#•》I wanna live my life from a new perspective (rp)

[protectivemuses-archived]

Muses Found Here (Revamped 4.19.22)

Primary; Most written, open to any and everything (Asks, threads, etc.) 

Takemichi

Chifuyu

Mitsuya

Kazutora

Sanzu

Secondary; Some interaction, will be written if asked or mentioned in asks or threads

Mikey

Koko

Shinichiro

Izana

Request; Have had almost no interaction if any, Please DM about first

Wakasa

Ran

[sorryiwasbornstupid-blog]

Tag Dump

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[pocmuzings]

A GUIDE BARELY ANYBODY ASKED FOR: writing smut foreplay 101.

NOTE: every body is different. every person likes different things, and reacts different ways. i’m writing from my various personal experiences as a Self Assigned Hoe, also the self titled Smut Queen of the rpc. NONE OF THIS IS DEFINITIVE. if you’re unsure- ask your writing partner first. always.

pls be warned this is quite nsfw and straight up Filth. it also is written from my perspective as a cis-gender, pansexual woman.

IMPORTANT OOC STUFF:

always, always keep communication to your rp partner open. consent is sexy. especially with writing.

gauge the mood. if you suggest something to your writing partner and they just say ‘yeah’ or ‘ok’... don’t take it as 100% go ahead. sometimes people, especially in the rpc, will say yes just because they don’t know how to say no. an ENTHUSIASTIC YES is really really good and necessary!!!

vice versa, make sure you tell your partner if you’re not comfortable with something. if you said yes to begin with to writing a scene, but slowly u start feeling uncomfortable and weird... guess what? U CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND!!! I GUARANTEE U NOBODY WILL BE MAD! IF THEY ARE- DUMP THEM AS A WRITING PARTNER!  change your mind whenever u want, about whatever u want. writing is meant for u. its meant for u to be comfortable. ur lil safe kinky space, if u so wish it to be!

talk to ur partner. be their pal. be their fwend. writing smut can escalate v quickly, and if ur not an active talker to ur writing partner, then sometimes things can get misconstrued, or uncomfortable. even if it’s just a check in like ‘HEY HOW WAS UR DAY’ or ‘is what im writing ok????? i love when ur character does ___’ or idk. just be comfortable and friendly!!!

u don’t have to write paragraphs and paragraphs of smut. just.. give a lil detail though. give a lil smth to ur writing partner. like any other reply, just writing one sentence is not really enough for another writer to reply to.

GENERAL SEX TIPS THAT I’VE PICKED UP THAT HELP ME WITH WRITING:

anal is super popular and super wanted atm. i’m not going to say it’s a ‘trend’, bc it’s not really. but it’s definitely becoming more and more mainstream. this DOESN’T MEAN u have to do it / write it, but just know that most ppl atm are on the butt train (yahoo!). so.. yeah, expect anal to be a ~written abt thing or Wanted thing

other ‘popular’ kinks i’ve noticed atm (through fb groups im part of and just friends in general) are choking, and spanking. but this is NOT everybody’s kink. just bc it’s ‘popular’ doesn’t mean its right for ur character. kinky, rough sex is becoming more mainstream i’ve noticed.

a handjob is like.... not ever super wanted. it’s a handjob. it’s not the greatest thing in the world. as far as sexy things go, this is basic tier. a handjob is better than nothing, but i don’t rlly know anybody who actively wants a handjob.

same with fingering- look, fingering is fine, and it can get things in motion, but it’s really hard to orgasm from fingering. i’d say borderline impossible, but this is just from me (and, again, the gals in my lives) experience. fingering is GOOD as a beginning saucy movement, just like a handjob is good to begin with.. but climaxing from it is not Super Likely.

cum is messy and gets everywhere. everywhere. 

pre-cum is a thing. discharge is a thing. women getting wet is a thing. it’lll happen. it’s messy. it’s a lot sometimes, and it’s really.. slick (idk how else to explain it, but it helps with the MOVEMENT of things greatly). it’s good to write abt bc guess what? it means somebody is turned on! this is GOOD

look a ‘tight vagina’ or whatever u wanna call it, is not a Good Thing, bc it means a person isn’t turned on enough / wet enough

when writing basically anything about genitalia... use spit. oh my god use so much spit. be disgusting with how much spit is there, bc u need that as LUBE (unless ur writing ur characters using lube!!!)

write vocal characters. in my experience, nobody is ever 100% quiet during sexy times. if ur character is being touched in a way they like, trust me- they’ll be moaning. they’ll be rocking their hips. they’ll be whispering more, more, more, yeah, like that etc.

if writing rough sex, have a safe word for the characters ic. practice safe sex even with writing! safe words are rlly good bc they also actually help create a safe ooc environment too!! that way, if somebody doesnt want to say smth ooc, they can say it ic, and hopefully feel more comfortable 

write realistic sex. pls. write about the awkward noises. or the accidental wrong movement. or the laughing. sex isn’t always magnificent and beautiful. it’s clumsy and silly. and it’s fun to write it that way, bc.. look, smut is meant to be fun! so make it fun! write it as fun and silly and goofy as u want!!!!

yes cis-men have the prostate and its located in the butthole fdnjkfjkndf. but u can’t write ur character just shoving a finger in a butt. characters, just like people ooc, need to maintain communication before trying anything ‘new’ like that. safe sex everyone!!!

don’t go straight to what’s between the legs. neck kisses. nipples. breasts, back scratch, dirty talk... this is all VERY IMPORTANT to foreplay. don’t ever use write ur characters diving on in, especially not to female muses bc female bodies work v differently. we need waRMING UP! we need a lil teasing.

write hand movement! write where your characters hands are. are they carded through hair? are they gripping sheets? are they clawing at someone’s back? digging into scalps? hands are ALWAYS doing something.

writing about shaving / hair down there is not super necessary, but u do u.

involuntary noises / movements happen a lot when smth is GOOD during foreplay. gasps. moans. cries. hips jolting. mouth falling open. 

foreplay is so SO important before sex. in real life, and in smut. if i write with someone and they go STRAIGHT to writing sex, no foreplay, im like ... hewwo ?? this just isn’t realistic, and my coochie clenches. 

when writing... make ur characters ask the dumb qs u’d probably ask real life. ‘should i get a condom?’ ‘are you on anything?’ ‘did that hurt?’  ‘can i cum in you?’ ffjnkf u get what i mean? i hope.

cis men do cum pretty quickly, especially compared to women. 

showers are fine for sexy times, but WATER is NOT lubricant.

READ FAN FICTION. there’s some really really good fan fiction out there, and it actually does help with ur own writing 

if a character likes something and says ‘yeah’ or ‘like that’... that doesn’t mean necessarily to write another character ‘speeding up’ or getting rougher. if somebody likes something ‘like that’, then keep it ‘like that’, or pick up the pace a little as encouragement. 

WRITING HAND JOBS / FINGERING:

finger movement on the outside of a vagina is just as important as finger movement on the inside. sometimes it can be more important, bc some people are more sensitive on the outside. (i’m not using technical terms bc nothing abt this post is technical or medical lmao)

if u don’t use lube or spit on ur hand when giving a penis a handjob.. it’ll probably hurt the person a little and be rough and not very Easy on either party

a handjob can be pretty fuckin awkward (i’ve been told + found personally). it’s just two people lying / sitting there, with one hand uncomfortably angled to jack off another person. it’s probably the most silent of all foreplay things which is why every person i know (female, male, cis, non cis) hate handjobs. 

ur hand and fingers might cramp a little if ur fingering a female, and the movements might get a little clumsy, but thats OKAY TOO!!! 

the angle of ur hand when fingering is important. if ur just shoving it down some pants/  trousers, it doesn’t leave a lot of movement so it won’t be super Great. under a skirt, or better yet- naked, makes things a LOT easier bc u have more Room.

write about the fingers. write about them moving up and down. don’t just rub them over the clit, or have them inside a vagina. that’s not exactly how it works. we need some pressure. we need a little rub. mainly near the clitoris or on the actual clitoris itself

don’t ever start by writing fast movements. u gotta write about building a motion and speed. start slow, then speed it up. 

fingering: circular motions over near the clit slowly, then a liiiiittle faster. stroking motions up and down. moving up towards the clit properly, then back down and slowly inserting a finger. then pull the finger out. repeat. keep each movement slow and deliberate and teasing. fdjkndfbnjkdfjnk graphic, i know. but. i mean. that’s a good first foreplay move i’ve found ???

handjob: thumb over the tip first as a lil tease, then slowly roll your hand in a fist motion all the way down the length (keep ur arm in a ‘straight’ movement.) then back up. twist ur hand, especially near the tip. move a little faster if ur lubed up enough, and then u can even give a lil ball squeeze if ur feeling courageous. keep that movement going. the FASTER ur hand moves, the more close somebody will get to orgasm, bc for them it’s sometimes all abt friction. 

starting with fingering / a hand job is like the first step of a dance usually. start with hands and fingers, THEN rock on baby, to --

WRITING ORAL SEX:

as previously mentioned, use a LOT of spit or lube. slick that bitch up.

cis-women are never wet constantly. ever. in fact, u can get dry pretty quickly again, so it’s not uncommon to write abt somebody spitting ‘down there’, just like u’d spit on a penis when giving a blowjob. 

most cis-men like their balls being played with a lil. so.. dfjnknj write about balls. i know it can be awkward and weird and the word ‘BALLS’ is not sexy. just try mention some movement there. some playing, or squeezing, or whatever word u feel comfortable using. especially during blowjobs. it’s just a good thing to do if u don’t know what to do with ur hands. don’t go crazy and just grab balls really roughly. 

if ur writing about a blowjob on a penis, deepthroating is never gonna happen straight off the bat. u gotta warm up ur throat a little, get ur throat to relax inch by inch, and not gag a lot. i promise u can’t just shove a whole dick down ur throat, unless u have the gag reflex of a porn star.

BUT also. write gagging. gagging happens a lot with blowjobs. i’ve never blown a guy who hasn’t loved the sound of gagging / choking a little 

jaws ache from oral. it’s a lot of the same movements and exertion, and YEAH IT CAN HURT UR JAW

tongues are ur best friend. a tongue should definitely be mentioned when writing oral on ANYONE.

write about hands AND mouth when writing oral. (use fingers and tongue when writing about going down on a female, and use hand in a fist movement around penis, when writing a blowjob, bc gripping with ur hand what ur mouth can’t reach yet is a+)

when writing a blowjob, focus on balls, yes- but also mention the tip. it’s sensitive for most guys, so a lil swirl of the tongue, or a suck or whatever... that’s good usually!!!

when writing going down on a female- move the tongue a lot. over the clit. then back down. use ur whole damn mouth and get messy. some ppl have a sensitive clit and direct movement onto it can be a lil overwhelming / overstimulating / painful, so yes- clit is good, but it can also be a little too much for some ppl!

write about lips. when going down on someone, lips also create sensations. it’s not the same as TONGUE, obviously, but it’s still soft and warm and it’s definitely something u feel. 

if ur writing about eating a girl out: tongues can be soft and flat, or they can a little pointy when u tense them. alternating between these 2 movements can be rlly good and pleasurable. starting soft and flat near the clit is good, before moving down to stick ur tongue in a little, and move it / wiggle it. but trust me - most of the action should be SOFT especially near the clit, bc it’s sensitive.

if you’re writing about a blowjob: suction. and moving quickly. hollow out those cheeks, and write about the tongue moving as the mouth does. suck hard, but not like.... ur character isn’t a vaccuum cleaner. they should suck ‘eagerly’ or whatever, and use their hand and tongue to help them out. trust me ur jaw will lock / hurt, u cannot suck a dick for like an hour. 

if u deepthroat a penis enough, ur voice can get pretty fucked up sounding, but i’ve never had it last longer than the next day or so. it just sounds like u’ve got a cold / sore throat (and thats bc u do)

some people just don’t like oral. some people aren’t comfortable in their bodies and can’t get out of their minds when it comes to it- which is super understandable. it’s a very intimate, close thing, bc hello -somebody is staring at ur genitalia basically. so hey, if u don’t wanna write it / don’t like it, then that’s completely chill too!

you don’t have to write about ‘the taste’. in fact, it’s absolutely ok and i’d prefer if u don’t bc i personally think that gets a bit weird. u can mention there IS a taste, but u don’t have to get into particulars bc that can get kinda icky. like ... it’s genitalia. we all know it won’t taste like a peach or whatever.

cis-women orgasm from oral sex, i think sometimes more often than they orgasm from actual penetrative sex? this is based off things i’ve read, and again, my own experience. 

oral sex can take a loooong ass time to reach orgasm sometimes. it’s barely ever a two-reply-thread piece. it’s always gonna be longer then that, if ur writing it realistically. sometimes reaching climax during oral, for any gender, can take anywhere up to an hour ??? if we’re being generous ??? again, cis men are more likely to cum first, BUT good oral sex can be dragged on for a while, for anybody. 

WRITING ASS / ANAL STUFF:

im gonna say it straight up. yes. it kinda feels like pooping almost when somebody fingers ur butt. but in a weirdly.. good way. idk how to describe it. 

getting fingered in the ass is SLOW work.  a finger will NOT just go in, especially not DRY. u need saliva / lube. you need the other person to be relaxed, or breathing, and u need to coax them through it all.

u don’t really know whats going on back there if ur on the receiving end. like. u can’t TELL by feeling on what’s going on. real talk: a guy fingered me once and i thought it was two fingers, but it was 3, and then later- when he put his dick in it was fine as well bc he’d relaxed me and gotten me to feel rlly comfortable and Safe. so TRUST me thats important when writing butt stuff. i can’t stress it enough.

it feels Strained. like it isn’t necessarily painful the entire time, but u can FEEL very full. so yeah, nobody is gonna have a finger in their ass and then immediately be ready for another, or be bouncing back , knuckle deep. u need a lot of patience and time for this.

if ur a cis-female... butt stuff is Fine, but its not a way to achieve orgasm, bc honestly there’s nothing stimulating u. it feels nice and the Roughness can be a kink, but u probably won’t orgasm / cum from it

use a lot of spit and a LOT of lube

u can’t just shove a dick / multiple fingers in someones ass either. u gotta stretch it out. take ur time. it literally can take an hour + sometimes more to get someone relaxed and stretched out enough. the amount of spit / lube and fingering needed is ridiculous

when it comes to ass stuff- make sure ur character is BREATHING in order to relax their muscles. everytime they’re relaxed, everything moves easier (this just goes for sex stuff in general too!)

eating ass is a thing, and look- ur not meant to ‘douche’ regularly bc apparently it’s bad for u. so if ur writing abt anal / butt stuff, u do NOT need to write abt anything poopy related or any of the douching stuff. its a silent rule, just like in real life. we don’t talk abt it djknfgnkjd

honestly, the overall feeling of Butt Stuff is just one of being Full and a lil Stretched, and if ur into Pain / a very different feeling then it’s a Good Feeling bc it just is all abt trusting n putting ur body in someone else’s hands (and fingers)

getting ur ass eaten feels warmer / more pleasurable than fingers bc a tongue in general is just nicer and softer then fingers are. 

spread them cheeks, boys, girls and non gender conforming folk

if ur gonna touch a cis-girls ass with ur tongue or fingers or anything... pls make sure ur stimulating her clit at the same time. i promise that can make things speed up in terms of relaxation and pleasure v quickly.

always ask a cis-male before going near his ass (but also in general, always ask before doing anything), especially rlly Straight Dudes bc they get SUPER defensive abt their own ass being touched 

anal stuff can be GREAT for foreplay just bc it’s a bit risque and it’s a bit Rougher and Harder just bc it’s a tighter hole. so, honestly yeah a lil finger in the ass whilst being eaten out isn’t terrible, or being fingered there at the same time as being fingered elsewhere can  also feel pretty Spicy, depending on ur taste

for cis-men, butt stuff  can be a  VERY quick way to orgasm. especially if ur blowing them / stroking them at the same time

anal / ass stuff isn’t for everyone. don’t write it if ur not comfortable. don’t do it if ur not comfortable. 

WRITING AN ORGASM:

the body shakes, tenses, spasms and generally loses a little bit of control

ur grip turns very intense and Harsh

back arching is a Thing

hands yanking at hair is a Thing

for when a cis-man orgasms... it can happen quite suddenly, but it’ll be a little twitch, and u can FEEL them tense. fast movement is what usually gets them to orgasm Quicker, i’ve found. 

for everybody else, i feel like it can be harder to achieve orgasm, but when it happens- your legs get all tense and squeeze the SHIT out of the head between them, and u definitely make some noise. orgasm can just happen, and sometimes with women especially.. it’s kinda easier to fake orgasm bc there’s never truly a Way To Tell physically???? this could be entirely wrong, of course, but there’s SO MUCH discussion and research based on the female orgasm that i feel like i can’t write anything abt it here bc it’s SO different for everyone.

just follow the general rule: ‘you’ll know when it happens’. ‘you’ll know when you know’. 

orgasms won’t always happen. it can get CLOSE but not happen, and it’s not always some big disappointing, ‘blue-balls’ event. it happens, or it doesn’t. sometimes u can write amazing head, and the other character won’t cum, and u know what? that’s ok too.

[luxfurem]

@treppenwitzz​​ asked: i need all the deets about your bellatrix... ALSO ANJI i wanna know more about anji | MEME.

So... this ended up really long and therefore it’s under the cut! I sort of left out the “who they could get along with” part but I also feel like that really just depends on verses and such, so we can totally discuss that sometime  🥺🥺🥺

Bellatrix Lestrange

TW for mentions of alcohol, abuse, death and miscarriage

TROPES/ARCHETYPES: The Champion, Femme Fatale

Bellatrix is the very first muse that I officially wrote on indie, but also a muse that I’ve explored in the many group rps I’ve been in in the years before that. Because of that, she’s been through a lot of changing and tweaking over the years, but I like what I’ve got going for her now.

I’m absolutely a big fan of villain characters and I support the humanizing of them because in my mind, it is all the more terrifying that a villain could like the same things as you, could be like you, but be capable of such terrible things. I think it creates a frightening perspective that’s the quiet sort of terrifying, and it’s what I aim to do with Bella. I wanted to create a villainous woman who is powerful without being sorry for it.

I do want to stress that a villain doesn’t necessarily become worthy or deserving of pity or redemption because their story contains sad aspects. In the end, everyone encounters terrible and sad things in life, and it’s what you do with these experiences that matters. If you become bitter or vengeful, that is a decision, and the consequences of however you decide to treat the world after are not cancelled out because of the reason why you became this way.

On the one hand, she is this terrifyingly powerful witch who, despite her comparatively young age, climbed up the ranks of the death eaters to the position of lieutenant at Voldemort’s side, but on the other she is someone’s daughter, someone’s sister, someone’s wife. I wanted to explore how these two aspects of her story intertwine, or, in some cases, clash.

My Bella is a bit canon-divergent in that I absolutely refuse to write a woman who’s completely submissive to a man, especially one that doesn’t deserve it. Of course, I don’t want to stray too far from her original arc in that I still believe she’s absolutely starstruck by Voldemort, but she is more interested in his abilities, his mind and his cunning than she is in him as a partner. It’s a different kind of infatuation, where she isn’t all too sure if she wants him or wants to BE him. In time, she settles with neither, and becomes his champion, instead. She’s a knight under his banner, a soldier under his command.

Much of Bella’s arc comes down to a dominant woman living in a society that doesn’t like dominant women. Pureblood circles are catered to the pureblood man, whereas the woman’s job, much like in societies of previous eras, is to bear a husband's children to continue the pureblood line. It’s a crude and sexist thing, and Bella wants none of it. From a young age, she rebels against her father’s firm beliefs in the way things are supposed to be, and rebels against her mother’s attempts to “guide” her back to how she’s supposed to be. She’s the feral child with the holes in her dresses, the scrapes on her legs from climbing trees and running too fast. Her long hair always tangled and messy. She knows that as a girl in the Black family, the highest achievement would have been to become matriarch, but even that wasn’t ever going to be enough for Bella.

When her mother dies, about two years after the birth of Narcissa, the matriarch of the Black family, Walburga, takes over the role for a short amount of time while her father drinks his grief away. After Sirius is born, however, even this steadiness falls away, as their aunt spends her full time caring for him and the second son, Regulus, born a year after. This leaves Bella to assume responsibility for her sisters at the age of 8. Her fights with her father, their temperaments going head to head resulting in situations I don’t really care to divulge about.

Once accepted into Hogwarts is where things start to divert. From one day to the next, her previously always messy hair is neatly combed back into a braid. Her clothes are pristine, not a spot in sight, and her sharp commentary is kept to a minimum. To all those around her, it seemed she had finally heeded her mother’s wishes, and embraced her place in society. But to those who knew her well enough, to her sisters and to her cousins, there was a stubborn fire burning behind those crow-black eyes, burning higher and brighter the more time passed. It was only a matter of time until the fire either consumed her, or consumed those around her.

It was at the age of 17, during her last year at Hogwarts, that Bellatrix was introduced to the Dark Lord. She’d seen him before, of course, but the Black family had stoically kept their stance on the matter of his campaign neutral, although this wouldn’t last. Her fiance-to-be, Rodolphus, who was a few years her senior, had already joined the ranks, and Voldemort’s actions could no longer be brushed off as a mere whim by the family. And Bella, who desired more than the life of a housewife, saw this as an opportunity to lift herself up.

I want to stress that I, as both a Tom Riddle and Bellatrix writer, don’t think their dynamic was of a romantic or lustful nature at all at this point in time, if ever. Voldemort saw the fire and the potential, and decided that he wanted both of these things for himself, for his ranks. She exceeded expectations and he decided that, if anyone was worthy to be his student, it was her. Over the course of the next two years, he trained her in the dark arts, eventually revealing her, at the age of nineteen, to be his new lieutenant. This was met with some resistance, of course. but Bella was quick to silence that. After all, she had risen above her station, and it had taken effort. She was not about to lose that to a bunch of butthurt men.

It’s also around this time that she marries Rodolphus, whom she puts through the ringer for months before and even post-marriage. She hated the idea of being passed from one man (her father) to another (her husband), as if she is nothing more than a possession. The marriage was arranged, and this bothered her, too, considering her lack of choice in the matter. And because she couldn’t exactly fight her father on it, she fought Rodolphus instead. On every turn, hoping he would be turned off and cancel it. After all, a man’s voice, even if he was only an heir, and not patriarch, still sounded louder than a woman’s voice ever would. But it only seemed to invigorate him, pulling closer the more she pushed. As if he were attracted to the fire, wanted to scorch himself just to stand in the light. He never forced her and he never would, even as she refused to let him into their marriage bed for months, even as she taunted him and ridiculed him. The marriage, in time, seemed to grant her a certain freedom that she never had as a daughter of house Black. She could go where she pleased, do as she pleased, pursue her position among the death eaters as she wanted to. She lost her wariness towards him, her anger. And eventually, she learned to love him.

Bellatrix used to be closest to her sister Andromeda. The two of them were, for a long time, practically inseparable, two halves of a whole. It was as if they should have been twins, and what one lacked, the other would possess. Where one went, you could soon expect the other to be. That was, of course, until Andromeda defected. When she did, Bella’s whole world collapsed. Her castle was captured from the inside, by sadness, by grief and by anger at the deceit. Because Andromeda hadn’t chosen her. Had chosen a “filthy mudblood” instead of her own sister, who had always cared for her, always been there for her. If Bella had had a mean streak, before, it was now full blown, a riptide that would destroy everything and everyone that didn’t get out of her way. She was devastated by the loss, and would never quite recover from it. This event had a huge impact on her view on muggleborns. Whereas before she allowed herself a certain tolerance, where she still viewed herself as holier than but limited her disdain to snooty looks and haughty comments, she now was actively hostile, threatening and garnering a reputation among the ranks of the death eaters for her ruthless, cruel actions.

During her marriage, Bella was pregnant exactly 4 times, but all 4 pregnancies ended up miscarriages fairly early on. It’s my belief that her problems stem from the inbreeding within the family and the English pureblood society in general. Contrary to her other beliefs on the woman in pureblood society, she was interested in being a mother and had the motherly instinct to go with it. Her not being capable of bearing children left her feeling devastated and hardened her heart. In AUs where she does have children, whether of her own or adopted, she develops a sort of caution, a knowledge that she isn’t just responsible for herself, but for this child as well. In these AUs, it keeps her out of Azkaban.

Speaking of Azkaban, I usually don’t write about her time there or really post-Azkaban, and this is mostly because I hate the narrative that she’s “crazy”, and I think it’s harmful towards people who have mental health problems. I believe, due to how Azkaban’s dementors suck the happiness out of people and how Azkaban looks like hell on earth, she suffers from a form of PTSD, but she is not “crazy”.

A few loose facts about her:

is bisexual but leans towards men

loves to write poetry, but she never shows it to anyone.

has a very low tolerance for alcohol and barely drinks.

loves coffee and can’t function without drinking it every morning

is obsessed with taking care of her hair. It’s long and dark and very well-maintained

loves to wear red lipstick

forced herself to learn to use her wand with both her left and her right hand

Anji Terryll

TROPES/ARCHETYPES: The Antihero, The Living Legend, The Reluctant Hero

Anji is actually one of my older muses, who doesn’t see the light of day often because I suppose the Skyrim fandom is sort of dead. On top of that, she’s a female oc. i don’t think i’ll need to explain this. Regardless of that and the lack of information I’ve put online about her ( which I actually seek to remedy by writing this ), she’s a quiet favorite who will never disappear from my roster.

I wanted to create a person who fate had been thrusted upon unwillingly. I wanted to create a woman who had never planned to do anything that didn’t benefit herself in life. Anji’s early life consisted of what was barely a life at the orphanage in Riften, where she watched the Thieves Guild lift jewelry from a man’s pocket with the man none the wiser. She never entertained the idea of being an honest worker, because she’d seen how the jarl treated honest workers. Of course, she knew that if she were to be caught thieving, the storm she’d call over herself would be worse, but that was only if she was going to be caught.

So she got herself into the Thieves’ Guild, worked her way up the ranks to Guild Master, before, near the border, she was caught stealing a horse and shipped off to Helgen, where the main story begins.

Anji is, from the start, reluctant about her supposed fate. She never believed in prophecies and rarely in Gods and now, everything was real, everything was true. And she was the main character of a legend. Thrust into a role she doesn’t think fit her. She isn’t who these people deserve, a thieving woman who serves only her own benefit. The people deserved a selfless knight, advocating for the survival of mankind, believing so wholly in oneself that they could overcome a legendary monster like Alduin the World-Eater. Someone who isn’t her. So she rejects her abilities, rejects her destiny, and pretends for months that she isn’t the one the Greybeards are calling from the Throat of the World.

And for a time, it works. For a time she can focus on the physical gain, the money she earns, the reputation. But in the back of her mind, the knowledge scratches at the door she keeps it behind. She sees the destruction the dragons are causing all over Skyrim, the terror of the people. The loss of morale. She tells herself that she decides to see what these Greybeards have to say, if only to tell them they’ll need to find someone else.

But she comes to learn that there is no one else. There is only her and her bow, and her lack of morale, against an ancient dragon.

Anji is the Reluctant Hero, the Unlikely Hero, not the woman you’d expect when one mentions the Dovahkiin. She’s slight and flighty, quick as a whip with her twin blades, relying on speed above strength. She prefers sneaking through the shadows instead of fighting her way through boldly and openly, and she never starts fights she can’t win. This doesn’t mean she won’t kill, and doesn’t mean she won’t use her powers, even for personal gain. She enjoys the power of the Voice and, as lore suggests, overtime grows more and more powerful (think: her voice can at some point burn the ice off a mountain), but she hates the responsibility that comes with it and will never fully accept it. She’s practical and quick-witted, more on the serious side of the spectrum, although she possesses a funny streak that only shows up in intimate settings ( think: close friends/guild/lovers ) or when she’s completely drunk. She observes each angle of a job or mission before proceeding, wanting to be ahead of each trap she might run into.

A few loose facts about her:

is bisexual but leans towards women

has absolutely no interest in bearing children, adopting is fine though

favors her bow over her twin blades

carries two daggers in each boot

In some verses she can be a werewolf for absolutely no other reason other than that i can

in modern verses she owns a martial arts school

Play smart not hard

[avarice-inclined]

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER .

Can be used for RP and non-RP blogs to get to know a bit about the person behind the screen!

1. FIRST NAME: emmett

2. STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: i have an overall weird talent for mimicking character voices, but the most notable one is Stitch from Lilo and Stitch

3. TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON:   -✧ eyes, definitely, even though it’s a bit of an oxymoron because of how much i HATE making direct eye-contact in conversation, but i like eyes when i can look and the person isn’t looking directly at me -✧ how a person smiles is a big one, because happiness is really heckin beautiful and it’s even better if i know i’m the cause of a smile -✧ freckles. i absolutely love freckles, like, the more the merrier. it’s like having constellations on their skin, like the universe doused them in glitter idk, they’re just super pretty 

4. A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF: mac n cheese, esp if it’s nice and gooey with lots of melted cheese. i go absolutely ham for good mac n cheese lol

5. A FOOD YOU HATE: i don’t really care for beans of any sort. baked beans are an exception but, like, they gotta be the sweet kind. i hate sausage, in general, esp breakfast sausage because the smell just makes my stomach feel bleugh 

6. GUILTY PLEASURE: collecting stupid quarter machine figurines and writing complex, self-insert fanfiction in my head that never make it into written form because i am not brave enough to actually write any of that shit down lmao

7. WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN: leggings and a t-shirt, sometimes just a shirt and nothin else cuz i live in florida in a house with no central air and it’s HOT don’t judge

8. SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS: serious, but only because i’m not emotionally capable of flings and i have to get p close to someone for anything bedroom-related to come up, and if it’s gotten to that point i’m definitely already HELLA ATTACHED and probably already telling the person ‘love you’ in casual conversation

9. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE: i honestly don’t know about this because, like, ideally i would have left my parents house way earlier than i did, or at least tried to assert my demand to be treated like a human being way earlier, but, then again, everything that’s happened in my life has led me to the point i’m at today and if things had gone just slightly different, i might not have met my husband, or i might not be as sure of my gender identity as i am now. so, like, even though a lot of things in my past REALLY SUCKED, there’s only a specific few things i might change but even then i’d be hesitant about it because i like how my life is now, even with all the shit i had to struggle through to get here.

10. ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON: probably, yeah, i am def that touch-starved bitch who craves physical affection, be it platonic, romantic, or otherwise. i’m not down to hug or cuddle with a stranger but, like, if i’m friends with someone and know they’re cool with it, they’re gettin loved on

11. A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN: all of the LoTR/Hobbit movies, any Studio Ghibli film, the last unicorn, WOLF CHILDREN EVEN THO IT MAKES ME LITTLE-GIRL SOB EVERY TIME, Venom, Detective Pikachu, THE PRINCESS BRIDE

12. FAVORITE BOOK: island of the blue dolphins, the entire animorphs series, DRAGONRIDERS OF PERN SERIES, actually just about any book with dragons in it where the dragons are complex and not evil is absolutely my jam, the Abhorsen series, also the Hunger Games... i don’t really have one specific favorite book that’s literally impossible to decide lol

13. YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE: anything that isn’t a spider or a bug that can inflict bodily harm unto my person. i just really love all animals okay just gimme a farm house or a ranch so i can have ALL of my favorite animals in one place that’d be ideal. but if i had to pick just one i’d want my cat because she’s the best little girl and i’ve only had her for 4 days but i would die for this chaotic little ball of fluff you have no idea. i am incomplete without a cat at my side

14. TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL]: (FMA) ed/winry or ed/ling, just let the kids be happy, (WITCHER) geralt/jaskier/yen, because geralt has two hands and both of them deserve to be held, (FMA) greed/not dying au’s, I JUST WANT MY BOY TO HAVE A HAPPY ENDING IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?, (ATLA) katara/zuko/aang, lemme have my loving polyam pairings, (ADVENTURE ZONE) taako/kravitz, because the bar doesn’t get much higher than seducing the grim reaper with threat of tentacles

15. PIE OR CAKE: i literally cannot choose between the two, i have favorites from both categories and i BAKE so that makes it even harder

16. FAVORITE SCENT: vanilla, peaches, and books

17. CELEBRITY CRUSH: brendan urie or kiera knightley... also david tennant

18. IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO: new zealand, because i’m a nerd and that’s where LoTR was filmed, but i’d also like to go to japan

19. INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT: definitely an introvert

20. DO YOU SCARE EASILY: very much so, but i do still enjoy horror themes in movies and games, even if i can’t play most games myself and have to watch lets plays of them

21. IPHONE OR ANDROID: i’ve only ever had android phones. the only apple device i ever had was an iPad but since i was only using it for art i don’t have much of an opinion on it beyond that lol

22. DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES: i’m currently playing the witcher 3, whichever final fantasy has Noctis in it- i don’t know what the number is because i have a hard time reading roman numerals, kingdom hearts 3, and animal crossing new leaf (if any of you also play i am welcome to giving out my friend code if you’re interested!)

23. DREAM JOB: making a living off my art, or even getting into video game design

24. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS: pay off debt/overdue bills, finally get hormone therapy and top surgery, and get myself and my friends and chosen family into a better house and away from abusive situations

25. FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE: i don’t think there are any characters that i hate tbh, i might hate things that certain characters DO, but that’s not the same as hating the character itself. from a design perspective, though, Tingle from LOZ can fuck right off, actually. WAIT SCRATCH THAT. SHOU TUCKER CAN SWALLOW A CACTUS WHOLE. that is all. ahem.

26. FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER: twi//light, until i realized just how gross smeyer was and how her writing is, objectively, not as great as everyone made it out to be

tagged by: stole this from @dolcetters tagging: if you wanna do it, go for it!

[theharellan]

So it’s Dragon Age Day, and the prompt for this year is “How has Dragon Age changed you?” and while I didn’t submit anything, this was partially because of how busy I was the last few weeks and also it’s hard summarising the ways the series has changed or affected my life. I still wanted to talk about it somehow though, so I’m gonna write about it here! CW for mild discussion of depression and heteronormativity.

I first picked up Dragon Age completely on a whim, I wanna say the summer of 2011 because I’d just finished my first year in undergrad. I think I’d seen my dad play it once or twice but I actually thought it looked bad, because like... Origins is ugly. I love it, but it’s not a pretty game, and its gameplay didn’t do much to sell me, either. But I picked it up because I was bored, and immediately after I hit “new game” I saw I could play as a dwarven princess and I was hooked. My first true Dragon Age love was actually Gorim Saelac, and Alistair would always be a step down from him, sorry Alistair.

I blazed through the game in a matter of days, and I saw that Dragon Age II had been released earlier this year. I also saw it was getting pretty mixed reviews, and said to my dad I probably don’t want it. He didn’t listen to me and bought it anyway, which is also how I ended up with AC: Unity, but in this case I’m glad he didn’t listen because DA2 is my second fave in the series now, after Inquisition.

I went into the game sort of expecting to romance Fenris or Anders, I’d never actually picked a woman to romance in these types of games. I grew up on Harvest Moon, where you were sort of forced to play as a man and romance women, and it was a novelty to get to be a woman and date men. Also, I’d been a big fan of Final Fantasy XII and loved Fenris’ voice. Only then I met them and they were both very angry and intense and I was immediately turned off.

So I romanced Merrill.

There are problems with that romance, no question, but romancing Merrill was probably one of the first positive ways I’d been able to express my attraction to women ever, even if I wouldn’t quite realise my romantic orientation until years after. Like, before it had been put upon me, because developers didn’t realise that Harvest Moon fans had a significant female fanbase and made me play as a man, or shell out more money for a second version of the game, and there was no option to be queer. Or it was things like when my internalised sexiam and internalised homophobia got tangled in a net when I was a child and I wound up disliking fictional female characters I had a crush on until I grew out of it. Or assumed heteronormativity made me believe it was just friendship I was feeling. Being able to choose to play a woman and choose to romance a woman meant a lot to me, especially as Merrill quickly became my favourite character in the series. I joke sometimes that “Merrill made me gay” but these games-- and other Bioware games or those like it-- gave me space to explore what I hadn’t explored in reality, thanks to heteronormativity and the struggles that I find a lot of ace people have with figuring out their romantic orientation.

But that wasn’t the only way Dragon Age helped change me. As I said, I started the series after my first year in college, and by the time Inquisition came out I had just graduated a few months prior. I was unemployed and wasn’t sure what to do with myself, and was in a deep depressive episode that in some ways I’m still trying to claw myself out of. Inquisition was the main thing I was looking forward to, albeit with some apprehension as I was overall disappointed with Mass Effect 3. As it turned out, I didn’t have to worry, as it became my favourite. Playing Inquisition, as well as replaying the other two, helped alleviate my mood, as did writing. I had made an rp blog for my Inquisitor, Thora, the day before the game came out, and after the Temple of Mythal I made a blog for Solas.

Writing both of these characters has really helped me over the years. Through Solas I was able to better understand my own mental health issues, researching his symptoms and seeing myself reflected in them. Same with Thora, the expectations put on her and the anxieties she has, some she could meet and some she couldn’t.

I also started writing Solas around the same time I started drifting farther left, and while I can’t credit Dragon Age for turning me into a leftist, that would be doing a disservice to the real, living, breathing activists who influenced me, it was unquestionably a lens through which I could see corruption in power structures and the importance of them being dismantled. My first time playing DA:O I was sort of neutral on the concept of Circles, I sided with the mages, thought things like the Rite of Tranquility were cruel, and advocated that Jowan be let go, but with our main perspectives coming from Wynne, who is pro-Circle, and Morrigan, who has a very Randian view of “they didn’t stop this so they deserve it,” it wasn’t until DA2 and replaying DA:O that I began to question its existence entirely. Which I think is one of the brilliant things about DA:O, it introduces the world in such a way that you step into it as though you lived it, rather than dropping you into the world similar to a TES game. It grants the player an opportunity to learn to question the existing power structures through slow experience and learning, rather than an rpg where you have so little context that you question it because you are a stranger dropped into an unjust world.

The last thing I wanted to talk about the way Dragon Age has changed me is through the fandom. Korth knows we have had our differences and frustrations, but as I said I started writing Solas five years ago, and in those five years I’ve met a lot of people through this fandom. Many of the people I was writing with five years ago aren’t around anymore, but some still are and I want to say I appreciate your presence so much, whether we talk or we are just comfortable mutuals, whether you’ve moved fandoms and still follow me or still talk to me on Discord. Through writing Solas and Thora I’ve met some of my best friends, and my darling Joly, which is more than I could ever ask of any game. It’s strange to think that something I picked up on a whim one boring summer is why I have the happiness I do now, but I’m grateful to it, to the hundreds of people who created the game, and most of all the people in the fandom I’m lucky enough to call ‘friend.’

[jq37]

Ok, a few Unsleeping City asks: 1-Thoughts on new ep? 2-CAMBRIDGE SANTALYTICA 3-The gang tries to meet up for drinks

**spoilers for mutant santa melee**

(I’ll respond to the other two parts of the ask in another post!)

We are back with our first battle episode of the season and our first chance to see the NY Crew really show their skills.

Ricky trying to keep Sophie's reckless ass safe because he has big golden retriever energy is great.

I can't decide if everyone taking this first fight more seriously than the first fight in FH is because they remember how badly they got womped last time and didn't want a repeat or because they were just playing older, more experienced characters.

I hate everything about these mutant Santas and I want it on the record. I mean, they're great from a game design perspective but I hate them.

"Mr. March, I'm gonna save you!"/"My name is Rick, by the way."

I thought it was funny that Ricky and Sophie both happened to hit the exact wrong type of Santa for their skillset for their first attack, back to back.  

Fig's Bardic Inspiration move was to do flirty winks at everyone. Misty's is to give big, theatrical compliments. I love it.  

Ricky dropping gun safety warnings mid MUTANT SANTA FIGHT.

"Fucking come out of your stupid cocoon! I know you're not a butterfly!"

I love it when rolls are happening at the table and Lou is loudly like, "This is terrible. I hate this." He did it all through the family rescue rolls in FH too.

"It's fine. It's fucking new York. What do you expect?"/"The NY that I live in and the NY that you live in are very different my friend." That's the real NY experience.

Sophie going, "F the minions, I'm going for the obvious boss Monster, I'll take the attacks," is such a good character defining moment. Also, the action-y music abruptly cutting off as the door shut was hilarious.

So Pete is hearing mysterious whispers and Sophie is hearing mysterious whispers and I'm Concerned, especially since it's the two newbies and it's not necessarily significant but it could be so I'm just mentioning it and tabling it until I have more info to speculate.

Misty turning to Kingston and saying, "Just like old times!" makes me want to know every single detail of their history together before the new kids showed up.

"Santa's my friend and he's fucking dead."

I like the homebrew rule for Pete's wild magic surge which makes the odds of one increase every time it doesn't happen because it ups the chaos factor and makes it inevitable rather than just a possibility which I bet has the potential to create some real tension in a long, drawn out fight.

The way Brennan kept describing Pete's arm as peeling like a banana when he used his magic grossed me out so much so, if that was the goal, you did it. Thanks, I hate it.

The, "Guess I'll just die," meme but it's Pete going, "Guess I'll just use this evil magic."

"Darling I love to be naughty. It's my favorite thing!" (Misty's chaos potential increases with every line she says).

"SANTA GETYCHO ASS UP." (Flawless bedside manner)

I forgot how fragile lower level characters can be! I'm glad so many of the party members have at least some healing spells (I think everyone but Pete and Sophie) as opposed to FH when it was basically just Kristen I think.

"He just gives us a PS4 and that's it."

Sophie monkey bars up Giant Eldritch Horror Santa's exposed ribcage and upercut-kick him because stripping Emily of her magic doesn't strip her of her creativity or flair.

"Darling, with me every day is a show. My life is a show!"

Sophie, upon being complimented by Misty: Oh my God. My new friends are awesome.

The idea of a dirty rat man summoning a unicorn is hilarious to me.

Pete's first Wild Magic surge just restores his sorcery points, which is great as a player but, as a viewer, I really hope we get to see some bombastic nonsense soon. Also, Brennan had the wild magic surge, in story, be the result of Pete's magic reacting to Kingston's, which I thought was a cool way to justify game mechanics.

"You're the opposite of Santa!"

Smites are GOOD you guys.

Sophie catches Santa and and Ricky (who has just killed the boss Santa) takes a selfie with them. Bless. Also, Sophie refuses to put down Santa for the rest of the fight.

Misty has an umbrella with a KNIFE inside of it which I LOVE.

The fight ends a little anticlimactically because, once you bum rush the boss, all that's left to do is clean up the minions.

Misty mentioned having Shoes of Titania and I wanna know if that's an actual item with a mechanical effect and what its stats are if so.

Ally realizing they only some of the Santas explode on impact basically at the end of the fight was classic DnD.

Santa sending people into his bag was giving me big Naddpod vibes.

"What the fuck happened?" --Santa, 2019

I don't like the implication of the gestating tadpoles with the Santa hats. Like, is Santa's hat organic? Is it just a part of his body? No thank you.

Pete just lying to Santa's face for absolutely no reason. Incredible.

Santa and Misty talking shop, just because, was such a fun 30 seconds of RP. I love RP that exists just to exist (and, sidenote, I also love when it comes back around and becomes relevant like in Naddpod (14 seconds of absolute silence...chicken)).  

"Santa, don't give this boy an egg."

"A very fancy egg for a very not fancy boy. But a good boy nonetheless."

Ricky on Santa: It would be crazy if you weren't real because you're such a good person. (Zac struggling to get through that was his second best moment of the ep).

Pete gives Santa a bag of coke and tries to dip when she sees cops because, magic or not, that's Who He Is As A Person.

Santa: Pete, your soul is in jeopardy. (lol, Santa knew his name on sight which, of course he did. It's Santa. Duh.)

CENTAUR HORSE COP. I love that as much as I hate the mutant Santas.

Ricky, horrified: Am I on the bad list?/Santa, who is still processing that Ricky never stopped believing in Santa:Ricky, no. (That was my fave Ricky line of the ep, in case you were wondering)

So, in this world, Christian (Catholic specifically) figures explicitly exist, which is good to know. Also, in last episode and this one, the grey faced child mentioned Lazarus which I thought was just a stylistic name choice but that's a name w/ specific Biblical connotations (that's the dude Jesus brought back from the dead for those not up on your New Testament) and it still might be irrelevant, but it's one more thing for me to tack up on my conspiracy board.  

"Santa, are you Cambrdige Analytica?"

Anyway, Heaven and Hell use the naughty and nice list to figure out who goes where so they're not being redundant which is wild because that means Santa essentially gets to decide morality for the rest of the world and, as of now, Pete is super going to hell based on the look Santa gave him when they were talking about who's on the naughty list.

Santa's list has been stolen which is, como se dice, Bad. The specifics aren't clear, but it's super not good. Also, Santa lets the group know that they might wanna figure out what's going on with Pete before he chucks deuces and goes home. So it seems like we'll be seeing him again.

I wonder what the timeline for this season is gonna be. Like, Christmas seems like an obvious time for a big, climactic setpiece, but it'll have to be a really compressed timeline if that's what they're aiming for. Compressed compared to Fantasy High at least.

Sophie, illegally cracking a Mike's Hard in Central Park in front of a cop: Um, we're magic. (She gets a ticket immediately)

That's it for this week! Next week the mob (the pixie mob maybe?) and Siobahn has awesome hair!

[gotatext]

PREFERRED NAME — nora. i think i started going by it in like, 2009?? my full name is eleanor but i hated it n thought it was way too pretentious n i never felt like it fitted me so when i started writing on forums i decided i’d be a nora rather than eleanor and then my school friends called me it and it just kinda stuck, the only person who calls me eleanor is my mum

PRONOUNS — she / her / ethereal being beyond comprehension

AGE — 23 but i tell everyone im 21 because even tho time is literally fake im desperately clinging to that fleeting thing we call youth trying to catch it like smoke in my hands

PINTEREST — i actually have two. this one is my main one where i just cram all my shit n i’ve had it for years and some of its super unorganised. then i also have this one which is one i made for exclusively female characters. it started as mythological figures but now its like, women in literature and the occasional oc as well. variety is the spice of life!

DISCORD — lindsay lohan’s meth#8664

TUMBLR (PERSONAL/MUSE/RPH) — i used to be froseths but now im pvrscphones cos ya gal is a fucking whore for mythology 

OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — oi oi guvna ere’s me twitta. also here’s my letterboxd n my goodreads if anyone still uses tht

MYER-BRIGGS — enfp / infp border .... the classic profile of a lit student

HP HOUSE — hufflepuff, am fuckin mad. 

ZODIAC — libra which is a joke because i am in no way balanced but i guess i AM indecisive and a peacekeeper so?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — i believe it when it says good shits gonna happen in my life and blame it if bad shit happens but i don’t strongly follow it i just find it interesting

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — maybe like 14?? my first rp blog here is literally so embarassing i wrote as clove from the hunger games n my best friend irl wrote cato :/ it was wild

WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — like 9 years ago?? 2010 maybs

NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — me n my friend ellie made this really cool group the summer before we left for uni which was loosely based on a concept mentioned mayb once in the divergent series, but it gave us loads of freedom to make it our own thing. it was called the fringe n it was like..... this dystopian society where people with different genes were cut off from the rest of society n lived in overrun slum cities where different groups had like, a monopoly over weapons, produce, etc.... my character jack was the leader of this lost-boy-esque tribe called the wolf pack who were hunters n used to run across the rooftops wearing the skins of animals they’d killed and engage in tribal rituals with sacrifices to the gods n shit. sounds lame but everyone there was so invested in their character arcs that it was a shame to see it go. but ! it kind of reached its end point so we blew it up w nukes n they all died. tragic.

WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — a fox?? do ppl keep foxes? idk i’ve always just felt a sense of connection w them like when a fox stares at me im like this shit is life i am living and breathing in this bitch.... visceral

NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — everbody party tonight by cobra man n summer girl by haim..... not my usual stuff but big summer chillin vibes,.....

NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — lord of the flies and also the handmaid’s tale. one of assignments was to write a chapter from another character’s perspective n i chose moira

NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — skellig. fuck off with ur asprin ugly bat man i don’t care. also of mice and men. don’t care about the rabbits or curley’s goddamn wife.

WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? — im not a big binger bc i find it jst makes me depressed if i watch tv all day but im nearly finished stranger things season 3 n i recently finished euphoria (big rec but proceed w caution as quite triggering content)

FAVOURITE QUOTE — cool girl speech from gone girl. but also “there’s something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls” i know its like.... such an overused quote but it really encapsulates this kind of feral girlhood that a few of my characters like bridget n greta have tapped into. i also loved the line “i feel like i could eat the world raw” from song of achilles, that really captures this kind of.... pure n childlike enthusiasm tht i wanna achieve w rory 

LINK TO A VINE THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this is my energy completely am always covered in glitter n staring broodily out of the windows of ubers at 4am like im in the sad bit of an indie film 

DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — uhh.... not as much as i shd.... i want to be a writer so i shd be makin some effort to get my stuff Out Into The World but im just not.... lol. ive done a lot of poetry collections . i wnt to finish a novel @ some point too.

THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL TRUST — bold of you to assume i trust any youtubers

A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — id literally die for saoirse ronan n timothee chalamet :/ chance perdomo also owns my ass. 

EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — i once high-fived dani harmer, the actress who played tracy beaker. today my sister text me tryin to make me guess what celebrity she just saw on holiday in wales and for ages she let me think it was timmothee but it was actually bradley walsh from the chase :/

WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — i am in a bomb ass crop top and mini skirt, several scrunchies in my hair, glitter all over my face, wearing cowboy boots. we eat dinner in a trendy but affordable pub that doubles up as a cocktail bar n then we drink zombies or sex on the beaches n go to a rave where everyone is on the same wavelength n i share drugs with girls in the toilets and we swap numbers knowing we will never text each other but its ok bc in that moment we feel like we are soulmates and everyone is super drunk n touching everyone else n its all very visceral and we walk through the woods when the rave ends and lie in the grass because we wish to suck out all the marrow of life 

A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — princess diana was murdered 

ARE ALIENS REAL? — maybe the real aliens are the friends we made along the way

PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — love island game im addicted and way too invested in my fictional relationship with bobby, a cartoon

WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — bold of u to assume i remember my childhood. but if we’re talking last 10 years angust, thongs n perfect snogging is so so cringe 

DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — pairs of glasses belonging to other ppl when they break / get new ones even though i can see perfectly well. 

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — mythology...... always a craving and a wish i’d read like ancient texts but my school wasn’t good enough to do greek or latin or any of that shit n even tho i could read english translations i cant be bothered. also criminal psychology

THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — italian, french and latin

MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — ladybird, about time, angus thongs, shrek 2, what we do in the shadows, the history boys, atonement, coraline, the breakfast club, ferris bueller’s day off

NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — cecilia lisbon. rue in euphoria. alison brie in glow. adam parrish in the raven cycle. richard papen. olivia cooke’s character in thoroughbreds. allen ginsberg in kill your darlings. lily in sex education. holliday grainger’s character in the film animals --- i too am an aspiring writer who never writes and just gets drunk instead .

DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — no. cba

HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — i go to the movies basically every day bcos i work in a cinema. im also a voracious reader n i occasionally do theatre or costume making

PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — where the wild things are (film by spike jonze).  animals. beats. the book fen by daisy johnson and a girl is a half formed thing by eimar mcbride. andy warhol’s biography from a to b and back again

WHOSE BRAIN WOULD YOU LIKE TO PICK, ALIVE OR DEAD? — phoebe waller-bridge on how i get her life. carey mulligan on how she got to be such a good actress n how i can become her. maybs wes anderson. maybs gillian flynn. i tend to listen to podcasts w the ppl i really wanna pick the brains of.

TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? — edward :/

LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — blinded by the light n i lovd it

DO YOU STILL READ? — when i finished uni i kinda got out of the habit but this week i finished two books so ive set myself the challenge of a book a week.

IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — i finished song of achilles yesterday n i also finished call me by your name yesterday. started circe by madeline miller today, im also partway through milkman by anna burns and the plays of annie barker

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – 3 i didnt hate it bcos at heart i am self-indulgent and love fashioning some sense of self when i feel lost in a world that is scary and constantly changing 

[invelleity]

psst. be honest. all of the questions. go.

i can’t believe jeanette is tryina kill me in public and i’m still love her??? | not accepting anymoooore | @ltbroccoli​

cracks knuckles here we go ( odd numbers 1-9 are here )

2. Are aesthetics important to you? If they are, why?

Not very. It’s fun and cute and all, but I care a whole lot more about “clicking” with people and having fun writing with them.

Exception: If someone’s aesthetic is so overblown that I can’t even find the pages on the blog or read the text, I.....won’t interact with that tbh.

4. How do you explain rp to someone in the real world?

(kicks down my roommate’s door at 10pm) “OK so I’m writing— stop screaming, it’s me,— I’m writing a character in Security and you’re like a double black belt or some shit, can you explain how—”

( My roommates all know it’s a thing I do but I’ve never sent them a link or shown them any of the actual writing. They’ve met a bunch of y’all over like Rabbit streams and @rumdaydreams​ irl though so like.... They Know. )

More under the cut

6. Do you prefer writing male muses or female more? Why?

Ehhh, depends on my mood. I lean towards female muses in general ( definitely got a bigger chunk of ladies on my list, for sure for sure ) but I love my boys.

8. Name any three things about the rpc that bother you.

Uhhhh A) We’re all such dumb socially awkward blobs so it’s often hard to get to know new people.

B) The feel that if you have a good relationship with one person who writes a canon muse, it’s some kind of lowkey betrayal to write with other people who write the same muse??

C) How much I, a certified card-carrying dumbass, stress myself out about posting on a “regular” schedule. Does that count? Like I want the blogs to look “presentable” lmao and me@me Calm The Fuck Down.

10. Have you ever had a bad experience with commissions? As either someone who makes them or as someone who buys them?

N / A

11. What do you know now about rp that you wish you knew when you first started?

Uhhhh, when I first started was long enough ago and the community was so different a lot of those lessons no longer apply. I wish when I finally jumped over to Tumblr I’d realized quicker how the new like....basic ways of meeting people and posting and all worked, which was mostly just a “calm down and go with the flow more, let go of your stupid rigid old habits” lmaooo.

12. Have you been involved in drama? Do you regret it?

yES. Yeah. Hahaha ha h. 

But ummm, not usually. No. Most of my drama has been either A) me posting the very very softest, most diluted version of barely-touching on my politics and my real goddamn life and people being fuckin butthurt as hell about or B) cutting people who were toxic and draining out of my life. So.

13. Have you ever thought about leaving rp? What caused it? What changed your mind?

cw suicidal ideation ment

Yeah. Once I actually did — when I started college I just didn’t have the time, so I peaced from the larger community to just write with close friends for a while. I’ve also considered leaving the T.umblr RPC a few times, but really only because of long bad depressive episodes. Coming back and “not wanting to literally die irl ha Ha” and catching up with my drafts gets me back on track lmao. 

14. Do you think rp has had a positive or negative affect on your life or you as a person?

Positive! Sometimes I worry that I spend too much time wrapped up in fiction and miss my real life, but I’ve learned to keep my time more separate so now it’s just good to have a healthy hobby that makes me happy. Also I’m definitely a much better writer for it, and there a lot of networking skills I think translate to real workplace skills so it’s 👌

15. How has rp changed you personally?

See above, tbh. And it gives me a lot of good outlets for writing ideas that would otherwise stew in my head until I hated myself for never ever writing any lmao. It’s good.

16. If you could change one thing about rp on tumblr, what would it be? Why?

Oh, I dunno. I wish I could post replies from mobile more easily, god. That’d keep me a lot more on top of my drafts lmao.

17. Have you ever sent a message to yourself on anon? Why?

Not on any of the rp blogs. ;^)

18. Have you ever sent hate to yourself on anon? Why? 

No, wtf

19. Do you delete anon hate or post and address it? Why?

Depends on the hate — things I feel need to be addressed or I want to be clear about not tolerating I’ll post. Personal hate and mean shit I delete.

Or if it’s stupid and makes me laugh I will definitely post that shit.

20. Have you ever felt pressured to write something you weren’t comfortable with?

Sometimes. If a partner is actually pressuring me I’m real good at saying uhhh hey, fuck off about that? but sometimes partners will perfectly-innocently be enthusiastic about things I’m not super comfortable with and that’s harder to bring up. So it’s..... more like I pressure myself, whoops.

21. Have you ever followed someone because you felt like you had to, not because you wanted to?

Ehh. Not really. Sometimes I’ll follow a friend of a friend despite lack of interest just because, like.... My friends are smart and good, maybe I’m just not getting the right “vibe” from their blog as who really they are. Sometimes that just means we never click and I unfollow them later. Or sometimes @rumdaydreams​ drags me straight to mutual hell and we write 20,000 unfinished bullshit and meet irl and she actually talks me into wholeass new blogs and muses. So, you know. Mix bag.

22. What would make you block someone?

Red flags for manipulation and lowgrade emotional a.buse, especially ones I viscerally feel in my stomach from previous experiences. Obvious r.ight-leaning politics ( Weirdly, I’m not particularly comfortable around people who don’t think I or my friends deserve to be treated like human beings! A character quirk, haha! )

Also ngl sometimes I block people just to remind myself I’ve followed them before and I don’t wanna re-follow them six times and look like I’m trying to intentionally harass them. My memory is bad but the block button always knows, lmao. 😅

23. Have you ever stolen something from someone else?

Not intentionally — I try very hard not to steal hc from duplicates or take plots without asking. But, y’know, sometimes an idea sticks in your head and you eventually just forget where it originally came from.

24. Have you ever had something stolen from you? If so, how did you handle it?

Not that I’m aware of.

25. Are you open to duplicates? Why / why not?

Absolutely, for the most part! I like seeing other perspectives, and especially since @thewrongsorts​ is such a bigass multi it lowkey just makes my life easier.

There are a few exceptions — less because they’re duplicates and more because there are hc/fanon I just......dislike enough I don’t wanna write with them. Not a feeling that’s limited to duplicates tbh.

26. How do you feel about vague posting? 

Ehhh. It’s like not a great thing, but I get the appeal. I tend to unfollow if someone posts a lot of it because then they’re just passive-aggressive as a person, but the occasional vagueblog I don’t mind. Sometimes you gotta get shit off your chest but you don’t wanna make it a wholeass call-out, I get it.

27. Do you follow people even if they don’t follow you back?

Generally I unfollow. I’m here to write, if we’re not interacting it’s clogging my dash. ( Honestly I unfollow mutuals eventually if we never write.... ) But very occasionally someone’s got such good #takes and hc that I stick around just bc I stan.

28. Do you read people’s rules before following or interacting?

A l w a y s.

29. What is your opinion on “reblog karma” and do you practice it?

It’s nice! Like.... I wouldn’t require anyone to do it, but it makes people feel better about their blogs, it’s polite. I know I’m happier getting memes as well as passing them along. You know, be social. Connect with people. I always try to practice it, yeah.

30. How have you responded to popular slang used on tumblr? Do you use it in every day life? Do you use it at all?

Uhhh, yeah. My irl social circles are a lot of dumb gay millennials, we use a lot of dumb internet slang.

31. Is there something you don’t know the meaning of but you haven’t asked anyone because you think it’s supposed to be general knowledge?

Oh yeah! Joined Tumblr rpc ten years late with Starbucks! But also like.... I’m a web developer. 90% of my irl workskills are being good at Googlin’ shit. So I’ve pretty much always found the answer on my own, at least. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

32. Was there ever something you had to ask someone to explain? 

( See above. )

33. Have you ever experienced discrimination? 

Here or irl or....? I mean yes in any case, but much less often in the rpc specifically. This blog is a lot less outspoken ( both about politics or about who I....am....generally ) than most of my others or me irl.

Shoutout to that time I complained one (1) time about how copacetic the H.arry P.otter rpc is and an actual irl n.eon.azi jumped in my inbox lmaooooooo.

34. How do you feel about personal blogs following your rp blog?

Uhhh, I don’t love it? But if they mostly chill and don’t fuck with my actual threads I usually ignore them. ¯\_( ‘ ‘ )_/¯

35. Have you ever cried while writing a reply?

No. I’m not like......good at crying. 😐

36. Do you read other people’s threads or do you only read your own?

Depends on the blog. Some multis I follow are in fandoms I just like don’t even understand, so I don’t read those. Sometimes I just don’t got the energy. But I read a lot of my friends’ other threads or threads on blogs I stan.

Good writing is good shit and I’m.....a big 👀 bitch. Tbh.

37. What’s one thing that other people seem to hate that doesn’t bother you?

Call-out posts, bringing real life politics into rp, generally acknowledging that we have lives outside of the fictional world that affect how we read and interact with fiction.

( 👏 The O.rder 👏👏 of the 👏 P.hoenix 👏👏 is A.ntif.a 👏👏👏 )

I don’t want to ever push that onto other people though, definitely. (Especially people affected by terrifying irl politics and coming here for escapism. )

38. How do you feel about tagging triggers? Do you tag them? How do you determine what is triggering content and what isn’t?

Always 👏👏 tag 👏👏 fucking 👏 triggers 👏👏👏

I tag things that are common or obviously upsetting, and if someone asks I add whatever tags they need to my list — the “list” is mostly a mental tally so I occasionally fuck up, but god I feel strongly about triggers.

Let 👏 people 👏 who are hurting 👏👏 live. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

39. What advice would you give to someone new to rp?

Poking around to see how other people seem to “operate” and scrolling through posts about how to get started is so so so fucking helpful! Don’t be afraid to do it!

Also reach out to people as much as you can work up the spoons to. If they’re rude back to you, like..... They were never worth your time anyhow. You dodged a bullet.

( Value yourself 2k19 )

[rpausandwhatifs]

Something Lost, Something Familiar|| The Return of CyRo

A/N: So I’ve been working on this monster of a story for months and I’m so glad it’s finished! I gotta shout out my babies @nevergoodenoughforthetruth, @wishes-in-the--markmark and @nerdynumme-rp for their characters for me to base jump off of. We have been writing together for so long so I hope they appreciate this story!

Vincent got up early today, even after a late night. Leda wanted to hang out with her friends with Isla so that they were doing something normal couples do- take time for themselves and hang out with their daughter separately. His phone woke him up, but he disguised it under his failed sleep schedule. A familiar contact, buried under so many R’s with no face and obviously long forgotten as a way to think that their number had changed.

“Hello, you’ve reached Vincent Cyr, may I ask who’s calling?” 

“H-hey...Vincent..uhh..yeah..I know it’s been a while…”

“Rosanna?!...I-I...What’s up?”

“Well that’s what I called you for,” her throat was so dry and her lips were sticking together. Words from him came so easily in her mind, but now that she was listening to his morning voice, taking in that straight and professional introduction, she was right back to melting.

“I thought you were a business call or some prankster- I didn’t think this was your number anymore…” he said, hushed and panicked.

“I never got rid of the line...Just in case, or my kids got their first real phone,” she said, barey hiding her childish giggle, “I guess I didn’t think you’d have this number either.”

“Then why call it? Why not factory reset and leave it alone forever-”

“Because you’ve always picked up, just like you have now…” she teased him, still keeping her tone even and slow. She wanted to curl up to him again, allow his smokey breath and crackly voice ravish her nerves just like it used to.

“That was, what, gotta be 2 kids ago. You can’t hold that over me, doll,” he rebutted, biting his lip. He was taken aback by her tact and her swift ways of expressing her paramount interests. He pushed his hair back and sighed, “I’ve got one of my own, and she’ll be up any minute, so whatever you gotta say-”

“I need you.”

“You need me? Need me how?”

“I dunno..It’s..You’ve been on my mind lately and- ugh...I dunno- do you think we could, you know, grab some coffee this week?”

“Didn’t you move to Montana?”

“Not yet, not for another year, we’ve been renting in San Francisco...but what are you doing on Wednesday?”

“Rosanna, what’s wrong?” Vincent straightened as he leaned on his other counter in his kitchen, “I’ve got time today…”

The woman relished in his words of concern, his tone changing brought back the hands that would grace her waist and the eyes reading her body in futile attempts to figure her out. The older they got, the better he was. It was almost exciting to know that he’d make time for her, take risks in the name of what they were. She’d always crave that energy, the deep yearning from him, those huge steady hands making sure she was alright. In this state she didn’t think of her himbo. In these moments the whole world was done away even thought everything felt more real and intense than ever. “Really? Uhh...Mark’s taking the kids to LegoLand and the mall with his friends’ kids, so how about you call me then...and you can pick me up.”

---

Vincent took his Cadillac today, it ran so smooth and quietly after he’d spent a couple of years on it once picking it up from a set liquidation sale. This has happened too many times before for him to be nervous, he was more excited to what this experience was going to bring them. He hadn’t seen her since the baby shower and even then, he knew it was all according to plan.

***

“Vincent~,” the girl said, staring off as the lips she loved covered her shoulder and back.

“Rosanna,” he replied back, not stopping as her body slowly fell into his touch, soft moans filling her throat.

“I’m sorry...but the only way you can be at the shower is if you leave.”

“You really like kicking me out of places, don’t you?” 

“It keeps everybody off the radar.”

“Rosie, I’m not as sick as I used to be. I was never that sick where you had to kick me out of every party we’re at...I don’t think you’re being very fair…”

“It seems like the only way...I-I-I don’t wanna lose him…”

“Listen to me, I was leaving my presidency to live my life because you drove me crazy like this,” he admitted as he turned her around and sat her on his lap. “Look at me, Rosie...I want to see you, even though Mark is there. However, you promised yourself to Mark. The less he knows, the more he hurts. You’re not doing him or me any favors by pitting us against one another; we’re adults not kids. Someone is gonna call the cops, someone is going to issue a restraining order. I want to see you at your happiest even if you’re not mine. I just can’t ignore how you make our experiences so negative.”

“Because I don’t need it, I know it’s wrong. Don’t you think I already wish I wasn’t doing...this?! Why couldn’t it have been...ice cream or sugar or smoking? No it’s not. I’ve been trying to quit, at least for the kids. How do you quit a feeling a person gives you? How do you associate not wanting someone when you literally have everything? Vincent, you’re the one thing that I shouldn’t have...a-and everytime I think I’ve had enough, I’m through, that I’m aware that our experiences are setup this way so I don’t want them, at least I shouldn’t- mmmph~!” her rambling was cut-off from Vincent pressing his lips to hers, getting enthralled into the fleeting seconds of the softness, the rush going through her chest.

“Hey, hey...Look at me...I know you’re trying. And I know that you don’t wanna let this go…” he said softly.

“You don’t know me-”

“I know how you feel...That’s how I feel about a lot of things. I just...need you to be okay. Don’t punish yourself and don’t punish me. You’re headstrong, but your heart is weak-”

“I’m not weak-”

“This is your weakness. Stop fighting. Everybody’s got their thing- this...this is ours.”

“Ours…”

***

He waited for the girl as she made sure she went to the effort of locking her door, rushing across the street, staying silent until he drove off. “Isla?” she asked once she was settled into the car. 

“Hm?...Oh yeah that’s my daughter’s name.”

“Did...did you pick it out?”

“Leda had the idea and I really liked the name, so when she got pregnant it was perfect-”

“You got her pregnant?”

“A few times actually...She doesn’t always like talking about it, but we were off and on for a while and I’ve always been home-base for her. You know how she likes to travel…”

“Why her?” she asked with a slight shake in her voice, trying to hide her bitter jealousy of a beautiful daughter with a suiting name. 

“It’s been her for a while, Rosie. It’s actually because of you that her and I exist.”

“R-really?” she asked, barely being able to catch her breath at the incredulous amount of news she was receiving that she honestly never cared about before. 

“Yeah, she had a lot of identity issues when she hung out with you that were very...how should I put this?...”

“Shallow?” she offered.

“Yes ‘shallow’...is one way to put it. She got off on the fact that she hung out with your dirty little secret. She was interested in your pleasure from me and from your life, but she had no life of her own…”

“So...wait, she knows.”

“She knew.”

“She doesn’t know about-”

“Not at all…”

“What...how does she get better?”

“I simply told her that I’d love her even if it killed you,” he chuckled, lighting a cigarette at a red light. They’ve never done this midday, but Ro’s cheeks were beginning to reflect the light’s terse hue.

Ro looked at Vincent intensely, boiling in her upset and frustration. This wasn’t about that, but why did he have to move on with her? Her hands were wringing her bag, knuckles turning white. How dare she thinks she could just take something that was hers, and has always been hers. “Are you fucking kidding me?...” she growled a little, “You weren’t something I wanted to share, but I-”

“You what? You’re mad that she actually had a life and it was with me when you simply left me out to dry and used me and never cared for me like she has? I wasn’t something that you could just hold onto like that forever. It hurt me for a long time. She did you a favor by listening to me when I told her not to tell anyone, because believe you me...she wanted to expose your ass for all that you were worth. She was so angry that you had made me out to be this monster, and she wasn’t afraid to get close and see me for the man that I really was..we were like..drawn to each other. You can’t get mad if I’m still willing to cheat on her to see you-”

“Don’t tell me how to feel, Vincent!” she snapped.

“I’m not telling you how to feel, I’m giving you the perspective you refused to see. I already had to fight with her for years about it. She loved you and she loves me. If anything, all of this isn’t fair to her because all she wanted was a genuine friend, and someone she could be close to. When she found out you weren’t as great as you led yourself on to be and she felt abandoned when she couldn’t see you when she needed you, and went so far to hide it, she saw you differently, which is something that you never wanted,” Vincent defended Leda quickly, but at the same time dreading that she is going to definitely give him the same heat that her friend gave her.

“So I’m supposed to thank you for keeping her quiet?”

“Quiet and happy, not like you’ll give me the credit,” he scoffed as he said it as an addition to his original thought. 

“You don’t deserve credit for that..that’s just you being a dog, like you always have,” Ro bit back, watching as he pulled into the park, “Where are we going?”

“We’re going to this place I found, it’s not far from the place I took you that one time when we were talking the last time.”

The frosty mint car was still bathed in light as he slowly backed into the shrubbery, the crackling and moving of the branches hiding their car, but not the sun rays. He put the vehicle in park, and turned to look at the girl, who was still steaming about all of the things that haven’t changed since they were kids. It hit her how much everything has changed: his glasses had a real prescription, his hair was frazzled and messy like before, but it was obviously from lack of sleep and raising a toddler, a look she knew all too well. “Vincent…”

“Rosie…” he said, looking at the girl as she put her bag down, taking her own messy bun out of its band, “That’s my girl.”

“Does she hate me?” she asked innocently.

“She doesn’t even think about you anymore, because we usually don’t talk about her during these moments...because it didn’t matter to you. I taught her not to care..She thinks that if you guys linked up now, you guys would have something to talk about, you know, she’s a mom, you’re a mom. You both still fuck me..”

“I’m not talking to her about-”

“I know you’re not, that’s why it never happened..”

“You’re...you’re not married?”

“Nope. We decided that it was too much pressure and we have been so busy it’s not something we really wanted to do, but we have a deep...spiritual connection that certainly feels like marriage...so we figured that was enough-”

“So that justifies cheating on her?”

“You’ve not once justified why you come to me knowing that it’s physical cheating on Mark-”

“I can’t.”

“You’re just a naughty girl is all..Naughty girls love bad boys,” he croons, inching closer to her, “Look at me.”

Ro simply follows and looks at the man, her chest doing cartwheels as she bit her lip, “You’re a bad boy..” she says breathlessly.

“That’s my naughty baby doll..now, get in the back,” he orders and she was quick to crawl over the bench seat and settle deeper into the car. Her excitement rising as she kicked off her canvas shoes and pressed her knees together. He got out of the car and took his shirt off, using it to cover the back window and took a snaky hand up the girl’s tennis skirt. Pushing her knees apart and gripped her thigh, which usually fit in his, but didn’t this time around. He slid Ro down as he began to tower over her, the intimidating presence fueling her excitement.

“God~ you’re so strong…” she breathed before he gently leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on the lips before trailing them to her neck, very careful not to leave marks as discussed and get the woman as hot as she usually gets from this gesture, causing her back to arch.

“You’re just weak for me...so hot and so weak…” he whispered, taking his hand further up and feeling a lack of fabric, “You knew exactly what you’re doing..”

“You know...ah~!..I just can’t help myself…” she exclaimed as she felt his fingers go to work, Vincent’s lips returning to hers as they grind out against his fingers, “it just...it just feels so good.”

“It feels good being bad right?..Being my naughty baby for me..just for me,” he teased her, making her blush and working his fingers just right, “You can be as loud as you want here..nobody but me is gonna hear you…” The girl obliged as her hips bucked against his fingers, her small gasps melting into soft moans. She whines as he holds back, then right back to mewling as he worked her over and over without letting her finish. It was purposeful, and full of control, much like her addiction. How he simply feeds into her, but knowing not to doing too much so that it peaks her need and heightens her want. He offers her the ultimate high, teasing it over the girl who was on the verge of screaming out, and panting heavily after being at it for longer than she expected. She loved how he could wear her out, and just when she’s had enough, he pushes her further- giving the girl what she had been pleading for and doesn’t stop so that she can relish in her high. The woman became a whining and moaning mess as she allowed herself to feel it all, the culmination of years of built up excitement and moments of built up frustration, so much so that it makes her lose control, drenching the man’s arm as he had expected. He gave her the relief while plunging kisses into her lips, becoming loose and sloppy as she gave into the weakness as her pleasure died down. He embraced the girl briefly while she caught her breath and looked at the arm she had been gripping, littered with deep bloody scratches from her nails.

“Oh my god~” she breathed, “I’m so sorry…” Ro got up to rush to grab something from her mom bag to help until she was pulled back down, “I broke a rule...I messed it up...I’m so sorry..”

“It’s fine, they feel good...I’ll deal with it later..it'll dry on it's own...Now, you did break a rule,” he said, a smirk building on his face and a small huff, "So there's gotta be consequences…"

"Babe~" Ro giggled as she sat back down, "I didn't mean it."

"I know..I know, I'll go easy on you this time…"

***

Leda had been feeling off lately, knowing that the pressure from the book had taken up so much of her time and Vincent had been working so hard, she thought that maybe tonight they should do something special. Isla played noisily in the living room as she went at her chapters with new vigor. The excitement of her man coming home and finding dinner and their daughter good and fast asleep so they could have some fun.

She receives a call from one of her friends and decided it was a good time to take a break.

"Heyy what's up?" She said, picking the little girl up as she watched her rub her eyes, ready for a nap.

"Something is wrong..where's your husband?"

"Huh?!"

"I feel something off. And you were acting spacey while we were hanging out but you know how the girls are, I figured I called you...is your husband there?"

"Vincent isn't here he had a call this morning and he had to go out and he took his Caddy to the shop for the day, why?"

"When is the last time you were in that car?"

"You're scaring me, why?"

"He's still a dog and I'm trying to figure something out. I don't want you to waste your time on a night for him and he's cheating on you."

"He gave it up a while ago. He's been taking care of Isla with me...there's no way he's still cheating. I can barely tear him away from the Cadillac," she scoffed giggling.

"But once unfaithful is always unfaithful. He doesn't have a need to stop unless he learns...You should call him and check on your husband. I'll come over and watch Isla for you."

"You still never told me where this is coming from. Maybe you ate something and have been having some bad feelings-"

"Leda listen to me...I saw the Cadillac in San Fran...he was with this short girl I couldn't see, are you sure he's only Isla's father?"

Leda pauses, thinking about it briefly, her heart beginning to race as she lays her daughter down for a nap. She tells the girl to come over and makes sure her daughter gets her sleep as she asks to borrow her car and hangs up. She immediately calls him and doesn't get an answer. Any other day the sultry tones of his answering clip would cause her no issue, but she just couldn't leave it today. 

***

"Fuck…" he says a he takes his phone, signaling to Ro to stay silent.

"Vincent where are you?" She asked trying not to sound frantic, "I've been calling you."

"I'm about to leave the shop, why what's wrong is Isla ok?"

"I'm not calling about her, I'm calling about you...my friend was talking crazy about seeing you in San Francisco...which..there's no way right?"

"Why would I be in San Fran, babe?"

"Rosanna is in San Francisco, she just asked me not too long ago if I wanted to do a play date...but how long you think you're gonna be?"

"Really?..Ro is in Cali? I thought she had moved to that culdesac thing with the others," he looked up to meet Ro's eyes, who had been holding her mouth while he had halted his movements, her blush reddening as he moved his hips again and caresses her waist. Ro panicked as a small yelp escaped, his finger reaching up to quiet her, not slowing his movements.

"Oh so she hadn't called you or anything?.."

"Mmh-mmh...she has no reason to, remember? Moved on and all of that," he said as he shifted quietly and bucked his hips, causing the girl to spill a stifled grunt as he kept bringing her closer to losing it, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Yeah...you got a point babe, maybe I'm overreacting thinking of the past again…" she giggled, "Well hey, my friends were telling me about giving Isla melatonin so she sleeps through the night and apparently through a hurricane..so..I got some and I was thinkiiiiiing….that maybe we could..you know..I make some dinner and we could have a little fun…"

"Well why don't you tell me what you think I was doing if I was with Rosie… that usually gets your mind onto other things…I mean, since you're already thinking and it, " he said as he tilted his head back, knowing that he could speed up and watched Ro look at him in surprise, not able to hide behind the intensity between her legs, taking his thumb out of her mouth and sliding it down to play with her clit properly as she heard Leda explain her fantasy. 

"Hmm well I'm thinking you took the Caddy.. picked her up.. probably taking her to that spot in Joshua Tree where we made Isla… eating her out and shit…" She said with a slight giggle, biting her lip.

“Yeah, how does that feel? Knowing that she’s being so fucking naughty and I’m being so dirty?” he asked as the girl on top of him rolled her eyes slowly.

“Heh, well, it makes me feel like you would do all those dirty things to me...and more..” she said with a low voice.

“And more?..Ho ho..shit, you’re gonna make me come home..fuck the positraction and the stabilizer struts right now,” Vincent said through gritted teeth as he shifted and gripped Ro’s hips tighter, quickening the thrusts, “Surprise me for dinner and I’ll see you soon, okay,” he held back his breath.

“Okay Vincent~ Again, I’m so sorry...I love you,” Leda swooned, sighing with a smile.

“Yeah..~ Love you too, sweetheart,” Vincent quickly stated as he hung up and moaned shakily as he threw his head back. 

“Cyr~...!” Ro said hurriedly before exclaiming in the height of her pleasure. Her let her have it, reveling in her satisfaction and the fact that she was actually going to get away with it.

"That's it, that's my Rosie…" he says panting caressing her face lazily, sitting up a little as she adjusts by slinking slowly to his chest. 

"I'll be your Rosie right now...I like how it sounds," she sighed. The girl was still lasting in her euphoria, amplified by the nature they were submerged in. "Mark always says he'd take me on a hike or a nature walk.."

"Oh yeah?..So I'm still a one up in that department-"

"No..no you're not. He just...doesn't have time. He's been so hard at work on like..3 projects and with the kids we just..don't make time for it anymore, lots of empty promises…" she corrected him, playing around with his chest as she skates her fingers around. 

"So because everything else is working, you'll put yourselves on the back burner?" He asked, lighting a cigarette, offering it to her but she refuses.

"No. You wouldn't-" she caught herself. 

"I wouldn't understand, right? I'm a starving actor, writer and director with a growing Twitch audience… Having my daughter took a lot of work, I just couldn't separate that fixing Leda meant fixing everything… so we spend time to each other when we can.. just be us.. you know?" He straightened up to say this, he was proud, and he wanted her to see that a lot has changed where they don't understand each other. His chest sank as he watched his Find My iPhone going off in the front and looks at Ro puzzled.

"Wh-what's that?!" She asked, gasping when it went off, Vincent flagging her to be quiet.

"What?...she fucking didn't believe me...that's what," he says, slowly getting enraged, "Fuck! She's gonna be wherever I go-"

"So just get rid of your phone?.." she suggests.

"I'm sorry that's stupid, even for you.. I have a kid at home and a mentally unstable partner I can't just not have a phone. I'm just gonna have to get rid of you, and this can never happen again," he said, then rolled his shoulders, throwing on his shirt.

"Well maybe we could wait a little, maybe she was looking for her phone because-"

"RO no! This is the exact thing that I was afraid of that would happen, but I thought that meathead would be doing this," he snapped a little as he turned off the notification and the program, "And none of this exists to you, so you think you're about to be blameless...just get dressed.

His phone began to ring as Ro slid on her clothes, embarrassment and fear flooding her heart as she begins to see that this has come to an end. "T-take me home- *gasps*"

"Yes dear-"

"Don't fucking 'yes dear' me you fucking pig liar! I can't believe you thought that I wouldn't fucking check your damn location!" Leda yells, slamming can be heard in the background.

"Leda...take it easy, nothing happened," he tried to say.

"Nothing happened huh?..Hey Ro I hope you know that your husband's waiting for you to come back- yeah I ran into him today and you're supposed to be at home cus you were sick… you're fucking sick alright.. He's not yours anymore, give it up, and leave my partner alone! He probably doesn't even want you anymore-"

"Leda! hey!" He snapped as she hung up. Panting as he looks at Ro, who lost all of her colour. She was stuck in a vortex of fear and realization at her fatal mistake. Her hands were shaking as the day she thought would never come was here. All she could think of was the kids, whether or not they're napping, if Mark made them their favourite snacks. She wanted to just up and nap with her babies, and her she was potentially throwing away all of it. She didn't think she could be so greedy and unaware of how much things have changed. 

"T-take me home.. my babies...I need to see my babies," she said with such distance staring past Vincent in the seat, shaking her head as if to note that she had no idea what came over her. 

"You got it," he sighed as he buckled his pants again and started the car.

***

Reiner went to hug his mommy and noticed a very yucky smell that he’d only smelled when he was out with them. He thought that maybe he went to someplace and it smelled like that after going to the doctor’s. He knew that whenever he was sick he’d take her to the doctor’s even if he didn’t want to go. The boy just loved the way the nurse would ruffle his hair and let him pick from the reels of stickers, but his mommy didn’t have any stickers, not even for him. 

“Reiner, baby, I love you...I love you so much. Mommy and Daddy need you to play upstairs okay? Think of what you want for dinner, it can be anything you want!..Think of the best thing you’ve always wanted! Even ice cream..”

“He shouldn’t eat ice cream for dinner..” Mark commented quietly and somber, he leaned on the hall’s wall nearby, barely within earshot of his son.

“Well, maybe we’ll have a big sundae for desert with whatever you want!” Ro turned quickly from Mark’s sentiment as she put up the baby gate, she could barely lock it as her hands shook uncontrollably. She was trying so hard to not let Reiner know what happened, and what was going to happen afterward, but she had to be a mother, and a loving one at that. He shouldn’t have to pay for her mistakes. She stood up straight and walked over to the bedroom past Mark, who was still in a state of stun and upset.

Mark was more confused after everything that Leda had told him, after everything that Ro had told him, after everything that they had gone through. He knew none of this had to do with him, but the fact that he still had to deal with it was something he had never prepared for, and how could he? As far as he knew, their love was air tight, and had been for a while, he was growing more frustrated at the fact that he missed it, he missed this, he wasn’t more aware. He knew that their whole life wasn’t built on a lie, but that Ro’s might be. He closed the door softly as he ran his fingers through his hair for the umpt-eenth time. “Rosanna...I..I don’t know where to start…” he said his wife sat the edge of the bed, like a child in trouble, turning and playing with her ring, which burned him to think that she had had it on the whole time, “Were...were you even sick?”

“I didn’t feel well this morning, but after you guys left I felt a little better so I was writing and I-”

“So you called him.”

“I didn’t know his number still worked-”

“You called him though, do you understand what I’m trying to say here?”

“Just that I called him.”

“Is...is that the first time you called him?...Is this like..You do understand I have questions, right?” he said, a little louder from his low tone to try and make sense of the room he was in. The temporary two story house he bought for her so that she had a huge kitchen that she could work in that didn’t look much different from the one she had at the Youni.

“It...it’s not the first time, but-”

“So he hasn’t always been harassing you? Obviously if you’re so comfortable with calling someone that you told me, right? Someone you told me should never be near you and if he does then he is bothering you,” Mark said.

“You’re right…”

“So you lied to me…” he said as he rubbed his face with both hands, scratching his stubble in a huge sigh.

“Yes..but Gamma-”

“Mark..please...because I’m rethinking a lot of things right now,” he quickly corrected her as he shook his head at his words that stabbed Ro through her heart. To think that her issues were about to make her lose her Gamma, the one she could never afford to lose.

“Mark…”

“This isn’t the first time you lied to me...that’s what this means..and this isn’t the first time you got caught lying to me to satisfy yourself,” he said, folding his arms and leaning against the door, with a deep breath, “I honestly thought you’d outgrown this, that you had accrued more to lose by acting so foolishly...But to sit here and think of how we’re gonna move on from this...I have to be honest with you, Ro, I’m not entirely sure..”

“I know, and I’m sorry,” her voice cracking a little as she held back tears, “I don’t know...I-I I don’t know what came over me…”

“Unfortunately, I don’t know either...And that’s the scariest thing about all of this...the fact that you’d put your motherhood, our marriage, and your integrity on such a thin line and not expect anything to happen…”

“Gah...uh Mark...I didn’t mean for you to get hurt..I didn’t mean to hurt you...pl-please don’t leave…”

“You don’t get to make that call, because it’s not about your intention to hurt me, it’s about your lack of inhibition...What would need to happen for you to never do this again? Another kid? Another kid that’s not mine? Something would have to keep you busy so that you don’t think about getting into contact with him again…”

“Nothing happened-”

“It doesn’t matter what you did..this is a years-long lie that you kept from me, and I don’t know if I can trust you as a wife...as a mother your integrity is in tact.”

“He doesn’t even want me anymore-��

“I’m not talking about him. I don’t want to talk about him. As your husband and a father to our son, I’m making sure that you’re okay and nobody else. It doesn’t matter, and for once you should take some responsibility-”

“Don’t go there with me, Mark, I may have messed up, but that’s not grounds to be rude-”

“Rosanna...listen to me, I wanted to leave. I should leave, but I’m trying to understand you and figure out what would make this all a little better...Not just for Reiner’s sake, but for our sake. For better or for worse.”

***

"Leda-" his words got cut off by slamming of a suitcase.

"Fuck you!" She looked back into his eyes with a low growl with Isla mindlessly playing with her dolls as she ignored her mother raving on about her problems. "Isla get up!"

"No!"

"Don't talk to me like that! That's MY daughter! We're leaving!" She shoves his chest, causing him to grab her forearms and after some brief thrashing, the woman finally collapsing into him and crying.

"Leda...Leeds, listen...I fucked up, and I'm sorry...alright? I should have really weighed out how...destructive this is-"

"You're destructive...I don't wanna be here...I gotta go…"

"You can go cool off..Isla stays here.."

"My daughter is coming with me-"

"Our daughter is staying here-"

"I'm not comfortable with my daughter staying with her adulterous father-"

"As true as that is, you need to leave her out of this. Think of what that does to her if everytime you have a breakdown she moves-"

"You don't get to make this about her! This is about you!"

"With all due respect, dear, this is about you.. how you're hurt, how you're not going to continue uprooting our family for my mistakes, and how you're disrupting and up-ending everything instead of trying to work it out-"

"And what is there to work out?! You used me and manipulated me and then...shoved that shit in my face! I deserve to be fucking upset, I deserve to make decisions for the safety of my daughter and I deserve to leave your cheating ass-"

"Fine! I'm not keeping you here but where are you gonna go huh?! And honestly you're not stable enough to make decisions as a mother, hence why you're here and why our daughter is staying. She doesn't deserve a life on the run and she has nothing to run from-"

"You hurt me, she doesn't need to fucking understand how unsafe that is!"

"In the same vein, Honey, she shouldn't think that whenever things get tough she can just run away and never work things out-"

"I FUCKING HATE YOU!"

"Calm..your shit...right now," Vincent stepped towards her, making her back up hurriedly.

"Or what?" Leda growled back at him, "You gonna abuse me and make me stay and shut me up like you always do?...I fucking dare you!"

"Isla stays, but you can go. I'll make sure she's fine and goes to school like she's supposed to. I told you nothing happened and I told you that I deeply apologize for my fuck up...I'm done fighting with you, but you're not taking our daughter with you...you can't. As a father I owe that to my little girl," he says while closing her suitcase and picking up Isla, who still remained without tears. The kiss on her face snapped her out and caused the tears and screaming to come. This sudden change in behavior caused the man to bounce her and walk out of the room, softly consoling his traumatized daughter. 

"Isla...Isla baby mommy's here!..." Leda hurried after them to the little girl's room once she almost immediately snapped out of it but was met with Vincent’s frame, causing her to back up a little, "Vincent… she's crying, let me see her."

"No.. you said you were leaving, that's what happens when adults fight in front of their child and one of them leaves… the child cries… it's normal. She's hurting and scared-"

"I-I won't leave…I-I I'll stay! Now please my baby, she's-" 

"That's not enough. We have to work this out.. she has to know this is over and that it's not her fault and that everything is going to actually be okay…"

Leda stood there, stunned. Although he was talking about their daughter, she couldn't help feeling the same way and being the one that needs those exact words. She let tears fall down her face and her lip quivers as she breaks down. 

***

"Mark… Mark…" Rosanna reached out after explaining herself to console the stunned and hurting man. 

"...I…" he started and sighed shaking his head, "Rosanna...I think...I think I'm gonna need some time… Like we'll share the kids and I'll see you then, but...I have work to do. This… is.. tough for me… it would be tough for anybody. And with everything going on we actually get a little time out of the limelight to… address…. And reassess ourselves...I love you- really i do… but I just… need time."

The woman let the tears fall as she yearned to hold her Gamma, the sullen frame that could shatter at any moment, reluctantly she nods, “Alright...I just...I don’t want Reiner to not have his father…”

“He won’t..I’ll pick him up and see him and all of that and I’ll see you then, but that’ll be it and we’ll just have to see where it goes,” Mark explains, “We can choose to explain this to him or we can...tell him a parent lie..either way, he’s a kid with parents, he deserves to understand what’s happening and why as best we can tell him..he’s not gonna like it..but-”

“He has to know this wasn’t his fault,” she adds, cringing at the fact that their perfect frame of a family has a crack, especially one that she knew could have broken the structure that encloses her life if this was a different time and place. She finally rises, approaching the stocky man who looked lost in thought with his hands on his hips. He shifts, opening his arms to his wife and her sobs, “I’m sorry...I’m so sorry, Gamma. I wish I could just...I’m just so sorry I hurt you..I love you, I love you more than I can explain...You’re my ever after...I..I don’t want you to go…”

Mark sighs as he squeezes his girl and kisses the top of her head, “I know, Roboat...I know you’re sorry..and I know you love me, but...one thing for sure, two things for certain...you fucked up...I..I can’t let this go..at least not right now. I-I have to..I gotta do something...I have so much to think about..this is..just...the part in the epilogue, Ro. We gotta overcome what kept us apart in the first place.”

***

“So you left?” Leda asked with a small gasp.

“I had to do something! Look, I forgave it so many times before and didn’t listen to my intuition that she might be hiding something, but...I just had so many projects that need my attention and I could barely look her in the face after that,” Mark said, weary.

“Vincent was the same way with me, but like...that’s who he is. And I just felt so stupid in the moment that when I tried to leave he had convinced me not to,” she commented bitterly.

“How does someone completely in the wrong convince you that they’re not worth leaving?” Mark asked as he drank his water. The waiter coming by to offer more wine and the man respectfully declines while Leda obliges to another glass.

“At the time, I was obviously thrown into a manic episode because my friend saw his car in your area and actually finding his location really fucked me up...not gonna lie. So I was just gonna take my daughter and go, but he told me that I needed to stop doing that,” she said after swallowing her last of her wine before getting another poured for her.

“Why didn’t you kick him out?...” Mark asked with a pregnant pause.

“I’m living with him, I realistically came into his home with nothing but his daughter- plus, he had the high ground on holding me to being a good mother..” Leda shrugged.

“That’s not a good reason. You’re the mother, you’re allowed to remove your child from an unsafe environment,” Mark added.

“Yeah but I was the one creating the unsafe environment. I was losing my shit and packing while Isla was used to it, but he picked her up and she started crying because she wasn’t used to someone coming in to..I dunno..alleviate the situation she was in. Yeah, he cheated, but we’re not...exactly together, and I forget that sometimes. We’re parents to Isla and I live with him, but like our love is something we don’t have at the forefront...I couldn’t imagine losing or running away from the one person who’s got my best interest in mind even when I’ve convinced myself I’m not worth it..and that I was dragging my daughter along with me. Sometimes a girl needs someone to look up to and to protect her, and...I just couldn’t throw it away because he showed me that some parts of him hadn’t changed,” she explained.

“I had to take a similar road with Rosanna..she..ring or not, I had to forgive her. She tried so hard not to look back and I realized that blowing up at her for her past imperfections coming into the present wasn’t very...understanding of me as a husband. She had to understand that the inevitable wasn’t that I was going to leave, but that she was going to get caught letting those imperfections define and give life to an entity created by her weakness. Even if it was something she never planned on telling me, I had to just remember that she had a life that reflected what she wanted to be, which was perfect, she didn’t want to have to focus on her flaws,” he explained.

“Did your marriage counselor help you with that?”

“Actually my buddy Wade was super helpful in getting me to understand the situation I was in while I buried myself in work, but did I call Dr. Tatlyn? Yes.”

“You called one of our Youni profs?” Leda asked with a scoff, trying not to laugh.

“She seemed to best fit the situation, but she did hand me off to Dr. Jay so that I could maybe get a better look at myself, that’s where the whole forgiveness thing came from.”

“That makes sense yeah...if only I didn’t drop out,” she nodded, sighing, “What were Reiner’s first words?”

“‘I love you,Mommy’...but we all kinda saw that one coming. He’d been working on it for a few weeks, and it really makes her feel better sometimes...how about Isla?”

“She’s been so smart and started walking early, but in terms of speaking she just looked at Vincent and I one day and went ‘Mommy-daddy’...like just woke up and we’re making breakfast and she just says it...Vincent said that she probably had been speaking when we weren’t looking because it was super clear and very rehearsed..but that’s all she has so far,” Leda elaborated. 

“So..what? She’s just running around calling the both of you?” Mark asked with a chuckle.

“She loves it, she calls everybody mommy-daddy right now..” she said almost proudly with a smile. 

“Did you move back yet? Has he said anything else?”

Mark had a sustained silence while he looked at the people around him, carrying on with their dates and drinks, sighing he looked at Leda, “Not yet, but..she’s making it hard for me not to..the feeling is subsiding, but the thought...it just keeps coming up and I can’t bring it up. Letting the past be the past and all that.”

“Hm...I understand…” Leda said with a slow nod.

“Do you really?” Marks asks quickly, “I don’t mean to be rude, or condescending, but it sorta feels like you’re settling.”

“Settling? For what?” she leans back and scrunches her eyebrows.

“A cheater-”

“Before you even finish, Vincent came through on his promises of making us a family. I’d never seen any of that before and he just built it up with his bare hands. Now, he was always honest with me that he’s not perfect and that he’s got demons, but he manages that shit. I see no difference for you and you don’t see me telling you that you settled for something less,” Leda bit back then scoffed, “I’d go so far as to say that he’s just easily influenced.”

“But he’s an influencer-” Mark started, giggling a little.

“Who got influenced by a better influencer. And you’re married to her. I’m just not married to him. Not conventionally, anyway..” she said with a giggle, sighing before looking at her phone, “I gotta pick up Isla for daycare soon, so we should get the check. I really enjoyed this lunch, Mark.”

“Oh anytime! And uhhh yeah I gotta get back and do some editing and livestream for a few so surely if you ever wanted to do this again, just let me know...but before I pick up this check..tell me what’s next?” he said humbly and proudly, scratching his scruff. 

“Uhh well, Vincent got picked up to model for this clothing company and we’re all flying out to New Mexico for the shoot, so that should be a good old time- Isla gets to watch her daddy work.”

***

“Alright and three more,” the photographer said squatting down. Leda held herself as she watched Vincent work his angles and with the soft desert breeze. Her chest felt light as she took in every beam of natural light they angled properly to him and it was almost throwing her into a trance. He looked so strong and stylish, and it made her wonder how such a dog like him could be just as beautiful. 

Meanwhile, Isla toddled around the set, babbling as she held her toy. The girl was tired of the brief flashes and all the adults standing around, and none of it made sense. So she went from her base camp under the food table cloth and saw a pair of shiny shoes with little skulls hanging from them, reaching out to grab them then was interrupted by a voice. “Ohhh my god! Aren’t you a little cutie! You like my shoes, huh? I like your shoes!” The little girl was enamored by the young looking woman with the funny accent and funny words, “Du bist nur das süßeste kleine Baby! Hey, Libby come here, look at her!”

The excitement and the clamoring around the food table finally drew in the couple as they walked over, knowing it was their daughter bringing in all the noise. Vincent saw the girl in the miniskirt and low pigtails, knowing that they were shooting together in an hour and hadn’t been able to get his eyes off of her body or her face- stealing stares whenever he wasn’t with Leda who wasn’t usually into girls, but there was just something about her that just stood out. She could feel Vincent’s attraction to her, and started to develop her own, but something had been holding herself back from deeply trusting her as she held her only child, call it a mother’s intuition. 

“That’s Isla, say hi Isla!” Vincent said as the little girl leaned and fidgeted out of the girl’s arms towards her father’s wanting to smell him and feel his love.

“Mommy daddy!” Isla chirped with a smile. 

“Ohh! And she’s already talking, she must be really smart! You’re Vincent right? We have a set coming up, no?” the girl asked as she took the slim male in.

“Yeah, yeah we do. Forgive me, I’m bad with names nowadays, refresh me-” Vincent said while his daughter hid away in his neck, feeling a nap coming on.

“Oh! Sure! I’m Dasha, and this is my friend Libby! This is our first time in the states! And let me just say your daughter is so beautiful!” she said, “I’d want a baby like her...My mom said that I was too mature for my age to be thinking about having babies so soon, but I mean come on! College can wait if this is what my future looks like! I imagine myself with a husband and a baby bump...the whole thing! It just seems so exciting to me!”

“College? Well, how’d you end up modeling in the states?” Leda finally interjects between them, “I’m Leda, Isla’s mother, by the way, it’s nice to meet you Dasha! I love your outfit!”

“Oh my god! I love your hair!” Dasha piped excitedly, “I think that color is so fitting! And I sent in a few photos and a scout picked me up out of the blue, so I guess you could say I was just lucky,” the girl shrugged, flipping her bang, Libby had tapped her and told her in German that she’s going to get into makeup for her set, the girl quickly responding back and turning her attention back to the family, “You guys are so cute together! Leda, you’re going to be modeling too, no?”

“Oh no no...Thanks but I’m not..I don’t do modeling, I just came along to watch Vincent work,” Leda replied a little bit of a giggling mess, now constantly fixing her hair and clothes. She felt so old standing next to Dasha since her energy was so vibrant and her light in her eyes about having a family could be felt from miles away. It was just something the woman couldn’t place. She was already just too tired and worried about Isla falling asleep on Vincent, who obviously could use a nap since they started so early. 

“That’s so romantic!..God, I wish I could like..be you guys or something! Do you need a babysitter?” Dasha asked with such emphasis, her eyes lighting up as she once again sized up the family.

“Well, you said this is your first time in the states, right? How would that work? Where are you from?” Leda asked with a small suspicion.

“Oh I’m going to start going to school over here when I’m not working. I was talking to Vincent about living in California a little, but I didn’t know he had an opportunity for work or anything,” she said, “I’m from Austria, but I’ve been trying to get away from my mom by living with Libby in Germany, which is how I got this job!”

“Oh..no..I didn’t know you were staying in the states for long..I thought that after the shoot you were going to fly home-” Vincent began as he rocked the little girl on his shoulder.

“Well, I have this work visa and they said that it would be a good time between jobs to get my school visa setup, but eventually I want citizenship...you know? I just love the weather out here and the people are just so beautiful,” Dasha explained, “Maybe you guys could use a nanny or something~”

“Isla’s a handful, but I don’t think we have that kinda money-” Vincent chuckled.

“Yeah I don’t think we could afford- no offense by the way- but I don’t think we could afford to have someone in our loft to watch her...she’s kind of a handful sometimes,” Leda giggling beside her.

“Oh I don’t need much, but you know, maybe we can work something out, you know. What do you do...uhh” Dasha began as she giggled nervously.

“Leda...I’m Leda, and I’m a writer, I used to make videos, but that was a long time ago-”

“Oh my friend is a writer! You guys can get busy with working, how far along are you with getting something out?” the young girl asked.

“Right now, I’m like...breaking my neck to meet deadlines and drafts and proofing the drafts...but I’m about 4 months out from publishing...You know...maybe we should get like lunch or something- if that’s alright with you- and we could get something worked out,” Leda said, the idea sounding a lot better.

“Leeds, baby, you sure?” Vincent asked, looking down at her.

“Yeah, it would be nice to have someone around the house keeping things up and keeping Isla out of danger..”

[mathicu-blog]

hello fam ?? i’m ac and i very much suck at intros, now you’re warned !! uh, my preferred pronouns are she/her, i’m twenty years old and reside in the gmt+1 timezone !! i’m like pretty damn excited to be here, been stalking this rp since it hit the tags, no lie !! anyway, i’m gonna tell you a bit about my son, mathieu. also if you wanna plot please hit me up or like this post !! i’ll try to have a connection page up very soon, ‘cause i have an extended weekend so hopefully i can be productive !!

( francisco lachowski. cismale. he/him. ) // did you see who walked past just then ? couldn’t really tell from the distance but i think it’s ( mathieu blake ) actually ! the ( twenty-three ) year old is a little ( airy ) if you ask me but they’re also ( charming ). i heard that when they opened the capsule, they took out the ( mp3 player ) that they’d left seventeen years ago. i wonder what that even means to them especially now that they’re a ( nightclub owner ) ?

alright so i’m gonna try to keep it short and instead just link u to his full biography, so if you’re interested, it’s right here !!

(trigger warning; slight mention of abuse and cancer) 

basically, mathieu is from brazil, was given up for adoption right when he was born ‘cause his father was abusive and his mother wasn’t gonna bring him up in a family like that so yeah, he was born mathieu navarro and still uses it in his full name. stayed at an adoption home until he was five and then he was adopted by michael and christina blake who are some rich bitches from lorfield, except they’re not actually bitches they’re really nice lol.

anyway mathieu got an mp3 player from his grandfather when he first arrived which had some of the most iconic songs on it plus a lullaby they’d used to sing at the adoption center back in brazil. his grandfather died of cancer not too long after mathieu was adopted and all but he had a really big impact on him. even at five years old mathieu became really interested in music and all, also because his grandfather and now father owns a record label it was kind of in the cards. anyway as soon as he could he picked up the guitar and he was basically a natural.

but oh well, he was always a very outgoing and sociable kid, he’d always find something to do or someone to talk to and everyone was always just drawn to him due to the vibes and energy he radiated with. but yeah he’s always been very energetic, thought to have adhd but he doesn’t, he’s perfectly normal??? anyway he was kind of a little shit growing up, like he was nice and all but he was also just super annoying and always getting on someones nerves, he’d always throw pranks and do everything he wasn’t supposed to do, and he kind of got out of hand to the point where his parents send him to a private school in los angeles where he’d live with his aunt and uncle.

la had a really shitty influence on him, to be honest he really didn’t like the city or the people at all and suffered from home sickness a lot which caused him to act out and be even more of a bigger shit than usual. he had a lot of friends or people that wanted to be his friend ‘cause he was rich and wild i guess, he knew they weren’t really there for him when all came down to him and it was proven to be right a few times as well. so yeah, he kinda grew into an asshole and forgot everything about the things that mattered until his senior year of high school when he like realized he’d have to come home soon and he’d just been nothing but a major disappointment to his parents, so he kinda picked up his grades and all but....still an asshole.

oh yeah also during the la years he obtained information on his biological mother and got her address and everything, wrote her like a bazillion letters but haven’t send a single one to this date cause he’s afraid of ruining something..there’s a lot of worries tbh.

anyway, high school finished and he didn’t really wanna go home ‘cause he’d have to face his parents whom he hadn’t seen much during these years, they’d talked and all and met for holidays but he tried to avoid them ooops. parents and authorities weren’t cool in his social circle and he had an image to uphold after all, so instead he applied for berklee college of music in boston and was admitted, so swoosh to the other side of the country to start college, it was practically his dream education however it only lasted a month cause he just couldn’t handle it. it was too much theory and less action and too stiff for his liking.

still not ready to go home he moved to new york for like 3 years he lived there in a fancy ass penthouse and worked as an event coordinator for the marquee nightclub ‘cause boy knew how to make connections and pull people in for an epic night. so yeah, during these years he kinda grew more into himself, and became more sure of his future and so, when he turned 21 he moved back to lorfield to open his own nightclub thing, called the ivy, it’s like his little baby and probably the most serious thing he’s ever done or been part of so that’s pretty big. he’s still set to take over the family record label after his father and he’s quite alright with that.

personality wise, mathieu is a bit complicated, he’s a narcissist through and through. It’s his way or no way. He’s not very good at seeing things from different perspectives because in his mind he’s always right, even if he knows he’s straight up wrong he will play it off as if he’s the one right, and probably make you doubt that you’re right in the process. He’s not very good with empathy and putting other people first, if you ever come to him for comfort you will probably regret it, he’s the absolute worst at emotional comfort and he’ll just make you feel even worse than you already did. He’s very unreliable in various ways, if he seizes the opportunity to gain something for himself but stab someone in the back at the same time, he’d do it without hesitation, you can never be sure with him, don’t ever count on him to show up for anything scheduled, he probably found something more interesting to tend to last minute and didn’t bother letting you know, if you’ve done something to ever get the smallest rise out of him, he’s probably scheming your end as we speak.

He’s the type of person who bullshits his way through everything, he’s never really put much effort into anything besides his senior year of high school, everything else has come easily to him. He can talk his way out of everything, not because everything he says is actually related to the topic at hand but because he just keeps on talking, and while he did that he probably threw in a few snarky insults covered up in sarcasm and a dazzling smile. He’s a relatively smart guy, at least street smart, knows how to make his way through life and you don’t need math to do that.

He rarely does anything for the benefit of others, if he does help you it’s purely because he sees it benefiting himself as well. So basically he’s a snake. He’s not exactly malicious or cruel however, it’s more of a teasing except he means everything he says 100%. He plays everything off as a joke cause he’s incapable of taking anyone or anything serious. Will laugh at your insults or attempts to insult him, ‘cause he’s got himself on a pedestal so high he probably didn’t even hear you.

He thrives on pissing people off, whether they’ll be pissed at him or someone else for something he said is not important he just wants to shake it up a little. He lives for anything that gives the slightest bit of adrenaline and if you bore him for too long it’s a guarantee he’ll just up and leave. He’s very easily bored, of people, hobbies and generally everything. When he was a kid his parents would get him new toys every other week and his interest in them only went as far as a week. That’s the same with girls and hobbies. He’s incapable of relationships because he simply gets bored of people so quickly..also he’s just not very good a monogamy, it’s not that he doesn’t wanna settle down, but he’s just living the bachelor life right now and besides, he’s got enough in himself.

He’s a slut for drama as long as he isn’t involved. He loves stirring the pot and raise hell, watching everyone run around like headless chickens and blame each other left and right, he’s like Littlefinger in Game of Thrones whispering shit to everyone and then just watching the drama unfold, the second he’s involved however, it’s not quite as fun and he will try his very best to…slither out of it and remove himself from the situation. He makes it his business to know everyone else’s business. If you need something you can be sure Mathieu either knows, or knows someone who knows, of course that info doesn’t come free of charge. Doesn’t share anything with anyone cause he knows from personal experience that no one really gives a fuck. He hates being confronted with things and will pretty much always just finger gun his way out of everything or laugh as if you’re the idiot. In general, he’s just an entitled rich kid who’s bored with the world and loves doing everything in his power to make it just a little more interesting.

so yeaaaah, i think that’s like it ???

[magicthrives-blog]

update 5/16/17: blog under co

So, since graduating college, I took a step back from the internet for a while to focus on settling into the life of a post-grad. I live on my own now and there have been a lot of major changes, but now I’m officially ready to return to rp! I feel as though I ought to make some major changes to this blog as well, although my URL will not change. The following will be placed under construction:

My theme - First and foremost, my theme needs a makeover, top to bottom

My rules - I need to reword a few things and to write some new, more relevant rules which can change the aspect of how I write, where roleplaying is less stressful on my end and I’m not so dependent on the trends of Tumblr rp

My icons - Rather, there will be a lack of icons for quite some time. PS annoys the stew out of me in spite of being able to use it for so many years; this dependency on icons in rp really gets under my skin, although that’s not to say I won’t use them. I’d rather have longer threads without the need for icons. 

Who I choose to thread with - I’ve been gone a few months now and I noticed that many of my mutuals have left or they’ve changed entirely. That’s perfectly fine. However, it’s time that I move on and change my perspective of who I want to actively thread with.

How many threads I keep - I overshot my thread count, leading to disappointment and inspiration loss. Never again will I push my limitations with threads.

My thread format - I will only use small font and make no further attempt to ‘pretty up’ my threads. I don’t mind if you wanna do that, but I simply cannot fathom putting that much effort.

My inspiration - I feel as though my Morrigan has been lacking the dark, dreary themes of Dragon Age, perhaps digging deeper into more horror and witchcraft themes. Do not fret, however. Fluff will still be here every so often. Who doesn’t like our faves to be happy? 

My tags - I’ll also be simplifying tags, although that’ll come much later. 

And that should be everything! c:  In a nutshell, I want this blog to return as something new, concrete, and simple, without losing the substance of my writing in the process.

[vieuxnoyesrp]

Charlie. We were so, so excited to see an application for Lydia Martin; whose trademark persona has been sorely missed from our storyline as of late. We like the amount of detail you gave us in your application; especially for the ‘day in the life’ question as well as your para sample. It gave us great insight into your understanding of Miss Martin’s character. Moreover, it was refreshing to see right off the bat that you understand the sheer number of layers and complexity that make up Lydia’s exquisite personality. You saw right through her facades, and your headcanons were thoughtfully-constructed and unique. In particular, we love that you recognized how important the connection is between Lydia and her grandmother. Although strongly hinted in the bio, we don’t know many roleplayers who would - of their own accord - choose to write a sample revolving around Lydia and an elderly woman who is, for the time being, an NPC. It was a unique choice and a fantastic tribute to the importance of this relationship. Well done!

Charlie, thank you very much for applying. As for Lydia…

                 ⚜ ~ WELCOME TO VIEUX NOYÉS!!! ~ ⚜

Wondering what to do next? Click here and let the good times roll!

⚜ Roleplayer:

⤜ Name/alias: Charlie ⤜ Pronouns: She/Her ⤜ Age: 21 ⤜ Timezone: GMT -3 ⤜ Activity: I’m a solid 7/10, I’d like to think, mainly because I’m always around even if it’s through my phone. I work some afternoons and go to Uni every morning, but aside from that, I’m always with my computer around and I can get on most times of the day. ⤜ Best form of contact: Through this Tumblr here, I’m always here lurking since It’s the one I’ve got on my phone right now. ⤜ Any Triggers? Thankfully, no! ⤜ How did you find Vieux Noyés? Through the rp recommendations tag ⤜ What drew you to the RP? The diversity of characters, the intense storyline and the deeply involved and developed plot which just sucks you in from the start. ⤜ What is one subplot/element from the Plot page that you are particularly looking forward to seeing in this roleplay? I am gasping to see the Lost Relic part of the plot developed. I think hunters have it in their nature to stay alert and want to have the upper hand in every situation, that’s why they train and are always prepared, so I can’t wait to see how that gets developed to slowly make a plan to get them up there with the first card to draw against the vampires.

⚜ Desired Character:

⤜ Why do you want this character? Because I think Lydia can often be portrayed and seen as such a flat character who’s the Queen B of the school but when she gets back home she cries all night. And I think she’s so much more than that, she has so many sides of her than just crying. Of course, she suffers just as much as the next guy, but she’s also a fighter and even if she has to hide her wits, she’ll put them all to use when it comes to protecting those she loves. And in this roleplay, there’s also the relationship with her grandmother which is such a big place to develop something relevant, and how she’d help her find and channel the mystery voices in her head and try to open herself and how she is and her true nature out to the world.

⤜ What are your future plans for this character? I think I just wrote a little bit of that, but mainly I wanna give her depth. I want her to develop friendships outside of her comfort zone and even if she is quite a strong personality and maybe sometimes a bit abrasive, she’s also a person and she needs friends in her life. I want to develop the understanding and developing of the voices in her head, I want to see how that could take her to her grandmere and how together, she’d help Lydia realize that she’s been trying to silence this incredible power and all the responsibilities that that comes with.

⤜ Put yourself in your character’s shoes. Give us a few lines to describe a day in the life of your character… Where do they live? Where and how do they spend their time?

In New Orelans, it doesn’t get any nicer than the Mayor’s house. Sure, sometimes she wished she wouldn’t have been followed by cameramen asking her opinion on something her mother had said, or she wished she didn’t have to deal with her step-father and his son, but you grow used to those things in time, don’t you? Lydia certainly has. On a regular day, she wakes up about an hour earlier than she’s supposed to just to make sure her look for school is up to par with her make up. After that hour’s done, she gets in her car and drives to school. And then for seven hours, she plays pretend. It’s class after class where she pretends she doesn’t understand what a latin word in a history book means, how the hardest of algebra pages on textbooks aren’t as easy as the alphabet for her, it’s class upon class to where she feels her brain turning to mush. Her only salvation there are her friends. She hangs out with them as much as she can, and when it’s time to go back home, that’s when she turns back into herself. She goes into her room, avoiding any kind of interaction with her step-father or step-brother, even if she’s finding him a bit more to her liking at times, and switches her brain back into overdrive. She reads latin, both old and modern, she paints, she watches PhD lecutres through YouTube and has even dared to start an application process for Tulane University, but she’d never tell. Only when it’s time for dinner she rejoins her family down at the main dinning room and shares a few hours with them, as little as possible, before going back upstairs and delving into her own world, until it’s time for bed, where she takes as many pills as possible to dull the voices that have been taunting her through the whole day so she can have a decent night rest.

On a weekend, though, she wakes up a bit later and tries to spend as much time as she can with her friends. They go to parks and walk around shopping malls and she’d even go as far as saying she’d even spend a few minutes of her time with her step-brother if he asks. Lydia enjoys spending time at the antique shop. It’s a place where she can go and feel immersed in a different time, as if she had been suddenly thrust into the French 17th century, surrounded by paintings and tea sets and old book smell. It could probably be one of her favorite places in the world, but she’d never speak about it. She’d spend time by herself there, or at auctions for paintings and antiques, buying as much as she fancied only to get a little grief from her mother but then a request for her to buy something for the living room, she had amazing taste and her mother knew it. And at night? Well, she was the most popular girl in school, so party invitations were never scarce. She’d doll up, dress up and drink until the voices left her again.

⤜ Give us three headcanons regarding your character of choice.

Lydia wants to be a doctor. Not a regular “tell me where it hurts“ doctor, but a psychiatrist. She’s smart, and she has seen and read what schizophrenia and paranoia will do to you, and even if she knows that she’s not crazy, her mind would not betray her like that with how smart she was, she wants to be ready and she wants to understand everything about the human mind and how to trick it to stop the voices… if she can.

Lydia has never fallen in love, and honestly does not believe in the idea of love. Her parents were supposed to be in love, and guess what, that didn’t last long. That’s when she started to look into it. Love is a combination of three chemicals in the brain that makes you feel things and suddenly sparks fly in your heart and… For someone as smart as her, she knows it’s not real. Jax has been her on and off boyfriend for the past year, and as much as she thinks she could’ve fallen in love with him, she still knows that love is as much a chemical as oxygen, and she doesn’t have the time to think of that. The voices in her head occupy a much bigger portion than love ever could.

Lydia blames herself for her parents divorce. She wants to see it rationally, as two people who just couldn’t bare to co-exist together anymore. Things like that happen, love isn’t real, so why would two people who don’t even like each other keep on enduring what they hate? Things like that she told herself daily when she saw her mother next to her step-father, but she never could manage to believe it herself. It was all her fault, possibly. The voices, her grandmere, something, but it was related to her.

⤜ What are some plots you’d like to explore with your characater?

I really want to get to develop Lydia’s connection with her voices and her psychic side, maybe develop a little more of the Banshee she is on Teen Wolf, but if that’s not possible then turn what we know about that into a more psychic perspective.

I also wanna develop friendships for her, especially ones with the people she’s friends now, to make her more comfortable around them and they, in that way, would help her unleash her full inner goddess of wisdom and stop being the plastic she is on the outside.

And I’d also love to be able to develop Lydia’s relationship with her grandmother and how that’d be a secret she’d keep to her mother and the rest of her family, how maybe Tyler would be able to play into it and be her confident, and in that way work with the relationship between the two siblings and have them trust each other.

⤜ Para sample:

(Retained for privacy)

⤜ Would you like to be considered for another character if not accepted as your primary choice? Kira Yukimura.

⤜ Have you read the rules? Yes, I have

⤜ Anything else? The first part of the para sample is a little bit of a backstory that managed to get me into a mindset where I could actually write, and then there’s the dialogue part of the para sample. Thank you very much for reading!

[dnteverdoubtme]

💗 🐹 🌠 👀 ☀️ 💁 🌟 🐾 🎁 💙 😤 ✈️ ⚡️ 💛 💚 💎 🍀 🍰 🙀 💥 🎤 📚 😔 🐧 💫 👻 🎀 🎬

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?

Dominic Sherwood. Jace needs a hug plus he’s my favorite celebrity atm and looks like he gives good hugs, i’m just saying. 

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

Eevee, he is adorable on his own plus can turn into several other awesome looking pokemons; Cubone, his story makes me want to cry; Dragonite, for no particular reason, i just like him. Pichu for cuteness reasons and Beedrill cause i had this pokemon card game and Beedrill was my stronger card.  

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?

a lot prettier since i’m a bit obsessed with symmetry. honestly i don’t think i’m a good person to rule the world, i’d have hard stances on many things, but i guess things would be better when it comes to human rights, there’d be no wars ( since i rule everything ) and a lot of tolerance so people can be who they really are as long as it doesn’t hurts anybody else, i’d legalize drugs, abortion, and shove a bunch of LGBT rights down people’s throats… idk, i want to say it’d be better because the current situation is shit, but i’d probably get a council to help me out cause this feels hard already. i don’t want to rule the world, just have the power to make stupid demands like ‘I request a Unicorn Day!’ and “Bring back Life as We Know It for a season 2!’ 

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

i rarely remember my dreams so there aren’t many, but the last i can recall was this weird thing where i was in a house somewhere in Europe and Min showed up and threw me a surprise party, and she spoke Portuguese. a lot of people started showing up, some bands i used to know and people i haven’t talked or though about in years.. i’m pretty sure the party ended up in a fight. 

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friends?

Heelary can always put things into perspective for me, help me stop, analyse a situation and see what i can actually do instead of just freaking out and crying. Fee thinks i’m this incredible person capable of anything and she helps me believe in myself. Ana likes the same things i do, like rping and plotting stories, and she helps me see that i’m not so weird and out there as i sometimes think i am. Daniel is someone i see once a year at times but i’ve known him for over 20 years but whenever we do meet it’s like time hasn’t past at all. Min makes me feel less lonely and helps me when i’m down ( she thinks i’m a far better person than i sometimes feel i am ) and, finally, B is my soulmate when it comes to writing and such a talented person it makes me feel special that i get to be her friend. overall i’m really blessed of having this collection of ridiculously special people in my life and i chose to make this about how them make me feel but they’re all incredible and amazing on their own. 

😘 talk about your crush or partner

i have crushes in half of my friends ( the hazards of bissexuality, lol ), but i live with my boyfriend, have done it for a couple years now… we have a bit of a silly love story where i was going to leave the country and drunkenly proposed he be my fake-boyfriend for a few months before my trip just so we could go on dates and make out, no strings attached… so of course we spend a month seeing each other every single fucking day and fall in love. i never had a relationship that lasted more than a couple months prior to that, and now here i am 3 years and counting. he asked me not to leave and i stayed. so that’s it, that’s my relationship, and this whole rant says nothing about him. he’s a lawyer, a big nerd that plays MMO’s all night, a grumpy fuck and totally silly putty for out cat, Arthur. i love him.  

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

it depends… i usually have a ‘kill them with kindness’ approach to rudeness. being the kid dressed in black with piercings and tattoos when i was younger i was used to having people approach me and my friends with a general bad disposition and i loved being extra nice and cheery just to see their momentary confusion and the damn youths being polite and nice. that is not to say i can’t be a rude bitch, i’m a scorpio after all, but it usually has to be deserved. 

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)

i like my eyes a lot, they’re my best feature ( well that and my boobs, but it feels shallow to say boobs in a top 3 ). i like my writing, and i think i do it well enough to consider it a talent ( i don’t have many of those so i’ll take what i can get ) and, lastly, i guess i love my creativity, be it with stories, cooking, crafts or just imagining things, i tend to go hard about it and it’s something i love doing, creating something new.  

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?

the deep sea, crocodiles, hippos, extreme heights, anonymity and failure, i don’t really know how to overcome any of them ( and you can’t pay me enough to get anywhere near a hippo ) but i suppose we live on through the memory of the people we somehow touch in life so i hope i can finish my book one day, and maybe live through my stories and those who read them - so i don’t know if it would work, but this is what i’ve got.

🎁 what never fails to make you happy?

rping. it gets me out of my head and helps me forget my real life troubles, being able to think for someone else, plot things and put them into writing or just express them somehow ( since i love tabletop rps as well ) i just honestly turn to my characters whenever real life gets too much. 

💙 what annoys you about some people?

so many things… mostly i guess hypocrisy and ignorance. it’s no secret this fandom for instance annoys me a lot and  it’s mostly due to the fact that some people think they can tell others what to enjoy and how to think, that they love to judge and condemn things. in the few recent times i’ve been through their arguments and rants i can tell you it’s just ignorance and hatred spun into the vague shape of social justice and righteousness and that annoys me a lot. 

😤 do you get angry easily?

i wouldn’t say angry, but i do get stressed easily and worry about things like there’s no tomorrow. i can rant and complain a lot too, but getting truly angry is something i don’t do so easily. 

✈️ what is your dream city and why?

i can’t think of one specific city, more like a feeling.. i love the idea of a homey suburban place where one can raise a family, with snow during the winter ( so i guess it’d be in North America or Europe and safer than my country is. my dream city is probably in Canada, if i had to guess, but i’ve never been there so i can’t name a specific one.

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?

i’ve answered this before in another meme, but definitely to stop time. it’s the one thing i’m always missing and, as an expert procrastinator with friends in different time-zones i could definitely use it. just imagine being able to sleep as much as you want but you stopped time before doing it so you actually missed nothing out of your day *weeps* now that’s the dream. 

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

not to worry so much about things, that the conflicts we go through when we are young become small in the future. that high-school grades mean nothing and i shouldn’t stress about them. that getting your first kiss is not that important. that the person you are in school is not who you’ll be forever and that i’d make amazing friends, just give it time.  

💚 who are you jealous of and why?

my friends. i’m not a jealous girlfriend, but i have a weird feeling towards my friends, like i’ll try really hard to bring them together and make them friends with each other because that’s always nice but if someone new comes along that i don’t know i’m just like ‘who dis’ and i stress that they might take my place until it’s clear they won’t. i’m also default jealous of all other Alec blogs out there, obliviously. 

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?

wealth, cause money can’t buy everything but it sure as hell buys a whole lot. it enables you to worry less, to help people and to live adventures, even if you don’t straight out need it in order to do any of those things on principle. 

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?

i wanna say i’d be Alec because then i’d get a Jace… but a very single Alec, desperately in love with my best friend - so basically i’d be season 1 Alec, k bye 

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?

cheesecake, milky chocolate, chocolate cake/cupcakes… I’m very easy with this kind of thing since chocolate is my favorite flavor for sweets, but i also love lemon tarts and things with almonds and nuts like gianduia chocolate and nutella. 

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?

nah, i don’t think so. i’ll do some adventurous things, but nothing like bungee jumping and shit, that’s just terrifying. 

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?

oh boy… unpopular opinions, let’s see. jalec > m@lec. Godfrey Gao was my favorite Magnus Bane. Star Wars is not all that. Friends is not so funny, neither is How I Met Your Mother. i don’t like the Beatles. i don’t like cult movies as a whole…

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?

Celine Dion’s It’s All Coming Back To Me Now. i saw this video of Jeremy Jordan singing it has been stuck in my head for days.

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice: “My good opinion once lost is lost forever.”

Neil Gaiman’s Stardust:“A philosopher once asked, “Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human?” Pointless, really…“Do the stars gaze back?” Now, that’s a question.”

Meg Cabot’s The Princess Diaries, I can’t find the quote and I read them in Portuguese ( unlike the other two ), but my favorite quote would be Michael’s ove confession to Mia in book four, if I’m not mistaken, I literally had it photocopied and pasted to the back of my notebook in high-school, sue me. 

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?

that however bad i think things are i know that it gets better. that there are people out there that car about me enough to want to help and to want to see me happy. that i’m not alone, even when i think i am. that no matter how ugly the world seems there are wonderful people out there and things worth living for. 

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words

bossy, needy and witty ( that’s according to Ana ) my own reply would vary between ‘totally fucking awesome’ and ‘not very nice’ depending on the day. 

💫 who inspires you?

successful people, i don’t have one in particular but whoever gets to live their dreams is someone i’d aspire to be ( unless you’re like Valentine and your dreams involve mass murder or something ).

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?

not really? never thought much about them, but in general i don’t assume all the legends are true unless Jace shows up and tells me otherwise. 

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

emo circa 2004. skinny jeans, band t-shirts, cropped tops, combat boots, a lot of black and the occasional fitted dress… i love makeup so there’s that, preferably with smoky eyes, bold lips and a lot of highlight. 

🎬 what are some of your favourite films?

Pride and Prejudice, Stardust ( i’m consistent like that ), Les Miserables, Knight’s Tale, Captain América ( all of them, but specially The Winter Soldier ), Dangerous Beauty, A Cinderella Story, What a Girl Wants, She’ll All That, Memoirs of a Gueixa, The Count Of Montecristo, Pacific Rim, Disney’s Hercules, Mulan, The Lady and The Tramp, Anastasia… I like period romances, musicals, Disney movies and romcoms, that’s me. 

[effect-of-games]

Why Play Video Games? (Results from Twitter)

Original Post: “I am doing a project on the effect of video games & why people choose to play video games (in general or why they choose to play specific games). If you guys could weigh in or just simply share to reach more people so that I can get a better perspective that would be great! Ty”

Name: Diven “I play video games to forget my boring life aha, video games make me feel happy.. I feel so much emotions when im playing like idk I adore it ! Oh and also I really think video games help me with my mental health ;; when I was in depression it really helped me a lot” Name: Alexander / @Dakota_ACNH “For me, any single player game that you can play at your own pace with no time limits is what I prefer. I think this is mostly because of the huge amount of anxiety and stress that deadlines bring irl for me, and feeling a little more in control is nice...” “So a lot of open games like Minecraft, animal crossing and Stardew valley where you can pick for yourself are good examples here” Name: Cat / @cannedlotion22 “I play because constantly having to be in reality is difficult, especially with this quarantine happening. Good luck on your paper !” “Project* also to be specific, I play ACNH because it has goals to finish at my own pace so I’m not weighed down by the pressure to finish at the same speed as everyone else.” Name: breanna / @strange_esque “To escape the harsh reality of sadness that I live in” Name: Bella / @ACBellaIsland “I play RPGs mostly & picky about which ones I do play. I don’t like futuristic settings. I love Skyrim, The Witcher III, AC Odyssey, excited for AC Vikings. I’m an introvert/antisocial so I prefer games where I don’t have to interact with people too much.” Name: Tonya / @ACNHAcorn  “I actually started playing as a toddler. My parents were/are big gamers in both video games and things like D&D, so it has just always been a piece of my life!” Name: Katie / @KatieACNH1 “i play video games because if they’re virtual worlds or kinda 1st person games i think it’s fun to imagine living in a different world as a diff person. like since i was little i played virtual world games and always imagined what itd be like if it was real life” “that past description was ass lol but i think u get the point. i also just think theyre fun/engaging when theres nothing else to do” Name: Dakota / @StormAlongIsle “Ive always liked games but I really started playing a lot of rpgs and such when I got into highschool as a coping mechanism bc of mental health trouble...mostly rpgs bc I like that kind of escapism I guess? Hope that helps, and good luck with your project!” Name: Annabel / @ACNHAnnabel “I first played skyrim during the last year of high school because I got really lonely & depressed. For years openworld rps were my how i coped, but since university & making new friends it’s now more of a hobby & I play for fun with friends!” “I played loads when I was a kid (mario pokemon etc) but i grew up & moved on. It was only until I had a bad year that I went back to them as a teenager. Yes it was bc of depression BUT it was ultimatly a good thing bc i found something i love! You can use both my name and handle!” Name: @UmamiACNH “I talk about this a lot with my therapist! As I've aged, games have filled in pockets of what I actually needed in my life. Adventure? WoW. Building? Minecraft. Farming? Stardew Valley. Now that I actually do a good deal of woodworking & farming, those needs are met.” “If you tap into aspects of what you love in games, it creates a good blueprint for what you want IRL, hence why we now have a small farm. I'm highly anxious and need to be able to modify my environment & control food supply to feel secure- so my lifestyle works well for me” Name: Millie / @ACNH_Tahiti “I’ve played Animal Crossing and The Sims for as long as I can remember. It was games me and my 3 sisters would always play together. As I’ve grown up (especially during this time now) I have very low days and games are where I find comfort and can escape from reality for a while.” Name: @tsuncake “Back when I was severely clinically depressed, I played video games as a way to escape my reality and depression. It was an escape from how exhausted I felt, and I didn't have to do things that were tiresome or draining to me.” “Nowadays, I'm medicated and doing much better, so I now play video games either because my friends are playing them--so I use them as an opportunity to socialize. Or, like ACNH, I play them either due to nostalgia or the ability to create things via the game.” Name: Mary / @maryplaysacnh “Honestly they’re therapeutic to me!! That and a good time filler or for multiplayer games to connect with people!!” Name: Liv / @ACNH_MargIsland “i was never into video games growing up, but when i met my boyfriend he played (COD, FIFA, Assassins Creed, etc.) so i got into it as a way to connect with him. now we play together (& get very competitive) so it’s a way for us to connect/bond and be entertained“ Name: Kirie / @ThatsKiwie “I started playing video games bc my dad bought an N64 and my mom learned German while playing Pokémon silver. MMOs where a way for me to talk to other people bc I had no friends IRL and was bullied. So playing games was a way to distract myself from my loneliness, I think. Face with tears of joy” “As I got older it changed and now I play games bc it's fun be in another world and make my own story. Also I used it to take a break from IRL and relax.” Name: Amy / @AmyOfEroda “I really dislike combat games, I’m way too anxious for that! I much prefer games like Sims or Animal Crossing where you can just create and explore. It’s relaxing and satisfying to me!” “I mainly play animal crossing because im not mentally strong enough to just sit and deal with my thoughts and emotions, i like to always be busy doing something so animal crossing is perfect” Name: Barry / @ACNH_Cape_Sable “I've played pleeenty of video games, but during college I racked up about 2.7k hours in TF2. source engine games in general feel like home to me, I sometimes feel like I understand the physics in those games better than irl day to day physics.” “one of the things that sticks out to me about tf2, source engine games, and lots of other games is expressiveness. just using crouch and where your character is looking, you can express frustration, excitement, bellicosity. all kinds of stuff you wouldn't expect!” “I could ramble for a long time about immersion and audio in video games, too, but I don't wanna clog your feed. feel free to dm if you'd want to talk more, I truly love thinking about this shit.” Name: @SickCrxssing “they allow me to feel emotions disconnected from my irl reality, and also as someone OCD it allows me to focus my attention freely and without judgement or distraction when times get hard“ Name: Rei / @Amestris8 “I play just bc I canMan shrugging they’re available to me so I play them. No other reason! Do they help with boredom? Yes. When overwhelmed? Ofc. But the reason I play them isn’t some addiction, it’s just cause I can“

[jack-kellys]

all the song ones ;)

Song asks? yeet ok will do:

(Prologue) Small life in a big city or big life in a small town: okay hands down small life big city. I LOVE cities and don’t live in one, but I got lots of close family that lives in (hey guess what) Manhattan where I Also wanna live

(Carrying the banner) dream job: stage manager for a hit Broadway show!

(Bottom line) if you could live in any time period which one: oooh fuck umm kinda wanna live in the 80s but also can I just be a fucken newsie during the strike holy shit

(That’s rich) 3 fav candies/sweets: gah umm ice cream…brownies…n sour candies. and gummies but that’s four

(Never planned on you) do you believe in love at first sight: nope. infatuation sure but actual love? that’s built up over time and I’m a firm believer in that. it’s earned.

(Don’t come a-knockin) one chore for the rest of your life: OOF um. uh I think dishes actually

(World will know) what do you want to be known for one day: kinda goes along with the dream job actually. but I guess i’d less rather “be known” than meet/know people who are known? like I’d rather have connections than be a connection almost

(Watch what happens) if you would write a book what’d it be about: there isn’t a book as far as I know from the perspective of like…a content creator. like one of us. I feel like that’d be really cool to make, because Normal People would like. get an actual insight. into our fantastic bullshit

(Seize the day) give some advice: as a wise man once said: don’t let your dreams be dreams! if even at a young age you think you want something, I think it’s good to actually throw yourself into it. if it’s not offered at school or not in the way you want, find it elsewhere! look for internships and local things! do what you love, and it can take you places if you really care about it!!!!!

(King a New York) BALLET OR TAP: FUCK this question BECAUSE:I love watching ballet, BUTI think I’d rather learn tap??

(Watch what happens reprise) tag some Tumblr squad: well ok I love a lot of people so I’ll do both:Chaos crew-@race-ace@night-is-my-time-of-day@the-dance-boi@elmer-s-s0cks@newsboyshavetakenover@borough-what-gave-me-birth@furyisebasically andFriends-@suddenly-im-respecsableand of course @iconicmusicalquote yeet love ya guys

(Bottom line reprise) trouble or peacemaker: it honestly depends? at home I’m def a troublemaker but between friends I tend to try and solve the problems. but I’m also loud and stuff which leans trouble but eh

(Brooklyns heeeere) what borough of NY would ya like to be from: im already half Manhattan so miss me with that

(Something to believe in) a dream you had: oh god is this like a literal dream? this is gonna sound dumb but I’m in a (more or less) closed rp server and I kinda…envision…the scenes a lot….a lot-a lot…

(Once and for aaaaalll) if you could rule any country which one: tf. america. because fuck it right now amirite ladiiiiies

(Finale) what Broadway means to you: a career. an ultimate goal. I respect it a lot. I think it needs to be more respected as well. a huge inspiration, whether it be for sets or effects or lights or acting or singing or dance. what it really means to me though..? something I’ve wanted since i was real young, I guess.

thanks sm saph aaaaaa