#💔self harm
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Yeah it’s canon Josie had sex with Laura.
Some more details:
With Laura being a minor and Josie an adult in her early 30s, it is statutory rape.
Laura described it as Josie seducing her (poorly) so it’s Josie who initiates pursuing the high school girl volunteer teaching her English. Not that it wouldn’t have been statutory rape if Laura had come on to Josie first, it still would have been, but this is additional context.
Source is The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer by Jennifer Lynch. Page 172, diary entry June 4 1989*
In that entry she finds the experience uncomfortable and unwanted: “the more she comes on to me the less I respect her.”
Laura specifically adds the PS:
“It makes me sick how every time I do something good I always end up — pardon the pun — getting fucked.”
And then later on Oct 10 agreed to meet Josie after 10 pm and has sex with her. She views herself as taking advantage of Josie’s desire but also doesn’t seem to want it or enjoy it much, in line with Laura using sex as self harm. Afterward Laura feels empty and angry and like she has completely lost respect for Josie.
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You can check out a text version of the diary for free using Archive.org’s “Open Library”
*years in this book are off vs the show and movie
i have the english isn't my first language excuse but also i am fundamentally a little bit stupid sometimes. all this to say did laura palmer and josie packard fuck did i read that right
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do urself and me a favor
dont follow me if you genuinely hate al haitham. dont follow me if you dislike kavetham. im gay and rlly like hthm so if you feel disgusted by this or my ramblings or when i draw kvthm or any other queer stuff, unfollow me and get well soon
#too tired to even explain what prompted this just read this and go away if anyones a homophobe/transphobe/etcetcetc#ill never understand why some ppl are like “WELL i dislike this character/ship/gay ppl in general but ill follow anw”#you dont have to like them (hthm/kvthm) but it makes no sense following me then#and if you genuinely hate them even less (especially hthm) so just go#also not liking character ships is absolutely valid and understandable but dont tell queer self shippers to stop “turning” ur favs queer#“this character is not gay stop making him gay it makes me uncomfortable as a self shipper 💔”#ah okay so im not allowed to ship myself w him bc im gay and it makes het self shippers uncomfy seeing their favs “turned” bi/gay#let ppl hc and dream its lit not harming anyone#and if harmless/queer stuff bothers you sm im sry but then it sounds like youre just an asshole#babbles#tbd
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time to gouge my eyes out and slit my throat and my wrists and basically die after seeing that cursed tweet comparing trump to satoru WHAT ARE YOU ON
#— ai rambles#jesus christ#it caused me physical pain to see that#💀#the world keeps being terrible to him 💔💔💔💔💔#tw self harm
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how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)
#sorry tumblr is like a diary to me idk what i'll do w this blog after i (sigh) inevitably move on#either way#im convinced everyone hates me again :3 but realistically no one cares about me even enough to hate me im just stupid and self centred 💔#if anything me TYPING these posts is actuvely turning people against me#again with the assumptions that people care enough to read these 😭 fhskfbhsjfkg#i hate that i care so much what people online think of me cuz irl it's like. whatever#but here there are so many cool people who i admire and would love to be friends with im always hyperparanoid of everything i do#and still i manage to overstep and come off as annoying#like obvs you're allowed to hate me even if you're someone i look up to like that's your perogative#but i hate worrying about IF anyone hates me#oughgh this is easier irl because usually people send off pretty clear signals if they dont like you#but online (esp with how prickly this fandom is) i don't know whether im being insecure and reading into things or whether people just don't#like me (which again is fine i would just rather know if anyone gets it)#i figure art is the one way i can get people to like me 💔 which sounds kinda pathetic because irl i KNOW im liked and capable!#fandom has just become such a big part of my personality that i cant detach my self worth from it#and i do love art and drawing and such i hate that even if i know people my stuff EYE dont and it doesnt mean anything or act as a signifier#of my friendships#wow .... i really am my own therapist ..... i should shut up#the industrial revolution and its consequences (jofandom)#i think these posts are half self exploration half ... almost self harm? because sometimes im so derogatory about myself on purpose in a#'you're worthless' way. but at the same time it's cathartic and i always feel better having probed at my feelings and gotten them in order#not to do a complete 180 but it's MY post and JO LONDON IN *12* DAYS!!!!!!!! AHH i'm sooo excited if it doesnt live up to my expectations i#may cry a little. and there will be another vent post from me !#sometimes i wonder if anyone actually reads these 😭#vee rambles
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Bellamy and Octavia remember one of the ways he kept her safe on the Ark
#the 100#bellamy blake#octavia blake#flashbacks#the blake siblings#🥺😭#that poor young kid#literally doing whatever it takes to protect his little sister#oof!#the100edit#t100kt#tw: blood#tw: self harm#(*breaking my own heart at 1am 💔)
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like no spn isn’t a completely unsalvageable mess that has nothing to offer a queer viewer thematically unless they start making shit up. the character you want is in there and his name is sam.
#sorry im still on this#it just really grinds my gears#im telling you guys there is no other character like him#you can’t get this type of experience (maddening and nauseating which makes it feel more real) with characters like him who are handled#with respect and care#do you want to feel like you’re self-harming by watching a tv show? then oh boy do I have a character for you 💀💀💀💀😭😭😭😭💔#im not well to be frank.
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what happened to circus lion's ear?
It is a sentient frosted animal cookie and it regularly eats pieces of itself! Its ear is the one area I have decided to show a prominent bite mark on, other ones are healed or omitted from current artworks. It is able to reach its mouth to its ear because it is a contortionist clown who follows cartoon anatomy and physics rules so it can basically stretch and fold its body in ways u couldnt even imagine 🎪
#answered#its story is going to have themes of self harm which it will be able to make progress on and recover from#self harm mention#self harm tw#i have dermatillomania 💔
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The box sat on his lap. It was dusty on the top from years of being untouched, but the weight was familiar and almost comforting.
There's such a sad love
Deep in your eyes
A kind of pale jewel
Open and closed
Within your eyes
I'll place the sky
Within your eyes
Soft music filled the room from his record player. Victory closed his eyes for a few moments just to listen. He'd taken an extra pill or two to ease his thoughts, but unfortunately, it didn't take away the itching, burning craving that had come over him.
There's such a fooled heart
Beating so fast
In search of new dreams
A love that will last
Within your heart
I'll place the moon
Within your heart
Charlie had texted him again. As much as he appreciated the gesture of checking in on him, talking to him in any capacity left him feeling hurt and hollow. Guilty. It left him guilty.
Vi opened his eyes and took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. With careful fingers, he opened the box and took a long time to just stare at the contents inside. An old journal from high-school, ticket stubs, and a straight razor that had been a gift from his father when he'd turned thirteen. Of course, he couldn't ever remember using it to shave his face.
Picking it up, he flipped it open and stared at the blade with tired eyes. A strange, sickly nostalgia filled his lungs until they ached. Victory squeezed at the handle and chewed at the inside of his cheek, his brows knitting.
As the pain sweeps through
Makes no sense for you
Every thrill is gone
Wasn't too much fun at all
But I'll be there for you
Numb and tired, Vi took it by the blade and squeezed.
As the world falls down.
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my sister has to get four shots two in each arm
I have to look away bc she cries and it physically hurts me 😭
#also they had me take like a depression test good god#answering those questions were really hard 😭#there was nothing pertaining self harm on there so that made it easier bc some questions were kinda personal#my mom wasnt allowed to see it so thats more than amazing she woul be of no help no offense mom but jfc💔
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bro does NOT know how to fight!!!!!!!!!!!!
#yea this one's a vent. again#this one is obvious if you've seen my posts today#today was an interesting day lol#i'll be okay. bare with me 💔💔💔#val does art#val's oc art#val being a pissbaby#blood tw#wounds tw#self-harm tw#<- bruises on the side of the head are self-inflicted. the rest are from fighting
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I feel like Toko gets audden urges to punch or hit herself sometimes to regulate her emotions or regain power over herself in a situation imo. It mostly just amounts to hair pulling, squeezing her wrist with white knuckles (hurts the joints in her hand more than her wrist), light repetitive slapping and biting or picking at her lip, although earlier on in her life she would be far more violent in these outburst
agree. I think she scratches/bites herself or pulls her hair as a way to let her emotions out somewhere. poor thing.
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I'm suck a disappointment. I'm ment to be getting better, I'm doing everything I can. And still I'm failing. No one cares about me or the way I feel. I can't do this anymore I can't go on like this.
I want to kms.
#its getting worse#deppressed#i feel like shit#depression x me#what the fuck#self h@rm#self h@te#self harm#fucking hell#💔#bisexual#i hate myself
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Guys those likes are insane, more than 400 omg. I’ve decided to draw a more explicit version since everyone has been so kind to repost my Griffith art earlier♥️🥺
Behold a buttcrack version of the poor self harm baby Griffith💔💧🩸
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silly me to fall in love with you , CHRIS S.
summary: love is a scary, annoying thing // you're chris's first love, and he can't believe he's gotten so lucky.
pairing: chris sturniolo × fem!reader
warnings/topics: probably a little vulgar language, mainly fluff, pet names, etc.
a/n: this is probably really bad, so bear w me😖�� also this is super short so....💔💔💔
wc: 1.7k
"i've been loved before, but right now in this moment..
...i feel more and more like i was made for you."
the breeze was gentle, the fire in front of you masking the slight cold that passed by. chris's blue fresh love hoodie fitting a size bigger than your own.
chris couldn't help stare from behind you, a smile plastered on his face that he felt would never leave. he still can't believe that you're actually real.
if his past self saw him now, younger chris would definitely try to convince himself that he didn't want to want you.
a deep blush crept onto his face as he continued his walk back from the cabin, arms filled with a box of graham crackers, a bag of marshmallows, and some skewers.
he caught a glimpse of your soft smile as he moved to set the things down on the small metal table beside your two bodies.
"hey," you whispered as if you spoke any louder you would disturb the peaceful environment.
chris turned his body from facing the table to facing you, his neon orange shirt capturing your attention before his own gaze brought you back.
the smile from earlier was still there, and now he was sure it would never go away. he still couldn't believe that any of this was real life.
"hi." he muttered, his voice sweet and matching the volume of your own.
your hands cupped his face gently, scooting closer on the bench to lean down and peck his soft, pink lips.
his hands found their way to your waist, head going to rest on your shoulder as he hugged your body closer to his.
he wanted to stay in this moment forever, just the two of you out in the forest, alone and safe from any harmful comments on the internet or even in real life.
this was everything he wanted right now in this moment.
he dreamed of this moment, and he wasn't afraid to admit it. there were other things he dreamed of, too, but those could stay in his mind a little longer.
as his head came back up to face you, you finally noticed the dark spots under his eyes, "chris, have you been sleeping?"
the brunette shrugged, a dopey smile on his face, "i mean i haven't slept since sunday, but it's alright. i was calling you, and you know i love the sound of your voice."
a small frown washed over your face as you tilted your head, thumb caressing chris's cheeks affectionately.
"you need sleep, chris." you said, guilt clearly shown in your gaze.
he bit down on his lip, his hand moving to rest on yours that was on his cheek, "hey, don't give me that look, baby,"
"my sleepless nights are better with you than those nights could ever be alone." a small smile played on your face at his comment.
your lips found his again, this time entwining in a more passionate and loving way. you were convinced he would do anything for you.
"i love you." you whispered against his lips, and chris just sighed as he kissed you again.
you wouldn't call him out on it. he'd always tell you he has commitment issues, and that if you didn't want to be with him anymore, it would be fine.
chris pulled away first, eyes finding yours again as he ran his thumb over your thigh lovingly.
his lips parted to speak, but you quickly cut him off, "it's okay. you don't have to say sorry chris, it's alright. don't say anything until you're ready,"
"i'll wait for you. always." chris squeezed your thigh gently as his smile came back.
he nodded subtly, blue eyes staying on yours as he took in your presence.
chris knew you were the one. you had to be, or else all this time you two spent building this—whatever it was—would've been for nothing.
"thank you, y/n." his face flushed just at the sound of your name, and your smile widened.
you just hummed, eyes trailing away from his own as he went to hide in the crook of your neck again.
you sat cross-legged on your brother's bed, attention focused solely on the view of the neighborhood outside his window.
nolan sat on his gaming chair, legs resting on the edge of the mattress as his eyes flicked between you and the black sheets.
"you wanna talk?" you laughed at his unexpected question, causing his own laughter to fall from his lips.
after a few moments of soft laughs, you both settled down and set your gaze on one another. his question was genuine, so you answered.
you gave him a small nod before your lips parted, crossing your arms over your chest, "i haven't slept in a week or two,"
nolan hummed, encouraging you to continue. you knew he wouldn't ever spill your secrets, they would always stay behind his closed door.
a look of concern flashed over his face for just a moment before it faded to a more subtle look, knowing that you hated when people tried to push on the topic.
"and there's so many possible reasons why, i just don't know which one it is, nol." you sighed, head falling back against his headboard.
he fixed his position in the chair, sitting up straight, "well, list them."
you bit down on your lip, fingers picking at the small hairs on your arm, "work, homework, stress. love."
as soon as the word rolled off your tongue, nolan spoke, "ding, ding, ding! it's definitely love."
your eyebrow raised as you looked at him from across the bed, "and how do you know that?"
he huffed in an exaggerated manner, and you just rolled your eyes and laughed at his actions, "how do you not know that?"
"come on, you've been talking about chris for so fucking long, y/n." he says, crossing his legs over one another on the mattress.
he was right, you couldn't keep your mouth shut about the boy. but who could blame you? he was the best guy in the world, always giving you little gifts and sending you loving texts.
chris was sweet, his personality being one of his best qualities.
"i think i might have fallen in love...
...what am i to do?"
nick was leaned against the kitchen counter, arms crossed as he listened to his brothers question.
he shrugged "show the girl that you're in love with her."
chris groaned, stomping his feet on the hardwood floor like a child as he threw his head back, "you're not helping."
nick rolled his eyes, sighing before he spoke again, "chris, love is more than just a thing you say. love is friendship, family... fuck, even hate is a form of love, or at least an imitation of it."
"you don't have to tell her that you love her until you're ready, chris. but in the meantime, you could at least show her." nick explained, "open doors for her, give her compliments. do things with her that she enjoys, try to learn stuff you know she fucks with."
chris chuckled at his brothers use of words, moving to sit atop of the counter as his legs dangled off the edge.
"she likes to paint.." the brunette muttered, and nick snapped.
chris's head instantly went up to look at his older brother, "then take her to art lessons, make it a routine that you go together each week."
the sound of footsteps caught both brothers attention, heads turning in the direction of the noise. matt stepped from down the hall, stopping as he saw his brothers.
"what's this? what, are you doing some intervention?" matt asked, confusion clear on his face as he stood at the other end of the island.
chris laughed, looking over at nick who just cracked a smile.
"chris is having a small emotional crisis, and he's come to me for help." nick says, and matt takes a seat.
"is it because of y/n? kid, anyone that has seen the way she looks at you would say the same thing i'm about to say," matt laughs, "she's head over heels for you, and you're the exact same for her."
chris huffed, running a hand through his messy hair as his thoughts traveled elsewhere. he would definitely need a haircut soon.
"that's exactly what i have been saying, matt!" nick exclaims, "thank you."
matt nods, a smirk on his face as he stretches his arms above his head.
chris jumps off the counter, going to take a seat opposite of his older brother on the island.
"it may seem simple for you guys since you've never been in a relationship, but it's really not. you guys don't get it." chris whined, dragging his hands down his face.
matt and nick share a look before the younger speaks, "then go to someone who does."
nick hums in agreement, "yeah. maybe go to the person you're having these feelings for. she's had partners before, she's had experience with those feelings."
matt puts up a finger just as chris opens his mouth to speak, and chris groans as he continues to listen to the boy beside him.
"she'll listen to you, chris. you always tell us how understanding and caring she is of your emotions, i think she's the perfect person to go to." nick says softly, moving from his spot against the counter and walking behind chris.
the older boy puts a hand on his brothers shoulder, rubbing it in an effort to comfort chris.
chris just stays silent, mind swarming with all of his thoughts and the ones that his brothers just shared.
matt and nick watch over chris intently, staying silent to give him a moment to process.
"okay," the response finally leaves his lips, and even if it's just one word, nick and matt know that chris will listen to them.
he removes his hands from his face, looking at nick before his gaze moves to matt, "thank you guys."
they both nod, smiles forming on their faces.
"we love you," matt says, his gaze soft.
chris smiles, "i love you guys, too."
tags: @cindylcuwho @adirtylittleheart
#Spotify#chris sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#nick sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo#sturniolo imagine#sturniolo x reader#the sturniolo triplets#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo tumblr#chris sturniolo fanfic#chris sturniolo fluff#matt sturniolo imagine#nick sturniolo imagine#chris sturniolo imagine
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betty
Azriel x Archeron!Reader
the 1 (part 1) | So Long, London (part 3)
mini-series masterlist | ACOTAR x reader masterlist
Story Summary: In the aftermath of your fall, your sisters stay by your side, comforting you as best they can. The Shadowsinger is lurking, hoping for a chance to apologize. Will you tell him to go fuck himself or take him as your mate once more?
Warnings: suicide mention, self harm, difficult birth, chronic pain (idk if I should tag that?), FUCK AZRIEL
Words: ~3.5k
Author's Note: So. This was supposed to be the HAPPY ending. And it kind of is. So. Yeah. I just couldn't think of a way to make it actually happy except in the way that I did. Because tbh Azriel fucked up TOO. HARD. There's honestly no way to fully come back from what he did... grrrrr. I hope you guys like it anyways, sorry that I can't deliver on some actual fluff to heal your hearts 💔 also the first bit before Feyre finds out about Reader is the same as in 'Gone'. And the final alternate ending will be out tomorrow!
18+ only pls
💙🤍💙🤍💙
Azriel quickly made his way back to Elain, doing his best to put the interaction he had just had with you behind him.
His mate.
Elain’s sister… That’s the only way he had ever thought of you.
As a human you had been… Less than average. Hard to look at.
At least in comparison to Elain.
Elain was a breath of fresh air, so lovely and innocent and so entirely unlike him.
And turned fae, she was even more breathtaking.
He had waited for her to realize how truly damaged and scarred he was, and not just on the outside. How entirely unworthy of her he was.
But she hadn’t. She had seen him, loved him, even with how broken he was on the inside.
And he had meant his words to Nesta, when he had said no one would ever compare to Elain, even his mate.
And he was right. You didn’t compare to her.
But as he reached her side and wrapped his arm around his lovely Elain, he couldn’t help but… wonder.
Had he just made a mistake in rejecting the bond so easily?
His free hand came to rub at his chest, which felt like it was being scraped with a knife, a dull, throbbing pain.
“Are you alright?” Elain’s sweet voice asked, and he tilted his head to look down at her.
“Of course, sweetheart. Join me for a dance?” He asked softly, leading her by the hand to the dance floor after she nodded, a beautiful smile gracing her lips.
The ring in his pocket, so dainty and light, felt as though it weighed a thousand pounds.
He had planned to propose to Elain tonight, present her with the beautiful ring that he had picked out just for her. But now, after your confession and the pain from a severed bond in his chest, it just didn’t feel like the time.
Only a minute into their dance, Feyre screamed in agony, all heads whipping to look at their High Lady.
“Feyre? What’s wrong?” Rhys asked, already holding Feyre in his arms.
She broke away from him a moment later, sprinting further into the House without any warning.
Rhys followed immediately after, running after his mate, and the rest of the inner circle followed quickly.
They found Feyre peering over a balcony, sobbing at whatever she saw before summoning her wings. In the next moment, Feyre was jumping over the edge, diving down towards the rocks below.
Just a few seconds later, she returned, a body clutched tightly to her chest-
You. His mate.
Feyre set you gently on the ground, her hands already glowing with healing powers. “Someone go get Madja. Now.”
Cassian took to the air as soon as she gave her command, flying in the direction of the healer’s home as the rest of them stood, watching Feyre work to heal your broken, battered body with mouths wide in disbelief.
Your other two sisters fell to the ground around you, careful not to touch you lest they cause any more damage.
“What… What happened?” Elain asked tearily. His soft, sweet Elain, tears already streaming down her face, sorrow matched by Nesta.
But Feyre… Feyre was sobbing as she worked to heal you, mending the vital organs that had been damaged in the fall.
Because you had fallen. Somehow, you had fallen over the edge of the balcony that would reach above your waist.
You were so small, so fragile.
The torn bond in his chest felt like a gaping wound, Truthteller twisting inside the muscle over and over and over as he looked at your dying body, the reality of the situation hitting him all at once.
You are his mate! He had rejected his mate!
Cassian returned with Madja in record time, who immediately set to healing the bones that were shattered into a thousand pieces.
“Everyone besides the sisters should leave now, I need to focus,” Madja said sharply, leveling a glare at Azriel himself.
He had been softly sobbing, tears cascading down his face without him even realizing.
Rhys, Cassian, Mor, and Amren all turned their eyes to Azriel, confused at the level of grief he was displaying, nearly level with your sisters.
Quickly, Azriel turned and left the balcony, making his way to another abandoned one, taking to the skies a moment later. He hoped the cold air would clear his thoughts, rid him of this feeling of regret he was holding now, after seeing you nearly dead.
But still, his heart ached with the need to see you, the need for the bond to be whole and healed again, to give it a chance.
Because now, he could see that he had made a mistake. Now that you had nearly left him in a way he hadn’t anticipated, hadn’t thought would ever happen.
Elain… Elain would be sad, of course. And he would miss her truly… It was a shame you were sisters, or he may have been able to figure out a world in which he could have the both of you to love him.
Most likely, Elain wouldn’t want a relationship with her sister’s mate, either. It would be… Cruel of them to continue on, with you still around them.
He didn’t know how he hadn’t realized that the moment you had confessed.
But there was no changing that. There was only the path forward, and that was for him to find some way to repair the bond between you, and do whatever he needed to win his mate to his side
💙🤍💙🤍💙
The first time you woke, it was to blinding pain in every inch, every cell of your body.
Without opening your eyes, your body wrenched itself to the side to wretch up whatever remained in your stomach, the movement sending more stabs of pain through you.
You weren’t awake for more than a minute before you succumbed to the pain, falling into blissful nothingness.
The second time you woke, you could hear muffled words, sounding like they were passing through several layers of cotton stuffed into your ears.
The voices sounded like your sisters, arguing in hushed voices.
Probably about what a failure you were, not even able to take your own life, even by jumping from-
A balcony.
Azriel.
Your mate.
The pain of your body was nothing to the renewed agony of the severed bond, ripped so suddenly after finally being recognized by your mate.
A scream left your lips without a thought, and your hands attempted to raise up to your chest, to attempt to soothe the pain ravaging you so thoroughly.
But they were stopped, held down by gentle hands, and two more cupped at your face, the kindness in them reminding you of only one person-
Twin.
Your eyes cracked open the slightest bit, the connection between you and Feyre giving you just enough to meet her pretty blue eyes with your dull brown ones.
“Y/N, you’re awake,” Feyre said softly, the words echoed into your mind so that you could actually hear her. “Try to stay still, sissy. We healed you as much as we could but you could still reinsure your muscles. Just stay still, I’ll get you more pain potions.”
Tears leaked out of your eyes. “Bond. Hurts,” you managed to whisper to her mentally, and her eyes widened.
One of her hands left your face, the other one curling around to lift your head and tilt a potion into your mouth, the liquid bitter but instantly easing the physical aches within you, tiredness sweeping over your senses and pulling you under.
But you could still feel the pain in your heart.
The third time you woke, the pain in your body was only a dull ache, but your hands shot up to rub at the ache in your chest.
No hands stopped you this time, but you heard three soft gasps as you moved, and after a moment you let your eyes flutter open, squeezing shut after seeing how bright it was.
“Oh, shoot,” Elain’s soft voice said, and you hear her soft footsteps and the swish of fabric before she returned. “It’s darker in here now, you should be more comfortable.”
You let your eyes open again, pleased to see there was only the dim glow of the fireplace and a few candles dotted about the room.
After a moment, you recognized that you were in the room that had been set aside for you in the River House, laying on the plush bed with your sisters huddled around it on chairs.
“What…” You started, but found yourself coughing, your dry, sore throat protesting the action. Feyre quickly offered you a glass of water, helping to raise your head and tilting the glass to spill the cool liquid down your throat.
Once you had had your fill, she set the glass back down on your bedside table, then helped you sit up against the headboard. She fussed with the pillows, making sure that you were only laying against the plush padding, then tugged the blanket up to cover your chest and shoulders.
Feyre was sniffling softly as she looked at you, her eyes gleaming with unshod tears, but her face was puffy and red so you knew she had been crying recently.
“What happened?” You asked quietly.
How did I survive?
“I- I felt you go unconscious, through our mental link. And I- I found you on-” Feyre’s voice was cut off by a sob.
Nesta sighed, to your left. But it wasn’t an angry sigh, like you were used to. Your head turned to look at her, seeing tears on her own face as well.
You couldn’t remember the last time you had seen her cry.
“She could you at the rocks below the House of Wind,” Nesta explained, her hands sneaking under the blanket and taking your left one in them, her thumbs rubbing over the back of it in a comforting manner. “You were… You were nearly gone, when we found you.”
“She and Madja saved you, but they said you might have some… Residual pain, because of the amount of damage,” Elain said softly, her own hands resting on top of the blanket over your right hand.
You blinked at the three of them, lost for words.
The pain in your chest flared again, reminding you of exactly why you were in this situation.
“I… I’m sorry for worrying you…” You whispered, guilt overtaking you as your right hand came to rub at your heart, attempting to soothe its pain, as futile as it was.
“Why are you sorry?” Nesta asked sharply, and you flinched. “I- I just meant that you have nothing to be sorry about. It’s Azriel who should be apologizing, and to you.”
Tears flooded your eyes at the mere mention of his name, and Feyre’s fingers wiped them away with a soft cloth with so much care that you began to sob.
“Oh, sissy, I’m sorry,” Feyre said, and climbed into the bed next to you, her body curling into yours like it did for so many years in that cold, run down cottage. “I’m so, so sorry,” she cooed as she rocked your body gently, joined to her back by Elain and Nesta to your left. “For what it’s worth, he realized what an… Error… He made,” Feyre said softly, but it only made you cry more.
That meant that he had hurt Elain, and that was the last thing that you wanted.
“It’s okay, Y/N, really. I don’t…” Elain paused, trying to find the right words. “I don’t want to be with my sister’s mate, especially not… Not with the circumstances. He won’t tell us exactly what happened, just that… He rejected the bond quickly, and is now searching for a way to heal it.”
Your sobs quieted at that information, your mind confused.
“What?”
“Azriel is… Attempting to make amends with you,” Nesta said, clearly angry with just the suggestion. “Though what he thinks he can do to fix it, I don’t know.”
Elain sighed. “Really, I’m sorry Y/N. If I had known he was your mate… I never would have accepted his advances.”
“It’s okay, ‘Lain. I�� I should have told him sooner, given him… An actual choice, not sprung it on him last night.”
“Starfall was a week ago, Y/N. He’s been stalking your room since we brought you here, his shadows are practically coating the door at all times. Feyre hasn’t let them in, though,” Nesta explained.
Your brow furrowed. A week? You had been out for a week?
“You needed the time to heal as much as you could. You woke up a couple of times, but it never lasted for long, your were in too much pain,” Feyre said softly, one of her hands running though your hair.
“Can… Is he… Is he waiting now?” You asked quietly, though you weren’t sure which answer you were hoping for.
Your sisters exchanged weary glances, but Elain was the one who nodded in confirmation.
“Would I be able to speak with him?”
Nesta sighed and squeezed your hand tightly. “Are you sure? I could go roast him alive instead? Save you the trouble of taking him out?”
Despite the pain still throbbing in your heart, your lips curled up at her suggestion. “No, I’ll be… Fine, Nes. I just… Need to do this.”
“Okay, we’ll tell him that he can come in. Would you like any of us to stay?” Elain asked, her eyes soft and worried.
You shook you head. “No, I think it would be better for us to talk alone.”
“If you need us, or to have him leave, just reach out for me, okay sissy?” Feyre suggested, giving you one last squeeze before she slipped from the bed.
“I will, FeyFey,” you said, giving her a soft smile in an attempt to reassure her that you were fine.
Nesta opened the door to your bedroom, shadows instantly flooding inside as she did. You could spot Azriel’s massive frame in the doorway, his wings drooped to the ground.
You heard Nesta hiss something at him, too quietly for you to hear, but the way his wings fell further and his accepting nod came across, you were certain that she had threatened to cut off important body parts if you ended up even more hurt.
Azriel entered the bedroom, his eyes cast to the ground as he stood in the center of the room. Elain left next, avoiding looking at Azriel as she did. Feyre was the last to go, leveling Azriel with a deathly cold stare. You knew that she was the most shaken up by the experience- you and your twin had always had a strong connection, almost like you could read each other’s minds, even before Feyre obtained the magic to actually do so.
She turned in the doorway, her eyes locking with yours. You smiled slightly and nodded at her.
You would be fine.
It’s not like there’s any way Azriel can hurt you more, what with the bond already destroyed in your chest.
The door snicked shut behind her, though you could still hear their heartbeats lingering in the hallway outside, ready to step in if they heard anything concerning.
“So…” You started, once the two of you had been in silence for a few minutes.
“So… I… I wanted to apologize, Y/N. I wish I could take back my cruel words, and undo the rejection of the bond. I don’t know what I was thinking, moving so quickly,” Azriel said, his voice the saddest that you had ever heard it.
Still, you didn’t say anything.
“I am so, so sorry Y/N. I want to take away your pain, I want to do anything that I can to help you. You are my mate and I have done so much wrong by you. Please, Y/N. Please give me another chance,” he begged.
And it broke you.
Your arms came out from under the blanket without you meaning to, reaching for him-
Your mate.
Your mate who was begging for your forgiveness.
Begging for you.
The broken bond in your chest ached even as his hands met yours, grasping them tightly as he kneeled on the bed before you, tears in his eyes.
“Please, let me try everything I can to repair the bond. Let me earn your trust and love, Y/N.”
You sighed and bit your lip, considering his words, the conviction with which he said them.
“Is… Is there a way to fix the bond?” You asked tentatively, squeezing his hands gently.
“There are ways, yes. They require multiple detailed rituals under the separate phases of the moon, with a priestess’s help. I… I’ve already had a priestess practice the rituals, in case you were to say yes. Of course, we’ll only start when you’re ready.”
You nodded slowly.
You could have your mate.
If you wanted.
“When can we start?”
💙🤍💙🤍💙
A month later, you and Azriel had completed the four rituals required to repair the mating bond.
The priestess had warned you that the bond would likely feel slightly hollow, not quite as strong as they normally do once accepted.
You swore to yourself that you didn’t care as you baked a blackberry cheesecake for your mating ceremony with Azriel- it was the first dessert the two of you had shared in your very first date, while you were still on bed rest after your…
Accident.
You swore to yourself that you didn’t care as you lifted a bite of the cheesecake to Azriel’s mouth as your family watched on, clapping and congratulating the two of you quickly before they winnowed out of the Town House, which Rhys and Feyre had gifted to the two of you.
You swore to yourself that you didn’t care once the mating frenzy had subsided, laying in bed at night, staring at the ceiling, hand clutching at your heart.
Phantoms pains still rang through you every day, rattling your bones. The bond was there, yes, but it had been killed and brought back to life, reanimated in your chest and torturing you in life.
You swore to yourself that you didn’t care as you slid Truthteller across your thigh in the middle of the night while Azriel slept in the next room, needing to feel a pain that was real to distract you from how much you didn’t care that the bond wasn’t whole.
You told yourself that you didn’t care that Azriel wanted you for the bond, and likely the bond alone.
The moments that made you not care were the ones where Azriel’s attentions made the bond flare to life in you, imitating the wholeness that you could have once had.
His soft kisses on your lips and sweet nothings whispered in your ears, gentle scarred hands caressing your own scars, trying to erase every pain that he had caused you.
You swore that you didn’t care as you saw his eyes linger on Elain at family dinners, convinced yourself that you didn’t see longing and lust in his hazel eyes as he took in your elder sister, finally attempting to fulfill her own bond with Lucien.
You did the same as his eyes lingered on every pretty female you passed on your walks through Velaris, wishing that he would look at you with the same heated looks he did for them.
Even as you grew with child, you promised to yourself that you didn’t care that the bond felt like it was dying in your chest, draining you of your energy.
All you had ever wanted was to have a husband and a baby, someone who would love you forever, and a sweet child to raise, to shield from the cruelty of the world.
And of course, you told yourself that you didn’t care when he came home smelling of another female, his clothes slightly out of place and hair tousled while you were on bed rest, the lingering pain from your attempt making you unable to walk on your own.
Azriel was with you during labor, and the bond between the two of you shined the brightest then, with your hand squeezing his, nearly to the point of breaking bones, as you pushed and pushed and pushed, finally rewarded with your beautiful baby girl-
The absolute copy of her father, stunning hazel eyes, thick and curly dark hair, and tiny, fluttering wings on her back.
The labor took so much out of you, the wings having torn your body open, but finally, after hours of healing from Feyre and Madja, you were given the absolute joy of holding your firstborn.
You beamed down at her, enraptured by how sweet and precious and perfect she was, her little fingers curling around one of yours.
So small. So delicate.
You knew that you would protect her with your life, with everything you had. You would never let anyone hurt her, never let anyone compare her to those around her. She would be safe, and loved, and love herself like you had never had the chance to.
So you told yourself that you didn’t care, because she was worth it.
She was worth everything.
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the 1 Taglist: @blackgirlmagicforever @historygeekqueen @angelbunny222
#betty#the 1#azriel x reader#azriel x archeron!reader#azriel x reader angst#azriel x reader fluff#kind of?#azriel#azriel shadowsinger#angst#archeron!reader#acotar#acotar fic#acotar fanfic#az x reader#az x reader angst#pregnancy#childbirth#acotar x reader#tato writes
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