#'and just like that the moon was gone' of course is sung over The Scene of the moon with the spaceship lodged in its eye

[regicidal-defenestration]

Gunpowder Tim vs the Moon Kaiser music video but half the shots are just repurposed scenes from the 1902 silent film A Trip To The Moon

[dovenymph]

little lune

authors note: inspired by @soulmemesarc birthday prompts!🥳🎂 also this is unedited sorry for any typos

" no no no! breakfast in bed for the birthday girl/boy/angel! lie down, let me take care of this... "

" so there's this tradition. a law, really. i have to kiss you as many times as your age. so prepare yourself, babe. "

find my masterlist here

word count: 1.9k

you and harrison really didn’t have much in common.

this, you discovered, on your first date. he’d seen you at his neighborhood coffee shop on multiple occasions and prayed each day that you couldn’t see the infatuation building in his eyes, hoping one day soon, he’d’ve built up the courage to finally talk to you.

and you both thank god that that day had come and you spent nearly the entire day tucked away in the corner of the cafe talking about everything and anything.

he loved dogs, liked to consider himself a dog dad, even though the blue-grey staffy he showed you just over one million pictures of, technically belonged to his best friend. you on the other hand, grew up with cats curled up at your feet.

harrison could stay out all night, and did most weekends! very used to having to scrub last nights remnants off his body in the mornings and piecing together the events through blurry instagram stories. whereas, you were much more lowkey. always down for a good time, but couldn’t really stand the feeling of other people’s sweat on you while packed in a crowded club

despite this, the two of you fit together like puzzle pieces. like he was the sun, and you were the moon.

when harrison first brought up the comparison, you laughed and teased him for being such a cliche but when he smiled down and replied with “just for you, my little lune”

your face burned under his palms as he spoke the pet name so adoringly and with so much kindness in his eyes. and in that moment, you both knew that your differences in opinion were trivial and the only thing that mattered was you both bonded over your growing affection.

your face burned under his palms as he spoke the pet name so adoringly and with so much kindness in his eyes. and in that moment, you both knew that your differences in opinion were trivial and the only thing that mattered was you both bonded over your growing affection.

there was one thing you both had in common though and that was sleep.

there was one thing you both had in common though and that was sleep.

you could sleep for hours each, harrison very proudly bragging that his record was 18 hours straight.

whenever you went over to his house, he immediately locked the two of you in his room, receiving many suggestive comments from his roommates about the nature of your activities, but in reality he just locked his arms around you and took you to dreamland with him as the two of you slept the day away.

so it was no surprise that that was the position you both were in right now, the morning of your birthday slipping away like a handful of sand through open fingertips.

soon enough though, the ring of your phone had gone off too many times for you to ignore and you had to wake up and face the multitude of happy birthday calls you were receiving, without a doubt waking your boyfriend in the process.

“mmm, tell them to fuck off” he muttered as your cousin wished you a happy birthday, the phone being passed around to all your relatives.

“can’t babe, m’family’s callin’”

“b-but… we haven’t had a birthday snuggle yet”

the softness in his tone (his teddy bear persona being reserved for your eyes only) practically melted you “almost over, m’love”

five minutes later, the last of your cousins and aunts and uncles had wished you a happy birthday and you hung up, the multiple conversations taking away any last shreds of slumber.

you looked over at haz who had his face smushed into the pillow, his soft, blond hair swept into his face, looking as delicate as ever. his hands involuntarily twitching at the comforter as they called out for yours to intertwine with.

with a smile you cautiously slipped off the bed, but he still awoke anyways, poking his head up like a child. “where ya going?”

“to start the kettle, go back to sleep.”

“no no no!” he whined “breakfast in bed for the birthday girl. lie down, let me take care of this.” he dragged himself out of bed, placed a tender and loving kiss to your forehead before shoving you to the mattress and throwing the covers over your entire body, leaving you nothing but a giggling white sheet.

his heart soared in his chest at the sound as he made his way to your kitchen. he’d only been over your place a few times, your relationship still relatively new. so he tried his best to quietly turn on the kettle and then locate your pots and pans to get started on a birthday breakfast for you.

as he was flipping the pancakes, he started thinking about making a little smile with the strawberries and that brought a little smile to his face.

he barely recognized himself when he was around you. he was so lovesick, so head over heels for you. unlike he’d ever been with any of his previous girlfriends.

your relationship wasn’t in the early stages per-say, he openly called you his girlfriend, and you your boyfriend, but he still felt the need to impress you, he still felt nerves creep in his stomach before every date. the honeymoon stage, as some liked to call it. the comfortability was just around the corner, he was sure of it. but until then, he liked to keep you on your toes.

placing the meal on a tray and walking back to your bedroom, he thought to later tonight and bit his lip. he had planned something for you, something grand. it was a little much for your first birthday spent together, but he only realized that after everything was payed for; but you deserved it. you deserved all the magnificent things life had to offer, and he would fall to his knees in order to be the one to give them to you. so he hoped you would like it.

“happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday my darling, happy birthday to you” he sung as you looked up at him from under the covers.

“thank you, lovie. it looks great.” you smiled and he carefully placed the tray on your lap, crawling up next to you.

“anything for you, lune.” he spoke with a kiss to your lips.

that was how the morning progressed, bites of pancake shared here and there, syrup flavored kisses peppered in between.

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．

haz’s wet chest was pressed against your back in the bath. the room scented vanilla and filled to the brim with bubbles and candlelight.

“what do you want to do later today, haz?”

“anything you like sweetness, you’re the birthday girl.”

“hmm, nothing planned big guy?” you teased, and he splashed a little water on your exposed torso.

“of course i do… but, it’s still your day, you can do whatever you want.” he replied, pressing kisses to your neck.

“whatever i want?”

“mmhmm, have whatever, do whatever… have me do whatever you want… to you” he spoke, voice deep and kisses hard.

your heart rate picked up, sure he could sense it as he pressed his tongue to your pressure point, gasping you consented with “i like the sound of that”

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．

“haz… can you at least slow down???”

“sorry! sorry! it’s not my fault i swear!” he retorted, swerving in and out of his lane.

“yeah well i can’t exactly tell now can i?” you snapped, feeling around the blindfold he insisted you wore

“hey! don’t mess with it! we’re almost there!” harrison looked over at you and worried his bottom lip in nervousness. the location was only down the road and every possibility was running through his head. did he invite enough of your friends? sure you got along with his housemates and coworkers, but he didn’t want you to feel awkward at your own party. was it too much, would you feel too pressured?

he turned into the parking lot and took a deep breath, you were here now, so it was now or never. “can i take it off now?”

“yes, sweetness.”

you yanked it off and immediately looked around, face contorting in confusion.

“cmon, it’s around the corner.” he grabbed your hand and started to make his way.

“i- i hope you like it. if you don’t that’s fine, we can do something else. i swear! no pressure really, this, this is really just an idea. but i thought it seemed fun, so i, yeah, again, i just hope you like it.” he rambled, about to add on another reassurance that you could leave whenever you wanted when your gasp interrupted him.

“woah…” you took in the field before you. fair games, food trucks, rides and even a ferris wheel covered the entire ground. your friends already enjoying the festivities.

“haz this… this is amazing…” your head snapped towards his as you thew yourself into his arms. “th-thank you so much, oh my god!”

harrison knew that if you weren’t anchoring him in that moment, he would’ve floated to heaven. you were so sweet and happy, he was more than elated.

“it’s all for you, babe. let’s go enjoy, yeah?” he said, pride running through his veins at the good job he did.

you found your friends, all giving you bear hugs and dragging you away from harrison to go on rides. he didn’t mind, he got to spend all day with you, and you were too good not to share.

he sat at one of the picnic benches as tom brought over two slices of pizza. “mate, i gotta say, this is fucking awesome”

harrison beamed at him at the compliment. “yeah i know!”

tom laughed and shook his head, “wanna call you a smug div, but honestly, y’should be proud of yourself.”

harrison felt his cheeks warm at his friends words. “thanks mate, i- i’m just glad she likes it.”

tom let out a *whapush* noise, “so whipped.” and harrison just rolled his eyes, but bit back any denials. he was whipped for you. not only did the thousands in pounds he spent for tonight prove it, but the way his heart danced in his chest at the mere though of you, did too.

“yeah, i guess i am” he smirked, meeting tom in a fist bump and beelined towards you.

you felt his arms wrap around your waist from behind as you spoke to your friend, her eyes lighting up at the scene.

“mind if i steal her for a moment?” he asked, giving your friend his best puppy eyes, to which she giggled and shook her head, sending you a wink on her way.

“y’alright, birthday girl?” he muttered, head buried in your neck.

“more than alright. thank you again haz, i really, i really don’t know how i can make this up to you.”

he spun you around in his arms and gave you a passionate kiss, trying to convey all his love through it, hopefully telling you that you didn’t have to make anything up to him, that he’d buy you the earth if it’d make you smile.”

when he pulled away, you stared up at him like he was a figure from your dreams and he thinks you understood him.

“cmon, let’s go on the ferris wheel!”

“lead the way, lune.”

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．

the night sky surrounded you both as you at at the top of the ferris wheel, looking down at the city.

“so…,” harrison began. you hummed in response and he squeezed your clasped hands together.

“so there's this tradition. a law, really. i have to kiss you as many times as your age. so prepare yourself, babe.”

you laughed and scooted impossibly closer to him, “oh yeah?”

“mmhmm! now remember, i don’t make the laws, only enforce them.”

he began to count upwards from one and kiss your lips. some soft and light, others held out and leaving you a little breathless.

“so many kisses tonight, i love it”

“well there’s more where that came from.” he said, “now where was i? oh right, 16…”

[problematicfavesareproblematic]

Our First Defeat

Chapter 1: You’ve Cut Me to the Bone

Uh, oh- guess what time it is? That’s right chicks, dicks, and everyone in betwix(t)....

It’s ‘another series that should’ve just been a straightforward one shot’ time!!!!

This is probably going to be at least a four parter, so buckle up buttercups.

Warnings: Smut, infidelity, oral, cum play, longing, ANGST, Lewis being a shitty husband to Katherine, run-on sentences, feels, probably OOC Nixy-poo, childhood f2l mention, mentions of prom sex so underage I guess(?), potty words, rich people parties, reader is tipsy when they boink but so is Nix and it’s pre-established desire so idk man

Special thanks to @sunsetmando​ for being my constant idea sounding board and cheerleader and to @liebgotttme​ and @mrsalwayswrite​ for their unfalteringly supportive praise despite my constant self-inflicted shit talking!

Title and chapter names will come from the first defeat by noah gundereson

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Say what you wanted to about Doris and Stan Nixon, but they sure threw one hell of a party.

 Waiters in sharp suits, sparkling crystal glasses filled with golden champagne, marble floors polished to a near reflective shine- nothing but the very best for the engagement party for Mrs. Nixon’s baby boy.

If your heart hadn’t already become calloused from heartbreak, you probably would burst into tears.

You’d known the Nixons all of your life, and with Nixon being a year and a half your senior and his younger sister being three years your junior, the three of you had little choice to become anything other than close. Even when Lewis had grown old enough to get sick of girls and their games of dress up and make-believe, you and he still managed to get along.

 You were both the oldest children in your families, and for a while you had also attended the same advanced reading course offered by your private elementary school’s librarian. Your shared love of books had bonded you nearly as much as your shared birth orders, and it wasn’t uncommon for your parents to find you both nose deep in one of your father’s large tomes of mythology.

 It surprised no one that the two of you became close as you got older. 

What did strike both of your families as odd was just how close you two stayed- especially when you both started attending your respective boy’s and girl’s boarding schools. You’d been each other’s penpals, school dance dates, and summer trip companions.

 After your Junior prom, you’d lost your virginities to each other after polishing off two bottles of lethally strong port wine. Nixon, sex-drunk and just plain old drunk-drunk, had insisted that he’d done ‘other things’ with girls- that he wasn’t really a virgin but he’d yet to actually do the act. 

As if he was worried that you’d make fun of him.

 As if you’d think less of him for it.

 Of course, things had changed once college came around.

He became busy with his studies, and you had thrown yourself into attaining your nursing credentials. He’d gotten a fair share of girlfriends and you’d had a few relationships of your own.

 When your families would get together for holidays and birthdays, the two of you would inevitably sneak off and fuck until one of you decided that someone was going to notice your absences.

 Then, after rejoining everyone else for an appropriately deemed amount of time, you’d rush off again to repeat the cycle. Sex with Lewis was everything you’d been told you shouldn't want- hard and desperate and just left of dirty but God did you love it. You loved the way your bodies fit together, the way his breath felt on your neck as he held onto you so tightly that you thought he might leave bruises. The way he kissed you as if he were drinking the air from your lungs, like he needed your lips in order to breathe, to live.

 More than anything, you loved the ease that existed between you two- the way you both helped the other redress and how he would take your face in his hands and call you sweet things as he gave you languid kisses before giving you a wicked grin and guiding you both back to the party.

 It wasn’t ideal, and more often than not you’d feel hollow again after a few days, but your trysts with Lew were the closest thing you had to a consistent relationship.

 When Pearl Harbor happened, you’d made the decision to enlist as a field nurse. Nixon had begun to attend an Officer’s school, so you’d already started to resign yourself to the fact that this fling of yours could never be anything more than just that, a fling. Apparently he had, too.

 You’d felt like you had been punched in the stomach when you heard about Katherine.

 He hadn’t even told you that he was seriously seeing someone, let alone considering marrying anyone.

It had hurt more than you wanted to admit.

How you managed to keep a straight face when his mother proudly told you and your mother about the engagement, you’ll never know.

 All you did know was that he’d made a choice, and it wasn’t you.

And you had to get over it.

 Even so, it had still taken both your mother and your father to convince you to come to this party tonight. Your brother and sister had been allowed to stay home- they were still considered too young to attend such frivolous events. 

Lucky bastards.

 But you’d let your mother dress you in a velvet gown of indigo-violet decorated with rhinestones across the bodice and sleeves, allowed your younger sister to braid your hair in a halo around your head (despite your mother’s plea for you to wear it in a more fashionable and mature style) and even gotten a grumble of a compliment from your sulking teenage brother and greeted the Nixon’s with the same amount of warmth you always had.

 If nothing else, finishing school had taught you well when it came to hiding your true feelings.

 Katherine was the most beautiful woman you’d ever seen, her hair shiny and her skin perfect and her body curvy and tight in all the right places. Her sky blue dress draped across her form perfectly, as if it had been made for her.

Her hands were graceful and delicate- the perfect canvas for the huge diamond ring Nix had bestowed upon her.

 To make matters worse? You liked her.

She was smart and well-spoken, with a habit of interrupting someone mid-sentence but that wasn’t enough to make you dislike her.

 “Lew’s sung your praises for years,” Katherine had smiled smally after you’d introduced yourself to her. “it’s wonderful to finally put a face to the name….”

“It’s all lies, most likely,” you assured with a grin, a sudden realization hitting you. “Speaking of Little Lew—”

Katherine rolls her eyes and offers a conspiratory whisper.

“Pretty sure he’s stress smoking somewhere upstairs. I’ve been trying to get him to quit—”

You snort at that. “Then you are far braver than most, and you have my respect.”

 You look over your shoulder, frowning as you took in the scene.

Turning back to Katherine, you give her a nod.

“I’ll hurry him along,” you murmur softly. “Drag him down by the ear if I’ve got to—”

“Consider my respect earned in kind, then.”

Sharing a smile, you politely excuse yourself and slip away up the stairs.

 You had a feeling that you knew exactly where Nix was hiding.

~

The formal library was dark wood and warm leather, with deep seats and cigar smoke stained books that sat on shelves so high that even the tallest man needed to utilize the built-in ladder to reach the top.

As children, you and Lewis had spent countless hours reading of far-away lands and exotic adventures, darting back and forth between whatever book you’d decided on and the grand globe by the window to trace your fingers over countries neither of you would probably ever actually visit.

This room held your sweetest memories, as well as some of your racier ones.

 Finding Lewis in here was only fitting.

 He looked unbearably handsome- sat on the windowsill with the wind fluttering his hair across his forehead while the moon lit up his profile and made him look like some exquisite marble statue.

The cigarette between his lips reminded you of all the times he’d smoke after fucking you, the way he’d exhale the smoke into your parted lips before kissing you so deeply your toes would curl.

 “I could get used to this,” he’d said, after one of your last trysts.

“What, smoking yourself to death in your dad’s library?”

He’d shot you a glare before attacking your neck with kisses that left you giggling from how they tickled your skin.

“No, Smartass,” Lewis said as he nudged your nose with his, a lazy smile clear on his face when he lifted his head away from you enough to meet your eyes. “This, with you. Not having to rush off before your mom comes looking for you. It’s nice….”

 That felt like a lifetime ago.

 “If you frown at the moon any longer,” you call out, smirking at the way he startles before realizing it’s just you. “You’re gonna get a wrinkle before all the wedding photos.”

 He shoots you a look, shaking his head before turning to stub out the cigarette in the silver ashtray.

“Not even gonna lull me into a false sense of security before giving me shit, huh?”

With a practiced ease, he gently slides the window back into place and locks it, fanning the lingering wafts of smoke from around his face before turning to fully face you.

 A familiar smile crosses his face that has you rolling your eyes.

“Well, I’ve gotta get all I can out of my system- now that you’ve gone and replaced me.”

 With another withering look, Lew comes up and kisses your cheek before wrapping an arm around your shoulders and another around your waist to lower you into a dipped hug.

 “Hey now,” he grumbles into the shell of your ear, his breath tickling your neck and causing you to shiver. “I think you’re underestimating your talents if you think anyone can fling smartass comments my way better than you- oh!”

 Twisting you back up so you’re both standing, he pushes the door to the library closed to get to the bookshelf behind it. 

 With curiosity, you watch him pull a book from the shelf and present it to you with a flourish.

“A gift for you, my lady.”

 Rolling your eyes, you take the book in your hands and peer at the cover.

 You recognize the title immediately as a Poirot mystery, a grin breaking across your lips as you realize it’s one of your favorites- a collection of short stories featuring the Belgian detective and Captain Hastings.

 As you open the book, you suck in a breath when you see the scrawl of Agatha Christie’s signature across the title page, and upon further inspection, you realize it’s a first edition.

 “Holy shit, Lew…” you whisper, running your fingertip across the indents in the paper her heavy-handed scrawl. “Where’d this come from? How’d you know….?”

 Looking up at Lewis again, you are slightly embarrassed by the amused expression on his face, deciding to look back down rather than acknowledge how clearly he was watching your reaction.

 “Well,” he begins, stepping behind you to squeeze your shoulders. “It came from a bookshop, believe it or not—”

 “Lewis—”

 “And as for the how….Blanche told me in one of her letters.”

 That gives you pause again- the reminder that you and he hadn’t written anything to each other in quite some time.

 Clearing your throat, you set the book down on one of the desks and bring a hand up to rest over one of his. “That’s very…..thank you.”

 You feel him press a quick peck to the crown on your head, something you were fine with until you left the pressure of his lips lingering there.

 “I hope, uh…hoped you’d also take it as a sort of, er- peace offering, of sorts….”

 You feel your shoulders tense at that. The blood in your veins suddenly feels cold and dead.

You’d hoped he wouldn’t do anything like this- wouldn’t bring any of this up.

 “I’m sure I don't know what you’re talking about—”

“Yes you do.”

 Sucking in a sharp breath through your nose, you turn around to face him. 

 “There’s nothing to offer peace for,” it’s taking more effort than you like to keep your voice even. “What you do with your life is none of my business.”

 “It doesn’t change the fact that you should’ve heard about it from me,” he says quietly, and as his breath fans across your face you can pick up the sweet bite of whiskey beneath the smell of cigarette smoke. “That was….I should’ve been the one to tell you—”

 “I don’t see why you felt you had to.” You give him a tight smile, working hard to keep yourself from scowling. “It’s not like we made any promises to each other….which I thought was the whole appeal of me, if I’m being honest.”

 Lewis brings his hands up to brush against your jaw, the unexpectedly soft touch making you shudder before you can stop yourself

 “You’ve got to have known that I’ve been in love with you since we were kids, Y/N—”

 “Don’t say that,” you hiss under your breath, biting the insides of your lip and shaking your head. “That’s unfair, you can’t do this- it’s wildly unfair to Katherine, it’s not fair to me—”

 Lewis scoffed at that, a rueful smirk twisting his face as he let his eyes trail down your face.

 “‘Unfair’....what’s unfair is asking me to go down there and pretend like everything’s hunky-dory when you’re here, looking like everything I’ve ever wanted in my goddamned life and expecting me to act like I wasn’t wishing you were on my arm instead—”

 “Jesus Christ, Lewis, that’s enough—” you cross your arms across your chest as you step back out of his touch and turn to look at the wall of books. “What’s the matter with you? I’ve always known you could be an asshole, but this is cruel, even for you—”

 “How am I being an asshole?” he snaps, taking your shoulders and turning you back to face him, his frown deep and imploring. “Because I’m being honest? Huh? ‘Cause I’m telling you the truth—?”

 “Because you’re telling me the truth now!” you say venomously, letting your own face morph into a scowl. “Tonight, the fucking night where we’re all here to celebrate you and Katherine getting married! You can’t just expect me to not respect that—”

 “What if I told you I didn’t even want to marry her—?”

“Lower your voice!”

 You don’t realize how close you’ve gotten to each other until you accidentally scuff your toes against the side of his polished shoe, something that shocks you out of your anger like a cold splash of water.

 His cheeks are rosy with both drink and frustration, and you’re pretty sure that your face is flushed as well. Closing your eyes, you sigh and hang your head.

 “If you didn’t want this,” you say a bit more calmly. “Then why did you ask her in the first place?”

 You startle slightly at the feeling of him taking your hand, opening your eyes to watch him bring it to his clean-shaven cheek and hold it there. His eyes look tired, sad almost.

 “Because I’m being shipped out soon,” he sighs heavily, twisting his head enough to press a kiss to your palm as the air whooshes out of your lungs in a pained sigh. “Because it’s what’s expected of me.”

Meeting your hesitant gaze, he offers a sad little smile and a shrug.

“Because it couldn’t be you, I didn’t really care who it was—” 

 Quickly, you take back control of the hand he’s holding and put your fingertips gently over his lips, your throat feeling tight at the admission.

“Don’t,” you whisper shakily. “Don’t finish that sentence….”

 Taking your hand again, he moves it away from his mouth.

 “Why not?” he says back just as quietly, eyes scanning your face. “Am I being an asshole?”

 You shake your head, chest tightening as you take in his confession. “You’re breaking my heart all over again.”

 He nods, his jaw clenching as he studies you. “I keep doing that, don’t I?”

 When you don’t show any sign of amusement at his comment, he encourages you to wrap an arm around his neck as he pulls you into another borderline inappropriate embrace. A hug that was better suited for two lovers rather than two friends grieving a future that was entirely hypothetical.

 His lips press to the side of your throat, inhaling the smell of your skin deeply and slowly.

“I don’t mean to,” he whispers, splaying his large hand across the small of your back. “I really want you to know that.”

 You stay silent, focusing all of your energy into not crying.

 Even if he had asked you to marry him, you would’ve had to say no.

Married women were unwelcome in all branches of military nursing- and you had worked too hard to ever consider giving that dream up.

Not even for Lewis Nixon….although you probably would’ve thought about it harder.

 “I sometimes wish we’d never kissed,” you say with emotion in your voice, letting him hold you even closer at your hushed admission. “I wish I didn’t care about you, then we wouldn’t have to be like this…”

 “I don’t,” he mumbled against your skin. “I wouldn’t take any of this back- even if I could.”

 You shake your head sadly as you bring your other arm around his shoulders to more fully embrace him.

“That’s because you’re a masochist almost as much as you are a sadist—”

 He groans at that, taking his face from your neck to press his cheek against yours.

“I knew getting you those Freud books was a mistake….”

 This time you allow yourself to sigh a laugh. “Only because they seem to hit the nail on the head when it comes to explaining why you are how you are.”

 “An asshole?”

 “Yeah, Lew.” you gently break free of his embrace and smooth your hands down the front of his tuxedo- straightening his bowtie on the way. “Now you’re getting it.”

 He looks as if he’s going to say something else, but you force a smile on your face and shake your head.

“C’mon, Mr. Nixon,” you say with a nod. “Your public awaits you. Best not keep them waiting.”

 “Y/N—” He calls as you turn on your heel and walk to open the door.

 “I’ll see you down there, Lewis.”

 With that admonishing reminder, you open the door and hurry to find the restroom in order to collect yourself.

Dinner was going to be hell.

~

Of course, Doris sat you beside where Lewis was seated in the middle of the table- Katherine on his left and you on his right.

 “Surrounded by his favorite girls,” Mrs. Nixon had cooed, standing behind Lewis’s chair and squeezing his shoulders excitedly. “What a lucky man you are….”

 They had only just served the soup and already you wanted to crawl out of your skin.

The only things that saved you were wine and the endless stream of one-sided conversation from Katherine’s young cousin Marcus, who sat to your right.

 He couldn’t have been more than sixteen- eyes wide and battle-hungry as he prattled on about the training courses he planned on enrolling in so that he could go to Japan and take revenge for the lives lost during Pearl Harbor. It served as a good distraction from the feeling of Lew’s eyes on your profile, silently begging you to turn and look at him.

 You didn’t give in.

 Marcus’s heart was in the right place, and it wasn’t his fault that you were trying to drown your distress in the sea of white wine you were creating inside of your belly. 

But you had the feeling that if you had to listen to any more talk of what his brother had told him about the Navy and how prestigious their ships were, you were going to smack your head against the table until you passed out.

 The only person who seemed to pick up on your distress was Lewis, and right now you were pretty committed to ignoring his attempts of conversation- hoping that by doing so you were strong-arming him into actually talking to Katherine, who was being so charming and well mannered that you felt like you were suffocating.

 As you brought your fourth glass of wine to your lips, Lew decided to speak rather than just look.

 “Think maybe you should slow down, Y/N?” Lewis says it quietly enough that only you and Katherine can hear him, and when you turn to face him you catch the sight of the other woman suppressing a chuckle into her glass of sparkling water. 

A drop of resentment stains your previously high regard for her- her slight amusement being amplified to condescension in your current bitter state.

 “Don’t worry ‘bout me, Little Lewie,” you say with a light slur in your voice- one that only those who truly knew you would be able to detect. 

As a child, you’d had a slight speech impediment that you’d grown out of with proper training and practice. It was only when you were overly tired or when you drank that it slipped back into your speech.

You could feel that now, its presence heavy on your tongue.

“Just gettin’ it outta my system while I’ve still got the chance……”

 When you're able to find his eyes with your own, you see the concern shining in them and suddenly feel like you want to cry. 

 You can’t help but think that this could’ve been yours- your engagement party, your future.

You’d say that the ring on Katherine’s finger could’ve been yours as well, but if you were being honest you found it too gaudy and flashy for your taste.

Lewis probably would’ve known that, too….would’ve chosen something significantly smaller and much more simple to present to you while down on one knee.

 But he’s not mine, should’ve stopped thinking of him as mine a long time ago.

 Without another word to him you slid your chair back from the table and stood, nodding appreciatively to the butler who instantly appeared to scoot the chair back into place.

Your mother, who was sitting closer to the door, gave you a worried look as you made to walk past her, silently asking if you were alright.

 With a smile that didn’t reach your eyes, you gently placed your hand on her shoulder in false reassurement that you were just fine. You mouth the word ‘bathroom’, as you passed her and exited the dining room.

 How you managed not to run up the staircase in search of somewhere you could let your mask of contentment fall away, you have no idea.

But you did. Your finishing school teachers would’ve been proud.

 Rushing through the library you knew better than the back of your hand, you quickly found the small, slightly hidden room behind a sculpture that held all the wealth of paper and writing supplies.

 The door barely shuts behind you before you suck in a shaking breath, face hot with tears you were refusing to shed. Each exhale sounds as if it’s being punched out of you, hands reaching out into the dark to feel for the wall so you can find the small footstool to sit upon.

 You were right, you couldn’t do this.

 It was too much, despite how desperately you’d tried to callous over the raw part of your heart that still ached for him. Resting your head in your hands, you try to slow your breathing, to muffle to sobs begging to be freed from your chest.

 The sound of the door clicking open has you shooting to your feet in surprise, the wine in your blood making itself known as you teeter slightly and you have to brace your hand against the wall to steady yourself.

The snap of the light being turned on makes you squint at the sudden brightness, the sight of Lewis breathing heavily as he leans against the door to close it behind him making your heart race even faster.

 “You shouldn’t-” you have to sniff quickly before finishing your admonishment. “You really shouldn’t be here, Lewis.” 

 He nods, his Adam's apple jumping in his throat as he swallows, eyes trailing up and down your body. “I know.”

Even as he says it, Lewis starts walking towards you. “I should go….”

 Your own breathing has become deep and heavy, lips parted to accommodate the sudden desperate need for more air in your lungs.

Mind having failed you, you search for the right words to send him away- to tell him that what’s about to happen is wrong and that you’re just making it harder on yourselves in the long run.

But all you can think as he reaches you, his hands coming up to hold your face with an unmistaken intention, is that you are going to explode if he doesn’t kiss you right now.

 Lucky for you, his thoughts seem to be similarly inclined.

 He kisses you so hard that you think your lips will bruise, his hands pulling your face so desperately close that his eyelashes tickle your cheeks as his eyes squeeze shut.

As you moan somewhere deep in your throat, Lewis opens his mouth to swallow the sound. His hair is soft in your hands, your fingers fisting and pulling at it until he makes a groan of his own.

 You allow yourself to rise up on your toes to make his head tilt back slightly, gasping into his lips when he suddenly uses his grip on your face to pull your mouth back from his.

He licks his bottom lip, whispering your name so you open your eyes and look at him with a heavy-lidded gaze.

 “I-I don’t want to go without one more….” he seems to be at a loss for words, which for Lewis Nixon is truly unusual. But you think you can read his frustrated silence.

Your eyes search his dark ones, uncurling your fists from his roots to bring your thumbs to his forehead and smooth the concerned furrow in his brow.

 “Okay,” you whisper, coming down off of your toes to brush your nose against his. “Then do it.”

 As if your words were a racing gun’s shot, Lewis hungrily kisses you again- backing you up against the wall and clutching at you with carnal desperation.

You lose yourself in his fervor, scratching your nails down the back of his neck just shy of leaving a mark and moving to loosen his bowtie.

 He catches your hands and pins them beside your head, squeezing them in a silent request to keep them there. You nod into the kiss, gasping for breath when he tears his mouth from yours and drops to his knees before you.

Looking down your body at him, you pant lewdly as you watch his hands disappear beneath the skirt of your dress and hurriedly pull your underpants down around your ankles. 

 The only patience he shows is in his careful assistance of helping your step out of them, but then he is immediately returning to his pilgrimage to the warm place between your thighs- bunching the deep violet-blue fabric in one fist while his other hand encourages your thigh up and over his shoulder.

He kisses you down there just as thoroughly as he had your mouth, licking the hot petals greedily to part the way to your clit before attacking it noisily and skillfully. Your head makes a dull sound as it lolls back to hit the wall, your hips surging forward at the gentle and unintentional scrape of his teeth against the soft flesh.

In an apologetic motion, the hand holding your dress beside your waist rubbing its thumb soothingly across your side. 

You allow one of your hands to drop from beside your head to rest over his, your sigh of forgiveness getting lost in a breathy keen of pleasure.

 “Shit,” you sigh, bowing your head forward to watch him look up at you from between your legs. “Jesus Christ, Lewis!”

 Rather than take his mouth from you to reply, he elects to moan into your sex, the vibration striking somewhere deep inside of you that has your thighs quaking. Your eyes drift closed as he continues to suckle on you, the sound of him inhaling sharply through his nose making you feel dizzy with heady desire.

It had been almost a year since he’d last gone down on you- only because that was the last time you were afforded enough time for such foreplay. 

 And he’d only gotten better at it.

 With careful yet distracted motions, he maneuvers the hand covering his so you are now holding your skirt up and out of the way for him. You open your eyes at the same moment you feel his fingers curl inside of you, an airy mewl slipping past your lips before you can stop it.

 “I’m gonna cum,” you mumble stupidly down at him, finally bringing your other hand down to fist in his hair again as you begin to see the white-hot orgasm creeping into the sides of your vision. “Too soon….I’m sorry, it’s too soon—!”

 His intentional humming around your bud paired with the cruelly perfect crook of his fingers sends your careening over the precipice of pleasure.

Your body shakes and your hips buck uncontrollably as he refuses to relent his near fervent milking of your orgasm.

 You keep expecting him to stop, to pull away from you and start to seek his own release. 

But he just doesn’t stop.

 “What’re you doing?” you ask brokenly, keening into another moan as he slips one more finger inside of you. “Get up here and—ohhh!”

 “Again, “ you hear him grunt into you with a near frantic tone. “Give me one more….”

 You’re absolutely lost as he ushers you into another orgasm, mouth feeling dry from the open mouth panting you’ve had to resort to in order to remain lucid.

 “I need you,” you whimper pathetically, your eyes open and unseeing as you gasp for breath in a vain attempt at cooling the fire burning in your body. “Please, I need you inside me….please, Lewis!”

 It feels like he’s only just unsealed his lips from your sex when suddenly his tongue is in your mouth and his hand is cupped around the back of your head, kissing you languidly as your thrumming ears pick up on the soft sounds of fabric being untucked and trousers being shoved open and down.

 Before you can manage to find the coordination to bring your hands down to help him free his cock, you feel him bringing the same thigh that had been over his shoulder up to hook around his hip.

 With a familiarity that aches in both your heart and your core, you wrap your arm around his shoulders and nod into the kiss, just as you had that first time in your dorm room after the night of your Junior prom.

After one more soft peck, Lewis sheaths himself fully inside of you.

 Your face twists at the abrupt fullness that stretches your sex to the sweet-stinging point that you ache for more often than you liked to admit, eyes flashing open in euphoric alarm as the man you’d loved since you were fifteen fucked into you with a punishing pace.

 Apparently, he was just as desperate for you as you had been for him.

 It’s now he who is making desperate noises that have to be muffled, his face buried into the slope where your shoulder meets your neck. 

At some point, he’s managed to undo the button at the top of the back of your dress, nosing the fabric around your collarbones open so he can latch his lips to the flesh at the curve of your shoulder- worrying at the skin with tongue, teeth, and lips.

 If you were in a teasing mood, you’d accuse him of having an oral fixation. 

Lewis would make another comment about how much he regretted giving you the books by Sigmund Freud. 

You’d try to offer some witty retort, only to be cut off by him pinching at your clit and biting at your lip.

 It was so easy, everything with him just felt so good and comfortable and warmly familiar.

 As if he can hear your thoughts, he presses his temple to yours so his lips are at your ear.

 “It should be you,” he nearly whines. “I’ve only ever wanted you—”

 The sob that bursts past your lips is so bitter and childish that even Lewis seems to notice through his haze, pulling his head back in time to catch sight of the tears rolling down your cheeks.

 “I’m sorry,” he grunts as he kisses the tears off of your skin. “I love you and I’m sorry.”

 Just as your first moan had been, your first deep sob is captured by his mouth. Your lips are salty and you can feel from his shaking lips that he’s struggling to keep his own upset at bay.

 The hand that was holding your thigh wraps around it to press a thumb against your clit, and you can’t stop the stream of babbling that follows the movement.

 You can’t shut up about how much you love him and how angry you are with him and how badly you wished things were different.

 “I know,” he mumbles to each admonishment and devotion you utter, his voice becoming tight as you intentionally squeeze down on him with everything that you’d got. “I know, I know, Please love me anyway, I know.”

 It’s the sound of Lewis coming undone that sends you into your second orgasm, holding on for dear life as he brokenly thrusts into you a few more times before yanking himself away to spill himself onto the wall beside you- bracing his arm there as you blindly reach down to stroke him as well.

 You both stand there, breathing as if you’d both just sprinted across the fields behind his house.

 Using the wall as a support, you turn to face him and press your forehead to his sweaty temple, the hand of the arm against the wall moving to rest atop your head as he shudders and stills in your hand.

“Good,” you breathlessly praise him as you gently release his cock. “So fucking good….”

 As you bring your hand to your mouth to suck it clean, Lewis curses lowly as his eyes follow the movement, like you’ve hurt him somehow.

Before you can reach your hand down to get more, Nix grabs your wrist and holds it in the air.

 “Don’t you dare,” he whooshes out with an exhale, turning his head to kiss you deeply enough that you know he can taste himself. “I’m gonna fucking cum again if you do shit like that…”

 You give him a small smile, pecking a quicker kiss on his lips.

“Didn’t think you’d be open to letting me lick it from you directly.”

 His wicked smile is lazy, wrapping his arm around your waist as you make to push yourself away and twisting your bodies so he’s now the one leaning against the wall with you pressed against him.

 ‘Not yet,” he pleads into the crook of your neck. “Please, not just yet.”

 And, because you’re a terrible and weak person, you stay.

 When his fingers start to undo the buttons holding your dress together in the back, you shake your head.

 “One more,” he murmurs as your dress starts to fall loose around your shoulders. “Just once more….”

 Despite knowing how much you’re going to hate yourself for doing so, you nod and lower your arms so your dress pools around your feet.

 “Okay,” you whisper. “Just once more.” ~ ~ ~ (HELLO I LOVE YOU AND SORRY FOR ANOTHER SERIES WHEN I HAVE ONLY EVER ACTUALLY FINISHED ONE BUT THIS IS WHO I AM AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT THEN I AGREE WITH YOU, TBH)

Taglist: @mrseasycompany​ @itswormtrain​ @mrsalwayswrite​ @happyveday​ @sunsetmando​ @ricksmorty​ @liebgotttme​

also let me know if you want to be added to le taglist bc i am a silly lily who will forget unless i’m constantly reminded

also also here’s the dress i used for reference bc what are outfits

[shijiujun]

“you know you’re singing to your headphones out loud, right” au for moshang plz sqh singing modern songs that mbj doesn't know and being hella confused 🥺

Featuring karaoke-loving Shang Qinghua who gets a bit too drunk at a Cang Qiong mountain gathering, and he goes all out. 

Or when Mobei Jun wonders why Shang Qinghua is singing about another man called Liang Shan Bo.

---

Sometimes, he thinks about his old life before he ever had the misfortune of landing in a world of his own creation, with an annoying gaming AI system of sorts hounding his every move (in the beginning) or turning up at the most inopportune times just when he thinks it’s finally gone and left him alone (more recently). 

Shang Qinghua remembers not having many friends when he was still Shang Qinghua, when ‘向天打飞机 Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky’ was still merely his writing Weibo account moniker and when he had millions of people looking up to him for his crucial contributions in writing this amazing story about his son Luo Binghe and the way he overcame all odds to become a success with a harem of gorgeous women at his feet (damn you, Peerless Cucumber bro!).

Back in those days, he lived off cup noodles and instant coffee. If he didn’t have to leave the house, Shang Qinghua would simply curl up in front of his laptop, either writing for his novel or watching shows (clears his throat) - actual shows! Chinese period dramas were his favourite, where a skilled and intelligent consort in the harem would outwit all the other women to be with her one true love, the Emperor, who falls irrevocably in love with her.

And when he got bored, he switched from the laptop to his television to engage in his second most favourite hobby - Chinese karaoke. Going out to a karaoke bar would require some level of socializing, and also a few friends so he gets more bang out of his buck from what he pays for the room, but at home? 

With advanced technology and a tiny ass microphone in either shining gold or silver, Shang Qinghua’s home entertainment system was his very own personal karaoke room, His tiny mic even had that echo-y effect on.

Shang Qinghua has a thing for classic Chinese songs - ‘The New Butterfly Dream’, ‘Liang Shan Bo and Juliet’, The Moon Represents My Heart‘ - and contemporary karaoke must-haves, like Wang Fei. For an embarrassing few days, the Chinese version of Baby Shark was a veritable earworm as well.

After transmigrating into his own story set in ancient times, where he lives without technology, Shang Qinghua would be lying if he said he didn’t miss the Internet. Laptops would be incredibly handy, and so would switches for lights, definitely indoor plumbing for toilets, and induction stoves. Phones too, that would be nice, rather than having to ‘send word’ with letters. 

Of course, there is no karaoke bar or machine for him.

Not all is bad though. At least he transmigrated to Shang Qinghua in this world as a baby, so it’s not as if he was surviving on Internet and technology one day and left to do everything manually the next day since someone was always taking care of him. Peerless Cucumber bro, of course, wasn’t as lucky, but the man has definitely taken to this world (and his son!!) like a fish to water.

And as for himself, Shang Qinghua does not need to envy Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe either, because somehow, he has gotten the man of his dreams too, even if said man was a little cruel and rude to him in the beginning.

He has the love of his life (coughs coughs) and they’re stuck in this world for the rest of his life. What more is there to want? Not to mention how his cup of instant noodles betrayed him at the last moment, resulting in his death! It is slightly safer, ironically, to be in this world instead.

All is good except... well...

===

Shen Qingqiu marvels at the sight before him, torn between wanting to step in to stop Shang Qinghua, or watch this farce unfold. 

He sometimes forgets where he, or where Shang Qinghua, who has been in this world longer than he, came from. They don’t always talk about the past when they meet, and aside from the occasional meetups, Shen Yuan is a part of him that doesn’t surface, not when he is with Luo Binghe. 

Shang Qinghua, on the other hand, grew up here, and aside from referring to Shen Qingqiu by his Weibo account name, he seems otherwise well-adjusted, no hint of modern online writer Shang Qinghua in sight. It doesn’t feel as if he misses their original world either.

This evening, however, memories of modern times slap him in the face, quite literally.

“Shizun!” Luo Binghe calls, frantic, tugging him back into his embrace out of Shang Qinghua’s way. Once Shen Qingqiu is safe in his arms, his eyes narrow at the bumbling, drunk idiot causing a scene in the dinner hall, “Shang Qinghua...”

Shang Qinghua stops where he is, and then before any one can stop him, he picks up a pair of chopsticks, brings it to his mouth, and begins bellowing his way through-

-Jay Chou’s Hair Like Snow.

“Shizun, are you alright?” Luo Binghe fusses, his hands coming up to cup Shen Qingqiu’s face when his Shizun doesn’t so much as respond to him. “Were you hurt? Did he hurt you? How’re you feeling? We’ll go back home now-”

“What is he singing?” Qi Qingqi frowns in disgust.

They all wince when Shang Qinghua attempts to hit a high note, but fails miserably.

Fuck me, Shen Qingqiu thinks, his eyes impossibly wide, who knew Airplane bro was such a karaoke fanatic?

“... maybe he is possessed by a malevolent spirit? Or perhaps this is an unidentified curse?” asks Ming Fan. 

“Or is this some new form of cultivation?” asks Ning Yingying, curious.

Yue Qingyuan, seated at the front of the dining hall, cannot help but be concerned for him as well. “Shall we call Mu-shidi to take a look at him-”

They’ve gathered for their annual meeting - a condition that Yue Qingyuan has set in place a few years ago after Luo Binghe ‘stole’ (married!) him away from Cang Qiong Peak - and although Shang Qinghua said he didn’t mind that Mobei Jun was unable to accompany him today, he spent most of the dinner drinking alcohol while in a melancholic state instead.

Who knew that Shang Qinghua was a singing drunk?!

Hence their current predicament.

At the Sect Master’s words, Shang Qinghua suddenly turns around and looks at Shen Qingqiu. HIccuping twice, he then beams, “Cucumber-”

Shen Qingqiu has never moved that fast in his life. Within a fraction of a second, he has his hand pressed over Shang Qinghua’s mouth, holding onto him from the back.

“Cucumber?” everyone choruses in confusion.

“I believe your Shang-shishu has had a little too much to drink,” Shen Qingqiu clears his throat, nodding at everyone else. “We should... send him back to Mobei. Isn’t that right, Binghe?”

His disciple, his husband, still has on an affronted, murderous look for how Shang Qinghua almost brained Shen Qingqiu with his flailing arms in his drunken fit. The moment Shen Qingqiu asks, however, his expression morphs into something so soft and full of love that everyone who sees it chokes.

“Of course,” Luo Binghe smiles, devotion apparent in his eyes. “Anything Shizun wants.”

===

The words that are tumbling out of Shang Qinghua’s mouth are entirely incomprehensible, and so are the tunes he’s humming into his ear.

Mobei Jun thought he had gotten used to Shang Qinghua’s eccentric mannerisms, and also thought he knew everything about his husband, so many years later. Shang Qinghua is mumbling Chinese alright, but none of the characters put together make any sense.

Who is Liang Shan Bo? And who the hell is Juliet?!

His mood taking a turn for the worse, Mobei Jun hoists Shang Qinghua up further on his back.

After getting so drunk, the idiot had the gall to demand for a piggy-back from the throne room to their bedroom. Mobei Jun has never once suffered such indignity in his years of living. A bridal carry? Of course, anytime. A piggy-back? As if he was some beast to be tamed? 

Well this definitely has to be a first.

While he was stewing in his thoughts, Shang Qinghua switches from that song to another one, and a stream of ‘du du du lu du lu’ emerges from his lips... AND something about... a sha yu? What the hell is that?!

Shang Qinghua lazily lifts his right hand as they approach their room, balls it into a fist and puts it to his mouth, as if he’s holding something, and whatever monstrosity Shang Qinghua is singing, his voice gets even louder.

Mobei Jun tosses Shang Qinghua off his back unceremoniously and onto the soft bed. Interrupted, Shang Qinghua blinks, his vision blurry, and is about to catch his breath and start singing again when his husband climbs in after him. Trapping Shang Qinghua with his entire weight, Mobei Jun seals his lips with a kiss.

“... My king...” Shang Qinghua murmurs in a daze, when Mobei Jun pulls back a few minutes later, his breaths coming out as short, harsh pants. “My king...”

“That’s right,” he says with a glower. “I’m your Da Wang, your husband.”

Mobei Jun doesn’t know who Liang Shan Bo is, but he’s going to make sure no other man’s name ever leaves Shang Qinghua’s lips again when they’re together.

And when his husband finally sobers up, he’s going to have a lot to answer for.

---

Songs Mentioned (YouTube Links in Comments):

The New Butterfly Dream 新鸳鸯蝴蝶梦 － A Chinese classic, sung by Huang An but done beautifully by legendary god of singing Fei Yu Qing and singing partner for the song A Yun Ga

Liang Shan Bo and Juliet 梁山伯与朱丽叶 － A Taiwanese contemporary classic of sorts by Genie Zhuo, most Chinese millennials would definitely have sang this at a karaoke once in their lives - Song is inspired by Liang Shan Bo and Zhu Ying Tai, the Chinese version of Romeo and Juliet to some extent - They both die in the end and become butterflies, so they’re also called the Butterfly Lovers.

The Moon Represents My Heart 月亮代表我的心 － ANOTHER CLASSIC CLASSIC!!!

Baby Shark (Chi. Ver) － ˆThe baby shark hype did move to China, and it’s pretty hilarious LMAO and in Chinese, shark is 鲨鱼 (sha yu) but I’m assuming that in this world, there isn’t a shark kind of animal of sorts? So Mobei Jun and everyone else except SQQ wouldn’t know what a shark is or looks like?!

Hair Like Snow 发如雪 － By Jay Chou, another classic that all Chinese millennials would have sang in a karaoke bar 

Wang Fei 王妃 － Jam Hsiao’s version is known best, and it’s pretty epic, not that anyone can reach any of the high notes in the chorus, but does that stop us from trying?!! Hell no!!!

---

Notes: My first Moshang?!! That didn’t really have a lot of Moshang time?! But thanks anon, hope this sort of works?!

[author-morgan]

Okay... So in How to Train Your Dragon 2 there's a scene where Hiccups parents are singing a "proposal song" (if you haven't seen it the song is titled "for the dancing and the dreaming") and I was wondering if you could write something with Eivor proposing to reader in a goofy way like that🥺

I hope you like it!

m!Eivor x fem!Reader

The entity of the village is gathered at the mead hall —feasting and drinking. Celebrations will continue until dawn breaks. The raiding season had come to a close, and the spoils were in a heap at the front of the long table. Jarl Arne looks over the gold, silver and trinkets with an approving nod, passing one of the golden necklaces to his wife. It is a good time to be in Stavanger.

You lean back against a thick wooden beam, belly full and mead in hand with your sister, Tove, sitting next to you. You both watch as Eivor is wrestled to the ground by a swarm of boys and girls. Over their cries of joy, you can make out his deep laughter. The mighty warrior is pinned beneath a pile of small bodies. Most are quick to heed the call of their parents’ but some protest being called away at the late hour. Eivor is like a big brother to many of the village children and to others he’s more akin to a father figure for those who lost theirs in the summer raids.

Brushing the straw from his tunic, Eivor lumbers over to you and Tove, sinking to the earthen floor beside you, smiling. You pluck pieces of straw from his golden head —unbound his hair falls just past his shoulders. He drapes an arm over your shoulders, pulling you into his side. “I see they left you in one piece,” you laugh, patting his thigh.

“They put up quite the fight,” Eivor replies. Slipping the cup of mead from your hand, he takes a long drag from it. He shifts and leans toward you, pressing a quick kiss to your temple. A rush of heat up races to your cheeks —even after the two of you had been together for many seasons and raids, such a simple action could still make you blush. At least tonight you can blame it on the exceptionally strong mead.

Tove leans forward, hand resting on her swollen belly. “Skol!” She announces, raising her cup of watered mead. Eivor reciprocates the gesture and takes another drink. Not long after, Tove rises and returns to Bjórr’s side at the long table.

Eivor’s hand slips down your arm, his calloused fingers slipping through your own. “It’s good to see her happy again since father passed,” you sigh watching as Tove laughs when Einarr presses his ear against her belly in hopes to hear the unborn babe. Your father had passed in the autumn, and the grief had almost been too much for Tove and baby —it hadn’t helped that Bjórr had been in the Danish countryside at the time.

The bear of a man next you nods, blue eyes sparkling in the firelight. He hadn’t mentioned he’d gone to your father to seek his approval to wed you. The old man had laughed, proclaiming it a day he’d never thought would come but was always inevitable. You and Eivor had been inseparable since childhood. “I–” Eivor starts, you look up at him flushed from the mead and warmth. The words on the tip of his tongue vanish, and all he manages is, “I really like that dress.” You laugh, glancing at the newly mended dress of blue and green wool, then turn toward him —unwittingly running a finger down the scar cutting across his cheek.

Jarl Arne calls over the hall for music and soon there’s a chorus of lyres and flutes, the tables and wooden cups serving as drums. There are dancing and singing, clapping and laughing. Eivor holds you tight against him swaying to the music until a little girl named Gyda comes asking him if he’ll dance with her. He kisses your cheek before jumping to his feet, sweeping the small girl up into a jolly dance.

After a while Eivor is standing before you, hand outstretched. You lay your hand in his, and he pulls you up to your feet and to the center of the flurry of dancing bodies. And then the song changes, it’s a tune he’s been thinking about often of late, humming to himself and making words fit the notes.

“The stars ever unchanging, they guide us on paths unseen,” he starts, voice warm and deep. Asides from the instruments the rest of the hall grows nigh silent. Eivor spins you ‘round. “And you were written in my saga–” he tugs you back into his broad chest, arms wrapping about your waist “–destined to collide with me!”

Your carefree grin is enough to make his words falter but on the next beat, he continues, swinging you around the clearing. “Like the fish needs the water and the raven needs the sky, you and I were born to be,” he continues, the two of you dancing in a circle, hand-in-hand. Eivor steps closer then he goes to one knee as the song comes to a close. “Will you marry me?”

There’s no hesitation in your response when you bend forward, kissing him before all Stavanger. You’ve loved him since you were both children. His hands grip onto your waist as you cup his face —fingers slipping back into his soft golden hair. You pull back to the sound of clapping and victorious toasts. Tove is near tears at the sight. Eivor rises back to his feet, standing a head taller than you. “Did that mean yes?” He laughs as the music resumes.

“Of course it meant yes,” you smile, tugging him down by the collar of his tunic until his lips are on yours, beard tickling your cheek and jaw. Eivor swears you’ve made him the happiest man in all nine realms. Breaking apart, he pulls you back into another dance until you’re both out of breath and close to sweating. Falling back near the edge of the hall, you sit with your legs draped across his lap, hands entwined. When you lay your head against his shoulder, Eivor nods toward the doors —he’ll leave the revelry to others, especially when he can fall asleep holding you.

The festivities will likely go on until the birds sing, but you both slip from the warmth of the mead hall into the brisk night. Eivor scoops you into his arms and starts toward your shared home at the edge of the settlement. The Moon casts an ethereal glow on your skin —enchanting Eivor. You rest your hand on his cheek, fingers lazily combing through his beard. “They say you stole me in moonlight,” you begin softly, following the same tune he’d sung to, “but love, I was always yours for we were written in the stars.”

[deputytrash]

Silence

Summary: just a quick soft pre-relationship Din as you grow on him more and more. gender neutral.

Rating: Teen for potty mouth

Warnings: none

Fandom: The Mandalorian (TV)

Relationship: Din Djarin/Reader

Words: 550

Read on A03

It was the middle of the night when the Mandalorian made it back to the Crest. The forest was quiet around him, light from the planet's moons flowing between the foliage above him. It had been a three hour walk back and he was exhausted. He'd spent the entire journey weighing the pros and cons of killing the talkative quarry. A dead quarry would've given him some much needed quiet, but he'd eventually decided he didn't want to drag the creature's corpse all the way back to the ship.

He opened the door to the crest, moving through the ship with firm footfalls and promptly shoved the quarry into carbonite. The freezer hissed to a finish and Din felt the taut muscles in his neck relax just a bit at last. Silence.

Well, almost. He perked up at the noise from the cockpit, realizing he hadn't seen you in your bunk on the way in. He made his way up the ladder. It sounded like you were singing. You weren't particularly vocally talented, truthfully, but he smiled at the sound regardless. He paused briefly before pressing open the door.

He found you dancing, headphones covering your ears and baby in your arms. You were feeding him some sort of jerky, swaying your hips and bouncing him to the beat. Your voice sung along to the lyrics, dramatically putting your all into every word with a grin. The Mandalorian relaxed against the door frame, legs crossed, just enjoying the scene. He could just hear the music over your headphones, beat thrumming away as the baby babbled along with you between bites.

He felt the frustration and stress from the night soften into insignificance as he watched you dance careful little steps around the cramped cockpit. He hadn't thought ahead enough to consider that his presence would scare you until you did a little spin and jumped out of your skin. You yelped a quick curse word and clutched the child closer until recognition registered on your face.

You came down from your shock with an equally embarrassed and relieved laugh. You pulled off your headphones, relaxing your hold on the baby. Your cheeks were red as you laughed about how he'd just scared the absolute shit out of you.

Din apologized, embarrassed as well. He made his way to the pilot seat, rubbing a gloved hand over the baby's head and giving you a soft nod on the way. He was determined to at least get on the way to his next location before he rested. The quarry had a few too many friends for him to fully trust that he wouldn't be followed. You secured the child and situated yourself in one of the seats behind him. You told him about various things the child did and filled him in on anything funny or weird that happened while he was gone.

He settled into the ride as he listened to your voice, noting when it slowly began to grow heavy with sleep. The Mandalorian laughed at the irony as silence evaded him even now. As he put the ship onto its course and turned to move his little found family into their respective bunks, he decided that the sound of your voice was better than any damn peace and quiet.

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Dragon Dancer III: The Kabuki

Nono flipped her hair over her shoulder, applied her lipstick, and put on the final touch of her ensemble, a half face mask. She looked every bit like a medieval lady, save for the shortened skirt at the front of her dress that showed off how shapely her legs were in her dark red pumps. 

She looked over at the exhausted and distraught Carli who’d scarcely been able to perform at Takamagahara and ended up dropping clients out of anxiety. Those boys were really putting her through the wringer.

She smiled at the irony of it.

“Where are you going?” Carli asked her.

“I’ve actually got a date.”

Carli sat up in confusion. “Oh... have... I met him?”

“Yes, and no... anyway. Don’t wait up for me. I’ll be gone all night.” She grabbed her purse, ignoring Carli’s open mouthed expression.

Okay, maybe she liked messing with people just a little bit. The girl’s imagination was probably running wild. The recently bereaved Nono already moved on to the point of spending the night with a man in Tokyo?

The answer to that question, of course, was yes. But Carli could never imagine what the reality was. Things were never what they appeared when it came to her. She stepped into the back of the taxi to be driven to the historic Kabuki Theater.

Kabuki was usually the relic of the previous generations and the occasional tourist or school field trip. But not tonight. Tonight the audience was mostly women though some men were in attendance. The common denominator was that they were all under thirty like her.

When she presented her ticket and card to the doorman, he held up a hand. “Please wait here, Miss.” And then dialed a number. Another man came, wearing a black suit and a pin displaying the Chinese character for ‘ghost’ invited her inside.

Together, they walked up to a special box seat right next to the stage. There were refreshments and wine. She took her seat.

The ticket had come with an envelope and a calling card. It was made of heavy embossed cardstock and smelled of chrysanthemum. Black flowing inked lines sketched out a simple, yet beautiful drawing of a chrysanthemum on the front and on the back were written the characters ‘Ruri Kazama.’ It bore all the hallmarks of something personal and handmade.

The ticket provided the remainder of the invitation. There was no number, no other message.

She smiled. How different he was from Caesar.

The lights went down over the audience who immediately hushed. The title of the play was “An Ancient Tale, Retold.”

She’d never seen a Kabuki. She’d been to an opera so she had some idea about the old arts. She didn’t have anything against them. The music, the costumes and the stories were all very compelling. It was the atmosphere she found stifling. People spent hundreds of dollars to sit around and say they went to the opera. Most wouldn’t be able to even tell you who was on stage, what the songs were about, or their lyrics. Nono had no patience for such pretentiousness.

That’s why she was a little apprehensive. She wouldn’t be able to understand the Japanese and no matter how expert the performance, she wouldn’t be able to appreciate it.

Someone tapped her on the shoulder. “Miss.”

One of the black suited Ghost Waiters handed her a small tablet. “As the lyrics are sung, the translation will appear here as well as any cultural references.”

Her eyes widened. “Oh! Thank you!”

He walked away and she sat up and looked over her shoulder. That man spoke perfect English! She leaned back in her chair, smiling and chuckling. “Okay, Mr. Kazama. You have my attention.”

A sound of a drum broke the silence. The curtain rose and a woman in white face make up stood head bowed, center stage.

She looked down at the lyrics

All happiness in the world is a flash in the shadow of the moon;

Loneliness and pain are often the only companions in the depths of hell.

The woman sang and slowly raised her head. She opened eyes that were painted red at the corners.

Much to Nono’s surprise, the information on the tablet said that this woman was actually Ruri Kazama. The performance was the tale of Izanagi and Izanami, a brother and sister who got married and created the Japanese pantheon of gods..

But Izanami would perish giving birth to the god of Volcanos and the heartbroken Izanagi would journey to the underworld to save her. She could return with him, but only if he promised not to look upon her underworld form. Unfortunately, he couldn’t keep that promise and lit a torch. He saw that she was a living corpse, eaten up by maggots.

The man fled without his wife. Ever since then, Izanami was an evil vengeful goddess who killed a thousand people every day, but Izanagi made sure that 1,500 babies were conceived every day.

Nono raised an eyebrow to that.

The next scene, Izanagi appeared to sing the praises of his three children: Amaterasu, Susano-O and Tsukiyomi. He ordered them to rule over the Kingdom of the Gods, Takamagahara.

While Izanagi sang and danced with his children, Izanami was behind a thin curtain on the stage, wailing in loneliness and abandonment, remembering how beautiful her life used to be and how her and her former husband first met and how beautiful things could have been.

“Okay...” Nono didn’t remember that being part of the tale. She leaned forward.

Ruri, as Izanami, danced and sang surrounded by the corpses of the dead while wearing a kimono typical of dead person at a funeral, according to the tablet. He was a tragic figure and sure enough, some of the people in the audience were openly weeping.

There was an intermission but no one got up and left the theater. They were all discussing what they had seen. This tale was old, and yet few had tried to perform it from the point of view of the dead Izanami.

The second half was the lively story of Susano-O in killing the 8-headed serpent Yamata-no-Orochi. A family of 8 daughters was left with only one after the snake had eaten one of their daughters every year. So Susano-O offered to kill it in exchange for their last remaining daught-.

Nono sighed. “Well, ... okay.”

So he turns her into a comb for safekeeping in his hair. He makes eight barrels of sake which the serpent drinks. After it’s drunk and asleep, he cuts off all the snake’s heads.

But Ruri doesn’t play the hero in this scene, either, he plays the eight headed dragon, resplendent in a scaly looking sequined robe. “If only Carli were here.”

Carli didn’t realize it, but Nono was at the performance of her ballet the night of her recruitment. She would love this.

But Nono was the only one enjoying this part of the performance. A strange murmuring had broken out in the crowd. The Battle was supposed to be epic and loud, but all the audience saw were women and children on stage.

Susano-O did his hero thing and dramatically cut into the ‘dragon’, red dye illustrating the flow of blood. In the end, Ruri Kazama fell to center stage as the dragon died.

It seemed that this would be the end of the tale, but it wasn’t. Susano-O knelt next to the fallen serpent and after a moment of silence, what appeared to be bright wings with sharpened feathers lifted from Ruri’s back and pierced the hero through the heart!

The audience gasped as fireworks sparked up from the stage! Susano-O tore off the robe of Ruri Kazama revealing a new blood red outfit underneath. as he quietly lay in the center stage.

Off stage a voice was singing.

“Weary, oh... Weary, oh

King of Ghostly Bone

The path ahead is indistinct

Looking back is useless

Broken, drenched in a sea of mercury

Face each other over the lonely city wall

As if to remember the heavy debt of gratitude of years past.

The hairs rose on Nono’s arms and her eyes widened. “Ruri... what is this?”

The audience was in ecstasy. The interpretation read out on the tablet. Turned out that the eight headed serpent was the goddess Izanami, returned from the underworld to exact her revenge for being abandoned by her husband. 

The whole play was sympathetic to her plight, so that when, in the end, the dragon kills the ‘hero of the story’ everyone is happy. The audience bought it, hook-line-and-sinker. Flowers were being thrown up on stage. People were congratulating him on his performance.

Nono put the tablet down.

“Ma’am?”

On a platter offered by the waiter was an envelope. Inside was an invitation to meet him backstage.

[witsyo]

Sun and Moon Epilogue

This is it! This marks the end of this story! If you’re interested in the prequel, check out Reinne! It’s under the Reinne tag here or you can find it on my Ao3!

~~~

Year 1, Month 1, Day 15

Skies Haven at night was truly a sight to behold. Festival lights were still hung between the buildings, and their twinkling glow drew Halle’s eyes up to the sky. It was a cloudy night, but she could still see the moon. It was nearly full, throwing the shadows on the ground into sharp relief. 

She took a deep breath. 

This was the first time she’d left the temple in a while. The thought of facing the people she'd grown up around, giving them smiles and exchanging pleasantries still made her feel sick, and only the reminder of her patients had brought her here. Her hood was pulled low over her face, but as she approached her goal, she slowly lowered it to better see the sky. There was no one around anyway, as late as it was. She was lucky Adrian had agreed to meet with her at this time. 

Why was she still here? 

Halle had always promised herself that after the sacrifice, she would leave. Skies Haven was a large city with many resources, and there were people out there without that that needed her healing. She didn’t want to wait around for someone she knew was never fully coming back. 

She could still remember the heat of fires hitting her face, the priestesses lighting the roof’s braziers while they sung songs to the heavens. Razz and Basille had clasped hands, raising them to the sky as prayers were called around them. 

The ceremony of sacrifice was a perfectly choreographed dance, but Halle hadn’t known her part in it. She had stood stock-still, staring as Razz pressed a kiss to Basille’s mouth and feeling tears starting to fill her eyes. 

Then the choreography broke, Halle jumping as Basille suddenly clasped her hands. She’d looked up, seeing Razz sitting on the flat slab of rock upon which he would soon be sacrificed. Halle got the feeling that Basille was meant to be beside him, but she cupped Halle’s cheeks, smoothing one thumb over her skin to brush away a falling tear. 

“You don’t have to watch this,” she’d murmured, and Halle had hesitated. 

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to believe that you’re gone unless I do.” 

Basille had smiled, tears jumping to her own eyes. They’d both known that was bullshit. “I won’t be, though. You’ll see me again.” 

So Halle had gone, leaving her best friend with a hug. Leaving her to… She’d pressed her back to the roof’s door, listened as the last prayers were called to the goddesses. It was easy to picture what was on the other side of the wood. Razz’s hand would be on Basille’s cheek, foreheads pressed together. The sheer cloth they wore would be spread over the cold marble, and the fires would throw out a golden light that made them almost glow. 

The tell-tale swish of an axe had had Halle sliding to the ground. She’d landed hard on the top step, head falling to rest against her knees as a sob had wracked her body. 

Fuck the goddesses. Fuck whatever stupid plan they had that made this necessary. 

Now, standing in the middle of the city, Halle set her mouth into a firm line. She couldn’t stay here. The memories were too pronounced, and she didn’t like feeling so helpless.

Even looking at Grelda’s shop made her heart ache, wishing Basille was beside her as she knocked lightly at the door. Pushing away the feelings, she tried to peer through one of the windows. Hopefully, Adrian had remembered their appointment. He hadn’t been to the temple in nearly a year, so it was rare that she saw him these days. Grelda had taken a fall around then, and he’d moved to the city to take care of her. He practically ran her shop during the days, and Halle would have no one else prepare the mixtures she needed. 

She hadn’t been able to convince herself to come during the day, though. The idea of the townspeople wishing her their congratulations made her want to punch something. Their good intentions were of no matter. 

So she’d sent Adrian a messenger, detailing what she needed and what time she would prefer to come, and the man had said that Adrian had agreed. 

A shadow moved inside the shop, making her sigh in relief, then the door creaked open. He’d gotten impossibly taller since she’d last seen him, and his voice was deep as he murmured a hello. Already holding the jars she needed, he pressed them into her hands. 

She was surprised when Adrian kept the hold. He clasped his fingers to hers, struggling for words for a long moment before he asked, “They’re really gone?” 

Ah. Poor kid. “Yes,” she murmured. 

A slow nod made his curls shift, and he took a shaky breath in. “Razz came to see me, the day before the festival. I said I was too busy to talk.” 

Her chest clenched, and she inclined her head. “He knew you loved him.” 

“I know,” he whispered, letting go of her hands and leaning heavily into the doorframe. “Are you… are you leaving soon? I thought you’d have gone by now.” 

“I’m not sure.” 

Inspecting her carefully, Adrian swallowed. “Do you think you might stay?” 

She shouldn’t. “I… Are you?” At his doubtful glance back into his shop, she clarified, “Planning to wait for him, I mean.”

“I think I’d like to.” He looked down at the ground, and she was unsurprised to see tears welling in his eyes. “I don’t want to put my life on hold, but I… it would be good. To see him again.” His voice broke, and she rested a hand awkwardly on his shoulder. 

“You’ll be grown, then. I think he’d like to meet the family you build. Whatever happens, you’re welcome at the temple.” 

At that, he gave her a teary grin. “That kind of sounds like you’re not going anywhere.” 

Huffing at him, she raised her gaze again to the sky. “It’s stupid, but it feels like she’s gonna need me.” 

“You’re her companion, aren’t you?” he asked, eyes filled with sadness. “Of course she does.” 

Eventually, they bid their goodbyes, and Halle’s thoughts rushed as she made her way back up to the temple. Basille had grown up alone so many times. She didn’t deserve to do it again, no matter how much the thought of staying twisted at Halle’s ribs. Fuck, she didn't know if she could do this.

She would have to be ready to greet the townspeople tomorrow, she thought. It would be inconsiderate of her to demand her patients only meet her at night, and no matter how much she didn’t want to, she would have to get over her fears. 

As she emerged over the curve of the hill, she glanced at the temple. Frowning, she noticed that the door guards were nowhere in sight, and she slowed her walk to glance around the fields. If something was wrong, things wouldn’t be so quiet, right? 

Carefully, she tucked her medicine bag closer to her hip, circling the temple and entering through a side door. She ducked through the room on the other side, glancing over at the small shrine in its middle before she crossed the marble floors. Slowly, she inched open the door, peeking into the main hall and sighing with relief at the sight of the guards just inside. They were holding completely still, watching the scene before them. 

Halle recognized Caroline, leaning heavily on her cane with her back to Halle. She was speaking, too low for Halle to hear, and as she emerged into the main hall, she caught sight of who she was talking to. 

A man and a woman, both with bedraggled clothes and dirty faces, were leaning into each other. There were tears in their eyes, and Halle was surprised to see a toddler clutching to the man’s pants. The child wasn't crying, but they seemed confused, and as she looked at them, they caught her eye, ducking shyly behind their father. 

Then her eyes shifted, catching onto the baby the woman was holding. 

Small hands waved, and bright eyes stared at Caroline, but Halle’s gaze was caught by the bright tuft of blue hair that covered her small head. As she watched, the young mother sobbed, leaning forward to press her forehead to the infant’s. “We are blessed to serve the goddesses,” she said, voice breaking, and her husband nodded. 

Before she could really think about it, Halle lowered her hood, crossing the room to put a hand on Caroline’s shoulder. The older woman jumped, but Halle took no notice, staring down at the baby. She took immediate notice of her with wide blue eyes, burbling happily and stretching out an arm. Gently, Halle touched the small hand, smiling as her finger was grasped. 

“I can take her,” Halle said, starting to reach for the infant before Caroline grabbed her wrist, pulling it back and shaking her head in response to Halle’s questioning glance. 

“Who are you?” the mother asked, and Halle looked at her in confusion. She wasn’t much older than Halle herself, but there weren’t many souls on this side of the sea who didn't know Halle's face.

Gently, Caroling explained, “They’re from Banamore. Traveled quite a long way to get here.” 

Halle looked again at the baby. She liked to think she could already see something of Basille in that round face. Then she tore her eyes away, looking back up at the confused couple as Caroline spoke.

“This is Halle,” she said quietly, and their eyes widened. “Daughter of Moons.” 

In awe, the woman stared at Halle, and she shifted uncomfortably. After a moment of hesitation, she held out her hands again, and the woman took a deep breath. Then, she stepped forward, passing the infant into Halle’s arms. 

Halle’s eyes filled with tears, looking down as Basille stared back. She didn’t cry, but Halle felt her own breath catch. Taking a moment to gather herself, she looked back up at the couple and their other child, still staring at her. 

“I am her companion,” Halle said softly. “The Queen of Moons will be well cared for with me.”

[seenashwrite]

Nash Watches & Rates Cheesy Lifetime & Hallmark Original Christmas Movies, So You Don’t Have To (2018)

(a.k.a. -  Nash Records Her Viewings Of Lifetime & Hallmark Original Christmas Movies, which are fanfic in visual form & are gold)

ETA Jan 2019: This adventure is now moving to @seenashblog, so my SPN peeps can rest assured they’ll not be exposed to this any longer - I have a feeling I’ll not be done purging my soul for awhile yet #bless my heart

Last Addendum, I Swear

But I caught one this morning called “Home For Christmas Day” that sailed into a 5/5 with little effort. Here’s a mash-up of two “official” summaries I found, and that’s all I am giving you:

An Army widow worries about her teenage daughter when she meets a soldier from the town's military base & starts to spend time with him during the two weeks before he ships out. The mother wants to spare her daughter the pain of losing someone she loves in action, so she tries to get her daughter to break it off with the soldier before she becomes attached.  Little do they know they are about to learn important lessons of the heart and that taking chances can make this Christmas one they will cherish forever.

All 4 leads (mom, diner owner, daughter, soldier) are good actors (the daughter really impressed me), and they help overcome some dialogue that could’ve been less formulaic. A highlight is that Kristin Chenoweth’s “Home On Christmas Day”, a *phenomenal* song and one that has permanent residence on my holiday playlist, is featured and sung by a character who - wait for it - can actually sing and it was pleasant to hear, they kept it simple, and it’s the better for it. The movie could’ve gone Velveeta and shmoop and severe angst fast, but it didn’t. You’ll be torn on the ending, some of you wishing they’d gone the other direction. You’ll be sweetly tearful either way.

.

So, the new official rec list for the ones that are worth your time?

(5 of 5) The Christmas Ornament (Kellie Martin, Cameron Mathison, Jewel Staite - Hallmark)

(5 of 5) Love At The Christmas Table (Danica McKellar, Lea Thompson - Lifetime)

(5 of 5) Home For Christmas Day (Catherine Bell, Victor Webster - Hallmark)

(4 of 5) Every Other Christmas (Schuyler Fisk, Dee Wallace - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Operation Christmas (Tricia Helfer, Marc Blucas - Hallmark)

(4 of 5) A Very Nutty Christmas (Melissa Joan Hart, Barry Watson - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Mingle All The Way (Jen Lilley, Brant Daugherty, Lindsay Wagner - Hallmark)

(4 of 5) A Princess for Christmas (Sam Heughan, Katie McGrath, Sir Roger Moore - Hallmark)

.

And don’t forget: never, ever watch “My Christmas Love”.

Past entries below

Special (Royal) Addendum!

In a shocking turn of events, I’m about to recommend a [gulp] prince-and-princess-based plot Hallmark movie. I’m out-of-pocket a lot this week, but spotted this one randomly and needed to tell you about it, in case you had a chance to catch it. Because surprise, surprise - from some pretty impressive music for a TV movie, to some solid acting (even from the precocious children!), to a decent script, the most off-putting thing is the title. Possibly the best thing? It’s from 2011 but you may recognize the leading man:

So as a reminder, here’s my overall recommendation list for Christmas movies that are actually worth your time...

(5 of 5) The Christmas Ornament (Kellie Martin, Cameron Mathison, Jewel Staite - Hallmark)

(5 of 5) Love At The Christmas Table (Danica McKellar, Lea Thompson - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Every Other Christmas (Schuyler Fisk, Dee Wallace - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Operation Christmas (Tricia Helfer, Marc Blucas - Hallmark)

(4 of 5) A Very Nutty Christmas (Melissa Joan Hart, Barry Watson - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Mingle All The Way (Jen Lilley, Brant Daugherty, Lindsay Wagner - Hallmark)

(4 of 5) A Princess for Christmas (Sam Heughan, Katie McGrath, Sir Roger Moore - Hallmark)

...and the newest addition is the one in question, I’ll give you the scoop.

Google tells me that this was marketed in the UK as “A Christmas Princess”, but I don’t find that any better - I hate movies that blow their wad in the title. Let us not forget the Hallmark rule (and I am certain by this point it IS a rule) that “Christmas” must be in the title. So why not just “Christmas at _ Manor”? That implies aristocracy of some sort, it’s just.... blaaaargh, this channel. Wait hey, look what google told me!

* I swear on my stories that I did NOT see that before I wrote this draft *

Interestingly the version that’s on You Tube is called the latter, so... ya got me. But legit, I am shocked that when you click the “info” on the TV, it says it’s only got 2 stars. It’s higher on IMdB. Probs high ratings, too. I’m not looking it up.

Right. So. Heughan is a *phenomenal* actor, there’s nothing more to say there, and McGrath is high above average for not just typical Hallmark fare, but TV in general. I knew I recognized her, and turns out she was in the short-lived TV series Dracula about 4 years ago (of which I watched the pilot and peaced out), and google tells me she plays Lena Luthor on Supergirl presently (which I don’t watch), but where my lightbulb went off was that she’s the chick who inexplicably got yanked away by a pterodactyl and eaten by the water dino in Jurassic World. She is a gorgeous woman whose hair is made to look atrocious and it’s Hallmark tradition, so nobody’s surprised. One thing is that you’re going to find that on occasion (and it’s few-and-far between) she over-enunciates some words and will rush random parts of sentences, and google tells me she’s Irish, so I get it. A word will sneak in once in a blue moon, but it’s not grating, not in the least, but it’s there. Anyway.

Roger Moore is solid, of course, and points to him for not slipping into Bond mode, and also for not playing it too gruff. The teen boy is a great actor as well - he can pull an angst face and verbalize frustration without it going petulant teen, which is so refreshing I cannot even. And the little girl has a slight Shirley Temple thing going on, holds her own with the adults. Thankfully the servants are all charming and several funny and endearing moments happen because of and with/about/surrounding them. (The narrator is the head butler, too - and fear not, it only happens at the top and at the finale, and are lovely bookends.)

Okay, the story: it kicks off with narration, and it is very well done and cheeky - “Once upon a time in a land called Buffalo there lived a girl names Jules...”  Jules --- ::sigh:: just call her Julie, ffs --- has gotten custody of her niece and nephew (about 6 and 14, respectively) after their parents (the Mom being Jules’ sister) died earlier that year. We find her in the midst of a shitstorm because she got fired from her job (and it’s a *very* cool job), the older kid shoplifted a game, and the girl drove away their babysitter with some pranks - she’s also apparently addicted to Doritos. Clearly they’re just processing, and high props to all involved for not taking it over the top. They’re just the right amount of troubled to where it’s not eyeroll-worthy on either the bratty end or the angsty end. She looks to be about 12 years older than the boy, so that’s another reason he’s probably not so with this arrangement, but she’s not harsh with him, she actually treats him like a person and tells him why his behavior is out-of-line and punishes appropriately, reminds him he’s not the only one who lost them, doesn’t go all authoritarian on him, another pleasant change in typical fare.

We find out that their dad was the son of a Duke of some wherever over in Jolly Ol’ - and THANK YOU SCREENWRITERS for keeping it simple and not making up some ridiculously-named kingdom tucked somewhere on the planet - but he gave up the title to marry a “commoner” and moved to America. Still, they get invited to the manor (”castle”? Didn’t look castle to me, but all right) and the brother of the Dad is Heughan’s character, Ashton, with whom Jules has some chemistry, yo. They get us there fast, about 12 minutes, and again against Hallmark type, those 12 weren’t crammed to the gills with backstory and prep work, because that stuff’s gonna unfold, we’ve got an hour twenty, we’re fine.

Heughan happens to technically be a prince (the faux land this must be for isn’t mentioned, again, bless you screenwriter) and it is easily explained without unneeded detail by saying “It’s through my mother’s side”. So I don’t know if that means the kids are lil’ princes and princesses because was Dad technically a prince? Or was he a half-brother? My point is, the Prince-Princess thing was unneeded - “A Duchess For Christmas” would’ve been fine, Hallmark. I promise. And maybe that’s what the writer intended, seeing as how his working script title had nothing about Princess in it. So it was a weird “Huh?” thing that happens a decent ways into the story, so it’s like....???? 

The rest of the movie goes how you think, but it’s got some genuinely charming moments, and it’s *entertaining*. See, Hallmark? You can take a basic storyline and not fill it with teenage-level angst, then dip it marzipan and roll it in sprinkles. Keep. It. Simple. Let the actors do their jobs. The hijinks aren’t over-the-top, the kids act and speak like actual kids - there’s actually a few lines out of Jules that I side-eyed more. Some of the music was too cutesy-quirky for my taste, but overall, like I said above, Night. And. Day. from the majority.  

The dress they put her in for the ball at the end is absolutely appropriate, it is lovely and isn’t overdone (hair, minus the clip in it, looks awful, of course) and - realistically! - it’s different from the other ladies’ without being drastically so. And also realistically, the crowd isn’t gawking because she’s now the best thing in the room, they’re gawking because a commoner is amongst them. 

Here’s why this gets a 4/5, and none of these are deal-breakers, but there’s just too many to justify a 5/5:

There is a dance scene that is embarrassing for everyone. But! I’ll be honest - their laughing looked real, I bet behind-the-scenes they’d gotten tickled at something, and Heughan throws all fucks out the window at one point, and bless him, because he saved it - the both of them had enough rhythm that it wasn’t altogether hide-your-eyes worthy; the better choice would’ve been to do the waltz he was teaching her to a more modern song, different tempo than the classic (I’m going blank on it, I feel like it’s the Blue Danube, but that’s irrelevant, anyway you’ll recognize it), throw in some relaxed improv steps. Snaps also to Heughan for faking playing violin well - and snaps to the director for some clever close ups that never quiiiiite give you a look at his (again, props - moving) fingers.

Second thing - the not-quite-climax set-up. I’ve not spoiled the others on the rec list, so I won’t spoil this one, either, but at about a half-hour til the end, the script goes with a trope and I just rolled my eyes. Granted, it didn’t go melodramatic and they saved it with a touch of a twist, and it is genuinely sweet. Still. Didn’t have to go the full distance, could’ve been taken care of while she was prepping to do what she did. I know that’s cryptic, you’ll get what I mean when you watch.

Third thing - the side-plot of the whoever-she-is Duchess or Lady something that expects Heughan’s character to marry her is WAAAAAAAY too much. And it’s the actress, it’s not the lines. Her choices of delivery are just bush league, even I know better and the only thing I’ve ever acted in is a third grade play. I was a Lucy VanPelt-type character (quelle surprise) and I kicked ass.

Other things: that whole “Huh? Prince, what?” stuff, and I could’ve done with a touch less shmoop ending, but the narration saved it.

Okay! There you go! A good princess movie! The rest are garbage. 

And never, ever watch “My Christmas Love”.

Love, Nash.

#11

This is it, folks, last entry. And by "folks" I mean the maybe three who are reading these, and thanks, hope you've enjoyed. But the ratio of work-to-response isn't motivating enough to continue, plus the season's about over,  and besides, this has covered in the ballpark of 20-ish movies. I think. I can't be bothered to count.  So here's the last speed run, I'll cover some more than others, and I'll also note one final time my Yes You Should Watch These 4-and-5 Star Rec List with any updates at the end, as well.  

You'll still get a post all its own (with screencaps to paint the full picture and an official, free link of where to watch) on the fanfic-y-est ickiest of all Christmas movies ever. It is too precious for words. I can't not write about it. And on top of that, I wrote an actual fic based on the same premise, because per usual  I have seen a travesty that had potential, worked it over, then said:

#humbly

And without further adieu: here's your speed round of the ones to avoid at all cost (the 1 and 2 stars) and a handful that were all right, I thought, but when it comes down to it are a matter of taste and you may love them (the 3 stars).  Oh, and spoilers in several places, because it's not going to matter because on tons of these you'll either (a) guess it yourself or (b) shouldn't waste your time.

I’m saving you, here.

Christmas in Angel Falls (Rachel Boston [a-gaaaaaaaain] - Hallmark)

"Guardian angel Gabby Messenger is sent to the town of Angel Falls to restore its Christmas spirit."

::sighs::

No. 

As predicted, it was pure schmaltz (my note actually says "suicide by schmaltz") and the usually charming Boston was annoying as hell.

1/5 stars . A Royal New Year's Eve (Jessy Schram - Hallmark)

This one was so grating. There's a prince, she's a fashion designer, it has a bit of a Cinderella undertone (if you watch it you'll see what I mean, there's some boss as pseudo-stepmother and friend as fairy godmother and dressmaking and hidden identity action sprinkled in) and know right now that the prince's accent is inexcusable, it is ear-burning. I looked the guy up because I had to know his nationality, to make sure that I wasn't off the beam and that this was just some weird subset of fill-in-the-bank accent to which I was unfamiliar, but nah, he's from goddamn Milwaukee. That a dialect coach or the director or SOMEBODY didn't speak up is embarrassing, I hope he realizes now and doesn't have this on his reel.  And as always, Jessy Schram is dialed to 11 on her typical coked-up mouse with flippy hair routine.

1/5 stars . Four Christmases and a Wedding (Nobody you'll know - Lifetime)

What? Huh? So the premise is he just keeps leaving for work and showing up again at the town Christmas festival with the shitty prom that happens afterward that they call a "ball" and I assure you it is not. They also kinda blew their wad in the title. Also-also, she's Perfect McBody but has had attached to her the trope of I LOVE FOOD GIVE ME ALL THE EATS which personally makes me sick.

1/5 stars . Christmas Everlasting (Tatyana Ali, Dennis Haysbert - Hallmark)

I mentioned this one in passing in an early entry, it's based on a book, so... not "original" totally. Here's why this one doesn't get onto the rec list - it's predictable. It's well-acted, but the story was weak, and I saw the "twist" coming a mile away, and granted - as stated prior somewhere in past entry - I happen to be bizarrely good at that, but I feel like you'd see it, too. Again, this could be the "fault" of the book, I don't know, I've never read it (it's called "The Other Sister", btw), I just judge the movie. Anyhow, it's the same ol' same ol' of big city gal comes home, dead family member (aforementioned sister - you know this immediately though, not a spoiler ), but rekindled lurve, and hey, she's gonna stay for good this time! Bonus appearance of Patti LaBelle, though, which is a bright spot. 

The thing that worked my nerves the most was that they inexplicably got actors to play the main folks in flashbacks to 10 years ago who look *nothing* like Ali and the lead male (whose name I unfortunately didn't note, but he was familiar to me), and I'm not just talking hair, that and clothes are what they're supposed to do for changes in time period, I'm talking distinct facial structure and skin tone and height. It was, on god, the most bizarre "young actor analog" (for lack of knowing another way of putting it) that I have ever seen on film in my life, I'm not exaggerating. The genuine, heartfelt acting of Ali and co. is what gets this bumped to a 3 vs. a 2, because I didn't think it was a *complete* waste of time, despite the meh story.

3/5 stars . Santa's Boots (Megan Hilty - Lifetime)

These are my notes verbatim:

--> family department store --> hot flannel Santa --> tree farm --> exec who comes home to save the family business and she's gonna stay 4eva! --> wtf do the boots have to do with anything, I don't.... --> 2/5 stars - 1 b/c hot flannel Santa - should be 1 star . A Christmas Arrangement (it doesn't matter - Hallmark)

Flower shop, check. "Arrangement", get it? ::sigh:: You'll just *love* the first ten minutes, where the lead says "no" and rebuffs and in general tries to get away from this dude about a zillion times. Byeeeeee! Nash will be out after the first 15 mins (I give these 15 mins before bailing), guaranteed. [time passes] I was right.  Angel Anna (a.k.a. the real Anael, thankyouverymuch) co-stars, and she's a better actress than the lead, who is absolutely grating in every way. Oh, and the font on the flower shop delivery van is Comic Sans. 

1/5 stars . Every Christmas Has A Story (Lori Laughlin, Colin Ferguson, and Willie Aames who, it should be noted, has not aged poorly nor has he had obvious plastic surgery yet at the same time looks nothing like himself so figure that one out - Hallmark)

This should've been called Christmas In Hollyvale (I *think* that was the town), but whatever, she's a reporter and he's her producer, so "story". Get it? GET IT?! Lori Laughlin does not age, and Colin Ferguson can pull a face and inject snark on Jensen-levels, and they have great chemistry, both are funny, and are great actors, then there's Doug ("The Crew") who is a delight. The hotel attendant is a bit annoying. The "mystery" she solves is meh. And though the overall premise is fine, the pacing is sloggy, but it's not necessarily a complete waste of your time because your two leads are such great actors.

3/5 stars . Now, here's one that's terrifically bad that I actually suggest you *might* want to watch because while it's not the jaw-dropping holy shit this is stupid ride that will be the final entry, this one's pretty fucking fan-fic-y and should give you some snickers:

A Cinderella Christmas (the chick from Once Upon A Time In Wonderland with lips that look so fake I hope they’re not real because otherwise bless her heart, Mindy Cohn, and doesn't matter - ION)

There is a get-together they have chosen to call a Chrismasquerade, and technically I don't think I have to say any more. But I will. Fuck, this is amazeballs stupid. Only redeeming thing? The always-delightful Mindy Cohn is in the fairy godmother role, I love her, and she has pinky-purple hair, and I always have/always will adore her sweet face and crinkled eyes smile.

Otherwise....

--> is shite music a pre-requisite for these movies?

--> our lead has *very* distinctive lips and her hair/eyes/lips combo look *nothing* like her cousin (the stepsister sub) even behind the half-face mask, so props to the casting department for whiffing the shit out of that

--> the dude is an incredible, unlikable asshat

--> "A Snow White Christmas" is premiering after this, and it's Sunday, and I'm going to host CASPN instead, but Imma go out on a limb and say it ain't worth your time, either

1/5 stars .

Get ready: shockingly for me, I'm about to give you a pair of 3-star trope-premised movies. I know, I know, unlike me. But these actually pulled it off. The trope?

*takes deep breath*

Pretend to by my boyfriend/girlfriend for my family . (1) A Holiday Engagement (Bonnie Summerville ???, and Jordan Bridges)

It's what you think, but not for terribly flaky reasons - she *was* engaged but the dick broke up with her at Thanksgiving. And in a pleasant change of pace, she doesn't get a friend-who-will-turn-to-more to play the part, she hires an actor. Smart girl. Bridges is another one of those random actors you see off-and-on who elevates everything he is in, and the chick is great, and the family is well cast, and the waiter at the restaurant made me laugh out loud. The whole thing is snappy in pace (lil' bit of filler, but that's par for the course with these movies) and has some snappy dialogue in places, and overall it's not a waste of time, not too shmoopy.

3/5 stars . (2) Mingle All The Way (Jen Lilley, Brant Daugherty, Lindsay Wagner - Hallmark)

Inventive concept here, though they kinda shit the bed with naming their business something affiliated with Christmas if it's clearly a year-round affair, but okay. What it is: a dating app that's not a dating app, it's purely for folks who need a +1 to specifically business/work social events, but also more formal family and friend events (so, say, Christmas party where it's not just family, or friend party that's not just show up in your jeans and sweaters - the cocktail stuff, is my point). The thing is, no one is pretending to be the boyfriend or girlfriend, it's supposed to be like "And this is Susie/Steve, an associate of mine from ____ business". Nothing romantic, no false pretenses, no lying to others (well... not supposed to wink-wink).

The chick - who runs the biz/came up with it/helped develop it - is needing to take on investors, and one of them is like "Sold! But can I get some firsthand testimonial? Have you yourself tested your product?" and since she's got shit coming up on her agenda, she does. Plus, her mom's on her ass about working so much and not dating since a bad breakup years ago, and it's compounded because baby sister just got engaged. (Mom is bionic woman Lindsay Wagner. She's not really bionic. Google it, youths.)

Dude is in a situation where he's not advancing at work because scuzzy kiss ass co-worker is shmoozing with boss during off hours because boss doesn't invite the single people to brunch or whatever with him and his wife, he's only inviting the ones who he knows has a partner to bring. I know to some of you this may sound absolutely ridiculous but, um, I've experienced this many times. This is not out of the realm. Not even a little bit. I had a gay boss who understood how this happens (likely because he experienced it) and he was wonderful about including everybody. Otherwise, yeah, I been there. I've digressed.

The leads have good chemistry, there was great snark and back-and-forth when they met each other a couple times prior to the set-up ('cause you guessed it: the app paired them with a high %age of compatibility - his sister suggested he do it after he heard about it on the news and he told her of his situation) and they click really well. There's touches of shmoop, of course, but this was an above-average story amongst the typical Christmas dreck, so it makes the rec list at 4/5 stars. 

Your rec list is now:

(5 of 5) The Christmas Ornament (Kellie Martin, Cameron Mathison, Jewel Staite - Hallmark)

(5 of 5) Love At The Christmas Table (Danica McKellar, Lea Thompson - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Every Other Christmas (Schuyler Fisk, Dee Wallace - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Operation Christmas (Tricia Helfer, Marc Blucas - Hallmark)

(4 of 5) A Very Nutty Christmas (Melissa Joan Hart, Barry Watson - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Mingle All The Way (Jen Lilley, Brant Daugherty, Lindsay Wagner - Hallmark)

That's all, kiddos! See you next time for the worst of the worst, complete with screencaps. You will *not* be disappointed.

#10

Okay, if I'm gonna get to the fanfic-y-est of all the Christmas movies - and it will easily take up an entire post -  we gotta tear through a bunch because the season's almost over and you're not gonna have time to avoid/find these, depending. So we'll hit a high point first (because I've added to the 4-to-5 stars you-should-actually-watch-these rec list), and tear through a bag of mixed nuts, including the third David Haydn-Jones... treat... nah, this third one is the best (?) so far... though, um, that ain't saying much. Woof. Yeesh.

As a reminder - 3/5 means they aren't exactly a waste of time, 2/5 are debatable/up to personal taste,  and of course 1/5 means I will never get that time back and I'm that much closer to death because of the movie and what it drained from my soul.

Let's kick off with one that may be my favorite, and got a 5/5 score, update the ol' You Should Definitely Watch This rec list...

.

Love At The Christmas Table 

(Danica McKellar, Lea Thompson, the guy who played Luke on Gilmore Girls, several character actors you'll recognize, and the lead dude is familiar too though his name doesn't ring bells - Lifetime)

Look, from what I can recall, ol' Danica was fine in "Wonder Years", but as I mentioned in a past post, something has happened over the years and girl can't act. It's distractingly bad, because she's typically paired with heavy-hitters (even if they aren't well known). So I'm not sure if it's that she and the lead male really clicked or she really clicked with the director, but it was night and day. This movie is also from 2012, so maybe it's just been tough going acting-wise since then. In any event, don't let any other of my other reviews of her dissuade.

But the script and the direction are both *fantastic*, and I suspect it's partly because the concept was kept nice and basic: A man realizes that his best friend since childhood is the one. Boom. Lots of room to get some good character development and plot progression, and they did, since it's not bogged down with a bunch of extraneous stuff.

There is so much delight packed into the first half hour, you will be grinning. The execution of it is nicely done, too - as we go through the years, each Christmas is prefaced by "Age ___" to let you know how much time has passed, and they look subtly different in appearance and attitude each time. The parents are phenomenal, you're going to enjoy each one of them. The interactions between all parties feel real. And more on feels, this almost feels like a play - it takes place in a house for like, 90% of the movie. But every set is very cozy and crowded with things and/or people (in a good way), and nothing seems like it was perfectly placed, it's how these locations would actually realistically look.

The worst thing I can say about this movie is that I really wish the two leads were other people. They had fantastic friend chemistry, but I tell ya, not a ton of spark when it started bending romantic. And there are plenty of actors who look younger than their age, and maybe that's what this needed, more mature actors who could realistically be shown as teens with some sweet hair/make-up magic. Or, again, could be Danica. I don't know. But she comes across *legions* more relaxed in front of the camera here than in others I've seen her in, so that little bump in road aside (and truly, it's not intolerable - it's noticeable, that possibly poor casting of them, but it's not going to pull you out of the story).

You're going to love the last fifteen minutes, what she does for her dad, how he's walking and talking with his parents when she sees what----- I can't say it. I *genuinely* do not want to spoil this for you. And then the very-very ending is *chef's kiss*.

I want you to watch this movie, especially you who are fans of friends-to-more. Because, I mean, there's a STORY, thank you lord. It's not regurgitated same-ol', same-ol'. This is a really great character-driven piece, and honestly? I wish it had gotten optioned to be on the big screen. I think it could've really been included with other heart-grabbing, fan-favorite romantic Christmas movies.

5/5 stars

The (now newly) updated rec list of well-worth-your-timers:

(5 of 5) The Christmas Ornament (Kellie Martin, Cameron Mathison, Jewel Staite - Hallmark) (5 of 5) Love At The Christmas Table (Danica McKellar, Lea Thompson - Lifetime) (4 of 5) Every Other Christmas (Schuyler Fisk, Dee Wallace - Lifetime) (4 of 5) Operation Christmas (Tricia Helfer, Marc Blucas - Hallmark) (4 of 5) A Very Nutty Christmas (Melissa Joan Hart, Barry Watson - Lifetime)

.

Christmas At The Palace (Not a person you'll have ever seen or heard of, ever - Hallmark)

I've regrettably watched "Christmas At The Palace" once through completely, and three times caught blocks of it because I basically leave these channels on all day, then when I pass by the remote, I'll flip through the main four giving us "originals" (Hallmark, Hallmark Movies & Mysteries, Lifetime, and the JV team over on ION), and that's that. This one has clearly been on *constantly*. And it sucks. Not one person - I'm not exaggerating - not *one* *person* in this movie can act. If you've ever imagined yourself in a movie or TV show and thought it impossible? Please let this movie give you hope. You can do it. Someone hired these people, they'll hire you.

Gives me hope writing wise, as well. What a septic tank of a script. Check it: once again we find ourselves in a royal circumstance where the prince is widowed or needs to get married because of blah-blah-law-queen -and-king -insist, who cares. This time though, he gets his Christmas boner --- I MEAN --- spirit via a former almost not quite professional ice skater. Seriously, they make a point to say she didn't make the Olympic team and isn't on the pro circuit, she choreographs for this travelling show thing. I mean characters with flaws, sure, but they shit on her in the first fifteen minutes. The whole movie in its entirety is embarrassing to watch. There is minor redemption in the (standard) best friends (one for each of the leads). They are.... tolerable. That's it, I almost said "okay", but I can't because they're so grating in most of their scenes.

And the two main gals? The lead and the best friend? Won't. Quit. Fucking. Smiling. I'm not exaggerating this - they are smiling easily 90% of the time. It is incredibly irritating. And there is zeeeeeeero chemistry between the prince and the ice skater.

Skip it. I can find something that's garbage enjoyable  in a So Bad It's Entertaining way, but this one is absolute stank garbage, and they are pimping it like it's the second coming.

1/5 stars

. Christmas In Tennessee (Rachel Boston [again], Andrew Walker, some kid with really jacked teeth, Caroline Rhea, and Patricia Richardson - Lifetime)

Aw, shit. Here we go. After the Graceland one with Kellie Pickler (which you'll not see me report on here because I couldn't sit still long enough to watch it because she can sing, but she sure as shit can't act) my hopes are not high, though they *were* renewed to a great degree with "Every Other Christmas", which if you'll recall is on my rec list for you.

Bakery. Christmas pageant. Real-estate suits coming after the teensy town to build a ski resort. One of them is cute man. She is cute baker. She is also a single mom. And there's a mysterious sweet woman "Mrs. C" who *loves* the cookies - and so did her husband "Kris" [wink-wink]

:: sighs ::

At least nobody's trying and failing to fake a Southern accent, god and small favors and all that.

Listen, all I want is for there to be some originality. That's it. I'm not looking for perfection, I mean, that's subjective, after all. (Well.) Just fucking... I mean, look: don't make her a single mom, to start. Don't make her a baker, second.  Keep your ski lodge in small town thing, fine, that's the conflict between them. But hey, what if she's the mayor? Have a Leslie Knope, politics-oriented, civil-service type as the lead character. Somebody who can go toe-to-toe and not have to sugar-sweet-charm her way around shit.

In any event, good acting from the leads, Caroline Rhea and Patricia Richardson are always good in everything, and there's some nice snappy dialogue. It's not too terribly saccharine. Fuck, fine, I'll stick it on the not a waste of time list it unless something goes way haywire. [time passes] Okay. I has a lil' smile on my face. It actually didn't typical too-too hard. The lead actors were great, everything seemed easy and casual between them. Too bad the plot was weak. Still though, didn't leave me feeling it was a total waste of time.

3/5 stars .

~ Let's do an Alicia Witt Trifecta! ~

. Christmas at Cartwright's (Alicia Witt - Hallmark)

"Nicky is a single mother, unemployed and broke at Christmas and desperate to find a job in order to make her young daughter's holiday a happy one. With the aid of an angel, she gets a job as a department store Santa." - It is pure cheese. Alicia Witt should stick with drama, hundred percent, it is astounding how pedestrian her acting skills become when she has to get sweet/touching/emotional in the absence of any heart-grabbing stakes (think Lily Sunder). So anyhow, this is some piss-poor amalgam of Miracle on 34th and It's A Wonderful Life, but I'm giving an extra star because kudos for making the chick the Santa. 

2/5 stars . Christmas on Honeysuckle Lane (Alicia Witt, Colin Ferguson, Laura Leighton - Hallmark)

This almost got off the naughty list purely because Colin Ferguson is a fucking delight in everything he's in, he's one of those "elevators" as I call them - Mark Sheppard is another good example - because they elevate anything they're in, however shlocky, and if it's actually good, they help make it even better. This, according to my notes, is "exposition dumps coated in cheese", and it's that ol' chestnut of the saving the family home and oh noes dead parents and big city gal back in town and wow she's gonna stay! You've seen many iterations of this movie, don't bother. The house is fabulous, though, I'd live in it in a hot second. 

2/5 stars (and that 2nd star is only for Ferguson - as stated before, Witt should stick to drama vs. awwww stuff)

. A Very Merry Mix-Up (Alicia Witt - Hallmark)

Once again, please welcome Alicia, this time en route to meet her future in-laws as a surprise to announce the engagement (well, and that he's been dating someone at all - he's a work-a-holic who never gets home much - matter of fact, he's stuck finishing up a deal and has to meet her there vs. ride together) and "through a serendipitous series of events" has to ride along with a dude who turns out to be her future bro-in-law, who proceeds to wreck her phone with a drink, and then wreck the car because he's distracted. The MD at the hospital tells them not to sleep for the next 24 hours and that they need constant monitoring.

(Couple things while I have you: The former is an old wives' tale, and as for the latter, if they need constant monitoring, they wouldn't be discharged, they'd be admitted for, you know, monitoring. Jeez this part was so stupid. It was so they could slumber party and bond. Because there was no other way to accomplish bonding than via stupid car wreck and representing med professionals as stupid. ::sighs::)

You know, this would be a great movie if the plot was that she was a con artist. It's not. But wouldn't that be great? And the romance comes in when she has a change of heart because shmoop-shmoop-shmoop first family Christmas she's ever experienced? WHY AM I NOT A SCREENWRITER HOW DO I SUBMIT THINGS TO PEOPLE

Anyway, we find out fiance is scum, and later we see that his family is stiff and cold and miserable and a bit *too* much of a contrast to the other family. There's a cookie baking scene, check. The leads have pretty good chemistry, though. But oh, quelle horror! Name mix-up! Wrong family! Oh noes! Anyway there's a thing with a story about grandparents and a clock that's legit creative and sweet... but at the very end, I don't get why t.f. he didn't put the ring they found on her finger.  This movie isn't a complete waste of time, there's just some choices in there that they whiffed that could've made it something special.  

3/5 stars

. Hey! Let's do another like that - but oh boy does this one take a turn.

Dashing Through The Snow (Meghan Ory, Andrew Walker)

You'll recognize Walker from the Tennessee movie with Rachel Boston, he's the one with the cheekbones you could cut diamonds on (no seriously, it's just skin on skull, it's mesmerizing) and you know Ory from lots of other stuff. Be warned: she is annoying as all-get-out in this movie, and it's tolerable, but it spikes every now and again into the I Want To Shake You territory.

This one is bugfuck bananas, and I am here for it.

So it's a eye-roll premise, she gets stuck when her flight reservation gets screwed and then there's no rentals so she and this guy who are going in the same direction agree to share a rental. 

Here's the thing: she's gonna work your nerves, I'll tell you up front. She's this whimsical perky but anal retentive ball of AAAAHHHHHH!!! SHUT UP!!!! that made me quit watching this movie the first time. I went back to it when it re-ran for one reason, and one reason only, and it is this:

After she makes a fuss at the counter to the attendant at the airport about her reservation being fucked up, when attendant is on the phone, she sneaks through to get to the other side (because, y'know - this is the Get On Plane side, over yonder is the Get Off Plane Side where it's easier to get to rental car vs. walking across the airport), and we learn that attendant wouldn't let her board and lied about the whatever was wrong and is on phone because homeland security or feds or whatever are there because some chick with her same name is an international criminal.

Phew! Out of breath.

Now, you have to overlook the fact of why would an international criminal who knows how to evade authorities all the sudden (a) use her real name and (b) make a fuss/a scene and (c) get herself caught all over cameras so that the authorities now know what she looks like for the first time in years. I'm warning you now. I know. I *know*. It's a piss-poor way of going about this, even though it does get explained in, like, the last 40 minutes and with a "Really?" sort of reasoning. But, interesting and unique plot, so I'll take it. There’s also a wonderfully cute puppy who lights up the screen, totes steals the show.

So, there's a "twist" that I didn't find to be twisty, I called it the moment ___ interact early on, but that's okay, I can let that go, I guess the endings of easily 95% of movies I watch (blessing/curse). But - AGAIN! - interesting and unique plot, so I'll take it. Only reason it didn't make a 3 is how annoying Ory's character is, and how stupidly they portray the FBI, with not listening to their top agent when he says "We're wrong - she had her identity stolen - call off the op." It’s not a “1″ but it may be a “3″ for you, you’ll have to make the call. But for me.... 

2/5 stars

. Hope at Christmas (The lead chick is familiar, her name is Scottie Thompson - Hallmark)

Single mom! Precocious daughter! Returns home to deal with dead grammy's house! Meet cute in bookstore! Mom not terribly into Christmas because kid will be with her dad! She slowly gets back into it! Plans on going back to big city! Ends up staying! Because lurve!

None of the acting was bad (I mean, the little girl is annoying after awhile), but as noted, the story is the same as most others. You make the call, folks. And you'll be able to, I've caught it airing after my initial viewing no less than four or five times, no joke.

2/5 stars . The Sweetest Christmas (Lacy Chabert - Hallmark)

This is about a gingerbread contest. It is boring as fuck. Skip anything involving Lacey Chabert, trust me, this is the only one I managed to make it all the way through, and believe me when I say it was touch-and-go, I had to make myself in order to give her a fair shake. I've never thought she could act, though, to me her voice is less delicate and more whiny, and besides, she's Poor Man's Jennifer Love Hewitt #sorry not sorry  

1/5 stars . Just In Time For Christmas (Doesn't matter, though William Shatner does show up driving a horse-drawn carriage - Lifetime)

Meet Lindsay, a young - too young to be up for tenure, bee-tee-dubs - psychology professor has to choose between a book deal and tenure track at a prestigious university versus accepting the marriage proposal from her longtime, totally adores, really loves him (they are VERY pointed about establishing this) boyfriend. But hey, screenwriters, got a thought, and hear me out: why not both? But I get it, since this movie is from 1975, oh shit sorry, 2015. Yeah, no. Pass.

1/5 stars

. And finally, DHJ.  This is gonna be short and sweet, because on the whole, it blew. But I'll tell you when/where you can watch the fourth, since I won't be covering it and it's gonna come on at an ungodly hour and I likely won't watch it. It sounds like ass.

A Bramble House Christmas (David Haydn-Jones, Autumn Reeser - Hallmark)

The premise is he's a children's book illustrator who comes to this little town under the guise of getting inspo for his next book, but really he's supposed to be confronting the nurse's aid to whom his now-deceased (and estranged) father left a shitton of cash, giving her an injunction (to the will) on behalf of himself and his sister.

But then, lurve. :::sigh:::

Understand up front that this is an hour's worth of "movie" that was stretched into 2 hours, man oh MAN did it drag. And there's all the typical: ice skating where one person sucks; cookie baking; tree decorating (with garish, not subtly-done product placement); also tree in the town square that is visited and "oooh"-ed upon; and precocious child with some oh-noes-sick-kid frosting on top. It is dreck. The premise, sure, okay, that's decently original, but the rest of the story is basic bitch in a bow.

At fifteen til quittin' time, it got straight dumb. She rushes off after she finds out the truth - on Christmas Farging Eve - packing up her and the kid and saying they're off to the airport. How? What? You got no ticket, bitch, where the fuck do you think you're going? Ugh. Idiotic.

One thing, though: if you can get to this in a manner that you can skip to about the 45 minute mark, do it. There is a *moment*. The way DHJ can pull an old Hollywood leading man *look* that says "My dear, I want to kiss you, and well" is a sight to behold.

2/5 stars (one of which is automatic, because DHJ elevates everything he’s in) . You can see the fourth DHJ movie - A Cookie Cutter Christmas - on Hallmark at 1 a.m. CST on Saturday the 22nd of December.

One last entry (#11, tomorrow or Sunday) then a #12 all its own for the pièce de résistance. I'm not overselling it. It is deliciously ridiculous.

#9

Candace Cameron Collection check-in: "Switched For Christmas" is absolute nutterbutters. It is ridiculous and it knows it, so it goes full throttle. I am really impressed with her acting, doing the identical twin thing must be a bitch and a half to film, and she pulls it off. The split screens are well done, too, and not just for TV movie, I mean it's good-good. I'm telling you nothing about the plot. It's sugary sweet, you'll get cavities, and it's not my jam but I couldn't turn it off so that means.... something, I don't know. There was no wine involved, I swear. It's on Lifetime.

But nevermind all that: I know I promised the fanfic movie to end all fanfic movies, but I'd forgotten I promised *before* that to talk about the next David Haydn-Jones feature.

So, last night (read: early this morning, and as of this writing so it may not have been last night at the time you read this) when insomnia struck (read: woke me out of a dead sleep to say HEY IT'S 2 A.M. AND SHIT'S KICKING OFF ON HALLMARK),  I groggily turned on the TV at about 15 after, and to what my wondering eyes did appear?

Hoo-boy. The look on his face says it all. 

Now, as you know, initially DHJ tried to dodge my investigation. It did not work. And I found him trapped between an over-the-cute-line-into-annoying cotton-topped child and Winnie Cooper in "My Christmas Dream" (Hallmark).

And sweet babby jeebus, did he carry this movie.

I like Danica McKellar in real life - not from having met her or something, I mean because she's a giant ol' nerd, she's a mathematical genius, legit (look it up, I can't do everything, I'm shouldering these movies, my brain can't handle it) and she *sparkles* in interviews. Having said that, she's got Claire Novak Syndrome. Put the actress who plays Claire (I can never remember her name, I've no idea why) in front of a camera and it's all dolly dead-eyes, one trick pony angst... and in everything I've seen her in, I've talked about it before, I won't rehash. Danica’s opposite in that she’s ooooooooverdoing everything. I would actually take some flatness. But it’s still Claire Novak syndrome because something fucking happens when the camera starts rolling and it goes unnatural and awkward to watch. Dunno what it’s about. Who cares, not why we’re here.

Anyway, I am only touching on this movie for DHJ purposes, otherwise I wouldn't bother, it’s not worth the time to watch or tell you about, truly. It’s not the worst, but even he seems to be phoning it in for the most part. So. She's a department store exec and he's an artist that's been doing handyman work, they hook up when his *incredibly* annoying child somehow gets to the store on his own to ask if his dad can work there, she gets him home, her car battery's dead, flirting ensues, blah blah biscuits, stir and bake til crispy, and it'll still be sloggy goo in the middle. It's just straight dumb. Don't waste your time. They have negative-integer chemistry, it's pretty embarrassing to watch, honestly.

1 out of 5 stars, and that 1 is all for DHJ.

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That was short, let's pop off a couple more:

Marry Me At Christmas (I didn't note the network or the "stars")

Horrid hair gal meets sentient Ken doll-Archie Andrews hybrid whilst planning his sister's wedding on the fly. Small charming town. He's big city, Hollywood, specifically. Yes, it's the prince and the commoner tale but instead of a prince he's a movie star. Cue the blecccchh. As it's called Marry Me At Christmas, they kinda blew their wad in the title, the sister's wedding goes through as planned, so no drama ahead there.

I really can't say enough about how badly they did her hair. She's got super-curly hair naturally, and I'm not a hairdresser and even *I* know the answer isn't Weigh It Down With Product And Hard, Then Don't Even Finger-Comb It, So It Lays Flat Pancake From Scalp To Ear, Then In Creepy Porcelain Doll Spirals To Shoulders. She looks great when she's in a hat and it's an outdoor scene and it gets tousled. But it's distracting the rest of the time, is my point. Oh, then they inexplicably straighten it for the wedding - curly hair can look *gorgeous* in a formal updo. The one time they didn't leave it curly. 

Yes, this is the only thing worth discussing in the entire movie. Not even worth the bingo card. 1 out of 5 stars.

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Speaking of hair:

Entertaining Christmas (Hallmark) - Jodie Sweetin, Brenden Fehr

Her hair, it's all I can focus on - it's this weird Southern mom bouffy thing when it's not pulled back somehow. Also distracting - and this is a lovely woman, if you've not seen her since she was a child on Full House - are the ill-fitting, unflattering clothing they've put her in. It appears Ms. Sweetin and I share an affliction of the stems, that being... (deep breath) ...hi my name is Nash and I have the legs of a linebacker. It's true. And not a ton of muscle definition, because when I do? Hoo-boy. Heavy-duty linebacker. Best they're left alone. 

Point is, if gals like us do skirts, it ain't flattering to go above the knee, it's just not, it wrecks the silhouette and makes our already chunky-monkey legs look even bigger. And dammit if they didn't do it to her, and not even bother to put her in tights. This woman has huge hooters and a tiny waist, they could've had her rocking some crisp black slacks or a pencil skirt that hit mid calf and a snug lil' cashmere sweater and BOOM, you're channeling Mansfield and Monroe. Bonus that she's a natural blonde. But no, let's put her in matronly above-the-knee shapeless polyester-looking dresses. Ugh.  

Okay, anyway - this is actually a decently inventive plot: she's the daughter of a Martha Stewart type, and she's "poised to be the new face of the brand" - problem is she suuuuuucks at all the cookie making and knitting and whatever. She's also of the thought that imperfections and unique family traditions are more awesome than the largely unattainable perfect-perfect blah-blah from mommy's magazine. I'll give them this: the mom is awesome and nice and kind and understanding, they were smart not to cliche it up and make her a hardass.

But even though it was a creative plot, it just slogs and is so bleh. If you haven't guessed the ending by that synopsis, I don't know what. It's, um... I mean... it's not great, but may appeal to some, so I didn't put it in the This Is A Horrific Attempt At A Nice Lil' Christmas Movie pile. Take that as you will.

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Let us end on a semi-positive note:

Christmas Pen-Pals (Lifetime) - Sarah Drew (who?), character actor you'll recognize immediately (for those of a certain age, it's the dad from Family Ties), other people you'll never have seen before in your life

This should've been called Christmas Cupids because it's about a thing called Christmas Cupids. The people behind these movies are *killing* me.

This one's good, and mainly because the premise is great, it's about secret santa in a potentially match-making way, but hey could also make a good friend. The set-up is that Drew chick is a total brain and she wrote an algorithm for a match-making app but it's so scientific it's boring and as her business partner at said app company put it, it takes away the spark. Which is kinda dumb, because you get the spark when meeting the other person, ain't none of these dating apps giving you in-person spark. Whatever, they're losing users so they need a kick. I missed the part about how she re-worked an electronic app into handwritten letters, but that's neither here-nor-there.

I'm not gonna tell you who she ends up with - you'll guess it nearly immediately, don't worry - but know that even though it's predictable, there's several really sweet and unique moments that I haven't seen in all these other 50,000 carbon-copy Christmas movies. The acting on the part of our leading lady is a little extra, and the other lead is a little flat, and the flow/cadence to the story isn't quiiiiiiite there, but I'm giving it 3/5 stars, so it's not on the rec list, but not a waste of your time.

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And just to recap the rec list thus far...

(4 of 5) Every Other Christmas (Schuyler Fisk, Dee Wallace - Lifetime) (4 of 5) Operation Christmas (Tricia Helfer, Marc Blucas - Hallmark) (4 of 5) A Very Nutty Christmas (Melissa Joan Hart, Barry Watson - Lifetime) (5 of 5) The Christmas Ornament (Kellie Martin, Cameron Mathison, Jewel Staite - Hallmark)

We'll see about doing a rapid-fire round-up next time, and maybe doing The Christmas Fanfic Movie That Out-Fanfics All The Fanfics And The Christmas Movies, but I legit want to watch it all the way through (I only caught the last half) so I can make sure I'm reporting accurately to the three people who are reading these (not bitter don't care doing it anyway).

I'm not overselling this, by the way. I'm not. It is *deliciously* bad.

#8

Okay, as a reminder, the only movies which I've given over 3 stars/would actually recommend you spend your time on (and keeping in mind that a "5" does not mean it's a great movie, it just means it's not overly sad nor overly shmoopy, and doesn't hit a grotesque amount of recycled plots on the bingo card) are: . (4 of 5) Every Other Christmas (Schuyler Fisk, Dee Wallace - Lifetime) (4 of 5) Operation Christmas (Tricia Helfer, Marc Blucas - Hallmark) (4 of 5) A Very Nutty Christmas (Melissa Joan Hart, Barry Watson - Lifetime) (5 of 5) The Christmas Ornament (Kellie Martin, Cameron Mathison, Jewel Staite - Hallmark) . Those last two we haven't talked about yet, so I'll cover 'em at the end of this entry - first we're gonna shoot through the ones that aren't a complete waste of time and have recycled shtick, true, but aren't teeth grinding due to the acting or directing or whatnots.

And we're doing this because next update, I'm going to spend the whole thing on where you can find the Whyenne some of you love so dearly, you reblog her every chance you get. It's her. It. Is. HER. Every mannerism, every word, every---- well, I'm spoiling. That's for next time.

Okay, these are all in the 2-to-3 Nash star ballpark...

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Dear Secret Santa (Tatyana Ali, Lamorne Morris) --> there's too much singing for padding the runtime --> you may like it more/find it more satisfying than Sandra Bullock/Keanu Reeves "The Lake House", and that's all I'm telling you plot-wise

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Kristin's Christmas Past (Shiri Appleby) --> it's exactly what you think it's about by the title --> there's a really cute, snicker-worthy scene near the start with her younger self, and part of it reminds me of the vibe of the rapid-fire convo in Mystery Spot

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A Twist of Christmas (Vanessa Lachey, and someone called Brandon Zub - I think - who is delightful) --> A dad and a mom are shopping for their kids and their bags get mixed up and blah-blah-blah ensues because they're opposites in many ways, but I didn't find it terribly grating --> it's an adorable sort-of snarky-sweet

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Road To Christmas (Jessy Schram, Chad Michael Murray) --> nice premise, he's a good actor, and she's... well... ::sigh:: --> this chick in everything I've seen her in... she apparently has one gear, and that gear is coked-up mouse that skitters everywhere with her barrel-curled hair vibrating around her head... but in this one, she chills as the movie goes, so it's tolerable

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A Christmas to Remember (Mira Sorvino, Cameron Mathison) ---> This aaaaalmost got on the rec list but I can't because the plot is weaksauce "Overboard" (80s movie, Goldie Hawn & Kurt Russell, it's hilarious)... -->...but it wasn't the worst, because these two are such good actors, they sell it, and it's sweet, and keeps good pace, so there ya go

Okay, to the goods - next time we'll talk about the ass disasters - and one specifically that I 100% guarantee the fluff fans amongst us will love, despite my ripping it a new one. Which I'm going to do. Because of all these I've watched, the one we'll talk about legit flabbergasted me on many levels.

A Very Nutty Christmas

I am slightly biased because Melissa is a friend of a friend (sister-in-law, specifically) and she is good people, a hard worker, and a smart (heh) cookie. She knows what roles she nails (sharp wit, no shmoop, strong chicks), so that's what projects she and her mother choose (they produce most everything Melissa's in), she stays in her lane, is my point, so if you agree with that assessment, then you're good to go, this is classic Melissa Joan Hart fare.  

She's a baker, but not some "Waahhh this is hard" sort, and there's no competition, it's nothing but what you'd expect - lotsa cookie orders at Christmastime, but again, she's not super-duper stressed, she’s got the appropriate level of “let’s go, people!”. Now, here's the cheese that I don't want to chase you away: her decorative Nutcracker comes to life (Barry Watson) and helps her out. 

I know, I knoooow. And listen, at the first scene with him, you're gonna think that Barry'll be working your nerves through the rest - I sure as shit did - but stick with it, he ends up being very charming. You may actually be wooed. The character is completely sincere in all he does and says, and you’re happy to see her have this sort of person in her life, because she puts a lot on herself, and boy is that totally relatable.

Other good stuff is you'll recognize all the secondary characters (their actors, I mean), with the exception of the ex boyfriend, but he's well cast, he doesn't play the smarmy too heavily. There's also a good song behind the (standard) montage for once, and smart smart smart is their limited usage of Tchaikovsky outside of the blip of the ballet that we see. And kudos for that, too, limiting the ballet's role in the movie.

The whole thing is tied up with a very satisfying ending. It's fluff done right....

The Christmas Ornament

....and here's angst done right.

This isn’t about an ornament being magical or something how you might think from the title, I promise. It’s significant, but not in some otherworldly way. The situation(s) are absolutely plausible, it’s a believable story, and there’s not all this exposition that explains the characters’ backgrounds, it all unfolds organically, and you’re honest-to-god rooting for them, no matter if the story has them together at the end or not - you’re gonna find yourself saying “I’m okay with this happening for them either way, whether they stay friends or if it evolves.” On that note, kudos to the writer: Cameron’s character is very empathetic and doesn’t push Kellie’s character, not even once - he pushes her to get “out there” and interact with people and be social more than she has been, yes, but in a good friend sort of way (and Jewel’s character is doing the same - it’s in the “we care about you” way).

And this movie looks *fantastic*. The cinematographer and editor gave it big-deal-theater-movie-level treatment, no kidding. Some beautiful shots, especially some lingering ones at the ice rink. Bless the music supervisors, too - no shitty distracting music, and no one (if memory serves) sang for an extended period of time, if at all (I really don’t think anyone sang). Jewel Staite is a treasure, and for once the side-friend was actually necessary to the story, she was well-used.

I also liked it because Kellie’s character is self-assured in many ways, fragile in some ways - in other words, she’s real and she’s relatable. I took issue with one teensy thing, I didn’t track with how it was she was the one to apologize for a misunderstanding, because she actually wasn’t far off base; what she thought made sense for (1) how he’d behaved toward her, and (2) what she’d seen, and (3) what she knew because of what he’d told her prior. In any event, that’s the only real “flaw” (and it could just be a Nash thing) that I saw. This one’s well worth your time. 

  #7

This entry’s about “Dear Santa” (Lifetime), part of the David Haydn-Jones quadrangle Christmas tangle. The plot sounds decent - cheese, but decent. I love Amy Acker, and I love DHJ, this should be a cakewalk.

[15 mins.in] Oh. Oh, my.

Yeah, I'm busting out the Cheesy Christmas Movie Bingo Card, it'll be at the end. Let's see if we can get a win. At a minimum, I think we're gonna be checking a lotta boxes.

Other than our leads, we have poor man's Sean Hayes as gay best friend (h/t @butiaintgonnaloveem) on the scene, and he's outfitted in hot pink chef gear - AT THE SOUP KITCHEN - so that everybody's clear he's a card-carrying member of The Gay. 

Shitty acoustic guitar riffs, cool.

Precocious child plays the flute... and shittily.

There's a homeless man whose shtick is that he won't come inside, never a roof over his head again, and I wanna know (do I?) where he's taking his dumps.

Related, the music continues to be shitty, and I mean toilet-clogging.

Ice skating "lesson", check.

Holy fucknoodles, two grown women are in a food fight. I do not get why Dollar Store Justine Bateman (the snippy girlfriend, the one that is so off-putting it is beyond the realm of possibility that this kindhearted and jovial man is even remotely interested in her despite knowing each other a long time) is so vitriolic, as she's known Amy Acker about five minutes. 

THIS MUSIC

Christmas wish, check.

The green screen effect behind rich mommy checking in from the Caribbean is such ass, I am shocked. You Tubers have better green screens. How do you fuck up a green screen? You're a goddamn cable channel whose focus is movies. TV local news manages to do it with weatherpeople multiple times a day.

Acker and Jones save this dreck. The kid ain't half-bad, either. But they are the types of actors that everything out of their mouths just flows so naturally, even when the plot is ass. I love this Angel-SPN match-up.

JEEBUS HAROLD CRICKET he just said that they are *five* *figures* *deep* in back rent on the soup kitchen and - I quote - "I guess the bank's out of good will".  DO YOU THINK?!

"I thought little girls loved to play the flute" is a line that was just uttered, and bless DHJ for actually getting it past his lips.

I forgot to mention, Acker's displayed some guilt a couple times now because earlier, there was a meet-cute (okay, apparently a near-run-over) incident with a mail carrier, a letter flew out, and - I *must* quote @butiaintgonnaloveem here again - then "instead of giving it back, she commits mail fraud and opens it." 

Now, the guilt is because it's the lil' tyke's letter to Santa, asking him for a new mommy (dead parent/spouse, check) and she's also feeling guilt over tracking them down (why? boredom? sure, that's gotta be the reason, because to remedy the letter situation, you glue that shit shut and stick it in a mailbox, it's just going to an incinerator at the mail station anyway), but it's this misplaced Christmas wish that perplexes me. It's not like she nicked a bill or a wedding invitation or something that's actually important.

I'M A GRINCH

Oh he owns a snowplow business? That name again is Mr. Plow (Simpson's song ref, google Mr. Plow, I'm sure it's somewhere). And it's the song I wish I was hearing, this music is eardrum-thumping. It is a slobbery wet willy. It is *achingly* bad.

He just stared longingly at her and licked his lips, FML.

Now Acker's acting like a snotface. I don't dig it. I'd be cool with her being sharp and not taking the shit from Justine but being classy about it, they've got her being balls-out bitchy.

Why is it taking so long for the wealthy girl to be like HERE IS CASH MONEY FOR YOUR SOUP KITCHEN YOU BEAUTIFUL CREATURE DAVID HAYDN-JONES --- like I get your charge cards or whatever are snipped, but go sell some jewelry or clothes from last season and shit.

She had the letter in her clutch? She's carrying it around with her? Why? WHY?!? I hate stupid  writing. I hate it. Worse is that it's lazy. HATE. Why was it in her purse? Because someone needed to find it. And there was no other possible way to accomplish that, than having one of your leads be an absolute fuckwit, right? GRRRRRRRRRRR that stuff just works my nerves.

The confrontation scene is good. Neither are over the top. 

Well how's about that? Her Christmas present check will cover the soup kitchen's debt!

Enough with the shitty guitar riffs, it's like I'm watching an SPN ep, and, no, that's not a compliment.

The longest montage for padding runtime is happening, and with another shitty song (but a tolerable one, despite the singer faking a lot of catches in her voice - I would know, I have a natural catch in my singing voice that I had to fight like a mofo for about six years in choir, but I've digressed, just tuck that nugget into your Nash file), showing Acker moping and DHJ sighing, then him running by the soup kitchen to sit in his snow plow and angst, and then....

....oh lookee there! She did the thing. Sean Hayes - in a sheer v-neck inexplicably over a long-sleeved cotton shirt like I'm presently wearing because it's what I lounge/sleep in, with a Coach neckerchief to top it all off (on god, I cannot make this up) - is now sassing DHJ, saying the letter thing was fate. And I mean... yeah, it was, right? Whatever, if DHJ was single and I had the chance, I'd be happenstancing my way near him as much as (and smoothly as, natch) possible.

I CAN BE SMOOTH SHUT UP

Smooches near the town tree square or whatever it is. And now we're back, and now the homeless dude has agreed to come inside, and we still have absolutely zero idea why he doesn't like being inside, and they have (checks time) less than 2 minutes to resolve it.  *see below*

Nope. That's it. That's how it ends. The homeless man came inside. Because that was the primary arc. 

No. It wasn't. 

It should end with us seeing him come in, sure (I'll ignore the boom of Chekov's Gun firing in the background), but we end NOT with the moment between DHJ and random homeless dude - which, again, let me be clear is *exactly* what happened - but rather with him coming in and all the rest of the homeless comrades and staff and Acker and Jones greeting them, then we see our two main characters and the kid sitting down like a family, pull back, we see them through the window in which Christmas tree lights are reflecting, pull back further, it starts to snow, cut to credits. 

Imma give this one 3 stars outta 5. It wasn't a total ass disaster, but it wasn't that great. It was okay. The Bingo card concurs, as it didn't get filled up, but it got damn close to being a 2/5 (in my mind, every bingo = a point off because it means it’s so unoriginal a damn bingo card could’ve written it):

Addendum:

Butiaint reports that "the homeless guy wouldn't go inside because the last building he walked into was a casino and he lost 'every last penny', so he could never 'just step inside ever again'," to which I, very calmly, replied --->

I'll do an addendum.... that still doesn't... I don't.... what? That's.... why not just say he can't make himself sit down for a homecooked meal because it causes him too much pain because his family died in a car wreck going out Christmas shopping and a dinner/meal was his last memory of them? It didn't need to tie into the money thing with her, that thread was fine on its own.... goddamnit I hate stupid writing

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Back to quick round-ups and arbitrary ratings of a bunch of movies in the next one, once I get my notepad transcribed.

  #6

For some reason, this whole entry morphed into a recap of "Holiday High School Reunion" with Rachel Boston (Lifetime). You'll recognize this gal, she's been in others for Lifetime, and I personally recognized her for the pretty damn entertaining, sadly short-lived Witches of EastwickEnd series. It was a fan-frikkin'-tastic cast of awesome women, they made any sloggy scripts watchable. I digress.

I immediately empathized with this character because not even a quarter of the way into the movie she's (a) dreading her high school reunion, and (b) hates social media because she doesn't wanna have to justify/be asked about/etc. her life, as she's not where she wants to be. I personally would add onto that the distinct apathy regarding the details of everyone's life. It's either veneered in fabulous or dipped in drama-filled Debbie Downer. Blecchhh. I've digressed again.

There's been a brief funny daydream - if they do more, I'm in, it was pretty cute. And there's been a brilliant piece of screenwriting in this movie, and I want to share it for my writer buddies because it was a *pristine* show-don't-tell.

(Let me say here real fast, to paint you a picture,  that she's dressed casually - hoodie, and I think lounge-y pants or maybe pajama pants, or maybe just jeans, can't recall - because it's clearly way past end of workday, and the character I'm about to talk about is in a crisp white button-down and tie and suit slacks.)

Her father arrives to find her on a porch that's covered in strings of Christmas lights wound around the poles/pillars/whatever you call them of the railings, and around the trimwork of the house, and they're these great pops of vivid colors in the night, first of all. So we're seeing her standing there, smiling and happy to see him, and what's in the foreground is a series of bulbs along the window or door frame, and one of the bulbs is out.

Instead of truly greeting his daughter, first thing he does as they barely start chatting, and while she's speaking, is saunter over right into frame, blocking our shot of her, and give that bulb a twist til it lights.

My immediate thoughts: He's a dick. He likes everything just so. He enjoys perfection. He's not interested in effort, just execution. He zeroes in on faults. He actively ignores/doesn't care about the fact that his daughter is happy to see him. He doesn't consider her important enough to receive his attention first and foremost. He's a supreme dick. And he's gonna make her feel like shit for where she is in life, which is her biggest insecurity, which he should know, because that's how good dads operate. But he's not a good dad. Not at all. And I bet he's about to donkey punch her feels.

All that from a twist of a bulb.

And I was right: he proceeded to make her feel like shit by being snotty about her job and comparing her to his golf buddy's daughter. Then she still managed to sit back down at her laptop and focus on what she was doing and smile a genuine smile, and now I like her and feel for her even more. No one would have blamed her if she cried, or snapped at him, or slammed her laptop closed and had an Angst Attack, and those would be writing choices too. But the choice is for her to make the best of things.

We also know this because it is reinforced with another good show-don't-tell via actions (versus her announcing it ad nauseam or other people saying it ad nauseam), when red punch gets spilled on her white dress at the reunion and the snobs are like "Ohmigawd!" and gasping, she goes "Well I think it looks kinda cool!" She does snag a cardigan because she's aware it's an eyesore, so yeah, she's lying to herself. It's clearly a survival mechanism, her childhood must've been a dream with a father like she's got (rolls eyes).

And the lie(s) she tells is to avoid the drama of not living up to the "Most Likely To Succeed" superlative, and even then it's a relatively minor lie, she's not making herself super-duper fabulous because she doesn't feel super-duper presently. She's cheerful without being obnoxiously Pollyanna, and her dynamic with her best friend (you'll recognize him, too, he's the dude who dated Regina George and who Cady had a crush on in "Mean Girls") is phenomenal, they have great chemistry and I'll be honest, I see where this is going and I've got some faith in these screenwriter(s) that they'll actually pull it off smoothly.

There's been a dance/song routine and it is horrific and I hate it. I hate it hard. It's stupid and lasts too long and is purely for padding the runtime. But. It had a good point, albeit one that could’ve accomplished in less time. The three queen bees who were her fake friends in high school, and are her fake friends now, all remember this routine to a pristine degree, and of course we see our girl whiff it the more it goes on, she knocks over a prop, turns this way when she should've turned that way, and I feel her - high school is utterly forgettable. 

I’m about to digress, so skip the indent if it doesn’t apply to you - anyone reading this who is currently a senior? 

Enjoy it, it's your last year, enjoy being kings of the hill. I liked my senior year for several reasons but the biggest one was that I was getting the hell out of there. I was liked, I was decently popular and I made good grades and was in honors choir,  but I wasn't top-tier popular or the head cheerleader or the valedictorian or homecoming queen or always having a boyfriend, none of that, and what I was? That stuff I just listed?

None of it matters. I've not been to any reunions, because I don't care to reminisce. Not that it was horrible or something, it was... *shrugs*. I'm still friendly with the people I went to high school with, ended up going to college with a couple of 'em, matter of fact, and I like who we are as adults tenfold vs. who we were in high school. Because as grown-up as you feel? You're a child. You're all children. I was a child. We were all children (even the couple of gals who, um, had children/were preggers before all was said and done and diplomas hit hands). We were. It just is.

So I assure you: the people who still wistfully think about high school, the ones who "peaked" in high school? There's something mentally still childlike about them, and I don't have the time nor the inclination to deal with man/woman-babies. I'm a grown-up. So believe me when I say that life is about to open up like a motherfucker. And if you did happen to peak in high school? Leave that behind, too. Resting on childhood laurels won't serve you well, because other than some of those accolades getting you into college? Nobody - and I mean nobody - in grown-up world cares about that shit.  

Oh christ another song. And a daydream (pseudo-flashback? hard to say, I was getting a snack). But again, more reinforcement of how high school doesn't matter to her but super-matters to others, in this case how she (former head cheerleader) didn't place give much memory real estate to how she'd broken off things with high school boyfriend (former quarterback), but it's like the first thing he asks about as soon as they're alone.

"Wow well... that was a long time ago," she says, starting to think back, then ultimately says - "I thought you were cheating on me."

He totally was, I don't even need to see a flashback, hundred percent, he's scum.  Whoa shit, speaking of - another flashback whilst kissing him, but whoa shit part two, it went to a fun, happy memory with best friend. Not subtle, this movie - of course she'll end up with him.

The divas are now in the bathroom gossiping about her and don't know she's in there. Again, the not caring, this time more blatant - "She ruined the routine!" - "It's like she doesn't even care" - "Can't believe she broke up with him on prom night" - "He deserves better".

One of these bitches was the one he was cheating with, no doubt. They also talk about how one of them called around, found out her job wasn't what she passed it off as, that she's a wardrobe assistant vs. a right-hand-(wo)man to this swank designer. The Queen Bitch calls her "nobody", and the minor bitches are saying how they're her best friends and wondering why she wouldn't tell them the truth. Hey, cheerleaders: Gimme a D! Gimme an E! Gimme an L! ....fuck, this is gonna take too long.... Gimme a USIONAL! What does that spell? DELUSIONAL! *pom shakes* *high kick* *herkie* *round-off-back-handspring*

Oh lord why is she doing a weird impromptu cheer routine.... best friend jumped in to support and encourage and some people seemed to get into it but... the fuck? These screenwriter(s) are either on point or left field, jeebus.

Speaking of field, she and best friend are out lying on the football field, and they're talking fun memories - as in, the only ones that are vivid in her mind are the ones involving him, and vice-versa. I will give them this: the flashbacks are cute and short and don't derail the momentum. They're really well done. The songs are the whiff.  

Now the queen bees are discussing their next routine. THE !!FINAL ROUTINE!!! AND SHE HAD A SOLO! (Why the shit are they performing routines at their reunion? I've heard tale of slide shows and videos and stuff like that, but fucking stage shows? Damn I hope that punch is spiked.) One of the minor bitches - the sweet ditzy one - is weeping loudly when Queen Bitch says our gal's officially out of their glee club. But she says "glee club", as in... they're the only 4 members? No other members are in attendance at the reunion? Looks like it was a big-ass graduating class.  ????  Got me.

Our gal's mom - who is MARILU HENNER DID I MENTION THAT and has been woefully underused thus far - has overheard. Commercial break. I need a Mountain Dew.

We're back. Marilu is completely opposite of Dick Dad. Now we're in a random B story where one of the bitches is flirting hard with the principal.... and the mic's hot. But she ain't embarrassed, says she'll meet him wherever someplace at midnight.  Oh and I forgot that best friend's not-really girlfriend flew out to join him as a surprise and he'd been like "Wha..." and she serves no purpose. Even now, when she gasps and squeals excitedly "Oh you're in love with her!" She ain't mad, and good, because nobody cares. And she's all pumped because she's made lots of friends with these people she'd never seen before in her life.

Fucknoodles the !!!FINAL ROUTINE!!! is bad. Now the solo. Our girl's taken the stage and Queen Bee didn't put up a fight, just stormed off. And here we go: she's making a speech about how she's not yet lived up to the Most Likely To Succeed, but their votes meant a lot to her, and she's not giving up. It's good shit.

And then they start chanting her name (it's Georgia, btw).

And then she starts her O Holy Night solo.

*sigh*

This movie is well-written but there's *so* much unneeded padding to the runtime. And she's on key and there's nothing wrong with her voice but it's nothing special. So what? Lots of people can sing in tune. I don't get it.

Flashback. Yeah, totes cheating, and he admits it - which, if she remembers, then that contradicts the earlier conversation when he denies it... huh? - and now she's in the gym, where she's bummed about the breakup. Best friend rescues, gets her up and dances with her for the last dance.

Have I mentioned that everyone looks identically the same? And we're supposed to be ten years out? Seriously. Hair and everything. Except for - and I don't know why - the bitch trio. (Dear Wardrobe and make-up departments: WHAT.)

So yeah yeah yeah, they share the last dance at the reunion because the whole thing was a fucking talent show-prom do-over (reunions are just not like that, y'all, I know I haven't been to one but my mother has - helped plan one, matter of fact - and they aren't Prom Part Deux, nor are there glee club and cheerleading routines, nor are they scheduled around major holidays. Dear Writers: ALSO WHAT.)

Ending is rushed and is stupid. Holy shit, they whiffed it. They actually ended on the totally unneeded B plot of the prinicpal seduction (which, by the way, consisted of a whopping 2 scenes... possibly 3, clearly it made no impact). This is the stupidest thing, they ended on such a bad note it leaves an icky taste in my mouth for this movie.

This one gets 2.5 stars out of 5. It had 3.5 for most of it, and then when we hit that first routine at the reunion, man did the points start coming off. This was classic fanfic: a ridiculous premise, sure, there’s things you have to overlook out of the gate (like, say, how nobody sane would plan a farging high school reunion at Christmas, at least not if they wanted actual attendance) but the execution’s great for the first half and then something happens and brains melt and it swerves into oncoming traffic and gets hit by The Trope Bus. ::sigh:: Ah, well. 

Ermahgerd, "Christmas Shoes" is coming on *warning lights flash* * dives for remote, goes to safety of Hallmark Movies and Mysteries immediately *

Next entry: part one of the David Haydn-Jones Christmas movie trifecta. Finally caught one. It stars the chick that played Winnie Cooper.  And holy jumping Jiminy Cricket, was it bad.

#5

Candace Cameron will star in any movie that’s Christmas themed and I am determined to watch all of them. She’s typically cursed with a snoozeville co-lead. The Alaskan doctor one isn’t bad. The executive who’s there to examine the lodge one is absolutely snore-worthy. The one about the saving dad’s business with nutcrackers one is pretty okay. I am actively avoiding the newest one about magic shoes. Christmas shoes never ends well.

Double feature with someone I vaguely recognize as being from a CW show in the early aughts, but clearly not one I actually watched, or I’d remember. Anyway, broad strokes: one is from a couple years ago, she’s a single mom and there’s this locket with a nautical star on it that’s literally, um, locked, and..... it’s not brought up again til the end. You’ll know the movie because you’ll think to yourself “This doesn’t know what it wants to be” - is it about the locket and how it was a gift from her mother and she lost it and it was somehow pivotal to discovering who her birth father was? Or is it about the custody battle with the asshole ex-husband and her losing her job and being evicted? Or is it about the meet-cute then “crossed wires” recurrent situations with the shop owner’s grandson? I have no idea. But there’s precocious kids and a bakery. It had potential, and that actress is good and so was the co-lead, but script = hot mess.

Second one is about a poinsettia farm and stars Bo Duke/Jonathan Kent, depending on your generation. She’s from the big city and she’s a-comin’ home to save the family business! I assume she meets someone at a bakery, I wasn’t pulled in at all, my remote finger got real twitchy, but when I flipped back toward the end, surprise! She’s a-stickin’ around, she’ll run the family business, don’t sell the farm, screw her life at the other place with the things! 

I actually have another recommend: “Operation Christmas”

Solid script, and hella fine acting by one Ms. Tricia Helfer. I have loved her since Battlestar Gallactica, SPN fans will know her as the lady ghost on the road who doesn’t know she’s dead. That chick. Killa actress. You wanna talk about a good crier on camera? Top tier, here. My cold, black, shriveled heart actually giddy-up’d and I possibly got misty when she bursts into tears in this movie. Also stars Marc Blucas, who Buffy fans will remember as Riley, and I like him, too. 

There are precocious kids, and this coulda gone cheaply exploitative with the military angle, but it sticks the landing with only minor wobbles, it hits heartwarming vs. cheese. There’s an odd fixation on singing in the back half (several characters singing solo at various points), and it’s awkward to watch (and hear, because of the distinct shift your ears will detect between the “on set” and the “in recording studio” audio) because with the exception of one, when they blend it into a professional singer whilst slipping into a wee montage of Christmas tree delivering - or unloading, I can’t recall, who cares - the songs go on Way. Too. Long. 

Except.

What they did during the talent show during the Silent Night number? That sing-a-long? Now, that I wish had been a little longer. A+ job, screenwriter(s). The very-very end was saccharine, but it was short, and that’s what counts because I realize you were trapped, this is Hallmark Christmas movie we’re talking, you had to do it, you’d been steady through the rest of the script, they wanted their shmoop, no one blames you.

Something called “The Sound of Christmas” has just come on, and there was so much exposition dump in the *first* *three* *minutes* that the titular sound is actually gonna be the click of my remote control. Oh lord looks like the lead male is poor man’s Ray Liotta who’s a high-powered blah-blah-blah. And seems it’s precocious child: petulant teen edition. I’m out.

David Haydn-Jones continues to elude.

#4

Pattern detected: Plot--->

The conflict must be saving family business/home from certain doom

Business = service industry (store, bakery, gardening/plants/farm, lodge/hotel)

Female protagonist supes busy with her stuff and such in the big city; has to leave; returns; likely plans to stay forever

Precocious child, standard

Execution--->

One lead must be a notably better actor than other; neither may be on-point overall; if both are something, that something is teeth-grinding to watch and/or listen to

Exposition with (admittedly) necessary facts must come early on, and in dialogue dumps, preferably just one big fatty, and preferably between two people who already know this information vs. to someone who is not privy to this information

Character introduction/pertinent background must not trickle out organically over the first act via showing their actions and other characters' reactions; just throw in with that plot exposition dump

A big gun was pulled out last night - Patti LaBelle was briefly in one, watched some of it, was glad to see an original plot (mostly; see above, re: female protag mold) but then I thought better of it, googled, and yup, based on a book. Ah, we meet again, Not Original Story. This morning, tangentially related, something-something-rich-dude-reg-chick, and they were named Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet #fml #gag #stay away #get Austen out of your mouths  

Presently playing is one whose plot sounds suspiciously like The Parent Trap: Christmas Edition, Nashville Style. Sort-of, I mean, we start there, then I'm not clear on where they drive to, but it's still Southern, and props to the filmmakers for not going nuts on the snow, someone actually did some research. I will also compliment them for only letting the folks who have some form of natural Southern accent/Southern cadence use it, the rest speaking in standard North American accents.

Now, two things: I love the Lohan version of P.T., a lot a lot a lot, and I'll hear nothing bad about it. Secondly, I'm going to refrain from commenting on shite Southern accents in movies in general, this one and elsewhere, such as in the Kellie Pickler Graceland-set Christmas one that aired yesterday that I could only tolerate in five minute increments as I flipped back and forth to Law & Order SVU frequently for palate cleanses #Mariska sorbet

But it got off to a good start,  the opening credits were creative and unique, and I recognize the lead actors. Kids don't seem terribly precocious. Hmmm.

I shall give it a chance.

[time passes; returns to draft]

It's not Parent Trap, summary was garbage, it's not about the precocious kids, and no one has a high-powered career, no one is filthy rich, and both lead actors are really great. The chick is Sissy Spacek's daughter, I've seen her in other stuff before, have always liked her, I think she's talented. I recognize the lead dude from something I've seen before, too, he's a bit of poor man's Paul Rudd, but good. There's a somewhat difficult grandma, but she's not unlikable, you kind of get where she's coming from, and it's because it's Dee Goddamn Wallace, the queen of playing mothers (youngsters, google her, you'll likely recognize her, leave out the goddamn when you do).  

The background music isn't overly country-fied nor syrupy-shmoopy twinkle-bells. The dialogue is actually decent and delivered believably by all parties. The kids aren't annoying. The side characters are just that, left to the side, there's no best friend/sister taking up screen time. The leads have an easy, natural chemistry. Holy fucknoodles, I might recommend this one to you. I'm actually watching this one. I'm legit watching it.

[time passes; returns to draft]

What I said above continued, then there was horse-riding and acoustic guitar and even a classic car. The chick wasn't the one leaving to go back to what-the-hell-ever. Nobody was pining for anybody, and the conflict at play was completely realistic. Okay, yeah. Recommend. Hundred percent. This is the angst-turns-to-love with a dash of domestic life AU fic many folks keep trying to write and not quite getting there (Hi, I'm Nash, and I'm supes blunt when I'm under-the-weather), then your bonus that it's set at Christmastime.

The exposition on backstory was done pretty dang smoothly, but better was that we weren't told who these characters are/were, we were shown. *And zero flashbacks* There's several great, snappy, shot-across-the-bow lines. There's a religious element that is pitch-perfect and appropriate and not overbearing. The ending song is a smidge too long, didn't need to hear the whole thing, but it's kept simple and the lyrics are sweet without being cheese, so I'll give it that. Pacing overall is a little wobbly, they probs could've trimmed a good ten-to-twelve minutes of runtime, and there's a side character who blips on the scene that was poorly cast as his lack of prowess sludges up the vibe (charismatic, he ain't, maybe he's somebody's spouse *ahem*), but this one's pretty solid, y'all.

It's called "Every Other Christmas", starring Schuyler Fisk, on Lifetime Movie Network - it just premiered the other night, apparently, so with rebroadcasts you should have plenty of opportunity to catch it.

Okay, back to the shmaltz.

#3

My dearest:

[cue old-timey, slightly depressing instrumental courtesy of rickety fiddles; narration by Ken Burns]

Exposition anvils continue to drop from the sky with abandon, though I’ve not succumbed to my injuries, have no fear. 

Alicia Witt was lovely in something about a novelist who was rejected by both successful novelist boyfriend and publisher, but then meets very successful other novelist who is hiding the fact that he is such. I only caught the last quarter. Disappointed in lack of fanfic about novelists. I tire of writing “novelist”.

Our regiment (myself, General Pup, and Lieutenant Pup) is currently surrounded by a tale of a stewardess who has gotten entangled with a dude whose daughter she was in charge of because unaccompanied minor on flight. Dude is the lead from “That Thing You Do”, he was the next Tom Hanks before Colin Hanks got old enough to fill that role. I am saddened this dude has not gotten mucho awards. None of this matters.

I am more of the sads that the flufferfic-ers have not stalked and mauled and chewed on the carcass of the premise of Whyenne being a flight attendant who captures Dean’s heart when she captures his vomit during a flight to wherever to do something. Or, scratch that; she magically cures him of his fears with her enchanted hoo-hah, because that’s how phobias work. And assuming there’s plot, the hunt for the whatever can take place on the plane, like that Harrison Ford movie or that Jodie Foster movie or that Kurt Russell movie. It would have to be a big-ass plane. They could still bang in the bathroom, even though there’s plenty of places to go.

I have no more plot to give, I am exhausted and according to the thing, you know, the thingy that tells what’s on next, there’s no restorative Candace Cameron in the near future. I may have to settle for one of the Duff sisters.

David Haydn-Jones remains elusive.

General Pup is barking orders. I must end here. Ever yours - Nash. #send vodka

[Transferred 2nd post]

#2

Report from the front line:

There’s been a Denise Richards bakery-related jam. Also a Lacey Chabert - who is a baker - jam. The first had a Christmas cookie contest, the latter a gingerbread competition. Not to be confused. Something with people I’ve never seen before in my life just started, about a big CEO and a bakery. Candace Cameron was in another one, and though it’s bakery-free, those are all starting to blend together.

Send rations.

[Transferred 1st post]

#1

I have felt like garbage and been homebound for two days, and then today (oh blessed event, and I am dead serious, I love it) the onslaught of Fanfic Movie Time has begun, a.k.a. Totes Ridiculous Christmas Situation Lurve-Conflict-Lurve Movie Season on Lifetime/Hallmark/that other network I can never remember the name of, and due to foggy brain I got sucked in. There was a king and ice skating, something about Louisiana with JDM’s wife where everybody’s hair looked horrendous, and then another one with Candace Cameron in Alaska. It was great. Legit. I haven’t laughed as hard. It helped me cough up disease. #bless you Candace

[the-archetype-of-civilization]

The Court (Drabble)

How long?  How long has she searched for it?  A part of her wanted to believe that it was there.  That there really was such a place.  That he was there.  She had to know.  She had to see it for herself.  The Crimson Court.

It was driving her insane, no matter how many times she tried to find it, whether by ancient tongues, old songs, long-forgotten heirlooms and relics, it wasn’t to be found anywhere.  A part of her thought that this was merely rubbish, a child’s fantasy and pipe dreams of yore.

Then why did she continue?

What drove her to do this?  Was it her life?  No, she was living a very comfortable life, content, and independent of restrains.  Was it her state of mind?  Well, she certainly hoped not (thought that was free to change any moment the longer she searched).  Was it stubbornness?  Perhaps, but she didn’t want to believe that that was the only driving force.  Was it to prove herself in glory?  Please.

It was hope.

Hope that she would find the mythical king, the beautiful orchestra, the hued roses that covered the halls, the jesters, the servants, the wine, all of it.  She had to know, for the sake of knowing and trying to grasp these divining signs that eluded her.

But the longer she looked, the more she felt her sanity slipping and she was starting to lose whatever hope she had left to find it.

Looking up at the horizon, she could see the sun just about to set.  But...curiously, the moon hanged above it.  She frowns in confusion at the rather bizarre astronomical sight.  That is, until the moon starts to turn into a dark red, making her stop in her tracks.

The sun started to crack apart, but no sounds were heard.  Only the soft wind blowing through her as the sun shattered and broke apart, the moon swiftly moving in its place.  Looking around, she sees that the world around her is gone minus the road.  The road seemed to have stretched far up to the moon.

This had to be it!  The road to the court!  A part of her was terrified of the scene changing around her, horizons passing by her like fleeting stars in the sky.  But, her resolve won over as he walked down the road towards the crimson moon.

The closer she walked, the faster the horizons started to revolve around her.  The moon started to slowly change into a rose, the prickly vines growing around it petals and covering the horizons that surrounded her earlier.  She walked what for, what must be years to someone walking up to a rose-turned moon, was only mere minutes as she reached the bloomed center of it where a beautifully embroidered double door stood before her, a golden door handle almost willing to be plucked and caressed from it shining glory.  It welcomed the pilgrims that would find this place.

Hesitantly, she reaches out and gently grabs it.  It was cold to the touch, but a king of cold that promised wealth, hope, and frivolity beyond it.  She pulls it open.

Past the door, the doorway was covered in prickly vines and beautiful magpies and mockingbirds flew away from the door, their homes temporary disturbed.  Completely enamored, she sighs out softly and smiles as she walks through and discovers the beautiful courts where it all lay.  There were people dancing in clothes older than anything she had seen before, there were roses everywhere and rose petals falling from the endless sky above her.  The clouds were beautiful and gorgeous, a never ending sun peering just above them and warmly embracing the court below.  A crescent moon hugged the sun next to it, creating a beautiful harmony of night and day as stars twinkled brilliantly with Sagittarius and Corona Australis dancing to the music below.  Flying across this joined moon and sun was a ship surrounded by a glass prism, floating upon soft winds as it carried the crew across the sky.  A gardener happily watered the roses and plants evergreens, stepping and trampling on the other plants that didn’t belong as he made his way across the garden.

The dancing tournament begged everyone to come along and mingle with the crowd, accepting everyone’s enthusiasm and mocking the fools that don’t.  A purple piper swayed through the crowd effortlessly in his small but long strides as he gentle twiddles his fingers over his wooden flute.  The choir followed suit as they softly sung along with the melodic conductor.  The lullabies they sung (three, she believed) were in language that sounded as old as time and couldn’t be deciphered by her.  They were melancholic and solemn, but it lulled and swooned the minds of the crowd into a stupor of relaxed joy.

It was all so wonderful!  She had finally found it, after all this time!  And she couldn’t have been happier.  Like a giddy child, she joins in the crowd and dances to her heart’s content, swinging and flaying happily to whichever partner was willing to dance with her.  The court happily accepted her into the wonderful party.

Suddenly, the people stopped and looked up at the balcony above them as the man himself appeared.  Clad in armor of brilliant crimson and embroidered in gold with a large soft and red cape that adorned his back , and a helmet blocking any form of face to be seen, the Crimson King arrives to the scene with people clapping and cheering at his arrival.

“My friends, please make thineselves acquainted to the court and be welcome in it!  For as long as I am here, the sun and moon glowing above, and the music playing, happiness awaits you all!”

The cheer roared in cheers and happy laughter as they applauded him, the king taking a bow and looking straight at their newfound guest.  The crowd separated from her to single her out, making her blush deeply as she looked around in shyness.

“My lovely new guest, don’t be afraid!  We welcome all that come here!” he bellowed happily, the crowd cheering in agreement as some crimson guards walked over to her and helped escort her up the balcony and to him.  The crowd went back to their dancing as the large king knelt down to her with a soft smile seeming to be under his helmet.  She wasn’t sure how she knew, but a part of her knew that he was.  And she felt safe.

“Good evening, my dear.  I welcome you to my court.”

“S-Sire...my king...m-”

“Oh, my dear, please do not make such silly titles here.  I am here cater to you and want you to be happy in my court.   I contain the keys to many cities, for I am its keeper.  This place welcomes all travelers of all kinds, here.”

“Your happiness is my pleasure.”

She stares at him admirably, almost tempted to hug him.  To feel that he was real and to know that she really did exist...just to hug somebody to know that she was here.  That this Court of the Crimson King was real.

The Crimson King reaches over to a servant and takes a glass of wine.  He offers it to her, the wine itself looking like it had aged perfectly from the grapes of an orchid tree from days long past.  It gleamed and sparkled under the moon and sun, the intoxicating aroma filling her nostrils just from him holding it nearby.  He smiles warmly at her as he offers the glass to her.

“Take it, my child.  Enjoy...”

She hesitantly takes the glass as she looks at it and studies it, looking at him and smiling in thanks.  He didn’t have his own glass as he simply watches her...

Gently pressing the rim of the wine to her lips, she leans her head back as the wine soon followed and flowed into her throat.  The taste was divine and enriching, like God himself had blessed it with his personal ambrosia in the Garden of Eden.

Smiling widely, the Crimson King snaps his fingers as a yellow jester comes out, his mask adorned in a permanent grin with dimples popping out at the seams.  

With a smile, he gently plucks a string of his lute.

The crowd suddenly stops dancing.

The music stopped playing.

The birds stopped flying, frozen in time.

The rose petals stopped falling in mid-air.

She held her breath as she watches in confused awe and fear.  Another pluck, and suddenly the entire court of people collapse to the ground.  The jester smiles more as he dances over the bodies as he pulls the string of his lute and mockingly “plays” his tune across the court.  She drops her glass as it shatters into pieces and the glass shards freeze in time and the glass stuck in a disconcerting position.

The Crimson King smirks at the court as he snaps his fingers back and the entire court suddenly lift themselves up into a hunched position.  All of them.  Looking at him, she saw that the king was holding something in his hand...but she couldn’t see what it was.  There was nothing there.  Whatever he was holding, it gently leans his hand down to the right.  The crowd suddenly lifts their left hands up.  “Yes...” he whispered softly to himself, but loud enough for her to hear.  Then he leans his hands on the other side as the crowd lifts up their right arms.  Chuckling, he then leans his hand back as the crowd stands up right with the legs dangling and their arms hung like puppets on a string.

A patterned juggler appears and lifts his hand as an orchestra played by instruments without musicians prepares to begin.  The juggler juggles and the orchestra starts to play a discordant melody of horror, the Crimson King wagging his controller over his puppets as they start to dance horribly and sway like they’re on strings like a marionette.  The jester continues to smile as he plays with the strings of his own puppets, the crowd seeming to smile as they were strung along to this cacophony of overindulgence and gluttony.  The walls surrounding her turn into various wheels and gears, grinding and turning to this acoustic catastrophe off whatever lack of time signature there was.

Tears course down her face as she covers her ears and cowers, the music piercing through her hands and straight to her heart and brain as she begs for it to stop.  But it did not.  The king continues to play the abysmal symphony to his liking as he chuckles and laughs to seeing the marionettes sway and the orchestra play.

Feeling herself lose her mind, her eyes roll back as blood courses from her left nostril and collapses to the ground.  Her body soulless, her eyes become dark and leave her hollow.  But her soul would not know peace in the Crimson Court.

The skies darken as the rose covered court becomes a pitch black, as rows of candles light up the darkness infects the rest.  The cracked brass bells toll the hour of a funeral, their loud rings echoing and hearkening the concession to appear.  The black queen appears from the pilgrim’s door as she chants in a dark tongue, draped in a black widow’s gown as she holds a candle of endless wax dripping and coursing down its sides.  The funeral march follows with red hooded men bowing their heads as they followed the queen and their hands clasped together in prayer.  In the midst of it, on a rose covered coffin lined in gold, is the corpse of the young woman whose awed desire and yearning of discovery lead to her tragic end.

Setting the coffin down on a stone table, the chants continue as the queen stands before her and raises her candle up to the heavens, the concession of crimson bowing, prostrating, and praying for the return of the fire witch.  The one that shall burn into the fires of the crimson court and emblazon it with the fools that dare tread into the puppeteer’s strings.

For those that yearn to find him shall know that they will never return...

From the Court of the Crimson King.

[onpointedfeetandbrokendreams]

Happy International Fanworks Day!!

Hi, I’m joining in AO3′s International Fanworks Day with this Short fanworks challenge: Get out your tablet, your laptop, or your phone and create a short fanwork on the following topic: What does your favorite character—or your favorite pairing—get fannish over?

I chose Klance, since I’m already writing long, multi-chapters fics about my main fandom (which is YOI), I hope you’ll enjoy!

(The line about the ships names refer to my other Klance one-shot

—————————————————————————————————-

It is a relatively peaceful day on the Castle of Lions, Galras aren’t attacking, Allura, Coran and Shiro are talking with allies and making plans and the other four paladins lazy around, talking about nothing in particular. Peaceful, however, until Lance starts humming a song and Keith dares to ask what it is.

Lance falls silent immediately and walks towards him with an outraged expression. “You mean you’ve never seen The Greatest Showman??”

“Is it a movie? I wasn’t that into movies back on Earth, more like… Documentaries or stuff.”

“Ugh, you are impossible. You don’t know what ships names are, you don’t watch movies, were you even human at all? We have to right this. Immediately. Where’s my favorite genius nerd?”

“I’m right here, Lance. Jeez, when you talk to Keith it seems like the rest of the universe disappears.” Answers Pidge, who is, in fact sitting on the control panel right next to Keith. They have a mischievous glint in their voice that, as expected, makes Lance blush and his voice grow an octave in pitch. “T-that’s not true!”

“Sure,” deadpans Pidge sarcastically. “I don’t think we can find any movie’s stream from here, though. We are in space after all.”

“But it’s important!! I mean, That movie is like… The best thing ever existed! Ever! He needs to see it.”

“And why do you care if he watches a movie or not?”

Lance shivers. He doesn’t have an answer to that, he just… Wants Keith to see it? Well, not everything has to make sense, they have nothing else to do right now and he is bored.

“If we can’t find the movie then we’ll need to improvise. Hunk, my sun and stars, please help me.” He says dramatically, turning to the yellow paladin who smiles at his best friend brightly.

“Anything for you, moon of my life. Oooh, this is going to be fun!”

Lance whoops. “Okay, so, Pidge, you are a gremlin, so you are going to be the General.”

Pidge rolls their eyes. “I knew you would say that. You are so predictable that I won’t even comment on this.”

“There’s only four of us, so we’ll have to stick to the main characters,” comments Hunk, always worried when his friends start bickering.

“Yeah, I know, I was just joking,” reassures him Lance grinning. “I, of course, I’m going to be Zendaya because she is the gorgeousest like I am. Hunk will be Barnum because he is the best singer among us - sorry, Pidge - and you can choose if you prefer Charity or Phillip.”

Pidge ponders it. “Hm, that’s difficult. I would love to be Phillip just to make you fall when we dance together but…” They side eye Keith before continuing. “I think I’ll go with Charity. I can be a girl for one day and she has one of the best songs after all.”

“That is completely true. I’m so in love with Tightrope,” comments Lance in a dreaming voice, opening and closing his eyes and bringing his hands together near his heart.

“Wait, wait, wait. Everyone stops for a second. Do you mean that I have to sing? And dance?” Asks Keith, who hasn’t understood a word they said except for gorgeousest - which is still giving him the creeps - and singer and dance.

Pidge snickers but Lance turns deadly serious as he puts a hand on his shoulder and locks eyes with him to explain:

“This is of the utmost importance, Keith, buddy, my man, you have to do this.”

“I really don’t think that it’s a good idea. I don’t know the songs and I’ve never danced or sung before! Can’t I just, I don’t know, watch you?”

Lance makes his best impression of the puppy dog’s eyes. “Please, if you don’t participate there’s going to be only three of us and we won’t be able to recreate anything properly! It’s not going to be embarrassing, we aren’t singers or dancers either, it’s just… A little piece of Earth?”

Keith is a little overwhelmed. From this close, Lance’s eyes are just… Too much. Too blue, too soulful. He can see the hope surfacing at the idea of doing something that reminds him of their planet even if just for a moment and Keith… Can’t really say no to that, can he? It’s unfair of Lance to bring this up. He sighs, resignation clear in his face and body posture and, before he can even voice his consent, Lance is already beaming, every ounce of melancholy or nostalgia completely gone from his features. Keith finds himself smiling a fond smile. Pidge sees him and gives him a knowing look. He immediately schools his expression back to mildly annoyed.

“Fine, what do I have to do?”

Lance explains the story briefly. There’s this ambitious man who wants to become someone and bring wonder and innovation to the World so he first opens a wax museum, then he begins to offer a show with extraordinary acts, oddities and things never seen before. He risks everything in the process, including his house and his family before discovering what it is that really matters to him more than success. It’s a good story, Keith has to recognize it, but the best part is Lance’s face as he tells it. His eyes are sparkling with awe and he is trembling with excitement. When he finishes, he is a little teary.

“And the songs are what makes it even more amazing! Luckily, I have them all on my phone so we can recreate everything!” he finishes.

Hunk dries a single tear, commenting. “I cry every time just by listening to this story. No matter how many times we watched the movie at home.”

Even the usually emotionless Pidge has a small smile playing on his lips as he nods.

Then, Lance makes them move to the Blue Lion hangar and makes space for their stage.

“Blue, my beautiful, you are going to be my accomplice in this, aren’t you, lovely?”

Blue purrs at his paladin’s praise and he cheers loudly. He enters the robot to plug his phone in, as he and Pidge - or, should he say, Pidge following his suggestion - has managed to do some weeks prior with some hacking and a lot of swearing.

When he comes out of Blue’s mouth, the first notes of the opening song already playing, he opens his arms as to greet an imaginary audience and bows, proclaiming:

“Ladies and Gentlemen, let the show begin!”

Hunk chuckles and steps in the middle of the “stage”, assuming a similarly dramatic pose. They don’t exactly need to sing, because there’s the actor’s voice in the background, but it’s more fun, so they do their best with the interpretation, moving around the hangar and mimicking what they remember of the choreographies, using the random objects they found when they need props.

Keith is trying to follow their lead but he is not an actor, nor a dancer and he doesn’t know what the scenes should look like or how the songs go. Mostly, it’s Lance who drags him around, telling him where to go or when to freeze in a pose. He is supposed to be this sort of rich guy from the high society who starts his career by doing pretentious dramas and ends up being Hunk’s apprentice in the circus and falling in love with his trapezist, now portrayed by Lance. When the first song ends - which is a flash forward of the ending so Lance said he must be in it - the story goes back to the beginning. Hunk and Pidge dance together, recreating the love story between the main character and this girl he has loved since his childhood and that he pursue along with his dream. Pidge has a very fresh singing voice, that meddles beautifully with Hunk’s baritonal tones. The two dance playfully, Hunk launches them around and they laugh, shoving him in retaliation. Lance is bouncing on his toes, unable to stay put while he waits for his turn. Soon, the song ends and it is time for the setting up of the circus. He hurries to take his position and insists that Hunk do a lift with him, too. They manage a simple one before falling face first to the ground in a mess of limbs. Pidge laughs hysterically and even Keith can’t hold back a snort. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Lance, who winks at him as he dusts himself off to resume the choreography.

After that, it is time for Hunk’s duet with Keith. They are in a bar and talk about their potential partnership while sharing drinks, now played by some screwdrivers that were previously laying abandoned in a corner of the hangar. He has to admit that he is having fun. Being there on space, so far from home, and fighting in a war none of them was prepared for, it is nice for once to do something stupid and a little childish. They are young, after all, and they need to ease some of their tension sometimes. He realizes that he has never seen his companions smile so openly before. It is… Good.

Since no one is playing Jenny Lind, the famous opera singer that the protagonist hires to get approval from the rich people who don’t like his circus, they sit on a corner and use her song to catch their breath. Then, everyone is on the stage again except for Lance, who disappears into thin air.

“Where did he go? He loves this part!” says Hunk, scanning the place for their missing friend. Keith shrugs but Pidge seems to have figured something out and says nothing, expecting a move. That doesn’t take long. As soon as the music fades and the following begins, a long rope rolls out of the blue lion’s mouth with a barefooted Lance climbing down from it. Keith doesn’t have time to gawk because he is pushed to the bottom of the rope by Hunk, who has now understood, too. The yellow and green paladins retreat to the side and he remains frozen there. He remembers the others talking about Lance doing an aerial dance show but he never actually realized what it meant. So they were talking about an actual aerial dance! He has seen it sometimes on television but never from this close.

“He won’t know what hit him! He’ll regret missing that show sooo much!” whispers Pidge between giggles.

Lance ties himself up using the rope and starts doing figures in time with the song. A perfect split, hip lock, some falls. When he reaches almost the end of the rope, he elongates a hand to touch the baffled red paladin. He is too mesmerized to think so he just reaches his own hand to grab the one he is being offered. The two share a sheepish smile as Lance pulls him up and Keith lets him even if he knows that he would totally fall if the other let go and that he is looking far less graceful than him. Lance’s arms are long and strong and he finds himself trusting them despite his precarious situation. He tries to grab the rope, tying up his feet as he has seen Lance do and with some tips from him he manages to hold himself on his own. Lance is upside down, his hands a few inches over Keith’s on the rope and they are looking into each other’s eyes like it’s the first time they do so.

“Hi,” Lance says in a breath.

“Hi,” he mumbles in response, unable to find other words.

Seeing a perfect opportunity for a wrongdoing, Pidge chooses that exact moment to snatch the rope and move it in a circle, with Hunk’s involuntary help. “They blackmailed me!” He apologizes when he catches Lance’s accusing glare.

“It’s for realism, Lance!” Pidge explains but their evil look betrays their real intention.

Keith and Lance manage not to fall, somehow, but as soon as they stop spinning, they climb down with a sigh of relief and finish the dance with their foot on solid ground.

It should be the time for Pidge’s solo after that, but the atmosphere is ruined and there’s no going back to the illusion. Keith and Lance tackle them looking for payback and when Hunk tries to separate them, he is pulled into the battle too. They wrestle until the songs are long forgotten and they are found by Allura and Coran who were passing in front of the hangar and heard weird noises and squeaking.

“Paladins? What’s happening here?” The Princess asks, debating whether to be amused or worried by the display in front of her.

Pidge wears their most innocent expression and looks at the Princess with wide eyes, pointing to Lance and Keith and yelling:

“They attacked me, it’s their fault!”

Lance steps in:

“Our fault? You almost made us fall from that rope and forced the poor Hunk to help you!”

“In the original scene they are spinning around the room! I did it for the show!”

“Keith was barely holding himself up, he has never done anything similar to aerial dance, it was dangerous!”

“So you admit that you weren’t worried about yourself but about him?”

“Of course I was worried about him! Besides, you ruined our moment!”

Pidge smirks. “Good, then my job here is done. Allura, Coran, Hunk, we can go.”

“As much as I am glad that those two are apparently getting along better, I would like someone to explain to me what’s this all about,” Allura asks, unconvinced.

“Don’t worry, Princess, we’ll explain everything. Now, though, we have to leave these two to their Bonding Moment,” replies Pidge, winking at Keith and dragging Hunk behind them as they walk away.

The red paladin’s face matches the color of his lion resting in the neighboring hangar. Lance takes a moment to realize what he has just said but it’s Keith who breaks the silence, focusing the conversation on the less embarrassing topic.

“Thank you, Lance, for helping me before.”

“I… Of course, it was my fault you were up there in the first place.”

“True. But it was fun.” He offers a tentative smile at that, before adding: “I don’t know where or why you learned aerial dance, but it was very beautiful.”

“Thank you. You were pretty good yourself! You managed to climb the rope without no one even teaching you!”

“Well, you helped a lot.”

Lance hums, unsure for a moment before he gets an idea. “We should do it again sometimes, I could teach you how to do it properly next time.”

Keith is a little taken aback by the offer. It’s not like they never do things together, it’s just… That they never do things together by themselves. They hate each other… Don’t they? But if Lance is asking.

“Sure. That would be nice.”

It feels like it’s the first time they are talking for real. Sincerely, without the need to hide behind a challenge or their respective pride. It’s the same as they felt when they were on the rope. They share a smile, like they did before.

“See, it was important for you to participate in this movie in the end.”

Keith laughs softly. “Yeah, it was.”

[15001700tt]

Descendants of the Moon

Descendants of the Moon Masterlist

Tag list: @chastja  @multi-fan-trash @serpentityx @syublush @laadychat @whoissheff Dm me if you want to be on the tag list!

Word Count: Descendants of the Moon MasterlistTag list: @chastja  @multi-fan-trash @serpentityx @syublush @laadychat @whoissheff Dm me if you want to be on the tag list!

Word Count: 8,753

Key: Italics- things that happened in the drama but do not old any importance to the story lineKey: 

Bold- Dialogue said in the Drama

Armadillo

Episode 13:

Yoo Ji went to report to her work in the news station the next morning. It was really cold but Yoo Ji’s mood was very high. She was smiling and grinning at everyone. She went to meet with her supervisor to hand in all her work for the last 10 months. She sent him updates while she was in Urk but the articles she wrote were printed and in a formal envelope to hand in. 

“Good morning” she greeted him at his desk.

“Hello, Mun Yoo Ji,” he responded, “take a seat” he gestured to the chair in front of him. She bowed and took a seat.

“I thank you for your hard work in Urk, and hope you keep that work ethic going now that you’re back” he started, Yoo Ji’s smile dimmed just a little. Her supervisor complimenting her work was a rare occurrence but it also means that he bears news. 

“Thank you, and of course” she responded, keeping her tone light and formal. 

“While you were gone, I had a few reporters try to take this case, but they haven't found anything useful that we can use,” he started to brief her. Yoo Ji realized that he wanted her to take another assignment. Usually, she would get a little break, but today is not the case as it seems. Yoo Ji nodded her head.

“Here is the folder that we have so far” he handed her an envelope, as she took it she felt that it was too light. Yoo Ji would have to fix that.

“I expect you to do your best” he finished as he looked at her with a hard stare. 

“Of course, I will do my best,” Yoo Ji responded. She got up and bowed and took her leave. 

She went to her desk, which was more like a cubicle than an actual desk. Her cubicle buddy peeked his head above the thin wall separating them. 

“Yoo Ji! You’re back!” Jung Hye Jin exclaimed with enthusiasm. 

“What’s up Jung?” Yoo Ji greeted.

“How was Urk? I heard that there was a lot to cover”

“It wasn’t too bad” Yoo Ji responded as she organized her desk and got out a few cleaning tools that she keeps in the bottom drawer of her desk. She keeps wipes and a dust Swiffer so when she comes back she can take care of the dust collecting on her desk and brush up her desk clean and start working again. She leaned back and observed the room, it seems everyone has not changed and still does what they have been doing. 

Jung Hye Jin leaned over and whispered, “Dani broke up with her boyfriend, Steve is having problems with Mai over who will get to cover what issue tonight at 7 and Sung Ha is pregnant” he filled her in on how their co-workers are doing. Yoo Ji grinned at him and assessed each of the people they talked about. Dani looked exhausted and her face was a little swollen, she wasn’t wearing makeup either, Steve; the only foreigner that works at their station, was heatedly talking with Mai. Mai was rolling her eyes at the man and waving her hands discreetly. Sung Ha didn't look any different except Yoo Ji noticed that she walks a little slower and that her hands subconsciously keep brushing against her stomach. 

“I have taught you well” Yoo Ji praised Hye Jin, although Hye Jin is a year older Yoo Ji had told him about a few pointers to improve his observation skills. 

“So did you get the Armadillo case?” Hye jin asked curiously, Yoo Ji nodded taking out the file, she opened to find one single piece of paper. Yoo Ji raised an eyebrow.

“They didn't find out anything?” 

“They don't even know if the crime was committed by a ghost or not,” Hye Jin scoffed. Yoo Ji groaned, she unlocked her phone and went to call Gwang Nam. She went outside to the office and into the lounge. 

“Hello?” his voice came through.

“Please tell me you’re having a better time than I am” she rolled her eyes at the amount of digging she has to do when she goes back. She didn't even try to read the paper knowing how scarce the information is going to be. 

“Are you okay? Are you injured?” he questioned with worry. Yoo Ji rolled her eyes extra hard this time.

“I am fine, I just got handed a case with nothing but one piece of paper and no background information.” 

“Why do you always think I am in mortal danger? I am a reporter, not a special forces soldier” Yoo Ji joked.

“At this point are you not going to the police station? I assumed you were going to gather information using dangerous methods” he retorted back to her verbal jab. 

“You know me too well” Yoo Ji smirked, she glanced at the door and asked him when his flight got back. 

“In two days, I think it leaves at 3 AM but I am not sure. I’ll have to check it” he replied, she heard him shuffling paper on his end. 

“Alright, just keep me updated, I have to go, I am meeting up with Mo Yeon for lunch” 

“Alright, don’t make any trouble” Yoo Ji rolled her eyes, told him goodbye. Yoo Ji hung up and sighed, she’ll have to visit the police station. 

“Was that your boyfriend?” Hye Jin teased as she sat back down at her desk. 

“You could say that, but he could also be my drug dealer,” she said with a straight face, Hye Jin looked horrified, Yoo Ji broke out in a chuckle and told him she was just kidding.

“Yeah, I met him in Urk,” 

“Oh, foreign man!”

“No he’s Korean, he was one of the soldiers stationed in the base I was at” she explained, taking the paper once more and skimming it, the victim died of blunt force to the head. Hye jin nodded, smiling cheekily but went back to his work.

The victim’s name is Lee Eun Ki and he’s 39 years old. Her eyes skimmed through the description of the crime scene, and what they were able to recover, her eyes found the detective assigned to the case and rolled her eyes. It was a rookie cop assigned to the case. 

“I am heading to the police station” Yoo Ji informed Hye Jin, she grabbed her backpack.

“Greet Kang Rae Wook for me” Hye Jin yelled back as she got out the door. 

Yoo Ji took the bus that went straight to the police station from her work, it took around 25 minutes to get there as there were three stops in between.

“I am here to interview Park Ji-Hun about the homicide of Lee Eun Ki” Yoo Ji informed the receptionist, she looked new, Yoo Ji peeked behind her to see if she could find anyone that she knew. 

“He’s been taken off the case” the lady responded after looking it up on her desktop. 

“Who has it then?” Yoo Ji questioned. The lady was about to read the name of the detective when a male’s voice cut in from behind Yoo Ji.

“I am the leading detective on that case now” Yoo Ji turned around and found Kang Rae Wook. 

Kang Rae Wook is an old acquaintance of hers, he hates sharing information as much as he hates criminals. He is assigned difficult homicides all the time because his superiors hate him for his take-no-shit attitude. He is a middle-aged man, he can be seen as an attractive man but to Yoo Ji, he’s just an asshole that loves to withhold information when she investigates with him but he is an old friend and he has proved himself trustworthy on multiple occasions. Yoo Ji grinned. 

“Hello Detective Kang, I am officially back” Yoo Ji exclaimed, she loves to annoy him, he’s very easily pissed off and Yoo Ji takes advantage of his short temper. It's been 10 months since she last saw him, and she might’ve not told him she was leaving so he looked very pissed off. 

“Where the hell have you been?” Rae Wook asked signaling her to follow him down to his desk.

“I was assigned to a Korean base in Urk to cover their peace treaty efforts” Yoo Ji explained. Rae Wook looked at her with a deadpan look.

“How much trouble did you cause?” 

“Hey! I am an angel, I didn't do anything...” she defended, trailing off.

“Three times but they weren't even completely my fault” she relented, telling him the truth.

“It was such a nice break from your nagging” Rae Wook sighed as they came to stop at his desk. 

“Well, I am back now and you can't get rid of me” Yoo Ji grinned cheekily. She looked to the right side of his desk where his partner should be sitting.

“Where is Lee Hwa Dong?” she asked with a curious look at Hwa Dong’s desk. She got closer to inspect and flip open some folders on his desk when the said man walked in.

“No touching!” his deep voice startled Yoo Ji and she straightened her back and withdrew her hand.

“Hi!” she cheekily greeted, as the older man looked at her with raised eyebrows. She walked over and hugged him, his arms came around her. 

Lee Hwa Dong was Kang Rae Wook’s partner, he is a man of few words, but he's very caring. Yoo Ji is almost like his little sister, they are very close. He is also one of the only ones that know about the Kim Hoon Jae case, he never brings it up and that makes Yoo Ji appreciate him even more. Lee Hwa Dong became Rae Wook’s partner after he got on the bad side of the chief and this partnership was his punishment, except they work great as a team and solve many of the hard cases they’re assigned. 

Yoo Ji became their friend when she was tailing a suspect and they found her out. She befriended them, and Hwa Dong recognized her from the case. Since then she would hang out with them anytime they had the same case assigned and more often than not they work together since she deals with Armadillo cases in her station. The last time she had seen them was a few months before she left, she had written a particular article the higher-ups didn't like and her boss switched her to cover some petty fights between rich people which is why she was hanging out at the Haesung Hospital.

“I missed you, Firefly” he ruffled her hair, it was in a half up half down hairstyle with her bangs framing her face, but now it just looks like someone had flipped her hair upside down. Yoo Ji huffed and fixed her hair.

“I missed you too, but I definitely did not miss this” she pointed at her hair.

“Yoo Ji, why are you here?” Rae Wook said as he stared at Yoo Ji with a blank look.

“I got assigned another Armadillo case” Yoo Ji decided that she wouldn't beat around the bush and just told them why she’s here. She pulled out one piece of paper given to her by her boss.

“All they gave me was the autopsy report, which looks half-assed, to be honest,” she said as she handed Rae Wook the report. 

“He only recorded vague descriptions, you need a new M.E.” Yoo Ji informed them.

“Lee Eun Ki, the probable cause of death is a blunt force to the back of the head” Rae Wook read out loud. 

“M.E. also says that that's the only bruising he found on the body and I think that's bull” Yoo Ji continued. 

“Okay, we’ll go talk with the M.E. to find out more” Hwa Dong decided. Yoo Ji’s phone rang, it was Gwang Nam. Yoo Ji quickly declined his call and texted him she’ll call him later.

“Who is that?” Hwa Dong asked.

“No one” Yoo Ji answered too fast, she mentally cringed. 

“Oh, secret boyfriend” Rae Wook smirked. Yoo Ji stayed quiet not denying or confirming his assumption.

“I’ll go get his medical records to look them over. It will be just like old times!” Yoo Ji diverted the conversation away.

“He’s a doctor?” Hwa Dong teased.

“No, soldier, I was going to go have lunch with Mo Yeon anyway” Yoo Ji rolled her eyes, might as well tell them. They were going to meet him sooner or later. 

“Alright disperse, keep us updated if you find anything” Rae Wook finalized, Yoo Ji bid them goodbye and left the police station. 

Yoo Ji arrived at the hospital and went into the lobby to ask about Mo Yeon and where she would be. The nurse at the front desk told her that she’s probably in the cafeteria. When she spotted Mo Yeon and her friends, she went over to them. Mo Yeon sounded really angry on the phone, she slammed her phone down on the table.

“That sounds like a break up” Yoo Ji commented as Sang Hyun pulled a chair for her to sit in. 

“Ugh, I can't believe I have to do this.”  Mo Yeon groaned. 

“Why? Captain Yoo isn't coming after all?” Doctor Song asked. Yoo Ji stole a part of someone's sandwich.

“What a shame!” Chi Hoon responded with a small smile on his face.

“Have you resigned yet?” Yoo Ji ignored the two men as they started snickering.

“Captain Yoo would be able to quickly go and get the resignation letter that's upstairs in the Chairman's office.” Chi Hoon answered while also not answering Yoo Ji’s question. He waved his snickers bar in front of his face.

“You got rejected for the loan,” Yoo Ji stated after swallowing the bite. 

“Just go and plead.” Nurse Choi said. 

“How can I go and plead after making such a scene?” Mo Yeon whined and Yoo Ji raised an eyebrow. 

“I can’t believe I missed it!” Yoo Ji clicked her tongue in disappointment. Mo Yeon groaned and rested her forehead on the edge of the table.

“So then there's a professor's position available. Sweet.” Sang Hyun snapped his fingers.

“Then are you going to continue appearing on TV?” Sang Hyun continued to ask questions without letting Mo Yeon respond.

“Seriously, Sunbaenim.” Mo Yeon groaned, cutting off Sang Hyun’s ranting. The table rattled, Mo Yeon’s eyes widened, just like everyone else’s. Yoo Ji felt her heart jump into her throat and she held her breath as they all dived under the table. It took a few seconds for them to realize that it wasn't an earthquake but a few construction workers that were breaking up gravel on the main street. 

“Damn it” Yoo Ji murmured as he heartbeat slowed down. A doctor passing by leaned down.

“Is there something down here?” 

“I wish there was.” Doctor Song responded with a small laugh, which sounded more like an exhale of air to sound nonchalant. 

“Should we try laughing like it was a joke?” Doctor Kang pondered

“No.” all five of them responded simultaneously. Mo Yeon nodded and they stood up and settled back into their seats.

After their lunch, Yoo Ji told them that she has to go to the lobby to get some information on a new case she has and so she parted with them.

“So what's the new case?” Nurse Choi asked. 

“Deadman, no suspects” Yoo Ji responded as they walked to their destination. 

“Interesting” Yoo Ji nodded with a small smile, it won't be a mystery any longer, she will get the medical records and have some clues on where to go from there.

“Can you give me the medical file on Lee Eun Ki?” Yoo Ji asked the receptionist.

“Are you related to him?” the nurse asked. Yoo Ji got out her badge, she had one made that mirrored Rae Wook’s and Hwa Dong’s. Yoo Ji doubts they knew about it but they will not be surprised. 

“He’s dead, I need his medical records to investigate the cause of death,” Yoo Ji said with the most professional cop voice she could muster. Nurse Choi watched and shook her head. As soon as Yoo Ji got the file and the nurse left, Nurse Ha commented on Yoo Ji’s methods.

“You’ll get arrested for that”

“Not really, I’ve made friends with the whole police station” Yoo Ji stated, her eyes skimming through all the background information and all the other useless stuff. Her eyes caught on small details but it wasn't a big clue at all. The victim had a congenital disorder, it isn't specified which one which is strange usually it would say. 

Yoo Ji focused on who she can talk to that would know his last interaction with any information about what kind of person he was. The important kind of background information, not this white noise that's been recorded. Yoo Ji quickly dialed Hwa Dong’s number, after the third ring he picked up. Nurse Choi waved at her as she left to receive the emergency victim that was coming in.

“Hello,” 

“I got the relatives' information, but other than that, nothing really stands out” she informed him.

“The M.E. might not be sure if the blunt trauma was man inflicted, but the bruises on the face were definitely were and that's why he ruled it as a homicide.” Hwa Dong filled her in on their side of the investigation. There was a small pause before he spoke again with uncertainty in his voice.

“When we were down there, the M.E. told us that when he received the body, it seemed to be...too polished, almost like someone had cleaned up the evidence before he did”

“I’ll look into any of the family members that have a history with dead bodies, got it.” Yoo Ji nodded her head, she noticed Mo Yeon coming towards them. She hung up and watched as Mo Yeon put on gloves and started diagnosing the victim. Yoo Ji was still far enough that she can't hear them clearly, but it looks like she didn't get fired after all, just in the E.R. and Yoo Ji would bet that she was the on-call surgeon from now on. The chairman really had it out for her.

Mo Yeon acknowledged her as she got her gown and was explaining to Nurse Ha and Doctor Soong that she was fired from the VIP ward but was the E.R. surgeon all the time now. Yoo Ji bid them goodbyes and went back to the news station to start digging with the newfound information, no matter how little. 

As she was on the bus, she remembered to call Gwang Nam back. It should be a night at Urk. 

“Hello?” his voice came through.

“Sorry I couldn't respond I was at the police station” Yoo Ji looked down and picked at her backpacks loose strings. 

“So I was right.” he chuckled.

“I found something but it's just a start, I have so much work” Yoo Ji groaned. She barely got back and she was already starting to feel exhausted, her body had barely any time to recover from all the physical strain it had been in Urk and now she had to follow leads that will lead to more dead ends then the actual killer.

“You’ll be fine.” Gwang Nam assured her. 

Two days later

Yoo Ji had checked her phone at least 6 times at this point. Gwang Nam is supposed to text her that they arrived soon and she was itching to get off work and go to him. She missed him a lot. She was fidgety. If Hwa Dong and Rae Wook noticed, they didn't say anything, but Yoo Ji knew that Rae Wook would crack and ask. She was driving him insane.

“Stop. moving.” he gritted his teeth, glaring at her.

“Sorry” she apologized.

“Are you waiting for exam results? Why are you so anxious?” Hwa Dong set down the papers that they were looking at. Rae Wook was able to access some records of the relatives and they were reviewing their information such as their jobs and their relationship with the victim. 

“I am waiting for a phone call” Yoo Ji responded, not telling them the vital information that they seek. 

“From who?” Rae Wook asked, raising a questioning eyebrow at Yoo Ji’s mysteriousness.

“Uh- a friend I made when I was on my assignment” Yoo Ji’s eyes checked her phone again. 

“Boyfriend” Rae Wook and Hwa Dong smirked as they agreed. 

“What? No! It's nothing like that” Yoo Ji denied. 

“Hye Jin told us you met a soldier and that you’re waiting for his call”

“Why ask if you already knew” Yoo Ji rolled her eyes, she picked up her phone from her desk and pocketed it. 

“Are you not gonna tell us anything?” Hwa Dong asked. 

“There’s not much to tell, he's a First Sergeant, he comes back today from being deployed at Urk” Yoo Ji waved off. 

“When do we get to meet him?” Hwa Dong kept the conversation going, Rae Wook had picked up the forgotten papers and got back to reading while listening to Yoo Ji’s answers.

A small ping from Yoo Ji’s phone made her start grinning as she fished it out of her pocket and read the message. Gwang Nam had just finished meeting with his superior and could meet up. 

“You can meet him if you give me a ride” Yoo Ji grinned as she offered. Hwa Dong nodded and tapped Rae Wook so that he can wrap up and they can leave. 

“We’ll see if he’s worth it” Rae Wook muttered under his breath, he was walking behind Yoo Ji, she heard him and drew her elbow back and aimed a jab at his stomach. Yoo Ji got another text message with where they were supposed to meet.

“He is, he saved me on multiple occasions, not that I needed to be saved. But the thought counts” Yoo Ji replied to his skeptical comment. They all got into Hwa Dong’s car.

Yoo Ji was excited, it's only been a few days, but the new environment of their home feels more mysterious than the war-torn country they were in. Yoo Ji thought they could have more normal dates here, instead of minefield dates, although they sound cooler, Yoo Ji did like the idea of normalcy, just something about everyday life that makes her feel giddy. 

“Aw, look at Firefly all excited to meet with her boyfriend” Rae Wook teased looking back at her in the back of the car as he sat in the passenger seat. Yoo Ji rolled her eyes, she focused on the scenery passing by. She wondered how he would react to her friends. She quickly texted him that she was getting a ride from her friends and he’ll meet them today. Gwang Nam responded that he doesn’t mind. 

They arrived at the coffee shop, Yoo Ji jumped out of the car, she was swinging slightly on the balls of her feet. Rae Wook and Hwa Dong looked at her with chuckles and amusement in their eyes.

They walked in and Yoo Ji’s eyes swept around to spot Gwang Nam. Instead, Gwang Nam noticed her first and waved her over. Yoo Ji was taken back, she hasn't seen him in casual clothing in so long. He was wearing white shirt and black slacks. As they neared his table, she noticed a black blazer that matched his pants. He looked good, glowing even in the winter air. She felt herself slip into comfortableness as she subconsciously remembered how at ease he makes her. She didn't need to be on guard all the time when she was with him, she trusted him. It had little to do with actual protection even though she knows he can probably physically protect her, but also in every way emotionally. 

Rae Wook and Hwa Dong were observing Yoo Ji closely, she watched as her demeanor went excited to relax, just at the sight of the man. They gave each other glances, and they came to an understanding that this man really had Yoo Ji’s complete or most of her trust, so he must be trustworthy. 

“Let me introduce you guys, Gwang Nam meet Detectives Kang Rae Wook and Lee Hwa Dong,” Yoo Ji started as soon as they got settled at the table, “Rae Wook and Hwa Dong meet First Sergeant Lim Gwang Nam.” 

The men shook hands and smiled politely, Yoo Ji scrunched her nose at the formality of the air, she’s seen both men be comfortable, the awkwardness is really unnecessary, in her opinion.

“How was your flight back?” 

“It was fine, the turbulence wasn't bad” Gwang Nam assured her. 

“Did you just come back?” Rae Wook asked, Gwang Nam nodded. 

“Yoo Ji’s flight was two days earlier than mine, I had to leave with my team,” he explained. The two cops nodded. 

“What do you specialize in?” Hwa Dong questioned curiously. Yoo Ji remained quiet but silently rolled her eyes, they were questioning him like he was in an interrogation.

“Sniping and hand to hand”

“How many confirmed kills?” Rae Wook fired his next question.

“that's confidential information.” Yoo Ji cut in, she raised an eyebrow at Rae Wook. 

“This sounds like an interrogation, not a friendly get together. Stop,” Yoo Ji firmly ended the questioning. 

“Alright, I apologize for my coworker’s behavior, we just care a lot about our friend” Hwa Dong relented first under Yoo Ji’s gaze. 

“It’s alright, it’s good that Yoo Ji has friends that care about her,” Gwang Nam smiled. 

“Well that's a first, usually we don't hear Yoo Ji’s boyfriends very happy that she's friends with two male cops” Rae Wook snorted, Yoo Ji mentally facepalmed. She should’ve taken just Hwa Dong, he doesn't cause as much trouble as Rae Wook.

“Ah well, it comforts me that there are people around her that can protect her,” he paused before adding, “if she can't do it herself, of course.” he grinned as he looked at Yoo Ji’s deadpanning face. The two cops chuckled at the couple.

“We see that you care about her very much,” Hwa Dong approved, smiling.

“How was Urk? Did she cause trouble? I heard that she fucked shit up at least three times” Rae Wook smirked as Yoo Ji sighed and groaned. 

“It was good, she just kept on pulling out cards with ‘I do what I want’ on them and got kidnapped and escaped by herself” Gwang Nam chuckled as he revealed their adventures. 

“Damn Firefly, you can't even let him play knight in shining armor for at least one night” Rae Woook teased Yoo Ji. 

“I don't need saving, I handled it by myself just fine” Yoo Ji huffed. 

“Oh I remember, you had the guy at gunpoint” Gwang Nam stated.

“You let her use a gun?” Hwa Dong demanded.

“We taught her how to use a gun, remember? Why are you so surprised? Wait until she uses it on a civilian and then be shocked” Rae Wook deadpanned. 

“Hopefully that day won’t come” Gwang Nam responded, chuckling, Yoo Ji had her face in her hands in humiliation. 

“Okay, we actually have to go do more research on the ongoing Armadillo case, but it was nice meeting you” Hwa Dong said as he checked his watch. Rae Wook nodded and both of them left the table. Yoo Ji excused herself to talk to them separately.

“Are you guys hiding something from me? I didn't know we had more information to look for?” she queried.

“We scheduled an interview with the person that found the body, just some routine stuff you can skip. We’ll tell you if we find anything” Hwa Dong assured her as he gave her a side hug and Rae Wook saluted her with a smirk. 

Yoo Ji returned to her seat.

“They didn't tell me they were interviewing someone,” Yoo Ji explained to Gwang Nam when she came back. Gwang Nam nodded and sipped his drink. 

“So what do you plan to do now that you’re back?” Yoo Ji asked. She didn't know what he normally did when he was his civilian self, she couldn't assume he would do routine checks on their weapons even in Korea. 

“Well I am on vacation for three days, I haven't decided yet.” he responded, looking deep in thought.

“What about Shi Jin and Dae Young?” Yoo Ji continued, she stole his drink and sipped the iced coffee. Gwang Nam chuckled.

“They are embarking on their ‘No Nights and Three Days’ adventure” 

“What is that?” Yoo Ji furrowed her eyebrows. 

“They drink for three days and don't sleep or go home,” he explained. Yoo Ji’s eyes widened. 

“That sounds fun,” Yoo Ji laughed.

“Will you be joining them?” 

“Will you?” 

“I don't know, I haven't decided yet. It depends on whether we’re going to do anything together.”

“Do you have any ideas on what you want to do?” Yoo Ji commented when she found Gwang Nam looking at her with a glint. 

“Let’s go airsofting” 

“You're not sick of shooting guns all the time?” Yoo Ji asked incredulously.

“It’s my job and hobby” Gwang Nam shrugged, “besides I never got to see how good you were, I always came at the end” he chuckled. 

“Don't cry when I beat your ass,” Yoo Ji smirked.

It was the day after Yoo Ji and Gwang Nam’s small date. Yoo Ji was going to go investigate the family members. The two cops and Yoo Ji decided that the assailant was probably someone the victim knew seeing as there weren't any defensive wounds. 

The victim’s parents own a barbecue place, and that's where Yoo Ji was heading. She wanted to observe them before she actually asked them any questions. Yoo Ji found that watching them in their natural habitat can tell you a lot about them, she can find out if they are financially stable, if they handle stress well, how they respond to rude customers. It all tells something about their character as a family. 

She sat in the back of the restaurant and ordered like a normal customer, she spent hours watching the mother; Choi Jun Bae and the father; Lee Don Hee. they were in their late 60s. They served customers and made their orders. It was a very busy day, they were running around and didn't even have time to make eye contact. Yoo Ji huffed, this proved to be useless, It doesn't always yield results. She paid for her food and left. 

As she was leaving she got a text message from Myung Ju to come to a certain food joint. Yoo Ji furrowed her eyebrows until the realization dawned on her, the ‘no night and three days’ the boys were doing. She quickly texted back that she’s on her way and got off the bus to take another that's going in the right direction. Yoo Ji mentally scowled, she should really invest in a car. She knows how to drive one but she doesn't own one.

As soon as she arrived she peeked in, she saw Mo Yeon’s back standing in front of a table where Myung Ju was sitting in her uniform sipping soup. She went inside with a smile, but her smile faded as she saw the boys completely wasted. Cheol Ho was resting his head against the back of his seat, Woo Geun was sleeping on Cheol Ho’s lap, and Gwang Nam was wearing a pink sweater passed out completely, head on the table. Yoo Ji raised an eyebrow with amusement

“Y’all didn't wait for me?” Yoo Ji’s disappointed tone made Shi Jin and Dae Young lull their heads towards her voice. Myung Ju and Mo Yeon looked at her with opposite expressions, Myung Ju was calm, unfazed, while Mo Yeon looked shocked and in disbelief.

“What is this mess? When did these men get here?” Mo Yeon asked.

“Why did you get here so late?” Myung Ju asked Mo Yeon, chewing on the food. 

“It's because the night shift barely ended just now.” Mo Yeon replied.

“How did you get here so fast?” Myung Ju addressed Yoo Ji who was standing next to Mo Yeon. 

“I was close,” Yoo Ji responded, her eyes never leaving Gwang Nam’s figure. Yoo Ji rounded the table and sat in front of Gwang Nam directly.

“Are these men usually like this?” Mo Yeon questioned, she pointed at the boys like they were aliens, which at this point they were probably drunk enough to think they were aliens.

“Why does our reunion have to look like this?” she paused, her eyes squinting with mild annoyance, “I was going to make a welcome placard with hearts drawn on it and go to the airport.” 

“I bought some clothes, and I even put a facial mask on my face.” 

“The kimchi stew here is really good.” Myung Ju nodded at Mo Yeon’s rant. 

“Why don't you have a bowl?” Myung Ju offered the two girls, Yoo Ji reached over and poured some in an empty bowl. 

“Where are you going?” Mo Yeon stopped Myung Ju as she moved to leave. 

“I am going back to the unit. I am not on a break.” Myung Ju replied. Yoo Ji watched them as they conversed, she took small sips of the stew, her eyes fleeing to Gwang Nam’s passed out figure every few seconds. 

“Why are you leaving by yourself? You should take Sergeant First Class Seo with you.” Mo Yeon stated. Yoo Ji rolled her eyes and softly snorted, ‘yeah, like that will happen’ she thought. 

Yoo Ji watched as Shi Jin grabbed the ladle and scooped some of the stew and fed Dae Young as he saluted. Yoo Ji grinned at the hilarious sight.

“It's no nights and 3 days, so I can't take him with me.” Myung Ju told Mo Yeon.

“No nights and how many days now? They must be crazy!” Mo Yeon exclaimed, turning to look at the men and Yoo Ji who started to pour alcohol into her glass.

“The girl that just came in is so pretty.” Shi Jin whispered drunkenly to Dae Young.

“You’ve got to be kidding me?” Mo Yeon moaned as she watched Shi Jin but her exclamation was towards Yoo Ji.

“What? It's free alcohol” Yoo Ji shrugged and drank her shot.

“The girl that just left is way prettier.” Dae Young glanced at Mo Yeon with half-lidded eyes.

“No way! This woman is so much prettier, you know.” Shi Jin refuted. The two drunk men kept their conversation going but Mo Yeon focused on Yoo Ji was behind them

“How did you even know about this?” Mo Yeon asked Yoo Ji. 

“Gwang Nam told me yesterday.” 

“Don't you have a job?” Mo Yeon scrutinized. Yoo Ji scrunched her nose and gulped a shot. 

“I hit a dead end,” she scowled. 

“So you’re going to be drinking the rest of the day?” Mo Yeon sarcastically commented.

“Yes, it’s time to celebrate their return” Yoo Ji responded with a chuckle, “I am kidding, I am not going to do that. I have to meet with the detectives to look at the evidence.”

The next day, she got a text message from Gwang Nam telling her that he had gone home the night before, hammered, and needed the morning to recover. So their coffee date was postponed to the afternoon. That was fine with Yoo Ji, she still had a lot of groundwork to do. She had to follow the victim’s sister, Lee Eun Yong, who worked part-time at her parent’s food joint and in a nursing home. 

Rae Wook told Yoo Ji that it was useless to follow her when Rae Wook and Hwa Dong had interviewed her; she was crossed off the list because she was too timid and also had an alibi. Yoo Ji insisted that she might lead them to the killer. She works for a nursing home, she must have relations with a nearby coroner in case someone from the elderly dies. That would be her next possible lead, even if Lee Eun Yong wasn’t directly involved with the murder.

Yoo Ji recorded Lee Eun Yong’s movements and how she carried herself. Yoo Ji noticed the slight tremor in the girl’s right hand. Yoo Ji doesn’t recall reading about any illnesses in her file, but not surprising. People go years before they go to a doctor if they have a slight tremor or something wrong with them, especially if they are financially struggling. 

Yoo Ji snapped out of her trance staring at empty space now that Lee Eun Yong had disappeared from her when she felt her phone buzz. It was a call from Hye Jin telling her to go back to the station because the boss wanted to talk to her.  

“I am assigning you to cover the political dinner between the South Korean and the North Korea Presidents” he stated, not even looking up to make eye contact with her as soon as she opened the door.

“But I am following the Armadillo case that you assigned me” Yoo Ji protested, the case was going very slow, she didn't have any solid leads yet.

“Put it on hold, I want you to cover this. Don't mess it up” he waved his hand, dismissing Yoo Ji’s protest. Yoo Ji took that as her cue to leave. She walked back to her desk and scowled. There are too many leads and too many loose ends. She had to get to the bottom of this case. 

Yoo Ji sighed, she’ll have to do what her boss assigned her to do. She started to pull up all the articles detailing the visit and when it will go down. She still had a week until she had to cover it. She knows that the South Korean President will be visiting North Korea tomorrow. Yoo Ji sighed and rested her head against her desk.

“What happened? You sighed like 5 times” Jung Hye Jin asked.

“He assigned me the political dinners on top of the Armadillo Case” she mumbled. 

“Wow! He really hates you right now” Hye Jin cringed, “you shouldn't have written that article last year, you wouldn't be in this position” he added.

“It's not my problem one of the shareholders decided to kill their children” Yoo Ji refuted.

“You didn't have to write the article” Hye Jin reminded her, Yoo Ji picked up her head from her desk and narrowed her eyes at the man.

“What happened to freedom of the press? It's not like I slandered them. I wrote what happened” she snapped back.

“And look what happened to you, you got sent to a foreign country for 9 months and then assigned an Armadillo case plus a political dinner that's impossible to get into if you're not well known.” Hye Jin listed.

“I am pretty sure the shareholder’s life in prison is easier than yours right now” he added.

“I know” Yoo Ji whined, slumping back into her chair. Hye Jin looked at her with a pitying smile. 

“It's fine, I can do this” Yoo Ji shook her head and said out loud, trying to convince herself. Yoo Ji gathered her stuff and went to the coffee shop she planned to meet Gwang Nam in.

She arrived earlier than Gwang Nam this time, she settled inside the coffee shop and ordered. She sighed as she waited for him to come. She was scrolling through her phone when she heard him pull out the chair that was on the opposite side of her. 

“Hey, how was work today?” Gwang Nam’s voice asked. He set his drink down next to hers

“It was fine, I got assigned another article but I can manage” 

“What’s it on?” 

“Some political dinners.” Yoo Ji waved off, she wasn't interested in that topic.

“The case I am investigating is getting weirder”

“How come?”

“There’s no strong lead suspects and the family looks like it just moved on, like nothing happened” Yoo Ji stared off to the side, pondering what was the deal with the Lee family. 

“I am sure you’ll figure it out,” Gwang Nam assured. He smiled at her, she could tell that he was hungover but only because his eyes were still rimmed with red. 

“How was the night with the boys?” Yoo Ji asked. Gwang Nam looked confused.

“You came?” 

“Yeah the kimchi stew was good” Yoo Ji smirked at Gwang Nam’s confusion. 

“Wait, you actually came? Where was I?”

“Passed out on the table” Yoo Ji responded with a grin. Gwang Nam was about to say something when his phone interrupted him.

“Hello,” “yes, sir” “power of unity” Gwang Nam hung up and looked at Yoo Ji as she stared at him with curiosity.

“I have to go” he stated, his face calm but his eyes churned with worry. Yoo Ji wasn't sure what he was worried about.

“Work?” Yoo Ji sipped her drink. Gwang Nam nodded.

“I am sorry” he apologized. Yoo Ji shook her head, waving him off. He can't apologize for his job. 

“I’ll text you when I am done. Okay? We still have to go airsofting” Gwang Na promised as he gathered his coat and drink and moved to leave. Yoo Ji nodded and told him to be safe, as he left. She sighed. This didn't last very long. She went back to the police station to work some more.

“Following her wasn't a total waste of time.” Yoo Ji stated as soon as she reached Rae Wook’s desk. He turned towards her and raised an eyebrow.

“She works at a nursing home,” Yoo Ji said with glee.

“So?” 

“So? So she probably knows a coroner” Yoo Ji said with a matter of fact voice.

“How in the world did you come to this conclusion?” 

“You said that the M.E. said that the body of the victim looked ‘polished’” Yoo Ji rolled her eyes, Rae Wook was too slow. 

“Okay and?” Hwa Dong added as he walked to his own desk with a steaming cup of coffee. 

“Come on guys! She works at a nursing home, where the elderly will soon die and will need to be buried” Yoo Ji elaborated, waiting for them to catch onto her train of thought. They didn't.

“She knows the coroner, it’s her cousin. Shin Young Won” Yoo Ji handed Rae Wook the coroner’s file. 

“How do you do that?” Hwa Dong asked in amazement.

“Don't praise her just yet, this might lead to nowhere” Rae Wook reprimanded, Yoo Ji’s grin faded into a sarcastic glare towards Rae Wook.

“At least, I got us somewhere.”

-Shi Jin went to visit Mo Yeon at the hospital and meets the Chairman then they went to meet Dae Young and Myung Ju in the cafe-

A few days had passed and Yoo Ji was getting ready to sneak into the hotel where they were going to have the political dinner. Okay, that's a lie, she can't sneak in even if she wanted to, the security was going to be airtight and she would not be able to get in, so she used her second best thing, her connections. She called one of the major reporters in the area who she knew would definitely have a place in the press conference. He owed her a favor for helping him cover a story a few years ago. At this point, she can barely remember what he needed help with mostly because so many people owe her favors. It's the nature of her job, connections are everything.

Gwang Nam had come back from his mission and they were able to set a time to go airsofting. They didn't talk about work, well they tried not to on the way. 

“How’s the case going?”

“Rae Wook and Hwa Dong are tailing the victim’s family, nothing yet though” Yoo Ji responded.

“I am not as involved as I want to be since I was assigned to another issue too.” Yoo Ji huffed in slight annoyance, tailing is her favorite part of an investigation, but she couldn't participate because she had to get her information and questions ready for the press conference/dinner. 

“Are you ready to be obliterated?” Yoo Ji challenged Gwang Nam with a smirk.

“Are you ready to face failure?” Gwang Nam retorted back, as they put on their gears and chose their weapons. 

 As soon as they were ready and they were given the okay sign to go inside the arena, they both went opposite ways. Yoo Ji wasted no time trying to find a good hiding spot just in case things go south.

Gwang Nam waited with bated breath to hear the sound of the alarm going off to start the official game. The alarm blared throughout the dark arena. Gwang Nam waited and listened to footsteps or any movement. Since they both had goggles, his vision was a little obscured but still better than normal people, since he’s used to them. He has no idea if Yoo Ji is as accustomed to it, so he’ll have to be extra cautious because that counts as a weakness. 

Yoo Ji had her gun pointed in front of her, and focused her senses, she zeroed in on hearing since the goggles weren’t allowing her to see much from her peripheral vision. She pivoted on her feet, trying to cover all her sides, it wasn't dark, but it was indoor, so some places had more light than others. She heard a shot near her and she booked it behind drywall. They were the only ones in the arena, they were able to book it for just them two because it's a smaller arena.

She peeked from behind the wall and aimed her gun towards the general direction of where the shot came from. She used the sniper scope on her rifle and looked for Gwang Nam. she spotted movement, she quickly shot at it and hid behind the drywall acting as a shield. For a few seconds she heard nothing and she waited, holding her breath.

The rule of this game is to see how many times they can kill each other. They don't die infinitely, it will take 12 seconds to come back ‘to life’. The timer is attached to the tactical vest, it blocks the guns from shooting at that time through transmitters on the weapons and the vest. Yoo Ji peaked and started moving, she wasn't going to sit in one place for too long.

As they played they stayed on the tip of their toes, no one really gaining an upper hand. As the game progressed, they were getting more competitive and harder to locate. Gwang Nam would get a good shot but she would reciprocate with a shot of her own a minute later. As Gwang Nam reloaded his gun, he thought that she would be a great partner, the only reason he wouldn't entertain that thought longer is that Yoo Ji had already spotted his hiding spot and he had to roll away from her rain of fire.

Yoo Ji kept her guard up the whole 30 minutes that they played. At some point, she forgot how many kills she has, and just focused on shooting the target. He was good, and he had to be. But Yoo Ji was growing frustrated and more competitive than ever. 

Yoo Ji hid behind a tall hollow structure, there were cutouts, to mimic windows, she caught his figure darting between two structures. She pivoted to follow his movement and aimed to shoot him as he continued to run between the pillars. Yoo Ji cocked her gun to get a better grip, but after a few seconds he didn't come out. She lowered her arms and started to creep closer. As she turned to corner him with her gun at his chest. She looked up with a smirk, but it slowly faded as she noticed that he had his helmet and goggles off. 

“I have to leave,” Gwang Nam stated, keeping eye contact with Yoo Ji.

“Where are you going?” Yoo Ji asked confused, she thought he was off duty for at least two more days.

“I have to go shoot real guns now” Gwang Nam tried to joke, to lighten the mood. Yoo Ji smiled back, she understood, his job was unplanned and had no personal boundaries and that’s okay. She gets that, she has the same drawbacks in her own profession. 

“Okay, let’s go, but for the record,” Yoo Ji dismissed feigning leaving, but quickly shot him in the chest, she smirked when he yelped in surprise.

“I win.” 

“Oh no, you did not! That was cheating!” Gwang Nam whined, stomping his feet stubbornly. Yoo Ji shook her head, acting like she didn't hear him, she skipped to the exit and started to take off the gear. She stopped midway when she felt his arms wrap around her from the back.

“I am going to get back at you for this later” he murmured in her ear as he buried his head into her shoulders.

“We’ll see about that, Piccolo” Yoo Ji teased. 

After they were done giving back the gear and getting their belongings, Gwang Nam dropped Yoo Ji at the police station and went to the base. 

Yoo Ji sighed and headed up, she was tired from the game that they played, but there was still time for her to look over some documents. She was hoping Hwa Dong or Rae Wook was still in the office. As soon as she reached their desks, she plopped into an extra chair, and grabbed one of the documents, and flipped through it. 

“Jesus Christ, you scared me, why are you here?” Hwa Dong put his hand over his chest. He was caught off guard at Yoo Ji’s figure lounging on his chair. He had gone to make some noodles as a late-night snack as he finished paperwork of a previous case he had finished.

“Something doesn't make sense” Yoo Ji shook her head.

“Shouldn't you be with your boyfriend right now?” Hwa Dong ignored Yoo Ji, he knew that she was just thinking out loud, mostly because multiple times before he had tried to contribute to her thought process but she would cut him off, her brain working too fast or not at all, there's no in-between.

“He had to leave, his job called. How does the coroner make a profit?” Yoo Ji answered offhandedly. 

“He makes a profit off the deceased” Hwa Dong answered obviously. 

“No, not what I meant” Yoo Ji She waved her hand dismissing his answer.

“When I went around the nursing home, I asked who does the burials and funerals, and they said that Eun Yong has a cousin that does it at no cost for the elderly that have no families.” Yoo Ji recounted from her memory.

“So how does a coroner make a profit when he doesn’t charge from his major source of work?” Yoo Ji pondered out loud. 

Hwa Dong dug in the big pile of papers on both his desk and Rae Wook’s, coming up with the background information on the cousin, Shin Young Won. his bank statement, his criminal records, general information like that. 

Yoo Ji focused on his bank statements, he doesn't seem to be financially struggling as his cousins.

“He’s been getting big amounts of money from another account,” Hwa Dong analyzed.

“I’ll try to see if we can trace it to the original sender,” he told Yoo Ji as he inputted some kind of data into the computer. Hwa Dong is a detective but he also was very tech-savvy, he knew his way around a laptop and can extract any information he wants. He majored in computer coding when he attended college, but that’s all Yoo Ji knows about his history of messing with computers. 

“The money was transferred from an offshore account, but the original sender was from here, Korea,” Hwa Dong paused, letting the data load.

“It looks like its insurance companies” Hwa Doong furrowed his eyebrows, that doesn't make sense, why would insurance companies be sending money to a person whom none of his family members died until recently.

“Insurance fraud?” Yoo Ji and Hwa Dong said simultaneously. 

[stevecanmakeanythingnerdy]

Battle #24

Pond: S/T ( Side 1 )

Vs.

Alan Parsons Project : Eye in the Sky ( Side One )

Pond: S/T ( Side 1 )

Pond was a band from Portland, Oregon. They formed in 1991 and broke up in 1998. They were signed to the infamous Sub Pop records for their first two albums, and the Work Group records (a sub-label of Sony Records) for their last album. Sub Pop in those days, and Seattle in general, was largely known for one thing. Grunge. Here’s the thing though...Pond technically falls in between those cracks. Their songs have so much more texture and melody and I feel they really were very different, both musically and lyrically. They were...different. Even in a genre that defines itself as different. No, I feel like Pond was really an uncredited steppingstone to bigger things for Sub Pop, branching out and showing diversity. Unfortunately for Pond I feel like they got lost in the shuffle because they are a SEVERELY underrated band. They were only a three piece yet sounded like much much more. I credit a large part of that to Chris Brady’s very bass driven harmonies (he played lots of chords) complimented by the rich and full drumming of David Triebwasser and surrounded by Charlie Campbell’s distinguishing guitar, almost like second vocals. In fact those vocals (again Chris) were unique in and of themselves. Just raspy enough to sound Nirvana-esque but still their own thing. Yes, this album is a masterpiece in my opinion. There is not a bad tune on it. Oh, and I love that there is a Masters of the Universe Whiplash figure buried in the jumble of toys, etc on the cover. This three piece was well suited together but was, as most good bands are, short lived. They went on to form other projects, most notably Brady’s Audio Learning Center (featuring a member of another great and more obscure Sub Pop band, Sprinkler), which has some pretty great songsmith ingredients as well. So Pond really should be more talked about than they are, which is why I am talking them up so much. “Young Splendor” begins the brilliance of this album. Haunting jaunts and darts on the guitar and layers of mesmerizing lyrical lines. It’s pure gold and poetry drenched in guitar feedback that’s perfectly placed. Speaking of perfect...”Perfect Four” is the next song and is just another example of the tight arrangements and talent level of the three piece. “Gone” has those brick heavy sludge moments mixed with the softer sides of emo. Metallic elements mixed with alternative rock. Man I used to hate that term, it was so overused, but it is actually very accurate here. Rock, but in an alternative way. Next is their single off the album, “Agatha”. There’s an interesting video for this one, and some creepy ass cello! Wait what? Just kidding, it’s actually the bass guitar, played like a cello with a bow! How often do you get that in a rock song?! It’s a cool, and indicative feature of this band. Thinking (and rocking) outside of the box. Neat and subtle tricks like the one vocal sung in monotone while the compliment vocal is all higher harmonies. Check it out for yourself, it’s pretty wicked. Lastly is the slow and churning “Tree”. It still has triumphant riffs and tells a little story. This band is so unique. Slow and grooving and locked in. The complex arrangements are just so well thought out it’s practically criminal. The album is a spectacular debut and one of my all time favorite Sub Pop releases. Of course it’s on murky pond scum green wax. Get it if you can find one, you won’t be disappointed. Pond is definitely more than the boring pool of stagnation that their namesake suggests.

Alan Parsons Project : Eye in the Sky ( Side One )

So who is this Alan guy anyway? Well, I am glad you asked so I could look it up because I don’t really know. He was an audio engineer and producer but als9 wrote his own music. One time Alan met Eric Woolfson. Woolfson was also a composer, a pianist, and a singer. So naturally the two of them decided to form a project. I guess they decided to put Alan’s name on it. Almost all the songs on the Project's albums are credited to "Woolfson/Parsons". So then, The Alan Parsons Project were a British rock band active between 1975 and 1990, whose core membership consisted of Alan Parsons and Eric Woolfson. They were accompanied by a varying number of session musicians and some relatively consistent band members. It more or less these two formed a band so to speak. So yeah, the producer basically formed his own band...kind of like how a movie director inserts himself into a scene in the movie. The band's sound is described as progressive rock, art rock, progressive pop, and soft rock. So take your pick I guess. “Sirius" is the first track and is their best-known and most-frequently heard of all Parsons/Woolfson songs. Stadium rock via a symphonic synthesizer serenade. It was used as entrance music by various American sports teams, most notably by the Chicago Bulls during their 1990s NBA dynasty. No REALLY. It was also used as the entrance theme for Ricky Steamboat in pro wrestling of the mid-1980s. So most likely you’ve heard it before. I recognized it instantly. But more brilliantly than that it fades directly and perfectly into their radio hit “Eye in the Sky”. The song is calming and serene. I can remember thinking that as a child when I heard it. It’s just...peaceful. I think it’s the softly sung vocals. It’s on my optical jams playlist, too. (#seewhatididthere) “Children of the Moon” follows with it’s slight yacht rock/dentist office vibe. Lighter fanfare for sure but there are elements of rock as well. It too fades and blends into “Gemini” which is essentially instrumental which in turn fades into “Silence and I”. The whole album reads like a musical or movement of a classical nature. It’s a synthetic symphony. The latter is a building song that crescendos. I’m sure a purposeful contradiction to the descriptions of silence. This one has a Hotel California/Eagles vibe. I do like The astrological, Star and Egyptian theme as well. A nice contrast with some striking similarities for today’s matchup! A very orchestrated and arranged matchup with an unofficial “green” theme as well. Let’s see how it all played out.

Pond is certainly more than just a stagnant pool of water, they are a pool of talented musicians! They managed to burn 150 calories over 5 songs and 23 minutes. They averaged 30.0 calories burned per song and 6.523 calories burned per minute. Yeah, it was THAT close...we had to go to the thousandth!! Pond earned 13 out of 15 possible stars. Alan Parsons had his eyes on the skies. He and his project burned 137 calories over 21 minutes and 5 songs. They averaged 27.40 calories burned per song and 6.524 calories burned per minute! Earning them 9 out of 15 possible stars. Looking only at the numbers...literally down to the thousandths, Alan Parsons Project wins. In my personal opinion Pond was shafted but I play no bias. The numbers don’t lie.

Alan Parsons Project : “Sirius/Eye in the Sky”. Live so you get both...they’re a companion piece after all.

https://youtu.be/pwEqUy99qkg

Also, Pond’s “Agatha” because...come on! Those numbers were soooo close!!

https://youtu.be/5xzRUFGesRA

#Randomrecordworkoutseasonseven

#Randomrecordworkout

[sae-bae-pdx]

A short story from the lost chronicles of the Light.

In an cavern set deep in the earth, four figures stood in the icy cold waters of the underground lake. They were standing in a half moon facing a fifth person who was facing out, just a few yards from the drop off. Singing to the deep dark waters below.

Max had lit the tourches to help illuminate the dark ceiling. Her arrows were able to reach over the water, giving just enough light.

Knee deep in water they needed to see what was around them.

“Five little ducks went swimming one day” The 5th figure started singing into the darkness in front of her. Her sweet voice drifted over the still water and echo’d off the walls.

“Over the hill and far away”

“ I really don’t understand ?” Nessa said as she shuffled in the water. She was the smallest of the group, the water was at her mid thighs. Her short hair and small body was perfect for crawling into small spaces but she was miserable in the cold water.

“She trained the damn thing to come to this song” Seph responded shaking her head. She matched Athena in her build and size. Tall and lean. Her blonde hair at times was the only indicator that she was not their leader.

“Of course she did” Nessa shook her head as she and Seph stood in the middle facing Athena. Max and Kat on the outer corners.

“Mama duck said quack quack quack and 4 little ducks came waddling back” Athena finished singing out.

The others spun around weapons in hand, waiting for something to appear. The waters moved about lapping at the walls but nothing broke above the surface.

“We should get deeper” Seph said as they all took a few steps forward.

“ maybe it died” Max said as she looked around at the fairly clean cave. No foul smell arose from its depths. Something she would expect from a monster this size. She put her knives back into her belt. Keeping her hands on her hips, relaxed.

“Then why would we be here?” Kat whispered back. “ the call was because so much live stock have gone missing.” She had notice the soft sand they were walking on wasn’t littered with any debris or objects that they had to avoid.

“But where are the bones?” Seph questioned to herself.

Athena started her song again.

“4 little ducks went swimming one day” she began.

“ Dead. I vote dead” Max proclaimed to the rest of the group.

Seph returned her sword to her back and crossed her arms. “Who should we be looking for then?” She asked.

“Mass murderer? There was that one lady from around here, with the virgins right?” Max questioned

Athena was trying to ignore the conversation behind her;but this made her chuckle.

“That was not my fault” Seph responded almost immediately.

“So your fault” Athena whispered over her shoulder.

Kat giggled.

Nessa returned her sword to its sheath and crossed her arms in thought

“Dead” Seph voted.

Athena sighed “Over the hill and far away” she continued. “Mama duck said quack quack QUACK” Athena sung out as emotionally as she could into the darkness as though she herself was calling out to her lost child. She let the last note hang in the air and they heard it echo down the chamber into the deeper dark parts they could not see.

Nothing returned her call. Athena spun around and looked at Seph.

“I don’t remember the cavern being this deep.” She said as a question more then a statement.

“Are we in the right one?” Seph responded

“Dead” Nessa finally decided as a chill from the water ran up her back.

“Not dead” Athena responded distracted in thought

“the bones could be at the bottom of the pool” Kat tried to explain. Athena pointed at her as if in agreement “ Kat’s on my side.”

“Dead” Nessa,Seph and Max all repeated.

“ but how else would it lure its victims here” Kat explained. “ some nasty smelling cave would turn people away. Think about it. A nice cool cave. Secluded, romantic”

“Cows have gone missing” was all Max was able to say before something from the depths reached out and grabbed her leg pulling her under the water quickly before releasing her inches away from Athena. 30 yards from where she originally stood.

Max shot up coughing and shaken for a brief moment. She was built like a gladiator, square and stout. Nothing knocks Max down in battle she reminded herself as she regained control. The rest of the group looked on. All of their weapons had returned to their hands.

Athena looked at Max shaking her head with a smile “would we like to change our vote?” Athena asked as she helped Max get back on her feet.

Max shook her head and returned the smile as she pulled her knifes back out.

“I think I slipped” was all she said as Athena laughed turning back to darkness to sing some more.

With each verse another member of outside party is grabbed and drug to Athena by an unknown arm that moved silently in the dark water.

At the end Kat stood alone away from the group. She swayed back and forth, the anticipation was killing her.

“What happens once the song is over?” Max asks Seph. “ that’s when she fed him” Seph said very quietly as Athena sang the first few words.

“ it’s gonna eat me isn’t it?” Kat asked as Athena took a breath and began to chuckle.

“I’m sure you can kill it” Nessa cheered on.

“How big was it last time you saw it?” Max asked. Seph made a face that suggested it was rather large.

“ it won’t eat you” Athena reassured.

“This cavern was smaller last time” Seph remarked. She started noticing claw marks on the ceiling and walls where it has been dug at to expand the size. “ I think it grew”

“it’s not going to eat you” Athena again responded keeping eye contact with Kat.

“ or had babies” Max remarked.

“That are not trained to not eat us” Kat yelled out as she held on to her swords ready for a fight.

“There was just one, so how could it have babies? I’m going to sing this last verse he is going to pull you over here, and then pop out over there” Athena remarked, pointing “Nothing is going to eat you” She said to Kat “I won’t let it”

Athena continued on with her song.

“May the goddess keep us safe” Kat mumbled into the cave.

“May the goddess keep us safe” the other three responded as Athena sang on.

At the typical point where all the others had been taken Kat was also pulled under and drug. But she did not stop as the others had. They watched in horror as she was pulled pasted them in the water. Kat surfaced a couple hundred yards away in the deep end of the pool. She surfaced. “Well now what” she yelled barely audible by the group. She started swimming to the group.

A few yards behind her three large creatures surface the water. The group could only make out the shapes in the darkness. Kat had no idea.

“Fuck” Athena whispered as she dove in to the water towards Kat.

“How?!?” Max lamented before following Athena into the dark pool.

Seph and Nessa stayed behind watching the scene play out. Athena raced to Kat who seemed to be unaware of the creatures.

“Swim faster “ Nessa yells out.

Kat stops swimming and looks up “what?!?” She yells back. One of the creatures dives under and moments later Kat yelps as she is pulled under the surface forcefully.

Athena and max take noticeably deep breaths and dive under. The two other creatures follow.

Seph and Nessa stay where they are waist deep in the pool. They watch the water for any signs of what’s happening. Nessa begins to pace. “Stop” Seph hisses at her after a moment.

Suddenly a blast comes from the water as Max and Sam emerge a few yards from them.

“So the bones are at the bottom of the pool” Max informed them betweens breaths. They walked up to join the other two. Kat was also out of breath just grunted.

“Mystery solved” Seph states as she scanned the waters looking for Athena. They stood in silence for what felt like hours before Seph motioned for them to take higher ground.

“So how many are there? “ Seph asks as they all walk to the more shallow part of the cave.

“4, three babies and one giant one with a long arm. “ Max reported.

“Just 2 now” Athena said as she stood up just a few yards from where they had originally been standing.

She had just surfaced and was kneeling down to catch her breath. A new cut across her cheek and down her arm had appeared. Some blood had spilled out but nothing seemed to be severe. Her hair was flayed all about, ripped out of her intricate braid. She took a deep breath and began to walk to the rest of the group.

“Babies or big guy?” Max asked

“Babies” Athena stated.

“How could he have babies?” Seph asked as she waited for Athena to catch up.

“I have a theory but it’s kind of gross” Kat responded.

Suddenly the water behind them exploded as a large tentacle shot towards Athena. The others ran to her side.

“I’m done with this” Athena remarked before she spun around, sword in hand. Her markings glowing brightly from her skin. The blue light grew brighter as she slices the tip of the tentacle off with her sword before it could grab her. The arm fell into the water writhing in pain. Athena held it down with her foot and stabbed her sword through the middle the anchor it down to the ground.

“Why did you call me here? Just to attack my people?” she bellowed as she reached down and grabbed the writhing arm pulling the creature on the other end to her.

“Why did you have to make this so difficult!” She grunted as she pulled.

Slowly out of the water a creature surfaced, approaching her. The others stopped just behind Athena as she stood to greet it. Nessa noted how the arm that had been pulling them was actually a tail. Max remarked how it reminded her of a large salamander she saw once on an island in the east. Kat was mesmerized by how it’s skin was a marbled black and green color that shimmered as if it was covered in slime.

“It’s defiantly grown” Seph states as it loomed over them. It’s head almost touching the top of the cavern.

“Nope” Athena shook her head. “this is not how we are talking.” She stated. “Get down here”

The creature barred its sharp teeth at her but she twisted her sword in its tail and it obeyed.

Lowering itself down to almost the waters level which was at Athena’s mid thigh.

The creature grumbled and growled as if speaking to Athena.

Her head was bent down as if she was listening. She shook it a few times while the creature went on. The creature swayed its head back and forth motioning to the others behind her. After a few minutes of this Athena held up her hands and the creature stopped “talking”

Athena turned to her side never fully exposing her back to the creature.

“ you should all wait for me above at the entrance” she instructs the other.

“The monster that tried to kill us wants privacy?” Kat asks immediately.

“We can’t understand him” Max points out

Athena gives them a little shrug to show that she didn’t care. “Go” she says quickly.

The four women walk out of the water single file without further questions. One by one they are exposed to the night air to wait while their master conversed with the creature.

[writingsandsuch]

Unrequited Love

"...All those years in isolation helped me want for you Lead me to a place I'm free from all the wrongs I do In return, I'll live forever loving you..."

-- FKA Twigs, "Closer" ______________________________________________

Story I'll never finish #3 -- In which a girl falls in love with a loveless boy. (Inspired by Robert Pattinson's character in the movie "Remember Me") 4/1/17 --12:35AM

The first moment I laid my eyes on him, I knew I would love him forever.

The scene had unfolded before me, as though it was solely meant to capture in my curious and wandering gaze. There was something so intimate about it, something so divine and personal, and I had found myself soulfully releasing a breath I didn't know I was holding in.

Even now, that moment had seemed to stretch on forever. To onlookers, it might've just been one second, just a fragment in time, a distant flicker of a memory. But to me, I could remember everything, every single detail. The way the early morning dust had wisped through the air, the hushed and scattered whispers swirling all throughout the quiet library.

He was fingering through the weathered and wise pages of the books, feeling along the ripples of the incessant life flourishing all around him. Stories of the impossibly possible characters beyond his wildest dreams, all between the crevices of the pages, in the infinite space between the lines. It was an eternal valley between reality and fantasy, infinitely stretching out before him, the grasses swaying in the cool breeze of the whispers of his dreams. And all of this was within reach. All he had to do was simply stretch his hand outward, and grab it.

His name is something which I had known long before this encounter, though. It was something which was hushed between the corridors of the dorm halls, swirling around in the late night air. It was giggled, moaned, yelled. Robert Pattinson, they'd say, and there was something so urgent about it, something that immediately had to be seen, touched, felt, and to me, known.

And so when I'd seen him, the notorious Robert Pattinson, in such a natural setting, I hadn't known what to do. I hadn't known what to say, how to move, what to even think. I hadn't known much, but I did know that I had to know more. I had to know who he was. And not know in the sense that I can occasionally exchange smiles if I bump into him on the street, or be able to casually text him asking what the homework was. I had wanted to know how his eyes flickered across the inked words printed onto the yellowing pages. I wanted to know names of the constellations of freckles sprawled across the expanse of his back. But all I had known was that I wanted to know. And that was simply not enough.

He was an unknown mystery, a labyrinth of an impossible maze that had no beginning and no end. He was always preoccupied with something else, whether it was a small book with big words or shamelessly flirting with the sorority girls for yet another one of his famously known one night stands.

There was something so enticing about him, something that gave you the impression that he would always know more than you did, and always care less than you did as well. A single strand of his wild dark brown waves had always fallen over his stormy green eyes. If it wasn't a Charles Bukowski book, it was a cigarette that was always curled in between his fingers, and I'd find myself staring at the way he slowly dragged in the smoke, his defined cheekbones slightly caving in. He never smiled, only smirked in a knowing way, his lips half curling up in a sly, enamoring motion. It seemed to understand you better than you could ever understand yourself. It had given off an impression of you that you could only ever hope to convey.

But as I look at him now, it all seems so different. There were so many things about him which I still did not know, things about him I don't even think he understood himself. He was a series of restless attempts to do so, a cigarette in his mouth and shaky fingers desperately grasping pen to paper as a main mechanism. I had made the mistake of trying to understand him myself.

I had always found myself out of breath around him, even now, my chest could not seem to rise and fall as steadily as his did beside mine. I had taken a moment to listen to it, to the somnambulate notes rising and falling in a restless rhythmic motion.

The moonlight had carefully spilled itself across the room in sleek, slow moving lines. He was waiting for me, waiting for me to speak. And I had known of this all too well. But the very thought of it, of mustering up what I wanted to say had always been a problem for me around him, ever since the beginning.

I still remember the first time I had encountered him. I can still remember the loud, obnoxious music blaring itself overhead, and the swirls of the smoke soaring through the cramped, dusty air. It was my first real college party, which surprisingly hadn't ended up being a complete shock to him when I had voiced this.

"Believe it or not--" he had slurred, his glossy eyes lazily looking down at me. He was taller than me by at least two inches, and his unruly mess of hair had probably added at least an inch more to that. He was always running his hands through it, and even then I had found myself desperately wanting to do the same.

"--I've heard that line way more often than you'd think"

"It's not a line"

"Mm," he laughed, placing a cigarette at the edge of his lips so that it slightly hung, "Heard that one too"

I hadn't even meant to bump into him, let alone even see him at the party that my roommate had invited me to, forcing me as her designated driver, only 20 minutes prior. People from all over the campus had flooded into the fraternity house, hanging on walls, making out in corridors, the true air of pure youth thick in the late hours of the night.

All I had wanted was to grab myself some Sprite from the kitchen, which was much harder than it sounds. Me, being an absolute amateur at this, hadn't known that the number one way to get drinks spilled on you is to go to the kitchen by cutting through the main crowd, rather than navigating around. But before I was able to realize my mistake, it was already too late, and I had felt a hard chest slam against the front of mine.

Everything had happened in one, brisk motion, and before I knew it I was barely being held up from falling by the notorious Robert Pattinson's arm.

"I'm sorry," I said, once again rising to my feet, "I've never been to a college party before," I continued, trying my hardest not to focus on the heavenly smell of cider and mint that floated around him, and the way his deep brown wisps of hair slightly stuck to the perspiration on his forehead. He had looked at me for a few moments, his eyes running over every inch of my face. And there it was, the striking colors that shot across the cloudy sky after a storm, the very promise of life after death, a calamity of all things good and happy. His laugh.

And just as a smile had begun to erupt from my face, just as I had thought, I can finally get to know him, with the lazy giggle that escaped his beer ridden breath, I had realized he was completely and utterly wasted.

I had began to explain that it really was my first college party, and I wasn't saying it just to seem innocent, but with one look at his lazy smile and half opened glare, I deemed it futile. But quickly, I had found myself growing nervous, stuttering to keep the conversation going as I noticed him losing interest. But it was too late.

I had seen it. The look that, even now, had caused a deep, visceral sensation of pure defeat to wash over me. It was the drive, the light, the sparkle of interest that tingled and chimed and sung sweet melodies in the midnight air. It would flicker, dance, shine in the irises of his eyes, for a fleeting moment. And then it was gone.

And so he breathed a long sigh, placing another drag of his cigarette to his lips as he began to turn away. And there it was, the longing to be better, the need to once again be given the privilege of being of his interest, of being held in his gaze and the very focus of his world. And so it had began.

It was the beginning of the end, The very start of the insecure mess I'd become as I fell deeper and deeper into the abyss, screaming and thrashing and crying desperately for help. But it was no use. One look at his slow, sly smile and the feeling of his calloused hands running over the hairs on my arm, and I'd sink into him, all my soul within me burning. I would do anything for him, if so he asked.

And so now here we were. The low buzz of the ceiling fan above had slightly distracted me from the thick silence of the hot summer night sticking against my skin. It smothered us, the vast moistness of the air finding its way into the corners of my lungs. He still had not replied.

"Rob" I said.

His lungs had collapsed into themselves before once again filling up with the untold secrets of the midnight air. His eyes looked so tired, like half moons that light up the deep blue infinity, never, even for a moment, stopping from emitting its soft, calm glow. They collapsed and refilled, over and over again, an incessant cycle of death and rebirth and death and rebirth, the falling away of leaves and the budding of flowers, twirling and swaying in the splashes of sunlight on a warm spring day.

And something about him had changed over the course of the past few months. The very spark of complete interest, the way he would wholeheartedly throw himself into every single thing, give it every last ounce of who he was, never, even once, even thinking to half ass anything. But it was gone, and now, he was so tired, so defeated, the very promise of youth and of life and of the world in the palm of his hands, melting and seeping through his tired fingers.

His skin was pale in the dark moonlight, his tears glistening, catching the light of the burning stars before running down the edges of his face.

"Rob," I repeated, growing increasingly desperate as he yet again refrained from responding.

The bedsheets surrounded us, tangling in between our limbs and weaving through the spaces between our hands. I was running my fingers through the rolling valleys and hills of the expanse of his hair, fingering each strand though my greedy hands. He was kissing the pads of my fingers, his tears running down the engraved lines on the inside of my hands.

"I love you" I said again, much quieter than the first time.

But he had just stared up at me through his long eyelashes with his pitiful hazy gaze.

And now I had felt it, the deep sinking feeling as I reached, reached, reached closer to him as he pulled further away. He was slipping right through the cracks of my fingers and all I could do was pitifully watch and hope he might somehow return to me.

I still remember that cold winter afternoon when he had came to sit with me at the library. Our warm bodies held each other close, our fingers entangled with one another, souls wide open letting out the secrets of the earth and the laughter of the flowers. He had run his hands up and down the hills of my body, kissing the inside of my earlobe.

"You're the girl from the party," he recalled, an amused glint in his eyes, "The one who allegedly had never been to one, if I remember correctly." His voice was smooth and inviting in the quiet library, and every so often, I could feel the burning gaze of onlookers as his face neared mine.

If there was one thing he knew, it was how to make himself comfortable. He had slung his arm around my shoulder, shooting me that sly smile he always seem to have, as if he had known divine things, celestial things that only I could pray of knowing. My heart had started to race right within my chest, my nervous gaze meeting his.

"Why are you talking to me?" I honestly replied. For a guy like him, there was only one thing he ever wanted. But for a naive girl like me, with one look at his face, I would believe any damn thing that escaped his harshly bitten lips.

He wasn't taken aback by the question, in fact it had seemed to make his smile grow even wider as he amusedly stared down at me. He placed his hand on my knee.

"Because I like you" he said, slightly laughing at my seemingly absurd question. His eyes were running over every inch of my face, hands moving up and down my jean clad thighs.

He kissed my cheek, slowly and sweetly, pulling away to examine my face. He enjoyed the reaction he got out of me, enjoyed the way i writhed underneath his touch and stared at him in awe when he would speak. He had loved everything about it, loved my availability, my warmness, my kindness.

And I had mistaken this for love.

And so now, as I lay my head on his stomach, entangling my fingers with his, I can feel it.

I had more than half expected it when I had woken up to find him gone, cold air circling where he used to be.