#( also advice for myself because i do feel bad whenever i'm not able to be around as much as i want to )

[poohsources]

it's okay if you aren't writing right now. it's okay not to be online. it's okay to take breaks. this is a hobby, not a job, and you should spend your time however you want to, not how others may want you to. don't stress yourself over not being around enough; it doesn't matter if you take days, weeks, or even months — it's okay to do things the way it works best for you. and if that means taking longer to reply, then so be it. people are usually far more understanding than we give them credit for.

[lemon-lime-behavior]

Do you have any tips for drawing noses? Sorry this is out of nowhere but I'm wanting to improve on my art, specifically the faces, and it's always the nose I find myself struggling most with.

I really struggle w making it fit the face if that makes sense? Every time I try to add it it just throws the whole face off, especially the eyes, not to mention how to make different nose types and the angles </33

I love your art style so bad, it's so smooth and satisfying to look at and the way you draw noses like it's nbd (and anatomy in general like damn) baffles me so I was just wondering if you maybe had any tricks or not, Ty either way for sharing your art in the first place <33

@extravagav Well I can try! First off thank you very much, I often feel like I still have a very long way to go in regards to proportions and anatomy so I really appreciate your kind words <3

Hokay, so, noses. I do love noses. To start off when it comes to drawing noses I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you the most annoying advice in the world which is just to practice a lot. Find a lot of pictures of noses in a bunch of different shapes from a bunch of different angles and just draw them until your brain melts out of your ears. Pay particular attention though to the nose as a 3D object!

It's of course trickier to do than I'm making it out to be but the more you practice at imagining the nose as a 3d physical form the easier it becomes to make a nose model in your mind that you can rotate like a microwave.

This is my personal very very basic understanding of the nose's construction:

it's like three circles and a taco shell.

Okay so now that you've got a basic understanding of the nose's construction, how to put it in the middle of the god-dang face??

So the funky thing about noses is that they tend to change shape the least out of all our facial features when we're making expressions. Our eyes change shape, our mouths move, our eyebrows, our cheeks, our jaws, they all go all over the place. the nose, however, tends to be pretty stationary and doesn't deform much (save in one important way I'll get to later). So because of all this, and here's my biggest piece of advice when it comes to making the nose fit in the face, I like to draw the nose first! I do a very loose head construction, draw the nose, and then sort of "hang" the rest of the features off of it:

Two very different expressions, same nose!

Now when it comes to noses interacting specifically with the eyes the greatest thing to remember is that the part of the nose that sits between the eyes sticks out farther than you might think, and will likely be obscuring one of them, the extent of which depending a lot on the angle and how pronounced the nose bridge is.

for someone with a pretty flat nose bridge you'll be able to see most of the eye except in a more extreme angle, while someone with a protruding ridge might obscure the eye entirely. but the nose will likely be interacting with at least one eye if we're not facing the character head on. Really making your brain think in 3d is gonna most helpful here.

Finally! The nose being expressive! So the main way the nose plays in to expression is by wrinkling. the muscles that pull up your top lip and the muscles that pull down the middle of your forehead are almost all connected to the nose, so the nose tends to develop a lot of wrinkles whenever brows are furrowed or teeth are bared.

Adding those wrinkles can add a lot of impact in the expression! And not just angry ones neither:

Sooooooooooooooo yeah! noses! They're weird and they come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and they can do a lot to add character to a face and they can also make you want to tear your hair out in big clumps! I'm still learning myself when it comes to noses (and most other things) and I'm faaaar from a master at it, but I hope I've been able to provide at least a little bit of help. If you do use my advice going forward please let me know! Good luck!!!!! (And here's all my nose "headcanons" for the strawhats. The ones who actually have human noses, anyway):

[porcelain-gal]

random things i've scripted

i never embarrass myself.

no one ever throws up on me.

no one ever hears me pooping.

everything works out in my favor.

all parties i go to are fun and lively.

people are always willing to help me.

i have my house address memorized.

i don’t get bad second hand embarrassment.

i’ll never get a tattoo or body modification that i’ll regret.

i never get a stiff neck from laying, sleeping or sitting weird.

whenever i get cocky, it’s perfectly justified because i am that bitch.

my nails (both hand and toe) don't catch on or scrape against things.

i am never an angry or abusive drunk (i'm taking no risks with my bloodline.)

my ears never get damaged when blasting anything at a high or full volume.

grease isn’t hard to wash off of stuff and doesn’t leave stains on any of the dishes i use.

i can tell when an animal is showing specific kinds of behavior (e.g., casual, affectionate, hostile, etc.)

you can't shame me for shit. i always own the shit i've done with my chest and can acknowledge when i'm wrong.

all the places i stay, especially hotels, have completely soundproof walls unless i don't want them to be for a reason or i scripted a scenario or whatever.

the majority of humans commonly can live up to 200 (i'm not human in most of my drs and ion want my human friends just dying on me too quick.)

i'm pretty good at regulating my emotions and i never let them get out of hand to the point where i'm impulsively or thoughtlessly hurting someone or something.

i enjoy rollercoasters, fair rides, etc., and have no fear of them. plus all of the ones i go on are completely safe, stable, and fully-functioning and no one ever gets hurt on them.

my disorders rarely cause me issues with physical intimacy (sexual and non-sexual) and if they do, there's always simple ways around the issues that doesn't really inconvenience me or anyone else.

whenever i commission someone or pay for a service, i always pay exactly on time or sometimes even before. i never allow people that work for me or give me any kind of service go unpaid or unsupported.

none of my friends, followers/fan, family members, or anyone i am currently aquatinted with or will be aquatinted with ever had a racist/homophobic/sexist/etc phase nor do they support/defend that type of thing.

i never slam any part of my body into doors, windows, books, and vice versa (i slammed my finger into my grandma's front door once and it took literal years to turn back to its normal color. plus it hurt like shit so NEVER again.)

any online creator who has harmed, is harming, or is attempting to harm any other creator without valid and justifiable reasoning has their platform taken away and can never get said platform back nor are they able to rebrand and start over.

i always give the best advice for people when they ask me things. like the advice i give leaves people with new perspectives and hope and all. and i also deliver it in a very good way that doesn’t offend or make people or uncomfortable or feel like they’re being berated or whatever. it’s just incredible advice delivered in the best way without sounding bad or sketchy.

anti-shifter, proship/profic, ageplay, pro ana, bigot/incel, and any variation dni

[thefallennightmare]

Miracle-three

(gif created by me, the fallen nightmare. feel free to use, simply give credit)

Pairings: Noah Sebastian x Reader

Warnings/Tropes: forced proximity, slight enemies to lovers, slow burn, smut, angst, fluff, mentions of death, and swearing.

Summary: Reader is the merch girl for Bad Omens. It wasn't what she wanted to do with her life but when her mother got sick with Alzheimer's, reader took a job where she could to help with the costs. She thought it would be a one-time gig but the longer she was on the road with them, the harder she fell for Noah Sebastian; even if he wanted nothing to do with her. She needed a miracle to save her mom and her future.

Author Note: I forgot how much I hate slow burns. So we'll see how long it lasts. Tags are open if anyone is interested!

Tags: @ada-clarence @nonamessblog @thescarlettvvitch @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @theoneandonlykymberlee @yumikitten @blackveilomens @cherrymedicine13

A yawn fell from my lips as I snuggled deeper into the bed, a blanket wrapped around me like a cacoon to keep in the warmth. It was my first day off in four days and with the constant traveling; I was relishing being able to sleep in an actual bed. The bunks on the tour bus weren't terrible but with Bryan's snoring I was thankful for the quiet night of sleep ahead. The sun was setting, the orange glow painting over the walls of the room, and I only left the bed to go to the bathroom or grab my room service. The entire day was dreading tomorrow because that's when I had to send Lana her first paycheck and I was about three hundred dollars short.

My mom had been doing great, even remembering who I was when we talked on the phone. Something about hearing my voice but not seeing my face must have helped. It warmed my heart that we had conversations about things like we used too before she got sick.

I could explain to Lana the situation. I'm sure she would understand.

Somehow I doubted that which is why I was heavily researching my idea, wondering what the risks were and if the payout was worth it. Everyone online who had a page said they could pay for things they wouldn't have with a regular job. I would have my own rules and wouldn't worry about sharing it with a partner. I could post what I wanted whenever I wanted. The only risky thing would be someone recognizing me and with who I worked for, I wasn't completely sold on the idea yet.

"I don't have to show my face," I told myself as I sat up, deciding pretty hastily.

Desperation made people do drastic things and starting an Only Fans was my last resort; I had no other options.

The phone on my camera wouldn't do and I sucked in my bottom lip, wondering if what I was about to do was a good idea. I needed a better camera and set up while also having a credit card with a high enough limit, though it was for emergencies.

Isn't this one? Think of it as an investment.

Agreeing with the voice in my mind, I scrambled out of bed and quickly stepped into a pair of black sweats and hoodie to match. I cringed when I noticed myself in the mirror and made quick work to make myself look somewhat presentable.

The walk to the nearest store was only a few minutes, and I enjoyed the sounds of the hustle bustle of the city as people walked passed me, their own ideas for the night fueling them. I knew little about cameras and thought about asking Bryan some advice but knowing I might have to tell him why I needed one didn't sit well with me

As I was leaving the store, two bags in hand and $500 more in debt, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and when I read the message, I couldn't help but let out a groan.

Davis, yet again, was inviting me out to dinner tonight with him and the crew. I ignored his first two because I really had plans to lie in bed all day. Now, the only thing I wanted to do was get my profile set up and start posting so I could make money as soon as I could. Plus, Noah was avoiding me ever since the night of the first show when Jolly caught us together. Nothing happened but to Noah, it was as if they caught us fucking.

The thought caused a flush to creep to my cheeks as another text came in.

Davis: If money is an issue, it's on the crew tonight. The last few days have been crazy and we want a night out to relax.

It was true; every show this tour is sold out which made for a crazy night. Everyone in the band and crew were exhausted so a night out was something we all needed.

Me: I'm already out, where should I meet you guys?

Davis: there's this Mexican restaurant right around the block from the hotel. Meet in an hour?

Perfect amount of time to set up and record my first video. I never was a modest person, even if I never had a boyfriend. A few hookups here and there gave me some experience, but I also knew what my body liked, hence me bringing a few differnt kinds of toys with me. After the first tour, I realized how lonely I got out on the road.

I refused to prove Noah right I was only here to fuck someone; which was not true. But that didn't mean I couldn't think of a certain tattooed vocalist while I filmed, right?

An hour and fifteen minutes and red flushed cheeks later, I was practically running out of the hotel to make it in time to the restaurant. As usual, I was running late, but that was because it took me some time to figure out how to edit and post the video to my page. What I filmed wasn't exactly raunchy but just enough to keep people wanting to come back.

I was in a rush to get to the restaurant that I nearly missed the body that I collided in. Strong arms wrap around me to keep me steady as I looked up into those dark eyes that haunted me every second of every day. My heart fell deep into the pits of my stomach as embarrassment filled my veins, knowing that face was the reason for my orgasm less than an hour ago.

Noah gave me a look as slowly removed his arms from me, Jolly and Folio standing on either side of him.

"Where's the fire, angel?" He asked while drinking in the sight of me with a wide grin.

In my pussy.

He was wearing a grey sweater; the hood pulled up over his head and white hat. I cursed my vagina as it throbbed at the sight of him and my pet name.

"Uh, I was meeting Davis and others for dinner," I pointed behind me, stuttering over my words a bit.

Jolly smiled. "We're headed there too. Care if we walk with you?"

Him and Folio, not at all. Noah, yes I minded.

I didn't appreciate him acting different around me when we were alone as opposed to when people were around us.

"Nope," I smiled.

The four of us walked quietly to the restaurant with Folio next to me, Jolly and Noah behind us. Folio bumped his shoulder with me which made me peer up at him.

"I feel like I haven't seen you in a while. Outside of work," he said.

I gave a half shrug. "Just been keeping to myself the last few days."

"Does that have anything to do with," Folio threw a thumb over his shoulder towards Noah.

"No," I said a little too quickly, afraid as if he could see in my mind what I had been doing back in my room. "I forgot how busy life on the road is, that's all."

"What did he do to make you avoid him?" he asked, seeing right through my lie.

This caused Noah to step closer to the two of us, forcing his way between Folio and I.

"I didn't do anything," Noah defended.

My body was still buzzing post orgasm so having him this close to made my stomach flutter and head hazy.

"Right," I muttered under my breath and gave myself some space from him, allowing Jolly to take my spot next to Noah.

"Did we do anything to put you off?" Jolly asked.

I shook my head. "No, not at all. Everyone has been nice. I meant what I said, I've just been tired."

Noah peered over at me past Jolly, something unreadable on his face, but said nothing while we turned the block, the restaurant coming into view. Davis, Byran, Matt, and Nick Ruffilo were already seated at a table outside as we walked up. My phone buzzed in my pocket and as I saw yet another notification from Only Fans, I didn't realize that the only open seat was next to Noah.

Cursing under my breath, I sat tentatively next to him and pocketed my phone, not wanting him to peak over my shoulder and see the notification.

I had a few new subscribers which meant people were paying for my content. Maybe soon things will start picking up and I wouldn't have to worry as much.

The server came over to take our order and I frowned at Matt as he ordered a pitcher of beer for all of us to share.

"Can I have a water and four chicken tacos please?" I asked with a smile.

"You don't want a beer?" Matt asked.

I shook my head. "I don't drink; well much anyway. I do for special occasions but not really feeling like it right now."

Noah muttered something under his breath, and my eyes snapped over to him.

"Care to share what you mumbling under your breath?"

"You seemed pretty into it last tour in Chicago," he didn't bother to look away from his phone.

I stared at him with my jaw slack, upset for him bringing up that night but also amazed that he remembered that. With the way his jaw ticked and his hand gripped around his phone, it was clear he thought of that night often. I got drunk after a show because the guy I'd been talking to all night and flirting with was actually married. His wife was the reason why he was at the show in the first place but decided to hang out at the merch booth instead.

"Is that why you're such a dick to me?" I wondered.

Thankfully, the server had left, so they didn't have to watch us bicker but for the rest of the guys at the table, it didn't save them.

"You guys get drunk all the time. The one night I did, you hold it against me? For what?" I snapped.

I wasn't yelling but the table next to us spared us a few glances of concern.

"We don't need someone to carry us from the venue to the hotel, three blocks," Noah finally met my gaze.

I scoffed, completely baffled this was why he was such an asshole towards me. Because I got drunk last tour and he had to carry me back to the hotel?

"You're fucking unbelievable, Noah." I shook my head and turned away from him.

If I wasn't starving, I would head back to the hotel. But I already ordered and didn't want my food to go to waste.

Folio, who was sitting on my other side, looked at me with sympathetic eyes and gave my knee a squeeze underneath the table. The rest of dinner passed by with Noah and I not speaking another word to each other while the others chatted amongst themselves. I ate my food and sipped at my water in peace, checking my phone every now and then to see if Lana had texted me back. It was almost eight in the evening, and I debated on wondering if it was too late to call to talk to my mom when my phone rang.

Excusing myself from the table, I walked down the block to answer the call. It was a fast phone call, my mom being too exhausted to talk. Instead, I caught up with Lana.

"Alright, well let me know how she is in the morning. I'll be in the bus for half of the day so I can talk with her," I sighed.

"I will, dear. She's so exhausted from today. I looked through some photo albums with her to help her remember but nothing. There was nothing in her eyes."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded even though Lana couldn't see.

"Yeah, those vacant eyes. It's been happening a lot lately."

There was a lot of rustling on Lana's end before her soft voice came through. "I promise you. She's in good hands. When she remembers things, we have a lot in common."

That made me smile.

"Good. And I'll send you the first payment tomorrow," I said much to my dismay.

"No rush, dear."

We talked for a few more minutes before I hung up, suddenly exhausted and wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed for the rest of the night. When I returned to the table, I halted seeing that only Noah sat there. He heard me walk up and handed me my to go box of leftover food.

"The bill's been taking care of," he said.

I didn't meet his gaze, still upset with him, as I snatched the box out of his hand.

"Don't worry, I didn't flirt with anyone to get free food."

Noah sighed then pushed himself out of his chair, immediately towering over me.

"Do you always have to talk with such an attitude," he gritted out through clenched teeth.

I stood toe to toe with him. "Only for you, baby."

The pet name was supposed to come out as playful, no meaning behind it. But with the way Noah's eyes flashed and a low noise vibrated from his throat, I knew it had the opposite effect on him. His tongue rolled over his bottom lip and I wanted nothing more that to taste them.

"Can I walk you back to the hotel?" Noah asked.

Unbelievable.

"Oh, now that no one is around you act like you give a shit?" I snarled.

He raised his hands. "I'm trying to be nice, Y/N."

"Here's a piece of advice," I snatched my purse from the table, "If you want to be nice to me, stop doing it when we're alone. It makes me think you're embarrassed to be seen with me."

Noah's face fell and began shaking his head. "It's not that."

"Oh, right? It was because of that night in Chicago where you had to carry me back to the hotel. News flash, Noah. I didn't fucking ask you too. So do me a favor, unless it deals with work, don't talk to me the rest of the time were on tour."

Not bothering to listen to him come up with another excuse, I turned on my heels and stomped back towards the hotel.

[polyamorousmood]

Hi! I'm rather new to poly and have found your blog to be a source of reassurance. I was wondering if I could ask for some advice-- no worries if you can't respond!

My partner and I opened our relationship about half a year ago. I don't really like my meta as a person; there isn't anything particularly wrong with her, our personalities are just too different and her energy stresses me out a little. Think grumpy cat and hyper puppy.

We share a friend group and this friend group does a lot of events together so we often share the same space. For context, she's known some of them for longer than I have, but I have become more enmeshed into the group since I joined. Hinge and I also live together (with two of said friends). Because of that, I always let her spend time with hinge whenever we have a gathering because I get to see hinge more often than her. In fact I almost actively avoid hinge and hang out with other people to give them space. Afterwards, I sleep on the couch so she can sleep in the (hinge and my) bed with hinge.

I feel like I'm doing my best to give her/them space but I can tell she isn't happy. The group went out to a restaurant for my birthday and when I walked into the lobby where she was waiting with some of the others, she started crying at the sight of me and had to excuse herself. I'm not sure what I did wrong. I had just had a date with hinge and we walked in together so maybe I forgot to stop holding hands with hinge (?) Maybe she saw my phone screen which was a picture of me and hinge (?) (A normal picture of us hugging not anything too intimate)

I feel awkward now and like I have to watch myself to make sure I don't "slip up" again. I don't think I should need to hold myself to such strict standards but perhaps I'm wrong. It feels like walking on eggshells around her and if I show hinge any affection then she'll be upset. The other day hinge sent a picture of us to the group chat and I think she's unfriended me on socials since then.

What should I do in a situation like this? Can I even do anything? Was my mistake really that bad?

😬😬😬

I'm just going to put the read more here

TL;DR: yeah, you should do something. I don't think its all on you for not adhering to 0 affection in front of the girlfriend ever though.

This brings up a lot of personal struggles for me. I am going to present as best I can a good faith reading of all parties here, but know that my bias favors you, dear asker.

For clarity, the asker will be called you, the partner will be called Hinge, and the meta of the asker will be called gf/Girlfriend.

I think Girlfriend is not actually 100% okay with polyamory, and is doing her best to smother those feelings because she's so fond of Hinge.

In fairness to gf, I am making a lot of assumptions (limitations of tumblr asks and limited information), its still fairly new, and its a really complicated place to be in for her. You're all friends so god only knows what would happen to the dynamic of the friend group if she couldn't make this work. If she breaks up, that makes things really awkward, if she enforces a stricter thing about keeping your lives separate, that makes things really awkward. Basically every move she makes here risks ramifications for her whole (or at least a lot of) her social life, not just her relationship with Hinge (and you).

Based on what you've said, I would be surprised if gf's done the work to confront the reality of what polyamory will look like for y'all and make peace with it. Or renegotiate that reality until its something she can make peace with. I say this because in most healthy dynamics I have seen, it should be expected for a partner to give you attention on your birthday. Girlfriend not being able to handle whatever it was that set her off, to me is proof she wasn't preparing. Now once she was at that junction, gf did the right thing by excusing herself, but I can only imagine how much that killed the vibe. On your birthday 🎂🫤.

So to your questions: "What should I do in a situation like this? Can I even do anything?" I do have some things you could do, but not a lot. The first of which is to ask her wtf that was about (but very gently) assuming its recent enough to do that. I would come at this from a place of confused concern a la "I just wanted to check in with you after the dinner. You seemed really upset and I wasn't sure why. I really wanted you to have a nice time for my birthday".

And then the paths diverge. Maybe she says "it was fun, sorry, it was just hard seeing you laughing with Hinge" but maybe she says "My Aunt just died and I was trying to keep it together and I couldn't". I'm operating off assumptions because I have to. But you don't have to. Confirm that shit one way or another. Then, you have three options

You can ignore it (not recommended).

You can go for a heart-to-heart.

You can ask Hinge to work with gf on this.

For both 2 and 3, you're going to have to have an idea of what's acceptable to you and what isn't. How much (more) are you willing to compromise and realistically able to do? If you're making Hinge the go-between (which might be the good move if you and gf don't really get along!) you will have to lay it all out. Make a whole speech about why you're concerned, what a better for you set-up would look like, how you'd like Hinge to help facilitate that, and how long shit like this is something you're able to handle. Go into it as a problem solving endeavor seeking Hinge's input and support, with the understanding this is for gf's sake too. Talk about a how things would look in a few months. If you do ask Hinge to handle this, you two need to agree on what is reasonable, on what timeframe, and that Hinge will present it to gf as something they're concerned about too so as not to paint you as a snake in Hinge's and gf's garden

Because I only see a few things that can happen

Nothing changes. It goes on like this forever. Its always kinda weird, you probably start dreading inviting her to things for fear of a repeat of your birthday, but you all just kinda grin and bear it and its not ideal but its good enough.

You can separate more. Like, all three of you are never in the same room together. This will likely make things really weird with the friend group! Every group activity will require people to choose whether its you who gets the invite or gf. Friends also have to be on board with not talking about shit you did with Hinge. Hinge will probably have to kind of "live two separate lives." How does that work given that you live with Hinge? haha, good question! It will necessary limit how much time gf has with Hinge, how much time you have with Hinge, and how much free time outside of you two for the rest of his life Hinge has. All this is workable, but it will probably be difficult and kinda weird for a good while.

Girlfriend can pony up. She can go through the gut-wrenching process of desensitizing herself to seeing you two show affection and accept that you are always going to be there, too. I expect you and especially Hinge would do what you can to help her, and there will be benefits, too! but its still just going to be really hard on her for awhile. This can put Hinge in a pinch if your expectations and Girlfriend's aren't lining up, and since this is mostly on her, you don't have as much control.

Someone breaks up with someone. This doesn't need further explanation.

I will now show my ✨ biases✨. I don't know how long Hinge and Girlfriend have been together, but assuming its the full 6 months, and assuming the issue IS she's just not okay seeing you two like each other, ever... personally, that's "push comes to shove" time for me. Are you in or are you out? Is she actually okay with polyamory, or is she forcing herself into something that's making her miserable for love? Y'all's timeframe might look different, but if you don't address this soon, this sounds like shit that could force one of you to a point of ultimatums. Most people need good time to acclimate to polyamory! but if its six months and she is indeed crying about you two briefly holding hands... that's not acclimatization. And maybe you're Built Different💪, but I could not handle a those restrictions with those consequences long term. Personally, I'd sooner die than not be able to hold my partner's hand, so I think you're being very accommodating, and if gf can't handle human slip-ups, that's not on you.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hello! If you don't mind, this is half a vent and half an ask both to you and to your followers who have had some experience?

I feel like I want certain aspects of a romantic relationship, the idea of having someone "special" is very appealing. Especially since I find myself falling in the trap of romance tropes, and I really do feel that I want to find that one person who I'd feel safe being physically close with, and not just because I turn my brain off to suffer through it but to actually enjoy it.

I know that I'm rather attracted to men, in theory at least, but whenever there's even remotely a thought in my brain that a polite conversation may turn into something more I get nervous, kinda in a bad way. I feel like I want to put a barrier in and I'm afraid they'll be reading into my behaviour too much. It makes me feel as if I like to play pretend in my head but I'm too much of a coward when real life gets involved.

I've been identifying as ace for years now, and I just turned 24. No experience in the dating department, I've been slowly making my way to accepting being at least arospec as well, possibly just aro, but for some reason it's been so much harder for me. Asexuality just clicked. This I think I may be fighting because the idea of a relationship seems too nice to give up and I've already had a bad experience with an extremely undernegotiated QPR (ended quickly but left a bitter taste nevertheless).

I just wish I could not think about it? But I also feel like the societal expectations of romantic attraction are much more pressing than sexual one. I don't want to lead anyone on, and I don't want to feel this little bit of dread whenever I have a conversation with a guy who I know doesn't have a girlfriend. That's another sign of being aro, right? Being able to be comfortable only when the possibility of the other party wanting you romantically is non-existent.

Sorry for this being so long. Thank you for listening, either way.

Romance definitely has a hard to explain quality to it, and I think that can make it questioning if you're aro especially tricky. It is possible that anxiety you're feeling when a situation could turn romantic is a form of repulsion. It's not uncommon for romance repulsion to feel more like anxiety or nervousness, and for people feel like wanting to go and hide. Alloromantic people can be nervous too sometimes, but it usually comes with a feeling of anticipation and still being drawn to the other person. Or they will usually have either trouble with anxiety in other areas, or issues with romance (romance related trauma for example). Sometimes it can be tricky to know exactly what it is, but if the stuff below doesn't sound like you at all, than repulsion is a likely explanation.

The other thing I would point is that fully alloromantic people often have people in real life they are experience a romantic pull towards, who they really want to be in a romantic relationship with. And if you're not experiencing that, that could also be a strong sign of being aromantic.

Being aromantic, and even romance repulsed, if you are, does not mean you can't have a very important person in your life. I know you mentioned a QPR that didn't go well, and it's up to you if that's something you ever want to try again, but even if you don't. remember that deep bonds can come in all forms of relationships. All types of relationships, including friendships, familial relationships, etc. have the potential to be very special of very deep if you end up connecting to someone in the right way. So whatever path you choose to take, don't feel like this isn't possible.

I'll throw this out followers too if anyone wants to share their own thoughts or advice.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[oraclekleo]

A little personal note today.

Sometimes even I need a bit of a support and caring from others.

I might not be good at asking for neither of it and it's mostly because many people actually turn to me for support, encouragement, advice, mood uplifting, etc. And when I'm usually the one listening to other people's struggles, I learn how fragile they are which is not a bad thing at all. Only trouble is that when I actually struggle for once in a blue moon, I don't feel like I can ask for support from those people because if they are more fragile than me, how on Earth could I actually put my own burden on them? If it's crushing even me, how could I let them carry the weight? I simply can't make myself trust them being able to help me. And yes, it's my trust issue kicking in and I should work on it but it's really hard to do so. Especially without any kind of help which I can't ask for. It's really just a gloomy cycle.

This is not supposed to blame my friends for any of this. I do this to myself. I just don't feel so well today and my sense of responsibility is pushing me to explain, why I'm not completing readings these days.

So please, be patient with me. This isn't my first solo rodeo where I need to handle my own issues alone, I'll manage. It's just energetically very demanding and it might take me a while to be my normal self again.

Also... If you actually have a friend to whom you turn to whenever you struggle but you can't remember the last time they actually asked the same from you... they do struggle, too. Be kind to them. They might not ask you for help but they will appreciate a few kind and encouraging words now and then. 😉

Thank you for reading this far.

Kleo 🦄

(I might actually delete this later on as I despise even hinting emotional outbursts when it comes to myself, it's just a weird vibe surrounding me today)

[notoneopinion]

Self Care Tips After a Long Day

Personally, I have been having a lot of these 'long days' recently, and these tips have been saving my sanity. So I thought I'd share them with you! Christmas is coming up, a lot of us are taking on extra or longer shifts at work to be able to afford the presents we need to buy, so hopefully some of this advice will come in handy.

1. Treat yourself!

A pretty simple one, but it really is very important. I sometimes treat myself with a coffee after work, because there is nothing better than a hit of caffeine after a twelve and a half hour shift, let me tell you. If I don't feel like spending money, I'll come home and watch a movie, lay out a few packets of crisps to enjoy whilst I relax. It really is a thing of just unwinding after a particularly long day, making sure your body gets that rest it deserves.

2. Journal

This really is one of the biggest self-care tips you will get. Anyone who knows anything about taking care of your mind knows that writing out your feelings is a great way to sort out your emotions. It can also be very relaxing, which is perfect after a long day. I love making a Scene of it, too - lighting a candle, putting on some music or a nice YouTube video in the background, and just sitting down at my table in cosy pyjamas to write about my day. I personally go with the old brain-dump method, but there's a ton of different ways to journal that you can look into, whether that be fun prompts, lists, or a brain-dump, like me!

3. Sit in silence.

Genuinely, just sit in silence. Come home, get into comfy clothes, and just sit. Stare at a wall. Play with a fidget toy. Put noise-cancelling headphones on and just be present in your own space. I find myself doing this mostly due to my autism; I kind of have no choice in the matter, considering my brain tends to shut down after a long day, and all I can really do is sit in silence. But it's not a bad thing, and I recommend trying to do it for anyone who might be feeling a little overwhelmed. The silence can do wonders.

4. Have a bath/shower.

I'm a shower girlie, personally, but that's only because I don't actually have a bath.

Either way, getting washed and clean and feeling fresh is an ultimate form of self care!!!! It might take a bit of motivation to actually get yourself into the shower (trust me, I know) but once you do it, you'll feel incredible. I'm personally not a big fan of the whole Everything Shower thing - I think I'm just too lazy to get everything scrubbed, shaved and moisturised, and if you're the same, there's nothing wrong with that. Wash your hair. Put some soap on those limbs. Just feel the hot water on your skin, maybe do a bit of skin care afterwards if you're feeling up to it. But getting washed and fresh will make you feel ten times better, and might even wake you up a bit if that's what you need!

5. Meal prep.

I live by this.

Once upon a time, I didn't meal prep, and I would come home at 8:30pm after a twelve hour shift full of heavy lifting and verbal abuse (lol guess what I work as) and I would immediately just order a takeaway. In the moment, this is all good - it's a treat, I deserve it, it tastes nice. But after three days of takeaways, you start feeling a little bit shit about yourself, and you're not being too kind on your wallet, either.

I started using a brief portion of my days off to meal prep for the week - just dinners, stuff I could throw in the fridge/freezer and heat up when I got home. Let me tell you, it was self care. Not only was my health improving dramatically, but my mental health was also given a break because I was no longer feeling bad about the stuff I was putting in my body. Plus, meal prepping at the start of the week (or just whenever you get a chance, really) gives you the opportunity to actually think about what you're making, so chances are you're going to be a bit more conscious about what you're putting into your body. I also enjoy cooking a great deal, so it's not even a chore on my day off - I find it quite relaxing to throw some music on, get my cook book out and just enjoy the task.

[compassionatereminders]

My friend was telling me she is trans for a long time and now she came out to her parents. I'm 23 and I still live at home since I'm pursuing education and I work part time only.

My parents were always very strict, even about visits. There are no visits allowed after 7 pm (dinner time). I share my room with my younger sister so we never had any sleep overs. Honestly I never had problems with these rules since I'm a bit anti social.

My friend said her parents threaten her that they will kick her out if she will keep talking about wanting to transition. She asked if she can stay at my place. I told her she can't and apparently now I'm a horrible person.

It's a 2 bedroom apartment. 1 room for my parents, 1 room for me and my sister. Bathroom and a small kitchen and that's it. We have no couches, no extra space. Even if we had any extra space my parents would not allow anyone to stay here, especially not for a longer time like a week or a few months.

I offered my friend money if she wants to stay in a motel or something like that (I pay some bills, and buy food but I do have some savings). I offered that I can help her with moving out her things, I offered to borrow my dad's car if she needs a ride. I told her I could get her a job interview since she has no job, I work part time at a super market and they are a chain super market so even if they don't need people at my location I can ask if they need someone in another location.

She said she doesn't want to live in a motel, she says if I can't let her stay at our place then she doesn't need my help with moving out, and that she doesn't want to work in a super market... I also don't want to work in a super market but I still have to since I want to buy myself nice things and ofc I also give some money towards bills and food since I don't want to be a leech to my parents, even tho they never asked me to give them any money since I don't have a full time job.

I can't convince my parents to accept her as a guest in our home. Not because she is trans, no one is welcomed here unless it's a visit and at the end of the day you just have to go home. I did ask even if I knew they will say no. My mom even said ARE YOU CRAZY since we have such a small apartment.

I feel like I offered her a lot? And I'm always there whenever she wants to talk. But the only thing I can't offer is a place to stay because at the end of the day is not up to me. I don't own our apartment. She doesn't want to talk to me and I got a nasty text how my parents are transphobic... even though they wouldn't let anyone stay... not a str8 cis person, not a gay person... not anyone.

And her parents did not kick her out. They said they don't want to hear anything about "the trans stuff" she can still live there as of now. But she herself wants to move out asap. And I don't think it's fair all this is blamed on me because she can't move out???

Right now parents most likely have to process all of this and in the mean time she can look for a job, maybe she could look for roommates so she could split the rent or something. When I mentioned that she is not being kicked out right now she was also very mad at me. Like I understand, but if someone threatened me that they will kick me out, I would most likely not mention anything about my transition anymore, I would look for a job, a place to stay and then I would start this topic again.

I offered such advice and it wasn't good enough. I offered money, help, offered asking for a job so I could know which super market needs new employees... and nothing was good enough.

Do I really deserve being called a shit friend because I can't convince my parents so they would let her move in with us for who knows how long?

I think it sounds like you've offered everything you're realistically able to offer to help your friend out, and you're definitely not a bad person simply for being unable to provide everything she might need/desire. I get that she's upset that she has nowhere to move in, but it's really not okay to take it all out on you when you are obviously doing everything in your power to help.

[khaire-traveler]

hello, I’m kinda new to worshiping the Greek Gods, and I’m kinda nervous. Do you have any tips for starting worship and setting up altars? If possible, do you have tips for setting up an alter for Dionysus?

Hey, Nonny!

I have this post I already made about generally beginning deity worship. It could stand to be updated, but you should be able to find some hopefully helpful information there. c: Other than that, I recommend looking at my pinned post and the Deities & Entities section. There's a variety of information there that you may find useful to you as a beginner.

General items you can offer to Dionysus if you want to are grapes/grape juice/wine, anything leopard or bull related, pinecones, berry teas with honey, fruits, drawings of his sacred symbols or of him, poetry you've written for him, goodies from parties, your favorite candy, and jewelry that reminds you of him. Most people I meet also have a candle on their altar that represents the deity or that they light in honor of the deity. You don't need anything super fancy. You also don't need to be wildly formal or anything. My best advice is to be yourself. Be yourself within your worship. And above all, trust yourself. You've got this. I promise it's not nearly as scary as it may feel in the beginning. ���

I'm unsure if it helps to hear of my experiences with Dionysus, but I figure I'll share. For me, Dionysus has been extremely patient, compassionate, and understanding. Whenever I've come to him while dealing with a lot of anxiety or depression, he's always been gentle and guiding. He's always encouraged me to take care of myself and do things that are good for me. He supported me through some of my most difficult moments and held my hand when I needed someone to walk alongside me. He has helped me to accept both the dark and light, good and bad, parts of myself. Truly, Dionysus is a wonderful deity to have in your life. I find his energy comforting when I need it and lively when I need a spark of energy. I recommend worshipping him if you have interest because he will stand by you through thick and thin and teach you lessons you never even knew you needed to learn. Dionysus rocks! 💜🍇🥂

I hope this information helps you in some way, Nonny. Please take care, and I wish you the best of luck on your new journey. May it bring you joy, peace, and abundance. May Dionysus guide you, if you wish him to. Have a good day/night. 💜

[hwnglx]

Could u do a reading for soobin and Huening Kai dynamics please? Thanks! :)

soobin + huening kai's dynamic based on tarot, take it with a grain of salt

what is their dynamic like?

10ofp, 6ofsw&9ofsw+aceofp&world, 2ofswrx, 4ofw, 3ofp

aw.. these two are like a tightknit family. i'm getting very sweet, heartwearming and comfortable vibes from them. i can tell they have been through a lot of hardships together. were they close as trainees? they seemed to have shared many of their worries, fears and anxieties during their early days and walked down the strenous road to debuting together. i think they were there for each other in a time of indecision, insecurity and overwhelming worry. that gives them a very unique and special understanding of each other. kinda like the friend that understands you like no one else. the one that can finish your sentence before you do. they're just truly happy being around each other. they're glad they've been able to move to a more stable and joyful place together and can now enjoy the happiness that comes from being colleagues with one of your best friends. such a cute duo, honestly.

how does soobin feel towards kai?

star, 3ofwrx+5ofc&fool, aceofsw, 6ofsw, hieroph

oh i can tell he cherishes kai a lot. soobin seems very protective of his happiness and his wellbeing. he wants to be a source of healing for his bandmate and be there for him when he needs a shoulder to lean on. i can tell he just really values him a lot, idk.. he sees him like a precious star that needs to be cared for? there might've been times in which he felt frustrated because of miscommunications. i think he feels a lot of responsibility as a leader and can often feel the pressure to do everything right. he's afraid to do any of his members wrong. and since he's especially fond of kai (i was asking myself is this boy the maknae and he is, makes sense!), there seems to be some regret lingering in him concering some choices he made in the past. but they've all moved on now. soobin seems to have learnt from whatever failures he felt like he's done, and gained a lot of wisdom and maturity compared to before. he's at a place where he can give his members a lot of advice. he enjoys being a strong and knowledgable leader for his group now, which kai also seems to appreciate a lot.

how does kai feel towards soobin?

8ofc, 5ofp, 4ofp, devil&aceofc, 2ofsw&3ofc

yeah, there seems to have been a period in which they were more distant at first. i feel like this might've been a tiring time for the entire group, like it wasn't just the two, but it was especially difficult for kai because he has tendencies to guard his emotions and not express them in an overly open manner. he feels a lot, but can get uncomfortable sharing those emotions, which is a bad habit he seems to have struggled letting go of in the past. this habit caused the two to not communicate in a healthy and honest manner.

it does seem like he was able to open up his heart more as time went on though. he was able to embrace the positive outcome that resulted from that. he really seems like a very emotional person to me, so i think having soobin in his group helps him balance his intense feelings out. kai feels like the leader understands him and guides him whenever he's feeling unsure of what decision to take. soobin is able to bring out the more optimistic side in the maknae, and helps him get out of his head. there might be a tendency for him to overthink, so it seems like soobin is good at spotting that and bringing him back to reality. like, these two just complete each other so nicely. they really seem like brothers to me, with the way they seem to just get each other. very sweet energy 🤍

[pbandjesse]

I am really exhausted today. My eyes felt very swollen and I was just so sleepy. After the last two days I was just so beat. And it wasn't a bad day at all. But it was a lot of resting.

I slept alright. I woke up a few times. My back was hurting really bad and it was hard to find a way to be comfortable. But I would sleep well enough. Though I couldn't find my phone (I was laying on top of a blanket and it was under it) so it didn't charge all night which annoyed me but whatever.

I woke up 3 minutes before my alarm. And reset the alarm to give myself a couple extra minutes. I got up and got cleaned up and dressed and tried to feel alright. I was tired but we had to go to the doctors and when that was done I could rest. I sat at the kitchen island with James and ate a spoonful of peanut butter while we opened some mail. Found a weird one from the insurance and will need to follow up on what they are sending us a check? Less thing we need is for it to be a scam.

We got to the doctor's like 20 minutes early. I checked in and asked if they had any idea what this letter from the insurance could be because it was dated on a day I was at that office. But no luck figuring that out there. Ah well.

Whenever you go to these appointments you gotta pee in a cup. I almost fell over doing that. My center of gravity is all off. But it was fine. And then they pulled me back to a room really fast. I went through all my concerns and worked symptoms. The nurse said it was good for me to tell them anything even if it seemed small.

She would go get James and the midwife came in soon after. She's the first person I ever met at this practice and she's very nice. She said "hey kiddo" when she did the Doppler and he as did baby's heart. It was very cute.

I asked her about the texture/tone of my belly. I have never actually felt a pregnant person's belly before so I wanted to make sure I understood if things felt correct. She said the hard spots are my muscles and the middle but is my uterus. Neat. She also told me what to look for (no being able to press in at all) and gave some advice about warning signs of preterm labor. Made me feel more secure.

We also went over the gestational diabetes test. I chose the orange flavor and I will take that on the 30th. She said it's nicer if it's cold so I'll put that in the fridge. And I am to take it approx 45 minutes before my appointment. Can do. She made me feel better about even if I do fail and what will happen going forward. I'm glad I get to do it after Christmas.

We had gotten taken back so quickly that we were out of there and back to the car 5 minutes after our scheduled appointment. Amazing.

It was very grey and drizzly today. I asked James what they would like to do for brunch, as was our plan for the morning, and they said they had no strong feelings. Sounds good. Let's go to the Pancake House. We had tired that a few months ago and it was pretty good. So I was looking forward to trying something else.

We got there and we were in a giggly mood. Just talking and having a nice morning together. James got pumpkin pancakes and I got eggs Florentine. Which was way to much so I brought half home and had that for lunch later. I really enjoyed the home fries they served. And while I hate that they only have bottle soda, I would still go back.

I was getting really tired and I had a lot of pressure in my insides. I was very much ready to go home and lay down.

The plan was to possibly meet with the Fulwilers to go see the wicked movie. But they had a contractor coming through today so instead we would go on our own. But for now I wanted to go back to sleep.

I changed and got back in bed and would sleep for a few hours. I woke up for a little and drank some water but went back to sleep.

I texted James around 1230 when I was more awake. They came upstairs and held me for a bit while we watched TikToks. Eventually my phone was almost dead and I asked for three things. My charger. A soda. And my leftover eggs warmed up. James handled all of that.

What I was eating my food James gave me the times we could go see the movie. I didn't want to go to late because it's almost a 3 hour long movie. So we decided we would get ready soon and go to the 240 showing at the rotunda.

I'm glad we went then. I brought some snacks but James also got popcorn that they shared with me. I was nervous about having to pee the whole time. So I didn't want to drink to much just in case.

The seats at that theater are super comfy and I really appreciate that you can put the legs up like a lazy boy, which helped my legs not be in pain but it also allowed me to change positions to help when I had pressure in my belly and had to pee half way through but didn't want to miss anything.

I really liked the movie. I agreed that the color grading was a little dull. But the movie was wonderful. I loved the costuming, specifically the jewelry choices. I just loved the choices. I loved the expansion of the story. And the character design was lovely. I laughed a lot. I cried a little during a few of the songs that always hit me but I was surprised when you see baby Elphaba during defying gravity killed me and I was so close to sobbing. I am excited to see the second half next year. It was very good though and I'm very glad we went.

Me and James headed out. They said there went an end credits so we didn't have to wait. We hit the bathrooms and James came out talking about the mufasa trailer and how retconing the original origins is wild. They were very passionate about this. I was mostly just really tired after seeing such a long show.

We got to the car and headed home. I got a bit car sick and did not feel well at all. When we got back here it took most of an hour to not feel so sick. James brought me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and it helped a little bit I was just really uncomfy.

Eventually James came to lay in bed with me. Sweetp would join us. He's being really cuddly. But soon my legs hurt to much from him laying on them and I had to get up.

I would take a pretty cold bath. James filled two buckets of water to help but it was just never a nice one. At least I was clean.

Now we are in bed. And I am ready to sleep again. I feel like my eyes never opened all the way today. Was just to sleepy. But hopefully I will be fixed tomorrow.

I have an event tomorrow. I'm looking forward to that. I hope to cut out some bears and possibly new frog bodies in the morning. Maybe some cleaning. But mostly just a good day before work.

I hope you all sleep well tonight. I love you all. Goodnight!

[dearwriters]

Do you have any tips or advice for people with ADHD that struggle with writing?

ADHD writing advice?

I have been asked this before and the last time I said this:

I am NOT the person to ask about advice when it comes to ADHD management. That's something very individual and different things work for different people and I'm in no way qualified to speak on that.

Now, I am currently myself in talks with my therapist about me having some form of ADHD/ADD (which, you know... makes sense of a lot of things in retrospect). This being said: I am still no expert on the topic and especially not on your specific brain. We all work a bit different. I too struggle with writing a lot and I found that for me it's all about figuring out how my brain likes things. And isn't that the universal ADHD struggle?

I hyperfixate on stuff and then I burn out, so I need to account for that by

a) always having my phone with me so I can write down ideas, sentences, whole scenes whenever they hit me, because unless I am so obsessed with them that I can't stop thinking about them, I will simply not remember them and I will KNOW that I had something great I can't remember now and it will drive me bonkers.

b) figuring out how much planning I need to do. I personally need an outline (I call it "The Murder Board Method") to stay focused, but it can't be too detailed or I will loose interest. That's something very specific to the individual, I've seen people talk about instantly loosing interest the second they finished an outline, so lots of ADHD writers seem to be discovery writers.

c) allowing myself to write what I am excited about. Sometimes writing may seem like a bit of a chore when you are not motivated to write the scene you are currently working on. So I allow myself to jump around and write the scenes I am currently obsessed with. Sometimes that means only writing bits and pieces and later glueing them together. It can get disorganized but it's way more fun for me that way.

d) accepting that I will never have a routine, because my brain struggles with routines. So, while I often recommend people to build a writing routine, because it helps a lot of people, I myself just can't do it. Like, seriously, after 10 years of having to take medication every day, I still need a reminder on my phone! I actually also have reminders on my phone to remind me of going to the bathroom or drink water once in a while...

So yeah, bonus tip: set yourself reminders to take breaks while writing in case you are hyperfocusing and can't register that your bladder is actually in distress.

e) figuring out how to get in the zone. Something that helps me a lot with that is finding the right music. I spend a lot of time looking for songs with the right "vibe" I want to emulate, and sometimes I spend like... hours, listening to the same song on repeat. I also, when I struggle really bad, try to just sit down and write whatever comes to mind. Zero filter, zero censoring, stream of consciousness. Just write down your whole thought process. Even if you write ten times “I don’t know what to write”. Sometimes it feels like uncorking a bottle of champagne that build up a lot of pressure and suddenly it just all spills out. Furthermore I found that engaging with writing content (like here on tumblr for example) gets me back into my excitement about the writing itself!

f) making a game out of it. I like checking things off a to do list. So by making little goals for myself and being able to chek them off, it kinda gives me a feeling of accomplishment and I can get myself a treat :)

So yeah, this might be very unhelpful for you, but maybe it will help someone out there.

Have fun writing!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw: Sui ideation, self-harm, general sui warning because idk?

Looking for: Advice

Okay, so, I'm kind of really scaring myself lately. I'm used to being able to be hit with emotional stuff and cope (in healthy or minorly unhealthy ways).

But lately I've been having worse s/h urges than usual (I want to actually draw blood and/or get something sharp to use), and there's been a couple times where the suicidal urges have been really strong.

There was a point a few years ago where I was on the edge of going and committing suicide, but my Mother (though unhelpful, could stop me) was there at the time and I didn't s/h. I've hit that point again a couple of times, and the only thing I've really managed to do with it is say "let me just do this thing, and then we'll go". Said thing is really easy for me to get locked into hyperfixation loops on so bad I'll fall asleep doing it, which is why it's my go-to, but I'm scared if I get bored of it I won't have anything stopping me anymore.

And whenever I get to these points I think, maybe I should call a hotline or something or have Mother (albeit. sleeping.) call the hotline, but I keep thinking I'm not actually going to do anything, I'm not actually feeling these urges I'm just stressed and thinking of easy outs and I just want attention.

And I know you're supposed to "call before it's too late" and "you're not seeking attention" but also. How do I know the difference between just wanting to and being at genuine risk of doing something? What if I'm really just over exaggerating? Maybe part of this is because the last time I got to this point Mother said I was being sensitive and it was my fault, etc., but I don't know.

And it's usually worn off when I wake up, so it's not really an emergency I guess? Not like I have a note or anything set up if it does happen or like I have a method or anything. There's no plan it's just like...I want to just walk out on the road and let it happen. Maybe that counts as a plan. I don't know.

But either way, I just. I don't know. It's never been so strong and so real so often, that one time was rock bottom in an already dark place, but now it's happening consistently, at least once a week if not twice or more. And it's stupid because then, like, I could be on the verge of just going through with it one night, and the next day going "yeah idk what the fuck I was on about this is tolerable", so it feels even more invalid and idk. It's so stupid. I have no idea when I should really take the risk of trying to call something or however that works (I don't even know how it works.) and I'm scared if I tell my therapist about it, he won't let me choose he'll just call. But what if I am just exaggerating and he tells me that I'm just overreacting?? Fjdjansnwjajsnnf

Haven't said anything because the only people with me rn are my Mother (concerns discussed), my therapist (concerns discussed), and my brother but. Idk. I'm scared my brother will just think I'm overreacting to nothing or whatever (he doesn't know most of my life history, and struggles understand stuff like neurodivergence beyond stereotypes, and while he brought up it sounded like I had depression at one point, I'm still unsure on where he might stand with mental illness), or that I'll just be adding to an already very loaded plate. Same with Mother. Everyone's got too much shit and if I add this to that it's just make everything so much worse.

Trying to make this as stable as possible, I'm sorry I'm going through it rn lol. I tried to cut the fluff but I'm super foggy right now and yeah. I'm gonna go do my hyperfixation thing before I do something stupid, but I appreciate any advice you can give.

(And, if you think I should be calling someone at these points, resources would be appreciated because I don't actually know what to do and if I have to tell someone I don't want them calling 911 or something. I'm not sure how reasonable that anxiety is, but yeah. Thanks. Have a good day <3)

- Ghost (👻) (Tumblr never likes to let me search my ask so I'm attempting to sign it this time so it may go through, sorry if the thing is taken)

Hi Ghost,

I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling with suicidal thoughts. Please know that it's okay to call or text a crisis hotline even if you're not literally on the brink of suicide. Having the thought can escalate very quickly regardless of how many times you've had that thought before, so it's better to be safe than sorry. If you ever have those thoughts again, know that you are welcome to text HELP to 741741, text or call 988, or browse this masterpost of international crisis hotlines. I can assure you that there are no repercussions to reaching out to 741741 or 988, but I am less familiar with the resources on the masterpost, so do keep that in mind.

If anyone has any additional comments or suggestions, please feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[sk-lumen]

Hi 💖 I hope you are doing well 💕 I found your blog recently after ending an 'almost relationship' thing. Your posts have help me a lot! But there are days where I still struggle with my feelings thinking maybe I didn't make the right decision. He ...he was gaslighting me and there were times when he made me feel stupid and worthless but for some reason I found myself missing him on times. I keep trying to remind myself about the things he did to me. I also found out a few days ago (I stalked his Twitter, I know I'm stupid) he still misses and loves his ex :'( all the time he was with me he was thinking of his ex and it makes me feel sick. I really really like him despite his mistreatment towards me and with the horrible things he told me when I told him a romantic relationship was out of the picture for now. I don't know how to get rid of these feelings. I don't know how to stop missing him. Do you have any advice?

Hi dear,

It's normal to miss someone that you've had a connection with, even if there was mistreatment. It's human. You can't just erase all the good moments with a sponge.

Why you still miss them:

You're trauma bonded. The mistreatment has taken your emotions on a rollercoaster and you're no longer able to think clearly and objectively. Gaslighting especially can really distort your perception of reality and trust in yourself (because the person you love is essentially making you think you're crazy, no wonder).

Their mistreatment has messed up your nervous system regulation, hormones and mental health (this is actually real). Now out of reflex you're running to him, to find healing/resolution in their arms. Right now, you need to heal it yourself, reclaim your power and find safety in your own self.

There's still some feelings left, which is ok. They will fade with time.

However, that doesn't mean you need to get back to them. You don't need to act on the feelings, you just need to acknowledge and release them.

Here's what you should do next:

No contact. Delete him from your social media, remove any bookmarks, forget his handles, delete messages and photos, block him if necessary. I know it's hard and painful! But you can either choose your own healing & mental health, or you can choose stalking him and his ex. You can't do both honey, I guarantee it.

Write a list of all the negative things he did, and how terrible it made you feel. Do this only once, really remember how toxic he was.

Write a letter to yourself as a promise to choose better, validate yourself with positive affirmations and all the great things you deserve.

Whenever you have doubts, start hoping or fantasizing again, just read the list & letter again. You'll get the ick and think clearly again, trust me.

What helps when you start spiralling:

It's normal to have bad days, and good days as you start healing from him and moving on.

To release anger, do some intensive activities like gym, jogging or painting, etc.

To process sadness, talk to a friend, journal, or listen to some music that just absorbs & releases your pain.

If you're feeling numb/blank or depressed, just be patient with yourself and focus on basics. Rest, sleep, eat right, hold your heart close and take it one day at a time.

Hope this helps. It gets better, I promise. 💖

-L.

[polyamorousmood]

Some remarks on sending in asks to this blog:

No, you don't have to read this whole thing before you send in an ask. This is for people who are confused or anxious. It's going to be linked to whenever I finally break down and make a pinned post for this blog. I'll update this with anything new.

I am not a messiah, prophet, or buddha. I think my opinions are top-notch, but I'm not handing down the word of any god🛐.

I always want to hear poly positivity and success stories! 😍 Even if I've heard it before it warms my heart please please please

📬"ask box is always open" means only that. It does not mean asks will always get answered (though I do my best). I reserve the right to delete any ask without comment.

There are no rules on what you can/cannot ask, but if your question is vague, already in the FAQ (below), I don't have anything useful to say about it, just plain mean, or otherwise something I don't want to answer, I probably won't.

This means you CAN ask things in the FAQ, you just probably won't get a new answer unless you show me how the FAQ answer doesn't apply.

If you want to be a bro to me, try searching/checking the tag for your topic before asking. I try to use tags and make it navigable. Tumblr tries not to, as we all know, so I don't blame anyone for not being able to find something. Don't sweat it

If you don't want your ask flagged as too vague, give details! I can only work with what I got. "How do I talk to my partner about X?" ❌I've already answered that, too vague for me to give a new answer. "I try to talk to my partner about X, but they keep getting hung up on Y, even though they said they were working on it. I've tried A and B, but Y keeps coming up. I can't try C because that is a major trigger for their anxiety. Its been 5 months. Do you have anything else that might help?" ✅Well now I might have something for you.

I regularly sit on asks for days or even weeks. I have a job and hobbies and multiple romantic relationships to maintain here 😅

If you're a repeat anon asker, pick an emoji to sign your asks with so I can know who I'm talking to! I like friends, I don't like calling everyone "anon"

FAQ:

"How do I talk to my partner about [insert your problem here]?"

"How do I handle insecurity/jealousy?" start here, read this and probably this oh and also this one I guess

"I have a crush on a monogamist, what do I do?" Start here

"Should I break up with them?" -> yeah, probably. If not that, at the very least you need to have a serious talk and lay down some rules: draw your line in the sand and stick to it. It always boils down to that.

"I'm in a One Penis Policy and I don't like that" This one has two read mores. Open them both.

"Am I poly?" Probably, but there's a tag for that if you want

"Can I call myself poly if--" you can do whatever you want forever.

"I still feel guilty about being polyamorous. Any advice?"

"Are you the motherfucker that made an excel sheet of polyamorous songs?" I am💗 and if you're good at identifying music genres and want to help me with that please DM because I'm bad at that and want to improve the list