#my brain cant form a coherent thought
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goldenfoxthe1st · 1 year ago
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idk how to put this thought into words but. im thinking about how dazai said chuuya makes him feel alive and chuuya thought he wasnt human (maybe still thinks to this day) and how in THAT scene chuuya "killed" dazai while pretending to be a vampire (not a human). and then bam turns out dazai is alive and chuuya was a human all along. idk i feel like theres some symbolism in this but i cant put it into words
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phagodyke · 24 days ago
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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ihopeucomehomesoon · 1 year ago
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"i dont think i can stand to be where you don't see me" is one of the craziest and realest mitski lines to me and i relate to it in this particular moment in my life bc in this current state of drifting i find it hard to feel like i exist as a person in this world and it's mostly bc i'm holed up in my room all day and night long
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forffax · 2 years ago
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heijiiiiiii
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aria0fgold · 1 year ago
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I slept at 4am, woke up at 8am, I am sleepy, running on 4 hours of sleep but my brain is too active to actually fall asleep. I want to nap.
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alildritten · 2 years ago
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Anybody else struggle with not knowing how to research things? It’s like, if I’m looking for something for school or something, oh yeah, sure, that’s easy. Done already. Nothing to worry about. Then it gets to something I’m interested in personally, and its always on such a broad topic of thing, and I’d have to know what specifically I’m searching for. But I don’t know what I want to search for specifically because I’m just getting started on that topic! Where do I look? Where am I looking? I certainly don’t know.
I’ve found the rabbit hole, but I don’t know how to leap in headfirst. I don’t even know how to stick my head in and take a peek. I know what I can see at the surface level, but what about all the underground tunnels? Each and every little branch?
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heizouz · 1 year ago
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begging for sub lyney + praise kink i'd do Anything
nsfw sub!lyney + gn!reader, praise, lots of praise, dumb lyney
this isn't my favourite piece but lyney is all i can think about recently so i just had to get this out as fast as possible. thank u SM for this req bc it's just made me think abt how much of a praise kink he'd have lorddd... n e way i hope this is okay!!.. <33
"you did so good today."
lyney thinks he will burst if one more compliment falls from your lips. you're close—too close. your hands are all over him, teasing the buttons of his shirt, tugging at his belt loops, tracing along the lines of his jaw. he's so flustered, worked up, adrenaline still flooding through his body from his previous performance.
his hat and shoulder cape have been discarded on the makeup desk behind him, your eagerness not giving him any time to take a breath as you'd hurried him into his dressing room and painted his face with needy kisses. lyney had laughed, pushing you away to cheekily ask if you'd enjoyed the performance that much; his cockiness soon fading once the praises started tumbling out between desperate kisses against his skin.
your thigh is between lyney's parted legs, his back against the makeup desk; hands fisting the material of your shirt at your shoulders as he grinds against your thigh. he's whimpering, soft and embarrassed—a complete switch to his usual confident on stage persona and you can't help but feel the wave of pride at the way lyney can't seem to look up, fixated on the way he moves so obediently for you.
"look at you." you sigh, head tilting as you watch him fall apart against your leg. your eyes are soft but dark, taking in the desperate cant of his hips and pretty gasps with every movement.
you're not even doing anything. lyney does all the work—working himself along your thigh, fingers curling into your shirt, eyebrows furrowed with concentration to make himself finish.
he'd been so stressed for his performance, so it'd been your plan all along to let it be known how well he did. the relief of finally getting his act done was clear as lyney was so accepting to relieve himself, to let you reward him for such a good show.
"just like that," you whisper. your hand tilts his head to finally look up at you, his eyes glassy and needy, "my pretty lyney."
lyney flushes at the praise, breath hitching, "st-stop, please." though his thrusts never seem to slow, hips only stuttering a little.
you take note of that, eyebrows raising when you flicker your gaze to his desperate grinding, "you want to stop?" you press your thigh harder against him, leaning impossibly closer across body, "but you're doing such a good job for me, darling."
"mh-hah-" lyney whines, loud, at the feeling of your thigh pressing hard against his cock straining against his shorts. he doesn't seem to realise how pitchy he's getting, brain fuzzy and too focused on you and your close body and the praises and his need to show you how even better he can be.
lyney can't think when you press your hand over his mouth to stifle his increasing moans. your chest presses against his and although he never seizes to slow the movement of his hips, your close proximity and the weight of your body pressing him hard against the makeup desk forces his eyes to roll back at the friction of your thigh against his cock. he can feel himself dripping against the material of his shorts, so incredibly close to breaking from just the press of your thigh alone. the thought would've flooded him with embarrassment if he could think properly.
you force him to keep eye contact, his eyes lidded and glossed over, the only thing separating you being your hand covering his mouth. your eyebrows furrow a little at the halt of his hips, "hm? don't stop, dove. you're being so perfect for me."
he feels so hot, his throat is closed up, unable to form a coherent word except the muffled whimpers and whines. his brain is muddled, the previous anxiety of a bad performance completely erased because now he's being good for you, he's so perfect, he's doing such a good job.
and to top it off, you lean in close when he starts to rock his hips at your command, whispering the words, "good boy." and lyney could cry.
lyney's eyes threaten to close, eyebrows scrunched and pretty breathy whimpers bleed past your hand over his mouth at the words, hips stuttering against your leg. purple irises gloss over with tears of pleasure, everything all too much and all you can do is smirk a little at how fucked out the usual suave and charming magician is.
"'m gonna-" lyney mumbles behind your hand, breath quickening and he pleads with his eyes, words stopping halfway to moan noisily.
"ah-ah!" you rip away his chance suddenly, hand dropping from his mouth and you back up slightly so you're no longer situated between his legs. lyney whines, bucking into the air at the loss of friction, eyes pooling with tears.
"n-no, please, please." lyney's desperate, voice broken and whiny.
"not yet, dove. 'need to get these off." you play with the belt loops of his shorts, tugging him a little closer. you smile wolfishly, going to pull the material down, "i need to reward you properly."
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tyuncel · 10 months ago
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taehyun likes smart girls for the sole purpose of dicking them down until their brain cant form a coherent thought. a usually well-spoken girl, slurring her words and spitting utter filth.
all to prove that he’s smarter than them— that no matter what they’ll always be under him, in more ways than one.
he’ll talk sweet to them, even if he was a proper asshole before. forcing himself on them until they let him fuck, and from then on he’ll only humiliate them.
‘how dumb are you that you let a guy like me fuck you?’
‘such a fucking attitude.. youre better when youre stuffed full with my cock, right?’
calling them his stupid girl before throwing them away. after all, he doesnt really care about them, he just wants to prove his point!
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soracities · 7 months ago
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And another thing! its for your own good that you challenge yourself despite everything. Yes life is soul crushing and society is literally falling apart and a lot of it is outside your control, and yes the only thing you want to do is lay down and rot, but respectfully, if you don’t exercise your brain you may as well go full circle back to the dark ages. Uneducated people that can't form coherent thoughts or pay attention long enough cant fight against the bs we're being fed by authority; a lack of knowledge will only aid your oppression, which is probably the point. An uneducated and overworked society is much more susceptible to coercion and a lot easier to control, so the very least you could do is pick up a good book.
Okay thats all thank u for coming to my tedtalk mwah 💋
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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phagodyke · 1 year ago
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I've been drawing for the last 6 hours straight which is an UNTHINKABLE level of focus for me esp w how bad these last few weeks have been. maybe I need to force myself to sleep way less alllll the time
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aurae-rori · 4 months ago
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Oh yeah, I forgot about my actual thought when I got distracted by comedic potential!
I’ve brought up Nous no longer calculating futures before, and since I’ve been studying philosophy for the past month, it gave me this fun new insight into the whole thing when put next to my cursory knowledge of non-relativistic and informational/statistical physics! Don’t come for me if I get it wrong people, I despise any mathematics that isn’t statistics
Nous’s whole deal is determinism, something I’ve also mentioned before. Theoretically, if we could track every possible variable in the entire universe, then yes, reality is probably predetermined. And Nous is clearly capable of that.
But here’s another definition:
Entropy is the measure of chaos in a closed system.
In thermodynamics, isolated systems of high entropy tend towards thermodynamic equilibrium (hello HooH) where things don’t wanna change.
In other applications, it refers to energy dispersal. Basically, as time goes on, things get watered down, energy gets less efficient, heat death of the universe blah blah blah (Hello Nanook? Hello Qlipoth even???)
It’s a lot more complicated obviously, but this general principle, limited possibilities trending in a largely predictable way, is the so called “determinism.” Entropy levels cannot change, energy can’t really be destroyed, and the systems want to stabilize because of it. They want to be in a certain configuration.
But what happened if, suddenly, it’s not a closed system?
What if there’s suddenly enough outside interference that the initial conditions no longer apply? Think those multi-pendulums. Welt Yang, Acheron, the Trailblazer, and God knows who else. There’s a decent argument to be made that someone, something, multiples of people and things, threw off the whole system.
Energy cannot be created or destroyed. But it can be introduced. The Stellaron Hunters seem to be tracking these outside interferences on a macro level, collecting stellarons specifically. Is it any coincidence that this is what the Trailblazer has been put in possession of? Are stellarons some form of, for lack of a better word, outside data poisoning?
I’m just rambling wildly at this point, but I wasn’t allowed to start taking about spacetime theory in relation to philosophical determinism in class so I’ve gotta let off steam somehow.
- 🦋
this is so intelligent that my brain has been scrambling for words that are coherent enough to respond to this as neatly as youve placed it for me, but now i just dont care and youre gonna get my unhinged ramblings.
i love the theory. i fucking love it so much and i enjoy the idea of the stellaron hunters actively fucking with shit by bringing in unknown variables. open that closed system. fuck with that all knowing machine, nous. nous cant calculate due to the system being opened, i think is what you're proposing? and i fuck with that. like yeah "fuck your closed system im gonna open it forcefully with the power of this trash raccoon and this old ass man from hi3"
i do enjoy philosophy and i think i understand what you're getting at, but my brain was so fucking scrambled im so sorry butterfly anon i always love your asks sm KSDHKSLJGHLKjh <3
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cockroachparty · 6 days ago
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i love to write. it is my most favorite hobby. talking is really fun too. i love sharing my thoughts and opinions and while also hearing others thoughts and opinions. writing is a safe haven, a quick way to share my thoughts with others. the words flow effortlessly from my brain down to my fingertips, with such quick succession.
except when its an assignment.
give me a roleplay prompt and i'll write it within 5 minutes. tell me to give a funny review for an amazon product and i'll have it down in 10.
but giving me a paragraph assignment? on a chapter of a book i dont care for?
end of the world. end of my life. end of my schooling career. cant do it. no i cant. suddenly every single word and vocabulary term i once knew is vanquished from my mind and i can no longer form a coherent opinion or sentence. might as well just give me the F now. take me out back and shoot me i guess do it in front of a live audience too, why not. who cares.
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thevoidbunnyx · 5 months ago
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Someone should come fuck my brains out. Like i want the no thoughts, absolutely feral, getting used until i cant handle it anymore kind of thing rn.
Thinking about their hand and mouth on my neck leaving marks as they grind into me and promise to use me till im shaking and overstimulated and cant form a coherent thought.
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tuskicles · 10 months ago
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honestly from reading your blog there's nothing I'd love more than using your face as a seat while I fart my fucking brains out. gassing you out until you can't even form a coherent thought.
While that happens I'm pretty much on the brink of passing out but somehow I just don't, plus I'm so horny for guy ass and guy farts I just never want it to end. Gassing me out to where I can't even think straight, I get dumber, I get closer and closer to my orgasm but can't because I either keep edging, or again I cannot think straight. And my clit would be throbbing PAINFULLY out of pleasure.
Seriously waking up to that made me now very horny 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫💦 and i cant do anything about it because i have college
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astro-b-o-y-d · 3 months ago
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still obsessed with this part of the newest Triangulum chapter
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i cant put it into coherent thoughts. but like.
the fact that everyone is uncomfortable about bill looking like dipper but the way it effects mabel specifically makes my brain wanna explode
like. "its just as bad as when you did it last year!" that day was so traumatic for both dipper and mabel. ohh my god. "stop making him smile like that!" AAAAAAAAA
AND THE FACT BILL IS BEING SUCH A JERK ABOUT IT AUGHHH
the dialogue here. i love it. i love the whole thing but this part. the bill and mabel parts. ohhhhhhh they make me wanna VOMIT (positive)
SOCK OPERA REFERENCES IN ANY FORM DRIVE ME INSANEEEE
YAYAYAY YIPPEE YAYYYYY 🧡🧡🧡🧡 Yeah this part was VERY fun to write. Poor Mabel has...a LOT of feelings regarding what happened last year, ESPECIALLY during the events of Sock Opera (lest we forget the little thing mentioned at the end of chapter 3~?).
Also if you're excited about Bill and Mabel interacting, especially when it comes to stuff regarding his appearance, you're in for a real treat in some future chapters 🤭
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fatmaclover · 7 months ago
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my brain is not letting me form thoughts coherently but I'm thinking so much about our little charlies home alone wolrd i feel siccck i feel sick. do you think they talked at all while she was out of the room about them caring about her. do you think she said anything emotional while on pain meds. im thinking
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katie you make me ill. thank you
i bet mac and dennis definitely have moments just. sitting. in the waiting room. they definitely fight. it starts with mac and dennis fighting over each other for not being worried about joyce, like the fights in charlie gets crippled yknow? theyre fighting sure but it's definitely an expression of how much they care about joyce.
i definitely think theres a phase there, though, where mac and dennis are shooed from her room, since she needs her rest or whatever. and i imagine neither of them are gonna be the worse best friend and go home first. so theyre just sitting, silent, still emotional after crying with joyce. and after a while, you can see mac looking up through his lashes at dennis.
he asks if dennis thinks joyce will be okay. of course dennis says she will be. he tells mac not to be a pussy. some heartfelt scene with mac rambling, admitting his care and worry for joyce. dennis taking a long moment to contemplate, before agreeing, admitting how worried he gets for her, too. how much he cares. theres a long beat of silence, before they break into a fight over whos fault it is again, though its definitely with less effort than before.
as for joyce saying emotional shit on pain meds you know she was on that "i did it all for you guys" shit that makes mac and dennis feel 70x worse. "i hope you guys at least had a good game" and mac is about to punch a hole in the wall. sure she did all that so the eagles could win, but would she even care if the eagles werent so important to her friends? would she be that self sacrificial?
maybe once mac and dennis get to have time alone with her they get a bit more sappy. mac definitely would. sneaking in some glue or something to be able to get high with joyce. hes trying to be strong but he cant get over the guilt that he wasnt there to protect her. maybe hes even crying over her, finally pouring his feelings to her. finally getting out how much he cares and how sorry he is for not being there sooner.
and man. joyce really misses middle and elementary school. she misses the mac that would talk to her like this without her nearly dying in order to achieve it. in the moment, she lets herself be happy that shes getting anything at all though.
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