, which we heard Data last singing it at Riker and Troi’s wedding.

There is a feeling of melancholy in the scene, almost as if Picard’s own consciousness knows this is not real but he wants to keep pretending that it is. As he even says, he doesn’t want the game to end. He much rather wanting to cling onto the past than be awake in a present-day that he isn’t enjoying. As he even says later, it’s the waking up that he’s beginning to resent, and as we find out later on in the story, this dream world is probably a happier place for him than what life is like for him in the years since Data died. 

Here in Picard’s dream, he gets to keep holding onto the past - more time with Data, more time playing the poker game that he never got to enjoy until the end, more time for all the things he was in many ways, robbed of doing.

One funny note, Picard offers Data milk, but we did see in one of the TNG episodes where Data comments that he hates milk.

Data is also holding 5 Queen of Hearts, which Picard frowns at. I’m not sure exactly yet what this may represent, it is possible that this could be a foreshadowing to something else down the line. As I said before, the writers and director were very deliberate with every single detail, so I would imagine this Queen of Hearts thing to have a meaning, we just may not know it yet.

This scene ends with the Mars attack that we saw in the Children of Mars Short Trek and leads to Picard awaking rather violently from his dream. Now if this is how all his dreams end, I can definitely see why he wouldn’t want to wake up because that’s rather horrifying.

Now one thing I have to mention, simply because it’s being made such a big fuss over, the whole thing with how Ten Forward isn’t in the right location. First of all, it’s a dream. Dreams never make sense. I dreamed once that my house had wings and was full of plants and my bathroom was outside. Dreams are weird because they are suppose to be. Secondly, this sort of fuss over technicalities, and rather pointless ones at that, are what I would like to call “missing the forest for the trees”, because what is mattering in this scene isn’t the location of Ten Forward, but rather the scene of Picard and Data and what this means for Picard’s state of mind. THAT is the story, THAT is the substance. The location of a place in a dream sequence really is not what should be the take away of the scene, nor should it somehow ruin a scene. Honestly, people need to realize that the STORY is what is important, any small technical things are not the point. We don’t watch Star Trek because we want to point out all the inconsistent and illogical and wrong continuity details. We watch Star Trek because of the stories and the characters. If I was to let every single of those technical details bother me so much that it ruined the story, I would never be able to watch any Star Trek because quite frankly, there’s a whole lot of it in Star Trek, and acting like that one detail is what ruins a perfectly written and acted scene that sets up Picard’s state of mind for his character development is quite frankly very disingenuous. 

Now, moving onto the rest of our story. We have Picard waking up to Number One running to him. I imagine Number One is in many ways a service dog, especially given how he was immediately there noticing Picard’s disturbance. The most interesting part of this scene with Picard waking up and looking out into the vineyard where people are working is that he keeps saying to Number One “it’s alright”, but really, he’s not saying it to the dog, I think he’s trying to convince himself that everything is alright, even though he knows it isn’t, and we know he certainly doesn’t feel it.

Then we move locations to Greater Boston, where in the night time skyline, we notice some glowing light ads with the Federation News Network symbol, some Ferengi Alliance and ad products, a London Kings banner, and it looks like Kasidy Yates is still somewhere in the galaxy with a booming interstellar freights business. Good for her!

We finally meet Dahj with her boyfriend who is a Xahean, a nice link to our beloved Queen Po, whom we met in Discovery. I am now curious who is the ruler on Xahea at this time, after all, we don’t really know how Xaheans age. But it looks like Xahea is a part of the Federation, which also makes me curious if Po did eventually reveal her innovation for recrystalizing dilithium crystals. Oh and the eagle eyed folks at Trekcore noted from Dahj’s call logs later that her boyfriend’s name looks to be “Caler”.

So they’re having a great time, Dahj reveals she got into the Daystrom Institute and that she’s a fellow in Artificial Intelligence and Quantum Consciousness, which is an interesting field for her to go into given how she reacts later on to Picard calling them “soulless murder machines”, which seems to reveal her bias. Which also makes me wonder why she wanted to study something that would only be theoretical and she already had judgement against.

Oh and we also see in Dahj’s apartment is the flower, Orchidaceae Dahj Oncidium, that her father made.

This nice moment with the couple gets ruined, as usual, by Romulans. Always out there spoiling people’s fun. They immediately kill Dahj’s boyfriend and capture her. They put some devices on her head, likely to scan her and commenting on the fact that she’s not been activated yet. Somewhat hilariously, one of them gets admonished for speaking in their native alien language and to speak English. I guess it’s still called English? Or is it Federation Standard? Or is it both? 

They ask her “where’s the rest of you” and where she’s from. She says Seattle. I guess if you’re from Seattle these days, you should check if you’re either an Android or a Klingon spy. 

And just as she put a bag over her head and try to knock her out, she finally “activates” and kills them all. This was a very well choreographed fight scene where we got to see a good amount of the action. Now I’ve heard some people out there complaining about shaky cam, but that’s not what we have here. The camera didn’t shake, and it only does a minor tilt in one scene. Otherwise, this is one of the calmest camera movements in a fight scene. In fact, the directing for this whole episode is very steady and calm. Honestly, it’s a bad faith take to say this show is just all action crazy shaky cam, because it’s not true. In both of the fight scenes we get, there is considerable restraint on the camera work to make sure that we as the audience can still see what is going on and know what’s happening in the scenes at all times. The rest of the show is all steady cam work. I know that people often like to label “New Trek” to be all action and weird camera angles and “not real Star Trek”, but Picard’s camera work is much more in tune with TNG’s steady cam work than it is to anything else. Other than the two big fight scenes with Dahj, every scene is very steady.

So as Dahj is leaning over her boyfriend and mourning him (note that he is bleeding the same orange color that Po did in the Runaway Short Trek), and then she gets a vision of Picard. The interesting thing about this vision is that it looks to be the same shot from one of the very early teasers. I am curious why she keeps seeing this specific scene and if there is any meaning to it.

Now there is one issue I’ve seen pointed out that the first character to be killed on Picard is a character played by a black man. And this is a very valid thing to be concerned about considering the treatment of characters of color, particularly TV’s issues with black men that both Agents of SHIELD and The Walking Dead had gotten flack for before (the rotating door of black characters), and certainly horror movie tropes have been criticized extensively. So I definitely understand if someone saw this and was worried about this sort of thing becoming an issue. I can’t speak for how black people may feel about this, as I am not black and I do not know all the nuances of this problem, but I wanted to bring to attention what director Hanelle Culpepper commented on in a twitter conversation with someone who had brought up this very concern.

I think this is the thing that could sometimes feel like a double-edged sword. In our current entertainment and media, we are still not there in terms of fair and equal representation, and thus when female characters, characters of color, or LGBTQ+, and other minority group characters die or are treated badly in a story, we pick up on it. But I think with the Star Trek shows, both Discovery and Picard, they are trying to show vast array of characters and treating characters from various minority groups in a normalized way. They can be heroes, they can be villains, they can live and they can die. This kind of normalization in treatment of characters is what we hope for, but I just think the rest of TV have not caught up yet, so when characters of color in this case, do die, we notice.

But hopefully, as Hanelle Culpepper states, we will see more characters of color show up. And as we do know, we will be having more characters of color in lead roles joining us soon.

Now, onto this opening credit sequence. There is a lot of unravel here and I could probably talk for hours about what this opening makes me feel. Let’s first talk about the music. Jeff Russo deserves an award. Seriously. He does. If you guys have not seen the Ready Room aftershow where Jeff Russo talks about the choices made for this theme, you really need to. Because you see the care and attention to detail that he brings into even just choosing what instruments to add to the music and what chords used to call back to the past. The flute at the beginning alluding to Picard’s time in The Inner Light, representing his past. And then the cello and the occasional chords of the TNG theme, just slowed down and slightly in a different tone, all building up to what feels like a triumphant rebirth. The flute sneaks back in showing the past and present coming together for Picard. The use of the cello and strings is just perfect. It really gives a melodic and somber feel to it. And as a violin player myself, any time I hear the strings, it’s like coming home. I’ll be very excited to get back on my violin at some point and play this.

The imagery of the opening credit sequence also tells a story. We see a piece of the sky breaks off like glass, it floats down to the vines in the vineyard, then to the quantum archive, which forms into a borg cube, and the broken piece falls through the cube and forms into fractals, and the pieces float around seemingly becoming like a neuro-pathways which becomes like the iris of an eye, and then it becomes a borg eye maybe, and then the planet Romulus, and finally the cracks form back into Picard’s face. It’s all very beautiful imagery and clearly very deliberate as no doubt all these elements will somehow come into the story that we are seeing. 

And also interesting to note that only Patrick Stewart, Allison Pill, Isa Briones, Harry Treadaway from the main cast are credited, with Brent Spiner as “special guest star”, which means that I guess actors will only appear in the credits if they actually appear in the episode, much like how Discovery season 2 did the same with Shazad Latif and Wilson Cruz, and how Game of Thrones used to do this with their cast members too. So this should make it easy for us to notice which characters will appear in an episode or not.

Now back to the Chateau in France, Picard is walking through the vineyard with Number One and joking with him in French. I’m pretty sure this scene existed to poke fun at the people always saying why is Picard so British if he’s French. So LOL, now he speaks French finally!

We get to meet Laris and Zhaban, two Romulans who seem to live with Picard and basically be his attendants. Some people may not know, but Laris and Zhaban both appear in the Picard Countdown Comics, the three issue comic series shows us their relationship to Picard. Long story short, they are former Tal Shiar agents who broke the rules falling in love and wanted to leave because they wanted to help people instead. They feel indebted to Picard for helping them and sees him as their rescuer/savior. I also thought it was funny that Laris jokes about Number One being “our little assassin”, given what she and Zhaban used to do for a living with the Tal Shiar. 

It is also interesting to note that Laris doesn’t have ridges on her forehead but we do see a slight bit of ridges on Zhaban, making this the first time we see both types of Romulans on screen together. Usually, it’s either one or the other. But it’s nice to see finally some variety even within one species.

Zhaban comments that Laris heard Picard talking in his sleep, Laris notes that he’s not sleeping and wonders if it’s bad dreams, which leads Picard to comment that his dreams are lovely but it’s the waking up that he’s beginning to resent, connecting back to the moment at the beginning of the episode with Data where he says he doesn’t want the game to end. His dreams are happier than his present.

So it seems that Picard has to get ready for an interview, and as he enters, Zhaban says that Number One still won’t take breakfast from him with Picard joking “old dogs”, to which Zhaban replies “which one?” 

The relationship between Laris, Zhaban, and Picard is very well established even in these early scenes. There is an unspoken bond, camaraderie, and care. Even if Picard says sometimes Zhaban treats him as if he was “a benign old codger”. They act like a family, a family that’s found each other since Picard no longer has his old Enterprise crew family anymore. Also Picard is drinking decaf Earl Grey tea.

Now as all three of them are talking though, the news report plays on in the background. I couldn’t make out all the words because of the dialogue on top of it, but it looks like something about disturbances continue across the Alpha and Beta Quadrant due to the commemoration of the destruction of Romulus, so there seems to be some unrest still even to this day about what’s happened. And there is also something about a new Romulan capital, and maybe some three state council or something like it that declared it an interplanetary day of mourning for all citizens. I thought this interesting because we do not really know yet what the state of the rest of the galaxy is feeling about all of this, or how Romulan politics may have changed since then, so this news report is giving a tiny glimpse of the status of the galaxy. It’s good background world building, which is always a good thing, and sometimes Star Trek tends to falter at doing things like this beyond just details about Starfleet and its ships. It’s nice to get a look at the civilian part of life, which is the majority of the galaxy after all.

As the first of the visiting news crew arrives, Laris reminds Picard to not forget to wash his hands, and that ten years and she still has to remind him. She also jokingly calls him “your highness”, which I think it’s a funny nod to both the Romulan culture and also her being aware of herself being a “butler/housekeeper” for Picard as if this was a royalty sort of thing. The ten years mention though seems to point to Laris and Zhaban having stayed with Picard from at least 2389 to current day 2399.

Among the news crew doing set ups is a Tellarite, the first we see on screen in the 24th century outside of just archival footage. There is also a Trill among them as well. It also looks like there is some screen projection thing that does make up touch-ups? Oh man I would love to use one of those instead of having to put on real make-up. I really hate make-up, well, I should clarify that my skin hates make-up, SO MUCH. Someone please invent these screen projection make up things! I need it!

Picard is all dressed up and insisting that he’s not nervous, and asks Zhaban if he went over the terms with the news people and Zhaban says “three times, sir” that they wouldn’t inquire about his separation from Starfleet. Laris says that she thinks sometime he’s forgotten who he is and what he did but they haven’t, and Zhaban reminds him to “be the captain they remember.” These two clearly care about Picard a lot, genuinely. And it’s a really lovely moment as they send him off to this interview. 

It’s kinda of fun to see the intro to his interview is showing off a bunch of TNG promo photos and episode screencaps. I always find this funny because I’m like, wait, there were no cameras there in those moments, how did they get those pictures! 

So we learn in this scene that Picard has never agreed to an interview before until now, and that he’s been writing books on various historical analysis, and that he’s very passionate about working on raising awareness of the lingering impacts of the supernova. It’s clear from the beginning of this scene that the interviewer is looking for something else, that all this stuff they agreed to talk about is not what she actually wants to hear, she very deliberately steers the conversation to things about the Mars attack and why Picard left Starfleet.

Through her, we also start to see the view point of perhaps people who aren’t a part of Starfleet, the civilian side of the galaxy, which she noted that many felt there were better uses for their resources than aiding the Federation’s oldest enemy. And I have no doubt that there were people who did think that. This plays to exactly the sort of sentiment we saw in ENT, when after the Xindi attack, humanity shrank back and started to be xenophobic towards all alien life, not just Xindi. Terra Prime and that whole “Earth First” mentality are all playing again with what we see from this interviewer and her implications. She deliberately pokes at Picard calling for the massive relocation of Romulans. She points to Romulans as an enemy, and she points to the mass number of 900 million Romulan citizens they had to relocate, and how 10,000 warp-capable ferries had to be constructed for the rescue fleet. All of this is clearly a roundabout way of saying that it was a waste of resources, that those resources shouldn’t have been used, and the implication that if they hadn’t build the rescue fleet, then maybe Mars wouldn’t have been targeted and thousands of people wouldn’t have died.

Now, I’ve seen many bad faith takes saying “oh they are making the Federation behave like Nazis!!” or “they are making the Federation into xenophobic racists!!!!” but all of that is disingenuous and ignores what the story actually says. Picard was able to persuade the Federation to help the Romulans, and we know clearly that Spock was also working on the matter to help. The Federation intended to help but only stopped after the rescue fleet was destroyed and thousands upon thousands of people died. There is a HUGE DIFFERENCE between outright refusing to aid and stopping aid after you’re attacked and your rescue fleet got destroyed. There is a HUGE DIFFERENCE between maliciously deciding you don’t want to help someone and just watch them drown, and trying to help but you got injured and you are tired and you gave up.

Of course we all want the Federation to keep going and never give up. Of course we want the Federation to always stand up to its ideals of hope and justice. But giving up when you’re hurt is not the same as outright xenophobia, and it certainly doesn’t make you a Nazi. We KNOW from previous Trek shows AND films that the Federation isn’t perfect, that sometimes the Federation makes mistakes, and even has a hard time letting go of grudges and prejudices. I’ve said it many times before, utopias are pretty to look like but they don’t just magically grow out of a vacuum, a perfect world needs work. The moment you become complacent and you don’t put in the effort, a utopia can easily fail. Hell, in this very moment, we are seeing exactly how democracy CAN fail if we don’t work hard to maintain it. And I get it, some people are mad about political allegories, some people are mad that the perfect utopia of escapism isn’t happening. But Star Trek has always held up a mirror to our own world, it has always pointed out our own failings and how we can be better. And THIS is no different. The Federation gave up and shrunk from its duties, yes. They gave into grief, pain, and fear. But it does not mean they are evil. It is telling us that very same thing. We are not evil if we give into fear, but we can also be better, and do better. The world isn’t just magically built, democracy didn’t just happen one day out of the blue, we worked at it, even if it’s sometimes one step forward and two steps back. 

Anyways, as we go on with this interview, there’s the bit where the interviewer says it’s only “Romulan lives” at stake and Picard counters her with “No. Lives.” Picard’s very powerful statement that we are all lives, doesn’t matter Romulan or not, is something that is necessary to say not just in the context of the plot, but also in the context of our current society. Right now in this very world we live in, people of color, people from minority groups, are all being dehumanized and otherized, and a populace is basically being fed propaganda hating on people not like them, dismissing people not like them, and somehow forgetting that we are all living breathing beings. So what if our skin pigmentation are different? So what if we speak different languages or have different cultures or beliefs or love different people? We are all still breathing, still living. And this continued otherization has only caused more harm to not only the groups being oppressed, but also to all of us as a species. And yes, I know some people don’t want to hear it, they don’t want “leftist politics” in their Star Trek, but this message has been the same message that Star Trek has been sending out for over half a century. You understood it as kids, you took all that in, so where along the way in your growth did you forget that message?

As Picard stated, lives were at stake and the Federation and Starfleet understood that, they had all those ships out there in the shipyards because they had every intention to help. And if not for the attack on Mars, it would have happened. If 92,143 lives weren’t lost, and 10,000 warp capable ferries weren’t gone, they would have been ready to help. Instead the galaxy mourned, and Starfleet and the Federation withdrew because they too were licking their wounds. 

The interviewer compared this logistical feat to the Pyramids, which Picard calls vanity. He points out Dunkirk, the rescue of 400,000 troops on the beaches done through calling in civilian boats. And it’s a more than apt comparison. 

We learn that the planetary defense shields were dropped, and Mars’ defense net was hacked, all of this indicates that I think something more than just the synths themselves were involved. Picard says they still don’t know why the synths went rogue. So I think that the synths were nothing more than someone’s means to an end. Either someone in the Federation wanted a reason for the Federation to pull back from helping Romulus, or Romulans from the Tal Shiar wanted to prevent the Federation from helping because they didn’t want to be indebted to Starfleet and the Federation. Whatever it is, it’s covert, and the synths were just the scapegoats for the attack. 

And as if the 9/11 analogy isn’t more complete, we know the Mars attack was the reason that synthetic life-forms are now banned. And just to give it some sort of scale that we can understand, it is said that 2,977 victims died from 9/11, the attack on Mars had casualties at least 30 times that of 9/11. Not to mention the shipyard and all the vessels. It would have shaken the Federation, and especially those on Earth, to their core. The fact that the interviewer points out that Mars is still on fire to this day is another thing to note of the effect that is still lingering, much like how 9/11 still is a collective trauma for those who lived through it, even to this day.

Now we see the interview becoming more and more heated, in many ways, the interviewer bringing up Data and asking if Picard lost faith in him, to which Picard says “never”. And we also know that Picard thinks that banning synthetic life-forms was a mistake. The interviewer finally gets to what she clearly wants to ask, why he left Starfleet and what was it that he lost faith in. And Picard answers that he left because “it was no longer Starfleet”, he angrily states that Starfleet had slunk from its duties, and that the decision to call off the rescue was not just dishonorable because they had sworn to help, but also downright criminal, and he wasn’t going to be a spectator about it. 

Now, there is something interesting in this moment that I don’t see mentioned much, and it’s that you see Zhaban and Laris watching the interview, and they hold hands. This is clearly something that hurts them too. You can see the emotions on their faces. And while this interview is focused on Picard, we should not forget that this matters to them too. This was Laris and Zhaban’s home that was destroyed, probably people they knew too that died, their families and friends. They are watching an interview that is not just disparaging their race but also discounting the meaning of their lives. And this moment will speak to anyone who has been part of any oppressed groups seeing themselves dehumanized by their lives being an “other”. Picard is standing up not just for Romulans or synthetics, but he is also standing up directly for the two of them, two refugees who have lost everything except each other. It’s a small moment, but it really meant a lot to me watching it, because I understood those feelings. And it made me connect to Laris and Zhaban so much more as characters.

Picard at this point is ready to tear into the interviewer, stating that she has no idea what Dunkirk is, because she’s a stranger to history and stranger to war. And how it isn’t easy for those who died and those who were left behind. Now this moment is very powerful, and clearly the meaning of this scene is meant to be also calling us as viewers to realize how much of our own history that we are a stranger to, and how forgetting that history is the reason we get into the sort of messes that we have today. And I am sure that the writers and director didn’t intend for this to be viewed as anything other than Picard giving all of us a lesson. However, as is with the case of the Xahean boyfriend who died, it is noticeable that it is a white man lecturing a black woman about history. Of course, in universe this isn’t an issue, and as with the issue from before, this is no doubt them wanting to cast actors of color in as many roles as possible, and this is a big scene to have with Picard so of course they cast a brilliant actress for it. But nonetheless it is something noticed, and I think if people make a criticism of that, I would understand, even if I understand also that this is clearly not the intention of the writers or the director.

By the way, the interviewer’s name is credited as Richter, which is a german word meaning “judge”, though I was reminded of the richter scale for earthquakes, and giving she looked to be causing her own little earthquakes during this interview, and being a judge in many ways, both meanings are appropriate.

Finally, Picard walks away from the interview, and this interview is going down, we see Dahj walking in the rain, seeing Picard on the screens nearby doing the interview and recognizing him. 

There is also a sign in that scene that says “behold the future, preview next year’s padd tech today” so I guess even in the future, we still get new tech updates like those Apple iPhone conferences and whatnot.

We get a “commercial break” and we’re back at the Chateau. Picard is sitting with Number One quoting "there is no legacy as rich as honesty” from Shakespeare's All’s Well That Ends Well. Number One barks at Dahj approaching, runs over, but seems okay with her. Picard wants to know what she’s doing here and Dahj says she saw his interview and wants to know if he knows her. He does a “what????” expression that kind of made me chuckle because I can just see the question marks in his head. He’s just so confused.

Now there is an interesting thing to note here, Dahj immediately comments “you’re not sure, how do I know that?”, as if she is reading his mind somehow. So could this mean she has some sort of mind reading abilities too? Or is it just that she can read people really well?

Dahj describes all the things that’s happened, saying that her abilities came to her like “lightning seeking the ground” and she’s clearly very upset. Picard, who has every reason to turn away someone who could be rather alarming, instead takes her hands and tries to calm her down. I’ll expand on this later in another scene, but the kindness that he immediately has towards Dahj’s situation is just such a good thing. Compassion is something so lacking right now in the world, and having him being kind to her and not push her away even though he doesn’t know her, is so important. And when Dahj says “everything inside of me says that I’m safe with you”, we the audience certainly believes that.

We cut to Laris healing up Dahj’s cut, and Zhaban puts a blanket on her. Again, showing how kind these two people are, and the caring and kindness that surrounds Picard. No wonder Dahj feels safe. Picard gives her Earl Grey tea and says it “never fails”. The whole scene that follows is just a really sweet and lovely scene of two people connecting. Picard never treating her as if she isn’t to be believed. She asks him if he’s been a stranger to himself, and he answers “many, many times”, which we have seen throughout TNG. If anyone knows how Dahj is feeling, it is Picard. And I love that he connects with her, never dismissing her feelings.

Picard also comments on Dahj’s necklace, saying it was unusual. Dahj said that her father gave it to her. Now some have wondered why it would be an unusual necklace as it doesn’t look unusual, but I don’t know, I guess it looked kinda strange to me. Or maybe Picard recognized the symbol from somewhere and thought it was strange. Dahj says she doesn’t just know Picard because he’s famous, but she knows him from something older and deeper, and Picard says she may be right, clearly feeling like maybe he does know her from somewhere. He again reiterates that he believes her, joking that if she were dangerous, Number One would let him know.

Laris takes Dahj to her room, and she thanks Picard before she goes, clearly very grateful for someone believing in her. Dahj does leave the necklace behind on the table, which Picard looks at.

Next day, he opens up the window and nobody is working. I realized at this point immediately it must be another dream sequence and sure enough Data is in the fields painting. Both him and Picard are in their TNG era uniforms, and Data asks if Picard wants to finish the painting which has no face and is a hooded figure standing overlooking an ocean. Picard says he doesn’t know how, but Data says that’s not true. The moment Picard takes the brush, he’s awoken by the clock, and he immediately turns around to look at the painting behind him hanging up on the wall, which is almost exactly the painting from the dream, only the head is turned away. Obviously his dreams are a way for him to work out things he’s busy thinking about when he’s awake. God if only my dreams work out life’s problems for me. It would be so useful!

Laris comes in to say that Dahj is gone. Now this scene is logistically a little bit oddly placed. I don’t know when Picard wakes up from his dream, but it doesn’t look like 5am. And Laris comes in rather calmly to tell Picard that Dahj is gone, so did Laris just get up at 5am, saw Dahj gone, and went about her day until Picard woke up? Now Picard could have woken up just minutes before too. They just didn’t exactly make it explicitly clear. She did note that Dahj’s door was open, Number One was on her bed but she was gone, and they checked the feeds and she’s not on the property.

Picard, who now has an idea of what to look for, says he has to go but for them to contact him if Dahj returns.

We then change locations to Starfleet Archives, which uses the same museum symbol that the Star Trek Tour folks have. So that’s a nice little touch, nodding to the fans. It’s really sweet. Star Trek Tour is canon now! :D

Now at this moment when we see Picard approaching the archives, the Jerry Goldsmith theme from the Motion Picture plays a little in the background. Again, a beautiful addition from Jeff Russo knowing exactly where to add in the music to make everything feel perfect.

Picard is with a program called Index, who seems to keep an eye on the quantum archive. Picard wants to be sure that his archive is locked in stasis and no one has access, Index makes a joke about selling tickets with Picard noting the humor and saying “don’t give up your day job”. I love funny snarky holograms. 

We then see Picard going into his archive and this is certainly a room full of easter eggs, so I’ll just note the items I saw and double checked with Memory Alpha to make sure I had the correct names:

USS Stargazer model

USS Enterprise D and E models

Captain’s yacht from Enterprise E model

Kurlan naiskos – ceramic figurine statue made by Kurlan civilization – gift from former mentor Richard Galen?

TNG era Bat’leth and D’k tahg

Captain Picard Day banner

Picard’s edition of The Globe Illustrated Shakespeare: The Complete Works, usually seen in his ready room/quarters – book is opened to first two pages of Act III of All’s Well That Ends Well – quote from earlier

It was noted from the Ready Room aftershow with Hanelle Culpepper and Michael Chabon (the showrunner), that the Captain Picard Day banner is an interesting way to tell the story of Picard’s change. He used to not like that day at all, and now he keeps that memento as if to remind himself that he maybe should have had more of those moments, showing a bit of his regret.

We get some updated LCARS, which the Picard production crew did give a shoutout to Mike Okuda on twitter. It’s always great to see these original designs get a little update with the times. It’s got more muted colors, which I quite like. And also, the object that covers the painting and retracts back is similar to the mechanical hood device that they used in the Ask Not Short Trek that Pike wore.

Index notes that this painting, which we see has Dahj’s face, is item 227.67, painted by Data in 2369, one of a set of two, gifted to Picard on the Enterprise, and the other is hanging on the wall at the Chateau. And the title of the painting is called Daughter. This confirming that Dahj somehow is Data’s daughter, which makes sense given her resemblance to Lal.

Picard asks Index to be sure that no one has been in the archive, not even for servicing. This means that no one else could have known Dahj’s face unless they were someone who actually knew Data or somehow had access to Data.

Back in France, Dahj seems to be hiding in an alleyway. She contacts her mom who tells her to get somewhere safe. Dahj notes that she did tried but she couldn’t stay because she didn’t want to put anyone else in danger. Her mom says she has to go back to Picard, Dahj frowns because her mom couldn’t have known. We see the image of the Mom glitching somehow? At this moment we don’t know if she’s a hologram or a memory or maybe a person who is being used or coerced? Her mom insists for her to find Picard and that he can and will help her. I can’t be sure if the mom is good or not, but her insisting that she goes to Picard does seem like she wants Dahj to be safe. So maybe the mom is also Dahj’s own defense mechanism? A program that makes sure she stays on course and doesn’t stray? The mom tells Dahj to close her eyes and focus, as if giving her directions on what to do. Next we see that the transmission has terminated and Dahj pulls up new information to find Picard’s location.

We also note that in her call list of favorites, there’s Soji’s name too, which connects to the later scene we see.

Back at the Starfleet Archives again, Picard sees Dahj and is clearly relieved that she’s okay. Dahj points out that she knew how to track him here, “I know stuff now, I can hear conversations a block away.” She then tries to insist that she did research and that she must have schizophrenia or something. Picard says she doesn’t have that and tries to assure her that she isn’t a freak, and instead that she may be very special. He starts telling her about Data, and you can hear the emotions in his voice about what Data meant. Dahj doesn’t know why Picard is telling her that and Picard gently tries to let Dahj know that she may be like Data and that the attack may have acted like a positronic alarm bell. But Dahj doesn’t react well to that, comparing synthetics to the ones who attacked Mars, even at one point calling synths “soulless murder machines”. We can see from Dahj’s comments that resent and fear still exists in the Federation towards android/synthetic life-forms, which from what we know, the attack was only about 10 years ago, so it would still be rather fresh on everyone’s minds.

Picard tells Dahj that Data painted her over 30 years ago, she still tries to resist, stating that she’s from Seattle and that her dad was a xenobotanist who spliced two genuses and named the offspring after her. Dahj clearly feels like she’s losing her sense of self if she is not real, but Picard tells her that her beautiful memories are hers and that no one can touch it or take it away. Picard’s insistent kindness and compassion are just SO VERY IMPORTANT. It is not always in entertainment media that we get these unabashedly kind characters, especially with male characters. And sometimes I think Star Trek is the only kind of show where truly kind and loving male characters are allowed to thrive because that’s the world we expect it to be. But even so, having characters like Picard, an older white male in a place of authority, still being so kind and caring and willing to help people instead of judging them, is important. Because this allows younger generations watching this to have someone good to be their role model, to teach and instill in them that kindness is what you need to have more of in this world. I am especially thankful that new Trek has been able to bring forth these kinds of kind characters, and especially white male characters. We see it with Picard, and we saw it with Christopher Pike in Discovery season 2. Both of these characters’ kindness is what allows others to not only feel safe, but allow people a place to grow and learn, and to have people standing in their corner even when they feel alone. That sense of safety and love, like having a safety blanket over you, is so essential to characters that are eschewing the toxic masculinity that is often very prevalent in entertainment media these days. In many ways, Star Trek, through Picard and Pike, are pointedly stating that men, especially white men, being kind and understanding, is not something to be belittled or dismissed, but rather important things because kindness is its own super power, and it’s with that kindness and love that they can stand up to institutions’ whose ideals have gone astray. Picard standing up to Starfleet is really no different than the scene of Pike calling out Starfleet’s use of drones and stating that “giving up our values in the name of security is to lose the battle in advance.” 

Principled and kind lead white male characters are what we need more of these days. 

Picard insists to Dahj that she was “lovingly and deliberately created” and that “You are dear to me in ways that you can’t understand, I will never leave you.” And adding that they will go to Okinawa to the Daystrom Institute and get this all figured out. He brightens up when Dahj mentions her having been accepted into the institute, happy for her even if Dahj is no longer happy anymore after all that’s happened. Picard reminds her “You are the daughter of a man who was all meaning, all courage, be like him”

This whole thing of him talking about Data to Dahj is just really emotional, you can see how much he wants to protect her, and how he genuinely means it that he will not leave her. And you can sense the guilt that still clings to him about Data dying for him.

Of course, nice moment again gets interrupted by Romulan assassins, because Romulans just love to ruin your nice moments. Dahj notices someone coming after them and runs with Picard, who can’t really keep up with her. They get to the roof and the assassins start shooting. Dahj tells Picard to stay down and gets on with some serious ass kicking. Again, as I said earlier, this whole fight scene is just so well done. The action is steady that you know exactly what is happening at all time and what she is doing and who she is fighting. You’re not lost, it’s not shaky and blurry. 

One of the assassins gets his helmet taken off and as he falls down the stairs, Picard notices that they are Romulan. Another assassin gets knocked over a railing but seems to beam away. Dahj is about to shoot another one when this assassin bites down on a capsule and spews out some kind of liquid acid which gets on the gun and on Dahj’s face and her clothing. She and Picard exchanged a horrified look, she screams and Picard tries to reach for her as the energy gun blows up and Picard is knocked back and blacks out.

Now this moment was certainly a surprise. Through all the marketing, they kept talking about Dahj being the mysterious girl, they never mentioned someone else, so we just always thought it was one character. And I remember looking at the trailers and thinking, did Dahj get out of the cube and run to Picard and then gets taken back to the cube somehow and Picard has to go get her again? But it looks like they were just hiding the surprise of the twins in plain sight and we just didn’t have the information to realize it until now. Dahj’s death is certainly very tragic. Though I don’t know you could call it fridging a female character given that she was always meant to be a catalyst role so they could get to saving her sister? I’m not sure, simply because the story is set up in this way and I’m not sure it would work as well if they told it another way simply just to avoid character death. But perhaps someone would disagree.

But we get back to the Chateau where Picard wakes up after having numerous flashes of previous scenes that’s happened. We see Laris and Zhaban worriedly leaning over him as he’s laid up on the couch. He’s got a bad knock but other than that he’s okay. Picard reveals that Dahj is dead and Zhaban and Laris are surprised because the police didn’t mention her. They only said that Picard was alone when they found him on the roof. There was no one else on the security but him running. Zhaban suggests Dahj could have had a cloaking device and that’s why she wasn’t seen on their property feed either, and Picard thinks it may have activated automatically. So this explains why Dahj couldn’t be seen. But this doesn’t necessarily explain why even the Romulan assassins weren’t seen either or why the police said he was found alone. Which means that between the time the police found him, someone, possibly Romulans, could have wiped all the traces of what happened, and maybe even administered some healing stuff on Picard. OR as some have suggested, it could be that the Federation police could be involved in it, maybe it is some massive cover up. Maybe the Federation is infiltrated somehow by Romulan agents. This certainly wouldn’t be unusual tactics for the Tal Shiar, and we know even back in Discovery, the Klingons made one of them look like a human just so he could be a sleeper agent. So there’s no reason to not think that Romulans couldn’t do the same. 

Picard tells Zhaban and Laris that Dahj was a synthetic and that the assassins were Romulans, which surprises both of them, given that they are Romulans, can’t be easy to hear their people are up to something shady. Of course Laris and Zhaban wants him to rest and that he’s done a lot for everyone. But Picard delivers a really powerful and brilliant line that really explains a lot of things.

He says: “Sitting here, after all these years, nursing my offended dignity, writing books of history people prefer to forget, I never asked anything of myself at all. I haven’t been living, I’ve been waiting to die.”

If you look back to the interview when the interviewer asks him why he left Starfleet, that he left in protest, and how angry he got. I think Picard left Starfleet to try to force their hand to help, essentially doing a last desperate bid of if you want me then you better go help these people. And Starfleet basically called his bluff and let him go. That is the “offended dignity” that he’s been nursing. That he tried to do something, using his reputation and importance, and Starfleet basically said, yeah okay, you can go then. I think, more than just Starfleet and the Federation deciding to withdraw, he felt a personal betrayal. The organization that he had given everything to didn’t even bother to fight for its ideals or fight to hold onto him, they gave up on their ideals and they gave up on him, so therefore, he lost faith in them as well. And all this time he’s been wallowing in anger, guilt, and essentially being the spectator that he said he didn’t want to be. He’s been wallowing in self pity, and in that moment, he’s realized that’s not what he wants to do, he’s not going to just slink away from his duties like Starfleet did, he’s now going to do something about it.

We then go to a new location, finally the Daystrom Institute on screen for the first time, in Okinawa. There is this little orbital station in the sky, it looked like one of those stations from The Girl Who Made The Stars Short Trek that young Michael and her dad were on.

Picard meets up with Dr. Agnes Jurati, and asks if it’s possible to make a sentient android out of flesh and blood, she laughs. I find her to be very adorable, a quirky scientist type but not entirely socially awkward, so it’s not the full on nerd girl trope. Once she realizes that he’s serious, she tells him that “even before the ban, a flesh and blood android was in our sights, but a sentient one, not for a thousand years”. She also notes that a sentient synthetic inside and out was the grand slam they were hoping for.

She leads Picard into the Federation’s Division of Advanced Synthetic Research – now a ghost town - because the Androids that attacked Mars came from this very lab - so now they can only operate theoretically – study, publish, run simulations, but they can’t make anything because it would be a violation of galactic treaty.

Jurati shows the drawer containing B-4 to Picard, says he was an inferior copy of Data, but noting that Data tried to download the contents of his neural net into B-4 before his death, almost all of it was lost. Note that she said ALMOST all of it. Which means that they did have some pieces of Data to create things from him. She also brings up Bruce Maddox, whom we saw in the TNG episode “The Measure of a Man”, and despite him trying to get Data to be declared property, we know that he and Data did keep in contact afterwards. Jurati says that Maddox recruited her out of Starfleet, and apparently they came close to create other synths like Data before Data died, and then when they got shut down, it crushed Maddox and he disappeared after the ban.

Now, I suspect that someone may have taken Maddox, and maybe used him to somehow get the synths to go rogue and attack Mars. Maybe even got him to somehow bring down the defense nets. And maybe Maddox could have even created Dahj and her sister Soji for whoever is controlling him as well? Agnes does say that if they had Data’s neural net, then making a flesh and blood body is relative simple, but Picard says Data’s neurons died with him, and thus Jurati says that’s why she kept telling Picard it wasn’t possible to create any other synths. Picard then shows Jurati the necklace from Dahj, and Jurati recognizes that the symbol is for fractal neuronic cloning, an idea of Maddox’s where the theory was that Data’s entire code, even his memories, could be reconstituted from a single positronic neuron. 

So given that Jurati said they almost lost all of Data, I assume Maddox took that bit of Data they still had from B-4 and somehow got his theory to work to make Dahj and her sister, modeled from Data’s painting. 

Picard learns that the cloning would be created in pairs, twins, realizing that there is another one. And showing us who were surprised at Dahj’s death that the rest of the season must be with the sister instead.

I’m still not entirely sure if Jurati knows something more about what’s going or not. I also don’t know if maybe she helped Maddox create the twins? It’s possible but maybe she is also just a good person and I’m being way too suspicious. But who knows. Anything is possible. TV is making it hard for me to trust people.

Then we get this beautiful transition shot from Dahj’s necklace symbol to a similar shaped rings of light in space as a new looking Romulan warbird flies through space and reaches the Romulan Reclamation Site.

We get the first shot of Narek walking through some smoke with purpose as the Romulan theme from TOS episode “Balance of Terror” plays on in the background like the Imperial March every time with Darth Vader. I LOVE this newly updated rendition. Honestly, someone please give Jeff Russo some awards because his music in this episode is just SO SPOT ON!

Narek is clearly the president of the Romulan division of the Emo Spock Fashion Fan Club? I’m just waiting for him to actually be Spock’s secret son with some Romulan, I mean, we know Spock was on Romulus for a time. And Narek sound close to Sarek. (I’m secretly hoping for this because it would just be hilarious to me!)

He meets with Doctor Soji Asha, Dahj’s twin. I noted that Dahj sounds like an Indian name perhaps? And Soji is a Japanese name. Which seem to be appropriate given that actress Isa Briones is also Asian, being part Filipino, and having spoken about Asian representation in entertainment. 

Narek comments on her necklace, which Soji says her father made it, one for her and one for her sister. There was some confusion as to if only Soji knew about her having a sister, but as the earlier call list from Dahj shows, she knew about Soji too. They clearly just held it back from showing it for this reveal. Narek says he had a brother and they were really close but that he lost him last year very unexpectedly. I have a feeling we will get to see what went on with that, or maybe we even know who his brother may be? I originally thought it was Elnor, but I don’t think it works with what we know about both characters, as Elnor was said to have been raised by female warrior monks? So the “last year” comment wouldn’t work for timeline purposes. So the brother is likely someone else who died in 2398, again I don’t know this may be a character we know from any other of the older Trek shows.

He’s clearly trying to flirt with her and get close to her. He also notes that she spends her day fixing “broken people”, so is she fixing Borg survivors or androids or maybe both? We do see in the this season promo of her with Hugh somehow, and other people who look like they got implants, so are the Romulans kidnapping Borg survivors and trying to use them to make androids or something?

Anyways, Narek seem to succeed in ingratiating himself to Soji, looking like they’ll be spending some time together. And the camera then pulls back to reveal the site is in a Borg cube. Meanwhile, that beautiful Romulan theme comes back and plays til the end of the episode.

There’s a “this season on” promo that I’ll probably talk about maybe in a separate post. But YAY we have reached the end of this LONG analysis. If you’ve managed to get through all of it. I commend you and thank you for reading my ramblings.

This episode was a really solid start, setting up great characters and mystery, and reminding us why we love Jean-Luc Picard.

I can’t wait to see where the story will take us next and meet the rest of the cast!!!!!!!!