#“oh but the internet exits so she can work on her skills”

[cursedauxiliary]

some stupid internet/tiktok drama i stumbled upon is ppl shitting on this woman for making dinner for her kids.... like sorry shes not this insanely manicured upper-class trad wife that whips out yeast starters...did everyone just collectively fuckin forget the lackluster shit we ate as a kid??

[vroomvroomcircuit]

You pulling in made me wish your Dad pulled out

(A/N): Thank you to @foreveralbon for workshopping this fic with me with this prompt. I don't know what to do if you weren't my muse.

Summary: Charles pissed off his neighbor with his parking. Her answers are notes taped to his car window. How can evolve more out of that?

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x female!reader

Wordcount: 1.6k

🏎Masterlist🏎 ________________________

(Y/N) knows that she isn’t the most professional car parker. She should never start a career as a valet for sure. After all, she needed a second attempt on her own practical test to attain her drivers license.

But there is this one neighbor of hers. She doesn’t know what he looks like, what his name is or where he even lives. But (Y/N) knows one thing for sure: He is a shit parker.

Like, he is the worst person at parking that has ever walked the world. If he could, he probably would park his oh so expensive car onto other cars. But she tries to not let that get too close to her. After all, we just talk about parking spaces and it’s not worth getting her blood pressure up over it.

But (Y/N) found her tipping point.

Her whole morning has been a shit show. Her alarm went off, but she accidentally turned it off instead of giving herself another five minutes of sleep. Five minutes turned into 45. That meant the young woman had to rush through her usual morning routine and she is 90 % sure that she put at least one clothing item on the wrong way.

But it’s ok, she is still on time. She just needs to get out of the car par-

This is where (Y/N) last thread of patience with that neighbor snaps in two like a potato chip, crisp and unclean. This person parked the front half of his car in a way that completely blocks (Y/N)’s rear end from exiting the car in a way that does not hinder the sidewalk.

It takes a solid seven minutes to get out of her spot, trying not to scratch hers or another car. Arriving a few minutes late at work because of that and receiving a reprimand from her boss is really the young woman’s last straw. On her lunch break she does some snooping on the internet and comes across a really fine find. It’s worth the price and shipping cost to her.

Actually, she can’t wait for the week it is supposed to take to arrive at her doorstep.

But the time between that particular day and the day of arrival do fly by when you use it getting madder and madder at the dickhead that is unable to park like a normal person.

The next occurrence doesn’t take long after (Y/N)’s package finally arrives. She wanted to park her vehicle in her usual spot when Mr. Ferrari already took his and her own too. How can one person be such an asshole?

(Y/N) takes one of the business card sized cuts out of her glove box and puts it in the slit of the black car’s window. Satisfied with her work she steps back into her vehicle and looks for a different spot, ending up walking several minutes back to her apartment building, having to look somewhere farther away.

Charles can see from a distance that there is a card at his car’s windowshield. Which makes him suspicious. Surely no one thinks that he wants to sell his car for cheap, so it can’t be one of those car handler’s business cards. Maybe it’s a new ruse of thieves, trying to get him to stand long enough at his car to read it and be able to steal his car. Or they are kidnappers. Anyways, he makes quick work of putting the card into his pocket and drives off at a neck breaking speed.

When he arrives at his destination, the Monegasque pulls the piece of paper out and reads it. “The way you pulled in makes me wish your dad pulled out”, he reads aloud, laughing a little to himself.

He has to admit that he might not be the best at parking. Who is he even kidding, he would win the world championship at being the worst car parker possible. But the thought of someone getting that angered over his non-existent skills.

It’s something that makes him happy throughout his entire day. Which is his main reason to try and look how much he can piss that particular neighbor off even more.

So Charles starts parking even worse. If he also starts on the habit of watching out of his window more often now, he would claim it is just a coincidence. But something in him wants to meet that neighbor.

That person that gets more and more creative with their insults. One time they called him an obstacle to evolution. The other day the business card said something along the lines of him belonging to the asshole club now.

Another, a handwritten, note asked him not to reproduce. The neighbor even left a condom for him. This made Charles laugh so loudly, that (Y/N) looked out her opened window.

She just finished one of the worst shifts she ever had since starting that job and all she wants is just a quiet evening to come down from the stress. Just the noise of the laugh is enough to set her off again.

Seeing her handsome neighbor from under her apartment pocketing the note and condom she left just minutes earlier isn’t what she expected. Watching him opening the car, sitting down and driving off is even less on her list.

It kind of destroys her world view, realizing that hot neighbor and asshole parker are the same person. In the last couple of weeks (Y/N) started to get some fun out of the mean comments she left at the black Ferrari’s window. This also could be her chance to finally make a move on him.

The young woman waits for the brunette to return with his car and stays seated on her couch for another couple minutes, for extra measure of course. After that, she leaves the apartment building with her prepared note and tapes it to the car’s rear window.

Charles on the other side stays glued to his window as soon as he enters his apartment. He finally wants to catch the person that gets angrier and angrier each time he parks in an outrageous way in the act.

Seeing the beautiful neighbor, who lives above him, sticking another note to his car makes his heart flutter in an unexpected way. For some time now he wanted to get to know her and if everything went according to his original plan, ask her out on a date. But maybe he can now use this to his advantage.

As soon as the beautiful neighbor is back in the building Charles waits an extra couple minutes before he once again makes his way to his car.

Running over his vehicle with a pep in his step, Charles is kind of excited about what insults or threats await him now. He has to admit, he actually parked pretty decently. Or as decent as he is able to. So the note has to be at least a little bit nicer than the previous ones.

“Hey neighbor. I thought instead of shitting on you and your parking skills even more, I want you to help and get better. I may not be a driving teacher, but helping you wouldn’t make your skills worse. Just text me with the times you are available at ;)” signed with (Y/N)’s name and number.

It’s kind of funny to explain to the press later how Charles met (Y/N) and became her boyfriend.

"Yeah, well I know that my driving has become sort of a, a meme,” he answers when asked a week after his announcement on instagram, “And my neighbor wasn’t too fond of it either. So she started to leave me these really funny, but also really aggressive notes at my car. One said something like I won the inconsiderate Parker Price. Which made me quite proud.” This entices a laugh out of the journalist. “Yeah, (Y/N) has a really good way with words, I fear. But in the end she offered me some parking lessons.” Charles smiles and thinks back to them.

He had texted (Y/N) immediately and they set up a date for the lesson two days away. But they still continued to text non stop and by the time they met up, it felt like they had been friends for years.

Which didn’t stop (Y/N) raging at Charles after his fifth failed attempt of parking his car according to her instructions. “I don’t believe you anymore. With the way you park you are not from Monaco but the deepest and wildest parts of Italy! Your Ferrari seems really fitting now!” This drew a laugh out of him until she graced him with the meanest look he didn’t expect her to be able to muster up.

“How about dinner as a thank you and apology?” He asked sheepishly, trying both to diffuse the situation and make his move. Why not shoot his shot right now?

Luckily the young woman agreed.

“In the end my parking skills weren’t enough to win her over, but my charm was what scored me a second date.”

And a third. A relationship. After some more funny parking jokes and him kneeling down on one knee with a ring and the promise to take lessons to keep their future family safe he even scored himself his unexpected forever.

[goodbuckcharlie]

Dirt and oil - Quinn Hughes

Summary: Quinn would like to consider himself a gentleman, raised by THE Ellen and all, but when he finds himself in need one the side of the road, he can’t help but be surprised when his Knight in shining armor is a 5’2 girl named Daisy

Note: just a short one today, this was also written fast as I spent my morning at the hospital waiting on my grandma to be okay. She fine now but this helped me not lose my mind. So please give this short fix some love and maybe when everything is better I’ll make a cute part two.

“Shit this is not happening right now.” All Quinn wanted was to go to the grocery store in peace, but of course his front left tire was flat. Now his father has taught him many lessons in life, but changing a tire was not one of them.

As the blinking lights of his hazards went off, Quinn sat on his phone hoping to find a YouTube tutorial on how to change a tire. He was way too embarrassed to call one of his teammates for help. About 15 minutes later, Quinn had learned absolutely nothing off the internet and was currently debating on calling a tow truck.

That was until a school bus yellow jeep pulled up right behind him on the side of the road. Quinn expected another man to exit the vehicle, but to his surprise a short woman with black curly hair and more tattoos than he can count exits the front seat.

“Hey there big guy looks like you can use some help?” The girl walks over to Quinn with her tool box in hand, “my name’s Daisy and I think I can be of assistance, so tell me what’s your problem?”

“Oh I just got a flat tire,” Quickly Quinn turns off his phone and faces the girl next to him, “I don’t want to inconvenience you so I’ll just call the tow truck company.”

“It’s seriously no biggie,” Her button nose cringes from the cold breeze, but her perfect customer service smile doesn’t falter, “I was just heading in to work.”

“Oh then I would hate you to get in trouble with your boss,” Daisy giggles at Quinn comment. The boy nearly lost his mind at the juxtaposition of her soft giggle and her tough outward appearance.

“Oh I doubt my boss would mind, but let me make sure,” Daisy looks into Quinn’s driver side mirror, “Hey Daisy is it okay if I’m late to work cause I’m helping this poor boy is distress? She said it’s fine as long as the poor boy in distress tells me his name, you know for insurance reasons.”

“I totally forgot, I’m Quinn,” Daisy holds out her hand as Quinn introduces himself.

“Well Quinn, let’s change that tire for yah,” Daisy directs Quinn out of his car, and he opts to stand to the side of her as she worked on his tire.

“So if you don’t mind me asking, how did you get into working on cars?” Quinn attempts to make small talk.

“My paps owned the shop up the street and since he was a single parent, I had to spend a lot of time at the shop,” Daisy works on the tire with ease, “I learned how to change a car tire before I could even drive.”

“Woah I’m impressed,” As soon as the words left his mouth, he realized how bad that sounded, “I mean I’m not impressed that you can do it, I mean I’m impressed that you learned from a young age.”

“It was just another life skill you know,” Not moving her attention from the tire, Daisy continues the conversation with Quinn, “just like learning how to ride a bike. When you grow up around cars, it’s second nature.”

“You know I understand that,” For some reason, Quinn feels comfortable around Daisy, and he can feel himself opening up to her, “I love what I do and all so I have no complaints, but Hockey has become second nature to me since I grew up around it.”

“Hockey huh?” For a moment, Daisy looks towards Quinn, and he can’t put his finger on it, but something about the tiny spot of grease on her face causes him to admire her more, “You look to delicate to play such a violent sport.”

“Looks can be very deceiving,” The two share a laugh before Daisy goes back to working on the car. They make some more small talk until the car is done.

“That spare should hold you for a little, but I recommend stopping by the shop so we can get you a fresh set.” Daisy pats the side of the car like a dad would.

“Thank you so much,” Daisy just shakes her head insisting it was no problem, “Well tell your boss I’m thankful that she let you come to work late to help little ol’ me and if there’s anything I can do to show my appreciation just let me know.”

“Well you didn’t hear this from me, but the boss loves the coffee shop next to the shop,” She walks over to her own car while walking away from Quinn, but before entering she shouts over to him, “maybe when you get your new tires you can ask her to a coffee date?”

Before Quinn could respond, Daisy is already back in her car setting off back onto the road. When Quinn got back into his car he notices a business car on the front seat.

Reynolds’ Autobody shop

7am-5pm Monday through Friday

He flips the card over and a smile is brought to his face.

Daisy Mae Reynolds

(xxx)xxx-xxxx Call me hockey boy

[castle-dominion]

4x9 kill shot OOH A PLOT HEAVY ONE DJFHKJSDHFKJASD HEE HEE HEE

Or you should only get married once- or that! Ok! Girl YOU help, you're the one there!

This scene made my mom do her resistance band physiotherapy while we were watching lol Oof poor beckett. trauma or smth. Like hamantha except it doesn't actually work that way, right? Mythbusters did that

Oh that's so tragic Is that pattern or blood on him? Pattern. it is the weave of his shirt.

not a good joke XD Beckett looks nice today but also like that shirt is pyjamas. Castle looks normal, good as always, ryan is wearing that suit style he does, love the vest as always. & let's check my laundry to make sure it doesn't flood. Wait I had a dream about chicken stock last night. It was intense. At least, for me, a chef.

When I first watched this I didn't get it but now that it's the second time I can hear the "It’s a common ammunition favored by… ...........long range shooters." LMAO INTERNET EXPLORER do adults actually say "I'm a big girl" in a serious way? I thought it was lighthearted, like it seems here. "haha I'm a big girl now, you don't need to avoid the word, silly you silly me" See after this point it became seamless, shooter sniper whatever. Bro what's so special about "my unit" of special forces. (tho yeah it really is skill to be able to do that) Oof she asked if she felt it Why would you say that castle?

Ok so exit wounds are so so much worse than entrance wounds, but we only get a glimpse of her back so yk maybe we can't see it. But as someone else pointed out, She Had Surgery. She should have not only a Bullet Scar, but also the Surgical Scar.

Ooh now that's a sexy gun. & I'm an anti-gun person. (doesn't mean I can't find guns intriguing.)

The way the shooter was looking made it seem random. I also did not see a flag.

Poor beckett & the car door. Someone needs to write that fanfic at the diner under the table & I think it is going to have to be me. The captions wrote nada THIS time. The what now? I'm not american idk any dc shooter Ooh good scenes, the overwhelm overstim sounds doppler shiny it tickles my neurodivergence (adhd) as it prods at hers (ptsd) yo I LOVE hearing him talk smart like that. Lanie looks soo so cute when she's concerned Nobody's going to offer her a hand up? why was the /siren/ the trigger tho? btw nice jean jacket

wait I was looking on the wrong side of the sign! I went back & I did see the corner of the flag I think.

Ryan has a nice jacket, light grey with a faint square pattern on it, plus a lapel pin as always, blue dhirt, tie, & looks like the pants match the jacket. Esposito has a collared t-shirt, grey/black, only three buttons or so, badge around his neck. Yeah castle shut it Uh gates, you should have identified that you were asking about links first. close to a thousand qualified shooters just from this country tho. You have more than that. Ryan asks if she is ok when she just doesn't respond & like bro of effing course she is not ok but he is expressing concern & I love it

KB: I don’t have PTSD. me: you literally do??? You know, paranoia sucks but sometimes it can be useful. I always try to sit facing so I can see the room or the door but that's mostly paranoia. I NEVER go through a door I don't know I can open again but this one is actually useful & important. Yeah it is a bit paranoid to check the door every time I take a break at work but at school I went to take a break & check the door & I was right that it didn't open. In fact: right after I checked, someone came through a door on the other side & I had to let them in. Mum used to work in an airport. I grew up post 9/11, there are school/mass shooting crises, so the airport would host active shooter training. Heck, I was at a religious event & we got a bomb threat! So yeah, I care about this stuff. Always know the exits & muster points in case of fire or shooter. Always know where the fire extinguishers are. Yeah maybe some anti anxieties would help take the edge off until you deal with the trauma, then you can go off the meds once you've dealt with it. But lots of anti anxieties & SSRIs take a couple weeks to work hun "you don't have to" ugh so so good She's got to be able to do something to take the edge off while she refuses to deal with it for real...

RC: How worried should I be about Beckett? She’s never snapped at me like that before. JE: ... ??/ . RC: And meant it. JE: Hell, it was bad for me when I came back and I never took a bullet. Except then in s5 they retcon that, espt says to his bud that he took a bullet for him & the bud owes him info on this burner laptop. RC: Well, at least she doesn’t remember it. JE: Or she doesn’t want to remember. RC: JE: A thing like that? It’s easier to just keep in a box. [& yk what? Good for her if that was the case.] This case might bust that box open. RC: So, what can we do? KR: Catch the shooter. ["I will be once jerry tyson is in cuffs"] JE: He’s right. Best thing for everyone, Beckett included. In the meantime, just give her space and don’t take it personally. They all love her sm lmao freaking windows media player he is either taunting you, or he is asking for help, same with the little things he leaves at every scene dna? really? ig it is just a figure of speech

cool ass telescope wow I hate the imperial system sm why would a worker's kid be up here with a paper doll? on top of the sandbag/cement bag, castle. That's how you shoot babe. Adjusting for wind is so technical, it's so smart & difficult. Ooh! Another shooting victim? At the same time that espt is explaining it? So cool! hats off to the writer/director/editor/everyone. Or wait, it is not a NEW shooting, it is the one we already saw. Regardless, I love the audio too.

People are GOING Love how castle makes it sound like it's his idea Loud clap of the elevator doors

HOLY CRAP 92 IS A HECK OF A LOT. Seriously, if you want to get into a fight, get two lines of people, & make em hash it out in a good old fashioned brawl, no weapons, & see who wins. woah kate maybe it is time you step off the case. Ask gates to force her off the case. Beckett would hate you even more, gates, but the rest of the team would thank you.

Hun becks is not the one to ask for his help after accusing him like that. kinda wish we got to see more of espt's interview with the fellow

castle coffee is not a good idea, it makes you shakey & anxious. Wait it's decaf. Decaf is just the grossness of the coffee without the caffeine... I think that castle gave her that magnifying glass oh nvm little point viewing espt's interview with marcus

KB: >:( KR, softly: Hey. We’ll figure it out, okay? ugh so soft & caring wait u can get dna from sweat? Also how do you get the sweat dna without the moleskin dna? wow I just noticed beckett has small ears KB: You know he saw her face when he killed her? People always think that snipers are so removed from their targets. But he wasn’t. He was as close as we are right now, looking through that scope. Wow that's something.

mum didn't even recognize becks here bc she looked so out-of-it tbh I thought this was a dream. esp with where her gun was. fun story (with sui tw): mum got into a car accident on the way to school. The car flipped upside down & she had to push herself against the roof of the car to be able to unbuckle herself & get out. When she was ou ttho, she realized she had to go back in & remove the heavy metal music from the CD player so the media couldn't blame it for the accident. As she was going back in, she cut her hands by crawling on the glass. There was blood dripping down her hands onto her wrists. Mum looked at the car & said "my parents are going to kill me." So rumour got around. Nowtransparent had blood on her wrists! Ntp was bleeding from her wrists, she got cut on her wrists! She said her parents would kill her! Ntp cut her wrists! Ntp cut her wrists on purpose! Ntp killed herself because her parents were going to kill her! Ntp's parents were so mad that she killed herself! & then mum showed up to school & everyone was like "I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD" (reminds me, she apparently cut herself when she was younger maybe 13, to see how much it would hurt if she killed herself, because she was an undiagnosed ADHD girl in the 80s.)

You know what, some ppl complain that alexis should not have been the one to figure it out bc there is a team of cops but seriously? I think it doesn't matter & is better for the story & possibly more accurate in some ways too. Tho it just so happens that alexis knows this painter? that part is far fetched. along with the pronunciation. But heck yeah let her live her life it's fine!

Yeah ppl are going to think it is self inflicted. She should really be wearing a more skintight type of sweater, I know she has them, & she should not have bled thru at least not that far. as a SHer I say she could do so much better ryan's so pretty! I'm not a fan of striped shirts but he wears them so often & this one is so pretty. & he has a tie & vest of course. lmao love how beckett is "new york city street name" but ryan is like "church" it warms my folk-catholic heart why are So Many phones ringing & why is nobody answering...? this is the entire homicide department

Well that was scary she was just there on the stretcher... When she took off her jacket I thought for sure she'd have a vest on. she takes off all the stuff to get out of cop mode! that's it! Like how you are only allowed to play with your service dog after you take of their jacket & they clock out. Where is castle tho? He surely would have followed her

This episode is way more esposito involving than I thought it would be. [21:59, INT. PRECINCT, BULLPEN - DAY] RC: She’s spinning out of control. She’s losing her ability to cope. [Esposito blinks at Castle solemnly. The elevator dings & Castle nods to it. The door opens and Beckett hesitates & then steps out, her hands are deep in her pockets.] RC, lowering his voice & stepping closer to Esposito: She should not be on this case. JE: Well, she’s not just going to walk away. [is this man wearing eyeliner btw? bc if he is I love it] RC: No, she’s going to drive herself into the ground. And you’re the only one [Esposito breaks eyecontact] who has any clue as to what she’s going through. So, what helped you? [Esposito looks over to Beckett. Castle follows. Beckett walks to her desk, seemingly shaken. Esposito looks back at Castle & nods.] I'm sure more of them have been shot at some point or another but ig beckett's experience was probs more intense since she almost died. I mean remember when esposito said that ryan was waiting for the other shoe to drop in 4x4 in reference to 3x6?

[22:28, INT. PRECINCT, EVIDENCE ROOM - DAY] KB, hands still deep in her pockets: Espo, what are we doing back here? [I like the nickname espo just fine but the emphasis is on the sito half of it & most nicknames are the emphasized part.] JE: I want to show you something. [Esposito takes out a sniper rifle from under the table.] KB: What is that? JE: The rifle…that shot you. KB, soft & strained: You are way out of line. JE, lifting his fingers to gesture while he holds it: Just look at it. KB: [backs away a bit] No, what the hell are you doing? JE: I’ve been where you are. I know what you’re going through. KB, looking a bit mad now even tho she's on the verge of tears: Javi, I’m fine. [ooh first names] JE, walking slowly closer to her around the table: You’re not fine. You’re just trying to act like you are. [fake it until you make it?] This is just a tool. [Beckett stands with her arms down & out, most fingers are holding her jacket sleeves down but one on each hand is sort of pointing to her.] It’s a hunk of steel. It has no magical powers and the person that fired it is not some all-powerful god. He’s just a guy with a gun. [Beckett either nods or kind of sobs/shakes I can't tell.] Just like the guy we’re hunting now. And like every other bad guy, ["bad guy"] he’s damaged goods. KB: [Blinks, then swallows.] So am I. JE: [eyes flick down to where she was shot for a split second.] That’s right. [Beckett watches him with hurt in her face.] And that’s okay. You think it’s a weakness? [with a firm, almost angry face] Make it a strength. [some things you can do that with but idk abt this... I do like how he does not argue that she is not damaged tho. he says yes you are, we are, & it is not going to break us, it is not going to hold us back. He also says that somehow one can make it into a strength but yk I'm sure he knows what he's talking about.] It’s a part of you. [Beckett cries a single tear. Esposito holds the rifle out for Beckett to take it.] JE: So use it. [The music is solemn. Beckett slowly approaches Esposito who has the rifle extended & she takes the rifle slowly, hands shaking. She sniffs & is crying. Esposito watches her. Beckett makes eye contact & nods. Esposito nods back. He glances down, probably to make sure she has it, then walks away.] Ok so wtf just happened? is THAT what helped u espt? You're just going to leave her now? I'm kind of confused. It was a great great scene tho. Maybe I'll record it for the internet

The nods between castito Man is definitely flashing the camera that coffee cup on purpose

Oh I thought esposito was covering for her, she's actually out here running down a lead. Or not a lead but she's out here with that gun. She just has it & is walking around with it She pulled something? She has a cell phone...

Man just counting money at the table The faces that caspocketto share when becks comes back in <3 Hey mom said she thought the guy had a limp!

Was there some sort of identity switch? He's still my brother

Yeah people are very good at not noticing homeless people

Oh dang that's not an it. Those are many.

Different lighting. The bullets sound like a pack of pencil crayons. Ryan has not changed, is it the same day?

Castle CARES. He is not just in it for the story, he is more useful helping ryan figure out the victims.

I know I'm anti gun with pronouns but dang that is a nice gun. hold on where did they find his car? Was it near where he is rn, getting into position?

lmao high schoolers. I like how the bus driver just smiles back at them too.

I like how the one pedestrian starts running when they see the cops. Esposito goes the other way... Also he gets the big gun lol. Ryan whispering "Come on, come on." & then yelling "Answer your phone, damn it!"

he is NOT going to be there. Or he is & is going to target beckett on purpose. wait this was ONE open suite? It's huge! he isn't going to be in this room either or nvm there's just a random photo of a schoolbus there or wait no he's not here or ok he is then! Wow that was a lot ooh, you see how he kicked her gun off to the side but he has a prosthetic leg? Love it when they have characters with speech impediments & it is not the butt of a joke Just like Mike Royce said, flash your tits! See? He was leaving those dolls there for a reason u r still the enemy kate... Frame rate. They sell highspeed cameras you know. Tho idk how much one would cost for movies. It might have a better frame rate but it might be more pixelated or the colours might be off idk. THAT'S why esposito went to the other roof. He looks stressed af there, see the way he's breathing out?

RC: Just waiting for my partner. Maybe you’ve seen her. Pretty girl, thinks she can leap tall buildings in a single bound, carries the weight of the world on her shoulders, yet still manages to laugh at some of my jokes. [xd some of my jokes] well castle did push, but he pushed esposito. always <3

girl back in s1 maybe s2 you said it took a year of therapy to get over the fact that your mom was killed & you spent your life then being normal so why can't you go back to that? CB & me: she's dead, u can't let her down I hope he doesn't turn out to be evil.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update

buckle up gang, because I've been reading a HELL of a lot since the last time we did this. let's get right into it...

what have I been reading?

The Tyrant Baru Cormorat (Seth Dickinson, 2020) - Baru Cormorant is, without a doubt, one of the finest examples of a female meow meow ever put to page. and I adore that about her. I love that she keeps getting pieces cut off of her. I love that whenever something doesn't work she goes "but I'm??? a SAVANT???" I love that every other woman who meets her decides they need to fuck or kill her or both. and you know what? I'm very happy with the ending that she got. without giving out any spoilers, I didn't think that something so satisfying for our (nominal) hero was possible in a series this bleak, and I was *breathless* watching Baru pull this final scheme together - while still leaving some loose threads to remind us that the world still has a long way to go. oh and hey - Seth Dickinson? you're the only bitch in the world who knows how to write a genuinely shocking after credits scene anymore. m*rvel needs to take notes.

Sister Outsider (Audre Lorde, 1984) - I recently sat in on a virtual lecture by the brilliant lesbian feminist philosopher Sara Ahmed talking about her recent book Complaint!, during which she recommended everyone go back and read Audre Lorde in times of difficulty. I realized I've never actually read much Lorde to begin with - I've encountered her mostly quoted in other feminist's work, in confusing references to something called "the erotic," and particularly gay poems shared here on tumblr. I've encountered a lot of selected quotes - people like to repeat (or paraphrase) her thoughts on self-care as resistance, how no one lives "single issue lives," and how the master's tools will never dismantle the master's house. for some reason (I know why) I've never seen much discussion of obvious discomfort Lorde caused among (some of) her white feminist contemporaries, and her refusal to let their dismissals of Black women go unchecked and unchallenged. her writing is glorious, clear-eyed and high-minded and filled with a very principled form of hope. it's made me want to be a be more conscientious about how I write in my journal, which I hope can be a lasting legacy.

Night Sky With Exit Wounds (Ocean Vuong, 2016) - this and several other entries on this list are actually just further tribute to Lorde, because the way she wrote about poetry in Sister Outside made me walk over to my silly little local library and scoop up three (THREE!!!) entire poetry collections. I was captivated by Vuong's debut novel On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous and found his poetry similarly... can I say gorgeous? because I want to. in my journal the words I used were "precise and precious" and "a delicate model of a life that I simply must handle with care."

No One Is Talking About This (Patricia Lockwood, 2021) - this is the second book I've read on the recommendation of booktube darling Jack Edwards, and oh BOY is it gutting. Lockwood, who you may know as the owner of beloved cat Miette, has created a DEVASTATING little piece of autofiction that plunges into the brain-addling depths of being Extremely Online before crashing hard on the rocks of all-consuming grief. Lockwood handles both with indescribable skill; I was left self-conscious about my own relationship with the internet and simultaneously sobbing. I must read everything else she's written at once.

Prelude to Bruise (Saeed Jones, 2014) - more poetry! and I really liked this one, which maybe shouldn't be surprising since I also REALLY liked Jones' memoir How We Fight For Our Lives. I've decided that jotting notes in my journal is the best way I know to explain my thoughts on poetry, so what I wrote for this one was "vibes all the way through, evocative of deep soil and emerald plants, choking growth and cold shade." Jones is well-versed in the intertwined evils of racism, homophobia, and toxic masculinity, and they haunt the collection as an endless ache from start to finish.

Bright Dead Things (Ana Limón, 2015) - I will be honest with you, friends: this was perhaps my least favorite of the three poetry collections I grabbed in my post-Lorde fugue state, which might make me a misogynist. but Limón, who grew up in California, talks with great affection about many of the things that were part of my own childhood in Montana: horse trailers and cows and dirt and weeds and the great big open sky. in "During the Impossible Age of Everyone" there's this line that goes "I’m like a fence, or a cow, or that word, yonder" that I found really stirring for reasons I can't quite place. there's also a poem called "Service" that's about pissing inside a garage because a cool dog did it first and I think more poetry should be about shit like that.

Strange Beasts of China (Yan Ge trans. by Jeremy Tiang, 2020) - this book is, as the title might suggest, strange; the beasts in question are in fact humanoid with small physical features that differentiate them from true humans while nonetheless relegating them to being treated as entirely different species who are studied like animals. there's a metaphor about tribalism or xenophobia or SOMETHING going on here, but there's also a failed student of cryptozoology having an absolutely AWFUL time that just keeps getting worse as she is hounded by memories of her mother, an abrasive former professor, her old professor's newest student, and a city filled with beasts and humans who all seem to want something from her. it's a mystery it's a psychological thriller it's a fable. you tell me.

Lesser Known Monsters of the 21st Century (Kim Fu, 2022) - absolutely fucking scrumptious. I DEVOURED this short story collection like a heart-shaped box full of chocolates, delighted even by the ones I wasn't too sure about. I ended up trying to make a list of my favorite stories and ended up jotting down almost all of them. "Pre-Simulation Consultation XF007867" is a TREMENDOUS example of how much story you can pack into nothing but dialogue between two characters. "Scissors" is an old pal of mine that was also featured in the anthology Kink, so erotic it could make you dizzy, and the story "Sandman" shows Fu flexing those same muscles in a much more fantastical manner. how did she make getting filled up with sand and put to sleep hot? idk, but I want in. "Time Cubes" is an absolute peak dystopian short, "Liddy, First to Fly" is a great instance of the monstrous female puberty trope that I simply adore, and "The Doll" is a perfect little spooky story. and the final piece, "Do You Remember Candy," was somehow the most haunting of them all, leaving me perplexed and sad in a way that I never would have expected from the premise. go read this, y'all.

We Do This 'Til We Free Us: Abolitionist Organizing and Transforming Justice (Mariame Kaba, edited by Tamara K. Nopper, 2021) - all I need to say about this, I think, is that ever since I read this I've been starting like half my sentences with "okay, so in We Do This 'Til We Free Us -" because it's just relevant to... everything? literally everything. Kaba gets it, she gets everything, and it's so inspirational to see her work collected in such a way that you can really appreciate the way she insists on organizing as a collective and communal process, always passing credit around to the younger generation and those who came before. her belief in hope as a practice moved me, her thoughts on the difference between activists and organizers were illuminating and resonant, the way she talks about restorative justice as something drawn out and demanding and hard are REAL and affirming that the work is both demanding and worth it. reading this is so revitalizing, I cannot recommend it enough.

The School for Good Mothers (Jessamine Chan, 2022) - I'll be real: I'm trying to keep up with a LOT of new releases right now, and at times it feels exhausting. but holy shit on a bike is it worth it keep up with novels like this. I don't know if School for Good Mothers will be widely classed as science fiction, but I think it is in the most affectionate sense. like an old school sci-fi story, School for Good Mothers probes existing technology for the horrific turns it could take without much pushing: after a horrific day in which stressed, depressed, and recently divorced mother Frida Liu leaves her toddler unattended for two hours, she's arrested and subjected to invasive surveillance in every corner of her home. when her behavior is deemed less than satisfactory she's sent away to the titular school, an isolating year-long program meant to "fix" mothers deemed unfit by the state. at the school, mothers who have lost custody of their human children are retrained using advanced robotic doll-children straight out of the uncanny valley - the dolls are programmed with realistic child behavior and feel real pain and fear, but are treated as objects by instructors who simultaneously scold the mothers for failing to connect with these facsimiles as they would with their actual children. but while the tech is (very slightly) exaggerated, Chan's conflict comes from very real issues. it's obvious within the narrative that the state's idea of "good" mothers excludes mothers who are poor, working class, or otherwise unable to stay home with their children all day; women who aren't straight; women who were raised in cultures that aren't American; women who are mentally ill; women who ever feel angry or lustful or tired or anything but perfectly quantifiable maternal adoration and servitude. it's noted in the narrative that most of the "bad" mothers are Black or Latina, that middle class "bad" white mothers cozy up to the guards, that Frida is the only Asian "bad" mother and is in a unique position because of it. it's a story about criminalization and self-surveillance and unwinnable systems, and it's utterly devastating. as you can probably tell by the sheer length of this segment, I loved it.

Playing the Whore: The Work of Sex Work (Melissa Gira Grant, 2014) - sometimes I like to play a little game where I imagine what I would put on a syllabus for a class on like, a college class for people who have sort of locked down feminism 101 and ready to start getting past that. some other entries, I think, would be Women, Race, and Class by Angela Davis, and Mikki Kendall's Hood Feminism, and as you've probably guessed by now, Playing the Whore is also joining the list. all the best writing on sex work comes from people who have actually done it (you should check out Revolting Prostitutes by Molly Smith and Juno Mac, btw), and Grant does a great job laying out exactly why. there are so many interesting points here about the ways in which sex workers are stripped of humanity and autonomy by anti-sex work feminists who claim to be fighting against exactly that; it's really a must-read for anyone who wants to consider themselves allied with sex workers because of how well it underlines the deeply hurtful stereotypes and projections that can infect so many conversations about sex work.

Woman, Eating (Claire Kohda, 2022) - a very millennial little vampire novel, following a biracial British woman who's trying to start an art career, gain independence from her mother, and stave off her constant cravings for human blood. you know, relatable! like any good vampire novel, there's a lot of metaphor - Lydia's "human" and "demon" sides cause her as much internal anguish as the mixed heritage of her Japanese human father half-white vampire mother - while also just very much being about a fucked up little creature of the night having a fucked up little time. it's about coming of age and finding yourself and repression and self-loathing but also wanting to bite someone's neck and drink their blood so SO bad.

I didn't do the bingo sheet this month because uuuuh I didn't want to so c'est la vie!!

[dameronology]

love in the time of PTA meetings {marcus moreno} - 1/5

summary: despite what pinterest shows, being in a parent in the twenty first century is hard; especially a single parent. your kid takes up your entire life and the idea of finding a fairy tale is laughable - that is until you finally attend a p.t.a meeting and cross paths with a certain marcus moreno.  {series masterlist}

warnings: i do not have children. i don’t know children work. this written entirely what i have seen them do in the sims 4. also, swearing. 

- jazz

Leaving work early was never a good look.

Leaving work early because your child had managed to set fire to a trash can was...well, it was something else entirely.

After rushing out of a very important meeting and parking your car in a did-you-park-it-or-crash-it manner, you were sprinting across the play ground and towards the front entrance. Having given up half way through, you’d kicked your stupidly high heels off and held them in one hand, trying to organise your slightly disheveled hair as you entered the building. Most parents might have been nervous to collect their kid after a call from the principle, but this was a regular Tuesday for you. Jack was a good kid, perhaps just a little...misguided. In your books, it was impressive that a five year old had managed to discover pyrotechnics, though you sensed the school might have been a little less lenient about it. 

‘Hey!’ You greeted the principle with a smile as you breezed through the doors. 

Jack was in a chair by the front desk, a gleeful look on his face when he saw you. As far as he knew or cared, he got to go home early and watch Paw Patrol for the rest of the day. 

‘Afternoon.’ He replied. ‘You’re lucky it was only a phone call.’

‘I know, I know.’ You grumbled. ‘I’m sorry. He’s...adventurous-’

‘ - he singed off his class mate’s eyebrows!’ The principle cut you off. ‘Given Monday’s biting incident, I see it fit that Jack take the rest of the week off.’

‘Right.’ You sighed. ‘Thank you. And sorry again.’

‘I’ll email you a list of...behavioural specialists.’ He muttered.

‘There’s nothing wrong with my kid. He’s just...curious.’ You insisted. ‘C’mon, buddy. Let’s go home.’

Jack sprung up from the chair, taking your hand in his and skipping out the door beside you. Parenting had been hard enough when you’d been married, and even harder now that his dad was out of the picture. It meant that everything fell on your shoulders; school runs, packed lunches, earning money, staying sane. You barely found the time to sleep, let alone go to soccer matches or take him to extra curricular activities. It meant that the stay-at-home mums - the ones who drove minivans and had specified walking shoes and shared memes about parenting on Facebook - muttered about you. 

I heard Jack’s mum couldn’t make it to the parent-teacher association meeting because there was a divorce hearing. 

Look at the kid’s lunch! Oh the saturated fat, the horror!

What do you MEAN your five year old isn’t vegan?!

Frankly, you wanted to whack them over the head with their own damn vision boards. So what if your kid was a little rough around the edges? He’d discovered fire today! If it had been in the stone ages, that would have been impressive. The kind of thing that would have earned him a McDonald’s, had the fast food chain been around at the dawn of time. With the way things were going, paired with the fact you knew your fridge was empty, it looked like you were heading for a Happy Meal anyway. 

‘So do I get all week off?’ Jack peered up at you, tugging on your arm.

‘Yup, all week.’ You sighed. ‘But it’s not a reward, okay? It’s...’

You stopped in your tracks when you saw Marcus Moreno’s car pull up in the lot. Naturally, it was expensive and electric and perfectly between the white lines. He gave your less-than-stellar parking a frown as he breezed by - not that you noticed. Frankly, you were too busy admiring him. You saw his face more on the news than you did in person, but he was beautiful. Talk, dark, handsome and mysterious, but also...friendly and approachable. He’d held the door open for you once two years ago and that had been it for you. There had been whispers about the fact he was a widow, though you’d tried not to pay attention to them. It wasn’t anyone’s damn business. You knew he was a good dad; you’d had the chance to meet Missy when Jack had got his head stuck between the playground fence and she’d helped pull him out. She was sweet and well-behaved and clearly well brought up. Could you say the same for your own kid? Eh, parenting was all trial and error. 

‘It’s what?’ Your son’s voice dragged you back to reality. ‘Am in trouble?’

‘What?!’ You jumped at the question. ‘No, I just...’

‘Because Principle Eikner said I’d done something bad.’

A small sigh escaped your mouth; placing his backpack on the ground, you knelt down to his height, gently placing your hands on his shoulder. ‘You haven’t done anything wrong, little man. We're just gonna take a few days out to talk about the rules and what it means to do the right thing, okay?’

‘Dad always said not to listen to the rules.’

‘Your dad said a lot of things.’ You reminded him. You stood back up, offering your hand to him. ‘Let’s go home.’

After a few minutes of bartering and the promise of a McDonald’s, you finally made your way back to the car, now with Jack attached to your back. If giving him a piggy back ride meant getting home quicker, it was a price you were willing to pay, especially since the other mums were starting to arrive to pick up their kids. The parking lot was slowly filling up with minivans - compared to your decade-old Honda Civic. It had seen better days, and one too many run ins with other cars and parking lot bollards. Still, it got the job done. 

‘Oh, I’m so glad to see you!’ You froze in your tracks again. This time, it wasn’t because of Marcus Moreno’s otherworldly presence, but rather due to the sound of the resident soccer mum. 

‘Carol.’ You turned around to face her (slowly, given the five year old on your back) with a forced smile on your face. ‘Hi.’

‘I take it you’re here for the parent-teacher’s association meeting?’ She gave you a phoney grin, handing you a leaflet. ‘I know you couldn’t make the last one, because of your...d-i-v-o-r-c-e hearings.’ 

‘I can spell!’ Jack chirped from behind you.

‘It’s okay, buddy.’ You reached up to ruffle his hair, smile not faltering. ‘But yeah, you’re right. And what about it?’

‘Nothing.’ Carol quickly shook her head. ‘So you are coming to this one? It starts in ten minutes.’

Truth be told, you’d no idea there was even a meeting tonight. You usually ignored the damn things until the news letter came out, and then you could read it from the comfort of your sofa with a glass of wine. There was nothing you stopping going tonight, aside from your intense hatred for them. 

‘I wanna get home and watch South Park!’ Jack chirped from behind you.

‘I don’t - I mean...I don’t let my five year old watch South Park.’ You said. ‘He walked in on me watching it one time and...point is, yes, I’m here for the meeting!’

‘No, you’re not-’

‘- Jack, just sssh!’ 

Carol blinked in surprise, but her phoney smile returned a moment later. ‘Excellent! I’ll see you inside.’

You inwardly groaned. Why had you just done that? You fucking despised sitting in a stuffy gym for the better part of an hour, listening to the perfect mums bang on about healthy eating and limiting their kids’ internet time. You already questioned your parenting skills as it was - the meetings only made it worst. You didn’t assimilate into that crowd; they were all married, with big houses out in the ‘burbs and bank accounts that could cover their kids ever-expanding interests and activities. Meanwhile, you were living on one wage and your two-bedroom apartment had a balcony, not a back garden. If Jack wanted to go on a field trip, you usually had to save up for months. You didn’t know if you envied the other mums’ lives, but you certainly weren’t jealous of how they viewed working mums and single parents. 

‘That lady is mean.’ Jack murmured from your shoulders.

‘Yeah buddy, I know.’ You nodded. ‘Guess we’re going back to school.’

--

Lugging the kid and his bag back up the school yard and towards the building was exhausting - at least it was your work out for the week done. By the time you’d reached the gym and placed Jack back on the ground, your shoulders were aching and you were disappointed to see that the refreshments didn’t have any alcohol. Was it too late to sneak out? The fire exit was right there and-

‘- shame this thing doesn’t have any wine, huh?’ A man was stood next to you, arms folded across his chest as he stared at the luke-warm jug of coffee on the table ahead. 

Tall, dark hair, stubble and with a faint hint of expensive aftershave you pretended not to notice? Hello, Marcus Moreno. Goodbye, ability to form coherent sentences.

You blinked in surprise. ‘Yeah. I could do with a glass. Or ten.’

‘So you hate these things too, huh?’ He smiled. 

‘With a passion.’ You returned the gesture. ‘I’m only here because Carol and her Karen Committee kept muttering about me not being at the last one.’

‘Yeah, same here. I was attending an emergency meeting about nuclear arms in Vienna, but I guess this is more important.’

‘I was...’ in court, signing documents to end my marriage, ‘otherwise occupied too.’

Marcus nodded in understanding. ‘Kids alone are a full time job, huh? ‘Specially when you’re the only one who’s running around after them.’

He knew about your situation and in return, figured that you knew about his. He’d heard the whispers about the divorce and presumed that the loss of his wife had been subject to similar gossip. The environment amongst the parents was shockingly similar to high school and things got around pretty quickly. You both hated it, especially given the nature of both your circumstances; death and separation was not something other people should have been talking about. Especially when you all you wanted to do was mind your own business and raise your damn (chaotic) kid.

‘Yeah, tell me about it.’ You replied. ‘My kid is like...a baby crackhead, as well. He’s been sent home twice this week and it’s only Wednesday.’

‘Oh, Jack’s your kid?’

You let out a groan, holding your face in your hands. ‘Yeah. Famously so, apparently.’

‘No, it’s not a bad thing!’ Marcus chuckled, pulling your hands away. ‘He played a brilliant baby Jesus in the Nativity last year.’

‘Aside from when he bit one of the three wise men, yeah.’ You could feel your cheeks heating up. ‘Missy actually helped him once. She seems really...not at all like my child. Which is good.’

‘She told me about the fence incident.’ He nodded. ‘May I ask why he was shoving his head out of the school gates?’

‘He saw an interesting looking slug.’ You replied.

Your conversation was interrupted by Carol, who had now climbed up on stage. She tapped the microphone and cleared her throat, gesturing to everyone to sit down so that the meeting could start. You wanted to curse her. Whatever giddy conversation you were having with Marcus was a thousand times more interesting than the PTA. At least you could revel in the fact he didn’t want to be here either.

‘Shall we?’ Marcus gestured to two empty seats a few rows back.

‘I mean, it’s an aisle seat, which is good for a quick escape if Jack decides to be Jack,’ you nodded in agreement. ‘Hey kid, c’mon!’

Turning away from the other kids, Jack sprinted towards you, hurling himself into your lap as he sat down. You let out an oof! and a groan. He wasn’t as light as he used to be a toddler. He stayed still for a moment, tiny hands clasping yours, before he realised who you were sat next to. The kids’ impression of Marcus was not quite the same as yours - he’d only seen him on TV, with the likes of all the heroes. You couldn’t remember their names (but in your defence, they were kind of ridiculous). 

‘Are you a superhero?’ He reached up, poking Marcus in the cheek. 

‘Jack!’ You hissed. ‘You can’t-’

‘- yeah, buddy.’ Marcus ruffled his hair. ‘But it’s my day off today, so I’m doing all this boring stuff instead.’

‘Can you fly? Do you know Miracle Guy? Have you fought aliens? Do you have a super suit? Do you know Iron Man? Wait! Can I be a superhero?!’

‘No, yes, yes, no, no and maybe when you’re older.’ He counted the questions off on his fingers. ‘But for now we have to keep quiet for the meeting. That would make you a superhero.’

--

You wanted to marry Marcus Moreno.

Seriously, you wanted to marry him.

His little comment had kept Jack quiet the entire meeting. And it was a long fucking meeting indeed. The last time he’d shut up for that long was...probably before he learnt to talk. You loved he was full of curiosity and questions, but he didn’t always understand that there was a time and a place. At least now you knew what would shut him up. 

‘How does Miracle Guy fly? Is Batman real? Are you rich? Do you know Wonder Woman? How does her lasso of truth work?’

‘Jack.’ You groaned. 

You were walking out of the school now and down towards the car park. Missy was in tow, tapping away on her phone, whilst Jack trotted alongside you and Marcus. He’d been spewing questions at the poor man pretty much since the meeting had ended - and yet, he seemed happy to answer them. Excited, even. It was clear that he loved his job.

‘You gotta give Mr Moreno a break, little man.’ You said.

‘Hey, just Marcus is fine.’ He replied. 

‘Hey Just Marcus, I’m dad.’ Missy chimed from beside you, not even looking up from her phone. It was...impressive, actually.

‘I already regret buying her that.’ Marcus murmured. 

The two of you eventually reached your cars. The Civic was still terribly parked across two spaces - you were a good driver, you’d just been in a rush. The dents and scrapes all over the doors and bumper implied other wise but hey, we move. You had a thousand and one other things to save up before a new car. Putting down the deposit on a house - one you could actually own, maybe a little further out from the city - was your number one concern. Paying off your divorce attorney came after that. 

‘It was nice to meet you properly.’ You pulled your keys out your back, tugging four empty packets of crisps and three bags of gummy worms with it. 

‘I’m not done asking questions-’

‘- you gotta let Marcus go, JJ.’ You peered down at Jack. ‘Sorry. He’s a little obsessed with the Heroics, but I guess you’ve worked that one out.’

‘Can I visit your base?’ He continued, ignoring you. 

Marcus knelt down to his height, a grin on his face. ‘I’ve got a free window tomorrow afternoon. You wanna come by? Your mum tells me you’re off school for the rest of the week.’ 

‘Really?’ You blinked in surprise. ‘I mean, I’m sure he would love that but I’m at work and he’s gotta go to my mum’s.’

Your mother also doubled up as your baby-sitter. In an ideal world, you would have been able to afford a professional, but this was very much the opposite of an ideal world. It was the real world, and you were constantly juggling a thousand things at once. Never in a million years would you have changed it but there were days when you wanted to cry. When it was 9PM and Jack suddenly chimed in that he had a science project due the next day, or when he refused to eat his dinner because his chicken nuggets weren’t shaped like dinosaurs and fed them to the dog. 

Marcus looked, on the surface at least, like he had his shit together. He worked in a public facing job and he always looked put together. His car wasn’t covered in bumps and bruises and the inside probably wasn’t covered in yoghurt like yours. He seemed as though he got more than five hours sleep a night and his child was well-behaved. 

‘I’m sure we can work something out.’ He said. ‘If you give me your number, I’ll give you a call.’

‘Uh, yeah! Of course.’ He’d asked for your number. No big deal. 

You switched phones - naturally, his was much more high-tech than yours - and entered in your respective numbers. The whole thing made you admire Marcus even more; he didn’t have to have your tyrannical son over to his office, yet he offered to. He’d clearly seen how excited he’d gotten and it seemed like he’d found it endearing. 

‘Are you okay?’ Marcus asked quietly, suddenly putting his hand on your shoulder. ‘You suddenly zoned out.’

‘Yeah, sorry.’ You rubbed your eyes. ‘I got about three hours sleep last night. I would blame it on the terrible twos but I guess it’s the...fucking awful fives?’

He quickly turned his attention to Jack, opening the car door for him. ‘You wanna hop in? I’m just gonna talk to your mom about you visiting, yeah?’

'There’s Cheetos in the centre console!’ You called after him.

Once Marcus had shut the door, he turned around to face you. There was silence for a minute, and he just kind of...stared at you. You couldn’t read his expression or quite figure it out, but he had an eyebrow quirked and a look of...concern? Sympathy?

‘I recognise that look. It’s the help! I’m suddenly a single parent to a five year old and it feels like the world is eating me alive look.’ He said. ‘It’s the exact same one I had six years ago. Missy was about Jack’s age when...when it became just me and her.’

You softly smiled. ‘It’s not been easy.’

‘You’re doing a good job, okay?’ He gave your shoulder a light squeeze. ‘And if you ever need him off your hands for a few hours, I’ll gladly give him a tour of our headquarters.’

‘Thank you. So much, for both of those things.’ Your eyes fell to the ground. ‘It’s a refreshing change from Carol and her Pinterest boards and half-assed invitations to potlucks.’

‘God, I can’t stand all that.’ Marcus chuckled. 

‘I gotta get back now because I can see that Jack is about smush Cheetos over my break pedals but I’ll...’ you trailed off, forcing yourself to look at him and smile. ‘I’ll call you.’

‘I look forward to it.’ 

[yannowhatigiveup]

My One And Only - Chapter 9

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So this chapter is longer than chapter 8 and I think from next chapter, they got longer. As we get closer to the chapter I’m currently writing, the frequent updates will unfortunately die. Just letting you know so you won’t be too disappointed! Oh and my Wattpad name is the same, ‘yannowhatigiveup’. If you know any way I can improve my writing please do tell me!

Gabriel Agreste stood in his observatory after recently detransforming. 'She can control her emotions well but when she's angry, it's incredibly strong. This girl could be one of the strongest in Paris, she could be one that senses auras. I must find a way. I will use her to eliminate all of heroes. All I need is time'.

————————————————————

The bluenette sat in her uncle Jagged's hotel room, tapping a pen against her lips while watching the conversation, well it was more like an argument, between Jagged and his manager Bob Roth. Bob was stating that they should leave the song writing to the professionals while Jagged protested, saying that his niece was overflowing with talent and that she could do it no problem. Penny was on the phone with someone but Marinette didn't eavesdrop in her conversation. She stated at the blank notebook in front of her, eyeing it suspiciously. Then she got an idea and began scribbling down the lyrics she had in mind, not knowing that she had unintentionally gained the attention of everyone in the room. She managed to write the whole song in one sitting which was very impressive even for professional song writers at the time. "Did it" she said putting the pen down. Penny then came over to take the notebook and read what the bluenette had written. 'I hope it's ok'

"Wow Mari, this is great!" Penny said her mouth agape. She passed it to Jagged but Bob had snatched it out of his hands, only to give it back when Fang looked at him hungrily.

"Yeah, this is rock'n roll Nettie!" He praised her while giving his manager a 'I told you so' look.

"Yes this is exactly what we needed, a little change in the album. Thank you for this Marinette. We shall produce the song while you can sing the lyrics-"

"If that's alright will you of course" Jagged said, interrupting his manager.

Marinette nodded hesitantly. "I can give it a shot" she murmured.

Marinette walked home after visiting Jagged and showing Damian the designs she had in plan for his brothers, without showing the design she made for him. She was careful not to shake her purse too much as Tikki was sleeping, it was a busy day for the kwami as Marinette had let her go visit Plagg for some 'Kwami business'. Marinette didn't press for answers though. Soon she entered her parents bakery to find them already there, waiting for her.

"Maman, Papa what is it?" She asked.

"Your father and I are discussing if we should open a second bakery" Sabine answered enthusiastically.

"There's a few spots available in Marseille, we already booked a flight and a hotel to stay at" Tom answered, maybe even more excited than his wife.

"That's great! But isn't Marseille far away? It's closer to Italy than Paris" Marinette answered.

"Well surprisingly, we're already well known there" Tom replied.

"Oh cool! When will you be leaving?"

"On Saturday at 2 am" Her mother replied. "It's late but it was the next available flight. We'll be gone for a week maybe longer depending on all the paper work"

"Well you better start packing then!" Marinette said happy for both her parents. "I'll be going to bed now. Good night!" She hugged both her parents before going upstairs to change and finishing up her designs.

~~~

Adrien sat in front of his computer early before school, looking through all of Kagami's recent posts and he liked the photo that she posted yesterday, the photo was of when they went for ice cream earlier today. Alya and Nino were also in the picture, smiling for the camera but Adrien noticed someone else in the background. 'Marinette...' She was eating her ice cream, unbeknownst to the picture being taken, with the spoon still in her mouth. Adrien felt distracted by the way the sun reflected off her hair. He loved Kagami truly but his new love for Marinette shadowed it. "Plagg" Adrien said. "I think I have a thing for bluenettes".

"So your type is blue-haired girls? What makes you say that?" The kwami replied, not really enjoying the conversation.

"Well I like Ladybug, Kagami and Marinette and they all have one thing in common. They all have blue hair" Adrien sighed. "The last thing I need is another blue-haired girl to come into my life"

"Ughhh this is too cheesy, I much prefer actual cheese" Plagg groaned while looking around for Camembert.

Adrien sighed, smiling while going back to think of the girls he liked. He liked Ladybug for her quick, sly and smart nature. Kagami was incredibly skilled and very easy to relate to. And Marinette had a kind personality as well as unmatchable beauty. He couldn't decide which one he liked most as all the options were as great as the others. Then a notification on his computer distracted him from his thoughts. It was a notification that Jagged Stone had posted something. 'Huh, I wonder what it could be'

~~~

Jason was flicking through the channels on the TV, looking for something interesting to watch when a notification appeared on his phone. 'What's this?' He then realised that it was a trending post from Jagged Stone and went to view it. "HOLY SH-"

"Master Jason, language"Alfred reminded him.

"Oh yeah sorry" he whispered before shouting again. "HOLY MOTHER OF UM SOMETHING!"

Dick and Tim then entered the room, wondering what Jason was talking about. "What?" Dick asked.

Jason then connected his phone to the TV and showed the post he was talking about.

@official_jaggedstone

(Photo of a blue-haired girl with a medium long braid and her back facing the camera, writing on something)

Wonder what MDC is writing up for the bonus track? 🤔🤔🤔🤔

All three of the boys then fanboyed over finally being able to see what their favourite designer, and idol, looked like. Alfred then sighed while exiting the room.

"She's pretty!"

"She looks smart!"

"What's she writing?"

"I'm gonna call Damian, that room looks similar to the room he's staying in"

"Yes do, I want to pester him"

Dick then dialed a number on his phone. After a few rings, the phone finally answered.

"Tt, Yes?" A stern voice came through on the other side.

"HAVE YOU SEEN JAGGED'S RECENT POST!?" Tim shouted into the microphone.

~~~

Damian had already seen Jagged's post, he smiled to himself. He was about to go back to reading his book when his phone rang. He would've picked it up straight away if he hadn't see the name, it was Dick. He let the phone ring for a little while before answering.

"Tt, Yes?" He said in a stern voice.

"HAVE YOU SEEN JAGGED'S RECENT POST!?" Luckily Damian had the phone further away from his ear otherwise Tim would've exploded his eardrums.

"What about it?"

"He posted an image of MDC, the very first one ever on the internet!" Dick answered excitedly. "There aren't any pictures of her anywhere".

Damian smiled to himself knowing that he had seen MDC before his brothers, he had seen her smile. "There aren't?"

"Yeah! Weird right? She doesn't even show up to Jagged's live performances!" It was Jason's turn to speak now.

"Well I'm sure she goes to the performances, she's just never seen" Tim told his brother in a matter-of-fact way.

Damian rolled his eyes. "Tt, bye now" he said, immediately turning his phone off not allowing any of his brothers to protest. He then texted Marinette.

Me: Just got off the phone with my brothers, they were fanboying over you.

Surprisingly Marinette replied straight away.

Angel: They are too? Everyone is fangirling over MDC

Me: Because of Jagged's post, he posted a picture of you. The back of your head specifically

Angel: Oh hah I see it now, I guess that has to be my signature hairstyle as MDC now.

Me: It looks great on you though

Angel: You really think so?

Me: Mhm

Angel: Aw, thanks

~~~

Marinette had blushed when Damian said she looked good in that hairstyle. She really liked him. Then Marinette looked at the time, she was early for once. She decided to make use of this and get ready for school. She had finished getting ready quickly and she was able to walk instead of run to school like she usually did. When she entered, she noticed that there was barely anyone here. 'Perfect! I can work on my designs' that was until a familiar face showed up.

"Hey girl! You're here early wow!" The sound of her best friend made Marinette laugh until her facial expression changed from surprised to smug. Marinette was about to ask but Alya had brought her to the locker room where they were alone. "So girl, spill"

"What?"

"Do you like Chat Noir?"

Marinette giggled but she saw her best friend's face. "Oh you're not joking"

"Nope, now you can tell me so that I can get you both on a date." She blushed profusely. "And I ain't backing down, I've spent too much time on trying to find out who he is. Don't think I haven't noticed how you're jumping at anytime to be with this boy." She said the last statement with a soft voice.

Marinette sighed, grateful of her best friend but hesitant to tell her without Damian's permission as he never seemed like one for social interaction. "I'll ask" she said while taking her phone out.

Me: Shaytan, my best friend found out that I've been sneaking off to go see you.

Shaytan: Césaire?

Me: Yeah

Shaytan: You said she wanted to be a reporter right? Well then I guess this is expected, she did a good job.

Me: So should I tell her your name?

Shaytan: That's up to you

Me: Ok thanks!

Marinette put her phone away and looked at her best friend.

"So?" Alya asked. "Can you tell me?"

Marinette nodded. "So um, his name is D-Damian"

———

Taglist: @little-bluestar, @miracleofadisaster, @frieddonutsweets, @jjmjjktth, @genderfluidmoma, @starlit-dreaming, @icerosecrystal

[moonflower-31]

I Won't Forget You - Spencer Reid x Reader

(This is gonna be a series, so keep an eye out for this one if you like it.)

Summary: So imagine you're in the CM universe if you will. And you're just graduating from the academy. You're looking to join the BAU. You have hyperthymesia, the ability to never forget anything. Except for rare occasions. After the final exam, you run into one Dr. Spencer Reid. Eventually, you get accepted to shadow the BAU on a trial run as an agent. But you have a past that may endanger those you work with. Also, you love Spencer. Cause who doesn't?

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female Reader (this makes sense only for storyline, sorry 😞)

Masterlist

Please leave comments! I love reading them ❤ 💕

~~~~~~~~

Nervous. So dreadfully nervous you were and am. But here we are. No turning back now. 

"Hello, cadets. And welcome to your final exam for your graduation. We hope all of you do well. The FBI, as you know, has many branches. 56, to be exact. We hope that for those of you who pass, that you'll find your calling in one of our offices. For those of you who don't, don't fret. We always allow you to retake the last semester and the exams. The FBI is in desperate need of new agents." The speaker in front of me is seriously loud. Though you don't dare speak up about it. 

Associate Deputy Director Gail Franklin spoke with such elegance. She obviously has had practice, you think to yourself as you watch the grey-haired woman speak atop the raised portion of the testing room. You couldn't count how many people even if you tried. And you don't forget anything. 

"Psst!" 

You groan quietly and try to ignore your idiot but golden-hearted friend who couldn't sit still. 

"Psst! (Y/N)!"  

You ignore him again, focusing on Franklin's closing commentary.  

"I wish you all good luck. Please refrain from beginning your exam until all test-takers have received their tests. Thank you." She then proceeded to turn and begin her trek out of the room, the click of her heels being the only reminder she was even here. 

"Psst-! Come on, (Y/N/N)!" 

You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose. Finally, you turn your head and give your dear friend a very annoyed look. "What is it, Gabe? Like seriously, you couldn't sit still through one teansy tiny lecture? From the ADD herself?" You tease, pulling out a #2 pencil from your bag. Sure, most everyone will be using pens, but you remembered that the test scanners prefered graphite.

Gabriel whined teasingly at your jap. "No fair, (Y/N/N)! I just wanted to talk to one of my best friends. That too much to ask?" He sassily remarks, flipping his floppy golden-brown hair. 

You rolled your eyes and couldn't help but feel a smile form on your face. You loved him like a brother. But that also meant he annoyed you like one too. 

"You couldn't have waited till she was done?" You couldn't help but question him further. It was one of his weaker points. Under pressure, he tended to get uncomfortable. 

"Nope." Popping the 'p' he blew a kiss at you. "Anyway, how prepared do you think you are for this test? I almost made it an all-nighter trying to cram everything in again. Fuck me and my terrible memory." You grinned and giggled under your hand. 

"Gabriel, I told you, if you ever needed help studying I would be there. You're gonna do fine." 

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Easy for you to say. You didn't even have to study with that god-given gift of a memory you got." 

You bite the inside of your cheek, faking a slight chuckle. Everyone thought remembering everything was a superpower. Sure, if you call superpowered headaches and occasional dizzy spells a super-side-effect. 

So, yes, you had the 'gift' of having hyperthymesia. The disorder where you never forgot anything. Of course, there were a few rare occasions, like you could only remember a handful of memories from before you were four. But other than that, you had nothing from your earliest childhood. It made you feel semi-normal. 

"It isn't a gift, Gabe. It's only a gift in the academic field. And I'm lucky to have a 'genius' IQ." You huffed in response to Gabriel's little comment. 

"Yeah yeah, but you have a filing cabinet for a memory. So why study? You have it all up there." He asks, taking the test packet from the assistant that had finally made it to him. 

"Studying, as a science, is a great way to improve your memory, quicken your speed of processing data and important information, and you stretch your mind's capacity for learning. Also it helps me understand a topic better. Just like anyone else." 

You take the packet from the assistant and widen your eyes slightly at the size. It was massive. At least the size of your tiniest textbook. You could almost hear Gabriel whimper next to you as he saw how big the packet was. At least you all had three and a half hours. And it wasn't required to get through all of them. Just try to do your best on the written response ones.

You turn to Gabriel and hold out your fist. "Good luck." 

Gabriel sighed and gave you a smile before pumping his fist gently against yours. Soon after he made a dramatic explosion noise that only you could hear. You roll your eyes and shake your head again, turning your full attention finally to the large test in front of you. 

Here goes nothing, you tell yourself. 

○●♡●○  

Remarkably, you think you did okay. Of course, you finished the test in the first hour and a half, but who's counting? Certainly not you. 

You rub your aching wrists from so much essay work as you exit the testing room. Even with an unbeatable memory like yours, your hands were still human. So they hurt like a bitch. 

You sigh and take a quick seat on the bench outside the room, probably sticking out like a sore thumb in a crowd of other cadets who weren't in your graduating class. But you tried not to pay it any mind. You were used to being the 'odd man out'. 

You check your phone and smile down at the message your other friend, Iris, had sent you. She wasn't testing for the FBI like you and Gabe. No she was a barista with some mean skills at mixing new drinks. She wanted to open her own cafe and Gabriel and you wanted to support her. She'd been there for you every second of the last five years. You owed her at least a little thanks. 

When you look up, you couldn't help but notice a tall, lanky looking man with long, curly hair walking towards you as he looked for…something. You couldn't tell. Probably a map. He had a gun holstered on the side of his belt along with a blurry ID you couldn't read from so far away. But it looked like it said FBI. 

You stifled a soft snicker. This guy could say he was a teacher's assistant and if he didn't have the gun on him, you would've believed him. 

And that's when you caught his eye and instantly you recognized who this lost puppy was. More specifically, who he belonged to. 

"Hi, uh I'm Dr. Spe-" he began, looking a bit nervous as he began to introduce himself. 

"Dr. Spencer Reid. From the Behavioral Analysis Unit. I've heard of you." You accidentally interrupt. "Sorry. I don't forget names easily. I don't forget them ever, really." 

Nervously, you rub your hand on your neck, waiting for his response. And surprisingly, it wasn't one you expected. 

Spencer widened his eyes a bit in wonder that someone knew of him that he hadn't met before on a case. And she knew which branch he worked in. He blushed a bit, growing a tad tongue tied. 

"S-sorry, I'm Cadet (L/N)." 

Spencer raised an eyebrow. He wondered why you didn't give him your first name. But he didn't pry. It was your personal business. And besides, it wasn't like he needed to know your first name. 

"U-uh yeah, actually. I-I wanted to ask you if you knew where I could get a glimpse of a map. Just so I can find my way around. I'm here for a 'lecture' that I'm helping give the graduating class of FBI agents." He couldn't help but brag a tiny bit. "It doesn't start for another 3 hours, but I like to be prepared." 

You smiled up at this tall nerd. And an incredibly cute one at that. He was so out of place you sympathized with him. He was basically you. In like, every academic scene you've ever been in. 

"Understandable. I'll be seeing you there hopefully. I'm a part of that class." You grinned. "But yeah, here's the map," you say, pulling up a digital map on your phone. Spencer leaned over your shoulder and looked it over. You couldn't help but shiver slightly at the sound of his breathing so close to your ear. It felt eerily calming. 

"Really?" He asked after he pulled away from your shoulder. "T-thank you for the map, by the way." He adds last-minute. You giggle gently and nod. 

"Yep. The test only started an hour and about 45 minutes ago, so I gotta wait a little while." Groaning playfully you shrug at him, crossing your arms to get more comfortable. You wouldn't lie, he was seriously cute. Of course, you'd seen him before on your secret internet dives. But in-person was so much better than sitting behind a screen gawking over a photo. An ID photo no less. 

"You already finished?" 

There it was. The immediate doubt of your intelligence everyone had when you accidentally showed your smarts. You sighed. "Yeah. Kinda hard not to with an IQ of 167 and a memory that pretty much never fails." You shrugged nervously, looking away as you braced yourself for his incoming doubt. 

"Oh. Hyperthymesia, right?" He inquires. You blink a few times and look at him like he just said something so foreign you didn't know how to respond. 

"U-uh...y-yeah. It's rare, but I got it. How'd you know?" 

"It was more of an educated guess. See, you bite the inside of your cheek when you're nervous," he points out. You in fact, were biting your cheek as he spoke. "And you seem unintimidated by me despite knowing of my position. You only grew nervous when I mentioned anything academic. Which proves to me you're used to being the smartest kid in the room. And having to explain why every time." He finishes, leaving you a gigantic puddle of impressed and embarrassed that he had profiled all of that from only a few minutes from conversation. 

"Geez, didn't expect to get profiled today. You're really good at it, you know. Well, I mean you would be. 'Cause you w-work for the BAU." You begin to ramble, groaning internally for suddenly turning into an awkward blob in front of this professional. 

Spencer smiled a bit wider and let out a soft laugh. "So, y-you want to work for the BAU?" 

You look at him puzzled for a moment before you remember that he'd been profiling you for the past five or so minutes. "Right, profiler…" you mutter. "Y-yeah. It's kinda been a dream of mine for years. Police officer never really appealed to me. I wanted to get into the real deal. Catch the hard criminals. Give myself a challenge, you know?" You rattle off, realizing just how comfortable you'd grown to Spencer in the short conversation you've had. 

Spencer nodded. "It was always a dream of mine as well. I was kinda groomed for it." He admitted. "S-so… any jitters at all? Did you know that t-the common feeling of nervousness or 'butterflies' is actually caused by the reduced blood flow to the abdomen. Your stomach's sensory nerves sense the lack of oxygen and blood and it produces the fluttery feeling you get before a test or before a big performance." 

You smile brighter. "Really? I never thought of that. I always just thought it was a signal your brain sent or something. That's interesting. I'm kinda glad I won't forget that." 

Spencer felt his surprise increase again. You hadn't cut him off. There was no 'Sorry I asked' or awkward asking if he always did this. You actually listened. And you wanted to hear more! He didn't think he'd ever find someone willing to listen. 

"H-heh…" Spencer chuckled. "W-well did you know that most people will forget 50 percent of the information you've been taught in one hour will be forgotten? A-and in 24 hours more than 75% of the information is gone. That's why studying is so important. It helps retain that information so it doesn't 'slip' as easily." He begins to rattle off again, quite glad he found someone who actually wanted to hear his statistics. It was a good cover for his nervousness about talking to this incredibly gorgeous woman. 

You tilt your head in interest, laughing gently. "That's what I keep saying! Yet everyone always asks 'Why study if you remember everything?'" You exclaim, making a whiny voice expression for the impression of absolutely every bully you'd had ever. 

A darker skinned man, who was much more gifted physically walked over as you and Spencer continued your conversation. He wrapped an arm around Spencer teasingly and nodded to you. 

"Hope this pretty boy ain't bothering you baby girl." He greets. "He's great once you get to know him." 

Spencer just looks annoyed at this man's sudden presence. "Seriously, Morgan? We were actually having a conversation before you butted in." He grumbled annoyedly. Then you remember the face. This was SSA Derek Morgan. You'd seen him in some pictures with Spencer. He wasn't too bad looking. In fact, you knew Iris would climb him faster than a squirrel did a tree. But Spencer was a bit more your type. 

Morgan raised an eyebrow and smirked at you. "Oh really? So now pretty boy's talking to girls?" He teases, letting Spencer free from his suffocating hold. He then extends a hand out to me. "Derek-" he started. 

"Derek Morgan. SSA from the BAU. Yeah, I know about you." You grinned. He looked you up and down a bit in the same interest that Spencer had. That soon was replaced by a confident smile. 

"So you know of me." He said in a clearly flirtatious tone. "Don't tell me you've been searching up my pictures in your freetime, babygirl." He flirts. 

You roll your eyes and take his hand, shaking it firmly. "No, I haven't. Though I have heard of you from my classes. But if I'm honest?" You begin. "I'm really wishing I could forget that comment." You sassily respond. He laughed. 

"No one ever forgets, Babygirl." He grinned. 

Spencer sighed and turned to Morgan in annoyance. "Morgan." He deadpanned. You looked towards him and giggled a little. It was clear Spencer had wanted to talk to only you. Maybe it was something to do with the statistics. You had a feeling that he felt he was finally being listened to. 

"What? I'm just introducing myself to one of the new cadets." He insists, raising two hands up in defeat. 

"Did you just profile me without my permission?" You ask him with fake offense. He laughed. 

"Did I need to ask, sweetheart?" He asks. You chuckle. 

"Guess not." You shrug. 

"What's your name, beautiful? A pretty face has got to have a pretty name." He flirted. 

"I'm Cadet (L/N)."

Morgan raised an eyebrow, fully ready to ask why the hold-up on your first name when Spencer thankfully saved you an explanation. 

"She didn't share it with me either. Probably a mode of trust." He explains. Morgan shrugged. 

"I'll find out eventually. You'll give it away." He insists. 

"Uh huh, sure I will." You tease. 

"Reid, Morgan, we need to prepare." You hear a third voice call the two men away from you. You stand a bit on your tiptoes to get a good look at who it was that was speaking. 

Aaron Hotchner walked towards the three of you almost with a purpose. So much confidence in one man. 

"Who is this?" He asked. 

"I'm Cadet (L/N), Agent Hotchner. It's a pleasure to meet you." You greet, holding out a hand to him. Hotch raised an eyebrow at you in interest before shaking your hand in earnest. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you as well. I've heard of your excellent grades and work in your studies. I hope to see you among the enlistees requesting the BAU." He greets, letting his hand fall back to his side. 

"That's the plan, Agent Hotchner." You chip pleasantly. Morgan seems genuinely surprised.  

"Wait, you're interested in the BAU? Profile me." He insisted. You blush from the sudden spotlight. 

"W-what?" You ask. 

"Morgan, that's enough." Hotch warns. 

"Leave her alone, Morgan." Spencer expressed. 

"No, it's fine." You assure. "Well, from the looks of your attire compared to your colleagues, I'd say you hate wearing formal clothing. Prefer to be comfortable. Your consistent flirty personality is mostly a show, as you wouldn't really flirt with someone you just met the way you flirted with me. So you either have someone in mind, or have a partner at home. And besides that, the way you greeted Dr. Reid proves you think of him as a younger brother, and you treat him like the brother you never had." You finished, a pleading voice in the back of your head screaming at you in hopes that you hadn't gone too far. 

Instead of being offended, Morgan began to smile and grinned, clearly impressed. "She's actually pretty good." He comments to Hotch, glancing to Spencer and then back to you. "You'd make a good profiler." He compliments. You smile happily and full of relief at him. 

"I sure hope so. Anyway, you should probably get going to the auditorium. The mics are a pain to tune and figure out, so I'd get it done now." You giggle slightly. 

Spencer nodded and smiled at you. "T-thank you, again. Cadet (L/N)." 

You couldn't help but blush a tad as he said your title. "Of course, Dr. Reid. Anytime you need directions." You tease. 

Morgan raised an eyebrow. "What about me?" He teased back. You mock think about it for a moment before you reply. 

"Sorry, I think you can figure it out, pretty boy." You joke, winking at him. He smiled brightly at your sass, chuckling a bit. 

Hotch then got your attention very easily. "It was a pleasure to meet you again, (L/N)." 

"You too. Good luck on the lecture." You bid them all fair well and turn around to take your seat again. 

"Ooh, somebody's in looove~!" You hear Gabriel sing in a sing-song voice. You chuckle and shake your head. 

"I am not in love, Gabriel. You just started eying the pretty boy I was talking to. You know, handsome black guy?" You tease. 

"Hmm, yeah, probably. But seriously. I saw you looking at that other kid, the professor's-aide-looking guy, like he was a mountain of sugar. And I know sugar." He teased, sipping a coke he had obviously bought after the test. 

"Oh shut up. Have you heard from Iris yet?" You ask. 

"Nope. She's probably busy over at The Bean. We should go visit. Tell her about your rendezvous with Mr. Teacher's aid." Gabriel snickered. 

"No, we are not telling Iris anything. You know how she gets. She gets all protective, and then nobody wants to go out with me cause they're all scared of her." You groan, stealing his coke for a moment. 

Gabriel smirks at you. "So you admit that you like him?" He teases. You immediately realize your mistake and groan, covering your reddening face. 

Gabriel chuckled and wrapped an arm around your shoulder. "Come on, sugar-tits. Let's get out of here for a lil' bit. Come back for that 'lecture' in like an hour." He teased. You bring your hands away from your face and sigh. 

Did you really like him? Maybe. It was probably just an internet crush. Nothing more. It wasn't like it could get worse. 

[nobodyfamousposts]

Mominette AU: The Superhero Ban

TRIGGER WARNING!

TRIGGER WARNING!

TRIGGER WARNING!

___________________________________________

It was an indisputable fact that Paris had been the first city to institute the infamous “Supers Ban”. The Justice League knew it. Heroes knew it. Villains knew it. The whole world knew it.

What nobody knew was “why”.

Sure, there had been comments in political circles. Some minor news outlets had mentioned Paris as the latest place where the idea was being considered. But nobody had thought they were serious.

Not until it had been made into law and the Mayor of Paris held a press conference to announce it.

Those who didn’t take it seriously certainly did when Superman himself attempted to go to the Mayor to discuss the matter. And was promptly arrested the instant he set foot in the city.

Outrage was immediate. Cries of discrimination rang out across the world and even at the UN. Various politicians decried the act. Many celebrities admonished it. A good number of people threatened to boycott Paris (which turned out to be for the best as far as Andre and most of Paris was concerned, given that a decrease in tourism meant less people for Hawk Moth to target or the heroes to have to pull out of the fray due to gawking).

Yet a year passed and the ban remained. Even the League would not cross it. Eventually, it just became an accepted fact of the world. Everyone knew to stay out of Paris.

And yet it was still unknown as to why.

Well, people suspected, of course. There were other things happening around the time that seemed to be involved.

It possibly started with the 12 hour timeframe where all of Paris had been closed off. Its citizens had been forced to evacuate. All communication lines were down, and no one from outside of the city had been able to contact anyone from within it. It was news stations in nearby cities that picked up on the fighting and tried to report it, but only several hours after it had started and they seemed to play it off as some sort of freak lighting storm.

Afterwards, things had been strange, but also easily overlooked. The Ladyblogger had gone dark for a several day period. Similarly, the regular correspondent for Paris News, Nadja Chamack had taken a leave of absence. Resident hero Chat Noir had suddenly gotten involved in matters with City Hall, resulting in talk of the hero going into a career in politics. “Chat Noir for President” became a short-lived meme.

It all appeared to come down to a specific “incident”. An akuma fight worse than any other before it. But no one would speak of it. And no information about it was available.

Except for one thing.

There were reports of the existence of video footage of the fight. The Ladyblog had supposedly crashed during a livestream of the mess due to the number of people watching it. Plenty of news reports during that time referenced it. It was rumored to have been played before the city council, resulting in unanimous support of the ban. But what was on the video remained a mystery and any remnant of the video itself couldn’t be found.

Which shouldn’t be possible with the internet. Conspiracy theories abound on the matter—some saying there was no footage in the first place and others saying it was so horrible as to have been erased by time traveling aliens.

In truth, it was the work of a hacker. One of considerable skill to wipe out any trace of this video and not be discovered. There were people willing to pay millions just for a segment of the footage. Plenty of hackers across the world had tested their skills to find even a trace of the original video to no avail.

These other hackers were not Robin.

“I got the footage.” He announced as he held up the USB drive.

Superbly started in surprise, staring at the item in the Boy Wonder’s hand. “This is it?”

“Supposedly.” Robin replied with a shrug.

The Holy Grail of hidden data. A hacker’s ultimate prize. Every journalist and tabloid reporter’s wet dream.

“I haven’t watched it myself,” as he felt it wasn’t his right to intrude on this when it was an issue of his friend’s family, “so I don’t know what’s on there. But whatever’s in this, it’s safe to say it isn’t going to be pretty.”

That was putting it lightly. The video had been so deeply hidden that it was its own urban legend at this point. The incident it showed was bad enough to not only warrant it being hidden from the world, but to set off the “Paris Supers Ban” and arrest of Superman.

The death of a hero was always big news. Even if it’s only barely avoided.

The fact that anyone could HIDE it spoke volumes. Both in regards to the original censor’s ability as well as the importance of the data itself.

Conner nodded, resolute.

“I need to know.”

Robin handed over the device. He probably should have taken it to Batman…probably. But this was Conner’s case. His family. It was his right to decide what to do with the information.

Ladybug and Chat Noir were…accepting of Conner to say the least. They allowed him to enter Paris despite the ban. They let him help. They were kind and accommodating and quite frankly everything that Conner needed.

But…they weren’t exactly open. Not about certain things.

This was one of those things, and Conner had been wanting answers about the “Incident” that cut Paris off from the Superhero world. What made them finally say “enough”? He would ask, but nobody knew. The few who did know refused to speak of it.

Conner wanted to know why. What had they experienced that was so horrible?

Maybe it was a way of feeling closer to them?

Maybe it was a way to understand them better?

Maybe it was just wanting to see the harder things they had faced?

“We’ll be right here with you, Conner.” Wally reassured him when his hands started to shake.

“Remember, you’ll have full access of the gym and training grounds, but you won’t be allowed to leave the Mountain for 24 hours after this.” Kaldur gently stated. Partly to remind Conner of the agreement, lest he attempt to run off to Paris in anger or fear and risk an akuma. Partly to subtly prompt everyone else to ensure that Conner does not accomplish the former.

Still…the choice was already clear.

Conner put the drive into the computer and pressed play.

The video only lasted a few minutes.

A few minutes was more than enough.

_______________________

“Oh…oh my god.” Came the words of the person recording, her voice as shaky as her hands that held the camera.

The damage was…extensive. Rubble, broken glass, and downed buildings littered the background. There was a sad mix of gray and brown as far as the eye could see. Of the destroyed roads and pavement. Of steel beams littering the ground. Of rock and dirt and what may very well have been ash.

Amidst the ruined landscape, there was one spot of color. A bright red standing out amidst the muted neutral around her. Normally a source of bravery and inspiration, it took a few seconds for the camera to get her properly in focus, and a few more for it to register that there was significantly more red in the scene than there should have been.

Ladybug wasn’t standing so much as she was leaning backwards in a half-upright position. Forced to stay on her legs despite her clear lack of strength. The only thing holding her up were the very things responsible for her current state…three steel spikes that extended from the ground beneath her.

They were exiting her torso. One piercing the upper left part of her body, right close to her shoulder. One through her naval. And the third on the right side, for all purposes appearing to have hit a lung.

She was breathing, though it was clearly labored. She was constantly torn between some variation of taking a gasping breath in and crying it out. Her suit could protect her—it was supposed to protect her from anything, but even this was too much.

It was clear she couldn’t move. She had to remain there, impaled on steel. Both to limit her injuries as much as possible and just due to inability from the sheer pain she was in.

The camera was focused on her, though it was shaky at best. The person recording it could be heard muttering unintelligibly with some mention of a hospital and frequent repetition of “oh god” thrown in. Some noise could be heard in the background of someone sounding quite ill, which was understandable given the sight of their hero impaled and choking on her own blood.

Within a minute of the video starting, the crunching sound of boots running on glass and stones could be heard coming closer. The sound of panting grew louder as Chat Noir cleared a hill and entered into view, rushing and stumbling towards Ladybug while holding something in front of him.

The camera zoomed on him, bringing him into focus as he cleared the last hurdle.

“I’ve got it!” Chat exclaimed, racing back to her side with her yoyo in hand. “I’ve got it! It’s okay. It’s over. It’s over now. It’s finished. He’s done.”

“Sh…Ch…” Her head hung limply and her eyes were barely able to focus on him as he tried to get her to look at him without moving her too much.

“It—It’s okay! It’s going to be okay!” He whispered to her, so softly that the camera barely caught it. He was clearly panicked and trying desperately not to let it show. “We just need the Cure. If you cast the Cure, everything will be better, okay?”

She didn’t appear to be listening, though. And barely seemed aware of anything. “Ch-ck…Chaaa…”

The video zoomed in on them both. Ladybug dazed and bleeding out. Chat crying and trying not to break down completely.

“Please! I just need you to say the words! Say the words and you’ll be okay! Can you do that?”

“Huurrr…s…” She slurred, begging him without words for help.

“I know! I know! But you can fix it. C’mon, M’lady, please!”

“I…I cn…”

“Say the words. Just two words, okay?” He begged desperately, patting her cheek in an attempt to both soothe her and keep her attention on him. “Two words and then you can go to sleep, I promise.”

“Ch…a…”

“Just…just two words, that’s it! I’ll…I’ll even say them with you, okay?”

She winced. “Nn…”

She clearly wasn’t listening, but he was desperate and so started to try. “Miraculous—”

She sobbed.

“No, no. Listen to me, okay? Say it with me!” He ordered, forcing her to look at him. “Mi. Say it with me! Mi!”

“M…mi…”

“Racu!”

“ra…” Her gaze started to waver.

He shook her. “Cu!”

“…cu…lous…”

He gave a weak laugh. Even now she was ahead of him. “Ladybug.”

“La…laa-deee…”

He shook her again. “LADYBUG!”

“……b…u—gahck-ugh—" She was cut off by harsh coughing.

But it was enough.

Thank every god out there it was enough.

The Cure spilled out from the object she was holding, transforming into magical ladybugs that covered everything in their wake. Unfortunately, the casting of the Cure and incoming loveliness caused the person holding the camera to drop it, losing sight of the video and cutting the feed.

_______________________

The ringing of her phone got Marinette’s attention, drawing her away from the movie she was watching with Adrien and the Dolls.

“Hello?”

“Miss Ladybug.” Came the voice on the end. “This is Aqualad.”

She blinked in surprise. “Aqualad? Is everything okay?”

“Yes…just…” The sound of angry whispers could be heard on the other end. “Would you be able to come speak with Conner today?”

Marinette frowned at that. While she certainly enjoyed seeing Conner, that…didn’t sound like a good thing. If anything, it sounded like a plea. And the voices that sounded like an argument in the background only made it sound worse.

“Is everything okay?”

Adrien seemed to notice the concern in her voice as he had stopped paying attention to the movie to focus on her. In turn, Chaton was peeking over the couch at her, curious as to what was going on.

“No. We found a recording of something…personal to you. Conner saw it and now he’s rather upset. We think it might help if you were here.”

“WHAT?!” She exclaimed. This definitely got the attention of the other dolls, all of whom had abandoned the movie in favor of checking on their Mama.

Her eyes narrowed. Suddenly full Mom mode was on.

“Aqualad. Tell me right now what happened.”

And Kaldur caved immediately with only a small sigh.

“Robin found the video of the akumatized hero who attacked you and instigated the events leading to the Paris Ban.” He explained. “I apologize. We should have checked with you first, but at Conner’s request, we all watched it.”

Marinette sighed. “I thought that was buried.”

“We’re rather good at digging.” Robin’s voice could be heard on the other side of the line.

“Hang on. I’ll be right over.” She told them before hanging up.

“Marinette? What happened?” She turned to see Adrien standing before her, looking rather concerned. Picking up on her tension, he had stopped the movie. And sure enough, four little dolls stared up at her in worry.

She sighed. There was nothing else for it.

“Who wants to go on a trip?”

The Dolls perked up at that.

Adrien, however, noticed how tense she was.

“Mari?”

“They saw the tape.”

His eyes widened. “Oh.” He reached out to her, and without even thinking, she moved into his arms. He clutched her tightly, soothing her and himself. It was…not a pleasant thing to have to relive. That so-called “hero” had caused more damage than just that one day. And more than any of them had truly recovered from.

The dolls seemed to catch on to the atmosphere, because their excitement died down.

“It’ll be okay, Mari. Let’s just be there for him. And I’ll be here for you.”

She held him back just as tight.

“Together then?”

“Always.”

[limitededgewrites]

Internet Friends, Chapter 3 Extras

Some Possible Scenes from ‘Internet Friends’ by Limited_Edge (ao3), Chapter 3 that were cut. 

These scenes were all based around the point where Hisashi is preparing to call Inko, after realizing that, no, he doesn’t really want to kill SmallMight41, but he does need to calm down while he processes this non-murderous ephinany. They’re both rather abrupt and just snippets that didn’t feel right with the flow of the fic, but IDK, maybe someone will find them interesting. 

Side Bit 1: Inko picks up, but immediatley has no time for Hisashi

The call connected, and Hisashi awaited the response.

“Hello??”

“Inko! I was wondering if you-”

“-Sorry Hisashi I don’t have time for you right now-”

The phone clicked.

Inko had hung up.

Hisashi stared blankly forward. It felt like there was static buzzing in his head, as though he was a really shitty old TV that blue screened whenever it was paused. Distantly, he felt as though the little part of him that he had pushed away was calling him out and giving him the finger.

He was broken out of the moment by the phone, which he still had in his hand, ringing. The play button was pressed. Motion resumed. A check on the screen revealed Inko calling again, six minutes later than when he had called.

Hisashi slammed the ear up against his ear. “Inko?!”

“Hisashi, dear, I’m so sorry- I panicked- I was on a call with the school, there was an incident at lunch, Izuku punch someone in the face-”

Oddly enough, Inko’s anxiety was normal enough that it calmed Hisashi down.

“It’s alright dear, deep breaths. In, two, three, four, out, two, three, four…”

Within a few breaths, Inko sounded less shaky and only on the verge of tears, as opposed to sobbing into the phone. “I’m heading to the school now, to talk with the principal. I don’t know how this could have happened- Izuku never gets into fights!”

Hisashi was aware. The kid, from his general impression, was not very heroic for all he dreamed of being a hero. His guess was that he accidently slapped someone while getting hit himself.

He didn’t say that to Inko, of course.

“I’m sure it will work out okay, Inko. As you said, Izuku isn’t the type to get in fights. It is likely a misunderstanding. And if not, he has no record prior to this. He’ll be okay.”

A sniffle came from the other end of the line. “Oh, I know- I appreciate you staying so calm. I never can, when it comes to Izuku…”

Ah. This would just be a call entirely about Izuku, wouldn’t it?

Side Bit 2: If Inko had hung up on Hisashi, and he assumed the worst

The call connected, and Hisashi awaited the response.

“Hello??”

“Inko! I was wondering if you-”

“-Sorry Hisashi I don’t have time for you right now-”

The phone clicked.

Inko had hung up.

Hisashi stared at the phone. The phone screen went dark from lack of activity, plunging Hisashi into darkness. He remained motionless, but his thoughts were awhirl. Imposter? No. Hisashi would recognize Inko’s voice anywhere. Was she in danger? Maybe Inko had been abrupt to give him a sign! She knew he would find it suspicious, and that he would catch on! Hisashi quickly turned the phone back on, and checked the tracking app he had linked to Inko’s phone. She was just exiting the apartment building. Based on the speed of the icon’s movement, Inko was either running as fast as she could (from someone??), or she was being kidnapped.

But then the icon paused. Hisashi analyzed the map. Inko had stopped at the bus stop. Most kidnapper’s, in Hisashi’s expert opinion, did not pull a get away via public transportation.

…Unless they had thrown out Inko’s phone while shoving her into a different vehicle!

An incoming call interrupted Hisashi before he could contact Kurogiri or destroy his office space in a fit of panicked rage.

Hisashi accepted the call and slammed the phone back up beside his ear.

“If you’re looking for ransom, I can tell you I have money… But more importantly, I have a very particular set of skills. Skills that I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my wife go now, that will be the end of it. But if you don’t-”

“…Hisashi?”

“…Inko?”

A sigh came from the other end. It was long and exasperated enough that Hisashi had time to switch to speaker and check the tracker map. The icon was moving at what he quickly judged to be a bus’s speed.

“What is up with the dramatics of my boys today? I assume it was a boring day in the office for you, if you were bored enough to quote that old movie you enjoyed.”

“…Yes. I was bored, and just being dramatic.” Hisashi’s racing heartrate was not convinced. Inko give a small laugh, but it was not as light and cheerful as it should be. “Dear, are you okay? You were rather abrupt…”

“Sorry, Hisashi- I just- I panicked, and was in a rush to catch the bus, and I would have had to wait another half hour if I missed this one.”

Hisashi hummed. “I see. You are okay though, right?”

“Right as rain set fire to,” Inko drawled. There was a clatter on the other end, and Inko saying something- possibly making room for someone else to sit as the bus stopped. “I’m on my way to the school. I got a call; Izuku, he…”

That little brat. What he did he do to distress his mother now? “He?...”

Inko choked back a sob. “He punched a classmate in the face- they think he broke Katsuki’s nose!”

Ah. A school yard brawl. How plebian.

[missbunnycarrot]

K I S S & T E L L

C H A P T E R O N E

1 new message

from: bestie

y/n~!! good luck! i am so excited for you babe. you are finally living your dream. i hope everything turns out well for you, and i know it will. although.. i am gonna miss you big time.. i love you babe. see you when i see you 😘😘😘

you let out a long sigh after reading your best friend's message. you lowered your phone then glanced back to your plane ticket to check your flight's departure time.

🔔📢🎶

KE flight number 17 bound to incheon, south korean has finally arrived. please proceed to the departure area, thank you.

"this is it y/n," you told yourself "i am finally living my dream as a dancer in south korea!!" you clutched your things close to you then strutted your way to the departure area.

dancing is a huge part of your existence. it is something you love to do and everyone knows it. dancing is your ultimate skill, your art of choice and your mode of therapy. then just after your dance teacher posted your video up on the internet, an email addressed to you changed everything. the email was sent by an agency looking for a specific dancer, well a short dancer that is.

see, you never really thought of hitting it big. yeah you are pretty and very experienced in a lot of style of dances but you lack in the height department. beauty standards nowadays just made you feel not too special to be casted at all. but hey, you certainly enjoyed underground dance battles and backing up local artists at your place.

that's why being contacted by a south korean entertainment industry came as a huge shock to you. the thought of the possibilities of meeting k-pop idols made you giddy as a schoolgirl. it is too soon the name names, isn't? you smiled to yourself getting comfortable in your seat. you looked out the window as the plane is about to take off south korea here i come.

you just need to take in the view, high glass ceiling, the place well lighted by glass walls and the modern architecture which made you realize you don't need to pinch yourself to reality.

you walked past the arrival sign and immediately saw a man holding a paper with your name on it. "안녕하세요 (hello)" you bowed to the man. he bowed back "you must be miss y/n, welcome to south korea. my name is jeon young hwan and i will be your chauffeur. shall i grab your luggages for you miss?" you slightly bowed again "sure young hwan씨. 감사합니다 (thank you)" such a gentleman and he is kinda cute. everything is going quite well for you so far.

it seemed like an hour drive when you finally arrived at the company building. it was huge. it made you even more excited when you saw nu'est and members of after school exit the building "kahi!!" you exclaimed unable to take your eyes off of her. "so, you are a fan of after school miss y/n," young hwan's words snapped you back to reality. "oh. 죄송합니다 (sorry) was i too loud?" your cheeks blushing from embarassment. "아니 (no). i think it is just natural for someone to react like that when they are starstrucked," young hwan smile at you through the rear mirror. "by the way miss y/n, as you can tell the builing on the left is the company building and here on the right will be your accomodation," young hwan swerved the van to the right and entered the parking area of the building.

he slid the door open and help you out of the van "now miss y/n, i will take you to your dorm" after reaching the seventh floor and walking past several doors from the elevator you finally reached your dorm "so this is it miss y/n, inside you will find a planner with your working schedules. as well as names of important people you should know working in the company and room numbers, floors you should be at during you schedule," young hwan stated like a pro. "감사합니다 (thank you)" you bowed then he returned you the gesture.

you open the door, not expecting too much. it was a very tiny room. but it still had its own bathroom, mini kitchen and a space for a small bed so it was still much better than you would have thought. you settled your bags inside, locked the door, went straight to the window and pulled the curtains aside. taking in the warmth of the sun and inhaling the korean air now, the adventure begins.

you cooked yourself ramen for dinner with kimchi at the side and banana milk as your desert. you then remembered to go through you planner for your first day tomorrow:

okay, 7am..

3rd floor room number 13

3hours practice 1hour break

okay..

hmmm.. ceo, han sung soo

stylist, kim nayeon

choreographer, choi youngjun

okay..

oh, what's this? looks some kind of id..

okay..

hmmm.. you took a big bite of ramen

no mention of any artist..

"oh well," you sighed

🍜💳📑📒

the next day you were up very early. too early that you didn't really know how to kill the rest of the time before 7am. "hmmm.. i guess i could walk around a bit to check out new places," so you wore your hoodie over your tanktop, wrapped your waistbag around you sweatpants and slinged your water bottle around your wrist.

as you stepped out of your building you inhaled the chilly korean air once again, which in turn gave you this boost of positive energy, or is it just a placebo effect? there were small hangout places in each corners of the street, a pet grooming shop with the cutest clients you have ever seen, a public park nearby where you saw kids smiling and waving at you before they ran to the slide. you looked at your watch "oh, its already 6am could the building be open by now?" you went back your path direct to the company building. there were workers cleaning the windows and it didn't look like there were anybody else but the cleaning team. you waved your hand at one crew "안녕하세요 (hello)," you bowed "is the building open?" you showed her your id. "안녕하세요 (hello), you may come in, though there is no one around yet. you may stay at the lobby in the meantime." the crew said. "감사합니다 (thank you)" you gave her a smile and bowed.

the place was a masterpiece. no wonder idols here are inspired to be more creative with their craft. you then noticed a narrow hallway with large posters adorning the wall. you looked at the posters and noted that the posters were of the artists of the entertainment agency. you passed by headshots of after school, you stopped at kahi's photo wow, those abs then at nana's photo she is so gorgeous. next you passed by hello venus and while you are on your way to the next group you caught yourself singing "씰룩씰룩 엉덩일 좌우로~ Wiggle, wiggle 더 느낌 있게~ 빙글빙글 조심스럽게~ 흔들어봐 흐흔들어봐~". then you saw ren of nu'est he looks prettier than me, sulking thinking about it. lastly you met the faces of seventeen, one of south korea's international idol groups. you just couldn't close your mouth in awe they are only pictures, what more if i met them in personal?

"ehem, 안녕하세요 (hello), you look new," a voice interupted your daydream. you looked back to see it was choi youngjun, the choreographer. "ah 안녕하세요 youngjun씨, my name is y/n" you politely bowed. "you are the new dancer, welcome to pledis entertaiment miss y/n" youngjun said after he bowed at you. "hey, are you heading to the dance pactice room?" he asked. "네 (yes) actually i am," you answered. "well then, let's go together,"

youngjun reached for the door and opened it for you. wow, this practice room is huge the room was well lit and there were mirrors everywhere. you can't help but smile at the thought that your dream is finally coming into life. next thing you know music blasted from the speakers. you moved your head to look for youngjun. "so y/n, show me what you got," youngjun said as he sat on a chair to observe you. is he challenging me? you smiled then dropped your things aside, tossing your hoodie with it as well.

without hesitation, you faced the mirror and started to move your body to the music. making your movements as fluid as you could possibly get with a few body popping moves to show your versatility. as you were already vibing with the music, youngjun suddenly changed the music to a latin-sultry kind of song. of course you didn't back down. you showed off your ballroom dancing skills with a dash of belly dancing to make your performance a tad bit sexy to impress the choreographer. you glaced at youngjun behind you through the mirror giving you a satisfied nod. he stood up from his seat and applaud "대박 (awesome) y/n. i am very impressed. you are exactly what we need,"

oh geez, stop it 😆

[alexannah]

MLB Incorrect Quotes: Gabriel Has a Plan

Nathalie: Let me see if I’ve got this correct. You plan to akumatize your own parents.

Gabriel: Yes.

Nathalie: In your own house.

Gabriel: Correct.

Nathalie: Don’t you think that’s a little risky?

Gabriel: I’ll be subtle!

Nathalie: Subtle? You? I can’t wait to hear this.

Gabriel: I won’t provoke the negative emotions directly. I have it all planned out.

Nathalie: I’m listening.

Gabriel: They’re arriving by train, so I booked them tickets for the weekend in which there’s maintenance works on three-quarters of the journey.

Nathalie: Won’t they wonder why you picked that weekend?

Gabriel: They know we have a strict schedule. I offered to book them a flight instead but they turned the offer down, as I knew they would.

Nathalie: Alright, what else?

Gabriel: I created a fake social media account for the sole purpose of setting up a huge climate change protest on their route from the station to here, encouraging the throwing of rotten produce onto environmentally unfriendly vehicles.

Nathalie: I was wondering why you’d told my brother the limo was in the garage and asked to borrow his car.

Gabriel: They’ll have to pass the Dupain-Cheng bakery on the way, and they’ll stop to admire the cakes.

Nathalie: Won’t that put them in a good mood? And how do you know they’ll stop?

Gabriel: I created another internet persona for the purpose of arranging a novelty cakes competition, and ensured the Dupain-Chengs’ entry will be in the window. I’ve spent the last six months using words associated with gardens in all conversations with Adrien in which he talks about Miss Marinette—

Nathalie: Which is a lot.

Gabriel: It is. And as expected, the moment she mentioned the competition to him, he immediately suggested a garden-themed cake. As you know, my father is absolutely obsessed with gardening. He won’t be able to resist stopping to take a look.

Nathalie: And that will cause negative emotions how?

Gabriel: Because no-one with a functional sense of smell can get near enough to that place to see the window display properly and not go in to buy something. My mother loves macaroons, and I bought up a large supply of flavourings to sell to the bakery, under a different name of course. She’s allergic to rosehip, and I spiked her favourite flavours with rosehip juice—not enough for the taste to be detected, but enough to cause a non-lethal reaction. Not putting that in the ingredients list, obviously.

Nathalie: …

Gabriel: What?

Nathalie: Knowing your parents, they’ll sue. Marinette is Adrien’s friend; I’m not sure he’ll like that.

Gabriel: I’ve already prepared a letter of apology from the “supplier” accepting all responsibility, so it doesn’t fall on them. And because Marinette is associated with Gabriel it gives me a justification for offering legal aid.

Nathalie: …

Gabriel: What now?

Nathalie: I’m actually impressed you thought through the consequences of your actions for a change.

Gabriel: I saw how worked up Adrien got last month when one of my victims sent the school furniture flying and caused a tiny graze on Marinette’s forehead. I know he’ll understand once he knows the truth, but seeing him that angry at Hawk Moth was quite … unsettling. I decided to minimise the mission’s effect on that girl where possible.

Nathalie: I’m proud of you.

Gabriel: *blushing*

Gabriel: …

Nathalie: Anyway, after the spiked macaroons?

Gabriel: Oh—yes. Well, by then they’ll both be frustrated and angry, and my mother will be feeling unwell on top of that, so when they arrive here, I’ve put in place two proverbial last straws.

Gabriel: Though last anvils might be a better indication of impact.

Nathalie: What’s the first?

Gabriel: Chloé will greet them.

Nathalie: So that’s why you offered her work experience. What will you have her do?

Gabriel: Be herself.

Nathalie: *winces* Poor bastards.

Gabriel: And then they’ll find Audrey in here, finishing up a meeting with me which will have run on because I will have ‘mislaid’ one of my designs.

Nathalie: *winces again* Knowing your mother’s lack of fashion taste, that will be excruciating.

Gabriel: *sounding gleeful* It really will.

Nathalie: Forgive me if I’m missing something, but … aren’t you going to a lot of trouble? Why exactly are your parents worth it? Do they have some amazing skills I don’t know about which will help you get Ladybug and Cat Noir’s Miraculouses?

Gabriel: Er … no.

Nathalie: So … why?

Gabriel: …

Gabriel: Revenge.

Nathalie: …

Nathalie: Revenge? On whom?

Gabriel: My parents, of course.

Nathalie: For what? Causing you to grow up emotionally stunted?

Gabriel: No.

Nathalie: Not supporting your ambitions?

Gabriel: No.

Nathalie: Not buying you the childhood toy you desperately wanted?

Gabriel: No.

Nathalie: I give up. Revenge for what?

~*~

***TEN YEARS AGO***

Gabriel: … I don’t believe you’ve met Nathalie Sancoeur, my executive assistant.

Nathalie: It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr and Mrs Agreste. If you’ll excuse me; I promised to tuck Adrien into bed and read his favourite bedtime story with him.

Nathalie: *exits*

Gabriel’s Mother: *gives a disapproving tut*

Gabriel: What was that, Mother?

Gabriel’s Father: Why is your secretary putting your son to bed?

Gabriel: Executive assistant, Father.

Gabriel’s Mother: That’s a glorified secretary. And you didn’t answer the question.

Gabriel: Because Emilie is filming and I’m waiting for an important conference call. And because Adrien likes her. Your tone makes it sound like you think that’s a problem.

Gabriel’s Father: It is a problem.

Gabriel’s Mother: I can’t believe you would hire someone, especially live-in staff, without doing a thorough background check.

Gabriel: I beg your pardon? What makes you think I didn’t?

Gabriel’s Parents Simultaneously: Because you hired her!

Gabriel: …

Gabriel: I see you’ve been doing your own research into my employees.

Gabriel’s Mother: I’d say that was a good thing, considering your lack of sense in this area.

Gabriel: I’ve known Nathalie several years, and I have never met someone more loyal and hard-working than she. I don’t care about her history.

~*~

***PRESENT DAY***

Gabriel: …

Gabriel: …

Gabriel: …

Gabriel: Did I say revenge? I meant … er … relationship. Yes, relationship.

Nathalie: *disbelievingly* Relationship.

Gabriel: Yes. I thought they could do with a break from their monotonous routine. To, you know, grow closer as a couple.

Nathalie: …

Nathalie: You do realise you’re not fooling me in the slightest, don’t you?

Gabriel: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Adrien: *enters room* Are they here yet?

Adrien: *senses awkward atmosphere* Is everything okay?

Nathalie: Everything’s fine, Adrien. We were just discussing your grandparents’ arrival.

Adrien: Great! I can’t believe it’s been so long since they visited. Father, why haven’t we seen them in ten years?

Nathalie: Yes, Mr Agreste, why haven’t we?

Gabriel: *glares at her*

Nathalie: *holds his gaze*

Nathalie: *stares him down*

Adrien: *looks from one to the other, trying to work out what’s going in*

Gabriel: *gives in*

Gabriel: Fine! If you must know, they took issue with … *now mumbling* where you spent your gap year.

Nathalie: *eyes widen*

Adrien: *curiously* Why, where did Nathalie spend her gap year?

Nathalie: …

Nathalie: Prison.

[shianhygge-imagines]

Playing the Game {Devil May Cry} x {Among Us}

AN: So, I’ve been playing a lot of Among Us in my down time. My old coworkers from Uniqlo (haven’t worked with them for around a year and a half now, love them to bits though) have been inviting me to play full games. And because everyone else seems to really love the Among Us content on Tumblr now, I figured, why not? It’s easy enough to write something for it.

So, anyways, this is actually a one-shot instead of a headcanon. And there are technically no pairings. Reader was written Gender Neutral as well.

If you like the content I create, please consider donating to my Ko-fi! Please help me feed my tea addiction!

|Masterlist Link|

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27th September - 04:58pm - Devil May Cry

It’s a miracle that everyone happened to be in the same place at the same time when Patty barged into Devil May Cry with a cart full of laptops. Dante had gone to hide as soon as his Patty senses tingled, practically pulling off an acrobatic feat just to get to the second floor in time. Curious as to what the young lady wanted, you put your book down and stood to help the blonde mortal with her burden.

“It’s good to see you, Patty. Dante’s currently expelling his stomach lining in the bathroom.” From behind you, both Vergil and Nero snorted at your comment while V quirked a brow at your antics. “Were you looking for him?”

“Yeah! I found a new game we call all play!” Patty lifted a small laptop, presenting it to you. “We can all play it if we have enough players… but um… I can wait until Dante’s out of the bathroom. Is he okay?”

Taking the laptop, you waved nonchalantly with a grin. “Oh, he’ll be fine. It was just a week old pizza. He’ll be down once he’s done! Until then, take a seat at his desk!” You take your seat between Vergil and V on one of the couches, opening up the laptop to glance blankly at the only desktop icon on the screen, then at the bar at the bottom showing that was connected to the internet already. “Is the game called ‘Among Us’?”

Patty nods with a hum, opening her own personal laptop up. “It’s an online multiplayer game. You play as a space crew, walking around the map completing tasks in the form of mini games. All crew members have to complete their tasks to win the game.”

“There’s a catch, isn’t there?” Nero scoffed, peering over your shoulder at the computer screen when you opened up the game. Kyrie and Nico also joined him in taking a peek.

“Yeah! Each game has anywhere from one to three imposters.” Patty informed, nodding her head as she explained, beyond ecstatic that you were seemingly interested in playing. “The imposters look like crew members, but their job is to sabotage or kill the crew, preventing the crew members from winning. Imposters have a little menu that they can use to turn off lights, or shut doors. They also have an advantage of being able to enter vents to escape an area. Imposters win when they’ve cut down crew member number enough. To weed out the Imposters, crew members can report any bodies they find or press the emergency button on the map once per player to have a meeting. From there, players can present evidence of a player being innocent or guilty of being an Imposter, and the crew can vote whoever they think is ‘Sus’ or suspicious off the ship.”

“So it’s a game of skillful assassination and deceit.” Vergil summarized, now slightly interested in participating.

“Perhaps a bit of patience and being able to read others.” V interjected, closing his book to shoot a judgmental expression at Vergil… one that the elder Sparda twin gladly returned with a haughty smirk. It’s nice to know that even if V was once a part of Vergil, they still feel disdain towards one another.

Patty thinks for a moment, her blue eyes observing your group by the couch for a moment before nodding, “Yeah, I guess it is! Gotta be careful though, because Imposters can self report their kill… but they also have a kill countdown… but even if a crew mate is killed, they can still roam the map completing their tasks as ghosts. Obviously though, if you die, you can’t tip off who the Imposter is to people who are alive. Once Dante’s back, we’ll have a few practice rounds before doing an official round.”

“Count us in.” All heads in the downstairs area turned as Dante descended the stairs, Lady and Trish behind him. “Bunch of hunters like us? It’ll be a piece of cake.”

Official Round Start

When the first official game started, you were all seated in various locations of Devil May Cry’s first floor, laptops in your laps and noise cancelling headphones on. The front door was locked, sign flipped to read ‘CLOSED’ so that nobody interrupted the series of unfortunate events unfolding within the shop.

There were ten players in total: You (Purple), Dante (Red), Vergil (Blue), Nero (White), Kyrie (Cyan), Nico (Green), V (Black), Trish (Yellow), Lady (Orange), and Patty (Pink).

When the countdown finished, and your screen went black, you schooled your face until it was carefully blank. Well, well… this will be fun. You decide when the screen informs you that you and Kyrie are the Imposters. Discreetly, you and Kyrie glance up to look around the room before winking at one another and directing your eyes back down to the computer screen.

The map that Patty had chosen was the Skeld with two short tasks, two normal tasks, and one long task.

Starting off in the Cafeteria, you moved down to Admin, following as Vergil, Dante, and Nico went to do their tasks in the room while you sat at wires, watching until one of them moved. Walking out just as the task bar went up, you headed down and right until you were in Shields.

You watched as Nico and V passed you before moving up towards Weapons, where you saw Trish downloading files. Quickly, you walked behind her and clicked the Kill button before venting, popping up in Navigation just as Kyrie knocked out the lights.

Deciding to take the risk, you went into the other vent in Navigation and popped out at Shields again, moving out of that hallway to Storage, pretending to empty out the trash just as Vergil passed you by with Dante at his tail, making deliberate and erratic movements. Just as you are about to Sabotage Comms, a meeting is called, and you notice that V was killed along with Trish. Shrugging, you take off your headphones with everyone else.

“VERGIL’S SUS!” Dante pointed at Vergil with a grin.

You could practically see Vergil’s last thread of patience snap, “If anyone’s suspicious, it was you!”

“Kyrie and I found V’s body in the Cafeteria right after the lights were fixed.” Nero announced, interrupting his father and uncle to look at V, who just sighed heavily and took out a book, refusing to make any facial expressions to help the Crew… and ignoring the superior stare that Vergil aimed at him. Well, this is going to get tiring really quick, isn’t it. You deadpan at their interactions, hoping that they would just warm up to one another already.

“Well, I can account for Lady, Dante, and Y/N.” Vergil sighed, lips thinning in displeasure that they were two down already. “Lady was already fixing lights, and Y/N was coming from the east side to do the garbage… Dante has been following me the entire game.”

“Did anyone happen to see where Trish’s body was? Or where she headed off to from the start?” You asked.

“Trish headed to MedBay while Kyrie and I went to the Engine and Reactor.” Nero piped up, “I didn’t see her for the rest of the round.”

“Okay…” Lady mumbled before her heterochromatic eyes landed on Patty, who jolted from the older woman’s intense stare. “Patty, where were you?”

Patty paused to think, “When the alarm was sounded, I was with Nico in Security.���

“Can confirm!” Nico nodded with a ‘humph.’

“But before that, I went to Weapons to shoot asteroids, looped back into Cafeteria to go down to Storage to do a task there. I was just behind Y/N as they headed off to the right side… and then I went left into the Lower Engine before meeting up with Nico.” Patty concluded.

“Are we going to vote this round?” Vergil wondered, eyes fixed upon the timer countdown. “Or should we skip?”

“Hold on, Vergil.” Lady raised a hand before continuing to stare down Patty. “So you were the last one in the Cafeteria?”

“Um… that I know of?” Patty raised a brow, “But that was like at the beginning of the round.”

“So, you could have killed V at the very beginning.” Lady’s eyes narrowed, “That’s a bit suspicious.”

“So… voting out Patty?” Nico asked, seemingly convinced. “We could wait, but…”

“I voted already.” Lady chimed.

“Done.” Vergil confirmed.

“Well, if we’re sure…” Nero shrugged.

“Wait! That’s jumping wayyyy too into conclusions!” Patty protested. “There were a lot of people near the Cafeteria. They could have done it during the black out.”

“Nah, a lot of us were accounted for.” Dante clicked his tongue before turning to look at Patty. “Sorry, Patty.”

You and Kyrie had already voted. The only one who didn’t vote for Patty had been Nico.

Patty screamed in frustration before falling silent, “You all suck!”

Patty has been ejected.

“Nico, why didn’t you vote?” Nero questioned his mechanic, “You’re the one who asked to vote Patty out.”

“Sus-pi-cious~~~” Lady sang quickly before you all put your headphones back on.

The next round, you watched as Vergil, Dante, and Lady headed off to the right side before dancing back and forth in front of Nico and Kyrie, asking them wordlessly to follow you to the MedBay. When Kyrie followed me, Nero followed after her.

Once all four of you were in the MedBay, you pretended to complete a task while Nico got a med-scan. Almost all at once, you Sabotaged the MedBay doors as well as O2 within a few seconds before you and Kyrie got a double kill, getting Nico and Nero both at once. Both of you took the vent into Security before killing the Lights, walking down together to Electrical, where you turned the lights back on. Just as you were about to exit the room with Kyrie, you two encounter Dante, Vergil, and Lady.

Noticing that the cooldown had ended for the Kill button, you clicked on it, watching as your character stabbed Vergil’s in the back with a knife. It seemed that Kyrie had the same idea, as Dante was dead once the animation was over.

The screen went black and you and Kyrie cheered, throwing ‘air-fives’ at each other from across the room.

Everyone took their headphones off, shocked as their eyes trained upon you and Kyrie.

“What… the hell.” Nico muttered.

“I TOLD YOU GUYS IT WASN’T ME!” Patty screamed at everyone in the room, slumping in her seat and pouting.

“That was scarily efficient.” Dante groaned, staring at you and Kyrie with a new light.

Nero groaned and buried his face in his hands, “I knew there was something odd going on when we lost one another by the upper engine when the lights went out.”

“Hehe.” Kyrie laughed sheepishly, patting Nero on the shoulder. “Oops?”

“Y/N! I trusted you!” Nico wailed, looking as if cartoon tears would be streaming down her face if possible.

Raising a single hand up, you grinned and made the sign for ‘Victory.’ “I guess you guys just can’t underestimate us, then!”

“Another round.” Vergil demanded, glaring at you with a challenge in his eyes. “If I’m Imposter, you won’t be able to escape me. And if you’re the Imposter… then you won’t get the drop on me twice.”

You all grinned, and clicked on the ‘play again’ button. “Challenge accepted.”

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[heavyarethecrowns]

Kate Middleton: Prince William’s Decade-Long Mistake - Oct 2010

Who is Kate Middleton? After nearly 10 years of seeing Kate’s recorded behavior, this is my impression: Kate Middleton doesn’t care about any causes, charities or anything outside of living for pleasure. I doubt her ability to handle royal responsibilities – beyond dealing with privileges and paparazzi – because in the ten years the world has watched her, she hasn’t demonstrated she can take on anything but a royal c*ck and a jolly good time. While true, she isn’t married to William and isn’t in fact a royal (and may never be, for all we know), her perseverance implies she’s in it for the long haul and plans to become the Princess of Wales. As such, she should have taken these years to demonstrate to the world that, although she’s a common-bred, middle-class girl, she’s an exceptional lady who rises above the rest. But Kate has failed profoundly in that respect. The last thing the women of the public should be thinking when they see William’s marital choice is, “What on earth makes her so special? I could have done that/been in her place – and done it better! -Maybe I should have gone to St. Andrews!” But that’s what women, including myself, are lead to think of her. Coming from her background, as a common, everyday girl, it shows her complete lack of humility, and is borderline arrogant, for her to assume she can live like a spoiled brat who doesn’t need to prove herself. She enjoys a privileged life that she wasn’t born into – and for the life of many, we can’t understand why. Why was she chosen? Why not someone else? Why not a woman the vast majority can respect and admire? Let’s be honest here: William can have nearly anyone he wants – and he’s settling for this average circus monkey?

At first glance, Kate seemed like a well kept, nicely mannered woman – and well-suited for a royal position. In the first few years of her royal relationship, she shone as an attractive, educated, beautifully fashioned, friendly, and conservatively-behaved young lady. But that was then. Now, upon looking back at Kate’s near-decade as an unofficial princess-in-waiting, her behavior reveals her as a underwhelming choice for the monarchy. She’s demonstrated that she’s far from exceptional, and that aside from her pursuit of a crown, she’s a disappointing, arrogant underachiever of little substance.

Ambitious In All The Wrong Ways:

Those who know Kate often describe her as ambitious; and in the beginning, that’s the side of her the public got to see. Kate worked hard on her academics so she could attend the prestigious St. Andrews University, where William was also set to attend. While there, she met William and completed the same degree as him, in Art History.  Following their graduations, William began the demanding military career he still pursues today. However, surprisingly, the once ambitious-seeming Kate did nothing: She remained jobless for nearly two years, living off of her parents (and William, I’m sure). Kate finally got a part-time job as an accessories buyer at the fashion chain, Jigsaw, but quit after only 11 months. Notably, rumors suggest Kate only got the job to passify Her Majesty, The Queen, who took notice that her grandson’s significant-other was a lazy freeloader. After that, she worked for her parent’s internet business, Party Pieces (which to many read like an unemployment cover-up). Apparently, Kate made updates to their website and took photos for it. That sounds pathetic and hardly full-time. Not to mention, Kate’s monthly getaways to exotic locations with William attest that her parents gave her an overwhelming amount of time off whenever she wanted it. That’s hardly a real job. And if that’s not disappointing enough, Kate quit the job all together in October of 2009 and has officially been doing nothing but shacking up with William while he pursues his career ever since. I’m sorry Katie dear, but for any 28 year old – especially a potential Queen of England – that’s absolutely not good enough.

There are several obvious problems with the reality of Kate’s ambitions (or lack thereof). She was ambitious about her education, but clearly didn’t want or need it for a career – So, what was she even at St. Andrews for, and why was she ambitious about getting there? She graduated from a top notch university, only to settle for unemployment and a job her parents provided? Logically, it’s mismatching for someone to aggressively pursue a top-tier education only to fall flat as a lazy, career-underachiever immediately and permanently thereafter. The fact that Kate did just that leads me, and countless others to believe she was only academically driven so she could put herself in William’s way and try to form a relationship with him. Also telling are the numerous reports by those close to Kate’s mother that Mrs. Middleton pushed her daughter’s attendance to St. Andrews in hopes of her becoming royalty.

Kate: The Attention-Loving Wild Child

When Kate’s not working – and that’s most of the time – she goes shopping, attends leisurely sporting and social events, and parties ’till her heart’s content in Britain’s most luxurious night spots (Paris Hilton style – ick). The photos of her nightlife are less than flattering – actually, they’re flat out embarrassing – especially for the potential next Princess and Queen of Wales. She often looks extremely intoxicated, and her attire and car-exiting-techniques have granted the paparazzi dozens of “crotch shots”.

[picapp align=”none” wrap=”false” link=”term=kate+middleton&iid=756945″ src=”http://view3.picapp.com/pictures.photo/image/756945/kate-middleton-birthday/kate-middleton-birthday.jpg?size=500&imageId=756945&#8243; width=”234″ height=”151″ /] Kate characteristically grinning as she’s hounded by the paparazzi

Any other 28 year old woman would be focused on a career or starting a family – or both; But Kate just parties like she’s some rich 19 year old without any responsibilities. In fact, she’s only too happy to show that side of herself to the paparazzi – and the world. Her parents and William (taxpayer dollars) have financially supported her throughout her twenties – extravagant vacations included – and Kate’s habitual ear-to-ear smile indicates she’s loved every minute of it. As long as she’s attached to William, she doesn’t have a care in the world that other (common) women like her have – aside from her image, and she’s let that fall to the wayside. From the bright red coat she wore to William’s military graduation to the never-failing smile she wears for the paparazzi, Kate’s self-presentation says she loves being a celebrity and all eyes being on her. Unfortunately, Britain needs a princess who naturally exudes a respectable image when she provokes the world to look.

William’s Mistake – William’s Responsibility

I understand William’s need to pick a lady who’ll roll with the punches, deal well with the crazy, public lifestyle (privacy invasion, etc.), and conform to suit the monarchy’s needs. Nevertheless, it’s his mistake in assuming those are the only criteria a future princess must meet. If there was a checklist for the “Qualities of the Most Ideal Future Princess of Wales”, Kate would scantily fulfill 20% of them:

Intelligence and Wit

Humility

Career ambition/self sufficiency

Physical beauty – (C’mon, princesses are supposed to be pretty! -Especially when the prince is popular enough to take his pick. Kate’s…just…okay…)

Noble/Aristocratic blood (if not this, then a woman who stands far above the crowd of other commoners)

Grace and Conservative femininity (that goes out the window when you’ve been banging the prince for a decade without a commitment – Oh, and the rumored accidental pregnancies (abortion fanatic if they’re true! *cough* TMI *cough*))

Charity and service for those in need (I volunteered like crazy in college, and I’m not anywhere near royal… Why didn’t Kate?! – And why hasn’t she since??)

Respectable and responsible image (yeah, umm, no)

Takes on royal responsibilities to earn royal privileges (Kate’s only got the acceptance of privileges part down…)

Aaaand the list goes on…

Of course, there’s the possibility that Kate’s the girl who’s a match for William’s heart. But I doubt it. Kate’s the girl with everything to lose if the relationship fails, and everything to gain if it succeeds – her greatest skill is that she’s willing/desperate enough to jump through all and any hoops, including waiting 10+ years for a proposal – and William knows it.

It may have been 10 years, but it’s not too late for William to turn around and make a better decision. Kate hasn’t been cheated – contrary to some’s beliefs. She’s lived a decade of fantasy and wonder beyond her wildest dreams, and has continually been treated to luxuries she doesn’t deserve. William owes it to himself, and his country to make a responsible choice about the future Princess of Wales. Yes, he needs to choose a woman he loves, but his privileges require sacrifices on his part, and that means choosing a bride that will be an honorable partner for the people’s sake too. If William was going to wait ’till his late 20s/early 30s to wed, he could have waited to meet a woman who’s getting a PhD, or who runs a charitable non-profit organization, for example. But no : Instead, he’s burdening his country with wishy-washy, Waity Katie.

It’s not about choosing a girl who loves being photographed or relishes living her fantasy of being a fashion icon – or even a real, live princess. It’s about choosing a self-sufficient woman who has something amazing to offer the country and the world: A role model, a charitable, caring person who views joining the monarchy as a responsibility, and an opportunity to serve the people – not just an entitlement to luxurious privileges. Right now, the latter is Kate Middleton; And I don’t foresee her entire irresponsible, pleasure-loving personality changing just because wedding vows are exchanged. What we’ve seen is what we’re going to get as Lady Di’s shoe-filler – if William decides to go through with it. One can only hope that won’t be the case.

[regrettablewritings]

Podcasts, Youtubes, and TV Shows to Distract Yourself With Because Why Not, and Also Because I Wanna Blab About Some of These

Since I can’t go to work and horrify my coworkers/make them realize I’m a mess and/or nerd by telling them about the type of media I’m into, I’m foisting my recommendations on all of y’all who choose to read this. I frankly do not care how many people have actually heard of these things because I’m also sure there’s plenty of people who, like me, are very slow and oblivious to entertainment, or who have heard of the property but were never that convinced.

Kipo and the Age of the Wonderbeasts

Type: TV series

200 years after a mysterious yet earth-shattering event, much of humanity has taken to living beneath the surface in communities called burrows, wherein life goes on, if effected somewhat by the bizarre fauna that exists above them (referred to as “mutes”, short for “mutant”). One burrow girl, Kipo, founds her world turned almost literally inside-out when she finds herself not only separated from her father and the only world she’s ever known, but on the surface, no less. What ensues is her trying to find her way back home with the help of a stony-faced little girl with a massive chip on her shoulder; a music enthusiast and his literal gadfly friend; and some . . . unusual allies that only an oblivious optimist like Kipo could make. All to a kickass soundtrack, a beautiful backdrop of art, and a world where animals have basically evolved into gangs under a looming threat known as Scarlemagne. If you can’t already tell, I love this series to bits and now is the perfect time for people to get into it and encourage another season of it. Just . . . don’t think too hard that whatever happened to cause the Event in the show happened in October 2020 . . .

Available on: Netflix

My Dad Wrote a Porno

Type: Podcast

This should go without saying, but this podcast is definitely meant for more mature audiences. Or somebody with a strong stomach. Not that it’ll always be easy to tell with the type of content this series gives. When Jamie Morton’s father handed him his manuscripts for his self-published books, he had no idea he was being given a pinnacle of a polished turd: It was erotica. Really, really, really bad erotica. But the ear’s trash is the heart’s pleasure with this bad girl, as Jamie enlists the company of friends Alice and James to provide commentary on “Rocky Flintstone”’s series Belinda Blinked, a drama chronicling the sexcapades of Belinda Blumenthal as she climbs the ladders (and men and women) both in and out of the cut-throat world of pots and pans sales. What follows is a goldmine of awkward metaphors, strange bedmates, and just an overall stampede of whiplashing events that somehow exceed expectations. Listen in if you dare . . . And make sure you’re in good company for it. Fun Fact, though: Daisy Ridley, Ben Barnes, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Michael Sheen, Mara Wilson, Elijah Wood are but a few well-known fans of this series! Nobody is safe . . .

Available on: Wherever podcasts can be found

Lore

Type: Podcast

Sometimes, truth is stranger than fiction. And what better way to be reminded of that, then to have the dulcet tones of Aaron Mahnke tell you about the lighthouse incident that the 2016 movie The Lighthouse was loosely inspired by? Suffice to say, this podcast could also be interpreted with some advised discretion, but definitely in a way that’s different from My Dad Wrote a Porno. In the centuries humankind has existed, we’ve managed to create a menagerie of beasts, both fictional and in ourselves. Lore explores all the many different kinds of events and persons and creatures we have to offer. In any given episode, we could be talking about anything from the bizarre story of a lady who convinced 18th century physicians that she was giving birth to rabbits, to something more disturbing like the life of H.H. Holmes. Or something as relatively innocuous as the relationship between gremlins and flight. Regardless of the subject, however, you’ll definitely walk away knowing something new, if bizarre. And perhaps slightly terrifying.

Available on: Wherever podcasts can be found

The Amelia Project

Type: Podcast

Congratulations: You have been made aware of The Amelia Project. If you’re not interested in this, exit the page. Now. If you continue, there’s no unhearing it. Good choice! A new interest awaits. If you don’t enjoy it, please consider the whole thing a hoax. Okay but in all seriousness, there’s no way to do The Amelia Project justice in just a simple description. The plot sounds quite simple, really: People want to disappear and start a new life, The Amelia Project is there to help – with a price. And that’s if you can actually get a hold of them! What really makes the show, however, are the people and the writing, and I’m not just talking about the almost childlike Interviewer with an obsession for hot cocoa. I’m talking about the clientele: I’m talking about the macabre-obsessed theme park owner who’s out for revenge; the cult leader who’s in way over his head; a Santa impersonator stuck in a miserable marriage with his own manager; an actual podcast character trying to outrun his creators. And obviously this would all be nowhere without the spectacular writing! I really can explain this series without blabbing on and potentially spoiling things; The Amelia Project is an experience!

Available on: Wherever podcasts can be found

LegalEagle

Type: Youtube channel

To be frank, I just like learning for the sake of learning, even if I may not always necessarily understand the topic or have any plans to use it in the foreseeable future. The big difference here being that at least this channel makes learning about the law fun and breaks it down. Headed by a certified lawyer (because what an age we live in, where professionals actually take time out of their lives to teach us common folk), there’s a multitude of series D.J. Stone uses to help break down the complex world of law, from reviewing the realism of procedural favorites (Law & Order, The Good Wife, HTGAWM, etc), to analyzing real-life situations, to even watching childhood media that has nothing to do with the law and determining how much money, say, Willy Wonka would owe in a lawsuit. In short, it is one of my worst subjects done in one of my favorite ways to learn! Plus, Stone hates business students and is perfectly willing to poke fun at law students so it’s all fun, frankly.

Available on: Youtube

Nando v Movies

Type: Youtube channel

Sometimes, movies are bad. Sometimes, they’re good. And sometimes, they could use a few adjustments in hindsight. Especially the nerdier movies where the directors may or may not have tried way too hard or way too little. And that’s where Nando comes in: Whether it’s explaining why a different villain might have worked better for a hero’s origin story movie, or analyzing how one seemingly small adjustment could’ve potentially made more sense in explaining characterization, this channel is always providing a new perspective on a movie or show you’ve probably seen and maybe weren’t necessarily too pleased with. (Or maybe you were – I enjoyed Justice League okay but I love the version he rewrote more.) Oh, yeah: Sometimes he does rewrites of movies or even series. So if you’re anything like me and you’re way into that, this is a channel you don’t want to miss out on.

Available on: Youtube

DEATH BATTLE!

Type: Youtube channel

Does anyone remember Deadliest Warrior? No? . . . How about that one time during lunch where you and your friend got into it over who would win in a death match between Superman and Goku? Good news: A buncha geeks did the math for you and have come out with the results! Specifically, hosts Wiz and Boomstick have analyzed the weapons, armor, and skills of each combatant in every episode, resulting in an ongoing series of absolute nonsense and satiation of bloodshed. The description is admittedly nothing crazy, but the amount of detail applied is honestly where it’s at: From calculating how loud Black Canary’s screams are to approximating Scrooge McDuck’s speed (I’m not kidding you), there’s actual thought put into the characters being assembled and how they might fair with their respective combatant. And it all comes together for an actual fight, often animated but always amazing. So if you’ve ever wondered if Thor could beat Wonder Woman, or if McGruff the Crime Dog stands a chance against Smokey the Bear (I’m…I’m being honest), then this is the show for you!

Available on: Youtube

Sideways

Type: Youtube channel

If there is music in that movie or show, it will be analyzed to a degree that, unless you’ve been trained in music, you would’ve probably never thought about. There isn’t necessarily much rhyme or reason to Sideways’ videos in terms of themes beyond music, but really, must they? Is it not enough that this man is screaming to the internet these wack and awesome trends he’s noticed in certain pieces associated with movies and musicals and the genius behind them? Could life not just be him explaining the symbolism of the instruments associated with the Crystal Gems of Steven Universe, or breaking down the cultures explored by way of the Black Panther soundtrack? Also, here’s a fun drinking game: Take a shot every time he mentions leitmotifs or the Dies Irae.

Available on: Youtube

Craig of the Creek

Type: TV show

In the woods of suburban Maryland, there exists a kid’s utopia: A place where horse girls are free to roam the fields, where a boy can be a king of garbage, and where children travel the sewers completely unsupervised. That is, until the dinner horn rings; then they have to go home until the next time they can return to The Creek. The show focuses on one specific trio (Craig, JP, and Kelsey) as every day, The Creek (and their own childish naivete) brings them new hijinks to experience. There’s a blissful lightheartedness to the show, in addition to a lot of creativity that feels like it was ripped straight out of your own imagination as a child (robots made from cardboard boxes, building portals using lights, etc). But beneath it all, there’s something just plain wild brewing. I don’t want to spoil anything, but CotC has some G-rated GOT shit going on the further along the series goes and I can’t wait to see how it all unfolds!

Available on: CN app, wcostream.com

And that’s probably enough for now, I think. Lemme know if you want any other suggestions, or how you’re findin’ ‘em if you take any of them up! Stay safe, stay healthy my dudes!

[officialcherubcampus]

Three futures - The Playboy

So what happens to James, Lauren, Kerry and all the gang after Shadow Wave?

Robert Muchamore has written three stories, depicting alternative futures for James and Kerry set in the year 2031.

Las Vegas - October 2031

James Choke sat at the end of an emperor-size bed. He was in a 53rd floor penthouse suite with floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked coloured lights stretching five kilometres along the Las Vegas strip.

James would celebrate his 40th birthday in less than two weeks, but his personal trainer kept him in shape. He looked fit, dressed in boxers, with slicked back hair with touches of grey down the sides. He’d look even better when he put on the $80,000 hand-cut silk suit, and diamond crusted Rolex resting on the duvet alongside him.

“Why are you showing off?” James asked, as he looked round at a stunning blonde, whose head poked out between a mound of pillows and cushions.

She was James’ current girlfriend, a twenty-two-year-old cowgirl called Sue Loewe. Her voice was high and her accent came out of East Texas.

“I had your baby,” Sue said bitterly. “If you love me you should marry me.”

“I’ve been through four wives and four divorces already,” James said, trying not to lose his temper as he pulled his suit trousers up his legs. “That’s enough marrying for one lifetime. Now are you getting dressed for the opening ceremony or not?”

James ducked as a couple of velvet cushions spun angrily across the room towards him.

“Four wives and four hundred girlfriends,” Sue shouted. “But there’s only ever been one woman you loved. So why don’t you walk down your precious red carpet with her?”

James buckled his trousers and crawled up the bed towards Sue. She’d come to Vegas to compete in a rodeo, with model looks, an athletic body and the enormous breasts that had drawn James’ eye when he’d pinned on her runner-up rosette for the steer wrestling competition.

“This is the biggest night of my year,” James said. “The dress you’ve had made costs more than most cars.”

Sue hissed, “I want your time and attention, James. Not dresses. Not cars. Not money.”

James thought about trying to kiss Sue, but he didn’t have the heart. He’d been through enough women to know this relationship was in its last stretch: Sue would head back to her mother in Texas with the baby. She’d lawyer up and settle for a few million dollars a year in child maintenance. James would make sure his infant son wanted for nothing and fly him into Vegas for some daddy time two or three times a year.

“My chopper will be here in twenty minutes,” James said calmly, as he rolled off the bed. “I haven’t got time to fight with you right now.”

“You’re a greasy arse,” Sue shouted, as she grabbed a glass tumbler and lobbed it at his head.

Wives and girlfriends had been throwing stuff at James for years. He ducked expertly, leaving the glass to smash against the wall behind him. Then he grabbed his shoes, watch and the rest of the clothes off the end of the bed and made a swift exit through double walnut doors into a grand hallway.

The hallway was more than thirty metres long, with a chequerboard marble floor. The cleaning lady pushing a big scissor-mop acted like she’d heard nothing, but the black-suited bodyguard standing by the lift showed no such reserve.

“Your life would be a lot simpler if you could learn to keep your dick in your pants,” Bruce Norris said.

James grinned - as well as being James’ bodyguard Bruce was one of James’ oldest friends.

“The day I give up womanising is the day I give up breathing, Brucey Boy.”

Bruce shook his head, showing disapproval, tinged with jealousy. Bruce had toured the globe and won three ultimate fighting belts, but he’d now put wild days on the road behind him and lived a quiet life in a Vegas suburb, with three boys and a wife who worked as a croupier in one of the big casinos.

“I had a call earlier,” Bruce said, as James handed him a jacket so that he had free arms to pull on his shirt and bow tie. “From your oldest sister.”

James looked shocked. “Lauren! What did that fruitcake want?”

“She’d got a meeting in New York tomorrow. Said she’s passing over Vegas and asked if her name could be added to the guest list for tonight’s opening ceremony.”

“What did you say?”

“I checked with Kerry. She didn’t seem to have any problem with it.”

James was slightly irritated. “Lauren’s my sister, why didn’t you check with me?”

“You were out of contact,” Bruce said, raising one eyebrow. “Sharing the executive washroom with that hot Russian translator.”

“Oh her,” James said fondly. “Did you get her number by the way?”

“Lauren or the Russian?”

“The Russian.”

“I’m your bodyguard, not your pimp,” Bruce said tetchily. “We’d better get up to the helipad. Kerry will barbecue your balls if you’re late.”

...

Debbie Shan was the on-screen reporter for the local Vegas television station, but the gala opening of Choke Grand Plaza Casino was national news and even though she was on home turf, she felt out of place in the press pen outside the massive new casino, jostling with more famous faces from major news outlets from around the world.

“OK, Debbie,” the bearded cameraman said. “Take it again from the top.”

“Was the last take no good?” she asked.

The cameraman gave a reassuring nod. “Your take was fine, but with all this hullabaloo we need to get a couple down to make sure we can edit out all the background noise.”

“Right,” Debbie said, as she pushed her hair off her face, then switched to the more careful tone she used when speaking to camera.

“Twenty years ago, two newly married Stanford graduates drove from San Francisco to Las Vegas. But James and Kerry Choke were no ordinary honeymoon couple. James was a card shark, intending to use his maths skills to win big on the blackjack tables. Kerry was a smart young businesswoman who’d already made her first million from an online shoe store she’d set up while still at university.

“Over the last decade-and-a-half the Chokes have become the biggest thing in Vegas. Starting with the purchase and turnaround of the tiny run-down Boulder Gate Casino, the Choke Corporation rapidly became a multi-billion dollar business empire comprising casinos, hotels and sports teams that now stretches from the ownership of James’ favourite Premiership football outfit to the first ever mega-casino built in Beijing.

“When the Chokes’ marriage broke down, James’ affair and eighteen month marriage to movie star Kate Porpoise catapulted James to celebrity status as he entered one of the most gossiped about relationship in Hollywood history. Despite two more whirlwind marriages in the past five years for James, and Kerry settling down with new husband Paul Hartt - the couple have remained close friends. James and Kerry continue to work successfully as business partners, and in bringing up their three daughters.”

“Tonight we’ve seen wave after wave of celebrities from the internet, films and music arriving for the opening of Choke Grand Plaza, which Kerry Choke claims is the biggest and most glamorous casino anywhere in the world. The casino hotel has over 7,000 suites, 50,000 square metres of gambling space and an 80,000 seat stadium for the Choke Corporation’s newly instated Las Vegas Knights NFL team. What’s more I’m told we’re going to see more than seventy million dollars worth of fireworks go up in smoke before the doors of this colossal new gambling palace open to the public on the stroke of midnight.”

Debbie paused for a long breath, then looked away from the camera. “Was that OK?”

The cameraman nodded. “Perfect. I think we had the noise under control, but we’ll do it once more just to be sure.”

...

Lauren Adams had arrived at Vegas airport more than three hours earlier. Her hair was a tangle, she wore ripped jeans and dirty canvas pumps. Her only luggage was a small canvas holdall containing a computer, basic toiletries and a couple of changes of underwear.

With a title fight on at one end of the strip and a new casino opening at the other, Vegas was rammed. She’d had to queue more than an hour for a taxi at the airport, followed by 90 minutes through gridlocked traffic.

Even then, the driver couldn’t get within a block of the Choke Grand Plaza. The temperature was touching thirty, even though it was past 10pm and Lauren had to fight through the crowds who’d come out to watch the fireworks, and get a first peek at the latest Choke Corporation casino.

Lauren found Las Vegas tacky and revolting. The Choke Grand Plaza comprised four sixty storey towers clad in fake marble and gold leaf. The building had all the subtlety of a kick with a steel-toe capped boot and to make the place even worse, the rooftop penthouse complex atop the tallest tower was shaped like a giant NFL football. Lauren also spotted well-disguised cranes, suggesting that the Choke Grand Plaza wasn’t quite as ready for it’s grand opening as her brother and ex-sister-in-law would have liked the public to believe.

Still, Lauren was late and her associates had been working on her plan for months, so there wasn’t time to stand around gawping at the gaudy monstrosity. If getting to the casino had been a scrum, she was elevated into much classier surroundings as soon as Grand Plaza security blipped the VIP pass that Kerry had sent to her mobile.

“Mrs Rathbone,” an oily little guard dressed in casino uniform said, as he raised a velvet rope to let Lauren into a hotel lobby with a five storey atrium, giant waterfalls and chandeliers the size of a mini-van. “I’m Keith Selway, head of security in tower three. You should have called us when you landed, we had a driver waiting for you at the airport.”

Lauren felt gutted, because when she thought about it she even remembered Kerry saying something about a limo pick-up.

“I didn’t even know James Choke had a sister,” Selway said, as he led Lauren towards the elevator. “You must be very proud of him.”

Lauren smiled awkwardly. “Oh, I’m so proud.”

“Do you see your brother often?”

“It’s been a few years,” Lauren said. “But our children are quite close. James’ three daughters holiday with my brood in Sydney most summers.”

“You live in Australia?”

Lauren nodded. “My husband’s Australian. Now if you don’t mind, I need to get to my room and change as quickly as possible. I can’t really step on to the red carpet looking like this, can I?”

As Lauren spoke, Selway tapped away at a touch-screen computer. He read something before looking up.

“Your phone should operate the lift automatically, there’s no need to check in. As requested, Kerry Choke has arranged for a selection of evening wear and jewellery to be delivered to your room, with her compliments. Simply wear whatever outfit you prefer and the rest will be returned to the shop. A parcel also arrived for you today, and it’s been placed on the desk in your room.”

“Excellent,” Lauren said.

The elevator opened directly into a huge room that was a good deal more tasteful than the building’s exterior. Selway made a great fuss, hoping to earn himself a tip by showing Lauren everything from which button raised the Jacuzzi bath out of the floor, to the electric massage function built into the lounge chairs. In the end Lauren handed over $10 just to get him out of the door.

As soon as Selway was gone, Lauren looked quickly at a clothes rail with half-a-dozen designer dresses on it. She picked one without much thought, along with matching white shoes. She took far more care over unwrapping the small parcel on the desk. It contained a set of screwdrivers and wire cutters, plus a thumbnail-sized wireless modem.

Lauren knelt under the desk and unscrewed the faceplate on a computer network socket. The socket was a standard network port, but when Lauren pulled the cable a few centimetres out of the wall she found the point where the device linked into a fatter optical cable. This cable linked to the hotel’s main network hub and would enable a hacker with suitable passwords to gain high speed access to Choke Grand Plaza’s central computer system.

Between the copper and fibre optic cable was a transponder box that turned electrical pulses into optical ones. Lauren opened its plastic clamshell case and inserted the tiny modem. After crawling out from under the desk she picked up her phone and told it to call Gareth.

“Gareth, I’ve fixed your device into the hotel network,” Lauren told the phone.

“I just saw the connection pop up on my screen,” Gareth replied, sounding a little arrogant. “I’ve been sitting here waiting. I said I’d need an hour to get the job done, but the ceremony starts in less than half that.”

Lauren sounded cross. “Kate’s people asked me to do this as a favour. I’ve got four kids to look after back in Australia, so be grateful for what you’ve got.”

Gareth grunted before hanging up.

Lauren felt anxious as she crawled out from under the desk and screwed the faceplate back on to the network socket. It felt wrong abusing her relationship with James in order to make a political point, but although she still loved her brother it had been years since she’d really connected with him.

Kerry had always kept James grounded, but Lauren felt her brother had given in to his baser instincts when they’d divorced: womanising, gambling and partying. And while James constantly complained about press intrusion, he secretly seemed to revel in his bad-boy-billionaire profile.

...

“Daddy!”

Gwen Choke was 11 years old and still got excited when she saw her dad. James lifted her off the ground as he hugged her. At 13 and 15, Sarah and Ellen were more reserved and settled for kisses on the cheek.

Gwen and Ellen had their mother’s straight dark hair, while Sarah was a blonde who might almost have passed for her auntie Lauren at the same age. All three girls wore matching, slightly punkish, outfits, with black motorcycle boots, red stockings, mini-skirts and leather jackets with the Grand Plaza Casino logo on the back.

“Loving the matching gear,” James said. “Did your mum pick them?”

“They’re horrific,” Ellen spat. “I feel like a billboard. Why can’t I just wear what I like? Everyone else gets to.”

“Your mum’s put a lot of thought into this,” James said, trying to sound parental. “You get to wear what you want the rest of the time, don’t you?”

Kerry stepped into the bare concrete room and sensed her oldest daughter’s unhappiness. “Still moaning about that dress?”

Ellen shrugged. “I’m wearing it, aren’t I, for Christ’s sake?”

James and Kerry kissed. Kerry’s smell always set off a longing inside James, but he tried to ignore it.

“Is Sue not coming?” Kerry asked.

“She’s in a mood,” James said, as he shook his head. “Post-natal depression, I think.”

“I guess that’s the last we’ll be seeing of Sue then,” Sarah said cynically. “I wonder which dumb blonde we’ll be calling Auntie next?”

James wanted to tell his middle daughter off for being sarcastic, but the other two girls were smirking. And it wasn’t like Sarah had said anything that he hadn’t thought himself, so he changed tactics.

“So where’s your husband?” James asked.

“Medical Conference in Toronto,” Kerry said, as she glanced at her watch. “You’ve known for months that Paul wouldn’t be here tonight. Anyway, it’s time we rolled out.”

“Mum reckons Auntie Lauren’s coming as well,” Gwen said. “She’s not got her kids with her, but it’s still cool. I haven’t seen her since summer.”

“Haven’t bumped into her,” James said dismissively. “And I’ve no idea why she’s here. Last time I spoke to Lauren about the casino business she told me that it leeches profits from the poor and stupid and leads to gambling addiction and family breakdown. So what’s she doing at the opening of a glitzy new casino?”

“Casino do leech their profits from the poor and stupid,” Ellen said, unable to resist having a dig at her parents.

James laughed. “I tell you what Ellen, when you get your driver’s permit how about I make a charitable donation to gamblers anonymous in your name, instead of buying that Porsche you’re after?”

“She’d wreck a Porsche if she got it, anyway,” Sarah said.

“Shut up, bitch,” Ellen snapped back.

“You two,” Kerry shouted. “Behave!”

Sensing that family harmony was about to collapse, Kerry turned the conversation back towards Lauren.

“Maybe Lauren just saw an opportunity to make up for lost time,” Kerry suggested. “You two used to be so close. When did you last speak to her?”

James shrugged. “She phoned me at Christmas? Or was it when the girls were in Australia the summer before last?”

Gwen sounded outraged. “That’s fifteen months, daddy. How can you go fifteen months without talking to your own sister?”

“They had a fight,” Ellen said.

“Lauren and I never had a fight,” James said firmly. “We just grew apart. We lead different lifestyles and have very different attitudes.”

“We need to move now,” Bruce said, as he came into the room through a fire door. “Unless you want to miss your own fireworks.”

The Choke family walked through a concrete corridor that smelled of damp and new paint. It was built under the main fountain at the casino entrance. Kerry’s bodyguards, Alfie and Max, led the way up a spiral staircase. At ground level they all emerged into a luxurious gazebo where a couple of really big name celeb who’d been paid vast sums of money to show their faces at the casino opening nibbled crab-cakes and sipped wine.

Kerry made a big show of hugging everyone, while James helped eleven-year-old Gwen overcome her shyness and get an autograph off the star of her favourite TV show. At precisely six minutes to midnight, the first firework barrage lit up the sky.

James felt like he’d entered a warzone as he stepped along the red carpet towards the Grand Plaza’s huge Gothic-columned entrance, with a long haired daughter on each arm. Fireworks cracked above and hundreds of cameras flashed, from both photographers in the press area and snappers in the 30,000 strong crowd.

As another blast of fireworks erupted, a woman broke through the security barriers and threw a giant pair of gold knickers at James’ head. They missed, but James stopped to pick them up as security guards dragged the woman away.

“Thank you so much,” James said. “I always wear this brand and I was running low.”

James got a gentle whack from middle daughter Sarah. “Dad, you’re so embarrassing. If the boys in my class see a picture of me in the paper wearing this stupid outfit while you hold up a pair of gold knickers I’ll die of embarrassement.”

But James barely heard his daughter’s complaint because the next barrage of fireworks was powerful enough to shake the ground they walked on.

Two dozen VIPs had been given giant scissors to cut the ribbon on the stroke of midnight and declare the casino open, but before that could happen there would be a short video presentation of all the thrills that the new casino was going to offer.

Lauren wasn’t important enough to get scissors, but she had been allowed to stand with a slightly larger group of VIPs off to one side of the casino entrance. Her three nieces all made a beeline as soon as they spotted her.

“Auntie Lauren it’s been ages!” Sarah said, as Gwen hugged her.

“I totally want another holiday at your vineyard,” Ellen said. “It’s so mellow out there.”

“How’s Uncle Rat?” Sarah asked.

“Did that sick horse get better?” Gwen added.

“Uncle Rat and Mabel the horse are both much better,” Lauren said. “Rat’s hair’s grew back after the chemotherapy stopped and I really hope you can all make it out to Australia for Christmas this year. I know my kids are mad keen to see you again.”

“I want to go surfing again,” Sarah said. “And little Mac is so cute.”

James was approaching too, but as he was about to pull Lauren into a hug she felt her phone vibrate and took it out of her bag to see a message from Gareth that read, Job done. Seconds to spare!

“Was that more important than me?” James said irritably as Lauren stared at the phone.

“Little Mac’s got an ear infection,” Lauren lied, as they finally hugged. “Doctor’s given him antibiotics.”

“Sorry to hear that,” James said. “It’s been way too long since I saw you. I think you were pregnant with Mac and how old is he now?”

“Three next month,” Lauren said, as they squeezed each other. “You should visit when Kerry and the girls fly over. You stopped coming, but I never stopped inviting you.”

“Maybe I will this year,” James said, though it as an empty promise: he didn’t share his daughters’ liking for Lauren and Rat’s dusty ranch and vineyard, and the Aussie press didn’t give him enough room to misbehave when he went out partying in Sydney.

“You’re coming Daddy!” Gwen said, wagging her finger. “I heard you promise.”

“I said maybe I’ll go,” James replied, but he tailed off because the fireworks had stopped and the sixty storey casino towers had blacked out, apart from two vast video screens erected to show a short promotional film.

James had watched and approved the video himself, so he was unpleasantly surprised when instead of showing a sweeping helicopter shot of his new casino, the screens cut to a picture of his second ex-wife, the gorgeous movie actress Kate Porpoise.

She stood against a stark grey background and began speaking to camera.

“Don’t worry everyone,” Kate began, in a soothing voice. “In two minutes time the lights will come back on, the casino doors will open on schedule and you can all have some fun. But before you walk through the doors, maybe you should think about all the glass, concrete and steel that went into making this vat new casino, and all the resources it will use before it gets all shabby and they blow it up and build a replacement.

“Maybe you can also spare a thought for the four construction workers who were seriously injured during the building process. And maybe instead of going inside and gambling your money in order to make the Choke Corporation even richer than it is already, you could take five or ten dollars and help make the world a better place by donating it to one of the following organisations. Thanks for listening and whatever you decide to do, I hope you have a great evening!”

The crowd and VIPs looked stunned or confused as a short list of organisations and money transfer barcodes flashed up on screen. James whacked Ellen’s hand as she held up her phone, but he didn’t manage to stop her before several dozen photographers snapped her using the spend function to donate $70 to an environmental group.

“Your mother is going to be livid,” James said. “She spent months making sure every detail of this ceremony was spot on.”

Kerry walked up to James and whispered in his ear as a ten second countdown appeared on the screen.

“Keep smiling for the cameras,” Kerry snarled, with the worlds fakest grin etched on her face. “But I’m going to sue that bitch ex-ife of yours for every penny she has.”

“Seven,” the crowd chanted. “Six...”

“Our company will not be suing my ex-wife,” James said. “She’s the mother of my twins. Think about the boys.”

“Five...”

“So what, we just let her get away with this bullshit?” Kerry hissed.

“It’s the hacker we should worry about,” James pointed out as the crowd chanted four. “If they can hack into hotel systems can they get into the air conditioning, or the security cameras? There’s over ten million dollars cash stored in the casino vault.”

“Three...”

“I’ve already texted the security director telling him he’s fired,” Kerry said.

“Two...”

Lauren had recoiled slightly at the thought of a hacker hunt, but nothing could ever be traced back to her, provided she removed the modem she’d attached to the network socket in her room before she checked out the following morning.

“One...Zero!”

Cheers erupted as the countdown clock reached zero and a midnight chimed. Gwen Choke joined the celebrities in cutting the ribbon with giant scissors and then the two lines of security guards stepped out of the way and allowed the huge crowd to surge up a dozen escalators into Las Vegas’ newest and most luxurious casino.

James turned to Lauren after Kerry and his daughters had headed inside with the crowd.

“Still playing jokes on your big brother eh?” James said, smiling fondly.

Lauren practically swallowed her tongue. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Aww give over,” James said. “You and Kate Porpoise have always got on well. You’re both into environmental causes and it’s pretty damned suspicious that you should fly in from Australia and turn up out of the blue for a casino opening when you hate casinos.”

“I just came here to catch up with you,” Lauren said unconvincingly. “I’m meeting a friend in New York for dinner tomorrow and I had to change planes somewhere along the way.”

“Kerry will be pissed off, but I don’t much care,” James said casually. “We’ve shelled out millions of dollars in adverts and paid celebrities to walk down our red carpet on opening night, but I’d bet that little sabotage stunt you and your eco friends have pulled off will get us more publicity than all of that.”

“Bad publicity,” Lauren said.

“There’s no such thing,” James said. “Well, maybe if I got my wang out and tried molesting some cocktail waitress over a craps table that would be bad publicity. But a few eco-mental hippy types whinging won’t hold much sway with our customers.”

Lauren bristled with anger at her brother’s description of environmentalists, but Bruce tactically intervened.

“Hiya, Lauren,” Bruce said warmly, as he hugged his old friend. “Are you in Vegas for long? I’d love for you to come over for dinner and meet my boys. I’m giving them all ninja training. My three year old smashes roof slates with his bare hand.”

“Bruce, I want you to escort Lauren up to her room,” James said, sounding more like a boss than a friend. “Help her to remove her hacking equipment before hotel security has a chance to find it.”

Bruce looked awkwardly at Lauren, before pointing at the big screen, which was now back to showing the Grand Plaza casino logo.

“I should have known it was you,” Bruce said, smiling. “That’s old skool! The kind of prank we’d have pulled back in our CHERUB days.”

James didn’t like the fact that Bruce found it so funny and shook his head. “I’ll never hear the end of this if Kerry finds out,” James told Bruce. “Frankly Lauren, I can’t understand why you’ve done this. Maybe you and I aren’t that close anymore, but our kids are and they’ll be the ones who’ll get hurt the most if you fall out with Kerry.”

James had a good argument, but Lauren wasn’t about to accept a lesson in responsibility from one of the most irresponsible men she’d ever met, so she snapped back angrily. “Jesus James, the planet is choking to death and you’re building a casino with ten thousand air conditioning units in the middle of a desert. How can you live with yourself?”

“I live very nicely,” James said, grinning. “In my 53rd floor penthouse with a stunning girlfriend half my age, a private jet and a woman who charges eight hundred dollars to manicure my nails.”

Bruce sensed that this argument was about to get explosive and pushed himself between the sibling.

“Come on, you two,” Bruce said. “Cool heads, eh?”

“Just get her out of town,” James said, as he took a step back. “When you’re done in Lauren’s room, take her to the airport and arrange for one of the Choke Corporation jets to fly her to New York, or wherever it is she’s really going.”

“Goodnight James,” Lauren said, as her brother turned to head back into his corporation’s new ten-billion-dollar casino complex.

But the funny thing was, although James and Lauren hadn’t agreed on anything in years, there was so much history between them that they couldn’t bring themselves to hate each other.

James turned back to Lauren. “Am I still invited for Christmas Dinner?” he asked.

Lauren smiled. “Always.”

“Then I’ll be there, with my girls this year,” James said. “And as long as you let me know how your hacker friends got into our computer system, I’ll make sure that Kerry never finds out that you were involved.”

Lauren smirked. “Hacking your casino was easy because you never change your password. You’ve been using LordSexyPants55 since you first joined CHERUB.”

James jaw dropped, but he tried to brush it off as he disappeared into a mass of bodies, surrounded by casino security guards and members of the public. They reached out to shake James’ hand and begged fro autographs.

Bruce and Lauren headed the other way, walking down the now desolate red carpet, past the empty press pen and back towards the gazebo while the crowds continued pouring up the escalators.

“So, do you hear much from the old gang?” Bruce asked.

“I see Rat most days,” Lauren said.

“I mean apart from your husband,” Bruce said, laughing. “Kyle’s disappeared off my radar lately.”

Lauren nodded. “He wasn’t even at the last campus reunion. Gabrielle came out to Aus for a holiday last year with her husband. She’s earning big bucks working for a bank in Hong Kong. Bethany e-mails every now and then, but I haven’t seen her in years. And of course there’s people like Kevin and Dante, who’ve got jobs at CHERUB.”

“And Callum and Connor design skyscrapers,” Bruce said. “Did you see that thing they built in Taipei?”

“Monstrosity,” Lauren said. “But it won like a gazillion awards, so what do I know?”

“Next time you’re in Vegas, you must stay long enough to have dinner with my family,” Bruce said.

“Join us for Christmas out in Aus,” Lauren said. “I assume my brother pays you well enough to take the family on a good holiday once in a while.”

“He pays me a lot,” Bruce said. “But I’m not sure it’s enough for some of the messes I have to clean up, or some of his majesty’s little tantrums.”

“He can be such a pig,” Lauren said. “I’ve actually lost count of how many kids James has got now. Is it eight?”

“Ten,” Bruce said, “by six different women. But for all James’ money, and being the party boy clubbing ‘til 5am and hanging out with rock stars and being in the gossip columns, I don’t actually think he’s a very happy person.”

“Kerry?” Lauren asked.

“Obviously,” Bruce said solemnly. “James has always loved her and always will. But Kerry gave him more chances than he deserved and he still got his picture in the paper coming out of a nightclub with his hand up a stripper’s shirt.”

“If he’s unhappy he’s got nobody to blame but himself,” Lauren said firmly. “So, do you wanna stop off at a bar on the way to the airport? I don’t know about you, but I could murder a gin and tonic or five.”

Bruce looked at his watch. “Vegas is supposed to be a party town, isn’t it? So yeah, why the hell not?”