#“im taking the dog dumbass”

[iamactivedoggy]

Taking the Dog, Dumbass! 🐾 A Jennifer Coolidge Legally Blonde Tote Bag Review

Hey there, fabulous fashionistas and movie buffs! If you're a fan of iconic movie quotes and chic accessories, then you're in for a treat. In this burst of creativity, we're diving into the world of the "im taking the dog dumbass" tote bag, inspired by the ever-hilarious Jennifer Coolidge in Legally Blonde. So grab your popcorn and get ready for a wild ride as we explore this quirky and stylish tote bag!

1. Unveiling the Hilarity: "im taking the dog dumbass"

If you're a movie lover, chances are you've chuckled at the hilarious antics of Jennifer Coolidge's character, Paulette, in Legally Blonde. One iconic scene features Paulette boldly declaring, "im taking the dog dumbass" as she claims ownership of her beloved pup. This classic line has now found its way onto a tote bag that's sure to turn heads and spark conversations wherever you go!

2. Chic Meets Quirky: The Tote Bag Design

This tote bag is not your average, run-of-the-mill accessory. Oh no! It's a delightful fusion of chic style and quirky humor. The bag comes in a sleek, minimalist design, with a high-quality print that showcases Jennifer Coolidge's iconic quote in bold, eye-catching letters. Crafted from durable materials, it's spacious enough to hold all your daily essentials while flaunting your love for movie classics.

3. Versatility: A Bag for All Occasions

One of the best things about this tote bag is its versatility. Whether you're heading to the office, hitting the beach, or running errands around town, this bag has got your back - quite literally! It adds a touch of humor to your everyday look, making it a standout conversation starter. And let's not forget the ultimate perk - it's a fantastic icebreaker for bonding with fellow Legally Blonde enthusiasts!

4. A Thoughtful Gift: Sharing the Laughs

Looking for the perfect gift for your best friend who's a Legally Blonde fanatic? Look no further! This tote bag makes for a thoughtful and fun present that'll bring smiles and laughter all around. Imagine the joy on their face as they unbox this delightful tribute to Jennifer Coolidge's comedic brilliance. It's a gift that keeps on giving laughter and fashion-forward vibes!

Conclusion: Embrace the Laughs and the Fashion!

In the world of fashion, there's nothing quite like a statement accessory that speaks volumes about your personality. The "im taking the dog dumbass" tote bag does just that, blending humor, style, and a touch of movie magic into one delightful package. Whether you're a Legally Blonde fan or simply enjoy adding a quirky twist to your wardrobe, this tote bag is a must-have.

So, dear readers, as we bid adieu to this burst of creativity and human-like charm, don't miss out on the opportunity to embrace the laughs and the fashion. Unleash your inner Paulette, strut your stuff with confidence, and let your tote bag do the talking! From the courtroom to the coffee shop, you'll be turning heads and spreading joy with every step you take. Now go forth and rock that tote bag like the fabulous fashionista you are! 💃👜

[shintaru]

I’m taking the dog dumbass

[eleadore]

you love him for who he could be, i love him for who he is

— me, taking full custody of draco malfoy

[goldenfoxthe1st]

idk how to put this thought into words but. im thinking about how dazai said chuuya makes him feel alive and chuuya thought he wasnt human (maybe still thinks to this day) and how in THAT scene chuuya "killed" dazai while pretending to be a vampire (not a human). and then bam turns out dazai is alive and chuuya was a human all along. idk i feel like theres some symbolism in this but i cant put it into words

[jonathanbyersphd]

If Steve lives they really should let him go to beauty school I think he'd like that

[holdmymetaphor]

ok i watched hazbin hotel and helluva boss recently and im obsessed with the idea of house dying and going to crazy cartoon hell. hed be mad at first bc ofc hell is real. and then he would thrive and honestly i think itd be really funny

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

hate how im now at a point where im legit like kicking my legs and grinning like an idiot over fictional characters SEND HELP

[sailorbaguette]

HELP I ACCIDENTALLY DECAPITATED MY DAZAI FIGURE

[savethepinecones]

laying on the couch while petsitting and some neighborhood dog started barking so of course these guys had to rum outside to bark as well. the big dog whos like lab size was sitting on the other end of the couch and fucking leapt over me to get to the pet door i about had a heart attack holy shit

[pacofprunes]

wishful thinking

thanos/su-bong x pregnant! reader (fluff, comfort)

warnings — thanos and reader have matching tattoos, crying, mentions of sex, cursing, mentions of pissing on a door, pregnant reader, switching of referring to thanos and subong so hope you don’t get too confused, use of bitch (not towards reader), lowercase, typical squid game shit so mentions of blood and death,

you joined these games because although you thought it was too good to be true, it was all you could do. your shitty ex su-bong making you invest all your money into some dumbass crypto scam and blowing all of your guys money on drugs, childish bets, and gambling. after he blew both your guys money out, you left him, blocked him on everything, ignored your doorbell when he’d attempt to see you in person, everything. but two months after you broke up, it all came crashing down. you found out you were pregnant. and he was the only one you let see that part of you, it was his. but you were sure he moved on and even if he hadn’t, you couldn’t take him back. if he was this much of an incompetent person, he’d definitely be a terrible father. you didn’t want him in your life or your child’s.

besides some guy you assumed to have dementia or be on drugs, the game was going pretty smooth. until it wasn’t and it turns out the guy wasn’t crazy and people all around you were dying. blood splatting on your face left and right. you finally find a method and stay behind other people and everything was going smoothly again besides the intense stress and pressure. your heart and stomach feeling heavy. but the next time that doll turns around you hear a bunch of screams and you look to the right and see that su-bong was here too, and he had just pushed all of those people. he looked crazed. you just ignore it and try not to think about it, finally passing that finish line and being done with the first game, waiting for a full explanation.

you all move back into the main rooms that contained all your beds and people start screaming and yelling for answers. crying to go home, begging for their lives. you too wanted to go home, but you had so much on your mind. so much that you don’t notice your ex is nearing right behind you.

“señorita! oh my god baby is that you?”

he grabs your shoulder and turns you around to face him and you look up at him, frowning your eyebrows. he starts grabbing your face in his hands, touching all over you, not being able to comprehend it was you.

“oh god, it is you, babe, are you okay? where have you been i’ve missed you—”

“subong, stop. we’re not together, and we never will be ever again.”

you push his hands off your face and step back to put some distance between you two, still giving him a major glare. he reaches his arms out towards you again as if he was slowly trying to pick up a scared puppy.

“cmon— you can’t still be mad. baby, i’ll make it up to you, especially now.”

you look behind him and see a few people waiting on him, clearly eavesdropping. he turns around and looks at you again, a puppy dog look on his face but you shake it off.

“it’s not going to work subong. the debt im in now is insane because of you!”

he holds his right hand out before grabbing your right hand.

“baby please — we got these tattoos together,”

you look down at your hands and see the matching line placements decorating both of your hands. it was a stupid idea. you’d been dating for a little over a year, you shouldn’t had done it, you knew that. but you could barely pay for your bills, you definitely couldn’t pay to remove a tattoo. but deep in your heart you wished he was different, wished you could forgive him because deep down you still loved him. that tattoo was a sick reminder of that everyday. you realize you’d been staring at the two of your hands for a while before pulling away quickly. he looks at you with a smile and hope in his eyes. he places both of his hands on your shoulders again.

“see, we’re meant to be. it was a mistake, i know, i did it out of the goodness of my heart! for us, for you, you know that.”

you scoff at him.

“no. no i don’t know that. we’re not getting back together choi su-bong, that’s final.”

his hands go limp on your shoulders before you speak up, saying your next few choice of words slightly quieter as his fans or friends or whoever was still behind you two, stop eavesdropping.

“and just so you know, i’m pregnant. it’s yours. i’m keeping it. i don’t need you to help me. i’ll find a way to make money and i’ll raise my child.”

he stares at you stunned before you push away and move through the crowd. you hear him yell for you, yelling that cringy señorita pet name your way, but you ignore him, trying to hide in the crowd, listening to what the guards say as he drowns in the sea of people.

the guard mentions voting and how you guys were gonna vote whether to stay or leave. part of you wanted to stay still, but if you died, so did your baby. and you were scared out of your mind, nothing able to comfort you. so you knew you were going to choose to leave. you weren’t in insane debts but you still had a lot. the money they were offering after the first game was nowhere near close enough to pay it all off. you would have to play one more game, maybe even two to pay it off, but you couldn’t take any risks. they start calling from highest to lowest numbers and once they call ‘player 230’, your shitty ex makes his way down the line, skipping to smack that blue button, choosing to stay. it only made you wanna choose the other side even more. your turn comes and you choose to leave, sticking the red ‘x’ on your chest. you could see him staring at you through the corner of your eye, but you just chose to ignore it. creepy bastard.

after arguments and close physical alterations, the voting was over. you had lost, you’d be staying for another game. you wanted to go but at least you’d have an opportunity to make a little more money, you guess…

“excuse me, young lady, would you like to join us?”

you look over to a short older woman holding onto your arm, pointing over to a small group of people who were sitting on their beds. you give her a small smile and nod, letting her take you over there. she signals where you can sit and you move slowly while holding your stomach, letting out a deep breath once you finally get down all the way. you look around and there’s an older man, a younger girl, and another woman with some very strong features. the older woman speaks.

“i mean, i can’t believe they chose to stay! no offense hyun-ju, but come on!”

the older woman smacks her hand down on the bed and you give her a sympathetic and understanding look. she looks up at you before she gets a surprised look on her face and quickly flails herself around to get her composure.

“right! ma’am, this is my son yong-sik, this is young-mi, and this is hyun-ju.”

she pauses looking at you and sits up quickly again.

“oh, and you can call me mrs jang.”

she gives you a teethy smile. realizing she’s waiting for you to introduce yourself you let out an oh and tell her who you are and she grabs your hands into hers and rubs circles into them.

“oh that name is so pretty. a pretty name for such a pretty girl.”

her son yong-sik slaps her shoulder and then they start arguing. you just sit there happy to have the company before you look to your right and see subong on the other side staring at you. you quickly look away and look down at your legs, biting your lip.

“yo, who’s that girl? you were arguing with her earlier. she’s smoking.”

he keeps staring before snapping his head back at nam-gyu.

“you are right, she is smoking hot.”

he pauses.

“well you see nam-su—”

“nam-gyu…”

“right right, nam-gyu, anyways, that’s my girl over there, okay? she just playin’ hard to get right now is all’,”

nam-gyu raises his eyebrows, getting an idea.

“soo, you gonna let me have a turn with that, right?”

thanos slaps his arm.

“nah bro, i normally share but that, ive had dibs on her for at least two years.”

he slaps nam-gyus arm again and then grabs it, causing nam-gyu to let out an ‘ow bro’,

“don’t worry bro! i’m sure we can find ya a bitch in here though! keep your mind busy and dick wet and we’re sure to win this whole thing.”

he slaps his arm one last time before nam-gyu slaps him back, thanos just laughing before slowly going back to watching you. trying to figure out how he should go about this. deciding that he’d just wait until everyone was asleep to talk to you again.

night time comes around and you had to piss. this fucking sucked. you had none of your pain killers, and you were about to crawl into a ball and start ripping your skin off from the pain you were in. but right now just focus on pissing. just focus on pissing you thought. you get up slowly, clutching your stomach before walking up to the door to the bathroom, knocking on it, waiting for someone to answer. finally the window slides open and you’re met with a triangle looking at you, or at least you think he, it? is looking at you.

“uhm, excuse me, i need to use the washroom.”

“players may not leave this room past your given curfew.”

the window to the door shuts. you take a deep breath, not willing to cause a scene and just about walk away before a guy walks up behind you and starts making a scene for you. that guy being su-bong.

“hey, me and my girl are tryna fuck, if you want we can do it right in the middle of this fucking room!”

it doesn’t work and the door doesn’t open.

“im not a girl! i have a penis and i know how to fucking aim. the next time you open this door it’s gonna be fucking yellow instead of pink i promise you that! i gotta heavy ass piss stream i been holdin’ and i can let out all over this door!”

you slap him, asking him what he was doing and that he was being crazy. but if you were being honest you were trying to stiffle a laugh. he always was funny, and in your relationship he always knew how to make you laugh. you’re pulled out of your thoughts when somehow what he said actually worked and they opened the door for you both. you make your way to the bathrooms and it’s silent the whole time. he was thinking of what to say to you. a million things running through his mind. you make it to the two bathrooms and you go and open the women’s bathroom door before it feels ten time lighter and you see subong holding the door open for you. giving you a cheeky grin. you just look at him before making your way into the bathroom and the door closing behind you. you hadn’t even noticed that you were holding your breath before you breathe out and realized your lungs were burning.

“i really have missed you, you know?”

you snap your head around and see that he had followed you into the bathroom and you call him a perv, yelling at him to get out.

“hey! i’m not here to fuck alright. i mean, unless you’re down then babe, let’s get it fucking going.”

he claps his hands together and you give him a disgusted look before going into one of the bathroom stalls and slamming the door shut so you could finally piss. but when you were done actually doing your business, you just sat there with your face in your hands. he was stressing you out, this baby was stressing you out, and this place was stressing you out and you were on the verge of a breakdown.

“i’m not coming out until you’re gone.”

you see his feet right under the bathroom stall door you were in and groan. hearing the door creak a little, assuming he was leaning against it, which he was.

“baby, please. i just want us again. i’ve missed you so much, you’ve been the only thing on my mind since you left.”

you started to tune him out and started rubbing your face in your hands even more, feeling your eyes start to water, your breath getting caught in your throat, your sniffing starting to become louder before one of your sobs slips and he hears it. asking if you were okay and you just ignore him, covering your mouth with your hand, continuing to cry.

“please let me in.”

you take a deep breath and slightly get up to unlock the door before sitting back down on the toilet seat, face still in your hands. he crouches down to you and cups your face in his hands before he pulls you in for a hug and starts rubbing circles into your back. your sobs getting louder as you burry your face into his bloody jacket, but you really weren’t thinking about that. god thinking of when you two were like this made you start to regret the past, yearn for a future with you two, and hate the present situation you were in. still crying into his jacket as he continues to try to soothe you with his touch. he pulls away after awhile and pushes your tears away with his thumb. his heart crumbling as he sees your teary orbs looking him in the eyes. you’d cried to him before when you were together, and he had comforted you many times before, but never had he seen you this distraught. he hooks his arm under your shoulder and lifts you to standing and he moves you out of the bathroom stall. you wipe your tears away, mumbling a sorry, avoiding all eye contact with him, looking at the ground.

“baby, look at me.”

your eyes look around at the ground before you slowly move your head up to look at him, a small pout on your lips. biting them from the nerves. it was a bad habit you’d never gotten rid of, you’ve had it since he’s met you. he looks at you, almost looking through your eyes. he places one hand on your arm, and grabs your right hand in his right hand, the matching tattoos clashing together.

“please, give me another chance. we’ll figure out the money, work, all of it.”

he pauses and looks down at your stomach. moving the hand that was on your arm to hold your stomach. looking up at you for confirmation that he could and you give him a small nod before he rubs the side of your tummy.

“i just can’t believe it. you should’ve told me!”

he raises his voice and you look away. still about to completely knaw off your lip.

“i didn’t think you’d want to stay. can you blame me?”

he pauses his rubs on your stomach, other hand still in yours and moves the hand that was on your stomach to your face, making you look at him. putting his thumb on your lips, getting you to stop biting them.

“i promise i want to be there for you and for our baby.”

you take a deep breath and he rubs his thumb on your tattoos.

“i won’t leave you, i’ll be better for us, i promise baby.”

you whisper under your breath. can’t believing you were about to say what was about to come out of your mouth.

“you promise…?”

his eyes light up.

“i promise baby.”

he pulls you into a tight hug and he hears you groan, forgetting that he might’ve been putting too much pressure on your belly. he gives you an awkward smile and he takes your hand into his and holds both your guys hands up to your face, as if showing you that he was never gonna let go of you again, and you two couldn’t be separated. you give him a light smile before letting go of his hand and he gives you a look of confusion.

“what? you never gave me the chance to wash my hands.”

[atomicqueer]

.

[starstruckbich]

MORE ROOMMATE AU SMUT I BEG YOU!! strap maybe..? 😏🙏🏽

my dumbass forgot to check my inbox so a little late but here we go.

18+ mdni men dni strap usage, strap sucking, jealous college roomate vi, fem!reader.

Ever since you and Vi had sex that one time, she hasn't left you alone.

That's her solution for everything, whether it is stress from college or really anything else. Sex. She doesn't get off of you, following you like a dog at every party you attend, waiting for the right moment to pull you into your bedroom.

But you denied her this time, well, you didn't, but that's what it sounded like to her.

"Vi, later, alright?" You say in a stern tone, trying to talk to a girl you've been interested in befriending. Vi, of course, stands there like she just got slapped to her face.

As much as she'd hate to admit it, she has gotten attached to you. So when the party is over and you enter your bedroom, she can't help but throw you on that bed herself.

Your face is burried agaisnt the pillow, both wrists pinned behind your back.

"vi! I didn't-!" You gasp, trying to explain yourself.

"shut the fuck up." She growls, her voice commanding and breathy, seeing the tip of her strap stretch you out.

"ohh fuckk...!" You groan, her hands moving to grip your hips as she burries the strap deeper into your tight cunt. You cry in response, tightening your walls around her plastic cock.

"you're so fucking wet...a fuckin' mess..." She whispers.

She slams deep into you without warning, relentless, the headboard making noise agaisnt the wall, as your ass slaps on her hips.

Her fingers dig onto your hips, making you moan in response, unable to form words already.

"who were you talking to, huh?" She huffs.

You're unable to respond, blabbering words out of your mouth like a fucked out slut.

"you're taking me so damn good... think she could fuck you like this?" Vi scoffs, her pace still going strong, the sounds of skin slapping filling the room. "shooin' me away like im some kind of... fuck... " She groans, her pace making you gasp for air.

"you're so fucking pathetic... She grips your hair. "has she fucked you before, huh? In this bed?" Her strap burrying deep in you, making you jolt from the pleasure.

"N-no Vi, was just trying to- ngh-! get to know her-"

"Bullshit." She grabs a fistful of your hair, raising your head. She ruts into you , the strap hitting that sweet spot you love so much. "you were..ngh- looking at her like she was a piece of meat!"

She gets frustrated, hearing your uncoherent moans and whimpers. "god you're so such a slut- fuck-" She mocks, a hidden pleasure in her tone. Your back arches, trying to push up agaisnt her, to no avail.

She lands a harsh slap agaisnt your ass, making your body jerk forwards, the strap slipping out slightly. Vi slams it back onto you again.

"nuh uh.. you're not running away, you're taking every fucking inch..."

You grasp onto the sheets, those usual filthy sounds leaving your mouth.

"yeah that's right, taking everything i give you..." Vi smirks, seeing your legs tremble.

"you're trembling... how adorable..." She says mockingly, her pace speeding up.

"Ahn-!" You moan, feeling tears running over your face.

She keeps up the pace, keeping you from squirming away, feeling you tighten around her at every thrust.

"gonna fuck this dick so hard into you... until you memorize the fuckin' shape, do you hear me?" She huffs, tugging at your hair once again, looking down at your thighs to see the wetness.

"god you're so fuckin' wet. aren't you ashamed of yourself? so needy..." She picks up the pace, fucking you harder at every sound you let out. Her thrusts send multiple jolts of pleasure around your body, heat pooling in your core.

She moans as if she can feel you around her cock, desperately rutting into you, like you're going to slip away. She's hitting your sweet spot, making your eyes roll to the back of your head. She rolls her hips, her front pressing your back. Vi can't help herself, she loves this.

"fuck... love this pussy... so tight and ready for me... isn't it?" Vi whispers into your ear. "you like that spot? yeah?" She chuckles, her voice low.

"then why don't you make a mess on my cock, hm?" She says, lips brushing agaisnt your earlobe, getting a whine out of you.

"yeah that's a good girl..." She whispers. "you don't need anyone else right? all you need is my cock filling you up..." She presses your stomach with her hand. "feel that? that bulge?" She teases.

"y-yes, i feel it..." You whimper incoherently, nodding frantically.

"fuck, you love this don't you?" She mocks, her words sending a wave of pleasure through you.

"yes yes yes, i love it..." You whine.

Vi doesn't slow down, fucking you with a bruising force,, yanking you back into her strap again and again. The pace is harsh and merciless, making your pussy burn so good.

"look at you... gonna cum, yeah? make a mess on my cock?" She laughs, picking up the pace.

She sends you over that sweet edge, your whole body shaking in pleasure as Vi fucks you through it.

"oh look at that..." She says mockingly, seeing the juices leak out of your pussy, now all puffy and warm. "what a fucking sight princess..." She smiles, squeezing one of your ass cheeks and looking at the mess you've made.

You lay down agaisnt the blanket, gasping for air and trying to crawl away to lay your head on your pillow. Only to be stopped by Vi's rough grip on your legs.

"not done yet.. gonna fuck till' you can´t stand..." She slams into you again, pounding you agaisnt the mattress. "gonna be my toy for the night! fuck!" She moans, not slowing down.

"V-Vi! I c-can't!-"

"yes you can. gonna take it like a good girl..."

Your whole body shakes, welcoming the girth of her strap once again. Her fingers go to your clit, earning multiple borken cries from you.

Your body is sensitive and spent, completly at her mercy as she fucks into you again.

"Vi! Can't take it, gonna cum-!

Your body shakes again, tightening around her again, hard.

"fuck baby, again? that was fast..." She mocks. "you're making a mess all over the sheets..."

An idea pops into Vi's head, making her smirk.

"fine then. but i'm not done yet."

Before you can answer, she's turning you around and getting you on top of her, lowering your head to her hips.

The tip of her strap hits your lips, wet with your own arousal.

"cmon princess, you gotta atleast entertain me after shooing me away..." She coaxes, taking a handful of your hair and gently guiding your head down.

Your mouth opens to take in her strap, looking up at her with those cute eyes she loves.

You bob your head up and down, gagging on her strap, wetting it with your spit, letting out little whimpers. Vi looks down at you, stupid grin on her face.

"i could get used to this..."

[sosasturns]

shoota!chris PRACTICIN

…IN WHICH CHRIS TEACHES YOU HOW TO AIM, BLURB

your first clue that chris had let himself into your crib was your dog, tunechi, going crazy at the front door, his tiny ass body damn near vibrating with rage. the little yorkie hated men, but he hated chris the most.

“shut y’lil ass up before i punt you like a football,” chris muttered, kicking the door shut with the heel of his sneaker. tunechi barked louder.

you didn’t even hear either of them, too caught up in brina’s voice blasting through your phone as you leaned over the sink, perfecting the sharp cut of your winged liner.

“bitch, i swear on my life she knew that man was fucking someone else. that’s why she fake acted shocked, ‘cause how you find out your man cheating on you and still go to work the next day?” brina cackled in your ear.

“you right, you right,” you hummed, switching to your lip liner, tilting your head to get the angle just right. “i woulda been in shambles.”

chris leaned against the bathroom doorway, watching you, his hand casually tucked into his sweats. his gaze dragged over you, down the curve of your waist, the way your dress hugged your ass, the way your gold anklet glinted under the bathroom lights.

“where you goin’ lookin’ all sexy?” he rasped, voice thick with that familiar, lazy drawl.

you caught his reflection in the mirror, rolling your eyes when you saw him standing there. “work, chris. like i do every night.”

he pushed off the doorframe, stepping into the bathroom, the scent of his cologne and faint traces of weed following him. his chest pressed up against your back, broad and warm, trapping you between him and the counter.

his glock wasn’t the only thing pressing into you.

“how many times i gotta tell you to put that shit on the counter?” you sighed, eyes flicking down, catching the imprint in his sweats—and the heavy outline of the piece he always kept tucked.

chris smirked, dipping his head down, lips grazing your bare shoulder. “thought you liked it when i kept it on me.”

you shivered—you hated that he was right. but what he did outside your crib had nothing to do with you, and you wanted no parts of it.

he let his hands fall to your hips, gripping them, thumbs rubbing slow circles against the fabric of your dress. “you ever learn to aim it?”

you scoffed, fixing your lip liner before pressing your gloss over it. “i don’t need to learn ‘cause i mind my business.”

chris sucked his teeth, shaking his head. “see, that’s why yo ass gon’ be unprepared if some shit ever pop off.” before you could respond, he pulled the piece out, grabbing your hand. “c’mere.”

“chris, no—”

“yes.” he ignored your half-assed protests, flipping your hand over so he could press the cold metal into your palm. his hand covered yours, steady, strong, guiding your fingers into place.

you swallowed, feeling the weight of it—solid, heavy, dangerous. your stomach flipped, thighs clenching slightly.

“keep your wrist firm,” he murmured, voice dropping to that low, low guidance tone, the one that always made your breath hitch. “you feel that? finger off the trigger ‘til you ready.”

your breath was coming a little faster now, and chris noticed. his jaw ticked, eyes dark as he watched you—watched the way your lip parted, the way your lashes fluttered.

“you payin’ attention?”

“mhm,” you hummed, voice airy, distracted by the way his chest felt against your back, by the warmth of his breath against your ear.

chris narrowed his eyes, tilting his head. “aw hell nah. your ass gettin’ turned on.”

“shut up.”

his grip on your hand tightened. “hold it right,” he muttered, guiding your aim, his voice thick with irritation. not ‘cause you weren’t taking it seriously—but because you looked too good like this.

his girl. his gun.

his problem.

@ SOSASTURNS

sosa’s note: don’t ask where that dumbass baby pink color title at. my fawkin ipad dead n im tired. one.

[dykeadvocate]

streamer!ellie x reader pt3

cw: zoophile joke, loser ellie, use of f slur, threats to touch someone, use of the word sigma (soz guys).

a/n; soz for making these so short guys :(( im struggling to write these cuz theyre not like normal fics but i love my streamer!ellie

pt1 pt2

• she loves singing to her chat whilst playing.

"meow meow meow meowww. meow meow meow meow meowww. meow meow meow meoww. meow meow meow meow meoww. meow meow meow meoww meoww." (sung in the tune of 'what was i made for').

@dogsniffer888 yo ellie who sings this

"bilie eilish."

@dogsniffer888 yeah...lets keep it that way :skull:

"wHAT THE FUCK! ban this weird dog-sniffing zoophile right now."

• she's started her 2 week minecraft phase with you and its been great. you've built the most beautiful houses, whilst she's been in the mines and has built a duck statue.

"i have a gift for you. come to the mine exit."

• you meet ellie at the mine exit and shes created a trap. you step on a pressure plate and fucking fall into lava.

"oh bitch."

• she's giggling like its the funniest thing shes ever seen.

"i had your flower in my inventory btw."

"WHAT, OH MY GOD NO! WHY WOULD YOU HAVE THAT."

"maybe dont fucking kill me in lava, dumbass."

• for your anniversary, you host a minecraft server and have a wedding.

• almost 2k people join and the server crashes multiple times. you're forced to choose 30 people to join the wedding which causes a riot in ellie's chat.

@happyfeetfart hope u f4ggots burn and die because i didnt get to be there for u wedding.

@rabbitgiraffemeow hey stfu happyfeetfart. i know where u live and u will be touched. spread them cheeks lil boy

"guys what the sigma..."

• this is the stuff ellie posts on twitter.

@carpetmuncherwilliams

"you make 12yr old boy posts, ellie."

"idgaf."

"did you for real just say the letters instead of the actual word."

"haters gonna hate."

"i need to take away your ipad privileges, jesus christ."

"kill yourself."

[witchthewriter]

𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐱𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

From this poll, this series is born!

a/n: the dragons are able to shift into human-like beings. Taking 'bonded' to a whole other meaning.

This whole post is 18+. No minors. 🧿

ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ | ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ ᴵᴵ

𝑳𝑶𝑹𝑬:

graphic picture ahead -

In the days of Old Valyria Blood Magic was used to create the dragons species by a dragon hybrid choosing a mate. The hybrid had to be in a morphing form into his dragon form. Therefore, creating the dragon spirit that would fill the womb of his human mate.

・Hot-headed, overprotective and showing his animalistic side...always... like a dog with a bone, he will not let anyone touch you, nay; he will not let anyone even look at you too long.

・You often think that the human part of his shift could come out more prominantly, but it just doesn't.

・You do have to remind him that he isn't allowed to kill anyone in his path, that there are rules in human society that are vastly different to the ones in dragon culture.

"Bloody ridiculous, all of it."

・In human form, it's too obvious he isn't human. (Well, yes that is the same with the rest of those who can dragon-shift, but Caraxes cannot let go of his dragon side while human like the others can). It doesn't help that his eyes seem to glow all the time, on his face are tattooed runes from Old Valyria, long thick red hair, darkened lips, pointed ears and extremely large and obvious horns protruding from his head.

・Oh and he was the tallest man you had ever seen

・Standing at 7 feet tall, you thought Westeros had in fact been overrun by some sort of alien creature.

・But no. All dragonshifters are over 6'5 feet. Any less and they are considered still in childhood.

・The first time you saw his human form, you thought he was the most handsome being you had ever laid eyes on.

・A flurry of words that constantly contradicted one another: graceful yet aggressive, mysterious yet direct, there was a pull to him. A pull so ancient that you thought you might die if you didn't follow it.

・And Caraxes was used to ancient authority (he actually hates authority) but still...he knew he needed to listen this time.

・Still an outsider as a human - but he doesn't care, not when he has you.

・He knows how to do Valyrian braids, and loves when you sit on a pillow in front of him while he sits behind you. Humming, which turns to singing - an Old Valyrian one that only mates sing to one another.

・Loves giving you gifts; absolutely showers you in them.

・Caraxes is a shifty, silver-tongued character who is also a big dumbass once he's not playing into the intimidation role

・CONSTANTLY LOYAL AND WILL SQUARE UP TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE.

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

"Caraxes, No." (You) x "...Caraxes Yes..." (Him)

Commits crimes (Caraxes) x Accessory to crimes (You)

Tough on the Outside, Soft on the Inside Kinda (Caraxes) x The Top (You)

𝑹𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

Challenging Social Conventions

Soulmates

Saw You, Instantly Decided You Were His.

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

The Devil & the Daughter by Daniel Pemberton

To Bring You My Love by PJ Harvey

The Sails of Charon by the Scorpions

𝑁𝑆𝐹𝑊 🔞 No one under the age of 18 past this point, makes me feel weird if you read it.

・Caraxes loves to hear your moans, especially when it's his name. He wants it loud, louder, louder. Pouding into you, drunk on your body.

・Then he ends up being just as loud - and then he gets so absorbed by you that he cannot make a comprehensive sentence

・His favourite positions are the ones where you're closest.

・"Just like that, keep going. Keep going beautiful."

・Caraxes loves praise, both giving it and receiving it. He does feel lonely; he would never admit it verbally. But ends up showing it in different ways. Such as this.

𝑺𝒆𝒙𝒖𝒂𝒍 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

"you're so tiny and i dont want to lose control." (Caraxes) and "idc and im gonna taunt you until you break and ruin all my holes" (You)

Breeding Kink

Cockwarming - whines when he can't be inside you. Only you've heard his whines. I swear he would kill anyone else if they heard it.

art credit: https://www.instagram.com/p/C9w5Gd2PiFM/

A/N: This is all my own headcanons and ideas, it's not canon - George hasn't released a lot about how blood magic works, or how the dragons came to be. So I'm ... taking creative liberties. If you have a different opinion then that's cool too!

[anonymusbosch]

on wanting to do a million things

prompted by @bloodshack 's

i wanna learn SQL but i wanna learn haskell but i wanna learn statistics but i wanna start a degree in macroeconomics also sociology also library science but i wanna learn norwegian but i wanna learn mandarin but i wanna paint but i wanna do pottery but i wanna get better at woodworking but i wanna get better at cooking but i wanna bake one of those cakes that's just 11 crepes stacked on top of each other but i wanna watch more movies but i wanna listen to more podcast episodes but i need to rest but i need to exercise but i wanna play with my dog but i wanna go shopping but i need to go grocery shopping but i need to do the dishes but i need to do laundry but i need to buy a new x y and z but i need to save money but i wanna give all my money away to people who need it more but i wanna pivot my career to book editing but to do that i have to read more and i wanna read more nonfiction but i wanna read more novels but i wanna get better at meditating but i wanna volunteer but i wanna plan a party but i wanna go to law school. but what im gonna do is watch a dumbass youtube video and go to bed

I think I've been doing slightly better this year about Actually Doing Things. not great! but I do a lot and I've been "prototyping" ways to get closer to doing as much as is possible. and if I actually talk about it it's a bunch of very obvious statements but I'll try to make them a little more concrete

rule number one: experiment on yourself

there's no one approach that's right for everyone and there's not even one approach for me that works at all times. try things out. see what works. pay attention to what doesn't. try something else.

rule number two: ask what's stopping you and then take it seriously

example: I often want to do Everything in the evening at like 2 PM, but then get home and am tempted sorely by the couch, and then get stuck inertia'd and not doing much but being tired and kind of bored. why?

if I don't have plans, it's easy to leave work later than planned and hard to make myself do something by a specific time

i'm generally tiredish after work. 4 out of 5 times, that'll go away if I actually start Doing Something, but 1 out of 5 it's real and I will go hardcore sleepmode at 8 PM and just be Done

i use up a ton of my program management/executive function/Deciding Things brain at work and usually find it noticeably harder to string together "want to do Thing > make list of Things > decide on a Thing > do Thing" after I'm home. Even if I have a list of Things to Do, how does one decide! how does one start! and god forbid there's a Necessary thing. then it's all downhill

therefore, mitigations: have concrete time-specific plans in advance.

if I have an art class at 6:00 PM I need to leave work by 5:15 and NO LATER and I can't get sucked into "oh 10 more minutes to finish this" *one hour later*

that also means I have to have a fridge or freezer dinner ready and can't spend 45 minutes cooking "fuck it, what the hell did I put in the fridge, why don't we have soy sauce" evil meal that is not good

plans with friends: dinner! art night! music night! repair-your-clothes night! seeing a show! occasionally, Accountability Time where a friend comes over for We Are Doing Tasks with tea and snacks etc.

for some reason I'm way better about Actually Doing Things when the plan exists already. magically I overcome couch inertia even though I am the same amount of tired! and while I never learn the ability to decouch without plans I at least learn to make them

still working on:

a "prototype" for maybe next month is a weeklyish Study Session for a thing I want to learn about. I want to somehow make it employer-proof (I am accountable to some entity to being at place X at time Y) and haven't figured out a good way. Maybe I can leverage that the local library is open til 8 on wednesdays and somehow make it a Thing? maybe I'll try it!

oh god oh fuck the thing about plans is that if you want to have them you need to make them. christ. a lot of the time I can cover this with some combo of weekend planning + recurring events (things like weekly friend dinner/weekly class) + having cool friends who reach out proactively but it still requires active planning and it can fall thru the cracks

rule three: cool friends

they can take you to things

they can remind you that you can do whatever the fuck you please

i have a friend who is somehow Always doing cool classes and learning shit. and this reminds me that I can ... do that. and sometimes I do

you can take them to things!!

rule four: try to kill the anon hate in your head

obv this depends on your circumstance but sometimes it's worth it to me to look at constraints that "feel real" and check whether they're an active choice I made thoughtfully or, like, the specters of people I don't know judging my choices

time and money are obvious ones. recently was gently nudged towards looking at whether i could give myself more time to Do Things by cooking less. imaginary specters of judgmental twitterites: "it's illegal to spend money. if you get takeout you're the first up against the wall when the revoution comes. make all your lunches and dinners and hoard the money for Later. for Something. how dare you get lunch at the store. you bourgeois hoe. taking charity donations from the mouths of the poor cause you don't have your life together enough to cook artisanal bespoke dinners every night. fuck you." and obviously eating takeout 24/7 is not the answer, but realizing I was not making an active choice helped me try making the active choice instead. "how much do I actually want to balance cost, time, tastiness, and wastefulness of my food, given my amount of free time and my salary and the tradeoff against doing something else? can I approach it differently to do more quick cheap food + some takeout?" -> current prototype: substitute in 1 takeout dinner or restaurant-with-friends a week, 1 frozen type dinner, and then batch cook or sandwiches lunches w/ "permission" to get fast lunch at the store. we'll see how it goes!

i am really really bad at this and find it helpful to talk to other people who can help point out when I'm being haunted by ghosts about it.

rule five: what would it take? what's the next step?

this one i give a lot of credit to @adiantum-sporophyte in particular for, especially for prompting me with questions when I muse about the million-ideal-lives on car rides. what would it look like to do xyz? what's something I could do right now to move in that direction? what's the obstacle? like, actually ask the question and think through it. with a person talking to you! damn! maybe the obstacle to x is that I don't know if I'll like it or if I just like the idea of it. and I don't want to commit to x without knowing. Okay, so maybe an approach would be to find someone who does x and talk to them about how their life is, or maybe it's "spend 15 minutes looking up intro-to-x near me", or "actively schedule 1 instance of x", or something like that. Or maybe it's that I don't know what it takes to do x. Okay, how about on Tues after dinner Adiantum fixes a sweater at my apartment while I spend 20 min looking at prereqs for x. like, it's so basic to say "to do a thing, you could try figuring out how to do it" but I think the important thing here is the feedback/prompting to even recognize "hey, step back, if you don't know the next step then figuring out the next step is the next step"

rule six: habits

prototyping: exercise

I do a lot better when I exercise in the mornings. I do a lot better when I do PT exercises regularly. For a while I was doing PT with friend in the morning every morning before work (accountability! a friendly face to make it more pleasant!) but that didn't really solve - it's not the kind of exercise that makes me feel awake/active, it's like dumb little foot botherings. but: having the habit of morning exercise made it easier to swap out 2 of the 5 days for more intense exercise, and then to swap those 2 for a different more intense exercise when I needed a break. it's easier to build a low-effort version of the habit and then work in the higher-effort one than to just Decide to be the kind of person who gets up at ass o clock to do cardio or whatever

rule seven: set up the structure of your life to make it easy

this is also a "duh" thing but like. on so many levels it comes down to structure your life to make the choice more doable. this can be something like "i structure my life to make vegetarian cooking baseline and vegan cooking the majority by stocking the pantry with staples and spices from cuisines that work well that way" or "i chose an apartment that lets me commute by bike" or "i have my camping gear put away in a fashion that makes it easier to gather frequently and lowers the barrier to trips" or "i keep physical books around to prompt myself to read xyz" to "i don't use instagram or twitter or snapchat or facebook" to . idk.

and in terms of charitable giving: similar deal. I have an explicit budget at the beginning of the year (~10% of my before-tax income), I know in advance what charities I give to, and I know what timing I will use (basically, alerts for donation matching around specific fundraising times). Anything outside the Plan comes from my discretionary budget/fun money. That makes it less of a mental load (the choice is already made; I don't grapple with every donation request or every bleeding-heart trap because I have a very solid anchor on "I give to xyz, the money's set aside") and it's armor against impulsive-but-not-useful scrupulosity. I structure the rest of my spending/life to prioritize a set amount and it makes it easier to follow through

rule eight: if you can do it at work a tiny bit that counts for real life

(infrequently used)

"hi mr. manager I think it would be great if I could use enough SQL to make basic queries in the database so we don't have to go through the software team for common/basic questions. I'd like to take 1 hr on Friday to go through some basic tutorials and then 1 hr with Pat on Monday so he can walk me through an intro for our specific use case. I estimate this will help save the team a couple hours a week of waiting for answers from the other team." and then you have enough of a handle with baby's first SQL that you can add little bits and bobs as you exercise it. this is responsible for a medium amount of my knowledge of python and all 3 brain cells worth of SQL.

rule nine: life is an optimization problem

not in, like, "you need to optimize your skincare and career and exercise and social life and have everything all at once" that's not what optimization means. optimization is like, maximize something with respect to a set of constraints. i explicitly Do Not do skincare beyond "wash face" and "sunscreen" bc I want to optimize my life for like looking at weird plants in the mountains. explicitly choosing to put time and money elsewhere! can't have it all all at once. so fuck them pores. who give a shit. yeah i ate a lot of protein shakes instead of home cooked breakfasts this week bc i was prioritizing morning exercise. im looking at this beautiful bug and it doesn't know what fashion is or what my resume looks like. im holding a lizard. im not spending time on picking cool clothes or whatever bc i spent that time looking up lizard hotspots on purpose.

that's really long and probably mostly, like, not surprising? but i keep benefiting from ppl being like "hey have you considered Obvious Thing" framed very gently