#(THAT SAID please read ALL of what's written AND THE LINKED POSTS Carefully PLEASE)

[taintandviolent]

Trust ; Kai Anderson x virgin!reader

summary: Kai finds out that reader is a virgin, and decides he’s going to change that.

word count & w a r n i n g s: 2.3K | female reader, smut, use of y/n, mentions of God (referring to himself as God), coercion, manipulation/gaslighting, dub-con (kinda???), handjobs, loss of virignity, penetration (p in v), praise (though it’s Kai so… don't get too comfy with it, it's probably fake).

a/n: requested by @jazz-berry ages ago! I struggled a little bit with this one for reasons unbeknownst to me. anyway, I hope everyone enjoys it! divider by @/strangergraphics!!

full fic under cut! ↓ / ao3 link here! / I don’t have a taglist anymore, but please turn on post notifications if you’d like to be notified of future fics!

“It’s not like anyone here is a virgin. Besides —“ 

“I am.” You blurt, without thinking. 

Being a virgin in your early twenties seemed horribly embarrassing— although it was your body, your choice and all that. Empowerment, wrapped up with a pretty pink bow of lingering innocence. Still, the last thing you wanted was Kai knowing that, and seeing you as any different. So why had you said it? 

Silent, he seemed to dwell on the thought he was having, though his face gave no indication of what it was; impassive, stoic even. 

“Y/N.” His voice is low, commanding. It’s the voice he uses before someone gets an opportunity to do something great for him. The voice he uses before he tests someone’s loyalty. He gets up from his chair and walks over to the table. 

“Sit with me.”

He gestures to the table you fear most. The pinky promise table. You’d never been summoned to the table, never stepped out of line, or perhaps never stuck out enough to be summoned. Now, you have apparently. 

You unfold your legs carefully and get to your feet, wiping your hands on the front of your dress, smoothing out the wrinkles that had settled from sitting down. The rest of the cult waits on bated breath, waiting to see what unfolds. Kai seems to realize this, and turns to them, waving his hand dismissively. “This meeting is over. You all know what you need to do.” 

You pause and turn with intentions of joining the others as they leave. Kai immediately stops you with a stern, large hand on the roundest part of your shoulder 

“Not you. Sit down.” He forces you down into the chair, your butt hitting the cushion hard. He joins you at the table, quietly and for a moment, only stares. Takes you in, like there are words written on your face and he’s reading them. Fuck. 

Finally, one hand comes up, pinky extended. You lean forward, obediently, and link pinkies with him, wrapping your smaller one around his. 

“Are you loyal to this cult?” 

“Yes.” Easy question. You were undyingly loyal, perhaps to a fault. 

“Why?” 

You swallow. “Because I believe in its cause. I believe in your —“ 

His grip on your pinky tightens. “Don’t lie to me. That’s not what we do at this table, is it?”

You swallow. It’s like he knows, like he’s clairvoyant and can pick through all the parts of your brain that you’re hiding. Dig around like a child in a box of crayons, searching for the right one. 

Sheepishly, you shake your head.

“Try again,” he breathes, adjusting his body slightly. Irritated?

“You. I’m loyal because of you… I believe in you. I feel like you can fix this country, you can be the man that guides us all in the right direction. When I’m around you, I feel… I feel like it’s right.” 

His closed lips stretch into a smile and he huffs out a laugh through his nose. You shift around uncomfortably, adjusting your elbow’s position on the table. He’s so hard to read most of the time, and when he does finally give you an indication, it’s usually horrifying. 

“Were you lying about being a virgin?” 

“No…. Why would I lie about that?” 

“To get my attention.” 

You furrowed your brows and shook your head again, this time slower. You were confused why that, of all things, would get his attention. “No, Divine Ruler. I am.” 

Still holding onto your pinky, he leans back into his chair. The action pulls you forward across the table and you let out a little mewl. 

“I knew you were special,” he starts, looking up at the pendant light that hangs above the table. “I knew, from the moment you became a part of my cause, that you were destined for more.” 

You almost choke at his next words. 

“And that’s why you need to let me take your virginity.” 

You can’t help but gawk, your bottom jaw falling. Had he just said what you thought? After all the missions, the campaigning, the rallying, and he’d never given any indication of personal feelings towards you and now he was going to fuck you? 

“I… I don’t know.” 

“Yes, you do. Do you think I’m stupid? You think I haven’t noticed the way you stare at me, hang on my every word?” 

He’d noticed. You gulped down your feelings, your pinky twitching in his grip. 

“You’ve even dressed for the occasion.” 

You look down at your attire as though it’s the first time seeing it; a modest, white, linen summer dress that buttons down the front. You’d picked it because of the weather. But Kai thinks otherwise. He lets go of your pinky and pushes his hands into the table to lift himself up. You watch, your eyes trailing like weights, as he moves around the table. 

“I am your God. Say it.” 

“You are… m-my God.” 

“And you trust in your God. You trust him to do whatever needs to be done.” 

Your voice wavers as you speak.  “I trust in my God. I trust him to do whatever needs to be done.” 

Kai takes your hand, lifting it. You raise with it, trying to control your nerves in a way that doesn’t betray them. So far, you’re failing. Sudden closeness brings a whimper from your mouth as Kai is hoisting you into his strong, toned arms. He sets you down on the table, wordlessly. Oh god, you think. He’s going to fuck me. 

Though terrifying, the thought tantalizes you and you can’t ignore the sudden wetness that’s pooling between your legs, soaking into the fibers of your cotton underwear. 

“You’re doing the right thing.” Kai says, low. His fingers brush your hair away from your neck, exposing it. You shudder in response. “You’re doing this for the greater good.” 

You don’t even know what that means, truly. Somewhere in your conscience, buried amongst the arousal, you know he’s manipulating you, coercing you but you can’t and won’t do anything to stop it. You don’t want to – and take a breath, inhaling the heady scent of him. You lean forward slightly, pouting your lips. 

“I am?”

“You absolutely are.” 

He’s so convincing. Your silly little brain buzzes with the contact as his hands trail up your thighs, scooping the dress up to your hips where it gathers in creamy, white pleats. Who are you to deny him? 

“You’re the most loyal follower I have, and you want me to do this. You’ve told me.” 

“No… I’ve never…” 

He tuts his tongue against his teeth, shaking his head. Insisting. “You’ve told me without telling me. I’m very in tune with my followers, Y/N.” 

You nodded, knowing full well that you had – it wasn’t some secret and if Kai had paid attention even a little bit, he would’ve noticed all the times you volunteered to be close to him, to please him, to praise him, and even worship him. 

It’s terrifying once his hands slip between your legs, tugging curiously at the elastic of your underwear. It’s terrifying, but you want to crush your mouth against his and suck on his bottom lip until it turns purple. Being aroused wasn’t new to you, you knew very well what that felt like. It was a feeling that consumed you almost every single time you’d been around Kai, almost as volatile of an emotion as jealousy when he’d pay attention to Meadow, or Winter, or any other female in the cult. 

“Look at that,” he says, low. Your cotton underwear, in a skin tone shade, is swinging back and forth, hung on his index finger. The wet spot that’s grown on the crotch is telling, embarrassing and unavoidable. Your head hangs heavy, like a scolded child. Kai presses a single finger to your chin, lifting it again and forcing you to look at him.

“Like I said, you’ve told me.” 

Kai moves quickly after that, undressing himself completely and standing proudly, not an iota of insecurity or doubt present. Unlike you. His large cock hangs heavy in front of you, having gradually stiffened at the discussion? At the thought of your virginity? Who knows. 

“Touch it,” he orders, and you respond by lurching your hard forward, drawn like a piece of metal to a magnet. Your hand closes around his semi-hard shaft. It’s warm to the touch and velvet soft. Instinctively, you begin moving your hand, jerking him off. 

“Good. Good.” He hisses. “You’re doing such a good job.” 

Praise. Praise from him feels like slipping into a warm bath after a long day, like sugar on the tongue, like the first buzzes of being very drunk. You’ve craved it for so long, and up until this point, have relied solely on superficial praises. Nothing like this. His hips jerk once, his cock twitching in your grasp. It’s stiffened almost to capacity now, and Kai rips his hips away from you, groaning deep in his throat. His eyes are locked on you; two, black ink wells that seem to go on forever. You swallow your nerves again, hoping he doesn’t notice. 

“Scoot closer,” he urges, pumping himself in and out of his tight fist. Beads of pre-cum dribble from the tip, which he quickly swipes over and drags down his shaft.

You obey, and shimmy yourself closer to the edge of the table until your toes almost touch the floor beneath you. Kai slots himself in between your thighs, holding one of them tight against his hip. He takes a moment to line himself up, smearing the flushed head against your slick folds. Your arousal spreads, coating the tip, which moments later, breaches your entrance, pushing deeper. It’s immensely painful at first; fire explodes between your legs in a searing, stretching sting, and you quite literally feel the rip as Kai steals your innocence, mercilessly.

“It hurts, doesn’t it? You’re being so brave. I’m so proud of you.” 

His dick twitches inside you, you can feel the subtle movement in your cunt. Then, without warning, Kai drives his dick all the way inside you, bottoming out in a flash of pain and an overwhelming sensation of fullness. In an out of character act of mercy, Kai notices how your face contorts, how delicately you’re wincing and trying to be brave. He pauses for a moment, letting you adjust to the new feeling. 

You swallow hard again and bring your hands up to his toned shoulders, finding a place of leverage where you can pull yourself up slightly to alleviate some of the pain. Most women, you assumed, had a vision of how their first time would go – and you supposed, at some point, you did too, but now, you’d forgotten it, enraptured by the feeling of your stuffed cunt, where the burn had subsided into a dull ache. The dull ache was hungry and brought you forward onto his cock, wiggling your hips slightly. 

“Are you ready?”

You nod, letting out a small squeak of approval. Kai back his hips out and you look between your legs; his thick cock is coated in clear fluid, your fluid. You see the look in his half-lidded eyes, heavy with lust and hunger. Holding tight onto your plush hip, he spears you again with his cock and this time, doesn’t stop thrusting. He finds a rhythm very quickly, and before you have time to process it, he’s pounding into you. Your pussy responds by getting wetter, adding more lubrication for the beating that your pussy is taking. Obscene, wet sounds fill the basement room, echoing in your mind to serve as a reminder of what’s happening.

“Good, good girl. You’re taking it so well.” 

You nod, pleasurable whines broken by the repeated force of his thrusts. You lean forward slightly, resting your head on his chest as he fucks you, your cheek pressed just above his pectoral muscle. Kai’s hands drift around your back, and one latches onto the back of your neck, pressing your face tighter against his body. You can’t tell if it’s an act of tenderness or one of malice – but your body responds by shuddering closer to him, wrapping your arms around his neck, too. 

It hits you suddenly; a pressure on your lower abdomen and a burning, but not the same kind of burn as before – it’s a new one. It feels like you’re holding back piss, but you know deep down you don’t have to. 

“Oh god,” you whisper. 

“What?” He asks, no concern in his voice. It’s more of an automated response than a caring one. 

“I feel like… I’m going to… oh god.” 

You feel Kai nod. “Good, let go.” 

The coil in your stomach winds tighter and after a few more thrusts, hitting a deep spot within you, snaps. You cry out as your cunt clenches around his cock, fluttering desperately in slick, dripping pulses. His thrusts get more feverish then, less controlled, and you feel the way his breathing hitches in his throat, his chest rising and falling with uneven pants. 

“Tell me what you want me to do,” he rasps. 

“I…” You hesitate. 

“Tell me, god damnit!” 

You jump and quickly stammer out an answer. “I want you to cum inside me! Please!” 

He does. Hard. 

In fact, he loses it so hard in you, pumping it deep inside your warm cunt that you feel it squeezing, dripping out the sides and pooling beneath you on the table. Kai doesn’t stop until his cock starts to soften within you, and only then does he pull out, backing his hips away from you. You whimper as his dick leaves you, but the physical contact remains. He still stands in front of you with a heaving chest, and strands of blue hair falling into his face.  

“Am I special, Kai?” 

“You are,” he responds, reaching up to brush the hair from your face. “And I’ll make sure everyone knows that.” 

[empiropediazine]

Contributor Applications!

It's finally here! :D

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Link to the applications

Just a few notes before you apply: This zine will require you to be over the age of 15 in order to apply. Applications open today, Sunday the 11th (at midnight GMT) , and will close three weeks from now, on March 3rd (at 11:59 GMT). Please fill in the form carefully, but if you make a mistake you can just send in a new form!

If this is your first time hearing about our zine, or you just want to know a bit more about the zine, we will put some extra info under "Read more"

What's all this then?

Empiropedia is a zine focused on Season 1 of Empires SMP and its worldbuilding. The zine will be structured, as the name suggests, a bit like an encyclopedia! It will be an in-universe collection of historical records from the various empires and it will feature both writing and illustrations. The zne will also be completely free!

What can I expect if I get in?

If you get into the zine you will be assigned one (or potentially more, depending on what you answered in the form) empire and category to work on. This zine allows for a big variety of styles and techniques to be applied for both writers and artists, so if you've been looking to experiment a bit this might be the place for you!

Where do I find more info regarding the categories?

We have made three different posts with all the explanations for every category that's been included in the zine:

Writing caregories

Portraiture and architecture

Clothing, creature, and prop design

Can I apply if I don't have drawn/written anything Empires-related before?

Feel free to apply, but without at least one Empires SMP related piece there's a lower chance you will get into the zine.

Can I apply if I've never watched Empires SMP?

As previously stated, this zine focuses heavily on worldbuilding, so it requires at least basic knowledge of the lore of whatever empire you apply to. If you think that you possess said knowledge even without having watched any of the POVs feel free to apply, but we will most likely be favouring people who did watch the series.

[quinloki]

quin-uhhh:

would you?!

Fic authors self rec! When you receive this, reply with favorite five fics you've written (include links, and if you want- a few thoughts about each one), then pass on to at least five other writers if you're up for it. Spread the self-love ✨

If you don't, I'll just... I'll just... well I won't do a thing but please?!

many fist pumps,

▲ I'm a symbol now

\o/ Tri, my sweet friend, you are - if anything - a symbol of good cheer =D ♥

Let's see, five favorite fics I've written. That's much easier than trying to pick just one ^_^

Birds of a Feather Marco/Reader ( tumblr / Ao3 / Wattpad ) - This is my most recently completed fic, at least at the time of this post, but I love it so much. My passion for Marco feels like it came out of nowhere and has made itself reigning champion in my thoughts. But a story I expected to be relatively short, ended up almost twice as long as I expected, and it was so easy. It was fun to write, and I think it goes down smooth, despite being nearly 90k words people consistently devour it in a single sitting.

Quicksand Sir Crocodile/Reader ( tumblr / Ao3 / Wattpad ) - Not sure if you're a fan of the sandy crocodile-themed warlord? Tread carefully, reading this title is statistically likely to convert you. Quicksand has an alternative ending because the story was originally intended to be a very dark Yandere - to the point that Doflamingo would've been the "good" guy. That's not how things went, and I'm quite glad for it. Quicksand going its own direction is what helped seal the deal in creating the Tales of the Grandline Metropolis, which is currently 3.8 completed stories. (it'll be at least 8 before it's done).

A Light Touch Eustass Kid/Reader ( Ao3 / Wattpad ) - My first Eustass Kid/Reader story. Set in the same AU as Quicksand, it was started from a pun, of all things. I figured Kid would be fancy tech stuff like neural-linked prosthetics, and the idea that would make a prosthetic for the reader after they lost a hand was something I wanted to write. Creating something like that would take a light touch, and if it glowed, that would be a different kind of light touch and getting close to Kid requires a light-- you get the point. Like I said, it's all based off a pun, but I'm really proud of the story, it's one of my favorite re-reads.

Some Direction Zoro/Reader (tumblr / Ao3 / Wattpad ) - A Modern AU where the government mandates who you marry. I have to give thanks to @lyndsyh24 for not only inspiring me to write this one (start to finish in a single month, I was obsessed!) but also for allowing my to play in the AU she'd built up. From Matchbook to the laws themselves, it's all thanks to Lyn. Zoro started out as one of my favorite characters in the series - I still have love for him, and I'm always happy to write him, but he's taken a bit of a back seat to my top three. Still Some Direction is a story I'm really proud of - even if I worry there'll be a mob after me for who the antagonist is 😅

Family Ties Doflamingo/Reader ( Ao3 / Wattpad ) - I was torn on this last choice - even with five slots it's hard to decide between stories I suppose ^^; Also, oops, apparently I only put the first ten chapters on tumblr... I need to fix that >.> Ahem, anyway, Family Ties is the first fic I wrote after over ten years of not writing at all. It's my first reader insert, my first true multi-chapter too. When I wrote it, it was the longest fic I'd written by nearly 50k words. I wrote it because I wanted a more morally ambiguous reader compared to what I'd been reading. It's not a dark fic though, it's pretty tooth-achingly sweet, honestly, but it's currently the only fic I have where the reader is a murderer in a very undisputed and direct manner.

Honorable mention I almost posted as piece 5 - The Dragon's Clause - my Sabo/Reader Noble/Fantasy/Magic AU, and also the only title I mention that's incomplete. But it's a an ode to my favorite genre, and a great many of my favorite tropes.

[emry-stars-art]

JELLY NEIL AND SHARK DREW PRETTY PLEASE（╹◡╹）♡

I AM NOT JOKING I WOULD READ >100k WORDS ABOUT THEM FUCK IT LETS SAY INFINITE CUZ THAT NUMBER IS CLOSER TO WHAT I HAD IN MIND, I WOULD LOVE TO READ ABOUT THEIR DAY TO DAY LIVES BECAUSE YOU’RE AN AMAZING WRITER AND AN INCREDIBLE ARTIST AND I KNOW FOR SURE YOU WOULD MAKE THAT INTERESTING. YOU ARE SO CREATIVE AND IT SHOWS- I MEAN LOOK AT YOUR AUS THEY ARE SO COMPLEX AND SO INTERESTING AND SO WELL WRITTEN AND THE ART OH THE ART AHHHHHHHHHHHH WHEN I LOOK AT YOUR ART OF THEM ALL IM THINKING ABOUT IS “THATS WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE THATS HOW I IMAGINE THEM”

(Also I agree with previous anon i also love the royal au (°▽°)) AND I C A N N O T STOP REREADING THE POSTS YOU MAKE ABOUT THEM)

YOU MAKE YOUR AUS SO SO INTERESTING IM ALWAYS SO DRAWN TO THEM

I LOVE YOUR ANDREIL AND AUS SO MUCHHhhhhh

Sry for rumbling but I really liked that wip you posted and I just HAD to let you know I love how jellyNeils and Shardrews relationship is progressing and how they’re beginning to communicate it’s so cute (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵) ALSO LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE WHALEMACK? HAH

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))♡

(Anon when I tell you I am on the verge of TEARS. SOBBING EVEN. How dare u come into my inbox and be so nice and then APOLOGIZE for it. LIVE LAUGH LOVE WHALEMACK. CRYING

Thank YOU, you beautiful nice people and messages like these are the entire reason I have the drive to put so much work into this stuff so give yourselves a little credit too!! Man how do I even continue from this. Genuinely thank you so much 🥹 you deserve so many mer cuddles) ⤵️

8 nov 2023 ww game

Find the mer au masterpost here 💕

"You still can't carry me," Andrew said. Neil chirped.

"Carry," it said. Andrew heaved a breath.

"You know what? Fine. But if you sting me too much I'm not doing it."

Neil seemed pleased as Andrew let himself drift down, hesitating before he touched Neil's skin. This was foreign. He'd never slept on anyone's chest before, but he wouldn't be able to hang onto Neil in his sleep. Not like he could Aaron. So Neil would have to hang onto him.

Its skin was only a little textured, mostly slippery soft under Andrew's. The bell especially was pillowy and giving, doing almost nothing to support Andrew's tail but it was something. Neil's body held up Andrew's with only a little sinking. Its arms wrapped around Andrew's shoulders as Andrew linked his own around Neil's middle. Neil's claws pressed lightly against his back. Carefully, Andrew rested his head high on Neil's chest and felt its heartbeat under his cheek.

It must not have been a long sleep, but Andrew never once was jolted from it. He didn't feel vaguely panicky like he did when he slept on his own. He slept soundly through the time Neil gave him, and when Neil chirped to wake him, Andrew felt a little better.

[fatphobiabusters]

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Fatphobia Busters: Ask Policy

Last Updated in February of 2019.

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However, if it’s obvious to you immediately that your ask is going to be really long, please make sure you send a submission instead. It is a lot easier to respond to that way and is easier for our followers to read.

Rule Four: Tell us if you want your ask to remain anonymous, and we shall post it as such. If you forgot to press the “anonymous” button or didn’t log out before sending us something and want us to know that you don’t want it posted with your name attached, just let us know as soon as you possibly can.

Also, please make sure you let us know if you want your ask answered privately. We don’t have to post anything that you don’t want posted!

Rule Five: If your ask is an emergency, time sensitive, or otherwise needs to be answered right away, please tell us that in your ask!

State it very clearly for us so that we don’t miss it; we have had time sensitive asks before that we didn’t get to until it was too late because at first glance, they didn’t seem nearly as serious or time sensitive as they were.

Remember we have busy lives and are often unable to answer asks right away, and sometimes let things go unanswered for months; if your ask absolutely needs to be answered, you have to let us know that right away!

Note: this rule also applies to submissions.

Rule Six: Do not get mad at us if we don’t answer you right away. It just means we have other things going on in our lives and can’t devote time to sitting at a computer and answering every question people have.

Remember, too, that several of the mods regularly utilize the queue. If it seems like our blog is really active on a given day, and yet no one seems to be answering you, that could mean that we aren’t actually on Tumblr and all of the posts you’re seeing were queued a while ago.

Usually, queued posts will be tagged as such, but XKit doesn’t always do this, and tagging on mobile is more difficult than tagging on the computer, so mobile posts often aren’t tagged. That means you won’t always know just by looking at it if the post was posted just now or if it was queued ages ago.

(Side note: we completely apologize for any untagged posts, or posts that are not tagged well. Please let us know if this is a problem or if we forgot to tag a trigger on a post that you really need us to tag.)

Note: this rule also applies to submissions.

Rule Seven: We get many, many asks, and sometimes, we can’t keep up with them. There are a lot of reasons why this might be, and we don’t have time to go through every reason. However, we can say that we do have a solution to this problem, one about which you need to be aware.

If the inbox reaches a certain number of asks (usually 100 or more) and we’re having trouble keeping up, we’ll turn the inbox off completely. That means you will not be able to send us asks for a period of time.

Please be patient with us; we will open the inbox for you again soon. We want to get to your asks as timely as possible. but we want to make sure we answer them well. We can’t do that if we are rushing, or are overwhelmed with stress from the number of asks we have received.

(Side note: We might turn off anonymous asks, but not all asks, if we are getting to much hate mail at a particular time. If we get too many asks of a hostile nature, especially if they are anonymous, we will turn anonymous asks off until it seems safe to turn them on again. Do not make us do that; people need anonymous asks in order to talk to us and feel safe and secure while doing so. Don’t take that safety and peace of mind away from others. You shouldn’t want to be responsible for that. )

As much as we appreciate that you like what we do, we’re human. We have our feelings and our own lives. And we want to make sure we give everyone equal time and respected answers while at the same time keeping our well being in check. We want to take care of ourselves too.

Note: this rule also applies to submissions.

Rule Eight: Please don’t ask us anything about topics about which we aren’t experts or have no right or authority answering (topic examples: animals, physics, medical diagnoses).

We can really only answer questions about fatphobia and other forms of oppression as they apply to humans, how fatphobia is present in everyday life, etc., as well as our opinions on political or social events. Most other topics are not ones where we can give an informed opinion.

We are not doctors or veterinarians. We cannot give accurate diagnoses of you or your pets, nor can we give you information on other unrelated topics about which we don’t know.

So if you are going to ask us a question, please make sure it is something that we could actually answer. If any part of you is unsure whether we will be able to answer your question, it might be better to ask someone else.

If we can’t answer your question, we will try to direct you to someone who can, but it might be better just to not ask us something if you’re unsure we will be capable of answering accurately.

Please remember: We’re not therapists, we’re not lawyers, and we’re certainly not doctors. We’re just a group of people that like to help. We can’t know everything, and we don’t claim to know everything. So please try not to assume that we do, or expect that we can answer every single thing you might think to ask. And please remember that, since we don’t know you personally, know your medical history, etc., there is a lot that you know about yourself that we never could.

We are not here to give medical advice, professional mental help, or anything like that. Please do not come to us as if we are able to do that.

Note: this rule also applies to submissions.

Rule Nine: On that note, please don’t come to us demanding we “stop giving medical advice.”

The only “medical advice” we give is that people advocate for themselves, take care of their mental health, make choices that are right for them, educate themselves on the risks of commonly suggested procedures for fat people, recognize that doctors often suggest weight loss to fat patients when weight loss is not necessary, and be aware that medical fatphobia exists.

That’s it.

If you do not think people should be allowed to stand up to doctors who make them feel like they do not have their best interest in heart, if you think that doctors are flawless and never let their bigotry influence their work, if you think that fat people not trying to starve themselves or engage in risky or dangerous behaviors to lose weight is a bad thing, etc., you are on the wrong blog. Period.

We are not the problem; you are.

Note: this rule also applies to submissions.

Rule Ten: Please also remember not to ask us anything unrelated to fatphobia, sizeism, healthism, and the like! We don’t mind occasionally straying from that topic, but overall we are a fatphobia blog, and we want fatphobia to be our focus!

If you want to ask us an unrelated question, either ask us for our personal blogs so we can talk somewhere else, or try to find a different blog to answer your question. Social justice and feminist blogs, for example, are all over Tumblr; you don’t need to go to us for general questions about feminism, political parties, or the like.

This blog is for combatting fatphobia, for disproving fatphobic narratives, for calling attention to institutional fatphobia, for calling out diet culture and beauty culture, and for demolishing systems of oppression related to body size. That is our focus. And that is what we are going to be discussing here.

Note: this rule also applies to submissions.

Rule Eleven: Please remember that if we perceive your ask to be a personal attack, hate mail, or in any way cruel, violent, fatphobic, hateful, or rude, we may respond with anger or simply block you. Please be polite when you ask questions and please forgive us if we misinterpret your tone.

Is it possible we might mistake something you say as hate when it isn’t intended that way? Sure it is. We are only human, and we can only go by our own perceptions because we can’t hear your tone online and we don’t know your intentions if you don’t tell us. We will always be as kind and generous as we can be with people who are kind to us, but we are not perfect and sometimes we make mistakes. We apologize in advance.

Note: this rule also applies to submissions.

Rule Twelve: Regardless if we reply in a manner you find perfectly polite or not, we ask that you be understanding of our perspective and our emotions. Do not police our tone and the way we communicate with others. We have every right to be rude to people who were rude to us first.

We are kind, patient, calm, rational people, but being those things doesn’t mean we don’t get upset when others hurt or dehumanize us. And we are allowed to get upset. We are allowed to be mad. We are allowed to be uncomfortable when people treat us poorly. Even if that wasn’t their intention, even if they were “polite” about it, even if they were not overly hateful and cruel.

Being angry doesn’t make us immature, doesn’t make us pathetic, doesn’t make us childish, and doesn’t make us wrong. So please do not come to us to try to tell us we are wrong to be angry or that our anger reflects poorly on us.

If our anger towards fatphobia and health-based bigotry offends you more than fatphobia and health-based bigotry, we are not the problem. You are.

We will not tolerate being labeled unfairly or being tone policed simply for being mad that someone attacked us in our own inbox. Asks accusing us of being mean to people who sent hate mail will result in a block.

We do not owe people emotional labor, especially when they mistreat us. Be kind to us and we will be kind to you. We do not owe bullies that kindness.

Note: this rule also applies to submissions.

Rule Thirteen: We do not tolerate sealioning, trolling, bigotry, bullying, or other bullshit. Do not expect us to “debate” you or to entertain you. It is not our job to waste our time and emotional labor on people who hate fat people, harass fat people, etc.

We don’t have endless amounts of time to spend on this Earth, and we aren’t going to spend that time on people who come to us in bad faith or who greet us with aggression, hostility, anger, or fake concern.

Note: this rule also applies to submissions.

Finally: Please don’t feel the need to start your asks with an apology! So many of you tell us you feel bad for wasting our time or for bothering us before you send a message. We don’t need you to feel sorry for sending us a message, for taking up our time, etc.

We are more than happy to help you and to answer your questions, and it is a pleasure to do so! We love you all, and you mean so much to us! So don’t feel bad about contacting us, don’t feel guilty, and don’t worry about it!

We are happy to have you on our blog and we want to communicate with and be there for you. So there is no need to be sorry. 💖

Note: this rule also applies to submissions.

All of these rules are based on our real experiences with real people. These rules aren’t random or made for no reason. So please respect each and every one. It’s very important to us as it makes our blog much more wonderful for everyone.

Also, please remember: you are allowed to address your asks to a specific moderator if you so choose. Feel free to take advantage of that.

How To Write And Format Asks:

Now that you know the general rules of our ask box, it’s time to discuss how to actually format your ask. To make the lives of everyone involved easier, please try the following procedure before you send an ask.

First: Check to see if there is an answer to your question already posted to our blog. To do this, use the search bar at the top of our blog and type in any phrase, word, or tag relevant to your question.

You can see all of our previously posted asks by searching the “ask” tag (for all asks, even ones we reblogged from others) and “asked and answered” tag (for all asks we specifically answered), go to our “resource” or “reference” tags for scientific or otherwise important information, see all of our links by searching the “link” tag, or you can search a specific keyword related to your question.

For example, if you wanted to know our opinion about the show This is Us, you could type in “This is Us” in the search bar. The results should bring up every post tagged with “This is Us,” as well as posts that mention that phrase. From there, you should be able to figure out how we feel about the show without much hassle.

The search bar method works both on mobile and on the computer, so it shouldn’t be particularly difficult. You should be able to look through our tags at any time, without much trouble.

(Note: we are discussing adding a “Frequent Tags” page that would include any common tags or important tags so that you can more easily find what you are looking for, but this has not been finalized. At any rate, pages are only available on the computer version of Tumblr, so the search bar method is probably easier.)

Second: Check to see if the information you want could be found on one of the pages on our blog. We have both a Frequently Asked Questions page and a Resource page that contains a list of useful links and references.

You can find pages on our blog on the computer, but you will not be able to access these from mobile. So please keep that in mind.

(Note: If these pages are for some reason unavailable, it means we are currently updating them and they will be available again when we are done! So if you cannot find these pages, do not be discouraged; they will become available again eventually. Please check the pages for regular updates, too, because we make changes to our pages whenever necessary.)

Third: Do not use any racist, transphobic, antisemitic, misogynistic, ableist*, or otherwise offensive/oppressive language in your ask. We are very serious about this, and we will remind you every time you violate this rule.

*If you don’t know what words are ableist or not or need alternatives to ableist language, please go here. This is especially important because many of the mods and followers are mentally ill and/or disabled in some way, so we appreciate people who don’t use language that hurts us.

Note: this rule also applies to submissions.

Fourth: Make sure your question is as specific and accurate as possible. We can’t answer questions we do not understand.

If your question is not specific, clearly written, and well worded, it makes doing our job a lot harder. Please proofread your ask before you send it and try to keep it clear and concise. Thank you!

Note: this rule also applies to submissions.

For now, that’s all you need to know about sending asks! Let us know if you have any questions, or if anything was confusing for you. We are always happy to help you.

Please make sure you check out our Submissions Policy, Blog Rules, Do Not Interact List, and other important pages before attempting to interact with our blog.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and we hope you have a lovely day!

Sincerely,

The Fatphobia Busters Team

---

Last Updated in February, 2019.

Dear Current and Future Followers,

Thank you for taking the time to grace our blog with your presence. We appreciate you being here.

Below are all of the guidelines for sending submissions to our blog. Please review these guidelines carefully before sending us a submission.

We want to make sure everyone’s experience on our blog is as pleasurable as possible, and having people send submissions that are upsetting, are repeats of previous questions, or are full of unnecessary/offensive language make people’s experiences on our blog less delightful.

We want to be as useful of a resource to people as possible, but we cannot do that under negative conditions. Both the way you say something and what you specifically say are important, and can make a huge difference in how we perceive your ask or how we answer it, so please be aware of that and follow these guidelines closely.

In short, we have guidelines for your benefit. So please do your best to follow them.

Most of our guidelines for submissions are exactly the same as the guidelines for our asks, so please review our Ask Policy before you send us a submission as well! This page will only focus on the guidelines that are unique to submissions, but the guidelines in both pages apply at all times. Please keep that in mind when you write your submission.

If any of the guidelines are unclear to you (for example, if you don’t understand what a specific rule is asking or aren’t sure what would qualify as breaking that rule), or if you need further elaboration on any of the guidelines, please let us know. We are more than happy to help you with this.

Thank you for making an effort to learn our guidelines, for following them, and for being so thoughtful and understanding.

Submission Guidelines:

One: If the submission you are sending is in response to a post or ask already on our blog, please do not send us a submission. Reblog the post/ask or comment on the thread instead.

You can see our Ask Policy for more details about this rule, and for an explanation of why this rule is in place.

Two: For text submissions, please keep your submission as organized and as well written as possible so we can understand it. Make sure you use paragraphs, proofread, and explain things in detail, especially if your submission is long.

We cannot respond to you if we do not understand you, so making sure we can easily read what you wrote needs to be your priority. We need to know why you are sending this submission and what your submission is trying to say. Otherwise, we won’t know how to react to it.

Three: Please do not send anything even vaguely close to NSFW if you are under 18, even if you will be 18 soon.

We are so serious about this; this is not okay with us. No exceptions.

Note: This also applies to asks.

Four: Please remember before you submit something that this is not a porn blog and that minors follow us. If you are an adult, do not submit fully nude or sexual photos of any kind, or images with sexual captions.

This blog is not meant for your sexual gratification, and it is not meant for making sexual content or finding sexual partners. Please do not attempt to use the blog that way.

This is especially important given the new Tumblr guidelines. We do not want our blog to get in trouble because of you, and we do not want to put any of our followers in danger. Please consider this before you submit something.

Five: Include your age and gender pronouns in your selfie submissions so that we can compliment you properly. This only applies to pictures of yourself; we don’t need this for other things unless you feel it is relevant or important for us to know it.

Six: Please be respectful of other people’s selfie submissions. No bullying or body shaming, no sexual harassment, no misgendering, etc.

We will block you for this. Do not do it.

Note: This applies to replies, reblogs, and asks. Please don’t send asks mocking other people’s selfie submissions, or reblog them to add mean comments in any way! Make sure you don’t tag your reblogs with anything offensive or inappropriate, either!

Seven: If you are submitting screenshots of something you want us to address, such as a post you want us to debunk, please make sure you don’t leave out any context, and try to provide us with names and sources.

Do not submit someone else’s words or images as if they were your own, do not submit art or written work without credit, etc. We will not tolerate plagiarism of any kind.

On that note, do not take screenshots of posts if you know the person who wrote it would not be okay with that. Please do not violate anyone’s boundaries here.

Also, please try to include image descriptions if you can (we understand if, for longer screenshots or a collection of many screenshots, you find that difficult), and please explain to us why you are submitting this screenshot so that we know how to respond to it. This also goes for any links you submit to us as well. Be specific, please!

Eight: If you are submitting something to let us know someone has been mocking or speaking badly about the blog or its moderators, don’t. We don’t want to hear it. We get enough drama without you bringing more to us; if people do not like us, that is their problem. Please do not make it ours.

Nine: If we are not comfortable with a submission you have sent us, do not want to deal with that submission, do not understand your submission, or do not know how to respond to your submission, it is possible we will either ignore it for a while or delete it. Please remember this as you are writing your submission.

What we are comfortable answering may change on a given day. Some days, we are more willing to argue and to debate than others. Some days, we find it easier to understand the things in our inbox and find it easier to respond to them than others. There are times when we aren’t going to be sure how to deal with things, or where we just don’t feel up to it, and we need you to understand that.

We have gotten submissions before where we honestly had no idea what was being said. We didn’t know if it was pro fat or anti fat. We didn’t know if it was asking a question or making a statement. Etc. And sometimes, those kinds of submissions are easier to deal with than others.

Basically, what I’m asking is that you be considerate when you send submissions. Consider whether or not your submission is necessary. Consider whether or not it might cause us distress or discomfort. Consider whether or not we can understand it.

And be considerate when waiting for us to post it. If we don’t post it, be understanding about that and accept it.

Note: This also applies to asks. Please remember this when sending us asks instead of submissions.

For now, that’s all you need to know about sending submissions. Let us know if you have any questions, or if anything was confusing for you. We are always happy to help you.

Please make sure you check out our Ask Policy, Blog Rules, Do Not Interact List, and other important pages before attempting to interact with our blog.

Remember: the rest of the rules for our submissions are the same as what is in our Ask Policy. You have to read that page too before sending us a submission. Just because we didn’t repeat ourselves a bunch by copying the rules from there that apply here too does not mean that you get a pass on breaking the rules.

It should be pretty obvious which rules apply to both asks and submissions, but feel free to ask us if you are not sure.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and we hope you have a lovely day!

Sincerely,

The Fatphobia Busters Team

[sissytobitch10seconds]

Seventeen Years

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy Summary: Five finds something in the back of his closet. Warnings: Canon trauma and PTSD Word Count: 1,014 Ship(s): Five Hargreeves & The Umbrella Academy

Archive link!

A/N: So I got this off of a tumblr post I saw from @frozenwafflesagain and she very graciously allowed me to write a fanfiction about it! I just got this idea of Five in my head and then it wouldn't leave me alone. I hope that you all enjoy this little drabble and please remember, like all these fics, there's no editing! Thank you all for reading. Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

Five was sticky with blood as he stomped into his bedroom. He was pissed that he had to change again after trying so hard to just get what he needed figured out done so he could move onto the next step of his self-assigned plan. He didn’t want the Commission sticking their nose where it didn’t belong and yet they just couldn’t seem to help themselves.

He rucked off the vest and tossed in vaguely in the direction of his hamper as he made his way over to the wardrobe. He threw open the doors so that he could get another one of the infernal uniforms that he had had to wear now because it was the only thing he could find that would fit him. They were still hanging there like they had been a few hours prior, pressed and perfectly stitched by the robotic hand of their mother.

He grabbed one of them from the hanger, yanking it forward with the kind of petulant attitude that could only be created by an adolescent body and brain that was pumped full of hormones it didn’t understand yet. The anger that boiled inside of him was almost indescribable as he realized that he was yanking without it coming anywhere because it was stuck.

He threw the hanger down onto the ground and then dug into the back of his wardrobe to figure out what it was that was preventing him to get ready for his mission this time. He paused when he caught sight of the first shimmery piece of paper though, his hand fluttering in the air.

Five reached down and carefully picked up the item that the pantleg had been stuck on, settling back on his haunches. He lowered the box down into his lap as he processed what it was.

The wrapping paper was folded with perfect creases and the ribbon was still curled, though he could see where the scissors had caught on an uneven polymer. The little tag hanging off of the center where the ribbon met together underneath a bow said: To 5, From 2

This was purchased from before Diego had chosen, he realized as the air was stollen from his lungs. This was the present that he was supposed to get when they turned fourteen, the first October that he had spent in the apocalypse. 

He collapsed on the baseboard of his wardrobe, pushing some of his shoes aside in the process so that he could fit. His fingers slipped underneath the tape that held the wrapping paper together, which was holding only because it had been shut out from the outside world for nearly seventeen years.

Inside was a plain looking book. When Five flipped it open, he saw that it was full of high quality graph paper that was all completely unmarked. The bottom even held a couple of lines in a square where notes about the day the equations were made and what they were could be written.

He turned around so that he was looking back into his wardrobe and noticed several more presents laid out. There were far more than there should have been for just the one year that he had been gone, but they were all wrapped with the signature traits that his siblings always wrapped things with and untouched.

He pulled them all out of the stack that they had been left in and tore them all open one by one. His arms couldn’t move fast enough as he reached for each new box and bag.

He didn’t notice the way that the pads of his fingers hurt from prying open taped shut cardboard boxes or running his fingers over the wrapping ribbon to get them off when he couldn’t figure out where they had been taped down. He didn’t notice the way that sobs forced their way out of his throat and into the open air of his ever unchanging bedroom with each gift that he pulled out and opened. He didn’t notice the way that tears streaked down his face and stained the front of a stuffed bear holding a knife or the front of a book by his favorite philosopher.

By the time that he finished opening each of the gifts that he had been squirreled away in the back of his closet, he had a mountain of wrapping paper, bows, ribbons, and tissue paper next to him along with an assortment of gifts to go along with them. There was a good deal of nice notebooks, ranging from the graph paper one he had opened from Diego to a set of six spiral bound ones in each of the siblings’ favorite colors. There was a handful of stuffed animals that were all strange enough that Five would have found them amusing enough to keep around. There was a set of beautiful fountain pens, as well as a thick block of chalk that he could use on his walls. He also had several books full of his favorite type of stories and studies, something that his siblings all knew he would enjoy.

They had intended to give him these gifts when he came back. They had been counting on the fact that he was still out there somewhere, waiting to make a big entrance and prove their father wrong. They had wanted him back every single birthday that they had lived at the house. That much he knew without reading the books. The existence of the books in general was enough to strip him of all the weariness that the apocalypse had caused him to gain, to make him feel rubbed raw. 

He loved his siblings more than the entire world. He had dedicated his entire life to getting back to them so that he could save them, after all. They had all seemed so apathetic and wary towards him when he came back that he had resigned himself to doing it without their help or support. After finding this cache of love and loyalty, though, one thing was perfectly clear.

They had missed him.

[historicallyaccuratecheese]

I’ve finally started listening to Season 2 of The Magnus Archives, so as per usual, here are my thoughts on the first 10 episodes of the season, from 41 to 50! Already this season is shaping up to be a wild ride and I’ve really enjoyed it so far. But as always, here are some things to consider if you plan to read this post.

1: This post is extremely long and in depth, the longest of these I’ve made so far in fact. Read it only in chunks or if you have enough time on your hands.

2: There’s obviously spoilers for everything in The Magnus Archives up to Episode 50, so please tread carefully if you haven’t gotten that far. Also, please do not spoil anything from future episodes for me.

3: I recommend you read my previous posts before this one, as I will be referring back to those older posts. I’ve made a link to the masterpost here for you to easily access them.

Anyways, enjoy my rambling! :)

- Episode 41, Too Deep ⬇️

Statement of Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, regarding exploration of the tunnels recently discovered below the archives. Statement taken direct from and recorded by subject.

That episode title is right, the show of going a bit too deep for my liking, I’m SCARED. You know what, I’m happy to say that Jon has blossomed into quite the relatable protagonist. He has an undying thirst for the truth, and is extremely paranoid and traumatized by the events of Season 1. He’s just like me fr! Anyways, thankfully the content of this episode was much simpler and easy to digest than I thought it would’ve been initially. It does feel like Rusty Quill wanted to ease listeners back in by giving us an episode that establishes the new status quo, but that being said, this one still gave me quite a bit to think about. Firstly, we have Jon’s mental state which is…yikes. Like, I know a month has passed an all, but I still feel like he needs a hug and a long nap. I know I joke about wanting to bash this guy’s head in like a piñata, or throw him off a skyscraper, or squeeze him like a squeaky toy…but now I’m genuinely concerned for him. Knowing how Jane scarred him physically and mentally is really upsetting, but hey! At least Martin seems to be taking good care of him, although considering what happened to him last season I still have to question if he’s ok as well, just…I want everyone to take care of themselves as well. Also, I know this sounds wrong, but I kind of hope that jar actually does have Jane’s ashes in it, because I miss her and it would be nice for her to still kind of be with us. Also I hope Tim gets back to work ok :(. Also Not!Sasha still terrifies me-OK! Back to Jon! It is really cool that the season begins with a statement directly written by the protagonist, and while I’m certainly concerned about his paranoia (which I’ll get to later), it’s nice to see him actively engaging in the mysteries and looking for answers. But with that out of the way, what about the tunnels? Well, firstly, I’m glad that this episode clarified that these tunnels are like…a new discovery? Because when Tim mentioned them in Episode 39, he spoke about them as if they were common knowledge, which was just…kind of weird to me? Now, it’s become a lot more apparent that the tunnels are quite a recent discovery, and they make for a very intriguing new mystery! I’m certain they’ll show up more throughout the season, but for now, they are just…really terrifying. Firstly, I’ll mention some of the things we discovered about them that were followed up on here, and then go on to the brand new information we got. …GOD DAMN POLICE! I WANTED TO LISTEN TO THOSE TAPES!!! Look, I get WHY they took them, it’s just…UUUGGGHH!!! Gertrude Robinson, WHAT ARE YOUR SECRETS?!! On top of that we have the matter of the weird circle of worms. I still think they were trying to open some sort of hidden passage, but the implications that…someone else was there are certainly concerning. I assume it’s whoever seems to be lurking around down here (who might also be the voice Jon heard), but…I really don’t know what to think of this. I really don’t know what to think of…ANY of this! But as for the new information provided, we obviously have the facts about Millbank Prison.

Firstly, it’s always a pleasure to see TMA incorporate obscure real-world history into its story, I just think it’s generally kind of neat whenever they do that. But outside of that, I don’t really know what to make of this information outside of a couple of things (like the institute being built on top of a prison being potential symbolism for Jon being stuck here now that he’s gotten wrapped up in the mystery). The two things that really caught my attention however, was that they make sure to bring up the panopticon format of Millbank. This kind of ties into the whole them of “being watched” that’s been coming up. Also, I guess now’s a better time than ever to mention the whole idea of Jon being watched. I honestly don’t know who or what is watching him, but my best guess is that it’s whatever is in the tunnels, or if I’m crazy, ME. (Although I’m technically listening so…idk. It still makes me feel kind of guilty though.) The other big takeaway is that Millbank, and likely the tunnels, we’re built by our beloved Robert Smirke. The tunnels already did remind me of Episode 35, so this isn’t all that surprising, but it’s nice to get further confirmation that these places are fucked up! It does make me wonder if he had a hand in building the institute itself though…hmmm… But after that lore drop, we get to the creepiest part of the episode. I’ll just say it: No, I do not know who is in the tunnels, my best guess is Gertrude’s killer but I don’t think that’s saying much. I also do not know what the wine bottle means, (although I literally just made a post about a wine bottle on a street that felt like the beginning of a TMA statement? That’s really weird?!) nor do I know who or what drew that arrow, or told Jon to leave. All I know is that, yes, this heavily reminds me of Episode 15. Like, not just this scene, but honestly the episode as a whole. This makes me think that maybe the thing in the tunnels is the same force behind Lost Johns’ Cave, and combine that with the fact I suspect said force to be the same as the darkness from Episodes 9 and 25, and that Jon’s torch apparently started to dim strangely quickly…I just feel like The People’s Church of The Divine Host might have some relevance here. Either way, this just makes me more and more concerned for the institute staff. It just goes to show that they have gone…well, too deep, and that even if he runs out of those tunnels, Jon is not truly safe from, say it with me everyone…✨the horrors✨. Oh Jane Prentiss’ Ashes, we’re really in for it now.

But of course, that’s not all, as the episode ends with a secret supplemental from Jon! …The fact that exists at all just makes me more concerned for his paranoia and mental health. So you know how I said I’d love it if Season 2 was a murder mystery? Well…be careful what you wish for I guess. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very excited by the plot point but…Jon can you please just calm down you’re scaring me. It’s interesting that he too is most suspicious of Elias though. I’m still very suspicious of him as well but..I don’t know, usually when a show tries to steer you in one direction like this, it ends up going the other way, so this oddly makes me like…2% less suspicious of Elias, simply because I feel like the show’s trying to bamboozle me. As for the other potential suspects, well, Sasha would be an interesting choice given that she’s…you know…although oddly enough I doubt Not!Sasha did it, since she probably wouldn’t have been at the institute when Gertrude was murdered. So congratulations Not!Sasha, I’m not suspicious of you for once! There’s a decent enough possibility for the killer to be Tim, but I’d genuinely be STUNNED if it was Martin. Like, it could be an excellent twist if done right but WOW. That would be genuinely insane. Overall I’m still most suspicious of Elias by a wide margin, but much like Jon, I’m keeping my suspects open just in case. The last thing I have to mention here is how this supplemental made me think about how…me as the listener fits into this. In canon, I feel like I’m supposed to be either Jon’s successor, his killer, some random shmuck who just came across the tapes, and MAYBE whoever Jon feels like is watching him although that seems a bit more unlikely. Anyways, that’s a wrap on this episode! In conclusion, it was a good episode, and I’m as scared as I’ve ever been, but hey, I’m also excited to listen to the rest of the season and see where the mysteries go! (Also ALEX READING THE END BIT? HELLO?! That’s the scariest part of the episode.)

Sorry if this one was also a bit incoherent (is this like a curse with Robert Smirke statements or something), like I said, this one kind of feels like one meant to ease you back in, so I don’t have too many coherent thoughts on the reveals of the episode just…a lot of emotions. I’m sure that’ll change as the season progresses though. Although, I did have one theory brewing in my head, it doesn’t really connect to anything in this episode that I’m aware of but I just thought I’d put it here. So, I was thinking about some of the cults from Season 1, namely The People’s Church of The Divine Host and the heat-based cult. I’ve assumed that they’re completely separate, since they seem to serve separate powers, but in retrospect, they actually had some very notable things in common, outside of just…being creepy cults. Namely, they both seem to be in opposition to both Gertrude Robinson and Gerard Keay. The PCOTDH performed a ritual on the supposed date of Gertrude’s death, while the heat cult contained pictures of her in their creepy bottles. Meanwhile, Gerard straight up kills the person who seeks to be a member of the heat cult, and his symbol seems to be an eye, while The PCOTDH has a closed eye as their symbol. So either these two groups are intrinsically linked at the hip, maybe even different sects of one larger cult, or Gertrude and Gerard just both had knacks for pissing cults off. Eh, food for thought.

- Episode 42, Grifter’s Bone 🎹

Statement of Jennifer Ling, regarding a live musical performance she attended in Soho.

This is literally just Killer Track from Nightmare Time lmao. I mean not really, but like…come on, they’re about songs that kill people, and also both contain instances of songs that cannot be remembered. This episode was MADE to fuel my hyperfixations. Also, fun fact, I recall seeing a post about tma before I started listening, where it mentioned how some episodes are deep looks into trauma while others are about a song so shit that it kills people. That post was actually one of the first things that got me to consider listening, so it’s cool to have finally come across that same episode! Although granted, I don’t think that’s the most accurate description, but I’ll get to that soon. Anyways, even if I didn’t find the episode super scary until the end, I’m more than willing to excuse it simply due to how creative it is. I know I just compared it to another piece of media, but all things considered I think this is a very fun one conceptually. Music journalism of all things isn’t something you’d expect to get tackled in tma, but it surprisingly worked really well. I actually quite liked Jennifer as the protagonist here, while she’s not nearly as shaken by the events as someone like the guy from Episode 37, I still got this…uneasy feeling from Jon’s narration, like from the beginning, you could tell something bad happened without it being TOO obvious. And…learning what happened to her after she gave her statement…yeah I can see why she’d be on edge! I thought Grifter’s Bone itself was really creepy and I do hope we learn more about them going forward, like, yeah, this was just a fun, kind of creepy, and very creative episode that I had a good time with. But then the post-statement investigation is revealed and…wow. Look, I think the jokes about the music being so shitty it kills people are funny, there’s some genuine gold about that in the YouTube comments. I mean hell, it’s a joke in-universe! But, part of me thinks that’s doing a disservice to what the episode is actually about. Because by the end, we see that it’s about a song so good that it causes people to harm and/or kill each other. I think there’s a good few ways you could interpret the meaning of this, but I personally see it as a metaphor for toxic fandom behavior. Look, I’ve BEEN in music fandoms before, I can say with certainty that this works as a metaphor. But, who knows? I’d love to hear other people’s takes on this as I think it can be seen in multiple ways. On top of that, there’s a few weird things about the circumstances i which Grifter’s Bone plays. Like, when it was just Alfred playing, Lee had no memory of the concert, and also survived. But when the entire band played, Jennifer remembered the concert, even if she wasn’t in the venue, and for some reason it triggered a…gathering between ghosts that killed each other again? I don’t know, there’s just some strange things going on here, and while it’s hard to really find anything that Grifter’s Bone might connect to right now, I hope some connections and answers pop up later. (Well, in retrospect, they do actually kind of remind me of The Piper from Episode 7, since that thing also played music and drove someone to bloodlust, but granted, the themes between the two episodes seem to be pretty different so I don’t know if that actually means anything.) However, one connection I found interesting was the presence of the crystal shop, which I really can’t see being anything other than the same one Jane was working at. This, along with the description of his expression, leads me to believe that the man who tried to warn Jennifer was the “Oliver” who Jane saw. And…I will concede that this could make the theory of him being Antonio Blake more plausible. Antonio is obviously important, and assuming this guy is Oliver, then he’s important as well. Also, someone in the comments pointed out that maybe he foresaw Jennifer’s death, which…yeah, I can see that! I still think I need more time and evidence before I’m fully sold on this theory but…I won’t deny it’s plausible.

So yeah, I had a really good time with this episode! Creative concept, fun execution, it’s up there with Anatomy Class as being…as “chill” as a an episode of tma can be. I’d really like to see this develop into a larger plot, but I’m also happy with just this statement (although some answers would be nice). But obviously, there is one thing that I have failed to mention. That is of course…the legendary supplement. Oh. My. God. Martin, you poor poor soul. You know, I had some joking suspicions after listening to one of the bonus shorts with his poetry on it (which I probably should’ve waited for, but like, I needed something to calm down with after the Season 1 finale), but…I actually can’t believe it. Martin has a genuine thing for Jon. And it is adorable, sad, and absolutely hilarious. Adorable in the sense that Martin’s crush is really cute and that I think they could make for a really cute couple, sad in the fact that Jon is the most dense human being in existence and that this is a horror series, so the relationship is probably doomed by default, and hilarious in the sense that Martin is trying his best to get Jon to fall in love with him, and not only does Jon not recognize it, but. But. He- he thinks he’s trying to SABOTAGE HIM. This. THIS PARANOID LITTLE FREAK I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very concerned for him right now, but I’d be lying if I said that this wasn’t the ship dynamic of the century. Damn you Rusty Quill, I can’t solve the overarching mystery now because I’ll be too busy thinking about THIS. (Also I find it both really funny and really sad that Jon’s so suspicious of Martin when Not!Sasha is. RIGHT. THERE. If there’s a single scene where he goes “Sasha is the only person here I can trust” or smth I will lose my mind.) There’s also the matter of his note which could mean…honestly anything. All it tells us is that Martin is lying about something, which could be anything from his crush on Jon to him actually being the killer (although I think the latter is unlikely since this is only the second episode of Season 2), and that his mother probably has…some sort of relevance. It could mean a lot of things but for now I’ll just put a pin in it. So yeah, really enjoyable episode with a fantastic supplemental.

Also, we have the million dollar question. What do I think Grifter’s Bone sounds like? Well, that’s easy:

- Episode 43, Section 31 🚔

Statement of Police Constable Basira Hussain, regarding her time investigating strange occurrences as part of Section 31. Statement taken direct from subject.

NOOOOOOO NOT THE COPS!!! WHO LET THEM GET INVOLVED???!!!! Nah I’m just kidding, Basira Hussain was actually pretty cool. So, this episode is quite the interesting one, as despite it technically being another statement, the way it’s structured makes it feel pretty unique. Obviously this episode has some very interesting reveals in terms of the overarching plot, but I feel like it’s purpose here was to establish the importance of the police force, namely Section 31, to the plot of Season 2. I mean, given what we learn about them here, and the fact that they’re in charge of a lot of matters related to Gertrude, I’m not surprised that they seem to be playing a decently significant role here. But uh..anyways let’s start off by talking about Basira. Yeah I like her :). She was chill, and I like how she’s very willing to help Jon out despite the fact that she probably shouldn’t. It’s a nice change of pace considering how I, and I assume many others, are used to cop characters being very stuck-up, and I think her seeming frustration with being sectioned was pretty endearing. I also kind of liked the buddy-cop dynamic she had with Jon as well, and I especially liked how this is really the first instance we have of Jon being very open to what the statement giver is saying. It really shows a lot of growth from his Season 1 denial, even if it comes at the cost of him going insane in this season. I’ll touch more on her deal with Jon at the end, but for now I’ll talk a bit about the experiences she describes. Obviously, the experience with the burning building was by far the most interesting one. I’ll start off by saying that as creepy as his death was, the sectioned officer Basira was working with has it coming. That’s what you get for being racist! Or misogynistic…Or, generally prejudice- Look. What I’m saying is that he probably deserved his fate. But who cares about that because OH MY GOD EPISODE 12. Obviously the episode has come back in multiple ways via stuff like Gerard and The Cult of Asag, but finally getting some confirmation on who the other burnt guy was is really cool! Diego Molina is quite the enigma, and the episode really got me thinking about his abilities, the book in red leather (which I struggle to see being anything other than another Leitner, although I have to question what Jon mean’s when he said he had a suspicion as to where Diego got the book. Like it was obviously in Jurgen’s library at some point but that doesn’t mean he got it directly from there. Maybe I missed something, IDK), and generally what the deal with The Cult of Asag is. Also, it seems Diego got burned and later killed by Gerard after the events of this episode, which makes me wonder about how he got burned there, since he was completely fine here. And also he has a zippo lighter, like Gerard and Jon? What does that mean? Is it the same as Gerard’s? But…his had an eye symbol, not a flame or whatever. I don’t know, I have a lot of questions regarding this guy and the cult he’s a part of. but I’ll just have to wait and see what pops up as time goes on.

Now, Basira’s second encounter with the paranormal doesn’t have as much going on, but I still find it very curious. The person she finds in the room is pretty interesting. The thing that really stuck out to me was that his house was in complete darkness. Given how this episode definitely deals with The Cult of Asag, I have to wonder if this is supposed to hint towards involvement from The People’s Church of The Divine Host. Someone in the YouTube comments also pointed out that the guy could’ve been one of the grim reaper people from Episode 29. I won’t deny the possibility, given the domino cases, attempt at suicide, and the fact that he was still alive after death, but I’ll keep other possibilities in mind as well just in case. However, something that obviously stuck out to me here was the presence of Daisy, Basira’s partner during this incident. She mentions having an encounter with vampires, and while Basira brushes it off as a joke…come on, there’s no way this doesn’t mean anything. And I actually have a small theory regarding this. You see, from Episode 36, we obviously know that Trevor Herbert, the vampire killer himself, is a relatively important character. We also know that he has a currently unnamed woman as his companion, so I’m wondering if that woman might be Daisy. This would probably mean that they departed from each other’s company at some point but…I just can’t shake the feeling that this is a possibility. The only potential hole I can see in this theory is that the woman had a scar on her eye, which seems like a pretty notable detail that would be weird for Basira to leave out, but it’s equally possible that she just didn’t find it worth mentioning. Either way, I am certainly interested by that line about vampires. One other line here that stood out to me was Basira’s mention of a spooky clown doll, which HAS to be a reference to Episode 24. We know that “weird” incidents are usually dealt with by Section 31, and that Section 31, is a rather small team, so it’s possible that Basira has been involved in police investigations of multiple statement, but I still felt it was a interesting thing to quote.

So overall, this was a pretty good episode. It’s not an all-time favorite for me if I’m being honest, but it set up some very interesting potential plot threads, I really liked Basira, and I thought it was cool to get a first look at what I assume will be a good amount of involvement from the police in the future. But of course…we have that supplemental. Oh thank fucking god we didn’t have to wait too long to get Gertrude’s tapes. Basira, you’re an absolute G, I hope to see more of these come through in the future (although I also hope she doesn’t get fired in the process lmao). I’m…probably not prepared for whatever will be on these tapes going forward but, hey! Let’s just appreciate the fact that we’re getting them at all! I…am getting more and more concerned for Jon though. Like, sweetheart, you REALLY need to lie down for a bit, I know it’s rich coming from me, but this constant search for the truth is going to bite you in the ass if you keep on going any further. You could also use some more help from Martin as well…no reason… Anyways, so far the season is going great, only three episodes in and it already feels like it’s going places. (I would like an update on Tim though, and…”Sasha”….ehhhhhh…)

Supplemental: “Martin just kissed me, I THINK THERE WAS POISON IN HIS MOUTH” - Jon, probably.

- Episode 44, Tightrope 🎪

Case 9790302. Yuri Utkin. Incident occurred in the village of Algosovo, Central Russia, November 1952.

WOOOOOOOOO GERTRUDE!!!! FINALLY we get to hear her, and while she’s still obviously shrouded in mystery, I was very satisfied with what we got of her. Firstly, I absolutely love the fact that she’s voiced by Jonny Sims’ mother, I always find it really funny whenever the roles of characters reflect the relationship between the actors, so I just though that was really cool. And she did a great job in the role, honestly I felt like I was being read a bedtime story. Specifically a fucked up German bedtime story (or I guess Russian…technically…). Honestly she’s pretty in line with how I imagined her, although I kind of thought she’d be a lot more cold when she comes off as just…pretty chill in reality, at least in comparison to Jon. And that’s probably the element of her character that interests me the most, outside of what she was doing and what really happened to her. Compared to Jon, who is frantically searching for the truth with very little answers, Gertrude seems to be much more aware of what’s really going on. She’s SO familiar with The Other Circus that she’s able to read this extremely creepy story and be like “wow this guy got lucky.” Like…WHAT HAS THIS WOMAN SEEN?! Obviously there could’ve been a period in time where she, like Jon, was in a frenzied state looking for answers, but in the context of what we’re seeing, it provides for an interesting contrast between her and Jon that I really like. But it raises SO many questions. Like, what exactly would it take for Gertrude to react extremely to a statement when she’s this unbothered by what she’s reading? How much did she know? I mean, I think it would be safe to assume she died because she knew too much, but like…how many weirdos and cults did she piss off in the process? I’m really anticipating where they might go with her in the future, as there’s a lot of interesting routes they could take. But outside of our first look at Gertrude, we obviously have the statement itself, and FUCK YEAH IT’S THE OTHER CIRCUS!!! Even though it’s only shown up in a couple of episodes prior to this one, this circus has actually been one of the most intriguing plot threads for me personally. I’m just a sucker for creepy carnivals, so finally getting an episode with a big focus on it makes me very happy. Ultimately this episode confirms my suspicions that this thing is a cult, because like…come on. There’s no way it isn’t. However, I still don’t really know what power they might serve, and the ringmaster Gregor Orsinov remains shrouded in mystery. As do…ALL of the cult leaders now that I think about it. We really only know the names of two of them, those being Gregor and Maxwell Rayner, but that’s about it. Regardless, I do feel like this episode gave a better idea of what The Other Circus wishes to accomplish, or at least what their deal is. The tiger, the freaks, the people in the audience, and…maybe the Ivan we see on the tightrope (I haven’t made my mind up on that one), are all implied to be not entirely…real, or as Yuri says, impossible. I think they’re basically artificial copies of real people and animals, but with some minor differences like glassy eyes or impossible anatomy, hence why it’s called “Another Circus”. For what purpose other than creeping people out, I have no idea, but I feel like that’s what’s going on here. As for the bag…well, I think it probably did contain Ivan but…I don’t really know what’s up with it, although it did kind of remind me of Episode 5 with the trash bags, and I think that episode connects to Episode 34, and…now that I think about it, the slightly off people and animals here are kind of like the anatomy students. Yeah I think I’m going in insane circles now! Also I guess I haven’t really talked about the story here, truth be told it’s not the most interesting element of the episode but uh…yeah I liked it as always, I feel pretty bad for Yuri and Ivan. God, imagine having severe mental trauma as the best case scenario simply because Gregor and his circus are just that dangerous, that’s messed up!

Well, outside of all of that, I obviously have some connections to discuss, so what about those? Well, obviously this one connects to Episode 24 more than any other, most notably via the calliope organ. So…yeah, I guess Nikolai Denikin wasn’t that good of a person! My initial assumption was that he caught onto whatever messed up things The Other Circus wished to achieve, and then quit and hid the calliope (…I miss Sasha) to stop them. Now that could still be the case, but this episode suggests that Nikolai was aware of The Other Circus’ horrific tendencies, and gave them a lot of power, meaning that he’s not entirely without a bad streak, and very well could’ve still been affiliated with them even after he “left” in the 1970s. Secondly, we have the clown in purple and white with polka dots which…almost perfectly matched the description of the doll from Episode 24. From that episode, it seems that doll was capable of turning other people into dolls…but does this episode signify that the clown doll was also originally a person. Maybe they sacrificed themselves in order to turn other people into dolls, or they were turned into a doll as punishment and the curse goes to other people whenever the calliope plays…I don’t know but it’s suspicious, especially since Basira Hussain seemingly mentioned the doll in the previous episode. But most interesting to me is the presence of who it seems very likely are our beloveds, Breekon and Hope. This is the first time we’ve seen them affiliated with a faction other than their own (although I do think they connect to Mikaele Salesa but that’s a different topic), which is very interesting. I already suspected they were the guys who stole the calliope in Episode 24, (looking back they were also probably the “two strong men” in the picture Jon described) and I believe that even more now. However, this episode gave me two ideas as to why they might have stolen the calliope in the first place. The first idea is dictated by the idea that Nikolai Denikin was no longer affiliated with The Other Circus. If that were the case, then I believe that Breekon and Hope are still affiliated with The Other Circus, and tried to steal the calliope back, but then it ended up in the institute’s artifact storage through unknown means. More likely though, I think that Nikolai was still affiliated with The Other Circus, and Breekon and Hope left, explaining why they are shown with their own company in modern day. As for what reasons, I don’t know, but I believe that it gave them enough motivation to steal the calliope as revenge, and then deliver it to the institute. Either way, their presence here is very interesting, and it makes me wonder if there’s any connection between The Other Circus, and all of the items that Breekon and Hope have delivered. Specifically the table because…well, it’s implied there were fake people in the audience and…you know… How many episodes do you think it’ll take for my brain to explode now?

Overall this was a VERY intriguing episode, getting a first look at Gertrude and more on what is one of the most intriguing plot points so far for me was very satisfying, and I’m sure I’ll be spending a lot more time mulling this over. As for the supplemental…well that is certainly concerning. I feel like they want me to be suspicious of Martin due to that note, and I am to an extent but…this has Not!Sasha written all over it. I mean, it’s implied she already stole a few tapes so I wouldn’t be surprised if she was snooping around. (The irony of one of the tapes she stole being Episode 24’s as well, lmao.) Well…that’s about it. All in all I’m very intrigued, I hope Jon is able to take care of his supplemental and..uh…I don’t really know how to end this part so EPISODE 45!!!!!!

- Episode 45, Blood Bag 💉

Statement of Thomas Neill, regarding his experiences working in malarial research during the spring of 2010.

EW EW EW EW ICKY BLEGH. I…do not do well with mosquitoes. Worms I can handle, like, I can relate to that, but mosquitoes? No. Devil spawn. Even worse when they spread malaria. So suffice to say, considering that this IS a horror podcast, this episode did a pretty good job! Ultimately some of the plot details here are a little bit vague, and the episode itself doesn’t have as much to unpack as some of the others so far, but I’ll discuss what I can regardless. Firstly, I do really like the general setting of this statement. I’ve always found lab accidents to be very scary if done effectively, what with how fragile and dangerous that kind of environment can be. I also thought they handled it really well with the slow build of paranormal activity, up to the…extremely gruesome ending. Like, YIKES. Honestly I feel really bad for Neil, poor guy was just being silly in the workplace and needed some cash, yet he got SO screwed over. Why am I surprised though, reality just seems like a massive bitch in tma, maybe even more so than in our timeline! But hey, at least there was another theatre kid Jon moment when Thomas was describing Neil’s death, so that’s nice! Neil’s death also did kind of remind me of just…everything Jane, what with a whole bunch of creepy crawlies enveloping him, although worms aren’t really traditional insects so I don’t know if those similarities mean anything, especially since this episode lacks the theme of toxic love that was extremely present with The Flesh Hive. (Although there was fire extinguishers involved…hm…) Speaking of that though, I want to talk a bit about the syringe. I think the implication here was that the mosquitoes wished harm on Neil due to his attempts to work against them, which is…an absolutely horrific thought. Those things are already little assholes, but the idea of them having a PERSONAL GRUDGE…oh no no no no no. Anyways, I think the syringe protected him from them, so when he lost it, they went full ham, infecting the haemoglobish with a bajillion diseases, and later killing him. (And also Thomas later on, what a bunch of assholes!) But this idea, the concept of an insect ecosystem being sentient enough to wish harm on a human out of a personal grudge…yeah it’s very adjacent to The Flesh Hive. And considering that the syringe was last seen with someone as important as Mikaele Salesa, I feel that it might be important if the institute ever has to deal with something flesh hive-adjacent once again. Oh yeah, Mikaele was here too. Kind of surprising considering it hasn’t been that long since he last showed up in a statement. Ultimately this statement didn’t really tell us that much more about him, he just continues to be a mysterious guy who’s probably bad, but maybe not as bad as some other people. And while there are rumors of his death…I highly doubt he’s really gone. Either way, I’m interested to see where they go with him in the future. (Also Jon just starting his closing thoughts with “yeah I hate mosquitoes too”…he’s real for that honestly.) Um…what else? Well, I find a few small details curious. Firstly, the rising heat in the lab is VERY reminiscent of a lot of previous statements, such as Episode 12, 37, and the Hill Top Road cases. To me it signifies some sort of connection to The Cult of Asag, although I have no idea what said connection could be. A lot of people also pointed out that the only blood type mentioned so far in the entire series is 0-, which is kind of curious, although once again, I don’t what that might mean. And finally, we have the reveal that Thomas started working at King’s College, the same place where Dr. Lionel Elliot taught in Episode 34. Overall, the connection are pretty vague here and don’t reveal all that much new, so either this episode is setting up stuff that hasn’t shown up yet, or it’s less relevant than I think. But as always, I still enjoyed it! Neil’s death will probably give me nightmares but who cares? Still a very good episode!

So…the supplemental. You know, if I worked in the archives, I would find Mikaele, get the syringe, and provided it’s not some kind of cursed talisman, I’d use it to sedate Jon because SWEETHEART YOU NEED TO LIE DOWN. On one hand, seeing Jon slowly go insane has been very entertaining, on the other hand, it makes me terrified for literally everyone. This isn’t even a visual show and yet I can still clearly see him shaking violently and eating things from off the ground. I mean, just look at him. Martin has a crush on him and yet Jon thinks he’s secretly plotting a murder. (Also what a sweetheart he is giving his boss/crush tea during his moments of insane paranoia, very glad to hear him again.) “Sasha” is, as far as I know, the most objectively suspicious person in the archives, and yet she is the only one Jon hasn’t batted an eye at yet. And Tim…Jon’s LITERALLY just stalking him?! No?! I mean, I guess I’m also a little curious as to why he’s working at the institute despite no signs of prior interest in the paranormal but like…I wouldn’t go as far as to start taking pictures of his fucking house! (Although how come Martin knows what his house looks like…hm…) Also HOW could you even think that Tim “Joe Spooky” Stoker is capable of murder?! He would never! (…please let me be right when I say that) …Look, I know I’m the one writing insane analyses of this podcast, and I’m probably a massive hypocrite saying this since I am LITERALLY setting up a cork-board in my room for connecting the dots, but that doesn’t make Jon any more sane, okay? Maybe…maybe we should both just lie down…despite the truth being just out of reach...I’ll listen to Episode 46 tomorrow…uuugghhh…

- Episode 46, Literary Heights ⛈️

Statement of Herbert Knox, regarding a repeat customer to his bookshop in Chichester.

Stupid idiot mother fucking god damn fool Jurgen Leitner is lucky that this episode was so fantastic, or else his sad frail old man twig bones would’ve simply flaked apart under my epic huge meat fist. (Look, I have to quote it SOMEWHERE ok?) Anyways, this episode was…absolutely phenomenal? Like, I’ve really been enjoying the season so far, but this episode coming out of nowhere and worming it’s way into…I don’t know, at least my top six episodes, is kind of insane. There’s obviously quite a bit to unpack here, so I guess I’ll start with just a few basic observations. Firstly, this episode opens with one of the best examples of theatre kid Jon so far. Like, the shift in his voice is absolutely hilarious. Secondly, and I feel like I need to address this, there has a been a metric fuck-tonne of Micheals in the show so far, so being able to refer to one as Mike is an absolute blessing. …I have a theory surrounding that though, but I’ll get to it in a minute. But I guess that works as a good segue into the main topic of interest here, Mike Crew. Truth be told, as good as it is, I don’t have much more to say about the episode on its own, as I think most of the intrigue comes from the implications for the overarching narrative it brings, although just to be clear, I’ll say that the episode has a fantastic story to tell on its own. Anyways, enough preamble, MIKE CREW! It’s genuinely such a treat to get a better look at just…what this guy is even like. I’ve known that he’s important for a while, but that’s only because he was mentioned in two separate statements, and I never knew WHY he was important, but this episode comes with some really interesting reveals. Firstly, I have to say that this guy is absolutely one of my favorite characters from the statements so far. His whole vibe is just so intriguing, and you get the sense that he has a better understanding of ✨the horrors✨than most other characters so far, but that he’s also terrified by what he’s witnessed. Anyways, I think the most interesting element of his character is how he’s clearly…just a very haunted man. This episode definitely suggests that him getting struck by lightning as a child was a paranormal experience that…connected him to something. I think it would be cool if we maybe got a statement from him later on that talked about that more, but for now, it’s just very interesting to see those powers over storms and electricity he seems to possess, willingly or not. It also seems like maybe he was studying Leitners and other books on demonology in order to get a grip on whatever was haunting him, with The Boneturner’s Tale obviously being one of them. Oh yeah, there was also some interesting stuff about Jurgen Leitner here. I do have to wonder if all of those strange deaths that occurred in the old book trade were caused by either him or his fucked up books, although he supposedly went into hiding in 1994 so I’m not entirely sure what that means. I’ve also started to notice how the Leitners…compel people. Like, Dominic Swain just…decided to go on a wild goose chase in order to learn more about Ex Altiora, Sebastian Adekoya was adamant on getting The Boneturner’s Tale despite knowing that it was bad news, Jared Hopworth was lured in by the same book despite clearly not being much of a reader, and now we have both Mike Crew and Herbert Knox fighting desperately for Ex Altiora. It’s…just very odd how much these books draw people in. And I think this is another good segue into talking about the glorious return of Ex Altiora.

Firstly, I nearly screamed at the name drop, like oh my god that was so exciting. Secondly, it’s really cool to finally learn what the story in the book even was. If it wasn’t for the fact that I’d end up in a perilous situation if I did so, and that I don’t know Latin, I’d honestly read it, it sounds pretty cool. Either way, Mike’s possession of it is very interesting to me. Obviously it seems like it’s because of him that the Lichtenburg Figure showed up in the book, meaning that it’s unlikely that Mary Keay was trying to trigger Dominic’s childhood trauma, I guess. It’s also very curious how Mike somehow knew how to wield its power correctly from the looks of things, and I also have to wonder why it ended up in some random bookstore when it seemed to be so important to him. But I think the most interesting thing about it is how it connects to whatever was haunting Mike. Jon suggests that he was trying to use it as a ward, which I do agree with, but I wonder if it backfired in the end. Maybe Mike thought that its raw power could protect him, but in reality, the book was connected to the force pursuing him without his knowledge. I mean, Ex Altiora causes vertigo and is about a high mountaintop village being terrorized by a vast and unknowable massive monster, and Mike is connected to the sky, so I think it adds up in the end. (Also, if I didn’t already think so, I’m absolutely certain that the events of this and Episode 4 connect to the ones of Episode 21, meaning that yes, the fucking sky is an eldritch horror in this timeline, and chances are Ex Altiora and the skydiver guy are harbingers of it. What does this even mean for tma’s world structure, holy shit.) Anyways, I think this theory also works because of Mike’s fate. I mean, he says “I am yours” (which is very similar to Edwin Burroughs saying “I am not for you, I am marked btw), and then throws himself out of a window. I feel like in the end he submitted himself to the forces chasing him after Ex Altiora ironically drew him in further. Said force might also be called “Vertigo” or “The Vast” based on what he says during his chants. (Also I don’t really have any theories as to how the bell tower was opened up just so you know.) As for Mike’s fate, well…I honestly don’t really know, although I think the lack of a body and his clear significance to the plot mean that he’s not…entirely dead. Maybe the Lichtenburg Figure is supposed to suggest that he’s inside Ex Altiora? Maybe…the sky ate him? I can’t quite tell yet, but I’m sure this isn’t the last I’ll hear of him, he just seems too significant (and just…way too cool) to write off here. Although…I do have one more theory about this episode, one that I’d like to proclaim my crack theory (as if my other ones already aren’t cracked). Oh boy here we go…

So I mentioned that there’s a lot of Micheals in this show, so much so that from what little I’ve seen it’s a meme in the fandom. I mean, it makes decent sense, Micheal is an extremely common name after all…but what if this goes deeper. What if every major Micheal in this podcast actually has direct connections to each other? So far we have three Micheals that seem to hold plot relevance (please, PLEASE let it stay that way.) They are Mike Crew, obviously, Gerard’s grandfather Micheal Keay, and the mysterious “Micheal” that Sasha meant, who is presumably the person that was pursuing Ivo Lensik’s father. Keep in mind the word PURSUING. Because…you remember how bony-hand Micheal appeared all weird and distorted in the window of Sasha’s apartment building. Well, it’s probably just my imagination, but…it reminds me a hell of a lot of the thing chasing Mike. On top of that, I originally doubted that bony-hand Micheal was the same person as Mike Crew due to the lack of a Lichtenburg Figure on his body (although Mike does actually seem to be capable of hiding it based on Herbert’s description of him, but said description is notably different from that of Sasha’s Micheal anyways), but I did throw out the possibility of him actually being Micheal Keay. This could also explain why he had all of those strange attributes, as Mary Keay seemingly learned how to live beyond the grave, yet she came with a number of visual differences from when she was, like, actually alive, so maybe something similar happened to her father. (and then maybe Gerard…please…please let my favorite MCR reject guy be alive…) So, here’s the basic premise of my theory. Micheal Keay found some sort of way to live after death, becoming the strange distorted Micheal that Sasha saw. This new form of Micheal Keay would form a connection to fractals, terrorizing Ivo Lensik’s father, and also a connection to the sky/vertigo/the vast/whatever you want to call it, and then start terrorizing Mike Crew. (I mean, the fractals give off the same vibes as the Lichtenburg Figure right? RIGHT?!) And then, and I know this is a huge reach but like I said, it’s a crack theory, Mike was absorbed by the being that was pursuing him. Micheal Keay is alive, and absorbing people, one of whom just happens to have his name. If Ivo’s dad was named Micheal Lensik I might just go insane. Now, do I expect this theory to be true. Oh god no! Like I said, this is absolute crack, but I think it would be very funny if every Micheal in this podcast is actually just the same person. There’s a lot of other mysteries surrounding these guys, and I’m sure I’ll be satisfied with whatever they pull off.

So that’s Episode 46. Overall this was a phenomenal episode, it’s absolutely my favorite of Season 2 so far and at the very least one of my favorites in the entire podcast so far. It’s given me so many things to think about and I’m really excited to see where they go with the plot surrounding Mike in the future. As for the supplemental, well…you know what, Brian David Gilbert- I mean Jon (yes I finally made that connection) has every right to be concerned about this one. It is admittedly a little bit unnerving that there’s another person exploring the tunnels, my best guess is it’s Not!Sasha because…well, she’s just suspicious by nature, but it could easily be Martin, Tim, and especially Elias as well. Or worse…whatever’s down there is trying to get out. There’s also the matter of the spiders which is…very interesting. Episode 32 already separated the spiders from The Flesh Hive, but I didn’t think they would go as far as to kill the remaining worms. In fact, I suspected they were in some form of collaboration, since Jon smashing that one spider lead to the infestation of worms, and the worms were present in Episode 16. But no, they’re actively killing the worms. Maybe as like…a punishment for failure or something? I really don’t know what the deal with the spiders is, but it’s certainly interesting. Anyways, great episode, can’t wait to see what comes next.

Oh, one last thing. I have this copy of Dracula in my house, and it really reminds me of Ex Altiora. Like this is what I imagine it looking like. (Also STOKER? As in TIM STOKER? Ok I’ll stop.)

- Episode 47, The New Door 🚪

Statement of Helen Richardson, regarding a new door in the house she was selling. Statement taken direct from subject.

What what what what what what what what what what what what what in the everlasting FUCK?! I don’t…what do you MEAN? RIGHT AFTER MY FUCKING MICHEAL CRACKPOT THEORY YOU GIVE ME THIS?! I CAN’T…WHAT…THERE’S SO MUCH GOING ON I LITERALLY CANNOT HANDLE THIS UAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH. Ok…calm down calm down calm down calm down just CALM. THE FUCK. DOWN. You can do this. You are a TUMBLR. ENBY. You can coherently summarize this episode. Right? …right? Oh no….

Ok so…let’s just start from the top with the things that are easy to summarize. Firstly, this is a statement recorded live from subject, so we obviously need to talk about Helen Richardson. Oh god….what a poor soul. I REALLY feel for her, compared to every other statement giver, at least the ones who gave their statements live, she was absolutely the most distraught by her experiences. Her VA did a fantastic job portraying her fright, I liked how she was frantically drawing a map at the beginning, and overall it’s just really not hard to feel for her, especially given her…fate, but we’ll get to that later. It was also extremely gratifying to finally have an instance where Jon fully believes the person he’s talking to, he was decent with Lionel and Basira, as well as his coworkers, but after his interactions with Naomi and Melanie, seeing him fully believe Helen was honestly really nice, just shows how much he’s developed since most of Season 1…although it has come with him being extremely traumatized and erratic but hey! It’s still cool that he was genuinely trying to help Helen out, because if this was Season 1 he would have not believed her. Anyways, what about her actual statement? Well…that’s absolutely terrifying. Like, I am never going to be able to look at doors the same way ever again, am I? This is already a terrifying experience on its own, but the fact that Helen is an ESTATE AGENT of all things makes this so much worse, like you could just tell that this was her personal hell. And then we have the backrooms themselves which-yeah I’m going to call the corridors the backrooms until further notice because god damnit sometimes you just need to be annoying. Anyways, everything about that place(?) makes me uncomfortable. Firstly, the opening of the door reminded me a little bit of the coffin from Episode 2, and the corridors especially reminded me of Episode 30 with the slaughter house. But outside of those interesting yet admittedly tangential connections, there’s so many terrifying aspects of the backrooms that are just so extremely terrifying in their own right. The way the door just shows up out of nowhere and lures you in, the way Helen’s face looked like it had been crying for hours when she looked in the mirror, the repeated paintings, the temperatures that don’t make sense, Micheal just…lurking there waiting to kill her, how she ended up somewhere entirely new when she finally “escaped”, and of course, the fact that it functions like a Cthulhu city with how it just DOESN’T. MAKE. SENSE. That seems to be the main theme here, just…everything not adding up, confusing people, nearly making them go insane, that is the nature of these corridors, and Micheal himself. And you know what, I think it’s about time we talk about the end of the episode. While the statement is fantastically written and viscerally terrifying, it is overall very short, and I’d say the true meat of the episode comes from the ending. Because Oh. My. God. I have some thoughts.

I’m just going to start off by saying that the drawn-out door noises that played when Helen left initially just came as a “haha funny trauma noise” moment from Rusty Quill, and nothing more. …Oh how naive I once was. Anyways, before I talk about tall blonde and Handsome, I guess I should address the glorious(?) return of Not!Sasha! …Oh no. I don’t know if it’s more or less unnerving that she’s actually speaking like a somewhat normal person now. That…that is very very bad. But she still sounds so noticeably different from the real Sasha, so much colder…I…I really do not like her! The way that she avoids re-recording Sasha’s statement because she doesn’t remember the whole thing, and the funky audio distortion that plays in the room it’s…no! No no no no no! Well at least someone seems to know what’s really going on, and that is of course, the man who speaks in hands (woah reference), Micheal…something! Apparently there’s no such thing as a real name so I’m going to assume he just doesn’t have a last name for the time being. Anyways, ever since Episode 26, this guy…thing…door has been haunting me for ages. He’s never quite at the center of my mind, that honor goes to people like the worm wife, god damn fool book-collecting dust-eating rat old bastard shithead idiot avatar of the whore, my goth son, and Jon and Martin but only if they are holding hands. But still, the way he was so enigmatic with his motivations, where he stood morality wise, his generally creepy vibe that makes me imagine him as a guy that’s always smiling, his big-ass hands, and the sense that he was so above everything and everyone in this entire story, it always kept me terrified and intrigued. And now that we’ve finally met him…yeah, he absolutely lived up to the hype. I’m sorry Jane, but I think I’ve found a new obsession. I want this thing and his gender carnally. His VA does such a phenomenal job, like I know it’s somewhat filtered but still, the tone and especially the laugh, like HOLY SHIT that is a creepy laugh, it’s all fantastic. And I mean, yeah, it still feels like he’s so above everything else, like everything connects back to him, but also like he’s so vastly beyond everything that it doesn’t connect at all. All of his dialogue is so confusing but also interesting and…well, I guess I should discuss his dialogue, because there is actually quite a lot to unpack from a good amount of his sentences.

So, when Micheal first shows up, the strange pitch that started playing when Not!Sasha entered the room changes, suggesting that Micheal and Not!Sasha are either very different from one another, or very similar. (Also, I’m assuming that the pitch playing when Not!Sasha was around is a different one from Micheal’s, because it sounds really similar to the sound that played when Sasha came across the table in artifact storage.) Either way, his first line “Do you even know they’re lying to you” seems to confirm that Micheal knows the truth about what happened to Sasha, showing how powerful he really is. Now granted, when you consider his naturally maddening personality I doubt he’s going to reveal the truth anytime soon, but it’s worth keeping in mind. (Especially since it’s implied that Elias knows what’s going on, or at least has a hunch so….hm….) Going forward, Micheal refuses to elaborate on how he got in, like the silly king he is, and then says his name is "a real name." This is interesting, as he later contradicts this by saying there's no such thing as a real name. Obviously that last quote ties into themes of inhumanity and lack of identity that seem to follow him, but I'm just going to assume the contradictions are a result of him just, once again, not making sense. I'm sure there's a deeper meaning, I just don't quite know what said deeper meaning is yet. Also I love how when Micheal said he wasn't going to kill Jon, Jon was like "oh :/". Just like...end his suffering I guess. That seems to be another prevalent theme with Micheal. He's not exactly...good, but he's also not really a major antagonistic force...yet, at least. Regardless, it's next that we learn why he's here and...oh...oh no. That's genuinely really off-putting. So yeah, Helen got trapped in the backrooms AGAIN, right after she gave her statement. I...I don't think her chances are all that good if I'm being honest. Damn. DAMN. Also, the part where Jon realizes that the door she left from was never there...that was absolutely chilling. (Although isn't it like...a yellow door? Wouldn't Jon have noticed that? Unless the doors in the archives are already yellow?) But like, imagine if this was a common occurrence. Like, what if Jon just read, I don't know, Jason North's statement from Episode 37, and then immediately got set on fire? Because that's what this feels like. Interestingly, when Jon questions if Micheal is the owner of the backrooms, he responds with "does your hand, in any way, own your stomach?" This seems to suggest that Micheal and the backrooms are one and the same which is...not confusing and terrifying at all! I'll take a bit more about what I think Micheal even is in a second but for now just keep in mind that this information is...very concerning. Also "let her go!" followed by "no :)" was kind of funny. After all that, Micheal...stabs Jon? I mean, that's absolutely not a good thing, but it didn't seem that major or painful all things considered. I'm just going to assume he used his big-ass knife hands to stab Jon in an ultimately non-vital place, because that's what the audio seems to suggest. Now, I'll touch a bit more on Micheal's comments about his own identity in a second, but for now, the last things he says correspond with his motivations. Apparently he helped Sasha learn about The Flesh Hive because he did not want the institute to disappear too early, as it would have "unbalanced the struggle." Jon believes that this implies the existence of a war, and given how I've been speculating that all of the horrors and their servants are at each other's throats...I have to agree. It also suggests that Micheal is a lot more aware of how things are going to pan out in the future than Jon, which is...interesting. Anyways, he then mysteriously vanishes, and Jon ends the recording. It's so serious that we don't even get a supplemental. So with all of this in mind...what are my overall thoughts on Micheal?

Let's just run through everything we know. Micheal is a weird tall blonde guy who has an uncanny laugh and massive hands. He is connected to some sort of maddening pocket dimension that is accessed through a teleporting yellow door. He lured Helen Richardson into there twice, and she is still stuck there. He also probably got rid of Ms. Richardson's actual clients, and he's implied to have some sort of connection to fractals (which admittedly to line up with how maddening he is), meaning there's a good likelihood he was the being chasing down Ivo Lensik's father, and he maybe had some sort of encounter with Jane given how she also mentions fractals. He seems to be antagonistic and has bad intentions, but wants the archival team to stay alive since he views them as important, and believes the loss of the institute would "unbalance the struggle" implying the existence of a war. (my theories are being validated kind of!) Despite this he chooses to stab Jon anyways, and his whole character seems to be built around insanity, doubt of one’s own mind, and contradictions. So…who or what do I think he is? Well, I think our best hints come from the one major piece of dialogue from him I neglected to mention. That being when he calls himself a “what” instead of a “who”, saying that a “who” represents a level of identity he “can’t ever retain”, and how he isn’t used to talking about himself. This all suggests that Micheal is obviously not human, but also can’t function under the human understanding of identity. However, he also says that his identity is something he can’t “retain” rather than “obtain”. This suggests that he might have actually been something more human than what he is now in the past. And…funnily enough, this kind of lines up with the theory about Micheal Keay and Mike Crew I just made. (And, yes, hearing him in this episode immediately after writing that down was indeed very exciting.) I mean, in the slim chance that theory is correct, then..yeah, a guy who lived beyond his natural lifespan and then absorbed another guy, possibly even more people, would not really be all that human. They’d have multiple identities conflicting with each other. But granted, this theory is pretty cracked in my opinion, so maybe something more logical would be…something like the anatomy students! They also kind of had this lack of identity and weird way of speaking, so it could line up very well. Also, they contorted their bones at one point (which is admittedly more similar to The Boneturner’s Tale but still), and you know how they were all functioning under the basic bitch names of different cultures? Well…Micheal is one of the most common names in the west so, who knows? And this might connect back to Not!Sasha! After all, I’ve already made comparisons between her and the anatomy students, and Micheal is aware of her true identity, and he plays a different yet still pretty similar pitch to her when he’s in the room, and the hypnotic pattern on the table might be similar to FRACTALS? Look…I’m basically saying that Micheal is an enigma, and there are a lot of opportunities for what he could be. But what I do know…is that this thing is so far above everyone else like holy shit. He just…I don’t know what it is, I feel like he’s basically god. Everything connects back to Micheal, but it also doesn’t because he couldn’t care less about all this shit. It feels like almost everything has at the very least a small connection to him. I don’t know why I think this it’s JUST. THE. VIBE.

Wow. That was certainly quite the episode. While the statement itself was very short, and while I am confused out of my goddamned mind, this was another phenomenal episode. It should be a crime to put this right after Literary Heights, I’m just saying. It had a really well-written main character, a terrifying scenario, dozens upon dozens of implications, and…Micheal. Just Micheal. There is probably so much that I didn’t even touch on here, but that’s just because my brain is so scrambled trying to figure this all out! Which you know, given the themes of the episode, I feel like that’s by design, and I’m ok with that. I’m very excited to see…whenever and however this all pans out, but for now, I’m going to take a three day-nap. Honk shoo mimimi or whatever the kids say.

I said “Micheal” like…26 times in this section alone…Fuuuuuuuccckkk. Am I really about to ditch the worm wife for the hallway husband? (Update: No, but that’s only because I realized I have two hands.)

- Episode 48, Lost in the Crowd 🧳

Statement of Andrea Nunis, regarding a series of encounters in the streets of Genoa, Italy.

Ok, so thankfully after Micheal’s Marvelous Maze of Madness ft. Micheal, this episode was a bit of a more standard affair, and a lot easier to digest and process. That being said, this one kind of fucked me up! Generally I’m a pretty introverted person, so I’ve found it kind of interesting how the couple of statements where the idea is “character who likes being alone gets karma” are some of the scariest for me personally. Also, I will mention that while there is a common theme between this and Episode 13, I don’t necessarily think they’re connected for a couple of reasons. Firstly is the lack of any tangible signs of The Lukas Family, and secondly is the fact that Naomi’s experience manifested in the form of a wide open field with nearly nothing in it, while Andrea’s was in the form of a crushing crowd. Granted there was a gray sky in the alleyway she went into, which could connect to Naomi’s fog but…eh, I’m not too sure. I personally think the one thing that connects this statement to the rest of the series is Gerard’s presence, which I’ll get to later, but still, those similar themes of one’s own introverted tendencies being turned against them felt worth mentioning. But outside of that recurring theme calling me out a second time, there were quite a few other things that really spooked me. Ethan’s fate was genuinely pretty sad as he seemed like a nice guy, the mentions of heat popping up once again were unnerving as usual, and…the crowd itself. This…this genuinely had me curled up in a ball. I hear people say that you will inevitably find at least one tma episode that feels like it’s targeting you specifically, and while I can’t confirm if this is that episode for me, I…wouldn’t be surprised if it was by the time I’ve finished listening. I have a very bad relationship with crowds so…yeah, this one hit very close to home. The description was…so, so visceral. The blanked out faces, the garbage noise, the constant shoving…I think it put how I subconsciously view crowds into words perfectly, and…yeah, I don’t really have that much more to say about the statement other than it was sad and terrifying for me. Needless to say I don’t think I have any desire to go traveling any time soon lmao. But hey, that all just means it’s doing a damn good job as an episode of a horror podcast!

But outside of the core story, we obviously have the very intriguing return of who is presumably…MY GOTH SON HELL YEAH! GERARD KEAY NATION LET’S FUCKING GO!!! Honestly, considering that he has to live a life of fighting the horrors (and maybe…spreading them…), and also seems to have a fucked up family history, I genuinely hope that he was just on vacation here, whether he’s good or bad or morally gray, I think he deserves a break. Anyways his appearance here is certainly pretty intriguing. Not only is this the first statement he appears in that seems to be completely unrelated to any Leitners, but he also mentions that Andrea had been “marked”. Marked by…what exactly? If I had to guess, I would assume that it would be the entity possessing Hill Top Road. When it fully took over Edwin Burroughs, he said “I am marked”, and on top of that, it also has connections to heat and distorting the world around people until they snap back to reality, both of which are things that Andrea experiences. Honestly, this being seems to pop up all over the place, as it seemingly has some level of ties to The Cult of Asag and maybe even Micheal (though that’s probably just the brain rot talking), and while it definitely seems to be at its strongest on Hill Top Road, it’s implied that it possessed the girl who Edwin Burroughs attempted to perform and exorcism on, so I think it can still appear in other places. Thankfully Andrea seems to have been able to fend it off by thinking of her mother, but that just makes me more intrigued as to how Gerard knew that would help fend off some sort of eldritch heat god. On top of that, this is like…the one statement so far where he shows up and doesn’t do anything that is potentially morally questionable, outside of Pageturner in retrospect I guess, so…yeah, even though this episode was a lot more easy-going than the last one, it’s still given me a lot more to think about. Gerard’s presence and actions, whatever marked Andrea and caused all the bad stuff to happen…it is certainly all very intriguing. Overall, while this isn’t an all time favorite episode for me or anything, I still thought it was a very good one and…genuinely really unsettling for me personally. I’m glad we got to see another look at Gerard and, yeah, there’s not much more to say, just another good episode. Well…there’s not much more to say outside of the supplemental at least.

Oh god fucking damnit Jon. He has clearly not heeded my advice to lie down because what the fuuucckkk. I understand if he’s a little bit shaken after the encounter with Micheal, and obviously watching a real-estate agent basically die without you knowing would probably fuck you up but OH. GOD. Ok well, it’s at the very least a good thing that he finally realized that something’s up with “Sasha” but…did he really need the god of confusion or whatever he is to tell him that?! You are an ARCHIVIST. An ACADEMIC. YOU SHOULD BE BETTER THAN THIS!!! He’s all like “I didn’t suspect her because she’s handled the Prentiss attack better than anyone else”…AS IF THAT’S SOMEHOW NOT CONCERNING?! IF I WAS HIM, I WOULD BE EXTREMELY CREEPED OUT IF SOMONE WAS JUST…CONTINUING AS NORMAL AFTER ALL OF THAT! God, what an absolute dumbass. His density knows no bounds. I love him dearly. Still though…it’s a good thing he caught on at least. And then we have his conversation with Elias, and yeah, that doesn’t do him any favors! Don’t get me wrong, the entire scene is absolutely hilarious, I love how he questions if Dr. Elliott or Micheal were filing complaints, how he chocks up being a fucking stalker to being “worried about Tim and Martin’s mental health” (oh god Martin’s crush is going to end up being so fucked I can already tell), and I love to envision him just standing outside Tim’s house with binoculars in a very easy-to-see location. But..wow! You know, when I said it would be nice to see him grow out of being a skeptic, I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THIS! And then he finishes the supplemental by saying he’s most suspicious of Elias which like…yeah, me too, but I don’t think it’s for the same reasons! If anything, this is the least suspicious Elias has ever been, honestly hai requests of Jon seem pretty reasonable. Well…at least Jon knows who to be the most suspicious of now…I guess. Someone please just knock him out with a frying pan, he really needs it (affectionately)….

- Episode 49, The Butcher’s Window 💪

Statement of Gregory Pryor, regarding his investigations into one Hector Lorado during the summer of 2007.

I’m going to start off by saying that for some reason, on the YouTube upload, the little title card didn’t fully load for this episode. What was up with that? Is “butcher” or “window” some sort of British swear I’m unaware of? Well, regardless….EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW!!!! Yet another episode that makes me feel really uneasy like…wow! I expected some body horror or meat related stuff given the title, but…I did NOT think it was going to go like…that. But outside of my sheer terror, this was another really great episode! It was terrifying, but it also built on some things that I…honestly kind of forgot about, helped fill in some gaps, and also came with some very fun reveals at the end. (oh my god I can’t wait to talk about that) As per usual I’ll start off with just some fun and interesting things about the episode that are easy to talk about. Firstly, I actually really liked Gregory Pryor as a protagonist here. I’ve always kind of had a fondness for the statement givers that are just…honestly pretty big dicks, as I think it adds a good level of realism to the world and helps to shake things up. Honestly the whole vibe of the statement was so gloriously shitty, I just got the sense that no one involved with what happened was particularly likable. I also was a little bit curious about the presence of the Ukrainian mafia here, initially I thought the guys who were bargaining with Hector were supposed to be Breekon and Hope but I think that was just me going insane. If I had to make one minor complaint about this episode, it’s that I felt like it took a while to get into the weird horror aspects. I mean, most episodes don’t get into the real meat until later on, but they usually add intrigue with just…little oddities here and there. For example, Episode 46 doesn’t get truly freaky until later on, but the mentions of the weird smells and lightbulbs whenever Mike entered the room helped in making me feel uneasy, while this episode doesn’t really have much of that. But this is overall a very small and meaningless complaint, because when we do get into the actual horror…oh my god. I have some things to say.

So…yikes. Before we discuss the return of the big beefy bully boy, I’ll just talk a little bit about how FUCKING GRUESOME this part is. Like…I was very disturbed. Gregory hiding in the locker, Hector turning out to be alive, all of the shit that Jared did, the teeth hole underneath the floorboards, the discarded clothes and the body of the original owner that was later found, the general atmosphere of a morgue inside a butcher’s shop, the fact this went on for four fucking hours, and Gregory’s escape attempt which led to…the arm. I initially thought it got chopped off, which would have been terrible already, but then…then we learn that Jared FUCKING RIPPED THE BONE OUT THE SOCKET AND EW EW EW. All of this was tense and horrible and I absolutely loved it. Happy that Gregory got a prosthetic though, even if I just said he was kind of a dick. But anyways uh…Jared Hopworth is back! Honestly I kind of forgot about him, but it is really cool to see that he’s a more prominent recurring antagonist, given that his whereabouts were kind of a loose end at the end of Episode 17. And…I mean, I do not know how to feel about where he’s been. On one hand it’s..good for him(?) that he was able to capitalize his abilities (especially alongside the fucking mafia of all people), but on the other hand, he’s clearly a terrifying meat bone monster thing that is no longer human and is dismembering people in order to morph himself even further. So…yeah, overall I’d say his return isn’t exactly a good thing. I mean, he could change the medical world with these abilities but instead he does this. What an ass! But in all seriousness, I’m absolutely terrified of this man. Just the knowledge that this…thing is STILL out there, still turning people’s bones, is…not exactly a pleasant thought. Like, obviously this is fiction, but I LIVE in England, I still feel like Hulk: Bone Edition could come at me and that’s not a good thing. It’s also interesting that Jared is not seen using The Boneturner’s Tale to…you know, turn bones anymore. I’ve seen someone suggest that maybe he also put the book inside his body, which could definitely be the case, but Mike Crew still seemed to have some sort of connection to Ex Altiora even before he found the book so…I just get the feeling that a single encounter with a Leitner is enough to give someone some weird abilities, although it does make me question where the time might be now…yikes. (Also, if he opened the book at one point, does that mean that Mike could also turn bones? Or did the book specifically choose Jared as if it’s sentient? Honestly I’m just starting to get the vibe that this old-ass bibliophile is responsible for every little bad thing that happens in this podcast.) One other thing about Jared is that now that I think about it, his weird shape is very similar to that of the anatomy students and Micheal. There very well might be some connections there, but I’ll just have to wait and see where they might go. What’s also very curious to me is that…interesting hole that Jared started throwing the bones into. For some reason, it kind of reminded me of that part in Episode 30, where David Laylow was nearly fed to a massive meat grinder. I only say this because Jon straight up says that this statement reminds him of other meat-centric ones, such as Episode 30, but also others like Episode 18, probably. In fact, I wonder if this butcher’s shop is where Toby Carlisle from Episode 18 was getting the meat, maybe he knew Jared. Now, I can’t say how all of these episodes connect perfectly, I just know that there’s a connection. What I do find interesting however is that this episode is home to both meat and bones and…that got me thinking about a theory I had on ✨the horrors✨.

When I wrote about Episode 35, I listed out what I thought the driving forces behind all things spooky in the timeline were, and I mentioned something associated with meat, and something associated with bones as two of them. However, given what we have here, I now think that these “two” are actually the same being. Rather than one being meat and the other being bones, I think there is one singular being with command over bodies in general, and that’s what has been witnessed in every episode with either concept involved so far. This revelation doesn’t really give much, as I still don’t know…what the hell this thing even is, but it has made me want to revisit my list of ✨the horrors✨ with a new coat of paint. So, here it is: Eldritch Gods 2.0!

- The Anglerfish (1, 28)

- Vertigo/The Vast (4, 21, 46)

- The Flesh Hive (6, 22, 26, 32, 36?, 39, 40, 45?)

- The Piper (7, 42?)

- Asag (8, 12, 19, 20, 37, 43, 48?)

- Devouring Darkness (9, 15, 25, 41)

- Eyes (12, 20, 23)

- Isolation (13, 33, 48?)

- Body Horror (14, 17, 18, 30, 35, 49)

- Spiders (16, 32, 38, 48)

- Whatever The Other Circus deals with (24, 44)

- Micheal :-) (8, 26, 47)

And then like…maybe one or two more if the passages Robert Smirke designed do indeed represent ✨the horrors✨. I also guess I should mention the remark I made about these things representing different fears, since I said that one of the reasons I scrapped that theory was because “bones” were just too specific. Now granted, I am not fully reviving this theory, as just because something is scary does not mean it represents fear (even though I still think fear is a core theme of the podcast(, but I will concede it makes the theory…slightly more plausible, but I’m still kind of on the fence about it. So um…yeah! That’s about it for the content of the statement! Overall another great one, a bit of a slow start but it more than made up for it with what happened later on! But of course, I can’t neglect to mention the follow-up and the supplemental because…oh my god this is absolute gold.

“Come on down to The Magnus Institute. We have Jonathan “Ex-theatre kid turned crazed conspiracy theorist” Sims, Martin “pines after his emotionally constipated boss that either hates him or suspects him of murder and steals tape recorders to write poetry” Blackwoood, Sasha “she is totally normal” James, Tim “bisexual icon otherwise known as Joe Spooky” Stoker, and Elias “smokes weed” Bouchard! Simply sell your soul to ✨the horrors✨ of academia, and start your work now!”

So…there’s certainly some interesting things to talk about here. There’s nothing about the statement that really sticks out, or that I haven’t already mentioned, but most of the interest comes from information on the institute staff. Firstly…hell yeah Tim you fucking get it. The man comes back from a horrific worm infestation and gets back to his hobbies of being silly and seducing cops for information. What an absolute legend, I wish he ran the institute, nay, the country. Also find it interesting that Basira has “refused to compromise her position any further”. Hopefully that just means that she doesn’t want to anything outside of sneaking in Gertrude’s tapes, as it would be a shame if those stopped coming in, given how interesting the first one was. It is very funny to me however that Jon says he doesn’t want to get involved in “personal drama”….when he is literally outside Tim’s house stalking him. Never change Jon. Actually please do change. Actually I don’t know. Also we have Not!Sasha, and while I can see why some might interpret her computer troubles as relating to the ones that force Jon to record statements on tape…I personally think she’s just really fucking weird. It also made me realize that doing I.T. in a place like this must seriously suck ass. (Oh god…imagine being in H.R. though…how would you manage the worms…HOW WOULD YOU MANAGE JON OH GOD.) So (almost, looking at you Not!Sasha) all of that is fine and dandy, but things get very interesting when we start to look at Jon’s investigations into Elias. Finally some substantial lore on this guy! (Sure, Jon should probably be looking into Not!Sasha but…he’s still suspicious as well so I won’t hold this one against him, even if his reasoning for suspicion from last episode is dumb as all hell.) So, we learn here that the institute was previously ran by a man named James Wright, who ran from 1973 to 1996. Not only does this mean that Episode 44 was recorded not too long after Elias took over, but it also means that…James Wright probably ran for an unusually short amount of time. I mean, I doubt you’d start running an institute like this in old age, and while he could’ve died in an accident or due to medical complications…I can’t just shake the feeling that he was murdered, despite the lack of information on him. Like, if Elias is being set up as antagonistic, which I feel like he is, then I could see him killing James just to gain his position. But on top of that lore, we learn that Elias joined in 1991, and worked in artifact storage, becoming head of the institute unusually quickly. But more importantly…HE CANONICALLY SMOKES WEED FUCK YEAH!!!! I don’t CARE if the implication is that he doesn’t do so anymore, I will forever believe that he still does it in secret because the amount of hilarious scenarios that could come from that are too good to pass up. But…yeah, this information on his past is weird. Like, you would not expect a stoner with a lackluster university degree to become the head of an eclectic academic institution so easily, let alone to have the personality of the Elias we see here. I saw someone suggest that maybe the real Elias was taken and replaced by one of the things that took and replaced Sasha, since he worked in artifact storage. I personally think it’s unlikely, since that event only transpired due to the table, which was only delivered to the institute fairly recently, but it’s a fun theory nonetheless, and it could explain why Elias seemingly knows that Not!Sasha isn’t who she says she is…and for some reason chooses not to tell Jon and the others. And hey, the table has definitely moved around before given it’s presence in Graham’s house, and maybe Hill Top Road, so it’s technically possible that it’s been to the institute before and was just temporarily moved to victimize someone. But as cool as this idea is, I have a bit of a different theory. It’s looser, but it makes more sense in my head.

You see, I think that Elias Bouchard has done some bad things and that he isn’t entirely moral, but I don’t think he has the worst intentions at heart. Based on all of the information, and the vibes he’s giving off, I think that he has likely witnessed the horrors first hand. This would explain his possible change in demeanor, perspective and personality after joining the institute, his supposed great knowledge on the paranormal, and why he was able to recognize Not!Sasha, without him being some horrific monster. I don’t think he was impersonated, but..he could’ve definitely seen something in artifact storage, or maybe even before then, as it would explain why he started work at the institute in the first place. And…I personally think he wants to avoid ✨the horrors✨as much as possible. He’s seen them first hand, and he wishes to keep them far away. This would explain a multitude of things. It would explain why he’s quite discouraging towards Jon’s attempts at investigation, why he was willing to sacrifice Jon and Martin to deadly C02 if it meant killing Jane, why he’s so quiet about details surrounding Gertrude. And mentioning Gertrude, if we assume that Elias did indeed kill her (which I still think is the most likely course of action, even with the potential of him being a red herring) then this potential worldview of his would explain why he would’ve killed her. Gertrude clearly knew quite a lot about ✨the horrors✨, much more than Jon at least, given how she talks about The Other Circus with such familiarity. And given how it seems that at least two cults have something against her, it’s safe to assume that she made an enemy of eldritch forces. So, Elias killed her out of fear for what she could’ve caused. And that’s why he’s trying to keep Jon calm (and desperately failing, might I add), as he does not wish to kill him as well. I know all of this is a huge claim to make but honestly…I could see it working out. I feel like Elias will end up being a very morally compromised character, one that has good yet potentially misguided intentions at heart, and had to do some terrible things to keep ✨the horrors✨ at bay. …I’ll just have to wait and see, I guess.

So yeah…that’s Episode 49. Another great episode as always, it definitely went some interesting places, and I’m very intrigued by the information on both Jared and Elias. Also, I hope that Tim’s polycule ends up successful (I’m just going to go on that assumption because it’s more fun.) I…once again don’t really know how to end this so uh…here’s a wacky link I found!

http://paypal.com/IFuckingHateJurgenLeitner

- Episode 50, Foundations 🏛️

Statement of Sampson Kempthorne, regarding the workhouse architecture of George Gilbert Scott.

And here we are! I’m now 25% of the way through The Magnus Archives, woohoo! So, did this episode conclude the first quarter of the series in a satisfying way? Well…I mean I guess yeah? Overall, I think the general concept of the episode makes it more than worthy, as having another statement given directly to the guy who founded the institute here does feel very totally fitting. But…I don’t know, it isn’t exactly a favorite for me. Not due to any particular flaws, as always it’s still very enjoyable and far from bad, but I guess I just don’t have that much to say about it, especially in comparison to some of the other episodes from this first quarter of the season. Regardless, there’s still definitely quite a few things worth talking about so uh…how about I get into that?

I’ll start off by saying that this episode does immediately get points for incorporating real-world history into it, which I’ve already said is something I really like in this podcast. As it turns out, Sampson Kempthorne, George Gilbert Scott, and Henry Roberts were all real people, along with the returning Robert Smirke, so it’s cool to see them get incorporated into the plot here. Although, I did find it funny how the case number was “8141206” as that error makes it seem as if the statement was given in 1814…and all of these guys would’ve been children at that point in time. This episode also thankfully gives a bit more information on Jonah Magnus, the founder of the institute. At this point in time he would’ve actually founded the place, unlike in Episode 23, and honestly, I think he would’ve had a lot in common with Jon. I mean, both of them probably talk like the haunted protagonists of Victorian gothic horror novels, and also need some rest, I can see some similarities there. I’ll touch a bit more on Jonah later, but for now I’ll just say that…yeah, those letters are a little…not all that heterosexual sounding. I mean, most old letters between two rich guys do feel kind of fruity by modern standards but…you get what I mean right? But as for the statement, well, I’ve got to say I love how we now have multiple instances of people leaving to New Zealand for the sake of escaping ✨the horrors✨ of England. I don’t know I just think that’s kind of funny. But when we get into the paranormal stuff that happens here…well, it’s pretty vague, but I think I can make some sense of what’s happening here. Obviously the person behind all of this is “The Governor”, someone with the ability to make buildings compress and kill people. My current assumption is that this “Governor” is indeed George Gilbert Scott. Both of them are…well firstly, they’re both really weird, but there’s some other things worth noting here as well. They both have some sort of interest in compressing architecture, we’re nearby the sites of The Governor’s actions, and on top of that, George’s plans were found in Sampson’s house after it started to close in on him. If they are not the same person, then they are at the very least strongly related and working together. However, the existence of The Governor does bring up some interesting ideas. You see, I initially assumed that the darkness worshipped by The People’s Church of The Divine Host was the same thing that appeared in Episode 15 and Episode 41, having the ability to morph rooms in order to trap and kill people. Now, that darkness could’ve still been there in those episodes but…honestly, aside from Sampson’s incident taking place at night, this darkness doesn’t really seem to be present here. This actually makes me think that the darkness and the compression are the results of two different eldritch horrors, and if we go back to the theory on what I think ✨the horrors✨ are, that brings us to a total of thirteen. Now, I still think that there’s actually fourteen eldritch beings at that the death number is meant to throw me off, as the passage that led to the central room in Episode 35 also had weird properties. In fact, that specific passage might actually be meant to represent the compressing horror. So, I still think I’m missing something here if my theory is in the right place, but I feel like I might have made a step in the right direction here. So, uh… Eldritch Gods 3.0!

- The Anglerfish (1, 28)

- Vertigo / The Vast (4, 21, 46)

- The Flesh Hive (6, 22, 26, 32, 36?, 39, 40, 45?)

- The Piper (7, 42?)

- Asag (8, 12, 19, 20, 37, 43, 48?)

- Darkness (9, 15?, 25, 41?)

- Eyes (12, 20, 23)

- Isolation (13, 33)

- Body Horror (14, 17, 18, 30, 35, 49)

- Compression (15, 41, 50)

- Spiders (16, 32, 38, 48)

- Whatever The Other Circus deals with (24, 44)

- Micheal :-) (8, 26, 47)

So there you go! This is my current list until further notice! One last thing I feel is worth mentioning is that Smirke suggests that George had a “patron”, but I have to wonder what that actually means. It could definitely mean The Governor, if he’s a different person, but if George is The Governor…then you could maybe take more a D&D Warlock approach to the term “patron”. Also, I fee I should address why I view ✨the horrors✨ as “eldritch”. Simply put, some spoiler-free content on tma I saw called it eldritch horror, so I’m just going on the assumption that’s what’s being dealt here. I only say this because there is still some good evidence for all of this to be the work of demons, or something along those lines, so I wanted to explain why I have this interpretation. Anyways uh…back to the statement! So, the other main thing of intrigue that came from this episode was of course the return of Robert Smirke, which also acts as our first look at him as a character. And…he’s pretty confusing to me. You see, with the way that he talks about George’s architecture, how he bashed it and says that Sampson was lucky to not have to work with him much longer, you’d assume he stands in opposition to whatever George / The Governor is doing. But then again, HE built the passages underneath the reform club, as well as the ones beneath the institute, so he’s not entirely resolved of making creepy architecture either. Now granted, I have suggested that you can serve one horror and be against others. For example, I believe Gerard serves whatever horror connects to eyes, but that he’s against Vertigo/The Vast and Asag given his actions. The problem however is that Smirke built the tunnels which I believe reflect ✨the horrors✨, so…that would mean he doesn’t really have a side in this conflict (which I assume to be the conflict Micheal talks about). Overall Smirke’s motivations and morality are very enigmatic at the moment. But what’s even more interesting here is that based on Sampson’s words, it seems that while the institute was founded in concept by this point, the actual building might not have been, since Jonah was working at Edinburgh Townhouse. This makes it possible that Jonah built the institute over the tunnels even though he had knowledge of Smirke’s strange designs. Which like, I get it, if you have an interest in the paranormal that’s fair enough of a move to make but…it just makes me worry about the purpose of the institute a lot more, and also makes me concerned for Jonah’s fate. I feel like an overarching theme of the story is that if you dig too deep, you’ find something you wish you hadn’t found, which makes me very fearful for the history of the institute, everyone currently working there…and myself, now that I think about it. (And if the institute has a stake in the “struggle” Micheal mentions…are they aligned with the compression horror?) Overall, while this episode isn’t an all-time favorite for me, it’s given me enough to think about going forward. The history of the institute, The Governor and the…odd themes of poverty abuse that follow him now that I think about it, and Smirke’s architecture are all very interesting topics that I would love to see get expanded further. While it’s not my favorite episode, I think it certainly works as a finale to the first quarter of the podcast.

Oh yeah, the supplemental. Uh….I mean, this one is fairly brief but that’s fine because it’s funny as fuck. Oh Tim…you have no idea do you? I mean, that’s not me saying that Jon reciprocates Martin’s feelings at the moment, because have you SEEN the man? What I am saying is that…Tim really is a bestie ignoring the plot isn’t he? Like, I love him, but he has NO idea where the romantic subplot is going. But outside of that, it’s nice to know Basira is still trying to give out the tapes, and it’s also good to see that Jon is finally in…some form of therapy. Hooray for marginal improvement!

Well, that’s a wrap on the first quarter of season two, as well as the first quarter of the entire podcast! In conclusion, season two has been absolutely fantastic so far. So many great episodes like Grifter’s Bone, Tightrope, Literary Heights and The New Door have already blown me away, and it makes me even more excited to see what the rest of the season will dish out. The supplementals are a great way to advance the plot, and the directions all of the characters and storylines are taking are extremely satisfying and/or interesting. Looking back it’s…kind of insane that I’ve gotten this into the podcast. I initially started listening because I wanted to write my own horror, and thought something to have in the background for inspiration would be nice. But then I listened to the first two episodes while doing mundane busywork in a class and…it absolutely hooked me. And here I am, writing ass-long posts about them. I still intend to write my own works in the future someday, and I’m working on it as we speak, but I’ve just got to say it’s been such a delight getting deep into this, and everyone who worked on this podcast has my highest respect. And as always, thank you for reading of you’ve made it this far, I consider you an absolutely legend of perseverance if you’re able to listen to someone ramble for this long. In conclusion, Jon needs a nap, Martin needs a happy relationship, Tim needs all of the riches in the world, Not!Sasha needs to die, Elias needs to explain himself, Gertrude needs to explain herself, Basira needs to be careful, Helen needs to GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE, and Micheal needs to get in my life right now. See you next time :).

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[ynscrazylife]

i’m a simple gal...... i like seeing natasha being overprotective and a little homicidal SO could i please request some cute mentor!almost itherlynat x reader? maybe reader gets badly hurt during training or someone on the team hurts her feelings? mamabear stabs? 🥺

More Than A Mentor | n.r fluff fic

Summary: After an accident, Y/N realizes her and Natasha’s relationship goes beyond mentor and mentee.

Authors Note: Thank you for requesting! I’ve missed writing Marvel/Natasha.

MCU Masterlist #1 | MCU Masterlist #2 | Main Masterlist

Request to be on a Taglist (or multiple) here! (Taglists are at the end of the fic)

PSA: Do NOT copy, steal, translate, plagiarize, republish, etc any of my works on Tumblr or any other platform. Also, do NOT claim any of my works as your own. All of works are either requests I’ve gotten that people have wanted me to write or original ideas I’ve had for works. If you happen to take inspiration from anything I’ve written and want to write something inspired by that, please a) ask me first and b) IF I say yes, credit me as inspo in your post by tagging me and link whatever work of mine that inspired you. Thanks.

header c @/marvelocks

Natasha was not an easy mentor, and Y/N learned that quickly. She was understanding and patient, yes, but she also knew when to push Y/N and went to be a little stricter. 

The thing was, Y/N was never completely sure what side she’d get of her mentor at what time - though she found herself not having to worry about it after . . . The Accident. 

That disastrous day would go down in the team’s history, yet no one liked to talk about it. It was a day Y/N would never forget: it changed . . . everything.

It was one of the rare days that Y/N wasn’t training with Natasha. She had a meeting with Fury so Steve filled in for her. Y/N was not accustomed to training with a super soldier, and had to quickly adjust (it didn’t make it any easier that he had his shield, too). 

She was doing well - at least, she wanted to think that she was - and so far had deflected almost every punch from Steve, managing to get one or two punches against him herself. 

Nonetheless, the air was knocked out of her when Steve slammed her against the mat. She grunted, angry only fueling the pain when she saw that stupid smirk on his face, and used that to her advantage; he wouldn’t expect her to recover so quickly (and in truth, neither did she) but she did it anyway, throwing all her weight against the Captain. She secured he legs around his waist like Natasha taught her and, using the strength in her legs and pushing his broad shoulders, just about managed to get herself out from being pinned on the mat. Now, though, they were both sorta sitting on the mat, so Y/N kneed him in the chest, pushing him down. 

“You’re good,” he whispered, just slightly out of breath, before he - seemingly without using any strength at all - threw her to the side where she rolled. 

Y/N cursed under her breath, getting her feet. It was impossible to win against a super-soldier! Think, Y/N, think, what did Natasha teach you? Cmon! 

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Steve grabbing his shield, and got in a stance to either catch it or evade it - she hadn't decided yet - when yells distracted her. In her hyped up, adrenaline-pumped state, the first thing that came to Y/N’s mind was that someone was hurt. She was about to call of the training when a large, solid force smacked into her stomach, sending her flying into the air where she hit the wall, losing consciousness. 

Steve's eyes widened, not thinking it’d actually hit her, and jumped into action. “Who the hell screamed?” The blonde yelled as he ran to his fallen teammate. He carefully turned her on her back and looked her over for injuries, seeing bruises and bleeding starting to form on her stomach and ankle and her head bleeding. 

Bucky and Sam practically crashed inside the room, trying to beat each other. 

“He threatened me!” Sam exclaimed. 

“He tried to steal my metal arm!” Bucky defended. 

Both men came to a screeching halt when they digested the scene, though. Steve rolled his eyes at his idiotic friends and tried to put pressure on Y/N’s head wound. “Sam, get Bruce, please. Tell him to prepare med - and Bucky, get Natasha. She’ll want to be here,” he ordered, and the men nodded, guilty. 

Steve carefully picked Y/N up in his arms and hoisted her into the air, carrying her to med where Bruce and Helen were, Sam explaining the situation to them. Instantly, Helen jumped into action. She instructed Steve to lay Y/N down on one of the med’s beds and then ushered the men out of the room, where she then began grabbing various medical things and assessing Y/N’s injuries, instructing Bruce to hook her up to an IV.

Steve and Sam stood outside, not saying a word to each other, both pacing back and forth. They did not have to be silent for long, though, because pounding footsteps soon approached and the men looked up to see a very furious Natasha with Bucky trailing behind her. 

The redhead’s eyes fell onto the closed med doors and huffed, turning back to Steve. “I leave her with you for training one day and she gets hurt?!” She demanded, crossing her arms and glaring at him. 

Steve swallowed. “Nat, I-” He began to say, but was cut off. 

“What happened?” Natasha asked. 

Steve glanced up at her, first irritated when she asked him a question and then interrupted him whilst he was answering, but backed off when he saw the urgency, the nervousness in her eyes; she was scared. Scared that Y/N was really hurt and guilty. 

“We were training. I threw my shield at her, expecting her to catch it or duck . . . But Sam and Buck distracted her and it hit her,” he said, not wanting to throw his friends under the bus but also knowing he had to be truthful.

Natasha stood in place, processing the information. She took a breath, and had almost completely calmed down when Bucky decided to open his mouth.

“Y’know, if anything we tested her. What if someone yelled during a mission? Is she gonna get distracted then?” He mumbled, not really meaning it but wanting to spare him and Sam Natasha’s wrath.

Karma’s a bitch, though, because it did the exact opposite.

If you blinked you’d miss it: Natasha swiftly turned and pushed Bucky against the wall, pinning him there with his hands above his hand.

“Don’t you dare start blaming this on Y/N, you hear me?” She said in a low tone, glaring.

Bucky quickly nodded and Natasha released him. When she did, the door opened and Helen appeared.

“She’ll be okay—” Helen began, and Natasha let out a breath of relief, “—but she does need to be off training for at least a month. She has a concussion, broken ankle, and . . . the shield sort of stabbed her in her stomach.”

It took a couple moments for all four to digest this. Steve paled and Natasha’s crossed arms for tighter as she bit her lip. “Can I see her?” She asked.

“She’s still unconscious, but yes,” Helen answered, nodding.

Natasha almost failed to contain the gasp lurching to leave her throat when she saw Y/N, all bandaged up. The spy gulped and sat down beside her, not knowing what else to do other than sit there, and had no clue what she’d say when Y/N woke up because she sure as hell wasn’t leaving her. Thankfully, Natasha had some time to think it out.

Almost a day later and Natasha hadn’t left — Clint had convinced her to go sleep and eat for a couple hours, but that was it — and now, Y/N woke up.

“Ms. Romanoff?” Y/N murmured in a haze of confusion, squinting her eyes to see her mentor curled up in a chair, reading a big book.

Natasha snapped her head up and immediately sat forward, a smile covering her face. “Y/N! You’re awake? How are you feeling? And how many times have I told you to call me ‘Natasha’?”

Y/N blushed but nodded. “I’m fine, probably the painkillers’ doing though . . . How long was I out?” She said.

“Around a day,” Natasha answered.

“Did you . . . Did you stay here?” Y/N asked again, a little smaller this time, playing with her blanket.

“Most of it, yeah,” Natasha murmured, relaxing into the chair.

“Really? You’re-you’re not mad?” Y/N said, eyes wide and jaw dropped in surprised.

Natasha scrunched her face up. “What? No — of course I’m not mad! You’re like my daughter! How could I be—?”

Natasha was cut off by Y/N’s loud, yet thankful gasp. The teenager sat up and wrapped her arms around Natasha and, after a moment, Natasha smiled and wrapped her arms around her too.

Y/N truly was like her daughter, and mothers were always protective over their children.

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[sovtwords]

a king and his pawns

pairing: kita shinsuke x reader x miya atsumu warnings: 18+, royalty!au, threesome (M/M/F), bisexuality, anal, double penetration, hand jobs, blow jobs, doggystyle, kissing with cum, dom/sub undertones, fluff, established relationship w/c: 7.7k a/n: -AO3 LINK HERE- This is a little side-story thing I wrote for a royal!au I haven't actually gotten around to writing yet so WELP. It's fine tho, this was written for Kita's bday and he deserves it. LOVE YOU!! This fic features men engaging in sexual acts together so if that ain't your cup of tea then feel free to back out if you're uncomfortable! I'm bad at writing smut anyway, you'd probably be doing yourself a favour lmao. Regardless, enjoy!! Please lemme know what you think.

Kita Shinsuke was stressed. It’s not often the King loses his cool, but it seems as though life wishes to taunt him this week. Trade with Corvus has momentarily stopped due to an internal dispute meaning the Kingdom will be low on textiles for the unforeseeable future, a sudden drought has put the crops at risk, and Ginjima continues to test his patience with every new raid on the homesteads just outside of the kingdoms border - not within where Kita can arrest him, but close enough to be a thorn in his side.

He’s so very tired and so very alone, and everyone sees it as they convene for weekly meetings. They eye him with worry, yet he shrugs off every word of concern with the grace as befitting his title, though his Masters of War and Prosperity respectively eye him the most, the worry so potent on Lady Miya’s face he feels a warmth blooming in his chest. She even dares to lay a comforting hand on her king, and he allows only her to disregard her courtesies (not that she would ever forget them) and touch him. It’s nice to be treated well.

The meeting ends, and Kita is so close to retiring to his balcony to rest for a while until he notices that the happily married couple stay. “Ya alright there, Kita?” Atsumu asks, opting to drop all formalities and talk as friends like when they were younger. Kita’s glad for it.

“I’m fine,” he lies, and knows it wasn’t very convincing with the way they stare in disbelief. “Things are just tense right now. I’m sure we’re all feeling it,” he elaborates. Lady Miya takes his hand in hers once more, small fingers gripping tightly onto his. He keeps his eyes trained on them.

“That’s right, but you don’t have to burden this alone. It’s why you have your council. And you don’t have to hide anything from us. We’re here to listen to you, my King, so please – share your worries with us, so that you might feel better.”

Ah. His heart clenches with affection, and a soft smile grows on his face when he looks at the earnestness in your gaze, thumb idly stroking your fingers and momentarily forgetting that your husband is still in the room, sitting just to his left. But it’s so easy to forget that when his attention is focused on the right of the table, when Atsumu himself hasn’t said a word when normally he would screech if anyone dared get chummy with his wife, King or not.

“Thank you, my Lady. It warms my heart to know that you care so deeply,” he says carefully, pulling back with a quiet sigh. “But I’m fine, truly. I find that reading the books that you gifted to me helps me to relax.”

“I know another way ya might relax,” Atsumu interrupts before his wife gets sucked into a long conversation about stories.

“What is it?”

“Well, it’s something more suited for behind the doors of your chambers, if ya catch my drift,” Atsumu smirks, while his Lady looks appalled. Kita feels the tips of his ears burn but keeps his expression as stony as ever.

“That’s crude, Atsumu. And you know that I’m averse to…” he trails off awkwardly, glancing at you out of the corner of his eye. Atsumu laughs.

“I know ya don’t take concubines. But that doesn’t stop ya from reading the spicier books in the library, does it?”

“What’s yer point, Atsumu?” He asks bluntly. Better to get whatever trick he has planned over and done with. The blonde smirks, eyes shifting between himself and his wife.

“Was just wonderin’ if ya wanted a private show, that’s all. My Lady here makes for quite the spectacle. Just a way for ya to destress.”

Lady Miya gasps loudly, a blush burning on her face as she stares at her husband in complete shock while Kita’s heart stalls in his chest.

Watch his friends while they… No. That’s a boundary he should not cross. No matter how many times his eyes have slipped downwards to where your chest is pushed upwards by the corsets of your newer dresses, or how smooth your neck looked when you lean over to discuss reports with him, he…no. Such intimacy should belong in their bedroom, not his. Right?

“Atsumu, that's not a funny joke. You should watch your mouth and apologise to your wife for embarrassing her“

“Hold on now, your highness, she didn’t say no.”

Kita blinks. Looking to where she sits, he sees the obvious humiliation on her face, clear as day as the heat on her cheeks. But with it, a look of conflict, a spark of curiosity in your eyes when they lock with his.

“I…If it pleases my King, then I don’t mind. I would do anything for my King,” she says resolutely, and the way your voice grows airy every time she speaks of his title sends sparks straight to his groin. He swallows harshly, opens and closes his mouth a few times as he feels the heat of Atsumu’s smirk boring down on him. It had definitely been a while since he’d done anything of that nature, but… was this really ok?

It’s silent for what seems like forever. Eventually Kita calls out to the servant standing outside the council room.

“Find the largest chaise you can find and have it delivered to my room. I want it there by tonight.”

God’s above, save him. He was really going through with this.

- - - - - - - -

Night has fallen, the castle is quiet.

He doesn’t know how he should act. It seems as though nobody except Atsumu knows how to act, if the way Lady Miya sits with her back straight as a pillar and arms folded politely in her lap was any indication. Atsumu lounges against the chaise in front of Kita’s bed with a drink in one hand and fingers twirling through the sash of your robe in the other , waiting for either Kita or his wife to make any sort of move, though it seems as though their nerves have gotten the best of them.

“Shy, Kita?” the blonde Lord asks. Kita gives an embarrassed furrow of his brows, but stays quiet. Atsumu chuckles. “Well then. Does my King agree to let me be the one in charge tonight?”

How treacherous of Atsumu to ask, but with no real idea on how to go about this, Kita relinquishes control with a mute nod of his head. Better to let Atsumu take the reins than for him to accidentally cross a boundary he was unsure of. Atsumu downs his wine in record time, and moves to place it on a nearby dresser before returning to his Lady. He takes hold of your face with such reverence and love that Kita has to look away and swallow down the bitter jealousy swirling like bile in his gut. He hears Atsumu whisper some reassurances to you, and nimble fingers undo the sash around your waist.

You stand up at Atsumu’s request, and he takes your spot on the chaise, posted in front of the King for his viewing pleasure. “Didn’t want ya to miss this,” Lord Miya says, and swiftly loosens your robes, letting them pool around your feet and laying bare your silky and soft flesh for Kita to see. Dark eyes rove over plump breasts, wide hips and thick thighs, and he’s convinced that no concubine in the world could ever compete with the beauty standing in front of him, made all the more sweeter that you’re a coveted treasure by your husband, making Kita the only other man to ever see you like this. It makes his cock twitch in his breeches, and makes Atsumu smile devilishly because he knows the effect this is having on his superior.

Your gasp alerts him to the fingers that have slipped between your legs from behind to cup your sex, brushing against the light hair that Kita wants nothing more than to bury his face in right now. “She’s as sweet as a peach, this one,” Atsumu coos, pressing all the right buttons and gifting Kita with moans and sighs that Angels would blush to hear. “As wet as one, too. Let’s show King Kita, shall we?”

Without prodding you sit in Atsumu’s lap and allow him to spread your legs wide, and the candlelight makes the slick gathering on your cunt and thighs glisten, Kita’s brain faltering at the sight. His body grows hot with want, with need , and he nearly rips his shirt off of his body, composure slipping with each second that passes. Atsumu offered to let him watch, but now he’s not sure if he’s content to be just a bystander.

You hum and squeal when Atsumu pushes two of his fingers past your folds, pushing in and out at a gentle pace that you’re no doubt familiar with as he prepares you for greater things to come. “Yer so quiet, Kita. Are ya not enjoying yourself?”

The Lady  looks at him then, a gentle pinch to her brows. “Are you…not satisfied with me, my King?”

Atsumu flashes an exaggerated pout over your shoulder. “Yeah, my King. After exposin’ my wife like this for ya, is she not enough?”

“She’s beautiful,” he chokes, clears his throat but it has little effect with how thick with lust his voice has grown. “She’s perfect.”

The smile on your pretty little face does funny things with his head.

“Ya hear that, my love?” Atsumu holds you close and rocks you side to side. “The King thinks yer beautiful. I dunno if many ladies can say that. Say thank you.”

“T-Thank you, my King. I’m honoured,” you grin. Kita gives you a small smile in return, though it falters at the edges when Atsumu catches you off guard and thrusts his fingers into you with great speed. It sounds wet and hot and Kita’s hand wraps around the bulge in his pants, stiff and begging to be touched, especially when the usually composed Lady Miya in front of him whimpers and pants like you’re in heat, moving your hips in sensual ways and locking eyes with Kita to steal the air from his lungs.

“A-Atsumu!” you gasp, wrapping a hand behind you to grasp the hair of your husband, but the smirk stays on his face, enjoying your plight. “Be gentle!”

“You love it,” he shushes you, planting kisses on your neck and biting down on your shoulder when you grow too rowdy. “Besides, we promised King Kita a good show, didn’t we? I have to prepare ya, don’t want ya cryin’ because yer tight hole wasn’t ready to be filled.”

You moan loudly when Atsumu brushes over your clitoris roughly, small hands moving to cover your mouth, and it’s the final push Kita needed to remove his trousers and take his cock in hand.

You watch in silence as he undresses, eyes immediately zoning in on the length and girth of his member, biting your lip for a different reason than when your husband removes his fingers from your core. Atsumu brings them up to the light to look at them curiously. They’re soaked from knuckle to fingertip, and when he pulls them apart tendrils of your slick keep them connected. Kita’s overcome with the desire to touch it, to touch you, see how you taste.

The smile Atsumu gives him sends chills through his body, as if his Master of War had read his mind.

“I think he wants a taste, my sweet,” Atsumu rubs soothing circles into your hip with his free hand, keeping his calculating eyes on his King. “What do you think?”

“The King can have whatever he wants,” is your answer, hiding a smile in your husband’s jawline while he laughs. Fuck, they were going to drive Kita insane. What surprises him even more, is instead of offering your pussy for Kita to lose himself in, Atsumu holds out his hand, like offering his fealty to the King once more as he had sworn so long ago.

“Then by all means, have a taste.”

There is a moment where it’s entirely too silent save for the heavy breathing Lady Miya is trying to get under control. A million thoughts run through Kita’s mind as his eyes flicker between Atsumu’s fingers, his childhood friends’ face, and the naked woman before him. It feels like entirely new territory, uncharted waters that Kita has only thought about dipping his toes into before running back out for fear of falling too deep into the water.

But in Atsumu’s eyes there's nothing but trust and desire, and in your eyes there's encouragement and adoration. His heart hammers in his chest, and burns with the overwhelming love and support from his closest. It makes his limbs move before his brain can catch up, leaning forward with his mouth opening while Atsumu’s grin grows wider, taking the digits in his mouth before hesitation can settle.

It’s strange, to suck on your best friend’s fingers, long and thick in his mouth, calloused from years of sword fighting as his tongue brushes against the pads of his fingertips. He can barely taste the saltiness of his skin though, as your sweet juices invade his senses like a summer wine, pure and sweet like the woman they came from. He grabs hold of Atsumu’s wrist when he makes to remove them, licking and scraping his teeth on them in a way that makes Atsumu’s breath hitch with widened eyes, and Kita mentally records it as a win before slowly releasing with a pop, lines of spit breaking the further away Kita gets as he takes his place on his bed once more, precum leaking from his slit.

It is Lady Miya who breaks Atsumu out of his trance with a gentle hand cupping his cheek and turning his attention back to the situation at hand. The smile on your face is light-hearted, if not mischievous, a gleam to your eye letting Kita know that you enjoyed what you just witnessed. “I think, dear husband, I’m ready to get fucked hard for the King.”

An impish grin blooms on Atsumu’s flushed face immediately at his wife’s forwardness. Honestly, Kita had never expected the Lady to be this way. You had always been on the reserved side, befitting your rank and lessons in etiquette. Quiet, polite, spoke when spoken to. If someone had told him a few years ago when Atsumu had introduced you to Kita when you were still giving the twins lessons in etiquette that he would be witnessing you in such a lewd position and answering all of the fantasies he had locked away, he would have almost laughed out loud at the absurd notion.

Funny how life works.

“Should we let his Royal Highness choose how I do it?” The blonde pushes his hair out of his eyes, and both Lord and Lady Miya look at him, eyes alight with interest.

“I…,” Kita clears his throat, brain bringing forth images of every position imaginable. He squeezes the base of his cock. Save it for the grand finale. “I want the Lady on her hands and knees facing me.”

That causes Atsumu to laugh in delight.

“Ah, takin’ her from behind, like mounting a bitch in heat,” he snorts. You pout at the language, but Atsumu kisses it away, lips pressing lightly against the bridge of your nose until you’re smiling again. “Never would’ve assumed ya liked it that way. Not very proper, is it?” Atsumu comments.

“Are you here to question your King on what he likes in bed, or are you going to deliver on your promise and show me somethin’ good?” Kita remarks.

Atsumu delivers another laugh as he lifts his wife off of his lap and places her onto the soft, cushioned chaise lounge as promised, knees spread apart and encouraging you to lean onto your elbows.

For a moment, as Atsumu undresses, he regrets not choosing a position that allows him to watch more closely as he enters in and out of you, but any complaints he has dies when Atsumu spits into his hand and rubs at his stiff member, lining it up with your entrance. Kita nearly cums all over his hand when he locks eyes with the woman across from him as Atsumu pushes in with a sigh of relief, no doubt seeking any sort of pleasure for his aching cock just like Kita. At least he has a pussy to bury himself in. King Kita just has his fist.

Your eyes flutter as Atsumu goes deeper into your tight cavern, groaning and furrowing your brows while you clutch onto the chair beneath you. You whimper when he bottoms out, and are only given a moment to adjust while Atsumu looks at Kita in question.

‘Shall I start?’, he seems to say.

Kita nods, and watches in perverse fascination as Atsumu rears his hips back and thrusts forward once more, making you choke on a scream as he sets a relentless pace, not holding anything back.

Your moans mix with yelps and screams of pleasure as your husband pounds into you from behind, round hands on soft hips and curls loosening from where they were pinned back on your head. Kita’s eyes stay glued to where your tits bounce with the force, hand finally giving him some relief and stroking his weeping cock, unwinding some of the tension in his shoulders and stoking the fire in his gut. He wants to reach out and fondle your chest, your nipples, but stays his hand, fear of crossing that damned boundary getting to him.

Atsumu is loud, he realises, almost as loud as his wife is right now. He groans and he growls like a wild animal, so overcome by the feeling of his Lady, of everything that she is, and praises fall from his lips like the water rushes down the mountain’s peaks.

“F-Fuck, yer so tight, I love it,” he grits, reaching over to grab hold of your chest like Kita wanted to do so badly. “So wet for me, for your King. Ya love getting fucked in front of him, practically beggin’ me for weeks.”

Kit almost feels as if he shouldn’t be hearing this conversation, but such crude words make him fist his cock faster, wet with precum and helping him ease the friction of hand to dick.

“A-Atsumu, I-”

“Don’t lie,” he laughs. He pinches your nippple roughly, and earns himself a gasp. “Every time ya called me yer sweet King, you were thinkin’ ‘bout him, too. Weren’t ya?”

You can say nothing, only look at your ruler with unbridled lust in your eyes. It’s getting harder to breathe now as he pumps his dick in time with his friend’s thrusts, entranced by the look on your face and Atsumu’s voice.

“Thought s-so,” Atsumu stutters when he rubs at your clit and you squeez hard. “Well, I’d do anythin’ for ya. Guess that includes fuckin’ ya silly in front of your King.”

Atsumu tsk’s and lifts your torso up so Kita can have the best seat in the house. Eyes stay glued to where they are connected, pistoning in and out of your walls and glistening with your slick. It brings forth images of wanting to get closer, let his tongue feel the both of them at once but it's so outlandish that it brings heat to his cheeks and pushes him closer to his release, chest heaving with exertion as everyone in the room reaches a crescendo like a symphony of sex.

That is until Atsumu stops abruptly, and it's so sudden and odd when the sounds of skin slapping cease that it causes everyone to lose their high, cooling down with irritation and impatience.

Atsumu's chest heaves air with great effort, yet his eyes are sharp as he regards his King.

"I think," he starts, easing out of his wife slowly, making you whine at the loss. "King Kita is lookin' a lil lonely. And it's our duty as his advisors and subjects to serve the King, right my love?"

You blink in surprise, when a smile curls at the corner of your lips, one that you definitely learned from your husband. Affection blooms on Atsumu's face at your reaction.

"We should give him a hand," the blonde declares, and suddenly he's carrying his wife over to the royal bed, laying you down gently against the rich, maroon satins and silks, hair splayed around you in rivulets like water. With equal parts curiosity and hesitation lacing his limbs, he moves further up the bed at Atsumu's insistence, coming face to face with you as you smiled kindly at him, lidded eyes and bottom lip plump from where you bite it.

He gives you one in return, one of the rare, genuine smiles he reserves for when he's with his closest and when he's happy. The sound of a throat clearing snaps his attention back to where Atsumu kneels at the end of the bed, cock bouncing against his lower stomach with every shift on the featherbed.

"Does my King allow us to do as we please with him?"

It's almost embarrassing how quickly he says yes, aching to feel the touch of something other than his own hand for once. Atsumu smirks.

“Wonderful.”

Moving closer, all three find themselves huddled in a circle of sorts, with two sets of eyes hungrily staring at him. Atsumu looks at his wife, and she stares right back. It becomes apparent to Kita then and there, that there is no imbalance between them. Though you may fold your hands when appropriate and open your mouth when addressed in broad daylight, though Atsumu’s words and hands guide you behind closed doors and you part your legs for him like a blossoming flower, they are, without a doubt, equals in every sense of the word. Atsumu gazes at you with such adoration it would give the poets something to sing about for centuries to come, and he is certain that if you were to give an order, Atsumu would bend and do it for you, no questions asked.

It’s funny - the Master of War and the Master of Prosperity; two things that could never work hand in hand, but ultimately make for a wonderful pair.

And it makes Kita’s heart yearn for even a drop, an ounce of what they share, for someone to look at him the way they do each other.

“Maybe I should give you some tips on how to go about it, my sweet,” Atsumu says, and it’s all the warning Kita gets before a large, rough hand wraps itself around his member. He jerks at the feeling, eyes wide at the blonde smirking before him, and he looks frantically at the Lady beside him who offers nothing more than a demure upturn of her lips.

“What are you doing?” demands Kita, but the words end in a choke when Atsumu’s thumb swipes over the head of his cock.

“I’m showin’ my wife how to please ya.”

“I-I think she w-would..” Kita has to stop talking to emit a whimper when Atsumu’s hand squeezes his dick. He swallows hard. “I think she would know how to please a man by now.”

“Hmm, yer right. She sure does know how to get me going, but…”

He removes his hand from Kita’s shaft for a brief moment to lift his wife’s leg, dragging a hand through your thighs and bringing it back to Kita’s erection, now slick with his wife’s juices and providing smoother friction.

“No harm in remindin’ her of the lessons. Watch carefully, love.”

It moves expertly up and down his length, knowing when to twist and squeeze, when to go fast and slow. Kita’s hips jerk up into Atsumu’s hand, unable to help the sighs and moans flying out from his chest. It feels good, so so so good, and a softer, more feminine pair of hands scrape gently over his chest, toying with his pert nipples and sending sparks straight down to his groin.

“He seems to like that,” you whisper, pressing your lips to the pulse in his neck. Kita is positive it must be ready to burst from his skin right now, yet still you suck and nip and paint his skin in the most delicate hues while your husband’s hand increases in speed. His other hand reaches down to fondle Kita’s balls, heavy and begging for release. Whines and whimpers grow louder as he approaches that sweet edge.

Atsumu hums. “He’s got a pretty cock, doesn’t he, my love? I bet you’re just drippin’ thinkin’ ‘bout it inside ya. Hungry for another man's dick.”

You shiver from your spot beside Kita, a hand scratching at his scalp and sending tingles down his spine, and a pink tongue poking out to lick at his nipples.

“P-Please…” Kita begs.

“Well, ’m hungry myself,” Atsumu continues, and swiftly dips down to take the head of Kita’s cock into his mouth, sucking hard while his hand never ceases its upwards and downwards motion. It's wet and hot, and the swirling of Atsumu's tongue around his tip, lapping up the precum that had gathered is enough to make Kita moan aloud in surprise and pleasure. His face glowing red as he desperately thrusts into Atsumu's mouth but his brain is too clouded with lust to feel embarrassed at this moment.

His fingers grip onto rich bed sheets as he loses himself in the heat of Atsumu’s mouth, that mischievous tongue of his being put to good use and stroking the vein on the underside of his prick before bobbing up and down in time with his hand. It’s almost overwhelming, feeling tongues on different parts of his body but it feels glorious, to have these mouths worship and love him like he craves but never says aloud.

It feels like Atsumu’s mouth is barely on him for a moment before Kita is grasping onto the nearest things he could latch onto, Atsumu’s head of hair and your hand conveniently already in his, and he holds onto both for dear life as he cums with a loud and long groan, releasing into his friends mouth with surprise and twitching with the aftershocks when Atsumu keeps him in his mouth for a tad too long.

“T-Too much, please,” he stutters, and Atsumu takes pity on him for the time being, laughing at how wild and unkempt his King looks right now.

“I guess you’ll have to test out yer skills next time. Come here,” hands reach for his Lady’s face, and he lets drops of Kita’s cum still in his mouth fall into your own open and awaiting jaws, sealing it with a kiss that’s all tongue and wildness. The perverse sight of them sharing his fluids makes his cock twitch to life again with alarming speed, but it’s also the words echoing in his ears that stick with him.

Next time. Implying that this won’t be a once off thing, a strange night to remember for years to come.

It makes him hard in seconds, even after spilling his seed in his friend's mouth.

If the couple beside him are surprised at his recovery time, only Lady Miya shows it with a raise of your eyebrows in pleasant surprise.

“Do you wish for more, my King?” you ask, traces of his load shining on the corners of your lips. He stops himself from reaching over to lick it off.

“Yes,” Kita sighs, and his chest seems to deflate with the motion, his words needy and wanting. “Please - keep going.”

“What do you want? Anything for you,” your hand cups his face with such gentleness he could cry. How sad it must be, for the simple touch of a person could be enough to shake him.

“I n-need you, I want you on top of me-” he has to stop himself with a sharp intake of breath. Eyes wide with fear look over to where Atsumu sits, a uncharacteristically stoic look on his face that makes Kita’s anxiety flare up. After a moment of silent contemplation, he opens his mouth.

“Does my King command it?”

It offers Kita a moment to rethink his words, to retrace his steps before they were taken. And as he looks at the faces of his friends for any signs of discomfort, looks at you for clear rejection, he sees no hesitation or resistance in either of their expressions. Only eagerness, anticipation for what could come. It strengthens his resolve.

“He does,” Kita says, with the air and grace of the King in power he is. And Atsumu grins like that cat who got the cream.

“Perfect,” he sings. “Lay back, yer Grace. Let us do everythin’ for ya.”

Doing as told, Kita finds himself a comfortable spot against the pillows and cushions, cock resting hard on his belly and watching as Atsumu coaxes his wife to straddle his hips. Hands fly instinctively to the squishy flesh of your hips and thighs, smooth like satin, and his grip on you only grows tighter once he feels just how wet you are, practically dripping onto his lower abdomen. It drives him mad with excitement, knowing he’s seconds away from shoving himself into your tight hole.

“Go on,” Atsumu encourages when you look back at him in question. “I’ll help ya when ya need me.”

Biting your lip, you peer down at Kita.

“I’m ready,” he assures you with a squeeze of your hips. You reach down to grab his member and he hisses when you pump him a few times, dragging it up and down your soaked folds. He worries his bottom lip at the sensation, and just when he gets used to it you line him up with your entrance and begin to sink down on him, ever so slowly.

He loses the ability to breathe when your warm heat engulfs him. His eyelids flutter, his toes curl, and they haven’t even gotten to the best part yet. Atsumu hums in approval when you finally sink down, hips flush with Kita’s, sighing in unison. You can’t help the grinding of your hips, trying to accommodate his size and girth, but it makes him growl and still your hips. “Give me a second,” he pleads. And you do, leaning down to give him his first kiss of the night. He can taste himself on your tongue, taste Atsumu along with him, and your tongues tentatively brush and move against each other as you grow accustomed to the feeling of your lips on the others.

He catches his breath when you pull away, blinking out of a stupor, and it seems as though Atsumu has had enough with waiting, for he clears his throat loudly. “Ready to get started?” They both nod. “Good.”

With that said, Atsumu holds on tightly to your hips, hands over Kita’s that stay locked on your flesh, and begins to slowly lift you off of his cock, only to push right back down. Kita groans at the fluttering of your gummy walls around him, head thrown against the pillows while Atsumu increases the speed and pace with which he picks his wife's body up, getting you into a mindblowing rhythm and bouncing you on Kita’s member.

Atsumu certainly dictates the speed and rhythm right now, and the coil in Kita’s gut begins to make a reappearance with every clench of your pussy around him. You’re both at the mercy of Atsumu, who alternates between stealing the air from Kita’s lungs with bringing your hips down hard and fast, or slowly and maddeningly gyrating your hips so that Kita presses against every spot inside of you, massaging that sweet, spongy flesh hidden deep inside that has you gasping out a strange mix of their names and clawing onto Kita’s chest for stability.

“That feel good?” Atsumu asks. He’s met with a chorus of moans and whines from his Lady and his King, but he isn’t satisfied with that. “I said, does that feel good?”

“Y-Yes, my Lord!” You gasp, and are rewarded with kisses and nips to your neck by your husband. Dark eyes peer at Kita over your shoulder, demanding an answer from him as well.

“Yes,” the white haired man grunts. “F-Feels so fuck- fucking good.”

“My, my! Our King has a naughty mouth. My sweet, how does his cock feel?”

Your moans are light and breathless when Atsumu rocks your hips back and forth. Your juices stain Kita’s abdomen, and he’s tempted to reach out and swipe some up on his finger to lick. “He feels so big! So so so big, it’s too much, it’s- oh!”

Kita is almost as surprised as you are when Atsumu guides his King’s hand to your swollen folds, showing him how to rub at your clit with practiced motions. You careen in response, hips moving erratically and crying about how good it feels.

“Tell him, not me,” Atsumu laughs.

“Oh, my King, my sweet King, you feel amazing. I love your cock so much, stuffin’ me full, I can’t take it, I love it I love it I love it!”

Your praise, your words, the heat of your cunt; it all goes straight to his head and his heart, and the coil in his gut tightens dangerously, ready to burst his seed into you and fill you up, but Atsumu has your plans before he can reach his peak.

Atsumu lifts your hips up one final time, but doesn't bring them back down. The disappointment in the room is immeasurable, denied a high once more when they were just so close to falling off the edge. Lady Miya whines loudly and impatiently, having been denied her orgasm twice now.

"I know, baby, I know," Atsumu coos, pets your hair and soothes the furrow of your brows. "But I was gettin' a lil lonely over here. I wanna join in."

Your eyes light up in question, staring at him questioningly and obeying when he orders you to bend over. Chest to chest with Kita, the King cradles you closely, brushes loose strands of hair out of your eyes, and allows himself a simple peck to your lips, one that you return with two of your own.

But you jump in shock when Atsumu spreads your cheeks apart and spits loudly onto your rear.

"Atsumu! You...you mean to-"

"Shh. You trust me, don't ya?"

"Always," she answers without hesitation, and the smile he gives you is warm and full of love.

"Then just wait," he rubs a finger over your puckered hole, spreading the spit and watching in fascination how it responds to his touches. He loves your cunt like a drunk loves his wine, but your ass is just as addictive. Really, any part of you is more than enough for him.

You bite your lip when a finger dips in, struggling to accommodate the invasive digit. Kita distracts you with more kisses, hands on your breasts, pulling at your hardened nipples and drinking in your moans like he's breathing in the fresh air of the morning.

"You are so beautiful," he whispers in your ear, watching over your shoulder as Atsumu adds a second finger, pumps them in and out so carefully. The blonde reaches around to lightly toy with your clit - not enough to make you cum, but enough to make you relax and less restrictive. "He's lucky to have married ya."

"Shinsuke," she sighs into his own ears, and it sends shivers down his spine. It's very rare people can address him as Kita without his title, let alone his first name, but it sounds so beautiful coming from the lips of his friends.

"Yer doin' so well," Atsumu praises, free hand massaging the globe of your ass cheek once Kita’s clumsy fingers take over the role of rubbing your nub. "Stretchin' ya out real good. You want both of our cocks, don't ya?"

"I do, I want them so bad-"

"Think you can handle us?"

"Yes, please! God, Tsumu, I wanna be stuffed with both of your cocks-"

"Damn, you get loud when yer needy." Atsumu drags his erection through the folds of your pussy, gathering as much of your juices to coat his dick once again before he lines it up with your back entrance. "We'll take things nice and slow."

It seems as if Atsumu is reassuring more than just his wife with that statement, and Kita is grateful for it.

You bite down on the skin of his shoulder when Atsumu removes his fingers and presses the tip of his dick at your hole. You’re clenching hard and gasping at the stretch, and Kita works with Atsumu to soothe your cries and kiss away your tears.

He kisses your lips when you give a harsh wail as Atsumu presses in further, not even halfway in yet but groaning at how tight it feels. He spits once again where you're both connected while you twitch and sigh as Kita's fingers return to your swollen bud.

"Yer doing amazing, such a good girl," Kita peppers your cheeks with light kisses, and with one last thrust Atsumu is fully seated with his cock in your ass, glassy eyed and chest heaving with tension as he gives the pair of you a moment to adjust.

He bends over to lick and kiss a line up your spine. "Your turn Shinsuke." Kita stalls, wondering for a moment if you really are ready to take them both at once, but Atsumu mistakes his silence for hesitation. "Need help with that?"

Lord Miya reaches down to gently guide Kita towards your sopping hole, and he sucks in a breath as your hips lower agonisingly slow to sink down on him until both of their members are filling you to the brim.

You're a panting and whining mess atop of him, fighting to catch your breath whilst Kita fights to make sense of what he's feeling right now. He can nearly feel Atsumu press against him through a thin layer inside of your pussy, every budge of his hips making his chest tighten at the friction.

"Tell us when to move," your husband says. After a moment of getting used to the stretch with little twitches of your hips, you nod frantically.

"I'm OK, you can move."

"I'll let Kita do the honours," Atsumu smirks.

Lifting his legs higher up the bed for leverage, Kita gives an experimental thrust into your core. It feels so good when you clamp down with a whimper, and so he does it again, and again, until he's set a slow but steady rhythm and enjoys the look of pleasure on your face, the way you bite your bottom lip to keep from moaning too loud but failing miserably.

Gradually becoming more comfortable and succumbing to pleasure, Atsumu begins to move gently, pulling out slowly and pressing back in, so as not to disrupt Kita’s flow but your reaction is immediate, a sharp gasp and a whine for more, arching your back and trying to reach behind to your husband. He leans over to allow you to thread fingers through his hair, and begins to grind faster into you, trying to match Kita’s pace and intensity.

“S-Shit, yer so tight, yer... fuck-” he curses and stutters his hips. “God I love ya- I love ya so much.”

“Please, g-give me m-more!”

“My pretty little slut,” he coos, and you sob into Kita’s chest. “So- fuck, so fuckin’ greedy. You wanna get fucked hard?”

“Gods, yes! I want to be full of your cum, please please please-”

“S-Shit,” he swears, and Kita watches as the careful, calculated look Atsumu kept in his eyes all night suddenly turns wild, frenzied, just about ready to tear you apart like you desired. “You asked for it, pretty girl.” He gives Kita a look. “Ready?”

The King nods. “Ready.”

The blondes' lips curl up at the edges, and you’re only given a moment before both sets of cocks begin ramming into you with such great force that it has you falling on top of Kita, where he wraps his arms around your frame to keep you steady. Words turn into coherent babbles and cries as they piston in and out of you in near perfect unison, and it’s the friction Kita so desperately craved as your wet walls and Atsumu’s shaft rub him so deliciously that his orgasm rears it head once more, building so perfectly and steadily that he feels like he’s reaching Cloud Nine.

Kita unwinds one of his arms from around your waist to reach Atsumu’s ass to give the flesh an affectionate squeeze, causing him to meet Kita’s eyes over your head. Atsumu leans down to capture Kita’s lips in a sloppy kiss, one that’s more tongue and spit and passion than anything else, and the King barely has any second to catch air when he pulls away before your tongue prods at his lips, lips that he opens willingly like heavenly gates. And when Atsumu joins in again, and he feels two messy sets of tongues invade his mouth, one rough and demanding, the other soft and sweet, he can do nothing more than let out a whine and try to keep up with the wonderful sensations taking hold of his body.

He’s given some reprieve when Atsumu pulls back to sit up, grasping at your hips and fucking into you so fast you’re stupefied, mouth hanging open and drooling on Kita’s chest. He doesn’t mind - rather, he doesn’t really notice, too busy focusing on your bouncing tits in front of his eyes, on the occasional brush of Atsumu’s sack on his skin, and the rising coil in his gut, ready to snap at any moment.

Hips jump erratically off the bed when Atsumu rubs at your clit hard and fast, nearly crushing Kita’s cock from how tightly you squeeze the both of them as your husband brings you to your mind shattering end.

“I’m cumming! I’m- I-”

It’s all you’re able to say as your peak washes over you in waves of heat, and he feels your juices gush out on top of his skin as you do so. Fuck, he’s nearly there, so close, just a bit more-

“I’m c-close, I’m so close-” Kita stutters.

“Cum for me,” Atsumu growls, pounding into your ass with abandon while you fall onto Kita’s torso, arms wrapped around his neck and sobbing so pitifully in his ear. “Cum for us, Shinsuke.”

It’s the push he needed. He’s shooting his seed into your core with a strangled shout, pumping load after load right into you while Atsumu follows, unloading into your ass with a curse and a moan of your name, going balls deep and spilling all that he has while your walls milk them for all that they have.

Atsumu collapses on top of both of you with a tired sigh, and while Kita’s body protests at the added weight, his mouth can’t quite catch up with his brain at the moment, so he simply lays there as the heat of the room falls over all of you like a blanket.

Both cocks begin to soften inside of you. Ever so gently, they pull out, seed escaping your holes and dripping slowly onto the sheets as you whine at the loss and clench around nothing, feeling so terribly empty and almost wishing they had stayed inside of you. But it gives you an opportunity to rest, and Atsumu flips you on your side until he’s laying you down on the bed, littering kisses all over your body and singing praises about how well you did for them, how much of a good girl you are.

You smile sleepily, exhaustion overtaking your limbs, and Kita can only cup your face and rub his thumbs on your cheekbones, uncertain if kissing you would be crossing a line now that the deed has been done. You arch into his touch while Atsumu leaves to get a cloth.

“Was that ok for you, my King?”

Ah. Of course you would put him above yourself. He smiles warmly at that.

“That was wonderful. You were perfect,” he answers honestly, and you practically glow with pride at his words. When Atsumu returns, Kita takes the cloth, opting to be the one to clean the mess between your legs. It’s the least he could do after all that they’ve done for him.

It grows silent once he finishes, looking over to see Atsumu holding you close from behind. Your eyelids are drooping and your eyes grow hazy with every kiss and rub Atsumu gives to you, yet when Kita is about to excuse himself, to find solitude in a bath and let the married couple have his bedchambers for the night, you reach out to him, wanting to hold him, his face, to bring it close to you and trap him for the night.

“Are you sure it’s alright for me to…” he trails off with uncertainty. Atsumu snorts, offering him a kind and warm smile.

“The Lady always gets what she wants,” he jokes, and Kita lets out a fond laugh. “Besides - yer the King.”

“I don’t want to overstay my welcome,” he replies. And he means it. But his heart begs for the opposite, for you to not let him go and let him rest his head on your heart.

It seems as though you hear his thoughts.

“I want you to stay,” you murmur, sleepy but resolute in your words. “Do you want to stay?”

His eyes flicker back and forth between husband and wife. He could leave. He could end things right here, pretend like tonight never happened and go on existing as King like he always has. Things would become too complicated if he stayed. He knows this. And yet…

“I do,” he whispers, and curls into the warmth of your chest while Atsumu rubs at his hair with a fondness not common in him. Kita feels, for once in his life, at home. No castle too big and warm can ever compare to this. “I do want to stay.”

“Well then,” Atsumu says warmly, while you finish his sentence.

“Stay.”

[thebiscuiteternal]

“Paper Scraps”

Post-Canon, Angst, Hurt/Comfort...ish?, Reconciliation, Discussion of Suicidal Ideation, Ghosts, Implied Sangyu, Mo Xuanyu Gets To Be Mourned, Wei Wuxian and Nie Huaisang Are Going Through It

Series Link on Ao3

__________

"To what do I owe the surprise visit?'' Nie Huaisang asks, and his voice is so devoid of emotion that Wei Wuxian has to bite back a shudder, suddenly very much aware that he is treading in completely new and potentially dangerous territory.

Nie-xiong is as dead as his beloved elder brother, and the Headshaker was nothing more than a mask. All that's left now is Nie-zongzhu, whom he knows nothing about and threatened the last time they actually spoke to each other in person.

Still, he sucks up his nerve and plasters on one of his usual careless smiles. "We need to talk, you and I. Just you and I."

"Wei Ying-"

He holds up a hand to cut off Lan Zhan's protest. "How about it?"

"And what, exactly, do you think there is for us to discuss, Wei-xiansheng? Have I not been behaving well enough for your liking?"

Ouch.

"Okay, I deserved that," Wei Wuxian says as he waves off his defensive husband and friend a second time, suddenly wishing he'd just snuck out and come alone.

Then again, that probably wouldn't have gone well either, judging by the wary looks he keeps getting from the handful of Nie disciples who linger defensively near their sect leader.

Okay... okay. No more trying to joke around. He takes a deep breath and lets it out, then straightens his back. "I'm here about Mo Xuanyu."

Nie Huaisang’s face betrays nothing, but the fan in his hand snaps shut with enough force that it's audible throughout the room. “Everyone, please escort our other two guests to the main gardens so that we may speak privately.”

“Zongzhu-” one massive bear of a man starts to protest.

At the same time Lan Zhan moves in front of Wei Wuxian to growl “We are not going anywhere,” and the tension in the room ratchets sharply to hair-on-end levels as the situation threatens to turn into a standoff.

Wei Wuxian pinches the bridge of his nose to stave off a building headache, then reaches out in an attempt to tug his husband back. “Lan Zhan. I’m the one who requested a one-on-one meeting, remember? Literally just now?”

“He cannot be truste-”

“Wei-gongzi, he might-”

“Enough,” Nie Huaisang snaps, the unexpected whip-crack of his voice making them all, a few disciples included, jump. “Let me remind all three of you that you came here and none of you are required to stay. In fact, today would be much improved if you didn’t.”

“Lan Zhan.” Wei Wuxian hisses.

Lan Zhan doesn’t budge, hand still tight on the hilt of Bichen. “If you harm Wei Ying-”

“Yes, yes, you and the Ghost General will cut me open and hang me with my own entrails just to start with,” Nie Huaisang replies irritably, giving a dismissive wave of the closed fan. “I’m well aware.”

Judging by the startled and utterly appalled looks that cross Lan Zhan and Wen Ning’s faces, that had decidedly not been on the list of options of what they might potentially do. But the descriptive suggestion does work to knock them off guard, and Wei Wuxian bites his tongue hard to keep his expression neutral as the two of them are herded out without any more fuss after Nie Huaisang makes a short gesture to his disciples. “You did that on purpose.”

Nie Huaisang turns without responding to the jibe at all and walks off towards another door.

Ouch again.

He trots after the other man and falls into step beside him as they enter a hallway that’s clearly not for public use. Part of him wants to ask where they’re going, if just to break the uncomfortable silence, but he keeps his mouth shut.

They finally stop at a door that, when Nie Huaisang slides it open, leads to a tiny garden so deep in the sect's keep that the back wall of it is cut into the mountain itself.

And in that little carved out cave, shielded from wind and rain and snow, sits a funeral tablet on a table shrine.

Wei Wuxian involuntarily sucks a sharp breath through his teeth at the sight of it, his hand coming up to clutch at his chest. Guilt wells up hot and stinging and bitter in his stomach, then higher into his throat. Dizzy, he sways on his feet and is only vaguely aware of the hands that catch him.

Once his resurrection had been revealed, everyone simply accepted him as “Wei Wuxian”, not “Wei-Wuxian-In-Mo-Xuanyu’s-Body”, seemingly having just... forgotten that the face he has now once belonged to someone else. He had grown so settled into this body that until the dreams had begun, he had barely given Mo Xuanyu a second thought.

But right at this moment, staring at the name carved into that tablet, held up by the one person left who had remembered- had loved the original owner of this body enough to memorialize him, he has never felt more like an invader in it.

His vision, gone fuzzy from the sickening torrent of emotion, slowly begins to come back into focus and, for just a moment, he is staring through Mo Xuanyu’s eyes into the worried expression of Nie-xiong before the lingering memory clears to the more neutral face of Nie-zongzhu.

He is on the ground, his head in the man’s lap, and the sudden urge to cry hits him hard. “Do you hate me?” he asks without meaning to, voice coming out plaintive and half-strangled by his effort to hold back the tears.

“You were the one who decided there was nothing left between us worth salvaging.”

“I did. And it was stupid. But that’s not what I mean, and you know it. Do you hate me for having this face?”

There is a pause, then a quiet sigh. “No, I don’t.”

“Why?”

“If it wasn’t you, it would be someone else. Or something else. Yu-er was…”

Nie Huaisang turns his head away, expression softening into a complicated mix sadness and pain, and Wei Wuxian finds himself thinking that while ‘his’ Nie-xiong might be dead, Mo Xuanyu’s Nie-xiong might still exist somewhere deep under the protective layers of Nie-zongzhu.

He swallows hard, then makes himself sit up and looks again at the tablet and its small offerings.

“Determined,” he says quietly, finishing the sentence. A tiny wet laugh bubbles out of his throat. “I thought… I really did believe that you had forced him into it,” he continues, and in the edge of his vision, he sees Nie Huaisang flinch at the accusation. “But no. No. He... really was determined to see it out to the end.”

“How do you-”

“Ah.” He scratches his cheek, then scoots to face the other man. “That’s actually the reason I needed to talk to you. I’ve been seeing- fuck, dreaming his memories, I guess… though they were more like nightmares, considering what was in them-”

“Wait,” Nie Huaisang says, holding up a hand. “When did this start?”

“Mmh. Just a little over ten months ago, I think? Or maybe closer to eleven. The first one was of your visit right after his mother died.”

Nie Huaisang goes slightly pale at that, though whether it’s from the admission of the length of time or the contents of the memory, Wei Wuxian can’t tell.

He gets an answer when Nie Huaisang gets up and rushes to the table, returning with something carefully cradled in his hands.

It’s a spirit pouch.

His hands are shaking as he holds them out to accept the tiny burden, and he’s vaguely aware that he’s gaping like a fish. “Huaisang…” he chokes out when he finally manages to find his voice again, but that’s as far as he gets.

“I… have studied a lot of ways of finding and contacting the dead,” Nie Huaisang says, and Wei Wuxian nods along numbly because that makes a ridiculous amount of sense, given the circumstances. “I know what the ritual notes said, but seeing that there was still something left of Da-ge after everything that had been done to him…”

He reaches out and touches the pouch and Wei Wuxian finds himself thinking of a gentle hand ruffling his (but not his) hair.

“I’m just sorry it took me two years to get up the nerve to go looking.”

But you went, Wei Wuxian thinks. You went.

He’d never even considered it. It had never crossed his mind at all.

“Eleven months ago, right?” he asks, voice still a little squeaky.

“Mm-hmm. I should have written to you about this long before now, but it seemed like every time I’d prepared myself to send the letter, something would happen that would remind me that… well.”

That we’re not friends anymore.

That you want nothing to do with me.

Wei Wuxian closes his eyes and rests his hands in his lap, still holding the pouch as if it’s made of porcelain instead of cloth. “I probably wouldn’t have read it,” he confesses quietly. “Or I would have, but I wouldn’t have believed you. I would have thought it was a ruse, a setup-” A tiny, wounded laugh escapes his mouth and he tilts his head back to stare up at the sky. “Maybe that’s why I started having the dreams. His way of telling me I’m an idiot.”

“A little drastic on his part if it was.”

“Can’t say it wasn’t necessary.” The pouch gives a jangling, discordant little hum when he pets it, the fracturing of the soul within vastly different from what he’d felt from Xiao Xingchen. The pieces feel smaller and fewer, yet heavier. “Oh,” he murmurs when he realizes why.

“Oh?”

“The array was designed to consume the resentment of the caster based on negative memories of the person or persons they wanted to curse. That’s why the memories of you and the flashes of his mother were so vivid when the rest of them weren’t. That’s why you were able to find these pieces. He really did see you two as the only bright spots in his life, so those memories were spared.”

Nie Huaisang makes a choked noise in the back of his throat, and when Wei Wuxian turns his head, the other man is looking away in a clear attempt to hide his expression. “He was wrong.”

“A year ago, I would have agreed,” Wei Wuxian mumbles. “After everything he showed me, though… I don’t think he was. I get it.”

He takes a deep breath. He has never talked about this, not with Lan Zhan, not with Wen Ning, and certainly not with Jiang Cheng, even if they are taking tentative baby steps towards being less awkward around each other. He’s not sure he should be talking about it with Nie Huaisang either, but-

“I know what it’s like, just wanting everything to end. Deciding the whole world can go to hell. Maybe I didn’t intend for the backlash from breaking the seal to kill me, but I sure didn’t fucking care what it would do to me one way or another. Nothing and nobody could have saved me by that point. You couldn’t have saved him even if you’d dragged him home with you like Lan Zhan wanted to do to me.”

“Wei Wuxian-”

He ignores the little flutter in his chest that they’ve at least moved back to an address that feels less precarious than the icy ‘Wei-xiansheng’. “Let me finish, okay?”

“Okay.”

“So... So... Ah, fuck,” he mutters, gently shifting the pouch so he can scratch the back of his neck, trying to catch the lost trail of thought. “You know… I never questioned the clothing I woke up in when I was resurrected. As brutal and nasty as the Mo family were and as disgusting as that little shack was, it should have come off as weird that I was wearing such nice robes.”

There is a quiet sniffle, and Wei Wuxian pretends not to see Nie Huaisang wipe wet eyes with the edge of a sleeve as he continues talking. “He appreciated those. Appreciated that you tried to take care of him.”

He raises the pouch to eye level, and it gives another little crackly hum. “And clearly he still appreciates your efforts, considering his method of dragging me here to make me apologize for thinking the worst of your relationship. So, I’m sorry for that.”

Nie Huaisang gives a watery little chuckle and swipes at his eyes again. “Accepted. Is he… Is he alright? I only know how to contact souls, I don’t know anything about tending to them.”

“Honestly… I’m not sure what can be done,” Wei Wuxian admits as he begins another examination. “There’s really so little of him left, I don’t know what will happen if a purification ritual is attempted. He seems to be more stable as he is than Xiao Xingchen was, but there’s no guarantee he’ll stay like that. Still, I owe it to him to find some way to help him out, so I’ll do what I can.”

“If it would be easier for you to take him back to the Cloud Recesses for study, then… then you should,” Nie Huaisang says, and Wei Wuxian is a little bit impressed that he was able to make the offer despite how much it must have hurt.

“I think he’d be much happier staying here,” he says, then tentatively adds, “But that would mean visits, plural, and while I’m definitely going to have a very long talk with them about all this, I doubt I’ll be able to come without either Lan Zhan or Wen Ning… probably both at first.”

Nie Huaisang rubs his temples with his fingertips, his expression cycling through a complicated series of emotions too quickly for Wei Wuxian to follow, then he sighs. “We’ll figure something out,” he says as he reaches out and takes back the pouch.

Wei Wuxian can’t help smiling at the tender way he cradles it against his chest as he gets up to approach the funeral tablet and put it back in place. “Yeah. We’ll figure something out.”

[wtfjd95]

Together As One

A/N:

Hey, long time no fic right?

Sorry I haven’t posted anything of my own in a while been kinda deep in writers block and anything I have tried to write has never worked out but here is something new from me.

Please go easy on me as 1. I have never written in anything other than the first person perspective and 2. I have never written anything that leads towards angst.

Thank you to @imnotasuperhero for helping me name and edit this thing. I don’t know how I’d function without you. 😂

“Good morning Котенок (kitten).” Wanda smiled as you shuffled tiredly into the kitchen.

Through your slightly blurry vision, you could just make out her figure by the counter, one of your oversized t-shirts, a pair of jean shorts and some socks was all she wore with her hair draped over her shoulder. A mixing bowl hovered next to her, full of you guessed to be pancake mix (your weekend treat) as the soft sound of James Arthur’s Maybe floated through the room.

“Good morning malyshka (baby girl),” you yawned, wrapping your arms around her waist, looking over her shoulder at the small touchscreen that was built into the wall. Bright white numbers reading 6:30 am stared back at you.

“Your pronunciation is getting better.” She noted pressing a quick kiss to your head. “But why are you up darling?”

“Better question is, why are you up at 6:30 on a Saturday?” You mumbled into her neck. “But to answer yours, the bed felt cold without you.”

“I wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed,” was her answer as she turned in your embrace, her arms encircling your neck.

“But Wands,” you whined. “It’s Saturday. We were meant to wake up late, I was supposed to wake you up with kisses and just spend the day in bed together.”

“Oh, were we?” She wondered, raising an eyebrow and you nodded in response.

Carefully, she tangled her fingers into your hair and began playing with the baby hairs at the base of your neck, moving to lay her head against your chest as you both began swaying to the music.

“Vykhodi za menya? (Marry me?)” You whispered into the silence. Wanda’s head shot up in surprise, the mixing bowl that floated above the counter falling with a clang & splash as the mix inside spilled out but neither of you cared.

“Did you just….?” She stuttered. Beautiful green eyes, glistening with tears ready to fall, locking with your (e/c) ones. “Who taught you that?”

“I had some help from Nat.” You admitted, reaching up to wipe away the tears that had escaped. “Hey, don’t cry hun.”

“I’m trying not to.” She whispered, reaching up to place her hands over your own.

“So, what’d you say?” You asked, nervousness settling in the pit of your stomach at the thought of her possibly telling you no. “You wanna spend the rest of your life with me?”

“Yes.” She said so softly that if you hadn’t been looking directly at her you would’ve missed it.

“Yes?” You checked, hoping you hadn’t heard her wrong.

Her response was to crash her lips against yours. “Yes, I’ll marry you.” She spoke against your lips. “A thousand times yes, dorogaya (darling)”

Pulling away from the kiss with a laugh of happiness, you wrapped your arms around her waist and lifted her into the air. Her legs wrapped around your waist as she let out a girlish squeal of surprise before you sat her on the island counter, immediately connecting your lips to her neck.

“Sweetheart, we really should clean up the mess.” She said, attempting to be responsible only to let out a moan when you hit her sensitive spot.

“We’ll clean it up later.” You husked, lips never leaving her neck. “Right now, I wanna take my fiance back to bed.”

Hours later

Collapsing back against the mattress with a content sigh, you pulled Wanda against you. Her head falling against your bare chest, fingers beginning to draw patterns on your abdomen, the fancy new ring on her finger catching the light just right, causing a happy smile to appear on your face as you linked hands with her.

“Ya lyublyu tebya tak sil'no (I love you so much)” You panted, trying to catch your breath. “But it’s time you woke up hun.”

“What? Y/N,” Wanda said, confusion suddenly lacing her voice “I am awake sweetheart.”

“I’m always with you, love, remember that.” You told her just before you faded from her view.

“Wanda? Wake up.” A new voice suddenly echoed as Wanda looked around the room. “Wanda, come on. We’re here.”

Opening her eyes, Wanda found herself seated on the Quinjet, Natasha & Clint stood in front of her, worry evident on the older redhead’s face.

“You ok?” Natasha asked. “Another dream?”

“More of a memory,” Wanda nodded in response, her hand reaching up to the chain around her neck which held your engagement ring.

“We’ll get her back, Wanda.” Clint spoke as the young Sokovian began to run her fingers over the ring that matched the one on her hand. “We’ll get her back.”

[beatrice000001]

Writing this as my first and last post here

Stop generalizing on people just because a minority criticizes you fav.

This is YONA’s story and it follows her journey so reading it without liking her is pointless,but it doesn’t mean we are not allowed to like other characters more.

I’ve never seen a heroine as loved as Yona. She’s praised all the times by everyone. The author loves her dearly and is always careful enough to focus on her without wasting time on others like she said in an interview in 2019, link below if you want to read it. It’s in Japanese though.

We all love her even if not in the same way (some stan her, others just like her) and we all wish for her to be happy forever *still crying like a baby for that theory I recently read about her death at the end of the story*

Despite that, her writing is weird right now and to some degree very frustrating, especially because she is so so smart and mature for basically everything except for one aspect : yes, her romance, as soon as hak is around she turns into a teenager but for any other aspect she is a mature woman and I don’t understand why. I personally find it more frustrating than cute at this point of the story

I think everyone is allowed to report this when they review a chapter. We don’t have to worship every action of hers like some want to force us to do. Constructive criticism isn’t wrong and I have reported more than once unnecessary hate but this is not the case. The romance, which used to be in my opinion one of the most beautiful despite some minor flaws, is now underdeveloped and it’s starting to become a bit irritating (kisses and confessions but they still act awkward, it feels like their pre confession era) A lot of people, shippers and not, acknowledge that it hasn’t been properly developed,the difference is that some don’t care about it so don’t talk about it while others who hold it dear are voicing their frustration and it’s totally understandable after all this time.

Also, can you please stop mentioning Hak and Soo won stans in your long public essays? Feels like when we don’t fight each other then others include us in their rants lmao. The behaviors you are reporting come from SOME of them, not everyone. Stop throwing shit on all of us. I don’t want this to become a constant war between trio stans. I know many Yona fans who are annoying af (still traumatized by those who attacked Tohru wishing her death just because she was winning a poll on Twitter lol) but still don’t generalize on all of them because that would be unfair. Some are my friends and I get to have very nice conversations with them. It’s not their fault if some are immature, same goes for us. Loud minority doesn’t mean everyone and I can assure you that in yona’s case it’s really just a minority.

The story wouldn’t be the same without Hak or Soo won and it’s perfectly understandable why some are so attached to them. They are well written characters and add depth to the story. Soo won is affected by a fatal illness and faints all the time, while Hak, who is always injured, is still wishing to sacrifice himself for the others and this is something the author hasn’t shown any interest to explore (at least now, I hope it will be brought up in the future but I doubt it, it’s portrayed as an admirable quality) so yeah, that’s why we “complain” more than you (?) yet I think you should read what we write more carefully, you’ll notice that many points we bring up (speaking of both sides, Hak and Soo won fans) are valid

Sad that their fans have to be called toxic just because of some people. Toxicity comes from all the sides : Yona, Hak, Soo won, Dragons stans, everyone. I think we should learn to respect each other more instead of constantly accusing each other.

[august-anon]

Tickletober Day 1: Interrogation

OH MY GOSH i have been trying to post this for over 30 minutes i hate internet connections i am going to move to the jungle and become tarzan so i never have to deal with this again lol

anyways

I have never written for these characters/this fandom before, but tickletober has always been a time for me to try out new fandoms lol. Also, I barely edited this because 1) I am exhausted and 2) the internet where I have been staying the past couple of days is absolutely abysmal, it took me 15+ minutes just to get ao3 and tumblr to open, so if there are mistakes or it is OOC please be gentle lol

--------

Fandom: Six of Crows

Ship(s): Wesper

Characters (lee/ler): Lee!Jesper/Ler!Wylan

Word Count: 1052 words

Summary: Jesper feels that he hasn't gotten enough attention from Wylan, lately. He has a few ideas on how to rectify that.

[ao3 link]

----------------------------------------

Jesper had been ansty lately. There were no fights to win, no cons to play out, and he wasn’t allowed in the gambling halls under any circumstances. Inej was out at sea, they were still waiting on the next letter from Nina and Matthias, and Jesper was pretty sure that if he showed up at the Slat, Kaz would kick him right back out when he saw how tightly wound and energetic Jesper was.

Wylan, busybody that he now was, running the Van Eck empire and all, didn’t always have the time to entertain Jesper these days. At least, not when Jesper wasn’t already helping him with that, reading him documents and letters and everything in between.

But, Jesper knew how to get Wylan to make time for him.

He snuck into Wylan’s rooms while Wylan was in his office doing who knew what. He shuffled through drawers and shelves until he found what he was looking for: Wylan’s flute. He wasn’t as good at stealing things as Kaz, but in such a low stakes situation it wasn’t like that mattered. The goal was for Wylan to notice, anyway, so the more obvious he made it, the better. For good measure, he left a little note with a smiley face where the flute had been.

Most days, Wylan immediately went to play music after finishing his work. Usually it was the piano, out in the music room where anyone could join him. Jesper, Mrs. Van Eck, Inej, if she was in town. On extremely rare occasions, even Kaz was there sometimes. On particularly stressful days, however, Wylan would choose his flute. He would lock his doors and play it in his room, until he felt calmer, and then he would rejoin the world. Sometimes he would let Jesper join him, sometimes not, but his flute was very important to him.

Which was why it was the best thing for Jesper to steal.

Jesper waited eagerly for Wylan to come looking for him, to indulge him in a little annoyance and teasing. What he didn’t expect was for Wylan to come bursting into Jesper’s rooms, expression stormy, pushing Jesper back against the bed when he tried to rise to meet him.

“Where is it.” It wasn’t a question, it was a demand.

Jesper swallowed. “Where’s what, Wy?”

Wylan scowled deeper. “You know what, Jesper. My flute.”

“I haven’t a clue.” Jesper raised an eyebrow. “Maybe you should be more careful with your possessions, merchling.”

Wylan’s eyes searched Jesper’s face before his features settled into an eerily calm determination. He cracked his knuckles and Jesper shifted nervously on the bed.

“That’s okay,” Wylan said. “I’ve seen you and Nina and Inej. I know how to make you talk.”

Jesper furrowed his brows, but before he could ask what Wylan meant by that, Wylan’s fingers were digging into the dip of his waist. Surprised, Jesper didn’t stand a chance trying to hold back his laughter. It flowed out of him, silly and bubbly and childish in the most embarrassing of ways.

He rolled onto his side and tried to curl up, hoping to protect himself, but Wylan swiftly straddled him the moment he moved. Now, not only was Jesper unable to curl into a ball and protect his weak points, but he also couldn’t roll back over. He was stuck on his side, giving Wylan full access to the other.

“Wait!” Jesper cried. “We can talk about this!”

“You going to tell me where my flute is?” Wylan asked, not stopping tickling in the slightest.

Jesper bit his lip over his laughter, trying his best to muffle it. Stupidly, he shook his head. Sue, him, he was having fun. He had Wylan’s full attention, he was getting some energy out, and Wylan had been brave enough to straddle him. Maybe he should hide Wylan’s stuff more often.

Both of Wylan’s hands focused on Jesper’s exposed side, pinching and squeezing and scratching away. When his hands started crawling up toward Jesper’s ribs, that’s when Jesper started to thrash.

“Wy!” He laughed. “Wy, don’t!”

“Where’s my flute, Jes?” Wylan didn’t sound frustrated anymore. In fact, he sounded like he was barely keeping from giggling himself, his voice all shaky and bubbly.

Jesper hesitated, and Wylan immediately took it as noncompliance. He didn’t have another chance to plead for mercy as Wylan’s hands skittered up to his lower ribs. He scratched at the first two bones and tears sprang to Jesper’s eyes as he howled. He really hoped Wylan’s mom wasn’t home, that she’d gone for a ride around the canals or something, because he would never be able to sit through dinner with her again if she’d heard this.

“Please,” Jesper managed to sutter out through his cackling. “Wylan, please!”

“Will you talk?”

Jesper nodded his head, a few tears escaping from his eyes.

Wylan slowed his fingers, but he didn’t completely stop. His fingers tapped carefully against Jesper’s lower ribs, dancing away like he was playing the piano. Jesper’s body flinched, both from the aftershocks of the brutal attack and from the teasing touch that remained. His giggles had a touch of hysteria to them as he tried to squirm away from Wylan’s fingers.

“Where is it, Jes?”

“Under my pillow,” Jesper giggled out.

Wylan’s fingers stopped. Jesper risked a glance up at him, and he was blinking in confusion.

“Really?” Wyaln asked. “It was that easy?”

Jesper grinned at him, sliding a hand up under his pillows and withdrawing it with the flute in hand. Wylan blinked again, then shook his head with a light laugh.

“Sorry,” he said, still grinning. “Did I not give you enough attention today?”

Jesper tried to pout at him, but it wasn’t particularly effective with the afterglow from the tickle attack. Wylan reached up to cup his face, laughing again.

“I’ve been so lonely,” Jesper moaned dramatically. 

Wylan hummed, flopping off Jesper’s side and onto the bed next to him. He wrapped an arm around Jesper’s waist, mercifully unticklish.

“That was pretty effective at destressing,” Wylan said. “Maybe I should do that every time.”

Jesper’s stomach gave a pleasant, flustered squirm. Instead of answering, he just hummed. And then he rolled the two of them over so that he could straddle Wylan.

“And maybe, I should return the favor.”

[chamomileteainabuttercup]

Dincobb Week Day 2 - Hurt/Comfort (SFW)

Welcome to my Dincobb Week fanfic posts! I've written stories and scenes of varying lengths and tones. For clarity I should say that most of these exist as miniature AUs of their own and have no continuity with each other or with anything else I've written about these characters, so in different pieces they may be described having different physical features, personal possessions, preferences, et cetera. (There are three exceptions which I'll note as such when they come out.) Thanks to @djarining, who helped me a lot with brainstorming and discussing my ideas!

For today I have two pieces, an SFW and an NSFW - the NSFW is scheduled to post an hour after this one. The SFW is the first of the three linked stories - the other two are SFW and NSFW for a finale (but the SFWs can stand alone if you prefer not to read the NSFW one).

Hurt/Comfort - Sunburn and Grief

“Oh, partner,” Cobb says with rueful sympathy. “Look at the state of you.”

Din doesn’t know how his face looks, but from the hot, tight feeling of the skin he guesses it’s much like what he can see of his arms, shoulders, chest — burned crimson. Even his eyelids feel burned, and puffy to boot. He’s feeling pretty angry with himself. Just because he’d been enjoying the newfound warmth of the sun on his face was no reason to decide to take his shirt off and feel it all over the top of his body. It was a dumb impulse and the fact it had felt blissfully good, so much so that after he lay down to bask on the patch of sand behind Cobb’s house that he jokingly calls the garden, he fell fast asleep, did not excuse it. This is his natural punishment, he guesses, for getting into a “nothing matters any more so I’ll do whatever I feel like” state of mind, exacerbated by day-drinking. He’s not sure if the splitting headache is because of the sunburn or more of a hangover symptom. Either way, he knows he deserves it — and he doesn’t deserve how gentle Cobb is being with him, guiding him into the cool shade of the house with a hand carefully on his unburned back.

“You don’t have to look after me,” Din says. “I deserve this.”

“You’re under my roof, so yes I do,” says Cobb. “We take hospitality seriously out here. Sit down.” He guides him into a chair by his kitchen table and looks him over again. “You’re already blistering, you poor dummy. Well, first things first, you’re dehydrated.” He brings him a tall glass of water. “Slow sips, now. You gulp it down and you’re liable to throw up. I once found that out the hard way.”

Din doesn’t want to be fussed over but he still has enough of a wish to survive that he takes the glass gratefully. He takes a first sip to wet his mouth and throat, then another that he tries to hold in his mouth for as long as he can before swallowing. Cobb’s left the room; he thinks he can hear him in the bathroom, opening and shutting the cabinets. It’s so hard to think clearly; his head aches and he’s still not really sober. He can’t think what he should be doing. Is this sunstroke? What are you supposed to do for sunstroke again? He doesn’t think he’s ever been sunburned before, maybe it always feels this awful and he just wouldn’t know. Not really a Mandalorian problem. And he’s not really a Mandalorian now, so it’s become his problem. He drinks the rest of the water, probably too fast, but if he throws up he probably deserves that too.

Cobb comes back with a handful of washcloths and a big jar of something pale yellow and waxy-looking. “Let’s get you cooled down,” he says, and goes about efficiently filling a big bowl with water, throwing in some ice from the freezer, soaking the cloths and laying them spread out on Din’s chest and arms. They feel shockingly cold at first and he flinches, but almost immediately they seem to grow warm from the heat of his skin. Cobb’s humming softly as he does it, a constant soothing sound. “Head back,” he says, and lays a wet cloth over Din’s face, then leaves again and comes back with something that he sets on the table beside him. There’s a click and a whirr and a fan is blowing across his body, helping to chill the wet cloths again. Cobb keeps re-dipping and replacing them. Quiet minutes pass. The coolness is so merciful. Din opens his mouth a bit and sucks some water from the cloth over his face. His lips really hurt, but it’s still comforting somehow. He remembers how Grogu was hellbent on sucking soapy water out of the washcloth whenever he gave him a bath, and the memory stabs him under the ribs. Why does he have to remember stuff like that? Stuff that was annoying and a little gross and worried him at the time, but that he’d now give an arm or a leg to have back in his life?

“Okay,” says Cobb, peeling the wet cloth back from his face, “I want you to drink some more water. I put some rehydration salts in this glass, so it may taste a little funny, but you need the electrolytes or whatever.” Din accepts the glass and drinks, obediently; he’s starting to feel very slightly better physically. “And I bet you have the mother of a headache, so take these too.” He gives him a couple of white capsules to swallow.

“Thanks,” Din says, his voice even more subdued than normal. Cobb is watching him with his elbow on the table and his chin on his hand. He looks concerned, which makes Din feel guilty, but also irritable because Cobb doesn’t have to concern himself. Yes, Din asked if he could stay here, but he could always have said no, he can always ask him to leave if he becomes a burden. He should leave, it was so selfish to come here just because he was miserable and didn’t want to be around anyone else. He doesn’t know where else to go, though. He can probably go and find Boba. He would give him a job. He should probably have stuck with him anyway, but he felt like he’d imposed on him a lot already. Or followed Bo-Katan and tried to sort out all the Darksaber political nonsense. Not come here just because he wanted to see Cobb. Because he missed him and wished he could have spent longer with him in the first place. And all he’s done since he got here is act like a depressed asshole. And for reasons unknown Cobb is putting up with it. Yes, he’s a good, kind person, and maybe he feels like he still owes Din for his help over and above giving him the armour, but he still shouldn’t put up with it. Maybe he won’t for much longer. Whatever good opinion Din bought back then must be eroding fast. And that thought stabs at him, too.

“Okay,” says Cobb, taking the washcloths off Din’s left arm, closer to him, resting on the wooden arm of the chair. “This is good for sunburn, windburn, you name it. The all-purpose old-fashioned Tatooine skin balm.” He takes the lid off the jar, scoops out a generous amount on his fingertips, and begins smoothing it onto the burned skin on the back of Din’s left hand. It looks waxy, but it’s so soft that it melts into his skin almost immediately. “Mind you, you’re bound to peel, as crispy as you are, but this’ll soothe the pain and help your skin recover.”

Din’s cracked lips tremble, and if he wasn’t dehydrated he’s pretty sure there would be tears in his eyes. Cobb’s hands are so gentle. Being touched on the sunburn hurts, too, but it’s the gentleness that makes him want to cry. Cobb quietly, patiently, continues up Din’s arm to the shoulder, then moves his chair to do the same on the other side. He’s humming all the while, an old Tatooine folk song, Din thinks. Or for all he knows, last summer’s big pop hit, it’s not like he keeps up with these things.

“Sure do have a lot of scars,” Cobb remarks as he reaches the top of Din’s arm. “Looks like some of these wounds were cauterised.”

“I can’t exactly give myself stitches,” mumbles Din.

“Life’s been like that, huh?” Cobb says sympathetically. “Been there. Things are better now.” His voice softens further. “Things do get better, if you give it time and don’t lose heart. Turn your chair towards me, I gotta get your front.”

When he removes one of the washcloths from Din’s chest, Din takes it from him and drapes it over his face again. Being covered is such a relief, even if he has no right to it now. It’s particularly a relief because Cobb’s hand stroking his belly and chest with soothing balm is… embarrassing. His face would be red even if it wasn’t burned. He’s not used to this kind of physical intimacy with… anyone really. The fact that it’s still somewhat painful to be touched and his head still aches is keeping him from enjoying it in any unseemly way, but he wishes he’d laid down to bask on his front. He could just have a burnt back then. Much less… confronting to have your back touched. Cobb’s hand is stroking his neck now; he’s even burned under his chin, which feels ridiculous.

“Okay,” says Cobb, “I need to see your face again.” He takes the washcloth and Din lifts his head again, but keeps his eyes closed. Cobb begins by smoothing a dab of balm over each puffy upper lid. Now he thinks about it, he must look pretty hideous, not just red but swollen. It’s not the sort of thing he’s used to thinking about, or caring about, but it does bother him a little to have Cobb see him look like this. Gentle but firm fingertips spread balm over his forehead, down his nose, across his cheeks, down to his chin. He must have absorbed enough water by now from the two glasses he drank; tears are sneaking from the corners of his eyes and stinging his skin painfully. He feels Cobb’s thumb brushing balm across his chapped lips, the last place on his face, and thinks that will be the end of it, but then he feels hands cupping the sides of his head, thumbs stroking his temples. “Look at me, Din,” Cobb says quietly.

Reluctantly, he opens his eyes. He isn’t prepared for what he sees in Cobb’s eyes, the tenderness and affection but also the trouble and fear.

“Don’t hurt yourself like this again,” Cobb says. “Please.”

“It wasn’t on purpose,” Din says, although his voice comes out weird, choked and husky.

“Wasn’t it?”

“Trust me,” he says with a little grim smile, “if I wanted to hurt myself I know a lot more efficient ways to do it.”

“But —”

“If I wanted to hurt myself I could just go out back and eat my blaster. Quick and easy. Roll down the dune and let the wind cover me up.”

“Please don’t talk like that,” Cobb says urgently. “Don’t be so flip like you don’t matter.”

“I — I don’t matter,” Din says. “I don’t matter any more. I — I’m nothing any more,” and then the dam breaks and he’s crying. It hurts, it hurts to stretch the burned skin of his face, it hurts where the tears cut through the balm, but it hurts worst inside his chest, around his heart.

“Oh, no,” says Cobb, and pulls him forward, pulls Din’s head to his shoulder, hugs him close, and Din feels his hands stroke his back, his unburned back where thank heavens, he can feel some real comfort from the touch. He still can’t stop crying. It’s a raw, ugly sound that tears his throat, a stupid, inarticulate a-hur-hur-hur. “No, darlin’, no,” Cobb’s telling him, “you’re so wrong, you matter so much to me, you are everything to me. You don’t know how happy I was to see you. To see your face! Or how broken up to see you so miserable. I wish I knew what to do for you, what to say.”

Din still can’t stop crying, but if he’s ever able to do so, he’ll want to tell Cobb that he’s doing and saying it now.

[lysershine]

@willwoodimagines​ lore timeline (what is my life)

So firstly, a fuckin massive thank you to @hotsinglelemonsinyourarea​ because I cannot do this shit alone and he’s helped me compile all of their old posts because I, apparently, underestimated how long they’ve been doing this. So from this point forward, I’m assuming nothing is a joke. Here we go!!

I am so sorry. Let’s do this.

So earliest posts that are likely lore come from around April the 9th. This post is a conversation seemingly between Three and One where Two is gone on a road trip, -- although it might not Actually Be A Road Trip, -- and then One tells everyone to stop acting like Two is dead, because he’s not. Which, fair enough, although later in the conversation, Two replies and seems to invent that he’s at the beach, probably to calm down the people speculating about his whereabouts. I am Anything But Calm. 

There’s also this post, presumably from One or Three but it’s hard to tell cuz Three didn’t start signing posts until much later and they type pretty similarly, where they tell us we should be grateful for them feeding us and keeping us warm, and it’s tagged with ‘#I wish I was warm.’  

So here’s where stuff gets very interesting! Backstory, people! In this post, we start to see some pieces put together. The imagine reads:

IMAGINE: Will Wood invites you into his home for an exclusive performance of I/Me/Myself. You are so excited! But then, he asks you to come down into his wine cellar, explaining that his keyboard is down there. You go down there hesitantly. You don’t realize for several minutes that he did not follow you down here. The only things here are a laptop and a sticky note with the words “POST IMAGINES” written in sharpie. You are so afraid and attempt to leave the way you came in but the door is gone. You are trapped. It is so cold and you just want to see your family again.

So that’s horrifying!! But it gives us insight into how the mods were probably captured and why they’re running this blog. It’s a great blog. 10/10, doesn’t make me solve codes. Oh wait. 

After that post, -- which I am assuming comes from Three, -- we’re treated to a bunch of morse code that the wonderful Nigel was kind enough to translate for me:

They then added in a reblog, “It seems I have made a typo! I meant mod 1 won’t let me speak, I am mod 3.” So, it seems like One is trying to quiet any cries for help.

This is shortly thereafter followed by this post from the 11th, and to quote directly, it says:

IMAGINE: Inside of the cellar basemeant, there is a suit. It is tempting but Weill said you are not allowed to touch. YOu know you want to. Touch it. he is guarding it. he is hiding something. follow for more will woof imagines.

So that’s riddled with typos, and if you stick them all together you just get eeOf so I’m gonna assume that all this means is that this post is courtesy of Two. There’s also a skeleton circled so maybe Will has previous victims or something? Who knows.

On the 12th, we have a couple posts, one about being in Will’s basement and watching him cosplay the onceler, another about Will being vaguely inhuman. Don’t know how important that is but I’m gonna make note of it anyway, because Will being inhuman especially might make sense for some stuff.

The next seemingly important post is this one:

So this one is probably about Two, my evidence being this post and the fact that, following this, Two gets significantly worse at spelling and more confused about what’s going on with their captivity. My best guess is that Two gets in trouble either for the lack of imagines OR they did touch the suit from that earlier imagine and now they know something that they shouldn’t. Either way, Will takes him away and brainwashes??? Lobotomizes??? Bite of ‘87s???? Idk???? I’m gonna go with lobotomy, it seems the most accurate to Two’s behavior from here on out, I really have no idea but he comes back Very Different. And in the tags it says ‘Laplace’s Angel 2:14!’ and the line at that time is “Somebody, help me!” so you know, pretty straightforward cry for help. 

Though it makes me think that in the cellar, they are probably limited to interaction with only things directly connected to Will Wood, which is why “as a treat” they watch the documentary and they communicate with his music like this. They’re not allowed any media other than his. 

Anyway, here’s an important note: From this point forward, Two is an unreliable narrator. Everything he says from here on out should be taken with a pillar of salt. (H.A.L.T., it’s not my fault!) 

So with that in mind, the next post of importance is this one, a conversation that goes Three, One, and then Two. Two says Will let them watch the documentary as a treat, One tells them to stop making it seem like Will is holding them captive, and Three just says “movee :-)”. Which, fair enough.

The next posts that are worth noting are this one, where Three simply says “mental anguish” and One shuts them down saying that no one on the blog is experiencing that, and threatens them in the tags, and then this one where someone is being silenced.  

There’s this post, which in the website version of their blog links to itself, I don’t know how or why or if that matters but if someone figures something out with that, please let me know. There’s also this imagine, which is about bodyswapping with Will -- storywise, I don’t think this is something that really happens, -- but it’s tagged with ‘#I miss my family.’ So that’s Not Good.

There’s some posts in between solidifying that despite this wackiness, the mods are indeed still friends. And then we go straight back into absolute horror with this post:

And so evidently they are Less Than Okay and probably being held captive by Will Wood. It’s immediately followed by this morse code, presumably from Three because he seems to use morse where One uses binary, and when deciphered, it reads: “I am blinking. Hear my cry.” Three’s post is then followed by One trying to shush them once more, saying: 

“[W]e at Willwoodimagines would like to apologize for last night. We might have, perhaps, made it seem as if we are being held in a wine cellar against our Will (Wood), and that some of us have been down here for six years, and that we may miss our families, but I, Mod 1, would like to remind you that we are fine and need no help! Cheers!:) #We are NOT blinking. At all. #Not at all. No blinking from us! Blinking? Aha! Not at all.”

So what can be gathered from this is that they’re absolutely being held in Will Wood’s wine cellar, and some of them have been there for six years, and they miss their families, are NOT fine, definitely need help, and are CERTAINLY blinking. Also the random bolded letters spell “help” again.

Then there’s this post, which Nigel translated for me (ty man ily):

We also have this crudely-drawn map from Two, but it doesn’t seem to be related to anything. Anyway, the address is totally garbled, yep, but nonetheless if you put it into Google you get the address for a relatively poorly-rated landfill in New Jersey:

So clearly someone picked up on that, because then we have an ask from an anon who wants to know what the recycling situation is where they are being held. One seems very confused by this question, and Two pipes in saying that have a trashcan. Their confusion would make me assume this is the wrong address, but I don’t actually have to assume, because One(?) confirms it later with this post containing binary that can be translated to read:

“oh god the address was wrong i don't know where we fucking are help“

So you know, concerning! This is immediately followed by another ask, this one in binary. The conversation goes:

“Are you good?” “Absolutely not”

Which kinda speaks for itself. There’s also a quiz they made and I took it to see if there was any lore and uh apparently I’m most like One, so that’s poggers, I think? Idk there wasn’t any lore though. There is this post where Three says that Two’s favorite song isn’t a Will Wood song, and One threatens to knock them the fuck out, and I’m adding this as a point to my theory that they’re unallowed to consume media unrelated to WW. They make up though, so it’s fine.

It gets more quiet and more confusing for a while, Three saying “wake up” and this post being tagged with ‘#I’m cold and I am afraid.’ Two leaves again, Three goes quiet cuz they’re having a rough time, Two hates being smol-bean-ified and is behind held below One and Three, who seem to be in the same room? They’re also all starving, and Three could be an arsonist if you let them out.

Blah blah, they called me out and I cried about it, and NOW we’ve reached the 100-follower-special. Thank fuck.

Three posts this, it leads to binary, and that binary says:

“Listen carefully. The video that Will (Wood) be posted is extremely important. Do not skip it.“

This is immediately followed by this video of Two sprinting through the woods, presumably to freedom, if you read the tags. Three follows that with another post, saying “It has begun.” One shuts them down again in this post, but it links to binary that says:

“hello? can you read this? mod 2 is free! and hopefully will be coming back for us both. you all did absolutely nothing to help so i'm not thanking you for this. however i am thanking you for following us all! you've given us moral support thank you, mod 1“

As I’ve said earlier, I’m fairly certain that their captor is Will and he has access to this tumblr, which is why One especially is trying to be quiet about this. Like in this post where they apologize for the insanity on the blog, which links to binary, and it reads:

“we’re not in ddlc. i am not monika. listen to me closely. mod 3 and i are still stuck here. we have been posting cries for help for weeks. go look for them! they’re like easter eggs. just for you! thank you, mod 1“

DO I LOOK LIKE I’M COLLECTING EGGS YET??? DO I??????? Anyway, I got named the official lore account so now I’m fucking trapped here, and then we get some posts about how Two has made it to a McDonald’s.

Then One posts yet another apology, with two links. Link one directs you to a groupchat between the three mods, detailing Two’s escape and everyone’s very odd adoration for fast food. But then again, Three says they’ve been eating slop for a while, so. Fair enough. To bring back my old commentary about this, though; in this conversation there seems to be a bit of confusion over who exactly put them in the cellar where they’re captured, but as we saw earlier it was indeed Will Wood himself who is keeping them prisoner. However, Two also asserts that very soon he will be able to save One and Three, apparently with the help of Will? So there are two possibilities here:

1. Two is still an unreliable narrator, so it’s a possibility that his lobotomy or whatever has ruined his ability to perceive threats and he is being tricked by Will, who is indeed their captor, and will get thrown back in the cellar with the other two.

2. Something bigger than Will is controlling the situation. It makes no sense that all three mods would remember Will putting them in the cellar if he didn’t. So someone else could be controlling Will, I don’t know. They allude to a person from the documentary and initially I assumed it was Will but I actually haven’t seen the movie (shock and horror, I know, I’m sorry), so maybe it’s someone else and that’s the piece of the puzzle I’m missing? Idk, if you’ve made it this far and you’ve seen the documentary, check the conversation and let me know.

Link two leads to binary, and when translated it becomes:

“i do think it’s less endearing and more terrifying how people on a blogging website care more about my freedom than my own friends and family did i dont need to sign this. you know who it’s from“

Which, maybe, but I love ARGs and Nigel and I are already incredibly invested so whoops. Besides, who’s gonna do it if we don’t?

Anyway!!! I sent an ask in response to some of my confusion for the groupchat, and because One said to keep sending messages. One responded, and I was redirected to even more binary because of course! This time it says:

“THANK YOU FOR ASKING MOD 2 SAID THAT HE HAS INTERACTED WITH WILL. SO I DO NOT THINK WE ARE BEING HELD BY WILL HIMSELF. I BELIEVE MOD 3 KNOWS BUT WHEN I ASKED AGAIN HE JUST TOLD ME THAT IT WAS THE GUY FROM THE MOVIE. THIS WAS NOT VERY HELPFUL THANKS  MOD 1 P.S. THIS IS IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I'M VERY EXCITED!!” 

Then there were two posts in quick succession, the first one was a new puzzle type! Morse code! And grandma taught me that, so I can tell you it says:

“I think we posted an address once but it was wrong and we got caught doing it. I didn’t like that day. This entire computer has safety settings on it so I can’t just ??? (this looks like a keysmash or something to me?) stop writing. Hold on, I hear something.”

And I would’ve thrown it directly in a translator, but as One acknowledges in their next post with a link to more binary, I had to translate by hand because:

“well! you'll never guess what desktops do to morse code! we're back at binary! anyway. we did post an address but everything went wrong, i don't like thinking about that entire week, the pain was unimaginable! more importantly, though, i've asked mod 3 and he s hold on i think i hear something.“

That post was immediately reblogged with more binary that just says:

“well that’s not good”

Which is horrific!! So I sent an ask, like, ayo homie what the fuck, and I got a response! The text itself is just a dismissal that anything’s wrong, but the bolded text spells out “footsteps” so that’s terrifying! Also Two apparently slept in the McDonald’s parking lot and One slept in a sleeping bag in the cellar.

They posted that this morning when I started working on this post, -- I’ve been here for like eight hours now I think, -- and so I replied expressing my distress that they were active again and One responded with backwards text, which when read normally, says:

“Did you think we were going to sleep forever? The show must go on!”

Death undertones, I dig it.

Anyway, @hotsinglelemonsinyourarea​ my beloved asked why they were watching @emerald-whale​, and One hit back with binary that says:

“you don't think we're watching all of you? tell the lorekeeper to write this one down. sincerely, mod 1″

Which is fucking horrifying, but no worries One, I am writing it down!! I am making a whole ass fucking timeline!! Because I am but a humbled servant that kneels to whatever story you’re trying to tell here. :) Apparently. ::) I hate it here.

Anyway, an anon sent in an ask that is one of the funniest interactions ever:

“ooohhh pizza mozarella pizza mozarella rella rella oohh“

“alright no more lore for you guys until you learn how to behave”

And then Two felt like pitching in as well:

Now keep in mind all of this was posted very fast and I was writing this post, -- still am, whoops, -- so I sent this very stressed ask telling them to SLOW DOWN THE LORE PLEASE IM FUCKING PLEADING as well as asking each mod a question, and I got shot back more binary cuz they hate me but they did answer my questions so the conversation goes:

Me: “One, are you in the same room as Three? What about Two?”  One: “yes. no. i miss 2 dearly.” Me: “Two, who did you bite to get out? Two: “the  ghuy from the movee !!!!  i bit him and sstole hias phone!!!!!! his passw ord was "willwoodsux"  :-)” Me: “Three, how long has it been since you’ve consumed any media that isn’t WW related?” Three: “It’s only been a year since I entered the cellar, so not that long ago :-) Around July you're welcome, lorekeeper sincerely, the three mods

So to clarify what and why I was asking:

1. My theory about One and Three being together while Two is separate is confirmed, yay me! Kinda trivial but I want to understand what’s going on in the cellar, so that stuff makes sense in context.

2. I haven’t seen the Will Wood movie, so this means nothing to me! Lucky for me, I have a friend, @indubitablyswag​, who has seen it, so I asked them!

They have no fucking clue either!! So I will probably be renting that movie tonight, because this lore is worth money to me now, apparently, -- and I’ve been meaning to see it anyways. 

3. Three made a comment about having never seen Ratatouille, which Nigel thought tied into my theory that non-WW things weren’t allowed in the cellar. I think this confirms that, but it actually doesn’t excuse Three from not knowing Ratatouille because it came out much longer than a year ago. (Unless this ARG takes place in a different year? I’ll have to ask about that.)

Then there’s another pizza mozzarella whatever ask, but it’s okay cuz Two fucking murders them. 

I got my numbers screwed up and hurt One’s feelings, (IF YOU’RE READING THIS, ONE, IM SORRY, I MEANT THREE!!) something???? hurts, and I have wasted a solid nineish hours of my existence on this.

Then One gave me a whole ass heart attack by asking my favorite flavor of ice cream. (Theirs is birthday cake, apparently.)

I’m posting it before any of those fucks give me any more lore to add to this timeline because I’ve been here for like ten hours and I honestly just Can Not Keep Doing This, so I’ll be back with more theories later, -- especially after I’ve seen the movie. 

In the meantime, au revoir, I’m gonna go have a stroke. I hope you guys are pleased with your lorekeeper. Cuz if you’re not then literally what has this been for? :::))