#'leave him alone it was a very meaningful relationship that was a very important growth experience'

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

.

[doctorofmagic]

Final thoughts on a lovely journey

*deep inhale*

Please, come inside and sit with me for a moment while we discuss this final issue.

In all my years as a Stephen stan, I’ve never felt this happy to see HIM happy, cared for, surrounded by such meaningful and deep love. I had many beautiful moments so far *coughcough hellfire gala/savage avengers* but this one means the world to me, mostly because he’s reunited with the love of his life.

Love has always been the fundamental force that drives his very existence. He has never healed from the guilt and sadness for watching Clea leave. He couldn’t forgive himself and fell into self-destructive behavior, which later worsened and culminated in depression in the shape of Mr. Misery.

Stephen hasn’t been happy in a VERY long time by our standards of time. It was never clear that he and Clea were in good terms after Sorcerer Supreme by the end of the 90′s and Defenders v2/The Order, but he did go through A LOT ever since she left to lead the rebel army. After the conclusion of Sorcerer Supreme, he made a few cameos here and there until he was adopted by Bendis in New Avengers v1 and v2. He was loved by his teammates but he also made tons of mistakes due to his actions in the Illuminati. He could never forgive himself after what he did to the Hulk, and abusing dark magic only made him feel even more miserable, turning his back to Wong and Linda and embracing once and for all his self-destructive instincts in order to atone for his sins and mistakes.

Hickman’s New Avengers and Secret Wars were no different. They were a downhill towards his own perdition and posterior tragic death by the hands of one flawed man he loved to a fault.

And then v4 happened, the lowest Stephen has ever faced. Alone, fighting himself to preserve a friendship and struggling with his own flaws: his need to be in control, his insecurity, his white and half lies. He was NOT in a good place.

V5 was an exception because, well, not a good portrayal, let alone when it comes to continuity, although he did severe his relationship with Clea.

And then Jed had all the diligence to fix pretty much 30 years of pain, loneliness and Stephen’s inaptitude to be open about his feelings. In fact, Jed is more than willing to work hard and deep into Clea and Stephen’s marriage, and that’s the most important part of this last issue in my opinion.

Because, you see, it’s not the first time they merged and became one. There was one time when Dormammu and Umar forced them and it was pretty much a nightmare. But aside from that, it has always been consented by bonding their souls (with tons of implied sexual semantics, of course). Still, the point is, they deal with magic. I always mention that the magic community is deeper than any other bond in the Marvel universe, mostly because they tap into the spirit and essence of things. So love here... Sure, it’s demanding and takes lots of work, conversation, understanding, patience. On the other hand, when it comes to magic... It’s hard to explain but it’s pretty much how I personally feel about love. It goes beyond the limitations of the physical instance. It connects you to other person in such overwhelming levels of intimacy and trust. It’s not something that should be taken lightly because it goes DEEP.

And that’s precisely what Clea and Stephen’s relationship is all about. Jed, Ferreira, Poggi, Tartaglia, Petit and Garbett did a wonderful job in portraying the depth of this feeling. And it’s just so amazingly done that even when they merge in the being called Strange, they're not 100% on the same page. And this is literally what a deep and meaningful relationship represents. You’re not one with your S/O. You’re your own person. Your relationship creates a strong bond, but you and your partner(s) will disagree on many issues. You will have to find the balance between your needs and the sacrifices you’ll do along the way. Then again, it’s not just about romance. It’s a never-ending mutual journey of growth.

In short? Stephen and Clea are one, but also different in their own uniqueness. And they’ll have tons of work ahead to find said balance. Which is amazing because you don’t see this kind of approach in comic books very often. It’s mature and it reflects how far they’ve come together.

Strange actually reminds me of Garnet and Rupphire, and all the lessons we learned by watching their journey. Steven says Garnet makes it look so easy, to be in a stable relationship. But only Ruby and Sapphire know the ups and downs of their shared lives. And the struggles can only be overcome through kindness, acceptance, conversation, trust, and so many other details that come along with love.

It’s not supposed to be easy, but it IS rewarding. It IS special. It’s fuel to the soul and dew to the world.

Those were humble words to show my gratitude. It’s not just a reunion, but it’s healthy, mature and deeply meaningful. And it really means the world to me that Stephen is happy. It really does. So thank you. A thousand times thank you.

FIN

[lovecolibri]

Okay I love Bobby, and I love that he was giving advice based on what he sees Buck doing. HOWEVER. We have seen only 2 previous long-term relationships for Buck before this current one, and Buck initiated BOTH of them.

He didn't just "find" himself in this relationship with Abby, he enjoyed talking with her and he wanted more even when she wasn't sure someone hot young thing like him would. And yeah, he didn't talk to her a lot about what he was feeling but that's because it was always more about him doing for her, than her doing for him and I think SHE knew that, but Buck didn't. And since eing in unequal relationships where he tried SO HARD and got very little back was the norm for him, he didn't realize that's not how it's supposed to be.

With Ali, Buck made it clear he was ready to move on from Abby and into a meaningful relationship, not going back to his previous hook-up days. HE reaches out to Ali. He doesn't "find" himself in a relationship with her either, he went in knowing that's what he wanted. And we don't see enough of their relationship to determine if they talked much, but she doesn't just leave, she says she's not sure if that life is what she wants and then it's implied that they talk about it and determine that the paths they want to take in life aren't the same. Buck is sad about being alone especially with everything else going on, but he's not devastated like he was with Abby and that's because he got closure because they talked it out.

But with this relationship? This one he did just "find" himself being in one. He made a move and was shut down, only to fall into the old pattern of being in danger and only then being given the affection he craved, but only after getting yelled at first. AND that's on top of Buck being in an absolutely vulnerable and unstable headspace with everything going on with Eddie and taking care of Chris and all the rehab and stuff that followed. And I think the show has made it pretty clear that Buck doesn't talk to his current gf about anything real because he doesn't trust her, and the one time we see him opening up a little he gets told that it's basically all in his head (he's being "needy" again). Like, no WONDER he doesn't talk to her and just accepts that it's ending!

But Buck trusts Bobby and his advice has served him well (the advice he gave about getting into the mess with Abby is something he took into his relationships with Maddie and Eddie and applied here as well), so he takes it and goes back to being Supportive Boyfriend Buck.

But. He doesn't open up. SHE does, and he goes into Mr. Fix-It mode because it feels good to do ONE THING right after the mess this year has been, but he doesn't open up about his insecurities, about where their relationship stands, about what he wants and needs out of this relationship, nothing. And why would he? The moment he starts he gets "this isn't your childhood trauma, Buck" thrown into his face.

Buck still isn't talking to his gf or being honest about his needs and it's going to be the thing that breaks them.

I just hope fans are still around to see it because shoving this down our throats while cutting firefam moments and calls and missing out on main character storylines to prop up this sham of a relationship is...not it and it makes otherwise really good episodes difficult to fully enjoy or go back and rewatch. I believe this is heading into an important growth moment for Buck, I really do, especially given how good the breakup/growth moment was for Eddie. But there was SO MUCH LESS of it being in your face. Dragging this out, having Buck take steps backwards to go chasing after someone like he said he was done doing is getting extremely difficult to watch, especially when there are other stories we could spend more screen time exploring. And the fact that we aren't getting that because apparently the reporter who is willing to throw ANYONE under the bus to further her career needs a sob story about...*checks notes* being thrown under the bus by the media, is ridiculous. Stop it. It's too little, too late, and honestly just makes her look even worse.

Let Buck finally realize he doesn't have to settle for an unequal relationship where his needs aren't being met and set himself free.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, Se3, ep 12 (Part 1)

The aftermath of the curse lifting~ Btw, the timeline is super messy. Flashbacks & background stories aren’t this anime’s best tool, it’s always felt messy when they attempt that. more on it in my side notes below. Now into the ep~

-Yuki & Machi: ( Blossoming Love!):

I love that the author attempted different direction of romantic love with yuki/machi that suits yuki’s personality! Opposite to kyo/tohru who had the (from best friends to lovers/ from roommates of 3 years to lovers). Yuki & machi’s love is based on natural crush & while she isnt his best friend, she’ll be his lover & they’ll know each other after dating. Both types of love are realistic & have their own path of dynamics, which is clear with how yuki/machi will be interacting & how kyo/tohru are now interacting since becoming official. I’m still bummed most of yuki/machi’s “noticing each other” is supposed to be off-screen, it robbed me of seeing yuki interact in a normal teenage-boy crushing on a girl which contrasts his relationship with kakeru, kyo, haru & tohru. Now, we’ll start the “ official-boyfriend yuki” stage! Also, this jump to confessions didnt help machi have any uniqueness beside being saved by yuki’s words from her trauma. watching her interact with him normally would’ve added realistic depth to her being a normal girl with unique cute quirks differently from tohru, Isuzu, kagura or even motoko!. Oh well~ moving on & focusing on the meaningful cute confession. I loved that altho there were a hug & a kiss, it didn’t have “ I love you” statement. You know they (will) love each other so dearly, but they’re in stage 1 now, she just called him by his first name for the first time! cute! I love that the emphasis is on the “ first name” calling since this is a huge key to yuki’s identity & struggle. Also, It is cute she bought a gift to tohru! This is a set-up to a healthy relationship with yuki since she isn’t jealous from a precious woman in his life that isnt related by blood.

-Moving towards the future: Kyoru’s final stage of growth!

By Kyokoy’s grave Kyo & tohru had key moment of growth & healthy closure to their core character issues::

1- Kyo’s toxic habit of running from life became a desire to run towards life!: While this habit is rightfully excused by his trauma, it needed to be addressed once his curse broke. We know he stopped running & faced his dad, confessed to tohru, accepted her love, embraced his crazy desire for her & accepted he deserved to be loved! Even ran towards tohru, chasing her! However, all the above is him running to the good current life in his grasp. He needs to run to the far away future this time! Needs to plan for the good & accept that the bad is part of it. struggling is part of life & he’ll endure it together with her, while enjoying life’s rewards.

I love that kyo is the one who suggested moving out to another city/place, cuz kyo was the one NOT living. He was long dead & trapped in the cage of his guilt & self-loath. Tohru at least was living thro helping others ( which is not real living but at least it’s better). Kyo was “ Mom, why didn’t you kill me instead of yourself?” ,“ I’ll kill yuki & then kill myself, would that please you, dad?!”, “ I cant forgive me, I dont want you to forgive me, tohru”. Walking on a road of self-destruction & slow death. But now, with tohru he wants life!!! all of it!! travel, learn, see, struggle, fail, succeed, build their own future by themselves.

I love that kyo didnt take tohru’s approval for his plans for granted. He really didnt think she’ll accept right away. He didnt even want her to dedice quickly, He was prepared for compromising to a better solution for them both. They’ll work other possibilities “ if i’m gonna live in this world, I want to do it with you”.

I love that kyo was real abt the obstacles ahead & didnt want tohru to just follow him based on love. He wanted her to decide on her own as well. He also, left the door open for her to change her mind anytime & this screams support & understanding!! Very powerful!.

2- Thoru’s toxic habit of being ashamed to desire anything for herself, living for others & wearing a happy “i’m okay” mask while concealing her true feelings became confidence, self-clarity & honesty: The tohru who was smiling while concealing grief on the beach is gone, the tohru who kyo had to coax her to “complain, be selfish” se01,ep5, to “not hide worrying over a relative’s sickness” se02, ep14 “ cry if she needs to” se3, ep6, is now telling kyo her honest opinion abt his proposal, while thinking of her own self as much as him & even objecting to his sentiment abt her mom’s words!!!!

I love that tohru is now a confident free woman making her own decisions based on self-honesty & communication with her partner. She wasn't just “okay” with it cuz he wants it while putting fake smile, No more of that. Now, she’ll say her true feelings, she asked him abt his plans, tried to see if it is a spur of the moment decision or if he really thought abt it. She also inquired where’s heading, who he talked to, what he’s planning! She is deciding for herself after hearing him! ok, this is your plan? I like it. I’m going!  Very powerful!.

I love that like how kyo was realistic abt the plan having some difficulties due to starting away by themselves, she was also realistic that it is indeed sad to part with my friends, my hometown, & my mom’s resting-place, but i’ll choose ME now. “I” want to go with you for “me”. This is not a bind I’ll follow you wherever love story, this is realistic depiction of healthy relationship. Acknowledging hardships & accepting them saves you from being crushed by failure, you’ll endure it when it eventually happens & move on, cuz God knows we DO fail & succeed! Life isnt smooth sailing~ 

I love that tohru complemented him on his plan cuz she could see that is a sign of growth. If she’s gonna share her life with this man, it is delightful to see that he is thinking of a happier, healthier & realistic future! Cuz kyo was this destroyed man~ so destroyed he was pushing her away despite loving her dearly, now, he’s asking her opinion & permission to accompany him!

I love that tohru made sure to touch upon kyo’s last scar “ my mom doesnt hate you” This is a scar that wont go away even if kyo is mentally healthy. Cuz death is the ultimate truth. He can never hear kyoko’s affirming her love for him, he’ll have to trust in it based on their earlier interaction together. Tohru is powerfully & stubbornly taking away most of his pain by affirming her acknowledge of her mom. You might disagree kyo, you might still feel a bit guilty, it might haunt you sometimes. but me? NO. Never. Mom loved you. She meant ONLY good. Hopefully my determination heals you bit by bit, & it DOES. Kyo stands bravely, confidently & happily in front of kyoko’s grave & instead of saying “ i apologize for hurting you, or tohru, I’m sorry, forgive me”.  he tells her he’ll keep their promise & protect tohru for life! he literally proposed there in front of her mom & all. T_T

-Kyoko’s Words: ( Sometimes, you don’t get to know the whole truth & that’s okay):

Can’t describe how much I love this part. This is the most painful yet important lesson in furuba. Life isn’t a movie where the entire truth is exposed to the characters or the audience. Sometimes you live & die without getting to know an important truth, hearing a much needed confirmation, or getting a loved one’s forgiveness. There are things in our life that we just can’t get back no matter how much we tried. What we do, then? die? despair? throw away what we DO have in our hands for this lost truth no matter how important it was to us? No, we do the only thing we can. Live. Not just go thro life’s motion, but really live. Accept the good & the bad. This is so goddamn easy & difficult as hell too!

-Kyo not knowing kyoko’s words at that time was tragic. It was so tragic it sent kyo into a suicidal descent into the abyss. The wounds of his mom’s death that were slowly healing with kazuma’s care got re-opened & poured blood! The old destructive habits became full force, The toxic coping habits returned with its ugliness. I can’t kill myself literally? I’ll do it figuratively. trapped, caged, destroyed, eyes shut, ears closed, only seeing his pain. Kyo is us. All of us in any moment of true crushing despair. He could never bring the dead back, hear their loving words or ask forgiveness. Thro kyo, the author is telling us... I know. You had your moment of lost truth, didn’t you? I know. IT IS OKAY. live, my child. your pain is valid, let it take its course, but afterwards live bravely.

-Kyo’s path towards healing is: the ugliest cuz it hurt tohru of all ppl, the longest cuz he was the last one to move on, the bloodiest cuz he’ll never have the ppl he lost, the rockiest cuz he failed & failed, the most frustrating cuz he repeated his mistakes over & over, He couldnt even do it alone. needed intervention & support. He lost hope. completely. But it is okay even if you fell as deep as kyo: stand up. even if you never learned the truth: let go. even if you were the last one to learn or heal: it isn’t a race. Embrace life with its good & bad & continue as kyoko said “ you fought well”

-Kyoko’s parting plea to her daughter broke my heart into pieces. Death is ugly, but death is a truth that we can’t escape. The leaving ones is hurting as much as the ones left behind, but hopefully, the leaving ones will find a happiness a kin to the ones left behind. yuki’s "say a prayer & move one, one step at a time” is all you can do.

-Kyoko was: a gangster who hurt others (ugly path), repented, married & had a daughter (fulfilling path), widowed & left her daughter while grieving (ugly path), came back, repented & tried to raise tohru well, love her enough! (fulfilling path), died & left her young high school daughter all alone (heartbreaking path) but she accepted that the last path isn’t sth she can fight, prayed, & accepted her fate~

-Kyoko~~ “ you fought well”  while you were alive~ you really did! The Tohru you left behind helped a whole clan & hopefully readers as well! you tohru is loved by an entire generation of readers & anime watchers. Tohru is so precious & I can’t stop crying~

Side Notes:

Timeline is super messy & confusing. (a) Tohru’s hospital discharge, kyoru’s hug & curse break for everybody all happened at the (late) afternoon. While curse was breaking, akito was wearing her white kimono & she cried until tohru hugged her on sunset. (b) Before tohru’s hospital shigure’s face was scar-less. we first saw the scar in the afternoon & he was wearing his kimono.

Now the flashback, Akito wearing her outfit from her talk with the maid (which also happened while kyo was talking to his dad which is on the same day) & shigure wearing suit & it’s sunset time??????? How can the sunset happen before the curse break on the afternoon? She inflected the scars on the sunset, how did he have them on the afternoon of the same day?? both changed outfits which is even weirder??? Someone help me put things on order. Or is order not important? If the sequence of events isn’t important, then, why did it have to happen on the curse break day??? Shigure could’ve had his scars a day or two before tohru’s discharge.

Also the OP started in the middle of yuki’s scene which was so odd!

No big deal, but I still feel that yuki’s curse break would’ve been thematically powerful last ep. Especially after seeing The Zodiac Ruler come & collect the spirits. The legend would've been wrapped powerfully on the same ep where it was told. We see the zodiacs’ original story & we see its closure. It would’ve made tohru/akito’s hug more symbolic. An end of an era to akito & to them all. Real Goodbye to the zodiac animals, but now we had a goodbye & a half. lol.

Is yuki the only one seeing the cursed spirit? He looked down at it? I dont remember the others looking down where an animal would be? Is yuki’s curse special? different? He got all the ropes/bonds around him? I really thought yuki’s theme is all abt desiring to be normal & despising the “special” treatment that haunted him even in school. 

Momiji/ kagura /kyo interaction is cute!

Haru/Yuki/ Isuzu interaction is cute as well. XD

Kagura, girl, you used to have best fashion, what’s up with jeans under knee length dress?! lol.

I’ll be honest. It is a lost opportunity that machi weren't made to question how teen-tohru is yuki’s mom. That would’ve solidified her as a unique stand alone character if she were to discuss it with yuki. Tohru being yuki’s mom figure is not normal, otherwise yuki’s entire dilemma of figuring out his feelings for tohru would’ve become meaningless. Having machi quickly “understand” it is a bit weird. But it helps the plot move quickly, I guess. ( it reminds me of Arisa hugging akito when she confessed stabbing kureno without questioning anything, it is weird, but you get the message that “ we aint got time for that~ gotta hop on the next plot).

I love that furuba subverted the old anime-trope of the entire happy cast staying together in one city/place & living exactly like they did in their teens except being married now! XD. It is so realistic that each character is now moving on their path of life~

Tohru wore a ring in her foreshadowing vision! SHE WORE A RING! My baby girl is a grown woman now~ T_T. I love tohru so much!~

Shigure/ akito & the last banquet is in my review part 2. I’ve been editing out any thoughts abt Shigure from my previous posts. I needed to see the whole picture first. I think can now talk abt them, I’m looking forward to the comments of the next part cuz I really really need to see if I understood it or if i’m off.

[kitkatopinions]

I know alot of people thought this volume was Weiss time to shine but her contribution has been marginal at best. Now she's in the same situation as Blake and Yang then their arcs were ended in volume 5. This means when can we expect her to be shipped with someone and be mostly useless?

The way that Weiss was benched this season and the way her seasons-long story was just glossed over is confusing and frustrating. I was really looking forward to seeing Weiss not only interacting with her family in meaningful ways, but seeing her - the Atlas born and raised girl who’s used to how everything works there - not considering things as big of a deal as the others, being something of a celebrity, coming up with solutions only an Atlas born person might know, her having a full arc with her brother Whitley, her interacting with her team more and relying on them for strength instead of being mostly a support character. Instead, Weiss’s arc with her family not only is resolved like it’s easy, and Weiss doesn’t have to grow at all to get it, but it also barely involves Weiss’s friends at all. Also was Weiss treated like a celebrity? Or recognized by the people of Atlas or Mantle? As the very public singer-celebrity daughter of Jacques Schnee? And also, Weiss has spent the past volume acting like Ruby’s sidekick, barely doing more than throwing in some quips and taking four minutes or so to talk to her brother, and then the rest of her story in volume eight is just, being an extra fighter, making the appropriate faces when the creators want us to be shocked or sad or smug. Her last thread with Whitley and Willow has been tied off in a very unsatisfying and weird way...

And oh gosh, you’re right, this sounds really familiar.

Caution, this post isn’t super kind to B//umbleby or the characterization of Blake in particular. Bees I’m sorry if this shows up in your tags, I tried my best and used filterable tags. This is all just my personal opinion.

As soon as Blake’s arc, which was tied up in the problematic White Fang/Faunus racism plot was mostly solved in volume five, the quality of her character started going down, but there was still something there for her until they killed her abuser, and then her whole character was more or less stripped away and she was left hinting at her past in awkward dialogue, doing nothing but emoting in the proper way, occasionally patting Ruby or the others on the back, and being one half of a non-developed ship. Blake has had two moments in the past two seasons that seem to even somewhat include real fleshed out character, and that’s when she decided to trust Robyn, convincing Yang to go along with it, and now showing anger because Neo ‘killed’ Yang. Both of these are framed - and taken by the fans - as ‘bees moments’ though, so it’s still all tied up in her romance.

Now we’ve had some of the same sort of thing for Weiss. Her arc was also tied up in the problematic White Fang/Faunus racism plot (considering her family’s history that Weiss was originally trying to ‘reclaim’ despite her own racism never being fully called out and addressed in a meaningful way.) Once Weiss had broken away from her abusive father and thus at least somewhat solved her arc by volume five, then her quality of character started going down in volume six, and then she had a couple moments with her family in volumes seven and eight - although again, solved in fairly unsatisfying ways. Outside of only a couple of semi significant scenes in the Atlas arc, Weiss has been regulated to emoting in the proper ways, occasionally patting Ruby or the others on the back, and being an extra fighter in the group.

It is possible that she’s going to get some kind of romance and then kind of just... Fall into the same kind of stuck position as Blake and Yang - CRWBY won’t commit to them enough to give real confirmation or make them grow their relationship in significant ways, which means that in order to get across that their is a relationship, they keep the two mostly together, have them seem to revolve around each other and care about each other more than anyone else, and diminishing the connections the other characters have with both people in order to make Blake and Yang’s connection seem clearer. To be completely fair to CRWBY, Yang has been allowed to branch out and have real and natural interactions both with villains (taking on Salem, protesting Emerald’s involvement) and teammates (arguing with Ren, talking with Jaune, acting like Ruby is her close little sister again!) This season, Yang has started to act like her own character again, but Blake hasn’t been allowed much growth. I’d say Weiss would more likely to wind up in the ‘Blake’ position than the ‘Yang’ position as far as being allowed to grow, especially because we’re already seeing her character start to kind of falter now that they’ve tied up her arc in a messy bow, and especially if she wound up with Ruby or Jaune, who I think are the most likely romantic partners for Weiss at this time. But there’s also the possibility of them starting to force a relationship between her and literally anyone else, including any of the three boys waiting in Vacuo, or Emerald, or Marrow.

As a quick note, please keep in mind that this is all speculation for fun and it really might not amount to anything. It would be kind of funny and frustrating both if CRWBY repeated how they’ve done Blake with Weiss, but it’s possible that they’re going to give Weiss a more significant arc and growth in season nine, put more focus on her relationship with Whitley and Willow once things cool down a little after all of season eight was equal parts ‘a crisis mode’ and a ‘sit around and wait for the plot to come around’ storyline. This post is kind of running on in length pretty badly, but here are a couple of ways I think Weiss could really shine next arc.

1. Have her and Yang trapped in the void together without Ruby and Blake. I’ve talked before about how Ruby’s ‘protagonist’ framing swallows up her friend group before, and how Blake and Yang’s relationship tends to swallow up one or both of them, as well as other characters having to be a bit more diminished to try and make bee moments more significant, and I think splitting up the team between Weiss and Yang, and Blake and Ruby could make Weiss grow more significantly and have her and Yang interact meaningfully again (which we haven’t gotten since season five.) In an ideal situation, I’d personally throw Jaune into the mix as well, since I’ve started to enjoy both the concept of him and Yang as friends and the concept of him and Weiss as friends. I think it’d really speak to Weiss’s character and show growth if she made the choice to go in after Yang, since Ruby is needed more in the world immediately (because of her Silver Eyes,) Penny is needed too (because of her Maiden powers) and Blake is needed at least somewhat (since she’s the one with the connections to the reformed Faunus group and Ghira and Ilia and all.) This could add a layer to angst, with Weiss proclaiming herself the least important, but also make Weiss’s character seem much more selfless, as she’s willing to risk her life and is willing to risk being alone in the Void herself even though her whole thing is loneliness, in order to save Yang. Jaune then surprising everyone by going with Weiss, and having an emotional moment where Ruby and Blake realize they have to trust Weiss and Jaune to do this and try and force themselves to still fight and work while they wait and panic and worry... That’s some good stuff! Of course, that would unfortunately bench Weiss’s relationships with her family, but I’d still be very happy with this outcome.

2. Have Weiss go on to Vacuo and not go after Yang, but be the one to rally the people, help them all to the city, deal with Theodore, etc. If Blake and Ruby went after Yang, or Blake, Ruby, and Jaune went after Yang, or just Ruby and Jaune, I think there could be some interest there. Not quite so much for the Void Team, but for the Left Behind Team. Having Weiss have to deal with being thrown into a leadership position when she’s not a leader at heart would be really interesting. Having her trying to hold it together and not let any grief, worry, or panic take her over so she can focus on her mission would be really interesting. We could have at least one member of Team RWBY facing the consequences of their actions and taking the brunt of it, while defending their choices and trying to find a place for millions of refugees. Once again, this could play into Weiss’s themes about loneliness, and Weiss could maybe even wind up resenting her team for leaving her and knowing it’s unfair and knowing they did what they had to do, but it would still create tension when they come back. And this sort of arc could also really push and flesh out her relationship and interactions with Whitley. There’s a lot that CRWBY could do with their relationship in this sort of scenario, but I would love it if Weiss’s themes of loneliness played a part in the early episodes of the volume, with her kind of secluding herself because she doesn’t have her friends and she thinks she’s alone, but then getting closer and closer to Whitley and realizing that she’s not alone, because she has her little brother who she loves. Idk, I just think it could be really good and sweet.

So... Yeah. Those are the ways I think Weiss’s character could grow and be fleshed out. Currently, I’m not happy with how she’s been, but there’s still hope for her. However, I will laugh so hard if she gets some romance and starts being one half of a pairing. XD

[jasminsssiii]

The One Who Cared The Most

This is gonna be my long ass thoughts of Rang’s character so if you’re also invested to our pyscho baby fox buckle your seatbelt, be furious and cry with me.

From the beginning I already knew that Rang would be a goner because that’s what always happen to my favorite characters ha. But man they gave him such a beautiful character growth I was still caught off guard in the end even though the death flags were everywhere. I tried my best to ignore it hoping the writer is on her right mind but no. His character was written so well it will never be easy to let him go.

Rang was left by his mother to die and abandoned by his brother for romance. He spent hundreds of years alone, missing his brother, and being a puppet. It would’ve been better if yeon just killed him on their encounter I bet that is what he also wished for deep inside. In the beginning yeon can’t figure out how he changed so much from being a kid who cannot ignore an injured puppy to someone who is okay in killing anyone. Yeon cannot figure it out because he was dismissive of his feelings all those years but I as a viewer saw that he didn’t changed at all. It’s just that his brother didn’t pay attention. It was proven by the following episodes where we saw him rescued the puppy and go all soft to soo oh (black puppy huhu). Even in the spin off episodes we were given a glimpse of how lonely he was but still cared deep inside. He didn’t get much enough love and care, but he was able to share and give it to others especially to Yuri and Soo Oh. Just like yeon said “love is passed on in an uncanny way”. He was still a kid trapped in an adult’s body who was traumatized but tried to cover it up by troubling his brother who in reality he yearns to be with the most.

It became more painful when we started to see him finally become genuinely happy. He was freed from the contract and fixed his relationship with his brother. He was able to become and act like his true self. A person who is all smiles and only looks up at his brother. But as always, it didn’t last long. He was stabbed by the person he trusts the most and his brother was fixated on saving his lover. In episode 11 when they switched we even learned that he was convinced that the reason yeon chose jiah was because she didn’t cling to her family tragedy unlike him. How I wished yeon told him that his pain was justified because he did abandon him. It felt like he only started to care for rang when he had something to do with jiah urghh I’m so mad.

Now let’s jump to the last 2 episodes. It was such a painful watch. A very painful one. He finally got his brother back, has a kid to take care of, but got caught up in a mess again due to his brother’s romance. It was so sad to see yeon asked him to be the one to kill him, what yeon did was just add more trauma to rang. He knows himself he cannot do it but due to his love for his brother he was able to. His scream and sobs were so painful to see, the way he wiped his brother’s blood in his hand was too much for me to handle. Now to the last episode, I WAS COMPLETELY DEVASTATED AND I KNOW WE ALL ARE. He suffered alone for 600 years but got only to be happy for 6 months. He finally got his newfound family who takes care of him, who makes him laugh, who he eats meals with, who he watches tv with, who he walks on night outside with, who sends him off when he goes out and welcomes him back when he goes home. He already got it all and I bet even though they tried to make us believe that he still wanted to bring yeon back but we all know that he would’ve eventually moved on with the help of his new family.

Rang’s sacrifice was so unnecessary and I will be always frustrated with the way they made him go. The writer just showed that jiah and yeon’s romance was more important than rang’s happiness with his family. He wasn’t even able to say a proper goodbye to them. A final hug would’ve been more painful but I still wanted it. All he was able to do was leave them with a smile. Just like what yeon said he must have been scared being alone T.T but I know the sight of his family coming to him comforted him at least. Kim Bum’s acting was so brilliant there he got no lines but I knew what Rang wanted to say. That he is happy that there were people who truly cared for him and will cry for him. He is relieved that he will be at ease leaving them because he knew yuri and soo oh are in good hands with shinju. That although their time was short it was one of the best he had. “In my next life I hope I’ll meet you again as my family”. He even had their picture as his wallpaper oh god made the scene 1000x sadder.

Here comes the video message scene. It took me 3 days to gather my thoughts about it but it still hurts until now. The background music that was playing just made it worse. First I just want to talk about how his phone is full of photos of yuri, soo oh, and shinju he really wanted to cherish their moments together. His message to yeon oh god I still cry about it every time I think of it and when I see posts on it. The word “Hyeong” automatically echoes inside my mind. The way he tried to play it off and be cool about it but ended up a sobbing mess. I like how he said he will not apologize for troubling his brother because he was the bigger jerk since it was true. What made it 10000x tragic was that Rang wasn’t ready to let go. He wanted to stay so much and experience the life he had always been dreaming off. He wanted to call yeon “hyeong” many times. He wanted to live so much. He didn’t want to give up at that moment (I will hate the writer forever with this). Seriously, I can’t even talk about it without crying because Rang deserves so much better. The smile he gave one last time was full of regret, sadness, fear, relief, and hope that they will meet again in his next life (someone give kim bum his oscar please). His character was used as a scapegoat to bring the leads their happy ending. I totally feel cheated by the writer on this one they almost made me believe in the first 30 mins of the last episode that they will spare him but nah.

To conclude, Lee Rang was such a beautifully written character and well executed by Kim Bum that it will stay with me for a long time. Regardless of the things he did wrong even though he was sometimes a jerk (which was justifiable) we all know that he was just yearning for his brother’s love. Rang, if only given the chance will love and care for others without reservation even if the ones, he loves the most will not return the same feeling in the same degree. His passing, though a cause of my gut wrenching sobs, was beautiful. I so wanted him to learn to embrace love again and I’m glad at least he died knowing that he did something meaningful. I’ll just take comfort to the idea that he died knowing that he was loved and that he, too, loved well.

[nimmy22]

A Mistake: Chapter 7

A man and a woman, each strapped to a surgical table and naked, screaming for help. Their cries shifted from, "God, please help. Please!" to, "It's your fault, you bitch! You wanted to come to this god-forsaken town. You did this! Why am I here? I didn't want to come here. I did nothing wrong, I swear. It was all her. She kept wanting more money. She kept stealing from everyone, even our daughter."

With a bracelet authorization approval, a door slid open with a beep, revealing two staff members in yellow biohazard suits fitted with oxygen tanks and masks. One wheeled in a metal cart covered by a sterile blue drape. The cart was positioned and locked in place near the medical tables, the blue drape lifted.

The man and woman looked at the sheer size of the needles and the vails of bright purple liquid laid out neatly across the cart. Any day, they would've stolen, cheated, and lied to have the sweet relief of a drug but not like this. The irony was unwelcome.

Their wide eyes stared unblinking, their pleading lips forming incoherent words. The nightmare refused to let them go, no matter how hard they bit their tongues, tasting metal. Reality sunk in harder than the restraints digging into their raw bruised flesh. Soon the woman became delirious before fainting while the man sported a growing wetness between his legs, dripping onto the floor of the unadorned white room. The only colors in the room were the yellow of the suits, the dark brown urine, and the Umbrella logo in the center of the floor.

One of the staff members turned to the camera in the corner of the room before speaking, "Experiment number 9932-Code X, subjects are a 43-year-old female and a 51-year-old male. Treatment with Serum X41 injected intramuscularly at the deltoid site. "

The contents of the syringes were injected into the upper arm of the two test subjects. They didn't so much as blink an eye as the male begged for his life and questioning their humanity.

"Mama... please, I'll be a good boy. Please let me out. Mama..." the 51-year-old man wailed, digging his nails into the leather restraints. They retreated as fast they entered, sealing the door behind them.

"Experiment in progress, do not enter experimentation chamber number 451 due to a biohazard element in containment." The voice of a female AI sounded through the speakers, a warning to all employees on the level.

William's eyes glowed as he watched through the reinforced glass, his thumb repeatedly pressing the ballpoint pen in his hand. He leaned forward, licking his lips as the serum began taking effect. The subjects began convulsing against the restraints, their limbs spasming as their entire genome was remodeled.

With a scream, the bones of the female cracked. Her teeth tumbled out of her bleeding gums, muscles and tendons ruptured. She burst out of the restraints and threw herself against walls, pounding with bloody fists as she screeched. The serum made work of replacing her organs and connective tissue, reforming her into something stronger, faster, and more deadly—an elegant hunter of pure carnage.

William hardly paid attention to the male whose body exploded, spraying the entire room with innards. Nothing remained to identify him as having once been human. Smelling the fresh blood, the female lapped the bloodied walls with an impressively long tongue slithering out of a mouth layered with sharpened teeth. With skinless appendages, she explored the room, climbing the walls and walking on the ceiling. It wasn't long before instinct led her to devour what remained of her husband.

"Excellent! We are making progress. This is the first subject to survive injection with Serum X41 without becoming a pile of liquefied tissue. Increasing the concertation of the base chemical allowed the body to become more receptive to the serum. I can't wait to Annette and Albert know. I'm thinking of calling this project black widow." He babbled to himself, feeling like he deserves a pat on the back. All those nights spent bent over his desk were finally paying off.

Sparing one last glance at the remains of the male, William frowned. "Looks like your mama didn't quite hear you but thank you for offering yourself to science. Your contribution is greatly appreciated." William said as he began recording the experiment's findings into a clipboard adorned with the Umbrella logo. William loved making progress in his research. It flooded his brain with dopamine better than a night of good sex or winning the lottery.

------------------------- It had been three days since the last time she had seen Wesker, but she heard his voice plenty enough, calling her for hourly updates while she was alone with Sherry in his house. He didn't personally pick her up after school. Instead, He sent a very kind elderly driver under the assumption that he was employed by her' parents' to drop her off 'home.' Both were so extremely far from reality. Thankfully, the man seemed busy playing cops and robbers. She was left alone with Sherry, and while she was in a more relaxed mood, she didn't dare go exploring the property belonging to the devil. The less she knew about him and his dealings, the looser the noose around her neck.

Her actual parents were nowhere to be found. Still, she wasn't worried. Aside from the whole situation with Wesker, these were the most peaceful days she'd seen in a long time, in fact… ever. The bruises could finally heal without the addition of new ones. Her parents most likely realized the extent of their financial situation and made a break for it. The loan sharks were not going to wait forever and will soon take more forceful actions. As much as it hurt Cara, she believed they left her behind to distract the collectors. They had done something similar years back in a town not too different from Raccoon, but at least they took her with them. It worked once, and they likely believed it will again. She decided to worry about that later, placing her problems on hold. A break was much needed.

Putting on her nicer pair of sneakers and her least washed-out pair of jeans, Cara regarded herself in the mirror and opted to leave her hair down. Wondering whether she should take the cellphone, Cara spent ten minutes arguing with herself. With a heavy sigh, she stuffed it into her back pocket, hoping to 'accidentally' smash the damn thing while sitting down extra hard. What would Wesker say? You have a big butt? Don't sit down?

Today Cara was hanging out with Rick, a mutual friend. They never hung outside school before, especially on their own, and she was a little nervous about things getting awkward. Due to Cara's 'full-time job' after school, they decided to skip a few classes and go out for a hike in the Arkley mountains. This would be her most needed change of scenery, and she may walk away with a good friend.

For Cara, the past few days have been a routine, wake up, go to school, go to Wesker's home to watch Sherry, and then come home to sleep only to do it all over again the next day. Things have been calm, and so Claire's suspicion turned off its headlights, but she often complained they couldn't hang out as much.

Cara tried inviting Claire to head out with them, but she turned the offer down, smiling from ear to ear. She hinted to Cara that Rick might have caught some feelings for her and that the courage to make a move required they be alone under the right circumstances. Guys and girls alike often confessed in the Arkley mountains. It became an omen of good luck for couples to stay together longer. Of course, that was total bullshit as many of those same couples break up soon after. However, it's nice to have hope in a relationship, something Cara never experienced. She decided that if Rick did indeed liked her that she would at least give things a try.

She was shy about Rick picking her up from the bad side of town and instead promised to meet him by the start of the Arkley trails. By the time she arrived, he was already there, standing by a pickup truck in the trail parking lot. Cara smiled, catching him in the midst of fixing his brown hair and testing the smell of his breath in a cupped hand. Why hadn't she ever noticed him? He seemed like such a pleasant guy.

When he finally noticed her standing behind him in the reflection, he spun around, almost stumbling over his feet. "T-there was something stuck in my hair, I swear," He stuttered, scratching his neck while his ears roasted tomato red.

"Whatever you say, pretty boy," Cara laughed, feeling her heart grow lighter with every minute. She had a good feeling today will be very meaningful.

The two walked along a path marked with bright orange ribbons tied to the trees. They passed dozens of signs warning hikers against straying off the path, many of which were covered with graffiti. All around them, birds chirped, and strangely, a few crows cawed as they hovered over the trees.

Walking around a growth of poison Ivy, they talked about random silly things and the distant future. Cara was glad to find herself closer to another person. Real genuine friends were a shortage in her life. She always had to be to one extending a hand, reaching out first. It was nice for a change that someone else extended their hand.

"You know, Cara, despite all the things I kept hearing about you from everyone, I knew they were wrong. They judged you without knowing shit about you."

"What…kind of stuff. And who is talking about me?" Cara's voice held a hard edge, her feet taking a pause. With furrowed brows, her eyes followed Rick as he walked ahead before noticing she stopped. This was the first time Cara heard of any rumors concerning her. She never made any enemies, keeping herself relatively unnoticed at school. Cara felt betrayed, wondering if Claire heard the rumors too, and if so, why hasn't she said anything? Why does she have to hear it from Rick?

"Oh, don't worry about it. It's nothing important. What matters is that I'm on your side." He spoke quickly, scratching the back of his neck.

"Rick, what are they saying about me," Cara walked closer to him, her eyes piercing through him.

"You'll be upset," His eyes kept avoiding Cara, settling on a hole in his shoe.

"I can take it. I just want to know what was said. Please Rick."

"Ah shit…um… they've said that someone saw you walking on Chandler street where all the…dealers and escorts hang. They said you offered to give blow jobs for five bucks to some older men behind a dumpster. That the bruising on your arm because you inject heroin, that your parents pimp you out to-"

Cara expelled a breath, her eyes misting rapidly. "No! that not true. I didn't do that. Why would anyone say something like that? I'm a fucking babysitter, ok? I'm not this, I'm not…my mom." She turned on her heel, wanting to get out of there. "I'm not like her." She repeated, clenching her fists. They didn't have the right to spin stories about her, turning her into a lunchtime gossip storyline. It wasn't fair. She was wrong. She couldn't handle it. She was always pathetic, always crying.

Rick caught up to Cara, grabbing her shoulder to spin her around to face him. "I'm so sorry Cara, I knew it was going to upset you, and I still told you about it. God, I'm so stupid." He said, wrapping his arms around Cara. She was caught by surprise and tried to push him away. Eventually, she found herself leaning against him, letting out a sigh as he stroked her hair.

"It's ok Rick, I'm glad you told me. They're just stupid rumors. I don't know why I'm over- " He kissed her open mouth midsentence, softly at first but quickly added more pressure. His hands fisted into her shirt, forcing her closer. She felt the bile rise quickly.

Cara's eyes were wide open as she tried pulling back, but he held her tightly. She tried forcefully turning her head, but his hand reached up to hold her chin in a painful vice grip, his tongue demanding entrance against her lips. She whimpered, clenching her teeth shut. Her lack of participation agitated him, and he grabbed her arm with a bruising tightness. Cara cried out in pain, and he took the opportunity to force his tongue into her mouth.

Cara wanted to shout for help, her eyes darting around the forest, encircling them. Still, they were completely alone, save for a couple of crows weeping among the trees. They seemed closer than before, sensing a meal in the making.

Allowing his tongue full entrance, Cara bit down as hard as she could on it, gagging against the metallic taste. Rick shoved her away, groaning in pain as blood spilled from the corner of his mouth.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Cara spat the blood in her mouth before shouting. Her eyes burned into him as she backed away.

"I believed in you despite everyone else. I told you I was on your side, and you hurt me. Do you know how many times I defended you? How many times I got picked on for simply standing beside you? You led me to think that you felt something, and then you hurt me." He growled, nursing his tongue in his hand.

Cara let out a pained breath, closing her eyes before turning her head away. She replayed what happened in her mind, wondering where things went wrong. She said she will give him a chance but, this was wrong, so very wrong.

"Rick, stop this. I appreciate what you did for me, but you made me uncomfortable. I did not enjoy that, I did not consent to that, but you touched me anyway."

"How much would it take you to fucking notice me? I've tried being Mr. Fucking nice for two years, Two fucking years. But you never look at me differently." Rick snarled, clenching his fists. He unleashed his rage against the nearest tree punching it repeatedly. He did not stop the assault even as his knuckles split, and the blood flowed freely, staining the bark.

"Rick, please stop before you do something you'll regret," Cara whispered softly, reaching for his bloody hand.

"I will make you want me!"

Cara barely had a second to process things before a rock made a disorienting contact with her head. She saw an assortment of colors and shapes on her way to the muddy earth.

Rolling on her stomach, she tried to push herself up, but everything was spinning, or maybe she was spinning. She rested her cheek against the mud, willing the world to stop shifting. Blood trickled down her face, and she had to blink it out of her eyes, unable to wipe it away. Her limbs felt as if weights were tied to them, giving gravity a greater pull.

Cara fought to stay awake, drifting in and out of the dark, faintly aware of being dragged by her foot through rough earth. It scratched her exposed skin, forcing the back of her shirt to ride up.

[the-trashy-phoenix]

Supernatural season 7 review (part 1)

Link to part 2:

I think this season was a lot alike the first ones, maybe because of the amount of episodes representing small hunts that have nothing to do with the big plot (as episode 4, about the Egyptian god Osiris, 5, about witches, 7, about ghosts, 12, about the Greek god Cronus, 13, about the Amazons, 14, about Sam’s fear of creepy clowns, 15, about demons and so on), or also because the plot of the season, the Winchesters fighting against the villain of the season, was quite simple. I somehow appreciate the two features, and I will later explain why, but of course at this point of the show it’s kind of unnatural not to focus on bigger storylines.

I find the “single episodes” pretty original, but I can’t help thinking they’re only meant to increase the number of episodes and create at least 20 of them per season, and that the main storyline alone would’ve requested only at most half of them to get completed. I’d understand if the show wasn’t 15 seasons long, and if the authors didn’t force all the main action to take place in the very last episodes.

Season 7 has a quite plain main plot: the villain, Dick Roman (Latins would’ve said “nomen omen”, which means something like “someone’s name’s an omen”), the leader of Leviathans, plans to conquer the world by drugging and killing people through the food produced in his factories. It is clear that Sam and Dean have to stop him. As I was saying, for someone who’s used to complex plots, this season might result a bit boring, but for me it was even relaxing not having to keep too many details in mind.

Two of the main themes of the season are introduced already in the first episode, Leviathans, which are contained in Castiel’s body and are destined to come out and spread death, and Sam’s hallucinations, which will accompany him for a long time.

I just mentioned Leviathans, new creatures that appear right from Purgatory thanks to Castiel. We’ve left him at the end of season 6 and we meet him again as an arrogant and vengeful God. I found it quite strange that Castiel had become so mean, and even the Winchesters can’t understand his behaviour. It is kind of a lesson of how power can change people, but still at some point I found it incoherent with Cas’ personality, as he has always been so humble and kind to every human, especially to Sam and Dean, and as he suddenly asks for their forgiveness.

When Leviathans take over, Cas dies. It is a very painful moment, as every time someone dies through Supernatural, but it is as if the brothers are sorrowfully getting used to losing people and have so many problems to solve at the same time they don’t have any more mental energy to devote to process grief. They always carry an unbearable burden they never have time to mindfully focus on and that makes them so frustrated they’re often almost to the point of exploding.

This time Cas’ death is the least of their problems, as Leviathans are starting to kill and eat people at a hospital, and in addition they are invincible with the Winchesters’ usual weapons, and Lucifer is trying to take over Sam’s mind. We immediately get to know that Sam’s mental wall is broken, so that Lucifer can torment and play him. It is like Sammy can’t have rest from his demonic side and can’t get rid of it: Lucifer provides him with increasing hallucinations and pain. Dean and Bobby are really worried about him, but they have no clue on how to cure Sam, as it happens most of the time when one of the brothers is “supernaturally ill”.

However, despite all the odds they’ve been and are going through, Sam and Dean finally seem to be happy and comfortable with each other, but their dynamics get complicated in the third episode, when Dean kills Amy, a monster who’s Sam’s friend and has proven trustworthy, of course without telling his brother. The brothers’ relationship is a seesaw of continuous positive and negative moments, and when one of them does something like this I really doubt they’ve been able to build a solid bond based on trust. That is their biggest problem which keeps on coming out without ever being resolved: the typical pattern is that one of them does something he doesn’t want the other to know and the lie goes on until the truth is invariably revealed leading to endless fights (until one of them is severely ill or dead). Sam, Dean, don’t you see that’s how things always go? Wouldn’t it be easier and better and healthier for your relationship to always tell the truth, even if it hurts, because hiding it and knowing it later is by far more painful and problematic? I wonder if they’ll ever understand that, considering that, as they’re approximately the two of them alone against the entire world, it is stupid to keep on lying to each other.

Meanwhile, Bobby studies a Leviathan to find a way to kill him and Sam and Dean meet Frank, a weird old friend of Bobby’s who helps them create new identities, because two Leviathans in the shape of Sam and Dean are committing crimes all over the country. Finally Bobby and the brothers find out that the monsters aren’t as invincible as they seemed to be at first, because they can be slowed down by cutting their head or by burning them with some chemicals.

The mid-turning point of the season is episode 9: the three find out about Dick Roman and his plans, which they try to stop by entering into one of his food factories, where Bobby is captured. I wasn’t worried at all about that, because the Winchesters and Bobby always go through difficult situations, and that one wasn’t surely worse than other times. That’s why Bobby’s death occurred so unexpectedly and hurt a lot more than all the others in Supernatural. An entire episode, the tenth, is devoted to the exploration of Bobby’s mind in his last moments of life, where he’s accompanied by Rufus through his happiest memories. We have an extraordinary view of Bobby’s existence, with his parents and his wife, and of course the brothers. Even in this highly pathetic moment we experience Bobby’s deep bond with his adopted children: he spends his last breath and forces to communicate a fundamental information he’s discovered to defeat Dick. This was really the solemn ending moment, as if the ultimate meaning of Bobby’s life was giving everything, his knowledge, his love and his life, to Sam and Dean, having been loyal to them since forever. As you may see, Bobby’s death really broke my heart: I thought of him as a nearly immortal character, who would have been by the brothers’ side until the end. As it was predictable, this event has massive consequences to the plot and particularly to the Winchesters (by the way, it is extremely meaningful that they seem to be much more scattered than when John died). They face their grief the only way they know, working cases and gathering information on Dick to avenge Bobby. Unfortunately, they lose another precious ally on their way: as a matter of fact Frank gets killed by Leviathans, which was sad both because he had helped a lot Dean in tracking Dick and because he was quite fun and a nice presence in the season.

As if all that trouble wasn’t enough, Sam’s visions of Lucifer become more and more frequent and painful, while Dean can’t find a way to help him. The brothers have to face everything at the same time: the fight against Dick, Bobby’s death and Sam’s mental instability, which is destroying him and Dean at the same time, as what happens to one of them affects even more painfully the other. In addition, another worry comes out: Dean finds out Castiel is alive and has lost all his memories about who he is and what he has done. Dean at first can’t really forgive him, but when Cas gets to have his memories back, he can’t resist his stubborn hate toward his “friend” and finally decides to erase God-Cas parenthesis, also because the angel is so guilty he offers himself to take over Sam’s hallucinations. It is a noble sacrifice which allows the brothers to go back to hunting Dick and establish a new degree of friendship and trust between team free will, after the painful moment of Cas’ death. I think both getting rid of Lucifer and gaining back Castiel give the brothers the hope they need to succeed in defeating Dick, after the previous single episodes of impasse.

In the ending episodes another surprise awaits Sam and Dean: Bobby, as a ghost, manages to communicate with them and makes himself visible, giving start to a weird dynamic where he still helps the brothers as he did when he was alive, but using his ghost powers. This situation leaves in the protagonists and in the viewer a sense of bitter illusion, as everyone knows it can’t end well, as Bobby’s destined to become a vengeful spirit, like any other ghost, and when the moment comes they would have to kill him again, and, doing so, renewing their pain. This kind of “second death” was quite sadistic, but still I appreciated Bobby’s comeback as it was right to give more space to such an important character and explore the afterlife from a different point of view. From the first time we profoundly feel ghosts’ frustration of being isolated from living people and we can easily put ourselves in their shoes, as they’re no more depicted merely as a cruel monster.

I think this process could be included in the new connotation of supernatural creatures that emerges from these seasons on: the absolute dichotomy good-evil which imposes that monsters can only be bad is a bit more flexible (and along with it, also the Winchesters become more and more open minded) and gives space to complex characters and personalities which can’t be defined univocally. The best example of this change of tone is Meg. I really appreciated the growth of the character from season 1, where she seems to be an ordinary demon, to seasons 6 and 7, where she’s developed as a proper round character, an outsider from both demonic and human worlds: here she keeps helping the Winchesters, presenting herself as a good ally against Dick and Crowley and at same time preserving her typical bad bitch attitude. She leaves us a striking message, volunteering to look after Castiel at the hospital while the boys are busy fighting Dick: the strict first seasons determinism is definitely gone, also demons can make decisions using their free will and change the order of things, fighting side to side with the good guys. This kind of sympathy for the brothers can be noticed also in Crowley at some point, as he helps them with the spell to defeat Leviathans, but of course there’s no doubt his only interest is to use Sam and Dean to fight a common enemy.

Moreover, season 7, marked by many painful deaths, is certainly also productive of new characters destined to become permanent for some time. Besides two appearances of Jody, one of the rare positive and strong female figures of the show, who is now occasionally helping the brothers in their hunts, and one of Becky, which gives us one of the funniest episodes of the season, where she makes Sam falling in love with her thanks to a potion and marries him, three new important characters are presented.

First of all Garth, a weird and clumsy hunter, helps Dean in episode 8 (while Sam is married to Becky): after the initial skepticism, he becomes one of their most trusted friends. I find the relationship between Garth and the boys so cute, as they kind of protect him by teaching him what they know about monsters and in return he tries very hard to be accepted in their team and to do whatever he can to help them.

At the end of the season we meet another young male character, Kevin, a normal kid who studies and has dreams about his career, but gets absorbed by the supernatural world as he is chosen as a prophet of the Lord. His skill is to be able to read some tablets containing the Word of God and fundamental knowledge about angels, demons and other creatures (thanks to one of those tablets Sam and Dean get to know how to kill Leviathans). Kevin is such a lovely guy, at first really confused, as every human would be in his situation, and as well hopeful that the nightmare he finds himself into without having a choice would end quickly. We know, as well as the Winchesters, that things like this never end and once you’re trapped in the supernatural world it is forever, and that’s why we feel pitiful and protective towards Kevin. Seen from Sam and Dean’s perspective, he’s another innocent person they have to look after and feel guilty for even if nothing about it is their fault. Kevin is one of those characters that make one doubt about the real existence of free will and self determination, especially for someone who’s devoted to high purposes in the economy of the show.

Last but not least, the end of season 7 sees the appearance of one of the undoubtedly best characters in Supernatural, Charlie. She becomes a fundamental part of the plan of defeating Dick thanks to her great computer skills, but, more importantly, she quickly becomes Sam and Dean’s friend and one of their best allies in some of their hunts. I really loved her as a character and in her interactions with the brothers, as from the very beginning they seem to see her as their little sister. She also brings into the show a small (but still great and quite unexpected) insight on the lgbt community, being overtly lesbian. I loved how Dean in particular was at ease knowing this information, and the fact that the authors seem to get more in step with the times, as the ideas of slight misogyny and toxic masculinity and heterosexuality of the first seasons can’t fit anymore in recent years. It is so interesting to see how the show grows in time through its characters and their complex psychology and personality, even if there’s still a long road ahead in terms of equality and representation.

I have the feeling that this season goes through three changes in mood, the first half (and a bit more) being quite problematic and full of sad events and the last part presenting some positive characters who guarantee hope for the finale. The last episode is a mixture of the two sides, as Dick is happily defeated, but his death has a price: Dean and Cas are sent directly to Purgatory with Leviathans. So the episode ends with our favourite couple having to deal with the third mysterious realm of afterlife (we’ve already been to both Heaven and Hell) and its dangerous monsters.

- Irene 💕

[sandraoledan]

An Opinion Piece on Vis A Vis: A Bittersweet Goodbye

The start of a new decade marked the end of our beloved series, Vis A Vis. I can feel the 'post-series depression' already; in other words, that empty feeling at the pit of your stomach once a show has ended. In fact, I feel as if it has tripled for this series specifically, because of the three different time periods explored in the five seasons and the consequently different reactions I had to each period. Let me expound.

Seasons 1-2: What won me over initially

What really won my heart over with this show was Macarena's evolution during her time in prison. Initially, she was innocent, naïve, and defenseless, often finding herself at the mercy of Cruz del Sur's many villains; such as drug-trafficking Anabel, closeted pedophile Sandoval, and of course, the ever-scheming Zulema. A common theme was her constant need to be saved or protected; this was evident in almost all of her relationships - with her parents, her brother, and love interests Rizos & Fabio. We later find out that one of the reasons why she decided to be with Rizos was because she felt alone and afraid. Her feeble attempts at survival were frustrating; you wanted her to be stronger; you wanted her to push back against her bullies and win. You wanted to see a protagonist with confidence.

Because it took her the entirety of the first season to do this, her eventual dominion of Cruz del Sur in Season 2 was intensely satisfying. She became a better survivor: through boxing, she found a cathartic outlet and used her newfound physical prowess to overcome Annabel's thugs when they came to permanently deafen her with a wire in the bathroom. She became secure - or at least, so we thought - in her evolving identity, embracing her bisexuality as she fell more in love with Rizos. She bought Bambi from Anabel to put an end to the latter's remorseless abuse, and offered love and affection to Rizos upon discovering her rape by Valbuena; for the first time, we see Macarena as the protector instead of the protected. But this show wouldn't be emotionally complex if her character's development was so perfectly absolute: she was still reliant on Fabio, confusing her desperation to escape prison with feelings for him. Her shock at his deception, however in good faith, coupled with the news of her mother's death, witnessing the cold-blooded murder of her father, and becoming a murderer herself, triggered a spiral into darkness. It was a beautifully tragic display of the destruction of her initially strong moral compass. She turned to drugs, ended her relationship with Rizos in the most heartbreaking way, and isolated herself from the other inmates. This change in Maca was something I was excited to see play out in seasons 3 and 4; I wanted to see her redemption arc. However, due to conflicts in schedule, the actress that players her, Maggie Civantos, was only able to play Maca for a mere five episodes across the two new seasons. While the actress cannot be blamed for this, her departure led to a string of creative decisions that, in my opinion, slightly compromised the quality of Seasons 3-4.

Season 3: A decline in quality...

The first criticism stems from the time jump from Cruz del Sur to Cruz del North; there were many cliffhangers left unaddressed. Specifically, they were reactions we didn't get to see, such as Sole finding out her husband, Fernando, was murdered; the inmates finding out that Saray got pregnant, and of course, more importantly, the change in Maca after she decides (at the end of Season 2) to go back to prison instead of running away as a fugitive. The absence of these scenes automatically undermined our emotional investment in the show and created a misalignment between the reaction of the viewers and the non-reaction of the characters actually living out the story. Additionally, many key characters were so dependent on the development of Maca's story, that Civantos' departure from the show necessitated an abrupt end to their storylines (i.e. her brother Roman & prison guard and love interest Fabio), which felt contrived. Even more forced was the relationship between Rizos & Inspector Nerea: similar to Roman & Fabio, Rizos' character was so dependent on Maca that it seems like the writers felt pressured to "recreate" their romance with someone new. Not only did this spectacularly fail, as her short-lived relationship with Nerea felt rushed, disingenuous and random, but it also cheapened Rizos in the sense that she became one-dimensional, only capable of pursuing relationships recklessly and nothing more. This was confirmed implicitly by the writers, as throughout the two seasons, they struggled to give Rizos anything meaningful to do and gave her the most dissatisfactory ending of all the inmates in the finale. I found this extremely disappointing because I enjoyed her character's story arc in the first two seasons. In the same vein, enter Mercedes, who replaced Maca as one of the protagonists in Season 3. Her story and eventual demise was fruitless: she was not charismatic and did not form relationships with any of the inmates, the latter point I think being a crucial mistake on the part of the writers. So while they believed they upped the ante by giving her a brutal death, honestly, I don't think anyone cared much. We simply wanted Maca back.

Season 4: ...Redeemed by our favourite villains

While Season 3 was a far cry from the quality of the first two seasons, arguably Season 4 managed to redeem them. First and foremost, was the character development of our favourite villains, Saray and Zulema. While Zulema was the perfect villain in the first two seasons, I worried that her relentless need to escape prison made her predictable. By introducing her secret daughter, Fatima, and her estranged mother, this changed Zulema's dynamic entirely: whereas we once saw a cold and calculating criminal who would do anything and kill anyone to break free, we now saw a woman jaded by the injustices and traumas of her past. We could relate to her that much more. Watching Zulema fall to her knees, begging Sandoval to stop the rape of her daughter, was one of the most powerful scenes of the entire series, because a compromising Zulema seemed so unfathomable before. The chilling murder of Fatima was matched by an inflamed Zulema, and her passion as a mother finally eclipsing her need to escape was a well-developed, well-executed arc. We have a similar situation with Saray; with the birth of her daughter, instead of her sporadic episodes of violence, she channeled her passions into her newborn. The scene where she had to say goodbye to Estrella, as well as that scene where she showed her to Zulema as a way to make amends, were so tender, and beautifully contrasted with her previous tendencies to rage at the smallest things. This was of course helped by the gentle refrain of the soundtrack playing whenever Saray and Estrella were on screen together (as a side note, the scoring of this series was consistently excellent;  the melancholic melodies foreshadowed the inevitable tragedies of the characters onscreen. Other standout examples include the melodies played during Maca and Rizos' intimate scenes, and Fatima's theme.) Additionally, the fact that it was Saray who had the courage and heart to mercy kill Sole, just emphasized the growth of her empathy and the change in her character.

One cannot mention Season 4 without bringing up the tear-jerking reunion between Rizos and Maca. Watching them stare at each other in disbelief after not seeing each other for eight months was an incredibly emotional scene. Even Civantos admitted during an interview that that scene was "the most beautiful scene in her entire career". Seeing their chemistry made me lament even more the absence of Civantos throughout the two seasons, as I would have loved to see that familiar push and pull in their relationship playing out under the different circumstances of Season 4, and particularly, a more hardened and jaded Maca. Nevertheless, this reunion scene was arguably the best that the writers could've given us as closure between the two, so I applaud them for this.

Ultimately, there were a number of dissatisfactory decisions made in Seasons 3-4, but they were still very entertaining seasons. It is important to note that the episodes were more or less twenty minutes shorter than the episodes from the first two seasons, so I can understand the limitations that placed creatively on the writers and directors on top of having to work around Civantos' departure.

Vis A Vis: El Oasis - A grave injustice

So what made Vis A Vis successful? The evolutions and relationships of the characters, both protagonist and secondary. How every character existed purposefully, with a backstory we could empathize with. The constant battle between morality and survival. El Oasis, unfortunately, failed to capitalize on its predecessor's strengths, bringing nothing new to the lives of our favourite characters. The storytelling was convoluted and often times confusing; at best, the episodes evoked feelings of dissatisfaction within the viewers. Ultimately, most fans will dismiss this spin-off as a consequence of being exposed to the deserts of El Oasis for too long: a mere hallucination.

My first criticism concerns how little actually happened over the course of the eight episodes. My reaction after every episode was the same: I'd process the story unfolding, then get shocked when the (approximately) 45 minutes would already be over. So much time would pass, and yet there was so little exposition. Each episode would leave the previous episode's questions mostly unanswered, and gave rise to even more questions. I realized quickly this was due to the unnecessary increase in supporting characters, with close to no development of backstory. For instance: how did Zulema know Ama? Ama's confrontation with Maca was so brief, and she ended up killing herself. As one of the villains, it made the build-up of her character pointless. What was the point of Flaca? She spent most of her screen time bleeding out only to be killed. You could argue it was to show that high-stakes heists inevitably have risks and collateral damage. Well, sure, but I don't think people cared much for her character because they gave us nothing to care about. Who was she to Maca but someone who occasionally chimed in on Maca's contributions to their therapy sessions? What was the point of the school bus full of kids visiting El Oasis if they were all just going to be let go so easily by Ramala's henchmen? You could argue it was to reveal Goya's past with bullying, when she intervened and beat up Eric's bullies; or it could be because Vivi needed to meet someone that felt isolated like her, to give her character more dimension. Either way, both reasons feel contrived. If something cannot be justified naturally, then it feels forced. Cepo, Goya and Triana were all interesting supporting characters, so it felt like such a waste that their characters weren't given anything interesting to do.

What also elicited questions was the very disjointed narrative: there was a constant jumping of timelines mixed in with flashbacks, so nobody ever really knew when anything was happening. Doing that without properly developing the events actually occuring at that present time had the dual effect of leaving the audience confused and made us feel emotionally detached from the plot and the characters. Most significantly: how did Maca and Zulema go from taking cute polaroids together and Zulema calling Maca her home, to them wanting to turn on each other? Instead of expounding on important plot points like these, the audience was given fillers with non-essential characters. What is the point of making a spin-off dedicated to the relationship between Zulema and Maca if their story was going to remain underdeveloped? Additionally, a fan online calculated that they only got 30 minutes out of over 360 potential minutes screen time together; that is only 8%. It is no surprise the fans were extremely disappointed.

Moreover, underdevelopment came in the form of stasis, or a state of inactivity. A majority of the season saw the protagonists waiting around the hotel, which was honestly boring. For instance, we saw a number of episodes where Goya and Triana were essentially just watchdogs over Kati, and nothing more. This was worsened by the use of dialogue. In earlier seasons of Vis A Vis, dialogue was one of the main drivers of the plot; in El Oasis, not unlike the supporting character fillers, not much what said, and when things were said, they didn't add much to the story (save for a few exceptions). It made the actors' acting seem flat, which is unfair to the actors as we saw their moments of brilliance in the earlier seasons. Additionally, a stylistic choice that pervaded El Oasis was the drawn out moments of every scene; for instance, when Zulema looked over Ama's dead body in the desert - that was given a whole five minutes of screentime. All these points hammer home the idea that while things were happening, they were 1) things that did not do much to drive a compelling plot and 2) were things the audience did not care about. It is clear the writers were trying to be different from the original series, and also tried to do too much. As the saying goes, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Arguably, they failed on both accounts.

Finally, the finale itself warrants its own paragraph of criticism. The most glaring flaw was the way Zulema's death was executed. In the promotional videos leading up to this finale, we hear Zulema say to Maca: "igual en la vida, igual en la muerte" i.e. equal in life, and equal in death. This was an idea initially introduced by Altagracia in Season 3. Thus, Zulema dying while Maca got to live was not consistent with what they were teasing in their marketing materials. Still, one could argue that Zulema had to die because she had terminal cancer anyway, and this would be her epic redemption arc. To which I would I concede that yes, this finale could have been satisfactory and logical even with Zulema's death. However, the manner of her death was inconsistent with her character. Throughout the series, we are made to associate Zulema with a scorpion; as a "bad bug that never dies." Zulema had an intrinsic need to survive, no matter the cost. So even if she ended up dying, there was no way that Zulema wouldn't have plotted to at least attempt to survive, whether that be a scheme involving a fake death or even in her actual death scene itself where we saw her putting her guns down in submission to Ramala's henchmen. In the same vein, it did not make sense that, upon realizing Zulema was sacrificing herself for Maca and her unborn baby, that Maca replied with a simple "Gracias" and ran away. There should have been one of two options: a scuffle with Zulema, wherein she refuses to leave her there alone to die. Or two, a scene where she is speaking to her son about Zulema's legacy. The absence of these key scenes disrespects and almost overtly disregards the very complicated and rich relationship the two had together, as if all they had been through meant nothing.

Overall, the spin-off unfortunately did not do justice to the story, the characters (both lead and supporting), the actors and the fans, the latter insisting on alternate endings to get closure on a story we have been following for five years. It is true that when many shows end, it is not possible to please everyone. However, I believe that the majority of the negative reviews of this spin-off could have been avoided.

In conclusion...

Ultimately, the hollowness in my chest is bittersweet: on one hand, it is telling of how emotionally invested I became in the show and its moments of brilliance, and on the other, it speaks to the disappointment I felt with the spin-off, because I had such high expectations. Regardless of the ending, however, this show will stay with me forever. I have loved experiencing romances, struggles and adversities with these characters. I have enjoyed watching the evolution of our protagonists, whether it be through redemption or a gradual descent into darkness. This is a show I will recommend to anyone, over and over. #MareaAmarilla

[seyaryminamoto]

Been thinking for a while that I’d like to do a light behind-the-scenes glimpse into one of the themes in the newest Gladiator story arc. While it’s not the very core element of the arc, the source of Azula’s current struggle in the story came from... an unexpected place.

Unexpected as in, it came from LOK.

Okay, in all fairness, it’s not quiiiiiiiite something that came from LOK itself, but it’s a take on an idea I had while pondering the various reasons why Asami’s character wouldn’t really take off for me in the show. Well, beyond the obvious reasons why it wouldn’t *cough* Book 2 *cough*... 

I’ve always said I’m more than a little confused by how a character like Asami, with just 20-something years of age at the time of LOK Book 4, has enough talent and know-how to not only be a top-of-the-line engineer (which, yes, is believable enough on its own), but to also be a CEO in her own company (I gueeeess since the company falls into her hands and she mismanages it plenty in Book 2, it’s not that impossible to feature this in conjunction with the first thing?), a clothing designer, an architect AND a urbanist, capable of driving every machine known to man, an outstanding hand-to-hand fighter...!

... If you really think about it in cold blood, it feels like a little too much.

BUT. Instead of boringly accusing Asami of being a Mary Sue (which I’m sure some people might) for having a thousand talents that we don’t really see her work for, that she just developed offscreen, I thought the show would have benefited greatly from actually focusing on how Asami is handling the constant, desperate need of so many authorities in Republic City to have HER resolving all their problems.

Therefore, instead of a Reunion episode with a conflict focused on rescuing a kidnapped Wu (whom I profoundly dislike as a character, not for his role, but his personality is simply barf-worthy for me and the amount of focus Book 4 gave him was, as a lot of things, detrimental to the show as a whole, in my opinion), I thought LOK’s Book 4 could have instead featured a Reunion episode focused on Asami... which, of course, would also be a nice way to fix some of the lackluster onscreen development of Korrasami. So... let’s go onwards with my episode pitch:

Picture that Korra is about to reunite with Mako and Asami for the first time in all those years, same as in canon. Asami arrives! Yay, Korra is happy, Asami compliments her hair, just like in canon... aaaand then Asami says she can’t really stay, she just dropped by quickly because this REALLY matters to her, but there’s this pressing issue going on at the company and she has to deal with it RIGHT NOW, because no one else can. So, woops.

Korra is completely disappointed (and probably doesn’t even understand WHY she’s so disappointed, hinting at deeper feelings for Asami that Korra hasn’t even stopped to reason with yet), but she sees Asami off while pretending this doesn’t bug her (for Asami’s benefit), and ends up spending the evening with Mako but clearly she’s not enjoying it as much as she hoped to. Which could result in Mako being pretty surprised by whatever closeness and bond those two seem to have now, noticing that he seems to have fallen to second place in Korra’s eyes somehow.

So! Skipping ahead, perhaps to the next day, Korra tries to check on Asami again! :D Oh, but she’s got to work on the airbenders’ outfits, some have been having trouble with the aerodynamics of it, and it’s just not working as Asami intended, so more calculations are needed! She takes to studying on the subject frantically, has to figure out what formula she’s missing or messing up, and while Korra offers to help, she knows there’s not really anything she can do to give Asami a hand since this stuff is well out of Korra’s area of expertise.

Then, when Asami is finally finished, OH NO! An emergency in the train she inaugurated at the start of the season! Asami has to go deal with that too! And of course, Korra goes too, while wondering how TF does this damn city even run without Asami...

... And then realizing it actually doesn’t. There’s a president who basically dumps all the difficult issues on Asami because she has the know-how and the resources to deal with all the city’s problems, there’s an airbending master who requested for that same girl to help with the designs of his people’s combat outfits instead of dealing with it himself or finding someone else to help, there’s an entire vehicle company (ranging from cars to AIRPLANES) that depends on HER. And it’s just SO. MUCH. SHIT. For a girl who’s like... 20? 21? How old is Asami at this point? xD I don’t even remember. But the point I’m trying to get to...

Is that Asami should be overwhelmed. She hasn’t had anyone helping her, she deals with everything alone, and it doesn’t matter how hard she tries to work through this, there’s always one more problem, one more obstacle, one more bothersome thing she has to tackle, and nobody seems to stop and think that maybe she could use a break. That maybe she needs a nap because she hasn’t had one in 20 months. That maybe things in this damn city would be in a better place if people didn’t rely on her, and her alone, to resolve the bulk of their problems.

Korra, though, with her latest character growth (... that I’m not really fond of anyhow, but still...), has become a lot better at understanding people’s emotions. And her job as an Avatar is, amongst many things, to help people: someone she cares about deeply, her best friend future girlfriend, is currently going through so much crap and the truth is, Asami needs help. Whether Asami realizes it or not, she needs it. And so, whether it’s Korra’s job or not to help her, that’s all Korra wants to do right now. 

So Korra enlists Mako and then all three deal with whatever that train emergency might be! Asami probably rejects their help at first, out of force of habit of doing everything alone lately, until Korra tells her she doesn’t have to do that anymore. And then Asami’s mind is blown because yeah, maybe there’s a bunch of older people in charge who are happy to dump all responsibilities on her! But that doesn’t mean she has to accept it meekly and save all their asses time after time... and it also doesn’t mean she has to deal with everything alone.

After the train problem is resolved, Korra and Asami (maybe Mako too? But for Korrasami’s purposes, it can just be those two) get to have a small chat about what life has been like for Asami since Korra vanished. The conversation doesn’t merely focus on Hiroshi, which... *cringes* let’s not get into that. It focuses on Asami and the hardships she’s dealing with, seeing as the city is basically using her as a non-bender Avatar, in the sense of leaving all the problem-solving to Asami alone. Korra probably apologizes, Asami probably tells her not to feel guilty, because she has had it rough, and Asami understands that better than anyone, especially after what she’s been through lately.

It’s a cute, heartfelt moment, not necessarily romantic yet, but featuring a strong, meaningful bonding scene between these two! Asami wants to go back to work on some pending stuff, and Korra respects that, though she warns Asami not to overdo it. Asami promises she won’t... and the next time Korra checks on her, Asami is asleep on her desk or something like that. Korra smiles and puts a blanket on her shoulders, and when someone else arrives to say something REALLY BAD is going on, Korra shushes them and decides to deal with it herself (as long as she can), and, if she can’t, she’ll find someone else to do it in Asami’s stead so the girl can sleep safe and sound for the first time in ages.

Episode pitch over! :’D

*siiiiiiiiiigh* alright, so yeah, this was something I originally thought of as a replacement episode, to further explore and establish a bond between Korra and Asami that wouldn’t really resolve all of the rushed-Korrasami problems... but it would make it so much clearer that those two share a different bond, and a very special understanding of each other, that the other two Krew members simply don’t have with either of them. It’d deepen their relationship, but the most important element about this for me was that it’d be an Asami-focused episode and plotline. However brief it would have been, my idea was to feature Asami facing her own problems, not problems based on her relationship with other people (be it family or romance). It was also a way to show that she’s not indestructible or just the go-to problem solver with neverending resources and talents that the plot can exploit at leisure whenever it feels like it. And, most importantly, that Asami can’t and SHOULDN’T be the answer to every problem in Republic City, especially when she’s only delivering those answers off-screen, offering the viewers next to no chance to see her in action, kicking ass at all the things she apparently has insane expertise on.

As far as I know, the two LOK comic trilogies haven’t really done much for Asami either. I haven’t read them so I could be wrong, but from what I can gather from comments of people who have read them and the books’ summaries, she’s still Korra’s girlfriend first and foremost, gets kidnapped so she can be used as a hostage to manipulate Korra, and then gets brainwashed into fighting against Korra...? If this is truly how it is, again, Asami just gets reduced to a satellite character, in the sense that she just revolves around other people as though that’s all there is to her character, canon-wise. Which... makes me sad. She had potential, plenty of potential worth exploring, if only the show’s writing had been more paused and allowed their characters to breathe and grow organically, as a consequence of their own actions and decisions rather than by being forced into hellish situations persistently until they broke out of desperation.

So... LOK really had the chance to explore a much more human side of Asami that they’ve neglected to acknowledge so far (from what I know), a chance to deepen her character by displaying that no one of such young age should have so many difficult responsibilities dumped on her shoulders... which, again, could be expanded into a metaphor for the Avatar’s role, showing both Korra and Asami as two highly capable women who could achieve great things... but who need a chance to be normal too, once in a while. From the looks of it, neither of them have had that chance in canon (yes, Korra was stuck in a compound all her life but Asami must have been stuck in constant lessons at every discipline she has mastered? If she can deal with all those jobs of hers as flawlessly as she has, I don’t think she had much of a life before LOK started), and it would have been really nice of the deeper, darker show LOK wanted to be to acknowledge that a bunch of grown-ups, who had relatively smooth lives in their youth, dumping so much heavy work on a pair of girls who are just becoming young adults and barely had childhoods of their own, is just damn nasty :’D just as it was nasty in a show featuring a much younger cast... *innocent whistling*

Alas, this was just one idea that won’t ever go anywhere in canon, as is obvious. I’m sure I mentioned it at least once before, not as thoroughly as I did just now, but this is more or less what I had in mind. If you dump a thousand things on a character, it would only be fair to let them suffer for it, to a fault. Maybe don’t feature them whining because they have soooo much work to do... but turn them into workaholics! Show that they’re struggling to make everything pay off, that this kind of burden isn’t child’s play because in real life, it simply wouldn’t be.

But, as there’s next to no chance Asami will ever get this sort of development, I merely stashed this idea on my back burner, in case it might come in handy in the future... 

... And then I returned to it once Gladiator’s Enforcers became a solid reality. Azula has been dealing with challenges that are rather different from those Asami dealt with... but ultimately, the responsibilities both girls have taken up, Asami in canon and Azula in my story, were just insanely big. Azula, in Gladiator, has had very little time to spare for “secondary” pursuits since the previous arc, and in the current one that has become a problem because she simply CAN’T stop working. She goes home and instead of going to bed, keeps on working. She’s constantly on edge, assuming that any time not spent working is wasted time, time she should take advantage of to further improve her projects and endeavors... to the point where people are starting to notice she’s slightly overwhelmed, extremely stressed out, and needs to calm down :’D

I really had wanted to explore these themes in overachieving characters, who take up far too many responsibilities, more than are reasonable. While I’ll always consider it a really big waste of potential that LOK never gave Asami this particular dimension, despite her character 100% warranted it, at least I had the chance to explore this with Azula instead, and I’m honestly really pleased with the result, because it suits her really well too. The outcome won’t be at all like what I just outlined for the LOK episode that never was, and the current story arc will take a vastly different direction... which is why I thought it would be fun to explain where this particular, new dimension of Azula’s character had come from.

Aaaanyways... the bottomline is, Return to Shu Jing is here. And I reeeeeally love this arc. I hope that those of you reading and staying up to date with the story will love it too!

[animepopheart]

As the Spirit Moves You: How Studio Ghibli Films Leave Room for A Range of Religious Interpretations

Today’s guest post is by Kaitlyn Ugoretz, a PhD student in the Department of East Asian Languages and Cultural Studies at the University of California, Santa Barbara whose research focuses on the globalization of Shinto through popular and digital media and the growth of online Shinto communities.

Since childhood, my life has been suffused with an appreciation for both anime and religion. Saturday mornings were dedicated to the weekly ritual of watching cartoons with my father (Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh!, Sailor Moon, Mobile Suit Gundam Wing—if it was on Toonami or WB Kids, we watched it!), and Sunday mornings were spent listening to him preach the gospel as the minister of our small Presbyterian church.

As a child, I never really thought about how anime and religion might intersect, but all that changed after I watched Miyazaki Hayao’s Spirited Away. Something about the heroines, spirits, and grand narratives about relationships between humans and the environment spoke to me and inspired a fascination that continues to shape my adult life. And thanks to social media and blogs like Beneath the Tangles, I know that I’m far from alone in feeling that there is something deeper—something that goes beyond what we might think of as “mere” entertainment—to be found in many anime. Today, I study the variety of religious/spiritual responses to anime as a scholar of Japanese religion, popular culture, and digital media.

Ghibli—Global Giant

Shinkai Makoto’s 2017 blockbuster animated film Your Name has given Spirited Away a run for its money in the box office, but Miyazaki Hayao’s 2001 masterpiece reclaimed its status this past June as the highest grossing anime film in the world after its long-awaited release in China. Studio Ghibli has produced an impressive 10 out of the world’s top 50 highest grossing animated films, including beloved favorites My Neighbor Totoro, Princess Mononoke, and Ponyo.

Box office earnings are not necessarily an indicator of the spiritual depth of Studio Ghibli’s films, but they do demonstrate their enduring global appeal. Scholars of Japanese religion and popular culture, most notably Jolyon Baraka Thomas and Katharine Buljan and Carole M. Cusack, have shown that Miyazaki Hayao and Isao Takahata’s anime films resonate with audiences from a wide range of religious and cultural backgrounds and even inspire religious responses.

What is it about Ghibli films that continues to capture the hearts of people from all walks of life and allows for such a diversity of religious interpretations? Considering how Miyazaki represents his filmic intentions, in addition to how scholars and different fan audiences have interpreted the meaning of Studio Ghibli films, I find that it is the mixture of familiar and foreign religious elements that inspire us to reexamine our own beliefs and seek out those messages that resonate with us.

Miyazaki’s Mixed Messages

What Miyazaki intended to communicate to his audience through his films? After all, he is well-known for addressing moral and social concerns, including adolescence, good and evil, humanity’s relationship with nature and technology, modern anxieties, and nostalgia for the past. Given his tendency to populate his fictional worlds with spirits or gods (typically referred to as kami in Japanese) and other supernatural creatures who are closely related with nature, like the river spirit in Spirited Away and the Forest Spirit in Princess Mononoke, Miyazaki is often asked whether his films are meant to foster Shinto beliefs.

Cleansed river spirit

Shishigami-sama, the Great Forest Spirit

Shinto is a difficult tradition to define, as it has meant different things to different people throughout history. Some classify Shinto as a religion with clear beliefs and practices, while others characterize it as an essential part of everyday life in Japan which can only be understood experientially. In any case, most can agree that—at its core—Shinto is a ritual tradition which centers on the worship of kami, divine entities that inhabit extra-ordinary natural phenomena and man-made objects and whose favor grants benefits to one’s life in this world.

While this definition may seem to suit Miyazaki’s films well, the creator himself explicitly rejects Shinto as the source of his inspiration. Miyazaki grew up in the midst of WWII and his understanding of Shinto is informed by the legacy of what scholars call “State Shinto,” the modern Japanese government’s takeover of Shinto shrine affairs in order to promote imperialist and nationalistic ideologies. The filmmaker has given ambiguous answers to the question of whether his films are influenced by religion. In one interview, Miyazaki elaborated:

Dogma inevitably will find corruption, and I’ve certainly never made religion a basis for my films. My own religion, if you can call it that, has no practice, no Bible, no saints, only a desire to keep certain places and my own self as pure and holy as possible. That kind of spirituality is very important to me. Obviously it’s an essential value that cannot help but manifest in my films.

Through his consistently vague characterization of his personal brand of spirituality, Miyazaki—like any masterful storyteller—leaves room for his audience to draw upon the rich imagery, relatable characters, and familiar themes to create their own meaningful interpretations.

Scholarly Interpretations

Scholars of religion and media have interpreted Miyazaki’s works from a number of theological perspectives. Some argue that the kami characters and environmental ethics which Miyazaki employs are clearly drawn from Shinto, despite his claims to the contrary. Others have offered Christian interpretations of Miyazaki’s films. For example, Prince Ashitaka (Princess Mononoke) and Princess Nausicaä (Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind) have been analyzed as messianic mediators between the profane and sinful realm of humanity and the sacred realm of Nature/Creation, as well as messengers of the gospel, promoting love and nonviolence.

Ashitaka goes into exile to restore harmony

Nausicaä is healed by the Ohm

Fan Interpretations

Scholars aren’t the only ones interested in the spiritual underpinnings of Ghibli films—fans around the world gather on- and offline to discuss their personal interpretations. These conversations are more than intellectual exercises; Thomas and Buljan and Cusack have shown that popular media like anime can inspire religious responses in audience members as well as entertain. That is, Ghibli films may influence viewers’ worldview and behavior, even if these viewers do not consider themselves to be religious. Thomas’s survey of Japanese fans shows that this influence may take many forms, such as a “belief in an immanent spiritual bond existing among all living things,” a pilgrimage to a special site like Yakushima forest (supposedly a source of inspiration for the sacred forest in Princess Mononoke), or a reenactment of the acorn-growing ritual portrayed in My Neighbor Totoro.

Erika Ogihara-Schuck examines how Miyazaki’s films have been translated into English and German in such a way as to secularize the spiritually-charged elements, referring to kami characters as “spirits” rather than “gods” and their powers as “magical” instead of “sacred” or “divine.” In some cases, this translation project has succeeded; some fans view Miyazaki’s films as ‘simply entertaining,’ while others read them as uncomfortably morally ambiguous, superstitious, or explicitly opposed to Christian theology. Still others in the Christian blogosphere—including contributors on sites such as Beneath the Tangles and Christ X Pop Culture—have found plenty of food for thought in Studio Ghibli films, prompting discussions of how anime narratives might productively challenge and affirm their core values as brothers and sisters in Christ.

Some audiences, as I have discovered in my own research, draw upon Studio Ghibli films as a source of Shinto spiritual instruction. In my study of the growth of predominantly non-Japanese online Shinto communities (OSCs) on social media, I find that anime plays an important role in the fostering of interest in Japanese religions, as well as participation in OSCs.

In interviews, surveys, and posts, several of the leading, active members of OSCs have noted that their early exposure to Ghibli films are what inspired their further study and adoption of Shinto. In community discussions, members share their interpretations of religious elements in anime. These conversations often focus on the relationship between humanity, kami, and nature and affirm the importance of moral character and gratitude. In similar fashion to other online religious communities, OSC members will comment on posts and keep the discussion going, negotiating interpretations, sharing links to blog posts and video clips which they find informative, and posing further questions.

In response to new members’ requests for more information about Shinto, each OSC has created its own list of recommended resources, which often include anime films and series in addition to books and blogs. As such, Studio Ghibli films like Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke have become, in effect, ‘required reading’ for OSC members. In this way, Ghibli films function as an important introduction to Japanese spirituality—particularly Shinto—for international audiences and a resource for the construction of personal and community beliefs.

Language Games

How can Studio Ghibli films spark so many different religious responses and interpretations—Christian, Shinto, and otherwise? The answer lies with two key concepts: Jolyon Baraka Thomas’s theory of “playful religion” and Leonard Primiano’s theory of “vernacular religion.”

Thomas argues that the distinction we make between religion and   entertainment is artificial; entertainers can playfully use religious symbols to create an engaging story, and viewers can derive spiritual meaning from popular media, regardless of whether the creator intended for them to do so.

“Vernacular religion” refers to religion as it is lived—not what religious authorities say religion ‘should be,’ but how religious concepts are translated into a particular culture and actually practiced by people.

One way anime creators like Miyazaki manage to both entertain and inspire their audiences is to ‘play’ with the ‘languages’ of religion. These language games are a lot like playing Mad Libs. The storyteller chooses from among a variety of popular religious images and themes from different traditions—our collective religious vocabulary bank—and removes them from their original context. These religious elements are then recombined within a familiar narrative framework to create new images and stories that are compelling because they are both familiar and foreign to us. It is left up to each of us as audience members to make sense of these disassociated religious elements by translating them back into our own vernacular of faith.

Understanding this process of translation we all participate in as Studio Ghibli fans is important for two reasons. First, it reminds us that the meaning or significance of an anime is not defined by any one person’s vision, even that of its creator. No one has the ‘right’ answer. Our personal interpretations and those of others are just as meaningful, because they are grounded in our beliefs and thus have the power to affect the way we look at the world and live our lives. Second, the fact that the same images and themes can resonate with people of different faiths and backgrounds speaks to values we have in common, as well as a common desire to be spiritually engaged, as well as entertained, by the media we consume. Ultimately, the genius of Studio Ghibli films lies in their rich assemblage of religious symbols and grand narratives, which audience members are—if they are so inclined—free to interpret in a way that affirms their beliefs and feeds their soul.

Kaitlyn Ugoretz is a PK (Pastor’s Kid), anime fan, and PhD student in the Department of East Asian Languages and Cultural Studies at the University of California, Santa Barbara. Her research focuses on the globalization of Shinto through popular and digital media and the growth of online Shinto communities. Kaitlyn runs Digital Shinto, a site where anyone can learn about and participate in her ethnographic study of Shinto’s development outside of Japan.

—

Recommended Reading:

Buljan, Katherine and Carole M. Cusack. Anime, Religion, and Spirituality: Profane and Sacred Worlds in Contemporary Japan. Sheffield: Equinox Publishing Ltd., 2015.

Ogihara-Schuck, Erika. Miyazaki’s Animism Abroad: The Reception of Japanese Religious Themes in German and American Audiences. Jefferson, NC: McFarland & Company, Inc., 2014.

Park, Jin Kyu. “‘Creating My Own Cultural and Spiritual Bubble’: Case of Cultural Consumption By Spiritual Seeker Anime Fans.” Culture and Religion 6.3 (2005): 393-413.

Thomas, Jolyon Baraka. Drawing on Tradition: Manga, Anime, and Religion in Contemporary Japan. Honolulu, HI: University of Hawai’i Press, 2012.

[fericita-s]

There’ll Be Dancing

Another story for the When all is Lost series that @the-spastic-fantastic and I have been torturing each other with. Major thanks to her for helping me get this story to where it is!

This is set before In Vino Veritas, during Agnarr’s 18th birthday celebration.  The link to When All is Lost above goes to AO3, where all of the stories are in in order.

***

In the spring of 1843, the arrival of a new ship in the Arendelle harbor did not signify a new shipment of goods.  Instead, it heralded the arrival of a new princess or lady or ridiculously wealthy daughter of a foreign merchant on her way to meet the king. Henrik tried to be present in the castle for as many of these visits as possible, dressed in his most fashionable attire with his hair slicked back. “You can’t marry them all, Agnarr, maybe one will see me and decide she can do better anyway!”

Agnarr was glad someone was having fun with this procession of women.  His councilors, especially Captain Calder, impressed upon him the need to woo the kingdoms and merchants, if not the women. “It’s a sign of respect to host their eligible women and entertain the notion of marriage alliance and preferred trading status. This is delicate work, renegotiating trade agreements and tariffs,”  Captain Calder had told him privately.  “You be attentive to them and I will be attentive to the details of our kingdom’s interests.” Agnarr didn’t bother asking if his interests mattered. He knew it was his duty to maintain strong trade partners and forge new defense pacts with kingdoms known for military prowess. Arendelle had recovered well from its dark days following the Northern Expedition, but it remained a small kingdom with its security based on economic growth.  Safe only so long as its ships carried goods all over Europe, supplying the continent’s booming population with ice and other essential exports.  

Agnarr wasn’t particularly excited about the prospect of marrying someone in order to keep Arendelle strong. But, a marriage could quell worries that a neighboring country would become a hostile country. The Southern Isles were growing more powerful, Weselton always had an eye on expanding its influence, and any number of rich foreigners could bring new business and industry to Arendelle if  marriage to the king was the incentive.  Lady Wollen had carefully explained to him, while warning not to let it go to his head, that he was considered quite the eligible, young bachelor.  In her role as Minister of State, she had been fielding numerous diplomatic match-making inquiries for the past four years.  He understood.  He was the king.  

But every time he took Duchess Alexsandra from Weselton on a riding tour of the coast, or Lady Tunde on a bird watching trip within the castle grounds, or  Princess Erzsebet on a walk to visit the new chocolate shop in the village, what filled his mind was visions of Iduna with her bare feet in the grass, picking up a worm and studying it.  Iduna climbing a tree to better see the setting sun.  Iduna directing where the gardens should be planted and which berries should be collected and which herbs were best for medicinal teas. Iduna, who had also been without a family too young, and who also knew what it was to be lonely and alone.

What he really wanted was to know if Iduna would be his wife. The council might not suggest it outright, but they wouldn’t prevent him from marrying someone of his own choice. A few times he had tried to talk to her about it.  Before Princess Erzsebet’s ship arrived, he had asked Iduna to go with him to the chocolate shop to be sure it was suitable for his foreign guest. He had even tried to broach the subject of courtship and marriage, but it had not gone well. He went over the conversation in his mind again, trying to figure out how he could have been more clear about his feelings for her. He was able to communicate well in council meetings and when addressing his people as their King. So why was he always so inept around Iduna when it came to this part of his heart?

He thought he had started off rather chivalrously and very kingly, pulling out a chair for her and buying her several squares of different chocolate to taste. “Thank you for coming here with me.  I know how hard it is for you to take time off from the apothecary.”

Iduna had smiled, one of her genuine, happy smiles and answered, “Oh, it’s not as busy as running a kingdom, but it’s nice to take a break! And this chocolate is delicious. I’ve been wanting to try this new shop for some time.  It’s really lovely.”

Agnarr had been relieved their time together still felt as easy as it had when they were younger. He too smiled as he spoke. “Oh good, I wanted to be sure Princess Erzebet will be impressed.  Captain Calder keeps telling me how important it is for us to maintain a good relationship with The Southern Isles, and if I accidentally poison her when she arrives in a few days, I think he might find a way to fire me.”

Agnarr had expected her to laugh at that, and was surprised when she stopped eating her piece of chocolate, put the remainder on her plate, and wiped her mouth. He continued talking to cover the sudden silence, offering her a piece of his chocolate. Perhaps he shouldn’t have mentioned poison while they were eating. “He’s really been concerned about a good alliance through marriage. I know the kingdom needs heirs and it’s expected of me, but it feels so strange to be sized up like a prize horse. I think, though, if I told him I preferred to decide on my own and wanted to pay formal court to one person, he would drop these scheduled visits.  Do you think – “

But Iduna had cut him off, suddenly remembering that Mr. Visser needed her to restock the supplies that day. He had wanted to say that when he thought of what was best for him and what was best for Arendelle, it was her. That if she would have him, he would refuse any more visits from any more eligible ladies, and tell his council to make trade deals and alliances without the promise of marriage muddling it up.

Iduna, while open about so much - what she thought about steam locomotives or crop rotation or the latest novel from Denmark - did not say or even hint what she might be feeling about him. Ever. In his own clumsy way he had tried to ask over the years, but it came out wrong, or not at all, or she quickly changed the conversation. One day, before she had even taken the position at Visser’s Apothecary and was just starting to consider leaving the orphanage they had been having a particularly rousing debate on the benefits of expanding aquaculture versus funding deep sea fishing ventures. He followed her to the courtyard and asked her what her plans were for the future. “Do you think you will stay in Arendelle? I mean, I would like you to stay, and I think it would benefit the kingdom.” He had tried to take her hand, but she backed away, saying “Of course I’ll stay, no need to grab me to keep me here!  I don’t think I could bear to leave my garden,” and he was left opening and closing his hand, as if he was just flexing his hand muscles while out for a walk on the grounds.

Now, as his eighteenth birthday was drawing close, the castle was to host a ball in celebration. All of the ladies who had visited previously would be making return trips, with several new ones attending to be presented for the first time. Agnarr had also secured places on the guest list for the graduates of the Royal Academy, Arendelle’s pride and hope for the future. Today Iduna was meeting him in the gardens – her gardens – to help him select the bouquets for the visiting dignitaries and ladies.

He met her at the castle gate and thanked her for coming. She seemed a bit more formal than usual. Perhaps whatever was bothering her the day they spent at the chocolate shop had not been resolved.  As they walked the rows, he tried to start one of their easy and lively conversations by saying “Lady Wollen says the ladies should know that I picked the flowers, it makes it more meaningful. “

Instead of making a joke, or telling him the history and husbandry of the roses in the castle garden, Iduna sighed and straightened, putting a hand over her eyes to shield from the sun. He realized how inconsiderate he was being at once.

“Forgive me, you’ve been standing all day and the apothecary, you must be tired. Let’s go sit on the porch and I’ll have Gerda bring us something to drink.”

Iduna nodded, though he noticed it was unenthusiastic. Very well, perhaps something sweet like lemonade would be the remedy. Gerda was quick to see to their needs and soon they were drinking comfortably in the shade.

“I’m glad you plan to come to my birthday ball. Lady Wollen went over the guest list with me this morning.”

Iduna smiled, though it was a guarded one. One that he had seen her use with particularly trying customers, but never with him. “Yes, your majesty, I’m happy to come and celebrate your birthday. Though I’m sure with so many visitors, you won’t have much time for the academy crowd.”

“Of course I will! You’re the only ones who will make it bearable.  Besides, even though it’s my birthday, I’ll be giving out gifts that night and I have a special one for you.”

Some of her genuine smile returned. “Oh? And will it be a gold hammer? Or a golden bicycle wheel? What wonderful golden gift did you think of this time?”

He was relieved to have her tease him, to be playful rather than pained in her expression. “I gave you one bad gift, one time!”  He laughed and blushed.  “Will you ever let me forget that mortar and pestle?’

“That depends. Do you plan on giving me anything worse?” her smile was full now, she was enjoying this.

“Actually, it is gold, at least partly.” She laughed again, and it was like being fourteen again when he could tell her anything. “Iduna, I know what I really want for my birthday. And I know what I’d like to give you. I hope you’ll like it.” She could see that he wasn’t teasing anymore, and had trouble meeting his eyes as he continued. He noticed a flush on her cheeks, and wondered if the sun had been too strong for her while they were in the sunlight of the garden.

“I know it must seem strange that all of these ladies keep coming to the castle, and that I have to spend so much time with them. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t even know how to talk to women at all! And what I really want is for your help always, in – “

But before he could continue, Iduna spilled her glass of lemonade, jumped up with apologies, and excused herself to go home. “I’ll see you at the ball. I promise I won’t miss it.”

***

The day of the ball was tortuous, having to try on the different coats and trousers and hats, and each time pinning on the military medals that he hadn’t earned. Captain Calder insisted on that. “It shows that, though young, you are a serious man and should be treated as such.  You’ve seen battle.” Agnarr resisted pointing out that he hadn’t seen battle.  He had been unconscious.  And fourteen.  And would have been useless even if he hadn’t been hit on the head immediately during the massacre.  But he knew Captain Calder meant well, and he knew this night was more for Arendelle’s alliances to celebrate the strength of their bond than a celebration of his eighteenth birthday.  It was fine. It was part of being king.

As he stood at the receiving line, trying to remember the names of each visiting lady and each citizen, he kept looking for Iduna. He had arranged with Maddie and Greet that he would pay for all three of their gowns, as long as they didn’t let Iduna know the money came from him. They were to tell her that their seamstress friend was able to procure fabric and patterns for a fraction of the normal price. Iduna remained mostly indifferent to fashion, and was satisfied to follow her friends’ lead on what to wear. Agnarr had heard reports from Maddie that the dresses were beautiful, and that Iduna looked exquisite in her midnight blue gown.

She did. It took his breath away as he caught sight of her entering the ballroom, in a way both familiar and surprising. She had always seemed to make the air around him feel different.  Tonight he ached to look at her. Her hair was swept off of her shoulders, and her bare neck was a revelation. How had he known her for four years and never known her neck to be so beautiful, so smooth, so inviting?

As she came through the line, and took her hand in his, their gloves touched briefly, and then were apart. He remembered how often they had held hands on their explorations of the woods, years ago when she still lived at Eir’s, and how he had mourned the loss of her touch when it stopped.  How nice it would be to take her hand whenever he wished, to go through an event like this with her beside him. They could make a game of counting ugly hats, or wager on which duke’s shoes had the highest heel. He had to hold her hand again, and soon. He had dozens of gifts to give out, dozens of women he was assigned to dance with, and dozens of dignitaries left to greet.  But if he didn’t hold her hand again, he didn’t think he could do anything else.

He bowed to her. “Will you dance with me?”

Iduna curtsied. “Your majesty, they aren’t playing music yet.”

“They will if we start dancing. It’s my party after all.” He took her hand again, and felt his whole body relax as he did. After a day and evening of adhering to protocol, he felt like he was himself again. Not just figurehead King Agnarr, but Agnarr who liked to explore and learn with his best friend.  He understood who he was more deeply when Iduna was with him.

He led her to the dance floor, and when he indicated, the orchestra began to play a waltz. She arranged her skirt and then put her free hand on his shoulder.  He liked the sensation of her light touch on his shoulder; it was like she was keeping him steady, keeping him on the ground. He knew from the dance lessons overseen by Lady Wollen that his hand should go on her waist, but it felt strange to hold her there.  It was a closer, more intimate touch than they had ever had, and he inhaled sharply as his hand settled there. She too seemed startled, though not unwelcoming, of it, and smiled at him in a way he couldn’t identify. He thought he knew all of her smiles, but this one was new. As they began the easy steps of the waltz, other couples joined them on the dance floor to do the same.

He liked how his mouth was close to her ear, how he could see the individual strands of her hair making up her braided coronet. He had never been this close to her, and as they danced, he felt the weight of unsaid things and unspoken hopes.  He gripped her more tightly, and then relaxed his hold, worried she would notice his behavior and find it odd.  Lady Wollen had not spent years training him in the etiquette of formal state affairs for him to act like a confused child with his most cherished friend.  Usually, Iduna would be the one he told about feeling inadequate to the kingly duty weighing on him, but in this instance, when she was what he was feeling unsure about, he did not know what to do. So instead of speaking, he savored their closeness, the feel of her hand in his, her smile as she caught his eye. As the song drew to a close, he cleared his throat and spoke. “After this, I’ll have to dance with the others. But I wanted to give you your gift.  You might want to wear it.”

She raised an eyebrow. “I did come wearing something already. Something that I suspect you had something to do with.”

“And if I did?” He didn’t want to admit to anything, not until he knew how she felt about. Would she be grateful? Resentful? He knew how much she hated depending on others for her needs.  Back when she started working at Mr. Visser’s, she had begun paying Eir a weekly stipend to pay back the time she had spent in her care.  

“If you did, I would say thank you, your majesty. You are a kind and thoughtful king, as I am sure these ladies vying for your attention will soon find out.”

Encouraged by her acceptance of the dress, he led her away from the dance floor and into a small alcove with a balcony, already regretting the loss of his hand at her waist and hers on his shoulder. His hand felt hot through his glove, and he felt like he was fourteen again, worried that she would feel his sweat and drop his hand. He dropped her hand for a moment to reach into his pocket, and hand her the necklace he had ordered made for her. It was an imprint of a fossil they had found out on a skerry, about half an inch long and in the perfect shape of a very small shell, set in gold with a delicate chain. “Is this to your liking?”

He expected a joke about it being  gold, or a comment that it wasn’t a good way to preserve a fossil. Instead, she swallowed a few times, blinked twice, and said “It’s lovely.  Will you put it on me?”

Iduna turned her back to him so he could fasten the necklace around her neck. It was dizzying standing behind her, with her hair so close to his face, her neck to close to his mouth. He felt like they were still dancing but to music to which he did not know the steps. He clasped the chain, taking several attempts as his gloved hands felt clumsy and uncertain. She touched the medallion and turned. “It’s beautiful. I love it. Thank you.”

It was all the words he wanted to say, but he found he couldn’t. He stared at her, longing to take her hand, and unsure if she would want him to. She met his eyes, and he wasn’t sure what to read into them. “Iduna, I – “

Lady Wollen interrupted. “Oh Iduna, don’t you look lovely! Agnarr, I’m sure you remember you must dance with our guests.  I believe Lady Tunde was first on your dance card?” Lady Tunde was with Lady Wollen, and rather unhappily took notice of Iduna’s necklace. He thought he saw her scowling at the crocus pin she wore, the same gift he had given every lady visiting from foreign shores.

“Yes, of course,” Agnarr bowed to Iduna, gave her a smile of apology, and followed Lady Wollen to his assigned partner. He followed his dance card the rest of the night, but did not see Iduna again. Had she left early? Taken a walk in the garden with Maddie and Greet? Did she truly like the necklace?

***

The next morning, a gift appeared outside his bedroom room.  A jar of lutefisk, a lumpy package wrapped in paper, and a note in Iduna’s handwriting. “So you will always remember ‘The Incident’ and so you will always remember me.” He unwrapped the paper and found a heavy stone, a fossil sunken in on one side, with the spiraling shape of an ancient sea creature. It was one they had found together, and never figured out exactly what it was called. A thing that had been alive, and left proof all these years later that it had lived and left its mark. He ran his fingers over it, liking the feel of it, but wishing for her hand again.

[purelafemme]

Mid 2020 reflections

The older I grow, the more important I realize it is to extend myself grace, and to practice patience. All the pieces of my life will come together. This pandemic has taught me to be still. 

A few days ago I woke up in a grumpy mood. Over the last few months, some days will go by and I will feel fine. Others, not too hot. Recently, I decided to practice a tip from one of the former therapists. I took the time to “check in” with myself and pinpoint all the reasons I was feeling so out of tune. 

A big reason for this “out-of-tuneness” is coming from my job. I don’t feel as connected and engaged to my work, as I would imagine it would be if we were in the office. Its difficult for me to focus and relax in my room. All my life I have struggled with performance anxiety, which has become heightened due to my experience in the AEA program. Teleworking has blurred the lines between my home life and my work life, making it difficult for my brain to separate the two. Also, I feel cramped and restricted due to the lack of independence and freedom I am experiencing living in my parents house. I miss my freedom and independence of living in my own apartment. I’m going to stay here until January to try and save more money (at least $8,000). Just like I felt with Morgan back in fall of 2017, I can feel that I have outgrown living in my parents house and living in Baltimore. It’s time for a new beginning and a fresh start. I don’t want the pandemic to prevent me from pushing back my plans further, or allow it to cause time to get away from me. It’s important that I take this step towards moving out for me.

 A second reason propelling my dismay comes from a realization that I had realized over the past weekend. I have a strong tendency to over give in a lot of the relationships I have. I went out of my way to plan something to do with my estranged friendship group from middle school, and I am not too pleased with how it went. In Boston, I didn’t have many friends nor did I engage in many social activities. One of the reasons I wanted to return back to this area is so I could hang out with my friends and resume social activities again. Earlier this summer, I started putting a lot of energy into hanging out and doing things with and for my friends. But after these two-three years of me being away, I’ve realized that some of my friend groups/dynamics are not the same. Honestly, I feel like a big part of the reason why I started hanging out a lot with my friends is because since my love life is not going the way that I want it to, I want to keep people around me a lot to avoid feeling lonely, to mask the loneliness. But I want to shed those feelings and really take the time to get into myself. One of the reasons I delayed grad school was because I really wanted to take space for myself to develop myself (Develop myself spiritually, mentally--develop my fashion, my interests, my personality, knowledge). This has made me realize that I want and need to feel more comfortable being alone, which is another reason why I think living alone would be good for my personal growth. Additionally, even though things didn't work out the way I intended them to with my partner earlier this Spring, that situation has finally taught me, after 24 years of age (8 years of dating), how I deserve to be treated and what qualities I want in a partner. Given this, I think I need to now branch out and truly get comfortable with being alone. Over the last couple of years, I have struggled with being alone and I realized that I will go run to go hang out with people to avoid that feeling, or I will spend my time being alone and wishing I laid up with a nigga. I want to truly embrace the idea of just truly being alone, and being happy and content. 

Sometimes I experience a weird sadness about me not following through with my previous academic plans, which causes me to feel like im a funk. I went to research conference today where my peers who have continued with their academic plans were present, I couldn’t help but feel a tinge bit of sad that I didn't continue mine. This month would have been the month I would be starting my PhD program if everything had went as planned. Although I realized this was not right for me, I am still kind of bummed in a weird way about it. I worked exceedingly hard and invested a lot of time and energy into this goal, and now that things haven't gone as planned and I have seemingly abandoned my PhD dreams, I feel a weird sense of sadness about it. I may be still interested in research, but honestly, I am not sure. From doing the AEA program twice, witnessing the AEA Climate Survey, surviving the Harvard program, and reading Claudia’s blog post, I feel kind an overwhelming sense of jadedness by this whole thing-- and now I cannot seem to make up my mind about an exact alternative career path or graduate degree. All I know is that I would really like to have a concrete plan once this job is over, because I am not getting any younger and I want to have security when it comes to my career goals by the time I approach my mid thirties. 

Now that I have just written a list of reasons why I am in a funk because I am not where I wanna be, I want to take just as much time to reflect on all the reasons why I am proud of myself. I am very proud of myself for landing my current job opportunity. It took me over six months of applying to land my current position, and there was several times over the course of those months where I was bogged down with anxiety and self-doubt crept it! Literally the day I got the offer, I was laying in bed CRYING because it was April and my program was going to end in May and I hadn't secured a reasonable opportunity yet. My God is good, and he for sure came right on time. Of course, there are some days where my performance anxiety at work is on high, but  really in those moments need to take a step back and praise him for granting me the opportunity to get a job in my field, with a nice salary, with nice people and meaningful, clear growth opportunities. I am so grateful, and I need to acknowledge this more as well as congratulate myself for this. Even though things didn’t go as planned with the whole PhD thing, I am EXACTLY where God wants me to be in my life, and that is a beautiful thing. I am proud of where I am, and I know this opportunity will give me the tools to make the best career decision for me moving forward. I am claiming it now. Honestly, this is my first time since I graduated undergrad where I feel like I can breathe. 

I am also proud of myself for giving myself the space to develop ME for ME. There is so much other parts of life and myself that I want to explore, and now that I am no longer suffocated by the pressures of academia, I am excited to dive in ! I recently hired a trainer, and started my own business! Being in grad school is a huge educational investment that comes at a cost. The stress of that program didn't leave time for me to dedicate to other parts of my life, which I realized I did not like. My twenties are my formative years. So yeah, it does suck to have invested so much time in doing all those things to be a perfect PhD applicant and then to not even apply to PhD programs lol, but I am soo proud of myself for listening to my gut, taking a step out on faith and choosing a different direction! It wasn't an easy decision at first, but I am excited about where this side business will take me, and I am happy that this will be a chance for me to explore my artistic side more! I have always had this side to myself, but never fully dived into it because of the lack of time and resources. So I am proud of using this space and time to unlock a new side of myself. I also think there will be a lot of personal growth opportunities that will come from being a small business owner, which I have confidence I can tackle and that it will make me more mature, and help develop sounder financial practices ! :)

I am super proud of myself for taking charge of my health!!! My weight is something I have always struggled with since elementary school. I was never particularly fat, but I was never as skinny as people like my sister and my cousins. From a young age, I internalized a sense of being uncomfortable with my body, which has followed me into adulthood. However it wasn't until the later half of high school when I started to develop some health problems as a result of my poor diet and lifestyle habits. My period has been irregular since 2012-2013, which I am sure was triggered by the anxiety I faced from switching schools, eating predominantly restaurant food from working at Charlestown, and having a poor sleeping schedule. After four years or random, scattered periods, I got diagnosed with PCOS in 2016. In 2017 I turned 21. I started drinking alcohol a lot more, causing me that fall to weigh in at my biggest size ever--over 180 pounds. Since the middle of high school, my weight had always been in the 160-170s range. That spring, I was able to get serious about diet and exercise and shed some pounds due to my leave from school. However, over the past two years in the Harvard program, I have not been able to manage my weight properly, causing me to explode to the biggest size I have ever been--195.. And im not sure what’s going on with my hormone production now, but I know my gut is a hot mess. (This spring I just got diagnosed with IBS.) Since the pandemic started, I have tried to work out consistently and eat a balanced diet. However over the last five months I have not seen many changes in my body which has been disappointing. This week on impulse, I made the decision to hire a trainer-- this is going to be the first step towards making some serious lifestyle changes for me and I am excited to get into the best physical shape I have ever been in! Regardless of the number on the scale, I really want to do this for the improvement of my overall health. I want to develop a healthier relationship with food (stop binge eating/seeking food as comfort) and I also want to train myself to not only eat out of boredom, or because food is available. I know developing this habits will help me develop more discipline! Also, I think our bodies as humans are capable of so much, and I really want to treat my body good so I can get the best use out of it ! I want to learn how to swim, I want to build endurance and start running, I want to be able to sustain my own body weight, and become proficient at aerial yoga! Also, sometime in the future I want to have kids and before this happens I want to already be in shape and be in the position to have a happy and healthy pregnancy. Being a mother is one of my biggest aspirations in my life ! I am hoping that this change to my lifestyle will support better hormonal health and regulate my menstrual cycle, which would actually help me get pregnant easier in the future. I am also tired of having all these stomach problems (indigestion, acid reflux, constipation, etc)--clearly something inside of me is inflamed and thats why I am having these issues. Overall, I am very proud of myself in taking these actions and I am excited to see how my body will look, how I will feel, and in what ways I can grow mentally and financially with my business !��

One last reason why I am proud of myself is because I have been making small strides to become more money conscious. However, I know I can definitely improve in this area over the next couple of months, and it is important that I tackle this since I have my first real job, (plus a side business) and I want to live on my own. I have always struggled with managing my personal finances, so I am excited to learn tips and develop practices that will help me be smarter with my money. This is also very important to me because one day I would like to have a family, and I want to be able to provide for them. So it is important that I take the steps now to ensure that I am living below my means, and that I can set myself up to be financially comfortable and not cash strapped. 

I was inspired to write this post because I woke up one day in a sour mood about my current circumstances and the fact that I am seemingly not where I want to be and I felt down about it. But then I woke up the next day and realized how much I really had to be grateful for, and how proud I am of myself for all that I have accomplished throughout my life even with various obstacles I have encountered. God truly has favored me. Even through this crisis, God has found ways to bless me and I have taken actions to better myself. For that I am super thankful for. There are people that have lost their life and their livelihoods in 2020, but for some reason God still choose me to protect, and to take me to the next level. So I want to take this time to publicly thank him for all that he has done on the inside! Instead of focusing on the all the areas of my life that I am not too satisfied with, I vow to constantly cultivate a heart, mind and spirit full of gratitude and praise. 

Other short term goals I want to accomplish 

- Join a church home/integrate other practices into my life to develop my relationship with him in addition to keeping the prayer journal (reading the bible, starting a gratitude book)

- Take better care of my hair: be more consistent with protective styles, trims, and deep conditioning! 

- Read more books (I have watched too much TV this year lol) I especially want to read more books written by Black women and the experience of Black women!

-Try new hobbies (in addition to swimming, I want to go horseback riding, etc)

[tacosandtomcos]

I don't get it, how did the show treat Tom unfairly, Tom was never a protagonist. I think Tom justice and the series show how he's growth as a character when he broke up with Star showing how he truly change back from the beginning (when he was just know as the angry ex boyfriend that even didn't really matter to begin with), plus not to mention how he got a little bit more than before, so again how did the show treat Tom badly.

just because he’s not the main protagonist does not mean he deserves to have been shoved to the side by the end of the series, when you spend time much time with a character and building up a character, and building your relationships with a character you want them to have a real conclusive end where all of these components matter and come full circle.

This is not what happens to tom.

Sure, he improves greatly, and i love him for it, but does it lead to a conclusion for his character where he’s recognized for his achievements, do his achievements and relationships’s he’s grown end up important down the line?

No, they don’t.

Tom improves but no one ever recognizes his efforts or do they apologize to him, he grows but it impacts very little of anything outside of his own personal arc. Zuko’s redemption led to switching sides and fighting his father and sister and becoming the new leader.

Tom’s redemption led to....having nothing to do with the finale and being ignored by his girlfriend until she basically leaves him for his best friend.

Tom goes through all this trouble and grows and it doesn’t impact the plot and it never leads him into a satisfying end for his character, his arc just....ends.

it’s setup without a real payoff.

You want an arc to lead somewhere, if you’re going to have a character improve over the course of a show at the end you want to see their improvements pay off for them, that they EARNED their ending because off the choices they made and the flaws they overcame.

Tom’s the kinda character that was warranting of an ending where he not only improves, but was recognized for it and valued by his friends because of everything he had done for them.

that he went from being unsocial, and angry and alone, to being feeling better about himself, and emotionally better and valued by great friends.

He puts his life before their’s, he helps their efforts, he actively tries to be understanding and respectful about everything going on, he apologizes for misteps and corrects himself....

he does all of this, he improves this greatly and what happens? nothing, star never apologizes to him, in fact both star and marco completely forget about him, and they have no problem whatsoever dating despite the fact he’s fresh from a pretty hurtful breakup for the guy.

his relationships with neither don’t end up mattering, because he spends so much time with star and by the end she cares very little about him, how he feels and his own safety.

and Marco, despite being way better, their friendship has little to do with much of anything since very little episodes put it in the focus or talk about it.

by the end of the series, the show is saying that star and marco’s relationship matters WAY more then tom’s with either of them, they basically state neither care about tom all that much and neither character ever tried to correct this.

Neither of them ever make an effort to show how much they value tom as a friend outside of inviting him at rare times or doing small favors that don’t matter much.

and If the ending for his character was supposed to be “You two should be together”, that’s incredibly stupid, don’t have a character go through so much effort to improve to have good relationships and feel more comfortable about themselves and end it with “i’m still not good enough, you two are perfect together”. There’s nothing more unsatisfying then for a character to go through an arc just to serve for getting OTHER PEOPLE together and not for something with themselves.

yeah, sure, it’s not realistic to improve so deeply and always expect to gain something from it.

But as an arc to a character it’s DEEPLY unsatisfying for someone to improve and to gain relationships with the protagonists, and the way they end that character is “Sorry, you mean less to us, we care about each other more” and earn nothing after putting out so much.

Tom gives but he gets nothing by the end of the show, he improves but it makes no difference to how his relationships are treated, he considers these two to be his best friends and neither give a heck about him.

It’s not enough for tom to improve, his improvements need to actually lead up to something meaningful for his character.

and dang it’s unpleasent to watch a character improve so much and watch him constantly suffer for it because of people who are supposed to be his best friends and he not only feels worse about himself because of it, but never ends up feeling any better or ever feels appreciated or valued much either.

Maybe you’re fine with it, but i didn’t watch 4 seasons of this show to watch someone improve so much, and get thrown under the bus for it over and over and then have them end the series without them getting so much as a worried expression from their friends and then not even get a proper farewell because “star and marco’s relationship mattters WAY more”.

Your side characters are still characters dammit, if eclipsa could get an end with her family and somewhat of an end with her own mother, why can’t tom be given an end where he is hugging his best friends and feels valued rather then second rate?

[ryukyuan-sunflower]

Sara: A Grieving Mother is a Huge Piece in the Fuugen Puzzle

I was recently asked by an anonymous messenger about the relationship between Mugen and Sara. Not knowing if Mugen had feelings for Sara or not, it made them question Fuugen. Time to clear up some doubts.

Links to specific scenes are underlined.

Mugen and Sara have a very interesting character dynamic. But do I consider it romantic? Not at all. (Someone is bound to disagree with me). But whether you decide to believe in Fuugen or not, it is very clear that each scene with Sara, we get scenes between Fuu and Mugen. Sara’s episodes have them spend so much time alone together.

Firstly, Mugen flirts with every woman he finds attractive. Which would total to being around 6 in the series total (not counting manga, cause boy, there’s more). Hotaru, Budoukiba, the two girls he stole food from, Yatsuha and also Sara. So, it is not as if Sara is the only woman he finds attractive or has flirted with. In fact, Fuu would be the unique character in that, he comments on her appearance and then puts it down. Anyone who argues “She’s like a sister figure to him”, will then be thrown off by the fact Mugen asked to see her boobs...comments on her no sex appeal multiple times, remarks that she was probably raped and dumped etc etc. Not things you should ever say to someone you’d consider your sister figure.

Fuu changed Mugen. Fuu makes Mugen care. Mugen made sacrifices for Fuu. Mugen never hurt Fuu, and always came back to save her/help her find her father despite his repeated “attempts” to leave.

I do not see Sara representing a romantic figure to Mugen at all. As YouTuber Final Rantasy pointed out in the video Fuu’s empathy: how a friendship changed killers into warriors, he explains how Fuu’s empathy rekindled Sara’s humanity and allowed her to see a mirror of her lost son in Mugen, thus causing her to spare Mugen’s life, not once, but twice. Link to this part of the video is here.

Sara represents a maternal figure for Mugen. Now, let’s get into it.

Unlike Fuu, Sara is not a character who changed Mugen for the better, or made him see differently on anything. She is not a catalyst for Mugen’s character growth, besides for his first time feeling pity over killing someone. BUT, that doesn’t mean she is not important. She is SUPER important for us viewers.

Sara reveals what kind of person Mugen was already. Before Fuu and Jin.

Because of their dialogue, and also the storyline of episodes 13 and 14, we find out that Mugen is not just this cocky, arrogant, womanizing asshole. He knows of sorrow and suffering due to his upbringing, the betrayals, and stigma attached to his criminal past. Not only that, but we see he believes that no one has ever loved him. Mugen may actually be lonely.

The first convo we see this, is where Mugen sneaks into the hot spring with Sara.

“I have walked in darkness for a long time. But people can grow accustomed to anything. Even if you can’t see, you become able to sense other things. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me.”

“That’s a load of bullshit. Nobody who’s happy could sing that song of yours.”

This reveals that Mugen must feel something from her music; something sorrowful. And to feel sorrow, one must understand it.

After a brief, comical moment of Fuu and Mugen seeing each other naked...and Mugen also saying he didn’t make a move on Sara…(BY STANDING UP TO SHOW FUU HIS PENIS WAS NOT ERECT. LMAO THIS KILLS ME), Mugen then leaves and Fuu talks with Sara.

Sara asks Fuu what Mugen looks like. She has an image of him in her head. Fuu’s response is pretty hilarious. She goes on a whole tangent about how unattractive he is, and how she shouldn’t go with a guy like that.

Sara’s response is ambiguous.

“What?” she says, with an almost eerie seriousness. This “what” is so. Damn. Important.

This can mean two things:

1. She is confused why Fuu goes on a tangent. Like saying “Huh?” Fuu misinterpreted Sara’s reason for wondering what Mugen looked like, as her being interested in Mugen romantically. This clearly isn’t the case. Why would she want to know what Mugen looks like, if her end game is to kill them all? Because she never got to SEE her own son grow up.

2. OR, she is asking why Fuu has the need to go on a tangent. It is clear that Fuu is embarrassed after spouting all these bad things about Mugen almost defensively. If this was the reason why, this connects into three later scenes that she shares with Fuu. The first is when the two are going to sleep. She tells Fuu “One thing I cannot read are people’s feelings.” Then she asks “Which is the one you don’t want to leave?” Fuu gets embarrassed and hides under the blankets (We see Fuu picks Mugen to stay later). The second scene is when she asks Fuu if she really wants to continue the journey to the end. The third...is when Sara goes to kill Mugen...and stops because Fuu begs for his life. She realizes in these three scenes...why Fuu goes on that tangent…

Fuu does not answer Sara’s “what” and just mumbles, and hides her mouth in the water, blowing bubbles. Fuu later stomps to Mugen’s room, opens the doors, and with a blush on her face, apologizes to Mugen. This confuses him.

Fuu apologized for two potential reasons.

1. She is sorry for calling Mugen ugly. Because he is not.

2. She is sorry for assuming Mugen made a move on Sara, when he did not.

Hmm….

As for Fuu and Sara’s conversations, there is a moment where Fuu asks Sara if she has a son or a daughter. Sara had a son. Had she had a daughter, she would most likely have more connection to Fuu, especially since Fuu was separated from her father and also was raised by her mother until she passed away. Instead, they chose to write Sara being separated from her son, to have more a connection to Mugen.

Now then, more on Mugen and Sara’s convos:

“I wonder if my son would like this.”

“Beats me. As far back as I can remember, I never had any parents. I wouldn’t know.”

Mugen and Sara have deep conversations, yes. But they are never happy or lighthearted ones. Every meaningful conversation the two ever have is pertaining to the same concepts: sadness, his parents, and her child. Or all in one.

“You and I may be a lot alike. I never knew the meaning of the word happiness. The closest I came was when my son was born.” This reveals something about Sara, along with her other line: “It’s as if you have never once been loved. It’s as if you are like me.”

Sara was not loved by the father of her child. Sara had never known happiness, even when she met the father of her child. Sara is implied to have been raped.

In fact, I am positive that this is the case.

According to the Roman Album of Samurai Champloo, the episodes about Sara the goze are inspired by Zatoichi, the infamous blind swordsman of Japanese filmography. Well, after Samurai Champloo, a movie was made in 2008 called Ichi, telling the story of a blind woman taken in and raised BY Zatoichi. Guess what. She was a goze musician. Also, guess what. She was a trained assassin.

Icing on the cake? Ichi was raped, and was kicked out of her goze household as a result. Goze must never marry and remain celibate if they continue performing for charity. The reason behind this, if they have lovers or husbands, they must be getting financial support and no longer needed charity. Of course, women throughout history were obviously raped but that was no excuse.

Remember when Fuu asked where the father was? Sara’s only response was  “The father is no longer around.” And she smiles.

In Ichi, her rapist tries to attack her again, and she ends up killing him with a hidden blade HIDDEN IN HER CANE. YES. CANE.

Ichi had to be inspired by Sara. This then goes back to the idea, that Sara’s son was a result of rape.

Now as for a more personal fan theory about this: Mugen may also be the result of rape. Mugen was born on a penal colony in the Ryukyuan Islands, and as far back as he can remember, he had no parents. Neither a mother or a father. According to Koza, this place was a living hell. If the people on the island were Japanese criminals exiled there, aside from the native Ryukyuans...and Mugen was born there, it is a high possibility Mugen’s mother was raped by a criminal.

Rape seems to be a theme in episode 13 and 14. Mukuro killed Koza’s mother for unknown reasons. And despite the claim that he is her “brother”, Fuu points out they look nothing alike. There is also a clearly sexual scene where Mukuro rubs his thumb along Koza’s lips as she stares in fear. She also tells Fuu she “wishes her brother were dead”. Then, Mukuro sells Koza off to Shige to be raped in exchange for the help to raid the gold from the ship. He did not know that Koza actually wanted to be with Shige and betrayed him. So yes, rape must have been a part of Ryukyuan life if it was so clearly tied to Koza.

If this is the case of Mugen’s mother, then that shows yet another sign of Sara being a parallel.

But regardless of rape theory, Mugen was separated from his mother for some reason or another just as Sara was separated from her child.

Fuu picks Jin to leave with Sara so she may see her son. Watch this scene here.

“Why him and not me?!” Mugen yells.

“It’d be too dangerous being alone with a guy like you.”

Um. Fuu. Fuu honey. You will be alone with him then...

“And she’s safe with this bozo?!”

“Jin would never do something like that!”

Notice his shock at that declaration, and then how he closes his mouth, and shuts up as she speaks. Mugen seems upset that she supposedly sees him as a bad guy taking advantage of Sara, rather than Jin. He makes no further argument about leaving with Sara.

We know Fuu is lying. She doesn’t send keep Mugen due to him being a pervert. Earlier, Sara asked who she didn’t want to leave. And Fuu broke down in tears about it, and ran away. Obviously, she cares about both Jin and Mugen, but she inevitably chooses Jin to go, using Mugen’s pervertedness as an excuse. She didn't want Jin to leave either, but the moment she cries over his departure is more comical in nature.

Notice how Mugen parts ways with Jin and Sara. Parts. Ways.

See, Jin is suspicious of Sara and that’s why he left so willingly. Mugen and Fuu were not. Mugen had no idea if he’d see Jin again. The fact that he was WILLING to leave not only Sara, but JIN, to help Fuu find the sunflower samurai speaks volumes of his relationship with Fuu.

So if you think he had feelings for Sara, or if you think Sara interferes with the fuugen ship...please remember this detail. Mugen obeyed Fuu, and was willing to say goodbye to Jin and Sara to travel all the way passed Nagasaki with Fuu alone. And when Fuu cries over Jin, he gets annoyed, stomps away and continues ahead of her. So he is serious about fulfilling his duty.

When Mugen and Fuu take Sara back to the shack for recovery, something is off about Mugen. He stays a far distance from Sara, and then runs off to find Jin, despite Fuu’s worried protest. Honestly, this is a really cute moment of Mugen; how he obviously cares a lot about Jin’s safety and searches until sunset for his body (excuse is, he wants to be the one to kill him). Instead, he finds Sara’s weapons...and figures it all out.

At the first moment of him realizing Sara “killed” Jin, he had no hesitancy in going to kill her. I am sure he felt betrayed when he kicked the firewood, but I think that Mugen was far angrier that Jin was “dead”. These two are best frenemies. Mugen going to avenge Jin is also a mirror of Jin going to avenge Mugen by killing Mukuro in episode 14. Later on, even after Jin is alive, he is still willing to fight her again to protect himself, as well as Fuu and Jin.

Imo, the craziest moment in the story was when Fuu saw them fighting. Sara’s wording summed up everything.

Sara almost kills Mugen, and then says this line: “I can see without seeing. Powerful rage swirls within you. I cannot tell whether or not it is sadness. It is as if you have never once been loved… It’s as if, you are like me.”

But then Fuu jumps on top of him after he collapses, throwing her life in the way to prevent Sara from killing him. Sara actually gasps here, eyes widening. She is surprised. She was wrong. Mugen’s face in this scene also looks surprised. He too did not expect anyone to care about him that much, that they would throw their life in the way. Mugen does have someone who loves him. It can’t be more blatant than that. Sara. Just. Said. Love. And then Fuu did that.

For that reason, Sara turns away, even though her orders were very clear to kill them all. And she does end up coming back to fight Mugen again. Why she stopped here is very obvious, then. She couldn’t bring herself to kill Fuu or Mugen here, after such a huge act of sacrifice.

Reminder: Fuu never did anything like this for Jin.

When Sara takes pity on him, and leaves, Mugen is still angry despite his condition and still wants to fight her.

After this, we get to see Fuu apply a salve to Mugen’s face. Then another scene where she tries to talk him out of fighting her.

Later, when Mugen goes to kill Sara...Fuu wakes up, looking for Mugen and says his name.

Was Mugen bothered by Sara’s death? Yes. It is the only person that we see Mugen regrets killing. They were different though. Mugen loved battle. Sara saw only sorrow from it. Him being pissed off about her death, was not the fact that she died. It was the manner of how she died. Mugen had every intention to kill her, or die trying. He even seemed excited about it, just as he was excited to fight Jin.

The fact that she held back...and also...her reasoning for wanting to kill him was never for the joy of fighting. It was solely for her son, which in the end, was a futile effort.

His eyes in this scene are extremely soft when she mentions her son. Mugen empathized with her, and also pitied her. And that shows a lot about Mugen. She says that no one can escape the government no matter how far they may run. Even him, Fuu and Jin are still wanted.

Sara’s last words to Mugen relate to him being like a son she was never allowed to have.

“I figured it out today...my son died a long time ago. I was just being used.”

“Then why…?”

“I can’t fight them. They’re the government.”

“I want you to live, Mugen.”

Mugen must live on. By holding back, and allowing him to kill her, Sara, in her own way, saved Mugen’s life. She was unable to save her son, and this was the only way she was able to redeem herself.

Sara had conversations with Mugen about her child. And Sara had conversations with Fuu about Mugen. “I can’t sense people’s feelings.”  “Which one don’t you want to leave?”

These episode featured lots and lots of scenes of Mugen and Fuu together. Jin barely interacted with them and had less screentime, most of which was separated from them; fighting Sara, and being trained to fish by Jonny.

This episode was about Mugen’s past way of life, and Fuu’s feelings for Mugen saving him from a life of sorrow.

Sara let Mugen live, solely because she saw that he deserved to live in place of her own miserable existence. A life worth living. Mugen was not like her anymore. He found happiness. He found people who care about him. He found someone willing to die for him.

One last thing: The repeated symbolism of a pinwheel is used throughout Sara’s episodes.

From what I can gather, a pinwheel seems to represent childhood innocence. Numerous anime use it this way: The Hakkenden has an image of a pinwheel torn apart when the virgin princess is forced to marry a dog, to fulfill the bargain of whoever killed her father’s enemy. (This sounds awful, but anime explains it). Cowboy Bebop has Ed find a pinwheel in her orphanage, and then she hands it to Spike. Cowboy Bebop’s director is the same as Samurai Champloo too so it clearly has the same symbolism.

First, Fuu sees one when a child is being carried on a woman’s back… Later, at the festival, the assassin is selling pinwheels. Lastly, when Sara realizes her son is dead, a pinwheel flies off into the wind.

There is one other appearance of a pinwheel in Samurai Champloo. In episode one, Mugen flicks a pinwheel outside of Fuu’s restaurant, right before he meets her for the first time.

The colors are very similar too.

Coincidence? I think not.

While the pinwheel flick could have been a simple start of a journey, it was also Mugen meeting the most innocent woman in his life. One who did not betray him, and showed him more empathy than anyone else.

And the same color pinwheel in episode 20, may symbolize Mugen is the son figure for Sara, after losing her own.

Perhaps this will help you see a new outlook of Mugen’s relationship to Sara.

[parniarazi]

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A few days into the fresh energy of the new year, I’m still processing a lot from 2019 because it was a huge year for me. I think it’s a big missed opportunity for self-growth if you don’t take some time to reflect on your year, what it taught you, how it shaped you, and what your goals are moving into a new year. Resolutions can be cheesy and cheap, but serious self-reflection and actions towards your goals are what will move you forward.

In 2019, I got to experience a lot of things I love. I photographed one of my favorite artists, I went to 6 music festivals (including my first SXSW and EDCLV), I traveled to Vegas, Italy, Germany, France, Colorado, and Mexico (not to mention a few weekends away in the lovely Austin, Texas). I connected with many different people this year, a few of whom have stuck around to be good friends. I graduated college surrounded by the support of my amazing family, started my first semester of grad school and my first real job, and I fell even more in love with Pavel after we made the decision to move in together.

Whew. Talk about self-growth. Years like this that are filled with change are definitely among the most difficult ones I remember, but getting older is cool sometimes because I recall other similar times when I felt challenged, pushed, and even frustrated, but then ended up getting through it and life being way better on the other side. For example, when I first moved to Houston in 2016. Another similarly big transition year, 2019 didn’t come without its struggles, but those have been incredible learning moments and just as important as my highs. 

Overall though, growing up is hard. I think this is something I say often, but I really feel that in my soul. Sometimes I feel like I have a grip on adulthood, I’m now financing larger trips and travel plans for Pavel and I, I’m seeing more of the world, I’m less afraid of doing adult things alone and less afraid of the unknown general. At the same time though, so much of my identity is rooted in my youth. Young, wild, and free, you know? Nothing is better. So in many ways, feeling this slip away from me year by year as I get older and have to handle more and more of my own responsibilities really sucks. Not being able to be as carefree or have as much free time can be a challenge that comes with adulthood, but fortunately having the level of self-awareness I’ve developed, I’m also realizing that I don’t actually have to buy into that narrative anymore. Can I be a fully responsible, independent adult and still create time for myself and give myself breaks to play, dance, and rest? Absolutely. Can I be a smart, professional, respectable person while still being funny and quirky and myself? Hell yeah. Getting settled into adulthood by moving out and going through all these changes I did this year has helped me realize that my life is really my own to shape and create however I want. I’ve learned that no matter what advice others give me or see fit for me, the decisions are mine to make at the end of the day and I’m the one who has to live my life every day. As the indecisive libra I am, this was hard at first but I can literally feel myself growing into my power and that feels fucking amazing. 

Major shifts also happened in my academic/professional life that were extremely difficult to go through, but I have a feeling were a huge plunge in the right direction for me. For most of undergrad (which was only 3 years), I was committed to staying in academia to get my Ph.D. in political science and then working as a professor. This was mainly for 3 reasons — I was always good at school so I thought putting off finding a job to stay in school longer would be an easy solution, I wanted to stay in an area I excelled in and felt comfortable in, and I didn’t explore my other interests/options enough at the time. I also couldn’t see myself dressing in business clothes, working in an office or corporate-type job. Essentially, I settled for something I thought would be more comfortable, but it turned out my undergrad program had not challenged me or prepared me for this grad program at all. Instead of being comfortable, I was thrown to the wolves in classes and material I was completely unprepared for and not even interested in. Not to mention, I felt incredibly alone and isolated from my classmates because many of them were older, already had a Master’s degree, and their lives revolved completely around the department because most of them worked as TAs while being full-time students. Meanwhile, I was working outside of academics, wanted to maintain my personal life and hobbies, and simply could not keep up with the pace and demands of the program. Nor did I want to, because seeing both the Ph.D. student and professor life up and close as a grad student made me realize that’s not the life I want as a professional. Academia can be incredibly stifling of new ideas, very bureaucratic, and has cookie-cutter ways to ‘making it’ in your given field. I learned that it is not an environment where my skills and personality would flourish, and I deserve better than that. I realized it’s unfair to both myself and the people who could benefit from my skills to force myself to fit into a box I simply don’t fit into.

That doesn’t go to say I have it all figured out now because I surely don’t. In fact, I’m on a whole new journey of finding jobs and fields I’m interested in, then gaining the right experiences and connections to get those jobs. Fortunately, I saved my grad school career by advocating for myself. Last semester, I immediately realized I hated the poli sci program, started exploring other related degree options, dropped my most difficult class after midterms, and then pushed and begged my advisors to actually do something to help me do something about my situation. After exploring and talking to people a bit, I realized my skillset would be a lot more applicable for something in Communications, like Public Relations or Mass Communications. I’ve always had a mind for communication, media, and relating to others as a deep empath. With broad applications in the world, I also realized this is a degree that I can make, not one that makes me. I can apply it and use it to do anything I'm interested in — from entertainment PR and marketing, to journalism and writing, to leadership and team management. My advisors were able to transfer me into the Communications MA for this spring, even though technically I would have had to apply and start in the fall. An important consideration about leaving political science was that they had given me a full scholarship covering my tuition, but since I’ve transferred I’ll now have to figure out paying for this semester myself and then finding scholarships or other ways to pay for the next 2 years (because I’ve made it this far and I refuse to have student loans). I’m so glad I didn’t let the money stop me because I would have lost that scholarship anyway since I dropped a class and didn’t get the most impressive grades, plus no scholarship is worth suffering in something you don’t want to be in and that won’t get you where you want to be.

Aside from the whirlwind that was this last semester, I am incredibly proud of myself for getting through all these crazy changes and still managing to be my joyful and best self (at least most of the time). I had my days where I cried hard after school and work, and some dark weeks this semester, but I made still doing things that make me happy a priority. Yoga, music, travel, going to festivals, going out with friends, seeing my family, and just slowing down for self-care. Finding familiarity and comfort in these things that bring me joy, combined with support from Pavel, are what got me through my hardest times this semester. Now I feel more settled into my new life being moved out, I feel more confident and powerful because I made my own decisions, and I feel excited about this new journey and the fulfillment and abundance this new path will bring me. 

Speaking of Pavel, it’s actually unreal how seamless and perfect moving in with him has been. Of course, we are immensely privileged because we aren’t dealing with rent, bills, or even cleaning much. But nonetheless, we’ve dealt with challenging times together but just going to bed together and waking up together makes life better. He’s my best friend in every way, living with him and sharing a space together is so magical and beautiful. I feel so safe, welcomed, and open to create the space and life I want here. I feel so cared for, valued, and loved with Pavel. We work so well together, it feels effortless and deliciously perfect. He grounds me, and this space has become home so quickly because of the way he makes me feel here. Moving out has taught me so much, helped me start overcoming a lot of fear and anxiety, and just allowed me to blossom more into myself. I will be forever grateful for Pavel helping make that happen with me at this point in our lives where it was so perfectly needed. I respect and love him endlessly for being the mature, intelligent, caring, patient partner that I need in my life. 

2019 was also a year of letting go of a lot of friendships, people, and energies that no longer serve me. I realized that I am a wonderful friend who is ready to give support, love, guidance, hugs, and my whole heart to someone who is willing to give all of that back and who is deserving of receiving that from me. Even though I’m in a healthy and happy long-term relationship, I still feel myself holding space in my heart for deep friendships and connections with other people (specifically with women/feminine energy), but I haven’t been able to fill that space since moving to Texas. I miss the friendships I grew up having, and I put a lot of pressure on filling that space for a while, but I realizing forcing it gets me nowhere and a lot of people simply aren’t in a place to be able to reciprocate my energy in a meaningful way. A lot of people are really caught up in their own lives (which is totally understandable), already have other people filling the space for friendship in their lives, or simply aren’t at the level of maturity and growth that I am so they can’t connect with me on a deep level. Making close friends as an adult is way harder, people are just busier, but I really do trust that I will attract the right people and they will come into my life at the right time.

Continuing to expand and grow into my spirituality and spiritual practices by meditating, journaling, listening to podcasts, and practicing yoga has also brought me solace and internal happiness. It’s hard to describe and most people my age/similar to me are really disconnected from having their own authentic beliefs/practices because they either go with what they’re taught or dismiss it altogether. For me, having a career path I find exciting and fulfilling, a stable romantic relationship, healthy friendships, a spiritual practice, and fun hobbies are all areas of my life that I need to satisfy to feel balanced and genuinely happy. Knowing this, and after reflecting on all of these areas within the past year, I’m manifesting the following for each area in 2020, but I also know the Universe knows more than me and things may go differently for a reason (like my poli sci program not working out) so I trust that I will receive this, or something better...

☽ Career — I will get a second job/start a side hustle that will help fund my school and travels this year, I will start learning exciting new things that prepare me for a field/job I’m passionate about, I will secure an internship that pays well and allows me to practice/gain useful skills, I will get scholarships for next school year, I will feel a sense of belonging and make friends in my new program, I will continue learning and exploring different options/opportunities, and I will make connections with people who can mentor me and help me grow into starting my career.  

☽ Relationship — Pavel and I will continue to support, love, and care for each other in all aspects. Our love will continue to grow and flourish as we grow in life together. We will go on adventures that make us feel happy, excited, exhausted and refreshed. We will add to our stories and crazy experiences. We will continue treating each other with love and respect, supporting each others’ growth as individuals while also growing together in a really beautiful way. 

☽ Friendship — I will continue to grow my valuable friendships with people who are on the same wavelength as me. I will have a lot of laughs and good memories with people I care about. I will get deeper into the communities of like-minded people around me (music, yoga). I will find more friends who inspire me and actively support my creative ideas/work. I will develop deeper and more fulfilling friendships with people who reciprocate my energy, and I will extend myself in new ways by being the person I needed for others. 

☽ Spirituality — I will continue practicing meditation and yoga as much as I can. I will also continue to read one book per month and listen to one podcast per week to grow the value in my practice. I will journal and synchronize my self-growth with lunar and astrological cycles, which allows me to tap into my higher power and divine connection with the universe. I will also consider doing a YTT this summer or winter, but regardless I will find outlets to be of assistance to others and give back in this area that has been of such deep value in my life. I will practice breathing, mindfulness, and presence to feel grounded during stressful times. I will get better at protecting my energy and staying rooted in my own positive energy and affirmations (aka, not letting other people’s BS or toxic energy affect me). 

☽ Fun — I will continue going to events that surround me with good energy and good people. I will continue doing what brings me joy, allows me to move and release tension and energy, and that brings me closer with like-minded friends. I will continue to make the incredible trips and experiences I desire a reality by saving money and smart planning. I make more of an effort to bring this good energy with me into my every day by being myself and sharing my laughs and joy with the people around me. I will continue to feed my inner child, my creativity, and my natural human existence on this earth.

I have no doubt that 2020 will continue this amazing momentum and growth that I have cultivated over the past year. I am beyond blissful and grateful for the incredible year I had and all it taught me, but I’m also ready to move forward feeling more prepared, confident, and capable of making everything I can imagine a reality.