#(and if i really wanted to i might just do it anyway even if it‘s neither perfect nor read by anyone)

[icradledyouinmyarmstm]

Hey would anyone still read new klance fanfic by people who have never before written fanfic? Asking for a friend

[harstyle]

pretty

Summary: Your good friend Harry Styles might just be the hottest, most gentleman-liest guy you‘ve ever laid eyes on, so it really is a shame that you‘re not his type. featuring lotsss of pining, insecurities on both sides and a hefty crying sesh (it‘s all a bit pathetic and cheesy really😭)

Pairing: uni-student!y/n + uni-student!harry

Word Count: 6.2k

—

“You’re beautiful, y’know that?”

He was impossibly close, nose mere inches away from hers, and held this expression that could easily make her cry if only she looked at it long enough. Y/N couldn’t handle the pressure of the moment, his intense eyes on hers. It was something out of a romance movie.

And she was left so speechless that all she could say to him was: “uh, t-thanks. Thanks. You too.” It wasn‘t like she disagreed with him, but the sheer intensity, the closeness with which he delivered his compliment made her weak at the knees.

He smiled at her like he’d known she would cower away and brushed some stray hairs away from her eyes. “James doesn’t deserve you. You know that, right?”

In full transparency, Y/N had forgotten all about James. She’d forgotten the reason for her tears the moment Harry had shown up at her flat to give her that long hug she’d been needing.

The only reason James had stumbled into her life at all was Harry anyway. Call it a distraction, a means to numb the jealousy she felt whenever she saw Harry out with another girl.

“I get it, though. I should’ve known he’d be that way, people warned me before going out with him. That he only takes out cheerleaders. Should’ve known he did it for a laugh.”

Harry was similar to James in that regard— he had a type and everyone knew it. Y/N didn’t fall under his category of ‘girls to date’. She often wondered why she always went for guys who would never even look in her direction— a bit of self hatred, maybe. A will to punish herself.

“Hey, stop that. You’re beautiful. Don’t find excuses for his behavior.”

“I’m not, I just… I should’ve seen it coming, is all.”

“No, what we’re not going to do is blame ourselves for other people’s mistakes. James fucked up. He did. And that’s it. You move on, you come back stronger and show him he didn’t leave even a tiny scratch.”

“You’re right. Of course.”

He smiled, “do you feel better?”

“A bit,” Y/N nodded with a sturdy exhale, “thanks for being there for me always. I really appreciate it.”

“What are best friend for, ey?”

It never felt less unnerving to hear those words coming out of his mouth. And really, she knew that realistically they were nothing more, but sometimes, especially late at night when no one was around and all of her uni stress had been shoved into a closet for the day, Y/N let herself believe it was real. That he liked her back. She needed to get a grip and open her eyes to the cold harsh truth; that a friend was all she would ever be in his eyes.

She swallowed a lump in her throat and averted her eyes towards her interlinked fingers. “Yeah.”

“You okay?”

Y/N had long mastered the art of feigning a smile, so it came easily for her to flash her teeth at Harry in this moment.

“Course. Let’s make some dinner, I’m hungry.”

—

“Hey, it’s Y/N right?”

Y/N had seen this girl around before. She remembered because every time she would pass by on campus, Y/N had to admire her beauty; how her makeup always seemed effortless and her clothes complimented her perfect figure in just the right way, how her hair was always in a wave that Y/N could never perfectly recreate and her walk never droopy or tired, perfected by an angelic touch.

Y/N didn’t know this girl, but she’d always wanted to be like her.

“Yeah, hi.” Despite the inherent intimidation, Y/N smiled at her, “can I help you?”

Y/N felt ugly standing in front of her. She’d had to rush out of bed this morning for her analysis class, forgotten mascara and her staple lip balm. She looked monstrously unwell.

“My name’s Iris, I was wondering… god, this is a bit embarrassing, but you’re good friends with Harry, right?”

Y/N saw where this was going off of the jump. It happened way too often for her not to.

And her heart broke just a little more then, because so far, it’d been random girls she’d known stood no chance with Harry. But Iris was just perfectly crafted for him, cookie cutter pretty and impressively confident. She had everything Y/N was still hastily working on.

“Uh, yeah.”

“I was wondering if you could give him my number? I saw him at the party last night and we chatted for a bit, but I forgot to write it down for him.”

Y/N had been at that party too, she just hadn’t seen that. Harry had barely even left her side. Must’ve been when she‘d gone to the bathroom.

“Oh, sure.”

“Great! Thank you so much.”

Iris handed her a little post it with her digits written along with a lovely note about having had a fun time.

Y/N walked to her 8am analysis class with a crucial feeling of hatred for the world and everything in it bubbling in her chest.

—

“Hi, babe.” Harry pressed a kiss to Y/N’s cheek like it was normal before finding his reserved seat next to her, surprising both her and their friends. If Kacy was all too shocked, though, she didn‘t show it, simply widening her grin in response to Harry‘s presence. “Hi, guys.”

“You finally showed up!” Kacy exclaimed, drawing the attention on him with her loud voice. Harry was so busy that he could be hard to track down, which made him an easy target for the occasional jab. In all fairness, he’d seen Y/N almost every day, just not his other friends— and in full honesty, that had been enough for him.

“Yeah, sorry, finals week.”

“Y/N found the time,” Sebastian chimed in, tone laced with a tinge of earnestness, although Y/N and Harry could tell he was only teasing.

Harry retorted fairly quickly, “cause she has no other social life.”

At Harry’s words Y/N turned her head at him, mouth dropping open in genuine offense. She couldn’t do anything other than laugh, but really she should’ve hit him for saying that. “So you’re a whore and a backstabber!”

Harry cackled, that beautiful laugh escaping his mouth and blessing her ears, pulling her into his side and hugging around her frame. “I’m only joking!”

“Whatever. I’m not speaking to you the rest of the night.”

“Sure. You try that and we’ll see how that works out for you, babe.”

Everyone but them saw what their future could look like if they both stopped being stubborn and admitted their feelings for one another. Even sitting here, Kacy could see the way Y/N’s lips molded into a smile at Harry’s touch and the way he beamed whenever she played into his antics. Their bond was effortless in the way many couples wished theirs to be— it looked so easy for them to mesh together. Their friends knew they could be happy together and it frustrated them to see no progress being done.

By the end of the night, Y/N and Harry were blubbering drunk messes leaving the bar together. Y/N had taken it upon herself to call the uber back to his for the night.

“God, that was sooo fun,” Harry slurred out, “shame they’re closing soon.”

“You should come more often, we do this every week!”

Both Y/N and Harry were all smiles, looking at each other with excitement radiating from their bodies. It’d been long since they’d really let go.

“I’m so happy you’re here with me, you know that?”

Her heart rate plummeted.

Sometimes Harry said things drunk that wouldn’t pass as ‘normal’ when sober. He was close, grinning at her like a puppy in love and spoke with such confidence that Y/N was sure he couldn’t have not meant it.

“I’m happy you’re here, too, H.”

“No, like seriously though. You’re the best person I know.”

Heat rushed to Y/N’s cheeks. He was really testing her waters here.

“Oi, shut it. What do you want from me? Why’re you buttering me up?”

Harry shrugged, “nothin’. You really are. Just accept the compliment.”

“Fine,” Y/N smiled in a bashful manner, “thank you.”

“You’re very welcome.”

Y/N stared at her boots, grinning to herself. Comfortable silence went on for a few short minutes, just the sound of the wind wafting by and quiet, calm breathing. Occasionally a car they looked up to to check it wasn’t their ride.

It was such a nice atmosphere.

Y/N was sure nothing could ruin this night for her. She was so happy, so careless in the way uni had long prohibited her from being. She wanted to exist in her little snug bubble forever, a place to hide from the real world with the person she admired most. She‘d sacrifice anything if she could keep this feeling for a bit longer.

And then, as if the universe disagreed with Y/N‘s pursuit of happiness, a needle set out to burst her bubble.

That needle was Harry, and outside of the bubble, it was cold.

“Can I kiss you?”

The ground beneath her shattered at his words.

Was he… serious?

Because this was her dream. If he‘d been serious, then her dreams had come true in exactly the worst way.

Y/N had wanted a kiss from Harry since they’d become friends all those years ago, but not like this. Not drunk. Not on some stupid impulse. Not when they would wake up and realize it had been a mistake in a few hours. If she’d been willing to risk their relationship because of one shortlived kiss, she would’ve done it a long time ago.

He couldn’t do this to her! He couldn’t do this because to her, this wasn’t just fun. It wasn’t a cute little memory to look back on. Oh remember when we got drunk and kissed? Wasn’t that so funny? No, to her this was more. It was her whole livelihood, the cruxes which her heart depended on. It sounded so ridiculous, but that was what love had done with her.

So although it hurt more than anything she’d ever had to do, Y/N shook her head. Her head barely moved, like her brain was plotting against it as well as her heart, but it did shake just enough to give him an inkling.

“Don’t think that’s a good idea.”

He was quiet for a few seconds (although she could feel his eyes burning a hole into her) before eventually retorting with a weakened, “why not?”.

“You’re drunk.”

“Been wanting to for a long time, Y/N.”

“Harry,” she stressed, voice quivering. Her next words came out in a whisper, “shut up.”

This time, he surrendered.

They waited for their uber in complete silence and when it came for them to sleep, Harry chose to stay on the couch instead of sharing the bed with her. Although Y/N was excruciatingly tired, she couldn’t for the life of her close her eyes.

She’d fucked up so badly.

—

Y/N felt slightly out of place as she slid into Harry’s kitchen in the morning. She looked at him already sat at the breakfast table with an array of pastries waiting.

“Hey.”

Harry nodded, “hi, help yourself. Went to the bakery on my run.”

“Thanks,” she murmured quietly, almost to herself. She was too scared to look at him.

“I don’t want it to be awkward between us, so I’ll just cut to the chase: I’m sorry about last night. I know I was drunk and weird and it won’t happen again. You were right.”

Y/N’s eyebrows shot up just slightly, the sheer surprise evident on her features. He was really bringing it up now!

“… right about…?”

“Bout it not being a good idea. I’ve never… I was really out of it, you know? Wouldn’t have asked you otherwise.”

Wow. Yes, obviously it would’ve been a mistake, Y/N knew that more than anyone. But his apology did more damage than good. It was like a knife was being pushed through her chest, agonizingly slow as to make it more painful. Harry had confirmed exactly how uninterested he was in trying anything more with her and it just about devastated her. And yes, in all fairness, it was unjust because she’d been the one to reject him last night but a tiny sliver of hope that he would reach out his arms and say ‘I still feel the same, I still want to kiss you!’ had still possessed her delusional mind all night.

“Oh, that. Yeah.”

Harry tried to catch her eyes, “so are we cool?”

“We’re cool.”

Y/N was barely floating now. She didn’t want to eat, didn’t want to be here, didn’t want to exist.

It hurt too much to exist sometimes.

“Y/N?”

She snapped out of it. “Hm? yeah?”

“You okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine. You just reminded me of this girl I met yesterday, Iris,“ her shaking hand slid into her pocket to find the little note she‘d kept stored and handed it to him without making eye contact. Her body was on fire.

“Oh.”

“She wanted me to give you her number, said something about a party where you lot met.”

Y/N watched as realization dawned on him, probably a fleeting memory of Iris now soberly imprinted on his mind. She could imagine all the ways in which he thought about somebody like Iris, somebody who would be so perfect for him.

“Right. Thank you.”

“No problem. I should probably head out to mine and get a few uni things done before I get too lazy.”

Unprompted, Harry ignored her statement. She had a feeling he didn’t even want to hear her. “I didn’t want to text her. Completely forgot about her, actually.”

Y/N couldn’t find the answer as to why.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I didn’t… I don’t really like her like that.”

“Really? Iris was under the impression that… I mean, maybe she’s mistaken, but she told me about your little hangout sesh and it seemed nice, you know?” Harry’s eyes held something a little different— confusion, curiosity and a bit of sadness. It drove Y/N crazy deciphering him. “And Iris seems exactly like the type of girl you’d like.”

Then his eyebrows drew together, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

Y/N shrugged, body sinking and slowly becoming one with the chair, “just… pretty, is all.”

“A lot of girls are pretty, Y/N, doesn’t mean I automatically wanna date them when I talk to them once.”

“Yeah, but… Iris is your kind of pretty. She’s confident and I’m sure she’s funny.”

“My kind of pretty? What are you implying?”

“Nothing! Jesus, Harry, I just think Iris would be a good fit for you. She’s your type, is all.”

Harry scoffed like he took offense to Y/N’s reply, “and I’m sure you know exactly what my type is, huh? Cause I’m so surface level that I’m only into the same girl, yeah? What, blonde and tall?”

“Harry, that’s not—“

“Then what do you mean to say by that?”

“I just—“

“You’re boxing me together with that dickhead James!”

“No, Harry, I’m not— and if you would just listen to me, you’d understand that!” Y/N finally broke, raising her voice by a few notches so Harry would hear her over his loud accusations. “I’m not implying to you, by thinking you might be into her, that you’re surface level. I’m just saying, Iris seems like she would be your type because in the past, you’ve gone for girls like her. That isn’t bad, okay? I’m not criticizing, just pointing out. You’re into pretty girls.”

“Prettiness is subjective, Y/N, and what you’re doing right now is putting me in a box. What does that even mean, pretty girls? Clearly you’re implying I only date girls that are conventionally attractive because that’s my definition of pretty.”

“So what if it is? I didn’t say it’s anything bad,” Y/N leaned back in the chair, volume lowering as if she couldn’t argue with that statement. “Everybody’s allowed a type.”

“It’s just… you’re using the word type in a derogatory way.”

“How the fuck am I using the word type in a derogatory way?”

“Sounds like you’re saying I’m some dickhead who only goes off of looks. Only goes for tall blonde girls cause they’re tall blonde girls and not because they’re nice people.”

“When did I say that?!” Y/N was bewildered by this. She hadn’t meant anything bad by it! “I have a type too, you know that! And that’s okay!”

“Oh yeah fucking tell me about your type, Y/N, go on.”

“What is your problem?”

“My problem is that you were just crying about James only dating cheerleaders a week ago and now you’re here putting the same thing on me!” Y/N breathed out in distress, finding less ways of deescalating the situation. “Be honest, then, what do you really think of me?”

“What are you even… I love you, H, I’m your best friend, I would never dream of insulting you. I was just saying that you seem to have a type, which there is nothing with!”

“So then what does pretty mean?”

“Just… pretty, okay? Don’t read too much into it.”

“No, I want to hear it. Describe pretty to me.” The word pretty had been spoken out so many times in such vain, that its meaning had became trivial at best.

“I don’t know, H, Girls like Jess, Angelina, Diana, Elle… which, if you were to write out their characteristics; they’re all blonde, tall, skinny girls. I’m not saying that you go off of looks, but I do think you have preferences, and that’s fine. That’s healthy, even.”

Then he scoffed again, but significantly quieter this time around. “Right, you brought the fucking receipts to the table, didn’t you? Do you usually think so lowly of me everywhere you go?”

It hurt to have this distance between her and Harry. They’d always gotten along so well before, so why did this have to become what it had? It had all come out of nowhere and Y/N didn’t have the strength or the energy to lose the one thing she constantly depended on to be okay.

“I don’t… Harry, I don’t think lowly of you. I just thought that you might like Iris.”

“I’m sure you did then.”

“Harry,” she sighed, “please, I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

“I didn’t, got it perfectly clear. So one question though, am I allowed to like brunettes? Or is that too daring?”

“Harry, stop. Why are you being such a dickhead?”

“I’m being a dickhead?”

“Yes, you are.”

“At least I have history with girls for you to come to that conclusion yourself, right? Maybe when you find the courage to actually talk to a guy I’ll be able to find out what your kind of pretty is.”

And it wasn’t meant to be a jab, surely, at least not a terribly painful one, but it hit Y/N stronger than she would have liked. Who was he, making fun of her dating life? This wasn’t the Harry who reassured her after every pathetic bad date, who convinced her that it would be okay if she didn’t find her man straight away as long as she was happy. She’d loved Harry for a year now and there was something so liberating in exploring unknown territory, in partaking in the so called ‘chase’ (maybe somewhat masochistic, liking the torment of the unknown) but that feeling came to a full stop now that it had become clear that Harry didn’t love her back. Before, it had been speculation— now, it was real. And although she’d expected pain, this was cold blooded torture.

Harry didn’t look regretful, but that was because he had no idea what his words actually meant for her. Sometimes she wondered how the people she loved most could hurt her so much as to kick her down to the ground and repeatedly stomp on her lifeless body.

Without a word, Y/N stiffened her shoulders in an attempt to seem stronger and stood up from the table with a low intake of breath.

“Y/N.”

“Fuck you, Harry,” she muttered quietly but defiantly as she slipped on her shoes and opened the door out.

She didn’t have anywhere to go, but she knew anywhere else would suffice better than here.

—

Y/N wasn’t even surprised when she saw Harry and Iris arriving at the party together with the biggest smiles on their faces. Kacy turned to her and widened her eyes, motioning to the couple by the door with a questioning stare. Y/N simply shrugged.

She’d been hurting by herself, cramped away in her flat with a bottle of wine and three boxes of tissues and hoping for a little break when Kacy had asked her out tonight— but here he was, ready to ruin her minute of relief.

“She gave him her number through me last week… guess he finally called her.” Y/N explained, lowering her voice. “We haven’t talked since that morning after the bar.”

Kacy’s eyes widened again, because the last time Y/N had spent so much time away from Harry had been Christmas— and even then, they’d called each other every day.

“Why?”

Y/N simply shook her head, unwilling to elaborate. All Kacy could do was pull her into a tight hug and ask her what she wanted to do next.

“I just…” Y/N’s breaths shook, “I’m so tired, Kace.”

And although Y/N had never brought up the topic of Harry, Kacy knew exactly what she was referring to and her heart broke for her friend.

“Let’s go to one of the bedrooms.”

Y/N gave a stuffy nod and followed as Kacy lead the way upstairs.

Once they sat down, Y/N began to open her mouth. Her arms hugged around her own frame and tears were building in her eyes.

“Talk to me, Y/N. What happened?”

“He… I don’t know, Kace, he just got so mad at me. I was giving him Iris’ number and he said that he didn’t like her. I told him he should probably call her because I think she’d be good for him— I think I said ‘she’s your type’ or something like that, which is a normal thing to say! And then he went ballistic on me.” Y/N sniffed her nose, “I was just trying to be nice. He started accusing me of finding him surface level even though I implied no such thing.“

“Oh, honey,” it was through Kacy’s pitiful expression that Y/N noticed the ugly tears cascading down her swollen cheeks. “I don’t wanna make you feel worse, babe, but that doesn’t sound like Harry. Maybe you worded something wrong? Or he just heard you wrong?”

“No, I tried multiple times to clear it up, but he kept the attitude.”

“What did he say?”

“Well, I said that he likes pretty girls and he said what do you mean pretty girls? and so I described what I thought his type was, which is tall blondes, you know? And I even said that having preferences is healthy and that I don’t mind but he thought I was boxing him in. But don’t you agree? Isn’t that his type?” Kacy took too long to answer, making Y/N grow insecure, “Come on, he only dates tall blondes!”

“That’s not even true, Y/N. What about Vanessa?”

She rolled her eyes, “fine, one tall redhead.”

“It’s not that, it’s just… I think he was offended because he thought you were calling him some kind of jerk who only goes off of looks.”

“But he’s… he’s great, Kace, really, and I love him, but he does always date attractive supermodel type girls. I mean, good for him, but you know? And I don’t at all think I’m ugly, I think I’m pretty, but not his kind of pretty.”

“Okay, but… okay, what were you talking about before the whole Iris thing?”

“It’s a long story,” Y/N groaned, head falling into her hands, “when we were drunk he asked me if he could kiss me. I said no.”

“What?! Why would you say no?”

“Because we were drunk! And then the next morning he said I was right, that it would’ve been a mistake and we would’ve regretted it.”

Kacy’s mouth was kind of wide open, “and then you brought up Iris?”

“Yes, because I needed a change of topic.”

“But right after that he said he didn’t like Iris.”

“Yes.”

“And then you accused him of being surface level and he got mad?”

“Kacy, I literally didn’t! I—“ Y/N stopped defending herself because she knew she couldn’t cheat her way out of it. “Yes, maybe, okay? So what?”

“So he totally loves you.”

At that point Y/N started laughing— a genuine laugh made its way out of her mouth and she started shaking her head. Her laugh simmered down to a little chuckle and then she got tears in her eyes again. It was taxing to have feelings sometimes.

“Right, sure. Hope you stretched before you took that fucking reach! He said right before that he’d never have asked if he was sober.”

“He was saving face because you refused to kiss him.”

“Kacy, no,” she sighed, “don’t feed me that bullshit. You’re going to give me hope and I can’t take any more of that, okay?”

“He got mad you think he only likes blondes because he loves you and you don’t even see it,” Kacy elaborated even further, which bothered Y/N on so many levels.

“I can’t, Kace,” Y/N cried, covering her eyes with her palms and letting the tears flow out, “I’m so fucking tired of feeling unwanted and like I’m not enough. Like whatever I do, there’s still some other girl who gets his attention. I can’t go on loving him and being his second girl every day. He goes on bad sex dates and comes home to me, goes to parties where he does body shots off of other girls, and then cuddles me in bed. I just can’t do it. One day he’ll get married and expect me to be his best man and that’s way more than I can take.”

“Look, I understand, but all you need to do is talk to him.”

“I can’t!”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to lose him.”

“Isn’t it better to lose him now than to feel like this every day and lose him in a few years when you’ve physically broken yourself down over it? Isn’t it better to know? I know you won’t lose him because I see the way he looks at you and I see how he treats you. And he’d be stupid not to like you back. But if I‘m wrong, wouldn‘t it still be better to know?“

“No. I can do without knowing. If he knows and he doesn’t feel the same it’ll be weird and I can’t lose him. I can’t, Kace, he’s the only thing holding me together. Look at me, I’m such a fucking mess.”

“Y/N, eyes up,” Kacy ordered, taking ahold of Y/N’s forearm and forcing her to look at her, “you’re allowed little moments of weakness. Love does crazy things sometimes. You need to tell him or you’ll regret it the rest of your life.”

Y/N’s eyes stung hard.

The door opened in that moment, forcing the sound of the music into the otherwise quiet room with a force. Both girls looked up to find Harry by the door, his eyebrows drawn together in concern at the sight of his teary eyed best friend. It didn’t matter what they were going through, their bond was strong enough for him to know something was seriously wrong.

“Are you okay?”

It was then that Kacy took her cue to leave, to Y/N’s dismay, and stood up from the chair to let Harry take her place. She closed the door behind her to give the two of them privacy.

“Y/N, you okay?”

“Yeah,” she tried to smile, though due to the tears it was clear as day that she was perpetually telling him lies whenever he asked her that question. “I’m okay.”

“Hey, come on,” he whispered into the quiet, inching closer to trap her chin between his fingers, “tell me what’s wrong. Did some asshole hurt you?”

“Yeah,” she nodded with a small sniffle. The asshole is you. “I’m just… having boy trouble. It’s okay. You should go back to the party.”

“Fuck the party. Who hurt you? Do you want me to go beat him up? Did he touch you?” He’d started raking over her body to check for bruises, a tick in his jaw.

“No! God, no, I’ll get over it.” I couldn’t ever get over you. “Isn’t Iris waiting for you? I saw you arrive together.”

“Oh,” his features hardened for a split second. Y/N blinked and it was gone. “No, we ran into each other outside and talked for a bit. She asked me out, so… I think I’m going to go.”

It was like he was testing her, staring into her eyes to capture the exact moment she crumbled. But she didn’t. She held her head high and gave a subtle nod. “Sounds good.”

He sighed. It was quiet and could almost be classified as a simple exhale, but she knew it wasn’t.

“So who’s the guy?”

Sometimes he could be so oblivious that Y/N wondered how he’d made it so far in life. Surely he was only playing the part, right?

“Doesn’t matter,” Y/N shrugged. She was starting to cry again. “He’s insignificant.” You could never be insignificant to me.

“Should I talk to him?”

Yeah, that would be good. “No, no, it’s fine. I’ll just… get over him.”

“Well I don’t like seeing you hurt, baby,” he tilted his head, cupping over her jaw and brushing over her skin delicately. The room was dimly lit to make it all the more romantic, but Y/N couldn’t fully be immersed in it. “No guy is worth your tears. You’re beautiful and brave and so so funny. I’m so lucky to have you in my life, Y/N. You’re the most perfect girl there ever was and if he can’t see that, then he doesn’t deserve you.”

He couldn’t do this to her. He couldn’t speak of her the way she always wished he would speak of her, but not mean it. It showed her what he was capable of— loving her, paying her attention the right way. She was left shattered.

“See, you say that, but you…” Y/N broke down in tears, “but nobody ever means it.”

He tilted her head up so he could stare deeply into her eyes and utter his next words in full honesty, “I mean it. I promise you, Y/N, I mean what I said with everything I have in my body. I mean it every time I say it when I’m drunk and I mean it when I’m sober. I mean it when you’ve just woken up and I mean it when we’re studying together at night. I mean it and I will always mean it.”

Instead of making her happy, his words made her cry even more.

“Harry,” she cried, bending her neck forward so the top of her head rested on his chin, “it hurts so much.”

“Come on, baby, it’s not worth it.” Then he started kissing the crown of her head, moving down to her temple and rubbing circles into her shoulders. “It’s not worth it.”

But he was worth it. He clouded her vision and made her feel lightheaded. He had the power to make her cry and the power to make her so unbelievably happy that she couldn’t imagine having ever been unhappy. He made her wonder how she could’ve lived such a mediocre, painful life before he’d entered it— that was the kind of power he possessed.

Y/N didn’t have to think twice about kissing him, she just did. She looked up at Harry and inched closer to rest her lips on his, and it caused emotions in her body she didn’t even know were possible. Harry seemed surprised but he caught on fairly quickly, letting her take the lead in the kiss until it’d been a few seconds and he felt her deepening it.

He pulled away, eyes finally opening.

She was startled. “Sorry, did I hurt you?”

He shook his head gently, letting a reassuring smile sit on his lips, “no, but I’m worried about you. I don’t think it’s a good idea to do this when you’re crying over another guy, you know? I don’t want to be your numbing medication.”

“You’re… not,” her eyebrows drew together.

“You didn’t want to kiss me last week. It’s seeming like an ‘I miss another guy so I’ll hook up with you to numb the pain’ situation and I just… I don’t want either of us to regret it.”

He was trying to be nice— and he was, really was, but the sinking feeling in Y/N’s stomach worsened.

“That’s because we were drunk last week.”

“You’re hurting over another person, Y/N.”

“He’s not important, I just want to kiss you. I want to mess around with you. Okay? Because I want to, not because I’m into some other dickhead.”

Harry seemed to have trouble believing her, “I can’t.”

“Okay, whatever. It’s fine.” Y/N stood up from her chair, creating some distance between her and Harry and started walking away from him. He held onto her hand though, preventing her from moving too far.

“Y/N, come on.”

“No, genuinely, I don’t want to coerce you into having sex with me, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

She was being honest. She didn’t want Harry to feel like she was using him under false pretenses.

But having him think that was still better than confessing.

“I didn’t think you were coercing me into doing anything, Y/N, I just don’t want you to regret it.”

“Yeah,” tears built in her eyes again and she bit her lip to hold them in, “you’re a really good guy, Harry.”

When he stood up to offer her comfort, she immediately took a step back and held her hand in front of her in an effort to force him away. “Please don’t.”

“Y/N…” He looked pained and thoroughly confused at her cold behavior. Harry knew she tended to close off whenever she felt bad about herself, but that had applied mostly to other people. Harry, on the other hand, had always been successful in finding a way to pull back her in.

“No, I’m embarrassed. Jesus, I’m such a mess! I was talking about this with Kacy, I‘m just… I‘m all over the place.”

“You’re not a mess. You’re hurting, that’s normal.”

“I just asked you to fuck me, that’s… who the fuck does that? Since when am I like this?”

“Since you’ve been hurt,” he countered, “love makes you do weird things. God knows I get a bit crazy too when I’m in love.”

“No you don’t,” she said to him, voice hoarse and uncomfortable, “you’re fucking Mr. Perfect. Everyone loves you and you’re hot and you’ve got the brilliant mind. You can’t do anything wrong.”

“Everyone doesn’t love me,” he replied with a leveled tone, “if everyone loved me, I’d be with the girl of my dreams right now. But I’m not, so… not everyone.”

“Can’t fucking imagine that,” Y/N muttered, wiping under her eyes. “You probably just communicate badly and she doesn’t know you love her.”

“Same with you.”

Y/N’s heart squeezed painfully in her chest.

“He’s way out of my league.”

“Who is this guy anyway? You’re gonna hype him up to me and not even let me know who it is?”

“He’s, uh…” Y/N walked further away from him and sat down at the edge of the bed, covering her face with her hands, “he’s from uni. Tall, dark brown hair, green eyes, sometimes glasses. He’s really nice but dates girls who are the complete opposite of me. And I just… whenever I look in the mirror, I’m reminded of just how… unattractive I am compared to them— and don’t get me wrong, I’m fine with me but they’re just better. I can’t keep up with it. And god, I feel so pathetic talking about myself like this but he’s just… he‘s so perfect and I love him and I don’t want to lose him. He makes me doubt myself sometimes, you know?“

At the latest he must’ve known now. Y/N could hear his brain professing that information, double and triple checking all possibilities until it dawned on him that she was talking about him.

He cleared his throat, stepping closer. “So he’s… where do you know him from again?”

A short pause before committing to the method, “we met at the fresher’s party three years ago.”

“And you see each other a lot, I assume.”

Y/N was still not looking at him, head buried in her hands.

“We… yeah. We hang out every day. He’s mad at me right now though.”

“So you… you love me.”

She didn’t answer, but she didn’t need to. She’d given up, left it all to fate; if he would turn her away and never talk to her again or ask to continue being friends. It all became obsolete.

“I’m sorry,” she muffled into the palms of her hands.

“D’you wanna hear about the girl I’m in love with? Have been in love with for a year now?” Y/N wanted to shake her head, but she didn’t, so he continued. “She’s from uni too, spends about three nights a week at my flat even though hers is bigger. She can be really distant, but when she gives you attention it’s like the whole world healed. She’s so sweet and considerate and brings me little gifts sometimes and even though she’s damn near perfect, she gets really insecure about things, especially when it comes to her looks and stupid dicks.” Y/N had started looking up at his words, spotting Harry closer to her but not sharing any of her own emotions. He was taking the piss, wasn‘t he? “Locks herself away in her room until she feels ready to leave the flat. She’s selfless, gives me other girls’ numbers even though she’s in love with me— even makes me go on dates even though I’m sure it hurts her feelings whenever I do.”

“You love me?” she sniffled, “I’m not joking about this.”

“I love you, Y/N. I do. S’why I got so mad last week, wanted you to realize that I’m more than some shallow asshole. Didn’t know you felt the same, though.”

“How could you not? I literally get so weird around you these days.”

“Thought it was just stress or something,” he cupped her cheek, thumbing away some tears, “I’m sorry you cried about me, should’ve just said it like a normal person. Just didn’t want to ruin us.”

“Me neither.”

“I’m going to kiss you, okay?”

This kiss was a thousand times better than the last one. Y/N felt giddy as his lips ghosted over hers, as he pulled her up from her seat and sat back down to have her climb over his lap. She breathed into his mouth, ground against his crotch like she was a horny 16 year old girl being touched for the first time. There was no heavy feeling weighing down on her chest, she could just be free of concerns.

After a few minutes of making out, Y/N laughed. She damn near cackled into his mouth and when he questioned her with a confused stare and a cute laugh of his own, she shook her head.

“Remind me to thank Kacy later.”

—

disclaimer: this is NOT meant to offend anyone based on their looks— it‘s just a depiction of a girl feeling insecure because she thinks the guy she loves doesn’t see her the way she wants him to. The description i used of his ‘type’ and the inevitable perception of what Y/N looks like in this story was completely random and is completely up to you. I hope it doesn’t come across as anything other than that!

[angelsheartts]

Hi!! I was wondering if I could request the “hope nobody will catch us!” prompt for Angel dust x gn! reader too? Thank you love!!❤️❤️

✩‧₊˚ I HOPE NOBODY CATCH US !! .

(but i kinda hope they catch us, anyways)

#pairing: angel dust, husk, velvette, lute x gn reader

#cw: suggestive content, +18 mdni, cuss words Imao, getting caught in suggestive situations ig?? adam being adam on lutes part, drunk sex?, kind of only fans on velvettes part ngl.

#notes: just got back from vacation, and i do feel kind of inspirational to write on my blog lmao, so here it is! second part of "i hope nobody catch us". did anyone noticed it’s the lyrics from les - childish gambino?

PART l

˖ ˚ ༘✶ ANGEL DUST .

well, it’s kind of ironic how angel dust would actually care if someone would see you both fucking, but it’s just because he actually wants to have something intimate with you, not just some porn video where you both need to act.

today, valentino had given your partner finally a day off, so you both decided it would be the best to spend it together.

as you both were cuddling in his bed, you somehow started teasing him by confessing how you watched one of his adult videos, and how much it had turned you, so it wasn’t a big surprise how you ended having him on top of you.

"that’s kinky for you to say, but keep going" angel dust said, smirking at you while already having your underwear aside "well, at first i saw how you went down on them, and-" suddenly fat nuggets was on the bed looking at you both.

yeah, so after seeing your kid staring at you both, it really made the atmosphere so not hot.

˖ ˚ ༘✶ HUSK .

i mean, husk, and you do have a pretty regular intimate life cause this man is sooo touch starved, but there’s something different about being drunk and intimate to him.

you knew you both had maybe a few more drinks than usually, but that wouldn’t hurt anyone, right?

wrong, as soon as you started to feel the alcohol doing its thing, you soon started to feel horny too.

but, who could judge you? seeing your bartender boyfriend also with the same flushed face as you was so hot, you somehow ended on top of the counter, while having your boyfriend kiss your neck.

"Oh, for fucks sake, and everyone says im the perverted one?"

yeah, hearing angel dust words made you both stop, but it didn’t make you stopped once you reached your bedroom.

˖ ˚ ༘✶ VELVETTE .

your girlfriend being a famous influencer in hell wasn’t something new to you, but as soon as you both started dating, you didn’t expect her to literally get sent sex toys for you both to try out and recommend or give your review about it.

your girlfriend was doing a live on her sinstagram, when you unexpectedly entered the room in the lingerie she just bought you just a few days ago.

of course, she had to end her livestream by saying a lame excuse to pamper your needs, and what the best way to do that with testing the vibrator who got sent to her for a review.

"velvette, ah- it‘s too much, i‘m going to cum" while sitting on her lap and putting your arms around her neck, you both suddenly heard velvettes phone vibrating like crazy, turns out she never ended her livestream and all hell just saw how needy you were for her.

after really ending the live, let’s just say that the vibrator you used got most-sold-sex-toy of the month.

˖ ˚ ༘✶ LUTE .

your girlfriend is somehow always occupied with something that isn’t you, so you might of have your ways to have her attention.

even though your girlfriend is an exterminator, you both sometimes ended up working together.

so, if dragging her near a closet to have her all for yourself was bad, then what you wanted to do in there with her would be worse.

"(name), it’s not appropriate, and adam is gonna be here anytime soon" lute said, staring at your face with her mask "yeah, yeah you say that every time, but you know how it always ends"

and yes, it was true, your girlfriend knew your true intentions when you dragged her into the closet, but still, she had a kinky side where she liked doing things you weren’t supposed to.

not to mention how hot you looked when you tried to be the dominant one.

"fuck, you're already so wet, huh? is it because you like getting me in trouble or because you want me to punish you?" she said, rubbing her fingers near your clit faster each time, "ah, lute-! keep going" "you’re a fucking mess, answer my questi-"

"DANGERTITS? bullshit, why the fuck didn’t i come sooner? legit thought you didn’t have sex, but you know what? this can get pretty awesome if i joi-“

adam did in fact not join you both, but he did make lute clear that "you both needed the original dick to even come" - adams words.

[sanshofox]

At this point I am really wondering how the entertainment industry, especially gaming industry, is going to uphold/maintain themselves.

One layoff after another. How are people from that industry supposed to find a new job there when layoffs are happening everywhere? Do studios really think there’s longevity when they aren’t even willing to hire newcomers/juniors so there‘s adequate supply in the work force? Because look at how it’s currently going: investors want more and more money, the workload increases, but people are getting fired, leaving a smaller team to do said work, even distributing them for 2 or 3 projects at the same time, only to crash in a burnout or in later years go into retirement. Then who’s left? AI? Are you kidding me? As if games aren’t becoming more and more repetitive anyway, because of some „safe recipe for good numbers“ strategy. Creativity and the people behind it are suffering.

It’s been almost 2 years since I saw a junior 3D character artist offer. Ever since then it’s been a desert. And it’s not looking all too bright in other departments either. It’s now even a thing in job descriptions where they want you to have „AI abilities“. So as a junior or regular they want you to feed their machine, so in a few years they can fire you. The audacity.

Another audacity are those layoffs just to rehire people for a smaller price (can’t tell me otherwise. For me this is a tactic to put pressure on the work force to say yes to less money otherwise they will stay jobless). People that made projects what they are today, who are seniors and leads for a reason, out of a job just like that. Make it make sense (it doesn’t).

Studios like ubisoft now openly saying that they want to focus on AI, like assets completely made by AI to „save time and money“ and expand AI onto more fields. Shame on them.

The way creative industries like gaming finance themselves is also their biggest poison. And I only see a solution in that by regulating investors demands and upper positions sheaningans. They can’t have „absolute power“ anymore. It’s destructive and greedy and not realistic. Games can not be linearly successful. For the game design „recipe“ to improve it needs iteration just like when you work in a project for example and work on a design that needs to be iterated until it‘s improved or solid even. We see time and time again that „business/numbers people“ and creatives do not go hand in hand. We see an extreme imbalance.

I would predict that with less creative new input and letting mainly AI do the work consumers will be less and less entertained because everything seems to be and look the same. It will stagnate. And then crumble. And the industry needs to start like it did before. And that’s what I guess for the big companies.

With the layoffs happening and not enough job offers in return I could see that big talents get together to build their own studios now and we may get an era of new successful and growing studios happening that may even replace the current triple A studios one day in the future. They may even change the financing game. We saw successful games happening through platforms like kickstarter more often. So it might lead back to a „power to the people“ thing. Having an idea for a project and seeing if enough people agree and invest to see it happening. There’s room for improvement in that system. That’s all what it leads back to; in the end the consumers need to be satisfied to make it a creative and monetary success. BG3 and larian studios was a good example for that. It’s what made coral island grow and grow too. So there‘s potential.

Feel free to comment your theories. I really would like to see what others think about the current state of gaming studios and how it will or could develop.

[kalopsicanna]

last angel in kyoto

is this how it would end?

no.

she wouldn't make a liar out of him.

pt 3!

pt 1 , pt 2

there's an old cartoon playing somewhere, the sound transcending the four walls of whatever room it’s coming from and filtering into Utahime’s bedroom.

it’s probably Gojo.

she rubs at her tired eyes and stretches her limbs after, unintentionally snuggling into the oh-so-warm covers. she could probably just go back to sleep but she knows him too well. knows this is a nervous habit. and she can't just leave him with his thoughts.

so with a resolved sigh, she rises from her bed and carefully pads, barefoot, to the living room.

“Satoru?” she calls when she gets there.

the man only grunts in response, his mop of white hair peeking slightly from underneath the duvet that he's wrapped around him.

he looks like a kid with the glow of the flatscreen illuminating his face.

she softly chuckles at this and joins him on the sofa. he opens up his covering and she fits right in too.

this is warmer than the bed, she decides. he's always warmer.

“are you okay?”

her eyes watch his face as she asks, but his expression betrays nothing.

“it’s all good now” he softly mumbles, head coming to rest on her shoulder.

Gojo could be such a kid when he wants to be.

“getting cold feet?” she questions again, an attempt at a joke (not really), and this time, he shoots up to give her a look.

“cold feet?”

he'd proposed right there in the hospital room, even before they'd had the chance to discharge her. Shoko and Suguru were off somewhere, if she had to guess, he was likely keeping her company while she smoked. she was snacking on a pudding cup from lunch, happy to finally have something sweet (she would only later realize that Gojo was rubbing off on her) when he'd blurted it out, out of the blue.

“i want to marry you. do you?”

he hadn’t even been looking at her, eyes fixed on his fidgety fingers.

“huh?”

there had been no ring. no big speech. he hadn't even gotten down on one knee. it wasn't how she had ever imagined getting proposed to but there was just something about how messy his hair was, how dishevelled his clothes were and how he looked like sleep escaped him.

in all her years of knowing him, Gojo Satoru had been nothing if not calm and collected, even in the face of trouble.

but seeing him then, like he could probably fall over if pushed even just a little, there was this air of vulnerability she knew he didn’t show everybody. or anybody at all.

besides her, that is

to think she'd ever see him be beside himself all because of her.

without a doubt in her mind then, she’d said yes.

Gojo’s almost in disbelief at the question and she doesn't blame him. it‘s a wild assumption anyway considering how much he makes it a point to tell her every day that he loves her.

she thinks he might hold a small grudge against her for saying the three words first.

still, a tiny voice in the back of her mind tells her that it really doesn’t mean much. who’s to say love won’t fail?

“just a thought” she murmurs in response.

they go back to watching the cartoon he’s put on. one of the older episodes of shin-chan.

“you know i love you, right?”

she almost doesn’t hear it. his voice is so low, so gentle that it blends with the show.

he’s looking at her again. this time not in disbelief. no. his eyes are softer too.

“i know”

their locked eyes speak volumes of what their lips can't, an effortless communication that surpasses words.

“you don’t” he simply tells her.

in a swift movement, he uses the remote to turn off the television and swamps them in darkness.

his hands seek hers out and he places one of her open palms on his chest.

“my heart beats like crazy anytime you're near”

indeed, his heart palpitations are a bit erratic, she notes.

“Satoru-”

“i’ve loved you since high school”

the confession quickly shuts her up.

“i was a dumb kid. i didn't know how to get you to notice me so i just stuck to teasing you to get your attention. it made me happy, when you would look at me with those pretty eyes for all those five seconds you would yell, even if they were filled with rage. at least, you looked at me”

he pauses to let out a short laugh at the memory of the antics of his younger self.

“seeing you that night on that cold floor, covered in blood, scared me. terrified me. it’s been three months and i still can't stop thinking about it. just the idea of you being gone is daunting. i know i don't want to do this life without you, Hime”

it sure is a miracle that he can't see her. can't see how the tears are pouring rapidly down her face.

who would've thought that she would have, by some twist of fate, Gojo Satoru, the same junior who made fun of her pigtails and had made it his mission to annoy her daily, here in her living room, professing his love for her?

“Satoru…”

her voice gives her away and he cups her cheek almost immediately, making quick work of wiping at her tears.

“so you see” there's a slight pep in his voice now. “i can't possibly get cold feet. not when i’ve loved you so for all these years”

she wants to say it back. she really does. but an ‘i love you’ simply won't do. not after all he's said. it sounds too cheap and it’s not enough to quantify all she feels in her heart.

so she hugs him.

she doesn't need to say anything. he understands.

the wedding is a month after that. a small gathering of friends and family, loved ones who wish nothing but the absolute best for the couple.

their friends all have smiles on their faces and Gojo can swear that he sees Shoko and Geto sneak off together right after the ceremony. he decides to keep their rendezvous to himself.

that doesn't mean much though because it’s proven, once again, at the reception that a drunk man has no secrets.

they're dating. his two best friends.

Shoko and Geto.

the news only makes him happier.

and then finally, when he and Utahime share their first dance as a married couple, she leans in and tells him a secret that she too has kept for a long time.

“i was the one who ate the watermelon gummies”

for the first time since the incident, Gojo throws his head back and laughs.

[sadienita]

[1:01] “Joong, where- ugh!” You groaned as you spun around to find Hongjoong way behind you yet again. You were meant to be on a cute date, a first date in fact, because after a year of pining Hongjoong had finally mustered up the courage to ask you out. Despite his clear nerves it had been lovely.

Or mostly lovely.

Because despite taking you out to lunch and then to a cute cafe and now for a walk in the park, he had also brought his camera along. And he couldn’t seem to help himself, stopping at every pretty sight to snap a photo, not to mention about fifty photos each from the cafe and restaurant of your food.

It was cute really, but it did mean his attention kept wandering. If you didn’t know him well it might have been rude. But you knew how shy he could be and you could see how nervous he was even if he hid it well. So you simply gave him a smile when he met your gaze with a confused “huh?”

“I’m walking alone.” You chuckled.

“O-Oh, sorry.” He mumbled, scurrying to meet you. He looked even cuter as the blush on his cheeks matched the pink on the tip of his nose from the cold weather. “I got distracted.”

“Was it a good picture?” You hummed.

“Yeah I think so, I think I have at least a few good ones from today. It’s nice that it snowed.” He gazed over the hedge at a few young girls making snow ducks at the side of the walking path. “Everything looks pretty when it snows.”

“Even me?” You teased.

“Y-You always look pretty.” He said quickly. When you glanced at him he was blushing harder. You nudged him with your arm and he looked at you.

“You’re pretty too.”

“You’re just saying that cuz I said it.” He countered.

You put a hand over your heart. “I swear I’m telling the truth.” You reached over to pinch his nose which made him jump. “You’re adorable.”

“I think you just like teasing me.” He muttered.

“I liked teasing you before you asked me out.” You said. “It‘s familiar. It should comfort you.”

“It does the opposite.”

You stepped in front of him, stopping him as you grinned at him. “Do I make you all nervous now, Joongie?”

A blush rushed up his cheeks as he ducked his head. “Why did I think confessing to you was a smart idea?”

“Do I make your heart race?”

“I should have known you would just torture me.”

“Bet you wanna kiss me, don’t you?”

Hongjoong grabbed his camera again, forcing it between the two of you, almost as if creating his own little bubble to withstand your teasing. “Let me take your picture.” He said.

“You didn’t answer any of my questions.” You laughed. He nudged you backwards.

“You already know I like you, do I have to admit to everything?” He mumbled.

“It’s more fun if you do.” You said, wandering down the path as he found you in his viewfinder.

“Don’t I make you feel the same way, anyways?”

Yes. 

Yes, I feel butterflies in my stomach everytime you call my name.

Yes, I feel my heart racing a mile a minute each time you look at me.

Yes, I want you to kiss me.

But you couldn’t just say those things out loud.

“You make me feel…” You thought for a moment as you gazed up at the snow covered branches of the tree. “Make me feel-”

“Wait! Don’t move!” Hongjoong’s sudden exclamation made you jump a little but you held still after that, hearing the snap of his camera shutter. It went off a few more times before you looked at him, ending with him getting one more of you looking right into the camera. You could feel the heat warming you from the inside out as he shyly brought the camera down. He looked so pretty, the shy smile on his face, cheeks and nose tinted pink. The way he looked at you had your heart hammering in your chest, like you were his whole world.

“Sorry, you- it’s a really good picture.” He cleared his throat, tone hopeful when he spoke again. “What were you saying? About how I make you feel?”

A smile tugged at your lips. You didn’t say anything in response, instead waking back down the path towards him. Hongjoong let out a yelp as you dug your fingers into his scarf and pulled him in, pressing your lips to his in a sweet kiss that made your heart feel like it had an entire fireworks display going off.

When you pulled back Hongjoong looked just as dazed as you felt.

“You make me feel love.” You hummed, before kissing him again.

[zoeykallus]

Helloo

I hope you are doing well and life has been better to you. Anyway, thanks for your work! My day gets better every time I see that you have posted something. 🫶🏼

(And ignore the fail of a message i sent you accidentally before. It‘s way too early and my phone fell out of my hands and it sent in too soon 😂)

I liked the Hc with the submissive kink where the reader wants to be dominated. I was wondering if you could do the same thing again for the regs?

My next question would be how the bad batch reacts if the reader wants them to leave their armor on during the act or if they find out the reader has an armor kink

You are of course free to decide whether you make both, only one or neither of the two requests.🤭

Aloha my dear!

No of course it hasn't on, the contrary, but I'm going on, out of spite 🤨

Don't worry about the other message, stuff like that happens to me on a regular basis 😂

I'd start with the reg request and would do the second one as well. Would you mind sending me the armor request separately? This way it won't slip through the cracks. I've been hit with new shifts for the next three weeks that make my head spin in a bad way. I'm not the type of person that works well getting up at 2am because work starts at 3am. 😅😭 Thing is, I won't lose this out if site when it's in my asks, knowing me, these next weeks will trow me out of my game, in a way it already has.

Enough whining, let's do this!

I didn't know which ones you wanted, so I picked some regs that instantly popped up in my head. I hope that's okay.

Howzer/Rex/Fives/Gregor/Cody/Kix/Wolffe/Hardcase x Fem!Reader HCs - The Submissive Kink (2)

Warnings: Strongly Suggestive/Partly Sexual Content/Mentioning Of Sexual Content/Submissive Kink/18+

____________________

You reveal to your beloved clone that you would like to be dominated by him. Here is his reaction…

AC: This is how I see these men, sorry, not sorry. 😋

____________________

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

Howzer

It's not immediately clear to him what you're talking about. Howzer is a gentle, loving gentleman by nature, an old romantic. It takes a little moment, though not very long, for him to understand what you actually want from him.

"You want me to dominate you?"

You nod, cheeks heated, biting your lower lip.

Howzer is basically the type to grant your every wish if he can. This is no different. However, his dominance is marked by a caring tenderness. He gives you a slap on your bare ass, but caresses the spot immediately afterwards, kissing it, only to gently press his teeth into it shortly after.

He grips harder, dominant positions are also no problem, but he will never be too rough, no matter how much you ask him to, that's just not in him. Taking you from behind and pushing you into the pillows, no problem at all. The occasional slap, the one or two gentle bites, also no problem. Blindfolds and gentle bondage games are of course no problem either.

But he will never really hurt you, even if you ask for it, that is against his nature. Don't try to argue with him about it if he doesn't want to get too rough, that might actually scare the gentle Howzer away.

Rex

His right eyebrow twitches up silently, and he looks at you scrutinizing.

After a silent moment, he asks, "You want more dominance? In bed?"

Your nod makes him blink, then he smiles.

"So my beauty wants her captain in bed, not the gentle lover?"

Another nod from you, and you feel your ears getting hot and an expectant tingle spreading through your body, at his reaction.

Rex has the command tone down, easily. In a firm, deep voice, a promising rasp resonating in his tone, he orders you to undress for him and present yourself to him. He eyes you, asks you to do certain poses, to display yourself to him, while he undresses himself at the same time.

Quite a while passes without a touch, only with commands and covetous looks. But then, quite abruptly, his strong hands take hold. Rex is overpowering, but never too rough. He can grip you, and he knows exactly how.

He presses you against him, or clamps you between himself and a piece of furniture, creating an erotic illusion of helplessness. But don't worry, you are always safe with him. Let yourself fall, Rex is very good at taking the reins, in fact he has secretly had this fantasy one time or another.

Fives

He is up for any fun, including this one. From him, you can ask almost anything, as long as it is hot, and you enjoy it. Dominant poses, harder gripping, command tone, or even degrading words or actions, everything is in there.

Bondage games? No problem.

"The plush handcuffs or the real ones?" he asks.

"The real ones," you say, biting your lower lip.

He raises an eyebrow, "Oh, I see, someone needs to be punished."

Tied to the bed, or just hands behind your back, or a gag? Toys to go with it? Anything goes.

Within the bounds of consent, anything is doable. Role-playing games too, of course. Have you ever played with the imagination in your mind of being the helpless prisoner of your clone soldier Fives? Tell him about it. Though he may be surprised at first, he loves games, especially ones that are erotic.

He already has a very special interrogation in mind for you that will make your thighs quiver.

Gregor

Your sweet, giggling soldier, is anything but a killjoy. Every suggestion will be given a try. However, even if he is an excellent soldier, he is not suitable as a heavy-handed person in a relationship.

Dominating is definitely possible, but he has limits, playing with pain is taboo, he just can't bring himself to do that, that would kill the mood for him, no matter how much you might want to try that, he just can't consciously hurt you.

But don't worry, he can grab, and he's not too shy to push you into the sheets and take you properly, even if he might seem so shy in everyday life. To push his cock between your lips while he has a hand in your hair is also no problem, however, even if this makes him almost unbearably horny, he also pays very close attention that everything is fine with you.

Gentle bondage games, blindfolds and the like, are of course also no problem.

With a giggle he says, "Sweetie, today my wish is your command".

Cody

He behaves very similar to Rex. Command tone just suits him. The commands he may give you in the bedroom, however, are his favorite. Or also in the living room, or the kitchen… or the bathroom, in fact he already took you in the hallway pressed against the dresser.

He knows you like it. Right when he entered your apartment, you can see it in his face. He needs to let off steam, and you are only too happy to be the outlet. But don't worry, everything remains within the framework of mutual consent.

He pulls down your pants and panties, pushes you, not exactly gently against the dresser. One hand immediately goes between your legs and caresses your instantly moistening pussy, his teeth gently bite into your neck, while you dutifully take off his cod piece and free his cock. Shortly after, he takes you from behind, your body bent over the small dresser in the hallway.

Such scenes and others are not uncommon in your relationship, from the moment you tell him that you enjoy it.

Kix

"What?"

Kix looks at you uncomprehendingly. At first, he's a bit perplexed, doesn't really understand what you're getting at. But you finally say it a little more clearly.

"Oh, that's what you mean," he finally says, eyes wide.

After a brief pause in which he visibly thinks, he says, "Okay, sounds like fun. But are you sure?"

Your eager nod elicits a wry grin from him. Kix is very cautious at first, but also very curious. He likes to implement your suggestions with you, and soon he has ideas of his own that he contributes. Doctor/medic games are also included. For one of your role-playing games he even stole a new stretcher from the medbay on which he straps you occasionally. Of course, always after consultation with you, that goes without saying.

You both don't lack ideas, or fun. However, he has a hard time with dirty talk for a long time. The first few times he can hardly say some sentences without blushing, even though he's not usually one to mince words, somehow that's really sweet. But Kix learns, and quite quickly.

Wolffe

He looks at you and his gaze is so penetrating and yet very hard to interpret that at first you just stare back.

"You want me to dominate you in bed?"

You nod and say a little meekly, "Yes, I think I'd like that".

"Hmm," he hums and asks, "Are you sure you know what you're getting yourself into?"

You blink and almost want to say no, it happens so quickly that you suddenly feel very small under Wolffe's gaze, even if he doesn't always mean to. But you nod again and say, "I think so. You love me, don't you?"

"Of course," he says almost sternly, as if he resents that you might question that.

"Then I'm sure we can find a way for both of us to enjoy it."

And you do. Wolffe is very engaging, almost overwhelming, but in a fantastic, erotic way. Very quickly he knows how to move within your boundaries, to carry you through his dominance to submissive, erotic heights that you could hardly imagine until then.

Dominant poses, bondage, degradation, erotic punishment, everything is in there. Wolffe is strong and he likes to use that. It's incredibly hot to feel that power when he pushes you into the pillows or against a piece of furniture and shoves his cock into your pussy. The hand on your neck, which never really squeezes but always rests firmly enough so that you don't forget its presence, does the rest.

Hardcase

He is a talker, he often has a big mouth, but he is actually a playful, gentle soul. To deny you a wish is not in him, he loves to make you happy, then he is happy too.

This also applies to your lovemaking. So your suggestion will meet with open ears and interest from him.

"Dominate?"

You nod.

He gives you a smug look and plays it cool.

"Sure, that's what you want?"

You know him, you know he's acting right now. But you play along.

Playing coy, biting your bottom lip, you nod again and say, "Yeah, babe."

But Hardcase isn't as cool as he acts. However, he tries very hard, yet the beginnings are bumpy, he asks you way too often if he's hurting you and keeps destroying the mood that has been created. He also doubts one or the other idea in the beginning, tying you up in a helpless position looks sexy, he admits that, yet at first he feels like he's taking advantage of you somehow.

It takes a bit of patience from you to make him understand that this is what you want. But don't worry, he'll get the hang of it and actually find it a lot of fun

@rintheemolion

@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99

@brynhildrmimi @kaliel2310

@misogirl828 @tech-deck

@meshla-madalene

@chxpsi

@thebahdbitch

@nahoney22 @ladykatakuri

@darkangel4121

@ttzamara

@arctrooper69

@padawancat97

@agenteliix

@allsystemsblue

@palliateclaw

@either-madness-or-brilliance

@ortizshinkaroff

@andy-solo1

@hunterssecretrecipe

@heyitsaloy

@greaser-wolf

@extrahotpixels

@hated-by-me

@hunterxcrosshair

@malicemercy

@bebopsworld

@echos-girlfriend

@cpnt616

@dangraccoon

@jediknightjana

@pb-jellybeans

@antishadow2021

@sleepycreativewriter

@projectdreamwalker

@1vlouds

[youthinluv]

parallel lines

You tell me you love her, I give you a grin Oh, all I ever wanted was a life in your shape So I follow the white lines Keep my eyes on the road as I ache

sypnosis ; parallel lines never meet, they go on forever and never touch. same with perpendicular lines. they meet once but then they drift apart. forever.

pairing ; shen ricky x fem! reader

wc ; 3271

genre ; angst, non-idol! & highschool! au

tags + warnings ; swearing, unrequited love, one-sided pining, hurt no comfort, mixed signals, love triangle (kinda), zb1 members featured, ricky's oblivious but reader's also kind of a coward and insecure

playlist ; strawberry blond - mitski, yours - conan gray

author's note ; I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG RAGHHH 😭 the ending fell a little flat because i was really rushing to get this out since it was long overdue huhus. i kinda wish i executed this entire thing better but oh well !

——— “Do you ever plan on confessing or are you going to keep hoping he’ll somehow notice you?”

Gyuvin asks you out of nowhere, almost throwing you off from the rhythm game you were playing.

“You bitch! I almost lost my combo because of you!”

You punch his arm once you finish the round, trying to change the subject. “And keep your voice down, someone might hear you.”

“That doesn’t answer my question, idiot. I’ve known you long enough to know how your mind works.”

“Shut up! Okay, look. He doesn’t even know me like that even though we’ve been going to the same school for years now. Despite all that, we’re only classmates. See where I’m going with this?”

Gyuvin then shoots you a look of disbelief. You stare back at him and you both sit in silence. As he turns back to his food with a sigh, he seemingly spots something and immediately turns back to face you.

“Hey, don’t make it obvious but I think Ricky’s looking in our direction.”

At this, you immediately look his way and briefly make eye contact with him. As you lifted your hand to wave at him, your view was blocked by someone sitting in front of you.

“Hey! Sorry, I got held up. Did I miss anything?”

“Alexa! Don’t worry about it. You didn’t miss much anyways.”

you resist the urge to sigh, dropping your hand and focusing your attention on your other friend.

Alexa was a newer friend to you compared to Gyuvin, whom you’ve known since your childhood. 

She was a transferee and yet she was already considerably popular in school, which made sense because she was the full package. Pretty, nice, a straight A student, and well off. Still, she chose to hang out with you two, which came as a surprise for you.

“Hello? Earth to Y/N? Are you okay?” Alexa calls out, waving a hand in front of you. “Everything alright?”

“Ah, yeah. I was just thinking. Don’t worry about it.”

“Hmm... care to share with the class, then?”

At this, you look at Gyuvin, debating on whether or not you really should be honest with her. You look back at her and find her looking at you expectantly. You bite your lip, hesitating before deciding to tell her.

“Say… I don’t mean any offense to this, but why do you hang out with us? We’re like, nobodies compared to you, so it’s kind of surprising to me that you’d hang out with us instead of the more popular kids.” 

Alexa’s expression morphs into a surprised one, mouth forming an ‘O’ at the question and seemingly taking no offense to it, to your relief.

“Ah well… compared to them I can definitely be myself around you guys. It’s too much pressure to keep up an image for them, it‘s no fun…” she mumbles. You exchange glances with Gyuvin as he decides to change the subject to something else.

You start to zone out and block their conversation as you look back to Ricky, who was still looking in your direction, and you two lock eyes. Not knowing what to do, you show him a small smile and he returns it, before looking away and back to his friend group.

———

“Alright everyone, we have a dyad project coming up. This’ll take up a big percent of your grade, so you have to take this seriously. That aside, I’ll be selecting some students to draw a piece of paper with their classmate’s name and whoever they draw will be their partner for the project.”

The teacher states. 

One by one, he reads names off a list and they all draw their respective partners.

“Shen Ricky.”

He calls out, and you hold your breath. As well as like, 5 other girls in your class.

Everyone carefully watches him pick out a piece of paper and unfold it.

“Y/N L/N?” he calls out and your head snaps up so fast you could’ve sworn you almost broke it.

You wave him over and you can hear a few people grumble and sigh in disappointment here and there as he approaches you.

“Hi.” you smile at him politely.

“Hey.” he smiles back.

You look across the room to look at Gyuvin, who was paired with Gunwook. He lets out a chuckle at your wide eyes and wiggle his eyebrows in a teasing manner.

———

“So you’re Y/N? I’m Ricky, it’s nice to officially meet you.”

Ricky smiles warmly at you as everyone is left to discuss with their partners.

“Oh, please, there’s no need to be formal! We’re classmates, so don’t worry about it. It’s nice to officially meet you too.”

“Mhm. I don’t know if you remember, but I hope you didn’t find the little thing back in lunch earlier weird. I don’t normally do that.”

“You don’t normally stare at randos in school?”

You tease, amused at how Ricky visibly tenses up and gets ready to explain himself.

“I’m kidding, don’t work yourself up over it. If we’re working together, we might as well get to know each other a bit better. Or, something along those lines.”

His shoulders then sag as he relaxes and chuckles. You two hit it off pretty well and spend the rest of the period warming up to each other.

———

Your screams become muffled as you bury your face into a pillow, kicking your feet and thrashing around frantically.

….

“Are you done yet?”

Gyuvin plops down next to you, looking at you with disgust as you look up and stop.

“I don’t know what I’ve done in my past life to deserve this, but I can’t believe this is happening! I’m gonna get on my knees and start thanking all the gods above.” “Please don’t.”

You throw the pillow you were holding at him, as the exchange erupts into an argument.

“But seriously though, what are the odds that we’d get partnered up! It must be a sign.”

You grin as Gyuvin groans.

“Girl, please. Half of the school’s population is also crushing on him as well, so I wouldn’t get my hopes up if I were you.”

“Okay, okay, yeah. But does half of the school have his number too?” You pull out your phone, showing him the contact you had saved for Ricky. He rises from his position and snatches your phone to get a better look.

“Holy shit, you actually have his number….”

Gyuvin mutters, handing the phone back after a quick scan.

“Still, is that really a flex? I have his number too, because, y’know. We’re literally friends? If you wanted it that bad I could’ve just given it to you.”

He laughs as you scoff. As you were about to hit him for the nth time that day, your phone suddenly lights up and you see that it’s a text from Ricky. Seeing this, you immediately shoot up from your position.

“Shut up! Ricky texted me, hold on…”

You trail off as you frantically fumble your phone around.

‘hey! hope this isn’t a bad time but are you free tomorrow? we can discuss the project details at a cafe somewhere  if you are. my treat :)’

The text read.

A pause came before you started shrieking in your pillow once again.

“Oh my god, shut the fuck up!” Gyuvin groans in annoyance, you sit up and quickly type a reply back.

‘hi! yeah, that sounds great <3 just send me the details and we can meet up by then.‘

———

“Hey, thanks for the free food, really. I should treat you next time as thanks.”

“It’s nothing, really.” Ricky places the tray down, setting their respective orders on the table. “I looked over the project and it seems easy so we don’t have to do much. We can honestly just use the time given as an excuse to hang out.”

“...You wanna hang out with me more?”

“Hm? Well— yeah. I dunno, I feel like I can be more like… myself? When I’m around you, which is refreshing to me.” he trails off, pausing to look at you.

“Was that weird? I’m so sorry, just ignore what I just said. Your boyfriend might get mad so—”

“Boyfriend?” 

You echo, flabbergasted and wondering who he was talking about.

“Huh? Yeah, Gyuvin? I know we’re friends but he hangs out with you a lot. We keep asking if you two are together but he avoids the question every time.”

Your eye twitches and you force a smile, horrified to think that anyone would mistake you and Gyuvin as a couple, let alone conceptualize it.

“Oh. No. Gyuvin and I aren’t dating. Like, at all. We’re actually childhood best friends so I guess that's why we’re always together.” 

Ricky’s mouth formed into an ‘O’ shape, nodding in acknowledgement. “Oh! I’m sorry then. He hadn’t really told us about you that much so we always just saw you as some mystery girl who he was always with. The fact that he’d just act weird when asked kinda left us questioning. That was also why I was looking at you that one time during lunch, so. ”

You nod, taking note of this. The subject changes and the little “date” carries on but Ricky’s mention of your best friend’s behavior still lingers in your mind.

You were to ask Gyuvin about it later that night.

———

Weeks passed by and you and Ricky quickly grew closer to each other. The cafe became your regular hangout spot and they constantly met up from that point on, even outside of school purposes.

“Oh my god, hey Y/N!” Alexa calls out and walks next to you as you return her greeting.

“Girl, I saw you at a cafe yesterday with a really cute guy. Is he your boyfriend?” She asks with a teasing smile on her face. Your face burns up, as you hesitate to answer.

“Ah, no… I got paired up with him for a class project, so we’re not that close.”

“Seriously? So is he single?” she tilts her head.

“I guess…? I mean, I don’t know, I’m sorry.”

You start to be more vague, not liking where this conversation was going. Alexa notices the change and your unreadable expression. 

As she was about to say something else, the bell rings and you use that as an excuse to rush to your class, muttering a quick ‘bye’ and leaving her behind, confused.

———

“So you just left her behind there?”

“Yeah, and I feel so bad! She didn’t even do anything wrong which makes me feel even worse.” you groan, head in hands as you and Gyuvin walk home from school.

“Well, why don’t you just tell her that you like Ricky? Maybe she’ll stay away from him if you do, she’s too nice to steal someone’s crush away.”

You look over at Gyuvin, a little frustrated trying to figure out how to handle the situation. “That would mean I have plans to pursue him, and he’s like, way out of my league. Man, couldn’t you think of something else?—”

Gyuvin abruptly stops in his tracks and seems panicked. Confused, you look to the direction he was looking over at and your eyes widened.

You see Ricky and Alexa laughing as they stepped out of the same cafe from yesterday, drinks in hands. Upon seeing so, you instinctively grab Gyuvin and pull him away from their view. You two try to discreetly stalk them as they walk in the opposite direction. 

Once they were out of view, Gyuvin pulls away and looks at you, unsure of what to say. You had an unreadable look on your face, equally unsure of what to make of the situation. In the end, you simply sigh and usher your friend to move along with a quiet “let’s go.”

———

Ever since that day, you started avoiding both Ricky and Alexa. They constantly sent you messages which you’d ignore, on top of pretending like you didn’t see them whenever they’d wave or look over to you.

However, you were unsure if that really was the right choice, because that only allowed them to spend more time with each other. In the middle of your avoiding and ignoring, you’d see them walking in the hallways and eating lunch together. Rumors about them dating have already started because of their sudden closeness and it became a hot topic pretty quickly.

One day, you and Gyuvin were over at his house to hang out and you couldn’t help but burst and rant after losing a round to him.

“God knows what I should do! I feel like it’s too late for me to go back on what I’ve done since I’ve been ignoring them for days now and it’s a little embarrassing to talk to them out of nowhere.” you finish.

“Maybe it’s better for you to talk to Ricky and Ricky only. This way you can communicate, tell him everything and probably even confess to him. At the rate everything’s going, it’s now or never.” Gyuvin tells you, putting down his controller and watching you throw yourself on his bed face down.

After a brief silence, you mutter a muffled “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

Getting up and grabbing your phone, you look for Ricky’s contact and see his recent message from yesterday.

“hey. it's been a while. is everything alright? you’ve been avoiding and ignoring me all of a sudden. please let me know if i did anything to offend you and i hope we can talk again soon. i’m sorry.” it read.

Biting your lip, you hesitate, thinking of what to say. After typing and deleting your message back and forth, you were finally able to send him a message.

“hi. I’m so sorry for everything that’s happened. are you free tomorrow? i was hoping to talk to you. does the nearby park sound good if ever?”

It took less than a minute for Ricky to respond, taking the best friends by surprise.

“oh my god, you responded. and ofc, it’s all good with me, i’m free tomorrow. i’ll see you then.”

You stared at your phone, rereading the short convo you two had. Getting up, you look over to Gyuvin to tell him you’ve made up your mind. 

“I’m confessing to him tomorrow.”

“Seriously?” He was completely surprised at this. “I mean– go for it! I can’t believe you finally have the guts to tell him.”

“Yeah. You were right about the now or never thing. I’m gonna tell him no matter what happens. The sooner I do it, the sooner I’ll get over it. It’s much better that way.”

You sigh and grab your bag. “I’m going home. It’s getting late.” “You want me to walk you home?”

“Nah. I kinda need some alone time right now. Y’know, to figure out what to do and say tomorrow.”

“Oh okay, get home safe.”

You exchange goodbyes, and leave Gyuvin’s house. 

Unbeknownst to you, the boy is left behind alone with negative and conflicted feelings to your plans.

———

The park was quiet, which was unusual. It made you feel even worse than you already did, as if it was a reminder about your impending doom.

Thousands of scenarios run through your head and you can’t help but wonder if it was stupid for you to continue hoping that you’d still have a chance. That maybe, just maybe, he feels the same way towards you after everything you’ve been through.

You easily spot Ricky at the spot you decided to meet up at. It took you by surprise how early he was, but the feeling was quickly replaced with dread as you approach him. The thought of bailing crossed your mind but it was quickly erased when Ricky noticed you.

“Y/N!” he called out, and stood up, gesturing to you to sit in the empty space next to him. As you do so, he looks at you expectantly, trying to guess if he should go first or not.

“I am… so so sorry for the way I’ve been acting these past couple weeks. I should’ve at least tried to communicate with you instead of leaving you in the dark.” you start.

“Hey, hey. It’s alright, I promise. I was just worried that I did something to offend you, or that something happened. Don’t work yourself up over it.”

You nod and stare at him, trying to figure out what else to say to keep the conversation going and make it go your way.

“Um, so how’s life been going for you?”

The way his face almost instantly brightens doesn’t go unnoticed by you. You could feel your heart drop to your stomach as you could already assume what it was about.

“It’s been going well, actually. I started talking to this girl, Alexa was it? She’s your friend, right?” he asks and you almost couldn’t bring yourself to nod. At this point, you were just waiting for him to say it outright so you could confirm it.

“She’s a very nice person,” he continues and seems to hesitate and lowers his voice “you’re actually the only person I’m telling this to, but I actually really like her. I plan to confess and ask her out next week.”

Ah. There it is.

You purse your lips and abruptly stand up, interrupting Ricky and he asks what’s wrong. “Ricky, maybe it’s better for both of us to stop whatever this is. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Being friends?”

“Yes! If that’s what you think this is, then sure. Let’s stop being friends.”

Ricky stands up as well, you look up at him towering over you with a confused expression. You could’ve sworn he looked pained as well.

“Why? I thought we already sorted things out? Wasn’t that the whole point of meeting up here? Did I do something wrong?” 

He grows desperate at your silence and lack of response, voice slowly raising. The fact that he even cared enough to fight against the idea made things even more complicated. You thought it’d be easy, and that he wasn’t attached enough to actually care.

“What’s it to you anyways?” you couldn’t help but snap at him, a little mad that he had to complicate the situation.

“Because we’re friends! I genuinely enjoy your presence! Did all of that mean nothing to you? Can’t we just––”

“It’s because I like you, Ricky!” At this point, tears were spilling from your eyes. “I’ve liked you for fucking years now and it hurts to know that I‘ll never have you. I was always a nobody at school, and I was fine admiring you from afar. But now that I know that I was so close, yet so far pains me.”

…

Silence overtook the conversation as Ricky’s face softened, any trace of desperation leaving his face and being replaced with an unreadable expression.

“I’m so sorry—”

“Don’t. I can’t even blame you. You’re way out of my league anyways, you and Alexa are a great match.”

You sigh, wiping your tears.

“I’ll be going now. I’m sorry it all turned out like this, really.”

As you walk away, Ricky calls after you and you turn around, deciding to give him your last words.

“It’s not your fault, Ricky. It’s mine and only mine. Maybe I was just unlucky, or maybe I just gave myself too much hope. But all I know is that something about you made me feel a little more alive and far less lost. Thank you.”

And with that, you walked away and decided that from there on, you’d go back to being strangers to each other.

[ineffable-suffering]

A Small Nugget of Appreciation for the Good Omens Cinematography

i‘m by far not the most qualified person to analyse cinematographic details and the way shows are shot, BUT: upon re-watching S1 for the quazillionth time, i finally figured out what it was that always made me so horrendously uncomfortable about that One Scene in S1E3, when Aziraphale goes to Heaven to tell the archangels what he figured out about the Antichrist (who‘s not actually the Antichrist, whoopsie-doodles).

it just always made me feel so uncomfortable because, well, the way they’re having this conversation is absolutely awkward, as per usual, but it‘s not just that. i took a closer look at how the whole scene is shot and then the metaphorical lightbulb (let there be light!) went up over my head. okay, so, here‘s the deal:

at first, we get this extremely wide-angel shot of Gabriel and the other archangels walking into the room. (sidenote: Azirphale is already there and waiting, so they absolutely made that dramatic, weirdly lined-up enterance on purpose, probably to Assert Angelic Dominance, lol). like, you almost have to squint to see them in the massive, empty hall that is Heaven. it gives you an immense feeling of distance. coldness, even. angels are always described as "beings of love and light" but this shot, among many other things that happen in this show, shows us that that‘s not actually true when it comes to each other (and to humans too, let‘s be real: the archangels don‘t give a goat’s rat's ass about what happens in and to the World).

so anyway, this shot immediately let‘s us know two things:

they rudely let Aziraphale wait for them to do their little runway walk with all the attention being on them

there is no closeness, friendliness or warmth between any of them and least of all towards Aziraphale

you can see this very well in one of the other shots while they‘re all still talking:

you‘d think this was a candid from 2020, mid-pandemic, with how far they‘re all standing apart from each other. and they‘re all facing Aziraphale like a wall. a clear statement: you‘re over there, we‘re over here. you‘re not one of us. (also notice how they‘re not facing him in a centered way but that it‘s actually only really Gabriel who‘s opposite of Aziraphale? despite being the first one to have entered from the right? again: hirarchyyyy)

and now comes the part that stands in such stark contrast to these wide, open, distant shots: the extreme, almost fish-eye-like close ups:

these scenes of then talking are what made me feel so uncomfortable and sort of out of place. i don’t know about you, but they almost make me want to take a physical step back from the screen to get some distance. it‘s like Gabriel and his squad are really distant but in the next second they’re invading ones personal space and– oh, hm. well. that’s exactly it, isn’t it?

it‘s firmly established that they don’t care about Aziraphale, least of all see him as an equal. both by the opening shot and the way they speak to him. but then that feeling is being interrupted with them absolutely crowding Aziraphale up against the figurative wall (aka our tv screen) and interrogating him. they‘re all up in his business as soon as he reveals he has information they might want. they’re nosy, inquisitive and they make both Aziraphale and us feel very uncomfortable and invaded in our space.

in all the ways, this scene conveys on both a dialogue and cinematographic level, that Heaven and the archangels are extremely distant and cold towards each other (and Aziraphale), while at the same time getting way too uncomfortably close and up in Azi‘s business as soon as they suspect he has information they may want.

and one last observation: during this whole conversation, none of the archangels are ever filmed together in one shot (unless it shows all of them vs. Aziraphale):

which is just another way of showing: they’re only "united" when it‘s them against whoever they see as inferior/a threat to them. but when it comes to the archangels as a group just by themselves, they‘re no less distant, weary and unliking of each other than they are with Aziraphale (or Muriel, for example, in S2).

in S1E1 hastur and ligur make a this whole big deal about „demons not trusting each other“ and we‘re made to believe that it‘s probably different with angels. but it‘s not. they‘re nothing short of untrustworthy themselves and proper assholes to everyone within and also outside of their own ranks. same thing as demons, just in neat suits.

except for Aziraphale, of course, God and Satan bless his heart.

alright, that's it. crappy cinematography analysis over. see you again when my hyperfixation catches on another one of the ten million details in this show, xoxo.

[pathologicalreid]

ohhh I wanna jump in on the little maeve ,discussion‘ and maybe spencers love interests in general:

honestly I don‘t dislike maeve, maybe it‘s because I‘m really gay and was like ,oh she has a nice voice, I totally get why spencer would be into her‘ so that blinded my judgement but yes she is a pretty one dimensional character.

even when the writers tried to give her more character, like not wanting help or hiding her fiancé, they didn’t write it well enough? she had much potential but was used to give spencer more trauma/develop spencers character more.

I loved seeing the scene between him and blake where he‘s worried that she might dislike him because he might be weird or whatever and basically the quote: ,it doesn‘t matter what she looks like - she’s already the most beautiful girl in the world to me‘ because it shows how sweet spencer is but again used to underline spencers character.

i don‘t hate her, i don’t like her, when she died I didn’t cry because she died, it was because of how spencer reacted.

(and don’t get me started on how the writers ruined spencers and jjs friendship-)

as you said he had more chemistry with one-episode characters! I’d like to add ethan (bisexual!spencer is canon to me idc he was originally written as bisexual and I‘ll never let that go)

i mean you literally show us with chemist!reader that spencer with someone somewhat similar to him can be written so so good!

anyways I‘ll stop yapping now!! 💐

my beautiful bouquet anon!!! (i've hidden my rambling under the cut but i do discuss the implied sexual assault from when spencer was in mexico)

i totally get what you're saying when you don't hate her but you also don't like her! there was potential with maeve for sure, but the writers dropped the ball.

i would argue that the maeve arc didn't really develop spencer's character as much as it probably should have. i could probably count on one hand the number of times she's brought up after "magnum opus". maybe i'm just insane but having my gf killed in front of me would probably have more influence on the rest of my life. so, when cat brings up maeve in season 12, there's a lacking impact because we absolutely haven't seen any indication that spencer still considered her the love of his life. (the impact in that scene for me is the sexual assault implications).

the "she's already the most beautiful girl in the world to me" line has had such an impact on the way i characterize spencer. he literally says the most wrought and profound things and it's in character!

i will always talk about how jj and reid's friendship was demolished by the writers i love opening discourse on 'truth or dare'

i don't usually include ethan in the one episode romances simply because they have a history!!! something homosexual happened there!!!! everyone else's story starts and ends in the same ep.

chemist!reader is everything that maeve could have been. thank you for bringing her into this conversation. put me in the writer's room!!! i can work something out!!!!

you're always welcome to yap!! in fact i adore it!!!

[hopelesslygaysstuff]

yeah, i understood as much too.

it id gun, but like the noted are so messy — and weirdly enough, despite chapter one being longer, i havr more notes for chapter two

overall, loved this chapter. the start already gave me chills, i think it’s a perfect example for show, don‘t tell, because you could have just written wanda still felt natasha‘s hand on her shoulder but nah uh, you went all out and explained us what wanda felt, rather than just telling us. chills, it’s so beautifully written too, a masterpiece of fanfictional literature.

adding on the detail thing again — the slightly crumbled question papers make a reappearance which i personally like, because it makes it all seem more well rounded, you know? keeping the small little details in, i like it :)

i also love that we continuously see how hooked wanda is for natasha already, daydreaming of her and stuff — even though natasha annoyed her a little in chapter one. and then, when she sees nat again, wanda turns into a blushing and shy mess — but is still a little annoyed by her. also, love how she was like, i‘m never gonna see natasha again anyway, and then it cuts to wanda dreaming of her, made me giggle a little, or the fancy-pants-rich-ass ms romanoff

or the she totally has a crush on you — want a sandwich? from kate, cause yeah girl, gimme that. it’s fun, i like it.

also, i found a few kind of parallels between chapter one and two and once again, love it and thinks it rounds up the story nicely. like— wanda tried it in chapter one and now again too, trying to be professional and remain nonchalant. only to immediately fail and blurt out not thought through questions — which nat still answers with the same amusement.

also think it‘s cute how wanda seems in denial, or probably too uncertain of herself, to realise nat is interested in her. because wanda sees these little things, like the softening of nat‘s eyes, or her teasing and stuff — but refuses to think it’s because nat might like her.

my favourite line of this chapter is wanda immediately wants to catch the woman of guard again. her face was so… soft.

that‘s such a soft, dreamy and sweet way to write and i just love it. gives the moment a soft, intimate vibe:

also, wanda feels like banging her head against the cash register.

the obsession wanda has with banging her head into things, first a wall, now a cash register, needs to je studied.

overall, i think this chapter had some nice displays of show, don’t tell and nice parallels to chapter one, which makes this seem so whole, you know? i sometimes feel like fanfics, even series, can feel like completely different things because the chapters are so choppy and don’t blend into each other — but you do that. you do make them blend into each other, that’s cool and makes it so nice to read

x🧡

This is once again perfection, darling. I'm glad that you like my show don't tell style of writing!!! I really hate just saying stuff, like I can't read a fic if the author is like "And then she walked away. and was sad" like give me more?! Give me a "Her feet dragged, a frown etched onto her face as creases appeared slightly between her brows" idk it just reads better, ya know?

YAYYY we love a good parallel!!! And yes... Wanda should definitely stop wanting to smash her head into things lol. We love a shy, flustered Wanda who pretends that she's not. It's adorable.

Thank you again!! I look forward to your analysis of chapter 3 ♡

[gio-goose]

Can you give me a few art tips i want to be able to draw sin kiske too

I am not the greatest at explaining things or giving advice. These tips are just what many artists have already said and points that *I* personally agree with or have helped *me*. The reason why I am putting emphasis on myself is because everyone is different so what helps *me* might not help you. These things you will have to figure out yourself, BUT there are many MANY art tutorials from different artists with different styles so maybe you can find something there! Anyways moving on-

Don‘t think too much and just DOODLE DOODLE AND MORE DOODLING

I am serious, turn that brain off and start doodling. I had this mental barrier for sometime (that I am still struggling with) where I just didn‘t feel confident in my art and didn‘t even wanna START drawing, bc I felt like everything sucked ass. But just turning that brain off and mindlessly doodling is so SO great because it doesn‘t have to be perfect or anything AND through the repeating motions of sketching you‘re training your hand to become better at making nice smooth strokes. Sketching mindlessly is honestly very theraputic for me, cuz I just get to have silly fun. There‘s no pressure in doing things. AND sometimes doodling mindlessly can lead to great ideas.

Tracing/Referencing

Ik there‘s lots of discourse about tracing and referencing in the art community, but I can only tell you that this has been extremely helpful for me and getting my anatomy right. While tracing helps getting the placements of body parts and lines right, referencing really helps train your eyes what to look for. You‘ll start to recognize familiar shapes that are prevalent in almost all body types or certain things that are almost always there in nature. Tracing can also help you get more familiar in the way that you draw certain things. These techniques are all about familiarizing yourself with whatever you‘re trying to draw (bodies, faces, landscapes etc) and engraving it into your mind. Ofc if you decide to post something where you traced or referenced something it‘s always good to show your sources, but this is mostly something to do in private.

Take breaks, treat yourself with something nice :)

Art can be tiring, so be sure to always ALWAYS take breaks when you feel like its about to get frustrating and maybe eat something, do something else to replenish that art juice, yeah? Breaks can last however long you want. Whats most important is that you won‘t start hating the process cuz this shit can be mentally taxing so breaks are super important. Even if the break takes a year or something, art can always wait and its not like you‘ll immediately forget all your skills that you have gained yk? Maybe you‘ll get rusty but muscle memory is one hell of a thing. You‘ll get the hang of it in no time!

Get shiggy wiggy with it

What I mean by this is to just have fun. Art is supposed to be enjoyable, so I say go crazy, go stupid with it. Like who gives a shit if its stupid or cringe? Just have fun! Don‘t let someone ruin the fun in art for you, okay? These people stink anyway smh my head… they just don‘t understand the joy of creating a beautiful art piece about ur favourite charaters doing dumb shit or kissing each other. (Just uh… don‘t get illegal with it)

Get obsessed with something. I am very serious about this

Unironically, getting obsessed with a character or franchise has helped me a lot to keep being motivated to draw. Like a character that just makes you so so happy that you just keep drawing them (I mean, look at me 💀), which goes back to the first point. Being obsessed with something can keep you drawing something for a long time. And it gives you a big ass serotonin boost. However-

Try something new!

Drawing the same thing over and over again is great, but it can get stagnant really quick. So sometimes you have to try something new, stuff that might be difficult or things you aren‘t really confident yet (like hands. Yeah I know, its a nightmare). Doing this will make your skillset much bigger and may deepen your understanding on how stuff works cuz this art stuff is really interconected. Like, if you know one thing then maybe you can also do the other.

Take it slow. Be easy on yourself

There is ALWAYS this constant need to improve. Especially on social media, where artists are expected to improve in lightning speeds or post the perfect art pieces (and tbh some of these might be self imposed too). But you really, you don‘t. Just enjoy it at your own pace, be proud of the stuff you made. Save it, keep it and look back on it to see how much you‘ve improved. Don‘t view art as something you need to be perfect at, but just as something that makes you happy. An outlet for your feelings. Something to do when you‘re bored. Or stuff like that, cuz it‘s really not that serious UNLESS you want it to be like a job or something. So be patient, because art is a marathon, not a sprint. There is no need to hurry.

Aannddd if you wanna be able to draw Sin specifically then channel your inner whimsical creature, become jolly, be silly and get shiggy wiggy with it :)))

[beardedhandstoadshark]

Hopfully comprehensive list about things in Zelda 2 that might be important for folks doing fan stuff for the game but don‘t wanna play it for expected reasons cuz tbf, yea the game is hard!

(because if I read "8bitrule is a deadly wasteland" one more time I‘ll delete my save file and go join the Yiga Clan XD /lh)

It got VERY long so I sorted into different categories for some semblance of order lmao. It goes:

Backstory

Plot

General info on Hyrule

Towns

General info on Link (+ move set)

Spells

Items

Collectibles

And other funky stuff

Hopefully this will be of help/interest to someone. And if not, oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Not enough Zelda 2 stuff out there anyways, so more is always good!

I do like talking about this game so for extra info pls feel free to ask :3

Backstory:

2 Zeldas, the new Zelda is actually a great-great-smth aunt of Zelda 1, and the reason it‘s called "the Legend of Zelda“

Long ago, her bro (and his wizard buddy) pressured her into telling them the secrets of the Triforce she got from their dead dad. Zelda didn‘t tattle, wizard buddy tried to strike her down via spell in anger

Spell went out of control, put Zelda into eternal sleep and killed wizard buddy in one swoop

Prince lost sis and buddy, fell into remorse, locked her in a tower Sleeping-beauty style in hopes the spell would be reversed one day and decreed every princess shall be named Zelda from now on

Plot:

16 old Link chillin his life when a triangle starts glowing on his hand?? Asks Impa for help, she brings her to the magically sealed door where Zelda the First sleeps, cue Backstory

gives him crystals he needs to put in statues in palaces to unlock a seal on the temple that holds the Triforce of Courage (because he did not have that before)

All the bosses are guardians of the statues + Dark Link is his actual shadow that he fights against to prove his heart is pure enough to hold it

It was brought to life by some old guy hanging out there (never explained but he’s probs supposed to be a sage and looks a lot like the Old Man from Zelda 1, though much like all Wise Men in this game do)

Ganon has literally nothing to do with any of that, his monsters just really want Link dead so they can sprinkle his blood on Ganon‘s ashes and bring him back. (Since they need him dead, it probs needs a lot of blood)

Hyrule:

different areas : fields, woods, beaches, caves, swamps, mountains, deserts, graveyards, and one Lake Hylia

2 continents divided by sea, west and east + a small island that is one big labyrinth (named maze island)

different towns, all of them have the names of Oot sages plus Harbor Town Mido and Kazuto Town

the locations/"elements“ of towns do not match their future sages in the slightest (Saria gets water. Ruto‘s in a valley. Nabooru‘s by the sea, fully green and far away from the desert sands).

towns in West Hyrule are well connected via roads

East Hyrule has broken roads (if at all) and Kazuto is even completely ransacked by monsters

there‘s a new Kazuto Town hidden in some woods, while Old Kazuto is an actual Ghost town

Stonehedge is not only a thing but appears in multiple locations

Big Fairies are a thing, but they come without Water Fountains. Instead just hang out in the woods, stonehedge, wherever

streets are always safe. You will never see a monster as long as you stay on it. If you stray, monsters will spawn (though sometimes its fairies instead). If you run back on the street and a monster gets you there, the "battle“ will be empty and you can just walk out. Streets are always safe.

the main graveyard got the King‘s Tomb in the middle of it; has a secret tunnel to one of the palaces

there‘s a smaller graveyard near Death Mountain by Spectacle Rock that‘s apparently supposed to be the Zelda 1 graveyard -> Zelda 1 played in a small part of West Hyrule

third graveyard near The Valley of Death (name is accurate gameplay wise too ._.)

Towns:

very lively communities

different styles of houses, some have bushes, fountains (with drinkable water), different sections separated by gates, etc.

you have to climb on roofs and jump through windows to get into some buildings

Link can get multiple things here: free healthcare from a lady in red, filled up magic from an old lady in orange, a side quest that usually leads to either a new sword skill or magic spell. Those can always be obtained from a knight/wizard in the basement of the main building.

pretty much all villagers can be talked with and either give: generic Hi‘s, vague hints about the next goal, the sidequest, some praise him as the hero and wish him luck

Sometimes they also turn out to be Aches (monsters that look identical to villagers until you talk to them, upon which they turn into bats and attack); pretty much exclusive to the later/Eastrule towns

Link:

16y old and left his equipment at home, only got a sword and shield

Zelda 1 was years ago for him

learned to wear pants between Zelda 1 and 2 (they‘re brown, same color as his shirt. You could make it a onesie if you want to)

hair color‘s somewhere between brown and ginger

Left handed gang

certified recorder player

silly goober

given that Impa got to him so fast, good chance he‘s at the castle often enough

if botw Link is a parry god, he‘s a blocking god

shield is only small enough to cover half his body, hence him learning how to move it at hyperspeed

unnamed sword but the Magic/White Sword from Zelda 1 is on the cover so it’s most likely that one

gains new equipment throughout the game via dungeons

can gain exp and level up, but unless you specifically set him up pre/during his quest, you wanna treat this lad like he‘s maxed out

skills: stab, crouch stab, up jab (like the one from smash), jump/down jab (also like the one from smash, this is where it‘s from)

Spells:

Shield (turns his tunic red and up‘s defense),

Jump (lets him jump high),

Life (restores 3 blocks of HP; your max possible HP is 8 with all Heart Containers. Doesn‘t start out the most expensive, but unlike most other spells barely gets cheaper with higher magic levels, making it the 2nd most expensive in the log run.)

Fairy (turns him into a fairy; small, no fighting but flying, and lets you skip through locked doors! 3rd most expensive.)

Fire (shoot fire from your sword; some enemies can only be defeated this way)

Reflect (reflects magic attacks, lets you block spells that would otherwise go past your shields; basically magic defense)

Spell (turns some enemies into slime + unlocks a secret area in New Kazuto)

Thunder (rains thunder on the whole screen; needed to defeat a boss. Most expensive spell in the game, regardless of magic level.)

the other spells are all dirt cheap in higher levels

if you wanna be real detailed: one magic meter block = 16 MP, totalling for 128 with a maxed meter. A fully leveled (in mp) Link will use 60mp for Thunder, 50 for hp, 40 for fairy, 8 for Jump and 16 for all others. Otherwise, here‘s a table for MP usage across levels.

Items:

Candle: equivalent of the magic lantern, infinite light source. Unlike Zelda 1, this one doesn‘t let you commit property damage :(

Hammer: breaks giant boulders on the road, letting you access shortcuts. Also lets you cut down any tree tiles on the overworld, turning it into fields- Property damage is back baby!

Handy Glove: Lets Link crush blocks with his sword. Even more destruction and a good compromise for the lack of vases imo.

Raft: used to cross from West to East Hyrule.

boots: let you straight up walk on water, but only in certain places.

Whistle/Flute: is actually a recorder (flutes are held sideways, recorders forward. That‘s like. The biggest difference between these two instruments, bar the reputation.) Used to make a monster blocking the road disappear and summon a palace, similar to how you shrink a boss and drain a lake in Zelda 1. Doesn‘t let you teleport though. Does play the same tune, though. It‘s the one also heard in the oot intro!

magic key: the key to end all keys, lets you open all the doors in every dungeon forever (despite the name does not need MP)

Cross: regarless of what some more zealous fans of the series claim as a means to justify their unjustified bigotry, Christianity is not canon to the series. But much like other Japanese media, it sure likes borrowing from its aesthetics! Case in point, this item is just the Kirbo meme. It lets you see invisible ghosts so you can kick their ass. (you don‘t need it to hit them, but they‘re a pain to dodge/ hit even with it.).

Collectibles:

magic jar: same as ever. Blue fills 1 mp block, red fills all. Doesn‘t fill instantly, so if your meter’s got points left you can wait till its half full, use a high mp spell, and still get the rest of the points that‘d otherwise go to waste. Dungeons sometimes contain statues, which drop one jar (or start attacking you).

treasure bag: holds exp (money doesn‘t exist in this game)

key

doll: weird but surprisingly cute doll that looks exactly like a miniature version of Link and gives you an extra life. (The game has lives- if you get a game over, Ganon gets resurrected on screen.)

Bowl of Hearts: Looks, acts like, is a Heart Container. Gives you 1 block of HP; you start with 4, for a max of 8. Can be found wherever Heart Containers would be.

Magic Container: Looks like a filled jar; Heart Container but for MP.

Other funky stuff:

you rescue a kid that got lost in caves

has instances of Link talking in 1st person; one appears by looking under a stranger’s table in a house: "I found a mirror under the table“.

Everyone knows the man the myth the legend, the npc named "Error“, but there’s actually a 2nd guy named "Bagu“. As in, Bug. Game bug.

Bro has a pet Bot (this games‘ version of Chus) sleeping in his house. You can annoy it into waking up and it‘ll tell you where he is so you‘ll finally leave

the waters are NOT poisonous in the slightest (seriously, where did that come from) …but they are infested with jumping Piranhas.

Saria Town only lets people use the bridge connecting the 2 sides of the river if you‘re a citizen or get a permit from Bagu. Vaguely remember you could also take a long road around it tho

With 9.5 towns, a lot of greenery everywhere, and ACTUAL. FUNCTIONAL. ROADS :O This might be one of the most well-off Hyrules in the series (ironically >v<)

Aaaand *looks at length of this post^ ok yea that is enough lmao, I might genuinely hit the word limit here, oof. I‘m a rare Zelda 2 enjoyer can yall tell XD

[anantaru]

Hi Yoru! I was wondering if you have any tips on growing your blog? For someone just starting out or in general?

some overall things i think are important:

— figure out what fandoms you want to write for, if you want to be a single fandom only kind of blog (like me) or a multifandom one!

— have a nice theme, make your own rules, your byi, tag system, make sure to have these out of the way first so when someone comes across your blog they can find your rules and know what you‘re comfortable with etc.

— once you got more writings, make sure to have a masterlist for people to go back to!

— tag stuff accordingly, if you write dark content, please tag it, mention it. Mention who your writing is catered to, for example: fem! reader etc. etc. + also filter things that make you uncomfortable so you don‘t get triggered.

— write for yourself and don‘t be discouraged if you aren‘t getting much interaction in the first few months of writing. You can‘t expect to post 2-3 fics and already have a steady influx on asks, for example for me personally, it took me like 1-2 months until i had a steady influx of asks coming my way. I just want to get this out there because sometimes i see writers be discouraged about that (while they’ve been on the app for less than 1 week) but sadly you can‘t expect it to happen so soon. (also i hope this doesn‘t sound like me being as asshole, but it is simply the truth.)

— don‘t look at followers, notes etc. as long as you like a fic you wrote, that‘s enough reason. If you write for validation, you do you! but don’t be surprised if you get burned out afterwards.

— tumblr doesn‘t show your followers anyways so why focus on them + even if they would, it doesn‘t mean anything!

— don‘t be jealous of other writers, this is tumblr, no one��s better than you and you aren‘t better either! be a nice person. (also if you see a writer you don‘t like, block them and move on, don‘t subpost and be desperate, please don’t be toxic and mean, you don‘t know anyone on here irl, we all have our own dealings, we have feelings, so just be a nice person and nice things will come back to you) + the amount of people coming into my askbox showing me stuff which only made me block them too because it‘s just childish, don‘t be like that, please be nice 💗!!

— this might be a hot take ?? but mutuals are not important, follow who you like, that‘s it. Don‘t expect follows back, you can make connections with people on here without following each other. I know it can be seen quite clique?? i suppose? i personally am not really someone who likes making mutuals because i‘ve sadly had a couple of bad experiences and they have traumatized me greatly so i might come off as shy! 🫶🏻

— with that in mind, block people freely, don‘t feel bad, again you don‘t know them. The moment someone makes you feel irritated, block them! if they complain? that‘s on them, whatever! this is supposed to be your safespace so you curate it how you like!

— last but not reast, "growing your blog" shouldn‘t be something you should prioritize, ever. Again if you‘re only here for followers, okay why not?? but keep in mind you‘re going to get very burned out some day, just saying.

— have fun, seriously, this is supposed to be a nice experience, writing about your favorite characters while sharing your creativeness 💗

— writing has become a very important hobby for me and i‘m very fortunate enough to be able to use it as an additional source of income now in my real life as well, (because tumblr has helped me sharpen my writing skills) you never know what will happen, let yourself move freely and enjoy the process! 🌸

[burningtheroots]

I'm glad I discovered radical feminism when I was 13. I'm 14 right now. But it's so painful to see how misogyny affects teenagers so much. Especially the early stages. I wish I was in a all girls school and have a girlfriend. Life would be so much better if I was ignorant and was attracted to men. It's hard. I can't find anyone who shares the same opinions as me especially at my age.

At some point when I was 10-12, I would support men's rights because I was watching those incel male youtubers, which kinda affected me. It still does. There's almost no radfem youtubers I can watch, i only read books and go on reddit occasionally for info. I've also been having negative thoughts. I can't trust men no more, not even my father or male relatives. My brother, who is about 10+ years older, is the only one I can trust and talk to, but he doesn't take anything seriously. My mother is terrible, she called me trans because I said I liked girls. It was painful. Every time I talk to a boy. I get reminded of how he probably watches porn, makes inappropriate jokes with his friends, and hits girls. I hate living on this earth. Hopefully when I get older I'll have more freedom and be happy. But it's hard.

Sorry for the vent, but I love your blog. It's one of my favorite radfem accounts. Love you lots ♡

Hey!! <3

First of all, thank you very much for your kind words and support, I appreciate it!

I‘m really sorry for what you‘re going through! Especially at your age, it must be very difficult to navigate through all of this. :(

You can be sure that these incel YouTubers don’t have any truth in their words, and I hope you can heal from this horrible experience. It‘s not your fault!

I don’t know your relatives, if they‘ve been abusive or something, but I understand that you‘re distrustful. I don’t really know what to do in this situation, since I don‘t have the full picture — and I don’t want to give any advice that might put you into trouble. I just really hope that you‘ll eventually find someone who respects & understands you, and supports you. I know that it can seem impossible, but it won’t be like this forever.

With some time, I‘m sure you‘ll find happiness. You don’t have the support you need right now, and the misogyny & homophobia you experience is awful to say the least, but there are women who understand your experiences and you won’t be stuck in this environment forever. You‘ll be able to surround yourself with the people you feel safe with, and you won’t be alone.

Just as a little suggestion, be careful on Reddit, and generally online. I‘m sure you already are, but social media and especially platforms like Reddit aren’t safe especially for your mental well-being. When you found a few women-centered subs which help you, that‘s amazing, I just recommend not to interact with the rest of Reddit, since it‘s infiltrated with incels. I also only check on women‘s subs and one fandom. :)

Anyways, take care and stay strong, you got this! I‘m wishing you the best ♥️

And thank you once again, it means a lot!

[atalienart]

it sounds likely to me that it‘s you and not the story, so it‘s just you overthinking it and being in this not-reader position where you can‘t really… yeah, see your own story the way a reader would unless you‘ve taken significant time away from it i guess.

that would also be my tip? like maybe take some time away from writing. really just do completely anything and everything else, don‘t even think about it, have fun with something else and get your mind off it.

and then come back. and it might be significantly easier. that‘s what usually does it for me with projects or hobbies, and i‘ve heard other people talk about this too.

i hope it‘ll help. and i really don‘t think your story is rubbish or boring :‘) it‘s the writer‘s curse to arrive at a point where it suddenly just seems like Shit (when really, it‘s not)

Maybe if I switch off thinking and just write it would be better because I really just want to finish this story x'D I've procrastinated for too long. I basically ignored it whole March. Anyway, thank you for the kind words and the advice, I appreciate it very much ❤️