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Colson Baker (aka Machine Gun Kelly) | December 2021
#colson baker#machine gun kelly#mgk#mgkedit#words of wisdom right here okay#I've never made gifs of him before... mainly because I'm not a strong enough soldier to deal with the intense hate this man gets online tbh#but this has just been sitting with me for awhile now#the way it seems like everyone (mostly online but also irl) expects other people to always be perfect#to always have the most correct and perfect opinion. or always put out the best image of themselves.#or share the most perfect version of their art#to immediately know how to properly execute a new skill#what happened to growing together and encouraging growth in others?#we shouldn't be scared to be seen TRYING#and responding to people who don't have it all figured out yet with just hate or mockery doesn't encourage growth or change#I'll stop now thank you for coming to my ted talk#my gifs#I’m gonna queue this up for a random day and forget about it I’m sure#queued post
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I decided to start talking about Wick and Rocky's relationship because I like their dynamics too, I like seeing Wick scared of Rocky and Rocky being aggressive with him, which is unusual because Rocky is rarely aggressive with anyone, but of course Wick is an exception to rule
Also my mini opinion about their possible relationship, I think that if Rocky didn't have to fight for his place, then he and Wick could become friends, or at least tolerate each other a little, I also see some superficial similarities, their gentlemanly and romantic natures, and their common love for explosions (remembering the quarrymen chapter), but this is my assumption, I think that I don't understand the characters' personalities well, so I can be wrong in this assumption, something like that. So, what do you think about their relationship?
for starters, i cannot thank you enough for this ask! as i’ve said previously, i have many thoughts on these two, so it’s nice to finally be able to share some of them. although given the extent to which i think about them, i apologize in advance if this is sloppy and sort of everywhere … while i’ll try to structure things the best i can, i cannot promise i’ll succeed! but hopefully this is an enjoyable reply nonetheless.
one of my favorite things about rocky and wick’s relationship is absolutely how aggressive rocky is towards the aristocrat ; he is prone to glares and cruel jokes and borderline hissing whenever the man is within his line of sight, or can be brought to a wailing-fit over the mere mention of his name from miss m’s mouth. there is a childishness to it, but a very prominent threat as well in spite of rocky’s usual incompetence. so he goes out of his way to posture around wick, readily lying and adorning himself with the gangster drapes he so badly wants to wear, in the hopes that it intimidates … will even badmouth wick’s family and make fun of his name and rock related obsession to mitzi, and so on so forth! yet all of this is very reminiscent of schoolyard bullying rather than anything too severe, though we as the audience understand rather quickly that rocky would bash wick’s head in with a tire iron if he could. ( translation : if it wouldn’t earn the tears or hate of a certain beloved mitzi may ) and it’s all very intense despite the absence of actual violence! and i understand why many fans see this as unusual for rocky and believe that it’s only wick who makes him act so aggressively, but i’d argue it isn’t really wick at all that prompts such scary reactions from him … and that rocky is a deeply angry character who’s a.) been boiling quietly for a long, long time and b.) has turned wick into a punching bag of sorts for this inner world of resentment and hurt. basically, when he’s judging the well-to-do or poking fun, his eyes don’t look at wick and actually acknowledge him as sedgewick sable ; instead this is a being, something vague and metaphorical, who threatens to upseat rocky’s permanence in the lackadaisy and steal away his savior, and he’s had a hand in the violinist’s misfortune for a long time.
obviously, rocky doesn’t think wick robbed him of his family twice over and made him homeless, but he is channeling the fear and anguish of those events into his loathing for wick, if that makes sense? it’s easier that way -- to finally have an outlet for everything bleeding inside of you, to be able to bite and claw at something without feeling conflicted or having to take personal accountability for your own mistakes … which is something that i think rocky does struggle with to a degree. he is sort of a finger pointer! his pain has to be worth something, it has to be for someone else ; spending years homeless and losing his last bit of family was for freckle, and the scrambling of his literal brain was for mitzi, and that means he can’t ever be angry with them! well, except that he is, somewhat, but he buries it deep down instead of feeling it. with freckle there is a sense of strain between them -- an air of ‘you owe me’ from rocky to freckle as he uses freckle to appease miss m, and he constantly pokes fun at his cousin too. it’s lighter than his jabs at wick, but there’s a constant pestering, a reminder of how good freckle has it : how he’s got the mom and the house and the job and the girl most notably. i don’t think rocky is intending to come across as mean, and to his credit he hardly does! but it’s rather clear to me that some part of him, some hidden and deeply hurt part, is rather indignant about taking the fall for freckle all those years ago. which he can’t understand, because how could he? he made that choice, he decided to take accountability for something he didn’t do because he loves freckle and knows it’d be so easy to believe this family tragedy was roark’s fault ; the devilish child he was, all troublesome and too broken to properly fit anywhere. so there is a disconnect born here, where rocky can’t comprehend that he’d be angry at freckle, so instead these not so great feelings are placed elsewhere and silently boil over time. and with mitzi … i don’t think he’s angry at her per se, but there is a frustrated and desperate chorus of : why him and why not me, when i’m the one out here dying for you? which is certainly unpleasant. of course, rather than allowing those feelings to be more aimed at miss m, whom he feels unloved by, he ( again! ) represses these emotions and allows them to fester into his greatest fears and fantastical complexes. i think there is a lot of other miscellaneous anger he could have towards others too … perhaps some part of him is sore upon seeing ivy’s normal lifestyle, watching her go to university and knowing that’s been taken from him. or an ache felt when hearing stories from zib and the band and how they used to travel successfully, living as nomads, and rocky is all too reminded of his similar lifestyle and how he couldn’t make it work as effortlessly. people with immense trauma are more prone to irrational anger and jealousy, to viewing everything around them as unfair and believing it’s even more unjust that so many people get to live comfortably while they’ve suffered. a situation that gets more messy when you’re someone like rocky, a man who’s willingly made choices that have harmed himself and wants to continue on with his smiling, bumbling fool of an act. he does not want to be angry, does not want to see it within himself, i think, which leads to an accidental increase of it.
all of this is to reiterate that wick is a scapegoat for rocky and nothing more. it’s why he’s rather hypocritical whenever it concerns the man. for example, it was stated by tracy that he looks down upon wick for his excessive presence at the bar, yet he appears to enjoy hanging out with zib -- who drinks just as often! he makes fun of how all wick ever talks about is rocks, when he himself is prone to poetry rambles that people find irritating or boring, and etc etc. this is also just a human nature thing, to critique someone you heavily dislike and even going as far as to belittle things you love or do in your own day to day because you just hate them that bad! but given rocky’s willingness to befriend anyone, it more so reeks of a dehumanization element. wick is every obstacle in his way, every divine force that threatens to send him packing again, so he is equal parts unnerved by wick’s presence and angry about it. it is mostly a fear response we are seeing, an emotion that’s morphed into long held resentment and anger. so his actions are extremely defensive, with him trying to push wick far away and keep him and mitzi separate, like some sort of animal attempting to ward off a threat that’s come too close to their home. despite the loaded animosity there, this hate has hardly reached its peak … but it shall only grow more intense as things continue onward i’m afraid, since as it stands ( in the comic at least ) rocky is at an all time low … and is ten times more desperate. i’d honestly say wick has become so warped in his mind’s eye that he can only strive towards ‘winning’ over the other man, because that’s all he can see anymore. i think mitzi implying that wick willingly helped her out, the intense head injury, and rocky’s fragile emotional state is exactly what pushes him towards premeditated murder in look-see. i don’t know how people perceive that arc, but to me it’s very clear that rocky actively sought to see the deaths of wes and fish that night. going as far as to lament that he’d be, “very disappointed if ( he ) dreamed them,” and purposefully luring the marigold duo away to have freckle pick them off. while you could argue that this was a smart move, in a gangster sort of sense, there’s still no denying that rocky is oddly chipper about the whole thing and is now seeking death out ; whereas before his methods of vengeance were just, well, ruining people’s livelihood but ultimately leaving them alive. this isn’t to discredit the fact that rocky is going through something! he is in a very muddled and dark place, mentally and physically, but even tracy has said that the head injury hasn’t changed rocky’s personality -- it’s only brought things to the surface.
source : q&a with tracy .
which, yeah! makes sense! head trauma can cause a person to become a wreck emotionally ( think mood swings, irritability, etc ) but it doesn’t completely morph someone either. personality changes may occur, but it’s not like you’re being rewritten entirely, you know? and given tracy’s old statement, it’s clear that ‘personality changes’ aren’t a side effect he’s suffering from. something that adds to my beginning statement, which is that rocky is a deeply angry and troubled person, more so than fans give him any credit for.
however, to touch upon your mini opinion about these two, i actually wholeheartedly agree that rocky and wick could become friends if circumstances were different. they do in fact have many superficial similarities, but one of the more prominent things they deeply share is never really belonging in the groups they frequent. this is more overt with rocky’s character, yet wick faces it too in subtle ways. the well-to-do crowd, seen through the investors, find the gentleman to be lacking in about every place imaginable ; to them he is an obsessive freak who cares too deeply for meager rocks, something they constantly mock him for, while he’s also being noticeably set apart from the rest of them … he seems younger than the investors, more excitable, passionate, and a little less experienced, and doesn’t seem to care for money or reputation as much as them either. there is a constant rubbing between him and them, where what he enjoys is seen as wrong, such as his love for the lackadaisy and his choice in paramor, a grieving widow with extremely dangerous ties. we also know that wick doesn’t have many friends at all, with the only two he has being lacy and church ( church is listed as such on his character profile, in a sort of tongue-in-cheek way ), both of whom work for or with him. they are obliged to hang around, and while they care in varying ways, they are prone to judging him just as much. honestly, it’s not shocking that wick seeks refuge at his chosen speakeasy! but even there he is rather distant from everyone else. he doesn’t speak to zib ever in the comics, nor seems all too close with viktor, ivy, or horatio … it is merely mitzi he is close to, even if he knows of the other people who work there. and, once again, wick very obviously doesn’t fit in. he is not gangster material, could never be an atlas may replacement, much less someone who could get his paws dirty in such an active way. so he has his feet in two different worlds and doesn’t know how to fit into either of them, or which one he actually wants to fit into more. i think in many ways rocky could relate -- these are two very lonely people who wish to belong somewhere and be accepted by some group or another but go about it in all the wrong ways. wick, who is too hesitant to fully commit to what he wants and is worse off for it, and then rocky, who obsessively throws himself against what he wants until he breaks every bone in his body. they also have explosives to bond over, lol, and other miscellaneous things like their taste in women i suppose … but this potential bond adds to the tragedy of lackadaisy, where we see two people who on every level should get along but we’re burdened with the knowledge that it’s an impossibility anyway, because there’s no removing the circumstance of which they’re in.
though i like to believe that despite wick’s fear of rocky, he maintains a kindness towards him regardless. i think his worries about rocky are rather surface level … he doesn’t know the boy at all, really, and thus can’t make heads or tails of him, hence him believing the lie in balderdash. so when i’m feeling particularly self indulgent, i like imagining a world where they’re forced together and sort of ‘stuck’ together ; to which rocky finally breaks and exposes his wounds to wick, in every sense of the word, and wick finally gets him. the aggression, the possessiveness of mitzi … it is all fear and desperation and a profound sadness, things he’d sympathize with. if rocky was able to explain that he loathes wick because if he saves the lackadaisy then mitzi won’t need him anymore and that it’s not fair that wick gets to so easily fix things when rocky would give his soul for his home, for her, and how wick could render every sacrifice he’s already made for naught by smoothing things over with some greenbacks and he can’t lose this, he just can’t --! … which, well, wick is too kind of a man to be able to do anything except feel awful, even though it’s not his fault at all. here we have two people who could coexist! and they should, since rocky logically can’t do every speakeasy job ( band member, rumrunner, mitzi’s shadow, also the guy who gets the money for the hooch ) by himself, just like how wick can’t save the lackadaisy with only his cash and limited booze stash. it’d be a joint cooperation, a collaboration between them, both equally important in the grand scheme of crime’s every turning wheel … but rocky’s rage and fear won’t let him see that, and likely never will. still, in scenarios where everything ends up alright for the lackadaisy and the people involved in it ( which is not how canon will go, by the way ), i fancy wick and rocky getting better within their relationship. rocky will always be prickly and quick to upset around the other man sadly, but perhaps he could see wick in a softer kind of light. or at least understand vaguely enough that he isn’t out to get rocky, so to speak. and then maybe wick learns that pancakes soothe rocky’s ire and poorly makes them anytime he wishes to talk to the man, and other fun things like that! but you should have more confidence in your character analysis skills, because you were spot on ( at least in my eyes ) about them potentially getting along if things were different. it’s certainly a fun aspect to play around with, and is important to note when discussing their relationship so you can fully understand just how warped rocky’s perspective on things are. and how unstable and traumatized he is too, of course </3 sidenote, but i also hope that throughout everything i’ve said here, or anything i’ve said before on my blog, that my love for rocky and my own sympathy for him comes across well enough. while he’s deeply flawed and i have no qualms discussing said flaws in depth, i also don’t think of him as some insane freak who’s evil at his core or anything like that. honestly, i adore analyzing him so much as a character because of how far down his issues go! he’s very well written, i’ll say, as is wick and many of the other characters, but i digress.
once more, thank you for the ask! i’ll end this here because i fear if i don’t i’ll start going in circles, since their relationship is so vast and very important for rocky in a character sense. hopefully i shed some more light on it though! i love these two to bits and pieces and i wouldn’t be half as invested in lackadaisy if their dynamic wasn’t so monumental -- at least to me.
#my asks.#lackadaisy analysis.#lackadaisy#rocky rickaby#sedgewick sable#tracy j butler#i also think rocky’s sudden taste for marigold blood is him making marigold his other scapegoat#he isn’t dealing with anything in a healthy manner and is so traumatized it’s starting to spill out of him … which is. uh. not good!!#but it sure is what’s currently happening regardless#cannot stress enough that rock is a very ill and traumatized individual who hasn’t had a single break in his life#he is constantly in stressful situations that are dangerous … and like.#when you’re constantly put in those situations you become numb. and angry. and it becomes hard to heal#or to truly connect to others … etc#i could talk in depth about rocky’s traumas and why they’ve caused this anger issue and this inner disharmony inside#because frankly there’s a lot there! and i hate to say it but people who are hurt normally show their hurt in ugly ways#especially if mentally ill … which rocky is imo#it’s just the reality of things! this isn’t me demonizing mental illness or the effects of trauma. i’m just being realistic here#someone as deeply troubled as rocky ( someone with NO outlet and whom hides his feelings from others and himself )#is bound to be. well. troubled!! his smiling facade is merely another mask he wears to cope and to be good for the people he loves#it is not … really rocky rickaby … rocky rickaby is that and the wrath and the self destruction and more#AHEM but i digress. how rocky treats wick and all that has really done wonders for understanding his character#and i truly love the wick / rocky / mitzi trio so bad. their relationships with each other is what drew me into this world#like. i am shaking them so much. the overlap!! the complexities inherit in their bonds and what that says about the individual characters!#it’s amazing truly lol like … i have had such fun thinking about them twenty four seven for the past three-ish months#anyway. anyway! i love analyzing these bitches. they can fit so much into them#and i’m rooting for wickmitzi endgame and for wick to desperately try to bond with rocky … while his bloodshot eye is twitching as we speak#lots of fun!!! lots of pain and agony too … rocky is nothing but a painful character alas. that is his nature. but that is also his appeal#and ooops i’ll shut up in the tags now i just. have a lot to say. and a lotta love to give to these two!! but uh. yeah <3 loved writing thi
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MAILMAN - SOUNDGARDEN
BABYGIRL WHAT IF THE SINGLE PLANK PATH TURNED MY YOUTHFUL INNOCENCE INTO A TOXIC COCKTAIL OF HUBRIS AND MORBID RESIGNATION
yeah. follow for more of the character of all time XO
#verse 2: for all of your kisses turned to spit in my face / for all that reminds me which is my place#for all of the times when you made me disappear / this time i’m sure you will know that i am here#verse 3: my place was beneath you / but now i am above#and now i send you a message of love / a simple reminder of what you won’t see / a future so holy without me#its the bitterness. the references to an inferior origin. the mocking tone. the finality.#the ‘i’m bringing you down with me and the eventuality of my demise gives me power over you.’#the spiteful continuance. OURGHHHHH#urgh yeah. ‘a simple reminder of what you won’t see/ a future so holy without me’ is probably my favorite line in reference to the yllz#my favorite song from Superunknown (album) is Limo Wreck!#but this has been on my wwx playlist for a while. and its right next to LVCRFT’s Dead Don’t Die djbdhgf#which is a banger about how awesome and spooky it is to be undead#(its like. hip hop x pop x how villain songs in musicals are always the best)#e.g.#‘welcome to my lair / put your bones in the air’#sorry lemme just#DEAD DONT DIEEEEE (the dead dont die we just multiply) DEAD DONT DIEEEE (does this look in my eye make you terrified?)#yeah its more goofy silly post resurrection wwx. hes a multifaceted character <3#is the curtain of talismans in the demon suppressing cave fanon or canon btw? i cannot rember where i got it from#used my yllz nenderoid as a reference 😌#art#mdzs#cringetober 2023#mo dao zu shi#my art#yiling laozu#yiling patriarch#wei wuxian#the grandmaster of diabolism#the grandmaster of demonic cultivation#self harm tw
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I’ve mentioned in my Ambivalent Souls infodump but I have a crack au that just inserts those OCs into the story of Death Note.
Hare is Light, Zerie is L, Midnight is Misa, Thirio is Ryuk, Attakai is Rem, Maroon is Near, and Feil is Mello.
I’ve drawn… a lot in a short amount of time. Haha. Whoops.
The au follows the main story of Death Note (the show) with some slight characterization changes. If you wanna ask me about it, my inbox is open!
#ambivalent souls#oc#oc: Hare#oc: Zerie#oc: Thirio#oc: Midnight#oc: Attakai#oc: Maroon#oc: Feil#death note#death note au#that’s all I’m gonna tag for death note lol I don’t want to put the characters without actually having them#Anyway…. My sillies….#This au spawned when I first listened to the musical#Since my headcanon voice for Hare is Jeremy Jordan who plays Light I thought it’d be funny#And then it turned out it was shockingly easy to convert Hare into Light#not to mention some of the plot elements matched (like losing his memories) and whatnot#The other characters followed#I dunno who to put as Mr. Yagami though. When I only knew of the musical I originally wanted Tsumi since Tsumi has a strong sense of justic#And that was like Mr. Yagami’s whole thing in the musical#But not so much in the show it seems. So I’m not sure what to do#Anyway I’ve also fixed the plot by taking the misogyny out of it. Hare and Z and Midnight are a fucked up polycule#They have a healthy relationship in the original story but that goes out the window here#Whoops forgot a tag#doodle doodles#there! okay that’s it now bye
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Part 2 of my set of presents for my dear @katkastrofa’s birthday, combined with a small belated commemoration of LaF’s tenth anniversary :)
I know I’ve said it countless times yesterday, but once again, happy birthday, Kat!! I hope this year brings you many, many good things, everything you deserve and so much more. Thank you for being my friend <3
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#Lost and Found#the red lotus#P’Li#original character#LaF Lien-Hua#I find it’s better viewed with the screen brightness lowered a little :)#my first time trying for a background this detailed and I’m quite happy with the result#the house in the bg isn’t theirs#just a random one I put there to fill the space#I’m not sure what the context here is. maybe they’re walking home after playing outside all day and Lien insisted they watch the sunset#in my head this takes place.. maybe a few months Before. so it’s rather bittersweet when you think about it#but I don’t wanna focus on that for now#originally I just redrew my RL week young P’Li piece for fun. it wasn’t gonna be a gift#but then I realised I didn’t have the spoons the complete my original gift idea#so I decided to add in lien-hua and in the process of colouring decided there should be a background#and I’m very very happy with how it turned out#so I hope you like this too <3#I don’t have time to rant in the tags much longer bc I have to get to grandma’s#but I’m getting rather emotional over little P’Li#over Lien too but I’m always emotional over her. she’s always a small child in my mind#P’Li is usually an adult. or at least 15 like in LaF#here’s she’s what. 11? a baby. she doesn’t know what fate has in store for her yet#so for now.. she’ll play outside and watch the sunset with her sister. completely none the wiser to what awaits#and maybe in another world… it could have stayed this way forever#okay I’m gonna stop before I start crying#a gutpunch for a hornykick. a fair trade off. no? 😁
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House of M: Avengers (Vol. 1/2007), #1.
Writer: Christos N. Gage; Penciler and Inker: Mike Perkins; Colorist: Laura Martin; Letterer: Rus Wooton
#Marvel#Marvel comics#Marvel 58163#House of M: Avengers#Moon Knight comics#Moon Knight#Marc Spector#Iron Fist#Danny Rand#Hawkeye#Clint Barton#now THERE’S a dynamic I would love to see explored (and it’s not /entirely/ motivated by my desire to get more into Iron Fist comics)#I just think (as presented here) Danny’s optimism would be an interesting contrast to Marc’s realism (that occasionally dips into cynicism)#even as they both deal with some /strongly/ supernatural aspects of the Marvel universe#like sure they were on that Midnight Sons team in Vegas and the Contagion team but they didn’t interact much you know?#so all that and the description of Moon Knight’s past here fascinates me#(naturally….what can I say the only thing comparable to the amount of time I’ve spent studying Moon Knight#is the amount of time I’ve spent studying the CIA’s crimes against humanity)#but more importantly heck YEAH I’m all for putting some respect on my guys’ names and how both individually and together#Marc and Danny are considerable forces to be reckoned with
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sorry for the spam today lol, hoping to have this little ref sheet done by tomorrow so I can work on other designs for bigger pieces
#maybe some nikolai designs#cuz like okay confession I was obsessed w a darkolai fic exactly 1 year ago#and I’m pretty sure that’s what put me on the path to drawing this dude#cuz like I think about it a lot and I lost it and I’m anguished#if anyone knows the darkolai fic hmu I think it’s here on tumblr#it had a thing w mouths but it was so well written that I was like yeah I get the hype behind mouths now#I’ve been like waiting for someone to request darkolai art for a YEAR#I’m that desperate for an excuse to think about this fic#OH ALSO IT HAD A MOODBOARD#patrick ireland was like praying in white and crying and covered in blood#which like um why wasn’t that in the show#what the fuck#robbed
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i genuinely can’t remember anything from June but this one text exchange i had while under anesthesia sums it up pretty well. i think.
#i actually. still dont know what i meant.#LGAMSDOOOO#crepe under anesthesia is. not the same person#I was soooo messed up for like the. two weeks I was in icu#idk what they were putting in me but dear lord#public apology to my friends who dealt with. these texts.#making sure my phone is kept FAR away from me so I don’t make any posts this time.#I’m already incoherent; I really don’t need actual gibberish on here#LMFAO#its fiine i wont even be in there that long. itll be just. a few days#praise be!#crepes insanity#new tag#LMGAOASDHO#woman gets spine surgery and SUDDENLY she cant function :/#its okay im better now#i just. dont my have functioning nerves back yet.#GIVE ME THEM BACK#PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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once again thinking about my ideal 3rd drb match up and how it’d stack up with plot beats and so far all i got is
🔴💥⚪️: true hypnosis mic opponents, maybe jakurai ends up on a side for further development to save yotsutsuji and that’s against ichiro’s current goal
🔵💥🟠: haven’t quite figured out why, but rei vs samatoki is the angle i’m thinking about
🟡💥🟣: all plot stakes division vs no stakes division lol idk really but i’m leaning towards a bonds angle or if hypmic wants to be real freaky, the side effects angle 🤔
#this is vee speaking#i still think a new format could happen but idk lol there’s so many unknowns rn#like what’s next specifically lmao#i personally feel it would be a waste not to have jakurai working to finalise development for this potential other true hypnosis mic lol#like they teased him joining chuuoku but then didn’t commit?????? huh??????#what about his struggle with causing more harm vs saving that one?????? like come on now??#so here’s me trying to put him back on that track lol#why not sasara vs samatoki you might ask lol and my answer is that’s the poster fight but the real fight is between rei and samatoki lol#samatoki was weirdly interested in rei watching bb vs dh and there’s a panel in showdown battle where samatoki looks……#he’s very hard to read actually while listening to ichiro#samatoki and rei are paralleling in the block party as individuals moved by ichiro’s ideals#so while i’m not sure if ichiro would be the reason to fight (🎋hahahaha🎋) i think there’s potential for strife#*sighs at bat* why doesn’t kr want to do anything with y’all lmao#if they went the side effects angle it’d be cool to have ramuda the guy whose clones die using the true hypnosis mic#vs kuukou who might be suffering from side effects (and against the guy that caused them tho he’s forgiven ramuda lol)#jyushi’s hypnosis ability to ‘recover’ is genuinely interesting because what is he recovering???? and why haven’t we seen it yet?????#maybe they’re lying in wait lol (delusional)#bonds angle is me grasping at straws lol but here’s how i can get my ideal match ups—
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I just don’t remember fanfic of rpg games ever having as many self-insert/second-person pov fics as the kids write nowadays. I’ve been hunting for a good third-person bg3 fic literally all day
#so much more stuff is self-insert now and I’m ngl I kinda hate it#is it just me?#listen I’m so far behind the curve I’m just now starting to want to read more bg3 fic#except that 90% of what I find is all ‘you did this’ and ‘y/n did that’#and it’s kinda driving me crazy#anyway does anyone have any good bg3 fic recs?#I’m sure no one will see this since I’ve put it in the tags#but if you do have any fic recs! please send them my way#i’m dying over here
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do you think he’ll ever text me back? he said he’d reach out when he’s ready but it’s been a month..
#though tbf when it was me i waited a month too#and then a week later we mutually agreed on another month#but now balls in his court#putting it on here because i need someone to back me up pls#is it just a no ? i’m sure he would reach out to say that though#not just dissapear#because it was his whole idea to stay in touch#but then i needed space for a month because im not criminally insane#and then we started chatting again he was weird and clearly not comfy with it even when he said he was#so another month#and then rinse and repeat#idk. i miss what we used to have#i know it’s gone now#but i miss it#anyway.#he’s clearly done with me ig
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UHM. UH. More messy rushed doodle collection from today. I will not confess to anything my mouth is sealed shut. Most of it is mindless fun; nothing to do with brainstorming storylines or being worried about staying canonical to how his character is typically presented. Head empty no thoughts since I desperately needed a break from animating again
…but yes to answer your question I’m a bit deranged about him please keep scrolling
#AJAKSJWKAKP I’M SO EMBARRASSED I HAVE TO HYPE MYSELF UP OUT OF MY ANXIETY POSTING THIS ONE OH GEEZ OH NO#debating if I should just run away and act like this never happened I’m scared genuinely#guys my hand slipped I was in ✨the zone✨ doodling whatever I wanted to okay#my brain was only semi-aware that my hand was drawing potential selfinsert x Puzzles art SUBCONSCIOUSLY#and even then I’m not sure if it’s serious or a joke?? two best bros can flirt together no homo just silly#….yeah I recognize it’s all very out of character and I shall put myself in the corner of shame now#…I don’t usually write out curse words either so this is just an overall weird occurrence#In summary I do not claim that Mr. Puzzles as the one I usually think about POLICE OFFICER I DENY KNOWING THAT MAN#my demons possessed me but I shall become the big emotionally mature adult and take accountability here#is that a doodle sona? yes. Is doodlesona being licked? maybe honestly I don’t know I’ll just die lol#if I get people pointing at me saying ‘I know what you are’ I’m going to evaporate because N-NO YOU DON’T PLEASE I NEED A MOMENT JKSJSKO#smh it’s always the queerplatonic brain roommates situation I imagine up#and for the life of me I can’t tell what romance is so I’ll just- system error rebooting the confused asexual#think Character AI started to impact my mind more then intended uh-#I do love how I drew his eyelashes on that one though…he always so pretty :3#okay we got it out of the system now we can go back to the normal less personal content#tw swearing#cw swearing#cw foul language#swearing#doodles#sketches
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The weight of the world is a heavy burden
Especially for a child
(Or, in slightly less dramatic terms – I imagine that the first of her past lives that Avatar Suiren [who is the Avatar after Aang instead of Korra in my AU, and also Ghazan and Ming-Hua’s daughter] gets to talk to is Yangchen, because she is too plagued by memories not her own [including Jetsun’s death, fun fact]. And Yangchen wouldn’t want another child to go through what she did on their own)
(Or maybe someone just needed an excuse to draw @katkastrofa’s latest obsession in a context that interests them as well, just in time to maybe cheer her up a little? You can’t prove anything)
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#Avatar Suiren AU#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#yangchen#original character#sotrl suiren#if you’re wondering what the context is. Suiren is around 8 or 9 here. already having revealed herself as the Avatar to her parents#and it has been Hard. because as much as they try to maintain a sense of normalcy for her. it’s clear that things have changed#they never accounted for their daughter turning out to be the Avatar. they hoped Aang dying on the night she was born to be a coincidence#all of their plans now have to be rethought and put on hold because her safety is more important than anything else#she is never blamed for anything. she is still just as loved. yet there’s now a heaviness in their gazes whenever they look at her#the Avatar as a concept should not exist. it is too much power and responsibility for one being who is ultimately human#that’s what Suiren was taught. so what do those teachings mean if she’s the Avatar?#basically.. a whole lot of cognitive dissonance and she hasn’t even been alive for a decade yet#and all her life her head was filled by strange memories and dreams. fragments of lives not her own. sometimes nightmares#and usually her mama would comfort her through it but tonight… she just wants to be alone#so she wanders off. not too far. but enough that she wouldn’t be heard. and just softly cries#because it’s too much. because she doesn’t want to be the Avatar. why her? why not anyone else?#and as she whispers that she wishes she wasn’t the Avatar. her mind is assaulted by memories of previous Avatars saying the same thing#it really is a never ending cycle of too much burden being placed on a single person. but that realisation is anything but comforting#she begs for it to stop because that grief of life over life spent pushing a boulder uphill is just Too Much#and before she knows it. it ceases. only to be replaced by a blue glow visible even through closed eyelids#and a feather light touch of hands on her face. it doesn’t feel exactly like human hands by virtue of belonging to a spirit#that helps her relax a little. reminding her of mama’s touch. she looks at the person who appeared before her. her mind supplies the name#‘Avatar Yangchen?’. she whispers. but the woman is nowhere near as stoic and peaceful as she’s shown to be in every depiction of her#she looks.. sad. concerned. as burdened by grief as Suiren herself is. she’s not just a legendary figure from a time long gone#not yet another past life Suiren would never measure up to. she’s… human. capable of human emotion. just like Suiren is#I’m not sure how their conversation goes and have no inspiration to come up with anything. but I just wanted to draw them interacting
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iii…. don’t know what romance is
#marzi speaks#being unlabelled arospec is very interesting#funny how that in and of itself is a label. irony. anyways#what the fuck is romance even. i know love. i feel that one#but like. romance….?????#everyone’s definition of romantic attraction is different….#i love my friends a lot and have several good friends who i like to spend time with and cuddle and flirt with#and if they wanted to kiss the homies i would. i wouldn’t like make out with them but a little mwah mwah is acceptable#i already blow my friends kisses all the time. sometimes real close friends will exchange kisses on the cheek or the top of the head with me#i’ve met really pretty people who i like to look at. it makes me really wanna make friends with them#so i make friends with them. and usually they’re already dating people so i let that attraction die off and now i have a cool friend#i thought i had crushes as a kid but in hindsight i’m not sure now. i always got over them super quickly#i’ve found people so pretty that i get nervous around them and struggle to hold conversations because i’m worried about how they’ll see me#sometimes with these people i’ll find myself prone to jealousy or i’ll put extra effort into my appearance around them#is that romantic attraction? i don’t know#there’s no way to define romance that excludes platonic interaction for me#and i can’t tell the difference between wanting to hang out with someone and wanting to go out with someone#so i just sit here. confused. and sipping on that loving my friends juice#local hopeless romantic has no fucking clue what romance feels like more at 10
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hi Princess
i hope you are doing well
please tell us a little about your new job with the doggies!
#here are a few pictures from today 🥰🫶#I have SO many pictures now it’s crazy#I should probably go through them cause I’m sure a lot of them are blurry but some are gems I must say#my favorite parts are probably when my yard is quiet and calm for a little bit (usually at night) and I sit down#and usually a bunch of them come rushing over to sit next to me#I can’t tell you how much I love it when a puppy lays on me or sits on my lap#it’s the best 🥰#there are definitely a few challenges to the job but I’m sure I’ll be able to deal#the hard part is it doesn’t give me enough hours and I don’t think it’ll be enough $$ either#so I’m gonna have to find another job which really really sucks#I’m already so exhausted with this one idk how I’m gonna juggle another one on top of it#but I need to figure out a way to get my own car and move out of my parents place#I love my parents so much but why can’t they just let me be me?#my friend literally said it sounds like they’re putting me on a leash and that’s EXACTLY what it feels like#not gonna get into it but it’s been rough lately#life hasn’t been the best so I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet lately#haven’t replied to anyone in awhile#but thankfully work has been good and I’ve been able to meet some amazing angels 🫶🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️#I just wish it paid better#also gotta figure out a way to wear my headset so it doesn’t trigger my migraines cause that’s been a struggle#really really REALLY hope one day I’m able to get my own puppy but at least for now I get to take care of other dogs 🥰🥰🥰🥰#ask#thanks for asking 🫶
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I’m so tired.
#how do people make friends as adults#like I’ve been at uni 3 years#I’ve joined clubs#gone to events with people#cooked dinners and had takeaways sat in the living room#and yet somehow always seem to be an after thought#I’m literally a week away from handing in my dissertation with lots of work today#and the housing situation here sucks#and two people who I’ve been talking to about housing#who know how badly it all sucks#have put in for a flat of their own without saying anything#and I get it#it’s not really a shock cause like they’re a couple that can get a 1 bed and split the cost#they’ve been together 18 months#but I’m not even worth the talk apparently.#is it me is there something fundamentally wrong with my ability to make friends#or am I just really crap at picking people out#and like. they’re not awful people don’t get me wrong#but I also reckon if I went home from here for an extended period of time.#or left after uni#I’d never see any of them again#and apparently I feel badly enough about it all that I need to shout into the void here.#something that I do not do at all#but I have no idea what I’m doing now and finding somewhere new to live that is walkable to the uni is really difficult cause#for a uni town they sure don’t like students in any of their properties#I have so much work to do I should not be worrying about any of this right now#but I’d like to just play the switch instead and forget about this project or other people for a while#and I can’t cause this is due in on Wednesday and there’s still lots to do#and I can’t even complain about it to anyone cause they all talk to each other#a little circle of gossip that just goes round and round
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