#(( but also she has a deeply complicated relationship to her own emotions and genuinely getting close to other people

[royalreef]

(( You wouldn’t know it from the outset — between Miranda being what we would call demiromantic, having trouble forming genuine romantic relationships due to a lot of different factors in her life, and her sexuality as a merfolk and within their culture — but if Miranda genuinely has a crush on someone, she can be very easily plied to strut her stuff for them.

In this instance, not only does this mean Miranda going through a lot more extra trouble to make sure things are perfect and that she looks perfect for her crush, but that she’ll “show off” in more merfolk-typical ways as well. She’ll fluff her fins larger than normal, flutter them more often. She’ll flash her bioluminescence brighter and in more complicated patterns over smaller things. She’ll make more sounds and louder sounds, and especially is prone to singing for the people she likes.

It’s something she feels rather embarrassed about and wouldn’t want to be directly called out on it or have attention brought to it, but there’s a part of her that really does want to show off for the people that she likes. She’ll more openly own dressing up nicely for the people she likes, or especially pampering them, or rolling out the red carpet for them, but once her body language starts to change in this way is when she especially wants to make sure they’re looking at her and liking what they see.

[emmafrostyyy]

y'all sleeping on Astarion/Lae'zel bc this moment is so...the way the flippant demeanor drops and he doesn't hesitate to call her out for sticking with her version of Cazador like their relationship is so underrated fr...

sitting down writing this bullshit like let me peel it like an onion a bit and elaborate why this pairing is fascinating to me

It's really interesting how during the most cathartic, life-altering moment in Astarion's questline, the reactions of the other companions are more about the moral wrongness/guilt of sacrificing innocent lives. Lae'zel doesn't do that and instead relates to his hurt.

She knows what's he's feeling, the lack of control, the unfairness of being powerless for too long. This is a woman who just found out her entire life purpose was built on lies, discarded and hunted by her own people after outliving her usefulness, and groomed to basically die for an insane power-hungry lich queen. She knows all too well that power isn't always real freedom. Her first instinct is to empathize with Astarion to steer him away from his hate and resentment.

Astarion/Lae'zel is so interesting to me because they're such a classic "can we make each other worse or make a better person out of the other?".

They both have genuine appreciation for violence and respect each other's ruthlessness. Astarion was used as a weapon of seduction while Lae'zel was of warfare. Sex with people is meaningless and not real intimacy for them, and while both have little understanding/experience of interpersonal relationships beyond the physical, they still feel and love very deeply. They have no frame of reference for things like friendship and warmth, but they badly want all of that and more, even if they don't know it yet.

In-game they can sleep with each other, which is basically the foundation of the normal Tav/Astarion romance. Lae'zel saw him during combat and got horny, who knows. Astarion who's used to luring people with his charms, takes up Lae'zel's blunt offer because she's a strong hardened warrior that can provide protection and be a worthy ally, and he doesn't know how to say no. Navigating the complications between one who wants to be seen beyond as a sex object, and one who comes from a totally alien culture with no concept of love/family/connections and only sex is honestly really compelling to me. It's a transactional, mutually beneficial thing with no emotional expectations. Once you get past the skeevy rockiness of their early relationship, I really like the idea of them slowly seeing something past the exterior and realizing they may have harshly misjudged the other, an unspoken friendship blooms, and in comes the realization that they are essentially loners longing for kindness and a comforting touch in the most desperate of situations.

Lae'zel is prideful, direct, has no sense of courtship talk, and doesn't hold back her thoughts the slightest--she's not sweet/agreeable and what you see is really what you get, which I imagine would be disarming for Astarion who's used to vacuous flattery and has difficulty trusting others. But she's also insanely protective, passionate, loyal, and an initiator-- every romance scene is triggered by her first and she's always showing effort towards her relationships, which would mesh well with Astarion who does need someone to nudge him.

She doesn't purposely suppress her feelings, she's just simply at loss at how to express them sometimes due to her wildly different upbringing. She stops the sparring match you agree to and an easy vulnerability slips instantly out of her: "I don't want to hurt you. I want to protect you, and for you to protect me." and "Thus far I've taunted you, devoured you, battled you. Now I want more than anything to soothe you." are romantic as fuck and Astarion of all people really needs to hear that tbh.

Astarion is also someone who struggles with reinforcing his boundaries, and a key theme in Lae'zel's romance is that she encourages and wants you to challenge her and learn to stand your ground. It's not gentlest method, but hey, relationships are about having to make an effort to learn each other's language.

I think he also would take pleasure "educating her on the matters of Fay-run" (I believe there's a whole banter with him teasing her and teaching her pet names) and would get a kick out of coaxing Lae'zel out of her shell with her shyness at showing public affection, and making her blush. Also it simply would be fucking funny to see Astarion who's used to easy seduction, trying to pass a persuasion check just to get a smooch and generally having to work to earn regular kisses from Lae'zel lmfaooo

Lae'zel also initially struggles to see her chains as chains. When she learns about Vlaakith's betrayal, she copes instantly through denial and shuts it down. Astarion is NOT having it and calls her out, he knows her well enough to recognize that she would value blunt honesty above all.

I imagine he also despises her lack of self-preservation, the way her entire identity is tied to duty and being in service of others, and doesn't understand her desire to still help/liberate the people that want her dead and are hunting her down. He wants to make this duty-bound soldier realize that looking out for herself, and putting herself first may not be the worst thing in the world.

They're so similar to each other but are also polar opposites in some ways that make a more equal, balanced romance I think. It's not a simple, one-sided, feel-good "she/he can fix her/him" fantasy because both of them have to earn each other's love, actually cut through the other's flaws, and actively motivate each other to be better versions of themselves.

They're not at all the other's ideal guiding hand. It's rough, jagged, and imperfect, but that's how healing goes. It's so far from being the healthiest relationship -- but even if their belief systems differ, their moral compass does often align. I imagine it's a slight relief for them to have a partner where there would be less shame and judgment when they expectedly, occasionally slip up and fall into their bad habits.

Also, man, the "You showed me the betweens and beyonds. Beyond war and peace, beyond passion and obsession, most importantly, you showed me freedom.", "First you were my wound, now you were my cure.", "But you saw something else in me - someone else I could be. Someone who could break the cycle of power and terror that started centuries ago.." lines really hit hard when applied to them.

Of course, they can also make each other worse, feed into the other's negative traits that will bring out the worst part of themselves. It's this duality of their pairing that is very interesting to explore, the way it can steer in either direction because it's an intense, fraught relationship at its core.

[rosenotactuallyquartz]

pearl’s character development & her relationship with rose

character development for a complex character is complicated & often nonlinear. pearl has incredible character development, but a lot of her issues are overlooked or misunderstood. as her relationship with rose gets misunderstood, her growth tends to get oversimplified by claims that it’s about “getting over her,” etc. i think that’s not the case & it’s much deeper than that.

early character development

pearl’s character development is seen as early as the now we’re only falling apart flashbacks. she doesn’t see her own growth, & neither does greg who’s the flashback storyteller of the 90s, as they had just met.

but you know who notices pearl’s growth the most? rose. who’s known her the longest, who absolutely loves growth.

“pearl is happy/vacant, will do whatever is asking... no opinion of her own that isn't basic logic. pearl fiercely opinionated by end. bold, ridiculous, shameless, frivolous.” — end of an era

the first time they visit earth, rose says things like, “i couldn’t have done this without you.” she frowns when pearl says, “i could imagine it, if you would like me to.” in contrast, during the rebellion, pearl says she’s imagining things on her own, including a life with rose. she confesses romantic feelings & attempts fusion, which is unheard of & considered “disgusting” on homeworld. rose reacts by saying, “please don’t ever stop!” with a flushed face. pearl + rose are drawn to each other’s happiest & most genuine selves from the start. they encourage one another to embrace who they truly are.

it takes emotional and physical strength, but pearl defies homeworld’s rules & norms. before the war, rose gives her a choice: fight with her or be safe. pearl chooses to rebel with her, protesting that she wants to fight—all while homeworld claims that pearls are not “made” or “built” for fighting. there’s also the argument in sworn to the sword. she stands her ground, when all her life, she couldn’t even have her own opinions—let alone argue.

rose refers to pearl as my pearl, a term used for superiors on homeworld. she looks to her for strength & comfort, clearly admiring her. meanwhile, pearl’s feelings are very protective. on homeworld, she could never have the mindset that she could keep someone safe, especially a gem who’s considered superior. pearls were made to feel weaker, after all.

as time goes on, both pearl & their relationship continue to grow, and that’s evident even in rose’s final years during a more difficult time.

how rose felt about herself

“when a gem is made, it's for a reason. they burst out of the ground already knowing what they're supposed to be, and then... that's what they are. forever.” — rose, greg the babysitter

“self-destruction is a huge theme throughout the show. the struggle of feeling that you shouldn't exist, and what that can do to a person. a lot of the themes of the show exist within rose.” — end of an era

of course rose sees pearl’s growth. she admires it. on a flip side, rose herself feels that she is incapable of growth. in greg the babysitter, rose shows signs of being very deep in thought, with eyes that are noticeably more sad. she says gems can’t grow, but she sees growth in everyone, including the gem she loves so deeply. in this scene, she’s truthfully being self destructive, expressing her belief that she can’t grow. there are many reasons for this, some being that white gave her a colony “only to prove she would fail,” believing pink could never change. with rose’s unbearable guilt & war trauma, she questions whether white diamond is right. as she says this, she hides her pain by generalizing about gems.

rose says this while she’s in front of the ocean, something that pearl is so closely associated with. she admires growth and she sees it happen right in front of her, but she doesn’t think she’s capable of it. this is one of the main reasons why she thinks others are better than her.

so, rose’s pain makes her hide, become withdrawn. she thinks the people she loves are better off without her, as they will live on and continue to grow. she believes she’s stuck because she can’t grow. in reality, she can. she has; managing her destructive powers & becoming a healer, helping many gems who were harmed by homeworld. her mindset really is because of her abusers, & a lot of the things she’s guilty about traces back to their actions. and she has hurt others, but she dwells on it & forgets about positive things she’s done because of her mindset that “she only makes things worse & that’s what she does.”

she’s stuck because she can’t forgive herself & she hasn’t healed from a lot of things. sugar says that how she feels about herself causes pain for those around her. in rose’s final years, pearl can’t quite see or understand just how much rose loves her and all the reasons why. she can’t wrap her head around it, she can’t imagine the possibility that rose thinks she can’t grow the way she has. pearl sees her trying to change & she’s loved everything about her since the beginning. it’s fascinating how similar their feelings are; having so much adoration for each other yet self esteem issues complicate things.

how pearl felt about herself

homeworld’s society devalued pearls, treating them as replaceable servants. this has led to self-worth issues & issues understanding that she is loved for who she is, not just for what she can do. pearl rarely reflects on her trauma because she prioritizes the needs of others. her love for rose, who was often in danger—from being abused to having her identity discovered if she poofs—exacerbated pearl’s tendency to be overly cautious, protective. after all, she is driven by the constant fight-or-flight response they both experienced in their early years & other times they feared they’d be “in trouble” for being themselves. along with anxiety, she is intelligent & likes being in control, leading to perfectionism.

even when pearl makes significant progress, becoming her own person, becoming bold instead of docile, becoming opinionated & standing her ground, forming meaningful relationships, fighting against the environment that traumatized her, finding things she’s passionate about, & defying homeworld’s rules & ideas of pearls, other issues take more time. her perfectionism, ongoing trauma, and focus on others make it hard for her to see her progress.

the setback

pearl’s self-worth & self esteem issues worsen following rose’s death. she feels lost without rose. they’ve never been apart & neither of them ever wanted to be apart. who am i now in this world without her?

“everything i ever did, i did for her. and now she’s gone! but i’m still here.” —pearl, rose’s scabbard

now, more than ever, she can’t see her strength. she had worked so hard to keep rose safe so that this absolute nightmare wouldn’t happen. her whole life was about protecting rose from death. the loss is following a situation throughout the late 90s that involved confusion & a lack of communication. she also can’t understand why rose chose to leave a life that she dreamed of having with pearl, so she questions rose’s love for her. lastly, she’s so clouded by the pain of her grief that everything feels dark and confusing.

losing rose (not loving rose) brings about lots of setbacks in pearl’s growth. it’s painful, traumatic.

present character development

there’s significant growth when pearl slowly opens up about everything. the people around her begin to really understand pearl, her trauma, & the relationship she had with rose. she opens up to people who aren’t as close to her and therefore cannot be biased; she opens up to people who knew her + rose very well.

while pearl reminds us of the importance of letting people in & opening up about everything, it’s important to note that a lot of her growth is done without help from anyone else. so, when she can see her growth, she can understand just how strong & independent she is. another significant change happens when she returns to homeworld. from the perspective of the person she wasn’t allowed to be, after living in a safer environment for thousands of years, she sees how horrific homeworld is. she realizes just how strong she is; having so much trauma, becoming someone, & building a life that’s so different after leaving.

loving (and missing) rose

pearl: sometimes, i wonder if she can see me through your eyes. what would she think of me now?

steven: well, i think you’re pretty great.

the title of the song after steven says this is i’m still here. rose has passed, but there’s little pieces of her that are still here. eventually, pearl does see herself through rose’s eyes.

in sworn to the sword, connie + steven help pearl realize that the biggest argument between her + rose actually demonstrated how much rose loved her. she sees rose’s side, and then in mr. greg, pearl revisits the end of her relationship with rose, and she finds closure. in now we’re only falling apart, she revisits the beginning of her relationship with rose. this is extra significant because two of her closest loved ones (one who has a personality that is very similar to rose’s & one who lived with her and rose) help her see everything more clearly. she sometimes focused so much on the relief of rose being safe that she overlooked the incredible things she did.

but when pearl becomes more confident, she recognizes her own strength, courage, & importance. when she opens up & processes things, she is given an outside perspective, helping pearl see her value & worth to both rose and the world. she understands how much rose loved her & what she meant to her—she sees herself through rose’s eyes! & through rose’s eyes, she sees it a second time: her strength, her courage, her importance.

it was possible for rose to see herself through pearl’s eyes, too. that part of the story is incredibly tragic. while their trauma is not (all) the same, both pearl + rose demonstrate the importance of opening up & as connie said, “being honest about how bad it feels so that you can move on.” they both dealt with self worth, & self esteem issues, personal wounds.

on the bright side, pearl is beginning to understand that rose loved her just as much as she loves rose. now, she can see her own worth & strength, things rose saw all along. she can finally understand how rose was feeling—rose’s life was difficult, but she felt so, so loved by someone she deeply admired and appreciated. if only she could understand that she deserved that love.

pearl’s growth isn’t about “getting over” rose. she’ll always love her, but loving rose doesn’t “stunt” her growth. it’s so much more complicated than that. her growth starts long before steven’s time & rose sees it, even though it takes time for pearl to recognize it as well.

pearl was always strong, but she grows significantly when she realizes it.

[maxphilippa]

i'm genuinely just saying that the ii fandom should try to not put their ships on basic dynamics because when you watch the media itself you realize that they're wayyyy more complex than that, and that the content that gets made off it feels one dimensional and like people don't really get why their dynamic/friendship works at all, or simplify their attributes completely disregarding the other relationships the characters in said ship have.

nickloon works because of suitcase mattering so much to both of them. now this is something that most of the fandom doesn't get because they don't get nickel's character at all and often portray him as an gay asshole, but i've made a lot of analysis on his behaviour, so you can check my posts on him if you're interesed to learn why suitcase is so important to him too. however they're so much more than just "a weird gay thing", they're an story of growth and realizing that you were wrong, how much love they have and how you can learn and change for the better, as someone who went through that same thing and now i have a best friend thanks to that, seeing how people only put them on one dynamic disregarding completely the reason as to WHY they're like that is pretty boring. they work because had so many issues at hand and needed communication in order to work through it. their care towards one person (suitcase) is what made them be so angry at eachother and what ultimately made them become friends as well, but the way they genuinely ended up wanting to be friends and caring so deeply for eachother is what speaks the most. sure, nickel cared about baseball and all, but balloon was ultimately the reason as to why he lets go of the rough attitude, and decides that he does want to fix what he has done, that he wants to become a better person and friend.

lightbrush works as an POST canon ship, not as one that happens on s2, nor should people ignore the fact that paintbrush was often angered/stressed by lightbulb's behaviour for most of the show. it works because ultimately they're both struggling to come to terms with themselves, and lightbulb gets to finally understand why she was messing up so much and genuinely showed care for paintbrush, who was ultimately struggling with themselves, you know, coming out and all that. what people don't get by making their relationship just an "silly random fella x hot headed person" is that they're both so much more than that. lightbulb has depression and her terrible copying mechanisms are what made her suck so much as a team captain, and paintbrush wanted stability and for someone to actually listen to them for once. lightbulb gets to learn that life is much more complicated and that she has to be there for people if she wants genuine connections with others, and she helped paintbrush on such a complicated moment, showing that they can work on an actual friendship post show, and that they do care about eachotther after all.

fantube is so much more complicated and emotional from what the fandom usually portrays. downgrading them to just an "girlboss x malewife" feels like they're not getting their characters at all and also like it's missing the point of their arcs being entwined by still making them act like their s2 pre-ep 14 selfs. both fan and test tube had severe issues with social interaction and grasping on what's real and what not, emotional communication often being their biggest struggle, and constantly got on arguments with others thanks to the fact that they couldn't "fit in". test tube shows to generally struggle understanding people and their feelings, meanwhile fan is more so aware of those, he still struggles with understanding that the game is very real and that he can't keep running away from the fact that change IS very real. they both made eachother grow because fan made test tube aware of feelings, and test tube made fan aware of growing and learning. they're both pretty equal on their own terms and they had bad copying mechanisms through s2 as a whole, except for their elimination of course, where they make amends and start over. they trust eachother and are pretty much partners, whether romantic or not, they are a team. a duo. they're just trying their best after all, and still struggle a lot with feelings at times. but that's why they work it through talking: the thing that they couldn't do at all before.

i really like/enjoy these ships on their own and i kinda hope that the fandom starts to actually get the characters and understand them properly, i would've also talked about silvercandle, but that is a whole can of worms and after iii 18, i have an overall more negative/neutral stance on the fandom perception of them.

this is just a recollection of thoughts, too.

[bengiyo]

Be My Favorite Ep 6 Stray Thoughts

Last week, this show put me on my back foot when it asked me to be kind. So much of last week was about people choosing to be kinder to one another and that choice paying forward for the recipient. Kawi is building a genuine friendship with Pear. Pisaeng went to a gay club for the first time and saw Max. Max read the baby gay for being self-centered, but then softened it with good advice. Kwan encouraged Not to give Kawi just a little bit of encouragement after asking him to sign the book she had already panned. They subverted the rooftop confession by having Kawi gently turn Pisaeng down. Kawi actually sang and now is part of a band. I’m actually invested in this show now. Was not expecting that.

Hey, Kawi’s smiles are starting to look genuine.

It’s sad that this is probably the first time Kawi ever expressed his worries about his dad.

I know we better save Kawi’s dad’s life. Kob Songsit is one of the most reliable BL dads.

I like that Max is a prickly queer. You gotta establish boundaries with baby gays because they can glomp on way too hard.

Oh. I see. Pisaeng’s family isn’t just rich, they’re “comfortable.” Curious how Max will feel about Pisaeng having a complicated relationship with his mom, or the reveal that anyone with that level of wealth is involved in crimes.

Pear’s house was used in Dark Blue Kiss and Bakery Boys I’m pretty sure.

I am having a lot of feelings about this scene with Pear asking her dad to help Kawi’s. I’m sick, and one of my friends reached out to his doctor parents to get me into care. I don’t think I’d be alive without their help.

Oh, Kawi. Now is the time to be strong and tank the embarrassment. It isn’t bad that Pear knew what you wanted to ask. It’s actually good that Pisaeng told her. She was there as an advocate with you. The mission is your dad’s health, not your ego.

Okay, I do like this show finally acknowledging that all these arguments people have are so loud that other people definitely know what they’re saying. I love Max.

Max is speaking my thoughts. I will let him write the rest of this post.

“I will not apologize for doing what I thought was best to help you with a serious problem. However you feel about it, I will accept it,” is really something I think we could use more of in the West. I feel like we as Americans are obsessed with ‘winning the conversation’ as a concept, and I think it makes us inherently combative.

This Kawi reveal about the source of his anger is giving, “I’m angry at myself.”

Not sure where I sit on Pear and Not as a pairing.

I get how repressed Kawi is and everything, but don’t kiss a man who has confessed to you while you’re drunk. There’s no turning back now. And then he falls asleep! This messy spaghetti ass boy!

Pisaeng going from an emotionally-complicated queer encounter directly into a closeted conversation with his mom as he has to figure out in the morning how to explain Kawi’s presence is giving me intense emotional flashbacks.

Okay, this show broke me. Pisaeng is not stupid. Pisaeng has always known who he is. His mother manipulated him deep into the closet when he was 15, and he knows it. His mom is using his own community against him. Some of you may be shocked that his mom has gay people turning on each other, but there is a long history of the police infiltrating gay spaces and threatening people convictions to turn them into informants. This is the sickest thing I think we’ve seen in a long time from GMMTV. I am deeply appalled. I will have to blog about this because this is so evil. The weaponization of our own community into surveilling and reporting on each other makes me so angry. That she is also publicly progressive enough that a person like Max admires her also infuriates me.

Nevermind. Fuck Not. Why is he speculating about Kawi’s sexuality to Pear? This is not how you flirt.

Ah, we’re back to the time travel portion of the plot. I’m curious what Pisaeng does with this knowledge.

I like Pisaeng. Despite everything going on, he’s still focused on the important thing: Kawi’s dad.

I do think it was important for Kawi to speak directly to Pear’s dad about getting help for his father, and not letting it just be a favor Pear begged for.

I’m so glad Kawi went to Pear as well to apologize for running out on her. She’s incredibly understanding and I hope she finds happiness and fulfillment.

I often talk a lot about the relationship with gay boys and their moms, but I also have strong feeling about boys and their fathers. Kawi admitting that he feels no need to improve himself if his dad won’t get to see it hits me to my core. I love my dad. He and I get along great. I need to call him later today once I watch Strange New Worlds. I get this.

I don’t mind Pisaeng letting Kawi know he’s willing to wait for him to sort his feelings.

I am going to have to write a separate post at some point this weekend. I am not in the read headspace now to talk about the rage flowing through my veins right now at a businesswoman with political ambitions gaslighting her own son into staying in the closet, and then using her own queer employees to surveil him. For those of you new to marginalized spaces, enforcement organizations have infiltrated our spaces forever and turned our own people against us. This was especially easy queer spaces because white men were threatened with losing access to whiteness. I cannot overstate how evil this is and how unexpected it is for me to have a GMMTV show NOT from Golf going directly into this.

[elderwisp]

The Sims is love. List 5 facts about a favorite sim couple of yours, and why you love them so much. Then pass this on to 5 others, whose sim couple(s) you also love. 💘💕

HIHI thank u for this ask! AHHH this is such a difficult question because i’ll get in these sappy/supportive moods whenever i’m working on certain couple arcs! there are even some that are top secret that are truly some favorites GAHHH. this is how i feel like, genuinely:

i do feel like lately, i hyperfixate on atlas’s relationships. one reason is i’m like in the trenches writing-wise where i’m finalizing some things. then the other is it’s one of those interesting dynamics between either parties that feel complicated but also being able to dissect it and go wow, love is truly versatile! both feel valid in their own ways and were the thing that maybe atlas might’ve needed in the moment. i really don’t have a favorite between the two because they’re both so idk, fulfilling to me. i think it would be neat to go over the relationship between atlas/taryn and atlas/rowan ft a wip pic:

𓆩♡𓆪 Atlas met Rowan in a very transitional phase of his life. There was a lot of uncertainty surrounding Atlas's future and it was truly a time where being a pushover was not working in his favor nor authentic towards any of his needs. Rowan has a knack for identifying someone in pain and gravitates towards it. Where Dan believes Rowan tried to take advantage of Atlas's insecurities, Rowan more so wanted to bring out those deeply rooted thoughts to the surface because why hide who you are? There's power in pain.

𓆩♡𓆪 Part of why I believe Taryn and Atlas's relationship would not be viable as of right now is Atlas is still really picking up the pieces of his tumultuous relationship with Rowan. I feel like break ups can go through the similar motions of grief just on a different scale. There's a lot of bouncing back and forth between anger and sadness, so couple that with his coping method creates a lot of chaos. There's a deeply rooted sentiment in Atlas that there is no way in hell he deserves a relationship with Taryn.

𓆩♡𓆪 Rowan sees a lot of himself in Atlas. The both struggle to really connect with their parents and dislike the concept of control. A desire for independence. They're artists and have an appreciation in self-indulgence. However, there is one huge difference and that's confidence. Atlas is much more insecure than he let's on and that causes a huge rift between the two.

𓆩♡𓆪 The other part would be Taryn's current state. I will start off with Atlas has been a huge influence on not only setting boundaries with people but also encouraging her to share her work, growth doesn't come at an incline but almost a jagged, bumpy mountain. (💀) All that encouragement to be vulnerable (the book, trying to open up her heart to atlas, the mf kids at the library) to be met with constant rejection is pushing her back into this almost hardened demeanor. It takes a lot of courage to open up and unfortunately she's reached her limit to do so.

𓆩♡𓆪 Rowan has always known that commitment to one person can feel incredibly constricting for someone who, well, likes to indulge. So while he absolutely adores Atlas, there's some conflict that arises in the notion of an open relationship. Atlas really struggles to grasp that idea (well less of an idea and more of this is reality baybeee) and it triggers those deeply rooted feelings of inadequacy.

𓆩♡𓆪 I will say Atlas and Taryn do take the longest to get together but it is really one of those scenes that makes me emotional. Seeing how they progress until that moment feels like two terrified people finally finding some solid ground in a world that is always shifting. It feels like the one thing that finally makes sense and Taryn, my god, she can be quite the romantic with her words and gestures.

[aihoshiino]

Can you tell us more about what you think of real Nino vs script Nino? I think it's so interesting that you said Nino's timidity might be an act (or a choice) on her part... I find her so so interesting, in the sense that (at least in the script) she considered Ai as someone who took away things that were "hers". And that included fans and interestingly, Takamine's attention. (cough lesbian cough) But then that to me at least doesn't really fits into what the actual Nino said (ie normal jealousy vs thinking so highly of Ai but also resented her...?) Nino definitely has a lot of pent up emotions, and unresolved feelings, I think.

Script Nino (& Script Takamine to an extent) both definitely feel like caricatured, exaggerated versions of the girls as they were back during the movie's time period, so while the details are blown up and hyper-saturated for Movie Drama and should be taken with a grain of salt, the emotional broad strokes are probably true enough. We sort of get a tongue-in-cheek nod to this idea with Takamine being all omg was i really like that no way!!! and then immediately codeswitching and barking orders at Nino who just goes along without protest LOL

Seeing that interaction repeated with the real Nino and Takamine feels like a soft confirmation that their dynamic was more-or-less what was see in the movie though probably without as much overt hostility. Takamine definitely gives me the energy of a person who means well but has a really 'my way or the highway' approach to things which manifests in her being bossy and controlling and Nino is comparatively more of a passive person, both in the sense that she prefers to keep her head down and not rock the boat and that she's passive aggressive, the type to just stew in all her negative feelings rather than voice them or do anything productive with them. 45510 lays her feelings out in a little more detail, where she seems to have some self awareness about her behaviour but surrenders to it regardless, recognising Ai's talent and charisma even as she hates her for it. So she was already sitting on a bunch of really complicated feelings even before Ai died.

There's also the complicating factor that, like you said — I do genuinely think and have for a long time that Nino probably has some sexuality hangups that she has not started working through and is probably pretty deeply closeted. 45510 is where this initially jumped out at me - her going on and on about Ai's beauty, her "complex feelings" when Ai dismisses the idea of her being in a relationship that are left suspiciously vague, her possessiveness... Hell, even the hostility she displays towards Ai; it's an unfortunate reality that a lot of closeted women will excuse away or express their attraction to other women as dislike and hostility to try and ""explain"" the nature of their supposed fixation. Nino is this to a T for me.

So imagine all this already cooking your brain and then the woman You Definitely Hate And Are Not In Love With gets brutally murdered and you suddenly have to try and untangle and unfuck those feelings all on your own, dealing with the guilt of how you treated her and knowing that you'll now never be able to make up for or take any of it back while going through the process of grieving for her and scrabbling to keep your career afloat in her absence and your boss has just vanished... no wonder went full Toxic Lesbianism about it all.

[eemamminy-art]

fanfic ask game! 14, 15, 44 😊🧡

14. Go on, who are your BroTPs?

I dooon't know if this is something I'd call a brotp in the sense of like bro kinda vibes, but I assume by that terminology it's just like, characters I like to imagine as good friends? And the first thing that comes to mind for me is this AU my friend and I have where Emet hides Ryne away from Hydaelyn and she ends up becoming a little sister to Zenos ��� When I'm thinking about platonic characters that's where my mind first goes!!

For something a little less deeply obscure and uncanon though haha I like the friendship between Vrtra and Estinien, or the potential friendship anyway, and I would like to one day write a fic of Estinien helping Vrtra get through the emotional rollercoaster of 6.X patches. In his awkward, very Estinien way.

I don't know if this counts either but I love to think about all the friendships my wol has. He has a brotherly sort of relationship with Thancred and with the thaumaturge guild masters, and a very complicated friendship with Haurchefant. Minfilia was his best friend and he's still very torn up over everything that happened to her. I want to think he was pretty close with Lyse and tries to mentor Emmanellain (even though he's just as immature himself lol) too. I pretty rarely ship oc/canon with my own OCs but I love to think of their friendships and found family!!

15. Is there an obscure ship which you love?

Like… any f/f ship in ffxiv… They're all obscure 😭 Notably I really really like Fordola/Lyse, Ysayle/Heustienne, and M'naago/Kurenai to name a few off the top of my head. I also really like Hien/Yugiri but like, if Hien was a butch.

44. What ship do you feel needs more attention?

This might sound weird but I feel like the more attention a ship gets the more people get weirdly hostile toward it (for being perceived as popular, or genuinely becoming popular), or otherwise start diluting the ship down to something generic. I used to really crave seeing more works from other people about ships I like but lately I'm just kind of like, let me keep them to myself and my trusted group of friends who can be normal about things 😂

Fanfiction questions

[dainesanddaffodils]

Ya girl has finished Shadowbringers! and I have feelings! and my lizard also has Feelings! (though not as many on the denizens of the First as you might think; she spent her entire time there Ready to Leave so she didn't allow herself to get super attached to the people. She cared about them but in a more blanket sense)

Thoughts post-ARR | Thoughts post-Heavensward | Thoughts post-Stormblood

Without further ado - Cimorene Greystone’s Post-Shadowbringers Relationship Vibes

Ardbert - Not Romantic, Not Platonic but a Secret Third Thing (her Literal Soul Mate). but like, it cannot be overstate that she felt that way about him before she even learned that he was her literal! soul! mate! All this to say she loved him. She loved him deeply and going forward she will sometimes talk to ‘him’ when talking to herself and will find solace in his 'presence' when she's at her lowest.

Emet-Selch - where to fucking begin? She doesn't like him. She doesn't hate him. She'd been having dreams about him for months before she even knew he existed. She didn't trust him. She believes every word he said was true. He absolutely disgusted her. On more than one occasion he made her laugh. His shade rescuing her made her cry. She wanted nothing to do with him. She wanted him to find peace. She’s glad he’s gone. She Will Remember Him.

Crystal Exarch/G’raha Tia - so she'd never been particularly close to G'raha beforehand and was deliberately keeping distant from the Exarch because she never fully trusted him so like, by the end she understood what he was doing and wanted him to live, but it was never Personal, you know? In a... not unlike Emet-Selch way, more than anything she just wants him to find peace and she's glad that he's gonna get to have His Own Life (but also she doesn't like you that way buddy I'm so sorry)

Alphinaud - I know I sound like a broken record in these but I cannot stress enough how much he is THE dearest person to Cimorene. she cares about him so much, she leans on him so much and trusts him to lean on her when he needs it, and watching him continue to grow makes her So Emotional. they are Family.

Alisaie - loves her v much but they are also so so so alike in how they process trauma sometimes to the point that she feels she can’t do anything other than say ‘Same’ when Alisaie is going through it. thankfully that’s really all Alisaie would want from her, and all she wants in return. in that, they are also Family.

Thancred - he and Cimorene have finally gotten past the ‘you must be level 5 friend to unlock my trauma’ barrier (from both parties) and are actually friends! not the closest friends but do genuinely care about each other beyond just Scion coworkers now

Ryne - sweet baby girl!! Cimorene isn’t very good with kids but she felt very protective of Ryne and loved watching her grow in confidence and into herself. She deserves the world.

Urianger - she knows he has the best intentions and interests and means well and there are even times she has friendly thoughts towards him but his inability to go more than like a day without keeping some new secret from her means Cimorene will never feel truly comfortable around him

Y’Shtola - Bestie. A Real One. Cimorene trusts and respects her so much that she genuinely had no fear when her obligatory expansion death scare happened (though she was relieved to have her back). If no one else got her, she knows Y'Shtola has got her, and that means so much to her.

Elidibus - man, he was the only ascian (prior to emet-selch) that she’d had any real personal feelings toward. That feeling had been hatred. Shit has obviously changed there and she’s been left feeling a lot of complicated things. If she thinks about him too long she feels both very sad and kind of sick.

Hythlodaeus - 10/10 man(?) of all time. Cimorene immediately clocked that he mattered to her. or rather. to the previous her. and it's the first time that thinking about her previous self wasn't a weird and uncomfortable feeling for her. she's not 100% sure what to make of that yet but she'll keep thoughts of him close as she goes on

Estinien - had her proper fanfic love realization 'oh' moment when he made an ass out of himself in front of Alisaie, and then everything he said and did for the rest of the patch-end of game just made her fall harder. She's in deep for this grumpy idiot, guys. (Jury is still out on if they smooched immediately post-patches but like, Cimorene WANTS to, so bad)

Fandaniel - so the last time Cimorene said 'oh thank the gods someone I can just hate in an entirely uncomplicated way' it turned out to be Elidibus so like... she's trying not to do that again but it's hard when you have the face of the man she hated more than anyone and have allied yourself with the other guy she has the least complicated amount of hate toward. but nothing is ever that easy for her, right?

And that’s it for now but hey I’m in Endwalker now. Holy fucking shit, right?

[cookinguptales]

i know this is probably a dumb detail to fixate on but nandor's phrasing of 'i'd kill you and then i'd kill myself which i wouldn't like either' really implies he would have to do it even though he never outright says it and no one contradicts him but if the turning of a familiar by a vampire other than their master's is so humiliating wouldn't killing the vampire and the familiar (so two vampires to kill really) be more than enough?

(cont. in two more asks)

2. the more i think about it the more it makes no fucking sense at all that a vampire would kill themselves over a familiar being turned by the wrong vampire especially if it's on accident like guillermo suggested. to be fair nandor doesn't repeat the "killing myself" part when guillermo asks and lazslo has only been saying if nandor knew guillermo would die but he also said he doesn't think nandor would survive it.

3. i guess my question is was this idiot just being super dramatic and it's just that he's so weird about guillermo he wouldn't handle it well at all and that's just one more way he's doing the familiar/vampire relationship wrong? 'cause i can't picture laszlo or nadja killing themselves over shit like that even if it was required of them tbh

-------------

Well, I think it's important to remember that Nandor is not exactly a stable person and every person in the house knows it. He's expressed desires and anxieties that border on suicidal ideation multiple times before (particularly in his super slumber era) and I get the impression that it's not always that unusual for him.

One thing I actually think is fascinating is the way the vampires treat Nandor as if he's -- fragile, sort of, I guess. They seem to understand that he feels things very, very deeply and they coddle him a bit sometimes. Nadja worries about women breaking his heart. Laszlo knows that getting "new" friends will hurt his feelings. They all went to his descendant's funeral to comfort him. Even Guillermo seems to understand on a very basic level that Nandor gets caught in these emotional whirlpools, for lack of a better word, and often needs help being coaxed out. They put up with a lot of his bullshit and tiptoe around his feelings sometimes, and I think it's because they know he's kind of emotionally brittle.

I also think it's important to remember how important honor is in the vampiric world. Just think about Nadja's humiliation re: the orgy. (Murder-suicide was also brought up back then, remember.) Or Nadja's insistence on maintaining her reputation and her power while she was in charge of the Council. Or the way Derek's main crime that almost got him executed was just being kind of lame and making everyone look bad by association.

Like... Nandor says shit about Guillermo's honor and how it relates to his own sometimes, and that often feels like bullshit! But I think it's probably kind of true, too. Reputation and status seem to mean so much in the vampiric community, and there seem to be a lot of very complicated politics that Guillermo isn't necessarily privy to. Saving face seems to mean a lot, and social suicide doesn't seem to be that far off from actual literal suicide.

So I guess my answer is that probably any vampire would be deeply humiliated and would probably at least give lip service to murder-suicide, like Nadja did re: orgies, but notice that Nadja didn't actually do it. Vampires make these super dramatic proclamations all the time. They threaten like they breathe. But I think there is this genuine concern that Nandor is so emotionally fragile that he might actually do it. He might actually be so heartbroken that he hurts himself, not just Guillermo. Or even if he doesn't actively kill himself, he might just waste away.

Laszlo is showing off his protective streak re: Nandor, but I think it might just have been earned. They know Nandor even better than Guillermo does, and I think even Guillermo understands just how easy Nandor is to break.

So... I don't think it's such a weird thing to threaten, no. It honestly feels fairly par for the course with vampires. I think it might be slightly more unusual to mean those threats, but I think that has less to do with how weird their master-familiar relationship is and more to do with how unstable Nandor is in general. He does not handle abandonment or replacement well (see: Laszlo and Sean, Gail and the werewolves, Guillermo and Laszlo, his descendant dying, his wife talking about another man, etc.) and Guillermo in particular seems to be a trigger for him.

(Because they're in love, etc.)

I think once he realizes that the person he cares about most replaced him in such an overt and public way, it will actually hurt him very deeply. It's the abandonment, it's the betrayal, it's the humiliation. It's the loneliness!

So... long story short, I think it all makes plenty of sense tbh. I don't know that he's actually going to do it, but I can see why they're all worried that he will.

[gctchell]

what is one thing that makes you happy about writing any of your muses?

One is definitely feeling the affection that my characters hold for other characters here. Every feeling, while found in love, is unique and is built on that specific connection. It can be so sweet and warm, or it can be so bittersweet.

Niffty's blooming romance with Sir Pentious ( @fearedelight ) has been so cute to feel. It's warm, it's fuzzy, and it's real. She hasn't felt real love like that in a long time and she keeps whispering to me how genuine it feels and how happy it makes her, and she doesn't know what to do with that. She wants him, and she's telling me she's going to stop all these "he's marriage material" comments now because she doesn't want anyone (not played characters, npcs) to see that he's available. She's falling in love and she's really happy about it.

Lilith's fussing over Chava / Pomni ( @heavenslie ), the youngest of the Morningstar children, is something else. She's a mother who encourages independence in her children, she'll hold their hands and help them to walk and fly, but she wants them to experience the sensation of walking on their own and building themselves and their life. Chava is a unique case; she was a birth after the "death" of Carmi ( also by @heavenslie ) and ages ago, Lilucia.

The "brutal death" of Carmi fueled by the sudden infant death of Lilu has made Lilith very protective over Chava (Lucifer even moreso). While she still wants her to have freedom and encourages her to have fun, she gets very frantic without constant feedback when she is out there in the world. Fate laughs as Chava is the most exploratory of the daughters - she bounces around and gets more distance, does more traveling, and throws herself into a plethora of different lifestyles and businesses. She pushes herself pretty hard trying to forge an identity. It worries her mother deeply, the way she lives.

Lilith loves Chava, and she knows she is being too sheltering with the need for communication when she sends Asmodeus & Beelzebub (the eldest amongst the Morningstar children in L, Peggy, Peach and me's worldbuilding) to find her when she's partying out of Pride and not calling/texting back, but she can't help it.

Feeling Lilith's grief over "losing" Chava because she put on a funny headset is something else. :') The feeling of failure and regret, and the desperate need to get her back. It's so pungent.

Sliding from that, the bittersweet emotion that Lilith has going on with Asmodeus ( @jizzlords ). This is one of her oldest and fondest of connections, they branch back to the start of Hell, or just nearly. There is such a deep fondness for this man in Lilith's chest, she loves him dearly, but being so damned busy with Hell (and eventually a child) during one of the most corrosive times of his life really hurt. They love each other, and they're mending the damage of time. The love has not died.

Then, there's the Eves. Not to keep on Lilith (she is my LOUDEST muse I'm sorry), but Lilith's complicated relationship with Eve ( @damnedrainbows & @edenpoise ) is so gutwrenching. :D Lilith did wrong by these women in such a massive way and she knows she has earned however they feel about her, and she is trying to make it right. Even in different slices of lifetimes, one where she is a prisoner to Eve ( @edenpoise ) and one where she is about to go toe-to-fucking-toe with Eve ( @damnedrainbows ) while also having a thread where an attempt at peace is being made is so.. oo. Lotta stuff to unpack and play with, there. Can't wait.

That's a thing that I love, too. It's something that I think a lot of people love. You can interact with five to ten versions of the same character, and the relationship is going to be unique. Each friendship and romance is going to be personalized. I love to do that a lot.

.. THEN THERE'S WHAT CARMILLA HAS GOING ON WITH ZESTIAL ( @arachnaemboss ) THAT IS DRIVING BOTH JACK AND ME UP THE GODDAMN WALL. Old world pining KKASFKSAFKSAFKFSDKFSKF- I love them. I do. It is just so hard to feel all this powerful love Carmilla has for that man and she is going nowhere with it outside of a REALLY INTENSE FRIENDSHIP THAT HAS YET TO BREAK THE LINE. :D SHE MAKES THE MAN RINGS AND JEWELRY FROM HOLY WEAPONRY AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Okay.

Back to sanity.

It's really cool just to be able to feel the depth of care and/or feeling my muses have for other's characters. It's all different like I said, personalized. I love it and I am thankful to my roleplay partners for letting me write & build with them in these capacities. There's others I have not even touched here, others that I am very obsessed with, but I will just be writing into the sunset if I do that bc I can write for hours about my rp partners. I love every connection, every friendship, and every romance I am getting to write with others here and I am, again, so grateful for that.

Thank you for the question. :']

[officialgleamstar]

TALK TO ME ABOUT MNMOMS ANY TOPIC YOU WANT GO GO GOOOO 🥳

Okay I’m on mobile now because I’m sleepy but OOGH. HAD TO THINK ABOUT THIS ONE. I’ve realized I’ve really neglected talking about a very important aspect of dungeons and daddies in regards to this au: The generational trauma 🎉🎊 aka each moms’ relationship with her own mother! (And parents in general lol)

First, the easiest one - Mercedes has a very genuinely good relationship with her parents. She has a healthy loving relationship with both of them. The generational trauma for the Oak-Garcias is still very Oak-heavy in this AU, which you know Isadora because you were the one who talked with me when I was originally figuring things out :D Mercedes’ issues stem a lot more from not knowing how to handle her husband’s family and being really overwhelmed and genuinely disgusted with the lifestyle that Henry comes from (obviously not held against him, but it does very much change how she views him and how views her children. She always thought the twins took more after her until she saw the same facial features so many times in Oakvale)

Morgan has the worst relationship on paper with her parents but it’s also a pretty simple situation. She was disowned for marrying Glenn. When her parents tried to come back into her life after his death, she refused to return contact. She always disagreed with them growing up and saw them as unsupportive, so while she feels guilt that she’s left Nick with no real grandparents, she still stands by that she did the right thing. For the Foster timeline, Jodie’s Morgan cut her parents off as well, but I’m still trying to figure out why lol. I’m not entirely sure Morgan would ever think to ask

Samantha has a complicated relationship with her mom. Growing up, Samantha’s mom was fairly lonely and as a result, she treated Samantha as a friend more than she did a daughter. She put her problems onto Samantha from a young age and while she didn’t expect her preteen daughter to be able to help at all, she still overstepped appropriate boundaries quite a bit in that regard. This led to Sammy often feeling helpless and like her mom was going through too much for Samantha to ever bring her own issues to her mom as well, since she didn’t want to be a burden. Once she was older, Samantha realized how inappropriate it was that she was being saddled with adult issues before she was even 15 and while it did shape her life in some positive ways - Samantha does credit her interest in therapy to wanting to help her mom - she also recognizes that it puts a huge strain on her relationship with her mom. This is why she’s so closed off with her son when it comes to emotional issues: she never wants to put Terry Junior in that same position of having to care for his mother as a child.

Carol is uh. Carol um. Hm!! Carol.

Carol has had a bad relationship with her mom her entire life. She pointedly spent most of her time at Darryl’s house throughout her childhood and teenage years, she never really starts conversations with her mom or dad, and whenever she’s asked about her parents, she always thinks of the Wilsons before her biological parents. However, Carol does not like recognizing this as true because that would require analyzing why she dislikes her mom, and that would require her addressing the fact that she hates the life she was raised to live. Her parents were very traditional, just like the Wilsons, and Carol was raised to be a good Catholic wife to her good Catholic husband. She gets a lot of shit from her parents for being the breadwinner while Darryl stays at home, something that bothers her to no end because she is very defensive of Darryl, and she feels incredibly stifled by the concept that she has to be this meek heterosexual woman with a nuclear family and a white picket fence. However, pre-Forgotten Realms, she never really lets herself explore this past “I want a career”, and she’s also deeply in denial about there being an issue at all. I have this like, general plan for a battleaxe that they get at some point where the worst the wielder’s relationship is with your parents, the more powerful it is, and uh. Needless to say. Carol is the one who owns it LMAO it absolutely mortifies her but it’s one of the first steps towards her admitting she’s unhappy with her life

[onyxheartbeat]

It’s difficult explaining this relationship and his avoidance to people because it was overflowing with emotions and beauty but also darkness. Only he and I know what that was like because nobody else saw us together. We were in our own world away from everyone. And it wasn’t a normal relationship or breakup.

We knew each other for many years before coming together like that. We knew the feelings that were there but didn’t actually engage for a long time. When you have a 50 year old man telling you they’ve never felt certain things or did certain things with anyone before you, and that you have a soul connection with them and that they thought of you as a true deep love, and had them opening up to you in ways they hadn’t with anyone before, you feel union. I think people think “girl, he was just saying that stuff,” but I knew him well enough to know he wasn’t making that up.

You’re so deeply connected and you’re experiencing all these beautiful things, and quite a lot of them feel spiritual or unexplainable. I experienced a closeness with someone that many people don’t get to have in their lives. It was a very intense time of helping someone who was broken, feel safe to be broken, and feel safe to cry and be complete themselves, no matter how dark it could be. He could be so loving and soft and romantic. I really felt this person’s love for me, and genuine desperation for me to be beside them.

So when I explain to people that it was like Jekyll and Hyde, and that he doesn’t talk to me now, I think people think I just needed to realize it was a bad relationship and that he’s shitty for ghosting. But it’s not that simple.

We built the relationship on an apology. He called me back into his life to apologize for how he’d treated our friendship and for ghosting me. Eventually things became intimate and we were in a relationship, and he was saying he’d never ghost me again. That was a big deal for him. He was genuinely so adamant to tell me he was sorry and that he’d always be here for me when I needed. So for that safety someone promised and built beneath you to just get pulled out from under is not just your run of the mill “lied to” experience. It’s genuinely disillusioning and you question what was real about everything someone did and said to you when you were together.

His verbally violent side could just come out of nowhere. He’d get drunk and could be a normal drunk, wanting to just have fun with me, or he could just completely not care what he was saying or doing or putting me through. His heart diagnosis, his mother dying, his mother leaving the hospital stuff and house to him to deal with and sell after her death, and his siblings not being very supportive and only wanting money, made me think his erratic behavior and drinking was justified for the time being. It was all very complicated.

My therapist has made it clear that it’s not her job to diagnose or speculate on what his “problem” might be but she has suggested it’s very possible he’s borderline or bipolar based on the behavior I told her he exhibits. But again, she said it would be impossible for her to know. I personally, don’t know. When I learned what fearful avoidance is, I feel like his behavior seems textbook for that, and I think he also was battling depression as anyone in his situation would’ve been. But if he does have some other mental or mood issues, I have no idea. A part of me feels like it’s just white male bullshit syndrome and he’s just never had to be accountable for anything in his life.

My point is it’s just so hard to explain everything to people. I feel like I’m looked at as an idiot or like the relationship was just some guy using me and then ghosting me, very cut and dry. Honestly I feel that way about it too sometimes but that doesn’t really align with how he was acting at other times.

It’s really hard to explain if you haven’t been through loving a fearful avoidant person yourself, or just loving someone for eight years and it finally coming to a head and them telling you they love you too. It’s so sad when the beauty was there, and you had a house by the beach you were going to almost every day, and you were having sex constantly and making love and cuddling constantly, eating together, holding hands. He was in such bad shape on so many nights that I was literally expecting him to pass away. He’d tell me he was expecting to die on some nights. And I’d just hold him through it. Then all of a sudden that person can just flip and behave so terribly and be fine never talking to you, and they just have that “it is what it is” and I’m not changing attitude.

My nervous system still can’t regulate.

[waywardangel-wilds]

What do you think about Mother's role in characters' life of The Hunger Games series?

Do you think there is correlation of their situation with their action?

Thank you :)

@curiousthg

I love this. I get the meaty questions. Well, here we go.

A part of me thinks the author might just not have a good relationship with her own mother herself because we get not one but at least 2 characters who have bad relationships with their mothers in the main trilogy. Unrelated, but I also think it's a fun parallel how both Snow and Katniss idolize their fathers but one family is evil and the other one isn't.

I think the 'bad' mothers are written in as a tool to tell us about the character and to kickstart some character development as well. For Katniss, I think this part of the story is fascinating. Katniss tries to imply to us several times that she has divorced herself from any deep affection for her mother. Yet, the part I love most about this characterization throughout the series is that it shows us not only 1) how Katniss is very much still a child, but 2) how deeply Katniss cares.

When you truly emotionally divorce yourself from a family member (especially a parent) you don't think about them in the way Katniss does. (Forgive me if you disagree, but I think I can speak on this because I have done this and I truly never think of this person unless he is brought up in conversation). Katniss thinks about her mother in a manner that lets me know she is hurt in the way you can only be hurt when you still care and when you want the other person to show you that they care about you at all. Her feelings lead her to this sort of emotional 'stuntedness' where she disallows herself from love outside of Prim. I see that as a clear example of a hurt kid. When children are hurt in this deep emotionally visceral way they tend to snap back, kind of like a hurt animal. That's what I see here, and that's why I think Katniss is written this way. It's to show us 1) who she is and where she is in life, 2) how the structural injustices in her District have put her family and herself in this position, 3) set us up for her emotional journey throughout the series, 4) is a great example of just the humanity that's baked into Katniss's character.

So for Katniss's mother, I think that the situation is way more complicated than just the situation because it has a narrative purpose. But yes, I also (of course) agree that the circumstances that lead up to the situation are direct results of the environment. Katniss isn't the only one in the family who grew up in District 12, so by environment, I don't just mean the lack of depression treatment available to her mother after her father's death, I mean her whole life. Her whole life was complicated. Anyways, yes, there is a correlation between the situation and actions there but it's so much more.

As for Peeta's mother, there is nothing there for us to chew on. Just speculation. But I do think that what we see has great narrative purpose. Katniss's reaction to her own mother is (to me) one side of the coin and on the other side, you have Peeta's reaction / coping method. Where Katniss decided to shut herself off to people Peeta decided that people would be his weapon. Katniss sees connection as a threat or a weakness, and Peeta sees it as a possibility. At the same time, he doesn't shy away from emotions. We see he's very sensitive. I think that's because he sees connections as something valuable although he does develop the ability to use that to his own advantage, he remains capable of separating that 'survival' skill from genuine emotion, which I think is super cool, but also something you'd probably only find in fiction.

Do I think Peeta's mother is a result of her environment? Sure. From what I know about parents who beat their kids they are always the results of their environment to a certain extent. It's always a choice, but generational trauma is certainly a factor. So, same as Katniss's mother you'd have to factor in that she has also lived her entire life in a bleak and terrible place, but that is still no excuse. Katniss's mother didn't beat her kids, but she also didn't get up from that chair. Even when you're a victim there are still choices you can make, and Mrs. Mellark certainly chose wrong. Mrs. Everdeen always feels somewhat forgivable due to the mental health aspect, but she also chose wrong. I know women who've been horribly depressed, horribly horribly, and without any resources, but they still got up, didn't end their lives, and made the right choice for their kids. There's always a choice.

Anyway, sorry for that rant. I tried to stop myself from sharing personal details on the internet but this is a topic I know a bit about.

[nirnrootic]

i'm in a kinda ship-orientated mood, so i'm gonna post these little spiels regarding romantically shipping with all of my muses ❤

SHIPPING WITH EROS.

he is gay and grey-aro. the prospect of romance winds him taut; he's fine faking it, he's in fact happy faking it and he has on a number of occasions, but the sheer vulnerability of caring for someone so deeply that you'd do almost anything to protect them? that scares him. he likes being in rigid control of his emotions, and so having that taken out of his hands and placed into a form that induces palpitations and adoration? absolutely loathes the idea of it.

eros has, during the course of his multi-millennia life, been caught up in a number of marriages. sometimes, he saw opportunity (money, power, comfortable living, etc.) and he would wind them around his finger again and again, tell them he adores them, loves them, and simultaneously be ready to cease the beating of their heart if they dared encroach his boundaries. so, yes, faking romance isn't foreign to him.

he's fine with flings, or friends with benefits, as well. in fact, this is far more likely than a genuine romance with him.

SHIPPING WITH SOLOS.

he is bisexual, he has a preference for women (especially dunmer) though he won't snub if he's interested in a man. he yearns for romantic connection, but he isn't desperate for it. he won't chase a tail that he barely sneaks a peek at. it takes time and chemistry.

part of solos believes himself unworthy for love. part of solos believes himself too ugly or too old for love. this is tied in tautly with the complication of his late wife being murdered because of his own hubris during his morag tong era. he still mourns her, grieves for her, and struggles to separate himself from the self-hatred that simmers beneath his coil for daring let that happen. he knows he needs to move on from that reality, crying nor yelling nor beating himself up will bring her back. but he does hope that reminiscing on her will prevent himself from letting it happen again.

he isn't overly good with separating sex from romance. if he does have sex, they're usually one night stands; someone that he'll see for the night and not see again. he doesn't think he'd be good, per se, at friends with benefits, because he feels like he's the kind to develop feelings over time in those repeated intimate scenarios.

SHIPPING WITH MIRVON.

mirvon ... isn't quite sure of his sexuality. he doesn't think he's figured himself out fully, in that respect, because of how emotionally constipated he is, crudely put, about romance. he's quick to harbour crushes, though he's also similarly quick to try and smother them until they are naught but a bygone whisper.

he's exceptionally nervous, with a plethora of nervous tics, and he doesn't see himself as being a good sexual partner in any capacity. partially because he has no experience, partially because he has only a small sex drive, partially because his genital abnormalities. his history with romance and sex is complicated, immensely so, and he vehemently thinks himself too grotesque to ever warrant someone liking him back.

there's a reason he conceals himself wholly.

SHIPPING WITH CELEGIL.

she is bisexual. despite her fire, her vulgarity, her flippantness, she's a romantic at heart. wholehearted romantic gestures will get her looking like a ripe tomato. even if they're cheesy as hell. flower bouquet? rose petals leading to a candle-lit bed? cooking her favourite meal? well, you better have a mop ready, because she's about to melt.

she's had a handful of romantic relationships, some heartbreaks, some mutual agreements, but doesn't let her former experiences taint her future prospects. she's quite the optimist! present and future focused.

probably my least traumatised in terms of romantic and / or sexual ship potential!

SHIPPING WITH NEHT.

neht has a somewhat complicated relationship with the idea of ... relationships nowadays. previously, he thought himself bisexual through and through—now, he's not quite too sure. admittedly, it's not something that plagues his mind too often—if much at all. he has too much on his plate, both past and present, to consider himself strained by the mere notion of a label.

during his youth, he was very much what one would consider a playboy. he was frivolous, he was charming; some of his friends would even taunt him with the nickname bed bandit due to the sheer amount of times he'd be found in some stranger's sheets.

he had a very, very high sex drive and, besides, someone's bed meant he wasn't sleeping on the streets.

nowadays he's ... a bit more reserved with both romantic and sexual endeavours. partly because of his harrowing experiences as the nerevarine during the prophecy, they've sharpened his shell and whetted his tongue; partly because he just doesn't feel like it matters as much as in his youth. he was lonely in his youth, he so desperately wanted affections and love—and now? now, he just likes his own company. he likes being alone. he wouldn't kick up a royal fuss about falling for someone, but it surely isn't something he's bursting at the seams to actively find himself.

SHIPPING WITH ERDEN.

do you want to ship with the mer that's gradually morphing into dagoth ur? really? the dude that is actively trying to disease the entirety of tamriel? are you sure. are you sure. are you s

[crystallinestars]

(Same anon hi 😁) The dynamic between reader and Jiaoqiu I think would be a complicated one. While he’s clearly quite defeated after Hoolay with not just huge physical scars but lasting emotional ones too, he’d reluctantly humour Feixiao’s insistence on healing his eyes. I mean even Moze chimed in with “an eye for an eye” — quite a sadly ironic phrase of turn to use but I digress :’(

I saw a really cool ask someone gave perscipien earlier, they are another writer, about a healer doing all they can do heal him in return and whew boy it made me tear up too lol,, anyways,,, I just think with how Jiaoqiu is he’d be super reluctant to allow anyone to be “healing” him and would never be rude, no, but would be as cordial and curt as possible when around them. In a way he feels he’s paying Feixiao back and he has great respect for her so,, it makes sense in his mind to just go through the motions for daily medical healing visits and stuff. I think it would take a long time, many months even, for him to open up even a little. A part of him might even think they feel it’s their duty to Feixiao’s wishes to cure his eyes and thus, don’t actually care about him or want to be there.

But a selfless reader,, one who’s not doing it out of pity but genuine care,, is what really gets me emotional. Perhaps someone who’s also seen the horror of war or a tragic past and had a similar mindset of their own as Jiaoqiu’s nihilism and selflessness. Maybe they never had the support or friends Jiaoqiu has (that he doesn’t even realize) ((the yaoqing trio has me gkgkkgkgbr I love them)). So when a healer-type reader essentially dedicate their life to help him see how worthwhile his existence is, whether or not they can help his eyes in any way, is such a beautiful thing :’)

,,I’m a sucker for unconditional stories of strangers to lovers so pls don’t mind me rambling lol

A relationship between such a Reader and Jiaoqiu would indeed be complex.

My interpretation of how Jiaoqiu would react to medical treatment is a bit different from yours, so I hope it’s okay if I talk about it. I think Jiaoqiu wouldn’t be against receiving treatment, but he wouldn’t see the importance in getting his eyesight back.

During the permanent event where we get Hunt March 7th, in Jiaoqiu’s branch there’s a scene where he visits Bailu for treatment after experimenting with poisons on himself. I also can’t forget how at the end of the 2.5 quest, Feixiao was more invested in getting Jiaoqiu’s old life back than he himself was.

Feixiao’s relationship with Jiaoqiu is multilayered because as much as he physically heals her, she mentally and emotionally heals him. She gives Jiaoqiu a sense of purpose as a healer. It’s because of her he continues to practice the art at all. But Jiaoqiu disregards his well-being and life in favor of prioritizing the lives and health of others, so his own health must not be as important to him. This may be due to a part of him still being stuck in a pit of nihilism, or maybe it's a result of his selfless nature and drive to save others--either way, Jiaoqiu treats his life as something disposable, which is why I think he's not concerned with getting his eyesight back.

Digression aside, if a healer Reader came along and showed Jiaoqiu the same selfless devotion with which he treats Feixiao, I think it would touch him deeply, especially if he’s always thought they only healed him out of a sense of responsibility or pity. If the Reader suffered a traumatic experience of their own, I think Jiaoqiu would respect and admire them for not giving up as a healer the way he did. It would be sweet if they both could help heal each other's traumas. Two selfless and wounded healers finding solace in each other is kind of romantic.