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that-one-weeb-but-it-transformer · 11 months ago

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Your Optimus' Older sister, and he's always looked up to you even as a Prime headcannons

When Optimus was "born" you were still young, you could remember holding him

Basically you guys were inseparable since you were young

You helped him get through his schooling and a job at the archives actually

You were kinda like that embarssing mom, especially infront of Femmes you caught him glancing often

"Ooo is that your little-" "no! No! No!"

In an honest respect you both have each others back, you've been there for every big ceremony he's been apart of.

He told you about becoming a prime first

You were more than proud of him.

And even as a Prime he really still found you a roll model

Always looking up to you like he did when you were both younger, either it be in battle or in simply speaking.

Its unfortunate but you both broke apart with the wars final days

He to earth and you, well he didnt know exactly what had happened to you

He hadnt forgot about you, but pushed you to the back of his mind.

Maybe he hoped you'd find your way to him like all those times you did when he got lost as a youngling, telling him it'd be okay as he cried scared he had lost you forever

"I always come back. Don't I Orion?"

What a way to run back into each other, back on earth that is

Everyones shocked to be honest.

They had never known Optimus had a sister, none the less one so different from him.

Also. He showing a happy emotion? Its a good day

"Still light as ever I see!"

Not you picking him up in a hug, basically embarssing him.

The bots were glad to have another well rounded fighter

And Miko was just glad to meet another kick ass bot

"Optimus has a sister? And that sister is you?"

"Bam! Right on the dot! Me and ol Blue and Red here! Together again! Huh?"

Despite your outgoingness you do keep silent, they've realized Optimus started doing your little finger on the chin thing as you think

"I didn't think Femmes could be so tall."

"You're just mad because she's taller than you, Jackie."

Tall femme supremacy

"So! What did you do on Cybertron?" Miko asked happily.

"Do?" Y/n questioned hands on her hips, "what do you mean do?"

"I bet you were a Wrecker like Bulkhead and Wheeljack! Are you a prime?"

"Oh my occupation!" Y/n smiled as she thought, finger holding her chin in thought, "well i did a number of things, anything to get some energon on the table."

"I thought you and Orion lived in Iacon." Raffle spoke.

Y/n nodded, "We did. Didn't mean it was easy. I did do a number of things Im not proud of Anything for my little brother." Y/n answered with a smile.

"I was more than happy to ruin my own reputation and life to get him where he needed to be." Y/n spoke.

"Wow." Jack responded, "I'd wish I had siblings like you."

Y/n smiled with a nod, "never break up a set. I use to tell him that all the time."

Megatron? Terrified of you

Mostly because you've been able to kick his aft more than once in his life time

Picking up your injured brother

Protecting your injured brother

Taking the shot for your injured brother

Ratchet came out of base to even get Optimus immediate medical attention, but you snapped back and wouldn't let anyone touch him as you held him close

Ratchet knew you before hand so it was a bit helpful that he knew all the things you been through.

Arcee argues with you for it

"You could of gotten Optimus Killed!' She shouted at Y/n, pointing a demanding digit at Arcee.

"I know what Im doing. Back off!" Y/n demanded, "and don't point at me."

She slapped Arcee's servo away.

"You shouldn't even be here! You're a liability! You don't help in anyway and disrespectful Optimus!"

"Disrespect? I'd kill myself before I ever disrespected my little brother-"

"Thats just it! He's a leader not your little brother! Not no more! He thinks your embarrassing!"

"Oh please." Y/n spoke

"You're just dead weight-"

"Thats enough!" Ratchet demanded pulling the two apart.

"If Orion thinks Im such of a dead weight. He can tell me. And I'll leave." Y/n spoke, "and I won't come back."

"His name is Optimus." Arcee argued.

"And thats where you miss." Y/n defended, "This isnt just a discussion about war. This'll be a discuss about family."

You ended up leaving after dicussing it with Optimus

"But Y/n I don't understand why you are leaving"

You didnt tell him what had happen.

"It's just best for the team. If you need me, Im a comn link away."

It's almost like a big sister going off to college, but instead of coming back after 4 years, you won't come back at all

Kinda just fell off the face of the earth again :(

He never did comn you, and you never did come back.

He felt as if he's disappointed you in some way

That could be the only reason you left in such a way

Sure though, he'd find you again on the feild.

In a cave specifically, slumped against a wall, sword at your side, dead cons around you.

Sure, you did defeat all the cons, evident by the slashed chasis, decapitications, and sliced off body parts.

Turns out just one too many injuries got you this time around.

How his spark ached seeing you in such a stature

Never to see you alive again, never able to repay such a debt he had as you being his big sister

It's even more unfortunate that he never learns of why you truly left

#tfp #transformers #transformersprime #tfp headcanons #optimus headcannons #tfp optimus prime #optimus x reader #transformers prime optimus #optimus prime #transformers optimus #tfp optimus

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bonny-kookoo · 1 year ago

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bonnyy cld be get an off duty drabble w oc admiring jk's body mods im so curious abt them🤥

Jungkook has always had his body mods ever since you've known him.

He's never told you how or why he got them- but from what you know about other people's mods, and considering how and where they're placed, you've got an idea as to what their purpose is inside his body.

The back of his neck and his spine is covered by silver metal, a little scratched from the timeframe they've been in place, but overall still in mint condition. You know he's had them for quite some time now, and you've also heard from conversations that he's had them after an 'incident' at work.

So, during his police service, he must've been involved in something that caused him to need the mods now. But, you shouldn't be nosy, right? It's his past, not yours. And he's made it clear that he doesn't really want to have anything to do with you past normal partnership for work purposes.

You tend to forget that sometimes, especially when he's nicer to you than usual.

Right now, you're poking your head around your bedroom door, when he notices you, chuckling a bit. "What's up?" He asks, and you look into the kitchen for a second, before you mumble something. "Hm?" He asks, walking closer to hear you better.

"...can I have something to snack on.?" You wonder quietly, tail tucked between your legs and ears turned downwards. It's normal- you feel bad right now, because you've both been working overtime today, and he'd asked you twice on the way home if you wanted to eat something- which you denied in those moments, thinking that it would just bother him too much.

But you're horribly hungry, stomach growling in complaint.

"Aish, I asked you, didn't I?" He sighs, running a hand through his still damp hair from the shower, before he laughs. "Come on then, I'll warm up some leftovers." He invites you, letting you follow him into the kitchen.

You sit at the table, watching him move around, kitchen light reflecting off the silver body modifications on his neck and back. The clock is ticking and the microwave buzzes while he heats up your leftover dinner from yesterday, before he turns around, catching you staring.

"You can ask, you know." He says, arms crossed in front of his upper bare body, only sweatpants covering him.

"...but I shouldn't." You answer, leaning your chin on your arms on the table. "It's yours." You say.

"I mean, yeah, they're obviously mine. But you can still ask about them." He shrugs.

"...what're they for?" You ask because of that.

"Keep me moving." He simply answers. "The spinal one-" He says, sitting down close to you at the kitchen table so you can see them better. "-connects up here, to the one on my neck." He taps the metal, and you look at them in wonder. You've never seen them up close like this. "Without them, I wouldn't be able to move anymore." He shrugs off, and you look at him as if you want to ask further- but you don't.

"Not one bit?" You ask, and he chuckles.

"Not one bit." He offers. "But I got them, and they work well. So it's no big deal."

"Do you.. is it different with them?" You ask. "Like, do you feel different?" You wonder, and he moves his shoulders a bit, thinking.

"A little." He nods. "My hands feel numb sometimes when it's cold. And I have to be careful not to break them. Won't kill me- but I'd be a breathing corpse, basically." He laughs-

but you're not finding any of it funny.

There's an odd protectiveness bubbling up in you now. Feeding you the need to really have his back now- literally, and figuratively. Because, while you'd never admit it to not overcomplicate things, or put any burden or pressure on him-

You love him.

As more than just a partner.

#bts imagine #bts fanfic #bts fic #jungkook imagine #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook imagine #hybrid imagine #bts jungkook imagine #jungkook fanfic #bts jungkook fanfic #bts jungkook x reader #jungkook x reader

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desire-mona · 7 months ago

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why i think richard cameron is Like That

the long awaited cam analysis post of sorts!!!

so to start off, let me acknowledge the obvious: CAMERON SUCKED FOR WHAT HE DID TO HIS FRIENDS. THAT WAS MEAN AND SHITTY OF HIM, HE DESERVED TO GET PUNCHED IN THE FACE AND HE DESERVED TO HAVE HIS FRIENDS STOP LIKING HIM. this post is just to paint a more nuanced picture of the motivations and reasoning behind his cam-ness. also i feel the need to address that my love for dylan kussman HEAVILY influences my opinion on cameron, so please keep that in find when u read this. if my bias shows at any point then feel free to offer your perspective, odds are i'll find a way to agree :3

lets start at the very beginning of the movie, his first appearance with the tradition banner. this obviously wasn't anything i rly thought of in depth on my first watch, but on my second watch i was like oh Hm.

tradition, of course, is a BIG aspect of welton that the movie repeatedly emphasises, drawing lots of attention to how nothing changes. i find cam holding the tradition banner especially interesting in relativity to neil holding the excellence banner specifically. cam very clearly tries his best to embody the rules of welton (more on this later) and very rarely deviates from those rules, although he does on occasion (again - more on this later.) but despite his attempts to be the manifestation of those values are never met with any praise, unlike neil. that's not to say that neil isn't deserving of that praise though, absolutely he is deserving, but in terms of academics specifically, cam's pretty up there too! this part doesnt exactly tie in directly with the rest of the post, but just thought id point it out first to add a layer to the rest of my thoughts.

how i view cam's character arc is something that's framed in a way thats not supposed to be viewed as an arc, i suppose (interesting considering the tradition thing hm). of course thats inaccurate as he does in fact have in arc, it just small in relation to the more forefront-ed poets. and it makes him ultimately less likeable, so.

during a majority of the movie (pre neil death) cam is known as the guy who doesnt like to break rules, that much is obvious, but in the end he still does with the dead poets society. now the reasoning behind that isnt actually touched on in a direct way, so there are a few different ways you can view that. i'll touch on a few different reasonings that me, @pencileraser1, and @good--merits-accumulated came up with.

my reasoning - i see cam's willingness to break the rules as cam holding his friends' idea of him on a high pedestal, constantly taking into consideration what they think. not wanting his friends to consider him a loser or boring in any way, he joins despite the anxiety surrounding being caught. not without fuss though, he does still outwardly talk about how this isnt something they should be doing. all this and yet he does in fact join, AND he doesnt rat anyone out for a majority of the movie (even after the call from god dealio!!!) fomo, basically.

nick's reasoning (found in this post) - he just wanted his friends to be safe!!! joining to (in my view) keep them in line in terms of safety as well as. i guess. provide the reminder of the consequences i suppose?? nick im opening up the floor to u if u wanna delve into this point more cuz ur definitely able to provide better reasoning n such. if asking nick to talk abt things was a full time job.

tristan's reasoning (discussed in dms) - cam's need for authority. tristan brought up a very good headcanon/ theory/ something or other that cam is the type to need constant direction or authority, and i totally agree! (reason for that will - again - come up later.) now this culminates in a couple different ways. 1) most obviously, adhereing (ehh) to the rules of welton, and 2) his relationship with the rest of the poets. due to the size of the welton student body, a lack of individual direction from teachers and staff is almost inevitable. so to fill that gap, he adheres to his friends' """"""rules"""""", and joins the poets. floor is open to you as well if you'd like to elaborate further, tristan :3

my thoughts of cam being super focused on his friends' idea of him actually started as a bit. i believe i made a hc post about smoking weed?? maybe?? and said something along the lines of "cam would smoke even if he doesnt want to, not cuz of peer pressure from his friends but more of a self imposed peer pressure. thinking its rude/ cringe/ uncool to turn down smthn like this bc all the rest of the guys r doing it." but after a rewatch of the scene in dps where theyre all walking outside, it started having some merit in my mind! in that scene, keating does a sort of imitation of cameron when he first starts to walk, something like "am i doing this right?", "am i walking weird?", etc. (paraphrasing ofc.) so i sort of took that aspect and applied it to other parts of his character and found out that oh, this actually kinda makes sense!

speaking of keating and his lessons, lets talk carpe diem.

now my interpretation of cam is that he doesn't exactly *want* to apply carpe diem in his life, seeing it as an antithesis of the welton values. only joining the poets for the reasons mentioned above. however, he does indeed apply it in my eyes, but more as a fucked up reversal and dickish version which eventually ends up in him deservedly getting punched. now is this how keating intended him to interpret carpe diem? ehhhhhhhhhhhhh,, it's complicated, let's talk about the context a bit.

this part is more theorising than anything, so take it with a few grains of salt if u wish.

cam quite obviously is a pretty big stickler for the rules, which i believe is a result of outside influence. id like to thank @lovech1ld for reminding me of this! cam's parents/ grandparents/ guardians are noticably older than the other poets, which, in my eyes, makes a heavy emphasis on following the rules make a lot more sense (respect your elders type shit.) so this, combined with the inherent fear of authority that most of the boys seem to have, makes him a chronic rule follower. but it goes further than that, after these ideas have been pushed for so long, i feel that cameron's started to mix up his own personal morals and values with the morals and values of welton, viewing those two things as one in the same. here's where that starts to muddy things up in terms of carpe diem.

i interpret cam's finking AS his application of carpe diem in his life, but as more of a subconscious choice. now you may be thinking "hey. mona. what?" and i UNDERSTAND! but here's my reasoning behind that. as i mentioned/ theorised before, cam has a very high opinion of his friends' idea of him, but this does eventually change after neil's passing. his subconscious carpe diem application, to put it into proper words, was a way to stick up for himself and his beliefs despite what all his friends think. again, being brought about by neils death, since he didn't choose to rat anyone out when the opportunity first presented itself during the call from god assembly. and i dont think cam sticking up for himself is inherently a bad thing!! but! since cam's idea of his morals are so clouded by welton's, this isn't actually sticking up for himself, this is just being a tattletale.

he did provide other reasoning for doing so to the poets of course, so lets talk a bit about that too. he says something along the lines of "i did it for neil" and "this is what he wouldve wanted" which is obviously bullshit, objectively. but i don't think he saw it that way, i think he genuinely believed thats what he thought neil would've wanted, as stupid of him as that was. obviously thats not what he wouldve wanted AT ALL, and why he actually thought that is FAR beyond me. but i really dont think he wouldve turned anyone in if he didnt genuinely believe it, especially considering the fact that he was PART of the dead poets. even if he was the one to confess, im sure he likely got punished as well. (which also couldve been what he wanted? tristan this is an opening to also discuss catholic cam on here bc ur reasonings for that were INCREDIBLE.)

on top of this, i really dont think that cam actually understood the weight of what turning in everyone would do. now i will say right away, hes not dumb, he knew that keating would be fired and charlie would be expelled, and that alone should've turned him away if he really wanted to honor neil. as i said before we started, he absolutely deserved to be punched and lose his friends, that was a dick move that ended up ruining two lives for a long long time, if not forever.

but.

due to him grieving, his rules = morals shtick, and fear of authority, i think he turned in the poets without giving actual, proper thought into what the consequences of that would be. which manifests itself both in the film with the final scene.

in the last scene where all of the boys stand on the desk, we see multiple shots of cam looking around and looking at everyone standing. and we (or at least i) can definitely see some sort of consideration to join them!!! he of course doesnt, and ends up choosing to sit, looking QUITE ashamed. this too can he interpreted a couple ways, either as him being embarrassed that his peers are doing this, or as him wanting to join them but knowing that he was the reason keating was fired. knowing that it would be incredibly disingenuous, even if he stood as a way to sort of apologise to keating + the poets for what he did and show that he regrets his actions, he stayed seated. and was so. so. mad at himself for it.

now i don't remember where i heard this so im not sure how to go about fact checking, but i believe the choice to keep cam seated was ultimately dylan kussman's?????? but dont take my word as gospel in terms of that, i very well could be wrong.

BUT! this gives me an opportunity to talk abt how much i love dylan kussman!!!!! nick vocalised the thought before i was able to in one of his posts, but considering the fact that i agree wholeheartedly, i'll reiterate it. i see rsl and ethan hawke constantly be praised (deservedly!) for their understanding of the inner workings of their characters, especially reflected in the desk set scene. and while YES ABSOLUTELY, i think dylan needs this praise as well. dylan was the PERFECT casting choice for cameron and i will shout that from the rooftops until my voice goes hoarse. so so so many of his little mannerisms, facial expressions, ways of speaking, soooo many etceteras are just so. so. CAMERON! even the most comprehensive directorial choices cant top an actor's inherent understanding of a character and reflection of that in their performance. good god! i think my new dream in life is to ask dylan about how he came about properly embodying cameron and his process in doing so.

anyway

with my dylan fanfare over, that about wraps up my thoughts on cam in terms of the film itself. HOWEVER. i have lots and lots of thoughts after a long convo with tristan about certain headcanons and post-canon theories and whatever. will probably touch on those but i dont really have my thoughts properly collected enough, so that wont be until later.

as per usual with these types of posts, everyone else is welcome to add any input they may have. cam is one of my fav things to talk abt in terms of dps so i will eat up every single little thing. thank u for reading!!!!

#desire mona #WOO MAN #this took a while #but we're done!! finally!!!#dead poets society #richard cameron #dylan kussman #banger

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tales-of-wocdes · 7 days ago

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i hope im not asking for spoilers but what this game is actually about like living with trauma in the orpanage or something more? Because tbh im really curious about the story but im not really sure what else it can be about (please dont take it as hate😭😭) i was thinking like - learning magic and defeating the bad guy at the end of ch2 but i dont really think this game will be focused that much on revange/fighting.

Anyways im sure whatever youll create ill amd many more people will be happy because its so well written that i feel like you could just write a 1000 word story about a rock and id be so invested ill cry (youre an amazing writter and im glad im able to see your art)

Thank you! It is surreal to hear people say things like that. I'll see about the rock story at some point....

No worries, I am not so easy to offend :D It is a good question. And the answer is scary. Because it makes me doubt if we ever get there. Because the answer is that it is both about living with the trauma, and something more.

You can read the pinned post for some idea about the "overall" direction that is planned.

The rest will talk about what I would imagine the structure to be like and what I have divided it into in my notes. Read at your own peril. And also know that this is a very long term plan.

--------------------------------------------------------------

So the basic idea is that we have these "acts"

Where MC is at this age. The current act. The start of the journey so to speak. Getting used to life outside the "void". Everything is odd and new. Possibly a short time skip (weeks, months) during this act; or just make it into a new act.

2. MC is still a child but a couple of years into living at the orphanage. Basically the "living with trauma in the orphanage". This would be the phase where say MC is used to living at the orphanage, might get to venture out into the city. Is getting lessons about normal stuff.

3. MC is a teen/young adult in training. MC is actively in training and learning to fight.

4. MC is an adult. (The name of the IF and the pinned post do state what MC is supposed to become). MC goes out into the world with some companions to fulfill their duty.

Now does this make sense? There is a bigger background story but you can't really tell too much about it from this outline :D That bad guy at the end of C2 is supposed to start setting up some of the bigger background. Though I will freely admit, that it might be a tad too early for that interlude... but I can just move it a bit later if needed. I had it written so I included it :D I do things like that.

And this is not at all locked into stone. It is massively ambitious, meant to span a long time. I have already been quite honest that my outlines suck so who knows what will happen :D

I am taking it one day at a time, and refusing to worry about it too much :D Chipping away at it one tiny piece at a time.

#tales of wocdes #interactive fiction #the silver protector #wip #twine game #twine wip #fantasy #interactive novel #twine story

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thecordelialetters · 29 days ago

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The Bionic and the Ballerina Pt.4

wc:1,994

Chase Davenport x fem!reader

warning: suggestive prompts, sexual tension.

“You have bewitched me, body and soul.” -Mr. Darcy

Pt1 Pt2 Pt3

Days had passed since the "I love you" incident, and Chase avoided you like the plague. Each time you tried to talk to him, he'd run away. Even in class, he would move seats when you tried to sit next to him. You even tried to enlist the help of Adam, Bree, and Leo with no such luck. You looked at the missing seat at your lunch table as if it were calling to your guilt. Feeling tired of beating around the bush, you slammed your hands on the table, alerting your friends. "Okay, guys, I can't do this anymore. Chase can't keep avoiding me." Adam laughed. Well, what he did was super embarrassing. I'm surprised he's still at this school!" You glared at the tall boy. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a familiar blue plaid shirt and rushed from your seat out the door. "Chase! Wait please!" The minute you called his name he was running. You followed, sprinting past every student carelessly bumping into a few. You finally caught up to him and threw yourself against him, gripping his elbow and pinching his skin. "Ouch!" He yelled while rubbing his arm. You breathed out heavily, "I'm sorry but Chase you need to talk to me. We need to talk about what happened."

He rolled his eyes, "Nothing happened I made a mistake, I was overwhelmed by the dance and the music I just blurted it out." Unable to hide your disappointment the scowl on Chase's face wiped completely off. You turned your gaze to your shoes and sighed. "Look Chase, If that...kiss meant nothing to you that's fine. But it meant something to me. I don't just get involved with anyone." Your throat started to feel tight. Chase motioned to speak but you held your hand out, "I really like...I really liked you." Trying to keep your composure you turned and ran away weaving through people. You could hear Chase call after you but to be honest you weren't in a talking mood anymore.

Bree called you that night to talk about what happened. "Oh (y/n) he's just an idiot boy. An idiot that really likes you, that can't shut up about you half the time." Currently, half a pint down of strawberry and cheesecake ice cream you stuffed the spoon in and wiped the tears from your eyes. "Then why did he say that to me?" You frowned at the memory of Chase basically rejecting you. "You know guys say stupid things when they don't think. He was just nervous about being rejected by you." Bree sighed before continuing, "Look, you're a solid 10, and anyone would be lucky to even get close to you. He's just a dork with no experience with girls, and as terrible as it sounds, he probably feared rejection so much that he wanted to end things first." Bree knew Chase messed up, in the back of her mind she was a little happy thinking she could have you back. The way you made her feel made her...question some things. She shook her head at the thought, Chase liked you first, it was only fair. "Look, we're going to the beach tomorrow, come." You hesitated, "I don't know if he wants me there..." "He will trust me. And if not at least this is the chance to show him what he's missing." She countered. You thought for a moment before looking at your closet and picking out a little piece you haven't worn in a while. "You're right, I won't let him ruin my fun. I'll see you tomorrow!" She squealed with excitement.

You were walking on the boardwalk waiting for Bree when you noticed caramel brown hair in the distance. Excited to see your friend you ran over giving her a hug. "Bree! Im so excited this is going to be so fun." She gave you a once over. You were wearing a black string bikini top that was a size too small emphasizing your chest as your tanned skin glistened in the summer heat. On the bottom, you wore short jean shorts that were definitely not past your fingertips. Bree brazenly drooled, "Damn girl...Uh Chase will not be able to take his eyes off you." You lowered your sunglasses and winked at the girl, "Just as planned." Next thing you know Leo comes swaggering next to you, "Hey baby how you doing?" You deadpanned and turned to him, "Leo...it's me (y/n)."

He jumped back, "(y/n) damn look at you. Wait till-" He was cut off by someone shouting your name. Adam with a goofy grin on his face walked up with Chase trailing behind.

Chase turned to look at you, begging his eyes to stop trailing down your well-maintained frame. He looked down and clenched his jaw. He began rambling in his mind, trying to think of anything else that might distract him from you.

A soft hand touched his arm, "Hi Chase." He looked up and greeted you back before Adam shoved him out of the way causing him to knock into a large man. "Watch where you're going!" he barked. Ignoring him Adam strolled up to you giving you a once over, "Wow y/n you are looking fine, capital F-I-O-N-E." You chucked and rolled your eyes at the oldest Davenport's antics.

Before you could get another word out Bree turned to scold them, "Um aren't you guys supposed to be watching the van?" The brothers looked at each other in fear before taking off.

"Come on." Bree grabbed your arm dragging you with her.

The five of you stood on the beach, looking at the indent in the sand where their van should have been. You watched Chase freak out. Trying to comfort him, you placed your hand on his back, rubbing up and down, feeling his muscles contract under your touch. "We have to tell Mr. Davenport," Bree confessed. "Oh yeah? And tell him hey that really easy task where all we had to do was sit and wait well we didn't, totally blew it and the world is toast oopsie!" You looked at Chase and then Bree questionably. What was so important that losing the van was world-ending? Noticing your confusion Leo leaned over to you, "Don't worry they're just uh really dramatic." You nodded slowly still unsure about what to make of the situation. After the policeman came to inform the family over the $200 fine they convinced you to try and help them raise the funds. You watched Adam take a metal pole and turn it into a bunny and narrowed your eyes at the sibling's suspicious behavior. You pulled Bree aside, "Look Bree I thought this was going to be fun but I feel like...there's something you guys are all not telling me." She laughed nervously eyes flitting back and forth. "What?! No trust me there's nothing weird going on everything is totally normal." You crossed your arms and raised your eyebrow at her. "Look every family has their quirks and I'm no one to judge but...something is off and I don't like being lied to." For someone who was keeping a secret Bree's crestfallen face was really convincing, it made you feel a little bad. But that was just it, you hated being lied to or left out. "I'll see you around." You waved and headed in the opposite direction. As Leo was managing the show Chase watched your figure retreat in the distance before running over to Bree. "What did you say to her?" He accused. He always thought Adam Leo or Bree would be the first to give up their bionic secret. "Nothing. I couldn't tell her why we were acting weird so she just left." The siblings turned to look at you walking away.

Bree sighed before continuing, "This always happens, our stupid secret gets in the way of every relationship we try to build."

Chase put a hand on Bree's shoulder, "I'll go talk to her after this, I'm sure she's just confused." The two looked at each other hoping that you could forgive them.

After the whole mobile lab situation and saving the Earth from imminent doom, Chase begged Tasha to stay on the beach a little more claiming that he still needed time to do ALL the activities. Granted a few more hours he quickly stalked up and down the boardwalk and beach looking for you. Time was flying by, he had grown weary under the heat when he sat on a bench closing his eyes to catch his breath. The lingering sun on his skin was eclipsed with a cool shade. He opened his eyes and saw you staring above him with a cold lemonade in your hands. You smiled slightly and brought the cup to his lips, "You look super tired, you probably need this more than me." He grasped the cup with two hands and chugged the icey sour but sweet drink. A small bead of the drink dribbled on his chin as he ignored your piercing gaze. "Chase...why are you looking for me?" He put the cup down and stood up chest barely touching yours. "I...I want to make this right with you." He took a deep breath, the words in his head, what he wanted to say started to jumble together. Your eyes bore into his as if you could read his thoughts trying to search for the answer yourself. "I like you (y/n). More than I've ever liked someone before. And this feeling is overwhelming. You do things to me that make me do stupid stuff because...well, I don't what what to say. I'm terrified that you'll find someone better and not want to hang out with me anymore." You placed a hand on his cheek, feeling his warm skin push into your palm. "Chase I won't find someone better because you are someone better. I admire you, the way you care about your family, and your excitement about science and literature." You lifted your other hand to fully grasp his face. “You have bewitched me, body and soul.” you quoted.

He chucked, "Okay Mr.Darcy, I suppose I'm Elizabeth then?" You laughed and smiled at the thought.

"But, Chase I know there's something you and your siblings are keeping for me." Your smile disappeared as did his. "I...I can't tell you." He watched you frown at his confession. "It's not just my secret to tell, but trust me if it was important I'd let you know. But for now, can we just keep being normal?" You paused and looked into his hazel eyes that held so much sincerity. There was not a single indication of malice but rather a silent plead for you to believe him. "Fine. I'll leave it alone for now. But I expect you to tell me eventually." He grabbed your waist and pulled you into a hug spinning you around. The sound of your laughter filled the air drawing the attention of some bystanders. In the moment it felt like it was just the two of you standing there.

Although it was only your 2nd time, it felt so natural like second nature. The kiss grew more passionate like an unspoken language only the two of you knew. His hand pressed into your hips as your fingers twisted in his hair. He could feel the heat of your bare chest on his.

Chase broke off the kiss first, “Sorry but I know if we keep going I won’t be able to stop and I would really like to date you out on a real date.” You blushed and gently ran your hand down his cheek. “Okay. How about Friday after school?”

He pecked you on the lips, “Sounds like a date.” You beamed up at him before grabbing his hand, “Come on let’s enjoy the rest of today.”

Chase happily followed behind you wondering if god had truly blessed him by bringing you into his life.

Taglist: @mel-vaz

#chase davenport x y/n #chase davenport x reader #chase davenport #chase davenport x fem!reader #lab rats elite force #lab rats x reader #lab rats #lab rats chase

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gaylordscooter · 7 months ago

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logofthehebmultivese: ENTRY HELP

im writing this down tottally calmly and

yknow what im not even going to do a bit

so fresh is currently in my general vicinity and normally ink and i would get the fuck out of there immediately. GUESS WHERE INK IS??

OR SHOULD I WRITE FRESH INK? GOD THIS IS SO GREAT AND AWESOME IM GLAD IT'S HAPPIENING

so im hiding until dream senses my anguish and decides to head over.

i didnt even know he COULD infect ink on the account of NO SOUL.

then again, no one knows how he does it.

i just realized i haven't written an entry on fresh yet. the lack of info on him is exactly why.

basic gist: parasite-virus kind of deal. there's a "main" host which more often than not is what people are referring to when they say "fresh". little known fact unless you've encountered him. he's a hive-mind. and i wouldve appreciated a warning from ink instead of finding that out MYSELF

when he infects someone, they become a "lesser" host which the main host draws magic from.

now i said—

i hear him

[there's a bunch of illegible scribbles]

ok. he walked away my hiding spot's good. seems like all those times i played hide n seek with my brother paid off...

so as i was writing, i call him a parasite-virus now im no biologist (unlike most sanses i majored in psychology, and i totally got my degree, yeah) so i dont know how accurate of a term that is but it sounds right to me because he's a parasite (that resides in a main host) that spreads a virus (that infects people and allows him to control them and draw power from).

and no one knows how he infects people. i dont know if it's airborne, through touch, magic-related no one knows. the logical conclusion tends to be through close proximity but even then who knows what he does to spread the virus.

it might have something to do with those shades that all of them wear

did i mention this very dangerous thing larps as a dude from the 90's. it would be funny if it weren't for everything else. did i mention he's emitting music from the 90's right now and that's how ive been able to tell when he's near? (i can never listen to wannabe by the spice girls the same ever again)

hang on

ink seems to be wasting all his paint. i know what he's trying to do. he still has some control

his paint is more viscous than usual, it's clumping together in gross globs. i think something's in it

it's distracting fresh. i think he's trying to calm him down. failing, of course, ink doesn't listen to anyone (except well, the creators)

the virus targets the soul. ink doesn't have a soul so the next best thing is his paint

now people think when he runs out of paint he becomes a lifeless husk and

thats not. that's exactly what happens

but give him paint again he'll be back to normal, that's my job, sometimes. it's not formally my job, ink wouldn't want to depend on someone to that degree but the few times it's happened—im getting off track

there's paint everywhere and im trying my hardest to not touch any of it. there's petals in it, gross is that what fresh uses? petals or flowers?

hang on ink just slapped fresh with his scarf i need to sketch this out

im not that good at drawing. i'll ask ink to do a true artist's interpretation of this.

oh my god he knocked his glasses off. oh my god that's a huge ass flower in his sockets. that

ok it's time to go

#blue's (totally not diary) log

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bones-of-a-rabbit · 6 months ago

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status of babbit's life yeehaw

tl,dr: busy moving and a couple of other big life things that just complicate things, but well on the way to being back to normal! new fic chapters and better quality art coming soon.

tl,wr (too long, will read):

Helloooo what's up its me, Babbit. or Rabbit. or Bones. or Idiot Moron Menace Child, idk im not picky lol

i know a lot of you guys have been wondering wtf is up with my upload schedule lately and the extreme lack of even basic content and also i am extremely aware that i have not updated my fics in a few millennia and for that i am very, very sorry. this post is to answer a few questions you might have, if anyone was curious about the 'reason' instead of just the 'when.'

my family and i have had a hell of a year, y'all. like, jesus christ, i really hope things level out and calm down for a while once we're moved in to our new apartment bc god damn we are so tired. the list goes: 1. we got kicked out of the house we were renting-to-own bc we wouldn't be able to afford the new rate, so they gave us two months to find a new place to live (not long enough, it turns out) and then foreclosed to get us out. 75% of our belongings were still in the house when we had to leave. that includes all of our christmas ornaments- including the ones kept for decades, and the ones made by me and my siblings, and the fancy ones made from blown glass. 2. the first night out of the house, one of our dogs, freaked out by the strangeness of the situation, panicked and slipped her harness and ran off. that was over a year ago. we haven't seen her since. 3. my cat got very ill and became unable to eat. she passed away almost exactly a year ago. she had been 14-15, and had been my baby since i was maybe 8. 4. one of the tires on my dads car blew out. during the night, while it was parked on the curb so he could put the spare on in the morning, one of the in-tact tires was fucking stolen LMAO 5. we applied to rent at so many places and got rejected so, so many times. it costs money to apply, btw. we're talking like $200+. no, u don't get that money back. 6. i lost my job bc knowing i would have to work 8 hours at a job that stresses me out to the point of exhaustion (at a place where no one takes me seriously and would actively laugh at me when i try to express my need to step away for a minute) sometimes paralyzed me and made me sick to my stomach and made me feel unable to leave the house, and i called out one too many times. a day after my birthday, too! 7. just recently, like within the last week, my dad's car got fuckin totalled!!!!!

THE GOOD NEWS IS WE OFFICIALLY, FINALLY, AFTER A SOLID YEAR, HAVE AN APARTMENT!!!!! I'LL HAVE MY OWN ROOM AGAIN!!! THERE'S AN ENTIRE KITCHEN!!!!!!!

the 'oh god' news is we still have to move in, and replace a lot of the stuff that we just couldn't take with us when we moved out (mostly stuff like bookshelves, dining table, dressers, etc) AND get the few things we could cram into a storage center out and moved into the new place, which isn't a lot but at the same time is more than we can realistically handle on our own. and then, we have to get my mums cats (a pair of kitty sisters that we had to temporarily house with my aunt, who got tired of looking after them and let them outside to be outdoor cats a few months ago. yes, this was an extremely shitty thing to do, and we've been working hard to get them back safely) AND my gecko (who my cousin has been looking after, even tho feeding him worms freaks him out LMAO yes i plan on compensating him) moved in, as well... basically oh my god there is so much to worry about but at the same time it's nice to have to worry about it bc it means we're making progress sdkfhsjdkfhdsjfh

basically i am just so tired but so busy and also thinkin abt so much im so sorry for lack of stuff but i am so looking forward to being able to bounce back, pls stick with me, it'll be sorted out soon i think and then i'll hit y'all with some good stuff i promise!!!!!!!

anyway thank u guys i love u and appreciate u all for sticking around

#bones of a rabbit #rambles #life update #lore of a babbit #babbit lore #personal stuff #vent #rant #in case anyone was curious #long post #tldr #tw death #tw grief #tw pet death

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probably-flowers-and-cats · 2 months ago

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"hey," a whisper, "c'me 'ere."

it's warm. the voice is warm and quiet. his head isn't spinning anymore, he's able to stand steady on his own with his hands wrapped around someone, who was kind enough to notice.

"I'll take 'im with me," the voice is still calm; someone's hand presses slightly against his shoulder. he hears many voices, loud, but muffled as something is messing up with his ability to comprehend things.

it happened before and it will, probably, happen again very soon — the stress finally had caught up with him and now is trying to make the score even. it's tiring, trapping him in his own head until his body will finally response and get over the sudden urge to crumble for a moment.

or two. or for an hour and a half. when sounds are overwhelming, when people are talking, but he cannot get the meaning of it at all, when lights are too bright and any touches are seemingly harmless, though they feel like he is punctured with a hot knife.

it happened before and it will happen again.

he still has no idea what to do when these episodes are present and very troublesome. he can think of case he was investigating at the moment, and the next second — too much of a light, of people, of basically everything.

"c'me," the voice is soft. it's not piercing his eardrums, not torturing him with an urgent need to respond something coherent and fully conscious. the voice isn't forcing him to do something, it guides, leads him to... safety, he assumes. "ya hafta say that ya have this thing, too. I'd helped earlier."

he wonders the familiarity in the voice. the caring nature, the gentle approach. he processes every word that had been said.

"Kazuha had these episodes, too," the voice continues. "ya should talk to her, she has some tricks to overcome it up in her sleeve."

he closes his eyes. one step, one more. he feels hands wrapping around him in a careful move, hears a little chuckle.

"man, ya also clingy like her. I don't mind, though."

Shinichi let himself trust the voice of the person who had seen him at his lowest, at his best, at his average — and still is staying on his side, not fearing him even in the slightest, even after witnessing so many murders happened around him, being harmed and wounded, being in danger.

what a fool is he...

"rest well, I'll take care of ya," Hattori whispers.

-----

Shinichi had become my best character to project some thoughts and some things, and I literally wanna squeeze him in a hug just because he is, well, Shinichi. and dang, Hattori who always notices. and Kazuha 😭 it accidentally slipped into my mind and I decided "to be", so here it is. Kazuha, who can be overloaded by sounds, lights and etc. and Hattori also guides her back to present.

#dcmk #kudo shinichi #hattori heiji #case closed #headcanon

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carlos-in-glasses · 6 months ago

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The Notorious C-I-G

💌 🍄 📚 🏜️ 🐝 (you don’t have to answer this one if you don’t want, I already know it’s me 🤭)

Lemon...right?

💌 ⇢ how many unread emails do you have right now?

Darn you for making me look! 248!

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

Answered this one here and here but here is another: After Andrea met TK and really started opening up her heart and mind to Carlos being gay and in love with another man, she began seeking out queer art, books, shows, so she could learn more about the community her son is a part of. Carlos recommends and lends her things! I touch on this in my fic Wrestling Angels.

📚 ⇢ what’s the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?

I didn't have to say anything. He knew I was shaking.

🏜️ ⇢ what’s your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

I love it when an aspect or overall theme leads a reader to discuss something and it gets a bit more personal and chatty. Fire Island and Sweet Dreams and Flying Machines led to comments in which people shared their memories and feelings about the AIDS crisis and about 9/11 respectively. I guess it makes it seem like the fic has a bit more 'social impact' in a way. It's quite amazing when that happens.

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

Haha @lemonlyman-dotcom... right? You have been so supportive and friendly from the beginning - the beginning being pre-tumblr when you were leaving such lovely comments on my fics. When I saw you'd set up your tumblr I was so happy to be able to interact with you on here too. And now look!

And @thisbuildinghasfeelings - you were one of the first people I spoke to on here and your kindness and enthusiasm not just towards my writing is just incredible and I feel very lucky you're here.

@heartstringsduet your comment on Afterglow of a Supernova basically changed my life in that it made me instantly more confident in my writing, like it represented a turning point in how I felt about it, and you've always been in my corner. And you've made art for my fics???!!!

@goodways you have been so lovely about my fics I feel like I can never thank you enough and your comments always make me laugh and make me think. Your feedback always means the world to me.

@herefortarlos your enthusiasm for my fics, all fics and this fandom is a thing of beauty and so inspiring.

@welcometololaland you were one of the first people to ever tag me in anything and I remember it vividly because I couldn't believe it haha. Your comments are always so hilarious and make me feel like I've done something right, and without you I wouldn't have written I Was Thinking About Your Mouth, so I am forever grateful for that and for you being such a good sounding board when I complain about work!

@cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut mate, you are divine and the fact that you spend any time beta'ing my fics when they are still kinda hot messes is wild to me. Thank you as well for your kindness and generosity!

@im-overstimulated-and-im-sad you are a delight and your comments are like a balm to my soul!

@reyesstrand Also from really early on you were leaving such encouraging comments on my fics and including me in WIP tags and things and I'm so grateful and forever awestruck.

@paperstorm I always cherish in particular how incredible you were about Fire Island (and When Soulmates Swim recently!), and how you helped so much in my hour of need when the whole scary situation around Afterglow of a Supernova happened. Thank you!

There are other people too of course but I worry I'm banging on a bit too much like I'm at the Oscars and the music is going to play over me talking so I just want to wrap up by saying thank you to everyone who has read my fics and commented and left kudos - I've said it before and I'll say it again, it really does blow me away that you're giving your precious free time to my stories in that way.

#ask #cig answers #writers truth & dare ask game

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mothsolar · 1 month ago

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im fairly certain thancred loses 90% of any flirtatiousness and fun loving he had in the 5 minutes you knew him (before hes posessed) after he gets got in heavensward though

he was already depressed after arr and then he gets even more serious after hw and weighed down by minfilia's "death". they do set him up pretty well for his arc in shb, maybe not the best though, but its there. yshtola is understandable though. she gets a small amount of development in shb, aside from that shes mostly unchanged from when we first know her.

I know the post and the tags you're talking about and his depression has nothing to do with his disability, that being his lack of aether control. further explanation and more general ff14 spoilers below the cut

The nature of being able to control aether is that it is so ubiquitous in the world of ff14 that just about anything you do in the world involves manipulating aether, not just spells. Being able to overpower a creature more than three times your size? Physical augmentation via aether. Jumping from the ground to more than a story into the air? Physical augmentation via aether. The chakra monks use is just your personal aether pool. Samura midares are all from aether focused in the sheathe. Dragoon jumps are from aether controlled in their legs. Literally every tank uses aether in some way as a part of their defensive skills. Just because it doesn't use MP in gameplay doesn't mean it has nothing to do with manipulating aether in lore. His sudden inability to channel aether is initially presented as a pretty big deal as he couldn't just teleport out and was stuck naked and afraid for ages while just having that handicap. The problem is that it doesn't really change anything.

Heavensward patch content doesn't bring it up as he takes down a gobbue solo (no aether control to augment his jumps or strikes btw) or rescues Alisae (no aether control to help hide him, tho i guess it could work since it masks his presence i guess???) That depression he has? Take your pick of guilt over being possessed or grief after seeing his surrogate daughter become the voice of god and effectively die. Explore that thread more in shadowbringers.

So what about Stormblood? Do we explore that at all during that expansion? I'll be honest, I don't remember stormblood well and won't pretend to. Through looking at the wiki, not really. He takes a major backseat as he continues with the role of sneakman being in the shadows and doing sneakman things. Great and necessary role, still not exploring the fact that he cannot control aether.

Shadowbringers gives Thancred a shining spotlight on him to talk about a lot of what's going on with him. His grief about his dead daughter is basically it. Again, not a bad thread. It's a very good direction to go with his character and great to see. In terms of how this plays with his disability, he needs to use enchanted cartridges that are pre-loaded with aether to use the gunblade's explosions instead of just using his personal pool which is provided by Ryne. Now this, this is a good point. This highlights his disability and how it alters his life beyond his inability to use aetherites (which also isn't brought up because no npcs use aetherites save for that scene in endwalker). It is something that he needs an aid to make up for that any other person would be able to do regularly. Common ShB dub.

Endwalker? Yeah I dunno chief. That long distance teleport wasn't from him casting and wasn't used as or brought up as a way for people without aether control to use aetherites as far as I remember. It could've and I could just be wrong, but if they didn't that's a pretty dumb missed opportunity.

Dawntrail just has him take a backseat too so it's still not brought up at all.

In terms of gameplay, him not being able to use magic does nothing. He still has the same tank skills and needing pre-charged cartridges is fluff. Of all the skills that would come to mind that would need some bit of magical augmentation, it would be the front line taking the hits. They could've given him magitech or made him a machinist or done something more with it beyond "if ryne isnt in the party he doesn't use his spenders in shb trusts". It's such a wasted opportunity to me, especially when machinist and the skysteel manufactury is right there in HEAVENSWARD as a possible path for him to go down.

So yeah, Thancred's disability is a very interesting thing to explore as the one guy who can't use magic in the magic world where everything requires magic. It's a shame they don't because anime pretty boy doing anime flips is cool and giving him magitech anything to facilitate those flips is not I guess.

#heavensward spoilers #stormblood spoilers #endwalker spoilers #ff14 #thancred waters

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stormyoceans · 18 days ago

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idk when I'll be able to watch 10 perfect liners are the episodes going to be about each couple's stories individually? like if i'm only interested in one of the couples do i need to watch the whole thing? TT

hello, anon!!!!

im pretty sure we're gonna get a batch of 8 episodes for each pairing's story, so even if some of the characters are gonna show up in all of them, i don't think you're gonna have to watch the entire show to get closure for the couple you're interested in!!!!

just to make it less confusing, im gonna share a small part from the first episode, which is not really a spoiler considering it was in the trailer as well, but still. just to be safe, SPOILER FOR THE FIRST EPISODE OF PERFECT 10 LINERS AHEAD!!!!!!!!

basically the series starts with wine, mark's character, getting into the perfect 10 liners group. at this point both arcarm (forcebook) and yothagun (perthsanta) are already in a relationship, and as wine asks arcarm how they got together, the story goes back to show us how it happened. im pretty sure at the end of episode 8 or the start of episode 9 we're gonna be briefly back in present time just to have wine also asks how yothagun got together and open up their part of the story. after this is done, we're gonna stay in the present for good and watch faifawine's (juniormark) relationship unfold

so like. based on which pairing you are interested in, i think they could have some small moments in the other storylines too, but if, let's say, you're interested only in juniormark, then you could probably watch the first four minutes of episode 1 and then jump straight to their part

i can keep you updated if this turns out to indeed be the pattern, if you want!!!!

#..is this unnecessary long ;;;;;;;#yeah it probably is unnecessary long ;;;;;;;;#sorry for the yapping anon but hopefully this is clear enough!!!!#perfect 10 liners #p10l #p10l spoilers #i guess ;;;;;;#m: ask

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hms-no-fun · 1 year ago

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Currently struggling a lot with getting very excited about a project, writing a lot, editing that writing until it's way more polished than what I can come up with off the cuff, and then being too intimidated to add to the document anymore since the previous good writing still gives off this looming intimidation if that makes sense? The more I write the greater the fear is I'll crash the story into a ditch that reveals the premise can't work. have you had that "its not all coming together shit theres a snag thats really important that i missed" moment? I realize it's pretty inevitable for that to happen, but whenever I write myself out of a moment like that I always second guess that I'm still overlooking something important or taking the easy way out. I know it's probably just all about pushing through but I worry that by pushing im just further diluting the original spirit of the project? Sorry for the all over the place ask, hope you have a good day :3

this is always a tough situation to navigate as a writer. happens to me often, and it has taken me a very long time to come even remotely close to being able to deal with it productively. believe it or not, i actually have quite a lot to say about this, so prepare for that below the break.

first of all, no, it's absolutely NOT all about pushing through. i find "pushing through" can just as often make the problem worse. keep in mind that i can only speak to my own experience and process, so any advice i might give here should only be taken insofar as you personally find it useful.

this is a form of writer's block. there are many different types of blocks, each with their own causes and hypothetical treatments. a big part of becoming A Writer as such is learning the difference between them, and developing methods for dealing with them on a case by case basis that don't involve substance abuse. don't do cocaine. that's step one.

most of my blocks are in the vein you describe. i'll be writing a scene that feels good, until i cross a threshold somewhere and suddenly the whole thing feels dead in the water. the first thing i do when this happens is stop writing. it's hard to stop when you're on a roll, i know. life is short and it's hard enough to write even on a good day, but sometimes you can just tell that you're on the wrong track and at that point you're probably not gonna be able to write your way back on.

once stopped, i check the basics. have i eaten recently? am i hydrated? have i taken my medications? these are rarely my problem (i keep a big water bottle with me at all times and my gf makes sure i'm fed), though you never know how useful a snack break can be. most of the time if the problem isn't with the text, it's that i've been writing for too fucking long and i need to clock out. learning to clock out is SO hard. but as i've been getting into the habit these last couple months, while i generally write less per day i ultimately end up writing more over time. i can feel my brain cooking when i've been writing too long. it's a muscle like anything else. if you did a bunch of overtime shifts at a more physical job, you'd need time to recover too. your body isn't a machine, your brain isn't a computer, and living things are inconsistent. it sucks but you'll have a better time all around when you learn to work with your body instead of against it.

another question is, have i showered recently? i find showers tedious and boring. also i still have depression even though my life is a lot better than it used to be. i lived on my own for a very long time as a deeply closeted self-hating trans woman, so my hygiene habits are not always up to sniff. as much as i hate to admit it, showers help. i can't tell you how many times i've sat at a godfeels chapter or video script and just felt fucking miserable, only to come back forty minutes later from a shower, full of creative energy. i despise self-help shit. just not a fan of the culture of positive attitude wellness check stuff because you can't self examine your way out of your class position. sometimes the problem is that you're broke. sometimes life fucking sucks and you just don't have the art in you, and that's okay. there's a common misconception that if something bad happens to you, at least you can make an art to get through it. but in my experience it's actually a lot harder to make art about bad times when you're still in them. most of the time it takes months if not years of safety and recovery before you can really face it head on artistically. so like, be nice to yourself. it's not your fault that you live in a society.

but also sometimes literally you just need a shower or to eat some leftovers or to go to fucking bed. i hate it every time that is true because i want my problems to be real and philosophical and not just some dumb body thing that happens to everyone. alas, no one can escape the quotidian obligations of simple mortality.

THAT SAID! this stuff isn't usually my problem, and often i find that what's solving the problem when i do step away to eat/drink/shower isn't even the specific activity, but the act of stepping away at all. getting my mind off it for a sec. when i hit a block that doesn't feel completely insurmountable, i like to back away from my computer and pace around a bit. then i'll stare at my big whiteboard with a marker in hand and just let my mind wander. i don't even write anything half the time! but the mere act of trying to compartmentalize the problem into something brief enough for shorthand helps me spot the pain points.

one of my favorite books is Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, which despite what you might assume from its title is NOT a self-help book but instead a work of philosophy from 1974 taking the form of a travelogue. what Robert Pirsig explores in this book is what he calls the Metaphysics of Quality. basically he's trying to understand the split-second judgments we make of things we like and things we don't. i absolutely do not have time to go into the specifics, just know that his Quality refers to the abstract certainty you have when something is Good or Right or Correct or Qualitatively True. like how you pull your hand away unconsciously when you touch a hot stove, but for ideas. you just Know.

a scene that really sticks with me from that book (probably the most famous scene) is when Pirsig describes needing to fix a mechanical problem with his motorcycle only to be stopped dead in his tracks by a stripped screw keeping him from removing the engine cover. he talks about being so focused on the obvious solution to the primary complex problem that, on encountering a smaller, simpler problem that has to be dealt with first, he finds himself completely stuck, calling this "a zero of consciousness." it's a problem so annoying and minuscule and stubbornly unsolvable that you just want to hit the thing with a wrench and throw it in a river. addressing this new problem, this block, requires an adjustment in thinking. and here i'm going to quote a pretty lengthy passage, but don't worry, i'm typing it out by hand with the book in front of me so there's no time saved on my end:

Consider, for a change, that this is a moment to be not feared but cultivated. If your mind is truly, profoundly stuck, then you may be much better off than when it was loaded with ideas. The solution to the problem often at first seems unimportant or undesirable, but the state of stuckness allows it, in time, to assume its true importance. It seemed small because your previous rigid evaluation which led to the stuckness made it small. But now consider the fact that no matter how hard you try to hang on to it, this stuckness is bound to disappear. Your mind will naturally and freely move toward a solution. Unless you are a real master at staying stuck you can't prevent this. The fear of stuckness is needless because the longer you stay stuck the more you see the Quality-reality that gets you unstuck every time. What's really been getting you stuck is the running from the stuckness [. . .] Stuckness shouldn't be avoided. It's the psychic predecessor of all real understanding. An egoless acceptance of stuckness is a key to an understanding of all Quality, in mechanical work as in other endeavors. It's this understanding of Quality as revealed by stuckness which so often makes self-taught mechanics so superior to institute-trained men who have learned how to handle everything except a new situation. Normally screws are so cheap and small and simple you think of them as unimportant. But now, as your Quality awareness becomes stronger, you realize that this one, individual, particular screw is neither cheap nor small nor unimportant. Right now this screw is worth exactly the selling price of the whole motorcycle, because the motorcycle is actually valueless until you get the screw out. With this re-evaluation of the screw comes a willingness to expand your knowledge of it. [. . .] What your actual solution is is unimportant as long as it has Quality. Thoughts about the screw as combined rigidness and adhesiveness and about its special helical interlock might lead naturally to solutions of impaction and use of solvents. That is one kind of Quality track. Another track may be to go to the library and look through a catalog of mechanic's tools, in which you might come across a screw extractor that would do the job. Or to call a friend who knows something about mechanical work. Or just to drill the screw out, or just burn it out with a torch. Or you might just, as a result of your meditative attention to the screw, come up with some new way of extracting it that has never been thought of before that beats all the rest and is patentable and makes you a millionaire five years from now. There's no predicting what's on that Quality track. The solutions all are simple-- after you have arrived at them. But they're simple only when you know already what they are.

this is, in brief, my entire creative philosophy when it comes to writer's block. i share such a lengthy passage because i think it's useful to underline that we're not talking about a problem that is necessarily unique to the labor of writing. this process is a human process. it's just that with writing, the nature of the block itself is often much more difficult to identify than a stripped screw.

there's a couple things i do to try to identify what's got me stuck. a lot of times what happens is that everything in a scene felt good until it didn't, and then everything after that moment fell flat. so i'll go back and read the whole thing and just try to feel the scene. is everyone in character? is their dialogue too quippy, or too aggressive, too expository? are we in the midst of a conversation that has simply gone on way too fucking long? i know it can be torturous to reread your own stuff but idk what else to say except get used to it. especially when you're still early in the drafting phase! like if you know you're not gonna release this thing imminently, there's no reason to be precious about the stuff that's good or to beat yourself up over the stuff that's bad. i know that compulsion to try to Get Everything Right The First Time is strong, but it's completely unsustainable.

sometimes the block is that i just don't feel like writing narration. i've always sucked at grounding a scene with descriptions of the place. lately i'm trying to get away from relying solely on descriptions of staging/blocking, but it's hard for a bitch like me who mostly prefers writing dialogue. i've gotten a lot more comfortable with putting notes between dialogue exchanges like [character moves, looks at picture, has a dramatic thought, other character fiddles with object]. it can feel like cheating sometimes but it's not. there's no such thing. no one will know the route you took to get to the end. they will only see what you show them, when you decide to show it to them.

sometimes the block is in some minor or major betrayal of the story's spirit. the (Terezi) & Jade scene i talked about in this ask is a good example. i hit a point where nothing was working anymore. no one would talk to me. the light was gone. i can always tell when i made the wrong choice. it's such a particular sensation. as though i'm walking and i realize i no longer recognize the road i'm on and must've made a wrong turn somewhere. the solution to this particular block is introspection, retracing my steps, because the wrong turn isn't always obvious. maybe it's that someone in the scene is being too mean, or that i've failed to accomplish what the scene exists to do in some way, or that someone's made an uncharacteristic choice that now everyone in the scene is arguing about and it's like, man, this is taking too long, i'm not enjoying this anymore.

another example from A1 is the second half of the solo. i'd had most of the jasprose scene, the karkat-calliope-roxy scenes, and the vrisrezi-jade scenes written since i posted the A1 chorus. where i ran into trouble was that i needed to get jane, jake, and (terezi) to show up. my original plan was to have them arrive one by one, thus allowing their individual dramas a moment in the spotlight before being subsumed into the group. not a bad idea in theory but in practice it was fucking tedious. here we have a bunch of characters already immersed in the scene captured by the intrigue of Jade being enigmatic, and then some unawares jagoff wanders in and suddenly everyone has to stop what they're doing and be like "hey hello how are you what's up" and then they explain how they got there and then they ask what's up and it's such a DRAG. honestly i would say the majority of my creative blocks by volume are moments when the story really wants me to just cut to black for a smoke break and come back when somebody gets mad enough to throw a punch. i mean that's the the development of A1 in a nutshell. originally everyone was gonna start the track locked up in space-jail on the hopebringer, jade would show up all apologetic and say what she expects padua's deliberation to be, then the whole cast would see her throw a fit over a decision she knew was coming, they'd all be absolved of guilt and let free, then they'd all argue about who's staying or going with Jade in the morning, they'd split up to go pack their stuff and then...

well that was exactly the problem. i wanted to get all the pertinent things out of the way. jade's code switching, voidthought, some EWL teases. give the whole cast a chance to react to it. i thought that would be expedient, because it got the Plot out of the way and gave time to characters for Feelings. if that version of the scene had come at the end of chapter 8, it might have worked. but i realized that as soon as jade's audience was no longer captive, i had no fucking clue what to do with them anymore. we already knew who would go with jade, so acting like that's some kind of mystery is just lame. i started writing A1 from a place of desiring informational density & a quick pace, because we've got places to go and things to do. but if the real purpose of A1 is to explore why these characters choose to go with Jade, then that needed to be done with a lot more care and precision. that's when i decided to let Jade spend two days underground making the earth right again, so that she has to come to everyone individually rather than the other way around. and it muddies her motivations, if you don't mind the pun. it puts her at an appropriate remove from the others. i ultimately wound up conveying all the same information as in the original version, but i did it in a way that was more appropriate thematically and artistically. it wound up being longer road than i anticipated, but this is a long story and in this case the longer road was better for the journey.

take the chapter where Jade visits Roxy. i needed some time with Roxy alone to set the scene, since she's the first person Jade decides to visit and i like writing about the insides of trailer homes. i wanted to get some politics from Jane in this chapter, so hey, why not throw in a televised speech? oh, and then i can have some tucker carlson types remind us that Earth C is a fucking mess. i wrote all that, and it was good, but it was just Roxy watching tv. i tried to get into Jade's arrival and couldn't. so i went back and realized, oh, Roxy should be yelling at the tv the whole time! now we get Jane's politics, Roxy's reactions to those politics, as well as bits and pieces of context re: Jane's relationships with Karkat and Roxy. now when Jade arrives, we can play with the question of whether she heard the speech from outside Roxy's door, and why neither of them was physically at the speech in the first place. there's tension and imbalance in Roxy's state of mind when Jade does arrive, so we're more inside her perspective than we usually are, which in turn helps us identify with her when Jade starts infodumping about antimemes.

so often for me, working through a block is a matter of doing a better job utilizing what's available to you. going back to the A1 solo and trying to bring Jake, Jane, and (Terezi) into the scene. i finally returned to it after a couple months of being sick and dealing with life problems. i was frustrated because i'd hoped to be several tracks in to 3.2 by now, and instead i was confronted with just how much more of this thing is left and how long that might take if i couldn't pick up the pace. this thing NEEDED to get done.

and then i remembered that Jasprose is literally right there.

and that was it! problem fucking solved! i had jasprose drop all three of them into the scene completely unceremoniously using manic teleportation through a fenestrated plane, and from there the entire rest of the chapter erupted out of me in a single go. it's such an obvious solution to the problem that you as reader probably assumed it was the plan from the very beginning. but it's like Pirsig says: the solutions all are obvious-- after you've arrived at them.

then there's the problem of overwriting. i actually did i think four different versions of the opening to the A1 solo. the first person narration was a late addition. i tweaked that scene so so so many times. it kept feeling close but not quite. when i did the thing where i reread to find where the block happened, instead of actually reading the thing i just kept finding spots where i could write more. i can extend this anecdote. this line could be better. maybe a comma here would work better than an ellipsis...

this can be good because sometimes what's blocking you is that you skipped over something that needed more time. maybe some information or a dramatic emphasis that gives the stuff you can't yet write the momentum it needs to get going again. but i've gotta be real careful doing this, because i can do it forever. and then, as you describe (hey look, i'm actually talking about your specific problem now!), that hyper-polished section sets everything else up to fail by comparison.

i think the trick is knowing the difference between when a scene needs an editing pass vs when a scene just straight up isn't working. when it's not working, sometimes you do just have to throw it all out and start over. but if it's good enough that you feel like all it's missing is better dialogue and some more description, then you can hold off on that polish until the rest of the thing is done. this conundrum is most common at the beginning of a chapter or story in my experience, precisely as a result of the process i've been describing this whole time. when you hit a block and retrace your steps, you can always find things to fix. so it's sort of natural that any given chapter becomes less polished the further along you get in to it. that's why it's so important to understand the differences between all these different types of blocks, and to remind yourself that literally nothing you've written is finished until the moment you've made it public.

a big part of getting the A1 solo out the door was me swallowing my desire for perfection in every exchange and saying, no, this is good enough. it's not 100% what i want, but it's close enough that it just isn't worth the effort it would take to get there. sometimes there are scenes that are worth that effort, but they are always rarer than you think and they're never the ones you'd expect. i will freely admit that there are a lot of characters expositing their motivations in this chapter. i tried to embed as much of that in humor or drama as i could, but sometimes you just have to shrug your shoulders and walk away and hope your readers will be nice to you.

of course the funny thing is, once i finished the chapter and had all the panels sketched out and wiped my hands clean of the whole affair, janet needed two weeks to make the images. so i ended up having time to polish up a couple of those things that i felt were lacking after all. but those additions were radically small and intuitive, because i'd divorced myself from the raw production and had committed to so many directions that i *couldn't* change much. i'm so used to writing for release that i don't know what to do with myself when my part of the job is done before i can kick it out the door. i've come to find that waiting, taking breaks, walking away and coming back, do wonders for your ability to egolessly examine your work and identify what's wrong. sometimes you just need a day or two to sleep on it.

and sometimes you realize that you've really just over-written a scene, out of preciousness or insecurity or whatever else, and the result is so much bigger than everything else you want to do that it's more expedient to just scrap it. i hate when this happens, man. i did this with an early version of the A1 chorus, when Jade is stuck in space alone and shouting about how unfair her life has been. you know sometimes there's an emotion in a scene that's addictive. some bit of pathos that you just feel down to your bones, fuck me man, this is so GOOD, this is so JUICY, this shit has QUALITY. it's so good you don't want it to be finished. so you keep writing it, and writing it, and you rewrite it, and you add to it, because you really want to squeeze every drop of emotion you can from the thing. and then you wind up with a bloated melodramatic mess that's so overplayed you've annihilated everything that compelled you to write it in the first place.

i want to be clear that this isn't wasted work. nothing you ever put to the page, no matter how ultimately useless it might prove to be, is wasted work. the way i see this whole process, top to bottom, is that there's this thing. i don't know what it is, but it's there. maybe it starts with an image, or a line of dialogue, or a relationship, or a natural vista, whatever. it can be anything. what matters is it's a sign pointing you in a direction. it's something that has Quality that you can feel with such potent immediacy that you have no choice but to write it. the act of writing is something of an expedition, because the real magic of it comes when those disparate signs start colliding with one another. an image becomes a scene, a house, a world, a universe. sometimes these signs lead to dead ends, but with experience you learn to tell the dead ends from the rough patches. you learn how to make your own way. you do this by listening to what this thing is telling you. every story i've ever written has known better than me what it wants. i can impose so much onto it, i control 90% of the process at least. but that other 10% cannot, should not be quantified or controlled but simply understood. if you try to bottle the flame, you'll just end up snuffing it out.

no artist really knows why they do what they do or how they're able to pull it off. they can tell you their methods, their process, their coping mechanisms, they can write ludicrously lengthy diatribes on tumblr in response to an innocuous ask, but you can't pin down the soul of the thing. Quality is ephemeral, because it's first. it happens before you've had time to think, like putting your hand on a hot stove. you just know. and you have to trust that knowledge to carry you forward, not second guess it too much, not try to wrangle the thing into a shape it doesn't want to assume. sometimes this requires writing scenes that you don't love, because it's easier to build a messy bridge between the moments that drive you than it is to perfect every single moment out of an artificial commitment to like, Being A Good Writer or whatever.

a lot of this is just practice. you get better at communicating with your creative impulses. but also i think it helps to internalize that nobody sees the rough drafts, nobody sees the duct tape. and nobody knows the perfect vision you'll be convinced you failed to meet. nobody has ever made a perfect thing, and no one ever will. who wants to be perfect, anyway? godfeels wouldn't be what it is if i wasn't willing to let it be messy. if i'd tried to do it better, it never would have gotten done, and nothing i'm doing now would have even conceptually gotten to exist.

also, it's okay to abandon shit when it stops feeling good. i have so many unfinished books kicking around from my 20s, dude. i feel bad about some of them, but ten years not finishing books is still ten years spent writing. it's actually quite rare for good ideas to result in finished works, because good ideas are cheap and they're not all for you. but you gotta keep trying anyway because sooner or later you'll catch a spark that has real gas, and if you've done the work you'll be ready for it. it'll feel like destiny. it'll feel like magic, how matched that idea is to your skill level. but it won't be magic, it'll be skill. if you hadn't put the work in to know how to follow that intuition, it'd be just as dead an end as everything else you never finished. you do the work so that when you get lucky you can take advantage of it. so in that context, writing is quite low stakes. if it's not good enough, fuck it, try something else!

anyway i hope there's some decent insight buried in here somewhere. thanks for such a good question!

#sarahposts #writing advice #writing tips #homestuck #godfeels #zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance #robert pirsig #metaphysics #writer's block #creative block #art block

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