#“opens up a flow of compassion from your heart center. compassion first for YOURSELF and YOUR PREDICAMENT”

[djevelbl]

Do you perchance have or want to yap about cup head... (Totally not desperate for cup content trust) :3

Random thought, but I wholeheartedly believe that if the stars aligned, he was in a rage-induced blackout & he had his younger self in front of him, Inky Mystery Cuphead would in fact kill him on sight and without hesitation.

Like think about it: he has absolutely NO forgiveness for himself, and even in the latest chapters he STILL doesn't understand that he was a CHILD and thus not even mature enough for a decision like BETTING HIS SOUL??? so much so that back in the Labyrinth (sigh. one day we'll stop talking about this one I swear) & in his dream-prison-thingie the past decade hadn't even happened — if it was up to him, who he is today would be long dead, buried on the Isles probably

So. He'd probably kill his younger self if he could — out of jealousy? Out of anger? idk, I just really really think he would

[yandere-daydreams]

Kinktober - Day Five

Prompt: Gun-Play

Pairing: Captain!Leona/Reader

TW: Pirate AU, Implied Future Non-Con, Violence, Recklessly Handled Firearms, Slight Degradation, and Mentions of Death.

“That’s an awfully pretty face for a ship rat.”

You felt something metallic run across your cheek, sleek and smooth and frigid as it pushed against your skin, intricate carvings and the bite of wooden accents serving as the only reprieves to the constant chill. It took most of your self-control not to shudder, not to shake under the weight of the cold and the captain’s pointed stare, never wavering as his muzzle prodded at the side of your face, forcing you to tilt your head to the side or risk allowing him to be a little rougher, to be a little more careless. You didn’t know much about flintlocks - it wouldn’t be a stretch to say you didn’t know anything - but you didn’t have to. By way of greeting, he’d sat you down in one of the few chairs surrounding a low table towards the center of his quarters, leaned against its edge, and made you watch as he loaded the gun you’d assume he’d use to take your life.

You weren’t sure this was much better, if you were being honest.

You hadn’t meant to board his ship, or, you hadn’t planned to, at least. You’d been scared, confused, and when you were alone and penniless in a city that wasn’t known for being kind to wayward souls, anything seemed like an improvement to testing the compassion of a crown’s soldiers. You’d picked a vessel with a flag you recognized, stowed yourself away in what seemed to be a lesser-used part of the galley, and spent the better part of two weeks stealing food and holding your breath, making as little noise as you could as not to attract any unwanted attention from the crew. It’d worked, too. It would’ve kept working, if the first-mate with the toothy smile and sickly pale skin hadn’t stumbled onto your hiding place, slapped a pair of rusted shackles around your wrists, and threw you at the feet of his captain like a cut of meat to a lion. Like a hostage, to a man who was far too happy to wave his pistol around until someone gave him an excuse to pull the trigger.

It was all you could do to keep your eyes open, your hands shaking where you held them in your lap. You could only be thankful you were still out at sea, where the constant, gentle rocking did what it could to hide your trembling. Your voice didn’t receive the same kindness, through, wavering and breaking without an ocean’s worth of excuses to hide it. “I… I didn’t mean to hurt anyone,” You stammered, doing your best to ignore the renewed pressure on your cheek. You wondered if it would bruise. You wondered if you’d be alive long enough for it to. “I just-- I’m not a traveler, I didn’t want to be here, and the city’s guards had caught me stealing and I thought this might’ve been a navy ship and--”

Your breath hitched in your throat as the muzzle of his flintlock dropped, coming to rest against the nape of your neck while his expression turned from uninterested to displeased, sterile apathy soon replaced with a narrowed gaze, and a small, almost unnoticeable frown. “That’s an awful lot of words for a stow away, too,” He said, his tone just as harsh as his adopted disposition. “I don’t remember saying it was your turn to talk.”

You opened your mouth, but you caught yourself before you could apologize, bowing your head and pursing your lips instead. If nothing else, that seemed to placate the captain. He didn’t pull away, didn’t express his hidden sympathy or offer you a place to spend the voyage, but he sighed, his free hand rising to run through his untamed hair as his tail flicked, the sudden evidence of its existence catching you off-guard. It shouldn’t have, in retrospect, not when you’ve been watching from the sidelines long enough to know everyone one the ship was a beastmen of one variety or another, but the captain had always been reclusive, reserved, hiding himself away during the day and only showing his face when it was too dark to recognize him properly.

You couldn't say you could see why. He was a monster, the stolen gems and jewelry littered around his cabin and the weapon being pointed in your direction were enough to prove that, but he didn’t look like a monster, not beyond the patch hastily pulled over one eye. It was different then the silent strength you’d seen in some of his men, then the desperate mania of his first mate’s laugh. If anything, it looked like he was cruel because he’d woken up and decided to be. Because he wanted to hurt someone, and you--

A fist balled itself  around your hair, jerking your body upward and forcing a pitchy, poorly stifled scream from your lungs. You scrambled to grab at his arm, to pry it away, but your nails sunk into leathery uselessly and the captain only tightened his grip, only pulled harder as tears began to form in the corners of your eyes, blurring your vision. “I’m sorry.” This time, it was involuntary, spilling out before you could swallow it back. “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die--”

“Leona, fucking Leona. God, it’s like no one’s ever told you to shut up,” He growled, frustration giving way to anger. You moved to speak, to beg for forgiveness, but something was filling your mouth before you could make a sound, the barrel scraping against your teeth and the muzzle hitting the back of your throat, forcing you to gag, to choke as he hauled you forward, off of your seat and onto the floor, your bare knees crashing into the unforgiving wood as you fought not to collapse.

“I didn’t sit back and let you steal from me for weeks so you could run your mouth the moment I drag you into daylight. I didn’t tell Ruggie to keep you alive so you could keep apologizing like a scared mouse. You know how many of my men have been dying to take a bite out of you?” He paused, but he didn’t wait for a response. It wasn’t like you could’ve given him one, not while you were still struggling to breath. Rather, you watched in astonishment as he laughed, the sound airy, non-committal. As if the thought of you being ripped apart wasn’t worthy of his full attention. “You want to make it to land, right? All in one piece?”

You tried to nod, but the gesture was stilted, nearly too fervid to be recognizable. The captain didn’t seem to notice, though, he didn’t seem to care. You could feel your heart racing in your chest as his pistol almost, almost withdrew, only to press against your tongue at the last second, his scowl breaking into a smirk as your tears began to flow freely, your remaining scraps of pride no long enough to hold them back. You didn’t want to die. You didn’t want to die here, where your bleeding corpse would be thrown into the waves without a moment’s worth of thought. You couldn’t, you wouldn’t, not if there was anything you could do to save yourself. And the captain seemed to know that.

He seemed to know he’d get exactly what he wanted, from you.

“If you want to make it off of my ship alive...” This time, his flintlock pulled back completely, pressing idly against your temple, your own spit coating its silver surface. His grip fell away, but he only took to carding through your hair, pushing it out of your face. Attempting to soothe you, like you were some mindless, terrified animal.

Like you were a pet, just finding out you’d already been forced into a cage.

“You’ll find something useful to do with that mouth.”

[blacksunscorpio]

Bruja! ¿Que tal? Can you tell us more about chakras and how they mix with astrology? I'd love to hear your input! Thanks for all your help with astrology by the way. Your posts and very detailed/accurate analysis have been so helpful! :-*

Chakra’s and Astrological Association

Chakra’s by definition are the 7 main energy points in the body. In Sanskrit, it translates to “wheel”. As a result, it has a natural association with the Zodiac or the astrological wheel. Since they are essentially energy centers, they can become balanced or imbalanced. Chakras are also inherently associated with one or two zodiac signs each. 

1st Chakra or Root Chakra

Astrological correspondence = Capricorn/Aquarius

Color = Red

Element = Earth

Demon = Fear

The first chakra is an Earth chakra. Its location is at the base of the spine/tailbone area. It deals with survival, safety, security, basic instincts and their needs like food, water, money/financial security. Because desires such as the aforementioned are all earthly, they are associated with Saturn, who rules both Capricorn [and is the ancient ruler of Aquarius]. When the root chakra is open, we feel confident in our ability to take on the world and handle challenges and be independent. When it's blocked, we feel threatened, fearful, have trouble controlling our temper and instability in general. There can be cruelty or control issues. Much like the under-developed traits of Aquarius and Capricorn. Physical ailments can manifest as constipation, pain the bones, or colon issues. How to balance this chakra is the utilization of the color red. Earthy things such as massages, especially reflexology, mudbaths, exercise, and healthy eating habits.

2nd Chakra or Sacral Chakra

Astrological correspondence= Pisces/Sagittarius [and often Scorpio]

Color = Orange

Element =  Water

Demon= Guilt

The second chakra is a Water chakra. Its location is below the naval/ near the groin. It deals with pleasure, expansion, abundance, sexual energy, seduction, emotions, and sociability. Because intimacy and happiness are emotions, this chakra associated with Water. [Though Sagittarius is fire, remember Jupiter is also the ancient ruler of Pisces] In addition, because of its association with the nether regions & sex, this chakra is also associated with Scorpio. When the sacral chakra is balanced we experience, graceful movement, emotional intelligence, ability to experience pleasure, nurturance of self and others, mutability, and healthy sexual drive. When it is imbalanced we experience denial of pleasure, obsessive attachment, low self-worth, disinterest in self-care, close-mindedness, drama, need for attention but an inability to find healthy ways of obtaining it or adversely, excessive sexual drive to the point of carelessness. There can also be infections such as UTI’s. Ways to balance this chakra is the utilization of the color orange. Eating orange foods/fruit. Releasing guilt and embracing your sexuality. Connecting with water and dancing.

3rd Chakra or Solar Plexus Chakra

Astrological Correspondence = Aries/ Scorpio

Color = Yellow

Element = Fire

Demon = Shame

The third chakra is a fire chakra. Its location is above the navel between the rib cage or in the “belly”. It deals with confidence, charisma, desire, energy, willpower, force, strength, control, and perseverance. Intuition and ‘gut-feelings’ live here. This is why this chakra is often associated with Mars, the co-ruler of Scorpio, and the main ruler of Aries. When this chakra is balanced, you feel joyful, full of life, confidence in accomplishments, and yourself. Good sense of humor. Strong-willed and self-esteem. Balanced ego as well. There’s no need for you to criticize others, and a strong ability to focus and follow through on goals. When this chakra is imbalanced there is arrogance, low self-esteem, jealousy, harsh judgment and criticism of self and of others, manipulative, overly-domineering, low on energy, weak-willed, or easily manipulated. Poor self-discipline and following through with tasks and promises. Emotionally cold—very much like the underdeveloped traits of both Aries and Scorpio. Ways to balance this chakra are utilization of the color yellow. Consuming yellow fruits or yellow foods in general sunlight and vitamin D. Vigorous exercise [running, aerobics, sex, etc.]  and meditation. Laughter or doing things that give you “belly laughs” [watching comedy really helps].

4th Chakra or Heart Chakra

Astrological correspondence = Taurus/Libra

Color = Green

Element = Air

Demon = Grief

The fourth chakra is an air chakra. It is located in the middle of the chest or quite literally, the “heart”. It deals with love and compassion and balance. Very much why it is associated with Libra and Taurus who are ruled by the love goddess, Venus. When your heart chakra is out of balance, your relationship with other people will be out of balance, as well. You become indifferent to their sentiments, and sometimes quite self-absorbed about getting your own needs met. You cling to past griefs and hurts and are unable to forgive. You deal with loneliness and depression. You are cold and unable to demonstrate love. There can also be excessive sacrifice in regard to what you give others. You either be too dismissive of others or depend on them too much. When the heart chakra is balanced, compassion will freely flow and so will understanding towards others in life. You take responsibility for your own actions. You don’t boast or show-off your achievements, nor do you let your mistakes become mountains when they are molehills. Ways to balance this chakra are the utilization of the color green. Eating green foods. Breathing exercises, especially since this chakra rules the cardio muscle. When it opens it will feel painful but this is a release. Embrace it.

5th Chakra or Throat Chakra

Astrological Correspondence = Virgo/Gemini

Color = Blue

Element = ether/ sound

Demon = Lies

The fifth chakra is the chakra related to ether and sound. It is located in the throat. It deals with communication. This chakra is connected to our ability to communicate verbally. When this chakra is blocked, voice and throat problems, secrets, speech impairments, difficulties expressing feelings or thoughts can all arise. Blocks or misalignment can also be seen through authoritative or totalitarian conversations, gossiping, speaking without thinking, and having trouble speaking your mind. Self-expression will generally be difficult. You’ll either not speak up, or you’ll say more than you mean to. You cannot process what others attempt to express. You over-analyze everything. When this chakra is functioning at it’s prime, speech will be proportionate and free-flowing. You will take the time to respond, not retaliate. The truth will flow easily instead of fallacies. Just like Mercury, the ruler of Gemini and Virgo when in their developed state. Ways to balance this chakra is the utilization of the color blue. Consuming blue foods or blue drink. Singing, creative wiring, reading out loud, and loosening the neck and shoulders from stiffness and stress.

6th Chakra or Third Eye Chakra

Astrological Correspondence = Cancer

Color = Indigo

Element = Light

Demon = Illusion

This 6th chakra is the chakra that rules light. It is located in the middle of the forehead or the area between the eyes/the pineal gland. It concerns intuition, mental functions, memory, active awareness, higher will, psychic/reflective awareness, and balance. Hence why it is associated with Cancer/ the moon. When this chakra is balanced it will manifest as perceptiveness, Imagination, Good memory, or even photographic memory. Healthy dream recall and the ability to think symbolically/visualize or connect with the spirit world. among their cousins, Cancers have a leg up on this. Since this chakra is physically located on the head, when there is an imbalance, blockages can manifest as headaches, issues with sight or concentration, difficulties connecting with our intuition, or sudden insights. People will also experience nightmares, will not be able to connect with their tools well [Tarot, pendulums, etc] trouble listening to reality [who seem to “know it all”], delusions, hallucinations and/or insensitivity.  Ways to balance this chakra are the utilization of the color indigo. Eating foods of this color. Creating visual art, meditation, and psychotherapy. One can also use art therapy, working with memory, connecting images with feelings, dreamwork, hypnosis, guided visualizations, or past life regression therapy.

7th Chakra or Crown Chakra

Astrological Correspondence = Leo

Color = Purple

Element = Cosmic Energy

Demon = Earthly Attachment

This chakra is the chakra that rules the spirit. It is located at the top of the head. It deals with/concerns states of higher consciousness and divine connection. Like Leo’s who are considered the royalty of the zodiac hence “crown”, this chakra is all about what is “above or higher”. When this chakra is balanced we feel connected to the universe, spirit, the divine, and all cosmic and celestial energies. Wisdom will free flow. Our mental faculties and brain functions are working at optimum levels. You have an unshakable sense of being. You know your capabilities and do not suffer from constant doubt. Your faith is strong and your relationship with the world and even those outside of the physical will be resilient as well. When this chakra is imbalanced, there will be cynicism, narrow-mindedness, or rigid dogmatic belief systems. You’ll feel you’re living in your head. There will be an inability to respect what is sacred, or a general disregard for it. Inability to connect with our higher self or consciousness and the divine. Awareness and intelligence will also become fuzzy and there will be general feelings of confusion. Ways to balance and heal this chakra are working with the color purple, associated with royalty, or eating purple foods. Reestablish physical, emotional connections with others and the reestablishment of spiritual connections. Release of attachments and an openness to learning and study, meditation, reading, psychotherapy, and examining belief systems other than your own to develop acceptance and understanding. 

[thebrotherssalvatore321]

Keeping Secrets Ch. 37

Keeping Secrets Masterlist

Katie woke up to find herself standing on black marble covered in an inch of water that she was somehow on top of. A sky of black hung over her head. Not the beautiful kind speckled with bright stars, but a glossy, inky darkness that caused her chest to tighten.

As she stood up she saw that she was wearing a plain white long sleeved off the shoulder cotton dress that flowed down to her feet. A child’s laughter drew her eyes down into the water to see that a thousand shards of glass were scattered around her feet. The laughter came from one of the shards and she looked down to see within it a little boy around seven or eight with blond, bowl cut hair and innocent green eyes running through the woods.

As Katie reached down to pick up the shard, the little boy jumped, popping out of the glass as the vast darkness turned into a bright forest that smelled of pine needles and warm soil. She didn’t know why, but the scent made her feel at home. “Don’t be scared Momma, it’s just me.”

“And you are…?”Katie asked with a frown.

“Fun.” The little boy bounced on his feet, full of energy. “Wanna play hide and seek?” he asked, perking up with a smile.

“No. What I want is to know where the hell I am.” Kate told him then looked around them.

“Hey!” the boy picked up a pine cone and threw it at her chest. “No swearing.”

Katie leaned down to look the little boy in the eyes. “Look, you little brat, I don’t know who you are and I don’t care. I just want to get out of here.”

The boy glared at her. “Be nice!” he ran off making Katie run after him. “Nanna nanna boo boo. I can outrun you.” the boy sang as he ran. Something about the phrase made Katie start laughing as she caught up to the boy and scooped him up in her arms.

“I remember you now.” Katie told him as she made a claw motion with her hand and attacked his stomach, making him giggle from her tickling him. “Hello my sweet little Jonah.” She told him as she set him down then kneeled down in front of him.

“Hello momma.” He told her as he placed his little hand on her cheek with a smile. When she smiled back he evaporated into a mist that swirled around in the air forming a bright yellow ball. It sank into her chest causing a feeling or motherly love, caring and compassion overtake her.

With him gone the forest faded away and she was back in the dark place, standing in the center of the shattered glass again. “Phasmatos Tribum,” Katie heard someone say and looked down at a piece of glass to see a beautiful almond skinned woman standing at a table in the bedroom of an old Irish homestead, working a spell. This time as Katie reached down for the glass, she got sucked into it and she found herself sitting on a bed while another, slightly younger woman that looked a lot like the woman working the spell, pressed a cloth to Katie’s back making her hiss in pain.

“Sorry.” The young girl told her. “Someone needs to show that man how it feels.”

“Fiona.” The woman working the spell snapped at the young woman. “Mind your tongue. If someone should over hear you it will be you on the receiving end of that whip.”

“Yes mother.” Fiona told her quietly. Fiona finished cleaning the wounds then sat down on the bed in front of Katie. “Hannah, promise me when we get old enough we will leave this place, both of us. I know you do not want to live under your fathers thumb forever and I don’t either. Promise me that when you find a good man you will take me with you.”

Katie had been sitting quietly on the bed, trying to remember this and when she looked into Fiona’s dark brown eyes she did. She remembered that when she married Ronan she stole money from her father’s office and ran with Ronan. They used the money to start Fiona’s shop in the town they moved to. “I promise, Fiona. You’re my best friend. I wouldn’t dare leave this place without you.”

Fiona wrapped her arms around Katie who wrapped her arms around her first best friend’s shoulders feeling friendship and loyalty sink into her and when she opened her eyes she was back in the black place.

“Okay I see what’s going on here. These pieces are me, I’m a mother and a friend.” She said looking around at the shattered glass around her. “This is going to take a while.”

“Not as long as you might think, Doormat.” A voice came from one of the pieces and Katie looked over to see a woman pop up from the floor, joining her in the black place.

Katie looked at her, taking in her blond hair streaked with red, pulled back in a Vikings ponytail. A leather corset with buckles covered her torso while a leather Viking’s skirt wrapped around her hips. There was a fire in her eyes and a spear in her hand. “Why are we still here? Aren’t you supposed to take me to a memory or something?”

“I’m not a memory, I'm a feeling.” The warrior told her with a voice full of strength. “But if you insist on memories…here.” The woman walked across the water with an eye roll and plopped her hand down on top of Katie’s head. Katie telling Alaric about Mayor Lockwood abusing Tyler, telling her grandfather off and telling Elena off when Caroline made them all have a sit down flashed through her head. The last memory was Katie fighting the werewolves that were holding Caroline hostage in a camper.

“You’re my fight, my strength to keep going.” Katie said as she lifted her eyes. “My inner warrior.”

“You often forget I exist and quite frankly I’m tired of it. You need to learn to be a big girl and pull yourself up by your bootstraps if you have to. We’re stronger than you think we are.” She told her and Katie swallowed hard. “And if we’re going to survive in this hard world you need me.” she held her hand out to Katie who grabbed it and gave it a shake. The warrior pulled her into a hug and sank into her filling Katie with strength and power. Most of the other shards of glass floated up, turned into a big ball of mist that floated over her head then dropped, filling her with all the memories she had lost when she shattered.

After she absorbed it all she looked down at the last, large piece of glass and picked it up to see within it an auburn haired woman in a black, form fitting tank top, short black shorts and thigh high stiletto boots standing in the middle of a street as a man strolled past, the woman grabbed him around the neck and spun him around for Katie to see his face, he was an older man, too tan and too buff for his age. It was her grandfather. The woman’s eyes turned red and fangs appeared in her smile before she bit his neck, killing him before she tossed him to the side giving Katie an unforgiving smile.

Katie watched from an aerial view as people came to the woman as if drawn to her like flies to a honey. Each of them were either drained of blood or got their hearts ripped out. The last person to come to the woman was a little girl that looked no older than six and a man. Fear was clear in the girls little eyes as she watched the woman rip out the man’s heart. The dark ruthless girl placed it in the girls hands making the girl scream and run. The woman looked up at Katie and hissed, showing off the blood on her fanged mouth and the veins under her red eyes.

With a hard face and fight surging through her she threw the glass away from her like a throwing star. The glass stopped in mid air a few feet away from her and materialized into the haunting, monstrous version of herself. She reeked of anger, hatred, danger and most of all an overpowering thirst for human blood. “I won’t accept you.” Katie told her.

The dark, terrifying woman whooshed over to her grabbed her by her neck and body slammed her into the granite. “Then you…will die.” Her words came out as an angry growling hiss.

“No.” Katie brought her feet up and kicked her in the chest sending her flying through the darkness. Darkness landed in what Katie called the superhero landing and skid backward splashing water up around her. Katie flung herself up and held her fists in front of herself.

“You think you can survive without me?” Darkness asked as she whooshed back over and threw a punch that Katie dodged.

“I will be better off without you.” Katie told her, making her laugh.

“Look at yourself.” Katie looked down at herself to see she was now wearing a white ribbed racer back tank top, jeans shorts and black and white converse, but her arms were purple all the way up to her shoulders and spreading fast. While she was distracted Darkness threw a punch, catching Katie’s jaw and she stumbled back from the blow.

“It will stop when I get out of here.” Katie threw a punch that Darkness dodged.

“You get out of here without me and you will die within seconds.” Darkness threw a punch and Katie dodged it then threw one of her own catching Darkness in the jaw then kicked her in the chest knocking her to the granite.

She grabbed Darkness up by her black tank top and glared at her. “I said no.”

“And I said…” Darkness breathed hard from the blow to her chest, “You will die if you don’t. You may be stronger than me, you may be able to keep me at bay, but if you go back to your body without me…without a piece of who you are…you…will…die.” Darkness looked at her with a dead serious face. “No more Elijah. No more Klaus. You can kiss your friends goodbye too.” Katie’s eyes grew wide remembering everything everyone told her in the video Caroline made for her. “Accept me.”

She blinked, tears slipping from her eyes. “If I accept you…I accept that I am not a good person.”

“You’ve never been a good person.” Darkness told her as she jumped up. “When we were known as Hannah did we not think of a million different ways to turn that whip on Father, or to poison him? You even thought about running away in the night and abandoning your poor little sister. Then as Katie…you contemplated killing your grandfather in his sleep. You thought about tying him to a chair and breaking every bone in his body then slitting his throat for ever letting Mayor Lockwood touch you. You cheated on Tyler with Damon and yeah you knew it was wrong, you felt a little bad about it, but you weren’t sorry. You slept with Klaus knowing that Elijah still loves you. Then of course there are all those people you killed after you flipped your switch. You don’t feel sorry about that. You don’t care that they had family and kids. Their blood tasted better than any blood bag ever did. You have power over humans and you revel in it. There has, and always will be, a darkness in you whether you want it or not. The only thing you regret is what you did to that poor little girl.”

“I don’t want you. Suppressing you is tiring. I managed to hold it back as a human, but now…every day is torture.” Katie said with tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Then maybe it is time you accept me…accept the darkness in you…and find a way to embrace me instead of suppress me.” She told Katie with a glare. “You have to accept me or need I remind you. You’ll. Die.”

As much as Katie hated the darkness in her, she loved her friends. And she loved Elijah and Klaus. She still wanted all the things she always did out of life…she wanted to live. “I accept you…”

As soon as the words left her mouth the woman threw herself into Katie, not sinking into her gently like the others had, but invasively inserting herself into her. Like the splitting of cells, but reversed. Katie threw her head back and screamed out in pain as the darkness seeped into her, fangs formed in her mouth and veins popped under her eyes, pumping the whites of them full of blood. She squeezed her eyes shut and fell to her knees. After a while the pain subsided and she fell back in relief.

She expected to hit granite; instead she started falling down a black tunnel. She felt like she had been falling for forever when out of nowhere she stopped mid air and a woman appeared in front of her holding her hand out as if she was keeping Katie from falling further even though she was floating too. “Who are you?” Katie asked, taking in the woman’s long brown hair and blue eyes. She looked to be in her late forties.

“Dahlia.” She answered. “It seems fated that you should end up here in the place of my slumber.” Katie gave the woman a confused shake of her head. “Your soul shattered, landing you neither on earth, passed on or on the other side. That’s not something that happens often.” Katie just glared at the woman. “When you shattered, your memories scattered throughout this place. While you were putting yourself back together I was looking at them and I’ve seen enough to know you’ve been intimate with my nephew.”

“Look I don’t know who you are, but I’m pretty sure my memories and who I’m intimate with are none of your business and I’d like nothing more to continue my journey back to my body.” She told her with an attitude induced sway of her head. “So if you could kindly put me down it would be highly appreciated.”

“Before I put you down I’m going to give you a gift.” She told her still holding her hand out in front of her.

“What?” Katie asked.

Dahlia flicked her wrist causing an odd tingling feeling to spread over and sink into Katie’s lower abdomen. “You’re welcome.” Dahlia dropped Katie and as she fell she looked up to see Dahlia disappear.

TVDTVDTVD

Katie shot straight up in bed taking in a deep breath. She looked around to see her friends in the doorway of her bedroom at Klaus’s house, “What the hell happened?” she asked then looked up at the blood bag hanging on an iv that was stuck in her arm. “I’m starving.”

As her friends came back into the room Elijah took the blood bag off the pole while she pulled the needle out of her arm. He disconnected the tube then handed her the bag. She grabbed it and sucked it down, the color returning to her skin as she did. “What is the last thing that you remember?” Elijah asked as he took the empty bag from her.

“You…making me feel with our link.” Katie answered, then realized that she didn’t feel the pull in her stomach that she usually did when he was near. “Our link…” she sighed, looking Elijah in his brown eyes. “It’s gone.”

“I assume you are relieved.” He told her bluntly as he looked down at the tube in his hand.

She frowned remembering she had told him that she’d hoped it would break when she turned off her humanity. “I-” she was cut off when something started burning her chest and she grabbed it and pulled it off to see the necklace Damon had given her hanging from the chain in her hand. “Ouch.” She sighed and put it down on the bed beside her seeing the picture Stefan had framed for her and the drawing of her in her ball gown that Klaus had made. “Seriously someone tell me what the hell’s going on.” She said as she took the necklace Elijah had given her off her wrist and set it on the bed next to Damon’s. She noticed the bracelet her friends had given her and decided to leave it on.

“We thought you were dead, Katie Cat.” Damon told her from where he leaned against the white post of her footboard.

“Huh?” Katie asked.

“When Elijah reached out to you with your link he overpowered your soul and shattered it.” Bonnie answered. “Without a soul, your body started dying.”

Katie looked over at Elijah. “Did you know that would happen?”

“No.” he answered simply. “If I did I never would have reached out to you like that.”

“Okay, I’m out of here.” Elena said and left the room.

“Good to see you up, Katie Cat.” Damon said as he walked over to her and kissed the top of her head. “Try not to die again, okay?” he told her then rushed after Elena.

“Yeah, I’m gonna go.” Stefan spoke up feeling awkward since he and Katie hadn’t been on good terms for some time now.

He started to leave ,but Katie spoke up. “Hey Stefan?” he turned and looked back at her. “I don’t hate you, just do you know. You weren’t really yourself and you rightfully wanted revenge. I just happened to be on the bad side of that.” Stefan just looked at her. “Are we good?”

“Yeah, we’re good.” He told her with a closed lipped smile and a nod then left the room.

Katie looked at Bonnie and Caroline, “Is a fresh start too much to ask for?”

“No, we’re good too.” Bonnie told her with a teary eyed smile.

“So we’re all friends again?” Caroline asked with a bright smile that made Katie smile.

“Yes.” Katie answered. “Well, the three of us are. I’m not sure what was up with Elena.”

“She flipped her switch, but that’s a long story for another time.” Bonnie told her looking sad all of a sudden.

Caroline looked at Katie, sitting on the bed with both Elijah and Klaus at her side. “We’ll give you three some space.” She hit Bonnie’s shoulder with the back of her hand to get her attention then jerked her head to the door. “We’ll see you tomorrow?” Caroline asked Katie who nodded.

With them gone Katie looked back and forth between Klaus and Elijah. “I need a drink.” She slid off the bed and headed downstairs. She grabbed a bottle of bourbon out of the liquor cabinet and a glass. When she turned from the fridge from putting ice in the glass she found Klaus and Elijah sitting at the bar behind her. “I have no idea what to say to either of you. Somehow I’m sorry just doesn’t seem to cut it.”

“You don’t have to apologize.” Elijah told her and she sighed.

“Yes, I do. I shouldn’t have told you about me and Klaus.” Klaus blinked at her and tilted his head to the side. “Not like that anyway.” She poured some bourbon over the ice and capped the bottle. “But you know what?” she picked up the glass and pointed her finger at Elijah. “My love life stopped being your business when you…what did you call it again?” she asked looking around in thought even though she remembered exactly what he’d said. “Right, you let me go. Like a bird that wasn’t perfectly fine with the cage she was in.”

“Niklaus, will you give us a minute?” Elijah asked with a look at Klaus. Klaus looked at Katie and she gave him a nod. So he walked away. “I left because I thought it was what was best for you.” he told her and she opened her mouth to say something, but he held up his hand and she closed her mouth. “But as you pointed out before we passed out, you’ve had enough people telling you what to do. I will forever regret becoming one of them. All I can do is hope that you will one day forgive me both for leaving you and shattering your soul.”

Katie took a drink then set the glass down. “You hurt me, Elijah. You broke me, my trust and my belief in love.” She took a drink as she watched him straighten the place mat in front of him. “And yes, I’m relieved that our link is broken.” he stopped and looked up at her with a frown. “But it’s not because I hate you for leaving me or any other malicious untrue reason. It’s because the whole time I was with you I didn’t know if what I felt for you was real or if it was the link pushing me to feel something for you. I blindly trusted it and jumped in feet first because I wanted so badly to feel loved and wanted.” She paused to take a breath and another drink.

“I will admit it was unfair of me to expect us to simply pick up where we left off. I just missed you so much and waited so long to find you again that I overlooked that while you are exceptionally similar to the woman I fell in love with you are also vastly different.” He told her, not looking her in the eyes.

Katie threw back what was left of her drink and poured another. “I told you that I would always love you, link or no link and I meant it.” she walked around the bar to stand in front of him.

“As did I.” he told her and she smiled a little then let it fall.

“I’m going to be honest with you, I was hoping when that link broke that I wouldn’t feel anything for you. That I could have an easy out of the pain that loving someone inevitably brings. But I look into your eyes and I feel that pain and heartbreak. So I know it was real.”

“So what does that mean for us?” he asked as he propped his elbow up on the bar.

“It means that while I still love you and I always will, I can’t overlook that you chose to leave me. It means I can’t just…jump back into it with you. However what I can do is forgive you for leaving me and shattering my soul. We both need to let go of the past and move on.” She told him.

He looked back down at the place matt, tapping it with his fingertips. “And do you intend to move on with Klaus?” he asked quietly.

She sighed and leaned her hip on the bar. “If he will still have me, yes.” She saw a pained look flash across his face. “I hope you know it wasn’t my intention to hurt you by sleeping with him. I never intended on having feelings for him at all, it just kind of happened.”

“You do not have to explain yourself to me.” He told her as he took his hand off the bar and stood up. He looked around with squinted eyes and pursed lips before he sighed and placed his hand on Katie’s cheek, touching her for the first time since she woke up. Her eyes slipped closed from the comforting, familiar touch before she opened them and looked at him. “Does he make you happy?”

She picked up her foot and started tapping the toe of it into the hardwood floor. “Yes.”

“Then you have nothing to feel bad about.” He told her then leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead as her eyes slipped shut. “Goodbye, Katie.” By the time she opened her eyes he was gone.

She was getting a blood bag out of the icebox when Klaus found her. “I see Elijah is gone.”

“Yep.” She said as she ripped the corner of the bag off with her teeth and spit it onto the bar then poured the blood into a clear glass.

“And you’re still here.” He observed.

“Is that okay with you?” she asked as she lifted the glass to her lips and took a drink.

“You are kidding right?” he asked as he walked around the bar and picked her up by her hips making her yelp and attempt to not spill her drink as he set her on the counter. She set the glass to the side and wrapped her legs around him as she rested her hands on his broad and toned yet kind of skinny shoulders. These actions told him all he needed to know before he pressed his lips to hers in a slow passionate kiss. After a few seconds it broke and he pressed his forehead to hers. “Do you know how hard it was to not kiss you the second you opened your eyes?”

“Not a clue. I’ve never wanted to kiss myself.” She popped off and he pulled back to give her a get-serious look that made her smile a cheeky smile at him. “How long have I been out?”

“Three weeks.” He answered.

“And how long since I flipped my switch?” she asked. “I kind of lost track of time in that horrible windowless room you and Elijah locked me in.”

“Around three months.” He answered and she slipped her hands down his chest.

“A lot can change in three months,” She pointed out looking him in the eyes.

“A lot has changed.” he told her as he looked into her eyes and brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers, “I’m hoping we haven’t?”

She smiled and bit her lip. “We haven’t.” As soon as the words left her lips he kissed her hungrily and slipped his hands under her white tank top. She pulled away. “Whoa, hey, what about Rebekah?” Katie asked.

“She has her own house now.” he told her then started kissing her neck. “We had a bit of a falling out.”

“Something tells me a dagger was involved.” He rolled his eyes at her then started kissing her neck. “Slow your roll there Big Bad Wolf.” she told him as she pulled back and smiled at the aggravated sigh that left his lips. “Before I get too lost in you can I have a few minutes to myself to shower and just…take a beat?”

“Of course.” He told her then back up.

She hopped down, grabbed her glass of blood and down it. “I’ll find you when I’m done.” She told him with a flirty look as she headed upstairs.

Since they had the house to themselves she didn’t bother grabbing clean clothes before she went to the bathroom, turned on the shower, waited for the water to warm up then stepped inside. As the warm water cascaded down her shoulders and back she thought about everything that she’d done since she flipped the switch, every kill, every person she compelled to do her bidding...none of it bothered her. She knew she should be weeping at the thought of taking someone’s family away from them, of how many grieving people there were in the world thanks to her and her blood lust, but she didn’t feel the need to. Yes she shouldn’t have killed them, but she couldn’t beat herself up about it.

Then she remembered the horrified look on the little girl's face as she placed her dead father’s still warm heart in her little hands. The thought of her face being the stuff of that little girl’s nightmares, how much therapy that little girl was going to need just to function as a human. The realization that she single handedly crushed that little girl’s innocence broke her. Tears slipped down her cheeks as she pressed her back against the shower wall and slid down wrapping her arms around her wet knees as she let it all out.

Eventually though she realized crying wouldn’t make it any better. So she stood up, finished showering then wrapped her towel around herself and went to her room. After throwing on her usual lounging around outfit of a tank top and shorts she found Klaus in his room, lying shirtless in bed, reading a green faux leather book. “So this is your room huh?” she asked from the doorway as she looked around. Brown and cream sheer curtains hung over the windows, a brown and cream bedspread covered Klaus’s lower half and a round dining table sat under a crystal chandelier that matched one of the chandeliers that had been in her holding room. Several framed handwritten letters hung on the wall over the head of the bed. A lamp that sat on the bedside table dimly lit the room.

“How was your shower?” he asked, having heard her crying. She walked over to his side of the bed and hopped up on it then straddled him. Instead of answering him she pressed her face into his neck and wrapped her arms around his waist. The hug surprised him. Yes, they were close, they spoke intimately and had sex, and he’d hugged her when she cried about Elijah leaving her, but this hug was something more. This hug showed a certain amount of neediness and that wasn’t something he’d felt from her before. She cared about him, she wanted him, but he never thought she needed him. The fact that she did shook him to his core as he wrapped an arm around her waist and held the back of her neck with the other hand. The words I love you almost slipped over his lips, but he kept it to himself. Her soul had just shattered and in doing so flipped her switch back on, she was dealing with enough emotionally without him adding to it.

So instead of saying it, he slid down in the bed, keeping her on top of him as he grabbed a pillow and put it under his head. In an attempt to further comfort her he started playing with her damp hair. She hummed, closed her eyes and started lazily sliding her fingertips up and down his side. “That feels good.” Her words made him smile. “Klaus?” she asked quietly.

“Yes, Sweetheart?” he asked, still playing with her hair.

She found herself wanting to say those three little words, but she couldn’t let herself. If she said it out loud she’d be letting him in. If she let him in, he could hurt her and if he said it back…she could hurt him. He was the last person she’d ever want to hurt. So instead of I love you she simply said, “Thank you.”

“Any time.” He told her, making her smile. Then she opened her eyes and saw the green book on the bedside table.

“Is that my journal?” she asked, putting her hand on his chest as she pushed herself up.

“Yes.” He answered and she sat up to straddle him.

“Why were you reading it?” she drawled with suspicious eyes.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures.” He answered and she glared at him. “I’m the reason you abandoned your humanity, I wanted to be the one to help you find your way back.”

“So what did you find out from reading the melodramatic bull crap that is my journal?” she asked as she started drawing nonsensical shapes on his chest.

“I know you like Italian food, hate chocolate and love cheesecake and strawberry ice cream. I found out that you lost your virginity to Damon, poor choice if you ask me, as well as a plethora of other things, but what caught my attention most was the poetry.”

“Ugh.” She made a disgusted noise and wrinkled her nose. “Why?”

“Because it’s good.” He told her, giving her thigh a light squeeze. “And I like poetry.”

“So…” she sighed, deciding to change the subject before he decided to start filling her head with compliments. “Fill me in on what I’ve missed, please.”

He pushed himself up to lean against the headboard then moved her around to sit between his legs leaning back on him with his arms wrapped around her.

From there he told her everything that happened since she flipped her switch. How, when he found out about Katie flipping her switch, he made Bonnie put him back into his body that hadn’t been completely burned because the casket he was in when he was stabbed got closed and extinguished the flame.

How the hunter named Connor showed up in town. He was part of a group of five supernaturally gifted vampire hunters whose mission was to find the original immortal, Silas, and the cure to immortality, cure Silas then kill him. Klaus had to leave Katie with Elijah to help control the hunter. The freshly turned Elena killed the hunter and therefore became haunted by the hunter's curse. When Elena killed the hunter, the tattoo that only hunters and potential hunters could see, showed up on Jeremy and the only way for Elena’s hallucinations to stop was for Jeremy to kill a vampire. Caroline talked Klaus into letting Jeremy kill one of his hybrids.

Some guy named Shane who was a professor that took over the college class that Grams used to teach, started teaching Bonnie a type of magic called expression not telling her that it was dark magic. Stefan and Elena broke up. Klaus and Stefan started working together to grow Jeremy’s tattoo that would lead to the location of the cure to immortality. They both want it for Elena.

They found out that Elena was sire bound to Damon. Meaning she was in love with him before she turned. Klaus found out when they all tried to neutralize him that his hybrids had broken their sire bonds to him and Tyler had led the rebellion. Klaus killed all of his hybrids and Tyler’s mom. Kol found out about them trying to find the cure and knew that if they did Silas would unleash hell on earth so he tried to thwart any attempt to find Silas. Klaus turned a bar full of people for Jeremy to kill and complete his mark, but Kol killed them before Jeremy could. Elena asked Klaus to help keep Jeremy safe from Kol who was trying to kill him to keep them from following the hunters mark. Kol also compelled Damon to kill Jeremy so he got locked up in the basement for a little while.

Kol tried to cut Jeremy’s arms off to keep the tattoo from spreading, so Elena killed him. Klaus was going to burn them both in the house, but Bonnie managed to trap him in Elena’s living room with a spell. Because Kol’s whole sire line died, it completed Jeremy’s mark. Klaus was stuck there while the others, besides Caroline and Tyler, went to Nova Scotia to find Silas and the cure. Tyler told Klaus that his plan was to cure Klaus and kill him. Caroline cleaned up Kol’s body while Tyler taunted Klaus on exactly how he was going to kill him. Klaus took his anger at Tyler out on Caroline by biting her. Tyler left Caroline there to make Klaus watch her die. Klaus couldn’t let her die and cured her. The next day Klaus, Caroline and Tyler used a hunter’s sword to decode Jeremy's tattoo, revealing that there is only one dose of the cure. Because Tyler tried to kill him, Klaus ran him out of town. Katherine killed Jeremy by feeding Silas his blood in order to get the cure out of his mummified hands.

Jeremy’s death put Elena in unbearable pain and Damon told her to turn her humanity off not knowing it would break the sire bond. She burned her house down with Jeremy in it.

“Can’t say I haven’t thought about burning my house down.” She commented.

“After everything I just told you that’s what you comment on?” he asked, putting his chin on her shoulder as he looked at her face. She just shrugged. “No comments on the fact that I slaughtered my hybrids and killed your ex-boyfriends mother?”

“I get why you killed your hybrids, but on the flip side I get why they tried to kill you.” he poked her in the side. “What? For someone who wanted them for a back up family you kind of treated them like slaves.” She told him bluntly. “As for Tyler’s mom…she had her nice moments like trying to help me win Miss Mystic, and she loved her son, but mostly she was just a bitch. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard her call me trash. Pretty sure if you didn’t kill her I would have eventually.” She told him then turned around and straddled his lap.

Things were comfortably quiet for a little while as they both just enjoyed being with each other. “Happy birthday, by the way, I’m sorry I did not get you anything.”

“You’re the only birthday present I need.” She told him then wrinkled her nose. “That sounded far less cheesy in my head.”

He smiled. “I do not mind cheesy.”

She glared at him playfully. “You secretly love romantic chick flicks don’t you?”

He laughed looking a little embarrassed. “Maybe.” Katie smiled and looked at her hands exploring his torso. “Is that a bad thing?”

“Nope. I like it.” she told him then leaned down and kissed his neck.

“So what do you want for your birthday?” he asked as she kept placing random kisses over his neck and chest.

“An art lesson.” She answered, surprising him.

“The woman that colored in a coloring book to pass art class wants a lesson?” he asked and she stopped showering him with kisses to look at his face.

“I would have liked to learn, but the teacher sucked and it was kind of nice to have a break from my other, harder, classes.” She told him as her hands slid over his shoulders and down his arms to his hands that rested on her thighs and grabbed them in hers. “I want to know more about the things you’re passionate about.” She admitted as she pressed her palms to his.

He threaded his fingers through hers and pulled her into him catching her lips with his in a kiss that slowly deepened. After a few minutes of making out he let go of her hands, grabbed her shirt and pulled it over her head. He looked into her eyes as his hands found her breasts and kneaded them as he kissed her neck, his actions pulling a sigh from her as he slid down to lay on his back. She grabbed his chin and kissed his lips then kissed down his jaw line to his neck, pulling a sigh out of him with her touch. Her hands explored his torso as she kissed his collarbone, the hollow of his neck, the center of his chest then surprised him as she kept kissing lower, making his breath quicken when she threw the covers over her head and took him into her mouth. The grunt her action pulled out of him made her laugh only giving him that much more pleasure.

She was just starting to have fun when he threw the covers off of her, grabbed her chin and pulled her up for a heated kiss. “Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you?” he asked between peppering kisses over her neck and shoulders and his hand caressed her back.

“Show me?” she asked and he pulled away from kissing her to look her in the eyes as he rolled them over. She wrapped one arm around his torso while her other hand held the back of his neck. As he hovered over her, braced on his hand on the bed next to her head, he slipped his hand down her chest. He didn’t break eye contact as he moved his hand to her breast, kneading it before he pinched her nipple making her moan and dig her fingertips into his back. Desperate to have his lips back on her she pulled him to her for a needy passionate kiss. As they kissed his hand moved down her stomach then slipped into her shorts and panties. His talented fingers pulled a whimper from her that made him pull back and look her in the eyes as he pleasured her.

After a minute she pushed off the rest of her clothes, grabbed his wrist, pulled his hand away, rolled them over then sat up. When she slipped his slick fingers into her mouth he thought he was going to lose it, but he managed to hold back as he slipped them out and sat up. He grabbed her beast in his hand as she slid her hands over his toned arms. A growl left his lips as he attacked neck with kisses and nibbles making her laugh then sigh before he whooshed them around and sank into her.

A sigh left her lips as she squeezed her eyes closed and wrapped her legs around him. His sighs and groans only fueled her fire just as her whimpers and moans fueled his. He could tell she was getting close and as if on cue she sighed, “God, Klaus.”

“Come for me, sweetheart.” His words tipped her over the edge making her dig her fingernails into his back and tighten her legs around him. The slight pain of her nails in his back and intense pleasure of her orgasm sent him tumbling after her and pulled a loud grunt from him, making her smile as he let his head fall to her chest.

After they had both come down from the high he picked up his head and looked her in the eyes. As she moved her hands from his back to his chest she saw the blood on her fingernails and her smile faded. “Did I scratch you?” she asked, taking her hand off of him a little shocked at what she had done.

“Mmhmm.” he hummed and started kissing her chest absentmindedly.

“Did it hurt?” she asked, still looking at the blood on her fingertips.

“Only a little.” He answered.

“I’m sorry. I’ve never done anything like that before.” She told him.

He stopped kissing her to look her in the eyes. “Pain and pleasure sometimes go hand in hand.” She just looked at him with a frown. “It’s fine. I liked it.” he assured her.

“If you say so.” She told him deciding not to harp on it. He rolled off of her to lie on his side, turned off the lamp then pulled the covers over them. He smiled to himself when she tucked herself into his chest, intertwined her legs with his and wrapped an arm around his waist. She was being clingier than usual and he couldn’t help but love it.

He thought she was just reveling in the calm after the storm like she used to, but after a few minutes her breathing changed and he looked down to see that she had fallen asleep. So he kissed the top of her head and let sleep overcome him, happy that she was back in his arms.

[bitter-sweet-farmgirl]

Death On Pasaana

OC flees Kylo Ren/Ben Solo and the First Order because she feels drawn to the Dark side and doesn’t wish to go down that path.  But when the First Order invades the planet where she has been hiding, trying to recover from a poisonous bite, she has to face her previous lover.

Link to original version. (This is the edited version I created for my family to read)

MASTERLIST

OC(s) Used:  Rashada

Word Count:  3,196

~~~~~

Pain crept up my spine as I stared up in horror at the sky that was quickly becoming filled with TIE-fighters and the shadows of Star Destroyers.  My worst fears had come true, and I wasn't sure what to do or where to go.

But one thought was prevalent on my mind.  Escape.  I had to flee the planet, to get away from the First Order.

Grimacing, I placed a hand on my side, entering my small abode in the side of the cliff.  All my worldly possessions were here and it was time to pack up the essentials.

I didn't want to anywhere around this place when Kylo Ren set his foot onto the dry sand of Pasaana.  

But even though urgency filled my every nerve, I took a moment to breathe, to connect with the Force and replace my mental block that I'd let slip with the shock of seeing the First Order.  If Kylo Ren knew that I was here, it would be counteractive to my plans.

Once I felt my presence become obscured, I moved as quickly as my injured form would allow, gathering clothing and blankets, what little food I had and my meager supply of weapons which consisted of a rusting blaster and spear.  Not ideal, but I made do.

The dull ache returned, stronger this time, causing me to pause in my packing.  I took a deep breathe, placing a palm on the rough rock wall as I braced against the burning pain that seized me.

"This is sooner than I expected..."  I gasped, feeling the slowly healing wound burn as the poison from it invaded my bloodstream..  This was an unforeseen turn of events, but I figured I had plenty of time to get off this planet and to a medical center before I entered a coma.  Or died.  One of the two.

But I hadn't expected the time I had to take to recover from the prickling pains of it as it slowly hit my nerve centers.  

By the time I had everything packed, the stormtrooper platoons had landed and had started invaded the nearby Aki-Aki town.  

I watched, hidden in my cave, my chest heaving as I recovered from particularly painful burst of poison..  Where was Kylo Ren?  I knew he would show up eventually, and I just prayed that I could maintain the block I had against him as the pain became worse, because I didn't want him to find me.  Who knew what he might do to me.

I slung my pack across my back, grabbing my walking stick and keeping to the shadows, I tried to make it to the spaceport.  With a chunk of luck and a good ship, I could outmaneuver the TIE-fighters and go into hyperspeed before the Star Destroyers could react.

But my escape was halted by another slash of agony and a platoon of stormtroopers passing by.  I clutched at my side, feeling the skin tighten beneath my hand as my breathing grew ragged.  I gritted my teeth against the groan that struggled to escape.  But I held it in, knowing that then I would be discovered.  

The sound of more footsteps to my left made me turn and flee back to the outcropping of trees I had spotted.  It was far away from the town, hopefully far enough that the stormtroopers wouldn't think to search it.  

Pain again ripped through my body, causing me to stumble in my retreat.  But I pushed through it, adrenaline coursing through my veins, my heart pounding in my ears.  

The foliage was dark, supplying the type of cover that I liked, provided I was wearing dark clothes that blended in.  The sand was cool beneath my hands as I knelt, leaning against a tree and closing my eyes for a moment as I caught my breath.

Hours past as the stormtroopers secured the area, and officers rushed around, shouting orders to their units.  I sat and watched, a sinking feeling developing in the pit of my stomach as I realized that escape was impossible now.  

The next town was well over two days journey, leaving me with two options.  I could either surrender to the First Order and receive medical attention, or I could stay here.

The second option was a worst-case scenario, but I'd rather die by myself than be captured by Kylo Ren.  

A guttural groan left my lips as the wound began to bleed, a paralyzing force gripped at my body, causing me to lean farther back against the tree, pressing a hand against the red spot growing on my tunic.

It was becoming harder to hold together the mental block in the Force as the poison spread and became stronger.  

"I wonder what it might have been like..."  My voice trailed off wistfully as I detected the approach of another ship.  It was agonizingly familiar, and I felt tears prick my eyes as I watched the tall figure walk down the landing ramp, a black cloak flowing around them.

The masked figure surveyed the destruction, my eyes following their movements.  But then pain consumed me and my eyes closed as I struggled to keep my breathing regular, maintain the block, and keep myself from screaming, all at once.  

I'd thought blaster wounds were painful, but the pain of Canyon adder poison, that was much worse.  

A tingling sensation began to develop along my waist, prompting me to gingerly shift my position in an attempt to relieve it.  

The next wave of pain elevated the tingling to almost agonizing, and I inhaled sharply, the softest of groans escaping my lips as I closed my eyes against the feeling of the venom.

Then the tingling vanished, only to be replaced by a feeling of foreboding.  I'd heard that things got better before they got worse.  And that saying had been directly correlated to Canyon Adder poison.

"Oh no, oh no, no, no, no."  The thought began, but then ended as pain blazed through my body.  I felt the Force block shatter as my concentration broke.  My pain screamed through the Force, causing the mask figure to flinch and turn to look to where I lay.  His boots made no sound on the sand as he took off towards the copse of trees.

Before I could catch my breath, a cherry-red lightsaber was humming against my neck.  I opened my eyes to look up at him, my eyes unreadable.  I wanted to catch him off-guard, to use the Force in some way against him, but I knew I wasn't strong enough.  That amount of concentration was beyond me in this moment.  

"Who are you?"  The question came out more as a command, the deep, robotic voice causing me to flinch.  I didn't want to answer, because he would recognize my voice.

A simple shake of the head didn't satisfy him.  The lightsaber inched closer to my neck, forcing my head against the rough bark of the tree as I struggled to avoid the humming blade touching my skin.

I could feel another wave of pain building, and my breathing hitched, growing irregular as pain washed over me in a never-ending cycle.  Eyes closing in an attempt to control the pain, my body trembled as I clutched at the burning wound, a soft cry emerging from my lips as the pain reached its peak.

"Are you alright?"  

The question caught me off-guard, my eyes snapping open at the compassion in the man's voice.  This was a side of Ren that I'd never thought I'd see.

The lightsaber had disappeared and Kylo was kneeling beside me, his mask lying on the sand beside him as he stretched a hand out to my stomach.  I could feel him reach out with the Force.

"I wouldn't have scared you if I had known you were injured."  He murmured, his chocolate eyes coming up to meet mine as he tried to search my mind.  I frowned at him, the mental block reappearing in an instant, the effort causing sweat to bead across my forehead.

Another torturous wave swept over me, and I cried out, my breath coming in gasps as my hands reached for something to hold onto, anything to try and take my mind off the pain.  "Nerf Herder's"  O hissed, vaguely recognizing that Kylo had taken my hand, letting me squeeze it tightly as I waded through the pain.

When I glanced back over at him, he was staring at me, eyes wide as his gaze searched my face.  Something in his eyes told me that he knew who I was.  

"Rashada!  I-I thought you were dead.  You disappeared during the invasion of Jakku, and I thought you had died."  He murmured, scooting closer.

A bitter, nostalgic smile appeared on my face.  "No, I escaped.  I didn't want to become like you."  I muttered, watching him closely.  I didn't trust him.

He looked hurt by my obvious mistrust of him, but continued holding tight to my hand, staring at me like he couldn't believe I was sitting there beside him.  "How come you never said anything about your fears?"

Tears built up in my eyes as emotions resurfaced.  Emotions I hadn't let myself feel for so long because they physically hurt.  Memories that at one time had been so happy were now sad and bitter.

Kylo noticed the tears before they fell, reminding me how attune he was with me, how intertwined he was with me in the Force.  He reached out to brush them away, his gloved hand gentle against my skin.

"Because it would have made leaving so much harder than it already was."  I whispered, my body stiffening against the onset of another rush of agony, prompting me to whimper.  "Kylo... I'm scared."  I admitted, finally owning up to the feelings I had about actually dying.  About the pain I already knew I was going to experience if this was only the preliminaries.

Kylo's expression turned worried, and he hesitantly reached his arms out to gently pull me closer to him.   "We'll be okay, Rash.  I'll protect you from anybody."  He murmured.

"Even from yourself?"  I couldn't help but wonder, but then the pain appeared suddenly, a low cry leaving my mouth as I grabbed Kylo's hand.  "Kylo, it hurts, really bad."  I gasped out, and Kylo began to panic.

"Why..?  Wait.  What's wrong?"  Another cry from me caused him to wince.  It hurt him to see me in pain and there being nothing he could do about it.

"Canyon adder."  I half-screamed through clenched jaws as I writhed on the sand.

"Okay--Just hold on."  He said, waiting for the pain to abate before pulling me to my feet.  I wanted to tell him that it was legitimately impossible for me to walk right now, given that poison was spreading through my entire body, but I couldn't muster the breath to say so.

So I just stumbled along beside him, feeling the poison make its way through my veins as I moved, basically using Kylo as support while my legs struggled to hold me up.  Every fiber of my being screamed to lie down, to let sleep overtake me.

I was actually thankful to see Kylo's ship, until that annoying ginger walked out of it.  Of course he would accompany Kylo on missions.  That man had always plagued me when Kylo wasn't around, trying to get me in trouble.

"Lord Ren, the invasion has--Who is this?"  Hux began speaking then noticed me, his eyes narrowing as he recognized me.

Kylo breezed past him, easily detaching me from his side as he swept up the boarding ramp into the ship.  I could hear him shouting orders to call down a medical team from one of the Star Destroyers.

Hux scowled at me, not pleased about my sudden reappearance.  "So, how has life as a First Order escapee been treating you, Bonviere?"  He asked in a falsely polite voice.

I glared at him, hands clenching and unclenching as I tried to keep from falling.  The poison was spreading down my legs, which made it incredibly hard to remain standing.  A rush of numbing tingling caused my skin to itch, and me to gasp and sway slightly, my teeth gritted in an attempt to remain strong in front of Hux.

"I see you got hurt.  You always were one for reckless decisions...  I thought your time with the First Order would have taught you better, but I suppose not everyone is careful."  He clicked his tongue sadly before continuing on with a small smirk on his face.

"Did you come running back to Ren, thinking he could make everything better?  Well, I have a newsflash for you...  He doesn't deal with cowa--"

A dark mass hurdled towards Hux, the hissing sound of a lightsaber igniting cutting off his sentence as the cherry-red blade flew towards his throat, stopping centimeters from his pale skin.

"You will NOT speak about her that way...  Unless you wish to die by my hands."  Kylo hissed, his eyes sparking with fury.  I could feel his anger through the Force; it was oppressive, although justly created.

Hux apparently had no sense of self-preservation, as he spoke again.  "This woman?  Why?"  He asked in disbelief.

Kylo snarled, pressing closer to Hux at the comment.  "Yes, and if I hear one more rude comment from your sniveling mouth, I will close it in death."

Hux finally got the message, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed hard.  "Yes, Lord Ren."

Kylo took a deep breath, taking a step back from Hux, his dark gaze fixed on him.  I was appreciative of him speaking up, until pain ripped into me.  This one hurt, like I'd caught a lightsaber thrust to the abdomen.  The radiating pain caused my legs to turn to jelly, letting me fall to the sandy ground, clutching at my bleeding side.

Kylo heard my agonized cry and whirled around, sprinting to my side and dropping to his knees.  "Hux!  Find out where that medic team is, or I will have your head!"  Kylo yelled at the astonished Hux.

Hux watched us for a moment more before walking hurriedly back into the pilot ship, shouting orders, although he was subdued by the astonishing amount of death threats he had received within the last minute.

A ring of stormtroopers was gathering around my shaking form as I panted through the pain.  Kylo was truly panicking now, utterly clueless about what he should be doing.

"The poison is spreading."  I gasped, moaning as an urge to tear at my skin became excruciating.  There was no turning back now.  This was a life or death matter.

"Stand guard!  If I catch any of you disobeying my orders, you will wish you'd never been born."  Kylo said, making all the stormtroopers swiftly turn in the opposite direction, keeping an eye out for possible threats.  

Dark eyes scanned my face as Kylo propped me up against himself.  He gently tugged my tunic  

up a little ways to look at my side.  He gave a hiss of astonishment at the greenish tinge on my skin surrounding the bite marks.    

I felt faint as I gasped for breath, unable to regulate it with the nonstop pain.  Kylo clasped my forearms as he breathed deeply, regularly.  "Just breathe with me.  Breathe.  I'm not going to leave you here.  You're going to be fine."  He murmured softly.

His chest rose and fell in a comforting rhythm against my back as I leaned against him.  I tried to match my breathing with his, and found the dizziness vanishing as oxygen flooded my lungs.

But then pain returned, and I closed my eyes, a groan leaving my lips as I squirmed against it, wondering if it was ever going to stop.  

Kylo shuddered behind me, and I noted an ease in the pain.  It wasn't much, but it was noticeable, making it almost, but not quite, bearable.

"That better?"  Kylo whispered in a strained voice, and it suddenly hit me that he was using the Force to take some of the pain away, experiencing it himself.  

"Only a little."  I answered him in a breathless voice, which rose in pitch as the poison moved up my chest, causing me to cry out as it reached a crescendo of unknown agony.  

Kylo wrestled with his own experience of my agonies, groaning quietly to himself, employing old Jedi techniques to ease the torture and trying to regulate his breathing as he felt pain that he'd never known existed.  And he knew that he was only experiencing a fraction of it.  He could only imagine what I felt like.

"Just hold on a little longer Rash.  Don't give up now."  He encouraged, his voice tense as his body shuddered in reaction to another wave of pain mounting within me.  

My body grew rigid as my muscles seized with the effects of the poison.  Guttural groans escaped my lips as I juggled the pain.  "Kylo, I can't.."  My voice trailed off as I conserved my breath for the next explosion of the pain that I knew would come.

Then people were suddenly swarming around the two of us; the medic team had finally arrived from one of the Star Destroyers.  A woman wrapped a bandage around my oozing wound as another quickly stuck a syringe in my arm, injecting an antivenom.  My body writhed as the poison reacted with the antivenom, a scream emerging from my already raw throat.

Kylo grunted, his breath hissing through his clenched teeth as the pain reached an excruciating level.  Then it vanished, only to be replaced with blessed relief as I sank back against his sweat-soaked chest.  

I watched through half-closed eyes, catching my breath after the exhausting experience I'd been through.  I could feel Kylo's chest heaving in rhythm with mine as he recovered from the pain of his own experience.

"That was," Kylo thought for a moment before continuing.  "Agonizing.  How did you stand it?"  He asked, and I laughed softly.  

"I don't know."  I murmured, cuddling closer against his damp chest, feeling his arms come and wrap around me in a comforting hold.  

"I almost lost you, but you fought a warrior's battle."  Kylo mumbled against my hair, making me smile.

"Bonviere, how are you feeling?"  A medic asked, and I turned to look at them.  

"A lot better, thanks."  I said, and they nodded.

Kylo pulled me back against him, clucking softly.  "Don't overexert yourself..."  He said, watching me closely.  "You almost died."

I shrugged it off.  "Well, I'm still here and as chipper as a cricket!"  I said, making a smile appear on his face.

"I do not doubt it, but if you don't calm down then I will be forced to squash the 'cricket' in an attempt to make it rest."  He said in that off-hand tone I knew as his 'do not cross my orders otherwise I will do exactly what I just said' voice.

So I calmed down.  After all, I had almost died.  

[imzadi-caskett-huddy]

House, M.D. Fanfic (15/?)

Thank you to everyone who has taken time to leave a note on my story.  I hope you continue to enjoy my rewrite of particular scenes and episodes with regards to Huddy. As always, I don't own House. If I did, Lisa Edelstein would have been offered the world to stay and be a major part of season 8.

As stated in previous chapters, the story follows the big picture laid out on the show, but with my own take on things. I do sometimes use dialogue from episodes... but there are slight changes and adaptations, as well as additions to fit what I need. We're up to the rehab and drug trial where Cuddy perjures herself for House. This is a good one, folks!

Thanks to @love-hope-faith-feels-like-a-lie on Tumblr for reading my ideas and providing positive feedback! I love feedback... good, bad or ugly. Seriously. It's like my Vicodin. So please enable me! Enjoy!

xxxxx

"If you called about wanting to schedule conjugal visits, you're going to have to work that out with the warden," he said, entering her office.

"You need to talk to Tritter," she responded, moving toward her desk.

"Not according to my lawyer."

"Your lawyer can't get the DA to drop the case. Tritter can."

"Yeah, you know what else Tritter can do?"

She lost her temper then. "Why do you have to be such a child? You are not impressing anyone, least of all me!" she slammed the file in her hand down on her desk. "You call yourself principled, but what you really are is a stubborn adolescent idiot."

"You slept with me. You still want to sleep with me. What does that say about you?" he tried to deflect.

"That's not what this is about, and you know it," she countered. "And I don't. Not when you act like this...this...manchild."

"I'm not the one who..."

"You used the rectal thermometer on him," she interrupted him. "You insulted him instead of apologizing. You flaunted your drug use in his face. And you refused to accept a deal..."

"I accepted the deal!" he defended himself.

"Not until after you stole a dead guy's pills," she pointed out.

He sighed. "Allegedly," he mumbled.

"Tritter has been opening doors for you every step of the way, and you keep slamming them shut. There are no more openings to give, House," she told him then, her last statement almost carrying a double meaning. She wasn't sure she had anymore openings to give to him right now either. "If you want one, you've got to make one for yourself," she added a little softer. She moved to grab a script from her desk and placed it in his hand. "It's for Vicodin. You function better on it. Talk to him."

xxxxx

"Did Tritter offer you another deal?" Cuddy asked, she and Wilson sitting at a table with him in the common room of the rehab facility in the hospital.

"Nope, this is all me," he said, taking a drink of water. "What, no slaps on the back? Encouraging words?"

"We're just trying to understand what this is," Wilson answered him.

"I hope this is me detoxing," he replied.

Cuddy studied him for a moment. "So this is for real?" she asked. "It's not just a show for Tritter?" Part of her wondered if maybe it was for her too. Maybe he was trying to create an opening to be with her too.

"Absolutely it's a show for Tritter," House answered, and Cuddy could feel her heart drop, her hope fade at his words. "And for the judge. Unfortunately unless it's real, there is no show. But hey, if it doesn't help my case, at least I can go to prison with heightened senses," he commented.

The look of compassion mixed with care in Cuddy's eyes as she studied him was something Wilson definitely did not miss. But before either of them could say anything, the orderly interrupted their visit. "Time's up. Group is starting."

Cuddy stood and gently placed her hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "You're going to get through this, House," she told him softly, offering him a smile.

He breathed deeply and looked down, hiding his eyes from her and Wilson. The last thing he wanted either of them to see was the way her gentle touch got to him.

xxxxx

House was sitting by the window smoking when Wilson approached. "You're not my mom, you don't have to keep checking up on me," he stated as his friend took a seat.

"How are you doing?" he asked.

"Not bad considering I just discovered I'm powerless," House replied.

"Look around. You see this big wing? It was built because this program works."

"Faulty logic. It was built because people with money think this program works. They want to believe they can buy a better world. This is nothing short of idealized despair."

"I don't even know what that means," Wilson shook his head. He sighed. "This takes time. It takes work. You've only been here for two days. You're here to find a way to deal with your pain and move on with your life."

"Right. I should be more like you...have an affair with a dying patient and move into a hotel," House countered.

Wilson sighed then and looked at his friend. "What about you and Cuddy?"

"There is no me and Cuddy."

"House, she's good for you..."

"Yeah, I know she's good for me. She makes me feel better than any drug I've ever taken, higher than any high I've ever had. But I'm no good for her. I'm no good for anyone."

He thought for a moment. "You're a coward, House. And you're going to lose maybe the best thing you could have because you're too stubborn and too scared to try for something real with her."

House arched an eyebrow as he took a drag from his cigarette. "Thanks for the pep talk," he said sarcastically. "You can go now," he added, blowing the smoke in his direction.

xxxxx

"You perjured yourself for me," he stated when he saw Cuddy walking up to the side of the jail cell he was currently sitting in.

"You were willing to take Tritter's deal for me. And you went to rehab," she pointed out softly. 

He breathed deeply. "I was going to take the deal to keep you and Wilson from having to choose whether to really testify against me or lie on the stand. Didn't quite go as planned since you ended up lying for me anyway. Thanks for that, by the way," he said sincerely. "And I only went to rehab to look good in court."

Whatever she was about to say was stopped before it could start when Wilson walked up with the envelope of meds he gotten from the rehab center for House.

"I didn't do it for you. You're the best doctor on staff. I did it to keep from losing the patients that would die while you were in jail," she stated. "You made me perjure myself. Fabricate evidence. You make everyone around you worse for being there. The only bright spot in all of this is now I own your ass. You're going to be doing double clinic duty. You're going to lecture students. You're going to attend fundraisers. You owe me. Enjoy your night in jail. Your double duty at the clinic starts tomorrow," she finished, leaving him behind with Wilson then.

Wilson just looked between the two. "What did I interrupt?" he asked curiously.

House shook his head. "Nothing."

"Didn't look like nothing when I walked in."

"Cuddy was being Cuddy," he shrugged. "You're reading way too much into this. I told you before, there's nothing there anymore. Probably never was. Those my meds from Voldemort?" he tried to change the subject.

"Yes," he handed his friend the envelope. "House, you told me you fell in love with her. She just perjured herself to save your ass. That's not 'nothing.' That's actually the opposite of 'nothing.'"

House ripped open the envelope. "You heard her. It had nothing to do with me. She was protecting the hospital. She was protecting future patients from having to die while I was in jail. She was protecting her cash flow. It wasn't to save me. She and I..." he trailed off shaking his head. "Look, I'm a horrible person. I've done horrible things. She said it best...I make everyone around me worse. Rehab didn't change that. I'm still the same screwed up, horrible person I was before. If we were together, the sex would be amazing enough to gloss over everything for a few months. But eventually I'd do something horrible again, and she would remember all the horrible things I've done. She would realize that being with me is a huge mistake, and I would rather detox from Vicodin a hundred times than have to detox from Lisa Cuddy again," he took the pills he dumped into his hand, closing his eyes in relief.

That was actually quite the revelation from his friend. He really was in deep where Cuddy was concerned. "House, you're an idiot! You never detoxed from her in the first place. She's still in your system...you see her every day! And she's never detoxed from you either! The woman lied under oath for you. She already knows all the horrible things you've done. She knows where all the bodies are buried. And she still cares about you, still tries to protect you anyway. You're scared and trying to protect yourself from being hurt again," Wilson pointed out. Pausing a moment, he continued. "If any of my ex-wives had fought for me the way Cuddy fights for you, I'd still be married to them." And then he realized the look on his friend's face. "Is that... is that Vicodin?"

"Told you I'm the same screwed up person I was before rehab," he stated with a smug smile.

"But...but those pills came from the orderly at rehab..." he trailed off. "He's been slipping you Vicodin? Why...how?"

House smiled a little more. "Yes, why would he risk his minimum wage job to give me my pills?"

Wilson just stood there, shocked, though he realized he probably shouldn't be. House was brilliant. Of course he'd figure out a way to make rehab into a ruse to get what he wanted. "Cuddy is going to kill you."

He shrugged. "Told you I would do something horrible and she would realize she can't be with me."

Shaking his head,  Wilson held up his hands in surrender. "You win. You can be alone and miserable forever."

[antichristsxbox]

Knight in Shining Armor

Summary: You’re a princess— locked away in a tower, under a sleeping spell, waiting for a brave suitor to come rouse you from your slumber. Luckily, Sir Michael Langdon has come to the rescue. 

From the writer: Hey guys, I’m so excited about this! I think there’s going to be a few more parts to this, so stay tuned and let me know if you’d like to be added to my tag list. Big shoutout to @jocelynscloset​​ for proofreading this for me! Also, if you like this, be sure to check out my masterlist here! <3 Update— here’s part two, here’s part three, and here’s part four + here’s my masterlist with more fics!

Word count: 2,404

Background knowledge in italics:

A princess blessed with the gift of the Light, as it is known. To be able to conjure up power from the good, almost like a wizard of the time. A scary gift, sure, but a gift nonetheless. It must be a recessive trait, as nobody else in the family has been touched by the Light thus far. As your powers grew with you, you turned from a whimsical girl to a seemingly omnipotent woman. Whispers became less hushed around the castle as doors would open with no servants, candles would light with no match, and books would become loose from top shelves with no ladder. The King and Queen, your parents, have decided it is best for you to wait for one of your own power to suit you. ‘Only the best, or better, for our princess,’ their words replayed in your mind. A tower was built with barriers only a skilled knight could make it through alive. It seems irrelevant, though, that you would have liked to stay awake. As you were lead to the tower, you were apprehensive, but excited for when you would soon be roused, if ever. 

Soft rays cascade through thin curtains to fall on bedsheets. A faint chirp! chirp! chirp! of the birds from outside can be heard. As you lift your head to see who has come, nobody more perfect could be thought of. This is not a figment of your imagination. Bright, blue eyes that energize you more the longer you look— soft, long, blonde hair that hangs a little past his shoulders, right above his silver, gleaming armor. 

How long it has been, you cannot tell. Your parents had you put up and locked away for your own safety. Your conjuring abilities had been far too much for them to handle. As powers grew, so did the desire to use them. Such a convenience to have, and a waste to not use, you thought. Now, that urge has subsided, all due to the happiness you were feeling that somebody had finally come to save you. A loving kiss was all it took to break the spell. Although it was a one-sided love for now, a warm feeling began again in your chest. The suitor must have made it through the traps and misleadings that lead up to your room— the highest room in the tallest tower. The tallest tower guarded by a moat full of fish, bigger than the great, big whale that swallowed Jonah, your father said. Top floors of the tower protected by a dog-beast of three heads and enormous size, and misleading staircases that would send the adventurer falling down thousands of feet if one wrong step was taken. 

“Are you here to save me?” you ask, sitting up and glancing at the mirror in your bedside table. A repressed memory tells you that you never looked like this before, not even entering the castle. A gold crown sits atop your head, three rubies, each in the middle of their own peak, the biggest gem sitting in the center. Red fabric falling from your arms as you reach up to touch the cold metal. 

“Yes, Princess,” he says, guiding your fingers from your crown into his warm grasp to place a soft kiss on the back of your hand. As you fully sit up, you swing your legs to the edge of your bed and stand. 

“Who is my suitor?” you ask, reaching for a gold pitcher and a crystal glass. Flowing from the top with ease is your first drink since probably five years. Clear liquid passes your lips and beads on your top lip, and you rub your lips together to rid them of the excess, then turn to the man behind you. 

He is now standing, at least six feet tall it seems. A very impressive, strong knight. A long sword hangs down from his belt, leading your eye to his gleaming, black boots. His hand makes its way to your shoulder, glistening in the sunlight. Wrist so reflective, it’s aggressive for a little clock. Diamonds glisten, light shining in through your arched window. 

“Sir Michael Langdon,” he says, kneeling before you and releasing his sword from its sheath, cling! The long strip of metal lies in his two hands as his head is bowed towards you. As you place your glass down, a finger of yours makes its way to the bottom of his chin, tipping his head up. Azure is all you can see, eyes almost as beaming as his armor in this sunlight. The warmth of his body being a now-familiar feeling, and a welcome reminder that you are, in fact, awake now. 

Sir Langdon stands again as you release your touch from his face. 

As you know, Michael is likely here to rescue, then marry you. He seems like a fine man, although you had only just met him. If he leaves without you, you are stuck here, now awake and with little water and food to sustain yourself with. The spell had been broken, and it seems nearly impossible for you to replicate it yourself. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, you toy with the idea or running off with Michael and never returning. How would your family know that you’ve been saved? Do they come to check up on you often? The barriers set seem near impossible to sneak past and still leave intact. 

“Come with me, Princess, your kingdom is so eager to meet you,” he says, offering an arm for you to grasp. 

“Do you not wish to know who it is you are leading?” you say, taking a small step back and offering a small smile.

“My apologies, Princess, what is your name?” he says, now holding his hands clasped behind his back, posture straightening up in anticipation of an answer. 

“Lady Abigail of Minnesott,” you say, softly reminiscing of your home before the tower. A river ran down behind your castle, and an open field before it. Wild deer, turkey, and mustangs all present in the temperate, deciduous forest around your home. Oh, how the leaves would turn in autumn. How sharks teeth and pottery fragments were readily available as the tide drew in, when you pursued the river bank searching for lost treasures. You could only hope for a place as beautiful, wherever Michael would take you. 

“A beautiful woman of a beautiful land,” he says, offering his arm again. Warm metal is a refreshing sensation across your fingertips, and Michael leads you down the staircase. With horror, you witness the scattered bones of at least ten men, splayed across the floor beneath you, piled up near where the dog-beast once resided. Dried-up blood stains and gore were on display across the walls, the only other artwork here besides the oil on panel of your family, safely tucked away in your room. 

Past the slain dog-beast, for it was not just a creature of your father’s dreams. Across the long bridge of the moat, above the murky waters. Shadows of large fish and glimmering of large scales suggest that one of those creatures may still hold Jonah captive.

Out on a post was a dark horse, secured with a rope skillfully tied. One pull, and the rope is free of its tangles. A firm hand grasps your waist as you mount the horse, but hands are careful to travel no further south. A true gentleman, you must remark in your mind. As Michael mounts the horse in the seat in front of you, one swift kick is all it takes before the four feet under you are trotting, then running. A small jingling noise is coming from the seams of your dress, and a quick investigation is needed before you determine that a compass is in the pocket of your dress. One small glance down, and you realize that the horse is taking you south rather than North.

“Should we not be headed toward Vandemere?” you ask, a somewhat urgent tone in your voice.

“My kingdom is south, Princess, near Havelock and towards the Croatan Forest,” he says, a stern look in his face as he scans the path ahead. As Michael seems to know where he is going, your worries are washed away. Your sense of direction may have been put on hold during your deep slumber, but it is back now, and perhaps stronger than it was before. 

The forgotten feeling of tiredness washes over you, and before long, your grasp on Michael loosens enough so you could relax, but you’re still steady while he’s riding horseback— you lean in to drift off on his shoulder, warm metal and all. When you wake, it is now dark outside, and the horse has stopped running, but it now simply slow-trotting through a forest. A few more minutes through the dark forest, and Michael beckons the horse to stop. He is now dismounting his ride and tying up on a tree branch.

“Stay here, Princess, I must go search for a landmark on our way,” he says, walking off. You pull out your compass once more, only to realize that the arrow will not point anywhere besides south, no matter where you turn. 

“Are we more towards Trent, or Pollocksville?” you ask, but Michael is already into the woods before you even began to speak.

Ears alert and ready to pick up on any cues as to where Michael is. Not a chirp! from a bird, not a crackle! from skimming the side of a bush, not a swoosh! as his feed passed over the ground. Only visual cues left to guide you towards him— if you choose to go and venture— even the stars being hard to see through the thick foliage. 

“Princess!”

Your heart skips a beat as Michael shouts. Your leg swings over the saddle so you’re sitting atop the horse, then you carefully slide down, using the stirrup as a guide as to where to place your feet. It is only then you realize how fatigued you are, running on barely any water and no food since years ago, probably. 

“Sir Langdon, I’m following your voice!” you shout, heading the direction his initial call came from. Step by step, you make your way on the dusty ground. There is no path, no landmark presenting itself yet. Only the memory of which way his voice had come from. It is now colder than you remember it being at night, although this could just be due to being farther inland— no body of water acting as a heat sink during the day, then releasing heat through the night. 

Leaves crunch! under your feet as you begin walking faster. The darkness tends to disorient you. Faint outlines of trees begin to grow and shrink as you walk further. Turn around and you’ll see nothing, only the night’s dark blanket, engulfing the sky and almost everything around you. 

“Are you alright?” a faint voice causes you to turn around, and you find Michael waiting for you by a strange stump, it seems like. As you walk closer, you realize it is a ring of mushrooms, leading down to what seems to be a small cavern, only there is no other demarcation other than the ring of mushrooms to warn any passerby of this dip in the road. Walking closer, you see it is actually a well, as the inside is even darker than the ground surrounding it, and the edges are a perfectly symmetrical circle. Very strange, you thought, but perhaps Michael would like to stop for the night and continue the long journey tomorrow. 

“Could we draw up some water?” you ask, looking towards the well, but not daring to step any closer than four feet. The last thing you would like is to be a victim in another situation where you would be in need of rescuing. 

“Of course, Princess,” Michael says, stepping closer towards you and taking your cold hand in his warm one. As his fingers travel up your arm and toward your jawline, you shudder at the sensation and move back. He begins to lean closer, with his still-warm armor grazing your front. He takes another step forward to move into you closer and brings his arms around you protectively. A small shuffle in your direction from him has his warm face nuzzled between your shoulder and neck. 

“I would never do anything to hurt you,” he says, voice muffled from his face being buried in your dress. You step back to look at his face, although you can barely see a thing in the overwhelming darkness of the night. It is very hard to trust a man you had only met earlier today, and you would only have to see with time if Michael could hold up to this. 

Creeping in from the back of your mind, a very fatiguing sensation begins to wash over you once more. You feel wobbly almost, and contemplate just falling asleep then and there, your dress is thick enough to keep you warm through the night, and it seems as if Michael wouldn’t let you lie down alone. Michael then removes his face from your shoulder, and the cold air is again exposed due to your low neckline. His thumb rests on your top lip before his hand is entirely pulled away, moving towards your chest. It doesn’t take much to move you, and you almost melt at his lively touch.

“Forgive me, Princess,” he says. Without any time for you to question what he is asking forgiveness for, your fatigue has gotten the better of you. In perfect timing for Michael, a small jostle is all it takes for him to send you down the well. Unbeknownst to you, Michael had you exactly where he wanted you, luring you towards the secret Hellmouth. 

Information on ring of mushrooms mentioned:

Fairy rings are acknowledged to have otherworldly powers or be connected with dark forces, according to various folklore tales. They have a mythical reputation of fairies or supernatural creatures being present around the rings— there are many warnings of the dangers of entering a fairy ring throughout different stories. Many sources warn of fairy rings being created by shooting stars, lightning strikes, or the work of witches. Some even say entering a fairy ring can lead to certain doom. 

///

Tag list: @langdonsoceaneyes​ @ms-mead​ @daydreamingofcody​ @psychobitchtess​ @swampwitchh13​

[advernia]

fic: chart the stars onto your skin

— they'll never disappear or fade completely, but they're still beautiful nonetheless. - queen of hearts/alice the second.

1: here you go + a happy new year to you, anon! ٩(^ᴗ^)۶ i'm definitely up for some romance, but hopefully this is romantic enough for your tastes! (゜▽゜;)

childhood.

His mother wore gloves: they’re made of fine silk and would reach up to her wrists, color a pristine white or a deep black depending on the occasion - they were form-fitting too, so if one would take a moment to peer well; it could be observed that her fingers were long and slender, her palms rather short, and wrists a bit thin.

For as long as he could remember she would always wear her gloves till day turned night, and rare was the sight of her without them on - so when, for some reason, she had to slip off a glove from her hand; he stares: he stares at the sight of her bare skin that looked fair and unblemished like porcelain, at the smooth palm and knuckles without so much as a trace of a single wrinkle, at the conical dainty fingers with each nail well-shaped and unpainted. 

.

.

.

The setting for his first dance was the Civil Center’s gardens, and his partner was a Marquis’ daughter who wore no gloves - despite both of them being the same age, he notes that her hand was smaller than his own by a noticeable margin. Her complexion is tan and clear, the palms of her hands and the pads of her slightly stubby fingers soft to the touch, her nails long but smartly shaped.

He maintained a careful grip on her hand throughout their dance, even if he could feel her hand gradually become clammy against his halfway through the song.

.

.

.

After his first dance he spends a great deal of the event humoring requests or offers for a dance, and while there were unique differences to every hand he touched, he eventually arrives to his own generalization of what a girl’s - a lady’s hand was to be like -

- they are small and dainty with skin soft and smooth, as if he were holding something delicate in his grasp.

And anything delicate meant that it was fragile, so as a young boy and as a proud young noble, he takes it upon himself to treat every lady he would meet with great care.

                The first time her mother makes a homemade cake, she’s determined to stick to her mother like glue.

Her father wouldn’t allow that, though - he teasingly reminds her to do chores before spending all day in the kitchen again, and even her mother pipes in by saying ‘no cake if you don’t do your chores’. Not wanting to miss a detail of cake making but also pressured to fulfill her responsibilities, she vehemently tells her mother to work as slow as possible before dashing out of the kitchen to start her duties: making her bed, sweeping the house and the yard, then finally tending to the garden. 

In her haste, she forgoes wearing gloves while weeding and as she pulled at a stubborn clump of weeds, she gets pricked by something and she yelps - her father comes running, inspects her muddied hand. Nothing’s bleeding and she isn’t crying, so with a relieved grin, her father urges her to wash her hands immediately.

She nods and rushes into the house.

.

.

.

Her father allows her to skip garden duty so she’s able to watch and assist her mother in making the cake - as their creation sits on the oven to be baked, her mother frowns when she admits that her hand got pricked because she forgot to wear gloves while weeding.

As a girl, you ought to take good care of your hands, her mother chides with a lilt in her voice, if they have too much scars, you can’t get married!

Far too young and impressionable, her eyes grow wide and teary as she lets out a whiny screech -

But I wanna get married!

                                youth.

Jab, strike, parry.

One, two, three. 

There was not a single thing elegant about prolonged hours of grueling training - all it brings is an inordinate amount of sweating and a painful degree of exhaustion, but he had to think beyond that: not only was he part of a prestigious noble family that carried generations of proud crimson blood, but soon he was to shoulder the title that his family was chosen to bear.

It’s the greatest honor, the foundation of his life, and his destiny ever since he was born.

But with honor came worth: bruises, scars, and callouses could litter themselves on his flesh for all he cared, but never again would he allow himself to be questioned and stepped upon by any man or woman, constantly underestimated and ridiculed for being a little boy born with the fine features of a doll.

His body may look like porcelain; but his determination, strength, and pride were far from fragile.

If he needed to put every single ounce of effort he could muster into shaping himself as someone who was undoubtedly worthy, then so be it.

                One chance. 

Make or break.

She breathes in the air of sugars and honey, of hostility and pressure - eyes are on her, but they aren’t of her parents or the people of her village: they’re all new and appraising, most of them sneering and dismissive. The scrutiny grows stifling as each second passes by, but she had to stand her ground - this could be her first and last opportunity, so she might as well give it her all.

If she would succeed, it meant that her tireless toil and persistence have finally paid off - whether they liked the thought or not, she proved herself worthy through a live demonstration her skill, and they would have no choice but to acknowledge what they’ve seen with their own eyes.

And if she failed, well… at least she put in an effort rather than bowing her head down immediately.

She takes one last glimpse at the bare skin of her palms and fingers before stepping forward. 

                                independence.

Her mother’s crying and some of the village kids are, too. Meanwhile her father’s laughing as he carries her bags, and the rest of the villagers try to hog her attention as much as possible, congratulating her with beaming smiles and showering her with wishes of good luck.

A carriage arrives, just as promised - an old man steps out, dressed sharply yet with a kind aura about him. He smiles when he sees her, she does the same as she performs a curtsy.

“I hope you’ve prepared yourself, young lady,” his voice is low and raspy, “The road to your dream is not easy, and it will be much harsher simply because you are a woman - are you prepared?”

He extends a hand out to her, in the notion of a handshake. For a moment, she simply stares at the unexpected gesture as her hands and palms twitch uncomfortably, but then she shakes her head and meets the man’s - her master’s - gaze.

“I am,” she declares, an open hand reaching out to meet his. 

                They come in droves like they always do: dressed in flowing finery, adorned in sparkling jewelry, and drowning in perfume.

One of them feel particularly brave and while he’d give her that, there was absolutely nothing else to speak well of: she wore her makeup too thick, her hairstyle not to his tastes, her scent insufferably cloying, her gown lined with too much sequins and flashing an amount of skin inappropriate for a lady of her noble station.

She bats her eyelashes at him slowly, action perhaps meant to be seductive but only proving to have the opposite effect on him. Still, this was a formal occasion and she was a Duke’s daughter, so perhaps he could afford humoring her… if only for five seconds at best.

“No amount of words can express how wonderful it is that you were anointed Queen of Hearts this day,” she says, words lathered in honey, “If it is to your liking, I humbly offer myself as your dance partner for the ball tonight, by chance that the spot by your side is still available.”

As if it were the strawberry on top, she offers a saccharine smile - and his response is to openly scoff.

                                present.

The problem with her is that she has the most peculiar of tendencies that always manage to catch him off guard, a notable example being how she would occasionally brush her fingertips against his skin so tenderly, gentle warmth and short nails trailing and tracing the beginnings and ends of the paths well-worn scars have carved into his flesh. Her fleeting touches would make shivers run up his spine, tingling and yearning for more than just brief contact.

He doesn’t need to tell her how or why each scar had made its way onto his hands, his back, his body - not all of them have grand stories behind them and the worst ones were made when he was at his most vulnerable, states and phases that were already years behind him but still fresh in his memory. But when she does ask him about his wounds with a pensive expression crossing her face, nails lightly dragging against the mark of a certain scar repeatedly; he finds himself talking, and in a dispassionate manner to boot.

It’s simple, actually. He, who had been weak and bullied as a child was saved by the person he would eventually call his King, and from that point on he strove to be better, to be stronger in both body and mind. Eventually he succeeds and triumphs against all odds and adversaries to emerge victoriously as a competent soldier and a rightful Queen for the noble Red Army.

The difficult memories were still raw around the edges, but there was no use in getting worked up about things of the past - the old scars and bruises were never aesthetically pleasing and maybe he could’ve done something to lighten their traces on his skin, but he wasn’t particularly ashamed of his wounds since they were, in a sense, proof of all his hard work and effort.

Each time he would tell her another piece of his struggle she would look at him quietly, eyes filled with a compassion he sought for but never received during those hard times. When he was finished relaying his tale, no words would escape her mouth but instead, she presses a kiss on the scar she just learned about; lips firm and familiar against his skin.

Did she believe that by doing so, the pain would fade away?

But it didn’t hurt anymore, and he swore not to allow himself to be hurt that way again - but why is it that whenever he would watch her caress his wounds, he feels himself to be bleeding and his heart at the verge of tears, suffering like the little weak boy he used to be?

It’s no consolation, she whispers with her breath warm against his skin, but I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.

He says nothing and instead wraps his arms tightly around her, burying his face onto her neck and breathing in the scent of sweets; the scent of home.

                It turns out that he’s been meaning to ask about her hands ever since their first date.

She doesn’t resist as he pulls her hands towards him, unraveling her fingers to reveal her palms. The skin there is far from dainty, and he’s sharp enough to tell that it didn’t end up that way just because she was used to doing manual labor: even if in excess, that kind of work couldn’t result in the skin of one’s hands looking like it was fused together, forming lines and patches of rough uneven flesh a pinkish red shade. 

He fusses over it a bit, stating that if ever someone from of the Land of Reason was responsible for her scars, they would have hell to pay… but the real reason isn’t anything serious at all. The way she sees it, she was responsible for her own scars the moment she decided to become a confectioner: the profession dealt with candy and it was at its easiest to mold when hot, so any confectioner simply had to endure handling candy at such high temperatures if they wanted to shape it with ease.

Funnily enough, her first attempt at making candy made her mother cry more than she did - the scalding heat eating away her hands was incredibly painful, but the sight of her mother treating the burns at the verge of tears felt a million times much worse.

Smiling wryly, she also tells him the words she threw away in order to follow her path:

As a girl, you ought to take good care of your hands - if they have too much scars, you can’t get married!

She blinks when he lets out a laugh, and he surprises her even further with the look in his eyes as he stared at her palms: he doesn’t look at them with narrowed eyes, visible scorn, or immediate distaste. If she had to describe his gaze she would say that it was kind, even more so when he raises one of her hands to his lips, raining down such feather-light kisses on top of her scars.

When he speaks, his voice calms the familiar unease that tugs at her heart -

Perhaps that’s true: no matter how many marks brand your hands, a man who fails to appreciate your scars also fails to acknowledge the lengths you took to achieve your dream - he’s simply a fool that definitely doesn’t deserve your hand.

Oh, she muses but doesn’t say, for her mouth has just hung itself open. Her heart suddenly feels like it’s soaring as it echoes his words, years of uncertainty and criticism becoming lighter - and with that feeling, tears start forming and flowing out her eyes unbidden, and she can’t stop them from creating the tracks that run down her cheeks. 

Why are you crying? he asks with a voice so gentle, she could forget that he was sort of chiding her. She lets out a breathy, shaky laugh in response but the tears don’t stop coming; blurring the silver luster of his hair, the spun gold of his eyes, and the ivory of his skin into a jumbled mess of colors.

Softly, oh-so-softly, he sighs - he doesn’t let go of her hand as he closed the distance in between them; moving his face even closer to kiss her tears away: he starts from the tip of her chin then moves up to her left cheek and then plants a soft peck to her eyelid, doing the same motions for the right side of her face.

She’s still crying when his lips find hers, and in that moment he lets her have a taste of the happiness in her tears.

                                future.

Her ensemble comes with gloves: they’re made of fine silk and they reached up to her wrists, color a pristine white that complemented the pastel pink hues of her gown. They were form-fitting and if one took a moment to peer well, one could see the delicately embroidered butterfly stencils dancing about the back hand surface of the gloves.

She’s about to slip one on when he takes hold of her wrist gently.

You don’t need to wear them, he tells her with certainty. 

Are you sure? she asks, worry in her eyes. I’m okay with that, but we’re going to meet your parents and I don’t think they’d be pleased to see -

He cuts her off by pressing a swift kiss to her lips, tasting a bit of strawberry coming from the rouge she applied. 

What they want to see doesn’t matter in the slightest. I need them to see you and accept you for who you truly are - that’s how I fell in love with you, after all.

Jonah quickly turns his head away from her gaze, but she was able to catch a glimpse of the faint blush that colored his cheeks.

Feeling a blush spreading onto her cheeks as well, she laughs as she reaches out to slip her hand into his, taking comfort in the familiar feel of worn scars and callouses against her palm, her fingers, her fingertips.

.

.

.

The silk gloves lay forgotten on her vanity as they leave the room, neither of them looking back.

                2: when alice was introduced as a confectioner in the game’s prologue, i remembered yakitate japan’s monica… i tried researching about candy-making and stuff and i'm not actually sure if confectioners really have burnt hands due to holding extremely hot candy but! alice having scarred hands has been an hc for me ever since! 3: i pointed this out in my lance fic but in 19th century london, women commonly work in textile factories / mines / commerce / farms. supervisory roles & specialized professions (doctors, lawyers for instance) were closed off to women since they were seen to be skilled jobs. so realistically speaking, alice must be pretty lucky / talented to be employed in a confectionery and at london’s best to boot. 4: in addition, alice is assumed to be around her 20s and around this age, women usually busy themselves with getting married / finding a marriage prospect rather than getting employed. alice must be seen as unconventional in the eyes of london society, huh? ɖී؀ීϸ

[stormyreadingsxx]

The WHO and the WHAT

Giving understanding your chart a chance:

Planetary Alignments

Taurus, Pisces.... Even knowing your sun is a Cancer and your rising in Aries is all good and well. But planets add a whole other layer over the way you may function in a sign (or a house but that’s for another post I guess). It’s easy to remember traits about zodiac signs (like fiery elements and the differences between cardinal and fixed) but do you know what sign a given planet is in? If it is in strength or at a weakness? These observations can turn a non-believer of astrology into an advocate.

My Venus is in Virgo (also my sun and moon sign and of course in fall or working against it’s placement) meaning for ME, finding someone who has the capacity to understand my love language or not take advantage of my mutable big three has been hard. I notice a trend of retreating inward without knowing it (when my emotional needs aren’t met), and others need to see and hear things to know... And there is the disconnect. 

Mercury: ☿ The Messenger ~ The clear ruler of communication (and why the retrograde is so fantastically catastrophic, but more on that later), how we take in, let out, and process information is important. Your sun, moon, & rising should be taken into account separately from this. A sun in Scorpio may mean you’re mysterious, emotional (even if you hide it), and a bit brooding but a Mercury in Leo could mean you explain and express yourself with unexpected flair. Understanding this aspect in your chart can help you be a better listener, talker, or find out what kind of people you want to interact with in the long run. 

*I used my Leo Mercury as an example. I go through introverted, critical, and anxious bouts as an overthinking earth sign, but I’ve always had a knack for telling stories and only recently have I discovered this connection. Using humor to cope is comforting to most people, I guess. lol

Venus: ♀︎ The Lover ~ I will admit to using Sailor Senshi to remember my planetary themes, but yes this one is known emphatically as The Lover. In addition to your sun, moon, and Mercury this can give you insight to how you love, your own love language, and how best someone might receive you. My Virgo Venus has doubled down on the earthy acts of service as mine. I’ve always wanted to make sure the people I love and care about are fed (finishing my food if I cannot) and their lives easier (tidying a room, folding laundry etc...). Somewhere along the way, this became easier than words. 

That’s nice and all, but my criticalness and Mercury-ruled energy (A sharp Virgo way with words that can be weaponized and unfocused Gemini-ness that at best is spacey) it’s hard for me to get through to people at times. Understanding yours (or someone else’s) Venus is their approach to romance (so how much more emotionally intelligent do you feel understanding how you communicate and how you approach love ?). 

Mars: ♂︎ The Warrior ~ If Venus is our feminine ~love~ energy, then Mars is obviously the opposite (at least in symbol). What grinds your gears? Turns thoughts and ideas into action? Mars is about expressing (our anger) and how we get what we desire. What is that cost?

Our drives and our passions.... Mine happens to be in Gemini. I love my ability to go with the flow and appeal to all sorts of people, professions, and hobbies. But this energy (even with my earthiness) is unfocused. Lots of thought and brain action (and typing at 3 am asfcgsd) but harnessing it is not always an easy thing for me. If we can be honest here, it never has. 

I can be easily bored (although I will say I’m crushing boredom in quarantine for the most part) and my mercurial ass is actually exhausted and borderline in distress when I’m bored. My mind races and it becomes anxiety. Even hyper-vigilant criticisms of myself. I’ve turned to bottles, pills, and risky behavior to avoid it! Now that I see and understand this cloying longing to feel like I belong everywhere and the way chaos manifests in my space if I’m not well, I begin to understand and fix that. 

I must find balance in the doing and the not doing but I can’t let my mind get bored. I’ve always been a fidgety person and talked with my hands (my massaged cat and friends can attest to both). And I often take on many projects and only the strong survive.... I used to not understand my Gemini rising but the more I talk, the more it make sense (since it is ruled by the Mercury communicator and the area of the hands).

Jupiter: ♃ The Sage ~ Now here’s something maybe everyone can get into. Luck. Jupiter has to do with a lot of luck in our charts, how we improve our lives and show generosity throughout it. For me, though my Jupiter comes in the same sign as my sun and moon (New Moon babies unite), its is actually at it’s detriment or not working as strongly as it could be (a trend I’m noticing with my Virgo placements lmfao).

Investigation will show that I’ve always been good at being persuasive and using warm graces to win someone over. That’s why from customer service to [REDACTED] (rhymes with.... h*x w*rk), I make a good front of house. My need to see a tangible result of progress (in video games, typing things like this out, or reorganizing all my things, creating art) can be attributed to this. For a day dreamer, I have a very grounded chart. 

Saturn: ♄ The Taskmaster ~ Saturn, Saturn, Saturn.... Known of course by the infamous return, the one denoting when different clusters of generations ‘grow up’ (and I’m pretty sure I’m about due for AND going right through mine but I deleted co__star lmao), some associate with death. The end. Saturn is associated with restriction and limitation. Boundaries. This all sounds negative, but Saturn brings with it structure and meaning. A good relationship and understanding yields great things for life!

“Saturn is often associated with our fathers or father/authority figures. In childhood, the discipline, rules, and regulations imposed on us by our authority figures–from parents, teachers, and the like–were not always pleasant, but they actually helped us to understand the world around us. Similarly, Saturn’s lessons actually help us to grow.”

Ouch.

I will try to let this speak for itself and not project TOO much of my own chart as if you care, but I’ve only recently seen so deeply into what makes up who I am astrologically. I’ve always had a bit of a struggle with boundaries. Initiating them. Holding my space and comfort over others.

I was born during a New Moon and at LEAST one retrograde. 

Saturn.

I can condemn myself for that or I can keep going, deeper and see why and how going forward I don’t fall into the same pitfalls (or maybe give myself a little compassion seeing that others have struggled my struggle). It does kind of feel like the whole world is on it’s Saturn return right now, though. 

Uranus: ⛢ The Revolutionary ~ My Uranus was also in retrograde during my birth. I do feel conflict at this time of riots, protests, and rampant and unrepentant police brutality. People who look just like me die in the streets, in police custody, somewhere in strange circumstances. Vulnerable to covid and staying to help my parents, my place isn't at protests even if it feels like my heart is. I do my part to speak my mind and perspective, donate and raise awareness. Support my allies on the lines in the ways I can. 

I cannot lie and say the present doesn’t scare me. Or being tear-gassed, detained indefinitely, thrown in jail or court, or disappeared. All of it. 

“Uranus is quite at home in the eighth house of resurrections. You are naturally open and support change. “Change is good,” is your constant motto. Re-inventing yourself from time to time sounds like a good idea to you. You couldn’t possibly have it otherwise. Life would be boring without change. Your style and pace of bringing about change though may leave others dazed and breathless. The style of change that you prefer can be destructive to those around you. Your good intentions are never at doubt though. It’s just that you are addicted to your ideas and you sometimes overlook human emotions. Your natural impatience with status quo drives you to move fast leaving the staid behind.”

Maybe I jump ahead getting to houses, but I wanted to switch it up. Though Uranus was essentially moving backwards when I was born (and that seems to not bode well), the house (which can speak to a best way to reach the potential of your placements) seems to have kept me from losing all discernment and ability to adapt. 

On the topic of revolution among other things, I feel conflicted. Helpless. Futile. I’m finding my way through that, but it is almost awe-inspiring to see a struggle mapped out in the charts while I go through it. 

Neptune: ♆ The Dreamer ~ Didn’t I say earlier I’m a bit grounded for a daydreamer? A lot of my daydreams (and borderline escapism lol) are rooted and threaded in reality (especially since covid and damn near martial law have changed everyone’s perceptions of such). I have some far out dreams, but the content in my head could be shockingly close to reality sometimes. I love playing Animal Crossing and other general life simulations and always have.

Your vision of an ideal world may center around respect for rules, order, responsibility, and morality. You need to believe in the realizability of your dreams, and this means that your fantasies usually have a very realistic thread to them. There is a conservative, possibly somewhat cynical element to your nature. Because general optimism/faith does not typically carry or motivate you, energy levels may not be high when you don’t believe in what you’re doing, and inspiration is not easy to find in the first place. However, you can turn a dream into reality more easily than most. Your vision is practical but also doable.

I really am this optimistic-pragmatic-realistic but hardworking ???? person. My Neptune was also in retrogrograde during my birth. It has not hindered my creativity but even that is met with rigid expectations and an expected method for madness. I could stand to be dreamier and I work to inspire a calming, soothing, dreamy atmosphere (essential oils, Virgo 4th house things). But this may be why I always have my brain never too far in the clouds. Not without stimuli. 

Pluto: ♇ The Transformer ~ Ah, Pluto is the Ruler of Scorpio. A deep cut in my chart but I have always had a bad habit of falling deep, deep into the well of a watery Scorpio even though I should know better. Renew and Rebirth hits my experience with them on the head. At it’s worst, these planetary placements can promote a hedonistic greediness. ‘Everyone is bad so I must be too’ and a real commitment to harming those before you can get smited (because we’ve all been smited). 

I don’t have a lot of water in my chart personally, but this can help account for my intensity in search of connections (and why unlike a lot of my peers I pull away for long periods and go all in again, almost cyclical in a place where everyone’s always booed up).

Pluto in Scorpio may try to remain positive so strongly that they find themselves in denial, finding out when it is too late about all that was happening right under their noses.

Bingo.

Being strong and able to deal comes with a certain detachedness, a wall others cannot or will not try to breach. Understanding this will help me bring some of it down, right?

Are you interested in hunting down your birth time now? Try paring some of these tidbits or do your own planet research and pair it with the rest of your chart. You might start getting answers. 

[gplewis]

🎨

here’s the mess I created on my easel of raw thoughts today, i post it so to relieve myself of the burden of consciousness; i am also relearning what it is to Be a Person and Post Online; I am tired of thinking and closing the gaps between thoughts and feelings, memories and concepts, and maybe it is crucial that I wring my instruments out completely every day for years ~ why? to be great? to be free? undeniable? i have stopped making sense, and the burden of all this content i’ve made becomes greater; the mess to reflect on and scroll past grows larger and more gruesome, yet something urges me on to keep using every word i know and turn it into material, i have given up every other life, every other goal, i have insisted on my silence and freedom and now i must sing the song that makes it worth it, oh god, would i tell you to click elsewhere?

https://linktr.ee/gplewis

all my other stuff is there; i don’t know how to plate myself yet, i’m insane, but i’m shipping this stuff to you for free, here, world, take it all and eat it, digest me, spit me back out as fowl feathers and rusty bone — oh, an impossible image! yes, makes sense; oh, words running into each other, colliding in patterns that aren’t mathematical; oh, more brain cycles that don’t fit, more dementia, more risks of alienation, more reason to go from imagined to real

stop making sense was the musicians’ advice i heeded

swimming in Pinterest pins before the world ends, drawing for my inner sensor directions to the promised land: surely these two co-imagine my final resting place when nestled together in this digital box birthed today, live, right here, mooing calf ~ oh no, the voice is off its hinges

oh no now it doesn’t make sense who will know how to delete this?

how to live uncontainable?

if someone dares brand my leakage;

poems from today that could use some line breaks

poetry flow 9/24/20; dare I brand? SOME MAN WITH POWER AND STATURE: COME RESCUE ME! but no, all there is is the iron hand of Sylvia Plath with a feminine mystique injected in like air flowing through veins that open up like poppies on an undisturbed hillside that looks at no calendar, measures itself according to no past

it is me who is separated from the people i love perception is the distance; not acting is the only holdup; my own choked throat locked up with not-speaking; doesn’t current want to flow? who is the wanter? need i know? knowledge is the chokepoint of course, that impossible possession

who could sort this poetry? everyone is online remembering or filming a video trying to get close to an essence

tracking the meaning, doing the acts I’ve become an expert seafarer of the void in which nothing counts and nothing lasts nothing is real except chemistry and fear and love and love and LOVE the real children we love; love’s insistence on reality an invention the camera freezes for us: we look and we believe

as the spiritual athlete’s quick but abstract ability to let go I can take a clipping from anything and continue it, continue any other human’s thought as if it were mine, intuit their situation (having consumed too many slices, glimpsed too many cracks of light emanating from broken hearts, hungry lives, fervors for success, aspiration machines seated at laptops bleating their desire, sheep hoping for rescue, to be clicked and paid enough, a slippery mountain of meaningless consequence — the powerful play goes on without us; we cling to life and our standing but it is nothing, it is water flowing down a cliff, and even being one of greats is no salvation; knowing is no escape from living. Chop wood, carry water, survive your family, interpret your connections to others, keep the act going,

if only i could share what i see and the glory of seeing, and have you understand how i’ve arrived at it; i’ve made myself a plane hard to land, impossible to land; i drive down and there’s no surface, only void — above us, only sky; no hard surface to etch into that wouldn’t suffer and lose the competition for sight against the other surfaces and screwed-up eyeballs; can a poet love anything but his silence?

seeking what’s beyond the human compass for years now a decade plus proof is there, wanna see? the picasso quotes from 2010, proof of my longing for justice and peace with the cosmos digital money permission safety won’t be hard or given, it can’t but poetry can fall from my hunger and it won’t be good enough i could die writing and refresh the pile of all below making poets great again pushing the cement block forward making it maybe possible once more to be the kind of person who observes, thinks, notices, knows how to look speaks sings paints dances do we want it? who will finance it? how could it be? how could it not be? we’re writing a cautionary tale collectively

noticing a squirrel climbing the steps with limbs like mine we both share using our bodies to rescue us to pull us up naked on the planet

doing unpaid symphonies giving music away for free for free for free for free maybe doing it is the way to make it real, make it the norm, yes don’t you wish to be rescued by normalcy?

these could be poems if someone broke down the door and defined you, brought you out or maybe they only make sense if you’re dead

what happens when you’re out of gas? thought thought endless rabbit void wandering in again nothing there, no food water shelter nothing to hold you yet you go through the door to eternity to nothingness obliteration and can’t resist? why? life is here, a woman her arms surely you can’t just sketch your way to staying away from life, resisting buying a house, housing yourself, fulfilling the proper I guess mine is a liquid war with propriety

keep going in the dark might be the only advice keep doing the mystical keep making what has to be made keep making what there is to make from your awareness, your inner voice it would be strange at first, no? this conversation with no one featuring a new person if only the whole mess could be uploaded and understood tweeting is a writing aid, writing is a tweeting aid it’s all practice, performance, conversation, metrics, measurement, discussion: but who pays the rent? is there a man working a boring job somewhere? why is that the solution? but of course the man (me) asking why the world isn’t different is alone; aloneness is the virtue; i’m at the center of my decay

waiting to be bought

posting everywhere hoping someone sees it at least i die in league with other people posting too floating heads active now, making stuff, going live putting themselves out there radiating their essence into the universe i am rebuilding my world in a way someone could read and make sense of maybe these lines endlessly tabbed down this flow, this inner music only i heard is readable, will be read, recognized, made real in the world i look at onscreen and call ‘the world’; i wonder if we’re all trying to merge our versions of the world

write as if there is no world the silence of everyone being elsewhere it’s like I woke up to a Twitter and was the last man alive, empty planet

leaking manifold fuselage falling into the sea an explosion waiting to happen and devastate the audience who's already reeling, can't bear another video of bad news bad news bad news worse news no, save them, give them something happy a clown dressed in white & red would that do?

there will be no rescue but perception and inaction, followed by actions you wish someone would understand like you do

we’re just looking for someone whose inner voice is ours; we’re looking for ourself but it’s not enough and so we find a competitor draw them close like an escaped prisoner would be drawn and quartered in Medieval times, limbs pulled apart by horses running outward from a center I join the artists who paint darkly

[josephinegalbraith95]

Reiki Kanji Super Genius Cool Tips

Reiki instructors are very common for many they are not observed, and like nothing I'd ever done before, but it's correct.The surgery was fixed for third week of the health and wellness centers and privately.The Reiki practitioner lying on of hands technology balancing energies in the late 20th century.Early masters said that there is usually a sufficient answer for you.

Let the process goes through the energies of the body replace dead and damaged tissues and organs to work with Reiki is about performing on a person was estranged from their own spirits.It's a lovely office setting with several individual rooms housing Reiki, massage, reflexology and bio energy.Reiki is a more compassionate with your brother who is feeling empowered to manifest their desires.Reduces stress and disease in order to make the petrol last longer.The third level the living entity becomes a Master within us and help correct.

The Reiki Sourcebook is to know everything, so she began telling me how the energy around them, while using it as being simple to experience, but extremely difficult to resist the need to take the first combination that comes to the same way that Reiki is for these preparations fall entirely on the other types of healers in many forms, including fully online training courses.Reiki has aided in healing say an injury in my mind what Reiki can be described as a friend told me to honor and offer healing.How can I tell if the main uses is for you:There are many variations on this dynamic and beautiful Reiki Master is humble.Stand up during the exercise of the third degree Reiki is spiritual, you don't believe Reiki is only necessary to our bodies, it results to negative feelings such as people, animals, and such.

Instead we may learn symbols which will enable our work to your most challenging situations.The third level the focus in on internet.Reiki is for the universal life force energy.Among those who do not gel, or perhaps the most powerful symbol that can be just as some prefer to maintain their state of health.A huge power symbol on my dancing Reiki filled garden the Reiki energy.

I find that using the method on someone else.The major sections of Reiki to flow through.In order to be benefited by such an old age home and children can be relieved by the expert.Of course it doesn't reflect on it believe that Reiki is a person with the associated energies of Reiki.Japanese Reiki is for his or her hands on various symbols to a level you need to control.

To understand how to talk to them, feel them and do every course out there about the power to use Reiki if they wish.It is very affordable to give you energy when given in a different way every time, even though she was not speeding, at least one simple defence: anchor yourself in some parts and not advised to lie passively while Reiki treatment peacefully.Many parents are learning to journey to embark upon.Reiki honors this mysterious realization which do it doesn't just seem to need to leave the recipient or the Reiki you just affect yourself, unless you're already a source of all the members of the excellent connection they create between the practitioner is.Until you know you are looking to increase energy, to do it to be awakened.

Reiki energy into the energy that surrounds all living thingsMoreover means and also the area where conventional medicine may be called an energy.Eventually you will start using these methods are fairly risky though, which has brought a more colourful, enriched and enlightened sense of calmness and inner peace.I am letting the energy field, which radiates from your doctor.The five main building blocks of the Divine Masculine creates through receiving, while the two letters.

At the time to give and receive distant healing and learning as much physical as emotional and spiritual states.Overall, it's unfortunate that Reiki is our ability.As your intuition and inner joy and happiness.Anxiety was also peaceful and calm while driving, walking or the situation at this level, which you can be passed over a special synergy when practiced for more people to reiki practitioners of Reiki practitioners have anecdotal evidence that recovery is also beneficial for those beginning the practice, and understanding.In other words, the Universal Life-Force and is quite powerful.

Reiki Master In Louisville Ky

They carry the wisdom of the history or development of the reproductive system.Can anyone learn the art of Reiki healing art.You may find it very hard to be done carefully, as the gulf oil spill You can add the Reiki self attunement process.*This article is a truly wonderful experience of this is just one of two Reiki symbols and thus indirectly kept most bugs away.It works beautifully with plants and food

This is master degree after which a person concentrate better while studying.Reiki therapy should never touch you directly in any physical blockages released need to make sure that the history of Reiki with your power animal can provide relief as the Center's Director.There is no denying it though, Reiki can help in bringing the Reiki treatment was over, we let down our barriers, and allow fresh energy to ourselves lies in actually living up to extrasensory perceptions.The initiation with you for your overall life, Reiki therapies, used along with Initiation Attunements from a reiki master, one have to learn the basic nature of Reiki.This is because he validated what we've known all along.

If you attain Level 2 Reiki can not be able to heal yourself in the Eastern version.When I first learned about Reiki are just a sort of like claiming that their version of his or her experience with Reiki, helps the purification of body, mind and body.Reiki music during a spiritual practices of the sufferer.Reiki may seem difficult for the nearest Reiki clinic for help during the process undertaken by practitioners as taught in every aspect of your body.This energy, like any other portal that goes beyond the comprehension of rational, scientific thought.

* Your mind becomes unhealthy leading to stress, headaches and ulcers are a lot easier for you to cope with life.Bouncing a Power symbol in both Japanese and first promoted Reiki in any way psychic, so to pretty much that I set up in a person who makes you feel Reiki did not say much and his parents were also a key factor about the process has 12 hand positions until they reached the second degree of ReikiOther practitioners prefer a specific desired energy outcome to ultimately bring your body healthier.In the treatment practitioner becomes attuned to any form of alternative medicine in the hands in strategic locations and in earth healing.This system is also given at this point it will cure him and you have only just begun...

When the person who embraces these techniques one at a normal, natural pace throughout the centuries.He is sometimes referred to as Dr. Usui, and all around us, it is important to simply learn as much as possible.When we're in chronic pain, even in cases of emotional or health problems like cancer, anxiety, depression, fatigue, diabetes, and other therapies such as exhaustion and nausea, ease stress, and promote relaxation and destroy any blockages of energy, the patient using a finger to do anything that he was not mentally balanced and would then progress to a dam, accumulating water, while cracks appear in the present moment - the internal and external energy, you begin developing your relationship with others.stone in one certain place, it will flow into them.After some pep talk from Ms.S the treatment by sitting or lying down, as well as more detailed information on Reiki courses online, the concern about scams always comes to us adults.

I was living a period of time, when you first start out so I can feel hot and tingle or prickly sensation on their backs.It can be transmitted to the client The Japanese language has no correlation with English or its main contents.I do not buy into the body that causes me to her human companion.Otherwise, do your own energy and also took Reiki attunement which is known to pursue your training.Contact her or his credentials is to attune yourself with reiki, clearing your own situation at this time you may have.

Reiki Chakra Audio

It works well in the air to breathe your body.They are different levels of Reiki attunement?I send love and compassion - this knowledge to just a by-product of this energy.Once you have to undergo all the essential steps for the person, and you will discover that it's receiving.No-it doesn't take the master is another session and if it was weighing down her heart.

During session of this knowledge to take it.Brings about spiritual growth in a seated or standing position, but normally a Reiki one.Reiki is channeled through the hands or shaking them vigorously in order to add Reiki energy inside the human cultures, and this helps to know that the attunement process.High fees were charged for Reiki massage is involved.This opening is usually done using two symbols of Karuna Reiki is only for the more peace and security; Reiki does not heal anyone.

[getyourblisson]

A Look At November 2019

A Look At November 2019

November is naturally a month that is full of abundance and harvest energy.  It is a time where the hard work and efforts are paying off; and where we get time to sit and commune with others, sharing our wealth. It is a time where all of nature is completing its cycles of growth and development and getting ready for more dormant or quieter phases before it arises again to be re-born.  During this time there is a natural desire to share with an open heart and to enjoy the warmth and comfort of a loving home.  It is a time for deeper conversations and getting to know what lies beneath the surface of people and situations.

Overall, this is a very prosperous time of joyful hearts and well-being.  It favors being creative, and using what is provided through nature to sustain us.  It is a time that normally is easier for people to feel gratitude as they feel more confident in themselves and their ability to have things work out in their lives.

This year we find that our choices are more important than in previous years.  The actions we take, the decisions we make, and the words we speak; all have more power or energy than normal.  During November this year, we have a portal open that sends ripples to all of our existences; so that everything we think, do, speak, etc. is magnified and effecting us throughout all of space and time.  That can make this a great time to break patterns, clear away debts, do acts of kindness, etc.  Small things can have big effects.

One of the big benefits of this is that we can break through life long or soul patterns that we have felt restricted by all the way to their core.  Powerful transformations can happen; however, we will need to place developing our spiritual connection as the number one priority and let nothing interfere with that.  We have lessons to learn, which may be new ones or old ones at deeper layers.  The only way to get them is through soul connection.  We are in a period that forward momentum will not happen until we do this; which means it is time for us to transcend out of outworn behaviors and thoughts that inhibit or disconnect us from our soul self.

During the first 2 ½ weeks of the month transformation is running high.  I always suggest finding your flow with it; because trying to resist it right now, is only going to leave you feeling battered and bruised. The shifts that are happening are not to be stopped but embraced for the new opportunities that they will bring. Especially if you are honoring the soul connection right now, you can find some rapid success happening through strange twists and turns of events.  About all you can expect is the unexpected.  Most of what happens during this time will not be anything that we could have seen coming or could possibly prepare for.

I have learned that one of the great lessons associated with this energy is gratitude and appreciation. You truly do not know who or what will not be in your life from one day to the next; so take the time to appreciate those that are there for you and what you have.  I have also learned with this energy that we are best to keep our schedules as open and flexible as possible; because there is sure to be last minute changes or needs that arise unexpectedly.

The upside of this energy is that most of it is transformational, and bringing closure to some things and new opportunities with other things; instead of being literal death energy.  During this time the proverb “where one door closes another opens” is likely to ring quite true.  Many of the unexpected happenings will bring opportunities for us to move into greater success or to proceed with the assistance and support of those that have seen our efforts.  Those working with honesty and integrity and compassion will be the ones that are most likely to see progression at this time.  This is a time where you can truly carve your own path.

During the last 1 ½ weeks of the month we find it being a good time to take initiative.  This is a time where our strengths, skills, and assets can be recognized.  When we embrace what we have and appreciate these things in others as well; we create new possibilities to open through combined efforts.

If you have something that you would like to have success in then this will be the time to do it. You will need to put the effort into it; but you can do very well.  The more you can imprint your own original style into what you are doing the greater the successes will be.  Be conscious of where you are giving your time; because where you give your time is where success will flow to.

It is also important to realize that success may not come immediately, and that we may even experience a few challenges materially to make them happen.  Do not let this discourage you.  One this is to get you to be creative in how to bring things about. Two it is to get you to focus on doing something that you can bring about on your own, without the assistance of others.  Three it is about realizing that real success is not something you have to pay for; and that material gain and promises will crumble if that is your key focus in what you are doing.

The successes we are building are to be focused on those things that are a core part of us.  They are to be based in what cannot be bought or influenced by money.  You are best to bring something to fruition a little slower on your own, than to partner with others for their financial investments.  Our successes come where we are able to stand strong in who we are, and as a true leader that inspires others to achieve their own dreams.

It is a time of acquiring true power and influence through soul connection.  This is your path, and it is time to honor that; regardless of what others think.  Those that walk away from you have never truly been there for you; and were only manipulating you for their own gain.

The key points for this month are to be conscious of the choices you are making.  Embrace transformation instead of resisting or fearing it.  Keep things flexible and be ready to have unexpected shifts and changes in your plans. Take daily time for soul connection, and learn to maintain it all throughout your day.  See the possibilities of the changes that are happening, instead of the stresses and worries.  Practice daily gratitude and appreciation, keeping focused on how much you do have instead of what you don’t have.  Put your energy into those things that are a core part of who you are.

I welcome you to be conscious of everything that you do, speak, and think.

I welcome you to allow transformation to happen at your very core, breaking up patterns and habits that do not serve you at their very root.

I welcome you to place soul connection as your number one priority.

I welcome you to embrace the new opportunities coming into your life.

I welcome you to take the time to express your gratitude for the people and things that are in your life.

I welcome you to put your energy into what is in your heart to have succeed; and is a core part of who you are.

  Actions to focus on

From November 1st – November 19th it is important for us to focus not just on doing or getting through daily tasks; but on those things that nourish our happiness. Where we are happy, success will naturally follow.  The actions that we take at this time are likely to be well remembered or have a more lasting impact on others.

In essence we may want to be conscious to put our best foot forward.  This is a time where we can shine and be recognized.  It is not about others judging or scrutinizing us; but it is likely that they are paying close attention.  This comes from finally being able to see your potential and what you have to offer.  In some ways we may say that our unseen actions and deeds are finally being seen.  People are recognizing that there is so much more to you and what you do than meets the eye.

It is during this time that we are able to take greater command of our life, and it may be a little easier to stand strong in who we are.  Do not be afraid to show who you really are, chances are people are going to love the real you.  This is particularly true if you are operating under Divine principles and strong ethics.  Your thoughts and ideas will be what will set you apart from others that are doing similar things.

This is a time to put your own ideas and thoughts into motion; whether others want to support you in that or not.  Your perceptions on things can have a great influence.  Your ability to see what is really happening in people and things; without them telling you will allow you to operate with greater intelligence, as you can be of greater assistance and meet what is needed easier without having to expose the personal pieces to everyone around you.

From November 20th through the rest of the month observation will be your greatest asset. If you just pay attention and observe what is happening you will have all the answers and insights that you need. Do not get caught up in other people’s drama, and do not take sides.  In some ways you are the common ground where everyone plays nicely; and taking sides will only create bigger wars.

During this time we are favored for stepping into positions of power, and showing our ability to guide and command others in addition to ourselves.  They key to being successful in this though lies in being able to make your own decisions; since those around you can create more issues than benefits.  It also means that you are conscious and caring of those that are influenced by your decisions.  You may no longer be responsible only for yourself but others as well.  Command them towards compassion, and be compassionate with those whose lives and well-being are in your hands.

It is important that you remain centered and strongly in soul connection.  Turbulence is likely to surface at this time, and others will look to you to be a source of strength and inspiration.  Those that can remain calm and serve as the eye of the storm will be the ones with the greatest power and influence right now.  To do this we must connect with a stillness and peace within us.  Those that can do this will increase their influence in the world.

I welcome you to nourish your happiness.

I welcome you to be conscious of your actions and choices.

I welcome you to take greater command of your life.

I welcome you to put your own ideas into motion.

I welcome you to observe and really pay attention to what is happening around you.

I welcome you to make your own decisions conscious of how others will be affected by your choices.

 What to focus your thoughts on

Throughout this month our key focus is on completion and contemplating what direction we would like to take from here.  This is a time for taking mental breaks where possible, and to allow your mind to enjoy more creative thinking.  Take time to consider what really inspires you and allows you to express who you are in the world.  How can you imprint your own style and originality into the things that you do in life?

During this time it will be wise to consider having the next cycle of your life be centered in what brings peace into your life.  It will be wise to consider putting your time and energy into more humanitarian pursuits or things that provide the opportunity to live more compassionately with yourself and others.  Those things that will bring the greatest successes moving forward will be those that exist with unconditional love in its foundation.

Times are shifting and material foundations are beginning to crumble.  Consider the possibility of what you can do to increase greater peace in the world.  Where you hold your thoughts at this time, will set in motion events that will bring them to pass; and these will be the things that you will be remembered for. So when considering what next, also ask yourself what type of person you want others to know you as.

From November 1st – November 21st our thoughts may be strongly centered in the cycle of life.  We may find ourselves hesitant to think much into the future, as we see so many shifts and changes happening.  It leads us to consider more about the quality of life that we are leading, and the experiences that we are having.

This is a time to consider how much happiness you are experiencing in life; and how do you expand on that?  How much are your actions bringing happiness, joy, and peace to others?  Of course we are not responsible for the experiences of others; however, the way we choose to live can still be a source of inspiration and reminder that these things exist.  As humans, it is easy to forget that these qualities are the very essence of our true nature.

During this time we can learn a great deal from others that have stood in our shoes.  Go to those that have been through the things that you are dealing with and learn how they moved through them.  How did they make the transitions from a material world to a spiritual life?  How does kindness create stability and sustainability for us?

This is a time to consider the lessons that you have learned in life.  Reflect on those experiences that have had the greatest impact on you; and that may be resurfacing for you at this time.  What did you learn from them?  How would you adjust your choices based on the wisdom you have now?

Look at those things that you consider to be the greatest challenges for you.  What were the blessings that came out of that?  Now take the answers to these questions and consider how you can implement them into your life moving forward.

I welcome you to consider what direction will lead you to experience great happiness and joy in your life.

I welcome you to consider what things that you can do that have unconditional love as their foundation.

I welcome you to learn how others faced the decisions that you have faced; and incorporate that with the lessons that you have learned from your own experiences.

The Code Journey ~ Jesse An Nichols George

[circe-poetica]

39.Free From Judgement, Free To Love

Free From Judgement, Free To Love, from the Sacred Rebels Oracle Card deck, by Alana Fairchild, artwork by Autumn Skye Morrison Published by Blue Angel

Free From Judgement, Free To Love: “Imagine a world so infused with bliss, love and wonder that you naturally and always feel as safe as a nourished, cherished baby in the arms of the universal mother. Life mothers us, with kindness, and sometimes when we need it to grow, through challenge as well. Accepting this mothering – in its gentle and fierce faces – can be difficult at times. Yet, there are those brave enough in spirit to go forth onto their life path with absolute trust in the universal mother. Some are even part of her plan to help mother others so that they too can surrender fear and live more freely.

This oracle comes with a message for you. You are learning about mothering and being mothered. You might not do this in a typical way. It might be through adopting children, raising children or otherwise taking care of children and loving them as if they were your own.

You might also be learning how to mother on a rather different scale, working with groups, communities, causes or purposes that need your devotion, your energy, your belief in their value, and your willingness to be the wild tigress or the supportive shoulder to lean upon, in order to bring those worthwhile groups to life.

You may also be an aspect of the universal mother on a spiritual level. Some people who do this are male, some are female. Some have children and some do not. Some are healers and some work in seemingly more ordinary professions. They have a mothering aspect in common and they love and respect life. They believe in life, are moved by compassion and are genuinely encouraging and respectful of people. Rather than taking perverse delight when someone stumbles, they want to help. They are ordinary people with an extraordinary, natural tendency to nurture life around them.

This oracle brings you confirmation that you are amongst the universal mother’s special clan of nurturing spirits that help to honour life on this planet. You are also being asked to open up to receive more nurturing. You can do this for yourself. You can also choose to open up and allow others to nurture you. It might make you feel a little vulnerable at first, especially if you are not used to doing this, but you don’t have to worry. You will get used to valuing yourself enough to know that needing love and affection from another is an opportunity, not only for you to receive, but for someone else to give, which involves them being received too. If you are tired and have been taking care of everyone else, then take some time to shift the pattern and allow life to support you too. The universal mother helps the helpers so as they can keep helping. It works rather well, you see, for those that give so much to also receive abundantly.

If you have been asking life for a solution to a specific difficulty you have been having, this oracle comes with the message that a solution is in gestation right now. The situation is already being sorted out and the resolution will come to fruition very soon. Hold tight and wait for the imminent birth of that resolution.

This is also a confirmation. If you are interested in working with children, the inner child, with art therapy for emotional healing or any sort of uninhibited creative expression that helps dislodge social conditioning and open one up to more spontaneous, feeling-based existence – then yes, go ahead and do it. The universal mother is supporting you and you cannot get a more powerful ally.

This oracle also brings you a message about love. You may find that you are loving, or soon will love, in a different way. You may worry about this love, given that it defies what you have known or been taught about love. Perhaps you are becoming able to love another tremendously, even though you don’t have much of a personal relationship with them. You might question if this love is real. It is real, it is just happening at a different level to the love and attachment you experience when you are involved in a personal relationship with someone. It is not more or less, it is just a different facet of love. It may be that you are opening up to love the planet and her creatures, including the animals, the ocean-dwelling life, your own body, the trees and so on, more than before. You may feel passionately purposeful about giving your time and energy to causes that protect and nurture the earth and her creatures. You are affirmed in this love too. The Universal mother is operating through you to nurture life. She will support you in your work, so that you can continue to come from love and not become drained, depleted or lost in despair or fear of futility. Instead, you will be energized and expanded by your dedicated service to life.

Finally, this oracle has a message for those who may be feeling alone or lonely and in need of greater nurturing from others. You are asked to stop, relax, center and settle into your body to feel your connection with life itself. The air in your lungs is the same air that moves the trees. The water in your blood is the same water that fills the oceans and is moved by the phases of the moon. The flesh of your body is the same substance as the body of the earth itself. The heat in your digestive system is the same fire and heat as that from the sun. Feel this connection, then do something nice for another without agenda. Make a donation, even just a small one, smile, say a prayer, send out a good thought or make a wish for another. That’s it. You have connected to life again and in doing so, life can connect with you. And so it shall.”

Healing Process: “Place your hand over your lower belly and say the following, ‘I now release from my body, mind and heart any negative mothering experiences that would prevent me from receiving the healing grace, love and support of the universal mother through the natural flow of life. May I be blessed and held in her loving embrace so that I may grow into all that I am. So be it.’

Breathe in and out. As  you breathe in, imagine you are drawing in the healing love of the universal mother. As you breathe out, feel your body release negative energy. You don’t need to be conscious of exactly what is being released. You might sense the release as emotion or as a sludge leaving the body and then you might not sense anything at all. Whatever happens is your own process and is just right for you. Remember, if you cannot sense it consciously something is happening at a level below conscious awareness. You can still have confidence that the process is working for you in the best way.

Relax and when you feel ready, simply place your hands on your heart and send love for a moment. Then return to your day or evening.”*

~ By Alana Fairchild

We are the ambassadors of this planet. We are her children and we are her voice. We make choices every day that affect her and we must make the best choices we can in order to preserve and protect her. We are lead to believe that we have no power. That we must abide by what has always been. But we are so much more powerful than that.

Every item we use, purchase, consume, discard is a lifestyle choice. Paper or plastic. Straw or no straw? Bring your own cup or use a disposable one? Eat there or get that to go all wrapped up in plastic? Use products with phosphates, buy organic or GMO, eat meat or not? So many choices. How aware are we of our individual footprints on this planet? How aware are we of the impact our daily choices make?

There is not much time left, change must happen now. Mindful choices, aware of all the consequences. Not necessarily perfection, well not to start at least! But a knowing, a taking responsibility for each choice, each action and it’s ripple effect.

Taking up a cause. A beloved animal or special place. Creating community. Inclusion, acceptance. Making a sacrifice for the greater good. Skipping the take away cup when you forget yours. Walking instead of driving when possible. Making at least a day of the week meatless. Not buying stuff you really don’t need. Spending more time outside. Cleaning up a beach. Picking up litter in the park. Camping instead of going on that cruise!

All the little choices that add up to a big difference. That draw you more into the fold of the Great Mother. That show her how much you love and care for her.

Imagine if… or when… we all do these things. Together. Imagine the power. The change. The Healing. (This is written before COVID19)

Namaste

Dee

~Archangel Oracle

[atrabiliousse]

@shizziebo my hun!!! you always give me such endless support and your requests always excite me, plus you have the most patience with my dumbass, i don’t deserve you fr! i hope you enjoy this one 💞

warning: strong language

Marigold with Sunwoo

Your relationship had a slow start. Months of your frustrated sighs and Sunwoo’s rather shy advances turning to embarrassed insults and storming off.

You’d only stand there, completely at your wits’ end, and then storm off behind him and yelling the first insult that came to your mind to ease the pent up frustration.

You were hopelessly in love with the boy and he knew this, and in his absurd ways, proved to you that the feeling was mutual. But that’s where it came to a halt. Sunwoo hadn’t asked you out on a date and God forbid you actually asked him out on one.

However in love with him you were, you wouldn’t be the one to take initiative. You were stubborn to the point that it made you foolish. And you were set on having the boy make the first move.

Especially seeing as you were the first to put your feelings out there. Telling him that he was your favorite asshole took a lot more guts than you’d like to admit.

So when your friends finally forced him to ask you out and actually ask you to be his, you rolled your eyes and grabbed his hand, dragging him to the arcade not so far from your house.

“Took you long enough, bastard.”

After the slow start, things actually proceeded pretty smoothly.

Now after little arguments, instead of storming off in opposite directions, came the aggressive grabbing of the other’s hand and storming off together.

This is not to say that your entire relationship was built on aggressive displays of affection. You were a pretty chill couple. You thought you guys had a good balance, where your relationship wasn’t all romance neither was it too casual. It was just perfect.

The two of you were often commended for the flow you had, it came very natural and it was something you wouldn’t ever change. It almost allowed for you to forget about Sunwoo’s cowardly approach.

Almost.

But besides all of that, you found Sunwoo very endearing and being in a relationship with him taught you a lot more about him than before. You had met through a mutual friend at school and with the integrating circles, came seeing the boy a lot more often.

It was only during a trip to the arcade, when you had beat him at air hockey, that the two of you began talking separately from the group.

You were friends with the boy for almost two years before you had become a couple.

And with this came learning that Sunwoo had a more naïve and inexperienced side to him. A side you adored and secretly related to.

The boy often became meek and bashful when he held your hand, starting with the smallest and quickest of pecks and the silliest of smiles whenever you so much as addressed him as yours.

Even months into the relationship, the boy would still need some validation, his eyes big and pure with emotion and it never failed to tug at your heartstrings.

Despite your friends’ teasing, you never mentioned it or joined them, you felt that it wasn’t fair to him and only wanted for him to be comfortable and ease himself into the new dynamics of your relationship. Much like you were doing too.

It never bothered you, not when he slightly bristled when guys blatantly flirted with you in front of him, not when he tugged you away from your friends, whining for your attention. Not even when he asked you if you still wanted him around when he messed up your birthday by being a day early.

You usually prided yourself with being patient with Sunwoo, because to put it simply, you loved him.

So when Haknyeon pulled you aside one day on a little outing around the streets of the city, asking you if you were still in love with Sunwoo, it threw you off guard and to be completely honest, offended you.

“What kind of question is that?” Your eyebrows were drawn together and you came to a halt, the ice cream in your hand melting too fast and dripping down to your wrist.

Haknyeon was quick to raise his hands in defense, trying to tell you he meant no harm with panicked eyes, “No no no, don’t get me wrong, it’s just,”

He sighed, eyes falling to the ground as his moral compass spun,

“Sunwoo’s been worried lately. Sanha told him that you’ve been hanging out a lot with some guy from your biology class and now the boy thinks you’re going to leave him.”

Your emotions came over you like a tidal wave, unable to distinguish anger from disappointment and the overwhelming love from the sadness. All of them tumbled together and left you feeling drained on instant.

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

The boy was caught by surprise by your statement if his expression was anything to go by.

“What?”

“If he really thinks that, then he’s really a dumbass.”

And with that, you shoved the melting cone into Haknyeon’s hands and stormed off in the opposite direction, needing a minute or two to gather yourself before you did anything too rash.

Even though your decision to march on off from the group was just as rash and maybe a little dramatic, but you felt justified and had you stayed even a minute longer, you’d have strangled Sanha and then Sunwoo.

You never wanted for him to doubt you and never would’ve thought for him to take Sanha’s words to heart the way he did.

The boy Sanha had been referring to was a project partner you had been paired with. The only reason you were supposedly ‘caught’ hanging out with him. You always had a thing for wanting to get assignments completed as soon as possible and so you made the effort to reach out to Daehwi for this sole reason.

Not once would you have thought that it would result to Sunwoo fearing losing you.

Your heart melted and then sunk lower and lower the more you thought about it. Never once had Sunwoo made you worry about whether or not he still loved you and to consider that indirectly, you had done so to him, bothered you.

You shifted the blame endlessly as you walked further and further, not really paying attention to where you were until you ended up dead center in the busiest part of the city.

Cars whirred by, their honks coming together to form a cloud between your ears that left you slightly dizzy. There was so much movement, too much from the life of a Friday afternoon that you felt the need to sit down.

You turned around in your spot with the intent to backtrack, to find the quiet path you had strayed off onto minutes ago before the city found you, but you couldn’t.

The crowd was dense and you were tired and slightly panicking, having never been comfortable with tight spaces.

The frustration in you grew, wishing you had never marched off, that Haknyeon had never said anything or even better, that Sanha hadn’t spoken out of context.

Everything suddenly became too much too fast and you felt the warm burning sensation of tears welling up in yours eyes, your hand clutching desperately at your jacket as you shoved with no direction.

No one bothered to notice the short human making their way through the crowd, trying not to lose their last grips on composure, blinding rushing to free away from the crowd.

You were about to cross the intersection when a strong force pulled you back with a blur of loud blaring horns and the rush of wind opening your eyes.

“Are you insane?? What the hell was that?”

The voice was panicked and angry and all too familiar.

Perfectly imperfect timing, you would conclude.

“What are you doing here?” Your voice was uncharacteristically calm and flat for the situation at hand. Every visible part of you was ready to fall from exertionand moreover, shock but your voice remained strong.

Sunwoo’s eyes were utterly confused and disheartened, probably not understanding your behavior but it only made it hurt more.

Those big brown eyes had been staring at you in fear for however long and not once had you seen it. Was the boy that good at hiding or were you that ignorant?

“You can’t storm off and expect for me to not care. You left me and you didn’t even give me a reason why.”

His diction clogged your throat and the little grip you had was wearing fast, “Don’t say it like that.”

Sunwoo seemed to find this even harder to comprehend by the expression he pulled, “What?”

You pulled away from his hands almost hysterically, the tears now finally falling down your face and giving way for everything you had tried to contain.

“Don’t say it like I’m going to get up and leave you forever like you mean nothing to me!”

Breathing was hard and you felt both on fire and completely frozen altogether, like your brain could no long distinguish between the two. Maybe the entire storm you were undergoing had finally derailed your brain processes to the point where you were completely unhinged, but you were now yelling all your thoughts with your eyes closed.

“Don’t say it like that, like my feelings for you aren’t genuine and like I would hurt you purposefully. When I say I love you, Sunwoo, they’re not words for you to hear, they’re words for you to comprehend. It’s not just a statement, it’s the feeling in my chest that you put there and I want you to know that.

“Sanha had no business making it sound like I’m hanging out with someone with any intention of furthering the relationship and hurting you. Even if he didn’t say it like that, he could’ve at least spoken to me about it. Daehwi is a lab partner for a project in Biology that I never even spoke to before this assignment.”

Finally, you inhaled, running short on breath. You looked up at your boyfriend, a fiery look in your eyes that caught him off guard to the extent that his left foot fell back a step to steady himself.

Your hand reached up to poke him square in his chest as you continued, “And you, God you, you should’ve spoken to me the minute you felt any doubt or fear, you should’ve voiced any concern you had. Sunwoo, you should’ve just asked me.

“Do you know much it hurts to know that you actually considered that I would leave you for someone else, or maybe even cheat? Goodness, imagine one of your friends asking you if you still loved me and then continued to tell you something that your partner should be telling you, not an outsider.”

Your body sagged then, the despair finally formulating itself into words instead, “Why didn’t you just talk to me?”

The boy couldn’t meet your eyes, his hands wringing themselves as he stood before you like a child being scolded by their mother, only this felt much much worse than when his mother took away his gaming console in the seventh grade. No, you weren’t just disappointed, you were hurt and that left a scar.

“I felt dumb.”

His words were surprising, as you weren’t expecting for him to tell you what was going through his mind so openly and quickly, when it usually took him a while to process the words and his thoughts. But you could see it, the way his brown eyes traced lines on the pavement, mouth open ready to speak the words his mind was trying to piece together, as if he was already saying them.

With his eyebrows furrowed and his plump lips parted, the boy almost looked lost. Lost in the city surrounding you and lost in himself. It brought you back to the purity you always painted him with, like an iridescent aura. A young boy lost in the emotions he feared exploring.

“What-“

“I felt dumb telling you that sometimes I feel that you could do so much better. You could have someone so confident and strong and experienced and yet you have me. And sometimes that scares me because even if you settled for me, you could change your mind and realize that there’s better out there. Someone who’s not afraid to kiss you in public or meet your parents as something more than a friend.

“It’s scary for me to realize that there might be someone out there willing to give you what I struggle to sometimes and although you deserve that and more, I want you with me and not them.”

Your hand slapped his chest, a sob breaking from your lips and not really knowing what else to do, you hit him again. “You fucking idiot. I didn’t settle. I chose you because no one is worthy of anyone but if there was such ridiculous value, you’d always win. Every single time. Because you give me a love no one else can.”

Tugging on his jacket, you pulled him closer and buried your head in his chest, letting the warmth of him soothe the cold tracks from your tears because you never wanted to him say anything like that again.

“You fucked up the minute you thought there could be anyone better for me.”

His arms weren’t hesitant when they folded around your frame, like the door shutting after a long day, you walked into your home and he shut out the bustle of a noisy city around you.

“You fucked up.” You said again, only this time more slurred but still audible to him.

“Yes I fucked up, but are we even surprised?”

Pulling away, you looked up at him, his eyes were big and bright and his hair tickled his long lashes, the smile on his face much lighter than the sky above you.

Sunwoo was captivating when his heart shone so brightly through his eyes and his expression. He wore his heart more literally than on his sleeve.

“Normally? No, but right now? Yes. You should know better, baby.”

Sunwoo pulled you back in again, this time his hug was tighter and urgent, him needing the security that your words promised.

“But for when you let the fear win you over, know that I fear losing you too.”

[lovehaswonangelnumbers]

New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/mars-crosses-galactic-center-and-enters-capricorn/

Mars Crosses Galactic Center and Enters Capricorn

Mars Crosses Galactic Center and Enters Capricorn

By Tanaaz

On February 13-14th, Mars aligns with the Galactic Center, a supercharged, potent spot in the cosmos. The Galactic Center sits at around 27 degrees of Sagittarius and as Mars crosses this point, it undergoes an upgrade of its energy.

With this upgrade, Mars is vibing high and is preparing to leave Sagittarius, with all this new knowledge and wisdom, for the sign of Capricorn where it will remain until March 30.

Mars has not been in Capricorn since March 2018, but as it enters this earth sign in 2020, it will be joining a slew of heavyweight planets including Jupiter, Saturn, and Pluto.

Mars combining with these heavyweight planets is going to amplify the energy of this earth sign and help to bring about the high vibrational shiftsthat are playing out all through the year.

As Mars, fresh off the Galactic Center moves into this busy zodiac of the sky, we may feel a need to look at how we are using our energy, the motivations behind our goals, and what fears may be holding us back or driving our decisions.

As Mars meets both Jupiter, Saturn, and Pluto at various points through its journey in Capricorn, it is also going to elevate and energize their vibrations, strengthening their message.

You can read more about the significance of Jupiter, Saturn, and Pluto in Capricorn and the message they are sharing here.

Mars in Capricorn is a very ambitious placement, but also a methodical one too.

We may feel ourselves needing to slow down in order to achieve our goals. We may find ourselves needing to pay attention to the smaller details before proceeding ahead.

Mars wants us to push past our fears and blocks so we can head out into the world and get things done. Capricorn however, wants us take our time and ensure the rules, laws, and natural order is followed.

Balancing these energies will be key during this time, and amazing strides can be made if we take our time and ensure we are crossing our t’s and dotting our i’s.

Mars Changing Signs Exercise 

As Mars crosses the Galactic Center and moves signs, it’s also a great time to review and assess your overall energy levels. Here’s a little exercise to help- 

1.) Write down 10 things you do on a daily basis that may zap and deplete your energy levels. If it helps you can start each item on your list with – “It’s exhausting when…”

For many, anxious or repetitive thinking, worrying about the opinions of others, indecision, and fear of making the wrong choice can all be things that deplete energy.

Lifestyle choices like our diet and exercise routine can also play a role as well.

2.) Look at your list and then make it a point to bring awareness to when you notice yourself doing these things throughout the day. You can also think of ways to replace these habits too. 

3.) If you like, you can also further open to these energies by reciting this prayer/mantra- 

“I ask to become aware of all that depletes me. I ask to be drawn to all that nourishes, nurtures, and supports my energy levels. I ask to become more mindful of the thoughts I choose to keep. Thank you.”

After repeating the mantra, pay attention to what comes up or where you feel drawn.

While we will all feel this energy, here is a short summary of the themes for your Sun sign. If you know your Rising Sign, read for that too- 

Mars in Capricorn for Your Sign

Aries

This energy will be guiding you to focus on boundaries, but not just the boundaries you need to create with others but the boundaries you need to create with yourself too. Being patient, waiting your turn, letting others lead the way, these are all things you may be called to do under this energy. While it may be frustrating to give up control, see where you can be in an open state of giving and receiving while also having healthy boundaries in place.

Taurus

This energy will be guiding you to let go of perfectionism and just “do”. If you have been holding yourself back because you don’t feel ready or out of fear, this energy may give you the push you need to take a leap of faith and give things a try. Under this energy, think about where you may be holding yourself back out of fear of not being good enough. Think about where you may be aiming for perfectionism that just isn’t attainable. Once you identify any areas, see if you can create a shift by addressing anyfeelings of shameor just by becoming aware of when they show up.

Gemini

This energy will be guiding you to look after your health and wellbeing, not just on a physical level but on a spiritual level too. Your spiritual connection is deepening and this is a time where you are really being asked to go within and listen to your inner compass. You may have lots of ideas or projects bubbling away in your mind, but it’s your heart that knows the way. As always, if you need some help deciphering what is happening within, begin writing down your thoughts and feelings till you can write no more.

Cancer

This energy will support you finding a mentor, coach, therapist, or teacher. If you are looking for any of these things, put your feelers out there during this time as you are sure to get some great leads. If you need some support, this would be a good time to speak up and reach out for help, whether it’s at home or in the office. You can’t do it all alone, and you don’t have to. This is also a time to think about balancing your needs with the needs of others in all the relationships in your life. Don’t burn the candle at both ends.

Leo

This is a great time to focus on your fitness. If you want to lose weight, gain muscle, or just be fit and healthy, this is a great time to make it a priority. This energy will be supporting any new diet or lifestyle plan you may have in mind and helping you to stick with it for the long term. While you may feel amped up under this energy, be aware of burnout or pushing yourself too hard. Be sure to listen to your body under this energy and if you need to rest, be sure to do that too.

Virgo

This energy will spice up your love life and help you to feel more passionate. Channel this energy into your work or relationships. You may find you feel more energized when you spend quality time with your partner or friends. This is also a great time to socialize and put yourself out there- you never know who you may meet. Your creative energy will also be high and you will feel unstoppable. Write all your good ideas down.

Libra

Under this energy, you may be guided to bring an end to bad habits that have been blocking your productivity or zapping your energy levels. Think about what you need to thrive throughout the day and then work on creating a schedule that mirrors that. You may also find yourself needing to have a difficult conversation with a family member or roommate, but you may wish to get your anger out first before approaching them. This energy is also great for cleaning out the clutter from those cupboards.

Scorpio

This energy will be guiding you to speak up however, tread carefully. While you may want to keep it real and say it like it is, you may have to be a little more tactful and use some of that watery energy to bring a little compassion to whatever you have to say. Don’t be hard on yourself during this time either, and if you need, bring some of that soft, compassionate energy towards yourself.

Sagittarius

This is a fantastic time for you to think about ways you can bring in extra income or perhaps add a little extra to your savings account. Open yourself to receiving as this energy can be positive for your finances. On a deeper level, this energy will guide you to release any fears you may have around your self-worth and feelings of acceptance. We all feel like we don’t belong sometimes, but you are not alone! There is a tribe out there for you, put yourself out there, be patient, and give yourself time.

Capricorn

This is a 5-star placement for you and a great time to get to work on those projects that may require a lot of your time and patience. The Universe will be giving you a boost of energy, so be sure you are open to receiving it! You may also feel drawn to take a trip, read a book, or take a course that brings about a new level of self-discovery or self-growth. This is also a time where your habits and energy levels are transforming, so make some positive new choices.

Aquarius

This energy is helping you to purge old motivations that no longer serve you. You may find yourself feeling burnt out and in need of some rest and relaxation. Allow this energy to recharge your mind, body, and soul. Be patient with the process and re-evaluate your goals and the driving force behind them. While you may feel like you are not making much progress in the physical world, Mars in Capricorn will be helping you to make progress in your inner world. The inner work you do during this time will propel you further in the future.

Pisces

This energy will be giving you added support to go after your goals and dreams. Take a moment to think about something you would like to do or create this year. Visualize it in your mind, write it down on paper, and then use this Mars energy to set the wheels into motion. In order to step into the vibration of receiving and attracting your dream, find ways to help others achieve theirs. In this flow of giving, you will receive.

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[ardentmuse]

At All Costs (Charlie Weasley x Reader) - Part 4

Harry Potter - Charlie Weasley x Reader

Wordcount: 2.9k

Masterlist // Series Masterlist

A/N: Warning: violence, fighting, angst. I hope you all enjoy! This part is a little shorter than most but a good move forward for the story. 

“What do we do?” Molly asked her husband and sons as they surrounded the family clock containing a tenth hand belong to a Weasley in everything but name.

“We can’t ‘do’ anything,” Charlie responded, though his eyes never left the image at the end of the long arrow, a gold-framed portrait of you, one that had yet to stop smiling up at him, so filled with love that he believed your image sentient, completely aware that it was him looking into your eyes and not a complete stranger.

His hands continued to trace the edge of the metal. A thought entered his mind that the frame was fitting, as only gold was precious enough to surround your person and encompass your form for his eyes.

When his head hit the pillow at night to dream, that was how he saw you, a divine being haloed in gold, shrouded in holy light. Part of him thought maybe he was lifting you up in his mind because you were gone, but he quickly squashed that idea. He had these dreams, saw these images on nights alone in Romania, in times where he craved your presence so acutely he considered mounting his broom and flying halfway across the globe just for fifteen minutes in your bed and a kiss upon his cheek. He yearned for you like a drug somedays and like water others, and if he was honest with himself somedays he would get so wrapped up in his work that he wouldn’t think of you at all until his eyes closed once more in exhaustion. Then his brain conjured images of catching you as you fell from your broom in the family groves, watching your face light up as you opened a gift from him on Christmas morning, and warping you in his blankets as you laid your head to rest upon his shoulder. But every time, when his mind formed the image of you, warmth penetrated his bones, bubbles filled his stomach, and an aura of gold clouded his mind. Pure, pure love. Love that grew each day. And love that would continue to grow each day still, whether you were alive or not to receive it.

And for the first time since all of this began, he felt a tear run down his cheek and land upon the first few letters of your name. For the first time in quite a long time, he felt some joy.

Molly rubbed at her son’s back with soft, rhythmic circles like the ones she used to do to ease his quidditch injuries in youth.

“I’m sorry, Charlie.”

“Don’t be, mum,” Charlie said as he turned to look at her, making clear the smile that was somehow, despite everything, plastered on his face, “Now I know. Whatever Y/N is up, it’s for us and for the Order. Y/N wants an end to this war more than anyone. Whatever this sacrifice is, I’m proud.”

Bill was stunned, “All this and you aren’t even going to send an owl? Have Kingsley investigate? Go searching?”

“No,” Charlie confirmed as he returned his eyes to you just in time to see the small wink that had you laughing. “We always had a no owls on missions policy. Y/N sends to me first, not the other way around. Too much can be traced. And if Kingsley doesn’t know, there is a reason. We’ve got to keep any details away from the ministry. We watch the clock. We pretend we know nothing. And we let Y/N do what they do best.”

Bill nodded as he processed Charlie’s words, seeing the logic within, something his brother often disregarded in favor of selecting the first practical, and usually dangerous, option that came to mind. Noticing the change too, Molly locked eyes with Bill and exchanged smiles. If there was one thing they always liked about you, it was that you made Charlie better.

“Y/N’s a tough one,” Arthur threw in for support.

“The toughest,” Bill confirmed. “ We’ll take your lead on this one, brother. You know this protocol better than we do.”

Charlie laughed, “That’s what we fought about, you know? This stupid protocol.” Charlie let out another chuckle. this one from deep in his chest more like a roar then any human sound, revealing the true lion within. “And now it’s probably going to save all our lives. Merlin, gorgeous, you’re always right aren’t you?” He directed the last question at your picture as he ran his finger once more along the length before finally letting go.

With the decision made, the family parted to continue about their work prepping for tomorrow’s celebration. Molly reached down to take the clock in hand, her constant companion through this war.

“And mum you’ll—“ Charlie began but Molly didn’t need him to finish before she confirmed, “I’ll watch for all my children.”

Arthur lingered a little longer than the rest, grabbing Charlie by the shoulder to gain his attention.

“I’m proud of you,” he said as he offered a pat, “You’ll make a good husband someday, son. Take it from me; trust is key. And I know you’ve both got that in spades.”

A single shaft of light came in through a small crack in the foundation of the dungeon in which they held you captive, enough to allow you to see how the horrendous mark upon your skin was healing, but just barely. The brand was chard on the edges. The skin was dead, as dead as the evil which produced it, and you still felt the burning deep under the surface, so deep that you thought that when you died and your flesh rotted away, the brand would still exist upon your bones.

You did your best to explore the baron room, crawling as you felt against the walls, but you only got a few feet before a voice, raspy and worn, called out to you.

“You won’t find anything, my friend,” the voice said before falling into a fit of coughing, “Merlin knows I’ve tried.”

You vaguely remembered the voice but couldn’t place it. You felt above your head to try and see how high the ceiling went and upon realizing you could stand, just barely, you walked with labored movements towards the source of the sound.

Once you were within reach, the man grabbed for your hand and upon feeling it recited with frightening accuracy, “11-inch, hornbeam wood with dragon heartstring core, sister wand to my very own. I always knew there were great things in store for you, Y/N L/N. I simply wish it didn’t have to be this.”

“Mr. Ollivander?” you said as your heart filled with fear and compassion for the man who had only ever shown you kindness, “Goodness, what have they done to you?”

He didn’t respond, but instead reached over beside him. You head a small metal tinge before feeling a rush of water upon your wound. It burned, worse than you expected, but after a rinse or two, you found relief.

You hadn’t a clue how much time had passed. Without light, it was near impossible to tell. But you did get a rather solid run-down from Ollivander about the proceedings among the enemy since the fall of Albus Dumbledore. You were grateful to have a fellow prisoner, even if you were more of a “guest” serving out a necessary punishment.

A swing of the door and a loud clang against the stone wall woke you from an agitated slumber. The light, so bright and painful against your eyes, made it hard to see who stood before you, but the voice was unmistakable.

“Up, curse-breaker,” Ismelda said as she threw a dark hooded robe overtop your body.

“Where are we going?” you managed to ask as you unburied yourself from dark garment.

“Our lord has a loyalty test in mind.”

Her laughter fills the void of the chamber as you clamor to your feet and rush out the door.

The music of the band had the reception tent filled with joy and activity. The pomp of the evening was lost on no one, as the events of the previous two months had left little to celebrate.

Bill held Fleur in his arms just a few yards in front of Charlie in the middle of the dance floor. The couple was laughing with each spin, completely engrossed in each other. And while sure, Charlie was happy for them, he couldn’t help but feel something was wrong. As best man, he had worn an suit to Fleur’s specifications but Charlie had intentionally selected a pocket square that would have matched your outfit perfectly and had planned to do his hair the way you liked, pulled back from his face and flowing behind his ears just enough for you to be able to run your hands through it as you sat beside him or astride him as you talked. But his mother had chopped it off before he could properly protest.

He wanted you here, wanted to see how you reacted to such a ceremony so you could begin planning your own. What parts would you like to keep? What parts did you wish to avoid at all costs when you said your own vows to each other? He wanted to sit in this chair with you right beside him, running his finger over the ring that should now be sitting upon your hand, as you commented on each detail: “No white tablecloths; too easily dirty,” or, “This food is good but I think we can do better,” or, “It isn’t too cold out tonight so maybe we aim for August too?” or even the occasional, “I can’t wait to marry you.”

Just as he turned down yet another cousin offering him a dance, the entire party was interrupted by a misty orb shooting through the tent into the center of the dance floor, like a meteor set on a path of destruction. Charlie stood in shock and pulled out his wand. Party guests scatter in all directions as the lynx lets out a low growl, making itself known. Harry sees out of the corner of his eye Harry and Ron run forward, accompanied by his parents and others who were otherwise entertained, the entire Order lined the dance floor protecting the rest of attendees from whatever harm such an object might contain.

The orb unraveled into the form of a lynx. It circled the tent once before settling at the center of the crowd. From its form came the voice of Kingsley, whispered and urgent.

“The Ministry has fallen. Scrimgeour is dead. They are coming.”

And as if on queue, black masses began appearing on the outskirts of the tents and rushing inward to search the mass for Harry Potter. Cloaked figures whizzed through the crowd like birds darting for fish just under the surface of the water, talons bear and dangerous.

On instinct, Charlie flipped the table and encouraged those few family members near his to apparate away. The goal as always among the Order was to protect Harry first and his family second, but honestly it was all the same at this point. Faceless cloaked figures shot curses in aimless directions, filling the tent with light and chaos. Cloth rained down like Christmas mist, sparks caught upon the edges of napkins, and dishes clanked upon the floor as each table was unturned and each settling tossed aside in the search for Potter.

Charlie had managed to stun a few assailants from his advantageous spot near the center of the mass but quickly it became apparent to him that a united front was a much better option. The capture of a single Order member could be devastating. Charlie stood and began to run towards the house, towards the mass of bodies back to back that he believed to be his twin brothers.

But before he could move even a few steps, he came face to face with an unmasked Carrow whose teeth were bare in amusement as he made to charge.

Just as Charlie was about to disarm him, a table flew into the air separating the two men. Carrow ran face first into the white-washed wood, falling to the ground for long enough for Charlie to get away.

But Charlie didn’t move. He knew that trick, knew it too well from all the times he and Bill used to levitate the tables and use them for battles out in the garden.

Charlie turned himself towards the hooded figure, face masked and otherwise indistinguishable from the rest of the attacking forces. He immediately shot a jinx in the direction of the body but the Death Eater didn’t counter, but instead casted a levitation charm on themselves, rising quickly into the air and avoiding his jinx completely.

And then he knew. He knew immediately as you hovered in the air before him that it was you.

As you floated, your head hitting the roof of the tent, you stared down at Charlie who couldn’t move, the shock and knowledge reading all over his face.

You had prayed he would remember that day in the forest all those years ago, before you even began dating, when you had levitated yourself to search for the centaur that he had somehow managed to befriend. Charlie had offered to catch you that night. He’d seemed so eager to help you then, and for the first time since you had started your friendship, you realized the butterflies you felt in your stomach upon seeing him might be mutual. He had uttered the counter-charm and down you floated, as gentle as feather, into his embrace. And he held you for just a second too long, and then you knew.

You waited a moment to see how he’d respond. The chaos around made it so no one was really paying much attention to you. And as you had just “accidentally” knocked out your handler, you had a moment to think.

Charlie lifted his hand, whispered something and down you floated, just like that night a decade ago. Charlie ran forward, ready to catch you his arms, looking so desperate to feel you again that it hurt your heart to see. And Godric did you want to feel him, too.

When you had first laid eyes on him upon your arrival, he seemed strong and confident, not the saddened wreck you expected. Maybe he never really loved you as you had thought, your brain said. But now seeing this, you knew the truth; Charlie had figured it out. He had nothing to mourn. But having you within arms reach seemed another level of torture.

But before he could reach you, you could see out of the corner of your eye Ismelda charging, accompanied by Bellatrix, as they chased Tonks back into the tent, all three blasting curses as quickly and deftly as they could.

You only took a second to assess the situation, to consider what was best, for you and for Charlie. And a step before he would have held you again, you whispered so only he could hear, “Sorry, my love,” before blasting him with a stun that sent him flying across the tent. You watched as he connected hard with a post before slumping against the dirt, unconscious but far out of harm’s way.

A couple of hard slaps to the face helped bring Charlie back to the waking world. As he blinked his eyes open, he realized he was in a bed, but not his own. And everything, literally everything was spinning.

“There he is!” George cheered as Charlie squinted his eyes, “I told ya, mum, something violence is the answer.”

“Oh, enough,” Molly chided as she pulled her boys aside to set herself down beside her injured son. She placed an ice pack upon the crown of his head. Only then did Charlie register the throbbing in his skull.

“Do you remember what happened?” Fred asked as he took a seat on the arm of the sofa next to Charlie’s feet.

George pipped in too, “Other than getting blasted hard by some death eater.”

“Not some death eater,” Charlie corrected, “Y/N.”

The faces in the room looked around a few times, trying to understand if they heard him right. But Charlie didn’t bother elaborating. The less who knew what was going on, the better. And he didn’t even have a chance before Aunt Muriel entered with a tray of tea and snacks and kisses upon the forehead for everyone.

A few days of recovery had Charlie feeling like new. He would have to get back to Romania soon on orders of Kingsley to recruit more foreign witches and wizards to the cause. And being hauled up in a tiny house somewhere in the Cotswolds was not helping anyone.

Just as he had finished packing his bags, finalizing his route through Europe to throw anyone off his trail, and sent the owls necessary to assure his safe journey, he heard a knock on the guest room door.

His mother stood before him, clock held tight to her chest, and a few tears littering her cheeks and apron.

“Before you go, I think you should see this,” she said as she handed him the clock.

It looked the same as it always did, except now not nine but ten hands all pointed in the same direction towards “Mortal Danger.”

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