#he traps me and i cant turn to anyone. nobody notices. nobody acknowledges.
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we're going to have our own safe home again and then we can process the. aughh
#i kind of forget how much that bothered me. why did i have to reach out#make up your mind. dont you hate him??? didnt he hurt you too???? why won't you look at me. why wont you think about.#the implications. why did nobody ever think to worry about me#every person in his life who he hurt knew i existed i was right there the whole time and none of them ever stopped to wonder#if i was ok. none of them thought the things he woukd say or do IN FRONT OF THEM were signs of anything bad#my telling her i am there to talk and she still sees me as a child and assumes i cant have an adult conversation abt him.#but apparently seeing me as a child doesnt extend to bothering to protect me from him.#she knew. they all knew. i said it to their faces . fucking so many cries for help but im just a spoiled brat#one of them said i had him wrapped around my finger. haha#i was nine years old... and that was during the worst of it too. in the apartment w him. i was so scared all the time#was i really that invisible or did nobody want to bother to look?#after everything he did to all those women and girls not a single one of them ever considered his daughter.#man like that but sure he must be a great dad. because he says he is idk. because he loves me so much and they can all tell#he traps me and i cant turn to anyone. nobody notices. nobody acknowledges.#i feel guilty for reaching out TO HIS EX GIRLFRIEND and asking if she wanted to talk about being abused that i was here. to talk.#and what. she turned around and told him??? she ignored me??????#she full well knows. she must. he abused her and injured her more badly than he did me#even though he compared what happened with her and what happened with me#. even then. she must have at least wondered if he hurt me too right.#but she never did bother. nobody ever bothered to wonder about me.#why should i feel guilty for reaching out to HER as an adult asking if SHE is okay.#maybe she should have tried even a little bit when i was a kid and i needed help.
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