#( and no we dont know where she was born )
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basofy · 16 days ago
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i think you can be as critical about the venezuelan opposition and maría corina and edmundo as you want but arent venezuelans allowed to choose for themselves even if the options arent perfect? are you willing to justify electoral fraud and police brutality, class inequality, bad management of resources, lack of maintenance of the country, breach of the law, lack of investment in health services and education etc etc just because the person doing it is someone you like or because you don't like the other option? are people at fault for wanting something different?
#i don't like idolizing politicians either in fact i dont think anyone should#a government official being good to the people would literally just be doing their job#but there are reasons for how much people love maría corina as of now and it's because shes one of the few members of the opposition#that has not completely given up on us or just sold themselves to the regime#from the days of chavez and when nobody would pay attention to her or think she would accomplish anything#people are allowed to have hope#and im very sick of this tendency to dehumanize other countries(particularly those from the third world)#and act like they cannot defend themselves or choose for themselves#when they try they are told not to and to let others do the job. how fair is that?? who are you helping?#if maría corina and edmundo fail us it would just turn into what we are already living through. we know it already#if they keep their promises and things go well or at least better then yay!#but we know what's going to happen under maduro#the country will keep deteriorating until everybody either dies or leaves#or people will keep living miserably#i thought people liked the idea that you shouldnt have to work out of your ass to have your neccesities covered!#well people are exploited here on the daily and don't have access to half things they need#let alone pursuing their dreams. theyre not allowed to dream#it's either we die or we don't die for me#i want to see my country healing thats all. you think maduro will give us that? absolutely not#it's always like this with countries that others view as just a land of natural resources or as a land of dumb poor people to project onto#just allow us to see where this goes. it's what the people chose. respect it.#oh ok vent over#Venezuela#this is very messily written i havent had breakfast yet#not to mentionnnnnnnn people on other places know what it's like having to choose for the lesser evil but when vzla does it it's wrong. lol#chavismo is not going to save anyone other than the regime. even chavistas themselves die under it#a lot of us were born under chavismo and want to see life outside of it
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faaun · 9 months ago
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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sonknuxadow · 1 year ago
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you know i do wonder how many sonic characters actually have living parents. like knuckles is the last of his kind so obviously his parents arent around anymore. both guys who could be considered shadows dads are 100 percent confirmed dead. sonic is canonically an orphan im pretty sure. and on the other side of the coin cream is like the only character in the game cast who has a living parent we actually see onscreen. but what about everyone else i dont think theres a straight answer for any other character. other than rouge's mom being mentioned a couple times i Guess but we dont even know anything about her or if shes still alive just that she existed at some point. are these kids constantly putting themselves in danger because they dont have parents around to stop them or because their parents just dont care
#like what about tails. im guessing he didnt have any sort of family he was attached to if he left to be with sonic so quickly#but that doesnt really mean he didnt have parents at all. maybe he had parents and they just sucked i dont know#what about amy. what if she had parents this whole time we just never see them.#what about blaze. considering shes a princess id assume she was born into that role#but i dont know if her parents are ever actually mentioned#maybe theyre dead and there was no one else to take on their role and thats why blaze has so much responsibility at such a young age?#silver . he was born in a wet cardboard box all alone i cant really imagine him hvaing parents sorry#considering charmy is 6 and living with vector. an adult whos obviously not his biological dad.#i feel like something probably happened to charmys parents#espio i dont really question as much#becuase it feels very common in the sonic universe for teenagers to have more freedom than would be expected in real life#or maybe its not that common and the teenagers we're actually following are just living the most fucked up lives ever. i dotn know#but either way. espio where are your parents buddy. are they still alive. vector where are YOUR parents are they still alive#i dont know if i actually want canon explanations for all this though#because its kinda fun not knowing every detail about every characters life and being able to speculate and insert your headcanons n stuff#to be clear im talking about game canon#i know stuff like archie sonic and the sonic movies and the 90s cartoons will sometimes give characters new family members#or talk about their family situation even if the games dont say anything about that sort of thing
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pls reblog
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hauntingblue · 4 months ago
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ENIES LOBBY TIME!!!
Sanji's face here.... he Knows he is going to fuck him up
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THAT IS SANJI??? 😨
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Holding them in my hands again....
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Sanji struck a nerve there akdjaoajkq
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Increible trio btw.... look at the evidence
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............ me next please 🙏🏻
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That is love right there I can see it
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What if we all killed ourselves (except usopp is telling her the opposite ajahkdhsakjd)
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I need sanji to go insane like this more often.... after the timeskip it doesn't happen as much and I love to see him suffering
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This is so funny.... there is no denying to her face card
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"It's not like she actually wants to die" well yes she does, but no because you know she doesn't really. It is in a quantum state right now
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Luffy is such a menace akdhaksjkaak
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TELL EM!!!! THAT'S MY GIRL!!!!
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Look at franky worrying about robin.... do not fret luffy is coming and he will NOT lose!!!!!
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This is zoro remarking how usopps fear of being left behind makes no sense.... this is so good.....
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This is so endearing but it also breaks my heart....
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Who is that sultry binch... (I don't recall this attack AT ALL and i'm sure we never see it again)
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They botched his bbl.... 😔😔😔
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Luffy's face here... he was convinced she wanted to go with them but was compelled to do otherwise but no.... he thought wrong and he can't fight to her.... I've just been staring at this page for minutes like damn.
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Nevermind.... this is something your mother would say "you want to die??? Just wash the dishes and you can do whatever you want later"
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"If you wanna die, or whatever...." this is so good like he knows what he is doing.... he Knows.... look at her face. After knowing how luffy and ace were as kids this just makes more sense (oda didn't think about this i'm sure but damn does it fit) also the slight manipulation.... look at all of us we're already here and look how we all miss you already... you know that post about luffy being selfish but his selfishness is jusg kindness to others... yesh
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Thinking about robin's cinderella lifestyle.... why did her mother leave her with that aunt and why didn't some archeologist take her in?? Because she doesn't complain about anything just like she doesn't respond when that mother accused her of hitting her child without reason... that's so fucked
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Alright this is funny (and also true)... I'm sorry fellow women....
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*Justin Bieber voice* I like your laugh... dereishi shishishi
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SHE'S GONNA ASK HER MOM TO TAKE HER TO THE SEA WITH HER??? LIKE SHE DOES AFTER WITH LUFFY??? MY GOD!!! I just bursted into tears like I got punched in the nose I can't keep going ajdhakajk
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I lied i can keep going... but head in my hands over this....
Find out how my emotional stability survives this arc in ennies lobby part 2. coming soon
#franky calling sanji brother eyebrows is too good akdbsksnsk also ily franky#captain t bone.... he got killed tecently.... i forgot who he was until now but he actually cared thats so fucked up.... cross guild come o#sanji going against cp9 by himself.... i shant say it... SLAY!!!! also the cook being mad about being pretty cause he has no individuality.#lucci talking about a little girl being born wrong and needing to die for it TO SANJI!!! OOF!!!#the frog stopped rocketman bc he thought they kidnapped kokoro just like they took tom 😭😭😭 this fucking frog always gets me#chapter 377 and franky is in the headline with the strawhats ❤️❤️ they recruit TWO thirty year olds in enies lobby ajdhaksjks#franky biting spandex head.... yeah... and he should do it more why did he stop biting heads... he got domesticated#luffy is such a menace here like damn.... he is charging thru EVERYTHING!! GET THEM BOY!!!!#also franky is so important in giving robin hope here... like she sees him fighting back no matter what and i KNOW that inspires her...#i am going to say it hina fullbody and jango have a challengers thing going on but without hina being involved physically iykwim#when in action panels the ink just becomes lines... OOF!!! CHEFS KISS!!! MWAH MWAH#completely forgot gear 2 used the shave technique.... thats so cool..... also iron body must be haki then... and finger pistol#i dont think i can do this... after this ends we got thriller bark and then marineford starts building up...#i can endure water 7 sad moments bc everything ends up well in the end but what am i gonna do with marineford.... my god#also dr clover and dr hyruluk and crocus all have smilar plant based hair designs is that bc they are doctors or just coincidence#also robins father is dead and for sure another archeologist or similar.... thats inch resting....#which also like damn olvia and dragon had to make the same choices with their children i am sure. thats so fucked. dragon backstory when#clover knew the name of the fallen kingdom (robonosuke lore??) and also olvia knew some important information the gov didnt know... ✍️✍️✍️#SAKAZUKI SHOT THE EVACUATION SHIP???? HELLO??? I DIDNT REMEMBER IT WAS HIM!! (also olvia knew where saul was)#kuzan is sick in the head... he can't bring himsef to kill child robin but he will kill her as an adult... also his beef with akainu is OLD#like no wonder she was terrified when she saw him again. he said live like a recluse or i will end you and she fucking did. THE bogeyman#there are comments saying they hate akainu and he has just appeared 😭😭 JUST FUCKING WAIT#you guys think when luffy realised robin's enemy was the world gov he also realised it was sabo's enemy too.... bc as a child he didn't kno#also pluton was made as a countermeasure for the weapon robin could reactivate... could that be the one that was used in lulusia??#bc i thought that weapon was pluton but if pluton is just blueprints.... this makes more sense... which could also mean the ancient weapons#are a countermeasure for weapons the government already has. and thats why they're hunting them down. to have no opposition#so there must be two sides of the ancient weapons bc they call pluton that but also the unnamed one that robin could activate#so is pluton a countermeasure to uranus (the one used in lulusia i think) but neptune? trios dont make sene but a trio and their opposite d#reading one piece#enies lobby
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pears-trinkets · 6 months ago
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#really randomly fell down a weird rabbit hole today#i was watching the X-Files and finally felt like reading up on david duchovny#like i see u fellow slav what kind of slav are you#so i opened up his wikipedia article and saw that his dad was jewish and from ukraine and went like AHA WE ARE THE SAME#and just out of curiosity looked up the place he's from because im curious about jewish shtetls in the ukraine#because my whole family except my biological father is from several of them and i thought hey maybe they were neighbors#which they fucking are omg theyre just 20km apart#my greatgreatgrandma is from makhnivka which i even found articles and history about and how the jewish population grew & declined#even though i did not find any steinbergs in the archives#anyway when i read up on Berdychiv where duchovnys family is from it said#early settlement by the Chernyakhov Culture#which was an archeological culture between 200 and 500 CE existing at the same time as the roman empire#....... is this how i finally find out where my name is from??????? like?????????#i wish i knew so much more than i do#like i only found out that im not russian i was just born in russia like 7 years ago or so??? because my mom never tells me anything#all the information about my great great grandparents and where theyre from is from my grandma#and her dementia is really bad now and shes just angry and screams and calls people names#my russian is too bad to properly read up on stuff like that and theres barely anything in english or german#i just want to know idk#but genetic testing is too expensive and also very america centric and the only family i have in the us is super conservative#i had to block them on facebook when my grandma made me write to them once over 10 years agl#and i know a huge chunk of my grandmas family moved to israel too so i dont want anything to do with that either#although id be curious if it would actually find my half siblings i found out about also like 8 years ago#i just wish there were more archives and more people i could talk to about this#on my grandfathers side theres nothing really left#my grandfather passed suddenly and apparently before he did he took ALL THE FAMILY PHOTOS AND DOCUMENTS somewhere to maybe digitalise them#but we dont know where so theyre literally gone for ever#but his whole family was from kiev and is apparently named after this culture era#his dad was a higher up at a sugar factory and i still cant find anything#my grandma had so many cousins and they were so interconnected and knew so much and i literally just have my mom and no one else
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genderdog · 9 months ago
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every time i listen to ugly death no redemption i go fucking insane about ice the last generation again
#sucks bc it’s one of my favorite albums lmao#for those who don’t know. ice is a really shitty post apocalyptic yuri ova#it’s made by the creator of the zeta gundam not like tomino but the mech designer#it’s also really anti men like there’s no men they all died and it’s between the two factions of like militant science and fuck it we ball#and the fuck it we ball people just have gay sex and do drugs#the militant one also has gay sex but only the leader and she has like slaves for it????#also the leader of the fuck it we ball one is part jellyfish bc her mom did genetic experiments on her to figure out how to make children#without cock#that’s one of my favorite parts of it the one scene where that’s discussed is really cool#there’s a weird age gap between the two love interests though i think they’re both adults????#but one of them was like at least in her twenties when the other one was being born??????#it makes me really uncomfortable which is why i haven’t gotten super into it otherwise i think i would go insane#also there’s some weird time travel esque stuff at the end and i think it might be implied that the love interest gave birth to her partner#through virgin birth like jesus style#before any of the plot even happened#or maybe the love interest is just there when she’s giving birth???? she dies in the main timeline and then her object that she gave her#partner is in the hospital room (in the past)#but also the person giving birth is technically different than the love interest bc all we know is that she has been hallucinating this lady#bc she hasn’t slept in literal years#and that’s the lady giving birth in the past and she might be the love interest and she might be giving birth to her partner#fucking insane shit there are parts that really interest me and i want to take for my own projects and stuff#do not recommend it at all but also i kinda do but like dont go into it seriously go into it to see a weird as fuck shit show#anyways ugly death no redemption uses a lot of samples from it!!!!!!#oh yeah humans have also evolved to only be able to eat processed foods and if animals eat it they turn into flowers that’s a cool scene too
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starphobe · 9 months ago
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fh fandom back to wishing death on a fictional teenager for being mentally ill and not learning how to cope with that in a healthy way. what else is new
#do i think klck is correct? no#do i think a fandom full of grown adults should stop holding this (manipulated) (not sound of mind) teenager to wack standards? ya#like.... some of you are... how do i say this.... ~projecting~#and dont get me wrong this isnt me trying to say shes some kind of innocent misunderstood blorbo 🥺🥺🥺#i think shes a freak and a cunt. but im going to be normal about it and NOT say that she deserves to be killed (????)#pre-overtaking she was clearly aware that her behavior wasn't healthy#the fact she even went to jawbone at all (and was honest with him!) proves that imo#personally i feel like she might be neurodivergent -> struggling with knowing which rules to break and which ones to not#we literally JUST had an episode where the principal of AAA told students to their face that studying and working hard is dumb#i think kipperlilly came to aguefort. couldn't get a grip on what they Actually wanted from her#(parents went to mumple. she couldnt have been prepared for aguefort)#and out of frustration she fixated on people who were doing well and compared herself to them#and the only major surface difference she could find? tragic backstories#it only makes sense that she'd assume that THAT is what was missing. her inability to adapt to AAA was out of her control#so instead of blaming smth abstract (neurodivergence/other mental illness)#this single. concrete. and obvious difference is way easier to latch on to#but yeah. imo she just reads as someone super neurodivergent who received No Help because she 'made do'#and when thrown into a situation that required a skillset she wasn't born with. she shut down and got defensive#noone is born wanting to die yadda yadda#i think it's very interesting that when jawbone turned the question around on her (asking what SHE could do to get better)#she got quiet and awkward#its almost like she was trying her best? and just couldn't figure out where to go next?#and OH would you look at that. jace offering her a trip to the mountains of chaos. for a ~super dangerous adventure~#🙄#anyway.#awfully convenient. isn't it.#this has been me. having takes on ms goldendoodle shibainu#goodnight everyone (its noon)#not tagging this out of fear of the *** stans out there who will not stop taking things personally
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princessmyriad · 1 month ago
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#personal#hot take we all know teenagerdom is a lived liminal experience right. im gonna come out and say it#newborn babies is the most liminal lived state followed by pregnancy#because during pregnancy from conception to birth (obviously assuming a wanted and saught after pregnancy) youre just. waiting for the thing#you can induce early or you can have csection or whatever but baby will come on babys time for the most part#so youre just waiting. while your body feeds this thing long enough to get borned. liminal here meaning primarily transitional#rather than empty or spooky.#and newborns? i already know im gonna get angry comments here like 'ooh my newborn totally has a personality ohh she loves it when i...'#shut it. im not calling children blank slates of nothingness please zoom out and get a little of my perspective here#cosmically speaking you are a newborn for like. 2ish months? three? even that feels like it would be a different state than 'newborn'#that term to me feels like it should encompass all of a month at max but whatever. newborns are.. born and theyre this ready made vessel#thats expected to become a person one day but at this stage its empty. it cant even hold its own head.#teenagers are teens for a whole deacde and arguably each 2-3 year period is transitional in a slightly different way than the last#but newborn babies are only that way for barely 3 months. then they become regular babies and in turn become toddlers and on and on#idk it just feels like maybe its not classified as a liminal stage because either we rarely remember anything that young or maybe because of#the parents im sure will come for me that insist their beloved child is more than just a human shaped thing with nothing yet inside#idk. im thinking about this because christmas is liminal. to me. and i think i thought about that because obviously the time between xmas#and newyear where the world seems to shut down. thats liminal too. but the events itself is to me. dont get me wrong i love it#but its the one day a year where a lot of people get to see their families and their childhood homes and and and#idk ive been having this lil rant to myself for an hour now almost i wanted to put some thoughts out. i fucking love liminality though#liminal#i hope i can do liminality justice in fictional text form. im going to to my best at it for sure
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waitinqroom · 3 months ago
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2024 year of the dragon my ASS
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arolesbianism · 7 months ago
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Y'know I know I've said like a billion times I don't want to know shit abt Jackie's past but erm. Hi klei. Please just tell me if Josephine and Alan are her parents or some miscellaneous relative this is so important. Did Jackie seriously come from a household with a colonel and another person with a doctorate or does she just happen to be related to them this is so important for how I decide to move forward with my Jackie hcs and with my aus in general I need to know so bad tell me right fucking now
#rat rambles#oni posting#dude I was so sure that I didnt want to know anything abt Jackie's family situation but now I sure as hell fucking do#also if they are her parents then that'd mean she'd have a sibling named jonathan. and god of fucking course she would#my version of a jackie brother may be off in the wind but I would love a new one that she actually gets to have met this time#also to be clear the doctorate + colonel parent situation that Im desperate to know if I can act on is so perfect for jackie#like oh yeah of fucking course shed be a military kid why didnt I think of that first#back in my original hcs she had a brother who was an adult when she was born and was a part of the army#so in my minds eye this adds up perfectly and would to me explain a lot abt her#also the idea that j names run in the family is so fucking stupid I love it#also the fact that her maybe brother named their child after her is making me sick dont do that no child deserves that </3#the fact that its a middle name honestly makes it worse to me lol#god. god those 3 radio logs man. it makes me wonder so so hard#I doubt well get to fully know what happened there but if the colonel is her parent and theyre the same as the tragedy averted log mentions#then we suddenly have a situation in which the possibility of jackie having been involved in at best seriously threatening her parent or at#least relative's well saftey is a very real interpretation of these currently available logs#and I find that soooo fucking fascinating#now again that might not be the case as we just dont know enough#but as of now its a very real possibility and its one that excites me#the idea of jackie being willing to risk the life of a relative like that for the sake of sabotaging a rival and doing a publicity stunt#absolutely rules and I am in love with the concept go girlie go murder your maybe parent#also if I may discuss the timeline matters here shit is looking fucking wild#dude we now have an id that starts with x. like holy shit what the fuck#like there's a world where it's just a weird way of reacting it but like I genuinely dont know#could we be seeing some genuine late state gravitas shenanigans over here?#oh also we got another nikola mention lets goooo#also we have So many more rando names now and this is just with the logs we do have#we have the jackie relatives along with the inlaws mentioned in the same email ofc but we also have harold's son calvin and the x id#scientist I mentioned before b. boson#now boson actually is a potential dupe donor candidate considering we do in fact have a free b dupe to work with (<- is shaking violently)
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nerdneeniya · 1 year ago
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Hope you dont mind my adding. Another fun bilingual thing that I don't see is english-ifying a non english word or vice versa to make a word that is neither english or from the other language. I'm not sure if it's the same for spanglish, but for runglish (russian english) we do this thing with the word "use" where we'll be speaking a sentence in full russian and then throw in this made up word that's essentially making the word "use" russian. It sounds like "use-ala", "use-ayet", "use-ayish", or "use-ayoo", depending on the verb tense. So for example: я не знаю как "use-ayet" это (ya ne znayu kak use-ayet ehto -- I don't know how to use this). There's technically a word for "use" but I legit don't know what it is cuz growing up it's always been this made up word. Sometimes even when speaking a full English sentence this made up word will get thrown in too.
Also the way your bilingual character speaks will be heavily dictated by whether they were raised speaking both languages, or if English is their second language, and also the age at which they learned English. If it's a dual learned language, more often than not (but not always) sentences will use a combination of the two languages like OP showed above. If it's a second language and they learned young itll be pretty similar, but I've noticed there's a lot more grammar mismatch if it's a second language (i.e. saying English sentences with the other language's grammar structure). (Be careful though if you write a character that speaks like this, cuz that could come off as a little racist.)
You know what’s cringe?
People who don’t know what bilingual people speak like. Cuz like I speak English and Spanish and you know “Spanglish” is super fun. (I mostly see this in fanfics).
But I never go: Yeah and I was at la playa, you know— sorry I speak Spanish and I mix up words! Silly silly me, no se hablar English!
It’s more like: Y estaba en la playa when my mom called me and she was yelling at me and I didn’t even know what I did! I was like ‘Mami, Que hice? Why are you yelling!?’ (More or less something I told my friend a couple of weeks ago)
Then theres the whole “character forgets a word because they’re thinking in Spanish!”
“No, no, the flecha! You know, the thingy that lights up! Like— ugh, what’s it called? Its like— its a flecha! I can’t think of the English word!” (Arrow, its a light up arrow)
Its so awkward to read those.
Idk but being bilingual isn’t just adding a random non-English word into a an English sentence.
Or like having characters just go: “you’re my hermano/hermana, man!”
Or (the very cringe) “come on foo!” // “ese!” // “vato!” // or literally any other word associated with cholos or Chicano gangs.
Like pet names I get. I understand those. I used to call my ex “mi amor” “corazón de melon” “Bebe” “lindó” “guapo” and nothing else in Spanish. Those are understandable cuz those are pet names.
Make Spanglish sound real! (hmu if you want someone to look over your Spanish, specifically)
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linogram · 8 months ago
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seeing europeans talk abt how americans need to respect the culture + customs of the [european] countries they go to, like yeah, thats a good take, only for them to turn around and essentially just say that american customs (they dont like) are stupid and shouldnt be followed bc america doesnt actually have any culture
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perfunctory-satisfaction · 9 months ago
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wensvol · 1 year ago
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how do i stop reliving a moment where i said something stupid and got called out for it (rightfully so)
#what happened was i was talking with my coworkers and one of my supervisors after work and we landed on a certain hospital#my sv said he was born there and got surgery there and it’s the same hospital my dad lived at for a year#and without missing a beat i go ‘my dad died there’ and i often joke abt him dying cus he’s old and abusive and technically he DID die +#there during a heart surgery he had#but it took me too long to say Haha no he didnt#and autistic or not i did notice the shift in tone 😭 ohhhhh ill KILL MYSELF I SWEAR#but ofc. my coworker and sv dont know i hate my dad#my friend was sitting next to me and even she had to do a little check cus apparently i said it so seriously#the rest of the night was totally fine and i apologized for my comment#especially cus my sv was like. Well my dad actually passed away. so.#AND GOD I COULD JUST BURY MYSELF RIGHT THERE AND THEN#i dont even know what prompted me to say it i so often have these moments where i just say the most random things#and dont stop to consider what i’m actually saying#i dont wanna sit here and blame my adhd or some other fucking diagnosis i got because i cant go around saying ‘oh that wasnt me that was the#voices telling me to’ LIKE?#anyway#rant over#it happened like 3 days ago and i hate how i keep punishing myself for it#and truly the rest of the evening was totally fine idt my supervisor held it against me much#he knows im autistic cus i told him vaguely about it but he didn’t react to it much then#and ik he understands autism somewhat cus he graduated w a psychology degree and he has family members who are autistic afaik#AND he told me he was on antidepressants for 3 yrs to which i told him i was on meds for 16 yrs and he asked for what and i said for adhd#so he knows that too. but god. GOD. im sewing my mouth shut
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thesundowncrew · 9 months ago
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Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe...
For a ghoul who used to have trouble sleeping, Samhain had long mastered the methods and exercises to help him calm his mind enough to fall asleep. It was like meditating but letting go at the very end and letting oneself fall... fall... fall...
He had to keep reminding himself not to get caught up in the illusion. Not to trust whatever the creature showed him. Remember, Sam. It's just a dream. It's just a dream... a dream...
Remember the music box spirit, trapped. All alone with nothing but her thoughts and remnants of what used to be. Don't get caught up in the illusion, Sam. Don't get trapped... Don't fall... Don't... fall...
“Sammy!”
The forest air was crisp and sweet, carrying the smell of pine and earth and wildflowers. The sun was shining but it wasn't too hot, and the grass felt warm between his toes. His fingers curled, gripping bits of grass and soil in between them. He remembered this feeling... He remembered this voice...
As if he'd just woken up from a dream (Was he dreaming? He couldn't remember..) Sam's eyes fluttered open and he gave a great yawn (He must've been asleep for a while if he was yawning like that. How long had it been since he had such a nap on a day as perfect as this?)
“Sammy!”
He heard her again, this time as clear as a bell, though his eyes and head still felt heavy. It was when she got closer that Sam felt like a wave of cold water wash over his entire being, stirring himself up from his very core. Her hair. Her eyes. Her smile. Just as he remembers it...
“I heard it this time!”
Suddenly a pang of guilt stabbed him straight through his chest (But why? What was he guilty of? What had he done wrong?)
“The oldest tree! I heard it speaking.”
He grabbed at his chest. It was hurting. He couldn't breathe (This is wrong wrong wrong wrong Something's wrong...!!)
“Sammy..?”
He snaps his head towards her voice, Liore suddenly just inches away from him. Her wavy locks that always seem to fall in all the right places. Her eyes that glowed like ambers in the sunlight... “Sammy, you all right..?”
(Eyes...)
He studied her for a minute, eyes wide and unmoving. He reached out and cupped her face, with hands of flesh and skin. His thumb gently caressed her cheek, now flushed a rosy pink, and he could feel her breathe on his palm. He brushed the hair away from her eyes, earning a confused flutter of giggles from her. “Sammy, what's the matter with you?”
(Nothing. Nothing's the matter)
"Nothing. Nothing's the matter," he replied, as if on cue. Finally he smiled and Liore smiled in return, looking relieved.
Finally she tucked her hair behind her ear and offered Samhain her hand. “Wanna listen with me?”
"Sure."
-------------------
Back in Sundown, Nightshade felt restless. The moment Samhain bid her goodnight, she felt the hair on her neck stand on end.
Though the circumstances of their 'bonding' was not ideal, there were some upsides to having shared spirit essence with one another. Not only were they connected on a physical level but on an emotional and spiritual level as well. Whatever Samhain felt, Nightshade could feel it to a certain degree. And with her feline sixth senses doubling down, Nightshade could feel it now; something was definitely wrong.
"Ah fudgeknuckles..!"
“His name…? It started… with an L, I think... or maybe… a C? I don’t know… I can’t remember…”
These memories fragmented and slipped beyond her reach. The shadowy silhouettes on the stage grew fainter. Dust drifted from the curtains.
With a shiver, the spirit folded her legs to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Weariness crept in again. Samhain spoke, but his words flitted away from her; and when a soft weight settled over her shoulders, she couldn’t quite process where it came from. The sensation seemed far away. Still, the girl pulled the blanket closer around herself on instinct, seeking any warmth and comfort it could offer.
“My mother… must be so worried…” Tears slipped down her cheeks. Heavy regret coiled in her chest where her heart once beat. The spirit leaned her forehead on her knees, her words shaky and broken. “I left her all alone… I didn’t even say goodbye…”
She didn’t notice when Samhain left. His presence had already faded from her awareness.
Feldmire waited outside Samhain’s door.
It had eavesdropped on the conversation at the dinner table. It heard Samhain reveal he wasn’t quite human. Moreover, it heard Maude advise Samhain to leave soon. It would scold her for this later, but for now, it had bigger concerns. Tonight was likely its last chance to ensure Samhain never left.
But how could it reach him? It ruffled its feathers as it wracked its mind for ideas, its talons scratching the wooden floor impatiently. It couldn’t squeeze its way inside. The barrier shielding his room—
— the barrier dropped.
Feld hopped backward, shocked for a moment. Then thrill washed over it. It crept closer and tapped the door with its talon, just to make sure. Yes, the barrier was gone. Gone. Feld’s eagerness and hunger kept it from questioning the reason the barrier fell. It only cared that its absence meant Feld could enter.
What marvelous timing. Feld could barely contain its excitement. Regaining its wits, it forced itself to wait a little longer. It pressed against the door. Listened as Samhain’s breathing evened into the slow, steady rhythm of sleep. Then, silent as a shadow, it slithered inside, onto his bed, and sank into his mind.
How to create a dream?
It was simple, really, with enough practice (and Feld had years upon years of practice). The trick lay in letting the dreamer’s mind do most of the work. Feld simply nudged their focus toward memories laced with the delicious feeling of longing. These memories formed the main ingredients for the dream. Once the dream had formed, Feld tugged it into the perfect shape and sprinkled in other details and memories for extra flavor, like a chef preparing a lovely meal.
A meal for itself, that is.
The creature made sure the meal lasted long enough to satisfy its hunger. Of course, it was always hungry, so it never let the dreamer wake up. Simple.
This required control over their sleeping mind. After diving into Samhain’s dreams twice already, Feld brimmed with confidence in its abilities.
It couldn’t resist having a bit of fun.
A forest.
Sunlight flickered overhead, and birdsong drifted between the branches. A red-furred squirrel darted up a tree trunk. A breeze rustled the leaves and carried the rich smell of moss and soil.
“Sammy!”
A girl bounded toward Samhain, leaping over stones and roots with deer-like ease. Her long black hair flew out behind her. She beamed upon reaching him, her words already tumbling out. “I heard it this time! The oldest tree! I heard it speaking.” Her voice, though a bit breathless from running, rang with excitement, and her brown eyes glimmered with delight.
With another warm smile, she tucked her hair behind her ear and offered Samhain her hand — a familiar hand, dirt-smudged but free from burns. A hand just as human as his own. “Wanna listen with me?”
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