#why should i feel guilty for reaching out to HER as an adult asking if SHE is okay. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

suuuupernovaaa · 2 years ago

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säwäsul

säwäsul [sæ.ˈwæ.sul] n. a competition

Request from @pwallettes : I would like to see something with Neteyam and Lo'ak with a na'vi reader where they are childhood best friends. She has always had a crush on Neteyam and now he seems to reciprocate as well and this relationship is blessed by Neytiri and Jake. But then Lo'ak confesses his feelings too and she is confused about how she feels. I don't see them as enemies, but just not knowing how they're going to handle the situation.

(Adult) Neteyam and (Adult) Lo'ak both have their eyes on the same girl - and try to work through it without killing each other.

2,160 words

For a very long, very tense moment, the two brothers stared at each other. Though they had experienced conflict with each other their entire lives, that was just brotherly competition and natural fighting.

This was something else entirely. This was something that could ruin their family, their relationship with each other, and that wasn't something either of them was willing to do.

"How long have you felt this way?" Neteyam asked finally, rubbing his temples with his fingers. Of all the idiotic things Lo'ak could have confessed to him, he certainly hadn't been expecting this.

"A long time... but I knew how she felt about you, so I tried to get over it. But, when mom and dad gave their blessing, I just, I didn't want to go forever without saying something." Lo'ak spread his arms out, as if to symbolize his innocence, and Neteyam didn't know whether to strangle him or give him a hug.

"What the hell are we supposed to do?" Neteyam asked.

Lo'ak was silent. Clearly, he hadn't given this much thought beyond confessing to his brother. He had told himself that if Neteyam was really angry and upset, he would let it go forever - but he really wasn't sure he could do that.

"You should tell her," Neteyam said. "She should know, she deserves to know."

Lo'ak's eyes widened in surprise, and he reached out to grip his brother's shoulder. "Neteyam, be serious. She will not choose me. She has already told you how she feels."

Neteyam sighed. "She has told me she feels deeply for me, and would consider being my mate, but that is all. I think I... I think I kept her waiting too long. I have always known how she felt."

"Why?" the younger Sully asked. In fact, the whole family wanted to know what had made Neteyam change his mind and begin to pursue Y/N after all this years. After all, it was no secret how she'd always felt about him.

Neteyam couldn't answer.

"She should know how you feel. Before she decides what she wants," Neteyam said again, patting his brother on the back. "We have to respect her decision - we can't make her feel guilty for it."

Lo'ak nodded, but knowing Y/N, that would be an impossible task.

"You are a fine woman, Y/N, and I would be honored to call you mine," Neteyam had told me a few days ago, but something in his voice, in his stance... I had dreamed of Neteyam saying this to me for years, but in my dreams, it had been more passionate, a deep confession of love.

The way he said it, it felt more like an obligation, like an agreement he was entering into.

I knew Neteyam cared deeply about me, as I cared for him, but I couldn't tell if he loved me, and I had been too scared to ask.

Then again - did a match with the future Olo'eyktan need to be a love match? Could it not be enough to simply care about each other, and live a happy life?

These were the thoughts consuming my mind as I return from a long ride with my ikran. I had hoped it would clear my mind, but it didn't seem like that was going to happen.

I needed to talk to someone. It should have been Neteyam, but I was almost nervous to ask how he really felt. Was I simply a good match, approved by his parents, or was I the woman he desperately wanted to be with?

"Y/N!" a voice called from the forest, and I turned, searching for its owner. Moments later, Lo'ak emerged, running over with a smile on his face.

"Lo'ak! What are you doing?"

"Looking for you," he replied breathlessly when he reached me. "What are you doing?" He reached up, tucking my hair behind my ear; it was always a little wild and windblown after a ride, even if it was in braids.

"Riding. What do you need?"

I noticed then how nervous Lo'ak looked. His smile wasn't reaching his eyes, and he was fidgeting in a way that I'd never really seen him do before. Of all the Sully children - and only one of them remains a child - Lo'ak was certainly the most confident and boisterous of the bunch. He was acting out of character.

"Are you okay?" I asked, reaching out to grab his arm just above his elbow. With his other hand, he reached over and covered mine.

"I have to tell you something and, and you should know, I already told Neteyam."

I frowned. "Okay..."

"I'm just going to say it, okay?" Lo'ak said, his chest heaving up and down with sporadic breaths.

"Please, do," I replied, growing very anxious with his behavior. His hand was gripping mine so tightly.

"I am in love with you, Y/N. I see you. I have loved you for, well, a long time. A really long time but I, just, I always knew how you felt about Neteyam, so I didn't say anything but now, now that it might, now that I could lose my chance I just wanted to tell you how I felt. Before, well, just so you could know."

My mouth fell open and my eyes were as wide as they had ever been. My mind was racing, but somehow blank at the same time.

I could not form a coherent thought, or a single word. Lo'ak filled the space with more talking.

"I told Neteyam, and he said you deserved to know, too, because it's your future and you should get to decide. And my brother, I love my brother, Y/N. He would be a fine mate for you, if you choose him. But I would be too, Yawne." Beloved.

No one had ever called me that.

My brain tried to conjure up the image of Neteyam calling me that, and it couldn't. I didn't think he ever would.

"I don't want you to feel guilty if you choose him, and he doesn't want you to feel guilty if you don't. Or, you don't have to choose either of us. But, we won't be mad at you, Y/N. I don't think I could ever be mad at you."

Lo'ak stepped forward, and I stood still as he wrapped his arms around me.

Images of our childhood together played in my mind. Had I been so focused on the eldest brother, that I had missed something right in front of my eyes? Lo'ak had always been there for me, always cheered me on, always made me laugh when I was down, and it seemed obvious now.

He had been showing me how he felt for so long, while I pined for someone who only wanted me for an approved match out of obligation to his people.

Neteyam was a good man, and he would make a good Olo'eyktan, and I did not regret telling him how I felt... but something felt different about it now.

It wasn't that Lo'ak's confession made me fall out of love, but it made me realize I wasn't really in love in the first place; I was just infatuated with who I thought Neteyam could be for me.

Tears filled my eyes and I leaned into Lo'ak's embrace, feeling confused and hurt and a little relieved. I needed time to think about everything, to decide if I could really choose between two brothers without hating myself forever, to make sure Lo'ak's affections were true.

"I need time to think," I whispered, and Lo'ak squeezed me tightly.

"I know. I'll be waiting."

What I needed, was to talk to Neteyam. I took the evening to try to sleep on it, but that was almost impossible. I knew I couldn't talk to my mother or siblings about it - they would tell me I would be a fool not to choose the eldest son of Taruk Makto, but I didn't think that was entirely true.

Very early the next morning, I found Neteyam setting off for a hunt, and pulled him aside.

"We must talk," I said.

"Yeah, probably," he replied with a half smile that I couldn't return.

"I spoke to your brother yesterday."

"I know," he said, and there wasn't much concern in his voice, or his face.

I squinted at him, turning my head to the side. "Does the idea of Lo'ak expressing his affections to me make you jealous at all?"

Neteyam looked taken aback by my question. He opened his mouth, and then closed it again.

"I have loved you for many years, Neteyam. There were times when I thought I would not be able to live, if you chose another woman. The day your parents approved our pairing, I thought it would be the greatest of my life." Once again, tears began to fill my eyes as I spoke, though I tried to stop them.

"It wasn't, though?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I don't think you love me, Neteyam. Not like that. I think you like me, and I do think we would be very happy together... but do you not want to, to feel that you would die without your mate? To be with someone who is on your mind day and night, who drives you mad and makes you angry and, and happier than you could imagine?"

Neteyam stared at me for a moment, while I took in deep breaths, trying very hard not to embarrass myself with more tears.

"Do we not both deserve that?" he finally said. "You are my best friend, Y/N. I would never hold you back from a love like that."

I bit my lip and look down. "Do you think he...?"

"Yes," Neteyam answered without hesitation. "He does."

Lo'ak was gone on the hunt before I could find him, and so I had to wait all day to speak with him. It was the longest, most agonizing day of my entire life.

When he returned, I was by the fires at the center of our home, helping prepare the evening meal with many of the other men and women of our tribe.

"Y/N!" he greeted me excitedly, a smile on his face, and I jumped up from my seat and grabbed him by the hand.

"Come," I said, pulling him away, just out of the reach of our clan's eyes and ears, to the darkness of the forest.

Here, alone, before we spoke, I took a moment to truly admire Lo'ak. I still held his hands in mine, and lifted it before my eyes, examining the five fingers there. Above his eyes, the small patches of hair that set him apart, got my attention next, and I ran my finger over them and tired not to smile too wide.

He looked just like his father, as he got older, and he acted like him, too.

That meant he was fierce, and loyal, and protective, and very impulsive at times.

How had I missed this man? How could I have allowed myself to be blinded to him?

"I must apologize, Lo'ak," I said finally, my voice very quiet. "I wasted so much time, thinking I was in love with Neteyam, and that he could be in love with me... but that match is not right, for either of us."

He grasped both my hands with his. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"But I do. I made you to suffer. That's not something I would ever want. I do love you, Lo'ak. I can't, I can't believe I didn't realize it until yesterday. I love you in a way that I could never love anyone else, in a way I have never loved anyone else. I want you to know that. Tell me you believe me."

He licked his lips, and smiled widely at me. "I believe you." His fingers underneath my chin tilted my face up, so that I would look him boldly in the eyes. "I knew you would find your way to me. I knew you would be mine."

The confidence was so attractive, and I was amazed that I would have spent my life being only half-loved when Lo'ak was ready to love me so deeply, and to be loved in return.

His lips brushed against mine, tentatively at first, and then fiercely and passionately, in a way that lit me on fire for him. When we pulled apart, I was crying, and Lo'ak's blissful look turned to concern instantly.

"What is it, Yawne?"

I shook my head as he held me, and wiped away the tears.

"I feel... fortunate," I replied truthfully. "I feel grateful for you."

He kissed beneath each of my eyes, and then my nose, and then held me to his chest.

"I am the fortunate one."

We would argue about who was more fortunate later - and for the rest of our lives.

#lo'ak #neteyam #lo'ak x reader #neteyam x reader #avatar 2

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sepublic · 2 years ago

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Anyhow there’s something indescribably sad to the Collector trying to reach out to Belos, of all people, and give him some compassion. Not just for what follows right afterwards, but also...

Part of their arc really is the age-old realization of how life isn’t perfect. Not just with existence and permanence of death, but also in that loss of innocence when you want to believe that you can save and befriend everyone. That nobody is too far gone, that everybody can be happy together!

The Collector has known Philip for centuries; He’s one of his longest relationships, and for Philip, the Collector IS his longest interaction, by a long shot. The Collector has been privy to so many of Philip’s secrets, by proxy of being a source for arcane knowledge, so they know all about the Grimwalkers and his human identity.

They’ve picked up on Philip’s loneliness, his insecurities; Even asking Philip about his anxieties over returning home. They weren’t wrong about any of these things! For centuries, the Collector reassured himself that the two of them were friends, and I wonder if a recognition in their similarities helped fuel this conception for the kid. Made them feel less lonely.

In the end, I kind of get the idea that the Collector cared for Philip, despite it all; Or at least was inspired enough by Luz to give her idea a shot, because if it worked on them, why not Philip? Who is just like them, because Belos thrives on making these comparisons between himself and others to manipulate them! And sure he was mean and a liar, but the Collector misunderstood King to be that, and was wrong! If they just needed help, then Philip...?

And that gets me back to the Collector’s scared and disappointed question, one he’s repeated all his life; What did he do wrong? What did he do wrong, for Belos to not reciprocate, to lash out? They don’t want to hold malice, they just want to get along... It ties back to this idea of kids and even adults kind of seeing themselves as the heroes of their story, there’s a responsibility for them to save others. And if they don’t accept help, then it’s the fault of the person who reached out for not trying hard enough.

It’s the devastating heartbreak that came to Hunter, to any kid who’s had an older, conservative relative who refused to change their mind. Refused to listen, despite all of the compassion in the world. And the grief that some people won’t get better, won’t get happier. And in the end, as Luz recognizes, you just have to admit that it’s up to those people to do so. It’s only your responsibility to a certain degree.

That’s part of Luz letting go of her Hero complex, whereas Belos never gives up on being a Savior, in trying to convert people like Caleb at any cost. Luz reiterates to the Collector that they didn’t do anything wrong, and King’s dad reminds her as well; Luz forgives herself for not being able to do enough, both for being a child who shouldn’t bear the weight of the world on her shoulders, and also for just being a single, flawed person. It isn’t her fault, there isn’t something secretly wrong about Luz for failing to save Belos. You can only give so much support. And after everything he’s done...

Well. There’s nothing wrong about Luz hating Belos, wanting him to die when he pleads for mercy, feebly tries to appeal to “peace” as if he’s ever considered that, spat and killed at every attempt for it by Caleb, his Grimwalkers, the Collector, his followers, Luz; Every kind person he’s met in the isles.

As King’s dad reminds her, fighting the bad guy doesn’t necessarily make you equally evil, because sometimes you HAVE to fight, in self-defense, because those people won’t quit. It’s not required for victims to forgive, nor should they try to appeal to ‘moral sensibilities’ by being palatable in how they retaliate against an oppressor. Anger IS okay and justified, and you shouldn’t feel guilty and be expected to always take the moral high ground.

For a kid like the Collector or even Luz, it’s a heartbreaking epiphany; Not everyone can be happy, no matter how hard you try. As King’s dad notes, you CAN’T control everyone and everything. But eventually, they learn to let go of those toxic people and that obsession; Accept and make the most of that, and find relief in this lesson. The show never admonishes compassion, even if it won’t always be enough; Look at Gus, whose arc involves realizing that while people may take his compassion for granted and even manipulate it, it’s not foolish and eventually there will be those who reciprocate. Kindness does pay off in the long run!

#the owl house #the owl house collector #philip wittebane #emperor belos #luz noceda #meta

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oneatlatime · 1 year ago

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Journey to Ba Sing Se, Part 1: The Serpent's Pass

Alternate title: Gimme Appa Back, Take Two.

Bit of a mouthful for a title. I will definitely be watching this apparent two parter as two single episodes. There's commentary too, but that'll wait for a rewatch.

The previously on segment seems to point to Suki making an appearance. I didn't like her in her original episode, so this bodes ill.

That was incredibly ominous title card music.

Explain this to someone who's never seen the show. Also, air mattress made of ice is a very efficient way to get hypothermia.

Sokka saying "no more distractions' actually summoned a distraction. He should look into harnessing that power.

This brings up a point I've been thinking about. So the Earth Kingdom are smart enough to house refugee transportation underground, presumably because they've figured out that fire can't dig. So why didn't the entire population of the Earth Kingdom just become mole people at the first sign of fire nation attack?

Get yourself Iroh's brand of chill. It's dearly bought in his case, but he has such a good way of looking at life. Also, half of Zuko's face is like an inch higher than the other half, and that haircut is not doing him any favours.

Oh god it's fuckboy. I'd take a million Sukis over fuckboy. Nice to see that the majority of his posse seems to have come to their senses and deserted him though.

CABBAGE GUY!!! HI CABBAGE GUY!!! I MISSED YOU!!!

She's got a point about destruction of the ecosystem, but unless there was woodworm in that cart, that platypus bear is guilty of needless destruction of cabbage guy's possessions.

I loved this. The double punch of getting stymied by bureaucracy and undermined by cosplayers. There are some wacky ideas in this episode.

Aang! You may have lost Appa but you still have your glider! You don't need a passport or a ticket! Just fly to Ba Sing Se and make puppy dog eyes at the Earth King to make him send a boat to collect your friends!

You know that part in Harry Potter where Ron and Harry miss the train and decide the only logical course of action is to steal a flying car rather than, I don't know, wait for a responsible adult? I have a feeling this show is going to do the same type of thing with the whole Serpent's Pass. And I have to say, it's a brilliantly accurate way to do a plot that involves pre-teens, because they will often reach for the most out-there, illogical course of action no matter their intelligence. Curse those still-developing neural pathways. It also makes perfect sense in a kids' show, where the audience mostly wouldn't be caught dead turning down an adventure in favour of asking a responsible party (or a bureaucracy) for help.

"It is your pleasure" Get wrecked bitch!

I love seeing Toph weaponise that which previously kept her caged. I love to see Toph winning at life. Actually, I love to see Toph.

Get yourself some friends who'll commit to the bit no questions asked like these guys.

Get yourself a man who says your name the way Sokka says SUKI!!!:D Get yourself a girl who's so into you, she'll flirt with you in front of your entire found family.

Momo knows what's up. He's a good judge of character.

It's rare for me to advocate for criminal behaviour on this show, but after that bureaucracy lady denied them any sort of solution for the refugees who got their tickets stolen, I was kind of hoping that Katara would just say 'fuck it' and steal one of those ferries. Or even smuggle people on to them. They've got two waterbenders; they could make ice boats to take them out to the ferry, or even across the whole lake presumably. Plot dictates they go face this serpent thing, because this appears to be a monster of the week episode, but boy did that ferry lady need smacking.

Sokka's acting funky.

Is corniness one of the side effects of pregnancy?

No one in their right minds thinks that a pass called "the SERPENT'S Pass" in a universe like this one is named for its aesthetic qualities. Nice try at misdirection, but there will be a Sneky Boy in that water.

Aang's kind of right about the whole 'hope is a distraction' thing. Hope can too easily go from fuel to crutch.

It didn't occur to anyone to hide from the Fire Nation ship until it passed?

Toph's just saving everyone's bacon today huh?

Am I sensing some post-Yue trauma?

I would love to know the context behind Zuko knowing this very niche skill.

Jet has this fascinating ability to do objectively good deeds in such a sleezy way that you end up siding with the greedy oppressors. Weird.

This makes so much sense. Aang zipped into the Avatar State so hard and fast in the desert that he probably scared himself, so now he's keeping a lid on things so hard that he's scaring everyone else with his newfound apathy. He's 12, and this episode he feels 12. This is probably the first time he's met emotions this big; of course he doesn't quite know what to do with them.

You know, Katara doesn't get paid enough to put up with this.

Suki. Honey. I'm pretty sure there's a girl code about not flirting with a guy in front of his ex.

Has Suki been filled in on the whole moon thing? Or is she just really confused right now?

You know, Smellerbee is just as unusual a name for a girl.

Jet talks the talk, but I don't believe he'll be able to walk the walk, despite second chances being one of the big themes of this show. Something about him still feels off.

Hope you guys can swim!

Katara to the rescue again. I'm liking this new level-headed action-oriented Katara that appeared in The Desert, and I'm glad she wasn't just a one-episode character.

Momo here fulfilling one of my childhood dreams. There was an aquarium room at my local zoo that had a tunnel you could walk through. Seven year old me would have sold my soul to be able to glorp through the glass and swim with the fishes like this.

Once again, Toph saves the day. She's doing a lot of heavy lifting this episode.

Big Sneky Boy has the colour palette of an exercise video from the 80s aerobics phase. Kind of detracts from the terror when he's wearing a leotard.

Number one sign of irresponsible pet ownership: sacrificing your lemur to Cthulhu.

Aang just bitchslapped Big Sneky Boy.

Why didn't they go with a big ice bridge in the first place?

Yeah that's a problem. Could she make rock skate blades and attach them to her feet maybe? Would that help her see?

Guys. Just. Send someone out there for her. The ice doesn't have handrails. Come on.

Suki can swim in like half a tonne of armour. I bet they have swimming with armour on drills on Kyoshi Island.

"You can go ahead and let me drown now." That is EXACTLY my sense of humour.

Unlike goldfish, Big Sneky Boys can be flushed down the toilet.

"Now it's nothing but smooth sailing to Ba Sing Se." *Something immediately goes wrong* Has Sokka thought about harnessing his ability to speak things into existence?

Tragically, it makes perfect sense that Katara knows exactly how to deliver real human things.

"You know, as soon as I saw your scar I knew exactly who you were." Jet's little speech here got the biggest laugh out of me yet. I had to pause so I wouldn't miss dialogue. He's so deliciously wrong.

This episode's Beat Up Sokka quota is fulfilled by a baby that has yet to be born.

"I want our daughter's name to be unique" TAKE COVER FOLKS! UNNECESSARY VOWELS INCOMING!

Didn't you guys just nearly get killled by a pass that told you to abandon Hope? Are you sure about that name?

Ok it isn't pregnancy that makes you corny. It's being a character in this episode. While I'm glad to see the back of Stoic Aang, this is getting to be a bit on the cheesy side.

Hell yeah Katara deserves that cry. And that hug.

I'm watching this at my mom's house and I need to report that when Sokka said "You came along, to protect me?" my mom audibly went "awww!"

On a more serious note, this is exactly what Sokka needs after the Yue situation. A badass girlfriend who not only can and does take care of herself, but who also can and does take care of Sokka. Boy needs some pampering.

That is one hell of a wall.

That is one hell of a Big Sneky Boy.

"Appa's gonna have to wait" hit like a tonne of bricks. Another step in the journey to turn Aang from carefree monk to repsonsible Avatar. Appa having to wait is a genius story beat, but I want Appa NOW.

Final Thoughts

I had to check out my window for flying pigs before I started typing this section, because Zuko was consistently the most reasonable character in the B plot, perhaps in the whole episode. Apparently the 'make Zuko decent' project is finally seeing results. Have we turned over a new leaf? Dare I hope? It helps that he was juxtaposed with one of the single most batshit crazy characters from season one, but still.

I also need to issue a formal apology to Suki and all of her fans. I didn't like her in The Warriors of Kyoshi, and while I'm still not overly fond of that episode, I love what they've done with her character here. A good standalone character with her own strengths, goals, and responsibilities, and a good match for Sokka. I'd go so far as to say she's a better match for Sokka than Yue was, for all that both ladies have a startling amount in common: a position of responsibility, devotion to those who regard them as a leader, good taste in water tribe ass, etc.

I'm also going to hypothesise that Sokka is, in universe, the hottest member of the Gang. He's now had four girls expressing their interest: Suki, then Yue, then Azula's pokey pink friend whose name currently escapes me, and now Toph too! And she can't even see him, so his hotness is more than skin deep.

This episode was another stealth character episode in the style of The Blue Spirit. You think it's an action episode but it's actually character work with some fights for spice. It's got: -payoff for Katara's new-found levelheadedness -the other side of the coin on Aang's desert freakout -Toph doing just ALL the heavy lifting in the absence of Appa (seriously, teach her to fly and you won't need Appa as anything but a friendly couch) -Toph also getting an incredibly logical weakness that she learns she can rely on her friends to surmount -Sokka getting some Yue resolution from a frankly ironic source -Zuko getting what I'm sure is going to turn into a dark mirror

Speaking of fuckboy, there was nothing in this episode that hinted that Jet's turn to good was anything but genuine, but something about him still really makes my teeth itch. So I'm calling it now: based not on any evidence, but entirely on my own feelings, Jet's turn to good isn't going to stick.

There was some corny stuff in this episode, but it's a kids' show. It gets way more allowance for corny than an adult show does. I'll let it slide, so long as it doesn't become a habit.

This was part one of a two part episode, but it certainly didn't feel that way. There was the Big Metal Sneky Boy plot hook at the very end, but other than that it was a self-contained story.

I had predicted last episode that the rest of season two would be spent getting to Ba Sing Se, and they did it in one episode. So I'd like to announce my retirement from predicting the future because I am not good at it. I have no idea where we're going beyond next episode. I guess I'll have fun finding out!

#atla #avatar: the last airbender #avatar the last airbender #the serpent's pass

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archivalofsins · 5 months ago

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The thing I love about Milgram is you can easily start to see how responsibility is viewed across cultures through how the prisoners are discussed. This is something brought up through the text through the pairing of Kazui and Amane along with the gap between their ages.

Something the series itself goes out of its way to point out from the beginning.

Q.06 What would you say is the difference between adults and children?

Kazui: Responsibility. Adults can’t just do whatever they want.

Amane: I don’t think there’s a strict boundary. There are adults who act like children just as there are children who are mature like adults.

Through putting their answers to this question together, we can discern a focal point of the story overall. Before it's brought to the forefront by Jackalope.

Responsibility. What it is, what taking it looks like, and who should have to take it.

These answer together to me read as.

Adults have to take responsibility for themselves. Ergo adults do not have the same freedoms or room for error/growth as they did when they were children. However, there is really no difference between people within these age groups as a child can be treated as an adult (adultification) and an adult can be treated like a child (infantilization). Children can behave in ways typically considered adult, while adults can exhibit behavior viewed as childish.

We see Amane's answer reflected in the ways,

Mu: Uses childish language, shifts blame/refuses to take accountability for herself, throws tantrums or pouting fits, spends a good chunk of her first voice drama crying and states she wants her parents.

Futa: Lashes out first to try to dissuade others and give himself a feeling of control over the situation, complain in nauseum, picky eater but critiques others eating habits.

Shidou: Picky eater but discusses the eating habits of others, poor communicator, uncompromising likely to keep trying the same method without changing it- This ties into why he asked to be guilty and his desire to have someone else put an end to him. Unlikely to change his pattern of behavior even if it's shown to be unbeneficial to himself and those around him. As shown through his crime. Stubbornly asserts he knows best anyway even when faced with someone who has seniority.

Such as Kazui. Shown on Amane's birthday after the attacks where he doubles down stating he knows he has other priorities. Kazui even verbalizes that Shidou is pouting when he tells him not to look at him like that.

22/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Kazui: What’s up, Shidou-kun? You’re looking pretty down. I guess you must be tired, I’ve been relying on you a lot lately.

Shidou: Yeah, I just remembered…… today is Amane’s birthday. I’m just getting a bit sentimental.

Kazui: Hmm, it’s unfortunate, but at the moment we can’t worry about that. ……you understand, right? There’s something that you need to do right now. And if you tried talking to her your words definitely won’t reach her. Don’t look at me like that. We’ll just wait until the situation changes. Let’s do our best.

Shidou: Yeah. I’ll do what I can. I can’t have a child making a face like that. Even though we’re “murderers”…… we’re also the adults here.

In stark contrast to Yuno's response to Mu's birthday where Yuno properly prioritizes the dire state the prison is in over celebrating and asks Mu to do the same.

22/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: Hey~~~ Isn’t everyone a bit gloomy lately? I get that this situation isn’t ideal, but you’re really bringing down the mood for my birthday.

Yuno: Haha, surely even you can tell now’s not really the time for something like that right. Nobody’s really in the mood, or rather nobody has time time to deal with something like that.

Mu: Boo, how boring. You seem to be free, you can celebrate for me. Go on, celebrate.

Yuno: Wow, what a pain. I’m reading the atmosphere properly and keeping quiet. Well, you just go and have fun with Haruka. In the corner somewhere so you’re out of everyone’s way.

Yet Shidou despite Kazui's explanation still emphasizes how they as adults shouldn't be letting this situation cause a child to make such an expression, or be unhappy.

Mikoto: Using childish language, whines/throws tantrums when met with opposition or when not given the treatment he believes he deserves, shifts blame/accountability onto other parties, inclined to woe is me behavior even when there are others going through the exact same situation as him.

I won’t forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right./ Come to know me as an honest man, eat your words, gulp them down.

Oh also is noted in the text to tantrum by lashing out violently and breaking things when situations don't go his way.

Mikoto : AAAHHHHHHHHHH!! DESTROY EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING!!

Mikoto: [scream] You’re all fucking annoying! I’ll beat you all to death, pieces of shit!!!

It's through all these ways that the Milgram cast supports Amane's initial answer of there being children who act like adults and adults who act like children.

Such is the case with Yuno in comparison to her senior Shidou when it came to prioritizing the severity of the situation they were in over a birthday.

This mindset of Shidou's ends up greatly impacting how he engages with Amane.

At a glance it can appear that he is only projecting how he treated his own family and the children within it onto Amane. Yet it may not only be that. Shidou may in fact be projecting how he wished to be treated as a child on Amane as he may have done with his own children. As this is something that people can end up doing to their kids once having them. Trying to vicariously live out the childhood they didn't have through their kids.

Simply put, he may just really like pancakes, and none of his kids ever really did. I mean, they aren't making pancakes when the wife's there. I'm just saying.

In a lot of ways Shidou could be considered an adult version of Amane.

As he projects on others how he would want to be treated in contrast to how he did get treated. Something that Amane does a great deal as well.

This is something we see her do in her first voice drama when it comes to her reaction to Es' tardiness. Along with the way she attempts dictate her religious beliefs now that she is free of her parents input.

"Okay! I'm kind, so I shall forgive you. That's nice, isn't it? If my parents were in my place, you would have been lectured for another hour."

Amane's stated desires during trial two contrast with the implication of how she was taught in Magic and Purge March. As she was shown very little lenience or acceptance yet says she wants to alleviate the pain and confusion the guilty prisoners were facing.

Her definition of love also conflicts with how her upbringing was portrayed in both of her music videos,

Q.09 What is love to you?

Kazui: Being able to be as you are, and having that accepted.

Amane: All-encompassing, eternal affection.

Though her answer still aligns with the sort of love she states she wanted in Magic. A forgiving love where her apologies were accepted and she was given space to grow/become better. A love where her capacity to develop was recognized along with the fact that growth came through trial and error.

"Will you laugh with me and forgive me? I promise! I can only become a better girl!" - "Even I can say "I'm sorry". Even I have hope I swear! I'm going to be a good girl now! That's it!"

This also plays into Es' assertion that Amane actually did want to be treated like a child in her second trial interrogation.

This web of responsibility all spirals back on the audience and Es. A lot of fans of Milgram have blamed a lot of their actions on the series, the way it progressed, how others talked about it. The blame shifting transcending the work to become and endless bout of finger pointing with no end. Despite from the beginning Milgram through Jackalope blatantly stating,

"Yeah. Milgram leaves how it’s administered up to you. Whether you wanna make it heaven or hell, that’s your call."

Milgram has and always will be what the fans make of it, whether the audience enjoys the series, learns anything from it, or continues engaging with it is fully up to that audience member alone. Just as the ways we engage with it are up to our personal discretion as well.

In this game the audience has the power to vote based on whatever biases they may hold. Yet, with choice comes culpability.

"You can even make a decision on whether you like them or not… just be careful of the consequences, that's not my responsibility."

It's okay to like or dislike but when it's time to reap the consequences who will really be ready to eat what they've grown?

Well, it's not like it's my responsibility to answer that. That's something only time can tell.

#milgram #long post

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lunehong · 1 year ago

Text

Tethered

college student! Jongho X college student! fem oc

Soulmate AU, just cuteness and fluff

warnings : mentions of anxiety, illness, pregnancy.

word count : 6.9k

synopsis : what happens when your soulmate bond is finally activated but it doesn't fall under any of the existing types? Jongho and Yunhee try to establish their connection with no clue and minimal examples to follow. Would they succeed in meeting each other and seal the bond or would they fall gradually ill?

a/n : okay so my first ever oneshot, and I'm glad I could write one for our baby bear jjong cuz there aren't many jongho fics on here PLUS I miss him so much :(( I hope he's recovering well and also his birthday is coming up next month! feedback is always appreciated!

----- A reblog would mean the world to me <33 ------

Yesterday was Yunhee’s 18th birthday, which meant that she was finally an adult according to society’s standards. It also meant that she could watch netflix shows that were adult rated without feeling guilty about her age and of course, call chronically online minors out on their behaviour as someone who’d automatically be deemed more mature and responsible.

However, this also entailed that her soulmate bond was activated.

Yunhee did feel a tingly sensation and the butterflies in her stomach like the others said she would, but after that everything went back to normal. No tattoos were etched onto her body, nor did she see a flash of her soulmate’s face in her mind and there was no response when she thought of a bunch of things to test if they had telepathy.

She really didn’t know what went wrong but it made her anxious. Also the fact that she had no way of knowing if something happened to her soulmate, as their soulmate bond was still unidentified.

“You should really calm down, Yunhee.” said Minha, her best friend of 7 years.

“What if I don’t find him soon enough? We have to meet each other as soon as possible after our soulmate bond has been activated or else we’d both gradually fall ill! Don’t you remember what happened to Nina and her boyfriend?” Yunhee muttered anxiously.

“It has only been a day! I don’t understand why you’re panicking so much. Give it a week and if there’s still nothing after that, then we can panic.” She concluded.

Taking her best friend’s advice, Yunhee decided to leave the matters into her soulmate’s hands, thinking if she was frantically trying out different confirmation methods, it was safe to assume that he was also doing the same.

“Dude, I’m telling you, your soulmate bond is telepathy! There isn’t any other type that matches!” Wooyoung exclaimed, while flailing his hands around to prove his point.

“But I haven’t heard anything from my soulmate so far! Nor do I know if the things I thought reached her!” Jongho yelled back.

“Okay… Well, try again later! Don’t give up on this, because I’m a hundred percent sure it’s telepathy of some sort even if it isn’t the common one.” Wooyoung got up to leave.

“How are you so sure? Are you a soulmate specialist or something?” Jongho scoffed at him.

Wooyoung smiled at that. “Remember how my soulmate bond was telepathy?” Jongho nodded, “I never told anyone this but, mine wasn’t your typical telepathy… It was one-sided.”

“What? No way!” Jongho stared at him in disbelief.

“Yes, our bond was such that I couldn’t hear anything from her but she could hear everything I thought about. I was ready to give up when I got this idea and decided to give it a last shot.” Wooyoung continued.

“What did you do?” Jongho asked.

“I sat down and started revealing my full name, my social media handles, my address and other details in my head, so if there really was anyone listening they’d know how to find me. She showed up on my doorstep with my favourite snacks not long after. The rest is history.” Wooyoung grinned while recalling the memory.

“How the hell did we not know this before? It’s literally a story worth telling!”

“Yes, I’m aware but the topic never came up and I can’t just randomly reveal that my soulmate bond was flawed you know?” Wooyoung tried to reason with Jongho.

“Okay, fine I got it. I’ll try thinking of different things and hope it’ll reach my soulmate somehow” Jongho sighed, giving in.

“That’s the spirit! Let me and the other guys know if you feel anything and I’ll see you later. Bye!”

Jongho headed to bed early that day, feeling exhausted. As he was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, an idea came to him. ‘What if I focus on one topic to think about instead of multiple things at once? It might be a more organised approach and less strenuous for my brain.’

So he sat up and started consciously thinking about one topic, but phrased them in various ways.

‘What is your name?’ He waited a bit but there wasn’t a response.

“At least I know this won't work,” he said out loud.

‘Can you tell me your name?’

No response.

“Okay, that’s crossed out too then. How else can I phrase it…”

If anyone saw him then, they’d think he had gone mad by the way he was talking to himself.

‘Could you speak your name?’

‘Could you spell your name?’

‘Could you trace your name on your hand?’

Jongho tried phrasing it as many ways as he could, even if some sounded ridiculous.

‘Telleth me thy name.’

He paused before laughing at himself.

“So, Shakespearean English is crossed out too it seems.”

When he ran out of all the ‘tell’, ‘spell’, ‘speak’ and ‘think’ questions he took a different route.

‘Can you write your name?’

No response.

Jongho yawned, feeling sleepy. Lying back down on the bed, he tried thinking of a few more sentences before deciding to continue again the next day.

‘Could you write your name on paper?’

No response.

“Okay, then” he said.

‘Write your name down on paper for me please?’

He paused, just about to fall asleep.

That was when the most unexpected thing happened to him.

Yunhee was tossing and turning in bed, unable to fall asleep. She had just finished her college assignment, due the next day and all the stress she took for it made her extremely tired.

Assuming sleep would come easy to her, she finished her nighttime routine and headed to bed. But alas, sleep was nowhere to be found. It was one of those days where her body was tired but her mind was wide awake and she despised when that happened because it meant that she would not be able to fall asleep anytime soon.

She started counting sheep in her head as a last resort.

When she was on her 29th sheep, Yunhee heard something resonate in her head. The first noise sounded like an incoherent crackle and she almost dismissed it as her mind playing tricks, when she clearly heard a soothing male voice telling her to write her name on paper.

She sat up on her bed abruptly and tried to reach out to the guy, but to no avail. Her heart was beating very fast at the prospect of finally receiving a telepathic message. She was able to hear her soulmate’s voice and it was a feeling like no other.

After waiting a bit, she decided to do what the voice told her to: write her name on paper.

Yunhee got up, retrieving her notebook and a pen from the desk. Sitting back down on the bed once again, she opened the notebook to an empty page and scribbled her name on it. She also wrote “What is your name?” underneath.

She waited for a bit in case another message came through but there were no other responses.

Yunhee was completely unable to sleep that night.

Jongho couldn’t believe what he just saw. It was like a flash that only lasted for a few seconds, but he saw a vision through someone else’s eyes. He saw a hand pick up a light blue notebook with the words “hakuna matata” written in a corner with golden ink. The hand also picked up a pen and wrote down something in the notebook. What it wrote, Jongho couldn’t make out because the writing became hazy and blurry. He could only read out ‘Park’ and the writing underneath that said ‘what is your name?’.

He was sure the person wrote her name down but he could only read her surname.

Jongho felt something unexplainable in his gut. He was finally able to reach his soulmate, even though he couldn’t see her name. Thinking about the vision brought out a sense of longing inside him. He wanted to see more, feel more and know more about her, but he didn’t yet know how.

‘At least this is progress’ he thought. ‘I need to tell the others about this and figure out what I should do next.’

The doorbell rang but the sound went unheard by the group of guys inside the apartment. The person standing outside got impatient after a while, and had to bang on the door to gain everyone’s attention.

“Geez, Hongjoong-hyung why are you banging on the door like that? The bell exists for a reason.” Wooyoung tsked while opening the door for him.

“I rang the bell like 10 times already! None of you brats could hear it over the noise pollution! I swear y’all can be heard from down the hallway!” Hongjoong yelled at him.

“Cut us some slack though, Hongjoong. We met up after almost a month!” Seonghwa reasoned with him.

The seven guys excluding Jongho made themselves comfortable in Jongho’s living room, catching up with each other. Meanwhile, the resident of the apartment arranged some refreshments for the eight of them, bringing them over to the living area before plopping down between Yeosang and Mingi.

“So let’s come to the reason why I called you guys here–”

“You called us for a reason!?” San fake gasped.

“You wouldn’t have invited us if you didn’t have a use for us!?” Yunho butted in.

“Guys let the poor boy speak! I can kinda guess what it’s about.” Wooyoung tried to defend Jongho.

“Yes, thank you Wooyoung-hyung. The reason why I called you here is because I was able to contact my soulmate yesterday and I still don’t know what type of bond this is.”

At the revelation, everyone started yelling over each other and asking questions, of which Jongho was unable to decipher a single sentence.

The seven looked like a bunch of chattering baby birds that wanted food from its mother. He sighed and shook his head, thinking how the people in front of him were supposed to be older in age.

“Guys, one at a time!” he yelled.

“Okay, so it’s telepathy right?” Wooyoung asked.

“Yes and no.” Jongho paused to sort out what he wanted to say, “It’s telepathy, yes, because I consciously thought of something and it went through. But, only one kind of conscious thought out of all the other ones I tried to send, elicited a response.”

“That’s…weird?” Hongjoong muttered.

“And not just that, hyung. The response I received was in the form of a glimpse, showing me a vision through my soulmate’s eyes!”

“What?” exclaimed Mingi.

“So, it’s not just telepathy, it’s specific and supposedly one sided, while you receive sporadic glimpses through your soulmate’s eyes. That’s a very odd combination.” Wooyoung said, in deep thought.

“This is more complicated than yours was, hyung.” Jongho muttered.

“What do you mean?” Yeosang questioned, being able to hear what he said.

Jongho proceeded to tell them all the details regarding what he thought and what he saw in the glimpse, meanwhile not forgetting to expose Wooyoung and how he hid such crucial information about his own experience. The rest reprimanded Wooyoung for it, making him sulk, but they also collectively tried to figure out exactly how the bond worked.

“What happened!” Minha burst into Yunhee’s place, panting like she just ran a marathon.

“Why hello there best friend, why do you look as if you got chased by a dog?” Hayoon, their other best friend, asked sarcastically.

“Dude? I came here as fast as I could! I got Yunhee’s text a while ago that said ‘EMERGENCY’ in all caps! I thought some code blue shit happened to her!” Minha exclaimed.

“Wow, and I thought the text I received was bad… she sent, ‘come over, I have something to say’ that made me rush here because I thought she was pregnant or something, which would’ve been really bad considering her soulmate bond just activated.” Hayoon laughed.

At that very moment, Yunhee walked in with tubs of ice cream, suddenly feeling like she entered a lion’s den. The two girls yelled at her for being so dramatic over nothing but calmed down once she handed them their favourite ice cream.

“So, the reason I sent those ‘dramatic’ texts as you two so eloquently put it, is because I got contacted by my soulmate and I freaked out.” Yunhee revealed while rolling her eyes.

“What?” Minha yelled.

“When? How?” Hayoon followed.

“At night yesterday! I was trying to sleep after finishing the assignment and that’s when I heard his voice in my head telling me to write my name on paper. I don’t know why that was so specific but yeah I did as he said.”

“Did you hear anything in return?” Hayoon inquired.

“No, unfortunately. That was the only thing that came through.” Yunhee sulked.

“But hey! You got contacted by your soulmate! So we are sure that nothing happened to him and he’s probably trying to figure out how the bond works as well right?” Minha tried to cheer her up like the mom she was, unable to see her kid sad.

“Yeah, that’s true. I hope he figures it out though because I’m at a dead end here.”

“I’m sure he’ll figure it out! We currently have nothing to do but trust him and cheer him on. So don’t stress too much, Yuns. Stay alert and just wait for him to make the connection again.” Hayoon exclaimed, in a cheery voice.

“Exactly! Let’s trust him on this one and we can think more about it when he manages to contact you again. Meanwhile, tell us how he sounded! What did you feel?” Minha shook Yunhee in excitement.

So, the three girls spent the rest of their time discussing the interaction and other’s soulmate experiences while they enjoyed their ice cream.

Jongho recalled the conversation that he had with the guys earlier, who managed to come up with a few hypothetical situations for him to experiment.

He sat down on his desk with a notebook before him, taking notes like he would for a science class. The guys did have a few different ideas but Hongjoong’s idea made the most sense to Jongho.

Hongjoong proposed that the message that went through was a command rather than a suggestion or a question. And what Jongho received as a glimpse was the completion of said task that got sent as a command.

So what Jongho had to do was make his soulmate do tasks for him and if it worked out every time, then eventually find a way for them to meet face to face.

He relaxed himself and thought of a task for her to do.

“Okay, so I know that I’d probably not be able to know her name or see what she looks like through the bond so I can’t ask anything related to that.” He spoke out loud.

After thinking for a while, Jongho got an idea. He decided to send his soulmate to her favourite cafe and order her favourite drink. In this way he’ll be able to figure out which cafe she frequented and what drink she liked as well.

‘Go to your favourite cafe and order your favourite drink first thing in the morning.’ He thought, hoping that his soulmate heard it.

“Did it sound too rude? But I can’t send anything other than a command and commands don’t particularly sound nice though.” He spoke to himself again while scratching his head.

Before he could overthink more, Jongho wrote down what he said and headed to bed as he had classes to attend the next day.

Taking a last minute impulsive decision, Minha and Hayoon chose to stay the night at Yunhee’s house. The three slept over at each other’s places quite often, making it a regular occurrence in their lives. Yunhee let her mother know about it and she told her to grab the extra mattress that they had for such occasions.

While she was dragging the mattress to her room, she heard a crackle resonate in her mind like the last time. Yunhee dropped the mattress, focusing intently to see if her soulmate’s voice came through.

Minha was walking back with a glass of water when she spotted her by the living room standing as if she saw a ghost while the mattress was abandoned on the floor.

“Yuns, what happened–”

“Shush! I think I’m getting another message.” Yunhee quickly cut her off.

Indeed, the soothing voice she heard the first time spoke to her again, making the darn butterflies in her stomach return to torment her. She unconsciously smiled, the emotions that hearing her soulmate’s voice evoked in her being all very new.

Minha stared at her from the side, relating with the lovesick look on her friend’s face all too well.

“Go to your favourite cafe… and order your favourite drink first thing in the morning?” Yunhee repeated what her soulmate said to her out loud. She looked at Minha, tilting her head in obvious confusion.

“That’s what he said?” Minha looked equally perplexed.

“What is taking you two so long– why are y’all standing there with the mattress on the floor?” Hayoon came out of her room to check on the two.

Minha told her what happened while they dragged the mattress to Yunhee’s room. They sat down to think why her soulmate would send in yet another oddly specific message asking her to do something.

“You know what I think?” Hayoon said in a serious tone, unlike her usual carefree demeanour, “The only form of message he can send are the ones that tell Yunhee to do something. ‘Cause think about it! He probably already tried saying the common stuff like ‘what is your name’ or ‘where do you live’ like we telepathy types did, but in our case all the things we tried to send went through.”

Yunhee and Minha looked at each other for a few seconds before directing their attention back to Hayoon, who was raising her eyebrows at them.

“Wow dude, what’s up with you? You’re actually making sense today!” Yunhee exclaimed with fake enthusiasm while patting Hayoon on the shoulder, who rolled her eyes and pointed her middle finger towards Yunhee in return.

“Yeah! But Yoon’s right. Can’t relate though, ‘cause I was the tattoo type but she has a point. And I also think that he can somehow sense if you have done the given task or not or else he wouldn’t have any way of knowing if his messages are going through.” Minha added while laughing at Hayoon.

“I mean, the task is simple enough. I do visit cafe Aurora before heading to class anyway, so it won’t be anything out of the ordinary, I guess.” Yunhee muttered.

The three girls started their movie marathon, when Minha’s phone rang. It was a facetime call from her soulmate Changbin, who was also their childhood friend since middle school.

When Minha turned 18, which was three months back, she invited all her friends to attend the party, including Changbin. He was out of town that week so he couldn’t attend her birthday party.

The tattoo that appeared on Minha’s wrist was supposed to be the first thing her soulmate told her after it was activated, which said, “Happy birthday! Sorry I couldn’t make it, Min.”

Minha looked absolutely bewildered while Yunhee and Hayoon laughed at it like maniacs. She got teased by the other two the entire day, while she tried to appear nonchalant about it.

When they were younger, Minha never liked the concept of soulmates and always complained about the idea of getting paired up with a complete stranger for the rest of their lives as it seemed unnerving to her. But when she realised that her soulmate might be good old Changbin, she didn’t hate the idea anymore. It was true that Minha never saw him as anything more than a friend but he was an amazing guy and she did think he’d make a good partner.

At night she received a call from him and indeed, the first thing he said was “Happy birthday! Sorry I couldn’t make it, Min.”

Minha laughed and said, “Thanks, idiot.” when it dawned upon Changbin as well that his soulmate was none other than Minha.

They met up when Changbin returned (he basically scrambled to return as fast as he could) and made it official.

Among Yunhee’s friends, Minha and Changbin were probably the fastest soulmates to seal the bond which made a lot of them jealous because of how easy it was for them to find each other.

Back to the present, Changbin facetimed Minha who received the call.

“Hey Min, are you staying over at Yunhee’s today?”

“Yep. Sudden decision.”

“Oh okay, have fun! And pass the phone to Yunhee please.” Changbin spoke.

Yunhee peeked from the back and waved at him.

“You! What were you thinking when you sent a text like that, dumbass? Who sends ‘EMERGENCY’ and dips without explaining what happened?” He exclaimed.

“Ugh, okay fine sorry. I won’t send texts like that again. I got nagged enough by these two, I don’t need you to add anything to it, Binnie.” Yunhee whined.

“At least you’re fine and dandy so I’ll spare your ass today. How's the soulmate situation going?”

They told him everything that happened and gossiped with him for a few more minutes before hanging up.

Yunhee left to talk to her parents about something, only to come back to the room with her brows furrowed at the screen of her phone.

“Uh, Yoonie? Why is Eric texting me saying if I decided to keep the baby or not, and if I did he’ll help me convince my soulmate to keep it too?”

At this, Hayoon and Minha looked at each other, before they burst out laughing. Yunhee was still looking at them in bewilderment but the two were not being able to stop.

After two minutes of them laughing without break and Yunhee standing like the clown that she was, they finally stopped.

“Remember the text that you sent me? I showed it to Eric and he was the one who said ‘why does she sound like she’s going to announce her pregnancy or something’ and we realised that it could be a possibility, because dude, everyone knows that you write paragraphs when you text. So, such a thing was not to be taken lightly.” Hayoon shrugged.

At this Yunhee threw a pillow at her, yelling how her love life was as barren as the Sahara desert (because she couldn’t fall for anyone else when the thought of having a soulmate later in life hit her) and how she and her soulmate shared the same braincell.

“Come on! At least he’s supportive!” Hayoon defended Eric.

“Yeah yeah, I can see that. Let me call him and explain the whole thing, or else he’ll start preparing to be an uncle.”

Eric was Hayoon’s soulmate that she met 3 weeks after her 18th birthday. They were the telepathy type, being able to contact each other almost immediately after the soulmate bond was activated.

The two had a few bumps on the road, as Eric wasn’t cooperative in the beginning. The reason being that he liked this other girl and he couldn’t accept the fact that his soulmate was someone else. But the said girl found her soulmate a week after, which finally pushed Eric to move on and seek his own soulmate.

Minha and Yunhee didn’t like him, as he made their best friend suffer and put her at risk of getting ill due to the unsealed bond, but he redeemed himself eventually. Now they were a pretty wholesome couple.

After clearing the misunderstanding, they resumed the movie marathon, falling asleep in the midst of it.

Jongho didn’t feel like getting up. It was a cold winter morning, which made sleeping under the warmth of the duvet all the more enticing. But he had to wake up as he had an important class to attend that day.

He reached college early, so he was waiting inside the classroom when he saw it.

a glimpse of an awfully familiar cafe. He was able to hear her voice this time, when she spoke to order a regular hot mocha. A shiver ran down his body when he heard it, realising how sweet her voice sounded to him. Keeping his emotions at bay, he noticed two very familiar faces through the glimpse before it ended.

“Cafe Aurora, huh.” He smiled to himself. His soulmate was nearer to him than he thought.

As he entered through the door in a hurry to get away from the cold, Jongho noticed that the cafe was busier than usual. He figured that it was due to the freezing weather outside, while the cafe provided the warmth everyone including himself was seeking.

Upon reaching the front he spotted Soobin behind the cashier counter, taking orders like he usually does with a smile on his face. Beomgyu was in the middle calling out names and distributing drinks while San was at the back making them for the customers.

He eventually spotted Jongho and called another worker to take his place, so that he could go greet his friend.

“Jongho? Fancy seeing you here.” San spoke up in a playful tone.

“Why? Can’t I visit my dear hyung during his shift?” Jongho retaliated.

“No, of course you can but you usually don’t frequent this place. Remember when you told me it was far from your house and you already found another place to get your iced americano from?” San raised his eyebrows making Jongho avert his gaze.

“Okay, fine! You got me there. I came here to ask you something.” he pouted.

“Ei, don’t feel bad! I was teasing you! But do visit me more often from now okay? What did you want to ask?” San laughed while patting his back.

“So, I saw another glimpse this morning. I’ll tell you the details later but I think Hongjoong hyung’s theory worked. Can you tell me if you remember any girl, possibly a regular here, ordering hot mocha around 8 am?”

“I make the drinks dude, I wouldn’t know. Hey, Gyu? Can you come over for a sec?” San yelled.

Beomgyu, who finally got to breathe after distributing the drinks, clicked his tongue and walked over to where the two were standing.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Do you remember any regular female customer that came today around 8 am to order a hot mocha?” San asked him.

“Okay first of all, I have been distributing over hundreds of drinks, at least 30 of which were hot mochas. And if we are talking about 8 am then a lot of people came in to get their morning fix before college so I don’t think I can help you.” He paused.

“You could check the server but I doubt that would be of any help either, because a lot of female regular customers order hot mochas in the morning so…” Beomgyu shrugged.

“Okay thanks, Gyu. We’ll figure something out.” San sighed.

“Why? Did anyone take a drink without paying again?” Beomgyu inquired in a concerned voice.

“No, no. We’re trying to find Jongho’s soulmate.” San and Jongho laughed at Beomgyu’s expression.

“Oh, thank god. Good luck searching for her, bro.” Beomgyu gave Jongho a thumbs up before resuming his work.

San looked at Jongho, who was deep in thought.

“How’d you know she came to Aurora?”

“Oh, come on hyung, I’d recognise the interior anywhere! Plus, she gave her order to Soobin and you were at the back making drinks. I saw you two in the glimpse.” Jongho poked San in the shoulders, making him swat his hand away.

“Moreover, I think I found out how the bond works. So, I’ll increase contact and try to get her to meet me somehow.”

“That’s the spirit! I know you’ll succeed Jongho-yah.” San said with a proud look on his face.

He asked Jongho if he still wanted to order an iced americano in a weather like that, to which he said yes. San shook his head at the boy but proceeded to make him what he wanted, yelling how he wouldn’t take any responsibility if Jongho caught a cold later.

He just smiled and gestured at him to continue making the drink.

Two days have passed since Yunhee received the last message from her soulmate. She was trying not to think about it, distracting herself with other things but every now and then her mind would fleet to the honey-like voice which evoked an unexplainable sense of longing in her. She wanted to hear his voice again.

During breaks, the trio made a point to gather whenever their schedules coincided, to catch up and complain about college, even though it was just their freshman year.

Yunhee was walking towards their hangout spot with Hayoon when she felt like another message was coming through. She stopped walking and tapped Hayoon on the shoulder to do the same.

The now familiar voice reverberated in her head saying “Write the name of your favourite flower on your notebook.”

She stood there with a faraway look in her eyes, while the girl beside her extended and retracted her hand awkwardly, not knowing if she should shake her best friend or not.

Hayoon didn’t have to suffer in indecisiveness for long, as Minha approached them and did the job for her by back hugging Yunhee, bringing her out of her trance.

“Why are you two standing here? Let’s go.”

“Wait, Yunhee received another telepathic message. What is it bro?” Hayoon asked Yunhee.

“He asked me to write the name of my favourite flower. What is he up to?”

“It’s just flowers Yunhee, he probably wanted to know basic stuff like that so that he can be prepared when he finally meets you.” Minha reasoned.

“Okay let’s go sit, so that I can write it down.”

The three headed to their hangout place. As soon as Yunhee sat down, she reached for her bag to bring the notebook out. She opened it and wrote, ‘sunflowers, but pink roses are great too’ after much thought.

The other two teased her saying they already knew she was going to write sunflowers so she really didn’t have to ponder so much, but Yunhee disagreed by saying how she found all flowers pretty so it was hard for her to pick one.

The following day, Yunhee received another message that asked her to write yes in the notebook if she was available on the weekend and no if she wasn’t.

She ended up writing a ‘YES’ in capital letters on her notebook that probably covered the whole page, out of sheer excitement.

Jongho on the other hand received a glimpse of it, laughing at how adorable she was. It was as though he felt the excitement of his soulmate and that made him more eager and impatient to meet her.

Yunhee immediately informed Hayoon and Minha about it, who were equally thrilled for their best friend and promised to help her get ready for the occasion.

Weekend arrived faster than the two soulmates anticipated. Jongho made sure to send her a message saying “Go to cafe Aurora at 4pm” before he started preparing to meet her.

He got ready at three and sent a message to his group chat asking which flower he should pick between sunflowers and pink roses. Most of them suggested him to buy both and get them arranged in a nice bouquet.

What Jongho didn’t know, however, was that the seven were already camping at cafe Aurora (excluding San because it was his shift anyway) to watch the scene unfold.

Yunhee finally finished getting ready with the help of her two best friends. She opted for a classy but casual look: flared jeans, puffy sleeved black top, minimal pearl accessories and light makeup.

She kept stressing and overthinking about the entire situation like the worrywart she was. At first Minha and Hayoon were trying to reassure her and alleviate her concerns but after a while it became frustrating for them so they nagged her and threw her out of the house before it was too late.

Yunhee, although still anxious about the whole meeting up with her soulmate situation, took deep breaths and reminded herself how much she had been wanting to meet her soulmate for the past few days. After calming down a bit, she headed towards the cafe.

Jongho arrived at the cafe, the bouquet of flowers in hand. It seemed as though he attracted quite a bit of attention, because of how big the assortment of flowers looked due to the big and vibrant sunflowers. He didn’t think much of it however, opting to find a suitable seat while he waited for his soulmate to arrive.

San on the other hand, went inside the storage room upon Jongho’s arrival to alert the other six who were hiding in there. The guys were trying to find a suitable position to peek in through the door; bickering in low voices to prevent being seen. Yunho had to hold his hand over Wooyoung’s mouth in case he yelled unintentionally and gave out their position.

Meanwhile, San explained the whole situation to Beomgyu and Soobin, who finally understood what was going on.

“Here goes nothing.” Yunhee muttered to herself while she pushed the door to the cafe open. Upon entering she noticed that the cafe was moderately busy– an unusual sight for her as she always visited early in the morning during the rush hour, when all the seats were occupied and a huge queue present.

She didn’t know what to look for as her soulmate hadn’t really mentioned anything that would help her identify him in the crowd, but she hoped that her ‘soulmate senses’ would assist her with it (if such a thing existed).

Soobin noticed her standing awkwardly by the door and called her.

“Hello! Yunhee, right?” he said.

“Oh, hi! Yeah, I usually drop by before going to college. I’m glad you remember my name!” Yunhee was grateful to him for striking up a conversation.

“You seemed like you were searching for someone. Do you perhaps need some help?” He inquired.

“I was, actually! To be honest, I don’t know what he looks like.” she paused. “It’s… my soulmate and today is supposed to be our first meeting.” Yunhee said truthfully.

Upon hearing what she said, Soobin immediately yelled at San to come to the counter, who was standing at the back.

Yunhee saw Soobin whisper something to his ear and he looked at her with his eyebrows raised in shock. He then moved back to allow the guy to stand in his place.

“Hi! I’m San and I usually handle making beverages at the back. Soobin here just told me that you are looking for your soulmate, is that right?” He asked politely.

“Nice to meet you! And yeah, I am.” She replied.

“Looks like we’ll meet each other more often from now on, Ms.Yunhee.” San said while smiling. “And you might want to look there, on the right side, where a guy is sitting with a huge bouquet of flowers. Good luck!” He instructed while pointing towards the table.

Yunhee approached said table and immediately noticed the assortment of sunflowers and pink roses along with a few other flowers. She tapped on the table to get the guy’s attention, who was on his phone with his back to her.

Jongho looked up, only to find, arguably, the most beautiful girl he has ever laid eyes upon. He seemed to be in a trance, everything but the girl in front of him becoming a blur.

Yunhee wasn’t faring any better, feeling like her heart was beating out of her chest as she stared at the guy that was supposed to be her soulmate.

Both of them felt like something clicked in place, like the final piece in a puzzle that they didn’t even know was missing all this time.

Jongho recovered first, standing up to move the bouquet so that Yunhee could sit in the seat in front of him. Once she settled down, he swiftly handed the flowers to her, to which she thanked him in a bashful way.

“I did think your choice of flower was unique, but now that I saw you face to face, it suits you.” Jongho said, after clearing his voice.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, thanks.” Yunhee replied.

“I’m Jongho. Choi Jongho. Sophomore in college.”

“Park Yunhee. Freshman.”

“Yunhee… a pretty name for an even prettier person it seems.” Jongho replied playfully, making her blush.

They carried their conversation, feeling quite relaxed and comfortable after a while. Yunhee asked him a bunch of different questions, as she couldn’t do that with their bond earlier and Jongho patiently answered every query that she had with a smile on his face, not missing to ask her some in return.

The more they communicated, the more they realised how similar their values and preferences were, which dispelled all the concerns they had about liking each other.

Jongho got up to collect their order when he noticed the six heads peeking through a door in the distance. He made his way towards the door and swung it open, to see the six guys trying to hide behind carton boxes.

Jongho folded his arms and glared at them while they stuttered trying to explain the situation. Meanwhile, San pretended he did not see anything and continued his work.

Being discovered already, the guys came out from the storage room and greeted Yunhee, who was taken aback at first but reciprocated their enthusiasm almost immediately.

She could see how embarrassed Jongho looked because of them so she tried to console him by saying that her friends were like this too and they’d all get along really well once they met.

The guys started leaving one by one, seeing how Jongho’s death glare was still quite evident and they didn’t want to be at the receiving end of their youngest’s wrath.

Jongho sighed and apologised to Yunhee again for his friends’ sudden intrusion to which she was fine with and said that it was quite nice to meet the people he was close to.

They finished their beverages and chose to take a walk outside before heading home.

As they were walking along the pavement, Jongho felt a sudden urge to hold her hand. He tried to appear nonchalant and brushed his hand with hers, to which Yunhee responded by grabbing his hand while looking the other way.

As someone who hated skinship with all his being, Jongho didn’t quite fathom why he felt the need to initiate physical contact with the girl walking beside him. Something as simple as holding hands was making his emotions go haywire.

'So this is what having a soulmate feels like.' Jongho thought.

“Right? I always felt like it was a foreign concept to me, which I couldn’t relate to at all when the people around me shared their stories. But now that I’m experiencing it for myself, I get what they were saying.” Yunhee replied, while swinging their joint hands back and forth.

Jongho looked at her, perplexed about how she knew what he was thinking when their soulmate bond was supposed to dissipate once they met; not to mention it wasn’t regular telepathy to begin with.

Yunhee glanced back at him, to see his head tilted endearingly towards her in confusion.

“You said that out loud, Jongho.” She pointed out while giggling at his expression.

“Oh, I didn’t realise that.” Jongho turned his head away to hide his embarrassment but Yunhee noticed how red his ears were, making her chuckle again. He figured that he really loved how her laugh sounded.

After their impromptu stroll, Jongho took Yunhee home.

They were at the gate, when the girl turned around and held both of Jongho’s hands.

“I had a lovely time today, so thank you so much for that. Thank you for not giving up on me even after knowing how complicated it was trying to find how our bond worked, as I completely started depending on you after not having a single clue about it. I know that our life was kind of on the line too but still I’d like to express my gratitude. And also… thanks for not turning out a jerk I guess?” Yunhee ended with a mischievous smile, making Jongho laugh.

“Then I’d also like to express my gratitude for the fact that you chose to trust me on this and I’m so glad that you’re my soulmate.” Jongho smiled warmly while squeezing her hands tighter. “Also, thanks for not being a snobbish Karen.” He ended with a wink.

Both Yunhee and Jongho felt all warm inside just by looking at each other. Every emotion that they felt just by doing the bare minimum seemed heightened and it was a complete new experience for both of them.

The day ended as Yunhee hugged Jongho despite him telling her he hated skinship, and surprisingly Jongho didn’t mind it and hugged her back.

Yunhee promised to introduce her parents and friends to him some other day, to which Jongho wholeheartedly agreed, saying he’d do the same.

At last they parted ways, Yunhee entering her house and Jongho on his way home even though they didn’t want the day to end.

Unspoken promises of a life together at each other's side lingered on. A life, where they were bound to be together, chosen as each other’s counterparts by fate itself. No matter how many lives they lived, the red string of fate would always bring the destined souls to one another; such was the way of the universe.

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lurkingshan · 1 year ago

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Our Dining Table and Complex Family Trauma

I finally caught up on Our Dining Table this week, just in time for the big penultimate episode. (I must give a shoutout to @isaksbestpillow here once again for giving me life with her excellent subtitles, which are so much better than the ones on Gaga). And unsurprisingly, I love love love this show. It’s just as good as everyone has been saying. I love the undercurrent of melancholy running underneath this very cute storyline. I love Minoru and Yutaka’s gentle dynamic as they become friends and then more. I would obviously throw my body in front of a moving train to protect Tane. I love Ueda, the ultimate shipper and Good Dad.

What is most on my mind this morning, however, is the reveal in yesterday’s episode about the more complicated dynamics at play in Yutaka’s family. I’ve been reading some of y’all’s posts and I understand that 1) this perspective shift is not fully elaborated in the original manga; 2) some don’t like it much because they feel it asks us to put blame on Yutaka or absolve his family of their neglect. I've been chatting a bit with friends @wen-kexing-apologist @bengiyo @kyr-kun-chan @shortpplfedup @waitmyturtles about why I don’t feel that way and I wanted to talk a bit more about it (she says as she prepares to write a thesis).

First, I think the show played fair on this. Despite grounding us firmly in Yutaka’s entirely valid perspective on how it felt to grow up in that house, we saw hints from the start that this was not as clear cut as his memories implied. We see his mom reaching out to him constantly, inviting him to come spend time with them. We see that the memories that shaped his trauma are from what seem to be his first few days with the family - when they first brought him home, and when they first sat down and ate a meal together - and that his brother Yuki was quite young at the time. We see that adult Yuki looks at him with genuine confusion and frustration when he runs into him at the grocery store, and seems to feel wronged by Yutaka’s refusal to talk to him or visit their parents. With no reason to think otherwise, you can read all of that as a neglectful and willfully obtuse family being unreasonable toward him, but the show left some gray space there so that we would be able to go back and recontextualize it when new information was presented.

Second, this introduction of Yuki’s perspective makes so much sense and makes the family backstory a lot richer. Yes, absolutely, teen Yuki was being a little asshole when Yutaka was first brought into his home. This is not surprising. He went from being an only child who was used to having his parents’ sole attention to being told he has a new little brother he has to share everything with. He was a child and he behaved childishly about it, lashing out at this poor kid who truly did nothing to deserve it. And their parents, in an effort to appease their son who they probably felt guilty toward, let him get away with it, and did not properly tend to Yutaka’s emotions or provide him with the reassurance he needed.

All of this sucks, but it’s so real, y’all. Anyone who grew up in a blended family can tell you as much. When new siblings come into the mix, whether by adoption or marriage or new relationships, there is nearly always resentment. I can recall one particularly bratty moment in my youth when after a remarriage my mom told me she was pregnant again, and because I was worried about my own prospects in life and already pissed at her for getting remarried, I said something along the lines of “we’re already poor enough, don’t you think you should stop having kids?” I said that! To my mother! I made her cry! It was horrible! And she forgave me, because she understood why I was so anxious and already carried a lot of guilt about not being able to provide for me the way she would like. Which is to say, I do not like Yuki, but I get him.

But the crucial piece here is we now know, via Yuki’s perspective and the supporting commentary from their parents, that this period of resentment only lasted a short time, and not long after Yutaka joined the family, he did accept him as his brother, he did care for him in the ways he knew how, and he did try to reach out and connect with him.

Which brings me to my third and most important point: Yutaka does carry some of the responsibility for how estranged he has become from his family, these behavioral patterns repeat in his struggles with accepting Minoru, and that is good storytelling. Two things can be true: Yutaka’s family did a poor job of making him feel loved and emotionally cared for as a traumatized child and never took the proper steps to make up for it, and Yutaka has made himself willfully blind to the love and care others try, albeit imperfectly, to give him.

Stemming from losing his birth parents and then that first bad week with his adoptive family, Yutaka fears abandonment, emotional vulnerability, and rejection, and so he rejects others first. He shut himself down to the point he didn’t even perceive it when his brother was taking care of him. He literally did not remember that happened, like his brain forced him to forget. He accepts his family’s care when it comes to material things and financial support, but won’t connect with them emotionally. He ignores his mom when she reaches out to him, blows off his dad’s birthday, and avoids contact to the point he has no idea how they actually feel about him. He isolates himself at work and in his community, living a very solitary life. All of this is deeply sympathetic, because we know he is doing it out of a sense of self-preservation and a deep fear of being faced with something that could emotionally break him.

But ultimately, this is unhealthy, and the show is very clear on this. We see how lonely and miserable Yutaka is until he meets Tane and Minoru. We see how he slowly opens up to them, how their particular style of straightforward communication, easy warmth, and gentle pushing connects with him in a way his much more emotionally staid family could not. We see how Yutaka blossoms as he essentially joins their family, but we also see how his own unresolved family trauma gets in the way. How easily he shuts down when he runs into Yuki, and how that causes him to backslide and begin pushing his new family away, as well. And we see how absolutely overwhelmed and unprepared he is to hear Minoru’s confession, how that also causes an emotional retreat, how his own fear about opening himself up to that kind of love (and therefore that kind of potential hurt) sends him hurtling back into his patterns of self-preservation.

Finally hearing Yuki’s perspective on their childhood and allowing himself to briefly connect with his adoptive family didn’t magically fix the years of neglect and hurt between them. There is a lot of work to be done there if he actually wants a decent relationship with them, and that work has to be mutual and reciprocal. But those moments of connection did give Yutaka the push he needed to examine his own perceptions and his tendency to shut people out and realize he needs to change this aspect of his behavior. If he wants to be with Minoru, and be a family with him and Tane and Ueda, and if he wants to have joy and love and care in his life, he absolutely must allow others to connect with him. Which means he has to open himself up to hurt again, because you can’t have one without the other. And at the end of yesterday’s episode, he made the incredibly brave choice to do exactly that.

#our dining table #bokura no shokutaku #japanese bl #jdrama #these shows really got me in my feelings this week #shan shouts into the void

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mizusswordtip · 4 months ago

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Down The Rabbit Hole ⚝ Killian Jones x Reader (22)

find the story on wattpad

summary: Alice's plan to overthrow the Queen of Hearts is thwarted by a dashing pirate with a hook. Years later, after the curse is broken, they reunite once again.

masterlist

I make my way down the beanstalk, seething silently. I'm close enough to the ground now that I can see Emma has already reached the bottom. I steel myself before jumping the short distance to the ground.

"Alice!" Snow exclaims, helping me off the ground. I stand up and give her a thankful nod.

"You fell awfully behind, what happened?" Aurora asks, looking at me with a concerned gaze. Before I can answer, Emma approaches me.

"Look, Alice-" She looks down guiltily.

"Don't." I snap, not even sparing her a glance.

"Did... something happen?" Snow asks cautiously. Emma ignores her and continues talking to me.

"I don't understand why you're so upset. The giant will set him free after ten hours. It's not like he's going to die." Emma says, trying her best to justify her actions, which only serves to piss me off even further.

"And then what?" I ask, sounding a lot calmer than I feel.

"What?" Emma's face morphs into one of confusion.

"He betrayed Cora to help us." I say simply, letting her put the pieces together herself. She understands what I'm saying immediately, realization coming over her face.

"I-you don't think-"

"His death is on your head." I snap before beginning to walk away, not caring if the others follow at this point. I have put my life on the line so many times since Jefferson set me free. I was excited to start over my life and she can't even listen to me for this one thing?

"That's not- I didn't think-" I turn to face her, only inches apart.

"Which is why I'm the leader." I snap coldly. She clenches her jaw, looking guilty but I'm already done with this conversation. I just want to go... make a home for myself. "Now let's go get the dust from Cora."

Eventually, we stop to rest, mainly for Aurora who's not the most athletic of people. Emma, Snow and Mulan went off to talk about how to find Cora. I know I should be there helping as the leader but I just need a bit of time for myself. Aurora begins to thrash around and scares me when she sits up suddenly.

"Snow!" Her voice catches the attention of the others who run over. Snow kneels next to me to attend to Aurora.

"Hey, I'm here. It's okay, it's just another nightmare." Snow puts her hand on Aurora's head soothingly.

"No, this time was different. There was a little boy. He put out the fire, he talked to me." Aurora explains, shaking her head frantically. I furrow my brows, wondering why a dream about a little boy would be frightening.

"A little boy?" Emma pipes up, frowning in concern.

"What'd he say?" I ask.

"He said... he said his name was Henry." Our faces quickly morph into ones of fear at her words. Emma quickly reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small photograph of, who I recognize as her son, and holds it up to Aurora.

"The boy you saw in your dream, is that him?" She asks and Aurora nods her head.

"Yes, this is him." My head starts to spin with a million thoughts at one time.

"How is that possible? You've never even met... him...." My words trail off as all of this starts to feel like deja vu. "It's not a dream!" I suddenly exclaim. Emma looks at me in confusion.

"What? What do you mean?" He prompts expectantly.

"After I went to Wonderland as a child and Cora erased my memories, I dreamed about it every day for years. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized they weren't dreams, my mind, my body, was somehow connected with Wonderland through my dreams despite me not being there. For some reason, you must be connected to this place you keep dreaming about." I finish, looking at Aurora with a smile which she doesn't return. She instead looks even more terrified.

"Alice is right, it wasn't a dream." Snow says, to everyone's surprise. I turn to look at her.

"What?" She looks hesitant before speakings.

"That room. I've been there." She finally admits, looking over at Aurora guiltily.

"When I told you about it, you didn't say anything." Aurora looks hurt and betrayed by Snow's words.

"You were terrified. I didn't want to make things worse by telling you I thought it might be real." Snow explains with an apologetic wince.

"A room in a dream is real?" Mulan finally chimes in, looking over at Aurora with concern.

"The sleeping curse. It has to be. I went through it, Aurora went through it..." Snow surmises.

"Henry's been through it because I wouldn't believe him." Emma looks at the ground sorrowfully. Despite our earlier argument, I can't help but feel sorry for her. I place a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Nobody in their right mind would have, it's not your fault." I reassure. She looks surprised by my sudden kindness after giving her the cold shoulder for the last hour.

"What else did you lie about?" Aurora accuses which makes Snow open and close her mouth a couple of times like a fish out of water.

"I was... I wasn't lying. I was protecting you." Snow says and I roll my eyes.

"What did he say? In the dream?" I ask, trying to get everybody back on track.

"He just said his name and then I woke up and it was over." Aurora says with a wince, clearly wishing she knew more.

"This is perfect!" I say with a grin.

"Perfect? My son is in a room of fire!" Emma looks at me like I've gone mad, but I've gotten used to that look by now so I don't even flinch.

"We have a way home now." I shoot back. She throws her arms up, exasperated.

"We have a compass! And the wardrobe ashes are still with Cora." She points out.

"Any attempt to steal from her would be suicide." Mulan adds on in her usual, pessimistic voice.

"No..... because we have a new ally." I say with a confident nod.

"Who?" Snow looks at me, gaze hopeful.

"Rumpelstiltskin." I say with a raise of my brow. Emma's face now matches my own, a knowing smile stretching across it.

"Henry. We can talk to him. Now we can communicate." She breathes out and Aurora looks even more frightened.

"Wait, what?"

After a couple more hours of walking, I sit by Aurora's sleeping form once more. She's only been out for a couple of minutes when I hear branches moving. Usually, that wouldn't concern me but the noises are coming from all around us. The hairs on my arms stand on end.

"Did you hear that?" I whisper to Mulan who simply nods and draws her sword. I quickly follow suit when I hear another branch snapping. Then, just behind Mulan, I see a man lung out at her.

"Watch out!" I yell and thrust my sword over her shoulder, giving her time to move out of the way. I look behind me to see Emma and Snow fighting off more of them. Mulan bends down and begins to awake Aurora. I stand by them, making sure none of the people attack them while they're distracted. The man I had stabbed continues to come after me and I stumble back, heart racing. The realization comes over me that these are the villagers. The ones who Cora had killed. I spin, bringing my sword around. "Off with your head!" I shout and the man's head falls from his shoulders. He stumbles a couple more steps before his body drops to the ground. Dead... again.

"Emma, watch out!" Snow calls out from behind me. I turn and see Emma getting tackled by one of the dead guys.

"The compass!" Emma cries out, getting to her feet. I'm about to go over to help when Snow shoots the one who'd grabbed the compass. Emma grabs it once the thing drops it. "Any idea how to kill these things?" She asks, standing back to back with me. Another one lunges at me with an axe and my sword goes through its eyes. It drops.

"The heads! It has to be the heads!" I shout.

"Mulan!" Snow calls and I turn my head, thinking she's been hurt, only to see that her and Aurora are gone.

"Where is she?" Emma shouts in concern, kicking another dead/not dead guy away from her.

"We can't take much more, we gotta run!" I say and take off once I see a gap. I can hear the others following. We don't stop for a long while, until there are no extra footsteps to be heard.

"I think we're safe now!" I come to a stop, hands on my knees, taking big gulps of air. I can hear the others heavy breathing but our rest doesn't last long when we hear more footsteps. I draw my sword only to see Mulan emerge from the trees, looking very scared.

"You left us to die!" Emma accuses but Mulan doesn't acknowledge her. I put down my sword and take a step towards Mulan.

"What happened? What's wrong?" I ask softly.

"They took her. Aurora is gone." Is all she says for us to understand. I'm about to comfort her when a bird swoops in and begins cawing in Snow's ear.

"Wait!" She hold up her arm, a shocked look across her face. After a minute, the bird flies off.

"What the hell was that?" Emma asks what we're all already thinking.

"Cora." Snow breathes out.

"Actually, that was a crow." I point out blandly. She shoots me an annoyed look.

"I mean the bird sent a message from Cora. We have until sundown to bring her the compass. If we don't, she'll kill Aurora." Emma takes the compass out of her pocket and Mulan's hand shoots out.

"Give it to me." She demands.

"Not so fast, we need to think about this." I say, taking a step towards her.

"There's nothing to consider. A compass is not worth Aurora's life." She snaps at me.

"I never said it was. We need a plan so that we can keep the compass and get back Aurora safely. You don't know Cora like I do. There's a high probability that she gets the compass and kills us all anyways." I explain as softly as possible but it doesn't seem to do any good.

"My vow to Phillip was to protect Aurora. That promise is all that is left of him, so it shall be done." She says and then goes to grab the compass out of Emma's hand.

"Hey!" Emma tugs her hand back but Mulan's grip is firm. "I climbed a beanstalk for this, you go get your own!" I step forward and grasp Mulan's forearm as tight as possible and pull.

"Get off her!" I shout, getting ready to snap her arm when Snow pulls her back.

"Mulan! Please, give us a few hours. If we haven't defeated Cora by then, you can have the compass." Snow begs and Mulan looks exasperated.

"You can't hope to defeat her. We no longer have access to the Dark One's assistance." She points out and to be honest, she has a good point. My sword may be able to deflect her magic but Cora knows I have the sword now. She probably already has plans on how to defeat me.

"Yes, we do." Snow says and I turn to look at her in surprise.

"How? Aurora's-"

"Not the only one who's been under a sleeping curse." I finish, realization dawning on me. Snow nods with a reassuring smile.

"I can go back to that netherworld." Mulan still looks unconvinced.

"The door to that place is closed. You said it yourself." She snaps but Snow doesn't back down.

"There may be a way. A way for me to go back into a deep slumber. One that can let me access it again." Emma sends her a look of disbelief and shakes her head.

"Another sleeping curse?" She asks.

"No, I've been under already so I don't need one. I need to go into a sleep where my natural defenses slip away, where my mind stops protecting me." Snow reassures Emma.

"If only we had the sedatives they did at the hospital." I mutter to myself.

"How?" Emma asks and Snow looks to Mulan.

"Your sleeping powder. If I inhale it, I will fall into a deep enough sleep that I should be able to do this." Mulan shakes her head and purses her lips.

"Alice used the last of it on the giant." She points out.

"Then make some more." I demand, not willing to give up the compass. Mulan thinks for a long moment before sighing.

"The poppy plant is extremely rare in this kingdom, but I know of a place that may grow some more. It's a bit of a journey from here." She says hesitantly. I smile a grateful smile at her.

"Thank you, Mulan."

Aurora's point of veiw

"Wake up. Wake up." A male voice calls out to me and my eyes crack open slightly, vision still blurry. I open my eyes all the way once I see who it is who's standing over me. "On your feet. Hurry!" I stand up with the help of Hook. My heart rate picks up at I begin to panic.

"No! No, are you here to kill me?" I cries out, attempting to get away from him but to no avail. He looks at me with an unimpressed look.

"If I were here for that, then waking you first might not be the best course of action." He says, clearly annoyed. I give him an indignant look.

"So, what? Did Cora send you-"

"Cora has no idea I'm here." He interrupts, cutting the ropes that tie my hands together. I look up at him, still not understanding what's happening.

"I don't understand." I say. He sighs and looks at me with a sarcastic smile.

"Look, I know you're sleepy, but isn't it obvious? I'm setting you free." He tells me and I feel my heart lurch hopefully.

"What is this, some sort of pirate's ruse?" I ask suspiciously. His face turns severe and I feel a chill run down my spine.

"Cora's denied me passage to Storybrooke. And my vengeance. And now I'm gonna deny her wishes. Starting with the compass. In pirate terms, you might say I'm firing my shot across the enemy's bow." He explains and even more surprisingly, I believe him.

"You'd risked your life to break in here, all so you could thwart Cora?" I ask, still being cautious. He leans in close before answering.

"I don't like being double crossed. Now go." He demands and I go to leave.

"Thank you." I whisper but before I can get far he grabs my arm, turning me to face him.

"You can thank me by doing me one favor." He tells me and I instinctively rip my arm away fro him.

"What?" He pauses for a moment before his expression softens a little.

"Give Alice a message. Tell her that the deal still stands. If she provides me passage back to her realm, I swear, I will help her find that dust that opens the portal." He says reverently. I can't help but smile a little. It's clear that he cares deeply for her and even though it stings a little, having just lost Phillip, it fills my chest with light.

"She'll be so relieved." I say with a little chuckle. My words look as though I just stuck him. He swallows hard.

"She will?" He asks quietly. I laugh at that.

"Yes, she was quite worried over you. Gave Emma a piece of her mind." I say, chuckling at the memories, now that I know she'll be relieved. He looks down, an almost guilty look crossing his face before he looks back up at me.

"Go, before Cora comes back." He says before I have time to even wonder about his mood shift.

#killian jones #killian jones fic #killian jones smut #killian jones ouat #killian jones imagine #killian jones x oc #killian jones x reader #once upon a time #ouat #captain hook

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heyyyharry · 2 years ago

Text

Deep End - Chapter 17: Die for Me

...in which Ezi feels betrayed, and Harry just wants to help.

AU: famous!harry, siren!mc, adult modern retelling of the little mermaid? lol, fake dating, enemies to lovers.

WARNING: MATURE THEMES

All chapters / Synopsis / Moodboard / Playlist

A/N: Starting my new job tomorrow, kinda nervous but excited!!! Enjoy this chapter. New update next week :)

A million thoughts ran through Harry’s mind when Maggie took him to her home. It was an old block of flats near Shadwell station. Hers was the door numbered 27 on the ground floor.

“I hope she’s awake now,” Maggie said as she unlocked the door. There was light coming out of the room at the end of the hallway, and Maggie beckoned Harry to follow. The flat was cold and wet, with muddy boot prints on the wooden floor, but it didn’t make any difference since both Harry and Maggie were soaked from the rain anyway.

“Oh, you’re awake,” Maggie said as she entered the room. “Harry is here to see you, dear.”

When Harry stepped in, Ezi’s blue eyes pinned him to the spot. She was sitting on the bed in Maggie’s funky rainbow t-shirt; her forehead and arms were bruised. Maggie had told Harry that Ezi had fallen from the bridge, and honestly, he had imagined worse, so this was quite a big relief. He did wonder how Maggie had managed to dive in and save her, but that was a question for later.

“Hi, Ezi. How are you feeling?” There was no response or reaction, so he continued, “I was very worried when I heard. I’m glad you’re safe now.”

Still nothing. Just two hollowed eyes staring at him like they didn’t speak the same language.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Maggie said.

It was then that Ezi spoke. "Get out. No, not you, Maggie. You can stay. I don't want him here."

Harry's gaze jumped to Maggie, who was now half a step out of the door. She slowly looked up, eyes locked with his.

He didn't know what he was expecting, for her to say something, maybe? He wished she would defend him and try to convince Ezi to just hear him out. But Maggie only stared back, helpless, as if saying, 'Maybe you should go.'

But you fucking asked me to come here, Harry wanted to say, but he clenched his fists and took a deep breath.

Ezi still refused to meet his eyes. She had her arms crossed in front of her chest and an agonising look on her face. It was at this moment that Harry thought about her falling into the dark water, her struggling to swim, drowning and helpless against the currents for the first time in her life. She must have been so scared. He wished he'd been there. He would have jumped in and tried to save her.

"Ezi--"

"What did I say?" she snapped. "Get the hell out or I'll start screaming and the neighbours will come. Maybe they'll even call the police." She whipped her head to Maggie with a threatening glare. "You wouldn't want the police to knock on your door, right?"

Maggie tugged gently at Harry's soaked sleeve. "M-Maybe you should go outside for a bit."

But Harry was impatient. He shrugged off Maggie and strode over to the bed, and Ezi recoiled and gripped the duvet tightly to her chest, an alarmed look on her face as he sat down on the edge of it and reached for her. She didn't think he meant any harm, did she?

"Hey, listen." Carefully, he placed his hand on her knee and felt her stiffen against his touch. He hated this. What had he done? "Ezi, please hear me out."

"I've heard enough," she hissed. "My sister tried to kill me, my queendom is in danger, and now I can't go home. Are you happy now?"

"Of course not. How could you say that?"

"Harry, maybe you should go.”

Maggie’s attempt to intervene was ignored.

"When Maggie told me what happened to you, I was so scared I'd lose you. Why do you think I came?"

"You came because you feel guilty." The words came out of Ezi’s mouth so fast that Harry believed she'd spent this whole time thinking of the reason why. "You want me to forgive you for the horrible things you said so you could move on. Well, guess what? I'm not a person, remember? I don't feel, and therefore, I have no sympathy for you.” There was a pause, and then, the worst thing she could possibly say to him, "You will never get my forgiveness, Harry." Her voice was shaking, her lashes wet. "I can't believe for a second...I was willing to die for you."

When coming here, Harry had prepared himself to get yelled at or have stuff thrown at him depending on how well Ezi was, but to hear her say she would never forgive him left him completely numb. His hand fell back onto his lap, and he sat there, watching her turn her back to him and yank the duvet up to her neck. As she pretended to fall back to sleep, he got up and quietly left the room.

“Hope you like herbal tea. I don’t really drink tea.”

“Thank you.”

Maggie placed the steaming cup down on the table, and Harry instantly warmed his hands on it. The kitchen was just as cold as the rest of the flat, and while waiting for the water to boil, Harry had taken some time to observe. Everything here seemed clean and tiny but didn’t really feel like it. He paid attention specifically to the seashells collection on top of the fridge and the dead flowers, which had sat in that dusty vase for so long that they’d turned black. Since this building was so close to the tube station, you could hear the train from the distance.

“It gets quieter after midnight,” Maggie said as she sat down in front of Harry with her own cup of tea. Harry’s cup was plain white, but hers was shaped like a fox.

Harry blew into his cup and took a sip. “So, how did you manage to find Ezi? Did she tell you she was going to the bridge?”

“Not at all. I followed her there because I assumed that would be the place she would meet the Sea Queen.”

Harry froze while Maggie just calmly took a sip of her steaming tea.

“What…did you just say?” he asked.

The steam fogged up her glasses, so she took them off, folded them, and set them down on the table. Without them, her blue eyes were more vivid than usual, almost resembling Ezi’s. The colour of the sea.

Chills rushed down Harry’s spine and he swallowed thickly. “You know what she is?”

“Harry, darling,” Maggie said. “I am what she is.”

“You’re…a siren?”

“Well, I used to be. Decades ago. My sister killed the man I loved. He was a fisherman. I was supposed to become the next Sea Queen, but my sister had always been jealous of me. She knew I was in love with a fisherman, so she murdered him and ate his heart. But then she suddenly possessed power so strong that she could raise the ocean and drown an entire island. She turned me into a human and forced me to live eternity in this world while she told everyone that I had been killed by my lover. And I must tell you this, immortality is overrated. People mourn and forget about you, and you have to watch every single person you know pass away.”

That was too much for Harry to take. He could feel the pounding of his heart inside his own head. After a moment of silence, he managed to ask, “Have you told Ezi?”

“Yes. She was more shocked than you, actually. But deep down, she knows I’m someone she can trust. I think we established this mutual understanding from the moment we first met. After all, we both share royal blood. One Queen would recognise the other.”

“Does that mean she’s gonna be trapped here for eternity as well?”

“Unlikely. I think her sister took the pig’s heart, thinking it was your heart, and attempted to kill her, but failed.”

“We have to do something.”

“We are no match for the Sea Queen. It’s Ezi who has to stand up for herself.”

“I don’t want her to end up like you.” The words flew out before Harry could stop himself, causing Maggie to stare at him, wide-eyed. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant,” he stuttered. “But Ezi is a good person. Not that I’m saying you’re not, but Ezi never really wants to be Queen. She just wants to make her mother proud. She just wants to be loved like any of us in this godforsaken world. She belongs here with me. She deserves to have a normal life here with a family that appreciates her, and if those creatures believe she’s dead, then we cannot allow her to face them.”

“Those creatures are her family.”

“By blood, not by choice.” Harry clenched his fist so he wouldn’t slam it on the table. “I’m not letting her go back to the ocean after what they put her through.”

Maggie broke into laughter as she slowly shook her head. “Do you have any idea what you’re talking about, child? When they realise the heart they have is not yours, they will come back for you. The Sea Queen would do anything for your heart. Now you may say you don’t care, that you will gladly die for your damsel in distress or whatever, but what you’re thinking right now isn’t heroic; it’s foolish. This is not your fight, Harry. If the Sea Queen got your heart, she would wipe out humankind.”

“So you’re saying I have no choice but to lose Ezi?”

Maggie reached across the table to hold his trembling hand as she looked into his eyes. For a moment, they shared a sense of understanding. “If you care about Ezi, you must stay back and let her fight her own battle.”

Harry picked up his cup of tea and sipped away in silence. Then, he asked, “Did you turn back into a siren to save Ezi from the river?”

Maggie smiled. “No. I’m just a really good swimmer.”

Harry woke up to find Ezi staring at him. He was sitting in the armchair facing her bed, unsure how or how long ago he’d fallen asleep, but it seemed like she had been awake for a while; she’d read a big chunk of the book lying open and face down on her lap.

“You know, you talk in your sleep,” she said suddenly, breaking the nerve-wracking silence between them. Harry didn’t expect her to acknowledge his existence after her tantrum earlier, so he really didn’t know what that observation was supposed to mean.

“Did I say something wrong?” he asked, combing his fingers through his messy hair.

“No, it’s just gibberish, really. But you seemed frightened.”

He had a good reason to be. Although he didn’t quite remember the specifics, he’d had a short nightmare about falling into the ocean, and he’d just kept falling and falling. There had been flashes of a half-fish, half-human creature, and the stench of blood was alarmingly vivid. When the claws ripped his chest open, the last thing he saw was Ezi’s face, his blood dripping from her fangs.

“It’s alright,” he said. “I’m alright.”

Ezi only nodded. This eerie nonchalance wasn’t like her at all, and he kind of wished she would start yelling at him again. Instead, she flipped the duvet to the side, revealing her broken ankle, which had been bandaged by Maggie. Speaking of Maggie, where the hell was that woman? She had told Harry to watch Ezi as she went out to get groceries, so she should be home by now.

“Would you mind helping me out of bed? I want a bath,” Ezi said.

Harry was frozen in shock for a second, then he snapped out of it and quickly got up from the chair to help her. She could barely walk, so she had her arm around his neck and held onto him as she limped to the bathroom. He would offer to carry her, but he wasn’t sure if they were cool enough for that yet; she couldn’t have forgiven him after one short nap.

He drew the bath with extra hot water, just the way she liked it, and waited for her to strip off her clothes so he could settle her into the bath. She lay there, her bandaged ankle resting on the edge of the tub, looking relaxed as if she’d just finished her 9-to-5 and not survived from attempted murder by her own sister. After his conversation with Maggie, Harry knew Ezi couldn’t have that simple life, but he couldn’t help but fantasise about one for them.

“If you need me, I’ll be in the kitchen. Just call.” Harry turned to leave, but Ezi stopped him.

“Wait. Can you stay here with me?”

He stared at her. “You want me to stay?”

“Yeah, to make sure I don’t fall asleep. I don’t want my bandage wet.”

“Okay. I’ll stay then.” He came to sit on the floor beside the tub, elbow resting on the edge, head against his knuckles. Steam curled up from the water as she soaked her entire body in, only leaving her head above the surface. They sat in silence, listening to the dripping of the sink. Harry had so much to say, yet he didn’t want to give her a reason to dismiss him. Maybe she’d thought it through and changed her mind about him. Letting him stay here with her could be her way of showing forgiveness.

“When you said I wasn’t a person,” she spoke suddenly yet quietly, “was there any part of you that meant it?”

He nervously wet his lip. “To say no would be a lie. So yes, only at that moment, though,” he sighed. “It was like…oh, I think I’m in love with this girl, but now I find out she’s been plotting to murder me this whole time, so maybe none of it was real.”

Ezi nodded once. “Fair enough.”

Her response made him chuckle. “You know, you sound very British now.”

“Guess I’m easily influenced,” she said, giggling a little. It felt good to hear her laugh again.

“But I’m very sorry about the things I said out of anger. I didn’t mean them.”

“That’s okay. I know you didn’t. I guess I was being a little bit harsh, too. I just...well, it was a lot. Feeling betrayed by you and then my sister also betrayed me, and I..."

She left the sentence unfinished. Silence seeped back in as Harry watched her stare intensely at her broken ankle.

“Why didn't you believe me when I said I loved you?”

His question caught her by surprise, and her brows furrowed thoughtfully. “Why do you believe you love me? I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but as you said, love is a complicated thing. It’s not one emotion. You can’t possibly know what love feels like.”

“Yeah, well…I don’t know. But I miss you when you’re not around. I get happy when you are. I think about you in the middle of the day. And I’ve been having these scenarios of you, me, and Chilli just having a normal life together, away from the fame and your murderous family. I know I’m just a useless human. I don't have magical powers, nor am I the ruler of a kingdom, but I want to protect you and keep you safe. If that's not love, it's something very close.”

“Well...I wouldn’t know.”

“I think you do, Ezi,” Harry said. “When was the moment you realised you couldn’t kill me?”

“This may sound silly, but I think it was bedtime, and you were reading to me and Chilli, and you were so tired that you stumbled over your words.”

“You didn’t want to kill me because I couldn’t read properly?”

She rolled her eyes at the joke. “It was when I realised I didn’t want to be Queen or my mother’s puppet. I just wanted to be in bed with you and the cat after a long day and listen to bedtime stories.”

When she placed her hand on top of his, Harry squeezed it tight and brought it to his lips.

“Harry!” Maggie’s shout made Harry jump. He told Ezi that he would be right back and hurried to the hallway to see what Maggie needed. But Maggie had brought another guest home with her.

“Dawson?”

“This handsome boy saw me at the station, and I told him about Ezi so he wanted to come check on her,” Maggie said as she unzipped her boots. Meanwhile, Dawson stood there holding two grocery bags and gave Harry a tight-lipped smile.

Maggie headed to the kitchen, and the men followed. Watching Dawson put away the groceries, Harry couldn’t even act like he wasn’t upset. He came to stand beside Maggie by the table. “You told him about Ezi?”

“He’s her friend, isn’t he?”

“Yeah, but not every friend of hers needs to know.”

“Harry, I’m literally right here. I can hear you.”

“Yeah, I know, Dawson. You shouldn’t even be here.”

Eyes narrowed, Maggie flicked her finger between them. “I sense some tension here. Is there any rivalry backstory that I need to know?”

“No,” Harry and Dawson said at the same time, but it was obvious in the death stare they’d been giving each other. What was Dawson doing here anyway? Harry thought that it was clear that Ezi wasn’t interested in him. Why was he so persistent? Ezi probably didn’t even want to see hi—

“Dawson!”

“Ezi!”

Harry’s jaw dropped when Ezi – now with clothes on and her hair in a towel – limped into the kitchen to embrace Dawson. Okay, rude. What about their romantic moment in the bathroom?

“I’m so sorry for running away without an explanation,” Ezi said, eyes squeezed shut, still holding Dawson like he was a lifeboat in the middle of the storm. Harry tried to act unbothered, but it did make his skin crawl.

“It’s okay. I’m glad that you’re okay now. Maggie told me about your car crash.”

“Car crash?” Ezi blinked at Dawson, then whipped her head to Maggie and Harry. “You lied to him?”

“Well, I…I didn’t know if he knew…”

“He doesn’t,” Harry told Maggie.

Ezi let out and sigh and took Dawson’s hands. “I can’t keep lying to my friends, and I think you of all people should know the truth.”

“Erm, Ezi?” Harry spoke, but Ezi ignored him and told Dawson to take a seat, then sat down beside him. Harry opened his mouth but Maggie shushed him so Ezi could talk.

There was no way this was a good idea. Dawson would think Ezi was wrong in the head for admitting that she was actually a mythical creature. He wouldn’t believe her, but on second thought, maybe that would be for the best. If Dawson didn’t believe Ezi, he would leave, and Harry wouldn’t have to worry about him anymo—

“I believe you.”

“What?” Harry gasped, causing all heads to turn to him. Quickly, he sat down at the table across from his cousin. “You believe that she’s a siren? Really?”

“Yes.”

“Be fucking for real. You’re only saying that because you’re a simp.”

“Harry!” Ezi gasped, but Harry hadn’t said anything he didn’t mean.

“He probably thinks you’re crazy, Ezi. He doesn’t actually believe this without proof.”

“Well, I’ve spent enough time with her to know that she’s not just odd because she’s American, Harry. And to be honest, her being a siren is better than her being American.”

“Thank you, Dawson.”

“Absolutely ridiculous,” Harry hissed as he slumped back into his chair, arms crossed like an angry child.

Ezi sighed. “Guys, can you let me talk to Harry for a sec?”

“Yeah, sure, Dawson, come. I’d be happy to answer any of your questions about us,” Maggie said as she pulled Dawson up by his arm.

“Us? Wait, so you’re also a siren???” Dawson said before his voice faded into the hallway.

Now alone with Harry, Ezi’s smile was gone. “What the hell? Why were you acting like a dick?”

Harry leaned across the table so he could whisper angrily to her so the other two couldn’t hear. “Because you didn’t need to drag my cousin into this. He doesn’t have to be involved.”

“I’m tired of lying,” Ezi said. “And who cares if he knows? It’s not gonna change anything.”

Harry let out an exaggerated exhale as he threw his hands in the air. “Because he’s going to want to help, and if he dies, my mother will kill me. Maggie and I are enough help around here.”

“Who says any of you is gonna help me?” Ezi scoffed. “Tomorrow, I will come up with a plan and confront my mother on my own. I just don’t want to leave this world without telling the truth. I owe it to everyone here.”

“Wow, you’re so fucking strong and independent, aren’t you? You have to do everything on your own. I swear to God, Ezi, for fucking once, let other people help.”

Her eyes went wide with feigned shock. “Oh, what are you gonna do? You’re gonna punch my mother in the face when she shows up to rip out your heart? I think you humans underestimate how easily we can—"

“Listen," he cut her off, "when you told me you were willing to die for me, I told myself that I would not let that happen again. We’ll come up with something, but I want to help. After all, I will be her new target when she finds out the heart Koa brought to her isn’t real. Also, how did you manage to get a pig’s heart??? You know what? It doesn’t matter. What’s important is that I need to be there with you, and you can't get rid of me."

Worry edged into Ezi’s expression. “How do I know you won't abandon me again?"

"You need to trust me this time."

"Trust should be earned, not given."

"I'll earn it then. Just...don't push me away."

Ezi's expression immediately softened, and Harry knew he had said the right thing. Even though he wasn't sure if he was forgiven or not, it was reassuring to know she still wanted to give him another chance.

"I gotta go check on Dawson and make sure Maggie hasn’t traumatised him.”

Ezi pushed herself up from her chair, and Harry quickly got up to help her. “You know, if push comes to shove, we should sacrifice Dawson.”

With her arm around his neck, she shot him a glare. “Harry.”

“Sorry, sorry, just a thought,” he said, grinning.

#harry styles #deep end series #harry x ezi #harry styles fanfic #harry styles writing #harry styles fluff #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles fanfics #harry styles fanfictions #harry styles smut #harry styles fic #harry styles angst

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casspurrjoybell-33 · 10 months ago

Text

Wreckless - Fender Bender

*Warning Adult Content*

Emmett Locke tapped his boot against the concrete floor of the repair shop impatiently and caught himself just before he looked out the window of the office door yet again. No, it wasn't going to make the owner of the now pristine Volvo show up any faster. The car's leaky transmission lines had been replaced nearly three hours ago and it had been ready to go for almost two. His boss, Peter Thompson, had called the owner and was told they would be 'right over'. When Emmett had offered to stay, he'd planned on being out of here an hour ago. Did Volvo owners have their own definition of 'right over'? To him, it meant fifteen minutes, half an hour tops. Anything longer than that required a time frame, an estimated time of arrival.

Why hadn't they said they'd be over at six p.m? Well, now it was closer to seven p.m. Not that he really had anything planned tonight, his frozen pizza would be waiting whenever he got home but it was the principal. Just how long did he have to wait before he wouldn't feel guilty about telling Peter tomorrow that the customer had been a no-show? Finally, after Emmett had decided to wait until 7:30 and was sitting in one of the waiting room chairs with his feet propped up on the other one, a car pulled up to the shop. He jumped up, pushed the button to close the bay door and strode out, heading for the passenger door of yet another Volvo.

"Sorry we're late," a woman cooed, getting out of the passenger side. He had to force himself to keep a polite look on his face.

"No problem. It's all set, here are your keys."

He was really glad at that moment that Peter had modernized things a bit when he bought the shop three months ago. Everything was paid for so he didn't have to deal with taking the time to run her credit card. All he had to do now was set the alarm system and then lock the front door behind him. Thursdays weren't supposed to be quite this hard but he was finally free. Not only that, he had tomorrow off since he was working this Saturday. Maybe he'd head over to the alley and grab a slice and a beer there. He sent a quick text to Andy to make sure he was working and could comp his food, then slid into his car. He headed for route forty, music blaring and windows down. It wasn't usually this warm at night yet but he wasn't complaining.

He had to put his hair back during a stop light because it was blowing in his face but that was a small price to pay for some fresh air. Glancing up to see that it was green, he hit the gas just as another car turned, running the red light. He slammed on the brakes but it was too late as their fenders crunched and his body jolted forwards. Emmett slammed his palm on the steering wheel, cursing under his breath. The other driver managed to pull forward and onto the shoulder so he spun around and pulled in behind. He got out of the car and stormed up to the driver's side, hoping no one was hurt. He was still six feet away when the door of the Mercedes roadster opened up and a man stepped out, turning towards Emmett.

"What the hell is WRONG with you?" he bellowed, reaching back into the car for a tissue to wipe the blood that was dripping from his nose.

It only took a quick glance for Emmett to realize that the Mercedes' air-bag had gone off.

"Are you okay?" he asked, more concerned than bothered by the screaming.

"Do I look okay?"

Considering that the young man had just gotten hit by an air-bag, he was going to look worse later. It probably wouldn't help to mention that though. There was something weird going on with his eye but Emmett wasn't sure he should ask. Why was he blinking so much?

"I don't think either of us needs an ambulance."

"Just give me your insurance information."

Emmett was dumbfounded.

"And why would I do that? You ran the red light. Look, I'm happy to drive away from here and forget this ever happened."

Car repairs he could do, a higher insurance payment would be much harder to manage.

"I did not. It was orange. Okay, I'll give you that but hello... everyone turns late there. Why weren't you paying attention?"

Okay, now Emmett was mad... this was not his fault.

"I did paid attention to the light, punk. That's how it works."

The look on the young man's face was priceless.

"Punk? Did you just call me a punk? Have you looked at yourself in the mirror recently?"

Yes, yes he had.

Okay, his hair was much longer than it had ever been in his entire life and maybe his beard could use a little trim but he didn't look like a punk.

"I thought it was more surfer chic."

Of course, the young man in front of him looked even less like a punk than he did. He had on a button-down shirt and dress slacks. Topping it all off was a perfectly business-friendly short hair cut and clean shave. His fringe that looked like it might be long was slicked back with hair product.

"Okay, what's with the eye?"

"I lost a contact when you HIT me," he emphasized.

"Damn my nose hurts."

"It will. Airbags are much more trouble than they're worth in fender benders. Sorry, maybe you shouldn't drive such a fancy car."

Mr. Fancy whipped a business card out of his wallet and passed it to Emmett.

"Jealous, Mr...?"

"Locke. Emmett Locke."

He glanced at the card.

"Nice to meet you Mr Finnegan Walker. Now, can we get this handled before the cops show up? Look, it was your fault but I'll fix your car. Just drive it over to 'Wrecked'. It's on Wilkens Road, right after the P.A. Hospital."

"Um, how about no? This is what insurance is for. I'm not leaving my car, God only knows where. I'll probably never see it again. Do I look stupid to you?"

Not for a second during their entire conversation had Emmett thought that Finnegan Walker looked anything like stupid. Some what cute, yes... especially with that dimple in his chin.

"Look, I work there. I'll get it fixed tomorrow and you can come pick it up. Can I call you at this number?"

Finnegan took a deep breath, trying to decide whether or not to believe him. At least being a mechanic explained what he was wearing. He'd never heard of the body shop but he hadn't been in Baltimore all that long either. The thing that worried him was the fact that this brute of a man didn't want to call their insurance companies. Red flags went up in Finnegan's mind.

Still, he seemed trustworthy enough and Finnegan considered himself a good judge of character. More importantly, he wanted this finished. He wanted to be home and relaxing before he was up at 5:30 a.m. tomorrow morning to try to finish out his week on a high note. Slim chance but a worthy goal. A police cruiser pulled up, lights flashing. The officer got out and walked over.

"Anyone hurt?"

Finnegan knew he was lucky to not be hurt worse but it seemed like a silly question when he had blood dripping down his face and onto his shirt.

"Just peachy, officer, thanks."

"Good," he answered, giving Finnegan an evil eye.

"Either of you want a tow truck?"

"We don't need them but thanks," Emmett answered, knowing what that would cost him. He turned towards Finnegan.

"Want to follow me to 'Wrecked' and I'll give you a ride home?"

He'd taken a second to look over his car and it was nothing a bungee cord wouldn't fix until he had time to handle it.

"Um, no. I'll get an Uber. And yes... I'll need a tow, officer."

They both looked at him as if he was joking.

"I can't drive with one eye contact in."

The officer mumbled something into the walkie talkie on his shoulder and then headed back for the cruiser. Emmett knew it was out of his hands and hadn't gone well. He reached into his glove box and pulled out a pen, finding a receipt in his pants pocket. He jotted down his name, cell-phone number and the name of his insurance company and handed it to Finnegan.

"I'm gonna talk to the officer and head out. Here you go."

Finnegan gave his version of events to the cop and then waited another twenty minutes for the tow truck. When the driver asked if the closest shop was okay, he surprised himself by saying...

"Take it to 'Wrecked' on Wilkens Road, I think?"

"Past the P.A. Hospital, right? I know it. It used to be Dave's place. Will do."

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serenemy · 3 months ago

Text

this entry was so anachronistic it was preserved at the [redacted] as possible evidence of life on other worlds:

“one of the first cases that opened my eyes about ptsd involved the big sky state’s very own jeffrey epstein. some of those girls went voluntarily and they still got ptsd. i was shamed into recognizing that when the defense experts all agreed that some of the girls (not all of them but the ones who mattered to me because [redacted]) did indeed have verifiable ptsd that they should be compensated for

this was a good ol boys state, legal system etc and those were hired gun defense experts. consider the possibility that maybe not even all of the girls’ own attorneys thought they could have “ptsd” from choices they made voluntarily

and those hired gun medical experts were like nope, a fair number of these are in fact real, measurable ptsd and they not only need damages for the ptsd, they need damages to leave this community behind forever because that is the only way they can get over this very real medical condition

tangentially: that part of it was also a before and after moment for me. even if one could theoretically hold fast to beliefs about personal responsibility and agency, one couldn’t reasonably fault the girls for the way the community treated them afterward imo. i was open to the possibility the girls weren’t victims. i wasn’t open at all to the possibility they were affirmatively guilty of anything. if they had ptsd from the way the community reacted that was clearly in my mind a proper element of damages if the jury found liability

this is one of the reasons statutory rape laws make sense: adults should foresee those consequences to the kids and recognize the immorality of proceeding. even if the kids in their own minds at the time think they’re consenting or plan to consent and then change their minds at the last minute

anyway the next big insight was another different case years later. a relatively minor motor vehicle incident occurred. plaintiff was a passenger and suffered a small and fully healed injury that may have not even kept her out of work iirc. but she claimed ptsd. there was concern any meaningful recovery rested entirely on ptsd for what sounded on paper like a minor accident and small injuries

but no, the expert concurred with the diagnosis and when my colleague came back from an in person meeting with her, his assessment was: don’t worry, the damages are there

you have to listen to people. she had a bad feeling in her gut the whole trip. she didn’t trust the guy’s driving and she didn’t trust the vehicle and she was hating herself and the decision to come. and that morning was the worst. the feeling in her gut was reaching panic levels. and sure enough

i don’t recall all the details now of why the accident was more traumatic from her perspective than what it seemed on paper. i think i remember she really did think she was going to die. the writer can fill in the rest. imagine she soiled herself and had to spend hours in that state dealing with cops and medical personnel and this guy and having to rely on this guy now because she’s so shaken she can’t function well enough to get back home without him. etc

the medical experts were doing a better job of getting to the Stories than the story teller

around this time i held a dying beloved cat in my arms while she died under circumstances so horrific i have never been able to speak it to other people. or write it. it would be evil to do so because it would make your life worse forever having heard it

and i had symptoms for quite a long time i recognized from legal work as ptsd. i thought of it as “mild ptsd,” which seemed logical and reasonable under the circumstances, and went about my ways

later various mental health professionals including the neuropsych would ask me about trauma and i was always like yes there are some things but i really feel like if this is about trauma, then it’s about trauma from the medical issues themselves, the way my family reacted after i got sick and spoke out during metoo, and the impairment of my relationship with [redacted]—not all this past stuff

i don’t think i really opened my eyes to longer standing things until after i wrote this. i’m still processing. i only recently started reading the hard copy of my neuropsych report. my new docs are still reading it. i’m definitely going to pursue the type of counseling they recommend. one thing that’s occurred to me is the parallels in my own life to that old case:

i really don’t think that stranger assault gave me ptsd. i remember being enraged that i needed to experience trauma in order for a violation of my bodily integrity to be treated as a serious crime. must a man demonstrate trauma for a violation of his most private orifice to be considered a crime?? genuinely curious how many people see it as a more serious transgression irrespective of trauma if it happen to a man

in any event, it was the way my dad reacted to me telling the story of that assault during me too that might have caused ptsd. that was over the exact same time that i was becoming so sick. and it fits so well those expert’s opinions in that old case. sometimes it’s not just the event itself that causes the trauma but the way people react

but what i had never thought of before that post—because even recently i guess i was still too conditioned to see it as “letting it happen”—is that the incident in my own house might be a source of trauma. that feels right. because writing that was a before and after moment for me. i hated that experience so so much and i think on some level i’ve been hating myself for it all these years: you fucking PUSSY!! you couldn’t even stop it in your own house with family a scream away? [i know it’s a gendered insult. is the rest of the sentence??]

now i think i’m angry at society

but literally tomorrow i could have some whole new and different insight

i’m cookie dough in an old witch’s body. sometimes it happens that way. yes i get sad about it. you shouldn’t. i’m still a very creative Writer and you haven’t heard how the story turns out”

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legends-of-time · 9 months ago

Text

Amelia’s Story (BBC Merlin Story)

Chapter 6: The Dragon's Call

Masterlist

Amelia's POV

Amelia slowly opens her eyes and glances to her left where she sees daylight creeping through the curtains that her maidservant, Anne, had closed the previous night. As she opens the curtains she can see that the sun is still rising over the trees and she wonders why she had woken up so early in the day.

Amelia's thoughts are broken by the sound of the door to her Chambers. As she glances over her shoulders, she can see that it is Anne.

"You're early today Anne," Amelia says in a confused tone.

"It is the execution today My Lady. You informed me that you wanted to get ready early," Anne responds.

The execution of course...

Amelia sighs and moves towards the basin of water Anne had brought in to wash her face. Amelia then moves towards the screen in the corners of her Chambers so that Anne can assist her with changing into her clothes for the day. Even though Amelia has been in this world for over 20 years now, she was still not completely used to someone assisting her with every little thing.

As she then sits down at her dresser so that Anne can do her hair.

"What is the matter, My Lady?" She asks having noticed Amelia's sullen face

"It's just the execution, Anne," Amelia answers. "I feel like Uther is doing the wrong thing by executing this man. I do not believe that he is evil."

"I'm sure the King knows what he is doing My Lady," Anne says attempting to reassure her.

From what Amelia can remember of the TV show from her previous life, she knows magic is not evil, it is how the person uses it but Amelia understands why Anne is saying this. She has been brought up with the belief that magic has been evil all her life. Amelia knows Uther tried to convince her as well but because she already was mentally an adult with her own opinions, Amelia could not be so easily influenced. She already knew her own mind.

When Anne finishes helping her get ready, Amelia leaves her Chambers and begins walking toward Morgana's. As she walks along the corridors, servants step aside to let her through and even though Amelia should be used to this type of treatment, she can tell you that she still finds it very weird.

——

When Amelia reaches Morgana's Chambers, she simply steps right inside (her and Morgana have long since given up knocking on each other's doors) and sees Morgana looking forlornly out of her window. She walks up to the woman she has grown to love as a sister.

Morgana glances at Amelia and tries to give her a smile though she is not successful. Amelia immediately hurries to give her a hug. Morgana clings to her as Amelia glances over her shoulder towards the window; her own Chambers do not face the Main Square as Morgana's does.

Through the window, Amelia can see the crowds gathered around the stand where the execution block stands. She has been excited but also dreading this day. This is the day that Merlin comes to Camelot but it is also the day that an innocent man will meet his death.

The dreaded drums begin to beat as the man is led by Guards towards his fate. Morgana lifts her head from Amelia's shoulder to look out of the window again.

Amelia then hears Uther begin his speech: "Let this serve as a lesson to all. This man, Thomas James Collins, is adjudged guilty of conspiring to use enchantments and magic. And, pursuant to the laws of Camelot, I, Uther Pendragon, have decreed that such practices are banned on penalty of death. I pride myself as a fair and just King, but for the crime of sorcery, there is but one sentence I can pass."

Hypocrite.

Uther raises his arm, then lowers it as a signal to the executioner. Morgana and Amelia turn their heads away, not wanting to see the man lose his head. The sudden thump and the gasps can be heard so they know it has been done.

"When I came to this land, this Kingdom was mired in chaos, but with the people's help magic was driven from the realm. So I declare a festival to celebrate twenty years since the Great Dragon was captured and Camelot freed from the evil of sorcery. Let the celebrations begin."

But as soon as Uther finishes his speech, a wailing wafts up from among the crowd. The crowd breaks away to reveal Mary Collins, the now deceased Tom Collin's mother.

"There is only one evil in this land, and it is not magic! It is you!" She cries. "With your hatred and your ignorance! You took my son! And I promise you, before these celebrations are over, you will share my tears. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a son for a son."

Clearly uncomfortable with this, Uther immediately orders the Guards to seize her. But before the Guards can reach her, Mary has already begun chanting and disappears in a whirl of wind and smoke.

"I wonder what will happen now," Morgana wonders. Amelia can only nod knowing what will happen but also knowing that everything will be resolved and be okay for the time being.

She stays with Morgana for the rest of the day comforting her. She gets very upset after every execution and would often rant angrily about Uther. It is at this time that Amelia cannot help but think about evil Morgana in the later seasons.

——

Later, Morgana and Amelia are looking out the window from the Griffin Landing. They stand in silence both caught up in their own thoughts before they are broken by the sound of footsteps though neither turn around.

"Amelia. Morgana." Uther says as he walks towards them.

"Yes?" Morgana says still looking out of the window while Amelia just glances over her shoulder at him not showing any emotions on her face. She has unnervingly gotten good at it.

"What is this? Why are you both not joining us at the feast?"

"We just don't think chopping someone's head off is cause for a celebration," Amelia tells him in a cold blunt tone as he stands next to them.

"That poor mother." Morgana murmurs.

"It was simple justice for what he'd done," says Uther in a tone that sounds annoyed clearly expressing how many times he's had to say this type of thing.

"To whom? He practiced some magic, he didn't hurt anyone." Amelia says, glaring at him.

"You were not around twenty years ago, you have no idea what it was like," Uther says in an increasingly angry and patronising voice.

"How long are you going to keep punishing people for what happened then?" Morgana says in her own increasingly angry voice.

"Until they realise there is no room for magic in my Kingdom! You will be with me when I greet Lady Helen." Uther responds. Amelia tries to not show him how affected she is by his shouting, trying to be strong like Morgana is.

"We told you! We want no part in these celebrations!" Amelia calls after him as he begins to walk away.

Uther turns back towards them as they glare at him. "I'm your guardian!" He growls. "I expect you to do as I ask. If you show me no respect at least respect our finest singer." Before he turns around and once again begins walking away from them.

"You know, the more brutal you are, the more enemies you will create!" Amelia yells after him. Uther does not turn around as he turns the corner. Seeing how agitated Amelia looks, Morgana grabs her hand, something they have done since they were children to comfort one another.

"There's no point trying to convince him otherwise," Morgana utters quietly.

"I know."

——

Amelia wakes up the next morning feeling very excited about what will happen. Things are going to become much more interesting now that Merlin has arrived. She hopes to introduce herself somehow, she'll have to wait for her opportunity.

After repeating the same usual routine, she decides to perhaps walk to the Lower Town to maybe talk to some people and look at the stalls. As Amelia steps outside of the Castle with Anne following behind her, she hears a commotion near where the Drawbridge is.

"What is going on?" Anne murmurs.

"Let's look," Amelia says running towards the commotion. In her previous life, she did not do much exercise, which caused her to get stitches from just walking for 10 minutes... down a hill. However, since coming into this world, she has to do a lot more exercising (riding, sword fighting) so she actually is quite successful in running over to the noise without getting a stitch despite the dress she is wearing.

Nearing the crowds, Amelia can now see that Arthur had twisted Merlin's arm behind his back. She cringes; she had forgotten about this bit...

"I'll have you thrown in jail for that." Arthur barks.

"What, who do you think you are? The King?" Oh, Merlin...

"No. I'm his son, Arthur." The way that Merlin's shoulders slumped, you can tell that he has realised how much trouble he is in.

Arthur then takes Merlin out at the knees before turning around and ordering some Guards to take him to the Cells.

"Amelia," Arthur cries cheerfully when he notices her. "Did you see that? Not very bright is he?!"

"No Arthur." Amelia murmurs angrily before turning away from him, Anne following her, not trying to see if he has actually heard her.

There are times like this when Amelia has to remind herself that Arthur will not always be this bad and that he will grow as a person with Merlin's help.

——

After meeting Lady Helena the previous night, Amelia goes with Gaius to release Merlin from his Cell. She approached Gaius earlier hoping to help him with Merlin, he seemed a bit surprised by her insistence. He asked her why and Amelia simply replied with, "Anyone that stands up to Arthur deserves help".

She follows Gaius as he moves towards where Merlin's Cell is and as they reach the Cell, they can see Merlin leaning his head towards the floor as if he was trying to hear something. Perhaps he was hearing the Dragon? Amelia's memories of the show are not perfect since it had been so long since she has watched it.

Merlin immediately jumps up when the Cell door opens and spins around towards them.

"Merlin!" Gaius cries walking up to him as soon as the door opened while Amelia stays outside of the Cell waiting for her opportunity.

Gaius sighs, "You never cease to amaze me! The one thing that someone like you should do is keep your head down, and what do you do? You behave like an idiot."

Merlin sheepishly looks to the floor murmuring "I'm sorry."

"You're lucky. Gaius and I managed to pull a few strings to get you released." Amelia says announcing her presence. This causes Merlin's head to snap towards her in an almost comical fashion.

"This is Lady Amelia Hallewell, one of the King's wards." Gaius introduces.

"My Lady," Merlin says almost bowing, Amelia scrunches up her nose. She still does not like it when people did that. Gaius notices and gives her an amused look. When he realises what Amelia had said, Merlin suddenly springs up. "Did you say that I'm free to go? Oh, thank you! Thank you!" He cries.

Gaius gives him a disapproving look for being so excited.

"I won't forget this," Merlin exclaims. Gaius and Amelia look at each other grimacing as they know what is about to happen.

"Well, there is a small price to pay," Gaius says. This causes Merlin's happy expression to drop.

——

Before long Merlin is in the stocks in the Lower Town being pelted with rotten fruit and vegetables by children. Gaius and Amelia cannot help but laugh at his disgruntled expression. Amelia decides to walk over to him and have a little fun when she sees the children leave to get more rotten fruit and vegetables.

"Having fun?" Amelia asks in an amused tone.

"No My Lady," He grumbles.

"Please call me Amelia," Amelia says. "I hope we can be friends."

"Of course My L- Amelia," He says with an embarrassed smile on his face, trying not to open his mouth as the children are still throwing food at him. Amelia simply laughs in response. She then notices Gwen approaching them.

"Hello Gwen," Amelia says with a smile.

"Hello Amelia," she responds softly before turning to Merlin. "I'm Guinevere, but most people call me Gwen. I'm the Lady Morgana's maid."

"Right. I'm Merlin." He awkwardly reached his hand further out of the stocks to shake hers in an equally awkward handshake. Sweet. "Although, most people just call me Idiot."

"No, no, no. I saw what you did. It was so brave." Gwen hurriedly says.

"I agree," Amelia says warmly.

Merlin gives an adorably awkward smile before saying, "It was stupid."

"Well, I'm glad you walked away. You weren't going to beat him." Oh, Gwen.

"Oh, I- I can beat him." Merlin snorts.

"You think? Because you don't look like one of these big, muscle-y kind of fellows." Oh dear, maybe she should intervene but it is so adorable and awkward to watch.

"Thanks," Merlin says in an offended tone.

"No! No, I'm sure you're stronger than you look. It's just, erm... Arthur's one of these real rough, tough, save the world kind of men, and... well..." Gwen stumbles before trailing off.

"What?"

"You don't look like that." At this point, Amelia cannot help but laugh out loud at this.

"Very smooth Gwen," She says chuckling.

Merlin then motions for the two to come closer and then whispers, "I'm in disguise."

Gwen then lets out a laugh, Amelia joining her. "Well, I can say for both of us when I say it's great you stood up to him," Amelia says.

"What? You think so?" Merlin says hopefully.

"Arthur's a bully, and everyone thought you were a real hero," Gwen says admiringly.

"Oh, yeah?"

Gwen nods, "Mm-hmm." They all then spot the children returning with more rotten fruit.

"Oh, excuse me, Guinevere, Amelia. My fans are waiting."

Gwen and Amelia share a smile before scurrying off together, they can both hear the laughter of the children as they start to pelt him.

——

Later as Amelia walks through the Lower Town looking at the stalls, she notices a commotion in front of her and as she walks closer Amelia sees Arthur and Merlin in the middle of the crowd. Oh, dear.

She sees that she has appeared to have arrived at the tail end of the fight as she pushes her way through the crowd and stands next to Gaius to see what is going to happen.

Arthur backs up, catching his foot in a bucket and falling over backwards. Merlin, thrilled by his victory, looks up at the crowd and spots Gaius giving him a disapproving stare and pauses. Arthur notices this and attacks him from behind with a broom, knocking him to the ground. Guards quickly step forward and begin picking Merlin up.

"Wait," Arthur calls to them. "Let him go. He may be an idiot, but he's a brave one." Before stepping up to Merlin. "There's something about you, Merlin. I can't quite put my finger on it."

Amelia does not follow as Merlin scurries off with Gaius following. Partly because she knows that at this moment she is not supposed to 'know' about Merlin's magic yet and can't really have an excuse for being there. Though it is also because Arthur once again notices her and pulls her by the arm towards the Castle while informing her of how she shouldn't get involved, which has been a running theme since Arthur decided that Morgana and her should stay away from the 'men' stuff.

——

No one's POV

"Oi!" Gaius cries as he walks into Merlin's Chamber as the boy is just waking up. "Have you seen the state of this room?!"

"It just happens." Merlin mumbles.

"By magic?" Gaius sarcastically asks.

"Yeah."

Exasperated, Gaius simply replies, "Yes. Well, you can clear it up without magic. And then I want you to get me some herbs: henbane, wormwood, and sorrel. And deliver these to Morgana and Amelia. Poor girls are suffering from nightmares."

"Mmm, I know the feeling," Merlin murmurs to himself as Gaius leaves his room.

——

Amelia's POV

Amelia has once again snuck past the Guards and is scurrying down the steps to where the Dragon is kept. She often visited him during her time in Camelot with the aim to not only learn more from him, not that he told her much, but also to keep him company until Merlin arrived as he will get plenty of company then.

"Kilgharrah?" Amelia calls out. After a moment of silence she continues, "Don't try and scare me again, I do not appreciate it!"

"Of course young one," he booms as he flies down to his rock. "I learnt my lesson when you threatened with burning me alive."

Amelia shakes her head in exasperation, which seems to be what she always does when she talks to him.

"Have you talked to Merlin yet?" Amelia asks deciding to change the topic.

"I have spoken to the young Warlock," Kilgharrah answers in a humoured tone. "He seemed as irritated as you used to be."

"Well, I am no longer as irritated as I have learnt not to expect a straight answer from you." Amelia rebuts. "You tell him about his destiny?"

"I did. I assume you are wondering whether you will know about his magic?"

"Well obviously!" Amelia answers exasperated, a common mood around him.

"Time will tell young one." He answers cryptically. "You will find the right moment."

"Hmmm... as clear as always Kilgharrah," She speaks sarcastically. "What about how our destinies will link?"

"Again you will see as your path unfolds."

She sighs, "I will have to go now. People expect me."

"Of course, until the next time young one."

——

Amelia is walking towards Morgana's door after speaking with the Dragon when she hears Morgana ask, "Be a darling and pass me that dress, will you Amelia?" This confuses her as Amelia knows she can not be talking to her as she is not even in the room.

When she peers round the door, Amelia can see Merlin panicking before fetching the dress while Morgana can be seen behind the screen undressing. Ah, now she knows what is happening. Yet when realising what scene this is, Amelia does not want to interrupt as it looks as hilarious as she remembered with seeing Merlin panic and Morgana being completely unawares.

"I mean, the man's a total jouster," Morgana utters as Merlin places the gown on the screen. "And just because I'm one of the King's wards, does not mean either you or I have to accompany him to the feast, does it." After no response, Morgana repeats in a questioning tone, "Well, does it?"

"Mm-Mmm," Merlin says in a funny high pitched voice while shaking his head. Amelia sniggers behind her hand as she stands by the door, receiving odd looks from servants passing by.

"If he wants me to go, then he should invite me, and he hasn't," Morgana says in an exasperated tone as Merlin jerks about in a panicked fashion trying to figure a way out of his situation again making Amelia laugh quietly.

"So do you know what that means?" Morgana asks.

Merlin again utters in a high pitched voice, "Mm-Mmm." While shaking his head.

"Where are you, Amelia?" Morgana asks looking over the screen causing Merlin to hurriedly hold up one of her cloaks to hide his face.

"Here," Merlin says in a high pitched voice while peeking through the neck of the cloak. She does not sound like that.

"It means you and I will go together and show everyone that we do not need any man to accompany us." That makes Amelia smile.

She does not know how Morgana has not realised that it is not her she is talking to but that may be due to the probability Merlin did not knock, which is a usual indicator that Amelia has entered her Chambers.

Merlin puts the cloak down and starts to leave, however not before Morgana says, "I need some help with this fastening."

This sends Merlin into high panic mode as he looks around at a loss for what to do. Amelia knows she should put him out of his misery so she enters the room behind him.

"Amelia?"

"I'm here," Amelia answers trying to control her laughter as Merlin spins around to face her then sighs with relief once he realises who is behind him.

Amelia gives him a small smile. "What are you doing here?" She mouths.

Merlin motions that Morgana needs help dressing, smiling adorably.

Amelia laughs silently while gesturing to him that he should leave. After he scurries away, Amelia walks behind the screen to help Morgana. She had agreed to come round earlier to help her decide on what to wear for the feast while Gwen completed other chores.

Amelia follows Morgana out from behind the screen as she begins holding up the different dresses she had come out carrying.

"So, it's whether I wear this little tease..." She smirks as she spins around towards her, changing what dress she was holding up to a maroon gown. "...or give them a night they'll really remember."

Amelia laughs. "The second one."

"You should put on something similar!" Morgana declares. "Then we will really make an entrance."

——

When the evening comes about, Morgana and Amelia walk towards the Banquet Hall with their arms linked. Morgana wears her maroon dress that has no sleeves being held up by being tied around her neck with a circlet around her head. While Amelia wears an off the shoulder dress with long sleeves with a similar circlet around her own head. Though while Morgana has all of her dark, almost black, hair tied up, Amelia only has the front parts of her brown hair tied behind her head.

"Ready?" Morgana asks knowing how Amelia is not a big fan of being the centre of attention.

"Of course," Amelia says reassuringly. Court members would have already entered the Hall, which is important for Morgana and Amelia's entrance.

Amelia clings to her arm as they enter and everyone turns to look at them. Amelia takes in a deep breath and strides down the aisle between the tables without looking at anyone.

Once they get to the end, Amelia turns around and notices some people have turned away to continue to talk to one another while some continue to stare.

"Morgana, Amelia you both look well," Arthur says approaching them.

While everyone only know Arthur and Morgana as cousins and that means there still is this expectation of them possibly marrying, which Amelia finds a bit strange. Nonetheless, it does not seem to be an issue here. However, Amelia finds it especially weird with Morgana and Arthur, probably because she knows they are actually brother and sister. Yet if they do not marry, it is expected that Arthur and Amelia might marry, but she sees him as her brother and is very much against it.

Other Court members also approach Morgana and Amelia to talk with them; Amelia lets Morgana lead these conversations. While she has become more confident while living here in Camelot, she is still the person that only talked more with people she is comfortable with and know.

Amelia notices Merlin by one of these tables as Gwen appears to be walking away from him and decides to talk to him.

"Excuse me," Amelia says to the noble in front of her before walking over to Merlin. "Hello," Amelia says when she reaches him.

Merlin jumps spinning around to face her and begins gaping at her like he is a fish.

"Merlin?" Amelia asks laughing awkwardly. He quickly stops.

"H-hello Amelia, you look n-nice," he stammers. He smiles bashfully.

"Oh...thank you," Amelia says sheepishly, looking down at her outfit. "Is this your first feast?" She is desperately trying to make small talk.

"Y-yes!" He says enthusiastically. "It is amazing!"

"Well, you will get bored with them after a while," Amelia speaks. "Though you are lucky that Lady Helena is performing at your very first feast." While Amelia knows that it isn't actually going to happen, the Dragon, soon after she met him, said she has to keep up the pretence.

"The reason for this feast is quite sad though," Amelia says daringly wondering what his reaction would be. She knows he was at the execution where Uther mentioned that the feast tonight would be celebrating the capture of the Great Dragon and 'freedom' from sorcery.

"W-what makes you say that?" He says nervously glancing around him at the people standing around them.

"Well," Amelia says lowering her voice. "We are celebrating the persecution of people who did nothing wrong but be themselves. I think that is wrong."

"Y-you really mean that?" He asks almost hopefully.

"I do," Amelia says with a slight smile on her face prior to turning away from him and walking back to where Morgana is standing.

——

It is a little later when everyone moves to their places at the table as the celebratory horns signalled Uther's entrance; Amelia notices Merlin standing in a corner near the head table. Arthur sits on Uther's right while Morgana sits on his left with Amelia on her other side.

Standing in front of his seat, Uther begins his speech, "We have enjoyed twenty years of peace and prosperity. It has brought the Kingdom and myself many pleasures, but few can compare with the honour of introducing Lady Helen of Mora." They all applaud and as the music begins, they all take their seats.

Amelia takes a deep breath, this is it.

Helena begins to sing. Everyone begins nodding off to sleep. Amelia quickly covers her ears, when she notices Merlin doing the same. He glances over at her and the two of them make eye contact. Cobwebs begin forming over the enchanted sleepers. Merlin is looking at Helena, who is staring at Arthur as she walks forward.

As she pulls a dagger from her sleeve, Amelia looks back over to Merlin with a panicked look on her face. "What do we do?!" She hurriedly mouths to him. Instead of answering her, Merlin looks down as if debating with himself, probably because he knows his next actions would reveal his magic to her. He then looks up directly at the chandelier and as his eyes flash gold, the chandelier drops on Helena as she raises her arm to throw the dagger.

The break in her concentration on maintaining the spell through her song causes everyone to wake up and pull the cobwebs off themselves while muttering. Amelia hurriedly does the same. Everyone either leans forward in their seats or stands up to look at what is now Mary Collins lying on the floor.

Mary raises herself up enough to throw the dagger at Arthur. But before the dagger slices into Arthur's chair, Merlin reaches Arthur and pulls him out of harm's way. They then tumble to the floor. Mary then collapses on the floor dead after witnessing that her last attempt at revenge failed.

Tearing their eyes from the dead woman, everyone turns towards Merlin. He looks somewhat nervous so Amelia gives him a small smile in an attempt to comfort him.

"You saved my boy's life. A debt must be repaid." Uther then speaks gratefully, breaking the silence.

"Oh, well..." Merlin says bashfully.

"Don't be so modest." Uther insists. "You shall be rewarded."

"No, honestly, you don't have to, Your Highness." Merlin pointlessly refutes.

"No, absolutely. This merits something quite special."

"Well..." Merlin says with a small smile on his face. You won't be looking that happy in a minute Merlin...

"You shall be rewarded a position in the royal household. You shall be Prince Arthur's manservant." She doesn't think Uther understands what a reward actually means.

They all begin to applaud after Uther finishes his statement.

"Father!" Arthur objects indignantly.

Amelia can't help but laugh quietly as Arthur and Merlin look away from each other unhappily.

——

After Anne had helped her get dressed for bed, Amelia sneaks out and starts heading towards Gaius's Chambers. She feels like she has to talk to Merlin and basically reassure him that she is not going to tell anyone about him and also to tell him that she does not think him a monster or evil.

Once she gets to the door, Amelia knocks gently before poking her head around the door. Amelia notices Gaius standing at one of the tables sorting out his bottles and pots of god knows what.

When he looks at her, Amelia smiles sheepishly. "I was looking for Merlin?" Amelia asks.

"He is in his room," he says gently while pointing towards the door at the end of the room they are in. Amelia steps into the room fully and looks at him questioningly, wondering if he knows that she has seen Merlin use magic. Seeing her look, Gaius speaks, "Yes he told me."

Amelia nods and walks to Merlin's door and knocks. Amelia hears ruffling before the door opens.

"Gaius what do you- Amelia?" Merlin speaks in surprise. He looks over her head at Gaius before ushering her into his Chamber. Amelia smiles slightly at all the mess.

"I meant what I said before," Amelia decides to start with. "I think it is wrong to persecute people with magic just because they have it and I do not know whose good idea it was for you to Camelot of all places."

Merlin laughs slightly. "It was my mother's. She believed I needed a mentor." He speaks before becoming nervous. "So you do not think I am a monster or anything?"

"No Merlin!" Amelia immediately says. "Of course not!" Merlin smiles thankfully. "I was wondering though, how long have you had magic?"

"My whole life" Merlin answers. "Gaius gave me this magic book to learn spells." He then grabs a book that is lying on the floor. Not very well hidden Merlin.

For the next hour, Merlin shows her the different pages of spells and which ones he will try to learn first but once Amelia begins yawning too often, they realise that they should continue another time.

"Thank you, Merlin," Amelia says with a smile while moving towards the door.

"N-no thank you!" He insists.

"It's nothing."

"No, it is not nothing!" Merlin again insists.

Amelia smiles and before she opens the door, she turns towards him, "I'm not going to tell anyone by the way." Amelia then turns away and opened the door and travels the journey to her own Chambers.

——

A/N: I hope I wrote that last scene alright. I was trying not to make it a copy of someone else's work.

Since in my story Ygraine and Vivienne are sisters, Arthur and Morgana are cousins, which I think brings an interesting complexity.

Please leave comments on how you're enjoying this story and what you think.

#bbc merlin #merlin

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mxfitmatrix · 1 year ago

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I think a good chunk of the big heavy thing im feeling right now is left over grief from cutting my mom out of my life.

She was easily the 2nd most important person to me other than my brother for most of my life. She taught me to survive and to be ok with being silly as an adult. She created the holiday magic with me and stayed up late when I couldnt sleep because she couldnt sleep.

The older I get, the more my body becomes like hers. I have a lot of her health conditions now, and I look and sound a lot like her some days.

Then my heart shatters because I hear from my brother and his gf that shes supposidly forgotten why i left. Why i cant come back. She fell into some very narcissistic patterns and she had us so well trained to feed into them, to the point that I still feel guilty from time to time for holding my ground. But everytime I think, you know what its been a few months, maybe i can reach back out and we can talk and maybe i can express my conditions for coming back and we can work together to repair things. Then she lies and manipulates and it breaks my heart again.

This year I have to go through the holidays without the magic her traditions bring. They were dying for a while, but it still brings some whiplash when I have the urge to ask her when we are making krispelli or if she wants to do a yule celebration.

She just proved this week, and mind you its only wednesday as i type this (this shit started sunday night), that she has not grown at all, and if anything is getting worse as my brother begins to disconnect from her since her scapegoat is gone. Shes forgotten that her husband wanted to have me arrested if I stepped foot on property again, and that its because of their actions that i cant come over. Its not my choice, its respecting a boundary at best and being incredibly cautious over a man who cannot be anything less than the best in the room at all times always at worst. I cant fix them, and its not my job to. But im still sad. I dont have much hope that things will change.

Funny thing is, this is perpetuating family cycles too. It should be obvious to her whats happening. She did the same thing to her mom over 10 years ago! She cut my gma out of our lives because she didnt care about her kids.

And honestly I hope that she does know whats going on at some level. I hope she does know that shes wrong but isnt ready to fix it yet. The alternative is so much more painful and I'm not sure that I can reconsile that with my inner child in a way that will not fundamentally break me.

How do you handle it when your greatest hero becomes the ultimate villain after all?

All that to say, I'm feelin big sad, but I know its whats best for me right now. I am trying to look forward to new traditionsand hopefully breaking the bad luck surrounding me trying to help plan events.

Fucking love planning events. Would love it if people showed up to them sometime. (To be very clear and fair: 95% of cancellations are emergencies, unavoidable circumsyances like illness, and weird things that need to be taken care of. I refuse to blame my friends because they all try to show up in other ways and its a huge improvement over what used to be and i love them so deeply for it.)

So here's to ending generational trauma, the strange grief that comes from going low/no contact, and to any traditions that bring you joy in these cold dark months.

#jo babbles #aka time to process some big feelings before i have a meltdown

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casspurrjoybell-26 · 1 year ago

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Made of Steele - Chapter 7

*Warning: Adult Content*

When I opened my eyes, I had to do a double look around the room until I realized where I was and who was beside me.

I was laying on top of Kit's bed, half dressed and with Kit beside me, cuddling his pillow to his body while he faced me, still fast asleep.

How the fuck did I end up in his bed?

Most importantly, what time was it?

My dad, Evan and Allie were supposed to be coming back today and I knew that if I wasn't home, they'd only get worried.

I reached for my trousers that were beside the bed and dug out my phone, I turned it on and cringed once I saw just how many missed calls and texts I had got.

Hannah had tried to ring me, multiple times and once I clicked on the text messages she sent, I am glad I missed them.

Hannah: 'Can we talk?'

Hannah: 'I love you, Jamie, please talk to me.'

Hannah: 'I'm outside your house, can you open the gate and please talk to me?'

Hannah: 'Are you home?'

Hannah: 'Jamie.'

Fuck... Why was she acting like this now?

I close her text messages and rub my forehead, feeling a small headache coming on.

I clicked on my dad's text, that was sent an hour ago and as soon as I see it, I roll my eyes and sigh.

ᴅᴀᴅ: We'll be home in 2 hours.

It was currently 5AM, so two hours... Fuck.

I double check he time on my phone again and groan out once I realize I'll be cutting it tight getting back, before they notice I didn't stay the night, which would only open a bag of questions on their end.

I jumped into my trousers and looked back at Kit on the bed, noticing that he was waking up and opening his eyes, smiling at me once he sees me.

"Morning," he sleepily says, sitting up on the bed.

"Uh, morning," I stuttered, hating that I did it. "Sorry for waking you up."

Kit had slept the same as me, with only underwear on and our socks and once I noticed his morning erection, so did he as he laughed out, scratching his head as he moves to get up from the bed.

"You're leaving?" he asked, putting on his own trousers.

I grabbed my t-shirt and put it over my head, feeling the same sexual tension as I did last night when I kissed him in his Livingroom.

Fuck, last night... I kissed him and we...

"Yeah... my dad's coming home so I should go before..." I stop myself from saying too much. "Thanks for uh last night... the food and uh..."

I felt awkward talking about last night, Kit was acting like normal, whatever that was, he was calm while I felt like I was having my first sexual experience with a single person.

In a way, this was a first for me and whilst we didn't go all the way... I had never done what we did last night, not with a guy before, not until him.

Kit came up to me and surprised me by kissing me gently on the lips, before smiling lazily at me as his hand slowly goes down my arm to my hand.

"I had a lot of fun Jamie, maybe we can do this again?" he said, asking, before cringing when he noticed my brows furrow. "Hang out I mean... uh, we don't have to do anything."

He wanted to do this again?

I don't know why but my stomach tightened and I felt breathless, it made me feel sick, yet I didn't feel like throwing up, it was a strange feeling I wasn't even close to being used to.

Being with Kit made me feel good, yet guilty at the same time and I hated that I had no reason to feel guilty but when I thought of Hannah... and my dad...

"Sure."

I hated this feeling.

Kit smiled again and let go of my hand and I bent down to pick up my hoodie, then I followed him out of is dark lit room and into the hallway of his apartment, where my shoes were.

Once I had all my things and my shoes on, I stood by the front door of his apartment and turned around to look at Kit, standing there watching me.

"See you later, Jamie."

I nodded my head and slowly turned around and opened the door, taking one last look at Kit before I close the door behind me, Kit's eyes on me until I couldn't see him anymore.

══════════════════

I made it just in time, my dad, Evan and Allie arriving only just ten minutes after me.

I had a quick shower and changed my clothes and whilst I had to leave for school in thirty minutes, Evan had wanted to show me all the things they saw before I left.

"Next time we should all go there together, Jamie, we found the best little lake near the cabin," Evan said, sitting beside me, before showing me a picture on his phone.

The pictures looked great and whilst I wasn't particularly interested in my dad's cabin, I was happy that they all had fun, after knowing how hectic Evan's schedule was and how badly they wanted to get away from it all.

"Wow," I smiled, seeing how happy he was, especially when my dad walked back into the room.

"Allie's asleep, finally," he huffed out, before coming sitting in a loveseat opposite me and Evan on the sofa.

"Shouldn't you be getting to school?" my dad asked, staring me down. "Do you want a lift?"

I shook my head, handed Evan's phone back and got up from the sofa.

"No, I was just about to leave."

"OH," Evan quickly got up from the sofa and went into a bag beside the sofa and got a box that had a bow wrapped around it.

"You mentioned you liked toffee, there was this awesome British toffee collection in one of the few shops near the cabin, I thought Hannah might like some too, so I got extra."

Ah... now I see, as while I didn't exactly tell anyone yet, I thought they already knew because Hannah had a way of making everything everyone's business, especially if it involved us.

"Um," I bit the inside of my cheek, handing back the box to Evan, making him frown as he looked at me. "We actually broke up," I rubbed my neck, noticing my dad's brows raise from the corner of my eye. "I ended things."

"What?" Evan frowns. "That's... fuck... I'm sorry Jamie."

I shrugged, not really wanting to talk about it right now, especially with my dad in the room, who has not said a word yet.

"That's probably why she rang me last night, good thing I didn't answer," Evan mumbled to himself as I sigh out.

He looked at me and smiles.

"Don't worry about it, Jamie, just know if you ever want to talk about it or want to get drunk and forget all about her, I'll be there. So will your dad's wine collection," he added, cheekily.

"Evan," my dad stares at Evan, who just shrugs and smirks, sitting back on the sofa.

"He's an adult, lighten up Don," he sticks his tongue out at my dad, who just huffs.

"You're going to be late," Dad adds, as I look at the time on my phone and hiss out when I see that he is right.

"Thanks Evan," I smile at him, before nodding at my dad before I leave the room, the sound of my dad scolding Evan the moment I am within hearing distance, making a small smile reach my lips.

As much as I tried to have a good relationship with my dad, it came easier with Evan, something I did not expect but he is so spirited and easy to talk to and because of him I now felt closer to my dad, despite us not having much to say.

I wanted what they had.

At first, I thought it would come, when I was with Hannah but when we were along, we never joked, we never teased or laughed like my dad did with Evan.

I was sometimes jealous that it came so easy to them, that despite both being years apart, they still connected as if they were one person.

That was love, at-least to me.

Was I even capable of being like that with someone?

And if I was, could Kit be that person?

It was still too soon to tell but one thing for sure was, whenever I was with him... I laughed and genuinely have a fun time with him.

Everything was so complicated, even now more than ever.

It was Friday, and I'll be seeing Kit again in just a short while and while back to what happened between us last night, I was not nervous, nor did I regret it a single bit, if anything...

I was excited to see him, to feel that same emotion I felt when I kissed him.

Kit liked me, he wanted to spend time with me and even though he's a guy, I liked that when I was around him, I didn't have to pretend, I didn't have to be Jamie Steele, son of a billionaire, I was free.

I was starting to like being around Kit and I liked Kit as a person but could I see myself being with him?

That was still a question I had no answers for.

Well, however today plays out, I was going to see him again and whilst I knew Hannah would be waiting to ambush me, I now knew what I wanted and what I did not want.

I wanted to be happy, and I didn't want to be with Hannah anymore.

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