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tonight i'm gonna fall asleep and tonight i WILL dream about horrordust if i have anything to say about it,,,, i'm horrordustpilled they're everything to me right now. forever thinking about gshaewru's art of my hc,,,
the reluctant besties that they are. the assholes that they are. killer you should commit a koukatsu by maretu and kill their asses "you will never return here and the dead will not either"
#i have so much to say about how koukatsu is murder time trio coded#but anyways that's a seperate post for a seperate tine#EDUAGHGGG!!!! i cant believe i technically gave both dust and horror mourning wear in my designs#i just thought that horror's little cloak would be something stolen from undyne.....#but it can also be mourning wear like dust's cloak too!!! theyre mourning the past!!!! mourning what was lost!!!!!#i dont know where this came from but i saw some people say that dust wants to seperate himself from sans or something#or that he doesn't like the fact that he's sans#but idk to me it kinda seemed more like he just didn't like his inaction back then#but smh didnt you literally like how things were back then?? and ALSO is your form of action really the best possible choice???#i dont know dust's whole thing is being hypocritical but still!!! i dont think he'd try to seperate himself from classic#if he didn't want to cling onto the remnants of sans then why does he so enthusiastically and openly talk to phantom papyrus#killer is RIGHT THERE he's a REAL character that wants to be seperate from sans..... and you see how that works out for him#yeah the trio's awesome. the amount of parallels they have kills me#the more horrordust i come up with the more reasons i give killer to hate these 2#the mutual hate never stops :3#the kitsune the bunny and the pig. killer dust and horror#UGH koukatsu is SO trio coded..... i need to do another songs that remind me of the mtt but this time with better elaboration#I must Rest. It is 12 am. I have school. This week is Thanksgiving break Thankfully#hahaha take THAT non americans..... i get this day off and you dont :3333#tricule rant#hiding all of the horrordust content i have in my drafts rn but soon i'll unleash the beasts
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AND WE JUST DONT TALK ABOUT THIS?!?!?!!????
#THIS IS LITERALLY LITERAAALLLYYY THE BIGGEST FORM OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT SUGISHITA COULD HAVE#NOT ONLY IS HE DOING WHATS BEST FOR UMEMIYA BUT HES PUTTING HIS TRUST IN SAKURA TO HELP HIM#AND OH IM SO UNWELL#HIS BODY IS PHYSICALLY REACTING TO HIM MAKING THIS DECISION IM JUST#IM SO PROUD#and then sakura acknowledging all of this too i just love them sm#they really have one of the best dynamics 😭😭😭#wind breaker#kyotaro sugishita#sakura haruka#wind breaker spoilers#wind breaker manga spoilers#ok nvm im still talking bc the second image literally gets me everytime i look at it#first off the way they drew sakura in that scene in the first place is just so beautiful thats the only word i can think for it rn 😭😭😭😭#second seeing this scene from sugishitas perspective and then learning later that the reason he has this reaction was because he thought-#-sakura looked cool and hes never thought that about anyone before just really gives us so much more for their relationship#specially how sugishita acts towards him 😭😭#add that onto what umemiya says to him (which i couldnt include in this post </3) about how hes never really shown emotion to anyone-#-till sakura showed up then it gives us an even BETTER understanding of why sugishita acts the way he does around sakura#my brain is so frazzled by the sun today and words are not coming to me easily so apologies if none of this makes any sense 😭😭😭#ill revisit it another time anyway#also the way they describe all of this really makes it sound like he has a lil crush and its so sweet 😭😭😭😭😭😭
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tumblr user magowolor posts magolor art (CHEERING AND CLAPPIN) yup yuup mhm thats right
#once he claws his way ouy of hell after definantly learning his lesson(not true) He and i will have a summer wedding#lol idk. maybe he did learn smthn but not necessarily the lesson he should have#like to him it was probably just ok MAYBE he shouldnt try n bite off more than he can chew n get carried away#and then he finds some other way to garner attention and make his impression on othars#esp w kirby hes reeely trying to overcompensate for his past misdeeds like hehe yah im suuuuuperr nice now trust ^-^#but maybe just MAYBE theres a slight shift were hes like ok well what if i didnt want to be good just to be convincing#only Bc his past motivation and actions were all built off one lie after another. he cant even tell if these thoughts are genuine#sooo maybe his curiosity gets th better of him and he figures the only way to find out and also maybe possibly b able to form actual bonds#this time around is by commiting to actually intentionally being good and stuff#like hes not suddenly gonna try an be a complete goody two shoes and be perfect bc hes still a mischevious guy yknow but uhm. yeah. yknow#^^^oh BROTHER we got a real yapper over here -_-#kirby#magolor#krtdldx#myart
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Go play pretend on your own (Patreon)
#Doodles#Helix#Dexter Favin#Coraline#The Beldam#The other side of this coin <3 Call him out but this time make it unfriendly hehe#I talked last time about the daring rescue!! I do love the daring rescue in Coraline AUs ah same thing with the Camp Camp Coraline AU haha#Burst in through the door! Those poor hinges!#It is a bit funny imagining him crawling through the tunnel in a hurry and kicking the doors open all winded haha <3#It's all very serious of course Max needs help! Stuck behind the mirror from disobeying perhaps?#I was pretty hard on him last time that he'd just Immediately give up his soul for cheap tricks but like - would he?#Yes he's reckless and foolish but he's also stubborn and prideful and hates being told what to do so there's that lol#Which does he want more! The high or his freedom to refuse? I could see it going either way#And for Dex's sake I would hope he'd refuse! As if he hasn't suffered enough eye trauma (eventually)#Ough the thought of him starting to say yes and getting one button eye in and then rescinding his yes ouch#Doomed to have one eye no matter where he goes ah 💔#Anyway - Dex!!! Watch I'll make another one with the ideas mentioned here and then talk about more ideas in those tags pft#Since agreeing with him didn't work how about shaming? ''Go away you're no better''#She really is going hard on him like ''What's your angle? You get him back and then what? Will that actually fix anything?''#Very much pulling from Dexter's meetings with Max at the Institute there hhhhhh as if I needed more feelings about it#Eco_Mono did such a beautiful job playing Dex - so much to consider hehe - but there was one question that I can't stop thinking about#''Why would you want him back?'' and Dexter didn't really have much of an answer - he was barely more than a concept at the time!#Having had the opportunity to see his character grow into himself has given me Such brainworms about that question ♥♪♫#Very want to explore it <3#In the meanwhile it's fun to pit these two against each other haha what an odd matchup ♪#I've only barely drawn the Beldam before now that I think of it! And I think only in her final metal-spidery form never in her mid form here#She's fun :D And so tall! Dexter finally feeling small for a change haha#Her having to fight adult selfishness would be quite interesting I think - something tinged with but not quite the same as loyalty#She can relate to the possessiveness at least hehe I'm sure he'd appreciate the comparison
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Adding on to this post (which I do suggest reading before you read this one!) because I've been seeing a bunch of stuff about the TOG graphic novel floating around and another thing popped into my head!
More specifically, about the physical form of Sleep.
In the TMBTE artwork, it's easily seen that, in one way or another, the Moon is alive. At least, to the point it has a whispering mouth full of sharp teeth and tar-like tongues.
In the transcripts for the tier 4 bundle page (thank you to @elkkiel for said transcript!) the first line states, "15 days since the convergence of the lunar anomaly".
Convergence is when two or more things come together to form a new whole, and, in biology, it's the tendency of unrelated animals and plants to evolve similar characteristics under similar environmental conditions. With that in mind, this could be a dying God changing in order to remind people it's still a God, and, that it never left.
What once only appeared in nightmares and wistful dreams now sits high in the night sky as a pale reminder of our fickle lives.
Plus, the presale went out on the day of a super blue moon.
Further, Sundowning's release had a Waning Cresent, with symbolises self care and mental contemplation, TPWBYT's had a Waning Gibbous, which symbolises releasing old habits and attempting to change, and TMBTE's had a new moon, which represents new beginnings. This album just so happens to have the song Euclid (which I've jabbered on about enough), which is about becoming someone new and accepting things can't be the same.
Next, we have "I was frequently beset by certain recurring dreams...I found myself standing on a vast shoreline gazing out at a flat, wide sea." The first thing that comes to mind is the Fall For Me MV, which just so happens to be apart of TPWBYT: the water based album.
Night time is, quite obviously, when the moon is most visable, and is also when most people sleep. Asides from this, the moon also controls ocean tides. The closer a moon is (e.g: a supermoon, or an unspecified lunar anomaly), the higher and more violent a tide can become.
Further, if and when the sun, moon, and or Earth are in alignment (at the time of the new or full moon), the solar tide has an additive effect on the lunar tide, creating extra-high high tides, and very low, low tides.
Sound familiar?
Whether Sleep is the moon, or was birthed from the moon back when they first became a God (one of @tonguetyd's ideas), is up for debate.
With all that, and the previous thoughts on Telomeres already thought out: "I felt that were I to somehow survive...then I would be left in a world that would not recognize me. I would become an element unto myself and myself alone. An echo stuck in the throat of a dead God."
So, I'd like to say that TPWBYT is Sleep's album, if anything. Or, in the least, heavily dictated by them in ways other than directly influencing Vessel.
#what ways you ask?#not one bloody clue#but I feel like I'm onto something and simultaneously not lmao#I think I could've also worded this better? I may come back and have another go at this#there are multiple different lunar anomalies that can occour but you gotta approach a lot of it with skepticism#since most of the time it's an error of the eye#however I'm getting the feeling that the lunar anomaly is either the moon opening up with a set of pretty white jaws#or the moon disappearing and being replaced with the cosmic form of sleep#both are super interesting ideas#the little astrology fan in me is jumping for joy right now#Vessel. when I catch you Vessel /pos#also as per usual feel free to add on if you have any thoughts!! I always love hearing them#sleep token#st#vessel#sleep token vessel#sleep token lore#teeth of god graphic novel#lore analysis#mel's rambles#this place will become your tomb#tpwbyt
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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🗡 mad cowboy disease....
#‡ ooc#high noon tbt.#thinking of Them while walking to the shops... on my own little quest...#there may be typos but ignore them#listened through mars hn yone playlist i loved watching the 2 hr movie in my head#listening through my hn playlost now maybe ill make tals a spotofy thing too for easier listening....#got so many little scenes in my head#talon munching any lil bug/lizard critter they catch. whether they actually Need to eat is unspecified#but you know. probably. anyway thinking evilly at how i can describe their meals as either tantalising or DISGusting#talon being afraid of ending up an almalgam of feathers and sludge but ove talked abt that before#need to write more talon monologues or story times#reminiscing now. will add more later#talon trying their best to get through a Normal Human interaction on a bar or smth tryong to hide what they are and keep their hat low but-#and theres always a but- someone either catches a glimpse of theor face n compliments them or gets in theor way like 'hey-' or they catch#a glance at feathers or brimstone....#talon getting chased to be put in one of those carnie 'strange encounters' shows... they either do get caught or...#get rid of their would-be captors#time for more thoughts. i need to design talons demonic form and maybe even what their gradual corruption looked like 🤔#i also need to decide on a few factors abt how im treating their cape as tendrils instead... like if they naturally had 5 or lost one...#and how much control over individual segments they have#thinkin abt talon getting in trouble but not like. threat of death danger maybe a malevolent third party who wants them for something else#be it their blood or feathers or smth like that. maybe even after REDACTED and they get a bounty set by the sulfur king for REDACTED reason#to be brought back alive and hunters go after em......#oh. who can a demon slash half angel turn to in these trying times... 🥺😔 not that they want to rely on anyone#talon would rather die than rely on another creature for help. im kidding. :] or am i#thinking abt the thing i said to mars like. after their travels together talon tries to keep their distance from rell and yone but.#fate or something worse keeps bringing them back together. i said it better beforehand but anyway.#if its during this time of being hunted and they cross ways i can imagine talon not staying long at all or just turning 180 at the sight#part the fear the other two will join this hunt as well. the other part is that theyll be in danger if talon asks for help...#nor do they want to owe a debt to these two ough 😒
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Two birds, One Stone, and Me
A Persona 5 snippet starring Akechi ft. Kaito Kuroba (Magic Kaito) and Asuka (an oc by @misty-wisp)!
Akechi massaged his temples as he walked through the station after having just gotten out of the train. It was headache one after another for him nowadays, the matter with Shido's jobs combined with the emergence of the so called Phantom Thieves of Hearts, not to mention the return of that pesky thief Kaito KID in Japan after doing heists overseas. His first problem is easy to deal with, as something he had gotten used to doing, his second problem was coming along well enough as he already has a good idea on who the members of the Phantom Thieves are, and the third problem is the biggest headache of all as Kaito KID has been a consistent problem for years now. Disappearing in the past only to have a come back years after and no one has any idea how to deal with him.
There's already even a police force specifically designed to capture that thief and yet there's no progress at all anyway. And for some goddamned reason, Akechi was also tasked to help with that too!
If a police force dedicated to capturing that thief can't even handle it then what else can I do anyway? Detective Prince my ass, if only those people know the truth they wouldn't add on to my mountain of problems something nearly impossible to achieve!
Figuring out the identities of the Phantom Thieves were easy with how sloppy they were at keeping it hidden in the first place but figuring out the identity of a criminal that's most likely been at it for more than a decade isn't something Akechi should be doing in the first place. That should fall on the hands of the adults instead.
Ah but of course! Adults are practically useless, good for nothing fools who's only good at hurting others and getting children to clean up after them, OF COURSE! WHY ELSE AM IN THIS WHOLE MESS ANYWAY IF NOT FOR THAT!
Akechi let out a small quiet sigh, it's best for him to retire for the day and take a rest, although, just as he rounded the corner, he was met with a particularly familiar face that had immediately fallen into a frown the split second she noticed Akechi.
“Ah, Asuka, yes?” Akechi put on his usual polite smile, the face of the exemplary Detective Prince.
“Riight, yeah.” She averted her eyes from him, it was obvious it wasn't out of embarrassment, “Excuse me.”
Akechi could just let her go, but a thought formed on his mind, “Wait, if it's alright with you, could you spare some of your time to have a short chat?”
Asuka attends the same school as Akira. In fact, she attends the same school as most of the members of the Phantom Thieves. There's a possibility of her being involved with them, it's better to check just in case.
There was also... That... Although it doesn't seem to be relevant at the moment, it was still a particular pattern to keep in mind.
Asuka looked back, her eyes squinted slightly, though it was still a frown, Akechi can feel the sharpness of a glare hidden behind a thin veil of public civility. “Unfortunately, no. Goodby—”
“Isn't that…”
Just before Asuka could finish her sentence, a person by the distance caught Akechi's attention. And as his gaze fell on the figure's back, the person turned to meet his eyes.
It was Kaito Kuroba. Someone who's close to Akira.
Asuka followed Akechi's sight with a glance and it was at that moment that Kaito beamed at them before waving his hand as he approached the two.
“Oh hey! You're that so called Detective Prince, aren't you?” He smiled so brightly at them Akechi felt blinded and very much so annoyed.
But he can't quite show such a thing, smile, smile… smile… he needs to smile.
“Ah, yes—”
Kaito then quickly turned to Asuka, her passive aggression towards Akechi was replaced with slight anxiety, “And you… Ah! You're that student Akiki told me before! You sit behind him, yeah?”
She nodded, “R-right…”
. . .
Akechi really hates this guy.
He mentally collected himself, it seems that he'd have to talk to Asuka another day. Though this is an ideal situation of killing two birds with one stone, both of them have possible connections to the Phantom Thieves but right now, he'd rather not deal with someone as obnoxious as that guy.
Kaito clapped his hands, “Hey! Since we're all here, how about a meal? My treat! I'd love to get to know more about Asuka and Mister Detective Prince! It's not everyday an opportunity like this can come by!”
Goddammit, WHY?! “You're right, I'll take you up on that offer then.”
“I'll take my leave instead…”
“Now, now, Asuka. Since this kind person is going to treat us, wouldn't it be polite to accept such an offer? He seems to know someone close to you too.”
FINE! Might as well take this chance! DAMMIT!!!
“I'm not really… close to him though.” Asuka tried to take a step away from them.
“Aww! Please, please, please, pretty please? How about I help you with homework too? Please come with us! The more the merrier after all!” Kaito pleaded with the best puppy dog eyes expression he can muster.
“Exactly!” Akechi added, to which Asuka openly glared at him for.
For a second, the two's expression seemed to telepathically communicate with each other, two different thoughts yet both in sync enough to converse with the other.
This bastard is surely planning something…
If I'm getting roped in with this guy, I'm going to drag you into this one too.
. . .
And so, the unlikely trio sat by the table of a restaurant nearby. One who was visibly dragged in, another beaming with a light as bright as an artificial sun, and lastly someone who deep down wanted to break the glass of water nearby as they waited for their orders.
Dealing with Asuka should be easy enough but this obnoxious bastard has got to be faking this entire overly cheerful personality of his otherwise his entire existence is just gonna piss me off to no end.
“So, you go to Ekoda High, Kaito? That's quite far from here.” Akechi is luckily used to maintaining this image of his, it should be easy to do despite how badly he want to just get out already.
“Nah! So long as you know your ins and outs, it's actually pretty close by!”
“Is that so—”
“By the way, Asuka! Your scarf suits you so well! It even matches your uniform!” Kaito cut Akechi off again.
Deep breaths… This guy… is clearly doing that on purpose!
“Ah… Thanks…” She took a small glance at Akechi and then at Kaito before looking at her scarf, she seemed to be thinking about something.
It's fine, if his goal is to rile me up then let him try, his attempts won't work on me at all anyway.
“Being a so called Detective Prince at that age sure is impressive, huh Akechi?” Kaito threw the ball back at Akechi's court.
“It's nothing I can't handle—”
“Yeah, it must be so hard getting swarmed with cases left and right that you don't even have time to do all of them anymore.” It was Asuka that cut him off this time.
“Pardon?”
“Oh, I'm just saying. In a general sense.” Asuka slightly squinted at him and seemingly rolled her eyes in a subtle manner as she turned to look away. It was as if a switch was flipped and now, instead of Akechi killing two birds with one stone, it feels as though that two birds are killing him with one stone.
. . .
Akechi mentally sighed as he could only freeze his own smile in place to keep it from faltering, he shouldn't have accept this invite.
#ariawrites#mkp5#persona oc#friends oc#this turned out longer than i wanted it to be... but it somehow was pretty fun trying an akechi pov!#i can see this guy being oh so polite outwardly but you just know that deep down hes just so done with everything#pairing him up with not only One person capable of giving him a headache but adding another one to the mix is sooo fun#mental torture in the form of akechi trying to manipulate the situation to go his own way but it doesnt purely cuz#Someone (kaito) wants to fuck with him so terribly he got asuka joining the wagon#the moment kaito saw akechi he IMMEDIATELY thought: oh good! a detective i can mentally mess with. i should be as annoying#as humanly possible for shits and giggles this one time. thatd be a fun first impression for me#dont worry akechi he isnt Always that annoying he just saw an interesting situation and decided to add fuel (himself) to the fire#asuka sees kaito be so obviously overly cheerful to the point of being so visibly fake and thought: oh god who's this guy#and then sees kaito just purposely annoy akechi every chance he gets and just: oh wait this is an opportunity for me too!#long story short: kaito +1 and asuka +1. akechi +2 headaches. he lost this round. better luck next time!#i also referenced that oneshot misty wrote with asuka and akechi with the interrogation room scene they had!
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cleaning out my following list and am being reminded of the phase i had where i was trying to make myself feel about being wlw the way i felt about being mlm (which is not what i called it at the time and also i was bisexual at this time) and i did this by. following every random carol fan blog i could find jshdsjhshjdsdcjhsdjchsbjdcgshdcjsdghcjh
#to be fair this phase introduced me to some banger media#but i literally was like so disturbed by how i felt about mlm media that i tried to compensate by placing myself in as much proximity to wl#media/aesthetics as possible. which meant. LATCH ONTO THE FIRST WLW MOVIE YOU EVER WATCH APPARENTLY#i was trying to train myself to be sapphic/a better sapphic?? and present as such. Online#which i feel like sapphic is a different thing from being wlw/gay (for women) but thats another conversation#but yeah LMAO i was like i need to be reading/watching more WOMAN media. man PURGE#bizarre form of not quite conversion therapy i dont even know what to say lmaooooooo#karinyo.txt#but yeah no like the way i dressed was to an extent how i imagined a specific type of bisexual/sapphic woman might dress#and i was trying to seek out wlw media that was like. the wlw equivalent of the mlm media i liked. like i thought the issue was the type#of media i'd seen. this is how i got into within the wires#which is a BANGER podcast to be fair wtw season 2 SLAPS. love those insane old women <3#but no yeah i was like. it's hashtag carol christmas smiling emoji smiling emoji#literally hello fellow sapphics#this is why part of me is still like maybe the only reason i dont like girls is becuse i associate that with being a woman HJDHFJSHJ#like maybe when he gets on testosterone he'll be slightly more bisexual#may also have had something to do with the fact that most of my friends strongly preferred women and/or ided as wlw-adjacent at the time?#like i also just wanted to be seen by them as having good taste shdskdsjdkj#hence. man purge
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Who up listening to good luck babe by chappell roan and having it resonate not in the way intended but resonating nonetheless. About to go ham in the tags about the overlap of being a lesbian and being aromantic...if u even care....
#my art#gore#organs#its 2am so not a lot of this is going to be very coherent but this song makes me feel a lot of things about it all#like. its the Expectations#the expectation that im going to date men and the expectation that im going to date at all have always felt equally stifling#theres that feeling of not trying hard enough or not realizing it at first or trying to lean into what you're told you should feel#and having it not pay off time and time again and wishing you could just make it work#because everyone else around you has it just fine and you dont get why you're struggling with it so much#THERE ARE MORE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN THE TWO IS WHAT IM SAYING#like obviously figuring out aromanticism is especially weird because its a lack of something BUT THEYRE PRETTY SIMILAR#realizing I dont want to date anyone mirrors realizing I didn't like boys but like. idk man its worse sometimes?#I wouldn't trade it for the world it means a lot to me but its almost like people go out of their way not to understand it sometimes#at the end of the day I am the you in that song#it was a very very long road to being okay with never falling in love because that was something I wanted for a very very long time#at the end of the day I will never have to be someones wife and I think its better that way#but its also hard not to get jealous sometimes#like I know its irrational I know I get physically ill at just the thought of being asked out but like#sometimes ill see my friends with their girlfriends and ill feel like clawing my own chest out with want#but also if anyone asks me out I will have to dig myself into a pit and never come out. I think.#I want to be with women but I dont want to Be With Women if that makes sense#its another layer of difficulty that I dont think I'll ever be able to get past#I feel like at this point I should just be trying to conditioning myself out of any form of desire because its just not an option for me#which definitely isn't true and like chappell roan says. you'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling.#but its also so tiring to have to sit here with the feeling and feel bad for having the feeling.#I dont know#I think if I felt a little more or a little less I’d be fine but I’m stuck in the middle#it feels very weird talking about this openly but also its very difficult to talk about with friends because most of them dont get it#anyways something something Josies monologue from bottoms#im going to bed
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trying to craft a funger oc like aughhhh i can see him i can picture him in my head right now [image of the most off putting little man possible]
#he does not have a name yet but he DOES have a vague concept. author from the eastern union who got drafted into the military and--#--met another guy during the 1 week he had b4 getting shipped out to basic training. they immediately develop a WAY intense relationship--#--and constantly send letters to each other. author is a total chickenshit and comes to cope w the violence of war thru--#--alcoholism and a complete retreat into his obsession w the other man. gets a couple wires crossed and has his lust morph into more + more#--violent fantasies that the other man plays along w bc its Fun+Wild (at its core its the authors desire for CONTROL. if hes the one--#--bringing the pain then hes safe. even better if its with the single person in existence he feels like he can trust during that--#--period of time). manages to live throughout the rest of the war and rushes back to his lover. spends a slowly degrading week w him where-#--the man comes to realize what he thought of as simple metaphor+exaggeration was TRUE desire from the author + the author flounders--#--without the then expected+familiar terror day in and day out. culminates in the man demanding the author leave and never try to contact--#--him again (saying their romance was wild and exciting and unlike anything hed ever experienced but the only good way it couldve ended--#--was if the author died out on the front and forever left him Wanting without the actual reality of those desires realized) and the--#--author either tries to shoot himself or the man (fails to do so. lol) b4 running off to the first train out of town. worlds messiest guy#ya it leans a bit into samarie territory but hes fun. his theoretical ending b would probably have smth to do w sylvian worship + marriages#even more vague idea for his moonscorched form is a sopping wet pathetic red wolf ('red wolf' being one of the mans terms of endearment--#--thru their wartime love letters) w its legs tangled up in barbed wire so it has to drag itself around. red bc its incredibly--#--thin skin (<-- do you get it .) splits and bleeds thru with every movement. a lot of whining and incoherent babbling as it hesitates to--#--ACTUALLY attack anybody. should have some cock horror element but ive no ideas on that front LOL#skill ideas are persistence predator (more melee damage dealt the less mind hes got- a backstory choice where he focuses entirely on the--#--love letters rather than splitting focus on his on-pause career with short stories) and an unnamed one playing into his terror/lust deal-#--where he gets a buff to either melee damage or speed when his phobia is active. want to come up with at least one more though#mmmaybe him being an author doesnt play that well into his concept as a whole but hes my strangeguy so whatever
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i binged all of scott pilgrim and it was so amazing except it needed more roxie
#this whole time i thought it was just the movie but in animated form#but i LOVE what they did with it!!! i like it better than the movie LMAO#it was sooooo funny and sweet and awesome#I LOVE ROXIE I LOVEHER!!!!!!!!!!!#episode 3 is my favorite forever and ever. i’m so glad we got roxie lore#the wallace todd yaoi was hilarious btw#like every character is so good and that random clip during makes me hope there’ll be another season#during the credits**#it doesn’t need one but i will eat it up if they make it#i want to cosplay roxie btw i should make that for next year’s halloween#lorim.txt#scott pilgrim spoilers
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Bee and puppycat lazy in space I love you so so much it's not even funny
#ramblings of a lunatic#decided to rewatch it again bc the toh finale has had me in a tizzy and while I'm getting better#it's definitely been hard just floating about in fandom space knowing that the show is ending and that in the scenario we do get more of it#in another form ofc#it won't be for a long time yknow?#it's saddening and back in September when i was uh. Very Sad bapc was really there for me#i was out here ardently defending the netflix series' writing bc i genuinely thought it was really good#and i still do#but more than that this show is intensely comforting in a way i can't really place/describe#it's a magical girl show. it's a workplace comedy. 99% of the cast is 25 years or older. its a coming of age story.#it's has pastel and lo-fi art direction. it's cosmic horror. the main character is so caring and yet so selfish and also autistic#and a robot#all of her romantic relationships are intensely weird and frankly are her least interesting dynamics#her most interesting dynamics are with her roomate/pet who's actually a space pirate cursed to look like a marketable plushy#and with her 8 year old landlord who's mom was childhood best friends with her dad making them family in a sense#except they're not really. also they're foils (she's an immature adult he's a kid who tries to be more responsible than he is)#it's filled with intense melancholy and multiple characters suffer from un-talked about depression#it is one of the cutest and brightest shows i have ever seen (in a non-obnoxious or technicolor way) and has an intense air of whimsy#it kinda has a fandom but not a big one despite having an undeniable impact in online animation culture and a bit on online culture overall#I'm not captivated by it in a fandom-y sense but i am obsessed with it. it's like wuthering heights to me#i love this show
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I'm gonna post an actual book review later but I gotta get this out of my system
FUCK ONGRUM FUCK FOLDREY FUCK VIVNA FUCK THE SUNRA'S THEY CAN ALL SUCK IT BITEBITEBITEBITEBITE
Ranka baby I've only ever been on your side I'm so sorry you had to deal with these stupid hoes they were all dead wrong omg
#Percy isnt up there because hes the only one besides my baby that didnt irritate the fuck out of me#my baby girl didnt deserve any of that bullshit#shes sp precious you guys dont understand#SHE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN HER CABIN DAMMIT#my lovely sweet child i would have murdered them all for you#her dreams were so simple#all she wanted was love and peace :(#she should have been compensated in the form of literally everyone groveling at her feet#but shes too sweet to want something like that#Ranka baby you deserve so much better than that bitch#THE CABIN DAMMIT THE CABIN FUCK#adding another to the list of characters i want to hold and stroke into a gentle slumber#she jusy wanted to be left the fuck alone and she couldnt even have that i haaaaate amaris so much#she was just a girl doing her best and EVERYONE took advantage of her#this is the first time ive thought a book about a sapphic couple would be better off without the sapphic couple#i despise this book but I love Ranka#the ones we burn
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I don’t think you understand the concept of being poor. Must be nice. If it was that easy to save money, I would. When you live off $450 dollars a month on disability checks, you don’t have the luxury and privilege of having hundreds of dollars stashed away for fucking ice cream trucks. But thanks so much for acting like I’m stupid for not being as privileged as you are.
Dude, shut the fuck up. My grampa, who is the one who encouraged me to always keep cash on hand, lived through the great depression. My family was on welfare on and off throughout my childhood. But your fucking dumbass thinks what, a soft-serve ice cream is $20? Anyway, sucks to be you when you need to take public transit or get a small meal but can't because the debit machines and ATMs aren't working and you never bothered to have even a little bit of change on hand. :)
#was that harsh?#sure#but if you're going to be an asshole in my inbox for no reason you get what you get#like I wasn't a month away from not being able to make rent multiple times before moving up here#like I haven't had to go into overdraft more times than I can remember#like I haven't spent months at a time including the better part of my first year in this city living off PBJ sandwiches#or rice and wild leaves#like I'm not constantly literally paying for my sister's ill-thought choices#bailing her out of some pickle every couple of months because she can't learn from her mistakes#and I can't just not because she has four fucking kids and another on the way#but I encourage women to keep a physical form of currency on hand in case of inability to use electronic currency#and you want to come at me like this?#fuck you too#and yeah I'm going to say it: you seem to have enough money for internet and not just for immediate needs if you're in my inbox#trying to give me shit over ice cream
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holy shit, this really does look like twitter.
#📣ㅤ⊰ ㅤmun speaks ` yin doesn't say enough#( literally the only reason why I came on to see whether or not I got hit too; lol#( it not exactly like twitter; kind of; just more clutter and compressed?#( idk if they were gonna go this route for testing or what have you#( they could have done it /exactly/ like twitter and I don't know#( idk; done exactly how it look like mobile or the app itself ???#( will better form thoughts another time
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