#(I feel like it'll be easier)
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Alright, here we go again. I'm sorry that you all want to feel righteous and just but not voting or voting third party is only going to make everything worse. Of course the dems are fucked up politicians too but if you are going to just not vote for anyone bc of the genocide, then you are voting indirectly for that orange fucker to be back in office. And not only is he for the genocide in Palestine, he is for various other types of genocide and other egregious behaviors as we've seen.
#if both parties are terrible regarding the genocide then you have to look at their other talking points#kamala harris is still less crooked than trump#she is the first step in moving forward#regardless of her shitty points on the genocide she is still a democrat and it'll be easier to get other dems/leftists into office#if you want things to change you have to vote for the lesser of the two evils#i know you all want to stew in your righteousness but that isn't going to get you where you want to be#there are other things that are also important like acknowledging climate change and being pro abortion and keeping lgbtq+ rights#and we all know how donald trump feels about those points#kfi txt#kamala harris#joe biden#donald trump#politics
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I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain
Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it
i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)
really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!
undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.
i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.
people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.
peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.
it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."
so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.
people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.
autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.
#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before#and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.”#and that made sense to me i think.#but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing.#and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much.#and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed#and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology.#i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now.#and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be??#i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe.#will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore??#maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know.#i don't know what it'll mean for me.#but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way#i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think#i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed.#because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people.#peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing.#there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing.#it's a product of all of his things.#just like me! just like everyone.#so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways.#a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be.#i don't think it's something that can be simplified.#sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags.#i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual.#sci speaks
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I think if you are a library and don't have an ebook that should be illegal. when you open a library they should just give you infinity copies of every possible ebook for free.
#my diary#every day I'm tagging things 'notify me' on libby#I wish there was a way in the libby system that I could tell my library I want this ebook#but there is not#and I have yet to figure out how to request ebooks in my current library system#clevnet doesn't seem to have the functionality for that#they are allegedly updating to a new database (checks calendar) oh shit yesterday#so it'll be cool to see if that process becomes easier#anyway hi today is bad and I feel bad#but I have therapy in 3 minutes so maybe that'll make it less bad idk#I don't feel like I'm going to be particularly productive today
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Smooth cover (Patreon)
Bonus alt:
#Doodles#Pokemon#Firebland#Silverstreakshipping#Kabu#Larry#The previous post about Larry doing things because he feels like it - I mean Once He's At That Point sure but before that lol#Confessions are hard! Honesty is hard! Vulnerability is hard!! Some things are easier than baring one's whole heart all at once!#Even if they were mutually falling in love with each other - which is a very cute idea to me hehe <3 - to say it first! Ah#Larry's handling it great as you can tell lol#No pinch of desperate want no no it's all fine he's totally undetectable lol flying Well under the radar#Forces himself to un-red-face once observed haha - but did Kabu notice before it fully went away??? (Yes) (Lol)#Still struggling with drawing Kabu agh he's cute why!! Difficult!!#I am pleased with how cute their sitting chibis are in the first one tho haha#Larry sitting so polite and Kabu a bit spread out - differences in comfort and how they hold themselves ah#And yet Larry's the one who uses ''ore'' huh haha ♪#They're both cute#I do love Larry's cover of staring at Kabu as basically being another way of saying ''I can't keep my eyes off you'' lol#You're so subtle Larry he'll never notice#I am also endlessly entertained by polite characters swearing haha such an immature silliness but I like it!#Kabu just enjoying the compliment while Larry is Suffering™ lol just hang in there Larry it'll all work out#I couldn't decide at first which of the first panel to go with but smol convinced me the open desperation was funnier lol#But I still like the edit! Enjoy Larry being fully ❤️💕💖💞💗 at Kabu hehe
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saw that super wholesome video of a girl reuniting with her brothers and thought ✨✨ Hug Refs ✨✨ leaving the context of this up to you, i wonder what you cook up :'D
#HAPPY NEW YEAR!!#wanted to give you positivity :>#been a hard year#im having a Hard time drwaing#i dont want to draw and it SUCKS i feel my soul rotting bro#but it'll pass#remember that everything bad will either go away or become easier to bear#You're strong enough to overcome it#let loved ones be by you too#i talk like i do that - nah not really#not with emotional struggles#its hard to put them into words#its hard to talk in general for me#so i draw#well. used to draw#thats why i need it back so badly#imprompty venting session to let yall know whats up with me#im alive ill be okay And so will you#Hugging you all#Happy new year boys#let this one be Better#let good things come#and most importantly#do crime#tommyinit fanart#technofanart#technoblade fanart#technoblade#wilbur soot fanart#wilbur soot
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Truly believe the best way to build confidence is to look at everything from the perspective of what you can do for other people.
#it's like. if you're a shy person. have you ever stood there feeling awkward and then someone comes up and talks to you#and it's like a gift? and it's like a jewel and it stays with you? babes YOU could do that for someone else!!!!#you can get an awkward gathering started by making a few shitty jokes! you can put people at ease you can show people kindness!#'what if it goes wrong' then you try again this is something to practice! and I promise it'll get better! but think about it as practicing#a kindness and it becomes so much easier!
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as a follow up to my previous post about ideas for possible items in my kofi shop, i'm linking my profile. i always hate to ask but my family depends on me to have some sort of income for us to stay afloat. my mother can't afford the groceries this week, so i would really appreciate even the smallest donation. that also allows me to put more money aside for when we move.
hopefully in a while i'll have some items to put in my shop to make it worthwhile to donate, in the meantime i can only give you my gratitude :'D
#ko fi support#artist on kofi#kofi#ko fi link#i hate to feel like i'm begging but at the moment i don't have much of a choice :'(#the stress of this situation has brought me to my breaking point and i keep imagining that the move will fix everything but that's not true#it'll just make it a tiny bit easier#im autistic and while i can keep a calm exterior the stress and pain of this is eating me up inside#sorry i shouldn't vent here because that won't help :'D
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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Mile Phakphum Instagram Update
,,, After The Show I’ll Go Shoping🕊️ ,,,
Got Wool Coat of Dior size 48 color Beige color with Olive inside lining. Back to use 1 item. I like Long Coat very much. I can't resist seeing both of my favorite colors in the same piece. 🤪
How do you look wearing it :) ?
#mile phakphum#mile phakphum romsaithong#mile x dior#they could have put him in THESE things...and gifted them to him#smh#at least now i can look at him and not feel angry (on his behalf...not with him lol)#also...size 48...good to know...it'll make it easier for me to shop for him#his 'shoping' typo is so endearing to me#like...i literally include rules for making -ing forms of verbs in my books and this is a classic case <3
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where makin this hapen man
#this is only like half the list ksjdhgldjfhgjh i'm feeling ambitious#i went and looked up ''neko atsume poses'' and fellas you won't believe it but my old version of this showed up like 4 times#so i went ''FUCK'' realizing i AM a main source and decided to make more i guess#i mean there's lots of compiled poses but they're mostly sorted screenshots I've found#and if someone uploaded screenshots of idk shadow in every single pose/toy that'd make this easier. alas#my posts#meh it's good for me to actually have to trace things it's fun#sigh PLUS now there's versions of things in neko atsume 2 where the poses change cause the goodie broke. so.#it'll keep me busy
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the way matt creates these emotionally** flat??? characters who have family attachments to the main pcs and yet there's just something.... off about the way they display intimacy that it equally angers me, makes my skin crawl, and makes me just want to write extensively on what a master storyteller matt is. the way he presents just in this campaign alone, parental figures that on paper can easily be defended and rallied behind somehow especially if their choices played out more negatively than they intended*, and yet actually experiencing people who you, individually, care so much about in your life and who, you would just naturally believe, would also care so much about you, but there's a blip on the monitor and a disconnect that at first is so infinitesimal. until it's not. until you get bruised deeper and they look at you the same. and it's like there's no true empathetic connection. from your "loved one". it's not malice, it's not heartless or calloused, it's just.... it's surface-level and it's crossed t's and dotted i's and you know that they do not mean it to hurt you. but they also don't really mean it when they tell you they love you. and it aches so incredibly well done that matt will have these figures look into the eyes of their own and say the words and have a softness in their face, and yet have no genuine fierceness to the love they claim for someone who has so much love for them. and it's not a criticism, it's just so well done because it's such a nuanced relationship in the world and it sucks but matt always delivers it so perfectly
#cr lb#matt saying well this npc wasn't GREAT like it's Not about tearing into a person it's about Seeing that people are just different#the way birdie hears all of these dangers coming for fearne and all she says is I'm sure it'll be fine anyway and there's no Fire?#if my little sister told me any of it I would be rallying torches and sharpening knives and yet#if you told my older sister about either of us she would nod she would respond and that would be it#and it's not criticism it's just. the reality that some people will burn for you and most won't and I feel it so much in matt's depictions#and the fact that it'd be so much easier to have every associated npc fill a normal slot it's just#when you expect your mom to be worried about you and she’s just not and you want her to be and she's just not#you want your sister to care about you and she just doesn't#and it's like these fractal disappointments that of course don't matter#reaching for the hand of someone who once cradled you in their arms and they're not even reaching back
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are any of u guys on low dose T or know someone who is? or on T in general and willing to chat with me about it? ive kind of been thinking abt it nonstop for a little bit. and i think talking to someone i know personally might help me figure stuff out
#i feel like it's easier to kind of spiral and get lost reading articles and stuff so i think a conversation might be more helpful for me#scheduling this for the morning also so im not checking my phone after i go to bed 👍 so it'll probably post before im awake
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Chapter 2 Page 12
#my art#visionary#webcomic#comicfury#Another very painful slog period in my process for most of this chapter where i am slowing down a lot and can't pick up again no matter wha#i do. seemingly#The only thing to do is continue i don't know if that's the best or worst part. I have to just assume it'll get easier again at an unknown#point in time and if it doesn't i'll just do this and feel this i guess ... forever... 5+ years. No it'll definitely get better i'm just ha#ing a mood today#I like this dog. That was a good part of it#I kept looking at marion “stop glorifying that” panel and laiughing earlier in the hours so there was another highlight i spose
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Nowadays trying really fucking hard to teach to my brain that it's okay and better to "just do 10 min of this task" even if it means leaving it unfinished (but further along than before!) rather than not doing it "because when I do it I should do it all" Because jfc I can't keep leaving my house in states where I need to do 30+ minutes of dishes instead of just... doing a little everyday and at least it remains a manageable amount in the sink even if it's not always emptied...
#it's hard but i'm doing my best#im using housekeep chores as an example bc it's an easy one but really this is for everything in my life rn#better draw 10 minutes than none at all#better practise for my driving license 10 minutes than none at all#because I VERY rarely actually get the cross of energy AND motivation to do “a whole task”#rn my brain hates not doing a whole task but i'm sure with practise it'll become easier to feel rewarded for doing just a bit#at least future me thanks me every fucking time so yknow#i just have to practise enough so it doesn't feel like i'm forcing myself everytime#bc starting is always the hardest part#and even if i stop AT LEAST I DID 10 MINUTES OF THE THING SO IT'S NOT STAGNATING HOLY SHIT#i wish i was a functioning human :)#or at least a functioning artist that enjoyed drawing for 4 hours straight after work lmao#beary talk#beary ramble#beary life
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less than 20 days til i graduate and move back to my hometown.. i feel sick. what do you mean i'll never live here again
#txt#college stuff#to be deleted /#started living on campus fall 2023 and it's felt like home ever since. all my friends are here. my community is here#everything i want n everyone i love except my family is here.. i'm not ready to go back to my hometown :(#i keep reminding myself of that quote 'it'll be different but it'll be ok' and logically ik that's true#but it feels like this life i've fought to build for myself is being ripped away anyways and it hurts so badly if i think about it too long#especially since i've started packing boxes and stuff to make things easier for move out day#i don't have much stuff but i have a ton of final projects/exams/homework so. best to get a head start while i have time
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Oh my god the only way out is through
#if i want a hospital job i need more training and the easiest way to get it is. at. my job. my idiot job for chumps#alright no more fucking around!! everything i do will look good on a resume!!#it'll also give me slightly more pay as i'm on my way out. would be cool to be out before the end of the year#can't guarantee it but i would really like for it to happen!! gives me a time buffer as well which makes this more acheivable#thank you for tuning in once more to shai's adventures in health care#all i can do is pop in an earbud and half focus while ringing ppl up knowing i'm working on getting out#tbh the hope of leaving is making it feel easier on me. especially now that i know what i'll need#shai speaks
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