#(I still struggle a bit writing starters and stuff.)

[pumpkinhcad]

STARTER CALL . Currently fighting my drafts (and failing, might go play videogames now), but I have so many new followers (hello!!) I'd like them to click the ♥ if they wanna interact with my lil' guy. And, if I were to not have ideas (somehow), hope it's okay if I approach you in IMs for plotting!!

[silliest-sideblog]

New Years Kiss

Pairing: Etho/Tango

Length: 1k words

A/N: It's technically New Years here already and I wanted to post this before people are heading out. So here's another little Slabtek fic, this time for new years eve!

Technically it's set after my other fic "Just a little distraction" but it's not relevant. I just wanted to write something indulgent for the holidays.

Happy New Years everyone, hope I can get even more writing done next year!

Etho and Tango sit in the reiling of the steampunk blimp that looms above Tango's still unfinished factory, looking towards where Cub is hosting a large fireworks show with the help of some of the others. There's food and people are talking and laughing.

Almost everyone is there, but not these two.

Of course they love their friends and enjoy spending time with them but it's already so noisy and crowded at times and right now they prefer the quiet of it all. Plus Tango insists the view from up here is so much better than being up close.

They sit, legs dangling, and just watch over the server for a while. It's a comfortable silence around them, without the need to fill it.

Tango got out his notepad occasionally to write down some idea or another that went through his head, telling Etho about it as he writes.

Neither of them has a clock on them and they don't know how late it is.

Eventually, Etho breaks the silence."So when do we get sappy and talk about the past year?"

The smile is audible in his voice and Tango doesn't even need to look up to see the way his eyes crinkle slightly alongside it.

"We don't have to if you don't wanna" he just offers in return. Neither of them is the type for this kind of stuff anyway.

Etho shrug and they sit in silence once more but now that Etho mentioned it once, Tango is of course thinking about it anyway.

"It sure was a year. Thought I would've gotten more done" Tango sighs. He's now looking down at his unfinished factory. "Thought I'd at least have that thing done a bit more done by now. Instead I spent half the year in a hole and the other half fixing this mess." he laughs sorely.

Etho gently kicks against his boot.

"You got everyone addicted to your game. Again." he throws in and Tango knows that it's not just to cheer him up.

"Only took me what? 5 months? And even then it was kind of a mess. All the bugs and so much that went wrong..."

A beat later, "Sorry. Didn't want to spend the last few minutes of the year being miserable" Tango says but he can't help the slight smile in his voice because Etho knows how he is. And Tango knows that Etho doesn't mind; that sometimes Tango needs to talk himself down, let out an annoyed sigh at himself and get to it. But there's not really a getting to it now on New Year's now, is there?

But the sigh already helps enough.

"What about you? Happy with this one?" Tango asks, changing the subject away from himself. Funny thing how neither of them can stand bring the focus for too long.

"Sure, could say that." Etho says but doesn't really elaborate.

Many good things have happened for the both of them. They made games for their friends and had the joy of watching them play and laugh. Struggle and get better.

Etho got over himself and built a roof for his house, something he's at least decently happy with.

Tangos factory is, despite the flaws he's deeply unhappy with, quite the impressive piece of redstone work.

The time they spent with everyone, laughing and learning from each other, watching their friends grow and live alongside them.

Neither of them says it out loud but that's what's been filling this year for them.

Another thing they don't say out loud, not earlier, not right now, is them. For a few months now they have been closer than ever before and since that one afternoon in the redstone of Hungry Hermits...

Things have changed between them, kisses have been stolen away, nights spent at the others, mostly Etho's, base; Tango's starter house being mostly unused at this point.

Still they haven't talked about it. Why would they? It's not like that would change anything.

Or it would. It would put expectations up, and Tango doesn't know if he's ready for that.

What would Etho even expect from him? Dates? Kissing? To tell other people?

Tango is lost in his own thoughts, he barely hears Etho's question.

"How long do you think we still have till midnight?"

"Huh?" Tango looks up at him, taking a moment to register the question and as his brain catches up and he wants to reply, the fireworks are beginning to light up the night sky.

And Tango can't take his eyes off Etho, his face illuminated by the flickering lights all over the night sky.

What would be expected of them? Shouldn't they kiss now?

Does it matter what's expected of them?

"Happy new year, Etho" Tango says with a bright smile as he realizes it doesn't matter.

He can see Etho return the expression, see it in his eyes, his eyebrows, the way his cheeks move under the mask.

Carefully, Tango reaches out and pulls on the fabric and Etho doesn't stop him. He never has.

Slowly their lips meet, as if they're making this something special.

Tango smiles into the kiss. He wouldn't have expected to be the type of person who enjoys something as dumb as a kiss on new years but here he is. And he wouldn't have it any other way.

Of course it feels silly and cheesy and neither of them really need it. But maybe that is part of the charm.

Once Tango pulls back he cant stop grinning at Etho. And that grin doesn't vanish when the taller one starts leaning his head on Tango's shoulder, slouching slightly to get comfortable.

Tango's tail wraps around his waist affectionately and he hears Etho say quietly, "Happy New Year, Tango."

[destiny-smasher]

What do you like about Nemona

Gahhh, fuck me, that's a bit hard to summarize.

But I have been meaning to do a write up to explain it to people in my personal life. Maybe this is a good excuse to get around to doing so. I'll try to cover the important stuff while not getting as deep into specifics as I honestly could. It'll still be an informal short essay, though, lol

In Pokemon SV, the player enrolls in a fancy Academy on a remote island nation of sorts (inspired by Spain). They meet Nemona after choosing their starter Pokemon, and Nemona offers to the school's director to adopt a starter herself to 'coach/mentor' the player character. You see, unlike any other 'rival trainer' before her, Nemona is already a Champion. Before your character sets foot in the Paldea region, Nemona has already gone through the entire song and dance of Gym Battles and all that, and attained the highest rank a trainer can in the region. She's completely obsessed with Pokemon battling and has become bored of being 'the best' because no one wants to battle her, for various reasons. So she views you, a newcomer, as an opportunity to test herself as a 'mentor/senpai/big sis' figure as well as essentially 'New Game+-ing' herself for sheer love of the game that is Pokemon battling.

People consistently call her 'the girl Goku', but I ain't seen Dragonball Z, so I can't comment on that much. But she is a very enthusiastic, cheerful, determined, battle hungry person who is very into self-growth and self-improvement. At the end of the day, she wants a true rival, someone she doesn't need to hold back with, and who she can look to as a consistent figure in her life. She is very eager and hyperactive about connecting with people through battling.

A lot of people who play the game get offput by her, and she gets branded as a 'yandere' archetype (ie obsessed with the player character to a horror-inducing degree). She gets meme'd as being 'creepy' and 'obsessed' and all that, depicting her eagerness as mental illness and a bad thing.

(gif from a fan animation)

When her behavior stems from positive emotions and a desire for mutual growth and connection, not specifically ownership or possession -- to Nemona, a person who just obeyed whatever she would want of them would defeat the point. That's not what a rival does -- they push back, after all. Within the context of the SV plotline, she is bored of being Champion all by herself, and wants to train someone else to reach her same level, which is why she is so invested in you, the player character, following you around everywhere and being that 'big sis' archetype. There's some selfishness in there, for sure -- she wants a proper rival for herself, someone she never has to hold back with -- but given her social obligations and reputation within the Academy/region, she also I think wants to prove she is capable of handling herself as a mentor figure, prove to herself that she didn't become a Champion by luck or accident (if she can help someone else do what she did, then it wasn't just a fluke, she really does know what she's doing, etc.), and also help prove to her fellow students that she's really not as intimidating as they think she is.

And yet, people both in AND out of the game are quick to write this intense, protective behavior off as 'insane' and 'creepy' -- and as someone who very regularly got called a 'creep' through to the end of college for literally just trying to make friends,' I almost take it personally when I see people label Nemona as a 'yandere' type. It has its comical use and all but I still find it kind of hurtful in a way.

(Art by MagDraws)

Because that's the thing -- if you pay attention to what little story there is in SV (it's not exactly a complex narrative), Nemona's character is essentially a metaphor for neurodivergent/queer people who have hearts bursting with affection and passion for their hobbies yet who struggle with loneliness and isolation as they put off most people from keeping them around.

But at the end of the day, Nemona is just neurodivergent, her special interest is Pokemon battling, and she is simply desperate for human connection -- and battles are just the way she feels most comfortable doing that.

And the world would be a better place if people like me or Nemona were able to become self aware at a young enough age to start managing our behavior, (which she is shown to be learning to do!) while ALSO having a general population that is more open-minded and understanding to the idea that 'oh huh that person's brain is electrically overcharged and they love people and hobbies maybe way way more than I do but that's FINE as long as they're not hurting anyone'

As a youth, I just... kinda got great grades, made honor roll, etc. And it felt like I wasn't really trying? So adults around me thought I was 'gifted', or 'naturally talented'. But in reality, I think I was just neurodivergent, and since I struggled to make friends, and physically wasn't able to see them outside of school due to various factors, I just... ended up focusing on my schoolwork instead. So that's one way I relate with her retroactively -- she is a model student, yet ironically has a bad reputation amongst many.

(HOWEVER, Nemona comes from a RICH family and I came from a poor one, there was some big racial tension dynamics at play in my early gradeschool years, familial breakup shit, soooo there's some very different dynamics at play there)

Another thing I adore about her and connect with in a way no one else in my life does -- she loves one-on-one competitions with others through battles. I don't love physically fighting people, I'm a super non-violent person in reality. But I love fighting games, it's my favorite genre. And there's specific philosophical elements to enjoying fighting games that I think most people don't click with that she and I do.

She is here to GROW, to learn, to improve, to have fun regardless of winning or losing, because the act of spending time engaged with another person, figuring each other out, testing yourselves mutually, is enjoyable and edifying regardless.

That 'warrior's path' of self improvement and enjoyment and growth regardless of the outcome of battle is something I very much connect with and it's great to see a character who feels likewise while also having elements of interpersonal struggles in spite of or even because of the way she functions differently than other people. Again, I don't know much about Goku, but I get the impression he is good at making and keeping friends, while Nemona is bad at it.

On top of this, Nemona has extra wrinkles to her character -- she's physically disabled. The game is vague about it, as Pokemon always is. But she wears an arm brace because she throws a LOT of pokeballs with all the battling she does, and she seems to have some kind of issue there, physically. Also, despite how GOOD she is at battling, she is terrible at catching Pokemon, and seemingly at doing the exploration aspects of being a trainer. She canonically has poor stamina and wears herself out easily -- which, given how high-energy she is as a person, probably happens constantly. So it's also strongly suggested that she spends time not just training all of her Pokemon (she juggles multiple teams, yet another fighting-game esque thing I relate with, as I tend to juggle many characters and not stick to a single main or team), but she also trains herself, physically, to try and keep up with her 'mons, but also as a means of self-growth/improvement in general.

I won't post the examples but trust me, there are many subtle but intentional nods alluding to her being physically disabled, and being BAD at core elements of what we expect a Pokemon trainer to be -- exploring the wilderness, catching Pokemon, etc. But she's so passionate about it, she doesn't let her limitations stop her,

So it creates an interesting internal tension imo because she is not only very queer coded, very neurodiverse coded, but ALSO disabled coded. But she hides her internal struggles by essentially avoiding having to confront them, generally speaking (which itself is ripe for narrative development). Sadly, the game never brings this to a head in way (it's Pokemon, so of course it doesn't). But the ingredients are all there, especially when you add characters like Penny, Arven, and Scarlet into account -- as well as implied expectations from her rich family, or from the leader of Paldea, Geeta, who implies she wants Nemona to be her protege. And I haven't even mentioned that Nemona is Class President, meaning she's actively taking on social responsibility for her peers even though she gets shit talked behind her back for being so obsessed with battling and getting in people's faces with her over-eager desire to bond with/battle them.

This right here -- this is the specific core element of her character I personally connect with that, somehow, no fictional character I've met so far has put into the exact right words with enough context for me to believe them.

From my youth to even now as a full grown adult, I have experienced this feeling my entire life, whether with family, at school, at the workplace, even in most online spaces -- an 'invisible wall' between me and everyone else, and for a VERY LONG TIME I had convinced myself it was because something about me was 'broken' and 'not right'. But now, in part thanks to characters like Nemona, and the discussions around/about said characters, I can see that my brain just functions differently from other people, and a I grow and self-teach myself how to manage my own behaviors/expectations, I can better appreciate all kinds of relationships in life without needing to let go of or sacrifice that internal flame that used to threaten to consume most people I cared about -- that fear of being 'too much' or 'too intense' in my own ways (ways better expressed through text interaction than in person, to be fair, but again, MOST of my social life has been online my entire life, so yeah).

Like Nemona, I found people in my life who accept me for who I am, and blablabla all that cliche shit. But in Nemona, as I do with a rare few other characters in media (Vi from Arcane, Luz from The Owl House), I see a specific element of myself I don't elsewhere, and sadly did not see often growing up. A balance between ferocity and determination paired with unending affection and love. A desire to never give up on people, no matter what, and to be open to change both internal and in others. In Nemona's case, specifically, that element of neurodiverse passion matched with sheer loneliness -- that 'invisible wall'.

No matter what, she never gives up, in battles or socially.

I could go on into specific examples but I've said enough here to get the ideas across, I'm sure.

Oh, and as a sidenote, I think she has a great character design -- it's SIMPLE but recognizeable. The combo of color-coded gear (red/white/black, my favorite outfit color scheme), a arm brace, and accented hair. Her design feels like a plausible human being, but with a bit of 'anime bangs' syndrome.

I should probably mention -- I don't like Pokemon SV as a video game! I am like 160k words of fanfiction into telling a Pokemon story and I think the game itself is stinky garbage barely holding itself together with duct tape and a corporate prayer.

But unlike any other generation of the franchise, Pokemon SV presents a cast of characters with defined personality strengths, weaknesses, and varied backstories, who start the game as strangers, and by the end begin to dip their toes into 'found family' territory. For the first time in the entire franchise, I actually give a shit about the characters, about seeing them grow and connect with each other, because the overarching theme of SV's story, what little it has, is about isolation, outcasts, loneliness, and how found families form.

And Nemona's kind of the heart of all of that, the endlessly hopeful, energetic, eager one that will never give up on you, that irrationally throws affection at you, seemingly for no 'good reason' -- because just being a person who tolerates her and her 'too much'-ness is itself reason to be grateful for your presence in a world where she feels isolated from most everyone else simply by being herself.

Maybe this answers your question!

[jiggy-manda]

amber freeman x reader

request: no idea if u write for this kind of stuff, but can i request a amber freeman x reader or a Sam carpenter x reader like self harm/comfort fic?

you didn’t mean for it to happen. it was supposed to be a secret, a well kept secret that nobody would find out about.

you should’ve known that your girlfriend wouldn’t take no for an answer.

amber had seen you without clothes multiple times, but you always found a way to work around it. keeping the lights dim when you’re intimate, wearing underwear that strategically covers your hips… it wasn’t a perfect system, and of course you knew she would find out eventually, but that didn’t stop you from still hoping she wouldn’t ever know.

that fated day came when you got a bit carried away and forgot to think about your ways of hiding the scars. for starters, you both were on her couch with the lights on, and you were both naked. bare. nothing to hide your most loathed yet cherished habit.

she’s been running her hands up your legs when she felt them, and she slowly frowned and pulled away.

you were too far gone that all you could give her was a curious look; you secretly hoped she would ignore it and go back to making you feel good.

“when did this start?”

you looked up at your girlfriend guiltily, and your voice was barely higher than a whisper. “i don’t know, like… awhile ago,” you breathed out.

amber gave you a stern look, causing you to break. “fine. a couple years, give or take…”

“why did you start?”

you ducked your head, avoiding her gaze. “after… the attacks.” you winced as you spoke; you didn’t want her to think it was because of her. it had nothing to do with her. you were there during the attacks, and you had gotten hurt, but it was richie who’d done it. amber… amber had ignored you. it was weird, and you still didn’t know why. you were too scared to ask her, even if you’d been dating for months at this point.

you wished you hadn’t looked back up, because all you saw was amber’s guilty look. “you started because… because of me?”

“no,” you immediately protested. “you never hurt me. i mean yeah, you scared the shit out of me for a couple hours, but you never… did anything.” you shifted in your seat uncomfortably, still not completely understanding what happened that night.

“i… yeah,” amber said with a pause. “i didn’t… i didn’t want to.”

you gave her a confused look. “what do you mean?”

“you just… you were different,” she said with a shrug. “i didn’t want to hurt you.”

“why?”

“don’t know. it just felt different.”

“oh.”

“yeah.” there was an awkward pause before she spoke again. “he— did he hurt you badly?”

“yeah,” you replied quietly, curling up to wrap your arms around your knees. “my stomach… you’ve seen it.” she nodded. “the scar healed after a year or so, but it was still serious. you can’t see how deep it was, especially with the smaller scar.”

“i see.” once again, she paused and looked down. “but if you were stabbed, why do you…” she struggled to find the words. “why do you hurt yourself? especially in that way?”

it was your turn to be at a loss for words. “dunno. just helps, i guess.”

amber looked at you, examining your face. you were visibly uncomfortable, and the vulnerability in your expression made her heart twinge. “how?”

you sighed. “it… i don’t know. it’s weird,” you said while shaking your head. “it’s stupid, really.”

amber’s eyes widened as she rushed forward to take your hand into her own. “no,” she said urgently. “it’s not stupid. nothing that leads you to harm yourself is stupid. if you feel like you need to hurt yourself, it doesn’t matter how valid you think the reason is because you deserve help either way.”

she looked down at your lower body again, moving your arm out of the way so she could observe the scars on your hips. you shifted a bit, uncomfortable with the attention on your most hated attribute.

“you take care of them, right?” she asked softly, giving you a tender look.

you nodded. “i clean them. clean my blades, get rid of the waste. i’ve never gotten an infection.”

amber felt her eye twitch at the subtle reminder that this had been a common occurrence for multiple years. “good, that’s good.” she looked down again, leaning her face closer. “can i…”

you sucked in a breath before nodding.

“okay,” she whispered.

her finger tips started running up your leg, lightly moving over the disrupted skin on your hips. you shivered at the touch, a product of both the cold nature of her hands and the intimacy of the matter.

“i’m sorry,” she said quietly.

you found yourself shaking your head once more, more forcefully this time. “it’s not your fault. stop apologizing.”

the guilty look on her face didn’t falter once, so you just brought her into a hug. “it wasn’t you.”

“im glad you’re safe now,” she mumbled into your hair.

“you make me feel safe, amber.”

the puppy dog eyes she gave you melted your heart, and you smiled down at the way she rested her chin down on your chest.

“promise you’ll tell me if you ever feel like doing it again?”

you nodded down at her. “promise.”

[jesncin]

hello! I've been reading a lot of your posts on dc media, they are a great read! I hope one day I could make such detailed analysis, yours are really inspirational and makes me have double-takes/ give-a moment-to-think-on the media I watch/ read

Anyway! You talk a lot about Super-characters and Asian representation, what do you think about Kong Kenan's character? As well as how he is currently written in DC Comics? Is there any way you want him to be written differently? How well does his character play with the many themes of Superman?

Oh wow thank you so much! Writing these essays has mostly been for my own sake to get my thoughts out there, but it means a lot to me when my analysis and meta inspires others to do similar and think a bit more critically!

Kong Kenan!!! While I haven't caught up on how he's written lately (I mostly read a handful of the beginning stuff) I could spare some thoughts.

Kong Kenan is the most creative, out of the box and refreshing take on a Superman legacy character. What makes Superfam members struggle to gain traction is that they over-rely on direct family members, clones, alternate universe-selves, and adopted aliens- leaning too hard on the sci fi aspects of Superman and not the grounded politics that make him a resonant character. Kong Kenan meanwhile is just some guy (affectionate) thrusted into power. Even though I love the untapped themes of diaspora and generational loss to Krypton we could get from other Superfam members, it's really refreshing to have a new character not pay that much mind to all that. He's got his own world in China going! It's important for legacy characters to have their own space to breathe, and Kenan ticks all the boxes.

The worldbuilding of his cast system, the stakes surrounding how his powers work, even the way the themes of "Hope" is re-contextualized through his character are just so rich. I think my main critique is just how his original run starts!

The strong and refreshing cast system carry us through it, but the beginning really leans into that respectability "right ideas, wrong extreme methods" MCU villain thing. I get that it's about "being too devoted to the cause that you forget to care for people around you" but it's a bit clumsy when said cause is caring about the rights of people.

Once you get out of that origin starter, the series really picks up to more unique ideas that challenge systems of power so it's worth sticking around for. I still haven't fully read through all of New Super-man, but I'm excited to get back to it when I have the time.

[kaycode1999]

hi heard you were doing some match ups and i was wondering if u could do me one

For starters, im a demisexual girl, still debating if im bi or simply a straight ally(in that case i'd kindly ask for a male counterpart), i don't want to be shipped with mk, mei, sandy, tang,pigsy bc i only see them as friends, and ao lie bc i already got him two times

i struggle with anxiety, abandonment, self worth and attachment issues and am currently working on my insomnia

Im a really sensitive person(tho not to the point of crying)my familly calls me a litteral drama queen

I sometimes feel like a useless third wheel, i rarely get angry at anything and always get along with anyone, my friends to confuse my goofy,friendly and open minded behavior for naivety and stupidety and i really hate it

For my aesthetic: i guess im a bit of everything depending on my mood, i like it when it matches, tho i do prefer hardcore colors like fushia, purple and dark blue, i also wear some moon and star themed jewelry i make myself

Im an ambivert, i socialize pretty well but prefer alone times

My love languages is physical affection(im not too clingy since i value personal space and boundaries more), words of affirmation, flirting lots of flirting and quality time and for me communication is the key, i don't really have a type but i am looking for someone loyal, who will love me and my insecurities and will accept that im badly crazy sometimes

i like drawing, mythology, reading, writing poems, painting, listening to music depending on my mood, studying dark entities(wich freaks my parents out), walking in the city(during night time),and i have a weird habit of collecting bird skull

I match you with

Macaque

The good thing is he knows first hand what its like to deal with anxiety, abandonment, self worth, attachment issues and feeling like a useless third wheel. Which means he has special knowledge of how to help you through it and/or do what he can to make sure he's never the cause of those feelings

With everything that's happened in his past, he actually views your demeanor as strong and intelligent. In his mind it takes no effort or intelligence to be cynical and mean, it's easy to do- but being friendly and kind shows your strength of character. ( Don't let him hear your friends putting you down for it or protective mode is ACTIVATED)

It simultaneously makes his heart swell with pride and makes him super flustered to see you wearing moon-themed anything because he compares himself to the Moon and Wukong to the Sun. (Please make him some matching ones he would love it😭)

Poor Monkey is honestly affection starved so he's not used to any of it. He's so thankful that you want to give him affection even though it makes him flustered. Its so cute though, his face gets so red with any kind of affection its adorable

Person B: what is this?

Person A: affection

Person B: disgusting

Person B:

Person B: do it again

This has actually happened before 😂😂

He never imagined he'd be lucky enough to be with you, so trust me once he is he's never leaving

He loves going on walks with you at night, he also finds the skull thing interesting

If you’re having trouble getting to sleep he’ll do whatever you want to help, just talking about random stuff or humming or just generally being there for you

[oopsiedaisymae]

the audience for this post is like, the two people who have already seen it on discord, but nonetheless, i want to share.

my mc's name is winter. she's pretty straight-laced, logical, generally rule-abiding but will get into trouble if she finds herself lacking a challenge or something to keep her hands busy. on my obey me writing blog (cuz i have a twst one now too!) i have plans to write for her as an mc and ship her with solomon. but i ALSO have plans to write a winter x mc au and. i've been having some really good thoughts on that.

for starters, the general premise is that the exchange program accepted three being from each realm (which makes room for the angel oc i have brewing... 👀) and she's one of human exchange students. she's a self-taught sorcerer that's very much stuck at a beginner level, in part due to the fact that she had no idea all of this magical realm stuff existed before coming to the devildom. she applied for the exchange program in hopes to get more credits for her phd. obviously, she was not prepared for this situation, but she adapts pretty quickly and does well at RAD.

since it's a winter x reader au, winter lives at purgatory hall with the other exchange students. their dynamic is so wonderful to me-- in the house of misfits, she fits right in. she's an amateur writer, so she loves chatting with simeon over tea about novel ideas and eventually becomes a pretty faithful TSL fan. she's an exasperated solomon wrangler who dodges his cooking at every turn and is too prideful to ask the best sorcerer the human world has to offer for help with her magical studies. she's not all that fond of children, yet she finds herself protective of luke, letting down her guard to bake with him in the afternoons for all of their new friends. even raphael, someone she struggles to interact with (bc they're both oh-so-awkward) earbs her respect and affection over time as they're roped into shenanigans by their roommates. they make the dorm a home together.

but you? oh, how she's hopelessly in love with you.

in the chaos of the devildom, somehow her eyes are always drawn to you. she's not all that interested in making friends when she first arrives, dedicating all her energy to settling herself in the realm. but there's always things drawing you to each other. classwork, exchange program responsibilities, your growing camradarie with her roommates at purgaory hall. it's inevitable that you guys become friendly. she's awkward and always a bit stressed or nervous, but she's friendly enough in your interactions early on that you swap numbers about halfway through the year. groupwork turns into occasional text conversations, and eventually you're close enough to gravitate towards each other for a simple conversation at parties. by the time the exchange program ends, you're making promises to make time for each other in the human realm.

life happens. you guys keep up a friendship through texts and video calls. winter finds herself longing for an excuse to be intertwined in your life again. RAD was a rigorous school, but she'd do it all again to have an excuse to be dragged into late night study sessions with you. watching your life change from a small screen fills her with a strange sense of emptiness. when the call ends, do you still think about her?

your return to the devildom is revealed to her through a cheeky text from solomon. she's so incredibly *annoyed.* of course he'd use magic to steal you away and whisk you back to the devildom without her. oh, and simeon and luke are returning, too? lovely. the whole gang's meeting up eithout her. envious? never, she wouldn't stoop so--

she's jealous. obviously. there's some back and forth where he teases her (and makes her ask *politely* for his assistance) until he steps away for a moment to bribg her back to the devildom. finally, you're reunited!

it's in this stretch of time that she falls in love with you. oh, winter barnett, someone who adamantly denies herself pleasure in many forms, finds herself sickeningly subdued as she falls for you. once the realization hits her, it's like a poison has flooded her veins, leaving her in a stupor. she expected herself to be more resistant to the idea, but honestly... who is she to resist your charms? she knows you. she watched all seven of the demon brothers fall for you over the course of a year. it only feels natural to be drawn to you in the same way. you... so determined, so strong, resilent in the face of overwhelming chaos and somehow still standing at the end of it.

winter's a human. she's got a small farm in vermont and very mediocre magic to her name. she's not a famous demon, nor and angel, nor a powerful immortal. on some level, she knows she's not enough for you. maybe that's why she's content to keep her mouth shut for awhile.

maybe it's enough to sit quietly by your side, admiring your when you're not looking. maybe it's best to bide her time and hope that she can catch your eye one day. until then, she's content with the little things-- your smile, your texts, your laugh, the way you look at her from across the classroom and the way she's completely smitten against all odds.

[doodle-do-wop]

AHH YOU KNOW I EXIST SCREECHHH OH MY GODS AHHHHJUHYGTFRDFTGYHU

First off tyy for tagging me for your lightlight reasoning request <3 And second here are a few of my main reasons for shipping lightlight (Note I haven't read stellarlune in foreverrr soo)

I had to look in my copy of book 9 for this but when Rayni reveals her identity to them, Wylie recognizes her almost immediately. Like he knows that he's seen her before, despite not seeing her for almost 5 or so years. He also (kinda?) remember what her name was (He messed up a bit there) and Rayni was genuinely surprised that he knew her.

I'm pretty sure there was another moment or two in the book, but honestly I can not remember-

ANYWAYS they have a lot of stuff they can relate too!!

For starters, both lost their parents at a young age.

Both have some kind of older sibling relationship with Tam (they can definitely bond over that; trust me).

They're the oldest of the Solreef household kids, and as the oldest daughter of 4, no matter what the situation you can always, ALWAYS relate to being the oldest.

They have a bunch more things they can relate too, but for now imma move on.

Similarities. Both are usually calm, collective, and mature.

But they also have a good amount of differences to balance it out. Rayni's more of an openly sarcastic person, putting out remarks and slightly insensitive comments, while Wylie's a bit more quiet and reserved.

I feel like they could help each other with themselves a lot too; Like I said either both struggle with loss of parents (though Wylie did got adopted by Tiergan and did get Prentice back, the trauma is still there), both have bad stuff with the Neverseen, and honestly I feel like they could help each other over come those troubles.

In all honestly, if you ship them or not Wylie and Rayni would make an amazing duo, platonic or romantic and I love them for it <3

Also there ship name is literally LightLight??? And I've seen before as Light Squared?? And other cute stuff like that like CMON UHGYOIUHY THATS ACTUALLY ADORABLE KJNHBGT

ANYWAYS ngl that convinced me to ship Lightlight even more lmaoo XD Hope this convinced you to join the two person WylieRayni squad! *bows*

(btw you did get my user right lol xD I'm probably gonna change it back to tiana4evahh later today, but yeah <3 you got it right lol)

Hmmm okay okay I see

While Rayni lost her parents around Level 5 or 6 I think that is still super young of an age especially to lose a parent much less both parents 16 is not as old as people think it is

I wish canon Rayni was less sarcasm and snake and I know it could've been a defense mechanism but god that just annoyed me so bad (Shannon write a good girlfailure please, I don't want girlbosses anymore I want girlunemployed)

Tam is out numbered in solreef fr, Linh is younger yet tells him what to do anyway (sibling core), Wylie and Rayni are both older, smh, man is against the world when it comes to four people telling him to hydrate even though he just drank water, hasn't even put down the glass

Damnit I do love a good trauma bond, I eat that shit up fr (when it's written well)

I'm seeing a little bit of the appeal now

[choko-flan]

Hiiiiii choko!! Still looking over ur progress every now and then!!! How are you doing? I hope you've been well ^^ I still remember first playing the velorem demo all those years ago lol.. I was travelling and downloaded a bunch of rpgmaker games to play and I loved yours in particular Would also be really cool if you started posting just the stuff you draw or your thoughts on whatever u wanna ramble about, idk if you use tumblr a lot tho, I like seeing that the creators i like are like, still alive and stuff you know? only if you want to though! Wishing you the best through whatever is going on right now!!! Signed: Olliver

Hello, apologizes for being super late replying to this been all over the place and haven't had time to fully write out a response. I'm really thankful you are still looking over my progress also always wanting to send me an ask, really means a lot. I've been doing alright like above been all over the place with dev work, hobbies, and taking classes to help with getting a job not related to game dev as this is a hobby (also the industry scares me), though at times I do struggle with imposter syndrome thinking I'm not good enough or smart enough but rn I feel confident in myself (I need to work on my hw...) ;v; means a lot you loved Verloren's demo, I really need to kick myself to work harder as I really want to put out a newer demo as the old one is a bit outdated. The newer one would be longer and have different mechanics which the original didn't have also I can show off my 2nd favorite character bc I need to give him screen time. Though that demo would probably happen when I make a ton of progress on the game like it's close to being done. Or maybe I just hold off and drop the whole game and everyone looks to me because I've change things. The main premise is the same just I changed things idk if anyone is interested I can ramble in a different post about the changes. I still care for the demo I posted in 2020, really want to get the game done so everyone can see the story and characters who been spinning in my head for 7ish years... I keep telling myself to stop hoarding what I'm doing but it's easy to say as I'm often going back hoarding bc perfectionism so here's a few things I've worked on: This isn't the 2nd fav but he's another character who wasn't in the demo, his name is Wally and would be another companion character who would help Chris with his journey. (very sketchy)

Been reworking the inspect system as you can see the thought bubble leaves after certain objects are gone, using thought bubbles to avoid a problem I always face in rpg maker games which is being confused what leads to progression so I often smack the character onto everything until I find the correct thing which triggers progression. Want to just make it clear what is decoration vs actual importance intractable objects.

(this isn't how this map will look I just through it together for testing purposes) This was posted on my Bluesky (X) which I will try to use semi more, I need to go back finishing this but was using a unrelated oc who isn't a character in the game to help me figure out the portrait style.

Was mainly influences by the style of these portraits, still need to go back to figure it out tho.

Tho I shall stop dev rambling as this wasn't an ask for any updates but just thought to share some things I've been doing.

Tbh I get worry about posting about non dev related things here, I did have a personal blog but I haven't used that one in years plus it was mainly to reblog stuff I liked. Worried it would feel like opening the floodgates as it would led to a lot of rambling like for example I'll just post a few things I've been doing on the side if anyone is interested (This is all going to jump around a bunch super sorry.) For starters I like Project Sekai mainly bc I am a vocal synth fan, I do have a lot of scores saved mainly full combos but I'll just post my current FC counter (there's songs I haven't played yet bc lazy)

The 8/27 is because that is Mizuki's birthday which I am a very normal Mizuki fan I only have a few of her 4 star cards and have somewhat tier <- 100% normal fan (don't speak to me about not getting the new year card...)

(yes I have a discord server to plan a year in advance which cards I'm saving for) I don't have a screenshot of the event itself but for her 1st mix event I got T1k (i've been here since the global beta testing before day 1. Tbh I knew of the game before global was announce)

I didn't tier for this one bc I am saving for E5 so this is my worst one.... (I should find people to help with E5 Mizuki) but I care for my dother <- owns 3 plushies and almost all the CDs with her commissions songs and has preorder the newest one on amiami She is just my silly who makes me happy ANYWAYS speaking of gacha games I got back into the hole which is HSR, I am behind in the plot but it's just been the game I open to stare at my wife who took a billion pulls to get then I close it. I love him...

Btw I am F2P I will never spend money on a gacha again looking back on my genshin days I wasted 90 bucks on a game i don't play anymore like it's been 3 or 4 years. I just often farm like crazy and save until the thing I really want is here. Moving away from Gacha but still on the topic of gaming, one of my friends they convince me to get into Retro Achievements which is a fun site to use when you are playing games to collect achievements. So far the sets I've done is Okage: Shadow King and Pokemon Channel.

There's other games I've been doing the sets for but I am a fool that picks games with 100+ achievements. Another thing that same friend above got me into is learning HTML and CSS so I have been working on a website on the side which you can see here: https://choko.neocities.org/ Really want to make a page for Verloren on it, feel that would be cute

RN it's very bare bones at the moment also not mobile friendly, I need to work on that. The only page which works at the moment is the about section but it's also a wip mess.

Do plan on getting a media diary page done as I've been keeping track of everything I've watched, played, or read. I needs some more work but at the moment it looks like this

Below is what it used to look like this but wasn't happy with it, like each entry having it's own clickable page rather having the person scroll to see them.

Umm I guess art idk we are jumping around, I've been stuck thinking about characters for a campaign which hasn't started yet. He is my silly (the dude who I was making pixel art above) I often spam my friends doodles of him bc he has become my favorite oc to draw and he's just a npc to my player character of the campaign.

One day I'll make a full drawing of him so then I can shove him into the faces of people. (I been working on a oc page on my site so if I get that up any info of him will be there also other ocs) I guess if any of these are interested I could start making post about this stuff more, super sorry that you asked something which turned into me full on rambling. I suppose this can be used as a test to see if anyone else would be interested. ^^b thank you again for sending an ask, I hope this wasn't like too much rambling. Will try to use tumblr more, I hope you are doing alright and best of wishes to you!!

[phantasmalnightmare]

NAME?: Phantasma

PRONOUNS?: She/her

MOST ACTIVE MUSES?: Currently, Gundham, Mikey, and Bakugo. I've been writing Gundham on and off for a loooong time and have used him often, and in group RPs. Mikey has been pretty popular, as I have two different threads with him. Bakugo I've been using on discord mainly for my Hinata and our crossover crack ship that's become so cute lol. Junko I use fairly often as well. I wish I had a chance to use more of my muses though, really!

EXPERIENCE/HOW MANY YEARS?: This always makes me feel old LOL but I've been RPing for 20 years now. I started on xanga, a blog site, as Bankotsu from Inuyasha. I just one line god modded everyone, but it was fun. After a couple of years, I begrudgingly moved to myspace cause everyone else did, and I really got the hang of RP. I learned to do multi para/novella and really develop my characters. After the death of myspace, I tried aniroleplay and made some friends that I still have there, but then I found tumblr and thought it was a unique style of RP and fell in love.

FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT?: Fluff and angst are definitely my favorite things to write. I think I like fluff just a bit more, but it needs the angst and the drama to make it better. I love writing slow burn romance, as well as dark and messed up stuff. Smut.. I will do and I can enjoy, but only after I've built up a slow burn romance and it ends up leading to that.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES?: Long! My default is 3 but I can definitely do more than that. I can work with two for sure if that's what my partner wants. I really, really struggle with less than that though. Funny enough, I can get writers block much more easily with shorter things, because I don't have enough to go off of in order to determine where the story is going.

PET PEEVES?: Most of the stuff on my rules really lol. Rushing me for a reply: This is a hobby, not a job. Luckily, most people I RP with are more patient then I deserve. Starting drama: It's RP and I've never understood why there always has to be drama. Telling me to block or unfollow someone because YOU have a problem with them. Not cutting your posts, because then I have to endlessly scroll through them. And the #1 pet peeve: Asking me to write a starter and then never replying. I put a lot of thought into my starters and make them at least 3 paras, so it's such a waste of my time.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE?: The vast majority: no. I enjoy writing characters who are very different from me, since the whole point of RP is writing as someone who you aren't. However, I would say I'm pretty similar to Aqua, Akane, and Robin.(Funny enough, they are my 3 muses at the bottom of my muse page in a row). I'm a logical thinker and an old soul. I'm also kind, empathetic, and I care about my loved ones like crazy.

TIME TO WRITE?: Usually in the afternoon, or early evening. I work mornings, so I sometimes write when I get home from work, or if I go to the gym after work, then even later.

TAGGED BY: @quickdeaths (Thank you for the tag!)

TAGGING: Whoever hasn't done this yet! Feel free to steal if you want to!

[shrinkthisviolet]

⭐️

Ooh I'll go with my s9 finale Savitar fic for this one (which is almost a year old! How time flies):

So for starters...I didn't plan to write this fic at first. I was pretty determined not to write any fics post-s6...although I'd already broken that rule once, and I was so upset about how Savitar was misused in the s9 finale, so I decided to break it a second time 😅

Specifically, I zeroed in on the two dynamics I found more underused and fascinating: Savitar & Thawne...and Savitar & Nora

...also a little Savitar & Zoom, but I mostly focused on the two mentioned before, with the Zoom stuff as merely a mention. As intriguing as it was...this kept the focus more narrowed, more focused on Savitar's internal struggle, which Zoom wouldn't be able to coax out as effectively as Thawne (who is connected to Barry in a way Zoom could never be)

Thawne and Nora here act as his "devil" and "angel" respectively, so to speak. Thawne reminds him over and over again that he's Barry, to taunt him and his weakness:

“But you do. Because you’re still Barry, under all that armor. You still feel guilty for what happened…you still blame yourself.”

…

“Although, if we’re being technical…it is your fault, isn’t it? For trusting my word and then breaking your own end of the bargain.”

…

“I’m the reason you even became the Flash, Barry. Don’t forget that.”

…

“...never,” he added sharply, “make the mistake of thinking I don’t know you, Barry. I know you better than anyone in the world. Never forget that.”

(The last two are nearly the same sentiment, but you get the idea)

He also rubs Zoom in Savitar's face, and we get to see a peek of Barry's PTSD in Savitar:

“I hear Zoom gave you a run for your money the first time you fought.” Thawne laughed. “Is Barry Allen still afraid of the big, bad wolf?”

“I’m not afraid of Zoom,” Savitar hissed, “I just know my priorities.”

I healed from that. I’ve moved on from it. The nightmares are gone. It’s fine. It’s fine.

Villains don’t get nightmares. Villains aren’t afraid.

Not-so-deep-down, he's Barry. And guess who else knows it? Nora West-Allen. Not connected to Savitar in any way—in his time loop, she never existed. He's not her father, she's not his daughter. And yet:

“Savitar.” Her face flitted between fear and…and something else. “Or should I call you Dad?”

…

“No. Talk to you. Savitar—Barry—”

“Don’t call me that, XS. It’s not my name.”

“It was, once,” she insisted, every bit as stubborn as Iris.

She sees him as her father 🥺 as another version of him, but no less him. And, clearly, Barry and Iris feel the same way. Nora's father is not the same Barry who shunned Savitar...we saw in 3x23 that he tried to avert that, and even after Savitar's defeat, Barry's still haunted by him: the version of him that he couldn't save. Or, as Nora puts it:

“The villain that never should have been…that’s what the Flash Museum calls you too.”

Ofc Savitar takes this badly, but Nora explains that the moniker is one of compassion and guilt. See, unlike their fight in canon, we actually get an exploration of the Barry attributes inside Savitar, Nora's love for him because of how much she loves her dad (all versions of him, no matter what)...and also this:

But Nora just smiled and looked down…and Savitar suppressed a laugh as he followed her gaze. Nora West-Allen was phasing through his blade, cheating death as speedsters tended to do.

Barry’s clever girl. His clever girl. Nora couldn’t possibly have any other father with that smile.

And Savitar, no matter how much he wished it, could never truly escape his name, his past…his family.

He was Barry Allen, and he always would be. Looking at Nora only confirmed that.

…

She scoffed. “You’re terrible at this.”

“Watch your tone, young lady,” he scolded, the words automatic.

Nora grinned. “Schway. See you around…Dad.”

Hmm...seems something else of Barry carried over into Savitar 👀 just because Nora's not technically his daughter doesn't mean he can't love her like she is anyway. Half of her is from him...and they're connected in the Speed Force. On some level...he looks at her and thinks, "my daughter. She's my daughter too."

And of course, Anakin & Luke style…almost killing Nora is what gets Savitar to realize he's Barry and he can't deny it 🥰 he still meets the same fate of being…absorbed by Eddie or something (…don’t ask me to explain, I couldn’t if I tried), but it’s on a happier/bittersweet note than canon.

Mind you, he's wearing his suit throughout this entire scene with Nora in this fic. This is a scene the writers could've easily written, even with their restriction of not being able to unmask Savitar (due to Grant apparently getting COVID).

Instead, what we got is a brief few seconds in which they fight, Savitar says she'll die like her mother nearly did, and then she legitimately defeats him and smiles. That's...no. I hate that.

So I challenged myself to write that same scene but to expand it (with Savitar & Thawne as a “devil” prelude to lead into the “angel” segment with Nora). And I think it turned out really well 🥰 and it sparked my love for Savitar & Nora...which I intend to write more of one day 👀

(Also, as a comedic bonus:

He laughed. “And the serrated pizza face too. You look ridiculous.”

This is a callback to 5x8, when Thawne describes Savitar’s face that way)

director’s commentary ask game!

[salty-an-disco]

3, 18, 29 for the writer wrapped thingy >:3

(Tumblr ate my first draft of this reply aaarrrrhhvugjfjjcnf)

[Ao3 Wrapped Asks]

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

I wrote a lot of stuff I'm really proud of this year, but for something I'm especially happy with the result and hold close to my heart, I gotta give it to Stares. For starters, it's a self-contained little fic, and I always love writing those, it's ContraHero, my pookies and especialist little guys, and just. I'm really happy with the exploration of a very specific stage in their relationship here. Which would be that kinda weird transition from purely platonic to something a bit different. And I also got to really lean into Contrarian's struggles with self-esteem and attachment issues here, and how he sees themself as someone unworthy of love, especially from someone like Hero, who's so attentive and sweet and lovely when they're just… them.

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

It'd prolly be Stubborn. Out of all the voices, he's probably the easiest to fall into flanderizing his one specific trait in writing, and I tried my best to walk that line in my portrayals of him, though I still think I could get better at it.

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

It shifts again.

Red green blue.

Endless worlds.

Endless possibilities.

You’re in all of them.

You are all of them.

To experience one is to destroy all other branching paths. For something to begin, all else must end.

World Ender, where shall you land–

[From When One Door Opens]

[sh3wolfgam3r]

Day Two: Drama and Dropping

November 14th, 2024

(I decided all my posts will be labeled with the day and date now)

Hello readers! I know it's been a while, but I had a busy week and was unable to have a moment to write to you until now.

Buckle up, buttercups; this is gonna be a long one.

Let's start from last week. It was a little bit of a shitshow.

For starters, I will now call BB (Bakery and Brunch) at the bakery. They took me off the schedule for Thursday and, what I thought at the time, Friday, too. So, I went through with my regular schedule and ran into a problem at school.

My Hospitality class.

It's not my favorite class, and it has been the most frustrating thing I have done. My teacher is a cool dude, but not a great teacher. Mind you, this is also a mandatory class I must take, and it's been annoying.

He does not teach. I can't even remember the only time he taught a lesson! I have also only attended this class for six days—IN THE WHOLE SEMESTER! I do not skip unless I need to due to some family matters, but it's because he had scheduling issues and told us to do the online bookwork, which is BORING! The main reason I went to culinary school was because it is hands-on, and I learn better that way.

It was tiring thinking about it, and I was failing. I also learned from another student that it was a similar experience, so it's not just me. I had to drop the class because I knew I would not pass if I did, and if I dropped it, it wouldn't count against me. This also means I have to rearrange my schedule for next semester because I am currently registered for a class that I now can't take. Now, let's get back to the bakery.

I worked on Friday at 7 a.m., which was okay, but I had to get up a little earlier to beat the morning traffic. I got a good parking spot and entered the semi-busy place. The restaurant was starting to open, and I met T(I'm not gonna say her real name).

She is a pro at her job and even owned a bakery before she decided to help at BB. She still does cake orders with some of the other bakery employees. As for events, she drives all over central Texas, delivering cakes.

That morning, they had a setback from the 4am shift. So, I helped prep out the stuff for the weekend. We had a lot of things not prepped up, and T was not happy they had gotten so far behind, so she taught me about the machine they have that helps them roll out the dough evenly when they make the various layers of butter. Out of everyone I have met there, she has been the one that feels like she knows what the fuck she is doing. Often, people don't know what they are doing, and I can clearly tell. I trusted her and we got along great, we ranted about the industry and how many people didn't have common sense; which is very accurate.

I also helped make milk bread and learned that our mixer needs to be replaced. It's a very large commercial one, and a person who no longer works at BB left it alone on the highest setting. The mixer 'walked' off the table and fell on the floor, breaking the gears that control the speed.

Watching T struggle with it, I felt terrible as flour covered half the station. But she managed to get it working. She and another employee taught me how they roll out their milk breads. It wasn't hard, but trying to make the dough into smooth-shaped balls was very difficult.

I'm gonna leave this here as I will start writing another development for the next post

Till Next time, friends!

[tragedicn]

get to know the mun ! repost, don’t reblog.

——— BASICS ! ♡

NICKNAME : Genie

PRONOUNS : i identify as a threat and my pronouns are TRY / ME (she/her)

ZODIAC SIGN : sagittarius

TAKEN OR SINGLE : single and kinda looking i'm ngl

ANYTHING ELSE? : uhhh i work in healthcare so i'm always super tired and dead :D

——— THREE SERIOUS FACTS ! ♡

please be patient with me . . . i get anxious really easily even it doesn't seem that way . i promise i wanna chat , i'm just really bad at keeping conversation ; but never hesitate to hit me up , i always love company

i love muses with connected lore . . . i always love connected lore and am always down to join your muses world , just hit me up with that good stuff .

you can take as long as you want with replies , i totally understand motivation , inspiration and energy comes and goes . i can wait !! so always take your time .

——— THREE RANDOM FACTS ! ♡

i used to be a forensic science major . . . funny how i go from dealing with the dead to dealing with the living lmao

i really fucking love dogs? they are the love of my life? i can't have one but i just fucking love dogs so much

i really fucking love puzzles too . . . puzzles , building lego sets , building miniatures . . . all that jazz .

——— EXPERIENCE ! ♡

i was a fanfic writer before anything lol then got into rp through a friend on forums and deviantart before turning to twitter then tumblr as a medoium

i think i've written for nearly . . . 5-7 years now? it's been on/off but i suppose that's the creative process

i say i suck at plotting , i really do . . . until that one idea just hits and suddenly i won't shut up and i apologize if i never shut up , okay ?? you opened the floodgates , join me .

even though i've written for a long time , i still struggle tbh . . . with plotting , with my grammar , with getting my thoughts cohesive when trying to reply . but i'm trying !!

——— MUSE PREFERENCE ! ♡

i truthfully enjoy writing female muses a lot . . . and i also love writing overpowered-ish muses too . . . and cherry on top , powerful women .

i love torturing my muses . . . a lot . it's in my url lol . . . i put them through the emotional wringer a fair bit .

i love having muses with connected lore . . . and i'm always trying to find ways to connect my muses together .

i also really love to write smut . . . it's kinda a guilty pleasure lol

i love !! adding muses for people !!

——— FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT ! ♡

FLUFF : i love fluff but kinda suck at it . some people can attest that i suck at making things soft and sweet lmao .

ANGST : this probably comes a bit more easily to me but also because i enjoy causing turmoil and having people go GENIE NO moments .

SMUT : love it to pieces , will always hop onto the smut train always LOOL don't hesitate to hmu abt it .

PLOT / MEMES : both . i like using memes as a way to jump off if we both suck at starters , but i also like digging deep into dynamics and stuff . i like loosely plotting things and then using memes to spring into interactions and see where things go .

TAGGED BY : @sanctissimx (danke lovely) TAGGING : steal it <3

[kaddyssammlung]

"The truth is, I want, to want, to live and so do you"

My dear fellow Sleep Token fans and everyone who might also be interested in my little story. I just see many of you struggle. I still do sometimes but mostly I'm doing okay. I also know that many of you relate to the lyrics the same way that I do. Meaning having experiences with mental illness.

I was able to drag myself out of severe addiction problems. At least that's what was on the surface and what everyone could notice.

Maybe sharing how I was able to turn that around will inspire someone?!

This is not some scientific research or something but just me being old and speaking from my own experience.

I'm going to hide this from here on because of the topic and also I don't want this to be too long and I also know that most of you won't care. But I care about all of you that's why I'm writing this.

Just for starters a few things or facts....

I'm almost 37 at the moment and I started slowly spiraling downwards when I was 12. I was not afraid of much so I started stealing alcohol from my parents.

When I was around 14 I started to self-harm. I did not hide it in the beginning because I wanted to see if someone says something. Testing boundaries has always been my thing, or not having any.

When I was 15 I was anorexic. Those three addictions stayed with me until a few years ago. In 2019 I had a big turning point. I have not had anything to drink in a few years now but since last year I did relapse a few times with self-harm, meaning cutting myself.

I don't want to lie to you or pretend that I'm 100% doing okay....it's a bit of a bumpy road.

I was in therapy but it did not go well. I was in psychiatry but it did also not go well. But...the strange thing: I know strange people and one of those is a retired therapist. He recommended that meditation is so great and maybe could be helpful.

So I started to read about mediation in 2010 and tried around a little.

There was something there but I did not want to get better at that time. It took so many times of waking up totally hungover until I had enough. So I started researching like crazy. I made mediation and everything that had to with it my obsession. Seems like a contradiction but it's not. As if it was a new addiction.

I ended up reading every book that Dr. Joe Dispenza ever had written because part of his research is finding out what meditation does to our brain. And then I found more...omg....quantum physics. You can get lost in quantum physics. You know...the obsessions.

I started listening to a lot “spiritual” stuff on YouTube as well. So much there but useless....I also liked all kinds of “spiritual gatherings” that were broadcasted online.....idk..

It did not feel like this was leading me anywhere. But what happened is that I found a will again. Finding the will the end addiction is crucial. When you don't want to change then you're not going to.

I also got better in mediation or in other words, I just sat down and mediated. I got better in not giving into my cravings. It was little successes that made me stronger.

I was able to not drink for longer periods of time. It was alcoholism that kept me busy the longest out of all the addictions.

Falling down and standing up again and doing this over and over but learning something each time that I fell down....I also had phases where it just did not go well at all and I was drunk a lot again.

But form 2019 on it went, more or less, straight uphill until summer of last year. But it was hard. I had so much willpower but it was still so hard quite often.

Last year the traumas that I never faced caught up on me.

Here I am writing to you because of Mister Vessel.....he is authentically himself...I admire that and I'm working on that. And also that spritual teacher that I like so much at the moment. Kerry K she is also very authentic (and her teachings fit so damn well into Sleep Token lore). I'm part of her community for a few months now. It's been...well...intense but it gets better. I don't have anywhere to hide any longer. I have to face my traumas.

There is so much out there.....peeps on YouTube sharing their stories and how they got better. Or books or whatever. Everything is there....don't be afraid to look. You can also ask...me for example....

I always liked so much what Chester sings "the hardest part of ending is starting again". (the song is called waiting for the end)

idk why I just wrote that but it was in the field today. I had to do it :)

[venture-through-the-mist]

Warframe Stuff…Because Why Not?

So, seeing as this page is definitely turning into a Warframe-specific blog (not that I hadn’t completely intended for that to happen, but that’s beside the point lol), I figured I’d post a little bit of a Warframe-specific introduction, to go along with my main one. I’ll probably try and update this somewhat frequently with any new links/posts/etc that I come up with, just so it’s easier for people to find things on my page.

Featured/Frequently Used Tags: warframe; lotus warframe; warframe spoilers; mist’s writing; mist’s personal rambles

For right now, I won’t be sharing my IGN, but that’s more because I don’t really tend to friend or chat with people that I don’t know well, so I don’t want an influx of random messages or requests lol.

Mastery Rank: I’m currently MR 17, though I’d probably be higher if I hadn’t spent my first 3-ish months as a Warframe player absolutely refusing to craft or use any Warframe other than my starter. Seriously…my second frame was Excalibur Umbra…I did not build a second frame until I played The Sacrifice quest, and at the time, if I could’ve avoided it, I would’ve.

Main Warframes: I’m a Mag and Saryn main at heart. Mag was the frame that I started out with, and I absolutely fell in love with her gameplay. I got into playing Saryn due to a friend’s recommendation for Steel Path, and honestly wasn’t expecting to enjoy her gameplay as much as I do, but I actually find her quite fun to play.

In general, I tend to enjoy the crowd-control frames or the ones that can do a ton of damage super quickly. I don’t usually enjoy support-type frames as much, but that’s just because my gameplay style tends to be more ‘Shoot/stab first, ask questions later’. Other frames that I like but aren’t my mains include: Gyre, Dante, and Revenant. Titania’s fun too, though I’m not nearly good enough to play her without bashing into every single wall on the map.

Although the frames listed above are ones that I like, I’ll never criticize or fault to someone for liking another frame. My view on the game is very much along the lines of “there’s a playstyle for everybody, and there’s no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ Warframe”.

Main Weapons: I absolutely love using the Nataruk. I really enjoy bows for whatever reason, and so this has been my go-to ever since I completed The New War. For melee weapons, I quite like the Harmony, but honestly as long as it isn’t a Glaive-type weapon, I’ll probably enjoy it (learning the Xoris was…more of a struggle than I’d care to admit). I never really care that much about my secondaries, so usually I use whatever.

Other Game-Related Info: I play on iOS! When I first started back in October or November of 2023 (I think, at least), I was genuinely shocked at the quality of the game and the fact that there’s so much content, with it still being free to play. The app is definitely still a little buggy, but that’s to be expected, and it still runs better than the vast majority of other mobile games I’ve played.

I tend to enjoy a little bit of everything the game has to offer. One week, I’ll be super into farming Duviri stuff, the next I’ll be focused on Railjack (as annoying as it is to me, I’m still trying to get Sevagoth). Or maybe one day I’ll be cracking relics nonstop and then switch to working through the Steel Path. I never really know what I’m going to do on any given day lol. I’ve been really enjoying running Netracells lately, not that I’m that good at them. I don’t usually play the Conclave, but that’s mostly because I can never figure out how it actually works (and…also partially bc I don’t like Teshin).

Now for the ‘fun’ stuff! I’ve been writing little things for my Operator since I started playing, and so sometimes I might post some things here relating to her or my Drifter. I also have an AO3 account, so I’ll post any fanfics on there as well.

Characters: Mag (Operator); Lēna (Drifter)

A lot of what I write has to do with exploring the relationship dynamics between Lotus and my Operator, Mag, especially as they—and the other Tenno by extension—become more of a ‘family’ after The New War, however, I have also written some more Lotus- or Mag-centric fics that don’t dive into that dynamic. I’ve also written a few that explore the dynamic between Lotus and my Drifter, Lēna (no, that does not involve shipping them, that’s just not my cup of tea lol). In general, I don’t tend to write a lot of shipping stuff, I like to focus on platonic/friend/familial relationships lol (I like to read that sort of stuff, I just don’t write it for whatever reason).

My Writing: AO3 or mist’s writing

Ongoing Series: Petals May Wilt (But We Can’t Let Them Wither)

My ask box is open for any questions/comments/etc, so feel free to send something in, and I’ll usually answer it as quickly as I’m able to!