#(Those two in my play through are the definition of “we’ll learn it just in case…)

[spork-supremacy]

I think my most disjointed media experience has to be Harry Potter.

I feel so all over the place thinking about it.

Like, I’ve had the books for a while. Got to the diagon alley bit in the first before giving up and getting bored. Also somehow ruined those pages with hot chocolate. I skipped the second one. Fully finished the third, got over halfway on the fourth. Skipped the fifth. And got a couple pages into the sixth one before calling it quits.

I did binge all the movies, could not tell you a thing about them other than particular scenes. I really didn’t like the lighting in most of them. Very dark. Browsed free to air tv last night saw order of the Phoenix and it proved my point.

I felt no attachment to most characters no matter how hard I tried. Except, like Minerva or the twins.

yet I owned a copy of the curse child and binge read it. (Really need to reread it just to pay closer attention to scorpius).

I own both a history of magic, and fantastic beasts (the encyclopaedia book)

played Hogwarts mystery, that little Mobile game, and liked it. (For like, characters and plot, game play itself is tedious)

then I got a copy of Hogwarts legacy and played the shit out of it.

What I’m getting at here is I did not care for most of the main story or the characters, but I liked literally everything else around it.

A case of world building better than actually story to me. Granted this was just my experience, I’m happy for those who can connect with the main canon, more fics to yee I say.

quite literally though, in HL there’s a small mini game where this raven claw girl quizzes you the lore and I got it all correct, despite not actually caring about those books, just the stuff in the world around them.

[magics-neptunes-things]

Williamson Holding

Hi guys!

Sooo this is a request from @holly-wallis and honestly it's massive. Like more than 14K words. It took me forever to do it, that's why I haven't post as much as before those last days/weeks.

I really hope that you will enjoy it. I proofread it two times but it's so big that I might have forgot some faults.

TW : Angst, Jealousy, Break up, One-side love, Game lost, mention of Covid. Reader is Leah Williamson's sister.

Gif credit for Caitlin’s one at @teenwolf-theoriginals

______________________________________________________________

You were an accident. Not really wanted at first, you were born 354 days after Leah, the 18 March 1998. Your parents weren’t ready to have a second child so early after the birth of their first daughter, but you never felt anything but love from them. People joke sometimes that they used the same recipe for Leah and for you. It’s true that you look a lot like her physically and for the character you have definitively some similar points too. You both are determined, loyal, funny, and very close of your family. But the person you are the closest is definitively Leah.

3 years after you, your brother Jacob is born. You like to joke about it and saying that they finally weren’t to traumatize by you more than that. Jacob is your brother, and you love him very much, but your relationship is different from the one with Leah. You like having time with him, but with him being away in Australia now, it’s a little bit harder.

Oh, and like Leah and your mother you’re an Arsenal fan, obviously.

You started football together, but you played the goalkeeper, letting Leah practicing striking and dribbling. You weren’t bad to be honest, but they was to many competition to be a goalkeeper and you decided during your teenager period to go for study instead of football.

You were great in it honestly; Leah sometimes asked you to do her homework when she came back too late from training. You’ll do it with pleasure, happy to help your big sister who paid you generously in candy. Or dried mango, your great passion.

On day after Leah turned 17, she made her big debut with Arsenal senior team. You were so proud of her, cheering her from the stand with all your family. It was very different of what it is now, but you already knew that she would make something amazing in football. And how much were you right.

It was at this period that Leah and you talked about a company that you could make together. Leah was studying accounting in case of her career wasn’t successful and you were very interested in marketing, publicity and human relations.

The Williamson Holding Corporation was founded in summer 2016, when you finished your tuition. You learned several languages (French, Spanish and Mandarin) during your free time and thanks to Leah and your parent’s financial help, you were able to start this adventure. Your company always were able to have a good profit every year. You were able to repay your parents already and Leah always refused, so you made her a founder, just like you.

Through the years, your company get a sponsorship with Arsenal and in particular Arsenal Women, obviously. Along the years, you managed to travel a lot to make your company known in other countries and find other financials, but you always managed to come back to see Leah play. You never missed one of her games, as crazy at it sound.

February 2020 – When you properly met Caitlin for the first time.

“Y/N! Sorry, can I borrow my sister for one second?”

Leah doesn’t wait for the answer to your interlocutor and takes your arm to drag you somewhere else. You let her though, secretly happy to have to finish this uninterested discussion with that weird man. You note mentally to be sure not to invite him to the next gala.

“Where’s the dead body?” you ask your sister who rolls her eyes.

“Don’t joke about it, we’ll get catch by Covid otherwise.”

You roll your eyes yourself, but don’t say anything. You just wait to your sister to stop at some time, for what she almost kidnapped you. You end up right in front of Caitlin Foord, the new signing for Arsenal. You already saw her to the games, you smirked when you caught her looking at you two time before realizing that you weren’t Leah, the first time she saw you. To her point, you were wearing Leah’s jersey.

“Cait, my sister. Sis, this is Caitlin.” Leah introduces you, before leaving you both to catch someone else.

“Uh, hello?” Caitlin mumbles with surprise, apparently not advertise that Leah were going to introduce you both.

“Hi” you giggle. “Nice to be properly introduced to you. Please excuse my sister, she isn’t the one who studied human relations.”

Your giggles and your joke help Caitlin to relax and you’re happy to see her smiling too.

“I can see that” Caitlin answers with her Australian accent.

You had a small talk with her about Australia, a country where you never been for now. You really looked to it though, and not only to have the opportunity to make your company bigger. Jacob and you always talked about going there for holidays. And after talking to Caitlin, you will definitively go to the east part of the country.

You were joined by Katie McCabe and the three of you started talking for a long time after that. Caitlin asked you several questions about your company and seems surprised to learn the amount of work you are putting in it.

“She’s a natural” Katie smirks “Everyone comes eat in her hand, she can make people do whatever she wants.”

You smirk back, raising an eyebrow while crossing your arms on your chest at the same time.

“Not everything with everyone.”

Katie doesn’t have the time to answer anyway, because Leah is back with her Williamson’s frown.

“No flirting with my teammates Y/N!”

“I wasn’t! I wouldn’t have any problem with Irish mafia.” you answer, thinking about Katie’s girlfriend.

You raise both of your hands to prove your innocence. Katie and you aren’t really flirting, it was more for fun and for joking with each other. Katie laughs while Leah hums for any answer and changed the subject just after that, training you, Katie and Caitlin in the discussion.

The night went great, and you are happy to be able to have some time with Leah’s teammates who are also your friends, especially the ones who are in the team since a long time. You get along pretty well with Caitlin too, who would accept really quickly to at least make a photoshoot and a sponsoring for your company. Unfortunately there is suddenly the lockdown and you weren’t able to do it before that.

October 2020 – The shooting

“Hi Y/N!”

You smile to the employee who greats you when you enter the building where the photoshoot for Caitlin was attending. Being at every single one is something you do every time, so your employees aren’t surprised to see you coming. You great them back, asking around if everything is fine with everyone. It seems to be, so you go to find Caitlin.

The Australian girl is just coming out of the room where she changed her clothes and find herself right in front of you.

“Oh hi! I didn’t know you will come.”

“I like to be here for this kind of things” you answer with a smile. “How are you?”

“I’m fine thank you” she smiles back.

“Y/N are you ok if we start?” the photographer asks.

“Of course. I’m going to sit here.”

You look at your phone on the way, answering a message from one of your managers before sitting on a chair some meters away from the different cameras. Caitlin doesn’t seem to be at ease at first, but soon she finds her way. You have a perfect and entirely trust in your team, but you have already red too much time how people can make other bad with their comportment, and you clearly don’t want that in your company. That’s why you don’t have a lot of employees too. That and the fact that you love have the control on everything.

After several shots, the photographer decides to make a break and you come over to see what the pictures look like. They are great to be honest.

“I really love this one” you smile, pointing one of the pictures.

Caitlin’s blue eyes are really showing in it. You haven’t realized how blue they are since now to be honest. You then raise your gaze on the girl, just to cross the same blue.

“I think this is my favorite too.”

You hum, before congratulating the photographer for her job. It’s the first time she does it for you, but you will certainly ask her to work for you again. She’s young, like you, and you like the idea to help young people to start in their life. Provided they deserve it, of course.

They take other pictures after that, and you choose five of them to post on the social media.

“Do you want to go to eat something?” you ask Caitlin when everything is finished.

You don’t always have the time to do it with everyone, but when you can, you do it. Like you said before, almost every girl in Arsenal is your friend. You know some of them more, like Jen Beattie, Katie McCabe, or Lia Wälti who are the closest to Leah to be honest. But you like all of them. You didn’t have the time to meet Steph Catley for now though. It probably will be coming soon.

Caitlin accepted your offer, and you take her to one of your favorite restaurants.

“I didn’t expect to eat at Nando’s to be honest” Caitlin smiles after you sat at your table.

“Oh” you answer, looking up from the menu you know by heart. “We can go somewhere else if you want, I thought – “

“No, it’s perfect here. I like it. I used to go there with my Mum and my sister a lot back in Australia.”

You smile softly, relaxing a little bit. People seems to forget sometimes that you are still a young woman who can enjoy eating burger or fries with her fingers.

“How are you settling in London?” you ask after the waiter came to take your command.

“Good, actually. The rain is something else, but the girls are great.”

“I heard you especially like the Swiss part” you smirk.

You laugh when Caitlin blushes. Leah told you about Lia and Caitlin relationship several weeks ago, when they start to date officially. You don’t have to tell Caitlin how you know it though; the girl understands it really quickly.

“Leah talks too much” she smiles nevertheless. “What about you? Are you seeing someone?”

“Not for now” you shake your head, adding when you see Caitlin’s questioning look. “I mean I had some dates slash fling with someone but it’s hard to be in a relationship while working so much. Girls seems to have a hard time understanding I will pass my family and my job before something else. I can understand though, so it’s better for me to be single for now.”

“I didn’t know you were into girls too. You really are Leah’s copy.”

“Maybe” you smile.

Your sister is your favorite person ever. You will never be upset to be compared to her. In your eyes, she’s the most amazing person in the world.

“I am lucky to be able to see her so much. I won’t be able to deal with it as good as you do.”

“It’s very hard sometimes. Because of the lockdown and all I wasn’t able to go back to Australia. I haven’t seen them for almost a year now…”

You wince at the sadness suddenly present in Caitlin’s eyes, regretting to have point this. You are interrupted by the waiter and your meal coming for you, but you excuse yourself anyway.

“I’m sorry to bring it up. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I know, don’t worry” Caitlin smiles softly. “I will see them soon now.”

You look into Caitlin’s eyes for some more seconds to be sure that she’s saying the truth, before nodding slowly. She seems to be honest, and you are really relieved. Starting a friendship like this would have been the worst way. You finally smile back and report your attention on your plate just after Caitlin did.

The following of the conversation is a little easier, talking about Arsenal helps a lot. You talk to Caitlin about all the little things she maybe didn’t know for now and learn a lot of things about her and her past. She talked to you about her childhood and the financial difficulties her mother had, raising two children as a single mom. That makes you realize one more time how lucky you are to be where you are now. This kind of stories remember you about it and it’s never enough in your opinion.

October 2021 – The surprise

Unlike Caitlin was hopping, she wasn’t able to see her family as much as she wanted. She went in Switzerland with Lia though and told you that it was a very great time. You thought about her sometimes, remembering the trouble her eyes did to you, but you erased this kind of thoughts very quickly. Caitlin was in a happy relationship and there is no way you even look at a no-single lady.

You managed to build a friendship with her though and you sometimes went out with her, Lia, and Leah. You had a great time every time and you decided that it was perfect for you like this.

Caitlin opened herself to you about missing her family, but the tickets to come in London from Australia were expensive and you know that she doesn’t mean it like that, but you don’t think twice before contacting Caitlin’s sister and offering to them the tickets. They refuse at first, but you managed to find the good words. And, not for the situation being strange, you included Lia in the surprise.

After all, Caitlin was your friend and Lia was her girlfriend.

The Swiss woman went to the airport to take Jamie and her mother back to Caitlin home. Leah asked the team to put some interview or media things for Caitlin at the right time, to let you and her decorate Caitlin’s house with the most too much decoration ever. There is a banner writing “Surprise” on it, yellow and green balloons, an Australian flag, and you even managed to find a kangaroo balloon who is floating around the living room.

“That’s so kitsch. I love it” Leah smirks.

You giggle while looking around. You have to admit that you made a great job together. Two seconds after, Lia and the two Foord were coming inside the house. After some greetings and hugs, they looked at the decoration and approve it too.

“So, I guess this is our time to leave.” Leah says while looking at you.

You nod and prepare yourself to take your things to leave. It was without counting on Caitlin’s mother opinion.

“What do you mean you’re leaving?” Simone asks with her Australian accent. “You helped to do that; you’re definitively staying.”

“But – “ you start.

“No but.”

You see Jamie, Caitlin’s sister, rolling her eyes at her mother antics, but you don’t have time to say something else because Lia comes, running from the entrance where she was looking outside.

“She’s here! Hide!”

After a moment of panic, Jamie and Simone hide behind the couch while Leah and you went to the kitchen. Two seconds later, the door is open.

“Lia? You’re home?” Caitlin asks.

“In the living room, Love.”

You hear the characteristic sound of keys dropping on a wood furniture and Caitlin walking to the living room. You can’t help but peek in the room, Leah doing exactly the same thing a second after, her head above yours.

“Surprise!”

Caitlin probably had a heart attack, but you can’t help but smile seeing her face. Lia is doing the same thing while Jamie and Simone went to hug the shocked girl. You smirk seeing Leah getting emotional, what’s coast you a slap on the head. You send her the Williamson’s glare, but she doesn’t seem to be impress by at for a single second. Which probably make sense.

After some tears and explications, Leah proposed to serve the Champagne she choose to celebrate the reunion. Your sister and you try to escape one more time to let the Foord in family, but Simone doesn’t let you one more time.

It’s a little bit later that you find yourself alone with Caitlin, while you were looking for something alcohol free to drink.

“Lia told me what you did. I don’t have the words to thank you enough.”

Of course, Lia isn’t the kind of girl to take credits for something she hasn’t done. You smile and shrug at Caitlin.

“You don’t have to. I was happy to do that for you.”

Caitlin bites her lip and looks in your eyes.

“You know, when I mention that the tickets were expensive…”

“I know you weren’t saying it for me to do that, Cait. I wouldn’t have done it otherwise.”

“Ok.”

You smile again and were ready to go back to the living room, but Caitlin surprises you by giving you a hug. You weren’t expecting it to be honest, but it’s still pleasant. You hug her back, tightening her briefly against you.

“Thank you” she mumbles.

“You’re welcome.”

Spring 2022 – The Breakup

“Caitlin and Lia broke up”

“What?”

You stop your movement, your chopsticks between your mouth and your plate. You were having dinner with Leah in her house, like every Monday when you are in London. Leah snorts when the noodles fall back in your plate, making some sauce splash your shirt, but that’s not what you are concentrating on.

“What do you mean they broke up?”

Leah shrug et finish her chicken before answering you.

“It happened this weekend, Lia called me Sunday evening.”

“What happened?”

You were shocked. Lia and Caitlin seem to get along very well the last time you saw them.

“Nothing much. Lia said they just went apart and that her relationship was more comfortable than passionate now.”

“So, they’re ok?”

“I don’t really know for Caitlin. But Lia was still very upset about it. They are still friends and care for each other obviously, but they aren’t a couple anymore.”

You frown only, not really sure what to do about this information. Lia was a good friend of yours and you kind of have avoided Caitlin since you make her family come to England. You realized that day that you were too impacted with her happiness to be only a friend. In your mind, she was with Lia and this relationship would be like forever. It was to protect yourself too, falling for someone who isn’t single isn’t really your thing.

“Did you have news from Caitlin?”

“No” you answer, eating again. “I mean I saw her at the last games but that’s all.”

“Mh.”

“What?” you ask, raising an eyebrow.

“Nothing.”

“‘k.”

Several hours later, you were on your bed, your phone in your hand and the conversation with Caitlin opened. It wasn’t used since your birthday, Caitlin sent you a message to wish you happy birthday, but nothing since that.

Writing to her isn’t a good idea, even if she’s single now, she still in a middle of a breakup. But you still can be a good friend to her, right? You just have to put your feelings away.

From You Hi Caitlin, I heard about your breakup by Leah. I just wanted to tell that if you need someone to talk or something, don’t hesitate to call or write me, ok? I hope you’re ok. Take care of you.

You feel stupid to send her something like that after reading it again. It’s kind of cliché and you hate it. But surprisingly, Caitlin answers you relatively quickly.

From Caitlin Hello, thanks for your message. I will do and I hope you are ok too.

You bite your lips, not really happy about the answer. But in another way, what could you have expected? You didn’t really talk since last year and you were avoiding her like the plague. It’s only your fault.

After that day, you keep checking more frequently with Caitlin, asking her if she needs anything and how she is feeling. From what she answers, she was around a lot with Jordan and Katie. Your sister broke up some weeks ago with Jordan after longs years together, so that’s maybe the explanation of why Leah stays a little away of Caitlin.

You start to talk a lot and when Caitlin starts to be the first to write you can’t help but feel a strange something in your stomach. You also went to eat or drink something, your friendship slowly beginning to start again. You have to admit that you missed her. But she never said or show you anything to make you think that she missed you the way you do.

You think it’s better to have her in your life as a friend than not to have her, though.

Autumn 2022 – The New Season

You never missed a single match from Leah’s team since she plays for Arsenal, so there was no way that you will miss this one too. It’s the first game of the new season and you just came back from your holidays. You went some days with Leah in Ibiza before flying to Dubai with a friend.

You just have time to go home, take a shower and put your Arsenal jersey before coming to the stadium.

“Here she is!” Leah says happily when she sees you.

She hugs you like you haven’t seen each other in months and not ten days. But you hug her back, kissing her cheek before she releases you.

“Someone got a tan” she smirks, taking a step back to have a better look at you.

Unlike Leah, you have the ability to tan. Leah just gets red when she exposed herself without protection. You roll your eyes but don’t respond anything, your attention being catch by a certain Australian striker coming in your direction, five steps away from Leah now.

“And you’re not with your girlfriend?” Leah asks, a teasing smirk always on her face.

“Girlfriend?”

By now Caitlin is just next to Leah and was able to hear your sister. You roll your eyes at her antics before answering.

“She’s not my girlfriend, she’s a friend.”

You frown when Leah snorts and left saying something like “yeah sure”. You watch her leave several seconds before turning to Caitlin.

“She’s not my girlfriend” you say again.

You don’t know why you feel the need to assure that to Caitlin, she probably doesn’t give a single shit about it. In fact, she smiles at you and pass an arm around you to salute you. You didn’t talk a lot a lot during those ten days, the different timetables were insane.

“It’s good to see you” she says before letting you go.

“Good to see you too. How is the comeback from Australia?”

“Still a little jet lag, but I’m fine.”

You smile at her and take the time to really look at her. You don’t do it a lot, scared to fall for her again. I mean, harder. Because now that you have thought about it a little more, you remembered that Leah always told you not to even flirt with one of her teammate. Falling in love with one of them would be worse than everything. You know that she will react very badly to you in a relationship with one of them. You are scared to lose her; Leah will probably never forgive you if she learns that you are in love with Caitlin.

“You look good” you smile sincerely at her.

“Thanks”

You both hear someone calling her on the back, the drills are going to begin, and she has to go.

“Hey, are you still in London tomorrow?” she asks suddenly.

“Yes, why?”

“There is a new place near mine, and they are making brunch who look stunning. Do you want to come?”

“Sure” you smile. “Text me the address and the time.”

After a nod and a smile, she’s gone where she’s needed. The game went great, they got an easy win. And you try to stay impartial when Caitlin got carded.

Christmas 2022 – The New Delivery service

You were at your parent’s house with all your family, without counting Jacob who stayed in Australia this year. Your mother was sad but thanks to a long video call during the moment when you all opened your presents, she seems a little less sad about it. You eat way too much, drink maybe a little too much too. That’s why your mother more or less forbade you to take your car to go home.

Leah stayed too and you are both chilling in one of your parents’ couch with a hot tea. Some Christmas movie is on TV, but you are in a food coma and can’t really focus on it to be honest. You are cuddling against Leah who is playing with your hair.

“Have you heard from Caitlin those days?” your sister asks suddenly.

“We said Merry Christmas to each other this morning, but I guess she’s sleeping now given the time. Why you ask?”

The friendly relationship you have with Caitlin is known by a lot of your friends and family now. And despite all your efforts, you are now deeply in love with her. Seeing her at least both a week don’t help, but you can’t help yourself. When you’re not asking, Caitlin proposes you something and you can’t say no to her.

She told you during autumn that she doesn’t feel very well in her life sometimes, so you made the statement to keep an eye on her.

“She asks to have a mental break. I’m not sure when or if she will come back from Australia. She will miss the first trainings for sure.”

“She didn’t say anything to me” you frown.

She doesn’t have to, to be fair. You are just friends, you’re not her best friend or her sister. She doesn’t owe you anything. But you are still worried.

Later, in your room, you are thinking about a way to send her a message. You don’t want to accuse her of anything or make her feel more pressure. You don’t want to take a place you don’t have too, you sometimes wonder if she’s not having something with Jordan, which would be a little strange maybe. But once again, she doesn’t owe you anything.

From You Hey, I’m sorry if you feel that it’s not my place to ask. But Leah told me that you needed a mental break, so I was wondering if you were ok?

You wait some minutes before thinking again and realizing the stupidity of your message.

From You Forget my question, it was stupid. You asked for a mental break, of course you’re not ok Can you forget those messages please?

You stop there not to look even more strange. You cringe when you throw your phone somewhere on your bed before deciding to go take a long and hot shower. You roll your eyes when your father menace you to make you pay their hot water bill but don’t say anything other than a “Sorry Dad”.

You smile when you hear Leah laughing from her room, before going back to your childhood bedroom. You have a double bed since you are eighteen so you can lay down crosswise it in your towel and look at the ceiling how you want. You soon start to think about how weird your messages to Caitlin were, so you take your phone again.

Just to see that you have two missed calls from Caitlin.

You call her back without waiting a single second, putting your headphone while you wait for her to answer. You realize that it was a FaceTime call only when she answers you with a black screen.

“Hello” she says in a sad voice.

You may be only imagining that because you learned about her need of a mental break only two hours ago.

“Hi. Sorry I missed your calls.”

“Don’t worry. Were you in the shower?”

“How do you know?” you frown.

“You literally are in a towel?”

You lower your eyes on your body and facepalm mentally. If you had one pound every time you humiliate yourself in front of her, you would have been way richer by now.

“Oh shit. Can you wait for a second?”

She hums and you put your phone on the bed to put a shirt and some panties, mentally insulting yourself. You take the time to take a big breath before going back in your bed and taking your phone in your hand.

“Are you still in bed?” you ask, curious about the black screen.

“No, I’m still in my room though. I just… I don’t know. It was stupid to me to call you in FaceTime.”

“Don’t worry. How are you feeling?”

“I’m tired. Like mentally tired. Being at home made me realize that I don’t have a lot keeping me at London right now.”

That hurt. But you don’t say anything, planting your nails deep into the skin of your palms.

“What are you talking about? You have friends here; the girls of the team love you. And the fans too.”

“The fans aren’t really happy of me right now, I’m not able to score a lot and making my job right. I keep disappointing everyone.”

“You have the right to feel a little uneasy, that doesn’t take away from you what you achieved those last months, you know.”

Caitlin doesn’t answer, but you hear her sight a little bit. You don’t know if it’s something to hide some tears and you feel your heart break a little imagining that. You let several seconds pass before talking again.

“What can make you feel better right now?”

“For real? One of the brunches we eat.”

You smile hearing that. The place next to her house became one of your favorite spots to eat together. You really love it too, maybe because you share a lot of secrets and laughs here.

“Really?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Nothing.”

You are lying. An idea had already pop in your head and you feel your brain running while you’re planning something in your head. Caitlin knows you enough to realize that you are up to something. You hear some shuffling, and you imagine that Caitlin just sits on her bed.

“What are you thinking?”

“Nothing” you answer, smiling.

“Y/N. Don’t you dare do something stupid.”

You did. The morning after the call, you went to the restaurant, took Caitlin usual command, and jump in the jet who belongs to your company. You don’t usually use it for long trip like this, but you wanted to be in Australia as soon as possible.

You feel a little bit stupid with your suitcase and the bag where Caitlin’s food is. You ask for it to be wrap carefully and explain that you want to take it on a trip, without mentioning it was a very long trip. Thanks to the fridge, you are sure that you won’t poison Caitlin.

You told to Leah that you have an urgent meeting somewhere in Australia with a possible investor that you can’t ignore. She’s a little bit gutted not to be able to pass New Year with you, but you promised to bring her some Lamington to eat with her tea. In fact, you’re not really lying, you do have someone who is interested by your company in Australia. You just aren’t really obliged to travel here to talk to him.

You swallow with difficulty when you are in front of Caitlin’s porch, hopping that you won’t have to face her mother or her sister. You didn’t mention to Caitlin that you were coming, so if she wants you to go away, you just will. You still have some things to do in Australia, you weren’t totally lying to Leah. You just hide the fact that your priority was to see Caitlin.

You take a big breath before knocking on the door. This is a bad idea. Maybe the worst idea you never had. Why are you so good in your job and so stupid when it concerns the girl you are in love with?

But you don’t have the possibility to stress even more, because soon the door is opening. Caitlin looks at you like you are a hallucination or something.

“Um. I have a delivery for miss Foord?”

You let your suitcase in the car you rent, so you just have the bag with the food in your hand. You lift it to show it to her and it doesn’t take her more than a second to recognize the logo.

“Y/N, what the hell?” she mumbles, taking it in her hand.

“I… Uh. Well, I have stuff to do in Australia for the company and I thought that because I’m on this part of the globe, it could be great to please you.”

You’re lying. And very bad. Caitlin is looking at you like you are crazy, and you can’t blame her, you made a 24 hours journey to take her some breakfast and see her. She’s not supposed to know the truth, but you feel like she has some suspicions. You feel yourself blush and offer her a small smile.

“I better go. Enjoy your food and see you later.”

Maybe you’ll go let yourself die in the middle of the Australian’s desert. With a little luck, some snake or scorpions are going to come to bite you and you will die in atrocious suffering.

“No, wait!”

She grabs your arm with her hand, and you turn in her direction. She’s looking at you with a strange gaze, that you don’t know from her.

“Do you want to drink something? We don’t have Earl Grey, but I still can make you a tea if you want to.”

“Ok” you smile softly.

Caitlin doesn’t let your arm go and took you inside. It’s very quiet and after several seconds you ask her if her mother or sister are here. She answers no, her sister is now leaving with her fiancé and her mother is working today. You nod, secretly relieved to know that you won’t have to face Simone for now. You’re pretty sure that she understood when you saw her the last time the real feelings you have for her daughter.

“Where are you staying?” Caitlin asks while you look at her making you a cup of tea.

“At Park Hyatt”

“In Sydney?”

You hum and she frowns while giving you the cup of tea. It’s fuming and because you are drinking a lot of tea, she knows that you like it with sugar and milk.

“And you wanted to go back in Sydney just after giving me the brunch?”

“Brunch that you aren’t eating, by the way.”

Realizing it, Caitlin takes the bag one more time before taking out the different packages. She still looking at you discreetly, but you busy yourself by drinking your tea.

New Year 2022-2023 – The New Beginning

Caitlin proposes to you to stay at her home and not to go to your hotel, but you refused. You don’t want to bother Caitlin or her mother. That doesn’t mean you don’t see Caitlin; in fact, you see her every day for several hours.

She even invited you to come to the party her friends are making for the New Year. You accepted, after asking her several times if she’s sure that you won’t be a burden. The third time you ask, she threatened to knock you out with her vegemite pot, so you stopped.

And when you’re not with Caitlin, you work. You don’t have the possibility to see your brother who is on the other side of Australia. You almost lost consciousness when you learned that it takes 41 hours by car to get to Perth. So, you promise Jacob that you will see him before going back to England. Still with your jet.

You call Leah and your mother every day, but you are still focused on your goal to make Caitlin comes back to London with you. She seems a little down to be honest, but she seems to be better day after day. It gives you hope.

“Would you like to stay her to sleep tonight?” Caitlin asks on the 31th December while you were sitting next to her on the couch.

“Oh… I don’t know, I still have my hotel room.”

“Come on, it’s like 2 hours from here. And if you drink, I would rather that you stay here. My Mother will sleep in one of her friend’s houses anyway.”

“Yeah, ok” you mumble. “Wouldn’t let you all alone I case you’ll be scared.”

You can see Caitlin’s smile from the corner of your eyes. You hate the pleasant feeling with the fact that she seems to care about you. One thing is sure, this trip doesn’t help you about how in love you are with this girl.

You never talked so much with Caitlin before now, and you never were so close of her. Like right now, you are watching TV and Caitlin’s legs are on yours. You put your hand on the knees of the Australian like it’s nothing, mechanically drawing shapes on it. Sometimes she put her head on your shoulder, and you have to concentrate yourself to stay cool about it.

You grab something to eat before going to take a shower and prepare for the party. You know that they would have been pictures of the night so you tell Leah that Caitlin invites you to pass the night with her and her friends, you know your sister would have been worried to learn that you are alone tonight. Or sad. And you don’t want any of it.

To be honest, you haven’t taken an outfit for the party, you thought that you would be alone in your hotel room. So, you have to shop in Sydney to find the right one. You were getting ready in Jamie’s old bedroom and were looking at yourself with skepticism when Caitlin comes to knock on the door.

“Can I come in?”

“Yep” you simply answer.

She enters the room, and you want to cry. You always had something for her with her hair down and with the outfit she chooses, she’s just breathtaking.

“You look stunning” you say, without thinking about the consequences.

You are surprised to see her blush and hide your smirk by finishing to style your hair.

“Can we take a picture for my sister?” you ask to the Australian woman.

She nods and you briefly hesitate between a selfie or a mirror picture. You choose the second one, posing with a smile and the V-form with your fingers while Caitlin is sticking out her tongue.

You send the picture to Leah with Caitlin looking above your shoulder. The proximity makes your heartbeat faster, but you try to keep it cool one again.

“Are you ready to go?”

You follow Caitlin outside and in the Uber you command to go to her friend’s house. Knowing you both will be drinking, it’s safer this way. You already met some of Caitlin’s friends during your stay and they all are very friendly. But tonight, they will be more of them. The house is pretty crowded already when you arrived, and you are relieved to feel Caitlin grabs your arm.

“Stay next to me, yeah?”

You thank the World for Caitlin being a little shy at first and making her able to understand that you might not feeling ok surrounded by a lot of stranger people. You take the excuse to cross the house to slip your hand in hers. Her hand is soft and warm, and you miss the feeling when you have to let her go.

Caitlin introduces you to some of her friend’s you haven’t met for now. And if you notice the interested and non-subtle look of one of them, you act like you don’t realize it at first. But then, she starts to talk to you so much that you almost don’t have the possibility to pass time with Caitlin.

At some point, you even lose sight of her. And you don’t like the idea, what if someone get close to her? In the way you dream of it? You don’t know if you would support it to be honest, not after being so close of her.

“Come on, let’s dance!” Julia tells you, taking you away of your thoughts.

She takes you on the part of the house being dedicated for the dancefloor and you follow her without saying anything. You look around to see if you can see Caitlin, but it seems like she’s not here. You distract yourself by dancing with Julia who is a pretty good dancer to be honest.

At some point, she comes closer to you to be able to be heard through the loud music. Her hand is on your hips and her mouth right next to your ear.

“It’s a shame that you live so far away. I really would like to know you better.”

You sigh internally, wondering how someone can flirt with you with such facilities when you can’t even make a hint for Caitlin to understand how much you care for her. You don’t have time to answer anything, because there is suddenly someone taking your arm and you recognize the softness of those hand before turning around.

“Mind if I take her back?” Caitlin asks.

Julia raises both of her hand in sign of surrender with a smile. She says something like “Talk to you later” but you don’t really listen to her, your eyes being plunged in Caitlin’s one.

She looks upset, but her voice is calm when she speaks to you.

“I’m going outside. Would you come with me?”

“Sure” you smile softly.

She hadn’t let go of your arm, but you pass your other around it to be sure not being separated from her during your journey to the door. You feel pathetic but you’ll do anything to be able to be close from her. Everyone seems to be here by now and the house is very crowded. With the music, the laughs, and the discussions, going outside is finally a good idea.

There is no one in the garden and the fresh air makes you shiver. But you prefer to be concentrated on Caitlin who has a wrinkle between her eyebrows from frowning. She sits on a low wall, and you follow her to stand next to her, looking at the moon to forget how much you want to touch her.

“Are you ok?” you ask after several minutes of silence.

“I am” she only answer, looking at the horizon.

It seems to you that she is not, but you don’t say anything else. You thought that she asked you to come with her to talk or something, but it seems like you were wrong. Caitlin doesn’t stay silence for long though, turning suddenly in your direction.

“No, in fact I’m not.”

“What’s up?”

“I’m trying to figure out things, and I can’t. And I really need to do it now because otherwise I think I’m really going to become crazy.”

She seems angry and desperate at the same time. She’s talking with her arms, a thing that she usually doesn’t. Hopping to help her to relax a little, you come near her, putting your hand on her knee.

“You can tell me everything, you know that right?”

She sighs, passing a hand on her face. You have the feeling to understand what she think, and that it’s the fact that she doesn’t know where to begin.

“I just… You came here from your appointment but you brought me food just because I mentioned the day before.”

“Yes” you confirm quietly.

It’s maybe better for you not to precise that you went to your appointment because you came here. This feels maybe a little creepy.

“And you told me that you start writing me and talking to me more because you heard by Leah that I was struggling after my breakup with Lia.”

“Yes” you say again.

“Why did we stop talking by the way? It looks like suddenly we grow apart?”

You shrug only, not knowing what to answer to her. You obviously take care not to cross her eyes when you answer.

“Why did you come back anyway? After my breakup?”

“Because I care for you” you answer, looking at her carefully.

“I think I need to know how much you care about me” she says slowly, and you are happy to be in the dark because your cheeks are bright red. “Please, Y/N. Because sometimes I feel like you like me as a friend and sometimes, I feel like there is more than that. But when I tell myself that, you kind of back off and everything is strange and blur again. Just like tonight, I thought that we would pass the night together, but you kept dancing with Julia and I understand because she’s fun and beautiful. But I hated to see you with her, and everything is… blur. And I really need to understand.”

It's your turn to stay silence, because where the hell could you start. You are not closed to answer to her questions, but you are scared because what you have seems so fragile to you.

“Are you interested in me more than a friend?” she finally asks.

Well, maybe you should have talk before because this question is very difficult to answer. Not because you don’t know the answer but because it can change anything. You swallow your saliva with difficulty before answering. You can’t lie to her.

“Yes. I am.” you mumble.

You hear Caitlin taking a big breath before expiring and you just can’t look at her. You hear the people inside getting excited and you wonder if it’s because it will soon be midnight.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Caitlin asks quietly.

“Because I care about you! At first you were in a relationship, and you seemed so happy in it and why in the world would I be between someone and their happiness? Then you broke up with Lia and you seemed so sad and so lost, and I didn’t want to take advantage of you in any way.”

You were talking fast, and loud, the feelings of all of it taking over the rest. You were struggling too, so much, but it was easier anyway to keep all of those feelings inside.

“And now? Why didn’t you say anything?”

You sigh and shrug. You just admitted that you were basically in love with her since day one, what can be worse than that anyway?

“Because I prefer to have you in my life as a friend than to take the risk to lose you.”

There is a moment of silence and just before Caitlin start to talk again, you hear the other people starting to count the seconds before midnight and the New Year.

“You are an idiot.”

10… 9… 8…

You hear Caitlin talk and even if the words could have been harsh, you have the feeling that she is smiling. You just have to look at her to see that she actually is, not her big toothy smile, but the small one. Her smirk.

“What?” you ask.

“You’re an idiot, Y/N Williamson.”

7…6…5…

Caitlin jumps from the small wall she was sitting on to come closer to you. You are frozen, you just watch her move to be right in front of you. You can smell her perfume, see how much her eyes are blue. She looks at your eyes too, before that her eyes drop on your lips.

4…3…2…

She cups your jaw with her hand, so tenderly that you just want to melt only with that gesture. Your heart almost went out of your body when you realize that she’s leaning to you, still letting you the possibility to back off if you want to.

You don’t want to.

1…0

Just when your lips met, the firework of the city irrupts in the sky, being a pretty good metaphor of what you’re feeling inside right at this moment. You are finally kissing the girl you are in love with and she’s kissing you back. She even put her hand in your back to press you against her while her other hand left your jaw to be on your neck.

When the air became an issue, you press your forehead against hers, without being able to suppress the big smile on your face. When you open your eyes, you see that she’s looking at you, offering a shy smile.

“Do you want to go home? To talk about all of this?”

“Talking?” you smile softly.

“Well, maybe kissing too, a little bit.”

16 August 2023 – The World Cup

You shouldn’t feel that way. It’s the semi-finale of the Women World Cup in Australia and your national team, England just won it place for the finale against Spain. You distractedly prevent your sister from jumping from excitement, so as not to make her knee injury worse. You would probably have been happier about the results if Leah were on the pitch, to be honest.

You are looking at your girlfriend’s silhouette, sitting on the floor. You can’t express how much you would like to go on the pitch and hug her tightly. You know how much this game meant for Caitlin and the rest of her team. Seeing her away from you from only several meters when you weren’t able to see her from almost two months is hard too.

You chose to hide your relationship with Caitlin to anyone around you, except Caitlin’s mother who definitively can read way to easily into people. So, you weren’t able to explain to your sister why you felt so moody those past days, the distance between you and Caitlin being hard to deal with. You can’t explain how much you missed her. Even if you call each other every day, it wasn’t the same.

You were busy helping Leah with her injury though, taking her to every single of her appointment, letting Lia Wälti doing it when you weren’t able to. Since Caitlin left, you went to live to Leah’s. And when your big sister told you that she was coming to Australia to the match, you came too. You even were able to see your brother this time.

After the game, Leah took you to the locker room to meet her teammates and you hug the ones playing to Arsenal. And Alessia Russo, who is coming for the new season too. You were talking to Mary Earps when you feel your phone buzz in your pocket. Excusing yourself, you get out the locker room to answer when you see Caitlin’s ID on the screen.

“Hello?”

“Hi. Are you still in the stadium?”

“Yes. Where are you?”

“I just went back to my hotel room. Everyone is so sad, I can’t look at them right now.”

You pout, hearing that said sadness in Caitlin’s voice too. You can easily imagine her on her bed, still her Matilda’s jogging.

“I’m so sorry Babe” you whisper in your phone, looking around you to be sure that no one is around. “You played great and I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks” she mumbles before adding “I miss you.”

“I miss you too, so so much. When are you going back to London?”

“Two days after the game against Sweden. They still want to make a celebration about all of it in Sydney. Are you still staying to watch the finale?”

“Yes, Leah got us tickets. I’m going back the day after though; would you like to go back with me instead?”

She hums only and you’re not sure that she really understands what you ask her. You are not angry or hurt anyway, you know that she has to deal with the lost and the sadness of it. You just want to make her feel better.

One hour later, you were waiting for her to answer to you in front of her door. You managed to sneak inside the hotel and left Leah with Keira and Georgia. You are not sure that she realized you were missing, so happy to be able to pass time with some of her closest friends.

You knock again when you realized that no one is answering, not too hard. You don’t want to attract anybody’s attention. You were tense, scared to be seen by someone. Thanks God, Caitlin finally opens her door and looks at you like she’s seeing a ghost.

“Are you alone?” you whisper.

“Yes, but…”

Just like her mother would say, no but. You entered the room and immediately pass your arms around her neck to kiss her. Caitlin needs several seconds to realize what is happening before kissing you back.

“What are you doing here?” she asks gently when you release each other.

“I missed you. And you are sad and being just dozens of meters away from you without being able to talk to you killed me.”

Caitlin smile sadly, taking your hand to make you sit on her bed. Unlike you were thinking, she changed her clothes and is wearing a short with a hoodie. It feels very soft when you take her against you to hug her. You close your eyes, letting yourself invade by her sent.

“I was looking at you every time I was able to. You are hot in a jersey, but yellow would have suits you better than white.”

She pulls gently on the white t-shirt you’re wearing, a number eight with Williamson on the back, of course. You smile softly, kissing her temple. She snuggles closer to you, passing on of her leg on your own.

“Have you eaten something?” you ask.

“Nah. I’m not really hungry for now.”

“What about a bath?”

“I already took a shower.”

“Ok, I’m asking the question again. What about a bath with me?” you ask after a sigh.

You feel her smirk against you, and she sit on the bed to be able to look at you.

“You mean I’ll have the possibility to get you away from this horrible jersey and having you naked against me by the same move? I’ll be crazy to say no.”

You roll your eyes and throw a cushion at her before getting up from the bed. You then go to the bathroom to start running the water, waiting patiently to find the right temperature. You check your phone just to be sure that Leah isn’t looking for you when the tube is getting filled, and then you go back to Caitlin in the room.

“It’s ready when you are Babe.”

You give her both hands to help her to get up from the bed, which she doesn’t hesitate to take. But, as she gets up from the bed, she’s not following you to the bathroom like you thought she would. She passes her arms around your shoulder, holding you tight against her.

Understanding what she needs, you hold her back, even firmer against you. You are higher from several centimeters from her, not so much though. But you like the way she can easily hide her face in your neck without taking strange position. You rock her softly, kissing her cheeks and her hair several times, only to release her when she’s ready.

“Thanks for coming here for me” she whispers against your skin.

“Every time” you smile sincerely, looking tenderly at her.

She smiles back and cup your chin with her hand, before following you to the bathroom this time. You try to make her go alone in the tub; you really just want her to relax. But you finish with her in it, massaging slowly her back.

You know her team has special masseurs and that they are definitively way more skillful that you are. But seeing how your girlfriend has her eyes closed and let you do whatever you want, it must not be unpleasant. Except that the moan and whispers she’s making are making you think about something else, and please everyone forgive you, but you don’t had sex for two months and your girlfriend is naked in front of you.

“Why d’you stop?” Caitlin mumble with a pout.

You are glad that she’s sitting in front of you and that she can’t see your face, because you are bright red once again. You don’t want to take advantage of her, she’s upset and tired. You kiss her shoulder though, getting her hair out of the way. You love her with her hair down. Have you already mentioned it?

“Isn’t it time for great footballer to go to bed?”

She groans and turn around to face you. You are trying hard to just look at her face and not being distracted by everything else. But then she sits on your lap, and you have to get out of the water right now.

“Why are you so tense?” she frowns. “You may be the one needing a massage.”

You laugh softly and decide to be honest with her since not talking about your feelings made you lost time before. And you are a very bad liar. You bite your bottom lip before answering.

“I haven’t seen you in like two whole months, which mean that I haven’t touch you from two months, Caitlin. And you are naked on me and I’m really trying to be a good and caring girlfriend without sinful ideas because I know how much disappointed you are, but you make it very hard. Plus, the water is getting cold.”

The realization appears on her face, before being erased by mischievous smile.

“We still can put hot water in it.”

In the end, you add hot water on the tub several times. When you emerge from the bath, you are as tired as Caitlin, and she doesn’t need many pleas to make you stay with her. You were planning to go back to your hotel room that night to be honest. But you don’t. You answer to Leah who wrote you to tell you that she’s sleeping with the team and asked you if you want to go with her before going under the cover next to your Aussie’s girlfriend.

You lie face to face with her and smile when she starts to stroke your face.

“You are so beautiful.”

You roll your eyes and smile.

“You need to sleep Foord; you are starting to get delirious.”

She frowns and hit your forehead before leaning to kiss you. You smile against her lips and when she turns around to let you cuddle her from behind, you don’t need more than several seconds to fall asleep.

Hours later, you are waking up of your peaceful sleep by a deep voice with an Australian accent.

“Caitlin Foord what the hell?!”

Caitlin jumps next to you and you groan, hiding under the cover. Before you understand what is really happening, your girlfriend took Mackenzie Arnold by the arm to take her with her in the bathroom.

“Why the hell is there Leah Williamson half naked in your bed?” Mackenzie whisper-shout from the bathroom.

You roll your eyes, rolling on your back to grab your phone. It’s more than 9 in the morning, you really should have put an alarm on your phone. Thanks god, there isn’t message from Leah for now.

“It’s not Leah” you hear Caitlin answer.

“I have bloody eyes you know?”

Now that you realize what is happening, your heart is pounding. Mackenzie isn’t a close friend of Leah, but you know that her girlfriend is a good friend of Alessia who is a good friend to Leah. And you. But more to Leah. And you obviously can’t let anyone near Leah know about your relationship.

“It’s not Leah! … It’s her sister.”

There is a moment of silence and then

“You are in so much trouble. Leah is going to kill you.”

“I know! That’s why you have to shut your mouth Macca, even with Kristy.”

Mackenzie snorts and even you can’t see it, you easily can imagine Caitlin’s imploring look. There is a sigh, and you sit on the bed.

“Alright, I’m not saying anything. But you really should have chosen someone else to get over the lost.”

“It’s not just… We are together, actually. Like in couple.”

“Oooh that’s why you are always glued to your phone?”

“It’s not really the time to talk about that right now” Caitlin points.

She’s right, but you can’t help but smile at this. You are happy to have a good abonnement though, otherwise you will probably be poor because of your phone’s bill. There is some more noise, and the door handle goes down before the gesture suddenly stops.

“Not a word to Alanna too, please.”

“Promise.”

After that they are both out of the bathroom and you smile awkwardly to Mackenzie before she waves at you and get out of the room.

“I’m so sorry.”

Caitlin looks so tense that you almost feel sorry for her, but you are really stressed too. You shouldn’t have stayed the night here. Sighing, you get up from the bed to look for your clothes.

“It’s not your fault.”

Caitlin hums and while you are getting ready, a question pops suddenly in your head. You look up at your girlfriend who is sitting on the windowsill, looking outward. She’s still in her pj’s with her bed hair.

“Cait?” you call her softly.

She just turns her head in your direction. To distract yourself a little bit, you braid your hair while asking the question bothering you.

“I shouldn’t be concerned about Mackenzie coming in your room at random hours of the day or night, right?”

Her face goes soft, and she breaks the few meters between you to stop right in front of you.

“You don’t have anything to be worried about” she answers, slipping a rebellious lock of hair behind your ear. “No one is in my mind apart from you. Plus Macca has her own girlfriend.”

“Ok.” you smile before hugging her.

You stay in her arms longer than usual. Saying her goodbye is hard even if you know you will see her again in several days now.

April 2024 – The Fight

It was several months after the World Cup that Caitlin mentions for the first time to talk to Leah about your relationship. You were still hiding at that time, just like you are still doing now. You refuse to do it, saying that it was too early and explaining to her again why you can’t do that for now.

She understood your place but then she talked about it again in January, when you had to wait for several days to have a date to celebrate your first anniversary. The date being the First of January, you were obviously passing the day with Leah and your family. You gave her the same answer, it’s too soon and you don’t want to fight with your sister when she’s about to come back on the pitches from her injury.

But now, Caitlin is talking about it again and you can feel how much she’s frustrated about it. You try to make everything to distract her from that idea. You took her on trip just the two of you, using once again your jet to gain time. You are sleeping at her house every time you can. In reality you would love to be open about your relationship, in front of your friends and family at least. But you can’t take the risk to lose or disappoint your sister.

“It’s been a year and three months, Y/N.” Caitlin is saying, frowning like never before. “Leah is back on the pitch; we won the finale against Chelsea and your last deal went well and there is nothing holding us now. Well, except you.”

You sigh, pitching the base of your nose. You don’t want to fight with her. It happens almost never to be fair, only when you are talking about this.

“I can’t do it now, Babe. I just… I don’t know how Leah would react and I can’t take any risks.”

“You can’t or you won’t?”

“I can’t, Caitlin.”

She snorts and cross her arms on her chest. She’s hurt, you can see it. You try to take a step to touch her, but she backs up from two steps where you took one. Your arm falls stupidly against your hip.

“Come on, you can’t ask me to choose between you and my sister. I told you since the beginning why we can’t talk about it to people.”

“Why are we even together then?” she asks coldly.

The question hurts but you decided to ignore the feeling to stay honest to your girlfriend and make her understand your statement.

“Well I don’t know, because I love you?” you answer, raising an eyebrow.

“I don’t feel like it’s really the case right now.”

“Don’t say that” you frown too. “You know that I love you.”

But Caitlin is shaking her head and starts collecting her things around your living room. She’s shaking and you try once again to make her stop. Your arguments have never been deeper.

“Baby, please…” you start but she cuts you.

“No. I can’t do that anymore. I can’t stay with you if that means we’ll never evolve in any way. I just can’t.”

You feel numb when you look at her putting her shoes and taking her vest. You follow her like a lost puppy in the entrance, trying once again to grab her arm. You are successful this time and she stops her movements.

“Where are you going?”

“Home. Let go of me now, please.”

You just obey, slowly releasing her arm. There is a lump in your throat when you talk again.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

Your voice is hardly even a whisper, but Caitlin doesn’t miss it. Her blue eyes cross yours when she looks up over her shoulder.

“Talk to you soon.”

And then, she’s gone. You try to call her of course, texted her too, but she never answered. It’s with puffy red eyes and tears on her face that Leah finds you under your covers in your bed several hours later. She got scared when she doesn’t receive any answer to her text and just come to your home.

She hugs you at first, helping you to calm down to be able to talk and explain what is happening. You hesitated at first, before telling her everything. Well, almost everything because you never mentioned Caitlin’s name or the fact that she knows Leah.

“Tell me her name and I will go on her to make you cry like this.”

Your big sister managed to take you out from your bed to go to the living room and made you drink water and eat something. There are still tears running on your face from time to time, but Leah takes the time to wipe them gently each time.

“She just broke up with me. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Leah makes a grimace before taking you back against her for a new hug.

“If she can’t wait for you, it means that she didn’t deserve you, Love.”

“Can we stop talking about her? Please.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

Leah puts the TV on, starting a random show and you try to concentrate on it. You can’t really, but you are still so thankful for your sister. The way she listened to you talking, holding you while you cry like a crazy woman without pushing you to know anything else makes you think that maybe she wouldn’t have scream if you talked to your love for Caitlin. But it’s too late anyway. Caitlin doesn’t want you anymore.

********

Two days after, on Saturday, Leah took you to the game. She almost hasn’t left your side, only to go to training. You are still working though, losing yourself in work. Like you always did before Catilin.

“What’s happening to your sister?” Lia asks Leah during the training.

Your sister turns in your direction, watching you several seconds before sighing. She’s aware that Caitlin isn’t far away from them, but she doesn’t know where your problem comes from, so she answers anyway. Caitlin is supposed to be your friend after all.

“She’s navigating through her first breakup” Leah answers, still looking at you.

Your mother is sitting next to you, she has her hand on your shoulder. Leah explained to your parents what was happening to you and of course your mother is looking for you like you are dying. You are looking at the pitch, but Leah can tell that you aren’t really looking. Unless you’ve discovered in yourself a passion for corner posts.

“Oh? I didn’t know she had someone.”

“Me neither” your sister sighs. “She’s like this since Wednesday but she doesn’t want to tell me who she is.”

Next to your sister, Caitlin gulps nervously when she crosses Steph’s gaze. Caitlin is a mess since Wednesday too. She took the decision to leave, but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy for her. She almost called you a thousand times. She missed you and wasn’t able to hide her sadness with the people who know her the best. Steph Catley is one of them.

“What?” Caitlin snaps at her teammate.

“Nothing” Steph answers, still looking at her suspiciously.

Caitlin went back to the bench nervously to grab something to drink, looking discreetly in your direction. Now your mother is talking to you, and you are looking at her, but Caitlin knows you very well and realizes how destroyed you look. Of course, it made her sadder than ever, but she still has her point. She wants to move in with you, be able to talk about her girlfriend to everyone one, she wants to take you on date in London and not only seeing you in one of your apartments. She wants to be able to walk holding your hand where you both live, not in the other side of the world. She wants to be able to take a plane without needing to hide in the airport.

You were hopping that Caitlin will be benched today, but she’s starting just like Leah. Which means that you will have to look at her for 90 minutes, knowing that you lost her.

It’s a great game to be honest, and while your mother feed you with fries and chicken nuggets (it’s a family thing) you are able to distract yourself enough not to cry while watching your ex-girlfriend.

Leah is sub at the 78th minute and Caitlin is still playing. You would have preferred for her to go on the bench too, particularly when she got hurt five minutes after that. The tackle wasn’t clean at all and you know right away that Caitlin is hurt. Like really hurt. You don’t need to see the stretchers coming for her, you don’t need the concerned looks of her teammate or Katie shouting at the girl taking Caitlin down.

You are up of your seat instantly, trying to have a better look of what is happening. They take longs agonizing minutes to get Caitlin out of the pitch and you run in the locker room in hope to be able to see her. But you just run into Leah.

“I’m going to the hospital to be with her” your sister explains to you. “I’m not allowed to go with her to the ambulance so I’ll take my car.”

“Can I come with you?”

“Sure.”

You are relieved that she doesn’t question you, but once again Caitlin and you are supposed to be friends. Even close friends. You follow Leah to the parking, and she’s ignoring the fan calling her name for the first time. You are so nervous that you want to throw up and you are glad that your sister isn’t talking, otherwise you are not sure that you will be able to contain yourself.

One of the Arsenal’s medics is waiting for you when you arrive, and he takes you into a private waiting room. From now, you just have to wait. Sitting next to Leah, you put your head on her shoulder and are glad that her cuddle instinct is so high when she passes her arm around your waist to hug you. You really don’t deserve her love; you were lying to her from months now.

Leah was scrolling on her phone for what feels like hours when someone comes in the waiting room.

“Are you here for miss Foord?” the medic asks.

“We are” Leah answers while getting up. “How is she?”

“Right. So, her leg has a doble fracture, but those are sharps break so she normally doesn’t need any surgery. She’s in a lot of pain though, so we give her something to help her. She also has a big bruise on the knee, but it will resolve itself. Would you like to see her?”

“If it’s possible, yes” Leah nods.

“Only one person for now.”

Your sister turns to you and you shrug, trying your best to smile at her. You would kill to be able to see Caitlin right now, but she doesn’t know that you are here. And you’re not sure that she wants to see you. Probably not.

“Go. I’ll text or ring her mother.”

Leah nods once again and follow the male nurse to Caitlin’s room. There are strange machines in the room, but Caitlin is up.

“She’s under drugs. She might be a little out of it” the medic whispers to Leah before leaving the room.

The noise of the door makes Caitlin turns her head in Leah’s direction. The blonde gives her a smile and take a chair to sit next to her.

“Oh. Wrong Williamson.”

“What?” Leah laughs softly while sitting up.

Caitlin is speaking like she’s half-asleep but when she looks at Leah, your sister feels like she knows very well what she’s saying. At least that the words are real.

“I would rather see your sister.”

She shrugs and wince, the drugs making her head feels fuzzy.

“Well she’s here, I still can ask her to come if you want” Leah proposes kindly.

“She’s here?”

The surprise on Caitlin’s tone is astonishing to Leah, who frowns a little while looking at her friend. She knows how much time you pass together, well for the brunch or this kind of things. Not really that you passed almost every night together when you are in London. Unless it’s a Monday and you are at Leah’s.

“Yeah?”

Caitlin stays quiet for several seconds, before sighing and looking at the window. The view isn’t amazing to be honest, just the parking lot of the hospital.

“She wouldn’t want to see me anyway. I fucking broke her heart.”

“What are you talking about?” Leah frowns deepens.

She doesn’t mean to take advantage of Caitlin under drugs, but it’s about you and you are the person who is the most important in her life. It’s not a one-side thing, you are Leah’s person as much as she’s yours.

“We had a fight Wednesday because I wanted to tell you about our relationship or at least that she really thinks about telling you. But like usual she had excuses, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I love her so much it’s hurt. I just want to be able to hold my girl in public and tell the world how wonderful she is. Who travel the world to bring someone fucking pancake? We were amazing and now we are nothing and a fucking prick just broke my fucking leg and I just want to her to hug me. But she can’t because I fucking wasn’t patient enough with her.“

Leah is stunned. And not only because of Caitlin’s unusual use of swear words. She never though a single second that Caitlin and you were more than just friends. Or that the Australian was the reason of your tears for the last days.

“I know that she loved me, but she loves you even more Leah. She was so scared to lose you. But now I lost her. And I’m really tired.”

“You should sleep a little maybe” Leah mumbles.

Caitlin sighs and close her eyes.

“I’m going to see my sister, will you be ok alone a little bit?”

“Yeah” Caitlin breath before opening her eyes. “Will you tell her? That I love her?”

Leah hesitates some seconds before nodding and smiling softly.

“Yeah. I will.”

She watches the Australian woman closes her eyes and falling asleep as soon as her eyes are closed. Her mind is running, trying to understand what she just learned. She feels like she isn’t really here when she finds you still sitting on the waiting room. You immediately spot her concern look and get up from your chair.

“Is everything ok? I just wrote to Caitlin’s mother that she will be fine?”

“Yeah, she just fell asleep.”

You let a shaky breath pass your lips, really relieved. Your sister still looks pale, but maybe it’s because of those white walls?

“She has a message for you though, that she asked me to tell you.”

“What is it?”

You are curious to know and look at your sister who cross her arms on her chest while looking at you.

“She asks me to tell you that she loves you.”

Well now you might be whiter than Leah. Your big sister watches you become paler than ever, she watches your eyes widen too and how you open your mouth several times to talk without anything coming out.

“What were you thinking Y/N, really?”

You could cry right now. You passed months perfectly hiding your relationship to Leah, giving you probably the onset of an ulcer due to anxiety, and some drugs from a public hospital is going to break all the efforts you made?

“Leah, I’m so sorry” you began, begging while looking at her. “Please, I never wanted to hide something to you, I swear.”

You were panicking. You just lost your girlfriend and now you are about to lose your sister too. The two most important people in your world, sorry to your mom.

“I just don’t understand” Leah says, shaking her head.

You probably are going to have a panic attack.

“I…”

“I don’t understand” Leah cuts you “How you might have thought that I will be mad at you for being with someone who made you happy?”

You don’t understand and you probably don’t look very intelligent with the way you are looking at Leah. She’s still frowning, but you realize that she isn’t mad at you, she just seems lost.

“You said several times that I wasn’t allowed to flirt with one of your teammates, Le” you point, whispering.

“I said flirt because I didn’t want some of hormonal footballer taking advantage of you! Being in love is something else.”

“You are not mad at me?” you ask shyly.

“Of course not, you idiot. I love you more than anything, your happiness is what comes first.”

Leah rolls her eyes and reach out to you. You don’t hesitate to go in her arms, relieved by the unexpected turn of events. The nose in her hair, you whisper :

“I’m sorry for keeping things away from you.”

“It’s ok” Leah says softly, squeezing you a little harder. “I’m sorry you were in so much pain.”

She kisses your cheek and let you go, not without taking you by the shoulders to have a better look at you.

“We are going to make things better between you and Caitlin now, if it’s really what you want. Ok?”

“I’m not sure she’s still interested. She really is mad at me.” you shrug.

“Please. She told me I’m the wrong Williamson, if she doesn’t take you back, I’ll send her back to Sydney.”

********

When Caitlin wakes up almost three hours later, the sun was gone and the room is almost in the dark. There is a small light on the nightstand, and she needs some seconds to remember where she is and why her leg is hurting like hell. She groans and try to roll on her side, her back sore to have been in the same position for hours now. But her leg hurts more, and she opens her eyes, grimacing slightly.

Then she sees you and froze several seconds.

You were already looking at her, like you were doing since you entered the room. She doesn’t seem really peaceful while sleeping and your heart hurt to see her in pain.

“Hi” you whisper, in case her head is hurtful.

“Did I really told your sister than I’m in love with you or was I dreaming?”

You look at her several seconds, trying to see in her eyes if she’s stressed or anxious before answering.

“You ask her to tell me that you love me, but I guess it’s the same thing.”

“Shit. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok” you say, coming closer to the bed. “It’s not what bother me now. How are you feeling?”

“Ok, I guess. Thanks god we are at the end of the season. The doctor said I will be ok to play for the Olympics.”

“That’s a good new”

Caitlin hums and you look at your hands, lost in your thoughts. It’s maybe a good think that she hasn’t ask you for now to get out of her room, but you chose not to push your luck too much.

“I uh, I’ll let you in peace now. I wrote to your mother and your sister to reassure them, but Beth came with your phone and other stuff like one hour ago” you explain while getting up. “You can write to them if you want to.”

“Oh… No wait, please. Can you stay? Just a little bit?”

You hesitate for several seconds, looking at Caitlin before answering anything. You want to stay, of course. You finally slowly sit down again on the chair.

“Thanks” she mumbles. “Look, about what I said to Leah…”

“It’s ok” you say again, shrugging. “She isn’t mad.”

“No?”

You shake your head, playing with your nails and fingers without looking at her. Caitlin knows how much Leah means for you so you’re pretty sure that she would have feel guilty if Leah was mad at you.

“Is she not mad because she knows that we are no longer together, or would she have been even if we were still together?”

“I think she would have been ok. If that was the case.”

You hear Caitlin takes a deep and big breath, making you look at her. You can’t read the feeling on her face, so you are happy to see her talking again. You don’t know what behavior you can have with her now, are you still able to ask her all the questions you want?

“I don’t know how to say that” Caitlin sighs. “But is there a chance that we maybe try to make things better between us?”

“Better like in being friends again?”

You see Caitlin rolling her eyes and you understand quickly that you haven’t guess right. You are surprised to see a small smile on her face despite the situation you are in.

“How can you be so clever when it’s about your company and so obvious when it concerns relationships?”

You roll your eyes too, used to being criticized about your lack of ease in human relations when they do not concern your job.

“Yes, because you are the most sociable and none-shy person in the world yourself.”

“Touché.”

There is a silence, during which you are looking at each other.

“Can you forgive me for running away the other day?” Caitlin asks softly.

“Only if you forgive me for believing during all this time that my sister wouldn’t accept our relationship and how I was wrong.”

She smiles again and you smile back at her. You get up when she asks you to sit next to her by patting the bed next to her. That place being the other side of her injured leg, you oblige.

“I don’t know how explain how sorry I am. I shouldn’t have left like this.”

“I get it. It wasn’t a pleasant situation. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you or anything.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“I am too” you whisper.

After one second of hesitation, you put your head on her shoulder, and you close your eyes when she put her chin on your head.

“So, what now that Leah knows?” Caitlin asks.

To be honest, you don’t really know. Today was a lot of feelings to deal with and you don’t even know where to start. Your girlfriend (?) seems to understand what is happening in your head, because she kisses tenderly your temple before talking.

“What about I get out from here first?”

“That sounds good” you smile softly. “And from here, you come right to mine so I can take care of you.”

“Perfect.”

You watch the Aussie laying down on the bed and you turn on your side to be able to look at her better. With your finger, you are tracing random patterns on her arm. You know that she’s falling asleep but you need to ask the question.

“Cait?”

“Mh?” she answers, without opening her eyes.

“Are we back together? Like, are you my girlfriend again?”

She snorts and snuggle closer from you, already half-asleep.

“Yes we are. Weirdo.”

[fluentmoviequoter]

Defend Myself - Part II

Part 2 of Defend Myself

Summary: You agree to teach a self-defence class at the police station. There, you meet Tim Bradford again, as well as some unexpected guests.

Warnings: Tim gets nervous and awkward, fluff!! lots of mentions of winning fights

Word Count: 1.9k+ words

A/N: Not proofread yet! I have to go to work so I'll do it tonight. :)

Masterlist | Tim Bradford Masterlist | Request Info/Fandom List

Alone in your studio classroom, you tap your toes against the floor as hold music plays from your phone. It’s been two days since you met Tim Bradford and learned about the opportunity to teach a free self-defence class at the station. As you wait to talk to the community liaison, you can’t help but think about Officer Bradford again.

“Hello,” someone greets. “Sorry about that wait.”

“No problem,” you reply. “I was calling to find out about teaching a self-defence class for the public. The officer I just spoke to told me you were the person to ask.”

“Of course. I can definitely help you with that. We’ve got several openings for community courses in the coming weeks. Are you a certified group instructor?”

“I am.”

“Perfect. That will help you get in here faster. This means your next step is just to choose a date and time and complete some paperwork. After that, we’ll spread the word in the community, find volunteers to assist you, and get everything in order before the course itself takes place.”

“Great, thank you so much. Is there any chance I could get started on the next step today?”

“Yes, we can do that. Most instructors come into the station to view the community area and complete the necessary forms, but we can send those papers over electronically as well.”

“I’d be happy to come by the station.”

“Excellent. I’m available all day today and tomorrow afternoon if you’d like?”

“Today works.”

You decide on a time with him before you end the call. After your last class of the day, you lock up and head for the Mid-Wilshire police station. Though Officer Bradford said he’d be willing to volunteer for your class, you doubt you’ll ever see him again. LA is a relatively big place, and the chances of seeing the same cop more than once can’t be very high.

 At the front desk, you provide your name and the details of your appointment. You’re quickly led through a door and into a large room where police officers are milling about.

“Nice to meet you,” the community liaison greets you as he welcomes you into his office. “I’ve got your paperwork here. Just a few simple liability forms and a background check.”

“Thank you for meeting with me so quickly,” you say as you take a seat.

You begin filling out the forms as you tell him what you plan to teach. He seems impressed by your willingness to host a free session and explains that fewer and fewer people are reaching out to him, despite the compensation they offer.

“That’s the last of them,” he tells you as he accepts your final paper. “I want to get started on these right away, so I’m going to pass you off to another officer to give you the tour.”

“I appreciate that.”

You follow him to the door and see several officers talking near a glass wall.

“You mentioned Officer Bradford in your call, didn’t you?” the liaison asks.

“I did.”

“Great.”

He waves someone over, and you smile when you see Officer Bradford again. He’s not alone, but he smiles at you before he begins introductions.

“This is my watch commander, Sergeant Grey,” he tells you. “Grey, this is the woman who did my job for me at the hockey game earlier this week.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Sergeant Grey says as he shakes your hand.

“Good things I hope,” you reply.

“Of course,” Tim interjects quickly.

He seems nervous, but you brush it off as him trying to do his job and carry a conversation. In reality, Tim Bradford is awestruck by you, your abilities, and how kind and compassionate you are despite how easily you could win a fight against anyone in this station.

“Any chance you’d still be willing to help me with the class?” you ask Tim. “I’d hate to mess up and never be invited back.”

“You’d have to fire your service weapon in the station for us to not invite you back,” Wade says. “Which has happened, but we’re desperate.”

“Then I’m glad I can help. And the more people who can defend themselves, the better.”

“Right,” Tim agrees. “And, yeah, I’d be happy too. I can show you where you’ll be teaching.”

“Great!”

There’s a commotion near the door, and Tim and Sergeant Grey stand straighter as they watch. A security guard steps in with an officer, and then two cops follow on either side. Tim has positioned himself directly beside you, whether to keep you back from whatever is happening or just to get a better view you aren’t sure. When another man walks in, flanked by more security guards, you gasp and hit Tim’s arm with the back of your hand.

“Ow,” he mumbles quietly as he jerks back slightly.

“Sorry,” you whisper. “Do you know who that is?!”

“I take it you do.”

“Sergeant Grey,” an officer calls. “We’re early, I’m sorry about that.”

“No problem. We can meet in the roll call room,” Sergeant Grey replies.

Three large men stand feet away from you, and you link your fingers together as you try to hold your excitement inside. You smile at the man nearest you before you turn back to Tim.

“Bradford, can you sit in?” Grey asks. “Or do you need to finish here first?”

“Oh, please go, I can wait,” you answer for him. “They’re way more important than me.”

“I don’t know about that,” someone says beside you.

You turn to see which man spoke and laugh before you argue, “You have a game to win, Mr. Konecny, you get priority here.”

“Are you a fan?” Travis Konecny asks.

“Yes!” you answer loudly. “Sorry, I’m excited. Yes, I’m a huge Flyers fan.”

“Do you have tickets?” Sam Ersson asks from beside him.

“I do. Nosebleeds, but tickets are tickets.”

Travis clicks his tongue and looks to one of the security guards to say, “Get her a seat on the ice. And anyone else in here who wants one. Their job is much more important than ours.”

You thank him and shake his hand before he passes. As Tim leads Travis Konecny, Sam Ersson, and Jamie Drysdale into the roll call room, you wait nearby. You just met the Philadelphia Flyers! As if seeing Tim again wasn’t exciting enough, you just had a once-in-a-lifetime encounter with some of the best hockey players in the country. Maybe the day can’t get any better.

“Hey,” Tim calls as he returns. “Are you ready?”

“Sure. Thank you again, for everything,” you reply.

He nods as you stand, and then leads you through the station.

“I…” Tim begins.

“Yeah?” you encourage.

“Would you maybe want to go to the game together? They gave me a ticket too.”

“I’d love to! Are they nice? Wait, don’t tell me if they’re not.”

“They’re very nice, and they seemed very happy about meeting a fan.”

“Sorry again for hitting you.”

“It’s fine,” Tim assures with a smile. “It hurt, but that just makes me even more impressed by you.”

“Impressed?”

Tim opens a door for you and shakes his head when your eyes meet his. “Like you can’t tell.”

On the day of your self-defence class at the police station, you wake up early to prepare everything. Most of your equipment is already packed, but you want everything to go well. Once you finish this, you’ll be even closer to your date with Tim. Self-defence, an attractive man, and hockey all in one week is like a romcom made just for you.

Tim is waiting outside the door when you arrive to set up. He smiles and opens the door before he takes a bag from you. As he helps you arrange your minimal gear and go through your sets and cues in a practice run, he makes easy conversation with you. Getting to know each other seems easy, even if this is only small talk and surface questions. He’s someone worth the time and effort of learning.

When the last person leaves your class (after telling you several times about how much she enjoyed it and would like to come to another one), you sigh and shake your arms out. You had been nervous that no one would show up or that they wouldn’t like it, but you were wrong. The room was full, and everyone participated and seemed to enjoy themselves.

“That was fun,” you tell Tim. “I want to do it again.”

“Don’t say that too loud, Grey will try to make you a permanent fixture,” Tim teases.

“I might like that. Although, I’m more excited for our date.”

“Date?” Tim asks, standing up quickly. “I mean, I wanted it to be a date, but didn’t know if you were-“

You smile as you interrupt him to say, “Yeah, it’s a date, Tim.”

“Good,” Tim says softly. His smile grows as he repeats, “Good.”

The night of the Flyers game, Tim picks you up at your studio. He’s the first gentleman you’ve been on a date with in a while. Each moment with him increases your excitement for a hockey game date.

“Wait,” you tell him when he reaches for his door handle. “You’re cheering for the Flyers, right?”

“Yeah,” Tim answers slowly. “Why?”

“Because I was going to sit with someone else if you said no. Please continue.”

Tim smiles a look that knocks the breath out of you like a well-timed punch. He takes your hand and keeps it in his as he leads you to the perfect seats you were gifted. You gasp as you look out on the ice, and Tim watches you rather than the skaters warming up. One of the guys shoulder-checks his teammate before they point at each other, and you and Tim laugh with them.

“I’m pretty sure you could beat up both of them,” Tim says in your ear.

“Do you just like me for my fighting skills?” you ask, narrowing your eyes.

“Not just for that!”

You laugh and bump your shoulder against Tim’s. He takes the opportunity to wrap his arm around your shoulders, and you happily lean toward him.

“This is way better than the last hockey game I went to,” you murmur.

“That’s not a compliment,” Tim argues.

Before you can explain what you mean, the Flyers skate to the panel before you and bang on the divider. You smile and Travis, Sam, and Jamie hold up a jersey with ‘LA’s Finest’ on the back. After they skate away, a woman in a Flyers shirt approaches you and hands you a bag. Inside are two of those jerseys, and you quickly pull yours over your head.

“LA’s finest,” Tim reads. “I have to agree.”

“Back at you.”

Tim stays at your side for the entire game. You cheer together, yell together, and enjoy the night in each other’s company. You want Tim Bradford at your side for a very long time, even if he does make endless comments about who you could challenge to a fight.

“We should invite them to the wedding,” you say when the game ends.

“An entire hockey team?” Tim questions. You notice he doesn’t argue against the idea of marriage, just the number of people you’re already adding to the guest list.

“Yeah. Plus, the whole LAPD, right?”

Tim pulls you under his arm and leads you back to his truck. You can invite as many people as you want, he thinks, as long as he’s there with you.

[miadearden]

Arcane Season 2 Act 2 thoughts!

I think there’s something to say about this show’s willingness to kill off kids that every time Isha was on screen in this act I was saying “is it now? Is this where they’re going to kill her? I know this kid is getting offed at some point the only question is when”

That said, I do like the death they chose for her - how it ties back to Powder use of the hextech gems all the way back in 103. Lot of parallels in general between Isha and Power, and it was pretty clear Jinx (and Vi) saw that.

While we’re mentioning Jinx and Vi - holy shit episode 5. Not that we have the last three episodes yet, but ep05 is definitely my favourite of the season so far, if not my favourite of the entire show. Jinx immediately going to Vi when she finds out about Vander, the parallels between their conflict and the conflict between Silco and Vander.

Also the bit of history we get of Silco, Vander and Felicia, Vi and Powder’s mum, being this trio of friends who were all envisioning a better life and wanting it specifically for these two little girls. Just adds that bit of extra tragedy to Felicia’s death, Vander and Silco’s rift, and everything that happened after.

And then we get Vi at the end of the episode trusting Jinx’s conviction that Warwick is Vander and because of that they’re able to reach that bit of consciousness left in him together. Yeah episode 5 had me feeling all the feels.

I don’t have too much to say about the other storylines lmao I’m mostly still thinking about Jinx and Vi but hey I’ll try.

Confirmation that Mel has magic! And somehow it ties to the black rose which is interesting. I liked that the rose was trying to use her brother’s image to get her to figure out her powers (paralleled nicely to the sibling theme with Jinx and Vi too) and that Mel realised that. Not much else happening there, no doubt it’s going to come into play more in the last act with the things that will be happening there.

I think the ball was dropped a bit on Caitlyn in this act? Like we see her push back a bit against Ambessa in the starts of the act, but generally she felt pretty passive up until ep06 when she decided to team back up with Vi. I might have to rewatch these three eps again (and closer to the last three eps) to get a better idea, but yeah generally I think Cait fell a bit flat.

Not much to say on Jayce, as I’m sure we’re going to learn what happened with him at the start of ep07 (and Ekko and Heimerdinger too - THERE WAS NO EKKO THIS ACT I’M SAD) - however it was very funny in our watch party as we were all screaming JAYCE NO YOU’RE GONNA FUCK EVERYTHING UP during his actions in ep06. And well, yeah lmao

All of Viktor’s cult members screaming in unison and bluescreening when Jayce killed him was fucking haunting.

I was getting kinda worried partway through this act that we’re doing to much that we’re not really going to be able to wrap up properly. I’m still a little concerned, however with the way the last episode ended I think we’ve cleared a few things off the board that will make the final act tidier.

Predictions - I think the Piltover v Zaun is going to be put into an uneasy truce at this point, as the main conflict will now be fending off Ambessa and the Noxians. Secondary conflict - whatever Jayce found out about hextech and the arcane. Also now that Jayce is back on the map and in the same area as Ambessa, its possible she’ll finally get her hands on the scientist she wants to make hextech work for her, so that’s how those two plots will converge.

I think for the most part, the Vander subplot will be classed as over now, and probably most of the Viktor subplot too (though I’d say there might be a few more effects on that part). And we’ll get a lot more Mel and Black Rose stuff going on as it relates to Ambessa. I wanna hope we’ll get a lot more Ekko too? (he’s in the opening twice, I wanna believe he’ll have a big part) Though at this stage, apart from him also going on the hextech trip with Jayce and possibly learning what Jayce did, I don’t see where too much more of him will fit in.

As for Jinx and Vi, I wouldn’t be surprised if Isha’s death and Vander’s going beyond the point of being saved might put a rift back between Jinx and Vi. Particularly with Vi reconnecting with Caitlyn and likely wanting to help her against the Noxians too. I wanna hope that won’t be the case, but I don’t really expect this show to be a happy ending type show.

Anyway, yeah! I think that’s all the thoughts I have. Until next time!

[devilsupdates]

The last official updates until post season trade.

These are from this morning.

On learning to be a consistent, reliable player Alex Holtz says he really watches the way Ondrej Palat and Jesper Bratt carry themselves every day, showing up at the rink early, etc.

I have no doubt there are others too, but he pointed out those two in his answer.

Dawson Mercer: “We know we’re a talented group, we believe in ourselves. We know what (type of) guys we have in this room. We’re excited (for next season), you can’t doubt that because we know what we are capable of.”

Alexander Holtz says he wants to come back next season a different player… more reliable, quicker, better skating.

Luke said he was really thankful to have Jack to lean on this year, his rookie season, and spend every day with his brother.

Added: “I had a cook!” and reiterated that Jack is an excellent cook.

Luke Hughes will go to Worlds with Team USA

Nolan Foote had a lower-back, disc injury that had been lingering for the past four years.

That’s what kept him out this season.

Nemec said he really leaned on having Ondrej Palat and Tomas Nosek around in his first year. Being able to communicate in their language was important and he said that he, Palat and Nosek would often go for dinner together.

Nemec talked about his first real moment of feeling like he was in the NHL was when he was lining up against Connor McDavid in his fourth game.

That checks out.

Simon Nemec will be going to play at Worlds with Slovakia

Congrats to Jack on earning the King Clancy Memorial Trophy nomination!

Nate Bastian said his injury could not have come at a worse time in the season… said he probably would have been able to join the team on the ice today if #NJDevils  were still playing.

Dougie Hamilton said that he was hoping to be ready to at least join the team for practice in the next little bit if the team was headed to the playoffs.

Tomas Nosek says he will go to Worlds with Czechia and it will be the first time he’s playing at Worlds. Says it means a lot to him to be able to play for the first time with the men’s National team in his home country.

#NJDevils  Curtis Lazar reveals it was a shoulder injury. “Nothing too major, probably would have been cleared to play this week.”“I’m excited about the outlook of this team because we’ve been through a lot now.”

Jesper Bratt: “Obviously it wasn’t the way we wanted this season to go…there were a lot of games this year where if we played more mature we would have gotten the points.”“We have to use this as major motivation to dial it in…to come back more mature and get this team back to the playoffs.”

Jesper Bratt says he’s unsure if he’s going to Worlds, has to discuss with #NJDevils  medical staff before making that decision

Jake Allen on what he’s looking forward to next year: “I think there is a lot of optimism here. We know what kind of team this can be. We all want to put our work boots on this summer and come back a little bit better.”

Dougie Hamilton on his injury: “I just fell awkwardly on my arm… I just felt something and knew something was wrong.”

On the challenges of this year: “it’s hard not being out there with the guys…definitely makes you appreciated stuff and make sure you don’t take things for granted.”

On his health: “I’ve been skating, the plan was targeting playoffs…once we realized the was no (playoff) chance, we changed back up the rehab.”

“Hard year for everyone. Hard year for me not being able to help.”

Kaapo Kahkonen on coming over at the deadline: “I’ve gone through it twice. It’s always hectic at the start…you try to focus on your game…I felt good at the start, good guys in the room.”“I want to be a number one goalie…we’ll see where everything goes.”

Kevin Bahl on his year: “Biggest takeaway was learning a lot. I was in a spot I didn’t expect to be…I think I need to work on my shot this summer big time and footspeed.”On this year’s ending: “it’s extremely motivating…being here today and not playing hockey is a weird feeling.”On playing all 82 games: “it’s extremely grueling…it’s all about taking care of your body…it’s extremely rewarding too, because you are always with the game group.”

Ondrej Palat on what to take from this year: “Learning experience..need to think about it this summer and train harder this offseason.”“There are so many games we had a chance to get points and didn’t at the end…our mentality to play defense it wasn’t good enough.”On his own game: “Not a great year, not a lot of points…I’m not judging myself on points, I’m judging myself on winning battles and setting example, I think I did OK there, not great.”On opening season in Czechia: “it’s amazing, almost unbelievable to play NHL hockey in Czech”

Nico Hischier is expecting to go to Worlds with Switzerland. Says he’s in touch with his national team coach.

So it’s been a bit of a rough year injury-wise for Timo.

Timo Meier also said he was dealing with an oblique injury later in the year as well.

Timo Meier says it's up in the air whether he will be going to Worlds with Switzerland or not.

Says he's waiting on certain things to make sure his body is good enough to play more and he hasn't made an official decision yet.

Until anymore updates on the devils it will be about the playoffs and the cup here.

In Minnesota wild news

The Giving Flower 🌸

We're proud to announce Fleury is our 2024 nominee for the @NHL's King Clancy Memorial Trophy!

He is also the recipient of the #mnwild 's Tom Kurvers Humanitarian Award!

The Wild Flower blooms like no other 🌸

We're excited to announce we've signed goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury to a one-year contract extension!

[ikatako38]

Another Update

Do people even read these anymore?

Hi!

TL;DR: read last paragraph (bolded)

First of all… I miss you all so much!!! As I always say, thank you so much to everyone reading this for sticking around. It really means the world to me.

This summer has been extremely rough for me. I don’t need to rehash the details, I’m your curious I believe I gave some in a previous update. The important part is that I’m finally doing better now. For the first time in over a year really, I finally feel like I’m same strange enough to begin focusing on myself a little bit again, rather than just surviving. And part of that is making time to write and engage with fandom!

At the same time, it is also sadly true that, especially with the Grand Festival behind us, the Splatoon fandom is slowly going dormant. Many of the Splatoon creators I know are moving on to different fandoms. Especially for a Splatoon 2 fic, the interest level is understandably small and ever-shrinking. Much of today’s Splatoon fandom never even played the second game or Octo Expansion. And a lot of that is due to my own timing; I’ve been behind since the beginning, and long hiatuses squandered much of the wave of interest coming from Splatoon 3.

That being said, I can try to be proud about the things I did accomplish in that time. A Discord server that’s a bit quieter but still thriving after nearly two years, my longest single project ever at over 500 pages, tons of beautiful fanart that I still look at often because they make me so happy, so many friendships… some short-lived but others genuine and hopefully long-lasting—and above all, so many amazing memories that I hope I can cherish for years and years.

And that’s really important for me to remember. Truth is, and I don’t even think I fully recognized this until now, but I’ve definitely been struggling with a feeling of failure surrounding TPWCH. And that’s in no way because of, but rather really in spite of all you readers, who have been nothing but supportive, often not just as a fan but as a friend. So that you for that! ^_^ But what can I say, I’m hard on myself. That feeling makes me avoid writing, which only increases the feeling of failure, and so on and so forth.

But putting it all together, I have no idea why it took so long, but I’m finally realizing that the kind of engagement I’m clinging to is just not possible anymore… and not because of any fault of my own. People just… move on. Fandoms ebb and flow (hah). Even I haven’t been nearly as involved in Splatoon as I used to be.

So… I’m going to try to fully let go of that blame and regret. I used guilt to motivate myself, and it worked for a while, but eventually it just burned me out. I used to think it was cliché and dumb, but I really do need to learn to just write for myself and my friends (yes, that includes you!)

So, what’s the plan then?

My plan, for now, is to do something I haven’t done since the very beginning of the fic: create a buffer. My obsession with pushing content the moment it’s ready has not only caused me stressed but also a poorer reading experience for you all.

I’m going to take down the Part 1 Recap. Then, I’m going to keep working on the Part 2 Recap, Chapter #22.5, and Chapter #23. The nice thing about this is that I can work on them in any order I want, or simultaneously! When I finish, likely near the end of the year, I’ll post the Part 1 Recap, Part 2 Recap, Chapter #22.5, and each part of Chapter #23 at regular intervals. That should give me some time to work on Chapter #24 as those are releasing, and we’ll see where things go from there! By then, I’ll be headed to Japan, and who knows what that will be like!

That may feel like a long time away, but don’t fear! I’ll also be posting Sneak Peeks here irregularly, so you can still have a little content to hold you over and keep up the excitement!

Thank you as always to everyone who has had an impact on my life through this fic! You all mean so incredibly much to me 🥹

[shir0oos-thoughts]

Been pondering about who i think the Fhdw characters favorites are/relate to in Sanrio and it has NOT left my mind. So I tried something new! My two favorite things combined!! ˚˖𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚.🎀༘⋆

ᝰ.ᐟFHDW meets SANRIO CHARACTERS ೀ

Kendra

She’s a Hello Kitty girl through and through although Seth calls her basic for it. They both love to read, are true friends, honest and have hearts of gold! Has different varieties in her collection (big and small). OWNS ALL THE HOLIDAY THEMED ONES! Corrects people who say she shes a cat and not a little girl.

Seth

Okay so i may be projecting here lol but he SCREAMS Chococat. They’re scattered-brained at times but LOVE to play around! They keep up to date on the latest news too. Has a plush of him on his bed. May or may not cuddle it sometimes…and Kendra may or may not have pictures…

Vanessa

No question about it. Kuromi. They both act tough but are secretly softies, they’re mischievous tho! Both have similar backstories and wanted revenge at a point in time too. Also fun fact: both were imprisoned for their crimes. She watched all the shows & movies she was featured in while in the dungeon!

Warren

Gotta be My Melody! Mostly bc he found out Vanessa’s fav was Kuromi lol. Funnily enough both characters have history with the other just like Warren and Vanessa. Both are good-natured and wholesome who bring good vibes to those around them. Not to mention they love their family! Is trying to convince Vanessa to go as them for Halloween-

Ronodin

Badtz Maru! Are you even surprised lol? Here are just some of Badtz’s likes; rolling his eyes, pulling faces at people and blowing raspberries at people…Definitely Ronodin coded (especially in appearance)! Would have a lot of fun troublemaking together since they love villainy<3 ! Bracken keeps asking him who his fav is but he refuses to tell him.

Bracken

Blue eyes and white (silver) hair?! How could he literally be anyone BUT Cinnamoroll! Both are quite shy but very friendly. They always help their friends when they need it AND have a tendency to put others before themselves. They’re both very popular for their looks too lol. Both come from distant territories (Cinnamoroll, the sky & Bracken, the fairy kingdom).

Tanu

Didn’t initially know about Sanrio until Kendra introduced him to it and immediately related to Pompompurin. Both are as chill as can be. Pom is a bit of a fashion icon due to his cute beret and striped scarf similar to Tanu being well renowned in the potion making community! They have positive outlooks on life and find joy in the little things!

Dale

People often forget about him a lot, just like Keroppi. Both are full of energy since Kerropi likes to swim/ play sports and Dale tends to the chores around Fablehaven. They even both have brothers and animal friends (Dale has Viola and Keroppi has a snail friend called Den Den). They’re just here for a good time! However, one time Warren got him a pusheen plush for his bday and he LOVED it. So he’s more of a pusheen type of guy now :3

Wow! This was really fun to do and pretty different from my other posts, might make a part 2 with some other characters but we’ll see😻 Hope you were able to learn a cool fact or two about Sanrio characters and I’m open to hearing thoughts on if you think this is accurate!

PS i started tagging my fhdw posts under the tag #shir0oos-thoughts so check it out if you enjoyed this post bc i’ll be making more soon!

[tigreblvnc]

BLUE LOCK MATCHUP — @m1ckeyb3rry

Your match IS...

— Chigiri Hyoma

✦ …………………………………..

✦ …….. I rewrote the whole matchup……

✦ …… because I realized halfway through that my first choice wasn’t the right one at all :D

✦ YAY.

✦ I think this is the first time I’ve ever done a complete rewind like this.

✦ It doesn’t bother me because I prefer being accurate in my choices, but wow, I didn’t expect it, lol.

✦ SO.

✦ Back to square one.

✦ I’ll explain at the end of the post why I changed direction, but essentially the only other choice that came to mind while reading your description was the red panther. It perfectly fits all the traits you love and hate in people. Honestly, my choice could be summed up in just those few paragraphs since your lines scream “princess” more than any other character…

✦ In this case, you two share a lot in common, which leaves no room for any other potential match. I can only see Chigiri by your side :) Believe me, he’s a great partner, both from what we see in the manga and what I interpret about his character off-screen.

✦ Let’s start with the common points!

✦ "I’m quite smart but I don’t really try to be?? Like I mostly play on my phone or watch shows/read in my classes but I have perfect grades anyways." Without calling Chigiri lazy (far from it), he easily succeeds at what he sets his mind to. When it comes to sports, he's a smart guy with a sharp, critical, and curious mind that quickly grasps things and learns easily. We know that from an early age, he made a breakthrough and gained popularity because no one could rival his talent. Nature also blessed him physically, but we’ll get back to that later, Monica Bellucci.

✦ "I’d say I’m also pretty quick-witted and good at thinking on my feet BUT I’m kind of judgmental." Yes. Chigiri.

✦ "I was the one in high school who knew ALL of the tea because people would just tell me their secrets unprompted." Well, it’s not quite the same for Chigiri, and this is where things get interesting: for him, it’s the opposite. Since he’s so talented, many have high expectations of him, and he has high expectations of himself too. His knee injury was a taboo subject at the beginning of the manga until Isagi brought it up and got Chigiri to open up – though I like to think it was Isagi’s therapist-like aura that encouraged Chigiri to confess everything.

✦ This is where you complement each other well. Highly talented and productive people often hide their failures and vulnerabilities, and when they do confide, it’s a real sign of trust.

✦ For this reason, I think one of Chigiri’s love languages is quality time.

✦ Another reason this match makes sense: you two naturally balance each other with your respective temperaments. But there are also striking similarities, like your general popularity. People gravitate towards you both, seeking your presence.

✦ And honestly, it was when I reached the “likes/dislikes” section that I completely reevaluated my choice for your matchup because everything you mentioned just screams Chigiri. That’s what ultimately pushed my original choice aside and made me rewrite everything!

✦ "People who are passionate about things, people who are very kind/gentle, they NEED to have a sense of humor though so definitely someone very comfortable being sassy or sarcastic, people who are on the calmer/quiet side because that balances me and my high-maintenance self out, people who don’t get angry very easily." I’m quoting this because it almost directly describes Chigiri. To me, he’s a boy who started off very confident and arrogant, but his knee injury taught him humility and introspection. This balance brings a lot of nuance to your relationship. He knows how to switch between being highly competitive and cocky on the field, yet he becomes very calm and kind off the field. Chigiri is the type to dish out sarcastic remarks without getting upset by them.

✦ There’s a little note about him that says, "He thinks his strong point is that he's proactive when it comes to things he likes or wants to do." Sure, most of the Blue Lock characters are passionate about what they do, but the fact that Chigiri is the only one with this specific note in his canon profile shows how central this trait is for him.

✦ "Traits I dislike in others: people who explain things I already know because nothing makes me crash out like a mansplainer, people who are overly pushy, people who are way too nonchalant and don’t pay attention to me, people who are overly blunt to the point that it becomes mean, people who look down on me or are condescending, people with no social awareness." Similarly, Chigiri strikes me as one of the most balanced characters in the Blue Lock roster, and I see him as someone who would be respectful in everyday life. In fact, I think this applies to most of the manga’s characters, but once they’re off the field and not in high-pressure situations, they’re just regular humans like us. Well, most of them.

✦ "Hobbies: Horseback riding (I do dressage, which is kind of like horse ballet)." Why do I feel like this is a sport Chigiri would absolutely enjoy? Maybe it’s because dressage requires technique, precision, and elegance—qualities that define Chigiri well.

✦ "Writing." If I remember correctly, Chigiri enjoys reading. Short stories, specifically. While I see him sticking to his preferred genres, your love for writing would definitely pique his interest. Writing is a pretty personal activity, and not everyone is comfortable talking about it, let alone sharing their work. Since Chigiri is receptive to art in many forms, he’d be intrigued and would want to know more about your writing style, your characters. You can learn a lot about a football player’s mindset from their gameplay; similarly, a writer’s work reveals much about their inner world.

✦ "Making tea." I’m picking up on all the tiny details because everything aligns so perfectly with Chigiri, and I’m still wondering why he didn’t come to mind during my first attempt. Also, I remember reading that you love autumn, which creates a fun link with Chigiri: "His favorite season is winter because he enjoys drinking tea and eating sweets while sitting under a kotatsu."

✦ "Doing makeup/hair/skincare." Chigiri again :) Along with Aryu and Kaiser, Chigiri is one of the characters whose appearance is meticulously maintained. He genuinely cares about looking good.

✦ "Taking pictures (both of myself to post online and also just of scenery/animals/flowers/pretty things)." Except for Nagi, Shidou and Sae (surprisingly), we don’t know much about most Blue Lock characters’ online lives, but I can easily picture Chigiri scrolling through Instagram, checking out fashion, beauty, and wellness accounts. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a Pinterest board for home decor, hairstyles, and inspiration.

✦ "I like being told that someone loves me and I also like being looked at." Funny you say that because there’s a line about Chigiri: "He likes when he is praised for his talent or admired for how fast he can run." You two were definitely the queen bees of high school, huh?

✦ "In terms of giving, I think it’s gift giving because I love finding little things that remind me of someone." Spot on. I think Chigiri would love receiving gifts, especially books, clothes, or stylish items. He strikes me as someone whose house is the most well-decorated out of the whole friend group, and everyone loves visiting.

✦ When it comes to public displays of affection, I see Chigiri as someone who’s more reserved. He might be with his partner in public, but you wouldn’t know it by the way he acts—he keeps it private.

✦ So… YES. I said I’d get back to appearances, and now is the time.

✦ … Monica Bellucci is one of the most beautiful women of her time, and nothing and no one can convince me otherwise. The fact that she speaks more than six languages (including Italian, English, French, Portuguese, Spanish, and Persian) makes me absolutely crazy. And honestly, if people compare you to her, it means you’re turning heads just like Chigiri :) So yes, the couple goals are present, and that’s why I rewrote this entire matchup to highlight it on my blog.

✦ Cancer and Capricorn have one of the best compatibilities in the zodiac, thank you and goodnight.

✦ And just because the analyst in me can’t help but dissect every brain: the ISFP and ENFP combination is very interesting and draws heavily on creativity. Both types are known as free spirits who don’t like to conform to norms, and they want to create and invest in things that resonate with them. These two types share Introverted Feeling (Fi) in their cognitive stack. It asks, "Is this good? Bad? Do I like this?" Your ideals guide your decisions and preferences. You can’t be forced into something you’re not in tune with, or you’ll become unproductive—or worse, completely stuck.

✦ I haven’t even touched on the headcanons yet, so the curtain rises now :)

✦ You met at the end of autumn, early winter, when the season was still clinging to its russet leaves, but the white of the ground had already started to appear.

✦ Back then, Chigiri still had short hair and ran faster than light. You, as usual, were surrounded by people, admired by the teachers. Good grades. Your profile was enough to make others envious, but it was so distant from you that it didn’t really affect you.

✦ In any case, it wasn’t a concern you showed.

✦ The fact that you didn’t speak right away, even though you probably knew Chigiri from afar—everyone talked about him. People talked about you too, but it was hard to tell if Chigiri was aware of you. In truth, apart from soccer, there wasn’t much that could hold his attention for more than five minutes.

✦ … And you liked that. The fact that he always gave everything for his passion. That he was bold, laughed in the face of the slower ones. There was a part of you that didn’t necessarily approve, but another part that admired this confidence. Only the best can afford to act like that.

✦ You watched him play from the stands. Soccer wasn’t something you always understood—the rules or the appeal—but the team spirit, the way people fought hard to score goals; that you liked. You understood the excitement of gathering around the field to cheer on one side and then the other. It was a moment shared with others.

✦ What eventually made Chigiri approachable was, ironically, the very thing that shattered his rise.

✦ During a match, his leg twisted, and you didn’t see the redhead on the field again after that.

✦ You were there. You saw what happened.

✦ And you also noticed how everything changed for Chigiri once he returned to school, without the weapon that set him apart from the rest and elevated him above others. His knee now had a brace.

✦ Most people scattered, lost interest. The strongest had fallen, so there was no point in orbiting around him anymore; there were other heroes.

✦ You saw him, sitting under the isolated tree behind the school. He was alone, and instinctively, you knew he wasn’t seeking company.

✦ But you couldn’t help it.

✦ You joined him, announcing yourself politely. You were alone, so it was easier for Chigiri to accept you sitting beside him.

✦ From your backpack, you pulled out snacks from the konbini—you knew Chigiri liked them. He always opened a pack after training.

✦ The fact that you remembered this moved him deeply. Everyone only defined Chigiri by his abilities on the field, never by what he liked. You remembered that he liked sweet snacks and even brought some tea in a thermos.

✦ You shared the food while talking until sunset, and even now, that remains one of the best autumns Chigiri had ever known.

✦ Even at the end of high school, when your paths diverged, he kept in touch by phone. He regularly sends pictures of landscapes he finds beautiful. Cats he finds on the street. Cherry blossoms in spring.

✦ Time and obligations sometimes keep you apart for long weeks, even months, but you always end up crossing paths again in the shopping streets of Tokyo. More specifically, near the clothing stores.

✦ You both followed each other on Pinterest and enjoyed pinning photos to your shared boards. You smile when you notice a new picture added and see the other’s name beneath it.

✦ "Look, this reminded me of you."

✦ Skies with changing colors are your favorite photos.

✦ Even with his busy schedule, he always comes to see you during your horseback riding performances. These shows are particularly beautiful, and his respect for your understanding of horses is immense. Anyone good with animals is undoubtedly a good person.

✦ He claps without shouting, always with a smile on his face. He knows you’ll spot him in the crowd.

✦ He keeps the little trinkets you give him, attaching them to his phone, keeping them in his fanny pack.

✦ When he’s in town, a thought of you always wanders through his mind, and he takes out his phone: "I’m near the mall. Want to meet up? It’s time to see who’s kept the best fashion sense."

✦ Always a slightly teasing remark, but never mean.

✦ Like you, Chigiri remembers the little details and the things you like. He’s even become surprisingly good at gifting you the best stationery—cute and colorful pens, notebooks, everything.

✦ When he was able to run again without fear of injuring his knee, you were the first person he told.

✦ "The match against the U-20 is coming up soon. You’ll see me on the field, Mira, and I’ll be running."

✦ ONE SHOT TIME.

The match against the U-20 had passed, and Blue Lock had won.

Blue Lock. You hadn’t heard much about it, only what Chigiri had told you. And Chigiri wasn’t the most talkative guy in the world, especially when it came to his own affairs.

But one thing was clear: he had joined the program and was running again.

Running.

It was something that defined the one who earned the nickname of the Red Panther. And you had seen him dash faster than anyone on the field. There was something beautiful about watching Chigiri play, whether it was his fluid, controlled footwork. His straight trajectory along each wing of the field while everyone else was crowded near the goal. His red hair gleaming above his shoulders like a dancing flame.

You had found Chigiri in all his former glory.

When the final goal was scored, signaling the end of the match, everything inside you tightened with joy. Your first instinct was to suggest to Chigiri that you meet up in the city during the break, at the café you used to go to in high school. The sign hadn’t changed, and luckily: you could still enjoy your favorite dishes there.

The Cat’s Corner welcomed you with its Parisian café tones, its wooden tables, old paintings, and tiled floors.

Chigiri had just arrived at the table where you were already seated.

"Hey, champ! So, you’ve been hiding the fact that you’ve become super strong from me!" You say with a big smile, opening your arms to welcome your friend in a hug.

"I’m just saving the surprise to make my comeback more epic, what do you think?"

"You were amazing. That was an incredible match, I can’t believe it!"

"Me neither, you know. It wasn’t looking great at first; we were all a mess."

Chigiri sits down, reaching for the menu, but your hand stops on his wrist.

"I already ordered! Karinto manjuu and green tea for you, sir."

"Wow, what a memory! Good thing I haven’t been getting that for ten years!"

"Tsk, amateur. You think just because it’s been months I don’t remember what I brought you under that tree?"

"You remember that?"

"How could I forget? With your funeral face, it looked like the world was ending."

"That’s pretty much how I felt."

"And now, how do you feel?"

"Now…"

Chigiri glanced away, looking at the passing crowd. The constant noise rocked the rhythm of his thoughts.

"… peaceful, I’d say. To be able to… play like before. I’m not scared of blowing out my knee anymore."

"What happened then, while you were stuck in a new block with just guys?"

You smile, and quickly, a teasing expression crosses Chigiri’s face.

"Don’t start imagining things—it’s just teammates, nothing more!"

"Yeah, yeah… We all went through the yaoi phase in middle school, Hyoma!"

"Maybe you did. I was training to be the best."

"And now?"

"Nothing’s changed. I’m still training hard. To beat who I used to be… and to finally be the best striker."

Chigiri’s order arrives, and the steaming tea seems to plunge him into deep thought.

"This time, I won’t slow down. I’m not afraid anymore. I’ll give it my all to get there, even if it costs me my tendon. Hey, Mira. Will you follow me in this new ascent?"

There was no need for an answer to understand the obvious, which only made your smile grow.

A word about your match: As I mentioned, I revised my choice because I believe that with Nagi, the spark just won't catch. There are too many differences between the two of you, and even though I love opposites-attract dynamics, considering the traits you like and dislike in someone, Nagi is, rationally, not a good match for you. Nevertheless, I still posted the matchup I had originally planned with him (because, well, why not) HERE in case the draft analysis I made interests you. Enjoy!

© TIGREBLVNC 2024 | SEPTEMBER '24 MATCHUPS EDITION.

[shrekgogurt]

WORDS

This is a sappy creative talking about being creative post. You have been warned. I did not proofread because I am nothing if not consistent in my personality.

I just got done watching Season 2 episodes 3&4 of the FX’s The Bear and I’m constantly inspired by their storytelling. The two episodes I watched really leaned into the creative process in a way that made me very reflective. I am terrible in a kitchen. However, I really saw similar patterns in my own pursuits.

I have a dear friend who studied brains in university and when I was at my lowest a few months ago she was telling me about how life is just skills. Things like IQ are bullshit. Everybody can do anything if they put the time in. It’s about just choosing skills and developing them. I get mad that I can’t draw. I get mad that I can’t play guitar well. Those are skills I’ve never worked on because the process doesn’t bring me joy, even though they are skills I wished I had. Meanwhile things like science or sports are areas I’ve never had much interest in cultivating anyway so the lack of skill doesn’t bother me as much.

I think about my skillset now a lot more. I think about how learning piano—while I’m frustrated by my lack of expertise—doesn’t make me literally cry while I’m learning. I embrace the challenge unlike something like drawing where I get so upset with myself it’s not fun anymore. This past fall while my confidence was totally shot (for a lot of reasons) I looked at my ability to sit at a keyboard and just play the same riffs from Kate Bush’s Wuthering Heights over and over and over and over until I could do them. I learned I could do hard things. That maybe I’m not a total lazy piece of shit who gives up at the first sign of trouble.

And the beautiful thing is? That wasn’t always the case with piano. I’ve dabbled here and there throughout my life but when I first took piano lessons as a kid I HATED them. I didn’t enjoy putting in the work. But I do now because people change. And so maybe one day I will learn to draw but not right now. And that’s okay.

And then I start thinking about singing. There’s this sentiment that people are just naturally gifted, especially at singing. But at least for me that’s not the case. I’m good at singing because as a kid I loved it. I gravitated toward it. I sung all the time to the radio, mimicking the voices I heard. And I listened to SO MUCH music—partially because of my parents but also because I chose to always have the radio or a CD or my trusty mp3 player going. When I was playing with my dolls. When I was riding my bike. When I was in the shower. When I was at dance class. When I was dragged along to my siblings' sports games, I would build worlds while tuned into the nearest iHeartRadio station. (Airplanes feat. Hayley Williams. I loved it. I loved the storytelling. Pt. 1 but oh when the oh so rare Pt. 2 came through over the FM waves it was the best day of my life.)

Eventually, my parents put me into voice lessons. I learned how to sing rather than mimic. (Not that the latter is bad.) But I learned how to use it as an instrument. And I sang and I sang and I sang. In lessons. In choir. In church. That’s why I’m good at singing. It took me forever to learn how to harmonize. I was a soprano—it was always melody. But I’m learning that too as my voice changes. I can’t sing as high as I used to. I haven’t practiced notes off the staff since high school. Life is just skills. I was focusing on different ones. Like film (but we’ll get to that.)

There was something else always there. I don’t know how many people knew it—the extent. You had to live with me to see it…but I loved nothing more than I loved reading. 

I always had my nose in a book. Like a lot of kids who consumed books non-stop it was definitely escapism. But I read and I read and I read. The classic question in my family was “where is Mary?” And the answer was always “in her room.” And if I wasn’t reading a story I was creating one. With my dolls yes, but eventually with my tiny little acer computer and with my thumbs in the notes app on my iPod Touch. (I still maintain that the notes app is where the best art happens.)

It was May in my eighth grade pre-Algebra class when my friend told me what FanFiction was and about how she had an account on good ole fanfiction.net. I made one too. I joined a Divergent roleplaying forum that lasted two months. I started writing a long-abandoned backstory for my character—Antoine, named at intermission of the high school production of West Side Story I was watching. It was bad. But I didn’t know it at the time. I thought I was doing something important and I guess I was.

The Divergent forum didn’t last long but a few months later I would create my own. Welcome to Camp Half Blood! Join in! Make an OC! I brought my friends over from the old forum and even as Admin my authority was immediately usurped. We built worlds. And then we rebuilt them. And then our worlds had baby worlds. Generation 1, Gen 1.5 (you suggest a teen pregnancy plot line as a joke one time while on a choir trip in Yorkshire ONE TIME and then you wake up and uh oh two characters are actually teen pregnant), Gen 2, on and on and on. There’s a whole Google Sheets document. It’s deeply comprehensive and filled with all our faceclaims and timelines and playlists.

We rarely wrote action in our roleplay. We mainly talked. Dialogue and dialogue and dialogue for years. I get compliments now on my dialogue in fics. It didn’t come from nowhere. It came from cringe-y exchanges with my friends as we fell in love with each other’s self inserts over and over and over again. I stayed up on school nights until 2am quietly wheezing only to fall asleep in Algebra 1 over my scribbled cursive poetry on the graph paper. Life is skills. I was choosing which ones to build.

It was never math.

It was stories.

In the singing. In the dance (competition team—burned me out. I was never the best athlete. I was always the most expressive. I was telling the story.) In the theatre. And in the little fan videos I would make with my friends for our OCs over on fanfiction.net.

So my dumbass went to film school. And like with singing I learned about stories. How to craft them. And I wrote bad scripts. And we made bad low budget films. And I was so scared of cameras but I learned how to use them. And I directed and I got good at that especially with documentaries. Looking at all the information and chasing down the story. Telling people who were faster editors than me where to cut. Telling people who could make the camera capture what I saw in my eye what to film. God I fucking loved it. And I miss it.

Because my dumbass went to seminary. Why? Because there were these ancient stories that were really important to me that were being used to harm others. And I wanted to learn them. And I wanted to be able to show that there was a different way than the one that spews hatred. And as Phoebe Bridgers sings I “went looking for a creation myth ended up with a pair of cracked lips.” And I’m figuring all that out still. What to do with these stories that mean so much to me. How to tell them. How to Robin Hood theology.

And as my life and my faith were falling apart. I looked at my tiny little shithole apartment. And how I used to hide in my room where I felt safe. And I made that apartment feel safe. It was my room now. And I walked out to my bookshelf and I saw a book I had bought and opened it up. And on the inside of the cover there was a map just like there was in all the best books from my childhood. So I stayed up until 3am reading it. And then the next night. And the next night. And then I bought the sequel and I read about a boy who thought he was going to be something and then he wasn’t that anymore. And he was lost and angry and self-destructive just like me. But then in the last part of the trilogy he decided at the last second to try to figure it all out. And I’m still trying to do that too.

I had been writing all along—non-fiction. Papers. Essays. (Metas—really.) And I learned how to approach a text. How to analyze it in one million different ways. And I think I took those skills I learned from the Bible and I stuck them on some YA trilogy. And I thought and I thought and I had something to say.

And I wrote. And I keep getting better. Because life is just skills.

So I was watching The Bear and Will Poulter as a baker talks about how he used to see some other baker as competition. Until he decided he wasn’t and instead he just tried to keep up. And I want to keep up. And I watch these television shows and I read your fics and I get so fucking inspired. 

And I look at this stupid fucking soccer fic I love with my whole chest and I think about how life is just skills and they all have led me to be able to write it. And I know that in ten years when I’m 34 I’ll probably think it’s cringey just like I think that what I wrote when I was 14 is cringey. But GOD I’m so proud of it. And I think I always will be.

Because life is just skills and I’m really glad I chose these ones.

TL;DR I’ve never been the best “athlete” (had the best skills in a particular medium) but goddamn if I’m not a good fucking storyteller.

[iantimony]

2023 year in review roundup

wow!! what a fucking year!!! goodbye and good riddance! happy first day of 2024!

this year i did 37 tuesdayposts! there were 53 tuesdays so that's about 70%! some of them were on fri/sat instead as shabbosposts but i think posting on tuesday or even monday does just work better for some fucking reason. maybe because friday and saturday are days that i am most likely to do New Activities for making/playing/watching/reading??? and so on monday or tuesday i can recap the just-finished weekend. shrug! we love tuesday so it's fine.

listening listened to all of twilight mirage and a little over half of partizan! shrieking shack podcast, just king things, well there's your problem, miscellaneous music (maneskin probably a notable winner in there)

reading a lot of little articles. a little tgcf. SO much fanfic. 'every heart a doorway' (bad). 'birthday of the world' le guin (good).

playing a little disco elysium. a little minecraft. a little nier automata. a little hadesgame. a LOT of pokemon go. and i got into magic the gathering this year!

watching a lot of youtube videos. so many gd youtube videos. evangelion, history of the world part ii, cunk on earth, vox machina animated series, cowboy bebop, first season of peaky blinders, the new tgcf donghua season!

making i did very little drawing/painting/illustration beyond life drawing a few times...however i was very prolific in crafting! i also theoretically made valentines gifts. i do not remember what they were tho lol.

fiber arts: i completed a big embroidery project (fermenting dregs album art hoodie), quantum shawl, mesh market bag, case for my knew laptop, finished that blue tank top even though i hate it, fixed the lining on my yellow knitted cowl, made a little knitted headphone top cover that i will probably redo differently, headband ear warmer for my roommate's mom, and FINALLY i just barely finished the scarf for my SO before the end of 2023!

print block carving: wristwatch print, gavelbocken holiday card print

misc/writing: some songxuexiao fencing au. some harrowhark abhorsen au. neocities website!

and so much pottery! this is all of it, barring the things i already gave away as presents before this photo (two pots and a little box and the little raven guy), but wow! that's so many fuckin object!

misc what a fucking year. some bad! had to file a big car insurance claim! got really sick while abroad and that persisted for a long fucking time! mini summer breakdown! some good stuff too - passed quantum mechanics FOREVER good fucking bye, did my first successful academic conference, finally started feeling better around the end of the year! learned my lesson: it's not fuckin worth stressing yourself to death over, and also i can't just Be At Home Aimlessly for months any more. it's bad for my mental health.

reviewing 2023 resolutions and goals --> I’d love to start writing again and play more horn but we’ll see i basically didn't do any creative writing at all this year barring a few lines of fanfic ideas (the abhorsen/tlt crossover one) HOWEVER i READ a lot of fanfic to marinate in and i played a LOT more french horn!! i joined the little youth orchestra which is like, uber goofy, but it means ive been playing on a regular basis again!

--> I also wanna listen to more weird music, and invest in actually owning some files, especially for some of the lesser-known bands and through bandcamp and stuff i spent all year meaning to do this and kept pushing it off so it rolls over into next year.

--> I really want to kind of dial those [unhealthy coping mechanisms] back again, focus more on existing in Reality and more in each moment, which hopefully will also help with some of the skin picking and other anxious habits that resurfaced. maybe more yoga, maybe re-establishing a meditation process lol lmao. nah. but definitely rolling it over into 2024.

--> I would love to think more about my fashion and how I present myself too, and work on making and tailoring more of my clothing in general actually not bad! basically zero tailoring but i did a pretty good job wearing some cute outfits.

--> I’ve been pretty good about being active so I’d like to keep that up, I still can’t do a pull-up but maybe this is the year! (lol) I should also start doing some minor exercises for my shitty arthritis toes to keep those okay once again: lol lmao. health issues had me really regress in some of my gains goals. plus side is toes are doin pretty normal.

--> a lot of last year was kind of a wash regarding research so I’m really looking forward to refocusing on that and really getting things moving. oh it moved! in a good way! i'm making good progress and hopefully i will keep that momentum going!

--> finally! I want to get back to tabletop! I miss doing it so much! it fell by the wayside for me because of how busy and overwhelmed I was, especially this past fall semester, but I want to start running and playing games with my pals again a little! i should have been putting these in playing as i went oops. the tabletop group i've run was a little fallow this year due to at least half of our group, including myself, not being in Tabletop Mood but we've played a lot of res arcana and other such games instead.

i had a few other resolutions in my digital planner on my ipad that didn't go in the writeup last year: namely, practice languages more (i did practice my mandarin a little but did not really learn any hebrew or korean unfortunately) and establish a non-software component of my research (nope, not in the cards, but i'm hoping to do something else this summer to let me get better with physical data/setups), and finishing the masters degree requirements (that will be the end of this upcoming spring semester), but overall i really did hit most of my resolutions and goals! even with being ill for a while! (except the finances. i am simply not looking at them <3)

2024 resolutions and goals

definitely some rollover! i will format this to hopefully be a little easier to respond to next year:

- get back on a regular workout schedule: swimming 1x a week, weights once or twice a week. would like to try and work towards my One Pullup goal again. would also be cool to try and work towards a hand/headstand. - try and be more mindful. i'm going to continue the grief therapy but also think about meditating more, doing more yoga, and so on. - there's a gallery on main street that solicits work from local artists for bimonthy themed exhibitions and i really want to submit at least one thing to it this year! the one due by end of january is themed 'florals', and the one two months after that is 'layers', so i'd really like to submit something to one of those. - more weird art! use that big canvas i bought in literally 2022! paint!!! - finally put together that travel journal from korea & japan (and also scrapbook-ify the papers i have leftover in a pile from that) - also, maybe do current scrapbook a little different? might need a new binder at the very least. - hang up that expensive quilt i bought in august - speaking of quilt: do some hand quilting, english paper piercing! i have so much fucking fabric! - find a new apartment to move into that hopefully won't suck! - try to secure some sort of summer internship or project that will let me develop some new skillsets that i might not be getting with my current research - finish the masters degree - write...a paper? for the work i just presented??? - keep tweaking neocities and make some more pages - keep track of recipes this year as well in my making section

i might start a little spreadsheet this year to keep better track of all my stuff because i really did Not want to go through all my separate listening and reading sections and extract what i liked the most, etc. this post required me to first back up a few extra early tuesdayposts from this year to dreamwidth, and then skim all of them to accumulate the above, and that was kinda a pain. and i love an excuse to start a new spreadsheet.

we did it! happy 2024! i don't think i have anything else to add to this wrapup but if i think of something i'll tack it into the upcoming Normal Tuesdaypost tomorrow! good job good night and good luck everyone!

[thehomebodydiaries]

homebody diaries .002.

the amount of reading that i’ve been doing lately makes me think of when i first discovered booktube: i learned about all these popular books and i was broke for like a consistent year because i wouldn’t stop buying books, but i only made like $9/hr. even now, with a full-time job that pays me almost twice that much, i still don’t know why that worked out for me. it definitely should not have.

anyway, yesterday was “free comic book day” and a local comic store gave me a bag of like sixteen free comics, and then i turned around and spent $80 on more comics. it also reminded me that i had two comics in my favorite series that i haven’t read yet. so i’ve got volumes 10 and 11 of “saga,” and yesterday i purchased the first volumes of “deadly class” and “something is killing the children,” as well as junji ito’s manga interpretation of mary shelley’s “frankenstein,” and then “old man logan,” which is about an elderly wolverine (whose healing capabilities are faltering) who gets picked up by an old hawkeye. it’s what inspired the movie logan, which is objectively speaking the only good x-men movie (do not come for me, i watched those movies for the first time in release date order like last month ago, and i am lowkey way more into the x-men than i am the rest of the marvel heroes, save for like agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.). i also received a package in the mail containing the fifth book in one of my favorite series: the witchlands series by susan dennard. oh my god, and i started the wayward children series by seanan mcguire and it’s so good. and i’m waiting on two more books in the mail, both for my bookclub.

i am so content with it too. i am doing it because i love reading and it brings me joy. plus, who doesn’t love some easy escapism? same reason i love video games.

speaking of which, i gotta start a farm with some friends. there have been so many updates and i haven’t played the pc version of it in so long. maybe i’ll convince a few of them to let me stream it. that, and palworld. i’m just not sure when i should start streaming; it feels like i have so much left to do, but it also feels like i’m not doing anything at all. so i might have to try streaming for 3-4 hours on my days off, with or without friends. my problem when it comes to streaming is that i’m my own boss, so not following through with a schedule doesn’t really have any consequences. but i really gotta get that started, otherwise i feel like i’ll never get around to it. it certainly would be nice to eventually make some extra money off of it. thought i wanted to be a val streamer, but i shockingly haven’t even really touched the game since i moved into my new place.

izzy and i watched four movies in a day on friday: mr. and mrs. smith, bullet train, baby driver, and everything everywhere all at once. all of them were so good, although everything everywhere all at once was… interesting. like the whole overall message of it is great and everything, like we love old traditional parents learning how to accept the things they can’t control about their child, but like… the buttplugs. wow. what a scene. (and that is all i’ll say on that; if you know, you know.)

i’m working on a linktr.ee with all my currently active and soon-to-be active accounts, which includes tumblr, discord, snapchat, and twitch. i was thinking about making a patreon, but i feel like i should gather an audience before i attempt managing another account. i already hate social media as it is which is why i only have what i have… we’ll see where it goes.

anyway, it was a solid weekend. i’m still tired, but i did drink quite a bit at a party last night and now i’ve got five days of work ahead of me, and my coworkers alone make that exhausting. but i’ve got lots of reading and writing to do to keep myself relaxed in between moments of masking (totally gonna be the name of my autobiography), especially once the new bookclub pick arrives. i’ll try not to be too miserable by tuesday.

[another-whump-sideblog]

Masterlist

"Can you explain this gap in your resume?"

"I was abducted and tortured for years."

The interviewer stares at her. Waiting for her to reveal it was a bad joke. But it's not. She stares back.

"...Okay. Uh, I think that's all I need, thank you."

Ema is not going to get that job. She's not going to get any of the jobs she's applied for since she escaped.

"You don't have to tell them what happened." Tom said. "You can lie. They won't know."

But Ema doesn’t want a job where she has to hide what happened. She also doesn’t want a job where everyone knows what happened to her. She doesn’t want to talk about it or think about it and she doesn’t want other people to talk about it or think about it, but she doesn’t want to hide it.

She doesn’t really want a job at all, right now. She always wanted to be a music teacher at some middle or high school, but her music hasn’t been very good lately. It’s been better, since she embraced that her music doesn’t have to sound beautiful, but it’s not near a quality where she would feel comfortable teaching others.

And she’d have to go back to school, anyway. She doesn’t have the money for that. She had scholarships, but they definitely don’t apply anymore. She’d have to get new music-based scholarships, and she can’t play music the way she used to, so she can’t go back to school.

Her life goal, the thing she’d been working towards for so long, is now impossible. Every job interview is a reminder that this is not what she wanted to be doing.

“What would you say is your greatest weakness?”

“I’m really bad at handling conflict and stress. I shut down.”

“Ah. Well, it was nice meeting you. We’ll be in contact.”

Ema will be lucky if she gets a rejection letter. Tom says that if she can’t work after what happened, that’s okay, and he can help her through the long and difficult process of getting disability payments. But that would require a diagnosis, and a diagnosis would require seeing more doctors or therapists and talking about what happened and, if she tries to get a PTSD diagnosis, how often she relives it, and then people will ask if she really can’t work or is just being lazy and all of that sounds worse than any job interview or possible job. So she tells him it’s fine.

“Can you lift 50 pounds or more?”

“No. I can’t reliably walk in a straight line either, and my grip strength is very weak.”

Ema has been feeling better since she started focusing on getting more of the vitamins she’s deficient in, but those things haven’t changed. They become more and more noticeable the more she tries to go back to living a normal life.

When not sending out her resume and attending job interviews, Ema has been spending a lot of time at a nearby music store, playing horrible music, trying to pretend she can still be the person she always wanted to be. That he didn’t ruin her entire life and body permanently and she’ll never be okay again-

The first time an employee came and tapped her on the shoulder, she was terrified they were going to kick her out for spending hours there without buying anything. But they just said hi, complimented her playing, and went back to work.

Over the course of weeks, the two spoke a few times. Nothing too deep, just small talk. Ema has learned that the employee’s name is Tina, that she’s 17, that she’s saving up for a car, and that she’s always chewing spearmint gum. And despite Ema never telling her, Tina has picked up on the fact that Ema doesn’t have a job, but needs one.

“Ema! Guess what?”

Ema doesn’t like being interrupted while playing, but she forces a friendly-ish smile. “What?”

“My co-worker is quitting! You could work here!”

“Oh, I’m not… I have a big gap in my resume, and I don’t have a degree, and I have neurological damage, so I have bad balance and grip strength. And I’m horrible at dealing with conflict. I doubt anyone will ever hire me.”

Tina pouts. “You don’t need balance or grip strength, it’s just the desk admin job. And I know what questions they ask in the interviews, and how to handle rude customers, so I can help you practice.”

Ema… wouldn’t hate working at a music store. But she shouldn’t get her hopes up. “I don’t have any experience with that.”

“It’s an entry level job, you don’t need experience. You should probably tell them you know how to use Excel, though.”

“I don’t.”

“Find a video online, it’s not that hard. And I can help, I have to use Excel for some of my projects at school.”

Tom’s been telling her that there’s nothing wrong with a little white lie in an interview or an application. And she knows the employees here already, if only a little, and she likes this place a lot. “Maybe. I guess it’s worth a shot.”

Tina grins. “That’s the spirit! I need to go do my job now, but I’ll give you some tips for the interview later, okay?”

Ema nods. Tom will be happy to hear that she’s willing to actually try, this time around.

A future is opening up in front of her. Not the big, all encompassing one from when she was a kid, where she became a teacher and won awards and learned to play every instrument in the world. A smaller one, where she goes to work at this desk admin job, then comes home and calls Tom to hang out if she feels up to it.

Everything she ever imagined her life would be is impossible now. Now, she starts to imagine something else.

[jesron]

Monster Roadtrip Hitchhiker Speculation/Wish List

I’ve been playing A LOT of Monster Roadtrip lately, and one of my favourite aspects about it are the hitchhikers and the conversations you can have with them While this series is usually so focused on its meta-aware humour and just sheer ridiculousness (and awfulness) of its characters, it’s honestly really interesting when they decide to shift focus on more down to earth and geniune moments for those characters. It’s honestly made me appreciate characters like Stu and Moss who I just thought of as nothing more than jokes, and showed that even they have more layers than one might have thought That’s not even mentioning all the things these convos do for the character that we already knew had a lot going on already. It’s just such a fun way to learn more about these insane characters (And also the lore? Which, I gotta be honest, I was not expecting this series to get into its own lore but I am eating it all up). The only problem is I wish there more hitchhikers to interact with... And so they’ve been releasing more of them! Via either free updates or paid DLCs, we’ve gotten even more of these guys to interact! We’ve got classics like Hope, entirely new characters like Adrien, and even Amira and Oz as hitchhikers  (At the time of me posting this, we’ll soon even be getting Brian and Vicky! My favourites of the original PCs so yay!) So, seeing as the team seems keen on giving us more hitchhikers via updates, I thought it’d be fun to speculate(dream out loud possible hitchikers we could meet on the road in the future 1: Faith 

The first Hitchhiker I immedaitely thought should be added was Faith. Can’t have the Coven with just two witches after all. Gotta complete the trio! Plus, since I feel Faith is the most down to earth member of the Coven, I’d love to hear her perspective on all the crazy magic stuff, foiling evil plans (and her evil alternate), and just in general all the weird stuff this group has gone through 2: The Interdimensional Prince

WE STILL DON’T EVEN KNOW THIS GUYS ACTUAL NAME! Like, we know just as the Interdimensional Prince. The hitchhiker convos are a great way to learn about the characters in this series, and oh boy do I want to learn the deal with this guy Also it’d be fun to learn if his goals of “Marry the first person he sees” have changed ever since the first game, especially seeing as character’s futures is a prevelent theme in Roadtrip 3: Batniss

(I did not realize her picture would be so small that’s adorable) Let’s move on over to Monster Camp! While Batniss was a bit of a joke character meant to take some jabs at common YA novel tropes in Camp, I think she could work spectacularly in Roadtrip Especially with the convos! Like, I’d love to learn what actually inspires this flying gremlin, it could easily turn a pretty obvious joke (just look at the name) into something a bit more interesting to dissect Also I bet her date ending polaroid would be really cute 4: Jerry 

(Okay so I guess these pictures I took were just smaller in general, go figure) I am honestly shocked Jerry wasn’t a hitchhiker in the base game Like, “dangerous hitchhiker” is a trope that fits this guy perfectly and I’d love to see how the team would play with that, mechanics wise anyways And yes he may be a bit antagonistic with a the threats od murder... and the actual murders... and everything that went on in that basement But still, he’s not... not a nice guy? So having convos with him could be a fun(?) way to learn what’s the deal with... you know, the murders

5: Jacqueline

Let’s round this wish list with some of the new characters introduced in Roadtrip! Jacqueline I’d say is definitively one of the break out stars of the new side characters, getting some pretty cool art shown off in the buildup of the game’s release and even getting her own Merkingdom style portrait Plus, with the convos we could learn a little more about the farm life in the Monster realm, since I can’t imagine that being easy at all... and I also really want to learn about her messed up side like that face made her infinitely scarier than Jerry in my book ye gods 6: Whiskey

While there were a lot of other characters I’d love to see explored more (Nu, Mamimi, and the Human from WTF comes to mind) I just love Whiskey so much you don’t even know The expression they gave him are amazing, his personality is magnificent, and just the general idea of him and his design make me love him I would love to get a date ending with this guy (could you imagine him and Juan getting together. That alone picture in my head justifies him in my eyes as a future hitchhiker) But yeah, those were some mons I’d love to see in the future of Roadtrip. I know some of them don’t have that high a chance of getting in as hitchhikers, but it’s fun to speculate still Would love to hear if there are any other suggestions for hitchhikers from the community

[lynn-does-stuff]

Please stay safe to all of my fellow central region friends!!!!!! We’re already getting tons of snow here and it feels like -20. Please use these tips, especially the blankets over the doors! We used to do it when we were younger a lot and much more sensitive to the cold.

If you have a basement, put a blanket up around the doorframe and then keep the door closed. The blanket will block the heat in the house from being able to go down into the basement. If you have any closets that are basically attics, do the same. I have a closet in my room that’s basically a properly floored attic, and it has a tiny window that isn’t sealed properly. It always gets cold in my room because of it, so the blanket helps there too. Putting blankets on your front and back doors is a great idea too, and if you have any rooms that you don’t frequent very often, like a closet that you don’t normally use every day, put blankets up there too. Better to keep the warmth where you’ll actually need it.

Don’t feel afraid or weird to wear outdoor winter gear indoors if necessary. If it gets cold enough, those gloves that you wear to shovel the snow will save you from getting frostbite in your kitchen. If it keeps you warm, it’s worth it.

You will likely lose power at some point during this snowstorm. I know we will, since we lose power all the time just because of high wind speeds. Because of this, plug in everything!! Plug in your phones, your laptops, your tablets, your Switches, your Nintendo 3Ds (because yeah, I still like playing my 3Ds leave me alone)… but also make sure you plug in any and all portable chargers. Because if you need to use your phone, you need to try to keep it charged, and that’s very hard to do without power. Additionally, the cold likes to sap power out of your devices, especially Apple products (truly a terrible thing), so having the portable chargers is a vital thing in the event you need to make any emergency calls or texts.

On the topic of electronics, however, use this as the opportunity to take an electronic break! Sit down as a family and play some board games! Some of my personal favorites include Catan, Ticket to Ride, and Carcassonne. Which, I know, most people don’t like BUT. I think they’re fun. Anyway, yes play some board games that you haven’t played in months or years! If you have a deck of cards or two, there’s tons and tons of games that you can play, from Solitare to a full blown game of Mafia (or Werewolf, depending on which version you learned). If you really don’t like board games or don’t have anyone to play with, try participating in a hobby. I’m an artist, but I rarely have time to truly sit down and draw, so I’ll definitely be utilizing this snowed-in time. You could try drawing, writing, playing music on an instrument, crafting something, reading a good book or two (I have some fantasy and sci-fi recommendations for anyone interested), or even cooking! But be careful, because depending on what kind of kitchenware you have, you may not be able to do a whole lot of cooking.

Your oven can be a heat source, but don’t just leave it running. I can’t speak for electric ovens because I don’t have one, but my family has a… pretty old gas oven, and while it doesn’t necessarily leak gas, it sometimes smells like it, so we don’t like to keep it on longer than necessary. If you plan on keeping warm using your oven, try to actually cook something. I have tons and tons and tons of cookie recipes for anyone interested!!

The last thing I’m gonna add onto this already great snowstorm PSA post is to not panic. I know, for a lot of people who’ve never experienced this kind of weather before, this can be pretty crazy stuff. But I promise, you will get through it. It’s important to stay safe, and it’s also important to stay entertained (because trust me, while we may not ACTUALLY die from boredom, we’ll feel pretty close to it).

Good luck everyone!!!

There’s a nasty winter storm that’s going to hit most of the central regions of the US tomorrow (21 December 2022), especially tomorrow night. Please check your local forecasts if you live anywhere east of the rocky mountains, even down as far south as Texas. In some areas of the Plains region, windchill is likely to be -50F to -70F. That is so cold that you will develop frostbite in minutes. You will lose extremities without protection if you are exposed to windchill that cold. -70F is “surface of Mars” cold.

My part of the US is going to be below freezing all next week. This is normal for some. Not so normal for others.

If your area is likely to be impacted by the storm, please prepare now. The most important thing is staying warm and staying inside until things warm up outside. Specific tips I can offer, as somebody who regularly deals with cold winters are:

Put blankets over windows and doors. This will help your house retain heat.

Stay well-fed. Buy food now. You will get hungry faster because your body will burn calories to stay warm.

Stay hydrated. If your lips are chapped you’re probably dehydrated.

Stay dry. Remove wet clothing as soon as possible. It is better to be naked than wet when it is cold.

If it is going to get below freezing for more than an hour or two, run your water at a trickle or drip to prevent your pipes from bursting. The colder it gets the faster your pipes will freeze.

Here’s the weather forecast for this storm:

[stumblingthoughts]

Teachers, and the space between.

I wasn’t going to write today, but I find my energy has returned to me now at 8pm so I may as well clock in.

In my life I have been blessed with some extraordinary teachers. I often wonder whether I have been especially blessed in this regard, or whether I lie roughly in the average but that I value my teachers more. I have always had a strangely strong bond with teachers, going back to about 3 or 4 years old. For whatever reason, I seemed to be a favourite of those early teachers, and rightly or wrongly they made that known. Subsequently as I’ve met my next teachers, all the way up to the present, I seem to look at them with wide eyes, foreseeing a potentially two-way relationship where perhaps some of my peers simply saw “authority” or “discipline”.

This predisposition benefits me greatly to this day. Even if I look back to early adolescence I have seen exceptional reward from coaches, teachers and older students who look to take me under their wing in one small way or another. Every time as this relationship flowers, I feel as if a small hidden truth is being mystically revealed to me and only me. It really is a privileged position, one which I am not sure that I deserve, but one that I nonetheless cannot pass up.

When I was about 16 years old, I began to assistant coach in the sport I played as an adolescent. I was exceptionally meek and quiet for months, terrified to project my voice to a small group of 11 or 12 year olds. Once again, I was blessed with patient and sincere mentors who guided me through these early days.

A few months into this journey, our team went to a tournament. We travelled off to a town about an hour away to play a few teams. There were only 2 games, and in the break in between another game was to take place. I discovered that from our club, another team was present. Ever the workaholic, I went over to the coach of that team and asked if I could help out. To my surprise, he immediately told me to lead them in the warmup, and then to coach the game. This coach, we’ll call him Tom, dropped me immediately in the deep end. After this, he became my coaching mentor. I stopped going to the other team’s trainings and began going only to Tom’s team’s. Instead of being guided along like a toddler learning to walk, I was being thrown in like a gladiator in the colosseum. It was an exhilarating feeling.

After only a couple weeks, Tom challenged me to make a coaching plan for half of the training session. For that 45 minutes, he just watched, and didn’t interrupt.

I probably sucked. In fact, I definitely sucked. But on that day I learned more about coaching than I had learned in months with the other team.

I’ll attempt to draw us back to some kind of conclusion, because I could genuinely talk about this for a long time.

I haven’t coached for years, and I do miss it. It’s an itch that I can never quite scratch. Even the idea of becoming socially confident wouldn’t get close, because at no time in our day to day lives is there the opportunity to instruct and lead and demonstrate and explain in the same way.

Recently, however, an opportunity to teach at the institution I work at has revealed itself. As my mind has predictably digested every potential scenario, I have realised that I have a real passion for teaching. Maybe in a few weeks or months or years I’ll be over it, but if my coaching career is anything to go by, maybe I won’t. What’s important to note, however, is that had I gone back to coaching, I would not have the time or space to take this on. A good friend of mine once counselled me to take what I had learned from that time in my life, and use it constructively to push ahead in a new direction. My temptation had always been to go back, and I feel many people may relate to this.

Perhaps, looking back in a few years, I may see that the years between my coaching days ending and my teaching days starting were an important time to reset and prepare me for the new path ahead. It has certainly reset the hunger I can now feel, the hunger that drives me now to jump in head first and make this happen. If I were coaching now, maybe I would let this opportunity slide, or wouldn’t quite grab it by the horns in the same way.

If I could dare to try to extract some kind of lesson (definitely not counting my chickens here), perhaps all periods of “not having” are vital for the success of the periods of “having”. Perhaps the void prepares you for the universe in a way that the universe can’t. Would we live as boldly if we knew we’d be living forever?

[hismercytomyjustice]

Alack, I finished work too late to nap. 😭

Now I play the dangerous game of trying to stay awake while also hoping and praying I don’t get a second wind…

Also my therapist murdered me today. T_T It was a very good session, but DAMN she laid out some truth bombs.

We’re working on some light exposure therapy now on a potential obsession/compulsion we’re trying to verify. Nothing too intense, but it’s my first real time doing it so we’ll see how it goes.

Apparently there’s also ICBT that’s tailored specifically toward folks with autism and OCD, so that’s pretty cool.

I had a formal Autism assessment a few months ago that kind of came back inconclusive. The administrator had been considering the diagnosis but her supervisor said I wasn’t showing Autism signs in enough areas in my life.

The assessor and my therapist both feel there’s a chance that I do have it though. My therapist told me today she felt I checked enough boxes, but she’s not a specialist in Autism.

Part of the difficulty is that ADHD, OCD, and Autism all massively overlap. ESPECIALLY OCD and Autism (see pic below).

So I’ve kind of been in limbo. I have two professionals saying it’s a maybe, but nothing definitive. If I don’t have it, my ADHD and OCD align in such a way that it mimics it pretty well.

The thing is, I’ve been told I’m REALLY good at masking by my therapist. I also score really high for masking on assessments. I think if I’d done this assessment in high school, there’s a chance I would’ve gotten the diagnosis without any doubts involved. But am I ADHD masking, Autism masking, or both?

Was I just an anxious, socially awkward kid who only needed practice interacting with people? Or did I just learn to mask/camouflage?

My therapist said she’s going to look more into what indicates autism vs OCD, but it’s not an easy thing to do. Folks are often misdiagnosed because of how similar they can be.

She also suggested we create my own venn diagram like the above with my personal experiences/traits to see if we can tease more of it all out into the open.

I’m kind of a late diagnosed OCD and ADHD person. I’ve spent a lot of time over the past few months trying to better understand what I can attribute to ADHD, OCD, both, or neither so I can be mentally healthier and develop strategies accordingly.

I am really excited about the therapy homework she’s given me on this front because there’s a chance my need to verify whether or not I have Autism is being caused by my OCD. It’s a vicious cycle of “I’m pretty confident I have it and I have multiple professionals telling me it’s a possibility” to “I don’t want to accidentally co-opt something that isn’t true and be one of those mental illness/disorder/etc fakers” and around and around we go!

Thankfully it’s not leading to full blown distressing thoughts or anything. It’s more just frustrating/annoying not knowing for sure.

And the thing is, there’s a lot of healthy coping techniques that can suddenly become unhealthy if the OCD gets ahold of them. It’s normal to look for reassurance or to want answers for something like this. It can just be a fine line to walk.

My therapist told me today that one of the difficult things about OCD is that the obsessions have a hint of truth to them. Like, it’s very important to me not to claim something I don’t have because I know how fucked up that can be and how it makes it harder for people who actually do have it to get the help they need. That is a true statement. But am I just trying to be aware of that and to respect the community? Or am I working myself into an OCD loop over whether or not I’m a bad person if I could be mistaken that I have Autism?

I was talking to her too about how helpful it’s been to work through this stuff via journaling. I journal off and on, but doing it on tumblr makes it easier to not overthink it or expect too much of myself.

I feel like I’ve been learning a lot about myself though, so I’m glad for that.

Now back to trying to stay awake…