#“oh i don't like lbh how could i?”

[theballadofmars]

I think that we, as a fandom, should talk more about the fact that sqq thought at one point: "Thank god lbh is not a demon who eats decaying corpses because kissing him would be a bit uncomfortable" at the beginning of VOLUME 2!! My man is not "down bad" for lbh he's straight up admiting that he would kiss him even if lbh was a cannibal he has zero chill.

[i-cant-cast-that-yet]

Y'know, I read a lot of Jiuyuan--or really just anything Shen Jiu in general, and Id like to pitch this idea to the class:

Disciple Shen Jiu who fuckin haaates men, right? Shen Jiu who goes to brothels to sleep bc he just can't around the other boys knowing full well how shit his reputation is bc of it but Fuck You he's gonna do what he has to to get some fucking rest on this shit ass peak of pretentious rich-kids who wouldn't know the tip of their sword from the hilt unless it was jammed in their throats--

Disciple Shen Jiu who's seen just about every flavor of man in the streets both from his nights with his jiejie's and from his time with the Qiu and the slavers, and loathes them with a passion and is, shamefully in his mind, afraid of them.

Standoffish, rude, holier than thou, venom spitting queen with a cruel streak a thinly veiled mile wide, Shen Jiu. A scum villain in the making.

Enter Disciple Shen Yuan.

Shen Yuan, in all his millennial transmigrator glory. Hikkikomori ass lame ass chokes on a meatbun and fucking croaks after reading a porn harem web novel for the fucking plot (cough-lbh-cough) Shen Yuan.

This rando ass dude with Shen Jiu's family name--no they aren't related stop asking, Shen Yuan why do you look grossed out do you wanna fight??--

Shen Yuan who doesn't get close to any of his shijie's, bc "Oh they're all gonna be in Bingge's harem at some point, I don't wanna steal the protagonists wives!!"

Shen Yuan, a shut-in nerd in his early to mid 20s, who also shirks any of his shixiong's attention for other reasons. He's not big on sports in the first place, and as cool as swords are they're fucking heavy!!! Where's the training montage skip button, system!?!? All this (ugh) comraderie...he just wants to stay in the library and pretend the scrolls are as interesting as zhongdian was, okay?

Shen Jiu, who sees these avoidant traits in a boy with his name and a face that looks like his and assumes Shen Yuan has the same traumas as him.

He hates men, Shen Yuan included for both the happenstance of his birth and also because he's an idiot, but now he's seeing more of him reflected in this dude and it itches.

Maybe he bullies Shen Yuan like he does Binghe. Maybe Shen Yuan, who isn't actually a teenager in his own head like lbh was and fucking hates the scum villain (he called for castration in one life and he'll do it again!! This life gave him cultivation and a sword, he'll get creative if he has to) fights back.

Puts all that time in the forums to good use and verbally eviscerates the guy. Hits on several sore topics all at once and if it wasn't for the very public scene being caused Shen Jiu might have killed this upstart instead of just throwing a punch and jumping him like he currently is.

And listen. Fighting between peaks is typical. The Qing Jing peak lord of the time could care less if Shen Jiu fights the Liu kid from Bai Zhan--there's history between the peaks as it is. But the two Shens beefing so publically?? That's bad for Qing Jing's image.

Shen Jiu might be hated, but Shen Yuan is adored by several key figures across the sect and this Shizun can't tell if the brat did it on purpose or not but it's troublesome either way. Shen Jiu is here on Zhangmen-shixiong's head disciples request, so she can't get rid of either of them.

So she strategizes. It's like her whole thing.

Qing Jing peak lord-jie sticks the Shen's in the xianxia equivalent of the get along shirt. She makes them go on missions together, do chores together, etc. They'll either snap and kill one another or become friends. She wins either way.

It's bad at first. Blood is drawn, fans are thrown and broken over heads. They're too alike and too different and Shen Jiu sees himself in this kid but also every rich boy who wastes their own potential and privilege that they can't realize they were blessed with and he haaates it. Shen Yuan is pissed bc this ass is cruel and awful but so fucking sympathetic once he's spent enough time around the guy to put some pieces together. Bro loves a problematic blorbo and Binghe was a lot of things in pidw, but the product of Shen Jiu's projection is chief among them and Shen Yuan is getting a whole lot of it right now and it puts a lot into perspective.

...................

This is getting away from me now. It's late. Maybe I'll pick this up later.

[megapocalypse]

"Oh Binghe doesn't need to be in a relationship he needs to be in therapy" THE WEIRD LITTLESPACE MANBABY × MILF ROLEPLAY IS THE THERAPY !!!

None of you understand, you don't get it: A normal therapist can't fix them because they're fucking insane.

Like SQQ isn't a normal guy who is forced to date an insane guy, he's an insane guy who thinks he's normal dating another insane guy.

Could you imagine SQQ actually going to therapy?

"Oh I'm not grieving for LBH"

"You called out his name multiple times, you haven't eaten or slept, you picked up all the pieces of his broken sword and made a grave-"

"Nonono you don't understand I'm not grieving, I just lost my appetite and I've been bored lately so-"

It's like when you find someone else who's also neurodivergent and has the same hyperfixations as you, you can both telepathically communicate via autistic swag and the spiderman pointing meme. Like the pieces just fit.

Bingqiu are two cringefail losers who fell in love with each other because they're cringefail soulmates. Their cringefail is what binds them together 💕

The teacher/student boymommy roleplay they're doing in public in front of everyone including the sect leader is just their deranged way of therapeutically working through their issues together. SQQ is so repressed he twists himself into a pretzel and shrivels like a prune and LBH is a cringebabypuppyboy yandere chuuni with abandonment issues.

Falling into the routine of milf roleplay is what helps them communicate their issues together; making a long extrapolated monologue over how he'd never abort Binghe is how SQQ is able to communicate that he loves him and accepts his feelings.

If you can't see the boyfailure then idk what to tell you 🙄

[m0owu]

Let's talk about how many parents does Luo Binghe has (FIVE???)

and how good they do their parents figure in his life.

credits: @tsty-brry

Tianlang-jun: I'm your father

Luo Binghe: Nuh-uh.

(younger) Luo Binghe: You're no one to me! You weren't in my life, you didn't do anything to me. Why should I care, even if you gave me birth.

-

lbh: after shizun accepted me as his disciple, he became smth like father to me.

sqq: bro, wtf. (do u really think pushing you is treating like a son. AND WHY DID YOU MARRY FATHER FIGURE)

-

Su Xiyan: I hope you treat him well

Adoptive mother: I hope so. Unfortunately, not as much as he deserved, but it was all I could give him.

...

tlj: do you even were in his life?

sqh: yeaahh.. I wrote all his destiny and personality but I still not really was there.

-

sxy: (literally gave her life for son)

adoptive mother: (gave lbh as much as she could)

father figures:

tlj: oh, you're my son? (wasn't even there)

sqh: srry guy, I wrote you tragic story.

sqq: push him into abyss, it fr means him to die.

-

Results:

- adoptive mother was good one but she died and it gave him trauma.

- Su Xiyan died for him but he doesn't really know that (till court) or appreciate it.

- sqq gave so mixed signals all the time (treats good - then push into abyss)

- we don't talk about sqh and tlj

5 parents figures and no one "did their job" like typical one..

sorry for bad English and repetition of words.

[thegoldenavenger]

Mmmmm, thinking about Luo Binghe flying high on his sword when a magnificent bird veers close to him, flaring its wings and catching the buffet of wind around lbh and riding alongside him

The bird looks at him with steely, piercing eyes and delicately reaches its talons out to grip zheng yang's hilt. It settles carefully onto the sword, ruffling its feathers as it balances. Idly, it toys with the hem of lbh's robe, at the tie on his boot.

Lbh is heading to Qing Jing Peak, of course and this bird rides with him the whole way. Approaching the bamboo forest, the bird catches flight again, quickly looping around lbh before folding its wings and diving.

Not to be outclassed, lbh also tucks himself in and dives. Unerring, the bird and lbh are heading for the same figure.

LBH finally has to pull out of the dive, jumping off Zheng Yang and sweeping it back into its sheath in an elegant movement while the bird, like an arrow, drops almost directly onto Shen Qingqiu, who is waiting.

At the last moment the bird pulls up, it's talons reaching out and it's wings breaking its speed. It perches on sqq's arm, almost a third to half the size of sqq himself.

"Oh you brought home Binghe! How good!" Sqq scratches the bird's feathers around its face, and the bird floofs and twists its head appreciatively. It delicately nips at sqq's fingers and sqq let's out a little "Oh! Right!" And procures a little meat snack for it.

Lbh, totally not jealous of a bird, announces himself and sqq smiles at him, very gleeful.

"Shizun...?"

"Binghe, welcome back! You may not have noticed, but your Liu-Shishu had a little qi deviation and turned into a bird!"

The bird makes a trilling noise after it—he—snapped up the snack, and goes back to nibbling at sqq's hand, pulling softly at his sleeve. Lbh makes a face.

"How long is he going to be like that?" Lbh asks, edging into sqq's space, not so subtly planning how best to oust bird-lqg from sqq's arm.

"Mu Qingfang said that he would likely have to clear the resentment that caused the qi deviation, before his energy can rebalance and return to normal."

"And... he can do that?" Lbh looks VERY doubtfully at lqg, who is busy trying to fit his head back into sqq's palm, begging for more scritches.

"Ah, well. Probably?" Sqq says, "He has times where he seems more lucid. Yang Yixuan is, uh, dedicated, but I don't trust Bai Zhan to have the delicacy required to take care of Liu-Shidi while he's this indisposed..."

"They might still try to fight him..." Lbh agrees.

"Exactly! He's still so intimidating!" Sqq says this while cooing, dragging his hand down the bird's chest. Bird-lqg obligingly raises a talon, showing off wicked finger-length curving claws to Sqq's obvious delight.

Lbh starts, in reflex, as sqq holds his hand out and bird-lqg curves his talons around it, but bird-lqg is exceedingly delicate, exerting a control that normal birds wouldn't possess.

"And he can't stay on the beast mountain?" Lbh asks

"Well, they have so many other responsibilities..." sqq says, almost pouting at lbh.

Lbh thinks that is entirely unfair. He is the one who should be crying in this situation, seeing as his husband has, once again, done backflips in order to arrange lqg into their care.

"You just want to study him." Lbh accuses, finally burrowing his way into sqq's shoulder, leaning on it enough that it unbalanced bird-lqg. Lbh keeps an eye out, but as expected, bird-lqg launches off of sqq with a few powerful flaps of his wings instead of risking harming sqq to readjusting his perch.

"I could turn into a better animal for you to study." Lbh says, petulant, into sqq's hair.

"Ahhh, it will only be for awhile you sticky husband." Sqq says, but dutifully pets lbh's hair.

Lbh shuffles them back into the bamboo house, intending on visiting the kitchens then heading to bed, but he's stopped by the mess of straw and woodchips spread along the floor. A large, wickedly gnarled branch leans haphazardly across the home, almost wall to wall.

"Shizun......" lbh says in despair. "Shizun, he is not staying in the house, is he?"

As if in punctuation, a beautiful feather floats down lazily in front of lbh's face.

[dianagj-art]

Am over here biting each art you post, each info you post about One or onion as if it's 5★ dish BECAUSE IT IS THAT TASTY 🩷🩷🩷

Few questions (remember if you don't feel comfortable about or don't want because of spoilers feel free to ignore):

- What causes you to have the genius idea of putting an animation in few panels of the comic? Like did you thought of it? Did somebody/friend suggested it?

- name one friend/ROTTMNT AU you don't mind to have their character/OC in your comic even as a background character?

- What causes One to change his mind about the mad dogs and decided to join their family?

- If you have a plot about making a new episode of ROTTMNT that involves One (and maybe somebody else; could be one of the brothers or splinter or anybody you want) what the plot's gonna be about?

- if onion (i keep calling F!One that, the disrespect is unimaginable am sorry 🥲) followed the movie plot would he end up ashes like canon F!Leo or will he make it back alive with casey JR?

- how's One's bond with Cassandra?

- how does One feel about Draxum demoting from an alchemist to a lunch lady? (LBH this's funny job for him).

- do you plan on putting an episode about One & Draxum AFTER their redemption? Like will they forgive and (probably not) forget?

- Name or draw one outfit you would love for One or draxum to wear as their casual clothes.

- any cute, funny or wholesome HCs about One after his redemption arc?

That's all for now! Again thank you if you answered my questions but if not then it's all good👍

Have a great week and take care of yourself 🩷

1)Oh, I just answered something about this here, but the short version is: I've wanted to do a mix of animation and comics for a long time (a zelda comic was my first inspiration for this) When I started this au it was gonna be an animatic so when I changed that to comic form, I still had a few things that I really wanted to have animated

2 )I'm not gonna @ them to not bother them, but I think I'm gonna end up having the sep council on the bg at some point lmao, this ask is from october and the reason I have been holding it back from answering is cause I kind of already did with the wall of champions on the last update!

3) for spoilers reasons I wont get too deep into this one, but while there IS a defining moment of him taking a choice, is not that what matters, what matters the most is the journey, after all, is the time he has spend with his brothers up to that point is what makes him flip sides

4)I do have a few episodes planned like that! right now I'm following the episodes that already exist cause is fun to see them change with the au, but I also have some that are things I made up! One I'm excited about is with Raph and One having some solo time on the Hidden City

5) "the disrespect" LMAO my brain refused to call him Oneion too at first, but is just easier with all the leos of the crossovers. He's not gonna go back with Casey Jr, sorry, his fate is not set in stone yet but I do know he's not gonna end up in ashes. I'm not gonna explain more than that lol

6) this has been asked a lot so I'm just gonna throw these here too @damonagel04-blog

One and Cass end up having a weird little friendship, based on mutual respect. After teaming up with the Foot Clan for canon plot reasons, One fights all the foot recruits as a training/demostration kid of thing and the only one who can stand their ground against him is her, and of course he finds her fun to fight, cause he can actually have a fight with her. After that they go on missions together, cause they force One to be with a team and he doesn't do teams but agrees if she goes, because she is actually a good fighter and competent enough to carry out the mission

Also, I have the headcanon that they can't use their real names on the Foot Clan, that's why they call her Recruit. you just give out your name if you actually trust the other person, but given the fact that everyone serious on the foot clan is a shady ninja and the other part of the foot are random people, she had never actually given her name to anyone. After a few missions together, Cass decides she can actually trust One with her name

They do end up being friends, tho One would never call it that, at least not pre-redemption

7) One doesn't really think much of it, he knows Draxum likes to cook, he has cooked for him his whole life, so he ending up with a cooking job on the surface is not so weird, and he knows Draxum has to lay low so it makes sence for him to be on such a crappy place. Plus One's gonna have another things in mind to worry about, he wouldn't have brains to judge that.

8) Oh I have so many things planned for their journey post redemption, but those are spoilers, they will eventually end up in a better place

9) I do have some doodles of one on casual clothes (1) (2), Draxum I honeslty have no idea

10) I'm gonna give you one thing with each of the hamatos:

Mikey teaches One to cook, he learn the hard way that you have to give One very specific instructions on what to do or he'll fuck up

One likes spending time on Donnie's lab, just lounging while Donnie works (is familiar to him), Donnie has a beanbag where he goes to nap sometimes while pulling consecutive allnighters, One ends up claiming that spot for himself

Raph helps One work through his anger issues, having experience working on his own, he's also the one One opens up the most

Splinter overhears One saying he used to wear a robe when being at his home and gets him a few. One ends up getting suck into watching telenovelas with Splinter

One likes putting on face masks with April, they end up having full "spa days" at April's at least once a month

and that's it! thanks for the ask!

[starchbean]

SVSSS Space Jam AU

Wherein Sha Hualing's invasion of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect goes very differently

Sha Hualing's goal of the invasion is not to steal the sign from Qiong Ding Peak, but to capture the sect.

Sha Hualing has set her sights a bit higher in this version - hoping to earn enough acclaim among demons to secure the leaderless Southern territory for her to rule.

She wants to bring cultivators to the Demon Realm and put them on display like a human zoo (as per Space Jam) to prove her power and right to rule

She plans an ambush captures the weakened Liu Qingge and Shen Qingqiu (Jiu) from the Ling Xi caves, and gives Qiong Ding Peak a thorough beating, telling the sect that if they want their peak lords to live, they'd better come quietly

Shen Jiu tells her he'd rather die than be enslaved again, and the entire sect takes this lead as an opportunity to let her know that they refuse to yield to someone who played dirty to capture them

Fine then, she says. They'll have a fair competition--she'll even let Cang Qiong Mountain set the terms.

It is agreed - if the demon forces win, Cang Qiong will comply. If Cang Qiong wins, all participating demons will leave humans alone. (this becomes binding)

The Peak Lords can't agree on what the competition will be but they MUST put an idea forward or they're just gonna be killed. They perform a ritual to summon an expert that will lead them to victory

The expert turns out to be Shen Yuan, from the modern world--and his expertise is as a world famous star Basketball player who had a disabling injury and could no longer play.

This is a sport few of them know how to play, because in their world it is an ancient training practice no one cares about.

Rather than assuming he's from another world, they all just assume he's from the past

After things are explained they figure basketball is a safe enough bet, since cultivators can fly and demons can't, and they DO have the foremost expert - the point of the ritual was to get them someone that can WIN

The demons do the thing the aliens from Space Jam did and get the powers of the famous players - uh oh - advantage!!

Shen Yuan for some reason?? Insists? on pulling little ragged LBH off the bench and putting him into the game????

He's actually a natural at basketball, wow! He really IS the protagonist! He quickly becomes the star player, and Cang Qiong starts WINNING!

But exposure up close and personal to so much demonic energy is a problem. After a particularly vicious foul from Elder Sky Hammer, his seal breaks and his nature is revealed

To Shen Yuan's horror, Shen Qingqiu (Jiu) kicks LBH off of the team.

LBH realizes the letter of the law - if the cultivators win, he will have to leave humans alone, which means he will never be able to get to know Shen Yuan--the man who showed him kindness and believed in him! He simply cannot let that happen! So...

He joins the demon team, to Shen Yuan and Cang Qiong's horror

I would write this but I've got a backlog, and I don't know dick about basketball :P

*Lindsay Ellis imitating the Beast's voice badly* "If you like it, it's yours!"

[rarepears]

The lqg fake death au with soulmate strings au,

Oh man when lqg gets to sqq and sees him I know for a fact he'd feel so helpless because he wouldn't know how to help him.

Maaaannnnnn this is really a great au, so much good angst

I also can't help but try to imagine ways this could turn into a hurt/comfort but I keep feeling like that'd be ooc, maybe a lot of hurt/ very little comfort.

Would sj just have a defeated air to him? Just bitter but wouldn't do anything about it because it's pointless in his eyes? His chest burning like acid had been poured on it and the weight of his grief would feel crushing to his soul, almost numbing with its intensity.

I want to say that lqg just takes sj away from hhp and cqs but I don't think lbh would let him just go. And lqg being more actions then words would probably start just fighting lbh.

I want sj to be happy, man, but the angst needs to happen ya know? Maybe lqg gets injured but gets sj out of there, I don't think for long, since I'm pretty sure lbh has blood parasites in sj but I'd like to believe they get to breathe for a moment.

Shen Jiu's love language: fan smacking and self-sacrifice Liu Qingge's love language: leaving dead and bloody beasts on pristine ground

There is no comfort, only dead animals and blundering each other... and yet that's apparently how these two idiots comfort each other?

ANYWAYS

There's NO way that PIDW only has 2 ways of reviving dead people. There has to be more secret ways - because plenty of Airplane's drafts turned out to exist in PIDW and there has to be more ways he thought of resurrected hot dead people to add to Luo Binghe's harem.

Maybe Liu Qingge hunts one or two down and that's how he rescues Shen Jiu in the end? By "killing" Shen Jiu and then allowing Shen Jiu to take on a new body, new identity and Liu Qingge leaves Cang Qiong sect for good.

(Also I don't recall what's in this AU anymore but I'm too lazy to read it out right now, so hopefully I didn't contract things too much.)

[More in #liu qingge faked his death in pidw to go on a secret mission au]

[lizhly-writes]

Does the QiJiu MDZS reincarnation AU happen after PIDW? Cause I can kinda see SJ being reminded of LBH when looking at WWX

Oh yeah, I'd say it definitely has to happen after, because PIDW gives out a death for Yue Qingyuan, and I don't really feel up to imagining a SVSSS death for him.

As for Wei Wuxian... hmm. I gotta think about that.

Disclaimer: I didn't finish SVSSS or MDZS, and it's been a while since I read the original text, so my thoughts are incredibly unreliable, but!

In childhood, Luo Binghe was very hopeful, optimistic, and durable. He was repeatedly humiliated and hurt but kept coming back in the hopes that he could one day win approval (which, you know, didn't work out, but whatever). Wei Ying... is not that. If I remember correctly, kid basically ran away at the first hint that he was unwanted and it took some reassurance for him to believe that he really should be at Lotus Pier at all.

If he was a disciple on Qing Jing, I can certainly imagine Shen Jiu stomping on him for the crime of being a young and spiritually talented street kid who got to cultivate early, but that's not the same thing as being similar to Luo Binghe specifically. I don't really think Wei Ying would ring any Luo Binghe bells when he first shows up.

When he's older, sure, I guess. Then you get the talent, the arrogance, the flirting with girls, the intangible characteristic of being capable of truly horrible things. The first three things don't really matter, I think. Like I imagine Shen Jiu might have a passing thought about it, but it's ultimately an inconsequential thought that can be brushed off. Anyone can be talented; anyone can be arrogant; anyone can flirt with a girl, whatever.

You've got to look after that those three. The absolute last item on the list is the most important: the concept of hiding monstrosity with a smiling mask. The paranoia of that is something I can see eating away at Shen Jiu.

But I don't think that last thing is really going to kick in unless Shen Jiu does something awful to Wei Wuxian first.

Wei Wuxian's whole "live and let live, forget and forgive" approach to life is an incredibly foreign concept, but it doesn't become outright suspicious until he actually has to forgive something horrible. Then you get into "how could you forgive this? how could you forgive me? i bet you're secretly holding a grudge and will torture me horrifically in an attempt to make me beg for death" territory.

So... in the end, whether or not Wei Wuxian reminds Shen Jiu of Luo Binghe almost entirely depends on whether or not Shen Jiu attempts to humiliate or hurt Wei Wuxian specifically, which I imagine Shen Jiu wouldn't be particularly keen on doing to any disciple in particular, considering how well that turned out last time.

Which I guess brings up another question: at what point does Shen Jiu know that he's Shen Jiu?

[thestormthatrises]

End of the year #moshang thot!

SQH has always been MBJ's person. Since day one, even when he wasn't awake or aware enough to realize it, SQH was the one™️

He was the one to lean on, to trust, to search and follow. He was the one that wouldn't leave, no matter what.

He was the one who heard him when all of his words got stuck in his throat and he couldn't say anything at all. He was the one that filled the silence that came from the uncertainty and dread he was allowed to show. He was the one that knew him better than anyone.

Better than even his uncle had, once.

He was the one MBJ sought out to soothe him, the calm port in a lifetime of storms.

He was the one that could make him laugh. Or at least smile, by being silly, by being good... Just by being himself.

SQH was a part of him he hadn't known he'd been missing. The missing piece of his armor and... his strength. And MBJ knew, even without knowing; without realizing it or thinking-- just by the beating of his heart alone that, it would be ok, as long as SQH was there.

The world could shun him, turn against him, try to Destroy him... But he would still prevail.

Because SQH was there.

He was his person and his person has promised to follow him to end.

But the thing was that... MBJ wasn't SQH's person.

Like, at all.

SQH loves his king very much. He was this author god's favorite! Ten out of ten. Top character! Perfect creation!

But he wasn't SQH's person.

And one could say that it came from how they met. How that idealized version of MBJ in SQH's mind had clashed so very heavily with his bratty and demanding and violent reality put an end to the prospect...

But it wouldn't be true.

Others could say that it was the nature of their relationship. How, while MBJ could (and should! Definitely should! SQH was there for Dawang!) Lean on SQH, the same couldn't be said the other Way around.

I mean, don't get him wrong. SQH could, for sure, ask *some* things of MBJ, obviously.

He could ask for a sneaky one up, with his king teleporting him to places he needed to snoop.

Or killing. MBJ was so very good at killing.

Hell, MBJ - out of the kindness of his heart - could even be persuaded into getting some very rare materials for him for a mission or an experiment.

His king was awesome for sure!

....

But...

(Not a hug. Not praise--)

No.

That wasn't it, either...

And then there were those who thought that he could have a person already. It happened! You could love someone romantically very much, with all your body and soul but still have your person be someone else.

A brother or sister.

A cousin.

A friend...

Someone might even suggest that Cucumber bro might be Airplane's person.

Though, that someone might be advised not to say it to his face. Because he'd laugh at that until he was blue in the face and *then some.*

Peerless Cucumber! His person! Ha!

The man that would let him die if he wasn't useful! Ha!

The man that just came barging into his house without even a "please come in" and demanded shit from him! Ha!

The man that didn't even say thank you after he bent over backwards for him! Oh god!

The rich little troll that harassed him online....

Ah...!

No.

SQQ wasn't his person.

They were barely friends.

SQQ only kept him around as an errand boy and someone to talk at instead of to, complaining about the world around them and his inconsistent dead plot for PIDW, all the while his op husband stared daggers at him from the kitchen (Airplane wasn't worried, though. LBH might hate him for taking time from his 'precious Shizun' but he won't kill him. If SQH were were to die, then that would mean that he'd actually have to do his job as demon emperor and not be able to play housewife to his lazy husband.

He isn't above being petty about snacks tho)

No.

None of those were the reason because, in truth... MBJ wasn't SQH's person because SQH simply didn't have one.

In two lifetimes... He never did.

He did know, of course, about other people having a person™️. He was an average consumer of pop media. He watched soaps with his grandmother. He read romance books. Hell! He even wrote about it in his non-PIDW fiction.

It just--

It never happened to him.

He hadn't been particularly wanted in his first life. Bouncing from one household to the other, his whole life was summed in two suitcase and an old laptop since his parents first divorced.

When each of them remarried, he couldn't rely on them for any sort of scrap of love or help because they simply... Didn't want him - the living memory of bad decisions - around their new lives.

And when he went to live with his grandmother - god rest her -, even if she did spare love... She was old. She couldn't help him in an ever demanding world she barely recognized.

She could give him advice and pet his hair and tell him he was good...

But she was the one that needed help to shop, to clean, to pay bills. And then to take her medication, to bathe, to feed herself... And then to breathe, to pay for hospital bills, to--

He couldn't ever tell her things. Secret things. Insane dreams. Sincere doubts.

She loved him. But, even when grandma tried, she just wouldn't understand him.

And when she died... No one ever tried to again.

He went through his first life just trying to keep his head above Water and trying so desperately to survive. A hand outreached with no one to take it.

Maybe that's why in his second go, he didn't even try.

He knew the world he made. He knew the character he was stuck in. But, most importantly, he knew that the universe wasn't fair.

Because it was *him*, every encounter was transactional. People expected something out of him for them to give a shit. Be a good son and you can go to CQM. Provide your Peak Lord with good cakes and you're head disciple. Be a good spy and keep your life. Keep your head down and you won't die.

That's how he lived his life. In an eternal fan dance. Showing and hiding parts of himself. Desperately trying keep the soft, vulnerable weak parts of his heart hidden behind a subservient smile; tricking people with exaggerating allowed weakness; dazzling and misdirecting with his efficiency until he had enough power, enough control that killing him wouldn't be a plausible action.

After all, who would do all of his work?

So there he was, dancing on the knife's edge, calculating ever single step because he doesn't have a person and so, no one will be there when he falls

(However, what he doesn't take into account is that each of his steps are followed by a very keen - gorgeous, mesmerizing, bewitching - pair of eyes.)

It takes MBJ too long to notice that he isn't SQH's person. Much too long.

Junshang settles himself, elopes and lives in bliss.

MBJ had inherited his father's power and, with SQH, had dealt with his uncle. SQH had fled and MBJ had brought him back. They courted. They married. They were happy.

And then, one day, he realized it, very suddenly.

How it always surprised his husband when MBJ would do him a kindness, when the demon king sought him for affection. Of course, he thought it meant something good, because SQH lit up every time... But...

MBJ just never realized the small confusion, the hesitation-- the flicker of a shadow that flooded those dark brown eyes for the briefeat moment when he did so.

He realized that, though SQH always offered an ear to his problems, a soothing word for his hurts or just a simple hug for when even words were useless...

He never asked for them. He never talked about problems he wasn't halfway into resolving. He laughed away his hurts

He pulled away when he was overwhelmed.

And it wasn't that he didn't love or trust MBJ!

Mobei Jun knew, he *knew*, his husband. He knew when he was sincere and he was not. He knew his devotion. He knew his care.

But he didn't....

SQH didn't... *Rely* on him.

And it hurt.

It actually hurt. And in a way few things did.

A dull hurt. An ache that felt like an accusation, a judgement. Stupid and emotionally, he felt... He felt-- insufficient, for his consort; for his love.

Because... If not him, then who?

Who could be above him in Qinghua's heart?

But there wasn't anyone.

The more he watched, the more he laid attention to those careful, masterful steps... There was no partner.

SQH didn't seek anyone because there was no one--

No.

That wasn't true!

He was there! Mobei Jun was there!

There was an instinct-- Something very, very juvenile; deep inside, that wanted to lash out. Wanted to scream and roar and... hurt too. To demand SQH look at him and *see* him. To hold him tight until they fused together as one and then SQH would have no choice but have him as his person.

However, there was also the voice of experience. The dreadful pain of a lesson well learned about consequences of trying to pin SQH down when he didn't want to be. Of disrespecting his wishes and...

And losing him completely!

It was a fate worse than death!

So MBJ was forced to curb his baser instincts and do things the long (right) way.

He had to go along with the dance.

It wasn't that hard to learn it, seeing as he knew his husband but it was hard to keep a good eye on him.

SQH hid very fast.

Any sharp turn, any jab, any misstep, would cause a momentary, blink and you'd miss it, reaction. A twitch of the brow. A curled fist. A mere shift of one foot to the other

And then, it was gone. Buried under subterfuge and cleverness. An illusion hid behind a smile.

(And how could such beloved lips produce such a hated smile?

MBJ *hated* when his husband forced himself to smile.

It was almost-! A mockery of all that he loved!)

There was the denial.

SQH never *needed* anything, proudly proclaiming his self sufficiency. Of course, that didn't mean he scoffed at MBJ's gifts. No, he cherished all of them.

But, looking a little deeper, he could see the longing for things.

Sweets from passing stalls he never stopped to buy because they were in a hurry. Books he didn't stop to read because he didn't have time. Rich brown eyes following couples down the streets, long lashes dropping at the sight of gentle, open affection...

And then looking back at MBJ and smiling, radiantly.

As if there was never a pang in his heart.

It was a beautiful thing. But also hurtful and painful, specially done to someone that lived him so.

And there were thousands of these little things. These little pricks to the heart. The cuts on the soles of his feet trying to follow his person and learn his ways in their perilous waltz on the knife's edge; trying to build a way to something everlasting.

It felt like lingchi.

But Qinghua was worth it

Eventually, he managed to get the rhythm down. SQH's cues becoming a second nature.

Just like his husband knew how to read volumes out of the blankness of his public face, so did MBJ learn all of SQH'S little ticks. What brow furrow meant just mere annoyance or confusion and What meant that he was exhausted by the situation and needed a moment.

He learned to pay attention to was unsaid in the cacophony of his husband's speech, the hidden needs he kept away for the pressing matters of his king, kingdom, peak or whatever it was.

He learned hidden things, things that SQH didn't even know he liked himself.

Like, he didn't know how much enjoyed to having nails gently scarping against his scalp and his neck, as MBJ just pet him hair as they snuggled in the dark.

He didn't know he liked to Not have to check of someone was paying attention when he was speaking for too long.

He... Oh hell, he even liked to be able to share his nonsensical little stories he liked to work on in his down time with someone that didn't want tear it apart and over analyze it one way or The other.

It was just nice, to have someone read his messes and feel *something* because of it.

He didn't know he liked being able to wake from a nightmare and not immediately get up and leave, as to not disturb his husband.

It was good to know he could wake MBJ up, if he Wasn't up already (such a light sleeper, his king) and...

And...

And asked to be held.

But the best thing, the thing he liked best-- and the thing that too him a while to realize that he had.

Like actually truly had.

Was that he could just... He could just be, with his husband.

He could be silly and lazy and flirty. He could be petty and cranky and weak. He could be scared. He could be... Open, with him

And MBJ still looked at him like he daily hang up the moon and the stars.

And it was hard and painful because surely the universe knew it was him.

The universe knew it was him and wouldn't just give him such a good thing out of nothing

Surely, the other shoe was about to drop.

The day would come when all of this would stop.

Because he was Airplane shooting towards the sky.

And he couldn't have nice things. Ever.

But MBJ didn't stop.

And the shoe never fell.

And the day didn't come.

And SQH wouldn't say it (he didn't want to jinx it) but suddenly, a part of him that had been empty for two lifetimes, a hollow wound that never healed right-- got filled.

A missing piece of him had finally come back and he was whole for the first time in forever. There was someone here, crazy enough, patient enough, smart enough to see him. Truly see him. To challenge him. To inspire him. To love him.

Just as he was.

Someone that wouldn't leave no matter what he did.

Someone that was choosing him, every day, again and again.

And he wasn't going to say it.

He wasn't going to alert the universe of it's mistake or oversight.

He wasn't going to jinx it.

But...

He understood, he now really, really understood why people need and love their person.

(Because he needs and loves MBJ so much)

[phoenixcatch7]

The Flash: so, how did you guys meet? SQQ, internally being like a deer caught in the headlights: that's a long story, but we really have to go. My husband and I have a LOT to catch up on. (zooms away with LBH). The next time the Justice League see the Demon Emperor again, it's at the next Justice League meeting. Batman is sitting in his lap. SQQ! Batman: he has separation anxiety. LBH: :))). LBH brought them all snacks as an apology for beating them up.

Goodness sorry for the delay ^^

That's pretty cute haha, but I don't know if sqq has a face thick enough to bear sitting on his husbands lap in front of his coworkers! I can see him getting lbh a spare chair even though he ABSOLUTELY isn't supposed to be allowed on the watch tower in the first place, but as the meeting goes on lbh scoots closer and closer until he's basically on shizun's lap. Poor Clark twitching every time he hears the squeak of chair legs XD.

Lantern, eventually: aren't you going to tell him to stop?

Batman, holding his sheaf of papers close to his chest for the past half hour because he physically doesn't have room to put them down and asking lbh to move would mean acknowledging it: stop what? He's not doing anything.

But oh man if someone asked him how they met. Sqq would be delighted to realise that in this world they're not famously known as the master student demon cultivator eloped corpse holding rpf smut couple that centuries of rumour has only compounded, right up until lbh eagerly opens his mouth to regale people with the story of how he fell in love with the prettiest bestest person ever!! And he'd immediately grab lbh by the ear like 'don't. Blow this. For us'.

Lbh: but shizun you were so beautiful when you -

Sqq, keenly aware of the way all the super hearing people have gone silent: LET'S STOP TALKING FOR A WHILE.

But of course that just starts the rumours. Batman has dignity and poise even in the most embarrassing circumstances (hundreds of wife plots, sqq's practiced face, batman's reputation, and copious amounts of internal screaming) - what on earth happened?! What could possibly be so embarrassing that batman shies away from the mere mention of it?!

[theballadofmars]

RANKING SVSSS CHARACTERS BY HOW LONG THEY WOULD LAST IN FNAF

8. ZHUZHI LANG: the moment he sees an animatronic moving he hides under the table and gives up. Dies night one.

7. SHA HUALING: survives the first night by sheer stubborness. Second night she tries to fight the animatronics. She gets to destroy the cupcake but Chica kills her.

6. YUE QINGYUAN: he listens to the instructions and survives three nights. The fourth night he tried to do it as perfect as possible, gets overwhelmed and dies by a heart attack.

5. LIU QINGGE: he fought lbh for five years and survived he can survive at least four nights. The last night he gets a bit overwhelmed by all he has to do and forgets to check Foxy.

4. SHEN JIU: you could say that for someone who starts the novel dead he would be in a lower position, but sj can multitask and he's not intimidated by the animatronics. He probably kills William Afton the last day.

3. SHANG QINGHUA: I think he would be insecure during the first nights, but by the ends he's just like "meh". He spends the last night writing PIDM.

2. MOSHANG: they don't have the protagonist halo, but again, sqh is great at multitasking and with mobei at his side he has more confidence in his skills. Would survive the five days.

1. BINGQIU / SHEN YUAN / LUO BINGHE: Protagonist halo lbh makes him impossible to kill + millenial sy who probably was a teen when fnaf got out. Both of them survives the five nights, if they're together they complete 20/20 mode and burn the place down when they finish. Sy infodumps and the animatronics are kind of afraid of lbh.

HONORARY MENTIONS:

-MOBEI - JUN: sqh isn't here? Not interested. Doesn't go to work.

-LIU MINGYAN: she's writing toxic yaoi porn the animatronics doesn't want to approach her.

-MU QINGFANG: survives one night, tries to solve the mistery and ends up in the hospital as the victim of the bite of 87.

-QI QINGQI: I think she would come back the second night with an gun ready to shoot the animatronics. She gets fired.

-TIANLANG - JUN: would probably try to fuck Phone Guy. "Oh, the animatronics are possesed? Ha, ha, you're so funny, I love your voice, why don't you help me pass the time? ;)". He gets fired.

RANKING TGCF

RANKING MDZS

[cursed-angelic-art]

For the ship ask game and the crackhead ships I find hilarious and interesting:

BingLiu

LiuShang

MoBing

JiuYuan

(I think they're funny and silly)

Oh man, this'll be a long one. Tysm for the ask! I think as a disclaimer for these asks, to get it out of the way; I can't really conceptualize any of these ships without Bingqiu and Moshang still there, lurking. I try to think of just the ship at hand, but the uninvolved characters from each of these pairing are still coloring my perception of each ship listed.

Bingliu

Ship It

What made you ship it? Honestly it's just the antagonism. I'd like to read some UST into it. Also, while I believe Shen Yuan is narratively the best person for Luo Binghe (on account of him caring so much about LBH and about him having a good story), I think from Luo Binghe's pov, he just needed someone to step in at the right moment and care for him. I like to entertain an au idea of LQG being in the wrong place at the right time and blundering into stopping LBH from being abused, leading to LBH's lifelong obsession with his Shishu.

What are your favorite things about the ship? Literally the enmity. Being at each other's throats for five years, fighting over a dead man, does something to a person.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? Idk what's unpopular since I haven't spent much time on just these two. I think if it weren't for sqq, these two wouldn't need much to warm up to each other? At least from Luo Binghe's end. He values loyalty and strength. Liu Qingge is a harder nut to crack imo. It would depend on the circumstances.

Liushang

Ship It (Somewhat)

What made you ship it? From the little fanwork I've seen, I think it could be viable and fun.

What are your favorite things about the ship? Mostly just Shang Qinghua finding more stability among the peak lords and being taken care of. Having someone on his side who is explicitly loyal to him and cares about him more overtly. Idk how things fall that Liu Qingge would end up taking on that role, but I believe it could happen.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? Not really, because I haven't explored this ship much.

Mobing Don’t Ship It

Why don’t you ship it? I just see these guys as coworkers/friends, but not even super close friends. Binghe is kind of a young upstart/apprentice to Mobei-jun, and I just struggle to see Mobei going for that??

What would have made you like it? Probably a talented fic author. I'm willing to read any ship, and I think if an author set things up such that Mobei sees in Binghe some of the parts he's attracted to in SQH, but in like early PIDW canon, I could be invested. Beyond fanwork, I think maybe if canon showed them interacting a bit more, that would have helped.

Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it? There's loyalty, there's hot guys, there's committing atrocities together. I can see why people ship it for sure.

Jiuyuan Don’t Ship It

Why don’t you ship it? I think I just struggle to see it conceptually? It's hard for me to reckon with Shen Yuan falling for someone who hurt Binghe. That said, I still enjoy some fancontent for it. AU stuff can be really creative in a way that makes me enjoy it on occasion, but I tend to gravitate towards canon compliant or canon divergence type fics.

What would have made you like it? Honestly, outside of enjoying fanwork and aus about, I can't really think of something that could be changed about the canon, that would have made me invested. Maybe if Shen Yuan was at all haunted by Shen Jiu's corpse, that would be really zesty, but would also have changed a lot about the story. I'd def read an au about that though.

Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it? I do think that Shen Yuan comes to have very mixed feelings about the previous SQQ, and could be persuaded to care for him more than pity him. In an au, I can see this being a basis for something. I don't think that something would necessarily be healthy, but are any of the pairings in this book? I think an au where they're both inhabiting the body together could be a really fun way of smooshing them together where they have to become wholly invested in each other.

Ship/Don't Ship Ask Game

[oleanderedits]

Hi,.....if you don't mind me asking, can I ask your top 5 (or top 3) favorite characters from SVSSS? And why do you love them? And your top 5 favorite moments from the novel? Sorry if you've answered this question before....Thanks....

Top 3 characters from SVSSS:

Airplane/SQH - the little rat man author has wormed his way into my heart and now I live and breath his meta the way traces of himself are in every bit of PIDW and SVSSS. I like that he is unabashedly a coward but still unflinchingly loyal to those he cares about. I like that he built a world that is so clearly a reflection of his own hopes and dreams and nightmares and everything in between and came out of it going 'I like this place. I like this story' which comes across as 'I like myself'.

Mobei-jun - SQH's literal dream man that he still doesn't understand even after decades of being friends and also, literally writing him into existence. Superb. Wonderful. I love the way he actively tries to love SQH despite not understanding how to get that across properly and that he learns from his mistakes even when they hurt him emotionally and he wants to run from them and they seem too big to deal with. He still forces himself to do so. Love that he's a tits out kind of man.

Gongyi Xiao - the man who could have been the protagonist in another a story. He's a good person striving to live true to his morals in a sect that keeps ignoring that morals exist. Unlike most of the characters in the book, he saw one instance that implied some sort of abuse and immediately decided to help them get away from their implied abuser. He deserved better.

Top 5 moments from the novel

SQQ hearing the song about him and LBH for the first time. I know it's mostly the english translation that does this, but the translator nailed the bit with the number and variety of euphemisms for papapa that they squeezed into that description,

I really like MBJs first appearance at the Immortal Alliance Conference. Great entrance. Exactly how an enigmatic future-second-in-command should be introduced. Special shout out to SQQ following this whole sequence up by throwing the demon spiders at SQH's prone body in a petty attempt to get back at him for causing the IAC to go badly.

"Fuck! He can't fly!" was such a sudden turn of the apparent narrative for SQH and MBJ's relationship that it stands out as an 'oh shit!' moment for me. It's very powerful as events go once you get into all the extras, but even before that it stands out as being so outside the norm that you know there's something deeper involved than what SQQ had been seeing and thinking and telling the readers through his narrative voice.

The (terrible) sex to save the universe. Love that trope being turned on its head and it being a bad experience all around and it not really solving anything because it wasn't the sex that saved the world it was SQQ accepting his own feelings and repressed desires that allowed for it to happen in the first place. So really it was the 'coming to terms with who he was and not rejecting it or running from it' that saved the world.

I liked most of the Sower arc. It was a very interesting look at what SQQ expected of the story vs the changes his actions had wrought as well as the acceleration and adjustments of various arcs to try and fit the new narrative. Also, the mystery of the sowers and how the sickness spread was really well written.

From the Extras

All of the Airplane Extras

[qzwrites]

bingliushen fuck or die + angst

this outline is like. detailed narrative smut, then a silly argument, and then it kind of peters out because i don't know where i was going with this, i'm just incapable of being horny without crafting a narrative about it

okay we open with a standard sex pollen + trapped somewhere or whatever scenario with lqg the one hit (presumably bc he took a blow for sqq or lbh) and sqq is like oh well um yes i do know the cure but also um. and both lbh and lqg are like just spit it out and sqq is like aaaa he needs to...finish...in someone else's body

and lbh just looks at lqg and is like I FUCKING DARE YOU TO SAY SOMETHING and lqg is just like. well it would be fine if i died but i'm not really into taking down sqq with me...or lbh i guess but mostly sqq...and lbh is like shizun when you say in someone else's body, how "inside" are we talking

and sqq is like. well in the novel it was definitely a creampie but that was only after curing the curse with oral sex so he's like due to the magic mumbo jumbo, idk if a hand would work but a mouth definitely would? and lbh is like. fine, i'll do it

and sqq is like BINGHE NO DON'T LOWER YOURSELF IT'S FINE I'LL DO IT and binghe just immediately turns on the crocodile tears and is like shizun i couldn't STAND watching you pleasure another man...even to save our lives...please forgive this husband for betraying you and being so selfish....

and liu qingge is like. i'm in hell.

(i think maybe this needs to be in liu qingge's perspective bc we need to see binghe's scheming but we also need to. know how distressing and confusing liu qingge finds all this)

and lbh is like. perfectly willing to make this a businesslike blowjob, except he notices sqq is. interested. and then he immediately turns into a porn star and liu qingge is like holy shit. holy shit. oh my god.

so lbh sucks lqg's soul out through his dick, and then while lqg is trying to catch his breath and recover from a very stressful loss of virginity, sqq is like ...binghe...><...could you give me a hand...

and lqg would leave and give them privacy but his legs aren't working yet because he's never come that hard in his fucking life, so now he's awkwardly trying not to look at sqq and lbh making out, and not hear lbh being extremely filthy with his dirty talk, and then lbh yells his name like he's tried to get his attention a couple of times (he has) and lqg looks over and there's sqq half-undressed, with his dick out, and lbh is like shishu come kiss my husband

lqg is like WHAT

lbh is like. well it seems like shizun didn't just like watching me suck another man's cock, it seems like he found liu-shishu himself attractive. so get over here and help me get him off. (he's probably slightly less polite in this exchange than he would be in front of sqq, but sqq is. dickmatized. he's too horny to care about what lbh is saying or how he says it)

so lqg creeps over and keeps checking with lbh, who is like "get on with it", and kisses sqq, and is totally taken by surprise by the wanton moaning into his mouth that happens

sqq is so out of it it literally takes him a minute to realize there are two mouths on his body right now and binghe only has one mouth and he's like AH SHIDI? and lqg is about to flee, but lbh grabs him and looks up from sqq's dick and is like "shizun, don't you think shishu is pretty? didn't you like watching him come?" and sqq blusters and stammers, and lbh is like "shishu, you don't mind do you?" and lqg blusters and stammers, and lbh is like "great, i'm going to go back to sucking dick now"

and every time lqg goes to do something, he looks at sqq, and sqq looks at lbh, and lbh just like. pinches or pokes lqg or something. so lqg kisses sqq, and touches his neck, and his chest, and kisses down his body, and sucks on his nipple, and sqq obviously comes (and lbh is obviously smug and delighted about it), and then sqq recovers way faster than lqg did and is like WELL THAT'S ONE CURSE BROKEN, I'LL JUST HEAD BACK, BINGHE YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF THE CLEAN-UP RIGHT, HELP YOUR SHISHU and books it

and lbh is like. well i'm going to see if that's something he wants when he's not zonked out of his mind on lust, don't fucking touch him again until i tell you it's okay, and then also leaves

and lqg is like ???

*

lqg is totally willing to just. accept that weird things happen sometimes. like, the sex pollen and fuck or die things are relatively commonplace (more so around sqq) and weird things happen around both sqq and lbh, and lbh obviously only did that because he thought sqq wanted it, and...it seemed like sqq did enjoy himself...which was nice...but it means nothing and is never going to happen again so he's just going to stop thinking about it!

and then lbh shows up on bai zhan peak and is like. okay he's into it, come to dinner

and lqg is like ??? you want me to have sex with your husband? you don't even like me? why would i do this?

lbh is like. okay you're not this stupid usually. i do not want you to have sex with my husband, i was thinking i would have sex with you in front of him, he liked that well enough last time. whether or not i like you has nothing to do with whether shizun finds you attractive? and shizun should have everything he wants, ergo, shizun should have you. idk he's always been weirdly insistent that i should have a harem, maybe he'll shut up about it if we're having sex. and you would do this because there's no other way you're going to be with him and you also want him to have what he wants, don't you?

and like. well. now lqg is feeling uncomfortably Seen. and also like he has things in common with lbh. neither of which he likes.

he goes to dinner.

he gets to make out with sqq, which is nice, and then he gets fucked by lbh, which is. a pretty intense experience! it's physically enjoyable and he gets to see how much sqq likes watching it, which is a lot, and he comes, and then he's just kind of there while sqq and lbh have lovey-dovey sex, and he's like ohhhhh this sucks i don't like this actually

but the next invitation comes from sqq, and he's so cheerful and happy about it that lqg doesn't say anything, and sqq dares to suggest maybe they could try it the other way around, so lqg fucks binghe and binghe is. way more into it than lqg expected him to be actually. like he's crying and lqg doesn't think the tears are fake. lbh appears to be having some kind of fucking Realization and lqg does not want to be there, except sqq is super into it and so is lqg's dick, so he's like. well. mama didn't raise no quitter, anyway

and it's like. sqq is treating him like normal, like a friend, and being cute, and then suggesting filthy things to do together, and lqg does like. get off on it. it's sex. it's nice. except then inevitably there comes the part of the evening where sqq and lbh have basically forgotten about him and are in their own little world, which is annoying enough when lqg is just laying there coming down, but is excruciating when (eg) one of them is using him like a sex toy. like yes it's hot when sqq fucks his mouth while he and lbh make out but it doesn't make lqg happy

and eventually lqg is like. yeah okay enough is enough, this is not working for me, and he makes sure to find sqq some time when lbh is off in the demon realm or something, and is like. sqq please tell your husband you don't want to have sex with me anymore.

and sqq is like >///< excuse me? shidi?

lqg is like. i don't. want to do it anymore.

and sqq is like omg shidi i'm so sorry i thought--i mean you always seemed to enjoy yourself...

and lqg has to clarify like. no it's. physically it's. pleasurable. but it makes me feel. bad. emotionally.

and sqq is like oh. um. i'm sorry. and they just like sit there for a while. and then sqq is like why don't you tell binghe yourself, though?

and lqg is like oh my god you stupid motherfucker. (he does not say that but that's the emotion he experiences) you know lbh doesn't even like me, right? i don't know if he even finds me attractive. he's doing this for you.

and sqq is like I'M SURE I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN

and lqg is like aaaaaaaaaaaaa shixiong. please. yes you do. he realized you...find the two of us together pleasing...and that's why he brought me into your bed. it is completely and entirely because you like it. he would not do it if not for you. (he does not say, i would not do it if not for you) if i try to tell him i'm not doing it anymore, it's...not going to work. (sqq probably assumes this means they'll fight about it, but lqg is kind of more concerned that lbh will just. tell him more things about how he feels about sqq. devastating) and i know other cultivators sometimes say you don't care about anyone's feelings but lbh's but i know that's not true and i am asking you, as a friend, to please convince your husband you don't want to have sex with me anymore.

and lqg is like. phew. god that was too many feelings, i need to go kill something

MEANWHILE sqq runs to an ding peak and is like CUCUMBER AM I A BAD PERSON?

without missing a beat sqh is like yeah

except instead of sniping back sqq is like. oh. i see. and starts shuffling off sadly

so sqh has to be like oh my god i didn't MEAN it you turned my fearsome demon emperor into a spoiled housewife through the power of love, you are clearly not a bad person, what is wrong

and sqq is like. okay so you remember the FOD plot device

and sqh is like bro you must know the answer is no

and sqq sighs and is like. the blowjob curse. that then ended up with a creampie anyway. because you're a hack.

and sqh is like oh lmao yeah that one, what about it

sqq is like. well. so. um. liu shidi got hit with it? while we were on a hunt?

and sqh is like oh shit, how did lbh take that news

sqq is like umm. he was there. so. pretty good i guess?

and sqh is like. *eyes narrow*

sqq is like so binghe sucked him off but it was--i mean liu shidi is very pretty! and i like watching binghe do things he's good at! so i got kind of horny! and then binghe noticed that, of course, and um. we've kind of been having threesomes with lqg for the last six months but earlier lqg said he didn't want to do it anymore because it hurt his feelings??? and i never even noticed he was having any kind of feelings about it at all, i thought--i mean. you know.

sqh is like cucumber, no one in this world or the last knows what the fuck you mean when you say things like that. i have NO IDEA what you thought because WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING what the FUCK have you been doing what the FUCK. what the fuck.

sqq is like shidi said binghe was only even doing it for me! and he didn't even want shidi! which is ridiculous, right? i mean he's so pretty. but why would binghe like. why would he. i mean i did like watching them but that's. i assumed that was a bonus, not like. the point.

sqh is like. i am not qualified to talk about most of that but i can tell you, luo binghe would do literally anything if he thought it was what you wanted. if he really thought you wanted him to have a harem, he would have a harem. if he thought you really wanted him to kill himself, he would fucking kill himself. and if he thought you wanted a harem, he would start rounding up every person you'd ever said was attractive and grilling them to see if they were trustworthy. so yeah, i'm not surprised you expressed attraction to the one other person in the world as in love with you as luo binghe is and luo binghe was like. i guess it's time to suffer through threesomes for shizun

and sqq is like WHAT

and sqh is like oh my god. oh my GOD. are you telling me you didn't KNOW? WHY DID YOU THINK IT HURT HIS FEELINGS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND

and sqq is like i don't know! i hadn't gotten that far!!! i thought maybe he liked binghe and was sad binghe didn't like him back???

sqh is like you are so fucking stupid. i cannot believe you have two of the most powerful men in the world fighting for your attention. except...i guess i did kind of write pidw with a lot of attractive bimbos in it...is it my fault actually??? is it my fault you're irresistible??? i assume you died a virgin neet irl since that's what my audience was so you could hardly have been irresistible then....

and sqq is like. well everything is your fault so yes, but also, i am not a bimbo what is wrong with you

i think at this point they just like. devolve into inane squabbling over petty bullshit and completely forget the actual emotional crisis sqq came there with.

[thegoldenavenger]

Would give so much for a PIDW / SVSSS concept tape... just like... the A is PIDW mix between grunge and ballads all about sorrow and hunger and revenge and then you flip to the B side and one of the singers has definitely been replaced but is doing their best to sing the same intro songs with some minor changes (phrases and exactly how it's sung of course)

(would be extremely funny to have sqq's replacement to stop mid [extremely dramatic lyrics about cycles of revenge] and be like "yikes" under his breath but Audible and other Funny gags like the intro of a song having to go over twice until sqq's replacement goes "oh!" and starts singing. Pre or post song chatter but it's sqq being like "haha you want me to sing what?") until eventually the track list changes too and it becomes a tragicomedy / love song album

Absolutely hilarious if it played out like the [gunshot: another instrument is silenced] meme but practically I think the last song sqq's singer is in should have his voice cut off mid-lyric in like a display of emotion except he does Not show up again until his replacement on the b-side. (Although with how many deaths are in pidw you could get away with a similar style since I'm assuming all the characters get leitmotifs or instrument associations! So when one of them dies that just does Not Show Up Again)

The A side you get to hear lbh's singer go from bright-voiced optimism to deep, seductive and filled with anger (he's out here chanting like slipknot "cut, cut, cut me up, fuck, fuck, fuck me up" and on the B-side he just starts singing about pining love and moonlight like, halfway through. He still has the vocal evolution but like in a different direction. It would be SO Funny.

(I don't think lqg would have vocals but whatever instrument he's associated with would play up with new sqq's vocals all the time on the B Side. Just like. Dueting. Insistently. Ahh it'd be hilarious if sqq's voice like gets a little drowned out so he just stops and lbh's voice (and leitmotif honestly) barges through the track and drowns out lqg's instrument before fading out with all instrumentals except for sqq's quiet little leitmotif before sqq makes a startled noise and starts singing again. You can hear this man thinking omg wtf yikes while he sings hahhhh)