#✺-- BILL CIPHER & STANFORD PINES: HERE WE’RE FAMILY

[ophiespeaks]

i am, once again, crawling back to gravity falls. i’ve stayed out of the loop so i could explore thisisnotawebsitedotcom by myself, and here are some of my authentic discoveries: (I don’t know if any of these are even new, knowing the fandom you probably figured all of these out the day it dropped tbh)

-“SOOS” gives a document of how he and his gf are doing running the mystery shack, including a goat train that runs through the forest (i love them)

-“TADSTRANGE” gives an erotic bread montage, because why not

-“PINATA” gives an irl video narrated by bill of a little girl beating the shit out of a bill cipher pinata

-“EVENHISLIESARELIES” i was spoonfed this one but bill is astronomically down bad for ford and it’s literally canon??? “because winning made him feel special. and good god, did he want to feel special” bill cipher your gay is showing.

-“WADDLES” leads to a pig adoption website

-“SEASONTHREE” says season 2, “SEASONTWO” says season 1, and “SEASONONE” says season -1: anti-gravity falls.

-“PACIFICA” tells us that the northwests still keep tapestries of bill, perhaps they could/would have something to do with his return??? pacifica and a “friend” destroyed everything with bill’s triangle symbol on it though, she’s a real one.

-“PLATINUMPAZ” is a code you’re given discreetly upon entering the aforementioned “PACIFICA.” This document is written like fan fiction, but obviously it’s canon, and details pacifica’s experience following northwest mansion mystery. It’s a longer document but essentially pacifica SIKES bill cipher like the girlboss she is when he tries to make a dream deal with her.

-“PINES” just says “a good family tree” lmao

-“SIXER” case file on Ford’s hand, written by (?) someone in the us government, apparently even as far back as when the Stans were 18, the government was working on cloning, so there’s that. Also, Ford is a finger donor!

-“BLINDEYE” gives one of those eye doctor letter tests, VERY blurry. if there’s a code here my blind ass hasn’t been able to decipher it. EDIT: it’s not blurry when you first try it!!! if you click on it it becomes blurry and i no longer know what the letters are.

-“MATPAT” and “GAMETHEORY” matthew patrick i am in your walls. it’s a video of beloved internet dad, Matpat from the Theory channels, saying we’re on our own for this one. Mathew if you don’t make a retirement special when this is all over, spoon-feeding me the answers i will do something illegal. Also, one of the notes on his board seems to read “abigail northwest,” but it’s not a code you can enter, so i’m not sure what it means.

-“GRAVITYFALLS” says ‘never heard of it’, alex hirsch when i catch you alex hirsch

-“MABEL” adds stickers and stars to the screen, eventually saying ‘lab now fully mabelized’ they stay there forever even if you relog the website.

-“DIPPER” tells pine tree to stare at the page for thirteen hours. spamming it changes the note, telling dipper he’s getting closer, but eventually the whole thing blacks out.

-“STANFORD” and “FORD” brings up the same page as “SIXER”, they are one and the same after all.

-“MCGUCKET” and “FIDDLEFORD” link to Cotton Eyed Joe by Rednex

-“STANLEY” and “STAN” links to ebay listings of brass knuckles

-“BILL” links to a sesame street video from 1969, jazzy triangle meets a square square. BillFord canon??? meanwhile, “CIPHER” and “BILLCIPHER”leads to the wikipedia page for the Eye of Providence, or the eye that watches the work of mankind.

-“GIDEON” leads to a google search of sweat-resistant bolo ties

-“LOVE” opens a book called ‘the love triangle”, tapping on it starts an audiobook of the first page of this book, detailing the narrator falling in love with bill cipher in a romantic period-piece. 10/10, but too short. give me the whole book.

-“GOD” links to a video of an Axolotl swimming in front of a submerged bill cipher statue. upon entering “GOD” again, the video does not play, some of the other videos behave in the same way such as “MATPAT.”

-“BLENDIN” responds with ‘time agent lost and presumed incompetent’

-“WEIRD” plays a video of Weird Al Yankovic yelling about how he’s trapped inside of the computer, and he calls for bill to help him. imagine my shock and horror coming across this the vanilla way, by just trying codes until something happens.

-“WEIRDMAGEDDON” is a newspaper clipping that shows nothing happened yesterday, soos got his head stuck in a honey pot and promptly said ‘and i’d do it again.”

-“TOBYDETERMINED” leads to a google search of ‘restraining order’

-“ROBBIE” pulls up AIM messages between him and thomson, detailing their experience ghost hunting for bill because robbie thinks bill will have to grant them three wishes. included is a great drawing in camcorder style of them running away from an eldritch-looking bill. included, but seemingly not sent, are messages in the text box, and it seems we’re reading from thompson’s perspective. it vaguely alludes that bill may be operating inside of thompson??? erm what the sigma?

-“SKIBIDI” “RIZZ” “FORTNITE” and “GYATT” revokes ur life privileges, but “SIGMA” does nothing.

-“QUESTION” responds with ‘answer’ and vice versa.

-“SCIENTOLOGY” responds with ‘suppressive person detected,” don’t ask why i tried scientology, i was going through science-themed inputs and it came to me like a vision.

-“ALEX” and “ALEXHIRSCH” link to a google search of ‘flannel.’ alex hirsch is lumberjack???

-“JOURNAL 3” responds with ‘the journal for me.’

-“JOURNAL 2” responds with ‘the journal for you’

-“JOURNAL 1” responds with “the journal of fun”

-“SEX” “FUCK” “SHIT” and other curses gives a pop-up that says “not S&P approved, wash your mouth out with soap.”

-“WHOAREYOU” responds with ‘i could ask you the same question’

-“REALITY” responds with ‘is an illusion’

-“FBI” and “CIA” responds with ‘your webcam is on. we are watching.’

-“HOLOGRAM” responds with ‘universe’ and vice versa.

-“SCARY” gives a R.L Stine goosebumps knockoff called The Book Of Bill, with the tagline ‘can you survive the tri-strangler?’ and it seems like it should be an audiobook like the “LOVE” entry, but i can’t hear any audio.

-“THEBOOKOFBILL” responds with ‘hide it under shirt during pledge of allegiance’ ???WHAT???

-“MASON” brings up a note about anagrams, assuredly written in-part by Dipper. idk if mason is even canon i always just assumed it was tbh.

-“LIFE” responds with ‘life:72% complete. now loading death.’

-“DEATH” responds with ‘life’s goth cousin’

-“DADDY” “BABY” and “MOMMY” (listen i was trying anything that came to mind) responds with a pop-up of a baby-bill cipher in an ultrasound, and a message that says ‘congrats! guess what’s growing inside you right now? see you in nine months, papa!’ NEW SEASON IN NINE MONTHS CONFIRMED???? (/j) also— mpreg is gravity falls canon???

———

if i was alex hirsch, these are inputs i would add because i was SHOCKED they WEREN’T there:

-“4 8 15 16 23 42” inputting that into an old-style computer should yield some kind of easter egg. LOST was too big of a cultural phenomena for it to not be a secret code here.

-“CANDY” and “GRENDA.” alex you thought of skibidi but not MABELS ONLY TWO FRIENDS???

-“TWINS” seriously this is like the main thing that keeps repeating, even just linking to a wiki page would be rewarding.

-typing in cryptids should link to pages for them, at least. imagine my shock when i typed in “BIGFOOT” to no avail.

-“SEEYOUNEXTSUMMER” should’ve been an easy one tbh

-“PINETREE” “SHOOTINGSTAR” etc. could just link to the same thing as entering their respective names, like “DIPPER” and “MABEL” respectively.

-“HINT” should do something, even if it just tells you no.

-“?” having no results is bonkers

-“SANSUNDERTALE” would be really funny i think

-“THETRUTH” should respond with ‘is out there’

[ask-dippers-second-family]

If you’ve ever seen an old post of ours no you haven’t. That shit was cringe so we’re starting over and revamping the entire AU LMAO

We probably won’t keep drawing for every ask cuz that takes too much effort, but we’ll do our best to keep up for as long as the hyperfixation lasts! Hopefully lessening the workload will make this last longer

As of right now, Bill has been sent to live with the Pines family, completely powerless as one final test to see if he can truly be better. Though he’s only been gone for three years or so, he’s spent much, much longer in the Theraprism.

Oh yeah, and he’s no longer a human. Him being a powerless triangle is significantly funnier.

But yeah, we’re back! Send asks, do whatever, who cares! Just don’t be a dick (unless you’re playing a character, in which case, please make that clear)

Each character will sign their name on a post so you’ll know who’s talking! Here’s a guide to each signature:

- BILL CIPHER ⚠️

- CASSANDRA 🔥

- Aaron Cipher 👁

- Dipper 🌲

- Mabel!!! 💫

- Stanford Pines 🖋

- Stan Pines 💸

- Fiddleford McGucket 👓

This blog is run by a two-man system, and whoever’s in front will handle the out-of-character posting. It’ll mostly be the same person (me, Princey), but there’s always the off chance that Kat will have to step in. Here’s how you know which one of us you’re talking to!

- Mod Princey 👑

- Mod Kat ❤️‍🔥

[briilliance1]

TAG DUMP

[seaofghouls]

Gravity Falls Iplier AU [ Dark x Reader ] Part 6

Hello! It’s the first encounter with the dorito! Taglist: @a-frozen-bag-of-corn @crazy-obsessed-fangirl @lunariasilver Episode: Dreamscapers Dark, Y/N, Mabel, and Soos were all walking in the woods, laughing, when they heard strange things. 

Running over to the direction of the noise, they found Gideon summoning a demon, using a summoning spell. He seemed to be in immense pain.

Y/N bit their lip nervously, as they knew that once a summoning started, it couldn’t be interrupted. 

Everything was grey and time seemed to slow. A triangle figure lit aflame and started to laugh maniacally. “Gravity Falls, it is good to be back!” He exclaimed.

He flew in front of Gideon. “The name’s Bill Cipher! I take it you're some kind of living ventriloquist dummy? Kidding! I know who you are, Gideon.” 

“What are you? How do you know my name?!” Gideon exclaimed.

“I know lots of things! LOTS OF THINGS!” Bill said.

“Listen to me demon! I need you to enter the mind of Stanford Pines and steal the code to his safe!” Gideon ordered. 

“Hm, Stanford Pines. Ah! I’ll help you kid! As long as you give me something in return! Deal?” Bill stuck his hand out, blue fire coming from his hand.

“Deal!” Gideon said, shaking the demon’s hand.

“Welp! Time to go invade Stan’s mind! Remember, reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold, BYE!” Bill said before vanishing.

“It worked!” Gideon laughed before taking off.

“What are we going to do??” Mabel asked.

“The only thing we can do. Face the triangular demon.” Dark said.

Y/N nodded, sighing.

“So, we gotta enter his mind and go after that dorito?” Y/N asked.

“Yeah. Let’s get Dipper, as well. He’s got the journal, so he’s our best bet. Besides, this is his uncle we’re talking about.” Dark said.

Y/N nodded as they walked back to the shack.

Mabel and Soos explained the situation to Dipper, but he wasn’t the most willing. 

“Why should I save him from a demon? I’ve done nothing but work for him all day.” Dipper groaned. 

“Please, Dipper. This is a demon we’re talking about. We need your help.” Y/N said.

“..Fine.” Dipper sighed. 

Dipper recited the incantation to enter Stan’s mind and they all blacked out. When they woke up, they were in Stan’s mind. 

“Ugh..” Y/N groaned, rubbing their head.

It was a grey version of the Mystery Shack, just like how it was when Gideon summoned Bill. 

“Remember guys, we gotta look out for the triangle guy.” Mabel said.

“Yeah, look out for the triangle guy!” Bill copied.

“It’s him! It’s the guy!” Soos said. 

“You leave our uncle’s mind alone!” Mabel cried before trying to tackle Bill. It didn’t work.

“Ah, Stan’s family and friends.” Bill said.

“Shooting Star, Question Mark, Pine Tree, Mirror, and Darkness.” Bill recited.

Bill went on a tangent about how he needed the code to Stan’s safe to complete his deal with Gideon.

“Well, guess we better get to the code first, eh?” Y/N said after he left.

“Yes, that would be wise.” Dark said.

They searched through the memory doors for what felt like hours.

They eventually found the code to the safe, but unfortunately they didn’t realize that Bill was disguised as Soos until a second Soos walked in.

“Hey guys! I just found a memory of Stan roller skating and wearing short shorts! Wait a minute, something weird is going on here.” Soos said.

Bill laughed as he transformed back into his original form.

Looking over at Dark, Y/N knew he was beating himself up for not being able to find Bill out.

They took his hand, attempting to comfort him.

“It’s funny how dumb you are.” Bill said.

He ran off and Y/N ran after him.

“Y/N!” Dark called out, following them.

The rest soon followed after, after a confrontation from Dipper.

Mabel waited until Bill was distracted on a call with Gideon to shoot the combination into a bottomless pit.

“No!” Bill cried.

“Yes!” Y/N cheered.

“You! You have no idea what you just cost me!” Bill started to turn red.

“Do you have any idea what I’m like when I’m mad?!” He seethed.

He used his powers to lift everyone into the air on top of a monument.

“Woah!” Y/N cried.

Bill grew 100 times his size.

“Eat nightmares!” Bill cried.

He ruined Mabel’s cuteness and summoned a british bulldog for Mabel and Soos.

When it came to Y/N and Dark however, he summoned an illusion of Actor.

“Please! Anything but that!” Y/N shook, while Dark tried to stand his ground.

“Ah, hello old friends! You’ll be wonderful subjects in my story~” He laughed, in a distorted tone.

Y/N couldn’t move out of fear.

“Hey Bill!” Dipper called out.

“What?!” Bill cried.

“Nice bowtie!” Dipper used laser eyes to incinerate his bowtie.

Dipper explained the powers of the mindscape while Bill was down.

Mabel and Soos attacked Bill with their powers, he was eventually forced to retreat.

“Enough!” Bill cried, turning everything white.

“You guys have impressed me. You’re a lot smarter than you look. You might come in handy later. Just know, I’ll be watching you~” Bill said, vanishing again. 

The white faded out and Y/N and Dark shot up in their cabin. 

“We.. we did it!” Y/N exclaimed. 

They hugged Dark with a grin.

Dark hugged them back, with a smile of his own.

Walking outside, Y/N’s smile dropped.

Gideon had the deed and was destroying the Mystery Shack as the Pines family stood outside with shock.

“There goes my job.” Y/N frowned.

“How are we going to be able to pay for rent now?” Y/N said sadly.

“Don’t worry, dear. We’ll figure something out. We always do.” Dark tried to comfort them.

“Even in the darkest hour.” He sighed.

...

[nataliedanovelist]

GF - Shards of Glass 2/2

After over thirty years, Ma is getting paid a visit, all thanks to the persuasion of a sweater-making, pig-loving teenager. (Here’s part 2, as promised. Hope it lives up to everyone’s expectations!)

@thestanbros

~~~~~~~~~~

Despite it being over forty years since he had been home, Stan found it so easy and so familiar as he walked down the sidewalks with his family that he could probably travel blindfolded. So many times he and Ford had walked down this way for home from the beach, just in time for dinner.

It was sad how much anxiety Stan was having over visiting his own mother, how badly his stomach was turning; he attempted to distract himself by observing his childhood home. The buildings hadn't changed much, except for the interiors. Almost every business that was here in his youth was either replaced or drastically renovated. Except for the Belgian Waffle Store, that place was bustling with people eating a late-breakfast or an early-lunch.

And there it was. Sandwiched between the waffle joint and a new shoe store was the old pawn shop that had been transformed into a comic book store. Mabel grinned and rushed up to the windows, pressing her face against it to get a good look at the displayed comics. "Wow! You should feel right at home, huh Grunkle Stan?"

He snorted a quick laugh. "Bet this place'll make more money now than it ever did for our old man."

Mabel entered with Dipper by his side. The old men lingered but eventually wandered inside. Ford was gently reminded of a comfortable library. Where Pa's shelves of expensive products used to be now had beanbags and a coffee table in its place. A desk stood where his desk once stood, now hosting a young lady with brown hair in a ponytail and she smiled. "Hi! Finding everything okay?"

Mabel hopped on over while Dipper stalled, intrigued by a science-fiction comic book he had heard of but never read. "Hi! I'm Mabel! Is Caryn Pines here?"

The young lady grinned and nodded. "Oh yeah! She's home, just go up these stairs here and knock. Sweet lady, let me and Lindsey room with her for cheaper rent, she's the best roommate anyone could ask for. Friends of her?"

"You could say that," Dipper said easily and started for the stairs, the ones that led to the door for the living room. "C'mon."

Mabel and Dipper entered the closed-in stairwell with the grunkles behind them, halfway through, Ford stopped them. "Wait, kids, maybe… maybe you should say hi to her first."

Mabel turned and gave him a warning look with her hands on her hips. "You're not gonna run away, are you?"

"No, that's not what I had in mind." Ford said, though it didn't sound like a bad idea. "This is a lot to take in, so… maybe we should do this gradually."

Stan nodded. "Yeah, let her say hi to your kids first, okay?"

Dipper and Mabel exchanged looks and then nodded, agreeing that this was a good idea. Mabel then hurried to the door and knocked cheerfully.

"C'min."

Mabel opened the door and grinned at the sight before her. Sitting at her window, though her glowing pink eye long gone, Ma Pines sat with her ankles crossed and some knitting in her hands, still in white heels, but now sporting a red skirt with a white sweater and her long hair, now silver-white, was still up in her bun and she could never say no to her golden earrings and bracelets. Her eyes were just as keen as ever and she held herself up with that same confidence she always had. At the sight of her great-grandchildren, she smiled calmly and said spookily as she sat her knitting aside, "Ah, I've been expectin' choo two."

Mabel gasped with shining eyes. "Really?!"

Ma laughed and waved her little fib away. "Nah, that's just something I used to tell customers." No longer playing pretend, she grinned and opened her arms, "Now c'mere and hug this old lady!"

Mabel had never seen such a beautiful smile. She ran into her arms and hugged her tightly. She smelled like an old lady, maybe too much perfume with a hint of freshly baked bread and… vapor rub? Some sort of lotion? Whatever. Dipper soon joined the hug and Ma's thin arms hugged them tightly. The twins wondered if she would ever let them go, but soon she held them by the shoulders to look at them.

"Look at choo." Ma awed. "Just look at choo… You're both so beautiful. You're both almost adults. Holy Moses, who gave choo two permission to grow up?"

Mabel giggled and squeezed her hand. "It's so good to see you, Ma! We've really missed you!"

"I've missed you, too. Your father doesn't brin' choo down here nearly enough. Speakin' of which, where is Alex? Browsin' the store?"

Dipper rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Actually, he's still in California with Mom."

"We came here with someone else," Mabel said open-ended.

The older pair of twins, who were listening at the door, exchanged petrified looks, but they knew they couldn't leave their mother waiting any longer. Ford opened the door and they both stepped in silently to allow Ma to react as she saw fit.

Stan pulled off his beanie and held it with both hands while Ford pocketed his hands in his jacket. The old scientist swallowed and looked down at the carpeted floor. His twin did the opposite, his eyes locked on his mother as he took in her appearance and how she had changed. At the same time, she was staring at her sons with a hard expression on her face, both stern and difficult to read.

Ford took in a deep breath and muttered, "Hello, Ma."

Stan cracked a nervous smile and quipped, "You look good." And then he mentally kicked himself. What the hell was that?!

Ma stood and Dipper and Mabel moved aside. Everyone in the room was nervous, except for the old lady, who had a collective atmosphere to her that terrified everyone even more, unsure of how long it would last. When she was only a step or two away from her grown children, Ma said quietly, "So, choo finally decided to come clean?"

The men whose father named them both Stan stared at her in astoundment. "What?" They both gasped.

"Stanley, sweetheart," Ma sighed with a smile and she shook her head. "Choo might pull a great impression of your brother, but I know choo better than that. Even as kids I could always tell the difference. Always." She bit her lip as her eyes filled with tears. "Now, do I get to hug my sons or not?" She croaked with open arms.

Stan's bottom lip trembled and Ford just stared as he realized just how wonderful his mother truly was, and then both grown men quickly embraced her and held her tightly.

"We're so sorry."

"Please forgive us."

"We're so sorry."

"Please forgive us."

"Choo darlin' idiots," Ma said and squeezed them back tightly, as each face was buried in her shoulder and everyone's breathing was much more controlled now. "It's okay."

"Ma, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"Stanley…"

"No, I mean it. I should've…"

"I should have done more when I had the chance…"

"Stanford…"

"We're so sorry."

"Please forgive us."

"Hey, hey," Ma was now rubbing circles into their backs. "It's alright. It's alright. I always knew and already forgave choo."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Stan asked.

"I knew choo had your reasons." Ma replied calmly. "I trust my little free spirit."

They heard a sniff come from behind Ma and they all looked at the teenagers to find Mabel scrubbing her eyes with a fist and Dipper rolling his eyes at his sister with a small smile.

"Sweetheart, you're not cryin', are you?" Ma asked lightly.

Mabel shook her head. "N-No…" Her smile unwavering through her white lie.

Ma chuckled and let her boys go. "Well, you two owe me an explanation, and I got a feelin' it's gonna take a while. How 'bout some tea and cookies?"

"Yes, please." Mabel said and followed her great-grandmother into the kitchen to help.

It was like when Ford first came out of the portal all over again. Except this time they were in the warm sunshine, but the cold basement. Except this time they sipped on hot tea and nibbled on old gingersnaps. Except they began the storytelling from when Ford sent the postcard and skipped to when Dipper and Mabel first arrived in Gravity Falls. Except this story had a much happier ending. And the four visiting Pines silently agreed to keep Bill Cipher in the dark and they made it sound like at the end of the summer Ford and Stan rekindled their relationship on their own without needing a mind-wipe to do it.

By the time the sun was setting on the buildings, Ma was wearing Mabel's new purple sweater and she was nodding and satisfied with the tale. Really, when her sons gave it some thought, it was ridiculous to think they could pull the wool over the eyes of not only one of the greatest conmen they have ever known, but their own mother.

Now it was time for Ma to have some fun. When filling her in was over, Mabel gleefully requested, "Tell us embarrassing stuff about our grunkles!"

Ma laughed and stood. "Hold that thought, sweetheart. I have something you'll like…" She went to a bookshelf and pulled out an old black photo album. She opened it and sat next to Mabel, lying the book on her lap. Mabel gasped and grinned to find two newborn babies lying in a crib and sleeping together, wrapped burrito-style in blankets and they had little hats to keep their heads warm.

"AW!"

"Yup, that's when we brought the boys home." Ma laughed as Dipper looked down at the pair of twins in the black-and-white picture. "Choo know, Stanford was born first, but the whole time he was without Stanley he cried his whittle heart out…"

"Ma!"

"What, it's true."

"Since when do you love the truth so much?" Ford asked cheekily and smiled at her playfully.

"Alright, mister, let's see how your niece likes this picture…"

"SAILOR SUITS!" Mabel screamed and her eyes grew to the size of saucers. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, OH MY GOSH! You guys were so cute!"

"Oh, this is them getting a bath…"

"MA!"

After half an hour of embarrassing her sons without mercy, Ma gave Mabel the scrapbook only asking that her great-granddaughter take good care of it and use it to blackmail her sons. It was time for the sailors to return to the boat, so she stood at the back door in the neatly-kept alleyway and hugged the kids goodbye. She snuck in a kiss on each of their cheeks before looking at her sons.

Immediately her expression turned cold and she growled, "And if any of choo knuckleheads pull a stunt like that again…"

It didn't matter that the twins were in their sixties; they were just as terrified now as they were in their youth. They nodded in sync and Stan said, "I swear, Ma. And… we'll do a better job staying in touch. I promise."

Ford nodded in agreement and Ma's expression immediately softened. "That's all I want." She said with a smile. "A phone call every so often is all I ask for."

Ford nodded and smiled. "We'll call you. We love you."

"I love you two, babies, c'mere." With one last squeeze and a swift kiss on each of their cheeks, Ford and Stan finally found the strength to let her go.

As they walked down the sidewalk and headed for home, the two pairs of twins looked back and found Ma still standing there and waving them goodbye. They waved in return and turned around for their next adventure.

[thelastspeecher]

Pirate AU - Down to Davy Jones’

This is a Gravity Falls AU, so naturally there is an equivalent to the portal incident, where Ford gets stuck somewhere for a long time.  Here is that moment in this AU.  Some angst, some Stangst, and some dad!Stan.

Enjoy.

——————————————————————————————

              Small footsteps sounded on the deck, immediately followed by Manly Dan’s distinctive, booming voice.

              “NO, Daisy, your DAD said no HARPOONS!” Daisy’s giggled response wasn’t legible through the closed door, but Stan knew that she wasn’t going to give up the weapon easily.

              “You should probably go help Dan,” Angie said. “We’re done with our meetin’.” Stan didn’t get up from his chair, set across from Angie’s desk.

              “No, we aren’t,” Stan said.  Angie looked up from the papers she was perusing.  “You finished saying your piece, now I have to say mine.”

              “I…didn’t realize ya had somethin’ to say,” Angie said, bemused.  She took off her reading glasses.  “What’s wrong?”

              “I’m just…”  Stan sighed.  “I’ve been thinking about the girls lately.”

              “I certainly hope so.  They are yer children.”

              “Not like-”  Stan huffed impatiently.  “I’ve been thinking about how they’re only three, but they live on a fucking pirate ship.”

              “And?”

              “Angie, you’re not dumb.  You can’t think this is a good environment for two toddlers!”

              “What do ya want to do?” Angie asked calmly. “Settle on land?  I’d stay at home, birthing and tending to children, and you’d find some professional, well-paying job?  Or maybe you’d want to pursue farmin’ like my pa.”

              “Not all of that.  Just the settling on land part.”

              “There aren’t a lot of options fer us on land. We’re wanted criminals, fer one thing.”

              “No one knows your real name,” Stan pointed out. “And I’m fine using your real last name, since Stan Pines is a known pirate.”  Angie sighed.  “I know that it would be difficult to figure out, but we can make it work.  I really think we should give up the whole pirate thing.”

              “Stan-”

              “Angie, it’s not safe for our kids to live on a pirate ship,” Stan said firmly.  Anger flashed in Angie’s eyes at being talked over.  Stan forged ahead.  “It’s not just the rusted metal and weapons.  It’s the fact that we literally have battles.  Danny and Daisy are three.  They shouldn’t be anywhere near a swordfight.”

              “I…”  Angie chewed on her lip.  “I just…” She sighed again.  “I made this my life’s purpose.  I built my whole life ‘round bein’ a pirate, I can’t just give it up. At this point, it’s part of who I am!”

              “I know.  But I just- I don’t think I can do this anymore,” Stan said softly.  “Not with our baby girls on board.”

              “I understand.  And I don’t want ‘em hurt or near any sort of danger, either,” Angie said. She reached out and took hold of Stan’s hand.  Stan gently traced the scars on the back of her hand with his thumb.  “I’ll think ‘bout it.  At the very least, we should be able to-”  There was a loud crash.  The ship tilted heavily.  “Fucking hell!”  The door to Angie’s cabin slammed open, revealing Greg.

              “Captain, First Mate, we have a problem.”

              “What?” Angie asked.

              “It’s the Armageddon,” Greg said.  Stan could feel the blood drain from his face. “She came out of nowhere!”

              “Are we lucky enough that the Armageddon’s had a change of captain?” Angie asked, getting up from her desk.  Greg shook his head.  “Fantastic.  Have Dan bring the girls belowdeck.  Stan and I will do our best to handle things.”

----- 

              “Handle things” ended up meaning what it meant the previous times the pirate-hunting ship previously named Orion but now called Armageddon had caught up to them.  It meant a fight.  Stan couldn’t see anything other than the sailors directly in front of him, but a voice cut through the sounds of battle.

              “He’s heading belowdeck!”

              “Who?” Stan called.

              “Bill!” came the reply.  To Stan’s left, there was a loud swear that would put the filthiest of sailor’s mouths to shame.

              My blushing bride.  Said bride cut down the sailor between her and Stan.  Angie’s eyes were wild with rage and terror.

              “Come on!”  Angie grabbed Stan’s hand and dragged him through the chaos, following Bill into the belly of the ship, where Danny and Daisy were hiding with Dan. They caught up to Bill, just before he was about to enter the room that had been designated as the girls’ hiding place. “Bill!”  Captain Bill Cipher turned around, grinning evilly.

              “Hello, Captain Sally,” he said slimily.  Stan’s heart leapt to his throat.  Now that Bill had turned, Stan could tell the captain held Ford in front of him, a knife tickling his throat.  “I’d be careful if I were you.  You’d hate to kill your brother-in-law.  Especially after he committed treason for you.”  Angie snarled.  “Now, go back to the battle.  I have more important things to do.”

              “We’re not going anywhere,” Stan spat.  Bill shrugged.

              “If you insist.  Maybe you can help me find what I’m looking for, then.”  A vicious glint appeared in his single eye, a weak amber that almost looked yellow.  “A one-of-a-kind relic with a one-of-a-kind enchantment.”  Hunger entered Bill’s gaze.  “The ability to open a gate to Davy Jones’ Locker.”  He cocked his head, grin broadening further.  “It’s a funny coincidence, since that’s exactly where pirate scum like you belong.”

              “You’re a fool, Cipher,” Angie said calmly.  Out of the corner of his eye, Stan saw Angie slowly reach for her pocket.  Unfortunately, Bill saw it as well.  Too quickly for Stan to intervene, Bill cast Ford aside, grabbed Angie’s shirt, and pulled her to the ground.

              “Uh-uh.  No guns, lady,” he said in a faux-sweet tone.  Angie hissed at him.  He put his knife to her neck.  “Do you want a new scar to match the one you’ve already got?  If so, feel free to struggle.”  Angie reluctantly stilled.  Stan rushed over to where Ford had fallen.  “That’s right, help your brother while your wife is on the floor.”

              “You piece of-” Stan started.

              “Ah, ah, ah!” Bill said, pressing the knife blade against Angie’s neck.  A bead of blood appeared.  Stan swallowed his insult.

              “Stanley,” Ford whispered.  “Here.”  He pressed something into Stan’s hand.  Stan looked down.  It was some sort of pendant, composed of a glowing opal ringed by gold.  “You’re the only one I can trust with this.”

              “Not so fast, Fordsy,” Bill snarled.  The feigned light tone was gone.  He finished drawing the knife across Angie’s neck, then tossed her to the side.  Stan’s heart plummeted to his feet.  “I thought you might be holding out on me, you-”

              “R hvmw bv gl gsv ylggln lu gsv hvz!” Ford shouted, suddenly shoving Stan off and tackling Bill.  There was a deranged look in his bloodshot eyes.  He gripped the front of Bill’s shirt.  “Drgs nv.”  The pendant in Stan’s hand glowed brighter.  As the light filled the room, droplets of water fell from the ceiling, building from a slow trickle to a gushing waterfall that enveloped Ford and Bill.

              “Stanford!” Stan shouted over the roaring water.  The light of the pendant grew brighter still, forcing Stan to close his eyes.

              When he opened them again, Ford and Bill were gone. What little remained of the water had puddled on the floorboards.  Angie, still on the floor but now soaked through, slowly sat up.

              “What…in the hell…just happened?” she croaked. Stan quickly moved to her side.

              “Stay still,” he instructed.  “If you move too much, you might bleed out.”

              “Relax.  He didn’t really cut me that bad,” Angie said with a scoff.  “This just feels like the ship cat got a bit too frisky with me.” She smiled weakly at Stan.  “I know neck wounds, and this one isn’t a problem at all.”

              “Well, that’s good.”  Stan sat down next to her.  “That’s…the only thing that’s good.”

              “What happened?”

              “I don’t know.  Ford gave me this glowing thing, and then he started saying gibberish, and then it glowed more, and there was water, and-”

              “Stop.”  Angie held up a hand.  “What did Ford give you?”

              “This.”  Stan opened the hand that was still clenched tight around the pendant.  The brilliant glow of the opal had completely faded, leaving it dull.  Angie took the pendant from him curiously.  “I swear, it was glowing earlier.”

              “I believe you,” Angie said softly.  She closed her eyes.  “This is…a big old mess.”

              “Understatement of the century.”  A moment passed.  “So, uh, I know you said we would talk about the whole moving to land thing, but there’s no way the girls can stay on the ship when this sorta shit happens.” There was a beat.  Angie nodded.

              “I agree.”

-----

              “Let me take that.”  Stan took the chair from Angie.  She glared at him.  “You gotta be careful about how much weight you carry.”

              “That’s a chair, Stanley Stanford McGucket,” Angie scolded, hands on her hips.  “Not an anvil.”

              “Can you blame me for being extra cautious?” Stan asked.  He set down the chair just by the front door, then returned to Angie and placed a hand on her already swelling belly.  “We’ve got another little twerp on the way.”  Angie sighed.

              “No, I can’t blame ya.”

              “Good.  Now, go sit in that chair while I bring the rest of the stuff in.”

              “But-”

              “We’re not on the ship anymore, Captain,” Stan interjected.  “You can’t command me.”  Angie raised an eyebrow.

              “Yer playin’ a dangerous game, husband of mine,” she said, but sat down in the chair anyways.  She leaned back, watching Stan bring the rest of the furniture in. Shortly after Stan began to move ashore with Danny and Daisy, Angie discovered she was pregnant again and, hoping to avoid the traumatic birth she’d had previously, as well as help her family settle down, decided to join her husband and daughters on land.

              To be honest, Angie was kind of glad to have an excuse to be on land.  Yes, she might not strictly need an excuse, but she still liked having it.  Stan was clearly haunted and troubled by what had happened to Ford.  He needed all the support he could get.

              To be even more honest, Angie wasn’t being half as argumentative as usual, out of concern for Stan’s mental state.

              Not that I’ll ever tell him why I’m bein’ so gentle.

              “It’s gonna be great to have us all here as a little family,” Stan said, carrying a dresser.  He grinned.  “Y’know, it’s basically what I wanted when I was a kid.  Wife, kids, my own business.”

              “This is temp’rary fer me, though,” Angie reminded him.  “I’m only ashore fer the pregnancy and post-partum period.  After, I’m headin’ back to sea.”  Stan set down the dresser with a grimace.

              “Angie…”

              “It’s not like I’m abandonin’ ya.  It’ll be like merchant fam’lies what have the father gone to transport tea and whatnot.  But in this case, it’s the mother.”

              “I guess.”

              “I know yer not happy-”

              “Yeah, I’m not happy.”  Stan took a breath.  “But I just have to deal with it.  Who knows? Maybe you’ll love your time ashore so much, you decide to stay.”

              “Don’t hold yer breath hopin’ fer that possibility, love.”

              “Yeah, yeah,” Stan muttered.  “You better be giving me a son, by the way.  That’ll make being a single parent more worth it.”

              “I know yer jokin’, but don’t say that ‘round the girls.  They won’t understand.”

              “Right.  Speaking of the girls, uh, where are they?” Stan asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

              “Yer not pretendin’ ya don’t know where yer children are as a way of me stickin’ ‘round, are ya?  I know full well yer capable of takin’ care of ‘em,” Angie said.  Stan frowned at her.  “They’re with Maria.  She should be bringin’ ‘em back any minute.”

              “Mama!” a voice screeched.  “Papa!”  Three-year-old Danny and Daisy ran up, wrapping their arms around Stan’s legs.

              “Hey there, little pirates,” Stan chuckled, ruffling their hair.  “Didja have a good time with Mrs. Ramirez?”

              “Don’t be silly, Stanley,” Maria said, walking over to them.  Her grandson, Soos, was holding her hand.  “I’m not Mrs. Ramirez.  I’m Abuelita.”

              “Yeah!” Daisy said loudly.  Soos broke free of his grandmother’s grip and ran to Stan.

              “Mr. McGucket, can you tell me a pirate story?” he asked eagerly.  Stan grinned.

              “Like you need to ask!  Come on in, kid!”  Cheering, the children followed Stan inside.  Angie got up from the chair and embraced Maria.

              “I’m so glad you kids settled here in Gravity Falls,” Maria said.  Angie smiled.

              “Well, you and Soos seemed really happy here. And Stan was thrilled to be close to you two.”

              “Yes, Soos is a wonderful boy.”  Maria raised an eyebrow at Angie.  “So, what are your plans?”  

              “Stan wants to turn part of the house into a pawn or antiques shop,” Angie answered.  “After all, we have plenty of things from our adventures that he can sell.  And since I won’t be giving up piracy, I’ll be able to help restock.”

              And if Stan sells interesting relics, he’s more likely to meet people who might know something about the pendant that sent Ford away.  Said relic was locked tight in a chest, tucked away beneath the floorboards of their bedroom.

              “You’re not quitting?” Maria asked, surprised. Angie shook her head.  “Surprising.”

              “I just…”  Angie looked down at her feet.  She toed the grass.  “I probably will eventually.  But not yet. I have more I want to do.”

              “I understand.  Though I don’t understand why you and Stan went with the last name ‘McGucket’.”

              “…It’s actually my real last name,” Angie mumbled, rubbing the back of her neck.  “My real name is Angie McGucket.  So I went back to that.  And since Stan Pines is a known pirate, he took my last name.”

              “Ah.”  Maria looked Angie up and down, then put her hands on her hips.  “You need to eat more!  You’re pregnant, but look at you!  You’re skin and bones, mija!”  Angie laughed.

              “I was wonderin’ how long it would take fer ya to try to feed me.”

              “Try?  I am not going to try, dear.  Come inside, I will make you something to eat.”

              “Maria, this is my house.”

              “So?” Maria asked, walking into the house.  “I can use a kitchen even if it is not mine.”

              With a chuckle, Angie followed her inside.

[orangeoctopi7]

A Small Setback

@stanuary Here with week one. The Theme is “Burn” and I’ve got a sequel to last year’s oneshot “A Minor Inconvenience”

***

It had been a few days since the elder Pines twins had received definitive proof that little bits of Bill were still floating around in Stan’s head. Ford had immediately set a course for the nearest land, a Norwegian island called Spitsbergen, where he was planning on doing some more in-depth research. He had already collected all his notes on the Dreamscape and Bill, as well as contacted Fiddleford for more data on the effects of the memory gun. When the old inventor asked why his old friend needed this information, Ford simply replied it was to help Stan with some unforeseen side-effects. 

What sort of side-effects? Fiddleford’s next email replied. I’d have a better idea of what data to send you if I knew what he was experiencing. 

He’s asked me to keep it confidential. Ford replied back. Just send everything.

The next email Ford got from McGucket contained an attachment so big, it took over 24 hours to download with their limited internet bandwidth at sea. 

The old researcher also asked his brother to start keeping a dream journal, and routinely asked Stan to recount all he could remember of his fateful encounter with Bill last summer. By now, Stan was getting a bit exasperated by it all.

“Seriously, it was over six months ago!” he whined, “I don’t remember any more of it now than I did yesterday! Can we just drop it?”

Ford looked ready to argue, but he must have changed his mind before he opened his mouth. “Ok, ok, if it’s frustrating you that much, I’ll stop asking.”

“Thank you.” Stan sighed. 

“We'll just have to find another way to figure out what happened.” 

Stan rolled his eyes. Of course he wasn't free to go yet.

“I've been going through the data Fiddleford sent me. The memory eraser doesn't actually erase memories, it just subliminalizes them by severing the main neurological connections.”

“... Meaning?”

“The memory is still in your head, you just can't recall it.”

“Great. What good does that do us?”

“I might be able to find access to the entire memory through your dreamscape.”

Stan grimaced. “So you wanna go digging around in my head again?” 

“Well I don’t want to, but it’s our best option to learn how Bill survived.”

“Didn’t he tell you the last time you were in there? Something about Tylenol?”

“Xolotl,” Ford corrected, “An Aztec god of death, among other things. I’m having trouble figuring out exactly how it’s connected to Bill. Which is why I need to know exactly what happened.”

“Alright, fine.” Stan consented. “But no more reading outta your nerd textbooks!”

“Oh, don’t worry, we won’t be needing that.” Ford assured him. “I need you awake this time.”

Stan raised his eyebrows curiously. “Didn’t think it worked that way.”

“Well, to be perfectly honest, I’m not entirely certain it will work.”

“... should I be worried?”

“No, no, worst case scenario, I recite the spell and just stay in my own head.”

“Great. Let’s get this over with.”

***

Stan sat in the middle of a ring of candles glowing dimly in the perpetual darkness of the arctic winter. Ford extinguished his match and stood behind his brother. Stan turned in his chair to watch.

“Don’t pay any attention to me.” Ford instructed. “Just close your eyes and concentrate on what you can remember about beating Bill. Tune me out.”

“Heh, got plenty of practice doing that.” Stan chuckled nervously.

“Concentrate.” Ford reminded him.

Stan took a deep breath and closed his eyes. There wasn’t much he remembered, and it wasn’t something he liked to dwell on. For the most part, all he remembered was blue flames, Bill begging for his pathetic life, and then punching the filthy dorito out of existence. More than anything, he remembered how he felt. Fear, then determination, a grim sense of satisfaction, and finally, acceptance. He tried to focus on those feelings and ignore Ford reciting the incantation. 

***

Stanford really hoped this would work. As he finished the incantation, there was a blue flash of light, which was a good sign. He opened his eyes, and sure enough, he no longer saw himself in the darkened galley of the Stan’o’War II, but back on the deck of Stan’s mindscape. There was a major difference this time though: Stan was actually standing there, clutching a treasure chest in his hands. It was severely damaged, blackened and burned. It seemed as though it might fall apart if someone looked at it the wrong way, but streams of blue light leaked out of it.

Ford reached out and lightly touched Stan’s shoulder. The old con man jumped like someone had cracked a whip at him.

“It’s ok, it’s just me!” Ford reassured him. 

“Where are we?” Stan asked.

“This is your mindscape, and that,” the old researcher pointed to the charred chest in his brother’s clutches, “Should be the memory we’re looking for.”

Stan gulped and cracked open the lid. Blue flames seemed to pour out of it. Ford placed his hand on top of his brother’s and opened the lid all the way. They could see the memory of Stan sitting in his favorite recliner, Bill growing more and more desperate and panicky every moment, but it was hard to make out exactly what they were saying or doing over the crackling, spreading blue flames that obscured most of the scene.

“What was that?” Ford asked suddenly as Bill started to glitch and contort with increasing rapidity.

“I think he’s tryin’ to get out.” Stan replied tensely. He didn’t like revisiting this memory.

“No, listen!”

Stan listened carefully over the crackling of the flames. “It just sounds like gibberish.”

“I think it’s an incantation!” Ford exclaimed, his voice caught somewhere between excited and scared. “Can you play it back again?”

“It’s a memory, not a video tape!” Stan glared at his brother incredulously.

“This is the mindscape, Stanley, you--”

“--Can do whatever I want, yeah yeah, I know.” Stan rolled his eyes and concentrated. The vision in the treasure chest skipped back a bit, to when Bill started warping. 

Ford listened carefully, but he still couldn’t quite make out Bill’s incantation.

“It’s no good, I’ll have to go in.” He sighed.

“Uh, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Stan eyed the dancing blue flames.

“It’s not real, it’s just a memory. I’ll be fine.”

“I’m going with you, then.”

“Technically, you’re already there.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Alright. We should be able to just reach in…” Ford thrust his arm into the chest...

...and found himself in the cozy living room of the Mystery Shack. The blue flames flickering around the edges of the room were frozen in time, and there, floating in the center, was Bill Cipher. Ford felt his body tense up and the hair on the back of his neck stand on end, ready to fight or flee for his life. 

“He’s not real, remember?” Stan said reassuringly from his recliner. 

Ford took a steadying breath and nodded. “Try not to change anything.” he advised, “Just let the memory run its course.”

“That’s gonna be hard with you here.”

“I’ll do my best to blend in.” Ford imagined himself invisible and ducked behind the recliner for good measure. Next he imagined a little camcorder, so he could go over the events in detail later, and placed it besides the chair, where it wouldn’t be noticed. 

The flames began to dance again as Stan started concentrating on the memory and time around them started to flow normally once again. Ford watched with some satisfaction as Bill looked around frantically. The panic was obviously starting to kick in now. 

“LET ME OUTTA HERE! LET ME OUT!!” the demon waved his arm, trying to create a portal to escape through, or a door to slip into a safer part of the mindscape, but nothing happened. There was nowhere to run to. “WHY ISN’T THIS WORKING?!”

Stan stood and drew himself to his full height. Although his heart was racing, he felt confidence and determination surge through him. He was going to teach this triangular jerkwad a lesson, and this time he knew how it was going to end. 

“Hey, look at me. Turn around and look at me, ya one-eyed demon!” He barked. Bill could do nothing but turn and look as the flames rose higher and higher. “You’re a real wise-guy, but you made one fatal mistake: you messed with my family!”

“YOU’RE MAKING A MISTAKE! I’LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING! MONEY, FAME, RICHES, INFINITE POWER, YOUR OWN GALAXY!” Bill pleaded, “PLEASE!” 

Once again the demon began to warp and glitch, changing forms more and more rapidly like he was losing control. Ford watched and listened carefully, although it was getting harder to concentrate as the azure flames closed in around them.

“NRUTER YAM I TAHT REWOP TNEICNA EHT EKOVNI I! NRUB OT EMOC SAH EMIT YM! L T O L O X AAAAAAAAAA!” Bill screamed, cycling through forms faster than ever. With the last of his strength, he reached out. “S  T  A  N  L  E  Y…”

Stan wound up and socked Bill straight in the eye with a powerful left-hook. Bill shattered into millions of pieces, the shards scattering everywhere, only to be licked up by the flames within seconds. The ring of blue fire was closing in on them now. It was weird. It didn’t feel hot, but the closer it got, the more Stan felt like things were… ebbing away. 

Ford could feel it too. “Heh, good job Stanley.” He chuckled nervously, reappearing and picking up the camcorder. “Let’s pause things here so we can take a closer look.”

Stan tried to concentrate on the beginning of the memory again, but the flames surrounding them refused to budge. They just continued to close in around them. He tried to imagine a way out, but he couldn’t imagine a place to escape to. He couldn’t even recall where they’d been before they got here.

“Something’s wrong!” Stan panicked. “Ford, you gotta get out of here, now!”

“What? What’s wrong?” his brother asked in concern.

But Stan could tell he didn’t have time to explain. This wasn’t his first experience, and he knew Ford’s window was closing. He imagined one of the few things he could still recall clearly: an imposing metal structure in the shape of an inverted triangle, with a glowing white light pulsing in its center. He pushed his brother into the last possible exit.

This has happened before, hasn’t it? Was his last thought before he woke up.

***

Ford found he had stumbled to the floor when he awoke. His temper flared as he picked himself up off the floor. Why? Why would Stan ever think it was ok to recreate that moment, even in the dreamscape?

“Stanley, what were you thinking!?” he demanded. “What just happened?”

Stan came out of his trance groggily. He seemed to have a hard time focusing for a moment. He glanced around like he didn’t recognize his surroundings. “...Who… what?”

Ford pinched the bridge of his nose and gave a long suffering sigh. “Do you even remember what just happened?”

“Uuuuh, no.” Stan said simply. “Who’re you?”

The old researcher’s blood ran cold. “That’s not funny.”

“‘Snot a joke.” Stan replied. “Seriously, you look familiar, but I’m drawing a blank. Help a guy out here.”

Ford clamped down on his emotions best he could. He couldn’t panic now, panicking would only make things worse. “I-it’s me, Stanford, your brother.”

“Stanford…” Stan repeated, as though the name was familiar, but he couldn’t remember exactly where he’d heard it before. “But I’m… wait, no… no that’s… but you… ugh, this is making my brain hurt!” He rubbed his temples.

Ford took his brother’s hand in his and interlocked their fingers. “You’re Stanley. And I’m Stanford.” he explained as patiently as he could, although inwardly he was freaking out. “We’re twins. Dad… heh, dad couldn’t be bothered to come up with two different names.” 

Stan just stared at their intertwined hands as though they were a particularly difficult puzzle.

“Just… just wait here.” Ford said firmly as he could while his voice hitched. “I’m going to find something to help you.”

“Uh… ‘kay.”

The old researcher dashed out of the galley and into the storage room, searching desperately for the scrapbook Mabel had made them. He’d had to use it a few times when Stan had memory lapses before, but in all those instances Stan still remembered up to some point in his history. Still remembered Ford. It had never been so bad that he’d forgotten everything. Not since…

“No, nonono I can’t do this again!” Ford moaned, pulling at his hair as he continued to search. He finally found the scrapbook, which helped him get a lid back on his emotions. “No. Get a hold of yourself. This is going to work. It’s worked before.” And if it didn’t, he was willing to commandeer a plane and fly them straight back to Gravity Falls if he had to. He knew that Stanley could recover from this, it was just a question of when and how.

“Uh, you ok in there, Sixer?” Stan called from the doorway. Ford turned and stared at him in shock. “S-sorry! That was rude. Dunno why I said that. It just kinda slipped out. I-I’ll go sit back down.”

“No! That’s fine!” Ford assured him with a soft smile. “That’s your old nickname for me. We don’t use it as much anymore because someone kind of ruined it for me… but that means you’re already starting to remember!”

“Oh. Good.”

“Come sit over here.” Ford motioned towards a long padded bench besides the table with the scrapbook in his hand. “It’ll be much more comfortable.”

***

Thankfully, it seemed that Stan hadn’t forgotten everything this time after all. He had forgotten a lot, and what he did remember was quite muddled, but at least there was something to start with. 

“So I was living under your name for thirty years… while I was trying to bring you back home?” Stan recapped as the reached the end of another section in the scrapbook.

“That’s right.”

“Yeah…” Stan nodded thoughtfully, “Yeah, that explains it. I was kinda confused when I first woke up, cuz I thought I was Stanford, but that makes sense.”

“Do… do you remember that?” Ford asked hesitantly.

“I remember… a lot of long nights working on that portal.” Stan said slowly. “And worrying about you. Wondering whether or not you were still alive.”

Ford managed a weak smile. “Believe it or not, I am capable of taking care of myself.”

Stan snorted. “Yeah, if you could call it that.”

“Well, I survived, in any case.” The old researcher turned the page. “And here we have--”

“The kids!” Stan finished, a huge grin spreading across his face. “Yeah! How could I forget those little firecrackers? The glitter-bomb and the nervous know-it-all.”

“Do you remember their names?”

Stan’s grin faltered. “Yyyyno. Look, I’m not doing great on names today, cut me some slack!”

[anistarrose]

Some Sunny Day - Ch. 12: The Ancient Power (Gravity Falls - Same Coin Theory)

Summary: We’ve seen how Stan remembers. Now: how Bill forgets.

Warnings: none

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14947964/chapters/45565759

Previous / Next

The Beginning

(The Same Coin Theory is by @dubsdeedubs and @renmorris!)

***

It was when he first encountered the Axolotl — eons and eons ago, while giving the more obscure and least comprehensible corners of the multiverse a quick look-over as he often did when bored — that Bill Cipher first realized that there was someone who knew and saw more than he did.

It wasn’t a pleasant realization. He was the All-Seeing, All-Knowing Eye; omniscience was his brand. He was the ancient, elusive god of mysteries and answers — and, on good days, brief little glimpses into the future.

(Not that he often acted on those glimpses — they tended to be about things he either couldn’t change, or didn’t want to change — but dropping cryptic warnings into conversations with mortals was always fun, as well as a good way to remind them who was really the brains of the operation.)

But the Axolotl existed outside of time entirely. It had already seen what was yet to come to pass — it had seen it last night, and a century ago, and would see it fifteen million years down the line. It was seeing it now, and seeing it always: if Bill could occasionally switch the metaphorical channel of his sight from “present time” to “five hours in the future,” then the Axolotl was constantly watching every channel, every second and millisecond and nanosecond of existence and so on to an infinitesimal degree. It not only knew everything, but had always known everything and always would.

And Bill hated that.

“This only upsets you because you fear the unknown,” the Axolotl told him, its voice echoing like Bill’s own, but also more pleasant on the ears, more musical.

“Psssh, yeah! Right!” Bill scoffed. “Do I look like I have anything to be afraid of, Frills? I’m the incorporeal king of nightmares and my throne is built from intangible screams of mortal terror! Fear is — is breakfast for me! Serve me up all the fear in the world!”

The Axolotl tilted its head. “Deny it if you must,” it replied, “but your actions will tell another story.”

“Oh, so we’re playing the cryptic remarks card now? Well, I’ve got nothing left to gain from this conversation.” With that, Bill willed himself out of the time and space between time and space, leaving behind a triangle-shaped ripple in the fabric of the universe.

But in his haste, he failed to notice the Axolotl’s massive tail curling around five human figures, all of them shrouded in pink mist as they watched his exit intently.

***

It was during his second encounter with the Axolotl, somewhere in the realm of a million years later, when Bill Cipher was warned.

“One day,” it told him, “you’ll be so afraid of the inevitable unknown that you’ll beg me for help, and I will help you.”

“I’m not afraid,” Bill blurted out immediately, cringing as he realized how much he sounded like a naive little kid pleading his case to stay up late and be told spooky stories.

The Axolotl kept talking, as if it hadn’t heard him. “But it won’t be a free pass onto a new life of your choosing. It will be a catalyst for an unimaginable change, and the start of a long, hard path — but I know you will have it in you to succeed.”

“I don’t need you to believe in me like some proud, overinvested parent,” Bill shot back, making a show out of straightening his top hat and bow tie. “Do I look like a guy who has problems with self-confidence?”

The Axolotl just smiled at him, with its big, smug, frill-wreathed face.

“Invoke my name, Cipher, and time itself will contort to bring you back from the ashes.”

Once again, Bill willed himself back to the Nightmare Realm without noticing the five figures — not even the one that stood further forward than the others, the one that had first stared at Bill slack-jawed and dumbfounded, but now straightened his back with a confident, imposing sort of determination, and curled his fingers into fists.

***

Bill rifled through Ford’s memories — high school bullies, college all-nighters, a fiercely regretted discovery of a cave in the woods of Gravity Falls — as simply as one might flip through the pages of a book, scoffing at the man’s loneliness and need for validation. But Bill already knew all about that — it was what he’d preyed upon, how he’d gotten his portal built in the first place. No, tonight he was looking not for a general weakness, but for some specific memory, something he could purposely throw back in the six-fingered freak’s face later —

But now, he was struck with a wave of… familiarity?

A hand reaching to mess up a head of brown hair.

“Don’t listen to them, Sixer. I think you’re pretty cool!”

A knock on the leg of a bunk bed.

“Morning, smart guy!”

A reassuring hand on the shoulder.

“You heard it here first, Stanford Pines is gonna be known as the guy who changed the world!”

Switched outfits, a striped shirt in place of a brown jacket.

“Okay, Brainiac, today I’m gonna teach you how to lie…”

Bill withdrew from Ford’s memories with a jolt — not quite angrily, not quite sadly, but driven by something fierce and consuming, some feeling that he wasn’t used to and wanted to be rid of as fast as he could. Wrenching Ford’s body out of its slumber, he flipped through a journal with shaky hands and just so happened to notice a code he’d scrawled a few nights ago —

I ASK YOU WHY MUST TIME ONLY MOVE FORWARDS

WHY MUST CAUSE PRECEDE EFFECT

WHO VOTED ON THE LAWS OF PHYSICS

***

The third time he encountered the Axolotl, Bill Cipher was trying to save himself, but ended up killing himself in more ways than one.

Blue-white flames consumed walls from the ground up, and transformed exit doors into impassable infernos. Bill had practically forgotten what hot truly felt like, but he knew this was worse than anything he’d ever felt before — it was eating away at his very essence, suffocating his own flames and threatening to choke out everything that made him him.

Stanley’s mouth moved, but the voice felt like it was coming from inside Bill’s own mind, words spat through gritted teeth threatening to rip apart his consciousness.

“You’re a real wise guy, but you made one fatal mistake. You messed with my family!”

“You’re making a mistake, I’ll give you anything! Money! Fame! Riches! Infinite power, your own galaxy!!”

He was struck with a sudden vision — a static-corrupted and not quite real-time clip of a triangular statue resting in a forest, dark beneath the shadows of pine trees even as bright afternoon light spilled down from the blue summer sky above.

“PLEASE! HELP! WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME?!”

In a panic, he fumbled after the last few sparks left in his draining pool of energy, trying to channel them into his form and grow big enough to smash right out of Stan’s strangely well-disguised mortal mindscape, but his body melted and struck the floor almost instantly, only growing more unstable and difficult to hold together by the second — and seconds were all he had left.

Invoke my name, Cipher.

“NRUTER YAM I TAHT REWOP TNEICNA EHT EKOVNI I!”

And time itself will contort to bring you back from the ashes.

“NRUB OT EMOC SAH EMIT YM L-T-O-L-O-X-A!”

Stan pulled back his fist, winding up for a punch, and time slowed to a crawl. Blue flames froze in place, and the frenzied roar of a collapsing mindscape faded to a drawn-out, agonized groan before at last giving way to silence.

Then the scene began to fade as Bill found himself paralyzed, helplessly watching pink mist seep into the room. The fires grew dim, all colors turning pastel and all clarity lost to a clouded blur, until all he could see were pink cumulus clouds drifting carelessly across a blue, star-speckled sky.

(He was thrust back to the independent demises of a million different civilizations across billions of years, but he hardly heard the screams as he found himself in a flat world, a gray world, a despised yet fiercely missed world where he struggled to leaf through an oversized book that spoke of Points and Lines and Spheres and colors…)

Two beady black eyes opened in front of him, and a familiar head emerged from the clouds with a satisfied smile on its face.

“I see you invoked my name,” the Axolotl said, a hint of smugness dripping from its melodic voice. “So you do fear what lies beyond death.”

“Ya got me, Frills!” Bill shouted, hoping that sheer volume would be enough to disguise how much he was shaking. “You really did! I panicked and I invoked you, so — so what’s the fuckin’ catch already?”

“Catch?” the Axolotl asked innocently, gills twitching.

“That shtick you gave me last time about a ‘hard path!’ I know how you work, Frills — you’re not gonna let me go without some lesson as punishment — so have at it already! Dump me into whatever new existence you’ve decided I deserve, and get it over with!”

The Axolotl frowned. “You misunderstand, Cipher. It’s not about what you deserve.”

“Then what the fuck is it supposed to be about?!” Bill could feel the fire rising up in the core of his essence once again, about to rupture him beyond any hope of repair, but he kept shouting. He couldn’t stop. “WHY DID I EVEN INVOKE —”

“It’s about where you’ve got the potential to change,” someone interrupted, and for a moment, Bill thought that the Axolotl’s voice had inexplicably grown low and gruff, abruptly developing a Jersey accent as it spoke with a quiet confidence —

But then a flicker of motion towards the Axolotl’s tail caught his attention, and finally, he noticed the five familiar figures — less bruised and battered than he’d last seen them, yet still impossible to mistake. Four of them stood in a straight line, Pine Tree and Shooting Star close together and flanked by Question Mark and Sixer, while in front of them…

In front of them was the Pines that Bill had always paid the least attention to — the one he’d never had a nickname for. With tousled gray hair and and a plain white shirt, Stan looked unassuming and out-of-place here at the fringes of the multiverse, but his narrowed eyes took in the scene exactly like they had seen it all before, bright golden sparks of recognition dancing within brown irises.

“It’s not about what you deserve because you don’t deserve anything, Bill,” he calmly explained. “You don’t deserve to live in the first place. But about six decades later, in your future…”

He took a deep breath, and recalled from Bill’s perspective that his family was currently smiling at him from behind his back, proud and encouraging as ever.

So Stan smiled too.

“I will.”

“No,” Bill stammered. “Are you — are you saying that you’re me? ‘Cause I’m nothing like you! There’s no way I’ll become you, I’ll —”

Stan snorted and extended a hand in Bill’s direction, palm facing up as blue flames danced across it. “Man, we’ve always both been good at lying to ourselves, haven’t we?”

For the first time in nearly a trillion years, Bill Cipher felt the physical sensation of a chill running through him.

What had he ever truly been if not a con man? If not a stubborn, scheming scam artist?

“But hey, you’re half-right!” Stan went on. “You’re becoming me and there’s nothing you can do about it —”

He made a fist, and the flames were instantly extinguished. “But I’m definitely nothing like you.”

“You — you — you can’t light your hands on fire and seriously believe that!” Bill sputtered. “If you really are me in the future, then you’re the one lying to yourself if you think you’re anything other than a ticking time bomb! You’re still gonna be Bill Cipher forever, buddy, and you show it whether you know it or not!”

Stan directed his gaze towards the clouds below, biting his lip. A ways behind him, Dipper started to step forwards, but Ford gently rested a hand on his shoulder and shook his head.

“It’s almost hilarious how bad you are at playing the hero! All you’re good at is lying and stealing — oh, and ruining and destroying things too, can’t forget that! You know, I never got why you were so obsessed with turning the portal back on to save someone who hated you so much — but all this time it was just a favor for your past self, wasn’t it? Kickstarting the apocalypse for an old pal! We want the same things, you and I — no matter how incompetent you are at actually getting them!”

Stan’s fists trembled at his sides, but he still didn’t look up.

“But don’t worry, ‘cause your pathetic existence is gonna come to an end real soon!” Bill cackled, rubbing his hands together with glee. “You don’t have to pretend to be these dumbasses’ family anymore — we’ve pulled off the perfect con, you and I! We’ve got a physical form all set up in your dimension and no one’s standing in our way — no quantum destabilizers, no memory guns, no zodiacs! You can rule the world again now — you WILL rule the world again, whether you think you want it or not!”

“That’s all?”

Bill’s delirious laughter cut off abruptly. “What?”

“That’s your whole argument,” Stan murmured, a hint of a smile beginning to develop on his face.

“You’ve got some good points about me ruining everything,” he went on slowly, “and I think I believed it, for a while — I think I believed it before I remembered, even. I never thought I was good for anything, and part of me never believed it whenever anyone told me I was a hero…”

His head snapped up, and Bill flinched when their eyes met.

“But I know something about myself that you don’t.”

“Wh-what?”

“I know that you offered me money, fame, riches, infinite power, my own galaxy, and I didn’t understand how anyone could choose that over their family. I still don’t — and talking to you now, seeing what an egotistical little shit I used to be and how much I’ve changed since — now, I’m sure that I’ll never understand again. I’m better than you, Bill, and I always will be.”

“But — but don’t you remember all the fun we had? We could have that again! Don’t you want —”

“I remember plenty,” Stan growled, “but torturing people isn’t fun. Killing people isn’t fun. Those things are going to keep me up at night for the rest of my life, and I don’t want either of them ever again.”

“No, no, no! You’re wrong! I’ll always —” The heat inside Bill was intensifying, making it harder to hold his form together, but he wasn’t going to let this happen, couldn’t let this happen, had to remind his future self who he was before he forgot everything —

His gaze landed on Ford, watching the argument with eyes that looked tinted red from recent tears.

“Sixer, you can’t possibly believe this! You’re just gonna trust him — trust me — and let us burn you again? You of all people musta let us stab your back more than enough times to get tired of it, right?!”

Stan hid it quickly, but he cringed a little at that line, and shot a nervous glance to Ford, who closed his eyes and took in a slow, deep breath.

“By choosing to be reborn, all you’ve done is ensure that you’ll die more definitively, more completely, than if you had simply been destroyed,” Ford stated. “You could have just been gone — but now, you’ve been changed. You’ve been replaced.”

“No! You can’t get rid of me that easy! I’ll —”

“Oh, yes,” Ford growled. “You will become the antithesis of everything you once were, to the extent that you will even erase your own legacy. You’ll be the one to reverse your own apocalypse, to protect the family you tormented…”

His voice cracked. “And you — you’ll be the one who teaches me to trust again, after all the time you spent isolating me and driving me to paranoia. I don’t trust you, Bill, but I trust my brother — because there is a world of difference between the two of you. You destroy senselessly, but he protects us. He’s helped heal the wounds that you’ve caused.”

“I’ll never really leave your side, Stanford! Is that what you want? No matter what you tell yourself, you know you’ll never be able to really let your guard down around your brother again —”

“The era in which I let you manipulate me into distrusting my friends and family has long since ended, Bill,” Ford shot back without flinching. “You left my side long ago.”

“You really think that I can change? Me? Bill Cipher?!”

“I do,” Ford answered. “It may be a stretch to call my brother mature, in any sense of the word, but he’s most certainly more mature than you. He has changed for the better — in a way that does not often tend to revert.”

“Yeah, you want to know why time is so meaningless?” Stan added. “It’s ‘cause I grew up more in sixty-two years than you did in a trillion. You’ve been around for too many eons to count, but you’re still just a selfish little brat who’s obsessed with playing puppet master.”

“NO!” Bill shrieked. “I won’t become you! I WON’T! I am Bill Cipher, and SO ARE YOU, YOU HEAR ME?! The person you call Stan is — is — is NONEXISTENT!”

“Oh, I hear your whiny little screams in the back of my head all the fucking time,” Stan spat. “Telling me I’m a shit person, telling me I don’t deserve my family, telling me everything I think of myself as being is a lie. Telling me I’m just going to turn into a demon again, and the one good thing I’ve done in my life is going to end up being less than worthless…”

Columns of blue flame erupted from his hands, and he stepped towards Bill, teeth bared. “But you’re an even bigger liar than I am.”

“You — no, we could have ANYTHING! Power without limitations, minions to obey our every order, revenge on anyone who’s ever wronged us! BUT YOU CHOOSE TO BE STANLEY? YOU CHOOSE TO BE MEANINGLESS?”

“I hate to break it to you, wise guy, but you’re already doomed.” Stan took another step closer. “You’re going to be meaningless soon. Everything you think of yourself as standing for is gonna fade away, and all you’re gonna be is just another one of my memories.”

“And memories,” Ford added, “will never take away my brother — not by their absence, and certainly not by their presence.”

Stan’s hands curled into fists, and the columns of fire wound themselves around his fingers, solidifying into shining golden knuckledusters engulfed in a crackling blue aura.

“Hey, Bill?” he asked, smiling innocently.

Bill let out a whimper.

“Will you please say hello, to the folks that I know? Tell them I won’t be long?”

Two scenes play out overlaid upon one another, blurring together into the same decisive, time-defying moment as the burning of Stan’s mindscape resumes from where it left off. Two versions of Stanley Pines swing at Bill — one standing unflinchingly before a backdrop of flames about to consume him, the other channeling a reawoken fire of his own into his resolute, superhuman punch, but both sharing an absolute confidence in what will happen next.

And what happens next for Bill Cipher, as their fists collide with him, is excruciating pain.

The blow from the mindscape is blistering hot with vengeance, the weight of a tremendous but unregretted sacrifice behind it. It’s the love and compassion of a selfless protector that fans the oxygen to these white-hot flames, that fuels Stan’s particular stubborn brand of heroism against which no demon can possibly stand.

This one’s for my family.

The blow from the time and space between time and space is metallic and colder and spiteful in an intimately personal way, as Bill watches his own flames punch a hole in his body — but these flames, this fist, they’re bolstered by a family��s returned love and kindness that brings Stan back from the ashes but doesn’t just stop there. The weight behind the punch is as much Ford and Mabel and Dipper and Soos as it is Stan; it’s their stubbornness and refusal to give up on the good they know they see in their hero, it’s the trust they place in him and foundations for a trust in oneself that they’ve planted for Stan to rebuild upon.

It is fueled by a fresh spark of something new, something defiant, burning deep within Stan’s chest — an ember glowing faintly at first, but holding the potential to become a roaring blaze of self-confidence, of self-acceptance, even self-love.

And this one’s for me.

The punches shatter Bill with ease, eclipsing his own power by countless orders of magnitude, and his fragments scatter, cast adrift in spacetime. Yet a long, pink and blue-finned tail sifts through the fabric of the universe, curling protectively around the shards of a consciousness as it collects them together once again and then carries them back to where it all began…

The sunny New Jersey day of June 15th, 1951, where an all-seeing eye closes, two human ones open, and Bill Cipher forgets.

***

The flames around Stan’s hands died down, and the Axolotl, who had spent most of the confrontation watching from a distance, drifted up to face him.

“Why were you doing in the fishtank all those years?” Stan blurted out.

“Now, there is a limit to how completely I can be somewhere,” the Axolotl told him, “a limit to how much of myself I can manifest in the spacetime that you all are capable of perceiving. But to answer your question, Stan… to the greatest extent that I could, I just wanted to make sure that you wouldn’t be too lonely for those thirty years.”

Stan rubbed his eyes. “You’re such a — a sentimental old salamander. You know that, Frills?”

“An eternally young salamander, actually,” the Axolotl corrected him teasingly, with a gleam in its eyes. “Was there anything else you wanted to ask me?”

“We had another question when we came here, but…” Stan wiped away a few tears, and took a deep breath. “But I know the answer now.”

“I thought so.” The Axolotl beamed. “I have a few messages for you all as well. First of all, Ford — Jheselbraum has asked me to say hello. She says that she’s proud of how you fared in the Mindscape… and that she’d like to visit your dimension sometime, which I think could be arranged.”

Ford blinked a few times in owlish confusion, but then a smile spread across his face. “Tell her… tell her I’m immensely grateful for her help, and that I’d love to see her again sometime — and I’m sure the kids would love to meet her, too.”

The Axolotl nodded. “And Stan, one last thing. You invoked me in the clearing as you were beginning to remember, and I heard you, but I did not reply. That was because there was nothing for me to do. You asked me to stop Cipher, but he had no need to be stopped — though you understand that now, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Stan answered, giving up on wiping away his tears as his voice grew choked-up. “Thanks, Axolotl. For everything.”

He turned around to face his family, and spread out his arms. “And thanks for not letting me go.”

The kids were the first to run towards him, and he lifted them up and hugged them tight. Soos quickly followed, wrapping his arms around all of them as he buried his head into Stan’s left shoulder while sobbing with joy.

Ford was the last to join the embrace, but may have hugged the tightest and most fiercely of all of them — not letting go even as the stars and clouds of the Axolotl’s dimension faded away, replaced with sunbeams and trees and a familiar old swingset.

“Thanks for staying with us, Stanley.”

***

pssst reread the beginning of chapter six and you might notice a few familiar lines, I’ve been plotting this scene for a while ;)

This writing experience has been a hell of a journey, and now it’s finally coming to a close! I’ll save my big mushy ramble for the end of next chapter, but I’m getting sentimental over it already. 

But although the end of this fic is nigh, that’s not the end of this specific continuity — I’ve got a few different ideas for sequels (as well as potentially prequels and deleted scenes!) to write once I finish with Some Sunny Day itself, so keep an eye on the series for those! Jheselbraum’s visit will probably be one such sequel, since it doesn’t quite fit into the final chapter I have planned but would feel like a waste not to expand upon.

[optimisticvirtuoso]

From the 1 Year Anniversary GF Dating Sim Stream...

Here’s some of my favorite quotes, moments, or events from the second playthrough (Ford’s Route). 

Really wish I’d done this for Stan’s route too.

"Is my volume ok? good, because I'm spouting nonsense that you have to hear." -Rosie

"'Busy hopping thru portals n' shit, you know how it be' -Stanford Pines" -fuzzywuzzyspiders

"'I've made other discoveries as well: my butt is going numb.' -Stanford Pines" -fuzzywuzzyspiders

"Like this strap thing around my chest. Who knows what's behind it? A slingshot? A gun? A banana? You can't tell, can you?" -Rosie, in regards to Ford's belt.. thing

"You may be SCARRED FOR LIFE but it's for learning purposes." -mbdoodles

"It's a *rock*. It's Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson." -Rosie

"Made it a 4D experience and also decided to chew gum lol" -mythomagically

"In his cOaT tIdDiE pOcKeT" -Rosie

"What the hell is a matchbook?" -Rosie

"This isn't darkness, this is... advanced darkness." -pantspossum

"'You see a stranged, winged shadow..' It's DRACULA! AHAHAH!" -Rosie

"'But even in the dark, you see him grinning widely at you-' because he's a fucking nerd." -Rosie

"We're gonna touch the butt guys, it's gonna be great." -Rosie

"'Mothman turns and screeches-' WREEEEHHHH '-and flutters apart in a swarm of moths.'" -Rosie

"You'll never be SHIT, BILL." -nerdstreak

"We're going for true love's high five~ There it is!" -Rosie, in a singsong voice

"I'm a what?" "Yer a hotboi, player" -mythomagically

"Ford, do you even lift?" -Rosie

"Oh he LIFTS." "He lifts my heart right out of its chest." -Nerdstreak

"..and you turn the corner, and there he is- SHIA LABEOUF!" -Rosie

"Ford,, I'm cold,, can we borrow your turtleneck,," -mythomagically

"Can you guys shut the hell your mouth, please?" -Rosie

"Yeah Im waving a wooden spoon at you, dog, because it seems to be the only thing you're afraid of." -Rosie

Just the butter story in general, told by Rosie

"Rosie and Isa say gay rights!" -Rosie

"hOtBoI" -Various people, mostly Isa and Rosie and half of the chat over the course of both playthroughs

"Mothman was SHOOK." -Rosie

"We saw his swaying coat and inscrutable goggles and immediately thought 'Yes, this is husband material'." -fuzzywuzzyspiders

"'Now that he's looking at you, you don't remember what you were going to say' because he's so beautiful." -Rosie

"'Its still my house' in the middle of the street!" -Rosie

"Mabel is the..QUEEN of romance. Aphrodite who?" -Rosie

"Rose petals. That's funny. I'm Rose. Why did I write that?" -Rosie

"Mom said it's MY turn on the gay rights..." -Nerdstreak

"uwu~" -Rosie

*Intentional Beauty and the Beast references* -Rosie

"WhAt Is A fLiRtAtIon?!" -Rosie

"Ford, assuming it's something lewd, 'what the FUCC is a dm...'" -fuzzywuzzyspiders

"Heinz (Doofenschmirtz) is boyfriend material. DATEABLE." -fuzzywuzzyspiders

"'Hotboi (our player name), I'll be frank.' My name isn't Mabel anymore, I'm Frank." -Rosie

"Dem FOREARMS" -Nerdstreak

"[Ford] walks out of the kitchen and has a perfect handprint on his butt." -fuzzywuzzyspiders

"Let Mabel say Fuck." -pantspossum

"You smell like rotten eggs, yes you do, yes you do!" -Rosie, baby-talking a dog

"Can you quit snorting, please? It sounds like you're doing too much coke." -Rosie

"GASP! Everyone looks so scandalized!"  -Rosie

"'...brandishing something disturbingly pink-' ITS PEPTO BISMOL! YOU GUYS HAVE PEPTO BISMOL???" -Rosie

"Fors is like, conceivably one of the most dangerous humans on the planet, I just realized. Thaat's pretty hot tbh." -fuzzywuzzyspiders

"*Whispering* Join me with my pretty nuggets, hotboi." -Rosie

"I just wiggled my butt as I said 'bushy-tailed'. Im getting into character, you guys!" -Rosie

"The Pines family is already the circus." -mbdoodles

*Loudly singing Uptown Funk* -Rosie

"You're about to experience the wrath of a god!" -Rosie, in a Mickey Mouse voice

"But Stan got a totally hot scar out of it." fuzzywuzzyspiders

The pepto-bismol references.

Singing Disco Girl, Uptown Funk, Reserve Everything Stays, Always Gold, and other songs in the chat.

"Holding hands? Scandalous." -mbdoodles

"FROM THE PEPTO-BISMOL SUNSET" -Rosie

"Next we might *gasp* see his ankles!" -fuzzywuzzyspiders

"'I've been breaking laws and taking names for 30 years and I cANT GO BACK TO JAIL." -fuzzywuzzyspiders

"Ford's been kicking names and taking ass." -mythomagically

"Heavy on the taking ass part." -fuzzywuzzyspiders

"Bill Cipher, the razzle dazzle dorito!" -mbdoodles

"That's not putting it lightly, you bitch." -Rosie

@rosielibrary @pixiespectacles @mythomagically-delicious @flamingredskyes @einahpetsyarcip @nerdstreak @dietpitt @pantspossum @gfds-jupiter @mbdoodles @themightyrancho

And of course,

@gfdatingsim 

If I missed anyone, let me know. I tried to tag as many as I could remember! 

Also my tag was different in chat (hafluteamatata)

[thegraftedbranch]

Fordshortened Future.

Yes, that’s really this post’s title; be glad it wasn’t “Marked Ford Death” or “Mental Forditude” instead. This meta discusses Stanford Pines’ pathological narrative arc in Gravity Falls, which I’ve referenced in posts like this, and this, and that, and even this. (Disclaimer: I’m no doctor, I just watch them on TV.)

As you know, Gravity Falls is a story about trust, family, and personal growth as they interact with the mystery element epitomized by “the Author” -really the tritagonist’s twin brother (twice removed). As you may not know, “sense of foreshortened future” is trauma-induced distrust, avoidance of long-term commitments, and the latent impression that one’s life will end prematurely or unfulfilled. It’s clear how the first applies to Dr. “Trust No One”, PhD (x12), but the last two are less straightforward. Ford seems so driven and sure of himself! But Ford is not what he seems. He’s just as unstuck in time as in space, and his entire arc revolves around a self-sabotaging search for belonging in both.

To recap, Ford sees his achievements as his only safeguard against abjection; take them away, and he won’t just be okay. People aren’t generally “desperate” for success unless they’ve staked their self-worth on it, or fear losing “finally a place where I felt at home”. If he’s wrong, it must be in every sense of the word -he can’t tell making mistakes apart from being a mistake. But whatever, a future overachieving for validation is still a future. Not so in the present when we meet him, an old man who refuses his twin’s help and guilt-spirals over Bill Cipher’s crazymaking and sleeps in his day clothes or not at all. He thinks Stan gives only to get (in reality that’s just half right), and his new life-consuming goal of atoning over Bill now denies him any long-term plans whatsoever -his history of paranoia and only feeling valued for his mind made this so. To put the “story” in “history”, his story could at any minute lose its authorship to the fathomless deep of his manifest guilt -to the ink blot he spots at the end of his timeline, dead-ahead.

But, here’s what’s great about Gravity Falls. We’re used to “trust no one” as a baseless absurdity, to paranoiacs not specifying what happens when “they” actually “get you”. Who’s to say it’s not to drive you downtown and take you out for ice cream? But the show constantly humanizes this ambulatory shipwreck of a person, whom lesser media would strawman as ~what not to be~, by depicting mental illness more sensitive than the childish notion of “crazy” we’d expect. (“The Last Mabelcorn” alone makes Ford nightmare-ridden from Bill’s influence and mundane trauma, and his distrust the result of abuse.) And still Ford is caring, brave, smart, enthusiastic, far more than just “meaning well”... he’s not the Bad Example™ that allistic heuristics would have you believe.

(I know my posts understate how funny and sweet this show is, but I’ve no grand statements about that. And right now, I can only take so much of sweet.)

So it’s not a reach to say that Ford calling his problems “not important” speaks to more than just the needs of the many. Look at the discrepancy where he pep-talks Dipper about future before unflinchingly throwing away his own. (The apprenticeship was impractical because it’s his first long-term plan in decades, clinging to the one connection he has.) Look at how he can’t understand Dipper’s response, or Stan’s even earlier. “He saved me, but” Ford doesn’t think he’s worth saving. He’s internalized that special catch-22 where he supposedly deserves to suffer, but not enough for catharsis. (Stan diminishing Ford’s suffering didn’t help.) Ford knows exactly how much he’s wronged his brother and closest friend, and he knows how this story ends: they “must” (surely and ought to) hate him. (Don’t get me started on him outright saying “suicide mission” about the kids going after Bill as he had, or what his “I’ll die before I join you”/“if I’m still alive, you must want something from me” lines imply about that.)

“It’s the only way he’ll agree to save you and the kids” but not Ford himself, apparently. Following scenes visualize how Ford’s determination to negate himself falters only with the realization that he’d hurt someone he cares about in the process. This impulse informs one of the show’s darkest moments, where Ford talks his way into Promethean torture from Bill and only breaks when the kids’ lives are at stake. (If Ford’s endurance isn’t “fighting back even when it seems impossible”, nothing is.) In saving him sequentially, the kids, Fiddleford, and Stan show Ford he should rethink his unconscious self-endangerment. So the mutual forgiveness between Ford and the latter two goes quickly because in the end, it’s not the hardest. In the end, the person Ford hurt most was himself.

(Ever notice he holds onto where the shackles were? Tune in this coming never for my Lacanian psychoanalysis on how the show constantly anatomizes Ford because he’s had a fragmented self-image since mirror stage.)

Consider the absolution that Weirdmaggedon’s dissipation represents. Ford’s imperfections aren’t really the end of the world! He belongs with his family, not Bill’s “freaks”. (Hence Stan showing off his “nerdy bro” to a crowd, as opposed to Bill victim-blaming Ford in front of a crowd.) What really shows Ford this is the one action of Stan’s that Ford can’t twist into his brother not really caring about him (as “Trust No One” implies), into more permission for Ford’s self-loathing.

This story is supposed to end in guilt consuming him, or an Esoteric Happy Ending where Ford redirects his self-destructive atonement complex toward making amends. Instead Ford repeats “he saved me” in a way finally acknowledging that this matters. That he matters. That he’s good enough. The show lets us fill in the blanks on what comes next; I say he opened up just enough to finally receive the help and validation he deserves. Only processing and owning his feelings could enable him to be that happy. Stan saved Ford, but Ford also saved himself; his clock restarts when he allows himself to reconnect.

The lost years found and reclaimed, Ford doesn’t have to choose between mysteries and family. It’s not about atonement for the Stan twins anymore; they equally wanted to travel together, equally contributed to their conflict and world-saving reconciliation, are equals in every regard. (Co-captains!) Ford is still as cracked as his symbolism glasses but now he can finally see recovery ahead.

And maybe that’s not the most “relatable” story, but it’s real to those of us the sanctioned narratives have failed. It’s never too late, is a mantra that adults who watch and overanalyze kids’ shows often repeat. And it’s never too late for “weirdos” -alienated from others, our own emotions, or otherwise- to make peace with ourselves Otherwise.

[andrewmoocow]

Gravity Soul chapter 10: Weirdmageddon Take Two, Gravity Falls No Longer Safe? (originally posted on September 28, 2018)

AN: And so begins Weirdmageddon once more. Greetings loyal readers to the final arc of Gravity Soul. With Gravity Falls now no longer safe from the madness of Kishin Cipher, the Mystery Meisters now fresh off of rescuing Pacifica must find another place to hide from him and pull off one last plan to stop him. Also in this arc will feature the usage of the Vigenere cipher which means whatever word that is highlighted in bold in the author's notes will be the key needed to decipher it. But enough for now, let's all return to the BUNKER. TIZOXZNYF DLV EUEUIJU MRMVVUM JOVV UBBEKYU NB LI CPMG LYK GCANMEH NUOQ TPGRC EK B WBCX KIY XOIGFL AOZVS CADIEEYQ DLVN NB LI WPOAN FLU HBG MK'T NUO SKIYE GEP BLBERU

They thought it was impossible. They thought they would come out of that mansion with at least a few physical scars. But no. They received mental scars instead from what the fusion of the dream demon and the Kishin inflicted on them. The rescue party looked upward at Kishin Cipher cackling maniacally with his head tossed back and hands in the air. He had won and Weirdmageddon began anew. "W-we lost." Kid stuttered in sheer disbelief, at both the monster's victory and his previously unknown connection to Asura. "And did he just sing a big musical number about how everything has gone to hell now?" Black Star wondered. "I mean, it honestly was a catchy tune, but was it necessary?" Stanford and Maka on the other hand had their backs turned away from the others and mourned the sacrifices of the people they cared for the most. Ford had lost his brother, his best friend, the very person who had spent thirty years trying to rescue him and now in a cruel twist of irony, he was the one that needed saving now. Maka had lost her weapon, her partner, the boy who had put his life on the line for her own safety, and now he was gone. "Soul..." "Stanley..." It wasn't long before the two of them embraced while breaking down into tears as the others looked on. Dipper tipped his hat in silence & Mabel cried as well and Crona & Spirit, the only family Maka had left now, tried to comfort the girl. "So where do we go from here?" Wendy asked. "FOOLS!" Excalibur cried breaking the silence. "There's no use in staying here now that Kishin Cipher's reigning supreme, so I suggest we find somewhere to hide." he declared. "But where? Pretty sure we can't go back to the Mystery Shack right now." Soos answered before the Holy Sword cut him off. "FOOL! Isn't there some kind of secret hiding place in these woods?" "Oh that's right, there's Ford's secret bunker!" Wendy suddenly realized. "We just gotta find it, rest up in there for a while and then form a plan!" she stated. "Good plan there Wendy, but where is it?" Tsubaki wondered. "The entrance's disguised as a tree, so we just gotta keep knocking on wood until we hit metal." "Yeah, Wendy's right." Dipper agreed wiping the tears from his eyes. "If only we still had Journal 3 with us, then we'd navigate it easily." he added glumly. Suddenly they all heard a rumbling noise that quietly erupted through the forest before an entire stampede of cryptids from across Gravity Falls charged right through them. "Hey pigtails, move it!" one of the gnomes shouted. "We're fleeing here!" a unicorn snidely added. "Whoa, what are they all running for?" Patty wondered. "And was that a unicorn?!" "You should get going too little one, Weirdmageddon is back!" a large bear with multiple heads stated before staring off into the distance with fear. "My lord, they're coming!" Just then, a group of demonic looking bears bounced across the trees with their teeth bared and eyes full of primal hunger. "Oh no, they're bouncing here and there and everywhere!" Soos cried. "Mass chaos that's beyond compare!" "Well what're we waiting for, to the bunker!" Dipper exclaimed preparing to lead everyone out of the forest before turning back to find Melody, Ghost-Eyes and Pacifica's mother still standing there. "Wait, aren't you coming?" "Sorry Dipper, but I think this might be too dangerous for all of us." Melody said. "We'll all still be here when you get back, hopefully." "Be safe out there Gideon." Ghost-Eyes said to his fellow ex-inmate. "You too old friend." Gideon replied and they fistbumped. "Pacifica, I want you to know that no matter how you feel about your father and I, we'll be there cheering you on against that monster." Priscilla said hugging her daughter. "And remember to thank your friends for saving us as well." "I will mother." Pacifica replied before they broke. "I promise I'll come back for you." Soos promised Melody. "I know you will dude." his fiancee replied and then they kissed. "All right, let's get moving everyone." Maka commanded and thus the remaining Mystery Meisters set off for the bunker.

"Anything yet guys?" Mabel asked as Black Star kept knocking on the trees hoping that one would lead them to the bunker. "Seems like we've been walking and hiding forever." "Nothing Mabel, we're getting in a rut." the ninja replied before they hid behind one of the trees away from the gaze of an Eyebat. "We need to be very very quiet everyone. Kishin Cipher's forces could strike at any minute." Ford stated quietly and they continued on their way. As the party snuck around the forest, they found numerous monsters unknowingly on their tail, such as a large humanoid vulture creature that made a strange whimpering sound, a strange dark blue android with a green symbol on its chest & red fins sticking out the back of its head, a bipedal jackal wearing a silver mask, a muscular humanoid beast with flaming facial hair & a burn scar over his left eye and many more, all looking to kill on sight. "Yeesh, these are nothing like what we've faced before." Dipper commented examining all the new beasts that had been unleashed when suddenly, he laid eyes upon a strange being whose body seemed to be made of various pipes. "And what even is that thing?" The boy felt himself edging into insanity little by little before he quickly covered his eyes in fright. "Hey guys, I think we found it!" Liz called pounding on a strangely metallic tree. "This seems like a good place to hide." "This is the exact place where I found Journal 3." Dipper stated. "I was only told to put up signs for Stan one day and then there it was. Where it all began." he explained. "We can recap last summer later, let's open this baby and get inside!" Wendy exclaimed preparing to scale it with her axe. "Wait, you're going to do it like that?" Black Star wondered. "Of course dude, it's how we opened it in the first place." the cashier said. "There's this little branch that's hiding a lever all the way up there." "Well there's no need for climbing, let a ninja handle this!" Black Star boasted using his ninjitsu skills to race up the tree and jump, grabbing onto the aforementioned branch and pulling it, causing the grass surrounding it to collapse into a spiral staircase leading to the entrance. "Boo-yah!" "Well hornswaggle mah goat-knees, just like old times!" Fiddleford exclaimed doing a quick victory jig. "Now come on sprouts, I can show y'all around!" With that, the hillbilly forgone taking the stairs and jumped down the entrance to the door. "Now come by, it brings back memories!" "Just as long as there's no dust to make me asymmetrical." Kid flatly stated walking down the stairs with the Thompsons behind him and soon, everyone else all except for Ford who was looking off into the distance with a solemn frown. "C'mon Mr. Pines, Kishin Cipher's minions could be coming any minute!" Eruka called for him. "Oh, terribly sorry everyone!" Ford stuttered trying to hide his emotional pain as booming footsteps sounded from afar. Luckily they were all able to get in and close the entrance behind him before one of Bill's henchmaniacs did indeed come across the bunker. "Uh boss, those mortals are gone!" the beast announced scratching his head with one of his eight-ball eyes becoming crooked. "Oh hush up 8-Ball, we can find them later!" Kishin Cipher said floating down to meet his minion's gaze as the other monsters roaming the forest gathered around their new master. "We'll focus on terrorizing all those stupid humans for now, but the reason why I broke you all out of the Nightmare Realm," the fusion stated before he stabbed a finger into his temple and rapidly drilled into it. "IS REVENGE!" The abominations cheered and chanted Kishin Cipher's name as one of the new monsters stepped forth. "Oh yes master, we are forever at your command!" the female beast cried bowing before him. "My pelt is now your pelt!" "Aw shucks Kaguya, you're just too kind!" Kishin Cipher complimented stroking her head and making her purr. "But my lord, what about those children?" a sharply-dressed humanoid being with a deformed face wondered. "Oh don't worry White Rabbit, I already got a few guys after them." Cipher answered before he projected an image of a snake, a spider and a scorpion crawling around.

Stepping further into the bunker, the Mystery Meisters finally came across the shelter which contained various weapons, food supplies and a small bed. "Wow, did you build this for some kinda apocalypse? If so, then I should've really brought a fire-shooting guitar along!" Patty exclaimed amazed at the room but Kid on the other hand wasn't as happy. "Did you even take symmetry into account Stanford?! Everything here is horribly unorganized!" he screamed trying to clean everything up. "Just messy, messy, messy!" "Looks like we're gonna be here a while. Who's up for some High-Flying Beans?!" McGucket asked rifling through their rations before he came across a familiar candy. "Hey waitaminute, is this my Smez dispenser? So that's where it went!" "Fiddleford's right, we might be in here for quite a long time, which is why I've gathered rations to last us until 2070." Ford explained. "In case any of us go hungry after like twenty years tops, we might have to resort to cannibalism." he remarked. "Wait, so we're gonna stay down here while all those monsters run amok?" Dipper asked. "We haven't lost yet Ford, we just need to think of a-" "WE HAVE LOST, WE LOST EVERYTHING!" the surviving great uncle suddenly exploded spooking his young partner and realized just what he had done. "Oh my goodness, I am terribly sorry Dipper! I didn't mean to blow up in your face!" "It's okay Ford, I know where you're coming from. It's horrible we lost Stan, but that's not important right now." Dipper reassured the older man. "Right now, we just gotta find a way to stop Kishin Cipher." "Thank you for that kid, but I think I should just sit down for a while." Ford stated taking a seat on the bed. "I still can't believe it, Bill took my brother after he spent years trying to bring me back." he mumbled. "Somehow I feel that is just cruelly ironic." "You talking about your brother?" Maka asked sitting down next to him. "I feel you Mr. Pines. In fact, I lost my weapon & best friend at the same time yet I'm not randomly screaming in everyone's face." she said. "I know Maka, but I've known Bill far longer than any of you." Ford said starting to choke up before crying. "In fact, I thought he was my friend." "Wait, what?!" Black Star shouted dropping a crate he was moving onto Spirit's foot. "You and Bill were actually bros once?!" he asked. "How long ago was it? Please elaborate." Stein said taking a puff of his cigarette. "It was when I was much younger, around Spirit's age, when I first met Bill." Ford stated beginning to reminisce on less traumatizing times.

"It was when I hit a roadblock in my research of Gravity Falls, and I thought there was nothing else left to discover until I met him in my dreams." Ford narrated picturing his younger self resting under a tree in the forest before the greenery turned into something bizarre. Examining his new surroundings, Ford then came face to face with a peculiar triangular creature who greeted him in a polite yet screechy tone. "Hiya smart guy!" the shape said, his voice echoing throughout the strange realm. "Whoa, don't have a heart attack! You're not 92 yet!" "Who are you?" the young scientist asked. "Name's Bill, and you're Stanford Pines, the man who changed the world! But I'm getting ahead of myself, let's relax." the creature, now named Bill, stated making a teapot and a chessboard appear out of thin air. "Have a cup of tea!" "He claimed to be a muse that chose one brilliant mind once a century to inspire. But of course it was all a lie." Ford continued in the present day. "I allowed him to take control of my body whenever he pleased. I trusted him like a research partner until I got a glimpse of Bill's true plans." Much later on, Ford and Fiddleford stood in front of the universe portal that they unknowingly helped Bill Cipher construct with a crash dummy for testing. "Are we clear Fidds?" the younger Pines asked his lab partner, who was unaware his foot got tangled with the rope tying the dummy down. "I'll take that as a yes! Ready and..." Suddenly Fiddleford felt himself sucked in along with the dummy when they released it, only saved by Ford at the last moment before the portal would swallow him whole. "I got ya buddy!" Ford shouted tugging the rope and pulling his partner back to the ground. "What is it? Is it working, what did you see?!" The only words that came out McGucket's mouth was complete gibberish before he rose from the ground, his eyes widened in horror. "When gravity falls and earth become sky, fear the beast with just one eye!" he chanted to Ford's confusion. "Fiddleford, get a hold of yourself! You're not making any sense!" Stanford cried trying to put a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder before he jerked away. "This machine is dangerous! You'll bring about the end of the world with this!" a now paranoid Fiddleford screamed. "Destroy it before it destroys us all!" "I can't destroy this, it's my life's work!" Ford tried to argue but his words fell on deaf ears as his partner stormed away. "I fear we've unleashed a great danger on the world, one that I'd just as soon forget. I quit!"

"I never learned just what he saw on the other side, but speaking in present tense I can only assume it was one of Bill's hangouts." Ford concluded his story. "Well is there anything in this bunker that can help us?" Tsubaki wondered. "Maybe if we can go deeper we'll get some answers!" Free replied tearing off a porthole that led to another room, this one consisting of various metal cubes lining every last corner. Going through the porthole, the room seemed almost normal except for a particular design on one of the tiles. "This security room is designed to crush intruders who don't have a code to reverse it. Now be sure to not step on that tile." Ford explained before he pointed to that specific tile. "That is the tile that could seal your dooms if someone presses it. Got it memorized?" "You got it." Free stated before he tried to step on the tile. "Ooh, what's this button do?" he asked and Soos grabbed him by the arm, keeping him away from the tile. "Sorry dude, you don't wanna press that. Might kill us all." Progressing further, they discovered a surveillance room connected to what seemed to be a laboratory given the presence of various cryogenic tubes, one of which was heavily damaged. "Seriously, how the hell did you build all of this without anyone noticing? And where did you get all the supplies too?" Black Star wondered before noticing something odd on one of the screens. "Hey, get outta there spider!" he said trying to squish it and realizing that it wasn't resting on the screen, but inside the lab itself. "Uh, Ford!" "Something the matter Black Star?" Ford asked the ninja. "You ever got any giant spiders in here? Cause I've already found one." he pointed out, much to the scientist's shock. "My word, how did that thing follow us in here?!" Ford cried racing to grab a rifle. "That thing could be one of Kishin Cipher's monsters, so I'm gonna need some help!" "You can count on me Sixer! Like I said before, just like old times!" McGucket declared arming himself with his sonic banjo. "We're with you as well Stanford." Stein added already commanding Spirit to transform into his scythe mode. "Okay then, let's move out!" Ford declared before Crona stopped him. "Wait, what about us Grunkle Ford?" "The rest of you stay in here and keep watch while we're gone! If anything happens, be on your guard." Ford stated before he, McGucket, Spirit and Stein departed the observation room to hunt down the spider, leaving the kids, Soos, Wendy, Blair, Excalibur, Free, Eruka and the Mizunes behind. "So what do we do now? The grownups all leave to kill spiders and we're stuck here doing nothing." Patty wondered unknowingly leaning on a red button on the console, causing one of the tubes to deactivate. This tube in particular contained what looked like a frozen Dipper screaming in terror that was ready to melt. The real Dipper gasped in horror, realizing just what this other him was. "Patty, what did you do?!" "What did I do?!" the Thompson asked. "You just released an evil experiment that tried to kill us when we first came here dude!" Wendy answered. "You sure about that guys? Looks like a frozen Dipper to me." Liz commented. "Exactly, that thing's a dangerous shapeshifter!" "Well what are we waiting for, let's go kill it!" Black Star shouted picking up Tsubaki and charging through the door that led to the lab, pretty much knocking it down. The rest of the party followed him behind ready to take on the beast.

Meanwhile with Ford's group, he, Fiddleford, Spirit and Stein crept through a long & winding tunnel system in search of the spider. "I don't think I remember ever digging such an elaborate passageway in here." Ford commented. "Did you Fidds?" "Nope, not the slightest clue!" McGucket replied before he dropped down and sniffed the ground to track its scent. "Think it went thataway!" he shouted pointing in the next direction like a dog. "Good work McGucket, though I'm not sure if that was really necessary." Stein stated and they moved onward. Going deeper through the caves, the four finally found the spider in a large open space that made it ripe for the squishing. "Okay everyone, be silent. I've only got one shot at this." Ford whispered aiming his rifle at the giant spider. "Ready, aim..." Just then, a snake loudly hissed breaking his concentration and firing, sending the bullet flying across the area. "What was that?!" "I think that was a snake!" Stein exclaimed. "Wait a minute. Spider, snake." he muttered then coming to a startling conclusion. "Oh no!" "Something the matter Frank?" Fiddleford asked before his mouth was hastily shut by the Meister. "Don't make a sound, they might hear us!" he cautioned them. "And yet you're making a sound right now!" Ford replied. "Kinda hypocritical much?" "Touche." Stein responded and just then, they heard a woman say "Vector Plate.", spawning an arrow under them & sending them flying toward the snake & spider. "Is this the scientist you told me about dear sister? I never seen someone with six fingers before." the gargantuan arachnid remarked before it transformed into a beautiful pale-skinned woman wearing a long black sleeveless dress. Spirit & Stein knew exactly who this was. "Arachne?!" "That's Arachne? And they're sisters apparently." Ford commented getting up and dusting himself off. "I don't see that much of a family resemblance." "Hello again Meister scum. And I see you've brought some new blood for us." Arachne greeted Stein. "It certainly has been a while Stein, pity that you abandoned me when you fell to madness." Medusa added. "Listen to me Stein, don't fall for her games!" Ford cautioned the Meister. "From the looks of it, she could trick anyone and then backstab-" It was then Ford came to a startling realization. A genius scientist that became close with a manipulative creature colored in black & yellow that was slowly toying with him. Why did that seem so familiar? It was almost like reliving the time he spent working with Bill, believing him to be a kindred spirit. "Weren't you all supposed to be dead?" Spirit asked. "I was until my sister requested that our new master bring us back to life." the elder Gorgon sibling answered. "Wait, what do you mean 'us'?" Ford wondered fearing if she was talking about someone else. His suspicions were confirmed to be true as another witch, this one looking much younger than the other two with a bizarre covering on her head that resembled a scorpion's tail at the end. "Meet our youngest sister, Shaula." "Wait, there's three of them?!" Ford exclaimed turning to Stein and pointing an accusing finger at him. "You only ever mentioned the two!" he shouted. "Well to be fair, how she was defeated was pretty embarrassing." Stein tried to defend himself. "I mean, she was killed by students of the NOT class!" "Silence!" Shaula boomed glaring at the pair of geniuses. "Kishin Cipher has resurrected all three of us to be his loyal servants and our mission right now is to kill all of you & those brats as well." she declared. "And as for my humiliation, he made sure it won't happen again and made me stronger." "Heads up y'all, looks like we're in for a rumble!" Fiddleford exclaimed picking up his sonic banjo as the others took up arms against the Gorgon sisters.

Back in the lab, the remaining Mystery Meisters were now face to face with a currently defrosted cryogenic tube and out of it, came an exact double of Dipper looking furious. "You!" it shouted in a deep voice pointing at Dipper, Mabel, Wendy & Soos. "You forced me into that contraption and left me to perish!" As it spoke, the Dipper clone transformed into a white-skinned insectlike creature with misshapen arms, one more slender with three fingers & the other swollen with a claw. "And I see you brought some fresh new faces for me as well." "That's what that shapeshifter looks like? I would comment on how horribly asymmetrical it is, but I'm too horrified beyond words!" Kid squeaked fearfully as the Shapeshifter took on the form of Maka. "Now then, which one shall it be?" it wondered emphasizing each word by transforming into Crona, Black Star, Tsubaki, Kid, Liz & Patty in that order. "Why not everyone?" it emphasized some more by turning into Eruka, Free and Mizune before its form changed into a terrifying amalgam of everybody he previously transformed into making them scream loudly in terror. "KILL IT WITH FIRE!" Pacifica hollered grabbing Liz, turning her into her weapon form and fired repeatedly, but the creature dodged the bullets by zooming off. "Where'd it go?" the formerly rich girl panted dropping Liz to the ground. "More importantly, where did you learn to fire like that?" the cowgirl weapon asked. "Got it from all my experience playing Bloodcraft: Overdeath." Pacifica answered boastfully. "PLATINUMPAZ level 100 to be precise." "You're PLATINUMPAZ? That's why I always get creamed whenever I face you!" Black Star exclaimed. "We can talk about video games later dudes, anyone know where that shifter guy went?" Soos inquired. "And more importantly, did I always have two big sisters?" Patty added remarking upon the sudden appearance of another Liz. "That is utterly preposterous Patty, our Liz isn't nearly as busty!" Kid stated clutching both of their assets. "As we should know, you aren't very symmetrical! Especially your chests!" This observation earned him a good smack on the head from Liz. "Well this is something only the real Liz would do!" "Wait, if that's the real Liz, then who's-" Tsubaki asked before she came to a shocking conclusion. "Oh no." she muttered frighteningly as the second Liz laughed before it transformed back into the Shapeshifter. "You discovered me far too easily!" it said. "But enough about you, I think it's about time I get revenge on you Dipper!" "Get back everyone, I'm going in alone!" Dipper ordered bravely picking up Excalibur. "Are you crazy Dipper?! Let me come too!" Wendy exclaimed pulling out her axe. "And us too, since we're going for a whole sharp weapons thing here!" Ragnarok added forming into Crona's sword. "Ah, we engage in a swords and sorcery type battle, I see. In that case!" The shapeshifter then formed a pair of its own swords out of its arms. "So be it!" "Okay change of plans. Me, Wendy and Crona will take on the shapeshifter while the rest of you take cover!" Dipper explained. "You got it broseph!" The others raced back into the adjacent room as Dipper made the first move, clashing Excalibur with the Shapeshifter's makeshift sword while Wendy scarred its other arm and Crona stabbing it in the back.

"I'm like really sorry for letting this happen guys." Patty hurriedly apologized dropping to her knees. "If there's anything I can do to make it up to you, just say the word!" "Hey chill out sis, it was just a button." Liz assured her younger sister. "And besides, it's not like you gave away something that could end the universe as we know it." Her comment accidentally sent shivers down Mabel's spine as she turned away nervously stroking her hair. She knew she couldn't keep mum about a certain event last summer no longer, but feared that if she spoke up about it right now it would result in being ostracized from her family. "Uh, are you okay Mabel?" Maka asked her. "What, no! I'm fine, perfectly fine!" Mabel exclaimed shyly, still not wanting to give away that secret she was keeping for months. "You know what would be great dudes? If we had some popcorn with us, cause this fight is heating up!" Soos exclaimed bringing attention to the fight going on next door. "Kinda like a fighting game!" "Yeah, get 'em Crona!" Black Star cheered the son of Medusa on. "Yeah, give that thing what for DP!" Pacifica added. "You can do it Wendy!" Soos exclaimed waving his arms around. "C'mon guys, do the wave with me!" Everybody complied doing the wave, all except for Mabel who remained silent in the corner and Eruka, Free & the Mizunes who had transformed into their animal forms and snuck away.

The four-way battle raged on with Dipper now getting a better grip on the sheer awesome power of Excalibur as he clashed with the Shapeshifter. "Look man, we don't want any more trouble then we've already caused, we just want to find shelter in here away from the flipping apocalypse!" "You have denied my freedom to roam the outside world and seek revenge, and now I shall deny you and your comrades the freedom of life!" the Shapeshifter roared before it suddenly heard a croak coming from the dark corner. It then immediately snatched Eruka from her hiding place and held her hostage. "Surrender now or this little toad gets it!" "Hey, let my little buddy go ya stupid Xenomorph!" Free shouted tackling the experiment from behind. "Think you can copy a werewolf like me big boy?! I'd like to see you try!" he challenged only to be smacked aside. "You are insignificant to me now. Leave or face death." "Well we're outta here! Dipper, we're gonna go look for Mr. Ford." Eruka explained hopping away to find the author. "And if you don't make it out, we'll tell him you're sorry." With the traitorous minions of Medusa now gone, the battle restarted with the Shapeshifter now preparing to attack Crona, but Wendy was quick to put herself in its path and slash the monster's mouth off, causing green blood to spew everywhere. "Always wanted to do that." "All right, go Wendy!" Ragnarok exclaimed. "Makes me wonder how that old man is doing."

Speaking of Ford, he was currently backed into a corner by Arachne, his rifle now out of ammo. "Seriously, what even kills you?!" he screamed deciding to just beat her over the head with the empty weapon itself. "I would say, but it would be foolish of me to do so." the spider witch snidely answered slashing him across the face with her fan. "AGH!" "Stanford!" Stein cried out temporarily distracted from Medusa, which led her to stab him from behind with an arrow. "Why continue to show concern for these fools when you can return to my side Stein?" she asked the bleeding genius picking him up by the shirt collar with a seductive, manipulative smirk on her face. "You are the most powerful Meister there ever was, and yet you continue to serve as Death's flunky." "Well at least I actually care for people. The only person you ever show concern for is yourself, everybody else you just lie to and use for your own gain." Stein wheezily remarked with a bold expression. "I know someone who has been through almost the exact same situation and I refuse to go through this again! Let's go Spirit!" "Right old chum!" Spirit replied being picked up by his Meister and activated their Soul Resonance. This caused stitches to appear at the three sisters' feet and tying them down to the ground. "Whoa nelly, they're knitted at the soles!" McGucket shouted enamored at the duo's techniques, using it as an opportunity to smack Shaula in the face with his banjo. "Quit hitting me you oafish hillbilly!" "Get down Fiddleford, I'm coming in for the kill!" Stein exclaimed preparing to land the final blow on the sisters before he felt something soft and squishy be stabbed on his scythe. "Uh oh." The object exploded revealing it to be one of Eruka's tadpole bombs and blowing him back, much to the frog witch's embarrassment. "Oh my God, I'm terribly sorry sir! I didn't notice you were already attacking, I just believed you needed help! Oh please forgive me!" "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with the kids?" Stein asked them. "We thought you needed help against that giant spider but it turned out she's the sister of our ex-boss!" Free stated laughing nervously. "And speaking of the kids, your great-nephew is kicking the ass of some weird alien thing alongside the redhead and Crona." "Weird alien thing?" McGucket wondered. "Hey, I think he's talkin' 'bout Shifty!" he realized with a snap of his fingers before becoming scared. "Oh no, I think he's talkin' 'bout Shifty!" "Wait, that's what you called that monster? It transformed into all of us when we accidentally unfroze it and is now after Dipper, Crona & Wendy!" Eruka exclaimed. "I can explain later. Now let's move!" Ford commanded preparing to race back to the lab before he felt his feet slip off the ground. "Oh right, almost forgot about her." "We don't have time for you anymore Pines, but we'll keep on watching." Medusa threatened and the trio faded into the shadows cackling, their eyes being the only thing visible before finally vanished. "Well that was...ominous." Spirit remarked. "Now then, you were saying?" "Right, let's get outta here!" Ford stated racing out of the cave and the others followed.

"Any final requests brat?" the Shapeshifter snarled despite it having lost its mouth, now pinning Dipper against the wall as the boy tried to attack with Excalibur. "You can't stop me! I have the single most powerful weapon in the world!" Dipper declared holding the sword in the air before it was snatched out of its hands. "No!" "The most powerful weapon in the world? Doesn't seem to look like much." the experiment commented examining Excalibur before the Holy Sword spoke up. "FOOL! I'd think twice before insulting the legendary weapon of King Arthur himself!" he declared to the monster's shock. "It can talk?!" "Yes indeed. Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Holy Sword known as Excalibur, sought after by Meisters far and wide to gain my ultimate power." Excalibur rambled. During his long-winded speech, not even the Shapeshifter was safe from making the Excalibur face, despite again losing its mouth. "Is he seriously this obnoxious?" "You have no idea." Dipper replied. "Now's our chance!" he exclaimed, giving Wendy & Crona an opening to strike the beast down, making him drop the young detective and the sword. "Are you ready Excalibur?!" he asked. "As a matter of fact, allow me to take this one boy." Excalibur said turning into his weapon form and hovering high in the air. "Holy Explosion!" he shouted zooming towards the Shapeshifter and stabbing him in the remains of its head and emitted a powerful explosion, finally killing it for good. When the dust cleared, all the three of them could see was Excalibur silently dusting himself off next to the green blood-covered remains of the Shapeshifter. "Where did that explosion come from?!" the voice of Free exclaimed running closer to the lab. "It came from here! Hopefully the kids are okay!" Ford replied finally entering the battle-damaged laboratory where they found Dipper panting and the Shapeshifter's corpse rotting. "Shifty..." "I am so sorry I had to do this Ford. But he tried to kill us once and we couldn't let him do it again." Dipper apologized putting a comforting hand on his great uncle, now mourning the death of the creature. "I accept your apology Dipper, but I feel like this is partially my fault as well." Ford stated remorsefully. "When Fiddleford and I raised it, it slowly became dangerous for some reason which led me to try and imprison it." "And we all know how badly that failed!" McGucket exclaimed killing the dour mood. "Oop, sorry. Carry on y'all." he then quickly apologized. "Now where the others at?" "That was totally wicked!" Black Star screamed in excitement as the aforementioned rest of the party burst out from the security room to congratulate Dipper, Crona & Wendy. "I mean, the way you weaponized Excalibur's annoyingness to kill him off was alphanumeric!" he shouted. "Try and guess which word I made up?" "We can all talk later. What happened to Mabel?" Dipper asked. "She's still with us, but she's been rather quiet for some reason lately." Kid stated. "No matter, now we have to contact my father! Maka?" "Right Kid." Maka obeyed stepping up to the cryogenic tube, fogging up the glass and writing the number needed to contact Death. "42-42-564, whenever you want to knock on Death's door." the girl Meister chanted causing the glass to turn into an image of Lord Death. "Oh hello there everyone! I see you've got Pacifica back, good show!" the Shinigami applauded the Mystery Meisters before he realized something was wrong. "Hey, what smells like dead alien body? And where are Soul & Stanley?" The party was silent for a few moments before Dipper put his hat over his chest. "They're gone." he revealed. "They gave themselves up to Kishin Cipher to save us and got turned into monsters like what happened with Pacifica's dad." "And then the guy unleashed all sorts of fresh hell all across Gravity Falls, complete with his own big showtune!" Patty shouted, much to Death's horror. "No, it can't be!" he gasped. "In Layman's terms Mr. Death, we're gonna need somewhere to hide until we're ready cause Gravity Falls is definitely no longer safe!" Soos said. "You got any place for us to stay sir?" "Oh yes, you can room with my students in Death City and train to stop Kishin Cipher." Lord Death suggested. "Thank you old friend, but first I would like to have a word with my new Meister." Excalibur said. "Mason Pines, please step forward." "Wait-what-how did you know my real name?!" Dipper exclaimed in confusion before the sword cut him off. "FOOL! I shall answer later, now take a knee my boy." he commanded, making the young man think he was being knighted. "His real name is Mason?" Pacifica tittered, causing Excalibur to silence them as well. "And you shall stay quiet as well!" "Yes sir." the rest of the Mystery Meisters complied bowing before the boy and the sword. "Mason Pines, for your sudden expertise in mastering the art of the sword, learning how to properly resonate with me and using my abilities to stop a great evil. I hereby anoint you as my newest Meister." he announced knighting Dipper with his cane. "May I wish good fortune upon you my friend." "Aw look, you made a new friend Excalibur!" Death exclaimed cheerfully before he began musing on how to move everyone to the Academy. "Now how can I create a way outta there?" he pondered before Eruka spoke up. "I believe Free and I can help out." "Oh, a witch helping us out? The last time that ever happened, we were quickly betrayed." Stein commented as the witch and the wolfman began combining their magic to create a gateway to Death City. With various mathematics symbols beginning to circle around a green entryway, the entrance began giving off a heavenly glow that left the duo exhausted. "Now before anyone says we pulled it out our butts, it's partially true." Free panted giving a thumbs up. "Spatial Magic and Magic Calculation, an unstoppable team." Eruka wheezed in reply. "Excellent, thank you for your assistance. Now come along, to Death City we go!" Ford exclaimed charging into the portal before Stein, McGucket, Spirit, Gideon, Black Star, Tsubaki, Blair, Waddles and Pacifica ran in after him. When almost everyone had exited the bunker into the portal, Dipper, Mabel, Maka and Crona were the only ones left to find that the witch's former cronies were being put back up on their feet by the Mizunes. "Aren't you coming with us too?" Mabel asked Eruka. "I would like to Mabel, anything to get away from this hellhole, but your town is in trouble and without you around, we might as well stay behind." Eruka answered reassuringly hugging the human girl. "And I just want to say, thank you both for helping us." "Yeah, we're gonna miss you little rascals!" Free exclaimed nearly crushing Dipper in a bear hug. "Gonna miss you guys too, now please stop crushing me!" Dipper groaned before being dropped to the ground. "And thank you for helping us get home." Maka stated gratefully. "Now good luck on protecting Gravity Falls while we're gone." "Uh guys, I think the portal might close any minute now!" Crona warned his friends as the gateway to Death City began to slightly fizzle out. "Oh right! Thanks for reminding us Crona." Dipper exclaimed before he ran into the light followed by his sister and Maka. "We'll see you guys later!" The last one to step into the portal was Crona, but only after he gave Free & Eruka one last hug. "I hope you'll all be okay when we get back." the Demon Swordsman whimpered. "Don't sweat it squirt, we got the skills to survive." Free assured Crona pushing him into the light. "Now go on, be with your friends." Crona put on a final smile before he faded into the light and the portal finally gave out, leaving the room almost deserted. "Well then, let's get crackin'!" the wolfman declared preparing to move out. "C'mon you three-eyed bastard, Papa Free's ready to get the belt out!" The Mizunes chittered in agreement scurrying behind and Eruka, turning back to examine the room hoping that her new friends safely escaped to Death City, being the last to leave, the only current occupant of the room being the decomposing corpse of the Shapeshifter.

Mere hours after the bunker was left completely empty, Kishin Cipher suddenly appeared and forced the Gorgons to kneel before him. "So, let's set a few things straight." he said in a polite yet livid tone. "I assigned you all to follow the Pines and those moronic Meisters into the bunker to kill them all." As Kishin Cipher continued, his voice grew deeper and his body turned a haunting crimson signaling that he was furious. "AND YET YOU ALL FAILED TO DO THAT TO EITHER OF THEM! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN YOU IDIOTS?!" "Please forgive us master, Screw was about to kill us when one of my former minions intervened and still they won over us!" Medusa begged for mercy. "Which one, the brain-dead mutt, the whiny frog or those pesky little mice?" Kishin Cipher sarcastically asked returning to normal. "And speaking of which, you might as well found me a new one!" Kishin Cipher then hovered over to the remains of the Shapeshifter and brought him back to life, albeit still with his mouth & an arm missing and various scars. "Good old Shifty! I've read a lot about you in Fordsy's journals, but I never thought we'd meet in person one day!" "Bill Cipher I presume?" the newly revived experiment asked. "Close but no cigar Stitch! Call me Kishin Cipher, the God of Weirdness & Madness and new master of these lands!" the Dream Kishin declared causing reality to spin around like a carousal and then stopping. "So, how'd you end up like this?" "There was this boy with an annoying sword who had put an end to me." the Shapeshifter answered to the horror of Kishin Cipher. "Wait, Pine Tree has Excalibur now?!" he exclaimed in shock. "I may be an utter pain in the ass to every one of my victims, but even I know where to draw the line!" "I need revenge! Make me your slave and I promise I shall be your greatest ally!" the creature begged him. Kishin Cipher contemplated for a few moments before finally accepting. "Okay then buddy, you're now mine!" he exclaimed. "But first you're gonna need some new threads." With a snap of his fingers, the Shapeshifter felt itself transform from a bizarre alien creature to a black chameleon-like beast with white markings lining its body, blood red eyes and a large heart-shaped hole in its chest. "So how's the new look dahling?" Kishin Cipher inquired with a proud look on his face admiring his work. "I feel so reinvigorated master! Please tell me when we can kill the Pines?!" "Up bup bup, don't get excited so soon! We still got other things to do." Kishin Cipher declared before he created a portal that he, the Shapeshifter and the witch sisters stepped into, no doubt to somewhere to plot their next scheme.

And so Weirdmageddon commences. With out heroes now being forced to retreat and the villains gathering forces, me the author and you the readers are left on the edge of our seats to learn what happens next. Will Ford make peace with his inner demons? What will happen when Mabel's secret gets out? Is there any way of stopping Kishin Cipher now?! Tune in next chapter, same Soul time, same Falls channel!

[zonerobotnik]

Left Out (GF One-shot)

The Mystery Shack was abuzz with noise. It was August 31st, 2017, and Dipper and Mabel Pines were 18 years old! Their friends had all been invited, and merriment was everywhere. Who could not be happy on a day like this? Wait, let's amend that second statement. Some of their friends had been invited. Unless, of course, they didn't count him as a “friend” and more as a “tolerable acquaintance”. Why was he at all surprised? Every year, from 2012 to now, it had been the same. The Pines held a party, and everyone was invited. Everyone but Gideon Gleeful, it seemed.

He didn't know why he bothered every year to bring a present. He didn't know why he bothered talking to them in town. It was clear he wasn't wanted. He was 15 now, not that anyone cared, and it had been five years of this. Maybe he should just stop. This would be the last time. It was for the best. He shouldn't keep clinging on to false hope that he might actually matter to someone anymore. The town hated him, all he had were his prison buddies. Even his parents only seemed to tolerate him. No more self-pity. No more hope. He was done. He slipped around to the other side of the yard to avoid the party, since the only time he tried to join it there had been awkward looks until he finally just left,  and set a wrapped box on the doorstep. This would be the last present he left here. He had no idea what had happened to his presents the previous years, maybe they weren't even opened as soon as they saw his name, but he was done caring. “Hold on, Mabel, I gotta go the bathroom and your pig's in the way of that door.” He heard Dipper say. He was heading Gideon's way, he realized, and quickly backed away from the present to hide in the treeline. “Well, hurry back!” Mabel called after him. Dipper chuckled and walked over to the door to open it, but paused when he noticed the wrapped box on the doorstep. “What the...?” He frowned and knelt down, picking it up and checking the tag. “Oh. ...What'd you leave this year?” He looked around before pulling the ribbon loose and unwrapping the package. “Oh...Oh, Gideon...” Gideon tensed a bit as Dipper carefully picked up the hand-carved and painted wooden figures of Dipper and Mabel. Days of work put into what would probably end up in the fireplace, Gideon thought bitterly. “Man...these are beautiful.” Dipper said softly, looking them over. “I...why would he just leave these and go?” Was Dipper kidding? Did he not remember the birthday party of 2013? Gideon scoffed, glancing to the side. Why was he even sticking around? He should just go. “Is he still around here?” Dipper put the figures back in the box and closed it, picking the box up as he stood. “Gideon? Are you here?” Don't answer that. Just don't. He was probably going to just shove them back into Gideon's arms and say he was stupid for making them in the first place. Maybe say he was awfully presumptive to think he was ever their friend. Tears came to his eyes unbidden and he wiped at them furiously. Never mind that he had given himself up to Bill Cipher for them. Never mind that he had lost the ability to peacefully dream. Clearly his stupid actions before then was so irredeemable that he could never be considered a friend. God, why did he even still live in this town? He might as well just run away. Another year and he'd be old enough to drive off and get an apartment somewhere. He was so preoccupied with his thoughts he hadn't noticed Dipper walking up to him and jolted when he felt a hand on his wrist. “Hey...why are you hiding over here, huh?” Dipper asked. “...I don't belong.” Gideon said quietly, glancing away. Dipper sighed and gently pulled him out of the treeline. “Who said that?” “Everyone.” Gideon gave a small shrug. “Gideon, you're welcome at the party, you know.” Dipper smiled. Gideon shook his head. “No, I'm not. The one time I went, everyone felt awkward about me being there and stared at me until I left.” “That...” Dipper looked unsure of how to defend that. “...Okay, but that was years ago. Maybe now--” “Even now, I can't even go to the park without getting strange looks.” Gideon said bitterly. “Just...just go back to your party. You can throw those in the fire if you want to.” “Why would I do that?” Dipper asked. “Why would you keep them?” Gideon retorted. “Because I like them.” Dipper said firmly. “Look...maybe you're just imagining all the looks or maybe they're real. I don't know. But, I know that I want you to come and join us. At least for a bit.” Gideon shook his head.. “No.” “Then sit inside with me and have some cake. At least be here.” Dipper coaxed him. Gideon sighed. “Why do you care? I'm just a blemish in your perfect little family portrait. Just a reminder of a bad memory.” “So is Great Uncle Ford, but he's not a blemish.” Dipper pointed out. “He was never your enemy. He's always been a hero, and I'm just a screw-up. I'm just a love-struck idiot that went too far and ended up in prison and now everyone wants to avoid me.” Gideon tried to pull his hand free, but Dipper held on. “Dipper, let go.” “No. For the past five years, you've been left with the impression that no one likes you. I think it's time we remedy that.” Dipper said firmly. “How?” Gideon asked. “Well, to start with...” Dipper handed him the box and then wrapped an arm around his shoulders as he pulled out his cell-phone. “Smile!” Gideon gave a nervous smile as Dipper took a picture of them together, and then Dipper took the box back and handed him the phone. Gideon looked at the picture, confused. Dipper wanted to be in a picture with them? And he was...happy about it? He handed it back, bewildered. “Come on, let's go in. I gotta piss and you're not leaving.” Dipper grabbed his hand and led him to the door, opening it to go inside. Gideon let him lead him along, wondering if maybe this was some bizarre dream. “Uhm...can I ask a question?” “Yeah?” Dipper looked at him. “...Why did I not get invited?” Gideon glanced at the party outside. Dipper frowned. “I dunno. I'll talk to Mabel about it, maybe it was a mistake.” “A mistake made every year.” Gideon pointed out. “Okay, I'm talking to her. I know I put your name on the list.” Dipper grumbled and pointed to a chair. “Sit. Wait. I'll be right back.” He finally let go of him and went into the bathroom. Dipper had put his name on the list? Gideon wasn't sure if it was true or if he was just saying that to make him feel better. Gideon quietly sat down and looked at the box of figurines, sighing softly. This was going all weird. He just wanted to leave it and go, why did he decide to stay and see what Dipper's reaction to it was? So stupid. He heard someone else coming in and gasped, ducking under the table. He didn't want to be asked when he was doing there. He recognized the boots as Stanford (the older one) and he stopped and seemed to be examining the figurines curiously. “Dipper?” Stanford asked. “Where did you get these figurines from?” “Ah.” Dipper came out of the bathroom. “Those are from Gideon.” “Gideon? The little boy?” Stanford asked. “He's 15 now, Great Uncle Ford.” Dipper chuckled and then looked around. “Hey, where'd he go?” “Is he really? I didn't notice.” Stanford admitted. “Well, he is. Aw, man, did he leave?” Dipper looked out the window. “I told him to stay here...” “I didn't see anyone leaving as I entered.” Stanford offered helpfully. “Hm...” Dipper knelt down and finally saw Gideon hiding. “There you are. Come on, out of there. You've been hiding long enough.” He offered Gideon a hand. Gideon sighed and took his hand, letting him pull him out of there. “I should really just go. No need to start a fight with your sister on your birthday over me.” “We're not gonna fight.” Dipper assured him, then walked over and nudged Waddles. “Hey, pig, move it.” “Don't call him 'pig'.” Mabel laughed. “Just climb over him or use the other door.” “Or you can make him move.” Dipper raised an eyebrow. Stanford walked over and knelt next to the pig, starting to tickle him. Waddles squirmed and squealed before moving out of the way. “There. Should've done that earlier.” He looked at Dipper. “Good.” Dipper nodded and looked at Gideon. “Come on.” Gideon glanced at the other door. He could just leave, avoid the whole thing. He could see Mabel was setting up a camera outside. “Come on, you two!”” Mabel called impatiently. “Not yet.” Dipper walked over and took Gideon's hands. “Come on. Join us.” He pulled him along to the doorway, making sure to look over his shoulder every now and then to make sure he wouldn't trip. Gideon sighed and let him lead him out, wincing a bit as the sun hit his eyes. Stanford walked out after them, apparently catching on that Dipper didn't want to chance Gideon breaking free and running for the other door. “Dipper, what took so...oh.” Mabel glanced to the side awkwardly. “When did Gideon get here?” “He just arrived. I guess he got lost on the way.” Dipper grinned at Gideon. “Good thing we hadn't taken pictures yet. Oh, right!” He let go of Gideon's hands and went to grab the box, bringing it out to her to see. “Look what he made for us. These are even better than last year's.” “Y-Yeah.” Mabel looked at the figures, avoiding Gideon's eyes. Gideon could tell she was uncomfortable and looked at Stanford. “...I have to go.” “Dipper would be upset if you left.” Stanford told him. “I can't stay here and upset Mabel.” Gideon shook his head and moved around to the porch railing, climbing over it and escaping back to the woods. “Hey, Gid--...Gideon?” Dipper looked around, seeing he'd gone. “Oh no.” He left the figurines with Mabel and ran off to find him. “Gideon!” – He knew it, he should've just left. Mabel didn't want him there, it was clear. She still hadn't forgiven him for his actions five years ago, and now he was ruining her 18th birthday. He just didn't belong in this town anymore, and especially not with her. “Gideon!” He heard Dipper calling his name and walked faster. He needed to just disappear. Disappear from their pictures, their lives, everything. His parents hated him, the town didn't trust him, and he had endless nightmares that plagued his very existence. Without his powers he was useless to his father, and he couldn't even forget everything and start anew. And Mabel...she hated him, maybe even feared him. The few conversations they'd had were short, concise, and she always found a reason to walk away. She was always busy when he visited, and after two visits like that he just gave up on trying. He'd tried giving up on her, but then what? He felt empty, purposeless. What was he, without his powers and his love for Mabel? He had nothing left. He was sure that Dipper only talked to him out of pity, maybe a little bit of gratitude for giving himself up to Bill. He stopped at the stream, staring into its depths and wondering how far it would carry his body before he got caught in rocks. Maybe he should just go all the way to the lake. “There you are!” Gideon looked over his shoulder at Dipper. Out of breath and disheveled, Dipper had followed him into the woods and actually looked...happy to have found him. “Dipper.” “Why'd you leave?” Dipper walked over to him. “Mabel was unhappy.” Gideon looked to the side. “But your leaving made me unhappy. Doesn't that matter?” Dipper asked. “I don't know. I don't know why you care.” Gideon sighed. “No one else does.” Dipper frowned and reached out, like he was about to take his hands again, and then threw his arms around Gideon's body, pulling him close. “You idiot. Why wouldn't I care? Aren't we friends?” He asked, his chin digging into Gideon's shoulder. “Friends...?” Gideon looked at him. “Are we actually friends?” “Why would you ask that?” Dipper looked at his face and gasped. Gideon's expression was empty of feeling, like he'd completely given up. Dipper then gasped again and looked at the stream, realizing what Gideon was about to do. “Oh, damn...Gideon...” He held him tightly again. “Of course we're friends. I'm just a bad friend that's stupid. Don't...don't do this, man. People care about you.” “People?” Gideon asked. “What people?” “I care about you, and what about your friend Ghost-Eyes? And your parents?” Dipper held him at hands-length, looking at him intensely. “Why do you think people don't care?” Gideon looked towards the stream. “I spent five days in my room and my parents barely noticed I was even home. I spent five weeks in the woods and no one noticed I was missing. Hell, some people were disappointed I was back. Ghost-Eyes and the others are back in prison, and my parents...my mother has always hated me and my father used me for money. He never cared about me. N-No one...has ever really cared about me unless I threw money at them or acted like the naive little kid. And after Bill let it be known that I let him back in town in the first place to everyone that was brought in after I was put in that cage, that spread through town like a wildfire. A-And--” “That's enough.” Dipper held him tightly again. “Just...that's enough. I still care about you, okay? You made mistakes, so did I. I broke Mabel's heart and that's why she ran off and Bill got to the rift in my bag in the first place. But people can recover from mistakes. The world didn't end that week, we're still here.” Gideon sighed. “I'm ruining your birthday.” “You know what? I'll live, okay? I'll freakin' live. It's just a birthday. You wanna talk about ruining birthdays? I don't even know when yours is. I think Mabel knows, she mentioned it once in passing, but we've never – even once – wished you a happy birthday. And now you're telling me your parents hate you and the only people that cared about you aren't around anymore? That's just...” Dipper pulled Gideon away from the stream. “It needs to change, okay? It needs to change. When is your birthday?” “July 9th.” Gideon said quietly. “On your next birthday, we'll do something special, okay? Just you and me. Forget anyone else. Forget Mabel. In fact, we can go do something just us today, too. I'm tired of my friend not coming to my birthday party just because Mabel starts to pout.” Dipper moved his hand down to Gideon's. “She can live without me for one birthday. We'll have many, many more. Let's go do something fun. Wanna go out to eat? We could drive somewhere, too, I've got a license. You wanna drive?” “I don't know what I want.” Gideon admitted. “Well, we're going to just drive and figure it out from there. Come on, let's go tell everyone I'm driving off.” Dipper pulled him along, back through the woods. “And if you ever stand at the edge of a cliff or a body of water with that empty look in your eyes again, I am tying you to me with a rope.” Gideon actually gave a genuine smile at that, giggling softly. “Okay. Happy birthday, Dipper.” Dipper smiled at him over his shoulder and then looked forward as they left the woods together. End

[nataliedanovelist]

GF - Chess

Stanford placed his knight on the desired space on the antique board. Pa had gotten his hands on an really old chess game and had displayed it in the shop, so until it was sold, Stanford decided that he was going to teach Stanley how to play. The ten-year-old was certainly clever enough to understand the game if he tried, but that was it; Stanley wasn't even trying. It was like playing with a robot. His moves were so basic and unplanned. Still, Stanford had fun and watched as his brother took his crook, leaving an open pathway to his black king. Stanford moved his white queen with a little victorious click on the wooden board; he was just one move away from winning the game.

"Check."

Stanley looked up and gave his next move some thought. There was only one other space for the king to go: one space to the left, so Stanley moved the king in an attempt to win, but Stanford moved his queen over to the left one space, just five spaces up from the king.

"Check."

There was no way Stanley could win by moving the king; he'd have to take down the white queen with one move or lose. And Stanley Pines doesn't lose easily! He saw that he had a bishop that was just one space off from a perfect diagonal line from taking the queen, but it was on a dark square, not a white square. As luck would have it, Ma poked her head into the pawn shop and Stanford turned his head away from the game,

"Boys, dinner'll be ready in ten minutes." She warned.

"Be right there, Ma." Stanford called back politely, meanwhile his brother sneakily moved his bishop to the correct line.

Stanford turned around and Stanley didn't waste a second to take his turn. He moved the bishop down the diagonal line and took the queen. Stanford gasped, horrified that he didn't catch that, and held his chin to think of what to do. They could pause the game for dinner, but he didn't trust Stanley to not cheat (he was blissfully unaware that his brother already had), so Stanford knew he'd have to win right here, right now. His eye caught one last saving piece for the game, the little guy no one would think would win, and he moved his pawn.

"HA! Check!"

Stanley's jaw dropped. Stanford had his arms crossed over his chest smugly as Stanley tried to see how to save his beloved king, but every move he'd make the pawn could copy, so the king was trapped. Stanley growled under his breath and flicked his king down in surrender.

Stanford had just enough time to stand on his antique stool and do a victory-dance before they had to run upstairs for dinner.

The fourth-floor lobby of the men's dormitories at Backupsmore was nice enough, but certainly worn, seeing how it usually hosted unruly freshmen. Luckily, it still had a pair of comfy couches, a small TV, an old radio, a coffee table, and a few big tables with chairs to use as desks; it was like a standard living room, but with additional studying space crammed into the large room.

At one desk, Stanford sat across from his roommate. While others were playing in the fallen leaves like children, the polydactyl freshman was more than happy to sit in the warm lobby with his new friend. Fiddleford was a brilliant young man who was just as smart as him and had that same love for science and drive to learn. It was refreshing and as Stanford held his cleft chin in thought, he couldn't help but feel grateful that his new opponent was a bit more of a challenge than his last competitor. Finally, Stanford moved his black knight. Fiddleford also took his time to move, which Stanford didn't mind. Chess was a nice game to have if you wanted to have a conversation, but it was also just as easy to get lost in thought and not even think about communicating with your opponent. Although, Fiddleford's silence may be due to concentrating; he was a little rusty at the game, as he explained prior that his family usually favored checkers over chess.

Stanford looked out the huge window that nearly covered the wall facing the campus. The oranges, yellows, and reds that filled the air from the trees and it's dying leaves made Backupsmore feel cozy, warm, and safe. Stanford was more comfortable sitting with his friend, wearing an orange turtleneck, and playing a game than he had been in a long time. Really, he hadn't noticed it since he was comfortable, but for a few months now he had been on edge, his anxiety too high and his hours of sleep too low. Maybe it was because he had finally gotten settled on campus, maybe it was because he had time to recover from the Incident, or maybe Fall really did do that to a person, but regardless as to why, Stanford was grateful to the peaceful feeling he had on his shoulders and back. He felt like ten pounds had been lifted off of him.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when Fiddleford moved. Seeing where his train of thought was leading the musician, Stanford gave a sly grin and used his pawn to steal Fiddleford's crook.

It seemed like he had just closed his aching eyes to try to regain some strength through the necessary action of sleep. Now he opened them again, as if he had only blinked, but he found his exhaustion gone, as well as his aches and worries. It was hard to worry in such a peaceful environment such as this.

Stanford smiled at seeing his Muse, his friend, Bill Cipher, sitting in a chair across from him, a game of interdimensional-chess separating them. Bill was white, he was always white (which in the game interdimensional-chess meant Bill's pieces were only a slightly lighter shade of blue than Stanford's), so he moved a pawn without even touching it and squinted his eye happily at the human he had chosen to inspire this century.

"Good to see you again, Fordsie!" Bill greeted.

"It's been awhile, hasn't it?" Stanford replied politely and moved a black pawn. Then again, a few weeks would hardly compare to the hundreds - maybe even thousands - of years his Muse has been around.

Bill shrugged and moved another pawn, as if to say "Whatcha gonna do?" The triangle-shaped being with answers then gave the human a more thoughtful look. "Still having trouble with that Unified Theory of Weirdness, huh?"

Stanford sighed before moving his crook. "Unfortunately, yes. I still fail to see how everything is connected. All of the anomalies are different and weird in their own right that it's nearly impossible to pinpoint a commonality between them, but there must be! There must be something that connects them all, isn't there? Why else would so many anomalies be located in Gravity Falls?" He asked, looking for clarity from his Muse that he wasn't crazy, that he wasn't delusional, that he was on the right track.

"Whoa, easy there, Sixer." Bill said calmly. While Stanford sipped his tea (it was Camomile and his ideal perfect cup of tea; perfect amount of sweetness, perfect temperature, it was like the drink had come directly from Stanford's mind, which it probably did seeing how they were in the mindscape), the triangle went on and added, "You're not that far off. Look, you keep looking for common behavior, right? Well, what if what's common about all the weird stuff is their history?"

Stanford lowered his cup back on it's saucer and let it float near his head. "What do you mean?"

Bill moved his next piece on the chess board. "Well, what if I told you that what connects all the weirdness of Gravity Falls is it's origins? I mean, you've heard of the whole different-dimension-theory, Fordsie."

"It's true, then?" Stanford asked, having heard of this theory via college professors and science-fiction movies. "There are multiple dimensions?" It made sense when he gave it some thought, but up until now he never had.

Bill laughed and held his three-sided body. "You better believe it! Hundreds of thousands of different realities that never touch! Some millions of years more advanced than your dimension, some centuries behind. Some are so different that you can't possibly even imagine it being true until you've seen it, some are only slightly different than your own. But we're not here to talk about hundreds of millions of dimensions. We're here to talk about one. One dimension that leaked into yours. One dimension that'll make your Unified Theory of Weirdness, if you can prove it."

Stanford stared happily at his friend. This… there was no way he would've ever come up with this on his own! Immediately, however, his mind was spinning with fresh ideas and a new speed with excitement as fuel. This Muse had truly outdone himself this time! He truly inspired the man to do amazing things! Stanford moved another pawn to free his queen. "And how do I do that?" He asked, trying to keep his giddiness at bay.

Bill's eye squinted with happiness again, and he used his knight to take one of Stanford's pawns.

Ford had seen that the tours were over through the hidden cameras when the large group of people left the Shack. Good. He could go for another cup of coffee. He slowly opened the hidden door behind the vending machine and was almost oblivious to the sounds of laughter and playful bickering. Almost.

"Ha! Nice try, Mabel!"

"NO! My Fair Lady!"

Ford walked down the hall and in passing the living room for the kitchen, he found his great-niece and nephew sitting at the card-table in the living room and playing a game of chess. Mabel swiftly moved another piece and Dipper did as well, playing quickly rather than slowly and taking their time. Ford wondered if they found it more entertaining when on a time crunch. After a few quick moves, Mabel managed to move a pawn to the last row and she snatched her queen back, replacing it with her black pawn.

"In your face, Dip-Dip!" Mabel bragged.

"Okay, okay," Dipper sneered with a grin. "Let's see if your luck'll last!"

Ford shook his head with a smile as he ventured on for the caffeine he desperately needed. Just because the Unicorn Spell was active didn't mean his family was safe. Bill was still going to try to get into their world. Bill was still going to try to break the Rift. Bill was still going to haunt Ford's mind until he got what he wanted.

By the time the old scientist had passed the living room, this time with a hot mug in his six-fingered hands, Dipper knocked over Mabel's black king.

"OH! Dipper Pines remains the champion!" The boy cheered while Mabel blew a raspberry. Dipper's eye caught Ford watching and said, "Hey, Great-Uncle Ford. Wanna play a quick game of chess?"

Ford held up a hand and smiled gently. "No, thank you, Dipper. I have much research to do."

"Come on, Grunkle Ford!" Mabel insisted with a toothy grin. "It'll be fun! You and I can work together to take down Brainiac over here." She added, jabbing a thumb over at her twin as he reset the game. "You can even be white!"

Ford found it difficult not to smile. Perhaps a quick game would do him some good, give him a break from his work while exercising his mind as he rested and sipped his coffee. Besides, how can anyone deny that sweet smile?

Ford shrugged and walked into the room. "Very well, I suppose one game wouldn't hurt."

Mabel cheered and moved chairs so Grunkle Ford could sit across from his opponent. Dipper seemed shocked to find the Author of the Journals sitting to play with him, something he had been hesitant to do ever since the Probabilitor the Annoying incident, but he was no less delighted. Mabel soon ran off and told Ford to go ahead without her. He moved the first pawn up two spaces and Dipper took his turn.

Ford was pleased to find that his knowledge of chess was just as extensive as his knowledge of Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons. After a few moves, Mabel came back into the living room with a bowl of fresh popcorn. Dipper thanked her and popped some into his mouth as he played. Ford also snacked on the provided food and whispered with his niece of how he should move, allowing her to make most of the choices, even if it meant he would lose.

Once again, Ford was reminded how one must take joy in the simple pleasures of life.

It wasn't like his last dream, where it felt so real. This one was foggy, an illusion created by his own conscious and not by some unholy demon. Still, that didn't make the dream any less frightening.

Ford held his head with his left hand, his fingers combing his charcoal-gray hair. He bit his lip tightly, any tighter and his lip would bleed. It should be an easy choice, it should be straightforward, but sentiment over the people it would affect and fear over the consequences of his choices made him freeze.

Bill sat across from him, not friendly and good-naturally as he once pretended, but menacingly, his eye watching the human boringly and his hands held in front of his triangular body, his skinny black elbows on the arms of his chair. "Choose your moves wisely, Sixer." He said in a stoic tone that only mocked the human.

Ford swallowed to try to rid his stomach of the melancholy ache only guilt could bring, but the pain refused to go away. His hand, his six-fingered, birth-defected hand, hovered over Dipper, sentencing him to be the next pawn in Bill's game.

Ford woke up. He didn't jump up this time, but stayed down on the couch in his room. He blinked several time to clear his musty eyes before slowly sitting up. It was a little before sunrise judging by the light leaking into his room through the stained glass window.

Ford slipped on his glasses and gave a heavy sigh. That ache in his gut was still there.

Grunkle Ford breathed in the fresh pine-scented air, a nice change from the harsh salty winds. He loved the sea, and he loved traveling with his brother, but he also loved this old shack. He and Stan both agreed that while they looked forward to resume their adventure at the end of the summer, it was good to be back.

He sipped his Camomile tea gingerly as he watched the sun set on this warm, golden afternoon. The sunlight trickled through the trees and onto the house as Ford sat on the old couch. A soft breeze ruffled his fluffy hair and kept him cool as he baked under the star his planet circled. He was getting a little drowsy, but a soft voice brought him back to Earth.

"Grunkle Ford?"

The old scientist turned his head to the door and found his thirteen-year-old niece with a board under her arm and a box in her other hand.

"Wanna play chess?" Mabel asked sweetly.

Grunkle Ford smiled. "Of course, my dear."

Mabel hurried and sat on the left-side of the couch, setting the board in the middle of the old couch and arranging the pieces. Ford took another sip from his tea and sat it by his feet before turning to face the game and play.

When Mabel was finished setting up the game, she gestured to the board and said, "You can be white."

Ford smiled in thanks and moved his pawn.

[apathetic-revenant]

now you see it all (part 2)

(part 1)

The trip back into town was quiet and slow. Slower than it necessarily needed to be, actually; Wendy knew from experience that the rickety old van could go pretty fast under the right circumstances, but she suspected that Soos was taking the bumpy road out from the Shack especially slow to avoid jostling anyone's sore spots. She could appreciate that; she felt like one big walking ache, and she hadn't even been particularly injured, as far as things went.

Dusk was falling quickly now, and the trees lining the road cast heavy shadows all around them. Wendy tried not to shudder. She had never, ever been bothered by things like that before-she was a Corduroy, for crying out loud, the woods were in her blood-but just now, everything felt a little bit like a threat. After all, it hadn't been that long since being murdered by trees was, in fact, just one of many wonderful possibilities in her future.

“What was that you called me earlier?” Ford suddenly said, softly but not so much so that she didn't jump.

“Oh,” Wendy hedged, well aware that the twins were listening. “Uh. Nothing important. Just a guy from a movie.”

Ford raised his eyebrows. “I take it I bear some resemblance?” Wendy sighed. She really had not meant to say that. She did not want to tell the entire Pines family that she'd maybe sort of casually nicknamed one of them after a movie villain, just to herself, because she had thought he was kind of a jerk. Especially not right now. But Ford was looking at her expectantly and the kids were waiting and she could tell that even Stan and Soos were listening in and well, she'd gotten her own self into this so she'd have to get herself out.

“It's the fingers,” she said. “He had six fingers on one hand.”

“Oh,” Ford said. In the gloom of the trees she couldn't see his expression.

She took a deep breath. “And I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have said that, because he was the villain and it...it was a dumb thing to say. But he had six fingers and someone spent a long time looking for him and he was kind of a scientist and he had a secret underground lab with a hidden entrance and I-”

“Wendy!” Mabel yelled from the back seat. “Did you-”

“Yes, I called your uncle the villain from The Princess Bride,” Wendy said. “I'm sorry. It's been a really long day.”

There was a long, tense pause, and then Ford burst out laughing.

The twins started laughing too, and then Soos with his big belly laugh, and at that point Wendy had no choice but to join in. It was a kind of manic, hysterical, release-valve, my-god-we're-alive laughter, and it shook the whole car, and it felt a bit crazy but also pretty good.

“You-you're not mad?” Wendy asked when she finally started to catch her breath.

“I've been called much worse things than that,” Ford said, wiping his eyes and sending his glasses askew. “But you'll have to show me this film sometime.”

There was a gasp of horror from Mabel. “You haven't seen it?!”

“It came out in 1987, dood,” Soos said. “Missed it by five years.” He blinked back at them in the ensuing silence. “What? I know things.”

“That's it,” Mabel said, sounding determined in the way only Mabel making plans could. “We're definitely watching it before we go back.”

“It's been a long time since I watched a movie,” Ford said wistfully. “Actually, I can't quite recall...”

Mabel was loudly lamenting this tragedy and Dipper was throwing out rapid-fire suggestions for various sci-fi films he thought Ford might like when Stan said, out of nowhere, “Sixer.”

Ford's head jerked up. “What?”

“That's...that's you, isn't it?” Stan was back to sounding hesitant and unsure. “I've had that name in my head but I wasn't sure...but it's you, isn't it? Six fingers...”

There was silence. The twins and Wendy stared at Ford, but he said nothing.

“Er...is that not right?” Stan asked eventually.

Ford drew in a long, shaking, sniffling breath, and it was only then that Wendy realized he'd been crying. “No, that's...that's right,” he said, wiping at his eyes again. “That's exactly right. Sixer. That's what you used to call me.”

“I knew it!” Stan said, grinning hugely. Then he faltered a little. “Used to...? I don't anymore?”

“Um...well, you...it's just been a while, that's all,” Ford said thickly. “It's...it's not important.”

“So why are ya cryin'?”

“I'm not-” Ford began to protest, despite all evidence to the contrary. “I'm just...I'm just glad you remember.”

“Hmm.” Stan looked down at his own hands, like they were jogging some memory. “Both hands, right?”

“That's right.”

“An' your feet, too.”

“Er...yes.”

“Wait, what?” Mabel leaned forward, sticking her face as close to Ford's as she could get within the bounds of her seatbelt. “You have extra toes, too? You never told us that!”

Ford shifted uncomfortably. “It's...not really that interesting?”

“Yes it is! That means you have...” Mabel gasped. “Twenty-four digits! Imagine the possibilities!”

“...None...come to mind?”

“That's because you're not thinking artistically! Listen-”

Mabel was still going on about her 'artistic possibilities', most of which involved nail polish or bedazzling, when they finally made it into town, while Ford made various horrified noises and everyone else laughed themselves sick.

“I am never revealing anything about myself ever again,” Ford grumbled.

“Nah, it's cool,” Wendy told him, taking some pity on him. “You can be in the club with me and Dipper.”

“The what-” Ford began, but before Wendy could answer him they pulled into the town square and were met with an eruption of noise.

The whole town, or very nearly, was packed into the square, standing in tight huddles or sitting on blankets or the hoods of cars or, in one case, on the statue of Nathaniel Northwest. Light spilled out all around from the buildings lining the square, which had their doors flung open. People had dragged out furniture, camping lanterns, coolers full of drinks and food; someone was cooking something on a grill, while off to one side people were being treated in the back of a parked ambulance turned impromptu clinic. The whole setup looked like a bizarre cross between a block party and a refugee camp.

The van attracted immediate attention. Within a few moments almost the entire crowd was surging forward, all shouting over each other. Soos and the kids scrambled to get out, but Stan seemed confused and a bit overwhelmed, and Ford was holding himself rigid with a very odd look on his face.

Wendy followed the kids, figuring she'd let the old guys make it out in their own time. Mabel was being embraced, or possibly crushed to death, by Grenda and Candy-mostly Grenda- while Dipper seemed to be getting some kind of celebratory piggyback ride from Lee. Everyone was pushing forward, chattering, asking a storm of questions: where were they? What happened? Is everyone alright? How did they do it?

Things only quieted down when Stan and Ford got out of the van.

All eyes were on them-something Stan should have been eating up, Wendy thought sadly, but right now he just seemed uncertain and intimidated by the attention. Ford had one protective hand on his brother's shoulder, his face tight and his eyes flicking back and forth rapidly as if looking for possible escape routes.

There was silence. The crowd waited, but Stan clearly had no idea what to say and Ford looked like he was on the verge of panic.

Then the kids shouldered their way over and stood beside their grunkles. Dipper took Ford's free hand in his own, awkward and a little shy but determined, looking up at him with a smile that said I believe in you, while Mabel simply glomped onto Stan's entire arm and beamed like the sun.

Stan beamed back, not knowing what was going on but still loving his great-niece and nephew as much as ever, while Ford shifted his shoulders, took a deep breath, and finally spoke.

“Bill Cipher is dead.”

A murmur went around the crowd. Wendy felt-something. Like something inside her that had been stretched tight had finally eased up. She hadn't realized how much she had really needed to hear those words, that finality.

From somewhere in the back of the crowd a voice with an unmistakable Southern twang rose above the rest. “Weeeellll, good goddamn riddance to bad geometry, I say! How'd ya do it, Stanford?”

Among the admonishments of there are children here, McGucket! and the giggling of said children, Ford shook his head and said, “It wasn't me. It-this is the man you have to thank.” He squeezed his hand on Stan's shoulder. “This is your hero. He saved us all.”

The murmuring this time was more confused.

“You're tellin' us Stanford Pines averted the apocalypse?” Wendy couldn't find Gideon in the crowd, but his petulant voice was unmistakable.

Ford frowned. “What? No. I just said-Stanley did.”

A sea of confused faces looked back at him. Dipper muttered something and Ford groaned in realization. “Oh, right. That whole thing.”

“Dunno what you're going on about, but that is Stanford Pines,” someone said.

“Who are you, anyway?” someone else added.

“It's a long story-” Ford began, but the crowd had already started up again; people who had been present on the ill-fated mission to rescue Ford were trying to explain it to everyone else, most of whom were shouting out their own theories or questions instead of listening.

It only ended when Mabel put two fingers in her mouth and let out an absolutely ear-piercing whistle that cut through the noise like a knife. Wendy was impressed.

“It's very simple,” Mabel explained to the rather stunned crowd. “This is my Grunkle Stan...” She tapped one hand against Stan's arm; he looked bemused but ruffled her hair affectionately.

“...And this is my Grunkle Ford.” She let go of Stan and did a dramatic gesture towards Ford like she was introducing him at a concert. “They're twins like me and Dipper! But Grunkle Ford fell through a portal a long time ago so Grunkle Stan had to pretend to be him until he could get him back. But now they're both here, so Grunkle Stan can go back to being Stanley! Right?” she added, glancing back at Ford.

“Er...more or less,” he said.

Mabel took a bow and stepped back to Stan's side. “Grunkle Ford, you have the floor.”

“...Thank you, Mabel.” Ford coughed awkwardly. “The important thing now is that it's Stan we have to thank for saving us.”

This was met with some good-natured skepticism. “What, did he con Bill into giving up?” someone called out.

“Yes,” Ford said.

In the surprised silence that followed, Ford gently let go of Dipper's hand and took something out of his coat pocket.

It didn't prompt a very dramatic reaction. Of course not: nearly everyone in town had seen that device at some point, but they'd all forgotten it soon after. All but a few people, like the Pines and Soos and McGucket and Wendy, who was suddenly remembering looking down the bulb of the gun, waiting for the flash of light, waiting for a part of her self to be erased, being saved at the last minute-and Stan had lost his memories, and the way Ford had said no, and oh, oh no...

“Bill was a...a powerful entity from another world,” Ford said, the words coming with the hesitation of someone trying to explain something very complex in simple terms. “Once he gained physical form in our world, he was all but unstoppable...but he wasn't omnipotent. He had some limitations. He couldn't spread his influence very far outside Gravity Falls at first...I...I had the information he needed to do that...”

He paused, swallowed hard, and kept going. “This gun...it can erase memories. It can erase a person's mind. Bill always had the ability to enter minds...it was the one place where he was vulnerable. So we tricked him...made him think Stan was me, and would give him the information he wanted...he entered Stan's mind, and I...I erased him.

Unfortunately that meant erasing Stan as well.”

A horrified hush fell.

Wendy realized she was crying, and didn't even care. She wasn't alone. Tears were streaming down Soos's face, and the kids looked like they were about to start too.

“You mean he's gone? Stan's just...gone?”

Wendy wasn't sure who said it.

“He's not gone!” Mabel yelled. “He's gonna come back!”

“Stan's regained a few memories already,” Ford said. “In time, he...he should recover.”

Abruptly he threw an arm around his brother's shoulder and pulled him close. Stan still seemed confused and upset by the attention, but he hugged his brother back.

“Is there anything we can do?” Mayor Tyler piped up at last.

There was an agreeable murmur from the rest of the crowd. Ford looked taken aback. “Er...well, yes. Anything that would help jog his memory, visual reminders, anecdotes...”

“WELL WHAT ARE WE STANDIN' AROUND HERE FOR?!” Wendy's dad bellowed, and before anyone quite knew what was happening the crowd was sweeping a bewildered Stan into the center of the square, chattering excitedly. Soos ran after them, yelling things like “Make way for Mr. Pines!” and “Town hero coming through!”

“Half of them are probably going to try to remind him that he owes them money,” Dipper said dryly as he, Mabel and Wendy followed after the crowd.

“Heh, yeah. Probably best to keep an eye on things,” Wendy agreed. It was weird; she seemed to still be crying, but she was also grinning her face off. Well, her bar for weird had been set pretty dang high lately, so she figured she could deal with this.

She became aware that something was missing right about the same time that Mabel called out, “Grunkle Ford, aren't you coming?”

They all turned. Ford was still standing by the van, holding the memory gun. Wendy couldn't quite figure out the expression on his face. There might have been grief there, and also maybe pride...but mostly he looked lost, like he had no idea what was going on or what he should be doing.

“Hey,” she said. “You made a promise.”

The twins gave her confused looks. For a moment Ford just kept staring with that lost expression, long enough that she wasn't sure he'd even heard her; but then, finally, he put the memory gun away and straightened up a little.

“Technically,” he said, “I believe all I said was...”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Get your butt over there.” She jerked her head towards the ambulance-clinic.

“Grunkle Ford...?” Mabel looked back and forth between Wendy and Ford. “What did you promise...?”

Wendy sighed. She really hadn't wanted to bring this up in front of the kids, but it was clear Ford wasn't going to go anywhere without a fair amount of prompting.

“He said he'd go see a doctor when we got into town,” she told the twins, and winced when Dipper's face creased in anxiety and Mabel gasped in horror.

“Grunkle Ford, are you hurt?” she cried, running back towards him and grabbing his legs in a hug. Ford glared at Wendy. Wendy shrugged.

“I'm alright. I'm just...just a little bruised.” He ruffled Mabel's hair awkwardly.

Mabel looked up at him with an expression of such fierceness that Ford seemed startled. “Well, what are you waiting for, then? If you're hurt you should go see the doctor!”

She grabbed his hand and started trying to tug him across the square. “What's wrong? Are you scared? I'll go with you!”

“No!” Ford yelped, and then instantly bit his lip in chagrin. “No, I...I don't think that would be a good idea...”

“Havin' problems?”

Wendy startled so hard her boots almost left the ground. Old Man McGucket had appeared next to her and Dipper. How, exactly, he'd gotten there, she had no idea. For a crazy old hillbilly/mad scientist he could unnervingly stealthy.

“Grunkle Ford won't go to the doctor,” Dipper explained, adjusting his hat, which had gone askew from him having jumped even more than Wendy.

“Ahhh,” McGucket said sagely. “Ah'm familiar with this syndrome.”

“You...wait, what?”

“Ahyup! Used ta see this all th' time back in th' ol' university days. Ah had to drag Stanford to th' nurse at least once ah semester. He never would take care a' himself properly.”

Wendy was having trouble processing all this. “You...wait...you guys were in college together?”

“Aye, those were th' days.” McGucket hobbled over to Ford and put a surprisingly gentle hand on his shoulder. “C'mon, buddy. Ah'll go if you will.”

“I suppose I'm not getting out of this,” Ford muttered, looking around at the expectant faces. Wendy crossed her arms and smirked.

“Alright, alright.” Ford finally let McGucket pull him in the direction of the ambulance. As they passed, Wendy could have sworn she heard Ford muttering something about a tattoo, to which McGucket replied, “Don' worry, Ah'm good at forgettin' things.”

Mabel sniffed loudly. Wendy and Dipper turned to her in surprise.

“Mabel, it's...it's okay,” Wendy said. “I think they're both gonna be just fine.”

“I know!” Mabel bawled. “Look at them! They're getting along! They're two stupid old dorks who hated each other and now they're friends again! It's...it's so...heartwarming!”

Dipper rolled his eyes and groaned. “C'mon,” he said, putting an arm around his sister. “Let's go get some food.”

“And make sure Stan isn't getting conned,” Wendy added as they walked across the square.

“Yeah, that too.”

[videogamelover99]

The Pine Tree

A/N: Heyyy guys long time no see? Yes, writing this latest chapter was like wresting a rattlesnake while balancing a few ceramic plates on top of my head, but here it is! Plus I already started working on the new one, so hopefully it’ll be out relatively soon. In the meantime, enjoy this small detour before the plot rears its ugly head again. 

Au by @doodledrawsthings, based on Flat Dreams by @pengychan.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

“Hey, who’s the new guy? He’s kinda cute.”

Dipper tore his eyes away from the book he was reading to stare at Wendy in mute horror. She was glancing from the corner of her eye at Bill, who had taken the opportunity to rearrange all the snow globes on the shelves as a petty way to spite Grunkle Stan. Why they even let Bill into the gift shop was anyone’s guess. So far, all he managed to do was to scare away customers and give everyone a headache. No one recognized him so far, which was a good thing, but most of these people were just passing through the town anyway, and had no idea about the disaster that took place last summer.

Wendy had just come back from a hiking vacation with her family, and since nobody expected her to be back so soon, they had no idea what to do with Bill. Dipper assumed they would have to tell her eventually, seeing how she was a regular employee, and was definitely smart enough to connect the dots by herself at some point. Better to warn her ahead of time than to wait until she dragged in an exorcist or something. Not that Dipper though it would work. At all.

But Hearing his past crush call the devil in disguise “cute” was something vaguely traumatic. And it showed, because Wendy suddenly looked concerned. “Hey Dipper, are you okay? You look like you’ve just seen Stan in his underwear again.”

“I-uh.” the boy cast a look at Bill, who was now stacking the Mr.Mystery bobbleheads into a pyramid, humming something under his breath. He would have to tell Wendy. Better do that sooner than wait for her to find out on her own. “Wendy, I gotta tell you something-”

��HEY RED! PUMA SHIRT OR PANTHER SHIRT?” Dipper froze.

Wendy turned to look at the demon, who was now wrestling two hangers in his hands, and squinted a bit. “Dude, just buy both. That’s what the mayor did.” The teenager turned back to look at Dipper, then did a double take. Her eyes traveled from Bill to the bobblehead pyramid he constructed, then back to Bill.

Dipper grew more worried, hoping to stop, or at least control the train of thought the girl was aboard. “Uh, Wendy? I gotta-”

“Sorry Dipper, you can tell me your thing in a sec.” she looked as pale as a sheet, and before Dipper could stop her she leaped over the checkout booth, a murderous glint in her eye. Oh boy.

There was a scream, followed by lots of yelling, cursing, and flying merchandise. Dipper winced, hiding behind the cash register just in case.

…

“So you don’t know why he’s like this?”

“Dipper, if a month ago you would have told me Bill Cipher would be living under our roof, I would have had an aneurysm.” His great uncle pushed up his glasses, a habit that Dipper had learned was a pondering one. Then he frowned, his his gaze distant. “Did, did she tell you anything? Any information about this situation we have?” Dipper sat up straighter.

“Uh, no?” he answered, shrugging uncomfortably. “I mean, she told me a lot about how her stuff works. And to be honest, it kinda looked like she wanted to...get rid of us? Not in a bad sense!” he corrected himself at the scientist’s questioning expression. “Just, I kinda think she wanted to...talk to Bill? So she sent us off? I mean, from what I could tell it looked like the two had history. And knowing Bill, it probably wasn’t good. So, uh, yeah?” The teen fidgeted in his seat, staring at his unfinished cup of tea in silence.

“I see. And the scissors?” Grunkle Ford looked deep in thought, chewing on one sparkly pens Mabel had gotten him for Christmas.

“Mabel has them. You gotta ask her.”

“No no, that’s quite alright. She can keep them for now.” Stanford stood up, the unfinished tea, which had probably cooled by now, still in front of him. “Well, if there’s anything concerning you, feel free to share it with me. For now, I feel like it’s about time I graded some papers.”

Dipper hopped off his chair, straightening his hunting hat. “Same goes for you, Grunkle Ford.”

“Of course, of course.” The man gave him a forced smile, and Dipper had a feeling Grunkle Ford was just waiting for him to go. Far from being offended, the boy kinda understood. Sometimes a guy just needed to think, and other people tended to distract from that. Dipper turned to leave with a parting wave, and had just reached the elevator doors when he heard a familiar, yet very unwelcome voice echo through the wide expanse of the room.

“Wow, this place is a mess.”

How had Bill even gotten down here without running into Dipper? Was he like, lurking in the shadows? Because that was seriously creepy.

“What do you want now, Cipher?” Grunkle Ford sounded tired. Dipper probably shouldn’t be hiding around the corner, spying on...whatever was happening. But curiosity was a temptation Dipper could never resist, so he stayed anyway.

“Like I need a reason to visit an old friend.”

“Have you forgotten the part where you betrayed me and tortured me?”

“Huh, kinda. But considering that you literally set me on fire,” there was a loud creak as Bill sat down in the chair Dipper had been occupying not even a minute before. “you could say we’re kinda even.”

There was a long lasting silence as Stanford glared at the man across from him. “Have you come here just to bother me? Or is there something you want?”

“Hey, what’s with the cold shoulder, Fordsy? You’re actin’ like I just threatened your friends and family right in front of ya.”

“Cipher.” there was a dangerous tone in Ford’s voice, something that even made Dipper have chills down his spine. In a flash, Bill’s whole demeanor changed, the causal, teasing mood replaced by something much more serious.

“Fine. Where are the scissors? I need them.” So Bill wasn’t lurking around during their conversation. That was good, at least.

“What for?” the dangerous tone was still there. “And if you think we’d just let you go prattling into another dimension, you’re greatly mistaken.”

“Wow, haven’t slept in weeks, and you still manage to sound all heroic and stuff? Kudos to that.”

“What do you want them for?” Stanford tried again, this time sounding a bit more forceful.

“Noneya business. But I’m guessing you don’t have them.”

“If you’re thinking you can just-”

“Well, BEEN NICE TALKING TO YA. Even WITH THOSE AMATEUR PRYING EYES RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER.” Bill jumped off his seat, and Dipper scrambled for a hiding place. Seriously, how did Bill do that? The boy scrambled behind a tower of dirty cardboard boxes, hoping they were enough to cover him up. He watched Bill pass him buy, and the demon suddenly shot a wide grin in Dipper’s direction, his eyes boring into the teen’s. And then he was gone.

Dipper breathed deeply, trying to calm down his racing heart. It was fine, Bill was just messing with him. It’s not like the demon could actually hurt him. The guy got decked by Wendy a few days ago, if that didn’t say something. Nevertheless the boy shot out of his corner, rushing to get to the elevator before Grunkle Ford saw him, and planning to get far far away from the Shack for a while.

...

Dipper chewed on his fifth pen for the day in frustration, glaring at the makeshift web he had drawn in his journal. The boy adjusted himself so that the ridges of the birch tree he was sitting against weren’t digging into his back, and crossed out a few lines. No amount of thinking could calm down his bundled up nerves, beacause nothing about their current situation made sense. Okay, so Bill Cipher was back. Great. How? Just a few weeks ago he was a piece of rock in the middle of the woods. Now he was alive, not only that, but a human, stealing their soda and sabotaging the Mystery Shack on a daily basis. Hanging around...around...

The boy’s fist clenched the pencil a bit to hard, making the fragile wood crack under his palm. Mabel. It was pretty obvious that Bill was trying to manipulate her, to somehow get the more trusting twin on his side. Dipper had absolutely no idea what the demon had planned. But whatever it was, he would make sure Mabel wouldn’t be a part of it.

The boy turned the page of his journal, his eyes falling on his newest illustration. Seven eyes, drawn in black ink, stared right back. There was the other mystery that needed solving. Meeting Jheselbraum the Unswerving made Dipper understand even more why his great uncle was so fond of her. It was hard to pinpoint what exactly she did with just one journal entree at hand, but visiting the dimension below the mountain gave both of the twins, along with a bagpipe, a discovery of something much more interesting, interesting enough to even warrant a fall into the bottomless pit.

All the natives they had talked to turned out to not be natives at all, but refugees from other dimensions. Or, more importantly, the dimensions that Bill took over previously. And all of them had absolutely no idea where their oracle had come from, only that she was the one to take them in and care for them. The oldest one, a creature who looked like a cross between a lizard and a bird, claimed to have been there for several thousand years, and still could not give them any new info about who exactly his caretaker was, only that she had welcomed him and had been nothing but kind. As far as this old geezer can tell, he had said, she’s been there since the dawn of this place.

Well, that was all nice and good, except that Dipper still didn’t know who or what the being that saved his uncle’s life was, and how exactly she was connected to Bill. And there was definitely some kind of connection.

Dipper slammed the journal shut, getting up to stretch from the uncomfortable position he’d been in for the last hour. The twin made a glance toward the birch tree he had just been sitting against, shivering as he felt the eyes that littered the white cracked bark stare silently back at him. Of course, Bill couldn’t spy on them anymore, not when he was in this state, and yet the eye-shaped ridges still gave Dipper the creeps. The boy quickly turned away from the tree, heading deeper into the woods, away from any sign of the demon. He needed to think, and recently he found out that walking aimlessly through the shrubbery was a good way to do just that.

The younger Pines twin tripped over a couple of roots, jumped over a small stream, and chased away the hungry mosquitoes aimed for his face. Okay, so maybe nature was just as friendly as he’d remembered it, but at least there was no-

Dipper froze in his tracks, the blood freezing in his veins as he realized what clearing he’d stumbled upon.

There, across the small patch of grass, it stood there like some sort of twisted monument, just as overgrown as it’d been before. Dipper wanted to turn back, to run toward the shack as fast as possible, because no matter how ridiculous and creepy the Bill Cipher there was, this one was just plain terrifying. It didn’t matter if the statue was just a piece of rock now, something in Dipper’s instincts just screamed danger about it. Maybe it was Weirdmageddon taking a toll on him, or maybe it was some other, supernatural reason, but what the Pines twin needed to do right now was get as far away from that thing as possible, and the sooner, the better.

But there was the other, slightly more familiar part of him that wanted to come closer. Because as far as Dipper knew, that statue could explain everything. Why, and how, Bill survived, the Oracle, and maybe even why his uncle was acting so weird lately. Somehow, simply by shaking his hand, Mabel had managed to bring Bill Cipher back to life. But that made no sense, there had to be something else at work than a stupid handshake, something-

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

The unmanly, high-pitched squeak that tore out of Dipper’s throat was something he would later deny he ever let out. The nearby resting birds flew up into the air in a crying swarm as the boy jumped, spinning around to face the creature he’d not so long ago wracked his head over. “B-Bill, I, what?”

The demon grinned back at him, looking strangely cheery despite the deep, sleepless bags under his eyes. “Pine Tree, Pine Tree, Pine Tree. Finally, someone I could count on to be an obsessive nerd over just about, well, anything.” Bill strutted over to him, and the boy shivered under the piercing gaze, struggling to keep his heartbeat under control.

“B-Bill, uh, what are you doing here?”

“Coulda asked the same thing, but then again, can't really blame ya.” The demon moved away from him, and the lack of proximity helped Dipper calm down a bit, which he was pretty thankful for. Bill pat the statue fondly, before leaning on it with one arm, the ever-present grin still on his face. “So what got ya poking around my dead body?”

“Your-” Oh. Right. This was the body Bill had created for himself, wasn’t it? The one he left behind when he died. Gross.  

Bill scowled at Dipper’s silence, flicking his hat to the side. “Houston, we've got a problem, Pine Tree’s officially lost in the exosphere! What's with the blank look kid? Not gonna lie, kinda miss those times where it's a look of pure terror instead.” The demon leaned on the statue once again, his fingers tapping lightly against the stone. “So what's got those cockroaches in your head running around?”

“Why are you like this?” Dipper blurted.

Bill rolled his eyes. “Ha! If I had a negative twelve dollar bill every time somebody asked THAT I would have owed-”

“No! I mean why are you a person?” Was he a person? It was kinda hard to tell, considering that most of Bill consisted of nightmare fuel and dead baby jokes. And okay, asking outright wasn't really the best strategy, but what was the worst that could happen? Bill refusing to answer, spouting some nonsense?

Dipper missed the way Bill suddenly stiffened at the question, too busy running scenarios through his head. When the demon answered his voice was a lot less bombastic than before. “Why? Why are you?.”

Dipper blinked. “I- because I-”

“Exactly.” Wow okay.

Bill’s attention was now turned to the stone hat, which he tapped on absentmindedly. “Man, kinda miss the hat, not gonna lie.” The demon finally noticed Dipper’s stare. “What?” His hand left the statue as he folded his arms over his chest.

“You’re patting your own- you know what, nevermind. This isn’t the weirdest thing I’ve seen.”

Bill took a moment to look offended. Then he straightened up, no longer leaning on his statue, and strolled right past Dipper, not even bothering to glance back. “HAVE FUN WITH THAT, KID. And if you’re here too break it, good luck! I’ve tried already.”

The boy turned around to Bill’s retreating back, his train of thought once again disrupted. Why would Bill want to break his own statue?

“BY THE WAY!” The demon called out once again, his voice echoing from somewhere beyond the tree line, “16 °C to 18 °C, NO HIGHER THAN 24 °C, SEE YA!”

...What.

…

“Candy! What do you think?” Mabel held up a black and white flannel shirt.

“I think you should get yellow.” the girl answered, squinting at the apparel in thought. Somehow, through his sister’s amazing talent of conviction, Mabel had not only told her friends about the demon living in the Shack, but also convinced them that going clothes shopping for Bill Cipher was somehow a good idea. Dipper needed to know what mind controlling powers his twin possessed, because there was no other explanation to how come Candy and Grenda were not running away in terror from the creature that had destroyed their home town only a few months ago.

Speaking of which, where was Bill? The boy swallowed down the brief panic at the image of some poor store owner set on fire, and frantically searched for the subject of Mabel’s fashion spree.

He found Bill leaning over the counter, harassing the poor cashier girl manning the register. “So that’s why clothes made for human females have no pockets!”

The girl, who looked a few highlights away from being crowned queen of punk rock, stared at him open mouthed. “Holy shit. And here I thought it was for some horrible design choice or something. Joke’s on them, I’m sewing my own damn pockets.”

“Atta girl! Don’t let those corporate idiots control your consumerist needs! THROW THEIR OWN DISGUSTING MASTER PLAN BACK IN THEIR FACES.”

“Yeah!” the punk rock girl suddenly took out her purse, throwing it on the ground viciously. “Screw you, Coach, for making me buy your horribly overpriced purses!”

“Uh…” Dipper wondered what the probability of Bill somehow finding someone just as insane as him in a mall full of normal people was.

“Could have done without the dramatics, to be honest.” the boy jumped at the new, yet strangely familiar voice next to him. Dipper looked up to see a young, dark haired woman somewhere in her early twenties. She was staring at the scene before them with something between amusement and annoyance, and he couldn’t help but think he’s seen her somewhere before. The woman then looked at him, and the uncomfortable amount of perception in her gaze gave Dipper involuntary shivers. It was like she knew something he didn’t, something important, and was letting herself be slightly smug about it. The boy looked at the ground, searching his memory for where he’s seen her before, because the feeling of deja vu was not leaving him alone. Dipper turned back to ask-

The woman was gone.

That...okay that was seriously creepy. Even for him, and Dipper dealt with the supernatural on a daily basis.

“DIPPPERRRR! Where’s- oh. There he is.” The boy jumped as Mabel suddenly leapt at him from behind, yelling excitedly in his ear. Dipper rubbed his forehead as the girl rushed past him, capturing Bill’s arm and dragging him to one of the changing rooms, the demon expressing only slight protest at being manhandled. That was also weird, how easily Bill got along with Mabel now. Dipper decided to dismiss it as Mabel’s magnetic personality, and worry about other things instead. Like how to prevent all of them from wreaking the store.

...

“Soo, what do you think?” Mabel asked, watching Bill stare at himself in the mirror.

“Still a horribly limiting fleshsack.” the demon responded, fidgeting with the buttons of the bright yellow cardigan he was wearing. “This needs a bowtie.” he decided, and Mabel groaned behind him.

“No it doesn’t! Stop ruining my masterpieces with your awful fashion sense!” Bill had the nerve to look offended.

“It looks good.” Candy said thoughtfully from Mabel’s side, hand on her chin.

“TRIANGLE MAN IS FIXED NOW.” Genda whooped, patting his sister on the back.

“I was never-” Bill’s rant was cut off as the three girls shoved more clothing in his hands, pushing him toward the dressing room.

Dipper had to admit, he wasn’t feeling very sorry for tagging along after all. Watching Bill Cipher get manhandled by a bunch of teenage girls was hands down a highlight of the summer. A few customers gave them odd looks, and as Dipper spotted a few familiar faces, suddenly his mind was on something else completely. His paranoid, overly nervous brain took care to remind him of the one giant problem that was now arguing with his sister over ties.

While the Mystery Shack took the demon’s return relatively unscathed (scathed, but relatively un), the town would not be as okay about it. Or at all, to be honest. If any of the townsfolk found out Bill Cipher was not only back, but camping out in the Shack, it wouldn’t matter if Stan was the town hero or not. They would come running with torches and pitchforks, ready to get rid of that yellow menace for good.

And judging by how easily Mabel and her friends managed to subdue him, the demon wouldn’t even stand a chance.

Bill and Mabel were looking like they were about to tear apart the whole accessories section. Candy and Grenda weren’t much help, observing the argument at a safe distance, eating the stash of chocolate his sister had given them as a reunion gift. They weren’t the only spectators. Seems like security finally noticed the disturbance in their store. “Oh man,” He needed to get over there and prevent any further disaster from happening. And quick.

Dipper narrowly missed running into a coat rack, and ran as fast as he could to the source of the chaos: his sister, and the murderous entity they had somehow brought back from the dead.

“We’re not buying a bowtie for you, Bill!”

“You’re limiting my freedom of self expression. How’d ya like it if I burned all your sweaters, huh?”

“First off, leave my sweaters out of this! At least they’ve got a whole lot more pizzaz in them then you ever will!”

Bill’s eyes flashed dangerously, and Dipper would have been a heck of a lot more frightened by that if what he was angry about hadn’t been that ridiculous. “Shooting Star, do you have any idea who you’re talking to?”

“Someone with like no taste.”

There was a quiet -ooooh- from Grenda, and Dipper had a feeling that if he didn’t defuse the situation fast enough, the whole mall would probably go up in flames. “JUST LET HIM KEEP THE STUPID TIE AND LET’S GO.”

…

He collapsed onto the bench in exhaustion, watching as the group made their way to the food court, and rubbed his eyes, exhaustion creeping into his limbs. Dipper hadn’t even realized how little sleep he actually got, at least not until the caffeine he had consumed during breakfast had run out of his system. The sleepless nights were all Bill’s fault anyway. That stupid riddle, if it could be called that at all, would just not leave him alone. What turned out to be Dipper’s best effort to ignore something that seemed like just a jumble of nonsense had quickly turned into a burning curiosity because what if it somehow made sense. Probably not, because expecting Bill to give straight answers was like expecting a penguin to learn to fly. Yet there he was, trying to figure out a puzzle which probably had no answer in the first place.

“Mind if I join you?” Dipper jolted in his seat, earlier frustration momentarily forgotten. The woman he saw a few hours earlier, the one that mysteriously vanished, was now looming over him, something between amusement and awareness in her gaze. The boy spent a few more seconds picking his jaw up from the floor, swallowing thickly. “S-sure! I mean, I don’t mind? I mean-”

The woman laughed lightly, nothing mean spirited about it at all. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

She sat down, and Dipper shifted in his seat awkwardly, trying his best to avoid her gaze. “So, uh, what’s up?”

The lady smiled. She seemed to smile more with her eyes than her mouth, something the Pines twin found strikingly familiar. “Nothing much,” she glanced to the side, “Just came to visit an old friend, that’s all.” Her eyes were focused on something that completely escaped his vision, and Dipper was getting that itch, the tingly feeling in the back of his head that told him that he was dealing with something supernatural. The woman looked convincingly human, but the more he observed, the more he started to realize that something about her appearance was off. It was like watching someone put on a fancy suit, yet completely ignore all manners. Like the time Mabel tried to dress up as a mermaid for halloween, but the elastic fishtail she had shoved over her legs did nothing to disguise the fact that those were still legs under it.

It was like the stranger next to him was dressing up as a human, but didn’t necessarily know how to act like one.

“Friend huh?” The boy’s voice came out a bit too high. “Not from around here then?” Please tell me she’s an alien and I’m not just crazy.

“You’re not just crazy, Dipper.”

“Oh thanks I- what?” The boy scrambled back onto the edge of the bench, pressing himself against the potted plant next to it, the wide, bright green leaves blocking the edge of his vision. “How did you, are you a-?!”

“-Mind reader? No.” Then she winked, and Dipper had definitely seen that gesture before, not done with two eyes, but…seven.

“Jheselbraum?”

The woman winced slightly. “That’s actually not how you- nevermind.”

“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, you, why are you- how are you-?”

“Why I am here is because your uncle requested I come. I believe he requires my help on something urgent, and I’m more than happy to comply.” She smiled, her gaze so calm that Dipper found himself relaxing a bit more. “As for my appearance, I doubt humanity would be thrilled in seeing an alien species walking down the street. Especially after what happened in this town last year.” Her tone darkened slightly. “So I asked for a small favor.”

“A favor.” he echoed, “So you’re not a shapeshifter?”

“Oh, of course not.” the woman sounded a bit indignant. “I’m an oracle.”

“Yeah, okay.” Dipper frowned, looking away. The thrill of meeting the extra dimensional being again was slowly fading, and the boy found the situation getting more awkward than anything else. “Wait, why would Grunkle Ford-?”

“Well, well, look who the frilly salamander dragged in.”

Bill’s voice cut through the crowd, as unpleasant and unwelcome as it usually was. Dipper watched as Jheselbraum’s expression instantly turned stone cold.

The two beings just stared each other for several seconds. The Oracle’s air was still unreadable, but harsh. Bill, for his part, still had that sarcastic smile pasted on his face. Dipper felt the tension in their little corner flare up, something unspoken once again rearing its ugly neck between these two. The twin was ready to excuse himself, and run as fast as he could toward his sister, where at least he wouldn’t feel like he was sitting on a ticking time bomb.

“So what happened, Seven-Eyes? I thought you were pretty clear on the whole ‘never wanna see your face again’ thing.”

“I never said that. Or anything like that, really.”

Bill looked away. “Nice makeover, by the way. What, did the giant pink know-it-all decide to curse you too?”

“I forgot how unpleasant your voice is.”

Bill stiffened, looking ready to fire back another retort. Just then, thankfully, Dipper’s sister chose to demonstrate her impeccable timing. “Hey guys! Why the heck are you all over- oh.” Mabel froze, standing dead still between Dipper and the two interdimensional beings that were busy having one of the most intense staring contests both twins had ever seen. Nora was the first to break it, turning to the newcomer with a sudden pleasant smile on her face. “Mabel, it’s nice to see you again.”

Dipper could visibly see the gears in the girl’s head turning. “Wait, hold on…” His sister squinted at the Oracle suspiciously, before something clicked, and her face split into a giant excited grin. “It’s about time you showed up! Grunkle Ford’s been getting reeeally paranoid, you know. ‘Cause of this jerk over here.” She pointed her thumb at Bill, who by some miracle remained silent throughout the exchange.

Jheselbraum raised an eyebrow. “You’ve been expecting me?”

“You promised to visit.”

“Oh, of course.”

“Wait,” Bill interjected loudly, “Why the heck are you-”

Nora cut him off. “I believe your friends are waiting for you two.”

Mabel and Dipper whirled around, spotting Candy and Grenda, who slowly made their way towards them, pushing aside shoppers and stepping on heeled toes. The two girls came to a stop in front of Mabel, both breathing heavily.

“Where did you go?” Candy asked, straightening her glasses. “We were looking all over for you and-”

“Oh my gosh guys you have to meet someone. This is-” Mabel turned around, gesturing at- empty space. Dipper blinked.

The Oracle was gone again.

“Alright, have to give credit for that disappearing act.” Bill muttered under his breath.

[gravity-falls-musical-official]

Complete Lyrics

Oh boy. All the lyrics to every song that has been written. Here we go.

Tag list: @somer-joure @kerbabbles @atomicspaghetti (AtomicSpaghetti, your young Ford and Stan contribution was recycled and incorporated into the Tale of Two Stans song)

SURVIVE THE SUMMER

D: Ah, summer break. A time for leisure, relaxation, and takin’ her easy with family. Unless you’re me. My name is Dipper Pines-

M: Oh my GOSH! Look at all the grass! I didn’t know Gravity Falls had this much grass- OH MY GOSH A GOAT!

D: That was my twin sister, Mabel, and we’re about to have the worst summer ever.

D: A few days ago, Our parents shipped us up here, Now we’re stuck in some lumberjack town Called Gravity Falls.

M: Look at all of the trees, And all the boys-

D: Mabel.

M: What?

D: Right now I can’t think! How will we survive the summer?

GS: Hey! What’re you two doing? I don’t pay you to stand around all day.

M: You don’t pay us at all.

GS: Touche.

D: That’s our Grunkle Stan. He makes us work in his cheesy tourist attraction called “The Mystery Shack.”

GS: No refunds!

D: Now some would say that this is horrific, but it’s not so bad.

W: Hey dudes. How’s it going?

D: Wendy, Wendy Corduroy, Red haired, Friendly Corduroy, I love Wendy Corduroy, It’s true! But it’d be best if she never knew.

D: She has a boyfriend, after all. Robbie: as edgy and terrible as his music.

M: But on the bright side, I got a pig! Waddles! I named him that because he waddles.

GS: Hey, you. Go put up these signs in the spooky part of the forest.

D: What? But Grunkle Stan, I-

GS: What, are you “scared”? Ha!

D: Fine [Pause] Stupid Grunkle Stan, making me put up signs in the- what’s this? A journal? Suddenly our lives were upside down!

M: Gnomes!

D: Zombies!

M: Mermen!

D: Mysteries abound! This Journal 3 I’ve found, Is the answer I’ve been looking for.

D+M: Now we finally know, We can survive the summer! We will dare, Go anywhere, Uncover any more monsters.

D: The journal says “trust no one,”

M: But we can still have some fun!

D+M: This town is not what it seems.

D: Write down all that I’ve seen!

D+M: A summer full of mystery, Right here in Gravity Falls!

JUST A WIDDLE LOVE SONG

Gideon: This is just a widdle love song, It’s the kind of thing I do, This is just a widdle love song, love song, And I made it just for you. So Mabe-y baby stay and listen, Cause this song is overdue, This is just a widdle love song, love song, And I just gotta say that Mabel, I love you! Every morning, when I wake up, I think of you, and the whole world seems to light up! And when the night comes, if I’m feeling sad again, I think of you, and wonder what you’ve been doin’!

This is just a widdle love song, It’s the kind of thing I do, This is just a widdle love song, love song, And I made it just for you. So Mabe-y baby stay and listen, Cause this song is overdue, This is just a widdle love song, love song, And I just gotta say that Mabel, I love you!

NOBODY WANTS TO KNOW THE TRUTH

Stan: Nobody wants to know the truth. Nobody wants to know what’s real, what’s wrong, what’s fake— They wanna be fooled. Nobody really wants to see The seams and the snares, Hey, kid, they just don’t care. Ya distract ‘em and they’ll give ya green. Nobody wants to look too close. Nobody wants to read the fine print, give 'em the bold and they’re already sold. And nobody’s really all that brave, What’s true is too much for these rubes but a touch Of a sham and they’ll rant, hey they’ll rave. It’s easy as pie. It’s easy as just Two lies for a laugh, And then prevaricate to give 'em a fright. Then tapdance 'round the background—they’ll doubt if your story’s too tight. Ya just suggest. They’ll make up the rest themselves. Just wait and see. You’ll confuse 'em You’ll always ruse 'em Because… Nobody wants to be the dupe. Nobody wants to know the truth Is what they avoid or admit they’ve been fooled. Everybody’s happy to pretend Just to keep living. Pretend’s what I’m giving, Oh, watch me work Watch me give it right down to the end. Hey ma'am? Customer 1: Yeah, sir? Stan: I can carry that wallet. Looks heavy. Hey, sir? Sir, Look here, Yeah, I’d call this a deal Customer 2: It’s a steal! Stan: There’s appeal in befuddlements Packaged and pricetagged so low, Had ya any sense— Customer 2: Sold! Stan: So, kid, you ask my why I do the things that I do. Did you hear the clink of the cash in the drawer? Do I gotta rehash just what it’s all for? (Pause) Nobody wants to know the truth. Nobody wants to know 'bout petty crime or misspent youth, Or who was wrong, And who was right, Or why old men don’t sleep at night. Nobody needs to know.

THE AUTHOR

Dipper: He’ll be amazing, He’ll be fantastic, Like a hero from a movie-

Mabel: It sounds like he’s made of plastic! D: He’ll be brilliant, He’ll be clever, He’ll be everything I’ve ever dreamed or ever hoped to be. D:  I bet he’s been to lands untold! M: I bet he’s a million years old! I bet his voice cracks when he’s stressed! D: I bet his every breath puffs up his chest! M: I bet he knows every secret. D: If there’s one he doesn’t know, he’ll seek it. I bet he has a sweeping cape- M: Wait, Dipper, what if we made a mistake? What if he’s dead? D: What? M: What if he’s- D: No, that can’t be- M: The entry here dates ‘73. D: Mabel, that’s short for 1973, not 73 AD. But even if he is old, He’s still amazing, M: He’s still fantastic, D+M: Like a hero from a movie, Definitely cliche-classic. He’ll be brilliant, He’ll be clever.

D: We’ll find him soon together. M: You and me, there’s nothing better! D+M: You and me, and me and you, We’ll find him, the Author!

LET’S MAKE A DEAL

Bill: Ah, Gravity Falls! In color, even! Fancy. Man, it’s good to be back! You have no idea how long I was stuck in the nightmare dimension, kid.

Gideon: Listen Cipher!

Bill: Oh goodness, was I babbling?

Gideon: I have a job for you!

Bill: Ahh... Let’s...make...a...deal!

Gideon: A deal?

B: It’s getting real!

Gideon: What on earth?

B: See when you say those words, I focus on you little nerds! Let’s make a deal!

Gideon: You said that.

B: Bear through my spiel, And you could be anything you want Just agree to my terms and I won’t taunt Let’s make a deal! Let’s make a deal! Let’s make a...deal!

Bill: So, wha’d’ya want, Gids? Infinite power? Money? Deer teeth?

Gideon: No! I want you to break into the mind of Stanford Pines and steal the code to his safe.

Bill: Well. Mindscape invasion, Though it’s fun, it’s evasion, Of the law if I do it for you. It’s a tricky business and I’ve got a lot of plans, So hush up kid and listen, cause I have got my own demands... A little something in the works, Not disastrous, not mean, I’ve just been trapped in a decaying dimension while plotting my schemes. Now I’m not the type of Dorito that likes to lie to guys like you, You seem smart so I won’t waste time on you. If you help me out, then I’ll steal the code. Do we have a deal?

Gideon: Agreed.

B: We...have...a...deal!

Gideon: A deal!

B: It just got real!

Gideon: Oh yes!

B: See when you say those words, I focus on you little nerds! Let’s make a deal!

Gideon: You said that.

B: Bear through my spiel, Remember no tricksies cause I’ll EAT YOUR SOUL THEN WE’RE DONE! Play by the rules and you and I will be the best of chums! We have a deal!

Gideon: We have a deal!

B: We have a deal!

B+G: We have a...deal!

LET’S MAKE A DEAL - REPRISE

Bill: Well well well! Got yourself a problem, don’t cha Pinetree?

Dipper: You again! What are you doing here!

Bill: Just coming round to offer my assistance. You know, I can be quite helpful if-

Dipper: What?! No! I’d never trust you.

Bill: Slow down, kid! Just think about it.

B: Let’s...make...a...deal!

Dipper: A deal?

B: A bargain meal!

Dipper: I’m gonna be sick.

B: See when you say those words, I focus on you little nerds! Let’s make a deal!

Dipper: GO AWAY.

B: Bear through my spiel, And you could be anything you want Just agree to my terms and I won’t taunt Let’s make a deal! Let’s make a deal! Let’s make a...deal!

Dipper: No. Get away from me.

Bill: Ouch. Suit yourself, kid. I’ll be back, and my price is gonna be something MUCH STEEPER.

JUST A PUPPET

Bill: All I want is a puppet, Maybe one with googly eyes, (side note: is googly a word...?) Just a little puppet, Why is that such a surprise?  All my life I’ve been waiting, For the chance to have one be Mine, tell me, and be honest, Can you spare one just for me? Dipper: I dunno, Mabel worked really hard on these- B: Don’t you want those answers? I can tell you anything, And all I want, all I want, Is a puppet! D: Just one? B: For everything. B: So what d’ya say, Pine Tree? Do we have a deal?

D: Deal. So, what puppet are you going to pick, anyways?

B: Let’s see. Eeny, meeny, miney, YOU.

Tell me Pine Tree, Did you think that I’d be without plans? A second agenda, With my own goals, And now, strike up the band!

We have a deal! Here’s the reveal... You’re my puppet until I find and burn that third journal! So just sit tight and rest assured it’s nothing personal!

B: Hahaha! We have a deal!

D: No no no no no! Stop!

B: We have a deal!

D: The laptop! B: Your fate is sealed. Hahahahahaha!

I TRUST YOU

[TO BE WRITTEN]

THE TALE OF TWO STANS

Ford: I suppose we should start at the beginning, then. Stan: 1960-something, Glass Shard Beach, New Jersey. Young Stan: Hey, Sixer? Young Ford: What? YS: Are you sleeping? YF: Yes. YS: You're such a liar! I can hear Your nerdy little voice Loud and clear In my ear! YF: Sometimes I wish you'd just disappear. YS: No you don't. YF: Goodnight. (Pause) YS: Hey, Fordsy. YF: Ugh! Go to bed, Stan! YS: No! I'm not tired and I say, This is the best time of the day For adventure. C'mon let's go and play! YF: Why? We did that all day. Go away! YS: Hey! We could be pirates sailing far, Across seven seas under the stars, Or maybe soldiers in a galactic war, C'mon Sixer, what are you waiting for? The night is ours, Use your head. We could make a huge blanket fort on your bed, And pretend to be knights saving pretty ladies- YF: School's tomorrow are you crazy? YS: Maybe! We can save the world from supernatural threats! Slaying mighty dragons without breaking a sweat! Finding buried treasure and diamonds and rubies, C'mon Sixer, why won't you play with me? Aliens, monsters, They'll all quake in fear, When they hear that the Pines twins are near! Dashing, charming, and handsome too! YF: Please be quiet - mom and dad will kill you! YS: Think about this, Just you and me! Our future right there for the taking. A story book fairy tale just opened up And it's written just for us. Stanford why are we waiting? Can't you see? The world is full Of new things to find, days for seizing, I'll punch my way out of anything. And I know you've got my back. Sixer, I'm not teasing. You and me! YF: You and I. YS: Side by side, Together? YF: Together. BOTH: Forever and ever, I'll never leave you behind! MA PINES: Boys! It's way past your bedtime! If I come up there and find that you've made a mess...! S: Those were the days, huh, Sixer? F: High school followed a few years later, and my future began to look bright. TEACHER: Mr. and Mrs. Pines, welcome. We need to talk about your son, Stanford. Stanley is waiting outside, but we'll get to him later. MA PINES: What's happened? Has Stanley spray painted the girls' locker room black, again? TEACHER: Yes, but that's not the point. Your son Stanford... He's a genius! A straight "A" genius! All the staff is going crazy Over his new project. Mr. Pines, he's great! You should be proud! Some college administrators Will be visiting tomorrow. I am almost certain That Stanford stands a chance with them. MA PINES: What about my Stanley? TEACHER: Miss, fast food restaurants were started for one purpose: to give jocks like Stanley a job. Look at the bright side, he'll always be nearby. (Pause) Teen Stan: Ha! Like you'd want to go to college. Ha! Like you'd leave me behind. All for the "pursuit of knowledge," Jokes on them: we're staying side by side. Teen Ford: You know what, Stan, I've been thinking. This is a huge break for me. I could actually do something with my life, Just you wait and see! Tomorrow decides my fate, Tomorrow seals the deal. That project decides my fate, But I know when that man walks in, he'll- Give me a scholarship, Make me an offer. TS: But what about us? Our hunting for coffers? TF: It can wait. TF: I'll make you a deal, Stanley. If I don't get a scholarship, then I'll do the treasure-hunting thing with you. Deal? TS: (Pause) Alright. (Pause) TS: What about me, huh? What'll I do? All of my plans Were banking on you, Being there with me. But those plans I'll never see! All because of a stupid project, I've been pushed aside like a dusty old object And like THAT suddenly my future is gone! (Machine breaks) TS: Oh no, no please! Okay...okay. Fixed it. Good as new. (Pause) TF: Today decides my fate, Today seals the deal. That project decides my fate, But I know when that man walks in, he'll MAN: Son, your machine's broken. TF: What?! No, no! It was working just yesterday- MAN: I think I'm done here. TF: (Pause) STAN! TS: Hey, Sixer! How'd it go? TF: It didn't "go" at all! My project was broken, Stanley. And guess what I found next to it! TS: Okay, so...maybe I hit it. But hey, there's a silver lining! Eh? Treasure hunting? TF: Are you kidding me? Why would I want to do ANYTHING with you? You ruined my future! FILBRICK PINES: You did what, you knucklehead? Get out of my house, Get out of this place! You tiny louse, Find some other space! FILBRICK: And don't come back! TS: What? Wait! Sixer, don't let him do this? High six? (Pause) TS: Fine! I don't need you, I don't need a home, I hate every one of you. Someday I'll be famous, And on that day you'll see, The name "Stanley Pines" on every billboard, And you'll remember me! No I won't be coming back! Not even if you beg me! Look at everything you'll lack, Now that I'm gone, you'll see. So bye! Ciao! See ya! And one thing overdue: Ford, I know your listening, I hope you're happy with the future you lose! (Pause) S: So...I decided to do the treasure-hunting thing. Turns out that gold is some kind of "rare metal." I struck gold elsewhere, though: in sales! Adult Stan: Hello my name is Stanley Pines! Are you sick of band-AIDS that won't come off? You need the RIP-OFF! It comes off easy! RIP-OFF! Trust me, I ain't sleazy. When I say it comes off, it comes off! S: The problem was: it didn't stay ON. Needless to say... It ended badly. But with a quick name change, Steve Pinington was ready to take on New York. AS: Hello my name is Steve Pinington! Are you sick of stains that won't come out? You need the SHAM! It makes it easy! The SHAM! Trust me, I ain't sleazy. When I say it won't give you rashes- S: It gave you rashes. And that's how I began - and that's why I'm banned from 43 states. F: Meanwhile, I had to go to my...second choice college. DEAN: Welcome, students, To Backupsmore. We weren't your first choice, But there's more! We make up for what we lack in mostly bug-free dorms! F: I had to work twice as hard for my degree, but luckily for me, that's what I do best. I soon graduated with 12 PhD's and was awarded a grant for my research, but what to study? Adult Ford: All my life I've been teased, For my hands, my abnormality. Six fingers on each hand, Excluded from group activities. Maybe there's a reason, Maybe there's a place, Filled up with superstition, Sightings. Just a trace, Is all I need to go on. Aha! That's it! I'll study the paranormal, And of sightings, just a minute, There it is, I knew it! In Oregon's countryside, There's a town called Gravity Falls, Where folks say monsters hide. F: I set off at once and started my research. I began to keep a journal- Dipper: AHHHHH THE JOURNALS!!! (Pause) D: Sorry, I just...keep going. F: Right. Well, my research led me to...an interesting circumstance. S: Meanwhile for me, life was great. Everything was going smoothly. (Door knocks) AS: Hold on, Horace! I told you once already. We sorted this out- You gave me a week to- AS: A postcard? (Pause) AS: Calm down, Stanley, breathe. It's only been ten years, Plus, he's your brother. It's not like he'll- AF: HALT. HAVE YOU COME TO STEAL MY EYES?! (Pause) AS: Great to see you too. AF: Stanley. Quickly - inside. AS: Did you build this? AF: Yes, but Stanley, I need you to listen to me. Take this journal, Keep it safe. Promise me, You'll keep it safe! AS: Alright, alright. AF: Do you remember our plans? Our plans to search for treasure? To sail across the seven seas, The world's width to measure? AS: Yeah- AF: Take this, and sail far away with it. AS: You're kidding! That's it? All this way- You must be SICK. Ten years, I haven't seen you! Ten years, I thought it'd be- Forget this. Forget you! I'll just burn this book and leave- AF: No! My research! AS: Get off of me- AH! AF: Stanley! No, oh god- OOF! AS: Some brother you turned out to be. AF: Stanley...Stanley! AS: What's going on?! AF: Help me, Stanley! Help me...! AS: No. No! You can't take him, I just got him back! S: I stayed down there for days, trying to get that thing to work. Eventually, I had to go out for food. (Pause) Lazy Susan: Hey, aren't you that researcher in the woods? Manly Dan: Whatcha been doin' up there, bro? AS: Oh, nothing much... LS: I'd pay anything to see what's in that "mystery shack" of yours! AS: Pay? Money? S: And so, the Mystery Shack was started. I'd spend my days upstairs, selling cheap oddities and museum tours. But at night, I was back in the basement, working on getting the Portal to work again.

THE AUTHOR - REPRISE

Dipper: He’s amazing, He’s fantastic, Like a hero from a movie, And he’s living in our basement!

He is brilliant, He is clever, He is everything I’ve ever dreamed, And ever hoped to be!

Stan: Kid, you’ve got your facts twisted around.

S: He cares for nothing but himself, The only reason why he ever does anything is to get trophies on shelves, He wants to go down in history, A statue in gold, over billions sold, and the world, the world at his feet.

D: No! If he’s as selfish as you say,

S: Oh, you bet he is.

D: Then why have you for the past thirty years worked on that portal for every day You could’ve taken your things and left,

S: Kid…

D: But you stayed here working, with monsters still lurking, and you turned away from theft!

S: That’s enough! There are some things that kids like you just can’t understand.

D: But Grunkle Stan-!

S: I said THAT’S ENOUGH! And stay away from my brother.

TRUST NO ONE

Ford: Take this back, this path of choices, I didn’t mean for this at all. I shook his hand, “show me your way,” And here I stand, on Judgment Day, Waiting, mere hours ‘til Earth’s curtain call.

I never should have trusted him, why did I? He who only watches with a single eye? I thought the dream was pure, But not I’m not so sure. It’s too late to change, just repeat that line.

When I try to sleep, it’s in my head, All burning broken desolate and dead, But there’s nothing I can do, He planned this out, he knew, That I’d have no where to turn after the fall. Besides, who could help me? Who who try? Everything is lost and I trust no one.

APPRENTICE

Ford: Dipper, can’t you see? You are so much like me, Can it be, that you were meant for something more? Your future’s right in front of you, I’m opening a door. Be my apprentice, Dipper, You don’t want to miss this, Dipper, You and me, we’ll take the world by storm! Just you and I together, We’ll change this world forever, Stick with me, we’ll be mystery defined, Just Dipper and Stanford Pines. Dipper: But what about school?

F: I’ll teaching you everything. D: What about my friends? F: Casualties for progress.

D: What about my parents? F: They’ll be thrilled!

D: What about Mabel?

F: She’ll be fine on her own. Twins have an understated ability to...move on. 

D: I don’t know... We’ve never really been apart before.

F: Isn’t it suffocating? Haven’t you wanted to do something with your life? This is your chance!

Be my apprentice, Dipper, You don’t want to miss this, Dipper, You and me, we’ll take the world by storm! Just you and I together, We’ll change this world forever, Stick with me, we’ll be mystery defined-

D: Great Uncle Ford!

GROWING UP

Soos: Whoa, dude! Slow down! Mabel: Oh my gosh! We could have the party HERE! Stan: Ha! No. Knowing you two, you'll probably raise the dead or somethin'. Not in my house! Soos: Hey dude! You could try the gym - it'd be a great place for your party. Mabel: That's a great idea, Soos! Let's go! I'm growing up, There's no need for babysitters, I'm old enough! I'm growing up, Drop the "pre" in preteen, high school here I come! In just a couple days, I'll be older, In so many ways. No turning back, now, Look out world, I'm growing up! Mabel: Whoa, what is everyone doing at school for the summer? Soos: I dunno, dude. I thought it was gonna be empty. Wendy: Hey! Mabel! Mabel: Wendy? You're here too? Wendy: Yeah. Everybody's here signing up for next year stuff. Mabel: This is great! I'm going to be in high school next-next year. Do you have any tips? Wendy: Don't try to grow up too fast. Mabel: What? Wendy: Listen, let me be honest, High. School. Sucks. Everybody's angry, Covered with acne, Drama's always everywhere, Boys like you based on your hair. Robbie: Hormones! Tambry: Taxes! Thompson: College! Nate: Jobs! Ensemble: Only four years to endure, But it's like death, you can be sure! Hey! Whoo! Sit down! Get to class! Detention! Wendy: When you grow up, There's no more crying, No more relaxing, Everyone's lying. You can't wake up, This is the nightmare That is high school Ensemble: High school! Wendy: Anyway. Whatcha doin' here? Mabel: Oh, you know, just...planning my thirteenth birthday party. Wendy: Cool. Can I come? Mabel: Sure. Soos: C'mon, dude. We have to deliver your invitations. Mabel: Oh yeah! I'm growing up, PG-13 movies, yeah, I'm old enough! I'm growing up, Sure there's high school soon but I can finally fall in love! In just a couple days, I'll be older, In so many ways. No turning back, now, Look out world, I'm growing up! Mabel: Candy! Grenda! Candy: Hello Mabel. Grenda: Heyyy. Mabel: You're not gonna believe...THIS! Grenda: What? You're birthday party's on the last day of summer? But I'm going on vacation with my boyfriend! Mabel: What? No! Candy, you can still come, right? Candy: Sorry, Mabel. My parents send me to music camp this time of year. There is no escape from music camp. Grenda: Sorry we can't come. Candy: We're going to miss you! Soos: Dude? Are you okay? Mabel: I'm growing up, Summer's ending soon, my friends are leaving. Feels like I'm doomed, But you know what? The sun's still shining through! In just a couple days, I'll be older, In so many ways. No turning back, now, Look out world- Ford: Be my apprentice, Dipper You don't want to miss this, Dipper Mabel: No... I'm growing up, I can't be a kid, anymore. I'm growing up, Why did everything turn out so poorly? In just a couple days, I'll leave my brother, I'm out of control. No turning back, now, Look out Mabel, You're growing up...

APPRENTICE - REPRISE

Ford: See Dipper? This is what I mean…. Can you look in the mirror and follow your dream? You’re a kid unlike any I’ve known! Whose bravery and knowledge have always brightly shown Will you be my apprentice Dipper? You sure don’t wanna miss this, Dipper.

Dipper: I’ll do it!

F: You’ll do it? Oh that’s wonderful my boy!

D: I’m meant for so much more!

D+F: You and me, we’ll take the world by storm! Just you and I together We’ll change this world forever!

F: Stick with me! We’ll be mystery defined, D+F: Just Dipper and Stanford Pines.

FANTASY VS. REALITY

[TO BE WRITTEN]

WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE

Stan: Can this be real? Can you hear how I feel? Are you sleeping, or is it pretend? I don’t think you know That for this battered soul, You’re the world, mid, beginning, and end. Ya know, sometimes I think I’m dreaming. Please tell me how I could have known That after those years Of heartache and tears I’d be here, with so much to lose. What could I have done To deserve to have someone Love me the way that you do? What I wouldn’t give— Had I another chance to live, I’d trade it all Just to keep both of you.

SURVIVE THE SUMMER - REPRISE

D: A few days ago, Bill took over the town, Now we're stuck here, And there is no way out. M: I can't believe this happened. It's all my fault- D: What? Mabel- M: I can't figure out a way BOTH: To survive the summer.

TAKE BACK THE FALLS

M: We have an idea!

S: Mabel? What are you doing up?

D: We know how we can defeat Bill!

D: We’ll need smarts!

M: And sweaters!

D: We’ll work in any kind of weather.

M: Cause we can do it if we work together-

S: What are you kids talking about?

M: Just listen!

D: Before Bill burned the journals, Grunkle Ford started to say, That Bill has a weakness! Now we know there’s a way!

M: So all we have to do, Is bust in and rescue Ford. Then he can help us beat Bill, We just gotta work to

D+M: Take back the Falls!

D: With your inventions and skill.

D+M: Take back the Falls!

M: By the end of this you bet we will! We just have to start with this house, Tell us, you guys, you in or out?

S: You kids need to go back to bed, you’re obviously sick in the head or something’.

M: Grunkle Stan, Bill has your brother. You can’t let him go, you just got him back!

D: We can do this.

Wendy: I’m in.

Soos: Me too!

Fiddleford: Me three!

Ensemble: Take back the Falls! With our inventions and skill. Take back the Falls! By the end of this you bet we will! And that one-eyed evil, Won’t see us now, take back the falls! With our inventions and skill. Take back the Falls! By the end of this you bet we will! No more running, and hiding, We’re done! Take back the Falls!

M: Grunkle Stan, why aren’t you helping?

S: Me, rescue my brother again? Ha, no. What’s the point? He’s dead to me either way.

()

Ford: Let him go you- what?

Bill: Hiya Fordsy. You have a nice nap?

F: Where am I?

B: The Fearamid. Like it? I think it’s snazzy. Have a seat!

F: What are you laughing at?

B: After all this time, you still don’t recognize a flesh couch, do you?

F: Agh! () What do you want, Bill?

B: You know that forcefield thing?

F: What forcefield thing?

B: There’s something that’s stopping my Weirdmageddon from getting released to the masses.

F: Gravity Falls’ Law of Weirdness Magnetism, yes I know it.

B: How do I get rid of it?

F: I’ll never tell you.

B: Then I’ll just have to make you tell me.

F: AH!

()

Ensemble: Take back the Falls! With our inventions and skill. Take back the Falls! By the end of this you bet we will! And that one-eyed evil, Won’t see us now, take back the falls! With our inventions and skill. Take back the Falls! By the end of this you bet we will! No more running, and hiding, We’re done! Take back the Falls!

WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE - REPRISE

Ford: What could I have done To deserve to have someone Love me the way that you do? What I wouldn’t give For another chance to live! I’d give it a-all…. 

GROWING UP - REPRISE

M: We're growing up, Now the summer's ending, Soon it will be fall. D: We're growing up, Turn our backs on this town, Bye Gravity Falls. S: Now you're both older- F: And smarter, but don't lose heart. S: Promise we'll be back to visit, M+D: Promise we'll be back to visit. W: See ya when you come to visit. M: Waddles? I...I told you, mom and dad won't let me bring a pig home. You can't come. S: Forget what they said! Hey, driver! This pig is going with the kids, you hear me? DRIVER: Now wait just a minute- Uh, I mean, welcome aboard, pig. W: Hey, Dipper. Come back soon, okay? CANDY: Bye Mabel! GRENDA: We'll miss you! SOOS: See ya, little dudes. F: Goodbye, Dipper and Mabel. It was a pleasure to be able to meet you. (Brief pause) S: Kids, you knuckleheads were nothing but a nuisance and I'm glad to be rid of ya. (Pause) M: We'll miss you, Grunkle Stan. (Pause) D: Ready to head into the Unknown? M: Nope. Let's do it. D: So, if you're ever taking a road trip in the Pacific Northwest, look out for a bumper sticker for a place called Gravity Falls. It's not on any maps, and most people have never heard of it. Some think it's a myth. But if you're curious, don't wait. Take a trip. Find it. It's out there somewhere in the woods...waiting.