#šŸ’”self harm
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sherylleescreams Ā· 1 year ago
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Yeah itā€™s canon Josie had sex with Laura.
Some more details:
With Laura being a minor and Josie an adult in her early 30s, it is statutory rape.
Laura described it as Josie seducing her (poorly) so itā€™s Josie who initiates pursuing the high school girl volunteer teaching her English. Not that it wouldnā€™t have been statutory rape if Laura had come on to Josie first, it still would have been, but this is additional context.
Source is The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer by Jennifer Lynch. Page 172, diary entry June 4 1989*
In that entry she finds the experience uncomfortable and unwanted: ā€œthe more she comes on to me the less I respect her.ā€
Laura specifically adds the PS:
ā€œIt makes me sick how every time I do something good I always end up ā€” pardon the pun ā€” getting fucked.ā€
And then later on Oct 10 agreed to meet Josie after 10 pm and has sex with her. She views herself as taking advantage of Josieā€™s desire but also doesnā€™t seem to want it or enjoy it much, in line with Laura using sex as self harm. Afterward Laura feels empty and angry and like she has completely lost respect for Josie.
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You can check out a text version of the diary for free using Archive.orgā€™s ā€œOpen Libraryā€
*years in this book are off vs the show and movie
i have the english isn't my first language excuse but also i am fundamentally a little bit stupid sometimes. all this to say did laura palmer and josie packard fuck did i read that right
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enden-k Ā· 11 months ago
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do urself and me a favor
dont follow me if you genuinely hate al haitham. dont follow me if you dislike kavetham. im gay and rlly like hthm so if you feel disgusted by this or my ramblings or when i draw kvthm or any other queer stuff, unfollow me and get well soon
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sprtruechara Ā· 16 days ago
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i really hope people like my interpretation of chara for the pb au bc if they dont im putting my neck on a saw blade
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gojoest Ā· 5 months ago
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time to gouge my eyes out and slit my throat and my wrists and basically die after seeing that cursed tweet comparing trump to satoru WHAT ARE YOU ON
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okmcintyre Ā· 2 years ago
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Bellamy and Octavia remember one of the ways he kept her safe on the Ark
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ardentpoop Ā· 4 months ago
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like no spn isnā€™t a completely unsalvageable mess that has nothing to offer a queer viewer thematically unless they start making shit up. the character you want is in there and his name is sam.
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sunshinecircusworld Ā· 1 year ago
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what happened to circus lion's ear?
It is a sentient frosted animal cookie and it regularly eats pieces of itself! Its ear is the one area I have decided to show a prominent bite mark on, other ones are healed or omitted from current artworks. It is able to reach its mouth to its ear because it is a contortionist clown who follows cartoon anatomy and physics rules so it can basically stretch and fold its body in ways u couldnt even imagine šŸŽŖ
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ivebeenmade Ā· 2 years ago
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anonbinaryweirdo Ā· 1 year ago
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my sister has to get four shots two in each arm
I have to look away bc she cries and it physically hurts me šŸ˜­
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arsen1cs4ng0 Ā· 1 year ago
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bro does NOT know how to fight!!!!!!!!!!!!
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losergirlmonologue Ā· 2 years ago
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I'm suck a disappointment. I'm ment to be getting better, I'm doing everything I can. And still I'm failing. No one cares about me or the way I feel. I can't do this anymore I can't go on like this.
I want to kms.
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cubzsafespace Ā· 5 months ago
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Guys those likes are insane, more than 400 omg. Iā€™ve decided to draw a more explicit version since everyone has been so kind to repost my Griffith art earlierā™„ļøšŸ„ŗ
Behold a buttcrack version of the poor self harm baby GriffithšŸ’”šŸ’§šŸ©ø
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tokofagkawa Ā· 10 months ago
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I feel like Toko gets audden urges to punch or hit herself sometimes to regulate her emotions or regain power over herself in a situation imo. It mostly just amounts to hair pulling, squeezing her wrist with white knuckles (hurts the joints in her hand more than her wrist), light repetitive slapping and biting or picking at her lip, although earlier on in her life she would be far more violent in these outburst
agree. I think she scratches/bites herself or pulls her hair as a way to let her emotions out somewhere. poor thing.
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chrissv4mp Ā· 7 months ago
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silly me to fall in love with you , CHRIS S.
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summary: love is a scary, annoying thing // you're chris's first love, and he can't believe he's gotten so lucky.
pairing: chris sturniolo Ɨ fem!reader
warnings/topics: probably a little vulgar language, mainly fluff, pet names, etc.
a/n: this is probably really bad, so bear w mešŸ˜–šŸ™ also this is super short so....šŸ’”šŸ’”šŸ’”
wc: 1.7k
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"i've been loved before, but right now in this moment..
...i feel more and more like i was made for you."
the breeze was gentle, the fire in front of you masking the slight cold that passed by. chris's blue fresh love hoodie fitting a size bigger than your own.
chris couldn't help stare from behind you, a smile plastered on his face that he felt would never leave. he still can't believe that you're actually real.
if his past self saw him now, younger chris would definitely try to convince himself that he didn't want to want you.
a deep blush crept onto his face as he continued his walk back from the cabin, arms filled with a box of graham crackers, a bag of marshmallows, and some skewers.
he caught a glimpse of your soft smile as he moved to set the things down on the small metal table beside your two bodies.
"hey," you whispered as if you spoke any louder you would disturb the peaceful environment.
chris turned his body from facing the table to facing you, his neon orange shirt capturing your attention before his own gaze brought you back.
the smile from earlier was still there, and now he was sure it would never go away. he still couldn't believe that any of this was real life.
"hi." he muttered, his voice sweet and matching the volume of your own.
your hands cupped his face gently, scooting closer on the bench to lean down and peck his soft, pink lips.
his hands found their way to your waist, head going to rest on your shoulder as he hugged your body closer to his.
he wanted to stay in this moment forever, just the two of you out in the forest, alone and safe from any harmful comments on the internet or even in real life.
this was everything he wanted right now in this moment.
he dreamed of this moment, and he wasn't afraid to admit it. there were other things he dreamed of, too, but those could stay in his mind a little longer.
as his head came back up to face you, you finally noticed the dark spots under his eyes, "chris, have you been sleeping?"
the brunette shrugged, a dopey smile on his face, "i mean i haven't slept since sunday, but it's alright. i was calling you, and you know i love the sound of your voice."
a small frown washed over your face as you tilted your head, thumb caressing chris's cheeks affectionately.
"you need sleep, chris." you said, guilt clearly shown in your gaze.
he bit down on his lip, his hand moving to rest on yours that was on his cheek, "hey, don't give me that look, baby,"
"my sleepless nights are better with you than those nights could ever be alone." a small smile played on your face at his comment.
your lips found his again, this time entwining in a more passionate and loving way. you were convinced he would do anything for you.
"i love you." you whispered against his lips, and chris just sighed as he kissed you again.
you wouldn't call him out on it. he'd always tell you he has commitment issues, and that if you didn't want to be with him anymore, it would be fine.
chris pulled away first, eyes finding yours again as he ran his thumb over your thigh lovingly.
his lips parted to speak, but you quickly cut him off, "it's okay. you don't have to say sorry chris, it's alright. don't say anything until you're ready,"
"i'll wait for you. always." chris squeezed your thigh gently as his smile came back.
he nodded subtly, blue eyes staying on yours as he took in your presence.
chris knew you were the one. you had to be, or else all this time you two spent building thisā€”whatever it wasā€”would've been for nothing.
"thank you, y/n." his face flushed just at the sound of your name, and your smile widened.
you just hummed, eyes trailing away from his own as he went to hide in the crook of your neck again.
you sat cross-legged on your brother's bed, attention focused solely on the view of the neighborhood outside his window.
nolan sat on his gaming chair, legs resting on the edge of the mattress as his eyes flicked between you and the black sheets.
"you wanna talk?" you laughed at his unexpected question, causing his own laughter to fall from his lips.
after a few moments of soft laughs, you both settled down and set your gaze on one another. his question was genuine, so you answered.
you gave him a small nod before your lips parted, crossing your arms over your chest, "i haven't slept in a week or two,"
nolan hummed, encouraging you to continue. you knew he wouldn't ever spill your secrets, they would always stay behind his closed door.
a look of concern flashed over his face for just a moment before it faded to a more subtle look, knowing that you hated when people tried to push on the topic.
"and there's so many possible reasons why, i just don't know which one it is, nol." you sighed, head falling back against his headboard.
he fixed his position in the chair, sitting up straight, "well, list them."
you bit down on your lip, fingers picking at the small hairs on your arm, "work, homework, stress. love."
as soon as the word rolled off your tongue, nolan spoke, "ding, ding, ding! it's definitely love."
your eyebrow raised as you looked at him from across the bed, "and how do you know that?"
he huffed in an exaggerated manner, and you just rolled your eyes and laughed at his actions, "how do you not know that?"
"come on, you've been talking about chris for so fucking long, y/n." he says, crossing his legs over one another on the mattress.
he was right, you couldn't keep your mouth shut about the boy. but who could blame you? he was the best guy in the world, always giving you little gifts and sending you loving texts.
chris was sweet, his personality being one of his best qualities.
"i think i might have fallen in love...
...what am i to do?"
nick was leaned against the kitchen counter, arms crossed as he listened to his brothers question.
he shrugged "show the girl that you're in love with her."
chris groaned, stomping his feet on the hardwood floor like a child as he threw his head back, "you're not helping."
nick rolled his eyes, sighing before he spoke again, "chris, love is more than just a thing you say. love is friendship, family... fuck, even hate is a form of love, or at least an imitation of it."
"you don't have to tell her that you love her until you're ready, chris. but in the meantime, you could at least show her." nick explained, "open doors for her, give her compliments. do things with her that she enjoys, try to learn stuff you know she fucks with."
chris chuckled at his brothers use of words, moving to sit atop of the counter as his legs dangled off the edge.
"she likes to paint.." the brunette muttered, and nick snapped.
chris's head instantly went up to look at his older brother, "then take her to art lessons, make it a routine that you go together each week."
the sound of footsteps caught both brothers attention, heads turning in the direction of the noise. matt stepped from down the hall, stopping as he saw his brothers.
"what's this? what, are you doing some intervention?" matt asked, confusion clear on his face as he stood at the other end of the island.
chris laughed, looking over at nick who just cracked a smile.
"chris is having a small emotional crisis, and he's come to me for help." nick says, and matt takes a seat.
"is it because of y/n? kid, anyone that has seen the way she looks at you would say the same thing i'm about to say," matt laughs, "she's head over heels for you, and you're the exact same for her."
chris huffed, running a hand through his messy hair as his thoughts traveled elsewhere. he would definitely need a haircut soon.
"that's exactly what i have been saying, matt!" nick exclaims, "thank you."
matt nods, a smirk on his face as he stretches his arms above his head.
chris jumps off the counter, going to take a seat opposite of his older brother on the island.
"it may seem simple for you guys since you've never been in a relationship, but it's really not. you guys don't get it." chris whined, dragging his hands down his face.
matt and nick share a look before the younger speaks, "then go to someone who does."
nick hums in agreement, "yeah. maybe go to the person you're having these feelings for. she's had partners before, she's had experience with those feelings."
matt puts up a finger just as chris opens his mouth to speak, and chris groans as he continues to listen to the boy beside him.
"she'll listen to you, chris. you always tell us how understanding and caring she is of your emotions, i think she's the perfect person to go to." nick says softly, moving from his spot against the counter and walking behind chris.
the older boy puts a hand on his brothers shoulder, rubbing it in an effort to comfort chris.
chris just stays silent, mind swarming with all of his thoughts and the ones that his brothers just shared.
matt and nick watch over chris intently, staying silent to give him a moment to process.
"okay," the response finally leaves his lips, and even if it's just one word, nick and matt know that chris will listen to them.
he removes his hands from his face, looking at nick before his gaze moves to matt, "thank you guys."
they both nod, smiles forming on their faces.
"we love you," matt says, his gaze soft.
chris smiles, "i love you guys, too."
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tags: @cindylcuwho @adirtylittleheart
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potatoplace Ā· 2 months ago
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betty
Azriel x Archeron!Reader
the 1 (part 1) | So Long, London (part 3)
mini-series masterlist | ACOTAR x reader masterlist
Story Summary: In the aftermath of your fall, your sisters stay by your side, comforting you as best they can. The Shadowsinger is lurking, hoping for a chance to apologize. Will you tell him to go fuck himself or take him as your mate once more?
Warnings: suicide mention, self harm, difficult birth, chronic pain (idk if I should tag that?), FUCK AZRIEL
Words: ~3.5k
Author's Note: So. This was supposed to be the HAPPY ending. And it kind of is. So. Yeah. I just couldn't think of a way to make it actually happy except in the way that I did. Because tbh Azriel fucked up TOO. HARD. There's honestly no way to fully come back from what he did... grrrrr. I hope you guys like it anyways, sorry that I can't deliver on some actual fluff to heal your hearts šŸ’” also the first bit before Feyre finds out about Reader is the same as in 'Gone'. And the final alternate ending will be out tomorrow!
18+ only pls
šŸ’™šŸ¤šŸ’™šŸ¤šŸ’™
Azriel quickly made his way back to Elain, doing his best to put the interaction he had just had with you behind him.
His mate.
Elainā€™s sisterā€¦ Thatā€™s the only way he had ever thought of you.
As a human you had beenā€¦ Less than average. Hard to look at.
At least in comparison to Elain.
Elain was a breath of fresh air, so lovely and innocent and so entirely unlike him.
And turned fae, she was even more breathtaking.
He had waited for her to realize how truly damaged and scarred he was, and not just on the outside. How entirely unworthy of her he was.
But she hadnā€™t. She had seen him, loved him, even with how broken he was on the inside.
And he had meant his words to Nesta, when he had said no one would ever compare to Elain, even his mate.
And he was right. You didnā€™t compare to her.
But as he reached her side and wrapped his arm around his lovely Elain, he couldnā€™t help butā€¦ wonder.
Had he just made a mistake in rejecting the bond so easily?
His free hand came to rub at his chest, which felt like it was being scraped with a knife, a dull, throbbing pain.
ā€œAre you alright?ā€ Elainā€™s sweet voice asked, and he tilted his head to look down at her.
ā€œOf course, sweetheart. Join me for a dance?ā€ He asked softly, leading her by the hand to the dance floor after she nodded, a beautiful smile gracing her lips.
The ring in his pocket, so dainty and light, felt as though it weighed a thousand pounds.
He had planned to propose to Elain tonight, present her with the beautiful ring that he had picked out just for her. But now, after your confession and the pain from a severed bond in his chest, it just didnā€™t feel like the time.
Only a minute into their dance, Feyre screamed in agony, all heads whipping to look at their High Lady.
ā€œFeyre? Whatā€™s wrong?ā€ Rhys asked, already holding Feyre in his arms.
She broke away from him a moment later, sprinting further into the House without any warning.
Rhys followed immediately after, running after his mate, and the rest of the inner circle followed quickly.
They found Feyre peering over a balcony, sobbing at whatever she saw before summoning her wings. In the next moment, Feyre was jumping over the edge, diving down towards the rocks below.
Just a few seconds later, she returned, a body clutched tightly to her chest-
You. His mate.
Feyre set you gently on the ground, her hands already glowing with healing powers. ā€œSomeone go get Madja. Now.ā€
Cassian took to the air as soon as she gave her command, flying in the direction of the healerā€™s home as the rest of them stood, watching Feyre work to heal your broken, battered body with mouths wide in disbelief.
Your other two sisters fell to the ground around you, careful not to touch you lest they cause any more damage.
ā€œWhatā€¦ What happened?ā€ Elain asked tearily. His soft, sweet Elain, tears already streaming down her face, sorrow matched by Nesta.
But Feyreā€¦ Feyre was sobbing as she worked to heal you, mending the vital organs that had been damaged in the fall.
Because you had fallen. Somehow, you had fallen over the edge of the balcony that would reach above your waist.
You were so small, so fragile.
The torn bond in his chest felt like a gaping wound, Truthteller twisting inside the muscle over and over and over as he looked at your dying body, the reality of the situation hitting him all at once.
You are his mate! He had rejected his mate!
Cassian returned with Madja in record time, who immediately set to healing the bones that were shattered into a thousand pieces.
ā€œEveryone besides the sisters should leave now, I need to focus,ā€ Madja said sharply, leveling a glare at Azriel himself.
He had been softly sobbing, tears cascading down his face without him even realizing.
Rhys, Cassian, Mor, and Amren all turned their eyes to Azriel, confused at the level of grief he was displaying, nearly level with your sisters.
Quickly, Azriel turned and left the balcony, making his way to another abandoned one, taking to the skies a moment later. He hoped the cold air would clear his thoughts, rid him of this feeling of regret he was holding now, after seeing you nearly dead.
But still, his heart ached with the need to see you, the need for the bond to be whole and healed again, to give it a chance.
Because now, he could see that he had made a mistake. Now that you had nearly left him in a way he hadnā€™t anticipated, hadnā€™t thought would ever happen.
Elainā€¦ Elain would be sad, of course. And he would miss her trulyā€¦ It was a shame you were sisters, or he may have been able to figure out a world in which he could have the both of you to love him.
Most likely, Elain wouldnā€™t want a relationship with her sisterā€™s mate, either. It would beā€¦ Cruel of them to continue on, with you still around them.
He didnā€™t know how he hadnā€™t realized that the moment you had confessed.
But there was no changing that. There was only the path forward, and that was for him to find some way to repair the bond between you, and do whatever he needed to win his mate to his side
šŸ’™šŸ¤šŸ’™šŸ¤šŸ’™
The first time you woke, it was to blinding pain in every inch, every cell of your body.
Without opening your eyes, your body wrenched itself to the side to wretch up whatever remained in your stomach, the movement sending more stabs of pain through you.
You werenā€™t awake for more than a minute before you succumbed to the pain, falling into blissful nothingness.
The second time you woke, you could hear muffled words, sounding like they were passing through several layers of cotton stuffed into your ears.
The voices sounded like your sisters, arguing in hushed voices.
Probably about what a failure you were, not even able to take your own life, even by jumping from-
A balcony.
Azriel.
Your mate.
The pain of your body was nothing to the renewed agony of the severed bond, ripped so suddenly after finally being recognized by your mate.
A scream left your lips without a thought, and your hands attempted to raise up to your chest, to attempt to soothe the pain ravaging you so thoroughly.
But they were stopped, held down by gentle hands, and two more cupped at your face, the kindness in them reminding you of only one person-
Twin.
Your eyes cracked open the slightest bit, the connection between you and Feyre giving you just enough to meet her pretty blue eyes with your dull brown ones.
ā€œY/N, youā€™re awake,ā€ Feyre said softly, the words echoed into your mind so that you could actually hear her. ā€œTry to stay still, sissy. We healed you as much as we could but you could still reinsure your muscles. Just stay still, Iā€™ll get you more pain potions.ā€
Tears leaked out of your eyes. ā€œBond. Hurts,ā€ you managed to whisper to her mentally, and her eyes widened.
One of her hands left your face, the other one curling around to lift your head and tilt a potion into your mouth, the liquid bitter but instantly easing the physical aches within you, tiredness sweeping over your senses and pulling you under.
But you could still feel the pain in your heart.
The third time you woke, the pain in your body was only a dull ache, but your hands shot up to rub at the ache in your chest.
No hands stopped you this time, but you heard three soft gasps as you moved, and after a moment you let your eyes flutter open, squeezing shut after seeing how bright it was.
ā€œOh, shoot,ā€ Elainā€™s soft voice said, and you hear her soft footsteps and the swish of fabric before she returned. ā€œItā€™s darker in here now, you should be more comfortable.ā€
You let your eyes open again, pleased to see there was only the dim glow of the fireplace and a few candles dotted about the room.
After a moment, you recognized that you were in the room that had been set aside for you in the River House, laying on the plush bed with your sisters huddled around it on chairs.
ā€œWhatā€¦ā€ You started, but found yourself coughing, your dry, sore throat protesting the action. Feyre quickly offered you a glass of water, helping to raise your head and tilting the glass to spill the cool liquid down your throat.
Once you had had your fill, she set the glass back down on your bedside table, then helped you sit up against the headboard. She fussed with the pillows, making sure that you were only laying against the plush padding, then tugged the blanket up to cover your chest and shoulders.
Feyre was sniffling softly as she looked at you, her eyes gleaming with unshod tears, but her face was puffy and red so you knew she had been crying recently.
ā€œWhat happened?ā€ You asked quietly.
How did I survive?
ā€œI- I felt you go unconscious, through our mental link. And I- I found you on-ā€ Feyreā€™s voice was cut off by a sob.
Nesta sighed, to your left. But it wasnā€™t an angry sigh, like you were used to. Your head turned to look at her, seeing tears on her own face as well.
You couldnā€™t remember the last time you had seen her cry.
ā€œShe could you at the rocks below the House of Wind,ā€ Nesta explained, her hands sneaking under the blanket and taking your left one in them, her thumbs rubbing over the back of it in a comforting manner. ā€œYou wereā€¦ You were nearly gone, when we found you.ā€
ā€œShe and Madja saved you, but they said you might have someā€¦ Residual pain, because of the amount of damage,ā€ Elain said softly, her own hands resting on top of the blanket over your right hand.
You blinked at the three of them, lost for words.
The pain in your chest flared again, reminding you of exactly why you were in this situation.
ā€œIā€¦ Iā€™m sorry for worrying youā€¦ā€ You whispered, guilt overtaking you as your right hand came to rub at your heart, attempting to soothe its pain, as futile as it was.
ā€œWhy are you sorry?ā€ Nesta asked sharply, and you flinched. ā€œI- I just meant that you have nothing to be sorry about. Itā€™s Azriel who should be apologizing, and to you.ā€
Tears flooded your eyes at the mere mention of his name, and Feyreā€™s fingers wiped them away with a soft cloth with so much care that you began to sob.
ā€œOh, sissy, Iā€™m sorry,ā€ Feyre said, and climbed into the bed next to you, her body curling into yours like it did for so many years in that cold, run down cottage. ā€œIā€™m so, so sorry,ā€ she cooed as she rocked your body gently, joined to her back by Elain and Nesta to your left. ā€œFor what itā€™s worth, he realized what anā€¦ Errorā€¦ He made,ā€ Feyre said softly, but it only made you cry more.
That meant that he had hurt Elain, and that was the last thing that you wanted.
ā€œItā€™s okay, Y/N, really. I donā€™tā€¦ā€ Elain paused, trying to find the right words. ā€œI donā€™t want to be with my sisterā€™s mate, especially notā€¦ Not with the circumstances. He wonā€™t tell us exactly what happened, just thatā€¦ He rejected the bond quickly, and is now searching for a way to heal it.ā€
Your sobs quieted at that information, your mind confused.
ā€œWhat?ā€
ā€œAzriel isā€¦ Attempting to make amends with you,ā€ Nesta said, clearly angry with just the suggestion. ā€œThough what he thinks he can do to fix it, I donā€™t know.ā€
Elain sighed. ā€œReally, Iā€™m sorry Y/N. If I had known he was your mateā€¦ I never would have accepted his advances.ā€
ā€œItā€™s okay, ā€˜Lain. Iā€¦ I should have told him sooner, given himā€¦ An actual choice, not sprung it on him last night.ā€
ā€œStarfall was a week ago, Y/N. Heā€™s been stalking your room since we brought you here, his shadows are practically coating the door at all times. Feyre hasnā€™t let them in, though,ā€ Nesta explained.
Your brow furrowed. A week? You had been out for a week?
ā€œYou needed the time to heal as much as you could. You woke up a couple of times, but it never lasted for long, your were in too much pain,ā€ Feyre said softly, one of her hands running though your hair.
ā€œCanā€¦ Is heā€¦ Is he waiting now?ā€ You asked quietly, though you werenā€™t sure which answer you were hoping for.
Your sisters exchanged weary glances, but Elain was the one who nodded in confirmation.
ā€œWould I be able to speak with him?ā€
Nesta sighed and squeezed your hand tightly. ā€œAre you sure? I could go roast him alive instead? Save you the trouble of taking him out?ā€
Despite the pain still throbbing in your heart, your lips curled up at her suggestion. ā€œNo, Iā€™ll beā€¦ Fine, Nes. I justā€¦ Need to do this.ā€
ā€œOkay, weā€™ll tell him that he can come in. Would you like any of us to stay?ā€ Elain asked, her eyes soft and worried.
You shook you head. ā€œNo, I think it would be better for us to talk alone.ā€
ā€œIf you need us, or to have him leave, just reach out for me, okay sissy?ā€ Feyre suggested, giving you one last squeeze before she slipped from the bed.
ā€œI will, FeyFey,ā€ you said, giving her a soft smile in an attempt to reassure her that you were fine.
Nesta opened the door to your bedroom, shadows instantly flooding inside as she did. You could spot Azrielā€™s massive frame in the doorway, his wings drooped to the ground.
You heard Nesta hiss something at him, too quietly for you to hear, but the way his wings fell further and his accepting nod came across, you were certain that she had threatened to cut off important body parts if you ended up even more hurt.
Azriel entered the bedroom, his eyes cast to the ground as he stood in the center of the room. Elain left next, avoiding looking at Azriel as she did. Feyre was the last to go, leveling Azriel with a deathly cold stare. You knew that she was the most shaken up by the experience- you and your twin had always had a strong connection, almost like you could read each otherā€™s minds, even before Feyre obtained the magic to actually do so.
She turned in the doorway, her eyes locking with yours. You smiled slightly and nodded at her.
You would be fine.
Itā€™s not like thereā€™s any way Azriel can hurt you more, what with the bond already destroyed in your chest.
The door snicked shut behind her, though you could still hear their heartbeats lingering in the hallway outside, ready to step in if they heard anything concerning.
ā€œSoā€¦ā€ You started, once the two of you had been in silence for a few minutes.
ā€œSoā€¦ Iā€¦ I wanted to apologize, Y/N. I wish I could take back my cruel words, and undo the rejection of the bond. I donā€™t know what I was thinking, moving so quickly,ā€ Azriel said, his voice the saddest that you had ever heard it.
Still, you didnā€™t say anything.
ā€œI am so, so sorry Y/N. I want to take away your pain, I want to do anything that I can to help you. You are my mate and I have done so much wrong by you. Please, Y/N. Please give me another chance,ā€ he begged.
And it broke you.
Your arms came out from under the blanket without you meaning to, reaching for him-
Your mate.
Your mate who was begging for your forgiveness.
Begging for you.
The broken bond in your chest ached even as his hands met yours, grasping them tightly as he kneeled on the bed before you, tears in his eyes.
ā€œPlease, let me try everything I can to repair the bond. Let me earn your trust and love, Y/N.ā€
You sighed and bit your lip, considering his words, the conviction with which he said them.
ā€œIsā€¦ Is there a way to fix the bond?ā€ You asked tentatively, squeezing his hands gently.
ā€œThere are ways, yes. They require multiple detailed rituals under the separate phases of the moon, with a priestessā€™s help. Iā€¦ Iā€™ve already had a priestess practice the rituals, in case you were to say yes. Of course, weā€™ll only start when youā€™re ready.ā€
You nodded slowly.
You could have your mate.
If you wanted.
ā€œWhen can we start?ā€
šŸ’™šŸ¤šŸ’™šŸ¤šŸ’™
A month later, you and Azriel had completed the four rituals required to repair the mating bond.
The priestess had warned you that the bond would likely feel slightly hollow, not quite as strong as they normally do once accepted.
You swore to yourself that you didnā€™t care as you baked a blackberry cheesecake for your mating ceremony with Azriel- it was the first dessert the two of you had shared in your very first date, while you were still on bed rest after yourā€¦
Accident.
You swore to yourself that you didnā€™t care as you lifted a bite of the cheesecake to Azrielā€™s mouth as your family watched on, clapping and congratulating the two of you quickly before they winnowed out of the Town House, which Rhys and Feyre had gifted to the two of you.
You swore to yourself that you didnā€™t care once the mating frenzy had subsided, laying in bed at night, staring at the ceiling, hand clutching at your heart.
Phantoms pains still rang through you every day, rattling your bones. The bond was there, yes, but it had been killed and brought back to life, reanimated in your chest and torturing you in life.
You swore to yourself that you didnā€™t care as you slid Truthteller across your thigh in the middle of the night while Azriel slept in the next room, needing to feel a pain that was real to distract you from how much you didnā€™t care that the bond wasnā€™t whole.
You told yourself that you didnā€™t care that Azriel wanted you for the bond, and likely the bond alone.
The moments that made you not care were the ones where Azrielā€™s attentions made the bond flare to life in you, imitating the wholeness that you could have once had.
His soft kisses on your lips and sweet nothings whispered in your ears, gentle scarred hands caressing your own scars, trying to erase every pain that he had caused you.
You swore that you didnā€™t care as you saw his eyes linger on Elain at family dinners, convinced yourself that you didnā€™t see longing and lust in his hazel eyes as he took in your elder sister, finally attempting to fulfill her own bond with Lucien.
You did the same as his eyes lingered on every pretty female you passed on your walks through Velaris, wishing that he would look at you with the same heated looks he did for them.
Even as you grew with child, you promised to yourself that you didnā€™t care that the bond felt like it was dying in your chest, draining you of your energy.
All you had ever wanted was to have a husband and a baby, someone who would love you forever, and a sweet child to raise, to shield from the cruelty of the world.
And of course, you told yourself that you didnā€™t care when he came home smelling of another female, his clothes slightly out of place and hair tousled while you were on bed rest, the lingering pain from your attempt making you unable to walk on your own.
Azriel was with you during labor, and the bond between the two of you shined the brightest then, with your hand squeezing his, nearly to the point of breaking bones, as you pushed and pushed and pushed, finally rewarded with your beautiful baby girl-
The absolute copy of her father, stunning hazel eyes, thick and curly dark hair, and tiny, fluttering wings on her back.
The labor took so much out of you, the wings having torn your body open, but finally, after hours of healing from Feyre and Madja, you were given the absolute joy of holding your firstborn.
You beamed down at her, enraptured by how sweet and precious and perfect she was, her little fingers curling around one of yours.
So small. So delicate.
You knew that you would protect her with your life, with everything you had. You would never let anyone hurt her, never let anyone compare her to those around her. She would be safe, and loved, and love herself like you had never had the chance to.
So you told yourself that you didnā€™t care, because she was worth it.
She was worth everything.
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elizakai Ā· 11 months ago
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I like thinking about their more canon adjacent dynamic (character wise)
MINI ANALYSIS TIME
Because while I love the soft interpretations, even WITH those letā€™s be real; thatā€™s not how theyā€™d act off the bat
Horror would be extremely judgmental (fair) and hate Dust for what he did. Heā€™d despise him and probably be very passive aggressive. Making jabs and making his disdain apparent when they have to interact. I think getting a read on Dust is also difficult and would piss Horror off. Horror is unpredictable and has a sadistic streak, if he was mad or manic and had Dust in a corner heā€™d have no qualms about manhandling the guy. (And Dust probably wouldnā€™t do much to stop him.)
Meanwhile, Dusttaleā€™s creator was asked once how Dust may feel if he met Horror, to which they said he feels bad for Horror. He likes him, sees him as someone who went through something horribly undeserved. In my mind Dust is somewhat protective of Horror.
I interpret these clashing of dynamics as Horrorā€™s just utter disdain for this guy, and Dustā€™s resigned acceptance of Horrorā€™s judgment. Heā€™d agree with him if he were to judge himself, but I think a part of him wants Horrorā€™s approval. He doesnā€™t EVER expect to get it, but Horror isā€¦.
While heā€™s seen hell, heā€™s almost a less tormented version of Dust himself. Deep down they are the same. Horror has suffered greatly, but even still hasnā€™t hit the deep end dust has, and I think heā€™d want to protect that sort of innocence heā€™s granted. One could think of it as him protecting a piece of himself he himself has already sacrificed. And wanting APPROVAL from him, wishing to be forgiven, craving that small piece of validation or understanding as he tries to reconcile with himself.
Horrorā€™s formed opinion makes sense, he agrees with it, and simply wishes he disagreed, that he could have proof of himself being a FRACTION worthy of forgiveness or understanding.
The judge in both of them has both formed an opinion of the other, and they happen to differ greatly. Horror sees Dust as an abuser and Dust sees Horror as a victim.
I like to imagine that, while reluctantly thrown into the same general vicinity, Horror would grow to be more understanding (again if we are going with a PROGRESSIVE plot line) and come to understand that, yes, he wasnā€™t WRONG, but there is nuance to the situation. They both have a very grim understanding of what itā€™s like to be trapped. I think he has the capacity to understand Dust better if he was given time. His hands arenā€™t clean after all, and he knows what itā€™s like to be forced into a situation and to feel backed into a drastic decision. He knows what itā€™s like to lose your autonomy and to feel your mind break itself under pressure.
I think the simple fact that Dust wouldnā€™t TRY to change his mind or justify himself would be part of why Horror could come to understand him. Heā€™s devestated by his actions, he is by no means a sadist.
Horror coming to understand Dust and sort of reconcile/forgive him I think would be rather BIG for Horror, especially if you factor in other situations he now has to consider. (For example, his Undyne and her drastic attempt at freeing the undergroudā€¦) reconciling his OWN arguably cruel decisions he has made with pure intentions, when he feels thereā€™s no other choice (like his Papyrus and tricking him into doing something so outside of his beliefs, to protect him)
It would also be healing for Dust to get that reconciliation with Horror because againā€¦Horrorā€™s opinion actually may MATTER.
And in the same way that Dust may see Horror as a sort of person to be protected from further harm, Horror would probably pick up on all of the VERY bad habits Dust has that (in my observation at least) are EXTREMELY similar to his own habits/past habits (isolation, obsession, deprivation, paranoia, bringing harm to self etc) and I could see him being sensitive towards those and trying to prevent it worsening (itā€™s a sore subjectšŸ’”) Horror is shown to prioritize taking care of those he cares about, even when heā€™s a bit mad, and he has the capacity to grow an understanding for someone he doesnā€™t like initially :))
I think they have potential to be VERY good for one another, Horror (while being fucked up) encourages (and maybe forces) better habits and actually has an opinion that matters to Dust, and Dust is inclined to be VERY loyal (Horror needs someone to show him loyalty.) to anyone who cares to give him the time of day, as itā€™s far beyond what heā€™d expect, and heā€™s got the sympathy/protective streak towards Horror as an actual in character detail.
And from there it would be wonderful to explore their dynamic in whatever way you like to interpret itšŸ¤«šŸ’„
I could go on but Iā€™ll stop here, if you read this all CONGRATS!!!
Share your thoughts I love it
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