#sorry this is a lot. i have so many thoughts about her
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study buddy
solstrÄle engen ft. @wileys-russo 's fresa! sol struggles with school, and facing the threat of having to repeat the year, ingrid and mapi try to get her some study help. it doesn't go... exceptionally well.
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It was more frustrating than anything. For years, you hadnât really given school much thought, or put in very much effort. And then, suddenly, youâd been shipped off to Spain and everything was different. Everything changed again six months later, and suddenly, school felt like something that held a lot more weight.
You didnât have many opportunities to make Ingrid and Mapi proud of you. Sure, theyâd say they were proud of you when you asked for help while having a panic attack, or for setting some sort of boundary. That just didnât feel⊠right. It didnât feel like it was enough. They were bending over backwards, every day, to make you feel known and seen and loved, and the least you could do was show that they were helping you, right?
So, very suddenly, school was important. Grades were important. It seemed, though, that the years of not caring and not paying attention had taken their toll. Because you studied, and you actually tried but it wasnât enough. Your grades were still⊠mediocre. Nothing to brag about.Â
You worked harder, to no avail. You tried different methods of studying, you devoted hours and hours to your schoolwork, and⊠no improvement. So much of your work felt like it went way over your head.Â
You had promised yourself you wouldnât be upset when you handed Ingrid the test youâd gotten back. She had a busy week and she really didnât need you breaking down over a stupid test, like you had earlier in the school bathroom. Your plan was to bypass your sister and her girlfriend, head straight to your room, and maybe slam the door. If you acted angry, they were more likely to give you space to calm down, which meant there was much less of a chance youâd get all pathetic and upset. Â
Only, youâd forgotten that Ingrid had known you were getting the test back today, having seen you study and study and study for it. Your sister was sure that since you studied so much, it must be a good grade, and she had a magnet all ready to attach your exam to the fridge.Â
The minute you walked into the house and saw her waiting in the kitchen, freshly showered from training, an expectant and excited look on her face, you shrunk in on yourself, very suddenly wanting a hug more than you wanted to cry silently into your pillow all alone.
âHowâd you do?!â Ingrid asked excitedly, her smile only faltering when your lip began to wobble. âSolstrĂ„le?â
âIâm sorry.â You choked out tugging the collar of your shirt up over your eyes before she could see you begin to cry. Ingridâs arms were wrapping around you only a moment later, holding you tight against her as she floundered, confused as to what had upset you.
âHey, itâs okay. Whatever happened, itâs alright. Iâve got you.â Ingrid promised, making eye contact over your head with Mapi, who had wandered into the kitchen and caught sight of you trembling against your sister.Â
Ingrid thought something must have happened at school, and Mapi quickly came to the same conclusion. The thought that youâd done poorly on your test, and this was the reason behind your distress, never even crossed her mind. Ingrid had never known you to care much about your grades, and while you were trying harder now, she didnât think something like a bad result could get you this upset.Â
âIâm really sorry. I tried my best.â You whimpered, briefly wondering when youâd turned into this person who cried at the drop of a hat and allowed her sister to hug you whenever you were upset. It was so different. Everything was so different.Â
âWhat are you sorry for?â She asked, heart melting a bit as Mapi walked closer and pressed a kiss to the top of your head, before perching on the counter. âTell me, Sol, tell me whatâs wrong.âÂ
Wordlessly, you withdrew from the comforting embrace of your sister and swung your bag off your shoulder. You unzipped it, pulling out the exam from the red folder Ingrid had neatly labeled for you. You handed it to her, eyes brimming with tears again at the sight of all the red marks all over the first page.Â
Ingridâs first instinct was to sigh, but youâd been with her long enough for her to know youâd just shut down. Not to mention that she knew how much work youâd been putting into this specific exam. Prepared to ask you what had gone wrong, she looked up to see that the tears had stopped. There wasnât a hint of emotion on your face, like you were preparing yourself to be yelled at. Ingrid had no such plans.
âOh, Sol. KjĂŠre, come here.â She said instead, pulling you back into her. There was some hesitation on your part, but after a second you melted into the hug, knowing that if Ingrid was upset, she would have told you so by now. âYou studied so hard, Iâm sorry it didnât go well.âÂ
âIâm sorry.â You said again, frowning when Ingrid pulled back and placed both her hands on your face, tilting your head up to look at her.Â
âYou have nothing to be sorry for. You tried your best, thatâs all I want from you.â
You shook your head, but didnât say anything, instead opting to stare at your shoes. You hadnât taken them off at the door, breaking one of Ingrid and Mapiâs rules. This additional mistake, regardless of how small it was, made you feel even worse. You couldnât do anything right.Â
A tattooed hand grabbed yours, and you looked up at Mapi. She had moved closer, holding the exam in one hand, her other gripping yours.Â
âThis is a passing grade, mi sol. Why are you so upset? Itâs not like you to get so worked up over school.â Your face flushed, but before you could step away, Mapiâs grip tightened, as if sheâd sensed you were about to run. âCome on, itâs us. You can tell us.âÂ
âI.. Itâs not good enough.â You stammered, looking between your sister and her girlfriend with genuine despair written all across your face. âI wanted to do well. For both of you., I wanted you to be proud of me.âÂ
âOh, Sol,â Ingrid sighed, exchanging a look with Mapi that only served to make you feel even more foolish. It had taken so much for you to admit why you were working so hard, and though you knew, logically, that Ingrid wasnât trying to make you feel dumb, she had.Â
You wrenched away from her, suddenly deciding that you didn't need her pity. Backing up until you hit the wall on the opposite side of the kitchen, you began to ramble. Unable to look either Ingrid or Mapi in the eye, you missed the sadness on their faces. âNo, forget it. Itâs fine. Itâs really fine. Itâs not a big deal, Itâs my own fault, Iâm too stupid to learn stuff my classmates already know-â
âHey!â Mapi cut in, sounding uncharacteristically stern. âYou are not stupid. Donât ever say that again.âÂ
You froze, staring at her with your mouth agape. Ingrid took a cautious step closer, aware she was toeing a thin line between you breaking down again, and pushing you into anger.Â
âYou arenât stupid.â Ingrid echoed. âYouâre not stupid, and you know you arenât. Itâs just one exam, Sol, it doesnât make or break anything.âÂ
At this, you averted your eyes, a blush creeping up your neck. This exam could be a determining factor in your educational career. Ingrid just didnât really know that information yet. Like a bloodhound, though, Ingrid caught the scent of your secret, her eyebrows raising as she stared at you.Â
âIt doesnât make or break anything, right?âÂ
It was a staring contest for a few moments, one you and Ingrid both knew she would win, yet you kept it going all the same. The silence became too intense, the gazes of your sister and her girlfriend breaking your resolve rather quickly. With a heavy sigh, you reached for your bag yet again and pulled out a slightly wrinkled envelope.Â
Ingrid held her hand out expectantly, apprehension clear on her face. You handed her the envelope, eyes still training on the floor.Â
âSolstrĂ„le. This is addressed to me.â Ingrid huffed, removing the letter from inside and beginning to read it. Mapi moved forward, peeking over her girlfriendâs shoulder, eyes quickly scanning over the letter. You braced yourself, prepared for the worst.Â
The last time youâd brought home something like this⊠youâd ended up living in Spain. Which was potentially the best thing that could have happened, but you had a feeling the consequences of this letter wouldnât work out as well.Â
Your sister placed the paper down on the counter, raking her fingers through her hair as she thought for a moment. She wasnât quite sure what to say. Part of her wanted to yell, but when was that ever the right choice? Before she could decide, MarĂaâs shoulder bumped into hers. Her girlfriend nodded in your direction, clearly trying to get Ingrid to see how terrified you were.Â
And Ingrid couldnât yell at you when you were like this, all sad and scared with your head bowed and your arms folded across your chest protectively.Â
âSol?â She said, her tone much quieter and kinder than you were expecting it to be. You looked up at her, shocked further to see that she didnât look very angry. âWhy didnât you give this to me last week when they sent it?âÂ
Ingrid nodded towards the date on the letter, and you exhaled shakily. âI⊠I was hoping I could just try really hard for the rest of the year and do really well in all my classes and it would be fine.âÂ
Your sister nodded slowly, reading the letter over again.Â
Mapi took the opportunity to chime in, her hand absentmindedly resting on your sisterâs back, even as she fixed her warm gaze on you. âNena, that is a lot for you to carry all by yourself. Having the threat of maybe needing to repeat the year hanging over your head⊠you should have told us.âÂ
You shrugged, blinking away the moisture pooling in your eyes at Mapiâs tone. âI didnât want to disappoint you guys.â You mumbled.Â
âYou havenât disappointed anyone!â Mapi exclaimed, frowning when you just scoffed in response. âIâm serious, Sol. We saw you study and study for this exam. You did your best, youâre doing your best. Thatâs all we can ask from you.âÂ
âMy best isnât good enough! Iâm going to fail and have to repeat the year.â You cried, throwing your hands up in the air in exasperation. The mere thought of another year of school was horrifying.Â
Ingrid finally put the letter down, a blazingly determined expression on her face. âNo. Youâre not going to fail anything. Weâll help you, weâll reach out to your teachers, weâll get you extra help. Weâll figure it out, Sol, but youâre not going to fail. Not if I have anything to say about it.âÂ
For anyone else, that may have sounded overbearing. For you, though, it just felt supportive. It felt like you werenât dealing with this yourself anymore, and that was a relief you didnât know you needed.Â
âOkay.â You said quietly. âThanks.âÂ
Luckily, your sister knew you well enough to understand that after such an intense conversation, youâd need some time to yourself to process.Â
âHey,â Ingrid said, catching your wrist and turning you around slightly before you could leave the room. âIâm already proud of you, and the person you are. You could fail every test for the rest of your life, and Iâd still be proud of you. Okay?â
You blinked at her for a prolonged second, before you nodded jerkily. Turning to head up the stairs to your room, you changed your mind, spinning back around and falling into your sister. She hugged you tight, as she always did, and you wondered briefly how you got so lucky.Â
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It was the following day that Mapi and Ingrid proposed their plan. Before theyâd even said anything, you knew a few things.Â
One, that they were excited about whatever plan theyâd cooked up that day at training.Â
And two, that you werenât really going to have a choice in the matter.Â
As a general rule, Ingrid and Mapi didnât make you do many things. If they thought something was important, theyâd encourage you to try it a few times, and then theyâd let you stop if you still didnât like it. That was how it had been for the schoolâs climbing club, the schoolâs hiking club, and the schoolâs baking club. All those were activities you enjoyed, but⊠activities you enjoyed doing yourself.
Well, not always.You loved to climb and hike with Ingrid. Frido, too, sometimes. And you could bake for hours with Mapi helping, measuring out ingredients and getting baking flour everywhere. But doing any of the above with strangers who spoke in rapid, fluent Spanish or catalan, was not fun. It was anxiety inducing.Â
You knew this was about to be another one of those ideas, the ones you had to give a fair shot.Â
It was at dinner, and you were trying to hide the wince everytime you picked up your water glass with your right hand, your wrist intensely aching after the time you spent in the climbing gym after school. It always hurt when you climbed for too long, though it was getting worse with every passing day. Another problem for another day, you decided, seeing the barely contained glee on Mapiâs face as she cleared her throat.Â
âWhat?â You said suspiciously, putting your fork down and narrowing your eyes at the Spaniard.Â
Mapi opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, Ingrid chimed in.Â
âMapiâs made you a playdate!â She said, smirking when her girlfriend wacked her in the arm.Â
âIngrid, that is not going to help me convince her.â Mapi huffed, sitting back in her chair and crossing her arms over her chest.Â
Still unamused, you continued to frown at Mapi. âIâd love it if you didnât keep proposing ideas that youâd need to convince me of. Teaching you how to rock climb, trying to get that stain out of my favorite sweatshirt yourself, being the keeper while you practiced your free kicks, helping you build that bonfireââ
âI donât know what youâre talking about.â Mapi dismissed.Â
âYou got stuck on the rock wall, my sweatshirt has a hole in it, the ball hit me so hard in the stomach I threw up, and both of us lost part of our eyebrows!âÂ
Mapi glared at you, while Ingrid hid her face behind her hand as her body shook with silent laughter.Â
âWell this plan,â Mapi sighed, âis Ingrid AND Alexia approved.âÂ
That wiped the smile off your face.Â
âAlexia? What does she have to do with this?âÂ
There were a few things you knew for certain about Mapi. One, she didnât give up easily. Another, that she wanted more than anything for you to be friends with Alexiaâs little sister. And from the sly smile on her face, you were almost sure you knew where this was headed.Â
âI asked her to ask Fresa to tutor you!â
âNo.â You said immediately.Â
Mapi continued like you hadnât spoken. âFresa is a bit younger than you, but already finished your year! Sheâs studying to be a nurse, sheâs very smart. Fres speaks English and she can help you with your Spanish and any other school things you need help with.âÂ
âNo.â You repeated, looking helplessly at your sister. Ingrid looked to finally be taking the situation seriously, a familiar look on her face; one you knew meant that no matter how much you argued, she was going to get her way. Meanwhile, Mapi was still droning on.Â
ââget along great with her! I think you guys have a lot in common, and it could be fun and educational!âÂ
âAnd you know all the best things are fun and educational.â Ingrid chimed in cheerily, this time her face telling you to go along with Mapiâs idea because she was excited about it, or else.Â
âEducational.â You said sarcastically. âSuper!âÂ
Still, you agreed, Mapi grinned at you, and Ingrid patted your back reassuringly. Mapi had a lot of bad ideas. You were pretty sure this would turn out to be the worst.Â
â
You always spent more time at the climbing gym when things were rough. Back in Norway, youâd spend multiple hours a day, everyday, there. It was one of your tells; Ingrid always knew something was bothering you if you went to climb right after school. It was your way of shoving your emotions down before you could feel them, before your sister could read the hurt on your face and give you one of those tight hugs that brought tears to your eyes.Â
Only, sometimes climbing didnât do it. Sometimes, it felt like the walls were closing in, like you were about to suffocate, if you didnât have some time completely by yourself to think. On those days, you really preferred to hike. You hadnât felt that urge in a while; the urge to just disappear for hours, walk until your legs felt like they were going to fall up, and sit at the top of the trail until the world felt like a place you wanted to be in again. The last time had been back in Norway, after a day you didnât even want to think about.Â
Yet you found yourself in that same familiar mindset after your first study session with Fresa.Â
It hadnât gone well. You tried to go into it confident, sure that if you acted chill enough, sheâd maybe miss that you had no idea what you were doing with your schoolwork.Â
Confident, even as you arrived 15 minutes late. Scout had gotten his favorite toy, a small tiger that squeaked, stuck under the sofa, and it had taken you time you didnât have to get it out for him. You could have left it, but Ingrid and Mapi werenât home and you knew Scout would just sit by the couch and cry the whole time you were gone if you didnât get his tiger out for him, and you couldnât bear the thought of leaving him to be so upset. And then youâd had a hard time finding a parking space at the library, and the directions inside were all in Spanish and Fresa had texted you to follow the signs to the study rooms but you misread the sign and went to the opposite end of the library before figuring out your mistake. And you would have texted you were going to be late, because you hated being late, but your phone was dead and the cord from your car had gone missing.Â
When you entered the room, Fresa already looked annoyed.Â
Annoyed, with her hair pulled back into a ponytail, twirling a pen repeatedly in an almost unconscious manner. She looked very⊠put together.Â
âLlegas tarde.â She commented, rolling her eyes when you didnât reply. Your face flushed a bit as she must have picked up on your confusion, repeating herself in english. âYou are late.âÂ
Any other time, you would have known what she said. Your issue wasnât really understanding Spanish, it was more speaking and reading it. You felt weirdly flustered though today, like your brain was distracted and not quite able to follow what the other girl was saying. Anxious, too, at this social situation youâd been forced into.Â
Briefly, you thought about explaining about Scout and the tiger and the parking space and the signs being in Spanish, but then you realized Fresa wouldnât care about any of that. So instead, you just nodded and apologized, feeling your heart start to pound from the anxiety of the situation.Â
You didnât like talking to new people. Especially pretty new people who spoke a different language and were looking at you like you werenât very smart. Even if you thought that yourself⊠you didnât want anyone else to think so. Any intention of actually asking Fresa for help with the mountains of stuff you were confused with went out the window, then, and you almost subconsciously decided to just⊠try to get through without letting her know quite how lost you were.Â
Fresa was alarmingly smart. She kept asking you questions about your work, about what you needed help with. Everything didnât feel like an answer you wanted to give. Fresa seemed organized, though, and you assumed letting her take the lead and decide what to work on would placate her. Instead, she just looked more and more annoyed with every passing second.
 She kept asking questions about this paper and that paper and you didnât know what papers she was talking about. You felt so stupid. More stupid than when youâd failed your test last week.Â
âHow do you even find the right paper in there?â Fresa asked, pulling a judgemental look as you rifled through your bag, searching for the article she was asking for.
Your bag was a mess, you knew it was a mess. Youâd knocked your coffee over all your folders a few days ago, sitting at the counter when Scout barked and startled you. That was oddly upsetting in and of itself because Ingrid had gotten you the folders and labeled them for you and you felt like youâd destroyed something nice sheâd done for you. You hadnât told her, not wanting to hurt her feelings or anything, so now your school papers were living crinkled and disorganized in your bag.
And you were pretty sure the article Fresa was asking for had been a casualty of the coffee incident, because youâd scanned the paper and thought it wasnât important before throwing it out. The Spanish had confused you, and you hadnât realized youâd need the article for an assignment. Stupid.Â
 You were feeling more and more embarrassed as the minutes passed. And, maybe, your reaction to feeling embarrassed was always anger. You pulled out a random piece of paper, slamming it down onto the table with more force than necessary in your haste to give the Spaniard something.Â
Fresa instantly knew that what youâd given her wasnât the right article, asking again if you had it as you shoved the other paper back into your bag.Â
Logically, you knew you should just⊠admit you threw it away because you didnât realize you needed it. For some reason, you just couldnât get the words out of your mouth. You couldnât get any words out of your mouth, feeling shockingly like crying. Nothing was going right and you were making yourself look like an idiot and all you could do was shrug as Fresa looked at you and took a deep breath.Â
Then, she seemed to come to some kind of realization, her expression softening slightly.Â
âCan you not read this? The spanish?âÂ
You flinched, feeling your face flush. Again, the reply of âno I canât, would you please help me?â seemed to evade you. Instead, you spewed some lie about being able to read the article, calling Fresaâs questions stupid and telling her she was wasting your time.Â
Fresa seemed to have reached her breaking point, her voice rising as yours had. You didnât really hear what she said, much too distracted by the way her eyebrows knitted together when she was frustrated, and the way her hand tightly gripped the pen she was holding.Â
Then, she made an offensive impression of your shrugging. And if you hadnât been angry before, you were absolutely fuming now.Â
So what if you were quiet? It wasnât like you really needed to talk much, considering how many questions sheâd asked. You were furious at being called out for all your bullshit, feeling like a mess compared to the perfect girl next to you. A very angry mess whoâd had a long day and was cursing one MarĂa LeĂłn for making her do this and cursing the beautiful girl next to her for being so infuriating. Â
âAlexiaâs super little sister. Everyone says you are so smart. Can you not see I do not want your help? You want to be a doctor, no? So go find someone who does.âÂ
Fresaâs nostrils flared as she shoved her chair away from the table and got to her feet. She began angrily putting her stuff into her bag, and you remained completely still, unable to stop this whole meeting from going up in flames.Â
âEres un maldita idiota!â Fresa snapped, her face red with anger.Â
There wasnât really anything worse she could have said to you at that moment.Â
âSnobbete kjerring.â You threw back, feeling a sharp spike of satisfaction when she zipped her bag angrily, completely incapable of understanding what youâd called her.Â
âYou know, I did this as a favor, tonta. I have worked all day, I came right here after my shift, on time. I have my own studies to do because yes, I want to be a nurse. I am smart, and I know what I want to do with my life. Maybe if you get your head out of your own ass, Engen, you might too! And you are right, this is a waste of time. My time!â
Fresa stomped out of the room, then, and you waited until she was out of sight before dropping your head into your hands with a deep sigh.Â
That couldnât have gone⊠any worse. And though it was probably all mostly your fault, you couldnât help the resentment building for the intelligent, stuck up girl that had thrown insult after insult at you, hitting you in all the places it hurt. You packed your own stuff up once you were sure you wouldnât run into Fresa again in the parking lot or something, shuffling dejectedly to your car.
The overthinking had begun. Was it really overthinking, you wondered, if youâd actually completely fucked up and the reasons for your anxiety were entirely reasonable? You werenât sure, and you supposed it didnât matter, your thoughts quickly spiraling as you rewinded the short meeting in your head.Â
The shrugging had really gotten to her, but you werenât sure what else to do. When in doubt, you had learned silence got you the best results. Often, no one really cared what you had to say anyway. Fresa was different, though, looking at you with her wide eyes, expecting an answer. It was intimidating. It scared you, honestly, how well the other girl seemed to see right through you.Â
And maybe⊠maybe there were some other feelings brewing. Ones you didnât want to consider. Feeling that didnât even matter given the way Fresa had stormed out. It didnât seem like there would be another study session.
This led you to your other problem. Youâd fucked this up. Something your sister and Mapi had gone out of their way to set up for you, because they didnât want you to have to repeat the year.Â
You didnât like to make mistakes. Every single one you made carried the risk that Ingrid would lose her patience with you, and give up. She hadnât yet, and youâd messed up a fair amount in the past several months, but you couldnât let yourself believe that no mistake could push her away. That just wasnât a possibility. So, rather than face your failure, tell Ingrid and Mapi how awkward and weird youâd been, you ran.Â
Or walked, you supposed. Your study session with Fresa had ended at 4:00, and it was almost 8 when you found yourself at the top of your favorite trail, legs scratched and aching, as the sun slipped below the horizon. Your phone was still dead and now Ingrid was absolutely going to kill you for going off the grid.Â
You broke traffic laws on the way home, any peace youâd found at the top of the hiking trail entirely gone as anxiety began to build up inside of you again.Â
Stepping into the house, you slipped off your muddy shoes, wincing at the blood trickling down the few cuts on your legs. Before you could even set your car keys down, though, footsteps were pounding down the hallway towards you.Â
âOh, thank god.â Ingrid gasped, sounding alarmingly emotional as she rushed forward and crushed you into a hug. âSheâs here!âÂ
âDios mio.â Mapi muttered, appearing over your sisterâs shoulder a moment later. Ingrid pulled away from you, her hands on your shoulders keeping you at arm's length. Her face quickly transformed from relieved to furious.Â
âWhere the hell have you been?â She hissed.Â
âIââ
âDo you have any idea how worried Iâve been? You didnât call, you didnât text. You were supposed to be home hours ago, Sol. Your location wouldnât show up on my phone, Fresa even said you ended your meeting early,â Ingrid ranted, though you began to tune her out at the sound of her name.Â
âYou talked to Fresa?â You interrupted, ignoring the incredulous look on Ingridâs face, turning your attention towards Mapi who was staring stonily at you.Â
âThat doesnât fucking matter right now. Where were you? Are you drunk? High? Were you fighting?â Ingrid demanded.
Each accusation felt like a bullet to the heart as Ingrid grabbed your chin and yanked it towards her, looking intently at your eyes. You shoved her away angrily; Ingrid wasnât supposed to see you as that person anymore. She had promised that she didnât, that she knew you werenât a bad kid, that you had just been having a hard time. Now, though. She was looking at you like she didnât trust a word that was about to come out of your mouth.Â
âNo.â You spat at her, grabbing your phone from your pocket and slamming it on the front hall table. âI went on a hike after I met Fresa and my phone died. I lost track of time. I wasnât getting drunk or high and I wasnât fighting anybody, but thanks for having some faith in me.â Your voice dripped with sarcasm, and even though you expected Ingrid to soften with a bit of guilt, she only seemed emboldened with anger.Â
âDonât you dare turn this around on me. You were supposed to be back four hours ago SolstrĂ„le. Four! This was so irresponsible. Do you not care that we were worried? Do you not care that we were here waiting for you? That Mapi made dinner, and you were going to work on her bike? Or that we were supposed to make cookies? After everything weâve done for you, SolstrĂ„le, I expect more.â She was shouting at this point, pacing back and forth in front of you.Â
You looked to Mapi, hoping for her to step in and talk her girlfriend down, but she looked almost as mad as Ingrid was, and you shrunk in on yourself.
âYou areâŠ. you are grounded. This is unacceptable, and you better never let it happen again. That is not how family behaves SolstrĂ„le. Did you think about how worried we would be? I am so upset with you, so disappointed that you didnât think about anyone but yourself, that you were so selfishââ
âAlright, Ingrid. Enough.â Mapi cut in finally, stepping forward to grab her girlfriend's hand and squeeze it. You were frozen in front of your sister, fighting the sob that was building in your throat.Â
Ingrid stepped back, her face still red with anger. A hint of regret flickered across her face at the sight of your lip trembling and the tears in your eyes. Still, you looked confused, and Ingrid couldnât shove her anger down at your lack of understanding. She turned, stomping off towards the kitchen, leaving you and Mapi behind.Â
âSol-â
âIâm going to shower. Sorry, Mapi. Iâm sorry.â You mumbled, pushing past her and heading up the stairs before the Spaniard could get out another word. Â
Mapi sighed tiredly, rubbing her hand over her face. Her Engens were going to make her go grey.Â
â
You had only just pulled some pajamas on after your shower when Mapi knocked, her gentle voice calling to you from the hall.Â
âYeah?â You called back, voice gravelly from all the sobbing you had done in the shower.Â
Mapi entered, the first aid kit in her hands and a much calmer expression on her face. She was in her pajamas, too, clearly having been waiting up for you to get out of the shower. It had been a long one. Another thing to be sorry for, keeping Mapi awake.Â
âCan I help with your legs?â She wondered, gesturing to the many cuts that littered them.
Shrugging noncommittally, you sunk down onto the edge of the bed, Mapi soon taking a seat opposite you. She pulled your calf up to rest across her lap, getting out the antiseptic spray and a few bandages. You purposefully looked away, barely having been able to get the blood off in the shower without getting light headed.Â
âAre you okay, mi sol?â Mapi murmured, fanning her hands over the cuts so the spray would dry faster. Mapi had a way of looking at you, eyes crinkled with concern and kindness, that made you want to burst into tears. You fought that instinct.Â
âI am fine.âÂ
Mapi sighed, unwrapping a few of the bandages and beginning to carefully put them on you.Â
âThen someone else was crying in the shower while you were in there?âÂ
No reply came, and Mapi sighed again, tapping your leg to tell you she was done with that one.Â
âLook, I know Ingrid was harsh, but you have to understand how worried she was. How worried we both were. I know you still remember the things you wrote in that letter all those months ago. Things like that donât just go away, Sol, and when you disappear for hours without a word, we worry.âÂ
This time, Mapi got a shrug in reply, and a small sniffle. She finished up with your other leg, gently pushing it off her lap and pulling you into a soft hug. âItâs okay, SolstrĂ„le. Everything is fine now.âÂ
You scoffed through your tears. âNothing is fine, Mapi. I screwed up with Fresa, I screwed up with Ingrid. They both probably hate me. Please, just go. Iâm tired.âÂ
Mapi shook her head. âYouâre upset, I just want toââ
âNo Mapi, just leave me be.â You tried to sound firm, but your voice was shaking almost as much as your hands were, and you were sure you just came off as pathetic.Â
âAlright, nena. I love you, hmm? Donât be too hard on yourself.âÂ
You remained silent, flopping back onto your bed as Mapi walked out of the room. Scout hopped up on the bed in her absence, licking your cheek twice before curling into your side.Â
It wasnât being too hard on yourself; the self hatred you felt in that moment was completely justified. You were very sure of that.Â
â
You were tucked into bed when the door creaked open again, Scout not even bothering to lift his head from where it was tucked into the comforter draped over your leg. You blinked your eyes open and they widened in surprise at the sight of Ingrid walking into the room, hair messy as though sheâd been tossing and turning. She neared the edge of your bed, leaning down and kissing your forehead gently.Â
âGoodnight, sweetheart. I donât hate you, okay? I love you very much. Everything is going to be okay, so just try to get some rest.âÂ
You nodded weakly, impatiently pushing a tear off your cheek with the back of your hand. âIâm sorry, Ingrid. Really sorry.âÂ
âItâs alright. Youâre safe, yes? And thatâs all that really matters.â Ingrid promised, and you nodded, sniffling pathetically. âWe can talk more tomorrow, but just go to sleep, okay? Everything is fine.âÂ
âLove you.â You mumbled, Ingrid smiling softly down at her. You didnât often say that first, something Ingrid attributed to having said it to your Mamma and not heard it back so many times.Â
âI love you.â Ingrid replied, patting your cheek twice before tucking the covers up tighter around you, and heading out of the room.Â
â
You woke up to a few unexpected things the next morning. One, it was almost 11 and Scout hadnât woken you up demanding a walk. In fact, Scout was nowhere to be found. Two, the sounds of Mapiâs Spanish soap and Ingridâs clanging around the kitchen echoed through the house. Youâd forgotten they had the day off today. Ingrid must have taken Scout out to let you sleep in.Â
The first two unexpected things, then, were explainable. The third⊠was not.Â
A text from Fresa.Â
Tuesday at the library. If you want to give it another shot. I think I can help.Â
You thought about the way youâd behaved, and the way Fresa had spoken to you. Before you could delete the thread with her and close your phone, though, you thought about the letter youâd hidden from your sister. The excited smile on Mapiâs face when youâd agreed to let Fresa tutor you.Â
Before you quite knew what you were doing, you pulled the message back up, your fingers typing away without you telling them to.
Yeah. Iâd appreciate that. What time?Â
There was something that drew you to Fresa, even as she infuriated you. Maybe it was how her voice had softened when sheâd asked if you couldnât read the Spanish on the paper, or maybe it was how sheâd smiled unconsciously, watching Alexia score a goal the past weekend. It was a nice smile. And she had a nice voice.Â
None of it really made any sense to you, but youâd already sent the text.Â
â
For some reason, you felt a bit awkward. There was something very odd about knowing Mapi had been upset with you, because normally that was just Ingrid. But you knew Mapi had been just as worried last night as Ingrid, and just as upset. Sheâd been in the garage all morning, too, and you wondered if she was avoiding you or allowing you to decide to come to her if you wanted to talk.
After the 5th time you glanced at the door to the garage, though, Ingrid rolled her eyes from where she was sitting at the other end of the couch, typing away on her computer.Â
âGo talk to her. Sheâs not angry, I promise.âÂ
Ingrid wasnât angry anymore, either. Youâd spoken with her practically first thing when youâd woken up, apologizing again and again and emphasizing that you hadnât really realized how your actions would have affected Ingrid until it was too late.Â
Youâd told her about a time back in Norway when youâd stayed out all night after a fight with your Mamma, and when youâd come home the next morning, she hadnât even noticed that youâd been gone. Ingrid understood a bit more, then, and was quick to hug you tight and whisper that she forgave you.
And even though Mapi had come in last night and tried to make you feel better, you knew she might have been waiting to be upset until she knew for sure you were okay. That made you even more nervous.Â
Ingrid snorted from behind you when you knocked on the door to the garage, as normally you just walked right in. You shot her a glare, stepping inside the garage at the sound of Mapiâs quiet come in.Â
The defender didnât glance up as you walked in, but you took a seat in the chair next to her. Your chair.Â
It was quiet for a moment, the sounds of Mapiâs metal tool gently clanging against the bike.Â
âWhat did Fresa say to you last night?â You blurted out, face flushing red because why was that the first thing out of your mouth.Â
Mapi fixed you with a half amused look, shaking her head. âThat is what youâre asking?âÂ
âNo.â You sighed. âAre you mad at me?âÂ
âNo.â Mapi echoed, going quiet for a moment as she thought. âNot mad. Itâs just hard for me, Sol. Last night, you didnât even think that weâd be worried about you and where you were. It just makes me a bit sad.â
âOh.âÂ
âAnd itâs not your fault, nena. I just worry for you.âÂ
You nodded slowly. âIâm really sorry. I should have thought about how worried you guys would have been.â
Mapi gave you a half smile. âI know you are. And you wonât do it again sĂ?âÂ
Your head bobbed up and down rapidly as you agreed, more sure than youâd ever been that youâd not be doing something that stupid again.Â
âNow. Why are you so concerned with what Fresa said to me, hmm? What did you do?"
â
#woso imagine#woso x reader#barcelona femeni x reader#woso one shot#woso fanfics#ingrid engen x platonic reader#ingrid engen x mapĂ leon#engen!reader#ingrid engen x reader#mapi leon x platonic reader#mapi leon x reader#đâïž
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I'm excited for your thoughts on the new season if/when you share them
It has legit taken me 3 days to come to terms with Act 1. Enough to be able to speak about it. Gunna apologize in advance for the wall of text, and Iâm hiding it under a break for spoiler reasons. Also prefacing with these are all just my opinions. All are free to disagree with me and RB with discussions/theories etc. just donât be a dick about it, Iâm not engaging in any discourse.
Ok. So. I have mixed feelings, and Iâm aware that this is because I donât have the whole story yet. So this is all contingent on how the rest of the season plays out.
First and foremost, Iâm⊠wildly swinging back and forth between love and disappointment for Viktorâs arc. So first the negative, and Iâll try to keep it brief because a lot of people have already expressed this and I donât need to be beating that particular dead horse.
Viktor has had his agency, his bodily autonomy, his original ideas and nearly everything that made him Viktor stripped away. Nothing so far has been his choice. And while this could have worked just fine for an original character, he wasnât. So there is a massive disconnect between what this character was/should have been. In League, it was all his choice (albeit with a healthy dose of mental illness thrown in, but still). AND it was very heavily suggested that many of the augmentations he performed werenât as extensive as he lead everyone to believe (namely the controlling/dousing of his emotions). But it appears that whatever the Hexcore did to him, itâs real. He is clearly having a difficult time accessing his emotions, and if he can feel anything, it is limited to the point of him being completely stoic. And the thing with stoic characters is that you obliterate any emotional payoff for the audience. Itâs very hard to make an audience feel an emotional connection to a characterâs story arc when they themselves donât feel anything (I have a theory about this though, but Iâll address it a little later in this post). And then there is the issue of Blitzcrank. Blitz was Viktorâs whole world, after his exile. How are they going to swing that? Like, Iâm not even asking for Blitz to be in Arcane (that would be great, but I really donât think they have time). But I stg if they take Blitz away from Viktor, make them someone elseâs invention (my suspicion is Heimer or he finds the idea in Skyâs journal)⊠Iâm sorry but no. This was Viktorâs idea, Viktorâs genius. I will genuinely be extremely upset if they take that from him too.
Then there is the whole situation with Sky. First, this girl was fridged. She was nothing but a plot device and continues to be just that. It feels hollow and forced, especially now that heâs hallucinating her as some sort of penance for what he did. (I have seen the prevalent theory that itâs the Hexcore using her image and his guilt to manipulate him, given that it âateâ her, and we have seen it âmanipulateâ him before when it punished him for trying to destroy it). But back to Skyâhe barely acknowledged that poor girl. The reason for that can be argued, whether itâs because heâs gay or because he was just so wrapped up in his one-track minded research. But regardless, there just wasnât enough setup between those two for this whole thing to have as much weight and meaning as I think itâs supposed to. Honestly to me (TO ME) it reeks of comphet. It feels like that random woman they threw at Poe Dameron to No Homo him. Iâm not even asking for Jayvik canon. But the creators were well aware of this ship, after all itâs the second most popular ship in this show and itâs been around since 2012 when Jayce was literally created for Viktor. Iâm asking for the bare minimum hereâthat itâs left open-ended as it was in League, open for interpretation.
Last negative I have is the whole Viktor Jesus thing. The first problem is I am pretty violently agnostic, and messiah narratives have never spoken to me. I donât enjoy them, they feel weak. The whole âordained by a higher powerâ thing is just⊠stale. Especially when this character originally had no higher power, he gave it to himself through his own hard work and ingenuity. Honestly, Viktorâs original arc is about as far from a Jesus allegory as you can possibly get. And I am absolutely terrified that theyâre going to end said Jesus arc the way youâd expectâwith him dying for it. Which leaves the moral of his story âdisabled man should have just accepted that he was going to die despite the fact that it was the oppression and xenophobia of Piltover that left him out to dry, without proper health care, accessibility, equality, or equity that lead to his terminal diagnosis to begin with.â Which is a very oppressor-centric narrative and we do not need another one of those.
Sorry, I know I said Iâd keep the negatives brief, and that was⊠not. My bad. But moving on!
Iâm not saying I didnât enjoy it, I did. I am working to embrace this new Viktor narrative and work it into my brain in a way that doesnât ruin the ship for me. So without further ado, the positives.
Jayce.
Jayce.
Jayce.
Iâd have to go back and time it, but it feels like he got more screen time in this first act than the entirety of the first season combined, and his character shined for it. It humanized him in ways season one never did. Heâs caring, heâs devoted, and he loved Viktor! No matter what kind of love you think it is, it proves he loved Viktor without a doubt. He carried Viktor several city blocks to the lab to save him, and then YES, he broke his promise about the Hexcore because he couldnât stand the thought of losing him!
And heâs funny! (The scene where he picks up the regular sized hammer in the fight against Renni and made that âthis is ironicâ face?? And then basically the entire interaction with Ekko? The hand me a tome thing, and then when he basically pulled this when Ekko suggested âso this is all your fault cuz you pissed off the Arcaneâ:
GOD that shit was great. Jayceâs personality just shined, and maybe itâs too much to hope, but maybe this will douse a little of the hate. Because instead of being a subtle hint at all of those things being true about him, itâs now overt. And when people lack media literacy, the hints have to be overt.
And th-the. The h. The HUG SCENE. I donât think I will ever emotionally recover from that scene. Starting with Viktor who, despite being clearly emotionallyâI dunno, vacant I guessâsounded so lost and scared when he said âwhat am I?â For me, it was whispers of that scene from The Last Unicorn: âwhat have you done to me?â And my poor sweet Jayce, who clearly hasnât left this damn lab except to go to Cassandraâs memorial. Sleeping on the desk and bleeding through his bandages because he doesnât want to spend a moment away from Viktor while he ârecovers.â And his euphoric response when he finds Viktor alive, when he realizes he hasnât lost him. And I OWE HIM AN APOLOGY, goddamn. I said in a post that âJayce will not understand.â I thought that was how Arcane was gunna start the divorce. But Jayce genuinely did not care, as long as his lover friend was alive. And just⊠Jayce being so affectionate through this entire scene. The hug obviously, but also blurting things he thought heâd never get to say to ViktorââIâm resigning from the council, my place was always here in the lab with you.â
And⊠the hug itself. I know weâre all analyzing it frame by goddamn frame, but I see exactly what everyone else seesâthere is a moment where Viktor very subtly smiles. But itâs gone in an instant, and it turns bittersweet. LOOK AT HIM.
There is something there, itâs just buried. Deep beneath the surface. It seems to say âI want this, I have wanted this for so long.â But then he realizes something, something I donât think weâre meant to understand yet. Maybe that he doesnât feel anything about it anymore, and he recognizes that this should upset him and it doesnât. Or perhaps itâs something more along the lines of âitâs too late.â Whatever it is, I think this is the exact moment he knows he has to walk away. Because he knows heâll cave to the affection, he said it himself. (Which is another thing entirely. His voice changes when he says that. Something in him is reacting to that word. Maybe heâs fighting against it, or maybe heâs fighting to get it back. But something made him almost growl that word.)
Which leads me to my final thought (for this post anyway, cuz itâs turning into a novel); Viktor is still in there. He can still feel things, I just think theyâre extremely muted by whatever the Hexcore did/continues to do to him, or he has to fight to express them. Because he also smiled at the hallucination of Sky after he âcuredâ Huck. And if he feels nothing, he wouldnât have been âjoyousâ at the thought of her being proud of him, approving of the good things heâs trying to do in her memory. He wouldnât crave that validation, that vindication from her. So Iâm hopeful that we start to see this shell crack a little, especially if those visions of Sky are the Hexcore manipulating him through guilt. It will start to erode him, no matter how stoic he has become. And literally the only thing Iâm clinging to is that Jayce will see this and try to pull him out. âHeâs still in there and I have to save him.â And that maybe itâll start to work.
#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane season two#arcane s2 spoilers#jayvik#jayce talis#arcane viktor#viktor arcane#asks#ace answers
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icantbelieveiletyougetaway.
joost klein x f! reader
tags: dead dove do not eat, f! reader, non-famous! reader, reader really needs to see a therapist, established friendship, theyâre so in love with each other it hurts but canât admit it, joost just wants to be her everything, angst, hurt, comfort, all characters are dutch and speak in dutch but dialogue is written in english for obvious reasons.
word count: 4,156.
warnings: very brief allusion to drugging, heavy and frequent references to SA, violence, vague mentions of non-specific mental illness, rpf.
notes: in my head this takes place in 2021-2022 when joost had that really short, almost buzzcut like hair? like the wachtmuziek era. also, very sorry this is late!! itâs still only been half-proofread and iâm not even sure i like how i wrote the ending but here she is anyway. i love her and i hope you do too đ.
ââ ââ
â° â
â ââ ââ ââ
â° â
â ââ ââ ââ
â° â
â ââ
with shaking hands, you fumbled around the bathroom floor to find your phone. your chest was heaving, the cries that you struggled to keep quiet were getting all caught up in your throat as you fought meekly through the nausea. you wiped at your face again, desperate to clear your vision and leaving behind a mixture of tears, snot, and smeared mascara on the back of your hand.
the room itself was dark, barely lit up by a singular dim, yellow light, though despite the shadows you could still see how everything was spinning. you couldnât remember how many drinks youâd had â it hadnât felt like a lot, you werenât a lightweight by any means but you didnât know how else to explain the state you were in. you couldnât stand up even if you wanted to, your legs strangely numb to the touch and the pounding in your head made staying on the floor all the more appealing anyway.
face down on the grimey, tiled floor you found your phone laying just underneath the sink. you ignored the low battery warning as you swiped through your contacts, squinting through your tears at the screen as if it would actually help you see any better. you were only looking out for one name; the third out of the four that were listed under the letter âJâ, and the only name to have an emoji next to it.
over the sound of the heavy, techno bass that seemed to shake the walls and the buzz of a hundred different people all talking amongst each other, you heard the line start to dial. it didnât make sense to call him out of everyone else that could possibly help you; he was infamously known for never picking up the phone. it was ironic for someone so notoriously attached to their screens, his face typically glued to either his phone or his ipad.
but still, you hadnât so much as thought twice about it as you clicked on his contact and then the call button. With your head tilted back against the wall and your knees curled up tightly against your chest, you prayed to any god listening that by some miracle, he wouldnât be busy.
âhallo?â
you let out a whimper at the mere sound of his voice, a small, pathetic noise that quickly turned into a cry that you didnât bother to stifle. he called out your name for a second time, though now in a tone that was much softer than the one before it.
âiâm sorry, i know itâs late.â you paused to take a breath, your voice having cracked like glass as you spoke. âbut i need your help. i donâtâŠjoost, i donât know what to do.â
âitâs okay, just take a big breath for me.â for just a moment you heard shuffling around on the other end of the line. with each of his footsteps the background noise grew quieter until it disappeared completely, following the sound of a door being shut. âwhere are you?â
âiâm atâŠiâm at this house but i uh, i really donât wanna be here anymore. do you think you couldâŠcan you just come get me, please? iâm sorry.â
over the sound of a drum and bass beat that played so obnoxiously loud, you struggled to catch all the whispers from joostâs side of the phone call. there was another voice there, that much you could hear, and you struggled to place it despite how familiar it sounded. you tried to concentrate on the faint muttering, straining your ears to hear it over the song that blared just below you.
but then you jumped when the banging started. a sudden flurry of fists pounding against the wood and making the bathroom door rattle within its hinges. from the deep laughs that followed, chances were it was just a group of guys trying to be funny, probably thinking it was one of their friends getting lucky on the other side. and yet still, you found yourself gasping for breath as you choked back fresh tears, all the blood that ran through your veins turning cold.
âschatje? did you hear me?â
you could only hum back in response.
âi said i need you to send me your location, okay? and then iâll come get you, i promise.â
it was the moment you figured out how to do so that your phone finally gave up on you. after hitting send, the little map displaying your whereabouts popping up in yours and joostâs text chain, your screen began to freeze. in a moment of panic you managed to choke out that you were locked away in a bathroom before it all went black, leaving you to stare at the taunting dead battery symbol.
you werenât oblivious to the irony of it all. in a house crammed full of people, perhaps even a few too many than it was built to hold, you felt alone. just a few minutes ago that was all you wanted, to be by yourself, but now it left you with a ringing in your ears. the absence of joostâs voice was enough to throw you inside what felt like a black hole, where time seemed to slow the longer you waited for him.
you found a brief comfort in watching the time pass on the old, analog clock that hung high on the wall opposite you; you figured it was a better thing to focus on besides the sharp ache between your legs. it helped keep you distracted from the way everything just hurt now, whatever it was that was in your system already starting to wear off. without it numbing you to the pain of it all, you could feel the headache brewing behind your eyes and the sting of your split lip.
with each minute that dragged by, the slow, high-pitched tick of the clock echoing inside your ears, your mind began to slip further and further away. every time that you closed your eyes you could see it happening all over again; you could feel his hands back on you, ripping at your clothes and bruising your skin.
all the tears that you had only just managed to blink away came rushing back, continuing to decorate your face with more long, dark streaks of black. surely, this was going to be the thing to finally break you. there would never be any redemption or recovery for you â heâd get to live the rest of his life without burden whilst this was bound to be the death of you.
the more you unravelled, the more erratic your cries grew with hiccups racking your body and a deep burning in your eyes. for once you found yourself grateful for the musicâs mind-numbing volume, though somehow it still wasnât enough to mask the sound of a soft tapping against the bathroom door. like a coward you froze, failing to answer back before you heard your own name being yelled out to you, followed by a harsher knock.
âhey itâs me, itâs joost. can you open the door please?â
as you steadily climbed to your feet, using the edge of the sink to help push you up, your knees began to shake. they threatened to buckle out from under you with every step that you took, each limp towards the door sending a short stabbing pain up to your abdomen. the sensation made you wince, your jaw clenched and a grip on the door handle so strong that it turned your knuckles white.
it was almost sardonic how despite being in a house so loud, everything went quiet as soon as that door swung open. the music never stopped nor did anyone dare to change its volume, but all joost could hear was his own heartbeat thumping in his ears as his eyes met yours. all he could do was swallow, pushing down the bile that was quickly rising up his throat.
even in the low, warm light of the bathroom, he could see the streaked mascara that painted your face and the bloodied lip that was still trickling down your chin. your favourite shirt, the one that he himself had bought you, was torn and just about hanging off your shoulders. it exposed a trail of black and blue spots that started along your shoulder and went all the way down your arms, a couple even dotted down your legs.
joost uttered your name, his voice barely audible over the music downstairs. the corners of your frown twitched, your bottom lip quivering as you shook your head, already answering the question he hadnât even asked yet. from where you stood he could see you shaking, your knees weak and barely holding you up right. he didnât hesitate to pull you into him, an arm locking around your waist as his hand found the back of your head, keeping you hidden in his chest.
âjesus christ, what happened to you?â
you couldnât speak, couldnât find the right words to even try and explain what it was you had gone through. you could only weep into the fabric of joostâs jacket, so exhausted and overwhelmed that you didnât have the strength to hold yourself together in front of him. but it was more than enough of an answer for joost who just held you tighter the harder you cried, fighting back tears of his own.
pulling away as gently as he could, joost still kept you in his grasp. his hands cupped either side of your jaw, calloused thumbs wiping away stray-fallen tears as his eyes danced over your face. with a gaze so intense, you could see his eyes growing sadder the longer he looked you over in the dull light of the bathroom.
âi left stunts outside â heâs still in the car. we couldâŠwe should go to the hospital.â
âno!â your own dramatic change in tone caught even you off guard. you couldnât help it, you were panicking now, pulling joost back by his sleeve as he tried to guide you out of the bathroom. the action made you wobble and almost trip over your own feet, flinching at the sudden cramp you felt deep in your stomach. joostâs grip on you hardened, not nearly enough to hurt but enough to keep you from falling back and hitting your head on the sink. ânot tonight. please, i just wanna go home. iâll be fine.â
âyou can barely fucking stand, schatje. you need help.â
âthen i promise iâll go in the morning! but right now i just really need you to take me home, okay? iâm begging you.â
perhaps if joost had a little bit more of a backbone and wasnât so hopelessly head over fucking heels for you, he wouldâve had the courage to say no. he would have been able to look you in the eye and still say that he was going to get you to a doctor, whether you wanted to go or not. but no matter how much he wanted to, how much he hated what you were asking of him, he couldnât. feeling you trembling in his hands and hearing the fear that shook your voice meant there was longer a single thing that joost wouldnât do for you.
you were his best friend just as much as he was yours, regardless of all the very non-platonic things the two of you had done together over the years. as far as you were concerned it was just something that youâd do sometimes, only ever as friends. there were never any conversations about it the next morning, never any acknowledgment for what it was you had done the night before; it was almost like it never happened until it would undoubtedly happen again. you always liked it like that though â as long as it meant that you never had to think about how you really felt.
joost, on the other hand, was painfully aware of what he felt about your situation, about you. it was never just sex for him, not even once, and he wanted to talk about it. and he tried to, a couple of times, spending the first few mornings after trying to coax you back into bed just so he could hold you skin-to-skin for a little while longer. but you never wanted to stay and you never wanted to talk about it, either, so joost stopped. he let it become another pain he had to live with and spent each day telling himself that he was okay with that.
it was with only a slight hesitation that he nodded before standing back up straight, slipping his big black jacket off his arms and draping the material gently over your shoulders.
you let joost take on most of your weight as you leaned into his side, letting him guide you back through the house as you focused on just trying to make it down the stairs without tripping. to say that the place was packed was an understatement. people were crammed into every room like sardines, dancing and grinding against each other with stiff, swinging jaws. you hadnât even heard what it was that had been said over the music, its volume still just as loud and disorienting as it had been when you first arrived.
but joost had heard every word, somehow, despite the sound of his own song polluting the room. it made him freeze on the spot, pulling you to a stop right along with him as he slowly turned to face the group of guys that were standing just in front of the front door. you felt your throat start to close at the sight of him amongst them, standing front and centre with a sick grin plastered across his face, his eyes darting between you and joost.
âwhat did you just say?â
it might have been the gruff, nauseating voice that you recognised, or maybe it was those ring-heavy hands of his that you could still feel pressed into your skin. you didnât know, and it didnât matter, because you knew it was him.
âi said good luck with that one, dude. she doesnât go down easy; kept trying to fight me the whole time.â his stare then fell from joost onto you, his tongue gliding over his bottom lip as he looked you up and down. âbut we still had our fun though, didnât we schat?â
the crack of joostâs knuckles colliding with his jaw was something you heard before you saw it; the thud of him hitting the ground following soon after. a chorus of screams and cheers rang painfully in your ears as you watched a small circle quickly form around you. anyone that could still see straight had either ran from the fight or pushed forward to get a better view of it, their phones held high and already recording.
âbet that made you feel like a man, huh? forcing yourself on a girl half your size. you piece of fucking shit, i should fucking kill you!â
in all the years youâd known him, you had never seen joost like that before; his voice low and angry as his shouts drowned out the music. he hadnât waited for him to get back up before throwing another punch, the sharp crunch of his noise breaking making you wince and your eyes water.
you went to step forward, your hands already reaching out to grab joostâs arm when one of his friends pounced. a shriek was ripped out from you when a fist struck joost right across the cheek, knocking him into you hard enough to almost send you both tumbling to the floor. any chance for you to try and intervene again vanished when you were pushed back before you could get close enough, joost quickly shoving you behind him as he swung for the other guy.
a strong pair of arms wrapped your middle and pulled you further back as you cried for them all to stop, keeping you locked against their chest no matter how hard you thrashed. distance was put between you and the fight when you were picked up and half-dragged out the door, joostâs blond hair disappearing from sight amongst the growing crowd around him.
the bitter air of the early morning stole your breath, your chest tight and aching as the cold consumed you. small flakes of snow drifted down from the paleing sky, dusting each rooftop and the old, cracked pavements in a thin layer of white. still, there were a handful of people gathered on the houseâs front stairs, clad in various leather and latex, that only stood and watched as you were hauled away from the party.
âget the fuck off me! weâve gotta go back, we canât just leave him! stuntje, please!â
your feet only met the floor again once you were next to stuntâs car, safely across the street. even from there, you could hear the childish chanting of âfight! fight! fight!â and the occasional glass break from inside.
âmartijn -â
â- stay here; iâm gonna go get him.â
you werenât allowed to argue, so you just did what you were told. for four minutes you sat waiting in the back of the car with the heaters on full blast and still shivering as you nestled yourself deeper into joostâs jacket. after another minute you saw them heading back your way, their pace fast as they slipped past the last few people that loitered on the steps. in the glow of the streetlights you could just about make out the soft shade of purple that was joostâs eye, and the deep scowl that contorted stuntjeâs face.
neither of them spoke as they joined you in the car but for joost, you never really gave him the chance to. his seatbelt hadnât even clicked into place yet before you were turning away from him, desperate to pretend that he wasnât there burning holes into the side of your head. if joost knew that you could see him staring from the corner of your eye, he didnât care. if anything, he probably wouldâve hoped that it might have made you look back at him, because then that at least wouldâve been something.
but seeing joost storm out of that house with a violet eye and raw knuckles, having just risked everything for you without a second thought, it scared you more than you wanted to admit. he was only supposed to come find you, and bring you back home. you never wanted a fight, never wanted joost to wind up with a black eye over you. so no, you couldnât look at him â couldnât even talk to him, either.
except your silent treatment didn't last very long, did it? it couldnât, because joost wasnât going to let you get away with it this time. for as long as he had known you, you always had this habit of internalising what you felt and shutting down. it never mattered what it was you were going through, you just wouldnât talk about it.
this time though, he wasnât going to let you disappear in on yourself again, and he wasnât going to let you shut him out, either.
as soon as the car came to a stop, joost was up and already outside your car door. with a sweet smile, gentle hands were pulling you up and slowly helping you onto your feet before you had the chance to protest. there was a part of you that wanted to, now too proud to admit that you still needed his help. already, he had done more than enough, even too much, for you.
still, you didnât dare to fight it â or him, rather. besides a small goodbye to stuntje, no words were spoken as he slipped an arm under your knees and pulled you up to his chest. it was like that, that he carried you up the three flights of stairs of your building, glancing down at you every so often with soft, worried eyes. it was miraculous how he managed to open your front door with you still in his arms, his very own key to your home dangling from the clip on his jeans.
it wasnât long before the soft leather of your sofa was dipping underneath your weight, its cushion beneath you feeling cold against the bruised flesh of your thigh. joost left you for only a second, just to switch on a couple of the lamps you had dotted around and to dig out your old first aid kit from the bathroom.
you still werenât really looking at him, not even as he perched on the edge of your coffee table and carefully took your jaw in his hold. the brush of the alcohol wipes along the small cuts that marked your face stung and made you wince, your nose scrunching up at the pain. a string of quiet apologies followed as joost concentrated on cleaning you up, wiping away each and every smear of blood and smudged makeup.
the longer that you sat there whilst joost devoted all of his time and energy to you, the more teary-eyed you felt yourself becoming again. it felt almostâŠforeign to feel so loved after everything, like you were still somehow worth saving. there was no way that you could possibly deserve it â nothing you couldâve done to deserve having someone adore you so unconditionally without earning it.
and yet here he was, your joost, doing anything and everything to try and help, and you couldnât even fucking look at him.
the only thing you could do was cry. the way you clutched your mouth did little to muffle the sounds of your distress and it drew back his attention after he turned away only to throw out all of the dirty, used wipes. it was the guilt that was doing this to you, the guilt of knowing that you were the reason why joost now had a black eye. that joost had risked his whole career by starting that fight, and you had been the one to punish him for it.
a warm hand squeezed your knee as another tucked fallen strands of hair behind your ear. it took a few tries of quietly calling out your name to finally get you to meet his eyes, but eventually you got there. nothing could have prepared you for just how sick he looked, the bags under his eyes seeming considerably darker than before and a deep frown tugging at the corners of his lips.
âiâm sorry i did this. i never shouldâve gone with him, i know i shouldnât have because i know that i know better but i still went and i shouldâve done something more, i couldâve hit him harder or yelled, and iâm sorry i called you because your eye, that was me, that was my fault and iâm sorry, iâm sorry, i -â
with your face pressed flat against his chest, his sudden embrace almost swallowing you whole, you couldnât find the rest of your slurred, blubbering words. somehow, at some point, joost manoeuvred you both onto the sofa and with his arms around you, kept you curled up against his side. a few fingers moved up the back of your neck to scratch your scalp as others held onto your hip.
it was the only thing he could think to do to shut you up, to calm you down enough to take big, slow breaths, in and out.
he didnât have it in him to let you finish that sentence.
delicate reassurances were mumbled into your hair, quiet âyouâre okayââs and faint âit wasnât your faultââs becoming mantras that helped soothe the pain in your chest. you wanted to believe him and knew that you didnât. you knew that as the deep baritone of his whispers slowly lulled you to sleep, youâd wake up with that pain still very much there.
but joost wasnât going to stop trying anytime soon, noor was he going anywhere. it was one of the few things youâd actually let him do for you, making himself a home on your sofa whenever you would have one of your episodes. heâd sleep there, eat there, work there. sometimes joost would spend entire weeks of his life in your living room just so that he could know for sure you were still alive and breathing.
he was the only thing offering you the slightest bit of comfort. you could feel his fingers running through your hair as you curled up even further into his side, his voice still low in your ear. it was becoming to struggle just to keep your eyes open, but you knew that he wouldnât mind.
you could fall asleep just to wake up with that same ache in your heart still there, but joost would still be there too. for now, that was all you needed.
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Wanted to give a HUGE thank you to the queen herself, the myth, the legend... throwing.in.the.towel/ mstowel!!!
In May, I learned that a musical based on The Outsiders had opened on Broadway. Seeing as it has been my favorite book for 13+ years and musicals are one of my favorite things in the world, I thought I would be excited, but I was reluctant to get into it/ learn more about it. I didn't see how they could pull off a musical adaptation that did this beautiful story justice. But I looked at the social media and listened to the songs that had been released and was quickly very invested. Still, I had so many questions about the show and there wasn't a lot of information out there. That brought me to this lovely gal here! She answered my MANY questions about the show in great detail and had fantastic insight into the characters (like me, became the biggest Darry/ Brent Comer supporter due to the new life breathed into the character and sharing my feelings about him becoming such a sympathetic/ likeable character as perspectives change with age) and all aspects of the show. Thanks to this, I became a fan, then, per usual, rapidly descended into hyperfixation and found the script/ started collecting audios. I credit her with resparking my love for this story/ fandom and prompting me to begin writing stories again- including revisiting and beginning to rewrite my popular fanfiction story that I abandoned unfinished 12 years ago!
She shared many audios with me and continued to answer my questions. It was a pleasure to watch her blog grow from the beginning and am incredibly grateful for the space she created- a fun, drama-free environment for people to respectfully share opinions and information about the show. She promoted proper stage door etiquette and how to respect Broadway performer's private lives/ boundaries while still being a supportive fan, as well as the importance of showing support for understudies/ swings. I have not seen one negative comment/ interaction from her and she has been extremely dedicated to devoting lots of time to share her knowledge with us.
mstowel, I'm sorry that some negative interactions contributed to closing the blog, but 100% support and respect your decision! Also would like everyone to note that this was not the sole reason- she understandably was devoting a lot of time to this blog and it was starting to feel like a chore/ not enjoyable, so please to not guilt/ pressure her into feeling like she is letting us down/ owes us anything- it's so important to prioritize yourself and I want her to be able to enjoy the shows with no strings attached. Thank you for everything and best of luck in all your endeavors!!! <3
do not know if this will reach anyone, but i hope it does! made this solely to provide info/closure for yall --- hopefully u can put two and two together as to who i am based on my handle here :p
the decision to delete the blog was made on my own. i did not get in trouble, i was not asked to delete it, i decided to myself. i am sorry for those who were upset to lose all that information, i feel bad enough as it is doing that. the negative energy and empty threats were just not what i wanted to deal with and it made the last few days stressful & not fun on here for me lol. i am glad that i was able to provide a place for you guys to go to for information about the show and what not. i had the best time running it and making connections with some of u :')
i ultimately decided that i want to be able to go to the show with 0 stress/pressure/etc. of this blog and it was almost beginning to feel like a job in a way. i created this community because i didn't have anyone to share the show with,,,and now i am lucky enough to have people in my life that i can share it with! enjoying my time and seeing the show with friends is something i have to prioritize over running the blog. the support u all gave me was unreal and something that will forever mean the world to me. seriously thank u guys and remember to just be kind to one another!! i am doing ok and i hope u all are as well! <3
(just for old times sake,,covers tonight were dan darry & victor paul)
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hii for the prompt game thing: how about 5, 5, and 55 or 60 with Yoongi! I just love how you write Yoongi, but it's up to you if you want to change the member!
I hope this is what you were looking for! Iâm so sorry if it isnât.
< Beauty and the Frog >
CEO Yoongi x Female Reader
Warnings: Swearing, cheating, very slightly suggestive, Yoongi is pretty mean in this one
CEO, Unrequited love
#55 âThatâs not very nice.â
#60 âI fail to see how that is my problem.â
*******************************************************
You had known Yoongi since you were in elementary school. You had seen him around the building but the first time you really interacted with him was when you were partnered up together in your 8th grade biology class. You refused to dissect a frog and even after the teacher threatened you with an F and a trip to the principalâs office you stood your ground. Yoongi admired that and followed suit earning you both after school detentions. It brought you guys together and you were best friends from that moment on.
Freshman year was intense. Lots of changes and new stressful situations but you had Yoongi by your side so it made everything a little easier.
Tenth grade was better. You had gotten the hang of things and were able to navigate life. You and Yoongi were still best friends and stuck mostly to yourselves. Many rumors went around the school about you two but you always ignored them.
You were in the eleventh grade when you realized your crush on Yoongi. You hadnât seen him for much of the summer because he went to stay with his grandparents in the countryside. When he walked into the school on the first day your mouth dropped open. He had grown a few inches taller. Most of the baby fat in his face had disappeared leaving him with a chiseled jawline. He had let his hair grow out and he seemed to have bought some new clothes with the money he had earned at his part time job. The first thing he did was walk towards you and wrap you in a hug giving you the first feeling of how much more muscular he had become while working on his grandparents farm. When he said your name his voice was considerably deeper than you remembered. You locked away your secret crush for the whole year not wanting to ruin anything between you two. The thought of loosing him forget was too much to handle.
Senior year of high school was flying by. Yoongi was captain of the basketball team. You took a position as the teams water girl after he begged you too just so guys could get to spend a little more time together. You had decided that after the final game of the season you were going to ask him to Prom. Your nerves were out of control as you waited for Yoongi to come out of the locker room but minutes and minutes went by. Every other member of the team had already left leaving you wondering what was going on. As you exited the school there were mumblings and whispers about two people hooking up in the parking lot. You felt a knot in your stomach as you walked outside only to see exactly what you had feared. Yoongi exiting the backseat of his car with his zipper down and his belt still undone and the head cheerleader following behind while still pulling her skirt back down. When Yoongi came walking over to you asking if you were ready to hit up your usual after game pizza place you declined telling him you werenât feeling well. He offered to take you home and hang out there but you shook your head accepting a ride from Hoseok instead much to Yoongiâs disappointment. Yoongi went to prom with the cheerleader while you skipped it all together deciding to never let him know about your crush.
College was much of the same only you didnât feel a soul crushing sense of sadness whenever Yoongi would bring a random woman back to your shared apartment. You had learned to accept it for what it was. The ones he actually dated hurt a little more than the one night stands but you got through it, even having a few romantic adventures of your own.
Graduation came and went and Yoongi started his own record label with some money he and received as an inheritance. You were so incredibly proud of him and excited to see him succeed as the CEO and Owner of his own business.
It took a few years but DTown Records slowly became one of the hottest companies in music while producing nearly every hit on the radio.
When things got too crazy Yoongi offered you a job. He wanted you to become be his Chief Operating Officer. At first you declined saying you didnât know much about the music industry but Yoongi knew you had a degree in business and he trusted you. So eventually you gave in and became his partner.
It was a lot like the old times. The two of you spent countless hours together all the while your old crush was blossoming more and now to the point you started feeling like you loved him.
Then Yoongi introduced you to Mia, an up and coming artist he had met at some big industry event he had gone too. Immediately you didnât like her. It wasnât all jealousy. She just gave you bad vibes. She was a little too quick to use Yoongiâs credit card any time she wanted to purchase something. She was constantly flirting with other men when he wasnât around. And she definitely did not like you. She had one too many glasses of wine or coffee âaccidentallyâ spilled on you by her way more times than could happen accidentally. She was always conveniently having emergencies any time you and Yoongi tried hanging out. You also heard from Jin, Yoongiâs assistant, that one morning she was giving Yoongi reason after reason to fire you.
You tried to talk to Yoongi but he was having no part of it even going as far as you call you jealous and told you to grow up. A little crack formed in your relationship for a while until he announced his engagement to Mia. He looked so happy and so in love that you put on your best act and pretended to be happy for him even though you were devastated.
The night before the wedding you were laying in bed trying to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself to watch the love of your life marry someone else when there was a knock at your door.
Since it was 3am you were nervous to answer it until you heard Yoongi on the other side. He greeted you with red eyes and sniffles before he broke down in your arms and sobbed.
Through his distress you learned that Mia was in her suite at the hotel so that they wouldnât see each other the night before the wedding. He had snuck over to her with flowers and a song heâd written wanting to be romantic and surprise her. Only he was the one that was surprised when he found her naked riding some wannabe rapper as she moaned his name loudly into the air. The wedding was called off and Yoongi was devastated. You did your best to comfort him while forcing yourself not tell him you told him so.
Yoongi took a few weeks off to recover so you were in charge and things went smoothly. You were excited for his return only to be horrified at what you were met with.
The once happy and full of motivation Yoongi was replaced with the shell of man who was spiteful and outright mean. His heart melting gummy smile was replaced with a nonstop scowl. He fired people left and right and talked down to his employees. He wasnât the Yoongi youâd known all these years. His broken heart had changed him to an unrecognizable person. But you still knew deep down that the Yoongi you knew was in there so you stuck around.
Bit by bit you snipped away at the barbed wire that surround him. His favorite coffee, lunch from his favorite Thai Restaurant. Tickets to see his favorite basketball team. Your secret fresh baked cookies that he had always loved.
One morning he came into work to find a brown stuffed poodle that looked exactly like the dog he had when he was in middle school. You saw the faintest hint of a smile at that one and you thought maybe you had finally got to him but then he took the toy and stuffed into the bottom drawer of his desk to be forgotten and started barking out orders to people in the office.
Then one morning Yoongi called you into his office, something he didnât do much of any more.
âY/N, Iâm moving the headquarters for the label to LA.â, he said after you took a seat.
âWh-What? You canât do that.â
He scoffed, âItâs my company. I can and I am. I need to get out of this city and start new. I canât stay here any more.â
âWhat about the employees here? What about me?â, you questioned.
âWeâll keep a small team here the rest weâll have to let go and as for youâŠI want you to move to LA with me.â
Your mouth dropped open, âYoongi thatâs the other side of the world. I have family and friends here. My whole life is here. I canât just pack up and move.â
âI understand Y/N. I canât force you to go but I really want you to. I need you to come with me.â, he said barely above a whisper.
So you agreed. And within a couple weeks you were packed up and goodbyes were said and you were moved to Los Angeles. It was a difficult decision but you would do anything that Yoongi needed and/or wanted.
The company was doing incredibly well while making record profits. Things were also going great between you and Yoongi. You were closer than you had been in a while. Your feelings began blossoming fuller and fuller as time went on now that things didnât seem so tense.
One afternoon you walked into Yoongiâs office. He was on the phone with someone so you took a seat to politely wait.
âMmhm Iâll be there.
I know I know itâs been a while.
Yeah my flight leaves at noon.
I know babe Iâm excited.â
You rolled your eyes hearing him use the pet name. He smiled when he noticed your reaction before quickly hanging up the phone.
âGoing on a trip?â, you asked.
He looked nervous as he fidgeted with a pen, âActually Y/N, that is something I wanted to talk to you about.â
You nodded letting him know you were listening.
He took a deep breath, âIâm moving back to Seoul.â
âWhat?!â, your mouth dropped open.â
He nodded, âIâve been talking to someone, her name is Mae. We met at the Valentino show a couple months ago. Sheâs a model based out of Seoul so Iâm going to move back there.â
You shook your head, âYoongi IâŠyou canât move back. I gave up everything. I moved all the way to the other side of the world to follow you.â
He scoffed, âI didnât force you to move here. You came here on your own Y/N. Just move back with me.â
âYoongi I canât just keep moving around the world whenever you have a new fuck buddy.â
He looked offended, âMae is not a fuck buddy. I love her.â
You could feel tears begin to form, âYou donât love her Yoongi. You love that she puts out whenever you demand it. If she loved you she would come to you, not the other way around. Like I do. Iâm always here for you. I do everything for you. I love you Yoongi.â
He stared at you for what felt like forever. Finally he slammed his laptop down, âI fail to see how that is my problem.â
His coldness shocked you. He had never spoken directly to you in that way. âThatâs not very nice.â, you whispered through sniffles.
Yoongi softened at the sight of you realizing just how harsh he had been. He took a deep breath, âIâm sorry Y/N. Iâm sorry for speaking to you that way. Iâm also sorry that I donât feel the same way about you.â, he packed up his things and headed towards the door, âIâm leaving for Seoul tomorrow. You can stay here and run this sector of the company or come back to Seoul. Itâs up to you. I donât really care.â
He walked through the door letting it close behind him.
He moved back to Seoul as he had said. Him and Mae got engaged three months later. They were married the following year and divorced by the next one.
You remained in your position as the COO through all of it, mostly because of the pay and travel perks, because your relationship with Yoongi had become strictly business after you confessed. You stayed in Seoul to run that location while he moved back to LA. It hurt for a while and it took a lot for you to move on from him.
But eventually you did.
And when Jungkook got down on one knee and proposed the first person you called was Yoongi. He didnât answer. He never responded to the text either. He didnât come to your engagement party. He declined the wedding invite. All you got was a generic card in the mail that you could tell had been filled out by Jin. Eventually you gave up and decided to put in your resignation because you and Jungkook were moving to New York. He didnât contact you even then.
It wasnât until almost three years later that you heard from him again. There was a package that arrived for you.
A card read, âCongratulations on the birth of your daughter. I wish you all nothing but happiness... Iâm sorry I couldnât be the one.- Min Yoongi.â
In the box was a stuffed animal. A wide smile formed on your face as you took the bright green frog with a pink bow on its head and placed it in the crib next to your sleeping daughter before joining Jungkook in the kitchen to finish up dinner.
#bts#yoongi x reader#yoongi fanfic#min yoongi#bts fanfic#bts x reader#yoongi x y/n#yoongi angst#bts yoongi#yoongi fic#yoongi au#ceo yoongi
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iroh was across the threshold of the room in a flash, dragging him into a tight embrace. in any other situation, zuko probably would have complained about the lack of air, but instead he just buried his head into the crook of his uncle's neck.
"uncle," he says, "-i'm so sorry."
"i am the one who should apologize, zuko," iroh says, "-for not being able to protect you."
for a long time, they don't say anything. zuko is keenly aware that they're being watched by the avatar and his friends. seeing uncle again feels a lot like coming home, even though zuko's... unsure where home is now. he'd gotten so used to living in ba sing se.
he can't stay here, though.
everyone in this city knows his face- and knows that face belongs to lee. but zuko isn't lee anymore. he can't pretend to be him. he'd made this choice as lee, knowing that he'd have to give up the life he'd built for himself here. now that he was zuko again, he didn't think he could stomach putting on earth kingdom green and living a life of serving tea.
uncle finally pulls away from him, patting his shoulders. he tells him that he is going to make the tea this time, and that's final. zuko laughs, and lets him. it's weird. he kind of thought he would hate tea after... everything, but it's become a comfort to him. maybe it's just a trace of lee that he's never going to get rid of.
aang and his friends wisely choose to excuse themselves, to give them a bit of privacy. iroh watches them go, and tells zuko that he's proud of him for putting that past of his behind him. zuko just huffs. he congratulates his uncle on becoming fire lord.
they sit and drink tea together. iroh catches zuko up to speed on what has happened in the fire nation in his absence. zuko... hesitantly tells him a few things about his life as lee, since it's all he really has to talk about. uncle leans over the table with a leering grin when he makes the terrible mistake of bringing up jin, asking what his plans are.
"...i have no idea," zuko admits, "-i think i might actually need to see her again first. i don't know if i even still like her. i don't know if she'll even still like me."
uncle tells him that he can take as much time as he likes. he must still have lingering attachments to this city. there is no judgment in his tone. and... he's right. zuko doesn't think he'll ever be able to bring himself to put on earth kingdom green again, but he's grown fond of ba sing se. it's weird. he feels like he should hate it.
it had been his prison.
he just hadn't known it.
the next day, zuko decides to bite the bullet and go see ba sing se with his own eyes. he'd seen it before- but his time as lee had changed him. he stays in fire nation red, but he ties a wound cover around his scar to hide what it actually looks like. he can't see lee in the mirror anymore, but he knows other people likely will.
besides. it's not like he can see out of the damn eye anyways.
walking the familiar streets of the middle ring as himself is a strange experience. he knows so many of these people. for some of them he can even rattle off their usual order. some of them were even his friends. they give him an odd look as he passes, but zuko pointedly does not look at them. if he pretends he doesn't know them, it'll probably be fine.
"lee?"
two years of responding to that name has zuko turning his head before he can stop himself. thankfully, the person who called out to him is just jin.
...oh. it's jin.
...well. fuck. guess he's making this decision now.
#lee from the tea shop#zuko: now that i'm myself again there's something very important that i need to do. something lee held in all this time.#(zuko promptly lets out a loud string of expletives)#zuko: oh thank fuck. that feels so much better.
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So. Veilguard impressions so far (Iâm about 13.5 hours in). Most of these are mechanical as I donât feel like Iâve gotten enough time with the companions/story to have many opinions on it, but I feel like I at least have some opinions worth noting lmao (mostly no spoilers but like. Maybe a little so read at your own discretion)
Things I like:
Iâm honestly still shocked my computer can actually run it and overall very well too
Character creator is super detailed, I love that
I keep falling off of ledges lmfao so Iâm glad thereâs no penalty for that
You can pet all the cats and dogs!!!!!
Also love that thereâs no carry weight to contend with but I still get to pick up a ton of random items. It satisfies by urge to pick up anything that isnât nailed down. This is great, especially after bg3 sksks (which I also enjoy as a game but pls why does gold have weight đ)
So far I like the new companions a lot and I do enjoy these early game little almost⊠domestic? Or just small scale? Quests you have with them? Idk I dig it. I wasnât sure about the âbondâ thing at first but on further reflection I like that you can gain approval-equivalent just by bringing them along. Makes things easier
I donât dislike the vibes tbh like Iâve seen people say âoh itâs too happy and positiveâ and like. Okay yeah 2 of the 3 companions you recruit early on are very bubbly but we also got blight horror all over the place so idk, maybe this is a complaint Iâll understand later but right now I donât agree with it
Oh and I love the lantern system for when companions have dialogue - itâs a clever way of signifying when theyâre all in different buildings
Things I donât like:
I kinda get what people are saying about the handholding. Why do I need a little tip to tell me ïżœïżœïżœ[companion] has noted that you told them [thing you just said]â đ
Also while the new companions are fun, I do think Harding got hit pretty hard with âprevious game lore dumpâ duty cause damn. Admittedly I donât remember her personality in inquisition super well but a lot of her dialogue just feels. Off in that way. I get it was necessary to do it somehow but. Oof. I feel bad for her cause it makes me less interested in her đ
This is minor but I donât like how when you load a save, itâs not actually where you saved. Itâs at the last fast travel point. So itâs like. I found this hard-to-find spot last night. Saved. Planned to continue the quest the next day. Except! I have to find the spot again! And I forgot where it was! Why!!! This is absolutely a remnant of when it was a live service game but woof, why keep that in
Also bringing back the 100 save limit - actual worst feature of inquisition, why the hell would they keep it đ if anyone knows a mod to fix this, pls let me know, I need to have like 800 saves per run or Iâll die okay
And this is the big one tbh. Iâm sorry but I really donât like the combat đ¶ like. Every boss fight is just the arishok fight except with help. Getting Lucanis has given some improvement cause now thereâs at least another melee target on the field but at this point, Iâm looking for a stealth option on that giant skill tree (why is it so big! I have no idea what Iâm doing with it!!!) so I can go full skyrim (stealth archer) lmao. Iâm hoping when I actually get to recruit a warrior (why is this the last class you get, that feels backwards), itâll get more playable cause Iâll actually have a tank. Right now I just cannot understand why everyone says this is fun, I have had pretty much no fun in any of the fights (Iâm becoming the person I was poking fun at before when I said itâs weird to play games if you donât like half of it skskdk. Also ngl I would not be powering through if this were not a game I already had a vested interest in). Also how did anyone play a mage and make it through the first 10 hours, like I have NO idea. Iâm very glad I didnât, itâs hard enough with a rogue
Neutral observations/thoughts:
Iâve decided to play rook as like. A discount version of hawke? Cause I feel like thatâs the kind of person varric would seek out, like a spark of the familiar is what drew Varric to them. And thatâs adding a bit of fun headcanon flavour
(Also I have some suspicions that things are not as they seem with Varric but. Weâll see on that I suppose)
Also itâs funny cause Iâve always been a Solas neutral person (like him well enough but never understood why he was such a big deal to either the lovers or the haters). But I do find him more annoying here lmao. Maybe cause Iâm rping too hard and Rook finds him annoying but I just think itâs funny
Also genuinely could not imagine this being someoneâs first DA game sksks they are going to have no idea whatâs going on lore-wise
#these are just my thoughts#obviously everyoneâs going to havw different opinions#the combat though⊠idk Iâm beginning to wonder if Iâm doing something wrong cause#I really really do not like it Iâm sorry đ¶#but hopefully the companions and story can make up for it#I hope rook gets hit with the Agonies at some point lmao protagonists going through hell is the best part#really excited for that#text#shut up nerd#dragon age#veilguard#veilguard spoilers
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Hiii I loved it duff platonic but would you do one that romantic??
Summary: The Outsiders with a "Duff"!Reader (romantic)
Warnings: mentions of bullying
Author's Note: I believe that I have never met anyone that was actually ugly, everyone is beautiful, because beauty is subjective.
PONYBOY was more of a personality man than looks one. He knows you aren't 'conventionally' attractive, but you have these quirks that made him swoon, and your joyful smile was enough to have him tripping over his feet. He loves how your personality is so enchanting, and it reminds everyone that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. He never has to stick up for you because people are usually so charmed by you that Ponyboy stays out of it. He's so happy with you. He finally found someone who could read, take walks with him, and be domestic with.
JOHNNY seriously thinks that you're a gorgeous girl. He's always there to cheer you up when you're feeling insecure or even when you're not. He holds you as if you were a pretty piece of fine China and makes you feel so special. There's not an outfit you feel ugly in when you're around him! You two are such a power couple too because his love language is words of affirmation, and you blush every time he compliments you, and everyone thinks it's so cute.
SODAPOP doesn't think he's seen a prettier girl than you. He actually brings you in every once and a while to the DX because you attract customers. They love chatting with you, and you exude such a lovely aura. He does have to teeter on the edge of physical confrontation to the drunk guys that come around the shop to piss you off, but they get scared off easy. He loved you a lot, and he realized how little beauty means in the end. Sandy was pretty but terrible to him, but you made your beauty known through so many different ways that he was utterly entranced.
STEVE couldn't believe he bagged you. So what if you didn't "fit" into the norm? He thought you did. He looked at you as if you were a direct descendent of Aphrodite. He keeps pictures of you everywhere and shows them off to everyone. He gets aggressive with people who try and make fun of you, and he usually wins if they pursue a fight. His family loves you and can't wait until you're a permanent fixture to their holiday dinners.
TWO BIT also thinks of himself as a duff. He thinks you are genuinely a very pretty girl, and he feels sorry for every man who's missing out on your charming personality. His sister loves you, and treats you as if you were already her sister. Abd he talks about you any chance he gets, gushing over your amazing personality and cuteness.
DARRY doesn't give two shits about what others think about you and about how you look. He still wants his kids to look like you, and he's literally counting town the days he can propose to you. He doesn't get physical over you, but protective. He prefers his hand on the small of you back or your waist at all time.
DALLAS tries to act like he's doesn't like you a lot but he does. He doesn't ever ask you out or anything near it for the first year and a half of knowing each other. Then he would take you places and count it as a date unbeknownst to you. Hes worried how you two would affect each other. But he's waiting for the perfect time to ask you out.
#shroomsroom#clara'sroom#the outsiders x reader#dallas winston x reader#dally winston x reader#steve randle x reader#johnny cade x reader#sodapop curtis x reader#darrel curtis x reader#darry curtis x reader#ponyboy x reader#ponyboy curtis x reader#pony curtis x reader#two bit matthews x reader#two bit x reader#two bit mathews x reader#soda curtis x reader#sodapop x reader
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Sorry if this is controversial but I was wondering if you also thought Josh's speech was kind of messed up? I don't remember the world Pre-Glee but I thought Buck was right using someone and then throwing them away is cruel and horrible. People are saying it was about comphet but Buck's words implied he knew he was gay and did it anyways. I don't think a lesbian woman would be "applauded" for doing that to a man?
Well, I think it's a very complex issue Nonny.
A lot of gay men and lesbian women have settled down and married someone of the opposite sex because that was what was expected of them.
Take Michael and Athena. Michael always knew he was gay, but still chose to marry Athena. He tried to make it work and convince himself that Athena and the kids was enough for him to be happy. But he was only lying to himself. He would never be fully happy with a woman.
Of course there are a lot of factors that weigh in here: time period, upbringing, religious indoctrination...
I never made it a secret that I don't like Tommy, but I certainly don't blame him for 'trying' to be with a woman to 'fit' in in society. We know that the place he worked at at the time was not very welcoming towards anyone that didn't fit the 'norm'.
And yes, he was part of that problem himself with the continuing racist and sexist remarks and actions. I'm aware. There is absolutely no excuse for his behaviour.
But that doesn't take away that he was a gay man trapped in a life he didn't really want. So I find it very difficult to 'judge' anyone for trying to 'fit in', because it's such an essential part of being human. We all want to fit in.
Next to that there were and still are (to this day) real life repurcussions if people found out your sexuality. Your family could disown you, your friends could stop talking to you, your job could become more difficult, you would have to be more alert of hate crimes...
So yes, I agree he was wrong for stringing Abby along in a two-year relationship, but he wasn't only unfair towards her. He was also unfair towards himself.
Buck saying it was cruel comes from a place of 'innocence' and 'naivety'. He means well, but he didn't think it through. Which is a very Buck thing to do.
So in comes Josh. He is older than Buck and has more experience in life and relationships. As a gay man he has probably seen it all in his personal life. He knows how some gay man try to 'make it work' with a woman.
It was a good idea to have Josh talk to Buck, but the speech he gave was just NOT IT AT ALL! The whole pre-Glee and post-Glee is just a dumb analogy.
Josh should have talked about his real life experience and how some people try to cope for different many reasons. He should have told him that these people often have a lot of inner hate because they know that they are lying to their partners and feel awful about it, but they are stuck and can't get out.
And that doesn't make it right and these women definitely have a right to be very angry and upset for being lied to, or in Abby's case she had a right to be angry to be dumped, because he didn't even tell her he was gay.
But we need to remember that this isn't just a black and white issue. There are a lot of grey areas here.
#nonnies galore#TK meta#the previous tag is a first for me đ#but for real though#this is such a complex issue#there is no right or wrong here#personal opinion shenanigans
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OH BOY DO I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ON THIS! Sorry there is a lot here lmao oops
First off, on teenager jobs:
From my reading of the game, it's implied that a lot of the launching population was in their teens, and one of the things Flulu mentions about applying was that a lot of teens didn't want to sign up as bonded pair/trio/ect, which is extremely reasonable - But if you think about it more, this implies that teenagers were applying to the Strato as a bonded pair/trio/ect, something that the founders were actively seeking out.
Think about what a huge and insane commitment that is to ask from somebody not old enough to drink; To go on a one way trip with their middle/high school sweetheart(s), with no way to turn back and few options if the relationship doesn't work out - All possibly with the added promise that they'll one day have kids as part of their bid to even get on the ship! It stands to reason that if they'll treat teenage relationships with the same gravitas as a marriage contract, it'd make sense for them to want the same level of career dedication from their possible future exocolonists.
Another thing in favor of this is the way that adults (but Flulu specifically) treat Sol growing up. On Sol's twelth birthday we get the scene where their parents ask them what they want to be when they grow up, something that out of context sounds very normal and is covered in placating statements about how they didn't know they wanted to be Cultivators at that age... But at the same point, it's made to sound like they really do expect Sol to have a concrete idea of who they want to be as an adult soon and to stick to it. Which, from a gameplay perspective, yeah that makes sense! There's only ten years of game to play, you only have so long to work on skills/relationships/events, you should pick what you're going for sooner rather than later if you want a specific ending! Sol's choices in their teenage years completely dominate the rest of their life, no if-ands-or-buts about that. Even so, on the other hand, the in-universe perspective of it is a little....
Yeah.
There's also a lot I could say about the fact that Flulu, who was apparently wanted enough back on Earth that the space cops they sent after the Strato recognized her face after 25 years MIA, still had to apply to get on the ship and over emphasize her relationship with Geranium to do it - Or how Instance, just as infamous, but still had to be good at a dozen different things just to get on the ship as a woman who did not want to raise children - but that would take over it's own post.
As far as job changes post-landing go, the game does mention a few times that peoples job did change, like Tonin going from Spaceship Navigator to Chief Surveyor (another slightly insane set of skills if you think about it). While the concept of other creche parents is mentioned in passing, we never directly see any other adults helping Anne and Tammy in the creche, but the game does directly mention that there are other adults and teens working in the kitchens and Sol and Tammy aren't being left alone there.
I actually have a pretty long term WIP fic that focuses on the adult perspective of the colony during a lifetime where Sol doesn't have any of the magic answers, with Anne and the quarters being the most common POV for the story. Maybe one day I'll actually gain the ability to write again and actually work on it.
(Mandetory disclaimer that I find major issues with Anne but I don't think her failures are malicious or intentional, just a lot of terrrible, terrible choices.)
Anyway so do you guys think the Strato colony teenagers who left Earth were generally already assigned their job (like Besk the colony psychologist at the tender age of 16) or do you think some of their jobs were figured out on the way? Like, I imagine there would have been at least some kids who were 13 or younger (Utopia was youngest being a toddler but she is implied to be the only one in her age cohort in both directions).
Either way I personally headcanon that they had to do some work reshuffling after landing on Vertumna, what with the catastrophic levels of food insecurity. If every person who could be spared was shuffled into working in Geoponics, it would also explain why Anne was running kinda ragged â I mean, having the same person as the main person in charge of both kitchens and the creche is pretty insane the more you think about it.
#iwatex#i was a teenage exocolonist#sorry for taking over your post#I swear this is me trying to keep my rant as short as possible#but also if anyone wants to see more of my insanity you should join the LQ server and behold my hot mess of a headcanon thread
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the audience for this post is like, the two people who have already seen it on discord, but nonetheless, i want to share.
my mc's name is winter. she's pretty straight-laced, logical, generally rule-abiding but will get into trouble if she finds herself lacking a challenge or something to keep her hands busy. on my obey me writing blog (cuz i have a twst one now too!) i have plans to write for her as an mc and ship her with solomon. but i ALSO have plans to write a winter x mc au and. i've been having some really good thoughts on that.
for starters, the general premise is that the exchange program accepted three being from each realm (which makes room for the angel oc i have brewing... đ) and she's one of human exchange students. she's a self-taught sorcerer that's very much stuck at a beginner level, in part due to the fact that she had no idea all of this magical realm stuff existed before coming to the devildom. she applied for the exchange program in hopes to get more credits for her phd. obviously, she was not prepared for this situation, but she adapts pretty quickly and does well at RAD.
since it's a winter x reader au, winter lives at purgatory hall with the other exchange students. their dynamic is so wonderful to me-- in the house of misfits, she fits right in. she's an amateur writer, so she loves chatting with simeon over tea about novel ideas and eventually becomes a pretty faithful TSL fan. she's an exasperated solomon wrangler who dodges his cooking at every turn and is too prideful to ask the best sorcerer the human world has to offer for help with her magical studies. she's not all that fond of children, yet she finds herself protective of luke, letting down her guard to bake with him in the afternoons for all of their new friends. even raphael, someone she struggles to interact with (bc they're both oh-so-awkward) earbs her respect and affection over time as they're roped into shenanigans by their roommates. they make the dorm a home together.
but you? oh, how she's hopelessly in love with you.
in the chaos of the devildom, somehow her eyes are always drawn to you. she's not all that interested in making friends when she first arrives, dedicating all her energy to settling herself in the realm. but there's always things drawing you to each other. classwork, exchange program responsibilities, your growing camradarie with her roommates at purgaory hall. it's inevitable that you guys become friendly. she's awkward and always a bit stressed or nervous, but she's friendly enough in your interactions early on that you swap numbers about halfway through the year. groupwork turns into occasional text conversations, and eventually you're close enough to gravitate towards each other for a simple conversation at parties. by the time the exchange program ends, you're making promises to make time for each other in the human realm.
life happens. you guys keep up a friendship through texts and video calls. winter finds herself longing for an excuse to be intertwined in your life again. RAD was a rigorous school, but she'd do it all again to have an excuse to be dragged into late night study sessions with you. watching your life change from a small screen fills her with a strange sense of emptiness. when the call ends, do you still think about her?
your return to the devildom is revealed to her through a cheeky text from solomon. she's so incredibly *annoyed.* of course he'd use magic to steal you away and whisk you back to the devildom without her. oh, and simeon and luke are returning, too? lovely. the whole gang's meeting up eithout her. envious? never, she wouldn't stoop so--
she's jealous. obviously. there's some back and forth where he teases her (and makes her ask *politely* for his assistance) until he steps away for a moment to bribg her back to the devildom. finally, you're reunited!
it's in this stretch of time that she falls in love with you. oh, winter barnett, someone who adamantly denies herself pleasure in many forms, finds herself sickeningly subdued as she falls for you. once the realization hits her, it's like a poison has flooded her veins, leaving her in a stupor. she expected herself to be more resistant to the idea, but honestly... who is she to resist your charms? she knows you. she watched all seven of the demon brothers fall for you over the course of a year. it only feels natural to be drawn to you in the same way. you... so determined, so strong, resilent in the face of overwhelming chaos and somehow still standing at the end of it.
winter's a human. she's got a small farm in vermont and very mediocre magic to her name. she's not a famous demon, nor and angel, nor a powerful immortal. on some level, she knows she's not enough for you. maybe that's why she's content to keep her mouth shut for awhile.
maybe it's enough to sit quietly by your side, admiring your when you're not looking. maybe it's best to bide her time and hope that she can catch your eye one day. until then, she's content with the little things-- your smile, your texts, your laugh, the way you look at her from across the classroom and the way she's completely smitten against all odds.
#sorry this is a lot. i have so many thoughts about her#obey me#obey me x reader#obey me oc#obey me oc x reader#obey me oc: winter barnett#daisy talks
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You made her cry, time to die.
[First] Prev <â-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jiang yanli#jin zixuan#wei wuxian#This scene actually takes place many months before the previous scene.#Hence the outfits looking different!#Consider this a flashback within a flashback!#Speaking of outfits - no one noticed/commented on it so I'll give my little continuity nod away:#JZX's bandages on his wrist are from the *last* time he insulted Jiang Yanli.#I considered having WWX maul him like a chew toy again but I think this punchline hits funnier. A kickline. if you will.#And speaking of other outfit nods: This is a meta nod towards JYL's first appearance in this series.#Where I accidently made the flower on her dress look like a penis. Hoping no one would notice.#Then months later...just when I thought I was safe...someone pointed it out and I *wailed*. I AM SO SORRY SHIJIE...#I really to love this scene a lot. We have JYL just trying her best + JZX being a dickhead + WWX being full of rage. Mwah. Delicious.#I especially love how the audio drama comments that Jiang Cheng is on his way over. You *know* he's about to start swinging too.
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scene from the radio drama+Great Soft Jelly-Thing concepts
#ihnmaims#i have no mouth and i must scream#ihnmaims ted#great soft jelly thing#jess scribbles#spoilers//#body horror//#unsanitary//#I WISH I COULD TRANSLATE THAT SCENE INTO MY ART BETTERRRRR I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT IT. ITS LITERALLY ONLY IN THE RADIO DRAMA#teds paranoid ranting followed by him breaking down. apologizing & begging to be held. what else can ellen do but comfort him then#its just the position shes put in. even after he was just insulting her to her face in his deluded headspace moments before#the way he breaks down seems like hes already clinging to her before she gets much of her response in. theyre all just so beaten down#SORRY I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABT IHNMAIMS ESP ABOUT ELLEN IN GENERAL. & teds mental health
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SHARE YOUR HEADCANNONS ABOUT CHRISTINAAAAA đ«¶đ«¶
First, I'm so sorry for the late answer months later đđđ Please forgive me and second!! Actually I hadn't thought of many headcanons for her... yet... but she's one of my favorite characters so ofc I thought of some!! I might say silly ones or ones more about her personal life (and definitely not projecting some parts!) I love Christina Posabule đâ„ïž
Music wise I think Christina would like 60s music, rock, and/or synth-pop or idk genres are hard to actually get right nowadays. If it's specfic, "The Daughters of Eve" and Mitski would be part of her favorites fjjdbrbnd (then I think she'd like The Killers especially "When You Were Young" when she was in her teens :)) Speaking of Christina in her teens, she'd want to learn piano or some sort of instrument but her parents probably got annoyed by how much she played so she wouldn't have as many chances. She's definitely a bookworm or just loves reading and also writes in her freetime like little stories or poems. And when Block ended up staying with Orel's family, she was kind of the only one who missed him as her parents didn't really mind/express their emotions about it.
Andddd talking about her parents, they're both VERY controlling and kept watch on what she'd do, the polar opposite with Orel, which his parents didn't gaf where he was đđ Especially Poppit, and I think with Christina's story it'd be a toxic mother-daughter relationship (mommy issues!) rather than her and her dad, and that Poppit rather likes taking charge but to be in "a woman's place" y'know sexism and even tells Art what to do but makes sure that he does what a "man has to." And she'd be veryyy persistent on Christina with how she presents herself and make sure that she was a nice church girl at all times. And Poppit would very much have breakdowns in front of her and vent to her about her own issues... yeah... And whenever Christina was getting yelled at or being told what to do the only thing she could do is not say anything back to not upset them. She was also grabbed a lot like by her wrists or something similar how they showed in the show. When she moved to Moralton, she was bummed out bc yeah she just moved to a new place where she knows no one. Then when she met Orel something about him intrigued her and she's like Oooh y'know what I like this place already... then BOOM! Having to move again :( Also I don't know if it's just me but she's probably homeschooled or she's just attending another school jfjfnntnf and about her past town she'd be doing so many shenanigans during the same time as Orel probably. Another silly thing she might be more confident than him like I think he'd be more shy when he got older fjjdjnfbfn
Also yes Christina was sadistic I had to say it bc... we remember Orel's masochist era... And same thing with her being emo/goth when Orel was and at least for a while when they were teensđđ It's canon bc I said so
About when she's an adult, once Orel and her got married and had their kids, she'd be really worried about repeating anything her own mother used to do to her (along with Orel who'd try to be the best dad to his kids and would ask Christina if he was doing a good job if he was too worried about becoming anything similar to Clay or just anything otherwise) and I'm not quite sure about if whether she kept contact with her parents but she probably would but obviously has a strained relationship with them along with Orel's parents... But she would give her own family all her love :D also she's definitely working in a type of job I forgot which one but something that helps people bc she's sweet like that <3 so yeah girlboss !!
I might've forgotten some things to mention or other things I had in mind for her but yeah!! Or it was badly/worded weird perdĂłn. Thanks for reading đ
#moral orel#moral orel fanart#christina posabule#my art#sorry if this isn't very accurate in case#I love christina posabule#I also decided to draw her as a teen last minute to combine it#I would write more but it needs more thought bc I focused on Orel way too long đđ#and I personally think Poppit would put a fake personality that she's super nice#but immediately judges everyone right afterward when they're out of earshot#and Christina would have to bear it through#no I don't have parent issues wdym???#also I wrote A LOT about Orel & Christina headcanons but I'm saving that for a separate post#focusing on them bc I love them <3#orel puppington#???#does he count as a doodle#I keep staying up until 4-5 AM someone save me#ask#hola supongo que leiste todas las etiquetas đ#âla niña fresa frâ mis letras no se ven bien#used Marn's brush once again đ#didn't mean for so many tags whoops
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I was thinking about kotlc recently and how the Black Swan originally wanted to wait to bring Sophie into the Lost Cities until way later, probably when she turned 18, and how different of a person Sophie would have been if that were the case.
Like at the start of the series, she's this child prodigy who has to go to community college in the fall at the age of 12 because her parents won't let her go to Yale (a totally valid parental choice btw), and the thing is I think she would have THRIVED in that environment. Like at first she would be scared and hesitant because in all other school environments she has been bullied for being as smart as she is, but now she's going into a school that people choose to go to in order to learn. Community college doesn't just have mean, jealous teenagers who attend, there are people of all ages and all walks of life who are ready to learn. Sure, Sophie would still be the youngest one there, and I doubt it would be super easy with the whole mind reading thing, but she would be in a much more supportive environment when it comes to learning than anything else she's experienced.
She'd be able to make friends with her peers, being able to bond over a shared love of whatever they're studying, and these friends don't think she's too smart or too weird. She maybe finds some way to muffle the voices in her head better than her earplugs did. Yeah, she still gets headaches, but she can manage it. I can see her taking as many classes as she can, figuring out her passions and what she might want to do as a career. She'd be in a fantastic place academically to transfer to any school she wants when she turns 18. I can even see her parents letting her graduate when she's 17 and allowing her to transfer to a four year college to get a bachelor's in whatever she wants to study, whatever she finds her passion for, because she worked hard for this, and doesn't hate school now, and has found a path for herself in life that feels right.
And then the Black Swan shows up and whisks her away from all of that, and she's heartbroken because she doesn't need to be taken away from everything she's worked so hard for. Yeah it feels nice to finally have the whole mind reading question answered, but she doesn't need a new place to belong, she has one. I imagine this Sophie being a lot more confident in herself, but a lot angrier too. She's fascinated by her new world, but desperately wants to go back home, to just live out the life she's been working towards. I can see her working side by side with the Black Swan from the jump, because she's in a world with injustice and she can't just sit back and let this slide, but constantly fighting back this resentment for them and how they took everything from her. I think of how canon Sophie had a brief moment of hesitation when it came to training her Telepathy, and I think this older Sophie would be conflicted between wanting to know more about this abnormality that she's been dealing with her whole life, and wanting to cling to her human identity and her old life as much as she possibly can. Because she's been ripped away from it, and no matter what her genetics say, this Sophie still views herself as human.
#please do not get it twisted I love love love canon sophie#i have just been thinking about this a lot and wanted to share#i have never written a fanfic before but this concept has me wanting to bc i love reimaginings of big stories where just one thing changes#and that causes a whole ripple effect that changes so many of the characters and dynamics#like without sophie silveny wouldn't be found and the ruewen's would still be having intense grief and maybe Alvar would still be working#with the neverseen and Marella probably wouldn't have manifested et cetera et cetera#i like to think that it's Stina who goes undercover to track down sophie instead of fitz bc her dad is in the black swan and she is about#sophie's age#i just think it would be funny to swap those two out#anyways sorry i didn't mean for that to be that long i just started word vommiting onto my screen#kotlc#kotlc fandom#kotlc thoughts#keeper of the lost cities#sophie foster#i am absolutely projecting my appreciation for the community college i go to onto sophie here
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i have finished watching g-witch and Belmeria is person I relate the most to.
#she has no strengh to admit her wrongs and act to redeem herself#and i love it because i usually feel the same way#feel like i dont have any choice rather than follow other people orders... and its not truth but it usually feels really limiting#because standing for myself is not the immediate option my brain suggests for me#even though she has a criminal record for conducting experiments on humans she doesnt see herself as villain#but she doesnt think her actions are good so... as long as she gets no punishment she proceeds doing questionable things she was assigned 4#because she believes she is under control of people with more power and thats how hierarchy works#i like her little bravery in ep 23... in danger she tossed off her anxious beliefs and broke from chains of helplessness she created hersel#i like her character a lot because she has a weak personality and she is an adult who lived like this for a long time...#its not like the anime tells 'its okay to be weak' because no one actually tells her that (some charas get annoyed even)#its more like anime allows us to see that adults can be irresponcible too..they can be full of anxiety and fear... and its not good for the#but they exist like this... and they can do better if only there was situations or people that could help them gain more confidence#sorry i have so many thoughts about her. thanks for coming to my ted talk#gundam the witch from mercury#mobile suit gundam the witch from mercury#the witch from mercury#belmeria winston#my art#also big thumbs up for her design... its simple and she feels like a really tired woman who gives no attention to her exterior.. i love it
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