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#(I just... need this conversation to happen SO BADLY.)
some-stars · 13 hours
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REC POST REC POST REC POST LIKE IT'S 2005
im gonna do more of these, but this one is "poolverine(-adjacent) fics where they have serious relationship conflict besides pre-confession pining and miscommunication". please enjoy! leave comments!
The One Where Logan and Wade Learn How to be Boyfriends (series), ashe_urbanipal Literally you could not describe a story/series in a way more designed to push all my most favorite buttons. They have to figure this shit OUT!! It's MESSY!!! And they keep TRYING and getting gradually, unevenly better at it, mostly!!! The love confessions happen in the first fic in the series and then we get into the MEAT of it all. Brain damage, jealousy, trauma, and intense relationship-repairing conversations while having fingers cut off. This series has it ALL.
Come Hell or High Water, farmhandler Another wonderfully messy long fic that acknowledges these guys need serious therapy. The deep affection and intense frustration are both so REAL, it makes me so happy.
Blood, Dirt, Love (Stop), por_queeee The relationship issues are resolved without TOO much difficulty here but they're definitely present, and also this fic has my absolute favorite take so far on Logan's X-Men-related trauma and how that might play out for him.
Don't Want To Be A Fool For You, HeavensAche This is just deliciously complicated and messy and beautiful. Like honestly I could list specific things but if you want the slow tangled process of them figuring their shit out, this DELIVERS.
Like a Little Prayer, whiskeywitch This one is very short but it's probably my favorite take on the "Logan skewers Wade during a nightmare" scenario. Intense but understated, not easily fully resolved.
It's Not Fucking Nice, Thestarvedghost I really enjoy this exploration of how Logan's two hundred years of issues and damage would weigh heavy on his relationship with Wade, no matter how much they love each other. A really interesting way to bring Logan's Victor issues into it, too. (Me being me, I should probably specify that this contains NO sibling incest, just deeply abusive and unhealthy relationship dynamics.)
the girlfriend experience, kekinkawaii In which Wade FUCKS UP, big time. Happy ending but GOD, I love when they really truly badly hurt each other.
so leave me my liver and leave me my skin (leave me the way all those other homes did), iguessyouregonnamissthepantyraid Love when Logan gets to be an absolute fucking mess of trauma and poor coping skills. With a hopeful ending, even! (This one is gen but it's still in great part About Them.)
themes for future rec lists: best smut, my favorite honda odyssey fics, Just Really Fucking Good Shit, cablepool, ???
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florencesf1blog · 1 day
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cherry
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'I never knew that the simple act of love could be so torturous.'
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She couldn’t help herself when she heard him on the phone, Spanish fluently rolling off his tongue. He had her in a trance, completely wrapped around his finger despite the circumstances. He was cold and stoic throughout their marriage. It wasn’t one of love; that much was obvious. But she had hope that their arrangement could spark something new. Even after six months of nothing, she held on to this dream, this pure fantasy she’d never have.
Sitting down next to him, she graciously lifts her legs up onto the pillows of the couch. Carlos couldn’t be bothered to give her the time of day, staring out in front of him as he conversed in his phone call. But she was ever so desperate, resting her chin on his shoulder to try and give him unwanted affection. He shoots her a quick glare as she trails kisses along his sharp jaw, his muscles tensing under her strangely loving touch. His entire body stays frozen, set like stone as he finishes his conversation over the phone. She sees this as an opportunity, a chance to make her move. She should know better now, right? But that feeling of the acknowledgement in the past lingered and motivated her to keep going.
She sits herself down on her knees, pressing into the soft cushion of the couch. A gentle hand caresses the side of his unmoving face, her fingers tracing over the slight stubble that started to reappear. She leans in to press a kiss on his unloving lips, giving it her all for nothing. It was like kissing a dead body. Cold and unreciprocated. He allowed it to happen, not yet bothering to push her off.
Carlos had tried many times before with her. It wasn’t in his nature, he’d often tell himself. He wasn’t exactly a loving creature. But he found her pathetic, to say the least. He didn’t want to admit that he hated himself for not feeling anything towards the woman he married. Or that he should feel so, but actually couldn’t come to care at all about her. His own wife. The dull look in his eyes remains when he gently pushes you off, clearing his throat. He hadn’t managed to enjoy himself with you once. Despite all of your effort. He hates being bored, and so he decided to tot with her for his own amusement.
“I need to ask you something.”
She lets him push her off, not minding it in the slightest. The fact that he was speaking to her and giving her any form of attention was just enough. Her wide eyes stared back at him as she tried her hardest to be alert and attentive to his needs. Oh, she was completely struck by him. And she wanted so badly to get something out of him. Her head tilts slightly at the question. “mm?”
“How would you feel if I saw someone else?” he asks subtly, trying to hide his own amusement. He didn’t feel obliged to ask her. No, not at all. This was just his own strange form of amusement. He holds eye contact, gauging her reaction. The excitement in her demeanor and the look in her eyes completely shatter at that question. Crumbled. Her body was slightly slumping. She didn’t want him to see how it had affected her, afraid he’d be dissatisfied. Only if she knew.
Her voice stayed ever so gently as she spoke, quiet as if she wished not to break the silence that fell after his oh so devastating question. “Uh,” she hesitates, just momentarily. “Would that make you happy?”
“It would,” he replies bluntly, not bothering sugarcoating anything. He never truly cared why you thought anyway. Why would he? He was only married to you because his parents told him to. The promise of his inheritance at the price of marrying a stranger. He had every right to his own fun, he told himself. She was simply a body that came with that marriage, that deal. So, why does he still feel bad saying all these things?
Those words didn’t make her feel any better, her heart shattering at the thought. He’d be so much happier with another woman. Anyone but her. What a pain to bear with herself. Trying to tell herself she shouldn’t care so much, she replies. “I don’t mind,” she says, so gentle and kind as if her own husband wasn’t asking for permission to cheat. She was lying through her teeth, and Carlos saw right through her false act.
But he was intrigued. Despite your strange relationship dynamic, he had been somewhat surprised with your absence of complications. For some reason, he had expected somewhat more of a fight. Maybe some questioning as to why he would want somebody else. Instead, you crumbled like a house of cards in front of him. “Really?” he asks, only to receive a quick nod in return.
She was clueless as to why he had asked her in the first place. Very much aware of her position, she knew not to deny him anything. It wouldn’t matter if she did. He would do as he pleased, despite her yes or no answer. On top of that, she was incredibly eager. All in the hope that he would be somewhat pleased with her. Proud.
Carlos felt his ego boost up tenfold. It was almost too easy, watching your meek state give into anything he’d ask you. She was supposed to be his wife. Yet she sat next to him like some obedient little puppy. He wanted to test all his luck. See how far he could take this. How far you could really go before you truly fell to pieces.
“Good girl,” he smirks, leaning forward to pat her head. It was a truly degrading action, but he knew she’d enjoy any positive attention he’d give. And he only becomes more smug when a small smile appears on her face at the manner. The slightest bit of affection, if you could even call it that, had made her feel some sort of pride. Like an outstanding achievement. As if she had truly accomplished something by doing so little. By making her husband somewhat happy. Pleased. Pleased with her.
Falling to pieces for his sake.
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A/N: wow/ quick comeback from the dead ig? dont know where this one came from but it did. please let me know what u all think cause i truly enjoyed writing this/ ill be making some minor changes to my account and hopefully upload more (no promises).
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Unnatural Love
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Part 8 Synopsis : Name has being transmigrated into the world of I'm Not That Kind Of Talent without ever reading the novel. She's not being reincarnated as a human but as a devil as well. Hi There! I want to let you know that this fanfiction story isn't solely my creation. I borrowed the concept from @quqiwo2. I haven't actually read the novel either, just some spoiler to the end.
I hope you'll excuse my spelling and grammar mistake, because English not my first language.
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As soon as Deon came back from his holiday trip I got this news.
Deon has not received the orders to return to the human world yet, so that means this screen gives me time to prepare and do the quest.
I'll have to apply for leave at this rate. There's no way I could just run away. I still have to work here to be with Deon. But the skill I can use to persuade Deon to let me go with him is just...
... I closed my eyes. Dizziness could really kill me right now. To get that skill I have to do it.
But that's for later, now is not the right time. Because now Deon is the referee for the fight. The useless fight for me…
Then Deon returned to his room with a pale face. He immediately lay down on his bed and cover his eyes with his hand. He looks tired.
"What's wrong with you, Deon. You’re not even fighting, right? Aren't you just to be a judge?" That's my reaction seeing the tired Deon eventhough he's not fighting.
"Earlier the impact of the attack almost hurt me, but Ed was the one who helped me."
Mr Ed?! Not surprising at all…
"He is loyal to you. Of course he will put up a body for you."
Silence fell over us before Deon finally started talking.
"You know Adele..." Deon started the conversation in a gloomy tone
"The commander of the 5th Army said that she and her boyfriend wanted to have child and that child were a blessing..."
There is already, his trauma, but this is also an opportunity for me.
I sat next to Deon, lay on top of him and started to bring my face closer to his face.
"Children are indeed a blessing for a couple. But not all couples know how to appreciate the blessings given to them."  I stroked his cheek and he looked at me with wry look, looks like he wanted to cry with all his burden.
"If Deon is willing, would you like one day if we make that blessing?"
After saying that, embarrassment and amusement immediately hit my heart.
'Why? Why do I have to do all this. Why do I have to take on all of this responsibility?  I'm embarrassed myself so badly.'
I bit my lip with my teeth to suppress my overflowing embarrassment and don’t look at him at all.
I quickly got up from my current position, I wanted to forget what happened to me just now. But Deon's hand pulled me until I returned to the previous position, even making my face closer than before and my hand was used as a foundation to support my weight, making my eyes shake and my body stiffen.
So I locked Deon in a lying position. His gaze pierced through me and I don’t really like that intense gaze intended to me…
"Are you sure? Even if you can't have children? Because you're a devil"
Huh, are the devils here infertile?
"No problem. Isn't there such a thing as adoption?"
It's true that I'm not mentally ready to have children now. But if it is possible and can actually happen to adopt, why not?
The plus is that I don't need to conceive and give birth. But I'm also quite curious about women who bear children. A woman who is 9 months pregnant will love her child with all her heart. Maybe I will never get that love.
Then Deon's hand suddenly pressed down on my neck. Made my hand fall and I fell too.
Fell to kiss Deon's lips.
Blank...
All my thoughts broke, for the blink of an eye, I forgot that I was human, the problem of Deon's tragedy, or transmigration. After I woke up from the emptiness, I could only feel a soft but also warm sensation on my lips. Then I started to be surprised, I didn't know whether I could let this go or not, or maybe i also want to indulge it.
But before I could start doing anything there was a knock on Deon's bedroom door.
"Master Demon, you were summoned by the demon king."
And I finally had the courage to break our kiss and I touch my lips that just been kissed, didn’t even believe that this is my moment of my first kiss.
Only then did Deon, with an annoyed face, wake up from his sleep. He scratched his hair with an annoyed and angry expression because he had disturbed this important moment. But I were actually grateful and grateful to have those kiss been disturbed.
I'm not ready to experience my first kiss, but it’s too late. I already got it.
"Let's do that again later! " As soon as he said so he left the room.
What?
What did he just say?
Will you do it again later?
I'm not mentally ready!?!
But even though I wasn't mentally ready, I still checked my Quest screen.
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I can complete two Quests at once. Should I be happy or should I be sad?
Maybe it's better if I choose to be happy, yeah??
Yeayy... cried!
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"I have to return to the human world." He said that after his meeting with Demon King.
Deon's adventure in the human world is a journey I definitely have to embark with him.
"Deon. Can I come with you?"
He was clearly surprised, because he knew I was a devil, not a human. Besides, why would I want to go with him to the human world which is clearly not my world.
“Why? Don't you want to separate?” He finally glances my way while he's preoccupied with swapping his shirt for a more covered one and his robe. He’s not exposing anything to me, you know?
I actually don't really want to join your adventure, it's just that I have to make sure to prevent any tragedy will happen.
And since I appreciate the reasons given, I'll go ahead and accept it.
“Y-yeah, we're just dating. Why do we have to be apart for that long?”
"But you were fine when I went on holiday, weren't you?"
"You're only going on holiday for a short time, but it's going to be a long one. Can I come along..."
I tried to persuade Deon who didn't quickly agree. Why he’s so slow to only say yes to me? My mission is to save you, you know?
"But you're a devil. How can you come with me without people knowing you're a devil?"
Hearing that question makes me grinning at him, "Don't worry, I already know the solution."
"What, is that new power again?"
"Yes, I got the power to disguise myself as a human." I show him the new ability I’ve retrieved. He looks so impressed with my changes. I haven't had the chance to see my human form yet, not even once.
But his amazement returned back to his dismay. "But your job..."
"I've already applied for leave so it's no problem."
He sighed, that's the sign of my victory.
"Which means we have to go more quietly than usual."
"Just use my abilities." I reminded him.
"Oh yeah, I just remembered you have that ability. Are your invisibility can applied to me?"
"I can manage what becomes transparent, not only my body alone" It's really convenient you know, can make other people transparent too.
"But what will your identity be when you arrive in the human world?"
OH
'Oh no! I really haven't thought about that. What's our relationship in there?, as friend, as a servant? As his whore who only leech his fortune? Or as a married couple even if we're really not? Or as an adopted eventhough I'm the grown woman?'
My messy thought really start thinking out of common sense because of a sudden panic. If i hear my thought when I'm in normal condition, I will expressed my frustration over my own foolishness.
But Deon has his own answer. "Do you want to be my fiancé?"
Fi-fiancé.... T-thats... (Hesitating&Embarassed)
Come On, don't to be so overthinking!!!
Come to my senses... I need a reason to be in the human world, being a friend or servant, or anything i said earlier isn't suitable enough reason to blend in humans world that match Deon as a noble.
The only bond that truly brings a woman and a man closer together is a romantic relationship, whether I like it or not.
In fact, it would be even stranger if we were married. We will being accused of lying.
So fiancé was still better than married. Not official yet but so in love.
So I just said yes in the end. No other option left.
To Be Continued
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delta-piscium · 18 days
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time and time again i’ve been proven wrong yet i continue to live under the false assumption that everyone shares my same references and time and time again i have suffered for it (casually mentioned miku binder thomas jefferson to my brother, then in depth explained miku binder thomas jefferson to my brother)
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callixton · 9 months
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oh i am on the Brink of a mental breakdown. and like a real one. i am going to feel so so fucking terrible and guilty if i don’t go to the first week of mac rehearsal bc i need to recover but i am also getting the sense that i Need to recover. i have never been this burnt out or genuinely terrified of starting a new semester in my life.
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snootlestheangel · 2 months
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Drowning out my feelings with Dr. Pepper, falling back in love with Silence is Golden But Consequences Are Red, and thoughts of Mother Hen Wolf Shifter!Ghost
*rant in the tags if y'all want*
#i have been having entirely too many feelings lately#and not a time nor place to cope#I have been having far too many conversations about the future and it's starting to make me freak out#this aquarium trip was supposed to help me answer the questions I had about what schooling/degree I would need to be an aquarist#all it did though was make me realize that being an aquarist may not actually be right for me#which now means I don't know what I would be going back to school for#which sucks absolute ass because I miss being a student. I miss that freedom and I miss learning#i miss being a college student so badly actually and I honestly regret dropping out. Like I did before but now#I always told myself it was for the best cause it's better than failing a semester and tanking my GPA#but now I've been stuck in this horrible depressive cycle and feeling so fucking burntout I can barely function half the time#now I don't have any time or energy to do things I love let alone do some self learning#I currently don't see any point in going back to school cause I don't even know what I would go back for and it's fucking scary#all of my siblings have had major things happen and are progressing on with their lives#and like I get i'm barely even in my twenties and I shouldn't be panicking this badly about my life#I feel like half of my troubles are self inflicted even though they're really truly not#but I can't help but feel I've doomed myself and my motor functioning is worsening#my executive functioning is down the fucking toilet and I can't fucking fix it and it's upsetting me#but god i just had a birthday this past week and about three years ago when I started college#I really believed I'd be in a much different place at this age than I am now#and it's scary it's fucking terrifying and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and all I am doing is spiraling really badly
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beautifel · 1 year
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i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am
#ask 2 tag idk what to tag this but its negative. idk if i’m hormonal or whatever. it’s just that i’m so extremely emotional lately#like i always havebeen but it’s insane lately and i know some of the reasons but i have no idea what to do abt it. which is bad#i wish i knew how to confront …it all. im so avoidant it is genuinely pathetic#and even if i wanted to confront anything iwouldnt know how… n how to tell ppl around me#the pains ive taken to ignore my issues over the yrs n by that i mean suppress the knowledge that they even exist Lmao it is so pathetic#let alone the pains ive taken to hide from other ppl that which im suppressing. and to hide how badly i cope with anything#like any problem at all not just things that have anything to do with The Thing#i finally told my girlfriend about something i never thought id ever say out loud to anyone n it was so hard#the whole convo was so hard bc shes dealing with so much too and shes been getting help for 3 yrs n i know#with her baggage of trauma a relationship is one of the hardest things#n ive never ever regretted our relationship but with the things we are both dealing wtih. or rather not dealing with in my case#it is so . hard.. and i feel like ive been so unfair bc i havent been getting help even tho i need it. and she has.#the sheer irony of me refusing to get help or even admit 2 myself i need it even tho im literally about to be the person who helps others#this cannot go on lmao. the only thing im sure about is that i wanna spend my life with her but with everything tht we have on our plate#its so.. unsure i feel so powerless . i cannot change the past i cant change either of our previous experiences#its so unfair how we risk losing the best thing that ever happened bc of things out of our control#ive genuinely never been more scared of anything than i am of the idea of losing this relationship#we had such a deep conversation today and it was necessary and good but god we’re fucked up people#so i .contacted the uni psych today finally but im so fucking scared and idk what to even say when i get there#ive never until today said it out loud ive never even written it down anywhere
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cookies-over-yonder · 7 months
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cookies sad hour whining hour ignore me (<- actually loves attention)
#i'm sad because i wish people would message me first more#i'm always the person who messages first#but when other people send me messages it makes me feel like oh you actually like talking to me and wanted to reach out and talk to me and#are giving me attention without me messaging first#i am a person who needs a lot of attention#and i don't mind asking for it bc i'm the kind of person who says what i want and need#but i get really sad at it sometimes because#when i'm feeling depressed or anxious then i isolate myself and if other people were to reach out to me first more then it would be less#likely to happen#like i even just want people to check in on me every now and then. ask me how i'm feeling if i've mentioned going through a depressive#episode#or whatever mental troubles#idk why i'm feeling so emotional about this suddenly#like i don't mind messaging people first but i guess when it comes to me struggling badly then i WISH people would message me to ask me#how i'm doing#@ all my friends reading this i am not upset at anyone at all btw i'm just lamenting about being a mentally ill extrovert#almost no one messages me first which is whatever cuz i'm chatty and used to initiating conversations but i guess it also makes me sad#i dont ask people to because i'm not about to force people to be doing something that is uncomfortable for them#i do ask people to check in on me though if they know i'm having an episode#idk if it rly happens though#i just sometimes fear that if i stopped pulling my weight in relationships due to a mental health crisis that all of my friendships will di#because i'm the one who initiates everything#again i'm not upset at anyone i'm just lamenting about being a mentally ill extrovert#vent#you can heart this or reply or whatever idc but rbs are off for obvious reasons
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running-in-the-dark · 9 months
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.......
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apocalypticdemon · 11 months
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being friends with someone who constantly throws pity parties for themselves is fucking exhausting.
#this isn't about anyone that follows me here or that i follow here.#but i have a friend in a group where just..... every time someone says something good about us as a group#they feel the need to put themselves down on main and interrupt the conversation.#it's fucking tiring.#the comment was 'i can't believe we're all academics' and i responded 'it's wild but great'#and then they just go 'i feel really dumb but i guess i'm an academic sometimes' and then the convo gets derailed#like the two of us were literally celebrating that we're all nerdy academics together but now it's managing their emotions on how stupid-#-they feel.#i am so tired. this happens all the time.#i get it. i get it. when i had horrid self-esteem (as if i don't have that now) i felt the need to do this#but like. it's not productive and it's killed the vibe. and i wish they would knock it off but it's unfortunately a pattern of behavior#that happens all the time. and i wish i knew what to do about it bc it's getting on my nerves.#like i said. nobody here is doing this. this is a different person. if you think it's about you No It Isn't#(and if you think you know who i'm talking about no you don't)#idk i just wind up in the position of talking them down all the time and trying to steer them in a more positive direction#and i'm running out of energy for it and it's wearing on me.#they're fun to talk to sometimes but i think over the last few years i've turned into their therapist friend.#'how do i ask someone out' 'do i drop my crush bc i haven't confessed and they aren't acting the way i'd hoped'#'why do i feel like shit all the time' idk man stop fucking asking me#i'm not cut out for this. One Single Class stressed me out so badly i wound up in therapy again. like. i'm Unqualified.#and i'm dissatisfied that i'm stuck in this role and idk how to get out of it
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earraigh · 2 years
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.
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bileroom · 21 days
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we're going to have our own safe home again and then we can process the. aughh
#not even lisa rn just using her blog . um#i kind of forget how much that bothered me. why did i have to reach out#make up your mind. dont you hate him??? didnt he hurt you too???? why won't you look at me. why wont you think about.#the implications. why did nobody ever think to worry about me#every person in his life who he hurt knew i existed i was right there the whole time and none of them ever stopped to wonder#if i was ok. none of them thought the things he woukd say or do IN FRONT OF THEM were signs of anything bad#my telling her i am there to talk and she still sees me as a child and assumes i cant have an adult conversation abt him.#but apparently seeing me as a child doesnt extend to bothering to protect me from him.#she knew. they all knew. i said it to their faces . fucking so many cries for help but im just a spoiled brat#one of them said i had him wrapped around my finger. haha#i was nine years old... and that was during the worst of it too. in the apartment w him. i was so scared all the time#was i really that invisible or did nobody want to bother to look?#after everything he did to all those women and girls not a single one of them ever considered his daughter.#man like that but sure he must be a great dad. because he says he is idk. because he loves me so much and they can all tell#he traps me and i cant turn to anyone. nobody notices. nobody acknowledges.#i feel guilty for reaching out TO HIS EX GIRLFRIEND and asking if she wanted to talk about being abused that i was here. to talk.#and what. she turned around and told him??? she ignored me??????#she full well knows. she must. he abused her and injured her more badly than he did me#even though he compared what happened with her and what happened with me#. even then. she must have at least wondered if he hurt me too right.#but she never did bother. nobody ever bothered to wonder about me.#why should i feel guilty for reaching out to HER as an adult asking if SHE is okay.#maybe she should have tried even a little bit when i was a kid and i needed help.
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insanechayne · 9 months
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~ ~ ~
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be-good-to-bugs · 10 months
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the world isnt so bad
#the bin#i think ill be ok one day#i feel like i need to change a lot of my lofe and relationships for that to happen but ill do it and ill be better for it and ill be ok#i feel like the big thing thats been fucking me uo these past years besides not having friends is my sister#i just. dont like her. shes mean and unpleasant to be around. she seems fine if u only spend a little time around her but shes so negative#and its not enougj to just not talk much. like. i need our relationship to stop existing in its current for in a tangeble way#not enough to just talk less bc then shes like why r we talking less. but i dont have the option of just saying hey ur mean and i dont#wanna be kinda-friends anymore. we can just have the same kinda relationship i have with the rest of our siblings#because i have literally nobody else here and if she gets mad im kinda fucked. i need her to take me to work. i cant compromise that#its just. idk it sucks. i think itll be healthy to jave distance from her when i move away so that ohr relationship can do the thing quietly#idk. i would have no problem with just changing things immediately but she always has reacted badly to that stuff sooo#ive felt yhis way for many years now but i felt like i was the problem and that shes actually fine but thats not it#and i keep trying to fix it but idk. shes just unpleasant. shes not horrible but we do NOT work. i need to talk to my other older sister#more cause shes really nice. probably gonna help her get a job and stuff when i move. maybe we will move in together#only for like a temp time but just so she can get a handle on living on ur own. and she would need a ride to work n stuff#shes very loud so id rather not live with her. i wanna live alone. but i wanna help her out also bc nobody is willing to do that for her#and also treat her like a capable adult. how can she learn how to be an adult if nobody treats her like one? shes perfectly capable once#she learns but its not stuff u just know on ur own. well. without other ppl getting in the way we communicate very well#idk. thats way future stuff tho. but maybe will do that in the future. im trying to be optimistic and think abt my oter siblings to talk to#i have 3 who are old enough to have regular conversations with and the other 2 r a bit young. 2 of the 3 r kinda mean tho#well. me and my other older sister can live in the least fav children club and talk abt how rude the other 2 are lol
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barebcnes · 11 months
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@paramounticebound cont. [x] because I am dying over here laughing choking on my own spit
"...Yeah. Yeah, I know."
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"I, as a doctor, have seen things in my life, Khan - and I truly weren't enjoyin' any of them."
Oh, McCoy has. Not only has he seen unspeakable horrors, but he'd also been asked to treat them, unfortunately so. Lucky him that no one has tried to reproduce with a vegetable on this ship yet... but who knows?
"---So, don't do it. I'll treat anything you bring into medbay - except for pumpkin inners being stuck in places they're not supposed to be in."
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mrsbarnesblog · 4 months
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i am not the only one who saw that, right?
masterlist
summary: your friends find out that you secretly dating their enemy, but their opinion might completely change when they see Rafe from another point of view
words count: 2.2k
warnings: secret relationship, pogue!reader, attempted assault, mention of blood, soft and protective Rafe
a/n: inbox is open for requests💘
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“You cannot be dating Rafe fucking Cameron, Y/N!” John B exclaimed, burying his hands in his hair and walking all around the place. 
“No, seriously, this is not a good idea.” Sarah looked at you, giving out a nervous laugh. 
You were currently surrounded by your friends, who were all practically yelling at you after they accidentally saw a message from Rafe on your phone. You were one of the pogues; you never hanged out around the kooks, but somehow, when you were visiting Sarah a few months ago, you got into a random conversation with Rafe, and since that moment, the connection between you two has only gotten stronger. 
It was an instant click and as much as you both tried to deny the spark, it was there. As you started going out, secretly from everyone, of course, you decided to keep it private until the right time. 
“Alright, guys, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I knew that this would be your reaction. It just happened, okay?” You rubbed the bridge of your nose, already feeling a headache from the tense situation. All of your friends were standing on the opposite side of you and it felt like they were just attacking you. 
“What were you thinking? You know that he hates people like us, like you. We are pogues, Y/N. How the hell did that even happen?” Kiara was standing with her hands on her hips, as her piercing eyes were studying you. You felt awful looking at Pope, who was the one who always supported you, but he just shook his head and stepped away. 
“I don’t know. It just happened. We talked once when Sarah left, then I accidentally met him a few times in town, and then he texted me. He’s not bad when you know him closer.” You sighed. “Look, I know Rafe was a lot of trouble for us. He did bad things; I know that. But he’s not like that; he’s sweet and caring, and he has never shown any sign of being disrespectful towards me. I just can’t deny my feelings for him.”
“Honey, Rafe is not a good person. He doesn’t care about anything or anyone; he’s evil, selfish and manipulative.” Sarah stepped closer to you, touching your hand. “He’ll play with you, hurt your feelings and just throw you away.”
“And he probably just wants to get into your pants.” JJ grumbled, also taking a defensive position. 
“I haven't even slept with him yet, JJ!” You desperately snapped at him. It felt ridiculous, like all of them turned against you at the same time. Sure, Rafe wasn’t the sweetest person to them before, but they didn’t even give you a chance to say something in your defense. “And you’re wrong too, Sarah. All of Rafe’s actions were just to get people’s attention and appreciation. All it took for me to get on his soft side was to just listen to him and give him some affection. Other people didn’t care enough, including you and your father. He needs someone who he can trust and open up to because he’s hurt.” 
“No, Y/N. If you think that he loves you, then he just got into your head. My brother doesn’t love anyone. It will end badly; I just know that.” 
Tears gathered in your eyes, and a lump in your throat made it difficult to say anything back, so you just stupidly stayed there. You had no strength to fight with all five of them at the same time. You turned around, silently getting back in the car, even though your head was filled with doubt and dark thoughts because of their words. 
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For the next few days, it was tough for all of you. You and the rest of the group were still close, and even though they were completely against your relationship, you still met and hung out. The pit in your heart was still there, no matter how hard you tried to act nonchalant and not let their words get into your head. 
Rafe noticed the change in your behavior—that you were upset with something—but he didn’t put any pressure on you and allowed you to decide for yourself when you wanted to open up. 
Pogues decided to go to some party on the cut near the beach and as much as you tried to refuse, Sarah and Kiara managed to drag you there. You all rarely went to such places, preferring to hang out in your little circle, but apparently everyone wanted to clear their heads and saw it as the best opportunity. 
It was pretty fun with a bunch of people you did not know, some music, and drinks, and you mostly hung out with your friends. Though quickly it got overwhelming and made you want to go home or at least go outside of the house to get some fresh air. As you left your friends and wanted out from the backyard to a part of the beach, you didn’t notice the guy who had been eyeing you the whole evening. 
He came out of nowhere from your back, his arms wrapped around your waist, lifting you off the ground. You yelled at the sudden and unwanted touch, and your heart seemed to drop into your stomach when you realised that it wasn’t just a joke from JJ, who liked to scare you. You started wiggling in his hands to get free, but he was fighting you back, dragging you up when you fell to your knees on the ground. 
It was such a mess trying to scratch and punch him that you almost did not notice his hand coming into contact with your face several times. You screamed again, this time loud enough, until you saw JJ running towards you. The guy behind you pushed you away as soon as he saw someone, and you fell to the ground with a loud huff. 
“That fucking bastard!” JJ was right near you, helping you to get up as tears streamed down your face. He tried to comfort you, checking your body for any injuries, but you pushed his hands away, wrapping your own around yourself in a defensive way.
“Oh my god, Y/N!” You heard Kiara, along with your other friends, calling your name. “What the hell happened?”
“H-he attacked me.” You sniffed, trying to catch your breath and, with shaking hands, reaching to the pocket of your jeans shorts to get out your phone. All of them looked at each other, questioning your actions, until you pressed someone’s contact button and put the phone to your ear. “Can y-you pick me up, p-please?” You sniffed again, now trembling from the adrenaline. 
“Baby? Are you crying? Where are you?” You heard your boyfriend’s concerned voice through the phone, feeling how JJ tensed beside you. 
“I’m on the cut. Near the beach. There’s a party and... Please, Rafe.” 
“I’m coming, angel. Just wait for me, ‘kay?” You heard the sound of the car engine at the other end of the line. Rafe didn’t ask any more questions, and as soon as you mumbled quiet 'mhm’ he ended the call. 
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You all heard him before you saw him. The sound of the tires drifting through the sandy street was loud, drawing attention to the expensive car that was unusual to see at this part of the island. 
Rafe didn’t bother to properly park, turn off the engine or even close the door when he saw you sitting on some old chaise lounge, with his sister and Kie trying to talk to you and your other friends arguing nearby. 
The girls stepped away from you as soon as they saw Rafe running towards you with a furious expression on his face and ready to deal with anyone who made you cry. It looked like he didn’t even care about the pogues, with whom he always had to get into arguments; he was fully focused on your shivering form.
“Baby, what’s wrong? What happened?” He squatted down in front of you, and you started sobbing again. Your hands immediately found their place around his neck, and, before he could even properly look at your face, you pulled him closer to get some sense of comfort from his warmth and smell. Rafe hugged you back, soothingly rubbing your back. His eyes shot towards your friends, who were watching in awe at the interaction. “Which one of you did that?”
“It’s not us, you idiot. Some guy jumped her when she walked outside.” Sarah said, rolling her eyes at her brother. “JJ heard screaming, and when we walked outside, he ran away.” Rafe pulled away, finally taking in your appearance.
Your knees were covered in dried blood mixed with the sand. He gently took your hands to see the palms scratched from you trying to catch yourself before hitting the ground. Rafe’s eyes were burning with fury, showing his side that he rarely revealed in front of you. His hand reached to move your hair from your face, noticing a red, now already turning purplish, bruise covering the side of your cheek.
“Holy shit, sweetheart.” He softly brushed his fingertips along your cheek and you leaned into the touch, closing your eyes. Your bottom lip started quivering and you bit inside your cheek to calm yourself down. “Sh-h im here, okay? You’re safe. Did you see him? What did he look like? Just tell me and I’ll deal with it.” He almost begged, but you only shook your head. JJ suddenly stepped closer, slightly hesitating to actually normally communicate with his longtime enemy,  but he thought that it was the least that he could do for you.
As much as he hated The Kooks King, JJ knew that Rafe was the best option to find the guy who hurt you. 
“Tall, with dark and curly hair. Never seen him before, probably someone new on the island, but I’ll recognize him.” They looked at each other for a moment, and Rafe just simply nodded, turning his attention back to you. 
“I’ll find him, ‘kay? I promise I will.” He gently took both of your hands in his, bringing them to his lips to place a soft kiss on your knuckles. “We should go now. I need to take care of your knees and that bruise, baby. You don’t mind going to Tanneyhill, yeah?”
“Thank you, Rafe.” You whispered, slightly bending forward to ask for a kiss. Rafe smiled at you, his thumbs gently swiped the leftovers of the tears under your eyes, and then he kissed you on your forehead, nose, and gently pecked your lips. 
Your heart flattered at his soft touches and for a second, it felt like you two were in your own little bubble. Rafe's eyes shimmered slightly in the moonlight, and the way he looked at you, soft and caring, made you want to kiss him again and again. You suddenly snapped out of the trance, looking back at your friends, who all had different levels of shock and uncertainty written on their faces. 
“C’mon, pretty girl.” Rafe stood up, lifting you in bridal style without an effort, carefully not to hurt your bleeding knees. He almost walked away, but then sighed, turning back to look at his sister. “You coming home with us or somethin’?”
“Um, no, I’ll be with John B. It seems like I would be third wheeling with you anyway.” She shrugged, not being able to keep a smile when you two met with your eyes. 
Rafe then looked at JJ, thinking his words over. “I appreciate it, Maybank.” 
They exchanged a tight nod, both slightly shocked that for the first time ever, they communicated without biting each other's heads off. You leaned closer to Rafe, comfortably nestling in his protective hands, and looked at your friends, who were still too shocked to say anything. 
“I’ll see you guys later, okay? 
Everyone agreed, saying goodbye to you and asking you to text them when you get there safely. They saw how Rafe made sure to slowly put you into the passenger seat, then circled the car and drove away. An awkward silence fell around them, everyone at a loss for words. 
“Okay, so I am not the only one who saw that, right?” Pope spoke first, looking around the place as if he were trying to find something. “Rafe freaking Cameron just was acting cute and didn’t threaten to do something to us?” His own body physically shrugged at the word ‘cute’.
“I don’t know, dude. We all just probably drank something and it’s messing with our heads.” 
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