#・ ˖ ✦ ⋄ . HEADCANONS ❝ dr. nefarious. ❞

[goldemas1244]

The Nefarious Polycule (so far)!

Boyfriends, best friends, and girlfriends, in that order.

Because a polycule is (sometimes?) just a friend group with extensive benefits.

Ft. Copernicus (?) Qwark, Lawrence, Lord Flint Vorselon, Ratchet and Clank (singular unit), Neffyyyyyyy, unnamed Blarg Scientist with the cool VA (thanks @protonpowered!), Elaris, Cassiopeia, and Courtney Gears!

I've had the polycule idea for a while, but thank you @the-nefarious-doctor for the conversation that prompted this!

[heart-star]

[berrycontrary]

N.Tropy & Femtropy are MLM WLW solidarity

In my hc at least dgfdg

[stcries]

back on my bullshit, so here's the nefarious headcanon post i alluded to earlier

for those who don't know, dr. nefarious is a muse i've rped for at almost six years, as i started writing him back in november of 2018 on his own single muse blog. i was 15 at the time, and the posts are rather embarrassing to look back on due to how my writing style has changed, but i still hold him dear to my heart.

these headcanons were all created when this blog was active, i'm simply transferring them over to this blog now. THIS POST IS EXTREMELY LONG, and contains ns4w headcanons, so read at your own risk.

being a robot, dr. nefarious is powered by electricity. there’s a certain mechanical part in his chest area that supplies these charges. It’s pretty much just his heart. if it were to be severely damaged or removed from his body, nefarious would technically ‘die’. he can be brought back however if he can somehow get another source that supplies him electricity or the piece is put back in his chest.

even with a electrical pump for a heart, there’s another type of energy that nefarious needs in order to function properly. oil and other such liquids acting somewhat as fuel. he usually needs a regular fill up once every few days, but sometimes daily if he’s been injured/in recovery. it’s sort of like his blood, if he loses a lot of it, he can very quickly become at risk of dying.

more so, there is yet another way for nefarious to get energy, but this one isn’t necessary for his survival. he can consume regular human foods and liquids and store them inside his body for later usage. it’s kinda like a last resort type of thing. if his electrical pump is damaged and he doesn’t have enough oil to keep himself running, then his body will begin to use up the natural energy from the food he’s been storing as fuel instead. yet his body will only do this is he has no other form of energy.

here's a diagram showing all of the information above (thanks 15 year old me) ... you'll get to the yellow + grey stuff if you read downward, trust me.

before nefarious turned into a robot, he was really sensitive behind his ears. if someone was to pet them, then there was a good chance the scientist would start purring happily. it was a commonly used method among the other galactic rangers in order to help calm him down if he was in a bad mood or overworking. somehow, nefarious purring has actually transferred over into his robot body as well. however, since he no longer has ‘ears’, there are other places that when pet will get him to purr. there are only two known areas, the small screws on the sides of his head and the long wing-like appendages on his back.

nefarious has to keep himself from getting wet from any main source of water. his body will rust up like other forms of metal, causing his joints to become stiff and make him nearly immobile. when this happens, a few drips of oil and a quick clean will set things right again, but it still doesn’t make things any more enjoyable for nef.

nefarious’s original green goblin-ish species is very low in numbers, only reaching a couple thousand at the most. this is because of an apex predator that was introduced to their planet and ended up reproducing so much that they started wiping out nefarious's species as a source of food.

neffy has tried to fix his own injuries by himself in the past without lawrence’s help. yet this usually led him to screwing it up and just making the situation worse. he knows the basics of surgery and how to perform it on other creatures, yet he can never seem to perform it correctly on himself. whilst most of the stuff he does is only basic first aid, he’ll more often than not find proper help once he’s away from the battlefield or away from prying eyes.

nsfw headcanons below.

nefarious has both male and female genitalia, both in his original form as well as robot form. it’s something his species has evolved to have due to their numbers declining in the past thousand years in an attempt to preserve themselves. his robotic body is still equipped with both genitals nowadays, but they are hidden in his pelvic area with two detachable plugs/compartments. all nefarious has to do is open one of the trap doors and tada, there they are. if I could describe what they looked like in simple terms, just imagine a glowing green tentacle as his penis and a smaller glowing green opening behind it to work as the vagina.

seeing as he has both reproductive organs, it means that nefarious is able to bear/birth children. though he’s never done it before, his system still allows for it to happen. if he was still in his organic 'squishy' form, he could be able to gestate the children to full term. however, given his robotic composition nowadays, it is likely that the embryo would have to be extracted from himself and put into an artificial womb instead. metal and wires don't exactly give much room for growth.

however, nefarious's species cannot just reproduce on the fly like others can. in order for nefarious to become pregnant, they have to have entered a sort of heat. this heat happens around every 5-6 months. it’s during this time that the species’s body releases a special chemical that attracts mates for the mating season. when nefarious's species mate during this period, it is almost certain that they will become pregnant soon afterwards.

[goodboytown]

Do you have any headcanons on what Dr. Nefarious's name might be? Does he have a first name? Is his first name just "Doctor"? Is his last name actually Nefarious? How does he sign his checks? Would marrying Nefarious make YOU a Nefarious?

haha no, i haven't really thought about it, but he definitely had a real name when he was a squishy. and it's something incredibly benign and vanilla... like... Scott. or Ben, or Nick lol... or Gerald. ask qwark, he went to school with him. what keeps me up at night is whether or not he's a real doctor...

[the-travelling-witch]

so i can’t work on my twst x pokémon au (fittingly named a twisted pokémon au) atm since i’m absolutely overwhelmed with irl stuff but i want to share this little headcanon with the attentive ones of you that catch this post

I still haven’t finalised giving each character a team but every now and then I think about it and I know a lot of people give Azul a tentacruel or octillery as a signature pokémon, and I definitely have them written down too, don’t get me wrong, but I had this stupid idea out of nowhere

Picture this: you’re fighting this super tough battle against this cunning opponent and he has all these intimidating water pokemon and you somehow get him down to his last but strongest pokémon. As you wait with bated breath for what kind of ace he will send out next, he throws his pokéball to release… quagsire, arguably one of the least nefarious water types there is (at least visually)

And basically the backstory is that Azul’s had the whooper since he was still a chubby little octopus and it was basically his first real friend who’d stick by his side and wouldn’t bully him, even trying to ‘protect’ Azul from his bullies despite being so small itself (the twins would totally find it hilarious yet strangely adorable), so Azul being the softie he is just can’t not have quagsire on his team, even if it ruins his whole reputation

Tl;dr emotional support quagsire for the business octopus

I mean quagsire isn’t a bad pokemon if you don’t put it in front of a plant (or the opponent has freeze dry), it just ruins the image Azul is trying to establish here. But I think Azul is low-key a softie and I want to believe that quagsire could be the worst mon ever and he’d find some kind of excuse to keep bringing it along (Jade and Floyd just trade knowing smirks as Azul clears his throat and pushes up his glasses)

Speaking of Jade and Floyd, they get to make fun of Azul/ quagsire but if anyone else does it, they’d better start praying to all higher powers they can think of

Imagine quagsire wearing Azul’s dorm uniform hat, being all happy and proud about it ㅠㅠ

(Also quagsire going from this stick thin little guy to a chubby bigger guy kind of parallels Azul’s insecurities if you want to read more into it than I initially considered)

Azul: Should we order dark purple or lilac decorations for Mostro Lounge… What do you think?

Quagsire: :]

Azul: You are so right, a deeper purple would compliment the tableware nicely

or maybe I’ll just give him a tentacruel anyway… though quagsire is also working his way into my heart

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[icedragonlizard]

Landia headcanons

Landia has dedicated himself to be the protector and guardian of Halcandra.

He lives in the planet's volcanic regions. He keeps the planet's sacred artifacts in the volcanic regions, as he deems it to be the safest spot for them. Unfortunately, someone made a successful theft attempt on the artifacts despite these extra safety measures, but it's only happened once, and so overall it's worked quite well.

The was a large time period where one of those artifacts, the Master Crown, was being worn by Landia at all times right up until it was knocked off of him. Thanks to his multiple heads, he had the mental fortitude to keep himself together and not succumb to the Master Crown while wearing it. The reason why he wore the Master Crown on him is because he refused give anyone else even a sliver of a chance to use it, as he knew how disastrous it could be in the wrong hands. He trusted nobody but himself to wear it.

Landia cannot talk like a person. He simply just makes animalistic dragon-like noises, as that's how he speaks. That being said, despite not being able to talk like a person, he can thoroughly understand people talking. He understands words.

His default form is the singular body with all four heads attached to it. He has the ability to split himself into four different dragons, but he only does that when it's either necessary or when he forcibly gets split.

An example of when it'd be necessary to be split is if he needs to keep watch of numerous areas at once. Otherwise, Landia usually sticks to the singular-bodied form, and he can alternate between being a singular dragon to four different dragons. His way of alternating is through sheer mental will.

Landia is generally a kind and good-spirited being that never shows any sort of malice to anyone he doesn't view as a threat or enemy. However, to beings that he does view as threats or enemies, he'll be very vicious towards. He'll be hostile and fiery towards those that he deems as threats.

The first being he ever saw as an enemy was Magolor. It started when Magolor stole the Lor Starcutter from Halcandra's volcanic regions, to which Landia did not take well to. They fought over her. Landia had the upper hand, but Magolor didn't give up the Lor, as he ran off with her in outer space. Extremely distrustful of this, Landia became extra fiercely protective of Halcandra, since he had the feeling that Magolor would come back with ill-intentions.

And, well, that did indeed happen. Although Magolor came back twice. The first time he came back, he was just showing Halcandra to his friend, Marx, which was someone he suddenly befriended sometime after first leaving Halcandra with the Lor. Magolor didn't stay for long, to which he left again. The second time he came back, however, is when he had the ill-intentions that Landia had a bad feeling about.

.... That was when Magolor set up Kirby, King Dedede, Meta Knight and Bandana Waddle Dee to beat Landia up and take the Master Crown off of him. Landia knew that Magolor was up to something nefarious, but he was surprised by just how nefarious it was. He heard Magolor's every word after he took the Master Crown, and immediately forgave the dream team as he was more than willing to team up with them to beat Magolor.

Marx told Magolor about Kirby. That's what led to RTDL happening.

After Magolor's defeat, Landia was relieved. He was relieved that the Master Crown was gone and that nobody could ever again attempt the same thing Magolor attempted. After Landia in his four-dragon form took Kirby and co back to Popstar, he returned to his one-bodied form as he returned to Halcandra. He went back to being Halcandra's protector and guardian.

He held a grudge against Magolor for a while after RTDL. He hated that manipulative wizard. The audacity of Magolor's actions left a foul taste in the dragon's four mouths. Landia held a bigger grudge against Magolor than anyone in the dream team.... even Meta Knight, the least forgiving dream teamer.

When Magolor returned to Halcandra for the first time after his defeat, Landia was unwelcoming. He attacked him on sight. Magolor attempted to apologize, though, to which Landia was unforgiving at first, but then the Lor Starcutter signified that she missed Magolor and wanted to be with him again. Landia was shocked by this.

He'd let the Lor do what she wanted, after all. Although he was pretty reluctant about it because of how mad he was at Magolor, but Magolor promised he wouldn't do anything bad ever again and would only have fun times with the Lor. He and the Lor then left Halcandra and went to settle to living in Popstar.

After that, Landia's hatred for Magolor began chipping away. He still has conflicted feelings towards the wizard and never truly forgives him, but he's accepted that Magolor is no longer the bad guy he once was. They never become friends, but Landia no longer grudges towards Magolor.

He even once decided to stop by at Popstar one time to check out Merry Magoland when he heard about its existence. It admittedly freaked Magolor at first, who thought Landia would try to attack it because of the grudge he held earlier, but that didn't happen. It was a nice visit. Landia then just went back to Halcandra after that, as he merely just wanted to check out the park for a moment, and then returned to do his own thing.

Landia just sticks to living in Halcandra, serving as its protector like it always has. In modern times, however, it's become more confident that its artifacts will be safe, since the most dangerous one (the Master Crown) is long gone. But who knows, there could be some other perpetrator that wants to steal the other artifacts, and Landia won't let that happen. Not after the disaster that happened the first time.

He hasn't met most of the dream friends. Heck, he's only ever met one of them besides Magolor and the dream team: Marx. It was back then when Magolor and Marx first became friends between Milky Way Wishes and RTDL, when Magolor first took Marx to Halcandra to show what his "origin planet" was like. The interactions that Landia had with Marx weren't friendly, considering he already saw Magolor as an enemy at the time, and Marx being his friend was also an enemy in his eyes. Although at this point he's probably forgotten about Marx.

Magolor, of course, did not hail from Halcandra. He lied when he told Marx that. He just pretended to hail from there because of how proud he was to have the Lor Starcutter in his hands during the time.

But despite rarely ever showing up in Popstar, Kirby considers Landia a friend. He was happy to see the dragon when he showed up in Magoland that one time. Landia, in return, thinks well of Kirby and appreciates him for saving the universe from Magolor that one time.

He's grateful to Kirby for destroying the dangerous Master Crown.

Thanks to that, he can continue guarding Halcandra, and with more confidence after that dangerous artifact was destroyed.

Guarding Halcandra was what he's dedicated himself to. That won't change up until the day he passes away.

[banduckoot]

We had proposal and wedding headcanons, now it's time for the next step. Can we get some headcanons of the N Team as fathers?

You sent me this ask three years ago, and now I'm finally gonna answer it, whether you like it or not!

Dr. Neo Cortex:

Cortex would be a very loving father... who unfortunately has trouble expressing that love in a healthy manner, and has abusive means of discipline at his disposal, both due to how he was raised. Like, he cares about his children immensely, and will even spoil them with presents, but you'll rarely hear him say "I love you" or "I'm so proud of you". Usually he only says those things when he's feeling particularly emotional. He loves his children because he made them himself. They are his greatest creations... unfortunately he sees them as extensions of himself rather than their own people. So heaven forbid one of his kids turns their back on him for disciplining them too hard... or trying to give them a sad backstory that makes them turn evil like him... or some other twist of fate... he will consider it an act of betrayal and disown that child, and try to replace them with someone else. But that's just because he can't handle the heartbreak of knowing he screwed up, and he will miss that child every damn day of his life, no matter how much he denies it.

Dr. Nitrus Brio:

N. Brio never really thought about having kids, but considering how many mutants he created and helped care for (and he even helped care for Nina for a little while too), he already feels like a parent even before having one of his own. In other words, he'd be a natural at it. Would he be perfect at it? Oh god, no. N. Brio has so many issues from dealing with Cortex that likely still aren't resolved, and he's going to inflict those issues onto his little one. N. Brio's partner would have to come in and prevent this. But otherwise, N. Brio would be a good caretaker who'd be quite proud of his spawn. Though if Cortex also has a kid, N. Brio is absolutely going to try and make his child bully/humiliate them, as an act of revenge against Cortex. His partner should NOT let him do this and, instead, force N. Brio to attend therapy.

Dr. N. Gin:

N. Gin would be the most well-adjusted parent on the N. Team. He would actively support them and their interests, 1000%. He'd love them unconditionally and never hurt them intentionally. However, sometimes parenting stresses him out, and since he's prone to migraines from his missile, he needs to take breaks and let his partner take over while he recovers. I... have no other thoughts about N. Gin as a parent. Sorry this was so short.

Dr. Nefarious Tropy:

N. Tropy does not care for children. Not even a little bit. He used to be a child, and he hated it. He has dealt with other children growing up, and he hated them, too. However, if his partner wanted a child, he would absolutely have one with them, and he would love that child. He would be somewhat emotionally distant, because he has no real paternal instinct, but he would still make an effort to be there for his offspring and support them to the best of his ability. However, if that kid ends up becoming anywhere near as narcissistic as their dad, Tropy may have a new rival on his hands, and needless to say, he will not like that.

[biggie-chcese]

What’d your list look like for the Robot Researcher, Akira?

alright ben ill humor you

favorite thing about them his character design

least favorite thing about them his character design

favorite line "I think I'll take a bath with it later... but then I'd have to work on waterproofing it next." <- i love this freak but also hey why the fuck weren't these toys already waterproof in a city of never ending rain

brOTP hear me out: he and mrs. furio were friends 5 years ago, coworkers in the lab who both liked to complain about dr huesca together. do you understand my vision

OTP him and ama-pal, obviously

nOTP man idk. i dont fucking care. i almost said "akira/huesca" for the bit but honestly i like the toxic yaoi potential of it all. akira tops btw

random headcanon i think he's objectum. im actually serious btw. i think he finds robots and machines particularly sexy and designed ama-pal for nefarious purposes

unpopular opinion i actually, genuinely kinda like him. the fanbase largely doesn't but i thought he was just a funny side character. silly little guy

song i associate with them this one

favorite picture of them

marshroom on him

[emy-da-flareon2]

Hello lads, it's time for a headcanon! Involving Dr Nefarious

So I have this headcanon where whatever furry person he comes across he calls them a lombax, not because he's blind, but because not only is it that he's so used to seeing Ratchet but it's also that he's that stubborn.

So here, have a meme lads

[goldemas1244]

Headcanons: Between Rift Apart and the previous game, at some point Lance and Janice ended.

It distressed Dr. Nefarious so much he spent the few years tinkering with and upgrading himself and (finally) fixing his glitch. He didn't even have the motivation to do more villainy, he just got very sad.

As for Lawrence, when this happened, he finally got some (positive!) bonding time with his boss. At some point, he found himself his own Janice and Nefarious was ECSTATIC. He was the best man and DJ btw.

[mooniety]

sometimes when i see how a lot of people interpret susie being a girlboss & still a big bad, i worry that my own interpretations may be a bit too out of character, so here's my interpretation!

i want to make her conflicted, feel constantly ostracized, naive, overly defensive, anxiety ridden, lack an understanding of modern social cues, have a witty sort of awkwardness, & waste literal days doing heavy research on how to make friends only to later realize that said research was wildly incorrect & unnecessary to a humorous degree

she's definitely intelligent, but getting 100s on all of your exams doesn't exactly equate to being the most street smart, i'd say she's the equivalent of an overly sheltered stem kid, perhaps even a madonna of some sorts - work is the only thing & friend she knows

even if she's lived in a pseudo hell for what i imagine was a majority of her life, despite the largely popular idea that she fought back with the hopes to just live another day, what if she instead hid like a coward the entire time & ate whatever scraps she could find after the persecutors finally left? after all, she didn't come back home with many physical scars, if any at all

& despite being disgustingly rich, her wealth is just a shield - classism as a form of confidence she aggressively douses herself in like gasoline to hide all of the mental trauma she's obtained over the past years, shown through an immature mindset of how wealth is spent: ugly items she purchases because it has easily recognizable luxury branding displayed all across it, stupidly big gold diamond jewelry you'll never see her wear because it goes against work policy, & expensive food & drink that is specifically popular on social media platforms when it barely fills her nor really fit her tastes

yet, she manages to hide this all, gatekeeping her true emotions with a ridiculously arrogant, nefarious crackle she's been taught through multiple encounters with others will basically guarantee her a 100% chance of escaping her current situation, fancy yet crude teases & remarks built from words she doesn't understand the true impact of, & a simple venomous smile. she's on the verge of breaking, but you wouldn't even know it.

everything about her is running away. hiding. fearing. cowering. crying. begging. rinse & repeat.

she's a liar to herself & everyone around her-- & she knows it.

she's definitely still morally ambiguous, don't get me wrong - good, heartfelt, maybe even heroic intentions, disgustingly horrible & overly grandiose ways of carrying them out, but no matter what, she's still a coward at the end of the day

she's a young girl stuck in an adult woman's body - forever stuck in the past yet forced to live in the present

she's no black swan. she's the purest, most innocent, white swan you've ever laid your eyes on. & if you've seen the swan lake, you know how it ends - a tragedy.

maybe someday she'll gain the confidence she needs to get over her fears, but for now, she's nothing but a coward that desperately clings onto her wealth as if it were a white knight in shining armor. maybe that's why a lot of people like to headcanon that she has a massive crush on meta knight. but hey, i'm guilty of that too.

anyways she's still best girl of 2024-beyond because i have a thing for villainesses, please don't ask me further about that part... ^^;

tl;dr: my headcanon for susie is not very girlboss but instead a wimpy rich chick, & i REVEL in that.

[nyxpheros]

Hi I have a very specific question for you like to answer

okay so you already know

i headcanon Dr Nefarious is a hybrid species called a Rilgarzian of a Interspecies couple of a Rilgarian and Markazian because it's been inspired by the last Dr Nefarious Ask blog

and i made his real Name as Steve Hawkins does because it's been inspired by where Zed mentioned him and said "Steve Nefarious" in the movie and name after the British theoretical physicist and cosmologist Stephen Hawking

so about the question I am about to ask you when I saw one of your Organic Dr nefarious Fanarts just found out you made Dr Nefarious own Real Name too

let me guess Dr Nefarious's name start with the N Did you meant the name Nilo and he has his own species non a hybrid

so I need to ask you where do you get the name Nilo For Dr Nefarious

You are correct!! It's indeed Nilo!!

Me and my girlfriend both bashed our heads together to find a name for him and came up with the name Nilo. It seemed to fit for him!

His own species doesn't have really a name yet but they are already threatened with extinction that it doesn't really matter eksnkddn

His species is so rare there's almost no record of it in the 'Species Worldwide' book. lol

It's my own little headcanon for him to have been given the name Nilo Andromeda. Though be careful.... he doesn't like being called that. Very triggering for him.

[generic-sonic-fan]

Please infodump about whatever Sonic headcanons you have

oh man where do I start? Let's go gameverse Sonic for this one!

My man is emotionally repressed as hell

but not in the "emotions are bad" kind of way. He's one of those "why am I feeling negative emotions right now?" and "I shouldn't be feeling upset when something bad happens or someone hurts me because it really isn't that big of a deal."

This is because he's a self-sacrificing idiot, but you already knew that or you wouldn't be here.

If you think this makes him ultra accommodating, though, you're very wrong. He is not the mom friend.

Sonic is a super independent, take-it-or-leave-it kind of guy when it comes to how he hangs out with people. He'll hang out when he wants to hang out and very rarely anything outside of that.

If one of his friends needs help or comfort, that's a different story, but if someone tries to arrange a "hangout time" with him they're going to get frustrated very quickly.

He's kind of flaky on events he's invited to for multiple reasons

One is that he genuinely forgets- he'll be three continents away, look at a clock on somebody's wall, and realize that he completely missed the event because he messed up the time zone math.

Another is that, well, he found something he'd rather do. Sorry.

The last is that his social battery has run out, and this is usually the only one he feels bad about.

Basically, if you really want Sonic to show up to something, you've got to communicate how important it is to you. Don't just send him an invitation and forget about it.

That being said, Sonic likes to learn what's important to his friends so he knows what not to miss.

He HATES it when people don't directly tell him what's wrong if he sees they're being bothered by something. Which is hilarious, given that he's the king of the "don't worry about me I'm fine" mindset.

He just wants to help, damnit! And he can't help if he doesn't know what's going on!

And oh man, he is so stubborn when it comes to almost everything. "Unstoppable force" indeed.

(his "immoveable object", of course, is Eggman. He was able to win over Knuckles and Shadow, but he hasn't cracked Eggman. Yet.)

It's a very quiet kind of stubbornness most of the time- he won't ever be mean about it and he'll only argue if it's to try and prevent some kind of nefarious scheme by the other party.

But it is rather irritating when you spend a half hour making your point only for him to go "cool story, don't agree though."

TL;DR of this post: being friends with Sonic is easy. Being close friends with Sonic is an olympic-level sport.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

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#5

What if Bella and Aro swapped places, like Aro was magically put in Bella's body in Forks and Bella is in Aro's body in Volterra (and they keep their gifts)

Well, it'd be a strange day for both of them, that's for sure.

I assume this takes place in Twilight since you don't specify here.

The Swappening

Aro wakes up a... teenage girl and a human with no coordination. Naturally, he first thinks Volterra's under siege and he's facing off against a vampire that has him tripping balls. That or he found some gifted vampire that he's forgetting about who he tested on himself and it's--a very very very convincing illusion.

The first thing he does is try to snap out of it. He slaps his newly human face, gives himself a pep talk in the mirror, and eventually he gives up and starts investigating who he's supposed to be now.

Rooting through her room with very little decency, Aro discovers that he's a roughly 5'4" American seventeen-year-old girl by the name of Bella Swan with a drivers liscence from Phoenix, Arizona, who seems to be lower middle class, lives in a temperate climate with a very densely wooded area that looks like it might be the North American Pacific Northwest.

Going downstairs he meets Charlie Swan, who is apparently this Bella's father, and on touching his hand Aro realizes why Charlie isn't freaking out that his daughter isn't his daughter yet: he barely knows the girl, hasn't seen her in eight years, and Bella suddenly decided to come live with him for unknown reasons that are now lost because Aro is not Bella.

Aro suspects something nefarious with the divorced mother, Renee, and her new husband Phil.

He's not sure how he feels about that.

Regardless, he decides that for now he'll go to this school and when Charlie Swan is at work he'll use the telephone to make a long distance call to Volterra to try to sus out if he's a) under an illusion or b) has legitimately swapped bodies with this teenage girl.

(He also muses that if he is stuck like this... They're just going to have to turn this Bella Swan and make her disappear. Aro's not sure he likes being a teenage girl, but he supposes he'll just have to get used to it.)

At least he still has his gift.

Aro goes to school, pretends to be a human teenage girl who definitely had a human teenage past (luckily for him, the citizens of Forks are easy to please), and holy god there are vampires in the cafeteria with...

Golden eyes. And the last name Cullen. And their father is a Dr. Carlisle Cullen who works in the hospital.

FORGET SCHOOL!

Bellaro never makes it to Biology as he claims a sudden stomachache, sprints out of the school (nearly tripping seventeen times) and drives to the hospital.

"CARLISLE!" Aro shouts and... Carlisle sees teenage Bella Swan, bursting into his office with a grin on her face, like it's every Christmas all at once.

"Can I help you?" Carlisle asks, very very very confused.

Aro then remembers he's now Bella Swan.

He speeds through the explanation, "Carlisle, it's me, Aro, either I'm hallucinating or I appear to have become a teenage girl named Bella Swan. Not sure which yet, BUT I HEARD YOU WERE HERE! Also, can I use your phone?"

Bellaro then touches Carlisle's hand and... After Bella then starts gushing about what Carlisle's been up to for the past three hundred years and referencing a lot of shit that happened in Volterra that no one knows about... This is Aro.

In Bella Swan's body.

What the fuck.

Carlisle asks how this even happened.

Aro shrugs, he hasn't the foggiest, weirdest day of his life so far.

THEN WHO IS IN VOLTERRA, ARO?!

"Well, given my current circumstances, probably poor Bella Swan. I imagine she's dreadfully confused right about now."

Carlisle immediately takes Aro home to call Volterra. They're put through and.... after five attempts Caius finally answers. Aro's out and he's VERY VERY BUSY. Aro then buts in, "Is Aro by any chance actually in but acting very strange and claiming to be someone by the name of Bella Swan?"

Caius says nothing.

See the full post

195 notes - Posted March 9, 2022

#4

What if bella, human, could read Edwards mind?

Well, she would have a wild time. I'm assuming that Edward can still read minds and that he can't read her mind, and that Bella can only read Edward's mind, for the sake of my sanity.

Alright, here we go.

Bella enters Forks high school, and the day goes as normal up until the Cullens enter the cafeteria. There, Bella is treated to a voice in her head (oddly melodic and pleasant sounding) rambling on about how he's in purgatory filled with mortal plebians and someone named Jasper is going to eat the entire fucking school.

Bella, needless to say, is very confused and very disturbed.

Her new lunchmates notice. Bella, what's wrong?

"Uh," Bella says as the voice in her head now seems to be dissecting her (and seems to find her overrated, mousey, and obnoxious).

Bella eventually says she has to go to the bathroom (the voice mocking her as she goes), where she huddles in a corner and wheezes into a paper bag. She calls home, telling Charlie she's sick, and spends the evening crying and hating herself for a) being a freak b) possibly going insane.

(Edward, meanwhile, doesn't share Biology with Bella Swan, has a grand old time, and thinks the new girl is highly overrated, an attention whore, and an invalid.)

The next morning Bella gathers her courage, alright, she can do this. No voices in her head today, thank you very much.

She gets to school.

There's a fucking voice in her head.

GODDAMMIT.

Bella nearly turns around right there but she's already the school freakjob who skipped her first day. If she has voices in her head--then she has voices in her head and this is just going to be the rest of her life. She endeavors not to let anyone ever know and go about her life as a normal person.

This turns out to be very hard.

First, it's very distracting having someone ramble sweet nonsense in your brain. Second, voice in the head says some seriously messed up shit.

The voice in her head appears to belong to a telepath who knows everyone else's thoughts (which means Bella gets everyone's thoughts through Edward), he seems to be a vampire? (he certainly wants to eat people and talks about 'control' a lot), and after half a day she's pretty sure voice in the head is Edward Cullen.

She looks at them in the cafeteria. She can't help but notice that even if she has a voice in her head--they don't look human. She could believe they're vampires. Of course, she might be hallucinating their appearance (she does have a voice in her head), she grills Jessica. Jessica admits they're insanely beautiful, weirdly pale, and also incestuous.

Bella--didn't know that last part. Huh. Well.

Bella's not sure she wants to attend class with man eating demons. But that would mean admitting she's a hallucinating freak. She goes to class.

She regrets everything immediately.

First, Edward stares at her like the shark in Jaws, second his thoughts have become terrifying. He's going on some weird inner monologue about his father? (the thoughts seem awfully... incestuous to be about his father) and is actively planning how to best murder the entire class to eat her while bemoaning that this is all stupid Bella's stupid delicious fault. Bella sits in her seat next to him in stark terror.

Bella somehow survives class (just barely as she now is witness to Edward's planning to lure her into the woods alone or break into her house so he can eat her). She wanders in a daze to her car and wonders if maybe, just maybe, she should go to Florida.

Well, it's a good day to die.

Bella tells Charlie that she has decided to camp out in the yard. Forever. Is it winter? Doesn't matter. She's camping out in the yard (this way, if Edward does decide to eat her, he's less likely to eat Charlie immediately after.) Charlie, who doesn't know how to deal with a daughter, throws his hands in the air and Bella now lives in a tent in the yard.

It's very cold.

Bella is shocked to learn that Edward did not kill her in her sleep that night.

She's even more shocked to learn that he's out sick the next day. (She doesn't think he's out sick). She hesitantly wonders if this means she's free.

A week later, she's not, Edward returns and per his thoughts he's decided he must reclaim his pride and face Bella Swan (his nemesis) head on. He also wants to learn what she knows in case he slipped and revealed his vampire nature in front of her (a bit late for that, Edward, Bella thinks to herself.)

Edward starts grilling her in biology. It's weird. Bella decides to give him as little information as possible (she does not need this guy knowing where her mother lives). For some reason, her answers intrigue Edward, Bella just dies inside. He still really really really wants to eat her.

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208 notes - Posted January 10, 2022

#3

What if, for some reason, let's say Bella had a Quilute ancestor at some point, Bella shifted in New Moon? Would Edward still be with her, despite the wet dog smell, just leave Forks, or eat her? (Bella gets eaten a lot on this blog)

Pfffft, oh, anon, this would have been both hilarious and awful.

Okay, so Twilight remains the same as at that point Bella did not smell. Well, she smelled, but she smelled delicious. So, we're all good.

Edward nobly leaves, Bella becomes seriously depressed, yadda yadda yadda.

Then, Bella gets sick, extremely sick, and Charlie's life gets seriously weird. His daughter has turned into a giant dog, it's like Kafka's the Metamorphosis, but with dogs. Thanks to sudden telepathy, Sam finds out about this and Billy is able to come over and have the world's most awkward conversation with Charlie.

Bella now gets the joys of running around the woods eating vampires (who exist by the way), getting oogled by teenage boys whenever she turns back with no clothes, having to chop off all her hair, and oh she might do this thing called 'imprinting' that's... let's not talk about it.

Charlie is a champ but he's very very very pissed off at whoever's ancestor had sex with someone in the werewolf line.

Bella's devastated. She's had to chop off all her hair (which gets her shit at school) she has 0 agency anymore, Jacob is staring at her naked, and she's a freak (being one of two shapeshifting women). Leah, I imagine actually takes Bella under her wing because of this and they become very close. Female solidarity (Bella is also just so very sad).

Added on top of this, Bella and Edward are over and everyone knows it. Not only did he now leave but now she can never be turned and he will look and smell disgusting to her. Just like Laurent and Victoria now look and smell disgusting.

Bella tries to tell herself she can get over this for love but Leah points out that Bella doesn't actually like Edward. Everything she lists off that she loves is how vampires look to humans, not shapeshifters. On further reflection, Bella realizes she knows next to nothing about Edward much less if she likes these things about him.

This is a horrible, devastating, blow that makes her almost grateful Edward left. SHE'LL ALWAYS HAVE HER MEMORIES.

Well, eventually Alice shows up, as thanks to being a shapeshifter, Bella has completely disappeared. Bella is once again presumed dead and... Oh dear god, Alice did not see this coming. Alice and Bella stare at each other awkwardly (Bella wants to cry because Alice smells and looks like a demon, Alice wants to cry because Bella smells like a dog and this ruins everything.)

It gets worse, Edward has decided to kill himself. This time, thanks to Bella being a werewolf, Alice can't see any way to stop him. If Carlisle has his phone on him this time around, she likely calls him to stall Aro and head to Italy. If he doesn't... Edward successfully kills himself.

Bella is even more distraught as, indirectly, she has caused Edward's death.

If he survives I imagine he comes back in a panic (as everything's terrible now and his plan didn't work out) and... Bella smells awful. Her beautiful, wonderful, torturous scent is gone. Esme thinks this is great, now it won't hurt for them to be near each other anymore and true love can win through. Better, Bella can be immortal and human! Just like Edward wanted! Isn't this great Edward!

Edward tries to pretend it's great because if it's not great then he has to admit that what he loved about Bella was her delicious smell and feminine aesthetic (gone as Bella had to chop off her hair). Unfortunately for him, Bella has admitted their relationship was superficial garbage and keeps insisting they're over. He spends Eclipse trying to win her back and convince himself he loves her new smell with increasing desperation.

However, in the background of all of this is that Aro has probably personally come to Forks to ensure this Bella girl gets turned (as Bella herself was not in Volterra and he probably had to appease Caius with 'I WILL PERSONALLY SEE TO IT') Now, on the one hand, Bella appears to be a new species that cannot be turned so there's nothing for him to do and the secret is intact he supposes, on the other hand it appears this Victoria woman has summoned an army and gone insane. The Volturi deal with the army while Aro is a fly on the wall for the Cullen melodrama that is "Will Edward and Bella Get Together or Not", which of course makes everything worse. Oddly entertaining for Aro, though, even as he finds himself having to give poor Bella Swan relationship advice.

Edward doesn't end up eating Bella (she smells terrible) but their relationship very likely doesn't work out either. Though Edward ever giving up on them is... unlikely. Bella may have to throw him off a cliff somewhere shouting "I LOVE YOU!" while sobbing.

265 notes - Posted January 6, 2022

#2

Why does Edward hate the Volturi so much? I mean pre-New Moon. He’s never met them, Carlisle has personally spent time with them and while he disapproves of their drinking human blood, he hasn’t painted them as warlords (that’s just Caius). He might have heard about Tanya’s mother, but after learning about the immortal child, that execution makes sense. Every point Edward has against them is either wildly exaggerated or false, and I don’t get the hate before NM especially.

A few reasons.

Carlisle Had a Life and Friends Before Edward

Carlisle lived several hundred years before he turned Edward. Yet, Edward, in his tale of Carlisle's life skips over nearly all of them. There's Carlisle finding the diet, he pursues and education, then suddenly we're in America and he's turning Edward.

Except, even Edward can't write off the Volturi.

There is a painting of them in his house, they are so important Edward relates them in the story to Bella. He downplays it as much as he can, Carlisle didn't stay long (twenty years), they were friends but the major ideological difference got in the way, etc. However, Edward can't leave them out.

This bothers him immensely.

He hates that painting, he hates the idea that the coven as it is didn't always exist, that there was a Carlisle he didn't know who had very close friends he lived with. Close friends who were not on the diet.

This profoundly disturbed and bothers Edward.

They're Not on the Diet and Edward Hates All Vampires

To Edward, vampires not on the diet are akin to Voldemort. They are inherently wicked beings who are driven by evil. While some are friends and Edward admits as much it's always with the feeling that they are lesser beings. They have no true ability to understand friendship, to form relationships with one another, and the Cullens and Denali are inherently better because of their diet.

The Volturi may be cultured patrons of the arts but they are not on the diet and have no intention of pursuing it. This in a way makes them worse as they pretend to be cultured, lovers of humanity when really they're just as soulless as all other vampires.

(And we'll skip over the portion where Edward left to eat people for years on his own telling Carlisle he wasn't the boss of him and doing it solely because he was curious what spectacular food he was missing out on.)

Does Edward Hate Them Pre-New Moon?

Not really.

I'd say he mildly respects them.

Oh, their existence bothers him and their law really bothers him when it means he'll have to either turn or murder Bella. However, he respects them.

Of the vampires who are Carlisle's friends he seems to view them as the most cultured, civilized, and dignified.

Again, he's not their biggest fan when it comes to what this means about Bella and when the law gets in his way, but he uses very mild language when explaining their role to Bella and he's relatively neutral when discussing them.

Remember that, when he wishes to kill himself, they are where he plans to go. He wants a noble, virtuous, death at the hands of these rulers.

The hatred comes in when they say no.

Edward hadn't planned on that.

Then, later, Bella is alive and suddenly they are A THREAT. They demand Bella be turned, the worst thing in the world, and suddenly Alice herself may be in danger.

I'd say Edward's hatred cements itself/comes into being in New Moon when suddenly the Volturi become far more than just a distant concept to Edward but instead the obstacle standing in the way of everything he wants.

If there were no Volturi then there would have been no need to turn Bella into a vampire, after all.

324 notes - Posted February 15, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Omfg!! Ffn is closing?? Where did you hear this? I don’t see anyone else talking about this!!

Okay, calm down people.

I didn't hear it from anybody. There's no official word. HOWEVER, I've seen the signs and the signs aren't good.

All Hints of Moderation Have Ceased

There used to be a pretty rigorous team of moderators who ran the site but it's noted (and not just by me) that for a while they haven't seemed as responsive if they've been responsive at all.

Fics that would have been pulled in a heartbeat stay up. Spam bots do seem to have taken over PMs.

Their Authentication Server's Been Wonky

The authentication server has sometimes been entirely non-functional for users. In my case, fanfiction has kept me logged in for an eeriely long time, far longer than it ever used to.

Their Email Server's Been Black Listed

Their email server has been black listed by a prominent email provider (i.e. mine). I'm not talking sent to junk, I'm talking it will not send to the inbox as in it has been straight up black listed. Their solution to this is to tell me, the user, to white list their email rather than improve their reputation.

This is a terrible solution and a sign that things are not good.

Rather Than Pay for More Servers They Use Cloud Flare

It's probably been noticed by everyone that they're employing DDOS protection via cloudflare. Well, that's nice and all, except that it's slow, clunky, and annoying. It's not a good user experience and the more expensive but good option would be to up the number of servers they have or use a more seamless DDOS protection solution.

This is a sign they're not willing to spend the money for the good stuff.

The Proliferation of Ads

Fanfiction is now riddled with ads when not using ad block. It's ads every few paragraphs, completely breaking up a story. It's utterl illegible. To me this reeks of trying to wring out every last cent out of viewership without putting in effort of attracting people.

They know people are leaving so they've stopped trying at all.

They Didn't Renew Their Cert

Now, this I heard from somebody else but this IS THE SIGN. They didn't renew the cert for their website. Now, it expires in several years, but when it does you will no longer be able to traverse safely to the site and it may not even exist.

What Does All This Mean?

Is fanfiction going down today or tomorrow?

No.

But it means that if the email server fails... they might not fix it. If the authentication server fails... they might not fix it. If one of their databases fails and they have no backup... those fics might be gone.

It means that access could be lost, certainly for me as an author, with no warning and I may not get it back.

2,304 notes - Posted August 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[stcries]

thanks to my late night shenanigans, i have hella ratchet and clank brainrot this morning, so i am here to share my headcanons. i'll make two seperate posts for each muse given how long this post would get otherwise.

and we're starting with the newest addition, clank.

he sleeps in his backpack form. given that he's robotic, he doesn't need a proper bed of his own, so he simply chooses to sleep on ratchet's beside table or something similar. he doesn't take up much space.

has a liking for classical music. i also believe he can probably play an instrument or two? at the very least, he can play the piano, he's self taught as well.

even though he doesn't need to eat or drink, clank knows how to cook really well. this is because of him wanting to make sure ratchet is eating enough and isn't overworking himself whilst tinkering with machines and what not. his food is really nutritious.

that being said, clank can still eat if he wants to. this is similar to my headcanon about dr. nefarious, where he has special internal parts where he can convert food into oils and then use that to power his body. however, nefarious's system is more complex given he was an organic being before his transformation, which means clank's internal system is much simpler. this means he can only consume select things and in smaller amounts to not risk damage.