#✧ ┊ there are many theories‚ but only mine is correct. (asks)

[epicorigin]

tag drop!!

[apoloadonisandnarcissus]

Blood binding and Sauron’s intentions

My pal @rey-jake-therapist and I were in one of our usual friendly discussions about this topic in one of her posts, but since the theme digresses so much from her original intent and I’m pretty much spamming her OG post by now, we decided to move the debate to here, and invite the fandom to join in.

As customary, Rey always presents good and challenging counter-arguments to mine. Because it's possible to disagree and keep it civil and friendly. This is good fandom etiquette, and this is the point of debates, after all: sharing different ideas and perspectives on the same topic. We usually end up agreeing on disagreeing and it’s all good in the end.

What were Sauron’s intentions and goals in stabbing Galadriel with Morgoth’s crown in 2x08? 

2x01 / 2x08 parallels: “Only blood can bind.” (Adar; 1x05)

1) Binding/Enslaving Galadriel to his Will

Rey made the case for Sauron’s intention of possessing and dominating Galadriel using Morgoth’s crown. And that we should focus on present intentions, and not lose yourselves in “what if” scenarios (with this I totally agree, so, let's focus on the present time).

This theory states that Sauron wanted to enslave Galadriel to his will, by having her handing over Nenya, in submission. This would explain why Galadriel seemed “bewitched” while removing Nenya from her finger, and almost surrendering it to him.  

This means Sauron has “outgrown” his intentions from 1x08, when he wanted to serve Galadriel (due to his Maia nature; he was created to be a servant to a Vala). Now, he wants full power, and he’s not willing to share it with anyone else (Galadriel included):

Sauron only wants to dominate/possess Galadriel now: she humiliated him when she refused him in 1x08, he developed an obsession for her, so he punished her with physical pain (the stabbing), and attempted to possess her so she would follow him.

And so, if blood binding theory is true, this would work like the Nine and the Nazgûl, with Galadriel not only being a servant, but a slave to Sauron. This theory can also imply she would have, indeed, become a Ringwraith herself, as her soul was entering the Unseen world (“Shadow realm”) when Gil-galad and Arondir found her.

This is a very strong theory, and I think many fellow fans share this view, as well. Would it pass Sauron to do something like this? Absolutely not, and it would not be OCC for him to have this intention, at all.

So what’s my problem, you might ask?

This facial expression right here:

Unless Charlie was having a case of fatigue eyes due to extensive use of contact lenses (speaking from personal experience), there’s no explanation for Sauron getting all teared up when he believed Galadriel was about to join him, if his intention was to enslave her to his will, and that’s what he was doing here.

And no, Galadriel can’t deceive him. This is underestimating Sauron’s power: he’s the “great deceiver”, and only he can deceive himself, really. And if they are, indeed, blood bound, Galadriel couldn’t possibly hide anything from him. And I already made the case for how Galadriel was about to join him, freely, in another post.

2) “You bind me to the light, I bind you to power”

Speaking of Sauron’s intentions, we need to remember the creator of this character and what he says about him. Tolkien tells us (in Letters 131, 153 and 183) that “Annatar” still has “fair motives”: he’s a reformer who, truly, wants to rebuild/heal Middle-earth, and he’s genuine in this endeavor (nevermind his methods, that’s why he’s a villain). Rey counter-argumented this does not translate in a desire to serve Galadriel, and she’s correct.

However, what was his intention in 1x08?  

And if Sauron still has a genuine concern in healing Middle-earth, what if his intention with Morgoth’s crown was giving Galadriel his power, while harvesting her light for himself, just like he wanted in 1x08? And if this was his intention, why would he keep her soul “trapped” in the Unseen world? What if he wanted to make her queen of the Seen and Unseen world? Not a mere queen of Middle-earth, but as nearly as possible to a literal Goddess he could serve?

Because Sauron/Mairon can’t escape his nature, he was created to be a servant, a Maia to a Vala. And, right now, he doesn’t want to serve Morgoth. Even though he does it, unconsciously, and perhaps he recognized this after he killed Celebrimbor in a rage fit (something that’s completely OCC for him, because that’s not who he is; Sauron is a control freak, a mastermind).

This scene with Galadriel happened after that; and Sauron cried because, when he looked up at Celebrimbor, all he could see was Morgoth’s bounds on him reaching the surface. And that chaotic destruction is Morgoth, not Sauron. And he doesn't want that at this point on his character arc in Tolkien lore. I think this is when Sauron makes the decision to bind himself to Galadriel, one way or the other.

I absolutely disagree with the idea that Sauron stabbed Galadriel to punish her or kill her: if that was his true intention he would have used Morgoth sword (he was already using it in his duel with Galadriel the entire time), not a powerful dark magic object infused with own blood (because Adar used it to destroy his previous physical form), nor he would have carried that thing around the entire time while mentioning "binding" twice (“I never believed I could be... Until today. Fighting at your side, I... I felt... If I could just hold on to that feeling, keep it with me always, bind it to my very being, then I...” (1x06); “The door is still open”).

“Binding” (usually connected with “blood oaths”) and “enslaving” are two different kinds of blood magic. Because the Nine rings of power are pieces of jewelry meant to be worn by ring-bearers, with a small dosage of Sauron’s blood (along with other specific spells). Morgoth’s crown not only has a lot of Sauron’s blood on it, but we also don’t know what kind of dark magic it actually contains: we only know it was made to hold the Silmarils and it can destroy Sauron’s physical form (implying that, maybe, Sauron doesn’t have much control over this object?).

Sauron accidentally sharing his power with Galadriel is nonsense to me, as well. He's ancient, has been around since before the world existed (he helped create that very world), has been a master in blood magic and every sort of sorcery for thousands of years, and he’s one of the most powerful Maia in existence, but isn’t aware he would be giving Galadriel some of his power by binding himself to her? When he clearly mentions this in 1x08? "I bind you to power". Because Galadriel appears to be seeing the world in a whole new way in 2x08 epilogue (and even her eyes look off):

Besides, Galadriel is suppose to be a powerful sorceress of her own right in Tolkien lore, mastering several powers. In the legendarium Galadriel own power was amplified by Nenya, yes, but this isn’t the case in “Rings of Power”, because we haven’t seen her displaying any magical powers in Season 1. She won’t have any other powers in the show (besides healing and foresight/visions), completely cutting off with Tolkien legendarium? If the show keeps it true to the lore on that bit, where did her powers (look into others’ hearts and minds, and communicate telepathically) come from? Will they “magically” appear out of nowhere? When and how? But, if these powers came from Sauron it’s because he wanted it to happen, and that was his intention. And if that was his intention, what was his purpose with this if not to serve her?

And Sauron does share power: he does share his power with those he wants to enslave; via the rings of power. That’s why Celebrimbor tells him he’s their prisoner, and not their master. However, these are two very different kinds and degrees of magic. Because with the rings ("enslave") he can control how he wants it to go; while sharing his actual power with another living being ("blood oath") is uncontrollable. He can’t possible know the end result of it.

I know there’s a popular theory that Adar was blood bound to Sauron, but I don’t think so. Adar not only doesn't have any magical powers, but he wouldn’t be able to kill Sauron himself, if that was true. Blood binding is a blood oath, and it’s forever, unbreakable, and it prevents beings from harming or acting against one another (physically) in any direct way. That’s why “Rings of Power” introduced the clue that Sauron might be blood bound to Morgoth in 1x03; and that’s the reason he could never leave nor forsake his master even when he came to resent him.

This means, that, in "Rings of Power", Sauron, most likely, only has Morgoth as a reference to blood oaths. And he probably thinks this will go the same way with Galadriel, and he’ll keep her light to himself, allowing him to keep Morgoth at bay. Only her “light” is merely aesthetic, really. The light that shines on her hair and eyes is the light of the Two Trees of Valinor, and it shines on every Elf that was born during the Years of the Trees (and not only her). Because Galadriel is a complex and nuanced character, and ticking bomb that can turn dark at any minute.  

[imasoftieforbarb]

i love the little fic u made of my request and you asked if the readers would like a part 2 AND IM SORRY IF IM BEING TO DELUSIONAL BUT

IF YOU HAVE TIME AND WANT TO OFC COULD U DO THE PART 2, I LOVE YOUR WORK SM I MEAN IT 😭⁉️

HERE COMES PART 2‼️

We’re gonna get into the movie stuff now

John Dory comes to check out Mount Rageous

As he makes his way through the ventilation he hears crying- but it doesn’t sound like Floyd so he moves on (a bit guiltily)

Once he finds Floyd (and lands face first on the dresser)

John Dory groaned as he pulled himself off the floor in a hurry “Yo! Floyd!”

Floyd looked up from his lap as his eyes widened “John dory? I cant believe it!” Floyd pressed his hands against the wall of his prison “I never thought I’d see any of my brothers again”

John Dory smiled before pressing his hand up to the glass in confidence

“Don’t worry bro I’m gonna get you out of here”

“No! You need to get out of here!” Floyd said urgently “you don’t understand- Velvet and Veneer are giant, pop obsessed succubi with NO talent and they’ve been stealing mine and Y/n’s- it’s only a matter of time now until they come back for more!”

John Dory thought to himself “Y/n? Like our old manager and childhood best friend Y/n? But- why did they take her?”

Floyd sighed to himself, misplaced guilt eating at him a bit “when you guys left, she followed me and after a bit we ended up confessing-“

“I KNEW YOU HAD FEELINGS FOR HER-“

“Shhhhhhh!” Floyd shushed his brother, though he couldn’t deny the smile on his face- he had missed this

“So she’s here?” John Dory said looking around, “I don’t see her anywhere!”

“She got taken by Velvet- as like a personal back up! I don’t know where she is- but if shes having her talent drained she won’t last as long, she isn’t a trained singer JD! I’m worried”

“Don’t worry bro- I’ll get both of you out-!”

JD tried many tricks to try and crack the prison his brother was in but to no luck

“It’s made out of diamond- and there’s only one thing that’s strong enough to shatter diamond” Floyd hoped his brother got the clue-

“A diamond shattering diamond hammer! Where do we get one of those?”

It went way over his head

“No, the only thing strong enough to shatter diamond is the perfect family harmony” Floyd said giving his brother a look of humour

“Of course! The prefect family harmony!”

Floyd nodded looking at his brother with tired but hopeful eyes until-

“Our voices sound like GARBAGE! We need more TROLL!”

“Run John Dory- save yourself” Floyd urged, not wanting to get his brother captured

John Dory nodded, grappling back to the vent and shouting that he’d be back with the rest of the family

During the rescue mission you’re nowhere to be found

Floyd’s theory is correct and you are drained far to quickly-

You turn into a crystal troll just before the rage dome show

Velvet decides to put you in her pocket like a little good luck charm

The perfect family harmony works and shatters the diamond perfectly

Floyd thinking of you as he sings the last line

“Just let me take you to a better place!”

When he wakes up from his crystal form and has a moment with his brothers he looks around and doesn’t see you anywhere

“John Dory, where’s Y/n?”

Everybody starts looking around not being able to see you

Not even Crimp knows where you are

“Velvet! Where’s the other troll? The one you took as a backup?” Veneer said, after confessing that they were frauds

“Oh her? She drained far to fast so I gave her another use” velvet stated- pulling you out of her pocket “she’s my little good luck charm- though she didn’t work so she’s useless to me now”

Floyd gasped, tears finally spilling over as he takes in your completely crystallised form in shock

“No… Nononono”

Veneer snatches you off velvet and hands you to the group of trolls on the floor with remorse

“Y/n? Come on- this cant be happening!”

Floyd brings you into a hug- sobbing as he realises there’s no hope for you

You, though crystallised, can hear everything around you

You try to open your eyes but they’re so heavy

“You can’t do this to me- not after everything we’ve been through together, it’s my fault” Floyd stated through his tears “I just want you back.”

Everyone looks down in sadness, shedding their own tears as they mourn with Floyd

Then

The darkness starts to fade from your vision as you blink a few times

You raise your hand to his face, startling him

“You’re so silly”

you say weakly, watching his eyes tear up again- this time from happiness and disbelief

“You never lost me in the first place”

He brings you into a kiss- putting all of his emotions into it

The crowd cheers as they realise you’re alive and as velvet and veneer are taken away in cuffs

[extremlynerdyfairy]

Someone call me Dimension 20’s MatPat, cause I have some INSANE theories to share!!

‼️⚠️Spoilers for Fantasy High: Junior Year (Mostly Ep. 13 and back)⚠️‼️

❤️‍🔥🔮🌹Theory #1🌹🔮❤️‍🔥:

Cassandra is in the court of stars?!

When Adaine goes to the court of stars, I found something peculiar in Brennan’s description of the interior of the place. He mentions how in the center of the room, there’s a MASSIVE rose that is surrounded by shimmering, indigo-purple energy. Who in this entire franchise has been associated with those colors and Brennan ALWAYS described their magic/aura having that same vibe?

CASSANDRA!!!

WHAT IF the timeless rose in the court of stars is one of the few remaining items that has some of Cassandra’s essence?

But that’s not the end of it. The rose is described a huge rose, right? You could even say it’s GIANT sized. If my phrasing wasn’t obvious enough, I think the rose might’ve had a deeper meaning/connection for both Ankarna and Cassandra. I googled it, and it’s said that roses usually bloom around early spring and late autumn. This means that PEAK rose blooming season could possibly be summer. Ankarna’s domain.

So there’s a possibility (or better said a hunch) that a possible old gift amongst these two forgotten and corrupted deities is in Fallinel. But considering the fact that a monument about the wedding is in Fallinel, I wouldn’t be surprise if the flower in question is what remains of a bridal bouquet (roses are traditionally associated with love and are a popular bouquet options for weddings…👀). But we’ll see if anything will from this crazy observation of mine.

👹🔥👨‍👩‍👧Theory #2👨‍👩‍👧🔥👹:

Who’s Fig’s REAL daddy, really?

I know this might seem like a bit, but I think it’s one worth thinking about. Usually Tieflings are just descendants of one mortal being and an infernal being. To my knowledge (and I encourage any DND buffs to fact check me on this), Tieflings can pop-up in a family tree as long as ONE of the bio parents has infernal blood or ancestry in them.

Now, why does this have to do with Fig’s bloodline? Gilear even stated in sophomore year that him and Sandra Lynn weren’t having bedroom fun before fig came along. Well I’ll bring you this question as a rebuttal: If Gilear was always aware to some degree about Fig not being his, how did Sandra Lynn get away with that lie for MANY years?

My theory is that Sandra Lynn originally didn’t know WHO fathered Fig since (and I’m just spit balling here) she probably had adult fun with Gilear shortly after Gortholax (probably due to guilt and making sure Gilear didn’t catch on to the cheating) and basically decided to wing it and after Fig started growing her horns didn’t hesitate to consider Gortholax the father. BUT WHAT ABOUT GILEAR’S DEMONIC BLOODLINE?! We recent learned Gilear is a descendant of Backur and we know that the curse attached to the Feith family is past on to the eldest of the family to the oldest of their children.

What if Gilear IS Fig’s bio dad AND that Fig being a Tiefling was because of Gilear being a descendant of Backur?!

Tbh this is a theory I’m only 65% sold on, since I’m not sure my DND knowledge is correct or if Brennan’s world even operates under those same rules. But it’s fun to think about.

🐀🤓😈Theory #3😈🤓🐀:

Kipperlilly, the rat grinders, and Ankarna?!

I know that the season is leading up to a final confrontation between both of these adventuring parties, but here’s the fun question to ask:

WHY? Why the FUCK are these nerds SO determined to have the Bad Kids eat shit?

Very simple answer. Conquests. ✨ACADEMIC✨ Conquest. We know the rat grinders are basically exp farmers and (in many ways) are dark parallels to many of the Bad Kids own party members (Buddy and Kristen, Ruben and Fig, Oshin and Adaine, etc.). And we’ve seen how salty they are (Cunt-head Bitch face, especially) at how the Bad Kids (despite many of them not taking their academics seriously) are able to achieve things the Rat Grinders think THEY deserve. And who was recently revealed as a goddess of Conquest? Ankarna.

But HOW would the Rat Grinder’s know about Ankarna?! Well… remember Lucy?

Lucy’s death is very much hinted to be caused by the other members of her party (tho, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s revealed that it was someone else, most likely Kalina). But WHY did Lucy die?!

What if Lucy was trying to pull a similar stunt that Kristen pulled in sophomore year? After all we know Lucy wanted to switch gods and the name on the paper for that switch within the school was blank. Kinda like the god’s name wasn’t found or couldn’t be said…like Ankarna. I 1,000% believe that Lucy was trying to bring the uncorrupted version of Ankarna back (similar to how Kristen brought Cassandra back from her Nightmare King form). How she found out about Ankarna is a whole entire debate (maybe from her original goddess or through research, we’ll find out what more episodes released) but we are left with one MASSIVE question:

WHY DID THE RAT GRINDERS KILL LUCY?! What could they possibly gain from killing their friend?! Well…what if the rat grinders didn’t want Ankarna uncorrupted?

Afterall, Ankarna’s corrupted domain (that of conquest, rage, and dominating over others) fits better with Kipperlilly’s need to be the best at the school. I wouldn’t be surprised if the rat grinders’ end goal is to use Ankarna’s corrupted domain to help them (mostly Kipperlilly) win the elections.

After all, Cunt-head Bitch-Face did make it VERY clear from the beginning that her goal is to see the Bad Kids get what they deserve (which is expulsion) for their lack of academic integrity; and, for her party (the group that has been doing things by the book this entire time) to get what THEY deserve. Absolute power over the school.

Those are all my theories! PLEASE share your thoughts. And remember, it’s Just a theory… A DIMENSION 20 THEORY!!!

(Note: I went back and fleshed out a bit more theory #3 because I was writing it at 2am and forgot to add a few of the important details of that theory 😅)

[dxdx]

Hey! Have been a long-time follower of your blog and I really like BTS but I thought to rant about how Namjoon is a Sagittarius rising!! and your post was correct on guessing his rising sign. Have you pulled up his chart yet? Is there anything you see that you find interesting? (I know you're not an astrologer or anything, but I am just really curious). But also, can we talk about Jungkook's birth chart? He's a Capricorn rising.... I did not expect that at all. I would have guessed the Libra rising or Leo rising to fit him but to have Capricorn rising, Virgo sun, and Virgo moon (not Leo moon either which is crazy because I believe Jungkook was a Leo moon for the longest of time and now I am doubting if Yoongi is a Virgo moon like what if he is a Libra moon?). Did Jungkook's birth chart surprise you as it did for me? If you do answer this, thank you so much for your time and hope you have a great day/evening/night!

Hello my love! First of all, thank you for considering my rants interesting enough for you to consider to pass by and ask for more lol. If i'm not mistaken, you're asking me what in his chart made me stick to the sagittarius rising theory??

okay, let's begin then, I'll try to keep it brief.

Let's take a look at his chart with the Sagittarius rising (I use whole signs).

Why I tought a Sagittarius rising could suit him (keeping it kinda simplistic because I don't want to make this too long):

—Would make his Moon fall in the 1st, in a fire sign. Now that we have his specific birth time, we can also notice that it's in a tight conjuction with his ascendant. Moon influencing the Ascendant can give very round faces like Namjoon's (if there isn't anything in the way ofc). Also, he's very expressive and sassy and I tought maybe just a moon in sagittarius combined with the rest of his chart wasn't enough to make him that wild. Now, ofc he's for sure matured, he's in his 30s, but if you go back in time, when he was younger, the Sagittarius influence was waaaaaay more noticeable by the way he behaved.

—The Scorpio vibes people were getting from he would still have made sense because Jupiter in Scorpio would be his chart ruler. Jupiter expands and exaggerates everything it touches, so scorpio vibes intensifies.

—Chart ruler & Venus would fall in the 12th. 12th house is a malefic house, related to self-isolation, mental & physical prisons, hidden enemies and a huge etc. Prominent 12th house placements made sense for him because 1) he's an idol, 2) he's a specially private person 3) his struggles with anxiety, 4) this is also due to other placements in his chart but how he's so interested in human philosophy and pshycology and how he's very analytical, 5) alone time and personal space are very important for him, 6) too many toughts, too inmersed in his mind, 7) now this one is just literal translation lmao he's got venus IN SCORPIO in THE 12TH = turbulent love life, having to keep your love life secret (and he's an idol lol). Idk if astrology theory backs this up but at least a personal observation of mine is that 12th house placements can make reaaaaaally intelligent people, specially in the emotional field. Ofc 12th house placements are not enough for that, in his case makes sense because of the virgo + scorpio + sagittarius combination.

—Sun in Virgo in the 10th house, 10th house ruler in the 11th, MC falls in the 11th -> fame & Influence, being known for being a nerd lol, combined with his sagittarius placements that give him internationality + 9th house ruled by his sun in the 10th = career taken to overseas matters, traveling because of your job.

—His MC falls in Libra, making conjunction with Mercury in the 11th -> being known for being a good comunicator, eloquent & a diplomatic person. Not only his social reputation among his circle, we are talking about big crowds (11th), being known in his field of work because of the same thing, as his 11th house & 10th house are working together (10th house ruled by his mercury in libra in the 11th that's in conj. with his MC).

—Sagittarius placements would make someone good at languages and interested in different cultures, so very namjoon coded.

—About his Saturn in the 4th I didn't think too much because we don't know really much about his family background, but the fact that his Saturn would fall in angular house didn't rub me off, it made sense.

And honestly anon? It was also a bit of a gut feeling too because I always related a lot to namjoon and we share a lot of placements so in my head him being a sagittarius rising made sense because that would make our placements fall in the same houses so me relating to him so much would fall into place even more so lol.

About the Yoongi thing, I already ranted about him in the guessing rising post so yeah. My brain can't process him having a Libra moon and literally no Virgo in his chart at all because for me he's such a strong representation of a Virgo moon lol but if he's a Scorpio Rising as I think he is, then he would have a Moon in the 12th, which is not crazy, makes sense for me. If he's an Aquarius rising, which was my other guess, then yes, he'd stay as a Virgo moon.

Finally, about Jungkookie, oh yes anon, it was soooo unexpected to me lol. At first I was like huh? CAPRICORN RISING? MOON IN VIRGO??? EARTH BIG 3???? So this is just a proof of how strong the influence of the idol persona his agency created for him is lol (the sweet & innocent maknae thing!). Like, even if those fake birth times wouldn't have been around, I still would have tought about a Libra or Leo rising, but honestly never Capricorn. He was giving so much Libra energy that I said, yep, it's the rising with Venus in the first!!! But okay, once you look at his chart and try to understand where it comes from it was probably the Libra Venus falling in the 10th.

We already know he's a strong perfectionist and he's very hard on himself. After seeing all that earth, we can definetely confirm is not just for the plot and to appeal fans or smth like that and actually, it's probably even worse than the public can see, which makes me feel bad for him.

Also, he's probably very very stubborn lol. People have mentioned it before, but yk, we as consumers don't really perceive him that way because we only see the soft, cute boy side they want us to see but ohhh brother. Capricorn, virgo & scorpio mixed together???? That's some intense (&hot) combination. His Libra Venus in the 10th is probably his Almuten Figuris or his Lord of Geniture and that's what's saving him from looking mean and is adding the soft, sweet, approachable boy aura to him lol.

And lastly, his chart ruler being Saturn in Aries in the 4th really makes great sense, since he left home very very early (aries= first sign of the zodiac, everything fast, early independence) to work and was forced to mature very soon.

This placement and the Libra Venus in the 10th are the only ones that didn't take me by suprise. The rest, shooketh. I do have to add that if you have both Libra & Capricorn placements in the chart, the Libra effect softens the Capricorn ones pretty much so, maybe that's what happened LOL. Libras with strong saturnian influence turn out more disciplined and decisive than your typical libra placement but they still manage to mantain their sweet & charming vibe, but in a more subtle way.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

(is not this gif, but do you remember that fansign where a fan came and made jungkook wear a baby hat or smth like that? It was already cringy and awful but now knowing that he's an earth big 3 with a Scorpio mars makes it 3x funnier LOL)

[akirakirxaa]

FFXIVWrite Prompt 16: Third-Rate

Rating: G

Word Count: 814

Summary: Akira is finding notes all over the house, and goes to Hades to demand why. [OT4 AU, shortly after Stella starts showing signs of having her unique echo abilities. Rough draft of a larger scene.]

[Master Post]

Akira was in the kitchen, making lunch for Stella, when she found the first note.

It was a single page, and from reading it, it seemed to be one of many. It was talking about aether and properties of the Lifestream and… and Stella. More than that, Akira knew the handwriting well. She could go confront the author now, but her daughter was hungry and perhaps he wasn’t ready to talk about his theories. So she carefully folded and pocketed the paper.

The next one was on the bookshelf, in front of her most read and beloved tomes, and she knew they were being left on purpose. Akira knew Hades perhaps better than he knew himself at times (he would vehemently protest, but the fact is for all that Persephone when she lived had always been something of his opposite, Akira and Hades were almost too alike), and knew this was his way of telling her something he didn’t want to talk about.

And the only reason she could come up with was that he had overheard G’raha’s dismissal of asking for his assistance and took it personally. Which, to be fair, G’raha likely meant it personally. She sighed to herself; would they never be able to at least be amicable?

Akira continued with her day, finding more and more notes in places she knew and he knew she wouldn’t miss. She found so many that they no longer fit in her pockets comfortably, and she sighed, resigning herself to carrying them around the house until she found them all and could read their entirety in the correct order (each one was helpfully labeled with a page number, which many might just attribute to a dedication to organization, but Akira knew meant he intended for her to put them in the correct order). But when she found the furthest numbered page yet, she gave it a quick skim and felt a fierce irritation that would no longer be denied. Fuming, she stomped to the office Hades had claimed as his own and, predictably, found him inside.

“’The preceding recommendations should be presented to a suitable scholar of aetherology; many such persons reside in Sharlayan and should be able to assist’?” Akira read out before Hades could do more than look up from the book he had been idly gazing at (she wondered if he’d even been truly reading it).

“Am I incorrect?” he challenged, setting the book aside and pushing out of the chair.

“Are you…what?” Akira’s voiced raised incredulously. “Well, of course you’re correct, but—“

“Then why are you pestering me?” he snipped, folding his arms. To anyone else, it would seem impossibly rude, but Akira knew better. He was building up his walls and trying to make the problem go away. But honestly, by now he should know better.

“Because why would we go to some third-rate aetherologist when we have you right here?”

“And why should I help you?”

“Because Stella loves you,” Akira bit back the urge to add ‘you idiot’. “Because she trusts you, and I trust you. I trust you to make sure that our daughter doesn’t get herself hurt—“

“Your daughter,” he snapped, turning to the bookcase, pretending to browse its contents though she suspected he read not a single tome’s spine. “Not mine. The Exarch has made that perfectly clear. I have given my professional thoughts on the matter and you may do with that what you will, but she is not my family.”

“Hades, don’t be—“ Akira started, but a little sniffle from the doorway drew both of their attentions. She turned to see her daughter standing there, and though she couldn’t be sure how long Stella had been standing there, it was clear it had been long enough.

“E-Eme?” Stella’s stared at him with wide, hurt eyes. Then, the toddler turned and scurried from the room, her crying loud enough to be heard by both adults. Hades sank down into the office chair with a loud, heavy sigh.

Akira did not need him to tell her that he didn’t mean it; it was written all over his face. She had seen how softly and carefully he treated with her daughter when Stella sought him out to show him pictures or flowers or what hairstyle Hythlodaeus had given her that day. And so she knew he was only doing it to protect himself, that the threat of getting attached only for G’raha to one day put his foot down was too much for him to bear.

So the foolish man was going to do it to himself first.

Akira paced over to the desk that took up so much of the room and placed the (slightly crumpled now) pages of notes carefully down, resisting the urge to set them aflame in frustration.

Then, without another glance at Hades, she went to find her daughter.

[acefaun]

Yandere Leon

Synopsis: He almost lost you before for reasons outside of his control. This time he’s losing you because of himself. But even if he has to go against the universe itself, nothing’s going to keep you away from him. 

✨Masterlist✨ Female goldfish! Warnings: language, violence, blood, manipulation, self-harm, suicide A/n: Told you Yan!Leo was going to be my first posted fic of the year! All just to spite him… heh... Leon was pretty interesting to write. I mean, he’s the most powerful god in the Heavens infatuated with a human. If you read his main story, I think you know what kind of chaos he’s capable of when it comes to you. Of course, there were a whole lot of options when it came to someone like Leon. But this is just one of my many ideas and theories on what a Yan!Leon could be like.

–Word Count: 13,764–

The atmosphere was previously calm, but the silence felt too thick and suffocating. The room was illuminated in a warm orange color, but the mood didn’t match the warmth of the setting sun.

I was shaking where I stood, consumed with too much worry that I’d get reprimanded for something out of my control. Getting corrected by Leon seemed like a regular occurrence lately. Getting treated like I was some sort of dog to be trained was getting old.

Leon used to be such a great guy—not that I would tell him otherwise. He was terrifying—and not terrifying in his usual all-powerful way, either. He had always been protective, caring, gentle, and understanding. So, when did he become so possessive—so controlling? When did things change? Was I too stupid a human to notice when things turned for the worst? 

“(Name).” 

I flinched, but I still bowed my head shyly when he addressed me—technically, it was in fear, but he could never tell the difference. He never asked. “Yes?”

Was he going to yell at me again? Did I do something wrong today? Maybe he didn’t like the way I was dressed. It wouldn’t be a first. The last time he caught me in something he didn’t like, he stripped me completely naked just to dress me in something of his choice. Luckily, we hadn’t been in public or around any of the other gods at the time.

So caught up in what he might be thinking, he caught me off guard when he said, “I want you to stay here tonight.”

My head snapped up at his request. He knew I had work the next day. Was he purposefully trying to inconvenience me? “Leo, I have work tomorrow.”

“It wasn’t a question.” 

Why was he being such a jerk? My lip trembled, and I was tempted to talk back. But I knew he would keep me as long as he wanted because there was no possibility of me leaving without his permission. 

Meekly, I grew the courage to at least try and get an argument out. “You know they need me. This is important-” I shut my mouth quickly when he raised his hand. I sunk my teeth into my lip in frustration. He had me trained like a dog.

I flinched when he snapped his fingers, only to find that nothing happened. Lounging across his bed, Leon tilted his head at my startled reaction, but he didn't otherwise comment on it. “Don’t talk back to me. When I tell you I want something, you give it to me. If something’s inconveniencing you, tell me, and I’ll get rid of it. There is no reason for you to tell me no for anything. Don’t do it again. Now, come here.”

“Sorry,” I apologized timidly, looking down as I joined him.

He pulled me against his torso, laying back on the bed. Though, his eyes wandered across my figure before asking, “Are you cold, goldfish?”

He couldn’t tell that my shaking was because I was terrified of him. He was easily triggered and harder to read now more than ever. Was he that dense, or was he simply acting ignorant to how I felt? Still, I wasn’t about to enlighten him. He would probably have the audacity to use it against me. 

If he knew how quickly my heart was racing, he would chalk it all up to me being excited by him. “I’m fine… thanks.”

“Are you sick?” My eyes widened as his face grew closer to mine. For a moment, I thought he was going to pin me to the bed, but I was grateful when a knock at the door interrupted us. Leon ignored the interruption for a moment, his eyes still scanning over me in that faux worry I knew he was capable of—or maybe he really was worried, but he had a strange way of showing it. His lips drew back in displeasure before ordering, “Stay here. You don’t look well.” Getting off the bed, he left me alone in the room as he followed Karno.

I was glad to see that Karno was there to distract Leon, at least for a moment. I was getting smothered by his overbearing presence. It didn’t help that I wasn’t allowed to speak to any of the other gods. 

Just the other day, he caught me greeting Tauxolouve as I entered the mansion. I hadn’t thought much of it until Leon reacted horribly and reprimanded his subordinate. For once, Tauxolouve hadn't even been flirting with me and Leon still swooped in and scared us both half to death.

I sighed, crawling out of his bed. I wasn’t sure how long Leon would be gone, but I was growing intolerant of the way he was treating both me and my friends. It was exhausting and emotionally taxing to feel like I had to look over my shoulder all the time.

I wondered if any of the other gods caught on to what was happening. Was this typical god behavior that I just wasn’t prepared for? Only a god would have the answer to that question.

Maybe Huedhaut could give me some insight into what was going on from his perspective. I needed to know if this was going to get worse or not. Maybe it was time for Leon and I to… part ways.

I carefully opened the door, checking up and down the hall before leaving the room. It had become a habit of mine to check my surroundings for any sign of Leon before leaving or entering a room. Though, Huedhaut was important to Leon, so even if I were to get caught… he wouldn’t overreact, right? I had to convince myself that the answer was no despite all the evidence that told me Leon would overreact for anything.

With my heart thumping anxiously, I hesitantly knocked on Huedhaut’s door. It took a moment for him to answer and I tried to remain calm and composed when he finally answered. However, my voice still came out shaky and timid as I greeted him, “Hi…”

“(Name)...” He addressed me slowly, taking in my slight fidgeting. His intelligent mind was already connecting the dots of my visit. “Did you need something?” He stepped aside from the entrance, gesturing me past him. 

I rubbed my arm, shifting my feet awkwardly as I debated on accepting his invitation inside. But there was no use for me to just stay outside like an idiot, so I shuffled past him and answered, “I was wondering if you noticed anything different about Leo. He’s been acting differently and… I’m not sure what to do, or if it’s my fault.”

Huedhaut sighed and gave a brief nod of acknowledgement. “He has been acting out of character—particularly around you. I’m… hesitant to assume this is connected to his increased power. Has he told you anything at all about this?” He took my confused expression as a no and continued explaining the current situation in the Heavens. “Leo’s preparing for his transition to King. It doesn't explain his recent behavior with you, so I can’t be certain if the two are connected.” 

“King?” I repeated, my eyes widened. Leon never mentioned anything relatively close to him being King. If he’d let me see the other gods, I was sure I would have heard of it by now, but it came as a shock. “I don’t feel like that has anything to do with this. Don’t you know how terrifying he is? He’s always tormenting me and controlling me and I don’t know what to do. He’s never acted like this before.” 

He hummed, as stumped as I was about what was causing Leon’s sudden change in behavior. “It’s certainly different. Karno’s been keeping tabs on him but strangely has never brought any of this up.”

“Then you all know,” I said, accusing the entire Wishes department. They all seemed to be aware of the progressing situation. Didn’t they learn anything useful in all this time? “Isn’t there any way to help him? I can’t do this alone. Help me,” I desperately pleaded with him.

Huedhaut finally let out a deep breath before pulling me into a hug. His chin rested on my head as he rubbed my back soothingly. “I’m sorry.” This was the first contact with anyone other than Leon that I’d had in weeks. Despite how comforting he was, his apology told me that this was the most he could offer. “I don’t think we can help him. This isn’t something we can snap our fingers and fix.” 

Could no one help Leon? I balled my hands into Huedhaut’s uniform, burying my face in his chest as I took in his offered comfort. The only option left was to break up with Leon, but he wouldn’t allow that. He was too controlling to let me off that easily. Looking back up at Huedhaut, I said, “I don’t know what else to do.” Tears of frustration built up in my eyes. When did I get backed into a corner? 

“I know,” he said as he patted my head. Still, he knew I was panicking and he had to solve this problem somehow. After a moment of silence, he said, “How about this? We can try talking to Leo for you. In fact Karno was the one who sought him out today. He listens to Karno, so there’s a chance-” The mansion shook violently and the gentle smile was wiped from his face, replaced with a grim frown. His eyes narrowed knowingly—that wasn’t an Earthquake. 

The door swung open, startling the both of us, but it was only Aigonorus who was looking rather relieved to have laid eyes on me. But his attention quickly shifted to Huedhaut and he said, “Leo got really mad when Karno addressed him about how things are going. I think we only ended up making things worse. But Zyglavis is still waiting. We can take her to the Department of Punishments.”

Though I didn’t understand exactly what was going on, Huedhaut did. With a nod, he took my shaking hand in his as he guided me down the hall, Aigonorus trailing behind us. I gathered enough information to register that Leon was currently angrier than usual—something that I assumed spelled bad news for me, and more than likely the other gods. I could only pray that things wouldn’t escalate out of control.

“(Name)?” My head shot up at my name being called. Peering around Huedhaut’s shoulder, I found Ichthys and Dui waiting down the hall. Dui’s eyes were wide as he warily asked, “You’re not the one who made Leon this mad, are you?” 

Holding his arms out to me, Ichthys encouraged, “Don’t worry! We’ll take you somewhere safe! Karno’s going to take care of Leon just like he always does.” 

Hearing the promise in his voice, I couldn’t help but accept his offered hug. I hadn’t been able to see the punishments gods in forever thanks to my restrictions from Leon. It almost cured my anxiety to be able to wrap my arms loosely around someone who wasn’t Leon. “I missed you guys.”

Dui smiled at how relaxed I looked compared to a moment ago. He rubbed my shoulder. “It’s been quiet without you around. But we’re going to be able to relax once we’re in the Heavens, okay?”

Before I could get another thankful word out, my whole body shivered at the yell that came from down the hall. “(NAME)!” I couldn’t mistake it for anyone but Leon’s voice—however… there was some kind of demonic, powerful undertone to his voice. I had only heard him use that tone once in my life… I never wanted to hear it again. 

I flinched, getting shoved behind Dui. I cowered behind the two Punishment gods as Leon slowly approached from down the hall in his divine form. I knew Dui and Ichthys couldn’t handle Leon—Huedhaut and Aigonorus were there but none of them could possibly match Leon’s power. I had to consider that Huedhaut mentioned that Leon was stronger since he was preparing to become King. Thinking about Leon’s power, I mumbled, “Leo… your powers interfere with Earth’s-”

“With all I’ve been doing for you,” he interrupted me with a scowl, “You’ve wished for them to take you away from me this whole time! You’re an ungrateful little thing—an undisciplined little goldfish!” I couldn’t do anything as he raised his hand and snapped his fingers. However, Dui and Ichthys also snapped their fingers to keep Leon from stealing me away and I ended up cringing in pain, falling onto my hands and knees, struggling to regain my breath. Being caught between the powers of opposing gods was no joke. Leon scoffed at our pathetic display of defying him. “Is this what you wanted? Do you prefer to suffer?”

I shut my eyes, refusing to look at him. It was his fault any of this was happening. Why was he acting like this was such a big surprise? I shouted, “I didn’t want any of this! If you would have just acted like a normal boyfriend, then this wouldn’t have happened!”

“A normal boyfriend?” He asked it as if it were the most ridiculous thing he’d heard all day. “You knew from the beginning that you were dating a god. In fact, it was before that, wasn’t it? When I first saved you from falling off of that building.” He stepped closer, his threatening aura growing. “You were mine ever since you asked me to save you that day! It’s you who didn’t comprehend what it means to belong to a god.”

“Stay back,” Ichthys said, immediately stepping forward to protect me while I was in such a vulnerable position. 

With the help of Dui, I was able to sit up without wincing, but we immediately regretted it as Leon snapped again. “Don’t touch my goldfish!”

Gales of wind tore through the hall, sufficiently taking my breath away. I shut my eyes, covering my head protectively as I curled into myself. Leon’s power was always finely attuned to nature, but this was so strong it made me feel like I was falling rather than crouching on the floor.

I wasn’t aware of my surroundings anymore and I found myself begging, “L- Leo, please, stop it!” I shouldn’t have yelled, I realized. It was hard enough to breathe without me uselessly trying to shout at him. 

As soon as the wind stopped, I gasped for air, relieved that it was over. But Leon wasn’t done as I warily watched him approach me. We were both still for a moment before he said, “Don’t make me do this again.” His eyes were narrowed down at me. “Get up.” 

With my heart racing erratically, I didn’t hesitate to stumble back to my feet. “Leo-”

“Quiet.” He pursed his lips, looking me up and down. “It’s time. But I’m not leaving you here.” 

“Time… Time for what?” I genuinely didn’t understand what it could have been time for, but he didn’t hesitate to lift me into his arms to take me with him. 

He huffed, not sparing me a glance as he muttered, “I don’t have time to explain this. I’ll wake you when it’s over.”

He was going to snap his fingers, but feeling my hands upon his chest, he paused, regarding me curiously. I weakly demanded, “I want to know what’s going on. Don’t- Don’t do this to me. Don’t force me asleep.” 

The corners of his lips drew upward and a little tut of laughter escaped. “You’re pretty audacious for someone who just tried to run away with other gods. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.” Pressing his lips against my forehead, my vision faded until I fell limp in his arms. It wasn’t fair, I thought as my head rested against his shoulder.

***

Logically, I knew I was asleep. I didn’t feel like I had a physical form, but I could hear perfectly fine. Though, what I was hearing didn’t make sense. It sounded like the other gods…

They sounded worried about… Leon? What was he doing to them? Better yet, where was he? 

I tried turning my non-physical head, but my movements felt slow and muddled and I couldn’t see anything. Instead, I tried to call for attention, “Karno? Can… you hear me?”

Zyglavis’s sigh was heavy enough for me to make out as he relented, “Talking didn’t accomplish anything besides rushing the process… It’s almost complete. I despise neglecting heavenly sins, but we need to ensure the safety of the Earth and the Heavens above one goldfish.”

Ichthys sounded panicked at Zyglavis final decision. “We’re just going to let Leon have her?! We’re not even going to try and help?” When Zyglavis made a decision there was no going back; Ichthys knew better than that.

Karno added, sounding much more hopeful than the others, “At this point, Leon’s the King of the Heavens. There isn’t much we can do besides support her. If things go well, this arrangement could calm Leon down.”

Huedhuat sighed, but agreed with Karno’s logical reasoning. “I agree. We can’t change him by force. Working with him is in her best interest. We all understand what Leon’s powers can do.”

“Hue…” My voice cracked. I knew they couldn’t help me—especially now that it was too late. Leon’s transformation to King was already complete. I was trapped with him… Nothing was going to change. My only hope was the two departments, but they sounded like they were going to neglect the situation. Desperately, I called to them, “You’re all going to leave me?”

“I’m not going to leave you,” a voice echoed in my mind, calling me to it. “And you’re not going to leave me either.” Steadily, I was growing some sensation back in my body, though I still felt light. My body felt as though it were rocking back and forth with arms wrapped under me. When my eyes finally opened, I found that I was being carried. Leon held me tight against his chest as he walked through the palace. He was flanked by Teorus, Tauxolouve, and a few other palace gods that I didn’t recognize. My eyes trailed up, and I looked at Leon’s expression. He didn’t appear upset, but he didn’t necessarily seem too happy. His gaze shifted downwards and met mine. A slight smirk caught his lips. “You’re finally awake.”

I knew he was already King based on what the other gods had told me, but seeing the different stars in his eyes was… strange. Still, everything about the palace seemed too quiet for me. “What happened?”

Now, he was full-on grinning as he explained what happened, “Your friends decided they were going to try and take you from me. But now that I’m the King of the Heavens, they’ve finally come to their senses. Why are you asking me to repeat something you’ve already heard? They’ve accepted that you belong to me.” 

My throat tightened at the overwhelming thoughts that plagued me. I thought Leon was a problem before. Now he was a King with infinite Heavenly powers. I didn’t want to imagine the atrocities he could commit. 

Regardless, if he was King… what did that mean for everyone else? Didn’t that mean his position as Minister was over? The other gods would have to fill in—unless, of course, Leon decided to do away with all of that. There was no telling what he would do. But the only way to know was to ask. I looked up at him, hesitating at seeing his powerful eyes. “Leo… What happened to the other gods?”

He sighed, but I never received an answer. Was he ignoring me? I pouted indignantly. He was a pretty lousy King—though… I suppose his attitude wasn’t anything different from the way he was before. I wasn’t sure if that was a blessing or a curse.

A set of doors opened before us, and Leon carried me into the throne room where the rest of the Zodiac gods waited—that answered my question. No one said anything, though some of them had their worried eyes on me, making sure I was okay. 

Leon still said testingly, as if trying to gauge my reaction, “Do you understand yet? I’m the King of the Heavens. As such, the Heavens, the Earth, and everything in existence are mine.”

I didn’t like the way he staked his claim on the entire universe, but who was more powerful than him to say otherwise? This was just the beginning of things to come, but I knew it could only get worse. I recalled the words of the other gods: there was a slim chance things could get better. Still, I didn’t want to be Leon’s plaything while he was still trying to figure out his new position.

The gods seemed to know what was going through my mind, hence why they all avoided my pleading gaze. The only pair of eyes that met mine were Ichthys’, but he too was quick to look away. Of all the gods, I thought he—being one of my closest friends—would say something to help, but he only ignored me. “Ichthys,” I tried calling his name, but he didn’t respond. All he could do was lower his head as he stared at the floor. 

Leon glanced down at me with eyes that said he had done all he had set out to accomplish. “They take orders from me now, just like you. We won’t have a repeat of earlier.”

“I- I just-”

“Shut up.” He dropped me to my feet, barely allowing me to catch my footing. “I’ll deal with you later. Don’t think you’re getting away with what you tried to do.” He brushed past me, his cape skimming my shoulder as he moved to sit on his throne. 

But this was all too weird for me. The gods weren’t doing anything. Were they just going to stand there and accept this? A pit of fear welled up inside of me. Did he rewrite the universe like he wanted? “Leon… What did you do?” I had to know why no one was suddenly on my side. 

But Leon wasn’t answering me, and though the other gods weren’t about to help me or anything, Zyglavis had the decency to respond, “Leon was destined to be King from the moment he was brought into being. We may have neglected to inform you… but this transition of power has been occurring over the course of the past few weeks. Seated before you now is the new King of the Heavens, the God of Leo. As gods of the Zodiac, we are made to obey the word of our King.”

That was a whole lot of information that I mostly already knew. He wasn’t much help at all! I wanted to know what this was all supposed to mean for me. I wasn’t sure if I was more affected by being practically abandoned by my gods or being stuck with a tyrant like Leon, but my body shook, wanting to cry. “Why…” I didn’t know what question to ask. What could I ask without getting Leon angry? I really wanted to know why they chose to abandon me.

Leon tilted his head indifferently, and a few of the other gods glanced nervously at me. No one dared to ask the King why he does what he does… Just because they knew Leon, that didn’t mean they were going to start acting buddy-buddy with him as the new King—things were different now. 

But Leon seemed neither mad nor interested as he said, “You won’t understand that I did this because I love you more than anything this universe has to offer. You’ve been given to me in this world, and I plan on keeping you no matter what. Come here.” He was sitting upon his throne with his legs crossed, waiting for me to join him. However, his frown grew as seconds passed. “Don’t make me repeat myself.”

“No,” I daringly denied him, making the gods flinch. “You… You can say whatever you want, but this isn’t love, Leon! This is some… sick obsession. This is cruel and twisted.” My words fell on deaf ears. All my efforts to teach what love was were wasted on this egotistical and cruel god. He could never understand—I was convinced he didn’t want to understand. 

Only the others seemed to hear me, but I was revolted by the simple scolding I received from Karno, “(Name), you should listen. This will be better-”

“Better?” I interrupted. “This isn’t whatever you think it is!” I glared at them before fixing my glare back on Leon. He was the reason my gods abandoned me… They willingly sacrificed my freedom to Leon just so everyone else could be happy! They willingly pretended like Leon actually loved me… My eyes coldly struck him. “You’re heartless.”

I flinched as Leon snapped his fingers, and I found myself enveloped in his arms, straddling his lap in quite a lewd position considering everyone in the room watching. 

Leon leaned closer to where his nose was almost touching mine. His cold eyes stared into my wide, frightened ones. His smile was unsettling as he whispered just for me to hear, “Heartless? Maybe. You did manage to steal mine. Perhaps I should punish you for wrapping such a powerful God around your finger. But above all else, I’ll destroy everything and everyone to keep you with me, and I want you to carry the guilt of everyone that gets hurt and everyone that will die by my hand because of you.”

He whispered the last part in my ear, and I punched him. My fist struck his jaw with all the strength I could manage, as I strove to pull away from him. His godly grip on my waist kept me firmly on his lap despite my struggles. The other gods stirred for just a moment, panicked at my defiance. 

But Leon wasn’t doing anything but sitting there with an unpleasant scowl on his face as he listened to my venomous words, “You’re nothing like the Leo I loved! You’re more like a demon lord than any king of the Heavens! Let go of-” A startled yelp left my lips as his loosened grip left me slipping off of his lap and onto the floor.

I couldn’t decipher his emotions, but a blazing fire was in his eyes. My instincts told me to go, but his vice-like grip around my wrist was painful. The other gods weren’t going to help—their eyes were mainly averted at this point, not wanting to see what Leon might do to punish me for my behavior.

Leon sneered down at me. “If you can act out in front of these gods, then you can be punished in front of these gods. You’ll see I’m doing this for your own good.” 

I collapsed beside his feet at the sudden onslaught of pleasure that he sent coursing through my body. He made sure I wasn’t getting up as his opposite leg crossed in front of me. I hated him. I didn’t want him touching me, let alone making my body feel this way. A whimper escaped my lips, and immediately, I wanted to cry from how pathetic I sounded.

Knowing that Leon could do much worse than he was already doing made it register in my head that I was really nothing more than a weak human. What chance did I ever have against a god like him? My words and actions were nothing in the grand scheme of it all. The only hope I had was with the other gods, but even they weren’t enough at this point. Leon was too out of control, and I was such a small sacrifice to be made for the sake of the Heavens and Earth. 

“Your highness, that’s enough. You’re hurting her. She won’t be able to handle your powers for much longer,” Zyglavis spoke up for me, drawing my attention to him. He knew Leon’s powers were different as King and knew that I wouldn’t be able to handle it as a human. But… wasn’t he going to help me? Were they going to let Leon keep this up? 

Little sounds of discomfort escaped between my panting breaths. My head was spinning and I was finding it increasingly harder to breathe. All I could do was pray for it to be over. 

Zyglavis furrowed his eyebrows before finally raising his hand in reaction to my silent prayers. My heart leapt at the sight. Was I finally going to get some reprieve? I thought I was saved from Leon’s humiliating torture, but Leon stopped him with a threat, “I wouldn’t do that. You’re only going to hurt her. You wouldn’t want to hurt my goldfish.”

Right, I couldn’t help but think, only he was allowed to hurt me.

I let out a pained gasp as tears trailed down my cheeks. The entire situation was beyond degrading. I couldn’t believe this was happening in front of everyone I once trusted so dearly and by the man I once adored. Zyglavis did try to help me at least, but there was nothing he could do. They were helpless to help me—I realized that too.

Leon was keeping me weak by bringing me close to an orgasm with his powers, but he had to stop. He wouldn’t listen to the other gods, but… someone had to say something—to do something. Would he listen to me if I just asked nicely? “Leo…” My broken voice drew a smirk on his face and I hesitated to make my request. “Please, st- stop.” 

I knew he was likely to deny me, hence why I screwed my eyes shut, unwilling to look at my merciless tormentor. Still, I listened as he spoke, “As much as I love to hear your begging… I don’t think you’ve learned your lesson yet. I want to show you how much I love you… but that’s going to have to come later. You’ve angered me, (Name). Do you know what that means?” He watched as I shook my head, internally pleading for this to not get any worse than it already was. So, he took the liberty of explaining it to me, “This means… that you’re going to be punished until I’m satisfied. I’m going to have you craving my love before I give you the affection you want.” He paused and tilted his head. “That is what you want, isn’t it?”

Want? That wasn’t even close to what I wanted! I already told him what I wanted! “I don’t want anything from yo-ou- ah-” I slammed my mouth shut, trying to keep back the moan that threatened to spill out. Shit… I felt like I was overheating from the inside out.

“I don’t like your attitude.” His usual self-assured smirk finally found its way to his face as he finally released my hand, letting me crumple by his feet like a limp noodle. As weak as I was, I couldn’t lift myself up; but even Leon seemed to note my intention of putting distance between us as he taunted, “Go on. Try and escape me, foolish goldfish. They can’t save you.”

He was right. I’d never felt so helpless in front of anyone before. Why did it have to be the man I loved? If this were any other god tormenting me, Leon would be the one to do anything to save me. But, no… Leon was the devil that was putting me through hell. I shook, quiet sobs escaping. “This is- isn’t fa-air.” Why did it have to be Leo? 

The only one who could have possibly had a chance at saving me was my Leo. My Leo would never let anyone do something like this to me. Where did he go?

Leon peered down at me with cold eyes. “Are you still trying to defy me?”

“Shit,” Scorpio cursed, drawing my weary eyes to him. He was tired of how I was so cruelly treated—and in front of all of them. “The hell is this, you stupid lion?! Do you want to break the goldfish?!”

My eyes were wide at Scorpio’s language, but I wasn’t the only one surprised. Zyglavis was concerned about what Leon would do to his Vice Minister for stepping out of line, but things were too quiet. 

The tense silence made me wonder if Leon would really stoop as low as killing another god. As far as I knew, he wouldn’t hesitate to take drastic measures. “Please,” I tried to beg quietly. If there was even a hint of my Leon still there, he would listen to me, wouldn’t he? “Please stop.” At the very least, I couldn’t let him hurt the only people willing to help me. 

Leon hummed, his lips curling up as an idea struck him. That expression made me feel unsettled by whatever was going through his head. “I see. You’re not very good at hiding your thoughts from me. Don’t worry; I’m not going to kill any of them. It seems they’re better off being used as examples if you step out of line.”

“You…” I whimpered, feeling too pathetic to look at the other gods. I trained my gaze on the floor in front of me. Would I be the reason everyone suffers? “Why would you do that to them? That… That isn’t fair.” I pushed myself up, struggling to get a sound footing as my limbs were still very much like jelly. 

Leon sighed, gesturing for Teorus to help. “Teo, make sure she doesn't fall on her face.” He didn’t bother to answer me—of course, the answer was obvious even without a response from him. This was all just a way of keeping me under his control. As long as I cared about the other gods then they could be used against me. Besides, it was apparent that they would obey their king regardless of how cruel he was.

But feeling Teorus wrap his arms around me, my heart stuttered. Leon was willing to let another man touch me? Was it because Teorus was a Wishes god? Something told me that the Wishes gods were going to be the last ones to cross Leon. This meant that I could have been in equal danger with any of them.

Still, with whatever hope I had left, I looked at Teorus, silently pleading for help. He would only listen and obey Leon, I knew, but I had to try. “Teo…?” He stayed silent under the harsh gaze of Leon. Broken hearted, I asked, “Aren’t you going to say anything?!”

Awkwardly, Teorus refused to answer, doing his best not to meet my gaze. Leon appreciated how the other gods weren’t actively trying to cooperate with me. It was in their best interests to keep their emotional distance. The last thing he wanted was for me to start getting my hopes up and trying to leave him again.

Still brooding over what had happened, Leon ordered, “I don’t have time to deal with this right now. Teorus, give her a bath for me and then take her to my room. Make sure she's ready for me by tonight. I want to play with her later.”  

Now he was just thinking out loud, but why was he treating me like a dog?! Was I suddenly nothing more than a pet to him or was this whole charade part of my punishment? I was tempted to say something, but I had half a mind to keep silent for the sake of the other gods. I didn’t want to be the reason any of them suffered at his hand…

“Of course, your highness,” Teorus chirped as if he weren’t talking to a King. Maybe some of Leon’s relationships with the gods were the same as they used to be. In that case, Leon also knew that all of these gods had my best interest at heart, which is why he trusted Teorus to take care of such a personal matter. 

As soon as Teorus was lifting me off of my feet to carry me out of the room, I heard Leon call, “Minister ponytail, you’re a stickler for rules.” I desperately wanted to know what Leon wanted Zyglavis for, but Teorus wasn’t hesitating to leave with me.

Zyglavis took a deep breath and responded slowly, wondering where this was going. “I suppose so, your highness.”

With his head tilted, Leon gave a command, “Go with her. From now on, I want you to watch her when I’m not around. Do you understand your position?”

Zyglavis wasn’t sure what to think of this new task. He was the Minister of the Department of Punishments; he didn’t have time to be fooling around with Leon’s human. Pursing his lips, he took the opportunity to ask, “What of my position in the Department of Punishments?”

Leon waved his hand as if the question posed no importance. “I have important business to take care of today as King. I’ll wipe those dark gods out before they can even think of posing a threat to my goldfish. Afterwards… we can look further into what the two departments need to be doing. For now, it’s none of your concern. I’ve already told you what you need to be worrying about. Go on and keep an eye on my goldfish.”

“As you wish, your highness.” Bowing his head, Zyglavis turned to resume after Teorus. In any case, this leeway Leon was giving them was a good opportunity for them to check up on me and protect me. He wasn’t sure what might happen if Leon succeeded in wiping out the forces of darkness, but that was something to worry about at a later date. He had a goldfish to attend to. How degrading for a god…

***

The warm water I sat in wasn’t enough to brighten up my spirits. I sniffled, still trying to get over what Leon did. Teorus was kneeling on the side of the large tub with towels in his hands. He was at least nice enough and was trying to make me feel better about everything. “I’m sorry, (Name). We didn’t want to leave you with Leo. It’s just that… you know how he can be.” He hummed, trying to think up an example while he wiped my face clean of tears with a warm towel. “You remember that time the Heavens were going to either kill you or extinguish him? Yeah, this is kind of like that. Except… he’s King now… and… well…”

I sighed, my gaze falling back on the bubbling water as I interrupted him, “It all comes back to saving me or saving everything else in the universe.” Not meeting his eyes, I said quietly, “It’s just going to be hard accepting everything. Um… Can you give me a minute alone? Just to wash myself?”

I flinched as the bathroom door opened without warning and Zyglavis stepped in. Evidently, he heard my question as he answered, “I’m afraid I must now be present with you at all times.” Though, he didn’t look very pleased that he would have to stay with me at all times. I knew at a time like this in the Heavens Zyglavis had more on his plate to worry about than me. 

Teorus added after that, “Leo also told me to get you cleaned up for him. If you aren't as clean as he wants you to be then…” He trailed off, but the implications were clear. We’d both be in a lot of trouble. Still, he tried to cheerfully encourage, “Don’t worry about me touching you where you don’t want though. I’m just going to use my powers.”

Still, the thought that any little thing could make Leon lash out at them made me feel guilty. I would do my best to protect them, but… at this point, even I couldn’t anticipate what Leon would do. My presence put the gods in a rather tough place. “I- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“(Name),” Zyglavis interrupted me, looking as serious as ever, if not a bit more. “This is new for all of us, but make no mistake that we are trying to consider your best interest as well as the rest of humanity and the Heavens.”

“I know you can’t do anything… and I don’t want to be the reason any of you get hurt or worse.” I looked down, not willing to meet their eyes as I fiddled nervously with the bubbles that floated in the water. I did blame them for abandoning me, but I knew they already risked so much for me. It was really a miracle that Leon was letting them remain close to me. I couldn’t ask any more of them. “Thank you for trying.”

Zyglavis’s eyes softened as he replied, “As long as you understand the conditions we’re all under… I suppose we can’t ask more of you. Now, we should move along. I don't think it would be wise to linger until Leon comes to find you.”

***

“Fine then. You can stay in here until you’ve learned who you belong to. I won’t tolerate your disrespect.”

How long ago did Leon say that? How long had I been alone in my room with Zyglavis as my only visitor to keep me alive? I suppose it didn’t matter. Leon made it difficult to try and stay on his good side when all he ever threw out were degrading comments and harsh words. 

I didn’t see why Leon didn’t just tire of me. I wished this horrible situation would end. I wanted to go home—or somewhere safe. Anywhere far from the Heavens would do. At this point, the Underrealm was starting to sound appealing—if Leon hadn’t destroyed that too…

I shut my eyes for the sixth time that night, unable to sleep. Leon used to be my safe haven… until he changed. It wasn’t a sudden change, but I had to wonder if he would ever come back to me. “Leo…”

“(Name).”

My head snapped up and I sat up on the bed. The voice at the door didn’t belong to Leon or Zyglavis. “Scorpio?” I wasn’t allowed any visitors aside from Zyglavis or the occasional Wishes god fulfilling Leon’s commands. Having Scorpio there set off warning bells in my head. They were planning something. Was tonight the night I was saved?

“Shut up,” he snapped, shutting the door behind him as he walked in. “They’ll hear you. We have a plan to help you, but you need to help us first.” I nodded my head, intent on listening to his plan. But my eyes widened as he brandished a dagger and placed it on the nightstand. “We didn't want to… but we knew we wouldn’t be able to stop him if it came down to this. This will kill him.”

My hands began to quiver as I imagined the different scenarios running through my mind. There were so many ways this could go wrong. “I can’t-”

Scorpio’s hand flew over my mouth in an instant to silence me. “I said quiet, idiot!” He pulled back slightly, but only after he was certain I wasn’t going to scream again. “This will kill him. It will leave behind a mortal man. He’ll be human. It’s a chance for you. Can you do it?”

I held my breath before nodding my head. “Yeah. If there’s a chance to get my Leo back…” This was it. This was the opportunity I’d been waiting for. There was a chance to get the man I loved back.

“Good,” Scorpio smiled as though it were supposed to make me feel comfortable. Truth be told, he was just as relieved as I was to finally see an end to all of the tension everyone had been under. “You should rest now. You’ll need all the energy you can save for tomorrow. I’ll help you get an audience with that bastard.”

***

“Teorus!” Scorpio shouted, getting the attention of the Wishes god. Really, if I had any idea that this was his plan, I might not have gone along with it so easily. My head was spinning and I wasn’t even moving under the thick covers of the bed. “The stupid goldfish got herself sick.”

“Huh? Don’t worry, I can fix it.” Teorus smiled his princely smile as he followed the Punishments Vice Minister to the room where Zyglavis was hovering over me with furrowed eyebrows. Teorus blinked as he watched me let out a squeaky sneeze, burrowing further under the covers. “Oh… You mean that kind of sick…”

Sick my ass, I couldn’t help but stew to myself. Scorpio did this to me just before stuffing me under a pile of blankets with a dagger—not that anyone else could tell.

I looked up to Teorus with watery eyes as I wrapped myself further in the blanket. “Leo… I want my Leo.” That’s what this whole plan was for… As long as I stabbed that bastard I’d have my boyfriend back. I cringed as I let out another soul-shaking sneeze.

Teorus pouted at my condition. This wasn’t good… “I really will have to take you to Leon. I would be sad if you died and Leon would be heartbroken if you left him.” He lifted me into his arms before leaving Scorpio and Zyglavis behind to deal with sanitizing the room for when I returned. Teorus carried me all the way to the throne room where he waited for the two gods present to leave before he announced anxiously, “Leo, (Name)’s really sick. She wanted to see you.”

I choked out a whimper, shutting my eyes as I burrowed further into my blanket. By all means, I couldn’t let this plan fail. Weakly, I called out, “Leo…”

Leon looked at me as his eyebrows furrowed. Holding his arms out for me, he grunted. “Why didn’t you say something sooner? Give her here.” I refrained from shaking too badly as I was pulled onto Leon’s lap, my head landing on his chest. Handling me as if I were fragile glass, his hand met my forehead. “You really are sick. Tiresome little goldfish. Is this your way of begging for my attention after I’ve neglected you?” He sighed. This wasn’t how he really wanted to see me. How pathetic… How worrisome.

I leaned closer to him, seeking his warmth, but also biding my time to stab him. I hated the thought… but I had to go through with it. The only problem was that whatever Scorpio managed to do to me was really taking a toll on my weak body. I found myself unconsciously drifting off in Leon’s warm arms. He was suddenly so… so very comfortable.

It was only the sound of voices that finally roused me from my slumber. Thankfully, being in Leon’s powerful presence, I was given some reprieve from my illness and my mind was mission-ready. It was time to kill him. Right. Ah! But the dagger was- Where was it?! I subtly felt around, panicking slightly before I found it. I cut my hand on the sharp blade, but I managed to grab the handle. Now… all I had to do was wait for that god to leave… Well, first, I had to keep myself from dozing off again.

It took quite the effort to keep myself awake while hearing that god drone on and on about stuff I was sure Leon didn’t care about. Even when he was just minister of wishes, I doubted he would have cared about what this man was saying.

“You’re finally awake,” I jolted as Leon suddenly addressed me. “Are you feeling better?” 

I shook my head without saying anything. I couldn’t feel better knowing that I was about to stab the man I loved. But Leo would be back. He would be human, just like me. I could live with that sacrifice. I only hoped he could forgive me. 

Leon shook his head, not glancing at me as he muttered, “Humans are so weak. I’ll make sure you never become ill again.”

“Thank you,” I praised him quietly. 

“Did you have something you wanted to tell me?”

I flinched. Did something trigger him to ask that? No, there was no way he knew about the Department of Punishment’s plan. I finally shook my head. Hopefully, he wouldn’t press it. But I felt myself being lifted up by another pair of arms. 

“Take her back to my room for now, Teorus.”

Wait. I panicked. I was going back to Zyglavis so soon? But I didn’t even get the chance to stab Leon yet! I frantically pulled out of Teorus’s arms, almost falling forward. 

“(Name)!” 

Leon was in front of me in no time to catch me from falling on my face. With Leon less than an arm’s width away, I took the single opportunity I had and wrapped my arms around his torso before plunging the blade into his side, receiving a hiss from him. 

But I didn’t need to see his face… I didn’t even need to be a god to know something was wrong. Something was horribly wrong. He was too still. My face was pressed into Leon’s shoulder but the room was doused in unforgiving silence and I finally timidly asked, “Leo…?”

Leon’s laughter suddenly rang out through the throne room, thoroughly sending fear shooting straight through me. Why did he sound so entertained? There was nothing funny about this! 

“You’re so predictable, goldfish,” he taunted. “You truly believed I wouldn’t find your little knife after you fell asleep on my lap? I switched the blades to see if you were really stupid enough to try and kill me. You’re so naive and, well, human.” He let out a breath, finally done with his amused laughter. “I told you they would pay the price for your disobedience. However, I’m growing tired of them putting filthy ideas of betrayal in your head. I think I’m going to simply have to put a stop to this altogether. So, which one was it? What foolish god tried to defy me?”

My eyes widened and I took a step back as he stepped forward. My unfortunate mistake was that I didn’t know what was behind me. I fell back, stumbling down a small staircase and onto the hard floor. His footsteps grew closer again and I begged, “Leo… Leo, please, we can talk about this. This is all getting out of hand-” 

“You, a goldfish, are trying to lecture me about how things are supposed to be? You’re mine, goldfish, and you will be mine until all life comes to an end.” I shook with precedented fear the nearer he got to me, but my terror didn’t deter him. In fact, my fear encouraged him to draw closer until he was on top of me. The look in his eyes frightened me as if he could see straight through me. Though, he was the King so I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually could. “It was that scorpion, wasn’t it? It’s fine if you don’t tell me. The entire Department of Punishments needs to be fixed. Come here.” He snapped his fingers, though nothing immediately happened. 

I didn’t have the time or the energy to back away, but I was left looking up at him as I could finally see just how terrifying the situation was. “Leo-” He grabbed my arm, his hands keeping me in a bruising hold. “Ah- W- Wait! That hurts!” 

“Shut up. I haven’t even begun to show you pain.” He paused, noticing his white uniform which was now red. His shoulders dropped. He may have been stabbed but it wasn’t fatal and he wasn’t bleeding. “Foolish goldfish… you hurt yourself.” 

What did he care? His attitude changed so quickly and his grip loosened around me. My eyes widened as he pulled me back to his throne and onto his lap, disregarding the sound of the door opening. 

The gentle way he was treating me… it was almost like Leon was normal again. His hands were gentle, unlike the way he was manhandling me just a minute ago. He pulled my hand up to his face and traced his tongue over the faintly bleeding cut. My face immediately turned hot in embarrassment. “L- Leo!” His eyes moved up to meet mine and a gentle smile spread across his face that made my heart pitter patter in a nostalgic beat.

However, we were interrupted by the clearing of someone’s throat. I paused and turned my head to find the Department of Punishments standing there, some of them had dark expressions—expressions that told me I’d never be forgiven for this. 

I looked away, too ashamed to face them after I’d failed something so simple a monkey could have done it. Surely they’d resent me… especially after Leon was done with them.

But glancing back to Leon to gauge his expression made my heart sink in fear. His expression was cold and deadly. There was no doubt that he was ready to kill any of them at a moment’s notice. However, I wasn’t expecting the next words to come out of his mouth, “My goldfish was injured.” Why was that important at a time like this? His anger didn’t seem relatively placed on me, so why was I suddenly the center of attention? I got my answer soon enough as Leon continued with his sour frown, “I told you that harming my goldfish was intolerable. Not only did you harm my (Name), but you also plotted to use her against me. You can imagine that I won’t take this particular betrayal lightly.”

His arm tightened around me to the point where I could hardly move against his chest. He seemed so fiercely protective of me. But this would come at a price. Was he going to do something horrible to the gods? Trying to ease their punishment, I said quietly, “Leo… they didn’t mean to… They were just trying to help you. They-”

“Shut up.” The low growl in my ear was enough to send shivers down my spine. “I didn’t ask you for excuses. I wonder what lies they could have told you to make you so compliant. Because in your right mind, I know you wouldn’t mean to stab me.” I pulled back slightly in confusion, but I couldn’t move far in his arms. “I’m your omnipotent god, after all. Just be good and sit still for me. You can apologize later.”

I was going to avoid punishment by simply having to apologize later, but nothing I could do or say would get the Department of Punishments out of Leon’s wrath. Glancing back at the gods, I met Dui’s gaze and heard his reassuring voice in my head, “(Name), don’t worry about us, please. We don’t blame you for this, you’re just a goldfish. Just go along with him and say we manipulated you while you can still get out of trouble.”

“What’s this?” My cheeks were squished together between Leon’s fingers as he dragged my gaze back to him. But his eyes were flickering between me and Dui knowingly. “Oh-ho… You’re awfully bold. Not only do you use my goldfish to try and kill me, but now… now you’re talking to her behind my back? Listen here, you split-personality freak, I’m entirely fed up with the Department of Punishments, but-” He inhaled sharply, his blue eyes were narrowed and wild. “But you’ve run my patience. What were you telling her? Were you telling her to run? Were you encouraging her to betray me again?”

The room was shrouded in tense silence and Dui refused to look up from the spot he was staring at on the floor. The only noise heard was my small voice, arguing against Leon’s words, “He wasn’t. He was… just telling me to listen to you. We messed up. Making me do that was a mistake.”

“Indeed it was,” he hissed, his head tilting up as he stared down at me. “One that will be paid for dearly.”

“Don’t kill them!” I shouted, startling everyone present. The punishment gods didn’t think I was so passionate about whether they lived or died. Leon, on the other hand, was annoyed that I had this much energy to spare for those traitors. “Please,” I added quietly.

He scoffed, his head tilting to the right as he displayed his disinterest. “I shouldn’t kill them? Did you have that same thought in your head when you were obediently stabbing me for them?”

“I- I wasn’t going to kill you,” I argued, my limbs shaking as I stared down at my hand that had dried blood smeared all over it. “I was fighting to get the person I love back…” 

Leon still wasn’t exactly sure what was going on in my head, but he didn’t have time for it. He had a punishment to get along. Still, the longer he looked at me with blood stains on my shirt, the more tense his chest felt. His fingers gently caressed my cheek as he called for Huedhaut to come. Gazing into my eyes, Leon whispered, “He’s here. Now… go. I have business to take care of.” Returning his attention to the approaching god of Aquarius, he gestured to me. “Hue, take her.”

Huedhaut gently took my arm, guiding me out of the room, but my attention was solely on the punishments department as they faced the temperamental Leon. “Wait,” I shouted, despite how Huedhaut refused to let me rush back to the throne. “Don’t kill them! Leon!” 

Leon sighed, glancing in my direction before snapping his fingers again. In an instant, Huedhaut and I were in Leon’s room. I was panicked at the sudden change in scenery, but Huedhaut was fine as he tried to calm me down by tracing his cold fingers over my forehead. “You’re going to be okay, (Name). Calm down for me. You’re going to worry Leon.”

“But what about Zyglavis and the others?!”

“Shh,” he hushed me, leading me to sit on Leon’s bed—not that I was any calmer sitting down. Though, my eagerness to return to the throne room only seemed to trigger him as well as he hissed, “What were you thinking, trying to kill a god?” He sighed, knowing he couldn’t truly blame me for what happened. “You’re a human. You shouldn’t have gotten dragged into this mess. We should be taking better care of you.”

“Huedhaut,” I repeated, trying to get a real answer out of him. “What’s he going to do to the other gods?” 

His hand rested gently on my cheek as he made me look at him. “Everything’s okay. No one’s going to die. Leon’s going to take better care of you and he’s not going to do anything to the gods. Okay?” I wasn’t sure that I could entirely trust his words… but at least I knew he wasn’t going to kill them. Reluctantly, I nodded my head and he gave me a smile. “Good. You should probably sleep after what you just went through. You need rest. He’ll probably come straight to see you when he’s ready.” 

Huedhaut took his time getting me ready for bed and was exceedingly careful when wrapping the cut that trailed across my palm. Things were quiet between us in Leon’s room and it only made my longing for my Leo grow stronger. 

Quietly, I divulged my feelings to Huedhaut, “Earlier—back when it was just me and him in the throne room—Leo… had a look in his eyes. He looked normal. He looked like my Leo.” Huedhaut turned his head to regard me curiously and I added in a whisper, “Those eyes were my Leo… I miss him.”

Huedhaut’s eyebrows furrowed together. He knew that either one of two things was happening. Either Leon was stabilizing to an almost normal state now that he had me to himself, or I was beginning to suffer from a human illness. But he couldn’t completely push aside the idea of Leon getting better out of his mind. He offered me an encouraging smile. “That’s good (Name). Maybe our efforts aren’t for nothing. Maybe one day we’ll have Leo back.”

Maybe one day I’d have Leo back. It was the only thing I could wish for. I wanted Leo. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to see that look in his eyes again. That thought flooded my mind as Huedhaut tucked me into bed and left me alone in the room to rest. 

One thing that swarmed in my head, however, was how I found that little piece of Leo in that Kingly bastard. My fingers rubbed across the bandages on my hand. Seeing me injured made him feel protective of me… but not his usual over-protectiveness that I’d become accustomed to. He was lovingly protective in that moment. How could I bring back that Leo without needing to get hurt? Or… was that the only option left to me?

***

Over the course of a month since the incident, I was growing accustomed to Leon being careful and catering to me. Of course, that didn’t stop him from being as egotistical and cocky as he had become since his ascension to King. I hated that Kingly side of him. Things would have been just fine if he had never come into possession of this new power. 

Things might’ve been fine if I hadn’t screwed up the simplest task from the Department of Punishments.

The difference between Leon as a King and Leon as my boyfriend was especially obvious. It was only exemplified by the fact that I was no longer permitted to see any of the other gods because of what they had tried to pull with me last time. Still, we had gotten so close to getting Leon back… I wasn’t going to give up.

Staring out of the window of my room, my gaze flickered to the scars that littered my arms with a depressed sigh. Any injuries or blood that came from me was the only thing that seemed to bring Leon back, even if only for a moment. I hated that this seemed to be the only nonpermanent solution to my problem. If anything, I was just creating a new problem entirely. 

Desperate for Leo’s return, however, the red lines that littered my arms and legs only seemed to grow in number the longer I waited—too anxious to do anything really useful.

Leon was supposed to visit me today, I remembered. He’d been seeing me more often since the incident where I stabbed him, but he wasn’t much better. That only put more resolve in my harmful solution…

Retreating back to the bathroom, I glanced at the counter where the dismantled razor sat. How much would I have to do to get him back? How far would this have to go? He hated when the Department of Punishments was the reason I ended up cutting myself with that dagger. This time… it was his fault and I would make sure he knew that. 

Frustrated, I grabbed the blade from the counter, hissing as it dug into my fingers. Droplets of blood beaded from the small injuries. But it was my only choice now… my only option to save Leon… 

Tears welled in my angry eyes as I brought the blade down to my damaged skin.

***

Ever since that moment where Leon saw my blood taint my hand and his jacket, he had a sinking feeling in his stomach. It wasn’t often he got bad feelings like this. After all, he usually had excellent control over most situations regarding me. Of course, he couldn’t always control the stupidity of a feeble-minded goldfish. But for the most part, he had everything under control.

So, why now? Why did he feel like he made a huge mistake? He was Leon. He was the King of the Heavens. He wasn’t capable of making mistakes. He couldn’t afford any mistakes—not when it came to me, anyway. 

But I was being incredibly stupid—more so than usual. He didn’t like the silence he was met with upon entering his room. It was far too quiet. I was far too quiet. No, worse than that… Where had I gone? 

Leon should have known something was amiss when he hadn’t immediately seen me upon entering his room. And maybe he did, but despite the way his heart sank, he tried to convince himself that I was fine, that I hadn’t completely and entirely f*cked up. 

His eyes lingered on the bathroom door and immediately, that was where he searched first. As expected, the heart-stopping, fearful feeling only grew more intense as he laid eyes on that same red color that he loathed to see.

He didn’t have time.

Leon didn’t pause or hesitate as he lifted his hand to snap his fingers.

***

Logically… this was intentional. By all means, I had done this myself in the hopes that resorting to self-harm would bring my Leo back, just as it had that one day. Why did I have to over-do it? All I did was screw up so majorly that trying to cover up the open wounds was an utter failure. Leon was horrified to see me bleeding out on the floor. 

But was it too late? 

I certainly thought so. I hadn’t been on the bathroom floor long before Leon showed up. But the blood was still just as horrendous to look at as if it had been there for several hours or days. 

So much time had passed that I was convinced I was going to die alone on the bathroom floor without being able to see Leo again. 

I was on the very cusp of losing consciousness when I heard a faint snap. It could have been my imagination acting up—some kind of false hope of thinking I might actually survive this accidental suicide that I’d gotten myself into. But hope faded quickly with my consciousness as I drifted off, convinced that these were going to be my last conscious thoughts. 

***

The sun… felt so warm. But, damn, it was so bright. 

I winced as my eyes flickered open, glancing around the quiet room. For the first time in months, I opened my eyes, my confused gaze flickering around Leon’s warmly-lit room. Leon had a short fuse when it came to me and my mouth, deciding it would be better for us to have separate rooms unless he wanted to see me. 

This situation was strange. While waking up in Leon’s room by itself wasn’t entirely strange, the fact that Leon wasn’t there at all was strange. Moments like these, I’d be alone in my room. 

This only made me come to the conclusion that I was probably locked in his room until he returned—something I probably deserved for what I had done. 

Glancing down at my arms, my eyes widened. That wasn’t normal… Usually they’d bandage or wrap whatever injuries I had. I wasn’t used to them completely healing me. Did they? I mean, there weren’t any scars leftover on my arms. That was the only logical conclusion I could jump to. 

But now that I was awake and well again, I was restless for answers. Otherwise, this gut feeling wouldn’t leave me alone.

Crawling out of the soft bed, I wandered over to the door, curiously testing the handle. Surprised that it wasn’t locked, I peered outside, being faced with Zyglavis who spoke, “You’re awake. Are you feeling hungry? You slept late today. How are you feeling?”

Passing my fingers through my bed-ruffled hair, I responded quietly, “I’m okay. Just… a little confused.”

Zyglavis sighed. “I see. Humans can be disoriented when they first wake. Please, take your time. Here, why don’t you return to your room? Partheno and Tauxolouve will be here shortly to help you get ready.” 

Despite how confused I was, I didn’t argue or fight as he ushered me back into Leon’s room. Well, he called it my room too. Did Leon change his mind about keeping us separated? I was feeling anxious about potentially seeing Leon again. I was scared of what he might say. 

Though, my fears and anxieties might have been a little unfounded. I was certain that one of the gods would lecture me, give me pitiful looks, anything to make me feel pathetic and guilty. But they didn’t. In fact, they never mentioned anything about the incident. 

Partheno and Tauxolouve completely glossed over the subject as they bathed me, putting me in an elegant dress that was very much in the style of the Heavens. No… it was probably Leon that picked this dress. There was no way he would allow for someone like the perverted Partheno or flirtatious Tauxolouve to pick an outfit for me to wear.

But without even having to see the whole pantheon of Zodiacs, I could tell they were different. My Zodiacs weren’t as energetic with me as usual. They were suspiciously calm and respectful as if I were royalty—just like they treated Leon. But they weren’t afraid of me like they were with Leon, and they weren’t angry with me for anything that happened. 

Looking up at Zyglavis as we walked through the hall, him leading me to where Leon was. He wasn’t looking at me either—a move reserved for how he used to treat the King, someone above him.

Or maybe this was different. Maybe they were treating me like this because of what I did. They were treating me like the fragile human that I was. I just wanted them to treat me like they used to and speak to me like they used to.

Things were tense and quiet as he led me to the throne room where Leon was, discussing matters with different gods. However, upon seeing me, he was quick to clear the room, leaving us alone.

Standing just below the stairs of his throne, I felt his eyes piercing into me. For a moment, it was way too long and way too tense.

 Pursing my lips, I wondered if maybe he was waiting for an apology for my mistake. But all I wanted to do was bring Leo back. I couldn’t even do that much. All I accomplished was nearly killing myself. If anything, I was sorry I couldn’t help him. Quietly, my voice broke the silence of the room, “I’m sorry for failing you, Leo…”

“You’re sorry for failing me?” Leon repeated. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “You might have slept in late, but since when is that something to worry about? I’ve never been one to throw a fit over how long you decide to sleep. I know you goldfish grow tired easily.”

Seeing him like this surprised me. This… This was more like the Leon that I remembered. Despite how I previously saw him talking down on the other gods just as I was walking in, as well as how he was still having Zyglavis and the other Zodiac gods tending to me, he was still far more considerate than before.

Still, I needed his reassurances that he wasn’t upset with me. I didn’t believe that he was okay with what happened. After all, I was sure he was the one who found me that night. He had to have been pretending that it was fine. “Are you sure…?” I timidly asked, “Everything’s just… okay?”

Tilting his head in question, he asked, “Is it not? Is there something else you require to be comfortable here?” My heart jumped as he approached me slowly. Staring up at him with wide eyes, he wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him as he reassured, “There’s nothing we can’t provide you, should you want it.” 

Confused, I nodded my head, suddenly flustered. “I- I think I’m okay. I’m sorry for worrying you.” 

“I’m your King, your God of Leo. It’s my job to worry over you,” he assured me with a smile as he gently reached up to caress my cheek. His fingers brushed tenderly against my skin as if I were the most precious thing in the universe to him. “As long as you’re okay. That’s all I’m worried about.” 

***

He was so soft, so gentle. 

Leon was being so… Leo. 

But truth be told, I was scared by how perfect everything was. Leon was being so catering and caring—especially regarding my human side. Well, all except allowing me to return to Earth. I had never dared to bring up the subject since before I had stabbed him. It was a taboo subject and I was afraid Leon might revert back to the way he was before if I mentioned it. 

After all, he had even begun to let me speak with the other gods again. The only depressing part was that all of the Zodiac gods treated me as though I were some kind of superior being—despite how they treated me like a fragile doll. 

Despite the delicate way the gods handled me and spoke with me, it was what I wanted. Wasn’t it? I had Leo back, as far as I was concerned. But… something this perfect couldn’t be real, could it? Usually the saying of “if it’s too good to be true, then it probably is” held water. I mean, sure I almost died, but did that really call for such an intense personality change between Leon and the other gods?

Or… I almost died.

What if I did die? This must’ve been my Heaven, wasn’t it? Having the person I love and adore be with me and having him love and care for me so genuinely in return. I was sure I must have died. 

Alone in Leon’s room, I was sure I was about to trigger an existential crisis if not for the door opening at the ideal moment. My eyes flickered to the door that shut behind Leon who had walked in, his eyes flickering to me in turn. 

“You’re still awake,” he commented, coming up behind me beside the window as his gaze flickered to the setting sun outside. “Were you waiting for me?”

With a slight shrug, I nodded uncertainty. I wasn’t sure how I wanted to have this conversation. How could I tell him that I was questioning reality and existence? Well, maybe it would make more sense to a god. Maybe he’d be able to make me feel better. After all, he’d been pretty good at that lately. 

“Leo,” I started, trying to be honest with him while we were in the privacy of our room. “I- I’m scared.”

“Is someone threatening you?” Leon immediately questioned, having his guard up as his eyes hardened. Gripping my shoulders as gently as he could manage in his tense state, he leaned back to look me in the eyes. Now he looked angry… just like a wrathful King of the Heavens. “Who is it? They won’t get away with it.” 

“That- That isn’t it,” I quickly argued, and my timid words glued his confused attention back to me. He didn’t understand why I was so scared. I could only imagine the assumptions jumping through his mind. 

He was probably assuming that I had a nightmare, or was just overthinking the way that anxious humans do when they’re isolated in silence with nothing to occupy their minds. Which, that could have been part of the problem. But regardless of that, I still had a problem that needed fixing. 

The uncertainty in my eyes screamed out at Leon and he reassuringly spoke, “Talk to me.” 

Pursing my lips, I wasn’t sure how to start without triggering him. So, I started with a different question, desperately needing to hear his answer, “Can I… talk to you about anything?”

“Anything, love,” he instantly agreed, pulling me beside him into his bed. His hands rested on my hips as he ushered me to lay atop his chest as he reclined in his bed. Without too many words, he was trying to make sure I was as comfortable as possible while I was going over something that was clearly emotionally taxing. 

So, with his gentle comfort and reassurances, I started slowly, “The other day when I woke up… I was confused. Everyone’s been acting differently from how I remember.” I paused, uncertain of how I wanted to phrase the next part of my explanation. “I don’t know if you did something to them to change them, but I’m different too.” 

Glancing up at him I noticed the way his eyebrows furrowed, making me think he was confused about what I was saying. My theory was only further validated as he mumbled to himself, “I see…”

Did he know what I was talking about at all? Or was he responsible? Taking a deep breath, I revealed the root of the problem, “I’m- I was supposed to wake up with scars all over my arms! My legs! I was- I was-” I faltered, almost exasperated. “Is this actually Heaven? Did I die?”

His gentle fingers padded through my hair. I fell quiet from my loud ranting as I waited for his answer. “Do you honestly think I would let you die so easily?” His question made my breath catch in my throat as his grip tightened around me, holding my waist closer to him. “But since you’re being so open with me… tell me,” he whispered, his voice almost too hoarse to hear, “Why would you have scars all over your arms? Why did you try to die?”

His phrasing confused me, but I answered to the best of my ability regardless. It was time I told him the full unadulterated truth about what was going on. “There was that fight we had… and I got hurt. When I got hurt, you started acting like you cared about me,” I tried to look up and gauge his expression, but he kept me held against his chest. “But, no- It wasn’t acting. You seemed like you genuinely cared about me. You were more like the Leo I loved. So… I thought that if I were so injured that you’d keep caring about me.” I lowered my gaze, almost as if I were guilty for what I had done. Almost… “You were just so cruel before! I just wanted you back, Leo! But now…” my voice cracked. “Everything’s different, and I don’t know what to think.” My eyes flickered back up as I tried to put some space between us, imploring his eyes for an answer. “Leo… do you think I died? You’ve been so kind. This world seems too good to be true.”

“You honestly think I’d have the gall to let you die? You belong to me, and I wouldn’t allow that to chance,” Leon answered with the barest hint of hesitation. He was fully prepared to give me this answer. His nose nuzzled into my hair as he whispered, “You didn’t die because I didn't let you. I told you I would change existence in a heartbeat if it meant staying forever with you. Regardless of what happens or what kind of stupid human trouble you cause… I’ll change the fabric of space and time to keep you by my side. I’ll restart the universe for you.” 

I stared down at his chest as he held me closer to him. I wasn’t sure what more to say to him; I was terrified. The one thing that I didn’t want actually came to fruition because I almost died—or maybe I did die, Leon just negated that event. No wonder this world was so perfect around the two of us; it was tailor made by yours truly. “Then…” I started slowly, “You did it… You did what they told you not to do.”

“Don’t get cold feet now. You’ve been so good for me this time. Was my honesty too much for you?” He could feel my trembling. He knew the answer was yes, but he knew that I was right back to being afraid of him.

“Leo-”

“Regardless of how many times I need to reset the universe for you, if you even think about trying to end your damn life with me… I’ll make you regret it next time. Or, since you’re feeling honest, let me know if you’re feeling suicidal so I can take care of it ahead of time.” He paused to listen, but getting no response, he whispered, “If you don’t say anything, I’ll have to take that as a yes. I can’t take any chances with you.” 

“I- I’m not,” I stuttered. Though, my stuttering made my assurance sound considerably weak. Thankfully, however, he looked like he believed me as I continued, “I’m not. I won’t-” I wanted to say that I wouldn’t kill myself, but that last time had been a mistake too. 

He grabbed my chin suddenly, pulling my face up to meet his. He liked the way those tears glistened in my eyes. “Promise.”

“I won’t leave. I promise. Please,” my voice cracked as my hands desperately wrapped around his wrist. “Please, just stay with me. I just wanted my Leo back. Just stay with me Leo. Please…”

My begging was enticing, and it was just what he was looking for. Still, he silenced me as his lips pressed hungrily against mine. “I’m not going anywhere that doesn’t have you. I won’t exist in a single world or single universe without you. I’ll have you for eternity.” And that was a promise from the King of the Heavens and beyond.

[zombiecicada]

The People Have Spoken.

But don’t worry, I can do a DTIYS for the next milestone, if I reach 100 followers!

But for now, here is the event:

Submit theories, head canons, or guesses you have about the characters or lore shown thus far about the Wolfbell AU.

Rules:

-You can submit as many as you want. There is no limit to how many entries you can submit, your only cap is your own imagination. You have my permission to explode my inbox. Is there a limit to the inbox? I would like to test this theory. Please specify if your submissions into my inbox are asks for the Kirby Oc Tourney or for the 50 Followers Event I am an easily confused creature. Alternatively, you can make an actual post with your submission, but be sure to tag me so I can see it and specify that it’s for the event in the post.

-They do not have to be about Wolfbell (the character) specifically! Feel free to take a stab at some of the other characters within the universe or simply the lore and story itself. As long as it’s relevant to the overall AU, it counts.

-These theories/head canons can be as simple or as complex as you want them to be. Fully and completely encourage walls of dialogue and text and in depth analysis. ‘Haha I think character likes *x* or *y*’ and that’s the theory is just as valid. Just know, I’m a sucker for a good long lore dump and it is my weakness.

-Submissions can be serious or silly, it’s both serious but I also want to hear your unhinged hot takes.

-Please keep it fairly SFW. That being said as the Wolfbell AU is more on the NSFW side covering darker themes, I will allow such, within reason. If you’re uncertain feel free to ask me.

-If you submit entries in my ask box you need to not be an anon because I can’t declare you the winner if I don’t know who you are.

-Feel free to include little doodles and illustrations for your submissions, however this is not required! You can also include your own ocs interacting with mine or interacting in some way to make it more fun.

-If two people submit the same exact ‘correct answer’, I will go with the one I feel best explained or conveyed the theory and or head canon. Again, I’m personally biased for blocks of text.

-While there are multiple ways to win, you cannot ‘win twice’, if you submit more than one ‘correct answer’ and make it to the top three you’ll still only win once and two other people will still be other winners. The ‘winning answer’ will simply be the one I liked most and any additional ‘correct answers’ will simply earn you bonus doodles. In the total there’s gonna be six winners, three ‘most correct answers’ and three ‘most incorrect answers’, along with several little bonus winners where I was amused and entertained.

-If you submit an answer and it’s spot on and you crack the lore, obviously for spoiler purposes the submission will be handled differently. But there will be bonus ducks.

What will happen:

Gonna let this contest go on for a week! By the end of the week, I will go through all of the submissions and I will slap them all on a ‘iceberg’, with the most unhinged and non canon answers in the void and the closest to canon answers on the surface!

The top three at the tip top of the iceberg and the bottom most three will get a prize! A full body coloured render of their Kirby oc (or if you don’t have a Kirby oc/don’t want it to be a Kirby oc we can discuss that but yeah, prizes!) if you ‘win more than once’ by submitting multiple ‘correct answers’ you’ll simply get funny little bonus sketches of your characters.

Any questions or concerns, please DM me here on tumblr or on my discord.

Event will end at midnight Pacific Time on Sunday June 23rd.

[citrus-sailead]

Welcome To My Blog

First things first, Hi, I'm Magnus! Please keep all hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times, ensure that your seat belt is fastened correctly and prepare yourself for the wonderful nosedive into the horrendous world of Literally Everything Ever. I'm not your mommy. I will not censor myself for you. I'm happy to keep things chill, sfw, etc but I am not going to cater to you. It is your job to police your internet usage, not everyone else's. You're on Tumblr, be responsible, you're a Big Kid so Act Like It.

TL;DR

⊹ ʚ🍊ɞ ACCOUNT … | ⟡ name ⇾ Magnus | ⟡ age ⇾ adult | ⟡ system ⇾ introject heavy | ⟡ I am a the they/them Donald Trump warned you about

Cool! I'm Magnus, I use he/they pronouns. I'm a person with DID. I don't owe you their names or how many I share this clown car of a body with. We, however, will not be using emoji sign offs. We have names, you can deal with it.

I love correcting DID misinformation!!! Please ask me any questions you may have; I love answering them! I'm fairly open minded about most things but that needs to be mutual! If you're coming to me with questions and are looking for a specific answer and are not willing to hear if I answer otherwise, simply don't ask! My stances and experiences are mine to share as I please, but if you don't like what I have to say, that's on you. If you want resources, I would like to introduce you to my friend Marco. I love them and she has a bunch of cool resources. Now if you call me a slur, I will just laugh at you and the screenshot is going in a groupchat full of my friends, in true college fashion.

I am essentially your friendly neighborhood Spiderman and your fhacked up Moon Knight Buddy only I am Not Peter Parker or Marc Spector, and I am actually just very mean to people who fake disorders. If you do that, I will actually be hitting you over the head with the DSM-5 and walking away. I have a block button, and I love to use it. oooooo shiny red button.

BEFORE YOU INTERACT!!! I am generally pretty reasonable, I would think! I am a big pusher of internet safety. I'm happy to censor myself about the standard stuff and in conversation but I'm not going to sit with the super absurd or super petty. If you're going to ping someone in a discord server to remove an emoji reaction as common as a thumbs up emoji, there are some problems, and you need to remove yourself from a situation. I don't talk about anything gruesome or horrendous very often but if I do, you are not obligated to read it!! Be safe!!!

No DNI because I'm a Big Boy and you are too. However! If you're big on any of the following, I advise you to not interact or just block me! I promise you won't hurt my feelings and I'm not budging on these! Womp womp, sweetie.

♥︎ Endos, Tuplas or any of you who think systems aren't disordered! Please go check out the DSM-5, Hospital Resources or just get back into kinning, I'd love to read your kinlist instead. If you've been tricked into bad theories by endos and the super common misinformation, I don't blame you, but keep that shit away from me if you're going to perpetuate it!

♥︎ TERFs! Sit back down JKR, there's black mold on your walls. Women's rights are awesome, don't put others down for it. You don't need to do that.

♥︎ If you think binary or cis men can be lesbians [WRONG BUZZER] AND/OR if you think binary or cis women can be mlm [WRONG BUZZER]

♥︎ If you think 'cis' is a slur! Its just a latin prefix bb, go back to third grade please. You need a literacy lesson.

♥︎ If you take ships too seriously. They're just silly little characters, pookie, no need to be angry if I don't ship them too.

♥︎ If you're super pushy about Kpop groups!! I love Kpop too bestie but there is No Need for there to be fights over stanning groups or people. I agree, they're awesome, but they are Real People and they See What You Say. There is no need to throw hands if I don't stan Stray Kids, Han Jisung is pretty, I know.

♥︎ Systems who think systems deserve special treatment just for the sake of it. I love pk, don't get me wrong, but you don't need it in every server you're in. Singlets don't know we exist sometimes, there is no need to get angry when they ask "why is there an application talking?" be patient. You're a big kid, you can mask or be polite when people are asking questions.

♥︎ People who refuse to genuinely debate their opinions. (Disclaimer: opinions do not equate to 'x,y,z people don't deserve rights'. Thats just bigotry) You are a coward. History will forget you and your name will be lost to time as the world spins. You will be nothing but a headstone that crumples in a heavy storm.

♥︎ NSFW in my notifs? Blocked. Womp womp, I couldn't care less about seeing it on Tumblr, I've seen The Horrors of the Hellsite TM, but I don't need that in my notifs.

♥︎ Use common sense. It's not that hard, It's incredibly easy actually! And free!

My Inbox / Askbox? Open! Feel free to send me the sillies, questions, etc. I am happy to infodump and chat, fresh perspective is always fun.

[acorpsecalledcorva]

Definitely something that struck home for me about Sar and Ozturk s Theory of the Functional Dissociation of the Self is the idea of how a 'Sociological Self' develops in absence of it's connection to the 'Psychological Self'. In fact, my final year uni project was on this very subject (I just didn't realise it at the time) on how it relates to gender, i.e. I know what my gender identity is, but where did my definition of what that identity means come from? Why do some aspects of gender feel right to me and others feel wrong?

And this extends from a much more holistic sense of who the fuck is us? Who am I? Really? At my core, what is really there that is me? What of me is truly mine? Because I've never even felt like a real person, let alone a whole person. I'm a facsimile of a person. A simulacrum in the simulation that is the world I experience.

And discovering that I was a system didn't really help with that either, am I the sum of my parts? Am I a teenage girl and a child and a vampire and a wolf and a cat boy and a 16th century Norwegian witch and a dead girl from Belgium and a crow monster and my father and my mother and my ex fiancee and so many other unique and incompatible identities? I can't be. Because they're very much not me. In fact on a very fundamental level they must not be me, that's the whole purpose of their existence, to be not me.

The way that Sar and Ozturk phrase it is that, under the pressure of an environment filled with insurmountable stresses that can't be overcome, the 'psychological self' is buried and hidden away to protect it. The 'Sociological Self' must therefore not only develop without it, but make up for it's absence. By avoiding the internal, it must rely on the external to inform it. If the immediate external environment is too harsh, which, of course it is, then it must expand it's scope beyond to wider culture and failing that, the fictional (not that culture is anything more than the fictions we collectively tell ourselves but you know what I mean). Rejected by the host, the 'Psychological Self' attempts to reach out to the world by creating new 'Sociological Selves', using the vision of the world internalised by the host as templates on how and who to be.

And this is what "less than one personality" means to me. Not a broken plate that can be put back together, or a broken mirror where all the individual pieces are still mirrors, but the result of multiple attempts to create a cohesive sense of self without full access to the entirety of human experience. Some attempts are based on lies, others on guesses, and some may be partially correct but lack context or a place to be understood and fully realised.

I'm like those old medieval drawings of animals based on descriptions of animals but having never seen them before.

This. This is me. This is what I really am. I'm like if a person didn't know what a person was and tried to make more people.

Especially bottom right, that may as well be a fucking selfie of my subconscious.

And of course I know there's a me, somewhere inside, there's a me that is me, but I can't find it, it's hidden from me. I look and I feel where it must be, but I just cannot grasp what it is. Like I kinda understand now what my IFS therapist was talking about in reference to a "core self", I now know what is meant by that, and I also know why I feel so strongly that I don't have one. Like dark matter, I can theorise about the properties of the glue that holds my galaxy together, but I cannot for the life of me detect it, I cannot interact with it, it's completely invisible, totally outside of my reach, but it's there. But it's not a whole personality either, it's not even a part of my personality, I cannot just add it to my other parts because it's isolation has left it undeveloped. Imagine asking for a dozen cupcakes and getting 11 cupcakes and a pile of flour, sugar, and egg. It's not just a missing piece, it's not even a piece yet.

And it's this, this separation and underdevelopment of the 'Psychological Self' upheld by Dissociative barriers and absolute phobia of the internal that separates my experience as a DID system from other members of the wider plural including endogenic community. I'm not going to say that this is the defining DID experience, because it's not, but it's definitely why I fail to relate to a metric fuck ton of y'alls experiences and description of yourselves, just as so many of you may tell me that you don't relate to what I'm saying right now.

And it's of course worth mentioning that this is only one way of rationalising things. It's like the oceans, we draw lines and say "this is the Pacific and this is the Atlantic" and there's value in some contexts to divide them this way and compare the differences between them, or the different layers of the atmosphere saying "this is the stratosphere and this is the flanglesphere" but it's all water and it's all air. Which way we divide it and where we draw the lines is only as important as what we're trying to achieve by doing so and the purpose that it serves.

This framework helps me to conceptualise myself the best so far, if it helps you conceptualise yourself too then you can incorporate it, if it doesn't and you have a better one then you can use that. We're all just smudges in a left handed person's handwriting at the end of the day.

[idoodlestuffsometimes]

Brother's Keeper AU:

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: How did Caleb live so long? How can he still be here after 400 years?

A: Belos wanted him to stick around and so he made it happen. As for specifics: *shrugs* your guess is as good as mine! This is something I've preferred to leave up to the readers. I will simply confirm that he isn't hiding any goop powers or OP palisman-given magical abilities. He is, for all intents and purposes, a regular human who is somehow really, really old.

Q: If Caleb is still alive, where did Hunter come from?

A: The full story here hasn't been told yet, but you may notice Caleb is missing quite a few bones...

Q: Caleb's ears are pointed! Did Belos cut them??

A: Correct

Q: Does Caleb know about the Collector/the basilisks/Belos' plans?

A: Probably! He's been Belos' sounding board for 400 years. Access to things that could "further corrupt him" or provide him a tool for escape, however, are off limits, so there are many things, like the Collector, that he's heard about but never seen for himself.

Q: Where's Flapjack/Amity/Darius/etc?

A: This is basically a canon divergence. If you haven't seen a particular character, it's safe to assume for now that they're up to whatever they were doing in canon.

Q: I don't get it. Why is Caleb insane?

A: I suggest you reread the first few story posts, my friend! You have fallen for Belos' lies.

Q: Do you have a posting schedule? When will the next part come out?

A: There is no posting schedule. I draw (mostly but not always) traditionally in my free time, for the fun of telling a cool story, and some posts are longer than others. That means the timing of the next post depends on how long it is, how much time I have, and whether or not I'm at home with access to my scanner. Sometimes this means I post quickly. Sometimes it means you'll see me next month. Sorry about that.

Just know that if I know there's going to be an extended wait, especially one where I'm not actively working on the next drawing, I will make an announcement about it. If you haven't seen an update in a while but I also haven't said anything, it's almost definitely because I'm actively chipping away at a part of the story that's taking me longer.

Q: Why do some of the story posts have a letter after the number? Are these less important than the regular story posts? Can I skip them?

A: No, I Do Not Recommend skipping them! They are just as important as the others. They have a letter on the end because they were added later and I use letters as a way to avoid renumbering everything. If you see story posts labeled something like "3, 3A, 4", they are meant to be read the same as you would if they were "3, 4, 5".

Q: Can I make art/fic/cosplay of this au?

A: Knock yourself out! If you post it somewhere, please include credit, but otherwise I don't mind, and actually love seeing what you do with it! If it's NSFW though, please keep it in appropriate spaces with proper warnings.

Q: Wait there's fic/fanart?? Can I see?

A: If you look through the tag on my blog "BK fridge gallery" you can browse any content shared with me that I've reblogged. :) People are free not to share it with me too though, and there are some I don't reblog, especially if its gorey or suggestive, so you might be able to find a bit more elsewhere under the Brother's Keeper AU name if you look for it.

You may also notice I have a featured tag called "BK Soundtrack." That's for songs that people have suggested to go with the AU. You are welcome to browse or suggest songs of your own ;)

Q: :( I sent an ask but you didn't answer. Did you get it?

A: Probably, yes. Sometimes it takes me a few days to get to it. However, if it was theorizing about future plot points, I may actually be holding onto it with plans to answer at a more appropriate time. I like to keep many of my plans for the story close to the chest, so don't be surprised if your theory ask disappears only to show up many months later when the story has progressed to a point where I can give you a more in depth answer.

[shannonsketches]

Can I just say I love how you can be somewhat critical about certain things about totk without completely and unnecessarily trashing it and even adding humor. I wish more people were like that.

Aw, thank you! I'm just trying to make sure folks feel safe to enjoy things here (as long as, yknow, the respect goes both ways).

I definitely used to be someone who would trash stuff unnecessarily, and I'll always credit a mutual (although I did forget their handle,,,I'm so sorry) I had at the time for just letting me go on a long rant about why something bothered me and went, "That sounds really personal, but that got nothing to do with this." And all at once I realized I'd been projecting my needs/wants/expectations onto other peoples work (commercial or otherwise), and holding strangers responsible for serving me, specifically! Which is an absurd thing to expect from anyone!!

And sometimes I still forget the world doesn't revolve around me, glorious me, and I have to go back and apologize and do my mental health homework to figure out why I reacted a certain way, and why I took something so personally. But it's been really helpful to try and do the homework first, or type that whole salty take up and delete it or draft and review it again in the morning, before you make a stranger (or a friend!) feel bad or unsafe with you for the crime of enjoying something you didn't (which I have done, many times, and feel very bad about).

Plus, I've learned that if you're someone who is always analyzing and critiquing things, those moments can be really good practice for (respectfully! privately! in your own space! not on that stranger's post! not in that poor dev's DMs!) considering what you might have done differently, assuming you had the same parameters and resources available. I find this is especially good practice if you plan on entering a creative field! I promise you get a lot more sympathetic with how things turn out when you force yourself to dream within a budget and a deadline.

(also being nice to professionals is good practice! Some of them are jerks, true, but 99% of devs artists designers directors etc are just doing their best under a ton of stress and pressure to make everyone happy, and they're usually really proud of what they're able to accomplish, and they are absolutely not getting paid enough to deal with the comment section)

Once you let go of that need to be Correct and have control over stuff that isn't about you, you end up having a lot more fun and a lot less limitations for playing in the sandbox, and with other creatives! Plus you learn about yourself, and what your priorities and tastes are. You become a better story teller and collaborator when you can not only find but actively look for the good in things you may have completely dismissed as a kneejerk reaction to not liking something about it.

And again, I'm definitely still an ass, a lot more often than I'd like to be. I still struggle with that need to be Correct and to have complete control over my sandbox. I still get defensive and have to navigate rejection sensitivity when someone's idea contradicts mine. I definitely understand the reactivity when something means a lot to us, and it takes practice to share when you're used to being protective! But it's so, so worth it.

You meet such amazing people and find such wonderful, supportive communities when you embrace two cake theory. I highly recommend making an effort to expand your perspective and be a part of that support.

Supportive Community Pro-Tips from a Fandom Old Guy:

You don't have to adopt a theory to enjoy or appreciate it!

If someone's takes upset you, just block them. It's okay.

Don't critique someone's work unless they ask for critique

Don't RB someone's work with negative/contradictory comments, just make your own post

DO freak out in the tags/comments/inbox if you like something

Obviously don't wish harm over ships/headcanons/etc, just block!

Remember someone else's work is not about you

Remember someone else's work is Not About You

Are they experiencing a thing? Are they sharing their experience with you? That's a gift! Treat it like one!

Elitism is a mind killer. Newer ≠ Lesser, Older ≠ Greater. We all have stuff to offer and we all have stuff to learn.

and if I may impart the most important thing I've ever learned in fandom:

BE NICE TO EACH OTHER, WE'RE ALL JUST MAKING STUFF UP!

Thank you for the lovely message and for letting me ramble I'm!! Sorry this got so long and preachy, haha

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Replies! About the LiliMal comic + a lot of other stuff.

Anonymous asked:

Waittttt may I ask whose butts are featured in your latest LiliMal comic because there's a certain cake standing out from the rest~

Ahhh I’m sorry to disappoint, but I didn’t have anyone specific in mind when I drew this sufhsui BUT. I’m pretty sure Lilia does this to everyone (well other than Malleus), at least playfully (some of his slaps are not as neutral in nature 👀 )…

But damn you’re right, that cake is huge. I can’t think of anyone this big other than Jack but there’s no tail :( HmmMMMmmm

blackbutlerfandomnerddomain asked:

Lilia hitting Malleus' butt literally awoke a fever of fanfic writing, so thanks for that boo!

Also, I feel like Lilia would try to find out all who thought touching Malleus was a smart idea and probably kill them either from jealousy, loyalty, or straight him being possessive and does it cause "He was mine. He will always be mine"

You’re welcome! I hope Malleus gets buttslapped more often… he deserves it lol

Lilia’s case is interesting, because on the one hand, he does want Malleus to have more connections, relationships, all this stuff, but he really is more possessive than even he himself realises, not to mention super protective. So I can picture him going after people with an excuse of them overstepping, but in actuality because he’s way too used to thinking that he is the only one who is allowed to treat Malleus this way.

Anonymous asked:

AAAAAAHHH DID MY 2 ASKS ABOUT JADE GET EATEN????

Nope! I’m just very slow + I have been busy lately, so I had to prioritize asks with shorter replies… but you’ll get your replies too, Anon! Here is one, but the other one will have to wait, since it’s a hc ask, and it’s more time consuming for me to wrote them…

Anonymous asked:

thoughts on the popular theory Jade ate his siblings? do you think any other Leeches existed, or if they did, if he had anything to do with their death?

So about this! We actually talked about it about a year ago here and there, and even though we mentioned it briefly, we still like this theory a lot. Katsu and I pretty much consider it canon lol Of course while keeping in mind that it was only implied and the circumstances around their siblings’ death might have been different yada yada you know what I mean.

So yeah, other Leeches absolutely existed, Jade and Floyd are the only ones who survived and it only happened because they joined forces. And we all know that Jade and Floyd both are quite hungry, so the scenario in which they hunted every single sibling down and ate them to grow stronger just feels correct, horribly morbid and super fun at the same time.

I don’t know, it’s just a very amusing thing to think about when you look at them doing regular college boy things. Especially Jade, since he likes acting all polite and proper. He’s out there doing his vice-housewarden things, talking to his classmates, managing finances for the Halloween event, and you look at him and think “this guy munched down his siblings when he was little” lol

It’s almost like they’re from a completely different and a much more cruel world…

Anonymous asked:

You've probably been asked before but, have vil and Ortho ever made a sex tape? If so who initiated and if not what made them think against it/do you think Ortho ever secretly filmed sessions for himself?

I don’t think Vil would want to have a sex tape even if it’s for a personal use; he’s probably heard so many stories about leaks and ruined reputations. He grew up surrounded by paparazzi and all kinds of nosy vultures, so he is very careful and secretive (and a bit paranoid) about his private live. So he probably treats every time he has sex as “once in a lifetime performance for his lover only”.

Which is ironic because Ortho really loves recording everything he sees and does. He loves rewatching, revisiting and analyzing (and doing other stuff if it’s sex tape we’re talking about hehe), so he’ll absolutely ask Vil to record everything or at least take some pictures or audio recordings, and he’ll be bummed out when Vil refuses. Vil is usually very doting and he allows him to do so many things, but this is something he is stubbornly against.

But if Vil doesn’t know about it, there is no harm, right? Ortho knows how to put cameras and sound-recording devices in a way he would never notice…

And if it’s the robot!Ortho we’re talking about, he doesn’t even need any extra devices: he records everything directly to his memory.

Anonymous asked:

I think everyone wants to bite Idia’s thighs tbh

Facts. And it’s funny, because Idia doesn’t even have much to bite there…

Anonymous asked:

Do you think Idia is touch-starved? I personally think that but I’m interested to know your thoughts

I think he is starved to the point of not wanting anything anymore, so he’s touch-died-of-hunger-years-ago. So it’s not like he is actively suffering, buuuut if someone was to get physical with him, his body would suddenly remember that being touched by someone actually feels very good, so he’ll get overwhelmed in a good way. He is very sensitive….

[magistralucis]

lost in translation [Zultanekh/Djoseras Snippet]

(Last snippet before fic starts publishing on AO3. Should be in the next day or two. What I thought would be a nice lengthy oneshot is now going to be a three-parter filled with various pains, why am I like this 😭

It will be titled we live on archipelagos. I'll update tags on previous snippets too)

-----------------

An aside about languages. While Zultanekh never doubted his new body was for the better, he was disappointed to find it came pre-installed with translingual modules. Another of the Silent King's cosmopolitan projects, the move towards universal intelligibility, and an extension of his linguistic reforms: they left the furnaces knowing not only Szarekh's language, but everybody else's, and they'd never understood each other before as well as they did in those newborn moments. Even so, Zultanekh was let down, because he had been planning to learn the Ithakan language for himself.

An odd choice, even for his standards. An unfashionable language, neglected even by Ithakans. He'd wanted it, all the same, in the hopes it would help him understand Djoseras better. And no, he hadn't wished to blink and know it - he'd wanted to learn it, go through the grammar and the rote memorization as any schoolboy might have done. He was never the one to seek intellectual labour, and has no illusions that he'd have been fluent. But he knows the effort would have mattered, that the struggle made it real.

It felt like the least he could do to nurture their peace.

But surplus or deficit, they must work with what they have. The necrons' shared purpose drained away after Szarekh's war, and many dynasties have started using their own languages again, which the modules have proved invaluable in decoding. They update in real time, even, despite their innumerable losses - a culture-mad archaeovist is behind them, Zultanekh supposes, eager to share his research for the betterment of his kin. Fairly sure no one asked, but it's not like Trazyn to ask permission for anything.

And Zultanekh's theory was correct, he can apply Ithakan to their conversations now, and it does help him understand Djoseras better. He knows the same applies to him. When he bows down to Anathrosis and whispers ne moja volja no tvoja da bodet', he is laying down at her feet something greater than not mine but my phaeron's will be done, even though the invocation is the same. When Djoseras looks up from the nomarch's latest reports and exclaims he is well, my philos brother, he is not merely saying Oltyx is dear to him. A lot of things are philos to him, actually, even the things to which he is dispassionate. Those modules are what Zultanekh used to tease Djoseras about the Ithakan ships, not on account of their quality but their spirits, which are of course autonomos. "The heka of Ithakas is so bound up in justice, it seems, that it cannot abide anything with a law unto itself. I'd like to see a ship getting uppity with you sometime."

(Djoseras had thought this a very bad joke, but it did not stop his nodes glimmering with amusement, all the same.)

[cl0ckworkqueerness]

pinned post 📌

hi my name is jordan or robin, i don't really have a preference but i typically go by jordan offline and robin online

my pronouns are he/him ONLY, and please only use typically masculine-based terms (i.e. "man", "guy", etc) for me. you do not need to know the details of my transition or my body.

(this section has been updated) i am a transgender man, and i identify as intersex due to an edge case condition that impacts me significantly enough to alter my life and how people perceive me. i, however, am not a reliable voice for every intersex experience, and do NOT speak on behalf of others. rather, i use my position to learn about the experiences of other intersex people, especially those who were forced into corrective surgery

I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL THEORIST OBVIOUSLY i'm just some guy in his early 20's who's throwing his hat into the ring so please don't blindly accept my opinions as fact. or anyone's opinions, for that matter. but especially that of a guy who's just now learning things and sitting solidly upon Mount Stupid of the Dunning-Kruger graph

i'm here to learn more about and give my thoughts on gender studies, as well as develop my own hypotheses, theories, and opinions. i would love people's input on their experiences, especially if they don't match mine. i want to learn as many sides as i possibly can to get a big-picture grasp on the concepts of gender, sex, and everything else that may be discussed here

this blog will be entirely focused on subjects relating to sex, gender, gender discrimination, trans people and issues, intersex people and issues, queerness, and occasionally sexual and romantic orientation. any other subject matter will be addressed as it relates to any of these topics (for example, how black trans people face intersectionality of transphobia and racism, or how neurodivergent people often do not have their gender taken seriously)

i am not going to critically engage with bad-faith arguments. if i am going to engage with them at all, then it is going to be public mockery or using a bad-faith argument as an opportunity to learn or speak about something related to it. if you step into my ask box, especially if you're going anon, you agree to whatever i may say in response to it being posted publicly even if that means making fun of you. if you do not want this, do not send an ask

i will NOT tolerate, under any circumstance, any kind of prejudice, e.g. transphobia (including, but not limited to, transmisogyny AND transandrophobia), interphobia/intersexism, or any other kind of prejudice, even if it is not relating to gender. yes, this includes androphobia, which very often comes with gender essentialism. i am NOT an anti-feminist MRA, so fuck off if you want to strawman me and say that i am

i will primarily be talking about my own firsthand experiences, which may include more mentions of transandrophobia than transmisogyny. i will do my best, though, to emphasize the equality of these struggles, because neither are worse than the other and they are both severe problems that must be addressed with serious attention, especially if either are coming from inside the trans community itself

under the cut are a few of my general beliefs. if you don't want to read through the rest, that's totally fine and i understand, this post is long enough already lmao

- * - * -

first of all, any of these beliefs may shift or alter over time. if that is the case i will regularly check this and make sure no edits need to be made, and if something conflicts with a post i made, please refer to the original post rather than this list

and also, all of these are opinions that i hold. if you disagree with anything, we can talk about it

with that in mind, let's begin!

to me, gender has no categories or boxes to fit everyone into. rather, gender is sort of an internal perspective of the self, which may or may not change over time, and is different for everyone, much like an internal fingerprint. you cannot tell someone's exact gender by their self-expression, nor simple descriptive words like "non-binary" or "man" or "woman". there is nothing prescriptive or inherent about any of these labels, and these labels are not and can never be "categories", and thus by nature are difficult to define. the closest i've gotten is describing a sort of "core" of a person which these words can describe, but everything connected to it can be of any nature so long as it supports and upholds the core. but this idea is very underdeveloped as of right now and i'll need to think about it

the presence or lack of gender dysphoria in someone has no bearing on someone's transness. that is to say, you don't need it to be trans, and you don't need to be trans if you have it. gender euphoria is an experience most powerfully felt by trans people, so if i were to explain what makes someone trans in very simple terms, it would be "experiencing intense gender euphoria with certain words, phrases, aspects of presentation, activities, or other stimuli". i believe there's more to it than this-- the idea that cis people may experience some form of gender euphoria is on my list of ideas to flesh out-- but generally speaking this is the belief i hold. this also means transmeds get fucked lmfao

bioessentialism (assigning inherent attributes based on sex) and gender essentialism (assigning inherent attributes based on gender) are always bad no matter for what purpose(s) they're used. no exceptions. this means i will not be seeing eye-to-eye with most radfems-- yes, even trans-inclusive ones-- unless they can actively challenge the notion of anyone having any inherent traits because of their manhood, womanhood, femininity, masculinity, or anything of the sort

sex, much like gender, is not binary. there are multiple different characteristics that don't just come down to chromosomes, and to define sex as purely chromosomal is beyond stupid because human bodies are more complex than that

gender as most see it in western society today is a social construct, however to me, gender is tied to one's sense of self that is built upon social interactions and culturally-constructed ideas, concepts, etc. that is to say, gender is who "you" are, constructed by how you interact with society

gender as most see it in western society today should be deconstructed and replaced with the idea that, basically, you can be whoever you want forever. anyone should be able to incorporate anything into their gender that makes sense for them, yes, even "weird" or unconventional things, including any and all pronouns that you use

everyone regardless of gender is hurt by discrimination based on sex, gender, etc. which means yes, men are hurt by misogyny too and the only way to eliminate systemic and social misogyny is to eliminate all systemic and social sex and gender discrimination

cant believe i have to say this. transandrophobia is a real thing. androphobia is a real thing. men can suffer in ways different than women but those ways are still very real. discrimination, prejudice, even bigotry are not exclusive to one, "most oppressed" group. it is not the fucking oppression olympics, get your head all the way out of your ass. baeddelists can fuck right off

all ideas that borrow from gender critical theory, gender essentialism, bioessentialism, or any other ideology that is exclusionary towards one or more types of trans people should NOT be portrayed as "progressive", nor should they be adopted by anyone who actually gives a damn about making a change for a better and more inclusive future. basically, do not sit at the TERF table if you don't wanna get called a TERF

people should be believed for the labels they define themselves with, because even if they're liars, what good does it bring to risk gatekeeping a real person with real experiences. this goes for sex, gender, sexual orientation, romantic orientation, so on and so forth. this also applies to everything else in my mind but for here i'll mainly be talking about it in relation to these things

some people's definitions of themselves might not make sense to you, and that's okay. there are some things that don't even make sense to me yet. but i choose to live and let live, and i think pretty much everyone would benefit from others doing the same. sometimes, what people say about themselves isn't really supposed to make sense to anyone but themselves. the human experience is a complicated mess in every other regard, so why is this any different

i'll probably end up adding more as i continue to think and process my own ideas. until then, that's basically everything i can think of right now

good-faith debates and challenges are welcome, although i might not respond to everything. i will try my best to keep on top of education and information, but i promise i will get some things wrong. in those cases, i wish to be better informed so that i don't perpetuate misinformation or poorly-supported ideas

and finally, in case you haven't seen my banner:

i believe that's everything! thanks for reading all this way, and i look forward to this experience

[brumeraven]

🍂: A Friendly Wager || self-abandonment, RSD, gods, conformity, expectations, reflections, the mirror, transformations, not sure how to say I'm not sure about this one without sounding like I'm being rude to faer

I knew a girl once, a friend, I suppose, though I hesitate to use the term, being as she was a friend to everyone and none at all.

Come to think of it, even "girl" was tenuous, for something wasn't quite right with her, something not quite human in her overall impression.

There was something off about her face, as if some artist hadn't quite mastered perspective, a smile that seemed to not quite fit her eyes, plastered on from another source.

I always wondered whose it was.

Not mine, I think, for all that it had gone missing years before.

Nevertheless, she was sweet enough and smiled for me, so we struck up an amicable relationship.

One day, she told me she was worried about me.

Worried that I never smiled.

Worried that I was all alone.

Worried that I was fated for an awful end.

But...I could yet be saved.

She told me all I needed to do was follow God's will.

It was ridiculous, of course. Patently so, and I said as much, told her I'd heard a thousand name themselves gods, expecting of course a sales pitch for the one "true" one she'd leashed herself to.

"Of course."

The words were a shock, assent unexpected. Which, then, was I to serve? After all, I was spoiled for choice.

"All of them."

I had no idea what to make of it, expectations turned on their heads, and so I asked, well, why? Why could she possibly think this would solve anything?

It was simple logic, or so she said, a matter of game theory.

Each claimant either is or is not a god. This is, by its nature, wholly uncertain, since we're fallible beings trying to conceptualize of the infallible. Any being of infinite power could just choose to appear finite.

And yet one must treat each in turn as either divine or not, uncertainty be damned.

If one serves mere man, well, one has lost but some time and stature, a finite and measurable cost.

If were to defy divinity, though...there is no limit on the magnitude of the consequences.

What possible equilibrium could exist but to serve a would-be god to the best of one's ability?

Her answer failed to make an impression on my skepticism, failing as it did to deal with the proliferation of such fetishes. With countless gods, how could one choose the correct one?

How was one to decide which was more correct or true or likely to be divine? How could infinities be compared?

And if instead one serves multiple, the number of possible subsets to follow exploded binomially. How could one be so many different things to so many different people?

It was simple, she insisted, drawing a triangle of numbers on a page, marking the combinations. No matter how many possible gods there were, there was only one way to serve all of them, she said, tapping the right edge.

One simply had to be what was expected of them by everyone.

What other solution to uncertainty was there, when a single misstep could spell eternal damnation? What small cost it was to give up the tiny certainty of this mortal existence for such rewards that could await us. What a trifling thing conviction was to pay to avoid perdition.

I don't know her, anymore.

I don't remember if she died, or if I simply refused to be complicit in her suicide. Either way, the not-quite-girl I knew is gone.

I do remember she stopped smiling at me when I pointed out that both sides of the triangle were flanked with 1's.

I suppose I'm overlooking something. Always was more stubborn than bright, more selfish than not, unwilling to give up what precious little I have whatever the profits.

Death may be a certainty, but I'll be damned if I meet it on my knees.

Never much was one for gambling.

~🍂