#(The set is for sale online right now but I can’t afford it and I have no use for it)

[marzipanandminutiae]

The Handmaid’s Tale: this is an event venue in Washington DC!

Me: that is very clearly Casa Loma

Me: I can recognize the hallway that they also used as the hotel hallway in Crimson Peak

Me: and I have that stained glass ceiling in my blog header

Me: you’re not fooling anyone

[honeytonedhottie]

how to be rich and luxurious⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🌺

we must first understand that being rich is a state of mind. you could be broke and not poor. never poor. poor is a state of mind. and that choice that u make to be rich or poor is ultimately yours cuz u control ur thoughts.

so how do we radiate luxury and become luxurious? through having luxurious thoughts. we know that what we think manifests so lets think things that make us richer in every aspect of our lives. 

LUXURY IS AN ENERGY ; 

when you exude the energy of luxury, YOU’LL ALWAYS BE LUXURIOUS. the luxury that u exude will manifest. thoughts manifest. have luxurious thoughts -> a luxurious reality WILL manifest. its rly that simple ✨

CULTIVATING LUXURY ENERGY ; 

u cultivate luxury energy, like i mentioned before, through luxury thoughts. but if ur not used to thinking luxury thoughts/have a lack or poverty mindset, here are some affirmations to start and guide thinking. 

im grateful that im so abundant and rich in the things that i love

im like barbie cuz i have more then enough of everything

i have SO much, that i can bless others with my riches

i live my life lavishly

you can cultivate luxury by doing things that make u feel rich and luxurious. some things that help me to feel that way are. 

drinking drinks from a designated cup or wine-glass 

silky robes are EVERYTHING. or wearing lingerie and matching bra and panty sets

consistently practicing self care every single day 

wearing jewelry 

ofc everyone has different things that make them feel rich and different classifications for what luxury is and isn’t and that’s your choice to make ultimately. 

i recommend making a list of what makes u feel luxurious and doing that often. literally when i go to costco or a whole-sale store and have free samples i feel luxurious 😭 bcuz im INDULGING. 

that goes to show that u dont need to do the most to feel luxurious right at this moment. and that leads me to my next point. 

INDULGE YOURSELF ; 

don’t deny yourself the things that u desire and the things that you want. if u want ur fun little drink, have ur fun little drink. get ur nails done, take urself shopping every now and then. if u can’t afford to get these done, do it yourself. 

you have the ability to make yourself feel special and luxurious. the idea to this is to cultivate the feeling of being rich or the feeling of abundance and luxury. 

start a collection that you can have a lot of, change the perspective in which u see the things that u already own. kind of like seeing a cup have full then a cup half empty? 

THINGS TO BE RICH IN ; 

be rich in knowledge, be rich in culture, be rich in relationships, be rich in beauty. be rich in whatever interests that u might have. 

to be rich in knowledge -> seek higher education, study, read lots of books, start writing and seeking knowledge in whatever interests you 

to be rich in culture -> learn more about ur own culture and the culture of other people. explore and educate yourself on religion and customs that interest you. be well versed in another language or in something that’s important in todays media and pop culture

to be rich in relationships -> don’t close yourself up to meaningful relationships that you have. don’t take everything seriously and practice being social. 

to be rich in beauty -> take impeccable care of yourself and your body. pamper yourself every single day and pick up habits that serve the highest good for your appearance. 

to be rich in ur interests -> become well versed as i said before in whatever it is that interests you. there are countless resources online that can help give you information and direction on going about ur interests. 

[roguemaki]

Hey! I hope your week is going great :)

Like everyone else, i wanted to send you a heartfelt thank you for your immense efforts and time that you take out of your day to translate and type set these interviews and videos.

It always brightens my day when i get a notification from you and i know I’m in for a treat so it’s really truly appreciated from our end 🙏🏼

I was also wondering that when the asticassia school assembly BD comes out, if you could consider uploading it somewhere so that people who can’t purchase it would be able to watch it as well? I was really looking forward to seeing the VAs performance on stage and also some of the comedic moments like Suletta rapping but unfortunately, money is a bit tight for me right now. 😞

If you could consider it that would be awesome but if you rather not do jt, that’s totally fine as well :)

I also wanted to ask for your advice regarding learning japanese. I took some classes in college but haven’t kept up with it. Do you know any resources that you felt were really helpful to you when you were learning the language? I really want to dedicate myself to it this time! I’d really appreciate any tips, thank you! :)

Hey hey~ I actually got some fantastic news at work, so my week's off to a great start. :3

And you're very welcome! Thank you for enjoying and supporting my TLs.

I pre-ordered the School Assembly BD and am planning to subtitle it in parts, similarly to how I'm doing the Ep 24 Character Commentary… but for an upload of the full thing, I have to be more circumspect: I'll post when the rip is available and give contact info so interested folks can reach out directly. Just trying to avoid getting Eye of Sauron'd by Bandai-Namco, lol.

Regarding Japanese study: we're in similar boats! I also took classes in college and got back into serious self-study after not practicing for a while.

Here are some self-study resources I find useful:

For daily Japanese practice…

Renshuu for vocabulary and grammar. WaniKani for learning kanji. Ringotan for kana and kanji writing practice.

Renshuu is a site (also available in convenient app form) for building up vocabulary and grammar with quizzes, games, and community activities. It's by-and-large free - premium provides some enhancements (like more listening/pitch tools), but isn't necessary for most of the content. WaniKani is a fantastic resource for learning kanji. They use some truly memorable mnemonics to teach radicals/vocabulary and schedule lessons/reviews in a way that promotes real retention. Give Levels 1-3 a try since they're free, and if you like the teaching method, a lifetime premium sub is reasonably affordable when it goes on sale (like on Black Friday). I use Ringotan, a free phone app, to supplement WaniKani (which is focused on reading/recognition) with writing practice.

Other resources/tools...

Install Yomitan, an in-line dictionary extension, on your browser.

Dokusho Bookclub is a site for finding reading materials targeting specific JLPT levels.

Out of the many resources available on YouTube, I want to highlight Kaname Naito's channel - he teaches in depth vocabulary and grammar used in actual conversational Japanese.

I have a routine of always doing my "dailies" and just try to read/watch/play as much Japanese media as possible... Thankfully there's so much good stuff available online nowadays. :>

Hope you find something useful for you in this list. Good luck with your studies!

[at-the-end-of-days]

Where are we headed?

We are headed towards a cashless society, where every sale and purchase is tightly monitored by the government.

Where everyone’s travel is tightly monitored by the government.

Let’s start here.

If anyone drives in London, one of the hundreds of cameras placed there will get a snapshot of their license plate. Not to try and get them for speeding, but to just see whether they were driving at all. Driving in London is now the privilege of the rich, those who can afford to buy the newest, shiniest vehicles.

And of course, while there is an ongoing shortage for parts, while manufacturing is limited… while waiting for a part to come in, from a car to a fridge is now taking months. Cars cost more. Lending rates are high.

So a privilege now is costing the common people a ridiculous sum in London just to drive around.

But this isn’t where it will stop, of course.

This is just a precursor of what is to come.

Limiting people’s travel means they have to stay in the same place. Cars are now a commodity of the rich. Which ensures what when the world war begins? Right. That people won’t immediately flee city centers. That they can’t AFFORD the mass exodus. And even if they could, where would they go? This is just another form of control, a far reach of the government. And sure, for now, it’s just London. But you want to drive in your car? Your van? You have to pay the tax, or get caught by one of the multitude of cameras and pay a ridiculously high penalty.

So you know what? Good for these guys.

Good for them, because while I agree with wanting to lower emissions? Clean air? You can’t just tax the poor when the cost of living is through the roof. Without replacing their modes of transportation without solid public works in place to replace this. You have to HELP your fellow man.

2 million people in the London area are paying the per day cost to drive in the city. 220,000 tickets issued. So far, as of September 4th, 2023.

And for what? Cleaner air? People still have to drive, work, live, get groceries. 2 million people, still drive. All this does is HURT those who can’t.

And set a precedent for the government to watch their people. To limit travel. And I doubt other governments aren’t taking note of what London is doing, how much push back they’re getting, how far they can take it. Sure, today, it’s tickets.

But when is it used for even more nefarious purposes? And this is nefarious. What about the older people? Mobility issues? There has to be a solid transportation system in place. What about grocery runs? Guess you can only get exactly what you can carry. Want to buy something big? Too big for you to easily carry out of a store and onto the nearest bus or subway? Too bad, order it online. Which means more documentation for what people are buying, where they are going.

And if a world war fully breaks out? There will definitely be a rationing system put into place.

A cashless society is coming.

And what does that mean?

It means that we switch from ATMs, checks, to digital, digital, digital.

Where every purchase you make is recorded, from the time, to the place, to the amount. What did you buy? An eternal receipt.

Sure, this affects things like drug dealers, it limits an illegal use of funds. But it also limits parents slipping their kids pocket money. It limits you loaning a friend twenty bucks. It means every purchase, every exchange? Everything? Can be taxed. Traced.

Forget loaning your friend twenty dollars, now it’s 17.30 after tax.

Want the money back? Will you expect your full 20? Or will your friend send 17.30, which is now 15.80 by the time it gets back to you?

The government can tax it all.

And watch it all.

And can stop purchases it doesn’t like.

Rationing.

And sure, in America the FedNow has only just rolled out.

But banks are closing.

And everything is gearing up for the inevitable.

A cashless society.

A society where the government watches everything.

Revelations 13, the New International Version.

15 The second beast was given power to give breath to the image of the first beast, so that the image could speak and cause all who refused to worship the image to be killed. 16 It also forced all people, great and small, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hands or on their foreheads, 17 so that they could not buy or sell unless they had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of its name.

Now, I don’t think this is happening today, or tomorrow. I don’t think this is happening next year either. That’s skipping a lot of steps. These things will happen in an order, according to the word of GD.

But I do think we’re seeing the foundation of this inevitability.

And no, I don’t think it’s a literal tattoo of a number. But a credit card? A microchip?

Oh, absolutely. It’s my belief that eventually, everyone will get this implanted. And that the chip will not only be a credit card, but will act as a tracking device. A method of control.

But not until after another Great War.

Until all the other things that were spoken of, come to pass. And odds are? I won’t live to see this come to fruition. Why should I be any better than any other man to presume I will live to see this occur? But I think we’re seeing the ground work for it.

[just6f]

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[cyberloops]

I think it’s not just pandemic fatigue that’s been making it hard for me to work lately. I think I’ve been feeling disconnected from my music. I keep sitting down with a guitar or at my keyboard and noodling around. Lately I just haven’t been able to sit down and open up Acid or any other DAW and start fiddling around in there.

I was thinking about using my stimulus money to finally take the plunge and actually buy some equipment. Up until now the only real equipment I’ve bought are things like keyboards that plug into computers that I already own, and software to do things with it. But there’s a disconnect. There’s a layer of abstraction between me and the sounds I’m making.

I tried to see if I could solve that by making my own digital synths, so I downloaded Synthedit and played around with it a while back... but all it really did was make me want to get into making actual modular synths, not just emulating them. And in the long run, that’s a hell of a deep rabbit hole for me to fall into, both in terms of time, space in my house, and money.

I’ve spent most of my life on the edge of poverty, so the idea of just... spending money on something that I want is completely foreign to me. I know in my head that I have the money. It’s there to be spent. I can afford it. I can’t afford actual vintage synths, of course, those are way too *&%ing expensive. I also don’t have much space in the house, since both my spouse and I had to set up an office in the house during the pandemic. The space on my desk next to my computer keyboard where I was going to put my small MIDI keyboard is now taken up by my work computer. The room that was supposed to become half art studio for my spouse and half recording studio for me is now half office, and the drawing table and the spare desk that were supposed to be for our personal use are shoved in the corners. So whatever I buy will have to be small.

But the last couple of days I’ve been looking at what’s there. Looking at what’s within my price range. I don’t expect to spend thousands on a modular synth right off the bat, hell, I’d barely know what to do with it. But I think I can afford a small setup. Something that I don’t have to boot up and start a program and fight with audio drivers to use. Something that I don’t have to stop playing, go back, listen to the track, and click with a mouse to add points where I want to raise or lower one single attribute at a time.

I think if I start with a couple of cheap Behringer analog clones, I can at least get some bass and drums for pretty cheap, then figure out what else I want from there. It looks like the TR-3 and RD-6 are coming out in new colors, so I can even get them in purple. (which is generally the first question I have when I’m deciding whether to get something. Does it come in purple?) A decent synth that can do polyphony for chords will be a little difficult to find in my price range, I might have to settle for something like the Yamaha CS or DX Reface for that. (Yes, I know that the Korg Volca FM is half the price, and is a great imitation of the DX... but it only has 3 note polyphony. I like having the option to make richer chords, or to have a solo or bass line in the same instrument going while I do chords with the other hand.) And I definitely want at least one decent analog synth, but anything within my price range is only going to be monophonic, or like the Korg Volca line, they won’t have enough polyphony to do more than three note chords. The only decent ones that are polyphonic are generally over 300 dollars, and even with the stimulus money, I’m not sure I can justify spending that much on something that will likely not earn me any real money. And on top of everything else, just getting a decent multi-track recorder will probably cost as much, if not more, than a small synth. Most of the ones that are under 300 dollars will only record two tracks at a time, which won’t work well if I’m trying to hook up 3-4 synths and maybe a microphone. I’ve got a few spare speakers around the house that I could probably use as a monitor, so at least I’ve got that covered. (I hope. I haven’t actually plugged any of those speakers into anything in years, who knows what condition they’re in?)

On top of all of that, my spouse is trying to find an excuse to actually use the art table, and so we’re thinking about also using their half of our stimulus money to get a couple of webcams to stream video of them doing art. So if I do set up a small live synth studio in the desk in that room, we can stream together, with me making music on one screen, and my spouse drawing on another.

Over the last decade or so, I’ve been so afraid to actually spend any money. And for probably 8 out of those last 10 years, for good reason. I genuinely couldn't afford to. I only have an electric guitar because it went on sale and was incredibly cheap. I only have an effects pedal for it because I got lucky and found a halfway decent one that had multiple functions on sale used. I only have a full sized MIDI keyboard because my spouse gave it to me as a combined birthday/christmas present. But not being able to spend money just to survive meant that I couldn’t afford to get the things that I need in order to really live, and not just survive. I need musical instruments that I can touch and feel and use. But I think right now I also need to set up a spreadsheet and figure out what I can actually afford.

... anyway, I realized I got to the end of this huge rant and never mentioned anything about the piece I just uploaded. Short version - I was trying to use digital instruments similar to the sort of things I was looking at buying, and seeing what kind of music I could make by just quickly working up a sound and  a couple simple loops for them. So one of the basses is just a pretty generic synth that happens to have a sequencer that is similar to some of the analog synths I was looking at. The other is a digital clone of the TB-303, which is also similar to one of the synths I was looking at. I only used one drum machine synth on this one, since I can’t justify buying more than one when I start this physical setup. And the solo, chords, and arpeggios were all using similar sorts of synths to the real ones I’ve been looking at and researching online lately. All of the loops that I would have put into a sequencer while using a physical synth setup were the ones that I went into the MIDI files and manually quantized everything to match exactly what I would have done with a sequencer. For the solo lines and a few other sections I only fiddled with the MIDI timing enough to fix any errors due to input lag. And I tried to throw in a few tweaks to the synth settings on the fly like playing with the filter or whatnot, y’know, the kind of thing that I’d literally be able to do with one hand while I’m playing with the other if these synths were actually sitting on the desk in front of me. But of course I had to actually do those afterward with the mouse, since I didn’t have the actual synths in front of me, with actual knobs and sliders that I could touch.

[antoine-roquentin]

Harold Cruse, in his uneven but at turns insightful 1967 polemic, The Crisis of the Negro Intellectual, wrote that “no literary or cultural movement today can be truly and effectively radical unless it presents a definitive critique of the entire cultural apparatus of America.” This line comes to mind whenever I read any of the recent wave of declarations of a new Black Renaissance, which tend to be rooted in the visibility (fame), white institutional acknowledgment (award nominations), and compensation (book sales, TV and film deals) of a select few rather than in any collective progress or societal shift. This supposed renaissance seems manufactured, bought and paid for, distinctly establishment. It has co-opted the language of radicalism and revolution without any of the moral underpinnings.

Cruse’s observations reverberated during the culture wars of the 1980s and ’90s. Thirty years ago, both Cornel West and Henry Louis Gates Jr. reshaped notions of the Black public intellectual and the scholar as celebrity. They joined forces at Harvard University in the hope of reinvigorating the public significance of Black intellectual culture just as some of the more gnostic ideas of race, identity, and culture (signifying, anti-essentialism, intersectionality) gained pop-cultural significance. The “Black Renaissance” of the ’80s and ’90s went by a variety of names, but was best captured by Trey Ellis’s “new black aesthetic,” an attempt to capture the rise of Black writers, artists, and musicians emerging in the wake of left-leaning, nationalistic Black cultural politics.

Gates and West were as much a part of this movement as more recognizable figures like Spike Lee and and musical acts like Public Enemy. Indeed, the professors parlayed their unprecedented visibility into conventional academic metrics of success, like programs and centers. But they also appeared frequently on talk shows, signed commercial book deals, made rap albums and movie appearances, and eventually produced television shows. Was their use of the celebrity spotlight an abandonment of Cruse’s “radical critique,” or was it an important front in an ongoing culture war? Or something in between?

Looked at from the vantage of 2021, academic celebrity — hypervisibility and mainstream popularity — has shifted the metric by which we measure intellectual success. Over the years, our Black celebrity intellectuals have tended to measure success by what white people value.

White people can afford the titillating delusion of Black radicalism and renaissance — they traffic in Black celebrity intellectuals and mascots, whom they promote to validate their own moral innocence as well as their bona fides as allies. It’s almost literally the least they can do. They can also use these mascots to antagonize and browbeat their “bad” white counterparts. It’s a tired act, but it makes for profitable theater.

But Black mascots excite Black people only so much, which explains the vastly different reactions I get from friends and colleagues by race. Many of the white ones are eager and beaming when they discuss the Amanda Gormans (and non-Black minorities like Lin-Manuel Mirandas) of the world. My Black friends and colleagues are far more cynical and frustrated. Their prevailing sentiment is that we have too much to lose to continue to indulge silliness and empty symbolism. They want collective improvement for Black Americans, not an invitation to root for a metaphorical hero in the latest media-generated movie. They want tangible change, not abstract renaissance.

The new Black Renaissance specializes in shallow personal investigations of identity, television shows and movies marked by clunky dialogue and heavy-handed storylines that seem lifted straight from social media. The Black public intellectuals and establishment radicals specialize in nebulous catchphrases: T-shirt fodder like “Black Excellence” and “Black Girl Magic” (which is also a bottle of wine now), and mumbo jumbo like “Black Abundance.” These slogans and hashtags, which can’t withstand the slightest scrutiny, seem tailored for use in dull online culture wars.

Add to that stockpile “go where you are valued, not where you are tolerated.” It’s a damned good quip. Never mind that it’s tone-deaf advice when most Black people lack the option of mobility — and rarely find any evidence of being valued. The quip and the clapback are what’s most prized online. Nuance isn’t just an inconvenience — it’s unwelcome.

It’s no mystery that the discourse, around race, Blackness, progress, politics, policy, is stultified. In step with the right, the left has leaned hard into the politics of identitarian grievance and resentment. Sloganeering plays better than serious intellectual interrogation, as do controversies that give the audience the vicarious thrill of victory over perceived enemies. Traditionally reputable media outlets increasingly default to puff pieces and Access Hollywood-style profiles of individual Black “creatives.” This neoliberal take on conservative exceptionalism highlights the accomplishments of a handful, sans context. Declarations of a renaissance are preferable to investigating the plight of the collective. In this way, the sensibilities of the white gatekeepers and white audience mold and constrict the field of Black thought. When they’re handing out Pulitzers for Black meditations on mustaches, you get down or lay down.

This has created a bottleneck effect among Black public intellectuals, who are competing to make the same obvious points about the most accessible issues, and to argue passionately against the most extreme foils. It incentivizes shamelessness, self-promotion, and shallow discourse. Self-critique has fallen by the wayside. For example, when Patrisse Cullors, a co-founder of the Black Lives Matter movement, offered her dubious rationalizations about buying up millions of dollars of personal real estate despite being a Marxist, the Black-public-intellectual class was nowhere to be found. I saw a couple of softball interviews, including one in which an apologist dismissed the very legitimate criticism and questions about integrity and misallocation of resources as right-wing attacks that surfaced because “we’re winning.” Never mind that some of the criticism came from the families of victims of police murder. If this is what winning looks like, how do I quit the team?

As traditional institutions and political processes fail us, we turn with greater frequency to reality-show-styled celebrity figures to seek vicarious victories in place of the policy changes that result in legitimate collective uplift. The slogans and hashtags entrench us in the politics of resentment. They offer little more than schadenfreude. Those who use intersectionality as a cudgel conveniently forget that many things can be true at once. Instead, they lean into a selective, opportunistic, Manichean morality: If you are against ___, you must agree with the bad person on the other side. And so the foil sets the agenda.

[iffeelscouldkill]

say what we wanna do, make it all come true (chapter 1)

A/N: It is! My fic for the Fiction Podcast Big Bang @podcastbigbang! I am a bit terrified to be posting this after working on it for so long! Also this is in the running for the Longest TSCOSI Fic I’ve Written So Far (not sure if it’s the longest because I don’t remember where my wordcount is up to for Adjusting, but like... it’s long, guys). This is Chapter 1 of 3, and the remaining chapters will be posted weekly!

You can read this on AO3 where the formatting is honestly much better, but here it is on Tumblr anyway. Also, please check out the FANTASTIC artwork made for this fic by the wonderful @bluereadingdolphin and @demonic-kitkats, who are my artists for this fic and their artwork is so good, you guys, I’m in love and they did such a phenomenal job with the honestly pretty vague info they got from me 😂 

bluereadingdolphin’s piece

demonic-kitkat’s piece (from Chapter 2!)

Please give them all the love!

Content warnings: There is a relatively brief physical altercation described in this chapter, but it isn’t graphic or bloody.

Also, I play a little fast and loose with POV in this; the first section is told from Sana’s perspective, the rest from Arkady’s.

---

“Hello and welcome back to Radio Indie, Folk and Techno, also known as RIFT, where we play all the bands that matter outside of the mainstream! I’m Piper Tanaka, and I’m your co-host for this programme! I’m joined as usual by the lovely Kestrel Colvin, with Reina Sakamachi in the booth! Now – where were we?”

“You were introducing our guests for this next section,” Kestrel replied in a slightly despairing tone.

“Right! Indie fans, I am joined today by two members of the fabulous up-and-coming indie band Rumor! With me in the studio are frontwoman and lead guitarist Sana Tripathi—”

“Hey! It’s a pleasure to be here.”

“—and bad girl bassist Arkady Patel.”

“Bad girl?” Arkady repeated, sounding halfway between taken aback and annoyed. Kestrel just shook her head.

“Ignore her. She’s got a thing for a certain… aesthetic.”

Next to Arkady, Sana was doing an incredibly poor job of hiding her laughter. “It’s the combat boots,” she whispered to Arkady.

“These are practical,” Arkady told her in a tone that suggested they’d had this conversation a few times. Sana said nothing, but straightened back up with a smirk.

“Sana — or should I call you ‘Captain’?” Piper began playfully. Sana grimaced.

“In hindsight, it was a poor choice to share that nickname in an interview.”

“You know, I think it suits you,” said Piper. “There’s something commanding about your aura. Sana, you and the band — which I understand you and Arkady originally started as a duo a few years ago—”

“That’s right,” Sana confirmed.

“You’ve always had a dedicated and loyal following, even from your early days — and we’re proud to have been playing your music here on this station for almost as long — but I think it’s fair to say the past few months have seen that rocket to a whole new level,” Piper said. “You got signed to a record label belonging to the mysterious but notoriously discerning Red Gregor, are working on your second album, and played a major gig at the CUI stadium just a few weeks ago. And we are definitely going to talk later about what went down at that gig, which is already the stuff of online legend — but first I want to backtrack a little, because I think the moment that everything started happening for you was when you added a new member to your band. In the middle of a gig, if the rumours are true. Can you tell us how that happened?”

Sana and Arkady exchanged a sidelong glance, and Arkady gave Sana a tiny nod. Sana took a deep breath, and began to tell the story.

---

“Jeeter, for the last time, put the keytar away,” Arkady said irritably as she and Sana entered the draughty, abandoned warehouse that the band was using as their current rehearsal space. The acoustics were pretty weird, probably due to all the broken windows, but it was otherwise hard to beat a free place to rehearse — especially a free place with no asshole neighbours who would yell at them to turn it down and threaten to call the cops.

Admittedly, it was in kind of a rough area, but Arkady had only needed to knock someone unconscious with her bass once.

In retaliation, Brian played another bright riff on his beloved instrument, accompanied by some jazzy keyboard chords from Krejjh. The two had been jamming together before Arkady and Sana arrived. “Dude, c’mon, can’t you hear how good this sounds?” Brian wheedled. “How many other indie bands do you know that have a keytar?”

“None. For good reason,” Arkady said, unzipping her case and slinging her bass around her neck. Sana, unpacking the sound equipment, smiled in fond amusement at their well-worn argument.

“It would give us such a great edge! Totally unique. And Krejjh and I have so many ideas that would sound great with both instruments—”

“Okay, Jeeter,” Arkady interrupted him, twiddling one of her tuning pegs. “You can play the keytar. Just as soon as you find us someone else who can play the drums.” She stooped to plug her bass into the portable amplifier that Sana had just unpacked. “Or are you planning to grow an extra pair of hands so you can play both at once?”

“Oooh! No, I should have an extra pair of hands!” Krejjh immediately (and predictably) enthused. “Then I’d sound four times as awesome! Four hands, all rockin’ out!”

“I think you mean ‘twice as awesome’,” Sana told them, as Brian reluctantly put away his keytar and picked up his neglected drumsticks.

“With me, twice the hands equals four times the awesome,” Krejjh replied with irrefutable logic. Brian laughed and held up a hand.

“Dude, high five.”

Sana waited for the two of them to finish their congratulatory high-five before she called the band to order. “Okay, guys — remember that we’re only a few days out from our gig at the IGR Corp function, so we need to have our crowd-pleasers up to standard.”

Arkady immediately wrinkled her nose. “Ugh, corporates. Why are we taking money from them again?”

“Because we need to pay for rent and food,” Sana said, bluntly. “And they’re giving us a lot for it. I know none of us love playing corporate gigs—”

“Understatement.”

“—but we are living a hand to mouth existence at this point, and if I can guarantee our survival as a band by relieving some corporates of their excess funds, then I’m going to do just that,” Sana continued. She waited a beat, and then added, “Also, we’re gonna let them get really drunk and then start playing our best anti-capitalist anthems, and see how long it takes for them to notice.”

Arkady broke into a shit-eating grin. “That’s more like it.” Krejjh cheered, and Brian did a little run-down on his drumkit, hitting each of the drums in turn.

“All right, let’s start with ‘Fear for the Storm’? One, two, three, four…” Sana started strumming the intro on her guitar, joined after a few beats by Krejjh’s melody on the keyboard.

“So long, can’t dodge the dawn, red light shines on and on and on and on and on…”

---

Arkady had been on edge ever since the band set foot in the agonisingly hipster office complex — excuse me, ‘headquarters’ — belonging to IGR Corp.

It wasn’t just the fact that these guys were extremely corporate corporates, or that the whole place radiated an almost aggressively minimalist aesthetic, or that the walls were covered in bullshit, chipper slogans that were all fancy ways of saying, ‘Work should be your existence – if isn’t, you’re dead to us’ — although those things sure as hell didn’t help, reminding her of the absolute worst parts of every soul-sucking corporate job she’d worked before Sana mercifully re-entered her life and suggested they form a band.

No, there was just this weird vibe, like everyone was super on edge and trying to hide it — the higher-ups were stone-faced, muttering into earpieces or barking orders at underlings, who scurried, terrified, to carry out their wishes. And everyone else, from the tech types in plain white T-shirts and jeans to the smartly-dressed sales reps in suits, looked like they were there on pain of death. Wasn’t this supposed to be a party?

The atmosphere didn’t go unnoticed by the other band members. “Kind of a weird feel to this place,” Jeeter remarked as he unpacked his drumkit on the raised platform at the front of the ‘rec center’ where they would be performing. Normally, setting up was a noisy, clumsy affair, with the band elbowing each other, tripping over wires, and getting in each other’s way in the tiny space they were afforded in bars and nightclubs. Here, the platform that would be their makeshift stage was huge and extremely visible — but everyone was completely ignoring them. There was also very little background noise for a room packed with people, and the band found themselves speaking in hushed murmurs, almost tiptoeing around. “You’d think there would be a bit more… chatter?”

“Maybe the alcohol just isn’t flowing yet,” Sana speculated, but she sounded uneasy as she looked out over the tense crowd. Even Krejjh, with their signature hot pink, heart-shaped sunglasses perched on top of their dyed-lavender hair, dressed in a clashing, flamboyant jumble of clothes and accessories, seemed subdued.

Arkady plugged in her bass with a burst of static, and deliberately played a loud riff. Brian startled and dropped his drumstick, but not a single member of the sea of blandly-dressed IGR Corp employees flinched.

Weird.

The sound equipment was all set up, sound check performed and instruments tuned by half past, but the set wasn’t due to start until o’clock. Normally, Arkady would be making a beeline for the bar, but she didn’t really feel like rubbing shoulders with any of these weird drones. She found herself reflexively checking the exits, mentally charting their fastest route out of there in case something really fucked up started going down. Sana half-jokingly called it paranoia; Arkady called it long, hard experience.

It was on one of her scans of the room that she noticed the woman with the septum piercing. Arkady chalked it up to professional interest — as a kid, she’d picked up some extra money working as an assistant in a tattoo and piercing shop, The Landing. She’d first met Sana there when the other woman came in on several occasions to have work done on an amazingly intricate floral sleeve tattoo — her own design. Later, Sana had led a campaign to save The Landing from being shut down over a bunch of bullshit health code violations so that the billionaire Cresswin family — who owned the property — could sell it off to a shitty corporation.

The campaign hadn’t worked, and there was now a high rise office block where Arkady’s home from home had once stood. But Arkady had never forgotten Sana.

Anyway, it was definitely the woman’s piercing and not anything else about her appearance that caught Arkady’s attention first. But then she noticed that there was something off about her body language and the way she was moving — something that Arkady recognised. She wasn’t scurrying about in a panic or affecting bored disinterest; her eyes were flickering around the room, carefully monitoring the comings and goings of the other employees while seeming not to do so. There were little devices studded around the room that Arkady had clocked as security cameras the moment they entered (it was the kind of thing she made a habit of noticing), and she saw the woman glancing up at them.

She was dressed like an employee – white blouse, dark rinse blue jeans – so why was she acting like she was casing the joint? Of course, Arkady reasoned, the outfit could easily have been chosen to blend in. It didn’t necessarily mean she worked there.

“Seen something interesting, ‘Kady?” Sana asked playfully. Arkady didn’t startle, but it was a near thing; she’d been so focused on watching this woman.

Unfortunately, Sana saw where she’d been looking. “You know, we’ve still got close to half an hour before we start our first set,” she said. “You can go and mingle.”

“I’m not here to socialise,” Arkady said witheringly. “Least of all with corporate drones.” She tore her eyes away from the woman to meet Sana’s amused look.

“I’m just saying, you seemed pretty absorbed there…” Sana said, and Arkady rolled her eyes, determined not to respond to her best friend’s teasing. She glanced back at the spot where the woman had been standing and found it empty.

A second later, Arkady had found her again, weaving through the crowd with her head ducked down. She was taking an odd route across the room that Arkady realised must have been calculated to avoid the security cameras. Occasionally she disappeared, behind people or objects (like a huge, obviously fake ficus plant), but it wasn’t hard for Arkady to spot her again. Clearly there was some kind of purpose to what she was doing, but the woman wasn’t a professional.

There was an elevator against the far wall, and as Arkady watched, the doors opened and a small group of people in suits – latecomers to the party – walked out of it. The woman mingled with them briefly, and then disappeared inside the elevator. The doors closed.

Well, that had been a way to kill five minutes, but now Arkady was stuck with nothing to do again. Krejjh and Jeeter had pulled out a pack of cards, and were playing one of their weird games on top of Krejjh’s keyboard. Arkady turned to Sana, about to make another comment about how much this place creeped her out, when she caught sight of the other person moving across the room.

Judging by the expensive suit, they were a higher-up, and were taking none of the precautions the woman had when making their way across the room, which suggested that they were confident about being allowed to do whatever it was they were doing. And to Arkady, it looked an awful lot like they were following the woman she’d seen. Based on the way the suit jacket fell, she’d also bet even money that they were armed.

Sure enough, the suit called the elevator, and disappeared into it a second later. Arkady swore under her breath.

It was none of her goddamn business whether a person she didn’t even know might be in danger, Arkady told herself. She was here to play music, not to get in the middle of whatever might be going down at this godawful corporation. Which again, was none of her business anyway.

Her resolve lasted all of ten seconds.

“I’m going to get a drink,” she told Sana, and placed her bass onto its stand.

“Oooh! Bring me a cocktail – no, a mocktail!” Krejjh said. Sana just looked at her quizzically.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

Arkady nodded briefly. “I’ll be right back,” she said, and jumped down off the platform.

She wasn’t under any illusions that Sana wouldn’t notice where she was going, and just hoped that her best friend would trust her to be back in time for the set. She slipped through the crowd, following the same path that the woman had taken to avoid the watchful eyes of the security cameras.

This worked right up until she entered the elevator, where sure enough, a security camera was embedded into the top corner. How had this woman planned to avoid getting caught?

Arkady pulled out her smartphone, and began to quickly and expertly worm her way into the closed network that IGR Corp was using for its security systems. After just a few moments, she’d managed to identify the IP address that the lift camera was using, and wow, whoever had set up this system was either incredibly lazy or was trying to lay out a welcome mat for hackers. They hadn’t bothered to change the default access password.

Arkady wound back the last few minutes of recorded video, and watched as the woman with the septum piercing pressed the button for the top floor. Arkady did the same, and as the elevator moved upwards, she introduced a glitch that would cause the security camera to loop footage of an empty elevator instead of showing who was actually inside. Then she worked to edit out the archive footage of the woman riding up in the elevator, and of herself getting in.

If it turned out that there was nothing weird going on here after all, well, she’d had some fun exploiting the corporates’ shitty security system.

But Arkady was pretty sure there was something weird going on.

The elevator came to a silent stop, and Arkady silently thanked the deities she didn’t really believe in for the fact that this place was too hipster to have an elevator that made a noise when it arrived at the right floor. The doors slid open, and Arkady immediately spotted another security camera on exiting the elevator. God, these corporates were paranoid. But apparently not paranoid enough to pay their security person to do their job properly.

Annoyingly, the security cameras for this floor seemed to be on a separate network, and Arkady started another hack as she crept down the corridor, straining her ears for the sounds of a confrontation. Further down, she saw an office door swinging open, as if someone had gone through it in a hurry. Arkady approached it, being careful to stay out of sight of the doorway. Closer to, she could hear a voice coming from inside – the suit’s, if she had to guess.

“…sure CEO Golding-Frederick will be very interested to hear just what you’re doing in her office, Ms. Liu.”

“Seiders, I can explain,” the woman – Liu – replied, her voice high with tension. “Project ADVANCE – it’s not what we’ve been told. The company is using it to-”

“What the company may or may not be doing with Project ADVANCE is not your concern,” Seiders said smoothly, over her, “and is a long way above your pay grade. But I’d be very interested to learn where you got your information from.”

“Do you know what’s going on at this company?” Liu demanded, outraged. “And that’s – you have no problems with what they’re doing?”

The closed network for the top floor of the building was much less of a pushover than the elevator, and Arkady kept half of her attention on the conversation inside the room as she worked to find a flaw in the system. Finally, she made it in, and began trying different password combinations for the camera in the hallway.

“It’s not my job to ask questions, Ms. Liu,” Seiders had been saying. “Neither is it yours. And if you value your job – not to mention the safety and security of your loved ones – you’ll step away from that computer, and go back downstairs to the party.”

“Are you threatening me? Are you threatening my family?” Liu demanded. “No, I’m not going to stay silent about this. Someone has to take a stand against what this company is doing. And if anything happens to me, that’ll only raise more questions.”

“We’re very good at making those questions go away,” said Seiders, and Arkady heard Liu suck in a breath. She moved so that she could see inside the room and shit, that was a gun. Arkady rapidly began calculating her angle of attack. “Didn’t you ever wonder what happened to Connors from Engineering?”

“That’s not – you can’t just make a person disappear,” Liu said, desperately. “I – I have insurance! Documents that I’ve sent to a friend of mine. If I don’t check in with them in two hours, they’re going to send them to a journalist contact, and it’ll be all over the press in the morning.”

Arkady could hear the lie in her voice so clearly, and she knew Seiders could, too. “If you had enough evidence to be worth a damn, you wouldn’t have broken into this office,” they replied. “I’m going to ask you one last time. Step away from the-”

Arkady slammed into the room, deliberately making as much noise as she could to draw Seiders’ attention. She took two, three steps towards them and grabbed their gun hand, forcing it down and towards the floor. She managed to hook one arm around their throat, pulling back and applying pressure. Seiders choked, struggling and jerking against Arkady’s grip. With the hand that was holding their gun hand, Arkady twisted and pulled their fingers open, causing the weapon to drop to the floor.

“Liu, grab the gun!” Arkady ordered. She saw the other woman yank something out of the computer that looked like a flash drive, stowing it inside her blouse. She dove for the gun at the same time that Seiders managed to thrust an elbow back, driving it into Arkady’s midsection.

All the air left Arkady’s lungs and as she struggled to draw a breath in, Seiders took advantage of her loosened grip to twist free. They grappled with Liu for the gun, but Liu succeeded in kicking it away, where it spun underneath a nearby cabinet. Then Arkady was on Seiders again, jumping onto their back and choking them.

She heard the sound of running footsteps, and someone else burst into the room. Arkady didn’t get a chance to see who it was before Seiders slammed their head back, knocking into Arkady’s and making bright white lights explode across her vision. She dropped to the floor and staggered, trying to clear her head.

She heard an oof and a thud, and blinked rapidly, sure that she would open her eyes to see Seiders bearing down on Liu – or worse, standing over her unconscious body.

Instead, she was greeted with the sight of Seiders crumpling like a sack of potatoes as Sana flexed her fist, having delivered a powerful uppercut that knocked them out cold.

Silence reigned for a few seconds, broken only by Liu’s sharp, panicked breaths. Rubbing her head, Arkady said, “Hey, Sana.”

“The next time you decide to go off on a rescue mission,” Sana said, wryly, “you could at least tell me where you’re going.” She frowned as she took in Arkady’s dishevelled state. “Is your head all right?”

“I’ll be fine,” said Arkady. She was more concerned with Liu, who looked like she might be on the verge of a panic attack. “Hey, uh, it’s okay. We took care of them.”

“Who-” Liu managed, taking deep breaths in and out, clearly trying to steady her breathing. “Who are you?”

Sana smiled at her, warm and reassuring. “My name is Sana Tripathi, and this is Arkady Patel. We’re-”

There was a noise that sounded not unlike a herd of elephants storming down the corridor, and Arkady closed her eyes. She had a bad feeling she knew what was about to happen. Sure enough, in the next second Krejjh and Jeeter clattered through the door in all their clashing multicoloured glory: Jeeter in his signature loud paid shirt and those stupid khakis, and Krejjh with their… everything. Most of the clattering was coming from Krejjh’s many bangles.

“Cap’n Tripathi!” Krejjh said. “We’re here to assist you with – oh my god, are they dead?” They stared at the unconscious form of Seiders on the floor.

“They’re not dead, they’re just unconscious,” Arkady said, irritated. “Did you two really take off without anyone to watch the equipment?”

Sana turned back to Liu like nothing had happened. “We’re the band,” she finished succinctly. “I’m the guitarist and lead singer, Arkady here plays the bass, and Krejjh and Brian are our keyboardist and drummer.” She indicated each of them in turn. Jeeter waved, and Krejjh saluted for some reason. “And who are you?”

Liu blinked at her. “You… you just saved my life, and you don’t even know who I am?” she said. “Why would you do that?”

“For one thing, because you’d probably be dead if we hadn’t,” Arkady said. “You’re welcome for that, by the way.” She pulled out the phone to finish the hack on the security cameras that she’d started before she entered the room.

“I – no, I know that. I’m not ungrateful,” Liu said, sounding a little stung. “I’m just a little… in shock. My name is Violet Liu,” she added to Sana. “I, uh, work in IGR Corp’s neuroresearch division.”

“Good to meet you, Violet Liu,” Sana said, sounding like they were old friends catching up at the bar instead of total strangers talking to each other over an unconscious body. “’Kady, are you erasing the security footage?”

Arkady nodded.

“Good; Brian and I will carry our friend here,” Sana indicated Seiders with her foot, “into the hallway. I think I noticed a closet there we can hide them in.”

“Uh… are you guys really the band?” Liu asked, as Sana and Jeeter – who was much stronger than he looked – bent down to pick up Seiders. “You seem very…” She struggled to find the right words. “…good at this.”

“We have some unorthodox skillsets,” Sana said, beaming and dimpling at her. “We don’t normally make a habit of rescuing people in the middle of a gig, but Arkady has a soft spot for damsels in distress.”

Arkady fumbled her phone, and nearly dropped it. “Sana,” she hissed, mortified. Sana, who was already partway out of the door, winked and disappeared into the hallway.

After a moment, Arkady realised that she and Liu were the only ones in the room, Krejjh evidently having decided to go along and supervise, or something. She refocused her attention on the hack she was carrying out; she’d managed to hack the hallway security camera, and was erasing the footage from that, but she still needed to do the one in the office.

“Uh…” Liu awkwardly broke the silence. “Is there anything that you need me to…”

“Is anyone likely to be monitoring the security cameras in real-time?” Arkady asked her. The question came out sounding a little harsher than she’d intended, but it was hard to be diplomatic when she was focused on trying to break into a security system. Also, it was a little annoying that Liu apparently hadn’t thought about security cameras beyond the ones on the ground floor.

“N-no, the system is all automated,” Liu replied. Well, that was something, at least. “I, uh, I do have a virus that I was planning to use on the security system that would corrupt the footage. I just needed to find an access point.”

Fine, so there had been a plan of sorts. “This is quicker,” Arkady told her. “And the way I’m doing it, it won’t be so obvious that someone has tampered with the footage.”

“Thank you for that,” Liu said, quietly. “And thank you for – I mean, you don’t even know me, but you came up here to help me. Why?”

Arkady shrugged, keeping her shoulders hunched and avoiding Liu’s gaze. “You looked like you were in trouble,” she said shortly. And that was the office camera done. Arkady resisted the urge to change the password to something rude, and withdrew from the network. “And I don’t like corporations. What were you trying to do, blow the whistle on them or something?”

“Um, I-”

Before she could explain, Sana poked her head back into the room. “Arkady, are you done? Because I don’t think we should be hanging around up here.”

“I’m done,” Arkady said with a nod, pocketing her phone. The two of them joined Sana, Krejjh and Jeeter in the hallway.

“We need a plan to get Violet back downstairs and out of the building without her being seen,” Sana said quickly. “’Kady, do you think you two can make it out in fifteen minutes?”

Arkady huffed. “I can hack the security cams, but I can’t actually make us invisible,” she pointed out. “People are gonna notice us. If we waited until you guys started the set, then we might have a better chance, while everyone’s attention is on the band.”

“Listen – it’s not that I don’t really appreciate the help,” Liu cut in. Her face was set, like she was preparing to go to the gallows. “But none of this needs to be your problem. It’s my mess, and I can get myself out of it. You guys should go and start your set.”

“Oh, pshaw!” said Krejjh. “We’re not just gonna leave you to the bears!”

Jeeter smiled. “To the wolves,” he corrected Krejjh.

“Are y’sure? Because bears can be pretty terrifying.”

“We’re not about to abandon you now,” Sana said to Liu, gently. “Between the five of us, I’m sure we can figure out a pretty good plan.”

“Can’t we just pretend to be loading something into the truck?” Jeeter suggested. “And Violet can help us? We could give her a band jacket – make her look like she’s with us-”

“It’s too bad you don’t play!” Krejjh said to Violet. “We could add you into the set. The ultimate entourage!”

“Uh…” Violet said (at the same time as Arkady said, “Camouflage.”) “I mean, I do play something? But you guys already have a drummer.”

“Wait, you’re a drummer?” Jeeter said delightedly, as Krejjh straightened up so fast that Arkady thought they’d pull a muscle. Even Sana looked interested. “Are you good?”

“Have you ever played with a band before?” added Sana.

Liu smiled and shrugged awkwardly. “Well, drums aren’t really a solo instrument, so yeah. I used to jam with some friends in high school, and played some underground rock concerts in college. I was never really with a band – we just sort of used to form collectives based on who was around and wanted to play. It was fun, though.”

She’d avoided answering the question about how good she was, Arkady noticed, which probably meant she was good and was being modest about it. Goddamn it.

“So if, hypothetically speaking,” Sana said, “you joined a set without having rehearsed any of the music beforehand, would you be able to figure out a drum part?”

“Okay, hold on,” said Arkady, before Violet could respond. “Don’t you think IGR Corp is going to notice that one of their employees has just… joined the band?”

“We’ll swear up and down that it isn’t her,” Jeeter said. “And even if someone figures it out, what are they gonna do about it in front of everyone?”

“But wait, what about you?” Liu asked Jeeter. “Wouldn’t I be putting you out of a role in the band?”

“Nah,” Jeeter said happily. “I brought my keytar!”

“Oh my god,” Arkady groaned. She could tell when she was fighting a losing battle, but it didn’t stop her from making one last, token protest. “This is going to sound really goddamn weird.”

Sana grinned at her. “Well, you wanted to annoy some corporates,” she pointed out. “What better way to do it?”

---

The problem was, the new line-up didn’t sound weird at all.

It sounded good.

Liu, hastily disguised with an old band jacket and a spare pare of Krejjh’s sunglasses, fitted in with their set like she’d been rehearsing with them for weeks – months even. They did a quick sound check, Jeeter looking far too delighted as he amped up his keytar. Sana gave her usual cheerful introduction into the microphone, introducing the band as Renegade, the name they adopted for corporate gigs (Arkady was even more glad of it now, since it would make them harder to track down later). After a lukewarm reception from the assembled employees (none of whom seemed to notice, or care, that the band had grown an extra member), they launched into their first number, a reimagined cover of ‘What Shall We Do with the Drunken Sailor’.

It started off with Sana singing alone, before Krejjh joined in, their voices singing in close harmony, and then Arkady and finally Jeeter, the harmonies becoming increasingly layered as they went. The addition of the keytar made the song sound futuristic, almost the kind of thing you could imagine crews of space explorers singing together as they made their way into the unknown.

Liu picked up the beat easily, and as the song unfolded Arkady suddenly realised she could hear a fifth strand to the harmony, weaving in and out of the other voices, soft but distinctive: Liu was singing.

They moved on from the conventional crowd-pleasing openers to a more eclectic mix of songs, including some punk and anarchist numbers. Each time, Arkady was sure that the choice was going to throw Liu off, but she adapted smoothly to each one, altering her style to fit the vibe of the song. In one of the louder, heavier songs she even threw in an impromptu drum solo that had Krejjh whooping at the keyboard and Sana laughing as she riffed on her guitar.

Sana threw Arkady a look as the song ended, and there was a light in her eyes that Arkady knew far, far too well. It was the same light that Arkady had seen when Sana tracked her down at her latest deadbeat job and persuaded her to quit and start playing music with her; the same light that she’d had when they met Brian and Krejjh a year later and Sana had decided to turn their duo into a band.

Sana wanted Liu to join Rumor. And Arkady couldn’t even think of a good argument against it, apart from the fact that they barely knew anything about the woman other than that she could play the drums. And that she was a corporate, which Arkady thought was important not to lose sight of, even if Liu wasn’t on the greatest terms with her employer any more.

Speaking of which. Arkady was on high alert throughout the whole set, constantly scanning the crowd for signs of trouble, anyone who might be looking too closely at Liu or showed signs of moving towards the elevator. As they’d been setting up, Liu had told them that Seiders was middle management: someone who outranked her, but not someone who held a position of particular influence within the company or had the ear of the CEO. Someone who had ambitions above their station. It didn’t mean no-one would notice them missing, of course; but it meant that they might be someone who, for instance, would go after a rogue employee without notifying their superior, hoping to reap all of the credit.

The band moved into their final number, ‘Landers Never Stand Down’ – one of Sana and Arkady’s early compositions, whose lyrics Sana had written as a tribute to The Landing, and her and Arkady’s shared history. Normally, Arkady would object to wasting it on a corporate audience, but tonight, it felt like the right kind of ‘fuck you’.

“Landers never stand down,

Landers never bow,

Landers never stand down,

We don’t know how…”

They wound up the song in their usual fashion, repeating the chorus and getting fiercer and more defiant with each repetition, before ending in a final blaze of guitar chords.

“Thank you, everyone, you’ve been a wonder to perform for!” Sana said into the microphone as the chords faded away. She said the same thing at the end of every gig, but it had never felt more like a colossal understatement. “We’ve been Renegade, and we hope you have a great night!”

There was a small scattering of applause. Sana beamed out into the audience again, and then turned away from the microphone, sliding the power to ‘off’. “Well, that was-”

“Attention, all IGR Corp employees,” came a voice over the loudspeaker system. Sana froze, and Liu, who’d been leaning over to say something to Krejjh, paled visibly. “Please stay where you are. We will be carrying out a routine attendance check. Please do not exit the building.”

“Attendance check?” Arkady repeated.

“It’s a standard employee procedure,” Liu explained. “To make sure everyone’s… accounted for at corporate functions. Supposedly they’re optional, but it looks really bad if you’re not there and you don’t have a reason.”

“Do we think there’s a chance this is linked to…” Sana gestured towards the elevator. Liu shrugged helplessly.

“It could be, but even if it’s not, they’re gonna discover that Seiders is missing pretty quickly. And that I’m… unaccounted for.”

“Don’t worry,” said Jeeter, reassuringly. “We’ll figure out a way to get you out before that happens.”

“Dashing escapes are our speciality!” Krejjh contributed. This was true; the band hadn’t always played at the most above-the-board venues, and there’d been more than a few times they’d needed to get the hell out of Dodge before things got ugly. Well, uglier.

Sana nodded. “For now, just keep packing down, like nothing’s wrong,” she said.

As Krejjh packed down their keyboard and Jeeter helped Liu to disassemble the drumkit, Arkady said to Sana, “I’ll go with Liu, and we can sneak out a back entrance-”

Sana shook her head. “It’ll be more suspicious if we’re not seen leaving as a group.”

“We’ll just say we’re going to the bathroom,” Arkady said. “We’re allowed to do that, aren’t we?”

Sana started to reply, but then stopped, squinting at something on the other side of the room. Arkady tried to follow her gaze, but couldn’t see what she was looking at. “What is it?”

“I thought I saw…” Sana shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s try the front way first, and if they won’t let us leave, we’ll get creative.”

Unsurprisingly, when they carried the first load of equipment over to the rec room entrance, two stoic-looking IGR employees blocked their path, bouncer-style. Arkady eyed one of them, pretty sure she could take her in a one-to-one fight.

“Sorry, we can’t let you leave while an attendance check is ongoing,” said the employee, with a bland detachment. “Company policy.”

“It should only take about an hour,” the other added. “You can enjoy the free refreshments while you wait.”

An hour? Even if they hadn’t had a very pressing reason to get the hell out of there, Arkady would have been looking for the nearest fire escape to break out of. They were just supposed to cool their heels at IGR headquarters for an hour?

“Can we not at least load our equipment into the van in the meantime?” Sana asked reasonably. “This is a very heavy amplifier…” She made a show of struggling with the amp she’d been lifting with ease a few seconds ago, and Arkady suppressed a snort.

One of the corporates had opened their mouth, looking like they were about to object, when a friendly voice spoke from behind them. “Is there a problem here?”

They all turned to look at the person who’d spoken, and Arkady carefully masked her surprise: the tall, dark-skinned man dressed in an expensive-looking suit jacket, T-shirt and jeans combination was none other than Red Gregor, a close friend of Campbell’s. They’d met him once or twice, but what was he doing here?

“Who are you?” asked Corporate One, audibly unimpressed.

“Theodore Gregor; I’m the band’s executive producer,” Gregor introduced himself smoothly, handing Corporate Two a business card. Their eyes widened at whatever was written on it. “My clients have another engagement to get to tonight, so you can understand why it’s very important they be allowed to leave promptly. Additionally, their contract stipulates that they’re only obliged to perform for your company until-” he made a show of checking a gold watch, “-nine-thirty P.M., after which time we’ll need to bill you for every additional half-hour. Will your supervisors be signing off on the additional expenses?”

Corporates One and Two were visibly thrown by the torrent of information. Krejjh made a noise that was hastily stifled, while Arkady did her best to look bored and important.

“I… no, let me just contact my superior to get you the all-clear,” said Corporate One, reluctantly. “Johnson will help you to load your equipment into your…” She eyed the band’s battered van, visibly out of place in the parking lot full of sleek cars. “…vehicle.”

“Great!” Sana said brightly, handing the amplifier to Corporate Two, who took it and staggered slightly. As Corporate One spoke into a walkie-talkie, Sana and Red Gregor strode quickly ahead, the rest of the band trailing behind. Arkady lengthened her steps to catch up with them so that she could hear their quiet exchange.

“…doing here? Did Campbell send you?” Sana was asking Red Gregor.

“In a manner of speaking,” Red Gregor said. “He talks about you so much, I wanted to come and hear what all the fuss was about. Love the new line-up – you guys sound completely different to when I last heard you play.”

“It’s kind of a new thing,” Sana admitted. “New as of… today. I can fill you in, it’s just a long story.”

“I can’t wait to hear it,” Red Gregor said, and Arkady remembered that she’d liked him, the couple of times that they’d met. She could see why he and Campbell were good friends. “But let’s focus on getting you out of here. I’m guessing you need an exit?”

“And fast,” Sana agreed.

“Well, fast’s your speciality,” Red Gregor said with a grin. Sana smiled back at him, and Arkady wondered if Red was basing this off stories from Campbell, or if he and Sana knew each other better than Arkady had realised. It was a strange thought to have in the middle of everything.

Sana unlocked the van and slid open the back door. While Krejjh, Jeeter and Liu loaded their items into the trunk, overseen by Corporate Two, Red Gregor pretended to help Arkady and Sana with their instruments.

“So what now?” Arkady asked Sana. “I think I can probably take Johnson.”

“Arkady, you’ve already been in one fight today,” Sana said, disapproving.

“What’s your point?”

“I have a more bloodless suggestion,” Red Gregor said. “You’ve got a few pieces of equipment left in the venue, right? I’ll go back inside with Johnson to ‘collect’ them, say we’re going to check their supervisor has given you the go-ahead, and you guys make a break for it. I’ll bring the equipment in my car and meet you at the dive bar, half a mile down the road.”

“Are you sure you’ll be able to get away? What happens when they realise we’re gone?” Sana asked.

“I’ll come up with something,” Red Gregor assured her. “Just focus on getting yourselves out of here.”

He walked over to Johnson, who was slightly bemusedly watching Jeeter and Liu (who were clearly stalling for time) rearrange pieces of the drumkit in the trunk, and took him by the arm, steering him back towards the building and talking rapidly all the while.

“As soon as they’re out of sight, everyone needs to get in the van quickly,” Sana instructed. “And hang onto something. Okay? Now!”

Krejjh slammed the trunk of the van shut and everyone piled into the back without a word of protest. Arkady jumped into the front as Sana slid into the driver’s seat, reversing out of the parking space like a shot and executing an alarming hairpin turn to get them onto the road. Liu cried out in alarm, not used to Sana’s driving, and Arkady hung grimly onto the handle on the inside of her door.

“Everyone okay back there?” Sana asked, peering into the rearview mirror.

Arkady looked back to see Jeeter and Krejjh scrambling to put on their seatbelts, each of them having thrown an arm over Liu to keep her in place. “Oops, sorry, I forgot we don’t have a seatbelt for the middle!” Sana said cheerfully as they thudded over a speedbump. Liu closed her eyes. “There’s normally only four of us.”

“It’s not far to where we’re going, right, Captain?” asked Jeeter.

“Just a half mile down the road,” said Sana. “Red Gregor’s going to meet us there with the rest of the equipment, as soon as he can get away.”

“What was he doing at the gig? Did Campbell tell him where we were?”

“I think so. He said that he wanted to come and hear us play,” Arkady said, watching buildings blur past on either side of them. “I guess it was lucky he did.”

“We would’ve figured something out,” Krejjh said confidently.

“Uh, who’s Campbell?” Liu asked, cautiously opening her eyes again.

“He’s our… manager? Kinda?” Krejjh replied. “He doesn’t tell us what to do or anything, but he has a lot of contacts, so he gets us most of our gigs.”

“Contacts in the music industry? Or contacts in like… events venues, bars and clubs?”

“Yes,” Krejjh said helpfully.

“He just has a lot of contacts,” Jeeter said with a smile. Arkady smirked at Liu’s look of consternation.

“Tonight’s gig did not come through Campbell,” said Sana, spotting the dive bar Red Gregor had specified and indicating to turn off the road. “We got it through an agency, Fowleys. I guess that’ll teach us not to go outside Campbell’s network.”

“Hey, it worked out!” Krejjh said. “We got a new drummer out of the deal.”

“Well, for tonight, at least,” Sana said, now reversing into a parking space. “I gotta say, Violet, the way you fitted in with our sound? That was amazing. Our set sounded better than I could’ve imagined.”

Liu blushed. “They were great songs,” she demurred, as the van came to a stop.

“Too bad it was wasted on IGR Corp,” Arkady remarked, undoing her seat belt as they all climbed out of the van.

They got a table in the corner of the dive bar, which was pretty full and made it easy to blend in. As Sana went to get them all drinks, Krejjh and Jeeter started up some kind of nonsensical word game. Arkady and Liu glanced at each other occasionally, but otherwise sat in awkward silence.

Finally, Arkady asked something that had been on her mind since she intervened in the confrontation between Liu and Seiders, though it had taken a back seat to more pressing concerns. “What was it you were trying to get from that computer, anyway?”

“Sorry?” Liu asked, looking away from Krejjh and Jeeter, where she’d been listening in on the game with a slightly baffled expression.

“In the CEO’s office,” Arkady clarified. “I saw you take a flash drive out of the computer. What were you trying to get?”

“Oh,” Liu said, drawing out the little drive from inside her blouse. “Yeah, I was… trying to copy some files onto it. I’m not sure how much I got, though – I had to pull it out before the transfer was complete, and I think they’re encrypted.”

“What kind of files are they?” Arkady asked, thinking that she could probably break the encryption in an afternoon. Maybe less.

Liu hesitated, and Arkady narrowed her eyes. “You’re not still trying to protect your company, are you? In case you don’t remember-”

“No, no,” Liu said quickly. “I just – I’m not sure if it would be safe to tell you. Safe for you,” she added. “Right now, you have plausible deniability if anyone questions you. You genuinely don’t know what’s on this flash drive. So maybe it would be better to keep it that way.”

Arkady was a little bit pacified by that, but still – “Considering I’ve already aided and abetted you, I think that ship has sailed,” she pointed out. “No-one is going to believe I did it without having any idea what you were up to. Which I’m fine with,” she added, as a guilt-stricken look crossed Liu’s face. “I made a choice to help you, and so did the others. But I may as well know what the stakes are.”

“Yeah, that’s… fair,” admitted Liu. Next to her, Krejjh was doing a fairly poor job of pretending not to listen in. “They’re blueprints. My company – the company – has been developing… do you know what IGR Corp does? What kind of a company it is?”

“Some kind of a tech company?” Arkady said. She vaguely remembered Sana saying something about that when they got the gig. She hadn’t really been paying attention to the details.

Liu nodded. “Smart technology – specifically, smart home technology. We produce – I mean, they produce things like smart security systems, smart doorbells, systems that can detect when someone has a medical emergency. Systems that are designed to help keep people safe.”

Arkady had to work to keep from grimacing. She wasn’t sure that being monitored by a computer 24/7 fitted everyone’s definition of ‘safety’, but maybe Liu had never had cause to doubt that the people with power had her best interests at heart. Lucky her.

“But then,” Liu went on, her voice bitter, “I found out that the latest product we were developing – the one that was supposed to make everyone’s lives so much easier, so much better – is being created as a surveillance device. To eavesdrop on people and send their data back to the company. And I know that a lot of smart devices have audio capabilities, but – this was hardwired in. Impossible to disable. And this weird, secretive new division of the company has been set up to process the data.”

“What are they gonna do with it?” Arkady asked.

“Who knows,” Liu said. “They could be collecting it for the government, but – I think it’s more likely they’re just planning to sell it on to the highest bidder.”

Arkady’s eyes narrowed, and she wished that Sana had brought the drinks already so that she’d have something to down.

“You know,” Liu said, her voice suddenly much softer. “I, uh. I still haven’t thanked you properly for, uh, well-”

“O-kay!” came Sana’s voice, loudly, as she finally arrived at their table carrying a small tray laden with glasses. “Sorry for the delay, guys, there was a heck of a crowd up at the bar. Also, the bartender was really interested in talking to me while he pulled these drinks.” She made a wry expression, her dimple deepening in one cheek. “Cheer up, ‘Kady, I’ve got your favourite-” She slid a pint glass of raspberry ale in front of Arkady.

“Thanks,” Arkady mumbled, not looking at Liu.

Red Gregor arrived not long after, having apparently evaded IGR Corp by pretending that he was going outside to look for the band, and then driving off with the equipment before anyone realised what was happening. Sana passed him a drink from the tray; no-one asked how she already knew his preferred drink order.

“So look,” said Arkady, after they’d done some small talk and toasted to a successful getaway (Sana’s idea, of course). “Not that we didn’t appreciate the save earlier – you had pretty good timing – but why’d you go to all the trouble of coming to an IGR Corp function just to hear us play? How did you even get in?”

“I know a lot of people,” Red Gregor said mysteriously, with a fluid shrug. “As for why I came – you probably don’t know this, but I’ve been getting into the music biz lately.”

Arkady tried to remember what ‘biz’ Red Gregor had been in before, and couldn’t. He was one of those people who seemed to do a bit of everything.

“That’s awesome!” said Krejjh, looking delighted. “Are you going to start a band? Or manage one?”

Red Gregor smiled. “Actually, neither. I’m starting a record label,” he said. “And I want to sign you guys to it.”

Liu choked on her drink; Jeeter said, “Wow, really?” and even Sana looked taken aback. Clearly this hadn’t been the answer she was expecting.

“Us?” she said, as if Gregor could have meant anyone else. “As in…” She gestured around the table, including Liu.

Red Gregor nodded. “Look, your new sound is like nothing I’ve ever heard from a band before,” he said. “Campbell has always spoken highly of you guys, and I really liked your originals the last time I heard you perform. But with this new line-up? I think you could become really big. If that’s something that you want, of course.”

Sana sat back in her chair, looking thoughtful, while Krejjh looked practically ready to vibrate out of theirs with excitement. “That would be a pretty big step for us,” she said. “Not that we wouldn’t love – more exposure, better opportunities-”

“Gigs in legal venues?” put in Jeeter.

“More above-the-board performances,” agreed Sana. “But we’ve only played once with this new line-up. We don’t know for sure if we can replicate that – and I mean, we’d be asking Violet to just drop everything and join us full-time-”

Red Gregor held up his hands. “Like I said, it’s completely up to you,” he said. “I’m not here to pressure you into something you’re not ready for. But don’t underestimate yourselves. I wouldn’t be offering if I didn’t have faith in you guys.”

Sana looked around the table, taking in the mixture of expressions, ranging from Krejjh’s eagerness to Liu’s uncertainty to Arkady’s… Arkady didn’t know what her face was doing. “We’ll have to put it to a vote,” she said, predictably. “And if any of you need more time to think this over-”

“I’m in!” Krejjh said instantly. “We rocked tonight! I want to keep on rocking that hard. And we should totally record an album.”

Jeeter smiled fondly. “I’m on board with anything that will let me keep playing the keytar,” he admitted. “And I thought we sounded pretty awesome, as well.”

Sana looked at Liu. “Violet, you’re the one who this would be the biggest change for,” she said. “The rest of us are already playing in a band full-time. Well, with the odd side gig,” she added, because yeah, they did not yet make enough money from performing to cover the bills. “You barely know us, and you’re not under any obligation to stick around – or to switch careers.”

Liu gave a slightly broken laugh. “Well, I don’t really think I can go back to my old one,” she said. “That option evaporated as soon as one of my colleagues pulled a gun on me. Not… sure I’ve really had time to process that yet.”

Sana nodded. “If it’s too soon-”

“But no amount of processing is going to make my situation any different,” Liu went on. “I could try to get another job in my field, but… IGR Corp is a pretty well-known company. Word’s going to get around that I’m untrustworthy, especially if they put it about that I tried to steal corporate secrets.”

“They can’t do that,” Sana said immediately. “I used to do some union work; whistleblowing is a protected activity, and it’s against the law for them to blacklist you – to make it more difficult for you to obtain future employment.”

Liu smiled slightly. “I don’t think IGR Corp are too concerned with breaking the law,” she pointed out. “I appreciate it, but… this isn’t my first experience with a hostile work environment.”

Okay, so maybe Arkady should take back her earlier thought about Liu never having had cause to distrust the people in power.

“Besides, I haven’t even blown the whistle on them yet – I’m not sure if the information I have is worth anything,” Liu said, a little grimly. “And anyway… I think it’s time for a clean slate. So, if you’ll have me… I’m in.”

Which just left Arkady. She could see how pleased Sana was that Liu was willing to join the band full-time, even though she was trying to hide it. Krejjh and Jeeter, too, were excited – and not just at the prospect of getting better gigs and earning more money (though that was a very appealing prospect).

The fact was, Red Gregor was right – they’d sounded like a completely new band during their performance. Arkady had always liked their stuff (of course she did; she’d even co-written some of it) but the new sound gave it a flair she hadn’t even realised it had been missing. As much as she couldn’t help thinking of the dozens of ways this could go wrong, she wanted them to keep sounding like that. She wanted to see what else they could do.

“‘Kady?” asked Sana.

Arkady took a deep breath. “Sure. Let’s do this.”

[bliss-app]

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[thebibliosphere]

Hi,Joy! I’ve been following you for a while but don’t remember if you answered a question like this. I was wondering if you had any tips for staying comfy while working/studying at home. I currently am undiagnosed but we suspect a hyper mobility disorder, and I’m currently studying art online which means a lot of being seated upright if not standing and it’s killing me because I’ve been on mostly bed rest since Christmas. Advil is hardly helping. Considering getting a new desk chair???

I’m sorry to hear you are dealing with that, and I hope you’re able to get some relief and answers soon.

And this is something I’ve actually considered doing an in-depth post on, because I didn’t really realize how much my work set up was contributing to my chronic pain until I managed to fix some of it. I will say right off the bat, having a desk that is the right height for you is crucial. I honestly didn’t realize how much damage I was doing to my shoulders and spine by sitting at a desk every day that was a mere few inches too tall for me. We’re talking pinched nerves, RSI and just general pain and fatigue all day long.

You should be able to sit comfortably with your feet flat on the floor, with your back supported by your chair, and with your keyboard within easy reach so that you don’t have to overextend your arms or reach up. Magic Physio Man basically had to teach me how I’m supposed to be able to type, which is having my elbows tucked comfortably against my sides, with my forearms parallel to the desk.

This is actually a fairly good visual from ergonomic trends, which is actually full of really good info on how bad desk posture can really fuck everything up, as well as some good tips on how to fix it:

Source: http://ergonomictrends.com/proper-sitting-posture-computer-experts/

As it is, I’m hobit sized, and finding a desk I could adjust to my height, either for sitting and standing has made a huge difference. There are likely cheaper models out there, and I think IKEA has started to come out with some really good electric desks (I know there are ones you can lower and raise manually, but if you have any sort of hypermobility issues I’m not about to rec any of those to you. I injured myself trying to lower and raise one of those, and I’m not even hypermobile) but it’s been a whole year of use now, and I will honestly say that my Uplift desk changed my entire work life and just my life in general.

https://www.upliftdesk.com/

I got an absolute beast of a desk (it takes up the entire length of my office wall lol) so I can spread out all my work, of which there is a lot, and so ETD can join me at my desk and help me with stuff and we both have space to write/type, but they do have smaller setups that would work in a smaller space and are also more affordable. And actually looking at their site their January sale is now in effect, and it looks like a lot of their desks are half price.

The products are sturdy as all hell, and I fully anticipate having this desk for the next 10-20 years and possibly even longer than that if I take care of it. They’ve also been really good whenever I’ve had any issues about getting back to me, and have literally sent out replacement parts for my desk within 24 hours of me emailing them. I really can’t rec them enough from a customer service standpoint, and their desks are solid af. Not sponsored, not nothing, just really like them lol

Also if you are hobbit-sized like me and getting a desk that goes low enough for you isn’t an option, adjust your chair so you can sit at the above angles, and then get yourself a footstool or a box or something to support your feet. That’s what I did for several months and it did help a little.

Speaking of chairs, this is something else I am also trying to fix, cause my current chair is too big for me, and isn’t supporting my back because I have to sit on the very edge to keep my feet on the ground. I get around this with added lumbar supports, either a cushion or something like this:

https://www.amazon.com/Easy-Posture-Lumbar-Support-Black/dp/B00LGCWXCO/ref=sr_1_8?keywords=lumbar+support+for+office+chair+mesh&qid=1578291879&sr=8-8

This one is Amazon is $20+, but my chiropractor literally recommended one that was $10 from a local office supply store, and it does exactly the same thing. So trying to shop around locally in office supply stores, if you can, might prove more thrifty.

Ergonomic chairs can be extremely costly, especially if you are trying to find one not built with the average American male height and build in mind, so I don’t have any chair recommendations just now because I haven’t gotten around to that yet! I know Uplift Desks do sell their own ergonomic chairs, but I haven’t been able to afford one yet. Again, ergonomic trends has some really good advice about height and angle, including some tips for back pain caused by sitting positions. So that’s well worth a read :)

(And perhaps some others might be able to rec good chairs to look into!)

Angled bed desks are also a thing! But I’d need to go try and find all my research for those, and I have no idea where I put that, so maybe that will be another post.

When it comes to art studies, I’m not sure what else you might need in terms of what you’ll be doing, but if you want to give me some specific examples I might have some workarounds for you! I hope some of this was helpful. And good luck with recovering and resting again, I hope things improve and go well for you.

[irwingiggling]

friends of friends. | pt. 1

A/N: Sooo guess who’s back with a new fic?! Please let me know what you guys think, and if you want me to continue this - I have lots of ideas for it! If you enjoyed it, please give it a like so I know people are interested in reading more :) The band does exist in this fic, but it’s more of a casual thing and none of the boys are famous. In this fic I tried to really focus on the characterization and in improving my writing, so yeah this is my little passion project rn while I’m in quarantine. [Also a little shoutout to @cakesunflower​, I don’t know her at all but her fics (wglylm, quiet hours, etc.) and her writing is honestly incredible and she was one of the many awesome writers on here who inspired me to start this. :)]

Word Count: 2,100+

Rating: PG-13 (mentions of alcohol, swearing)

---

"Who's Calum?" Audrey was perched over a tall wooden stool, hands around a mug of steaming hot coffee. Her short brown hair landed just above her shoulders, cascading perilously towards her coffee as she stared down her friend, a sly smile on her face.

"Just a friend of a friend," Rose replied with a shrug.

Audrey's eyebrows arched in response, unsatisfied with Rose's answer.

"No seriously. I barely know him, I met him the other day at some get together Nina dragged me to."

At mention of the other girl, a smile crept onto Audrey's face. "Damn, Nina. How's she doing?" The three were close friends back in university, sharing a dorm for two years. But after school, they'd all started to go their separate ways. Nina was in public relations. A true socialite, she loved meeting new people, and could keep up conversation for hours. Since landing her new job as an assistant for some small music company, she'd managed to drag Rose along to various parties and social gatherings with increasing frequency. The two lived on opposite sides of town in Boston, but remained decently close despite this. On the other hand, Audrey had moved back home to Michigan after school, and the two didn't see her very often at all.

"She's good. Still a true extrovert." Rose said with a gentle shake of her head.

"Gotta love that girl. She was always a go-getter." Audrey laughed, taking a sip of the creamy drink.

In contrast to Nina, Rose would describe herself as a simple person. She had her little apartment, her work, a well-stocked supply of coffee, and her dog, Olive - who she'd somehow managed to sneak under her apartment's 60lb weight limit. Everything else was extra, but as long as she had those few essentials, she was perfectly content. Though as a recent university grad who was still working part-time at a coffee shop, and taking whatever freelance work she could on the side, she didn't have a lot of room for extravagances anyway. In contrast, Audrey found a job as a radio broadcaster back home right out of school, and could now afford to make the flight down to see her girls.

"Anyways don’t try and change the subject, you haven't had a man in your life in ages!" Audrey exclaimed, teasingly poking a finger against the arm of Rose's blue sweater.

Rose gave her head a faint shake, smiling gently. She had no doubt Nina had already recounted the entire work gathering to Audrey over one of her long-winded FaceTime calls. Nina had a way of getting carried away with the stories she told, which likely meant their distant observation of Calum had morphed into a much closer brush than it actually was.

----

She vaguely remembered him from that last work event. He was easily recognizable by his dark curly hair, tanned skin, and youthful appearance, especially since the vast majority of others mingling looked to be in their late 30s. Rose caught drifts of conversations about sales and pitches and various public relations-related stuff. She had caught him looking over at her during one of the speeches. When she met his gaze he'd turned away.

"Who's that?" she asked, tugging lightly on Nina's arm. Nina was in the middle of rambling about some publication technique to boost online views.

"Oh, him? That's Calum. He's a member of one of the newer bands the company's signed. Seems decent, haven't really had a chance to chat with him yet."

Calum.

She never got the guts to go over and talk to him that night, even though he looked like one of the only people who was actually having a decent time, chatting animatedly with an equally tall guy around his age, drink in hand. Instead, she stayed by Nina's side, letting her talkative friend fill the silence and introduce her to many people whose names she would inevitably forget.

---

It was two weeks later, and Nina had caught Rose off guard yet again, getting her to agree to another one of her work parties before Rose even really knew what she was saying yes to. The term ‘party’ was an exaggeration, to say the least. Only the watered-down drinks and the 70s hits playing at a whisper in the background gave the faintest suggestion that this was a party. Rather, it was a way for people at Nina’s company to schmooze with those from other nearby labels and PR companies, collaborating on techniques, getting insider information on new signings and album releases. And Nina was so thrilled at the prospect of sharing her knowledge and making new friends, that Rose felt obligated to say yes. However, not knowing a thing about the music industry or public relations made it difficult to relate to any of the conversations, so she often found herself glued to Nina’s side, maintaining an appropriate amount of nods and smiles to the people Nina talked to, waiting for the agonizingly slow clock to tick down. She sharply reminded herself to not give in to Nina’s pleas again, that this would be the last time she would let her Friday nights turn out like this.

Letting her thoughts wander, she remembered catching a vague glimpse of the dark-haired man earlier on in the night, but she hadn't seen him at all in the past half-hour, and figured he'd gone home. She wished she could leave too, but sadly Nina was her ride, which meant she'd be here for a while longer. By this time Rose was frankly sick of Nina's incessant chatter, and with feigning enjoyment in meeting random people she truly had no interest in.

She politely excused herself from the conversation, and made her way towards the kitchen, in the hopes she could scrounge up another drink to get her through the night. Taking a look around the kitchen, she let out a small sigh when she didn't see any alcohol. However, her eyes landed on the same curly-haired man from earlier. So this was where he'd been hiding out. His cheeks flushed a vague tinge of pink at seeing he'd been discovered, but he let out a relieved breath when he saw that it was her. One of the only other people here around his age, who didn't seem like she'd want to chatter endlessly about the management side of music.

"Hey, I remember you." He stood facing her, a gentle smile on his face. "Calum," he introduced, taking a hand out of his pocket and extending it towards her.

"Rose," she replied, lips curving into a smile as she shook his hand, his larger one temporarily enveloping hers.

"Nice to meet you," he nodded. "Do you work here?" He was sure if he'd seen her before that he would have remembered.

"No, I'm actually a struggling arts major," she confessed with a small chuckle. "My friend dragged me here. Nina."

"Oh," Calum nodded, eyes flashing lightly in recognition of a name he couldn't quite place. "The really… social one?" He asked hesitantly towards the end, unsure exactly how to phrase it.

"Yeah, you can’t miss her,” Rose said, giving her head a small shake in amusement. She felt a sense of relief as Calum's light chuckle flooded her ears.

"So I'm kind of hiding out here right now," he began, looking past her for a second to the crowd of people mingling past the doorway, a sigh of relief leaving his lips as he confirmed none of the guests were interested in pulling him into another conversation.

She chuckled lightly, moving to place her empty glass near the sink. "Do you come to these kinds of things often?"

"Not really," he shrugged, taking another sip of his drink. "But the label wanted me to make an appearance. Somehow I keep drawing the short end of the stick this month for that kind of stuff."

She laughed, glad she didn't have to pretend this was an enjoyable party.

"It's kinda.. stuffy?" he added, nose scrunching at the word.

She nodded in complete understanding. "Yeah. A lot of middle-aged record and publication people. Not exactly my crowd either."

"Tell me about it," Calum sighed, taking a long sip of his fruity drink. "And this was all I could find," he added half-heartedly, raising the glass.

She chuckled, trying to muffle her amusement at the strange drink that didn't seem to quite fit with his look. The vividly coloured mini umbrella and bright purple liquid contrasted sharply with the metal rings that adorned his tanned fingers and the tattoos peeking out from his shirt collar.

Noting her amusement with his drink of choice, his eyes began to light up, and he chuckled along with her.

"I figured," she said, fighting to contain her smile. This only served to make him more amused, a full-blown laugh bubbling out from his full, pink lips. His laugh seemed too pure, too alive for this subdued party.

They stood in silence for a couple beats, letting the low buzz from the various people in the room flood their ears again, before Calum drained the rest of his drink in a gulp. "Did you wanna get out of here?" He asked, setting his empty glass down on the counter beside hers, gesturing vaguely to the direction of the front door.

"Oh!" She wasn't able to mask her surprise, eyebrows rising and a faintly amused but apologetic look on her face. "Wow, um… I think you're great, I really do, but that's just not quite something that I'm-"

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion at her response. He tilted his head slightly to one side, lips parted, as he tried to figure her out. Eventually his lips curved into a smile and a gentle laugh erupted from his mouth as he realized where she was going with this. "Shit, I meant food. My bad."

And then she was blushing profusely, wanting to melt into the floor in embarrassment because how could she fuck that up? She sighed, letting out a small whine of contempt, and when she finally got the courage to look back up at him, he was watching her, eyes sparkling. He dragged his bottom lip between his teeth, trying half-heartedly to contain the smile that still graced his face at her expense.

"Yeah, ok." She nodded, letting out a small chuckle. "I can do food."

---

She didn't quite know how she ended up at the fast-food place at 10pm, seated in a tiny booth across from Calum, watching the curly-haired man munching happily away on fries, their knees occasionally knocking against each other.

When he looked at her it was as if he was looking into her. His dark curls cascaded over his forehead, a hint of stubble on his jaw. His eyes were soft and dark brown. They crinkled around the edges when he laughed and they felt like home. It was weird for her, to feel that way with a stranger. But in many ways Calum felt more like an old friend. Like someone she'd known all her life and was just reconnecting with. At this point in the night he was beginning to look tired and sleepy, but just when she thought he was losing interest, his eyes would light up at a funny comment, and it would bring her in closer, creating the most comfortable, at ease feeling deep in her stomach. That night she learned Calum had a wicked dry sense of humour, and that his warm laugh sounded like honey.

They were there for over an hour, long after the remnants of their burgers had gone cold. Only the buzzing of the neon sign in the front window, and the quiet shuffling of the lone staff member were background noise to their conversation.

Eventually they decided to part ways, both tired and content from the night. They put their empty trays in the garbage, and left. Outside they stood only a few steps apart, trying to use each other's bodies to evade the cold wind blowing through the empty parking lot. It was already April in Boston, but some nights still felt like winter.

"Alright," he said, tugging the hood of his jacket over his head so only a few curls poked out. "Get home safe, ok?"

"I will. You too, Calum."

She turned to leave, but his fingertips brushed across the fabric of her jacket. She looked up, the movement garnering her attention. His tongue darted across his bottom lip, brown eyes searching her own.

"We're doing a little show at The Reign next Saturday night. You should come, if you want."

"Yeah I'd love to. I'll be there."

And then he was smiling, hands buried in his pockets. She took a step back and gave him a wave, which he returned, watching her for a few moments before turning in the direction of his own apartment.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #469

“i am hungry for some unrest  /  i wanna push it beyond a peaceful protest”

Do you have any goats? Can't say I do. Are you going to be getting any new pets soon? No. Would you rather be a panda or grizzly bear? As a protected species, I'd say a panda. Do you like BBQ sauce? I hate it. Can you do a twirl like a ballerina? No. Does your house have a pool? No. Do you own an iPad? No. What’s a topic you’ve drastically changed your opinion on? A LOT. Many years ago, I was very conservative, now I'm definitely more liberal. What’s an achievement you hope to see humanity accomplish in your lifetime? I'd really love to see great improvements in nature and wildlife conservation. Are you and your SO Facebook official? We're like... half official? He never checks his notifications, EVER, so he hasn't verified our relationship status. Instead, it just says on my profile "in a relationship with ____ (pending)." I don't mind, though. "Facebook official" doesn't mean much to me at all. What matters is that we know. Have you ever bathed in a river or a lake? I've swum in them, but I most certainly haven't bathed in one. Have you bought a bag of potato chips in the past week? No. I avoid chips because I'll eat too many. What was your first job? And how long did you work there? I was a sales associate at GameStop for like two months, but keep in mind I was VERY rarely on the schedule, so I probably didn't even work for a week's time in total. Can you drive? I can, but I don't do it well and don't have my license. My permit's even long expired. I plan on forcing myself to practice and get licensed once I get new glasses, though (whenever I can afford that...). Right now I couldn't even pass the vision test. I just have to do it; public transport isn't big here AT ALL, and I can't keep relying on others to get me everywhere. Do you spend too much time online? Way, way too much. Extremely high odds are, if I'm conscious, I'm on the computer. I want to change that so badly and experience other things in life way more regularly, it's just an addiction that has been an issue since I was first exposed to the Internet. Do you like to travel? I barely ever get to do it, but yes, I love it. How did you first notice the last person you kissed? Well, it's kinda hard NOT to subconsciously notice the guy who played the fuckin' huge-ass tuba in band, ha ha. Why will/won’t you and your ex get back together? THE ex, because 1.) I'm sure he wants nothing to do with me, and 2.) because I'd be much too worried he'd leave again if I relapse with my depression badly enough. Do you use the words "I love you" too lightly? Definitely not. Do you like pizza? Legit, are there people who don't like pizza???? Do you use an alarm clock? I use my phone for that. Name something that is currently making you happy. Girt is making me really, really happy. I'm still not happy at my core, but, y'know. A person can't do that, anyway. What do you want for Christmas this year? Stiiiill a 40 gallon for Venus with proper equipment... I need a fucking job. That's going to be my answer possibly past Christmas because I just completely rely on my parents financially. Are you excited for the holidays? Very, except for Thanksgiving. I'm way more hyped for Halloween and Christmas and all it entails than usual. Name one tattoo you would like to get someday. I'll give ya one I don't think I've mentioned. On top of one of my hands, over some sort of fiery graphic, I want "Gefährlich ist wer Schmerzen kennt" (translated to "whoever knows pain is dangerous") written in fine text. It's a lyric from the song "Feuer frei!" by Rammstein that I just find very powerful, and not necessarily in an dark way. Are you afraid of stink bugs? Yes, because they're a form of beetle, which tend to scare me. Do you wear contact lenses? No, but I wish. :/ There are piercings I want that would look stupid with glasses. One of my eyes has such bad vision that I need a weighted contact in it (don't ask me exactly what the difference is), and I could feel it way too clearly in my eye, and it made it heavy. Wearing those contacts did NOT last long; I went back to my glasses. Have you ever danced in the rain? No. What was your last dream about? Astonishingly, I don't remember. Where was the last place you went besides your house? The doctor's office. Do you feel like you're judged for your looks? Being someone who is by definition obese, I'm certain some people do. Do you fight with your parents a lot? No. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over. Why? I never have been. Do you like hot sauce? Yes. How bored are you right now? Very, very bored. As a side effect of depression, I experience severe anhedonia like... constantly, at least to some degree. No exaggeration. It makes my life a fucking drag. It's why I take surveys so much; the randomness of the questions is at least a momentary distraction. Do you think you would make a good model? Hell no. Even if I was in a physical shape for anyone to be interested in photographing me, I would feel WAY too awkward. Are you a good singer? No. Do the Emergency Alert System noises on TV freak you out? Yes, because I immediately assume it's a tornado warning. Describe your perfect date. Actually I'm planning something for Girt and me hopefully on Halloween (or if he has to work, at least close to) that is like absolutely effin' perfect for me. Carve some pumpkins together, make those Pillsbury Halloween cookies, and binge some spooky movies. :') Do your parents trust you? Yeah. Do you like pot roast? No. Have you ever thought about being a stripper? No. Are you flexible? No. Can you wiggle your nose? Nope. Have you ever played Mario Kart? Yes. My younger sister especially was sooo good at it; she doesn't even play video games and yet she was hooked on it for a while. How often do you go shopping for clothes? Almost never. I really, really need to for undergarments and pants now. Do you have a high IQ? I don't know my IQ, but I very much doubt it. Would you ride a motorcycle if you had the chance? No. They scare me. Have you ever been bitten by a dog? No. Do you like the smell of cinnamon? yessssss Do you like frogs? I love those lil bug-eyed cuties!!! :') Are you afraid of dying? Not massively. I mean yeah, I don't want to die and the fear of the unknown is there, but I really don't think I'm as scared of it as most people. Do you like bananas? Yeah. Where's the last place you've been to out of state? Lake Gaston in Virginia. What are you listening to right now? I'm watching another playthrough of Fatal Frame 3. Gotta say it's probably my favorite that I've seen/played of the franchise now. Would you rather use a trackpad or a mouse? Mouse, for sure. Do you like steak? Yes. What was the best gift you've ever received? My late dog. Tell me one of your pet peeves. Consistently trying to make conversation with me when I have headphones on. It's a bitchy pet peeve, but a pet peeve nonetheless. Do you like to keep your nails painted? I don't paint my nails or care to. Are you a Duck Dynasty fan? I was a long time ago when I actually watched it. I wouldn't watch it now because I don't support the overly-conservative cast, having followed a couple on Facebook for a time. Have you ever played with Silly Putty? As a kid, for sure. I loved that stuff. Do you take in a lot of caffeine daily? Yes. :x Do you know a lot about history? Definitely not. Are you allergic to pollen? Yes. Would you rather play Xbox or PlayStation? I'm a PlayStation gal. Have you ever worked at a fast food place? No, and I neeeeever would. Hungry people are the worst. Do you like hot tubs? Meh, I have to be in the right mood. Do you know anyone who is battling cancer? Not at this current moment. Are you good at doing fractions? NOOOOOOO, or doing ANY kind of math. Have you ever auditioned for a talent competition? No. Would you rather get high or get drunk? I've never experienced either, but probably high. Being drunk is usually synonymous with being sloppy. Do you like the Silent Hill movies? AYEEEEEEEEE I'm the chick to ask! I love the first one, it's brilliant and loyal to the idea of the series but still unique from the original story of the pilot game. The second one is objectively fucking awful story-wise and is SO all over the place, but I can still enjoy it as an obsessed fan of that franchise. Did you ever want to be a doctor? I wanted to be a vet for a long time, if that counts. [TW: SUICIDE] The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them? I probably cried some/was teared up to some degree when he visited me in the ER after my overdose. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 1 month? Is this written for a middle schooler? No shit I could, and have in the past on more than one occasion. Have you kissed someone with braces? No. Is this the best year of your life? Nooo sir. Can you have more than one best friend? Yeah. What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider? Hot chocolate. ooo: What are your full initials? BMD. Would you ever let your grandma set you up on a blind date? She's dead, but if she wasn't? HEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NO. Do you ever wonder if you will get in a car accident and die? As someone who is terrified of driving, absolutely. I'm primarily more concerned about becoming paralyzed from the neck down, though. I'd rather die than that. So your ex comes to you and says “I want you back”, what do you say? I'd probably say, "I'm happy to finally be able to say 'no'" or something along those lines. Maybe even just a simple "no." Which was worse for you: freshman year of high school or of college? College. I was so fucking depressed and lost. What is the last language you spoke, other than your first? German. Would you ever consider moving to a different country? Canada, yes, if it didn't mean leaving my family and now boyfriend. What is your favourite food from your culture? Burgers. @_@ Other than your name, what was the last name someone called you? Britt. If you could find one long lost friend of the past, who would it be? Megan. I found her on Facebook before and sent her two messages over the past something years, but she never responded. It's frustrating, like I was so close to reuniting with her, but not close enough. Do you wash your hair or your body first when taking a shower? Hair. Have you ever been to a nursing home? Yes, with my mother to visit someone.

[coppertigermedia]

How to Use Low Ticket Price Points to Sell High Ticket Items

How to Use Low Ticket Price Points to Sell High Ticket Items

So you want to make your money online? Sell high ticket items! Everyone can tell you that: no point in selling stuff for £7 or £20 a time- you’ll need to sell zillions of those items before you can even make enough money to buy yourself a fancy coffee!

The thing is, selling high ticket items can be hard.

You’re not going to come across many people who are just wandering around the internet wondering which stranger they could hand over three grand to. It just doesn’t work like that. And yet…..you need to make those high ticket sales in order to have a viable business online! So, what to do?

The Value Ladder

Now, if you’ve spent any time at all trying to make money online you must surely have come across the fast-speaking and extremely wealthy marketing wizard called Russell Brunson. Young Russell invented a piece of software called Click Funnels, which you can use to create your marketing funnels and all that malarkey.

Now Russell is a highly intelligent marketer, and I very much recommend that you read his best-selling books and watch his high octane videos. His grasp on the whole process of sales is indisputably smoking hot.

Propel Yourself To Sales Mastery

But I am not here as a Brunson groupie, but to tell you about his concept of the value ladder, which, once you’ve grasped it, will propel you to sales mastery. Russell has his own way of explaining it, but I am going to explain it like this:

A day comes in your life when you wake and look at the walls in your bedroom and simply can’t believe that they are still painted that colour you never really liked when you put it on. So you elbow your partner and say, “Hey, let’s paint the bedroom today- it won’t take five minutes if we do it together!” and he says: “Humph…” and rolls over.

Soon after, alone, you are buying paint in the DIY store and you’re quite pleased with yourself when you realise that just one can will probably do the trick. And then you think: “Hmm…. the ceiling…it’s going to look a bit grey when I put the fresh paint on the walls….”

And so you buy a can of white emulsion.

Heading for the tills, you pass the baffling array of painting equipment: brushes of every size, paint trays, masking tape, dustsheets….and before you know what’s happened you’ve now got quite an array of products in your trolley.

Well, you go home, you kick your partner out of bed and you paint the bedroom. By teatime it’s looking nice and fresh. Thing is, the lampshade is now the wrong colour, the curtains don’t match, nor does the bedding and the carpet has pesky paint spots on it.

So the next day finds you in a homewares department store piling all sorts of ever-increasingly expensive items into your trolley and the whole shopping trip finishing up with you buying new bedroom furniture and choosing out a new carpet.

So the moral of the story is this:

Did you set out to do a complete bedroom refit, costing thousands of pounds? Had your partner told you not to go because it would end up costing £3500, you would have thought he’d finally lost the plot. Whereas in actual fact, although you may not wish to admit, he would have been correct.

That’s how the value ladder works

And that’s how you can persuade people to make big ticket sales with very little resistance. Your low ticket product is like the can of paint- it can be bought without fear of overspending. If, when you put it on the wall, you discovered you didn’t really like the colour, then no biggy.

Get Prospects To Buy High Ticket Items

And once you start buying, then research has proved that it’s easier to keep buying than to stop. If you buy the curtains, then you have to buy the matching bedding- it just goes with them, even if that doubles the spend. Then the carpet- more expensive again, and finally the really high ticket items: the bedroom furniture.

Create A Buying Progression Which Feels Natural

The trick for you as a marketer is to lay out a series of logical steps, leading from your initial low ticket offer graduating up to your high ticket one; each step feeling like a natural progression, as I showed you in the story.

It’s All About Creating the Right Mindset

Going straight out to buy the whole new bedroom suite is quite a different mindset to go to buy a tin of paint. The resistance is high: it’s a major financial commitment...can we really afford it? Do we need it? What if we find we don’t really like it?

How To Create Your Value Ladder

So have a look at your offers and put them in order of value. What you’re aiming for is to create a forward momentum, so that each offer seems to logically follow the other. That way, there’s little resistance between buying the more expensive offer each time.

Start by Catching Your Prospects’ Attention

Your lowest offer at the beginning of your funnel could even be completely free: a cheat sheet, pdf, a video- it may not even ask for anything in return. Your first offer is all about awareness- catching someone’s attention.

Next, Aim for the Opt-In

Your next offer may be somewhere in the £7-£35 price range; the objective here is to get people to hand over their details by signing into your opt-in form to gain some piece of value from you. A nifty trick used by most successful marketers here, is to make the next offer immediately after the prospect has opted-in, as they are waiting for their purchase to arrive into their email inbox. This third step in the funnel is generally in the £35-£95 price range.

Establish Liking and Trust from the Start

Subsequent offers in the funnel could include done-for-you traffic or funnels and then membership courses and coaching, which is usually the most expensive product in the value ladder. The important element in driving your customer from the initial interest in what you have to offer to the big ticket product at the top of the funnel is liking and trust. Establish that at the very beginning and you have a firm foundation to balance your value ladder.

If you would like to learn more about building value ladders and sales funnels, then let me know here at Copper Tiger Media; we have plenty of both free and paid solutions to help you.

[technonish]

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[briarrosescurse]

Hi love your work you really inspire me💕 if it's not a bother do you have tips to start digital art and a app😖👉👈

hey there !!! im so sorry for the late reply, but im here now !! thank you so much for your kind words 🥺🥺🥺💖💖💖

tips for digital art! hoo boy, there is a lot to say, i don't think i'm gonna remember everything, but first of all; i know digital art can seem super overwhelming just because of how many options you got! you just can do so much to refine your work the way you wanna, but often art programs got so many tools and things to offer, it's just??? confusing.

what i'd recommend is to slowly work your way through it? you don't have to understand every thing right, just try out a few tools! that's what i did when i first started using clip studio paint. i just played around with the pens and brushes, so i could get a feeling for them as well as an idea on how they work. and usually, some programs offer official tutorials and guides themselves - if not, the internet is ur friend! take it easy, i'd say - i think that's smth that applies to several aspects of digital art.

in general though, there are plenty of digital art tutorials online, that suggest to you how you can draw smth - but ! don't feel like it's "the only right way". everyone has their own way of rendering illustrations or doing sketches, with which pencils or tools and all that.

furthermore, this also applies to the app/program question: you do not need any expensive drawing tablets or softwares. it doesn't have to be a brand like wacom with their fancy display tablets. there are plenty cheaper tablets out there, with no display but still plenty effective! hell, u can even use an ipad if u already got one. and if you're just starting out with digital art and testing the waters, i would avoid spending too much money on products you may end up not needing :(

other than that, make sure to stretch a lot, especially your wrists. god knows i don't do it as often as i should (which i genuinely regret), so please make sure to take frequent breaks to give your body a rest. not only will it help you avoid carpal tunnel syndrome, but it's also good for your eyes to take them away from the screen for a bit and come back to your work with a little fresher perspective! in general, don't feel like you have to finish the drawing in one go. it can be so helpful to take a break from the screen.

also !! try to get a hang of the shortcuts!! they're gonna be SUCH a great help, i promise you. every art program has different shortcuts settings, but you can always customize them to your liking. i'd also try to get an idea of how big your canvas should be and as what kind of file you should save your drawings. e.g. resizing a canvas that used to be large can make the drawing look more "pixel-ish", y'know? so keep that in mind while drawing! i usually work with 1500px to 2000px.

as for art programs: if you're on the pc, i'd wholeheartedly recommend clip studio paint and sai2 ! both cost money, but clip studio paint usually has sales that sell the program around 20 bucks (ur advantages are that it offers you plenty of tools that are a blessing if u want an anime-like art style, also offering u various patterns and tools, even some by the artist community! it has a whole shop, offering u free but also chargeable patterns, brushes and all that good jazz) and sai2 is a classic and relatively easy to understand program, really (which u can easily pirate if u rlly can't afford it, but u didn't hear that from me).

if ur on the ipad: i know procreate is the way to go ! i tried it out myself several times and it was so much fun!

on the phone? i heard ibis should be rlly good, i know plenty of moots and friends are using it!

personally though, i'd recommend you to stay away from adobe/photoshop. in my experience it's kinda hard to get the hang of it, if ur inexperienced with digital art + the monthly fees ain't worth it.

i hope i was able to answer your question! if you wanna know more, feel free to hit me up, i hope i didn't entirely miss what u wanted to hear 🥺 happy drawing and good luck!!! 💖

[brianc521]

For the Love of Books

13k+ words of CEO/Bookworm

It’s been a rough week. A long, dark, rough week. With not being able to afford the electric bill, all that was left for you to do was shut down for the week. If you can’t read in the dark, then how were you supposed to buy books in the dark?

While it wasn’t making you money you also weren’t losing any either, that was the double edged sword you were fighting with. You hated it, as the owner of the families bookstore, being closed for a week was not what you wanted. Especially since you were the first family member who has had to do so.

Your Pa left the store to you when he passed away four years ago. It was his Mama’s before him, she left it to him much the same as he left it to you. It was a shock to the family when The Will read out that it was yours, and yours solely until the day you decided to bring in someone else.

It created a pretty big rift in the family, your Mom and Aunt believing that it should have been theirs, but to be honest, you weren’t shocked. It had been a discussion your Pa had with you before he made the decision. He wanted to make sure that you actually wanted the store, and that you could handle the backlash of you receiving it.

Cornered Pages was only your entire childhood. While you’re Mom claimed she loved the store, you would live there if you could. With a single Mom, working at a diner during the day and the local bar at night, left you to growing up with your Pa since he watched you while your Mom worked. He raised you off chapters and new arrivals. Your weekends were book signings and cutting bookmarks.

So having to close for a week was not only disappointing to yourself and your Pa’s legend, it also automatically made you the families disappointment because you couldn’t keep the doors open.

“I want to seriously talk about it,” Shawn shrugs as he sits across from you at the dining room table.

Shawn Mendes, 21 year old multimillionaire of his very own Mendes Printing. Also sort of known as your boyfriend of 2 years.

**flashback**

You were freaking out, literally pacing the bathroom as you whispered yelled at Lauren.

Lauren had been dating Connor since high school, but since he started his new job he had started hanging out with some new people. One of his closest friends was Shawn, and when Lauren met Shawn she set you two up almost immediately.

But now, here you are, dressed in your khaki work shorts, a cute purple tank top and your tan sandals. His schedule was so tight for making a date that you literally had to leave straight from work to the restaurant. You felt about 1000 times under dressed when Shawn picked you up in slacks and a light blue button up shirt.

“Lauren you could have warned a gal that you were setting her up with a fucking multimillionaire.” You hissed, neck vein popping in your frustration.

“I didn’t know! I swear to you, when I met him he was in a Harry Potter shirt and was bragging to Connor about how he’d been able to watch the whole series in a weekend. He was speaking in Potter quotes and all I could see was you and him getting married. I didn’t fucking know!”

“I literally look so stupid right now. He’s in fucking slacks and has cuff links? While I’m in khakis and my hairs in a cute but messy bun. The valet alone was more than I would ever be able to afford for dinner.”

“Oh god.” She groaned.

“I fucking said ‘Literally Pizza Hut would’ve impressed me,’ and he snorted.”

“Snorted?”

“Laughed at me, found me amusing, literally a lowlife compared to him.”

“What did he do to become a multimillionaire?”

“He started his own printing company when he was 18 years old. Graduated high school and started working the next day. He’s the big office building on the corner of Main and Baseline.”

“Oh shit,” She gasps. “So he’s rich rich. Homegirl lock him up.”

“Um no, it’s time to run.”

“Don’t overthink it, he’s a sweetheart I swear. He was really interested when I talked to him.”

“I have to go, he’s gonna think I died or something.”

“You’re so dramat-” You hang up on her and start to rush out the door so you can escape this nightmare you’re living.

This man was literally so far out of your league that you thought these leagues were only in the movies. He will want nothing to do with you, ever.

You whip the door open, taking a deep breath and look up to rush out but stop short when Shawn stands up from his relaxed position against the wall.

“Um,” You gape.

“Okay,” He clears his throat. “I did this wrong,” He cringes. “I was really trying to impress you. I haven’t been on a date since I was in high school. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I was just really trying to impress you and I realize I went a little too far. How bad would it be if I asked if we could start over? My place? We can order pizza and talk and be well, normal?”

You giggled, because he couldn’t stop fidgeting his hands, and glancing at you and then back at his shoes. He was so nervous, and you could see it in his features that he was scared he scared you off.

“Shawn? Just because Lauren set us up doesn’t mean we have to do this. If you don’t want to go out with me you don’t have to. It’s okay, I understand.”

“No! Are you kidding?” He asks appalled. “I’ve been so excited and nervous, and my life motto is nerves mean you care. I guess I’m just, I’m not the best at dating because I’ve never really dated. But I do, I do want to go out with you, I just want you to be comfortable.”

“I want you to be comfortable too.” You grin. “I hear you like Harry Potter?”

His eyes go wide and he nods dumbly.

“I have the series on DVD,”

“Blu Ray,” He points to himself. “And a flat screen.”

“Your place it is.”

**

“I don’t know Shawn,” You sigh, slumping back in your seat at the kitchen table, check book on the table in front of you.

“Baby, if I bought the store you’d never have to have a month like you just had. You’d never have to close for the week just to save, that’s not how a business runs.”

You were trying to be calm, and hear him out. But you really didn’t want Shawn buying the company.

“And with the money I can put into it, we can really look into more marketing. Maybe revamp the place, add a little coffee shop, demo the whole place and start over. We can start doing online sales, and boosting revenue that way. Baby I think we can do so much with it-”

“No,” You stop him, “No.”

Shawn’s stopped, shocked at your firm answer. “Why?”

“I just don’t want you buying my company,”

“Baby, but think about how much we could do-”

“No!”

All you can see in your head is that note you have stashed in your file cabinet from your Pa. The one that explicitly says that it was yours until you were ready to share with someone. You could share with Shawn, but you didn’t want to have to. You felt like you just got the place and you don’t want to give it up yet.

“I don’t understand why you don’-”

“Because it’s mine!” You snap. “It’s mine!”

Shawn’s pulling back, but letting you snap.

“It’s mine, and I know I’m not the best owner, we aren’t making much money and I can barely keep the doors open, but it’s mine. And if you buy it then it’s yours, and not mine, and I can’t-” You shake your head. “I know I’m the disappointment of the family right now, because yes, I might have to close the shop soon-”

“Baby,” He stops you, taking your hands and kissing them. “I’m trying to give you a way where you won’t have to close.” He whispers. “You’re not a disappointment by the way, the markets shit, no one’s really making money.” He shrugs. “And I know it’s yours, and if I bought the bookstore, it’d still be yours, 100%”

“No it wouldn’t because you would own it.”

“Okay, so let's compromise, let’s make a deal, let’s talk it out.” He grabs his notepad and a fountain pen. “What if we partnered, you’d have half and I’d have half? That way it's still yours but I can help,”

“I don’t-”

“Let me finish.” He writes some things down. “I’ve been looking into it, and this is what I think you could make if you at least, did the online thing,” He passes you a note with an absurd amount. The bookstore has never made money like that. “And this,” He pulls the paper back, “Is what you could make by adding the cafe.”

“Shawn.” You gasp at the amount he’s scribbled.

“It’d be a study place, in this college town. It’d be a writing place, just down the street from a publishing house. And there are so many opportunities we could have with the publishing house alone. We could work out a contract to say that we’d sponsor their new authors for a certain amount, we’d be helping them and ourselves.”

“You’ve really thought this through.”

“Yes I have, because I love you, and the bookstore, and I don’t ever want to see you have to close the doors. I want to help, and finally, I know how.”

You smile, looking down at the other ideas he has listed on his notepad.

“Can you just think about it. Let’s have a meeting, I want this to be serious. I’ll do some more homework, and you do some too. I want you to think up and draw up everything you’ve ever wanted to do at the store. Everything okay?” He waits for a nod from you, “We’ll have a meeting and discuss what we’ve both thought up and then come to a conclusion.”

“Okay.” You whisper, nodding at him.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You look up at him as he stands and walks around the table to you.

“Okay, I’ll have my people call your people about the details.”

“You mean having Jackie call me in the morning at the store so she can tell me that you’re free Friday at 9:30 to 10:45?” You smirk up at him.

He rolls his eyes, “Yes, Jackie will be in touch. Better?”

You giggle, nodding as he leans down for a kiss. “Where are you going?”

“Home? I’ve got a meeting real early.” He grabs his jacket, slipping it around his shoulders.

You pout at him, giving him your puppy dog eyes. “Stay?”

He chuckles, “Don’t give me those eyes, I can’t say no to those eyes.”

“Then don’t?”

“I have to, seriously I have to be up at like 4, and I don’t want to disrupt you. It’s your first day back at the shop and you need to be rested. I love you, and I’ll stay over tomorrow okay? Maybe I’ll stop by the shop at lunch if I have enough time?”

“Okay.” You sigh, deflating back in your seat.

“I love you.” He steps back closer, leaning down for a kiss.

“Mhm.” You hum, turning your face to the side so he kisses your cheek.

“Miss,” He grabs your chin softly, turning it back towards him, “You got something to say to me?”

“I love you too I guess.”

“You guess?”

“I think I’d know if you were staying the night.”

He laughs, kissing your lips softly sucking your bottom lip, pulling a moan from the back of your throat.

“Now you really can’t leave.”

“See you tomorrow.” He grins, grabbing his phone and keys, blowing you a kiss as he walks out your door.

**

You laughed to yourself when you saw Jackie’s line number run across your cell.

“Hello Jackie.” You answered.

“Morning,” She cheerfully responded. “Okay, so, care to explain why I’m scheduling a meeting for you and Shawn? And not like a date or something, like an actual meeting? Here? At the office?”

“Has he said anything?”

“No he never talks about his meetings. I’m lucky if I get a ‘Mornin’.” She imitates Shawn.

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Yeah,” She laughs. “Well except for the meetings part. He really doesn’t talk about them, which is fine. It’s his business, I just schedule the meetings.”

“Well if he hasn’t said anything then I don’t think I should, but I’ll talk to him about it. He knows we’re friends, so if it’s not like confidential then I’ll let you know.”

“Alright fine,” She sighs. “He’s open, um you know, actually. When are you free?”

“Well, I just opened again this week.” You look around the store. “And I really don’t want to have to close just to go to the office for a meeting, but if I have too I will.”

“Tell me when you want the meeting, I’ll work it in his schedule. He can work around you this time around.”

You grin, mentally making a note to send her some flowers soon. “Well I usually close at 6 week nights, but I know he tries to be out of the office at 5.”

“Wednesday night at 6:30 good for you?” She asks, you can hear her typing away at her keyboard.

“Um, yeah, we’ll have to push our date back,” You giggle. “But I think this is an acceptable situation.

“Alrighty then, it’s been inputted into his calendar. Would you like me to input anything else in while I have you?”

“Yeah can you check that major birthdays and anniversaries are in there.”

“I know for a fact they are, he personally has input those. May 3rd is labeled with your name and a heart, just so you know.”

You blush, looking down at your counter, picking at the edge.

“It’s gonna be three years right?”

“Yeah.”

“He better go all out.”

“He could literally just come home with no work, and actually stay and I would be over the moon.”

“Oop, here he comes, wanna speak to him?”

“Um if he isn’t busy I guess.” You murmur.

“Alright, you’re gonna be on line 1, he’ll be with you in a moment.” Jackie says, “Meeting at Wednesday at 6:30, have a nice day!”

Before you can even respond the line clicks and you hear a husky, “Hello Beautiful.”

“Hi Handsome.”

“How’s your morning?”

You look around the store, books stocked full but empty of customers. “Slow.” You sigh, pulling your stool closer to the counter and taking a seat.

“It’s still early, got the whole day ahead of you.”

You love his ability to pick you up whenever you need it. He brought the positive to your life and always had you looking at the glass half full.

“Are you gonna be able to stop by for lunch?”

You hear him sigh, and clicking onto his computer. “No, I don’t think so Baby. Jackie penciled in this new intern? I guess it’s time for an eval, and it was my only open slot this…” He trails off, the clicking becoming louder. “Wednesday? But we have a date.” He speaks up.

“I know, but-”

“I made the reservations for 6:30.”

“Can you push them back? Or we can always have a dinner meeting I guess. Or you know what, tell Jackie to just put me in where it’s convenient for you, she tried to go by what was for me but I knew we should have gone off your sche-”

“I’ll push the reservations.” He hums.

You shut up quick, waiting a beat before suggesting, “Or we could just cancel them and go home with take out and watch The Act?”

Shawn hums again, and you can just imagine him scratching his chin as he swivels in his chair. “Or we could do that. I like that, let’s do that.”

You smile, “Okay! Since you aren’t coming to see me today can you at least come over tonight?”

“Told you last night I’d stay over.”

“I just didn’t know if that changed.”

He sighs, “I know I had to cancel the last time, and the time before, but that’s not gonna happen. I promise okay?”

“Okay.”

“I have a meeting Honey, I’ll see you tonight.”

“Okay.”

“I love you, sell some books!”

“I love you!”

The line goes dead and you sag in your stool. This was going to be a long day.

Maybe if you had more appeal to the store, like if you could see it better, or like if the sales that you had going on were noticeable from the window.

You slide your notebook over, grabbing your pen, titling the new page; ‘Meeting Ideas’.

**

You were rushing around the store trying to clean up the last bit that needed to be done before you rushed out the door. You got a little lost in building a new display for the Divergent section you had. You made some faction signs and little displays for them and before you knew it, it was time to close and your art project was all over.

You are just locking the door when your phone rings in your purse. Hands full, and keys dangling from your fingers you answer, slipping your phone between your shoulder and ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey Gorgeous,” Shawn’s voice flows through.

You sigh, knowing what this call was gonna be, cursing yourself for believing his promise this morning.

“Hey,” You sigh, unlocking your car but leaning against it for the bad news. “Not coming over?”

You hear a gasp from his end, and then him clearing his throat. “Um, I was calling to see if you wanted to make dinner or go out?”

“Oh!”

“Did you really think I was calling to cancel?” He whispers.

“Studies go to show-”

“Okay Bookworm, well let me show the studies that I am coming over, without any work, and I’ll be staying the whole night.”

You giggle at his defense game. “Okay, okay I’m sorry.”

“Dinner? Am I picking something up? Am I making you something? Are we meeting somewhere?”

“Can you just pick something up? I literally had the longest day, and I just wanna snuggle.”

“Okay, so a plate; orange chicken, teriyaki chicken, and fried rice with cream cheese ran goons?”

“I fucking love you.”

He chuckles, “I love you too Honey, I’ll see you at home with your food and a medium Coke.”

“You literally are perfect.”

“Goodbye,” He calls, laughing as you sigh.

**

The TV played softly as background noise to your cuddle session. It wasn’t often that you felt like you had time with Shawn like this. He rarely promised time without work, and you took advantage when he did.

The last few times he’s promised that he’d be yours for the night he’s gotten called in, or never even made it out of the office long enough to feed himself. You’re slowly started to become accustomed to being stood up, half the time you barely even get ready knowing that the dreaded text is bound to come through.

You shift a little against his chest, cuddling closer and humming as you look up. But you pull back a bit when you notice that his face is illuminated by his phone, and his free hand is typing away at his email, letters flying across the screen at a rapid pace going to prove how much he is on his phone.

You sigh, and roll your eyes discreetly as you pull away from him. He notices you leaving quickly, the arm that’s wrapped around you curling tighter so you can’t get away.

“What are you doing?” He mumbles dropping a kiss to the top of your head, eyes never once leaving his phone.

“You said no work.”

“I know, but I have to read this.” He answers, pointing with his chin to the device in his hand.

“It can’t wait till morning? It’s the first night we’ve had together in almost two weeks.” You sit up, turning to look at him.

He glances at you and then back at his phone as it buzzes with four new emails. You slump, blinking at him tiredly.

“Babe it’s just a few emails, and we’re watching a movie we’ve already seen. I’m not missing anything.”

You shake your head at his reasoning, as if spending time with you wasn’t even on his radar at all, he’s not missing anything new so what’s the harm?

“Fine.” You sigh, sitting back against the couch.

He clicks his phone off with a huff, “Don’t be like that.”

“I’m gonna get ready for bed.” You say as he starts to turn towards you. You stand from the couch quickly, walking off to your bedroom to start your routine before he can suck you in with his puppy eyes.

He joins you in the bathroom a few minutes later, after he’s locked up your place and turned the lights off.

“You’re so beautiful.” He murmurs into your shoulder as he hugs you from behind, watching you take your makeup off. You give him a glare in return to his comment, letting him know that trying to sweet talk you isn’t gonna help. “Don’t be mad, it was just one email.”

You scoff, “It’s not just one email, we both know that you’ll stay up to answer the rest and draft up even more.”

“I wait until you’re asleep though.” He points out.

“That’s not my point.” You whisper, tired of having the same conversation every night.

“You say that every time and then never elaborate what your actual point is, so can we get to that part already?”

“My point or question I guess is if I’ll ever come first?” You shrug, looking up at him.

His heart just about breaks when he sees your bottom lip quiver. He never ever wanted to make you feel like the work comes before you, it’s just so much is weighing on his shoulders right now, and it’s become easy for him to just know that you’re there even when he’s not and he’s taken that for granted.

“You do come first.”

“I don’t,” You shake your head, “We can’t even watch a movie with you checking work.”

He watches you turn and walk out of the bathroom, crawling into bed. You let out a deep shuddering breath as you relax with your back facing the side he usually lays on.

Biting his lip he flips the light off, following you to bed.

“Might as well go get yourself set up at the dining room table, or just go ahead and sneak out to go back to your place now. No point in staying.”

His eyes snap to you, his chest tightening, guilt panging as he realizes just how much you know what he does while you’re in bed. He didn’t think you knew about the night that he needed to be in his office to get something done, so he made your place look like he had left early in the morning and not at 11:47 pm.

He curses himself at what he’s done to make you feel this way.

“No Baby,” He slips under the covers, arms wrapping around you and pulling you flush against his chest. “I’m right here.”

He lets the sound of your deep breathing and scent of your mint and rosemary shampoo soothe him into the most peaceful sleep he’s had in a long time. He finally allows his overactive brain to slow for a minute, and for his body to relax against yours.

That night, he dreams of his forever with you.

**

Shawn was already in the conference room when you arrived at the office, Jackie meeting you at the door offering to take your jacket and a beverage of your liking.

You decline, to both, pointing to where you thought Shawn was, smiling at the confirmation nod she gives you in return.

You walk down the hall, holding your notebook of homework and ideas. You knock, slowly entering the room and smiling at Shawn, who’s head whips up from his papers.

“Hey!” He greets, standing up to welcome you in. He leans in for a quick hug, pecking your lips as he pulls away. “I’m professional I promise, but you’re my girl and deserve a hug and a kiss hello.”

You giggle, shaking your head at his antics. He pulls your chair out, the one next to his, and helps scoot you in after you’ve taken your seat.

“Okay, well let’s jump right into business.” He starts, flipping through his pages of notes as you do the same. “What to do you have there?” He points to your notebook.

“My notes?”

He chuckles, “I know they’re your notes, but what are the notes?”

“Oh,” You clear your throat, “Um well, these would be my terms and conditions.” You slide your notebook over, letting him read through it.

It’s impressive, how much thought you’ve put into every single detail.

In the end it’s decided that Shawn will invest with a 15% stake, and with his connections and his company itself now partnering with yours it’s well more of a deal for you than for him.

Next steps are to get the balls rolling with what your plans are. A website that allows your customers to order online, a cafe, and a whole store remodel. It was scary, especially because you really don’t want a whole lot to change, but it’s what needs to happen to be successful.

“Pizza or pasta?” Shawn asks as he starts to pack his briefcase up.

You stare at your notes, and the copy of the contract you both just signed. It’s like your frozen. This amazing guy was investing in your company, out of the love from his heart. This literally does nothing for him but give you the room to grow.

“Hey?” He sits back down, hand landing on your thigh. “Are you having second thoughts?”

You look at him with watery eyes.

“Baby if you’re having second thoughts then rip up the contract, we’ll-”

You quickly press your lips to his, shutting him and his anxious mind up for a moment.

“Not having second thoughts, just needing to take a moment to let this all settle in.”

“Okay,” He nods, pulling on your hand to have you stand up so he can hold you.

“I’m not gonna disappoint him anymore.” You whisper into his chest.

“Who?”

“Pa.”

Shawn sighs, kissing the top of your head, “You never disappointed him. I promise you that.”

**

“Hey Babe!” Shawn’s voice floats through the phone.

“Hey Honey.” You answer, clicking him to speaker as you box up some more books to prepare for demo day.

“So I’ve been looking into the perspective of revenue, and it might be time to start looking into some help.”

“Help?”

“Like some other workers.” He clarifies.

“Oh! I am, I have plans to meet with Lauren about the cafe this week.”

“That’s great Baby, but I’m meaning with you at the shop, not in the cafe.”

“Oh um, I don’t kn-”

“I emailed you the spreadsheet of the projected sales, take a look at it and let me know what you think okay? Just think about it? I have a meeting I needed to be in like 5 minutes ago,” He chuckles, “CEO duties. But I wanted to bring this to your attention. Anyway, I love you, I’ll see you for dinner.” He makes a dramatic kissing sound into the speaker and then hangs up before you can even think of responding.

**

The sledgehammer was a lot heavier than you were expecting now that you’re standing in front of a bare wall with a bunch of workers and your boyfriend staring at you.

You take a deep breath, take a step back, and let your years of softball takeover and swing for the fences. The wall splinters under the pressure and breaks, leaving a big hole in it’s trace.

“You did it!” Shawn cheers, running over to take the dangerous object away from you before you or anyone else got hurt.

“Holy shit, it’s real now.” You laugh as the rest of the crew then starts knocking the wall down. “That was so fun, holy shit!”

“It was really hot too.” Shawn smirks, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

“Oh my god, go away.” You push at his chest lightly.

“Hold up!” One of the workers calls, stopping everyone from there work and pulling something from the wall.

“Is something wrong?” Shawn asks, tucking you behind him.

“I found this,” He hands Shawn the note.

Shawn opens the note, coughing when the dust and debris flies around him.

“Oh Babe.” He sighs, turning to show you.

You gasp at the handwriting alone, yanking the note from Shawn’s hands and holding it close to your chest. The watery tears in your eyes as you look up at Shawn have him almost melting to the ground and vowing to protect you from everything.

“I’m gonna go-” You jerk your thumb over your shoulder to the door, indicating that you wanted privacy while reading this note.

Shawn nodded in understanding, turning to have everyone get back to work and talk some more with the contractor about the plumbing.

He really wanted to give you some time, really wanted to respect that you needed it. But damn it you were almost crying when you walked out the door, and staring at you from the window he can tell that you are crying now.

“Fuck it,” He mutters, stepping outside.

He slides up behind you, arms wrapping around your waist, chin resting on your shoulder.

“Are you okay?” He whispers into your ear.

“Yeah.” You nod, wiping your cheek. “Yeah, I needed this.” You unfold the letter so he can see.

It’s about time, this place needs the updates! I knew you had dreams for this place Pumpkin! Love Pa.

“Wait, he wrote that for you!” Shawn gasps softly. “How old were you when he redid the place?”

“I was three when he broke down the barrier wall and put in the new one,” You whimper.

“He knew all along this would be your legacy.” Shawn squeezes you closer.

“I was really struggling today with this decision, because I didn’t know if he would approve or not. But this was exactly what I needed to know I made the right choice.”

“Yeah?” Shawn asks.

“Yeah, you were the right choice. Pa would have loved you.” You turn and kiss his shoulder.

“You think?”

“I know he would have. Pa was particularly protective. You seem to have that same nature.” You grin. “I can just hear what he would say about you, and to you.”

“What would he say?”

“Well he’d sit me down and go, ‘that’s a good boy you got there, he treats you right and respects you. But if you got any troubles or doubts you let your Pa know, he’ll take care of it.’ Even though your friendship would be so tight he would side with you instead of me.” You giggle.

Shawn smiles, kissing your neck before sighing. “I wish I could have met him.”

“Can I ask you something?” You turn to face him now.

“Anything.”

“Would you like to?”

“Like to what?” Shawn’s brows furrow.

“Like to meet him?” You ask again. “Would you like to go to his grave with me?”

Shawn’s smile literally touches, ear to ear, and he squeals a little as he picks you up and spins you around.

“I’d love to.”

**

Lauren has been your best friend since you both started working at the local girls clothing store in high school. She’s a few years older than you and really was the person who showed you the love of running a store. She got you into the management aspect of the job and taught you everything you know.

She’s a big reason as to why you were so comfortable and willing to take over the bookstore for Pa when he passed away.

When you both left the clothing store she went off to become an assistant manager at Lou’s Coffee House just outside of town. She then went on to meet Connor there, and the story goes on to how she set you up with Shawn.

“So I have some news!” You squeal as Lauren sets her coffee mug down in front of her.

You’re out to breakfast for your weekly meetup at your usual diner.

“Are you pregnant?” She asks.

“No!”

“Engaged?” 

“Oh my god, no.”

“Okay then…?”

“So I’m remodeling the store.” You grin as her eyes go wide. “And I bought the toy shop next door.”

“Whoa!” She shares your excitement but then comes back to reality. “Wait, weren’t you like just closed for a week because you couldn’t afford the electric bill?”

“So about that, I, I um, I might have gone through with Shawn’s investment plan.”

“Finally.” She sighs.

“We worked through the details, sat down and had a meeting and everything.”

“Sounds very Fifty Shades here.”

“Oh my god shut up,” You blush and shake your head, no realizing that it kind of did.

“Okay,” She laughs. “So why buy the toy shop?”

“How much do you like your job?”

“Working as an assistant manager? Where I can’t make my own decisions? Where I have to get them okay’d first? It sucks, but it’s a job.”

“Wanna manage your own cafe?” You ask with a big smile.

“Excuse me?”

“I bought the toy shop to knock the dividing wall down and add a cafe.”

You’ve never seen her eyes so wide. “You’re joking?”

“And I bought it so you could run it.”

“You’re joking?!?” Her voice is starting to rise.

“Is that a yes?”

“Why me?”

“Because you’re you? You’re the best Lo, let’s be honest with ourselves.”

“I’d be in charge? Can do my own ideas?”

“Well Shawn and I have drawn up some ground rules since it’s mainly his name on it, but yeah there’s no one we’d want or trust more.”

**

Days got tough, times get hard, and people grow tired. It’s life, it’s what happens. Today was one of those days for you.

While finding Pa’s note helped, and the excitement of starting a new was distracting, you still struggled with the result that has come of you owning the shop.

It was hard to admit you needed help, and it was harder to receive it from Shawn. It was terrifying to give up some of the reign to him as well. So with his newest idea, comes your patience lost.

“You don’t get to do this.” You shake your head, putting the plates away in the cabinet and slamming the cabinet door shut in your frustration.

“You’re gonna need the help.”

“I don’t need help!”

“I’m not saying you can’t do it. I’m not saying that. I’m saying that at least one other person is going to make it easier for you. You’re gonna run yourself into the ground doing it by yourself.”

“We’ve agreed on cafe staff.” You cross your arms.

“Yes we have, but we’re not talking about the cafe. We’re talking about the shop. One other person, that’s all I’m saying. One more set of hands with you behind the counter. You’re gonna want it, gonna need it.”

“It’s my store Shawn, I can do it! This part of it is all I have left!”

“I’m not taking that away!” He raises his voice to your level. “I’m trying to give you some help here!”

“This!” You turn back to the sink. “This is why I didn’t want to do this! I knew this is how it’d turn out. You’d be Mr. Mendes, Mr. Know-it-All, and tell me how to run the store. My store!” You toss the dish towel on the counter, turning back to him. “Guess what Shawn, you’re not there. You never have been, you never will be. You don’t care enough to be there, and because of that you’re not allowed to care about who is.”

His condo is silent as your words settle. He blinks at you, face blank of an expression and your heavy breaths slow as you watch him turn and walk away from you.

“Shawn?”

He doesn’t answer, he just picks up his keys from the corner counter and walks right out the front door, leaving the slam of it to echo in your head.

**

He didn’t come home, he knew he should have and that he’d given you both enough time to cool down. But he didn’t come home.

Instead he hid away in the safezone that has become his office, his second home. He was too wired to go back and go to bed, but he was too drained to keep driving around all night, so he ended up here, checking emails and stewing over your words.

You were right, he never did spend any time with you at the store. And it wasn’t in his schedule to start doing so after the remodel. The store was so important to you, and it was so minimalistic to him that he couldn’t see how much it would mean to actually stop and enjoy the space with you.

He’s been fighting his own battle all night with how guilty and shitty he feels for walking through the doors of Cornered Pages and changing everything, flipping your whole world on its side, without actually thinking about how this truly is affecting you deep inside.

It was close to 5:30 am when he dozed off. Chin in his hand, elbow propped up on his desk. The sun had just started to rise, and he could hear Jackie out at her desk.

But it was 8:45 am when you stormed in. The banging of his office door against the wall startling him awake. His jump knocking over the framed photograph of you and him from your last anniversary.

He looks around quickly, looking for what woke him in such a way, but everything stops when his eyes land on you. Your hair was unkempt, you wore his old Harvard hoodie and some grey sweats. Eyes rimmed red with tears.

“Baby?” He cleared his throat, blinking a few times to wake himself up. “What’s wrong?”

“I need you, to come home.” Your voice shakes as you speak.

“What happened? What’s wrong?” He keeps asking, afraid something bad happened.

“Come home.” Your bottom lip quivers as he stands to come to you.

“What’s wrong? Baby what happened?”

“You didn’t come home!”

He wraps you up in his arms, kissing the top of your messy hair and breathing you in.

“You don’t just get to not come home Shawn.”

“Okay, okay.” He nods, feeling you start to relax. “Let’s go home.”

“You don’t get to not come home.” You repeat, some panic still coursing through you.

“You’re okay, I’m right here. Let’s go home.”

“I thought you were leaving, you can’t not come home.”

Your words are like a knife through his heart, he can’t handle the thought of you sitting in his home thinking he wasn’t ever gonna come back to you.

“Never, I’m never leaving you. I won’t do it again, I promise. Take me home.”

Jackie watches with concerned eyes as you both stagger out of his office, Shawn mumbling to cancel his meetings, that he needed a personal day. She didn’t ask questions, she just nodded and bidded you both safe travels back home.

Once seated in the car to go home the only thing you say is “You don’t just get to not come home.”

**

This is it, months of work, weeks of stress, days of insecurities, hours of arguing, and minutes of excitement has lead to this.

The shop was finally complete, and today was the reopening. You were nervous, the new keys sit in your hand as Shawn, Aaliyah who’s been hired to work in the shop with you, and Lauren your best friend who’s gonna manage the Cafe stand beside you as you unlock the door.

Shawn grins, pulling the new outdoor easel sign out from the entrance of the store and positioning it right out front showing that it was a ‘Grand Re-Opening!’.

“Li, can you count the register? Do you remember how I showed you?”

“Can you just watch to make sure I do it right? I think I remember, but I don’t want to mess it up.” She nervously giggles, walking with you to the counter to count the register to properly open the store.

Shawn and Lauren open up the cafe entrance, and you can see Shawn bouncing on his toes as he watches you and Aaliyah through the glass walls that divide the store from the cafe.

“Got it?” You turn to her with a smile, she nods proudly closing the register and slipping the receipt into the little accordion file you keep in a compartment under the drawer.

“Yep!”

“Perfect, now I think your brother wants to be the first dollar we earn from the cafe, so let’s go join him before we get to work.” You giggle leading her to the cafe.

“There you are! Get it taken care of?” He asks looking at Aaliyah, eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Yep! I did it all by myself and everything.” Her sarcasm drips heavily as she answers.

“Okay, what can I buy you for a celebratory drink?”

“Okay, so I have a medium black coffee for Shawn, a medium white chocolate mocha blended for Liyah, and a iced peppermint mocha, large, for the lovely owner.” Lauren sets three cups down, knowing everyone’s order before any of you have to tell her.

“And a iced vanilla cold brew, medium, added to his tab.” You give her a look eyeing her drink behind her on the counter.

“I was gonna-”

“Nope add it to his tab, I think he can handle it.” You pat Shawn’s shoulder, grinning when he nods, swipes his card and leaves a hefty tip.

“We just had our first sale!” Lauren cheers when his charge goes through.

You laugh at her excitement and lean into Shawn’s side, sighing as you let the day sink it. He leans down to kiss the top of your head and thread his fingers through yours.

It’s so weird to see him on a Monday, jeans and white t shirt instead of his slacks and a button down. He’s taken the day off to be here for the store launch, and work with you guys on the floor.

“Okay!” He claps his hands together. “Let’s get to work! What’s first?”

**

This is the slowest it’s been all day, there’s been a line practically out the door, and you’re thanking your lucky stars that Shawn wanted to be here today to help. He’s been helping people find books, or the right aisles for certain genres, he’s greeted every person that walks in the door, and talks up the cafe for those who don’t have a drink already.

You and Aaliyah are practically trapped behind the counter, not having a chance to even look to the other, that’s how many people are in line.

You’re ringing up Mrs. Cooper, gift wrapping a few books for her grand kids birthdays. “Caleb is just going to love that Harry Potter box set you had. His mother said he’s been looking for that since Christmas, and Katie has been non stop talking about that new Julie Cross book.”

“We just got that book in this morning, it came with my new shipment.” You nod, tying a ribbon around the box set. “I can’t wait to read it, the Juniper Falls series is one of my favorites.”

“Katie will be so excited.” Mrs. Cooper smiles, handing you the bills to pay for the books. You smile as you ring her up.

“Mrs. Cooper would you like to sign up for a our new rewards program? All you have to do is put in an email or phone number and we’ll track your points that way, with every dollar you earn a point. Every 100 points you get a free book or drink on us.”

“I’d love to, I’m gonna be in enough to make it worth my while.”

“Perfect!” You smile, clicking over to the page to sign her up. “While I get you signed up I’ll have Shawn take your things to your car.”

“Oh thank you Honey.” She smiles, watching you wave Shawn over.

“Hey Gorgeous,” He grins, kissing the side of your head and looking at the screen. “Need help with something?”

“Yeah can you carry Mrs. Coopers books to her car? I’m gonna get her signed up for the rewards program real quick.”

You watch Shawn’s eyes drift from you to the counter where two bags of books sit in front of Mrs. Cooper and her walker.

“Of course, where are you parked?” He asks taking the bags with a big smile.

“Right up front in the handicap parking Son, my husbands in the car waiting.”

“Perfect, I’ll be right back.” Shawn nods, winking at you before he walks away.

You get Mrs. Cooper signed up, ring up a few more people to finish off the line, and then look around at the mostly empty store to see how it looks after that rush.

It’s not too bad, but you notice it needs serious recovery and some filling of shelves. When you turn to start talking to Aaliyah to notice that she’s not standing at her spot behind the counter, but coming out of the back storage room with a cart of books, asking a few people if they’re finding everything okay.

You smile, knowing that Aaliyah was a perfect fit for your store, and everyone was loving her.

You take this quick chance to run over to the cafe and check in with Lauren, and see how she’s doing. The cafe is bustling with people, every table is full and all the chairs in the little nook are occupied with reading teens.

“Hey!” You cheer as you walk behind the counter to talk with Lauren.

She pats Becca, her extra set of hands, on the shoulder to let her know that she’s coming to talk to you.

“Hey Bigshot.”

You roll your eyes at the name, Lauren’s been calling you that since you told her about the remodel and asked her to be the cafe’s lead manager.

“How’s it going over here?” You ask, leaning against the wall, getting a glimpse of Shawn over her shoulder.

He’s talking to a group of men in suits, and you assume they must be his work colleagues.

“It’s going really good, Becca and I are working really well around each other. She’s so sweet and amazing that I’ve practically had her at register all day because she’s selling treats and the cafe card like crazy.”

“Oh yay! I’m so glad!” You nod, smiling at Lauren and then letting your eyes travel back to Shawn. “Do you know those guys?” You ask her, nodding to the guys who just made Shawn’s smile drop to a frown in less than a second.

“Oh I don’t know, they ordered a few minutes ago, kept whispering to each other and laughing as they looked around.” She shrugs, “Seems like Shawn knows them.”

“Yeah will you give me a second?” You ask, walking past her and over to Shawn. “Hey,” You lay a hand on his back, standing beside him as all three of the guys look down to you.

“Hey,” Shawn mumbles, letting his arm uncross from in front of his chest and wrap around you. “This is Tate, Blake and Zach.” He points to each of the guys.

“You must be the famous girlfriend?” Blake says with a teasing smile.

You squint at him as you try to figure out their game here, “Yeah, and you are?”

The boys look to Shawn in shock, “Um, we work at Mendes Printing.” Zach answers.

“They’re in charge of the orders and deliveries.” Shawn says looking to you.

“So, this place is, is something huh?” Tate acknowledges. “You must be so happy to have someone like Shawn who can just dump some change to those in need.”

Shawn stands up straight, jaw clamped shut. You watch as Blake and Zach snicker, looking at each other like they’re the funniest guys in the world.

“I’m lucky to have a supportive boyfriend who believes in my dreams and will help me accomplish them.” You fire back. “And you’re lucky to have such a wonderful man as a boss, who lets you take a break at what?” You pick up Shawn’s wrist to read his watch, “At 2:37 pm.”

All three boys deadpan as you give them a small smile. “We’re on our way to a meeting.” They stammer out.

“Well I’m so glad you are willing to be late to a meeting just to see our new cafe, did you sign up for the new cafe card? With every 10 purchases you get the 11th free. You can sign up while you wait for the drinks you’ve ordered.”

Shawn squeezes your hip, grinning as he kisses the top of your head.

“We’ve got to be headed back to the store, but it was nice to meet you, can’t wait to hear your stellar reviews of the drinks. Lauren’s the best barista in town.”

Shawn steers you away from the boys, smirking into your hair as he holds you close. “They didn’t mean any harm.”

“They practically said that you’re my sugar daddy and bought me my own store.”

“And we both know that isn’t true, you barely let me buy you dinner.”

“You deserved to be spoiled too, so no I’m not about to let you pay for everything just because you can. I can too.”

“I love you, you know that right?”

“I love you too.” You look up at him with a pout. His smile and blushing cheeks has you biting your lip, trying to stay professional in your business. “I really wanna kiss you.” You mumble as you turn away to help Aaliyah fill shelves.

“Oof the things I wanna do to you to celebrate the success of your store? Just wait until we get home Miss. CEO.” Shawn pinches your ass before walking away, tossing a wink your way as your jaw drops.

**

A week into the relaunch and things finally seem to settle back into the normal you’re used too. Wednesdays are always your slowest days, and while it’s not always good for business you take advantage of the free time to get some remerching done.

That’s what you’re up to this morning. You had a dream last night about what the store would look like if you redesigned the front wall and added some of the new signs Shawn’s company just dropped off the other day.

That’s why books are stacked in piles around the front of the store and shelves and knife brackets are scattered in empty spaces as you try plan out how you want it to look like. You’ve counted up 17 notches and slide a knife bracket in place, repeating on the next section. You use your right foot to help hoist the shelf up high enough to set on top of the brackets, but right as you go to lift the door opens, bell startling you and you drop the shelf.

The loud clang and yelp from you is enough to catch Mrs. Cooper’s attention as she walks into the store, eyes wide as she notices you hunched over in pain.

“Oh, Honey are you okay?” She tries to get to you as fast as she can, but with the piles you’ve set down for the time being her walker can’t get to you.

“I’m okay,” You wave her off, trying to play it cool as your foot throbs. “How are you this morning?” You clench your jaw, fisting your jeans to help hold off your scream of pain.

“Dear are you sure you’re okay? You dropped that shelf right on your foot. Where’s that boy who was here the last time I was in, he should be helping. Lord knows he’s got those muscles for a reason.”

“He’s actually just an investor, and well my boyfriend, but he’s got his own company to work for. That was just a one time thing, him working here.” You correct her.

“Is there anyone else here?”

“Not yet, but I’m okay I promise.” You stand up straight, hiding your pain behind a fake smile, to prove you’re alright and don’t need help.

“If you say so, I’m just in to get another one of those Juny Pond books or whatever that series was.”

“Juniper Falls?” You smile, trying to hide your limp as you make your way to your Young Adult sports section. “Which one are you looking for?”

Mrs. Cooper starts to tell you all about how Katie, her granddaughter fell in love with the new book she got her at the re opening, and how she wants more. You soon figure out that Katie has read all three books from the series so you go on to suggest the baseball book that Julie Cross has published that is just as good, and if not your favorite.

But as you talk with Mrs. Cooper Lauren comes in a little early, quickly notices that bare wall and everything a little disorganized up front. When she finds you two she immediately can tell something is wrong with you, and that you’re very uncomfortable.

Usually you’ll talk all day with Mrs. Cooper, but you seem to hurry her a little today and you’re limping in just the slightest bit. The second Mrs. Cooper is out the door to her husband you drop to the floor, letting out a long “owww”

“What happened Doll?” She asks, crouching beside you.

“I was rebuilding the front wall, all in my head and in my zone. The second I lifted the shelf to put it up Mrs. Cooper walked and the bell went off scaring the bejesus out of me and I dropped the damn thing on my foot.”

“Well you’re walking on it so it’s not broken.”

You slip your shoe and sock off, cringing at the deep purple and blue bruise that’s starting to form across your foot, the swelling already starting.

“Just severely bruised.” Lauren sighs.

“Will you help me finish the wall before you open the cafe? I promise to stay off it as much as I can but I can’t leave the front of the store like that.”

She agrees to help but makes you sit on the step stool while you tell her what to do and where to put things. In the end the wall looks really cool and the customers you have coming in after it’s built have nothing but compliments for it.

“Hey!” Aaliyah calls as she clocks in from the back.

“Hey Hon!” You smile as she comes out with a cheery smile, stopping when she spies you on the stool, you rarely sit.

“What’s up?”

“So, don’t tell your brother, but I got hurt today.”

“What? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine but, I might have dropped a shelf on my foot.”

“Oh my god,”

“She’s gonna sugar coat it but she can barely put pressure on her foot, so while I’m in the cafe make sure she’s being good and staying off it and icing it. Also because she’s limited to her chair she’s finally finished up the online order website and gotten all the merchandise in the website so that can launch soon!” Lauren interrupts you.

“Hey! I was gonna tell her that!” You glare at Lauren.

“Sorry, I got excited.”

“Why can’t I tell Shawn, he should know.” Aaliyah looks at you.

“He will.” You nod. “But I want to tell him later, he’ll freak out and blah blah blah.”

Aaliyah nods slowly, and you can see in her eyes, just like her brother, that she’s gonna do the exact thing you asked her not to do. So you mentally make a note that Shawn will be here in the next 15 minutes.

** 10 Minutes Later **

“Jackie, cancel it.” You hear Shawn say as the bell goes off indicating he’s just walked in the door.

“Sorry,” Aaliyah sighs when you look up at her. “He’d kill me if he knew I knew and didn’t say something.”

“It’s okay,” You smile at her. “I know I said I wanted to tell him later, but I’m glad he’s here. So thank you.”

“Emergency.” He hums as he looks around frantically for you, stopping when he sees you seated behind the counter. “Okay I will, thanks Jackie.” With that he hangs up the phone, walking right behind the counter and taking your face into his hands, eyes inspecting yours. “Which foot?”

“Right.”

“Level?”

“8.” You answer softly.

“Reason why you didn’t call?” He raises an eyebrow.

“I wanted to push through?”

“Try again.” He hums, crouching down to take your shoe off so he can see.

“I didn’t want to bother you,” You slump, telling the truth. “I promise I’m okay.”

“And what were you doing?” He asks as he softly caresses your foot, being careful not to touch too rough.

“I was building the front wall.”

He looks up at you, blinks, then turns his head to look at the wall noticing that what you’ve done is actually much cooler and seems to be attracting a lot of attention from bystanders outside.

“How’d you drop it?”

“The bell scared me when Mrs. Cooper walked in and I dropped it.” Your bottom lip pushes out at how lame your story is.

He shakes his head, letting a breath out as he tries not to laugh a little. “You kill me, you know that? How hard would it have been to wait to do that with Liyah here, or Lauren, or me?”

“You?” Your eyebrows scrunch.

“If you would have called I would have come to help.”

“But-”

“We talked about this,” He shakes his head, “We’re in this together right? You chose me to be apart of this with you? Then let me be apart of it. I know I can’t be here everyday, but I can be here to help if you need me to be. Building walls, or new displays that involve heavy lifting is something I can be here for. You just have to tell me.”

You nod, letting his fingers twine with yours on your thighs.

“Okay, next time I’ll call.”

“Thank you, that’s all I’m asking for.” He looks back down at your foot and bites his lip. “Level 8?”

You nod, showing off that you can wiggle your toes a bit but that’s about it.

“Can I take you home?” He whispers, hands sliding to the back of your calves, rubbing little circles with his thumbs.

“Can we stay till close? It’s just a two more hours? You can help me with inventory for the website launch.”

“Of course,” He smiles, jumping up to pull the other stool closer to sit with you and work on the website.

**

Shawn sets you down on the bed, convinced that you shouldn’t be putting any weight on your foot. He happily took on the roll of your right hand man, carrying your everywhere, bringing you things, spoiling you in many kisses.

“So,” He says, digging through his drawer to find you a shirt to wear. “I had a phone meeting with Horan Publishing today.” He smiles as he pulls out his Eddie Vedder, his favorite to see you in.

“Oh?” You hum as you take the shirt from his hands.

“Yeah, he wanted to discuss maybe partnering with us.” Shawn grunts as he starts to change his own clothes.

“With us?” You deadpan, looking up at him.

Shawn looks over his shoulder at the sound of your question, stopping his actions to turn and look at you.

“Yeah.”

“Us? I’m-”

“He publishes books,” Shawn grins, “We sell books.”

You nod dumbly, still confused that someone wants to partner.

“He was wondering if we might be interested in sponsoring a few of his new authors, maybe give them a shelf or two, the room to do a signing.”

“He wants to do that with us?”

“Yes,” Shawn laughs at your skepticism, “He’s an old friend but said he’s noticing the rapid success of your store and thought that maybe if he partnered with us the younger audience that your store draws might help kickstart a fanbase.”

You just blink at him.

“I’ll go over all the paperwork he sent over, but I think it’s a good deal, he’d be sponsoring us much the same we’d do for him.”

“If you think it’s a good deal then fucking do it, I trust you more than my own opinions here.”

Shawn grins, shaking his head, crawling towards you on the bed to plant a steamy kiss to your lips. “You’re so fucking cute,” He murmurs against your lips.

**

A month later your store is filled with a line out the door and wrapped around the building for the first book signing you’ll sponsor.

Niall is here, planted firmly in the cafe corner, laptop open, charger plugged into the wall to make sure he’s not gonna crash as he works through the signing.

Shawn’s here to support, ready to help in anyway he can. But the more you watch from a distance behind the counter the more you’re wishing he wasn’t here.

He’s getting quite close to the author.

She’s gorgeous, long brown hair, brown sparkly eyes, perfect eyebrows and cheekbones. She is an incredible author, and honestly you’ve become a big fan after reading the first copies of a few of her books that Niall sent over last week. But the more she’s making eyes at Shawn, touching his arm, and laughing at everything he has to say has her leaving a sour taste in your mouth.

But slowly your becoming hurt with the way he’s not pushing her off, and how he keeps stepping just a little closer.

You take a deep breath, turning to look at Aaliyah and seeing that she’s struggling a little with keeping up with the line of book hungry teens.

You decide that you don’t have time to stand and watch your perfect boyfriend flirt with the perfect girl in front of him, you’ve got work to do. So, you roll up your sleeves slip behind Aaliyah to get to the other register and start ringing up the next customer.

The store is crazy destroyed by the time you closed. Aaliyah was feeling stressed and little under the weather when you locked the doors to start the closing process, so you sent her home promising that you could handle it on your own.

Shawn had tried to kiss you goodbye, after walking Hailee, the author, to her car and giving her a big hug before she got in. You turned your head so he had to kiss your cheek, and then stalked off to start cleaning before he had the chance to ask what was up.

He leaves hesitantly, guiding Aaliyah through the door to take her home, but watches you from the windows, noticing the deep frown on your face and the way your shoulders are slumped as you start to count the registers.

“Was she like that all day?” He asks his sister, pointing at you once they’re both seated in the car.

“What?” Aaliyah looks up, and the sees what he’s pointing at. “Oh, um, she was fine this morning, really excited. But like as the day went on it was like something was constantly bugging her and bringing her mood down. I tried to talk to her about it but she just kept saying ‘I’ve got work to do, no time to waste on dumb things’.”

Shawn’s brows furrow and he watches you for a minute before driving away to drop Aaliyah off.

By the time he makes it back to help and pick you up his poor thumb nail is practically non existent, he wants to know what’s wrong and got you feeling down.

He knocks at the door, peaking through the window so you can see him to let him in. You turn and look over your shoulder with wide eyes and then they soften a bit when you recognize him.

You scramble for your keys and unlock the door, “What are you doing here?”

His eyes narrow on you in confusion, “I’m here to help, and take you back home?”

“Oh,” You look back at the cafe where Lauren was cleaning up. You had told her about Shawn and Hailee and how they had acted all day, and she offered to give you a ride home since you rode in with Shawn. “Lauren was gonna drive me.”

Shawn looks over your shoulder to Lauren, catching her glare, his heart beat picking up a bit.

“But I thought you were staying over?”

“I think I’m just gonna go back to mine, I’m really tired and just wanna sleep.”

“And what did you think you’d being doing at mine? Going to Vegas and staying up all night. I’m tired too, I just wanna go to bed with you.” He lowers his voice and reaching for your hand, but gasping a bit when you don’t let him hold it. “What’s wrong?”

You sigh, shaking your head as your turn to fix the front table display.

“Hey.” He grabs your wrist, turning to you back to him. “Talk to me, what’s wrong?”

“It’s stupid.”

He eyes you, knowing that you need some time before you really start to talk to him about what’s going on in your head. So he nods, “Well I’m here when you’re ready okay? I saw you got a few shipments in the back? Can I help move and unbox them for you?”

“Sure.” You shrug, going back to your work and trying to not let his cute little puppy look break you down.

So for the next hour, after Lauren leaves once you tell her that you can handle Shawn, it’s just the two of you. Shawn’s back and forth from the back to the front bringing out more books. But every time you go to start cleaning something else there’s a random book sitting in front of you.

The first time it’s ‘Beautiful Boss’ by Christina Lauren, and you look around confused why a romance novel would be in the Syfy section.

The second time it’s ‘P.S. I Still Love You.’ by Jenny Han, and you roll your eyes since it’s a Young Adult in the Cooking shelf.

The third time is after you’ve corrected Shawn on how he set something up, and you were a little harsh with how you told him. You giggle a little when you see ‘Disarm’ with a sticky note under the title that says ‘Please, I’m still learning.’

You look at him while he’s focusing on getting the sign just right, small pout on your lips at how hard he’s trying for you.

The final time you notice a book it’s ‘Lucky in Love’ with another sticky note that says ‘with you!!’.

You sigh, smiling as you look up at him. He’s watching you over a bookshelf, his height allowing him to spy.

“Stop being cute when I’m mad at you.” You whine, making him grin and rush around the shelf to you.

“Why are you mad?” He asks softly, setting the books he was holding down.

“I don’t know, why don’t you go ask Hailee.”

His eyes go wide and he sighs, “Oh Honey.”

“Don’t ‘Honey’ me, you seemed more interested in what she had to say than me.”

“That’s not true.”

“You know what,” You sigh, knowing that you sound ridiculous, “I think I’m just gonna go over to Lauren’s.”

“No, you’re not.” Shawn blocks your path to the counter.

“I’m not in the mood to fight.”

His eyes bug a little, “I didn’t realize we were fighting.”

“Shawn,” You sigh, looking up at him with hurt eyes.

“Baby,” He whines, wrapping his arms around you. “What’s really the matter?”

You take a deep breathe, “The real matter is that I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“I’m scared that one of these days you’re gonna meet someone like Hailee, who’s got her life figured out and is perfect and looks perfect, and you’re gonna realize that you need to be with someone like that and not someone like me. That you want someone who can challenge you, and be up to the standards that you live. Someone who isn’t prone to failing and needing you to bail her out of her life.”

Shawn’s heart drops when he hears you speak this way. He was absolutely in love with you, and he couldn’t stand the fact that you felt like he was bailing you out.

“Hey,” He tilts your chin up since your looking at his chest to avoid eye contact. “Listen to me okay?”

“Sure,” You sigh.

“No hey,” He dips his chin so you have to look him in the eye. “I’m in love with you. I’m in love with your passion, and opinions. I’m in love with the way your brain works, and the way you fight for what you want. I’m in love with the way that you don’t know what you want your life to be, because we’re fucking 21 years old, we shouldn’t have to know what our lives are. You think you don’t challenge me? You piss me off and frustrate me all the time because you make me think of things in a different way, you have different ideas to everything. And while I think one way you think another, and you’re always right. Always, so I love that side of you too, because it challenges me. Also, I really don’t care what you say, but you are perfect. You are my definition of perfect.”

“Shawn,” You whimper, looking up at him with tearful eyes.

“So no, you won’t be staying at Lauren’s because I’ve planned a late dinner and a romantic bubble bath to celebrate the first signing.”

You gape at him as he pulls you closer. Nuzzling into your neck, nosing right behind your ear.

“And we’re not allowed to just not come home, remember?”

**

Shawn wonders out of his room and down the hall to find you standing at his kitchen counter making coffee with a book in your hand. He can’t help himself but to stare for a moment. There you stand with your hair in messy bun, and his favorite nighty of yours hugging you tightly.

The tattoo on your hip teases him as you reach up onto your toes for your mug, but your eyes never leave your book, too entranced in the story to look away.

The fresh hickey on your neck flashes at him when he starts to move closer, taunting him to add more. He presses himself right behind you, reaching up for you to get your mug down.

“I love how you wear this when we fight,” He hums into your neck, planting a little wet kiss to your new purple temporary tattoo.

“It’s your favorite.” You whisper back. “And I’m sorry for insinuating the things I did.”

“Stop,” He hushes you, turning you so you’re facing him. “We did the apologies already.” He lifts you up onto the counter. “Had the make up sex.” He grins. “We’re good to go.”

“So you’re not in the mood for more make up sex?” You ask with a sly grin.

“How about some ‘you’re in my favorite negligee and I’m really in love with you’ sex?” He hoists you up, biting his lip as you wrap your legs around his waist, hands digging into his curls.

“That sounds so fucking perfect.” You moan as he sucks another bruise to your neck.

**

This time when he wakes up alone in bed he finds you in the little makeshift nook he made for you. The chair in the corner of his office big and comfy and you sink right into it.

“I’m gonna get you a house with a room line with shelves and a comfy spot for you to read in.” He sighs, flopping next to you on your chair, well it’s more of a loveseat, hand rested on your bare thigh, riding up his Sting t shirt you’re now wearing.

“Can your desk still be in the room with me? So you’re not too far away?”

“You can literally have anything you want.” He hums, taking your book from your hand, folding the corner on your page and setting it on the ground so he can lean you back and lay on you.

“Just you,” You whisper, leaning forward to kiss his nose. “Just want you.”

“Mmm, you have me.” He nods. “So let me spoil you.”

“You do.”

“So you’ll let me buy us a home? With a library ready to be filled with your favorite stories?”

“Are you asking me to move in with you?”

“We practically already live together Babe, it’s just a juggle between your place and mine.”

“So why can’t we just move into here, the condo?”

He sighs, dropping his head to your chest and groaning, “Because the house I bought has a room lined with shelves, enough room for your chair or a couch, or both, whatever you want.”

“Shawn?” “So can I give you the key now?”

“Does it have room for your desk?” You ask softly.

“Babe my office is conjoined to your library by french doors. You really think I can be away from you?”

“Really?” You let a small smile light up your features.

“And it’s got a kitchen island like you always talk about, and a room that can be made into a nursery at some point. The backyard is huge, plenty of room to build a treehouse.”

“You bought us a home?”

“I bought you a home.” He nods.

“Baby!” You sob, throwing your arms around his neck and pulling him into you. “You bought us a home!”

**

It’s early this Sunday morning, you and Shawn are walking around like the sleep deprived zombies you are.

This week has consisted of packing up your place, packing his place, moving to the new house in the neighborhood that’s exactly halfway from the store and the office, and unpacking.

Shawn through a little fit when you asked him to come with you this morning to the store to be there for the bookfair delivery, and to help you set it up for tomorrow. After you explained that you were a little nervous about how early the delivery was, and how the guy treated you the last time no one was convincing Shawn that he wasn’t going.

The back storage room is jam packed with boxes upon boxes, and displays for days.

The store was sponsoring the local elementary schools Book Fair, which is bringing in money for you and the attention from all the parents and teachers in tow.

You were standing in your new Young Adult section for the time being, replacing the John Green and making sure to have tons in backstock as well when Shawn came running by.

“Babe!”

“Yeah Honey,” You look up at his excited features.

“Check out the new printing.” He eyes the book he’s outstretched to you, ‘Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets’.

You’re a little confused because this copy looks pretty worn, the spine bent, pages creases, corners folded. “Okay?” You cautiously take the book, noticing it feels a little lighter than you were expecting. You flip open the cover and gasp at what you see.

There in the middle of all the pages, Shawn’s gone out and cut a square out of the middle of the book and placed a ring box inside.

“Oh wait,” He snaps, getting you to look up at him. “That’s my copy that I made after the night I met you and you told me that if someone ever proposed to you like this that you’d say yes times a million.” He grins as he sees the tears in your eyes.

He reaches inside and plucks the box from the book, dropping to his knee in front of you and popping the box open, revealing your dream ring. It’s a simple silver ring, cut to look like rope that meets in the middle to look like a knot.

“Shawn,” You gasp.

“Let me give you your happily ever after, the next part to your everlasting series, and the greatest epilogue to the best story ever. Baby will you marry me?”

**

It was finally the day, with the store and life changing between you and Shawn, you lost track of time since you’d asked him.

But today marks five years without Pa, and it was your tradition to have a picnic with him.

You sit between Shawn’s legs, back against his chest, head rested back on his shoulder as you trace the quote you had engraved on Pa’s tombstone.

‘Create your own happily ever after’.

Shawn kisses your neck as his hand sneaks around to rest on your small baby bump, hand just about as big as the bump itself.

“I did it Pa,” You whisper, smiling as you cuddle closer to Shawn, fiddling with your ring he’s wearing. “I made my own happily ever after.”