#''he murders people because he believes in the religion of his people'' HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET TO THAT CONCLUSION

[fullmetal-scar-simping]

Seen a lot of bad takes and misinterpretations of Scar as a character across all major versions of the FMA series, and none betrays a greater failure in grasping his character, his narrative, and the journey he goes through than describing him as a "murderous religious fanatic."

Congratulations! You completely failed to grasp the most rudimentary beats of this character and instead went with a racist caricature instead! Flush your head into a toilet!

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

Hey I know this isn't on-topic for an Eridan blog but you're the best HS theorist I know <3 so do you happen to have any theories about WHY Gamzee faked god tier? I always see theories about how he could be a real god tier too, or about how he manages to be immortal even though he's not god tier, but I cannot find any discussion of WHY he bothered with that ruse in the first place!!! He didn't even fool anyone, unless we count Caliborn for like 2 secs before Hussie told him the truth, and all he got for his trouble was shot!

I think it's mostly a gag, but this is the Analyzing Homestuck blog, so: I think it's because Gamzee wants to look like an adult to impress Caliborn.

Gamzee's lusus is physically neglectful.

But you were never taught that on account of a lousy upbringing. Your custodian was always out to sea.

And several things stem from that neglect - the first, his indoctrination into the Clown Cult, the second, his extensive and all-encompassing drug usage, and the third, his poor social skills, which leave him ostracized by his teammates.

Let's first take a look at what, exactly, that religion entails:

You belong to a RATHER OBSCURE CULT, which foretells of a BAND OF ROWDY AND CAPRICIOUS MINSTRELS which will rise one day on a MYTHICAL PARADISE PLANET that does not exist yet. The beliefs of this cult are SOMEWHAT FROWNED UPON by those dwelling in more common lawnrings.

TC: I PeEpEd oN A PlAcE Of 6 tRiLlIoN HeMoS TC: AlL Up aT OnE RoCk, BlEeDiNg aS EqUaLs TC: It's eAsY To sEe iF YoU SeArCh aLl yOuR FeElInS TC: ThAt pEaCe hApPeNs fIrSt, AnD MuRdEr's tHe sEqUeL TC: It's tHe bEaUtY Of tHe cArNiVaL, tHe mAgIc's iN TeNtS

TC: all my life i believed at a fuckin paradise to come what held the most baller, darkest of carnivals to join. TC: AND A PROPHECY TC: to tell all about a band of rowdy and capricious minstrels steeped in the good harshwhimsy. TC: THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS WERE FORETOLD TO BE CRASHING THAT FUCKING PIE STAND AND BRING THE HOLY RUCKUS. TC: like a giddy fuckin ninja one wheeling head long at the hugest fuckin horn heap shangri la's got to see. TC: I'M TALKING ABOUT THE VAST HONK, YOU BLASPHEMOUS MOTHERFUCKER. TC: what i believed in it to be was so beautiful, us and them all mellowing in tents, bumpin sounds, tossing back the faygo and soaking the miracles up our faith sponges, while the special stardust rained down at our elixir sticky faces, like a bunch a fuckin fairy powder from religion space. TC: IT WAS GOING TO BE US AND MOTHER FUCKING THEM. TC: them and mother fuckin us. :o(

In essence: Gamzee's cult believes that there will be a Vast Honk, which will kill all trolls; however, "a band of rowdy and capricious minstrels" will usher in/create a new paradaisical planet of nothing but good vibes and chill times, where the "mirthful messiahs" will get to enjoy eternity.

There's pretty clear parallels here to the Christian concept of the Rapture, which fits in with the Garden of Eden/Original Sin themes of the Dancestors and the Second Coming thing Karkat's got going on. But, more importantly, it's also pretty directly just... what SGRUB/SBURB are all about. Their original population all dies, but a bunch of kids band together to create a new universe, with new planets, where theoretically live out the rest of their godhood in peace and happiness.

Were it not for the casteist influences as a result of being a cult largely followed by highbloods, there'd pretty much be nothing inherently objectionable about Gamzee's belief system - it's fundamentally hopeful, and, in fact, when he raps about it to Tavros, part of it is outright about "equalizing" the hemocaste (they all bleed as equals, see). Tavros agrees:

AT: tHE SLAMS WERE TRULY PRIME, aND, AT: yOUR RELIGIOUS VIEWS, tHOUGH i DON'T SHARE THEM, aRE, AT: rEASONABLY INSPIRATIONAL, AT: i THINK i'M IN THE PROCESS OF RELEASING AT LEAST ONE TEAR,

Next, we'll look at the sopor usage and ostracization together, because I think they're interlinked. People on Gamzee's team are friggin' mean to him.

CG: MIRACLES ARE LIKE POOP STAINS ON GOD'S UNDERWEAR. TA: eheheh makiing fun of people2 reliigiion2 i2 the be2t thiing two do.

GC: NO TH4T SHOULD BOTH3R YOU, TH4T R34SON GC: WHY DONT TH1NGS L1K3 TH4T BOTH3R YOU?? GC: NO WOND3R V4NT4S C4NT ST4ND YOU

CT: D --> What you do appear to know is e%actly how to ma%imize my livid contempt for you CT: D --> With your revolting language and your sense of decorum CT: D --> At such breathtaking odds with the richness and perfe%ion of your b100d CT: D --> I just hate you so much

CA: that is the wworst fuckin advvice CA: wwhat an awwful thing a you to say CA: MAGIC ISNT REAL STUPID STOP BELIEVVIN IN IT

On the whole, the team treats him as the party joke, if not outright worthy of derision. The one person on his team who IS nice to him, Tavros, ghosts him after Gamzee is too forward and asks to make out with him. He's deeply lonely, and what's more, his introductory narration is littered with pessimism.

You'll be doing one thing then something else hits you just like that and you roll with it. That's what you do when life hands you lemons. You sure as fuck don't make lemonade because who the fuck knows where that fuckin' shit comes from?

Someone is bugging you. This is exciting. You're always down for shooting the wicked shit with anyone that who'll put up with you.

That last one makes it clear that Gamzee is also aware of how much people on the team don't like him.

I'm also of the opinion that "Soft Gamzee" was always fake and never existed, which is outright stated by Hussie from the book:

The best explanation for why Gamzee says he's scared of Vriska, in my opinion, is this: he's flat-put lying. It's a good way for him to maintain his cover as 'Soft Gamzee.' It also provides some ammunition for those who, against all sense of good taste and judgment, want to continue to believe and assert that Gamzee is a decent guy with sensitive emotions and vulnerabilities before he undergoes his Muderstuck awakening. He was none of those things, ever.

But there's evidence for this - Gamzee has actually always been kind of casteist:

AT: i THINK i'M IN THE PROCESS OF RELEASING AT LEAST ONE TEAR, TC: Me tOo, BrO, yOu mOtHeR FuCkIn kNoW ThErE Be sOmE Of mY EyE's RoYaL JeLlY To gO WiTh yOuR EmOtIoNaL pEaNuT BuTtEr. AT: wHOA, aHA, hA,

He's trying to be affectionately so here, but given Tavros's "whoa, haha," reaction, it seems like it's still a pretty out-of-pocket thing to say. Especially in light of GamRezi, it's pretty easy to read him as making passive-aggressive digs to Terezi here:

TC: I'm OuTsIdE kEePiNg An EyE oUt HeRe FoR tHe OlD gOaT. TC: yOu KnOw HoW iT iS wItH fAmIlY. GC: NO, NOT R34LLY! GC: 4DURRRR DURR DURP TC: Oh YeAh...

TC: hAvE yOu EvEr EvEn SeEn ThE oCeAn? TC: oR i MeAn SmElLeD iT... TC: SoRrY. GC: >:[

His reaction to Eridan is also "indulge emotional theatrics," but depending on whether you believe Eridan killed his lusus, it's debatably justified. I'm just going to mention that that's also there.

His constant assertion that Karkat is his best friend, which isn't reciprocated until after murderstuck, also kind of reads as a palecrush to me. This is supported by the fact that Nepeta has always had pale GamKat on her shipping wall - which I believe is more representative of how people feel and what they want than whether a romantic pairing is viable, as part of her Heart (and NOT Blood) powers.

He won't stop referring to Karkat as his best friend, really awkwardly changes the topic when the conversation has led to him having to acknowledge that Karkat is closer to Sollux (whom Karkat calls his best friend):

TC: yEaH mAyBe BuT hE's YoUr BeSt FrIeNd ThOuGh So It'S aLl CoOl. TC: AnYwAy I tHoUgHt ThIs SoUnDeD lIkE a PrEtTy BiG mOtHeRfUcKiN dEaL mY mAn. TC: aAaUuUhHh... CG: WHAT. TC: Aw BrO nEvErMiNd, I jUsT fUcKiN dId LiKe To ScArE tHe ShIt OuTtA mYsElF hErE. TC: tHeSe DaMn HoRnS.

(Sidebar about the usage of "best friend," Karkat pretty much outright says he's unreliable when it comes to who his best friend is at any given moment LOL - he spends pre-murderstuck insisting Sollux is HIS best friend. King of mixed signals.)

EB: who is gamzee? CG: HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND. EB: really? i thought terezi was your best friend. ... CG: GAMZEE WAS MY VERY GOOD FRIEND, WHO WAS THIS GOOFY LOVEABLE BULLSHIT CLOWN UNTIL HE WENT PSYCHO AND KILLED SOME PEOPLE. I LIKED HIM A LOT. CG: I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS MY BEST FRIEND IS REALLY JUST THE GUY WHO I HAPPEN TO BE FEELING MOST SENTIMENTAL TO AT THE MOMENT, IS THAT A FUCKING CRIME.

If we take Hussie's statement that Gamzee lied when he chased Vriska (whom he doesn't like) away from his horn pile -

GAMZEE: VrIsKa hEy yOu wAnT To uH… VRISKA: What? GAMZEE: ShIt, I WaS AlL GoInG To aSk iF YoU WaNtEd tO HoP In tHe hOrN PiLe fOr a bIt oF MoThErFuCkIn sHuTeYe, BuT… GAMZEE: I DoN'T ThInK I WiLl cAuSe i'm pReTtY MuCh sCaReD Of yOu, SoyEaH. VRISKA: Aww. ::::)

Then it stands to reason he's also lying about being scared of Jack so he can prevent Eridan from providing Karkat with emotional support:

CA: this is a lot a pointless fuckin rubbish and isnt no emotional help to him or me either for that matter CA: put kar on TC: UuUuH, i cAn't rEaLlY ThInK AbOuT InTeRvEnInG, tHe bLaCk fRoWnInG MoThErFuCkEr kInDa sCaReS Me

So, personally, signs point to Gamzee always having been a lot shiftier and meaner than he let on.

Naturally, that begs the question of why he's pretending to be nicer and higher than he actually is (not that he isn't high, but he's definitely more cognizant of what's going on than people both in- and out-of-universe give him credit for). Well, the answer to that is pretty simple: it's because he loves his friends and wants to get along with them.

You like to chat a lot with your pal Karkat, who is usually pretty cranky, but he is your BEST FRIEND. You have a lot of OTHER GREAT FRIENDS who you also like a lot.

Gamzee's story pre-murderstuck is a pretty tragic one about a kid who never got to learn proper socialization and has whacked-out religious beliefs, whose neglect from his lusus has left him with deep loneliness, who desperately wants to fit in with his friends, especially the lowbloods, and therefore feels the need to hide how pessimistic and angry he actually is under the guise of drug usage and not retaliating against the constant digs they make at him.

I also feel like I have to specify that Gamzee was already a pretty angry, mean, troubled kid prior to Murderstuck, because it helps to clarify his actions after being influenced by Lil' Cal. The nonlinear nature of the story kind of confuses the sequence of events, but it seems to be as follows:

Dave blasphemes against Gamzee's religion so hard that Gamzee has a total crisis of faith.

Gamzee has a breakdown and gets so pissed off that he oopsie-daisy'd a jester puppet into John's room on Prospit.

Gamzee, with his faith lost ("and now i don't know what to think about the spiritual fantasies i had"), Tavros dead, and thus in a very emotionally fragile state, is contacted by Doc Scratch and given instructions (likely to kill his friends and paint his wicked pictures in their blood). At some point during this, he falls under Lil' Cal's influence, too. As every person we've seen under LE's sway has very compelling, natural reasons for acting the way they do, I think it's better to see Lil' Cal's influence as influence and not mind control. It brings out the worst in its victims, but only what was already there.

This seems to give Gamzee a new belief system to replace/supplement the old.

TC: i've been kicking the wicked ignorance on this shit. TC: BEEN MOTHERFUCKIN SLAUGHTERING THE WICKED IGNORANCE, BRO. TC: all up in lifelong denial about my calling. TC: AS A DESCENDANT OF THE HIGH MOTHERFUCKIN SUBJUGGLATORS. TC: we are higher than you, brother. TC: WE ARE HIGHER THAN MOTHERFUCKIN EVERYBODY. TC: honk. CG: GAMZEE CG: PLEASE NO TC: and now i'm the last one, so i finally motherfuckin understand. TC: I FINALLY GOT MY MOTHERFUCKING UNDERSTAND ON TO WHO THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS ARE. TC: they were always both me. :o) TC: AND ALSO MOTHERFUCKING ME. Do:

Remember, his original belief system actually emphasized equalizing the castes - in death, anyway. It also never specified that the Mirthful Messiahs would be specifically highbloods. The hint that Gamzee had internalized casteism was always there, but now that his belief system has been supplanted by this new one, delivered by Doc Scratch (the story's Devil figure), his casteism becomes full-blown:

GAMZEE: heheh. GAMZEE: CHECK IT THE MOTHERFUCK OUT. GAMZEE: it's the peasantblood. GAMZEE: HEH HEH. GAMZEE: fuckin heh. EQUIUS: D --> Peasantb100d EQUIUS: D --> Is that a joke GAMZEE: if your blood. GAMZEE: IS A RUNNING MOTHERFUCKING GAG. GAMZEE: then soon. GAMZEE: IT WILL BE RUNNING. GAMZEE: through my motherfucking fingers.

TC: shit was motherfuckin poison, didn't you know? CG: UH... CG: NO? I MEAN, I WOULD NEVER EAT IT, BUT TC: THEN GET MOTHERFUCKIN SCHOOLFED ALL ABOUT THE WICKED NEWS, PUNCHLINE BLOODED MOTHERFUCKER.

Basically, the religious boy had a crisis of faith and was tempted by the Devil into becoming his servant - into desiring utter oblivion for everyone except his own continued existence within the one doing the destroying, rather than a paradise of love, friendship, and hope. And this new faith is what carries Gamzee through to the end of the comic:

KARKAT: HE STARTED GETTING SO UNBELIEVABLY SELF SATISFIED AND PIOUS, LIKE WAY MORE THAN HE EVER WAS BEFORE. KARKAT: LIKE HE'S JUST SO COMPLETELY CONVINCED HE'S FOUND HIS CALLING, THAT THIS SESSION IS THE GATEWAY TO THE PROMISED LAND WHERE HE'LL FULFILL HIS DESTINY. KARKAT: HE'S SO CAUGHT UP IN HIS IDIOTIC SCHEMES HE COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME ANYMORE. KARKAT: WHATEVER. AT LEAST HE STOPPED KILLING PEOPLE.

So where does that bring us WRT the fake god-tier ensemble? Well, god-tiering in general is kind of a metaphor for becoming an adult - SGRUB/SBURB sets out for its player a quest directly tied into their maturation into adults, and god-tiering is (normally) supposed to sit right at the end of that questline, a semi-permanent state achieved at the end of adolescence. Characters who DO manage to god-tier without having naturally reached that point in their questline, especially Vriska, Dave, and Rose, have struggles that deal directly with "growing up too fast" - Vriska with the expectation that she be a vicious murderer, Dave with having never addressed his trauma and abuse, and Rose with having missed out on a loving relationship with her mother because she insisted on being more mature than her.

Gamzee's relationship to Caliborn is that of a parent:

ARANEA: It is just as well that cheru8 parents a8andon their offspring. Raising such a child 8y the familial standards of any race would 8e a monumental challenge. ARANEA: Nevertheless, it would seem there were those who tried. ARANEA: Details in my research suggest our villain had a num8er of acolytes oper8ting in the shadows, preparing for his arrival.

Kurloz also directly states that Gamzee's role in their religion is to serve and mentor their young lord:

KURLOZ: I COME BEARING THEE FINAL JOLLY ACCOUTREMENT MY FAITHFUL INVERTEBROTHER KURLOZ: THY BARDLY REGALIA IS DONE AND FUCKING DUSTED BY THE SPECIAL STARS THEMSELVES KURLOZ: ON THIS DAY THE DARK CARNIVAL REJOICED AND SAID IT WAS MONEY KURLOZ: NOW BRING TO LIFE OUR WICKED RUSE WITH APLOMB MY NINJA KURLOZ: OUR LORD AWAITS YOUR SERVITUDE AND TUTELAGE AT ONCE

And even beyond the religion aspect, Gamzee would take this job mother fucking seriously...

... Because his own parent failed him. See, we tie it all back to the beginning! Gamzee putting together a shitty fake god tier outfit is because he wants to be a good parent to Caliborn, an adult figure he never had in his own life, and god tiering is symbolic of that. And I think the saddest part is, he still didn't really manage to do that... because, perpetuating the neglect he faced from his own lusus, he wound up locking the two in a room and leaving them alone - possibly out of exasperation.

ARANEA: We will pro8a8ly never know who these scurrilous conspir8tors were. 8ut it is evident that at some point the cheru8 was locked in a room, either out of exasper8tion, or for its own good, until it was old enough to enter the session.

Like, I feel kind of bad for Gamzee, y'know? Especially since, alongside Eridan, he's one of the trolls the fandom seems to understand the least, and his story is also one of being failed by his family, society, and friends. This winds up turning him towards the worst parts of himself - the religious fundamentalism, the casteism, the emotional isolation - and away from the good - the fact that he loved his mother fucking friends, enough to wish upon them eternal paradise.

[brucewaynehater101]

How the Bats argue against Jason's murder in fics

Now, Jason's murders vary in fics on a spectrum. There's murderous killing even common goons up to only those folks who are repeat, violent offenders that are not able to be contained/do their time (whether due to a corrupt system or them escaping).

We are gonna chat about the second one [in simple terms, Jason being particular and only killing the really evil bastards].

Side note, this is neither arguing for or against Jason's methods. This addresses how Jason may relinquish killing in fics in a more realistic manner than simply because he was told to or he wants to make amends

I've seen the Bats arguing shit like:

"Murder is wrong"

"This is not how we operate"

"We are not judge, jury, and executioner"

"This makes you a villain/evil/a murderer"

These arguments, frankly, are shit. This should not convince Jason to stop. Red Hood is killing from a logical-based moral standpoint (by neutralizing the threat permanently, he is saving inevitable future victims). Jason believes his option is frowned upon, but ultimately the right path. It's a "I'm doing what's necessary even if it damns me" mindset.

Arguing it's wrong will simply make him scoff or laugh. He knows the Bats don't like it, and he know they find it morally reprehensible. He still finds his actions to be necessary.

Jason isn't a child that needs to be told "right" and "wrong." He simply has a different moral code. Instead, these arguments in a fic serve as a reflection on the Bat that makes those statements.

This is not a diss to anyone's religion, but a similar comparison is to folks who base their moral code on holy texts and then try to tell other people what's "right" or "wrong" based on what their scripture says. If the other person doesn't have the same religion, you simply can not make moral arguments based on texts they don't believe in... Cause that writing has no weight to them. You would need to argue why something is "wrong" without resorting to: because [] says so.

By only declaring it as wrong, all that Bat is doing is showcasing their inability to communicate/be morally flexible. They are showing an unwillingness to acknowledge Jason's points or try to engage in counterpoints to convince him. These arguments usually predate the Bats trying to force Jason to stop killing instead of allowing him to make the choice for himself.

That is a perfectly fantastic fic idea to explore, but this wouldn't persuade Jason to change his ways. In fact, it may make him dig his heels into his methods more.

For arguments to sway Jason's opinion on how to pursue justice:

There is no oversight for Jason's murders

Cops enforce with killing (regardless of how you feel about the truth of this statement, Jason would hate this comparison)

Killing takes away chances for reformation

The threat of death causes false confessions/fear-based responses

Unclear standards on killing leads to innocents fearing Red Hood and not feeling safe

Escalation can occur (especially in fucking Gotham) when people feel their lives are threatened

Killing takes a mental strain and is thus harmful to Jason

Death is permanent and they can't suffer

There is no remedy for human error if they are dead

I'm sure there's more, but these are starting points to stop Jason's murders or ween him off of it [such as requiring Babs or Tim or Dick or Steph or the Outlaws or fucking Alfred to double check Jason's work before the execution].

Once again, I am not claiming any of these reasons are "correct" or that Jason's way is "incorrect." This is how a certain dynamic may be influenced by various conversation paths

[eldritch-nightmare]

Liu and sully dating headcanond please 🥺👉👈

thank u anon i'm giving u a lil fist bump for sending this in <3 it might b a little short. just a tad. i hope u enjoy it nonetheless. <33 i was going to make a separate poly section but like. then i didn't. anyways i wrote this in one sitting. uhhh requests are opened also btw if anyone wants to send smth in <3

warnings: me being silly and deranged over liu and sully, mentions of guns, mentions of fire, mentions of religion, blasphemy???, blood, mentions of cannibalism, mentions of murder, i swear it's not dark sully is just. sully.

Liu.

dating?????? he knows nothing about it. no experience at all. a few crushes here and there when he was younger but... his priorities have been more-so dedicated to trying to kill his brother than being the next bachelor.

he probably doesn't even realize when he's developed feelings for someone, if we're being honest. there are only like... three sure-fire ways for him to realize he's got feelings for someone.

option a) sully. this is the most likely way, because sully is a solid(ly aggressive) wingman and would get fuckin annoyed seeing liu oblivious to his own feelings and would probably leave a note for liu to find that says something along the lines of 'ask them out before i do it for you'. that's certainly one way to make the man confront his feelings.

option b) you approach him first. be honest with your feelings, he's a really good listener. tell him how you want to go out on a date with him, or that you want him to be your boyfriend, whatever, it'll hit him in the face.

option c) patience. he'll figure it out one day on his own, just... it'll take time. and a lot of it.

anyways, using one of these three options laid out for you, you're sure to score a boyfriend! i hope you're not scared of fire. or guns. or... religion. those three things are pretty much a big part of him as a person, so.

but no yeah he's head over heels in love with you btw. the man would gift you the heavens itself if he could, but all he can give you are cute little trinkets that remind him of you.

he's so fucking romantic and he doesn't even try like. trust me. trust me on this guys please please you gotta believe me when i say this dude okay just like. trust me please.

he looks at you like you hung the stars in the sky. he'd probably be admiring you, resting his head on your lap while you play with his hair, your attention so focused on the show or movie playing. it's such a simple moment, but it's the one that makes him realize that he's in deep. like... wow. he's so in love with you.

he's a little hesitant to admit it, but you've become home. not because he hates it or anything like that, god, not at all. he's just... the last home he had was mercilessly ripped away from him. so pardon him for being a little scared. but you make him feel safe, and that's not something he's been able to feel in a long, long time.

liu doesn't murder without a reason. he actively avoids murdering people if he can. but he'd kill for you. whether or not that's something he's ready or willing to admit yet is up for debate but he would murder someone for you without any ounce of hesitation.

he's so willing to go out on dates w you btw. if you want to take a walk in the park, go see a movie, or whatever people do on dates then go ahead. he's legally dead in the eyes of the law. got a grave and everything, so he's not worried about being seen in public.

under the assumption that you know nothing about who he is, or his past, he's never going to tell you. all you'll ever know is that his parents were brutally murdered, he has a little brother that you... you think his brother is dead?? he talks about him as though he's dead. he almost died the same night his parents died, and his house burnt to the ground after. he's... really vague when he talks about his past. you'll never know the full extent, not unless the truth is forced upon you.

god i have so much more i want to add but i dont want this to get too long okay just. he's so in love with you. you've brought light back into his life, and he'll do everything in his power to keep you safe. he cannot lose you. yes we will ignore the thoughts i have of how he'd react if you did die lol. for now.

anyways he's the perfect boyfriend honestly <3

Sully.

also has no dating experience but he's not oblivious to his own feelings. the moment he decides that he cares about you a little more than he typically cares for another person, he's telling you.

he's so casual about it too, like. sir. how can you say 'yeah i think i could fall in love with you' with such a straight face?? you ask him that and he just shrugs.

i really hope you're comfortable with the sight of blood because trust the moment the two of you become an official couple, he's showing up at your place with injuries. nothing too bad, he'd hate to scare you like that, but just little things. like a gash of a knife on the palm of his hand. he has a really high pain tolerance but he'll act like the pain is utterly unbearable if it means having you help him treat it and kiss it better.

it's not like he actually needs you to take care of him. but he likes watching you. he likes watching the way you focus, carefully tending to his wounds, scared that you'll hurt him more if you're not careful. he likes watching the way his blood smears on your skin (totally by accident and not at all on purpose).

definitely the type to bite your lip just a little too hard when kissing you just so he can taste your blood. he thinks it's romantic idk the guy is kind of a freak (affectionately)

he'd probably eat you if he could but then he'd miss you too much so :( no cannibalism. but he thinks cannibalism is romantic guys. feel like i need to state that. he says 'i would eat you' but in a loving, romantic, affectionate way.

he never really understood religion, nor did he care much for it. he understood that it was a big part of liu's life, and therefore something he encounters often, but it wasn't until he started dating you that he understood. there must be some god or deity out there because heaven is wherever you're at.

you must be an angel, because how else could you love someone like him? he'd never pray to god, but god, he could pray to you all day.

and fuck, he thinks about corrupting you, dragging an angel like you down to his hell.

he can picture it now, tears streaming down your face, shaking in fear as you kill someone for the first time. their blood staining your hands and clothes as you drop the knife, horrified by what you've done while sully pulls you into a hug and tells you that you did such a good job.

i've already said this but sully likes watching you. you could be doing nothing at all, or someone could be talking to him. doesn't matter. the moment you're in the same room as him, he's staring at you.

you don't know why he does it, and he never gives you an answer when you ask. he just smiles.

you'd never think this, but sully is scared of you dying. people are so fragile, it doesn't take much to kill them. he's... he's never been scared before, and it... excites him. of course you're the one to make him feel this way. it could never be anyone else. anyways don't die. he'll be sad if you do.

was actually shocked when it clicked that he loved you. like... yeah, he said he could fall in love with you but. fucking wow it actually happened. holy shit.

anyways he tells you like .5 seconds after. he adapts to his emotions very quickly. the guy just casually says, 'hey, i'm in love with you.' and just stares until you respond with 'i'm in love with you too' and then he just has this small smile on his face for like... the rest of the day.

would also murder for you btw. no hesitation, no questions asked. if you want someone dead, he's killing them for you. clearly, they deserve to be dead if you hated them enough to wish for it.

solid boyfriend material but only if you're okay with. him. as a person.

[crimeronan]

hey kitkat, if its not too much trouble, could you make a propaganda post for the silt verses? I've been seeing you talk about it a lot (i have spoilers marked dw) but im afraid to look up anything about it. is it horror? all i know about it is val <- horrible woman(?) so im intrigued. was wondering if it'd be possible for a silt verses post a la that trc post you made a while back

OH, ABSOLUTELY. i think about 95% of my followers have no idea what this media is about, so this ask is very exciting. i'll preface it by saying that i think it's edged out the dreamer trilogy for my favorite story Ever -- it's exactly on par with the first two books in terms of Reading My Heart Off The Page.

the premise:

the silt verses is a now-complete horror-tragedy narrative podcast set in a fantasy world that has many parallels to our own. this fantasy world is embroiled in late-stage corporate capitalism and is ravaged by the effects of colonialism, war, and oppression.

in this world, gods are created through sacrifice and belief. there are thousands of them, with thousands of individual religions.

the problem is that gods must be fed through human sacrifice. and if they aren't fed, they die.

and people are very invested in keeping their gods alive.

sacrifice is considered a necessary part of society, something that's as essential as breathing. the idea of simply not making sacrifices is considered a violent, radical, leftist anarchist position that is simply unsustainable. or so the state would have you believe!

but. SOME gods have been outlawed, and worshiping them WILL get you killed by the government.

the state says that it's because these gods are uniquely evil, and too dangerous or sadistic or wild to be fed.

in actuality, gods are outlawed when they don't serve the state or corporations' purposes. the question at the heart of the worldbuilding is always, "is Anything you've been told about the gods and the magic true? how much of this world is socially constructed? who benefits from the way things are?"

Metaphors Abound.

-

the cast:

the first season follows four key narrators; the second season introduces a fifth; the third a sixth.

-

carpenter - sister carpenter is an older woman who was born into an outlawed river-worshiping faith. she has seen her entire family murdered by the state, including her brother, parents, and grandmother. she briefly left the faith but returned to the parish because she had nowhere else to go; her relationship with her river and her church is complicated at best.

carpenter begins the series as a """devout""" disciple of the river parish. in actuality, her faith has been slipping for a Long Time. she's no longer certain that she loves this god she's been killing for for her entire life.

she begins the series investigating some unexplained "miracles," aka Deeply Fucking Horrific Murders, that appear to have been done by her god.

alongside her is brother faulkner.

-

faulkner - faulkner is a kid, somewhere around 19 or 20 years old when the story starts. he was NOT born into the river faith, but was instead called to it, back when he was still a rural farm boy living with his father and brothers. his first sacrifice was his brother, who he drowned on the farm. he later left home to find the parish.

faulkner has been with the parish for a pretty short period of time, but he truly IS a devout fanatic. because of this, he does not get along with carpenter. the two of them bicker a lot. carpenter thinks that faulkner is a stupid country bumpkin who's naive and full of starry-eyed optimism, and he annoys the piss out of her.

faulkner is not a dumb country bumpkin.

but he knows how he sounds and he knows how he looks. so he plays the part of the starry-eyed child with ease.

he is planning to kill carpenter.

he knows she's slipping, he knows she's losing her faith, and he wants her dead. he's been asked to keep an eye on her because the parish knows she's slipping, too.

uh oh!

-

hayward - investigating officer hayward is a police officer in the religious homicides division of the greater glottage police force. this police force has jurisdiction over outlawed gods. hayward's job is to find outlawed gods, arrest/kill their worshipers, and report them to the government.

he is the main antagonist of season one. crucially, he's a Good Cop - he's friendly, affable, funny and likable. he's kind of a dickhead bastard, but in the way that the protagonists of Cop Tv Shows (TM) often are. he offers to "help" the people he's arresting. he's good at playing the role of a good guy who just needs to uphold the status quo for the good of society.

but. he is, first and foremost, a cop. and the narrative has a Lot to say about cops. and about other people whose job is to Enforce The Law.

so. don't think that him being a Good Cop means that he's Actually a good guy or that he's not dangerous to the protagonists. Hoo Boy.

-

paige - paige duplass is a corporate boardroom executive who works for a marketing firm that creates gods. her job is to do all the marketing and branding for new corporate mascots. what does the god look like? how does the worship work? how are the sacrifices made?

but her company's profits are waning. and they need to return value to the shareholders.

so. they're going to kill their employees.

not paige, of course! she's a highly valued member of the team. she just has to keep everyone calm and be a kind, upbeat manager while the Layoffs approach. everything is fine, everyone. we aren't going to kill you :) don't worry :) just keep smiling :)

the horror of this gives her a crisis of conscience; after all the murder goes down, she leaves to go on a long drive.

which becomes longer still when she's taken hostage by carpenter and faulkner.

-

shrue - season two introduces shrue, a spineless liberal politician who runs on a """left-wing""" platform but really could not care less about anything except polling numbers. they're willing to do rotten, ugly propagandist things for their campaign -- including killing the river god. and all of its followers. for the good PR! :)

not great news for carpenter, faulkner, or their people.

but then shrue experiences Actual Violence up close for the first time. and it Shakes Them To Their Core.

and, well. suddenly they're not so comfortable being a spineless liberal politician anymore.

too bad they've locked themselves into their role and cannot fucking escape it!!

-

val - introduced in season three, VAL is the saint of a god of liars, purposefully created by the government for use as a weapon. she is the remnants of a woman who killed herself to serve her country. she does not remember who she is or what else she wanted, aside from her mother's approval.

as the saint of a god of liars, whatever VAL says becomes true..... as long as someone is there to listen. you're a loyal soldier? no, you died of a tumor as a child. you're a politician begging for mercy for the sake of your infant child? no, your baby has an insatiable taste for flesh and ate your sorry ass. etc

she's a monster and a sadist; she enjoys killing people to try to fill the emptiness in her. she is in terrible pain all the time and does not understand why. and she is becoming increasingly disillusioned and sick with herself, the government she serves, and the Utter Pointlessness of all this systemic violence.

but how do you break a cycle when you Are the cycle?? how do you get better?? how do you change anything??

much to consider.

-

overall, it's as close to a perfect story as it gets imo. literally every detail is carefully, painstakingly chosen to further the themes, arcs, characterization, etc. the plotting is suspenseful, the horror is Deeply Fucking Scary, the storylines are gutwrenching, the voice acting is spine-chilling, and the characters are So Fucking Compelling.

also, i get frustrated by representation-first fiction recs, but if you get this far and want to know: it's Deeply queer. faulkner, paige, and shrue are all trans (shrue is they/them, paige is a post-transition trans woman, faulkner is a trans guy who's recently started T). carpenter is aroace, there's casual representation and normalization of trans n gay people throughout the ensemble cast.

and more importantly, it's just. So Damn Good.

@valtsv @deermouth you two are the other main silt verses bloggers i know, so if you want a pitch for your followers.... here is this!

[thecapricunt1616]

thank you for speaking on jon bernthal's blatant zionism, the fact that he has people defending him for that is so nasty. not to mention his support of domestic abusers it's really crazy the amount of support and defending he still gets on this app

Oh my god hi!!! Don’t think I am ignoring you holy heck!! I’m not sure where my brain was on Monday if I’m honest I have 3 whole asks just sitting!!!

I agree. And let me be clear here (since some sick people equate loving and supporting the Jewish Community with also supporting Zionism) That I LOVE and support every ethnicity and religion! I love Jewish People. If you are Jewish OR Palestinian - know you are SAFE, and LOVED, and SUPPORTED on this blog.

Separating ART and the MUSE is very important. We can appreciate Mikey Bear, we can appreciate how touching and sad and gut wrenching his story is -

We can ALSO recognize that Jon B-🤢🤮 sorry I can’t even say his name. That he supports HORRIFIC people. That he supports the literal blatant murder and torture of children and other innocent human beings, and animals! Let’s not forget that even when this ends - all of the bombings have destroyed ecosystems and natural land.

Palestine will take so long to recover when this finally stops. I don’t care if people unfollow. I really from the bottom of my heart will not miss you in the slightest if you support ‘Israel’ (the land of make believe!).

Judaism all though I am not Jewish is such a beautiful religion and to its fucking core it condemns the behavior the IDF it is imposing on the Palestinian people’s. I truly identify with the morals that Judaism holds. But just like Catholic or literally any other religion ever!! There are evil people who claim to be that religion but it’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

If you support Zionism God isn’t proud of you. If you hurt any of gods children, he isn’t proud. And it doesn’t matter I think this, because when it comes time for their judgment day - their god will shake their head and tell them just how horrid they were.

All this to say to my core fuck zionists, and abuse defenders like Jon ber-🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

[radicalitch]

so i get a lot of religious content on Instagram bc i find it all interesting, and a few months ago i stumbled across the account of this man in his early 20s who was all about being a ‘traditional Catholic’ (usamerican Catholic who has absorbed too much evangelical fundie shit, imo).

anyway he was always posting excerpts from papal bulls, scripture, and other stuff directly from the Catholic Church, yet one of the things he posted about more than once was his stance on abortion. obviously, he was pro life—nothing new there, the Catholics were some of the first to get up-in-arms over abortion.

but this man posted, more than once, about how he believed ALL women who got abortions should get the death penalty.

which told me, immediately, that the Catholic Church was not the most important part of his life as he’d proclaimed: misogyny was.

for those not in the know, the Catholic Church is notoriously anti death penalty. from official church theology/morality books to pop culture pieces like ‘dead man walking.’ i was pumped with more anti death penalty propaganda at Catholic school than i was anti abortion propaganda. catholic majority countries, such as many in South America, have really low max prison sentences and often no death penalties because of the church’s influence.

so for this dumbass to be posting about how he thinks women should be murdered by the government for having abortions—no exceptions for rape, incest, health, etc—is fundamentally against the ethos of the church he sucks off all the time, and shows he doesn’t understand Catholicism nor the church. he’s just looking to justify his misogyny.

not that any of it is surprising, really. I just usually see this shit from fundies, and it’s weird to see Catholics inching more toward fundie ideology, because, well, in instances like this, shit doesn’t add up.

these fundie-Catholic influencers (usually young and recently converted/recently started taking the religion seriously) also LOVE to shit on atheist/agnostic or otherwise critical people who went to Catholic school bc ‘just because they went to Catholic school doesn’t mean they know everything about the religion.’ like, please, i completed all my fucking years of CCD, went to mass regularly for years, come from a family that’s Catholic and attended Catholic schools for generations, and attended one myself but you, twenty year old trad Catholic influencer who went to mass for the first time last year, are more educated on the church than i am. ok.

(unsurprisingly, last i saw the dickhead’s profile, he was single and looking for Catholic women)

[katyspersonal]

Marika & Messmer are fascists but not the hornsent who chop people to small pieces and put them inside jars to achieve divinity because they believe they're "chosen" people and therefore superior to other races? Have you considered the possibility that sometimes both sides of a war can suck? This is why frenzied flame is the way🙏

Anon, I am going to scold you before I get to the topic because "have you considered [thing]" here should be reserved for a problem when someone is ignorant and in a bad, poor-taste way! Which I was not because obviously I "considered" this! You are referring to a silly post of me liveblogging how I got to Messmer, and so of course I addressed Messmer! I should not add long disclaimer about every other lore-relevant thing when I make a basically liveblog-ish remark to "demonstrate" that I do not let other culprits in the story "get away" either! 😣 For example recently I've been focusing on Fire Knights to express my hatred for religious purism, but later in another post about story of Abyssal Woods I've instead focused my vitriol on Hornsent Inquisitors! There is its own post and time for everything!

Okay back to the LORE with light heart now!! This is true of course that both sides are atrocious; the Hornsent basically pulled a mad cult crusade on the shamans, and very ironically long time after their folks were victims of also a religion-driven crusade! This is basically playing extermination ping-pong for generations and regardless of who "started it", none of the innocent people (children, those who disagree and simply belong to [race], distant descendants that did not DO anything etc) deserved to be exterminated by association.

To get more elaborate, one has to take into consideration just how long the conflict has been going on for, and everything else Marika has done besides the Crusade. The people being killed by Messmer's army are most likely generations apart from the people who hurt Marika's! I've mentioned that earlier where I questioned how Grandam and Hornsent (NPC) seem to not even know why Marika/Messmer went with war at them at ALL. Like, both are/were barbaric in their own way, but there's clearly a side that has suffered enough now. Like, this was such a disgusting conflict that even Marika, who was the one who had it ordered in the first place, felt the need to distance herself from it because it WAS the battle without glory or honor. There were the Hornsent, likely a cult or something, who murdered and mutilated the Shamans back in their time, but Marika was the one who started the war and kept it going even after it was clear that the Hornsent had lost, and ruined the lives of many people that weren't even part of the war in resistance like the Hornsent NPC! (One more nitpick about it is that her/Messmer's war was that of exterminating of all who have no Grace, as opposed to some insane idea on how to force them to be reborn to "join" her type of people hfhhhbhf)

Correct me here if I am wrong, but so far we can't know if ALL Hornsent accepted the practices of Bonny Village and their higher religious institution. The Greater Potentate Cookbooks that we find relating to hefty pots describe the author as having been "haunted by the grotesque practice of his village of birth". This guy didn't sound like he was very proud of what his people were doing, and it's coming from someone who was raised there! There's likely a lot of other Hornsent who found the practice just as disgusting, especially amongst those that didn't do it themselves, but we don't know that because most of them are dead and the ones who remain are understandably upset and distrustful of "our" kind!

🤔 It is also because of this why it's more reasonable to call the two leading figures of a cleansing war fascists than an entire race, because we can't just assume that ALL Hornsent are fascists just because their religious order and justice system is fucked up. We just don't have a key leader figure to redirect such sentiments towards, unlike with the Golden Order! Basically confirmed fascists are Marika, Messmer + Fire Knights + Black Knights + troops, various warriors and perfumers and what not who agreed to participate @ the Hornsent who are doing the potting, the Hornsent who did slaughter Marika's village, and remaining corrupt clerics leaders of the religion!

(On a side note, Frenzied Flame is definitely the answer but y'all shouldn't tell Melina on me hfjjchjgdh)

________

UPDATE 1 from July 4th that I wanted to add in the OG post instead:

I have nothing to add here, all of these are rather fair points! I am a little late with adding these screenshots but you've probably seen some more speculation on the Hornsent Inquisitors these couple of days by me and @val-of-the-north in my blog! Here if you missed these: ( x ) ( x ) The gist of it is that seems like Inquisitors are hunting their fellow Hornsent as heretics for serving the "impure" nobles, but regardless of whether it happened before Marika's mentioned "betrayal" or after, it is STILL horrible to harm people for association with those that didn't even do anything wrong :^)

Still applies that calling the whole race fascist doesn't work (heck, the Hornsent who choose to stand with Midra and Nanaya are confirmation of strong exceptions!), but the sentiment is certainly very strongly rooted culturally.

Sigh.. I am pretty sure there are people somewhere in the fandom that would fall into "hornsent deserved it" pit over this, too. Like "hey, even currently Hornsent culture is a rich soil for Shaman Villages 2.0 and 3.0 and 4.0 and so on to happen, so why not preventively exterminate an inherently dangerous culture?" (..if anyone here really thinks along these lines, please know that this is a dangerous line of thinking and you'll get ideologically groomed into excusing genocides before you know if you don't question what you're implying here) What they needed was more communication with other cultures and adopting more tolerant and humane principles. Seeing that various horn-ness species are just like them rather than sitting in the "we divine they filth" bubble if it is THAT bad. Maybe Marika even HAD the power to provide such change and bridge the gap while she was still a trusted figure to them during her "infiltration", and yet instead of putting and end to terrible traditions with careful planning and diplomacy, she chose the path of revenge..

Genuinely a depressing point to think about. And yes, absolutely doesn't do her a honor to choose ruin and hate.

________

UPDATE 2 from July 11th:

I also completely forgot to back it up that the fellow Hornsent were also facing execution through being stuffed in jars!

Yeah nah, definitely their people in power were so dangerous that should someone protest against the murder of Shamans and alike, they'd meet the same fate.. Having to swallow what your insane authorities do, with your own life in the line, is also something very real. This situation obscures the number of people who are against it from the superficial look.

I myself live in the country where people can't protest against the government unless they want to go to prison or face other dire consequences, so having to sit quietly for the sake of yourself and your own families for the outside world LOOKS like we don't care and ""'"agree""". :)))) Fun stuff. :') Here, anyone who would ask why Hornsent that disagree with their leaders don't express it would technically be in their right to do so, but most people will protect their own life first, especially if sacrificing it won't really avail anything. Again, Elden Ring is incredibly real with these topics. :')

[romana-after-dark]

The Wrong Way: Chapter 8

Dark!Joel Miller x Fem!Reader Tommy Miller x reader (secondary)

Masterlist

Spotify playlist

Summery: You are sold to Joel to clear up some of your fathers' debts, and he takes you back to his house where him, Tommy, and high ranking members of his raiding trope stay. Joel is mean, cruel, and hash, but had small moments of softness that confuse you in your venerable state. Over time, you get to know him and Tommy, and see different sides of each, and both are hiding secrets. Was it possible to fall in love under these circumstances? Or was that just another way Joel was fucking with you?

Aka: my mom sold me to One Direction

WARNINGS FOR FULL FIC, NOT CHAPTER BY CHAPTER UNLESS SOMETHING NEW IS ADDED AFTER MASTER WARNING LIST: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT!!!! Fic contains graphic depictions of sexual assault, rape, molestation, dubcon/non con. Blow Jobs, PIV sex, lose of virginity, sex trafficking, past incest, death/people dying everywhere, Stockholm syndrome, falling for your rapist, victim blaming, torcher, branding, physical abuse, rape (not Joel), somno, dub con on tommy? idk he's not really into it but feels like he has to, self-harm/depression/suicidal thoughts (not a lot) but fair warning, major age gaps, love triangle, pregnancy/birth, threats of abortion, major character death, mentions of potential csa/child abuse but does not even come close to happening, forced pregnancy, forced housewife shit, breeding, breeding kink?!?!

I wanna add we're really heavy on the birth/pregnancy, forced birth, choking, domestic violence, threats of hanging and murder. Can't say I didn't warning yuh (unless i missed a warning of course. then please let me know so i cant edit ASAP) Like this is a rough chapter, a lot of violence to a pregnant woman. but I wanna say right now...

The baby will not be harmed in anyway. Baby will be born healthy, and live and have a good life in both the main ending and alt ending.

5k words (sorry not sorry lol)

Also to clarify a few things I guess i didn't make clear enough in previous chapters!

Joel only 'guessed' that Tommy and LO slept together. He had suspicions but thought he could trust Tommy and his 'girlfriend'. When LO rushed to stop Joel from hurting Tommy, that was his 'evidence'. Joel was beating Tommy because he found out about Maria.

Joel only heard part of the conversation between Zach and Little One. Nick said way back in chapter 3 the wall are thinner than she thinks. He didn't know Lorenzo had any part of it, and because LO didn't rat him out, he never will.

Thats my bad for not being clear!

Can you catch the Superstore homage? (aka i rewatched two episodes just to take it line for line lol)

***************

Month 3

No one warned you about morning sickness. 

You knew fuck all about sex before you came to Joel’s, just a thing or two from your friend back at the ranch and how to get a man off with your mouth or hands, but pregnancy and birth was next to nothing. You didn’t even know how pregnancy happened really, other than a penis in a vagina until you asked Tommy early on if you were going to get pregnant. After a very uncomfortable talk for both of you, Tommy explained that Joel told him he pulls out, so you should be good… Lorenzo said you can still get pregnant that way, but thinking back to the night Joel almost killed Tommy and you… Joel finished inside… the timing added up. 

Pregnancy and birth were entirely unknown to you, and you wished someone would just give you a heads up. Joel had a daughter and no doubt had been through at least once pregnancy, and Lorenzo had mentioned 4 of his 6 older sisters got pregnant before leaving the house… something about no sex education, men too old for them, and their religion not believing in birth control or abortion… but you didn’t know what half those words meant, and after Lorenzo mercilessly made fun of you for days about not knowing Joel’s song for you was actually a very famous song, you didn’t dare ask him about the words, or anything with pregnancy. You didn’t want to ask Joel either, not wanting to give away how terrified you were, not wanting him to think you didn’t want to… But you did! You did want this baby, you reminded yourself again and again and again, because Joel was good to you, Joel took care of you, Joel would care for this baby too. You’d be bound to him, and he’d never get tired of you this way, and he wouldn’t hurt the mother of his child, right?

The birth was something you tried not to think about.

So here you were, puking your gut out before you even had breakfast and Joel held your hair back.

“Shhh, shhhhhhh” he coo’d and you heaved, yellow bile and acid coming up from inside you since the little food in your stomach from dinner had been thrown up 5 minuets ago.

With a final spit into the toilet, you sink back and Joel wipes your mouth for you. “I think that’s it.” You mutter, and Joel carries you into your shared bedroom, laying you down with the care of an infant before kissing your forehead. 

“Don’t worry about breakfast, little one. I don’t need anything this morning.” He says before kissing your cheek. But you were worrying about breakfast, because you wanted it… but the only way you’d be getting food is if you made it. Tommy wasn’t here to care for you anymore. “I’ll be gone until the evening, what's for dinner?”

The thought of cooking, the thought of raw meats and the strong smells of spices made you want to vomit again. “I dunno…”

“I think a few of them chickens is ready to be butchered, you ever made chicken parmesan? We got that cheese I brought back yesterday, you could make something like that.”

You groan a bit, exhausted and tired despite being only 3 months in. You didn’t sleep at all last night, nightmares of the past and the future plaguing you. He knew that you didn’t sleep, you had told him… “Joel I can’t, the butchering, I feel so-”

“I’ll make Lorenzo do it.” He promises. “Chicken parmesan it is then?” He decided for you. What he didn’t understand is it wasn’t just butchering a few chickens. To make chicken parm you need chicken breasts, not the rest of it. You didn’t waste meat, so Lorenzo kills (you could do it on a normal day, but not with your heightened smell) then you pluck, clean, Lorenzo butchers, then you have to separate the different parts and put them into hygienic storage and take them to the freezer locker, then thoroughly clean yourself, all the tools and surfaces (and Lorenzo) to prevent illness. It would take hours. But Joel didn’t see that, he only ever saw the food at the end of his day.

“Okay” You agree reluctantly, and he begins kissing your neck and groping you, no doubt wanting a quicky before a long day of unspeakable violence. “Joel, please, I don’t feel good.” You beg him not to, but you learned in the past that this never got far.

His morning breath wasn’t helping anything as he tugged down your shorts. “I’ll be quick.”

You knew what that meant. Joel slid into you with no prep, no lubrication, and it burned. The steady rocking was the last thing you needed right now, and with his head buried in your neck, you covered your mouth as the nausea took over. You threw up, but like everything the last several months, you just swallowed it down again to deal with when Joel was gone. When he came inside (wasn’t he worried about you getting pregnant again?) you quickly pull up your pants and run to the bathroom, pushing past Lorenzo no doubt on his way to babysitting duties with you. 

As he watched you run past and heard the sounds of throwing up, Lorenzo caught Joel’s arm as he brushed past. “Peppermint or ginger. Find it, whatever form it's in. Oils, drops, whatever. If you can find the leaves or the root we can make it into a tea. Just find it, it’ll help her nausea.”

Month 4

“Okay Lorenzo, I got a question for you, and you can’t make fun of me.” You say as you cook, the swell of your belly beginning to show now.

“No guarantees.” He says, sitting his drink. How did he find so much alcohol?

“Fine. Okay… when Joel and I have sex-”

He visibly cringed. “Since when do we talk about our sex lives?” 

“Renzo.”

“Fine, go on. But remember I’m not exactly an expert on female anatomy.”

You take a deep breath. “Okay. Well I told you he always pulls out right? Um… ever since I told him im pregnant… he doesn’t.”

Lorenzo waits for you to continue, but you don’t. You think that’s it. “What the problem?”

You continue to avoid looking at him, stirring the soup. “Well.. what if I get pregnant again?”

He stares at you like he’s trying to make sense of your question before the recognition sets in. “OH!” But before he explains what he means… his face shifts… theres something sad in there, a hint of pain in his eyes you only saw once, the face he had as he looked at you in disgust while Joel carried you from the bedroom to the bath while you were covered head to toe in spit and cum and period blood… was it pity? “Jesus kid… No one really taught you anything, did they?”

“C’mon, just tell me.”

Scrubbing his face, he sighed. “No, you can’t get pregnant while your already pregnant.”

Oh. “Wait… really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Ah. Okay then.”

There was a long, long silence before he spoke again. “If you got any other question about, like… pregnancy and birth… I can try and answer.”

Joel had been trying to find a doctor, a midwife, something for you… but it was slim pickings in Wyoming. 

Five minuets later, you were squealing, covering your ears, but laughing. “Ew! What the hell is a mucus plug! You know what, I don’t wanna-”

“IT’S A PLUG FULL OF MUCUS IN YOUR VAGINA WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS?!?!” He yells loud enough to get past your attempt at blocking your ears. 

“NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH!!! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” But you still could.

“Honestly in the last month or two all kinds of weird things are gonna come out of you including but not limited to a very slimey and weird looking baby.”

You gasp, feigning indignance. “How dare you insult my unborn child!”

“It ain’t personal, sweetheart. All babies look ugly as fuck as newborns. Now, let’s get back to the gritty details.”

With a squeal, you try to run away. “No! I know enough!” But you’re laughing. It felt like you were messing around with Zach back in your childhood home. 

“My sister Elaina lost like 4 teeth.”

“AAAHHHHH!”

Month 5

Joel had finally found a midwife of sorts. Well, technically, Jack did, as it was his cousin. Maura had been a nurse in the birthing wing a short time before everything went to shit and had been helping women deliver babies ever since. Initially, she told Jack to keep his mouth shut. She hated Joel and didn’t want a thing to do with him, but when no one else showed up and you were in your 5th month, she relented, purely for the sake of the innocent kidnapped girl. 

“Put the fucking gun away, Joel.” She said as she entered your room, grabbing the barrel in Joel’s hands and pointing it to the floor. “Point that shit at me again and I’m not helping your child bride.” She stared him down, head tilted up only slightly to reach his eyes. If she was intimidated by Joel, she wouldn’t

Joel glared at her, but he didn’t have many options. “If you hurt her-”

“From what I hear, you’re doing enough of that yourself. Now, you stand up against the wall and watch if you want to, but don’t interfere, and do not try to intimidate me, understood?”

You watched in awe as she stood her ground… It had been months before you had done anything of the sort against Joel, only standing up to him when Tommy’s life was in danger. Joel gave a curt nod and she turn to approach where you lay, sat up against some pillows.

A gentle smile was on her face, but it was clear she was here for business. Still, her confidence and certainty put you at ease.

“My name’s Maura, I’ll be helping deliver this baby.” She was beautiful, with long black hair and a light smattering of freckles on her face, but got straight to the point. It was clear she knew what she was doing, asking you questions you hadn’t even thought of yet and examining you. When she was done, she stood up, looking at you, not Joel. “It seems despite the circumstances-”

Joel tried to interrupt. “The fuck’s that supposed to mean”

But Maura ignored him, keeping your attention with her bright brown eyes. “Despite the circumstances, everything appears to be progressing naturally, theres no cause for concern as of right now. But you need to keep things low stress.” It was then she turned to glare at Joel, to emphasize her point.

Maura said she’d be staying near-by and Joel was paying her a hefty price for her services. When you’d go into labor, Joel was to send a man on horse to fetch her, preferably Jack, but she warned she would armed, and she’d be there shortly.

That night, Joel held you close as you discussed baby names. 

“How about Loretta? Like that singer you liked?”

Joel hums, none commital. “I always liked Dorothy, we could call her Dolly as a nickname. I know you like Dolly Parton” Joel had been teaching you about old country music, and you certainly had a few favorites. Not knowing many women in general, your pool of girl names was not strong so you drew from singers he’d mentioned. 

You scrunch up your nose a bit at that. “I like Dolly, I don’t like Dorothy.”

“It was my grandmas name, I’d really like to name our daughter after her.” His voice had that tone to it, the one that left little room to argue, but you tried to push past Dorothy.

“Maybe June? Like June Carter?” You knew how particle he was to Johnny Cash, but also... that was the name of the only friend you had before Tommy.

“That’s beautiful, little one, June it is.” He smiles into your skin, and you think you’ve won, when he says. “Dorothy June.” 

He had already decided, and there was no real option to argue or change his mind. You’d just call her Dolly, then.

You had one thing you really, really wanted for boy name, and you desperately hoped you could get it, but you couldn’t tell him why. You didn’t want any more kids so this was your only shot. You hadn’t even wanted this one, but as your stomach swelled with life, motherly love came with it and you decided you’d make the best of the situation. The child inside you was your number one priority. “Okay, boys? I really like Caleab… It’s my favorite boy name…” You didn’t have to tell him that was Zach’s middle name.

“I like it, bebita.” 

You got what you wanted. You knew Joel was hoping for a girl, so you figured he was less particular on the boy name. 

“Got any ideas for the middle name?” You ask him.

“Nothing in mind, really. I’m open…” He kisses your neck.  “Anything you want?”

You keep quiet. The name you wanted… he’d never go for.

Joel pulled you closer, nuzzling his face against you as he whispered. “Ah. I see.” You freeze. Tommy hadn’t been so much as alluded to since he barely made it out alive and you thought for sure Joel would have a fit, and you began to prepare yourself to feel a hand wrapped around your throat… But he tucked your hair behind your ear and kissed into your locks as he settled down for bed. “Caleb Thomas”

Month 6 

Lorenzo was getting on your fucking nerves today, and you were about to fling the frying pan, bubbling grease and all, at his face. 

“Will you shut up?”

“No, I’m not going to shut up because you are being fucking stupid!” Instead of his usual spot sitting at the kitchen table, he’s standing, arms crossed, in the doorway as you tried to get diner done. “I told you the first day, you are a dumb. Bitch.” he was drunk, three sheets to the wind and absolutely no filter.

“You have no fucking idea what I am! I am trying to fucking survive, Lorenzo, I am trying to keep myself and this baby-”

“You are playing housewife to a serial murder and a rapist!” He yells at you, clearly frustrated. “You are rewarding all the bad things he’s ever done you just give positive reinforcement-”

“Don’t fucking blame me! I’m not reinforcing the bad, I’m reinforcing the good!” You storm over to him, glaring Lorenzo down. “You have no fucking idea how bad things were! I used to dream about killing myself, about dying, about Joel finally snapping and doing it! I am doing the best in the conditions I have!”

“You could have left! You could have left with Zach and gone off with him for fucks sake!”

With a burst of anger you didn’t know was even in you anymore, you shove him, hard, causing the drunk to fall over. “You wanna know what he did last time I tried to run? He caught me within 10 minuets, dragged me back and chained me to this table-” You point at the table that you and Joel sit at most evenings now for diner. “And raped me in front of everyone, Lorenzo! Then he branded me and left me to be gang raped by all your little buddies here! And no one could stop him, not even Tommy! All Tommy could do is stand by and watch, and unchain me after Joel left before anyone could do anything more!”

Lorenzo was not deterred. “That’s my fucking point!”

“If I leave and he catches me, I am dead!”

Scoffing, Lorenzo rolls his eyes from where he’s slumped against the floor. “Yeah, that’s why”

Unsure how much more you can take from him, you motion him to continue.

“You just don’t wanna admit you fell in love with your rapist.”

That was enough. You begin to walk away from him, but he follows after you. 

“What about when you give birth, huh? What kind of father is he going to be? Are you going to stand by while he beats your kids?”

“SHUT UP!” You scream, still walking away. 

“And what if you have a daughter? You just gonna let him molest her like your dad-”

You wipe around so fast you don’t even have time to blink. “No, Joel isn’t like that.” 

Lorenzo laughs at you, cruel and loud. “You are 20 years younger than him, he raped you! You really think he’s above-”

“YES! He will not hurt her like that!”

“And if you have a son? Do you really wanna raise a man like Joel? The kind of man who beats and rapes innocent girls?”

Tears prickle at your eyes now, a terrible tightness in your chest bubbling with stomach bile. “N-no, that’s not gonna happen, I won’t let-”

“Oh, because you’ve had so much choice the last year, havn’t you. Sooooo much control.”

“I won’t.” You shake your head vigorously. “I won’t let anything happen to my baby, Joel won’t hurt them.”

“So, say he doesn't. You really gonna raise a kid here? Half the men here would’ve raped you, given the chance! You really think your child is safe here?”

You can’t argue with him when he’s right. But he doesn’t get it. Joel is good now, Joel protects you, Joel will protect the baby… Joel is gentle now… soft, kind… he thinks of you, he sings you songs… he plays music for you, he’ll be a good dad… You’ll be okay…

You shut down, going into autopilot. You don’t look at Lorenzo as you walk back to the kitchen to finish frying the chicken. Joel would be home soon.

Month 7

“JACK! GET MAURA!” Joel shouts as you groan on the bed, the tight contractions hurting.

“Joel, it hurts!” You call for him, and in a flash Joel is at your bedside, letting you squeeze his hand. 

“I know, little one, I know…” He pets your hair, having flashbacks to Sarah’s birth…. He wanted another girl so bad, but god, he just wanted a healthy baby and for his girl to make it out alive. Birth was dangerous in modern medicine, nonetheless a post-apocalyptic shitstorm. 

Lorenzo stood in the doorway, biting his nails. “You’re not due for another 8 weeks!”

Grunting through the pain, you let a rare bout of sarcasm slip. “Oh yeah, that’s right, never mind.”

“Could be false labor, you know? That’s called Braxton-Hicks contractions?” Lorenzo looked more nervous than you.

Joel ignored him. “It’s gonna be okay, Maura’s on her way and I think even out here 32 weeks is gonna be okay.” Joel wasn’t entirely sure about his own words. 32 weeks meant a premature baby, and pre-mature usually meant NICU… but there was no NICU to go to… if the babies lungs were under developed or anything like that, there were no options. 

Lorenzo was chewing through his nails enough to draw blood. “Or maybe it’s Braxton-Hicks”

At that, Joel finally acknowledges Lorenzo. “Okay, we get it, you know the term Braxton-Hicks, we’re all very impressed.”

“AHHHHHHH” You yell, wishing to get there was something for the pain.

Lorenzo wouldn’t shut up. “Okay, contractions are getting longer, that means your in active labor?”

“Her water hasn’t broke yet!” 

“Is she dilated?”

“Does it look like her pants are off to you?”

“Well check!”

“I don’t know how to tell! Weren’t you bragging last month you helped your sister give birth in a Walmart?”

“That doesn’t mean I know how to check if she’s dilated!”

“You know more than me!”

“I’m not sticking my fucking face between legs!”

“Oh, because you’re gay you’re suddenly scared of vagina’s?”

“What are you talking about?”

“So you’d rather let her just die?”

“DIE? Joel she’s not gonna die because I’m not looking at her fucking cu-”

“GUYS” you shout, causing both to turn and look at you. “The contractions stopped.”

There’s a moment of silence before Lorenzo speaks. “Oh. Huh. That’s uhhh… Braxton-Hicks I guess. False labor.”

As Joel kissed you that night, sex was the last thing you wanted, but you knew there was no point in fighting it.

Joel sucked on your throat, already bruised with dark marks from the night before, now sore and aching with new licks and bites, his hands roaming to expanse of skin presented before him. Gripping, feeling, pinching, tugging, some things felt good, some hurt, but that didn’t matter. He’d get you off, he always did, at night anyway, but you knew sometimes he just liked to feel you, feel what he owned.  The pain is mine. Your cries are mine, your cunt is mine. And if you bleed? Your blood is mine.

Your belly round and swollen with child, he could not hardly keep his hand off it, every time his hand traveled to explore, it quickly found itself returning to its home, never wanting to miss a kick. He slithered down, nestling his face between your legs and devouring your pussy the way he did your neck, the way he did every piece of you, body and soul and until there was nothing left but this subservient version of you, weak and obedient to his hands. He lapped you up, skilled tongue exploring through your folds only pausing to nibble at the soft skin of your thighs or kiss the round stomach above him. He felt extra possessive today, a desperate, anxious way about him as he devoured you so hungrily you wondered if he intended to eat you, swallow you whole to keep you with him forever; a communion, and you were the eucharist, a matrimony of cannibalism. 

You wanted to tug at his hair, you wanted to entangle yourself in him but your belly was in the way, so you simply laid back and enjoyed as he tongue fucked you, prodding at your entrance, his hands on the globe where your child waits to be born.

“Fuck, Joel, need you, need to cum, please.”

You beg for him, plead, and he devours. Joel knows you love when his perfect, plus lips such at your mound and your clit with long fingers fingering into you, and you yelp when they curl up and hit that spot inside you. “Keep moaning, little one, let me hear you.”

You obliged. Sometimes you wondered how sick everyone in the house was of hearing you, but they weren’t the ones you needed to please; pleasing Joel kept you alive.

“I need you inside me, please” Nudging him with your leg as you cry for his cock. “Joel, I gotta have you inside me, I need to cum on your cock, please? Please, Joel-”

A wet, sloppy sound as he detached from you, and his eyes looked just as hungry as he acted while he crawled up. “You beg so pretty, little one, such a pretty little cock whore.”

But you didn’t have time for his talking, you needed him inside you, now; the hormones of the pregnancy had a mind of their own. You take a chance and push him down, watching Joel smile as you straddle his waist. “God, I just- just need you.”

“The take me, little one, take me” 

You cry out as you sink down onto him, feeling your cunt split on him. “Fuuuck!” Sobbing, you take him fully and begin to fuck yourself on him.

“Just like that, pretty girl, fuck, taking me so well, gonna have you all stretched out to have this baby, huh? Gonna give me a child, little girl? A baby of our own? Fuck, fuck you look so pretty like this, swollen with my child, stretching your stomach as I stretch your cunt, fucking perfect, my perfect wife.”

Wife.

Wife.

Wife?!

You knew Joel was delusional… but fuck, Lorenzo was right… you were playing house wife. Joel thought of you as his wife… 

“Gonna fuck you full of my cum, again, and again, keep you constantly knocked up, make our happy little family, you and me and a dozen little kids running around, FUCK, our family, our family.”

You continued the pace, you couldn’t falter, you couldn’t slow down, you couldn’t hesitate; you couldn’t give any sort of reason for him to think you didn’t want this…

But it suddenly struck you

You were trapped. Joel trapped you with a baby, knowing you’d need him to protect it, knowing you’d never leave your child… and now he was going to keep you pregnant. You could never leave with 5,6,7 kids, it would be impossible. 

“Yeah, fuck yourself on my cock little one, just little that…” Joel reached out to touch you, roughly manhandling your tits that were swollen and engorged.

You begin to cry, but that wouldn’t give away anything for Joel; he fucking loved that shit.

One hand on your breast, one on your clit. “Cry on my cock, baby girl, cry when you cum.”

You did, you sobbed as you came, your body betraying the horrors you felt at his hands.

Month 8

“Hey Joel? Can I talk to you about something?”

You had to do it. You had to. And it had to be now. You two had fucked less than half an hour ago and he was currently eating your food, humming contently. He was always lovey-dovey after sex, and was always much happier after food… The pair didn’t line up often, so now was your chance. 

“What’s on your mind, little one? Nervous about being a mother? You’ll be a great mom; I just know it.” He smiled at you with puppy dog eyes, looking up from his plate, and you couldn’t help smiling back, not when he showered you with compliments.

“Well… you’ve said before you wanted lots of kids… but we… well this little baby was an accident.”

“A miracle, not an accident.” Joel corrected you. You didn’t see how conceiving a child the night he was threatening to blow your brains onto a wall for sleeping with his brother if you didn’t shoot said-baby’s uncle was a miracle… but you digress

“Right. Well… we never really talked about more kids… and although I’m over the moon about this baby, I did initially not want to have it.” Joel’s face began to darken, but you powered through. “Maybe we could see how we feel about one kid after a few years before thinking about-”

Joel slammed down his silverware. “What are you trying to say.”

But you freeze. This was a bad idea, you needed to placate immediately, you needed to calm him down. “N-nothing, Joel, just thinking out loud.”

He stood up, a deadly, blank stare on his face, so far removed from the adoration as he bestowed kisses on your ever-growing belly. Joel walked around the table, standing behind you and placing firm hands on your shaking shoulders, leaning into your ear. 

“You say’n you don’t want my kids? Don’t wanna be their mama? You don’t wanna be my wife?”

“No, no that’s not-” But you don’t get a chance to finish, his hand is wrapped around your throat and insane strength pulling you up and out of the chair, the wooden furniture toppled to the side in a loud clatter. He slams the back of your head against the drywall, you’re toes barely touch the ground; struggling to breath, you claw at his hand, but he doesn’t even blink.

The panic begins to set it.

“YOU ARE NOT IN CHARGE! YOU DO NOT GET TO MAKE CHOICES!” He screams, and out of the corner of your eye you watch as a few men hesitantly gather, like vultures waiting on the next piece of deadmeat. You couldn’t see who, but it didn’t matter. Even the good ones couldn’t intervene.

Joel’s face was suddenly right in front of yours. “Everything you have, any freedom, any luxuries, any power you think you have is because I have given it to you.” Black spots appeared, your vision blurring, sinking into the unknown and god, did it feel sweet. Was it finally over? “I bought you, I own you, you have no rights! You are nothing! You are nothing but a toy for me to play with, a breeding bitch and you should be so lucky to sit at my table!”

He let go, but as you gasped for breath, Joel yanked at your hair and patched you across the room, not letting go of his grasp on you as you flung into the counter. What he didn’t know, what he could never understand was how the handle of the draw rammed into the brand on your side. Suddenly, all sense, all rational went out the window, and you were violently thrust back to last year as he burned his initials into your skin. The flashbacks were triggered, and the result was nothing short of hysteria. You cry out for the only person who would step in.

“TOMMY!TOMMY!TOMMY!TOMMY!TOMMYYYY” You scream, the fact Tommy was miles away didn’t matter, nor did the fact this would only anger Joel more. This didn’t matter; you wanted him, no one but him, and all sense was knocked out of you.

Joel pulls you up by your hair and slaps you hard enough that you taste blood and screams at you to not say Tommy’s name, but you can’t stop, you scream and scream and scream for him to come save you and your baby, the precious little life inside you that has never done anything wrong. 

You fight and claw and panic, hysterics drowning out the one or two voices telling Joel to stop; who they belonged to, you couldn’t say. 

Joel stopped listening, and the voices grow louder as Joel drags you, kicking and screaming, outside; rope and a chair in his hand, your hair in the other, and Joel walked with long strides to a tree outside.

****************

YEEEEEEESSSSHHHHHHHHHHH Cliiiiiff hanger, hanging from a cliiiiiiffff thats why he's caaaaallled, Cliff Hangers!

Who else used to watch Inbetween The Lions? Anyway.

Who wanna guess what happens!

Only two chapters left!

For the sake of credit, if you didn't find the superstore reference or dont watch the show, most of the dialogue between Joel and Lorenzo and LO was between Amy and Jonah from two birth related episodes of superstore

Also, Maura is named after my dear dear friend @maura-honey who although is not generally a fanfiction girlie, made a tumblr so she could read, like and reblog this series and always sends me such lovely messages <3

Reblogs are the best way to spread and support, but comments mean the world. I know not everyone likes to share dark content on their blog, but even a kind anon is such support!

for those who voted you dont like or hate or Lorenzo, I hope that doesn't mean you hate him as n he's a bad character. I got a comment on AO3 that said "i cant tell if i like lorenzo or not, but i like him in the story" which makes sense! His victim blaming is really fucking shitty.

no poll today, sorry!

MoonBanana said they think LO copes by lying to herself until she beleives it, what do y'all think? is she as delusional as joel?

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @howaboutcastiel @tidlewav3 @bunnnyy-dummy @slutfortimotheechalamet @foggymoonbanana @dinsbaby @miraclesabound @jenna-ortega @primosworld @marclovers @threeheadedlamb @secretwriterpp @the-fox-den

@bitchyglitterfox @0bsessedwithfictionalcharacters @alloftheboysivelovedbefore @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @lunar-ghoulie @pedritosdarling @dreamonseems @alwaysdjarin @amoramorquetepintas @milla-frenchy

[mesozoic-system]

Fucking kill yourself already, you piece of shit. No wonder Roy left you. You're just a waste of oxygen and space

Fun fact: I know exactly who this is. No need to remain anonymous, or are you afraid of what your friends would think if they saw you telling strangers to kill themselves?

And I've attempted to before. The very first time I tried to take my own life was when I was 12. I took a handful of my medicine.

After I recovered, I started going to church. I found peace in worshipping God and Jesus Christ. I loved going to church, I loved being part of such a community.

I was raped at 13 inside of a church by someone I thought I could trust, and I tried to kill myself again when I was 15.

My view of religion turned sour, and I began to realize how fictional the Bible was, how evil it was. I turned my back on God and Jesus. If God's love is conditional, then I want nothing to do with it.

People like you, mindless Christians who follow an ancient book blindly, hoping it'll give you answers for the unexplained, it gives you comfort believing that there's something out there that you can trust.

And I respect that.

But for you to use such evil as a way to explain your immoral actions is unjustifiable. You ignore everything in those pages except for what you can use to hurt others.

Let's take a look at a few paragraphs.

Deuteronomy 22:5 - A woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment; for whosoever doeth these things is an abomination unto the Lord thy God.

(Women aren't supposed to wear pants.)

Deuteronomy 22:28 - If a man comes upon a young woman, a virgin who is not betrothed, seizes her and lies with her, and they are discovered, the man who lay with her shall give the young woman's father fifty silver shekels and she will be his wife, because he has violated her.

Genesis 7:21 - Every living thing that moved on land perished—birds, livestock, wild animals, all the creatures that swarm over the earth, and all mankind. Everything on dry land that had the breath of life in its nostrils died.

Deuteronomy 21:18 - And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

Proverbs 23:13 - Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die.

1 Samuel 15:3 - Now go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.

Leviticus 21:17 - For the generations to come none of your descendants who has a defect may come near to offer the food of his God. No man who has any defect may come near: no man who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed; no man with a crippled foot or hand, or who is a hunchback or a dwarf, or who has any eye defect, or who has festering or running sores or damaged testicles.

Leviticus 20:13 - If a man lies with a male as with a woman, they have committed an abomination; the two of them shall be put to death; their bloodguilt is upon them.

Timothy 2:11 - A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet.

Leviticus 26:29 - You will eat the flesh of your sons and the flesh of your daughters.

Ephesians 6:5 - Slaves, obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear. Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ.

Genocide, sexism, homophobia, racism, murder, and none of this is important to you because god forbid, someone's gay!

Next time, do your research. You're shaming your own religion.

[hamliet]

Hi I love your meta about Hazbin Hotel, and I wanted to ask what you think about specifically Lute and Adam's relationship?

I see it as perhaps a prime example of an unhealthy power balance in a relationship, but not a romantic one. I could see an argument for unrequited love on Lute's part, but it's not particularly clear. I think it's more like adoration on Lute's behalf and ego for Adam.

I also know @aspoonofsugar is working on a meta about the angels that will touch a lot on this relationship, so I'll let Sugar do most of the meta-ing here, but I will say a few things.

Adam reminds me of a cult leader--a person who uses the ideals of a religion, philosophy, or political matter to prop up themselves. He doesn't even believe anything necessarily--he believes only in what benefits himself. All things are permissible. His end is destruction, his God is his own desires, and his glory is in his shame (hence why he gets stabbed by Niffty in the dick). He only cares about sex and his own comfort. He is God in his own mind, and his pride is his downfall.

Lute: Angels make no mistakes! Adam: Yeah, I've never made a mistake in my fuckin' life!

I do think there's a deliberate irony here, and a retelling to a degree of the Fall in Genesis where Adam's character is taken from--Adam's pride, falling for the serpent's words in Genesis 3:

For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.

But the serpent here is not the literal serpent or the character of Lucifer. Instead, it is Adam's own ego and pride. It is part of his humanity, but he refuses to consider that he could have any flaws. He's flawless. He's God. (He's not, and that's why he dies.)

I do think Hazbin is deliberately criticizing white American evangelical Christianity, and I strongly suspect Adam's character is modeled after a particular category of preacher : the sex-obsessed dudebro. See Mark Driscoll; there's a whole podcast called "The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill" that details his story. And here and here for the tl;dr version. I witnessed this in real time, and know people who survived his church.

These men are almost always brought down by people exposing their own abuse of their power, yet they always crawl back. They do not care about Jesus or God or any belief. They only care about aggrandizing themselves and the world being exactly how they think it should be.

Lute is extremely deferential to Adam and tries to uphold his idiocy. You could say she's a bit of a "pick me." But like Vaggie, she's kind of a victim of brainwashing, and I feel for her. Her admiration of and love for Adam is genuine on her part. But that doesn't make it less toxic, and Adam uses that loyalty to get her to participate in mass murders and yet, when called out on it directly, humiliates Lute.

I think my favorite exchange between Lute and Adam is this:

Adam: Extermination Day is here, bitches. We're going to go down and exterminate demon ass! Lute: Destroy that ass! Adam: Prepare to slaughter every sinner in that shit hotel, and you all remember Vaggie? [The Exorcists all boo Vaggie] Exorcists: Boo! We hate her! Lute: Rip Vaggie's cunt mouth out her ass! Adam: Would you just-ju-chill, Lute. Fuck. Anyway, whoever brings me Vaggie's head gets...uh, I dunno, a million Heaven bucks. How about that, huh?

I have actually seen several YouTube critics laughing and saying "when even Adam thinks you've gone too far, you know you're whacked" and the like. Except, I think that misses the point of this exchange (though to be fair it is comedy and it is funny so I'm not saying it's a wrong impression, just that I think there's a poignant layer to this).

Is anything Lute says worse than what Adam says? Like, Adam has himself said extremely cruel things. Like this:

Oh, fuck yes! I win! Suck it, bitches! You better save the date, cunts, because we're coming to your hotel... first!

But when Lute does it, Adam is repulsed because he knows how it looks to his other followers. His followers can be flawed, after all. He can't be. He throws Lute under the bus for stating exactly what he's asking for in no uncertain terms to remind Lute who is boss, and also because he needs to maintain his position of power.

It's exactly what all these dudebro sex-crazed theobros routinely do. When one of their followers states exactly what they mean without any "heehees" or glitter, they disavow that person when in reality that person represents exactly what they've always said, just without any cloaks. And usually it's a woman. The women who side with these men get hung out to dry eventually.

[stephenjaymorrisblog]

Pigs off Campus!

(College Revolt is Back in Style.)

Stephen Jay Morris

4/23/2024

©Scientific Morality

                Here is a nifty little analogy:  suppose your dad gave money to your uncle to buy a gun so that he could shoot his ex-wife? Would your dad be guilty of murder?  Kind of.  He would be an accessory to murder. Suppose your country gave weapons to another country to commit genocide? Would it be guilty of genocide? Sort of, as they would be an accessory to a war crime. So, is it justifiable for Americans to protest Israel’s genocide against Palestinians? Hell, yeah! Not only is it justified, but it is also warranted.

            Now I am going to play a game of comparative history. The Chuds have been whining and bitching about how college professors are brainwashing their precious White children with leftist propaganda. Back in 1968, most universities were run by Right wing, WASP men in suits and ties. College professors were either moderates or conservative. Only the Arts departments were managed by liberals and Beatniks. Baby Boomers were never brainwashed by college professors. They were autodidactic and hungry for the truth. Some joined the “Ban the Bomb” movement and later, the Civil Rights movement.

            The urgency of the war at hand got ahold of Boomers. Many Vietnamese women and children along with American soldiers were dying by the hundreds, as was reported on the nightly news. A minority of Boomers felt helpless and wanted to stop the killing. So, they resorted to protests and strikes on university campuses. These acts were coordinated by two major student groups: the Black Student Union and Students for a Democratic Society, other wise known as SDS. I joined SDS in 1969. The only communication avenues we had at the time were printed fliers, underground newspapers, and FM rock stations. Oh, and let’s not forget the telephone. The FBI loved tapping them. If we’d had the technology Zoomers have today, we would have stopped the Vietnam War in 1967.

            In 1968, the anti-war movement went international, from Europe to Africa to South America. Most of the world was opposed to the Vietnam War.

So, is this latest movement against Likud Party’s genocide on the Palestinian people a new Anti-War movement? As sure as the Earth is round! Now all this of this carping about Anti-Semitism is no different than when the New Left was accused of being Anti-American. Neither is true! There is a Jewish sect called, “Keturei Karta,” who believe that there can be no Israel until the Messiah comes. Many Jews do not accept Jesus as the Jewish messiah. Now, let me ask you. Is this orthodox sect antisemitic or just comprised of your average self-hating Jews? Shit no dumbass!

            In 1968, we waved Vietcong flags and were accused of being communists. It was all done in the name of solidarity. Now the Palestinian flag is waved. Nothing has changed. We did have contingencies of Tankies, and other types of communist groups, who marched with us and chanted slogans that didn’t reflect the true sentiment of the movement’s coalition. Here are a couple I remember: “America must die! Let the red flag fly!”  and “Get a clue! Fuck the red, white, and blue!” There were other silly ones I’ve long since forgotten.

            Now you have Islamic nationalist groups doing the same thing. The Chants of “Death to America” come from small, Muslim, theocratic groups who are not affiliated with the Anti-authoritarian Left. Due to rumors and erroneous propaganda, the Left, as a rule, do not support Islam. Why? Well, because many of them does not support organized religion! Second, Islam, like Christianity and Judaism, are sexist religions.

            It was the Battle of Seatle, in 1999, that gave me hope. Then came the occupation movement of 2011, and now, this anti-war movement of 2024. If they can pull this off, the movement’s young people can stop this so-called war in the Middle East. As for the young people in Israel, will they rise up and stop Likud Party? That remains to be seen.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update: DECEMBER 2023

what's up gamers!!!! 2023 is over, and before I can make a post reflecting on every book I read I need to talk specifically about what I was reading in December. I was lucky enough to end the year coming out of a pretty dire depressive fug, and I celebrated by going buckwild reading as much as possible and placing so many holds at the local library that I will, probably, come to regret any day now. such is the price of being in love with life again, I guess!

let's talk about it!!!

what I read:

Buffalo is the New Buffalo (Chelsea Vowel, 2022) - a collection of Métis speculative fiction short stories. Vowel's stories didn't always quite land for me, feeling as if they would benefit from another round or two of revisions and a bit of elaboration, but even when they fell a little flat the concepts were promising. I especially adored the story "Michif Man," in which a mid-twentieth century Métis man is gored by a radioactive buffalo and develops strange powers that he uses to defend his community, told through the fascinating framing device of a 21st century scholar's speech making a case for Michif Man's existence. I also really liked the closing story, "Unsettled," which felt like really cool old school sci-fi: five clashing characters alone burdened with the responsibility of tending to the rest of humanity frozen in stasis, with each character serving as a mouthpiece for a vastly different perspective and set of values about their Indigenous identity. hit or miss collection for me, but the hits hit much harder than the misses missed.

The Bandit Queens (Parini Schroff, 2023) - this book was genuinely so so hard to put down!!! the story follows a group of women in a small Indian village as they decide to start solving problems by murdering their husbands, turning to Geeta - whose widely believed to have killed her own husband years ago - for advice. the only problem is that Geeta didn't kill him, he just walked out on her. and now she's caught in a RAPIDLY tangling web of murder, blackmail, and hidden motives among women she's never let herself get close to. it's a dark comedy, to be sure, but also surprisingly heartfelt, exploring the countless factors - gender, class, caste, religion, motherhood, beauty - that keep Geeta and the other women apart as well as the forces powerful enough to pull them together. it's a book about the power of friendship and also the power of going ape shit.

Small Game (Blair Braverman, 2022) - a VERY different book from Bandit Queens on every level, but equally hard to put down! Braverman is something of a professional wilderness survivor, and decided to write a story about a similarly experienced young woman, Mara, signing up for a survival-themed reality show where everything goes wrong. one day the camera crew simply fails to show up, and everything shifts when the contestants are forced to shift from surviving for show to actually fighting for their lives. a book that's gross and tender in equal amounts; Braverman is a very good storyteller and I'm strongly looking forward to anything else she puts out.

Are You My Mother? (Alison Bechdel, 2012) - a gorgeously drawn and terrifyingly vulnerable graphic memoir. a spectacularly brave endeavor; while I would never discount the tremendous artistry of Bechdel's more well-known Fun Home, I cannot imagine the terror of writing something like this about my mother when she's still alive to read it. absolutely ruinous if you yourself have any remotely complicated feelings about your mother, I will tell you that much!!!!

The Heart Principle (Helen Hoang, 2021) - Helen Hoang is so good that I didn't even count this as my romance novel of the month; this was just a book that I sincerely wanted to read. apparently quite a few reviewers on goodreads whined about how this shouldn't qualify as a romance novel because it's too sad, to which I say those people are fucking wieners. Heart Principle gets heavy, sure, with protagonist Anna navigating the sudden illness and death of her elderly father, but at the same time she's finding happiness and new ways to be herself and having the best sex of her life with resident hottie Quan, who's been a gem of a supporting character in this series since Kiss Quotient. it gets sad as hell, for sure, but it's also a mature, touching, and sexy story of two people developing a bond that encourages them both to embrace life and grow together. also, hi, Anna finding out she's autistic is SUCH a source of joy and eventual self confidence for her and it's SO nice to read.

Out There Screaming: An Anthology of New Black Horror (ed. Jordan Peele, 2023) - listen. it's a very good short story collection, filled to the bursting with some of the best writers in the game. there are very few stinkers in the bunch, which is really impressive for a collection with so many stories. but. it very seldom felt properly... scary? spooky, creepy, mysterious, supernatural, sure. but I want to be scared!!!! fuck me up!!! Us got under my skin and scared me in a way that I still think about years later, and I was expecting something similar from an anthology edited by Jordan Peele. so on that note I would actually really strongly recommend this is you like being a little spooked but not terrified!

Kiss Her Once for Me (Alison Cochrun, 2022) - this one was the romance novel of the month, voted on by my patrons, and incidentally my patrons should go to prison. listen. this book sucks shit. god, this protagonist sucks. I know the point of this kind of story is for characters to start in a place where they're flawed and you want to see them improve as people, but Ellie is just so endlessly whiny that I don't want to see her improve, I want her to shut the fuck up and stop using her anxiety as an excuse to be wildly unpleasant to everyone else. the chemistry between the main characters was what I call the "because I said so" variety, by which I mean there was no chemistry despite the narrative insisting repeatedly that there definitely was. (incidentally, Ellie had way better chemistry with the man she was fake engaged to, meaning I was actually really rooting for the hetero option for once.) also Cochrun is apparently a huge swiftie and referenced Taylor Swift a truly unwell amount of times in this book. dismal all around.

Mammoths at the Gates (Nghi Vo, 2023) - Nghi Vo can do absolutely no wrong and is one of the authors whose new releases I will ALWAYS be showing up for. Mammoths at the Gates is the latest in the Singing Hills Cycle of novellas, and sees the cleric Chih leaving their quest for stories in order to return home to Singing Hills Abbey after years on the road. they're excited to be home, but nothing is as peaceful as they'd have hoped: an old friend has been promoted, straining their relationship, and a beloved mentor has died, creating a complication when their family come to lay claim to the body. it's a book about death in the best way, by which I mean it's very much a book about life, and I read it all in one delightful morning racing to the gentle shock of the ending.

what am I reading now?

God: A Biography (Jack Miles, 1995) - this is a book rec I scooped from Oh No Ross and Carrie and it is. such a weird reading experience, but I'm enjoying it! this God dude is nuts!

Masters of Death (Olivie Blake, 2018) - I'm not very far into this book yet, and I can't decide if the prose is fun or annoying. maybe both!

what's next: a list of books I have on hold

Patternmaster (Octavia Butler)

Laziness Does Not Exist (Devon Price)

Piñata (Leopoldo Gout)

[butch-reidentified]

> gets gender affirming surgery

> hates trans women

make it make sense

normally I try to be polite but I've had an absolutely shit day and honestly, you're fucking vacuous beyond what I previously thought possible, so fuck that.

BOTH of those are factually incorrect assertions I have extensively addressed with great detail on this blog on multiple occasions, but you sent this ask without doing even the slightest bit of informing yourself about me or my views. you could have answered your own question lmfao. again, absolutely brainless.

my bio says "got top surgery as a proud woman." y'all believe woman is a gender (I don't, for the record). so if woman is a gender, and I call myself a woman, and "top surgery" is considered gender affirming for "non-women," then what someone needs to make sense of is how on earth you think that my elective mastectomy served a "gender affirming" purpose. this is a tier of irrational stupidity that earnestly causes me to feel a deep dread for the future of the species.

I don't hate trans-identified males, and I have broken down why that narrative is straight up BS propaganda nonsense many times, and I have dived onto the nuance about this and about my feelings toward trans-identified males many times. I hate many trans-identified males I have interacted with or read the misogynistic ramblings of, but I hate them for their misogyny in exactly the same way I hate any other misogynist. I do not start out by hating them for being trans-identified. I start out giving everyone a fair chance to be a decent person (unlike y'all lmao). If it seems like I hate trans-identified males just off rip BECAUSE they're trans, either you're misinformed by your own propaganda/making assumptions OR there might be a bit of a misogyny problem in the modern trans community that causes me and many women to wind up hating a large number of trans-identified males for being misogynists, but instead of perceiving that that's what's happening, y'all will just point and screech at the evil witches bc doing the former requires a modicum of critical thinking. it's just so much easier to shout "feminazi bitch!" and call it a day, isn't it?

If you really think that there's just no possible way that other people could simply not subscribe to gender identity ideology (GII) without it coming from a place of hate, you've crossed into religion. "Atheists are inherently on Satan's side" type mindset fr. I don't subscribe to any religious faith, and actually have outright criticisms of patriarchal religion in any form it takes, but I've never heard anyone on the left claim that not sharing in religious beliefs - or even having criticisms of misogyny and other bigotry within religious spaces - means I hate everyone who does and want them all dead; I only see that from devoutly religious conservatives. Yet the narrative we're all supposed to believe without question is that you either fully subscribe to gender identity ideology - which is inherently faith-based* - or you must hate trans people; you must literally want trans people dead. [never mind the absurdity of the belief that hating something or someone inherently entails desiring its total destruction. tell me, do you want every person you've ever hated to be murdered? do you want every concept you despise, every item you personally can't stand, wiped from existence? if yes, please seek help!]

*It is inherently faith-based because the foundation of gender identity ideology is how people feel. We are required to accept a male's "I feel like a woman" as proof that he literally is a woman, and that his motives are pure must never, ever, ever be questioned - even if this male does nothing to "transition," is wildly misogynistic, openly fetishizes his perceived womanhood, and/or blatantly takes advantage of being welcomed into women's spaces.

We are required to reject material reality and the actual definition of "woman" in favor of the materially meaningless circular definition "a woman is anyone who identifies as a woman." We are not allowed to ask for clarification as to what exactly he is identifying with that indicates womanhood.

We are expected to fully accept and preach the Gospel of Gender Identity: Every person has an innate Gender Identity. If one claims not to have an innate sense of Gender Identity, that person is either a liar or simply wrong about their own internal experience (note that this is the ONLY time it is okay to question someone else's internal identity!), and we are encouraged to "correct" the individual in question. Everyone can be accurately categorized as either Cis or Trans. Not only does everyone have an innate Gender Identity, but we are born with these - but also, your gender identity can change over time or be fluid! Everyone has an innate Gender Identity, but also, gender is inherently fluid. And above all else, one's Gender Identity must absolutely NEVER be questioned no matter the circumstances.

[g0nta-g0kuhara]

Yeah idk about the student council either sorry T-T

But as for Kiyo, I think he's a great connection to both the lies/truth theme and the fiction/reality theme for like a whole lot of reasons

His talent for starters, while it's localized to be anthropology, is technically more specifically centered around folk tales. Most of his FTEs are him explaining these stories and kind of playing into the themes other anons were talking about with "lies become the truth when you believe them". A lot of his explainations have to do with the fact that folk tales are inherently tied to the reality of the people telling them. (Especially his 4th FTE, I highly reccomend that one to get a lot of this.) Folk tales and religion walk the line of fiction and reality because they are made up stories to convey the truths of life. The best example he uses is the story of Medusa, which he sites as a story about the fear of death

His murders also play into this imo because of A.) how he was found out, and B.) how he did them in the first place. A big criticism I see of him is that it was super fucking obvious who killed Tenko, and that much is true, but I think it was at least slightly intentional. Even in the trial, he relatively easily admits to Tenko's murder, while he has a whole mental breakdown before confessing to Angie's. Tenko's murder was very poorly hidden, he had the idea for a seance, he carried it out in front of everyone, he led the whole thing, everyone heard the very second Tenko died. Where with Angie, she was locked in a room, taped up to keep her from bleeding, even the way he locked the door he hid with the other effigies. (Also, to tie it into Kaede anon's argument, he used the thematic embodiment of a lie to do so.) If Kokichi couldn't pick locks, nobody would have ever found out she even died in all likelyhood. There's an additional part of the argument here if you personally interpret Kiyo's sister to be Angie's killer, but I don't, so I'll let you draw your own conclusions on that aspect

Last point before getting into uncomfortable territory, Kiyo's consistent ties to death. While Korekiyo himself says he is unafraid of death, this is not shown to be the case, at least outside of himself (which doesn't mean a whole lot as he's canonically suicidal). All his stories end up tying to death, it's implied a lot of his field work was focused around death and trying to bring his sister back to life, he developed a whole delusion because he could not properly process that she was gone. He's not afraid of dying because he is so afraid of not being with his sister, which is, in turn, a fear of death.

Going on about Kiyo's sister from now on, nothing explicit but yk

Kiyo's sister is, of course, a main focal point in this theme in terms of Kiyo's character, both in her appearance as an alter/tulpa/ghost/what have you, and how Kiyo talks about her. Going back to how she is spoken about in FTEs, it is pretty obvious to most players that this was not a healthy sibling relationship, even aside from the incest. Though not intentional, there was the constant pressure of her death looming on the horizon (see Kiyo's lies about death). He's only an anthropologist because she was. She didn't like his original uniform, so she made him a new one that she liked. He becomes so obsessed with preserving her after her death that he begins to make himself look like her, growing out his hair and wearing makeup. She loves him, but he is not her friend. This point especially, at least to me, says a lot about why Kiyo has the complex he has about her. At least through my interpretation, Kiyo's sister was the way she was because what she really wanted was human connection. She was a young girl who grew up sick, who never had friends or a boyfriend, and all she ever had was her brother. He couldn't give her what she really wanted, and now she was gone, so he copes with the idea by "sending her friends".

Even everything we know about his sister is a good example of the truth/lies theme. We only ever hear about her from Kiyo, even through his alter/tulpa/ghost/whatever. It is his interpretation of her, and he is not shown to be a very reliable narrator. She could have been much more abusive than we see her, and Kiyo's supportive voice for her is just another lie to himself to keep himself sane. Or she could have done nothing like what we assume, and Kiyo was the problem, leading her ghost to kill him the way she did. We'll never truly know which is the truth, or if Kiyo really was being 100% unbiased in his interpretation of her.

I could go on, but like. This is a lot already, sorry lmao

OHHHH I Think you had a really interesting point about Korekiyo's talent and the themes of the game... Searching for meaning through stories parallels really nicely with v3 as a whole. This is a really really good analysis of Korekiyo imo. Like, he might not be in the main group of 5 I think about when I think about characters relevant to v3's themes, but he definitely adds to it.

[crownspeaksblog]

You know what i hate, you know what makes me angry.. tiktoks of middle-eastern/muslim/arab men dancing and not just any dancing, but dancing where they move their ass, hips and whatever the fuck.

Because when men make these videos, most of the comments, hype them up and generally are positive, but when girls and women make these kinds of videos, most of the comments will be about how they don't have respect for themselves or god, most of the comments will be of people, not just men (mostly men tho) saying vile, awful and just negative shit in general! Sadly however, some girls and women get more than shitty comments.. some of them get fucking murdered for dancing on tiktok and sometimes not even for dancing.

A few months ago, where I'm from, a father bashed his 10 year old daughter's skull and killed her because she accidentally published a tiktok video.. because apparently he believes women bring shame...

Oh and by the way, this is not just a cultural thing, this is 100% religions fault! Religion has a problem with women/girls bodys, they shouldn't show it, they should cover it, fully and not accentuate it in any way shape or form! Why? Because god said so (also because men might have sinful thoughts...)

So yeah, I'll absolutely be that person who comments on these videos pointing out the double standards!