#'thats just as true here at the end'
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the mighty nein - critical role
this is a place where i don't feel alone.
this is a place where i feel at home.
#also with softer vibes. i offer They#every silly little brainheart found family deserves a to build a home edit#the mighty nein maybe most of all. thats my family#also the lyrics deliciously well suited to m9.#when jester pulls that. stupid tarot card for fjord. home or traveler. and there's a carnival wagon. and veth says Thats Us! . them#i just think about . the tower is their home the xhorhouse is their home the lavish chateau is their home the balleater. the mistake.#the nein heroez. veth and yezas apartment. the dome. fjord and jesters living room floor.#a bar with a silly name on rumblecusp#also like. the song has stone and dust imagery. gardens and trees.#the inherent temporality of life and love and how that holds no bearing on how greatly people can love. im losin it okay.#ive been making this edit for days straight with my computer screaming at me for trying to shove 143 episodes of cr into a 2min20sec video.#crying becuase. theyre a family do you get it. they were nine lonely people and most of them had given up on seeing their own lives#as something that might be good. something that might make the world a better place. and in the end they're heroes.#and it doesn't matter if no one else knows because They know they're heroes. and they wouldn't've believed that was true when they met.#rattling the bars of my enclosure. to be loved is to be changed#posted on twitter and want to get in the habit of posting here too bc.#general reasons but also bc . i have noticed some of the ppl liking/sharing it are also ppl who shit on my ops by vaguing about my posts#which is in general whatever but does leave a funny taste in my mouth.#critical role#the mighty nein#cr2#caleb widogast#caduceus clay#jester lavorre#fjord#veth brenatto#yasha nydoorin#beauregard lionett#mollymauk tealeaf#my posts
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updated Sleight ref!!
#i changed his colors !!#treat this as a suggestion than a solid ref. i spent like 3 hours drawing and redrawing the legs bc i couldnt get the shape right so if u#wanna draw them more planti or digi i do not mind ^_^ get silly with it!! same goes for pelt pattern do whatevr u want with it#the pelt pattern is loosely based on a snowshoe cat which was fun to play with. as u can see they kinda have a butterfly motif going on#if u squint the ear tufts kinda resemble luna moths or swallowtails with the long tail at the end of the wings#i was kinda torn about changing the costume color but it clashed too much with the new color palette so i had to change it#i didnt include the cape here so its easier to see the costume but ill draw it another time if i remember lol#its also a lil hard to see but i put pinstripes on their pants but thats optional. their design is pretty flexible anyway#god im pretty attached to this guy already. hes like semi fan character semi regular character... oc... thing#i should draw more furries. i followed some furry artists for giggles recently and its true what they say. u need furries in your life#btw while i was drawing this i was fooling around while trying to figure out his costume color and colored it as kaito kids suit for fun#and i just stared at it for a solid 5 minutes before saving a picture. maybe ill post it later#my art#myart#my oc#oc#furry art#fur#furry#laika's comet#laika's comet oc#fan character#sleight#ref sheet#oc ref sheet
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[OLD ART ALERT] A COLLECTION OF SCENES FROM THE GILLIONS CATSCRATCH ARC THAT BROUGHT ME GREAT JOY. i love fishy chips especially when its just gillion being delirious and violent and hostile
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#jrwi riptide spoilers#JUST NOTICED A MILLION MISTAKES FUUUUUUUUCK BUT WWHATEVERRRRR IF I STARE AT THIS ANYMORE IM GONNA HHUURRRLLL#SO I REALLY LIKE FISH AND CHIPS RIGHT. IVE BEEN IN LOVE W THE SHIP EVER SINCE THAT NAT 20 KISS#BUT I THINK I SHIP IT WRONG. OR LIKE. I AM CORRECT BUT EVERYONE SHIPS THEM DIFFERENTLY#THE FISH N CHIPS I SEE EVERYWHERE ELSE IS SO FLOWERY AND SWEET AND ROMANTIC. AND THATS NICE! THAT STUFFS NEAT#but gillion and chip would NEVERRRR enter anything similar to a romantic relationship. chips too damaged and gillions too uninterested#I LIKE MY FISH N CHIPS ONE SIDED AS FUCK#bc 2 gillion chip is his best friend in the whole wide world but hes also kinduvagross little man that took him a MINUTE to really warm up2#but to CHIP gillion is this powerful and gorgeous and heroic paragon of destiny and his best friend in the whole world who will#bring about the eschaton. 'i didnt believe in destiny until i met you' until i met a champion radiating with a light thatll alter the world#OHH REMEMBER THE FIRST ICE ARENA?he was so mad.still probably shaking from the ordeal.NEVER had he felt true divine radiance CLEAVE through#his SOUL like that.do you remember that moment in the forest w the bugs. an alien from the ocean; lacerating the land w lightning#when the realization flickered in chip for a moment.that the thing standing before him was more powerful than he could ever fathom#remember when grizz mentioned that the nat20 kiss was the 'best kiss chip ever experienced'. that has nothing to do w this. where was i.#LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT. BUT HEY. I THINK at the beginning chip absolutely knew that gill was smth grand n powerful n scary#when gillion revealed what exactly the prophecy was;chip got defensive and mad.sure he was sleep deprived but OOH. HES SCARED!#he believes gillion too! he believes that his destiny is to eradicate either the sea or land and that scares him!#but then he gets past it bc ultimately he trusts his bestfriend gillion so so much. he fuckin loves this dude.#he would throw himself intothe path of fire for this dude. he would boat across the ocean for this dude.he would build arenas for this dude#even if this dude will end half the world.even if this dude wields the power and the obligation to eradicate him at any second.#even if this dude is going to throw himself into harms way for his own comrades.even if this dude is just going to sacrifice himself.#one way or another one shall die for the other.these self-sacrificial bastards click so well with eachother!!#chip believes his body is best used to pave roads and gill believes his body is destined to pave prosperity.WHATEVER!!#i really love their dynamic!! they care for eachother so much!in MY heart tho. the icing on the cake here is the fantasy that chip is#just a bit more In Love w gillion than he realizes. like this powerful fish guy is HOT and PRETTY and KIND and FUNNY and LOYAL and STRONG#but gillion would never rly feel that same sort of attraction towards chip. its just not rly his thing. aroace as fuck man.#thats how it is in MY little heart atleast. and i sit here and play w my touys in my brain n i explore my silly lil one sided fish y chips.
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white queer goy will bend over fucking backwards all day trying to explain to me, a Jew, how actually the holocaust was never about Jews at the start. How it was actually rooted in queerphobia and ableism, NOT solely antisemitism. As if the nazis didn't believe that Jews carried "unfavorable traits" and were generally viewed as dirty/subhuman. As if the nazis didn't believe that queerness was an idea introduced and perpetuated by Jews that was now "infecting" the wider populous.
Like shut the fuck up u sound dumb as hell when you say that the holocaust wasn't about Jews because Your Lily White Ass is experiencing oppression for the first time
#jumblr#i fucking hate it here#talkosaurus text#antisemitism tw#im not trying to punch down im just really tired of lateral aggression directed at me by White queers for trying to stay true to history and#reminding them that jews were the end game extermination#both suffered under the oppression of the nazi regime#but there will always be more queer people we are never going away however-#jews are limited. if there werent any jews left then thats that. there isnt an ''we will always be here'' for jews because if we werent then#well we arent!#you cant separate judaism and jews from this. you cant hyperdefine this one.
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i'll come tackle the monsters
Pairing: Evan Buckley and Eddie Diaz (911)
Word Count: exactly 4.5k lol
But Buck didn't seem ready to talk. He just shifted, moving so he could drop his head to Eddie's shoulder, before nodding slightly and hiding his face on his neck.
That is also new, Buck allowing himself to seek comfort. So Eddie waits, lets his hand find Buck's hair, fingers lazily moving through it until he relaxes against him.
“I thought you were dead,” Buck mumbles into his skin, still hiding, almost as if he's hoping that if he stays like this, it can't hurt him.
“It was just a bad dream,” Eddie tries to reassure him, fingers still moving on his hair, but he shakes his head.
“No, not- not now, I mean, yes, in the dream too, but when you- I thought you were dead. You went down and you were looking at me, but then you weren't and I- I thought you were dead,” Buck explains and Eddie breathes out a soft oh once he understands what he means.
“We never talked about it, about how it was for you,” he says, carefully, because even if Buck seems to be in a more open mood, he knows how fast he can shut down.
or
Buck has a nightmare and they talk about the shooting.
read it on ao3
#911 fic#911 fanfic#buddie#buddie fanfic#writing#otp: you don't need to pretend with me#911fics#nightmare fic#shes done#go me oskaoskaosk#i did not delete it#i kinda really like the end result here#also i am giggling to myself#because i have a very bittersweet fic were eddie is pining and he's thinking about different more kinder universes#and one of the things he thinks about is leading buck to his bed after a long day#and the setup here was to perfect not to give this eddie that vision as true#just so a version of him had that#and thats like legit my least popular cause it doesn't have a happy ending#but i love it so much so i had to do it#and im commenting because no one will notice but i want it to be known lol
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MSN Culture and Sports correspondent Alistor Kirkland managed to catch a few words from Shikamaru Nara, GM and former World Champion (seen in video above) on how his Candidates tournament has been going so far.
"Thank you Shikamaru, and welcome back. And congratulations as well."
"Thanks, man."
"So I think I can speak on behalf of the chess community when I say it's a surprise to see you back so soon. There's obviously been a big change in your life recently - do you think it has affected your game this week? I think your opponents would say your middle game in most of your matches today were somewhat distracted, or confused. Do you think it was wise to return when there was so many new faces in the game now?"
Needless to say Nara was concise and blunt as ever with his responses, despite at one point being handed his three month old son.
"That's not a serious question. This Candidates is missing some players, for sure- one in particular [...] but the games were fairly decisive. And no one has given me a good fight yet. But I don't know, man [...] I think I just need more sleep. Next question?"
Find out more later on this week where we have exclusive commentary on the highlights by GM and World Champion Temari Koroleva!
Unofficial Grandmaster headcannon madness by TWNJ, inspired by my friends and some crazy cute new-dad Shikamaru pics posted by @eeveleon and original GM by @notquitejiraiya
#IM SORRY I JUST COULDNT GET IT OUT OF MY MIND#I have no idea what year this would be in#but I went with MSN cause thats where i probably would have seen news stuff on the net back in the 00s 😬🤷♀️#I ACTUALLY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT CHESS#I also know NOTHING aboit writing an interview#well thats not true#i know a little bit about chess#Shikadai and his white knight onsie ♟️🥹#Shikamaru is grumpy cause hes tired#but hes happy to be back and feels more certain and whole than ever before 🫠🥹#And of course you couldnt keep Temari away from doing some media stuff at the tournaments!#...i think ive lost my mind#hope its ok to do this 😬#dad beard#still rockin the bracelets 😎#little wee shikadai feet#I think Temari would keep her maiden name as her porofessional name? 🤔#idk#I didnt create this wonderful AU world#im just here for the ride#ive definitely lost my mind 👀♟️🤌#Grandmaster#GM#shikatema#shikadai#i dont even know if they are world champions in the end?! 🤦♀️
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breaking news failgirl cringewoman artist had to make up her own fun ghoul tattoo designs because i cant make things easy for myself ever (debilitating)
#twelve twenty seven in the morning and here i am#mcr tour ended i have to balance it#i have to balance it i gotta produce to make up for it#to make up for the content void#No gerard sightings means vera goes nuts in her Head#fun ghoul#killjoys#killjoys fanart#the true lives of the fabulous killjoys#tattoos#tattoo design#tattoo sketch#mcart#yea thats kobra on his shoulder yea i had no ideas so its just kobras face what about it
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people who characterize marcille as ‘oh that lesbian elf motivated so much by how she wants to bang her s/o’ literally don’t get it. a marcille who KNOWS shes a lesbian would be on a whole ‘nother level of “annoying about it.” insert joke about gay being a characters only trait level annoying. she still writes off her gay shit as gender envy, protectiveness, or solidarity. once she realizes , its all over. shes going to be getting into harmful intra/ter-community discourse on twitter before collapsing into a years-long disillusionment wreckage as all her online buddies either go entirely transmisogynistic or end up overcorrecting and becoming a different kinda queerscourse radical. she even takes the word ‘lesbian’ out of all her urls :-(. not because she isn’t one or its bad but bc its a painful reminder of a sense of pride that now exists only in memory. and eventually she changes it to FALINSC-💥
#these first notes were written before the massive tangent about the twitter lesbian torture tube:#this also applies if you headcanon her as bi & preferentially women-leaning#less so if still bi but not? but still there#anyways i’m a diehard lesbianmarciller but like not in a ‘oh the other interpretations suck shit’ wy#way#<- i say to myself trying to not turn into my own cartoonish self-charicature lmao#i mean straight marcille is. a choice. but even THAT isn’t. STRICTLY. Anti-canon. or anything. (why though….)#thats supposed to say ‘even’#EVEN straight marcie is a choice!#anyways my true enemies are people who hc falin as trans and marcie as cis. what the fuck. that sucks and i hate it.#if only one of them can be trans its obviously marcille do you honestly think falin would choose to be a woman and not nonbinary like her br#yknow what not even continuing that sentence it made me feel evil#just going along with the tag character limit there#‘his pronouns are they/them also you choose to be trans!!’ ass shit#reeling a bit from the debate (…. or rather my cool and good moms sad and bad retelling of it)#….the tangent about marcille get computer wasnt here originally. nor the joke about me projecting a chunk of personal shit on there#(which isn’t even really a statement to the cross-applicability -i’m more of a falin tgirl spiritually speaking - i just saw a shitton of#younger lesbians getting involved with a pretty horrendous cycle over the years so it ending up hiw MY experiences of those years went m’sel#self is fairly natural. mostly i just realized jaded 100something marcille would totally go for my url#more realistically marcie gets kicked out of her twitter sphere for having a contrapoints moment regarding her presentation and pronouns lol#i’m just saying words at this point
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its been 7 hours in the poll so far and i saw the who ppl want to win coming but i wasnt expecting the who they think will win ngl, like i was expecting it to be a little more even but nope lol
#mine.txt#lifesteal spoilers#< jic#wanted to keep my opinion to myself until the poll ended to prevent influence or whatever but realized that was stupid so here it is#personally i want zam to win but i think theyll come to a stalemate#i want zam to win causeas cute as it would be to give zam a redemption arc and esp by minute of all ppl i just dont like that idea very muc#i want his redemption arc if he ever decides to have one to be long and gruelling and full of setbacks and last for seasons#i want him to keep failing and building himself back up and all over again through the influence of multiple ppl and experiences#i dont want it to start and end all cause of one guy#and with ppl as stubborn as those two it would not surprise me if they reached a stalemate#esp since they seem to have completely incongruent mindsets regarding the nature of lifesteal#identical yet opposites those two#zam may think hes more determined than minute but i dont think thats true i think theyre a lil more even#like not to bring up kings but they both went looking for nether fortresses for hours in the first session#they both kept farming and grinding even when the odds are stacked against them#even when they lose hope they keep going anyway for that tiny sliver of a chance that Something happens#like theres a reason minute looked up to him in s3 and i think its cause he saw a lil bit of himself in zam#or at least what he could be if he set his mind to it#but honestly i dont really care who wins or loses that much#all i ask is that the season ends in an interesting way regardless of if its in peace or chaos#characterwise; plotwise; possibly even metawise#just give me something to chew on and ill be happy
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(( Asks are back open and we are starting the Christmas event! The Christmas event will basically just be them dressed up in holiday sweaters and have various Christmas decor around the house. ))
(( I will close the ask box again once it goes over 30, but I'll do my best to answer them quickly. ))
#bendy#batim#batim bendy#doodle#mun#amerrybendychristmas#<- tag for the christmas event#ive been waiting to put bendy in a christmas sweater ever since this blog first started and now my dreams are coming true#he is drinking hot chocolate :>#idk when but around christmas time i will be going away to spend christmas with my cousins so i wont be here for christmas#eh i'll make a post about it when the time comes#i've made a few changes to the blog.. okay maybe just two#the first one is how bendy's eyes work. he now moves the whole pupil and not the pie cut part#and now they are not the only toons in the world anymore! now there are lots of toons walking around. toons and regular humans#these are not ''canon'' toons but ocs because i dont want to do crossovers#thats pretty much it#oh yeah. im putting one thing from the game into the au#its small and unimportant tho so its not too interesting#a lot of whats in the game is already in the au as well as stuff that cant happen in the au#this is getting long so i'll end it here
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um. uh. hi every body. something evil and malevolent happened in my brain this month.
this is. um. a Jet Set Radio/Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Death joke AU, spawned out of a in-joke that started in a pokepasta discord. my apologies to both the pokepasta and jsr fandoms
the entire basis is the idea that Corn in Future retconned og JSR Beat as leader/founder of the GGs (is beat being leader in the og even CANON?) so Corn and Beat are the Myras. no it's not a joke funny enough to justify how many hours i sunk into drawing these. no attempt was made to change the setting, assign most of the other cast, or otherwise make this au hold up to ANY amount of scrutiny. if i tried to make this actually work somehow then i'd REALLY end up too far gone. also i keep calling myrtle!beat "Meat".
MEANWHILE, IN A BETTER UNIVERSE:,
#jet set radio#pokepasta#creepypasta#jsr#explorers of death#pokemon#crossover#gore#body horror#blood#ask to tag#long post#jsr eod#also i said ''i didnt assign almost anyone else'' but thats not entirely true.#i did assign dj professor k as wigglytuff. but i decided i needed to draw a line in the sand somewhere#and drawing dj k as eod!wigglytuff is simply too much. some mental images really DONT need to be inflicted on others#i also thought about who would be grovyle and ended up leaning towards combo#i sort of think of him as having protagonist swag about him bc of chapter 2 in teh first game.#also i have a running joke w my sibling about combo being meta-aware bc of a jp-only line he has in future#where he tells roboy he wants to save.#i swear to god i had more reasoning than this but my mind is drawing a blank rn. sad#also i guess this would imply that cube and coin would be celebi and dusknoir but theyre not even in explorers of death so RIP#i did also briefly consider clutch as grovyle bc 1. stealing things lol and 2. joke about him being future-exclusive#and grovyle is FROM DA FUTURE... but frankly clutch does not feel like he could pull off being grovyle. in my opinion.#also i guess sitting here now i suppose it wouldnt even make sense in the context of the eod au cuz everyone but the main trio is og jsr#on that note. i had no idea what to do for gum's design so i chose the most awkward route possible i guess. im sorry gum.#in general gum kinda got the short end of the stick here due to being consistently the Second-in-Command meaning she's shadow#I'M SORRY WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#well at least she's better off than yoyo. me n my sibling just automatically were like ''he's bidoof'' ''yeah he's bidoof''#also like last note. but. the jet set radio fandom is SEVERELY lacking cliche edgy over the top evil creepypasta versions of the cast
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having funnn im having fun
#yaz starting this breakdown by going 'and i think im angry'#actualy i mightve edited that out i think she just says 'i hate him sometimes' now ghjfkghjg#cant have your characters say what they meannnnnnn#this is already very direct#but you gotta let them yell sometimes#especially yaz#the doctor opening this scene calling her co-pilot and telling her not to jump out of the tardis#yaz ending this scene by telling her to jump out of the tardis gfhjkghgj#'i love you dont kill yourself' -> 'i dont believe you and actually you know what. do kill yourself'#dhfkjhfgjh <3 girlies#15 in the background like fUCK#hey wait im having a language realisation here#You Who Calls The Shots. the verb agrees with........'it'. right? yeah. you is the.......i have no idea. but not the subject#fun bc i dont even notice these things..............anymore#but in french it's like 'c'est moi qui ai' and im like heyo wtf are you doing 'ai'?? fghkghj#anyway 'if im not who i thought i was'#i dont think yaz ever really bought into........like the flat team structure. bc i think she always felt that her position wasnt equal#or she wouldnt have been so angry abt it in halloween#so i dont think thats a crisis necessarily in terms of identity or position#but i do lately have her ask 'what am i' a lot to the doctor in different words#not from a place of 'i thought i was your equal and now i realise im not'#but more 'i knew i wasnt your equal but jesus am i even WORTH anything to you?'#she knew she was human vs the doctor's superhuman or supernatural a little#but now it feels like. or she feels like. maybe theres a relegation from person to.........toy :/#she knew she wasnt equal but she didnt feel replaceable necessarily#i think now she feels replaceable#not just not a friend in the doctor's eyes. but not a person in the doctor's eyes#and idk maybe thats true#idk how the doctor really thinks abt humans. i think it'd be hard for me to keep thinking of people as people when...youve known so many#maybe they become Friends instead of people
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Siri how do i stop the cycle without doing these bitchass tiny steps
#lamenting because i was so close to being normal and then i fucking lost it and gained nearly 100 lbs#and i cant get back to where i was i just ...... aaaaaaaaaaaaa#im so much more mentally fucked now so its harder#but thats all excuses right?#and then theres me being like am i even saying that bc i know its what people want to hear#or do i actually believe it? and is there even a difference if i know its true but i dont believe it?#does it even fucking matter just stop shoveling garbage in your mouth ffs#is the real answer here but I AM STRUGGLING#im looking into wls but i know if i dont get my emotional and bored eating under control that shit WILL NOT BE GOOD FOR ME#hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng#im just mad bc i have to fucking grocery shop#which always leads me to being pissed about this fuckass cycle#bitch call me mauville town the way i have cycles#god i can recognize the cycle which all tthe therapists will be like good on you!! :D and im like great. how do i break it#and then theyll say ten thousand small steps BITCH IM DYING I NEED DRASTIC CHANGE#BUT THEN IT WONT STICK AND ILL REVERT BACK TO WHERE I AM#but i did it drastically the first time and it wouldve stuck if i hadnt fucking lost it and ended up in the ward#im not a small steps kind of guy i need to wake up and fix shit and stick to it#but listen to me i am dean maniacally speaking to sam.gif#i buy all these stupid ass healthy foods and i have all these good ideas and reciepes and im legit pumped#and then i fuck it up and order food thats awful for me and then i give the hell up#which is an easy problem to fix. i know.#i can simply just....... not do that#but i swear i am struggling which pisses me off so bad#like you wouldnt struggle if youd quit being a stupidass and just did the damn thing#god i am not gonna do well on my psych evaulation#im gonna end up turning it into therapy and im gonna rage and the lady is gonna be like :D................. you need ten more visits#and youre getting denied at the end of them so get fucked#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#charlie am i losing my GODDAMN MIND? IF ITS GONE WHERE WILL I FIND.. IT?
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i do really love how your choices from other da games affect inquisition so much because it turned my warden and alistair’s love story into a horrible tragedy against my will
#alistair didnt want to be king so i made sure he stayed a warden like he wanted > i let him kill loghain > i wanted us both to live#so we could be together so we went through with morrigans ritual and both live > alistair is the warden friend of hawkes > the sacrifice is#between hawke and alistair which to me is an impossible choice that took me like. a good amount of time to decide and i eventually decided#to sacrifice alistair because i spent all of da2 with hawke and shaping him and i didnt want to lose him. so my warden lost alistair instead#and its soooo tragic bc i was abt to ask him about her and he talked abt her w so much love#*able not abt#and you can get a letter from the hero of fereldan and she says to take care of him and shes not going through all this just to lose him to#the inquisition. and its down to me to decide and i make her worst nightmare come true by having him stay behind#when talking abt my warden alistair had a line that was like when im done here we’ll be together forever this time and looking back it makes#me sooooo sick and sad bc they went through w morrigans ritual so they could both live and be together but one of them ends up dying young#anyway. the only comfort i get from that is that instead of the year they wouldve gotten if they didnt go through with morrigans ritual#they got ten so at least they had some time but i wish they had more but i couldnt bring myself to sacrifice hawke bc that felt too personal#and i didnt want to do it in front of varric bc he was in my party and i didnt want him to lose him in general and i couldnt leave anders#alone bc thats my baby and i went through so much to keep him safe and i will continue to do that#anyway its just so interesting how everything plays out depending on how you choose to play the other games#like im doing a full replay and im specifically making alistair king so he survives#and my warden is a human noble so theyll be married#r.txt
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🍄🟫
#bc like.... :(((#when i 'confessed my feelings' (ew cringe 🤢🤮) the response wasnt a rejection#nor did i get to know anything abt his feelings. and it mostly just sounded like#it was bad timing not .. anything else which i dont know was the case bc .. no communication :((((#and then im like waiting and unable to bring it up bc then it's only met with more withdrawing (dont know words i dont care anymore)#so i was scared to mention anything.... but since i thought abt what he had said before and what i had said (ily i wanna work it out)#i genuinely thought i was just being patient. not that i was being played a fool 💀#so.. yeah thats why it hurts even more bc like now suddenly.. not even in a private convo bc i dont deserve that mercy or respect apparentl#i was slapped in the face out of nowhere with the fact that no i was not waiting i was being discarded#and all i dreamed of and thought and wanted and missed#was just all me. i was over here wanting to do everything and anything to make it real#all the while i wasnt even being thought of or was important or mattered#bc for me that was everything i've wanted and i genuinely understand why no one would ever want me i genuinely truly understand#but it wasnt just me like making up shit bc i went off of words and interactions etc etc#and like those two months were everything to me and i think abt it all the time and i miss it#but that was only important to me#and that is so so so fucking humiliating#to be told and not only think that it wasnt just me#but then ... like i dont know bc everyone tells u that you're just paranoid bc of your disorders#but its actually true. i cant trust anyone. u cant believe words. u cant believe anything anyone says#bc they can tell u you're like 'the only one -------' (i dont have to say everything but like that sentiment)#and then it's not actually true..... why does life suck so bad like#????? wtf im really not eqquiped for this world#bc im honest and genuine and earnest and i want to talk and communicate and try to understand and try to work things out#but nobody else does.. and this one is on me but it was also based on words said and not my imagination#i really thought this was different.... that he wasnt like this but yeah.......#is it that fkn weird that i never ever believe when anyone says they care abt me? bc nobody does and everyone ends up hurting me :p
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My ass was trying so hard not to jump up and down with glee playing yttd with my sister and getting to the shin reveal I was like MY GUY MY FUNNY LAD MY SILLY RABBIT
#the klock keeps ticking#yttd#its like i cant get ahead of myself when talking about him cuz theres still a lot not revealed by the end of ch2 but STILLLL#i was keeping my opinions on characters pretty neutral this whole playthrough though my bias towards gin and kai was very apparent lol#and i did start screaming in agony reliving my worst nightmare joe dying#i dont think my sister was nearly as torn up about it as i was though like god ill still never get over it#the first time i played i actually gross sobbed like maybe i was just sleep deprived but i was inconsolable literally never cried that hard#but yeah we did the second main game today and i was like#‘not trying to persuade your vote but heres one million reasons why we should let shin live ahaha’#i dont think she was very happy with her vote aldnks#but yeah i really am gonna be sooo annoying next time we play im literally gonna bring pages of shin analysis with me that i can gush about#it is an interesting thing this character cuz to me like everything about him is so clear like even from the beginning i just didnt buy#the idea that he was genuinely an asshole i knew there had to have been something more going on#and idk if ive made it clear guys…but hes exactly like me guys hes just like me fr#his story hits so hard it feels like my own self insert which is weird cuz obviously thats not true#but like i feel like its either you get it or you dont and if you dont understand exactly what this character feels cuz you feel it yourself#i feel like so much of him just wont make any sense to you#maybe im just being pretentious idk but like if you cant relate to his abuse and just#very blatant bpd then I feel like youll just judge him on how good or badof a person he is#like it just doesnt feel like itd hit in the same way like when i see this character talking about being hopeless and the way his trauma#makes him act irrationally like god it just clicks so hard it makes so much sense and i can physically feel it through the screen#I MAY BE FERAL ABOUT THIS CHARACTER TO AN ABSURD DEGREE SHHH#basically what im getting at is i feel if i dont over explain everything about this character to other people i fear they just Wont Get It#and that they will be judgmental which idk i guess makes me defensive#anyway yeah i just enjoy getting to re experience the spiral this guy has given me and i will be thinking about it a lot tonight
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