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newtthetranswriter · 1 year ago

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Word count: 1703

Paring: Taishiro Toyomitsu(Fatgum) x Transmasculine non-binary reader

Summary: Being transgender and working with idiots can be really hard, but luckily you have the softest boyfriend ever.

Warnings: Mentions of dysphoria, talk of binding, people being dicks, mentions of food, let me know if i missed anything that should be a warning.

A/n: So little background, one this takes place shortly after the Shie Hassakai raid, so Taishiro is in slim form. Two I wrote this because recently at work I’ve been having a lot of trouble with people misgendering me even after having conversations with management about my identity. It's getting better but still feeling kinda shitty. Anyway, enjoy this comfort fic and let me know if you like it. Also, requests are open just check my rules and character list and feel free to ask for anything.

Today was by far one of the hardest I’ve had in a long time. I just wanted to go to bed and not get up for anything. I spent the entire day at work being misgendered by coworkers, and customers, this really did a number on my gender dysphoria and self esteem. Every Time I was called ma'am, or heard someone refer to me as her or she I felt like all of the work I have done to pass as masculine was for nothing. I know I shouldn’t let these things get to me because people can be dicks but it still really hurts, especially when I've told coworkers multiple times that my pronouns are they/them or he/him, and they keep ignoring my wishes.

My only relief is when I get to go home to my lovely partner Taishiro Toyomitsu. We’ve been together for the past couple of years and he has been supportive the entire time. He has been with me since before I started transitioning and didn’t even bat an eye when I finally came out and decided to transition. Tai always knows what to say when I’m having a bad day, and supports me in every way that he can. I don’t know where I would be If I didn’t have him.

That’s why I was so relieved to arrive home to find him relaxing on the couch with take out from our favorite restaurant down the road. It’s like he knows when I’m having an off day before we even talk. I took my shoes and coat off, setting them by the door before plopping down on the couch leaning on his shoulder. While I enjoy the warm cuddles I get from him when he’s in his fat form, I enjoy being able to lean on his shoulder without struggle.

“Hey dumpling, you want to talk about it, or just eat dinner?” Tai asked as he wrapped his arm over my shoulder, pulling me in closer.

“Food first, I just want to relax with you.” I was not ready to talk about my struggles of the day yet. He just nodded and reached for a take out container with teriyaki salmon and noodles, handing it to me with a pair of chopsticks. I gladly accepted it, ready to enjoy a meal with Tai.

Before we could get too far into eating, Taishiro sat up from his current box of rice with a look of reliastion on his face. “You didn’t take off your binder.” He turned to me. I turned away slightly because I know what he was gonna say, sure he’s right I just can’t handle that right now. “Hey, I know you don’t want to, because of whatever happened today. But it’s for your own safety, I don’t want you hurting from wearing it too much. Tell you what, if you go take it off now you can wear one of my hoodies, and while you’re doing that I will put on How to Train Your Dragon cause I know it’s one of your favorites.” Tai encouraged me to go take off the constricting fabric.

I nodded begrudgingly, before getting off the couch to find the giant hoodie I had claimed as my dysphoria hoodie. It took me a minute to get my binder off and get the hoodie on, making sure to stretch out my shoulders and cough to help expand my lungs after 8 hours of compression on my chest. Once I felt somewhat comfortable, I made my way back out to the living room. “Happy now?” I said as I watched my boyfriend finish what I assume is his third box of rice judging by the empty containers stacked at the end of the coffee table. He looked up at me with rice stuck to the outside of his mouth, he smiled at me and nodded. I sat down next to him picking my food back up and playing the movie.

After about three hours, an entire table’s worth of food, and two How to train Your Dragon movies later, I was faced with a discussion I still didn’t want to have. “You should really talk about what happened at work. I know you don’t like talking about your struggles, but you can’t bottle it up all the time, dumpling.” Tai said, pulling me into his side.

I nodded but took a minute to respond. “It’s just so difficult. I work so hard to look the way I want to and people just ignore it. They just assume because I have a higher pitch voice that obviously I’m a chick. I just wish people would take in more than one feature of a person before making assumptions, or ask before calling people something.” I began ranting, and like every other time I’ve needed to vent Taishiro just listened, rubbing my back. “I hate that I’ve explicitly told people ‘hey I’m non-binary and prefer these pronouns’ and they straight up ignore it. If I didn’t need this job I would probably quit. And I know what you’re gonna say, yes technically we could comfortably live off your salary as a pro, but I can’t sit around all day. I need to do something and not be cooped up all the time. I just wish there was a way to get people to pull their heads out of their asses and be respectful.” It felt nice to get that off my chest, I truly did like working and being out of the house, but dealing with assholes is so draining.

Taishiro didn’t immediately respond knowing that it was necessary and just pulled me closer. It may not have been long since he used up his fat stores but I could tell he was steadily building it back. He was becoming less lean and softer. I was always in awe of how much he changed because of his quirk, it honestly made me slightly jealous and that thought led me into another rant. “Uhg, I'm so jealous of you sometimes you know. You have such an amazing quirk, you get to save people and they respect you no matter what. They don’t look at you and assume you’re lazy because of your fat form, they don’t treat you differently when you expel the energy from your body and become skinny. No matter what to people you are the BMI hero Fatgum. But when people look at me, I’m just some chick trying to pretend to be a guy. If only I had a quirk that let me change how I looked, I would be able to look how I want when I want and I wouldn’t have to wait ages to get approved for surgeries to make me feel comfortable in my own body. Hell if I even just had a quirk people would probably respect me more.” I finish slightly out of breath.

I heard a sigh from above me and looked up at Taishiro. “Don’t say that. People respect you plenty. Plus you’re perfect the way you are. You are so much braver than most of the pro heroes I’ve worked with. You face the world everyday with a smile on your face even when you feel less than perfect. You treat everyone with respect even when they don’t really deserve it. And yes people will look at me no matter what and see Fatgum the BMI hero, but only you look at me and see Taishiro. You’re the only one who knows how frustrating it is for me to find clothes because of my size, or how tired I get after using up all my fat. You are the only person I want to see when I’m eating a grocery store worth of food in one sitting because it’s not a pretty site and I know you won’t judge me. The people love Fatgum because he can save them and not break a sweat, they love that in dire situations he goes from an 8 foot ball to a 6 foot lean attractive person. Being able to change how you look can be great but it can also be a pain. I wouldn’t want you to change the way you look just so other people stop being dicks. If you want to change the way you look, do it because that's what you want. And I’ve told you before I’ll pay for anything you want, if you’re tired of waiting for approval for top surgery I’ll gladly pay for it. If you want to quit your job because people are assholes, quit your job.” He went on his own rant trying to get his point across. “ And before you say it, if you quit your job you can come be my assistant at the agency, help me with paperwork and talk with Amajiki and Eijiro cause I know how much you care for those two.” He added on. We had talked about it before and I had always turned down the offer, but with how stressful my current job is it would be nice to work with people who actually respect and care about me.

“Okay, I guess I’ll come work with you. It has been a while since I talked with the boys. I’ll put in my two weeks tomorrow.” He gave me his signature smile finally glad that after years of trying to get me to work with him I agreed. “Also thank you for listening and cheering me up. I love you so much Tai. I don’t know what I would do without you.” I said giving him a kiss on the cheek before standing up to head to the bedroom for the night.

Before I could get too far he pulled me back down to the couch, giving me a kiss on the lips. “I love you too, Y/n. I truly am proud of you, whenever you need to talk I’m always here for you.” Tai said before letting me up and following me to bed.\

There may be bad days where it feels like nothing is going right but at least I know I have the most supportive boyfriend ever to help me through it.

#my hero academia x reader #mha x reader #fatgum x reader #taishiro toyomitsu #mha taishiro #taishiro x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #trans!reader #nonbinary reader #comfort fic

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suddence · 1 year ago

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08.05.2023 - Part 3

Hi hi! I’m about halfway through editing Part 3: Leave No Trace. Given that this part is longer than the first two, I thought it would be prudent to update on the progress so far!

(I never mentioned what parts 1 and 2 are called! They are Part 1: Don’t Talk To Strangers; and Part 2: Emergencies Only.)

I’ve gotten through 29858 words so far, and the total count has gone up by a few hundred to 50804. Wow! It’s officially past 50k words now! I know anything past 40k technically already counts as a novel (as opposed to a novella) but this makes it feel more...real.

Anyway, that means I’m about 60% through the edit. This part sees Dany meeting some new characters, Zahira’s ex-boyfriend Aaron and his much cooler brother JJ. This bit of the story provides a bit of normalcy to Dany’s life--throughout the book you start to realize that Dany doesn’t know what a “normal” kid life is supposed to be like (or a “normal” adult life, for that matter), so I wanted Dany to have a taste of that normalcy amid all the mayhem.

On the flashback front, after a particularly bad encounter with the cops where they lose basically all their luggage and money, Dany and Marisa are forced to lay even lower and try to survive as the weather is getting dangerously cold. Dany also loses the diary they’ve been narrating in, so they’re trying to continue the entries in their head, which starts to morph the way the flashbacks are told.

I’m starting to see some heavier edits now. There are plenty of spots where I transitioned between scenes very poorly, or rushed through so fast the pacing is just awful. You could really tell my goal was to finish the draft instead of making it good. (To be clear: that’s a good thing! If I got caught up on every little detail, I would never have finished the draft.)

The biggest edits I had to do were in regards to Zahira and Aaron. They (seeing as they are, indeed, exes) argue quite a bit, but sometimes this can get really annoying to read, and it pushes Dany to the sidelines, which makes the whole thing just feel unnecessary. So the work here was to make the arguments interesting (in particular, make AARON more interesting), and to make sure Dany has a place in it. (Dany has made it their goal to never speak to Aaron, so that’s also a fun dynamic to play with.)

The other major thing I had to figure out was the timeline. I had to make sure the amount of time they spend driving makes sense, especially with how much their original plan gets disrupted. I got something figured out, and ended up having to change a scene from noon to dinnertime. I mean, that’s small beans.

One last thing (and the most recent thing I had to edit) has to do with cars. Now, I don’t know much about cars. I don’t even have my L yet. So trying to google the difference between automatic transmission and manual transmission was quite a ride (HAHA get it? Ride?).

Whew. That was a long update. Here is a short excerpt where Dany and JJ and Zahira watch knock-off High School Musical!

(Transcript under the cut!)

JJ gets a lyric wrong. Zahira laughs, and when the next chorus comes, she purposely gets it wrong too, and JJ smacks her with a pillow. When the next song plays, I sing a little under my breath, and the next song, I sing louder.

I want to stay here forever. After I reach Suddence, there won’t be times like this anymore.

But for now, I can let myself believe this has always been my life.

#suddence #writing update #writeblr

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avengers-x-reader · 3 years ago

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admittance

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

description: bucky has been having nightmares recently. all you want to do is help him, but it’s hard when he denies the fact that he’s having these nightmares in the first place.

word count: 1.8k

warnings: brief language, mentions of nightmares & violence, some angst i guess??

a/n: this is set before the events of TFATWS - bucky is speaking to a therapist, but the events with the flag smashers and all that jazz have not yet occurred.

Does he really think I don’t know what he’s doing? you think to yourself as you make your way through the apartment you shared with Bucky. The clock on the oven shows a bright green “3:28am,” and you sigh with the realization of how little sleep you’d been getting recently. You know that Bucky’s been getting even less sleep, though, and the thought makes your heart clench in pity.

Well, maybe pity isn’t the right word. Pity gives a connotation of weakness and sorrow on behalf of the weak. You knew for a fact that Bucky Barnes was not weak. After everything he’s gone through in his life, and after everything he’s done to try and make amends with the people he’s hurt, you considered him to be the strongest person you’ve ever met. However, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of sadness and compassion over your boyfriend’s struggle to sleep as he forced himself to come face-to-face with the acts of violence he’d committed in his past.

For the past few weeks, Bucky had been transitioning to sleeping on the living room floor whenever he was kept awake due to nightmares. He never flat-out admitted that nightmares were the cause of his sleepless nights, but after putting together the puzzle pieces of his sweat-soaked sheets, his tossing and turning, and his reluctance to talk about why he’d been sneaking out of your room most nights, you were able to figure it out for yourself.

You pass the island in the kitchen and smile sadly when you see Bucky sleeping, curled up on floor just as you’d suspected he’d be. At least he’s getting some sleep, you think, but this relief is short-lived and it disappears when he begins to thrash around.

“Honey?” you call out softly, not wanting to startle him awake. You know that Bucky is a bit disoriented when he first wakes up, especially after he’s had a nightmare, and you don’t want to make his transition to the real world any more jarring than it had to be for him.

Your soft voice did nothing to wake him up or stop his thrashing, so you bend down to his level and try again. “Bucky, babe, please wake up.”

Your hand resting gently on his shoulder is what eventually does the trick. His eyes open harshly, and he sits up as he attempts to gasp for breath.

“There you are,” you whisper with a smile, but tears start to build in your eyes as you think of how much pain Bucky must be in. He’s still trying to catch his breath as he looks frantically around the room before settling his gaze on you.

“I’m sorry, doll,” he whispers, rubbing his eyes. “Did I wake you?”

You choose your words carefully. He didn’t know that you knew about his nightmares, and you didn’t want to ask him about them if he wasn’t ready to talk about them. “Not at all. I got thirsty and came out for a drink, and wanted to know what you were doing on the floor all by yourself.”

Bucky gives a short, unamused laugh and shakes his head before replying, “I just couldn’t sleep.”

“Got it,” you nod. Your hand has been rubbing slow circles on his back in an attempt to slow down his breathing, and slowly but surely, his breaths have been calming down as you sat next to each other. “You’ve been sleeping out here a lot recently,” you continue softly.

“Well what do you want me to do about that?” he asks louder than you’d been talking before. He pushes himself to his feet and begins pacing the room. “I come out here so that I don’t wake you up and you’re mad. If I stayed in our room and kept you awake with me, I’m sure you’d be mad then, too. So what would you like for me to do?”

You didn’t reply for a good minute or so. You stare at him for a while, trying to figure out where this sudden outburst was coming from. You didn’t take it personally, but you still didn’t appreciate him lashing out on you when you were just trying to understand what was going on in his head. Finally, you reply, “I just want to be there for you.” This causes Bucky to stop his pacing and stare at you, but you continue, “I know you’ve been having nightmares, and I know you’re trying to keep me in the dark about them, but I don’t know why.”

“I-I’m not-” Bucky tries to interrupt, but you cut him off. “Yes, you are. I can tell. Now you don’t have to talk to me about them if you don’t want to, and you don’t even have to come back to our room to sleep at night if being with me is causing more of an issue, but don’t sit here and lie to my face about something as obvious as this. It’s insulting.”

You recognize that you’re being a bit harsh, but you wanted to get through to Bucky that you know about his nightmares, and you want to help him through them as much as you could - however you could.

Bucky walks towards where you’re still sitting on the floor and holds his hands out as an invitation to help you stand. You accept, grunting a bit as you’re pulled swiftly to your feet. He says nothing as he keeps your hand in his and leads the two of you back to the bedroom. Your confusion must be showing on your face, because he looks back at you and says softly, “It’s not you that’s the issue.”

“Then what is?” you ask, still allowing Bucky to lead you to the bed. The two of you lay down under the covers as you await his response. “James,” you continue with a just-as-quiet, but sterner tone of voice.

Bucky bites his lip and looks away with a sad smile. “It’s me,” he says simply. “I’m the issue,” he carries on before you can ask any questions.

“That’s the biggest pile of bull shit I’ve heard in my entire life,” you scoff, wrapping your arms around your boyfriend’s body. He usually feels so much bigger than you, but in this moment, he may as well be half your size. He folds in on himself, and you can tell from the way his shoulders are shaking that he’s crying.

“I’m trying to make amends,” he begins to explain through his tears. “I’m trying to act better, do better, be a better person, but it’s so hard when I’m reminded over and over again about how fucked up I used to be.”

“You’re doing your best,” you try to comfort him, but this seems to just make things worse as he turns away from you and shakes his head.

“Then I must be a pretty terrible person,” Bucky says dryly, “because apparently even my best isn’t good enough.”

Your heart sinks. Did someone tell him he wasn’t good enough? You know he’s been working with Dr. Raynor on making amends...she’s always seemed a bit harsh, from what Bucky’s told you about her. Did she say something about him not trying hard enough?

“Who told you that?” you finally ask.

“Nobody had to tell me. I just know,” he replies, keeping his back turned away from you.

You consider how you should respond for a few minutes. You don’t want to let him sit in this self-deprecating mindset, but you also know that you won’t be able to convince him otherwise when he’s so convinced already that he’s not doing enough to make amends. Finally, you say, “Bucky, look at me.”

He makes no effort to turn around and face you, so you say, “James Buchanan Barnes, turn your handsome face around and look at me.” He eventually complies and his lips are turned slightly upward into a smile, but his eyes are still glossy. “You can’t fix everything all at once,” you go on to say. “I know you want to be able to, and I know it’s hard knowing how many amends you need to make and the mental energy it takes to make these amends, but you have to stop putting so much pressure on yourself.”

“But if I don’t put this pressure on myself, I may never get it all done,” Bucky argues, squeezing his eyes shut and keeping them closed for a few moments. “You don’t know what it’s like.”

Your heart clenches, and you sigh heavily. “You’re right,” you admit. “I don’t know what it’s like. But that’s why I want you to talk to me about how you’re feeling, and admit when you need help, because otherwise I’m in the dark here. And you know I’m scared of the dark,” you smile sadly.

Bucky doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, but when he finally does, it says it with the clearest tone you’ve heard from him all night. “I love you so much.”

Aaaaand here come the waterworks, you think to yourself. “Oh honey, I love you too,” you reply, holding him tightly so that he couldn’t see the way tears had immediately sprung into your eyes. “I just want to help. I’m sorry if I’m being pushy or invasive, I just don’t want you suffering alone with these nightmares and this pressure of being ‘good enough’.”

“I know,” Bucky says. “You’re not being invasive...you’re being a good girlfriend and a good person. That’s part of what I love about you so much - your selflessness and your intense need to just...help people.”

You nod into his chest, hoping your tears weren’t dampening his bare skin. “Just let me know how I can help you. I’ll do anything.”

Bucky thinks on this for a moment before saying, “You’re right, ya’ know...about the nightmares. That’s what’s been keeping me awake these past few weeks...and I know that you know you’re right, I just feel like I have to admit it to you so that I can try and move on from them myself.”

You pull away from his chest, not caring anymore if he could see you crying. He knows you well enough at this point to probably assume you were crying, anyways. “Whatever you need to admit out loud...whatever you need to talk about. I’m here,” you assert with a strong voice. “I’m here,” you repeat quieter, moving your hand up to cup his cheek.

“You’re here,” Bucky whispers with a smile, nuzzling into your palm. His eyes flutter shut, and you hope he’s attempting to get some more sleep.

You aren’t naive enough to think that you can get rid of Bucky’s nightmares, but you and him both know that you’ll be there to talk them through with him when they occur next time - whenever that may be.

thank you for reading - i hope you enjoyed!! requests are open and welcome :)

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky #bucky x reader #tfatws #bucky imagine #bucky barnes imagine #bucky one shot #bucky barnes one shot #fluff #angst #imagine #one shot #reader insert #avengers imagine #avengers one shot #avengers x reader

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mysterious-dark-shadow · 3 years ago

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@da-at-ass is dead, long live @grimoire-of-geekery

I am normally a very private person. I believe I have said this several times on this blog by this point. I don’t like airing out dirty laundry for the court of public opinion to scrutinize. But this time, I need your help. Felix S Warren needs your help. You may have known him as @da-at-ass or @badoccultadvice or @felixswarren , but no longer. His blogs are gone. Years and years of writing from a published occult author, as well as many, many drawings from an accomplished artist & spirit worker, all gone. Without warning, and with no way to know how or why for sure (unless @staff actually responds to Felix’s inquiry).

So, all I’m left with is retrospection and divination. And both lead me to one source: Rune S Emerson, aka @grimoire-of-geekery, @thequeensword , and whatever side blogs he’s running now under the guise of RP and/or spirit work. Now, I will admit that I have a lot of personal enmity for Rune, and emotional appeals only work to convince someone to do something in the short term, but never leads to long term change. So, I will attempt to set my personal feelings aside, and share the facts that I have gathered over the 7 years that I have known Felix and the 5 I had known Rune, as well as my personal insights as a victim of relationship abuse, as documented in many, many posts on my blog.

I would also like to request that those who are reading this who are not Rune reserve judgment, as much as possible. He should have a chance at rebuttal. I would be very interested to read what he has to say, and since I am blocked by him, I cannot tag him directly. I, and Felix, have made posts in the past about his behavior, and his friends have jumped to his defense before he responded to anything, and I think he should have an opportunity to defend himself.

(Apologies in advance for the length of this post. I am on mobile, and have never been able to figure out how to add a “read more” on this app)

A bit of history to start:

I moved to Portland, Oregon in October of 2014. Alone, with one suitcase and my cat, to move in with a person that I had only met over the internet. I was desperate to leave my abusive husband, so I jumped at the opportunity to leave the East Coast behind and travel to the West Coast, where I’ve dreamed about living since I was a child. Unfortunately, he turned out to be an abusive person as well (which I have written about extensively), but the one bright spot in that horrible situation was meeting Felix, first online in December of 2014, and then after almost a year of missed connections, finally in person in October of 2015.

Felix was the kindest person I had ever met by that point, and throughout our friendship (and eventual relationship), he has never lost that distinction. He was also (as I would find out later) a rather well known occult blogger on tumblr. As someone who practiced magic in secret for many, many years, I was thrilled to finally have someone who I could talk with openly about magic, gods, spirits, and so many other aspects of the occult. And then when he told me he was going to introduce me to Rune Emerson, witch and tarot reader (and Felix’s boyfriend), while he was in town for NEWTS 2017, I was ecstatic.

I wore the best clothes I had, hand washing them in the sink so I wouldn’t have to ask my “boyfriend” for money for the laundry. I wore an oversized windbreaker that was gifted to me by a coworker, as it was March and very rainy and cold. I took public transit as far as I could go, and then walked over half a mile to the Monarch Hotel & Convention Center. And the first impression I got was Rune laughing with someone over my “potato sack” of a jacket, while Felix was nowhere to be found. I found out later that he had a massive migraine that whole day, but toughed it out in order to hang out once the sun went down.

I cannot recount how many times Rune belittled me during that day. From telling me I could sneak into a class because “no one will notice someone like you”, to ostentatiously kissing Felix in front of me when I was obviously uncomfortable with casual PDA, to showing off the expensive gifts Felix bought him while smirking at my empty hands and pockets, it seemed like he wanted to make sure that no one remembered me in a favorable light. Unfortunately, I wasn’t really able to talk about my experience with Rune to Felix directly, because my “boyfriend” decided to threaten suicide because I was late getting home and the closest store to us was closed. And that’s just one incident, out of many, where “happenstance” ensured my silence regarding Rune’s behavior. My personal embarrassment of my unfortunate circumstances; another, much more urgent matter; or even just physical or emotional fatigue.

And I can only conclude by this point that Rune has woven magic around himself to ensure it remain so. The more that Felix and I have talked about Rune’s past & present behavior, the worse our personal circumstances have gotten. Aside from Felix’s blog being gone, we have both had to quit our jobs (Felix permanently) and I have been unable to secure another, our mortgage is under review for foreclosure, our house had a sewage leak so bad there was liquid human waste coming out of the drains of the bathtubs, and we are having to rely on the generosity of friends & family to feed ourselves and our 3 cats. Anytime we have tried to start something that had the faintest chance of bringing in funds, we would run into problem after problem. All this happened within the last 2 years, ever since we said “I do” to each other, without Rune’s prior blessing and without his participation.

I am forced to conclude that Rune has cursed our marriage. And, since Felix & I both work with time magic, Rune has managed to insure he was the origin point of many, if not all, of the issues throughout our entire relationship. I was going to ask Felix if he was interested in dating me after his King’s Ride in 2015, but Rune “happened” to meet him in mid November and took away my chance. I was planning on talking with Felix about my feelings for him in September of 2018, but Rune pushed me to admit my feelings about Felix to him first while staging a “private intervention” regarding my abusive boyfriend. Any time I tried to do something romantic or heartfelt for Felix, Rune had either preemptively ruined it because I tried to involve him, or complained about it afterwards when I excluded him. I was hoping to kiss Felix on New Years of 2019, but Rune wanted us to celebrate New Years with him on Second Life, because his 3 husbands (who live in the same house as him, btw) were “not feeling it.”

On top of all my personal experience with Rune, I have also read through all the messages still accessible that were sent back and forth between him and Felix throughout their relationship, with Felix’s blessing. I have also received screenshots from his Patreon discord, where he has minimized my involvement in setting up and managing his discord, as well as making wildly inaccurate claims regarding Felix’s mental health and intentions towards him. I am not providing screenshots of private conversations without Felix’s express permission, and I refuse to discuss in detail most of what was said between them right now. I will say this: as a survivor of internet grooming & gaslighting by a “romantic” interest, I saw many reflections in my past experiences and the messages I was reading early on in Felix & Rune’s online conversations.

Based on my personal history with him, the conversations I’ve read between him and Felix from the start of their relationship in 2015 until Rune broke it off in 2020, and the way he and his “friend group” responded to our posts outlining some of his past behavior, I am forced to conclude that Rune is a master social manipulator and serial abuser, though his strengths lie in connections made or strengthened in person; and, to a lesser extent, one-on-one personal connections via the internet. He is a serial “regifter”, taking expensive presents given with good will, and either giving it to another when he thinks no one will notice, or demanding to know the price so he can give something of equal value. I watched as years of handcrafted gifts imbued with my personal form of helpful magic were intentionally misused or slowly disappeared from his “horde”. And every time I asked about one that had “gone missing”, I received rambling stories of someone who needed it more, or a sudden and deliberate change of conversation.

He demands that his friends pay for his Patreon lessons, then for his witchcraft classes, and his divination readings, and everything leads back to giving him more money, or gifts, or favors, or “hearts”. And if you are not paying enough, or gifting enough, he will harass you until you do. I have sent him at least $50 worth of Linden (Second Life’s currency) during the time I was with my physically, emotionally, and financially abusive ex-boyfriend; paid between $22-30 a month for his Patreon lessons for over a year and a half; made countless things with my own two hands when I did not have the money to give him anything from his wishlists; spent time and energy working behind the scenes to edit Circle of Salt podcast episodes when Felix was too burnt out to continue; and introduced Rune to the idea that he could set up a discord for his Patreon, as well as walked him through the process step-by-step when he was ready to start it up.

His response? I was berated when I missed a Patreon payment while I was moving out of my abusive ex’s house and into Felix’s. I was questioned when, after I started living with Felix, I was not putting anything in the packages Felix would send him. I was told that I had to pay full price for his witchcraft classes, but was able to include the costs of my many gifts, and the work I’ve done for “his podcast and Patreon”, to “reduce” the payment. I was harassed when a podcast episode wasn’t out “according to schedule”, while Felix was saying that “they weren’t releasing episodes a schedule”.

I was treated like an afterthought by Rune, unless he wanted something directly from me, or he was bored and no one more preferable was interacting with him. There were many times in our conversations, especially after I moved in with Felix, where it was obvious he expected me to become Felix’s maid/emotional caretaker so Rune wouldn’t be burdened by such things and could enjoy Felix’s affections freely. He would only message me first when he wasn’t getting a direct response from Felix within his timeframe (often within 5 minutes of sending the initial message to Felix), or when they had a fight so I could step in and “mediate like he and his husbands do for each other”.

He never treated my relationship with Felix as something separate and distinct from the polycule he was in, and would often lump me in with his “family”, while never asking me if I wanted to be included in the group in the first place. I never consented to being anything more than Rune’s friend, and the one time I tried to broach the topic of us becoming romantically involved, he declared that his romantic plate was full and that he “doesn’t date girls well.” (Btw, I was out as a masc-leaning non-binary person to Rune & Felix by this point).

So, to see that not only Rune, but the “friends” that Felix had while he was “tumblr famous”, spread lies about Felix (and probably got his blogs taken offline), the only person who has been unfalteringly kind to me, someone who had never known true kindness before that point, makes me so upset that I cannot even put it into words. And, though I cannot prove it, I know that Rune has been asking many people, both who know us and those who don’t, to cast baneful magic against us. For what reason, I cannot determine, and the tarot cards are silent. But I can guess that he is afraid of what we may say, based on his reactions on what we have already said, on tumblr and elsewhere.

(For anyone who has read this far, thank you. Please keep in mind that these are just my experiences, and that Rune has not publicly answered anything regarding this latest accusation against his character, as well as the other accusations that Felix and/or I have made, many of which can be found by scrolling down on my blog. As for a call to action, all I ask is that you reserve judgement until Rune responds, or makes it obvious he does not care to. If you want direct links to what I have posted previously, let me know in a reply to this post, and I will tag you when I am able to reblog it. I also ask for your patience, as Felix & I are dealing with a lot of IRL issues as well as online ones, and I may take a few days to reply.)

#tw abuse #I’m tired of being silenced by yet another abuser #this time via magic #I have nothing else to lose at this point #I want to know why

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baldwinboy5ive · 3 years ago

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A few scattered Hawk, Johnny, and Demetri thoughts and headcanons

How Hawk Will Atone in Season 4

This is a dumbass joke I shared this with some friends outside of tumblr, but I needed to save this for posterity, so I’m posting this here as well even though it’s hilariously outlandish. All because I saw this comment and couldn’t stop laughing about it:

But it turns out this conversation was happening at the same time as a discussion about Johnny’s and Demetri’s heights, and I pointed out Demetri is actually taller. We were talking about how, especially after critiquing Kreese’s tattoo, Demetri needs to insult Terry as well. Demetri goes up against Terry Silver, annoys the shit out of him, calls the earring tacky, you know - just Demetri doing his little Demetri things, hahaha. Then Hawk swoops in, swiping a sharpened sai from the Cobra Kai dojo wall - Stingray pops out of nowhere just to remind everyone that it’s Raphael’s weapon - and Hawk brandishes it over Terry Silver. It probably looks something like the imagery on the Narmer Palette, which shows the king grasping the head of a conquered enemy by the hair, and raising a mace in the other hand to strike him with, a picture of complete dominance.

Hawk then leaps at Terry and slices the sai across his neck offscreen. (I recall it was @phoomwhoosh who reminded me that the hawk screech sound effect has to be played here, as well.) Next thing you see is Hawk victoriously brandishing the ponytail and yelling in triumph, holding it up for everyone to see, and all of the other students cheering him on, with Terry slumped on the ground, defeated and humiliated.

Hawk goes up to Daniel-san, reverently lays the ponytail at his feet, and says with a bow, “For atonement, for what I did to your dojo, and for stealing your sensei’s Medal of Honor.”

Daniel: “........................ you did fucking what now”

“Babes means babes.”

“Babes” is gender-neutral. I love the notion of bisexual-even-if-he-doesn’t-even-know-that-word Johnny Lawrence just calling any hot person a babe. He thinks Daniel LaRusso’s a babe. He told Hawk at Valley Fest that the flashiest way to show off the board breaking was to “pull the hottest babe onstage and make them hold it” (Hawk listened).

Daniel: “Johnny, when you constantly say that you hooked up with plenty of ‘babes,’ do you mean men and women, or -?”

Johnny: “Babes means babes, LaRusso, don’t be weird about it.”

Just Hawk

Not sure if this is just another dumb joke of mine or a realistic headcanon, but I say Johnny doesn’t actually know Hawk’s real name. Maybe this is realistic, though? Which is sad. I mean, he ignored that kid so much. And I genuinely think it might actually be possible that Johnny never had a single kid fill out paperwork, and only Kreese had them do it once he stepped in (he mentioned Tory’s) and took care of administrative things like paying Johnny’s bills and the like. (Oddly enough, Johnny does know Demetri’s name. Not sure why, but he does.)

Speaking of names:

The Assassination of Eli Moskowitz by the Coward Demetri Nolastname

Really, most of the things I desperately want for season 4 are not going to happen, so I’ll just lower all my expectations and just wish for this one single thing: please give us Demetri’s last name. I need to know it!

Important note: I do not think of Demetri as an actual coward, this is just the same damn dumbass joke I’ve been recycling for years now, starting from way back when I said “The Assassination of Greedo the Rodian by the Coward Han Solo.”

And a tangent: I’ve never even seen that movie, but after hearing Martin Kove talk so much about his love for Westerns I’m kind of interested, haha.

Demetri’s Future

This one comes straight from @idontknowkaratebutiknowcrazy and I love it so much that I have majorly latched onto it: Demetri becomes a standup comic when he’s a little older. The credit for this idea goes fully to her! And it truly is an amazing idea. @idontknowkaratebutiknowcrazy also suggested Demetri becoming a comic book creator, which I also love so much, but he could be both! Because whatever he ends up doing, he can definitely do standup on the side. And, man, I just rewatched The Assassination of Eli Moskowitz by the Coward Demetri Nolastname (again: not actually a coward) and his delivery is SMOOTH as silk. He’s so good. And obviously very engaging with the crowd.

If only I could write fics, I’d love to write this one: Demetri starts finding some success after awhile, and his binary boyfriend Eli attends some of his sets, and they both watch a lot of other comics because of Demetri being in that world now. Some of them kill, some of them bomb, and some are just average. Demetri does all three, sometimes all in the same night. Eventually, Demetri has a big night where he headlines a show, and a bunch of their friends come, along with their senseis. Demetri spends a good portion of his set roasting Sensei Lawrence. (The man spent years listening to and following orders from a dude with an inaccurate cobra tattoo, for crying out loud - round pupils, REALLY.) Sensei LaRusso loves it. Eli’s so proud of how well Demetri did in his headline show, but because Sensei Lawrence was in attendance too, Eli says to everyone else later: “I’ve never seen someone kill that hard, and then be killed that hard after the show.”

Hawk’s Just a Simple Man, Trying to Make His Way in the Dojo

Hawk’s trying to figure himself out. He has a bit of an identity crisis when he’s in the transition period between Cobra Kai and Eagle Fang/Miyagi-Do/Whatever the Fuck, and is still figuring out who he is, and whether or not he still does or does not like Nerd Shit. Even more confusing is: does Star Wars count as Nerd Shit? It’s pretty nerdy, yeah, but is it really Nerd Shit when it’s so popular and almost everyone watches at least the main movies?

And Johnny was really at the actual perfect age for watching Star Wars when it came out. Look, I don’t care how much the guy rewatches Iron Eagle on a loop, Star Wars was a cultural juggernaut when it happened (and never went away) and - really, I don’t care who you are, Star Wars is for everybody. I’m even hearing Johnny’s voice in the bit where he goes “It doesn’t matter if you’re a freak, or a nerd, or a loser... all that matters is that you become badass!”

It DOESN’T matter! It doesn’t matter if you’re a freak, a cool popular kid, a loser, a weirdo, a nerd, a normal everyday average joe, or anything at all really - you can watch and like Star Wars, haha.

Sure, maybe Johnny didn’t watch many, if any at all, of the movies past the original trilogy, but here’s another headcanon. He really enjoyed at least the OT, and once Hawk and Demetri find out, it starts to crack at the walls Hawk put up around himself about all the Nerd Shit. He still isn’t sure whether it’s okay to like Star Wars because it’s cool, or whether it’s okay to like Star Wars because he really is still into all that nerd shit... but then Hawk eventually comes to terms with all of it by realizing that it doesn’t actually matter what kind of labels get put on all of this. After all, Sensei Lawrence doesn’t care that much, despite how much he throws words like “loser” around. To him, it was just a cool movie. (Later, when Hawk gets much more comfortable in his own skin, then he can enjoy the truly nerdy shit like Clone Wars and Rebels ahahaah.)

So far, they didn’t really do too many of these kinds of training exercises on the show, but Mr. Miyagi blindfolded Julie Pierce and trained her to use her other senses. Perhaps Daniel got some of that training off-screen too, and begins to teach it to the students. They all start with a kata and blocking drills with their eyes closed. Hawk has some trouble at first, and it’s actually Johnny who says “If you keep opening your eyes, I’m gonna come over there and put a bucket on your head like Obi-Wan did to Luke. And we used that bucket for washing the cars for like the hundredth time.”

“Sensei, you know Star Wars?!” Hawk says incredulously.

And then it’s everyone else who’s incredulous: who the fuck doesn’t know Star Wars?

And that’s how that all began.

#cobra kai hawk #johnny lawrence #cobra kai #eli moskowitz #cobra kai demetri

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dreamescapeswriting · 4 years ago

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BTS Reaction | You’re Sensitive [Request]

Seokjin:

"It was just a joke!" Jin said as you sat in the living room of your shared apartment trying not to cry. You were staring at the wall trying to distract your mind from what he'd said, you were counting the Artex lines that were along the wall to keep your mind busy but it wasn't working. His words were still seeping into your brain and making you want to burst into tears.

"It isn't a joke Jin, it hurt." You mumbled back to him and he just stared at you, he knew you were sensitive to things but he had no idea you were this sensitive to everything. He'd only made a small comment about you spending so much time with Hoseok,

'If you love Hoseok so much why don't you just go and be with him' that was it. That's all it was and yet here you were crying about it on the sofa like a giant baby.

"It was how you said it, do you really think I love him like that? Do you think I'd leave you to go and be with someone else, is that how little you think of me?" Jin scoffed at you and threw his hands up into the air, he was having enough of having to walk around eggshells on you.

"You're so fucking overly sensitive! I can't make one joke without you crying about it!" The words left his mouth before he could process them and your eyes filled with tears as soon as you heard him,

"Well if I'm such a problem, why do you even stay with me?!" You yelled at him finally having enough of being called sensitive all the time, it was always that you were 'sensitive' you 'couldn't take a joke' when some of the things he said were just plain hurtful to you. You threw down the pillow you'd been clutching and pushed past him to go upstairs to the room, you weren't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry over one of the comments he'd made.

"Y/n wait!" You slammed and locked the bedroom door so he couldn't follow you inside but he stood there banging on it trying to get you to listen to him.

"I'll stay here all night if I have to." You laid on the bed pulling one of the pillows over your ears so you wouldn't have to listen to him.

(X)

Something banging on the bedroom window woke you up and you sat bolt upright scared someone was trying to break into the house, you went to wake Jin up when you remembered you'd locked him out of the bedroom.

"Can you let me in before someone calls the police please," You heard him groan from outside the window and you got up rushing over to the balcony window to see him standing on the small ledge.

"How did you get up here and why?" You opened the door and he climbed through and stood in front of you,

"I went out to get your favourite chocolates to say sorry with and I forgot my keys, we usually leave our balcony door unlocked so I thought if I climbed up here and came in it wouldn't be bad but then the door was locked." You giggled at him and noticed he was shivering so you walked over to the bed and grabbed one of the many blankets you had on the bed.

"Here, you're freezing." You pouted wrapping it around his shoulders and sitting him on the edge of the bed,

"I'm sorry I said what I said, I didn't mean it." You shook your head and snuggled down next to him trying to warm him up.

"I don't mean to be sensitive Jin, it's just the way I am...I'll learn to takes jokes and not cry about everything, I promise." He wrapped his arm around you and you squealed at how cold his skin was against yours.

"And I promise to lighten up on the jokes." You smiled and looked up at him,

"I love you but can you get your arm off me, you're frozen." He cocked his head to the side,

"I'm cold? I hadn't noticed." He moved his hands and put them up the back of your shirt making you scream out as his freezing cold hands came into contact with your warm body.

"JIN!" You cried out trying to get away from him but he kept his grasp on you.

Yoongi:

"Baby we were supposed to go out over an hour ago," You ran your hands over Yoongi's shoulders but he hadn't moved. He'd promised to take you out to dinner but here you were still sitting in his studio and waiting for him to move.

"Give me five more minutes," You rolled your eyes and sat on the sofa looking at him from behind, you loved how hard he worked but you wanted to go out and spend time with your boyfriend before he left for tour.

"You said that 45 minutes ago," You mumbled not expecting him to hear you but he did,

"Look I'm busy!" You stared at him as he raised his voice at you which wasn't something he did very often because he knew that you were a little sensitive when it came to yelling and fighting.

"Look, now you're going to start crying like the big baby you are!" He yelled again not meaning for his words to come out so harsh but he was behind on work and if he didn't have the song he was working on finished he would be in big trouble with everyone. Your eyes filled with tears as he turned away from you and back to his work.

"If you're gonna cry like you always do, be quiet about it," He mumbled not turning around to face you if he had he would have seen you quietly leaving the room and going home where you could be alone to cry about what he'd said. You don't know why you were sensitive like this but you'd always been that way, whenever someone would yell at you or give you a dirty look you would just be overwhelmed with emotions and start crying. Even when you brothers would try to pick fights, you'd just end up crying and locking yourself away.

(X)

Yoongi got in late that night and expected to find you in the bedroom but you weren't there, your clothes and shoes were all still in the house so he knew you had to be somewhere.

"Jagi?" He pushed the spare bedroom door open and found you curled up on the bed with one of his shirts on, he hadn't meant to hurt your feelings. He made his way into the room and picked you up from the bed carrying you into your shared bedroom,

"What are you doing?" You grumbled as he laid you down on the bed, he stripped off into his boxers and climbed in behind.

"I'm not going to sleep without you." You were tense beside him and he knew you were mad about what he had said but he also knew you weren't going to say anything because it wasn't like you to bring things back up.

"I'm sorry about what I said, I didn't mean to call you a big baby...I'm just stressed out and the song was late." He felt you relax a little as he spoke and explained everything.

"You should have told me it was late, I would have stopped bothering you." He shook his head and put his head in your neck kissing your skin softly as he started to drift off to sleep.

Hoseok:

You were in the dance studio with all of the boys you and Hoseok had planned to have a relaxing day of dancing and spending time to one another but it had slowly transitioned into all of you competing to see who could do the best dance moves.

"Y/n is the better dancer Hobi," Jimin joked looking at Hoseok as he was bent over panting and sweating heavily you shook your head at Jimin and ignored him but he continued to go on. Then he started to flirt with you in front of Hoseok and you could tell that Hobi was getting annoyed with but it was no big deal, Jimin flirted with you all of the time. It was Jimin, he flirted with everybody all of the time.

"You always let him do that," Hoseok said when the boys left you alone to go and get some lunch.

"What?" You laughed wiping your face on a towel and looking over at Hobi but he wasn't laughing, he looked mad.

"You always flirt with him, are you guys going behind my back or something?!" You knew he was angry but he had no right to accuse you of cheating on him with one of his best friends.

"Hobi, me nad Jimin...We're just friends." You said to him but he couldn't see past the fact that Jimin was flirting with you openly in front of him,

"So you just flirt with all of my friends? Are you sleeping with them all?" You ignored him because you knew he was just upset over Jimin, he didn't mean anything he was saying.

"Well!? Are you!?" His voice was louder than before and it made you tear up as he yelled at you, you ran out of the room without grabbing anything and bumped into Jimin who laughed when he saw you tearing up.

"Awe baby is crying, what's up did Hoseok start yelling about the dance being wrong?" You burst into tears and ran down the hall ignoring their pleas for you to come back and talk to them.

"I didn't mean it!" Jimin screamed but you were already out of the building and into the parking lot...With no keys because you'd left everything in the dance studio.

(X)

It was late by the time you got home, Hoseok had been worried sick since the moment he got home and you weren't there.

"Where have you been? I've been calling you," You stared up at him as he stopped you from walking away from him.

"I left my keys and phone at the building,"

"So...You just decided to walk home instead of coming back in." You shrugged your shoulders as if it was no big deal that it was midnight and you'd only just come in.

"I've been worried sick." You stared at him and felt bad that he was worried but at the same time, a part of you was still mad at him for yelling and accusing you of cheating on him.

"I didn't mean it, I know what I said was hurtful-"

"It wasn't you that made me not want to go back in...It was the boys. Jimin made a joke about me being a baby and I didn't want to go back in." He nodded, Jimin had told him what he said jokingly to you but Hoseok knew just as well as you did that you were overly sensitive about things, it was just the way you were wired.

"How about we go up to bed, I take the day off tomorrow and we spend all day together?" You nodded at his suggestion and yawned feeling tired from dancing all day and then the long walk home that you had.

Namjoon:

It was a small fight that had spread over the span of three days, it wasn't a big deal you were just fighting over something stupid and immature but it was still a fight.

"You want something to eat?" You asked Namjoon as you walked into his studio with Jin behind you. You were fighting but you still had to make sure he was taking care of himself and eating properly.

"You could fucking knock you now," He grumbled at you not even turning around from his desk, you were used to the comments from him by now but it still hurt whenever he swore in your direction.

"Just answer the question, food? Yes or no," He rolled his eyes at you and went to turn around but span too quickly on his chair and knocked a glass flying your direction. It smashed against the floor and he started yelling about how it was your fault,

"I wasn't even on that side of the room," You laughed about it but Namjoon didn't find any of it funny.

"It's not funny! Why do you think everything is funny? You're always the first to laugh when something like this happens but the moment you break something you sit and cry like a child about it! Explain that one to me." You dropped the shards of glass you'd been cleaning up and stared at him, tears already beginning to form in your eyes from the comment he had made.

"There you go again! Crying! Always fucking crying, do you have any idea how pathetic you look?" You stood up from the floor and pushed past Jin who had been watching the whole event unfold,

"Dude!" Jin said to Namjoon who was still cleaning up the glass instead of focusing on how much he'd hurt your feelings.

(x)

Namjoon found you a couple of hours later sitting in one of the empty studios on your phone,

"What do you want?" You questioned not tearing your eyes away from the screen, there was nothing of interest there but you didn't want to go running to Namjoon now he was back.

"I didn't mean what I said, you're not pathetic...You're just sensitive and I should have been nicer about it, you were only trying to help me." You nodded along with him and he sat down beside you on the sofa, lifting your head up to lay it on his lap.

"I've just been so preoccupied with the album that I pushed you away and you were trying to make sure I stayed healthy, I'm sorry." You smiled softly up at him and he bent down to kiss your forehead.

"Is the offer for food still on the table? Because I would love to have some of that Thai food you had the other day." He whispered to you as you stared up at him,

"You're buying then." You joked sitting up and searching for the menu online, he kissed your cheek and stared at you while you concentrated. He knew he was lucky to have you and he was going to have to start being nicer whenever you fought, he hated seeing you upset and hated being the cause of it.

Jimin:

You were all just sitting in the dorms playing the new Mario Kart game that had been realised and it was your fourth try. You were all taking it in turns to go against Namjoon who was the undefeated champion of the dorms but you lost again.

"Too bad Y/n," Jungkook sighed taking the controller from your hands to start another round with Namjoon. You'd all been playing for the last hour and it had been fun until JImin made a side comment,

"Don't say that Jungkook she might start crying." Your breath hitched in your throat but you kept your eyes forward pretending not to have heard him. You and Jimin had never gotten along and he'd made it clear from the moment Jungkook brought you around to hang out that he didn't like you.

"That's a little harsh..." Hoseok whispered to Jimin, both of them thought they were good at whispering but you could hear every word they were saying to one another.

"It's true, Jungkook told me she cries whenever someone yells at her." Jimin laughed and you slowly got up from the floor excusing yourself and rushing off in the direction of the dorms bathroom. Jimin scoffed and turned to Hoseok,

"Told you. She's just too sensitive for everything."

(X)

An hour later there was a knock on the bathroom door but you stayed silent since you weren't in the bathroom, you'd snuck into Jungkook's bedroom so that you could cry alone for a little while. You always thought Jimin hated you because somewhere deep down he liked you but he made it clear that night that it wasn't true.

"Y/n?" It was his voice, you wiped your face quickly and opened Jungkook's door.

"I'm not in there, it's fine." You kept your gaze at the floor so he wouldn't see that you'd been crying but he walked over to you and looked at you.

"The boys have gone to dinner, I wasn't hungry and they sort of forgot you were here...Do you want me to order something for you?" You shook your head and looked at the time.

"I should go. Tell Jungkook I said-" He grabbed onto your hand and you felt a tingle rushed through your body and your heart began to race as he held you in place.

"Look, I didn't mean what I said earlier...I was being mean and I didn't have a right to be." You shook your head telling him it was no big deal but he wouldn't let go of you yet.

"You're always mean to me Jimin, no big deal." He realised that he had been mean to you ever since the first day he met you but he didn't mean to be.

"I'm mean because I don't know how to deal with the emotions you make me feel." Your eyes looked up into his for the first time that night and he sighed seeing how bloodshot yours were.

"Let me order us something to eat and we can talk about this. The last time I ever wanted to do was hurt your feelings," He placed his hand on your cheek and used his thumb to wipe away from of the tear stains that were there.

"Let me make it up to you." He begged and you nodded at him,

"I am kind of hungry I guess." He chuckled and pulled you towards the kitchen - with his hand still locked in yours - where all of the take out menus were kept.

Taehyung:

You couldn't even remember how all of this had started, you could just remember Taehyung yelling at you and then all of the boys making a joke about how you were going to go home and cry about it. They all knew that you cried whenever someone yelled, broke something or said something in a mean way to you but you never would have thought they would joke about it as they had. You'd pretended not to be bothered by their comments but as the night went on they seemed to get worse with it, making jokes about you crying over spilt milk, crying because you couldn't get your own way until Jungkook ended up knocking over a glass and watching it shatter.

"Queue the waterworks in 5...4...3...2...1." You got up from the sofa and stormed off in the direction of Taehyung's bedroom, you thought your boyfriend would have defended you against them but it hadn't happened. You laid on the bed trying not to cry, you didn't want to be overly sensitive about things but it was just the way you worked, you'd always been this way even as a kid.

"Think we hurt their feelings?" Jin asked looking over at Taehyung who was staring off after you,

"Yeah. I'll go and check on them." He got up from the sofa and went to the bedroom, he knocked but you didn't answer him. You just pretended to be asleep when he walked through the door, you didn't want him or the others to see that you'd been crying form their comments.

(X)

"The boys didn't mean it, you know that right." Taehyung had come back to his room a couple of hours later when he realised you weren't going to come out and you hadn't been asleep.

"It still hurt...I know It was a joke but it's-"

"I'll talk to them tomorrow about it, I should have said something tonight but I thought you would find it funny." You snuggled your head into his chest and he kissed the top of your head softly, running his hands up and down your back as he tried to get you to fall asleep beside him.

"I don't mean to be overly sensitive Tae," You yawned as you finished your sentence and he pulled you closer to him wanting to make sure you were okay with one another before you went to sleep. He never wanted to fight with you and go to bed angry, it wasn't good or healthy for a relationship.

"Shh, it's alright. I'll talk to them and I'll get them to stop, I promise." You thanked him and closed your eyes as he rubbed your lower back trying to get you to drift off in his arms.

Jungkook:

It was stupid to fight over something so small, it was literally a fight over a video game. You'd mentioned you felt he was ignoring you since the new update to the video game Jungkook played so much had come out and he called you a needy baby which resulted in you crying and him continuing to call you over-sensitive and needy.

"If I'm so needy don't talk to me then!" Was the last thing you'd said to him before ignoring him all day but it hadn't worked out. He was so into his game he hadn't even noticed you were ignoring him because he wasn't talking to you.

"Mmm Jagi, what are you cooking?" You stood over the oven ignoring him even as he wrapped his arms around your waist and kissed your cheek. Now whatever the game he was playing on was over he wanted to know you? You weren't going to give him the attention he wanted. You moved away and plated up your food before going to eat in the living room.

"Are you ignoring me?" You stared at the TV as the new show you were binging played and he stood in front of you so you moved around him to see.

"Hey! What did I do?" He questioned turning the TV off so you would answer him or at least give him some kind of recognition.

"Hmm I don't know Jungkook, maybe I'm just being sensitive and needy." You mumbled putting down the full plate of food and going to the staircase but he grabbed onto your wrist to stop you from moving.

"Jungkook let go of me, I'm not in the mood." You whispered but he continued to hold onto your arm until you looked at him.

"I didn't mean it, I was just being a dick because of the game..." You looked at him and you could tell he meant he was sorry but it didn't make it hurt you any less.

"I'll make it up to you, no video games all weekend and I'll even watch that new show you've been watching," He promised you and you walked closer to him,

"From the start?" You giggled looking up at him as he rolled his eyes and nodded.

"From the start." He confirmed before grunting as you pulled him back into the living room and gave him a run down on what the show was all about.

Tagline:

@writingdreamsnottragedies @yoongisdumplingcheeks @snowy-meowl @lynnthevirgo @jooniesdarlingdimples @fan-ati--c @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @callingmyangel @rjsmochii @btsiguess-kpop @kneel-begyourpardon @taestannie

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letterboxd · 3 years ago

Photo

Siren Song.

Undine writer-director Christian Petzold talks to Reyzando Nawara about modern-day mermaids, Tinder culture and finding the magic in life.

“Love stories always change. A kiss in Berlin 1933, for example, is not gonna be the same kiss in Berlin today, right?” —Christian Petzold

“If you leave me, then I’ll have to kill you.” Undine’s threat to her soon-to-be ex-boyfriend Johannes, after he has told her that he has met someone else, seems at first like an over-the-top reaction to the breakup. But it is a curse that Undine must fulfill, for she will become human only when she falls in love with a man who is doomed to die if he is unfaithful to her.

From Splash to Ponyo to The Lure to Song of the Sea, mythical water spirits, usually female, sometimes horse, have powered many film plots. The sixteenth-century European myth of Undine, in particular, lies behind many screen adaptations of Hans Christian Andersen’s The Little Mermaid, though the Danish writer was not the first to popularize the fairytale in his century. Decades earlier, around 1811, Friedrich de la Motte Fouqué of Germany had produced his romantic novella, Undine.

And it is to Germany—specifically modern-day Berlin—that writer-director (and fellow German) Christian Petzold transports Undine in his contemporary magical-realist take on the myth. There, she does not take the form of a mermaid or siren, but a beautiful young woman (played by Paula Beer), who works as a historian at a museum, where she guides tours of Berlin’s architecture and its reconstruction. The breathtaking cinematography, by regular Petzold collaborator Hans Fromm, crystallizes both the romance and the beauty of Berlin, while Petzold’s leads root every scene in reality, even as aquariums explode and giant catfish drift past.

Paula Beer and Franz Rogowski fire up the streets of Berlin in ‘Undine’.

Water may be the dominant element in Undine, but Beer and her co-star Franz Rogowski bring fire to their scenes together. Where Beer brings charisma and intensity to the titular role, Rogowski, as Undine’s new love interest, an industrial diver named Christoph, offers charm and sweetness.

In the frenzy of Parasite’s world domination, it is easy to forget that Petzold’s previous feature, Transit, appeared in two of our 2019 Year in Review lists—the 50 highest-rated films and the highest-rated international films—and was one of the top romance films of the 2010s. His riveting Phoenix is still his highest-rated film on the platform—one of many to center a complex female character in search of love at a time of personal and/or political crisis. In Undine, Petzold does it again, a welcome departure from other adaptations, including the Colin Farrell-starring Irish romantic drama Ondine (2009), that have mostly told the myth from the perspective of its male characters. Petzold also revises the fairytale, by giving Undine a chance to try to emancipate herself from her curse.

We recently had the pleasure of speaking with Petzold about his fascination with water, the magic of Berlin history, modern dating and of course, his ongoing collaboration with Beer and Rogowski.

Spoiler warning: this conversation contains plot details regarding the ending of Petzold’s film ‘Transit’ (2018).

Your movie is inspired by the myth of Undine, but you reinvent it by giving it some modern twists. How did the main narrative for the film come about? Christian Petzold: I think the idea of the story first came to me around twenty years ago when I had a project in Germany. It was together with Claire Denis and also Kathryn Bigelow, and everybody had to make a ten-minute short film for a project based on the museum near the Rhine River. I had written a little dialogue—oh, by the way, Steve McQueen was also part of the project—and it was the scene that we can see in the movie in the first few minutes where Undine’s boyfriend, Johannes, said that he doesn’t love her anymore and that he wants to leave her and she said to him, “If you leave me, then I’ll have to kill you.” Then she goes back to work, and later when she comes back to try to find him again, he isn’t there—so she knows that she has to kill him now.

Then when I made Transit with Paula Beer and Franz Rogowski, I told them after a very lucky and happy time of shooting, that I had written a short story and wanted to make a 90-minute feature movie out of it together with them. I wanted to keep working and making movies with them because we’ve had an amazing experience together in Transit. This was basically the start of how the movie and my collaboration with these two actors came about.

Paula and Franz are actors who didn’t come from the basic German acting school; their backgrounds are dance and theater. But they both have so much curiosity about cinema—when I met Paula for the first time, for example, she told me that she had bought 50 movies by Alfred Hitchcock and wanted to see all of them, and to me, this is the best kind of school to learn about cinema.

So to some extent, Undine is a spiritual sequel to Transit? Yes, you’re right. It has so many things to do with Transit. Marie, Paula’s character in Transit, finds her own death in the sea—she’s drowned. And Franz’s character, he’s waiting at the land, hoping that she may come back from the land of the dead. So I said to them, “Okay, the next movie is gonna be about a woman coming out of the sea and going to the land to search for love and also about this young man who is a diver, who is going underwater, to find love as well.” So to some degree, it’s a sequel, you’re right.

Beer and Ragowski in ‘Transit’ (2018).

You mentioned earlier that you had a great experience working with Paula and Franz in Transit. Can you tell us what it was about these two actors that you thought would capture the story you wanted to tell in Undine? Paula is a very young actor—she was 23 when we started Transit, and she was around 24 when we made Undine—but when you’re filming her, she has this ability to make her characters much more mature beyond her real age. In one second, she’s 45 years old, with a whole experience of someone who’s had a hard life and has gone through so many bad things, then one second later, she’s thirteen and innocent. And to have that kind of ability—to go from one point to another—is just really fascinating to me. I’ve never seen other actors do this before in my life.

Franz was a dancer, and if I remember correctly, I think he was also in a clown school for a circus, so he can do everything with his body. It’s unbelievable what he can do. He has this amazing physicality that I admire and haven’t seen before in other German actors. When they’re together sharing a scene, they dance with each other. And this is the thing that I like so much about them and the thing I need in Undine, because I need actors who can float from one scene to another as if they’re dancing underwater.

In literature and pop culture, the myth of Undine has been mostly told from the male perspective. You reframe the narrative, to give Undine the opportunity to maybe emancipate herself from both the male figure in her life and the curse. Tell me more about that choice. Two or three years ago, I had a retrospective in New York, and I had the chance to see some of my previous movies again—[laughing] I’ve actually never done it before, revisiting my own movies. And at that time, I realized that I’ve always tried to rewrite the stories centering on women, which were made by men in the ’40s, ’50s, ’60s and ’70s, from another perspective: the perspective of the women.

When I was in Venice for the first time, Claude Chabrol [was] in the same hotel as me, and he had a Q&A. I wanted to say hi and tell him how great he was but I couldn’t do it because I was very young and too shy for those things. I heard what he said when asked why in his movies, the women are always the main characters. His answer was, “Men are living, women are surviving. And cinema is about surviving.” It was such a fantastic answer.

All the movies I [have] made, including Undine, are about surviving. Undine wanted to survive her curse—she tries to, every time, since centuries ago. In so many iterations of the myth, Undine always has to go back into the lake and to the life the curse has set for her. I really wanted to zoom in on that, to liberate the character of Undine from the myth and the curse.

In the movie, Undine works as an historian at a museum, and in her tours, she talks about Berlin’s architecture and its reconstruction throughout the years. How is this related to the romantic aspect of the movie? Everybody says you can take a love story and put it in the sixteenth century or the nineteenth century, and it’s always gonna be the same kind of love story. But I think that’s not entirely right. Love stories always change. A kiss in Berlin 1933, for example, is not gonna be the same kiss in Berlin today, right? Therefore I want to take the historical aspect of Berlin architecture and its reconstruction to tell the story of two young people in Berlin nowadays, to see the evolution of both this love story and the myth of Undine itself.

What’s the significance of all the buildings Undine mentions in the movie? The buildings serve a very important role in the movie because Berlin is between two rivers on an island, and the city is built on dried-out swamps, so the element that Undine is coming from, which is the water, is destroyed in Berlin. It doesn’t exist anymore. And therefore Undine doesn’t have any habitats, so she has no choice but to adapt and to live on the land.

In some way, I always think that the modernization in Berlin erases history, and when there’s no history, there’s no magic, which means magical creatures like Undine won’t exist. That was the main idea of the architectural elements in the movie.

Is that also the reason why there are two locations in the movie: Berlin, and the small town where Franz’s character, Christoph, works and lives, which is still full of swamps? To show that in this small town, magic still exists? That’s a good question. The romance and the myth of Undine is a part of German and European history. It’s a unique enchantment. But in Berlin, where modernization and civilization keep growing and changing, there’s no enchantment anymore. So I want to show how in this small town where everything is still kept as closely natural as possible, the enchantment and the charm of Germany are still there.

There’s a beautiful and romantic poem by Joseph Eichendorff that says, “You must find the right world, so everything can sync again.” To me, that line encourages us to find the magic of the world back. We live in this world surrounded by retro buildings and retro behavior and retro music, but it’s all actually just an illusion of magic. The real magic, that’s something that we have to find—either by movies or camera positions or poems or even by preserving the naturality of a city. And the Undine myth actually has a lot to do with this.

Another thing that fascinates me about the movie is how the dynamic between Undine and Johannes, in some way, reflects the state of modern dating. Is this something that you also wanted to capture when you wrote the script? [Laughing] Funny story, when Paula read the script for the first time, she told me that she liked it so much because the story reminded her of Tinder and modern dating. And on some level, it’s true; part of Undine is about modern dating. I always think that in the era of dating apps, everything gets much simpler—you meet someone, you have sex (or perhaps not), and if you feel like this someone is not handsome or beautiful enough for you, you can keep scrolling until you find someone new. So, dating right now is like going to the supermarket.

Johannes leaving Undine to be with another woman, who for him is better-looking than Undine, reflects the culture of Tinder. And the line I mentioned earlier, “If you leave me, then I’ll have to kill you,” is the opposite of that kind of dating life. And Paula, who hates Tinder, loves that line a lot. Some of the actors are on Tinder, I’m sure, and that’s understandable. Actors are sometimes very lonely because for six to eight weeks, they are deep inside of a character, and when they’re on break, they’re in some sort of “black hole of loneliness”.

Writer-director Christian Petzold.

Undine being a water nymph, of course, makes the water element very important in this movie. But water has actually been heavily featured in some of your previous features as well, like in Yella, Barbara and Transit. Can you tell us why you find water fascinating? I’ve seen a documentary by Agnès Varda, and in [it] she said, “The place where one element is touching one another is the place where cinema builds its stories.” That’s why she loved the beach, because on the beach, there’s water and there’s the earth and there’s also wind, and they’re touching each other. So to her, the beach is the perfect place where you can tell a story.

For me, however, the reason I like featuring water or the other elements in most of my movies is because it has something to do with seeing my characters coming from one element then going to the other elements; to see them act and react in a new and sometimes uncomfortable place. Also, when you see pictures or paintings, so many of them are about people looking deep into the sea. I always feel like that kind of painting is actually about a desire. And most of my movies, at [their] core, are about desire. That’s why water is so important to me. Deep under the water, there’s the place of desire.

What’s the first movie that made you want to become a filmmaker? The first movie I loved very much as a kid was The Jungle Book, but the first movie that made me want to become a filmmaker was by Alfred Hitchcock, The 39 Steps. I was fourteen or fifteen years old when I saw the movie for the first time, and I loved it from the first moment. The movie is about a man and a woman who are bound by handcuffs, and they don’t like each other, but because they’re on the run, they have to communicate and come to an understanding. And the love story starts because of that communication, not because of looks, and I love the movie so much for that reason.

If you could program a double feature with Undine, what movie would you pick? Good question. I would say The Night of the Hunter. Also maybe Creature from the Black Lagoon or 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea or The Son’s Room by Nanni Moretti. These are the movies that I would recommend for a double feature with Undine.

Related content

More ‘Little Mermaid’ adaptations: a list by Katherine

Paula Beer strolling around towns cinematic universe

Diogo’s mega-list of Mermaids in Film

Horror’s History with Scary Mermaids: a Bloody Disgusting list

Follow Reyzando on Letterboxd

‘Undine’ is in theaters and available on VOD in the US now.

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libsterslobsters · 4 years ago

Text

The Wanton Song

Summary: How do you broach the topic of sex with the 90-something super soldier you've found yourself dating? That's the reader's question. Luckily, she and Bucky are no strangers to awkward conversations...

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x fem!enhanced! Reader

(Reader can see bits and pieces of the future in visions and understands all languages)

Warnings: SMUT, tiny bit of angst, lotsa fluff, maybe some past dub!con if you squint

Author's note: Wow... here I am posting smut on the internet. Never thought that would happen. Tmi, but I'm married, so I have a good amount of sex 🙀 and I actually had a great first time, but some people don't, and that's what I tried to represent. That, and CONSENT!!!! Consent is sexy, y'all. Safe, sane and consensual all day every day.

As always, the reader's name isn't stated so that you can read as a self insert, but I've written so much at this point that I refer to the Reader as Violet in my own mind.

*************************************************

Life has been going swimmingly these past few months. Better than ever before in fact, or at the very least, better than in a long time. She’s still a fugitive, living life looking over her shoulder, but now she has a steady job, a steady paycheck, and oh yeah, a steady boyfriend. Those three things have never aligned for her before (especially the last one). Overall, she’s pretty happy. But, because she’s her, there’s still a question niggling at the back of her mind.

The transition from “you’re my only friend” to “we’re together now” went smoothly, helped in part by the fact that Barnes had been at that particular juncture the whole time. From the outside looking in, the only major changes have been the addition of those three simple but very key words and an upping the anti in the cuddles department.

Speaking of cuddles, that’s a very mild term for what’s going on these days. It starts out innocent enough. The usual location is on the couch at one or the other’s apartment. There hadn’t been much distance between them since that first time where they ended up talking more than watching the movie playing from her laptop, but now, the space is nonexistent. As a general rule, within the first ten minutes, her legs somehow end up over his lap or in some way intertwined with is. The intention is always to pay attention to what’s on the screen but, well, when you’re that close, it would be rude not to snuggle up. And, when the other person looks that damn kissable, it would truly be insulting not to take the plunge.

Now, considering the angle, one of them has to lean in. Otherwise, it would be awkward. That generally determines who, somewhere from two to ten minutes later, is on top of who. Of course hands wander, and even though it’s understood that the word “no” can be employed at any time and immediately obeyed (not to mention the copious amounts of “Is this okay”’s being asked), she can’t remember a time either of them have said it.

If she had to attach a term to what comes next, it would be ‘dry humping.’ And then… nothing. It always ends far too soon, leaving her flustered and with her heart racing. At first she thought it was because he simply didn’t want her, but, well, there’s certain physical signs that point to that not being the problem. Her next guess was that he’s simply being respectful. Well, as sweet as that is, she’s ready to get on with it. She’s only human after all, and as such, has needs. Sure, she could take care of them herself, but if she had to guess, he’s experiencing those needs too, and from what she’s heard, it’s more fun to take care of it together.

The only issue: how the hell do you bring something like this up, especially when the person you’re bringing it up with grew up in a much more repressed era than you did? She’s been debating it for the past week, and despite having multiple visions, none of them have given her that key insight into what to do.

Finally, she decides to just say it. They’ve made a point to be honest with each other, and it’s probably best to get it out of the way. They’re adults, after all. They can have this discussion. She’s going to come straight out with it.

“Hey, can I ask you something? It’s kind of personal, and maybe a little uncomfortable.”

“Sure, Doll.” The response is immediate. “Fire away.”

Glancing up to make sure they’re not at a pivotal scene in tonight’s movie (they have a system; at his place, watch something he grew up with, at hers, something made literally anytime after 1945), she spits out the whole sentence in one breathless go. “Are we ever going to have sex?”

It feels like a branding iron where his arm is still wrapped around her shoulder. Still, it’s comforting. At least he’s not moving away.

“I gotta admit, that’s not the question I was expecting. What brought this on?”

She shrugs, carefully keeping her eyes trained on the wall behind his head instead of on him.

“Nothing in particular. Just…” is there a delicate way to put this? “...I think things are going well between us, and sometimes when we’re together… I’ve noticed that there’s a physical response.” She’s really hoping that’ll suffice, because she can’t think of a good way to say “I can feel that you’re hard when you’re on top of me”.

“Oh.”

Apparently, her meaning is indeed clear enough, because he removes his arm from her shoulders. She’s about to apologize (all the while mentally berating herself) when his hand closes over hers.

“I’m sorry about that, Doll. I’ll try to stay calmer.” Wait, that’s not- “It’s just an issue guys have. Don’t think it means you have to do anything that you don’t want to, because I would never-”

“I know you wouldn’t.” Without thinking, she cuts him off. “And I want to.” It feels like she’s sitting in a sauna, she’s so flustered from this conversation. “But only if you do, and I understand if you didn’t-”

“No.” It’s abrupt, cutting her off. A definite answer that leaves no room for questioning. “No, I do. I just-” He clears his throat. “-I didn’t want to bring it up, in case we weren’t on the same page. “ This seems to be a recurring theme, so far. “And it’s not a must. If you change your mind-”

It’s pure instinct. There’s no thought involved as she closes the gap between them, this time with her on top, and presses her lips against his. The response is immediate and enthusiastic. She considers just going on, not putting a stop to things, but realization hits that, although overall she’s ready for this to happen, she’s not ready for it to happen tonight. There’s still things she needs to take care of. Most importantly, protection.

So, gasping for breath, she pulls away. “I’m calling for a rain check, but if after that, you still think I’ll change my mind-” she pushes back her hair and forces herself to take a deep breath. “-then you may just be beyond help, Barnes.” If the chuckle is anything to judge from, she’s made her point.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Wow. Bucky thinks to himself as he exits out of the browser tab on his phone. That’s enough internet for one day. Too much, actually. He knows that it’s the information superhighway, but good god, no one needs THAT much information. He really needs to be more specific with what he googles… or less… or just not at all.

He’d never admit it (and really, who the hell is gonna ask him anyway), but he spent the last hour looking up how to have sex. He’s engaged in the act before, yeah, but it was seventy years ago. Plus, it used to be this huge taboo thing that you suspected was going on behind closed doors, but no one (not even the married couples) owned up to it. If you were ever found out, there were severe consequences. As a man, he didn’t have to worry as much, but if whoever the woman was had her dirty laundry aired… oh boy. She’d be a pariah, a “scarlet woman”, unfit for marriage or to even give the time of day. That led to limited encounters, and, well, it just seemed smart to brush up on what information is out there. As it turns out, people have written a lot about the fine art of love making. Unfortunately for him, most of it is absolute garbage. Some of the positions he just read about (because at that point, the article was like a train wreck; he badly wanted to look away, but he couldn’t) don’t even sound possible, much less pleasurable. He’s all for society being freer, but good grief!

He’s halfway through a bottle of straight vodka (it won’t have any effect, but he’s hoping maybe the alcohol will travel to his brain and sanitize his eyeballs from most of the shit he just read) when his phone rings. Great. He’s always happy to talk to her, but right now… wow. It’s gonna take him some time to recover, so he hopes she doesn’t need him to say much.

“Hey, Doll.”

“I am so fucking pissed off right now.” That sounds promising.

“At what?”

“The city of Bucharest, my apartment, the landlord, whoever the fuck did the plumbing in this building! God!” She’s clearly out of breath, so it takes a minute before she can speak again. “I’m sorry, Buck. It’s just that I came home from work, and one of my neighbors told me the entire sixth floor is under a good inch, inch and a half of water.” Wait-

“How-”

“I don’t know. Busted pipe. It’s leaked down onto the fifth floor, so I’ve got about fifty other pissed off people for company.”

“Jesus.”

She chuckles harshly. “Yeah, we could use him right about now to perform a miracle. This is a shit show, and I haven’t even told you the best part.”

“So the spontaneous flood wasn’t the highlight of your day?”

“I fucking wish! So, naturally, I tried to call the landlord, along with basically everyone else. Get this: since it’s after five o’clock on a Friday, he’s not gonna do anything. Told us collectively to suck it up! And of course, when there’s a leak, they have to cut the power…” He’s starting to see a pattern here.

She sighs. “I really needed to get that off my chest. How are you?” Still slightly weirded out by the information overload, but feeling a little more steady now that he’s got a good catastrophe to concentrate on. However, that’s probably not the best answer to go with.

“Better than you are.”

“What, the sky isn’t falling where you are?” He chuckles.

“No, it’s right where it’s supposed to be.” Which reminds him… “But since it seems like you’re short a functional home, why don’t you just stay here until they sort things out?” He’s got a couch that, while it doesn’t have anything on an actual bed, he can manage to sleep on for the next few nights. Or maybe they can share his bed. He shakes his head. That thought needs to be put to the side, even if it’s meant in the most innocent way possible. Of course, in case she decides to cash in that rain check…

“Yes. I mean, that would be great, if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.” Actually, he can’t think of a better way to spend the weekend. The plan was to meet up either Saturday or Sunday, possibly both, so this isn’t that far out of the ordinary.

“Okay, but just a warning: They’re not letting us go up to our floor in case there’s been electrical damage as well-” That’s smart. If the pipes are in that bad of condition, who knows what the wiring looks like. “-so all I have is my purse, backpack, and what I wore to work. No toothbrush or pajamas, or anything like that.”

“That’s alright. All you have to bring is yourself.” He’ll have to look, but he’s pretty sure he has something in his closet that’ll work okay for her until she gets the all clear to go into her apartment. Plus, there’s a laundry mat just around the corner, not to mention a pharmacy.

“Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

“Not a problem.” He glances at his bedside clock. Five thirty-four. It takes roughly half an hour to get across the city by bus, so… “I’ll see you around six fifteen?”

“See you then.”

As soon as the line goes dead, he springs into action. First thing’s first: make sure there’s no dirty clothes, old dishes, or trash laying around. That takes all of five minutes. He should probably check that he does indeed have something she can wear so they won’t have to fumble around later. Tshirts are pretty universal and… yes, he has a few pajama bottoms that have a drawstring waist. How much time does he have left? The phone screen lights up, giving him his answer. Twenty-seven minutes. More than enough time to run around the corner and pick up a few things.

His intention is to buy the basics: spare toothbrush, deodorant, hairbrush, maybe a different shampoo than his three-in-one body wash (it’s convenient for him, but she might prefer something designated for hair specifically). But, well, there’s quite a few aisles, and he gets sucked in. Does he need to buy razors, or is that rude, like he thinks she’s hairy? What about aspirin? How often do most people get headaches? He honestly can’t remember.

By the time he realizes that he really needs to get a move on, his basket is full and he has no idea what aisle he’s on. Desperately, he looks around, and his eyes land on… huh. So they just have them out in the open these days. Last time he was in the market for that, he had to beg a married friend to make the purchase for him. He briefly wonders if he’ll need to produce proof of marriage or something similar, but pushes the thought to the side. It’s the 2000s. He can probably just go up to the register and pay, and no one will give him a second look. But there’s just one problem: which brand? He should google… suddenly remembering his adventure from earlier today, he decides to just go with his gut and pick one. There. Now, he needs to pay and get the fuck out of here because there’s only ten minutes left, and he’d rather not have these out in the open, in case she thinks that’s the reason he’s asked her to stay over. If it happens, great. If not… well, he’s made it for the past seventy years. What’s a few more?

___________________________________________________________________________________

She was still pretty shaken up when she arrived at his apartment, carrying her backpack and purse, slightly damp from the drizzle of rain now covering the city. But immediately receiving a long hug, being instructed to make herself at home, and hearing the offer to take a shower so she could warm up did a lot to restore her good mood.

It was one of the sweetest thing she’s ever experienced in a lifetime where most people have showed her their worst, going into that bathroom and finding a new toothbrush, stick of deodorant, nail clippers, hairbrush, and even shampoo. That and Barnes bashfully informing her that, “I’ll stay in the living room until you’re done. Take your time.” She almost suggested that he just join her in an attempt to broach the subject they left off on two nights ago, but thought better of it. She’s just started to strip when a knock comes from the other side of the wall.

“Sorry. I just remembered that I forgot to give you a change of clothes. Can I leave them outside the door?” A smile forms on her face.

“Sure. Go ahead.” No one’s given this much thought to her comfort or boundaries before. Yet another reason she knows this is the right decision.

She doesn’t stay in the shower for long, just enough time to wash and stop shivering. After toweling off and brushing out her hair, she cracks open the door. Sure enough, a worn but clean tshirt and pair of pajama bottoms are waiting for her. The familiar scent of the laundry detergent he uses envelopes her as she dresses and, at long last, leaves the safety of the bathroom.

True to his word, he’s still sitting on the couch, thumbing through a book she gave him some months back (he’s missed so many feats of literature that have made their way into pop culture; today’s choice is The Hobbit because, while it was out before everything happened to him, he’s never read it) when she emerges. Just in case he’s so absorbed that he hasn’t heard her, she repeats his gesture from earlier and knocks softly on the wall.

“Hey. I’m out. You can have your apartment back.”

“Hey.” That smile always makes her feel slightly unsteady on her feet. “Find everything okay?”

“I did.” She settles into the place next to him. “Thank you, by the way. You didn’t have to go out and get supplies.”

“I know.” He nods, hand closing around hers. “But I wanted to make sure you had whatever you needed.”

They chat for a while about their days, discuss what they should do with the weekend ahead, even throw out ideas for dinner. The entire time, she’s trying to figure out the best way to bring up that she’d really like to finish what they started the other night. However, by the time he’s left to grab some sort of takeout, she’s still no closer to an answer.

Fortunately, their dates usually follow a pattern. Food, a movie, and then the not-so-innocent cuddles. This time, he’s on top of her when she feels the tell-tale sign that he’s as fired up as she is, so she suggests,

“Do want to maybe move to somewhere more comfortable?” His already dilated pupils grow even larger, and he nods.

“Yeah. That sounds like a plan.” She waits for him to roll off of her and head towards the bedroom before she grabs her purse and, digging around inside, grabs one of the foil packages she bought after their last date.

It’s only once she closes the door behind her, shutting them into an enclosed space with a bed (not to mention it’s pretty damn clear what both of their intentions are), that nerves get the better of her. He takes a step towards her, and she leans up to kiss him, but he ducks his head out of the way.

“You’re shaking.” His hand ghosts over her arm, making it obvious that, by comparison, she’s practically vibrating on the spot.

“Sorry.” She chuckles nervously. “It’ll pass.”

“It’s alright.” As he says it, he meets her eyes. “We can stop. Nothing has to happen.”

“I know.” She nods, swallowing hard. “But I want it to.” Their lips briefly meet before he pulls away again.

“Let me ask you, just before we get started, is this-” He stops short, eyes darting from her face to the wall and back again. “...have you… before?” Oh. “Not that it matters, not to me, I just wanted to know so that-”

“I have.” She nods, feeling heat rise to her cheeks. “Once. I was eighteen, and-” It was awful. She’d been seeing the guy for a few months and he kept whining about her not putting out, so she decided to get it over with. He went in dry without any warning, and when she asked him to stop, give her a second to adjust, he told her he couldn’t. She was bleeding and in pain for days afterwards, and to top it off, when her period was late, she thought that, even though he’d pulled out, she was pregnant. That turned out not to be the case, but it, along with the fact that she usually doesn’t stay in one place for very long, has put a damper on her ever wanting to do that again. Except for now. “-it wasn’t a great experience.”

“I’m sorry.” On instinct, she searches for the judgment in his face, the disgust. It’s nowhere to be found, only genuine sympathy. “I’ll do my best to make sure this time is better. That is, if you’re still up to it.”

“I am.” Not waiting for a reply, she wraps her arms around him and starts trailing kisses up his neck towards his ear. “I am. I trust you.” She hears his breath catch, but before she can comment, he’s hoisted her up and is carrying her in the direction of the bed.

As he sets her down, she pulls him on top of her, letting her hands wander over his sides, up his back. After a few moments, she feels his fingers move from her hips to toy with the hem of her… his.. shirt.

“Is this okay? Can I take this off?” She starts to nod, but remembers just in time that he’s so close, they’d butt heads.

“Please.” She expected to feel exposed once she was at least partially undressed, but instead she feels… adored. His eyes are roaming over her newly exposed skin, though his hands have respectfully returned to her waist. In a moment of confidence, she reaches behind her and unhooks her bra. There. Now she’s completely shirtless.

“You’re so beautiful.” The flush from her cheeks is spreading down her neck, but she still smiles.

“Care to make things even?” It’s brief, but she catches the look of hesitation.

“Sure.” Before she can offer to do it, he shrugs his shirt over his head, revealing to her, for the first time, the entirity of his metal arm. She must look for a moment too long, because with a shrug, he informs her, “I can put my shirt back on. No big deal. I know there’s some scarring…” That’s not going to fly. She needs to reassure him, make him feel as desired as he’s made her feel.

“Or if you want to stop-” She stands and, after briefly making eye contact, places a kiss on the most prominent scar.

“Don’t you dare think that way for a second.” They’re flush against each other, chest to bare chest. “Not for one.” Slowly, she slides her hands from his shoulders down to his waist, hesitating just over the button. “Is this okay?” Another shakey breath.

“Yes.”

Going forward, it’s much less awkward. The rest of their clothing is shed, and soon they’re back to their previous position; on the bed, with him on top of her. She feels his fingertips brush the inside of her thigh and gasps.

“May I touch you?” She nods.

“You’d better.”

It’s gentle, more of him feeling her out than anything else. Still, she can’t help but think this is infinitely better already than last time around. Suddenly, he pulls his hand away, and it takes all her effort not to whine at the loss of contact. Before she can ask if something’s wrong, does he want to stop, he’s flat on his stomach, head between her legs.

“Tell me if you need me to stop.”

“What-” Her breath catches as it becomes infinitely clear what he’s doing.

Again, she’s expecting pain when, after several minutes he eases a finger into her, but at this point, she’s so wet that there’s absolutely no difficulty.

“Are you okay?” She nods.

“Don’t stop.”

The process is agonizingly slow, he’s so intent on his task. When, finally, he pulls away, she’s so close that she can almost taste it.

“Do you still want to-”

“If you don’t stop asking me that, I’m gonna slap you.” It’s a joke, and she thinks he knows it, but just to be sure, she siezes his hand (the metal one, which is usually cold but has now warmed from being held close against her body. “I’m ready, so long as you want this too.”

“I do. You wouldn’t believe how much.” Yeah, she thinks she would. “Just give me a second.” Perfect timing. He rolls off of her, which gives her the opening she needs to grab the packet she managed to hide under the pillow while he was… otherwise distracted. When he returns from digging inside the wardrobe, she holds it up, only to realize-

“Oh.” He’s got one as well. “Seems like we both came prepared.”

He chuckles. “Just in case, although that wasn’t why I asked you to stay.”

“I know.” She nods and pats the space next to her. “Not why I said yes either, although I can’t say I’m disappointed.”

He returns to the bed and drops his packet onto the nightstand. “Save this one for later?”

“Definitely.”

There is a bit of discomfort once he starts to push inside her, but it’s not painful. Just… overwhelming. Slightly embarassed she asks,

“Can you wait a second? Please?”

“Of course. Are you alright?” She shifts her hips slightly, making them both groan.

“Fine. You can move now.”

She may have only done this once before, and she has no idea what his experience consists of, but as she hits her peak mere seconds before he does, gently coaxed over the edge, she can’t help but think some things are better the second time around.

“I love you.” It’s whispered against her neck as, once she cleans up and returns to bed, she settles herself against him.

“I love you too.”

___________________________________________________________________________________

The first thing he thinks when he realizes that he’s not alone in bed is that HYDRA’s found him. He’s being activated. His eyes shoot open although apart from that he doesn’t move a muscle, and that’s when he recognizes the person next to him. It’s her. She’s here.

The events of last night come back to him all at once, and he feels a smile forming on his face. It’s been a while, and in any case, it would be wrong to run a comparison, but what they shared, the pure intimacy of it both physically and mentally was incredible. Maybe he should feel a sense of shame. That’s what he was taught growing up. But instead he feels… peaceful.

That is, until her eyelids flutter and she rolls over, shifting the covers so that he gets a good view of her still naked body, and with it, the bruises on her thighs and hips. Bruises unmistakably left by his fingers. Dammit. He’s done the last thing he ever wanted to do: he’s hurt her.

“Good morning, sleepy head.” She yawns, the teasing words muffled. “It seems like we overslept.”

His mouth goes dry, and all he can manage to choke out is a simple, “Yeah.”

She frowns, sitting up slightly, and lets out a small groan. “You alright there, Bucky? You look a little off.” The late morning light only serves to highlight more marks he’s left, this time on her shoulders, neck, and breasts. Stubble burn. Hickeys. Why the hell was he so rough? At the time, he thought he was being gentle, but obviously he’s just as much of a monster as Bucky Barnes as he is once the Winter Soldier takes over.

She’s still staring at him, brow furrowing in concern.

“Fine.” He clears his throat and begins to sit up. “Stay here. I’ll make you a cup of tea, maybe some oatmeal.”

“Alright. Don’t be gone too long.”

Her words follow him out of the room, and into the kitchen. Fuck. He should’ve known better.

Maybe once upon a time, he was a decent man, one who could be with a woman like her and not do her a disservice. But now, it’s clear that he falls short in every way. In an act that was supposed to be pure pleasure, a way of communicating how much they mean to each other, he’s hurt her.

“I trust you.” The words from last night ring in his ears. He shouldn’t have let her. It’s pretty damn obvious that, even at the best of times, he can’t be trusted.

“Tell me what’s going on.” Even with his enhanced senses, he still jumps in surprise as the unexpected words come from behind him. He turns around slowly, not wanting to startle her. She’s standing there, clad in only one of his shirts, arms crossed over her chest (now bearing his marks), staring him down.

“Nothing.” He shakes his head.

“Bullshit. I had a vision of you staring off into space, and here you are, jumpy as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.” At another time, her choice in phrases would make him chuckle, but right now, he can’t muster it.

“Last night-” Her eyes widen, but she stays silent. “I hurt you.”

“No, you didn’t. Not at all.”

“I did.”

She frowns. “Bucky, I think I’d know if you’d hurt me, and I’m telling you, I’m fine.”

“Doll, look at yourself!” He reaches out to take her arm, but immediately freezes. “Go in the bathroom and take off your shirt. Take a good look in the mirror and then tell me I didn’t hurt you.”

“Alright.” Her jaw clenches, and she marches off in the direction of the bathroom. A deep sickness gnaws at the pit of his stomach and, completely worn out, he sinks into a kitchen chair.

Not thirty seconds pass before she walks back into the room, this time completely undressed.

“Tell me you’re not talking about a few love bites.”

“And bruises! You may not have noticed, but they’re in the exact shape of my fingertips.”

“Oh my god!” She shakes her head. “It’s a sex injury. A minor one at that! If you didn’t heal so damn fast, you’d probably have nail marks all over your back!”

“That’s not the same thing.”

“How is it not the same thing?”

“I’m a monster! And you’re not.”

She takes a determined step towards him, and he leans as far back as the chair will allow.

“Bucky, you are not a monster, and I am not afraid of you.”

“Then you’re stupid.” He hates himself for his sharp words, but she needs to take this seriously. Underestimating how dark, how evil he can be, is a mistake. A deadly one.

“Hey!”

“Don’t you get it?” Without any input from his brain, he stands. “They could find me, and with a few words, I could stare you dead in the eyes as I murdered you! If you were my mission, I wouldn’t even hesitate, and you’d be dead before your body hit the floor!” Her mouth falls open, but she immediately closes it again. “This isn’t something that can be worked through with some patience and a positive attitude! I could kill you!”

“So could a million other things!” Her voice rises in volume, and before he can contain it-

“But they’re not in the bed sleeping next to you!” He’s shouting at her. God. Everyone is right. He’s beyond saving.

A few tense seconds pass before she looks up at him, a steely look in her eyes.

“Look, I get it. I know what you could do to me.” As she speaks, she pulls out a chair and sits. “But I could also get run over when I cross the road, or the room could fill with carbon monoxide while I sleep. I could have an aneurysm and drop before anyone knows what’s happening.”

He opens his mouth to tell her the likelihood of any of those things happening is far lower than the chance that he’ll hurt her, this time in a major way, but she holds up a hand, silencing him.

“I’m gonna be cautious, but I’m also not going to live my life in fear that the ceiling is going to collapse or nuclear war is going to strike, or that someone is gonna turn up and say the magic words that make you go cuckoo for cocoa puffs-” What? “-and I just realized you’re too old for that reference.”

“That’s another thing-” He’s about to remind her exactly how big their age gap is, that although he’s physically close to her age, chronologically, he’s closer to the age of her great grandfather, but she lets out a sudden groan of frustration, and that makes him bite his tongue.

“Oh, fuck off, Barnes! If you’re about to start in on how you’re too old for me, then I’m not gonna wait for you to go full Winter Soldier before I kick your ass!” Out of all things, that’s what snaps him out of it, makes him feel like maybe, just maybe, there’s still a chance they can make the best of things.

Smirking, he asks her,

“You think you could kick my ass? Really?” It must be the breaking point for her too, because she snickers.

“Of course. It’s the little bitches you have to watch out for.” That’s it, he’s laughing, nearly doubled over, and from the looks of things, she’s in much the same state.

“You’re something else, you know that?” He asks between stilted breaths.

“I think we both fit in that category, Pal.” Her smile fades, but only slightly. “Bucky, if you really want me to go, if that’s what’ll give you peace, then I’ll do it, but I meant what I said. I trust you.” Never. He’ll never want her to go, he’s sure of it. Well then, that only leaves one option.

“I know what we’re doing today.” It’s an abrupt segue, but it’s the only thing he could come up with on short notice.

“And what’s that?” The microwave dings, reminding him that he needs to stir the oatmeal, and he pushes past her.

“Sit down and have your tea. You’re going to need all your energy if I’m gonna show you how to use a gun.” If she’s staying, then at least he can teach her how to defend herself beyond the basics she already knows.

“So I guess this means you’re keeping me around for a little while longer?” It’s spoken like a joke, but he turns to her, meeting her eyes to drive the point home.

“Yeah, Doll. As long as you want me."

#marvel #captain america #the winter soldier #bucky fanfic #fanfiction #bucky barnes x ofc #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes #pre civil war

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ericsonclan · 3 years ago

Text

Evening ASMR

Summary: James records a video for his ASMR channel and settles in for the evening.

Word Count: 1702

Read on AO3:

“Evening, everyone,” James’ soft voice whispered, his mouth hovering over the mic. “Groggy and I hope you all had a good day,” His fingers lightly drummed against his rubber frog nightlight, the pleasant rhythm creating the exact sort of calming bliss that was James’ signature when recording for his channel. “My day wasn’t very eventful, but it was calm, pleasant. I’ve been drinking a new blend of tea today from Sarita’s Teashop - Evening Breeze,” James took a sip of hot tea then placed the mug on the table between both of his mics, his painted black fingernails continuing their steady, soothing rhythm, this time along the outside of the mug. “The offer from my last video still stands by the way: use the code Tranquilitime15 at checkout online for a 15 percent discount on your order from Sarita’s Teashop. Now let’s get to the main part of our video. It’s Tuesday so you know what that means. It’s time for Weekly Walk,”

Leaning back in his chair, James reached behind himself to pick something from his bag of finds. “Jesse and I went for a walk along the lake. Along the way I picked a few strands of grass since the texture intrigued me. Jesse told me it’s common reed grass. It makes quite a lovely sound. Let’s listen,” Lifting up the grass, James softly ran it along his mic, letting the equipment pick up the faint rustling sounds the grass made as it ran along the mic’s surface. James continued this motion for about five minutes, letting the moment last as he too became entranced by the sound the reed grass made. Finally he pulled his hand back, ready to share his next find.

“I also spotted another rock to add to our collection. The lines of white quartz running through it are really lovely,” James held the stone up close to the camera so his viewers could see the details themselves. “Into the rock bucket it goes,” With his free hand, James lifted up a small pale blue pail full of rocks and dropped his latest one in, running his fingers through the collection of stones in silence. There was no sound round him, only the soft rumble of the stones tumbling against once another. James was grateful there were no parties going on in the dorms tonight. Sometimes, even with the padding and soundproofing he’d done to his room, it was still difficult to find recording times where his surroundings were quiet enough to properly do ASMR.

Several minutes passed before James set aside his rock bucket and picked up his next find: a curved piece of driftwood from the lake. Holding the piece up to the camera, James turned it slowly so his audience could have time to admire it properly. “This was right along the shore near the end of our walk. I love the depth of color in it. Such a rich brown,” James’ fingers trailed along the branch, inadvertently tapping against it. It had become second nature for James to tap any object of interest he came across, always on the search for new sounds that he could bring to the channel that might give his audience the tingles.

As he tapped along the wood, James hummed softly, transitioning to another segment his viewers were especially fond of. The tune he chose this time was one Jesse had taught him, a Cherokee lullaby. Though James hadn’t been able to learn the words yet the tune was still fresh in his mind. Switching back to the reed grass, James softly hummed the lullaby, closing his eyes and getting lost in the moment. He could almost imagine that Jesse was here with him, sitting upon the floor and letting James brush his hair. The sound of Jesse’s hair would make great ASMR. James didn’t want to push him into anything he was uncomfortable though. He knew how much Jesse hated feeling as though he was performing for others. Perhaps that was a sound that was reserved for James then, one only he got to hear.

Finishing the tune, James picked up Groggy once more. Turning on the nightlight, James drummed his fingers along the little frog’s back, enjoying the bounce of the rubber under his fingertips. His ASMR wasn’t only for his audience. It calmed him as well. He looked toward the camera. “I went on a hike a few days ago with a couple friends of mine. My friend Clem brought her little brother. He was really curious to learn about what ASMR was exactly. He picked out some items on our walk for me to share as well. He wanted to be here himself, but it’s past his bedtime. Hi, AJ,” James waved at the camera, knowing Clementine would show the video to AJ as soon as it was posted.

Picking up the pinecones AJ had given him, James began to run his fingernails along them. The light scratching sound that produced sent a tingle up his spine. James smiled softly to himself as he continued, rolling the pinecones slowly in his hands then against one another. He then picked up a few of the countless leaves AJ had scavenged from him. These were drier and produced a hollow sound as James tapped upon them. He alternated between tapping and running his fingerpads along the leaves’ surface.

As he did, the memories of that day reached the surface of his mind. AJ had been so excited that day, running ahead of them on the trail despite Clementine’s warnings to stay nearby. He’d simply been too excited to remember to keep his word though whenever his promise did reach his mind AJ would freeze and look back guiltily. On the times when he didn’t remember, Clementine would have to barrel ahead to catch up with him, leaving James and Brody alone to chat. Brody would sometimes pause to grab a flower or other plant to press when she got home. She and James also kept their eyes open for interesting leaves that Clementine could use for leaf rubbing though AJ by far gave her the most finds.

Finally, James drew back. Setting aside the pinecones and leaves, he brought out Groggy once more. As his fingers tattooed a calming rhythm upon the little frog, James smiled warmly at his audience. “Thank you for staying with me tonight and hearing my stories. I hope you all sleep well and have a beautiful day tomorrow. Till next time, like, share and subscribe and I’ll see you next time for Tranquilitime,” With that James ended the recording. Cleaning up his workspace first, James then settled in to get the video uploaded. It was a bit of a process but one he was familiar with.

While the video uploaded, James poured another cup of Evening Breeze for himself and took a thoughtful sip. The tea had a clarity to it, a freshness that reminded him of being by the lake. He’d have to pick up some more next time he dropped by the teashop. He hoped the promotion was going well for Sarita. He’d only recently gotten his channel big enough to merit sponsorship and he’d wanted to start with a brand he trusted. Perhaps if this went well he could reach out to Tripp as well and promote his sweet shop.

His phone lit up and James glanced over to check the notification. It was a text from Louis. Hey hey! Just checking if we’re still on for this Saturday.

James set down his tea and texted back. Wouldn’t miss it. A few weeks ago on a visit to Ericson’s Diner when Louis had dropped by the table to strike up a conversation with James and Jesse, he and James had somehow gotten onto a tangent about Tokyo Ghoul. Louis had been wanting to watch it but was a self-professed wimp when it came to anything horror so he’d asked if James could be his watching buddy. Since then they’d VCed on Discord each Saturday afternoon to watch another episode. Louis had been loving the series so far though there had been several moments that had made him scream and James had enjoyed revisiting the series. Maybe if Louis had the patience for it James could suggest they buddy read some of the manga together next.

With some time left to kill while he waited for the upload to finish, James opened up a new tab to peruse Picrew. Maybe he’d make another chibi version of Jesse. His boyfriend was easy to make in most Picrews with his dark eyes and long, black hair. Finding a picrew he liked, James settled in to look through the different options. He hoped Jesse never stumbled across the Picrew folder on his computer. Though he’d sent Jesse a few that he’d made, the sheer amount of picrews of his boyfriend James had saved to his computer was downright embarrassing.

Finally the upload was complete. Powering down his computer for the night, James set it aside and headed over to his bed. He immediately faceplanted upon it before rolling up in the covers and letting out a content sigh. His phone lit up again – another message. James checked it and found it was a notification from Prisha this time. She’d finished her turn in Scrabble Go and now it was his. Opening the app, James pondered his options. He didn’t have a great selection of letters but he could make something of them if he found the right opportunity. After a few minutes he’d made his selection.

Sending it off, James closed the app then opened his music library. His selection was habitual by now. Nature sounds filled the room: the gentle rush of wind, the subtle flow of water and the faint call of birds as the grass rustled gently. James set his phone upon its charging pad and reached up to turn off the light. As he closed his eyes, he could almost picture that he was there on the walk with Jesse once more. Everything was calm, peaceful. Serene. A faint smile stayed on James’ lips as he started to drift off to sleep, walking once more in his dreams.

#twdg #twdg james #twdg jesse #twdg clementine #twdg aj #twdg brody #twdg prisha #clem james brotp #james brody brotp #james prisha brotp #twdg messe #fanfic #ericson's diner au

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cibeewastaken · 5 years ago

Note

May you write some trans draco and supportive boyfriend harry fluff??😄💙💙

thank you for the prompt! I’ve never written trans characters before, and although I did research beforehand, if there is anything I got wrong or if I have written anything disrespectful, let me know and I will change it. Thank you to Shahar and Solana from the Drarry Discord that did a sensitivity read over this, and @pineau-noir for the beta!! thank you all!

2680 words. Professor drarry, coming out, getting together & established relationship, smitten Harry

Also: brief misgendering (not maliciously, toward the beginning), off-screen transphobic comment (toward the end, it is not explicitly written out), discussion of pregnancy.

Read on Ao3

****

Draco decided to come out because he dreamt of his mother.

It was on his thirty-fifth birthday, when he had gone out to Hogsmeade with Harry, Pansy, Greg and Granger the night before and drank themself silly. Weasley had moaned and cried about wanting to come but it was his turn to babysit. Draco had gotten so pissed that Harry had to carry him all the way back to Hogwarts and shushed him constantly when they got to the professor’s quarters because Draco had really wanted sing All About That Bass. Harry had to help him to bed and Draco had begged Harry to make him a cup of hot chocolate

That night he dreamt, as he was wont to do after drinking bottle after bottle of whiskey and falling asleep in that too warm state of being under layers of blankets and a belly full of hot drinks. He dreamt of the memory of sitting beside her bed moments before she died, trying to work up the courage to tell her; almost ran out the door to where Harry was waiting, and asked him for tips on how to be a brave person. But before he could come to any decision, his mother sighed, “I love you, my sweet, brave girl.” And the next moment, Draco had lost his chance.

He woke up, ten years later, wishing desperately again he could have told his mother.

Draco told Harry his decision the same day of the dream. Harry sat in the plush armchair in Draco’s room, watched Draco pace about with a cup of piping hot tea cradled in his hands. He listened intently to Draco going on and on, “I just woke up this morning, and I knew I was ready. I mean—okay, even if I am, how will I go about it? Write a public letter? An announcement during breakfast in the Great Hall? No, no, that’s the showman in me talking. Ah—should I ask for the Headmistress’s permission? I—”

Harry only cut him off then. “You shouldn’t have to,” he said. “You can just inform her, if you want.”

Draco softened. Blushed. “Yes,” he said. “Yes, you’re right.” He went and sat down on the other armchair, Harry’s eyes followed him with a fond smile.

“How about in class?” Draco asked.

“That certainly is when you are the most confident.” Harry smiled at him. “I think it’s a great idea.”

“You’re not going to talk me out of it?”

“I would never do that,” Harry said. “But can I ask why now?”

“‘May I ask’,” Draco corrected.

Harry gave him a look. Draco laughed before talking. “I’m ready. I want to stop hiding. I want to talk about my experience. I want to come out on my own terms, and I don’t want to leave any regret. Merlin, do you remember after the war, the amount of therapy we all did? It wasn’t until years later did I feel like I was healed enough from the war to talk about my gender identity with a professional. We had talked about coming out, or transitioning, and I had said I would like to come out when I’m happy again.”

Harry listened with a happy smile on his face. “You’re happy now,” he said.

Draco reached over and tucked a stray hair behind Harry’s ear. “I was scared of coming out when I told her that, that’s why I said I would only do it when I’m happy again. I had thought I would never be happy again.” He left his hand on Harry’s face. “I’ve been happy for a while now. I’ve been so comfortable with happy, that I needed my mother’s death to remind me at one point, I wasn’t.”

“It sucks that it took so long.”

“It took longer for you,” Draco murmured. Harry just smiled and pressed a kiss to Draco’s palm.

They allowed the comfortable silence to go on for a bit, but soon Draco started to fidget. “I know I’m hiding it incredibly well, but I am a bit frightened.”

Harry didn’t say, “You don’t have to do it right now if you’re not ready.” Because of course that went without saying. Though he did say, “I’ll be with you through it all.”

Ah, but that was stupid too, because that also went without saying in Draco’s opinion. Harry had always been there for him, throughout the years of teaching apprenticeship in Hogwarts and through studying for their Magical Academic Skills for Educators and through their first classes as professors. Harry was the first person he came out to after his friends in Eighth Year. So, Harry needn’t say he would be with Draco through everything! It was a given—Draco wanted to accuse Harry of saying it just to see Draco blush.

In the end, Draco just muttered a lame, “Thank you.”

Then all too soon, Harry had to leave for his first class, and he lingered by Draco’s door. “Do you want to take dinner with me in my room? Or your room? Or just, somewhere without a whole school worth of children?”

Draco knew he was wearing a dopey and besotted grin on his face, but this relationship was new, and he had daydreamed about it for years. As suave and gentlemanly as he had imagined himself in his head, sweeping Harry off his feet with charm, he really couldn’t bring himself to pretend he wasn’t stupidly happy.

“That sounds lovely,” he said. And a grin broke out on Harry’s flushed face too. Draco couldn’t help but press a kiss to Harry’s cheek before sending him on his way.

Draco loved how shy and eager Harry was about this. With sixteen years of friendship under their belt, when Harry asked Draco out a month ago. Harry had been tripping over every word, and it had taken Draco nearly five minutes to figure out Harry was asking him out.

“Oh,” Draco had said. He had been standing by his door, seeing Harry off like they do almost every night. “Oh!”

Harry had flushed down to his neck.

“Yes,” Draco had replied in a hurry. “Oh my god—yes.”

“Yeah?”

Draco had nodded, willing his face to stay calm.

“Cool,” Harry had said. Another word choice he picked up from the students. “I’ll—er, I’ll pick you up tomorrow at seven, then?”

“Okay.”

Draco had decided he would stay and watch Harry go, and it was rewarded with Harry stopping every two steps to turn around and look at Draco until he reached the staircase. Draco had listened to Harry’s footsteps fading down the stairs and grinned at nothing. And he had laughed when he heard Harry’s jubilant shout from afar.

Draco also remembered how later that night, as he finally stumbled back to bed, how he lay there for hours, indulging himself on playing out being Harry’s boyfriend—and berated himself for acting like a teenager. Not that it stopped Draco from doing it.

When Draco’s daydream entered the “Marriage” chapter, he remembered how Harry always wanted children, and that was like falling into a pit of icy water. Draco tried to shake himself off the tightness, tried to stop himself from imagining his body becoming a reminder of a gender he long left in the past. Draco tried to stifle the nausea.

He could very well just forget about it. They hadn’t even been on their first date yet. Children seemed so far into the future. But the nagging feeling wouldn’t leave Draco alone. What if it was a deal-breaker for Harry? Draco had loved Harry for so long, he wasn’t sure he wanted to go through a heartbreak Draco knew could be potentially ruining.

At half-past one, Draco climbed out of his cocoon of blankets and trekked to Harry’s room a few floors below. Harry opened the door in his pajamas and messy hair. “Why aren’t you asleep yet?” Draco said, and wanted to jump off the castle right after the words left his mouth.

The incredulous look on Harry’s face was deserving, Draco supposed. “Is something wrong?” Harry asked, pulling Draco into his warm room.

Draco swallowed. “Do you expect me to carry your child, if this goes somewhere?”

A few seconds went by and Harry remained gaping at Draco.

“I know some people do it,” Draco continued on. “I know they’re okay with it. But not—not me. I don’t know if I’ll ever go through a transition. Oh, you know that, yes, I forgot I told you that before. I’m happy with myself, but if that means you’ll expect me to carry our children—I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“What is going on?” Harry seemed to be talking to himself. “You do not need to apologize for that! And I—Jesus, are we talking about children? I mean, I’ve thought about it, because I’ve been in lo—ngk, I mean, I always wanted kids—Yes, I know you know! But I never thought about that, Draco. I know you don’t want to. I would never ask that of you!” He sounded distressed.

They were both panting. “Good,” Draco said. “I just want us to be on the same page.”

“I always wanted to adopt,” Harry said.

“Oh.” Draco looked to the floor. “You never said.”

“I would’ve told you someday.”

“Is today someday?”

“It can be.” Harry smiled softly at Draco, who was now feeling very flustered from being reckless and Gryffindor-like and barging in to demand answers in the middle of the night.

“I guess it makes sense,” Draco said. “That you would want to love a child that needs it. Ah, is that insensitive of me to say?”

Harry dragged him into a crushing hug.

***

It took Draco a few days to gather up enough courage. In the end he chose the second-year Hufflepuff/Ravenclaw class as his first step. While everyone had finished setting up their cauldrons and tools, Draco cleared his throat.

“I need to tell you all something.”

***

The second-years took the news with wide-eyed exhilaration, shouting encouragement and cheers to the point Draco couldn’t hear his own voice anymore. “That’s why I picked them to go first,” Draco told Harry after class, when he came over to ask how it went. “They’re a bunch of sweethearts and I need the ego-boost.” Harry laughed and kissed him.

The seventh-year Slytherin/Gryffindor class was rougher. Some students recoiled, and some of those students looked shamefaced at their own reactions, which made Draco feel better (however slight.) He was more solemn during his speech. When some Gryffindor boys started murmuring, a few Slytherin students glared at them hard enough to shut them up. Draco had to smile a bit at that.

“May we ask some questions, sir?” A Slytherin student asked.

“Go ahead, Miss Jeffers.”

“Do you see yourself as gay, then?”

“I’ve always been attracted to men,” Draco answered calmly. “And as a man, I identify myself as gay.”

Another student raised their hand. “Was your name always Draco?”

“Yes. My mother picked it, and she had always intended to use it on a boy or a girl.”

“Did you dress differently when you were young, before—er, you know.”

Draco raised an eyebrow at the student and he blushed sheepishly.

“A good thing about wizarding fashion is that robes all generally looked the same for both male and female. I was lucky enough to not experience the hardship Muggle transgender community might face growing up.”

When no more hands were left up in the air, Draco could see it wasn’t the end of confusion for some students. But there was no use to push. Draco smiled at his class, “I’m not any more different than I was before today. You just know more about who I am now. You’ll find that, despite this new knowledge, I am still exactly the same. For example,” Draco tapped his wand and papers appeared in front of each student. “I still like to surprise you with a pop quiz.”

The groans were music to Draco’s ears.

***

The news spread to the whole school by the next day, and breakfast was an anxious ordeal. Draco had made the decision to eat in the Great Hall. Harry’s continuous presence was warm and steady next to him. Harry knew how to deal with being in the spotlight of gossip, and he pulled out all stops to distract Draco from it (i.e., some very heavy making out in the hallway outside of Draco’s room, certainly far too inappropriate at seven o’clock in the morning on a school day). Draco had been preparing for it to happen, but he was still caught off guard when it came.

When it came, Draco had been walking by himself to his next class. He turned around slowly to see who had made the remark. The student didn’t try to hide. He was standing right behind Draco. Everyone around stopped in their tracks, from what the boy had said or to see what would happen, Draco didn’t know.

The boy sneered at Draco. His friend looked very surprised and appalled. “10 points from Gryffindor,” Draco said. He focused on the disappointment he felt, and not all the other awful feelings that were churning at the base of his throat.

“100 points from Gryffindor,” someone said from behind. McGonagall strode past Draco and glared down at him. “Plus one-week detention with me, for your ignorance and malice, Mr. Anderson. You should know better. There are transgender students here, and I will not allow this kind of behavior in my school.”

Out of nowhere, Harry appeared next to Draco. “And Mr. Anderson will see me after class today,” he said. “As head of house, I apologize for my student’s behavior, Professor Malfoy.”

Draco nodded, throat thick. Students were gathering around them, but they were looking at Anderson, whose face took on a sickly tinge at the prospect of detention with both the Headmistress and the Boy Who Lived.

“Go to your class, now,” McGonagall said tersely. Anderson scampered off, his friend following. McGonagall turned her gaze onto the students mulling around, who all jumped and started to move.

“I am sorry, Draco,” McGonagall said when all students cleared out.

“I’m alright, Headmistress.”

“I’ll walk with him,” Harry said, taking Draco’s hand. And McGonagall’s smile showed that she would let this PDA slide just this once.

“I don’t nee—” Draco started.

“I’m not walking you to your classroom because I think you need a bodyguard,” Harry said. “I’m walking with you to your classroom because I missed you.”

Draco hated how easily his mood was improved by that.

Just before parting, Draco squeezed Harry’s hand. “Harry,” Draco said, throat thick and heavy. Harry turned to him inquiringly.

“Educate him,” Draco said. He looked at Harry’s eyes. So honest and good. “Don’t punish him and let him walk away as ignorant before, Harry. Don’t do what our teachers did to us. Teach him.”

Harry cupped Draco’s face. “That was always the plan.”

Draco nodded. He blinked slowly, finally letting the tears fall. Letting them out. It didn’t take more than a few. Harry kissed away each drop, and Draco smiled through it.

“I’ll see you tonight?” Draco asked.

“Yes.” Harry looked delighted, as though they didn’t see each other every other night already.

Draco gave an amused chuckle. Harry’s gaze lingered on him until the classroom door closed.

***

Draco was just grading his last pile of homework when someone knocked on his office door. “Sir?”

Draco looked up from his grading. It was a third-year Gryffindor. Michael Genson, standing nervously by the door, eyes very wide. An expression so familiar, so mixed with trepidation and hope that for a second Draco thought he was looking at his 13-year-old self. “May I ask you some questions?” Michael said.

Draco put down his quill and moved his grading aside. “Of course,” he smiled. “Tea?”

Michael nodded, sitting down gingerly. Draco gave him a comforting smile and Summoned his best tea leaves.

Hopefully by the end of the chat, Draco could be fortunate enough to find out who Michael truly was.

#drarry #draco malfoy #harry potter #trans draco #hp #drarry squad #darry #my fic #Anonymous

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lupins-sweater · 4 years ago

Text

I’m Sorry

(Percy Weasley x Reader)

Summary: Percy wants to have a second chance after the war. Do you?

Warnings: verrrry angsty, first time writing angst, so it kinda sucks

I’m going to try something a little different and do some angst

You weren’t quite sure when he changed, but one day you looked up, and he was a completely different person. Sure he could be a little intense. But he wasn’t a prick. Once he finished prefect duty, he would bring you treats from the kitchen and a kiss goodnight. Sometimes you could even talk the avid rule follower to bend some rules because he wanted to make you happy. As simple as that. If you were caught out past curfew or skipping a class, Percy would let it slide (although you would get the “I love you, but there’s going to be a time when I can’t cover for you.”

You enjoyed gifting him the fanciest quills and the biggest pumpkin pasties every time he accomplished something. You were so proud of him; calling Percy Weasley your boyfriend gave you joy. Under that hard exterior was someone who was very loving and gentle. Or at least you thought.

After you had graduated Hogwarts, you and Percy moved into a small flat in Diagon Alley. Even though it was rather small, it was home to you. You quickly decorated the shared abode with squishy arm chairs and a couch. The flat was fairly clean and a wonderful home to transition from school.

Percy proposed not too long after the announcement of receiving the position at the Ministry. He claimed the money would help significantly with the wedding cost and maybe with starting a family. But you both weren’t expecting to bring children into your life for another couple of years; you agreed you were too young, and you wanted to focus on your careers first. You were training to become a healer, and Percy wanted a stable job that wasn’t an assistant.

At first you thought he was just tired or stressed from working with Crouch. I mean who wouldn’t, right? He would come home and not be in the mood to talk. Even on his days off, he was working on assignments and didn’t want to be disturbed. It was like he didn’t have time for cuddle night anymore. You hoped this was just a rough spot in your relationship; every couple goes through them. But as the bad days turned into bad weeks and into bad months, you grew out of sync with your partner. Every time you tried to discuss his sudden change of behavior, it was always, “ Not now, Y/N. I’m busy,” or “Maybe tomorrow.”

You turned to his family for guidance after a month and a half of being ignored. The twins said it was just normal Percy behavior. He probably was upset about cauldron thickness again. But Molly and Arthur could tell something was wrong. You briefly explained the situation, and they knew just as much as you did. Percy apparated to his childhood home after he noticed you weren’t at the flat, a scowl on his face. Anger brewed at the surface.

So here you were. At the burrow watching the fight between you fiancé and his father unfold. You stood behind the doorframe leading into the living room.

“Percy, what’s going on? Y/N came over here and told us you’ve been distant,” Arthur inquired, concerned for his son’s future marriage.

“Our relationship is none of your business!” Percy shouted.

Molly rushed into the room furious. “Don’t talk to your father like that! He’s trying to help you!”

“Well it doesn’t help he’s not the best role model.”

You entered the room with watery eyes. “Percy, please stop. I just want to know what’s bothering you.”

He looks at you and struggles to find the right words. “You know what’s wrong? The fact that I have to deal with a lousy reputation at the Ministry because my father’s strange obsession with muggles! I’m being poked fun at all the time! I’m told I’m just going to end up like you,” he pointed to Arthur. “A person with little to no ambition. You want to stay in your low paying job dealing with muggles. That’s the reason why we’re so poor! Don’t you feel feel awful that your children can’t afford robes for school?” Percy’s voice crescendoed into a scream. His words could be heard throughout the house.

You and your future parent in-laws stood there in shock. This wasn’t like Percy at all.

“How long? How long have you been feeling like this?” you asked barely above a whisper.

“I’ve been made fun of because I’m a Weasley in school, but I thought I would prove myself once I got out. But once I started working at the Ministry, I was met with the same comments I heard before I graduated. I don’t want my future family to have the same experience.”

“I- I’m sorry my job has affected you like that,” Arthur apologized, “I had no idea.”

Molly put a hand on her husband’s arm. “Percival Ignatius Weasley. You do NOT talk to your father that way. He has been working hard your entire life and longer to provide for this family! And he’s doing what he loves despite all the jeers he gets from his coworkers. I would say he’s ambitious.”

“It’s not just that, Mum. Crouch and others high up have been telling me Dumbledore is making up You-Know-Who is back to make the Ministry look bad. And you’ve been helping him spread this rumor! They’re starting to question my loyalty!” Percy was upset again.

“But they should listen to Dumbledore. Harry is warning us, and if we don’t do anything now, it will be too late. We can’t wait for the Ministry to sound the alarm after the death eaters start terrorizing again,” his father defended himself.

“We can’t ‘sound the alarms’ just because he believes every word Potter says! His claim is rubbish. There’s no evidence!”

“Why would they not believe Harry? He can hear Voldemort talking to him; he has visions, Perce,” you interjected.

He stormed over to you and grabbed your hand. Before he apparated you back to the flat, he turned to his parents and his face softened. “Please stop associating with Dumbledore. I can’t be around people who are against the Ministry.”

“You know we can’t do that,” Arthur said in an apologetic tone. He crosses his arms and shook his head.

“Fine.”

You made it home, Percy still holding your hand. The floorboards were more interesting than your teary eyes. You finally cleared your throat and tried to find a place to start. “I think...you were a little harsh on your father.” you said choosing your words carefully.

“But he’s put me through so much. I can’t take the way people judge me based on my father’s choices.”

“Perce, he hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s just the way people view muggles. They’re obsessed with how pure their blood is, and condemn Arthur for being passionate about non magical people just because he’s “pure blood.””

“But he could have chosen any other job! He could have been in a higher office, but he chose this!”

“I mean this in the beat way possible, so you can hopefully change your mindset. You’re being disgusting and selfish. It’s not like you to be concerned with someone’s blood status,” you put your hands on his arms and shook him lightly.

He scoffed and tore himself from your grasp. “Disgusting? Selfish? In the best way possible? If I didn’t know any better, I’d assume you’ve been spending too much time with my parents. Oh. And why did you go to them and talk about our relationship?”

You flinched at the harshness in his voice. “I’m sorry. I should have used better words, but I hate thinking you dislike your father because some of your coworkers think they’re better than them. And I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told your parents about our problems, but I didn’t know who else to go to?”

Percy took off into the bedroom and paced in front of the bed. “Maybe your fiancé?”

You threw your arms up in frustration. “Percy, I tried! Every time I wanted to talk about what’s bothering you, you always brushed me off. If you won’t talk about it, who will?”

“Do you really believe in what Dumbledore is saying? About You-Know-Who?” He asks, changing the subject.

“Of course. Why would he try to make the Ministry look bad?”

Percy pulled a trunk out from the closet and started to fill it with clothes. “Percy! Wh-what are doing?”

“I can’t let anyone know my fiancée supports Dumbledore. I think we need a break.”

A sob escaped your lips as you realised he was leaving you. “Please. Can I do anything to make you stay? I don’t want you to leave,” you begged.

He locked the trunk and walked toward the door. Percy stopped in front of you with a pained look on his face. His voice sounded like he was trying not to cry, “Come find me when you’ve stopped being around Dumbledore’s supporters. They’re bad influences.” And he left.

——

You couldn’t afford the rent of the small flat, so you sent a letter to the Weasleys asking for a place to stay. They kindly let you take Percy’s old room where you spent most of your nights crying. Wondering why your fiancé left you. Wasn’t he the guy all those years ago who helped carry your books to class? Didn’t he get down on one knee and promise he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you? It didn’t make sense why he would sever his ties with his family.

Molly tried to go talk some sense into him and tell him you missed him, but he shut the door as soon as she opened her mouth to speak. Not long after that his Christmas sweaters arrived by owl without a letter explaining why he sent them back.

Everyone was upset by his actions. You constantly had to reassure his parents it wasn’t their fault. Arthur’s job isn’t something he should be ashamed of; pure blood families are obsessed with their status, and will bully everyone who doesn’t share the same values and beliefs. Molly didn’t do anything wrong; she was standing up for her husband which she’s done hundreds of times. The red head family also helped you process your break in the relationship. They were always there to distract yourself or give you much needed advice.

The days blurred together as you started to work long shifts at St. Mungo’s as a healer, finally completing your training. A lot happened in the following months: Hogwarts was back in session, Arthur was injured, the war was about to start, and you and Ron received letters from Percy. Nothing good came from the neat scrawl on the fancy parchment. Ron was told to stop hanging out with Harry as “he’s a bad influence,” and your engagement was called off since it’s been months since you’ve talked.

You agreed with him on that point. What’s the use of being engaged to a man that doesn’t want to be associated with your views? You distracted yourself from the pain by preparing for the battle at Hogwarts with The Order. You taught everyone basic healing spells and what to do in certain medical emergencies.

——

The night before the battle you were sitting on your bed, knees pulled into your chest, as you contemplated the danger of what’s to come. You couldn’t sleep, too anxious for tomorrow. Everyone went to their rooms for the night no doubt in the same position you were in. A knock at the window startled you. You whipped your head to see a large owl holding a letter addressed to you in its claws.

You got up from you bed and open the window. You recognised the neat, loopy writing immediately. Percy. You didn’t exactly want to read what was inside; he already said he didn’t want to marry you anymore. What else does he want to tell you?

You reluctantly tore the letter open and began to read.

Y/N,

I am so sorry. You didn’t deserve the way I treated you. I shouldn’t have left you because those at the Ministry wouldn’t approve of your views. It was wrong of me to let my coworkers cloud my views of my family, the love of my life, and my father. Although it’s not an excuse for my behavior, I snapped after hearing people talk poorly of my loved ones constantly at school and work. I can’t believe I let it get the better of me. I plan to talk to my family tomorrow before the war. I want to talk to them before anything happens. I don’t know what I’ll do if I won’t get to fight by their side. Merlin, Y/N, I still love you. I miss you so much, and I know I’ve hurt you. If you’d like, here’s the address to come see me. It’s understandable if you don’t want to.

Sincerely and with love, Percy

You read the letter over and over not quite sure if you were happy or not. He’s said some awful things to you and his family, and you weren’t sure if you were ready to forget that. And he still loved you. Gosh you loved him too, but you didn’t want to become engaged again. You still had a lot to think about.

You decided you were going to see him after all. Who knows, this could be your last night alive. You wrote a quick note to the Weasleys explaining where you were going and left the letter there for them to read.

——

The flat in London was fairly nice. It no doubt cost a pretty galleon. You walked up the steps to the brass knocker on the door that read “112 A” and knocked. The door opened less than a minute later, and a shocked red head stood before you.

“Y/N. You actually showed up,” he breathed and motioned for you to enter the flat.

You stepped through the doorway to find a well lit apartment; beautiful yet simple furniture was placed throughout the room.

“Looks nice in here,” you complimented, not sure where to start.

“Thanks. It’s not the homely as our home on Diagon Alley.” He cleared his throat. “I heard you’re living with the rest of my family. At the Burrow I mean.”

“Yeah. I couldn’t keep up with the rent.”

Percy looked at you with a look that showed he felt awful for letting that happen.

“I understand why you felt like you had to prove you were loyal to the Ministry, but cutting off your family? Calling off your engagement?! Percy I loved you!” You were now sobbing in front of the man who was your fiance. He really wants to pull you in for a hug, but he knew you were furious.

“I loved you, too. It was wrong and disgusting of me to disown my family. I still love you. If you don’t want to be with me anymore, that’s fine.”

You wiped your tears and waited until you could speak again without sobbing again. “I want to be with you again, too. But I’m not sure if that’s the best idea, Perce. It’s been months since we’ve spoken. And you said some pretty awful things.”

Percy looked away and tried not to cry. He messed up big time, and there’s nothing he can do to reverse the damage.

“I know,” he whispered.

“I’m going to need time to rethink everything.”

He nodded as a response, looking down at his feet. You walked up to him and hugged him tightly. He wrapped his arms around you and buried his face in your hair.

“Can you please stay the night? I just need someone to hold before tomorrow.”

You nodded a yes as you wished for the same thing. You needed comfort, and this took you back to a time where all you had to worry about was a potions test. Who knew what tomorrow could bring?

#percy weasley x reader #percy weasley x y/n #percy weasley x you #percy weasley

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infested-tea · 3 years ago

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Monoma x Tetsutetsu Bday One-shot

I missed his birthday! FUCK!!! Ok. Happy late birthday Monoma!

Also some line breaks are off bc Tumblr is being a shithead.

Also, Tetsutetsu is trans bc I headcanon him as that and is mid transition so...

I love this ship so fucking much and it’s great.

Warning for: A bunch of fluff! Little bit of angst Monoma, a mention of abuse,

Also, these two will be dating throughout High School and are now adults, takes place one year after graduation.

Alright let’s go!

Favorite Places

Tetsutetsu let out a sigh. He stared at his beautiful boyfriend lying on his chest. He held him tighter with a hum.

The two spent the night together in Neito’s apartment. The blond said he had been feeling lonelier than normal lately. So, of course Tetsutetsu had to come. It was the manliest thing to do!

The sun outside was beginning to peak its yellow face out from behind the blinds. Tetsutetsu grabbed his phone, he saw a text from Kendo.

Big Fist: Did you forget Monoma’s birthday?

Tetsutetsu felt a rush of panic. It completely slipped his mind! He didn’t even have a gift! Usually, Neito would love being spoiled and would remind him every year so Tetsutetsu could do it. Strangely, he didn’t this year.

Iron Hide: ...Maybe...

Big Fist: You did. Oh lord. Tetsu, you better find something to please him. You know how he gets.

Iron Hide: I know... I promise! I’ll make it the best ever.

Big Fist: You better. He’s a lil’ shit buts he’s out lil’ shit.

Big Fist: He’s been kinda off recently. Has he told you anything?

Iron Hide: No. He told me yesterday to come over. He’s been really distant lately.

Tetsutetsu heard Neito shift with a sigh. Tetsutetsu quickly texted Kendo goodbye before smiling down at the blond on top of him. Neito’s blue eyes fluttered open, being greeted to a toothy grin from a silver-haired iron shark.

“Morning, Neito!” Tetsutetsu greeted cheerily. Neito hummed in response, snuggling closer to Tetsutetsu’s face and kissing his cheek. Tetsutetsu felt his face warm up. He heard the blond chuckle.”Morning.” He smiled sleepily.

Tetsutetsu loved mornings like this. It was the one time Monoma was Neito, instead of just Monoma. He would smile easier and was so much more relaxed. And then they had to go out into public, and Monoma changed. His shell came back.

Now, Monoma had become less of an egotistical, slightly unhinged maniac. But, the facade of “I’m better than you” never truly dropped away fully unless Monoma was comfortable being Neito around you.

And Neito trusted no one more than iron boy. And Tetsutetsu knew that, and promised himself he would never betray it.

Tetsutetsu kissed Neito’s forehead with a smile.”I love you. So much.” He mumbled. Neito’s face went beat red at his words. He pouted.”Unfair...” He protested. Tetsutetsu giggled. He always did that whenever the silver-haired boy said those magic words.

Neito sighed contently.”I love you too.” Tetsutetsu beamed at him. He wrapped his arms around Neito’s smaller frame and cuddled him. Neito felt his face redden as he was buried deeper into his boyfriend’s chest.

Everything was quiet for a moment, Tetsutetsu softly stroking the blond’s soft hair and Neito refusing to show his face. Until, the blond’s hold on his boyfriend’s shirt tightened. Tetsutetsu’s gaze immediately shot to the blond in worry. “What’s wrong?” Tetsutetsu asked.

Neito mumbled something that was muffled by the shirt. Tetsutetsu repeated the question.”I said nothing!” He snapped.

Tetsutetsu went quiet. He looked at Neito with sad puppy-dog eyes.”I’m sorry... I’ve just been worried. You’ve been... off the past couple of days.”

Neito looked away from Tetsutetsu, biting his thumb. Something he usually did when he was overthinking. Tetsutetsu sat up and cradled Neito.”You’ve been weird the past couple of days, baby... It scares me when you don’t tell me what’s bother you. You know I’m always here for you and-“

Tears burst out of Neito eyes. Tetsutetsu instinctively burst forward and trapped Neito in a tight, protective hug.

Neito sobbed for what felt like forever. And all Tetsutetsu could do was rock back and forth gently and run his fingers through the blond’s hair comfortingly.

After a while, Neito’s shoulders stopped heaving and his breathing became steadier. A few tears still slipped down his face, but Tetsutetsu kissed them away.

Neito held onto Tetsutetsu tightly.”My dad...” Was all he mumbled out. Tetsutetsu felt a familiar spark of anger at the mention. He looked at Neito worriedly, inspecting him.”He didn’t lay a hand on you did he? What happened? Are you ok?” Tetsutetsu stopped at the last question. He clicked his tongue.”Well... obviously not. But that’s not the point!” Tetsutetsu grabbed Neito’s chin so he would look at him. The blond’s red, tear-stained face and puffy eyes made his chest ache. And his own dad did this. Though Tetsutetsu himself was all to familiar with parents like Monoma’s.

Neito shook his head. He wiped his eyes furiously. Tetsutetsu knew how much Monoma hated crying. He thought he looked ugly when he did.

Tetsutetsu moved the blond’s hands, taking them in his and rubbing his boyfriends palms with his thumbs. Neito didn’t look at him. He was quietly sobbing at this point. Tetsutetsu laid a kiss on Monoma’s lips.

“Hey. You’re with me today, ok? It’s just me and you. All day.” Tetsutetsu reassured, wrapping his arms gently around Neito in a hug. Neito gripped onto the silver-haired boy’s shirt as if Tetsutetsu would float away if he didn’t.

“So, what happened?” Tetsutetsu asked. Neito felt tears threaten to overflow again. Tetsutetsu rested a hand on his blond hair, shushing him quietly. Neito quieted down to a whimper. He refused to look at his boyfriend, burying his trash face in his shirt.

“My dad... he...” Neito trailed off, his voice went from a sob to pure rage.”When I told him I wouldn’t spend dinner with him for my birthday instead of you, he started yelling at me. Going on about how filthy I was for being a queer and how stupid I was for thinking I was with a man over a women.” His eyes darted to Tetsutetsu, full of desperation.”You are a man! You’re my prince! And I tried to tell him that you are a boy, no matter what a damn peace of paper says, and he kept going on and on about how stupid I was. And how you were fucking pathetic. I couldn’t take it anymore! I couldn’t deal with it.” Neito’s voice became like ice.”I don’t care anymore if he insults me or hits me. But if he brings you into it...” Neito gritted his teeth, looking down, gripping onto Tetsutetsu until his knuckles were white.”I get so mad... I get so fucking angry. And I couldn’t... I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I had to walk away. Like you guys always tell me to do. But he kept following me and insisting I was an issue, and calling you all this fucked up bullshit. The bastard... I tried defending you, Tetsu! I really did! But it was to much. He cut me... even when I tried to walk away. I tried to run. And I did... and I felt like such a fucking coward...” Neito trailed off, looking away in shame from his boyfriend.

“Neito...” Tetsutetsu pulled the smaller boy into a tight hug, catching the blond off guard.”Don’f listen to that bastard! You’re amazing! And beautiful! And incredible! And the fucking manliest man ever and I love you so much! I’m so sorry you’re dad doesn’t see that!” Tetsutetsu nuzzled into Neito’s neck. He heard Monoma let out a faint chuckle, he felt a hand on his silver hair. Neito sniffed.”Thank you, Tetsu.”

The silver-haired boy kissed Monoma’s forehead.”Of course!” Neito smiled softly to himself. Tetsutetsu chuckled, nuzzling Neito’s face with his own. Neito’s face was beet red.

Tetsutetsu chuckled, laying his forehead against the blond’s.”You’re so cute.” He mumbled. Neito ruffled Tetsutetsu’s hair.”I feel like you’re addressing the wrong person.” He replied smoothly. Tetsutetsu laughed, blushing.”Hey, Neito. Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday today? You always do. You know how much of an airhead I am.” Tetsutetsu muttered.

Neito eyes widened.”Why? It’s my birthday? I completely forgot...” Neito breathed. Tetsutetsu eyes widened in alarm. He tackled Neito in a hug.”You forgot you’re own birthday... That’s how much this was bothering you, huh?” Neito nodded. Tetsutetsu kissed Monoma on the cheek.”Y’know, Imma spoil you today! Even more than I did last year! This is gonna be the best birthday ever for you!” He stated determinedly.

Neito looked at Tetsutetsu shyly with a small smile.”You better.” He mumbled. He kissed his cheek and wrapped his arms around Tetsutetsu’s neck.”Though I don’t know how you can top this.” Neito commented.

Tetsutetsu puffed out his chest.”I am gonna try. A man conquers any challenge full force!” He announced proudly. Neito ruffled his hair and kissed him.”Yeah... just don’t rush in head first this time.” He joked. Tetsutetsu hugged Neito tightly.”I thought you liked that about me...” he pouted. Neito sighed, rolling his eyes.”I do. But I also need to reign in your worst habits.”

Tetsutetsu narrowed his eyes at him. Neito booped his nose.”Come on. Get ready.” Neito walked out of the room, Tetsutetsu watching him go with a blush. Neito often wore booty shorts to bed and... well...

Neito leaned out of the door to see Tetsutetsu staring off into space. He sighed.”Lovely. You need to get ready and stop staring at my ass.” Neito left before his voice came out from the hall.”And remember to brush your hair.”

Tetsutetsu took a couple minutes to get ready. Throw on a binder, a baggy shirt, and sweats. And some basic hygiene. While Neito, took twenty minutes.

But, Tetsutetsu was a patient soul. And he knew Monoma liked putting on make-up in the morning. At least he didn’t take an hour like during pride.

Neito came out, hair done and face pretty. He wore a casual shirt with a black jacket and pants. Tetsutetsu felt himself blush. Frankly, Neito looked great in anything. And this was no exception.

“Alright, where too then? Since you’re spoiling me.” Neito asked innocently. Tetsutetsu thought for a moment. He would say the arcade, because then he could win Monoma a plushie. As it is a tradition for Tetsutetsu to get him one every once in a while. And by that, that means about every few months.

But he needed to go above and beyond. He hit his hand into his fist at an idea. He grabbed Neito by the hand and dragged him out of his apartment and down the road. Tetsutetsu was a hero. And his paycheck had come in for the month.

“W-where are we going?” Neito asked.”You’ll see!” Was all his boyfriend replied, smiling to himself.

Neito followed quietly when the two arrived at a fancy looking restaurant. It was a high tower, glass walls at the top of the building. Normally, you would have to book a reservation. But heroes had special access as long as they paid a little extra.

Neito looked at Tetsutetsu in surprise. Tetsutetsu was probably the polar opposite of Monoma when it came to what they prefer to dates. A date to Tetsutetsu was the gym or just cuddling at home watching a movie. To Neito, it was a fancy dinner and also cuddling at home.

So, for them to come to a place like this, took Neito off guard. Tetsutetsu seemed to realize something.”Oh... I nearly forgot.” He looked at Neito thoughtfully.”You want me to call Aoyama, Kendo, Ojiro, and Shinso over?”

Neito thought for a moment. He hugged Tetsutetsu from behind.”No. I just want you today.” He mumbled. Tetsutetsu hummed. He patted Monoma on the head.”Alright.” He replied warmly.

The two walked in, Tetsutetsu getting a table after a bit of begging. Although neither of them were dressed to fit the scene, maybe Monoma, Tetsutetsu on the other hand...

Although, Monoma didn’t really cared about the stares of the waiters or the customers. Neither were popular heroes. Not yet anyway. But it was only year 1. They had plenty of time.

Tetsutetsu however, was shrinking back underneath the intense, judgemental gaze. Neito never knew why it was judgement that Tetsutetsu was afraid of. He was so laid back and sociable all the time, it was a stark contrast.

Monoma started leading Tetsutetsu around the restaurant. He squeezed his boyfriends hand gently. Tetsutetsu seemed to snap out of his gaze. He walked closer to Monoma who led them to the elevator to the top floor. It was more private up there, and Tetsutetsu paid even more than he would’ve to sit up there.

Because there, you could see the entire city. Even if it was just midday, it was still a pretty sight. And it was Monoma’s favorite spot anywhere. Well... almost. It was a close third. There were two more.

Tetsutetsu and him sat in a booth far away from the few people that were already there. Neito looked at Tetsutetsu gratefully. Under the table, he took Tetsu’s hand and intertwined their fingers. He rested his head on the taller boys shoulders. Tetsutetsu felt himself blush profusely.

The waiter come over and seemed to stare at the two. Neito shot up, but kept his hand on Tetsutetsu’s. The two quickly ordered their food. Tetsutetsu of course, trying to order anything with spinach in it. Monoma getting his own french cuisine.

The two ate, and ended up talking, mostly Tetsutetsu going on about work and other things while Neito ended up complaining about 1A or a comic he read that day.

It was almost dusk by the time they finished. Neito sighed to himself.”Time truly does fly.” He commented, looking as the sky was just beginning to turn pink. Tetsutetsu was stuffing cake in his face. Neito gave him a sideways glance and he paused, fork in mouth. He smiled at Neito and Neito felt himself blush.

“We should get going. It’s getting late.” He mumbled. Tetsutetsu nodded in response.

The two got out to the street, the sun dipping down into the horizon. Tetsutetsu looked at it, than at Neito. The blond’s eyes were fixed to the sky, the colors reflecting in those already beautiful blue orbs.

Tetsutetsu thought again for a moment. Since they took so long eating, well... dinner would probably be skipped. At least for Monoma. He was always so picky when it comes to overeating.

“So, what now?” Neito asked. Tetsutetsu hummed cheerily, leading Neito to the docks. Neito followed quietly and curiously, unknowing of Tetsutetsu’s brilliant plan.

It was a bit of a walk, Neito’s feet started hurting by this point, when they approached a warehouse. Neito looked at it in suspicion.

Tetsutetsu hummed to himself as he opened the door. The two climbed to the roof, where Neito felt his stomach churn.

Neito’s second favorite spot was a double-edged sword. At one hand, he got to watch the sunset. On the other hand...

Monoma looked the ground. It was at least 2 stories below him. He gripped Tetsutetsu’s arm, feeling himself get sick. Tetsutetsu held him tight.”Hey. It’s ok. I won’t let ya fall.” Tetsutetsu soothed. Monoma nodded.

He glanced out from between Tetsutetsu’s arms as he was sat on the taller boy’s lap. He felt his boyfriend’s warmth against his own, soothed by the tight arms. He let out a shaky breath as he leaned back and stared at the sunset.

The sun was peaking its head, dipping it into the sea, lighting the sky aflame with oranges, reds, and yellows all blending together as if a painter took a brush to it themself. Neito closed his eyes, listening to the sound of the sea mixed with Tetsutetsu’s breathing. He snuggled into Tetsu’s chest. He felt Tetsu’s arms wrapped around him tighter, nuzzling into the blond’s hair with a happy sigh.”I love you.” He mumbled.

Monoma suddenly remembered the feelings he had for the past month. The guilt he had for not defending Tetsu like he should’ve.”Tetsu... I love you too but...” He looked away from the iron-quirked boy.

Tetsutetsu felt a tug of fear in his heart.”What’s the matter?” He asked, eyesbrows furrowed. Neito sighed.”I still... I’m guilty I didn’t defend you... from my dad. It pisses me off. He pisses me off. I don’t...” Neito felt tears well up.

Tetsutetsu hugged Neito tightly.”It’s ok, Neito. And hey... you walked away like you’ve been told too. I’m proud of you for that. I know stuff like that is hard. But I’m so damn proud of you. And we don’t have to listen to that damn bastard and his dumbass opinions. We’re happy and that’s all that matters, alright Neito?” Tetsutetsu looked at the blond with a glance full of all his love, passion, and affection he had for him and then some. Neito felt his heart flutter at the gaze. Tears streamed down his face at his words. He smiled as he hugged Tetsutetsu.

This was his favorite place anywhere. In the arms of the one he loves most, and the one who loves him most.

Tetsutetsu looked at him in alarm.”Are you ok? You’re crying again.” Neito kissed Tetsutetsu on the lips, in a brief but sweet kiss. Neito wiped his eyes.”Yeah, I’m fine.” His make-up was probably messed up at this point, but he didn’t care.

“Tetsu... My Prince. Love of my life. Thank you.” Monoma whispered earnestly. Tetsutetsu smiled at him softly. He planted a gentle kiss on his forehead. “Of course.” Tetsutetsu hugged him.”I’m so proud of you. How strong you are. How brave. How incredibly beautiful. Everything.” Tetsutetsu felt his breath caught in his throat as the sun reflect off of Monoma’s face like a perfect picture painted by a skillful hand. His make-up was messed up and eyes red. But he was beautiful nonetheless.

Neito out his forehead against Tetsu’s as the silver-haired boy kept mumbling his praises. Neito shushed him by putting a finger to his lips.”Hush and look at me.” Tetsutetsu’s face was red as he did so. ‘So close.’ He thought.

Neito kissed his lips.”I’m proud of you too, lovely.” He whispered. Tetsutetsu beamed at the praise.

Neito laughed again at him. And the two stayed there for the rest of the time, watching stars for the sky.

Neito was in his favorite place on earth now.

Home.

Home, for him, was Tetsutetsu, and he would always appreciate that.

18 notes · View notes

ren1327 · 4 years ago

Text

Sweater Weather ch.5

Ben and Kenji watched Bumpy as she slept on Ben’s lap, Carmen sitting next to him to stroke her flank as she read her new manga, brown eyes scanning over each detail of the art.

Kenji had sat on the sofa and Ben flush against him, acting as the comfortable partner and lover.

But Ben couldn’t help but feel how comfortable Kenji was. How well he fit to his side. How warm this image of them with a dog and his sister relaxing in the living room was. He leaned his head back and Kenji looked away from the movie to nuzzle in his hair.

Ben wanted this to real if only to feel the comfort and trust in that single moment.

“Dinner’s ready.” Candy said as she came in, pausing to look at them and smile.

Bumpy yipped and stood, stretching before she followed Candy to her new bowl in the corner of the dining room on a soft rug.

Ben got up and Kenji followed, Carmen calling she wanted to finish the next few pages.

Kenji pulled out Ben’s chair and smiled when he sat down with a soft thank you.

Once Carmen was seated, Kenji sat between where Kosei would sit at the head and Ben.

Candy brought out a savory casserole with meat, cheese, tortillas and chili. She then placed down bowls of red rice, refried beans, chips, red and green salsa and cabbage.

“Enchilada casserole!” Carmen said excitedly, then looked at Ben from across the table. “It’s Kenji’s favorite!”

Kenji nodded and was happy to help Ben fill his plate.

Once he had a substantial amount of everything, Ben noticed they were watching him. He then saw that they were holding hands.

“Are you comfortable with grace, Ben?” Candy asked.

“I…yes ma’am.” He said and took Kenji’s and Carmen’s hands.

The family closed their eyes and he noticed only Candy and Kenji bowed their heads. He quickly closed his own eyes as Candy prayed outload.

“Dear provider and father above, thank you for reuniting our family this winter. Thank you for the safe journey of my son and our transition into our new home. Thank you for blessing us with Ben and Bumpy. And thank you for giving us so much more to be thankful for and love. And we say”

“Amen.” She and her family chorused.

Ben lowered his hands and smiled, blushing as he held back tears.

“Ben?!” Carmen asked and Ben quickly wiped his cheeks.

“Sorry. Sorry. It’s just been a while since I’ve prayed.”

“We don’t expect you to be obligated to, Honey.” Candy said and Kosei nodded.

“How you express or don’t express your faith is up to you. But thank you for joining our thanks.” Kosei said gently.

“Does your family have a faith?”

“I uh, I think we were Jewish.” He said.

“Think you were?” Kosei asked.

“Um, my mom was the religious one and um…my Uncle got work overseas so it’s uh…just been me.” He said.

“What?”

“I didn’t want to stress my uncle out and he knew I was with friends and I haven’t…I haven't even told him about Kenji to be honest. It’s been so long and I…”

“Oh, Sweetie.” Candy whispered. “and your mother—”

“Mom.” Kenji said and she covered her mouth in surprised.

Kosei sighed softly as Carmen looked from her parents to Ben, slowly putting the pieces together.

“Oh, Ben. I'm sorry…” She whispered.

“It’s okay. She’s with my dad and I know if I work hard, I can make them proud.” He said, sounding robotic at this point.

“Well, if it’s not too candid…You always have a place in this family. Even as a friend.” Kosei said and Ben smiled, wiping his cheeks again.

“I’m sorry. I made dinner awkward.”

Kenji put a hand on his and look him in the eye. “Never be sorry for expressing how you feel.”

Ben nodded as he looked down at his food. He took a bite…

And coughed hard, grabbing a napkin and holding it to his running nose and burning mouth.

“Oh my gosh!” Carmen said and gave Ben his water. “Kenji! Did you give him the green salsa?!”

“What? It’s not that hot?” Kenji said, grabbing his own napkin for Ben to switch out.

“Mijo, you’ve been eating jalapenos since you were in diapers! Mamita, get him some of the banana milk.” She said.

Carmen quickly got up and returned, twisting open a school cafeteria looking yellow bottle of milk and handing it to Ben, who sipped it slowly, panting softly as he finished it. He then whirled on his pretend boyfriend.

“You’re not human!” He said to Kenji, who was trying to hold back his laughter.

“Stop…stop laughing…” Carmen said, placing a hand over her mouth to hide her own smile.

“I reacted horribly the first time I had the green salsa too, Ben.” Kosei said. “I was sweating while pretending I wasn’t affected, then got sick later.”

“I told you not to put so much. You need to build up to that amount!” Candy said and Ben laughed imaging such a regal looking man sweating and red faced.

“Okay. Stay away from the green sauce.” Ben said. “I’ll remember for next time.”

He took a bite of the casserole and nearly melted.

“Wow…”

“One of the perks of my marriage.” Kosei joked, making Candy huff and roll her eyes with a smile.

“One of many, I hope.” She said.

Kosei took her hand. “Too many to count.”

“Ew. Mom. Dad.”

“Oh, they get to flirt, but us older folk don’t?” She asked her daughter, who giggled.

“So!” Carmen said, gaining everyone’s attention. “How did you two meet?”

“Online.”

“Friends.”

Ben and Kenji looked at each other and Kenji stuttered.

“W-well, we met through friends online…”

Ben put his hand over Kenji’s, smiling at him with steely eyes. Kenji’s mouth shut as Ben hunched his shoulders.

“Its kind of embarrassing really.” He started. “You see, he was video chatting with Sammy. And Sammy and I have been friends for so long…we were comfortable around each other. So one day, while Yaz was at a retreat, I had gotten out of the shower and was only in my boxer briefs because I forgot my clothes in my room.”

Carmen and Kosei looked scandalized as Candy covered her mouth.

Ben blushed as if it were true as he continued. “So, being so comfortable with Sammy, I was drying my hair as I walked nearly naked past her and Kenji unfortunately got an eyeful of my pale chicken legs. The scream I let out.”

Kenji chuckled just imagining the scene.

“And then I asked him for his number.” Kenji said with a shrug.

Candy laughed. “That sounds very like you, Kenji.”

“Texting Ben and calling him leveled me down. Made me want to come back just to…” He paused and shook his head, interlacing his fingers with Ben.

“He makes me happy.”

“So you two are still new to a lot of things.” Candy said. “Despite talking for three months.”

“Yeah.” Ben said and smiled at Kenji, almost genuinely. “He’s way taller than I expected.”

“But you’re just as cute.” Kenji said, making Ben blush deeply.

“Aw~!” Carmen cooed and Kosei scoffed at his daughter.

“Now, now.” He said, then turned to the boys. “Ben, I never asked. Do you prefer a separate room?”

“Excuse me?”

“Dad!”

“We understand how couples are and respect how you express your love.” Candy said. “As long as you’re safe. However, if you’ve only started being together…”

“Stop, stop this now.” Kenji said.

“I’ll be okay with Kenji.” Ben said with a nod. “He takes really great care of me and respects my wishes.”

Kosei nodded in approval of his son. “I am very happy to hear so.”

“Ben, I have to ask because it’s been bothering me…what’s that scar on your upper arm?” Candy asked.

Ben looked at the jagged scar on his left bicep. He covered it.

“It’s…from an old relationship.”

Carmen gasped and Kosei placed his glass down, eyes hard as he looked at Ben. Kenji squeezed his hand.

“What?”

“It was way before I met Kenji.” Ben said. “And I never brought it up because…”

“No, sweetheart, I’m so sorry.” Candy whispered.

“It’s fine. He’s…” He took a deep breath. “He’s gone and I’m far, far away from him.”

Kenji pulled Ben’s hand to rest on his chest. “Ben…don’t be scared to tell me things. I won’t judge you, ever.”

Ben smiled and kissed Kenji’s cheek.

“Thank you. All of you.”

Ben sat on the king sized Ben in Kenji’s room.

It was decorated in shades of red and gray, as opposed to the white and blue outside. He was dressed in an old t-shirt and pajama pants, Kenji showering.

The room was very…sparse.

It had rich dark wood furniture, plush latte colored carpet and pale pastel yellow walls that could be white in different light. Rich strawberry red bedspread and rugs and grey curtains and armchairs next to a white brick fireplace with a glass guard. There was a desk, a small table next to the large window with the armchairs next to the fireplace and with another tall, small surfaced table. The bed was in the middle of the back wall, two nightstands holding touch lamps and piled with soft velvety red and grey pillows overstuffed, but comfortable enough to leave on when going to sleep.

Bumpy snored from her plush pet bed near the heating vent, exhausted from the busy day she had.

Ben felt himself already getting sleepy as he read one of the books Yaz had bought him as an early Christmas gift. He looked at his phone

He text Sammy.

B: I told them about J

S: WHAT?!?!?! Ben, you didn’t have to!

B: It felt right. I trust Kenji.

S: Okay. How do you feel?

B: A little better tbh Like Like I have some more eyes looking over my shoulders to watch my back Idk

S: Kenji would kick his ass into next year! I WOULD TOO!

B: Thanks, Sammy. We’re heading off to the hotel tomorrow. I’ll send you some pictures.

S: Be safe! Yaz said to say she misses you.

B: I miss you too. Love you both.

S: <3

Kenji came in dressed in flannel pajamas and looked at Ben, who was still curled up on the right side with his book.

“Um…”

“It’s okay. You’re probably cold.” Ben said, pretending to read his book as Kenji draped the damp towel over the back of his desk chair.

“Are you cold?” He asked.

Ben ducked his head a bit, not wanting to make a awkward situation more so.

Kenji reached into his bag and pulled out the soft knitted blue sweater he had worn to dinner. He held it out to Ben.

Ben blinked and suddenly, Kenji blushed.

“Sorry! I’ll get you a clean one or—”

“I’ll take it.” Ben said, taking it from his hands and pulling it over his shirt.

He blushed as he smelled Kenji’s cologne on the collar and wrists. Kenji got in bed next to him.

“What are you reading?” He asked Ben.

“A sequel series of this young adult…um…It’s a little complicated, but it focuses on my favorite characters from the first series.”

“Read a bit to me?”

“You wouldn’t understand it.” Ben said. “But if you want me too, I can explain plot details and stuff...”

“Okay.” Ben said and found where he had paused. “Magnus saw hundreds of masked people in elaborate costumes dancing in unison, and around them was music that could be seen as well as heard. As if ripped from a black-and-white sheet of paper and turned into bright, living shapes, the notes floated in the air, drifting along currents of musical lines and wrapping around the glittering masks and elaborate hair of the dancers. Along the ceiling, the constellations were moving; no, they were the orchestra…”

He noticed Kenji had relaxed and was dozing off, soft snores floating from him. Ben placed his bookmark inside the page and placed it on the nightstand. He touched the lamp, and the room went dark.

Kenji wiggled closer and hugged him loosely around the waist.

He smiled and pretended this was his life, with a loving boyfriend and his family and safe and loved—

“Sorry…Brooklynn…” Kenji groaned and Ben froze. He pulled away and rolled over, leaving Ben cold and feeling empty.

#jw fanfic #jw sweater weather #ben pincus #kenji kon #kenji x ben #kenji and ben #mentions of #red scrolls of magic #camp cretaceous fanfic #camp cretaceous sweater weather

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krsnbgirl · 4 years ago

Text

Timing || Dancer!Kuroo x Dancer!Fem!Reader || One Shot

Summary: Timing with Kuroo was never right. You met him through a studio collaboration and immediately the chemistry between the two of you was undeniable. The catch? He was finding his way in life and you were in a relationship. Now that time’s past and you’re each at different stages in life, will time be on your side?

Pairing: Kuroo Tetsurou x Fem!Reader

Word Count: ~6k

Warnings: Light swearing, Final stages of moving on, Emotional cheating (?), visual aids for choreography purposes.

Author’s Note: I’ve really been on a writing spree lately and have been dying to write a Dancer!Kuroo fanfic. I came across an old one-shot I abandoned in my drafts and decided to revamp it and have Kuroo as the main character ^^~ I hope you guys like it! Also currently working on a Kageyama x Reader Series if you’re interested! Let me know what you guys thought of this one shot though, love you guys! xoxo, Ren

You sighed as you stared blankly at the laptop screen in front of you. You were seated against the headboard of your bed with your legs crossed, just like how you’d sit in grade school. Running a hand through your hair, your eyes were glued on the picture that was enlarged on your Instagram feed. ‘I didn’t think he’d move on that quickly…’

In the picture was your ex-boyfriend standing in front of the entrance of the local amusement park with the new girl he was talking to. A slight heavy feeling came into your chest as you exited the browser and pushed the laptop to the side. You pushed yourself off of the bed and rearranged the sweatshirt you were wearing. Making your way towards your desk, your eyes landed on the cork board that was filled with different Polaroids. A nostalgic smile came upon your face as you sat down in front of your desk and took the photo pinned at the top-right corner into your hands. Your ex had his arm tightly around your waist as you both cheekily smiled at the camera. His head was comfortably resting on yours while you were pinching his cheek. You leaned against your chair as you played with the photo, memories flooding your mind. It was when you reached your one year anniversary with your ex. It happened during your freshman year of university and he decided to take you to the amusement park to relive your childhood memories. Now with your third year of university coming to an end, things were different. You bit your lip as your hand hovered over the trash can that was tucked underneath your desk. The Polaroid hung at the edge of your fingertips as you debated to finally put a closing to your most serious relationship to date. You and your ex had broken up around a year ago on mutual agreements. Going to different colleges and having such hectic schedules took a toll on the both of you. It eventually came down to the point where you had naturally drifted away from each other because of how different your circles and interests were. With a sigh, you turned over the photo to look at the message that was written on a small stationery note taped to its back.

To the most special girl in the world:

Life always seems more exciting when you’re around.

We managed to get through a year, so let’s aim for forever, yeah?

You’re the only person that understands me and gets how I think.

I love you, princess. - Terushima Yuji

Terushima was your first serious relationship having been best friends since high school and transitioned into being a couple as you matured into young adults. You were each other’s serious firsts and now that time’s passed, you realized that it was a part of life. One person could be your everything at one point and at some point, one outgrows the other if effort doesn’t come from both sides. In the end, you guys decided to still stay as friends. When the breakup was still fresh, you couldn’t believe it right after it happened. It didn’t actually hit you, but as time passed, the pain started to settle in and eventually you became numb to it. You were so used to having him by your side for so long and it hurt to see him move forward with life as you were just barely getting over him. You thought you’ve been doing fine after so long, but after seeing him post about a new girl, reality finally hit that things were never going to be the same again. An unexplained feeling came over you as you let that kind of realization settle over you. You were thankful that you could still be friends with Terushima, but now there were certain boundaries that you had to respect because he was no longer yours. He had a new girl in his life that he clearly loved and you were still single and finally ready to take the world on again. It was a good run while it lasted and you didn’t regret any moment of it. You felt as if you had come full circle with everything involving your ex. Rather than throwing the Polaroid away, you tucked the photo into the small memory box you kept in your desk. It would serve as a reminder just how much you’ve grown since that moment, plus first loves always had a special place in a person’s heart even after growing out of it.

“(Y/N)? There’s someone here to see you.” your roommate, Megumi, said as she poked her head into your room just as you closed the drawer of your desk shut.

You cocked your head to the side in curiosity as you got up and followed your best friend into the living room of your shared apartment.

“But I wasn’t expecting any visitors…” you murmured.

Megumi shrugged and replied, “I didn’t expect this person to come all the way either.”

As Megumi stepped out of your way and plopped herself onto the couch, you gasped and quickly walked over to hug the person who was standing by the TV, looking at your photos along the wall.

“Tetsurou!” you happily exclaimed and laughed as he spun you around.

“Hey, chibi-chan.” he greeted as he set you down and ruffled your hair.

“I thought you were going to teach a workshop in a studio in Seoul? What are you doing here in Tokyo? The last thing you told me was that you were in Paris.”

Kuroo smirked and said, “Well I had to cancel Seoul when Oikawa called me to headline one of the workshops for his studio. I couldn’t say no to an old friend, now could I? So....”

You arched an eyebrow and crossed your arms as he leaned down to meet your gaze. “I need someone to help me teach the piece I was planning on doing today. So, why not the person who co-choreographed it?

You couldn’t stop yourself from excitedly jumping and grabbing his arm. “You still remember that piece when our studios trained together?”

The latter nodded and straightened up, a warm smile spreading across his face. “Of course, chibi-chan. It’s one of my favorite pieces that I’ve ever choreographed to.”

With an amused smile, you nudged him in the stomach. “You’re such a dork.”

Kuroo chuckled and turned you around by your shoulders, pushing you towards your room. “Well what are you waiting for, slow poke? Go and get ready! We have about two hours to get it down before Oikawa starts to sass us!”

A warm feeling spread throughout your chest as you rushed into your room to put on something more suitable to dance in. You rummaged through your closet and slipped on an over-sized graphic T-shirt with a pair of black biker shorts.. Quickly, you threw your necessities into your duffel bag and exited your room. Kuroo and Megumi were catching up as you made a pit stop in the kitchen to grab water for you two.

“Alrighty, I’m set!” you smiled and tossed Kuroo his water as you made your way towards the shoe rack by the door.

As you guys slipped on your shoes, Kuroo pointed towards the shoes you were wearing and laughed.

“You were always the sneakerhead, huh?”

You playfully winked as you straightened up from retying the laces of your latest pair that you copped as a special little treat for yourself. “I got them recently after getting paid from my last dance gig. I got a hefty sum from it, so I decided that it was finally time to drop a little more than usual.”

Kuroo smiled to himself despite rolling his eyes at your statement. He opened the door for you and the two of you exited your apartment. Once you reached the lobby, you greeted the doorman as you made your way towards the spot where Kuroo parked. You smiled widely when Kuroo stopped by a slick, black sports motorcycle. Letting out a low whistle, you admired the vehicle as you slowly circled around it.

“And you finally got a motorcycle license. This is a total beauty, Kuroo. I’ve been waiting to get on this type of baby for a while.”

Kuroo laughed and tossed you the extra helmet he had in his storage compartment. “Just like you said, we gotta spoil ourselves once in a while right? Now c’mon get on.”

You waited for Kuroo to get settled first before getting on the back seat of his bike. An excited squeal escaped your lips as he revved up the engine. He slid down his visor before turning around to slip yours down as well. You bit your lip as he smirked at you before turning his attention towards the oncoming traffic.

“Better hold on tight.”

Shaking your head at him, you comfortable wrapped your arms around his waist as he began to take you guys to the studio. You smiled widely as you watched the city speed past you, a lively feeling spreading throughout your body. Ever since the breakup happened, you managed to keep yourself busy in order to take your mind off things. Though you were constantly picking up dance gigs and doing other side jobs or even simply cleaning up the apartment, there was always this empty feeling inside of you. But now that Kuroo was back and with you, it felt as if he helped you break the chains you locked yourself up with. Looking up at the bright sky, you breathed in the fresh air and enjoyed how the wind surrounded you. You felt alive. You felt free and genuinely happy for once. The world now looked brighter and you were happy that Kuroo was able to bring that out of you. Tightening your grip around his waist, you mentally thanked the heavens for bringing him back to you.

----

As you monitored the class while Kuroo taught the combination of the piece, you smiled to yourself as you listened to his dorky references. He managed to squeeze in a couple of science puns and you bemusedly shook your head as the whole class laughed, but also understood what he was trying to get at. You held in your breath as you went towards the front of the class to take over his spot so he could also monitor everyone’s progress with the choreography. He gave you a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder because of the unexpected variable that was added into your guys’ equation.

Once people started filing in for your class. Terushima and his new girl were part of the last few that trickled into the full class. He managed to catch you as you walked back in after taking a look at the roster and you were shocked to see them there. While Kuroo was trying to pick music for everyone to stretch to, Terushima walked up to you and introduced you to her. Apparently, she was also a dancer and wanted to take Kuroo’s class. When you met eyes with him, you couldn’t help but smile back at him once he gave you a small smile. The pain that you used to feel wasn’t there anymore and you realized that you really did move on just like he did. Turning your attention back towards the mirror, you met Kuroo’s gaze through your reflection and he gave you a nod of encouragement. You let out a deep breath before gathering everyone’s attention to continue where he left off to finish the piece.

Going over the last eight count, Kuroo ended up joining her in the front to teach together and they finished the workshop. You grooved to the music and let it take control of you as Kuroo danced beside you. When you heard the students having a fun time, you couldn’t help but laugh and smile. Everyone was grooving along with each other because it gave off that happy-go-lucky vibe that anyone could freestyle to. You didn’t even notice Terushima and his new girl as you surround yourself with other dancers. Kuroo would also try to divert your attention away from Terushima if he noticed your eyes wandering. It was hard to kill off old habits and you were glad that Kuroo was there to help you.

It was finally time for you and Kuroo to watch the students do it in groups without your guidance after splitting it in half. You leaned against the mirror as Kuroo did the routine full out while they were marking** it. The way that he moved was something that you admired a lot about him. He was always able to sit in the pocket and fully complete his moves despite his tall stature. You smiled to yourself as you watched the students’ expressions as he walked away and stood next to you. Shouting some encouraging words to them, you smiled at the students before restarting the music for them. As the entire class watched the first group, you leaned against the speaker and Kuroo nudged your arm. You gave him a questioning look and he nodded towards the back corner of the room. **(Marking a piece means going over the choreography with half the energy to really go over whatever a dancer is struggling with. It also helps figure out the right timing for certain moves.)

“You hanging in there?” he asked as you both watched Terushima hand the girl a towel to wipe off the sweat.

You shrugged, not really knowing how to answer. “I mean I didn’t really feel sad when I saw them in the beginning. But it’s just weird to see him in person, y’know?”

Kuroo chuckled and ruffled your hair as he noticed your eyebrows scrunch up and a small pout on your lips, continuing to listen to your small rant. “I tried not to really pay attention, but it’s hard when they’re showing excessive public displays of affection. God, were we that bad when we were together? And he just so happens to be dating another dancer, make it make sense.”

“There, there. Do you think he’s just trying to fill up that empty void since the both of you guys broke up?”

You grunted as you pushed yourself off of the speaker and said, “I don’t know... Honestly as long as he’s happy, then I guess I’ll be fine.”

“That’s my girl.” he praised and slung his arm over your shoulders.

You huffed and flicked his temple. He groaned and said, “Damn, I forgot how strong you could be sometimes.”

You two laughed as everyone clapped for the first group. As the second group filled the floor, you made your way to the front to do it while they marked it. You mentally groaned seeing that said ex and new girl were in your group. Your expression deadpanned and you looked in the mirror to see Kuroo hunched over his phone, trying to contain his laughter. Sighing, you shook away any last negative thought and looked at Kuroo once more. Although still laughing at your luck, his attention was on you and gave you a reassuring smile. ‘You got this, chibi-chan. Ignore them and dance for yourself,’ he mouthed as the music started. Listening to his advice, you ignored everyone around you once more and just danced to your heart’s extent.

There was a reason why the both of you decided to make choreography to this song when you guys were originally assigned as partners. When you sat down together to come up with an idea, you guys were equally going through a rough time. Kuroo was kicked out of his house for choosing dance over his family’s business while you and Terushima were constantly fighting. On your first night of practice, you ended up having a heart to heart with Kuroo. The both of you unintentionally opened up to each other because dance is being vulnerable with yourself physically and emotionally. After spilling out all of your emotions, you guys decided that you simply wanted to be happy. Dance was an escape for you and Kuroo. Kuroo shared the same passion and love you had for dance because you both related over how dancing helps release the day to day stress that piled up. It was just better to live in that moment of dancing all of your emotions out. When it was time to do it for the showcase, the both of you not only had the fastest combination, but your piece’s intentions really showed through the moves and expressions that were displayed on that stage. It was in that moment where you and Kuroo wanted to show the world what dance meant to each other. The song, the moves, and the meaning behind it shared their untold stories. You smiled widely as you watched yourself in the mirror and did the footwork with ease. Adding your own style and facials into it, you felt yourself letting go of everything that was hanging over your head for so long. After being reminded of the origins of the piece you taught with Kuroo, you didn’t care if you were going all in on it while the other dancers were marking it. Dancing with Kuroo by your side was the most you’ve felt alive in the longest time and you weren’t going to let this small moment of yours go to waste.

You smiled breathlessly as you ran back to Kuroo once the piece was over and it was time to watch the dancers once more. He handed you your towel and bottled water before patting you on the shoulder.

“You were amazing, cutie. I haven’t seen you dance like that in forever. You spark’s come back.”

Gulping down the water, you shrugged before giving him a bright smile. You tossed your bottle on the top of your bag and tiredly leaned against him. “I guess I just needed something to help let myself go.”

He adjusted his position so you could comfortably lean your head against his shoulder and you guys continued to watch the class.

“Let yourself go or to finally get some closure?” Kuroo asked.

“Both I guess…” You murmured as you found yourself smiling at Terushima and his girl dance to your and Kuroo’s choreography.

“I’m assuming tonight was something that really helped you then, huh?”

You nodded as everyone clapped for each other. Kuroo warmly gazed down at you and squeezed your cheek. “Then I’m happy that you’re happy.”

He walked off to let everyone get some water and you sighed, feeling grateful to have Kuroo in your life. Ever since he walked into your life, Kuroo always knew what to say when you came to him for advice. He was always willing to listen and be upfront with you if you were being stupid. Without knowing, Kuroo slowly became your best friend because of your shared love of dance and constant meetings for this piece. When he walked back to your shared corner, you couldn’t stop yourself before pulling him into a hug.

“I know I say this a lot, but...just...thanks for everything.” you murmured.

He set his head on top of yours and tightly hugged you back. “I’m always here for you, beautiful.”

You laughed and slightly pulled back to lightly smack his chest. “Oh stop it with these pet names, you dork.”

He let go of you as you told everyone to move to the front of the room. His focus changed towards his phone as he set up the music, a small smirk on his face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, chibi-chan. You’re cute and beautiful. I’m simply stating the truth.”

Kuroo only ever jokingly teased you, but seeing how he was being sincere with that compliment, you felt the heat creep up into your cheeks. Coughing to hide your blush, you rolled your eyes at him. “Ha, you’re so funny. Now c’mon, they’re expecting us to do it for them.”

He chuckled and let the music play as he grabbed your hand. You shook your head at him as you bit your lip, letting him lead you to the middle of the studio. As the both of you danced, the world around you two disappeared. It was just you and Kuroo, looking at the mirror and dancing the routine. You could feel Kuroo’s energy right next to you as you danced and interacted with each other. It brought back memories of your late night to early morning practices. Getting to dance with him once more brought back all of the jokes and heart to hearts that were exchanged during your shared bubble tea and food runs before or after rehearsals. All in all, you were starting to get the old butterflies you chose to ignore when you first met Kuroo.

When your attention came back to the present, you and Kuroo had finally finished the routine. Falling to the floor, everyone threw their shoes** at the both of you and you guys couldn’t help but laugh. All you felt was bliss as you laid on your back and Kuroo sat up, setting his elbows on top of his knees while you caught your breath. You looked up and smiled at Kuroo. It kind of surprised you how quick these old feelings quickly resurfaced and decided to just go with the flow. Throughout the night, Kuroo had been calling you different types of pet names and showed excessive skinship. You weren’t mad at it, but you were still unsure if he was implying something or being his regular affectionate self. **(Shoes being thrown at the choreographer or dancer doing the choreography is a sign of respect and admiration for killing the piece)

Everyone in the room began to chant for the both of you to do an encore since it was the end of the class. You groaned and Kuroo stood up, offering his hand for you to take. He easily hoisted you up and said, “You know we can’t keep the crowd waiting, right?”

You rubbed your forehead, trying to think up another piece you could do together, but over the past two years you collaborated with Kuroo multiple times. There was so much choreography that you guys shared and you puffed out your cheeks since the class wouldn’t let up with their chanting.

“What else is there?”

Kuroo gave you a mischievous smile before heading towards the stereo. He turned towards you, walking backwards and said, “Put your sweater on or else you’ll get cold.”

It didn’t register in your mind right away to what he implied as everyone quieted down. Everyone watched in anticipation as Kuroo scrolled through his phone for the specific song. Nevertheless, you followed his instructions and put on the sweater that you brought to wear after class ended. As the soft melody filled the air, you gasped and snapped your head towards Kuroo who was putting his sweater on as well. He smiled at you and walked up to you as you guys got into place. He nodded at the student he asked to press play for you guys to mark it and the both of you began to effortlessly move together.

This piece was made when the strong emotions you felt for each other was at its peak and your studio directors requested that you and Kuroo collaborated once more to represent your studios at a prefecture competition. The theme of it was ironically love and in the short time period given to you and Kuroo, the choreographed piece was what you two used to speak about your unspoken feelings for each other. You smiled to yourself as you continued to mark the piece since it was a bit on the lengthier side. It was honestly one of your favorite pieces of choreography ever and your mind flashed back to how it came to be.

“(Y/N), what do you think we should do this time?” Kuroo asked as you guys sat on the floor of one of the many rooms your studio provided.

You shrugged and sighed as you laid on your back with your legs stretched out. “I don’t know, Tetsu...it’s up to you.”

Kuroo looked at you as you curled onto your side and focused on your phone. Pursing his lips, he turned his attention towards you and set his phone to the side.

“What’s wrong, (Y/N)?”

You felt him tap your shoulder and looked behind you to meet his gaze. He gave you a look and you caved in to tell him what was bothering you. Sitting up, you curled your legs into your chest and set your chin on top of your knees.

“I didn’t want to bother you...but I feel like Yuji and I will never bounce back after this break that he wanted… As much as I try to still check up on him, he’s grown so distant that I don’t recognize his new behavior sometimes...Do you think there’s another girl? I just don’t know what to do anymore, Tetsu… I just- I just don’t want to be in the dark anymore. Aren’t we supposed to get through everything together? I don’t get it, is it me? Who am I kidding? There is another girl, I saw him flirting with her after his class in their classroom.”

“Don’t you say that ever again, (Y/N).”

You blinked as he quickly cupped your face to stare into your empty eyes. He could see the unshed tears in your eyes and it pained him to see you so broken. Kuroo hated seeing you constantly being hurt by Terushima. He didn’t expect to fall in love with you in a span of three months of dancing together, but he did. The way you were able to welcome him so warmly and easily understood what he struggled with, Kuroo found himself falling hard. Whenever he danced with you and interacted with you, there was this unspoken connection that he’s never felt with anyone before. After the first showcase ended, you guys stayed in touch and had a weekly tradition of hanging out at each other’s apartments. When he was overseas, he missed the hell out of you and when you would cry over the petty little arguments with Terushima, Kuroo wished he had a plane ticket to go back to you.

“You are more than enough, chibi-chan.” he reassured you and pushed some stray hairs out of your face. “Terushima lost sight of the beauty he has by his side and it’s his loss if it ever came down to it. Hell, I’ll immediately take you from him if you’d let me. That girl doesn’t compare to you, at all.”

You smiled weakly knowing the weight that was carried in his words. Leaning into his touch, you sighed and he caressed your cheek. “You know I would do anything to take the pain away from you, (Y/N).”

You tightened the grip that you had around his wrist and he leaned his forehead against yours. The feelings that grew for Kuroo was something you stopped denying a while ago, but still a part of you couldn’t let go of Terushima because of how long you guys knew each other and that you were still in a relationship with him. It confused you because when you were with Terushima, you knew you wanted to be with him. But at the same time, it felt the same whenever you were with Kuroo. A part of you wished that you had met Kuroo first because he gave you the solace and warmth you’ve been seeking for. Your rationality spoke to you as you slowly pulled away, a sad smile on your lips.

“I know you would, Tetsu...But due to the circumstances right now...you know I can’t. We can’t.”

Kuroo felt you slipping away from him and decided it was time to be selfish for a bit. He didn’t want to let you go and wrapped his arms around, burying his face into your neck.

“Please...let’s just be selfish this one time. If he gets to flirt with all the girls he wants on this so called ‘break’ between you two, can’t I have chance? Just until this showcase is over. I just want to show you how much you mean to me and how you are worth the entire world.”

He looked up at you and without thinking, you cupped his cheek and Kuroo sighed into your warm touch.

“Use me if you’d like, I don’t care. You know how I feel about you and I just hate seeing you hurt so much.”

“Tetsu…” you murmured and he noticed the hesitation.

He gave you a small smile before pecking the inside of your wrist. You watched as he stood up and walked over to the speaker then plugged in his phone. The faint sound of the piano filled the air as he made his way back to you and gently helped you to your feet. Kuroo smiled down at you and started to freestyle around you. It was the best way you guys could be vulnerable with each other when the words couldn’t come out. You hugged your arms to your chest as you watched him. His touch ghosted over your body and you bit your lip as he stood behind you.

“For now, just forget about everything and dance with me.”

In that small room, you gave in to the feelings that you tried so hard to suppress. Closing your eyes, you let your body naturally move against his as you danced along to the music. The song spoke out to you because the singers were doing the talking for you both. As you danced with Kuroo, your eyes never left each other the entire time. Interchanging moves and interacting through your eyes and body movements made you feel complete. Kuroo had managed to easily break down your walls and you smiled at him as he grabbed your hand, guiding you across the floor as you did a series of chaine turns*. As the song ended, you landed into his embrace and he lovingly smiled at you. You smiled back at him and he set his head on top of yours.

“I think we just found the song that we’re going to use for the showcase, right chibi-chan?” he said as he tried to catch his breath.

You nodded and in that moment, the both of you came into the silent agreement that you’d be selfish for the next two weeks. While preparing for the showcase, you met up with Kuroo every day to practice and improve your choreography to be the best that it could be. That was when Kuroo’s affectionate side really came into play. He shamelessly flirted with you and the skinship he’d do with you was nonstop. Kuroo took advantage of the small chance you gave him and never wasted a moment. He respected the boundaries you put up and when allowed, Kuroo would only kiss you on the cheek or forehead.

When the showcase ended, the two of you stood on the roof of your apartment. You admired the view and he wrapped his arms around your waist. The air around you guys was heavy as you silently leaned against his embrace.

“So this is it, huh?” he asked softly as he inhaled the comforting scent of your shampoo, tightening his grip around you.

You nodded silently and turned around, resting your hands on his chest. A solemn expression could be seen on your face, not wanting to make a move just yet. Kuroo kissed your forehead and you relished in the comforting feeling he gave you.

“I wish I met you first.” you mumbled as you buried your face into the nape of his neck.

“I know.”

“I’m sorry…”

“I know.”

“You know that I li-”

“I know.”

Kuroo cupped your face and gave you a small smile. It didn’t quite reach his face and you bit your lip as you felt your eyes water.

“I just can’t let go....” your voice trembled.

“I know.”

“You deserve better.”

“I’m willing to wait.” he simply said and leaned his forehead against yours.

“Why?” you whispered as you both closed your eyes, soaking as much of each other as you could.

“You’re worth every moment.”

It was quiet for a couple of moments and once you felt like you were ready, you stepped out of his embrace. He ran his hand through his hair and stepped back as well, admiring the beautiful features of your face.

“I’ll see you whenever, chibi-chan.” he muttered as he felt his heart clench at the fact you wouldn’t be the first thing he saw in the morning.

“See you...Tetsu…”

You were brought back to reality as you ended the mark with his hands in your sweater and the class screamed for you guys to do it full out. He met your gaze and asked, “Are you ready, beautiful?”

As you got back into position to do the choreography, you nodded and the air around the two of you changed. There was no hesitation between you two as you spoke your unspoken feelings towards each other. Overall you felt the lightest you’ve ever been as your gazes never left each other. It was just like you guys danced it the first time, but this time nothing was holding you two back. You danced with your heart and Kuroo could feel the familiar warmth and radiance he missed from you. As you stood in front of each other, dancing out the lyrics of the song with the movements of your hands, you talked to each other through your gazes and the music.

One love, two mouths One love, one house No shirt, no blouse Just us, you find out Nothing that wouldn’t wanna tell you about, no

When the music picked up, Kuroo led the dance and you can feel how much you missed his presence. His touch burned against you as you finished up the routine. The world disappeared around you two as you felt him grip your hands in the pockets of your sweater. He leaned his forehead against yours and you were both breathlessly smiling at each other.

“Woah…” he said as he slowly stood up straight.

You squeezed his hands before they left your pockets and bit your lip. “Woah, indeed.”

You laughed as he dorkily bowed at the class and motioned their attention towards you. As they cheered for you, you shook your head with the brightest smile never leaving your face. He took your hand into his once he walked up to you and you guys bowed to the class, saying your thanks. It was time for the students to do the choreography you taught one last time and the two of you walked off to watch them. Once in your corner once more, you didn’t hesitate to lean yourself against him and he slung his arm over your shoulders. His head rested on your shoulder as you watched the class through the mirror.

“So...what was that?” you murmured.

“I don’t know, chibi-chan. You tell me.” he responded.

You turned your head to look at him, your cheeks blushing. “Oh you most definitely know, Tetsu.”

“Hm? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” he said as he nuzzled your cheek with his nose.

“I’m ready.” you softly said.

“I know.”

“That was fun.”

“I know.”

“I missed you.”

“I know.”

“You’ve been such a tease this whole day.”

“I know.”

“You already knew, huh?”

“Maybe~” he replied in a sing-song tone.

You hummed in thought and turned your attention towards the class once more.

“Hey, (Y/N)?”

Your eyes widened as you felt him lighty kiss your lips before quickly pulling away. It was short and sweet, but had such a big impact on you. Butterflies fluttered in your stomach and your heart raced as he kissed your cheek before walking away to join the freestyle circle that happened at the end of the routine. You laughed in disbelief as you felt your cheeks burn. He walked backwards as he reached the edge of the group and winked at you, holding out his hand for you to join his side.

You took a deep breath and smiled to yourself. It was time for you to move on from your past and dancing with Kuroo helped you realize that. You were finally happy with where you were at and slipped your hand into his as the class made way for you two to be the center of attention once more.

The timing was finally right for you and Kuroo to fully love each other.

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