#➥ cornelius. ╱ verse i.

[hacash]

Hickey turns up in the afterlife and the first thing he sees is Tozer, Hodgson and the rest of the mutineers standing around tapping baseball bats and lengths of lead piping into their hands in a very meaningful way.

[neverendingparable]

🌵✨SUDDEN ANON MAGIC!✨🌵 JONATHAN SWITCHES SPECIES WITH DEIMOS, LASTS FOR [put_ur_fave_amount_of_hours_here]

Dad!Jon feels a strange tingling as he leaves the cat room, having just finished cleaning and feeding all the cats. It's odd and he briefly wonders if all that cat hair is going to make him sneeze.

In the Lounge, there's Cry and Marcel, half watching TV and drinking tea together. Both of them are chatting idly but it's...odd. They're not talking to each other, and their voices overlap, like they're not listening or-

Jon stares blankly as he realizes none of their lips are moving. He's not hearing their voices, is he?

Cry glances over when he hears Jon enter the room - and then stares right back.

What the fuck! Jon hears him think.

"What the fuck!" Cry says out loud.

"What?" Jon returns, now feeling a little panicked. His voice doesn't sound quite right either, his tongue is odd around the words like what he's saying is not English. It's softer than that - is it French? Is he speaking French?

"You- you're an alien!" Wait no he's always been an alien- but now he's a weird alien??

"What do you mean, weird alien?"

"Jon-" Marcel has turned around now too. Is that some kind of skin condition? Why is he so small all of the sudden? Was he always floating?

"Go look in the mirror."

[ourbite-moved]

something softens in his features, a kindness that seeps into his eyes, an understanding. cornelius could recognize the weight to the words and understand the pain behind them. losing someone so dear.. it was an ache that the lich wished he could take from ashen, or at the very least help alleviate. while cornelius could not imagine himself visiting his dear agathe's grave, he also had the freedom to do so whenever he wanted.

he takes the steps needed to join ashen at his desk and finally drops his hands from their place behind his back to place one hand on the cleric's shoulder, silent in his support. he looks expectant then, as if ashen's words themselves have sealed their fate. " well then, I say that decides it. we best get planning." and then a bit more playful, " we successfully saved the world, I'm certain sneaking into a whole city will be a considerably less difficult."

At Cornelius' suggestion, Ashen offered a small smile, conscious of the contradiction in his decision. "You know... you would be right. Maybe it's best kept out of sight. But it's not like I can forget it. To me, it serves as a reminder that looks may not be what they seem." He sighed, gesturing vaguely towards the framed letter. "Elturel was the most righteous city to be found this side of the Sword Coast, law, order and justice were its motto. But it cast me away like a criminal in thanks for my service. In doing so they have behaved in a worse manner than many truly evil opponents I have met, who at least respected my might in battle."

Perhaps this explained his fast acceptance of Cornelius' lich form. A terrifying form, certainly, but he knew that beneath was his friend, his dear friend, and that underneath some handsome paladins' armours laid the seed of something more terrible than any lich.

The next question seemed to surprise him, as if he had never considered it. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He had considered it, sometimes. But like one considers a far-away dream, something out of the realm of possibilities. He looked away for a brief moment, gathering his thoughts, his conflicted feelings.

"Elturel does not want me back. I would feel terrible returning to a place where I am unwanted. But..."

That 'but' hung in the air, longer than what was comfortable.

"Years ago, I took up a shovel among the gravestones of Elturel, and there I buried Rheighar, my best friend." The end of his sentence seemed to catch on his tongue. He had mentioned him before, but it was obvious, even then, that there was more to it.

"No. No, that's not right. We were lovers. At least, I loved him. I don't know if he ever..."

He could not continue any further without losing his words. He switched to another thought instead.

"I would like to visit him. One last time. I did not get closure... ever since he died fighting in Elturel."

There was something deeply changed in his voice. He had told Cornelius many terrible stories of Avernus before, but never like this. It was not just another story of death - it was his breaking point. The single moment of his life where everything went downhill - the last strike that broke his weary soul, that made him question whether there was anything left to live for.

[april-is]

April 14, 2024: The Wordsworth Effect, Joyce Sutphen

The Wordsworth Effect Joyce Sutphen

Is when you return to a place and it's not nearly as amazing as you once thought it was,

or when you remember how you felt about something (or someone) but you know you'll never feel that way again.

It's when you notice someone has turned down the volume, and you realize it was you; when you have the

suspicion that you've met the enemy and you are it, or when you get your best ideas from your sister's journal.

Is also-to be fair-the thing that enables you to walk for miles and miles chanting to yourself in iambic pentameter

and to travel through Europe with only a clean shirt, a change of underwear, a notebook and a pen.

And yes: is when you stretch out on your couch and summon up ten thousand daffodils, all dancing in the breeze.

--

Also: Dorothy Wordsworth, Jennifer Chang

Another by Joyce Sutphen: Living in the Body

Today in:

2023: Spring Poem, Colleen O’Connor 2022: Red, Mary Ruefle 2021: Bathing, Allison Seay 2020: A Small Moment, Cornelius Eady 2019: You Meet Someone and Later You Meet Their Dancing and You Have to Start Again, David Welch 2018: Henry Clay’s Mouth, Thomas Lux 2017: When Your Small Form Tumbled into Me, Tracy K. Smith 2016: Eve Recollecting the Garden, Grace Bauer 2015: from I Love A Broad Margin To My Life, Maxine Hong Kingston 2014: Gift, Czeslaw Milosz 2013: This Be The Verse, Philip Larkin 2012: We Did Not Make Ourselves, Michael Dickman 2011: Happiness (3), Jean Valentine 2010: When I Think, Jeanne Marie Beaumont 2009: The Poem, Franz Wright 2008: Morning Poem, Robin Becker 2007: Supple Cord, Naomi Shihab Nye 2006: Wish For a Young Wife, Theodore Roethke 2005: The Benjamin Franklin of Monogamy, Jeffrey McDaniel

[pjunicornart]

Symptoms of Me (vent post... kinda)

So, my mental health has been kicking my ass as of late. I haven't been feeling the best, and lately I've been beat to shit by my autistic symptoms.

So how did I vent? With Meet the Robinsons, of course. Because I feel so connected to Lewis/Cornelius, I headcanon that he experiences my symptoms as well.

I drew Neil displaying how my symptoms/trauma manifests. They're all just little doodles. I think it's important for people to see from multiple perspectives when it comes to mental health (especially neurodivergency) because everyone's symptoms manifest differently. I've wanted to make a post like this for a while, so... here you go.

This is me. (cw: brief mentions of trauma/abusive relationships)

I space out a lot. Often times I'll get lost in my daydreams, so much so that hours could pass by and I wouldn't have a clue. This happens a lot, actually. It's the reason why I'm only able to get one artwork done a day, because I constantly space out. Another little symptom displayed here is my fidgeting. As I write this post I am bouncing my leg.

Wanna know a physical sign of autism? Toe walking! I do this a lot. I do it because carpets and hardwood floors feel weird to walk on. If I don't have my house shoes or socks on, I'll toe walk everywhere.

Music is how I connect with the world. That's why I get inspired by music so often. Since I can't formulate my words on the topic of my feelings, music is how I do that. Music helps me understand myself by putting complex things I don't understand into simple to sing along to verses.

On the topic of music, it gets stuck in my head. Easily. I can put a song on loop for five hours straight and I would never get bored of it. When I go to bed, the song will play in my head, and I'll get excited because I can listen to it again in the morning. Because songs get stuck in my head so often, I would mumble under my breath the lyrics as a tick. The same could be said for my ticks in general. Small phrases or words will repeat in my head over and over again, and I'll say them aloud. Recently, "he's tired" has been on repeat for me. I don't know why.

Wanna know ANOTHER physical sign of autism? Frequent constipation/irregular and incomplete bowel movements. I am definitely guilty of this. I've been taking fiber gummies, but it's only helped a little bit. I still go over a week without going number two. This might be a bit TMI, but this is one reason why it was super difficult for my parents to potty train me. It would hurt to go, and therefore I wouldn't wanna do it. My parents weren't particularly... nice, about potty training me. I have trauma from it. Speaking of...

Because of trauma, I HATE using toilets. This kind of ties into my age regression as a coping mechanism a bit. For multiple reasons, I wish I had a better childhood. So, I regress to a mental space where I'm a happy kid. If I'm being honest? There are some days where I wish I could just go in a plastic potty and not use the toilet. Because of the trauma from potty training, yes, but also because they're loud. Loud noises suck.

Emotions? I don't understand them. To me, it's just noise. I see no reason for them, and I hate them. But it's only because I don't understand them, and this includes my own emotions. There are times where I'm crying, and I have no idea why I'm crying. I'll tell myself there's no need for me to cry here, and I'd curse myself for being "weak", when I'm just being human. I'd judge others for getting angry, because to me, it's so easy to just suppress everything and look at things logically. I had to teach myself empathy recently, because I didn't get it when I was younger.

I freeze when I'm in conflict. I remember everytime I'd get in trouble with my dad (he was emotionally abusive), I'd just sit there and cry, with the words stuck in my throat. I couldn't get them out, no matter how hard I tried. He'd yell at me and tell me to talk, and it would frustrate him when I wouldn't listen to him, and he'd just tell me off more. He didn't realize I was shutting down due to my autism (which was undiagnosed at the time - and still is because the American healthcare system sucks). It was hell. To this day, if I'm ever in a conflict, the words get stuck in my throat.

In general, my relationship with food is negative. I avoid certain foods like the plague because they trigger my very sensitive gag reflex. Most of the time it's a texture issue. That's why I have my comfort foods. They textures and tastes are perfect! You'll notice that they're mostly warm foods. These foods warm me up in a way I really like; It's a pleasant feeling. Box mac n' cheese is my all time favorite comfort food, too. I like it a specific way: It has to be the Kraft brand with the spiral pasta, and I like it with a little bit of extra milk. It makes it creamier. By the way, I don't know why I drew that burger with cheese, because I actually like my burgers plain. Just burger and bun (same with hot dogs).

I'll be okay. Just going through a rough patch right now. I have a new AU idea for MtR that I'll explain. Eventually.

[absolute-immunities]

triggered by the Amars calling succession to the Presidency by Cabinet officers, rather than the House Speaker, “apostolic succession”

the succession to Rome is by election of the College of Cardinals??? it doesn’t just go to the favorite of the last Pontifex???

sure, Christ picked the Apostles, and the Apostles picked the bishops for particular seats, cf. Tertull. Praescr. Haer. 32; Iren. Adv. Haer. 3.3.1, but ever since the proper succession to any particular seat has been by election

see, e.g., Jerome, Dialogue Against the Luciferians, ch. 11 (translated by Peter Norton, Episcopal Elections, 250–600: Hierarchy and Popular Will in Late Antiquity (Oxford, 2007), 5):

The truth is, the men who are elected to the episcopate come from the bosom of Plato and Aristophanes. How many can you find among them who are not fully versed in these writers? Indeed everyone, whoever he may be, is ordained at the present day from among the literate class and makes it his study not how to seek out the marrow of Scripture, but how to tickle the ears of the people with the flowers of rhetoric.

Cyprian, Ep. 55.8.4 (Norton 13):

Cornelius was made bishop by the judgment of God and his Christ; by the testimony of almost all the clergy; by the vote of all the people who were present [de plebis quae tunc adfuit suffragio], and by the committee of senior bishops and good men.

cf. Cyprian, Ep. 67.3 (Norton 15):

the people definitely has the power either to choose worthy bishops or to reject unworthy ones [quando ipsa <plebs> maxime habeat potestatem vel eligendi dignos sacerdotes vel indignos recusandi]

Ambrose, Ep. 63.2 (Norton 13):

rightly it is believed that he whom all have asked for [as bishop] is chosen by the judgment of God [merito creditum quod divino esset electus iudicio, quem omnes postulavissent]

Apostolic Constitutions 8.4.2 (Norton 24):

and so, I, Peter say that a bishop to be ordained is to be, as we have all already commanded, without blame in all respects; a chosen person, picked by the whole people; and when he is named and approved, let the people assemble, with the presbyters and bishops that are present, on the Lord’s day; and let them give their consent. And let the principal of the bishops ask the presbytery and people whether this is the person whom they desire as their ruler.

And if they agree, let the bishop ask further whether he has a good testimony from all men as to his worthiness for such a great and glorious authority; whether all things relating to his piety towards God be right; whether justice towards men has been observed by him; whether the affairs of his family have been well-managed by him; whether he has been irreproachable in the course of his life.

And if all the assembly together act according to truth, and not according to prejudice, and witness that he is such a one, let them the third time, as before God the Judge, and Christ, the Holy Ghost being also present, as well as all the holy and ministering spirits, ask again whether he be truly worthy of this ministry, so that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

And if they agree the third time that he is worthy, let all be asked for their vote; and when they all give it willingly, let them be heard.

And then, after order has been called, being made, let one of the principal bishops, together with two others, stand near together, the rest of the bishops and presbyters praying silently, and the deacons holding the divine Gospels open upon the head of him that is to be ordained.

Leo, Ep. 10.6 (Norton 38):

Let he who is to be in charge of everybody be chosen by everybody. [Qui praefuturus omnibus est, ab omnibus eligatur.]

Leo, Ep. 14.5 (Norton 43):

When it comes to the choice of a bishop, let him be installed whom with harmonious agreement the clergy and people have requested; and where the votes of the parties are split among diVerent candidates, the future bishop will be he who, in the metropolitan’s judgment, is more deserving and has greater support, so that no bishop is ordained to those who do not want him or who have not requested him; and so no city which is not allowed to have the bishop it wanted will either despise or hate an unwanted bishop, and become less pious than is proper.

[Cum ergo de summi sacerdotis electione tractabitur, ille omnibus praeponatur quem cleri plebisque consensus concorditer postularit; ita ut si in aliam forte personam partium se vota diviserit, metropolitani iudicio praefuturus qui majoribus et studiis iuvatur et meritis: tantum ut nullus invitis et non petentibus ordinetur, ne civitas episcopum non optatum aut contemnerit aut oderit; et fiat minus religiosa quam convenit, cui non licuerit habere quem voluit.]

Cod. Iust. 1.3.41 (Norton 34):

with this law we ordain that whenever in any city there should be a vacancy for the bishop’s throne, the inhabitants should make a resolution concerning three candidates, men of sound faith and pious habits . . . so that from these the most suitable might be promoted to the bishopric.

apparently Gratian helped kill the tradition by mangling a letter from Pope Celestine, dated 428. see Kenneth Pennington, The Golden Age of Episcopal Elections, 1100–1300, 35 Bull. Medieval Canon L. 243 (2017)

Celestine’s letter originally read:

No bishop should be given to an unwilling flock. The consent and desires of the clergy, laymen, and senate are required.

[Nullus invitis detur episcopus; cleri, plebis et ordinis consensus et desiderium requiratur.]

but Gratian edited that down to its final sentence, and extracted from it the black-letter rule that “the people don’t elect their bishop”:

The people do not elect [their bishop], but consent to the election.

[Plebi non est eligere, set electioni consentire.]

The consent and desires of the clergy and people are required.

[Cleri plebis consensus et desiderium requiratur.]

that isn't what it says, Gratian!

contra, e.g., Lumen Gentium 3.20–22, which reads the Fathers for all they’re worth and, not finding its own doctrine in them, cites to them with a “cf”, and even has the guff to cite the Apostolic Tradition (ca. 215), which reads, in Botte’s edition:

and in Dix’s edition:

Romish guy, wise: “electus ab omni populo”? “consentientibus omnibus”? what could that possibly mean? ....... probably means the Pope picks them ......

it's an election, dumbass!

[grimmusings]

♢ canon muses ♢

Sideblogs are linked below. Each has a pinned introduction with general information about how I write the muse, wanted connections, and verses.

comics ♢ Benjamin Poindexter ⭒ Daredevil ⭒ Wilson Bethel ♢ Brock Rumlow ⭒ Marvel/MCU ⭒ Frank Grillo ♢ Bucky Barnes ⭒ Marvel/MCU ⭒ Sebastian Stan ♢ Clint Barton ⭒ Marvel ⭒ Bradley James ♢ Elektra Natchios ⭒ Daredevil ⭒ Élodie Yung ♢ Ellie Rogers ⭒ Marvel ⭒ Kat McNamara ♢ Frank Castle ⭒ Daredevil ⭒ Jon Bernthal ♢ Gwen Stacy ⭒ Marvel ⭒ Emily Browning ♢ James Rhodes ⭒ Marvel ⭒ Charles Michael Davis ♢ John Constantine ⭒ DC/Vertigo ⭒ Matt Ryan ♢ Johnny Storm ⭒ Fantastic Four ⭒ Chris Evans ♢ Karolina Dean ⭒ Marvel ⭒ Madison Iseman ♢ Mia Smoak ⭒ Arrowverse ⭒ Kat McNamara ♢ Nancy Callahan ⭒ Sin City ⭒ Jessica Alba ♢ Natasha Romanoff ⭒ Marvel/MCU ⭒ Scarlett Johansson ♢ Red ⭒ The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys ⭒ Levy Tran ♢ Steve Rogers ⭒ Marvel/MCU ⭒ Chris Evans ♢ Thor Odinson ⭒ MCU ⭒ Chris Hemsworth ♢ Torunn Thorsdóttir ⭒ Marvel ⭒ Margot Robbie

disney/dreamworks/etc. ♢ Barrel ⭒ Nightmare Before Christmas ⭒ Drew Ray Tanner ♢ Captain Hook ⭒ Peter Pan ⭒ Colin Farrell ♢ Cowardly Lion ⭒ The Wizard of Oz ⭒ Paul Rudd ♢ Dorothy Gale ⭒ Return to Oz ⭒ Emily Browning ♢ Jack Frost ⭒ Rise of the Guardians ⭒ Bradley James ♢ Jack Skellington ⭒ Nightmare Before Christmas ⭒ Milo Ventimiglia ♢ Lock ⭒ Nightmare Before Christmas ⭒ Matthew Daddario ♢ Mad Hatter ⭒ Alice in Wonderland ⭒ Jackson Rathbone ♢ Mallymkun ⭒ Alice in Wonderland ⭒ Ashley Greene ♢ Prince Cornelius ⭒ Thumbelina ⭒ Max Irons

mythology/folklore ♢ Hades ⭒ Greek Mythology ⭒ Chris Evans ♢ Hercules ⭒ Greek Mythology ⭒ Kellan Lutz ♢ Lancelot ⭒ Arthuriana ⭒ Chris Hemsworth ♢ Mordred ⭒ Arthuriana ⭒ Ian Somerhalder ♢ Will Scarlet ⭒ Robin Hood ⭒ Sebastian Stan

film ♢ Chris Beck ⭒ The Martian ⭒ Sebastian Stan ♢ David Powers ⭒ The Lost Boys ⭒ Dacre Montgomery ♢ Frank Adler ⭒ Gifted ⭒ Chris Evans ♢ Jennifer Check ⭒ Jennifer's Body ⭒ Megan Fox ♢ Jerry Dandridge ⭒ Fright Night ⭒ Colin Farrell ♢ Laurie Strode ⭒ Halloween ⭒ Lili Reinhart ♢ Lawrence Talbot ⭒ The Wolf Man ⭒ Rahul Kohli ♢ Leo Barnes ⭒ The Purge ⭒ Frank Grillo ♢ Newt Scamander ⭒ Fantastic Beasts ⭒ Eddie Redmayne ♢ Nick Gant ⭒ Push ⭒ Chris Evans ♢ Victor Frankenstein ⭒ Frankenstein ⭒ Bill Skarsgård

tv shows ♢ Alvey Kulina ⭒ Kingdom ⭒ Frank Grillo ♢ Andy Barber ⭒ Defending Jacob ⭒ Chris Evans ♢ Betty Cooper ⭒ Riverdale ⭒ Lili Reinhart ♢ Billy Hargrove ⭒ Stranger Things ⭒ Dacre Montgomery ♢ Carter Baizen ⭒ Gossip Girl ⭒ Sebastian Stan ♢ Castiel ⭒ Supernatural ⭒ Misha Collins ♢ Damien Thorn ⭒ Damien ⭒ Bradley James ♢ Daryl Dixon ⭒ The Walking Dead ⭒ Norman Reedus ♢ Dean Winchester ⭒ Supernatural ⭒ Jensen Ackles ♢ Hannibal Lecter ⭒ Hannibal ⭒ Mads Mikkelsen ♢ Nate Archibald ⭒ Gossip Girl ⭒ Chace Crawford ♢ Paul 'Jesus' Rovia ⭒ The Walking Dead ⭒ Tom Payne

books ♢ Ben Hanscom ⭒ It ⭒ Jay Ryan ♢ Bill Weasley ⭒ Harry Potter ⭒ Michael Fassbender ♢ Cassian ⭒ ACOTAR ⭒ Can Yaman ♢ Ginny Weasley ⭒ Harry Potter ⭒ Kat McNamara ♢ Hermione Granger ⭒ Harry Potter ⭒ Ashley Moore ♢ Oliver Wood ⭒ Harry Potter ⭒ Max Irons ♢ Remus Lupin ⭒ Harry Potter ⭒ Rahul Kohli ♢ Ronan Lynch ⭒ The Raven Cycle ⭒ Dacre Montgomery ♢ Sirius Black ⭒ Harry Potter ⭒ Rob Raco

♢ test muses ♢

Test and minor muses are written from the main, at least until they demand their own blogs, although some of them will probably always be super niche and just stay here. Bio and verse information is linked if available.

♢ Billy Barker ⭒ American Mary ⭒ Antonio Cupo ♢ Camille L'Espanaye ⭒ The Fall of the House of Usher ⭒ Kate Siegel ♢ Colin Shea ⭒ What's Your Number? ⭒ Chris Evans ♢ Danika Fendyr ⭒ Crescent City ⭒ Florence Pugh ♢ Dean Redding ⭒ The Naturals ⭒ Cooper van Grootel ♢ Doyle ⭒ Merry Gentry ⭒ Idris Elba ♢ Dwayne Hicks ⭒ Aliens ⭒ Jensen Ackles ♢ Edward Forrester ⭒ Anita Blake ⭒ Alexander Skarsgård ♢ Fangs Fogarty ⭒ Riverdale ⭒ Drew Ray Tanner ♢ Feyre Archeron ⭒ ACOTAR ⭒ Riley Voelkel ♢ Grey Hollow ⭒ House of Hollow ⭒ Taylor Swift ♢ Hector ⭒ Greek Mythology ⭒ Joe Manganiello ♢ Henry Devlin ⭒ Dreamcatcher ⭒ Michiel Huisman ♢ Ian Janek ⭒ Prometheus ⭒ Idris Elba ♢ Jay Kulina ⭒ Kingdom ⭒ Jonathan Tucker ♢ Jedidiah Sawyer ⭒ Texas Chainsaw Massacre ⭒ Leatherface ♢ Levi Stewart ⭒ Fangirl ⭒ Luke Benward ♢ Lidia Cervos ⭒ Crescent City ⭒ Margot Robbie ♢ Madeline Usher ⭒ The Fall of the House of Usher ⭒ Willa Fitzgerald ♢ Matthew Brown ⭒ Hannibal ⭒ Jonathan Tucker ♢ Pepper Potts ⭒ Marvel ⭒ Gemma Chan ♢ Ruhn Danaan ⭒ Crescent City ⭒ Ian Somerhalder ♢ Sandman ⭒ Folklore ⭒ Matthew Daddario ♢ Sholto ⭒ Merry Gentry ⭒ Alexander Skarsgård ♢ Tom Hanniger ⭒ My Bloody Valentine ⭒ Jensen Ackles ♢ Toni Topaz ⭒ Riverdale ⭒ Vanessa Morgan

[sims-half-crazy]

The journey to her room was made all the more difficult by the fact that Cornelius had taken the larger room, leaving her with a glorified closet. With each contraction, Imogen felt the world around her fade, consumed by the pain radiating through her body.

"Elias," she wailed, "it hurts! Make it stop! Where’s the midwife or the doctor?"

The spring snowstorm had taken everyone by surprise, and now it was just the three of them, along with the butler and two maids, frantically fetching warm water and fresh towels. The storm outside raged like a tempest—relentless and fierce.

"Just breathe, Imogen! Focus on your breath!" Elias urged, his voice barely audible over her cries.

Rebecca had followed them upstairs, but unsure how to help, she turned to her refuge. "To the woman he said, 'I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor...'"

Imogen's roar cut through the verse, her scream sharp and primal, drowning out Rebecca's voice. "Mother, please! Not now!" Imogen’s head snapped back as another large contraction gripped her belly. It felt as if she were being torn in two. "GET OUT!" she shrieked, her voice cutting through the din of ice hitting the windows. "You’re not helping! You’re making it worse!"

Elias squeezed her hand more firmly, adjusting his grip so she couldn’t crush it. He leaned down, his eyes filled with worry and understanding.

"Imogen, focus on me. I’m here. Just hold my hand."

Ice pelted the windows with such fury that Rebecca was distracted by the noise, musing aloud that the glass might shatter—but no one heard her. Imogen, exhausted, gasped as the urge to push began to build.

"I can’t do this!" Tears streamed down her cheeks.

"You can. I believe in you. Just one more push, love."

[starlixir]

interview meme

——— character question sheet

▌real name: Nova Badree (her last name isn't her actual last name, but she never could remember it after her death. Her brother isn't a big help.)

▌single or taken:  Single (default) - Was going to get married before her future husband was murdered.

▌abilities or powers: For any verses involving magic / powers, Nova is capable of manipulating both electric and technology (as they go hand in hand with each other). Even going as far as manipulating the data within said technology. She could also do other things as well like manipulate water or even fire, but she doesn't use it as much. In a more normal / mundane verses (like rdr2 or Yakuza), she is capable of surviving out in the wilderness. In general, she knows how to fight with various of weapons as well as know many martial arts.

▌eye colour: Brown

▌hair colour: Dark brown (depending on the verse, she may have blue highlights).

▌family members: David (Father), Charlotte (Mother), Sophie (Older sister), Clay (Older brother), Liam (Older brother), unnamed brother (Older brother), and Cornelius (Brother-in-law).

▌pets: Petals (RDR2 / Wild West verse but that's her shire horse).

▌something they don’t like: Negativity and coldness / winter.

▌hobbies/activities: Cooking, crafting, writing, reading, and dancing.

▌ever hurt anyone before: Only if it is necessary.

▌ever killed anyone before: She had, but only because she has no other choice. If push comes to shove, she can and will take another lives yet chooses not to!

▌animal that represents them: I am not sure at this point. I'm struggling with this.

▌worst habits: Stubborn, Self-doubts (every now and then), and can come off too energetic.

▌role models: Clay, Skylar, and various of fictional characters. Depending on the verse, it may be different people. Such as Jaheria (bg3) or even Kiryu (Yakuza).

▌sexual orientation: Demisexual bisexual.

▌thoughts on marriage/kids: She does want to get married but not really big on kids. She doesn't mind taking care of kids at all. Just prefers to not have any of her own. Plus, she isn't really a motherly type. More like a sisterly type.

▌fears: Being abandoned and being useless.

▌style preferences: Nautical-themed or anything comfortable.

▌someone they love: Clay (he's always going to be the few people who she will put at top), Esmeralda, Cornelius, and Duncan. Insert anyone else that makes a connection with her in the rpc.

▌approach to friendships: Nova may be awkward when making friends, but she absolutely loves making friends. She can and will be found approaching others to befriend them.

▌thoughts on pie: She thinks they are alright. She does enjoy apple pie the most with whip cream. Probably a little too much whip cream.

▌favourite drink: It depends on the verse, but she prefers tea.

▌favourite place to spend time at: Anywhere that has running water or near anything swamp-related. Such as near the river or in Bayu Nwa (in rdr2).

▌swim in the lake or in the ocean: Both, though she leans more on the ocean. She grew up around the ocean.

▌their type: That's, eh, complicated. Her type is all over the place. It ranges from someone who is opposite than her in personality to someone who is like a golden retriever.

▌camping or indoors: Indoors, though she gotten used to camping outdoors. The only reason why I say indoors because Nova was a city girl before she was forced to camp outdoors.

Tagged by: Stolen

Tagging: Y'all

[scotianostra]

On December 8th 1542 Mary, Queen of Scots, was born at Linlithgow Palace, West Lothian in 1542.

Mary’s father was at his beloved palace of Falkland, where he would in fact die aged thirty  days later, having learned of the birth of his baby daughter. The true cause of the death of James V has never been satisfactorily explained, although all sources agree that the king underwent a physical and nervous collapse as a result of his humiliation and devastation at the Battle of Solway Moss. However as I posted two weeks ago the King missed the battle and was perhaps suffering from a fever beforehand, in my opinion it is being used as a poor excuse for his death.

The room in which Mary was born is now little more than a romantic ruin without a roof, however its location in the north-west portion of Linlithgow Palace, still enjoys the view out over the loch as it did when Mary’s mother Queen Mary of Guise, gave birth to her here. 

If ever in the area a visit to Linlithgow Palace is a must, although check beforehand as there is currently no visitor access to inside the palace ue to access restrictions in place as a precautionary measure while they undertake high level masonry inspections, this has been the case  for some time now, regulars here will know it’s a place I love and visit regularly. 

St. Michael’s Church is traditionally thought to have been the setting for Mary’s christening. Mary in fact only remained some months at Linlithgow, being taken onwards to the castle of Stirling by Mary of Guise. Historical doubt has arisen over the accuracy of December 8 as the actual birthday of Mary Queen of Scots and it has been suggested that the event in reality may have taken place on December 7th, but that December 8th was used so that the day could coincide with the feast of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Mary herself however always referred to December 8 thas the day she regarded as being her birthday.

Indeed one historical works about Mary’s life gave this short account…..

“The nation partook in Mary of Guise’ misfortunes, when she lost both her sons, soon after the birth of the second. She had the consolation, however of bringing her husband, while he was dying of an afflicted spirit, a daughter, on the 7th of December 1542, in the palace of Linlithgow.”

The birth of Mary Queen of Scots is commemorated annually by a short private ceremony at Westminster Abbey on her birthday, 8th December, together with the laying of flowers in the Queen’s memory. The Marie Stuart Society raised funds to enable a statue of the Queen to be erected on the Peel at Linlithgow Palace, the place of her birth and I have heard some of them gather there now to remember Queen Mary.

I also think it sad that our Queen was buried in Westminster, the traditional burial setting for many of England’s monarchs and the setting for each royal coronation since her own death. Although Mary  had herself requested to be buried in France, this wish was not granted by Elizabeth I and she was initially interred with great solemnity at Peterborough Cathedral in late 1587, where her body remained at rest for twenty five years. It was the eventual wish of James VI/I, that her body be removed from Peterborough Cathedral to Westminster Abbey in 1612, ordering a spectacular marble canopy tomb to his mother’s memory by the sculptors Cornelius and William Cure, today to  be found opposite the tomb of Elizabeth I, in the Abbey’s south aisle of the Lady Chapel. The tomb is loaded with symbolism particular to Mary’s ancestry and life with a crowned Scottish lion,  bearing a magnificent Latin mourning inscription written by Henry, Earl of Northampton and containing two verses from the Gospel book of Peter. Close to her tomb is that of her mother-in-law, Margaret, Countess of Lennox.

However, the tomb of Mary Queen of Scots did not remain undisturbed following her reburial, nor was the peace of her final resting place unbroken. Mary would come to share her burial vault with many of her descendants, including her granddaughter Elizabeth of Bohemia, the unfortunate Arbella Stuart, Prince Rupert of the Rhine, the much lamented Henry Prince of Wales as well as ten infant children of James II and the eighteen babies of Queen Anne who died at birth. This search had been prompted by Dean Stanley in 1867, because the location of the coffin of Mary’s son James VI/I was at that time unknown. Logical thought led the searchers to assume that he may have been buried in the Stuart vault of his mother, although his lead coffin was eventually found in the vault of Henry VII, where he lay alongside the remains of his great-great-grandparents Henry VII and Queen Elizabeth of York.

So there you have it from her birth in 1542, to her death in 1587, I think I cover enough of her life throughout the year for you all to fill in the missing years, which as usual I will endeavour to do once more in the year 2023.

[hexcoremagician]

ARCANE - MAIN.

In my canon for Viktor, he is Silco's son and is brother to Jinx. If the Silco or Jinx I am writing with it is okay to explore those storylines, that is awesome. If not, we don't have to ever write around that. He is the creator of Blitzcrank, the pet project that, along with a tailored uniform from his father, allowed him to steal into the Academy. He is also a scientific tutor for House Heimerdinger after being adopted into the House so he could become Cecil's assistant. In an attempt to assimilate him into Piltover customs, Heimerdinger gave him a full name, adding the "Cornelius" aspect to his name, whereas Viktor himself chose "Abraxas" as his middle name.

original name: Viktor of Zaun.

Piltover name: Viktor Abraxas Cornelius of House Heimerdinger.

alias: The Machine Herald/The Machinist, the Co-Father of Hextech.

pronouns: he/him/his.

age: verse dependent.

15-18 Years Old (Academy Years)

18-20 (Dean's Assistant Years)

20 Years Old (Act 1 of Arcane)

21-32 Years Old (Act 2-3 of Arcane)

Frozen in his 30s permanently due to augmentation of the HexCore (After Act 3 of Arcane)

orientation: bisexual; masc-leaning.

marital status: verse dependent. single, typically.

species: human (cyborg).

location: Piltover/Zaun. (Moves between the two nations.)

archetype: The Magician, The Hanged Man.

cyborg info:

Almost all of his body has been replaced by HexTech (Shimmermetal), save his head and neck. He wears many clothes to hide this fact, and also wears gloves.

He lacks many human weaknesses, is suspectable to death somewhat, and has somehow bonded with the Hex Core in such a way that its sentience and his consciousness are blurred together. The Hex Core wishes to be in total union with Viktor, and that is why he augments himself so much.

abilities:

plays the cello.

Inventor: A brilliant mind, Viktor is able to invent numerous contraptions, especially those made to utilize hextech gemstones. As the person who perfected hextech, he is one of the leading scientists in hextech innovations.

Hexclaw: Permanently attached to his back, the hexclaw is an additional arm that's also able to shoot a ray of concentrated magical light. Originally intended as a crafting tool, it's currently used as a death ray as well as an instrument used for fixing Viktor's cybernetic augmentations.

Hex Core: It is a self-learning and evolving hextech device. It is able adapt to any situation and has the potential of becoming a sentient and sapient being.

biography:

Viktor is an ambitious Zaunite inventor who resides in Piltover, working as the partner of Jayce Talis. Once brought into the Academy as the assistant to Heimerdinger, Viktor worked his way up from the undercity in hopes of improving lives, but his research was complicated upon discovering he was terminally ill. Nevertheless, Viktor does not let his disease stop him and he remains steadfast in finding a cure.

personality:

Viktor has an obsessive, idealistic personality, and is a workaholic. He is a self-described methodical, logical and thorough person, and is implied to previously have been emotional. He is interested in how techmaturgy could help society.

mannerisms & quirks:

Still has his cane/crutch/ even when he has completely changed to HexTech and no longer needs it. It evolves into his staff.

appearance:

During his time as a non-augmented person, Viktor was a white skinned, golden/hazel eyed and brown haired human with a scrawny build. Since his birth he had a deformity preventing him to walk and run naturally, needing a walking stick to move (later a walking crutch). During his time exposed to Zaunite pollution, it would greatly worsen his health conditions.

Since he started to dabble in self-augmenting hextech experiments, Viktor would slowly start replacing his body parts. First magically altered by the powers of the Hexcore with the aid of Shimmer (his right leg and hand specifically), he would eventually transition into mechanical augmentations, completely replacing most of his body parts, save his head.

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

Carpe Diem - Chapter 11

Pairing: Sketchbook (Kaisa/Johanna)

Summary: Carpe diem: one of the five latim mottos of the arcadist, or neoclassical movement. Literally translates to "seize the day"

Picking up where Locus Amoenus left off, this fic follows the lives of Kaisa and Johanna for a couple weeks as their feelings grow and develop. Updated weekly.

Notes: Second to last chapter, you guys!!

Read it on ao3 or read the first installment on this verse or read the second installment on this verse

Victoria had been right. It would have been better for Kaisa to listen to the recording of her and Abigail’s conversation in private. Not because of it bringing any trouble to her, but rather because it had been a herculean task to stop Johanna from marching to their professor’s office and demanding an explanation.

Johanna had been furious, and Victoria understood her perfectly well. She thought her anger had waned over the course of the weekend, but seeing Kaisa, vulnerable and hurt, brought the fire back to her chest. Only one thing stopped the two of them from taking this matter directly to the dean, and to the board of students, and to anyone at all who they thought would be able to bring any justice to the case. And that was Kaisa’s small voice, that though low had been able to cut through Victoria and Johanna’s heated conversation about which was the best course of action.

“I want to go home.” Kaisa whined softly, sounding heartbroken and several years younger. Her eyes were downcast and her shoulders were hunched, as if she was trying to close in on herself. Both of them stopped talking immediately, and even Victoria, who fancied herself as someone who didn’t easily fall victim to sentimentalism, felt her eyes stinging when she looked at her friend.

This wasn’t just about some gossip. This was about Kaisa having been isolated. It was about the trust that had been broken between her and her mother. It was about the years of torturing herself because she’d felt she owed it to everyone to meet their expectations. It was about so many things that her friends couldn’t be blamed for their explosive reaction, but she was glad when their embers burned out and they turned their compassionate gazes to her.

Victoria walked them to Johanna’s house, where she gave Kaisa a comforting nod and a request to text her later before getting her inside the car. Johanna drove them in silence. She understood that what Kaisa needed at that moment was some time to sort through her many thoughts.

Upon hearing Johanna’s car park in front of the house, Tildy ran to the garden, preceded only by Cornelius, whose joints were still more helpful than hers. It wasn’t at all unusual for Johanna to drop Kaisa off there anymore, but her daughter had left the house not long before and she knew she was supposed to be in class at the moment. When she saw her leave the car and stand stiffly in the front yard, her eyes glassy and unfocused, she knew undoubtedly that something had happened.

Luckily, the way Johanna rushed to her side and whispered something in a consoling tone to her meant that the problem hadn’t been between them. It was a relief on one hand, since it meant her daughter wouldn’t lose this very good thing she’d found, but also left Tildy on edge because whatever had gone wrong could probably be much worse.

She approached them, asking if all was well, and Kaisa flinched at her voice. Tildy looked at her face, but she didn’t meet her eyes. Kaisa remained expressionless, with her arms hugging her middle as Cornelius sniffed her socks.

“I’m sorry.” Kaisa said, her broken voice making Tildy’s heart shatter a little inside her chest. She didn’t even know what she was apologizing for, but she had no doubt she would forgive her. Beside her, Johanna looked at Tildy with concern.

None of them said anything for a moment. The air was charged, like both Tildy and Johanna were holding their breath. Even Cornelius had put a halt to his usual excitement to stare at Kaisa. Finally, the girl sighed, and it sounded like she was carrying the whole world on her frail back.

“I… I need to be alone for a moment.” She said, staring at the floor. “I’m sorry. I want to hug you, both of you, but I can’t right now. It’s too much. I’m sorry.”

On any other occasion, Tildy would have told her to not apologize, but she knew that in this state her daughter could use some silence. So she merely nodded and stepped aside to allow Kaisa into the house, knowing she’d want to make a beeline for her bedroom. Both of them watched her go, and when Kaisa had already disappeared behind the front door, Tildy turned to Johanna.

“Thank you for bringing her back.” She said to the worried looking girl, hoping she could disperse some of the tension so clearly etched into her features. “You are very kind. If you’re not in a rush, I would love it if you could join me for a cup of tea.”

Johanna finally dragged her gaze away from the front door and to Tildy, like she’d been hoping for a glimpse of Kaisa even after she’d climbed up the stairs and vanished from their field of vision.

“It’s no bother at all.” She said, not nonchalantly but rather emphatically. “Are you sure? Is it okay if I stay?”

Reaching up and touching her shoulder in a motherly gesture, Tildy did her best to smile through her worry. “If this is what you’re really asking, I’m sure that Kaisa would love to know you’re nearby.”

Biting down on her bottom lip, Johanna nodded after the reassurance. Tildy led her inside, then, and told her dog to go play outside in the garden while she prepared a pot of tea. Without needing to be prompted, Johanna gave her an outline of what had happened, saying that it would probably be better if Kaisa was the one to give the story more detail but also unable to leave the older woman worrying for any longer.

They sat in the living room as they drank, sometimes sharing ideas or feelings about the matter and what they’d do next, but mostly being silent, absorbed in their own thoughts. In the end, Johanna had to leave before Kaisa was ready to leave her room, but she only did so after writing a note which she asked Tildy to deliver her, and after being thanked profusely for her help and for her kindness.

She got a message from Kaisa later in the evening, also thanking her and assuring her that she was feeling much better. Johanna, eating dinner at the kitchen counter, was typing back asking if she knew what she wanted to do about it when her cousin interrupted her.

“Is it Kaisa?” He asked. “How is she?”

He had been at home when she came back from dropping her off, and had practically begged for the story, knowing something truly serious must have happened for Kaisa to skip class. However. it had felt wrong for Johanna to share it with someone who had nothing to do with this situation without Kaisa’s consent, so she hadn’t budged however much the words were nearly bursting out of her. 

“Please.” He had said. “I just want to know if she’s fine. Kaisa’s my friend too.”

Johanna had sighed and dropped the car keys off at the ceramic bowl on the small table by the door. “I don’t know about fine, but she’s stubborn, and she’s very loved. She’ll be okay.”

That had been the end of that conversation, but now she was able to shoot Edmund a relieved smile after she sent her her answer. “Unbreakable as always.”

                                                      ………

The next day, Johanna had been sitting on her usual seat as she waited for the start of the seminar, wondering what meditative breathing practice she could use that would lessen her desire to murder the professor, when the shadow of a person standing beside her made her jump in surprise.

“Kaisa?” She said like she was seeing the apparition of a dead relative and not someone who took this same class with her. She’d messaged her during the morning, checking in on her and gladly noting that her spirits seemed lifted again. Kaisa had shared that she’d talked at length with Tildy, apologized for not believing in her, and that they were in the clear about everything now. Still, Johanna hadn’t expected her to show up to class with the very professor who had assumed the worst of her and scattered it to the four winds. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I’m enrolled in this seminar, aren’t I?” She said with raised eyebrows. “I thought that after nearly half the semester you would have noticed this already.”

Johanna huffed, wondering if Kaisa had shown up just to mess with her, when she did something completely unexpected.

For the first time, Kaisa sat down on the front row, just beside Johanna.

“Sorry, am I stealing someone’s seat?” She asked humorously when Johanna didn’t stop looking at her like she was trying to solve a puzzle. “I won’t bother you with my presence if you don’t want me to.”

“No, stay!” Johanna said, way louder than she had intended and fast enough to make Kaisa giggle. Even if they couldn’t talk though the duration of the lecture, it was soothing to have the girl within her eyesight. Kaisa seemed to share the feeling.

When professor Abigail arrived and began her lecture, Kaisa made sure to spend the entire time sitting up completely straight and staring fixedly at her face, save for when she looked down to write something on her notebook. To Johanna, at least, it was crystal clear that the professor had noticed, and was struggling to ignore it. The longer they spent in class, the more she seemed to forget her words and glance nervously at the front row where Kaisa was.

As soon as it was over, they put their notebooks in their backpacks and got up without a word. Outside the room, the other alumni were already huddling around the notice board, all anxious to see how they had done on the latest essay.

Johanna reached out and grasped Kaisa’s hand, trusting that she’d tell her if it made her uncomfortable, but only getting a squeeze in return.

“Do you want to check ours?” She asked, leaning close to Kaisa’s ear. She was staring fixedly in the direction of that small commotion, but then she straightened her shoulders and shook her head.

“No.” She said softly, turning to Johanna with a ghost of a smile on her face. “I know we did well. How much so exactly doesn’t really matter.”

Johanna beamed, feeling pride radiate off of her. 

They walked away from the classroom hand in hand, without ever glancing back.

[mourningcandles]

I made this post about The Reluctant Director&Furnace&Cornelius, but I think I'll make a new one to keep talking about them. It needs to be a separate posts with tags like this.

#thinking about that time the Reluctant Director tracked Cornelius across the Hinterlands just to accuse him of a crime he didn't commit #despite having proof of crimes he did in fact commit #because they didn't care about the other crimes #they just really pettily thought he was involved in a different crime because they were jealous (platonic) #meanwhile Mister Fires was right there#both of them mid-stand off like ''where's Furnace Ancona and what did you do with her- wait I thought you had her'' #''I will make your life a hell'' what are you two #what is up with your rivalry #this post was brought to you by: Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine being on their platonic love triangle playlist #okay fine they did care about the other crimes but Furnace said fuck off when they brought it up so they did because they're a simp

There's a marked air of jealously between The Reluctant Director and Cornelius. It shows quite plainly in their interactions. It's a bit miserable, actually.

Speaking with Cornelius [...] "Did she show you her face?" Cornelius asks. "Perhaps I should show you mine." He unwinds the bandage around his head. His face is covered with tiny mouths, none of them bigger than an eye. When his first mouth is silent, the other mouths speak, or grimace. All these mouths give him a strange cadence; he speaks with one voice and another, like verses of poetry.

He has no way of knowing that Furnace has removed her helmet in the Director's presence. That is an assumption he makes, and that assumption is that Furnace trusts the Director. With that assumption comes some measure of disdain. But he doesn't know the context.

For reference, the timeline for this character's run is:

Start investigating Cornelius

Bring evidence of embezzlement to Furnace

Be annoyingly persistent (autistic) until she reveals her faces (plural) out of frustration and anger

Never bring it up again

Furnace goes missing

Finish investigating Cornelius and confront him

They wouldn't have ever learned what was beneath the mask if it weren't for Cornelius and his nonsense.

Hear him out His need to speak is electric in the air. Confessional The mouths speak: "This is what the Masters made of us." "Of Furnace and me." "Not because they have such power. Not because they even noticed us. But because in opposing them, we unmade ourselves." "The masters did not make the law, they did not make the Bazaar, it is best to ignore them, do not even bother to unbuild them, just ignore them and follow a different rule –" "– and here you are –" "– and the Devils took the Red position, neutral, both sides –" It goes on like this, on and on, a litany of thoughts from all the little mouths. At the end, Cornelius' central mouth says, "It was my fault. I called on the Discordance, I read the law of ice, I tried to enter the Adulterine Castle." He looks at you and you see a man who is, on the whole, sane. "I don't speak this way to everyone. But she trusts you, I think. And so I trust you, even if I should not."

It's honestly such a leap for him to extend even the illusion of trust towards a Director of the GHR who also has evidence against him (which he suspects) but such is the nature of their weird rivalry, I suppose.

Ask him where Furnace is Does he know? Lightning glance The tiny mouths and their many stories collapse into silence. "Does she love you?" Cornelius asks, with the one mouth at the centre of his face. "Because all the stories I'm hearing, the gossip on the rail – she's taken your side a stupid number of times." His eyes bore into you. You have an intuition: he does not know where Furnace is, but he would remove your liver with his hands if he thought that would produce her location.

The only thing preventing these two from throttling each other is that they both love Furnace. They are to some degree fighting for her affection despite both knowing full-well that she doesn't care about them that way in the slightest. The only thing preventing these two from throttling each other is their uneasy alliance, formed with the purpose of saving Furnace, perhaps even from herself, ultimately. Their methods and how far each is willing to go vary, but it does prevent them from throttling each other.

Also the Reluctant Director neither knows nor cares whether this feeling in romantic or platonic, both in their own case and in the case of Cornelius. In the end they like Furnace and they think Cornelius is a prick and a freak. They will admit that they are also a freak, but they are under the illusion that they are less of a prick. They are not.

[neospacegov]

im still working to nail the vocal transition from the verses to the chorus but hiiii i wrote a little character song for Pascal and im just very giggle happy smile etc about it (lyrics below the cut)

I haven’t prayed to god since the day I turned five He didn’t answer so I turned my cheek and my eyes If God is there, can someone tell him I’m sorry? Being normal isn’t something I thought I had to try If I fit in my body, would that save my life? I don’t want a vivisection on the altar, I just wish that I’d been born right If God is there, can someone tell him I’m sorry? Being normal isn’t something I thought I had to try If God is there, tell him I’m down on my knees Hands to my chest, my soul on my sleeve Make me better! Dear God, make me better! (excitedly babbling "fuck yes! yea yea yea yea yea! ehehe!")

[april-is]

April 14, 2023: Spring Poem, Colleen O’Connor

Spring Poem Colleen O’Connor

It’s April again. Which means I’ve lost interest

in months and days and sons. Which isn’t fair. Sons

are born but they are made men, made tangible

by their makers, by their makings. It isn’t their faults.

What is it then that I’ve lost? My interests, flitting from me

in the dark, obnoxious wisps. Which isn’t fair. I’ve lost

interest in days and now the nights are all flitting wisps, bright

as daylight and just as thin, my interest in them waning like some

bored, listless moon. It’s April again. I want to leave it all.

Which isn’t fair. Neither am I. I abandon

my wisps. I leave them to their mothers.

--

Today in:

2022: Red, Mary Ruefle 2021: Bathing, Allison Seay 2020: A Small Moment, Cornelius Eady 2019: You Meet Someone and Later You Meet Their Dancing and You Have to Start Again, David Welch 2018: Henry Clay’s Mouth, Thomas Lux 2017: When Your Small Form Tumbled into Me, Tracy K. Smith 2016: Eve Recollecting the Garden, Grace Bauer 2015: from I Love A Broad Margin To My Life, Maxine Hong Kingston 2014: Gift, Czeslaw Milosz 2013: This Be The Verse, Philip Larkin 2012: We Did Not Make Ourselves, Michael Dickman 2011: Happiness (3), Jean Valentine 2010: When I Think, Jeanne Marie Beaumont 2009: The Poem, Franz Wright 2008: Morning Poem, Robin Becker 2007: Supple Cord, Naomi Shihab Nye 2006: Wish For a Young Wife, Theodore Roethke 2005: The Benjamin Franklin of Monogamy, Jeffrey McDaniel

[caltropspress]

RAPS + CRAFTS #13: Algernon Cornelius

1. Introduce yourself. Past projects? Current projects?

I’m Algernon Cornelius, producer/rapper based in Manchester (UK). A lot of my early work consists of instrumental beat-tapes (which can be found on my bandcamp), along with collaborative works like Mortal Deck, as well as some side-projects like Philip K. Dickhead. I wrote my first rap in 1993 (co-written with my Dad tbf), but didn’t start writing properly until 2003. Around the same time I started producing by making pause tapes in a little cassette recorder and then by the same process but with cheap CD turntables into an Archos Gmini 402 mp4 player. I started using Cubase in 2005 and then moved on to Ableton in 2014. 

Somewhere along this path I briefly let go of rapping to focus more on beat-making, that is until about 2016 when I made the song “Zero Hour Contract” (the vocals were recorded on a dictaphone). That return to writing was most likely sparked by hearing ELUCID’s Valley Of Grace record. I followed that up with another single: “Witchita”.

There are multiple stories you can choose to follow when you explore my discography. Perhaps the easiest route is through the rap time-line, which is as follows…

Neither Gloaming Nor Argent: Both Before And After The Dark (2020)

The Miraculous Weapons of Clarkus_Dark (2021)

Me No Sen You No Come (2022)

SEGUNDO (2023) NGNA is a compilation of singles I recorded before, during and after the making of MWxxCD (think 13 Songs by Fugazi or The Sagas Of… by Klashnekoff). MWxxCD is my debut album. MNSYNC is an EP, and SEGUNDO is my 2nd album.

2. Where do you write? Do you have a routine time you write? Do you discipline yourself, or just let the words come when they will? Do you typically write on a daily basis?

I wish I did write on a daily basis, but most of the time I just ponder about living my life being busy or procrastinating, until something hits me. Usually it’s one line that sounds interesting or funny to me. There have been times when I’ve tried to be more disciplined and write something every day. These bursts typically happen in the new year and then eventually fade away, in that respect being undisciplined is my discipline. But when it comes to it I can be anywhere. For this album specifically I went back home to the house I grew up in while my parents were away and just wrote for 10 days straight (probably helped that I got covid and couldn’t leave). I set everything up in the dining room and had the mic in one hand to record demos as I wrote with the other. I’ve never really written in that way before, but it was definitely good for me. Being alone, and having a mission, and knowing exactly how my voice would sound as I was writing. I can’t do that in my current living situation because I live with other people and I’m very self-conscious. I think being in a space I knew well and felt comfortable in really helped too.

I don’t write everyday, but ideas are usually always kicking around. I like to leave room for experiences to write about.

3. What’s your medium—pen and paper, laptop, on your phone? Or do you compose a verse in your head and keep it there until it’s time to record?

It used to be a pen and sheets of A4 white paper. Then it became lined notebooks. Then it was my laptop. In the past five years or so it has been in the notes app on my phone, and then typed up in a Google doc where it can be edited and refined. I can’t keep new lyrics in my head for long because they tend to metamorphosise into something else very quickly, so they have to be preserved outside the brain. I’ll then rehearse over and over until I know it off-top and it becomes muscle memory, because I would rather not be reading off something in the booth (that isn’t always possible with last minute rewrites). The best way is if I can play it live a few times because then I really get a feel for it and know what the energy is like and I have more confidence behind the flow, I know what the pockets should feel like.

4. Do you write in bars, or is it more disorganized than that?

Oh it’s very disorganised. But then again that can depend on the beat. Some songs encourage more free-form structure.

5. How long into writing a verse or a song do you know it’s not working out the way you had in mind? Do you trash the material forever, or do you keep the discarded material to be reworked later?

I think when I feel uncomfortable or cringe is when I know it’s not working. I know you have to kill the part of you that cringes but that’s 100 gecs' job. You really have to feel genuine with what you’re saying, and that’s an integrity that keeps you grounded in who you are as an artist. That gets a lot easier as you get older and you don’t have to put on a voice or adopt certain language.

My line of thinking is that it begins with a jump-off, so the first line is the provocateur. The attention grabber. Often this may not have anything to do with the rest of the verse, but it’s integral to getting to the rest of it. The big bang. In this way my verses probably tend to make more sense towards the end.

I try to keep everything, and this is why I would like to move back to writing on paper. I kept everything on paper. In a Google Doc it’s very easy to erase history. With SEGUNDO I tried to not be scared of the rewrite. I can be very precious about my work, but I had to give the mic to the voice that says “you can do better”.

6. Have you engaged with any other type of writing, whether presently or in the past? Fiction? Poetry? Playwriting? If so, how has that mode influenced your songwriting?

I have loved writing since forever. I was always writing stories as a kid and got a lot of encouragement from my English teachers at school. I still somewhat regret not taking English Literature at 6th Form (age 16-18 in the UK). I’ve been writing a lot more poetry recently and have sketched out some ideas for short sci-fi stories, and at some point want to go into script writing and learn to make films. I used to write about music a lot, for a few blogs and some larger platforms that shall remain nameless. I don’t know if that’s influenced my songwriting because rap is what got me into playing with language, so that informs everything else.

7. How much editing do you do after initially writing a verse/song? Do you labor over verses, working on them over a long period of time, or do you start and finish a piece in a quick burst?

I am trying to edit more. That was a key thing in the making of these last two records. I take ages to start things but once I get going it’s very quick, so it’s more like a stream of consciousness ting. You can end up trying to cram in too many ideas that way, and with SEGUNDO specifically I wanted to introduce more space in my rhymes, so I would cut some things to make that happen. Songs like “...AND THE LIVING” happened very quickly, but with “WHERE WE ARE” and “PLAGUES” there were several different versions I made until it sounded right. When something happens quickly I often have no memory of how it happened, it feels like it comes from another place (manic brain memory loss).

8. Do you write to a beat, or do you adjust and tweak lyrics to fit a beat?

I go through different waves. When I’m not writing for a project I just stream a load of bars out and have them all in a document. Most of the time these can’t fit to any of the music that I write, but I can nick certain lines that fit. “I Am Not The Moon” from Miraculous Weapons used a lot of lyrics from a couple of verses I wrote over a loop of The Wanton Song by Led Zeppelin when I was 18. I carry several verses around in my head that can’t really squish into a typical song format. I keep them there in case there was ever a situation where I got into a cypher and needed to prove something. As yet this has never happened, and may never will, perhaps this only happens in movies. I will just keep reciting them in the shower until that day comes. But when it’s for a project the beats always come first, so I’m gonna sit down and go through in sequential order and write like that. Doing it that way you’re carving out a route so the listener can follow your path (that is of course if they listen to albums front to back in one sitting and not on shuffle).

9. What dictates the direction of your lyrics? Are you led by an idea or topic you have in mind beforehand? Is it stream-of-consciousness? Is what you come up with determined by the constraint of the rhymes?

The music, first and foremost. That’s always the mood setter. That’s why the stuff I write without music tends to be more random and glitchy. In fact I have a load of stuff like this which I’m planning to release as a poetry book later this year called The Glitch and the Goof. But when I’m working on a record I make all the beats first and then sequence the album because it has to make sense musically, the instrumentals dictate the journey you’re gonna go on. Also whatever I name the instrumental when I export it, that usually informs the direction. I should probably be more careful with that. Although “Stress” was originally called “Night Goat” (after the Melvins song) and there was no mention of goats in that. There aren’t many of my songs that stick to one subject (Kool Moe Dee definitely would’ve scored me low for sticking to themes). On “DUNKEL” I do and that’s because of the sample, which is literally saying “dark” so that was the direction I gave Val and myself. “DECEMBER 25” is obviously one of the most focused theme-wise because I’m trying to tell a very specific story and it’s perhaps the most clear and personal I’ve been on a track. Funnily enough that song came about because I was working a temp job at a University and my fellow temp comrade (the only other black guy who worked there, it’s actually incredible they allowed 2 of us to work on the front desk at the same time now that I think about it), anyway we were chatting about white English reactions to diaspora foods, like having rice with your Sunday roast and how kids in school thought that was weird, but it was normal for us. We laughed about it and then I thought about it for a minute and wrote down “rice in my roast, what the whites will never know”. That’s the jump-off line right there. And as I already had the loop I wanted to sample for it in my head on rotation (it had been stuck in my head for almost 2 years), by the time I was on the bus home I just continued writing on my phone. The mood was already set and I just started thinking about this story I wanted to tell. I got home and immediately looped that shit up and then worked more lyrics around it, following the bassline. 

In terms of being constrained by the rhymes, I think yes this can happen, but then it’s all about vocab and finding ways back home if you go too far out. The patterns you weave doing that can be beautiful. That’s like looking at a brain-scan create an Etch-a-Sketch. Having that constraint can pull out some wild juxtapositions and create a really interesting image.

10. Do you like to experiment with different forms and rhyme schemes, or do you keep your bars free and flexible?

Absolutely. I always think about Method Man, especially on his earlier records, where he basically switches up the flow almost every line. That’s the stuff that got me so excited as a kid. As a rapper you are just an instrument, so as you would with drums or a bassline or a keyboard, you can switch it up to take the song somewhere. It’s always about what’s best for the song for me. I don’t like to get too self-indulgent as an emcee. I am no better than the beat really, I’m part of an ensemble cast, and we’re all working for the song. I don’t tend to think about my rhyme schemes as methodically as I used to, perhaps because it comes more naturally to me now, but I remember for a while I was experimenting with reverse compound structures where the 2nd line would be close enough to a  phonetic reverse of the previous line. I have a crude example from an unreleased song where I say: “High-hitting hats when I relapse into narcosis / Whenever I’m focused you can tell where I have been at with my hidden eye” Maybe I will go back to getting more scientific with ideas like this.

11. What’s a verse you’re particularly proud of, one where you met the vision for what you desire to do with your lyrics?

On SEGUNDO I think “DECEMBER 25” obviously because it took a lot for me to get there. I mean really that’s one of the reasons why it’s the last track on the album. I don’t think there’s been a time where I’ve listened back to that song and I haven’t cried, so it did what it was supposed to do. That was a similar case with “Adieu” from NGNA. “CLOY ROYSTER” because that’s probably the closest I’ll ever get to a true freestyle (I can’t freestyle for shit). The 2nd verse of “Tentative”, which originally I left open for a guest but then I ended up surpassing my own expectations (I originally gave the beat to R.A.P. Ferreira but then ended up using it on my album, then he came back with “No Word For Wack” which ended up on the Ruby Yacht album). ”Lightning Bolt” as well, that was a real one. I wrote the lyrics, made the beat, recorded it  and then posted it on bandcamp maybe all within 2 hours. Extremely raw shit. (It’s called "Lightning Bolt" because that’s who I was going to see play a gig that night). That’s actually an example of where I wrote it all out on a piece of paper first and then made it fit to the beat, and I mean it helps that the beat doesn’t have any drums, it’s just six pads of noise. “Notes On A Native Sound” was written from a dream I had the same night I made the beat and I feel that’s maybe one of the most synergetic songs in terms of the music and lyrics. It all came out of two sides of the same trip.

12. Can you pick a favorite bar of yours and describe the genesis of it?

“Flexi disc under the x-ray / Mexican death day / Haters wanna flex I slip their disc and press play (…AND THE LIVING)

Like I don’t care if anyone rates that or not, for me it always makes me feel like this and that’s all I ever wanna do for myself. I had that line in my head for time, just a silly little boast innit? But with some very niche deep Wikipedia level references. Also me and my peers have very serious concerns about back pain. “Become a man before the onus is on the shoulders of the taurus / And the horns begin to grow again, blow through them / The tone of brass bones does not atone for intonation" (The Flood)

Men go a bit weird in their late 20’s, you ever notice that? This was sort of a way of saying check yourself before you wreck yourself. I used 3 zodiac signs for Miraculous Weapons; the Bull (Taurus), Snake and Crab (Cancer), and they all work as points of reference across the album. A lot of it is to do with ideas of fate, determinism and essentialism and trying to escape that (which actually I've just realised that’s at the core of most of my work). The titular Clarkus_Dark is basically the bad character (as Lord Quas might say). My dad used to have this Shofar in the house which I used to play with (he was a religious studies teacher) so that’s probably where I got that imagery. I also used to play trombone so there’s your brass bones, and you can hear some trombone at the end of “How Good’s The Funeral?”. It’s all tied together. Now that I think of it this was also one where I wrote the lyrics before the music and then made it fit afterwards too. Cat, who is the first person you hear whisper “SEGUNDO” at the start of the album, I wrote that in her living room in the middle of a crisis.

13. Do you feel strongly one way or another about punch-ins? Will you whittle a bar down in order to account for breath control, or are you comfortable punching-in so you don’t have to sacrifice any words?

Punching-in I have no qualms about. Like I said before it’s about what’s best for the song. There are cases when a punch-in can fuck up the flow, there are cases where cutting out a breath can make it sound too clinical. Just depends on what you want out of the recording. I’m getting better at editing stuff down in the writing so it’s about clarity and rhythm. I’ll preface this with the fact that I’m old enough where I’m going to use Big Daddy Kane as an example…but you know when you’re starting out you just wanna show off and fit as many syllables in a line as possible (yeah, like Big Daddy Kane)? Well when you play live you come to the compromise, because I have so much energy I need to get off I can’t be running about and do all that, especially as I get older. No matter how much I push I have to understand my body has limits, so then it becomes a choice of what you’re trying to give. Is it lyrical-miracle virtuosity? Or clarity? What is going to connect with your audience? Because at the end of the day that’s what you’re trying to do, you have to make a connection otherwise there’s no point.

14. What non-hiphop material do you turn to for inspiration? What non-music has influenced your work recently?

Definitely films. For SEGUNDO there were things about Spike Lee joints that informed the feeling in songs like “PLAGUES” and “CURRY MILE”, in particular his use of the double dolly technique. I wanted to do that with music. When I was writing I rinsed seasons 3 and 4 of Top Boy, the Andy Warhol documentary on Netflix, The Power of the Dog, Call My Agent! and Fast & the Furious 9. Obviously I’m not sure how that last one had any effect on me, but the hook in SEGUNDO was inspired by Basquiat in the Warhol doc. 

I’d never really dipped that heavily into the work of David Lynch before, and I had wondered if it was just too late for me. Like is all the weirdo shit I already like just jacked from Uncle DL? But I saw Mulholland Drive for the first time and it shook me pretty deep, like really got right inside me in a very particular way that I don’t know how to put into words, and there’s not that many films that have done that. That kind of made me think differently about the structure of SEGUNDO and what it meant, because to be honest the meaning was missing for me for a long time and it felt like the process of making this album was almost in search of that, and then towards the end it started to make sense, but as if the answer had always been there. The lyrics to “SLOW WOUND” are mostly inspired by Mulholland Drive if you look closely enough. 

I’m always inspired by food, I’m always thinking about that. It’s so tied to memory. Sometimes I can’t remember the details of a certain trip somewhere but I can tell you exactly what I ate and what it tasted like and how it made me feel.

A lot of SEGUNDO was inspired by nature. Again it’s about space but in many forms. The pandemic is what set that off, everything became still and empty, internally and externally. I was locked down in Manchester so I ended up taking huge walks out to anything that remotely resembled a bit of countryside, a park or a bit of woodland surrounded by a highway. I grew up right in the middle of the North Yorkshire Dales and Moors, there was so much expansive space there, your mind could just wander off into the distance. Can’t see shit for terrace houses here in Old Trafford, it’s like being trapped on the set of Coronation Street (I wrote this and then afterwards took a walk to the shop for some caraway seeds and the sun was beaming and the red bricks look so gorgeous in the light, so it’s not always so gloomy to be fair)

When some of the lockdown restrictions were lifted, me and my girlfriend’s first trip was to a remote converted farmhouse on the side of a mountain in North Wales. Some days you’d be trapped indoors because a huge rain cloud had engulfed everything, but on sunny days you could see as far as the Lake District and the Isle of Man. You’d set off on a walk and you’d maybe meet 1 or 2 people all day, unless you walked 5 miles to the nearest village pub. There were more wild ponies and sheep than people. That was a really important time for me where I could have the space to think while the music of SEGUNDO circled in my head.

Another trip like that was when we went up to the Scottish highlands (to stay with my girlfriend’s friend (Sarah Bernstein who is also a writer), again very remote. You’d wake up one morning and see a pod of dolphins making their way across the bay. It was in September so all the purple heather was in bloom. I was getting high just looking at all that purple, it looked like them Richard Mosse photographs of The Congo. That’s what inspired the autotuned part in CURRY MILE. It may have been born in south Manchester, and then settled in Snowdonia, but it grew wings in the highlands. I think there’s more of a nature sound on this record, it’s like halfway between the concrete streets and nature. Like there’s earth, air, ice, water, moss and a small fire trying to stay alight under it all.

15. Writers are often saddled with self-doubt. Do you struggle to like your own shit, or does it all sound dope to you?

I constantly have self-doubt. I’d argue that’s what keeps me in check, but if there’s too much of it it becomes a real hindrance. I love my own shit but I have had to work for it. I always think of myself as someone to whom rapping does not come naturally. First off I’m from this cursed island of britain, and not even the happening part. There was no culture where I grew up, you had to get it all from television and radio, or movies and magazines. I was the only person I knew who wrote raps or was even into Hip-Hop (apart from Joanne from school who also liked Dizzee Rascal). If I ever came across another rapper it’d be the white kids who were into spitting over Makina and New Monkey type beats. So what I'm saying is I’ve taken many years to find my voice, and being quite isolated from any sort of rap scene has been both a good thing and a bad thing. Maybe my sword would be sharper if I was dueling on the daily. Maybe it’s ok to be a quirked-up country boy curry goated with the sauce busting it down Supreme Clientele style (we’ll get to that later). Either way I've put myself out there on the line and learnt a lot. 

When I was 15 I sent my first demo to DJ Excalibah who was doing the late night slot for underground and UK rap on BBC radio 1Xtra (he’s now an acclaimed theatre director), he gave me very honest constructive feedback. Something to the effect of the recording quality was bad (which it was) and I needed to work on my flow and my voice (tell me about it), but that my writing was up there with the best of them. That last part was enough for me to keep going. Meeting people like Moor Mother who was one of the first people to tell me she liked my voice really gave me encouragement to not doubt myself. I try to remember moments like this and do the same for others when they’re out here. 

It’s also having good honest mates around you, like Claudia (featured on the final reprise of MAKE THE SUN tagged on the end of CLOY ROYSTER), she suffers from a rare disease where she cannot lie to people, so that’s helpful in knowing what’s good. When James from the band Yard Act started demoing stuff with me for Miraculous Weapons he made a few suggestions to change a couple of lyrics because they were too on the nose, and usually I’m really stubborn and defensive about stuff like that but I trusted his opinion and he was right to be fair. Trust the people that know you.

16. Who’s a rapper you listen to with such a distinguishable style that you need to resist the urge to imitate them?

Ghostface is my anchor. My all time favourite rapper. He gave me the blueprint for my style of free-association. I even did an art project in school based on his verse on "Daytona 500." Him and DOOM (and probably Pos from De La Soul) basically show up in my life when I’m 14/15 and show me how beautiful and fun language can be. So while I may not imitate them per se, they gave me a key to unlock something in myself to put my own spin on how I see the world. Another key rapper I would say is Danny Brown, and that’s mainly because he’s such an anglophile. He bridges the gap between Grime and American rap. He could do a whole album spitting over 140 bpm beats (I mean he does this so effortlessly over Benga’s "26 Basslines"). You can hear that influence on “WHERE WE ARE” for sure. I love Mos Def so much and that’s probably why I gravitated towards Mach-Hommy, it’s the tone and melody they bring. I’m one of those rappers who secretly wishes they were a singer. I’ve always been really big on Dancehall emcees with really gruff voices too. I started doing this growl which I mostly do live, which is partly inspired by more doomy sludgey bands, but you listen to BackRoad Gee and he’s doing something really interesting with it. I played with Sons of Kemet one time and while I was backstage I could hear Shabaka practicing his horn coming through the vent in the next room, and he was listening to drill music and playing along to it. That’s what it is, the voice is an instrument and he shows you that through his music, he’s playing certain lines and I’m immediately thrown back to my living room after school watching emcees on Channel U, he makes very specific references to certain grime flows.

I’d like to think that I have so many influences that they all get mangled together to form something different, or that my bad impressions become a new voice altogether, at least I hope.

17. Do you have an agenda as an artist? Are there overarching concerns you want to communicate to the listener?

At the most basic level I just need something to rap over. I feel something and I wanna say something, so I make something, and then I try to make you feel what I felt. Now with that comes connection, but also unintended misinterpretation. And really the latter is what keeps this whole ting spinning. Evolution is just endless mistakes. Failure upon failure until it works for the moment and then until it doesn’t again. Hip-Hop is all about the flip, not just in terms of flipping samples but shifting perspective, I hope I can do that in my own way to some degree. I also want to just show people how connected they are, bring people together that wouldn’t be able to otherwise. It’s mad when I think of all the people I know and how most of them don’t know each other. You just gotta be a node and keep vibrating higher innit.

RAPS + CRAFTS is a series of questions posed to rappers about their craft and process. It is designed to give respect and credit to their engagement with the art of songwriting. The format is inspired, in part, by Rob McLennan’s 12 or 20 interview series.